#thought spiral

[homerforsure]

Having this half formed thought about how Buck will do anything to save a relationship except fight for it and Eddie will fight for ones he doesn’t even want just so he doesn’t fail at them and let the other person down.

[safe-haven-safe-place]

By @theofficialsadghostclub

[cherrygazette]

i keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. oh i feel so lost.

[mortifiedandawesome]

"You know what movie I liked? The Citizen Kane! Oh my God! Oh my God! The guys talks like an old timey.. acting voices, he deals with big, uh, issues.. like, the sled...!"

- Andy Kindler (*as a character)

[madelinetess]

This is all because of a ff I just read

So the scene was basically character A getting hit by the car driven by character B

And a little while later while dating, they say how they met, and I spiralled down a rabbit hole of lame pick up lines that fit perfectly as inside jokes in that particular scenario

C: So, how did you guys meet?

A: He hit on me, and the rest is history

B: *audible groan*

[4spooniesupport]

[music-moon]

[metaphysicalmortal]

I might be fictional. - John Green

[structuredsucc]

ADHD and anxiety can be such a dangerous combo.

Anxiety gives you the things to worry about, then ADHD gives you the ability to hyperfocus on that exact thing, see addressing them as now or never, and adds gasoline to the fire of emotional dysregulation the anxiety started.

ADHD and anxiety often spiral in on each other, making each other worse and dragging us along for the ride

[ashtraysystem]

I used to be an alter full of love and light. One who could find something to love in everything and everyone. Since coming back all I've felt is spite and anger and frustration at seeing what the world is. The previous me seems so naive now. We are such different people, yet the same person nonetheless. He has so much more light to him. More kindness. More patience. I. I do not have that. I have anger. I have spite. I have frustration. He sees the beauty of the world, I see the beauty of the world and how it has been tarnished by human hands.

where did I get all this anger from. Why does everything I see fill me with rage as to what the world has become? the colors i used to see as bright and full are now dull, desaturated, unfinished. i dont know when this came to pass nor why.

I used to have such patience, where did that go? Why can I no longer sit still? Why do I shake?

[seraphimsundance]

backlog of crushed pictures

i make these when i need to work through something- like a proof or a poem

the process is something like moodboarding how i feel or things i believe and trying to put them together into a cohesive vision

i make a few versions usually that are different answers-paths i could take. frequent i make new versions when i need occlude the message or feeling better

i’m trying to get better at 3d textures and would love to do these at higher res. they’re just made on my phone before i go to sleep and am scared to change the process yet

it’s a bonus when i am proud of them! and it is fun to come back. like an old movie, does it feel different now?

[cherrygazette]

idk if my ability to be inarticulate is because of lack of practice, lack of vocabulary, lack of social life or lack of rizz.

[shrinkingevergreen]

the disorder is disordering HARD today. i added a single serving of chicken to a salad i have regularly and spent the whole time i was eating it thinking "this is so many more calories than usual because of the chicken, i shouldn't have added that, i normally have it without meat, i didn't need to add it, adding it is going to make me gain weight"

like bro protein is important!!! you're allowed to have protein!!! stop being like this!!!

[curlyhairedintrovertsworld]

listen. i bought some art, and felt so much better, but it's the end of the day and the sun killed me and i feel like shit again. going to shower. could the guilt and anger and shame wash away too...

[blurredlandscape]

im dead

im died

your will

subsumes

mine

into this

as is the night;

unfurled

hostile

black

contrite

is it wrong?

who is right?

am i

in your

stronghold's

might?

you’re my new

bequeathed

temptress

holy

unrelenting

spite

[casandraspoems]

Selfish Thinking

(TW ⚠️Self Harm with descriptions ⚠️)

I wish I thought more about you

About how much I like you

Want to spend time with you

And enjoy kissing you

And if someone asked

I would say it's true

That I like you a lot

And thats not a lie

But my brain doesn’t automatically go there

Stuck in it's habits

It thinks about things that confuse me

But before I go on

I should stop separating my mind form myself

because these are my thoughts

I think about cutting

How deep I would go if I wasn't trying to stop

How the edges would part

And the fat would bubble up

If I would get stiches

or carfally duck tape it closed

I think about what I might tell my therapist

the following day

Word for word what I might say

And what she might be thinking as I say it

I think about Ms.Smith

And I'm sorry I think about her more than I think about you

But I can promise you don't want me to think about you in the way that I think about her

Because the way I think about her distresses me

I can't go anywhere without thinking

I hope I run into her

And if I did how might I act

And then think what if I were to accidentally slip and crack my head open on the floor

How I would go unconscious

And the blood would pool

I imagine her worry

How she would be the one to call for an ambulance

And sometimes when I'm alone

I think what if Ms.Smith or my therapist were watching me

And then my actions change as if I'm putting on a show

I'll pick up a knife and dance around my kitchen

I'll hold it against my face and slide it down my check

With not nearly enough pressure to draw blood

And it's not the initial thoughts that distress me

In fact I seem to quite enjoy entertaining these scenarios

and if the thoughts ended here I would be just fine

But I can't think these things with out questioning why

if enjoying them is wrong

And if letting my actions entertain these thoughts is a bad thing

And now I’m picking my thoughts and feeling and actions apart

Trying to solve there meaning

That perhaps there is something wrong with me

Now convinced something is wrong

but I'm not sure what

So I begin googling every though I have to find there meaning

To see what my symptom fit best

By this point I've done this so much

I know what vaguely fits

But there is still so much uncertainty

So I keep coming back to it

googling and analysing

I feel dumb I'm even doing this

But I also can't stop because

If none of it's true

If nothing is wrong

Then that must mean

I've faked it all

So now I hang onto something being wrong

I keep looking for an answer

teetering on insanity

Because all of this is better than being a fraud

And now I'm thinking I am a fraud

Because I'm the one perpetuating the cycle

And maybe I'm not finding diagnosis that fits

But fitting myself to a diagnosis

Now I can't be sure if anything I've thought or done is genuine

So I start questioning everything I feel, think, and do

If any of it's real

Not sure how I feel

Or if my actions are all for show

Perhaps even my thoughts are a lie

Protecting me from seeing the truth

That this entire time I've caused this all

But all this to could be a symptom too

So I start again

And analyse this

See what fits best

Still worried that somethings wrong

That I'm faking it all

And that I'm spending more time thinking about this

Than I think about you

And before I end this I should admit

things have gotten better

Not just in how much I think

But in how I think about these thoughts

Being kinder to myself for thinking these things

In talking with friends I have come to learn

That it's not all that wrong to think in this way

that implies attention as my goal

But when I returned to therapy

I felt like progress was lost

That my ideas around therapy

Brought be back to a place

Of anylitival critsisum

Because I'm thinking therapy

Is supposed to be about understanding myself

About identifying flaws

In order to find solutions

But this line of thinking is exactly what lead me here

I've trained my brain to find a flaw in everything I think, feel, and do

taught myself to look at my thoughts and actions as arngment of symptoms

As if my existence is a disease

And I know that this is not what therapy has to be about

Nor do I want it to be

and I can only take guesses as to why I view therapy this way

and perhaps it’s better for the way I think

That I don't go there

Because I know what happens when I start to think