#thought vomit journal

[good-morning-czernobog]

Necrozma, Light, and Divinity: A Very Weird Sun and Moon Theory.

I don't think the alchemical connections in Sun and Moon were ever really discussed in-depth enough for my satisfaction. There's no god damn way they'd just base the starter's first forms off the 3 primes and name one of the factions the Aether Foundation just not go anywhere else with that. Sun and Moon were pretty wild games, and I think maybe we got distracted with all the other bells and whistles, like Lusamine's bullshit, the UBs, and ya boy Guzma. Buckle up.

Before we get onto the main bit, I wanna talk a little about Mesopotamian deities. Observe this boundary stone from 12th century BC.

It's Wikimedia Commons details are as follows: Kudurru (stele) of King Melishipak I (1186–1172 BC): the king presents his daughter to the goddess Nannaya. The crescent moon represents the god Sin, the sun the Shamash and the star the goddess Ishtar. Kassite period, taken to Susa in the 12th century BC as war booty.

We've seen this 8-pointed star before, right on Necrozma's back

The star, as the description says, represents Inanna (called that by the Sumerians, and Ishtar by the Babylonians). She is a deity of love, war, fertility, and divine justice. She is associated with the planet Venus (we'll talk about Venus more in a bit). Inanna is referred to as the "Queen of Heaven", described as powerful but capricious.

She is also described as having some ambiguity to her gender, even having the power to alter people's gender, especially in relation to her cult. This ties into another figure Necrozma may be based on, as well as it's alchemical ties. But before I talk about that I wanna walk about the time Inanna died.

Gods die all the time in mythology. Inanna is one of the few who came back. For a time, she was trapped in the underworld by her sister Ereshkigal. Similarly, it's Sun dex entry reads "Reminiscent of the Ultra Beasts, this life-form, apparently asleep underground, is thought to have come from another world in ancient times." Whole it's entry in Sword for gen 8 is "It survives by absorbing light. After a long time spent slumbering underground, impurities accumulated within it, causing its body to darken.". Inanna is eventually saved when "sexless" or androgynous beings are sent to rescue her.

Bulbapedia's trivia section for Necrozma offers a different idea: Lucifer.

Ultra Necrozma, a being of light, four wings, draconic yet angelic, who's battle music begins with a fucking organ absolutely invokes imagery of Lucifer.

In this form, its head becomes the 8-pointed star.

Lucifer, who's name means "light bringer". Lucifer the morning star, associated with Venus. This figure is eventually absorbed into Christianity as a name for the devil, a being who himself was once an angel. It's not uncommon for media to depict him with a mixture of secondary sexual characteristics, though most are male. It's entirely possible this is because of confusion between Satan and the figure Baphomet, though I had a harder time finding info on this one. If that were the case I wouldn't entirely fault Gamefreak for it. Even I have a hard time separating the two. Also probably worth noticing that dragons come up several times in the Bible, usually in relation to Satan. Ultra Necrozma does gain the dragon type after all.

Two figures, sometimes of ambiguous gender, both associated with the 3rd brightest object in the sky? Interesting. Very interesting.

If you're still reading, congrats, we're talking about alchemy now.

It was pretty hard to understand where they were going with this until we got USUM. USUM introduced Team Rainbow Rocket, Giovanni's attempt to gather past evil the leaders into a league of supervillains (who you demolish). Seemed simple enough. Haha, Necrozma is a light god. Z-Crystals are shards of its light because it's a prism. Cool.

But maybe not the whole story. I introduce to you: The Prima Materia.

In alchemy, Prima Materia is a substance that acts as the base form of all matter. It is similar to aether. a book called the Theatrum Chemicum contains the following passage about it.

"They have compared the "prima materia" to everything, to male and female, to the [redacted]*, to heaven and earth, to body and spirit, chaos, microcosm, and the confused mass; it contains in itself all colors and potentially all metals; there is nothing more wonderful in the world, for it begets itself, conceives itself, and gives birth to itself.

*the word used here is considered a slur against intersex people, so I excluded it

Furthermore, the Lexicon Alchemaie (which i would have checked more in depth but I don't speak Latin), lists names alchemists have used for the Prima Materia. Ones that stand out to me are: heaven, the dragon, heart of the sun, spittle of the moon, Venus, the rainbow. The Prima Materia is required in the creation of the Philosopher's Stone.

In USUM, instead of Nihilego, Lusamine beings forth Necrozma. The Aether Foundation's name comes full circle here. Aether as an alchemical element is frequently associated with light and gravity.

What I'm saying is, Necrozma isn't just light. it's alchemical light. it is the Prima Materia. The energy it emits becomes other things (in this case, the Pokemon types).

Now let's take this a step further, with Type: Null and Silvally. They don't directly relate to Necrozma, but I do believe they have an alchemical inspiration that ties them to Necrozma's mythological position in comparison to Arceus.

According to Bulbapedia, Type: Null was created using cells from all known pokemon types. It was supposed to be able to change types with RKS system, inspired by tales of Arceus. There were complications with them going berserk and the project was deemed a failure.

Type: Null is a failed Philosopher's Stone, until the power of love completed it.

With high friendship, Type: Null evolves into Silvally. It breaks free of the limiter attached to its head and regains use of the RKS system, this time without going berserk. Gladion, a kid, achieves what a bunch of detached adult scientists could not.

It seems love and light are very similar concepts, at least in the Pokemon world. The fairy types are heavily associated with light, super effective against dark types, and a certain pokemon repping them when they first got revealed evolves when it loves you (and has a fairy type move).

Now, it's still difficult to say where Necrozma stands in Pokemon's mythology. It's from another world entirely. The question is whether or not Arceus has influence in those worlds. It's God. It should, right? I think there's a few possibilities, but I don't have enough information to decide for sure

-Necrozma is equivalent to Arceus in its own world. Ultra Beasts may not be described as pokemon, but they have types and use moves like them, so they must be something similar but adapted to a different environment. This one's a bit of a stretch.

-Necrozma is a creation of Arceus like everything else and plays an important function, it just made a home in a different area of time and space, or much like Giratina (another Satan inspired pokemon who is dragon type) it was sent there for some reason.

-Less likely, Necrozma is above Arceus, not as a god but a primal energy gained beast-like sentience, the divine Chaos from which Arceus came

One potential hint at this relation may lie in Arceus' name. It's likely this is a coincidence, and they didn't intend this from the get-go, but it did just happen to fit the alchemy theme. There is another concept: Archeus. Archeus is, according to Wiktionary: "The vital principle or force believed by the Paracelsians to be responsible for alchemical reactions within living bodies, and hence for the growth and continuation of life." It is another name for Anima Mundi, the soul of the world. The divine spark. Archeus has four aspects: Life, Light, Chemical, and Reflective.

I haven't worked out yet what this means, unfortunately. I could be connecting a bunch of weird mythological coincidences. But it was very fun. I would like to discuss some less grand alchemical connections in Alola sometime. Those would require a bit more research and milling over however. I genuinely wish I could give you a more satisfying conclusion here.

Altogether, I hope this gives you food for thought.

UPDATE: more thoughts

there's something I wanted to talk about that I forgot when previously writing this, and I've had more time to mull over previous thoughts.

This next section will start with the elements of gender ambiguity with Inanna and Lucifer, and how that connects to alchemy. Rebis.

An end product of the Magnum Opus (creation of the Philosopher's Stone), the Rebis is a fusion of spirit and matter, imbued with male and female qualities. (Lot of the use of that word I omitted earlier here so be advised if you look into it more). While lacking in the two heads, that certainly lines up with the element of gender ambiguity. Ultra Necrozma is the being at its strongest, when it is full of the much needed light its body had been starving for.

Another interesting bit regarding the Rebis is it is considered the result of "reconciliation of opposites", and imagery around it is called a chemical wedding. This is symbolized by the coming together of a king and queen, the king in red and the queen in white, each symbolizing the sun and moon respectively.

While Solgaleo and Lunala do not fit so neatly into the references to mesopotamian myth (Shamash and Sin are both male, Shamash is Ishtar's brother and Sin their father), this might add some ideas for how Solgaleo and Lunala connect to Necrozma. They are all beings of light after all, and Necrozma is able to siphon it from them when fusing with them in USUM.

I believe Necrozma may be a possible evolution of Cosmog. Bear with me, please.

Obviously, this isn't reflected in gameplay. What Cosmog evolves into depends on your version of the game. But Solgaleo and Lunala are framed as mates. You can get a second Cosmog in both games, and when you do, the other game's legendary appears. They are also referred as appearing to be male and female respectively in their Pokedex entries despite having no gender in the actual game data.

But what is Cosmog and Cosmoem in this case then? Well besides being based on nebulas, I think it may be another concept called filius philosophorum, "Philosopher's Child". One of the Filius' ways of being represented is by the Rebis, as well as a direct child of the red king and white queen. Many sites mention an egg as a symbol but don't elaborate further (like baby name websites they often feed off each other indefinitely).

Now Cosmog's name is the same in all languages, but Cosmoem's is not. It's Japanese name is Cosmovum. Cosmos and ovum. Ovum as in egg. The -em in Cosmoem's name may also be for embryo. whoever wrote the trivia section for it's Bulbapedia stage thinks it has elements of both the sun and moon in its design, and I'm inclined to agree. It also mentions something called the world egg.

The world egg is a mythological concept that spans across multiple cosmologies, but because alchemy often takes from the Greek cosmology I'll stick to that. Within Greek myth we are given the Orphic Egg, from which the primordial deity Phanes is born. Phanes' name meaning "to light, or to shine". He is described bearing a helmet and golden wings, largely referred to as male but sometimes as androgynous. His parentage varies, with having no parents at all, to Chronos (time), to Chaos, to Nyx (night). He is described as creating all other gods, or creating the day depending on the telling.

Necrozma is also Phanes, a being of light, born from a divine egg. Necrozma is a more perfect path of evolution than it's parents, but this is likely triggered by something far beyond the control of the player.

(Addendum: If you think this also sounds similar to books about Arceus in the Canalave library, you'd be right. That myth was applied to Arceus first, which makes some interesting implications.)

Now you may be thinking "wow a lot of these concepts sound like ways to talk about the Philosopher's Stone", and you'd probably be right. The Magnum Opus had many names and many ways of representing it visually, mostly alchemists wanted to keep their trade secrets. But there is an interesting one.

The ouroboros. A symbol of unity, eternity, and endless cycles. The beginning and the end are intrinsically connected.

What is Necrozma doing when you meet it in USUM? it's desperately looking for light. It can't make it on its own anymore. It's base form dex entries describe it as craving light, going dormant when it can't find it.

Ultra Sun: It looks somehow pained as it rages around in search of light, which serves as its energy. It's apparently from another world.

Ultra Moon: Light is the source of its energy. If it isn't devouring light, impurities build up in it and on it, and Necrozma darkens and stops moving.

Necrozma is burning out like an old star. Necros, death.

The Philosopher's Stone is often visualized in modern media as a gem, much like it's body in this form. When the power is expended, Necrozma will be just another rock. It is a transient being. Much like the Great Work, perfection is not sustainable in practice.

But it's not all bad. Phanes, again, is also described as creating other gods. In time, it's body will break down and may become a new Cosmog. The end begets the beginning. The Prima Materia is after all, important in the Great Work's culmination.

There is another being described as creating all else though, in Pokemon. Once again it rolls back around to Arceus.

In Platinum and HGSS Pokedex entries, Arceus' goes as follows: It is said to have emerged from an egg in a place where there was nothing, then shaped the world.

These beings are connected somehow, but after more research from my first version of this I've come to the conclusion that while Necrozma and Arceus are similar (remember, Arceus can be any type, Necrozma's light becomes the differently typed Z-Crystals), Necrozma is inherently more flawed and impermanent.

It's important also to remember that the Philosopher's Stone is the work of humans. It's not divine but comes from a desire to come close to it. I can't say the same about Solgaleo and Lunala, but it's possible that Necrozma isn't natural. Necrozma was made. By whom? Who knows, but probably someone from the Ultra Recon Squad's dimension. This is merely a guess. It could just be a natural but rare occurrence. From what we've been given, this anyone's guess. Maybe were not even meant to know. Whatever the case, Necrozma is a transient being, Arceus-like but ultimately imperfect. The cycle continues eternally.

BONUS ROUND: tria prima

In the very introduction of this post I mentioned the 3 primes, and the starters's first forms having similarities to their symbols. I'm aware there are likely many alchemical connections in the story that I haven't noticed yet but I wanted to discuss something more with that.

Paracelsus described the primes (sulphur, mercury, and salt) as materials from which all things are made. This is not entirely literal. Alchemy wasn't just chemistry, it was spiritual. Each prime has a different quality.

Sulphur is combustibility, soul, the divine spark

Mercury is volatility, spirit (mind), consciousness

Salt is neither, it is the body that holds them

One of the biggest examples for this is that in say, burning a piece of wood. The fire was sulphur, the smoke was mercury, and the ash was salt.

The tria prima sound a lot like prima materia don't they? It's kind of poetic the way this is implemented in USUM. You begin your journey with a prime material and it's biggest climax is with another prime material. Just as the end begets the beginning, the beginning begets the end.

~

Note for potential future update: Two substances were added to this later on: phlegm and caput mortuum (Latin for "dead head"). Caput Mortuum was waste product in a reaction. Phlegm, in the alchemical sense is "A watery distillation, especially one obtained from plant matter; an aqueous solution.", to quote Wiktionary. Phlegm was also considered a waste product. CM was produced by sublimation, and Phlegm by distillation. Phlegm doesn't appear to have a symbol but CM does: a skull.

[aquickstart]

pls may i have some saltburn takes. i saw u liked my post abt oliver never having read the reading list and it made me giggle.

OH YES DUDE oh i Loved that post because it brings up actually something that for some reason i haven't seen discussed much. oliver's unreliable narration.

i have a brilliant, i think, genius four-question plan for making people understand saltburn, and it has worked before and i will maybe elaborate on it, but not right now. right now i'll talk about one of the questions.

who is oliver telling this story to, and why?

we've established that he's an unreliable narrator at least because it's the logical conclusion for a movie shot in a way that opens and closes with his narrative. but what does oliver being untruthful actually mean for what we know about anything and everything that happened. have you ever obsessed over this particular question. well. i have.

my hot take, first of all, is that oliver is not that smart. he's clever, but the point of the movie is that he's caught up in and driven by desire; desire, pointedly, in the moment, merging desire, adapting to circumstance and leading him on. his want is not concrete from the beginning. his want is insatiable hunger that grows.

so, okay, from the top. the whole meet-cute with felix? because of a punctured tire? eh. idk if that's true. the money thing at the bar, pretending to not have any while he actually did? eh, perhaps. chronologically he then lies to felix about his dad, and this is big, this is deliberate, this is what ties felix to him for good.

what if the first two instances were coincidences? like, felix genuinely in trouble then, oliver genuinely out of cash. makes sense to become attached and actually do something, something impulsive, drastic, when felix seems to be drifting away, and lie about his dad.

interjection: you might be saying, nadia, he lied about his family from the get-go. well of course. i didn't say he's not smart enough to clock what image of a damsel in distress felix would gobble up. i'm saying he didn't do it for the long game, because there was no long game to speak of, as narrator-oliver would have you believe. i think he wanted felix so badly in that moment of several months in oxford, i think he was so blinded that he would've said anything. and he did.

now, i've briefly talked about oliver's feelings about the invitation to saltburn, and i think this is very important here. in the moment, he couldn't possibly know what exactly this invitation could mean, in the long run, only that it is definitely the next step in progression of desire for felix. present-day oliver interjection, and i believed him, after felix said he could leave anytime, i read as a slip up, an admission that oliver didn't plan shit, or at least from the beginning he didn't. it lured him in as soon as he got there, gothic house driving mad-style. he held on to a dream of something elusive (felix as a friend? lover? forever-partner in whatever capacity? i want him so bad i don't care what he is as long as he's there? please? please?).

the other obvious hole to poke at is in the end. venetia very conveniently takes the razors he places for her, and while sure, it could be read as him just hinting at how he conveniently read her fragile state and took advantage of it, i don't buy it. (i'm honestly even tempted to suggest he met elspeth on accident, to then spin a pretty story for his own sake, but him keeping tabs on the surviving cattons all those years tracks with what we know about obsessive oliver; he's definitely known about her flat for a while.)

but those are all minor stuff. i get completely if you think i'm reading too much into it and this is all just a headcanon after all, to be fair. BUT. but.

my second big take is that oliver was/is madly in love with felix. i know, shocking. but you have probably seen people say he wasn't. i will elaborate.

i wasn't in love with him. i loved him. i hated him. what does this sound like. have you ever had a friend come to you after a breakup fuming and telling you how they'll never end up with this asshole for sure and then get back together with him and then break up and say the same thing again.

i loved him, but i wasn't in love with him. i know everyone thought i was, but i wasn't. have you never told anyone something of the sort, specifically the last part, to emphasize just how it's everyone around you that's kinda hung up on whatever it is, and you've moved way past it, actually. have you never told yourself that.

i have. i know many other people who have, too. so, who is oliver telling this story to, and why? there's no one but dead elspeth in front of him. there's no one but himself. fun fact: each time you recall an event, it distorts under the influence of the mix of past and present emotions. each time you recall, you mold memory (source, e.g., x). the way i personally see it, oliver, for whatever reason, retells the story in order to solidify his own memory of it in the way that he wants to remember it. whatever he says, this is his final word, and this is his final truth.

this is also why details slip through, like my beloved i believed him, like the emotional i hated him growing into self-convincing, misleadingly dismissive, definitely unsure i hated him by the end. those are the true emotions that he recalls, those are the times that are hard to rewrite, for whatever reason.

of course, he hated them all. but before that, he loved felix to the point of blindly following where felix's desire led oliver, at least the way oliver perceived felix's desire. it failed, crucially, when felix's desire brought them to the center of the labyrinth, where oliver could not be the desired anymore.

my third hot take in connection to this is that oliver did not know he would kill felix until the very night he did it. he didn't know it, i think, until the last hour, until felix refused to reconcile completely, until he made his blood run cold. i also briefly mention it here, specifically how farleigh is tragically connected to felix's death, in my opinion. this tracks with, again, my strong belief that oliver lies, lies and lies throughout this whole story about wanting to take everything from felix from the beginning; no, he fucking didn't. he wanted felix. he wanted felix to be his. that was number one priority. he wanted felix and whatever else came with it, undoubtedly, but not the other way around.

paradoxically, he also wanted to be felix; he wanted to be him and be with him just as us tumblr people can often relate and the tragedy is that you always have to choose. felix pushed him away, so there was no other choice but to take what was left of felix that oliver could take. hence the clothes wearing, the table scene talk, the refusal to leave.

felix chose not to choose oliver, so oliver became felix. it's his fault. felix promised oliver could leave. felix left instead. what was oliver to do.

but to your point about the books, i think it could be either way, actually. i think he could have lied about it because technically that's also in character for him, he was performing for an audience of his tutor. but i also think that he was, genuinely, a nerd before he came to oxford, and he didn't, and still doesn't, have any friends, and he hates his sisters and his mother and is miserable. he's the perfect profile of someone who'd read king james' bible over the summer, and then some, imma be honest.

so, yes. i think oliver lies about most things in saltburn and i think he's pathetic, lost, confused, grieving, angry, horny, down bad and in denial. and i fucking love him. i so fuckin do.

[witofretard28]

Do you have that friend who is not your best friend per se but is your best friend silently. The one with whom you don't talk to everyday or meet or share the smallest of things.

The one you meet once in a while, if both can fit it in the schedule and never really talk over the phone and it doesn't feel weird. With whom it's comfortable being around with even if you haven't seen each other in months. You pick up the conversation right where u left it. When you say, " Remember I was telling you about ..." and they do. They listen. You have gala time and get on with your life, until next time.

They are your best friend in silence. The ones with whom you share and confide in about things. The one who never forgets to invite you on important occasions but may or may not remember your birthday. But still you know, for sure, that this person only have best wishes for you. They make you happy and warm and you feel blessed to have found this person.

[punsmaster69]

16/NOV/20XX

had a funky dream.

not getting into it, but i think i was.. a ghost, or somethin'.

dunno.

anyway,

breaking a guideline right now.

i'm very tired.

haven't felt quite right since waking up.

mind's been all over the place.

but i have to do this page.

for one, papyrus already took my place yesterday, and there's no chance i'm making him do this again.

and two,

he can't really write about what's on 𝘮𝘺 conscience.

this whole journal started to organize my thoughts, right?

i'll do that for once.

——

[Scratched out paragraphs.]

it's really hard to start this kind of thing properly, huh?

[More scribbling.]

screw it.

i know everyone's worried about me.

i know i'm probably not helping my case much by trying to distance myself.

guess my thought process is sort of;

if i dust, then maybe separating myself before will make it easier on everyone.

...

the other day made me kinda wake up and realize that..

i'm sort of just making that worse.

don't know. it's complicated.

but, know i'm..

giving up on it.

at least somewhat.

probably.

——

what else is rattling around in my skull?

oh.

keep being compared to a father-figure.

that..

it's.

something.

maybe i'd enjoy it.

specifically, paps said i'm like a parent to frisk.

being the kid's dad.. can't say it's a thought i really hate or anything. love that little dork. but when i'm not even into

not even dating their mom it's sorta...

i don't know.

hard to find the right words for it.

new thought it is.

...'bout tori.

she's on my mind a lot, too.

way more than i'd like to admit.

.......

huh.

weird. i suddenly can't find the words for this either.

guess i gotta stop thinking about it and write something else.

...

or just go to bed.

that sounds better, actually.

[kakujis]

i did so much thinking yesterday, well more like rambling, when i was w my bf and i straight up told him why i act the way i act and why i bank so hard and deflate in friendships where i feel like theyre just tolerating me.. and it was bc ive always needed someone or something to hold onto and if i wasnt good enough then theyd leave me and that was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. so i lied sometimes and tried to make myself as appealing as possible while always tolerating things i disliked.

i dont mind being vulnerable on main. i like having deeper friendships but i also have so much social anxiety and im so scared of saying the wrong thing that i almost always never reach out lol. another point i wanna touch on is interacting on here, im sorry if i dont really interact much on my end its literally just my own fear of rejection(rsd yess) even if we’re established friends. id never want anyone to feel pressured to like or interact/talk w me for this very reason.

i think i’ll always be in this limbo of wanting to be accepted but never wanting to force that on anyone. also does anyone else ever feel like their interacts could make the other feel like its transactional? like okay, we talked, now like all my posts LMFAOOO. i think loads of friendships are (possibly) like this and its always like “what can u get out of it” but i hate hate hate that mentality… i just wanna be friends and laugh about the things we like and maybe we can vent about things and even get into disagreements but still repair at the end of it all.

and maybe thats why i love platonic love so much, even more than romantic love ? maybe thats why i love this idea of yearning and being yearned for?

idk, i’m not a therapist and this is just a writing blog and i am just rambling but yeah.

[sheisintherainnn]

15th June, 2023

Traces of my existence unnoticed, but there,

Unorganised thoughts and an unmade bed— leaving me dead,

But also helping me hang by the thread,

A misplaced hair tie and ghosting them as a reply,

Cutting off my oxygen supply,

Shallow and deep feelings too bright,

Enough to keep me up all night,

Maybe just an illusion,

But I do wanna go home for a reason,

A home that doesn't exist in real life,

Just like the purpose of my life!?

[crmsnmth]

To Me, You Are Everything

Per me, tu sei tutto. Everything that has been and everything that will ever be My world is your kingdom and I almost always smile at the queen

Il mio amore per te è immortale It will be here still long after I'm gone Nothing more then energy without any mass floating forever reaching out for you A piece of me that will never fade from existence

Do tutto quello che ho per te Just to see your mile or hear you voice None of it will ever be as important as you And I am not ashamed to say that in any way

Sei tu, sarai sempre tu I think I knew that from the very start There's no one who will ever compare to you I base every romantic relationship I have off of you And I'm always wondering why I'm alone

Metto la mia Mecca nella tua direzione and I pray that you hear my words but if you don't or choose to ignore them I guess that's fine too, if it makes you happy Because in the end, I think that's what I really want

A te, amore mio I raise my glass into empty air there hasn't been a person other then me around for days A toast to you, somehow managing to keep a chok hold on any memory of me

Per sempre, amore mio, per sempre. Mantengo la mia parola

[savageday6]

.

[crmsnmth-journal]

4/13/2024 11:04 PM

I saw them both today, which is really weird. I guess I should explain a little since the last time I saw either of them was before I started this. There are two girls who randomly appear in this town. One looks exactly like ***** and the other is one I seem to always end up exchanging looks too. And I saw them both today at the alley. The doppelganger was bowling, and I swear she looks so much like ***** that the first time I saw her, I almost went into a major panic attack. Luckily, I realized it wasn't her, and my life could go on. But still, every time she appears, it always catches me off guard. The other girl, I swear I knew at one time or another. I just feel that somehow we know each other from some circle somewhere, or something. She's very cute, and I find it weird that I find her attractive. She's not part of the usual sectors I seek in looks on partner. In fact, she's almost the exact opposite, with long blonde hair, a face that somehow looks young and aged at the same time, and dresses in I guess what is the normal look for Central Wisconsin. And I always catch her staring at me, and she usually catches me. And there's always that quiet exchanged smile. And then poof, she's gone. It kind of irritates me that I haven't at least attempted to say hello, but I know the reason for that, and I'm not ready to really face that problem head on. Someday, I will. But not today.

[good-morning-czernobog]

So, it's pretty obvious the Teal Mask part of the Scarlet and Violet DLC is based on the fairy tale about Momotaro. I picked it up just by looking at the pokemon shown in preview images. So it feels weird that the Indigo Disk totally changes course with a tournament arc righr? At least that's what it sounded like at first, when they said Blueberry Academy has a focus on pokemon battles.

But as usual I had to see what insights Bulbapedia had about Terapagos. The lovely people on there always have wonderful triva sections for the Pokemon and characters. We'll, Terapagos' mentions a mythical turtle creature called minogame.. a few quick searches revealed some fun connections.

Edit: I FUCKING KNEW IT

minogame is described as a turtle so old that it has seaweed growing of its back. They're symbols of longevity and other attributes like wisdom and happiness (they kinda varied by website I looked at when taking a peak into this).

But minogame also relate to another fairy tale about a boy named Urashima Taro, where a fisherman rescues a turtle that turns out to be a princess, the daughter of Ryujin and she takes him to a palace under the sea. When he gets home he finds that 300 years have passed instead of the 3 days he perceived it as. He ends up opening a jeweled box the princess gave him but told him not to open, the magic escapes and he ages instantly. Ending varies but usually he either turns into a crane (another symbol or longevity), jumps into the sea to rejoin her and is rejuvenated, or crumbles to dust as the lost time catches up.

The kicker here is the Indigo Disk happens to take place at an academy that is...out on the sea!

(don't mind me quickly screenshot ting this from the trailer lol)

And a jeweled box full of magic? Makes sense when jewels have been a big motif in the game, especially the tail end of it.

And one more thing..

That crown it has in the scarlet/violet book might be a terastal hat...meaning it could have its own unique terastalized state. Could be a load of shit too, but it's a fun thought.

[fromnativity]

i love going through the process of healing

of becoming the better version of myself

embracing the highs and the lows

younger me would be so proud,

and that’s all that matters

[witofretard28]

Revenge bedtime procrastination: Decision to sacrifice sleep for leisure time due to lack of free time during the day.

Ofc we sacrifice sleep for the little time we have to be ourselves. The time where we can finally listen to our own thoughts loud and clear and less jumbled, when we don't have to pretend, when we won't get any work related calls or calls from people in general, when we can breathe, sing if we want to or puff our eyes out crying ugly, read our favorite book, sit and stare at the wall if we want, put our legs up the wall and listen to music, let our skin breathe, not worry about how uncool we look and feel, how sexy we are, stalk our exes. It's the only time we choose not to worry about future and let go. Live and breathe!

So what if we wake up next day feeling like shit...we atleast had a bit of heaven in the night when we sacrificed our sleep.

[wannawriteyouabook]

You called me loyal and all I could think was "I am not a dog."

I'm not a dog

I'm not a dog

I'm not a dog

I am not a dog

I am not a dog

But then, why do I keep coming back to you like I am

[strbrymlk]

11/28/22

these are all fairly old photos, but i liked how they looked all together <3

a bit of a recap of the past week and a half ish:

thanksgiving break was very nice. i spent it with my boyfriend and his family mainly, and also just in my own space. i had the suite to myself, and i could just lay in bed as long as i wanted. i cleaned the suite, and felt a lot better about how i was living. it was a restful break.

today, however… was a very harsh slap back into the present. i’m just,,, so tired, and anxious. my recital is next weekend, and i broke down cause i don’t feel prepared at all. it’s not even an official recital, but i can’t seem to get that through my head.

i haven’t hung out with my close group of friends in over three weeks. i miss them so much. but they don’t seem to have any interest in rekindling our relationship. I don’t know if i want to give up or keep trying. it makes me ache thinking that they don’t like hanging out with me, or we’re not that close anymore. i really hope they come to my recital. if they don’t, i think i might cry on the spot haha.

i’m a little depressed i think. i know that for a lot of people that’s the norm, but i don’t think i’ve experienced this many lows in such an extended period of time.

i’m sorry all my posts have been so downtrodden. i tend to think of this blog as a diary more often than not. if anyone else feels the same as i am these days, i feel for you. i wish nothing but for you to give yourself grace and forgiveness. we’re all trying to get through it. <3

[sheisintherainnn]

[the shades of us]

he was as cool (cold) as the colour blue,

i pretended (wanted) to be as warm as the orange hues,

complementary in the colour wheel,

so opposite, as our pretend selves got peeled.

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[crmsnmth]

They're All Going to Laugh at You

They laughed as they threw fists and boots like paper planes They laughed, blow after blow bruises in the shape of a boot They laugh, as a rib cracks silently and suddenly breathing is a little difficult I've grown tired of ER visits in the late night

They laughed when blood poured down covering the mouth in sticky red They laughed as I tried to stand Only to flop back down to the sidewalk They laughed and shoved me back down this beating won't last

But it will live on forever in my head

They laughed as I spit blood A few of my teeth feel loose to my tongue They laughed as I held on to the ground My head was dizzy and I didn't want to fall off the earth They laughed as my eyes dripped tears of pain and humiliation and I don't know which is worse

They laughed as I stood shaking on my feet putting fingers in my face They laughed to each other about maybe going in for another round The laughed as they turned away from me and headed back down the street I thought we were supposed to be friends

Because beating the adict is a better plan then helping him He's blood is five percent alcohol before I even take my first drink for the day I'll bleed out right here in this gutter