#truama recovery

[livingzomboy]

some of yall forgot, so im gonna remind you:

- Moral Purity is unattainable. This is recognized in philosophy too.

-Moral purity culture today is HEAVILY ableist

- Immoral actions can be justified

- Your personality disorder doesnt make you a "bad person" even if it makes you do "bad" things

- Moral Purists are NOT welcome in real leftist spaces

-Moral Purity is pushed even more in christianity, which should tell you all you need to know.

- You deserve love , even if moral purists label you a "bad person"

- You deserve love. Period. Full Stop.

[thelosttaco]

[wilbyitjubilee]

I don't think it's wrong to surround yourself with things you love. The object of my affection recently has been stuffed animals. Of course, I'm going to be carefully considerate of the ones I get. Whenever I see one, it's almost as if I have to calculate if I would really love it. If I think I would? I'd take it home.

Sometimes I look at them surrounding me in my bed and I feel a pang of guilt. What kind of man surrounds himself in these things? Though I've come to realize one thing; I don't like an empty bed.

An empty bed reminds me of punishment. Everything you love being taken away because you didn't do something right by your father.

An empty bed reminds me of sleeping in a tent. Barely sleeping, more like. You have to stay awake at all times. Less your citizens be ambushed.

An empty bed reminds me of nights filled with dread. Where the caverns are too quiet. Where the blankets that cover you are tough and the mattress under you is stiff. Where the only thing to comfort yourself is your racing thoughts. Where it's cold, and where their whispers bounce off of the walls.

An empty bed reminds me of nights alone spent in cheap motels. The dread of knowing the little cash you own is gone but at least you have a place to sleep. Even if it smells of mildew and rot.

I really don't like an empty bed.

All this to say I'm grateful. I'm grateful I don't have to fear the things I love being taken away. I'm grateful I don't have to sleep in a tent, or in the caverns-and I am definitely grateful that I don't have to sleep in cheap motels.

I think I'm allowed to enjoy it. Just a little bit. I think I'd be a bit stuck up if I didn't. Life doesn't have to be full of those bad things anymore. Even if it still haunts you, there is healing to be done. It will be okay eventually.

So for now, I will drop myself in a big bed. With big, soft, and fuzzy blankets. With plenty of stuffed animal friends to fill my bed up and keep me company during those times where I feel alone. After everything, I almost feel entitled to that comfort. I don't think thats wrong of me. Others may disagree-and I'm okay with that.

[templetv]

forever grieving the life i couldve had- the person i couldve been- had it all never happened to me

[lostmf]

By @desnos

[generic-whumperz]

Oh buddy just you wait

*cue the night terrors

[doctor-who-binge]

9: The man who grieves

10: The man who regrets

11: The man who forgets

12: The man who heals

13: The woman who suffers

14: The man who survives

15: The man who thinks he's totally healthy, all fixed, well adjusted, went through plenty of boring life relaxation based therapy and is now hunky dory and brand new :)

[ameliaenya404]

Should I choose a noble occupation, if I did I'd only show up late and SICK and they would stare at me with hatred.

Plus my only natural talents wasted.

[aromanticfever]

Something I think about sometimes is that my mental health got better after leaving my ex which looking back on that relationship it was far from being a healthy relationship, they ended up cheating on me, spreading rumors about me at school behind my back and would always try and start fights with me all the time and forced themselves on me, my mental health was at rock bottom and was on the verge of ending it when I was with them but when I left I was a lot happier and I was doing things I actually liked even when my ex was harassing me for being happy, I felt free after leaving them and I need to give myself credit for leaving them

[redrockbutch]

Me, inventing Brand New Horrors to put my OC through: I PROMISE YOU WILL BE LOVED. YOU WILL BE SO LOVED. YOU WILL EXPERIENCE JOY YOU NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE BECAUSE PAIN IS NOT THE END OF YOUR STORY: THERE WILL ALWAYS BE LOVE.

[chaosdisorganized]

Okay so make it make sense please.

If you make a blog for traumatized people, what's the sense of having a dni that makes it so a lot of traumatized people can't have access to your blog because they have perfectly healthy coping mechanisms. I can understand traumacore because it can be triggering for some people and that's fine but age regression, really? Tell me you think age regression is inherently sexual without telling me you think it's inherently sexual. I found this great blog, pro recovery, positive posts, for traumagenic system (a hard find btw a lot of those kinds of blogs are pro endo) and they have traumacore and agere in their dni. I sent them an ask about the agere then I saw further down that they also had traumacore, so I just decided I'm going to block them. Pro recovery blogs can be so anti healthy coping mechanism it makes no sense to me. Anyways that's all I guess. I'm looking for more positivity on my dash but every single positivity page hates people who talk about their trauma and vent so I already cant follow 90% of them. It's a damn shame really.

[thelosttaco]

My life as a vibe…

[insomanic-fanfication]

Wanting to be honest

Under this line, I'm talking about an in-depth problem I have, maybe in hopes of people feeling like they aren't alone or to remind me that I'm not alone in this struggle. Especially since I always try to find support groups or someone to talk about them with. They are FOR the Eating disorder instead of trying to help.

If you are not ready to have this conversation with yourself or are not in the right headspace for this topic, Just enjoy the Cat gif and move on with your day. This also includes my mutuals; just because you love reading my post doesn't mean you have to read this one. I will not be mad over upset if you skip this one.

I want you all to know that you are all loved and deserve a great day.

CW: Child neglect, Growing up poor, Growing up in a hoarder's home, Old America parenting, Religious abuse, Generational trauma, Eating Disorders, Child Abuse, late diagnosed Autism, C-PTSD, Depression. At this point, it's labeled as Dead Dove Do Not Eat- IRL. I despise sugarcoating things, so here is me telling my story without having my coward of a family shaming me for making them look bad. Just because some of them have changed does not magically fix the pain I suffered and still heal.

We'll take mental breaks at multiple points within this post and give you links to Emergency numbers.

The first one:

Section One: Before I was born

In a small town in Texas, USA. My Mom (age 16) was dating a man (age 18) and got pregnant due to a lack of sex education. Upon finding this out, my Mom's parents (Stepfather and Mother) forced her to have me and marry that man. So she and the child (me) wouldn't go to hell (Be the talk of the Church).

Throughout her pregnancy, the man we'll call SD (Sperm donor) locked my mother in their bedroom closet, only allowing her to eat bread and water. As well as rape and abuse her. Her parents (My grandparents) knew this was happening and did nothing because "it's not rape if you're dating or married." At some point during her pregnancy, my mother was pushed down a flight of stairs by SD.

The day I was born, I wasn't the only one. I had a stillborn twin; she was fully formed. Meaning, for a good while, I was holding hands and sharing womb space with a corpse.

Section Two: After I was born

Once I was born. My mom's parents never taught her how to raise me; instead, when something needed to be done, they grabbed me and shamed my mom for not knowing how to be a good mother. Basically, using me as their version of baby-trapping my mother to stay in contact with them. So they could have free labor to be as lazy as they pleased and have their own maid to keep their house clean.

I have no idea when these things happened, so I will mention them in this paragraph. SD sexually assaulted me while changing my diaper; Mom and he divorced, and my mom was kicked out of their apartment. Cutting to the only necessary information from up until age 12, I was being bounced around different family homes; while I lived with my grandparents, I could only really eat a few things; most of the time, they were either moldy or expired. Also, I was beaten and screamed at with a belt when I misbehaved, most days hearing them screaming and hitting each other. I also would be forced to sleep on a pissed and shit-on mattress, sometimes while it was still wet. Had to climb over piles of trash and junk that my mammaw hoarded. Along with being forced to clean the whole house by age 4. Doing the clothes and dishes, cooking, taking care of the animals, getting my grandpa ready, and waking up at 02:00 (Yes, even on school nights) to make lunches for my grandpaw.

While I lived at my Nanny's (Great Grandmaw), I did have great food and a living area. However, all I was used for by her was a grieving process; I was the replacement for her husband dying.

While living with my mom and who she was dating then (My 1st Step parent before she transitioned), she tried her best to be at least somewhat of a stable human being and mother. However, she could never afford therapy and couldn't entirely cut contact with her parents.

When she was married to my 2nd Step parent, my Step Dad, they had my living brother when I was in 2nd grade. All throughout my childhood, after that, my little brother came first, and what was left went to me.

Though during my childhood, I was constantly yelled at when I acted like a child and was called a selfish brat by many family members when my 5-year-old wanted attention. Because I didn't fucking know anything about ALS or death. I just knew my Papaw, an Airforce pilot, wasn't feeling okay. Until then, my lil brain had only seen him cry when I told him, "Welcome Home!" and honestly believed nothing could kill him.

Mental Health Break! ----

The context is done, So I will be talking about my Eating disorder and current eating problems. You can choose to click off now or continue reading when you are done with the video.

Now, the present problem I'm dealing with is trauma around food in general, but also possibly a binge eating disorder.

The cycle starts with eating a normal amount, then slowly eating less and less due to something wrong happening in the household. My mom screaming about something she couldn't find or the kitchen not being clean. Then, I start becoming replused by everything in the kitchen. Only seeing expired food. So I spent more and more time in my room. Until I realize I haven't eaten in 3 days.

I have a panic attack, thinking I will die, then eat. Then, I can't stop eating; I feel guilty if food is left on my plate because I feel like I'm being ungrateful for not eating everything. My brain refuses me to turn down the food people offer me. This will go on, until I vomit because my body can't handle everything, then I start eating again, Right after.

Then, I'll panic about becoming obese (my grandparents were), then the cycle repeats itself..

is there a happy end to this? No, the only good thing, is that we live in AZ now, and my grandparents have no way of talking to me.

[lostmf]

[empowered-together]

Truama isn't a joke or some quirky thing to be proud of.

Do you know the kind of things that truama causes? It's awful and it hurts. Don't mess around with it because it's not a punchline. Stop faking it or making some insignificant event "truamatic."

Sexual assault? War? Abusive parents, partners or friends? Severe mental or neurological illnesses? Natural disasters? Car, plane, or other accidents?

Absolutely none of that is funny, is it? So why make the result washed out and forgotten as something real because you want to be unique and "traumatized"?