#tw scrupulosity

[thebloggerthatjesusloved]

[burninglights]

tw religious trauma, tw suicide, tw scrupulosity

sometimes i think that i got out of church relatively in traumatised and other times it’s 1.20am and i am having a panic attack about having lost my salvation by committing blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. mostly I am perpetually afraid i wish one of the suicide attempts had worked and id just killed myself at 13 so i wasn’t in this situation

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

why does this fandom love to glom onto ideas that fuck with my intrusive thoughts really badly. first it was the c!wilbur meta fiction thing making me feel like my scrupulousity was somehow valid and I was a villain and now this making me feel like that if I died I could get peace :(

[jellyfishhhhhhhhhhh]

moral ocd is like "why haven't you solved world hunger and brought about world peace completely by yourself without a single person helping you and without acknowledgement for anything that you did or the fact that you did it because if you did you'd be a bad person? and if you ignore the shame you are even worse? also if you talk about this to anyone you're attention seeking!! okie byeeeee!!! now go do your allotted activity to make you not bad™ anymore."

[daybringersol]

ok so like how long until we actually start destigmatizing moral ocd cuz im startingnto feel like im rotting inside

[fangsup-cobrastyle]

If you don't understand why the constant bombardment of "share this or you're a bad person" triggers my OCD and sends me into massive anxiety attacks that make me a danger to myself, you should thank whatever higher power you believe in. You think I'm sitting here choosing to ignore people who are suffering because I don't care enough? My mind is torturing me to the point where I need to get away from things like that before I hurt myself. Stop telling me that I should be suffering because other people have it worse and then wondering why I don't want to be alive.

Having OCD is like living inside of a 24/7 horror movie that you can never escape, only learn to be less afraid of, and then having people tell you that you're a bad person for being in that horror movie.

[raging-guanche]

tumblr is such a horrible place for people with ocd.

"if you do or did this youre BAD YOU'RE A HORRIBLE PERSON WHO DESERVES DEATH PENALTY FOR YOUR UNFORGIVABLE CRIME YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO CHANGE OR BE BETTER"

like, maybe understand that people aren't saints or human crap, if no one got directly harmed and if it isn't intentional, please explain things with a more positive len if is possible.

obviously this isn't about saying "hey guysss dont be a nazi thats bad :(((", im talking about mistakes anyone can make without necessarily having bad faith.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

okay so prayer request. a week and a half ago i discussed a specific behaviour i've been very tempted to do for months with my psych. this is Not A Good Behaviour. anyway as of tonight i have now done it three (3) times - twice while i was at my parents and once just now. it is. A Bad Idea. i know this and i know how dangerous it is and i cannot find it in me to care enough to stop myself. if you are sunny you'll know what behaviour i'm talking about. but regardless i would like prayers, both to generally Feel Better and also to not make this in to a habit: it becomes clinically significant if it's done once every week or fortnight for three months, but at the same time it's much much easier to stop it before it starts than to try and stop it once it's become a compulsion.

[waywardtyrantpirate]

God, I wanna cry so bad. I was doing laundry today and my brain keeps saying that I drank the wrong amount of drinks in between loads an now I can't apply for jobs but I really need to apply for jobs. I'm literally going insane. But my brain says that if I do that then *something really bad, a very specific and horrible intrusive thought* will happen an itll be all my fault bc im evil.

Anybody else relate???

[flirts-with-dragons]

As a person with severe moral ocd that has hospitalized me several times in the past and has caused multiple attempts, I really did not expect to have had such intense exposure therapy as I've been having being on tumblr.

Like literally every day I get on here and see shit like extensive very threatening dnis and death threats and "if you are (x) you are an irredeemable horrible person" posts

Definitely increased my "mental toughness" as the influencers call it

[asexualfromhell]

I hate the aspect of OCD that makes me isolate, like if it gets really bad ill just hide and spend significantly less time with the people that I love. And then they think I don't like them, AND THATS THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IM SORRY ITS JUST THAT IM CONSTANTLY BATTLING WITH MYSELF ITS EXHAUSTING

AND HAVING TO MASK MOST OF THE TIME TOO I JUST WANT TO HIDE AND MY EMOTIONS ARE SO HEIGHTENED AND ITS SO LOUD JSJJSJSNSBSJWJS

[crippleculture]

[thetraumatrain]

For the love of god everyone please shut up about Hogwarts Legacy. My moral OCD has started to get intrusive thoughts/delusions around a fucking HARRY POTTER GAME. I keep thinking I’ve bought it and I’m evil and I’m transphobic. I HAVEN’T BOUGHT IT I CANT AFFORD IT AND IM TRANS. The constant back and forth between posts about how cool the game is and posts about how it’s the spawn of satan is MURDERING MY BRAIN like please if you want the game SHUT UP ABOUT IT and buy it secondhand and play your evil wizard in peace or some shit. I am legit going to have to do EXPOSURE THERAPY over a fucking HARRY POTTER GAME and I will NEVER FORGIVE YOU

[thebloggerthatjesusloved]

Have you ever just accidentally revealed for the first time an OCD compulsion or a neurosis you’ve had your whole life? Couldn’t be me….

[dontthinkorjudge]

act of intention: day twenty-two

tw: descriptions of moral ocd / scrupulosity, older sibling figure with mental illness

tldr: i'm honestly just happy i'm holding it together right now. that's all i've done today. i'm sorry.

today was rough. i had a really bad ocd flareup when i was with my boyfriend's family. he has a lot of much younger siblings, so whenever i'm not expected to be a role model or entertain them (which i'm not - his parents don't want that authoritative sibling relationship), i'm terrified that i'll hurt them by being careless or modelling one of my flawed behaviours. it leaves me shut down and terrified of doing literally anything to prevent anything less than perfect from ruining their lives.

the worst part is that i'm doing exactly that with my symptoms. my boyfriend explained to his sister, who's nine, why i'm so nervous all the time, and everything i thought was just what i deserved was just...completely lost on her. "why would i be hurt if she didn't want any more hugs today?" "how is she a bad person for having a snack?" i'm completely letting her down and putting her in an unfair position, which is the last thing i want with them.

i'm just so tired and hurt for them. they deserve better. honestly, i do too.

[allthepeculiarthings]

delusion warning please don't read if you're sensitive to it

i get so paranoid that im in some kind of scientific experiment. like in a simulation but its only me. i'm the only person in the experimental group. like i wouldn't care if i was living in the matrix because fuck it - so is everyone else. but my fear is that it's only me, and the scientists are scrutinising and analysing every little thing i do. like please just leave me alone and let me die in obscurity.

when im feeling scrupulous (lol) its my ancestors and relatives watching over me. do you know what a turn off it is to suddenly imagine the ghost of my great grandma watching me masturbate. it's so fucking annoying.