#tw: mentions of dissociation.

[theresidentfullmoon]

POV: You're a system.

[anti-endo-pillow-fort]

hey chat so...

uhh...

is it possible for an alter that like, for a long time you thought was gone for good and forever, can just like...sorta come back??? if someone could reblog this with an answer id appreciate it

[syscultureis]

Plural Culture (traumatized in general) is never knowing how to properly add trigger warnings because you've become so desensitized to everything that you don't know what's seen as needed, or what's doing too much

And half the time you don't even know how to tag it any way because "can I just put general tw? Do I need to specify which type of abuse is occuring? Is what's being said even clear/graphic/whatever enough for people to realize unless I add the tw? Would adding the tw make it worse??"

And then regardless of all that you still end up posting something that's apparently massively triggering, with no warning, because you thought it was just normal life stuff and then you feel bad about it but all you can actually do is just add the needed tws and apologize

*this is not an apology post, apologies from us will be much more clear if they're needed, this has not happened recently, but it's something that's been on our mind a lot

[anti-endo-help]

☆ — friendly(/gen) reminder time ...

friendly reminder that the owner of this blog is bodily only 14 years old!! 😭 this reminder goes for pro-endos and anti-endos alike, because i feel like both sides have forgotten they're interacting with a very young minor. i have not even gone into high school yet, i am not fit to deal with: death threats, harassment, paranoia inducing asks or messages, diagnosing people, or helping you figure out your trauma/what kind of trauma you have. i am a child.

i will re-clarify that i do not mind things like venting, but please do not send any of the above into my inbox. p.s please keep asks about vents about specifically ramcoa trauma to a minimum... i apologize for the inconvenience, but i am a part of a ramcoa system, and we aren't good at helping or providing comfort when it comes to the topic. thank you all!! have a great day!!

[ID: STOP! this blog is a strictly anti-endo space! pro-endos and endo neutrals, shoo! shoo shoo!]

[thattheater-kid]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it is okay to grieve dormancy. Dormancy is normal and sometimes healthy, it should be treated as normal and possibly even healthy, and it’s not the same as death, however it is okay to grieve.

It’s like if a friend moved far away, and you don’t know when you’ll see them again. It’s a normal part of life, sometimes it just happens, sometimes it has to happen, but you’ll still feel pain and grief from it, and that’s okay. You experienced a loss. It may not be permanent, but it’s still a loss, and grief is normal.

[lostcitysystem]

My heart goes out to other systems who have to spend the holidays with their abusers.

You will be free from them some day.

You are not to blame for their actions.

You are doing your best.

You are loved.

[puppyoclock]

average DID study: we assessed TWO people (representative of the entire DID population) who were diagnosed using the DSM negative twelve (which the dinosaurs used). we told a story and then asked them to tell us ONE thing about it, then gave them a score of how well they remembered the story based on the vibes of what they told us. they remembered anything at all, so the conclusion to take from that is that they were probably making everything up. more research needed

[disrealities]

System / alter alternatives with viscera themes! — requested by @sanguinaryfreaks ^_^

"system" . . . Morgue, Mortuary, Mortality, Celluloid, Macabre, Carnage, Necropsy, Bile, Alveolus, Parenchyma, Anatomy, Bacteria, Ventricle, Organ, Disease, Brainstem, Bloodflow / Bloodstream, Heartwhole, Pseudoheart, Mindwipe, Hindbrain

"alter" . . . Entrails, Tissues, Organs, Bodies, Innards, Carcasses, Corpses, Skulls, Arteries, Samples, Guts, Forensics, Specimen, Nerves, Cadavers, Roadkill, Organelles, Ruptures, Cavities, Vessels, Injuries, Patients, Valves, Coelom

[blueflipflops]

Blessed is The Fruit of Thy Womb

tw: pregnancy, violence, dissociating

Inspired by @cyrwrites 's prompt which is just too good to not write about Talia being pregnant from the exposure from the Lazarus Pits. Saw the tag about "Damian having a complex due to danny's whole "Child of Lazarus" thing he's got going on" and ran with it. Also the religious allegations thing was inspired and I am so here for it. Ended up longer than i planned tho. Would probably add more to this. Enjoy.

Next

...

Damian Al Ghul was born a prince. An heir. The blood son of Batman and Talia Al-Ghul. The grandson of the Demon Head.

He is to have the world presented to him in a silver platter even before he reaches his majority.

And yet... that's not quite right, now, isn't it?

Because for all the gift of genes he has in his body, for all the training he has ever endure ever since he learned how to walk... that is all he'll ever be.

A genetic experiment on how to get all the appealing genetic material from both parents and make it into a child.

His mother did not even bear him!

Pregnancy is too much of a hassle, too restrictive, too dangerous for her line of work. She need not be bothered to undergo the burdens of pregnancy when she can create a perfect child in a test tube.

Yet for all her complaints and stilted explainations, why...

Why does it seem like she cared more for the Child that grew itself in her womb?The one that came out of nowhere. The one she birthed herself. The one that Damian seemed to keep losing everything to.

Ever since his mother's womb grew with child with a distinct energy only felt in the Lazarus Pits, she has became estatic and raving. She had claimed that the Lazarus Pits has Chosen her to bear the fruit of its power. The one true heir. The Incarnate of Immortality and Power.

She claims all the honor and the pains that came with it. She became obssessed with the Child even before it was born. Even more when it was born male and familliar feeling of power emanating the infant. The Child opened its eyes with glowing Lazarus green eyes and the scent of death clinging to its blood covered flesh. It did not cry when it was born but just opened its eyes seemingly judging the worth midwife's life in the mortal realm. It must have deemed it unworthy as it is said that the stare looked straight to her soul and drove her mad. Damian never really knew who did the final blow. Was it his mother, the midwife herself or if it was his... brother just as rumored. Damian did not care to know any of that only that the midwife and several other helpers did died that day screaming and bloodied. Their corpses dumped over to the Pits as an offering.

The first time Damian had looked upon those cursed eyes where the first he had ever felt real fear in his life. In the very young age of 10 was he formally introduced to the Child. It looked like a human but distinctly not at the same time. Like an entity thats trying too hard to appear human but forgets what humans look like half the time.

The Child unsettles Damian.

It began its training about the same age as Damian did and unsurprisingly took on the skills easily as breathing. With abilities that seems to only get stronger with time and added training. It is not as perfect as his Mother praise it to be as it is said to go off in bouts of mad rage that seemed to only calm after blood has been spilt. This stopped being a problem after they found out that constant baths in the Pits have a similar enough effect without thinning their forces from the whims of the Child.

Slowly, no matter how hard Damian trains, no matter how successful he is in each obstacles or tests thrown his way, he will never get that Honor he was raised to believe was rightfully his. He was put to the side. Once a future leader now in a role of a follower.

Damian Al-Ghul is a prince. A warrior. An assassin. A spare. A bargaining chip against his father.

For all that the Child is younger than him by a mere year, Damian, with his obvious superior combination of genes, is less than the Child of Lazarus himself.

No matter.

There is one thing the Child cannot claim over him.

He is the blood son of Batman. Not him. Never him. Batman has no claim to the Child either as his mother ravingly repeated over and over again. (As if to remind him of his place.)

He is the only blood son of Batman after all. Not him. Damian need not share what is rightfully his.

No. Of course not.

That is why when his mother told him that he is to pack up his belongings to live and train with his father, Damian did not hesitate nor did he looked back.

His father will be different, he knows this. He will value him more than some demon child from the pits, he is sure. Even if he has to prove himself for it.

...

Danny is dissociating most of the time and feels like this is a very detailed hallucination post vivisection and cannot (dont want to) accept to awknowledge what is happening. He doesn't know what to do with himself if this was real. He has killed people here and sometimes in blind rage too. His core is very fragmented which means his memories are all over the place. Add that to his willful ignorance of the development of his apparent reincanation, he is very Messed Up.

To him, he is Danyal Al Ghul. Heir to the Demon Head, son of Talia Al Ghul, and Child of the Lazarus. But he is more than that, isn't he? He sees flashes of life before this. Of flight and action. Of family and friends. But that can't be right, can it? He feels like something else. Like someone else. But how can that be?

He emanated death energy all over because he can't control his emotions and powers as much as his teenager self. The ectoplasm in the air in the LOA's lair comes from the Lazarus Pits which is so corrupted from the amount of death, corpses, and heavily concentrated emotions, that it messes with Danny's head. He tried to get as much distance from the Pits as possible but Danny can't survive without ambient ectoplasm especially with his core being fragmented like this. When the stress got too much (which was often) he ends up in blind rage that only stops when someone dies and he hungrily absorbs up the ectoplasm from the freshly new corpse. And it goes over and over again until Danny decides that enough is enough. He doesnt want to not have complete control of his body nor does he want to kill more than what his new family is already making him to. He just has to suck it up and get his ectoplasm from the nearest available source: the Lazarus Pits.

After that, he stopped randomly killing people whenever he gets pissed. Being so hungry all the time, the ectoplasm from the pits started to become delicious to Danny but still. He tries to limit his consumption to the very minimum because it messes his head a bit wheter he notices it or not. So like 2-3 times a month. He stopped being deathly hungry.

His apparent "skill/genius" is just a abnormal one up from a normal child who had not lived half a lifetime growing up with a black belt ghost hunter mom who trains them to fight as mother-son bonding time. He didn't really go about it easily either. (Damian is just an unreliable narrator) He just instictively knows the basics and the theory but had to relearn how to do it in his new body that the League just polishes and sharpens to the max blinded by the idea of Danny being the Child of Lazarus. (Them being a cult and all) His hair becoming flame-like wisps and glowing eyes when angered did not help this theory. Nor did his inhuman strength and ghostly powers or his sharp teeth either. He seems to be able to use his powers even in his human form but ra's pissed him off so much one time he reverted to his ghost form...which became so twisted as the years has passed from all the trauma he has experienced and turned into a giant eldritch monster with way too many eyes and teeth, a cloud-like expanse of space and stars, and an Aurora Borealis encircled above his head like a crown. Ra's learned some lines drawn in the sand that day. He is overcome with both fear and poorly contained greed. His eyes dilated from the show of sheer power from this Child. Oh, how he hungers for it.

Danny, despite his nonexistent efforts, became a momma's boy. How can he not when his new mother showers him with love and affection near obssessively? His core subconsciously purrs in satisfaction from the attention despite the overall creepiness of the situation. His core imprinted on the woman already. Who cares if she's a bit crazy? His mother has always been a bit crazy. His memories of past!Maddie (pre-discovery/vivesection thingy) get muddled over and mixes up with memories of Talia which makes him latch onto her more. (Which Talia definitely encourages.) Because his mom is finally paying attention to him again :) she says she loves him :) and she doesn't want to rip him apart molecule by molecule :)))

(He knows. He asked! Although the words may have got tied up on his tongue and the question may have sounded more like a threat than what was intending to ask. But its all good! Surely his mother understood what he was trying to say because she immedietely hugged him and told him that she loved him very much and asked very nicely not to kill her. He is sure that they became closer after that. Talia is just thankful that her Child continues to recognize her as his Mother/Bearer and spared her from his usual rages. She is, of course, worth more than these other lowly mortals. Danyal is hers and hers only after all.)

...

Damian, on baby's first crisis: I am the blood son of Batman. The ONLY son of Batman. Surely I don't have to share him with others :)

Me, nervously looking over my shoulder to see a line of robins and robin-adjacent children that had at one point dressed up as a caped traffic light or another: ...uhhh...

Me, looking at the other side seeing Terry Mcginnis and Helena Bertinelli/Wayne playing rock paper sissors : yeah... about that...

Damian is very biased here. Because how the fuck is he going to compete with a fucking demon pit incarnate??? He's got a lot of thoughts about being replaced here which ha! New flavor of trauma for my baby bird. :)

Love giving Damian a complex :) Wanna put him in a jar of pickles and shake it :)

Also would love to see Damian will arrive ready to prove his worth only to find out that Batman is dead/missing/stranded in the timestream and how it will affect his new flavors of complexes and issues. Lol Oh to be a fly on the wall of the batcave when that happens. Wait dont they have bats there? Flies would get eaten—

Lol someone calls Damian a demon child once and he gets geniunely offended. He hisses back that he is not a Lazarus Pit Baby and thats how the batfam finds out about danny. They all panic at first thinking that not only did Bruce have another secret child but said child is apparently still with LOA. And boy would that do wonders to Damian's buried insecurities. Damian is going going to experience some Emotions and he's going to make it everyone's problem.

Like mother like son.

Talia and possibly Ra's POV next

Anyways, here are them tags:

@emergentpanda-blog @skulld3mort-1fan @rosecinnamonbun @ver-444 @learning-to-fly-on-my-own @dannyphantomphan @yasminerd00 @blep-23

[anti-endo-safe-space]

This is gonna make me probably sound kinda dumb, but what is narc abuse? Why is it so problematic? / genuine question

Hey no worries!

Narc abuse is basically saying that someone was abusive BECAUSE they had Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). A disorder itself is not abusive. That's like saying there's depression abuse because the person who abused them had depression.

NPD is a highly misunderstood disorder. Most people you hear will say that pwNPD (people with NPD) are evil or abusive when they went through abuse themselves, that's what led to the disorder.

And some people will say "well I'm not talking about pwNPD but narcissists" and, let me say this clearly, being a narcists is having NPD. You can be selfish and manipulative and NOT be a pwNPD. Your ex is not one just because she cheated on you Dave, she was just an ass. NPD is not just being full of yourself, a lot of times pwNPD hate themselves or parts of them do. Obviously that's not all but. (Dave is not a real person, I'm sorry if there is a Dave reading this, I picked a random guy name).

Basically, it's people who were abused and instead of labeling it what it actually was (physical, mental, emotional, sexual, whatever it was) and want to demonize an already demonized disorder.

You will notice there are some anti endos who believe in narc abuse, they refuse to listen to those of us with the disorder.

Also also also. Narc is a word that pwNPD ONLY want pwNPD to use seeing as how it is frequently considered a slur like the r slur. Please do not use the word narc (unless your calling someone a narc as in they sold you out for something and even then, we recommend changing the spelling a bit.

[truly-a-snitch]

i dont usually post abt (c)did but i figured itd be funny to share the pipeline ive gone down because ppl keep saying they had the same/similar experience

[syscultureis]

sys culture is we still live with our abusers but we've started trying not to interact with them at all but they keep fucking talking to us

.

[the-astrophel-system]

Why Alters Are All You, & The Formation Of DID

Tw for talk of abuse (implications to different types), trauma, unsafe caregivers, trauma responses, homophobia, and brief talk of death. We're talking about the formation of DID, childhood trauma, please be cautious if you continue.

Let's discuss what people say is the basics of Dissociative Identity Disorder, its formation. The current leading theory is the Theory of Structural Dissociation (ToSD). Yes, we still need to know more about this disorder, but this is the current leading theory and was written by Ellert R. Nijenhuis, Kathy Steele, and Onno Van Der Hart. They took some research, ideas, and words from other authors and researchers, added their research and ideas, mixed it all together and presented us with the ToSD in their book: The Haunted Self.

Now, there are plenty of problems with the theory, and I know that Hart and other researchers you see in this field haven't been the best people. However, it is currently the leading theory. Colin A Ross spoke about numerous problems with the theory, but he even states that this theory is a significant contribution. While yes, it isn't perfect, and any scientific theory can and should be constantly improved on, its pretty damn good. What I understood from reading Ross' response, the understanding it gives us of DID is good, the issue is when it addresses other disorders, or lack there of. I will state, before going onto my point of the post, that Ross mentions that there is confusion of what counts as an emotional part (EP). In the sense of, how differentiated does an EP need to be, to count as a separate dissociated state?

I don't want to go into that all today, because I'm not a professional and cannot confirm what would count, at least in Ross' eyes.

What I want to talk about, is what the ToSD does give us, and why it explains that all parts/alters are You.

Now, I know I will get a lot of hate for this. So all I'll say is that: I'm willing to discuss this matter further, however I will not tolerate any insults, threats, belittlement, or any other kinds of hate. If you are mature, I'm open to discussion.

The ToSD states that everyone is born with ego states. These states are in charge of meeting specific needs. A child needs love, affection, food, comfort, sleep, etc etc. If a child is able to dissociate to a high level, has a disorganised attachment to their primary caregiver (which is inherently traumatic), and experiences repeated childhood trauma, they can potentially develop DID.

If a child experiences trauma, their brain is going to do its absolute best to protect them. They may fight, flight, or freeze (especially if it is repeated). Maybe all three. That child may subconsciously think that if they were a different gender, or a different age, or maybe if they were stronger or scarier, they could prevent this from happening to them. Maybe they felt like they deserved this pain, that they're an awful monster, or just a toy or an animal to their abusers. Maybe they just refused to accept this was happening to them because if it did, they would be dead.

Their brain will do anything it can to try and prevent and explain this trauma.

They may try to seek help from caregivers, but remember, in the case of DID, that child will have some kind of disorganised attachment. That child will not feel safe enough to tell them about this trauma, or if they do, they aren't supported in the way they need to heal and process. Maybe their caregivers are the source of this trauma, they have already tried to tell them to stop.

Nothing is working, this child is essentially trapped.

So, like I said earlier, this child's subconscious is working on overdrive and trying its absolute best to survive this. Dissociation is a very complex and extraordinary coping mechanism.

So the child pushes away the trauma, dissociating so chronically they disconnect to everything happening, and themselves. This dissociation is keeping those different ego states separated, preventing from them integrating during childhood. Instead, this dissociation basically creates amnesiac barries between each ego state. If that dissociation wasn't there, those states would try to integrate, but because some experienced trauma, they cannot harmoniously coexist. This is the differentiation between ANP's and EP's. ANP's (apparently normal parts) are the parts that are in charge of daily living, they are disconnected from any trauma. EP's (emotional parts) are the parts that remember or are connected to different traumas. EP's dont have to be emotional, it simply is to refer to the parts that are connected to trauma.

Anyway, mini ramble aside. ANP's and EP's are separated from each other, they still are aiming to meet certain needs for the child/person now. That's why it is so helpful or common for systems to catagorise alters into roles. Some parts are simply trauma responses, some exist to make friendships and connections, some have very specific roles/needs they meet, some alters exist to soothe, or protect, or whatever. They are still dissociated parts, aiming to meet needs.

All alters are still dissociated from each other, and some may believe they are the only one there, or the "original" because they are an ANP or host. Again there is not an "original" because the full personality was never whole to begin with. You started with different ego states, and you still are different ego states (obviously alters have grown and developed (but still not fully)).

So with that being understood, lets address the title of this post. All alters are You. Thinking about everything I have addressed for far, all alters are dissociated from each other, so what do you mean there can be a "You"? Again, I'm not talking about an "original", I'm talking about all aspects of the Self that is being dissociated from.

I used to find this fact absolutely ridiculous and hurtful and dismissing. But after starting to learn more about this disorder, working on self validation, and starting on trauma processing, it has made it so much easier to understand.

I, Virgil, am a part of Clem and Skye. Clem and Skye are parts of me. And this is the same for all alters. We are all different ego states that are dissociated from each other, from the Self.

So, what happens if we all fuse? And no, I'm not saying that's the only way to heal, I'm just trying to put this in perspective. If we all fuse, we would be dissociating so much less, we would be fused ego states and we'd create a fully formed and developed personality. We are all parts, and if we fuse, we create a whole.

A whole that we are no longer dissociating from. We will be the whole Self, the whole "You". We will not be dissociating from each other.

I cannot express this enough, fusions happen when you no longer need alters to be separated, they can exist harmoniously, they share emotions and thoughts and feelings and they are not dissociated from each other. There is no memory amnesia, or identity amnesia between them.

Again to clarify, all alters are dissociated ego states that grow and develop, and then if you all fuse, that is when the Self is no longer dissociated from. You'll finally be a complete You.

Another thing I want to address is differing opinions of alters. Let's use another hypothetical. Let's say you have like five different alters that are all queer in some way, but you have five that are cisgender and straight. Two of those cishet alters are homophobic and transphobic. So, if you all fuse, what will you identify as? While I cannot say anything for certain, I can take a big guess and say that no matter what you identify as, you may not be homophobic/transphobic. In this hypothetical, I'm assuming those alters have those beliefs because of things they experienced growing up. Internalised homophobia and all that. As you process trauma and become more accepting of yourself, and you fuse, I would guess those parts are no longer dissociated from that queer identity, whatever that identity may be.

I hope this makes sense. While alters can and do grow outside of trauma, those foundations are shaped because of the experiences of the child. Age, gender, opinions, personality, species, and even sexuality, can all be based and rooted in that trauma and experiences.

Healing from that trauma means reconnecting with the Self, whatever that looks like for you. It may not be the singlet persona many systems use, it may not be the host, it may be something different than what you originally thought. But it will be You and it will be right. It will be the Self that you've finally reconnected with.

Anyway, I think I've rambled enough. TLDR: all alters are You, and if you fuse, you will reconnect with the Self that was originally being dissociated from.

small edit: it is okay if you aren’t ready to accept alters and trauma. but that doesn't change the fact that you're all dissociated parts ✌️

[thattheater-kid]

A very traumatized, very unwell, heavily grieving alter whose spouse went dormant laughed and smiled genuinely for the first time in nine months today! I’m so proud of him!

[lostcitysystem]

I feel like we don’t talk enough about medical trauma as a cause/contributor for DID/OSDD/DDs.

We spent three months in the hospital at age 5 due to complications from a major surgery and it kickstarted a lot of our dissociative symptoms since we constantly felt trapped/scared. We now also have a dedicated alter (Ghost💊 or sometimes Newt🦎) to cope when we get a common cold or something similar. Rn we have a sinus infection and Blue🌌 is seriously struggling with keeping up and fronting. It also caused us consistent trouble in staying vaccinated because of the association of needles with our trauma.

What I’m trying to say is that a lot of dissociative disorders are cause by prolonged/repetitive and serious trauma and this absolutely includes medical trauma.

If you experienced medical trauma you are valid.

If it caused many of your psychiatric disorders to date, you are valid.

If you get triggered by medical scenarios and or have specific alters to deal with medical stuff, you are valid.

If you struggle to go to the hospital, get vaccinations, get tested for diseases etc, you are valid.

[youngdutchishot]

1907 dutch dissociating so bsdly and reminiscing about him and hosea and arthur and sobbing but finally grieving what happened and thats it tbh idrk