#cw ramcoa mention

[disabled-sysboxes]

RAMCOA SYSTEM LABELS –

RAMCOA System: A term for systems who have been through RAMCOA.

HC-DID: A term coined for systems who have been through RAMCOA and have an incredibly complex system structure. It stands for “highly complex DID”. 

RC-DID: A term coined for systems who have been through RAMCOA. It stands for “RAMCOA caused DID” or “RAMCOA complex DID”.

RAC-DID: A term for systems who have been through RA. It stands for “Ritual Abuse caused DID”.

OAC-DID: A  term for systems who have been through OA. It stands for “Organised Abuse caused DID”.

EOAC-DID: A  term for systems who have been through EOA. It stands for “Extreme and Organised Abuse caused DID”.

MCC-DID: An umbrella term for system’s who have been through TBMC and / or its sub-types. MCC-DID encompasses TBMCC-DID and HBMCC-DID. It stands for “Mind Control caused DID”

TBMCC-DID: A term for systems who have been through TBMC. It stands for “Torture Based Mind Control caused DID”.

HBMCC-DID: A term for systems who have been through HBMC. It stands for “Hypnosis Based Mind Control caused DID”.

RA System: A term for systems who have been through ritual abuse. Can also be another way of saying “Ritual Abuse caused DID”.

MC System: An umbrella term for systems who have been through TBMC and / or its sub-types. Can also be another way of saying “Mind Control caused DID”.

TBMC System: A term for systems who have been through TBMC. Can also be another way of saying “Torture Based Mind Control caused DID”.

HBMC System: A term for systems who have been through HBMC. Can also be another way of saying “Hypnosis Based Mind Control caused DID”.

OA System: A term for systems who have been through organised abuse. Can also be another way of saying “Organised Abuse caused DID”.

EOA System: A term for systems who have been through extreme and organised abuse. Can also be another way of saying “Extreme and Organised Abuse caused DID”

Programmed System: A term for systems who have been programmed into being a system.

(A) System With Programming: A term for systems who, at first, weren’t programmed into being a system, but were programmed later in life.

–

Terms taken from our RAMCOA terms masterlist document.

Decided to make a post that lists all of the definitions / meanings of the terms and will link it in our pinned post.

[fireflies-positivity]

To Our RAMCOA Survivor Neighbors:

Your trauma is Not too severe! Your Existence is Not triggering or scary!

You are Not making it up, and it is Not just false memories!

You deserve Love, Care, and a place to vent and Heal!

We Love You, Friend!!

~Wally🎨🍎

[waywardtyrantpirate]

Tw: abuse, childhood torture, sexual abuse

I've had this memory of the basement. In my old house. It was a huge house w/ a full basement. The laundry room was down there so I was down there occasionally. The times I were were very strange.

I had been walking around in the basement and my parents were doing something. I walked into this room that had boards on the floor that had nails in them, boxes and a Christmas tree. There was a door w/ the boards against it. My mother told me not to go in there due to the boards w/ nails in them.

I got...scared of the door. My stomach dropped. For some reason I got scared. And my brain got fuzzy. Everytime I remember I get staticy like the other memory just not as much.

Years later my mother casually mentions that there was a room in the basement w/ a collar w/ a chain...

Did-did something happen to me?

If anyone can tell me what this is please comment or message

[shattered-lullabies]

We might be a ramcoa survivor. But I can't explain what happened to me in an ask for opinions bc it would potentially out who we are, and put us in danger :(

[pluralcultureis]

CW: mention of RAMCOA

plural culture + RAMCOA system culture is stealing endo terms/roles that are actually pretty good.

I mean they stole system hopping (“hopping” from one sub/sidesystem to another) and system reset (basically just reorganizing how the system is) as well as a few system roles from us (RAMCOA systems) so why not enact revenge by stealing back?

.

[anti-endo-haven]

Do you have any sources for what you said about system hopping? Earliest references to it I found on the internet point to it starting as an endo thing.

The majority of areas where I’ve found it out are on Tumblr so you don’t have to believe what I’ve said (and even searching for RAMCOA resources is very limited in genuinely good content besides books).

Mainly areas talking about being found all here:

https://www.tumblr.com/antiendovents/745774396827942912/i-hate-that-endos-have-stolen-an-actual-term-made

Again, I’ve seen it circulating that it’s been a term for RAMCOA systems that endos have stolen from. Similar terms being system resets, shell alters, etc.

And someone might say “well SophieInWonderland said differently,” I don’t care. They’re an endo and endo supporter, we have them blocked.

[disabled-sysboxes]

WELCOME TO DISABLED SYS BOXES!

We are an account inspired by @sysboxes! We are ran by one system and create our own system userboxes for fun.

This account will focus on system userboxes for disabilities and mental illnesses.

To search for alter & system userboxes separetly, search the tags: #system userbox for system user boxes ("this system...") #alter userbox for alter user boxes ("this alter...")

If you want to find a box that you requested if you didn't see it when it posted, you can search #requested box.

All posts are in a queue, and we shuffle the cue a fair amount. We post around 5 userboxes a day between, although we might change this to be a little more depending on how popular this blog gets.

Most posts will have the disorder in the tags and the description of the post, so please use the search function before asking if we have a set of userboxes for a specific disorder!

INFORMATION POSTS:

RAMCOA Terms + Information Google Doc System Terms + Roles Masterlist Google Doc RAMCOA System Label Definitions RAMCOA System Labels Disclaimer Post

[TEXT ID: REQUESTS]

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REQUESTS ARE CURRENTLY OPEN!

Please feel free to request any kind of userbox that pertains to disabilities! They can be any combination of disorders, any silly thing to do with a disorder, anything!

[TEXT ID: RULES]

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All requests must be SFW and not explicit in nature

Due to personal preference, we will not do any userboxes that contain mentions of (recreational) drugs (inlcu. medical use of them) outside of the typical prescribed medications (anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-psychotics, etc).

Requests must not perpetuate disorder specific harassment / stigmatisation such as: narc abuse, bpd abuse, cluster a abuse, all people with [xyz] disorder are awful people, etc.

Requests can include colour combinations, font requests (such as the dyslexie font), and icon requests.

If you are rude, you will be blocked. Sending hate or harassment or rude messages on anon will not be tolerated and the ask will simply be deleted.

We do not owe you anything!! We are just one mod, so things will take time!! Please be patient.

We will tag everything according to this list of common triggers. Please do not ask for things to be tagged unless we mistakenly didn't tag something that should've been. We are not responsible for your personal triggers.

Relating to tagging, bright colours will be tagged with both 'cw / tw bright colours' and 'cw / tw bright [colour name]' so people who know what bright colours they can handle are able to determine if they can view the post.

You can send it asks that are just 'how are you?' or stuff like that, we don't mind!

Our DNI is at the end of this post!

[TEXT ID: MOD INTRO]

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We are Danse Macabre, a DID system that is physically disabled and neurodivergent. We use he / hir / (plural) they pronouns collectively and currently ID as a gay, intersex interfluid tmascfem guy!

We have dyslexia, autism, inattentive adhd and a plethora of other disorders. If you notice a spelling mistake in a box please send an ask in with the link to the post and we'll be sure to fix it.

Our main blog is @radpocalypse if you want to see us losing our marbles over anything ever.

We are an avid user of sysboxes from the sysbox tumblr account, and we have a lot of ideas for our own sysboxes - which is why we started this blog!

[TEXT ID: DNI]

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Our DNI is as follows - those who fall under this criteria cannot use our boxes.

Endogenic Systems / Pro-Endogenic systems (Traumagenic w/ neutral stances can use our boxes)

MAP / NOMAP / Pears

Terfs / Radfems

Proshippers / Comshippers / Darkshippers / etc

Basic DNI critera (racist, homophobic, etc)

Zionists

Anyone who believes in cluster a / b / c abuse

Anyone who believes that alters can have disabilities / disorders the body doesn't (i.e one alter having BPD but the rest of the system doesn't). Alters can hold symptoms and show off more obvious traits than others, but the entire system has the disorder.

[granulesofsand]

Hay, I hope you’re having a nice day.

Do you have any tips about dealing with survivors guilt, especially around m*rder.

We are trying to come to terms that we:

A. Where a literal child, much less one who understood the extent of the situation 

B. That we are to not blame for someone death, no matter what our handler said 

There is a few more things to be said, but honestly my brain is way too foggy to even try to process it. 

Easing Guilt

I had to take a few therapy sessions for this one. CW for death, torture, forced perpetration, RAMCOA, guilt and shame. Though I do appreciate the greetings with asks, they do sometimes read like a punch in the gut.

This article is about coercion under torture, but I read it and found pieces helpful for less related guilt. https://drive.google.com/drive/mobile/folders/1FqT248H1e6w9P2zWheTnaMXsrvT-ZqzJ/1M7i7t3WBPwrcjtIlb6ii4XD8zyRd6Fza?usp=drive_link&sort=13&direction=a

This should take you to the Legion system’s Drive, which has a bunch of other RAMCOA resources.

Guilt vs Shame

Treating each other with respect and dignity is good for relieving guilt. Adult perpetrators shovel shame onto alters they want to keep cooperative, and holding space for those actions makes it easier to move away from that. Turning the “I am bad” to “I did something bad” and eventually resolving that.

Regardless of whether a death is caused by forced perpetration or external circumstances, it’s in the past. You are here now, and you can move forward into a better future.

Responsibility

For those who were hurt but not killed by others, even others who were significantly older than they, many don’t hold those people in a negative light. In the linked text, page 18 (2nd page under VI) talks about co-victims holding their coerced perpetrator blameless.

I’ve heard of adults in combat from both ends, one endlessly guilty and the other holding them without contempt. The same chapter, about a paragraph down, mentions a young girl who releases her perp and the perps before him.

Not everyone forgives the hurt caused to them, but many survivors do believe “justice” is less about retribution and more about guaranteeing safety for themselves and healing for their abusers. I say “abuser” because this comes from Judith L Herman’s book, Truth and Repair, which is not about forced perpetration.

So you are allowed to move forward without knowing how they would feel. If you want, you can consider it a kindness to them to heal. To live a life that they can’t, and to make your life meaningful to you. You are what is left behind.

Moving On

Depending on your faith tradition, you may want to outwardly show penance of some kind. Not to suffer, but to demonstrate your care for this history. Some of us hold safe ceremonies for those that they hurt, offering things they know or think they might like and providing what closure we can for both whatever remains of them and ourselves.

It can be difficult if you had a bond with the dead or if you did not know or care for them. You might change your assumptions about what happened and your role in it based on that, which can effect your grief and guilt.

That’s important, I think; making your guilt into grief. I don’t know that the pain we feel will ever fully dissipate, but it does get lighter. There’s a peace you can find as you go.

As a Victim

Having seen both sides myself, I don’t hold the children who hurt us at all liable for what happened, even the few who got close to killing us and probably think they did.

Some were in the same boat as us, and even then we forgave them long before ourselves or each other. Others were being hurt in another context or simply weren’t receiving appropriate care.

They were so young. I think it’s only in the upper 20s that I might consider someone responsible, but I don’t feel that anger. I agree with that book, I want to be away from them and I want them to be better. I think I worry more about the children who hurt us than anything.

If I could reach them, I would want them to know how much they deserve to heal. I don’t think of them as bad or dirty or anything else, I just want them to please be okay. I wish it hadn’t happened, but I feel worse for however my pain was interpreted for them than anything they did to me.

I’m not going to ask for more context, but we might be more helpful if you are ever okay with sharing details. We are not qualified to be a therapist, but we can handle a vent if that’s something you need.

[dissociativedreadtheatre]

CW: Program Masterlist

As of recently, we have been working on creating a master list of all programs, including self coined terms! They have just been released and I wanted to show everyone here what is available within our server.

We have five categories, programs (typically programs that cause mental repercussions), physical programs (those that cause effects on the body), common scripts, epsilon and organisational programs.

We are unsure whether to release this information externally to our server, purely as we would like to moderate who has access to it just to make sure it doesn't end up in the wrong hands. However, I did want to ask what those who aren't in our servers preference is? We want people to have access to our resources, but again we are mindful.

There will eventually be a carrd created that has all organisational and epsilon programs, however that will still be a wait time due to the pure size of writing required. That carrd will likely be attached to our tumblr, depending on what peoples preference is!

If anyone has any questions relating to our masterlist, please let me know! We would love to help spread trustworthy information.

PLEASE NOTE: The following screenshots have programs explained in detail, do not read it if you are triggered by drug use, cults, abuse, torture and general RAMCOA mentions.

[stardvstcrvsaders]

I really hope you don't mind the ask- you made a post on FMS in February, and we recently learned we're a HC-DID system. we were wondering if you know how to tell if something is a memory or imagination? we have plenty of suspicions but no proof or even solid memories

hello!! i dont mind you asking at all! (i actually rlly appreciate it)

CW: as this is a post about HC-DID, there will be mentions of RAMCOA, but not in detail. back away from the post when necessary and tread with caution, but also keep in mind that the post doesnt go into any detail of any abuse

we have the same situation, we dont have much (if any) physical proof as to what went on in our past, we only have our memories

something that kinda helped us with figuring out is:

when its more of an imaginary thing, it will most likely only occur once, or if it occurs more than once, then the imaginary thought will most likely not be the same as it was before. there will usually be at least one or two differences within the imaginary thought, unlike an actual flashback

when it comes to flashbacks, the memory will be reoccurring and mostly consistent (though, the flashback doesnt always have to be 100% like the actual event that happened. it may only have a couple of altercations, but not many if there are any in the first place)

the flashback will most likely cause some sort of emotional and/or dissociative response out of you. since the memory is a flashback instead of imaginative thoughts. since you're thinking of highly complex DID, the flashback has a chance to cue some sort of programming. which is very terrifying, but as time goes on, you all will hopefully find some sort of management with the programming, rather that be a headmate that isnt programmed/isnt cued at the moment fronting with the cued alter, someone you trust watching over you while the programming is cued, etc, etc. its up to you and your system to figure out what helps best when it comes to situations like that

also to keep in mind:

the imaginary thoughts will most likely come up when you see some sort of post about RAMCOA-related trauma. your imagination will think of how the situation occurred, and thats okay. as systems, we all tend to have very wild imaginations. but, if the thought occurs many times and feels more and more vivid and real, then i think at that point, you can probably consider it a flashback, or something similar

thank you for the ask, and i hope you and your system are able to figure some stuff out soon :) just remember to tread lightly and to not rush anything. its very fascinating to learn, but remember that your mental health comes first and backing away from that sort of content is very much necessary

[tazticklez]

BYF (PLEASE READ)

My character lore is very complicated and I’ll generally be posting about one of the stories I’m most obsessed with (currently as of late it’s PureBlood), here are the TW’s and CW’s of what some of my art/posts will contain so be cautious:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-side note I have never personally gone through/have most of the things I write so even though it’s important to the story I want to preface if you’re a victim/have any of the aforementioned disabilities/mental disorders(/conditions/illnesses)/experiences and find the way I depict them to be harmful in any way, I am very open to criticism so please personally dm me and inform me of what I should fix. Or if you want to help me correctly write a character with said experience’s feel free to do so I’ll make sure to credit you (unless you say otherwise)

also keep in mind I find most of what I depict to be very serious and I wont be glorifying/romanticizing any of what I depict to be “cool” or “cute” and I also do not condone any of this irl, I’m also not a proshipper (to any NSFW acc’s or proshipper’s don’t follow me please)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IMPLIED/MENTIONED: s/a, rape (will never be explicitly shown), trafficking, animal death and torture, necrophelia, RAMCOA, religious trauma, war, incest, pedophelia, grooming, suicide/suicidal themes, self harm, abuse, eating disorders, demonization of mentally ill and disabled people, proshipping (mc is one, not me), crayons (this has its reason of being here), drugs/drug abuse, alcohol/alcohol abuse, medical trauma, murder, slavery, bright/flashing lights and colors, cults, body horror and sex jokes

I don’t care if you’re under 18, if you chose to follow after reading this that’s your choice and that’s on you, I only ask for you to handle these topics with respect and be mature about it and don’t make others uncomfortable please!

And I would love to grow a fanbase/community of course so hopefully you can be apart of that (only if you’d like)

|

Although what I write is technically intended for people 18+, this is in no way a green light for you to be weird towards me (as I am a minor) or make sexual remarks about me or post/send me nsfw fanart. I say do whatever you want with my oc’s, use them for whatever and have any headcanons you like.

If you're a proshipper/nsfw artist (or just whitewash characters) please don't post that shit anywhere I can see it. I can't exactly stop you but it would make me very uncomfortable

(Also if you’re wondering why a 14 year old is writing stuff like this, all I can say is that I am severely paranoid and I want to finish my work as fast as I can manage and unfortunately my anxiety and paranoia won’t let me wait 4 more years, lmao idk if I’ll even be alive by then :P)

if you still want to follow me but don’t want to see these things, I’ll make a second account and link it in my profile where I’ll still post art/oc content but for all ages @tazthecas

Thanks for reading :D have a nice day

[dissociativedreadtheatre]

CW: Mentions of Suicide

As September is Suicide Prevention Month, I would like to acknowledge the hardship that any trauma survivor has to go through, let alone RAMCOA survivors.

If you feel that you are alone in the world, I am here. If you feel that you are blinded, I can see you. If you feel silenced, I can hear you.

I would like to acknowledge all survivors who have lost their lives due to Suicide. I would like to acknowledge all of the survivors who have attempted or have thought about attempting. I would like to acknowledge all those who are currently trying their hardest, day in and day out, to just get through another day.

I am here, I can see you, I can hear you.

I want you to know that if you feel lost, confused, conflicted, alone, and that even if you feel like everything right now, is not okay, I want to promise you that everything will be okay. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but I know that there is a future where everything is okay. And right now, if it isn't okay, thats okay. It is okay to not be okay.

Be kind to others, its sounds simple, but it helps the world. Being kind and showing a tiny bit of compassionate to those around you, it means the world to them. Compliment them on the little things, ask about their day, tell them about something you enjoy, offer help when you can. But also remember, be kind to yourself. Compliment yourself on the little things, talk to others about your day, listen to someone else's ramble, ask for help when you need it.

You are not alone, I, a simple random stranger online am proud of you. I am here for you, I care for you, I want to remind you, you're not alone, and you matter.

RAMCOA Survivors, I am proud of you.

I understand that it feels awfully daunting knowing even a tiny bit about your trauma, and what you went through is horrible. Your story is seen, and heard. Survivors, your trauma is just as valid as any other form of trauma.

I created DDT for a reason, to let survivors have a space that is specifically for them. To allow them a place to speak about their experiences, and to make them feel less alone. I created it with the soul purpose of a community, a positive and safe community that allows people to understand their trauma in a healthy and safe way.

We want you to heal. We want you to feel safe. So please do not hesitate to reach out and ask for help. Our server is open, and so are our asks. Please do not hesitate to ask for help.

You are not alone.

[granulesofsand]

CW: attemptively non-detailed mentions of abuse, csa, animal death+torture, paraphilias (non contact) ABA, every classic categories of abuse, think thats it

[If this is not allowed ask my bad you can delete, I sincerely mean no harm] I apologizing if this is incoherent at all i am very brain disordered at the moment but this is the most clarity I have on things in awhile. We have been very certain on atleast C-DID levels of complexity for some time and it opened many doors and is all incredibly complicated, but have also been having issue of relating to HC-DID in ways that feel am not allowed because did not go thru a cult or outside sources (to our knowledge, only had small handful of time to process things and have high amnesia dissociation and other disorders)

we did go through some things, like here is things experience to my knowledge, have had so little time to process after life of amnesia + dissociation;

force exposure to gore & genuine satanism & satanic sacrifice & rituals, relatives torturing mutilating killing animals for sacrifice / pleasure (including pets especially meant for us) made to believe we were demon -- csa (only process rn thru somatic flashbacks etc) one of relatives was predator -- through ABA (or other organization) at young age, did inhumane things not hear of doing to others, it was maybe worse than we think, feel like it set us up for dissociative states -- beating, isolating, starving, threat of murder, strange punishments, we had adapt to be certain ways try not to be hurt and go into trance states (/or alter switch?) and inability to make noise or sob etc -- have alters who hold takeover reactions of hurt or mutulate self, of run back to them, of unalive, of do awful thing to animals like abusers had us do and did, struggle with several paraphilias and Aspd -- relatives seem to work together at times in things and use hurting us to get along or participate together -- think related to some TB/MC things for reasons I can no longer access memory to, know that they did make us go into states and be certain ways and dissociate and the organization was a part of this and or set us up for it likely -- have not just subsystem but experience layering and sidesystem aswell (many of the reactive alters are here the ones who can harm, but cannot reach them) some other innerworld structure type things

when I share too much / think on details things happen and i can't help it so I don't go in detail I hope this is okay, I try sometimes to dig and it can make some alters react in selfharm/unalive/harmful ways and i lose clarity. I don't know, I feel relation to some things of HC-DID and find help in there, but I know I cannot take space, I am just very confused and there is so little resource for some specific experiences -- I suppose I am unsure if I can even be in this space, do I have any reason other than relating and it helping us, only finding some relations in here and understandings ,_, lost; & too much

🗝️🏷️ mentioned above, RAMCOA

Before I start, I want to say that I am neither you nor your clinician, and my opinions are based only on the few paragraphs here. Whatever you conclude, that’s your process and you should hold the reigns.

RAMCOA

So. With what you’ve said, I can say that you are a RAMCOA survivor if you choose to identify as such. Below is anything else I thought possibly helpful.

Ritual Abuse doesn’t have to take place in organized groups. It doesn’t require a group at all. It’s a particular flavor of religious/belief-based trauma describing the use of symbolism as a centerpiece to the abuse.

Satanic imagery is particularly common in majority Christian areas, and can be used in an abuse dynamic as a true faith or as a method of normalizing extreme violence. Exposure to that qualifies you as a survivor of RA.

There was a time when RA was SRA, the S standing for Satanic, though it’s no longer used for all incidents of RA. Satanic Panic and Satanic Ritual Abuse are different, but not everyone knows that. I would not recommend straight Googling those terms, but there are both books and survivor spaces that will understand.

It also looks to me as though programming, or at least Mind Control may have taken place. Programming is what makes a system Highly Complex. All programming is MC, but not all MC is programming. HC-DID systems were intentionally split, structured, or controlled via cue-response or other heavy conditioning.

Abusers don’t have to know specific words or be affiliated with any group to create a programmed system. Organized Abuse can cooccur, referring to high control groups like cults and trafficking rings, but is not necessary for programming.

Mind Control

Mind Control is intentional, but it doesn’t require the awareness of the current perpetrator. Sometimes called Manipulative Conditioning, it refers to a plethora of practices; for example

Generational groups can program members without any ill meaning because those inflicting the programming are in turn also programmed.

McDonald’s is using MC if they research color schemes for advertising with the intent of drawing in customers, but not if they choose it because they happened to like that same set of colors.

I would also say that MC is inherently abusive. It is a different thing to teach a child not to break a glass by reacting negatively and then repairing the bond than it is to knowingly use the same negative reaction to induce disordered eating. It’s a matter of control and agency which we are not currently capable of utilizing safely.

For those reasons, ABA is also MC. It aims to change behaviors with the intention of forcing conformity. It becomes Torture*-Based MC when pain is weaponized for this purpose, or Drug-Based MC when substances are present. (*I consider torture and trauma alike when purposefully applied.)

Programming

T/DBMC both include a deeper level of intention and coercion, and I would not correct someone who called these experiences programming. My own definition of programming leans into the specific outcome that pairs with the intention, and I cannot decide for another whether their experiences meet this standard.

Sidesystems in HC-DID refer to subgroups of alters placed away from other alters by programmers, often with a particular purpose. Some plurals use sidesystem as only a subgroup of alters away from other alters, which is therefore possible without programming.

Layers are not, to my knowledge, limited by any HC-DID definition. They appear with frequency in programmed systems because they can be used for organization, and because many experiences** common among RAMCOA survivors can create similar structuring (**repetition in MC or RA, need to separate large groups of alters, different innerworld settings that cannot be contained in one area).

I will include that having both of these, as well as surviving RA and MC, can be indicative of programming. Some HC-DID systems consider all polyfrag RAMCOA systems HC, others place more emphasis on programming than structure. Some insist upon both.

HC-DID

There is no label police that will revoke your license, only people who are sometimes mean. You are the one who decides whether or not to call your system HC, and you don’t have to explain your story for anyone but yourselves.

We believe that other alters do not owe information to even their own systemmates, but that bit is for y’all to decide.

Try not to push too hard for memories. Listen to others inside and work with each other where possible, as trust makes communication easier. It’s hard to work with trauma, especially of this variety, and I hope that you find community with whichever labels you use.