#unhealthy boundaries

[thepeacefulgarden]

[ntemid]

Healthy Boundaries.

Well be back. Two weeks ago, we had touched the subject of “Boundaries” on it’s surface in our class of psychology and had committed ourselves to be back later, with more on “Healthy Boundaries”. Today is the day we do just that.   Photo credit: Good Therapy SF   According to Dr. Jo Nash, “Healthy boundaries define what is appropriate behavior in our relationships – behavior that keeps both…

[circadianrhythmofthekiller]

hiii! humbly requesting marcie x bb shippy art, what you do with it is up to you! thank you!<3

day 31 - customer satisfaction

[kaelidascope]

You're A Hot Mess Chapter 3 is LIVE

**SHAKES DEPRESSED DOGGY BAG OF TREATS**

This time we get Yang pov 👀

[melblogsgfreethruptsd]

[lady-lilly-gray]

unfriendly reminder that a ship doesn't need to be *healthy* for you to ship it; nor does having some toxic elements make it the worst thing to ever exist in fiction

[dukeofthomas]

I need people to realize how horrible 'stalking/constant surveillance/breaking into each other's homes is how the Batfamily show love' is. Like i really need someone to just acknowledge how horrific saying this bullshit is.

Like even fics where they're shown as happy and healthy and with good ties, you've always got this thing where none of them have privacy or any boundaries with each other. Which is directly antithetical to actually having good relationships. And this invasion via hacking and stalking and breaking into homes is portrayed as a positive, good thing; it's just how they show love and care to each other, after all. But for some reason I just personally don't find stalking, lack of privacy or boundaries, and emotional manipulation funny, endearing, or healthy, and just end up disgusted at the attempt to sweep it all under the rug.

[whumpster-dumpster]

“I was just trying to protect you!”

“Who gave you the right?!”

[tennessoui]

me thinking about what couples counseling question i want to have them answer at the end of this chapter that shows their deeply fucked up relationship hehe

[thepeacefulgarden]

[cromulentreader]

It's not that Taryn and Madoc are not redeemable characters. I just never got the feeling they got redeemed through word and deed. I don't find being Jude's family redemptive enough.

[incesthemes]

it's a chicken-or-egg kind of conflict, built on unreasonable expectations and toxic desire.

sam and dean choose to be codependent in 1.22 devil's trap: they both make grandiose statements that communicate their devotion to each other. but then, between 2.02 everybody loves a clown and around 2.04 children shouldn't play with dead things, sam starts talking about honoring their dad and trying to do right by him. he's guilty that john died before they could actually have a good relationship; he's just started to forgive him for their upbringing, and now he's gone and the way he copes with that is by trying to follow in john's footsteps, as if to prove that he's fine now with the life he's given them.

but john just sold his soul for dean and told dean that he might have to kill his brother—dean has come to perceive john as an enemy. john is asking dean to do the impossible, and on top of that he's left dean without anyone to guide him and tell him how to act. and so dean has cast john out in favor of entering a codependent unit with sam. sam is now all dean has left, physically and emotionally, and sam just declared his devotion to dean in no uncertain terms, chose him definitively, and so sam is therefore agreeing to fill in all of the holes john left behind so that dean can feel whole again.

but here sam is "allying" himself with john.

and sam obviously isn't intentionally trying to hurt dean; he's having a normal response to death. but sam's loyalty to dean and john can't coexist in dean's eyes, and that means sam is reneging on his commitment to dean, even though sam absolutely did not do that. and so dean he keeps to himself and refuses to open up about the truth because he can't trust sam to side with him, afraid of rejection or admonishment (which he receives anyway across the beginning of season 2, reinforcing those fears). he's angry and he feels alone because sam "chose" john when dean needed him most.

and as a result, because sam is of course still trying to be codependent with dean, dean's refusal to open up and be honest with him is equally seen as a betrayal of their commitment. to sam, honoring john is not in conflict with being codependent with dean. yet for some reason, dean won't even talk to him. he expects complete and open honesty from dean with their new dynamic—secrets are no longer acceptable because they're supposed to be on the same page, always—and he's not getting it, and it hurts. all he can see is betrayal.

of course sam is going to mourn his father after he's worked so hard to forgive him. of course dean is going to get frustrated at having no one to share his grief and anger with. of course sam is going to be hurt by dean's rejection. of course they're going to be upset at each other's betrayal of a profound commitment. it's a lot of reasonable reactions to unreasonable expectations, irrational perceptions, and half-truths that distort and warp their realities into something toxic and unmanageable. it's all about those subtle moments which unknowingly communicate betrayal of an undernegotiated relationship, all amplified by the heightened tension of grief and loss.

and around and around it goes.

[horsetailcurlers2]

breaking news: i’m in my jaddison era. i GET that kate walsh wanted the show to end when it did and i love that they (for the most part) gave everyone reasonable endings. but ugghhh the wasted potential with how they cut jaddison short and squished the timeline of their relationship together.

[ladykailitha]

Hello,

I am probably being a mom about this (having been described as a mother hen even before I had my own kids), but I have a very different take to the two most recent gifs of Joseph Quinn I've been seeing today.

Both of them were at a film festival where he is very dapperly dressed in that cream suit with the black button down. I can't find the gifs right now, so you're going to have to hope I describe them well enough (writer power activate!)

The first one is of him standing with another man, older and taller than Joe. The man puts his arm around his shoulder and Joe makes this funny hand sign, like he was trying to do the horns and the peace sign at the same time and then just ends up awkwardly waving.

And everyone is going on about how cute and goofy that little wave was. But I think people missed the part where as soon as the other guy puts his arm around Joe, his arm holding his jacket immediately goes up and knocks the other guy off. Then you can see him go "oh shit" and he turns it into the awkward wave.

And for me it's that little "don't touch" move that makes the wave a little less cute and little bit more, "poor Joe!" Because he shouldn't have to turn him setting his boundaries into an awkward wave as to not get in trouble.

And the second one. Joe is talking to someone else but it doesn't seem like the person is a guest (the guy is wearing a t-shirt and shorts). He's got something in a wine glass that he is holding both casually and stiffly. And he appears to be upset and he's saying something like "that's just how I am" or something like that. Which I originally thought he was saying "that's not how I am" but the second word looks more "just" and the third looks more like "how" the more I'm watching it.

First off I don't like how the shot is framed. It looks like someone filmed it from angle where Joe didn't know they were filming him. Well, same for the other gif, too. Because in both he's not looking at the camera filming him. I get at events like this people are going to be filming all over the place, but these two both seem to have caught something they shouldn't have.

In the second one's case he looks like he's having an argument or something.

Now here's where I get really uncomfortable, because if this is after the awkward wave, this could be him complaining that he didn't want to be touched like that and "that's just how I am". Because if that's the case whoever is doing the filming of these caught Joe in the act of having his boundaries violated, by violating further those boundaries.

I don't know. I could be reading too much into it. Projecting my own feeling on him. But it does look like that to me. And this isn't me saying "oh you can't find it cute!" because I'm not. I'm just saying he doesn't look comfortable and we should examine why.

And since this already too fucking long, I'm going throw in another Joseph Quinn problem I have.

How different he looks from Eddie Munson to his other roles or just in general. I can't find the article now (shakes fist), but Joe talked about how on Stranger Things he dropped 10 kilos or 22lbs to play Eddie so he looked younger and was more sinewy. That he fasted, gave up carbs and had one coffee a day to look the way he does in season 4.

Like actors shouldn't have to do that shit for roles. Isn't there a healthier way to do that? So when that one picture popped up today of Joe looking into the camera I saw someone tag (could have been @vecnuthy) that it looked edited in some way. But it was the most Eddie like I'd seen him look since the show dropped. And if it wasn't edited that means that he dropped those 20lbs again.

And of course I hope that means Eddie's back but even if it is or it's for another role, I hate how thin he looks in that picture (and I love his "slutty Eddie waist") means he's crash dieting and that makes me sad.

Sorry about this. Just...ignore me I guess. But I don't think we talk enough about how actors go through this shit as much as actresses do just in different ways.

[gingermintpepper]

On that trojan war au thing you're writing. 1. What are the tags for it, cause I'm super interested! And would love to read what you have so far! 2. "And Odysseus is a much grimmer darker man due to his home being one of the places that were first swallowed up by Erebus" - I wanna know more about this. Please tell me more.

Oh , wow, I'm so flattered! I'm very happy it sounds appealing to you <33 This work is a huge passion project of mine so I'm always glad to talk more and more about it, especially since there are many aspects occurring in the background (such as the alternate fates of the main players of the Trojan Conflict) which I cannot properly cover or even explain within the events of the novel itself.

That said: 1) If you mean tags as in ao3 - unfortunately, this work isn't on ao3 my friend :( As I said above, these are elements and concepts in the greek mythology based-fantasy novel I'm currently writing (the concept of which I outlined here in the introductory post of my novel concept!) As for wanting to read whatever writing I currently have available: I currently have three fics available on ao3 that are written in my Pursuing Daybreak verse!

The Prince and Princess series deal with a young Apollo and Artemis and the many consequences they face after Apollo has slain Python. The two works uploaded right now are Exeunt Phoebus Apollo which covers the murder trial of Python and Manent Apanchomene Artemis which covers the intense feelings of helplessness and alienation Artemis experiences after Apollo returns from his banishment and is completely changed. Both of these have themes of family, grief and relationship exploration at their heart.

The third bit of writing I have up is quite outdated but does cover the immediate aftermath of Hyacinthus' death. It's called A Petal Falleth and features Apollo making one of those Big Silly Decisions that have completely unintended but extremely important consequences: namely, instead of the larkspurs being made of Hyacinthus' spilt blood, Apollo anchors the boy's soul to the flowers so Thanatos wouldn't take him. Like the Dawn is also set in this world but because it is nsfw in nature, I wouldn't recommend it as easily as the other three bits of writing. If you don't mind the whole naked men thing though, I'd definitely suggest reading Like the Dawn for a better idea of what my current writing is like (along with eventually getting to see characters like Hector, Andromache and Cassandra/Helenus) Like the Dawn's themes are also different to the other three works with it focusing more on the power dynamics of a god/mortal relationship, exploring masculinity and masculine sexuality and self discovery.

The running theme here, of course, is that all of these bits of writing are centered on Apollo/Artemis or Hyacinth because my novel itself is centered around them. There are, of course, other important characters and figures like Eros, Psyche, Penthesilea and Iaso (one of Asclepius' daughters) but while there is the definite presence of characters from the Trojan War they most certainly aren't at the center of the novel (and the ones that are aren't the Greeks but rather the Trojans i.e Hector, Alexander, Andromache, Cassandra, Helenus, Aeneas, so on and so forth.)

2) The basis of the apocalypse in my work is cosmological! Due to Apollo's err-- untimely departure, there's no longer anyone maintaining the axis of the heavens or the navel of the earth. Because of this, Erebus - whose darkness is usually kept firmly in the spaces between the realms - begins to spill out into both the heavens and the earth. The beasts of Erebus (referring primarily to the Seven Curses - Old Age, Misery, Deceit, Violence etc etc) consume, torment and destroy whatever is inside of Erebus' darkness and Ithaca, as one of the islands on the far edge of the world, was one of the very first places that were devoured in this manner. Odysseus was visiting the Argives at the time for a festival and had left the pregnant Penelope at home since he didn't want her to suffer through the voyage in discomfort. He only finds out about the destruction of Ithaca after it had already been consumed when Athena personally interrupts a feast to warn both him and Diomedes. Needless to say, Odysseus, like everyone else, assumes that everyone on Ithaca has died and thusly is a very, very different man in terms of humour and comport. A part of him still stubbornly clings to the belief that Penelope managed to escape - that she was smart and resourceful enough to see the end approaching and do her best to escape - but that doesn't stop him from being dour for the majority of the time. Diomedes does his best to keep his spirits up in the meantime. Without him around, Odysseus is something of a black hole when it comes to the oppressiveness of his discontent though he does manage to lighten up when in the company of Helen, Clytemnestra and even Menelaus on occasion.

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]