#unsafe vent

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

[thwackk]

mayb i’ll post my boosters here too

[im-not-here-im-dead]

OLDER RELATIVES STOP TOUCHING ME AND CALLING ME PET NAMES CHALLENGE. IT’S NOT CUTE AND IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY. WOULD YOU DO THAT IF YOU KNEW I WAS A LEGAL ADULT? IF I WAS VISIBLY AGING? IF MY AUTISM DIDN’T MAKE ME ‘CHILDISH’? WHY DO YOU THINK IT’S OKAY TO JUST GO UP TO YOUR KID RELATIVES AND TOUCH THEM WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION? YOU DON’T DO THAT TO FELLOW ADULTS, SO WHY AM I AN EXCEPTION? STOP IT. AND WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, STOP ASSUMING THAT WE’RE AUTOMATICALLY BUDDIES JUST BECAUSE WE’RE RELATIVES. WE’VE MET TWICE WHEN I WAS LITTLE. I DON’T FUCKING KNOW YOU. AND EVEN IF I DID, THAT WOULD’NT GIVE YOU A PASS TO CALL ME ‘SWEETIE’ AND FUCKING STROKE MY HAIR WHEN I HAVE NOT TOLD YOU THAT IT WAS OKAY TO DO SO. I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING PET. STARS I HATE ADULTS SO DAMN MUCH SOMETIMES. I HATE HOW PRESUMPTUOUS THEY ARE. I HATE HOW COMFORTABLE THEY ARE WITH ENCROACHING ON MY PERSONAL SPACE. I HATE THAT THEY STILL DON’T CONSIDER ME THEIR EQUAL.

why am i still not. worthy of respect? why is respect the exception? and not the rule? why do i need to ask you to stop? can’t you just ask for my permission? how will you act if i say no?

[desertsandsnstarrysky]

I’m

So sick and tired of the harassment I am getting online, not just on here but IG as well.

Anything to do with Israel Chan, and it’s instant bullshit and getting attacked by antisemitic dicks.

I even got called a Nazi …

Like excuse me ?

You call me a Nazi, do you know realize what the fuck you just said?

I’m Jewish and you called me a Nazi? You lost every bit of credibility for anything you say.

Called me a Zionist and all that madness, and basically threw all them words around without educating themselves.

And guess what?

They are pro-Palestine.

(Go figure, because a lot of them lately been attacking the Jewish communities online and Jewish spaces. Not all are bad, but ones in Hetalia are absolutely borderline like hypocritical. How are you in Hetalia and then trying to only one side things and also attack my art… that’s some dumb shit right there, it’s all about history and yet you don’t even take the time to sit down and do research. You listen to word of mouth and TikTok and other random ass social media platforms and don’t even take the time to listen to what is all going on. Yeesh)

[henrysglock]

I see the way some users brush aside Stranger Things' depictions of autism/openly decry it as less important/impactful than other forms of representation (or just miss the representation entirely because it doesn't fit their narrow definition of what autism is "supposed" to look like), and frankly it's...Egh.

Watching people say there's zero substance in a show that has So Much Substance for autists like me, who are represented quite thoughtfully and meaningfully...but in ways that people love to brush off or straight up ignore is, well, less than fun and painfully reminiscent of how we're treated in real life. We can acknowledge that a show is majorly lacking in its nuance in multiple areas while not discrediting the substance that means so much to other groups. We can multitask.

And I'm not going to express the full extent of my grievances here and now because a) it's not the time, and b) I know I'll get called sensitive (just like Will is sensitive, and Henry is sensitive, and--oh) if I talk too much about it anyway.

So really this post here is all I want to say about it right now.

But just know that I see it, and that like a video game narrator might say: James will remember this.

[your-stranger-halfblood-things]

TW sh implied

______

Mike's too scared to go swimming when the rest of the Party invites him. He's scared of the others seeing his scars. He's scared that they'll judge him. He doesn't want to deal with that. Instead, he just dips his feet in and watches his friends swim

[cringelordofchaos]

(warning: a ton of swearing, EXTREME stupidity, inaccessibility to screen readers, a ton of ranting)

.

.

.

.

I'm fucking stupid (like. Extremely)

in other words what I'm trying to say is

I don't know math. Like. At all

And it's a genuine fucking problem

(unrelated but my phone keeps trying to autocorrect "fucking" to "rucking/ducking" and it's really pissing me off)

I don't know how to phrase this differently. When I say I am HORRIBLY HORRIBLE at math, and I don't know anything going from 4th grade onward I MEAN it. And it's a fucking problem

Like how do I say this. I stopped paying attention to any classes in school ever since fifth grade and so I never, ever paid attention to math. How I have still managed to move forward, that is unbeknownst to me. But I haven't learned a single goddamn thing in those years and I don't know anything. Older people have told me to just start paying attention to class and I'll somehow catch up but the thing is, looking at the board........ I don't know anything. There is no former knowledge to apply here.

And it's all kinda my fault? I mean it's not like I CHOSE to not pay attention to class? Not really? I don't think st least? Ddisomdidwd

But even then I COULD ask people to help me but I feel so genuinely ashamed....... Like. Guys

To give an example of how genuinely stupid I am

Take this for example. 8 + 7 . EXTREMELY EASY. most people instantly think "oh it's 15" because most people are smart enough

IIII, HIWEVER, think this way: "oh.... Eight... Plus seven... Well first I'll turn eight into ten so it's a bit easier so I'll just take the number two away from seven... Ok now it's ten... Then I uh... Seven minus two.. that's five... So ten plus five is fifteen!"

SEE

SEE HOW STUOID I AM

AjIJCUEISJCJDIDJDJDIEJJDIEOSKCMDE

I definitely don't have discalculia or dyscalculia or whatever it's spelled like, I am just extremely dumb and never practice math. Never

I never do my homework, never do anything at school, like I said I have no idea as to how I managed to pass

I don't know who to turn to, because I feel way to goddamn ashamed to open up about this

I'm pretty sure I can talk to my sister but I'm sure she isn't too interested in teaching my basic mathematics

There's the internet, I suppose? Which can help me

The only problem.

I'm way too lazy

I keep telling myself I'll do it, I'll study, and then I. Don't.

I have a math test tomorrow and I told myself and my PE teacher that I'll study, that I'll ask my sister for help

But I didn't. Nighttime is nearing and I'm not doing anything about it but I should be doing something about it

I'll do it or st least try doing it after making this post but I have no idea where to start.

How does one learn YEARS of math in one night.

Nohow.

Well, I have been able to recover 2 years of physics in 3 private classes? Probably because AHEM individualist teaching mechanisms hellomm??? This is why private teaching is so much better than the standard education system???

But

I guess it is fixable just

I just wanted to rant I guess lolz

[pariskim]

i move into college in julyish if my funds go through i cant give up yet

[shirogane-oushirou]

edit: i decided this would drive me nuts, but i still want to keep it in case there's something worth salvaging in the future. ignore all of this ^_^

for some reason i'm interested the idea of poke!ren beginning our friendship with that like... unintentional infantilization a lot of people do with disabled people when they're trying not to be actively ableist? not because i enjoy that LMAO ABSOLUTELY NOT -- and my pokesona is prideful as hell and would DESPISE it -- but i think it would make sense.

[cw casual ableism, infantilism of disabled ppl. also, disclaimer: i'm basing some of this loosely on my own health issues so it may not 100% apply to all disabled people. just want to keep that straight LMAO.]

most many doctors are SUPREMELY ableist, but doc!ren went into his field SPECIFICALLY to help disabled people and so focused on how best to treat each individual person according to their personalities and disabilities. sure, poke!ren's also technically both a clinical doc and researcher, but if doc!ren is like 80% clinical 20% research, poke!ren is like 10% clinical 90% research.

so poke!ren... doesn't have that knowledge. he does mostly field work and some lab work, with the rare "what do you think about this specific medical case?" appointment. he's the kind of person who hates the more vocal brands of ableism, but is consistently overbearing with his treatment of disabled people in a way that's inadvertently exhausting to deal with because "what happens if i tell him this is also ableist? will he have a fit? will he get angry or upset? will he decide disabled people are too picky if i'm not the Perfect Disabled Little Meow Meow?" so you just end up suffering through it.

therefore, he goes full "paper skin, glass bones," with me, very, "oh i can get that for you! no don't stand up, i can do that. can i cook something for you? no no no, i mean, i know you COULD, but wouldn't it be /easier/ for me to make it for you? you might hurt yourself!". 🙄

we have an evening outing in another city. it gets dark, we're not at the point where we're comfortable staying at his place together, he offers to maybe help me find a hotel, and i say "nope i've got this!" and fly away home on a Fucking Lugia.

and then he has to sit with that and realize some things.

like the fact that he has no idea who the fuck i am beyond surface level. after all, i've been carrying a legendary bird around in my back pocket and he didn't know until now, months after we first met.

like the fact that i can take care of SOME things by myself with the right "tools" or pkmn. i SOMETIMES need help, but i don't ALWAYS need help, and if i DO need help i have the option to tell him myself.

like the fact that he simply saw me as Disabled. as though i didn't have a life before or outside of Disability. i was simply the pitiable, lonely, disabled vn nerd he talks about games with.

and then he has to relearn Me from square one, and it makes our relationship so much stronger. we're able to work on our perfect balance together and build the trust that HE won't take things over for ME when I'M capable of something, and that I will let HIM know when i need HIM to do something I can't do. he has to trust that i'll let him be more doting on the days when i'm having flare-ups, but simultaneously has to respect when there are things i still want to do myself even on those worst days.

.........idk. this is a lot of words to say "god i want to be taken care of, but in a way where the other person sees me as an adult with a personality and decision-making ability and a life that's deeply AFFECTED by disability in many ways but isn't JUST disability." yk?

tbch, after writing it all out, this maaaay end up as canon..... OR it might remain a theoretical offshoot depending on how comfy i am when the Mental Movies (tm) of us finding that trust come together. poke!ren's supposed to be like. PURE escapism, so something like this honestly might hit too close to home to feel good fdhfghfg. like at least he'd end up learning that balance, which is nice... but everything leading up to it? 😬 Maybe A Bit Too Painful....

(damn. verbose king over here, wrote all of this TWICE just to say "i might throw it out" lKNMADKJFNKJDNF)

[bunnihearted]

yeah idk i just feel like im so lonely and i'll always be completely alone. i dont see the point in living if this is how my entire life's gonna be

[emperorsfoot]

gosh I wish my boss could've just emailed me that the security cameras showed the adhesive strips fell into my coffee by accident! why we gotta have a meeting about it unless the cameras do show someone putting them in my cup!? like, that's some cartoonishly evil shit! Friday is tomorrow yet it feels like a million years away. I gotta go into work and do my job like I'm not freaking out that one of my coworkers put something in my coffee!!

[brettdoesdiscourse]

Am I The Asshole annoys me so much sometimes because you will literally see a post that's like

AITA for punching someone? A guy from my work approached me and I decided to punch him in the face just because I felt like it.

And then you comment saying YTA (you're the asshole) for punching someone. And then Redditors will reply with shit like

"she could've felt afraid for her safety! Women should be able to defend themselves against creepy men!"

And it's like. Yes. They should. But that's not what was happening here.

[muutteq]

i don’t belong anywhere, home doesn’t even feel like home.

[the-npd-culture-is]

hey. not culture. but i feel grateful this blog exists, because even as a traumagenic + disordered system, i only feel safe in explicitly endo safe spaces.

spaces that aren't endo safe have always excluded me, cuz my plurality looks a little too similar to those scary endos or whatever.

thank you :3

- 🐈‍⬛️🔪

aaaah thank you y'all are so kind, you're making emotional lmao ;-; <3/pos lh

[coyotebrained]

You have to think things will get better, otherwise what is the point!!! You have to hold out hope that things will get better and then maybe one day things will feel safe and be cool and everything will be fine (at least as fine as it can be)

[sashasluggo]

Bah