#I get why people do hard drugs now lmao

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

[slutdge]

think its fitting i relapsed on new years day lmao

[ioniansunsets]

Hi! Recently found you, and i LOVE your writing and ideas! Their very tasty, like high-quality chocolate &/or caramel!

I offer (potentially angsty) scenario(you don't have to do) with heartsteel kayn & Idol or k/da!Reader?

What if a stage malfunction happened during readers' (or kayns) show?? (Or a sabotage from a fan? Perhaps?)

(Bonus: & What if... reader or kayn got hurt?) Thank you if you choose to do this ask🩷 (Sorry ahhh-- this is my first time sending an ask)

✖ Heartsteel!Kayn x KDA!Reader Where Reader Gets Injured✖

✖ Word Count: 1.4k

✖ Tags: Established R/S, Mild Injury, Ends with Comfort, IDK if I'd even tag this as Angsty (maybe a tinge)

✖ A/N: I think its cute how Ahri, Akali, Evelyn and Kai’sa all technically can dash towards you with their actual in game skills LMFAO so cute...these girls would do anything to protect you. I think it’s very cute when a lover goes batshit insane with worry for you. Have mercy too, I’ve never been hospitalized, only visited people LMAO

Also thank you for asking this! I am so happy that you love my thoughts and words ><

✖ Wrote This Listening To: Drugs and Candy

----

There were always toxic fans. You knew that, and Kayn of course knew his fanbase were sometimes as batshit insane as him. But the past few weeks were great! Social media was abuzz with positive comments about you two, fans congratulated you at fanmeets praising how cute you looked with Kayn.

Everything pointed towards how the fanbase took the official announcement of you two dating well but of course, you know delusional, parasocial fans existed too.

What you don’t know, was how they got past security.

You don’t know how they sneaked past all the checks and stage tests.

Maybe it was on you, maybe you were training too hard and were too tired to notice.

Maybe the high of performing live on stage and all the bits and bops of things to do left it so you didn’t notice the creak of the bright lights above you. The lights in the same pink purple hues of Kayn’s hair. The last thing you remember was the crackle of lights, the screams of your fans, and all your band mates in a blur dashing towards you.

-

It was arguably just as bad for Kayn.

Sure he wasn’t there, he wasn’t injured, he wasn’t the target of the attack nor was he the one in the hospital but there was nothing worse than hearing that you were still out cold, uncertain of how hurt you actually were.

There was nothing worse really, seeing the clips circulating online of what happened being reposted by all sorts of accounts. The blood that flowed from you onto the stage, oh god he didn’t even know humans could bleed this much.

There was nothing worse than knowing that he was stuck on tour and couldn’t be by your side.

There was nothing worse than not being able to call you and check on you because according to Akali you were STILL in the ER right now, you’re still unconscious and the doctors have no updates. How! It has been at least 4 hours since your opening act. Since the incident.

There was nothing worse, than fighting with his bandmates and managers, begging to go back to be by your side, and only after Alune stood up for him saying how “ The Heartbeats would understand why Kayn was missing. Let him go or he would just sneak off at night and do it anyway.” That management allowed them to postpone their weekend show so he could book a midnight flight to you.

There was nothing worse, than sitting alone in the private airport lounge, checking socials for updates and finding out HIS fan was the one that was caught on CCTV being the perpetrator, the one that did this to you, the love of his life. They even wore a jacket with Rhaast’s icon sewn onto the back, almost mocking him. Sure you were the one physically hurt, but the way his emotions were all over the place, the way his heart refused to calm down, the way he haven’t felt so much like throwing up since he left his old band. He hated this.

Hands tightening around his already cracked phone, the only reason he hasn’t angrily thrown it against the wall was because Akali messaged him telling Kayn how you were stable now, you lived fine, you were still sleeping but you were out of surgery at least. He swallows hard, quickly picking up his small luggage as he runs over to the gate to board his plane. Kayn breathes heavy, only thoughts about being by your side when you wake up keep him walking and keep the absolute rage and chaos Rhaast has at bay. The flight couldn’t be any longer to him.

-

He ran, the second the Taxi dropped him off at the hospital he phased through walls and booked it straight up to your room, leaving Akali to sigh as she signs him in. The way his hands shook as he slowly opened the door to your ward. Feeling like it was somehow rude to phase through this one way although one, you were still unconscious and two he already violated the privacy of half the hospital.

“ My little demon…This is all my fault.”

Kayn slowly walked to your side after he steps in, watching and noting how you had your eye patched up, how bandages trailed down your body, how pale your skin was. He was going to throw up again, seeing you this way. Ahri who was in the room watching over you let him know you could still see of course, and nothing plastic surgery can’t fix about the scars. You would be fine after a week or two of rest. The shards of glass from the strobe lights missed all the important bits, only scratching up your brow, cheek and collar. Ahri offers Kayn a small sad smile before leaving to give him time with you. The other girls in K/DA has some cuts and bruises saving your from the falling light but otherwise were fine.

It was another hour of your steady breathing and the beeping of machines around him. To Kayn, it felt like hours. Inconsolable hours where his thoughts went wild. Rhaast kept at bay from trashing the place solely from how weak and shaky your breathing was. So when the beeping finally started to pick up Kayn was standing up, hand holding yours, calling out to you frantic and concerned as you slowly blinked and opened your eyes.

“ Oh my god you’re finally awake baby.”

You watched your boyfriend cry, silent tears falling as he spoke over and over about how he should have curated his audience more, warned them to not pull shit like this to you. Anger about how could his “obsessive fans” not know that hurting you would hurt him just as much. Frustration about not being in the audience this time to save you. Sorrow about seeing how much pain you were in right now because of him. Anger once again from Rhaast this time about how incompetent your security was for letting a mistake like this go unnoticed and finally…overwhelming relief that you were ultimately ok. It was new, seeing him so scared, so worried, no doubt all of these emotions were because of just how much Kayn loved you but still, you felt bad making him worry so much. Finally he updates you, telling you about what happened, how you would be ok, he would make sure of it.

“ I…I’m sorry you had to go through this because of me. If you want to leave me because of my fans I will totally understand.”

You watched his voice crack as his hand grasps yours tighter. Your lover’s brows furrowed as he thinks hard. Biting his lip so hard you could almost see it bleed.

“ No Kayn! I would never! It’s not your fault. None of it was your fault, my own crazy fans could have done this to me too y’know. Plus if I breakup with you, they totally won.”

You reply, throat a little dry from not speaking so long but you had to tell him. No way you’re letting some insane fan ruin your performance, your day and your relationship. You watch him finally smile a little as you speak, the corners of his lips barely curving, tears stopping at your frantic attempts to make sure he knows just how much you love him back. No way in hell or heaven would you give up what you have with him because of some lunatic. Especially after seeing just how much he loved you, flying here for you? Putting his work behind for You? How could you let this man go.

“ Hey, at least we can get matching eyepatches now?”

At your comment, he lets out an exasperated laugh.

" I’m sorry, I should be the one making you feel better not the other way around. Here.”

You watch as Kayn slips a finger under his eyepatch, pulling it off carefully before bending down to give your bandaged side a small kiss. Hands uncharacteristically gentle as they worked their way around your hair and all the gauze to put his eyepatch on you. Giving you another quick kiss on your lips before pulling away.

" Looking good darling."

" Only because you style me so well!"

Yeah, it will be ok, the two of you were motivated, hardworking idols, a setback like this meant nothing. As he smiles again at you, the signature cheeky, prideful smile you’ve come to love from him. Your heart flutters. Yeah, something like this won’t stop you from loving him.

[nightwolf14292]

Some of my Thoughts About Batman: The Animated Series as Someone Who Knows Very Little About Batman Lore (PART 1)

(This is just the first three episodes because it's late and I'm tired and I'd like to go to bed now lol)

•Bangin intro has me very hyped

•Police blimps

•"No one is taking a vigilante force onto my streets." Commissioner Gordon.. Wtf do you think Batman is-? Do you know who Batman is at this point in the series?

•Gotham citizens have a hard time telling the difference between an emo and an actual anthropomorphic bat despite the fact that they look nothing alike

•ALFRED IS HERE AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPY BECAUSE HE'S REALLY COOL •HE'S A SARCASTIC KING AND I LOVE HIM •We have the same sense of humor frfr

•Batman really likes using smoke bombs

•From reading the episode descriptions, and from watching this first episode, it seems like a lot of these villains are just drug addicts- •Drug addicts who really like bats, in this case

•The anthropomorphic bat was a doctor's fursona all along •There's a ridiculous amount of furries in Gotham

•They really like breaking windows. This is only the first episode and like.. Three windows have been broken already

•Christmas tree rockets

•ROBIN SPOTTED •WHICH ROBIN IS THIS •I KNOW THERE'S A LOT OF 'EM •Whichever Robin it is has sass, but I think all of them do •"Well ba-humbug to you too 😒" - Robin •THEY'RE WATCHING MOVIES AND EATING DINNER TOGETHER ON CHRISTMAS THIS IS A CUTE FAMILY MOMENT ASJSHAHSJAK •Unfortunately the Joker is here to mess that up tho T-T

•"Looks like I'll have to teach daddy some manners.." Uhhh, Joker..? 💀

•Look at this lovely father & son Christmas bonding, saving people and getting shot at with canons 💕

•I feel like the Joker having turrets shaped like him is really on brand somehow, despite knowing little to nothing about the Joker's said brand

•BETTY BOOP? •BETTY BOOP IS GOING TO MURDER US ALL

•Batman just has a freaking baseball bat 😭🖐 •"They don't call you Bat-man for nothing! 😀" - Robin

•According to the five minutes of research I just did, I think this Robin is Dick Grayson which is, according to the longer then five minutes of research I did last night, the OG (AKA the first) Robin.. So before Bruce's orphan addiction fully formed, I suppose?

•What did Bruce do to you, doctor guy- •This doctor is, like, really passive aggressive ;-; •Also kind of rude of him to just spout nonsense about Bruce's father and Bruce's father's death as if that wasn't an incredibly traumatizing experience for Bruce lmao •BRUCE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO BE DEPRESSED ABOUT IT BECAUSE SCARECROW IS HERE AND HE HAS A GUN- •The villains in this series are kinda obsessed with guns just as much as they're obsessed with drugs

•So Scarecrow takes the "Scare" part of his name literally and makes people hallucinate their fears? •Damn Bruce, dealing with some trauma right now?? 😭😭 I feel like a lot of characters with parent problems (whether those parents are dead or not) have visions and dreams of their parents being like "you suck lmao" to them

•Commissioner Gordon does, in fact know who Batman is right now, so wtf was he talking about earlier with the whole "no vigilantes" thing -_-

•yeah I'd probably call someone a lunatic if they kidnapped people and performed human experimentation too, scarecrow

•Guys I think Bruce needs to go to therapy (again? Has he already been before?) because he's having- like- a panic attack over this Scarecrow guy and his parents and all that.. •I mean my mans hands are SHAKING and his visions going all blurry •YEAH YOU TELL HIM ALFRED, GIVE HIM THOSE POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS AND FEED HIM SOUP ALL RIGHT

•Bruce literally can not catch a break in this episode he went from having panic attacks because of the fear toxin to just.. Getting beat up by random, also fear gassed people 😔

•They like blimps a lot

•Just broke another window

•Tiny plane that looks like it's made out of cardboard

•They also like explosions a lot

•Why's this Jonathan Crane guy so scared of bats •He also has elf ears lol

•Thomas and Martha Wayne? Bruce's parents names acquired

•(This version of)Bruce looks stupid in sunglasses

[rafecameronsmistress]

NO ESCAPE

description] Fem Reader x Rafe Cameron x Barry

[summary] After a rough breakup Rafe sends Barry out to find you at a party and what they have for you in store is a nightmare full of pleasure

[cw + tw] 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, abusive relationship, physical abuse, strong language, stalking, non con, alcohol use, drug use, gun use, life threatening, degrading talk, angst, fear, embarrassment, SMUT

[authors note] this one is VERY long and has VERY sensitive triggers, please read at your own risk

‼️ADULT CONTENT AHEAD‼️

Enjoy 🖤

________________________________

Text messages:

- Kie: hey are you coming to Sarah’s party tonight? it’s at the water, i can pick you up

- y/n: i dont know.. after everything that happened with Rafe im afraid he’ll show up and i don’t want to see him right now

- Kie: Sarah told me he wasn’t going because she invited pogues lmao

- y/n: i’ll think about it, i’ll call you in an hour or so

- Kie: kk <3

Rafe and i dated for a year before things got bad, we had our ups and downs but never did i expect him to put his hands on me in a violent way

Rafe hit me for the first time a month ago, he said he was sorry and that he just couldn’t handle the way things were going with his family and business

i gave him the benefit of the doubt because he has been under so much stress and sometimes i add to the problem

two days later he hit me again and split my lip open then screamed in my face because i got blood on his shirt

slowly his i love you’s turned into i hate you’s

it’s hard because i love him so much, he was the picture boyfriend, until he wasn’t

i hid the abuse, i didn’t want people to know, just incase he changed

my friends know we ended badly but they just assumed it’s because Rafe is an asshole, everybody knows he is

the first time he threatened to kill me was the day that i left, that was only a week ago

he held me down on the floor of his bedroom with one hand around my throat and the other holding his pistol to my temple “the next time you speak to me like that again i’m going to put a bullet in your fucking skull, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” his words spit on me like venom

a part of me misses him and that’s why i don’t want to see him tonight, i’ll cave and end up going home with him, i know i will, because i love him

i lay down in bed and close my eyes, i’ll make a decision in a little while

i fall asleep for a few hours and when i wake up i have another text from Kie

Kie: so Sarah and i decided you ARE coming because we need you!! she told me Rafe will not be there, the boys are coming too nothing bad is going to happen!! get dressed bitch i’ll pick you up at 7

i text JJ, John B, and Pope in a group chat

- me: hey all 3 of you are going to Sarah’s party tonight right?

- John B: yeah i’m here now helping her set up

- Pope: yes i’m picking Cleo up soon

- JJ: yep Kie called me and told me that you’re afraid Captain Douchebag will show up so obviously i will be there… and i would like to drink some alcohol…

- me: thanks boys, see you later <3

i let out a sigh of relief, at least those 3 will be able to handle Rafe if he shows up

i undress myself to take a shower and run my fingers over my yellow healing rib cage where Rafe had kicked me a couple weeks ago

tonight will be fun. tonight will be fun. tonight will be fun. i try to convince myself, i deserve to go out

after i shower i do my hair and makeup then get dressed

i throw on a short pink dress and my birkenstock sandals

7:03pm

text message

- Kie: i’m here

Kie is in my driveway playing music on full blast and dancing like a nut which makes me laugh, i’m always thankful for her trying to lift my spirits

We jam out in the car and get ourselves pumped for the party

When we get there i scan the entire lot for Rafes pickup or dirt bike, neither of which i see

“Relax y/n, he’s not coming” Kie says, she grabs my hand and holds it, we share a smile, hers excited, mine nervous

A giant bonfire glows in the middle of a heard of people

Loud music, beer, liquor, and over 100 people- kooks and pogues combined…

if Rafe isn’t coming, he at least has someone watching

i immediately grab a drink to loosen up so i can enjoy tonight, the first one goes down like water so i pour myself a second

“whoaaa slow down there killa, you’re drinking like me right now!” JJ laughs while nudging my arm “i’ll be right here all night, enjoy yourself, i got you” he says with the sweetest smile

i’m on my 3rd drink and 2nd shot, my cheeks feel rosy and i have the urge to move my hips “Sarah! come dance with me!” i demand while holding out my hand

“sorry babe, my girl needs me” she says to John B getting up from his lap, she grabs hold of my hand and we dance, solo cups in the air

the boys stay close by and enjoy watching us make a fool of our selves while they smoke a joint

my phone vibrates

text message:

- Rafe: don’t drink so much, you’ll get sick

tunnel vision. nausea. panic. swallow it, don’t let anybody know.

“i’ll be right back” i tell Sarah “i need to fill my cup”

“okay” she furrows her eyebrows “you okay?”

i give her a nod and the best smile i could

once i’m out of sight i run to Kie’s car, hopping in and locking the doors, i need to sit down, my heart is pounding out of my chest, i can hear the blood rushing in my ears

*knock knock* i jump out of my skin, i’m met face to face with Barry

“open the door sweetheart” he smiles flashing his gold teeth

this can’t be happening.

i go to grab my phone to call JJ. where is my it?

Barry waves my phone in front of my face taunting me. how the fuck did i drop it?

“open the door y/n, don’t make this difficult” he tugs on the handle “open it, i’m not playing witchu right now” i shake my head “country club wants you to come wit me, y’aint safe here without him” his eyes grow darker, i don’t budge

he gets on the phone, he’s calling Rafe “you either come out on your own or i call him and he pulls you out, your choice” i’m scared. i don’t want to make Rafe mad. but i don’t want to see him. i’m getting a headache.

i make the dumbest decision of my life. i open the door, my hands shaking 100mph.

“that’s it, let’s get you home” he says grabbing my hand hard

my face is burning up. my legs grow weak under me. i’m stone cold sober at this point.

we approach the truck, “Barry please“ i plead “i’m sorry mama, y’know him” he helps me into the passenger seat and buckles me in, “can i have my phone please, i need to tell my friends i went home” i cry “can’t letchu do that, what’s ya password, i’ll text ‘em for you” he says, i shake my head rejecting the offer

he starts the truck and we take off

his phone rings “yeah i got her, she was a good girl, she didn’t fight me” he smirks “we’ll be there soon”

i stay silent, Barry puts his hand on my thigh and i flinch at his touch “what’s wrong sweet thing, scared of a little love?” he laughs

we pull up to Tannyhill, Rafe is standing out front with a whiskey glass in his hand, he raises it and smiles at me

my stomach is in knots

i want to scream for help and run

the other half of me wants to jump into his arms and submit

Barry gets out of the truck and walks around opening my door “c’mon, get out” i jump down and fix my dress and fix a smile in attempt to hide my mixed feelings

“you look nice, who’d you get dressed up for?” Rafe asks “nobody” i reply, he laughs “sexy little thing isn’t she?” he asks Barry, “yessir” he grins

i want to crawl inside my own skin

Rafe grabs me by the arm “let’s get inside” he looks at Barry “you comin? you’re not gonna want to miss this”

he brings me to the couch and sits me down, “what to do with you?” he ponders finishing his drink

“Rafe i want to go home” i whimper

“and you know what i want? a girlfriend that doesn’t dress like a slut and go to parties without me” he seethes “since you wanna act like a slut, take your clothes off, i’ll treat you like a slut” his eyes filled with fury

“i’m not your girlfriend anymore” i whisper

“what was that?” he cocks his head to the side

“nothing” i say

i stand up and slowly pull my dress over my head, my knees becoming weak, leaving me exposed in just my panties in front of him and Barry

“lay down on the couch” he demands, i obey “now touch yourself”

“Rafe please i-“ there’s no use in begging, i bring one hand down to my pussy and run it up and down my panties, the thought of them watching begins to turn me on no matter how hard i try to reject the feeling

“she’s sweet” Barry says licking his lips

“wait til you taste her” Rafe says deviously

their words go straight to my heat, i rub my clit in circles arching my back, trying not to let out a sound

“come here” i say holding my hand out to Rafe, my pussy aching for him

“you’re gonna finish yourself off first” he smirks

Barry adjusts himself clearly growing hard, Rafe watches me like a hawk not missing a beat

i pick up the pace now craving dick inside of me, i throw my head back and whimper coming closer to an orgasm, the band in my belly snaps and my legs start convulsing, i ride out my orgasm and when i’m finished i beg to be fucked “come here- please”

Rafe looks at Barry “try her out” he says patting him on the back

the look of fear on my face. Rafe would never let someone else look at me nevermind fuck me.

“since you wanna act like a slut..” he says shrugging his shoulders, then topping off his whiskey

i become embarrassed, im attracted to Barry but being on display is not something im used to

Barry gets comfortable in the chair and pats his lap, he undoes his belt and slides his pants down to his knees, his hard on is enormous even through his boxers

i try to contain my arousal and walk toward him, looking at Rafe for approval, he nods

i lower myself to my knees and pull Barry’s erection from his boxers, it fills my entire hand

“i ain’t even gotta ask to get my dick sucked, you got this one trained man” he laughs

Rafe walks behind me and manspreads on the couch enjoying every second of this

i seal my mouth on Barry, bobbing my head up and down while working my tongue inside “shhhit” he groans, saliva begins dripping out the sides of my mouth

i go to work on his swollen cock, his moans encouraging me to get the job done “that’s it baby” he takes a sharp breath in

“get up and sit on him, facing me” Rafe commands from behind

i rise from the floor, turn around, push my panties to the floor and kick them off

i slowly seat myself on Barry’s length, i gasp taking all of him inside my cunt

his hands reaching in front of me to grab my breasts, he holds onto them and starts pumping into me from below

i try to hold myself up on the arms of the chair while i’m staring directly into Rafe’s lust filled eyes

“ohhmygod- yes- fuck me-” i moan in between breaths

“how does she feel?” Rafe growls not taking his eyes off of me “like a million bucks country club” Barry replies while slamming his hips into my ass repeatedly

“flip her onto the chair and fuck her brains out” Rafe instructs

Barry pulls me off his lap and flips me around, my chest pushed into the chair and my ass in the air he slams into me showing no mercy

i can’t control the sounds coming from my mouth, moaning, whimpering, and screaming at the way i’m being used

Barry pulls out of me and releases on my ass leaving my pussy dripping “you like that shit huh?” he says rubbing my slit from behind “taste her” Rafe says, Barry sticks his fingers in his mouth savoring the taste of me “just like candy” he tells Rafe

my torso still on the chair and my knees on the floor i lay there weak, trying to control my breathing

Barry gets dressed and pours himself a glass of liquor, sitting in the other chair

“c’mon we’re not done, get up” Rafe says, i try to stand but my legs are weak “i think you broke her” he laughs looking at Barry “sorry man, she’s got great pussy” he says

Rafe walks over to me and wraps his hand around my throat, lifting me to my feet, he sloppily kisses me and without warning plummets two fingers inside of me causing me to scream

“who’s pussy is this?” he asks pushing deeper inside of me, “it’s yours” i choke out, his hand still tight around my wind pipe,

“say it again” he growls

“it’s yours Rafe, i’m all yours” i plead

his hand slips into my hair and he guides me to the couch by my head using me like a rag doll

he throws me down on my stomach then pulls my hips into the air

“look at you, you’re a fuckin mess” he smacks my pussy causing me to cry out “you like that?” he smacks it again, i wince in a mixture of pain and pleasure

Rafe pulls me up by the back of my head “open your mouth” i open and he sticks his fingers inside, i suck his fingers just like i would suck his cock, Rafe loves having his fingers in my mouth “dirty fuckin slut” he says

he removes his fingers and forces them into my tender vagina, he works his hand slowly like he’s dissecting my insides, i move my hips back and forth trying to fuck his hand my pussy screaming to be pounded

“she just can’t get enough huh?” Barry says “i told you she was a good one” Rafe smiles

his slides his warm fingers out of me and spits on my cunt, i feel it drip down to my clit “please-“ i look back at him

Rafe pulls his shorts and boxers down exposing his delicious throbbing cock, he’s leaking precum

i brace myself

he taps the back of my pussy with his dick a few times before sliding it in, i feel myself become full of him “i gonna fuck you like i hate you” he whispers

guttural screams escape my lips as he sinks deeper into my swollen used hole, he feels so good

he pushes my face into the couch “shut the fuck up and take it”

i turn my head to the side to catch my breath and see Barry sipping on his liquor enjoying every moment, i hold eye contact with him while i cry out

Rafe picks up the pace, the sound of our skin smacking engulfs the entire room

it all becomes too much, the overstimulation is extreme, i reach back trying to push him away

“i ain’t done” he growls grabbing both my arms and pinning them behind my back “i’m gonna fuck MY pussy as long as i want”

i’m screaming at this point, i can feel him in my stomach, a new sensation arises in my pussy, stronger then an orgasm “Rafe i- i can’t-“ and then i feel a release and a gush of liquid between my legs

“squirting on me like a dirty whore” he smacks my ass hard, “i fucking love it”

“please- please-“ i sob begging him to stop, my body convulsing, eyes rolling in the back of my head

Rafe slams into once more before cumming inside me, he pulls out and places a gentle kiss on my ass

my body goes limp and i lay flat on the couch, he pulls my hips back up and holds them there, “stay up til you soak all of me in”

i lay there defeated, used, and bruised

Rafe wipes the sweat from his brows and puts his pants back on, he walks over to the table and pours himself another glass of whiskey, clinking cups with Barry

they sit across from my numb body and watch me recover

“you’re such a good girl” Rafe praises “you’re never getting rid of me”

[petrichormore]

(It’s time for a 4halo ramble and analysis into their current relationship! Everything that follows is about the characters, I’m not using the q! because I’m lazy. I also want to repeat that while I am a 4halo shipper this entire rant is me explaining why I don’t want them to get together right now or anywhere in the near future. I don’t really consider this 4halo neg but let me know if you want me to tag it as such - they have the chemistry and in a distant future I could see it - but the fluffy 4halo that everyone seems to be imagining right now? I can’t see it happening. Toxic 4halo is another story entirely though and not what this ramble is about)

Okay you have been warned (THIS IS LONG):

not saying I’m not a huge 4halo enjoyer because. I am. But I do hope they don’t actually “become canon” or get into a relationship for the foreseeable future. Because the only realistic way that will end is in a giant, heart-wrenching break-up after like. 2 weeks. And I don’t see the ship recovering from that I’m gonna be honest.

Look. They can barely communicate as they are right now, any kind of committed relationship between them would end in fire and brimstone - especially when you take into account the power imbalance that is already causing problems.

Forever has not apologized for jailing Bad, even though Bad has asked for it (a rare show of communication on his part) and he might not apologize ever because he thinks he’s in the right. Somehow Cellbit is the only one to have apologized despite being the one calling for Bad’s head the most during the actual furniture incident. Anyway, Bad knows Forever thinks he’s in the right. And Bad also knows Forever wielded his presidential power to keep him jailed - so if Forever’s not sorry and he believes he was right, what’s to stop him from doing it again - in Bad’s mind, that is. There are actually quite a few things keeping him from doing it again, chief among them being that he doesn’t want to lmao. But Bad wouldn’t know that, would he?

I just- The imprisonment hurt Bad’s trust in everyone so badly that he destroyed every waystone in his base - and he when he found out Pac had someone gotten in anyway, he destroyed the waystone again. I don’t think people understand how long he’s been contemplating doing that. I don’t think people understand how many times he’s decided against destroying his waystones. It takes a pretty big fuck up to get him to do that. It takes a fuck-up of pretty tremendous proportions. And he did that last bit with Pac extremely recently too, which means he hasn’t forgotten.

And that - the whole furniture fiasco - that’s not a misstep that will just smooth over if Bad and Forever just care about each other hard enough. They already care about each other deeply - it didn’t stop the conflict. It’s not something everyone can just sweep under the rug with the power of love and no actual communication. Or at least I hope it’s not. It shouldn’t be. Any relationship the two get into right now will be steeped in distrust and wariness on Bad’s part due to the amount of power Forever can choose to use against him at any moment. And even if Forever hadn’t imprisoned him, that would still probably be the case, albeit to a much lesser extent. But Forever did imprison him, so now Bad’s not only wary of Forever turning on him in a hypothetical sense - he has past experience with that exact scenario. He has reason to distrust. It’s not paranoia in this instance; it’s genuine, rational distrust, which is even harder to alleviate.

By the way, that’s not even taking into account that Bad now knows of the existence of a drug that can brainwash Forever into potentially abusing his power against his own will. Think about how scary we all thought the drug-induced marriage proposals were. Think about how much scarier it would’ve been if Bad and Forever had actually been dating at the time. I’m not going to get into the risus potion here, or what implications it has for Bad’s trust in Forever - or more accurately, the trust he has in Forever’s position of power - because that’s too fucking complicated for my silly brain right now and this is long enough.

So basically: how is a relationship between a president and an anarchist supposed to work? Is Bad supposed to shut up, abandon his core principles, and do whatever Forever wants? When he opposes/attempts to help Forever improve the voting system he’s not being ‘immature’ - he’s acting in perfect accordance with his own belief system. There are points where he does act antagonist in an immature manner but in those instances he is very obviously being dramatic on purpose (and Forever does it as well). Him thinking Forever’s voting system isn’t fair isn’t him being immature, it’s just him being politically opposed. And Forever - what about Forever? Is Forever supposed to throw away his entire presidency? Oh, Bad’s an anarchist so that means Forever has to give up everything he’s worked so hard to accomplish, all the plans he has, all the good he’s desperately trying to do despite the fact that the nature of his position is scaring his loved ones away? He’s supposed to let everyone boss him around? Just because his crush hates government? Really? See, none of these options sounds particularly healthy, but their friendship isn’t even healthy right now so I can’t see them somehow reaching a better alternative.

Idk if you couldn’t tell I don’t like it when people non-jokingly boil down Bad and Forever’s political arguments as something that’ll be solved if one of them gives in or apologizes. Because they won’t. Because neither of them is wrong. Forever was partially right when he told Bagi that nothing he does as president will ever satisfy Bad - Bad is an anarchist, the fact that a government has been forced on him in the first place is already a fundamental problem - and that’s not wrong of him! It’s a genuine difference in beliefs and neither of them is wrong! Bad is not somehow automatically wrong because he’s an anarchist, and Forever is not somehow automatically wrong because he’s the president. Grrr bark woof grr bark, etc… you get what I mean.

(TLDR; if 4halo becomes canon right now it’ll crash and burn instantly and kill everyone on board which I don’t want to happen. Therefore I don’t wish for it to be canon.)

[natalicss]

bad love ; eddie munson

eddie munson x fem!reader

summary: eddie and you broke up for a simple reason. eddie’s life-goals didn’t work out, but yours did. five years later, robin tells eddie that them & the others have been added to a guest list for a surprise show in indiana. now eddie has to decide if it was a mistake to go.

warnings: celebrity!reader , mentions of drugs, slightly toxic!eddie , angsty , this is my first fic so please work with me here i’m not good with warnings

word count: 2.4K

nat’s notes: the song that the reader sings about eddie is bad love by lita ford. listen to the full song & you’ll kinda see how she felt about eddie after their breakup HAHA. like i said this is my first fic on here so not only am i nervous but i am having a hard time laying this out LMAO. i know reader doesn’t do much BUT if we want a part two after the show where everyone goes to hang out with her after the show (& maybe we get to see why eddie & her broke up??) LET ME KNOW. nonetheless, enjoy!!

Eddie Munson had this big plan.

Get the hell out of Hawkins, move to California, and become a rock sensation. Groupies at every show. Drugs piling tour buses. Paparazzi, interviews, photoshoots, you name it, Eddie wanted it. He wanted to make music. To scream his lungs out into a microphone while thousands of people cheered him on below. He wanted to bask in stadium lights while girls cheered his name. He wanted to give a big fat middle finger to Hawkins and all the people in that shithole that ever doubted him.

But that was five years ago. That was when he still had a dream. An unrealistic one.

25 years old and Eddie Munson was no longer one to make big plans. He stayed in Hawkins, moving to another trailer only down the street from his uncle, and became a mechanic. Because apparently, fixing cars was all he was good at after Corroded Coffin fell to shit. Nobody else seemed to share his dream when college came around. Or girls, weddings, and kids. Everyone seemed to sink into their cozy and easy mediocre lives. Everyone seemed to be happy, or content at the least.

Eddie hated it.

He hated Hawkins. He hated the people in Hawkins. He hated how every time he went to the grocery store he’d bitterly see couples like Steve Harrington and his fiance going on their similar grocery trips. Or Nancy and Jonathan Byers, a small boy on the Byers’s hip while Nancy’s hand was on her growing stomach. Or even young Max Mayfield and Lucas Sinclair, who usually only stopped by to get snacks for the weekly movie night they had. He hated how when he met up with high school buddies they all talked about their successful lives. Dustin Henderson had a successful job and managed to bring Suzie to Hawkins. Mike Wheeler was in college, breezing through it. Gareth Emerson had a wife and now a baby on the way, despite only being in his early 20s. Eddie hated hearing how happy everyone was because he was miserable.

And that magazine on the table was a reminder.

A VOGUE rested on Steve Harrington’s coffee table. From his fiance, likely. On the cover, a girl with familiar features with colorful lipstick that complimented her skin tone. White lace collar peaks from the bottom of the photo. She was beautiful. Just as beautiful as she was five years ago. Her sparkling eyes that made his heart swoon, and her sultry look that made his pants tighten as if he imagined it in real-time.

Y/N L/N.

He remembered her perfectly. How could he not? The two of them were soulmates. At least he thought they were. They had a big plan. Get the hell out of Hawkins, move to California, and become the hottest couple in Hollywood. But Eddie didn’t get that far. No. But she did. She didn’t have a band holding her back. She didn’t have a trailer-park salary. She came from a good neighborhood and a half-decent family. Most importantly, she was sweet and charming. She swooned a big manager when she stayed in Nashville the summer after graduation. Shortly after, she was moving there to become a star. And a star she was. Her name decked in lights. Her face was on every magazine. Award shows, celebrity best friends. She made it. She had gotten the life she craved. The life Eddie craved.

And she left him in the dust.

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t like that. At all. But Eddie didn’t care. He hated how she seemingly left him behind when all he wanted was for her to stay. It was selfish. But once again, Eddie didn’t care.

“Is that Y/N?” Dustin audibly gasped as he reached for the magazine, pulling it to his face to inspect. “Holy shit! VOGUE!”

Max Mayfield snatched it from his hands. “She looks hot.” She stated bluntly.

Mike scoffed. “Y/N was always hot. Lucas had a huge crush on her when we were, like, twelve.” He bluntly replied.

“She smashed a demo-dog’s head in with a guitar! Hell yeah, I had a crush on her.”

Robin Buckley, who was on the couch with Eddie, ate from a bowl of popcorn. “I got a call from Y/N recently.” She hummed casually. Everyone, especially Eddie, snapped their heads in her direction.

Steve gawked at his best friend. “What? Why?” He sat in his armchair, leaning into the side as he tried to get closer to Robin.

“She’s having a surprise show, I guess. The five-year anniversary of her first album.” Robin explained as she waved her popcorn-filled hand. “She was making a guest list, and we all just happen to be on it.” Everyone in the room bursted into excited cheers. Dustin and Lucas high-fiving loudly while Mike and Will shared big smiles. Max looked back at the magazine with wide eyes, as if wondering if the girl she looked up to growing up was going to climb out of the glossy paper.

Eddie didn’t move. He looked at Robin with wide eyes and disheveled hair. His mind wasn’t there anymore. It was back to the last night he saw her. The glossy tears in her eyes. The hoarse tone of her voice. His rough shouts. The redness of his face from anger. The door slammed as she left to pursue the life she now has.

“When’s the show?” Nancy asked, unsure if she’d be able to make it when her baby would be due in a few weeks.

“Next weekend!” Robin gushed. “Y/N’s manager said they’d have everything sorted out. Nancy, you’ll be backstage with Jonathan while the rest of us are front-row barricades for the show. And then we’ll be able to see her right after the concert ends.” She rambled and talked fast, but seemingly everyone understood what she was saying. Eleven was bouncing in her spot excitedly. She hadn’t been to a concert before.

Steve looked over Robin’s shoulder, seeing Eddie’s worried gaze. He craned his neck, maneuvering himself in an uncomfortable manner to catch the Munson’s eyes. When he did, Eddie was brought back to planet earth. Blinking repeatedly, Eddie looked at his close friend with raised brows. A silent what’s up?

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” He informed Eddie. This time, everyone’s eyes went to their metalhead friend. He shifted uncomfortably under their eyes. His skin felt hot and his stomach was churning. What was he feeling? Nerves? Anger? Jealousy? Heartbreak? All of the above?

Eddie gave an unconvincing smile. After all, everyone assumed they had ended things on good terms. He shook his head quickly. “Are you kidding me? I’ll never say no to a concert.” He chimed cockily, earning snickers from his friends as they began to excitedly chatter about their upcoming show. Eddie sunk into the couch slightly. What could go wrong?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It was a mistake coming here, Eddie thought. But it was too late now.

Here he was, crowded by hundreds of people that had heard of this supposedly last minute show in Indiana to celebrate the fifth anniversary of her first album, titled Most Wanted. The irony, Eddie thought. He recalled when Hawkins had believed that not only he had killed Chrissy Cunningham, but that Y/N L/N had helped him after Jason Carver had gotten his ass kicked by her. She had been on the run from the police for two days before the others found her again.

Eddie hadn’t listened to much of the album. He heard the single that had come out, which was basically a female rock anthem that Max and Eleven loved. It was a good one, but Eddie knew that. He had been there when she wrote it.

Somehow, Eddie hadn’t really thought about what would happen when he saw Y/N in person for the first time in five years. He had seen magazine photos of her. Just two days ago, there was a paparazzi shot of her in New York City. She was wearing light-washed jeans, a faded T-shirt, a large leather trench coat, black boots, and dark cat-eye sunglasses. She looked like a star, even in photos as simple as that.

So when the lights shined and she was suddenly ten feet away, Eddie forgot how to breathe.

She was wearing leather pants and boots. A white tank top she had cut the end off to make it her preferred length. Her makeup was dark and glamorous, and her hair was styled perfectly. She looked ethereal. She basked in the warm stage lights and it was light whatever higher power there was knew exactly how special she was. Eddie wasn’t much of a religious man, but he thanked god that there was a girl as beautiful as her.

The first note of the opening had sent the crowd into overdrive. It was the song Eddie knew. Max and Eleven screamed excitedly, bouncing up and down as they began to scream the words. Her voice. God, her voice was everything to him. Something that used to send him to sleep while he rested his head on her chest. Of course, in those times it was softer. This was strong. Powerful. The world finally got to hear the powerhouse she was the way Eddie used to when they sang in his van. And every time she spoke he felt his heart break a little more. It was slightly different now. She maybe had a slight southern accent from living in Nashville for five years, but her tone was different now, too. She was bolder, louder, and more sure of herself. The insecure girl was completely gone.

He wasn’t even jealous anymore. He was just sad. Sad that his only memories of this girl he had been in love with for so long were nothing more than that. Memories. That he no longer got to hear her song ideas. Her sweet hums in the shower. He no longer got to see her tiredly roll out of bed and trip over her feet. He never got to see her dance the same way she was now but in his t-shirt. Eddie no longer got to wrap his arms around her. He no longer saw her beam up at him when he came to her doorstep with flowers.

What had gone wrong?

“I have one more song for the night.” She panted into the microphone as the crowd screamed. Seemingly over two hours had past before Eddie could even realize it. “Are you having fun?” Eddie flinched as Robin, Eleven, and Max screeched loudly while Steve, Mike, Dustin, Lucas, and Will all let out cheers and whoops. Her smile widened. Eddie could’ve sworn he didn’t remember her smile being that beautiful. “Okay, so I wrote this song a little bit after I moved to Nashville. I wrote it in a time where I was moving on from a chapter of my life.” I had broken up with my boyfriend and I was finally getting to a stage where I stopped blaming myself, is what she didn’t say. “And, well, this song is about that.” Everyone cheered. Eddie thought about the few songs he knew, but this one wasn’t coming to mind. “This is called Bad Love.”

As the guitar began, everyone cheered again. Eleven and Max began talking into Mike’s eyes, and Eddie couldn’t help but notice their eyes on him. Eddie looked back at the stage. For a moment he could’ve sworn her eyes were on him.

wake up now darling, i got a reason to believe this love ain't gonna last the night.

you've opened my eyes, now i'm a little bit wiser, a little bit colder.

Eddie felt his heart sink. He watched her singing. Her eyes screwed shut or looked out into the crowd. But never at him. She wouldn’t look at him. He knew what this song was about. He knew it as soon as the first words were said.

so stop what you're saying, it's more than i can take.

we've reached the end, there's no defense.

i had enough of this bad, bad, love.

Funny enough, Dustin was screaming the words to the song as if he personally related to it. It caused Lucas and Mike to stare at him questioningly, meanwhile, Will joined in with just as much enthusiasm. Steve was smiling like a proud brother, which was pretty accurate considering his and Y/N’s friendship.

don't fool yourself, i could never forgive you and i damn sure won't forget.

in heaven or hell, every tear that i’ve cried will come back to haunt you yet.

don't be surprised if one of these mornings bad luck comes knockin' at your door.

oh, no, you'll find out–

“hell hath no fury like this woman that you've scorned!” Dustin and Will screamed as they leaned into each other. Max, Eleven, and Robin doing something very similar.

Y/N was walking across the stage to the far corner, interacting with the people up front as she sang. She looked beautiful. Completely in her element. She walked back towards the center, lights basking in her beauty. This was what she was made to do, and Eddie could tell. She was meant to perform and put her life into music. Turn chapters of her life into songs. Even her and him.

stop, don't say it.

don't try to make me see.

we've reached the end, there's no defense.

Then she looked at him. The first time she had the entire concert. It was as if time froze and the two of them were the only people in the world. They were teenagers again. They were the same people that had screamed and fought and kissed and made up. They were in love again, and then they were slamming the door on their relationship. Eddie knew it then, but he knew it more now, that he was the one that slammed that door. He was jealous. He was bitter. And he had taken it out on the one person that cared. Because of that, she was standing on stage singing a song she wrote about him after she realized the same thing.

“i had enough of this bad, bad, love.”

[marveinator]

Afraid- Ellie Williams (3)

Afraid- Ellie Williams (Part 3)

part 1 -> part 2 –> part 4

Summary: You and Ellie stay a bit in the cabin, and decide to play a game of truth or dare. Things indeed turn out in a weird way...

A/N: WHEN I TELL YOU I FORGOT I WANTED TO POST TODAY LMAO... Ty guys sm for the support on the last parts, I love you all. I adore you so so much and the fact that people are reading this story is just insane to me. THE NEXT PART WILL BE SO GAY- be excited. It´s gonna get all sweaty and there is gonna be lots of tension... but first- get your popcorn ready for this one. ENJOY!

Chapter warnings: mention(s) of drug use, flirting, idk.... bye!

"You gotta stop looking at me like that babe, or we both won't get any sleep tonight-"

I was staring at her. What was this fucking weed doing to me? I was no longer myself anymore. Which also made my mood swings kick in... "We should get going," I suddenly said dryly. Ellie's facial expression turned from flirty to serious and-did I see that right-disappointed?

"It's too dark for that. That's what I told you." I swallowed. If we didn't leave now, I was sure I would be making a big mistake.

"Ellie, don't act like you've never ridden back in the dark before. There aren't that many zombies around here anyway, are there?" I knew the answer. My question was unnecessary. I asked it anyway, simply to escape this situation.

"What are you trying to run away from babe?" Ellie whispered as she slowly leaned in closer and took another drag from the cigarette. I felt like my heart was going to stop. Those damn green eyes. I could get lost in them.

There must be a way time would pass faster then... I frowned and tried not to stare directly at Ellie. Running away now, I realized, was definitely a stupid idea-unless I wanted to die today. I again felt the urge to do something very stupid, the high not helping.

"Babe look, I know the sight of me is irresistible, but I'd still like an answer to my question. Unless you want to solve this whole situation some other way-" she said as she leaned in even closer. "I-" was all I could get out, this girl… where did all my hatred towards her go? I was probably red as a tomato and realized how I was nervously playing with my fingers. Suddenly it was hot. Very hot. Too hot-

"Okay- this is your fault. Truth or dare."

What? Was she serious? Or more like- crazy? Where did she get the stupid idea to play such a childish game? But however, the temptation to play it was there and it was huge, so I just nodded silently, immediately regretting it.

"Alright, I'll start…. Truth or dare?" asked the brunette in front of me, still holding the now very small cigarette in her hand. "Truth," I replied, hoping it would be an innocuous question. Ellie rolled her eyes playfully and shook her head. "Boring, but alright. Who was your first kiss?" Great. I could have guessed the questions would go in that direction. "None of your business," I said simply. And I was right. Why did she want to know such things anyway?

"Oh babe, you're really giving me a hard time right now," Ellie muttered as she finally flicked the burnt cigarette from her fingers, only to turn her gaze back to me. "Those are the rules. You have to tell me the truth. Now don't be such a chicken."

A chicken? I'd show her that I definitely wasn´t a chicken. "Fine. Liam. But only because I've never really had contact with anyone else." Wow- I couldn't believe I just said that… I was talking to Liam's killer about him, was I completely crazy? Yeah, but also high… whatever.

"Oh. Um- did you like it at least? So it was your only kiss too?" Even though the round was over and it was Ellie's turn now, I still answered her questions. "Well, I don't know, don't have anything to compare it to because yes, it was my first kiss and so far my only kiss. But now you- truth or dare?", I asked Ellie. She shook her head and contorted her face a bit, apparently surprised by my answer, before replying, "Dare. You know, ´cause I´m not a chicken." And there was that smirk on her lips that might make me want to jump onto her and-

"Mmm- interesting. I don't know- like, what am I supposed to say? Swap shirts with me?", I said with raised eyebrows. I really didn't know what I was saying anymore. At least this game kept me awake….

"Good one," Ellie said as she lifted her arms and pulled her sweater over her head. I couldn't help but stare at her. The tattoo on her arm, her hands, her accentuated belly- wow.

Ellie noticed my look and grinned again. How I hated it. "Your turn, pretty girl."

What- WHAT?! Did she just- without thinking any further about it I took off my shirt too and handed it to Ellie. She gave me her sweater and I pulled it over my head. I would have liked it better if we would have stayed like this- without clothes…

"Well now you again… Truth or dare," whispered the brunette across from me as she leaned down and put her hand on my knee. I felt my whole body start to tingle. I wanted her to put her hand away- or at least that was what my brain was telling me. My body, however, reacted quite differently.

"Dare," I couldn't take it anymore, something had to happen. The weed was doing things to me and Ellie was sitting in front of me with my shirt on and it felt like I was forgetting everything that had happened, what she had done, what was around us and what would happen the next day. I just wanted to- what did I want? I don't know. But I had the feeling Ellie knew exactly.

Ellie Williams POV "Dare" I heard her say, and immediately my heart started pounding. Sure, with truth you could ask intimate questions, but dare was something else again... Slowly, I moved my hand that was on her knee a little higher before looking deeper into her beautiful eyes. "Oh darling, you don't even know what you're doing to me right now…" Before I could lean in closer towards her to whisper what she needed to do, I heard an all too familiar sound in the distance. Clicker. Fuck.

your POV Did I just hear that right? Spellbound by Ellie's eyes, I shook my head to concentrate. "Is that- what I think it is?", I asked her in a shaky tone. The mood had changed in one fell swoop. Ellie stood up, dug in her backpack for her pistol, and loaded it. "From now on, you have to be quiet. No sound," the brunette ordered. "But Ellie-", I tried to argue, but the girl was quickly on her knees again and held her hand in front of my mouth. "You listen to what I say from now on. No arguing." And with those two sentences, I went quiet. Cautiously, I went to reach for my own gun, but Ellie shook her head. Was she trying to protect me now? Well, she did owe me a few things...

Ellie Williams POV She was known for one thing, she just couldn't stay calm. All the more I was surprised that she obeyed me. Probably only because she had not met the zombies that often yet and had a hellish fear. Normally she had patrol with someone else, in areas where there were really almost none.

Well, I thought there were none (anymore) in this area too, especially not in here, but I immediately realized that this was different, when suddenly I saw a clicker standing in the middle of the door. At least he was still away far enough, I had time to prepare for a fight. The bad thing was, I didn't know if there were more. This would mean that if I shot him, a whole herd would probably come running.

I looked down beside me to see her sitting there. Her hands were shaking and her face was pale, but she was still beautiful. Her hair fell in her face and brushed her eyelashes. She sat there, on the floor, so innocent- in my sweater. I could get used to seeing her in my clothes….

I was jolted out of my thoughts as the clicker kept coming in our direction. I raised my gun, trying not to make any noise as I got closer to him. Maybe I could pull the knife out of my pocket and stab him that way? But would this be so much quieter? I knew how these things could scream.

I turned around once more, and nodded to the girl sitting there so fearfully. I had to make a decision now. And so I decided to shoot. After two shots, the clicker was already dead on the ground, and stopped squealing.

"Get up, we have to get out of here," I said hastily. I grabbed my backpack and reached out a hand to help her up.

your POV Gratefully, I accepted Ellie's hand and clasped it to let her pull me up. I briefly felt a strange tingling sensation again, but it stopped when the brunette let go. "Grab your stuff, we don't have any time to waste. More of them could come in here at any time." I nodded and grabbed my bag and dark gray jacket, and we were already on our way out. It was snowing and definitely very cold. I wanted to hide my hands in my pockets, but I had to hold my gun. How smart of me to forget my gloves exactly today...

"Can you even fight?" Ellie asked. "Of course I can- why shouldn't I be able to fight?!", I replied indignantly. "I don't know," Ellie shook her head, "Never really seen you in action before." Great. Was I supposed to prove something to her or what? No. Was I trying to prove something to her? Hell yeah. "Alright. When we get back to Jackson, you and me. A duel. But at your house, I only have one room at Maria and Tommy's and there's definitely not enough room to fight" I suggested. Ellie grinned AGAIN and agreed with me. "Alright."

Slowly, we made our way to Shimmer and mounted up. From the looks of it, there were no clickers here anymore... luckily.

Now that we were both on the horse, we rode back. The whole way back we were both silent, but just before we got to Jackson's gate, I heard Ellie whisper a soft, "Please don't make her regret it," which I guess I wasn't supposed to hear. That's when it all came back to me.

We had almost kissed. We got high together and had played truth or dare. I was too tired to get worked up about it now, but I knew tomorrow-I would sink into shame.

[wakanai]

Happy Birthday to My Beloved Blorbo, Oda Sakunosuke! 🎉

AAAAAAA

he's so beautiful I can't-

(long post ahead)

this is the guy who

used to be an assassin at age 14

quit his job after reading a book and meeting its author (asagiri behavior btw - the 'left his job cause he wanted to write' part lol)

saw an injured dazai and brought him in his house (lit the equivalent of seeing a random injured criminal and knowingly bringing him into your house lol)

wrapped dazai in a blanket, trapped him in his house until he recovered safely

reacted to dazai's unhinged behavior and threats with an 'oh okay' attitude (unironically btw. he's really just like that TT)

was strong enough to be mistaken for a WHOLE organization

no one even had clues that it was him TT

made dazai embarrassed

“Of course, you would be wary of the switch. So, I had to distract you by conversation.”

“So, the games and the flow of conversation till now, were both according to your plan, you mean?”

“Hehe. Saying important things as a camouflage to get what you want. That is the basis of the negotiation technique.”

I ask as I organize the cards, “Which is camouflage of which?”

Dazai's expression turns blank for a second, as if he has been caught off guard. But it is only for a moment. He turns his head to the side to hide his expression and smiles. If I am not wrong, there is an embarrassed expression on his face. It is under the dark lighting of the bar, so I might have been mistaken though.

-- The Day I Picked Up Dazai (TDIPUD) (translation by @popopretty; you can find it in her tags i think)

^^ LOL. Oda 'I might have been mistaken' Sakunosuke (this is the guy who understood Dazai the most)

had a conversation with Shibusawa in Dead Apple and wasn't killed - in fact, Shibasawa even wanted to talk to him again if he had the chance (Oda TT he's got that 'I attract mentally unstable people and fix them' rizz lmao. Fyodor, take down notes).

did not expect Dazai to ask for a second meeting:

Dazai’s wounds have already crossed the most critical time. Just leave them like that and they will heal on their owns. My role here is over. So is our relationship.

Dazai nods and takes the cards from me. Then in a casual tone, he says those words.

“When are we meeting next?”

I stop what I am doing and look at Dazai.

-- TDIPUD

(Oda really said 'no' to attachment issues SAJDIAFJ. he's the kind of wonderful guy you meet once online and feel sad cause you can't find them again TT)

was the lowest ranking member in the mafia (and he slayed it too. did the jobs no one else wanted ugh)

despite the typical black-suit-shades look that low ranking mafiosos wore, Oda wore a BRIGHT COLORED, beige cream coat (do yall realize how much this must have made him stand out?? in a pool full of black - he stood out. Also the fact that mafiosos wear black so that blood isn't visible when it stains -- but Oda DECIDED TO STOP killing people hence why he didn't need to wear black. UgH such an icon ✨.)

survived the Dragon Heads Conflict (obviously 🙄)

adopted 5 orphans from that conflict

supported them financially, visited them on weekends, left them under the care of the curry-shop owner, connected w them!!!

managed a few shops for the mafia (reread Dark Era if you missed this detail; p. 94)

listener friend; listened to Dazai's antics and took them seriously (I bet he's the type who never forgets any minor detail their friend tells him)

joined in Dazai's chaos and hugged and tickled Ango (sibling behavior lol. Oda's just as chaotic - only difference is he does it with a straight face 😭 if Oda was in the ADA, Kunikida would grow white hair LOL. Imagine the chaos he and Dazai would bring TT - plus Dazai would be 10x happier. friendly reminder that Dazai gave Ango and Oda drugged food and when he offered to cook again, Oda's response was 'If it keeps you from getting tired, then it might be pretty useful before a hard day's work' like BRUH elfeofk.)

this isn't noticeable at first but despite always seeing himself as less than Dazai cause of their rank, Oda literally called Dazai by his name in front of the other mafia members (and no - he didn't even consciously think about it 😭). Imagine being a random mafioso and suddenly you see the lowest ranking member call an executive informally. like??? Oda's co-workers would call Dazai 'Dazai-san' while Oda be out there speaking casually like 'hey dude.' It's funny cause Oda is dense so he prob didn't even think of 'Office Codes' (yk the typical social rules where if ur friends w ur boss u call them formally at work? yea. Oda does not care LOL.)

He has good intuition

[Then I looked myself in my room and cycled through my thoughts [...] I listened only to my heartbeat as I observed the emotions bubbling up from within me like foam. I had a feeling something would happen[...]it was the small tinge everyone gets before something's about to happen. But realistically, there was virtually nothing I could do about it until it actually occurred and slapped me in the face. The world isn't kind. You have to be tough.] << relatable.

He sassed Mori HELP 😂😭

"At any rate, you just got here. You did not see a thing. Understand?"

"Yes, sir." I nodded in agreement. [...] "I only just arrived. Thank you for taking a break from undressing a young girl and chasing her around the room for me. So what was it you needed me for?"

The boss pinched his brows together for a few moments to think before nodding as if he had made up his mind. -- The Dark Era

He can see into the future

this is honestly a cool ability with so much potential. I'm going to promote this post by @raaanpo because why not. it's cool. :)

Such a caring friend (he gave Ango the benefit of the doubt, was crushed at the betrayal, and the way he thinks about dazai i cant- TT)

I already knew what Dazai was trying to say and what his intentions were and yet I had no choice but to scrutinize his every word to find some sort of silver lining.

"Maybe Ango really was lying but he's an informant who deals with top-secret information on the Mafia. It's only natural he'd have a secret meeting or two. You can't blame him for that"

-- p.46, Dark Era (DE)

**

"Hey Dazai" [...] "Is there any possibility that someone framed Ango and is pulling the strings from behind the scenes?" -- p.61, DE

**

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ango turn his back to me before leaving with the Special Forces. [...] My tongue numb, I called out to Ango as he left, but even I didn't know what I was saying. An indescribable feeling of loneliness was the only thing filling my heart...as if I were floating at the end of the universe. Even that was swallowed by darkness. My consciousness faded to black. -- p.90, DE

**

"Dazai, stop" I begged in a hushed tone. [...]

"Dazai!" I screamed. I felt as though we were thousands of miles apart. [...]

"Sorry to shock you like that" (&lt;< dazai's the one speaking here btw) [...]

Had our ranks or relations been any different, I probably would have punched him right then. (note: this reminds me of when Fukuzawa slapped Ranpo TT) However, I am me and there was nothing I could do to him.

After returning my gun to its holster, I turned my back to Dazai and began walking away. With every step I took, I felt as if the ground were going to collapse, creating a bottomless hole that I would fall through for an eternity. Dazai's expression as he placed his finger on his forehead and approached the enemy-- that of a child about to burse into tears--remained burned into my eyes. -- chap 1, DE

^^ it's giving friend-who-knows-you're-depressed-but-waits-for-you-to-tell-them energy like 😭😭bruh Oda knew. he knew dazai was depressed but he didn't push him about it. he just listened to any of dazai's ramblings and was there for him. ugh. Oda TT

also oda and ango :")

Ango looked at us and continued, "If there ever comes a time when the Division and the Mafia no longer exist...if we're ever freed from the confines of our work...do you think we can drink here again like this?"

"Don't say any more, Ango" a voice said nearby. It was my voice. "Just don't." [...]

I figured that was probably the last time I would ever see him.

(I still maintain the belief that Oda only said this because he knew the tensions were high and Dazai literally just threatened to torture and kill Ango moments ago. That last line hurts, man.)

Insecure king

(despite being a powerful ex assassin and supporting 5 kids - my goodness does Oda have insecurity issues :") )

These are just some scenes of Oda not realizing what a king he is 😭

This was Dazai though; he was probably just talking out of his ass. A man in his twenties isn't going to be much of a balm for anyone's soul. -- p.17, DE

(help why does this sound so funny 😂)

I nodded. Dazai was always right and I was always doing the wrong thing. -- p.40, DE

"Maybe I should recruit them.." Dazai smirked while wiping his sweat. "I heard all about it, Odasaku. You're raising five kids, huh? And not only that, they're orphans from the Dragon Head's Conflict."

Even if I'd tried to hide it, Dazai would've been able to figure it out with just half a day's worth of research. -- p.56, DE

(says the guy who managed to hide the painting without anyone knowing. Ngl Dazai was kind of being a dick here TT).

Even if I took Ango's side there, nothing would change. (note: oda sweetie, you're starting to act like Dazai TT.) There was no way to break out of Dazai's trap around the bar's perimeter and the children would be killed if I betrayed the Mafia. --p.119, DE

^^ see what I'm talking about? tensions were high. it's not like Oda hated Ango. He just didn't want to escalate the situation. And plus, Oda's never been a false-hope type of guy. So when he rejected Ango's wish, it doesn't mean he hates him or doesn't want to be friends anymore. he's just protecting himself from getting his hopes up and being realistic. On another note, I think being in the Mafia def affected Oda negatively. He was much more confident in TDIPD. :(

Lost king

After getting into the car, I recklessly hightailed it to the office. I don't really remember much about what happened along the way; I might've driven down the three-lane highway in the wrong direction two or three times. -- chap 1, DE

If someone were to peer inside my mind at that moment, they would've witnessed something akin to a massive volcanic eruption. Countless question marks would have been blasting out of the crater, blanketing the sky in its entirety. And yet, the only visible reaction I had was a twitch of a finger. -- p.18, DE

I ended up standing in front of the son and introducing myself. As “the person who killed your father.” There was no word that could describe how angry the son was. He had all the rights to be angry. [...] He was hitting me, throwing stuff at me, and attacking me with all sorts of insults. I could easily dodge all of his attacks, but there was no way to avoid the insults.

When he became exhausted from all the rampage and finally sat down, I explained to him about the killing. After that, he demanded a compensation. For his father’s life, and for the rental fee of that book I took without permission. -- TDIPD

(bruh. Oda's wildin 😭 pulled up at the front door and said 'yeah I killed your father' like DJFWEIJF. If Oda became an author, he would def be openly weird like the author of chainsaw man and he'd be the type to share life lore w his fans despite it being illegal😭:

'Oda! I'm a big fan! I have a question. Did you ever kill a person? Why is your writing so good at capturing that stuff?'

I'm willing to bet good money he would actually answer that question honestly.

RBF king

I was sure I looked even grumpier than usual [...] I wasn't actually in a bad mood though. It was merely a problem of balance because my hands were full [...]. You'd need a little training to carry these with a smile. -- p.121, DE

('you'd need a little training to carry these with a smile.' << it's giving uncle vibes 😭)

Writer's block king

"Because there's only one story I want to write, and it's in here." I tapped my temple. "Unfortunately, I don't have the necessary tools or skills to bring this story to life. I feel like a lost mountaineer standing before the tallest, most sacred mountain in the world with just a single, tiny ax" -- BEAST LN

(Oda stop being so relatable...)

Was a good mentor to Akutagawa in BEAST LN (lit trained him, was okay w his antics, and was willing to go against the Mafia for him. Dazai who? Akutagawa was WAY more stable with Oda as his mentor 😭)

"How are you earning enough to take care of them?" (<< Aku asking)

"That's a secret." Oda let out a faint, almost inaudible laugh.

**

What I needed to do now, however, was worry about the new recruit, since he was a hundred times more messed up in the head than me.

**

Dazai walked over with a faint, indecipherable smile. "I've been training Atsushi for four and a half years, yet you beat him. It's hard to believe..." (uhm duh. that's cause he was trained by Oda 🙄💅who doesn't abuse his students unlike y-)

**

"Akutagawa, it was actually Oda who obtained this video," said Tanizaki who was seated. "Even with Ranpo's Super Deduction and Oda's extraordinary skill, Flawless [...], it took them three whole days to sneak into the secret facility and steal the footage. That just shows you how extremely dangerous the mission was and how hard it was to get this information."

That was when it hit Akutagawa. He had just recently been asked to watch over the orphans for three days while Oda was out of town on business.

ugH. KING behavior 😩👑

He's read the Bible

"John 12:24. You're surprisingly well read, Sakunosuke." --p.144, DE

^^ imagine if he and Fyodor had a conversation. that would be p. interesting.

was kind to the curry shop owner (ill elaborate later cause im so sleepy rn)

--- and so much more. I actually have a whole fanfic in my head of Oda TT (and that Oda is a lot different from the one in canon but is based off of him. yeah...I like Oda if u couldn't alr tell.😭)

I urge yall to please read Dark Era and The Day I Picked Up Dazai. It captures his character way more than the anime.

To end this post, I want to give tribute to the IRL! Oda Sakunosuke cause that's who the bsd character is based from and Oct 26 is his actual birthday 😸

About the Real Oda:

List of some of his works:

Thank youu 🥳

I hope this post encourages more oda love lol. he's such a king. 💅

tagging @carbonateds-oda because I need someone to share my unhinged Oda thoughts too 😭😩

(feel free to ignore btw or lmk if it bothers u. i feel like ive been too interactive lately TT)

anywy, happy birthday odasaku! 🥳🥳👑

[deathbydarkelves]

why has no one asked about Ylrith yet??? please tell us more about Ylrith

:3c

In all fairness, I don’t post about her that much. Mostly because I’m not currently working on any stories that directly involve her so she’s not in my brain as much. I LOVE her, I’m just more focused on the characters I work with more often lol

But basically: poly lesbian mob boss with a snake obsession

She’s the head honcho of a centuries-old crime syndicate called The Gray Order. Ylrith (il-rith) herself usually goes by “The Gray Matron”, but her enemies have given her a plethora of other, similarly sinister names. By now, the Order has connections all across Azeroth, in most any faction worth a damn. The opening up of Kalimdor to the rest of the world was one of the best things to happen to her.

The Order specializes in smuggling drugs, weapons, and other illicit items, but Ylrith will ferry war refugees to safer lands too, and other such things. All she wants is money and more people under her thumb — if you have the money, or are willing to do a favor for her, she’ll help you do what it is you want done. Her trademark phrase isn’t “A favor for a favor, darling” for nothing. Of course, she’s a master of wordcraft, and often gets people to promise more than they think. She’s also got informants everywhere — brothels in the big cities, innkeepers, compromised city guards, and so on — and thus is master of blackmail. You go to her to discuss a deal, you say something she doesn’t like, and she’ll drop a detail about your life you thought no one else knew.

She also has an EXTENSIVE snake collection of species from all over Azeroth and even beyond. If we’re being realistic a lot of the money she makes goes into caring for them lmao she just really loves snakes <3 In fact I was leaning so hard into the snake thing I decided to just say she’s (the elf equivalent of) autistic because no neurotypical person could possibly be that into snakes KSBXBJD Which makes her my second autistic night elf, the first being Cathala 💜 Yet another win for lesbians.

The third key thing about her is the upper crust of the Order are all in a sapphic polycule. They use their powers of polyamory for evil (affectionate). Ylrith is also kind of(?) a “lesbian femme fatale type”. One of her favorite activities is fucking with the royalty of patriarchal cultures like humans by seducing the wives of powerful men and then helping them kill their husbands, the end result being Ylrith now has control over that piece of land at best, and that rich woman’s loyalty at worst. It’s enrichment for her.

Now for more art. This first one is her and her spymaster/favorite assassin/girlfriend Delphine Kaltel, a.k.a. The Serpent’s Fang. Originally Delphine had actually been hired to kill Ylrith but it was an enemies-to-lovers thing <3

This one’s her and her blue dragon girlfriend Tyalagosa, who’s sort of her “court” mage, I suppose:

(She has more gfs/people in the Order’s upper crust, those are just the only two I’ve named, designed, and drawn. One I have yet to draw is Evelyn Torvannas, another Nightborne. She’s the head of a fairly powerful merchant family in Suramar.]

One showing off her other tattoo:

And her voice claim :) (Morrigan from Dragon Age: Inquisition)

Plus this dumb meme that sums her up perfectly imo:

I also like to imagine she has the stupidest most cartoonish rivalry with Shaw lmao. She doesn’t see him as a threat whatsoever and loves toying with the funny little human man, while he fucking HATES her because she’s got her tendrils all up in the Alliance but always worms her way out of repercussions. WLW and MLM hostility.

[young-royals-confessions]

hi! me again lmao

"anon-- do u think simon is ur favourite bcos u relate to him the least and its almost a form of escapism?"

hmm thats rlly rlly hard. omar rudberg is stunning but im not gonna go there, i like simon for so many reasons that arent just the way he looks.

i still relate to simon, i think. just not in obvious ways. im also a poc- simon is comfortable in his latinamerican heritage bcos he speaks spanish at home and its emphasised by sara not speaking spanish. simon also has more of a 'not giving a fuck attitude' imo with people at hillerska and i dont rlly see him trying to fit in? (unless someone has evidence then pls do say).

i think i admire that a lot. im very iffy with my culture bcos of the environment ive grown up. ive grown to become quite shameless and i give less of a fuck now, but i used to be a rlly big people-pleaser lmao.

i know him and the drug situation is kinda iffy in the fandom (thats what it seems like) but i completely understand why he asks his dad for booze (i cant remember if people disliked the fact that he went to micke or that he made august deal drugs to get money, but im talking abt the micke situation here). im an elder sibling and i thought simon was also an elder sibling until sara's birthday in s2, and i was flabbergasted. so this IS something i can relate to.

i also love that he didnt want to be a a secret and told wille that. admittedly, in that situation, i can relate to wille so much more (im also the anon who was internally homophobic a long while ago and didnt watch YR for that reason, if anyone remembers me from a couple of months ago heh), and i think cos i can relate to willle more, it makes me respect simon so much for what he does? idk if that makes sense, but i love the self-worth he shows there, that he denies this growing love to put himself first.

simon has traits that i dont have (or im working on) and that makes me admire him.

also he's so talented and the way that the other boys are mean to him makes me want to cuddle him.

sorry, this turned out rather long. i could come up with more reasons (so maybe i'll return) but i need sleep.

.

[sewercentipede]

i suppose i've never injected anything before so i was trying to suggest a safer option without even knowing your situation. i overstepped and shouldn't have. i hope you have a nice day

ok tbh i had a feeling that might have been it. ik injecting drugs has huge stigma(cuz yeah it seems extreme, kinda scary and yes it can be dangerous) but a lot of the stigma is also it being seen as really desperate and unsafe and junkie trashy behavior- not implying that you thought that- but it results in ppl on here reacting badly to hearing when i do it & some people send really mean demeaning presumptive things in my askbox. knowing now ur motivation for sending that ask, i appreciate ur concern for my safety. u obviously didn’t know the context because I didn’t give much and i didn’t realize it sounded like I just found a random used needle on the floor or smth lmao. so I get it. thank you for your apology, I really appreciate it and your grace about it.

I do just wanna point out - for the sake of clearing up some of the stigma of IVing and to explain why I wouldn’t do lsd instead - that intravenous ketamine is incredibly safe if u know what ur doing (which luckily I really really do). ketamine is also regularly administered intravenously in clinical settings, particularly for anesthesia on children and animals, due to its safety over other anesthetics (doesn’t cause respiratory depression), and as a method of mental health treatment/therapy for certain mental illnesses.

for me personally after having done lsd many of times over the course of my life I’ve come to regard it as a hard drug and more dangerous than IVing ketamine (even tho ur just putting it in ur mouth), because serotonergic psychedelics have a tendency to exacerbate my mental health issues and every time I take a serotonergic psych I run the risk of traumatizing myself more often than not. whereas I find the opposite to be true with dissociatives like ketamine (for me personally!). intravenous ketamine specifically has the highest therapeutic effect on my Crohn’s disease symptoms and my mental health issues compared to the other routes of ketamine administration.

anyway- thanks again for being so courteous and explaining ur reasoning (which was reasonable). my apologies for busting your balls a lil there at first. i hope that you have nice day too 🤍

[thisismysecondrodeo]

School Daze pt. 4

AN: okay so there will also be a part 5 lmao but I think that will be the end!

Rating: Teen

Tags: Michelle Lasso, Henry Lasso, Second Chance Romance, Alternate Universe - College/University, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Time Skips, Ted and Beard have the purest friendship, Ted Lasso Deserves Love, Getting Together, Angst

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 5 | Fic Masterlist

-

Ted tried to sneak back into your room an hour later and he did an admirable job, but when he sat gently on the edge of the bed, you opened your arms to him and he fell into you with a chuckle. You stroked a hand along his bare back and he hummed. 

“How’s Beard?”

“Better when he left. I actually sent him to my place. Jane is…intense and it’s better if he can’t easily be found.” 

“That bad?” 

Ted tucked himself even closer, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. “Beard said she’s the closest thing he’s had to drugs since he quit ‘em.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go stay with him?” 

“Nah, I made sure he was okay. Well, as okay as he could be.” 

You smiled to yourself in the pitch-black room before pressing a kiss to Ted’s forehead, “We should probably go check on him tomorrow, don’t you think?” 

Ted sighed, a sound of contentment instead of exasperation. “Well, I won’t speak for him, but I think that might just work. Let’s get some sleep darlin’.” 

When you woke up Ted was across the room making coffee for both of you. “Ted, how are you functional right now,” you groaned, knowing he got even less sleep than you did. He made his way to your side of the bed, setting coffee on your nightstand. You sat up for the coffee, but what really woke you up was Ted in his boxers, his dress shirt on but still unbuttoned.

“Mornin’ handsome,” you flirted, pulling the sheets up to your chest and grabbing your coffee. Ted settled on top of the covers next to you with a chuckle. 

“Oh, you keep that up and we’re not makin’ it anywhere.” 

“Don’t foil my plans,” you whined, but you knew you weren’t going to make Ted choose between you and Beard. 

You and Ted spent the day with Beard, the three of you checking out a few landmarks none of you had managed to visit yet, and though you could tell he had a hard time accepting kindness he didn’t make a fuss. By the evening Beard was ready to be on his own again, and you and Ted insisted that Ted should continue staying with you and Beard could keep staying at his. Something about the joint decision-making, the way you fell so easily into Ted and Beard’s dynamic made everything feel more domestic and permanent. And that made you sad because nothing about this was permanent

Ted picked up on the change as soon as the two of you were alone, but he was hesitant about pressing. Sure, you weren’t Michelle—in a lot of ways—but he still didn’t want to ruin this new, fragile thing by forcing solutions to your apparent sadness. Instead, he matched your energy, sitting quietly on the couch, offering his hand instead of just touching you and when you had thought about how to express yourself, you opened up on your own. 

“I really like being here. And it's not just about you—though it is a lot about you. But I like Richmond. I like walking on the green and watching people watch soccer and befriending people in the neighborhood. And I just know it’s going to wreck me when I leave.” 

Ted nodded, bringing your hand up to his lips and kissing you sweetly. “Darlin’ it’s going to wreck me too. I’ve had more practice with it, what with Henry and all, but it doesn’t get easier to leave or to watch people go.” 

Ted wanted to offer you something. He wanted you to stay and his coaching job paid him enough that he could probably make that happen, but he didn’t know the first thing about citizenship. He knew he’d be crazy to offer to marry you and he didn’t even know if that would solve the problem. So instead he asked something that surprised you. 

“What did you do for work? Before you got laid off?” 

“Oh, uh, nonprofit events, why?” 

Ted looked at you, a cheeky glint in his eye. “You ever planned a gala?”   

Rebecca and Higgins jumped at the chance to get help running the nonprofit avenues of AFC Richmond, and, nepotism be damned, what was one more American on the payroll? You did still have to earn your spot though and the next week in Richmond was a whirlwind of interviewing, dating, vacationing, sex, and planning how to uproot your entire life to London. It was both convenient and a little depressing that there wasn’t much life to uproot, but you still had to go back and take care of the American side of things. 

Ted and you both shed tears in the airport without a hint of embarrassment. “I think I’m afraid you’re going to get on that plane and I’m gonna lose you again,” Ted whispered, holding you tightly against him as the intercom announced you’d be boarding shortly. 

“I hate to tell you that your fears are unfounded, but the fact that I’m looking at you right now means you didn’t really lose me the first time.” 

Ted pulled back with a teary smile, and you shared one last kiss before you got in line to board. 

22 Years Ago. 

On the last day of theater, you were working up the nerve to ask Ted to get coffee after class. Coffee was a light ask, in fact you’d already had coffee many times when rehearsing your Gone with the Wind scene. But this was coffee with no reason, no purpose, besides spending time with you—and you were sure he’d turn you down.

As the last group did their scene and the professor thanked you all for a great year, you talked yourself out of it and into it and out of it again, so by the time class ended you were ready to hustle out of the door. But Ted was there, waiting for you, his back against the wall across from the classroom door. 

“Ted,” you said with surprise, but you couldn’t hide your nervous smile. 

Ted looked a little nervous himself, adjusting and readjusting his hair and then drumming his fingers against his folders arms. “Y/N, glad I caught you. I know the semester’s over but I was hoping I could get your number? And we could maybe hang out again before you’re gone for the summer?” 

“I’d like that,” you grinned, “do you…have something to write on?” Neither of you had brought backpacks to class since it was the last day, but Ted quickly patted all of his pockets and came up with a single red pen and a smirk. 

“No paper, but my Dad always taught me to keep a pen on me.” Ted went to hand it to you and held out an arm, but you laughed and handed it back. 

“I’m not going to write on your skin! I’m sure there’s paper somewhere around here.”

“Fine, I’ll do it. Go on, hit me,” Ted held the red pen poised above his forearm and you gave in, reciting the number to your dorm along with your extension. You could tell his handwriting was large and loopy, but he held his arm up close to his face so you couldn’t see exactly what he wrote, had no idea he had written a 1 that looked suspiciously like a 7. He tucked his pen in his pocket and tapped his arm twice like he’d done a job well done. 

“Talk soon?” 

“Talk soon,” you agreed. You grinned the entire walk back to your dorm and nearly considered kicking your heels like you were in a cartoon. When you returned to the dorm, you allowed yourself a little jig, a private moment of joy. Then you noticed you had a missed call. 

It was your mom. And just like that, you forgot everything you were happy about. By that evening, you were back at home three hours away from campus, holding your mother’s hand in a chilly, unadorned hospital room. There were now more pressing things to attend to than tracking down the cute boy from theater to tell him you actually couldn’t hang. There was no doubt in your mind that you’d be back in the fall and you’d explain it all then and hopefully he’d understand. He seemed like he would. But when your mother didn’t get better, your whole life changed and Ted became nothing more than a pleasant memory that crept up on you from time to time.

<- Part 3 | Part 5->

[kusagrasskusa]

Fell! Sans X Sick! Reader - “Brompton Cocktail”

This is really different from what I normally write (nonstop Mortal Kombat X Readers lmao) but I wanted to do this because I love this song from Avenged Sevenfold. Obviously you don’t need to listen to it but if you’d like to, go ahead :) Just skip to 60 seconds in to figure out the exact point of the song I’m referencing.

TW: Death, sickness (cancer), drugs, and just a lot of sad shit

So, a brompton cocktail is a mixture of cocaine, morphine and antiemetics to reduce pain and induce euphoria that was used in the 1920s for cancer patients.

♡❀˖⁺. ༶⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶⋆˙⊹❀♡

Humans are made up of cells, and because of which, they are susceptible to diseases like heart disease, diabetes, and most important of all rights now, cancer.

Monsters are made up of magic and henceforth have never had to deal with diseases like such, and so whenever Y/N had been in experiences weight loss, bleeding, and fever, no one knew what it could be.

She began to feel cough up blood, losing weight even if she eats more, and being incapable of breathing. You can imagine how her fiancé felt whenever he could do nothing but watch from the sidelines at her suffering, being so pissed off that he can’t do anything. Why was his beloved Y/N’s chest hurting so badly? Why can’t she barely breathe? Why won’t she eat anymore? Why can’t he do anything to stop it?

They were supposed to spent the rest of their lives together! They were supposed to reach the surface and marry on top of this damned mountain, they were supposed to get a house near a lake far away from anyone else so he won’t ever have to feel close to anyone again. Overcrowding in the underground has always been a big problem so Y/N was gonna show him what it’s like on the countryside with pets, animals, and possibly kids if technology developed enough. So why?

Y/N coughed, wheezing and gasping for air in the bed she laid in. Sans flinched and squeezed her hand, though a little hard.

“Sans,” she weakly whispered, “you’re stressed again.”

Sans softly chuckled, the edge in his voice coming out along with hints of tiredness. He’s been so tired lately and it was killing Y/N more than her sickness was, it seemed like. “Nah, I’m just thinking,” he replied, releasing her hand and repositioning himself on his seat. Since Y/N’s sickness, Sans had cleaned up his room beyond imaginable- no clothes on the floor, no dishes or food spilled across, nothing. Just a bed and nightstand with a lamp on it, and a seat by the bed. Y/N had oxygen being brought into her lungs via breathing tubes supplied by Doctor Alphys, who even she was too scared to be a bitch about given the state of Sans and surprisingly, Papyrus.

Although Papy didn’t like Y/n at first and tried many times to kill her in her sleep, she eventually grew on the family. His excuse for not killing her was that she wasn’t THAT bad at puzzles and people like that should be preserved. And sometimes she was a little funny too- and who’s gonna complain about free cooking? Y/N would introduce foods from the surface that may not had ever been seen before by them… Like toasted raviolli or macaroni! Though he likes spaghetti more, he didn’t mind the other two forms of Italian cuisine.

Actually, Y/N’s sickness had brought out a side of Papy that no one had ever seen before. Whenever Y/N had gone to see Alphys, Papy found Sans crying in his room. Normally he would say something like, “suffer in silence,” but he couldn’t help but sit down by his brother and just… be there. He pat his brother’s back and just sat there until he stopped crying. When Y/N heard of it, the thought hit her- perhaps Sans would be losing her, but he’d gain something he never had before, huh?

Sans sighed, thinking of the memory. “Humans really did get what they deserved, heh heh,” he said in a joking manner, but he meant it. “Humans deserve this for trapping us here. Even if you ain’t all that bad… and you’re basically a monster, heh heh… You guys deserve it.” Y/N raised a brow, weakly smiling after a moment has passed. “By why you? I mean, you’re a fucking angel among us pieces of shit! Maybe we deserve to be trapped here, but you don’t.. You don’t deserve this fucking disease. You guys deserve to get sick and diseased as a fucking karma, but you never did anything to deserve it…”

Her face was gloomy despite her smile and her eyes glimmered as Sans’s head turned to see them. “Hon, you don’t deserve this either,” she weakly replied, “and… I think I know what this is. And I know…” she paused, tears pricking her eyes, “I know a way to make everything better.”

You can imagine the look on Sans’s face whenever he heard her talk. He stood up from his chair and leaned over her, holding her hand tightly to his chest. “What can make you feel better?” He asked in haste, desperation- he truly was so fucking desperate. His voice was so cracked and unhinged, she knew it would hurt so badly to say this.

Y/N pressed her lips into a straight line, thinking about her response. Sans waited patently; his fiancé had to take a deep breath before replying. “Humans can contract a disease called cancer. Our bodies are made up of cells, similar to atoms but… Well, they contain about a trillion atoms per cell haha.. But the cells die so quickly and are reformed, but sometimes.. The cells will mess up whenever they are being created. This is what causes cancer in simple terms haha…”

Sans listened close, trying to understand what she meant. Of course monsters don’t study human biology but he could imagine what she was trying to describe. “Cancer,” she began, “at this point… baby, I love you, but my time is up.”

“No!” Sans yelled, scrunching his face as he hitched out his breaths. But the sad reality was that she was right.

“Sans!” She yelled back, tearing beginning to fall. She coughed out blood from her yell, taking a few large gasps for air- raising her voice was something she couldn’t do anymore, let along yell. Sans shushed her, brushing his skeletal fingers through her hair. A few moments passed of her catching her breath passed before she cleared her throat, continuing, “look at me. I used to be loud at shit at Grillby’s haha… Have some motherfucker wanna mess with the quiet human in the corner, and she’ll have the entire town of Snowden hear about it. But I can’t go above a whisper, baby…” she looked down at the covers and her shirt, drenched in blood from throughout the month.

“Dear, I can’t go on another day like this. You know that… So please,” her last work cracked as tears forcibly poured from her eyes, “I can’t feel my face, baby. I won’t struggle on anymore… This world is so cold, so wrong. I’m not running away anymore from the inevitable, and this pain I’ve been fighting has been going on for too long. There’s a price to pay when living and I’ve been paying it for too long.” She began talking in rhyme, which may sound cliche, but generally it’s safe to assume that’s when people are at their sincerest.

“I lost my final fight to disease, and I wanna feel alive again,” she breathed out, looking deep into the sockets of her fiancé. “There was a common ritual back in the 20s… A Brompton Cocktail,” she shivered, her face turning paler moment to moment. As if his anxiety wasn’t bad enough already, Sans seethed.

“What is-,” he spoke, “what is that?”

Y/N looked so sorrowful in her fiancé’s eyes. “A blend of cocaine, morphine and antiemetics… a shot of them in my veins called induced euphoria.”

Drugs was her final solution. And considering many residents are addicted underground… It wasn’t hard to find. But chit, he felt as terrible as she did almost as he called up Grillby, asking him for the contents he needed and the pay. This was it, huh? He didn’t want to lose her. He didn’t want to lose her!

He didn’t want to lose her.

As Sans returned home with the contents needed, he went into the kitchen and passed Papyrus. “Sans, the fuck!” Boss yelled upon seeing them. “You’re resorting to drugs now you sad piece of shit?” Sans scowled and rolled his eyes.

“No, asshole. This isn’t… This isn’t mine,” he replied though unfocused as he messed with the ingredients. Papyrus would have furrowed his eyebrows if he could, then the sudden realization hit him.

“Y/N!” Boss yelled as he quickly made his way out of the kitchen and up the stairs, “what are you doing!” Sans sighed, freezing in his spot. He remembered the words his girl, HIS girl spoke, as she asked for these. This was really fucking it? He would going to lose his happiness to drugs?

“I have the right to die how I wanna,” Y/N told him, and was now repeating to Papyrus. “And I’m going to take my life tonight, and leave how I arrived… So alive,” her dead, empty eyes sparkled upon the last word of her sentence. Papyrus didn’t have it in him to show that he was hurt, but he did the way he knows how to.

“If you do this, you fuck… you idiot, you’re gonna piss of everyone here. We all respect you! And Sans loves you!” He yelled, clenching his fists. “NormalIy don’t care about him, but if I have to deal with his ass moping around all day,” he trailed off, uncharacteristic for someone like him. But he couldn’t hide how distraught he really felt. “If you do this, Y/N, you’d be the most selfish bitch in the underground.”

“I can die with that in mind,” she replied in a joking manner the way Sans normally does whenever he’s feeling bad. “Can you be there for him? Just for a little bit?”

The request stayed with Papyrus as he sat out in the living room, leaning forward with his arms on his knees. The question of “is this really it” just replayed again and again in their minds of the skeletons, especially Sans’ as he brought the needle in the bedroom. Y/N’s pale smile- the whitest he’d ever seen her, was haunting. She looked a lot like him.. She had dropped so much weight, her skull was poking through her skin and her ribs were visible. Her skeleton hands were so weak and her skin so pale it that it scared him. Was this still Y/N? He couldn’t tear reality from a nightmare and whenever he poked the needle into her arm, it all came crashing down on him.

Y/N gasped as the needle poked into her vein, making her tightly close her eyes and breath out weakly. “I love you, Sans. I wish things didn’t happen this way,” she sniffled, looking into her fiancé’s sockets. He had been frozen in spot there for a moment before Y/n spoke up, making him come to reality. “I wish it could be me who you’d marry, but I won’t ever make it out of this, baby. But whenever I’m in heaven or hell, I’ll see you and I’ll be watching you meet someone else.”

“Shut up,” he whispered almost inaudibly. Y/N started to cry. Tears poured from her eyes and her voice hitched in an almost hysterical cry, but the coughing and blood coming out of her lungs made it so difficult for her to say what she wanted.

“I’ll watch you meet another girl and,” she coughed, growing nauseous as she almost screamed in pain. “It won’t hurt as bad as this!”

“Stop baby,” Sans silently pleaded.

“And when you and her marry, know this is what I wanted.”

“Shut up!” Sans exclaimed as he pressed down on the needle, forcing the drugs out of it and into her veins. She gasped, crying out harder as it happened. But within moments, her head began to turn and her face went limp aside from her wide eyes. Sans just stood there and watched. Watched his hands shake as he pulled the needle out slowly, how his girl’s face and body reacted to the drugs, how she began to laugh and smile and cry as she bleed to death from her lungs. As her body took the overdose, he watched she went from behind happy to just…

Limp. She stopped moving and her eyes remained opened, her mouth a little gap, and her face paler then before. Sans just watched it all. He was so scared, he couldn’t have said anything loving before she went. He couldn’t even say I love you.

Hours passed before Papyrus knocked on the bedroom door. “Sans?” He called out, his voice low while doing his best to hide his real emotion. “Is everything okay?”

“Y-Yeah,” Sans replied as if he wasn’t focused on answering. Slowly Papyrus opened the door, seeing his brother sitting in his chair, just looking at the body of his diseased fiancé. She must have died hours ago since her body was slowly beginning to change as nature ran its course. Her soul was open for taking and this would be the last one needed to cross the barrier, wouldn’t it?

But Papyrus knew he couldn’t do it. Even he couldn’t betray his brother like that. Not now, not with this soul.

“I never thought,” Sans started, “that this… this is how it would all end. She’s so beautiful, even like this. That fucking Brompton Cocktail made her as happy as I had seen her in over a month. And I couldn’t have even said goodbye or tell her I loved her.”

[crackedpumpkin]

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

oh.

oh you BITCH.

i did not see this tbh you absolute fucker. Is this revenge for the innocent instrumental mix up because it is very effective.

✨️: Give yourself and your writing a compliment

Honestly though looking back from where I started and where I am now, I think I've improved loads as a writer and in general.

Tbh i started writing as an outlet for like my emotions, and it's like the safest bubble for my imagination lmao. when i was going thru some hard times writing was what helped me. And when I broke up with my ex, i processed thru it by writing this stupidly angsty oneshot thing that somehow people liked and followed me because of it?? ill never understand tumblr humans (hypocrite alert💀💀💀)

I can honestly say that i never expected to be where i am now with people that genuinely enjoy what i write, and its just such an euphoric rush every time i get reminded. im not a drug dealer by any means, but if other writers feel the same way i do when i get a comment or reblog i will gladly deal out lethal dosages of such ecstasy

for legal reasons this is only a half joke.

It makes me so happy and motivated to write even more, and now i have at least 5 different fics in the works already lmaooo :")

(Just a little side note tho; both the rise leo apocalypse au fic and miles morales fic will be released on the 1st of May okay byeeeee)

im honestly so grateful we started talking, and getting to know people like ginny, unknown, dork, sofa etc etc (its 2am and im tired ok this is why i should never answer things at 2am i cannot for the life of me remember names much less my own) has changed my life for the better.

Because I need an ego boost for myself rn, i like to think that i can be rather humourous at times, especially in some of my writing :) i still have such a long way to go before i can even scratch the surface of talented and amazing writers like @marwhoa @morning-sun-brah @afreakingdork @tmntxthings @hitechlatte and of course, you, you incredible, show-stopping stinker 💜

stay hydrated and safe or your ass is gonna shrivel and die faster than you can say TTLP.

[trans-axolotl]

hi! can i ask you to elaborate on the right to decline psych meds? asking as someone with severe bipolar that really negatively impacts my life but also as someone who does not want to take meds, both for personal and political reasons, and feels self conscious about that. i would love more perspectives on it tho if you have the time and energy! if not no worries of course, take care <3

hey anon! So i'm going to give like five disclaimers before getting into it because I have seen the way tumblr misinterprets my posts before lmao. I feel comfortable sharing my own experiences, but I am only one bipolar person and don't want people to generalize what I'm saying as applicable to what decisions they should make about their meds. there's a lot of factors that go into deciding to take or not take meds and I can't give advice like that over the internet. i'm also not an expert on psych meds and can't give medical advice.

with all of that out of the way, I want to talk a little bit about why I currently refuse to take meds. i fundamentally believe that everyone has the right to choose the way they want to experience the world, and always has the right to choose what we put in our bodies. for me, I see my bipolar as less of a transient state and more as a neurotype. experiencing life through cycles and in extremes is something that is meaningful to me. I don't love every aspect of being bipolar, but I can't imagine myself without it because it affects every part of the way I perceive and interact with the world. there's a lot of value that going through mood cycles brings to my life in the way that i understand the world and process events, and i like having times where I have endless energy and can be social and make big decisions and work on projects, and I like having times where I can feel emotions and be contemplative and feel in touch with sadness and be able to take a moment to slow down. there are also some things I fucking hate about bipolar, like the way I feel during a manic episode when I'm too restless and it's like there's bugs in my skin, psychosis making me fucking terrified in a way that's hard to cope with, reckless decisions interfering with relationships, or how sometimes when I'm in a depressive episode I can't get up out of bed, am so numb that I can't support people in my life, and get suicidal. but for me, my experience with bipolar is a lot more complex and I don't wish to experience life without bipolar. the way that most medications have interacted with me has taken away all the parts of myself that I recognize, and i have been made to feel like being bipolar was the "problem."

my experience with psych meds has mostly been in situations where I was forcibly drugged in the psych ward, which brought a hell of a lot of trauma with it. the main reason I don't take medication is because that experience traumatized me to the point where I now often have paranoid delusions about medication, so I can't consistently stay on daily medication. even though i often have insight and I am usually pretty aware of my delusions, they happen frequently enough that trying to get me to stay on meds for more than a couple weeks would be a losing battle, and I'm not interested in going through withdrawal symptoms every few weeks.

beyond that, I don't go on psych meds right now because the medications I have tried numbed me out and made me so low energy that I could barely function in my daily life or socialize or do anything that was important to me. it stabilized my moods, but left me feeling nothing instead. there were also some physical side effects that i really disliked, and altogether, that wasn't worth it for me. i wanted to be able to choose the way of experiencing the world that felt the most authentic and also the most manageable. for me, the tradeoff of having stable moods was not worth it for everything I lost from having access to my emotions and ability to experience those highs and lows. i have enough coping skills and enough of a support system that dealing with the shitty parts of bipolar without meds is a reality for me. and the way I see it, no matter who I am or what diagnosis I have or what meds I'm on, there are going to be shitty days, and it's okay if my shitty days are on a different scale and don't look like the shitty days of someone who doesn't have bipolar. i'm open to medication in the future, especially when i get to a stage in my life when I'm having kids, because I think my priorities around stability and mood cycles might change. but for now, i feel very comfortable not trying out medication and just experiencing my mood cycles the way they are.

i think that medications are very helpful for some people, but my perspective on psychiatry is that the decisions should always be in our hands to decide what our actual priorities are. psychiatry operates by saying that everyone with bipolar's goal must be having stable moods and no symptoms. there's a million different ways to be bipolar and experience our symptoms. some bipolar people might think that physical side effects are a perfectly fine trade off for not having to deal with manic episodes. some bipolar people might feel particularly strongly about wanting medication to help with their depressive episodes, but not care about the rest. some bipolar people might take meds as needed, but not long term. there's a million different ways that we can experience the same diagnosis, and i believe that treatment needs to have space for all of these experiences, and respect our autonomy in choosing what our individual priorities are. I think there also needs to be a lot more awareness and understanding about the actual efficacy of medications. medications are going to work differently for every individual, and there is not one magic medication regime that can be backed up with evidence to show that it actually always reduces symptoms. mad/mentally ill/ neurodivergent people deserve a lot more honesty from our providers about the parts of medication management that truly is trial and error, instead of being made to feel like we're a failure because medications don't provide instant freedom from all of our distress.

there are lots of reasons that people might not want to be on meds and I unequivocally support anyone's right to make their own decision about medication, regardless of their psych's opinions on it. whether people don't want to take meds because of trauma, because they don't trust doctors, because they don't like the physical side effects, because they don't like feeling numb, because they don't agree with the idea that certain symptoms are harmful, because they're tired of trying out new medications, because they don't want to take meds that prevent them from drinking alcohol, because they can't pay for them, because they won't regularly remember to take them, because they only want to be on some types of meds and not others, or for literally any reason, people always should have the final say on what goes into our body.

if other people want to add on their perspective on medication, please feel free! I am only one person and I don't think my way of thinking about medication is the only way, and that there is room for a lot of experiences. I'm also going to link the Harm reduction guide to psychiatric drugs, and strongly recommend that people don't make changes to their medication habits without educating yourself on the risks, your own personal vulnerabilities, and what steps you can take to make it safer.