#victims of physical and mental violence

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

suddenly got a really vivid image of my head of like a c!prime home movie sort of thing and like it starts off and it looks like just two brothers hanging out and c!tommy's just awkward around the camera but as it captures what’s clearly a long span of time c!tommy slowly gets covered in more and more injuries that never seem to heal and is clearly just playing along with whatever he thinks c!dream wants out of sheer terror and it slowly breaks down more and more over each clip, somehow becoming more and less genuine in the exact worst possible ways. by the end hes all but catatonic and blatantly very much a dead corpse only continuing because of magic with injuries it’d be impossible to survive otherwise and c!dream is still excitedly chatting to him like nothings wrong and beating his ass at mario kart.

[xtrablak674]

The Monsta

[Originally published in my zine Fashion Fag Magazine in April 1996 - edited for clarity]

I looked up wanting and waiting for the warm black hand of unconsciousness to rescue me. The long hot summer had taken on a new meaning as I wondered would I ever escape my bucked tooth, low hanging breast torturer.

"Don't you ever tell no one cuz I'll kill ya."

"Mommy! Momm-e! Mom!"

Up I woke, sweat drenched and trembling. Mom ran into our room her supple ass following behind her.

"What? Baby what!"

"Mom, I had a dream but it wasn't just a dream it really happened last summer."

"Tell me what happened baby, calm down, and tell me."

She took me in her arms and rocked me.

"I dreamed I was in New York with my father, and Pat, his girlfriend was there and she was mad at the jokes I played with him and she made Mooch beat me..."

"But how is she gonna know? We could do just like they did on Different Strokes when Arnold told Willis to beat the pillow and not him"

I laugh. The look in Mooch's eyes are that of a deer staring blankly into the oncoming headlites of a car.

"No... She'll know, she always knows."

"No she won't we'll tell you did it and it really hurt."

"No, she'll kill me!"

Mooch isn't much more then four years older then me and like her mother she isn't to brite. I remember how she had once told me that her she thought this guy had gotten her pregnant from kissing her.

I drop my pants and lay down on my stomach on the bed.

"Mooch, you don't have to do this."

I'm sorry."

There are tears in her eyes.

The pain shoots up my spine as she unfurls this 1/4 inch thick belt on my bared backside.

I scream. I could run but I didn't want Mooch to face the Wrath of Pat.

...she didn't want to do it, she was frightened of Pat and she had to.

Pat beat me in the head with her wooden soled shoe in the bathroom while my father slept in the next room...

"Why?"

I responded to her, telling me I was gonna get a beatin.

"Do you think that shit is funny, your farther is sick and you make jokes like that?"

"But he's my father, and he laughs."

"Damn you, shut up!"

I thought my head was caving in and I wished it would as she pounded this four inch, thick, wide wooden shoe into my head. I put my hands up to protect my exposed scalp. She just pounds harder. I cry out, and she hits even harder and says.

"Keep your motherfuckin mouth shut and yo bettah not cry, or you'll get more."

I look up at the window wishing I could escape like a pigeon flyin free. But the window stares back at me and begins to darken.

I didn't know she stopped, I find myself slumped over the bathtub, in her cramped and dirty bathroom, with the most fantastic headache.

"Get up, I said, get up! Do you want some more? Clean this shit up, and go to your room."

The tears in my eyes had dried up, I could only cry dry tears of blistering pain. I wipe the bits of blood up the best I could and stumble down the hallway and collapse in my bedroom.

Later that night, she creeps into my room, where I share a bed with Mooch, carrying a flashlight and a bag of ice. She shines the lite into my face and stares at me through those thick wide glasses of hers and says.

"Don't you ever tell no one cuz I'll kill ya"

I put the ice on my aching head, the ice melts and mixes with my tears as they fall down my face. I wonder shall I ever escape.

...and she would always pinch me until I bled because I would't sit still on the bed while watching T.V.

"Where was your father when she did this to you?"

"He was either sleep or not there. See feel the lump its still there."

"Why didn't you tell me this when I picked you up?"

I began to cry.

"She said she would kill me."

"That son of a bitch. It's OK baby, momma's gonna take care of it."

She ran down the hall to the phone her large tree trunk-like legs shakin behind her.

"MOTHERFUCKER! WHO THE FUCK THAT BITCH THINK SHE IS LAYIN HER HANDS ON MY BABY? ....I DON'T GIVE A FLYIN FUCK.

TREVOR IS BACK THERE TREMBLIN LIKE HE DONE SEEN A GODDAMN GHOST...TELL THAT BITCH SHE EVER LAY A HAND ON MY CHILD AGAIN SHE'LL DRAW BACK A NUB. I'LL HAVE THAT BITCH SHOT.

YEAH NIGGAH, I AIN'T LETTIN HIM COME OUT TO STAY THERE WITH YO BLACK ASS NO MORE. YA GODDAMN FOOL CAN'T EVEN WATCH YOUR OWN CHILD WITH OUT LETTIN SOME HEATHIN BEAT ON HIM.... SHUT THE FUCK UP I AIN'T HEARIN IT. I'M THE ONLY ONE TO CHASTISE MY CHILD.

NO FUCKIN KNOCKED UP STUPID GOOD FOR NUTHIN HIGH YELLA BITCH!

SLAM.

The phone hittin the receiver all I heard next.

"Trevor, come here baby."

I walked slowly down the hallway to the living room to sit on the couch by Ma

"Sit down, baby. Look, if anyone ever put they hands on you who ain't supposed to you tell me right away, you hear me? Ain't nobody chastising my children except me, no one. OK baby."

"Yeah, Ma."

"Go on back to bed, baby."

She said as she put her thumb in her mouth a habit that even at forty-something she hadn't broken. It was her way of relaxing letting her guard. I went back to my room smiling. My mom had fought the monsta and had won.

[Even the minimal edits I did to this piece as I transcribed it from the PDF was extremely difficult. The story is so vivid to me in nineteen ninety-six and it brings me back to a place that I didn't want to remember.

I am also realizing I never shared this story with my late brother, and now I wonder if it was important to see who his mother was to me, a monster who was now caring for his kids. But that is moot since he's now gone, and I don't see how it would ever be appropriate to share this with her grandchildren who have acclimated to her misinformed views of the world and psychosis.]

[Photo by Brown Estate]

[gothmods]

..

[lowkeyrobin]

Hawk x sensitive!reader where even after he becomes all "tough" and "badass" he's still gentle with reader. I just need fluff and everything is so sickly sweet like I want my teeth to rot.

- ♠️

(again i forgot which one it was)

YES OMG ☹️☹️☹️☹️ ; I'm screaming and crying were gonna fight wtf ; thank u for requesting some cobra kai stuff love u bae ; also sorry ab this cause I had no idea what to do here

HAWK MOSKOWITZ ; the one i love

summary ; while hawk is off becoming mean and badass, he's still nice to you, knowing you're kind of sensitive, and he doesn't want to lose his s/o

warnings ; language, talk of physical violence

track ; dedicated to the one i love, the mamas & the papas

word count ; 849

masterlist

Eli, these past few months, had changed. A lot. You didn't know whether you liked it or not either. He wasn't even Eli anymore, he was Hawk.

He'd taken on karate, got a new haircut, and completely changed his demeanor and personality. You couldn't lie, he looked cool, especially while showing off his moves, but what wasn't cool was him getting into unnecessary drama.

You'd seen some things online, though you tend not to stick around for any of it. You were caught up by Eli himself, considering you did online school. The bullying from Sam LaRusso and her friends had gotten too bad long ago, forcing you to hide away for the rest of your high school career.

You considered this transition good for Eli, as he was turning a new page in his story. He was able to defend himself, he was confident, and he wasn't being bullied anymore. But, at the same time, he was unrecognizable.

It wasn't in a bad way, not yet, at least. But this "Hawk" guy, wasn't your boyfriend, Eli. You fell into the arms of Eli Moskowitz, not Hawk.

Thankfully, he knew how to retain his relationship. Thank God his standards didn't raise, nor did his ego, as he changed.

You were slightly sensitive, you'd say, kind of emotional, mentally thin, maybe.

You had a bad day, though. That's all that mattered in this second.

You were trying to deep clean your room because it was nasty, and you were already mad. Nothing was working how you wanted it to. Your grades were dropping because you were becoming depressed and unmotivated, and you just wanted to see your boyfriend again. But of course, he'd been busy with karate and working out.

You yell out of pure frustration as you throw a pillow across the room toward your door before crashing onto your bed.

"Ow"

You quickly look up to see Eli standing in your doorway, having been hit by that pillow.

"Fuck, sorry" You mumble, proceeding to hide your face in another pillow that lays on your bed.

He slowly and cautiously steps in your room, picking up the thrown cushion. "What's wrong?"

"...Bad day"

He frowns, "What's wrong?"

You look up at him, spiky hair immediately catching your attention. "Can you wash out the gel before talking to me? You're intimidating looking like a badass"

He chuckles with a nod, "Yeah, I'll be right back"

You couldn't stand the mohawk. It intimidated you, like you were gonna be the next victim of his karate moves. He understood as you'd been honest about it long ago, and would often wash out his hair in the sink and use a towel to then dry his hair.

Now, his roots were dark brown, while the midsection to ends were bright blue. You'd helped him dye it, the reasoning why the bathroom sink was just barely stained with blue in the bowl.

He re-enters the room, his hair now damp, but un-styled. He sits on the bed beside you, allowing you to sit in silence with a pillow pressed against your face.

You slowly pull it away, looking up at him. You flop your back onto your mattress, staring at the ceiling.

"What's up?" He asks, his eyes gazing upon your tired and stressed expression.

You shrug, sitting up. "I hate online school, I have essentially no friends or hobbies, my proctors are shoving thirty assignments on me while I'm depressed and I need to do a million fucking other things-"

He quickly pulls you into a hug, silencing you. You accept his hug, arms draped around his shoulders as you rest your head on one of his shoulders. He does the same for you, his arms slung around your torso instead.

You groan, hiding your face from the light.

He lightly rubs your back, just trying to show you some comfort.

He speaks up after a solid minute of silence, letting you calm yourself down. "Do you want to get into karate? Or at least meet my friends? A lot of them would really like to meet you"

You shrug, unsure.

"It's okay if you don't want to"

You shrug again, your words mumbled from between his shoulder. "What if they don't like me cause I'm not like them?"

He smiles, a light chuckle escaping his lips. "Trust me, they're not gonna make fun of you or not like you in any way unless you give them a reason. And that in itself is pretty much impossible"

You nod, "Thanks"

"Is there any way I can help with your school stuff? What needs done? What can I do for you?"

"Calm down, Eli. I'll be fine. It's just when there's a lot on my mind, I stress out for no reason I guess. Like, I know everything'll be okay but... I dunno" You shrug, pulling away from his arms. "But thank you"

He nods, laying down on the bed beside you. "You tired? I am"

You nod with a smile, pulling him close to cuddle with him.

"Agh- your grip is insane!"

"Sorry"

[dysphoricangell]

“K!nk is empowering... I use CŇC to cope with my s@/r@pe.. ૮˶ᵔᵕᵔ˶ა”

Well, no.

Women that think this way have been brainwashed by pornography & other predatory systems into thinking that it’s actually morally ethical or safe to cope with their traumas through violent sexual acts. It’s also not surprising that most of these women are young, and are past victims of grooming at the hands of older male pedophiles. It’s mortifying to see, but what’s even more evil (albeit not shocking at all) to see is how many perverted, porn-addicted males use the fact that these women are clearly traumatized for their own personal gain/pleasure. They see these women as vulnerable, which equals easier to control and to treat as a sex object, rather than a traumatized person that needs support and healing. This is one of many differences between porn addiction in males and females. If you are a man that has ever encouraged these regressive behaviors in a mentally & physically traumatized woman, I hope you’re strung from the wall by your foreskin. Thanks! ❤️

I don’t know who told the “k!nksters”that’s it’s normal to exist in a trauma response, but it’s actually not. And no man should be encouraging you to, that’s fucking disgusting.

(I’m a r@pe survivor and I’ve never considered sexually roleplaying the crime committed against my body in order to cope with it. This is literally just another way to normalize male violence against women I fear, and unfortunately it’s hard for most of the women who defend it to realize this as they’re traumatized FROM male violence. It makes me so upset).

[writing-with-sophia]

Common misfortunes for characters

Death of a loved one: This can be a profound and devastating experience for a character, leading to grief, guilt, and a sense of loss. It can also serve as a catalyst for character development and exploration of themes such as mortality, coping with loss, and the fragility of life.

Serious illness or injury: Physical or mental health challenges can test a character's resilience and force them to confront their limitations. It can also provide opportunities for exploring themes of perseverance, the importance of support systems, and the fragility of the human body.

Loss of a job or financial ruin: Financial struggles can lead to desperation, uncertainty, and a loss of identity for a character. It can also present opportunities for growth, reinvention, and exploring themes of resilience, resourcefulness, and the true value of material possessions.

Betrayal by a trusted friend or ally: Betrayal can shatter trust and lead to feelings of anger, betrayal, and a loss of faith in others. It can create complex moral dilemmas for the character and explore themes of loyalty, forgiveness, and the dark side of human nature.

Imprisonment or wrongful accusation: Being imprisoned or falsely accused can lead to feelings of powerlessness, injustice, and a struggle for redemption. It provides opportunities for exploring themes of justice, personal agency, and the lengths one will go to prove their innocence.

Natural disasters: Natural disasters can be catastrophic events that disrupt lives, challenge survival instincts, and test a character's resilience. They can explore themes of human vulnerability, the power of nature, and the strength of community in times of crisis.

War or conflict: War and conflict can have profound impacts on characters, leading to physical and emotional trauma, loss of loved ones, and moral dilemmas. They provide opportunities for exploring themes of heroism, sacrifice, the futility of violence, and the long-lasting effects of war.

Addiction or substance abuse: Characters grappling with addiction or substance abuse can experience a downward spiral, strained relationships, and a loss of control. It allows for exploration of themes such as self-destructive behavior, the road to recovery, and the impact of addiction on oneself and others.

Mental health issues: Characters dealing with mental health issues like depression or anxiety can face internal struggles, isolation, and difficulties in functioning. It provides an opportunity to delve into themes of stigma, self-discovery, and the importance of mental health support.

Loss of a child or miscarriage: The loss of a child or experiencing a miscarriage can be emotionally devastating for characters, leading to grief, guilt, and questioning of one's purpose or identity. It allows for exploration of themes of parental love, coping with loss, and the complexities of grief.

Failed relationships or divorce: Characters going through failed relationships or divorce can experience heartbreak, loneliness, and a sense of failure. It presents an opportunity to explore themes of love, forgiveness, personal growth, and the complexities of human relationships.

Alienation or social isolation: Characters who feel alienated or socially isolated can grapple with feelings of loneliness, rejection, and a sense of not belonging. It allows for exploration of themes of identity, acceptance, and the importance of human connection.

Identity theft or fraud: Characters who fall victim to identity theft or fraud can face financial ruin, loss of reputation, and a struggle to reclaim their identity. It provides opportunities to delve into themes of trust, deception, and the lengths one goes to protect their identity.

Accidental injury or disability: Characters experiencing accidental injury or acquiring a disability can face physical and emotional challenges, adjusting to a new way of life, and overcoming societal barriers. It allows for exploration of themes such as resilience, self-acceptance, and the meaning of true strength.

Loss of a treasured possession or heirloom: Losing a treasured possession or heirloom can evoke feelings of loss, nostalgia, and a connection to the past. It provides an opportunity to explore themes of materialism, attachment, and the value of intangible memories.

Being stranded or lost in a remote or dangerous location: Characters finding themselves stranded or lost in a remote or dangerous location can face survival challenges, fear, and the need to rely on their instincts. It allows for exploration of themes of resilience, self-discovery, and the inherent strength of the human spirit.

Struggling with poverty or homelessness: Characters experiencing poverty or homelessness can encounter hardships, discrimination, and a constant struggle for basic needs. It provides an opportunity to explore themes of social inequality, resilience, and the power of compassion and empathy.

Encounter with a dangerous or malicious antagonist: Characters facing a dangerous or malicious antagonist can be subjected to physical and psychological harm, manipulation, and a fight for their lives. It allows for exploration of themes of good versus evil, moral choices, and the strength of the human spirit in the face of adversity.

Political or social persecution: Characters experiencing political or social persecution can face oppression, injustice, and the fight for their rights and freedom. It provides an opportunity to explore themes of social change, courage, and the power of collective action.

Being framed for a crime they didn't commit: Characters who are framed for a crime they didn't commit can face wrongful accusation, a loss of trust, and the pursuit of justice. It allows for exploration of themes of innocence, perseverance, and the search for truth.

These misfortunes can be used individually or combined to create layered and complex narratives where characters face adversity, overcome challenges, and ultimately find strength and growth through their experiences. Remember to balance the misfortunes with moments of resilience, hope, and eventual triumph to create a compelling narrative.

If you want to read more posts about writing, please click here and give me a follow!

[recoord]

Staying neutral until Neil Gaiman is convicted by the courts?

Second attempt to express my thoughts on the matter. The first time, my wording was not the best and it needed to be fact checked so here there is a summarized attempt. Thank you to everyone who pointed it out.

Using "neutrality" to remain sceptical to the allegations is not as good as an idea as it seems.

Many have shown scepticism because of the medium, The Tortoise podcast, used to publish most of the accusations. I've found many don't know there's a second podcast that published one of the women's allegations: Am I Broken: Survivor Stories Podcast. A podcast made by a non-binary licensed clinical mental health counselor specializing in sexual trauma. The link for the podcast is here and the link for the transcript here. [Credits for the transcript to Ersatz Haderach].

Personally, I think you shouldn't discard the allegations just for the medium chosen, they're still valid. But, there’s a second podcast and Claire's allegations there help to amplify the other victims's voices. If you haven't read or listened to any of the allegations, that could be a good start.

Ignoring that information and testimonies exist is far from being neutral. Learn about the allegations before choosing "neutrality".

It's important to notice that in cases like the ones exposed by the women's allegations against Gaiman, "Neutrality" is already biased in favor of the accused.

Waiting for a formal sentence for Gaiman to start believing in the victims is choosing to blindly trust a corrupt system. It also sounds like if you weren't conscious enough of the many problems that rape victims face in the justice system.

I've found an interesting report on the matter with information about how justice fails victims . Here are some important points:

Why the legal justice fails rape survivors?

According to a report made by Centre for Women’s Justice, the End Violence Against Women Coalition, Imkaan and Rape Crisis England & Wales.(2020):

Obstacles to conviction

- "In the vast majority of (adult) rape cases, the defendant will accept that sexual intercourse took place, and it is only the element of ‘consent’ that is in dispute, or – put another way – whether a reasonable person would characterise what happened as consensual or non-consensual."

"Given the sexual nature of the offence, it will often take place in private, the complainant and defendant (or defendants) being the only persons present."

"There are very rarely any eye-witnesses to the offence itself, able to corroborate either the complainant or the defendant’s account as to what has unfolded. Indeed, there will more often be no independent evidence at all which corroborates the complainant’s account as to the circumstances of the sexual encounter. At best, there may be circumstantial evidence which supports what the complainant is saying: evidence which, for example, provides a picture of the complainant’s physical or mental state before and/or after the attack; or there may be evidence which is broadly supportive of her credibility, or undermines the suspect’s credibility."

- Even in ‘better’ periods, rape cases have always posed very significant challenges for prosecutors. While volumes of convictions have fluctuated over the years, the rate of convictions for rape has invariably been lower than in most other areas of crime."

-“it has been widely accepted by criminal justice bodies that many members of the public continue to believe in long-standing ‘myths and stereotypes’ relating to rape, which do not correspond with reality, result in disbelief of victims/survivors, and are now outdated in the eyes of the law.”

- “When a victim/survivor’s credibility is considered so fundamental to winning a rape or serious sexual offences trial, those who do not fit the ‘mould’ of a credible victim – because of their age, their outward presentation, their social skills, a disadvantaged background, or a learning mental health disability – are the least likely to see justice served.”

- “Whenever the profile of rape victims/survivors and their poor treatment by the criminal justice system begins to receive the attention it deserves, there comes a backlash and a rise in public concern regarding the fate of the ‘falsely’ accused.”

I recommend reading the whole report for further information.

Don't choose "neutrality" as an excuse to hide your bias, listen to the victims. There is a lot of information out there. Many patterns are repeated among victims who, before the allegations were made public, thought they were the only person who experienced the same thing, with Gaiman as the common denominator.

If you want to add something, feel free to do it.

[teaboot]

I'm surprised/impressed? by how blase you are about people threatening you at work. A neighbor threatened me last week and it was so scary and I wish I could have had the same kinda response you seem to.

First off, I hope you're safe and okay, that's an awful experience to be familiar with and especially bad that they live so close to you D:

Second, I'm certainly no maverick out here- I've only been doing this a few years now- but I've found that about 99% of threats I receive have very little intent to follow through.

The type of threats I usually receive are typically from:

Someone who's had bad experiences with security or police, in the past. People with hand and face tattoos, homeless folks, people with mannerisms that get them labeled as "sketchy", POC, and people who've been incarcerated all have valid reason to believe I'm out to get them, and may get treated badly elsewhere often enough that they're expecting that. Every time I approach someone, I have to take this into account and do everything I can to signal that they haven't been profiled based on preexisting stereotypes.

Someone experiencing the symptoms of a mental health condition. People with mental illnesses are statistically victims of crime more often than they are perpetrators. That said, I have run into people before whose mental illness can present as aggression- if someone behaving erratically or is known for that sort of thing tells me they're gonna blow my brains out, but I can clearly see they're unarmed, not coming towards me, haven't hurt anyone, and show no intent of escalating, I'm probably not in danger. A few people I've met will see me again in a day or two and will have no problems with me at all.

Someone who is scared, frustrated, anxious, or grieving. Not to excuse violence in any context, but in my experience 99% of people who blow up at me aren't actually thinking about me. Anger isn't so much an emotion in a lot of ways as it is the reaction to another emotion- if someone tells me they're gonna kick my ass, I have to question if there's anything they may be frightened, frustrated, or sad about something else entirely. If I can address and resolve what's causing the anxiety, the anger usually goes away next. If I can't deescalate, my next job is to disengage and make sure myself and others aren't at risk of harm.

People who want something from me. This does not happen often. Maybe they want me to back off, or leave them alone, or let them take something, whatever- maybe they think I'm someone with clearance to use physical force, or they think my flashlight is pepper spray. Whatever it is, once they've made it clear they're willing to act, I back off. Unless they're hurting another person, nothing they want is worth getting stabbed or shot over. And physical conflict is insanely stressful, even for the attacker, so even then whoever threatening me will likely take any "out" I can give- I keep paths of escape clear, stay out of range, keep calm and respectful. Every time this has happened to me, the person has run away when given the chance.

People who genuinely want to hurt me and intend to follow through. Again, this is super uncommon- I think it's only really happened to me once or twice on the job. Yes, it's scary, but I find it helps to remember that they arent after me, they're after the uniform. If someone is coming after me in costume, so to speak, it's not who I am as a person, it's what I represent. And a lot of people seem to think I'm a cop, or see me as a faceless goon, or a past abuser, or an intruder in their life specifically sent to make them miserable. If that's what they believe, there's not much I can do to change their mind except, again, stay calm and respectful and disengage.

I do know how to defend myself to an extent, but again, I don't have weapons or restraints or a vest or anything and I'm kinda small on top of that so really I'm cool with hauling ass if I gotta. If me getting the fuck out of dodge resolves the issue then I'm not above radio'ing HQ from the top of a tree somewhere, that shit is above my pay grade.

TL/DR in my personal limited experience, someone who has told me that they're going to hurt me wouldn't have given me the warning unless there was something I could do to avoid it. Stay calm, don't yell, be respectful, give them an escape route and run if you need to

Stay safe out there, yeah?

[tlou-reid]

Cardigan ❤︎ Spencer Reid

♡ SUMMARY: spencer is finally home and all fem!reader wants is to be close with him (i picture this as season 9 reid but you do you)

♡ WARNINGS: smut, unprotected piv (be safe!) , ass slapping, fluffy smut, spencer being a cutie, showering together, not edited, 18+ minors dni

—♡

Spencer could’ve sworn you could hear his heavy footsteps as he made his way up the apartment building’s stairs. He had called you a few hours ago and let you know that they were finally loading up the jet to go home. After an excruciating, exhausting, and downright horrendous case all Spencer wanted to do was go home to you.

You couldn’t help yourself from making your way to the kitchen after hanging up with Spencer. It wasn’t that you felt the need to cook for him; he was a grown man, he could do it himself if he wanted food. But it was an act of love. After being away for almost two weeks and nothing but fast food and vending machine snacks, you knew he’d appreciate a warm, home cooked meal.

You heard the keyhole in the door turn as you sat his plate on the dining room table. You made your way to the door to be able to greet him as soon as he came in. The grin that spread across your face as he opened the door quickly faded as you saw the deep dark circles under his eyes. He looked so, so tired. Your heart fell, knowing he must have had an awful two weeks.

“Spence,” you said lovingly, reaching for his shoulders. His body instantly relaxed as you rubbed the tension out of his body. He stood in the doorway as your hands slid from his shoulders down his chest. Your hands followed the buttons of his purple cardigan down, undoing them as you went. Neither of you said anything, just allowing your actions to convey how much you missed him, how much you loved him, and how much you hoped he was feeling okay.

When his cardigan was fully unbuttoned your hands traced back up to his shoulders, helping him take it off. You grabbed his hand, lightly tugging him inside and setting his cardigan on the arm of the couch, him shutting the door as you did so. Still silent, you led him to the table by his hand, pulling his chair out and allowing him to sit.

Your hand ran through his hair before you leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead. Spencer’s eyes fell shut as your lips pressed against his skin. “You okay?” You spoke softly. Spencer just nodded, reaching towards to wrap his hands around your waist. His dinner plate was forgotten, but he made a mental note to thank you for the gesture later, as he pulled you into his lap. “Rough week,” was all he said.

You nodded, letting him bury his head into your shoulder. You knew sometimes this is what Spencer needed. Despite not liking when people touched him, he craved yours. It was like you were his own personal sense of home, and everything was okay as long as he could feel your skin. No killers, no victims, no violence, no nightmares. Just you and your soft skin and gentle touch. That was all he needed.

You weren’t sure how long you two stayed like that; just wrapped up with each other. His plate had definitely gone cold by the time his hands unwrapped from your waist. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled as you got off his lap, “I’m just really hungry.” You giggled, offering to heat his plate up for him. He declined, assuring you that your cooking was more than enough, and he was just grateful to have something to eat already made. Both of your hearts were full of love as you sat while he ate, continually complimenting your cooking.

When Spencer was done, you quickly cleared his plate for him, just sitting it by the sink for one of you to worry about tomorrow. You, once again, grabbed his hand and gently guided him to your shared bedroom. Physically, he wasn’t fragile. Spencer was strong. He’d been through more than almost anyone else on the planet, and he took it in stride. He took whatever came at him and not only moved on from it, but grew from it. But you were still scared he would break. After all, a person could only take so much.

“Shower with me?” Spencer asked once you both reached the bedroom. He sat on the edge to untie his converses. “Of course,” you hummed already making your way to the connected bathroom. You were turning on the water when Spencer entered the room, wearing only his boxers. You couldn’t help yourself as your eyes traced over every nook and cranny of his body. He was so beautiful. After a week, you were dying to be near him. To touch him. To have him touch you.

Spencer could feel the energy shift as he came in. He watched you as you undressed, stepping into the shower. He followed closely, letting his hand run over your chest as he stepped in. You guys stood facing each other, letting the warm water run over you. You held eye contact as you leaned to kiss him. You’d missed the feeling of his lips against yours.

He was the one who deepened the kiss. He could only control himself so much after being away for so long. He thought of you every night. Even when he couldn’t talk to you, you were on his mind.

His hands were on each side of your face as you made out in the shower. His tongue slipped into your mouth and your hands wrapped around his waist to pull him closer. God, you really did miss him.

Just as quickly as he deepened your kiss, he broke it. “I’m really sweaty,” he chuckled reaching for a rag to soap up. You washed each other. You noticed his half-hard cock as you washed his legs. You couldn’t help but press a kiss on his happy trail. He smiled when you stood up to face him again, pressing another kiss to your lips.

Spencer wrapped a large, fluffy towel around your body when you stepped out. He smiled as he ran his hands along your shoulders. He couldn’t help but give you another kiss before leaving the bathroom.

“Come here,” Spencer beckoned, bringing you over to the bed. You held your towel tight to your body as he leaned into where you stood between his legs. He was sitting, trapping you between his open, man-spreading legs. He started pressing deep kisses into your neck and mumbling how much he missed you in-between them. Your grip on your towel loosened as he showered you with love.

He noticed this, reaching up to move your hand completely. He was sucking a mark into your neck as he pulled your towel down. His mouth moved down, as did his hands. As he spread kisses across your chest, Spencer pulled you into his lap. Once you were straddling him, he attached himself to your left nipple. He kept one hand around your waist and brought the other up to toy with your right one.

“Spence,” you groaned, pushing yourself closer to him. After him being gone for so long, it was so easy for him to turn you on. Spencer could feel the wetness that had pooled around your pussy from where you were on his lap.

“Yes, baby?” He questioned, knowing what you wanted but wanted to hear you say it. “I want you,” you whined, dragging your pussy along his hard cock. “I’m tired baby, I don’t know if I can give it to you.” You whined at his teasing words.

He wasn’t lying. He was exhausted. He didn’t know how long he would last once he was inside of you.

“That’s okay,” you mewled, dropping your head into his shoulder, “I can do it myself, if that’s okay.” Spencer smiled, and let out a soft moan at your sweet, but dirty words. “Of course that’s okay,” he said.

That was all you needed, reaching a hand down in between you two and lining him up with your entrance. His hands rested on your waist as you sat down on him. You both let out a matching groan as you fully took him. “I missed you so fucking much.” Spencer said, moving forward to kiss you.

Your movements started light, barely lifting yourself off of his cock. The drag of his length inside of you felt so good as you bounced on his dick. As your movements started to pick up, Spencer was groaning underneath you, loving the way your ass slapped against his thighs as you bounced on him. He couldn’t help himself as he reached down to give it a light slap, before gripping it hard.

You let out a loud moan as you felt him guide your movements from behind. You pressed kisses into his neck as he moved you. You wanted to leave marks on him, just like he did to you, but you couldn’t. He’d have to leave again and you didn’t want anyone else to see the filthy things you two did when you were alone.

Spencer’s words were broken and weak as he sputtered out, “I don’t know how much longer I’m gonna last.” You nodded, agreeing with him but unable to find words as his cock lit a fire inside of you. Your movements were fast and heavy, becoming erratic as you were reaching your high.

When his hand that wasn’t on your ass reached down between your bodies, rubbing on your clit, you let out a moan. Your legs began to feel weak and he had to work harder to guide you as finished on his cock. Your pussy squeezing him just right led him to his own, cumming inside of you.

“Fuck,” you mumbled, pressing a kiss to his temple. “I love you,” Spencer spoke softly, his throat slightly hoarse. You hummed in agreement, pulling yourself off of him. You tried not to make a mess as you made your way to the bathroom.

When you were done, Spencer was laying in his plaid sweatpants, propped up on pillows at the top of your bed. Your eyes couldn’t help but trace his long legs. He smiled at you, holding out the cardigan that you had pulled off of him when he came in.

“I figured you’d like to sleep in it.” You smiled and nodded, slipping it on and buttoning it up. As you both settled down and turned off the lights, all you could think about was how happy you were he was home and safe.

You slept together with your legs intertwined at the bottom of the bed. Spencer didn’t have any nightmares that night.

[lizzy019]

НИКТО Personality Analysis

-> Information Given

Some form of dissociation disorder

Tortured by Zakhaev, leaving heavy scarring and forcing him to wear a mask to avoid ridicule, fear from others, and shunning by society

Age is in the range of late 20s to mid 30s, not confirmed yet

-> Theories

Nikto says "us" a lot in his voicelines, and in his description it only says he has ACUTE DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER, which is when you zone out and fall into a heavy state of haziness and confusion for a short period of time before regaining focus. However, DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER is all about dissociating for however long, the range is limitless, and another identity will take over while you're spaced out. Therefore, this is why I believe Nikto had DID and not ADD.

Nikto has this animation where he's supposedly showing that he'll slit your throat in a very oddly realistic manner. What pressure to use and how he'd end off your head. I believe he's witnessed and first handedly experienced this when Zakhaev tortured him, and he began doing it while in the military. Why? Nikto has a very gruff, harsh tone, but it's only when he's yelling and putting too much pressure to his vocal cords. I believe he has a scar on his neck, maybe a bit too close to his esophagus and lower chin that didn't heal properly and affected how he projected his voice.

Now, Nikto has one voice line that goes, "I hear enough voices, I don't need another!" Referring back to my first theory, I believe Nikto also has very short patience and all of his alters do as well. His whole personality is built off of acting fast, doing as instructed, and constantly going. You never see Nikto stop. I believe this voiceline is a very strong giveaway to a part of Nikto's personality on how he functions. It also shows how his temper is kind of wonky.

-> Personality Scan-over

Nikto is presumed as a very harsh Russian man, brutalized by his captor Zakhaev and taken advantage of when he was at his absolute lowest. This has caused major issues with trust, abandonment, and self-love. Nikto struggles with expressing himself, often resulting in violence and anger as heard in his voicelines.

He typically doesn't like speaking to people, only his fellow military personnel, but even then it isn't guaranteed. Nikto is a very self-sufficient person, he's head-on about lots of things and isn't scared to take charge when need be. His main frustration is when people don't listen to him, he already lacks control mentally with all his alters.

Nikto is the type of person who struggles with letting people into his life, or into his head in general. He's reserved, too reserved. He doesn't like letting people in, and who could blame him with all that he's suffered?

But if you do manage to break down his barriers, expect tough love and lots of strange surprises. He'll become more protective of you in a physical sense, not caring too much about you emotionally. If you've brought him comfort in any way, shape or form, he will tell himself how much he cannot lose that solace you bring him.

Nikto is cold, and typically isn't good in relationships. In his voicelines, he's very aggressive and doesn't show any sympathy, much less many manners. The occasional "spasibo" (thanks in Russian) and that's all. It'd be hard to be dependent on him when he's just more independent than you'd expect.

-> Background Theories

True Name: Igor "Nikto" Vasilyevich Yurievich

Age: 33 or 34

Born in: Siberia, Russia

Family: No mother, no siblings

-> Summary

Nikto is a Russian soldier who fights in the private military dubbed "KorTac", an elite group of military personnel who fight alongside other military units to achieve a shared goal.

Nikto is a torture victim survivor, captured my Viktor Zakhaev and ending up with some severe scarring to his lower face and neck. This is why he hides his face with a mask, and also covers his whole body in dark clothing.

Nikto is an individual who struggles with a dissociative disorder, causing some of his work to be a bit half-done, not purposefully however. His lack of control due to his disorder brings him only disadvantages, making him stop mid-fight and inevitably making him an easy target.

Regardless of this, Nikto has proved himself to be a worthy soldier on the battlefield, exceeding many expectations and climbing the ranks cleanly and efficiently. His character is the embodiment of determination and dedication despite everything going wrong much to his dismay.

[cupidlovesastro]

𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰𝔲𝔰 (7066) 𝔭𝔢𝔯𝔰𝔬𝔫𝔞 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔱

[long post ahead]

❣️this is my personal interpretation of the nessus asteroid persona chart!🪭

tw: abuse in all forms, trauma, power, control, unhealthy behavior, dynamics and relationships, manipulation

nessus represents things thing such as manipulation, trauma, unhealthy dynamics, harmful behaviors, ways you’ve been a victim, ways you could’ve hurt others, power, revenge, guilt, and control

other post you may enjoy

nessus (7066) through the houses

dark astrology observations

dark astrology observations #2

planets

sun- the trauma at its core, your ego after / from the trauma, your happiness after/ during the trauma, power through ego, unhealthy relationships with your ego, father wounds, unhealthy relationships with your identity, unhealthy relationships with your confidence, how your ego, happiness, identity, personality, or confidence has been manipulated, making your trauma something your proud of, learning how to live with your trauma

moon- emotional manipulation, mother wounds, unhealthy emotional habits, emotional control, emotional ab*se, childhood trauma, m*scarriages, guilt tripping, toxic femininity, spiritual trauma, curses, emotional self sabotage, how your trauma has emotionally affected you, learning to open up your heart after/ during your trauma

mercury- verbal ab*se, blackmailing, verbal manipulation, harassment, lying or being lied to, plotting against others, persuading, gossiping, yelling/screaming, psychological abuse, mental abuse, gaslighting, speaking or writing about your trauma

venus- toxic relationships, love bombing, unhealthy relationships with beauty, money, jealousy, or love, ab*se from those you love, revengeful partner, falling into bad habits when in a relationship, relationships that bring out the worse, controlling partners, relationships surrounding lust not love, toxic relationships with lust, toxic femininity, turning your trauma into something artistic

mars- sexual trauma , sexual ab*se, sexual harassment, physical strength being used against others, physical force, physical violence, anger issues, control through anger or physical pain, toxic masculinity, unhealthy relationships with lust, unhealthy patterns with lust, using sex to gain power or revenge,sexual control, learning to be angry from your trauma, turning your trauma into ambition and passion

jupiter- largest amounts of trauma, ab*se, control, power, where your happiness has been taken away, how you’ve grown from your trauma, healing from your trauma, what you will gain from your trauma, parts of your trauma that you’ve made positive

saturn- how you will struggle after/ from your trauma, struggles with ab*se, power, manipulation, and control, how your trauma has held you back, working hard to move on/ grow from it, fears that your trauma has caused, trauma from being punished or seriously disciplined, trauma from work/ jobs

uranus- how your trauma has changed you, rebelling because of your trauma, seeking freedom after your trauma, having hope during/ after your trauma, making improvements to yourself because of your trauma, being more independent after trauma, trauma from groups of people, online trauma, groups of people being controlling, ab*sive, powerful, revengeful against you

neptune- having nightmares or flash backs due to your trauma, going through a spiritual awakening from your trauma, things that remind you of your trauma on a subconscious level, turning your trauma into art or something creative, connecting more to spirituality because of your trauma, having traumatic dreams, using your trauma to relate and be empathetic to others

pluto- refreshing yourself after your trauma, karmic cycles you’ll go through because of your trauma, wanting justice from what you’ve been through, how you’ve transformed because of what you’ve been through, power trips, power been used against you, sexual ab*se, sex being used against you, fighting justice for others trauma, being more connected to spirituality during/ after your trauma, being secretive aboit what you’ve been through

houses

1h-obvious/open ab*se, traumatic first impressions/ experiences, your attitude towards your trauma, trauma responses, how your body experiences trauma, physical ab*se, unhealthy relationship with your physical appearance, bodily harm, how you can be susceptible to trauma, ab*se, power, etc

2h- money being used against you, traumatic work environments, trauma from possessiveness or being possessive because of trauma, toxic habits with money, putting money over everything else, valuing power, control, revenge over other things

3h- verbal ab*se, gossip, words being used against you, mental ab*se, wanting power over others mentally, elementary trauma, being bullied in elementary school, being ab*sed by siblings, controlling, revengeful, or manipulative siblings, toxic neighbors

4h- familial ab*se, toxic mothers, mothers who are controlling, ab*sive, or revengeful, unhealthy relationships with family members, emotional ab*se, emotional manipulation, guilt tripping, unhealthy emotional patterns, toxic femininity, m*scarriages, misogyny

5h- love bombing, trauma from romance, love being used against you, trauma from your affairs, m*scarriages, making you feel guilty for being yourself, happiness being taken away from you

6h- health related trauma, using your mental or physical health against you, feeling worthless or useless, being criticized by others, not having a routine because of your trauma, guilt due to your health condition or guilt from feeling like your not enough

7h- trauma from relationship, being overpowered by lovers, trapped in marriages, being forced to charge things, bad dynamics with partners, revengeful partners, controlling relationships

8h- sexual trauma, partner not wanting to share with you, feeling disconnected from others, being forced to feel connected or be connected, being put in debt due to partner, partner withholding money, not getting your inheritance

9h- religious trauma, being systematically or socially ab*sed, controlled, or over powered, people not listening to your opinions, being bullied in high school or college, being told your stupid, the law being used against you, being treated like your dumb

10h- public trauma, having your reputation tarnished or threatened, trauma from your career, a victim to the public, ab*sed by your father, toxic masculinity, unhealthy relationships with fame/ the public, gaining fame from your trauma, public control, going through harsh situations to accomplish goals, unhealthy father figure(s)

11h- ab*se from groups of people, being threatened by groups of people, backstabbing friends, friends that want control over you, cyber bullying, having your trauma on the internet, unhealthy friends, having your blessings restricted from you, people controlling what you do and don’t gain

12h- spiritual ab*se, restricted from healing, not getting closure, limiting beliefs that stuck with you, people using your limited beliefs against you, karma others will be given for traumatizing you (vise versa), nightmares, people who secret want to harm you, unhealthy relationships with spirituality, isolation being used to hurt you

signs

aries- fast trauma, quick ab*se, aggression, anger issues, headaches, head/face trauma, mental illness from trauma/ mental trauma, forcefulness

taurus- slow trauma, disloyalty, overindulgence, unhealthy relationships with food, unhealthy relationships with money, jaw to neck trauma, possessiveness, jealousy

gemini- mental trauma, verbal ab*se, anxiety, overthinking, mental disorders, arms and hands trauma, superficial people, inconsistency, backstabbing

cancer- trauma from mother, toxic femininity, emotional ab*se, emotional manipulation, chest/breast trauma, sensitivity

leo- egotistical, dramatized, arrogance, attention/ attention seeking, forcefulness, heart trauma

virgo- not picking, impurity, innocence being taken away, critical energy, anxiety, analyzation, stomach trauma

libra- romanticization, flirting being used as manipulation, imbalance, injustice, shallowness, skin trauma

scorpio- sexual trauma/ ab*se, de*ths, dramatic changes, obsession, possessiveness, secrecy, hiding things, genital trauma

sagittarius- religious trauma, opinionated, close mindedness, trauma from the law, cultural trauma, too much freedom or lack of freedom, trauma to your thigh

capricorn- financial trauma, restriction, lack of discipline or too much discipline, materialism, fatherly trauma, trauma to your bones/ teeth

aquarius- internet trauma, coldness, distance, trauma from groups, disowned by community, unique experiences, calf to ankle trauma

pisces- nightmares, flashbacks, emotional manipulation/ ab*se, naivety, apathy or too much empathy, subconscious trauma, trauma to the feet

banners by @cafekitsune @strangergraphics-archive

[hadesoftheladies]

Opinion: We Need to Start Talking About Violent Feminist Activism Seriously

while i do not think that females are as violent or would be as violent as males without patriarchal obstruction, i think it's mostly the emasculation of women (female socialization) that leads to this demureness that perpetuates female subjugation. we often frame femininity as something that inhibits consciousness-raising, but it is actually far more frightening and deeper than that. femininity and its practices inhibit female self-worth which in turn causes women to devalue themselves. this is why women are not accustomed to fighting for themselves, like every other animal (male and female) on this earth. women are so used to "lying down and taking it" because it is something they are primed to do. the danger of femininity isn't just that it deforms our bodies or divides us from each other, it is that it physically and mentally disables our ability to fight back.

i have often neglected to mention alternative methods in my separatist posts, but separatism is not the only way we can enact large-scale societal transformation. it is the only nonviolent way.

the truth of the matter is, as much as we make jokes and fantasize about killing men, the reason most women and girls "behave" when it comes to men and men do not "behave" when it comes to women is because women simply aren't feared, despite the fact that we have the power to become a threat. even in feminist circles such as this, talk of women physically harming men is seen as taboo, as something that can be easily used against us. so we have to constantly disclose that we aren't serious. i think this is part of the problem.

the other word for fear is respect. men cannot respect or revere men they do not fear on some level. in a twisted way, in order for women to become human to men, we have to get scary. we have to hold real power over them and become intolerant to them.

this doesn't necessarily have to be done strictly in violent ways. resisting femininity can range from allowing ourselves to frown and even scowl in public, not being hospitable toward men, not complimenting, affirming, validating or cleaning up after them. but the point of combatting female socialization is resisting the role of women in patriarchal society: sexual object, or in other words, victim. it is the victimization of women that men find especially erotic. that's why consensual sex isn't enough for them. they are fuelled by female terror.

in short, gyns, i'm saying the time has come when we should aim to put the fear of god in these bastards. the only way they will view rape as badly as they view cannibalism is if there is a constant looming threat of brutal social castration. they need to fear social punishment, which is difficult because half of society is made up of men that approve. so how can the other half, women, make it so that the other half are afraid to do so?

which brings us, ironically, back to separatism and also gender non-conformity. in order for women to reach a place where we can defend ourselves using violence and not get taken ten steps back for killing/maiming a rapist, pedo, abuser we need women to have access to ironclad female solidarity.

male solidarity is what keeps the status quo intact, and female solidarity is its only worthy counterpoint. the reason patriarchy is so strong is because of female solidarity with males rather than intra-community solidarity. this is the weak point of patriarchy, it's over-dependence on women on a cellular level. society as we know it, patriarchal or not, will fall to shit if women refused to participate in its core structures. literally the only reason children are still being born, raised and schooled in the face of men's destructiveness is because of women. men can destroy as much as they like and a society will still function for the most part because of the resilience of women. literally the biggest economic problems societies face come from male criminality whether from upper or lower class men. the only reason any of it still functions is because of women. women are the glue of the home themselves, the basic unit of society. take women away, and i promise there's nothing fucking left.

for this reason, the biggest de-radicalization tools patriarchy employs against female liberation are marriage/co-habitation with men, femininity and religion and i will get into the details why briefly:

-marriage/co-habitation often results in the woman's isolation from female community or larger society because the man strategically makes himself the central focus/recipient of her resources (health, attention, energy)

-femininity keeps women focused on male approval as a source of power, further encouraging female-female competition and destroying solidairty

-religion and romance are explicitly androcentric, focusing on framing men as the only possible givers of life, purpose, fulfillment and meaning to women while simultaneously demeaning, obscuring and devaluing the fact that women are oftentimes the primary sources of human life and love

now see that all three do three very important things for de-radicalization: they frame men as sources of life, meaning and vitality as opposed to a threat or disadvantage, isolates women from their true selves (devaluing their friendships, erasing their history and contributions, distorting their nature), and pits women against each other. to sum up, centering men and then erasing and isolating women from each other and themselves.

but we won't scare men by psyching ourselves out of what's going to be necessary to defend ourselves. in order for women to be mobilized to take power men have no authority to deny them, we have to cultivate strong, nearly unbreakable self-esteem. we need to esteem ourselves so highly that we never question whether or not we should feel entitled to a better life.

that's why refusing to emasculate yourself is the first step. decolonizing your mind of its male-centeredness and no longer seeing yourself as subordinate, inferior or less worthy to a life of freedom than him.

the second step after de-centering men within yourself is to quickly center women. that's where separatism comes in. not only does this also aid you in decolonizing the rest of your mind, but it gives you the courage to go for better rather than settle for what men say you deserve. seeing that actually, men aren't vital at all to a wonderful life. throwing yourself into female centricity and replacing male hegemony with female history, philosophy, culture, literature, all of it. but not just on a mental level, on an interpersonal and financial level as well. this boosts you economically and empowers you buy giving you that independence necessary to make demands.

then when it comes to the dire, when men retaliate as they are prone to do, you don't hesitate to punish them for it. you don't hesitate to make it cost them. whether that's in organized feminist cyber attacks (doxxing, phishing, DDos attacks, etc). you make them see themselves as potential victims. where what they do to others can also be done to them. where they fear being poisoned, disappearing, outed, isolated, killed.

this kind of organized self-defense will not happen without female solidarity. we already have examples of women coming together to beat abusive men up and get rid of the threats themselves when victims of male violence fear state retaliation too much to defend themselves. female solidarity can substitute for state neglect. it is the only thing that can. the king of the pride doesn't stand a chance against a pack of lionesses. and the state cannot punish all its women lest it destroy itself entirely. governments know that restricting women restricts their economy, so killing masses of women is just not feasible.

female solidarity is the missing piece, and that's what the status quo continually tries to dismantle. also, non-violence in the face of our oppression has never been a virtue. it is something the patriarchy has counted on.

the lie of femininity is that men will respect or care for us once they see how we suffer and how beautiful we are. we think they will set us apart as sacred if they are in love with us. but the truth is they will only respect us if they fear us.

anyways, i'm just thinking out loud here, and these are all generalizations. i'll need to make a whole other article where i break this down on an infrastructural level.

[spacebarbarianweird]

@ramlightly graciously let me write a fic based on this comic. Check it out, it's so cool!

"Dominate Person" is a nasty spell that can fully submit a humanoid to your power. It's unclear if the victim has self-consciousness in the moment but since it's possible to throw Wisdom saving rolls I think you can feel that you are controlled.

Thanks @bhaalbaaby for beta-reading!

Puppet Master

Synopsis: Astarion is enchanted by the "Dominate Person" spell and almost kills Tav.

Tags: angst, comfort

TW: A description of physical violence

Read on AO3

Masterlist

Headcanons

Astarion wants to move. To hide in the shadows and shoot the necromancer from there.

You are surrounded, but you keep doing your work.

But he can't.

His body is paralyzed, and he feels a wave of panic. 

No, not this. Not "Hold Person"!

He can't do this. He can't make it.

Paralysis is like being sealed in a tomb with too little space to move. Helpless, voiceless.

What if something happens to you when he is like this?

"Astarion, use your daggers!"

Is it you? Or one of the adventurers you've teamed up this morning to kick necromancers out of the town?

Astarion just has to wait. The spell wears off when the spellcaster is down. Or a healer manages to find a way to get rid of the invisible chains.

Or...

USE THE DAGGER

The voice is intimidating, too loud, and too powerful.

It's like the Cazador's voice in his head again. Suppressing. Ordering. Torturing.

No, no...

Astarion feels his hand move toward the dagger. The strings make him move.

It's not "Hold Person".

It's "Dominate Person".

Full control of the victim. The voice your body cannot resist. You become one of them, fighting for them.

Murdering your loved ones.

KILL

Astarion rushes forward to you. To the only person he loves and cares about. The only person in the entire world who has never hurt him.

"Astarion! Help me! Astarion, what's wrong?"

Astarion pushes you into the ground with all his newfound vampiric strength.

No, no, please, stop it!

MURDER THEM

The dagger stabs through your stomach, causing an internal rupture. The second dagger wounds your chest.

You stare at him in pain, in silent prayer. You watch your lover killing you.

Blood. So much blood. Your blood.

A strong hand pulls Astarion from you, but it's not enough.

Astarion has an order from his new master.

To kill you. To make sure you are dead.

It is the worst type of dissociation. He is just an observer.

His hands rip you apart as if you are a prey he's found in the woods. Your eyes are full of terror and pain.

VAMPIRE, DRINK THE BLOOD.

No, no, I won't do it. I don't take the blood without consent... NO!

His fangs pierce into your neck, taking the blood non-stop. To satiate him, to let him feel alive.

And to drain you.

He is less than a slave. A puppet. With his locked mind in agony.

CRUSH THE SKULL

Astarion grabs a handful of your hair to smash you against a stone. Your body is motionless. Broken. Almost dead.

And then...

The agony of death pierces the mind. It's an acid flare of horror - too familiar for the undead.

It happened to him once, many years ago. When he was killed by Cazador and revived as a vampire spawn.

That's how death feels.

But he isn't dying. More than this, his body is his again.

Astarion stands up, feeling the nightmare wearing off.

Your body lies on the ground in blood and gore.

Astarion falls to his knees, his hands shaking.

And yells.

**

You wake up, your body sore and in terrible pain.

Astarion.

Your mind reacts with a panic attack - a near-death experience causing mental anguish. Your body remembers how Astarion jumped on you with his daggers.

How he ripped your throat.

How he almost crushed your skull.

You try to collect yourself. "Dominate Person". One of the nastiest spells necromancers know. Create a humanoid puppet and make them kill their friends and loved ones. While they silently scream, locked in their minds.

Some people never recover from that. Offing themselves, not being capable of dealing with what they did.

Damn, and what did it do to Astarion? It's what happened to him during his enslavement. Orders impossible to resist.

You want to call for him, but your body refuses to act. It remembers.

His hands, his fangs.

And his eyes in such desperation you've never seen.

Before you manage to collect yourself again, you fall into oblivion.

**

Astarion is silent.

His nails pierce his scalp. His teeth are clenched. His eyes open wide as he stares at the wall.

The companions who murdered the necromancers ignore him, but he doesn't feel any hostility.

Just a spell. It happens.

"Astarion... Is this your name, right?" a young fighter approaches him. "You need to take a bath."

Astarion looks at himself. His clothes are covered in blood. Your blood.

"Tav will be fine. We have good healers here. Don't blame yourself."

As if enchanted again, Astarion walks away. In silence, he locks himself in the bathroom - a small wooden room with a tub full of hot water. But instead of putting off the dirty clothes, he submerges himself fully clothed.

The fabric clings to the body, and Astarion hugs his knees. The blood mixes with water.

His back hurts as if his scars are bleeding.

He doesn't know how long he spends there. An hour? A day? A week? The water is cold. but he can't care less still hearing your cries.

The door creaks, and he notices familiar soft steps.

"Astarion? Are you alright?"

He can't look at you. Can't make himself. Can't witness the damage he caused.

"I almost killed you, and you ask how I am doing?" his voice breaks.

"The necromancer almost killed me," you say firmly. "Not you. Hey, look at me!"

Your head is heavily bandaged. There are bruises all over your face, and he knows there is much more evidence of his violence below your shirt and trousers.

"It wasn’t you. It was them. You would never do this to me."

"I did."

"You didn't. Come on, take off your clothes. They’re all wet."

He wants to make you go, make you leave. He will be happy knowing you are somewhere safe and far from him.

You touch his neck, and he can't resist. Astarion allows you to pull off his shirt and then manages to take off the trousers as well. 

"I am sorry," he whispers.

"Don't." You start rubbing his back, and he flinches when your gentle fingers touch the edges of the scars.

"Tav... You need to rest..."

"Don't be selfish. I need this, too."

"What? Why?"

You take his chin and make him look up at you. "Because my body remembers you killing me. Because my subconscious tells me to run away. Because I remember these gentle hands of yours driving blades into my chest. I need to forget it before it's engraved forever. So please, don’t push me away. Not now..."

You keep rubbing his back, hands, and chest. You plant kisses on the clean skin. You wash his hair, stained blood, and gore, and make sure your touches are light and tender.

"If you want to talk about it, I am here. I know what exactly it reminded you of," you whisper in his ear.

And at that moment it's too much.

His body shudders as he starts crying, hiding his face from you in his palms. You drop the rags and wrap your hands around his neck.

You sit like that for an eternity, lulling each other until the healer starts banging into the door, demanding you to return to bed. You reluctantly let Astarion go.

You kiss him goodbye and leave, hoping the darkness won't hold his mind again, and he won't run away from you and his guilt.

**

The bed is comfortable as you lie motionless on a blanket. The healer did a great job patching you together. But you will need to fully recover. And gallons of healing potion.

Astarion enters the room. He wears fresh clothes, and if it wasn't for his facial expression, you could think nothing bad has happened.

"Come," you ask him. "I am sorry, but the night of passion isn't an offer today."

"Don't be ridiculous. How are you feeling?"

"Beaten. Wounded. Tired. And you?"

"Violated"

You both are silent. Finally, Astarion lies beside you and wraps his hands around you.

Your body stiffens against your will. Astarion feels it and tries to let you go.

"No. Hold me like that!"

He obliges and gently places your head on his chest. His cool skin feels nice.

Astarion loves me. He won't hurt me.

You repeat it like a prayer before finally being able to fully relax.

"I love you," he mutters. "I won't hurt you. You hear me?"

You nod.

"I love you, too," You smile, and your heart rejoices when he smiles back.

--

Tag list

@tugoslovenka @marcynomercy @wintersire @vixstarria @not-so-lost-after-all @ashiro20 @theearthsfinalconfession @herstxrgirl @starlight-ipomoea @micropoe10 @astarion-imagine-archive @veillsar @elora-the-slutty-songstress @fayeriess @lumienyx@astarion-beloved@tallymonster@caitlincat-95@tragedybunny @valeprati @lynnlovesthestars

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

yall goyim need to understand that antisemitism isnt just people being mean online and Ms. JK transphobia rowling having antisemitic tropes in her books. This is shit that happens online of course, just like any other form of bigotry, but it also happens to us in real life. antisemitic incidents can include, but arent limited to:

Defacing jewish symbols

Grafitti of antisemitic symbols

Insults appearances

Using antisemitic slurs

Stalking

Workplace discrimination

Housing discrimination

Education discrimination

Discrimination in mental health spaces

Discrimination in physical health spaces

General attacks on synagogues, chabad centers, and other jewish gatherings

Increased attacks on jewish gatherings during the high holidays

Bomb threats

Shooting threats (this may be a USA specific one if it is please let me know)

Sexual harassment

Sexual assault

Rape

Stabbings

Beatings

Bullying (physical, emotional, sexual)

Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual)

Being called pedophiles, rapists, baby killers, nazis, etc. (simply for being jewish not because we have shown any signs we are those things)

Insults based on various antisemitic tropes (blood libel, dual loyalty, Jews controlling the world, etc.)

doxxing

threatening family members and friends

property damage

a lot of other physical violence I didn't mention

targeting of jewish community leaders (esp rabbis)

isolation from the goyische world

chased out of our homes

forcing jews to assimilate

murder

desecrating jewish graves

mocking jews who have died

refusing to believe jewish victims of sexual assault

kidnapping

and probably more that i forgot! if you have anything to add and you're jewish pls do so

these are not rare occurences at all. I have had well over half of these happen to me personally or to a jew that i am very very close to, and I at least distantly know another jew who has experienced one of the others. This is a fucking terrifying thing to deal with and yall don't need to get it but you need to try to understand how bad it can get for us

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

all „advantages“ women face are a direct result from male actions and misogyny.

strangers trust women more.

well men pose the big majority of kidnappers, are more prone to random and brutal acts of violence, more likely to rob and and rape you. men are also more likely to inflict harm onto strangers. no wonder people tend to trust women more.

people trust women more around kids.

the vast vast majority of pedophiles are men, as well as the majority of child rapists and abusers, and the sexual violence they inflict tends to be more brutal. on top, women are raised to be more caring and maternal. no wonder people trust women more around kids.

people take womens mental issues more seriously.

i have to laugh. women have been called hysterical for centuries, have been lobotomised, institutionalised and abused for being uncomfortable, not even necessariy mentally ill, but also in those cases. and put under male conservatorship. men‘s biggest issue is that they are being taught not to open up about their feelings. and who is trying to make them open up more? women.

women are usually not drafted into the military.

who usually wages war? men. who overwhelmingly joins the military on a voluntary basis, when there is no draft? men. is the culture in the military open to women? only if they‘re prostitutes. men systemically rape women during war times. there is plenty, plenty of stories from women who did join the military and faced constant sexual harrassment and even sexual abuse. military is a men‘s club, because men made it so.

men die earlier.

and there is plenty of reasons for that, that are not women‘s fault. men tend to do more physical labour which is taxing to the body - but when women try to enter these male dominated fields, they face systematic harrassment, misogyny and abuse. men constantly communicate to women that we are too weak to do hard physical labour anyways, while simultaneously complaining we are not doing this. also men tend to exhibit more risky and self-damaging behavior, which is partly due to caring most about themselves, while women care about others like their families and kids more. men tend to die in accidents because they tend to cause accidents. etc

men kill themselves more.

yes, and they also kill others more. it is way more likely for a man to attempt to kill someone else than himself. also, this is not necessarily an indicator that men‘s mental health is worse; women attempt more often but choose less brutal methods, and murder-suicides are counted in those statistics as well as suicide to avoid accountability, usually for crimes.

women get more attention.

women get more SEXUAL and unwanted attention. our art, research, and other accomplishments on the other hand get way less attention and are sometimes even sold off as male accomplishments.

women are more believable victims.

if this was true, it might be due to the fact that women are victims more often than we are offenders: sexual or domestic violence especially. men also generally portray us as weaker. when women sexually assault men, it‘s usually less brutal, not in groups, and not random. male culture is based on portraying men as hypersexual, and men are the ones reinforcing this idea. men are still more likely to be sexually assaulted by other men. if you think that women have less shame to come forward about these experiences, it only shows your misogyny: you think women feel more comfortable being the victim because that is the role assigned to us socially, but then complain that we are allegedly believed more. women tend to doubt themselves more, and be doubted more as well.

[webanglikethat]

“Gabe wasn’t abusive enough”

as a victim of abuse myself, everyone complaining that Gabe is not ''abusive enough'' makes me SO fucking enraged. just because we don't see sally limping with a black eye while blood is rushing down her face, it does not mean she's not abused. one thing that is extremely important to recognize when it comes to abuse is that abuse can manifest in various forms -> including emotional, psychological, verbal, and financial abuse and even many more. it is not always visible or easily identifiable. abuse leaves scars that aren't always visible to the naked eye. stop pretending it is always black and white.

now to Gabe -> he is financially abusive: he is unemployed and seemingly devoid of any inclination towards responsibility. he shamelessly exploits Sally's hard-earned money and so, her efforts to secure a stable financial future for herself and Percy are callously disregarded as Gabe channels those funds into a destructive vortex of gambling.

-> he is verbally abusive to Percy: he always belittles him, undermining his self-esteem and sense of worth. Percy is barely twelve, living in a world that was not crafted for him, and he is trying to come to terms with that and there is Gabe, taking advantage of that. the psychological impact of Gabe's actions goes beyond mere verbal jabs; it seeps into the very fabric of Percy's self-concept. if you want to believe it or not.

-> he is okay with physical abuse: when Percy mentions he got kicked out for ´´assaulting a girl´´, instead of the expected concern or guidance everyone would expect from a normal person, Gabe's response is a simple yet chilling "okay," delivered with an almost impressed and approving tone. rather than condemning the use of physical force, Gabe's indifferent response basically indicates that he too would be okay with it and that perhaps, Percy's house isn't the safe place he thought it would be. (which we know is true, if you have read the books)

-> he is mentally abusive: HE answered Sally’s phone and spoke to the principal at Yancy. Gabe, ever the puppeteer, attempted //again// to extend his pathetic influence by seeking to control not only the household dynamics but also the very upbringing of Sally's son.

-> coercive control: Gabe is exerting control over the family's mobility by dictating access to the car. by making Sally negotiate, Gabe is asserting dominance and creating an environment where Sally feels compelled to seek his permission for everyday activities.

-> neglect: believe it or not, but failing to provide basic needs, including emotional support, is a form of abuse. Gabe's complete disregard for Percy's well-being is neglectful and abusive. period.

-> and I cannot believe that twelve year old Percy saw the red flags before some of you all -- who are grown adults -- did. Percy's recognition of the subtle manipulation tactics employed by Gabe literally showcase the emotional intelligence and observational skills that children can only develop when navigating difficult circumstances (shoutout to my psychology class).

and also, fuck you. what is abusive enough to you? as a survivor of abuse, I find this idea so fucking deeply troubling. what exactly constitutes 'abusive enough' to you? is it only valid if there's kicking or punching involved? let me be clear: abuse isn't just about physical violence. it is such a complex issue with many facets - emotional manipulation, verbal degradation, financial control, and psychological torment are all forms of abuse that can leave lasting scars. by suggesting Gabe needs to be 'more abusive,' you're unintentionally trivializing the experiences of countless abuse survivors whose abusers never laid a hand on them. this often prevents victims from seeking help. many abuse survivors struggle with self-doubt, wondering if their experiences 'count' because they don't match the extreme portrayals often seen in media. abuse isn't a spicy sauce you can just keep adding to until it burns. it’s not a competition to see who can be the most horrible human being possible. also how exactly are you measuring here? do you have a handy little scale? oh, he only emotionally devastated her today. that’a like, a 3 out of 10 on the abuse-o-meter. needs more punching!' Newsflash: abuse isn't some kind of a spectator sport. it’s not here for your entertainment or to meet your arbitrary standards of 'enough.'

so you know what? I think TV shows need more representation like this. the portrayal of Gabe as an abuser who initially appears harmless and quite stupid aligns with the reality of many abusive relationships because contrary to popular perceptions, abuse doesn't always manifest in blatant physical aggression or explicit threats. more often than not, it takes on subtler forms, such as psychological, emotional, or financial manipulation (as I already mentioned).

and I am so proud that the show chose this narrative path because it sheds light on the less-discussed aspects of abuse. in my opinion, the show proves to be a valuable resource by deviating from conventional tropes in its portrayal. victims often hesitate to seek help when their experiences deviate from the expected narrative, and bystanders may struggle to recognize the more subtle aspects of abuse, perpetuating a culture of silence and impunity for abusers. so good job to the percy jackson directors, you got my respect. <3