#when we could just talk about like fucking loving ourselves properly

[fairiencarnate]

I used to love those anti diet posts that were like "eat that cake. eat that chocolate. do what feels good babe" because they enabled me to keep harming my vital organs. Now they make me want to scream bc like girl I would LOVE to. I'm fighting the urge every second. But I would sugar dose myself into a diabetic coma if I just did what felt good. I would bleed myself into iron deficiency if I did what felt good. Doing what feels good would cause some of my favourite organs to stop functioning. It's made me realize... Doing what feels good is a privilege not all are blessed with.

[louvemione]

illicit affairs (part two) — d. malfoy (draco's pov)

synopsis : Draco watched as Y/n slowly walked out of his life and wonders why their relationship is considered illicit.

warning/s : angst, fluff if you squint hard enough, profanity, written in first person, pureblood! reader (this isn't really important & would only be implied)

author's note : like promised, here is part two of illicit affairs 🥳 but i feel like i didn't write it properly 🥲 hopefully, you guys get the message i'm trying to get through!

<- part one | part three ->

leave the perfume on the shelf

that you picked out just for him

sixth year

"why is it that you no longer wear your signature perfume? I used to love it" that was probably a dumb and unnecessary question to ask

but can you blame me? I just need the slightest reasons and I would gladly start a conversation with her. as crazy as it sounds, I'd most definitely take every opportunity to talk to her.

she was silent for a moment, luckily it was only us sitting by the fire, "there's absolutely no reason for me to wear it but i'm glad you loved it"

i hate this. i hate the awkward silence between me and her, i hate that she's distancing herself from me and i hate that i am pretty much aware of it, i hate not being able to tell her how much i adore her, i hate not being true to myself, i hate—

"i'll go to my dorms now, it was nice talking to you" she didn't wait for my response and continued to walk to her dormitory, i hate when she's formal, it's as if we weren't friends.

so you leave no trace behind

like you don't even exist

"good morning!" I say, rather awkwardly than I hoped for it to

"hello, Draco" she smiled and walked past me

I watched her retreating figure like I always do now that she tries to cut every interaction short.

I hate it.

I hate it when she acts as if nothing ever happened between us. I hate that she no longer wears her perfume. I hate that she's slowly starting to slip past my finger tips.

I fucking hate it.

because she was leaving my life, slowly. so slow that I could see her disappear bit by bit. like, she was packing her things to move else where.

from her presence, to her perfume. it's as if she never even existed with how carefully everything connecting to her disappeared from my life.

take the words for what they are

a dwindling, mercurial high

"you look gorgeous" I whispered, hoping that it was loud enough for y/n to hear, hoping that she knew that it was directed at her, not Astoria.

I felt guilty for dancing with my soon-to-be wife and wishing it was y/n I'm holding.

soon enough, when Harry and Y/n stopped dancing, I excused myself.

"I'll go out for a moment" not waiting for Astoria's reply, I started walking away. I walked behind Y/n, grazing my hand against her waist in the process, hoping that she gets the message.

and that's how we ended up in the restricted section of the library, where we spent the next hour hugging and exchanging kisses and i love you's while looking through the different books in the shelves.

i love you, looking back, I started to wonder whether or not she took my words seriously.

"impossible! he can't...actually mean it!"

but according to the conversation I overheard, she took it as a dwindling, mercurial high.

a drug that only worked

"we're okay, we'll figure this out together, but let's not think of that for now" my kisses were denied when she pushed my head away and sat up.

"we all know we can't do anything about it" she argued and pushed me off, "listen, baby, we shouldn't restrict ourselves from loving who we want and I definitely won't spend my life married to someone I don't love, so believe me, I'll do something about it"

"but you two are set for marriage—"

"but I love you, not her" she stayed silent and I smiled, "so, do you trust me?"

"yeah, of course, I do"

the first few hundred times

"do you not trust me?!"

"NO! I FUCKING DON'T!"

and that's the thing about illicit affairs

and clandestine meetings and stolen stares

illicit? our relationship is nowhere near illicit.

it's not wrong to love someone, what's wrong is to pretend to love someone.

if it were Astoria I'm in a relationship with, that's illicit. but y/n? why would our relationship be illicit? because I'm bound to marry someone I don't want to marry?

"you okay, mate?" only then did I realize that I have been gripping my knife so tightly as I watched as she laughed with Saint Potter.

"we know you've been...feeling bad since she ended things with you but—"

"I just don't understand! why now? why—"

"why not now, Draco? did you think she'd want to wait 'til your wedding before breaking it off?"

"there will be no wedding!"

"oh I wouldn't be so sure if I were you" Daphne says, "my mum wrote to me this morning and mentioned that they might start planning yours and Astoria's wedding, if I were you, I'd start getting into action"

I spent the rest of supper thinking and secretly staring at y/n, who seemed to be doing the same.

they show their truth one single time

"i love you"

but they lie, and they lie, and they lie

"do you love me, still?" I say, not too bothered by the students who I knew were eavesdropping in our conversation

"as a friend, yeah"

we both know she's lying. and I know she's aware of the fact that I know she's lying.

a million little times

© louvemione on tumblr | do not steal, copy, translate or repost

[sophswritingthings]

Ilysm for indulging into my ideas AND I HAVE MORE (consequences of character ai).

So imagine Mizu and her Apothecary Wife are in another random place together looking for directions to wherever and they tried to get directions from a brothel which of course the prostitutes tried getting Mizu inside which made Mizus wife jealous and glare at the prostitutes. (And do things that jealous women do 😍😍😍)

pairing: mizu x fem!apothecary!reader

warning(s): swearing, mentions of prostitution/sex work

a/n: ANON CAN WE BE BEST FRIENDS PLEASE. A FELLOW CHARACTER AI ENJOYER (reader refers to mizu as a man; as do others) 

summary: you very protective over your wife, just as she is you. that causes you to get jealous rather easily. especially when other women are trying to fuck your wife.

word count: 891 words / 4,653 characters

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it had been a few days since you’d been injured; and mizu had been watching your every move. you were pretty sure you hadn’t been five feet away from her since it happened.

“my love..”

you sigh. not that you didn’t like Mizu’s protection, her love, her touch. but you had healed almost fully; your wound was never deep. it was never something that was going to kill you, if treated properly. and it had been, you and mizu both had been able to nurse yourself to health.

“I know what you were going to say,” she replies. “I know you can take care of yourself, (y/n), but I am not taking my chances on your injury again.”

you nod a little. at least she acknowledged it.

“you worry about me, mizu, I know you do. I worry about you, too,” you gently brush a hand across her face. “but we are both more than capable of taking care of ourselves, aren’t we?”

she sighs. her arm releases from your waist.

“yes, we are,” she gently ruffled your hair, running a hand through it—it was soft as silk. “It is part of why I love you so goddamn much.”

you press a soft kiss against her shoulder, “as do I.”

she just wanted to kiss you and never stop; kiss you until she was gasping for air. but in the middle of the towns square.. probably wasn’t the most appropriate place for that.

you noticed the way you were walking. a brothel. a fucking brothel, of all places.

“mizu, why are we going inside a brothel?” not that you didn’t like the women inside; they were honest women doing their honest work. It was one of their only options. but these woman.. being all over her wife..

“I need to speak with madam kaji,” she glanced at you. “and this happens to be where she resides.”

she could see you growing jealous. It was a bit amusing, to her, almost.

you two slip inside, immediately being bombarded by naked men and women. the women weren’t so bad; but you both seemed repulsed at seeing the naked men.

you glance at each other, laughing a little before continuing your quest inside.

you stop at the counter, allowing your wife to do all the talking.

“listen, sir, you cannot just come in here and ask to speak with madam kaji. her clients make appointments months in advance.” the man at the counter looks mizu up and down, “or have you brought her a woman with a contract she should be most interested in?”

mizu grabbed the man by his collar, out if instinct. she flicked down her glasses just a bit, revealing those stone cold blue eyes.

“I did not bring my wife to offer her to a brothel. have you shit for brains?”

she hisses, seeing the man repulsed and terrified at the blue pigment of her eyes. “I have come to speak with madam kaji. Is that so goddamned hard?”

the man looked to be trying to escape mizu’s grasp. though his attempts came to no avail.

“okay, okay! wait in there,” he finally conceded, mizu tossing him back and onto his ass.

she grabbed your hand, leading you inside and past the man. you settle in the corner of the brothel, being approached by two women.

“you seem tense, sir…” they are sat on either side of her, one with a hand under mizu’s chin. “let us help you relax, hmmm?”

“excuse me!” you grasp one of their hands, “get your dirty hands off my husband.”

they look at you in disgust. a wounded woman with a dirty kimono and hair undone.. married to a samurai.

“hmph,” they scoff, they turn back to mizu. “why don’t we show you what real women could give you, hm?”

mizu narrowed her eyes, “thank you, but I was occupied with my wife.” she glanced at you, “whatever you can offer I am sure she could provide me with if I so ask.”

that makes you blush a little. it wasn’t… wrong, but whenever the two of you had sex she was definitely in control—not the other way around.

they roll their eyes, sweeping out of the room to find a man who would be so easy to fall all over them—married or not.

she scoffs, a small smirk plastered on her face as she still sees you glaring at them.

“what? they were placing their hands all over you! my wife,” you say ‘wife’ in a more hushed tone, seeing as nobody but you knew she was a woman. “I have every right to say something.”

she nods a bit, resting her head against the wall.

“I am aware. but it’s cute to see you get all protective over me, my love.” she chuckled a little.

“whatever,” you rest your head against her shoulder, feeling her hand ruffle through your hair.

“you do know that I will never leave you for anyone else, don’t you?” she whispers to you, pressing a soft kiss against the top of your head. “you have my heart and soul.”

her words warm your heart. you tuck your head into her shoulder, smiling softly. 

“I am as devoted to you as you are to me. you must promise to never leave my side, mizu.”

“I promise, my love.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: oooohhhh that is a promise you cannot keep you DUMBASS. also, I will indulge in this as long a you keep handing it to be. I LOVE IT

[composeregg]

wanted to join in on that meta post by saying yeah, even if we view joker’s and akechi’s relationship as special compared to the others, akechi is still written under the constraints of p5, and an antagonist to boot. like. vanilla had his confidant as automatic bc (iirc) they thought they couldn’t fit it in properly! which is crazy, even tho the automatic rank ups have an interesting implication (such as, akechi will always be rank 10 by the end no matter what you do). i understand that ppl probably wanted someone to talk sense into the thieves for their unwittingly callous actions, but not by the guy who decided to go thru with his 11/20 plan lol

(this post)

YEAH like, I love Akechi. I adore him. But I have SO many OPINIONS about this mans. like. I'm not going berate anyone for how they write characters, that's the freedom of fandom, but I am going to stand over here with my opinions and contrary thoughts and chitchat about them in my space

I know that very often it is because people want someone to refute what canon has shown us (because canon's writing disagrees with it's desired goals as mentioned in that post). They want someone to go "Look at Joker, look at what's happened to him, don't you care? How risky this was?"

But okay I'm actually going to back up a bit!

(this got long)

What other choice was there for 11/20?

Because the answer is not "they could have taken Akechi in a fight."

The goals of the interrogation room/metaverse plan:

Escape with Joker alive

Trick Shido and the conspiracy into believing Joker has died

and you know? you know? you cannot do that latter bullet point if you just beat up Akechi

So enlighten me. How, exactly, were the thieves supposed to come up with a different plan in under 20 days? One where Joker would live, where the conspiracy would believe he had died, and importantly, one that at that point in time cannot count on Akechi being a turncoat. They have no reason to trust that he would

"Don't you care about how risky this was? There had to have been other ways."

We don't get Shido's name as Akechi's employer here until after the phonecall reporting the death, I believe. They cannot change Shido's heart in time to avert this because they do not have the information. The interrogation room plan, genuinely, was one of the smartest ideas they had. It accomplished exactly what they needed to. These are teens in a life-or-death situation, who notoriously have MANY trust issues with adults for good reason, especially since society is so corrupt that a hitman can easily walk into a police department and assassinate a high-profile criminal and get away with it with help (remember the guard at the door?) The other options are basically "change your identity and flee the country" or "literally actually die" lets be real here!

SO

Akechi, let's be honest with ourselves here, would primarily be pissed off that the thieves got one over on him! And if he is concerned about the lasting trauma of it all, or how risky the plan was, he is seeing this and approaching it from the angle of knowing it worked.

(Better options for sense-talking: Sojiro! Sojiro is right there! Takemi! Iwai! Kawakami! Yoshida! All important responsible adult figures to Joker and at least some of the thieves.)

In my opinion if Akechi wants to snark at the thieves about the plan in any way regarding how much it fucks up Joker and how it was risky, they are more than allowed to fire back shots at him for making it necessary and shooting Joker in the head in the first place.

I think people often use it as a shorthand, to show that Akechi cares about Joker, but also as a way to emphasize the importance of Akechi to Joker (compared to the rest of the thieves). It's easier to ignore the fact that he killed two of the thieves's parents when it comes to Joker being in a relationship with him, as long as it can be shown that he's the one that really cares. That he wouldn't put Joker through something so fucked up with his care (hilarious, laughable, he shot Joker in the head). It separates "Akechi and Joker" from all the phantom thieves in a way.

(Honestly sometimes it feels like ship bashing/character bashing but for ALL the phantom thieves with how intensely some people write it! beyond even the point of exploring Atlus fucking up characterization to pretend to have a blank slate silent protag)

BUT like I said in the post, it also points out a major flaw with convincing players that the rest of the thieves DO care in the game. Because the thieves are never really given a chance to show that. It's implied, and it's clear the game wants you to believe they care, but we don't get scenes addressing specific stuff like this enough.

Joker is confident, and cocky, we see that with that bastard smile in the interrogation room after getting "shot" in those cutscenes. It is genuinely a plan to be proud of, and it hails back to his original persona being Arsène. Arsène, who escaped from prison simply by disguising himself and pretending he had already escaped and put a body double in his place. Arsène, who pulled off a robbery while in jail. Arrogant and self-assured and cocky, the interrogation room plan is genuinely something the likes that would be worthy of Arsène's name.

He can be proud of the plan, and also traumatized by it. But he actively agreed to this plan, probably helped come up with it (where does everyone get the idea that it was Makoto's plan? genuine question). Joker is not a hapless victim of other's whims, he also had agency. So many of the parallels between Joker and Akechi are how they exercise what agency they have while being stripped of traditional power and victimized by society.

Honestly? Honestly? In my personal opinion, having Akechi berate the thieves for the plan is disrespectful to his rivalry with Joker, along with his own characterization.

He holds Joker as his equal. Equal in agency, in skill. If he looks at Joker and says, "why would you go along with such a foolish plan?" if he looks at the thieves and says "why would you ever put your precious leader through this?" he is taking away Joker's agency and choices. One of Akechi's focal points is agency. If he sees Joker as equal in this, and he denies Joker his agency, he is also taking it away from himself.

Akechi's cocktail of emotions regarding the assassination can manifest in so many different ways, and he can translate that to anger at the thieves rather than himself for putting Joker through that, but that would be his emotions regarding himself being misdirected more than anything.

Akechi has too much respect for Joker to deny Joker his agency in a plan that was good enough to fool him.

Respecting agency and admiring a brilliantly crafted plan also doesn't mean ignoring trauma that ocurred from actions taken under duress.

(At least, it doesn't mean that as long as you're not Atlus)

[heyidkyay]

And if it weren't this dark |

(Tip of the tongue but I can't deliver it properly)

Part One

A/N: hey, a short Alex one for you! it's been in my drafts for a while now, and isn't proofread but I figured I'd just post it and see if anyone likes it, first time writing for him so bare with me..

Summary: You and Alex have been together for ages and it's been so incredible, only now things have changed and you're struggling to tell him just how you feel.

Warning: angst- but also a bit of fluff so, lack of communication

Part Two

--

I’d been dropping hints.

JESUS CHRIST had I been dropping hints.

There wasn’t a day gone by that I hadn’t thought about it finally happening. But as I mentioned, I’d been dropping hints only, they hadn’t been hitting.

So either I was relatively shit at this whole charade or… Alex was just utterly clueless.

I was leaning more towards the latter. But maybe I was simply biased, because over the last coming weeks my hints hadn’t been all that subtle.

I mean, only the other day we’d been on the way to my sister’s house for tea- she’d recently gotten engaged and mum had wanted to celebrate the only way my family really knew how. With good food. 

But neither Alex or I had remembered to pick up the wine we’d promised beforehand, and so we’d popped into the local Tesco’s on the drive over to pick up a few bottles. And whilst we’d been perusing- as you do- we’d somehow found ourselves wandering down the baby aisle.

Yes, the baby aisle. Because that was what I’d been waiting on. A baby. Or rather, a fucking good shag that then led to a baby.

Because, let’s be honest, I really wasn’t one to turn down a good time, far from, but these last few weeks there had been something else I’d been rather hoping for.

Everyone (and I mean everyone!!) around us was either settling down, buying homes, building families, or getting engaged. And Alex and I, well we’d been together for years and yet, nothing.

No ring. No big day planned. No talks of the future. Nada.

Nothing.

And I could honestly say that I wasn’t the type that needed that kind of security voiced or announced.

Truly. 

When Alex and I had first gotten together, I’d only realised that we were properly seeing each other when some other lad at a house party had tried to pull me. I’d never seen Alex so possessive, and it had been proper cute and a tad bit funny in the moment. He’d ‘staked his claim’- how cliche and chauvinistic, yes I know- but that was what had quickly taken us from Y/n and Alex, to Y/nandAlex. Which had suited me quite fine.

So yeah, him and I, since then had always sort of relied on our actions to simply show how we were feeling. 

Like when we’d first moved in together. There’d not been much of a discussion about it, my flat had quickly become the first place Alex would come back to after touring, his stuff had just started taking up space- washing in the dryer, dirty trainers in the hallway- and then he’d started calling it home. ‘Let’s head home, shall we?’ and ‘We’ll be home soon, darling.’ 

And that was all lovely. I adored having that kind of connection with him. 

But there were times when I desperately wished he would open up a little more about what he was thinking. Because although I could read him like an open book most days- his emotions especially- there were far and few times in between when I just felt so lost.

Like recently, I supposed.

I feel like we’ve been on the same page for so long, only now I’m ready to turn anew, start another chapter. Together.

But Alex? I have no fucking clue what he wants.

In all honesty, I think he’d be rather content to just carry on as we have been for the rest of eternity. No talk, no hashing things out. Have Christmas dinner with his parents, spend Boxing Day with mine. New Years in London, back home in time for spring. Same order from the local kebab, Friday nights stay reserved for one another.

And that would be it.

Lost to this routine.

Not that I was expecting a proposal or some grand gesture. I wasn’t much into the idea of any of that! No, just- I wanted more, you know?

I wanted that family I’d always dreamt about, that house we’d quickly make a home. I wanted nappies and nightly feeds, baby-grows which then turned into dungarees. Ten tiny little toes, someone with a cute button nose, a person made up of both him and I. 

But I just didn’t know when that would happen, or if it ever would.

So yeah- Tesco’s. Fuck, did I love to ramble! If Alex could only hear me now I supposed. 

So, as I was saying, we’d been stood in the baby aisle, Alex scrolling through his phone aimlessly, waiting for my dad to text him back a reply after we’d asked if they’d needed anything else whilst we were out. And me, staring starry eyed at the tiny socks and mittens and cute little newborn tees that were on display.

I’d said to him, almost thoughtlessly, “Imagine us having to buy all this. All these tiny little things.”

He’d just glanced up at me, smiled, hummed. Then replied, “Your dad asked if you’d pick him up some of that heartburn medication he buys. Says his acid reflux is playing up again.”

And hadn’t that just been grand? Mentioning my father’s gastrointestinal issues whilst we’d been stood surrounded by adorable little baby items, with me unsubtly referencing the image of US buying some for OUR child in the (now very obvious and very, very far) future.

Incredibly clued in, my Alex.

That hadn’t even been the worst of it though.

A few weeks back, my friend had mentioned that her and her fiancé were actively trying to conceive and I’d been so over the moon for the pair of them. All excited about the chance of having another baby to spoil rotten.

And Alex, he had been all smiles whilst congratulating them, sat comfortably beside me, but when I’d brought it up again on the drive home, he’d simply shrugged it off as though it was a thing that occurred every other day. 

Your mates starting a family. Nothing too out of the ordinary there, at least not to Alex. 

It had royally pissed me off in truth.

And I’d been a little off with him ever since, I think he knew it too.

“Love?”

I blinked out of the daze I’d let myself get lost in and looked away from the laptop screen I’d been staring at for the last, however long. I hummed quietly to him in reply, titling my head against the cushions and over towards where he was stood in the doorway.

“Been calling your name for a while now, you alright?” He quirked a brow up at me, a smug little smile limning his lips as he leant against the frame. He didn’t even know how good he looked. 

I nodded with a small smile then glanced away, back towards the email I’d just been typing. “‘M fine. Just need to get this done.”

Alex said nothing but I heard the soft shuffle of his socked feet across our wooden floors before the settee dipped beside me. He rested his chin against my shoulder, peering down at the screen.

“Just wanted to know what you fancied for tea.” Alex murmured, breath brushing against the skin of my neck. I withheld a shiver. “Figured we could order from that place round the corner.”

I rolled my lip against the other, pushing my glasses up my nose before I wrote another passage, honing all of my focus on finishing this email so that I could finally just relax for the evening.

“Whatever you want, Al. I’m not all that fussed.”

Alex leant away from me slightly, back pressing against the settee cushions, he stayed that way for a while and I could feel his presence as I continued to type away. It was only a short time later that I grinned triumphantly down at the laptop and clicked send, thankful to have it gone and out of my mind.

“All done, cherry?”

Smiling at the familiar petname, my eyes flickered over towards him. I took in the woollen jumper he wore, as well as his hair which was tousled and unkept, probably from having run his hands through it all day. I was only just able to stop myself from reaching out to tangle my fingers in it, wanting to smooth it over. 

“All done.” I murmured faintly and gifted him a tired smile.

Alex was the type to take something and run with it though, so I wasn’t all that surprised when he grinned right back at me and extended a hand out to cradle my left cheek. I leaned into his warmth for a second, allowing his thumb to brush the skin under my eye, probably from where today’s makeup had just begun to smudge. 

I inhaled after and slowly pulled away. Not paying much mind to the way Alex slumped slightly and instead opting to busy myself with putting away my laptop and clearing up the mess I’d made of the coffee table. 

I did it all quietly, picking up the two mugs of tea I’d made, one empty, the other barely touched from where I’d forgotten about it, whilst Alex watched on. The tele remote was perched on the very edge of the table and so I tossed it over towards him, padding my way into the kitchen.

“Put something on, will you? Think there’s a good film on Channel 5.” I prompted over my shoulder, glancing at him through the tramson window that had been installed shortly after the sink had sprung a leak during last tour and flooded the flat, forcing us to make do whilst the owner had remodelled.

Pressing the power up button, Alex flipped the remote around in his hand a couple of times, he looked deep in thought and so I left him be, choosing to wash up the two mugs as well as the few stray knives and forks which littered the basin. 

I hummed quietly to myself, an old song I could hardly recall the lyrics of, whilst I worked, thinking about the many things I had to get done before the weekend started. 

It was Alex’s voice which startled me from my musings actually. He was so much closer now than he’d been before when he spoke up again, I'd obviously not heard his approach.

“So, tea?” Alex questioned me with a slight furrow between his brows, he’d propped himself up against the kitchen counter about an arms width away.

“God, Al! What are you- a wraith? Don’t sneak up on me like that!” I scolded, having jumped out of my skin. I took a deep breath. “Could’ve had a heart attack or something over the kitchen sink.”

Alex chuckled lowly at me, clearly amused by my reaction, he shook his head. “Make headlines, you- woman dies whilst doing the washing up! Reckon it’ll lead to a riot- start up a petition that’ll change the way we wash dishes forever.”

I rolled my eyes, flicking a few soap duds at him in retaliation which only made him reach out towards me. I tried to evade him but he was too quick, sweeping and wrapping me up in his arms so that I couldn’t proceed to splash him any further.

“You always been this much of a weirdo?” I huffed, not making much of an effort to escape his hold even as I struggled to blow a strand of hair out of my face. 

He hummed, smiling down at me as we begun to sway. “Might’ve been. No getting rid of me now that you’ve finally realised it though.”

I playfully winced in retort, forcing out a loud put-upon sigh. “Should’ve just kept quiet and slipped out once you’d fallen asleep watching the tele.”

Alex narrowed his eyes at me, tugging me in tighter. “As if you would.” He taunted.

I simply smirked in retort and let my damp hands work their way under the soft material of his jumper. I cackled loudly at the way he shivered and jumped away from me like a frightened cat during a thunderstorm.

“Ah, you’re in for it!” Alex declared, his face a right picture.

Quick as I could, I dived to my left so that I could position the kitchen counter between us, bracing myself against it to grin over at him. “Should’ve thought twice about that before telling me what to do, Turner.”

“Minx.” Alex smirked, and then he pounced.

We spent the next however long running about the flat after that. 

He’d somehow been able to grab at me in the hallway but I’d thankfully managed to wrangle my way out of his hold, sprinting into our room to use the bed to my advantage. I rolled over it, putting a dent in the freshly made sheets but using the spare moment to take a couple- much needed- deep breaths whilst Alex waltzed slowly inside. I scowled when the door closed behind him. He flashed me a victorious smile.

“Unfair. I’m at a disadvantage.” I pouted, hoping it would soften him slightly. But when that didn’t work I resorted back to a narrow eyed glare. “Open the door, Alex.”

“I don’t think so, Angel-face. You see, I’ve got you cornered.”

I looked for another escape, Alex only growing nearer, but my only options were limited. I could either goad him and then dart towards the door, or dive out the window. 

Seeing as though I didn’t much fancy breaking my neck, I opted for the former.

“Come on, Al.” I chuckled breathlessly, perching precariously on the edge of the mattress in hopes of lowering his defences a little. “We’ve had fun, but I’m proper knackered now. Call it quits so we can have a cuddle?”

Alex glanced over at me warily, he knew me far too well but appeared to be on the verge of agreement. He slowly made his way over towards the bed, shoulders hunched, still on his guard. 

“Promise?”

I hummed my vague assent, smiling up at him softly.

He paused with squinted eyes, “You’ve gotta verbalise it, love. Don’t count otherwise.”

I tilted my head up at him, feigning confusion. But we both knew I wouldn’t say it unless I really meant it. I kept my word.

That little flaw of mine seemed to trip me up though, and we both realised it at the same time too. So as I manoeuvred my way towards the door- feeling like Kim Possible, might I add- Alex was already in motion, catching me by the hips before I could even surpass the foot of the bed.

“Alex!” I screamed, only growing louder when he threw me over his shoulder and span us around. “Put me down! Now!”

“I fucking knew it!” Alex laughed merrily, bouncing me about the place. I swatted at his back unhappily, starting to feel my stomach in my throat. “Knew you’d try something.”

“Yeah, yeah… proper clever, you. Can you put me fucking down now? Think I’m gonna yosh.”

I could only roll my eyes when he dropped me on my arse, although thankfully it was on the mattress. Huffing, I fought to tame the mess he’d probably made of my hair.

“Twat.”

Alex merely chuckled, leaning in close to tuck a strand of stray hair behind my ear. I smiled when he pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“Hm, so you say.” I replied, peering up at him from where he towered over me, his hand falling to frame my jaw.

He leant in again, smiling as his lips met mine. “Had to show you who’s boss, didn’t I? Couldn’t let you get away with that.”

I gave an airy titter, pushing him away so that I could pull myself to my feet. “I could’ve had you on your arse the second you strolled in here, was just playing fair.”

He caught my wrist before I could retreat back into the living room, encasing my hand in his. I frowned slightly, looking back at him, mainly confused.

“What’s up?” I questioned him. His brown eyes flickered back and forth between my own, he looked conflicted all of a sudden, it was something you didn’t see on Alex too often which caused my frown to deepen, “Alex?” I prodded.

A small sigh escaped him and his gaze fell towards our joined hands, I let my thumb brush against the back of his own, wanting to reassure him in some way.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” I asked again, stepping closer. My other hand braced his forearm.

Alex’s eyes found mine once more and I didn’t think I had ever seen him this torn up. It threw me a bit, his demeanour had changed so quickly, it was like he’d done a total one-eighty on me.

“Think I should be asking you that question.”

I frowned at Alex’s vague reply.

“What do you mean? I’m fine, Alex. Annoyed that you won, but I’ll get you the next time.” I assured him, chuckling softly at the end. But it didn’t seem to do much.

Alex just shook his head, stepping away towards the window. He dragged a hand across his face, rubbing at his chin whilst he gazed down at the street below. 

“Al…” I tried. “Alex. Will you look at me?”

His eyes fell shut, he squeezed them as though he was trying to sort through a messy array of thoughts, of emotions.

Then he sighed. “I just don’t get you sometimes. One second you’re off with me, hardly even have the time to spare a glance my way. Then the next, we’re as happy as Larry, dancing about the kitchen, play-fighting, laughing.”

I had to look away, down towards my feet as a surge of guilt rippled through me. It wasn’t Alex’s fault that he had no idea about all the thoughts that were raging about inside my head. It wasn’t his fault that I was too scared to just come out with it. To tell him what I so does wanted. To just talk to him. 

None of the blame was on him and yet, I’d still placed it all there.

“I’m sorry.” I said, slumping down onto the edge of the mattress with a sigh. My eyes trailed over to find him staring back, his face gave nothing away. “I’ve been an utter twat. And I’ve been so fucking unfair to you. I- I don’t know, Al. I’ve just been struggling with a lot lately. But it really is nothing that you’ve done.”

Alex released a long breath, thumbing the bridge of his nose before he walked towards the bed, taking a seat beside me. We sat there in silence for a few moments, I could feel my heart hammering in my throat. Because it really was now or never. I either told him or… I got over myself. And nothing would change.

“You say you’ve been struggling.”

I angled my head over towards him upon hearing his words, Alex continued to look onwards though, his hands clasped between his knees.

He looked a lot older in that moment, and it reminded me of just how long we’d been together. I could recall a similar moment we’d shared well over a decade ago now, just before the band’s very first London gig.

Alex had spent weeks torturing himself over it, figuring that they’d be wasting their time playing to an empty room. 

It had been the night before they’d been set to leave when he’d come round mine. It’d been late. Really late, as in only mere hours before the train he’d been expected on was set to depart. 

It had just been the two of us. But that hadn’t ever been an unusual occurrence. We’d sat in silence together for a longwhile on my messy bedsheets- he’d always been the type to struggle with words. Strange for a songwriter, yeah, but unless they were accompanied by a couple chords then Alex could honestly spend a millennia searching for the right ones to use if you’d let him. 

He had spoken up eventually though. Told me what was bugging him. And I’d been the one to try and right every bad thought he’d had. Dull his racing mind. 

I’d always very much doubted his fears, about no one wanting to listen to their music outside of Sheffield. Outside of the safety net we’d grown up in. But Alex was as stubborn as I was, and so we’d spent a lot of late nights arguing about it. We’d always make up for it though come morning. 

And Alex had gone, obviously. I’d been one of the few to see the band off that morning, waving goodbye even as the train blurred and disappeared out of sight. He’d phoned me later that night after the gig, I’d heard his smile, he’d gone on this long rant about how wrong he’d been. Because the pillock had only gone and gotten carried around the venue on a sea of hands, hadn’t he?

This moment didn’t feel quite the same though. Because these fears I’d been facing, well they didn’t threaten anything outside of the four walls we’d carved for ourselves. If I told him how I felt, there was a very big chance that he might not feel the same, want the same. There was a very real chance he could just walk away.

“If it’s been so bad. Why didn’t you just come to me?” Alex asked and his eyes found mine then, that warm brown of his appeared so oddly defeated. So much so, I struggled to find a reply. 

“Just come out with it. Please. ‘Cause all this up and down, and back and forth. I don’t know if I can take much more. It’s been driving me round the bend. I hate reaching out towards you and feeling you pull further away. Kills me. Hate feeling like there’s something standing between us. ‘Cause it’s never been that way. Not with me and you.”

My throat grew tight with tears, but I wouldn’t cry, not now. Not when it was me who had caused all this.

“I know.” I had to take a deep breath to keep them at bay. To hide the strain in my voice. I pivoted so that my knee folded beneath me and I could really see his face. He followed, taking ahold of my hands. “I know, and I am sorry. Truly. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier. That I let it get this bad. That I let you get so torn up. I didn’t even realise.”

Alex pulled me into an embrace, hand holding the back of my neck as I buried my face in his. Because that was the man Alex was, he put me above everything else. Including himself.

“It’s fine, sweetheart.” He hushed, thumb brushing over the top of my spine. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”

I did know that. But still.

“I don’t want to lose you, Alex.”

That probably hadn’t been the best thing to say. Alex all but flung himself back, alarm swimming in his eyes as he levelled me with a long look.

“Lose me? What’s that meant to mean? Why would you lose me?”

A tear fell then, followed by a couple more. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, willing them away, hating the thought of seeing him so distraught.

“Y/n. Love. Please, you’re actually beginning to scare me now. Tell me what’s happened.”

I tried to look away. I didn’t want to do this, not here not now, but his fingers grasped my chin, tugging me back to face him.

A sob spilled from my lips and I crumpled slightly, his hands jumped up to my shoulders, struggling to hold me up.

“What could have you this worked up?” He stressed, shaking me slightly. “Just tell me, because all the fucking things I’ve got racing through my head. I- Put me out of my misery at least. Please.”

It took all the strength I had to peer up at him, eyes red and raw. “I want more, Alex. I want more than just this.”

After I’d said it, I wanted to take all my words back. The hurt that flashed across his face felt like a sharp slap to mine. He started to move, to stand. And I realised he was about to leave.

“Al. Alex.” I called, tried. Clutching at his arm. “Alex, please! Just listen, will you?”

He wasn’t having it. Shaking his head at me as he stormed his way out of the bedroom.

“I can’t believe you’ve just said that.”

It was like a punch to the gut, hearing the upset that lined his voice. His back was to me as I chased after him, I’d ever seen him like this.

“I didn’t mean it! Not like that! Not in the way it sounded.”

“Like fuck you didn’t mean it, Y/n!” Alex shouted, and I caught a glimpse of his face when he went to tug his jacket off the hanger by the front door. 

I could count the times I’d seen Alex cry on one hand. But right then, there were tears in his eyes.

“Alex.” I pleaded with him.

A deathly silence fell between us, I watched his shoulders sag before he turned back around towards me. I wanted nothing more than to hold him again. Take away all his pain, the pain I’d caused.

“If you leave right now, I’ll never forgive you.” I choked out, “Please don’t leave. Please.”

He stared at me. Long and hard.

“Tell me the truth then.”

His voice was nothing but a strained whisper. He looked so tired, arms slumped helplessly by his sides.

I swallowed thickly. Hands fisted against my chest.

Alex scoffed at me then and ran a hand over his face, rubbing at his stinging eyes. He shook his head and went for the latch.

I felt my eyes fall close. It was now or never, I supposed. He was leaving either way.

“I want a baby, Alex.”

[acorpsecalledcorva]

I've tried to write about this a couple times now academically, then in a funny jokey way, but the problem is I'm trying to rationalise a personal topic to justify it and make it more general but honestly it keeps ending up being fakeclaimy, perhaps in a way that deflects from me so fuck it, here goes.

My trauma memories are wrong. And that's okay.

With all the talk about the false memory syndrome and the sociocognitive model I find myself in an interesting position where I wholeheartedly disagree with the False Memory Syndrome proponents attempts to discredit DID as a diagnosis whilst having false memories very much be a part of my diagnosis, with sociocognitive elements influencing both my false trauma memories and my presentation of DID (not it's cause, just how it manifested at times).

And the key issue is metacognition and world beliefs, a growing area of research in the trauma and dissociation field. It basically goes that humans are incredibly narrative in nature. Our memories aren't factual, they're stories we tell ourselves filled with meaning and metaphor and allegory. It's why we love stories so much, whether it's fiction or juicy gossip, interacting with others interpretation of events and finding meaning in them helps us to interpret and assign meaning to our own lives and create rich, nuanced world beliefs. When something happens that is incompatible with our world beliefs and we are unable to assign meaning to to integrate it onto our subjective narrative, that's trauma.

Emotional support can help us to develop our metacognitive abilities and integrate traumatic events but things like disorganised attachment environments really fuck up this ability from a very young age and the creation of alters in CDDs can be viewed as attempts by the brain to protect those very early world beliefs (I rely on my caregivers for survival), by creating new characters in the story who can hold simultaneous contradictory world beliefs.

The problem is when traumatic shit happens young enough, memory just doesn't record properly. The emotional feelings of helplessness and threat to life or exposure and violation might be preserved, but the "factual" record can be lost forever. And once you start chronically dissociating it fucks with your regular every day ability to record and store non traumatic memories, even if by this point a traumatic memory can be "factually" and emotionally preserved whilst also being buried.

So when I look back on my childhood, and I have all these emotional flashbacks from very early childhood and these core beliefs that point to a really shitty life as a baby that I don't have actually memory of, and entire oceans of no memory, and also traumas that happened to me later in life that I do remember even if I've only recently admitted to myself are traumatic, AND a brain that likes to make up alternative subjective narratives through alter formation, AND a desperation to make sense of my life during a very confusing period (system discovery), yeah...my brain made up traumas that didn't happen to me.

When I was reading The Body Keeps the Score because I was dealing with a bunch of somatoform symptoms the early chapters talk a LOT about the prevalence of CSA by family members, and it was honestly kinda invalidating, because as far as I was aware that didn't happen to me so why was I so fucked up? It led to me imagining scenarios of trauma that might have happened to me until something latched on to an unprocessed emotional flashback. It became entangled with that flashback and, in a way, integrated itself into my subjective narrative. It gave meaning to my story, a distressing story, but a story that made sense. The only problem with that is, it doesn't actually make sense. It just isn't compatible with the other versions of my narrative that are contained throughout the rest of the system. I haven't processed and integrated the real trauma, I've just attempted to create a narrative that could serve me in that moment, it was reassuring, it provided a security in the meaning it gave me, but it's only a temporary substitute for real integration of the stuff that's still buried or inaccessible to me.

Maybe I was a victim of CSA, it's definitely possible, but that memory I've "had" just.. Isn't it. And despite community sentiments to believe trauma I would be harming myself to cling onto those memories instead of confronting the true traumatic events through therapy when I'm actually ready to face them. I would be deflecting because believing something I know deep down isn't true is safer than acknowledging what really happened, even if the fake memory is worse than what really happened.

I understand why papers on fictitious DID are concerned with patients freely offering up their trauma when previously DID patients would take years to open up enough to share it. When you get those confession stories of people faking DID there are these repeated elements that come up time and time again. They made up trauma that they freely shared to appear more valid, and despite no longer faking they still sometimes hear their alters. And I think what's happening in these cases isn't actually necessarily that they're faking DID, although obviously you can misdiagnose yourself, but quite possibly community exposure is reinforcing a sociocognitive presentation of DID. One where trauma is this thing that you MUST know about, where alters have deep backstories and a rich biography. This outward protection may very well be a reflection of a deeper but hidden inner experience that seeks to deflect the outside world with a decoy narrative.

This sucks, because from a clinician's perspective whether they affirm it or scrutinise it, if the patient refuses to let go of the decoy to reveal what's underneath therapy work is largely fruitless. Sar and Ozturk seem to be the only practitioner's to have correctly highlighted this in Functional Dissociation of the Self. They recognise the uncanny ability of the Dissociative system to deflect and divert therapy work through substitute beliefs and multiple realities and highlight the value of cutting through all that to get to the hidden psychological self that's able to create the cohesive integrated narrative that allows the system to truly recover.

So I have to ask myself, is the "version" of DID I believe I have and present to others an accurate depiction of what's going on? Or is it a convenient substitution of self that I use to deflect from what's really going on? How is the community influencing this presentation and my need to cling onto it to fit in? And is my participation in the online system community harming me in the long run because it helps reinforce my substitute beliefs about myself to fit in with them without putting in the real work to really understand myself?

I'm mostly making this as a self call out post for accountability, because I think I need to step away. If I keep posting them I've failed because honestly I feel kinda lost without it and that's scary. Hopefully, this will be the last y'all hear from me in a while so I wish y'all well. Or I'll see you tomorrow

[wickjump]

GRAHHHH HOLY FUCK

THANK YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS???????? IT'S ALWAYS BEEN ON MY MIND BUT I NEVER KNEW I WAS ALLOWED TO LIKE

ACTUALLY NOT LIKE IT

AAAAAAAAAA

gnawing on the bones of the passage of time rn brb

NO CAUSE LIKE, 2016 UT FANDOM COME BACKKK, I CAN ACTUALLY MAKE SHIT NOW?? I CAN ACTUALLY APPRECIATE YOU PROPERLY NOW GRAHHH

lowkey i miss all the amino ads/spondorships now lmao, at some point it just felt like amino sponsered every single undertale content creator jshsjs/positive

it had it's issues no doubt but fuckkkk, it feels like the atmospheres then and now are so different it doesn't even feel like the same fandom anymore if that makes sense? 

ngl i kinda miss the sans fangirls? they were such a staple part of the community back then grahhhh (help i still remember when almost everyone was laughing at the fangirls that, just in general, new/young artists got dragged in too? ugh i dunno, i never really watched those 'cring comps' but i wasn't a fan lmao /lighthearted)

it felt like such a community, it *was* a community

when did everything get so divided

can we all just rp 2016 ut fandom for the rest of our lives

ugh now that i see another person talk about it, my brain just opened the floodgates and im speedrunning the grieving process JHSHSJHS 

"it'll never be the same anymore" okay and sure i could be graceful about it but also what if someone has to drag me kicking and screaming

GRAHHHHHHHHH (love you sm for this op, KEEP SPEAKING YER TRUTHHH!! RAHHHHHHHH)

THANK YOU!!!! i will forever speak my truth thank you anon

things got divided and genuinely it doesn’t feel like the same fandom at all. the fandom on twitter feels nothing like the fandom on tiktok or on tumblr. and because so many people don’t have tumblr now, despite how tumblr is the utmv fandom’s medium, it’s difficult to get the people together like they used to. someone could be famous on tumblr, everyone knows their name and their ocs, but on twitter nobody knows who they are. tiktok has plenty of tumblr reposts but theyre also in the dark a lot of the time. it’s disconnected.

the community would be a lot better if we just. migrated back to tumblr again and stopped the callout posts, because honestly i don’t care what someone said that was mildly rude to someone else or anything of that silly nature. it’s not that serious!!!! it’s driving us apart!!!!!!!! we can’t be together if we don’t make an effort!!!!!

i want people to start being communal again. i want rp sessions. i want a new loveball. i want roleplay blogs and silly cringe and especially edgy ask blogs. i want the same level of cringe 2016 had. i want it so goddamn bad. but in order for that to happen, people need to put in an effort, and to do it, and enough people need to do that. which feels like it just won’t happen, im not that influential to make that happen, and as previously mentioned, so many communities don’t know i exist either, nor so many tumblr figures!!!!!! the real ones are the people that have accounts on all platforms and post the same things on each 🙏 thank you for being a rare link

honestly we’re hated enough as is. I mean i literally just scrolled past a yt video called “undertale and it’s FOUL community”. people outside it ain’t doin us any favors, trying to say “we’re good now” ain’t doin shit!!!!!! let’s just have fun and go back to enjoying ourselves instead of trying to be “better”. because im not having as much fun as i know i wouldve years ago as a content creator and i want to have that fun!!!!! and my goal at this point is to let people know they can have that fun. im going to spread this like the gospel mark my words

[multifandomslxt]

Kink speckal

Changbin - skz

Doyoung - NCT

WOOZI - SVT

Girl I ran here. I hope I did it right

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Content below...

Three tickets for the Kink Special

Changbin - Stray Kids (skz)

A Dom-leaning switch- Depends on his partner.

Size Kink- Now let's not lie to ourselves, we know this man isn't the tallest. so we can cross out the height difference as a huge motivator for this. Instead, I'm talking muscle-wise. He fucking knows he could manhandle the fuck outta you. Whether, fat, chubby, slim, or thick honey he'll fuck your life up and you'll love it. His thick muscular arm wrapped around your pretty little neck. Don't even get me started on how he loses it over the difference of your thighs compared to his.

Erotic Asphyxiation/Breath play- This ties in with his obsession with Chocking his partner and having his partner sit on his face so he can eat them out (let's not debate on that because we know it's true). Something about not being able to breathe while he brings you to a climax is enough to make him cum. You can hear him groaning as he begins to fight for breath but he doesn't let up cuz he knows he can last a little longer. Until he's light-headed and dazed. Be warned though this isn't something he'd want earlier in the relationship because breath play is dangerous if not done properly.

Edging/Orgasm Control- he loves to edge and he loves to be edged. The way your body jolts and your eyes widen as you're denied another orgasm does nothing to help his erection but that won't stop him from laughing at you and calling you every derogatory name in the book. Him on the other hand, he'll never admit it but he loves being edged because it makes the actual orgasm more intense and baby his whimpers are to die for. His begging, his cute little jolts as you deny him another one whewwww.

Doyoung- NCT

Dominant- He prefers it that way.

Sadism- oh yeah. Look at his face, that's the face of a sadist honey. He fucks with your head until you cry. and then fucks with you some more. Love the physical aspect of sadism too but he's strict on it. Yeah, it's gotta hurt but not to the point where you don't find pleasure in it at all. In short, he plays it safe with the physical aspect, as safe as can be that is. Nipple clamps, labia/lip clamps, wax, floggers, etc. Even if he doesn't have them on him he'll get creative.

Degradation and Praise- He mixes the two. Believe it or not, he thinks just saying one is either too nice or too mean (Ironic because he is a sadist). His interests often conflict with each other but that's because with him you never know exactly what you're going to get that day. However, here's a tip if he degrades before he praises - "My Slutty Princess"-it's rough but if he praises before he degrades- " My Pretty little slut"- it's not quite vanilla but it's as calm as could be. Note though I wrote "My" for both... if there is ever a situation where he doesn't say "My" ensure that you have medication for migraines because he's going to make you cry until you get one.

Sensory Deprivation- Specifically, Blindfolding. He enjoys doing it to his partner but he enjoys it more when it's done to him. Not seeing increases his hearing and feeling. Hearing the pretty moans that level your mouth as he continues his thrusts and memorizes your body over and over with his fingertips. He can feel with his entire being the way your walls clench around him and he has goosebumps all over r his body. Note, this is reserved for when y'all are about to finish a session though because he cums fast like this.

Woozi- SEVENTEEN (SVT)

Dominant- Argue with a wall.

Consensual S*mnophilia- He always comes home late from the studio. When he does, You're already asleep and so he just takes this time to fuck you senseless while you sleep. Simple as that, He's a simple man. There are rare times he will wake you mostly because he loves being able to position your sleeping body however he likes.

Consensual Voyeurism- I guarantee you he doesn't even know that his actions have a name. Spies on you when you're in the shower and jerks off to it. Records a good number of your sessions and then jerks off to the video. Makes you play with yourself so he can jerk off in front of you. When you play with yourself in front of him he tells you what to do so he can push your limits. Dildos and vibrators galore. It makes the entire act more intense and he livessssss for that.

Breath play- 100%. He uses his hands to cover his partner's nose and mouth. He's not a fan of choking because he knows he can get carried away. He does it while he's being rough just so it can be a little more maddening. That huge gasp for air you take when he lifts his hands simply encourages him to do it again. he definitely does it when you're about to cum. Kinda like sensory deprivation but instead of the senses, it's your breathing. Either way, it makes your orgasm last longer and makes it more intense.

Hope you enjoyed this slxtty ride!

Do cum again<3

[abyssalhuntersnerd]

While yes, Specter Alter made me fucking suffer for months because she's just built different, I still adore her with every single fiber of my being because she's literally everything I could have ever wanted and she is everything she deserved to be.

Everytime I think about how beautiful her character development has been and how her own self worth journey has developed I just get so happy because she thought that she was worth nothing. Her body has been worn out, she has no control over it and the only thing she can do that is somewhat useful is slicing things up for a living. Even if she has a brief moment of consciousness, it's probably just as bad as being trapped in her previous state, it's spent thinking to herself there really isn't anything she can do for herself and that this is it, her fate has been decided. She will die fighting like this, being restrained to chains she never chose in the first place and she won't have a choice in the matter- Because some weirdos decided to inject Originium into her spine to get information out of her and even when they tried to, she still never gave them what they wanted.

I don't think we talk about her mental resilience enough. Like yeah, she was unstable when she didn't have control over herself and her reactions to certain things told you everything you needed to know about her past experiences- But damn, this girl is tougher than most of us would like to admit. The Church tortured her to extremes I'd rather not think about, ruined her life and her as a whole but she doesn't hold any resentment towards them, she doesn't hate their guts, she simply is disgusted by them and just... Instead of straight up murdering Amaya on the fucking spot cause let me tell you I would not be able to hold myself back, she just tells her to fuck off, to please die in the fanciest way possible and dances with her because why not. Just why not. At the end of the day she still admits they would never have gotten along but damn, just damn.

The fact that she takes that experience, the years of isolation and pain- And learns to love herself for who she is now, not for who she was before is mesmerizing. She's 3 people at the same time, she's Laurentina of Aegir, she's Shark of the 2nd Company and she's Specter the Unchained. She's the same person she was but she doesn't reject the parts she hated before.

She sees so much more worth in her own self than she ever did before because those parts she's been trying to reject for so long are what she just needed to become the person she was meant to be, so beautiful, so tragic and so perfect that she baffles me at times.

We don't talk about her enough. About how she's seen her the worst parts of herself and instead of hating them she embraced them. How we all wished we could do that ourselves and we find it so difficult because loving yourself is so hard nowadays.

And honestly? We also don't give Skadi and Gladiia enough goddamn credit. I don't care what anyone says anymore, if it wasn't for them Specter wouldn't be where she is. Yes, they weren't the ones who made her like this but the fact Skadi spent literally YEARS to find something that would help her, even if it was just for a brief moment because she wanted to talk to her, be with her and try to save the only thing she had left from her beloved home? How she considers her, her treasure map, the one who keeps her going even though she doesn't know where she's going but she still will regardless cause if it's for her and with her partner, it's all worth it. How she was the one who cared for her along with everyone who wasn't scared to, who held and carried her when she needed it? The person who properly spent countless hours by her side, telling her about all the things she wished she could tell her in hopes that maybe, that way, she would get better? To then be told that she was being heard and that even if she thought she couldn't rely on Specter, she still told her that Skadi could regardless of her condition? That even after Under Tides she promised her she would be there when she woke up again and she was, and fuck, Skadi's heart probably leaped out of damn joy to see her back, to see the person she's been caring for so damn long to finally be back, back to her true self. Can you imagine how Specter feels about Skadi? How grateful she is to her for everything she's done? How wonderful their relationship is?

How even if there wasn't much to go off of, Gladiia was always there for her. Even if she was desperately looking for a way to go back home and to stop her mutation she still believed in her beloved Shark? Even when Skadi doubted herself and Specter she still reassured her telling her that her hunter is tougher than this. That she can overcome anything. That even if it wasn't much, Specter still appreciated being able to be hunter under her wing, that she promised her she would try to get better even if it took her a while? How Specter makes Gladiia smile with her just being a little shit something not many can do?

How they just... Complete each other in ways I cannot express because it is so beautiful to see 3 people appreciate each other so much? How Specter in a way, might give them that little hope they need to keep going? That if she can better, so can they?

Just. Just them. Just Skadi. Just Gladiia. Just Specter.

I just love her so fucking much. She's absolutely perfect. She deserved her damn Alter so much.

[mdhwrites]

The Nightmare Catch 22 of Hunter as a Clone

So first, let's just get this out of the way: The Grimmwalker twist was unnecessary. It wasn't properly introduced until S2B, with the only real foreshadowing of it being a single element in the S1 finale and the fact that Hunter didn't have magic. They could have kept him as having no magic though and been a genuine orphan that Belos took in to raise as a protege, possibly inspired to do it MORE because Hunter had a failing Bile Sac and would never be able to cast magic by himself which would have made him appear more human to Belos than the other denizens. Someone he could connect with more. This also would have made it so Hunter would have HAD to choose to leave Belos on the grounds of morality rather than being a disposable clone that Belos just straight up tries to kill before Hunter can actually rebuke Belos' way of doing things and the like, making his arc and redemption stronger. This also would have allowed for the same steps taken but less baggage that they couldn't deal with because of the shortening.

But, as always, TOH couldn't kill its darlings so let's talk about the nightmare that is how they dealt with Hunter being a clone, especially in the context of his crises of identity.

So the first thing that has to be acknowledged is that this is nothing new when it comes to clones. Clones have been a staple of sci-fi and fantasy for a LONG time and a clone reveal is ALWAYS more common than the person actually knowing what they were. This makes a lot of sense thematically though and it's a trope for a good reason. It opens up a lot of questions about what makes a person their own person, nature versus nurture, etc. like that. And the common decision by most media is to have the clone reject that who they're made from doesn't matter, they're going to be themselves, doubling down on the idea that free will is that which makes us human and ourselves rather than a machine (which also brings this up a lot in matters of androids.)

Which I will give credit that that DOES actually fit the goals of TOH. That you being you is the best thing possible in this world. There's just a couple catches to it. The first is obviously time as by the time Hollow Mind happens, there's VERY little time to deal with it and Hunter still spends some of that time just not addressing it and lying/keeping secrets instead because this show has very few ideas of what to do with things when it comes to angst. He's not the most prolific liar/secret keep in the series amongst the good guys after all as that title firmly goes to Luz.

And that time problem IS a problem. After all, this is their setup: Hunter is a clone of someone who recorded history in his world has entirely forgotten. Instead, he looks and is raised by Belos. As such, he assumes that Belos is who he is cloned after and after the attempt on his life, even more than just being a clone (I am serious when I say the Grimmwalker twist is unnecessary), by Belos, he rejects being like his perceived Uncle. And so he becomes a witch loving, Palisman befriending good guy who betrays Belos!

...Which is literally EVERYTHING we know about Caleb. Every concrete fact about him lines up with what Hunter turns into. Even worse, NO ONE wants the old Hunter. They only want what he is when he is lying, not acting like himself... Or like Caleb. Darius is actually the creepiest here as he explicitly wants Hunter to be like his dead lover and the canonical fact that EVERY Golden Guard ends up betraying Belos means that Darius effectively just wants to not guide Hunter to a better place but to just... remake his old love.

And that's fucking creepy.

Luz wants nothing to do with what Hunter was before he started becoming good though. Amity wants Hunter to become like her which is essentially just becoming Luz. Willow likes the time she spends with 'Caleb' and then is mad at Hunter when he's back to being the Golden Guard, at least until he goes against Belos by saving The Emerald Entrails, pleasing Darius and her.

But this is where the Catch 22 comes into play. From the character's perspective, Hunter IS rebelling against what he thinks he was made to be. Who he believes himself to be a clone of. He has no reason to assume he's Caleb's brother after all. Hell, he'd probably get confused about why this ancient white dude named Philip has brown hair when Belos has blonde. Not white like Eda but blonde. So we NEEDED some time for Hunter to introspect, learn the secondary twist that he is a clone of Caleb, learn about who this Caleb guy was, which is effectively impossible beyond the fairy tale they're told which tells Hunter nothing of Caleb besides the boy liking witch booty over taking care of his brother, and for him to THEN decide he was okay with being like Caleb.

And that would have been fine. It would have even been theoretically a bit novel if not kind of weird. Again: Writers have always chosen that the person goes their own way for a reason. Hunter deciding being Caleb is cool with him is one way to close that out... But it would still be him choosing to be a different person. That his individuality isn't what's most important which goes against pretty much the core theme of TOH, who believes individuality and self expression is the ultimate priority. Full stop.

So you have a character who narratively, for the sake of having the redemption arc they want him to have and who logically fits into this place by contrasting against his uncle, also cannot become that person because he's a clone and his clone appears to be the anti-thesis of his uncle, thus making each of those points of contrast not him becoming his own character but him becoming just a different, ancient white bloke. There is no winning with this. And in the end, there was no victory. Hunter turned into a copy of Caleb, his arc feels shallow in part because of it and the Grimmwalker stuff robbed time away from the rest of the series for minimal payoff and a blow to the core themes.

All for a twist that cheapened his arc in the first place and had no real reason to be here besides being kind of neat conceptually.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[theeleventhhour]

I was looking in my inbox for your ask @catb-fics and somehow it was deleted but I wanted to do it anyway so here I am, better late than never

Favourite Van pic

It’s hard to choose only one but that I remember these are ones of my favourites

Favourite Van quote

- "I'm really in to words, so l've always wrote lyrics and stories, since I can remember really. In school I could never spell. I was a bit dyslexic, so I would always get words mixed up all the time, but I was always good at capturing a story.”

Even though he wasn’t able to read properly he managed to introduce some interesting and complex vocabulary in his songs and it fascinates me

- "My dancing style? Captain Jack Sparrow when he runs meets Austin Powers when he blows them fembots up"

Hilarious

- “I'm terrible in bed but I'm incredible with my hands.”

No comments

- "They just don't know what they're on about. They say, 'We just want to make music for ourselves.' But if you wanted to make music for yourself, why did you leave your fucking bedroom? Why play a gig? Why stick it on the internet with fucking artwork and sell it on iTunes for 79p? You want to be successful. You're just talking bullshit. I think people see through it, to be honest. If selling out means playing to 100,000 people, making them lose their shit with their best mates and their girlfriends, then I want to sell out! If it's going on a Hellmans advert and getting two million quid for it then 'Fuck, I love mayonnaise!'"

I think is such a lovely thing that he didn’t made all for fame but because he is a guy who loves music above all and wanted to share his passion

- "I've hated guitar since I started. It hurts my hands. It's heavy. It cost me money to buy when I was a kid. They break. They all sound shite and out of tune anyway. I hate face-melting guitar solos. Why would I want to melt anyone's face? I got into music to make lads bounce, girls blush and my dad feel proud. I didn't get into it to melt someone's fucking head off."

Again the purpose of what he wanted to do with his music and honestly I get the point of being not cheap invest on instruments, but I love the solos only I’m not capable yet bc I’m too lazy 😅

Favourite Van moment

Well is not only Van’s but I bet it was his idea bc wtf else could come with that? I mean ninja masks? I want to kiss his stupid brain he’s really brilliant coming up with solutions in order to pursue his dream

Him hitting himself on stage for being hyperactive:

Yeah, I always chip my teeth on the mic stand. The first show in San Francisco on the last chord, no one could see because the lights went off, but the in-ears pack came off and hit me in the eye. I came offstage with a pretty big, overhand-right-looking, swollen eyebrow. But yeah, I like moving the mic around.

And this interview (idk if it refers at the same moment

Also almost every single one interview of his early 20s, they were another level

[crazyunsexycool]

Could we get a drabble of them in the present/future giving a lot of PDA and Steve seeing them 😂

omg of course! 😂

PDA

Bucky and Steve were in the middle of a meeting. You could hear them discussing the issue of a shooting that happened on their territory as you got closer. It was something you also had to discuss since the wanna be gang had been causing trouble in your area. You knocked but didn’t wait for them to let you in, instead you just waltz in as if you owned the place.

“Hey.” Bucky says, the scowl on his face quickly being replaced with a smile meant just for you.

“Hi.”

Steve rolls his eyes as he watches his best friends look at each other with heart eyes.

“Hey Stevie.”

“Y/N, what are you doing here?”

“I heard about the shooting, those assholes are in my territory I want them gone. Thought we could work something out together.”

Bucky held his hand out for you and you walked around his desk. You place your hand in his and he pulls you into his lap. Bucky gives you a quick kiss and then another before pulling back to talk to Steve.

But Steve knew the meeting was over the moment you opened the door. As he continued to talk about their options Steve was getting slightly annoyed. He watched as one of Bucky’s hand moved from your waist to your hip while the other sat on your thigh moving higher little by little. If it wasn’t that it was you distracting Bucky by running your hand through his hair and tugging slightly, a small groan leaving Bucky’s lips. If it wasn’t that it was you placing kisses along his jaw and nipping at his earlobe after saying something that was just meant for Bucky. Thank God for that because he didn’t need to know what went on in that brain of yours.

What really set Steve off was the giggling. He felt like he was back in high school with the two young love birds basking in their recently confessed love for one another. He sighed as he tried to go back to what he was saying but stopped when he heard what you were saying.

“I just realized we haven’t properly fu-“

“Ok that’s enough.” Steve stood as he punched the bridge of his nose. He was annoyed and conflicted because he knew what it meant for you to be together again but someone had to put a stop to all this PDA because it was getting out of hand.

“What’s wrong Stevie?” You asked, clearly amused at how red he was getting in the face.

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s like high school all over again.”

“Oh poor Stevie. How about you pull up a chair, bug? That way he won’t be an ass.”

You pout, playing it up now that Steve was annoyed. Bucky kisses it away and you giggle again.

“Im done, I’m leaving. Call me when you’re alone Barnes.” He glares at both of you before making his way towards the door. “I can’t fucking believe this bullshit.” He mumbles under his breath.

You and Bucky laugh as the door closes.

“We should really try to control ourselves when he’s here. Poor guy’s had to watch us all through school.”

“Nah, he’ll be fine.” He said against your neck before kissing and nipping at the sensitive skin. “Now what was that about me fucking you on this desk?”

In one quick motion he pushed everything aside before placing you on the desk. Bucky stands between your legs as you pull him down for a kiss. Your lips are swollen and clothes discarded. You’re so wrapped up in each other that you don’t hear the knock on the door.

“Oh come on! Lock the fucking door.” Is all you hear from Sam before the door slams shut. You look from the door to Bucky before you both start laughing again.

“I love you James.”

“I love you too Y/N.”

[thefamilyeldritchabomination]

Chapter Fifteen: Love Like You Pt. 2

“I don’t think we would even need to kill anyone, it sounds like there’s a collapse going on if they’re being this silent. Hell, our Fuhrer is on the loose with his murder spree at the moment, so Dante is likely going to be preoccupied with that. We could team up and take on Dante ourselves if needed, strike while the iron is hot so to speak.” Edward got up from his seat, took the glass of milk and went to dump it into the planter, a plan having been formed properly in his head.

 “Once we overthrow Dante, we could have her be placed in prison.” Alphonse added, happy that this won’t involve them having to commit the act of execution on another human being.

“I like the sounds of this plan already, about time that hag got a taste of prison life like we had before the big break out happened. I’m on board with this plan, guys, up for raiding an old lady’s cottage villa?” Greed glanced over to his crew of chimeras who were more than happy to wreak a wretched lady’s life.

 “Then we got our plan of action, plus we’ll show Ernest we don’t need to kill anyone to make things better.” Edward had a big grin on his young face as he made his way out of the tavern, Alphonse following behind.

 “If you both weren’t underage, I would’ve offered whiskey shots.”  Greed laughed after seeing how well this arrangement went.

 “I’ll drink Orange juice instead, come on Al, we have some preparations to do.”  Edward held the door open for Alphonse to exit the tavern, eager to get to work.

 Greed watched the Elric brothers exit his tavern, eager to put a stop to the terror of Dante and her homunculus henchmen. It was just as the door closed when the phone started to ring, catching the chimeras and Greed as they were closed for business on Sunday. Silently, Greed motioned for Dolcetto to answer the phone, hoping it was just someone stupid to try and order stuff during off hours. Dolcetto gave a bit of a grunt before he lifted the phone off of its base and brought it up to his ears as he began the procedural message of being closed. The sentence was cut short as the dog man chimera gave a look of surprise before looking over to Greed, motioning for the homunculus to take up the phone. There was a bit of a head shake from Greed as he went over to take up the phone, figuring it was the dread Karen on the phone to handle. It had happened before, it was part of the workforce and expected to deal with rather unsavory customers from time to time. The phone was warm from Dolcetto’s hand as it passed from him to Greed who brought the phone up to answer.

 “This is the tavern Owner, Greed, on the line. As I do believe, my employee already stated, we’re closed on Sundays..” Greed’s voice kept to the appropriate tone of customer service as he awaited for the dread screeching.

“Funny Greed, look this is Lust. We need to have a talk and we’re ready to mend some bridges for this to happen.” Lust gave a bit of a sigh on the line as she was starting to lose a bit of patience.

“You’re fucking joking, I thought you and the little monster were on Dante’s side and how the hell did you guys find us this time!?” Greed dropped the customer service voice as he perked up a bit more at the sudden change.

“It isn’t exactly complex alchemy to figure you like using ‘devil’ in a lot of names of your establishments. Look Greed, Envy is refusing to speak to you themself, but we are considering assassinating Dante as things have gotten out of hand with her. Will you be willing to join up with us?” Lust waited on the phone as a pause overtook Greed as he carefully considered the bargain.

“How exactly do you expect me to trust that this isn’t a trap? I’ve been twice bitten and twice shy with my previous encounter.” Greed broke the silent pause as he awaited for an answer.

 “Since Envy isn’t going to do the negotiation like they normally would, what proof or gesture do you want from us to prove that we’re not trying to trick you?” Lust made a shushing sound in the background as the faint background of Envy getting into a hissing fit could be heard.

 “First, I want an up to date rabies vaccination record for Envy and second, I want Envy to pay up for this fancy Xingese Restaurant for my Chimeras and I. Then we’ll talk civilly about teaming up with the Dante Coup de Grace.”  Greed had to hold himself back from laughing maniacally when he heard Envy explode in profanity in the background.

 “You have a deal, though Envy would like to ‘kindly’ remind you that they have been rabies free for the past hundred years. We will meet you and your group at the restaurant to coordinate a plan of attack properly.” Lust’s annoyance with Envy’s behavior could be heard in her tone as laughter from Greed had broken loose. 

 “I’ll have to bring the Elrics if this is the case, they’re wanting to overthrow Dante as well. I don’t know why she’s so hellbent on tormenting minors now, but it's clear she’s made plenty of enemies.” Greed casually informed Lust as he relaxed fully with how the conversation was going.

 “Thank you for the healthy warning there, I’ll be sure to have Envy stay with Dolly then during the meeting.” Lust could be heard scolding Envy over the fact the Elrics would be there.

 “Seriously? What did two wet behind the ears teenagers do to get Envy into a hostile state towards them?” Greed raised an eyebrow as he shifted the phone a little bit, becoming curious when the topic was brought up.

 “You know, I’ve often wondered about that myself. Hey Envy, care to explain why you hate the two goobers so much?” Lust was quiet for a moment as the sounds of feet stomping could be heard before a sharp shutting of the door could be heard shortly after.

“They locked themself in the bathroom, didn’t they?” Greed let out a heavy sigh upon hearing the exchange over on the phone.

“Pretty much, that place has become their tantrum room. Look, we’ll have the dinner meeting in a fortnight to get our ducks in order. This will have to be an olive branch towards the Elrics, so please get them prepared for this conversation.” Lust prepared to conclude the conversation having had enough of Envy and their petty attitude towards the situation.

 “Right then, I’ll meet you and your hideous brood at that fancy Xingese Restaurant sans Envy.” With that, Greed hung up the phone as he grinned at the bettering odds of overthrowing Dante once and for all. 

 “So Boss, how are you going to approach the Elric brats?” Roa asked, having a feeling this will end relatively poorly.

“You know how we roll all too well by now, Roa. Bido, make that milk stew for tonight, we’re having dinner with the Elric’s tonight.” Greed gave a proud little smirk that would put Pride’s to shame.

 “But Mr. Greed, it’s still the morning hour and I need the stew beef for it.” Bido gave a look of not wanting the milk stew’s vegetables to dissolve with an insane cooking period.

 “Fair enough, I’ll get that stew beef you need, I’m just needing comfort food for tonight since we’re going to have the misfortune of being around that horrible red monster they’re rooming with.” Greed’s smirk faltered at the horrifying thought of having to be around the nightmare beast known as Ernest.

 The collective group gave a shudder at the horrible plasma beam of death the tiny clay asshole unleashed the last time they met. With the cardinal desire to bury the gruesome memory away, both Greed and his Chimeras went about getting some errands done before the impromptu meeting at the Rockbell Household. It was in all honesty the only way to run away from having to immediately confront the imminent encounter with Ernest the Dreadful. As the crew of the fair shady tavern, ‘The Devil’s Herd’, scrambled about, the Elrics unwittingly blissfully were on their way back to the Rockbell home. The Brothers got some answers and a hopeful plan to finally put an end to the vicious cycle Amestris had been through for the last couple of hundreds of years. Things had finally started to look hopeful for the pair of brothers as they reached the household when they saw a most curious sight they hadn’t quite expected. There at the front was Winry working with Ernest who had made a thin plasma stream that Winry had been using to carefully cut some metal pieces with. Edward looked annoyed at the fact the horrible little leonid bastard was more cooperative with Winry rather than himself. Alphonse, on the other hand, was rather pleased that Ernest found a less homicidal use for the plasma beam. It was taken as a sign of good things to come, hopeful things would pan out well for all involved…

=======================================================================

 Envy was pissed, beyond pissed if that was even possible. It was their first day back at the apartment complex after the ‘renovations’ had concluded, getting buried in more gifts from the residences after basically being given a paid vacation for a week, and all they got from Lust was the sheer disrespect all because they refuse to deal with Greed. The bathroom had seen better days after Envy had concluded their tantrum fit, tiles smashed and the mirror sporting a fine spider web crack line. It wasn’t Envy’s problem as it belongs to Lust now, Envy did have a room with the horrid Face Fur, Dorian, and Dolly to only worry over. The thought of being around Dolly and Dorian made things a little calmer for Envy as they exited the restroom, only to be greeted to the annoyed scowl of Lust waiting for them to have a chat. Gluttony kept quiet as he kept to the feeding corner, waiting for the verbal storm to pass. Envy attempted to walk past Lust, but their path was blocked by the gloved hand resting against the plastered wall. A growl escaped from Envy’s throat, not thrilled that they were going to be dragged into a conversation the human shaped reptile didn’t want to deal with. Lust took in a deep breath as she prepared to talk to Envy about what’s going to happen and hope they don’t wreck the bathroom even further. 

 “Envy, the Elrics will be coming to this meet up. Because of your past behavior involving them, you are to stay with Dolly during the whole exchange so this will go smoothly.” Lust hissed, not thrilled with the situation either. “Like hell I am! Lust I can handle this! This is my plan and my Coup de Grace plot!” Envy protested immediately, it was their Coup de Grace plot and damn it, they were going to see it through. “It might be your Coup de Grace plan, but, if this fails because of you, I’m going to Coup de Grace your little ass in retaliation.” Lust narrowed her eyes at Envy since she was throwing away her chance of being human once again.

 “It won’t fail! I’ll just keep my focus on Dolly, so long as I have her sitting next to me, I’ll be alright with having to deal with the Elric Brats.” Envy threw their arms up in frustration as they attempted to do this magical thing called reasoning.

 “I don’t have time for this, but fine Envy, have it your way. Just know I’ll be inspecting you for any poisons or viruses before the meeting happens.” Lust warned under her breath as she let Envy pass now that there was an agreement.

 “Whatever, just know that once we go through this, you won’t be able to become a human as you wanted.” “I know and I’ve come to terms with that. As much as I wanted to become a human, maybe there’s something more than just being part of the species. The only thing I do regret is not being able to do alchemy as I wanted to do.” Lust looked away for a bit as she finally came to admit it.

 “Good, we’re going to be just fine as we are then with the nice add in of never aging or dying.” Envy started to make their way back to the apartment.

[charmedreincarnation]

honestly i’d like to say something. ppl may get mad but so be it. that unique blog always gave me terrible vibes. the way she spoke set off alarms. and tbh, this is exactly what another blog tried to talk about the other week, but the blogs shooed her away. that’s the problem. can anons be hell? of course but can we please stop sliding over blogs now. all the anons and blogs seem to have this issue. only like 3 blogs are truly trustworthy. at some point we have to ask ourselves, if someone is living their dream life, how do they have time for this? the drama? the constant “now im taking a break” or “im logging off” but getting back on the next day or a second later. the constant jumping on others because they disagree. i see blogs being sad about what they have been called, but those blogs were involved with bullying and calling that other blog who simply questioned the community. her name was justsleepx or something. remember how she got called a cunt and other names by some popular bloggers? remember how the blogs spiraled? (that situation showed you guys who to trust btw but y’all aren’t hearing me. nobody ever does until they finally blow tf up in your face, like unique did :) remember how unique chimed in the justsleeping situation??? i’ve been here time and time again when i know a blogger is problematic and i am always right. unique is not the only blogger who is problematic and not living the way they claim. these bloggers show it themselves but some of you are so damn lost. you guys couldn’t even notice how much of a problem unique was and people were ready to believe the bs excuse, apology, or whatever she delivered. blogs and anons are so out of touch with common sense. idk why. 😭 so yea, we see unique is not who she says she is. isn’t she one blogger that everyone worshipped? so what will it take for you guys (speaking in general) to stop placing your trust and everything in these bloggers? will they all have be exposed or will everyone finally gain some sense. LMAO and we have to be real here, there are some more questionable blogs but i’m not here to expose. i hope everyone pulls it together but is this community even a safe space?? i mean really. i even made my own blog then deleted this week bc it’s like, tf will this do for me besides make my life worse? 💀 beware of the blogs being in drama constantly. beware of the blogs who are up here all the damn time. beware of the blogs period because we do not know these people. you take what may resonate and you fucking go. how many more “scandals” do we need for bloggers and anons to stop being dumb like this? people love tough love. well here’s some real shit for you. any one of these blogs could be just as full of shit as unique, the important thing is yourself. it’s too many blogs and anons spiraling. it’s too much bs. i just want this to be everyones final push, stop just believing these blogs. they are random strangers. sure success stories can be motivating but man, you can need your own story. you’ll get there. some light and truth is needed in this community and you’ll never get it with blogs hiding their hands as if they are just right and should be believed. you’ll never get it with anons fueling shit or not having proper manners (blogs too). i’m still seeing bloggers complain and anons but y’all are the ones who contribute to bs. let’s be real FINALLY 👁️👄👁️ you are the only blogger i see calling unique out properly. the rest are just lacking some sense LMAO. let today be the fucking change. get y’alls shit together. no way anyone is living their dream life but up here acting stupid and have time for drama every chance they get. i’ll leave on that note. hopefully i can get my loser ass out of this community once and for all. i’d like to recommend some blogs but i don’t want problematic ass anons or bloggers getting near them. i have to gatekeep 😔 just find your way and let the drama drop dead. don’t let what i say anger you, please let it just influence us to be better. #happymanifesting

Happy manifesting ! And literally everything you said was facts to the max. Regardless of everything you have access to your desired life no matter how many people lie or ruin this community. It has nothing to do with your journey and desires and no matter what happens or “who” just remember you’re god and keep going on. No god is phased by any short comings in the community and you already have the power by yourself alone to have everything you want in this world and “others” for my shifters 💓

[iamthecomet]

vent

Mommet i don't feel well, i can't message anybody and i feel really awful, i can't even bring myself to pretend like everything is fine, i just can't show anyone I'm so scared of not being okay and it hurts so much

I couldn't cry before but i don't even know why I'm crying anymore and I don't know who to tell because i can't talk to anyone, I'm always the emotional support friend and it makes me feel like shit when i rant to people about how i feel i end up deleting my messages and i can't even handle praise anymore because it just makes it worse

It's kinda hard being told you're useless and starting to believe it even though I know I'm not, because then when people tell me that in good I start thinking "no I'm not, I'm the opposite, I'm terrible i know I'm not good" it just hurts

I'm so scared of everything and I feel so alone and i have no idea what to do, and I'm trying to eat and sleep because it's the only thing i can do still but even I'm failing at that, I'm scared to sleep, i can barely bring myself to eat properly, most of all my brain is in the clouds and that makes everything worse because ill literally forget and i can't even tell anyone because i just feel like a nuisance

Everyone tells me I'm not, but i still feel like shit

I wish i could just disappear but i can't even do that, I'm just stuck here suffering because I can't go anywhere, i keep telling everyone I'll be alright because I always am, because I've always had to be, because I've never had another option, I don't want a reply that tells me everyone is here for me, or to please take care, to try, because I'm fucking trying, every ounce of energy I have goes into just trying to fucking breathe without breaking down and i can't even ask for real help because they don't believe that i wish i could stop existing. They just tell me I'm lazy.

I can't even stop anyway, I'm just stuck here.

I'm sorry for ranting I just need some place to leave this but i can't even sign off with my anon

Thank you for listening mommet

Hi love. Thank you for feeling comfortable enough with me to share this with me--even if you couldn't leave your tag. I would have loved to respond to this privately--and not air your distress all over my page, but I can't do that. And I also can't just let it go without a response. You deserve one. I won't tell you it will be ok, or to keep trying, or I'm here for you (though, I am). I'm just going to tell you it's ok to feel this way. And I'm so proud of you for continuing to try, for fighting so fucking hard. You are so strong for that. So strong.

I know what it's like to have your brain tell you everyone is lying to. To tell you that you are not deserving of praise, or love. I am sorry that you are going through it. I won't do the thing where I try to beat into your head that it isn't true--I know that doesn't really work. But I will tell you, that our brains lie to us all the time. Not everything we tell ourselves is the truth. And that's ok. It's important to understand it's a lie--even if you still can't help but believe it. It's a step in the right direction.

I do think that you should make an attempt to talk to someone in a professional setting if you can. I think they would believe you--they should. And they will do their best to help. They might not be able to fix it, but they may be able to ease the burden--or give you tools to lessen the pain. You do not have to feel like this forever. I am so sorry that you are struggling so much. I'm sorry that you feel isolated, and alone. I am sending you love, and good thoughts, and support, even if it's from afar. You can always vent to me. I am here for you in whatever capacity you need.

[lowresolutioncryptid]

so have y’all seen those European climate activists that throw food/paint on works of art and then glue themselves to the wall or the floor? And then they’re being recorded talking about how climate change is killing us and if we don’t do anything there won’t be any art left to enjoy or people to enjoy it? Amazing, beautiful, I love it.

so many fucking jarheads under those videos just. Completely Missing The Point. They’re more offended about paintings being defaced (not destroyed because they’re clearly protected by glass) than they are about corporations and politicians literally destroying our planet. They’re pretending to be cultured by only talking about the art “be respectful to the art” “the painting didn’t cause climate change” like THATS LITERALLY NOT THE POINT. No one is arguing that art works are responsible for climate change like are you really that fucking stupid or are you playing devils advocate like some edgy middle schooler with no real debate skills. Jesus fucking Christ.

In a few generations after climate change and weather disasters destroy our planet and society, there won’t be any bougie art museums to circle jerk at. There won’t be paint or pastels in capitalistic production to make art with. The artists will die of starvation or exposure. The people who admire the art will not have time to admire, they will be dead or trying to just survive. Is staring at pretty colors and pretending to be cultured really, truly more important to you than the planet you live on? Are your priorities so backwards that you’re willing to sacrifice your future and the next generations future for the “dignity” of a few paintings made by long dead artists? Where is the “dignity” that’s afforded to the planet, to the species? Do you have absolutely zero foresight?

the point of stunts like these is VISIBILITY and EXPOSURE, actions that provoke reactions in order to RAISE AWARENESS. “Everyone already knows about climate change tho uwu” No They Dont. No They Fucking Don’t. And there’s actually a growing amount of people still DENYING the reality of climate change and calling it a conspiracy. That’s great that you and your friends are aware of climate change, but you and your friends are not the whole world. This is bigger than me and you and everyone you know. This fight needs every single one of us. And throwing food and gluing yourself to a public space might not be acceptable activism to you, but is sure as Hell a lot fucking better than what most people do: Absolutely Fucking Nothing.

Y’all will sit on your asses complaining that it’s not real activism and “hurts the cause” but then every single action someone does try to take gets met with enforcing manners/politeness codes and respectability politics. You’re not supposed to be comforted by activism, it’s not supposed to be polite or respectful, because the bloodthirsty corporations and politicians who are actually killing us and the planet are NOT polite, NOT respectful, have NO manners and NO morals. Until y’all get over this fairytale that activism can’t make people uncomfortable, nothing is going to change.

And before anyone comes for me: I am an artist. I have been painting since I could hold a paintbrush, according to my mom. I value art history and believe making art is an intrinsic part of the human experience, something we have been doing since the dawn of time, that has shaped our ideas of the world, of nature, of ourselves. Art is the life blood of humanity. And I would like to keep it this way, I would like to CONTINUE to see new artists create new forms of art and expression, and I would like to believe that this desire goes hand in hand with wanting to address and properly deal with climate change. If we don’t do something soon, all the love that I have for art won’t mean shit. And I’m not gonna act high and mighty like my appreciation for art will save us all when the floods come. When the rivers dry up, when it gets too hot that paint will never dry. I don’t want to imagine a world where my descendants have to fight to survive instead of being able to make art and beauty.