#ye i want to write these every couple days to track my progress

[curiouslycaffeinatedcephalopod]

entry 03

do not be afraid to use technology if using paper based methods of note taking, planning and scheduling and journaling.

when i first started my research project i was afraid of using only applications and software such as Notion, drives for storage, Microsoft Word AI grammar assistance etc. I was afraid because i was told (and anxious about it myself) that i could lose my data and information if i didn't have a backup on paper.

this resulted in me not quite meeting my weekly deadlines with tasks and goals because i was spending time "backing up" all my data, planning, schedules, meeting notes, everything.

Whilst i definitely agree with others that you should have a back up, a lot of these applications and software are so well developed and have really well functioning servers, there is such a minimal chance of just losing everything. it would be more logical to make back ups on other storage platforms/drives than keeping everything in paper AS WELL. this is so time consuming and sends you in a panic every time you need to upload data, write notes, prepare documents, edit documents, review data and leaves you with notes you made hastily (and anxiously) which often times never even helped me as the notes were illegible because i was in such a rush.

of course, a paper based method for laboratory notes is a good idea as devices are not recommended in the labs if you're working with biological matter/chemical substances - pencil down your notes and then you can go home if you have the time and the need to write it onto a notion page or type up a document so that you can review the protocol and how you performed during and the outcomes, any changes you may need to make etc.

you can use notion for your research scheduling and planning and just keep a very simple bullet journal/notebook for day to day notations and planning. i had been told to make sure i have a paper based record of everything i wrote on my notion but i think you can keep an abbreviated version and rather keep a copy pasted document of this and/or screenshots and store that across multiple drives (or one if you're not an anxious academic like me, haha).

if anyone tells you how you should do something so intricately personal to each student/researcher because they do not like the interface you use (yes, i was told i should not use the one thing that has worked for me because it was too difficult for the other party to understand or review), it is obviously nice and kind to try and provide things a format they understand, but do not stop doing the thing you enjoy and that actually helps you reach your goals.

context for number 3:

i found notion through various content creators in the research realm, with mixed recommendations ranging from yes it works well to no not for me. i struggle with planning and procrastinating and academic challenges so i decided to give it a go. honestly, the fact that it was aesthetically customisable was a big plus. that is just simply something that makes me want to work. the next thing was its cross compatibility with other apps and software i used, primarily google. it helped me keep track of upcoming meetings, events and urgent tasks and provided a way for me to visually see my progress. but someone i was wokring with, whose opinion mattered very much to me, had mentioned that they were not a fan and that they did not have the time to use the interface, even though the interface was not our primary mode of communication regarding my research project, it was simply a way for them to see how i was spending my time or planning to as a student of theirs. needless to say, i gave up because their way took way too much time already. it is not a problem or a topic that requires someone to blame, i just was in the midst of an already overwhelming time in my project and had to just do what i needed to survive (lol).

anyways, the lesson i learnt was, after falling a couple months behind because of poor planning and compatibility with how i was going about my most important component of my research was that you really need to prioritise the thing that works for you. whether that is paper based or digital.

but you cannot spend every moment fearing that notion will drop off the face of the earth with all your notes and plans along with it. i wasted so much time stressing and creating paper and digital back ups of EVERYTHING. i have now had to spend essentially a month organising things across multiple emails and drives just to get a start on my next big project. the most important lesson will definitely be that you need to train and teach yourself to know what are things that require a back...

you do not need 17 backups, paper and digital of plans passed and plans to come, you will quickly be reminded or be able to recall most such things as they will stress you out and haunt you so much anyways.

however you certainly do need a sufficient back up of data that belongs to the university as part of your project, or any personal methods of tracking such things.

anyways, sorry for the long rambles i post, i am using tumblr as a way to have a blog until i can actually get a website and publish better and more concise posts. i hope you still enjoy reading or at least find some solace or advice in between it all!

[black-arcana]

DIEGO CAVALLOTTI Says His Exit From LACUNA COIL Is 'Not The Result' Of His 'Dissatisfaction Or Desire To Explore New Opportunities'

Diego Cavallotti has released a statement regarding his departure from LACUNA COIL.

Cavallotti, who joined LACUNA COIL in 2016, initially as a fill-in guitarist following the departure of Marco "Maus" Biazzi, took to his social media earlier today (Wednesday, June 19) to write: "Good morning everyone.

"I want to share with all of you this post regarding my departure from the band.

"Yes, I am no longer part of the LACUNA COIL.

"Although this decision is not the result of my dissatisfaction or desire to explore new opportunities, I have serenely decided to accept it in consideration of these almost 10 wonderful years spent together, playing around the world, and to allow the band to continue its course without me.

"I wish to Maki, Andrea, Cristina and Richard the greatest success and the greatest satisfaction. I thank them for the huge wealth of experience gained over all these years, always side by side.

"I thank all of you, friends, fans and artists who have written to me but above all for the immense support that I'm receiving.

"However, this is not the end of anything, one chapter has just been closed and I am ready to write another one. For me music is, and remains, my only reason for living and I will never stop doing what I love, even if that meant going back to playing in garages or in front of anyone.

"I can't wait to find out what the future has for me, I am ready to evaluate every possible new opportunity and I will continue to carry out my projects with pride and dedication.

"Thank you very much to everyone, see you around."

When LACUNA COIL announced Cavallotti's exit on Monday (June 17),the band wrote in a statement: "As we step into a new cycle, writing and recording our next album, we are parting ways with Diego 'DD' Cavallotti. We thank him for the many unforgettable moments shared over the years and wish him the best of luck in his future endeavours.

"All future live plans remain unchanged and the new songs are taking form, we can't wait to share them with our fans."

Biazzi left LACUNA COIL in January 2016, explaining in a statement: "I felt I couldn't add more in this project any longer so I decided to leave my second family, LACUNA COIL, to take a different path for a new challenge in my life."

LACUNA COIL recently completed the "Ignite The Fire" U.S. tour with support from NEW YEARS DAY and OCEANS OF SLUMBER.

In April, LACUNA COIL released another new single, "In The Mean Time", featuring Ash Costello of NEW YEARS DAY. The song's title is a reference to the mean times the world is living in, as well as a reference to the state the band itself is in, between cycles.

Last July, LACUNA COIL released the official lyric video for a new track called "Never Dawn". For the song, the band partnered with CMON, the renowned board game publisher behind the popular game "Zombicide".

In a recent interview with Brazil's Sonoridades Inc., LACUNA COIL singer Cristina Scabbia spoke about the progress of the writing and recording sessions for the band's follow-up to 2019's "Black Anima" album. She said: "I can't really tell you a lot. I can tell you that we are progressing very fast. We are almost, like, 100… We completed, let's say, the demoing. We still have to record the rest of the songs, but we will soon — probably after the tour, after the [May 2024] North American tour. And if everything goes as projected, before the end of the year [it] will be released. And that's already a big news, because we always say, 'We don't know. Maybe.' … I absolutely love the songs. I'm part of the process. But I'm very pleased."

Asked if "Never Dawn" will be on the upcoming album, Cristina said: "I think it will be. I think it will be, 'cause it will make sense. And it also fits with the other songs — it really fits with the other songs. Many heavy songs."

LACUNA COIL has spent some of the last couple of years promoting "Comalies XX", the "deconstructed" and "transported" version of the band's third album, "Comalies".

"Comalies XX" was made available on October 14, 2022 via Century Media Records.

LACUNA COIL celebrated the 20th anniversary of "Comalies", by performing it in its entirety at a one-night-only concert on October 15, 2022 at Fabrique in Milano.

"Comalies" was originally released on October 29, 2002 through Century Media Records. The LP, which featured the band's breakthrough single "Heaven's A Lie", has reportedly gone on to sell over 300,000 copies in the United States alone.

[angel-with-paper-wings]

💖 What is your primary writing goal for this year?

🥸 Does anyone in IRL know you write fanfic or original fiction? If not, do you plan on telling anyone this year?

🎃 Do you plan on writing any seasonal fics?

👾 Do you have any "bad" writing habits you want to break?

💥Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

🪩 Do you have any "good" writing habits you want to cultivate?

Thanks so much for the ask!!

💖 What is your primary writing goal for this year?

I already received this question in another ask, but basically I want to make a better writing schedule for myself. I want to make my writing a habit, something that happens at the same time every day, and not just something that happens on a whim on certain days when I “have time”. I want to make time for my writing, not just use writing to take up my time.

🥸 Does anyone in IRL know you write fanfic or original fiction? If not, do you plan on telling anyone this year?

Yes, a couple of IRL friends know about my fanfics! I don’t necessarily plan on telling anyone else, but I can see myself sharing with another one of my friends if the situation arises.

🎃 Do you plan on writing any seasonal fics?

Haha actually, I do have a couple of chapters planned that take place around certain holidays! I LOVED writing the Christmas chapter for my previous fic “Live As You’ve Never Lived Before”, so I’m planning to write another one of those along with a Halloween-based chapter.

👾 Do you have any "bad" writing habits you want to break?

The month(s)-long hiatuses between chapters need to STOP 😭 They’re not fair to my kind readers, and they’re not ideal for me if I want to make any progress on my works. 2024 is the year I make better writing habits!!

💥Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

Ooo fun question!! There are lots of fun scenes I have planned for my current WIP that I’m excited to write. In the upcoming chapter, Christine and Erik have a night of celebration after getting new jobs, and they maybe indulge in a ~lil~ too much wine 🤭. I’m also excited to write a future chapter in which my bestie Nadir Khan/Daroga comes over for a visit at Christine and Erik’s cottage for dinner and catch-up!

🪩 Do you have any "good" writing habits you want to cultivate?

I am a big organizer, so I’ll plan out what the main events of my chapters will be long before I write them. This helps me keep track of where I am on my fic’s timeline, so I can weave in details from events that have already happened and even foreshadow events that are going to happen. This helps me feel on-track and motivated with my fics, so I want to keep doing it for the future!

[goshdarnitjay]

Hello! I was just curious as to if you write every day? I know that you have a full time job and everything and things can be stressful for you but finishing such a long ass story like what you owe and updating everyday when u did kiss for Kate bishop fic is just crazy. I swear ao3 authors are just different breeds lol.

yes, I do write every day now, but I never used to. I started back in September 22, giving myself a daily goal. I then gave myself a monthly goal and then several secret goals to trick my ADHD and executive dysfunction into starting the writing process at all.

More detailed description under the cut!

This is my word output since September 22:

(Dark Yellow is Goal. Light Yellow is Actual Word Count)

December 22 to March 23 was not as productive for me, because I was on the verge of finishing What You Owe and I was getting burnt out on it after, like, 180k of working on the same thing.

I keep myself motivated by keeping an excel sheet where i track my progress:

Starting Point and End Point turn green when I reach 100 words, and Word-Count turns victory blue when I reach 201. I'll be keeping my monthly goal at 10k from now on, because that is a realistic number even for a really bad month. that way, if I ever fail to go beyond 10k, I won't be disappointed. But as you can see, the last few Months have been quite a bit better. I usually take off between 1 and 3 days in a month to recharge. Usually after I've had a really, really hard day at work, or when I want to spend a whole day with family.

These are my three secret monthly goals:

They go down as the monthly word count goes up. It's an easy =WordCountMonthCell-15000 or 20000 or 25000

I used to really, really struggle with writing every day. I usually only wrote when I was inspired, which happened once every couple weeks, maybe. Sometimes every couple of months. This excel sheet has helped tremendously.

Number Go Up = Serotonin Boost 👽💜💚

I encourage anyone who is struggling with achieving this to find something that works for them. A reward system that's easy to implement and easy to keep track of. Excel did it for me.

In terms of my full-time job: I struggle with motivation and energy after a 9-10hr shift (understandably). So during my last middle shift (where I started at 9:30am) I got up 1.5hrs to 2hrs ahead of when I needed to get up so I could write before work. That actually also helped so, so much, because I wasn't exhausted and I didn't have a headache.

Early shift is kind of the worst, though. I get up at 5:30AM, so I would probably have to get up at 4AM and... yeah IDK lol I don't think I'm gonna do that. I'd have to get to bed really early, too. My body requires at least 9hrs of sleep to function optimally... We'll see. Early shift is also the most exhausting, because the employees are there from the very beginning to the very end, and they're annoying and needy and demand so much attention.

Hope you enjoyed my very in detail explanation on how I manage to write every day! 👽🐔💜💚

[aena-blue]

Manifestation - Patience & Persistence

Hello everyone! This is another short post to cover a simple topic under the umbrella term manifestation to hopefully shed some light on the topic.

Today is not so much an explanatory post, simply a reminder, for you, as well as for myself. Today I want to talk about patience & persistence.

Let me get this out of the way first: Do you have to be chill and patient in order to manifest your desired outcome? HELL NO. But does it feel better to be chill about it, and does it help you to remain in the state of the wish fulfilled? Well, yes. Does patience come more naturally the more you practice manifestation and the more you occupy the state of the person who has their desire? Also, very much yes.

I wouldn’t tell anyone to try and force a feeling, any feeling, and that includes patience. If you are feeling impatient, remember this, it is natural. Of course we want what we want, and we want it now. But as long as you remember something else that is even more important, then you are all good, and that thing is: Regardless of how you are feeling, your manifestation is a done deal, it already exists and you will see/hold your desire in the 3D, it is inevitable. Until it does, as I’ve said many times before, return to your imagination and keep giving yourself that experience of your desire being fulfilled, over and over again.

Through your imagination, and repeated affirmations, you can re-create your reality exactly how you want. I know how frustrating and annoying the 3D world can be but as I wrote in last week’s post “Conventional Action”, you always have the power to assign the meaning to anything and everything that goes on in your life. And I would encourage you to get as ‘delusional’ as you want. Your specific person (SP) didn’t text you back? They are hella in love with you and thinks about you ALL THE TIME. That’s all you need to know really. Go back to what it is that you want, find that feeling within yourself, practice going there, seeing it, writing about it, or talking/thinking about it (affirmations) to yourself, time and time again. 

You aren’t delusional, you created the reality you have seen up until now, so now you can re-create it however you want. But you need to remain persistent and faithful to your new state (the person who has their desire fulfilled), and IT WILL COME. It has to. It’s the law. 

One last little tip from me is to write a progress journal every day, write down any and all progress you see, any crumb of evidence that you are the god and creator of your reality, and any signs you have seen where your new assumptions are mirrored back to you. Could be from a conversation you had with someone, or some video you randomly stumbled across or a song that played in the car. Doesn’t matter how big or little, track the signs you see. This will serve as a helpful reminder and reinforce your belief in your manifesting abilities. You can also use your daily journaling process to include some scripting.

For example, if you are manifesting an SP but did not hear from them that day, shamelessly throw in a couple of sentences about how they were thinking of you non-stop that day and that they are missing you like crazy. Remember, this is your reality, you create it, you shape it, through your assumptions and your beliefs. That’s all you need to know.

You don’t have to be patient, but I hope this post has helped you to remember to keep bringing yourself back to your God self, the creator, the operant power of your reality. And, most importantly, doesn’t matter how many times you feel impatient, frustrated, annoyed, cry etc. Just let it out then go back to your imagination. Nothing can prevent you from having what you want but you.

I am taking requests for future posts if there is anything specific or general you want to ask about manifestation, law of attraction or the law of assumption, just drop me a comment or an ask me :)

I now offer email coaching on my Etsy Shop for anyone who needs help, assistance, guidance or just a cheerleader for their manifestation journey.

You can email me or use the “ask me” function for anything that might be on your mind, or on your heart. I am here for you all, always. Please note that the Ask Me’s are only open for dream interpretation, general questions or advice at this time.

Please consider supporting my intention & affirmation art business in return for my time and energy by making a purchase or sharing my shop on any of your social media, every page click helps my business grow and I appreciate all of your support.

You can get a sticker for about $2 and if you make a purchase and send me an email to let me know what you bought I will happily give you a free 3 card reading for a question of your choice or 1 free email for manifestation coaching, regardless of the cost of your purchase! 🧡

If you'd like to donate to my channel/blog I gratefully receive energy donations via Paypal, every little helps! 🧡

For anyone that feels so inclined I do have an Etsy Shop for readings.

Much love and light to you all and to the universe 💛💜

~ Lady Blue 💙

[pepperf]

2022 has been, well, let's say a continuation of the pandemic years for me. I'm a little lacking in emotional resilience these days, and I'm dragging myself over the line with the hopes that next year will be kinder. But it hasn't all been bad. I've had some amazing times with friends and family, I paddled in the sea with my nephew, I finally saw @bethanyactually again after so fucking long, and I've learned a few things. So I thought I'd do the counting my blessings thing, and look back on the good things this year.

2022 was the year that I…

Wrote nearly 200k words. That's over 500 words a day. That is two full-length novels. And I finished and posted about 130k of it on AO3, which—look, I've not been tracking it this way before now so I don't have the stats, but it's DEFINITELY a higher rate of finishing than I've had before. And @wheresmytowel deserves all my thanks for, oh, so much of that. I'm gradually figuring out what works for me in terms of completing stories, and I'm really happy with my progress on that front.

Discovered that armpit hair is cute. I'm serious. Look, I've given up shaving before, but I don't think I've stuck to my guns for this long, well, ever. But this summer, after my last trip to the beach with the family, I decided, to hell with it. And now it's all grown past the spiky stubble stage, and the beard-on-someone-who-can't-really-grow-a-beard stage, and it's kind of luxuriant and…goddamn it, it's fluffy. It is cute. Why is it always seen as a Statement or an insult, something strident and unfeminine and unkempt, when long hair is otherwise seen as an ultra-feminine attribute? I love my fluffy little pits, and legs, and bits. It's possible I'll chicken out when summer comes around again—but until then, I'll get a fond little 'yay' moment, every time I see the kitten fluff under my arms.

Decided that I didn't want the career I've got. This is a difficult one, but it's been a long time coming. A large part of why I am where I am comes from me trying to live up to the (impossible) legacy of my mother, and…okay, yes, I am also a firm believer in the value of public sector work and everyone pitching in to make the country and the world a better place. But I've been doing something along those lines for nearly 20 years now, and I'm kind of burnt out, ngl. And I'm sad to say, I might be done with the NHS. I truly believe in it, and I am loyal through and through, but…it's an increasingly hard place to work, and I don't think I have the mental stamina for it any more. Maybe once I've stepped away, and regrouped for a few years, I will come back. But at the moment, it's a really bad place to be for my mental health, and as a result of that, I'm doing an increasingly poor job of things that I used to find easy. So, I just need to stop, really, for everyone's sake, and do something different.

Started painting again. Slowly and cautiously. I started to think about it in the summer, and took some reference photos of some stuff I might like to paint—then a few months after that I got my easel down from dad's attic and took stock of my paint and brushes—then I dragged out one of my old canvases that never got properly used—and a couple of months ago I ordered some new paint—and applied a base layer to wipe off a painting that was haunting me with bad memories—and then applied another base layer to start building it up into something new…and, yeah, that's where I'm at. But it's a start, and it's more painting than I've done in a very, very long time, and I'm…cautiously excited.

Put some other tentative stakes in the ground for things I might want to do—job stuff, writing stuff, house stuff…all too much to do all at once, and it probably won't all happen next year, because I don't think I could handle that, but at least it feels like I'm not stagnating. Even if I need to remind myself of that, sometimes.

Jesus, I sound fragile. I am fragile, honestly, my confidence is easily knocked, and I'm anxious about a lot of stuff, and I feel like I keep having to gently lead myself along like a 90yo with a broken hip, and I've got things in the new year that I'm dreading (particularly job hunting, god help us—but I'm on a temp contract at the moment, so I don't have a choice). But…I'm getting there.

Here's to 2023.

[sidewalkscienceguy]

Managing Writing Time

An online friend reached out recently, determined to get on track with the fiction novel she really wants to write (and she just had a co-authored children's book about alien life on exoplanets published!)

But this novel idea she's had for a couple years, she's been stuck on, with months between any progress, and she's frustrated that she's keeping it on the backburner, but also doesn't know how to make room for it.

Obviously I post a lot of my writing updates. Moreso on Instagram than here (that will change), but basically I have a running daily total of my wordcount, and log the days and hours I write.

I like data. What can I say.

Anyway. Here's the advice I gave her. It's totally subjective.

Writing - any art in general - is a muscle. I don't so much believe in the muse as I do in consistency. Time management. Frequency, less so. Consistency is what I want to draw the point on.

Setting up a routine and sticking to it will train your brain. Picking a location, a day of the week, and a time will more or less Pavlov you into creativity. At the very least, the location matters, I'd argue. This is where the argument against working in your bedroom, or even your house comes from. Removing yourself from intimate familiarity helps boost your brain and creative power, in a similar way that traveling does.

If you're stuck, pick a place and time and go write. Try to do this every week. Build up that Pavlovian response for your brain. "Oh! We're here now. Go-go-gadget writing inspiration!"

Over the 2020 and first half of 2021 COVID shutdowns, I often wrote in my room, and it was terrible. If you remember, I literally bought a desk, decked it in plants, and got lights, all in an attempt to build the resemblance of a mini coffee shop, because my brain literally NEEDED that to be removed from the rest of my apartment, even though it was the corner of my room. It had to physically, and mentally, feel bigger than my room. It had to be my Narnia. My Police Box.

Ever since I rebuilt my routine and started going back to a coffee shop (yes, it's just Starbucks, lol) I've been pumping out 2.5k - 3.5k words a session, vs the 500 - 900 I was doing up until the end of October. It took me 7 years to write the book I published last year, when I was pumping them out on average every two years before then. Now I'm well ahead of schedule for this current book's release in 2024, because I've rebuilt the routine and stuck with it.

18 years of writing has just....trained my brain: coffee shops at this time of day (the evening) are my creative place & times.

[ozma914]

The State of My Writing Career

 I used to be a submitting machine ... but now I'm tired.

If a writer wants to be traditionally published, they must submit. Their short stories, novels, non-fiction books, must go out to those publications that accept un-agented submissions, or they must go through literary agents for the other publications. (Independent publishing is a different animal, which some writers swear by to bypass traditional gatekeepers.)

I have an Excel file I've used to track my submissions since 2009. (!) It has 418 entries. Some of those resulted in request for further materials, such as a synopsis and opening chapter that led to an agent wanting to read the entire manuscript. A very few led to publication.

In 2022 I submitted to magazines, agents, and book publishers 77 times. In 2023 I only made 45 submissions, and so far in 2024--zero.

What went wrong?

There are always distractions. This distraction lives next door, and likes to have her belly rubbed.

What went wrong is what went right: I got a "yes", and was contracted to write a book. It took me a year, during which time I was too busy to worry about my other projects. Now it's time to play catch up.

That stranded a lot of material, just waiting to go back into the wild, cruel publishing world. On the other hand, I have the advantage of considering most of it fair game again: If no one I submitted to has expressed interest for over a year, chances are pretty good I can move on. That includes, sadly, a couple of exciting requests for fulls.

So I have six completed short stories ready to go out. I'll probably polish them, and everything else, one more time before submitting, since they've grown "cold" and I can look at them with a more objective eye.

I'd really like to see all this done before I grow cold.

I have six completed novel manuscripts, and two more that need revisions before they're ready. Oh, and a novella: a Storm Chaser prequel that promises to be a lot of fun.

I have two books, one fiction and one non-fiction, that I started on and need to finish.

Then there's my sudden realization the other day that the nation's 250th anniversary is coming up in just a couple of years, and that might present the perfect opportunity for a Hoosier Hysterical sequel.

I'm thinking "Hoosier Hysterical II: Hoosier Hystericaller". No?

This is why sometimes it frustrates me that I could have retired from my full time job two years ago, but can't afford to. Imagine what progress I could make if I sold enough books to write full time!

Well, I guess that's what promotion and publicity are for. They're next on the list.

Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

Barnes & Noble:  https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

Substack:  https://substack.com/@markrhunter

Tumblr:  https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

Smashwords:  https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

Remember: Every time you buy a book, you encourage an author to write another one. Enable those poor people.

[mjae]

The theme of the year is "Restoration"

I had trouble sleeping last night. My brain was buzzing even well past midnight. Recently, I noticed that I get sleepy earlier in the evening. It didn't happen last night. I have no idea why it happened, but it was probably because of the things that were churning in my head.

Or just the energy drink I had to stay awake for New Year's!

I know it's been a few days, but still...

Well, whatever it was, I did eventually just fall asleep. I don't know what time it was, but it was probably from sheer exhaustion.

All that said, I really just wanted to get started on writing again...

So, here we are.

It's 2023!

Welcome to another start in my periodic quest to write every day!

Like I said in the title, the theme of the year is restoration.

The pandemic did all sorts of different things for all sorts of different people.

Taylor Swift was really productive and produced two albums in one year during this time. Made all of us look plenty lazy. Me, included.

Instead of being more productive, I got less productive. The pandemic restricted a lot of activity, most of them things that we took for granted and expected to simply be able to do every day without question or thought.

Now that I think about it, I couldn't adjust very well. It didn't help that I started a new job in 2021: a part-time instructor at a local uni.

That was when I got way less productive.

Well, technically, I was productive in the area of being an instructor, but not in the things I usually do.

Last year, 2022, the pandemic started waning for real. There's still cases today, of course, but it's not something we are not too alarmed about anymore. It's probably gonna stick with us forever now. Like regular coughs and colds. It's now another one of those diseases that we could possibly get just anytime.

So, hopefully, 2023 will be a good year for me to start try and get back to those old things.

This is where the restoration part comes in.

The first step was to find and use a tracking app. I found a habit tracker called Timecap. Seems decent, so I'm using that.

Here are a couple of things I am simply tracking:

Play I'm tracking this because, even without the recaps from my various apps and platforms, I know I played way less than I used to. Probably comes with the territory of having more work, but I want to change that.

Read Unfortunately, I also read way less last year. Goodreads says I only read 12 books last year. That's barely an average of one book a month. Definitely not a good look, especially with a record of 26 in 2021 and 43 in 2020. Yes, it's been a downhill ride. I hope to change that this year and finish well over 12 this time.

I'm tracking them so I can see how much time I'm spending on them. Or, how little.

A couple of things I am building:

Exercise Before the pandemic, I was cycling practically every day. The lockdowns and the quarantines did not do me a favor when it came to exercise. I ended up doing this way less until I couldn't anymore. I did have a period with the boxing app on my Switch, but I couldn't stick with it either. I want to try again. Although... I did not have a good start with this one today. I woke up to something terrible, so I couldn't get started. Probably just an excuse, but we'll see.

Learn Japanese Another one of those things that got disrupted. I had a really nice streak and it was going so well, until a period of disruption upset my progress. I've had to reset maybe twice now. I'm wondering now whether I should reset again, but that's another thing we'll see.

Write This one I seem to be having a good start on. I don't know how long it will last this time, but I hope longer. There's a routine change coming at the start of next week, though, so that's something that does not bode well for this. Still, gotta start somehow, right?

An aside... Like I always do when I want to start writing again, I got hung up for a good time on where to write. It's a good thing I already had something in mind: since we're talking about restoration I thought to use one of my old blogs. I had something in mind, but I was misremembering it. It didn't look like I thought it did. So, I spent some time looking at these old spaces. This old Tumblr blog is it this time. The last post is actually from January 2nd, 2022. It's not even an actual post, just a share from Instagram. The last real post is from August 23rd, 2019 - one of my sort of rants about Descendants 3. So, it's been over three years...

In another note, I also wanted to change the theme. I almost got stuck on that again, but I realized what I was doing, so I got to stop myself and just picked the top result: Tumblr Official.

No qualms, no thinking too hard. Any space will do, so just get on with it!

Now, I don't have a good record with these habit tracking things. I get tired of them after a while. The longest I've gone is probably just a couple of weeks. Hope it will be different this time.

Here's to 2023 🎉

[lotta-studies]

d-30 until exams

i started ‘officially’ studying for my first exams as a physics major today!! i feel like i’m a little late, but a) i was really sick for the past 2 weeks and b) nobody else has started yet so i had no motivation haha

i reviewed some stuff today, wrote a bit of my cheat sheet and worked through a few old homework assignments (all for theoretical physics, i have exams in experimental physics and linear algebra (sOBS) as well), but honestly, most of the time i was pondering over important questions such as WHAT PEN SHOULD I WRITE MY NOTES WITH i’m still satiesfied tho! it was a good first session!!

[goldengoddess]

hi i have a kaz x reader request!! can you do one where kaz proposes to the reader?? that seems so cute tbh

will you marry me - kaz brekker

pairing: kaz brekker x reader

a/n: i listened to helpless from the hamilton musical while writing this so do with that what you will,,,, kaz would definitely do this just so u know (idk if kaz would consider marrige but if he did this is how it would go)

warnings: nothing ?? proposals ? kaz it a tiny bit more touchy :)

kaz brekker was not one for romantic gestures, frankly he it quite the opposite. every confession of love was silent, hidden, usually given in the privacy of his room.

but he knew you.

and he knew that proposals were meant to be romantic gestures. they were meant to represent the start of a different era of love. he’d heard you tell nina about a hundred times how romantic your parents proposal had been. he’d seen the dreamy look in your eyes the time a public proposal had happened in front of the two of you.

so he was dead set on making sure his proposal to you was everything you wanted it to be. and if there was one thing dirty hands was good at, it was making a solid plan. and a couple solid back up plans.

so he was very annoyed to see your annoyed face on the morning he was going to propose to you. 

you grumbled as you walked across the room to the kitchen where you could finally get some coffee. over her own mug, nina chuckled at your state. “looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed” she giggled and took a sip of what was probably hot chocolate. 

you mumbled a quick ‘fuck you’ and made your way closer to kaz. you quickly planted a good morning kiss on his cheek like you always did. it was part of your routine, that way he knew it was coming and was never surprised or taken aback by the act. your grumpy mood chipped away a little at the way that kaz’s lips quirked upwards as you pulled away. 

you shuffled over to the coffee pitcher just as jesper made his way into the room. he was humming something under his breath and you leaned your head closer so you could listen.

you furrowed your brows in confusion, “jesper? why are you humming the wedding song?”

he stopped in his tracks and shared a quick look with nina and then kaz. he turned to you and grinned, “no reason! just in a good mood, excited for our job later today.”

you huffed and shook your head, “at least one of us is.”

the rest of the day went by the way they always do before a big heist: slowly. it consisted of jesper running around the slat pumped up with too much adrenaline. inej taking out all of her smaller knives from their hiding spots (who knew she kept three under the couch cushions) and strapping them to her sides. wylan drawing out the outline of the mercher house one more time. matthias grumbling about the legality and necessity of what they were doing. nina sitting on his lap so he would shut up. 

and kaz, your sweet kaz, going over the plan in his head while observing you. 

later on, as you were all in your respective positions for the job, you couldn’t help but wonder why kaz had paired the two of you together. when the two of you had started dating, he had told you that he couldn’t trust his own instincts around you. and for that reason, you were always paired with another crow and he usually worked with jesper of inej. but not tonight. 

“kaz?” you questioned, “why are you and i working together tonight?”

you didn’t notice the way his hands hesitated on the lock that he was currently trying to pick. he turned to you and your breath caught in your throat, like you were seeing him for the first time again. it was midnight, there was little light anywhere. but somehow the moonlight illuminated kaz’s face perfectly. he looked beautiful. 

he shrugged and went back to his lock, “just thought it could be interesting to switch things up. this job is simple enough, nothing will go wrong.”

his words set you off slightly. your kaz would never take a chance like that. it wasn’t his style. kaz tended to ignore the odds, but never when it came to you. he’d promised a long time ago to not let his own grudges or greed put you in harms way. what was different about tonight?

before you could ask him, the lock clicked open and kaz swung the door to the hallway open. he extended his arm in invitation, “after you.”

you narrowed your eyes at him but stepped into the room. you took a deep breath and felt yourself relax at the oddly familiar scent of roses. you scanned the room and felt a smile slip into your face at the sight of yellow roses. waking closer to them, you ghosted your hands over the petals. 

you looked over at kaz with a small smile, and found he was already smiling at you. “your favorite flower” he said, stepping right next to you. 

you nodded your head in awe, you hadn’t seen yellow roses in a very long time. kaz dipped his hand into the vase and snapped the step of one of the flowers. he turned to you and handed you a single rose. you grinned and took the flower from him, tucking it gently into your backpack. “thank you honey” you giggled and then quietly moved down the hall. 

kaz stopped you in front of a room with a golden and elaborately decorated door. he motioned for you to open the door and you nodded your head, following his instruction. when you walked in the room was practically empty. the only thing inside was a glass case at the center of the room. you tip toed closer and found a tiny jewelry box. you slowly opened the glass casing and grabbed the small jewelry box, assuming this was the ‘big prize’ kaz had claimed they would find during this job. 

“open it” you heard kaz say from behind you. 

so without looking at him, you opened the tiny black box. what was inside, took the air out of your lungs. it was a tiny silver ring with a shiny black stone at the center. without realizing, you let out a little gasp. 

you started turning your body to face kaz, “kaz what is-”

but before you could say anything you found kaz kneeling on one knee, firmly holding onto his cane for the balance. you let out yet another gasp and nearly dropped the likely expensive ring in your hand. 

“angel” he started speaking

“kaz,” you interrupted him breathlessly, “what are you doing?”

he gave you his favorite mischievous smile, the smile that didn’t quiet reach his eyes but shined playfully in his eyes. “i’m doing my best to propose darling.”

another gasp on your part. 

he chuckled, “i have spent a lot of my life closing off my heart. making it impossible to reach. but then you came along and broke down my walls brick by brick. and impossibly, my heart became yours forever. so i thought it was only appropriate to put a much deserved ring on your finger. so, what do you say angel? will you marry me?”

you let out a small sniffle, happy tears falling down your cheeks. “yes! i want to marry you, i do!” you laughed happily and rushed over to kaz.

you helped him to his feet and he smiled, “excited are we? you’re not supposed to say ‘i do’ just yet darling.”

you lightly punched his shoulder. you moved your eyes to his lips and then back to his eyes, asking for permission. his grin and the quick nod of his head told you everything and you surged forward to kiss him. 

after a few seconds you pulled back and you know that you’ve never smiled as brightly as you are in that moment, “you never fail to surprise me brekker. can’t believe you pulled off a fake heist just for me.”

“i’d do anything for you” he answered quickly. 

“even marry me?”

“especially marry you.” 

taglist;

@vintagebitc @obiwansjedi @thegirlwiththeimpala @hybrid-in-progress @mrs-brekker15 @mrsbrekkers @simplyluvzuko @ode-to-joy @gallysonegoodlung @sixofshadowandbone @castielcouldbeasecretdentist @meiitanoia @caaarstairs @itisroe @the-jess-life @xsamsharons @heavenlymidnight @wtfrae @dreamer-writer-fangirl @bookishcrows @tulipsxbooks @thehighladyofday @seven-halfbloods

if your name is in bold it means i couldn’t tag you!

[mcl38]

new article written by lando for the telegraph dropped! this time about golfing (embarrassing. embarrassing that i’ve even read it but way more embarrassing for him). AND this time it’s actually paywalled, not like the other times. so please please don’t pay money to the telegraph - i will literally 100% always be posting these articles in full with a day or two delay at most. anyways, article under the cut as always, enjoy the read

I cannot wait to get back in the car this weekend. Spa is one of my favourite circuits and it’s always a thrill to race there. I’m also feeling particularly refreshed right now – both mentally and physically – after a brilliant holiday out in Spain and Portugal during F1’s summer break. I spent the first week in Ibiza and Formentera with friends and family, travelling between the islands and generally chilling out. Then in the second I went on a bit of a road trip with my buddies Max Fewtrell and Tom Bale, who are old karting team-mates from back in the day.

I say road trip but the truth is it was a golf trip. We played every morning and then travelled on to our next destination later in the day, going from Alicante to Marbella, Sotogrande to the Algarve, and ending up in Porto. It was utterly glorious. 

Yes, my name is Lando Norris. And yes, I am a golf addict.

I thought I would use my column this week to write a little bit about my relationship with golf, as it seems to have become a thing. I'm always getting asked about it in interviews.

Believe me, no one is more surprised than I am that a game I had never really played until three years ago has become such a big part of my life but somehow it has. I probably have Carlos Sainz to thank for that. 

[picture of lando’s car at spa last year, i assume during quali but it’s just him spraying rain everywhere. fun times last year eh]

It was Carlos who introduced me to golf when we were team-mates at McLaren in 2019. We started at Topgolf in Surrey, near the team’s headquarters in Woking. Then he suggested I have a go out on the course. I was hooked from the word go.

It helped that Max and Tom took it up at the same time. We’re all pretty competitive so that helped to get the juices flowing. And slowly, over time, it’s just become part of my routine. I now play almost every day that I’m able to.

Am I obsessed? Yes, a little. I use an App called TheGrint, which keeps track of every shot. But don’t think it’s an unhealthy obsession (of course, you can become a golf bore but I try very hard not to be one, although I am attempting to get my girlfriend into it, so far unsuccessfully!) It’s my relaxation away from the paddock. A place where I can go to clear my head and forget about apexes and braking points.

For me, that is my primary motivation for doing it: clearing my head. I know there’s always talk of ‘cross-pollination’ when sportspeople take up other sports. There’s a long list of sportsmen and women who have taken up golf, from Gareth Bale to Steph Curry to Michael Jordan. And I guess there are potential benefits in terms of concentration, focus, and ability to deal with adversity. I probably get more frustrated out on the course than I do in the car.

But essentially I do it because I enjoy it. Which is ironic considering the pain it causes me. Right now I’m pretty frustrated with my game. I’m probably not doing enough lessons and I’m not seeing the progress I want to see. The driver is a particular issue (ironically). I don’t think I took it out of the bag for the last three days of the road trip. I do that classic thing of trying to hit it 100 times harder than the rest of my clubs, with predictable results! But I also have a few gremlins going on in my short game.

I actually need to get it a bit under control as I’m playing in the Pro-Am at Wentworth in a couple of weeks – in between the Dutch and Italian races – which is pretty nerve racking. I’ll probably be more nervous doing that than driving in an F1 race. I’ve played in a Pro-Am before, at the Dubai Desert Classic, when I was paired with Bernd Wiesberger. But there will be so many more people at Wentworth, and obviously on home soil a lot of them will know me. I don’t want to embarrass myself, especially as everyone knows how much I love golf!

[lando in dubai on the golf course with like some guy named bernd but not the safety car guy. i’m guessing a golfer? i assume the ppl who r actually into golf r also subscribed to the telegraph and can go there to check, venn diagram just a circle and all that]

I’m not yet sure who I’ll be paired with but there’s plenty of potential for embarrassment. But I’m looking forward to it. It will be an experience, with the crowds lining the fairways and galleries around the greens. 

Maybe I’ll get a few tips off Carlos. I reckon he’s probably the best golfer among us F1 drivers. Him or Lance Stroll. I think they must be off six or seven whereas I’m currently off 14.5, having been down at 12 or 13. Alex Albon is another I’ve played with in Monaco. It’s definitely a growing thing in F1, although I haven’t been able to tempt George Russell yet. 

Going into this weekend I’m comfortable with my fitness, and with how hard I’ve been working this year. For me, it felt important to relax and clear my head over the summer break. Golf helps me to do that. I’ll arrive in Spa fit, ready and re-energised, if a little sunburnt after my golfing road trip in 39C heat.

[rynne311]

The Gun

Summary:  There are far too many ways for the meet the family date to go wrong, especially when there are lost guns and misunderstandings involved.

Word Count: 1136

You had desperately wanted to make a good impression.  You'd never really made it to the 'meet the family' phase of the relationship before and you didn't want to mess this up.  It was intimidating enough sitting in the expansive drawing room with all eyes on you.  The idea that just by opening your mouth you'd probably end up putting your foot in there was daunting.

Dinner had seemed to go well enough.  None of the potential fights Jason had warned you about had actually happened, which you couldn't tell if that was a good sign or not.  If they had fully welcomed you into the family, they would let their guard down and let stupid fights break out, but you tried to remind yourself that this was only a first meeting and that evenuality would come along before you knew it.  

You didn't have time to over think it before your phone started ringing, and knowing that work didn't call unless it was important, you excused yourself from the room to answer.  Jason studied your face as you excused yourself, trying to gauge if this was going to be a 'we get to leave' kind of work call.

"What do you mean you lost the gun?" You questioned as you rounded the corner out of the doorway.

"And you're sure someone didn't just leave it on a shelf?"  Your voice carried no matter how much you tried to hush.

Jason could sense Bruce's eyes narrowing in your direction. It didn't take much for him to know what the man was thinking.  Jason had already heard enough of it with his own track record.  

"You're just going to bring someone here who apparently has such a blasé attitude about deadly weapons that they appear to be routinely left around for anyone to find and discharge," Bruce lectured.  "It's bad enough that you disregard my feelings on the matter, but it is another thing entirely to bring strangers here who obviously do the same thing."

It seemed the writing was on the wall, and judgements already made.  He was disappointed, but not surprised.  The night had gone far too well, and it was only fitting in his mind that Bruce would take something good in his life and twist it into something terrible.

"And you wonder why I've been in this relationship for well over two years, and this is only the first time I've brought Y/N here. So definitely not just a stranger," Jason countered.  He could feel the anger rising, and as much as he was trying to keep things relatively sane in the manor for your visit, he couldn't help as his voice kept growing. "You just love to take things out of context and villainize them, especially if it has anything to do with me and anything I love. I mean, c'mon Bruce, you really live to the expectation on this, I just can't tell if it's living up to it or down to it."

Jason's bellowing had you abruptly hanging up the phone running back into the drawing room.  You'd only seen him this angry a couple of times, but this time was different, you could see the pain it was stemming from standing right in front of him.  There was always a distance to it, something he only had to prove to and remind himself, but this time was different.  This time the manifestation of his personal shortcomings stood chest to chest to him in icy judgement.

"I think there may have been a misunderstanding," you hurried to begin to explain. Your voice grew progressively more stern, more protective. "I manage a store, and sometimes I or some of my associates accidentally leave our scanner gun on a shelf while changing stock around or checking inventory.  I make sure the entire store takes safety very seriously."

Jason knew what was going to happen next if he didn't intervene.  It was a self-fulfilling prophecy he supposed.  He had warned you of the high probability of a fight breaking out during your visit, but he had been sure it would have been between his brothers, not you going toe to toe with Bruce.  Without interrupting you, he started guiding you to the door.  His hands on your shoulders only served to embolden you.

"You should know part of the reason I wanted to come here and meet you tonight was to thank you for the generous Wayne Foundation scholarship I was awarded for college. I only got through two years before my mom got sick, and because it was just the two of us, I left school and started working in a store, the one I manage now, to help keep everything going. But yes, thank you for the opportunity, however ultimately unfulfilled it may be."  You couldn't veil the sarcasm in your voice anymore.  If you were to be judged, you were going to play into it.  You weren't necessarily proud that you were willing to stoop that low, but here you were taking satisfaction in the way Bruce's face fell slack as you got the last word in.

It was quiet as the car passed through the long driveway from the manor back to the main road.  You both needed to cool off and put some distance between yourselves and the house before breaking the silence.  You were more than a little surprised to look over to the driver's seat and see that Jason wasn't brooding. 

"He's probably still standing there dumbfounded," he speculated in awe. "Nobody ever has the nerve to stand up to him like that."

"You were holding your own when I walked back in," you countered.

"Okay, no one who hasn't had to endure living with him has ever had the nerve to stand up to him like that," he corrected himself.  "Once he's over the shock, he's going to respect the hell out of you.  You might even end up with a job offer."

You didn't hide the small smile as you turned to watch the passing streetlights.  It had been a long time since you had impressed someone like that, or at least a long time since you felt that you impressed someone, Jason is the first to tell you how you impress him every day.  You glanced back to him and rebutted, "I actually like my job. There's no way I'm leaving just because I made a rich man feel like an ass."

"I know all of that, and that's what'll make you turning it down so much better," he mused.

You didn't miss how he chuckled and smiled to himself at the thought.  There was a complicated relationship there you only hoped to one day understand. In the meantime, you had no doubt you and Jason could be enough for each other. 

Tag List: Everything: @societiesholyskittle @pickyblue12 @icycoldbeanieweanies @thoughtfullychaoticdreamer @bloatedandlonly @sakurafille @jason-todd-squad @childofposeidonforlife @webcraft4eveh @bookish-and-shy @dnarez @thirstiestpotato

Jason: @jason-todd-rh @princessowly1234 @manymanyenvelopes @drarrylov3r @axa-vega 

Want to be tagged?  Let me know via message or ask box!

[mostly-marvel-musings]

hi can u write a bucky femxreader where they hate each other and have a really loud yelling and fighting session and then it turns into a heated passionate makeout sesh and it goes from there (enemies to lovers hate sex!!!!)

Sparring

A/N: Okay here we have some angry sex with Mr Barnes, let me know if I nailed it!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: 18+ smut, angry sex.

Word count: 1.4+

Requests & Challenges

Bucky Barnes Taglist - @marvelgirl7

Everything Taglist – @godofplumsandthunder @ladyacrasia @agustdowney @swaggysposts @littlegasps @little-baby-vixen @another-stark-sub @supraveng @kahlanmars @disappointmentofthefam @pandaxnienke @tom-hlover @just-the-hiddles @fyreball66 @asmigurub @avantgardium-leviosa @imerdwarf @gladiosamicitias @fanofalltheficsx @ladyburberry

Taglists are open folks! Send me an ask or DM to be included in any of these ;))

“Again!”

Your arch nemesis yelled as you landed on the rubber mat with a huff, back hurting from being repeatedly thrown around during the sparring session. It wasn’t your day apparently and you kept missing punches and ended up on the floor more than you should have. Your sparring partner was a trainee which added insult to injury and given that you were being judged and yelled at by James Buchanan Barnes was just another blow to your ego.

It was no secret that you two didn’t get along. Years ago when he was the Winter Soldier, you had been sent by Shield to track him down in Bucharest which had gone south very quickly. You had almost lost your life and if weren’t for Natasha coming to your rescue, you wouldn’t have been here to hate him. The permanent scar on your abdomen thanks to his metal arm and the fact he’d choked you until you’d passed out – the now invisible finger marks around your throat were enough to remind you of all the hatred you felt towards him even years after he’d joined the good side.

“Are you snoozing over there (Y/L/N)? We’re not done just yet, let’s try it again.” Bucky’s harsh voice snapped you out of it as your opponent helped you stand up. You glanced at the man who had a look of disapproval on his face.

Channeling your rage was easy, you managed to get a few good kicks in and knocked your partner Jake down a couple of times, eyes flitting towards Bucky to make sure he was looking at your progress, but he didn’t seem fazed. Rolling your eyes, you went over to grab water from your gym bag to take a breather when Bucky stopped you.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Taking a little break. Don’t I get five minutes?”

“You’ll get a break when I say you can.”

“Hey I think we’ve had enough, we can call it a day.” Your partner offered, trying to diffuse the tension that was building.

He dismissed Jake but asked you to get back on the mats with him instead, you knew this was coming. You went for the water anyway while Jake got his things and left sending a sympathetic look your way as you wiped some sweat off with a towel.

Bucky flexed his arms till you joined back, just a little show off that you didn’t care about before you prepared yourself, guards up. You had to ignore his critical look at your stance otherwise you were sure to have punched him in the face right there and then.

You were quick to attack first but it was almost as if he was expecting the move, he dodged it with minimum effort and held you in a headlock, the metal arm around your neck while the other held your head making it slightly difficult for you to breathe.

“That was sloppy.”

His voice was low and breathy against your ear while you made futile attempts to free yourself. He did you a favour and let go, only to land a kick against your sides which you thankfully blocked just in time.

The sparring session went on for a while with you taking blow after blow, blocking a mere handful but adding to Bucky’s annoyance and your own rage. A final move had you pinned underneath him, his face inches from your own, the dog tags he always wore clinking against each other as they fell out of his training shirt. Bucky’s eyes shamelessly roamed over your heaving chest as the sweat made your skin glisten, the strands of hair that escaped your ponytail and clung to your forehead, your eyes that bore into his, defeat hidden beneath the simmering fire.

“I thought you were one of the good ones (Y/N). You disappoint me.”

“It’s funny how I thought the exact same thing about you Barnes.” You seethed before you pushed him off, stood up and went towards the bench where your bag was.

“We’re not done h—”

“Yes we are! I think I’ve had enough humiliation to last me a decade from you today. I don’t care if what you say, I’m done.” You turned around heatedly as you yelled, your voice echoing in the empty gym, stopping Bucky in his tracks as he watched angry tears gather in your eyes.

“You let emotions get in the way (Y/L/N) that never makes for a good agent which I had my doubts if you were, now it’s pretty clear.”

“Oh I’m sorry not all of us were brainwashed to be cold-hearted assassins Barnes.”

That was a step too far, you knew it, he knew it, but you were practically fuming at this point and it just slipped out.  

Bucky took slow, deliberate steps towards you, making you back away until your back hit the wall, as he stopped right at the point where your chests were almost touching. His human arm slid along your sides before he wrapped his hand around your throat.

“I can be cold-hearted when it comes to others things too little girl.” He whispered dangerously, the grip tightening just a little, enough to elicit a whimper from your lips.

“Don’t call me a little g—”

Before you could finish, his mouth slanted over yours in a bruising kiss that took you by surprise at first but soon you found yourself kissing him back with equal if not greater fervour. Wedging his knee to push your legs apart, his hand left your throat to pull the straps of your sports bra down to expose your breasts. Bucky’s tongue mingled against yours in an assault while he kneaded your breasts before tracing a pattern down your neck to the valley between your breasts where he sucked possessively. A groan fell from your lips when he grazed his teeth over your pert nipples.

Your hands desperately grabbed his shirt before pulling it over his head and throwing it somewhere in the back. He picked you up by the back of your knees before taking you over to a bench and carefully laying you on it, all while attacking your mouth with his ruthless kisses. Your eyes remained shut as you felt trapped in a heady mix of the need you felt for this man and the desire to have him in you right here in the compound gym and you were sure he felt the same as your leggings slid down your legs along with your panties to join the heap of clothes on the floor.

“You’re soaked baby girl… is that for me?”

Bucky’s fingers toyed with your glistening folds before sliding a finger inside as you gasped at the intrusion. Your eyes flew open just enough to watch him close his lips over your bundle of nerves while he added another finger, stroking your walls and stretching you out. Just as you were about to cum, Bucky pulled his fingers out causing you to whine out loud.

“Cold-hearted assassin was it?”

Previous anger came flooding back as you sat up only to push Bucky on the floor as he stared back at you, equal parts surprised and impressed. Undoing his pants in a hurry, you freed his erection and pumped his cock a few times, swiping your thumb across the tip to collect the precum. He watched you in awe as you worked him up, doing absolutely nothing to stop you as you straddled his hips before sinking down on his length.

“Oh fuck…”

“Where was all this aggression?” Bucky growled, grabbing your hair roughly to pull you down for a kiss as you began rolling your hips. Your eyes mapped every plain and dip of his chiselled torso all while your mind thought of ways to make him shut up.

Your nails scratched marks on his shoulders as you picked up the pace gradually, your sensitive nub brushing against his pubic bone every time but you wanted more. You drew tight circles with your own hand chasing your release before Bucky slapped it away only to replace it with his own deft fingers.

He began thrusting up faster, jaw clenched to suppress his moans, filling the room with the sounds of skin slapping against skin and your mewls as your walls fluttered around his cock deliciously, your orgasm consuming you whole, clouding your thoughts and triggering his release as his cock twitched before filling you with thick ropes of cum.

You collapsed against his sweat-lined chest and lay there for a bit, slowly floating back to the land of the living.

“Why do you hate me?” Bucky asked after you parted to put your clothes back on.

“Why do you?” You countered.

“You’re an obstinate incorrigible woman.”

“And you’re an arrogant piece of shit.”

The glares you gave each other melted away as smiles began appearing in place of them as you head out of the gym together, the after effects of your activities showing.

“You want to grab a bite to eat later?”

“No. I still don’t like you Barnes.”

[compassionatereminders]

Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Summary

(The full post with elaborate explanations can be found here.)

Being a responsible adult doesn’t have to mean doing things perfectly - it means doing what you realistically can. Can’t eat 7 fresh veggies and fruits a day? Buy some veggie juice or a smoothie and chug that. Can’t make a proper, healthy meal? Add some extra protein to your instant noodles. Can’t do the dishes? Buy some paper plates. Don’t worry about doing things “the right way”, just do what works.

It’s not cheating to do something the easy way. If there’s an easy or more manageable solution available, use it. Even if some people think it’s lazy. Don’t worry about that. Just focus on finding the methods of doing things which make life easier for you.

Fuck what you’re “supposed” to do. Yes, ideally you shouldn’t run the dishwasher twice, but if cleansing the dishes by hand is not an option and that’s the only way you can get clean dishes, do it anyways! When you’re in a really bad place mentally, fuck the rules. Do what you need to do to get shit done, even if it’s not how you’re supposed to do it.

Do stuff while you’re waiting to do other stuff. We spend a lot of time waiting, so spend the time you’d normally just waste getting some chores done. Collect the trash while your roommate is in the bathroom or wipe down the kitchen counters while you’re making coffee. You can even turn it into a game! How many dishes can you clean before the potatoes are boiling? How much trash can you collect and throw out before your load of laundry is done?

You don’t have to do everything at once. Don’t wait for the day where you’re up for cleaning the entire house cause then you’ll be waiting for ages. You can wipe down one counter and call it a day. You can put away a couple things and leave the rest. You can do one small chore and let that be it. You don’t have to choose between doing everything and doing nothing. Any progress is worthwhile.

Let go of the idea that something has to become a permanent habit to have any value. Doing a certain sport for a month is still healthy even if you then move on to something else. Exploring a new hobby for a while and then moving on to other stuff will always teach you something. What’s good for you today will not necessarily be what’s good for you tomorrow.

Don’t worry about the entire task. Just focus on the first step. Don’t worry about brushing your teeth - just get your toothbrush wet and put tooth paste on it. Don’t worry about writing the essay - just look at the assignment and open a document. Don’t worry about going to the store - just put on your coat and your shoes. Starting a task is a lot easier if you only focus on the step right in front of you.

Imagine that your body is a pet/animal you have to care for. Feed and hydrate yourself, keep yourself and your environment clean, make sure you don’t get under or overstimulated, allow yourself time to rest and relax, find ways to enrich your life (like socializing, media or hobbies) - and do your best to make sure you’re healthy and happy, even though you never actually signed up for being your own zookeeper.

Just because you can’t do it perfectly doesn’t mean you should stop trying. Packing lunch a couple times a week is better than never packing lunches. Journaling or making art once a month is better than never doing anything creative. Exercising every once in a while when you have the energy is better than never exercising. You don’t have to do something every single day for it to be important and helpful.

Put on a professional persona when it’s necessary. Try to separate the anxious and dysfunctional you from the Student You who’s sending that important email or the Client You who’s making that phone call or the Customer You who isn’t afraid to ask for help. It might feel like you’re performing a role, but to be honest, most of us do at times.

When you’re doing chores, act like you’re filming a tutorial. Narrate what you’re doing like someone’s watching. That might make it easier to maintain focus and to keep track of the various steps.

You don’t have to do anything perfectly. Wiping yourself off with some baby wipes beats not doing anything about your personal hygiene. Eating a protein bar beats not eating. Using mouthwash beats neglecting dental hygiene completely. Going for a quick walk beats not moving. It doesn’t have to be perfect to count and make a difference.

Make something you know you have to do the trigger for you to start doing something else. Tell yourself “next time I get up to pee I’ll take out the trash” or “when I get up to get something to drink next I’ll make lunch.” If you HAVE to get up anyways, you might as well.

Assign yourself a deadline. Tell yourself “once this video is over, I’ll do the dishes” or “once this alarm rings, I’ll do my laundry.” 

If you struggle to be compassionate towards yourself, try visualizing your future self as a separate person who you like and want to do favors for. Try to think of your future self as a friend who is separate from your current self and do what you can to make their life easier by doing things like preparing that lunch, doing those chores, taking that shower or making fun plans. I know they’ll be grateful.

Make putting stuff back where it belongs so easy that you “might as well.” Organize your home so that placing stuff where it belongs becomes so easy that you might as well just place it there. For many people that means several laundry baskets, many trash cans and easily accessible and very visible storage options. So if you keep finding things in annoying places, make sure they get an easily accessible home!

Look into why you can’t do something. Is something about the chores you’re struggling to do actually causing you sensory distress and is there something you can do to make it more comfortable? If you hate mint toothpaste, get one that tastes like bubble gum. If old food grosses you out, do the dishes with thick gloves on. If showering makes you feel bad about your body, shower with the lights off. The problem isn’t always about self discipline, and in those cases it’s worth looking into why you’re struggling so much to get certain chores done.

Take care of yourself in order to take care of others ( whether pets or people.) Outside motivation is necessary for many people who struggle with executive dysfunction. For many people getting out of bed is easier when you know someone else is relying on you being somewhat functional. So don’t be afraid to find the motivation to take care of yourself in wanting to take care of others.

Make keeping your place clean as easy as possible. Make sure there’s easy one step access to the things you need often. Make sure that the place where a thing is supposed to be is actually within reach of where you use the thing. Make sure everything has a an easily accessible place to go, even if that means several laundry baskets and several trash cans. Examine what’s messing up your place and find a home for it where you’re likely to actually place it on a regular basis.

Choose one very specific thing to work on - like the bathroom sink or the oven or your desk. If you suffer from executive dysfunction you’ll likely be distracted, but having one specific focus point you can keep returning to will mean that in between getting distracted, you can return to your chosen project and get some shit done.

When something feels overwhelming, tell yourself to “just show up” and that you “won’t have to stay the whole time if it’s horrible.” Cause odds are that once you’ve pushed past your initial mental block, you’re likely to stay and finish what you started.

If you really can’t do something, accept your limits and find a different method. Don’t keep trying to push through via willpower alone. If you need outside accountability to get your shit done, find someone who can hold you accountable. If you know you can’t remember the stuff you’re supposed to remember, make sure to always write things down. If you keep forgetting your meds, set a daily alarm. Don’t keep expecting yourself to be able to do things you always struggle with.

Make your chores into a game. Assign certain chores certain points and make a list of fun rewards you can have once you’ve earned a certain amount of points through doing chores.

If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing poorly. Any amount of effort is better than none, so on days where you can’t do something well, do it anyways! Any amount of progress beats not getting started.

Find a momentum and use it to do that thing you’ve been struggling to start doing. You can’t get yourself together to shower? Well, find something you CAN do - and once you’re already doing something, you might be able to channel said energy into showering.

Take it one step at a time. I know a shower sounds overwhelming, but can you take your clothes off? If yes, can you turn on the shower? If yes, can you stand under the stream? Look who just tricked themselves into doing the thing by breaking it down into manageable chunks!

Don’t just break a task into smaller steps - break it into steps so small you can’t possible get overwhelmed and fuck up. “Clean my room” is far too vague - but “set a timer and collect all the trash you can in 10 minutes” is actually manageable and so is “move all dirty dishes to the kitchen” or “remove and/or sort all clothes laying on the floor.”

Don’t worry about how most people do things - worry about what works for YOU. You constantly lose your key? Make ten copies. You overlook your post it notes? Put something with the important reminder on it in front of the door. Got laundry and trash all over the floor? Get more laundry baskets/trash cans. Coping with executive dysfunction is not about learning to do things the neurotypical way, it’s about finding strategies which actually work for you.

When you’re overwhelmed and struggling, find the easiest and fastest way to get rid of some of the distress. Eat if you’re hungry, sleep if you’re tired, pee if you have to, get that thing you’ve been postponing done if you can. The more stressors you can remove, the better - and it’s okay to start with the smaller ones!

Don’t worry about aesthetics. When you struggle with executive dysfunction, maintaining a picture perfect home is probably unrealistic. So drop that dream and focus on making your space practical and functional. Remove the doors of your kitchen cabinets and closets if that will actually make you put stuff away. Get a paper shredder and a mail sorting station if you got mail and advertisements everywhere. Buy all your socks in one color if you struggle to pair them. There are many ways to make your environment more functional. Explore them instead of just trying and failing to make your home look nice.

Get started on your next task before you take your break. Write that first sentence, make that first sketch, get the vacuum cleaner out of the closet or collect the dishes for washing and THEN have your break. Many people with executive dysfunction struggle to start tasks, so for most of us it’s easier to continue something we’ve already started working on than to begin from scratch.

[bad-boy-halo-simp]

soft sex with dream (female reader|she/they pronouns too please:) just lots of praising and fluff you can ignore this but I'm just craving some love🤧

Yes yes yes absolutely❣️ :D

Anything for you @egirlmelody my beloved❣️

I was halfway asleep while writing this so I’m sorry if it’s not great😅

Dream x afab!reader

18+

Warnings: smut, vaginal penetration, smut

It was about 6 o’clock in the evening and you hadn’t seen your boyfriend very much since you two had woken up. Just the occasional bathroom break and the couple of times you checked on him throughout the day to see if he needed anything to eat or drink but other than that you really didn’t want to bother him in case he was filming or editing. At one point you had enough, getting desperate to feel Dream’s arms tight around you, so you decided to order a pizza for dinner because you knew it was his favorite before tiptoeing up the stairs to your shared bedroom.

Pressing your ear to the door, you heard a long sigh and a pop of some kind before knocking ever so softly, just loud enough to get his attention. “You can come in,” Dream said while mid-yawn. The door creaked on its hinges as you pushed it open just enough to peek in and see him stretching. “Hey, how are you feeling?” You asked as you approached your lover from behind before draping your arms over his shoulders. “I’ve missed you,” you pouted while giving him a quick squeeze.

“Oh, ha- I’m sorry about that. I guess I sorta lost track of time, ya know? I got a lot done today though,” you could hear the pride in his voice from the days accomplishments. Something you had noticed while dating him was how if he started a project he wouldn’t stop it until it was complete even if it wore him down more than it should. You could feel him reach up to touch your arms as he tossed his head back to rest on your shoulder, a long satisfied sigh escaping his lips as his eyes fluttered shut.

“Well, I’m very proud of you. You did great today Dream. I love you,” you whispered, holding your boyfriend securely to your chest. His eyes quickly shot open and he sat straight up before spinning around in his gamer chair to face you. “You mean it?” He asked, his eyes wide and bright with excitement. All it took was a nod and a quiet giggle from you to have him pull you onto his lap by your hips, straddling his waist and facing him.

“How did I get lucky enough to have a woman like you in my life?” He asked as he began to press kissed all over your neck and collarbone as his hands remained steadily on your hips. “I should be asking you the same thing,” your voice came out a bit more shaky and breathy than you meant for it to. His lips felt warm against your skin, something just so loving and comforting about the way he held you. His rough hands began making their way up and down your sides as he continued to attach your neck and jawline with kissed, each one getting sloppier and more intimate as he progressed.

At one point, your foggy mind beginning to clear, you had noticed how he started giving you feint hickeys all over your neck which you didn’t mind in the slightest. “Are you okay with this?” He panted out as his hands stilled while holding the end of your shirt, waiting for your consent before removing it. A quick nod was all it took from you before your shirt was removed from your body and bunched up on the floor in the blink of an eye. You could feel the arousal between your legs growing more intense with every one of his actions.

Unclipping your bra had become an easy task for him considering how many times he had done it in the past, seeing himself a borderline expert on bra removing. “God, you’re so beautiful,” he mumbled as he cupped your breasts in his hands, feeling and groping at the jiggly, warm flesh. “Thank you,” your response felt awkward and embarrassing to say out loud but he didn’t mind one bit, offering a sweet smile in return.

You stood up just for a second as you slipped your shorts and panties down your legs and onto the floor near where your shirt and discarded bra were sitting. While you were up and off his lap, Dream was quick with pulling his sweatpants and boxers halfway down his thighs, exposing his erect cock as a bead of pre-cum began to form on the slit of the tip. His hands returned to their place on your hips as you mounted him once again, your cunt aching to be stuffed by him.

He rocked his hips back and forth while smearing the pre-cum all over your opening, lubing you up and preparing you to take him inside. “I’m gonna put it in now. Is that alright?” He asked as his tip caught on your entrance causing him to let out a shaky gasp. “Yes, please yes,” the mild desperation in your voice was quickly picked up by him as he slowly and tentatively pushed the head into you, watching for any reaction from you. After a few seconds of letting you adjust, he began to push deeper inch by inch until you couldn’t take anymore.

“Mmm good girl, taking my dick so well. Fuck, you’re so god damn sexy,” his words echoed in your head as he bit his lip firmly to keep himself from thrusting up into you before you were ready. His arms wrapped around your waist before pulling you into a tight embrace, letting your face bury itself in his neck as he whispered how uh he loved you into your ear.

“You feel so good around me, baby. So tight and warm, shit-,” his words cut off as you felt his hips jerk, testing a small thrust and gauging your reaction to see if you could handle it yet. A gasp escaped your lips, followed directly by a harsh moan as the pleasure from the sudden thrust upwards crashed over you. “I’m gonna start moving now, alright baby?”

“Mhmm, yes. Fuck me Dream. I need you,” your voice was somewhat muffled into his neck but he understood you just fine. His thrusts started off slowly and much more sensual, thrusting up into your tight wetness at a gentle and steady pace while holding your body close to his own. “You always make me feel so fucking good y/n. Always squeezing my dick so tight in your pretty little cunt. God, you’re so perfect,” the sound of wet skin against itself started off as being barely audible quickly became louder in volume as he bounced you on his cock.

“Good girl angel, such a good girl for me. So beautiful,” his words faded into grunts and breathy moans as his hips sped up their pistoning motions. He didn’t want to admit it but he was already starting to get close to his own climax, but so were you. “I’m- oh god. I’m gonna- getting close,” your voice was wavering and your grasp on him got tighter as the coil in your lower stomach began to tighten at an alarmingly fast pace. “Yeah? Are you gonna c- ahh... cum for me like a good girl?” A nod was all you could manage as your eyes stayed screwed shut. Within a matter of seconds the coil snapped and the rapidly approaching orgasm ripped through your body violently, causing your body to arch and tremble in his tight grasp. A white hot sensation of ecstasy shook you to your core without you being able to prepare yourself. “Oh fuck baby, can- shit. Can I cum inside?” His hips didn’t stop thrusting upwards even for a second as he awaited your response. Tears had formed in your eyes and you felt dizzy as you came back down from your high.

“Please yes!! Cum inside me, baby!! I want to feel it inside!!” You yelled out as the sensations all began to be too much, your body feeling exhausted and completely drained. With a harsh grunt and a few shaky moans your boyfriend had finished inside of you, his cock keeping the hot white liquid plugged inside of you. You felt weak as you caressed his cheek and looked into his eyes, your legs aching like hell but you didn’t want to say anything to ruin the moment.

“Fuck,” he panted. “I love you so fucking much,” he panted as he found a comfortable place for his face to rest between your breasts. The two of you rested in each other’s embrace for about 5 minutes to catch your breath. “I know right now isn’t the best time but there’s pizza downstairs,” you mumbled as he held you close. A husky chuckle escaped his lips as he looked up at you. “You keep proving my point about how perfect you are.”