#you may not like it but this is the ideal male as well as female body

[eetherealgoddess]

ꨄSpiked with Loveꨄ

Oneshot - Yandere Love Spell Au

❦You cast a love spell on your boss and fellow executives❦

Sano Manjiro, Hanemiya Kazutora, Sanzu Haruchiyo, & Haitani Brothers x Reader

Not fully proofread

MY TR FANDOM WORKS ARE ONLY ON TUMBLR, AO3, AND WATTPAD UNDER EETHEREALGODDESS! REPORT IF YOU SEE IT POSTED UNDER ANYONE ELSE BUT ME!!!

I apologize if I get any Japanese etiquette or culture wrong, I literally have to research the culture for some of my fandom stories so if anything is wrong, please excuse my ignorance.

Notice:

✩Y/n is 18+. I picture her as a black female but you can see her however.

✩Some parts of the story may not be realistic or factual. After all, this is a work of fiction.

✩Although it's a dark 'romance,' I do not condone any of the behavior displayed.

✩Dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit sexual content, etc.

✩There may be scenes that involve non con and/ or dubcon so don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable

✩That being said, this story is for 18+ only.

Enjoy!

Spiked with Love

You frown as you sit in the vip section of the strip club, women all over four of the men you fancy. Of course, you know you have no right to be angry over the display towards either party. You just couldn’t help the drop of your stomach as you eye the woman sitting on Ran’s lap as he places the cigar between her lips, nor Rin pouring the bottle of alcohol into the woman's mouth, eyeing the way her tongue sticks out with lust. You also didn’t appreciate the display of Kazutora moving his lips against the stripper’s mouth with his fingers against her chin, nor the woman who’s allowing Sanzu to sniff cocaine off of her bare breasts. Fortunately, your boss never attends these kind of ordeals unless it’s for business so he treats everyone the same. You sat with your legs and arms crossed, pulling out your phone as you sigh, joint in one hand.

It’s a shame really, to be the only woman amongst many men and not one of them give you a second look. Nobody pays attention to you, nobody sees you in the way you want, nor even in an intimate way with no strings attached. No one has even flirted with you in a teasing manner as they do with other women. It was a good thing considering your position. It wouldn’t be smart to date such dangerous men who you could barely trust in the first place, but it’s not like you could help your feelings. You’ve always been into the not so ideal male. So as you sit, you scroll through the app, coming across a video that catches your eye. You get up from your spot and walk to the bathroom.

You watch the video after pressing play, eyeing the screen as it displayed a modern witch giving directions on how to complete a love ritual. Saving the video, you decide to make your way out of the club and have the driver take you to your own penthouse, guessing the men will be at the strip club for a while. When you make it home, you immediately make your way to your old altar that you hadn’t touched in years. Residue spices and herbs sat as well as the mini cauldron and old candle sticks. You set everything up the way she directed, making sure everything was set before lighting the candle. You closed your eyes, getting in the zone before repeating what was chanted. Once you finish, you place the written out names under your pillow and fall asleep.

The morning came and you hopped out of bed, showering and dressing in your usual Bonten attire. Once you walk out of the penthouse, you hop into the car, the driver taking you to Bonten’s headquarters. When you arrive, you walk through the doors and head straight to your boss’s office. When you walk in, you sit in your usual seat. Your boss gives the orders for the day, the meeting lasting about thirty minutes before he dismisses everyone.

“Y/n. You stay behind.”

You nod, though feeling confused as to what he needs you to stay after for. Once the room was empty besides you and Mikey, he eyed you for a while, seeming to study you. You shift in discomfort, not used to a gaze this long from him.

“You will work under Koko in his office. You are no longer needed for missions.” Your eyes widen.

“W-wait, Boss! Did I do something wrong?” You were completely distraught. Why is your position being lowered to a secretary?

“No.” Your eyebrow raises though you try to maintain a straight face.

“O-okay, Boss.” You didn’t want to trigger him by asking any questions considering he hates to be questioned.

He nods, dismissing you. You missed his gaze as you walked out of the room, confused and a little distraught.

Getting through the day as Kokonoi’s assistant, you huffed once you made it home in disappointment. Not only did you not see any changes with the men's behavior, you even got demoted.

Irritated and troubled, you pull up the dating app you downloaded for moments like these. A hookup will do you some good, allowing yourself to distract from everyday life. Once you found a guy to temporarily satiate your needs, you messaged him a straightforward offer. He complied and claimed to be on the way. As you changed out of your work clothes to something more casual, you heard a knock at your door.

With furrowed brows you opened it, raising them in surprise at the tiger tattooed man that showed up unannounced.

“Hey, Y/n.” He greets as he pushes past you, walking in. Your eyes widened, running in front of him and holding your hands up.

“Kazutora, what are you doing here?”

“Bored. Came to hang out.” He shrugged before plopping on your couch.

“Unannounced?” He smirked at you while propping his shoes on your coffee table, crossing his leg over.

“You know you like my company.” He chuckled, causing your face to warm up.

“It’s just not a good time, right now.” You said, scratching the back of your head as you anxiously eye the door, nervous of the embarrassment that will come if he figures out your plan for the night.

A knock interrupted your thoughts. You walk to the door, opening it and greeting the stranger before inviting him in. The tension in the air seemed to thicken not by your anxiety but by the aura seeming to emit from the energy of the room.

“Uh, yeah. This is…?” You eye the newcomer for his name.

“Sato Riku.” You nod with a sheepish smile.

You have no clue why you’re introducing him considering you have no reason to, but the way Kazutora is quiet with a stoic expression is making you feel awkward. Your eyes widened when he leaned forward and grabbed the remote. He turned the television on, scrolling through as if nothing had been said.

“Oh yeah, did that treatment for chlamydia work?” You gasped. Your ‘date’ looked at you in surprise. You’ve never been treated for chlamydia so you don’t know why he just said that.

“I’ve never…”

“You don’t have to tell me right now, you can just tell me later.” Kazutora shrugged. Sato eyed both of you before walking to the door.

“W-wait!” Before you could continue, he had already walked out of the door.

“What the fuck, Kazutora?” You exclaim angrily.

“Hey, I just saved you from putting a shrimp in your mouth. You should be thanking me.” He says before hopping up, smirking at you.

You couldn’t respond as he walked out of the front door. Sighing, you decide to change and go out for the night since your plan had been ruined. You refreshed your makeup and added a little bit of color to your eyeshadow. Once you were done, you left the penthouse. The driver takes you to a club not owned by the Haitani brothers since you wanted a different scene.

Red and purple lights flash as the sound of music causes the building to vibrate, the crowd buzzing with chatter and laughter as different people enjoy their time. You immediately head to the bar, ordering multiple shots and swallowing them down before walking to the dance floor. While you danced the night away a random male pulled you closer as he danced against you, hands on your hips behind you as his body pressed against yours. You turn your head slightly to see the man’s appearance.

Found my replacement for the night.

You turn your head back to the front as you grind your body back against the stranger, your arms raising as you close your eyes and sway your hips to the music. For a second you felt emptiness behind you causing you to turn around only for hands to replace themselves back on your hips. You internally shrug and continue to move your body against the man. A presence looms over you as you look up in surprise.

“Rin?” You eye the Haitani in front of you as you halt your movements.

“Having fun grinding on my brother?” Your eyes widen when you swiftly turn behind you, hands disappearing from your hips as you push him back with one hand.

“R-Ran?” You exclaim. He looks down at you with a smirk.

“Who knew you could move like that?” You feel warmth on your face as you look between the brothers.

“Where did that guy go?”

“What guy?” Ran questions while tilting his head. Your eyebrows furrow.

Am I imagining things? I literally looked at the guy behind me earlier, right? Have I been dancing on Ran the whole time?

Your eyes widen.

Holy shit! I’ve been dancing on Ran the whole time!

“U-uh, I…” You stammer over your words as realization hits that you’ve been grinding on one of the men you fancy, though it’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s still nerve wracking. Especially when he’s your coworker.

“No need to feel embarrassed, Y/n” Ran’s fingers connect to your chin before gently lifting your face. His heavy lidded orbs meet your gaze, a look you’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing before except from the sidelines.

I…Is he coming onto me?

“I need to go!” You say before you push past him and rush out of the building, shoving through the crowd before you make your abrupt exit.

What the hell? Am I overthinking or did that just happen? Did he just flirt with me? And he let me dance on him!

It took you a moment to hit the realization that this change of behavior has to be from that spell you casted. You shook your head as you hopped into the seat, your driver leading you home.

There’s no way. There’s no freaking way that worked!

You know that spells can work but you didn’t think it would work for you. It just couldn’t.

When you reached your home you rushed inside, zoned out in thought the entire time you changed and wiped your makeup off. When you got in bed, you binged different videos about love spells and how to know if they worked. It’s obvious really but you just couldn’t accept how easy it was.

Morning rises and with only two hours of sleep you sluggishly dressed yourself as well as completed your morning routine. Walking out of the lobby you yawned as you entered the back seat. When you arrived at Bonten’s headquarters you immediately met with Kokonoi to receive your assignment for the shift, not required to attend the meetings now that you are no longer an executive. The thought still disappoints you.

Sitting at a desk, after you get done organizing some paperwork, you feel as though you’re being watched. Your body tenses as you look over your shoulder. You release a sigh when you see that Sanzu is sitting on the couch behind you.

“When did you get in here?” You mask your nervousness as you shift your attention away from the crazed beauty.

Sanzu’s presence always made you nervous. Honestly all of them do but he tops the rest considering he was the first one out of the executives to catch your eye. Clearly your type is pretty and toxic. Yes, you have terrible taste in men. You’ve accepted that fact. What you found particularly interesting about Sanzu is that he had two different versions of himself. One is quiet, sneaky, and reserved while the other is crazy, extroverted, and wild. The second one is usually when he’s on drugs. If the love spell were to work, you’re definitely curious on how it would show up from him.

You took the last sip of your coffee before clearing your thoughts to focus on your screen. You begin to feel drowsy before you break out in cold sweat. You breathe heavily as your eyebrows furrow while you try to gain control of your weakened limbs. Before the upper half of your body can completely fall on the keyboard, you're pulled out of your seat and placed on the couch.

Blue orbs and pink hair fill your blurry vision as you look at the culprit above you who uses his hand to palm your face, thumb connecting to your chin as he pulls your head to the side. He analyzes your face as well as shifting his gaze down your body. The only thing you could hear is your breathing as he traced along your collarbone with his other hand, thumb caressing your chin before moving to your forehead. It’s as if he's studying an experiment.

“S-Sanzu?” You whisper.

What the hell is going on with him? What’s going on with my body? Why can’t I move on my own? Did he drug me?

“Shh.” He places a finger over his mouth before he leans over, the hand on your face moving your head to the side as his fingers trace down your neck. If your body wasn’t drugged you would’ve jumped at the hot breath against your neck. You would’ve tensed at the lips connecting to your skin so gently that it almost felt unreal. All of a sudden a gun is pulled out as Sanzu faces the door behind him, aiming it at the newcomer.

“Oh don’t mind me.” Kazutora says with a grin while his hands rise in surrender. He walked closer until he stood above you right next to the couch.

“Get out.” Sanzu growls before placing the gun back in his holster. The tiger tattooed man leans over to observe your state. He releases a chuckle before straightening his back.

“Wow, what did you give her?”

“None of your business.” He says with his voice low before returning his gaze back to you, tracing your skin once more without a care for the third party who intruded.

“Boss needs us for a mission.” He states in response before placing his hand on your forehead, thumb caressing the skin.

If you weren’t so out of it you’d be giddy with joy that they’re finally paying attention to you. Unfortunately, you can barely feel your own body let alone anything more than that. You also wonder what drug is exactly in your system. Sanzu stands from the couch and walks out of the room, Kazutora following behind as he gives you one last look before shutting the door.

Assholes. I need to get up before I get in trouble for lazing around.

You ended up falling into a deep sleep. Only to wake up to dark eyes staring down at you. You gasp before swiftly sitting up, eyeing your boss in fear.

“S-sorry about this, Boss! I’ll get back to work right now!” You exclaim. Before you can hop off of the couch, Mikey places a hand on your shoulder.

“Come with me.”

He walks away before you can respond. You had no choice but to follow behind, nervous of what punishment you would receive from slacking. You follow him outside as you both step into the ride, the driver taking you both to Mikey’s estate. When you walk into the lobby, you head up the elevator and reach a spacious living space.

Is this Mikey’s home? Why are we here? Well, why did he bring me here?

He disappears for a little while before returning with a spare pair of clothes, you eyeing his own change of outfit.

“Change and come to my bedroom.” Your eyes widen at his bold statement. He walks away as you are frozen in your spot.

It feels like one of your fantasies has come true though you don’t know how to act. You change your clothes and lie your own outfit folded on the couch. You walk to the hall and search for his bedroom. When you reached the room, you paused while eyeing him and turned the other way on his bed.

Does he want me to hop in? I don’t want to if he doesn’t want that. Oh come on, Y/n stop playing stupid why else would he ask you to come in here? To be fair he’s never requested something like this so I don’t know what he wants.

He turns to face you and pulls the comforter up as if inviting you into that spot. You tense once more before you comply with your Boss’s demands. You slowly climb into the bed as if to give him time to correct you. Once you get comfortable, you lie on your back and stare at the ceiling, ignoring the burning gaze from beside you.

You turn in the opposite direction, facing the door and lying in the fetal position as you try to calm your pounding heart. You hold back a gasp as you feel an arm slither around your waist. His warm body closes in behind you as you're pulled back against his chest.

Is… Is Mikey spooning me right now?

“Y/n.” He whispers. “Look at me.” You bite your lip before slowly turning on your back, Mikey keeping his hold on you as you keep your gaze on the ceiling.

A hand places itself on your chin before turning your attention to him. You gaze at the red hue covering his face as his orbs bore into yours. You watch as his eyes shift to your lips before he leans in. You stay frozen in your spot while his lips meet yours.

Fuck it.

You lean into the kiss, moving your lips against his as your eyelids flutter shut. The grip on your face tightens before he slowly climbs on top of you, resting his body in between your legs as your fingers massage his head, slightly pulling him closer as he props your legs up to crouch above you in missionary position.

He disconnects your lips before nuzzling his face between your shoulder, lips lapping onto your neck before giving the skin a long lick. He closes his mouth around the dermis and sucks a bruise onto the surface. You breathe heavily as his hands move down to your covered breasts, groping the mounds as he rutts himself against you. The bulge makes contact with your vulva through the fabric. He quietly moans as you grind against him eagerly, heat rising as all the sensations sensitize you to every contact your skin makes. Suddenly he pulls back and stares down at you while breathing heavily. You gaze at him while catching your breath.

“Get out.” He says before hopping off of you.

Your eyebrows furrow in concern and confusion.

Did I do something wrong? Did I make him uncomfortable?

You don’t hesitate to jump out of the bed and rush out of the room, tears forming from embarrassment and rejection.

Shit.

You quickly change back into your suit and head out of the building. Unfortunately, your driver is off duty so you grab the nearest taxi that’s out late at night. You ride home quietly, sulking in the backseat as you reach your penthouse. When you get inside you undress, hopping into the shower to scrub yourself harshly.

Why did he switch up like that? I hope I didn’t do anything wrong. This is so fucking humiliating.

You determined that even though the love spell worked, because they didn’t even have feelings for you in the first place, it’s all fake. None of it is real. None of the attention or affection are real. When you finished with your shower you got into bed and covered yourself with blankets, wishing you could disappear.

The next day you were rudely woken up by someone pulling your curtains open.

“Rise and shine.” Rin says as you groan in response. He snatches your blankets off causing you to shriek. You sit up and eye the brothers, Ran leaning against your doorway while Rin stands by your bed.

“What the hell are you two doing in my house?”

“You didn’t show up to work.” Rin crossed his arms. “Guess you were just being lazy.”

“What? It’s not ti-.” You cut yourself off when you eye your phone’s clock, displaying that your sleep surpassed the morning and afternoon.

Damn. I was knocked out for so long.

“You’re lucky Boss let it go.” Rin states.

“Get dressed.” Ran says. One of your eyebrows raises.

“For what?”

“We’re going out tonight.”

“Where?”

“Meeting the others at one of our clubs.” The others?

“So come on!” Rin says impatiently before they leave you in your bedroom.

By the time you finished getting ready, night fell as the sun disappeared. All three of you walk to the car, Ran holds the door open for you while you climb into your seat. Once you reached the club you all walked to the designated vip section, greeted by Kazutora while Sanzu sniffed a line of cocaine.

What you weren’t expecting was to see Mikey sitting on one of the accent chairs. Your face warmths from the memory of last night, recollecting your heated make out session before you felt shame rise from how it ended. You internally shake your head before walking to your own seat.

“Y/n.”

You look up at your boss who motions for you to come over. Fear stricken by what he might do to you for last night, you comply. Your eyebrows furrow when he points at his lap.

“Sit.” You freeze in disbelief.

“A-are you sure, Boss?” His expression stays stoic.

“You questioning me?” You immediately shake your head before sitting on his lap feeling uneasy by the stares you’re receiving. Everyone turns their attention back to what they’re doing.

“You’re such a distraction.” He whispers before one of his arms rest around your waist. His fingers grip your hip as your grip on your own hands tighten. His other hand grabs the bottom of your face and forces you to look at him.

“I can’t stop thinking about you.” A red hue covers his face as his dark eyes glisten in the light. He gives you a longing gaze before it turns cold. You flinch when his fingers dig into your thigh as well as the tightening grip on your face.

“I want to kill you.” Your breath hitched.

“You’re consuming me, Y/n. You’re distracting my men.” He whispers.

“B-boss?” You breathe out.

“If you disappear, there would be nothing to think about.” His hand moves to your neck, immediately squeezing your throat shut. Your eyes widen as you grip his wrist.

“M-Mik… Boss wait!” You stammer, eyes shifting to the others who watch the display with crossed legs and glasses, cigars, or a blunt to their lips. Nobody but members of Bonten sat in the room, the strippers and waiters out of sight.

“Should I, Y/n? Should I kill you right now so I can get you out of my head?” His grip becomes unbearable as you struggle to breathe. Your legs shift before you begin to scratch the skin on his arms. Tears fall before you pull an arm back and punch his face. You push yourself off the chair, dropping to the floor as you catch your breath. You look up at Mikey with wide eyes while his face is turned to the side. The room is quiet besides the faint music that plays while you cough and wipe your eyes.

You shakily stand from your position on the floor before glancing around the room at the executives who stare at you with nothingness as their expressions, cold and bare of any emotion.

What the fuck?

“You know, I had already fallen for you.” His face is covered by his platinum hair as he looks down, hands on the chair’s arms. “You didn’t need the spell, Y/n.”

Your eyes widen.

How did he know? The only way they would have noticed anything was the video saved on my phone or my altar. Was it when Kazutora or the Haitani brothers came into my place?

“I thought if I ignored it, then it would go away.” One of his hands rub his face. “Then you made it worse.”

The door opens and the guards walk in with decapitated heads that are hanging from their hair. You eye the faces closely in confusion before they’re thrown on the ground, some rolling in front of you. You count five different men, including the man you remembered as Sato and the mystery man you danced on. Although you’ve seen and have caused death, there was something very disturbing about seeing the detached heads of your past flings.

“Disgusting. You’ve driven the King insane.” Sanzu hissed before standing from his seat and taking position next to Mikey’s chair.

“Why is that look on your face?” Ran questions while taking a hit of the cigar. “Why do you look so uneasy?”

“This is what you wanted isn’t it?” Rin says before he downs a shot and leans over, resting his arms against his legs.

Kazutora takes a hit of the blunt before he ashes it against the ashtray, pulling back as he leaned into the couch with a leg crossed over. “Come on, Y/n. Don’t give us that look. We’re just showing you what you made us do.”

You look at all of them with shock and uneasiness, disturbed by their actions though a little flattered that they thought of you this much. After all, your feelings hadn’t gone away even though you feel you are in danger. This isn’t exactly what you had in mind. Especially with how they stare at you like you’re a piece of meat in the lion’s den.

Your arms are grabbed by the guards as you’re forced out of the room, their eyes lingering on you all the while you allow the men to take you out of the tense section. Outside of the door, you meet eyes with Kokonoi who walks beside you as you’re released and forced to walk towards the exit.

“Koko, what’s going on?” You question with a trembling voice.

“I’m afraid you’ve been fired, Y/n. As of right now you’ve been labeled a traitor and you’ve been ordered to reside in one of the torture rooms for the time being.”

“Are they gonna kill me?” You gasp.

“No.”

“What do you mean? Then what’s gonna happen to me?” You question eagerly.

He sighs. “I mean that they’re planning to keep you locked up for an extended amount of time.”

“Th-They’re holding me captive? What? Why?”

One of the guards open the door for Kokonoi before cuffing your wrists and forcing you to climb into the car.

“The only thing I know is that they seem to have a deep infatuation with you. You might not ever get to see the light of day again, Y/n. I’m sorry.”

You could only stare into space with a look of concern as you try not to have a panic attack. Your eyes shift outside the window as the driver pulls off towards the destination.

[theyanderespecialist]

Base Yandere Aphrodite Headcanons: And She Took That Personal! (Greek Mythology)

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! I am finally back with a new God/Mythology Video! This one is of Base Yandere Aphrodite from Greek Mythology!!! Please enjoy this!]

(DISCLAIMER: This is Based on Aphrodite from Myth, she most likely is not Yandere in canon! This is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine. Just do not be illegal or gross about it! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon!)

-Base Yandere Headcanons with Aphrodite, From Greek Mythology-

.Aphrodite is the Goddess of Sexual beauty. 

.There is not a man she cannot get, there are also a lot of women she cannot get. 

.She can easily invoke lust and desire. 

.Then there is you, the second human to steal her heat. 

.You are different from the human man that she fell in love with all those years ago. 

.You are a stunning creature beyond words! She needs to have you as hers and hers alone. 

.She is beyond smitten with you and knows that you and she will have fruitful children, may you be a uterus owner she will get the best godly sperm for you. If you are in the possession of balls she will bear your seed. 

.Either way, you and her will have godly offspring. 

.She is also going to do what it takes to woo you. 

.Very romantic outings with you, where she makes her desires for you very VERY clear. 

.She of course knows you will want her, I mean come on she is the goddess of beauty, sexual love, pleasure, and fertility what more could you want? 

.She like many other gods, is obsessive and possessive. 

.She would not want to share you at all! 

. Especially with no mortal. 

.And with Aphrodite if you were with a mortal woman? She would take that as a personal insult. 

.She is the Goddess of love and beauty and pleasure. What could some mortal woman give you that she cannot? 

.She is also one of your more vain and jealous goddesses. This is one of the biggest reasons that the whole Trojan War was started. 

.So she would take you being with someone other than her, male or female, but especially female as the biggest insult. 

.But do not worry you are her sweet little pet, she would never take this anger out on you! 

.Your lover though? Well remember all the things the Greek gods have done to women and men but mainly women (Yeah she is going to make your lovers suffer beyond words) 

.Turning them into horrific things and maybe even getting animals involved. 

.She does not care she is not sharing with any rivals, she is your Goddess and you will be hers and ONLY HERS. 

.She is particularly aggressive, petty, and vengeful with her female rivals, making them suffer the biggest humiliation and pain! 

.She has to shatter them. 

.She would confess to you after probably killing her rivals taking you close and kissing you. 

.If you kiss back and accept her love well you will be made into some immortal and will stay by her side for the rest of time. 

.If you turn her down? She will have to kidnap you and punish you, you should not be better than to turn down a literal Goddess, especially when that Goddess has given you her heart! 

.Do not worry she will break that spirit of yours and teach you that she is all that you need and that you will be much happier with her. 

.Whether you wanted it or not! 

.She would also use sex as a way to tame you, manipulating her skills in the bedroom. 

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Another chapter is done! I hope that you all enjoyed this, and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!] 

[hellsslibrary]

✧･ﾟ:*NSFW Alphabet with Riddle Rosehearts*:･ﾟ✧

DNI : minors.

!!Warnings : switch(mostly sub)!bottom!Riddle, kink for size difference, oral, praise kink, soft sex, teasing, roleplay(King and Queen of Hearts), pet play, male reader.

Trey <————«« Riddle »»————> Jack

Heartslabyul. Riddle Rosehearts.

A = Aftercare (What are they like after sex?)

He is very tired after sex, no matter what the pace was, no matter who dominated, no matter how many rounds and how intense the sex was. He is always tired. He also has a weak throat, I think, so he's always thirsty. So take care of the cute, red-haired boy, okay?

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Well... I guess his favorite body part in you is your eyes. He loves the way they shrink, looking down at him as he lies helpless underneath you, writhing in pleasure. He loves the way you close them when he pleases you. And he just loves your loving, sensual look when you talk about loving him.

His favorite body part in him is probably all parts of his body anyway. He's been very prepared for your first time by reading everything there is to know about two men having sex and... He's probably been doing some practice so somehow he loves everything about him and won't pick out anything about him.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)

Considering his overly balanced and proper diet, his sperm is probably one of the most perfect. Like the truth, this is the most ordinary sperm, and it is released in a measured, normal amount, absolutely nothing unusual.

As for you, he'd rather you cum outside of him. He just doesn't want to give you the hassle of washing it out of him and himself too. Although he doesn't mind if you want to cum inside, yes.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Mmm, since the beginning of the relationship, he may have had the idea of role-playing the King and Queen of Hearts (Well, she's literally his prototype, so yeah). And, given that the king is much more loyal and kind (albeit still as infantile as his wifey), you would take a more submissive position, and he would, on the contrary, be more dominant and then you would violate one of the rules of the queen and on you would have hung a collar, though very unpleasant and heavy :( .Well, I leave everything else to your taste, imps~.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?)

He's... a total virgin. His mother is clearly "one partner for life", at least for her ideal son, so yes, he is definitely a virgin. Although his mother probably taught how to handle the female body and certain parts of it, apparently confident that her son would not be able to fall in love with a guy.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

Mmm, doggy style? He doesn't really like it when you see his face, although he loves when you play with his body however you want, but in the end he definitely gives up and puts his head on the pillows, exposing half of his face to you.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He is definitely serious. Although if you have the most ordinary relaxed, sensual sex where you just enjoy each other, then he can lower his walls a little and joke here and there, but not much.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Definitely very clean, the hair is just completely shaved off. Like really, how can Riddle of all people not be clean there? Although the color matches, the same strawberry red.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Of course very strongly! For him, sex is primarily a moment of your privacy, a moment where you can enjoy each other without unnecessary factors. He is incredibly romantic, even if sometimes he can be shy about it.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He hardly has time for that, anyway. But I guess he doesn't do it often anyway, he'd rather have sex with you than his hand or anything.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Kink for praise, obviously! I won't even explain it, it's just Riddle. I think pet play. Like why not? He will gladly put himself under your command, knowing that you do not want to harm him. Or he will take command. Depends on your tastes. And I have one thought that maybe he has a kink for tenderness(?). I don't know how to explain it better, but I think it's the caring and gentle handling of him that turns him on during sex.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Within those places where ABSOLUTELY NO ONE can see or hear you. But probably the bed, he's simple enough in his looks.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

I think it fires up surprisingly fast or not at all. Although given his temperament, this should not be surprising. It's just the truth... One moment he'll have a hard-on from a few words whispered in his ear from you, and the next time he won't have a hard-on even after you teasingly rub his cock through his pants.

N = NO (Something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

Sex in public or semi-public places. Too much use of pain. And probably humiliation (albeit in a playful or, uh, romantic way maybe), but if you tease him like that... You better not do it.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He loves to give. After all, he read a lot of books before your first time, like I said before, so he definitely knows what he's doing... Only in his head, of course.

Although he still loves to receive, of course! Blowjob, rimming, eating out, whatever! He likes everything as long as you do it. (Although for some reason it seems to me that he preferred rimming/eating out).

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Slower and gentler tempo. He does not like to rush, he wants everything to be beautiful, cute and romantic. So he definitely prefers this pace.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He... Not a fan of that. Absolutely not a fan of this. One orgasm is probably not enough for him to satisfy himself. But if you or he really wants to fuck, but you don't have too much time, then of course he will agree.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He won't take risks, nope. Experiments of course. But he will not risk your reputation, health, or anything else. But to satisfy your perverted fantasies or offer his own, he is happy to.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Well, it lasts quite an average amount of about 5-10 I guess. Although somewhere around 12, he is already starting to get overstimulated.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He didn't have them. He considered it too dirty and unpleasant. Like who needs toys if there are hands, genitals and stuff? He... Began to treat them neutrally after starting a relationship with you. At least he doesn't mind them, and he'll keep something if you give it to him, but he's unlikely to buy it himself.

U = Unfair (How much do they like to tease)

Riddle will not tease you if you are dominant. He wants to be completely obedient and a good boy for you, although he may tease you a little if it pleases you, but he will immediately finish with any disapproval from you. But he loves to tease you when he dominates. He just finds something sexy in your pleading or in your facial expression when he teases you.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He thought he would be quiet like 1/10. But finished somewhere at 7-8/10. It's loud enough, yes. He doesn't scream though. But it's still very loud and that changes that fact. It's too easy for him to feel pleasure when it all starts, so he just can't handle it.

W = Wild Card (Get a random head canon for the character of your choice)

He definitely has a kink to the size difference, it's true, you can't deny it. He's just tiny, and he's tiny there too. I'm just heading the headcanon for the fact that he has a small dick and has always been shy about it, even at the beginning of a relationship with you (well, I mean you're a guy biologically, if not, grow your dick). But after all, why does he need a big dick if he's the bottom, right? :)

X = X-Ray (Let's see what's going on in those pants, picture or words)

Very slim. Maybe a little muscle, but it seems to me that there are not so many of them. Well, his penis is small in both size and girth, as I said earlier. 3-4 inches / 7-10 cm.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It is very low. I doubt he ever wanted to have too much sex, other than his puberty, of course. But on his own, he doesn't want to fuck very often, so in almost all situations you need to offer it.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fell asleep afterwards)

He... I think he generally has a hard time falling asleep, worrying about something or remembering. But I think next to you and even more so, given that he is tired, I think he will fall asleep quickly enough.

[trolagygirl2022]

Your ideal type based on astrology 💕

We'll look at the Venus, Mars and Moon for this one. Since Venus is who you tend to be attracted to, Mars can be more physical and Moon is emotionally. (Can be also applied to Moon, Venus, Mars and DSC persona charts)

Aries placements/aspects: People who can take the lead. Confident, bold and unapologetically themselves. Intimidating a bit. Dominant. Athletic too? Very passionate. Can be into people that would fight for them or just very protective as well. Brutally honest. Aries natives (like Gemini) need someone that can keep up with them, because they're always moving. They get bored often which can lead to them acting impulsive. Aggressive appearance. People attracted to females may tend to like the "Instagram baddie" type of girls but people attracted to males can like traditionally masculine strong guys. Ohh and the rbf! (Resting bitch face).

Taurus placements/aspects: Neat and classy. Someone that dresses well and takes care of themselves. Someone that doesn't cause trouble. Calm and relaxed. To be honest, they'd probably prefer someone financially stable. Taurus's don't like to play games, as their very devoted and like stability, so someone that isn't devoted isn't a good match for them (but it also depends on certain aspects as well). Appearance wise, people attracted to females tend to like the "old money" aesthetic. Someone who is attractive, but more natural. Nice skin and they're a well groomed person.

Gemini placements/aspects: Out-going and talkative. Charming but has a smart/dorky side to them. Someone that is multi-dimensional and has different sides to show. Full of life. As a Gemini rinsing, I really like someone that's outgoing and fits my vibe. Gemini placements tend not to go well with a very quiet and introverted person. Gemini's need someone that can handle them as they can bounce from person to person if they get bored, so it's important to keep them interested. Gamine/cute appearance. Someone who they can talk freely with. Tend to like someone with a type of "duality" in their face (can have a masculine and feminine face at the same time basically).

Cancer placements/aspects: A caring person, the type that hates everyone that isn't their loved ones. Very loving and (sometimes) affectionate. Cancer's value emotional connection and a deep bond with a person. You can have the looks, status and everything else, but someone that they can't connect with isn't a great match. Cancer's have quite an intuitive nature, so they want someone that understands them and can deal with their moody natures. Appearance wise can like someone that they can "protect" (like when you see someone and you're like "I wanna protect them, they're so cute).

Leo placements/aspects: Oh they're all about fun! Even though they don't like someone overly sensitive, they're sensitive themselves and need a lot of support and reassurance. Always wanting to be and feel "enough". They want someone that can match their loyal nature and can get really possessive at their worst. If a Leo Venus doesn't go showing you off to people and doing it all, THEY DO NOT LIKE YOU!!

Virgo placements/aspects: Virgo's tend to have high standards and are picky with a lot of things. Are you unemployed? Do you smell? Immature? People critize Virgo placements for this (which is ironic because Virgo's are the one supposed to do the critizing) but the truth is, they like a lot of order. They want their partner to match them which is why they tend to be reserved because they're just waiting for that special someone.

Libra placements/aspects: Libra placements have the reputation of being players which yeah, BUT TO A CERTAIN EXTENT! They have a lot of charm and draw people in (even the ones that are more reserved). They want a partner that can "complete" them. They also want to be the perfect partner and want to make their partner happy. Yes looks do play a factor for them, as Libra rules over beauty but also the arts so they like a creative person. These people really like nice people that are considerate.

Scorpio placements/aspects: Like Taurus placements, Scorpio's don't joke when it comes to devotion and with connections. They're sensitive and take a lot of things personally (I know a guy with a Scorpio Sun, Mercury and Pisces moon and he was.. something!). Attimes, they feel like people don't "get them". Someone that can deal with their intensity and doesn't ridicule them is they perfect person for them. People merely reduce Scorpio's to sex gods/goddesses but they gloss over that they get really vulnerable and need someone that can hold them and connect with.

Sagittarius placements/aspects: Sag's are very fun and free-spirited. They don't like to be held down by tradition and like adventure. They like to try new things without feeling restrained. They would be attracted to someone that is independent like themselves. (Also like people of different cultures/races). Sag placements want someone that they can learn and explore with. The funnier, the better. Sagittarius natives feel uncomfortable with someone that's too intense and serious.

Capricorn placements/aspects: Capricorn dominant here 💁🏾‍♀️. So it's safe for me to say that Capricorn's value stability. During the beginning, Capricorn's can play "hard to get" and seem detached but in reality just want someone that doesn't play around. From a young age, they've been serious and mature when it comes to this. Capricorns like someone that can support themselves and want to be the supporter as well. These people don't really like to rush and want to be very sure of a person before taking steps further with them. Like Virgo's, they're reserved and would settle for someone that is "the one" for them. They want someone realistic and grounded.

Aquarius placements/aspects: Aquarius's are similar with Capricorn's in the whole detached aspect. The major difference between those two are that Aquarius's are separate from societal expectations about romance and dating. Though, they really like people that are smart. Not really book smart but someone that they can have smart conversations with. Aquarius natives are not a fan of overly attached and sensitive people. It's weird to them, they want someone that's a bit detached. Aquarius natives are attracted to people that are independent and are their own person. Not like everyone else basically, theirs something about them that's unique.

Pisces placements/aspects: Pisces get really attached to someone. Like Cancer Venus, their sensitive and intuitive. They don't joke with romance. They can get very attached and would do anything for their partner. They need someone that wouldn't take advantage of that aspect of them and a kind, considerate person. These people tend to have very high and false envisions of people (especially when they have a crush), so someone that can bring them to reality (but nicely of course) is great for them! They need someone that is kind and patient with them.

[your-gay-grandma]

Butch/Femme history and culture introduction (written by a femme lesbian, deeply in love with being so)

💖Ideal for people immersing themselves in lesbian culture for the first time

🤍This post will contain brief summarising information about butch/femme culture and history as well as an introductory resource list for continuing your learning journey.

🧡It is by no means exhaustive and is intended as a very basic and simplified introduction that people can and should easily build on. Please try to keep this intention in mind before telling me i have neglected something!

⚠️ Disclaimer - this post is admittedly very centred on butch/femme history of the US and western culture in the 1900s. If there is a different culture or time that you’d be interested to learn more about, I would be overjoyed to research it so please let me know! Lesbianism has existed everywhere in every time and the cultural variation of this is beautiful and SO important. I do not want to neglect that but cannot fit it all in this brief introduction post.

“Whether reclaiming femininity from the male gaze or rejecting feminine gender norms by embracing butch, the subculture is intrinsically radical: it empowers lesbians to renounce patriarchal standards of beauty.” - Megan Christopher

What is butch/femme?

butch/femme is a lesbian subculture with a deep and rich history and culture. It goes far beyond masculine and feminine aesthetics and informs lesbian identity and dynamics. Butch/femme culture is a crucial part of LGBTQ+ history and culture as a whole.

It has existed for a very long time but it is very important to know that not all lesbians are butch/femme. In fact, most lesbians will not identify with either label and that is completely okay! You will see some lesbians describe themselves as butch4butch or femme4femme.

Traditionally, there is nothing in between butch/femme and to suggest otherwise negates the rich significance of the identities. Some people suggest it is a spectrum with “futch” in the middle. This is however not the case and the significance of this will become clear as we delve further into the importance of butch/femme identities to queer culture and history. Crucially too, straight women cannot be butch/femme

Aren’t butch/femme just replicating traditional heterosexual gender roles?

Absolutely not! In fact, they outwardly challenge them.

Gender and sex are constructs. A lot of lesbians find that butch/femme are gender identities in of themselves (myself included)

Instead, butch/femme are identities that encapsulate a particular “performance” of gender. The attributes of these may seem “masculine” or “feminine” but this is only because of the strict gender binary our society ascribes to gender performance.

Judith Butler, in their book Gender Trouble, notes that a lot of lesbians in general have a complex relationship to gender. This is because our binary perception of womanhood is constructed on the basis that “male” is default and “female” is the only sexed other. Because lesbianism is the only identity that totally de-centres men, a lot of lesbians (regardless of being butch, femme or neither) will not feel like they are conventionally “women”.

A lot of the time, butch/femme roles were and still are a source of safety and solace

Butch

Butch refers to masculinity in any number of ways

Butches typically and historically face high levels of discrimination and harassment for their gender non conformity.

A very important butch text is Stone Butch Blues, written by Leslie Feinberg

In the book, Feinberg discusses the importance of working-class identities to butchness.

Some butches are transmasculine. This doesn’t make them less of a lesbian, as long as they have ties to butchness and lesbianism.

Stone butches are lesbians who do not like to be touched (or “receive”) during sex

Femme

Femmes are lesbians who present more “femininely”.

Femmes do not necessarily conform to society’s perception of womanhood. Many will have complex relationships to gender identity or will present as hyper-feminine.

Hyper-femininity is an exaggerated performance of womanhood where aspects of dress, character and/or mannerisms of femininity may be heightened.

This is why a lot of the time lesbians can still “clock” (or recognise) femmes as being gay. Straight women tend to feel put off by the level of femininity common with hyper-feminine femmes.

History

In western culture, butch/femme culture existed underground or secret up until the mid 20th century. We can assume however that butch/femme dynamics have existed for a long time.

In the early 1900s, butch/femme dynamics were confined to underground gay bars.

In this case, femmes were often considered in a position of privilege as they were “straight passing” and could only be recognisably lesbian when accompanied by a butch.

Femmes will often assert sexuality through their femininity.

In the 1940s, butch/femme dynamics were extremely important and a thriving part of lesbian culture.

Women were allowed to enter bars without men.

In the US, butches would have to dress femininely in order to hold employment and avoid harassment and assault based on their preferred gender non-conformity.

Butches dressed in a way that was accepted by society, while still presenting as more masculine than the norm. Alix Genter writes that "butches wore long, pleated skirts with their man-tailored shirts, sometimes with a vest or coat on top"

In the 1950s, many butches refused to live these double lives. Their full-time masculine presentation made it difficult for them to work so they were often employed in factories or as taxi drivers. (hence the importance of working-class solidarity with butches)

Increased lesbian visibility and a strong anti-gay political stance at the time of McCarthyism led to increased attacks on queer women and resulted in a particularly defiant gay bar culture.

Butches are therefore extremely important in our fight for LGBTQ+ rights. It was butches and trans women who were known for fighting back for our rights and visibility.

In the 1970s, particular sentiments of lesbian separatist feminism declared masculinity and butchness was harmful to women. This led to the popularisation of more androgynous fashion amongst lesbians including boots, jeans and flannels. This movement weakened butch identifiers and is known for alienating lesbians of colour and working class lesbians.

Lesbian separatism is essentially the idea that lesbians should exist separate to men and heterosexual women. That is why some theorists believed performances of masculinity were harmful (while others did not believe this and it is obviously not true)

Introductory reading list (online articles that are short and accessible)

how butch/femme subcultures allow gay women to thrive by Megan Christopher for VICE: https://www.vice.com/en/article/wjwzqx/how-butch-femme-subcultures-allow-gay-women-to-thrive

A good introduction to the radical history and importance of butch/femme identities.

The Lesbians That Founded The Gay Village And The Mafia Alliance They Made For Protection by Diana Robertson: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-lesbians-that-founded-the-gay-village-and-the-mafia_b_5941d7a1e4b0d99b4c921126

Really helpful history!

No Matter What’s Gendertrending, the Butch is Here To Stay by Jack Halberstam

https://web.archive.org/web/20180907141513/https://www.afterellen.com/tv/443117-no-matter-whats-gendertrending-the-butch-is-here-to-stay

I don’t like the suggestion of the title but the article itself has good information. Jack Halberstam is an important queer theorist. I also recommend his writings on queer failure. This article has some generally good direction about butchness, especially in modern media. “Butch is always a misnomer; masculine but not male, female but not feminine, the term serves as a placeholder for the unassimilable, for that which remains indefinable or unspeakable within the many identifications that we make and that we claim.”

Key books for a deeper understanding (and their pros and cons)

The Persistent Desire: A Femme–Butch Reader by Joan Nestle

Gender Trouble by Judith Butler (one of my favourite books of all time. Really difficult to get through but very worthwhile and completely changed the way I understand sex and gender)

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg (an incredibly important lesbian text. Can be very difficult to get through, especially emotionally. Please make sure to check triggers before reading)

Dagger: On Butch Women by Lily Burana

[mrsshabana]

Patient!Gyutaro x Nurse!Reader - CHAPTER 1

Chapter 2

✦ CW: 18+ MDNI, female reader. Mentions of mental illness, suicide, and sexual abuse of a minor. This fic has many dark themes, please do not read unless you are comfortable!

✦ AN: The long awaited nurse au is finally here! Sorry it took me so long, but I wanted to make sure it was perfect. Lots of thought and research went into making this fic. There will also be art included in this chapter!

✦ WC: 2,146

This is what you should have expected from a job in the medical field that didn’t require much qualifications. Working at an asylum wasn’t ideal, but they are incredibly desperate for new nurses. As most of them are unable to handle the physical and mental toll that a place like this puts on someone. 

It’s your first day at your new job. You were excited until you entered the building. The dreary interior mixed with the groans and screams of unruly patients wasn’t the welcome that you had been hoping for.

You’re young, almost too young to be working at a place like this. The other nurses didn’t take you seriously, and they were going to make the transition for you more difficult than it needed to be. You were being assigned to a patient that is notorious for being difficult to work with. The other nurses use him to weed out the weak. Always shifting the new hires to care for him. They usually leave within the first week, so his care returns to one of the veteran nurses known for having a mind of steel. She’s cold hearted, but that helps you deal with a job like this. The complete opposite of you. A warm young woman, eager to treat and rehabilitate.

Currently you are being led to your new patient. Quickly scanning over his records as you follow the nurse through the halls of the sanatorium.

Rashomon Riverbank Asylum

Patient Record

Name: Shabana, Gyutaro

Identification Data: Sex: Male Age: 23 Height: 6’ 3” Weight: 134

Race: Asian Hair: Black Eye: Blue

Special Handling Code: Code Red; Keep medicated Special Handling Instructions: Keep away from sharp objects

Medical History: Multiple suicide attempts, Complications due to sickle cell anemia, Treated for Congenital Syphilis

Diagnoses: Sickle Cell Anemia Hutchinson’s Teeth Borderline Personality Disorder Antisocial Personality Disorder Depression Insomnia

Current Medical Treatment: Special diet for weight gain Medications given AM & PM

Medications: Wellbutrin - 100 mg twice daily Abilify - 10 mg once daily Carbamazepine - 350 mg twice daily Xanax - 2 mg twice daily Trazodone - 150 mg once daily Voxelotor - 500 mg once daily Adakveo - 5 mg IV infusion once every 4 weeks

Gyutaro Shabana, your very first patient at Rashomon Riverbank Asylum. Looking over his record, this is going to be a difficult one. You’ve learned about a majority of these diagnoses in college, so you have a good idea about the kind of treatment he will require. It’s strange though, he seems to have lost the genetic lottery. And you haven't even seen his face yet, you can only imagine what he may look like.

An asian man with sickle cell anemia is almost unheard of, roughly 0.0022%. And on top of that he was born with Congenital Syphilis. It’s quite frankly amazing that he’s lived past 20.

“Just introduce yourself, then I’ll take you to your other patients,” the other nurse says as she stops in front of his door. 

Not wanting to be impolite, you hesitantly knock on his door. There’s no response. You figured that there wouldn’t be, so you open the door anyways.

“Hello, Mr. Shabana?” you say coyly.

When you peek into the room, you are instantly frozen by his icy gaze. He’s sitting on his bed with a book in his lap. His cold blue eyes send shivers down your spine.

“I’m um… I’m your new nurse.” you choke out. He’s feet away from you but you feel as though his hands have a tight grasp around your throat.

“My name is Y/N. Um… If you ever need anything d-don’t hesitate to call for me…”

The expression on his face is unchanging, as he remains silent.

“Well I’ll see you later tonight Mr. Shabana…”

Closing the door, breaking the line of sight that he had on you, instantly you feel a surge of relief.

You go on to visit the rest of your patients, then you come back later that night to give Mr. Shabana his dinner. A high protein meal, specifically for weight gain.

Knocking on the door a few times before you push it open, “Mr. Shabana, I have your dinner.”

He’s in the same spot where you left him, sitting on his bed with a book in his lap. But this time he doesn’t even bother to look at you when you enter the room.

Stepping closer to place the food tray on his table, you inspect his appearance. 

His clothes hang off of his frame, enveloping his skeletal body. You can make out lean muscles on his arms, but his face is sunken and his pants hang low on his hips. There are large black marks scattered across his face, and you can barely see one peeking out from below his sleeve. Were these marks from his Congenital Syphilis? Dark circles sit below his eyes, he looks as though he hasn’t slept in weeks.

He’s wearing the standard issue uniform that all patients wear. A plain t-shirt and pants, made of the same material as scrubs. Though his feet are bare, slippers sitting below the edge of the bed. His hair is long and wavy. Black as midnight, unruly in the way it hangs in front of his face. The top of his hair is half haphazardly tied up.

“Got a problem…?” He rasps, drawing out each word.

The venom of his sour tongue sends a jolt of electricity through your skin. 

“Huh?” you’ve been sitting there staring at him for too long, “O-oh! I’m sorry sir! There’s no problem, please enjoy your dinner,” you quickly rush out of the room.

As you continue on giving food to the rest of your patients, Mr. Shabana’s voice echoes through your skull.

Got a problem…? Got a problem…? Got a problem…?

A few hours later, you go back to retrieve the tray and whatever food may have not been eaten. Stopping yourself before you open the door. It’s ok. He’s just a patient. Then why does he make you so nervous?

*Knock knock*

“Hello Mr. Shabana, I’m just here to collect your tray,” you chime, masking your fear with a smile.

Walking back into the dimly lit room, the fluorescent lights flickering. His eyes staring into you.

His food has been untouched. The only thing that was eaten was a packaged cookie.

“Not hungry today?” your voice shakes as you try to ignore his harsh gaze.

He remains silent. Watching you as you step closer. The buzzing of the fluorescent bulbs filling the room, filling your brain with static.

“Was it not to your liking? I can have the cooks make something else for you if you’d like.”

“...”

Your eyes meet. His thin eyebrows furrow, the rest of his expression remains unchanging. The pressure of his glare makes the air around you feel heavy. Pressing down on you, compressing your spine, you feel so small when he looks at you. You’re desperate to fill the cold aura with some warmth.

“Mr. Shabana you really should eat-”

*CRASH*

He slaps the tray out of your hand, food splattering onto your uniform, dripping onto the floor. 

Silence. You’re stuck staring down at your feet. Watching the pool of meat, vegetables, and milk spread around you. It takes you a few moments to fully process what has just happened, only able to snap out of it when you feel the wetness of the food seeping through your skirt, making you feel cold.

You regret looking up at him. Regret meeting his eyes. Filled with amusement.

“You better clean that up… don’t chu think…?” He smirks. Showing his sharp canines and crooked teeth.

“I-I…” you mumble, looking back down at the mess. He’s right, you should clean it up before it gets everywhere.

Going into the hallway, you grab some towels and return to his room. Not thinking your next actions through as you get down on all fours and start picking up the mess. All you want to do is hurry and clean this up so you can leave. But Mr. Shabana has different plans.

He slowly stands up. Looming over you, looking down on you with a twisted grin. He’s so tall… he makes you feel so small as you look up at him. So pathetic. So worthless.

“You look good down there…” he steps on your hand, “On your knees like a whore…”

His words leave you speechless. Your vision begins to blur and your heart starts to race. He pushes his weight further onto your hand, until you feel a crack.

“I’d like to see you like this more often…” he chuckles, the sound rumbling in his hollow chest.

Every instinct within your body is screaming at you to run. But you feel so trapped. So paralyzed by him. Like a rabbit cornered against a wall by a vicious predator. His eyes. It’s his eyes. No, it's his touch. It’s… everything about him. 

You try to speak up, but your words escape you. Coming out in a pathetic whine that makes his grin widen and his laughter intensify. 

He’s reaching for you. His hand is coming towards your face. Your mind is telling you that if you let him get any closer you will die. He will kill you. And he won’t even care.

Your body is pumped with enough adrenaline for you to break free from the physical and psychological hold he had on you.

Pulling your hand away from under his foot, you push yourself backwards. Stumbling to stand up on your feet. You run out of the room and through the halls, not risking looking back at him. All you hear as you escape is his laughter on repeat. You can’t tell if his laughter is echoing through the halls, or if it has just been ingrained into your mind.

You keep running until you get back to the nurses quarters and to your room. 

Tears running down your cheeks, food staining your clothes, and pain throbbing in your hand. You collapse on the floor and cry.

Why would he be so cruel? You understand that he’s a patient and has a list of mental illnesses, but you were trying to help him! You can’t even remember what you were doing or why you were in his room. All you remember is him and how he made you feel. His stare. His voice. His touch. 

Fuck him and fuck this job.

Clambering over to your desk, you immediately start writing your resignation letter.

You don’t get paid enough for this shit. All you wanted to do is help people, and you get repaid with this? It’s just not worth it. Through your sobs, your tears fall onto the page as you hastily move your pen on the piece of parchment in front of you.

There. It’s done. You’re done.

You won’t have to see this place, see him, ever again once you submit this letter.

Looking around your desk, searching for an envelope. You come across a thick manilla folder. The tab on the side reads, Shabana, Gyutaro.

Something compels you to open it. You already skimmed through his information, but you never looked at everything here.

His psychiatric notes? From his psychiatrist? These shouldn’t be in here… you shouldn’t have access to this confidential information.

But if you’re leaving anyways… then there’s no harm. Right?

Shabana, Gyutaro - Dr. Hantengu

August 14

Childhood trauma starting since birth

Single mother, no father

Raised as a female. Mother would dress patient as a daughter. Would cover up his deformities with makeup. (Feelings of worthlessness, not belonging)

Sister born at age 6 (turning point in patient’s life)

Mother cast aside patient for sister. (When he learned he was actually a boy. Feeling of confusion. Child cannot comprehend)

Sexual abuse started at age 10

Mother was a prostitute, would offer children to adult clients.

 Patient record, “She would bring men into our house… and let them touch us. (long pause) They wanted my sister. They wanted to do bad things to her. So I… (patient gets upset) I would offer myself to them. I would perform sexual acts for them so they would leave Ume (sister) alone.”

Sexual abuse continued until age 15

Mother died of overdose. The children were left in the home for over a week until someone found them.

Children taken to orphanage. 

Patient held in orphanage for 8 months until incident.

Brought to Asylum at age 16

End of first session 

You are left speechless. 

Reading his records reminds you of why you wanted to be a nurse in the first place. To help people that have gone through trauma such as this. He didn’t lash out at you because of something you did. It’s not your fault. And it isn’t his either. He just needs help. 

And you will be the one to help him.

[pecanbrandies]

Emerie, the Illyrian Conflicts, and her Future as a Leader

My theory for future books (likely within the novella itself) is that Emerie may replace Devlon, as well as manage the Illyrian conflicts (and the misogynistic issues surrounding them) and bring them into a new era.

I won't go into much detail about why the recent theories of Azriel solving the Illyrian conflicts don't make any sense. ⬇️

Many of the issues surrounding the conflicts are feminist issues. It would make sense for this to be Emerie's purpose, especially if we continue with female led storylines. I also want to be clear that I don't see this as a Valkyrie-inclusive storyline - the other women in this group are not Illyrian and it is not part of their journey. Emerie was the first woman to win the sacred Blood Rite, even when she was disabled as a result of Illyrian tradition and misogyny, owns property when women in the village do not, and has been progressively working against backwards tradition her entire life. I also can't see Koschei just...waiting around for 800 pages while this occurs. Killing him is similar to Voldemort - you kill his soul and then him. It wouldn't make sense for the Valkyries to conquer the third mountain and then let Azriel have an OOC eat/pray/love moment with the Illyrians; it's almost as if Eris points out that there are three sister peaks, lists the sisters that have conquered two already, and tells the reader directly what's next for a reason.

Side Note: I would love for this to happen in a Mor novella, especially since there are so many strong parallels about these two women who both grew up in harsh environments (Hewn City and Illyria) and managed to become elite and powerful.

Emerie shares many similarities with Queen Teuta. ⬇️

The Illyrians in history reached their peak of power under Queen Teuta.

"Illyrian Queen Teuta is one of the most extraordinary figures of Illyrian antiquity and of Albanian heritage. She was also called the pirate queen, and folklore says that she was wiser than a snake, braver than a line, and more beautiful than fairies."

Emerie - meaning: home strength; brave, powerful

Queen Teuta ruled for three years and "managed to strengthen and consolidate her power, and made powerful allies. She stimulated the economy, promoted the development of Illyrian cities, strengthened the army, and created her own navy." She was known as Queen of the Seas.

In ACOFAS, we learn that Emerie is the daughter of Proteus. Proteus, in Greek mythology, is a sea god.

According to folklore, the queen ended her life by throwing herself off the Orjen peak. This mountain peak lies close to the base of the Illyrian fleet, which is known as modern Risan. Sound familiar?

The Orjen mountain is described as inaccessible limestone cliffs, protecting the settlement below.

Ramiel, on the other hand... "None were permitted on its barren, rocky slopes - save for the Illyrians." (ACOFAS)

Unfortunately, a lot of the biographical details of this queen are skewed, likely due to misogynist reasons.

In ACOFAS, we begin to explore the Illyrian conflicts, meet Emerie, and we see Rhys question who would even replace Devlon.

"I resented the male...It was his absurd ideas about females that made me want to throttle him. But if he had to be replaced, the Mother knew who would take his position."

We already see Emerie begin to embody some of the strengths that Queen Teuta had. And we see both women greatly affected by misogyny around them. However, the queen's legacy serves as a reminder of when the Illyrian fleet was at its most powerful.

Instead of a mountain leading to a tragic end, it can easily be a beginning.

Emerie has become a Carynthian, an elite warrior, and was the first woman to do so. Besides the IC, only three men have reached the peak before her.

Emerie is already actively at the forefront of change - she is fighting against misogynistic ideals and proving herself to be a fierce leader and warrior. I think that her story is just the beginning and she has so much to offer.

[gatheringbones]

[“The more women are defined in terms of an ideal myth, for example, the more possible it is for men to ignore or actively abuse women who do not meet that ideal. Thus in the nineteenth century, the cult of True Womanhood was perfectly compatible with the exploitation of female slaves and factory workers. In the twentieth century, a recurring theme in rape and sexual harassment cases has been the notion that if a woman has ever departed from ideal behavior in any way, she has no real “womanhood” to be violated or offended. The wives and mothers of rapists almost invariably, and usually in good faith, defend them as the soul of chivalry—at least toward women who conform to the prevailing myths.

Gender stereotypes about men create binds for them as well. One of the reasons that the majority of the homeless are men, and in turn that the homeless receive so little sympathy, is that men who cannot sustain an independent existence in the competitive world, like women who do not exhibit a dependent existence in the family, are often considered unworthy of sympathy or aid. As Peter Marin, researcher on homelessness, points out, “An irony asserts itself: Simply by being in need of help, men forfeit the right to it.”

Ultimately, these stereotypes are destructive even for those who do live up to them—or down to them, as the case may be. A noted psychiatrist points out that until very recently, most theories of family “normalcy” have been based on highly gender-biased criteria. One study that sought to distinguish the characteristics of dysfunctional and successful families, for example, defined “adequate” families—which they also termed “normal”—as those that produced men who functioned well in their work and social relations. But the women in such families, they noted, were typically “overwhelmed with responsibility,” “psychosomatically ill,” and “sexually dissatisfied.” The researchers, finding that most American families fell into the “adequate” range, concluded: “The Family is alive and well.” By this definition, of course, a normal family is composed of a healthy husband and a sick wife.

From a different perspective, it is becoming clear, families based on a rigid gender division of labor have led to equally serious disabilities for males, by denying them access to intimacy except through women. This is one reason that men, but not women, are often much healthier when they are married and why their health deteriorates sharply after experiencing divorce or widowhood. Recently, seeking a substitute for the unconditional love they fear women will no longer give or they no longer believe they have the right to demand, many men have begun to reexamine their relationships with their fathers to find an alternative source of nurturance—often, they come up with nothing. In a men’s group retreat attended by one of my students, each man was asked to set up an imaginary meeting with his father and tell the father what was uppermost on his mind. The woods echoed with three refrains: “Don’t ever hit me again,” “Please tell me you’re proud of me,” and “You never told me that you loved me.”]

stephanie coontz, from the way we never were: american families and the nostalgia trap, 1993

[tendergraphite]

The Secret History Isn't purposely Queer.

(Richard Is Still Gay though, Here's Why!)

First of—I know Donna Tartt has explicitly stated The Secret History is not a love story, and well that's quite obvious isn't it? We may scrounge like the rats we are all we want for crumbs, but Donna chose to make her protagonist male on purpose—She feared the story wouldn't be taken for what it was, instead being buried under the sexist stereotype The Hunger Games sadly got dished under of "....The world's ending, but which boy am I going to kiss?''

There was also the fact these characters wouldn't have been so brutal around Richard if he'd been a woman—And Donna wanted the truest faces of these characters to be shown.

But well, that's never stopped us has it? The Manic Maenads. Who cares that this book brinks on plain psychological horror—Most of us here have watched Hannibal, we know what's up; We're queer, we're here, and so now we must get this damned show on the road.

[ Follow the links if you are confused on any of my statements ]

Now, I'm going to disprove my entire above statement. It will and does still hold true, as somehow—As human nature itself seems to instigate—both ideas are simultaneously true in my skull.

Richard hasn't shown the thinnest bit of admiration for the female form; As a woman lover myself, I find that appalling. Outside of Camilla (Charles stand in) Every other woman Richard encounters he presents as frustratingly annoying: Bunny's girlfriend Marion, who did nothing wrong; His ex-girlfriend back in California, never so much as named; And even Judy Poovey, who we all adore till this day.

John Richard Papen, ISN'T A LADY LIKER! He latches onto the basic ideals of what feminine beauty is for other men—And like every closeted gay man; clings onto them for dear life. It isn't natural, and it goes beyond sexism, he straight isn't straight, he doesn't like women, he likes men.

Richard wants to fuck Francis, marry Charles, and is truly, madly, deeply, inlove with Henry Winter.

Richard wants to fuck Francis—With literally no other character does he act this way. He focuses on Francis's ankles like a Victorian man seeing a lady's nude form for the first time. And that obsession with the crow jacket, good lord Richard, Majestic? You called it MAJESTIC? Are we never going to discus how Richard would duck into other hallways due to an ''inexplicit anxiety''? Acting like some blushing school girl whenever Francis brushed past his shoulder in the College hallway?!

Like, let me get this straight—The two go out on a nice evening on the gentle river, and when he leans in for a kiss... Richard instead of reacting with a startle, or even disgust, becomes flustered—He blushes. I could throttle him!

And then there's the elephant in the room—The two almost fucking. Now sadly, I cannot say this is proof of Richards gay man status, as that scene most definitely was attempted assault. It was just an example of how Francis tries to justify himself in taking advantage of pretty men. So we are skipping past that scene entirely! What more so I found intriguing was Richards reaction of embarrassment instead of betrayal towards Francis after the incident when he was sober.

When the very same attempt happened to Bunny for instance, he reacted very realistically. He distanced himself, was not comfortable being around Francis alone afterwards—Set clear "What the fuck is wrong with you?'' Boundaries. But instead, Richard felt his straight man status threatened; His main concern hadn't been that his friend just attempted to assault him, but that he'd think he was gay because of it.

He wants to Marry Charles; we all already know that anything he said about Camilla had in fact been about Charles in reality—We as a fandom, have accepted this as just being the simple truth.

Despite the moodboards, and the artworks, Camilla is boyish. She isn't a pretty girl girl, she looks like her brother and wears his clothes—It's why Richard feels safe being attracted to her, he in full essence is the following meme: [I couldn't find the original, so here's my re-enactment.] ''I like girls that look like boys, dress like boys, sound like boys, and are boys.''

Richard cherished Charles as if he were a newborn puppy, and considering he had taken his side instead of Camilla's during the last half of the book should be telling. Richard had been under Henrys thumb, manipulated beyond belief and yet he couldn't bring himself to betray Charles until his hand had been forced in the matter.

And after it all, he had professed his love for Camilla—Begged her to marry him before she used her dead boyfriend as an out, because come on we all knew he didn't want Camilla, he wanted Charles. He'd been the focus right before the proposal, like the shadow left behind from a neculer explosion.

Baby faced Charles, sweet kind gentle Charles who was kind to everyone; Who felt grief for the farmer he hadn't even known and Bunny who he couldn't prevent the death of. If Richard could've, he would've coddled Charles until their death beds.

Richard is inlove with Henry—It's not Francis nor Charles he has longing dreams about, years later—now is it? He didn't find Henry to be attractive at first, he mentioned how he would be handsome but if only his features were not so set. But that's the thing about love, it truly is blind.

It's harder to notice with Henry, because Charles and Francis had been so blatantly obvious to just about anyone—But the progression between these two had been slower. The smell of Henry's smoke, the setting of his jaw whenever he was stressed; The way he had told Richard he hid his past abuse so well. He slowly became a comfort, and once he rescued Richard he became indebted to him.

When he began to withdraw from Richard, we as an audience felt that as much as he did—And I remember pondering if Richard felt jealous at the fact Henry had run off with Camilla.

At the end of it all, Richard became an empty man without Henry—The worst part of it all was Richard believed that was his destiny, as being a Californian at birth he felt it was his true nature. He associated Hampton—Henry—with beauty, and California—Himself—With ugliness. Without the love of his life, he was a shell.

''Those are the two great things; Love and Death''

Of course when it comes to analysing any literature however, it's time period needs to be taken into account—Donna published the book in 1992, which was over 30 years ago. In interview, Donna stated although not now, she wished to write a love story in the future—That of course being The Goldfinch. The thing is, Donna didn't know how to write a love story because she didn't understand love as a whole quite yet, which is why she had not: And I believe that is why we find queer elements in The Secret History.

Beauty is Terror, whatever we call beautiful we quiver before.

At the end of the day, this story is about the relationships between the characters; Humans are fluid, so it only goes to say their relationships between one another would be too. Who cares if it's queer or not, at the end of the day their relationships hung heavy as Anubis scales between Richards shoulder blades.

The Goldfinch was the first book I read, so when I approached The Secret History I came at it with the lens the later published book had set for me; So personally, I can say with full confidence that I saw themes reappearing between the two—The first being unintentional and unrefined—And the later, refined and purposeful.

Like any writer she would've written from what she knew and understood at the time, so I feel a lot of queer elements unintentionally leaked threw whether she had meant it or not. Often writing takes on a whole life of it's own once it touches the public, and when it comes to the queer reading of the book I can see how that's happened.

By the way, this is Another analytical post inspired by something @bandaiddd said!

[prince-liest]

love the way you explore Alastor's friendships but especially with his gal pals, which I feel like might get overlooked by a lot of people! thank you so much for the radiodiva fic. it hit me in all of my aroace feels and of course it's great to read more of Mimzy. you even threw in some Niffty (and a Rosie shoutout) that was sooo cute. truly the Al GalPal fic.

it's also super fun to compare Al's behavior with his female friends (and how much of that is informed by time period and those ideals) and how he behaves when boundaries are crossed with Vox in the 666 series. how much would you say is due to differences in power (overlord vs normal sinner) and gender perceptions? or was that something you were taking into consideration when writing?

Thank you so much! It's a really fun topic for me to explore because, as you said, those are definitely all things that I think about when I write about how Alastor relates to other people, especially people with the potential to become friends! I think it's power and gender.

This turned into a pretty long post, so: the rest is under the cut!

We definitely see in canon that Alastor has a different relationship with his female friends than he does with pretty much any male character, period. I think that his behavior in that sense is very much informed by the time period that he's from. Obviously he hasn't strictly retained '20s sensibilities (except maybe with regards to radio, haha), but I think he clearly puts some effort into presenting himself as a gentleman when women are involved in a way that he simply doesn't bother with when men are. He offers a certain amount of leeway and respect to characters like Niffty, Mimzy, Rosie, and even Charlie, who I personally think that he would claim as a friend but doesn't realize he may or may not be beginning to genuinely see as one. Honestly, the female character to get the least amount of leeway from him is Vaggie, and she's outright hostile to him on many occasions.

But... even with Vaggie, he's much nicer to her outright antagonism than he is to, say, Husk. He's still unkind when he prods her about Charlie's expectations in episode one, and I think he knows he has to maintain a veneer of decency with her that he doesn't with Husk, but I think from the way he expresses himself it's still telling that he seems more amused than irritated with her even when he's being a petty bitch about it.

He does have female friends across different power levels, and I think in each case there's a clear consideration to that aspect of the dynamic as well. He most likely owns Niffty's soul, and he gives Niffty an incredibly amount of leeway with his person and outright says that he admires her in a way. Mimzy is a sinner who runs to him for help, and he enables her behavior and attitude with fondness and, I think we can extrapolate, consistently comes through for her requests - he's also incredibly polite to her when he asks her not to, y'know, destroy the project he's currently investing so much time into. Rosie, on the other hand, is an overlord - and he still shows her a great deal of fondness, but I think it's also telling that their dialogue seems to imply that their relationship is very well-balanced by mutual favors.

And on that note, it's also not a coincidence that I tend to reach for Angel Dust, a very genderqueer character who does not personally perform traditional masculinity (and in fact puts quite a bit of effort into his feminine persona) as a member of the hotel crew that Alastor would be the most able to become friends of sorts with. Angel is, of course, also a sinner of a pretty low power level, and I think that underneath the external wildly different presentations, he and Alastor have a lot in common (namely on the topic of masking), but he's not the only character who masks around Alastor and compared to Vox or Lucifer, who are both powerful people and not particularly feminine, he's a lot higher on the "ease of friend potential" meter for Alastor.

The friendliest we see Alastor being with a male character in canon is with Zestial, whose general persona is very gentlemanly... but even then, I would call their attitude toward each other one of friendly posturing as coworkers who have an eye on each other, rather than genuinely friendly.

When I write Alastor dealing with Vox in 666: Live on Air! it's definitely with consideration to "How the hell would Alastor be more genuine, non-performative friends with an actual guy?" because, like... Vox isn't wrong when he says that he's the first dude that's earned the sheer amount of leeway that Alastor offers him, both physically and emotionally.

(Disclaimer I feel compelled to make: No, it's not because Vox is trans. Alastor straight up does not initially realize that, and even despite knowing it at the current point of the story, nothing about Vox's presentation actually reads as feminine to Alastor in any way. He's a softer touch with Angel Dust than Vox for a reason!)

What ends up happening is that Alastor... wants, even if it's largely subconscious, to behave with Vox as comfortably as he does with Rosie, Mimzy, and Niffty. But unfortunately, he runs into the issue of 1) his paranoid hindbrain is still regularly registering Vox as a power-hungry threat, at least in part due to Vox's actual previous behavior, and 2) he is honestly closer to Vox in some aspects than he is to his other friends because of the sheer amount of weird self-discovery they've gotten up to, which means that opening up the same way would be showing more vulnerability, and to a person that, frankly, Alastor doesn't feel like he has a veneer of gender role-dictated propriety to protect himself with. Especially since Vox is an overlord, and especially since a lot of the actual kinky shit that they get up to is predicated on Vox having abilities that the average sinner doesn't.

So when Mimzy crosses a boundary, Alastor accomodates her in whatever way is genuinely important to her, then gently corrects her and sets her on her way. This is just how Mimzy is, this is how their dynamic has been for a long time, and he does not register her as a threat. When Vox crosses a boundary... it's an attack, and if it's a serious enough one, then Alastor subscribes to the school of responses of nuclear proportions to dissuade any motherfucker from ever even thinking about trying again. See: the trail of dead overlord bodies left in his wake after his original descent into hell.

The turning point that leads him to make a deal to his slight but very actual disadvantage in Network 0666: No Signal is that Vox shows him some genuine upset and vulnerability. Vox has been vulnerable before this point, but he's generally been loud, obnoxious, pathetic, and over-the-top about it, and honestly often also just absolutely turned it into a sex thing. This is the first time that Vox managed, though entirely unintentionally, to find one of the heartstrings that is so much more accessible to characters like Mimzy, and accidentally tug on it. Alastor finds safety in the vulnerability of his friends, but he also likes being the powerful figure that provides those friends with help and protection, even in ways that might look like they're to his own detriment.

(Until, of course, they end up actually being to his detriment - see: Adam - at which point he loses his shit about it. But, uh, his ego makes it hard for him to see when that might actually happen!)

Anyway, this ended up a long post that could probably have been less rambling, but I hope it answered your question!

[eetherealgoddess]

Before you continue, this ends dark as hell so I’m gonna warn you rn!!! Hope you like it anyway! ♡︎♡︎

ꨄEscaping Bonten is for Scrapsꨄ

Oneshot - Yandere Bonten/Assassin Au

❦You are an assassin that’s after a target Bonten already has their paws on❦

Sano Manjiro, Hanemiya Kazutora, Sanzu Haruchiyo, & Haitani Brothers x Reader

Not fully proofread

MY TR FANDOM WORKS ARE ONLY ON TUMBLR, AO3, AND WATTPAD UNDER EETHEREALGODDESS! REPORT IF YOU SEE IT POSTED UNDER ANYONE ELSE BUT ME!!!

I apologize if I get any Japanese etiquette or culture wrong, I literally have to research the culture for some of my fandom stories so if anything is wrong, please excuse my ignorance.

Notice:

✩Y/n is 18+. I picture her as a black female but you can see her however.

✩Some parts of the story may not be realistic or factual. After all, this is a work of fiction.

✩Although it's a dark 'romance,' I do not condone any of the behavior displayed.

✩Dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit sexual content, etc.

✩There may be scenes that involve non con and/ or dubcon so don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable

✩That being said, this story is for 18+ only.

Enjoy!

Escaping Bonten is for Scraps

You eye around the busy nightclub, pushing through the crowd as you search for your assigned target. Eyebrows furrowed as your nose scrunches at the thick tobacco smell mixed with alcohol and a variety of cologne and perfume.

“Where is this guy?” You hiss, shoving a drunk person to the side as you head to the back of the building. Once you push the doors open, you see the tall staircase, sighing before stepping on.

Why did I have to get assigned to a club?

It’s not that you were against the party scene, it’s just not ideal for a mission to find someone you need to kill. Your boss chose you for the assignment created by a bitter divorcee. You roll your eyes as you remember the file stating, “Please murder my cheating ex husband.” Of course, your company is underground and perfect for not being caught, though why risk going to prison over a cheating spouse?

Fortunately, this should be fairly quick. The soon to be deceased spouse is known for his drinking habit, speaking belligerently as he drunkenly walks from bar to bar which makes him an easy target. You followed him here, his third club of the night. You couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for him considering he is just minding his business and drinking on his lonesome. Sure, he’s bitter as well and is a slob but it’s probably just a down point in his life.

At least I’ll put him out of his misery.

Once you reach the top of the staircase, noticing that the whole floor is empty, you pull your gun out, readying it to use. You hold it down to your side as you walk from room to room, searching for your victim. When you see that the whole upper stairs is empty, you hide your gun, and walk towards the exit of the room you just entered. Your eyes widened when you heard a scream coming from behind you.

You turn around and quickly move to the window, squatting, hiding yourself behind the wall so the people outside couldn’t see you. Easing your head up, you peeked to the outside. Standing at the back of the building, a group of men in suits hover around a kneeling man who’s covering his head as one of the men slams his foot against his side, causing him to fall over. You notice a smaller man who stood in the middle of the suited men walk closer to the male on the ground.

Your eyebrows raise when the man is forced to put his arms down as the shorter man crouches in front of him, realizing the guy is your target.

“What did this guy get himself into?” You whisper to yourself before moving quickly to crack the window so you can decipher what’s occurring.

“You owe us a lot of money, Nakamura.” A man with two blonde strands says, his wide eyes staring deeply at the victim.

“I-I know! I’m going th-through a divorce. I j-just need more time!” He coughs out blood in between his words. The short man in front of him leans in.

“You’ve wasted my time.” He stands up before moving back, motioning for the purple haired man holding the baton to walk forward.

He swings his arms back before slamming them down with a smirk on his face. He repeatedly hits the man over and over again with so much force that blood splatters on his own suit. The man cries out in pain as he becomes light headed.

You wince as you watch this painful sight.

Damn, now I’m feeling even more bad for this guy. I think I’m just going to go ahead and shoot him. Help him out, forreal.

Standing up completely, you aim at the man’s head perfectly with the gun. Without needing the other guy to stop beating him, you pull the trigger, a shot ringing out loudly. The bullet penetrates his head, killing him on the spot. The men, startled, looked around their surroundings as the pink haired man turned to the window, his blue eyes catching yours before you turned on your heel and ran.

“Fuck, he saw me!” You hiss as you run down the stairs, gun hidden as you push through the crowd.

Fortunately, it looks as though you all are into some shady business, though that doesn’t mean you want to catch their attention. You run out of the exit and rush to your car parked at the side of the building.

“Shit, shit, shit!” You rush to unlock the car before hopping in. Before you could close the door, a hand blocks the door. Your wide eyes meet purple orbs before you're pulled out of the car by your shirt. Before you could grab your gun, your front is forced against the car as your gun is grabbed and aimed at your head. The man with the purple mullet holds your arms behind your back with one hand. Before you could say anything, the butt of the gun meets your head, darkness engulfing your vision.

When you first wake up, your eyes meet a dimly lit warehouse, a throbbing pain at the side of your head causes you to pull against the restraints you didn’t know were there to touch your head. Groaning your eyes, the rope strategically tied around your ankles strapping you to the chair.

“Damn.” You breathe out. The click of a gun sounded next to your head causing you to make eye contact with the blue-eyed man you saw before.

“You’re an assassin working for an underground company, right Y/n?” You look up to see the short man sitting on a chair in front of you at a distance. The men stood around him, eyeing you.

“Who am I answering to?” You question, resulting in the gun being pushed against your head harder causing you to wince, the spot where you were once hit feeling raw under the barrel of the weapon.

“I don’t repeat myself.” The sunken eyed man states, his white hair hovering over his face.

“Yes.” You spit out, frustration being the only emotion to decipher at the moment.

“You work for Bonten.” You gasp at the familiar name.

“What the hell are you talking about?” The gun smacks against your face, forcing your head to lean to the side as you squeeze your eyes shut in pain.

“Watch your mouth.” The pink haired man growls, using one hand to force your head back in place before replacing the barrel in the same spot.

“You will keep your assassin title and you will work under the executives.” Your eyebrows furrowed.

“Or what?” You hiss. The pale man signals for the taller short haired man to walk towards you holding his baton. He smiles before pulling it back and slamming it against your stomach. You lean forward before coughing out blood.

“You die.” Your new boss states.

A few months pass before you’re completely used to the yakuza scene. There are times when you wonder what exactly did they see in you to ‘hire’ you as an assassin working under the executives. It wasn’t a hard job, basically like the one you were used to besides the power dynamic. Although you worked under an old boss, he treated everyone equally and you had normal coworkers who you’d go out to the bars with occasionally. You were free to live your own life as long as you didn’t get caught.

Working under Bonten, you weren’t allowed the same freedom as your executives. Your job title was assassin but considering their low respect for you, sometimes you were a maid, assistant, butler, etc. At least that’s what it felt like when you had to run errands for them that didn’t involve shooting a bullet in someone’s head. Sure it’s nicer than killing but who wants to work to serve a bunch of disrespectful men?

Not to mention, you weren’t allowed outside without being accompanied by one of the executives. Of course, the executives you wouldn’t mind being around such as Mochi, Kakucho, Koko, and Takeomi weren’t the ones who accompanied you. It was always the Haitani brothers, Kazutora, or Sanzu. Even when you’re supposed to be off the clock you were always around at least one of them. You no longer have your own apartment and have to stay in a designated room in a penthouse that holds all of your rooms, though everyone else owns their own homes.

Currently, you are sitting in the vip section of one of the Haitani brother’s clubs, arms crossed along with your leg as you lean back on the couch. Kazutora plops next to you with a drink in hand along with one of the strippers in the other, her bare breasts out as she holds onto him.

“You don’t look so happy, Y/n. Should we have taken you to a male strip club?” He taunts, finding amusement in her pouty face.

“I’m glad you find humor in my suffering. I just want to go to bed.” You respond.

A dip on your other side causes you to turn your head to meet Sanzu who has a speck of white dust under his nose. He wipes using his sleeve before handing you a cup of alcohol.

“Live a little, yeah?” You raise a brow as you push the drink away. You had to admit how interesting it was to see the different contrasts between the infamous mad dog. One minute he’s all serious for ‘his king’ and the next he’s sniffing angel’s dust off of a stripper's ass. Interesting indeed.

“I don’t know what you put in that.” You state before turning away from him.

“Then take this. It’s just champagne.” Rin smirks as he hands you another glass from a separate chair, man spreading as he smokes a blunt.

“And I should trust you, why?” You roll your eyes before standing up.

“Where are you off to?” Ran asks as his hand grips the butt cheek of the stripper sucking his neck.

“Bathroom.” You state before walking out. You eye the guards before heading to the restroom.

You walk to the sink and lean over, staring at yourself in the mirror as you think your life over and what brought you to this point. You swiftly turn your head when someone walks into the bathroom. You notice the woman is wearing a poorly done wig with a coat on. You contemplate whether or not you should knock her out and disguise yourself so you can make a run for it.

My morals have always been skewed anyway. I’m sorry lady.

Before she could walk into the stall, you grab her and press her pressure point, catching her before she falls. You undo her coat and set the purse on the ground, lying her head on it gently before pulling her wig off. Setting the wig on as well as the coat, you walk out of the bathroom.

You walk at a steady pace to look anything but suspicious while keeping your head down. When you successfully pass the guards you make a run for it, rushing out of the club and finding a taxi to pick you up, throwing your phone out of the window for safety from a tracking device.

Your adrenaline pumps as the hairs on your body stand. You breathe heavily as you give the taxi man the direction to your old company’s headquarters. When you got there, you ran into the building in search of your boss. When you find his office, you push the doors open and run towards the man who looks at you with shock.

A year passes and he helps you back on your feet. Staying as an assassin would have been dangerous considering the first place Bonten searched for you was the headquarters. Fortunately, he has a family who owns different businesses so you currently work at a bakery on the farthest side of a city hours away from where you used to reside.

One night, you were cleaning up the floors, closing the store. You had already locked the door so you were confused when you heard someone entering the building. Looking up, you dropped the broom when you recognized Mikey standing in front of the door with a gun pointed at you. Before you could move, a hand wrapped around your mouth as someone grabbed your arms, pulling you against a chest. You struggle in their hold.

Your eyes widen when you see your boss and his family consisting of his wife, two of their adult children, and one child being dragged in wrapped in rope and bags over their heads. You scream against the hand.

“Relax and everything will go smoother.” The voice she recognized as Kazutora states behind her.

Once the other men force everyone on their knees in front of her, they pull the bags off their heads.

She screams once more when she makes eye contact with all of them, tears running down her face for the first time at the face of death.

No they can’t do this! This can’t be happening!

Complying to Mikey’s order, Kazutora removes his hand from her mouth as he locks arms with hers. She pulls against him as she tries to release herself, to no avail. The Haitani brothers watch in amusement as they stand behind the two adult kids. Sanzu stands behind the child as Mikey moves to stand behind the boss.

“This is your fault.” He says to you, glaring before he sets his gun to the man’s head. The child cries along with the mother and the children. The man’s eyes are wide as he looks to the side in the direction of his family. They were prevented from talking, mouths bound shut as they squeal and groan.

“Mikey! M-Mikey please don’t do this! I-I’ll stay this time I swear to god! Please… just kill me or something d-don’t take it out on them!” You cry out, devastated by the display as the guilt takes over.

“Sanzu.” He states. Everyone watches as he sets the barrel of the gun on the child’s head, pulling the trigger before anyone could think. There was a pause as the shot rang out, the blood and brains splattering against his siblings, the wall, and the floor.

“STOP! NO MORE!” You let out a blood curdling scream. You pull and pull against Kazutora as he grips you tighter.

Your boss wails against his restraints angrily, falling over when he attempts to stand up, lying pitifully on his side as he kicks his feet and pulls against the rope. The wife and their children cry out, tears dropping fast as they squeeze their eyes shut.

“Haitanis.”

“NO! NO MIKE-!” The shots rang out, more blood and brains splattering as their limp bodies fall to the ground, one sibling with half of their head gone as well as the other along with an eyeball, their blood reaching their mother as she completely bends over and cries.

Mikey aims at the wife shooting her twice before her limp body falls, the husband still as he weeps for his deceased family. Kazutora allows you to drop to your knees. Hands placed on the ground as you become light headed. Finally, vomit shoots up your throat as you release the contents on the ground. Gagging and belching as your body shakes, wet with sweat.

This must be my karma for all of the wrong doings. This must be how people feel when they see their loved ones die.

“I-I’m so sorry, Akihiko. I’m so fucking sorry.” You whine out, tears and snot falling as you become a wreck. He looks at you with despair.

“Please, escape the-!” Before he could finish his sentence, Mikey had already blown his brains out.

You gaze at the messy floor with a blurry vision and wide eyes. Footsteps stop in front of you, missing the vomit. Mikey crouches down and pulls you by the chin to look up at him, gun still in the other hand.

“If you try to leave again, I’ll blow your legs off.”

[darkscorpiox]

Utena - Analysis on the opening

I don’t know if someone has already done it, but here’s my interpretation of the opening.

Warning: very, VERY long post and mention of scenes from the show, enough to be considered spoilers (sorry 😅)

Edit: I’ve made an analysis on the first ending as well

Let’s live heroically, let’s live with style. (Just a long, long time.)

The opening starts with our two main characters naked and in a fetal position, indicating their status of “newborn” in the story. Then, they are clad in the garbs of their respective roles. Interestingly, despite facing and leaning toward each other, their eyes remain close. In the case of Utena, it symbolizes her inability to see beyond her own narrative of the heroic prince saving the princess. As for Anthy, it’s her resignation to not see anything beyond her role of Rose Bride which she has played for decades/centuries, hence the long, long time.

Even if the two of us are torn apart… (Let go of me…) …take my revolution.

In the next sequence, not only are they not looking at each other, but they are also back-to-back, another indication that they are positioned to be at odds with each other, whether they want to or not. Still, despite the obstacles thrown at them, despite Anthy’s attempts to make Utena give up on her (“Let go of me…”), the latter doesn’t stop telling her to take her hand (revolution) and that’s what she did.

In the sunlit garden, we both joined out hands.

Miki’s sunlit garden is an idealized memory, so it makes sense to compare Utena’s goal of becoming a prince to the former. Also, the tower, where her journey is supposed to end with her heteronormative “happily ever after”, is where she and Anthy join hands and the latter’s revolution begins.

The sequence where Utena walks with the male students has a “one of the boys” kind of vibe and that might have been the intent. The tomboy character may appear progressive by refusing to conform to traditionally feminine gender norms, but that’s instead a sexist concept because it implies that Utena’s gender, her femininity (and by association, anything branded as “girly”), is the one thing that makes her less than her fellow male schoolmates. Also, she looks over her shoulder, something or someone (Anthy?) catching her attention which stops her from blindly following the other boys’ lead.

Drawing close for comfort, we both swore…

In Anthy’s case, due to her hair and skin color, the vibe she emanates as she walks with her fellow female schoolmates is “not like other girls”, another trope which hurts women by marginalizing the few “different/special ones” from the “normal/average ones” or vice versa. However, the reason she turned around (Utena? Her perspicacity?) is what helps her preserve the part of her identity which is still deep within her. So being different isn’t a bad thing as long as every person, especially girls, are given the same courtesy.

If you read the Japanese lyrics, you would know chikai (from chikau, meaning “to swear/vow”) is at the beginning of Anthy’s sequence, when we see the gates of Ohtori, where she swears to find Utena again.

(Also, did you notice that their respective sequences begin with a shot of where their story in Ohtori ends?)

…never again would we ever fall in love. (Every time.)

This line is sung as our two protagonists stand face to face in Anthy’s cage-like greenhouse, where the cycle of the quest for revolution always (re)starts. That vow of never falling in love again, along with that Every time, makes me wonder about how many games had taken place before Utena. How many times had Anthy been engaged to a “chosen one”? How many of those “chosen ones” did she grow to love, yet still choose to betray? How many times did she swore to never love another again only to do so despite said promise to herself? Utena, by ending the cycle, makes the vow mentioned before much sweeter: she and Anthy choose to never fall in love again because they have pledged their love for each other till death do them part (like a married couple 🥰🤵🏻‍♀️👰🏾‍♀️🥰).

I see that photo of us standing cheek to cheek… …and place a bit of my loneliness in our smiles. (Revolution!)

At this moment, the past represented by Utena and Anthy lying down, facing each other, and the future represented by the lyrics paralleled each other.

Past: a (naively) smiling Utena and a (falsely) smiling Anthy -> Anthy gives the white rose, the symbol of the Prince and by association, patriarchy, the source of her eternal pain, to Utena who is unaware of the dark history connected to it -> (failed) Revolution by dueling (transition to the dueling arena)

Future: the photo at the end of Episode 39 -> Anthy’s longing for Utena -> (successful) Revolution by leaving Akio

Even if I dream, even if I cry, even if I get hurt… …reality keeps on coming recklessly.

This sequence is about the Duelists.

Utena being the one who dreams is self-explanatory.

Saionji, if you pause at the right time, is seen with tears in his eyes. Behind his arrogant attitude is nothing but a mentally weak and insecure boy who throws violent tantrums when things don’t go his way.

Juri is no doubt the one most hurt in the series, not only because of her gender, but also because of her sexual orientation (I’ve made a post about it).

Miki and Nanami being the ones hit by reality makes sense due to the knowledge they idealize the relationship they shared with their respective siblings when they were children.

But what about Touga? Maybe it’s the confidence that he could get the power to revolutionize the (his) world if he emulates the system which had hurt him only to realize that such way of doing things won’t get him closer to his goal. Or, since he’s the first antagonist of the show, giving us a taste of what Akio, another male character whose inside is the opposite of his princely front, could do to girls, maybe he represents the reality/truth of the (imperfect) world.

All these Duelists, these teenagers, fight each other for a purpose and that later turns out to be futile after they find out that the rules they play by are a cover for a much more sinister plot.

I wanna find my own place, the value of being…

The first half, we focus on Utena who raises her sword with a determined look as the blue sky turned golden and the dueling arena crumbled. Utena rejects the narrative Akio wants for her and in the process, breaks the world he has created (and kept Anthy in).

While we zoom in on Utena, symbolizing her will to move forward, it’s the opposite with Anthy. Expression blank, she put some distance between her and Utena/the viewer(s), letting herself (her true self) disappear with Akio’s self-made world.

This sequence foreshadows what will happen in Episode 38.

…the person I’ve been until now…

But as it is shown in Episode 39, Anthy didn’t disappear in the fall of Akio’s world and stood up against her brother (riding a horse), mirroring Utena.

Also, we see Dios opens his eyes as the dueling arena crumbles to dust.

In Episode 13, Akio is conversing with a “sealed” Dios who “glare[s] at” him for wanting to bring the Prince back into the world. Dios had been “sealed away” because playing Prince had been killing him. Anthy had become the world’s sole target of their hatred so that he would no longer carry that great burden on his shoulders ever again. Dios is angry at Akio for not only trying to turn her sacrifice into a fruitless endeavor, but for also taking part in her eternal torment by making her an accomplice in his scheme.

Akio has internalized the teachings of patriarchy. He now idealizes the Prince, forgetting that his current self isn’t the result of Anthy sealing the latter’s power away. He had, of his own volition, casted away his “nobility” and enjoyed the privileges of his gender. He was free of the duties expected from the Prince yet chose to not use that freedom to search for a way to save his sister without taking on that mantle again. Protected by a patriarchal system, Akio is in fact afraid of carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders again despite his desire to return to his “glory days”. He wants to be the Prince again (regression), but also doesn’t want to give up his life of privilege. There is no step toward self-improvement. And that’s why his quest for revolution is nothing but a pretext to play people like a fiddle, especially the vulnerable ones like children and women. I think he subconsciously knows he’s maintaining a perpetual cycle meant to end in failure, but he’s too lost in his self-centeredness to take a third option, to destroy the limits of his coffin. In other words, Akio must let patriarchy (manifested through the game and the dueling arena) disappear in order to regain the lost part of him that is Dios, because what the latter really wants is to live in a better world, one where Princes aren’t needed anymore.

Let’s find the strength to throw it all away. Strip down to nothing all.

Utena having the strength to throw everything away references her decision to give up on the heteronormative “happy ending” given to her at the cost of Anthy’s well-being.

Anthy being stripped of everything references her true (naked) self within her coffin.

Become like rose petals, blowing free!

Honestly, that part was a bit difficult to interpret. We do see petals blown in the wind when Utena beats boys at basketball, but the only time I saw them concerning Anthy (and by association, the duels) was when the Duelist gets “deflowered”, and I didn’t get a feeling of freedom from it. Or so I thought at first. Knowing that the duels are part of Akio’s plot which is nothing but a wild goose chase, it makes sense in the context that losing means some time away from Akio’s control and thus, a chance to reflect and for self-improvement. Also, if the dueling arena is like a groomed flower, then its rubble is the petals. This might be foreshadowed in Episode 9, when Anthy falls with rose petals scattered everywhere as Utena tries to catch her.

Even if the two of us are torn apart… …I swear that I will change the world.

We have a return of Even if the two of us are torn apart… (Let go of me…) / …take my revolution. This time, there’s no request to let go of the other party and Utena is taking the next step toward (self-)improvement. If you pause at the right time, you can see she is not in a fetal position like at the beginning of the opening. Now, it looks like she is opening herself to the real world.

Anthy is not present, but that’s because she hasn’t reunited with Utena yet. Until that day comes, the latter will keep fighting for the world both deserve to live in.

In conclusion, the opening is a summary of the entire series and foreshadows how it would end.

[drawingdroid]

The Unknown Regions IV

A Din Djarin x Fem Plus Size Reader Fic

Summary: You, a soft astrophysicist, meet the hardened Mandalorian in less-than-ideal circumstances. Your abilities will lead to you crossing the galaxy together in search of his green son.

Read Chapter 1 | Read Chapter 2 | Read Chapter 3

This chapter is rated +18! Minors do not interact!

Warnings: Expect conversations about weight, body dysmorphia and internalised fatphobia that may be triggering, so read at your own discretion; reader is AFAB and user she/her pronouns; no use of y/n; smut; the bucket stays on; naked female clothed male; hurt and comfort; Sad Din :(

Word count: 3,745

A/N: Din and you have a misunderstanding and actually talk openly about it like ADULTS! I love fiction!!! Finally, smut is here dear readers, I hope you enjoy it. I've struggled like crazy to write this chapter bc smut felt forced and I wanted a smoooth transition. I am not super happy with the result, but hey, I need to know when to let go. I've been thinking this would be interesting from Din's pov too, lemme know what you think. And yes, I know I don't respond to any comments I love reading them but anxiety kills me when I hit reply! I'm so sorry!!!

🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐

You were so focused on your calculations that you didn't notice Din observing you. Leaning against the doorframe casually, the bounty hunter had his gaze fixated on you. He was stealthy for such a big man, so when his gloved hand gently touched your shoulder your heart skipped a beat.

“¡Mando!” You jumped from your seat. He immediately retrieved his touch as if he had been burnt.

“Sorry I…I didn't want to startle you.”

He looked so uncomfortable right now you felt bad for him. Well, had seemed uncomfortable around you for the two weeks you had been travelling together, so that wasn’t new. You were sure your presence around the ship had prevented him from relaxing at all. It was normal, its size had you clashing with each other all the time and it didn’t provide any privacy. And the Razor Crest, you have learnt, was also his home. Well, his and Grogu's.

He told you about the little one a night he was being especially silent. The moon you had stopped at looked inhabited and arid. He commented it was similar to Arvala-7, the planet where he found the child. After that, you listened while he spoke about how he met his son. His beautiful voice was full of pain and you ended up offering your hand for relief and support. He was hesitant but ended up accepting your warm touch.

Since then, casual physical contact had been a constant between you. With the days passing, you grew bolder with it, no longer squishing yourself to prevent your bodies from touching in the tight space of the Crest, and more like rubbing your plush body against his armour. A friendly hand on his shoulder, his on the small of your back. Therere were brief moments that made your heart flutter at the contact.

The truth was that living together had only made your initial attraction to him grow: observing such a mighty warrior performing the little tasks of day-to-day life was somewhat endearing. The things you could learn about someone just by looking at them at their little routines were incredible. You realized he was a methodical, goal-oriented man, and although he looked serious he did things like speaking with his ship when you wouldn't notice. He was also very caring, not only about Grogu but also his covert, the name he used to refer to the other Mandalorians he lived among. And he had the highest respect for his culture and his creed, something you really admired about him. Every day, you hoped he admired you back, too.

“Don’t worry about it, I tend to become so self-absorbed when I work I forget my surroundings.” You fidgeted nervously with your hair, feeling the burn of his gaze, until his visor shifted to the nav system. “Oh, I calculated the coordinates for the final jump and double-checked them. It’ll take around 30 standard hours to arrive there.” 

Since you were travelling towards uncharted space, you couldn’t just jump to the planet, even though you knew the coordinates it was reckless without knowing the obstacles you could possibly meet, so it was more sensible to do it on shorter jumps.

“Let me check.” Mando leaned towards the console, supporting himself in his strong arms. You hoped your gasp at his sudden closeness wasn’t too audible.

“Are you doubting my calculations?” You meant to sound sassy but your voice came shaky. He was too close, hovering over you while checking the route. If your body wasn’t covered due to the cold of outer space, he could have noticed the goosebumps his proximity provoked.

“You can't drive a ship.” He deadpanned. You didn't feel bad about his affirmation, it was a fact. You had never had the opportunity to learn.

“I know my numbers, Mando.” You retorted, confident in your ability. He stared at you while you tried to remain unbothered. The truth was that the banter and his physical closeness had you a little flushed.  His gaze finally left you to resume checking the panel and you rolled your eyes, although you understood his doubts. After all, his child and his ship were at stake 

“This is flawless.” He admitted after a while, turning his helmet to you again.”Good job.” You opened your eyes widely at the praise and observed his muscular frame towering over you. His beskar looked beautiful, reflecting the starry space. He looked beautiful.

“I’m happy to help in any way I can.” You responded in a small voice, swallowing hard. 

Neither of you moved for a while and you sighed involuntarily.  With how close you were, you could just lean on him as you had been longing to do. To be embraced by his big arms. He sighed, his visor not leaving your frame. You wondered if he felt the pull too. He had to. The magnetic field was just too strong.

“Mando…” He shifted his position, coming even closer to you. You could observe your doe-eyed reflection in his Beskar helmet. He raised his gloved hand and reached for your round shoulder again. This time his touch was gentler than ever and his orange thumb caressed your clothed skin. Mouth dry, you wondered what would his next step be.

“I need…my seat to make the jump.” 

The spell broke. Your brain was not computing. You swore you could die right there from the embarrassment. Of course, you were sitting on the pilot's chair. He only wanted your fat ass to move. And you thought you were having a moment. What an idiot, fantasizing about embracing him or whatever, when he only wanted to resume the trip to get to his son as soon as possible.

Clumsily, you stood up, your face hot with embarrassment. Inevitably, your bodies rubbed in the tiny space. You were a big woman, he was practically on you and the cockpit wasn’t precisely ample.

“Of course.” 

The feeling was all-consuming and you rushed towards the sliding door, abandoning the cockpit in a heartbeat. You couldn’t see how a very confused Mando observed you leaving, asking himself how he had offended you.

Tears of embarrassment stained your cheeks when you managed to curl inside the bunk. Mando had been so kind to let you sleep there, and you had been loving it. The first night you couldn't help yourself and used your fingers to make you cum three times. His masculine fragrance was everywhere. It was like being embraced by him and your imagination was an overactive one. 

But now, having his scent kriffing everywhere wasn’t helping to deflect the feeling of rejection that had taken you. Why were you being like this? Of course, it wasn’t the first time you were turned down. Or the tenth. By now, you should be used to it. But nevertheless, it hurt a lot. 

All your life, you were always the clever, bright friend. The daughter who didn’t cause trouble. The gentle and caring one. But you were never called beautiful. Even by your romantic partners. They may say things about how they loved your “fat ass” or “big tits” but this didn’t make you feel pretty but just objectified, and especially, not truly seen as a sentient being. The worst of your male companions even complained about your size and how they weren’t able to manhandle you as they would have done with a smaller woman. You knew this was rooted in their deepest insecurities and how being perceived as smaller than their partner affected their self-esteem... But what about yours?

The truth was that Mando’s gesture (or lack of it) hadn’t been so hurtful, but the stream of memories it triggered, and now you found yourself sobbing under his sheets. When you felt the familiar blow of entering hyperspace, you only hoped that he remained in the cockpit and let you hide for the rest of the trip. But he didn’t.

First, you heard the familiar footsteps coming down from the ladder. He cleared his throat and then knocked softly at the bunk's door. Your blood froze.

“Hey I'm…I'm sorry.” You could clearly hear these weren't words he said often or lightly. A knot formed in your stomach but the tears stopped.

“It 's okay.” You responded with a raspy voice from the crying.

“No, I shouldn't have doubted your route. You're the professional.”

You couldn't decide between bursting into laughter or crying again. He was clueless, wasn't he? Maybe you could just roll with that and hide your true feelings. It was a good opportunity and it’ll save you from an uncomfortable moment. But you weren't the kind of person to do that.

“Mando, do you really think I'm mad because of that?” A pensive hum was his only response.

The bunk's door opened and a very confused warrior appeared right in front of you. Your eyes were red but your smile was bright. You felt your heart hammering inside your chest. He looked so helpless, all his self-assurance gone because of your tears. You sighed, gathering the courage to speak.

“In the cockpit, there was a moment when you were very close to me...” Mando immediately stiffened.

“I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable because of that. I thought…” His voice was strained through the modulator. You shook your head.

“I'm the one who misunderstood the situation, Mando.” You stared at him but it was clear his metal head wasn't computing. “ You were almost all over me. I thought something was going to happen. Between us.” You had to clarify.

The gears inside the helmet started turning and finally, you could see those broad shoulders relax a bit.

“You expected…you wanted something to happen between us?” He asked using your own words. You bit your lip unsure, but you were already too far gone to stop this.

“Yes Mando, I really like you and what happened in the cockpit made me feel rejected. That's why I was mad.” This time you tried to explain yourself clearly as you didn't want more misunderstandings, even though your skin felt like molten lava. Mando remained silent for a while, shifting his weight and finally took a step towards the bunk, putting a hand against the frame of the door.

“Why would I reject you?” 

“What?” It wasn't possible you had heard that right.

“You've understood me perfectly.” His voice turned darker and commanding. You swallowed at the sudden change of demeanour. 

“I don't know. Many have rejected me before. It made sense.” You felt vulnerable and hugged your knees trying to appear smaller unconsciously. Opening up about your fear of rejection wasn't in your plans today. “Where I come from, being overweight is frowned upon.” You added in a small voice, ashamed of your feelings.

“Di’kute!” He grunted the foreign word, audibly angry. To your surprise, he sat next to you inside the cot and grabbed your hand. “You're a gorgeous woman, mesh’la. They were bantha fodder if they couldn't appreciate you.”

It may have been your already sensitive state, but tears came again to you. His faceless stare burnt you, as well as his body heat inside the tiny space. But he continued with the praise without letting go of your hand.

“Where I come from fat is a good signal. It means health, and strength. Extra padding in battle.” You giggled but he was serious. “It's synonymous with peace and not living off ration bars. It means giving birth to healthy younglings.” He added the last point in a raspier voice and you stopped breathing thinking about the meaning behind those words. 

“Mando…”

“Come here mesh’la.” You didn't recognise the last word but obeyed and the next moment you were in his lap. “Can I touch you?” His voice sounded kinder this time, less commanding. Your heart was going to explode.

“Please.” 

And then his hands were all over you. Tracing the outline of your curves, grabbing the supple flesh of your tights, grazing over your generous bust. The touch was so intoxicating, passionate but slow, as if he wanted desperately to memorize your shape.

“Your body is precious, I'll put a hole between the eyes of whoever made you feel the opposite.” You had never felt aroused by violence, but Mando's voice whispering that in your ear made things to you. It felt so hot inside the bunk by then you felt the necessity to get rid of your clothing. Nevertheless, in spite of Mando's praise, you doubted when you grabbed the hem of your tunic. He sensed your hesitancy. “Are you gonna show me that beautiful armour padding?”

You giggled, amused by how playful he became in bed, and finally removed the piece of clothing. His sharp breath was everything you needed to hear.

“Like what you see Mando?” You teased, discarding the tunic and feeling a bit more confident because of his reaction. While he was a victim of a momentary paralysis, you took your chance to caress his biceps where any armour protected his skin. He was as hard as Beskar there and you thought this warrior could be the first to actually manhandle you. That thought only contributed to the heat growing in your centre dangerously.

“Dank Farrik I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my hands off you after this.” His voice sounded pained behind the vocoder while he appreciated your soft body.

“Then don’t.” You coed, and then guided his hands to your breasts that were spilling from your bra dangerously. Mando exhaled loudly as if all the tension he had been holding the last weeks was released. His gloved thumbs found your nipples fast, the stiff material feeling so good against your sensitive peaks. “Don’t be afraid, you can be rougher with them.”

Mando actually moaned at your honeyed words and you couldn’t name a more heavenly sound. He explored your tits with devotion, giving them all the attention in the world until your nipples couldn’t be harder and your breathing more agitated. But then, after some time hovering over his legs, yours started to feel numb from sustaining the position so you had to move a bit to feel your muscles again.

“Sorry, my legs went numb.” You excused yourself, but in a heartbeat, his hands shifted to your plush hips and you got the hint. 

“Sit.”

“I’ll crush you.” Looking away, your previous self-confidence cracked a bit after his petition. You were too heavy, he will be uncomfortable and then…

“I carry bounties three times my weight for a living.” With the cocky affirmation, he interrupted your racing thoughts before spiralling. “I’ll be okay.”

You haven’t seen him in action yet, but the image of the Mandalorian manoeuvring a bounty out of pure strength made you shiver, yielding to his command. But you wouldn’t drown without dragging him with you.

“Stars woman!” He grunted when your clothed cunt made contact with his bulge. Not satisfied enough with that, you rolled your hips a couple of times to torture him further. Your plan backfired, as it provoked both of you to moan in unison.

“You wanted me…to sit.” You sassed between laboured breaths. Mando growled in response, but his hands travelled to your behind until they were grabbing a handful of your round ass.

“Do you know where else I’d want you to sit?” His voice was raspier than ever, the desire on it crystal clear to you. He really wanted you.

“Mando!” This playful side of him was unexpected but you were loving every moment of it. He took advantage of his leverage to move you impossibly closer to him, making you squirm when your sensitive nipples touched the colder beskar of his cuirass. Your hands snaked around his thick neck and you found yourself completely squished against your huge warrior. His erection felt so hot and hard between your legs that your cunt only grew wetter and wetter, making you wonder if he could notice. Then he started to move and soon you were moaning in the crook of his neck, grinding like a loth-cat in heat.

“Please mesh’la, let me make you feel as good as you deserve.” All the cockiness of his tone was done when he asked you with the most laboured breathing. His hands started caressing your spine and back rolls and you were a puddle in his strong arms. 

“Let me…let me get up to remove my pants.” He indeed let you, but his hands didn´t, and while you stood to remove the last of your clothes, he continued exploring your body completely mesmerized. “Mando, I can’t undress if you don’t put your hands away!” You giggled standing on the threshold of the bunk waiting for him to realize. His helmet turned up to look at you then as if he was weighing his possibilities.

“Allow me to undress you, please.” The tone of his plead made you shiver and your cunt walls spasm. Your noded suddenly shy and the next moment he was on his knees unfastening your boots. Maker, what a sight.

When he finished with your footwear, he removed your shocks and started caressing your ankles, going up your calves painfully slowly until he finally reached the waistband of your pants. By then, you were shivering out of pure anticipation. But he still took the time to discard first your pants leaving you in your soaked underwear. He stopped and removed his hands for you to your surprise. Maybe he was having second thoughts? Maybe he didn’t like what he saw?

Your thoughts didn’t spiral for long, as Mando started removing his gloves still kneeling at your feet. Your eyes went wide: it was the first time you saw any of his skin. Gloves finally apart, you could appreciate it was a beautiful hue of gold before his thumbs were hooked in your panties. Without seeing his expression, you could feel the reverence in every touch Of his. It was like you were something holy and he was praying at your shrine. Then it hit you: this wasn’t just a fuck for both of you. This will change things.

“You’re drenched mesh’la.” The last piece of clothing was finally removed and his curious hands didn’t take long to open the folds of your glistening cunt. You looked away a bit embarrassed but he assured you. “You’re so beautiful and soft I can't help myself but...”

Then he did the most surprising thing. With his fingers covered with your slick, he went to the inferior part of his helmet and made disappear. He yas kriffing tasting you.

“Dank Farrik and you taste heavenly too.” Things became fast in a moment. He suddenly stood up in all his imposing height, totally covered in contrast with your nakedness, grabbed your but and in a heartbeat was lifting you from the floor. You squirmed in surprise, your legs rapidly snaking around his tapered waist, feeling all the whole glory of his erection against your pussy. He then turned in his heels and laid you in his bed delicately. But you weren’t playing tame anymore.

“Mando, I need you please.” Your plea was accompanied by a roll of your hips against the bulge on his pants, and you moaned at the sensation of the harsh fabric against the sensitive skin there. Mando grunted at the contact and obeyed you, removing his crossbody ammo belt. You continued the grinding while he battled with the straps of his hip belt, pleasuring yourself against his hard cock, until the leather piece full of pouches hit the ground with a loud thud. 

Finally, his hot hands were all over you again and he leaned over your body. But then, he froze in place. You looked at him quizzically when you heard something metallic rolling on the floor. Maybe something important? Maker, you knew he kept bombs on the belt…

“Wait,” he said, leaving you naked in the bunk where you experienced the worst ten seconds of your life thinking you were going to be blown away before having sex with the Mandalorian. But his absence was brief, and he returned with a spherical object between his golden fingers. Something you didn’t recognize at all.

“Is it a bomb?” You asked clueless. He chucked but there was something off about it. 

“It’s from a lever in the cockpit.” You sighed in relief knowing your life or his weren’t in danger. Noticing how he wouldn’t stop looking at the metal ball, you knew he wasn’t okay. Finding your tuning between the mess of sheets and blankets, you put it on and sat on the edge of the cot. You didn’t feel annoyed because the intimate moment was interrupted: it was clear something was disturbing him.

“Hey, Mando, look at me.” You asked, holding his bare wrists most delicately. He flinched at the contact and you noticed his pulse was derailed. Then he looked at you like he had just noticed you were there and started apologising.

“I’m so sorry I…” It looked like he didn’t even know how to start explaining himself. You’ll say he sounded even embarrassed.

“It’s okay, I’m not upset. We don’t have to continue if you don’t feel like it.” His shoulders slumped and his gaze fixated again on the ball. And then you noticed, by the light shivering of his torso. He was crying. Your heart broke in a thousand pieces. “Come here, baby.”  You cooed, opening your arms to the Mandalorian, hoping you could offer some relief to whatever he was experiencing. 

To your surprise, he fell to his knees again and then sank his helmet into your lap. His shoulders were convulsing more visibly now and your chest hurt for him. You started caressing the back of his neck, hoping it felt soothing for him, and remained like that for a while.

“I’ve got you baby.”

You didn’t know how much time it passed with Mando sobbing against your tunic and you doing your best to make him feel better, but after a while, it looked like he was calmer.

“I already lost him once.” His voice was coarse from crying, and even though the lack of context you knew immediately he was referring to Grogu.

“We’ll find him and take him home, Mando.” You responded softly, feeling something warm spread inside you and not stopping for a second your caresses.

“Din.” He finally unburied his head from your lap and looked at you. “My name is Din Djarin.”

[pandoraescape]

Can I request NSFW alphabet for So'lek?👀

{𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐀𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭: So'lek}

Gender Neutral Reader x So'lek

Archive of our own version: Here

A: Aftercare (What they're like after sex)

So'lek is the definition of a warrior, mighty in his skills and fighting. So it was a surprise to discover him to be so gentle with (Y/n).

They sometimes take to the rivers or pools to wash together, enjoying the soft touches and listening to the wildlife of the Kinglor. Forest

B: Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partners)

He loves their Neck.

Lick, kiss, bite, and nimble, he'll do it all to get a reaction from his mate.

Whenever he sneaks into you, he leans into your nape and gives a gentle kiss. His hands around their hips as he leans in their natural scent. 

C: Cum (Anything to do with cum)

One word: Breeding Kink.

That thought alone turns his calm demeanor into a feral Palulukan.

D: Dirty Secret

Ya, the breeding kink, it's not only a kink.

So'lek imagines himself having a family to raise alongside his mate, telling stories about his clan and their traditions and how mighty his people were before the sky people came.

The war he fights is worth it if it means one day he can bring peace to Pandora and his people, but to raise a family with the love of his life.

E: Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?)

So'lak is an ideal warrior within his clan and is well-known for hunting and fighting.

Many male and female suitors wanted to gain the man's attention.

So'lek was always showered with gifts, food, and fine jewelry from secret admirers.

But other than that, he had no experience in this until his love came to the picture.

F: Favorite Position

Mating Press~

G: Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

Really? This man goofy? Ah!

H: Hair (How well-groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes)

Na'vi are all hairless down there; prove me wrong.

I: Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He holds them close. Wanting to feel their lover's body on his and remember how soft/rough their skin feels.

Loves rubbing their backs as they explore their body.

J: Jack Off

Sometimes, when stressed, he'll jack off in his mauri near the base.

But since he's mated, he no longer doses or needs to.

K: Kink (One or more of their kinks)

We know what kink he has, but what about Y/n?

Oh boy, you can't deny that they have a voice kink for this man.

Every time this fucker would whisper deeply in their ears. Promising sweet thing makes their legs jelly.

"I'll be quick, ma yawntu" and "Just like that, that's it."

Yup, you gone.

L: Location (Favorite places to do they do)

Home is where he's most comfortable, and sometimes in his spare room at the base (thank god that the rooms are soundproof).

M: Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

So'lek may look like a hard man to get a reaction from, but in truth, one thing can make him putty in Y/n's hands.

And that one thing hunting.

As the sun set, So'lek set out to hunt for his evening meal. The forest was quiet except for the occasional rustling of leaves in the wind. Suddenly, a sharp sound broke the silence from the nearby bushes. So'lek's instincts kicked in, and he slowly made his way toward the source of the noise, his senses alert and his body tense. As he approached the bushes, he saw a figure emerging from the shadows, a familiar smile on their face. It was his mate. Before he could question them, they jumped from their spot, running to the side to hide behind a tree, peeking at him with a giggle.

They're teasing him. Immediately, Solak understood what his mate wanted to do, and with a slight grin, he began to join a different hunt. Where his love was the prey.

N: NO (Something they wouldn't do, turn-offs)

Abosutluy no mating if someone is near.

He gets to look at their body, no one else!

O: Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Ah, you kidding, right?

Y/n is 100% a...bottom.

.....sorry, but you can't lie to yourself, even if not lieing here.

P: Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual?)

When normally mating it is slow, however, he someone wanted to say, I don't know, roleplay on being pray~

Oh boy, Y/n won't be walking for a while.

Q: Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

On some days, he would do them, but he doesn't really want to since he loves taking his time with his mate.

R: Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He doesn't take any risks; he doesn't want either of them to be caught in such a vulnerable position.

S: Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

This man has the stamina of a Nantang; he can go until the sun goes down, and he'll keep going!

T: Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Nope

U: Unfair (How much they like to tease)

So'lek takes the opportunity to use his voice, knowing his mate loves it.

Whenever their mate is busy with something, he sneaks up behind them, places his hands on their hips, and begins to growl deeply. He smirked as he saw their neck turning red.

V: Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Let's just say the others, Human and Na'vi, can never unhear what they hear if they come close to So'lek's mauri.

W: Wild Card

Listing, the muscle on this man can make anyone in some way, not gonna lie!

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

 He has a standard sex drive when it comes to his urges. He has control of how he handles them and how he deals with them.

Z: ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Before they sleep, he ensures that both he and Y/n are comfortable and even visits the bath pounds to get clean.

[wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt]

The number of people that completely villianize female characters is just another example of fandoms infantilizing male main characters. I understand protecting your favourites, but when you get to the point that you genuinely think they've never done anything wrong, you've put blinders on. It's almost always done towards female characters that the fandom feels have wronged male characters specifically. I get making jokes like, "Oh actually, my fav has never done anything wrong ever." I do it too. It can be funny. Nobody is saying you have to like a female character or you're a misogynist, but there is just such a clear, obvious pattern happening, and I don't think people even realize it. Male main characters will make the most toxic, horrible, stupid decisions, and the fandom with worship them, but the second a female character does something even remotely questionable, everybody goes off. It doesn't matter how kind or likable the woman is, the minute she does something the fandom sees as a slight against the male main character, she is shunned or ridiculed. I understand defending your favourite character because you love them, I really do, but the level that people infantilize them is just wild. A female character will have a perfectly understandable reaction to something the male main character did, and the fandom will still turn it around on her by saying things like, "Well he didn't know any better." Or, "Well, he was sad." Alright? Most humans, when they are hurt, do not turn around and kiss that person and coddle them. Getting upset, while it may not be the ideal reaction, is the most realistic one. And it's always grown ass men people are saying didn't know better than to do something obviously destructive. So they don't know better, and that's okay, but the female character struggles, and that's not? Obviously, I'm just talking about fiction, and doing this doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't mean you hate women. But it's just a clear pattern of misogyny in media that I think is important to recognize

[astraltrickster]

Maybe it's just everything around me being so deadly serious in a way I don't have the energy to get into nor the power to do anything about online but I feel like swinging a bat at a more local and immediately actionable hornet's nest so here we go-

There are two things in leftist/feminist media critique we NEED to get better about tackling without letting it take us in horrible counterproductive directions.

One: The way breast size is used as visual shorthand for maturity/attitude/sexual openness, and how that plays into the male gaze (which - 101 level reminder to reject what radfems have told you, this is a film critique term that has to do primarily with framing conventions, NOT some kind of mystical Objectification Beam that emanates from men's eyes, okay? okay). Namely, we need to learn to acknowledge that this visual shorthand is a thing and criticize it WITHOUT implying that it's fair or based in reality.

What do I mean by "implying that it's fair or based in reality?" I mean the way that the first thing many people do to humanize a canonically badly objectified female character is not to change up the art style to give her room for her organs, not to put her in a more natural pose in a less idealized setting, not even to frame her in a way that's more inclined to draw the eye to her face rather than her breasts, but to reduce her bust size. To call large breasts "unrealistic". As someone who had...multiple friends who were pretty well-endowed by middle school, I need to tell you - this attitude did NOT help them, it just got them called sluts and "distractions".

We need to be able to criticize it when male characters are allowed to have multiple body types (however idealized they still may be), but women's bodies are only differentiated by bust size, and yes, that IS treated as shorthand for something. We need to be able to discuss how large breasts have long been visual shorthand for maturity and sexuality, and small breasts have long been visual shorthand for innocence. We...may need to tell some character designers, especially non-tit-having ones, that no, breast growth is not inherently linked to sexual activity, nor fertility, nor is it something that just goes on forever like noses and ears. We may even, yes, want to vary up the bust sizes on some existing characters in fanart to ask people to question the way it's treated. We DEFINITELY need to bring back Free The Nipple. But we can't STOP at shrinking characters' breasts and calling it "less objectified", and we also very much cannot, as I've seen asked for, replace that with making the characters fatter and more muscular to be "more proportional" to say the same - again, please consider what you're implying to real human women with the body types you're calling "objectified" or "not objectified". When you stop there, you're telling the large-breasted woman that she IS just a sexual object. You're telling the fat girl that she CAN'T be a sexual being. You're telling the small-chested woman that she's too much of a baby for anyone to ACTUALLY be attracted to her. That's not what we need to be doing with these critiques! That's the opposite of what we need to be doing with these critiques!

Speaking of "telling the small-chested woman she's too much of a baby for anyone to ACTUALLY be attracted to", that brings me to point two: we need to figure out how to talk about how young aggressive sexual objectification starts WITHOUT implying or getting sucked into some Pizzagate-tier bullshit about the media managing to "normalize pedophilia", like - that's some gateway blood libel shit right there. "Everyone knows that molesting kids is bad and evil, but there's a secret shadowy group of people who not only do it systematically, ritualistically, lurking around every corner, looking to snatch your kids up for their wicked deeds, and they've so infected the media that they're going to manage to convince you that the horrible abuses they want to enact on YOUR poor innocent children are normal, they're so influential that even just LOOKING at their propaganda can turn a well-meaning person into a monster" - I'm not sorry, if your media critique can be paraphrased to that, you're going down a DANGEROUS path and need to go back to square one, especially if you're already starting to get suspicious of certain last names in western media, or aiming it first and foremost at a foreign culture (looking at you, anime critics).

The problem is the stereotype of men as ruthless sex-seekers and women as prizes. The problem is the idea that youth is about training for those roles. The biggest problem is the idea that women are no longer dateable once they hit 26 or so - they should either be married by then and dedicate their lives to being good wives and mothers, or simply disappear from public life as laughable failures, because ultimately that's what women are for in society.

The idea that your only years of value, especially if you're a woman, are from 18-25 is definitely some chud shit, but it's NOT pedophilia, because...get this: 20-somethings aren't children.

This standard is pervasive. It's everywhere. And because it's treated as such a default, such a constant, such a universal truth, it starts young - look how many book bans are targeting anything that DARES to state or even imply there are other options. We need to criticize that! We need to criticize how much gender standards end up having overly sexual implications even when applied to kids! We need to have serious discussions of how to disentangle the decades of social coding that make it hard to really tell who we need to be criticizing when it comes to things such as, say, prematurely "sexualized" clothing for little girls - i.e., that we have to pause and ask "...but wait, is it really that sexualized, or is it just feminine?"

We need to also have discussions of how this and the Leonardo Dicaprio standard intersect with fatphobia - i.e., is that animated girl "minor-coded", or is she just in the age range that Leo would date and super skinny because even breasts would make her look ~faaaat ewwwww~?

And we need, BADLY, to stop getting distracted from that conversation and letting it drag us to some really ugly and dangerous places instead.