#you want to focus on work but then work means you gotta worry about relationships now

[naturally-dazed]

where's the erase bpd from brain button i need it

[actual-changeling]

Welcome back to Alex's unhinged meta corner, and today I have something surprisingly not kiss-related—though it is still about the final fifteen because hey, gotta keep the brand image.

I read this post by @goodoldfashionednightingale and began typing a small response. Then I made the mistake of drinking half a litre of coffee on an empty stomach right after taking my adhd meds and my brain began vibrating at the speed of light.

But oh, have I discovered parallels. This, my friends, is about the nightingale, where it comes from, what it means, and what the fuck happened in part 3 of 1941.

Ready? Let's go.

Now, as OP said in her post, s1e3 is important. In the script book, Neil himself says that these flashbacks are where the producers would tell him to cut scenes to save money. They suggested every single one—except for the one he ended up taking out, which was the bookshop opening scene set in 1800. The others are building blocks, you need them to see how their relationship progressed and what kind of important milestones they had.

(side note: author is very miffed that english does not have a separate subjunctive form like german which makes quoting lines way more confusing than it has to be)

The one I want to mention is neither 1941 nor 1967. No, what I want to talk about is 1601. This might be about to get a bit rambly but I will do my best to keep it tidy.

The focus of that flashback is on the Arrangement, yes, but it gives us a lot more information than that.

they both see Shakespeare's plays regularly, maybe even meet in the crowd

Crowley prefers the comedies

Aziraphale does not seem to have a preference, he enjoys the tragedies and presumably the comedies too

there is an oyster woman selling food -> reference to their meeting in Rome when Aziraphale tempted him to try some oysters

Aziraphale reflexively denies their relationship

Crowley might say he is not worried but circles Aziraphale the entire time, keeping watch

they both ask favours of each other and both agree to do them

What stands out to me in relation to what I am about to expand on is the line that Crowley delivers after Aziraphale's little 'buck up'—which Crowley finds adorable btw but that's a post for another time.

"Age does not wither nor custom stale his infinite variety."

Why would he say that? What exactly is prompting this? WHY say that specific line?

At first I thought it might be to tempt Shakespeare because he does commit art theft by just copying that line down, BUT I think there is more to that. So much more, in fact. I am wiggling now because I am very excited about this and my adhd meds are kicking in anyway.

First things first: the line itself.

It appears in Shakespeare's play Antony and Cleopatra, a romantic tragedy, which was first performed in 1607 aka six years after this meeting. Enobarbus is talking about Cleopatra and describing why Antony won't leave her. Her.

Ccrowley uses his—again, who is he even talking about? Hamlet? Shakespeare? Random poetic quote?

No, I think this line is about Aziraphale and it's a code. Right after, the next line from Aziraphale is "What do you want?", meaning that this is their code phrase for 'I have a favour to ask of you'.

Age does not wither nor custom stale his infinite variety

Age will not affect his appearance nor will he ever become boring to Antony. Crowley, who later chooses the name Anthony for himself, tells Aziraphale, an immortal, that he will never age and that he will never grow bored of him.

It's flattery, pure and simple, and it's code at the same time. This establishes the important fact that they might use more of Shakespeare's work as code/already have a system in place (even though he steals Crowley's line for later).

They play their little morality game of back and forth, Aziraphale agrees, Crowley probably manipulates the coin toss, and THEN we find out that the oyster woman is called Juliet.

Why? What is the meaning of that? Why give her a name and that name in particular? Why bring the sexy oysters back into it?

Romeo and Juliet premiered in 1597, so it is safe to assume they have both seen it by 1601, but this is mostly for the audience, not for us-or is it?

Aziraphale gives Crowley puppy eyes until he agrees to make Hamlet popular, and while I don't think Juliet itself is a code word, although it's very interesting that the OYSTER woman is the one with that name (especially adding what we now know about Job), Romeo and Juliet might be.

Yes, the Nightingale song came out in 1940 but the bird has been around for much, much longer, and, as many probably know by now, also shows up in Romeo and Juliet.

This is where I am starting to vibrate at the speed of light because listen to me. Listen.

Crowley is Juliet. Anthony J. Crowley. Antony Juliet Crowley.

(side note: I'm not saying that Crowley chose it based on that—though I am not not saying that—but that it is a clue for us at the audience.)

Why do I think that? In the play, Romeo spends the night with Juliet and then goes to leave as the night begins to end. Juliet tries to stop him and tells him that the birds they are hearing aren't larks, which sing at dawn, but nightingales, which sing at night.

Who is the one always pushing for more? Crowley. He is the one trying to convince Aziraphale it's safe, they're safe to spend time together.

Romeo disagrees with Juliet and says 'I must be gone and live, or stay and die'.

Leave and stay alive, or stay and hell/heaven will punish us. It gets even better though.

We all know how Romeo and Juliet ends: Romeo thinks Juliet is dead, kills himself, Juliet finds him and then kills herself too.

Hey, do you know how Antony and Cleopatra ends?

Antony thinks Cleopatra is dead, kills himself and dies in her arms, then Cleopatra also kills herself—by snake poison; Romeo also died by poison.

The parallels are THERE. They are jumping down our throats! Two tragedies, two sides, several familiar names and phrases, same fear, same ending.

I think by now you can guess how this ties back to 1941.

We do not see how that night ends, but we know it ends. One of them wants to stretch it out, maybe even quotes Romeo and Juliet because look at the setting!

Candlelight, wonderful night they spend together, the threat of Crowley's early demise, and, to quote the play once more, this time Romeo: I have more care to stay than will to go.

Crowley thought it was his last night on earth and went with Aziraphale to his bookshop, to be with him, because he cares more about that than the fact that he will be dragged to hell come morning. Do you remember?

"Expect a legion to come for you first thing tomorrow" THAT is the threat. They have until dawn, just like Romeo and Juliet, which is why she is so desperate for the birds to be nightingales. Fortunately for them, Aziraphale saves the day, BUT there is NO SECURITY. They do not KNOW if a legion will still show up or not. If dawn is a deadline and they will need to fight.

Sure, they improved their chances, but who knows? Maybe they will come for him anyway, it's not like hell is all fair and square.

The best part: it gets even better.

Juliet eventually panics and tells him to go, and Romeo drops a line that huh, sounds oddly familiar, doesn't it?

'More light and light, more dark and dark our woes!'

Remind me, what does Aziraphale say again? Ah, yes. Perhaps there is something to be said for shades of grey.

There is more. Yes, even more. We know the whole rescue relies on a magic trick, a switch. Guess what Juliet yearns for while telling Romeo to go save himself?

Oh, now I would they had changed voices too. While they did not for Romeo and Juliet—they kiss and part—they did for our two. One fabulous switch and we're good.

(side note: Toads? Associated with hell. Larks? Associated with the dawn, yes, but also heaven since Romeo says 'Nor that is not the lark, whose notes do beat the vaulty heaven so high above our heads.')

So, this was a whole lot of information, let's see if I can summarize my thoughts.

I believe the nightingale is a code word that has existed even before 1941 and gained a lot of importance over the years. In 1941, the song is added to the meaning and whatever happened between the two that we have not seen yet, it fundamentally changed their relationship. Maybe they kissed, maybe one of them tried to convince the other to prolong the night but they parted on not-great terms.

The nightingale and the song become a symbol of hope, a goal to achieve, another uninterrupted night, maybe, or an uninterrupted life.

When they part in the final fifteen, it's morning. Crowley points at the sky and says "no nightingales", which at that point has several different layers to it.

No nightingales because their night is over, just like with Romeo and Juliet, and please, please allow me to add another detail, because I am frothing at the mouth over this. The scene I quoted, known as balcony scene, do you know what it is preceded by?

A ball.

Star-crossed lovers defying their sides, falling in love at a ball, getting a hurried, wonderful night together but torn apart by danger of punishment, the nightingale as a dream, as a wish for unhurried time together. Family rejection, torn apart by parents, willing to die for each other so they can reunite in death.

No nightingales. The ball, the romance, is over, their dancing is over, heaven is tearing them apart, and Aziraphale returns to heaven while they are both stuck in a pit of misunderstanding and miscommunication, all bound together by fear for each other.

The thing is, Crowley hates tragedies, he never liked the "gloomy ones", and he does not want them to end in one—luckily, this isn't the end. Yes, they kiss and part, but the play keeps going. We have an entire act 3 to fix what Romeo and Juliet couldn't, to ensure that this is a COMEDY, not a tragedy.

Both Antony & Cleopatra and Romeo & Juliet died out of fear, hurried into making bad decisions because they knew what would happen if their sides were to catch up with them.

Crowley and Aziraphale can reunite heaven and hell with love, not death. This is THEIR story and they are writing the ending. No more day and night, no more deadlines, no more hiding and sneaking about, no more fear of larks and sunshine.

Good Omens will end the way it began: In a garden with two no-longer-star-crossed lovers embracing the song of a lark as well as that of the nightingale.

I hope this made sense to everyone who was no present while my mind started to vibrate itself into a puddle because the thing is I can see Neil doing all of this completely on purpose.

Thoughts? Questions? Additions? Come and join me in my insanity and until next time I have a mental breakdown over this show (probably in like two hours).

[wingedhallows]

misunderstandings ; remus lupin

pairing: remus lupin x reader | 1k words plot: misunderstandings are best undone ontop of the astronomy tower at night with a cigarette in hand. authors note: i promised you this work last weekend but something came up and i couldn't post but here I am, hope you enjoy :)

navigation

“How am I supposed to focus?” You whispered, mouth in a scowl. His hand was in yours, his eyes focused on the workbook in front of him. The sun lit the yard in warm light, you loved spring at Hogwarts. His thumb stroked your skin, his mouth in a small smile.

“Figure it out, love.” You couldn’t focus on the words in front of you, the letters swimming together in an effort to keep your cool. Your hand seemed to burn, was it desire? Desire for something you couldn’t have.

You knew that Remus wasn’t someone for relationships, he had told you himself.

He had made it awfully clear.

Though the common room was packed, loud music, alcohol in your system, you had heard his words loud and clear. 

“I don’t do relationships, Y/N. I’m not the one for you.”

You couldn’t get over how breathtakingly beautiful he was. His hair was unstyled and seemed to stick out in different directions. The scars which decorated his face was faint, but prominent for you. You knew what he was, you had seen it.

In third year you had caught his friends and him sneaking out, demanding for them to take you with them.

Remus wasn’t fast enough to get away, almost ripped your throat out that night. It still weighed on him, everytime he looked at you.

This secret of his felt like a connection, a connection which wasn’t all that deep, you figured.

The fact that what he did to you, how kind and affectionate he was, was hard. It was hard to not see him in the way you saw him now, to not desire his love and care. It was unfair and frankly, cruel.

“I gotta go.” You managed, your things already packed and you face in a cold mask, desperate to conceal the pain.

“Oh, alright.” He spoke before he pushed his hand in his lap, face in a kind smile.

The astronomy tower was quiet, pieceful. The moon was up, the air cold. The cigarette in your hand felt like it lifted some weight off your shoulders, like it brought you some piece of mind. A tear left your eyes, heart heavy.

You had avoided Remus and his friends for the rest of day, excusing yourself when you caught sight of his brown hair.

You wanted to get away, to not think about the gryffindor any longer, you wished for the man to leave you alone, to not hog your mind for every minute you were awake. You blew some smoke into the night sky as a voice spoke.

“Here you are, I looked everywhere for you.” His face was adorned with a smile as he walked up to you, his hands pushing a cigarette between his lips and lighting it. You brushed the tears away, your gaze anywhere but him.

“You missed some real fun in-Are you crying?” You shook your head, taking another drag from your cigarette.

“No, but you are.” He stated, walking in front of you. He bent down and put a finger under your chin, lifting your head.

“Who hurt you?” He asked, brows furrowed.

How dare he ask who had hurt you?

How dare he be up here when all you wanted to be away from him, to forget the pain he put you through. How dare he.

“Stop doing that.” You said, as you got up, swatting his hand away. He huffed a chuckle, pausing to take a drag.

“What do you mean? Worrying about you?” You turned around, throwing the done cigarette at his feet.

“Stop doing this.” You spoke louder. 

He leant against the railing, eyebrows still furrowed. “I don’t know what you mean, love.” You had to laugh, rolling your eyes as you stared him down.

“Don’t call me love, don’t be kind to me, stop holding my hand all the time, stop giving me love eyes, stop being like this when we both know that it never will be more.”

He took another drag as he pushed himself off the railing, eyes focused on you.

“Who said that?” You stared at him, face angry.

“You! You did, third year.” He let his head fall back, heaving a sigh. “What?” You scowled at him.

“Third year, house party, does that ring a bell?”

“I was drunk.” You shook your head, arms crossed.

“You were sober enough.” He took a step towards you, cigarette long forgotten on the ground. 

“So that’s why you gave me the cold shoulder all those years?” You didn’t answer as his hands found your elbows.

“Because I was thirteen, drunk and not in my right mind?” You shook your head as you looked at him.

“Your words were bright and clear.” His lips twisted into a small smile.

“I was drunk.” You huffed again, looking over his shoulder, to avoid his eyes. “As you said before.”

His hands found the side of your face, his lips still in this stupid beautiful smile.

“If I had known that what stood between us was a stupid drunk mistake I made when we were thirteen, I would’ve taken back every single word, love.” Your eyes found him, your lip caught between your lips.

“I’m sorry.” He said before his lips connected with yours. Your arms found his as he brushed your cheek.

“We should’ve spoken sooner.” You said, your hand still on his arm. He laughed as he caressed your arm.

“Not that you would’ve let me speak a word.”

[mazeinthemiroh]

hey!! idk if you’ve already done this but could u do something like skz as ex’s? cause i think chan would be the type of ex to be friends after the break up (unless you’ve done something really bad) and i’d like to know how you think the other members would be

- 🦭

stray kids as ex boyfriends

genre: headcanon; hurt, angst

word count: 1.3k

warnings: cursing, jeongin's hurt the most (gotta warn yall <///3 )

thank you for requesting! please like and reblog if you enjoy <3

bangchan

the friendly one

this is purely depending on circumstance because if you hurt him or any of his members in any way he's literally cutting you off and out of his life

but that is if the situation is severe

most of the time he likes ending on good, mutual terms if possible. he knows things aren't going to be completely the same or aren't going to be particularly smooth but he's willing to work past that

especially if you have been a good friend before dating each other

so he will make an effort to talk to you at social events if you're in the same friendship group. just a casual catch-up to see how you are doing

it might be hard seeing you without being able to be the same touchy, loving way he's used to. he feels he has to hold himself back quite a lot

i can see him being hurt if you have moved on and are in another relationship and he isn't

minho

the messy one

feelings are... complicated

and minho is too

he's a very intricately formed human being, filled with unpredictabilities and chaos, good and bad.

minho as an ex can be messy. you'll see him sometimes during social gatherings; he will avoid you most of the time, but occasionally interact with you as if you're his best friend

he'll be sarcastic and make snide remarks with that shit-eating grin on his face

sometimes he'll lure you back into his life, his heart

other times he wants to forget he's even known you

you guys are on and off and on again. the wannabe ross and rachel, if you will

but all of the craziness boils down to the fact that he misses you, more than he expected

and the only way to fill the hole in his heart that you left him is by chasing what you had together

changbin

the self-improvement one

changbin tries to move on as quickly as possible

he thinks it's healthier that way: no point in dwelling in the past when he knew he wasn't going to turn back to you

he needed to put the past behind him and focus on himself

which means a lot more working out, more than he had ever done before

eating healthier, going out more and with different people, making sure he had enough rest

his friends were worried, at first, that he would over-do it, perhaps burning himself out in order to deflect the feelings of loss you left him

but he's never felt better as he looks ahead rather than dwelling on what once was

still, there are moments, perhaps when he is alone, where he catches himself missing you. your laugh, your smile, your body to hold at night. yeah, he missed that a lot...

hyunjin

the one who's still in love

it would be hard for hyunjin to move on

whether you hurt him, or he hurt you, or you both end on good circumstances, he's not ready to leave you

life without you? well, up until now he hasn't even begun to imagine life without you. and why should he? he thought you'd be together forever

so now he's devastated, trying to forget you when really you never left his mind

oh and he'd write poetry about. lots and lots of poems about the heartbreak and the longing and everything in between. he's a wistful guy, and it's a way of coping with the loss of you

but it's not very... 'coping' of him. coping would require him slowly but surely moving on

but he doesn't do that

no. instead, he holds on to the memory of you and what could've been.

jisung

the one who keeps coming back

he knows he shouldn't, but he can't help it

oh he tries, but soon he finds himself staring at your number on his phone screen, tempted to drop you a text or even, at times, call you

it's weird. he thought he'd be fine after the breakup. he thought he would be able to have his moment to grieve and then move on

but if that was the case... why was he still thinking about you?

that's a question that tortured his mind to no end because he had absolutely no answer for it

he couldn't like deeper inside himself to realise he still, ultimately, has feelings for you

and so he always ends up coming back into your life, usually by accident

he calls it manifesting but is it really manifesting if its at the worst moments?

like when he bumped into at the supermarket, running on 0 hrs of sleep with eye bags bigger than his eyes. yeah, that wasn't a good day

but any chance he runs into you, there is a flicker of hope you could end up back together with him. so he will take all the chances life throws at him

felix

the sensitive one

similar to hyunjin only, perhaps, less severe

he cries over you often

and everything seems to remind him of you

sometimes he is okay. sometimes he is really okay. perhaps too okay. the members would look at him in surprise as he woke up one day, bubbly as ever. it's as if he hasn't been crying the whole week at all. nope. he's a new man now. and when he looks in the mirror, he gives himself a smile and a nod. "today is a new day and i'm happy."

and then a small thing will set him off all over again

perhaps he will find one of your hoodies that you lent him one night when he was cold. and he kept it because it smelt like you

but now, seeing this makes all his newfound positivity dissolve instantly. soon, he was grabbing the material of your hoodie and stuffing his face into it, sobbing his heart out

seungmin

the nonchalant one

he's the definition of unbothered

of course, it hurt at first to have to leave you, but it will all depend on the circumstances of the breakup

if you guys left each other on bad terms, he'd be a lot more bitter about it. he will most likely ignore you and make every attempt not to run into you because he just doesn't need that in his life

but if you guys are on good terms he is more likely to get over it quicker. that way, he isn't dwelling on the bad feelings and being wrapped up in his own negativity

rather, he has left that all behind and tried to be productive, focusing on himself

that way, if he happens to run into you again, he would probably feel indifferent

there is a sparkle of feeling that he misses. the feeling of familiarity that only you bring

but he hopes that most of his feelings are long gone noe

jeongin

the one that wants to forget

perhaps you were his first love

perhaps he thought that you'd end up together, forever

and ever

and ever.

perhaps he was a bit naive when it came to his approach to his relationship with you. he knew he shouldn't be thinking in such a rose-coloured, idealistic romantic way. he didn't think he'd feel like that at all. but you made his life infinitely better

and now you're gone. how is he supposed to cope?

he just wants to forget everything. forget his life with you. because if you weren't in his life anymore, what was the point?

its painful to reminisce so he makes a conscious effort not to dwell on the past

because once he does, he loses himself. the tears start to brim and flow down his cheek

if he didn't remember such happier times, it wouldn't be this hard

skz taglist: @hearts4sungie, @seokshineswiftie, @alyszaen, @jtrstp, @a-wandering-stay, @hyungenie5

[itsohh]

Popstar MK1 Intros

A/N: Now I've finished off Electra Heart heres some intros set after it. This focus's on popstar reader being in costume when they come to fight + them still being in their relationship with Johnny.

Fighters: Johnny Cage, Kenshi Takahashi, Smoke, Liu Kang, Shang Tsung

Warnings: None

Intros Part 1 Electra Heart

Johnny: Oh ho-ho-ho gotta say babe that is a great look on you. I always said that the big screen never captured how truly hot I am but I think it also applies to you.

You: Eyes up here Johnathan. I'm not a doll for you to gawk at.

Johnny: Oh fuck that's hot.

-

Johnny: After this can I eat-

You: Not another word.

-

Johnny: Ooo you're so dominant in character, should wear that to bed. I might even leave a little bit on you at the end of the night.

You: Hmp.

-

You: Wait-wait-wait. Ah fuck lemme take these heel's off I can't keep fighting in costume. This was made to sing in no fight.

Johnny: Hey, hey if your feet are hurting go for it. There's no rush, I can wait. Last thing I want is you hurting.

-

Johnny: Have you written any songs about me perhaps?

You: Oh this is kind of embarrassing, but try an album.

-

Kenshi: Flashy.

You: And impractical.

-

Kenshi: When I see you like this it really makes me realize how much you and Johnny are a match made in heaven.

You: Kenshi you're literally blind.

Kenshi: I think any blind man can see how bright the sequins are on that dress.

-

Kenshi: Why the name Nightingale?

You: It's a long story.

-

Kenshi: You always say your stage self is a character you play but I've yet to hear any difference.

You: That's ‘cause that shits embarrassing off stage. I can get away with Johnny because… I mean look at him.

-

Kenshi: Johnny said you wrote an album about him. He hasn't shut up about it.

You: Yeah might have dropped the ball confessing that one.

-

Smoke: Woah I can't believe your- woah.

You: I'm surprised you're familiar with my work actually.

Smoke: Of course, it's a bit of a guilty pleasure but I loved your second album.

-

You: You know if you're ever free your welcome to tag along to one of my concerts and hit up backstage or front row whatever you prefer.

Smoke: Really?

You: Anytime! I always let my friends hang out.

-

Smoke: Your outfit is more stunning in person than I could have possibly imagined.

You: Yeah but the glitter gets everywhere.

-

Smoke: I remember your fourth album got scrapped, how come?

You: My fucking manager rejected it. Too off brand.

-

Smoke: Johnny's always talking about bad managers, have you tried talking to him about your situation.

You: ...I haven't. My manager isn't terrible but maybe I should.

-

You: The timeline you come from, was I like this?

Liu Kang: Admittedly I didn't know you very well.

-

You: Were we not friends in your timeline? Is that why titan me didn't answer your summon?

Liu Kang: You died man years prior, you were forced to come back only to see Johnny mourning his second wife.

-

You: So me and Johnny have always been together?

Liu Kang: That I don't know.

You: Am I destined to die again? So that Johnny can remarry?

Liu Kang: That is not what I have planned for you.

-

Liu Kang: In my timeline you were always in costume. You fought dressed like this all the time.

You: Fuck that. I can barely get through one fight in these shoes.

-

You: Why change up my destiny? Why not make Johnny happy with his second wife?

Liu Kang: I didn't decide on who you should love. I might have put you in the right place at the right time but that was all you.

-

Shang Tsung: Well well, this is certainly a change.

You: Don't worry, you're still the king of costumes you fucking snake.

Shang Tsung: You wound me dear.

-

Shang Tsung: It's a shame you chose to work with these imbeciles-

You: Don't even bother trying to manipulate me. I've been in Hollywood long enough.

-

You: At least I'll look good, at least I'll look good-

Shang Tsung: What are you mumbling? Don't be afraid to speak up. I don't bite- hard.

You: THESE HEELS MIGHT HURT BUT AT LEAST ILL LOOK GOOD BEATING YOUR ASS

-

Shang Tsung: It's curious the way your people worship you, for music alone…

You: You could always give it up and come a musician instead of the whole ‘murdering everyone with souls’ thing you do.

Shang Tsung: Hahaha, you truly are an entertainer aren't you?

-

You: Let's get this over and done with.

Shang Tsung: So eager to meet your demise?

You: Had a long concert today- kinda wanna go nap.

[bts-0t-7]

Not-A-Goodbye | KSJ

Pair: Seokjin x idol!reader

Summary: You knew this day would come but you were just hoping that you wouldn’t have to face it. You thought that you were ready. But as you stood at the military base, saying your goodbyes to your beloved, you didn’t want to let him go. 

Genre: Fluff, established relationship au

A/N: I am sorry for the sad chapter. I am so sorry 😭 I was bawling myself -

WC: 928

You knew time was not on your side. Time was never on either of your side. 

But you never thought that it would come so fast. 

The sun hung low on the horizon as the both of you got into the sleek back car. The morning sun cast a warm, golden glow over the scene at the military base. As you stood in the midst of a crowd that was all there to bid farewell to each of their beloved - whether it is family, friends, or boyfriends. You were standing there with the six of the other boys, all there to send your beloved who was about to begin his mandatory military service. 

All the boys were bidding Seokjin goodbye, teasing him by constantly rubbing his now shaved head - god, just the thought of it makes you feel a fresh wave of tears. But you couldn’t move. You stood still, heart heavy with a complex mix of emotions. Your beloved was standing no more than ten footsteps away from you, dressed in his military uniform as he stood tall and proud. 

But you knew him better. 

As his eyes caught the attention of yours, you saw the emotions that he was trying to conceal. Your throat tightened as more tears threatened to spill from your eyes. You were so worked up on denying the fact that he was leaving but now looking at him, the reality of his absence was starting to sink in, and it was absolutely overwhelming. 

Seokjin turned to you, gaze locking onto yours and instantly wrapped you in his strong arms. Despite the brave face he put on, his eyes clearly mirrored the pain and sadness you felt. Swinging your arms around his waist, you embraced him tightly, voice shaking as you whispered, “I’m going to miss you so much, Seokjin.”

He held you close, arms a cave of warmth and comfort. “Hey now…” You left tear stains on his shirt as you tried to control yourself. “I’m going to miss you too but remember what we talked about last night? You’ve gotta take care of yourself when I’m not around, okay?” You shook your head, messing with your hair as you squeezed him tighter as if if you did, he wouldn’t leave. “Don’t worry too much, okay? I’ll be alright in there.”

Worry. It was an indescribable feeling - one that constantly plagues minds and bodies; one that is a type of uncurable illness. It was a constant companion, always gnawing at your heart ever since he received his draft notice. That night, you spent it crying in his arms, begging him to stay. You knew that nothing you did would ever change as the military was part of his duty as a citizen but it was difficult. Difficulty to not worry about the dangers that he might face and the time you spent apart. 

Worried about him being out in the cold, having heat flashes, his allergies, and so much more. The list was non-exhaustive. And it wasn’t that you didn’t trust him. On the contrary, you trusted him too much. You knew that he wouldn’t look at others but you were worried - worried and jealous that they get to see your boyfriend doing push-ups, pull-ups, and runs. 

“But I can’t help but be worried.” You admitted, voice quivering. “You mean the world to me, Jin. What if you get hurt? Like you sprain your ankle? Or maybe you dislocated your shoulder? Or what if you get too cold during the winter or faint from the heat during the summer? Or what if -”

Seokjin gently brushed a tear away from your cheek and softly kissed your lips. “Shh… I understand your concern, but worrying is not going to change anything. Plus, if I ever get too cold, I can just slap heat patches like I always do.” Seokjin turned his nose upwards, laughing. “While I’m not around, you should focus on yourself. Grow yourself so that when I come home, you can be strong enough to take anything I give you.” Seokjin gently lifted a finger to caress your cheek. “I know you’ve been putting off so many things on my behalf. Now is the time to pursue your dreams, spend time with your friends, and do whatever you want to do.” Suddenly squishing your face in his big hands, you let out a surprised squeak. “Take care of yourself. I’ll be fine and come back as soon as I can.”

It hurts to know that his words bring to you a mixture of comfort and sadness. You knew he was right but the thought of him not being by your side made it hurt so much more. The extended period made it an even harder fact to accept. Still, you nodded and wiped your tears, hoping that your little smile would be convincing enough. But the little squish that Seokjin did on your cheeks and the quivering smile on his lips gave you enough of an answer. 

“I’ll… I’ll try, Seokjin. Promise to focus on myself.”

With a final, tender kiss, you reluctantly let him go. As you watched him walk away to join his fellow soldiers, you stood there, feeling a void in your heart. As they walked through the gates, you stared at Seokjin’s retreating figure until you couldn’t see him anymore. The moment you felt tears filling your eyes, you immediately turned back to the car as your shoulders shook. You knew that the days to come would be filled with missing him and longing for his presence.

[moralesmilesanhour]

Your post about Miles and autonamy was interesting, so can I blabber a bit too? I get Gwen's situation. But the degree to which Miles' feelings are constantly ignored completely by people pushing whatever Gwen theories and/or arcs they want is crazy. Someone said the worst thing spiderverse films did was mainstream the idea of Miles and Gwen as a couple and I am kinda starting to feel the same unfortunately. The fact is Miles has wayyy better, healthier, cute, fun, connections and potential connections in the comics and the game. Spiderverse Miles went from being extremely popular in his old school to isolating himself likely due to fear, unprocessed trauma, and neglecting his own self care for over a year and he deserves to make new connections with people in his own dimension who value him without worrying about constantly having to prove himself, a watch, glitching or blah blah.

I also don't know how they would have an arc for Miles that starts with him infatuated with Gwen in ATSV, and then ends with him basically infatuated Gwen in BTSV after everything? Where would the growth be for him as the main character exactly? It feels like Gwen is kinda weighing down Miles' development because they've given her outsized focus and now there are people who assume they HAVE to be together romantically regardless of anything, and they gotta spend valuble time in the last spiderverse film about Miles on a Gwen white savior redemption arc.

Forgiveness does not mean a right to the same access as before definitely needs to be a message delivered along with Black people do not have to put up with and constantly forgive white people or have their feelings invalidated and stories undermined because a white person eventually feels badly about whatever screwed up things that white person intentionally or unintentionally did or participated in and finally expresses or feels a bit of guilt for it. Miles does not need Gwen in order to be free and happy. He does not owe Gwen the same level of access. Gwen is not the only one who gets to determine how their relationship develops. Miles would still be a kind, capable, decent, amazing character and a hero even if he no longer feels the same about Gwen and determines they ain't gonna work for whatever reason.

Ouu that last part ate. I trust that the writers will allow Miles to decide how to navigate his relationship with Gwen going forward, because if they just decide to have him forgive her because "Well they're just meant to be together!" it'd really undermine his character's agency like you said.

I don't have much else to add tbh 😭 I basically agree

[chaifootsteps]

One thing about Hazbin that makes me sad is that I was so inspired and kind of obsessed with it over covid. I really thought it was going to be the next big thing and had the potential (note: potential) to be an insightful story about redemption and what it means to be "good person." I really was hoping it would do into ideologies and how good is subjective and can be variable, but that doesn't diminish the importance of trying to be the best you can to the world and those around you. I always liked how Charlie's song in the pilot seemed to focus on the plethora of "not to do's" and how being positive will get you into Heaven, which is superfical, but I was so excited to see her grow and understand what it means for someone to be worth redemption and even if they are, would the powers at be allow them into heaven.

Then Helluva Boss happened. And I am actually glad it did, since it really let me check my Hazbin expectation. I genuinly think season 1 had problems, but overall a genuinly okay season. I would have made some/quite a few changes, but it works. Season 2 feels so aimless and no overarching story. Season 1 can semi get away with that because it is the start so things are getting started, but it also had some themes of Moxxie's and Blitz's sense of self and the relationship with Stolas. I really didn't ship Stolitz, since they are not my cup of tea (I find little too creepy sometimes), but I was curious where things were going to go.

I think Hazbin genuinly has Helluva as a blessing and a curse. Hazbin had cracks but overall the pilot is more enjoyable than Helluva in my opinion. There are things I don't like, but I had some hope things would get ironed out for a grand show. Helluva really had me tamper my expectations for what I will see in Hazbin, but it also killed my intrest and excitement. If this is Vivzie at her best, then what is Hazbin. Did rhey have a writers room to critique the story or are we going with Viv's vision. I will say the quality of the show completly depends on how much of a writers room workshopped her ideas. I think she has fantastic ideas and concepts but is poor on the followthrough. It could still have a chance if theg brought writers in to help her.

I also worry that with the amount of time between the pilot and the release Hazbin fans have had more time to read and develope more insightful character and if Helluva is any example, then I worry that we shouldn't expect much from Hazbin.

I also don't think Vivzie has done much late 19th and 20th century history reading, since most of her characters were born, lived, and died then, but it only takes 10 minutes of googling and just wiki (a sourse viv has access to) to see how little research and sense went into some character backstories. You gotta at least know some broad stroked of when there were born, what they were around for at what ages and when they died. Strangly I think Husk is biggest offender, but I bet Alastor the more the show goes on will take the cake. If Mimzie shows up, I bet she's also barely researched since her asthetic and death date don't line up if you want her to be like that when she died. I have been reading for unrelated reasons books of early 20th century history of the US and around the world. I could write paragraphs on the issues of Husk historically and how we barely makes sense or doesn't. I know it's a fictional work, but some of these are bad, and it makes Viv look ignorant. You don't need things to be perfect for your show, and I would implore people to take some creative liberties, since the past is super complicated. However, I shouldn't be able to google questions and read wiki for 10 minutes to destroy your character idea completely since the backstory becomes impossible almost instantly. (HUSK)

Now Helluva is doing something and the show I waited years for I feel might be a dud. I can't say it didn't have positive impacts on my life since it made me curious to try new hobbies that reminded me of the characters. It's dorky but I kept my reasonings to myselr and just enjoyed the activity. I now habe nee friends, hobbies, and skills (and no one knows why I did this).

Anon, are you sure you're not me? Because the covid lockdown was exactly what led to me getting into Hazbin, and then attached enough to ignore Vivzie's stacking red flags for a while. It kept me sane during that miserable summer, which just so happened to coincide with some very difficult fandom stuff. It got me through when my grandma died.

Admitting the show wasn't the one we all dreamed of would have been one thing. Discovering what a tremendously awful person Vivzie is, that was a lot harder.

[metalnecklace]

There Was Heaven In Your Eyes

Pairing: Javier Peña x Reader (plus size)

Words: 2606

Warnings: SMUT (finally!), Violence/Gun Violence

Notes: This is a shorter one but we’re finally getting to the good stuff. Also another thank you to everyone who has been reading and leaving feedback!

Masterlist

Chapter 7

He took me to a wonderful restaurant, where the lighting was low and we had a comfortable, intimate table in the corner. We were secluded from everyone else, and the chatter from the other patrons was muted.

We made small talk for a bit while we drank some wine and waited for our food. He told me about how stressful work had been lately but didn’t tell me much about why. I suppose he figured I could just fill in the blanks.

When our food arrived I felt the need to bring up our conversation from the night before.

“I hope you’re not mad at me,” I began, pushing my pasta around my plate, “about last night, I mean.”

“I could never be mad at you.” He said, putting his fork down so he could focus on me. “I’m grateful. Not a lot of people know how to get my head out of my ass.”

I chewed my lip, he took a sip of his drink.

“You are right, though,” he continued. “It was best that we stopped when we did. Best not to do anything we might regret.”

My heart cracked. I nodded and continued to eat.

“You know,” he said, starting up again, “I was engaged before. Before I came here. I, uh, left her at the altar.”

I was shocked to hear this, nearly dropping my fork.

“I felt awful but I felt better than I had when I thought I was getting married. I just wish I didn’t hurt her to figure that out.”

“Thank you for telling me, Javier.” I reached across the table and placed my hand on his.

“So like I said, you’re right. I haven’t had a relationship since then and I’m quite honestly terrified of having another.” He pulled his hand out from under mine and continued to eat.

I nodded my head, pulling my hand back to my side.

He changed topics and made jokes to lighten the mood. I pushed my feelings aside to try and keep things normal, and overall we had a great dinner. It was nice to get out of the apartment, even though it was a bit difficult leaving a safe space.

We drove home in comfortable silence, the radio playing softly between us. We were almost home when Javier suddenly pulled his vehicle onto another road. I glanced over at him to find him eyeing the rearview mirror.

“There’s a car that’s been following us since we left.” I went to turn to look but he put his hand out. “Don’t. We don’t want them to think we’ve noticed.”

He turned a few more times, the car turning right after.

“Fuck,” he hissed under his breath. He pulled his phone out and dialed a number. “Murphy, we’re being tailed.”

My heart was beating in my throat as I listened to him rattle off the names of the street we were driving on.

“Okay, I’ll see yo-“

He was cut off by the sound of gunshots and the back window shattering.

“Fuck!” He growled, and stepped on the gas. “Hang on!”

We tore through the streets while the car chased after us. He maneuvered around a few cars and corners until it looked like we were no longer being chased. He pulled out his phone again and told Steve where he was heading, hoping for backup to meet us there. He hung up and turned to me.

“Are you alright?” Javier glanced between me and the road, his eyes were set but a look of worry flashed in them. “I think we lost them.”

I nodded, trying to keep my breathing steady. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m alright.”

He nodded too. “Good. We’re going to go meet Murphy, he’ll take you home.”

“What about you?” I asked.

He chewed his lip, looking through his mirror. “Someone’s gotta go after them, baby.”

We pulled up to a stop outside of a building I didn’t recognize. Murphy came out with a vest on and two other men behind him. He was about to reach the vehicle when he shouted.

“Get down!”

Javi spun around to face me just as I noticed movement in the parked car beside us. My seat was thrown back and a weight pushed against me, keeping me laying down nearly in the backseat, and bullets littered the air. Javi was laying on top of me, with his face buried in my neck, and I was paralyzed with fear underneath him.

More gunshots sounded and tires squealed before driving off. I could hear Steve shouting directions and more cars tore off in the direction the car went in.

Javi and I breathed together. He raised his head, his nose nearly pressing against mine.

“You okay?” He asked, his breathing still heavy and mixing with mine.

“Yeah. Are you?”

He snorted. “Still worrying about me even after getting shot at.”

“Someone’s gotta.” I smiled through my fear.

Steve opened the door and helped us out. Javi gave him instructions to take me home even though I wasn’t pleased with the idea of either of them still being out there. I got into his car anyway.

Javi came over to the window. “Hey, they got them not far from here, so I won’t be very long, okay?”

I nodded. “Be safe.”

He smiled, but for the second time that night it didn’t quite meet his eyes. “I will.”

Steve drove me home. He was quiet for the first bit but broke the silence by asking how dinner was.

“It was great,” I said, trying to sound enthusiastic but I was too distracted.

“Yeah, I told him he should take you out.” I looked over at Steve who was smiling fondly. “He’s been feeling so bad that you’ve been stuck inside. Hasn’t shut up about it since you moved in.”

So he felt bad about me. Great.

“He was pretty nervous about it at lunch. I had to give him a pep talk.”

This confused me. “Why would he be nervous?”

He looked equally as confused. “Why wouldn’t he be?”

I shrugged.

“Oh,” he said, his eyes going wide. “Oh, you don’t know.”

“Know what?” I asked.

He laughed and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Steve.”

He glanced over at me, still smiling. “It’s not for me to say, and I really shouldn’t, but he’s crazy about you.”

I felt the air get sucked out of my lungs. Javi? Crazy about me?

“But, but,” I stuttered.

“Don’t tell him I told you. Just let him explain. Please?” He turned a corner and our apartments came into view.

We finished the drive in silence, my thoughts were too wrapped up in thinking about Javi. Steve parked in the underground parking and turned off the car.

“He’s gonna be okay, you know.” He turned to me. “We’ve gone through a lot worse.”

“How is that supposed to help me feel better?”

He burst out laughing. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Come on, let’s get you inside.”

He told me he’d be upstairs if I needed anything, and closed the door to my apartment. I was alone, and confused as hell.

Javi told me it’s a good thing we didn’t go too far last night, Steve told me Javi’s crazy for me. What was the truth?

I put those thoughts aside for the moment and instead focused on the bigger issue. My nerves were shot after going through that, and my hands shook as I took a page out of Javi’s book and poured myself a heaping glass of whiskey.

I sat on the couch and took a few sips, finally taking my hair out of its updo and barely getting settled when the door opened.

There he was.

Javier closed the door behind him and leaned back against it. My eyes trailed over his throat as he pressed his head back into the wood behind him. His eyes were shut tight and they stayed that way until his breathing regulated. When he tilted his head back to normal his eyes zeroed in on me. He rushed over and knelt down in front of me, taking my glass out of my hands and placing it on the table. My hands trembled without the weight of the glass, and he held them to keep me steady.

“Are you okay?” His eyes searched mine. “Be honest.”

I nodded, the movement so slight I wasn’t sure he saw it. “Yes, Javier. I’m okay, I promise. Just a bit shaken up. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” He stood up and paced the living room. “Fuck, that was stupid. I should have known better, but instead almost got you killed.”

I stood up and went to meet him, stopping him in his tracks. “That’s not your fault. You tried to do a nice thing, and I really appreciated it. It’s not your fault they were stupid enough to try that.”

He shook his head, his hand coming up to his mouth as he traced his lower lip with his thumb. “You could have been killed tonight, (Y/N).”

“But I wasn’t.” I stepped closer to him, reaching out for his hand. “I’m okay, we’re okay. I’m right here.”

He took his hand out of mine and grabbed onto my upper arms. His grip was tight, not enough to hurt, but almost like he was trying to convince himself that I was standing right there. That I wasn’t hurt. He came closer and pressed his forehead against mine.

“I’m here, I’m okay.” I repeated, closing my eyes for a moment. He leaned back, and I opened my eyes to meet his, nearly gasping at the look of pure hunger that took over him,

We were standing as close as we had been the night before, but neither of us pulled back. Steve’s words played back in my head.

“Javier,” I took a small step closer, so close to where I wanted to be, needed to be, “please.”

“Say it.” He whispered. “Say it and I will.”

He didn’t have to tell me what to say, I knew exactly what he wanted.

“Please.” My voice was barely above a whisper. “Javi.”

His lips were pressed against mine in an instant, as if I flicked a switch. One of his hands pressed against my lower back, pulling my body flush against his, and his other hand cupped my cheek. He held me tenderly and kissed me like he was a starving man. His tongue poked my lip, and slipped into my mouth to massage against mine. I moaned and felt him smile into our kiss.

He pulled back and we were gasping for air. His forehead was pressed against mine.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to kiss you, cariño.” He started to kiss along my jaw, then back up to my lips.

My hands, which were resting against his chest, slid up to his shoulders and then I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. The hand that was on my back went down to my hip and he gripped the fabric of my dress. I could feel him getting harder as we pressed against each other.

He brought his hand up my side and his other hand went from my face to my chest. Both of his hands traced over my breasts, causing me to moan into his mouth. His mustache tickled my skin as he kissed down my jaw to my neck. I ran my hands through his hair, gasping every time I felt his tongue lick a stripe up my skin, or when he nipped at me with his teeth.

We continued to kiss and pull each other as close as possible. Eventually he pulled back and led me to the couch, pulling me on top of him as he sat down. I was straddling him, my legs on either side of his hips, and I could feel him hardening even more under his denim and through the thin fabric I was wearing. Javier moaned when I started to slowly grind myself against him and began to kiss his neck.

His hands still massaged my chest, his thumbs rubbing over my nipples that poked through the fabric of my dress.

“Fuck, baby. This dress fits you so well,” he said. “I’ve been trying to be a gentleman all night, trying not to stare at your tits. Especially at dinner, every time you leaned forward, fuck, I just wanted to taste them.”

“Javi,” I moaned. I was practically panting, feeling too hot in my dress.

He pulled down the fabric covering my chest and arms until it was bunched up around my waist and my bra was on full display. I was slightly embarrassed that I didn’t have any prettier lingerie for him to look at, but after he undid the back and practically ripped my bra off of me I realized it wasn’t the lingerie he wanted to look at.

His mouth dropped open slightly as he stared at my now exposed skin.

“Look at you. So fucking gorgeous.” His voice was kept low but it sounded strained, like he was trying to hold back.

He leaned forward and grabbed hold of my breasts in his warm hands, lifting them slightly so he could wrap his lips around one of my nipples. I threw my head back and moaned his name as his tongue swirled around the bud, pleasure shooting through my body like lightning. He switched to the other nipple, and went back and forth between them while kissing, licking, sucking, and driving me crazy.

As he continued his actions I couldn’t help but keep moving myself against him, his cock hardening still underneath me. The way it rubbed against my clothed clit felt so good and I started to feel a knot forming in my belly.

“That’s it, baby. Make yourself feel good.” He murmured against my skin, making me jolt every time his lips brushed against my nipples. “You’re already close aren’t you? Been a while since anybody made you feel good.”

“Fuck, Javi,” I groaned, feeling that coil start to tighten more and more.

He brought his lips back up to mine and encouraged me to keep going as I panted into his mouth.

“Come on, baby, let yourself go, I got you.” The coil snapped.

I moaned into his mouth and continued moving my hips as wave after wave of pleasure washed over me. He was right, it had been a while, and I hid my face in his neck in embarassment for how quickly I finished.

“Oh, hermosa,” he cooed, “that was incredible.”

I pulled back and sheepishly met his eyes. “It was also too quick.”

“There’s no such thing, especially since we’re only getting started.” My breath hitched at the thought. “I know you’ve got a lot more in you.”

I nodded, still a bit breathless and sensitive from my first orgasm of the night.

“But we’re gonna have to move to the bedroom.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “Because I’ve been dreaming of this for so long, and when I fuck you I don’t want to do it on this couch.”

“No?”

He cupped my jaw in his hand, his eyes filled with want. “I want you to be comfortable while I take you apart over and over again. While I make you cum on the tip of my tongue, with my fingers inside you, and then around my cock.”

“Javi,” I breathed, a flush still blooming on my chest and cheeks, “I need you.”

He smirked. “Then what are we waiting for?”

[epelletea]

Are These TWST Characters Ready to Date?

A/N: This one isn’t’t really a true disneyfy post but I had this little thought of hm which characters would actually be ready for a relationship or not. So here we are! I tried to make it still cute as possible tho :) also some of these are brutally honest or silly

♡ Most of them are going to be a No but I’ll explain why I think this. But don’t worry I did say yes to some characters so not all hope is lost plus this is just a silly little headcanon and thoughts I had

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

Heartslaybul + Che’Nya

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

🌹 Riddle Rosehearts

Personally, he’s not quite ready for a relationship just yet. I feel as if he wants to try and focus on his personal issues first before he can get into especially try and fix his relationship with his mom or cut her out of his life.

He wants to be fully ready and prepared to go into a relationship. He wants to be mentally ready for his S/O. The last thing he would want is to become their personal baggage.

So, overall give him some to time to work on himself and his other issues and he’ll be ready to date :)

♣️Trey Clover

It’s not that he’s not ready. It’s more like it wasn’t on his mind.

He’s many other things on his mind that being his family business, school work and etc.

So anything remotely related to relationships and romance wasn’t really exactly on his mind.

But this doesn’t mean he isn’t ready. He actually is quite ready or at least doesn’t mind having an S/O.

It would be nice to have something more than just platonic love from someone.

So go ahead and ask him out! It’s probably a 50/50 if he says yes or not but go ahead and take the risk!

♦️Cater Diamond

Oh must definitely not.

He is not ready for any fully committed relationship.

However… he will do flings or at least causal date.

Now hear me out. He obviously doesn’t want anyone to really get to know him. None of that personal deep shit (even though he really should open himself and GET THERAPY!)

At least with casual dating, he doesn’t really need to form a real close relationship with them. He can just come and go as he pleases.

God forbid, he ever starts feeling real emotions towards them that’s when he gotta run.

He also has to deal with his obvious personal issues and family issues… he might just need to cut off his sisters at this point.

So yeah sorry Cater lovers, he’s not exactly ready for a committed relationship but he’ll casually date you but don’t be surprised when it’s cut short.

♥️Ace Trappola

If I remember correctly, he has already dated in his life. So he has actually been in a silly little relationship.

I’m going to be 100% honest with you all. I have no idea if he is ready for one or not.

I feel like he’s also a casual dater but wouldn’t mind if the relationship happens to get a little deeper and personal.

This might be short because again I have no idea for him. So go ahead and date this skrunkle he wouldn’t mind.

But be a little wary, I feel like their would be some ups and downs. Maybe a little arguing but overall a plain simple relationship.

♠️Deuce Spade

He’s not ready or at least feels he’s not ready

I feel like speaking about romance and anything related to it would send him into a flustered frenzy which is really cute of him.

He doesn’t think he’s ready because you know his delinquent history and then schoolwork. Yeah his mind is cluttered with so many things so dating would be another thing to clutter on his mind.

He wouldn’t know what to do because then he will be stuck in the mindset of just wanting to please his S/O and make them proud just like how he wants to make his mother proud.

But rest assured, I think a relationship would do him well actually. If he had a S/O it would help calm him down and I don’t know I feel like it would do really well for him.

So go ahead and date him! You might wanna try and convince him first.

Che’Nya

I don’t know anything about him good enough to not say that he’s ready for a relationship.

Therefore go ahead and date him.

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

Savanaclaw

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

Leona Kingscholar

Sorry honey, he’s not ready for a relationship.

I don’t even think he wants a relationship at the moment.

Now I don’t wanna people to think it’s because he’s “lazy” or anything. It’s actually not that.

He needs to get out this really depressive mindset he has going on in his head. The real reason why he is so “lazy” in the first place.

He doesn’t really have the motivation to quite do anything. He knows his worth and is actually really good at a lot of things but he’s just stuck in this loop of “what’s the point” or “it’s no use” and keep shoving down all those emotions and skills he has to just sleep it away.

It’s going to be a really long while before he’ll be ready to get into a relationship. He really badly needs to work on getting himself out of those dumps.

The first step of that should be him graduating out of NRC.

Ruggie Bucchi

Romance is the last thing on his mind right now and could not really care for it.

He’s more focused on the whole ordeal thing with Leona and also trying to gain a little bit more money for himself.

Unless you are walking stack of cash. Don’t expect him to be dating yet.

Keyword on that yet. Let him get some money first and himself together and he’ll get right back to you.

Jack Howl

He’s just like Ruggie. It’s not really a thing on his brain and I wouldn’t exactly say he doesn’t care for it?

It’s a little complicated than that. He thinks dating will be nice but just not right now.

His current goal is to try and become stronger.

After his whole training thing maybe he’ll think about getting an S/O.

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

Octavinelle

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

Azul Ashengrotto

I want to say yes but he’s not ready for one.

He probably doesn’t even think about dating.

But if he was too. Yeah honey he’s absolutely not even the slightest bit of interested.

Although it would be really cute if he did get one.

He also needs to work on himself before he can get into the dating scene. I’m sure he would want to be mentally prepared first before he can just jump right into dating someone.

Floyd Leech

Dating? Romance? Love?

Oh Boy, I think we have another casual dater on our hands.

I feel like he doesn’t want anything too serious on his plate right now so casual dating is the best course for him.

He is not ready for any fully committed relationship. I feel like being in a committed relationship for him would seem like it’s too much work or restricting his freedom.

So you can date him but don’t feel like it’ll last long unless you really touched his heart. Until then don’t be surprised with a sudden breakup and the reasoning of it being is that he “got bored” of you.

Jade Leech

Now I want to say he is like Floyd. But he’s not.

I’ve said it before in a post before about Jade and dating.

It’s not on his mind at all actually. But if you bring up to him I’m sure he wouldn’t mind having a lover.

Quite different from Floyd way, he wouldn’t be into the casual dating thing. He’s more of “waiting for the right one” type.

So is he ready to date? Yes actually. I think he would be quite the gentleman in a relationship.

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

Scarabia

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

Kalim Al Asim

He is a bundle of joy. But I don’t think he’s quite ready yet to get into dating although he probably thinks he is.

When I think of Kalim, I think of Joy from Inside Out. They’re doing their absolute best for others and so much more. But they keep pushing their problems to the side and try to cover it up pushing this toxic positivity onto themselves.

He would be an absolute amazing S/O. But he needs to know that it’s okay to not always be happy and to have some doubt about things.

But if you’re gonna date him, try and help him out bit and bring some reality to him. He doesn’t want to know the real truth about things which is understandable but someone’s going to have to tell him.

Jamil Viper

I don’t think so.

One he is not ready and two he’s definitely ain’t thinking about it either.

With his whole ordeal with Kalim and his own personal issues. Yeah he’s not mentally ready enough to be in one.

Plus I don’t think he wants one at the current moment. Thought it would be nice, he has probably once thought about it.

But he wants to have this freedom of just himself first before he can let in another person into his life.

Just give a him a few months to breathe.

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

Pomefiore + Neige

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

Vil Schoenheit

Odd enough, no he’s not and he’s aware of this.

He wants to work on himself and get his insecurity issues on check before he can date someone.

He wants to better himself for his this future S/O. He wants to show them his beauty in many ways and forms but right now he has to fix this.

But when he is ready , oh be rest assured he will be the best lover there is out there.

Plus I also feel like he’s another person who is “waiting for the right one”

Rook Hunt

Oh honey. He’s been ready to get into a relationship.

This is the Rook Hunt we are talking about here.

However, he’s deeply into the “Happily Ever After” thing

So be ready to get pulled into a loving and long lasting relationship with him.

Epel Felmier

(omg that’s me /t)

Oh Love. He’s not ready.

I think it’s little silly go to think this way but I feel like he wants to be more “manlier” to get into a relationship.

As we all know, Epel has this inner toxic masculinity thing he has. He wants to be more manlier and tougher Like the people in Savanaclaw.

Although he needs to realize that you can still be a man and be well feminine.

Let him work out his inner demons first and he’ll get back to you.

Neige LeBlanche

I don’t know quite a lot about his character other than he’s just Snow White.

And if I remember much from Snow White she generally very friendly and cute.

So, sure go ahead and date him. I think he’s ready!

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

Ignihyde

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

🎮Idia Shroud

I am going to be 100% honest with you all once again.

Absolutely not.

BUT !

A relationship will do him really well. So please date him! I’m begging!!

Just hear me out. He is mentally not there and probably not that stable and I’m realizing as I type this…. this is seeming like a “I can fix him” situation.

No because I’m telling you! It would definitely fix him in some way! An S/O would do him so well and good for him.

He’ll probably start talking more and go outside quite a lot if his S/O wants him too.

I’m begging someone please date this man.

💙Ortho Shroud

N0 <3

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

Diasomnia

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

Malleus Draconia

We all wanna date him. But is he ready to date?

My answer is… yes but no???

I’m quite indifferent on him.

I personally feel like he is ready because hes been lonely for so long. Having a S/O would be magical and amazing for him.

He would really enjoy having another person around and especially sharing that romantic bond.

But something is also telling me that maybe he should wait just a little longer. I dont have quite the explanation yet.

But yes, go ahead and date the poor dragon man. He needs someone.

Lilia Vanrouge

Oh must definitely. He’s getting pretty old and he’s going to want to settle down soon.

This old man has probably already been in relationships before and already know all the ropes. He’s just been keeping it steady so he can watch over Malleus.

But now, I think it’s time for him get out some more and start mingling around with people his age (if it’s possible)

You know find someone to truly settle down with and probably live eternally with until death do them apart.

You know… old people things.

Silver

Dating is not a really thing on his mind.

But he has once thought of having someone special.

But it usually gets shoved to the side and goes back to focusing on whatever important task at hand.

Sebek Zigvolt

Absolutely not.

He is just like Decue.

If you come to him asking him about anything romantic or related to it he will become redder than a tomato.

How could you ask such a “inappropriate” topic to him! How dare you!

Silliness aside, he’s really not interested in dating right now. His main priority is Malleus Draconia.

♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡

[tabbycatplushy]

Big Questions: Chapter Three

Featuring: Joule, Mocha, Paprika, Natalia, Lizzie

4.5k words. Full story: 18k words

Joule has just moved to the city, and now she finds herself living with two friendly, pretty, gay, attractive... roommates. When she suddenly shrinks down to five inches tall, will she be able to deal with the consequences while navigating her budding poly relationship?

[disability, shrinking, lesbian romance, anxiety, polyamory, furries]

>> PROLOGUE >> CHAPTER ONE >> CHAPTER TWO >> CHAPTER THREE (YOU ARE HERE)

“Hey, Kurt? It’s Joule. I won’t be able to come in for a while.” She grimaced through the call. Paprika offered her a thumbs-up from her spot on the couch.

The four of them had moved to the living room. Mocha sat with Paprika on the couch, sipping the coffee Paprika made her. Nat had parked her mobile chair next to Joule on the coffee table while the catgirl used her phone.

Kurt’s voice sounded tinny through the phone. “Joule? I was wondering where you were. You’re usually so punctual. So you’re not coming in?”

“Yeah, it’s a… health emergency. I don’t know how long it’s going to last.”

“Health emergency? Are you going to be okay?”

“Well, I’m not dying or anything. But it’s still pretty serious… I’ve gotta take some time off.”

“Well, shoot.”

“Yeah, sorry about this.”

“Don’t worry about it, just focus on recovering. Let me know when you think you’ll be able to come back. And take care.”

“Will do. Thank you. You too, Kurt.” She hung up, releasing a long-held breath. She gave the phone back to Nat, who tucked it away in her cleavage, skittered her mobile chair across the table, then hopped it across the gap onto her girlfriend’s lap. Paprika began massaging her tiny girlfriend’s back with her fingertips as Nat spoke.

“So,” began Nat as she relaxed into the massage. “Now comes a big question. What do you wanna do, Joule?”

Joule blanched, unprepared to answer such a question. “What do I want to do? I mean, what I want is to get big again.”

“Obviously. But that’s not an option right now, is it?”

Paprika said, “you’re sure you can’t grow anymore?”

The tiny cat shook her head. “Not since the elevator. Something broke.”

“Broke? Like, a bone?”

“No!” she assured. How do I explain it? “No, it was something… mental? I was keeping myself big with mental grounding, but then I felt something just… break. Then I was small again, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get bigger.”

Paprika made a ‘hmm’ sound, scratching her chin with her free paw.

“So, back to my first question. Joule, what do you want to do? Stay here? Move back in with your parents? Do you have a support system back home?”

Joule sat for a moment, staring into space. I want to stay here, but… there’s no way I can make that work without a ton of help from Mo and Pap. I can’t just ask them to rearrange their lives around me, can I? After living with them for all of a month? She opened her mouth to speak, but only a frustrated squeak came out.

Paprika spoke up first. “I just want to say, Joule, that we l-like having you here.” She grasped Mocha’s paw.

“Truly,” said Mocha. “You’re welcome to stay here if that’s what you want.”

They’re just being polite, she thought. You can’t impose on them like this. It’s too big an ask.

...no. I need to trust them. They haven’t let me down yet.

“In that case… Mo, Pap… I’d like to stay here. I understand if you’d rath—”

“Fuck yeah!”

“Perfect.”

“You guys…” A hearty purr rose up in Joule’s chest.

“I’m so happy for you gay weirdos. But like, now that we know Joule wants to stay here, we need a plan to make that happen.”

“Well, I could ask Bru to help us make some simple ramps on the furniture? For your bed, at least.”

“Joule, do you think ramps would help you get around?” Nat asked.

“Well, I could probably…”

“Honest answers only, honey. This is about what you need.”

“Well, then… if I’m being honest, I don’t like the idea of having to climb up a ramp every time I want to use my bed.” The pain made it excruciating to ever use the stairs, and she didn’t think she’d fare any better on a ramp.

Natalia nodded, satisfied to get an honest answer.

From there, with Natalia guiding the discussion, they formulated a plan. Other than her bed, Joule didn’t need to access any of the furniture in a situation where Mocha or Paprika wouldn’t also be there; in those cases, they could lift her themselves. In Joule’s room, they would set up a smaller bed and desk which she could easily access in her shrunken state.

As for tools and supplies, they would have to buy specialty microhuman versions of a few things; eating utensils, toothbrush and toothpaste, hair and fur products, and most importantly, a phone.

“That one will be a bit more out of my price range, at least right away. I’ll just have to use my big phone for a while until I can get some more cash coming in.”

“Don’t bother. I’ll get you one,” said Nat. “Do you need anything else? Laptop, PC..?”

“Nat, I couldn’t…” Joule started.

“It’s literally not a problem. MicroSec spokesperson, remember? I can get ‘em for free.”

“Oh. Right. Well, in that case… a gaming PC would be nice. But you’ve got to let me pay you back for all the clothes you bought me!”

“Hmm, do I, though?”

“Paprika, your girlfriend is being too generous!”

Natalia tittered. “As if! Pap won’t help you here. I’ve got her wrapped around my finger. Right, babe?”

“‘Fraid she’s right, Joule.” The tabby leaned down to peck Natalia’s little head. “I serve the whims of my tiny goddess.”

Joule couldn’t help but feel… envious as she watched the two of them interact. They had been physically affectionate ever since Natalia arrived with Joule. Every time Paprika held the shrimpgirl, or kissed her, or caressed her with such care and precision, Joule imagined herself in Nat’s position.

Joule returned from her envious thoughts and saw the two lovebirds had been staring into each other’s eyes for over a while. Paprika abruptly stood up and said, “we’re going to go. Hang out. For a minute.”

“For a few minutes,” Nat giggled as the tabby picked her up, chair and all, and made for the guest bedroom.

Joule was unable to keep the red from her face. I don’t even like sex! Why am I so…

Mocha, who had been smugly watching the procession while she sipped her coffee, broke the tension. She leaned over Joule and whispered, “that’s Pap. She’ll flirt with you till the cows come home, but when it actually comes time to act on all that braggadocio she can't even talk straight.” She turned to Joule. “How are you feeling?”

Joule considered giving the polite answer, but decided against it; Mocha didn’t want polite, she wanted the truth.

“Scared.”

“Can I do anything to help you be less scared?”

Joule shook her head. "No, it’s not you. I don’t mean scared like I was last night, with Paprika… I just, all these big decisions are hard. I don’t know what’s going to happen…”

It was… most of the truth. But Joule wasn’t ready to share the rest of it yet.

Mocha said nothing, but raised one perfect eyebrow, clearly sensing there was more to it.

I’m in love with you and your girlfriend, Joule thought, and I’m scared to tell you and I’m scared to let you love me back. She struggled, under that knowing gaze, not to confess everything right there.

The cow relented, her stare transforming into an easy smile. “You win this round,” she said. “When you’re ready, I’d like to hear what’s troubling you.”

Relieved, Joule agreed, nodding her head because she didn’t trust herself to speak.

The two of them sipped their drinks. Joule felt full as if she had drunk a liter, but the level of her cocoa had barely even dropped.

A few minutes later, Paprika returned, Nat in her mobile chair perched on the tabby’s shoulder. The shrimp had pulled out a tiny flip mirror and was fixing her makeup.

Paprika had an extra pep in her step that wasn’t there before. She stopped near the coffee table to let Nat skitter down her arm. Once her girlfriend had safely disembarked, she said, “Joule, I was thinking of going down to see Lizzie, and then running some errands. I’ll update hir on the last couple of hours. Is there anything in particular you want me to mention?”

Suddenly, Joule remembered Lizzie’s words this morning. “Actually, can I come with?”

Paprika crouched down, clearly surprised. “You up for it?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I think I should talk to Lizzie in person. And I think it would be nice to get out of the house for a bit.”

Grinning, Paprika said, “wait here,” and hurried back down the hall.

A few minutes later she emerged once more, sporting a red flannel over her torn-up crop top. She held out her fist, and Joule bumped one knuckle with her own tiny paw. Then the tabby flipped her paw over, opening her palm. “Climb aboard, madame.”

Joule did just that, then crouched as Paprika carefully lifted her up to the flannel’s breast pocket. She climbed inside.

“Anyone else want to come?” Paprika said.

“Thanks babe, but I think I’ll rest here for a bit. Catch up with Mocha.”

“That sounds lovely, Natalia,” said Mocha. “And I think I may start on lunch as well. I’ll see you later love. You too, Joule!”

Paprika blew both of them a kiss as she stepped out the door, while Joule hid her blush behind the pocket’s lip.

***

From where she rested in Paprika’s breast pocket, Joule had a view almost as high as her old one. They were just now exiting the lobby of their building, onto the street beyond. Joule tried not to look too foolish as she watched the world go by. Everything is so big, now!

Everything looked the same, but the perspective shift felt like more than the angle. It all felt so much bigger than her. More threatening.

Joule must have been showing her anxiety, because Paprika reached up to scritch the top of her head with one huge finger. She closed her eyes, focusing on the intense pleasure it brought. All too soon, it stopped. “Was that alright?” Paprika asked.

“I don’t think anyone has pet me that well before!”

She chuckled. “Yeah, you were purring pretty hard there. But you should feel how Mocha does it.”

“That good, huh?”

“You have no idea.” She stopped in front of the wooden door to Lizzie’s shop, and pushed it open with all her strength.

The alchemist was at the counter with another customer. Hir eyes found Joule’s immediately. “My, you look much improved from this morning, little kitten.”

“Hey, Liz,” said Paprika. “There’ve been some… developments.”

“Hmm. One moment, girls.” Paprika leaned on a section of counter off to the side while Liz finished up with the customer.

“Hey, are you doing alright down there?”

Joule was not. She was dreading having to tell Liz about her foolish excursion. “...no,” she squeaked.

“What’s wrong?” Joule felt Paprika tense up.

“I just… I’m embarrassed. At what I did. I didn’t listen to what Lizzie said. Ze’re going to be angry with me.”

The tension melted from Paprika’s body. “Nah, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“But how do you know that?”

“‘Cause Lizzie doesn’t judge. Just watch. You’ve got this.”

Liz finished with the customer, and turned to the two of them. Joule saw that a raised walkway had been erected behind the counter for the shortened Lizzie to work from in hir goblin form. “Now,” ze whispered, “what news?”

Joule took a deep breath and told hir. Just as Paprika had predicted, Liz simply listened. When she was done, ze whispered, “How are you holding up, little kitten?”

“I’m… you’re not mad?”

“Mad? But why?” Lizzie shook hir head. “This is good news. It means my theory is correct, and you can grow again.”

“That’s great!” said Paprika.

“But I can’t now! I broke it!”

“Bah, temporary. You burned yourself out, is all.”

I… so this is just burnout?

“You’re going to be fine,” Lizzie said. “You’ve got a good body, you just need to stop pushing it so hard. Let yourself rest.”

Joule wanted to hide in Paprika’s pocket. “Isn’t it supposed to be good to push yourself?” she muttered.

“Not as far as this. Everyone has their limit. Push yourself, yes, but you have to listen to your body when it tells you it’s done. Have you been listening to the messages it’s sending you?”

Joule didn’t need to think hard to know the answer.

“Thanks, Lizzie. By the way, I got some hearing modulators, so you don’t have to whisper anymore."

“Good to hear, good to hear,” ze said. “Thank you for stopping by. I look forward to your gradual recovery.”

The two of them thanked Lizzie before leaving the shop. Paprika took them to the bus stop.

“Next up on the list is groceries, we need to grab something for dinner. How hungry are you?”

Joule rubbed her belly. “Very.”

“Good, we’ll have you pick it out then. You always pick better when you’re hungry.” A bus pulled up before them. “That’s us.”

Careful not to jostle Joule too much, Paprika climbed into the bus and found a seat near the front. “How are you doing so far?”

“It’s… surprisingly pleasant.”

“I’m not moving too fast? Or crushing you to death with my fat tits?”

Joule laughed. “Nope! Maybe if I was riding in *Mocha’s* shirt pocket, but…”

Joule worried she’d gone too far with that one, but Paprika laughed even harder, straining Joule’s hearing modulators.

“I’m not going to lie, it is extremely nice to ride around on those babies.”

“You say that like you’ve done it before.”

Paprika nodded. “Yep. I kind of… I like to play around with potions a lot. For… recreational purposes.” She seemed lost in thought for a second. “Anyway, this one time I took a potion that made me really small, and I got to hitch a ride in Mocha’s cleavage for the day.”

“Really? How small? Were you as small as me?”

“No, not quite that small. I was a little closer to Nat’s size.”

Joule was about to respond when the bus screeched to a stop, and she became weightless. The stop jolted Paprika forward, onto a collision course with the seat in front of them.

Joule saw this, and realized she was about to be crushed between Paprika and the forward seat. Her heart raced, her mind numbed with the realization that I am going to die.

She couldn’t finish the thought. Paprika had darted her paw protectively over Joule. She hunched over, checking the forward seat with her shoulder.

Joule was enveloped in warm darkness, her heart beating in her throat. After a stunned moment, she shifted as Paprika sat up from her hunched position. The hand that cupped Joule against her lifted, and she blinked, adjusting to the light.

Mania tinged the tabby’s voice. ”Are you okay!?” she asked, eyes wide.

Joule stared back, not comprehending, until her brain caught up with reality. She nodded, shaken. Paprika loosed a cry of relief.

She stood up and swiftly exited the bus. Her eyes held on the bus driver as she went, promising violent murder. When they stepped off onto the sidewalk, the tabby’s breathing normalized. “Fuck that driver,” was all she said.

Joule had no idea what to say to that. She didn’t know if there was anything to say. But she knew in her tiny, hummingbird heart that she trusted Paprika with her life. I’ll never fear her again, she thought.

***

Mocha chopped cucumber with the speed and precision of a professional chef, then tossed the slices into the great bowl with everything else. Next she began dicing a pair of tomatoes. Pepperoncini, spinach, croutons, shredded carrots and cheese; and some quartered pepperoni slices for Paprika.

As she was picking from her collection of sauces and dressings in the fridge, Nat said, “looks tasty. But like, I hope you don’t expect Joule to try and eat it.”

Mocha’s finger settled on a pale dressing. What was I thinking? She sighed. “To be honest, I had forgotten. Do you have any suggestions?”

“Take a piece of every ingredient, and use a sharp knife to make slices as small as you can. Put it on a tea plate, or a shot glass if you need to. But don't use too much dressing.”

Mocha followed her instructions. Because of the care she needed to make such small cuts, it took as long as the rest of the salad combined to make, but in the end there was a perfectly Joule-sized portion. Mocha finished it with the tiniest drop of dressing she could manage.

Natalia scuttled past, checking her work. “Looks good. You can let her mix it when she gets back.”

Mocha nodded, adding dressing to the big salad as well. She stretched her arms and neck, and leaned back on the counter.

Nat parked her chair across from Mocha on the island. With a smirk and a twitch of her red antennae, she said, “you’re in lesbians with her, aren’t you?”

Mocha froze. “Is it really that obvious?”

“You and Pap aren’t exactly being subtle about it! Honey, the only one who could possibly miss it is Joule. But even she’s starting to notice.”

Mocha perked up. “Has she mentioned..?”

“Girl, you know I’m not gonna tell you. You’ve gotta ask her yourself.”

“I know, I know. And here I thought I was the one who gives relationship advice.”

“Like, who do you think I learned it from?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have. The suspense is killing me.”

“You’ll live.” Natalia’s face turned serious. “I wanted to ask you a big question, though.”

“Oh?”

“You said you’re okay with her staying here, and I believe you. But are you willing to help take care of her? Even if like, she never ever gets bigger again?”

“Of course!”

“Just take a second, and really think about it. Are you absolutely sure? Can you do it for a year? Ten years? Through all that time, can you do everything to meet her needs?”

Mocha took a moment to think about it. It was not a long moment; she knew the answer. She stood up straight. “Yes. I will.”

Arms crossed, Natalia met her eyes, and nodded. “Good.”

Then she made an exaggerated, weary sigh. “Okay. Like, sorry to grill you like that. But I seriously needed to make sure you knew the responsibility you were taking on. I trust you to take good care of Pap, but this is a different thing entirely!”

“Of course. I know it won’t be easy,” said Mocha. “But I love her, and I want to take care of her. We both do.”

An awkward silence passed. “Sorry again for giving you the talk. I know you, and like I know you’re cool. But like, I’ve gotta look out for my fellow tinies.”

“I understand. I wouldn’t expect anything less.” She picked up the bowl. “Now, they should be back any minute—let’s get the table ready.”

***

The rest of the trip to the grocery store and back was uneventful. For dinner, Joule excitedly picked tortellini pasta; she had always thought a giant tortellini would taste incredible. Now that she was small, she thought to put her theory to the test.

They spent the trip home in silence, with Joule resting in her pocket while Paprika occasionally reached up to scratch her head.

It was… nice. For a little while, the outside world couldn’t reach her. The expectations, the clamor of everyday life was far away, and she was able to simply exist next to someone she loved. It was the most comfortable Joule had been since…

Well, she couldn’t remember.

Her leg pains weren’t bothering her, either. In fact, she had actually forgotten about them entirely—for a few minutes, at least. Not even pain, her constant companion, could reach her here.

As Paprika carried her closer to home, a knot of dread tied itself in her core, interrupting her rest more and more. She was coming up on something big, terrifying in its ability to rip her to pieces if it didn’t go well. But, scary as it was, she knew that just beyond it was something good and warm.

The only way she could get through to that warm place was through trust.

She barely heard the elevator ding! as she wrestled with her emotions. The walk down the hall to their apartment door went by in a flash.

Paprika unlocked the door and entered the apartment.

Mocha called out in greeting. “Welcome back, love!”

Joule heard Natalia scuttling close by as the shrimp said, “Hey babe! How was it? Where’s Joule?”

The catgirl in question poked her head out of the pocket, rubbing her eyes as they adjusted to the early afternoon light. “Hi, everyone.”

“We made lunch,” said Mocha. “Come eat!”

A few minutes later, they sat around the dining table once more. Mocha and Paprika sat side by side in the chairs, while Nat ate in her mobile chair upon the tabletop. Joule had acquired a small pillow upon which she sat criss-cross with the shot glass of salad balanced in her legs. The comfortable silence from before carried over into the meal.

The salad was delicious, and Joule ate every bite. Mocha was next to finish, and she stood up to take her bowl to the sink, reaching over to take Joule’s as well.

“W-wait…” she said.

Mocha stopped. “What is it?”

Joule cleared her throat and stood up, gripping her paws tightly. Her tail stood straight out. “I need to tell you something. You too, Paprika.”

Mocha sat back down. Everyone was looking at her now. Her eyes brushed past Natalia, who gave her a thumbs-up and a wide smile.

“I… heard you. When I was sneaking out, I heard you two talking in the kitchen.”

Both of her roommates immediately flushed, looking like they’d been caught with their paws in the cookie jar. Even unflappable Mocha was as red as Natalia’s legs.

Paprika was the first to sputter out a response. “H-how much d-did you hear?”

“A few things… but the truth is, they kind of scared me, a little.”

Mocha, finding her voice again, said, “Scared you how?”

“I just… I just don’t want to ruin this. And I don’t want to lose you, either of you, and, and…”

“Hey, hey…” Paprika reached out a paw, stopping a few inches from Joule. “It’s okay, I’m sorry we worried you so much…”

She and Mocha shared a silent look. “We’re not going anywhere,” Mocha said. “We’re here for you, whatever form that takes.”

“That’s right,” said Paprika. “We can stay friends if you want.”

“What? NO!” Joule shouted as loud as her tiny lungs could allow. She ran towards them, grabbing a finger of Paprika’s outstretched paw. “No, I like you guys too!”

They stopped as if slapped.

“You…”

“Oh!”

“Are you guys kidding me, really? I love you! You,” she pointed at Mocha. “Are so goddamned selfless, and wise, and cool, and you always make me so comfortable to be around!”

She pointed at Paprika. “And you! You’re so goofy and sincere, and wild, and ridiculously charming, and everything is so casual with you, like I’ve known you all my life! And then you’re always there to comfort me, and protect me!”

Joule finished her rant, leaving them all in stunned silence. She looked up, and saw tears in both of her roommates eyes.

Still holding Paprika’s finger, Joule extended her paw towards Mocha’s. The cowgirl stuck on finger out for her to grab.

Joule wrapped both fingers in a hug. “I love you,” she said. “I love you."

***

MAY

A noise from outside lifted Joule from her dream. She could feel her girlfriends on either side of her; Mocha was big spoon to Joule, who had her own arms wrapped around Paprika.

She opened her eyes and saw the tabby’s veil of red hair, and her sleeping face only inches from her own. The tip of one orange thumb pressed gently against her lips.

She kept herself from making adoring sounds, not wanting to wake Paprika from her perfect state. She reached over to her phone, opening the camera and taking a quick snap of the sleeping tabby.

The movement stirred Mocha, who murmured gently and pulled Joule closer. “Oh, I’ll never get used to this,” Mocha whispered.

“Good morning, gorgeous,” said Joule. “I’m going to go make some breakfast.”

The cow pulled her tighter. “Nope. You’re going to cuddle me, forever.”

Joule nestled into the embrace, content to give Mocha a few more minutes. When she was ready she didn’t wriggle out from Mocha’s grip; instead, she shrank.

Now that she knew what she was doing, it was quite a simple thing. Like moving an arm or blinking, she just did it. Now, shrinking and growing were as natural to her as breathing.

Joule brought herself to about five inches tall; this was her favorite height, and about as low as she could go. Mocha mumbled again as she felt Joule’s form disappear from her grasp. The tiny catgirl, now standing on the mattress, placed a kiss on the cowgirl’s forehead before padding to the foot of the bed. Once at the edge, she let herself grow again and stepped down onto the floor.

She looked back at her girlfriends. Mocha had pulled Paprika into her embrace now, and the tabby was sleeping soundly still in her arms.

Joule let herself stare for a moment. How did I fall so in love with them in just two months?

Satisfied, she slipped out of the master bedroom and walked to the kitchen. On the way, she sent the photo she had taken to Natalia.

natalia: omg!! =:03 so cuteeeeeee!! <3

natalia: so jelly, I love when she sucks her thummb

Joule placed a skillet on the stove, and began frying some eggs. She remembered the night last month when she had suddenly shrunk for the first time.

Back then, it had happened because she wouldn’t listen to the signals her body was sending. At the time she thought it was horrible. She winced in private embarrassment over her past actions. I’d been thinking about my shrinking as if it meant my life was basically over. As if it wasn’t worth living as a tiny. She could see now how ridiculous that was.

Now she knew that her body had locked her in that state to protect her. She had needed a rude awakening to show her just how much she had to change. And to rest.

The eggs were nearly done. Her ears twitched; she could hear her groggy girlfriends emerging from the bedroom. Joule moved the eggs onto three plates, turned off the stove, and ran out to the hall to meet them. She surprised them with a pounce, shrinking in mid-air, trusting them to catch her. Mocha plucked her right out of the air, swinging her around lifting her up between herself and Paprika.

All three of them embraced, laying kisses on each other's cheeks. Joule was right where she was meant to be.

END

[hgduo]

I'm still sorta catching up on everything and I have a lot of fucking thoughts... but honestly... hot take... circumstances aside this might be a good thing for them provided q!Cell is careful with what he does next ( which... idk man his mind is a whole 'nother can of worms rn-)

We can all agree that these two care a LOT about each other and they match quite well... but they definitely rushed into things during an intense time of their lives- I mean they hadn't even gone on their first date yet and were already engaged. They had just gotten out of a high adrenaline situation and were fresh off of realizing that they liked each other as more then friends and jumped to one of the furthest steps you can travel with a relationship on top of all the other shit that's going on in their lives rn. So, maybe they need this break right now before they actually do tie the knot, should that still be on the table for them.

I want them to make it work, but I also want it be healthy and for them to not just rush into things again just because they love each other... Cellbit's love for Roier, while genuine, can push him into dangerous places during this very stressful time for him- it is something that makes him happy and he does not want to let it go. He is very afraid of losing Roier and while Cellbit recognizes that Roier needs the space right won't try to pressure him to continue things I worry about this fear pushing him further into dark places while he's caught up in all of these painful emotions right now. Cellbit never ever wanted to hurt Roier ... but that fact is he still did... Right now it kinda feels like he is stuck on thinking about how he can fix things and make Roier happy when what would really make Roier happy would be taking the time to focus on helping himself recover from all the shit that's happened to prevent another incident and accidentally hurt Roier (and by extension himself) yet again. Cellbit is hot off the heels of stress after stress and we still don't know the full extent of what the federation even did to him- he loves Roier yeah and q!Cellbit has over the years made a lot of progress compared to the downright horrible person he once was, but the fact of the matter may be that Cellbit might not be in the right place for a relationship right now- especially something as serious as marriage.

And Roier, while doing the healthy and right thing with breaking things off, has already forgiven Cellbit which is a bit concerning given he literally killed his grandpa (real or not- the fact still stands he would've killed that old man)- I think he does still want to be with Cellbit, but he really needs to take the time to properly nurse the pain before going back into the heat of things- yes being with Cellbit made him happy but right now he feels very hurt and once again betrayed by someone he trusted with all his heart (and that first situation honestly didn't even happen that long ago) ... no matter how much he loves him Roier needs the time to consider if being with him is still good for him right now and if he can not only trust Cellbit again but be prepared for possibly being hurt again ( and I'm not saying that to push any of the responsibility of things going sour here off of q!Cell- he fucked up big time- I'm saying it because that's one of the hard parts of love- sometimes you will hurt your partner or get hurt by your partner even if there was no intention of hurt- and there's no shame with not being ready for that or not being able to forgive that.)

Both of them have been through a lot and I really want them to make it work but... well they gotta Make it work for things to Work, yeah :3

Wow this ended up being way longer then I intended- Basically- These two just need to slow down and take the time to sort things out- primarily with themselves rn... even if I have a nagging feeling that it may get worse before it gets better- ( because uhh,,, I mean- just- *gestures at the murderous traumatized tiny catboy* )

but uhhh I don't really wanna get my hopes up not because I don't have faith but man have I been burned badly before my track record with these things is fucking awful but like- I'm rooting for them I really am- can we have a ship that DOESN'T end tragically for once to spice things up please- can we have a wedding and mariage that DOESN'T END IN FLAMES PLEASE I 🙏

also yeh maybe I'm looking way too deep into the block game roleplay but dammit it's just so fun to do so LMAO

[variousqueerthings]

okay I didn't go into Victory of the Daleks whilst watching cos I think it's trash, but let's do the Measurement on it!

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 9/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored): 3/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 6/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 5/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 5/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 6/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 7/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 8/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 3/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 1/10

FULL RATING: 53/100 (if I can count….)

Christopher Eccleston I hope you never watched the last two episodes, in which the Doctor was personal friends with various members of the royal family and supports its structures, and the Doctor is personal friends with Winston Churchill....

also I've gotta be honest, Matt Smith's acting isn't giving it in this in terms of the Dalek Trauma, but then none of the episode is

I liked the Doctor going "Amy- Amelia!" when worried for her safety

OBJECTIFICATION: At least there's none of that really. Second miniskirt, but youknow. that's Amy's wardrobe most of the time.

PLOT-POINT: nothing is really explored about Amy in this episode, but I guess not every episode needs to be doing that. I think her relationship with the Doctor continues to be written a bit to the left of what makes sense for them, considering the past, but I'm willing to consider that she just wants the adventure and not to think too much about things

COMPLEXITY: I mean, it's not complicated at all. if anything it's a bit simple. bringing the Daleks back like this, in a way that previously was reserved for Very Special Episodes. marks the beginning of the end of the Daleks as serious villains....

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: because the Daleks make very little sense in this, it's kind of dumb lore, but way more interesting is the tidbit that Amy doesn't remember the events of previous seasons

now I've previously disliked this plotpoint, because I feel like it never properly gets resolved despite the cracks in time later on being... uncracked. however it is cool when it's first mentioned!

COMPANIONS MATTER: Amy does mostly one thing, which is remind the guy who's actually a robot what it is to be human, so he doesn't blow up, and she does it by reminding him... that he was in love once.....

“hey Paisley… ever fancied someone you know you shouldn’t… hurts doesn’t it… but kind of a good hurt…” <- look I’m biased but I’d just explode if I were a secret Dalek bomb RIP to all of us aros, but we're not really human

this wouldn't needle so much, if I didn't know that this is so much of M*ffat's thesis. romantic love is better than any other forms of connection

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: the Doctor is kind of the point of this episode in that they needed his voice to make the plot work, and then he's badass, and then it ends. it's not "godlike," but it's just. not a good episode. the end.

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: So this also ties into the lore -- I kind of like right now how it definitely does acknowledge the previous narratives and it's weird that Amy doesn't know that it happened... highly suspect

“SEXINESS”: we're fine on the sexiness overall. minimum trying to be sexy outside of the general weirdness of the miniskirts as a Choice

INTERNAL WORLD: it's not good folks. it's trying to be so big and impressive and so we've got random planes in space and Churchill is Personal Friends With The Doctor and it's got this whole wink wink we know we're going to beat the Germans, because we know the Future

vs, say, M*ffat's last foray into WWII (which, granted he didn't write this episode, but this is his show now) in which you really got a sense of the fear and the unknown and the Deeply Human, because we're not just hanging out with the Most important people

it's just not recognisable as a Place and Time, beyond the need for some kind of coolness factor

and speaking of The Most Important People--

POLITICS: uuuuuuurghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh okay

I have seen someone say that this episode is actually a critique of Churchill, and honestly I was this close to skipping it, and then that dragged me in to actually give it a go and

no it is not. I mean, yes, Churchill is characterised as someone who will try to win however he can, but he's actually trying his best in a difficult situation and as the Doctor says: “the world doesn’t need me. The world’s got Winston Spencer Churchill.”

UUUUUUURGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OKAY

the doctor personal friends with winston churchill

the fucking. Hey-Ho Britain Propaganda! We'll Beat The Bally Germans Ey Lads!

FULL RATING: 53/100 (if I can count….)

It loses on the politics of course, and on the internal world-building (again related to the politics), and Amy isn't really much of anything in this episode beyond... there

it does well on... not doing the sexy sexism I guess. and it's not terrible towards other Doctor Who stories, although maybe it deserves less on that because fuuuck the shit it does with the Daleks is an insult in and of itself

it's just not a good episode

[bxttxrflybxddie]

Hey, how are you? I hope you're doing well :D Quick question, could I ask for some Mime Bomb x Reader or some Chase Devineaux x Reader? Either one would be great to have some Headcannons too :) I hope you have a great day/night!

|Chase Devineaux X Reader|

a/n: tbh i haven't written for mr. 'to hunt' in a while, i still gotta redo all my older works lol working on the mb hcs rn!

pairing: chase devineaux x reader

post type: headcannons

requested: yes

word count: 0.7k

warnings: mentions of acts of violence, slight ptsd mention, food, mmm french agent, lovey dovey, pls don't fail me mobile tumblr

one of his greatest worries in your relationship is something happening to you. he knows his line of work is dangerous, so he will keep his distance from you in the beginning to protect you. chase knows from first-hand experience how terrifying both vile and acme can be, so he will do what he can to prevent you from getting hurt.

however, he physically cannot stay away from you. you're the sigh of relief he’s always needed in his life. he considers it a privilege to be yours, completely and entirely belonging to you. he’s lucky you wanted to even go to that first date with him, let alone staying by his side.

chase struggles with self-esteem issues more than he’ll let on. once you know what to look for, it's easy to notice. he’ll skip meals and showers to focus on his work. he can't be so close yet so far from figuring out what everything means.

it’s a slow progression for him to get into this mindspace, but it's no trouble for you to take him out of it. hold his hand and gently move him to the table for dinner, sit him down and shave his face for him (maybe even shower with him or bathe him yourself, this doesn't even need to be sexual!), hold him close and play with his hair, the frenchman loves to be pampered but won't admit it.

the longer your relationship lasts, the healthier he’ll become. he wants the best for you, hence he'll be the best.

holding him in the depth of night is a loved activity between you both. your head rested on his chest, the hair tickling your face ever so softly. you'll both whisper to each other about any and everything. he tends to tell you about his days since they're filled with humor (and he loves hearing you laugh). his accent is the thickest at this time unless you both usually speak french to one another.

“and then, i 'ad to buy a new coat. i still think that the mime is up to something..”

for the sake of his sanity and for your safety, try your best not to get involved with carmen sandiego. (i'm so lying DO IT it's good story)

if you do find yourself in this situation, expect her to give you a few friendly quips of her own. nothing malicious, don't worry! (maybe a little flirty at first bc she's Like That but once you shut it down she'll respect that.)

your lover doesn't like how much he has to travel for work. all of these gorgeous sights but the most beautiful is waiting for him to come home :(

even if he wanted to bring you along, (he doesn't for the sake of your health and that is the Only Reason) acme isn't fond of the idea of someone who doesn't work for them getting into trouble and them having to clean up the mess. especially since they’d be with Mr. Accident-Prone.

however, if you do work for acme, expect chase to request being your partner to every mission.

“Agent Zari has already been selected to accompany them, Devineaux.”

“....Yes, but-”

the moments where he can take a deep breath and let his walls come down are few and far inbetween, but in those moments he's viscously flirty.

he’ll go all out on his compliments that leave you flustered. he's very touchy!

he can give it all until he's given his soul too, but once he receives anything he's a mess. caress the side of his face, call him handsome, run your hands over the nape of his neck. he's gone, melted into a puddle on the floor.

he smells good. you tell him every now and then, he'll believe you but not entirely. he knows that he doesn't smell bad but he doesn't realize just how much peace he brings when his hugs engulf you. he will after some time though.

he can't cook if his life depended on it but he's an amazing baker. expect treats often! he’ll gift you the sweets for any reason, as well. (because ‘why not’ also counts as a reason)

mmmm strong hands mmm that hold you gently mmmmmmm

he wants a future with you. what you want that to contain is up to you, but the thought of waking up everyday to your face makes him feel giddy.

chase devineaux is a flawed man, but there isn't anything he can't do by your side.

© BXTTXRFLYBXDDIE

[tribow]

2015 comes in on the touhou community to drop the bombshells that are Urban Legend in Limbo and Legacy of Lunatic Kingdom. No miss no bomb score chasers and lunatic players had no idea what they were getting into and the fanon takes a massive hit. No one was ready for this.

This post bleeds quite a bit into 2016 as well. A lot of fanworks started adjusting interpretations and I was simply lost in the sauce. So anyway, here's my findings:

A new ship sails with Mokou and Sumireko due to their interactions in ULiL. Kaguya ain't happy about it.

I've noticed Raiko (and by extension, the Tsukumo sisters) be commonly depicted with tattoos. I don't know if this is a reference to something or if it's just inspired by metal/rock bands.

Wakasagihime gets some of the saddest works I've seen centered around one character in a while. She goes from being a part of a comedic trio to a lot of social trauma.

Sekibanki gotta be one of the funniest touhou characters of all time.

Seiran totally never killed someone! It's just paste! Don't worry about it!

Ringo collapses the instant she stops eating dango.

At this time Junko was not harassing Reisen at all! In fact, in most works I saw they actually somewhat got a long. Enjoy it while it lasts Reisen.

Junko commonly mistakes Seiga and Kaguya as Chang'e.

What if you place other sphere-like objects on Hecatia's head? A lot of works run with this joke.

For obvious reasons, Clownpiece tends to use a lot of english words or speak entirely in katakana

We are at peak psycho Koishi hours. Koishi getting a knife was all that was needed for this fanon interpretation to take over a while. Koishi's Heart Throbbing Adventure is no longer the main inspiration.

Sagume tends to have a very close relationship with Doremy since in many fanworks, her ability doesn't work in the Dream World so Doremy is a character she can freely talk to.

Tsukumo sisters have fallen under the Aki sisters routine of butting into a situation just so they can be involved.

The Tsukumos also seem to have their dynamic flipped for some reason. Benben would be crazy and Yatsuhashi would be cool-headed. Weird.

Kosozu is now an incident magnet and sometimes enjoys it.

Momiji's sword seems to keep getting smaller every year, I remember when she always had a buster sword.

Tojiko has been suppressing her anger as a vengeful spirit, but this also means if she does get mad, all of that anger comes out at once as lightning. The entire UFO and TD crew have to balance antagonizing each other, but not pissing off Tojiko.

Seija now has a mom. (It's Sagume).

Junko is very nice to the fairies

Tewi gets presented as a badass a lot around this time. Maybe she doesn't want Seiran to show her up.

Sumireko knows who Maribel and Renko are (this is not the case in canon...I think.)

Lots of Watatsuki sisters content here, although they're mostly used for catching up with the Eientei gang.

Lunarians can't resist filthy Earth food. It's just too good....well....at least until Sagume accidentally says it out loud.

Kokoro just wants to fight people, she'll use any justification. It's practically how she talks to others.

Hecatia becomes the weird t-shirt girl thanks to Sanae's dialogue in LoLK. She'll never live this down.

As usual, for a lot of the established touhou cast, their fanon portrayals don't change too much. However, the status quo was greatly shifted by the Lunarians. Eientei becomes more of a plot point in many doujins now and that is much different to how it has been for a while.

Bit of a side note, but I really like how a lot of doujins gave Junko a wide-eyed, but empty stare at all times. Really reinforces how broken of a mental state she must be in despite keeping up a casual conversation with most characters.

I feel this is around the time when there was a bit of a resurgance in touhou fans. Not that it was dying out, but much of the fan content did not focus on newer characters nearly as much as this year was.

[dufrau]

Please don’t answer if this is TMI for you, but you mentioned being a top and (I think) having a cis husband. Any advice on navigating that beyond just ‘peg your boyfriend’? A really good friend of mine is bi and has been dipping back into dating cis guys after not doing so for a while and her wanting to top has been killing the vibe for her with otherwise great guys

Um. Okay. It's not TMI for me so no worries about asking, but I don't really like to air my partners business out though so I'm going to keep things sort of vague? And also put it under the cut for people who don't really want to know this kind of shit about me lol.

For me. Personally. And like, for the record! everything I ever say about gender and sexuality etc is always just For Me, Personally. Not meant to be prescriptive or presumptive about anybody else, right. Everybody is different so my feelings about things probably won't apply to a lot of people and I never want anybody to think I'm trying to be like "This is the way."

But for me, personally. I don't feel like top/bottom dynamics the way I experience them really translate directly into my relationships with cis men?

When I talk about topping, I'm not necessarily talking about specific sexual acts, what I'm really talking about is being the driver of somebody else's enjoyment, being in charge of that, actively making that happen for somebody. And for people of any gender who tend to identify more as bottoms, which for me when I'm with women those are the women I tend to be compatible with, that does lean into me being more dominant etc etc. And the distinctions there about who's doing what tend to be pretty clear and just generally easier to navigate (everybody is different, communicate, set boundaries and respect them etc etc) but yeah. I mean. That's where my sexuality lives, for the most part. That's the comfort zone.

But my male partner isn't a bottom, at all really, so figuring out how to balance that stuff has been a process, honestly. Which, For Me, Personally. I'm not stone. I like being touched just fine, I'm fine with whatever, physically, I just don't really want that to be the focal point of the experience? So a lot of it is on vibes. Figuring out how to feel the way I want to feel. And like, part of that is navigating the culture around sex. Because there are things that when you do them to a woman people call it topping but when you do them to a man people call it bottoming, right? It's very tangled in that way, and I've had to untangle a lot of that in my brain.

And also, like, labels don't define you, they only describe you. I'm a top. That's just fucking true, it is an inescapable fact. But it doesnt mean I can't do certain things or shouldnt do certain things. It just describes my preferences, my tendencies, my feelings. It's not a good or a bad thing. It's not a solution, it's a clue.

But if your friend is running into situations where she has some hard yesses and nos that are causing issues with the partners she's meeting? If she has things specifically she wants to do and not do, I think she's going to have to be very upfront and open about that stuff. Some people are just not sexually compatible with each other. Like me and my clone. But some people also are sexually compatible even if it doesn't seem that way at first, they just need to find the overlap where that compatibility lives. Like me and my partner.

I guess this isn't really advice! I don't really feel qualified to give anybody advice? But basically it works out to, For Me, Personally, you gotta think it out and talk it out and try things and be willing to laugh it off and be like "nope! this is not it!" Focus in on the dynamics in your relationships that you do like and figure out why and figure out how to translate that into the way you think about sex and the way you actually have sex.

And also, and I know this is like a bad bisexual political look? but For Me, Personally, my relationship would not have lasted this long if I was not able to also have casual sex with women. (I lean very aromantic, i have zero interest in having multiple committed relationships, and my partner wouldn't be comfortable with that either because he is, For Himself, Personally, very monogamous. But he understands that sometimes I need things that have nothing to do with him and he accepts that.) Which anyway honestly I haven't really actually done in a long time, covid changed a lot of my behaviors, but I still know that I could if I really wanted to and I know that I will at some point when I want to bad enough. And that is important to me. personally. 🤷