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i really wish people would have more respect for triggers. i really want to make a post talking about it, because i've yet to see anyone really speak up for triggers like this and trying to spread awareness about this specific trigger, and someone should, right?

but just thinking about it is difficult and feels dangerous, and if i mention what the trigger specifically is (which is necessary for the post i want to make), i am practically asking for people to intentionally trigger me.

even just writing this feels like asking to be hurt. i keep asking myself if it's worth it if it makes just a few people change their behaviour, or just makes one person feel like they're not alone in it. i don't know if it is, but i wish someone would do it for me.

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tonight is gonna be a vibe we just got thai food, we spent way too much money on snacks and wine, we're about to get blazed, just got home from vacation with my beloved, What else could a man possibly need

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if you describe a transfem talking down to a transmasc about misogyny "mansplaining" i do not trust you to be normal about transfems in these discussions.

mansplaining is a specific phenomenon in which a man talks down to a woman about something she already understands- even though he does NOT have an equal amount of understanding. the assumption that he knows more is rooted in the misogynistic belief that women are inherently inferior, so by virtue of being a man, he must have more knowledge.

when you describe a transfem talking down to a transmasc about misogyny as "mansplaining" it carries the implication that she doesn't understand misogyny as well as us- usually because of our experiences being raised as girls.

this is literal terf shit. do not do this. it costs nothing to just say shes being condescending without descending into transmisogyny.

and i really shouldn't have to tell you to not use a loaded gendered term like "MANsplain" on a transfem but here we are i guess.

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remember not to force relationship stuff on them btw. sure it definitely Seems like they're dating, but until they say so, we can't know for sure

there might be a reason they don't explicitly say they're dating, iirc they live in a country with minimal acceptance for queer people (saw someone say it was recently decriminalised to be gay but marriage has been stated to only be between a man and a woman- but i'm not sure where they're from and have not fact checked this) so it might even be for safety reasons, Darshen also tags all their videos together as #bestie instead of any other relationship term.

i'm not saying nobody's allowed to say anything about it, especially since they do allow comments about it on their videos, just remember that there might be a reason they aren't publicly saying they're dating, and also that they might not be dating at all! it is possible to have very close relationships like this without dating

i personally have a friendship that is often assumed to be dating or at least has romantic feelings involved, but i'm aromantic and afaik he has no interest in me like that. even though it looks like we're dating it's still kind of annoying for people to constantly assume that one or both of us have romantic feelings for each other

Darshen is so me

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image transcripts (no video id, sorry)

tumblr tags that read: #crucial to me that you know that samuel has a wife and they are not dating darshen is just like #a small homosexual he had adopted in lieu of a child #lik

tiktok video with text that reads: He doesn't know it yet, but in 5 days, People all around the world will Find his wife and kids that he never knew existed.

comments on the tiktok:

Darshen: I thought you got married and didn't tell me [crying emoji]

Amanda Martinez: How would he have time for a wife and kids? Darshen is a full time job.

dr samuel, replying to Amanda: This is hilarious

Darshen is so me

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splitting is so funny because im taking it out on my pc and calling it a liar in a genuinely distressed way because. earlier it said i had an update and now it doesnt

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laying in my yard in the sun, watching a cat under a tree outside my fence (nvm it just left lol), listening to the birds

this Might be what life's about

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hmm i dont love the timeskip. i really wanna know what happened right after ep9, integrating and stuff like that after traveling for so long, and the relationship with joel and tommy cause we left it pretty tense i feel? it's just such a long timeskip u_u

also got a major spoiler when trying to look up the amount of episodes (for my watchlist tracking) and uhh just trying to pretend i didnt see that wahoo D:

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i wish someone could tell me what was real and what was illusion, or at least just help me see clearer.

i know my experiences. i don't know what they mean, what categories they fit in, where i might find answers to any of me.

people tend to hear my questions as fakeclaiming myself, but that's really not it. i don't think i'm lying, i do think i might be wrong, and that being wrong might be harmful to myself and others.

i want to know the truth about myself, myselves, and my experiences. i want to know what's real. but all i have is my own views and understandings, and i know them to be highly unreliable.

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becoming more aware of bpd behaviours and it's just like Wow i am lowkey very manipulative. never thought of myself like that before and it's not with malicious intent but. i do lowkey be manipulative

usually to gain information i think? i just always want to know whats going on

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everyone else in my system hates smart shuffle but i like it, i get new music without having to put in any info, why are y'all complaining?

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bpd is so fucking stupid cause im splitting on my fp so i hate him and i hope he dies and im having very vivid fantasies of physically harming him. but i also keep checking if hes texted me and hoping he will because i still need his attention to survive even though i genuinely hate him right now

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Dissociation seems to be interfering with my ability to one of my hobbies, which is jigsaw puzzles. I am struggling to focus to the point of incorrectly sorting the pieces. Holding onto the "front" is difficult as various minor triggers occur, while I simply want to work on my jigsaw puzzle. This is most distressing.

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tumblr possibly dying for real this time just feels like another sign i should kill myself

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wonder why i forgot to do this. dont want to have fps and part of having an fp is telling them everything, basically like a blog? so i thought a way to avoid it would be to...actually have a blog. but at some point i forgot. but i guess i'll try to remember more

i dont really know what to say. life sucks i want to die i wish i wasnt alone etc etc

it's just not the same

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i occasionally lurk fdc and systemscringe, mostly as a form of selfharm (remember that discourse?)

i saw a post about polyminds / polymindence (?i think thats the term¿), and a lot of comments were against it because any form of being-more-than-one is exclusive to CDDs. they were aware polyminds do everything they can to make it clear they don't have a CDD, and as i understand it, they even make it clear they aren't actually any kind of multiple, that it's just their perception. and they were still against that! they really were just like "you are not allowed to think of yourself this way or in any way similar to it"

and i just think that's. funny? like... why are they policing someone's understanding of themselves. they very clearly think CDDs are unbelievably rare (oftentimes they don't even think they're real!) and have very strict criteria and presentations (which often doesn't line up with any actual diagnostic criteria...), and yet also think experiencing oneselves as non-singular is exclusive to them, so anyone claiming it is either a faker or schizo...

i don't really know what the point of this post is. just lol at them trying to police how people internally view themselves. as if it isn't relatively common for people to say "we" about themselves in their thoughts, as if there are any symptoms exclusive to one disorder, as if we are anywhere near having a conplete understanding of how brains work.