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My Hijab, My Choice

The term “hijab” has recently attracted a lot of controversy because of various instances of discrimination making news in the US and other countries.

In spite of many discussions of what hijab is and what it is not, the headscarf still unfortunately remains one of the most misunderstood and misrepresented article of clothing in the world.

For some, it is a symbol of oppression, suppression of human rights or merely a cage of sorts that robs a person of her identity, her individuality. For me, it is anything but that.

Contrary to what one might believe, hijab is actually a means of expression, a representation of my Muslim identity, my beliefs and my values. It is something that allows me to set myself apart in a crowded room, to boldly flaunt my ideals instead of my body and to accept myself for who I am without any societal pressure to conform.

My religion is a huge part of my identity and adorning the hijab allows me to embrace it while at the same time proclaim it to the rest of the world.

Think about how everyone has a unique fashion style that lends them their individualistic characteristics. We can tell a lot about a person from the way they dress. A more formal style of dress can indicate a sophisticated personality, while dressing casually can tell us that person either prefers comfort over trend, or perhaps is just too lazy to put any effort into their wardrobe.

The way we adorn ourselves is completely up to us and our personal preferences. Some even go to the length of permanently altering their bodies in the form of tattoos or piercings just to set themselves apart.

All of this really makes me wonder why one headscarf can be so deplorable that it would require state intervention or the emergence of self-proclaimed heroes who take it upon themselves to personally free us from the so-called oppression by tearing off our hijabs. Do they not realize that by doing so, they are doing the exact same thing they claim to be saving us from: oppression?

Just because I do not conform to a society’s pre-defined dress code does not make me any less of a member of it. I can still participate equally in all of its aspects; what I wear is merely a choice, as simple as someone choosing to wear a black dress or silver necklace, or even a pair of slippers.

Doesn’t it sound ridiculous to ban people from wearing black or walking around places in their favourite jewellery? Then why isn’t it the same for the hijab?

How one single piece of clothing has shaken up ideals of freedom, expression and independence sometimes baffles me. My hijab actually sets me free from a lot of pressures that I would otherwise be subjected to.

I don’t have bad hair days, and I don’t obsess over the way I look. While I must admit I still want to and do dress well, the hijab allows me a certain level of modesty that lets me express my own unique fashion style without falling prey to all the latest trends and fads.

All in all, my hijab is not something that silences me; putting it on does not erase my voice, but actually allows me to express myself in a visual way that conforms with my values and principles.

As I go on with my life, accepting and embracing with full vigor the diversity around me, I hope that I too am accepted with the same warmth and understanding as others, and that people do realize that by banning my hijab, they are not doing me any favors, but are doing the exact opposite: taking away my choice and my freedom.

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Pashionistas At Work: Creator of Short Film Ace and Anxious

“The more diversity you have behind the camera, the more diversity you have in front of it.” Bri Castellini

Bri Castellini may just seem like another young, recent college graduate at first sight, but the woman already has 3 web series and a short film under her belt. 

She decided in undergrad that she wanted to be a filmmaker, and never hesitated to get her own foot in the door.

Meet the ambitious and talented Writer and Director of a new short film, Ace and Anxious.

1. What developed your passion for film and creating stories?

“I've been a writer since I was five years old, after I had to stay home sick from school and my dad gave me a notebook and pen to keep me entertained while we were running errands.

“I wrote my first story in the waiting room of a car dealership, and was addicted from then on. My passion for film came later, while finishing my BA in Creative Writing where I focused on prose. 

“I'd listened to a podcast about TV writing and on a whim, without ever having taken a screenwriting class, [and] applied to a master's program in Writing and Producing for Television in Brooklyn. 

“I got in and moved to New York City from Oregon less than a month after graduating from undergrad. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I knew that screenwriting felt more natural than prose ever had (I love dialog and hate describing settings). 

“My first year in grad school, we had to write and produce a web series pilot for our Digital Media class, my first foray into independent film, and it was an experience even more addicting than writing. 

“Since 2015, I've written and produced two seasons of my web series, Brains, two extended universe projects in the world of Brains, my short film Ace and Anxious, and produced several web series written and directed by friends of mine in the indie world, including the shows Relativity and Stray.”

2. Tell us about your short film, Ace and Anxious. 

“Ace and Anxious is about a young asexual woman (Emma) with generalized anxiety disorder who does some research and discovers that sex has stress- and anxiety-relieving benefits that she's never been able to experience. 

“With the costs of her therapy and medication weighing her down, she decides to post an ad for ‘free sex’ on Craigslist to see if there's a cheaper way to ‘fix’ her anxiety and panic attacks. 

“Hilarity ensues as we go back and forth between Emma's therapy sessions and her potential sex partner interviews.” 

3. How did the idea for Ace and Anxious come about?

“I've been wanting to write a project with an asexual lead for a while, as I'm asexual myself, and the idea of an asexual woman with anxiety wanting to try sex as a scientific experiment to relieve stress was really funny to me. 

“I'm also incredibly anxious and have dealt with panic attacks for a long time, so the idea of finding a cheap way to deal with those that didn't involve therapy or medication is an appealing one. 

“Mostly, though, I wanted to write a project that dealt with how frustrating it is to have an incurable mental health ailment, which most are. People with anxiety and depression don't ever get ‘cured,’ they just learn to manage their symptoms better, and for type-A people like myself and the character in Ace and Anxious, that's intensely frustrating. We like having control.

“Plus, I've never seen a film with an asexual lead character, and I've only seen a few films and shows with characters openly dealing with mental health issues, so I wanted to give a voice to these underrepresented groups. 

“Being able to see yourself in media is incredibly important, so I wrote a film that I wish I could have watched when I was coming of age.”

4. What has it been like being the writer and director of your own work, and seeing it all come together? 

“There is nothing more satisfying than watching the final product of something that started as a thought experiment: ‘What would happen if an asexual woman posted an ad for sex on Craigslist because she wanted a cheap cure for her anxiety?’ 

“I have always loved writing, but filmmaking adds a collaborative element that I can't get enough of. I love making shot lists and watching brilliant actors like Dana Shiree, Colin Hinckley, and Rachel Casparian [Emma, Kevin, and Jenny, respectively] bring words I'd only ever heard in my head into the real world. 

“I loved collaborating with my [Director of Photography] Brandon Smalls on visual gags and camera moves, and I loved being the general of a small artistic army as our tiny crew made this film. 

“I'm very lucky to have worked with such talented people who also happen to be my close friends, and I never want to stop.” 5. As a woman in a male-dominated industry, how does it feel being recognized and awarded for your work?

“It feels incredible. I keep a note on my phone that lists the percentages of women in the film industry so that I never forget what a massive uphill battle I've got ahead of me. 

“My goal is to raise those numbers so that more women in the future can tell their stories and follow their passions. The awards are nice, and allow me to send out press releases calling myself an award-winning filmmaker, but mostly I'm just thrilled that people are watching and enjoying my work.

“The internet can feel like a void, so the fact that anyone at all has seen my film is insane to me, let alone that festivals are interested in giving me an award.”

6. Why do you think it’s so important for more women to pursue work in the film industry?

“Media reflects culture and tells culture what is important, so when you only see stories from certain points of view, culture as a whole unconsciously places more value on those kinds of people. I don't want to live in a world where only one or two kinds of people are viewed as important enough to tell stories about, or to listen to at all. 

“Media also tells culture what kinds of options people have. If young women and girls (especially young women and girls of color or of the LGBT+ community) don't see themselves on screen in leadership roles, or in STEM jobs, or as main characters, how are they supposed to know they're allowed in those spaces? 

“If culture doesn't value them enough to give them a voice in media, how are they expected to value themselves?” 7. Do you think stories are better when more women are behind them?

“Stories are absolutely better with women involved, partially because of my answer to the last question, and partially because it's been proven that the more diversity you have behind the camera, the more diversity you have in front of it.

“When stories are put together by a single perspective, you end up making the same things over and over again, often reinforcing negative stereotypes through ignorance, absentia, or, worst of all, actual malice. That's not good, nor is it very interesting.” 8. What advice can you give to women who want to create independent work, like a web series or short film?

“My advice: start now, and never stop. There's always a reason to wait, to not make something, to wait until you have more resources, but the best way to get your start is to actually start. Don't ask for permission, don't wait until everything is perfectly in place, just do it.” 9. What is the best advice you've ever gotten from a woman?

“I think the best advice I've ever gotten was a few months ago, from Julie Harris-Walker, who hosts the podcast, The Other 50% - Herstory of Hollywood. 

“She asked me what my big dream was in filmmaking, and initially I answered that I just wanted to make a living making films. As long as I can pay my rent, my student loans, and still make films and web series, I was satisfied. 

“Julie's advice upon hearing that answer was ‘dream bigger.’ She was absolutely right. I wish more people told each other to dream bigger.” 10. Where can readers find updates on Ace and Anxious, as well as all of your work?

“You can find updates from Ace and Anxious on the Undead Burrito Productions Twitter or Facebook page, which is also where you can get updates on other things I'm working on. You can also find me tweeting approximately 24 hours a day, or check my website for my creative and professional goings-on.”

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Marie’s Crisis in NYC: LGBT Bar Review

Marie’s Crisis is a charming little bar located at 59 Grove St, New York, NY. The ceiling is lined with Christmas lights, creating a rainbow flag – and the drinks are cheap! 

Different pianists come in every night to play, and everyone sings Broadway show tunes. 

Marie's Crisis was featured in Season 3 of TV Land's Younger.

“It's such an open and loving environment,” my friend Meg Rosenberg said, the person who brought me to Marie’s Crisis my first time. “As someone who loves musical theater, this bar is a dream come true. The piano players are truly incredible; they can play anything and they're so funny. Even if you don't know the words to the song that's being played, you're welcomed as a newbie and you can't help but have a smile from the minute you walk in to the minute you leave. 

“It doesn't matter if you've sung on Broadway or if you've never sung in your life. Marie's Crisis can do no wrong in making you feel like you belong there.” 

I personally didn’t know a lot of the show tunes that everyone was singing, but I felt extremely comfortable, nonetheless. The atmosphere is fun and the drinks were only about $6 each, so I kept going back for more. 

I highly recommend this bar for anyone. Whether you’re LGBT or an ally, or a Broadway show lover, the bar is fun for everyone!

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Why Wonder Woman’s Praise This Year Proves We Have Work To Do

Since 1941, Wonder Woman has graced comic book covers with her picturesque figure and unmatched athleticism. For many women, she was the pinnacle of feminism: the long awaited superhero destined to demolish the nation’s rigid gender norms. 

Fulfilling that role meant that women were not just as capable, strong, and badass as any other, but could do it all while still demonstrating beauty and poise—a theory unfamiliar to 20th century Americans. 

This year’s adaptation evoked paralleling sentiments. Women and men across the country—and even the globe—were ecstatic to witness Wonder Woman on the big screen, once again. 

With their support, the film has grossed a staggering $800.5 million worldwide. As a harsh critic of the entertainment industry, I was surprised to encounter difficulty in the deconstruction of Wonder Woman’s debut; in fact, the film’s success is a primary factor in such an impediment. 

The very assets that make her a beloved comic book hero and feminist icon are the exact reasons why I feel skeptical in accepting the film at face value. It’s as if I’m committing a betrayal—as if I’m disregarding the validation of countless women and girls.

Who am I to erase the wonders of Wonder Woman? Well, maybe it doesn’t have to amount to the total defamation of her character. Maybe it’s possible to acknowledge the positive impact of Wonder Woman’s tale without abandoning all radical praxis.

Or, maybe, acknowledging her spectacle is maintaining a revolutionary approach to feminism. 

First, let’s understand who Wonder Woman is. She originated in the Amazon, or so she was told. As she grew older, she learned of her super human ability, that of which allowed her to conquer even the greatest of foes. 

Though her story has been altered numerous times, the directors of the latest release chose to adhere to her original background—a problematic tale, in and of itself. 

The cohort of women she is modeled after were located to the north and west of the Mediterranean Sea—as depicted by scholars of ancient Greece—but the first recollection of their existence was documented in Homer’s Iliad. 

These women were considered immortal and extremely powerful, as Wonder Woman’s story depicts. However, unlike the comic book tales, these women were often regarded as men—with tattoos and brawny physiques. 

Their vanquished enemies recollect a demeanor and stature resembling that of strong, male warriors. They also conquered, then mated with male foes, only raising the children that were born female. Not to mention, Amazon women were far from nurturing mothers, mutilating or completely killing their male children. 

So why is it that we falsely recognize these fierce warriors as saviors of men, women that fled humanity due to the fear of such men, but humbly return to deliver them salvation? 

This is because mainstream media’s adaptation of the Amazons has fabricated an image of feminine beauties that fought with grace rather than savagery. Wonder Woman’s resemblance to such femininity reflects the heteronormative reality of western society. 

Her sheer strength and agility continue to fall second to her allure—in fact, her success as a character has little to do with ability alone, rather the awe of her beauty coupled with her abnormal potential was the determining factor in the story’s profitability. 

We call this kind of perspective “fetishization”: men wanting gorgeous women with an incomparable strength that can only be tamed by their male counterparts. 

The women and girls that admired Wonder Woman’s character during her initial debut were strapped by patriarchal views of womanhood; for them, she was the personification of all they desired to be, all they could be—and the fact that women continue to feel the same admiration proves that our society’s norms have remained relatively stagnant. 

We should be encouraging our girls to admire awkward, outspoken, queer women. Women with rolls and cankles. Women with short hair and butch style. Women of color. Not the outdated archetype that we’ve witnessed on countless occasions. 

So, yes, Wonder Woman is extremely important... but, not for the reasons we are led to believe. She is a reminder that we still have much growing to do, and at a much faster pace.

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4 Dos and Don’ts for Supporting your Gay Teenager

You've seen LGBT celebrities and couples celebrated across the media, and gay struggles becoming a central concern for government and schools alike. 

Maybe it seemed as if the developed world had moved past its mistrust and exclusion of the gay community, or maybe you just never gave it much thought. That is, until you heard your own child come out to you, and suddenly the world became a much different place. 

While it’s true that in the last decade the LGBT movement has made great strides in gaining mainstream acceptance, reality for a gay teenager just coming out can still be just as strange and intimidating as ever. 

Studies show that 40% of teenage boys in Australia still feel “anxious or uncomfortable” around gay people, while 6 in 10 have witnessed sexuality-based bullying first-hand.

So how is a loving parent supposed to support and protect their child through the potential difficulties he or she might face? We’ve compiled a handy guide to help you. 

Give Them Love and Acceptance 

The decision to reveal a side of them that might be confusing and even embarrassing is a giant step for any child to make. While some misgivings and prejudices are normal, you need to sort these out on your own time. 

Right now, it’s important that your child feels as if you value them and care for them the exact same way as before. Acknowledge the courage your teenager showed in opening up to you, and understand that by talking to you about this issue, they are putting a great deal of trust in your hands. It’s your job not to break this trust. 

Educate Yourself 

If you don’t have much experience with homosexuality, it’s especially important that you open yourself up to understanding. Ask your teenager respectfully about their experiences with coming out and being gay.

Ask them how they feel about gay culture and its acceptance in society. Ask your child if there’s any websites or books they’d like you to read, in order to understand their perspective better. 

Speak to other gay people you might have some contact with. Try visiting websites specifically geared towards better understanding gay children and culture, such as minus18.org.au and emen8.com.au. 

There are also many books that focus on helping parents better understand their gay children that you can check out, such as Robert Bernstein’s “Straight Parents, Gay Children: Keeping Families Together.” 

Seek Help 

Don’t ignore your own feelings in a bid to present a calm front. It’s important that you seek out the support of trustworthy friends and family who are open-minded and accepting of gay issues. 

A reliable shoulder to lean on that can provide much-neededsaf  perspective is an invaluable tool. If you’re able, find a therapist or counselor that has worked with LGBT individuals before, so that you can make use of their knowledge and specific tools. 

Talk about Safe Sex 

Part of educating yourself will involve understanding how gay people have sex, and the concerns and issues they face surrounding sexual intimacy. 

While it may be awkward for you and your teenager, it’s important that you let your child know that you’re willing to discuss sexual issues and concerns. 

Make sure your child is well-informed about safe sex practices, and issues of consent. By fostering an atmosphere of frank and open discussion, you can make sure that the next time your child faces an issue or has a concern, they come to you instead of trying to deal with it on their own. 

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Pashionistas At Work: “Abby and Tabby Alone in the Desert”

The Internet has sculpted modern entertainment in ways that were arguably unfathomable just fifteen years ago. (Who would have ever guessed you’d be able to make millions from reviewing makeup?!)

With the invention of YouTube, a database full of funny cat videos and kids making weird noises slowly evolved into an informational hub. And when the Internet birthed Vimeo, a place for filmmakers to share work amongst other professionals, both websites became the perfect locations for The Web Series to blossom in its own right. (This is science, people.)

The Internet also provided filmmakers with the simplest, yet hardest way to make money for their films: crowdfunding. Websites like Kickstarter, Indiegogo and Seed&Spark made way for independent filmmakers to create media greater than what their personal bank accounts could muster. 

And with the ability to upload trailers and promotions free of charge on the second busiest website in the history of websites, these creators can find confidence in knowing that success is positively in reach.

“Abby and Tabby Alone in the Desert” is a comedy feature film currently in production, after raising over $13,000 to fund it. Its creator, Jessica Martin, has produced two short films and has worked on television shows like Grimm, The Last Ship, Criminal Minds, and Z Nation. “Abby and Tabby” will be her first feature, of which she is the director, writer, and one of the main characters! She also runs her own blog focusing on articles for fellow actors and filmmakers.

Pashionistas: What developed your passion for film and creating stories? Jessica Martin: I have always been in love with movies. I was in kindergarten when I knew I wanted to be an actor. I didn't quite understand what it was, but I knew that's what I was going to do with my life. So it's been a life-long love of show business. It wasn't until more recently that I started to actually make my own work. And even more recently that I sharpened my focus on female-centric work. It's a watershed moment in the entertainment industry, and we need as many female voices as possible.

P: Tell us about your feature film, “Abby and Tabby Alone in the Desert.”

JM: Yes! We're pitching it as a modern day Thelma and Louise... with aliens... and it's a comedy. The dialogue will be improvised, but we are working off of a very structured outline.

P: What can people expect from the film?

JM: Hopefully a lot of laughs! Though it is a comedy, we are tackling some bigger issues. Abby is escaping her abusive husband, and Tabby is escaping her abusive cult. They are complete strangers when they meet at the beginning of the film, but they quickly become friends and allies. It's a film about the power of female friendship.

P: How did you develop the idea for “Abby and Tabby”?

JM: It was a very winding path to get to the final concept. Originally Ashley (who is playing Abby - I'm playing Tabby) and I were going to do a different project together, but that one didn't go through. So I took aspects of those characters and the themes and turned it into “Abby and Tabby.” It's been a while since I have done a comedy, so that was the final piece to add. I wanted to do something that is silly and a little weird, while still having a strong message.

P: Why do you feel it's important for more women to pursue work in the film industry? JM: We learn from what we see. The cinema has been one of (if not the) biggest force for change in the last hundred years. When women don't see themselves represented on screen, that's a problem. Or the only woman is the hot romantic conquest or another two-dimensional character - that's a problem.  Every woman I know is multi-dimensional, complex, and interesting. It's time we see those types of women on screen. And perhaps if we are used to seeing women as presidents, CEOs, and heroes on screen, we will see more of them in real life.

P: Do you think stories are better when more women are behind them? JM: Absolutely. And it has been statistically proven that when more women are on the writing staff, more women are seen on screen. So more women being involved is good news for other women. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of men, especially male allies, but having more women involved in all aspects of the filmmaking process brings in fresh perspectives and creates a more well-rounded outcome.

P: What advice can you give to women who want to create independent work, like a film? JM: Just get out there and make it. I think women are so used to being overlooked, that we forget that we can give ourselves permission to get out there and make our own content. If you're not sure where to start, ask other women. 

Every women I have met in this industry would jump at the chance to help another lady. And I love the saying, “you don't know how to make the film until you've made the film.” It's so true. Making anything, be it a film, web series, or play, is trial by fire. The whole thing is a big learning process (with a sharp learning curve). Don't beat yourself up. Be open to new experiences and share your story with the world.

P: What is the best advice you've ever gotten from a woman? JM: That's a tough one, and there's a lot of things I could say. The one that stands out to me at the moment was when I told a friend about an idea I had for a play. She said, “That's interesting, but tell me about you. Why does this matter to you?” 

Why we do something is so much more important, and more interesting, than what we do. It's easy to think that we're not interesting or people wouldn't care, but that's exactly what people respond to.

P: Where can readers find updates on “Abby and Tabby Alone in the Desert”?

JM: The best way to stay updated on all of our happenings is to follow us on Seed&Spark. It's totally free and you get updates sent straight to your inbox! We're also on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

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5 Types of Interracial Couples and How They Deal

Interracial dating is an increasingly common choice in today’s society, especially in multicultural communities where inclusion and cultural difference are celebrated.

However, it could still present somewhat of a challenge for a multicultural couple to deal with different backgrounds, religions, opinions and traditions and fuse them somehow, in order to form a new family unit with which to face the world.

Here are just some of the ways couples do it:

1. The Rebellious Interracial Couple

This is the Romeo and Juliet of couples; both go against the expectations of their respective cultures or families and never look back. They have eyes only for each other and anyone who doesn’t like it doesn’t matter. 

They have no fear. They surround themselves with supportive friends and enjoy life the way they want to. They are not afraid to defend their relationship with the world.

2. The Scared Interracial Couple

This is the couple that kept it really quiet when they started dating and even a few years down the line, avoiding PDA at every turn. Outside perception matters a lot to them and they prefer to avoid causing offense rather than take the risk of drawing unwanted attention to themselves. They almost expect rude comments and hatred and feel the need to politely explain their relationship.

3. The ‘Best of Both Worlds’ Couple

This is the couple that has both the traditional Nigerian wedding and the white wedding in the Highlands with the groomsmen informal Kilts and Sporrans; where each of them is poles apart culturally and maintains those differences, yet they just seem to click and throw it all into the melting pot.

Their children and friends get the best of both worlds because this couple compromises on nothing. They have it all. They enjoy each other’s backgrounds and yet fully embrace their own.

4. The Re-cultured Couple

This interracial couple shares the same views, tastes, and outlooks on life. Each person is perhaps influenced less by their respective background and has taken on the culture of the place where they live. This is their common ground and the one that affects them the most as individual people. 

They are influenced by life as they find it, not on how their parents or grandparents have taught them that it is. This is the couple that decides for themselves what is important to them and does it their own way.

5. The Awkward Couple

This is the couple that in public just does not make sense. They maintain their cultural differences only when amongst their own friends and families, and this becomes uncomfortable when they are together as a couple. 

He is withdrawn and looks irritated when they are with her family and she rolls her eyes when they are with his. They have no interest in each other’s cultures or backgrounds but have enough in common to get along perfectly fine on their own, at least for a period of time. These issues can place wear and tear on a relationship and lead to many arguments and differences further down the road. Read more articles like this at Love Is All Colors.

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Pashionistas at Work: Jessica Yeh’s LGBT Novel, ‘Something Tragic’

With discussions about the Bury Your Gays trope seeping into mainstream media, it’s obvious that positive LGBT representation has always been few and far between. 

However, it seems the tides are finally changing with a wave of LGBT writers and artists who are trying to make their voices heard. One of those writers is Jessica Yeh, who has recently decided to turn a Tumblr fan-favorite work of hers into a novel called, Something Tragic.

Yeh, who works full time as a marketer for an electrical components company, has long seen writing as an escape and creative outlet. Sharing her experiences through fiction that could potentially help others is a passion from which she does not aim to exclusively profit. 

In fact, she has stated on her blog that she will be donating the excess proceeds to various LGBT charities, such as The Trevor Project, GLAAD, and the HRC.

It is crucial to support LGBT writers in their efforts to create authentic media, especially in a time where so many straight cis writers pat themselves on the back for writing flat or unrealistic LGBT characters for the sake of representation.

Helping LGBT writers succeed in telling their stories not only gives us more and better representation, but it also shows mainstream media that just because the stories are inherently queer, doesn’t mean they are too “out there” and can’t do well. 

In order to actually get her book published, Yeh has to meet a minimum of 250 pre-orders by May 7. She is calling on the LGBT community and its allies to help turn this dream into reality!

Pashionistas: Can you give us a quick summary of the novel?

Jessica Yeh: Sure! The book follows Addison Warren, who, after her parents passed away, moves in with her uncles and is starting at a brand new school where she forms an unlikely friendship with one of the most popular girls there, Crisa Grayson. Crisa is the constant subject of hallway gossip, and at first, it seems as though Addie and Crisa have nothing in common. But as Addison starts to peel back the different layers of the girl, she starts to realize that they aren't that different after all. In fact, while one girl appears to have nothing, she actually has everything the other needs. Feelings soon develop between the two, but it's hard to love someone when you don't know how to love yourself first.

P: What inspired you to write Something Tragic?

JY: A lot of things, really. First, there's a huge lack of LGBT representation in today's media. But we're working on it. Second, the LGBTQ+ community needs to know that they are equals in society. That it's okay to—and they should—embrace who they are. It's always easier said than done. Which is why I didn't sugarcoat anything in the novel. I wanted to stay true to them and their experiences so that they know they aren't alone in this. And finally, it's kind of my own way of coming out. I've never really shared my sexuality with the exception of to few close friends. But this is my way of really telling the community that I'm here. I'm with them. And our love does not have to be "something tragic."

P: You've already given away that the ending would be a happy one on social media. Why did you feel the need to do that?

JY: Well, the title can be a bit misleading. So I wanted to assure the audience that they'd get a real ending, but it’s not really your cliche, “and they lived happily ever after in a house with a white picket fence and 2 1/2 kids.”

P: Positive LGBT representation in media is very important, but is something that is lacking. What would it mean to you to be able to get your story out there and potentially make a difference within the community?

JY: It would be amazing! Even if it's just one person, that's one life that I'm hopefully able to change for the better. When I was growing up in high school, the negativity surrounding being LGBT was overwhelming. People were bullies, homophobic, judgmental, and just plain mean. A lot of LGBT teens are terrified to embrace who they are or ashamed because of what society deems should be “normal.” Even worse, some of them are so lost and scared that they contemplate suicide. That is not okay. No one should ever feel that their love is wrong.

P: If you could give one piece of advice to LGBT teens who are struggling with their sexuality, what would it be?

JY: It’s going to sound like such a cliche, but it's true. And it takes time to truly believe it but my advice is this: Loving someone, caring for them, supporting them... those are the essential parts to being human. And at the end of the day, we're all just humans. It shouldn't matter what gender is involved or what label someone tries to categorize you under. You are your own person. Your feelings are valid and there is nothing wrong with them. You deserve happiness. Offer yourself that. Repeat this to yourself in the mirror: Love is love. And that's a beautiful thing. (One day, you'll believe it.)

P: What about aspiring LGBT writers?

JY: Keep going! Putting yourself out there is terrifying. And even if you aren't sure of exactly what you're doing at times, keep pushing forward. It will be worth it.This is something greater than just your novel. This is a way to make a difference and positively support the community. So keep doing what you're doing and never lose sight of yourself or your dreams as you do.

For those of you who would like to support the publication of Something Tragic, you can do so here. The novel needs 250 pre-orders by May 7 to reach the next step in the publishing process. (It’s currently #1 in the young adult section of Publishizer!)

[gopashionistas-blog]

Atlanta’s Interstate-85 Collapse Shows How Large Cities Treat Their Homeless

A few weeks ago, Atlanta's Interstate-85 collapsed, bursting into flames. Countless stories circulated the media, all sources scrambling for the most accurate answer. Was it a premeditated attack? An overlooked flaw during construction? Whatever it was, there was surely some significant damage. 

For the next few days following the collapse, the city was left to ponder a myriad of different possibilities.  

It was not until earlier this week that the public received an official answer. City officials speculated that the blaze was a result of one individual's negligence, Basil Eleby. Eleby, an Atlantan living without shelter, was confirmed to be smoking crack cocaine prior to the fire's outbreak. 

His two counterparts, Sophia Bruner and Barry Thomas, were also held accountable, but with lesser sentences; Eleby faces state level charges for arson, trespassing and criminal damage to property—whereas Bruner and Thomas have only been pinned with misdemeanor criminal-trespassing citations. Reasons given for such a drastic difference in sentencing is due to one witness statement, claiming that Eleby had set a chair ablaze—which is thought to be the sole catalyst for the inferno. However, the defendant recalls leaving before the fire commenced.

Though we can all admit that it feels comforting to be given answers, we must always challenge the validity of our sources. How do we know this is what really happened? Since when has a burning chair been capable of demolishing concrete? And, is Eleby just a scapegoat for Atlanta's flawed infrastructure?

Such an inquiry might not seem necessary to many. However, the city of Atlanta has made a sport out of mistreating its impoverished populations.

Consider the 1996 Summer Olympics. During this time, Atlanta displaced thousands of low-income residents, making way for new and expensive development; many of these former homeowners are now shelterless. 

What might come as even more of a surprise is the city's aggressive attempts to further marginalize the already-shelterless population. Before the Olympics even began, Atlanta issued over 9,000 arrest citations to those living on the streets. But the debauchery did not stop there.

Since 2012, 95% of Atlanta's apartment development has been considered luxury. Those living without shelter can now hardly afford to even consider a change in lifestyle. 

This reality has also caused some serious problems for those who once had no problem affording their homes; now, more than 53% of these people must allocate 30% of their income to housing. Atlanta is deliberately pushing these people out—a population we know is predominantly black. On top of that, Atlanta is ranked number one in the country for income inequality and immobility. See a pattern here?

Though it is almost obvious to assume that race had some kind of implication on the ruling—considering both Bruner and Thomas are white, and Eleby is black—the impact of modern-day capitalism is less recognizable. 

But I urge you, do not be fooled; Atlanta, like so many of its counterparts, is a corrupt city. Its current leadership will stop at nothing to assure capitalist gain, even at the expense of its life-long residents. 

Imagine the devastation the city would face if word got out that one of its most convenient bridges collapsed due to poor planning and misused funds. Instead of blaming those victimized by the city, consider the city's part in misleading all of its residents. 

I refuse to believe that a lawn chair caused such immense destruction, and you should too.

[gopashionistas-blog]

Why As Young Women We Must Not Silence Our Inner Voice

Our culture is a difficult one. Being young women, we can be so susceptible to influence from all these voices saying what we can and cannot do, what we should and should not be, what we mean and do not mean. 

Developing a self-image for many young women usually becomes a cloudy confusion because of all the rules and regulations that we are told are “just the way it is.” 

And, in our hearts and minds, we notice something about such rules that speaks loudly over those voices. We think, “If I'm not happy with these things, why should this be the way it ‘just is’?” 

We watch the way of the world and feel an emptiness of self. We watch these standards thrown our way and can only think of this solitary place inside of us screaming to be released, loved, and recognized.

Yet, so often, with all these constant influences, many women repress their true voice in hopes of escaping criticism, embarrassment, and victimization. This is a sad truth we see all the time. 

We feel so much hurt and self-doubt that many women, without blame, choose to conform and numb the voice inside. They decide to convince themselves that they are willing to try on different masks in order to get people off their backs, even if it’s just temporary. It's one pain over another.

I was one of these young women who had decided that even though it was a hard pill to swallow, conforming was worth avoiding the possible pain that standing out against the majority, vulnerable and alone, would essentially make me feel. 

In middle school, I would even go to extremes to punish myself in certain ways because I didn't fit inside the box that was acceptable. I thought that because of the person I was and what I looked like, I was only capable of achieving a certain amount of love and respect, and so I felt that I could only love myself a certain amount.

Years later, after several breakdowns and breakthroughs, inspiring women and education, I now speak up against suppression at all volumes. I'm most excited to share that I even recently took a stand in a class of mine at the college I attend.

I have a male professor that I look up to and although I thoroughly enjoy his class, he began to make a habit of making “jokes” about how “emotional” females can be. At first, it hurt me deeply. I’d expected that the person I thought to be such an educated man would aid me in becoming a stronger woman, not a more insecure one.

After class one day, I was walking with two of my classmates when I asked them if what he had been saying bothered them, too. To my surprise, they knew immediately what I was referring to. They also had been hurt and disappointed by his comments. 

This only made me angry. How could all of us be so affected by what he was saying, yet none of us were actually saying anything about it? Then, my friend told me something really profound.

She started explaining that every once in a while we will have people who, like my professor in this instance, will step on our toes. Even though it hurts us, we think that we shouldn't say anything because we don't want to seem humorless, overly sensitive, argumentative, etc.

The problem is, once they step on our toes a little bit, they might elbow us, too. Then, once they elbow us and hurt us even more, we may still remain quiet, only for the pain to keep intensifying.

I decided that what my professor had done was step on our toes. I also decided that I was not going to let him try to elbow us, too. I went out of my way to confront him about these issues and let him know the discomfort he had caused. I took a stand. I listened to that screaming inner voice and honored her.

Because of this, I want to encourage all women to look at the ways in which we are pushed and stepped on, and, most importantly, just go and say something. Choose your inner voice. Decide for yourself and for your fellow women that enough is enough.

Developing the connection between our inner voice and our outer voice empowers us. It's what makes us feel loved by our own self.

So, take a look at the culture, take a look into the facts, and then when you have opportunities to make that connection, by all means, take that opportunity.

I wish you luck and love in all of your pursuits.

[gopashionistas-blog]

Why Trans-Women Should Be Recognized as ‘Real Women’

As young feminists, we often refer to Western theorists and writers to provide us with explanations for our struggles. We'll reference women like Audre Lorde and Gloria Steinhem to help solidify our political views and validate our experiences. 

But now, with social media strengthening relationships throughout the globe, many of us have embraced a new and unregulated exchange of knowledge; we have begun expanding our feminism to a transnational level.  

Our contemporary leaders now reflect some of the intersections of womanhood, and thus provide a platform to reject traditionally hegemonic ways of thinking.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is but one of the many modern feminists whose politics are framed in contrast to the Western world—but she has become one of the most well known of her time.

As an acclaimed author and theorist, Adichie's work involves dismantling gender inequality and providing feminism with a non-Eurocentric lens. Because of her counter-ideological beliefs, she has been featured on numerous TED Talks and nationally broadcast interviews.  

Her most recent interview with U.K.'s Channel 4 should have gone off without a hitch—but since the segment aired, Adichie has come under intense scrutiny.

As a well-known public figure, Adichie can expect a certain amount of backlash when sharing her opinions; however, her opinion on trans-women may have cost her a career.

When asked if trans-women were “real women” due to—and I quote—“[growing up] enjoying the privileges of being a man,” Adichie responded with little hesitation. She claimed that trans-women were, well, trans-women—that is to say, trans-womanhood is different from cis-womanhood. 

Let's be clear, though: her language was far less eloquent than I've put it here. By neglecting to acknowledge trans-women as “real women,” Adichie unassumingly regurgitated the Western misogyny and transphobia she fights so hard to counteract. However, I think her perspective is worth contemplation.

But first, we have to eradicate the idea that there's some sort of qualification for “real women.” All of our experiences and privileges vary from that of the next and are often dependent on the intricate relationships between so many different variables, like culture, religion, society, economy, politics, etc. 

What's interesting is that this is exactly what Adichie is eluding to in her interview. By saying that trans-women have a different experience than cis-women, Adichie is providing a great favor to those that are often compiled within the same category as familiar others—by this, I mean others that have similar characteristics. 

This compilation becomes problematic when the varying issues affecting these women are overlooked and instead lumped under one overarching disparity; ignoring these nuances allows for only some women to gain liberation, while others still continue to endure unaddressed problems.  

From this perspective, I think it's important that Adichie makes such a distinction; she makes similar conclusions when addressing the differences between cultural groups in Nigeria.

However, by denying trans-women the title of “real women,” Adichie is doing a great disservice to feminism. Her current attempts to defend herself have criticized the understanding of gender altogether. 

She claims that because gender is socially constructed, it should be used to describe how our world treats us rather than how we view ourselves—therefore, trans-womanhood would be its own gender category altogether. 

What I find troubling about Adichie's defense is that she's completely ignoring the trans-women that may have been raised as women. By assuming all trans-women basked in the privileges of manhood during adolescence, she is erasing an entire part of the trans-identifying community. 

Though we could contemplate her views forever, what's most relevant to acknowledge here is the importance of language and representation.

Yes, trans women should be recognized for their individual plights—but, they should also undoubtedly be recognized as real women.

[gopashionistas-blog]

A Look Back on International Women’s Day and Snapchat’s Filters

First celebrated in 1909, International Women's Day commemorates global movements that center women's rights; it calls attention to the experiences, plights, and triumphs of women all over the world. Unfortunately, like so many other good things in our world, this celebration is often co-opted for capitalist gain. 

Though we want to believe that all those in observance are "woke," we must consider how capitalism plays a role in diluting the message we aim to teach—and Snapchat... well, it was probably this year's worst offender.

Now, I know Snapchat is relatively progressive compared to many of its counterparts; it features feminist stories and promotes equality—primarily through the inclusion of those typically underrepresented. However, Snapchat dropped the ball this time.

On the day of the celebration, the app featured three women as an attempt to showcase women's achievements throughout history. Users were able to apply a filter that represented one of these revered women, but options were limited to Rosa Parks, Frida Khalo, and Marie Curie.

Let's just begin by acknowledging how cliche these choices were. Amongst maybe a handful of other women, these three are the women most recognized as feminist pioneers. Instead of including women like Zora Neale Hurston, Ada Lovelace, or Angela Davis, Snapchat played it safe by featuring the only women ever mentioned in our schools’ textbooks.  

Not to mention, these women are all deceased. Though it's crucial to acknowledge our ancestors’ contributions, we neglect those who still remain with us—those who made canonical contributions during the civil rights era and still continue to fight today. 

What a shame, Snapchat. We expected more of you. But that's not even the worst part of it all.

The caricatures used features that resembled each individual woman. Frida Khalo was draped in red and embellished with eclectic jewelry; her signature uni-brow also made a debut. Rosa Parks wore glasses and a scarf that covered her graying hair. Marie Curie was surrounded by test tubes, her face accented with smudges of black. However, unlike the former filters, Marie's was barely discernible.

The only other features given to the caricature were eyelashes and a light layer of beautifying makeup. The app completely disregarded the style of her hair, one she wore in almost every photograph, or the depressions (and mole) on her face—which we know they've done for many other filters.

There are a few problems with this representation of Marie Curie. First, it insinuates that white womanhood is the standard of all womanhood. A lack of distinguishable features suggests that Marie doesn't need specification; she is just a woman, therefore simply adding eyelashes will suffice. 

This also evokes another perspective: that womanhood is directly associated with femininity. If you have seen Marie Curie, you'll notice she was not the most feminine presenting; she wore no makeup and didn't seem too preoccupied with her appearance. If this was the case, why present her in such a way? 

Additionally, Marie was the only woman surrounded by representations of her life's work, whereas the other women were reduced to merely their appearance. 

This point brings forth the last concern, which I found the most troubling: by defining women of color by their aesthetic value rather than their actual contributions, Snapchat was making a bold statement about access and attainability. What is being said is that the achievements of women of color are isolated incidents; their contributions are individual and even an anomaly. 

In contrast, the lack of distinct characteristics for Marie's filter suggests that anyone can achieve what she has. Users were encouraged to view themselves as comparable and able to individually achieve such accomplishments.

So, why do we blame capitalism? It's because capitalist entities will always "follow the hype" without any regard for further inquiry. Instead of celebrating International Women's Day by rethinking representations of women and appreciating their intersectionality, Snapchat simply regurgitated the prejudice ideologies of our dogmatic nation. 

You showed your true colors Snapchat, and for what? To appeal to more millennial women? To make us buy into your product? Well, you lost us.

[gopashionistas-blog]

The Advantages of Women Profilers in the FBI

In the famous 1991 film The Silence of the Lambs, FBI Trainee Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster), must rely on the help of cannibalistic serial killer Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins) to capture another serial killer known as Buffalo Bill (Ted Levine). 

In this film, Lector and Starling form an unusual partnership, with Lector showing her inside the mind of a serial killer, while also tormenting her with memories of her past. This does not faze Starling, though, as she is able to continue the case and even earn Lector’s respect.

Now, this sounds like a Hollywood tall tale, right? Well actually, it’s not.

A few weeks ago, I watched a series from the Smithsonian channel called, “The Real Story,” which explains the real origin behind some of the greatest blockbusters in history, and one episode was about this disturbing movie.

Silence of the Lambs is based on a book by the same name by Thomas Harris, first published in 1988. To really conduct his research, Harris attended meetings with real FBI profilers where they would discuss how to capture dangerous criminals, such as Ted Bundy and David Berkowitz. 

One idea that they began to test out was to interview captured serial killers and have them talk about the crimes they committed in order to get an understanding of the motives, tactics and psychological aspects that were involved. It seemed like an outlandish idea, but these criminals loved the fact that the spotlight was on them, which is typical narcissistic behavior.

However, even though they were getting great confessions, such as the idea that killers keep a “trophy” of their victims, the FBI knew that these killers were still holding back some information. 

One example is Gary Ridgeway, also known as “The Green River Killer.” He was captured and given a plea bargain, but he was described as a “pathological liar” by FBI profiler Mary Ellen O’Toole. She believed that the killers were more likely to confess to a woman because killers have this weird fascination with women, even though many of their victims are females. 

The FBI soon recruited O’Toole’s help to get more confessions from Ridgeway and, believe it or not, O’Toole’s theory turned out to be correct. Ridgeway, without too much hesitation, told O’Toole the number of victims he killed and where the bodies were kept. Officers managed to uncover 49 of them, identifying them as women who were reported missing around the time Ridgeway’s slayings took place.

So how did a woman manage to get a cold-hearted, narcissistic psychopath to confess to his crimes? I decided to pull a Thomas Harris myself and do my homework, but because I cannot go to the FBI in any way yet, I spoke to the head of criminal justice, two different psychology professors and their students at my college.

I asked the same question: Why do these killers confess more to a woman profiler and not a man profiler?

Although I received varying answers, one thing they all agreed on was that the presence of a woman is much more comforting for them. Men, for much of the time, give off an aggressive and judgmental vibe to these killers, making them less likely to talk. 

I noticed this when I watched Ridgeway with male enforcements; he was not talking at all, refusing to give up information. When O’Toole came by, though, his whole persona changed. He looked a bit more relaxed, and it almost looked as if he was talking to a friend or acquaintance.

Another answer I received was that many of these killers have mother issues in one way or another, such as their mother not being there when they were children or dealing with an abusive relationship with their mother. When they see this woman come in to talk to them, they see the motherly figure that they never had.

The final answer I received was that perhaps it was neither of these things. Maybe these killers feel more superior when confessing to a woman and believe they can be easier to manipulate into feeling bad for them, so that when they do confess, it’s usually a sob story about their life first, and then it’s information about the crimes they have committed. However, women in the profile field are trained to not let a killer get in their head, so in a sense, the women are using this tactic to their advantage.

What I have learned these past few days has disproved the idea that women have no place in the law enforcement field. In fact, they are more encouraged to join, for if they can get more information out like this, more cases can be solved and we can give victims the justice they deserve.

[gopashionistas-blog]

How Donald Trump's Detrimental Policies Are Affecting Those Most Marginalized

I'll have to admit, I was naive. When Donald Trump gained momentum within American constituencies, I believed such an occurrence would reveal our nation’s deeply embedded racist and sexist ideologies, subsequently galvanizing the masses to join the fight for liberation. 

Though this idea can still be realized, Trump is moving faster than we can acquire resources to effectively counteract. Just recently, he appointed a plethora of inexperienced and prejudicial leaders to powerful positions within the U.S. government, successfully evoking fear from all sects of the world in just a few short weeks.

Trump's unequivocal policies now shine a light on his intentions; however, he masks his claims with false promises of humanitarianism and altruistic intent. Realistically, Trump is waging war on the bodies of those most marginalized, as if the Western world hadn't already inflicted enough wounds.  

Women with intersectional identities are enduring the brunt of our nation's collapse. Women of color, queer woman, differently abled women, undocumented women, Muslim women and women in need of prenatal care are among the most immediate victims of Trump's authoritative reign.

Trump's first offense was appointing Mike Pence as his Vice President. As the former Governor of Indiana, Pence was known for his capitalist praxis. During his first year as Governor, Pence blocked local governments from requiring its businesses to offer higher wages or benefits that surpassed standards of federal law.

As we know, poverty is violent, but what often remains unengaged is the gendered aspect of such violence; women are disproportionately and distinctively affected by poverty in ways that men are not. Pence's total disregard for the reality of those living in poverty is dangerous for women with such experiences.

Let's also take a look at Pence's stance on education. During his governance, he supported charter schools and vouchers. At first glance, his focus seems beneficial—but we must always ask, to whose benefit, and why?

When vouchers appear congruent to charter schools, the depletion of predominately black public schools seems to occur simultaneously. Vouchers offer students the ability to apply to schools outside of their district—say, if one's neighborhood school lacked resources, they may want to attend a more affluent school. 

These vouchers are a representation of actual governmental funds that follow the child to their chosen school. The only problem is that charter schools reserve the right to deny whomever they choose for whatever reason.

Furthermore, students that were burdened by the former lack of resources (hence why they failed to gain acceptance into a "better" school) are now even further deprived; without sufficient funds from student enrollment, poor and majority black schools lose functionality.

At this point, the government can interfere with what is now recognized as a "failing" school. Here, they implement strict rules that harshly criminalize students for nonviolent offenses.

Amongst many other discrepancies in character, Pence is fundamentally racist. However, as unbelievable as it is, Trump's perspectives might be even more egregious than his partner.

Somehow, Trump became one of the few presidents to actually remain accountable for promises made during election season. His first full day in office, Trump signed two executive orders, the first being the removal of the U.S. from the Trans-Pacific partnership, and the second being a reinstatement of the Mexico City Law; I will focus on the latter.

The Mexico City Law was initially introduced during Ronald Raegan's presidency; it severs U.S. federal funding from international non-governmental organizations (NGOs) that perform or promote abortion in any way. This violation of women's rights is far less ambiguous than the former. 

Trump wasted no time as he continued his misogynistic diplomacy the following day. He reversed the halt of DAPL construction and appointed Nikki Haley as United States Ambassador to the United Nations. Some may argue that Haley's attempts to block violent policies against transgender students or her eventual condemnation of the confederate flag are worth giving her a chance—but, because she is appointed to handle a realm of international affairs, her fervent support of the Israeli State is unnerving. 

How can we feel safe when the one given authority to represent the entirety of the U.S. supports the militarization of police, and thus, the execution of vehement force on oppressed groups?

These examples are amongst countless others. What I fear now more than ever, is a totalitarian government, but such a future isn't fixed. We must refuse to watch the marginalized women of western society and the orientalized women of the east endure the oppressive reign of Donald Trump any longer. He cannot continue to rob these women of resources, autonomy and choice.

[gopashionistas-blog]

Why as a Teen Girl, I’m a Feminist

I remember sitting at lunch, surrounded by my closest friends who are a good mix of boys and girls, when a few of the boys started to make jokes. The joke that really stuck with me was, “Go make me a sandwich.”  

I didn’t understand this joke. Jokes are meant to be funny; how was this funny? “It just is,” they said, and I still didn't understand. 

My name is Elyse Capelli. I’m a teen girl who’s a high school student, athlete, and feminist. I’ve grown up around strong, independent women and my friends and I even call each other SIWAs, which means Strong, Independent Women of America. 

Growing up in the 21st century, surrounded by new technology and social media to which other generations didn't have access, has opened my eyes to many world issues that involve inequality and has connected me with many teen girls who feel the same as I do: that all women should feel empowered. Nobody should be put down because of their gender, race, sexuality, religion, or anything for that matter. 

Now, as I look back on the sexist jokes these boys would make, I’m still confused as to why they are funny and I’ve accepted the fact that I will always be confused, because sexism and gender roles are not funny to me. 

We are young and impressionable teen girls and if we don’t learn now that we have the strength to do anything and everything a boy can do, then we will not be successful in our futures. 

I want to empower young girls. I want all women to feel that they can do whatever they set their minds to, and I want my generation to grow up with equal opportunities for both women and men. 

A great experience I’ve had was Day of Silence. It’s a day where you go silent to symbolize how the LGBT+ community has silenced this huge part of themselves because it is “unaccepted” in society. I believe strongly in equality for everyone, so I participated. It shattered my view on this “perfect” world; I learned that nothing is perfect.

There were so many of my fellow students, mainly teenage boys, who were mocking the day. Once again, these were jokes that I didn’t understand nor find funny in any way. To see how people would make jokes about something so deep and meaningful to so many other people made me a mix of confused, sad, and angry. 

I wanted to see how I could be a difference. I wanted to be the change. In fact, that’s one of my favorite quotes: “Be the change.”  So, I set out to find new ways to express my beliefs and unite with others who felt the same as I did.  That’s when I found feminism. 

Being surrounded by such knowledgeable women family members, teachers, and peers for my entire life made me realize that these are the women who I should strive to be like. All throughout history, there have been miraculous women who have made such a change in the world. 

Maya Angelou, who expressed her beliefs through writing. Rosa Parks, who didn’t give up what she believed in just because someone tried to influence her to do so. Michelle Obama, who works immensely hard to give young girls the chance to love themselves and believe that they are invincible. 

These women, along with so many others, are the reasons why I am a feminist, and always will be.

[gopashionistas-blog]

The Crash Course on Ableism You Didn’t Realize You Needed

You may have heard the word “ableism” being thrown around in feminist discussions every once in a while. Or you may not have. Either way, it is essential to understand what ableism is in order to fight it. Here is a crash course on ableism. 

First, what even is ableism? It is the systemic and interconnected discrimination against people with disabilities. It comes in many forms and varies quite a bit from person to person and from disability to disability. 

You may have a picture of a person with a disability in your head as simply a wheelchair user. However, disability is much broader. Sometimes, you can’t even tell when someone is disabled; this is called an “invisible disability,” or “invisible illness” and is no less of a disability. 

Disabilities also aren’t always physical, and some disabilities’ portrayals vary from day to day: one day someone may need a mobility aid, and the next they may not. This does not mean their disability is suddenly gone, it just means it’s presenting itself differently that day. 

So what exactly constitutes a disability if there isn’t just one kind? It is widely accepted that a disability greatly impairs your ability to do daily tasks at all or without serious consequence. 

Now that you know a bit more about disabilities themselves, let’s talk about the ways that ableism exists**:

Accessibility. This is likely a kind of ableism you have heard of. Accessibility (or lack thereof) is used to describe whether or not somewhere allows access to people with disabilities to the same degree as their abled counterparts.

When you hear the word accessibility, you often think of wheelchair ramps and handicap parking spots. And while those are both incredibly vital to accessibility, it goes beyond that. Accessibility means something different for everyone. Sometimes for somewhere to be accessible, it has to not be overcrowded, or have braille wherever there is print, or not have bright or flashing lights.

Of course, the world was not made for people with disabilities; it was made for abled people, so most places are not accessible in one way or another. It may never be, but it is our responsibility to fight for an accessible world and that starts with an understanding of the complexities of accessibility.

Healthcare. Healthcare can be especially important to people with disabilities and it is often a life or death matter. However, healthcare spaces are often where much of ableism is faced. Insurance providers do not want to give us insurance because we often require more expensive and specialized care. When we don’t have access to that care, it can be detrimental.

Moreover, we are often not given adequate care. Many times, especially in the cases of people with invisible disabilities, healthcare providers accuse us of faking or exaggerating for attention.

Medical kidnapping is very real and it is a very real fear for disabled youth, including myself. Medical kidnapping is when healthcare providers (usually in a hospital setting) take a disabled child or teenager out of the care of the child’s parents on the basis that the child is not truly disabled and not needing the care they are receiving, and the child is put on psychiatric hold, without the medical care they need for their disability. This happens far too often. I have been accused by countless medical professionals that I must be faking my disability and denied the care I needed.

Education. Navigating the public education system as a person with a disability can be very complicated and frustrating. There are laws in place to ensure that students with disabilities have the same opportunities as their abled counterparts, but this doesn’t mean that schools will always enforce these laws. Most students with disabilities require many accommodations, such as extra time on tests, breaks, additional material, alternative materials, extra time between classes, etc.

Schools can also be inaccessible. Often times, schools do not adequately help to ensure a student with a disability gets all of the same opportunities and students are often forced to switch schools or do home schooling, which can put a strain on the entire family. The bottom line is that students with disabilities deserve the same education as abled students.

Interpersonal Discrimination. Interpersonal ableism is simply the ableist behaviors that many people portray in everyday life without even realizing.

This can include ableist remarks such as: “It must be nice not having to walk everywhere,” “You’re pretty for a disabled girl,” “Oh don’t worry, someday someone will take pity on you and love you,” “It must be hard for your parents to have a disabled child, I could never do it,” “Being disabled must be the worst thing ever.”

Often, when people make these remarks they don’t think it is wrong; they may even believe that it’s a compliment! But it’s not, it’s insulting and hurtful.

Tokenism. Tokenism is the belief that disabled people’s only purpose in life is to make abled people feel better about themselves and their lives. It’s the “at least you’re not in a wheelchair” rhetoric. By saying this, you are telling every wheelchair user that it must be impossible for their life to amount to anything because they are in a wheelchair and that is the worst imaginable thing in life.

Wheelchair users and people with disabilities in general are as complex and capable as their abled counterparts. So don’t ask the person with a disability to prom to get brownie points, don’t think you are a hero or a savior for treating a person with a disability like a human being, and don’t use us as your token to make you feel better about your life.

**This is in no way a comprehensive list; this is just a starting place. So start here, but don't stop here, learn more, hear more disabled people’s stories, and bolster the voices of disabled people.

[gopashionistas-blog]

5 Tips To Help You Get Through Your Questioning Phase

This past January, I celebrated my one year anniversary (or outiversary, as we call it) of coming out as bisexual. I spent 6 or more years questioning myself, wondering if I was gay. 

While I knew it was impossible for me to be gay because I knew that I could develop feelings for men, my mind would shift to the possibility of also having feelings for women. I would have come out sooner, but because I was exposed to so much biphobia (“Oh, girls are just testing if they say they are bi,” or “Bisexuality doesn’t exist. You’re either gay or straight.”), I kept those feelings and confusion locked up, and refused to acknowledge that I liked both sexes.

I know that a lot of people are going through what I went through these past few years; not just with bisexuality, but other spectrums of the LGBT+ community. 

I know what you’re probably thinking: “Oh, this girl is going to go into this long speech about how I’m not alone and babble on and on about it,” and you are almost right. Nevertheless, I feel these tips are what everyone should know if they are going through their questioning stage.

1. There is no time limit

You have all the time in the world to figure out where you stand on the spectrum. Some people do not come out until MUCH later in their life, and that’s okay! You will never be too old to fall in love or know more about yourself, so don’t fret over it!

2. It’s nobody’s business!

No one needs to know if you are struggling to figure out who you are. This is a personal, private matter for you and you alone. You are not obligated to tell every single aspect of your life, including your current confusion. So, if a friend bugs you about possibly being queer, just say, “If you mind your own business, I’ll mind my own!”

3. Experimentation is NOT needed

If you want to try to experiment, then, by all means, go for it. It’s your life. However, if someone is pressuring you to experiment, like saying, “Well, you won’t know unless you try to kiss her/him,” don’t give into that pressure. 

I never once kissed a guy or a girl, yet I know for a fact that I am attracted to both. I often compare sexuality to love: it’s something you just know. It cannot be explained or justified in any way, yet it’s something you know is there.

4. The community will always welcome you with open arms! 

What’s great about the LGBT+ community is that we are always there for someone, whether it be questioning or needing help coming to terms with who you are. Even if you figure out that you are straight, that’s okay, too! We are always looking for allies and new friends!

5. In the end, no one cares

Not in a rude way, of course. When you get older, you will find that many people want to know you, not your sexuality. As my dad says, “What people do on the weekends and in their spare time is their own business. I have no right to interfere nor do I want to.” 

I mean, you will get that one person that will be just a horrible person to you (I’m trying to keep this as G-rated as possible), but there will be a billion other people who will have your back and stand up to that one person!

In the end, you have to think for yourself when it comes to sexuality. No one can tell you because only you have the answer. Think to yourself, “Forget about what they want. Forget about everything. What is it that I, myself, want?” I probably stole some quotes from The Notebook there, but it certainly helped me. 

Figure out what it is YOU want, and in the end, you can live a life you have always wanted for YOU.