#//rudy i am so sorry he's terrible

[mrsparrasblog]

Girlie your brain is wrinkly 🧠 can u write kyle being in a competition against Rudy to woo reader? Only one of them will get her in the end🥺👉👈 personally I am rooting for Rudy but you decide in the end😘

Hey first of all Thank you <333333 wrinkly brain is now my favorite new word thingy. It feels criminaly wrong to let my character pick someone over Kyle but Rudy deserves everything too. Just enjoy my midnight thoughts.

He had been pining after you for six years—six terrible, long years—where you had several shitty boyfriends or were too oblivious to realize he even liked you. At this point, it was tiring for Rodolfo to love you, but how could he stop? He had never met someone like you: so eager, beautiful, loving, and funny.

He remembered the day he first met you like it was only yesterday. You were so curious and full of passion, almost more than Alejandro had. Since then, you had grown up to be one of the most essential parts of the vaqueros. If you weren’t a medic, you would have been the third in command five years ago, but saving people was just your thing.

Alejandro, Rudy, and you spent most of these five years together on duty, and even in your off time, you went to bars with them, family gatherings, and even on vacation in Cancun. And all these times, Rudy didn't have the guts to ask you out. Alejandro always told him that he should just try, the way you looked at him or how you screamed and cried as he almost died—this is love, but he didn't believe it. And you thought he saw you more like a sister than someone to love, so you both silently gave up.

When Graves' betrayal happened, you fought alongside Rudy's, Ghost's, and Soap's side. You were so happy to have the help of their captain and another Sergeant. What surprised you was that the other Sergeant, Kyle, was so attractive.

You weren’t sure how it happened, but after the great win, you were in a pub with all of them—141 & Vaqueros—sitting on Kyle's lap. You were a bit too tipsy to realize Rudy's jealous glance and Alejandro's disappointed look. All you noticed was the pretty boy whispering sweet nothings into your ear, "Such a beautiful woman. Mhm, the most beautiful girl I've seen in ages." His hot breath tickled against your ear as he slowly wrapped his lips around your neck, eliciting a moan from you, much to Rudy's annoyance. He was almost fuming, and as you noticed it, you couldn’t stop yourself from making him a bit jealous.

So, you ended up in the corner with Kyle. His hips were pressed against yours as he pulled you into a deeper kiss. His tongue fought for dominance, his hands grabbing your ass and squeezing it lightly. "I want you, Kyle."

"Want you too Doll"

It took seconds for your luck to disappear when you went to the bathroom, returning to see Rudy punching Kyle. "Leave her the fuck alone, pendejo."

"She wanted it."

"Who cares? She’s mine."

"Rodolfo, Kyle, both of you stop," you commanded, pulling Rudy by his ear outside of the shady bar of Las Almas.

"What was that?" You asked, lifting your brow in question.

"Mhm, sorry, mi amor."

"You're a childish idiot stop punching every men I give a bit of attention, and now let me fix your cheek," you said, gathering a napkin out of your bag and removing the blood from his cheek.

"I know."

"What did you mean with 'I'm yours,' Rudy?"

"Come on, don’t act like you don’t know." he rolled his eyes, he couldn't believe you were so oblivious, you should have noticed ages ago like everyone else.

"What know?"

"That I've wanted you all these years, just couldn’t stand seeing you with another idiot again."

"You're joking, right?"

"No."

"Oh, Rudy, you should have told me."

"Why?" he mumbled not seeing the point in getting rejected

And with that, you grabbed his face, and after all these years of longing, you finally had Rodolfo where you wanted him: right beside you.

"Finally" Alejandro whispered in the corner of the bar, his two best friends were finally where they belonged.

[captianprices40thson]

Plz write a mw2 story with all 141 members going to a bar after m/n had a successful mission. M/n got drunk and starts flirting with a LOT of guys and ghost and soap got jealous and starts acting all pissed. It ends up with ghost and soap forcing M/n to sit and shut up after him asks a guy to give him a bj.

I’m a sorry sucker and this happens all the time.

Requested: Yes

Warnings: None

Ghost and Soap are dating, both have a thing for Reader. Reader has a thing for both of them, but he doesn’t act on it.

Word count: 1.7k

Notes: Once again, class means nothing when you have fanfiction to write. I apologise for this being shorter than all the other ones, but I am not as good at writing fluff y’all. I appreciate every reblog, like and comment that I get, thank you so much for leaving a note! My requests are open and I am currently working on one. Check out what I do and don’t on my profile. Also, sorry that this took longer than expected to write. It was my birthday and I’ve been busy with everything surrounding that. If you want me to rewrite this at ALL, PLEASE TELL ME.

(Also I have no idea how flirting works. The three (3) people I’ve ever dated just sort of intimidated me and they were attracted to my sad cat personality…and probably my dedication to THE GRIND. And not to flex, but imagine Alejandro, Rudy and Valeria and take them and their personalities, they’re basically the people I dated. So obviously, I have no idea what’s going on in the dating world.)

“Cheers to another successful mission, gentleman.” Price smiled, raising his glass to the rest of the table, all of which raised their own in return. Ghost was not only not drinking due to his mask, but he was also in charge of driving everyone back, meaning he raised an empty water glass.

“Still don’t know how you managed to locate me, Y/N. I swore I was a deadman the moment my radio broke.” Gaz smiled, looking over at you, who had already begun downing your drink of choice, paid for by your captain as always.

“Yep, eyes of a bat that one.” Ghost smiled, placing an arm around you since you clearly weren’t going to respond. For some reason, Soap scoffed and spoke up.

“Ghost, come on. Everyone knows bats have terrible eyesight. Ever heard of the phrase ‘blind as a bat?’” Soap smirked, acting like he had gotten Ghost trapped in a corner when in actual fact he was highlighting his own stupidity.

“No…bats have great eyesight. ‘Blind as a bat’ is wrong and a misconception.” Ghost spoke back, taking his arm back from you and placing it on the table so he could explain to Soap more. Meanwhile, your eyes had caught sight of a guy over at the bar.

“Jesus christ. That's some eye candy right there.” You unknowingly whispered to yourself, catching the ear of Gaz who was also looking over in that direction. He smiled, understanding the appeal that the tall stranger had.

“I’m gonna go talk to him.” “I think he’s with friends. Do you really wanna bother him?” Gaz asked, looking over to you. You smiled, taking a sip of your respective drink and placing the empty glass down on the table. You pushed yourself up off the table, placing a hand down on the wood as you exited the booth.

“I have two holes, Garrick.” You informed him. He seemed to accept that answer and only after you had walked away he called out a very confused ‘what!?’

You turned back to him, motioning to your mouth and then making a circle around your ass. He looked very confused and shocked, deciding that clearly you were a lightweight right then and there and also, you were way too drunk already.

Meanwhile, Price had finally finished breaking up the ‘fight’ between Ghost and Soap about bats, which had somehow turned into them trying to figure out Obama’s last name. Ghost was insistent that Obama was his first name as a joke and Soap wasn’t picking up that Ghost was joking.

“His last name is Obama.” Soap whispered as he crossed his arms, but Ghost was already distracted with the absence of you. He looked around the booth, it felt empty without you.

“Anyone seen Y/N?” “I quite like that one, don’t lose him.” Price nodded, taking a swig of his own drink. Ghost looked over to Gaz, who put his own glass down and spoke up.

“I uhm…he just went off to go talk to some guy. He’d be over by the bar.” Gaz explained, pointing a thumb over to the bar. There were people standing in front of where Ghost assumed you would be so he couldn’t confirm you were there, but he trusted the word of Gaz over his own judgement anyday.

“Come on.” The taller man huffed, grabbing Soap’s wrist and hauling him up so that they could exit the booth, both of them having to shuffle over Gaz and Price’s laps to get out. Soap groaned, asking why he had to go with him.

“Because, you’re an asshole and you know your way around these bars better than me. Also, I don’t want to talk to anyone and we’re gonna have to go grab our man back.” Ghost responded, not letting go of Soap’s arm as they walked around the bar. There were many bright colours and people walking around, making it hard for either man to concentrate.

“I see him.” Soap spoke up, pointing over to a corner where you were sat, clearly sipping someone else's drink while you chatted to the man. They both made their way over to you and Ghost placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Y/N, Come on. We’re celebrating a win, you can’t flirt with every man you see.” Soap smiled, ushering a quick apologies to the man sitting opposite you. To no one’s surprise, he didn’t mind the fact you were talking to him. He seemed sad to see you go.

“Go celebrate with your…friends, man. I’ll see you later.” He smiled, giving you a wink as you stood up, a small blush appearing on your face. (Yeah that’s right, baby. I’m giving you charisma because you deserve it.)

“Jesus, Y/N. We don’t give you attention for three seconds and you’re already trying to get into someone’s pants?” Ghost asked as he walked you back to the bar, noticing how sad you were that you were no longer flirting with a stranger at a bar. When a small ping went off and you checked your phone to a text message from the man you were just chatting with. A picture of you being dragged back to your booth.

“How did you already get his number?” Soap whisper-shouted as he watched you smile at the message. You merely shrugged your shoulders, giving them a cat-like smirk as you walked back.

—--

“Where the fuck did that little bitch go.” Soap asked exactly two minutes after they had sat back down, looking over at the empty spot at the booth where your ass was meant to be sat. You know in cartoons where something was meant to be somewhere and the little broken white lines appear around where it should be? That's sort of what was going on in his mind.

“Bar.” Gaz simply replied. Soap’s head shot over to where Gaz had said and sure enough, you were talking to a guy who looked like he could kill you in three seconds, next to him a guy that looked as if he couldn’t harm a fly. 

“Jesus Christ, come on. Let’s get him before he gets himself into trouble.” Ghost groaned, knowing that once you were drunk you basically had no filter.

“We’ve got to strap him down next time. This is meant to be a celebration between teammates, not…not Y/N leaving the table every time he can.” Soap mumbled and Ghost stopped for a minute, looking down at his shorter companion.

“Hey…does it really bother you that much that he keeps leaving?” Ghost asked and Soap nodded, crossing his arms.

“It’s just…we’re meant to be a team, a group. We’ve just been through hell together and all Y/N can think about is hopping on the next dick he sees. I just thought we could all spend some time…together, as the fucked up family we are.” Soap admitted, making eye contact with Ghost. There was sympathy in Ghost’s tone when he spoke next.

“Well…we’re gonna get him back, place him in between us and I'm gonna take his phone so he won’t receive any messages from any other guys other than the ones he’s supposed to be with. Alright?” Ghost told him and Soap smiled, nodding as they walked up to where your horny ass was sitting.

“-And it’s like, holyyyy shit. I was nearly shot!” As both men came into earshot, they could hear you clearly describing the mission you were just on to the two men, both of them looking interested as hell. Soap looked over to Ghost, knowing they should stop you seeing as all that stuff was classified and shouldn’t be told to random’s in this bar. When Ghost was about to place his hand on your shoulder and drag you back, you decided to say something the Scot nor the Brit would expect.

“Hey, can you get me a Sidecar with a side of a BJ?” You asked the main guy you were talking to. Both military men exchanged a glance before Soap decided to step in.

“WOAH THERE, Y/N. LETS NOT.” He awkwardly spoke, placing a hand on your shoulder and making you get off the stool. You groaned something about them ruining your chance at getting lucky before immediately tripping over and falling face first on the floor.

“I apologise for him, guys.” Ghost apologised to the men before helping Soap get you off the floor. Despite being in the military causing you to go through intense physical and mental training, you really weren’t heavy to them at all, which made it easier to drag you back to the table.

____

“Yeah, this is better than being at the bar. No offence to any of those guys, but you four are my type of people.” You admitted, now only being fed water in order to attempt to not make you die.

Soap shot a smile at Ghost, who gave him a wink since his smile couldn’t be seen under the mask. Price looked over his three men sitting opposite him and Gaz, both of them moving so that you could be boxed in.

“Once again, while we have all of you here, cheers to another successful mission, gentlemen.” Price smiled, raising his glass. The rest of the task force respectfully doing the same.

[ragingbookdragon]

She enjoyed Rudy’s silence. He didn’t talk often. Kind of like Ghost, but he smiled more and laughed at her jokes. He also wasn’t terrible to look at, and she’d long since had plans of taking the man to bed at some point, so spending time around him gave her the chance of familiarity with him. Until of course, someone decided to ruin it.

Soap had come skidding to a halt in front of her chair, but she had her eyes closed, feet resting on the table. “Empress, I need your help.”

“Don’t you all?” she murmured, not bothering to open her eyes. “What’d you do?”

“How do you know I did anything?” he asked, tone rather offended and she could just imagine his fists planted on his hips. “I could be dying for all you know and here you think I’ve done something wrong?”

“I know you did something, because I know my chucklefucks,” she replied. “What’d you do?”

“I fucked up.”

“Uh huh, established that one, MacTavish. What’d you do?”

“I may or may have not misplaced Ghost’s favorite knife.”

She pursed her lips, cracking one open. “…How?”

Soap frowned. “I, uh, well, you see, I was toying around with it and then I accidentally dropped it and…”

“And?” she urged.

He reached up and scratched the back of his head. “I dropped it off a cliff.” Empress let out a long and tired sigh and Soap almost hit his knees. “I know, I’m sorry,” he begged. “Please, I’m so sorry, Empress, please help me. Ghost loves you. He can’t stay mad at you.”

“The Empire is running low on favors, but this one time will be considered.” She waved him off. “Begone, you bore me, peasant.”

Soap bent down, took her hand, and kissed her knuckles, once, twice, thrice and flirted, “I love you, Empress.”

“Leave me,” she griped and he hurried off, leaving her with Rudy. “I shall deal with your ignorance later.”

He watched Soap leave before looking at her. “Ghost and Soap really seem to have quite a fondness for you, Empress,” he said and she snorted.

“It’s ‘cause they’re my bitches.” She shrugged. “Kidding, but I am one of the only women they have constant contact with so, you learn to get along. But I don’t take anyone’s shit and I make them work for what they want from me, so my respect has been well earned.”

“How’d you get the nickname ‘Empress’?”

She adjusted her seat, propping her feet in his lap. “Queen was already taken in my squad, so I went with the next best thing.” Her eyes found his. “So far, I’ve brought everything in my path to its knees. Empires, countries, men and women alike.”

Rudy swallowed thickly, nerves very aware of where her ankles were resting on his thigh. “Is that so?”

“Oh, sí que lo es. Todavía tengo que encontrar algo que se me resista.” Empress pulled her feet away and stood from her seat, taking her things from the table before she walked around Rudy’s seat, bending down to murmur in his ear, “Espero que estés cómodo de rodillas, vaquero, porque eres el próximo.”

His head shot up, staring wide-eyed at her as she gave him a wink and wandered off to find Ghost and hopefully appease the man’s anger when he found out his favorite knife was gone—he already knew.

[bobsfic]

I feel like we don’t talk about the way jj bends down to hug kie in 3.09 enough?!? like that hug is insane of them actually. The gasps the noises as well coming from both of them in pure relief?! I just can’t cope.

God I hope Rudy and maddie bring all of this again and more to season 4, we’ve been waiting 4 years for established jiara 💝

HELLO i am so sorry this has taken me forever to respond to but rest assured it has been living in my mind rent free for ages. He just... like scoops her right up and holds her so tightly???? INSANE is absolutely the right word.

I love this moment so dearly, despite the awful terrible no good very bad lighting. The relief in both of their faces, the way their bodies just sink into one another, the pure emotion is unmatched. I can still hear the way Kie said 'me?' in that soft little voice, like she couldn't quite believe he'd come for her. I think even if they hadn't kissed right after this, I would still love this reunion just as much.

I truly believe Rudy and Maddie are going to bring this energy and more to S4 and I for one cannot WAIT to see it play out on my screen. I'm so excited to see established jiara after so long!!!

[onehundredstatesofme]

And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand an go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy's and talk about the day and type up your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don't listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you're sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the tv programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair our eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse your and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you're late and be amazed when you're early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I'm black and be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I'd known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you're angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you're gorgeous and hug you when you're anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I'm next to you and whimper when I'm not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don't and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I'm rejecting you when I'm not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I'd ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don't believe me and have a feeling so deep I can't find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I'd get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don't want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don't mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it's empty without you and want what you want and think I'm loosing myself but know I'm safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don't deserve any less and answer your questions when I'd rather not and tell you the truth when I really don't want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it's all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try toget closer to you because it's beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the/overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.

[flowersofthedead]

@reindeer-dad​

He’s gonna remain smug about it Rudy, he won’t forget this moment either for later, Just in case

[luversgirl]

𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄, part two

summary: two best friends evolve into something more but with more but with starting something more there is always a long road that leads to it

notes: hiiii, so the only thing i can write on is my computer so here we are… it sucks but i worked hard on this series to i wanna get a couple parts out at most! & just need to get the story up and moving soooo this chapter is rlly bad 🤷‍♀️

warnings: terrible writing but besides that none!

“pouty face” layla laughed placing her empty starbucks cup in the trash and walking back to the couch wear drew sat.

"i’m not pouty" drew grumbled sinking further into their apartment couch crossing his arms.

“are too”

“am not”

"ok, ok what will get you to stop all—" layla gestured her hand at his pouty face "this"

"frozen yogurt" he grinned crossing his arms know his best friend loved the delectable treat.

"drewseph" she wined he grinned at the nick name.

"hey you asked" drew smiled keeping m his hands up in defence before taking her hand leading her out of the apartment and out the door.

liked by rudeth, finncooper and 9,235 others

laylamitchell: smoothie bowl for a pouting drewseph

tagged: drewstarkey

username1: aww

username2: soulmates 4L

rudeth: without me???

↳ laylamitchell: i’m sorry 😞

username3: pls rudy

username4: god dammit now i'm hungry

username5: #drayla

madisonbalieybabe: date already

↳ laylamitchell: shut ur bitch ass up troy

username6: BAHAHAHA LAYLA

austinnorth55: #drayla

↳ laylamitchell: austin michael north i swear to god

↳ jonathandavissoffical: please tell me that is not his full name

↳ laylamitchell: bestie I got something to tell you

username7: drew rn 🥲

username6: damn she really pulled out all the stops

taglist: @faeaura @joeystarkey @writingsbehaviour @thexplosivegirl​ @dumbasscorn @prettyboystarkey @rafecameronswhore​ @pankowfruitsnacks​

[eyebrowgel]

“And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy's and talk about the day and type up your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don't listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you're sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the tv programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse your and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you're late and be amazed when you're early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I'm black and be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I'd known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you're angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you're gorgeous and hug you when you're anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I'm next to you and whimper when I'm not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don't and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I'm rejecting you when I'm not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I'd ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don't believe me and have a feeling so deep I can't find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I'd get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don't want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don't mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it's empty without you and want what you want and think I'm losing myself but know I'm safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don't deserve any less and answer your questions when I'd rather not and tell you the truth when I really don't want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it's all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it's beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.”

Sarah Kane, Crave

[wolf-eagle]

And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy’s and talk about the day and type your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don’t listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you’re sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the the programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse your and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you’re late and be amazed when you’re early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I’m black and be sorry when I’m wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I’d known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you’re angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you’re gorgeous and hug you when you’re anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I’m next to you and whimper when I’m not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don’t and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I’m rejecting you when I’m not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I’d ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don’t believe me and have a feeling so deep I can’t find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I’d get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don’t want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don’t mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it’s empty without you and want what you want and think I’m losing myself but know I’m safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don’t deserve any less and answer your questions when I’d rather not and tell you the truth when I really don’t want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it’s all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it’s a beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.

― Sarah Kane || monologue from ‘Crave’  

[thefirstsignofmadness-pod]

You have a podcast coming up. What's it about? What're some reasons to listen?

We do! Explaining stuff is NOT my forté, however, Imagine you're 15, your birthday's coming up in a couple months, you have no friends and you're stuck in this weird boarding school in the middle of nowhere, you suffer from terrible insomnia and keep falling asleep in class - you're pretty sure all your teachers hate you, you're also trans, but out to nobody. Then one day this random other kid follows you on a walk into the woods. He's older than you but that doesn't matter, he's an annoying immature little twat. You have a conversation, you hate each other for a bit, then you become friends. Things get a bit better for you, you make a couple more friends (though none as close as that first one) and the skies seem to clear a little bit, then everything gets So Much Worse.

you're our main protagonist, Alan Jones.

As well as the main story, that goes over four episodes or "Chapters", there's also five other "Bonus" or "Mini" (though they're not really that mini, let's be real here) episodes that follow the stories of some of the major secondary characters, that'll be released between the main episodes.

I, writing this right now, am the creator of this podcast, Nu! I came up with the idea, wrote it all down, got voice actors, organised recording sessions, edited it all together and now I'm releasing it - but I'm not the main person running all the social media accounts, that'd be my very good friend and the voice actor of Martha (a major character introduced in the second chapter, and the main focus of the episode "Life's A Shady Business"), Kess Garvey.

now, it's debatable whether I even answered the first question very well but I would NOT be able to answer the second, I'd keep typing something up and deleting it and typing something up and deleting it and eventually end up with a couple vague answers that would probably work better to dissuade you from listening, so, I asked around the team; here's their answers.

"because it's gay and trans and written by a... stupid person. and they need more brain cells. and every listen gets them more brain cells. sorry" - Rex Eades (my wonderful boyfriend, and voice of Kess - the character not the person - he also designed the logo)

"if I wasn't in this, it would probably be one of the few podcasts I'd listen too and enjoy" - Kess Garvey

"cause they'll like listening to podcast and they think the characters are intricate. I dunno." - Alexander Hill (Director, Voice of Alex. once again, character not person - they're quite different.)

"it's actually kinda cool, and the story is... interesting?

The comedy is actually pretty good, yeah the comedy's good, it's funny" - Rudy Reeves-McHugh (Voice of Josh Davis)

"I'd say that if someone is looking for a queer show to feel represented with, especially people who went through school unsure of themselves and their identity, that this wold be a great listen for them!" - Luka Miller (Voice of Alan Jones and Alice Rimini)

"um... whoar this ones really hard, um. the phrases that are coming to mind are like 'take a deep dive into teenage angst - is talking to yourself really the first sign?' um um 'conflict- conflict abound, both internal and external' 'who loves who and why and do they really or not?' uh uhm 'you have the best conversations with yourself; but make sure no ones listening in!' ooh that's a good one, uh, 'everyone has a secret; some can't keep them' " etc. etc. etc. - Janette Eddisford (Voice of Miriam Davis, and main script editor, who went on in this general vein for the next five minutes.)

high praise I know (/s), but overall pretty positive, leans at least "listen for a rainy day" and hopefully that's a good enough reason

if anything I'd say just give it a try for the hell of it, got nothing better to do for half on hour on the 28th? Just pull up whatever app you listen to podcasts on and have a listen, worst comes to worst and you don't like it, then hey! At least you can complain to your friends about this godawful new show that just premiered

oh also, it's painfully English, so if you're into that, yk, give us a listen.

[poguesgold]

how did you feel about season? i know most people liked it better than season 1 but i’m not sure how i feel yet🤔 might need to rewatch it

okay this ended up soooo long so i'm giving a tl;dr review here and if anyone cares to read my insanely long thought dump you can feel free. this part is spoiler free also!!

cons: i think they should have further developed the s1 storyline rather than conjuring up an entirely new treasure and conflict; i don't think they did the characters justice a lot of the time, particularly kie and jj; too much yelling and running not enough hanging out; the finale cliff hanger was a stupid writing choice

pros: cleo!!; pope-centric plotline!!!; amazing jjpope moments in the improv sequences; never a boring moment; rafebarry oh my god????; neck kiss shirtless wrestling holding hands standing unnecessarily close jjpope rot; just a straight up nine hour long adrenaline rush and i love that shit.

overall: i definitely did not like it more than s1, but i still REALLY loved it. i think it's worth the watch, just don't go into it expecting good writing or realistic injuries or a comprehensive plot LMFAO. what saves the season is the pogues' chemistry and their improv sequences, for real. and cleo. you WILL get angry about the shitty script and characterization if you’re really invested in that part of things, but as far as vibes and dopamine high it was awesome. it was a fun watch and i'll definitely rewatch at least once to soak it in properly

please this is going to be soooo long i apologize in advance. but i have a lot of thoughts. also ⚠️⚠️spoilers ahead!!⚠️⚠️

most of this review is going to be criticisms tbh so sorry for that but this show kinda sucks (affectionately<3)

i thought season 2 was an absolute TRAINWRECK as far as writing goes. jonas pate was basically like. this season we're going to have an even BIGGER and BETTER treasure!!! but the exact same thing is going to happen. like. we already had gold. and that's what they were going to the bahamas for at the end of season 1 for anyway????? it would have been so easy to just develop the original storyline further, i just cannot figure out why they would completely abandon it for another mediocre storyline. (i LOVED that this other mediocre storyline was pope-centric and the main character energy he was given this season. but. they. could have done that?? with the first storyline?????)

i hate that they brought big john back so so much. SO much. literally it was the stupidest most idiotic lazy cheesy plot choice in the world. it doesn't make sense, we like saw his literal bones at one point like his lifeless corpse, and WHY would they bring back a key character from the PREVIOUS ARC when they created an ENTIRELY NEW CONFLICT AND PLOTLINE FOR THIS SEASON???? jonas pate stuck it in for shock value and cliff hanger in hopes of securing a season 3, and i hate him for it. he's such a terrible writer white men have it so easy

someone in the neck kiss truthers discord earlier pointed out that jb's dead father returning after like a year and a half of thinking he was dead would probably be more traumatic that healing at this point, and i agree so much. also, you know that they're not going to use it for good either way. they're going to use his dad coming back as a way to further traumatize him somehow because obx writers are jombeephobic. and i wouldn't put it past them to bring him back just to kill him off again. jonas pate wants to write john b torture porn and i am TIRED of it

my least favorite thing about season 2 was the characterization. they really did just disregard the characters they created in season 1. kie was completely ooc for like three episodes, and it wasn't because she was mourning. it was just shitty writing. she had no character outside of her relationships this season, which has been my fear from the very beginning and why i have never wanted kie with any of the pogues. season 2 diminished her character to the female love interest, and that just sucked so bad for her.

whether you're a jjpope or not, season 2 completely changed their friendship dynamic. the only time we got glimpses of the season 1 jjpope dynamic was in the improv sequences when rudy and jd took it upon themselves. also during their hugs LMFAO. which is also an acting choice. the writing completely disregarded their friendship and dynamic. it was weird as fuck it was all weird. i also hated that kie and sarah's scripted interactions were just them talking about boys. another case of friendships again being completely disregarded for the cishet relationships. 

i just really feel like all of the characters were handled poorly this season, which is crazy because literally ALL we asked for was backstory and character development and pogue screentime. but jonas pate instead decided to write ten episodes of nonstop running and yelling and fuckinf adrenaline, with an ooc script. for funsies

i feel like the magic of season 1 was lost. the vibe of season 1 that makes it so comforting and rewatchable and lovely is sort of just lost in all the silly plot. we see snatches of it here and there, but they feel crammed between unnecessary action scenes and stunts and shouting when we would have been happy with ten episodes of the pogues hanging out in each other's bedrooms.

NOW IM GOING TO TALK THINGS I LIKED OKAY OKAY

i seriously DID love watching it. we pulled an all nighter in the neck truthers discord and binged the entire season and the adrenaline of that kept me going for the rest of the week. it was literally fucking insane absolutely batshit and i LOVED it. the writing was horrible but like. it's obx we know it isn't good LMFAOO. it's part of the charm

i definitely don't like it more than s1, but i did still like it a lot. i LOVED how pope centric it was, like he fr had such main character energy this season and it was wonderful. even though the storyline was weird and didn't make sense jd did so well lolol he did so wonderfully. i loved seeing pope get the attention he deserves this season.

JJPOPE MOMENTS. i was definitely sad they didn't have an arc to themselves like they did season 1, but oh my god jd and rudy FED US with jjpope improv moments this season. the NECK KISS? the WRESTLING? every single one of their hugs?????? they're insane. it sucked that they really didn't have any scenes alone but we take what we can get.

SPEAKING OF GAYS LET'S TALK ABOUT RAFEBARRY. because?? oh my god??? first season it was like a crack ship and then season 2 came out and... what are we supposed to do ignore it? they are literally??? gay????? it's jarring they're insane. i am so so invested in them it's kind of unreal how deep i got into this ship in such a short amount of time (follow @rafebarry babies <33)

cleo. i love cleo. the best new thing to come out of this season for sure. clarah is coming strong i can feel it and i am SO ready. i know that they're most likely going to move toward a cleopope romance next season, which i don't hate? i'm bothered only because a) it's obvious it's mostly being done to get pope out of the way for jiara, and b) i think people often push two dark-skinned characters into a ship just because they're both dark-skinned, and that yucks me out. but i will say i really liked their moments together in s2 and i think they could be really good together if they're canon s3 (which they probably will be.)

overall like. it was a fun watch. i retained like 2% of the plot i was just there for the vibes and dopamine high and that was totally fine. i want to take the pogues out of jonas pate’s greedy little white man fingers and give them the character and relationship development they deserve, but we can’t have it all i guess. the cinematography this season i think i liked better than season 1, wasn’t a huge fan of that weird yellow filter tho. also the lighting. obx lighting guys get demoted challenge. umm yeah season 1 supremacy but season 2 had amazing vibes

[now-im-a-belieber]

dinner and diatribes

a/n: Hello! I put it off as long as I could but I just HAD to start writing. So, Here it is, my first BoB fic! Any and all feedback is appreciated.

══════════════════

After graduating and settling into the swing of the life you wanted to live, the universe seemed to actively work against you.

You did not get accepted into the college of your dreams. And the underfunded local university you wasted away at was the bane of your existence. You could barely land a job with all the hours you were required to stick to campus, and only made enough money walking dogs and watering plants to pay for tuition and the occasional new outfit. 

When you started to see the light at the end of the tunnel, with a few hundred saved away, and some time opening up to find career opportunities, the chatter about war turned from gossip to gospel. 

In fact, you'd made it all the way to the opposite side of a fine mahogany desk for your first full fledged interview when your dreams were promptly crushed. The man meant to interview you rushed in with flustered news he'd only just found out himself. He told you the company was shutting down. All the nation's money was being sorted to aid in the war. The president had called for rationing to start. 

The man was near tears when he asked you to leave, replacing a goodbye with a hopeful wish you might be able to come back again one day. 

You marched home at a loss. And the worst thing of all, was the fact that you didn't seem to have anyone to talk to about it all.

The best of your friends had moved away one by one, well meaning phone calls only coming from a couple now and again. Some weekends you managed a stroll through the park with Janice Dean. And you hadn't missed a single one of Rudy Delacroix's card parties. But the one friend you'd always been able to call upon seemed ever less interested in being a part of your life. 

Joe was busy as everyone else, you knew. But when he started canceling long standing plans, and forcing smiles when you skipped up to ask him on a last minute adventure, you realized something must have been very wrong. 

Over breakfast you'd prod him for answers. He'd joke about the state of the world and steal what was left on your plate. So, nothing could have been too wrong. Right?

Joe always entertained your random stops by, and offered you drinks and listened to you complain about uni. He’d curse the place and drag you to pubs and sneak you into films and waste hours by the waterfront laughing about nothing with you. He’d go great lengths to help you forget your dreary days, even if just for a moment. But lately you noticed Joe had stopped trading his own complaints- the kind he claimedvno one else would tolerate hearing besides you. 

And then… he stopped talking at all. Right when you figured it was time to ask what the hell the matter was. Joe wasn't at his place last you swung by, like you so often did. He didn't come around yours like he so often managed. He didn't answer his phone when you rang, and a real worry sprouted through you when the next time you tried, the line went dead.

And then you did see Joe. At the local grocer. You spotted his profile across the aisle and moved to meet him. And he clearly saw you too. When he did, he moved the other way, and disappeared from the stall all together, leaving you to panic over what you might've said or done to upset him so.

You went about your mundane week with a heavy heart. While you seemed to lose hope in the very near future, the world spiralled out of control outside of your windows. And you had no one to talk to about it. Until Joe's mother called. 

"Come round for dinner, won't you love?"

"Of course, ma." You'd been calling the woman by her motherly title since you and Joe first fused at the hip some odd years back. Since then his family had included you in most every occasion they could manage. Until a certain someone up and broke tradition a week or so ago...

"Great! Joe didn't want a big send off but we all know he'll want you to join in the last big family meal before he goes.”

His mother chirped through a sigh that crackled from the other line. And in her all too casual remark lied a clear answer to the impasse you'd been facing. 

"He what?" You asked low, through your teeth, with a sense of urgency you'd never felt in life, till now. 

"He didn't tell you did he?" Joe's mother seemed to ask less more than she seemed to realize; and before you could think up the right thing to say, you slammed the phone down, grabbed your purse, and flew out the door. 

Of course this was happening. How had you failed to realize? You shouldn't have had to realize. Joe should have told you he was shipping out. Everyone seemed to be. But he should have said so. He'd always told you everything. From the embarrassing to the inconsequential, Joe hadn't held back from droning deadly details to you since he'd started. The fact that something this detrimental had been hidden away sent smoke from your ears as you marched toward his family's home. 

The windows across the little brick cottage were all opened, the late day breeze blowing you up the porch steps. You traded knocking for bursting in the door. There wasn't time left to waste. And the realization hit you all at once… but you had a mission to complete before becoming all too overwhelmed. 

Joe's mother ducked out of way, a tray of warm food in hand. She did not try and stop your storm through the kitchen. The only one you’d taken by surprise was Joe, who turned from the sink with eyes as wide as empty dinner plates. 

"You didn't tell me?" You seethed, heading straight for him. Joe started to back away, moving toward the patio doors with his hands held in a pitiful defense. 

"I'm sorry-"

"Sorry?!"

He kept moving. So you marched after him, out into the yard; shouting all the way asking how the hell he could've kept this from you. How you were supposed to cope with all the worry you’d feel the longer he spent storming the front lines. Asking, flippantly, if he’d tell you what it was all like, or if you’d have to find out from a soldier who'd come knocking to tell the last of Joe’s news.

"I said I'm fuckin' sorry." Joe boomed, stopping near the trees that lined his family's property. You didn’t regret your frantic interrogation but you wished voicing your worst fears of losing him for good hadn’t been what finally got Joe to say something like he meant it.

You halted when he did, stunned to silence. But only for a beat. You watched Joe sigh and bring his hands to his face. 

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" You pressed, much quieter but with disappointment ever present in your tone. You stepped a little closer, willing your friend to speak up. At least now you could see he was trying too. Joe tossed his head back, and shifted his weight to lean against a dying tree. 

"I don't know." He shrugged finally. It wasn't what you wanted to hear, but it was more than you had in awhile.

"I-I guess I didn't know how to." Joe spoke in a tone you'd never quite heard him use before. A terribly hopeless croak. 

"Didn't know how to tell me?" You had to laugh a little. All you ever did was tell each other things. 

"Didn't know how to leave you." Joe pointed, like it was obvious. You watched his jaw clench as you were baffled into silence once more. But only for a second.

"Well it seems like you've only got one night left to figure out how." You wanted to cry. "Thanks for wasting all the time we could've spent figuring it out together." 

You started to turn, only to hide the tears stinging your eyes. But as you stepped aside, Joe wrapped his hand around your wrist and yanked you to face him again.

"I'm an idiot but I am not stupid enough to let you go." He said, still keeping his hold on you. 

"I panicked." Joe admitted, speaking softly all of sudden. "And I’m sorry. And I don't ever want anything like that to ever happen again. I won't let it." 

You studied Joe and the look on his face and the way his eyes searched yours so easily, so acutely. Part of you wanted to keep shouting, to really drive home how abandoned you’d felt. But you could see how he'd withered under the weight of knowing so. But you couldn't even begin talking about what was meant to happen next... it was all too overwhelming. For as long as you could remember, you'd never not been near one another. 

"I wished I never had to find out how shitty a day without you felt. I'll always regret bringing it on.

As your mind raced and your heart ached, your brow furrowed when Joe started to move away from you. His spare hand latched onto your other wrist. And he knelt.

"I didn't mean to leave you out. I never want to again." Joe emphasized each word as he strung them together. And after a long pause he spoke again. "So...marry me?"

You wanted to laugh. A good hearty nausea inducing laugh. You could admit to yourself that over the years, in the very depths of solitude, you'd secretly wished for a moment like this, with Joe. But never in a zillion years, least of all now, had you seen it coming. 

You felt Joe's grip tighten as you blinked, bending ever so slightly closer to meet his eye.

"You're fucking crazy." You said, a montage of this week playing through your head. 

"Please." Joe desperately whispered. He wasn't begging you to be with him. He was only hoping that the two of you might make your always being together official. How could you say no?

"Yeah. Yes, of course, Joe-" You finally let a small chuckle escape as your tears started to bubble over. And before you'd finished stammering acceptance, Joe sprung to his feet and lifted yours off the ground in a long overdue embrace. 

He set you down and caught his breath and you started to lean in with a new, unabashed desire to press yours lips to his. But the guy spoke up with a gasped realization.

"Oh, I have got some good news." He grinned, mischievously. You only rose a brow and waited for the penny to drop. 

"I don't leave for a week." 

You understood every possibility that came from his news, and found despite every grim reality closing in around the two of you that the future was full of blindingly bright silver linings. 

Joe lifted you off the ground again, this time as he moved to start back inside. You bargained for him to put you back down, as he carried you toward the kitchen.

"We're getting married!" Joe called to whoever might've been around to listen. 

"That was quick. And just in time for dinner." His mother chirped, as you were returned to solid ground.

"Quick? I've been tryin' to do that since sometime after highschool." Joe pointed, following as you sauntered further in the room, smoothing your clothes and hiding a blush. 

"I meant the two of you have spatted longer over the color of the sky." His mother held a whisk your way, while fixing her eyes on her son. "I'm glad you worked this one out in record time." 

Joe reached for your hand as you stood, listening best you could, all of your senses entirely preoccupied by the man at your side. 

"And have you finally come to this joyous conclusion?" His mother softened, abandoning her dishes to shuffle toward the two of you. She gave out hugs and squeaks of excitement and gasped before taking off around the corner. She beckoned the two of you to follow her, and after a shared chuckle you did. 

His mother was stood at the vanity in her room, waving the pair of you in. And after only a second of pilfering through draws, did she pull out a ring. She gave it to Joe and said it was his grandmothers. The spritely woman shot you a beaming wink before creeping out of the door she'd only just invited you into. 

Then it was just you and Joe. Like usual. At fucking last.

He said nothing as he reached out to pull you nearer. He bit back a smile as he slid the diamond on your finger. Joe broke your admiration of the thing by placing both his hands on either side of your face. And he kissed you like you always dreamed of being kissed. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him back like you always secretly longed to do. 

You spent the rest of that night squished between him and his family at the dinner table, like usual. They celebrated your news. And there was very little talk of where Joe was headed. But when he brought up the war and his leaving, he held your hand under the table and you felt the hug of the gold band around your finger and couldn't find reason to worry too much. You’d have time enough for that later. You'd miss him. You already did, a little. 

But you'd gotten through the worst yet, and come out of it hand in hand. But before he left, till heaven only knew when, you’d officially and always be together.

[nakedmossy]

Depth Over Distance - Part Eleven  [Rudy x Reader]

[A/N: Welcome back. Short chapter to get me back into it. Sorry I was away so long, I needed to find myself again. Took longer than expected but that’s life. Its not always sunshine and roses, sometimes its cloudy skies and roots that trip you up. As long as you have the courage to carry on and the hope that tomorrow will be better, then you’re already doing more than you did yesterday. Be calm, be kind, be safe...Mossy x]  

You woke up slowly, without opening your eyes, and listened to the rhythmic sound of Rudy’s breathing beside you. You were laying somewhere soft - the couch maybe - and the air was warm and smelled of burning cedar and cologne. You felt your chest tighten and the urgent need to inhale, to circulate oxygen to your limbs, to stretch. You started with your toes, feet, then your legs, and inhaled deeply into a yawn as you moved your arms out from under a blanket.

“Hey” You heard Rudy’s voice, low and gravelly, itching with concern. You felt his hand float around your hair, softly brushing the top of your head. The corner of your mouth twitched as you started to open your eyes, the soft glow of the fire casting shadows around the room, Rudy’s wild hair and broad shoulders silhouetted in front of you.

“Hey, Y/N, slow down” A firm hand pressed into your shoulder as you tried to sit forward. Gently coaxing you back, he brought a glass of water to your lips and helped you sip until you had cleared the dry lump in your throat. Licking your lips, you felt the words form in your mouth.

“I’m still mad at you”

Rudy laughed, deep and sharp, his head dropping between his shoulder blades, before his gaze found yours. You saw candles reflected in his eyes which were wet with tears, his brow furrowed and his mouth tight. The afternoon sun shone through the window and you could hear the light patter of rain on the roof.

“You gotta stop scaring me like that” He said quietly, his hand still brushing your hair lightly away from your face.

“You gotta start telling the truth” You rebutted without missing a beat. “The whole truth” you added when his face eluded to a forthcoming retort.

He pursed his lips and nodded in resignation once before leaning forward and standing up, walking past you into the kitchen.

You moved your head around slowly, stretching your neck and wincing whenever your forehead pulled at the cut. The fire was crackling gently and the embers danced around and up into the chimney, sparking and caressing the darkness. You relaxed into the couch again, thinking back to the conversation you had had with Rudy before you collapsed. The fog set in again, the dark nagging in the pit of your stomach. You heard his words repeating in your head like a broken record; its not mine, its not mine, its not mine. Your stomach turned; you were going to be sick.

You stood as quickly as you could, tossing the blanket to the side, and scrambled towards the bathroom clutching your stomach. You barely made it to the doorway before you began to retch into the sink. Rudy called your name once from the kitchen before you heard him outside the bathroom. You kicked the door shut and held it closed with your leg, gripping either side of the sink with sweaty palms.

“Go away” you called between gasps, spitting saliva into the sink. You grabbed the jug of water from below the sink once you were sure the wave had passed and rinsed the basin out. It took a few moments before you could look at yourself in the mirror and wipe your mouth clean, you were so tired.

A gentle knock at the door reminded you Rudy was outside. You swallowed once more before taking a deep breath and turning the handle, pulling the door slowly open. Rudy took a step back and let you walk out, waiting patiently for you to gather yourself.

“I’m fine. Sorry” You said quietly, unmoving. He swallowed once and looked at the bathroom, then back to you.

“I think we need to go back to the hospital.” He was more telling than asking.

“I’m fine. Its just....its been a lot.” You motioned around you at the last 72 hours in general. “I just need...some time to recover.”

“Y/N...” He started, but you put your hands up in protest.

“Rudy. Listen to me for once, I’m not dying. I’ve had a concussion before. I know what to expect.”

He pursed his lips and set his jaw, looking over your head and taking a breath before looking back at you.

“You feeling up for a walk then? I think we could both use the air.”

You nodded slowly and let your breath out before motioning towards the bedroom where your clothes still laid in a pile on the floor. Slipping your wool socks on and pulling a sweater gingerly over your head, you felt yourself let out a small laugh at how bizarre this whole week had been since Rudy showed up. You didn’t know if your life would ever be the same. In some ways you hoped it wouldn’t be, but you needed some sense of normality back.

When you stepped out onto the porch to slip your boots on you noticed that there was a fresh stack of firewood piled in the box under the window, and the axe was stuck into the flesh of the chopping block. You inhaled deeply, revelling at the smell of the wet earth and the steam rising from the mossy ground below you and the fresh cut cedar. Behind you Rudy clicked the door closed and zipped up his vest, his muscular arms covered by a tight base layer.

“Creek?” He asked quietly, you nodded and followed him down the stairs towards the trail that lined the creek bed and wound towards a break in the forest.

You both remained silent for a few moments before the moisture in the air lifted something from your chest and tickled your throat. You coughed once, your eyes pinching shut from the throbbing pain in your head at the onset of pressure. Rudys hand found yours and squeezed it tightly.

“So” You said after clearing your throat. “Are you gonna tell me the whole story now or do I have to wait another 3 days and get in another accident?”

You smiled as you said it, coyly, but Rudy struggled to do anything but cringe.

“What story, exactly?”

“At the party, your welcome home party, when we were standing in the parking lot by the fence. I asked you to tell me about Anna, and you said very distinctly ‘she’s just my manager, that’s it’. And I told you we would talk about it another time, and that you were a terrible liar.”

Rudy scoffed in recognition and smiled quietly, looking at the tree cover. “I remember”

“Well, now is that time.”

His strong shoulders stiffened a little and he walked with more vigour than he had before. You struggled to keep pace with him, catching your toe on roots and debris every few steps and swinging your arms to quicken yourself.

“I wasn’t happy. I’ll premise all of this by saying that.” He started, his voice tight. “I was working, I had a steady income, I was doing exactly what I set out to do....but” he shook his head lightly, his hair swaying in your peripherals. “...it didn’t matter because no matter how much I worked or how hard I partied or how much money I made, I had a void I couldn’t fill.”

You looked over at him and noticed that his pace was quickening again, now you were half jogging to stay beside him.

“I was lonely and nobody noticed, or cared.” He paused, his face flushed. “Anna did.”

You stayed quiet, observing his face, trying to keep your breathing from becoming panting, but you were starting to get dizzy.

“She was a temporary distraction. A way to pass the time. It sounds awful, but...shit, sorry” He put his arm out to slow you and calmed down from the aggressive speed he was ambling down the path. “Sorry.”

You shook your head and caught your breath, holding on to his arm as a wave of dizziness passed. When you nodded and started walking again he matched your pace, slightly behind you.

“Anyways, yeah. I knew it wasn’t serious, I was in it for the wrong reasons. We kept everything quiet, just went on a few dates and made them look like meetings....it was fun for 5 minutes. When I started to notice she was taking it seriously I backed off. Or tried to. It was messy and she started to threaten me, said she would tell everyone that I took advantage of her and that it was non-consensual, which of course was total bullshit but she was smart and she knew how to talk to people and she wouldn’t have had any problem ruining my career, my life. So I left.”

You took stock of what he had said and waited a few moments before speaking. The creek was loud beside you now, the water smooth over twigs and rocks, bubbling in the back-eddy’s, crashing over the shoreline. You heard a bird overhead and listened to the sound of thunder off in the distance. The sky was grey but the storm would pass around you, you knew these skies well.

“Rudy I am so, so sorry.” Your voice cracked as you spoke, turning to fully face him. “This is....”

“...a mess” He finished for you, nodding and looking around, his arms crossed and his muscles causing the fabric to stretch. You wanted to hug him, hit her, and burn the whole damn city of LA to the ground for the shit storm he found himself in.

“What did she say to your dad?”

“She lied, naturally. Tried to tell them that the kid was mine and that she would take me to court if I didn’t pay child support.” His face was reddening and his jawline flexed. You felt dizzy again, but focussed on deep breathing. “She’s trying to refuse a paternity test.”

Your gut twisted and you reached out to touch Rudy's arm, but he flinched and turned away. Confused, you withdrew your arm and waited.

"Sorry." He muttered, pinching his eyes shut and rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Im sorry. Come here"

He pulled you into a hug and rested his chin on top of your head.

"I just don't feel good about any of this. I dragged you into my shit and look what happened."

"Don't do that" you started, trying to pull away. The scent of Rudy mixed with the smell of the trees and wet earth was heady and intoxicating. He squeezed you tighter.

"Its the truth. I thought I could run away from this and I can't. It followed me here, to you. And i'm sorry for that."

"Im not." You said finally, pushing back far enough so you could see his face. “I’m not at all. I’m happy you came home.” The word ‘home’ sat heavily between you, littering the air with connotation. “You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

He frowned, unwillingly to accept your offer of companionship, still stuck in the deeply rooted feeling he had hurt you.

“Look at me” You said sternly, your voice sharp. He looked briefly, then looked away, so you lifted your hand to his face and forced his gaze back to you. “You’re not going through this alone. I notice, I care, and...I mean assuming you’re not going to get in your truck and leave me here to become bear bait....Im not letting you go through this by yourself. I will...I don’t know...politely ask her to pound sand and eat a dick if you need me to....or-”

“HA” He barked a laugh suddenly before grabbing your hand from his cheek and bringing it to his chest. “You’re ridiculous. But thank you.” He said genuinely. “Seriously.”

You stood in a contented silence for a few moments before he spoke again.

“Lets head back. I want to have a fire tonight.” He smiled, grabbing your hand.

“I saw.” You cooed before squeezing his hand back, falling in beside him.

The air was cooling and the sun was low, setting below the tree line. The air felt cleaner, clearer, easier to breathe. You walked in silence, both of you equally enjoying the peace that you found in the old growth forest. The soft packed earth below your feet like a wet sponge, the trees strongly shading you from the moisture packed clouds above. Something settled in you, set in your chest, calmed you. You felt happy.

_____________________________________

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[intopermanence]

And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand an go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy’s and talk about the day and type up your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don’t listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you’re sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the tv programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair our eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse your and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you’re late and be amazed when you’re early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I’m black and be sorry when I’m wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I’d known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you’re angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you’re gorgeous and hug you when you’re anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I’m next to you and whimper when I’m not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don’t and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I’m rejecting you when I’m not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I’d ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don’t believe me and have a feeling so deep I can’t find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I’d get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don’t want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don’t mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it’s empty without you and want what you want and think I’m loosing myself but know I’m safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don’t deserve any less and answer your questions when I’d rather not and tell you the truth when I really don’t want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it’s all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it’s beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the/ overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.

Sarah Kane, from The Complete Plays: “Crave”

[writingwife-83]

Trope duo ask! 27, 39?

This one as well had to wait in the wings until I had a bit more time. Thanks for sending it! This is also taken from the trope duo prompt list. It’s a combo of “loss” and “reflex affection.”

Without Thinking

“Y’know, just when I think we’re getting somewhere!” Molly bellowed, marching into 221B. “You pull something like this and absolutely prove to me that you’re as selfish as ever!”

Sherlock adjusted his suit jacket, giving her a somewhat weary look.

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about, Molly, but regardless, I really don’t have time at the moment to-“

“Of course you don’t,” Molly scoffed, hands perched on her hips. “You leave my kitchen in an absolute wreck for me when I come home from a twelve hour, overnight shift!”

Sherlock sighed, looking as if his memory had just been jogged. “Ah yes, that’s right. I do recall being in the middle of something when I got an urgent call this morning. Apologies, Molly, it won’t happen again.”

“There’s no reason for it to happen at all, Sherlock! That’s rude and inconsiderate! And there’s no reason for you abuse the fact that I allow you to crash at my flat sometimes, so maybe I should just-“

“My uncle has just died.”

Molly halted, her mouth hanging open mid sentence as Sherlock’s statement sunk in. She’d barely managed to close her mouth as Sherlock continued explaining.

“I was passing the time in your flat this morning when I got a call from my mother. My uncle Rudy had been found dead in his home. Natural causes are assumed, given his age and the fact that he took rubbish care of himself and had a host of underlying health conditions. But regardless, my parents expected Mycroft and I to hurry over as soon as possible.”

“Oh my God,” Molly murmured, completely deflated now. “God, Sherlock I am so- I feel so terribly-“

She struggled with a verbal apology, the idea of familial loss instantly making her ache inside. Somehow, without much forethought, Molly found herself stumbling forward and colliding with Sherlock’s chest, wrapping her arms around his middle and hugging him tight.

It was only after she’d done it that it occurred to her she’d never really done that sort of thing with Sherlock before. Probably the closest thing was the few times she’d woken up to find his arm draped over her in the morning when he’d crawled into her bed overnight. This was so different, seeing as they were both conscious.

Sherlock’s hands tentatively came to rest on her back, attempting to participate despite his obviously being taken aback.

“I am genuinely sorry about the mess,” Sherlock voiced softly.

“Sherlock, don’t you dare apologize about that now!” Molly chided him, her face still pressed against his chest. “You have a perfectly reasonable excuse, and I have absolutely no excuse for behaving the way I just did!”

“Full disclosure, I wasn’t close to my uncle at all. And he was, quite frankly, a miserable old man who left a bit of a mess for my family to pick up after.” She felt his fingers grip her back a little more warmly. “Please don’t assume I’m currently some sort of emotional wreck...though, I admit your level of care is very much appreciated.”

Sherlock's arms slid more fully around her shoulders then, and he hugged her back. Really hugged her. And as she felt his cheek come to rest on top of her head, Molly smiled against his shirt.

[carpe-diiem]

And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy's and talk about the day and type up your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don't listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you're sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the tv programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till youcome home and worry when you're late and be amazed when you're early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I'm black and be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I'd known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you're angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you're gorgeous and hug you when you're anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I'm next to you and whimper when I'm not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don't and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I'm rejecting you when I'm not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I'd ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don't believe me and have a feeling so deep I can't find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I'd get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don't want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don't mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it's empty without you and want what you want and think I'm losing myself but know I'm safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don't deserve any less and answer your questions when I'd rather not and tell you the truth when I really don't want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it's all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it's beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.

Crave by Sarah Kane