#{/i was just feeling unreasonably pissed about it that day and remembered i had JUST}

[myfictionaldreams]

Day 12: Orgasm Delay/Denial - Lloyd Hansen

Summary: He was a maniac. All it took was one guy to look at you for a second too long and now you’re being mercifully edged with no joy in sight

Tags: 18+ readers only, smut, dubious content, misogynistic, controlling behaviour, violence, coercion, possessive/obsessive, Stockholm syndrome!, manipulation, sex toys (nipple suckers, rabbit vibrator, wand vibrator, anal plug), overstimulation, dacryphilia, restraints, masturbation, degradation, squirting, orgasm delay/denial, pain/pleasure - lol get ready for this one

masterlist 📚 

kinktober masterlist😈 

AO3 Link 

Lloyd was pissed off. More than pissed off, he was livid if the vein bulging in his temple was a sign to go by. He was near psychotic, unreasonable, verging on masochistic, and he enjoyed every single second, even though he had thoroughly ruined date night.

It was a beautiful evening that you would remember for years to come. What had made it even better was the elated, joyous mood Lloyd had been in at the start of the date. To begin with, he surprised you with an eye-watering expensive dress that exposed a lot of your skin but extenuate it to perfect. Next, he took his personal helicopter to tour around the city, watching the sunset with his arm tightly wrapped around your waist, delicate kisses along your bare shoulder as he whispered words of affirmation into the shell of your ear.

To finish the perfect date, he found a beautiful bar that overlooked the city as it came to life overnight. The most expensive wine was ordered as he looked at no one but you. His thick fingers would gently caress your thighs along your delicate shoulders and discuss how your lives had changed for the better over the last few years. You were in love, and evidently, so was he.

Of course, all nice things come to an end when Lloyd is involved. Some days, he would be obsessively infatuated with you, the sweetest man you’d ever met, better than anyone you’d ever been with. Then there was the side of Lloyd that you still loved, but it was sadistic, crazed and unpredictable. Maybe you were just as psychotic as him for loving this side of him, but it did make you feel well protected, even if his methods were extreme.

Lloyd made the mistake of taking his eyes off you as he dared to look over your shoulder at the man staring up and down at your outfit.

“Why is he looking at you like that?” Lloyd's voice was chipper despite his eyes blazing with venom towards the stranger. Turning your head in the man's direction, you watched as he quickly looked away towards the city, having obviously been staring at you and now been caught.

Shivering at the uncomfortable feeling of someone looking at you, you turned back to Lloyd whilst shrugging your shoulders, attempting to move on. “I don't know. Anyway, you were talking about Italy. When can we go?”

Something ticks in his tense jaw, the only signal that something had switched in him. The blue of his eyes darkened as he lowered his face to harden his gaze. Lloyd just fixes his stare on the man and doesn’t look away for even a second, not even to blink, as he lets go of your body to clench his fists.

“Why the fuck is he looking at my girl?” Even though Lloyd's words were possessive and sour, his face displayed a shit-eating grin as he absolutely loved the thrill of his aggression.

Still attempting to hold onto hope that the date wouldn’t be ruined, you gently cupped his cheeks and turned his head to face you, but his eyes still looked towards the offending stranger. “Lloyd, please don’t do this; we were having such a nice night. Come on, let’s return to the hotel and have some drinks.” Your fingers gently brushed against his shaved cheeks, grazing over the edge of his moustache, hoping the touch would be comforting.

Finally, after a couple of seconds of anticipation, Lloyd flicked his eyes to you, the gaze softening only fractionally as he exclaimed, “Why the fuck would we do that when we are just about to have so much fun here”.

Without another word, he stands and straightens his maroon-coloured polo shirt and begins to walk away from your table. All hope you’d been holding on to was lost, knowing there was nothing you could do as all hell broke loose.

Somehow, as his hands had been off you, he’d been able to call for help on his phone under the table, so the next moment, the rooftop was covered with Llloyds men, weapons in hand and causing chaos.

As per Lloyds protection and instructions, you were swiftly moved out of the restaurant and into a black SUV to wait in anticipation for whatever mood Lloyd would be returning in. Looking out the window, you admired the peace and calm of the street, not a single person in sight, compared to the horrors that were probably occurring all those floors up with Lloyd and his team. The food you’d eaten seemed to be sitting uncomfortably in your stomach, skin crawling with nerves that wouldn’t settle as time slowly ticked by.

This wasn’t the first time your boyfriend had done something like this, but it all stemmed from one past mistake. Lloyd was always quick to react, eliminating people just because he could, but after too many people had been killed because they had talked or even looked at you, you demanded that he not do it for you anymore; you couldn’t take the guilt. Then, the next time you were out, a guy came over to you in a club to chat you up as Lloyd went to the toilet. He later informed you that he’d noticed the guy staring but was trying to stick to his promise not to kill everyone he thought necessary. This was the one time you needed him, though, as the guy didn’t take no for an answer and had grabbed your arm to the point of bruising, calling you a slut and saying you were going to do whatever he wanted. Thankfully, this was when your boyfriend returned with a sadistic grin and lethal weapons that eradicated the horrible man. Since then, he had sworn to continue his protection plan; as fucked up and deranged as it was, he hated people looking at what was his.

The driver clambering into the car was the first thing to snap you out of your daydream. Next was Lloyd, who climbed in next to you, casual as ever, even though his expensive clothes and handsome face were coated in sprays of blood. “Back to the hotel, please, Michael”, came his surprisingly calm voice.

After your brief look over for any injuries, you don’t look back at Lloyd, instead opting to look out of the window so you don’t have to look at all the blood that covered him. However, you could still smell the distinct metallic scent wafting in the air and the burning through the back of your head as Lloyd’s eyes stared at you.

“Oh, so what? You’re annoyed at me now? I just killed that guy for you, Sunshine, you can’t go ignoring me”.

You don’t say anything as he continues to goad and ridicule you for ignoring him until he grips your cheeks with his blood-stained hands and forces your face towards him. “I have given you everything, Pumpkin. You can’t ignore me now. Only I’m allowed to look at you; do I make myself clear? That asshole had it coming to him. You’re mine, understand? You just make me do crazy things sometimes. Now come here, kiss me; we were having such a nice date before he interrupted us”.

You wanted to shout at him, tell him how manipulative he was being, something that he was trying to improve for your sake, but you knew he was in a headspace that shouldn’t be pushed anymore. Pouting your lips, you closed your eyes to try and forget that he was covered in blood as he leaned in and surprised even himself with how gently his lips pressed against yours.

Sitting back to look at your mouth, Lloyd frowned, “you’re angry at me”, he stated, an obvious fact. You didn’t answer but continued to look at him with an emotionless expression. The muscular thug shrugged and leaned in again for a firmer kiss, but this time, it was interrupted by the clink and coolness around your wrist as he attached a handcuff to your wrist that had been resting in your lap.

“Lloyd? What the fuck are you doing? Take this off of me”, you demand with a frown, pulling on the metal cuff, knowing that it wasn’t going to go off, and this one simple move from your boyfriend determined how the rest of the night would go. His large hand cupped around yours, lifting your fingers to his lips, then nuzzling it into his cheek, the coolness of the handcuff biting into his skin and smearing the blood further.

“You know how I get when I’m in one of these moods”, he says so softly it has your heart cracking to move closer to him but soon snapping out of it when you remember your current predicament. Your heart began to beat faster with the inclining of fear that now pulsed through you, mixed with the excitement pooling in your core.

You knew what he was referring to. When he was in these possessive moods, he liked to remind you that you were his in every way possible. So you didn’t fight him and allowed him to cuff your other wrist, and then both waited patiently for the remainder of the drive to finish.

Lloyd carried you over his broad shoulder once back to the hotel. Not one of the staff stopped him, even though he and the rest of the crew were covered in drying blood. In the safety of the elevator, it was only the two of you as the box ascended to the highest floor. Kicking your feet slightly, you reminded him, “I can walk, you know. You don’t have to make me look like a victim with me thrown over your shoulder”.

Lloyd could hear the jest in your tone, so the spank to your arse only caused you to jump slightly; it didn’t hurt at all. His expensive shoes clicked on the marble floor as you both arrived at your penthouse room, lavish and costly and entirely a way for him to show off further to you.

He walked straight to the bedroom, dropping you inelegantly onto the bouncing mattress. Looking down at your once beautiful dress, you felt disheartened to see it was now stained with blood from the now presumed dead man. Due to your wrists still being cuffed, you had to lie back rather than rest on your elbows, so Lloywd had to crawl over you, hovering close as he asked slowly, “Are you going to be good for me? Do everything that I tell you without fighting?”

Your eyes flicked from his perfect lips, specifically his moustache that had always been your favourite, up to his bemused crystal-blue eyes. “Of course”, you answered sweetly, trying to butter him up with the hopes that he wouldn’t be as mean as you knew he was planning to be. Nodding his head and causing the longer hair on the top of his head to fall into his face, he moved you further up the bed, removing the handcuff from one wrist but only so he could attach it to either side of the bed posts.

After that, both of your feet were naked as he removed your stilettos, and then your ankles were strapped to the opposite corners until you were starfished in the middle of the plush sheets. Next, he's waving his trusty knife up for you to see before he teased it along your collarbone and nicked the top of your dress between your breasts.

With a simple grip of his hands, the beautiful dress tore into two pieces until you were left in just your black lacy lingerie. This wasn’t even saved as he cut off your underwear entirely, and the chill of the air caused a deep shiver to purr through your body.

Lloyd admired the way your nipples hardened under his gaze, but he didn’t stay for long as he began to walk away into where you remembered the bathroom to be. You’re cold without his burning gaze, and the anticipation was killing you, especially as you knew how long this night was going to be, just wanting it to start already so he could finally touch you, even though it wasn’t going to be all positive.

When the heavy footsteps returned, you were half asleep, head dozing and eyes shut. Your arms, shoulders and legs were beginning to ache from being held in the same position; even though you were unsure of the time, it felt to have been nearing half an hour. Blinking your eyes, you found your boyfriend standing at the base of the bed. Thankfully, having showered all the blood away, he now stood in only a towel. You watched a specific drip of water fall from the wet strands on the top of his head, drip onto his muscular shoulder, down his peck, over the well-defined abs and absorbed into his towel.

Licking your lips, you wish you could have trailed the path of the water with your tongue. However, all thoughts disappeared from your mind as Lloyd removed his towel, standing there proud and arrogant in al all his glory.

This horny hunger again disintegrated from your thoughts as you watched him walk to a black bag that was resting on the floor next to the wall. Your mouth dried, pulling with desperation on the restraints to see if they could come free, not that there was anywhere for you to go, but this was the thing you’d been dreading and hoping maybe luck was on your side, and Lloyd wouldn’t go through with it.

The bag was nicknamed his ‘best friend’. It had everything he could possibly need to torment and tease you into submission. Everywhere he travelled, that bag came, just in case, he would say to force fear into your heart. Tonight was going to be a long night indeed.

Returning to the bed, he had an assortment of sex toys. Every single one was enough to pleasure you to the point of orgasm, so to have them all for him to use was your worst nightmare. There was one thing that Lloyd was: a tease, loving nothing more than pleasuring you to that beautiful peak, just to allow it to flutter away without any fulfilment. Sometimes he liked to edge you with his cock, fingers or mouth and then, others, he would choose from his bag of goodies. It was his ultimate show of control, to not only know your body as well as he does but to be able only to allow you to cum whenever he wanted.

“Lloyd, please, can we do something else? I just want to cuddle with my baby.” You tried to put on a sickly sweet voice to convince him otherwise, but he ignored you, organising the toys on the sheets between your legs.

His eyes lit up as he decided what he would start with first. Crawling up your body, he avoided looking into your eyes as he zoned in on your still-perked nipples. Without so much as a warning, he’s licking and sucking one of your nipples into his warm mouth. Your head fell back onto the pillow as you moaned lowly at the gentle touch.

However, you yelped as your nipple was vacuumed into the nipple sucker, one of the toys he’d found in his bag. Looking down your body, you could see your nipple and part of your areoles were puffy and sucked into the pump, which was transparent and had a purple bulb at the top to press to increase the suction. Lloyd repeated this with the other nipple until both were contained and sucked into the toys; any little movement, including breathing, sent deep pulses of tingles between your legs, verging on painful with how powerful the toys were.

“Perfect! What next? Um, oh yes, this will be great”. Lloyd was muttering to himself as he contemplated what to play with next and decided on the small vibrating butt plug, lubing the tip before moving it towards your hole.

With your nipples constantly stimulated, you were keening towards the plug, relaxing your body and blowing out air through your mouth to prepare yourself. You’d had this pretty pink plug many times before, and it was so small that it didn’t cause discomfort as he slowly pushed it in, stretching your asshole until it reached the plug's base until it slipped right in.

It didn’t help when he wiggled the toy until it was comfortable and deep within your ass. You were trying not to react, knowing what was to come would be so significantly more intense that you needed to save your energy.

Another purple device was waved at you from where he sat between your legs, still naked and cock standing proud between his legs but going neglected as he continued to place toys throughout your body. The purple toy he had now was one of your favourites, a rabbit vibrator.

Two of his thick fingers were suddenly poking at your folds, parting them to find your entrance and discovering the wetness that had gathered there.

“Oh naughty girl”, he grins, and then just as slowly as with the plug, he pushed the length of the rabbit vibrator into your cunt until the little ears of the device rested against your clit.

With one last look up to your face, Lloyd turned the rabbit to its gentlest setting so you could feel the rotation of the length within and the vibrations against your throbbing clit. He then turned on the vibrating plug, which was shifting inside you due to the rabbit vibrator. Both of these toys, along with your nipples being sucked on, had your entire body warming, no longer chilled from being naked.

Lloyd admires you briefly, from how your breath continued to hitch, the shiver that would burst through you every few seconds, to the apparent display of arousal on your face. He was mesmerised, and his pulsing cock began to ache from being ignored for all of this time, so he quickly moved to straddle your waist.

You stared at his big frame from the toned thighs that held his body above your middle, up over his hips and well-defined abs. He was a handsome artwork that you could happily stare at all day. Lloyd knew this. He knew just how much you were attracted to him, just as he was to you, so he added this to his torment. With his eyes only on you, he began to cup his balls, squeezing them before slowly running his gripped hand up and down his shaft.

You couldn’t help the moan from tumbling out of your trembling lips at seeing him pleasure himself, especially as you knew he was this turned on because he was looking down at you. You had to watch and not touch even though this was all you wanted to do right now was feel his velvety shaft, play with his balls and taste his salty juices.

His scent came over you, a mix of his fresh body wash and the undertone of his cock that additionally was your downfall as you lifted your head to try and get closer to him, but he just adjusted his position so that your mouth couldn't reach. 

“Lloyd, please!” you finally succumb to your little whimpers and beg for him to move forward, needing to taste him to please him and yourself.

“Whattttt?” he says sarcastically, smiling down evilly at you whilst continuing to squeeze his cock and thrust into his hips, which only caused his beautiful body to become more defined in its sculpture.

Your mouth was salivating to have a taste of him, and the deep vibrations between your legs were driving you slowly insane, already feeling like you were approaching the orgasm you knew Lloyd wouldn’t allow you to have.

“Please, Lloyd”.

He lowered his body slightly so you could feel the hair covering his thighs and arse on your stomach. “What do you want? Tell me Pumpkin. What do you want from me? Because I’ve just killed a guy for you, and so far, all I’ve got from you is being ignored and disrespected, so whatever it is that you want, I don’t really think you deserve it”. He then boasted about his pleasure but gently thrust into his hand repeatedly, making sure to caress the head of his cock with his rough fingers.

You were rolling your hips in time with his like it was his cock that was slowly pulsing inside of your cunt, even though the rabbit was smaller than his girth. “Please, Lloyd, let me suck you off!”

“Hmm, no”, he declared dramatically before leaning back and turning up the rabbit vibrator so that it was both moving inside of you faster and vibrating more intensely. Your moans increase with more volume as your head falls back onto the pillow once more as you try and keep yourself grounded, even though it was becoming increasingly more difficult as you couldn't even rub your legs together for comfort.

As your wet cunt walls tighten with your arousal and impending orgasm, the toy begins to slip out. Your boyfriend notices, but only because your whimpers become more desperate. Pushing the device back in, he holds it there as he continues to jerk himself off.

It seemed he was closer than you were because just as you were about to declare how close you were, he was cumming, thick white streaks of seed spurting out of his cock and over your chest. You watch, mesmerised by his groans, almost pornographic movements of his hips thrust forward, and eyes rolling with pleasure.

This was the exact moment where your body began to buck and clench in preparation to orgasm; just a couple more seconds, and you’d find some relief. However, as you began to shift, your handcuffs rattled, and Lloyd returned to the moment. The rabbit dildo was suddenly removed from your pussy which was left to pulse, and the orgasm disappeared without finding its peak.

“No! Lloyd, please, let me cum, I’ll do anything, please!” Your begs were ignored by the man now waving the wet sex toy around in the air, giving it an obscene lick to taste your juices.

“Taste so fucking good when you're turned on like this Sunshine”, Lloyd declared before scooping up some of his cum from your chest and smearing it on your cheek in a degrading way. “There’s no way you’re cumming tonight, Princess. You don’t deserve it, I’m afraid”.

The nipple suckers and butt plug remained in place, but due to the edging process, they were never enough to bring you completely over the edge; they just continued to keep you highly aroused. Lloyd decided to try and different method, wanting to be close to the action as he led on his stomach between your legs and began to finger fuck you with his long fingers, curling right into your gummy walls.

Each time you were edged, he moved on to a different method. The time following his fingers, his mouth then circled your clit, sucking and flicking, his moustache adding extra stimulation until you were close to tears. Each time he edged you, it took less time to get you to the point of euphoria. Your clit was throbbing and swollen to the point it was nearly painful, and your burning hole from all of the stimulation, your labia puffy from being spread so many times. The tops of your thighs and sheets beneath were drenched with all of your juices seeping out; even your asshole was feeling sensitive with the plug still within, but the batteries had thankfully died a while back to give you some relief.

Until Lloyd realised this and reinserted the rabbit vibrator again, turning it on and finding a vibrating wand that was powerful enough on its own, let alone with all the other toys. For a brief second, you contemplated shouting your safe word as the wand pressed on your already overstimulated clit. You were crying, pleading until your throat ached to cum.

On the other hand, Lloyd was having a great time, seeing just how far he could take this before you truly broke. “Maybe I should have kept him alone, brought him back here with us just to show you off a bit. Let him sit back and watch how I get to decide when you’re orgasming because you’re mind, isn’t that right, princess?”

“Yes! I belong to you and only you, please, Lloyd I can’t keep going; I need to cum!”

Just as his plump mouth opens, probably to degrade you a bit more, his phone begins to buzz. You assume he would have ignored it, but he does the opposite, “You’ve got to be quiet for me, Sunshine”. He keeps the vibrator held onto your clit, but with the other hand, he slides across the screen and puts the call onto speaker, then rests the phone on your stomach.

“Hello?” he answers obnoxiously, turning up the control on the vibrator.

“Lloyd? You there? It sounds like you’re near construction. Do you want me to call you back?” came the unrecognisable voice on the other end of the call.

“No, sorry, just a little busy, but I can talk. What’s up?”

You had to hold your breath to try and not make any moaning or crying noises. It was an effort to stop from cumming, let alone not wither around and cause his phone to fall off. Everything was becoming entirely too overwhelming for you, and just as you were about to whisper your safe word, the phone call ended.

“Aww, Princess are you crying? Do you wanna cum that bad? You do look a little sore, and you were so good for me on the phone”. You couldn’t form any words, so you nodded hard enough to become dizzy, needing that orgasm more than air right now. “Ok, you can orgasm for me, honey”. The vibrator presses harder against your body as hearing those magic words; you were pretty sure you would have came even without the stimulation.

Your entire body tensed as you finally orgasmed. Your wrists and ankles ached from being pulled on so tightly, your abdomen muscles were hurting from the amount of tensing and your nipples and between your legs were burning and throbbing with how overstimulated they all were. You orgasmed so hard that you were sure you blacked out for a couple of seconds as squirt sprayed Lloyd’s chest.

The pulsing of your cunt didn’t stop even as your orgasm began to subside. Lloyd couldn’t take his eyes off of your pussy, even as he began to remove all of the toys. Eventually, he had to, though, as he needed to inspect that there wasn’t any lasting damage, trying to determine what kind of aftercare you needed.

Your nipples were permanently plumped and a darker shade from being sucked on for so long, and you needed some sort of cream between your legs. As well as the rest of your body that needed a warm bath to help your muscles not hurt as much tomorrow and clean the juices away.

Even though you were half-conscious, you were aware that you’d be untied and were currently being carried somewhere else, but you didn’t care, only just managing to calm your shakes enough that you were trembling slightly instead.

Lloyd tried to calm you down the only way he knew best: condescension and gaslighting.

“Aww, Sunshine, you did so well for me. I guess I couldn’t really blame that guy for staring at you. You looked so beautiful tonight; maybe I should have been flattered instead to have a girl like you on my arm”.

You couldn’t answer, mainly because the thought of trying to think of a coherent sentence seemed like a mammoth task, so you just stayed quiet, clinging to his neck as your life depended on it. Your boyfriend stepped the two of you into the deep bathtub before filling it with warm water that lapped at your body, convincing it to relax.

Finally, you felt defeated, and even Lloyd didn’t have any words to say as you cuddled in the water. “I love you”, you say, meaning in completely because despite how fucked up he was, he was still yours.

“I love you too, Sunshine”.

[nohoney]

bae now you're LEGALLY required to write something about c&c touya and reader taking care of their newborn. my heart ACHES

legally required you say (￢‿￢ )

Touya remembers the days of rolling out of bed from being out late at night, his body still exhausted and his head pounding with a hangover, needing more sleep, needing food in his stomach, and needing coffee and a smoke after a tiring night.

He’d go out to the balcony, light up a cigarette and inhale nicotine in between sips warm coffee.

The pairing he still believes is the best and can’t be topped.

He still drinks coffee but he’s given up the smoking, and instead of looking out at the balcony, now he looks out into the small backyard of the house you and him bought together. His body is exhausted after the long nights he’s had, but instead of being disgruntled by it, Touya holds no resentment.

Not with his newborn son being the reason why he’s tired.

“What’s with the face? You grumpy, hm? Got a bad attitude in the morning just like your mum?” Touya speaks to his son in his arms, fascinated with how his baby looks so curious but sometimes scrunching his little face like he doesn’t understand something. “Or maybe you’re making that face because you want her instead?”

Speaking of which, you shuffle out into the living room, pulling your arms through a cardigan and stifling a yawn. “There’s my boys,” you announce with a tired smile, “whatcha doing?”

“Nothing much, I was talking to him about his face. He was looking kinda pissed for a little.” Touya walks away from the sliding doors, carefully transferring his son into your arms and helping you sit down on the couch. His son makes a squirmy little sound but recognizes that he’s with his mother, turning his head when you coo over him.

It makes Touya feel sappy to see this before him, but he knows that once there’s crying or a soiled nappy, the feeling will momentarily leave until the baby is all settled.

“Gonna brew some coffee. You want your tea?” Touya offers and is given a little affirming hum from you, “You want breakfast too?”

“Yeah, I’m hungry.”

There’s been very little energy to cook since bringing the baby home. Touya remembers the second day wanting to make eggs but his body was too exhausted from staying up with you as you breastfed your baby in the early hours of the morning and then falling asleep when his son was full. Your mom was right to suggest prepping meals ahead of time and freezing them.

While the coffee brews, Touya is warming a frozen meal into a pot. He smells the coffee in the air and he sighs a little wistfully; he misses the cigarettes. Not even the little vape that he used as a substitute was touched after you reached your third trimester. The routine of stepping outside for a smoke was dearly missed.

He’s got your favorite mug filled with hot tea as he approaches you in the living room, only to find you sniffling and weeping a little. He was told that baby blues are normal and has been keeping vigilant whenever you have these moments.

“Doll? What’s wrong?” He asks you gently, putting the cup on a coaster first. Three days after bringing the baby home, you had burst into tears when Touya had put your cup of water down on the coffee table without a coaster, unreasonably lamenting about water rings on the wood.

You wipe at your tears and sniffle first, letting out an embarrassed laugh before telling him, “I don’t know. I told you I was hungry and then all of a sudden I felt like I wasn’t hungry, but I could already hear you warming up the food in the kitchen. And then I just started spiraling about how I was wasting your time making breakfast that I’m not even sure I wanted anymore.”

He leans over to kiss your forehead, murmuring that it’s okay but most like you are hungry and that he’ll take the baby so that you could eat in peace.

By the time you’re finished eating, you do feel better and your son starts getting a little squirmy to indicate that it’s his turn. You make yourself comfortable in the armchair and unfasten the strap to your top, sighing when your son latches at your nipple and talking softly as he’s fed. “Hey, no nodding off just yet. Gotta make sure your tummy’s full so that you can sleep.”

It’s been about nine days since the baby has been home, and it almost feels surreal to Touya that almost every conversation you and him have had together centers around the baby boy. Talking about things like the little hairs on his head, how he blinks, the way he seems to recognize Touya’s music when it’s played, and having whole conversations about what’s considered normal inside of a nappy. When your sister and her husband spoke of their own daughter when she was a newborn, Touya couldn’t really understand the fascination that they had.

Now he gets it.

[ceriisetheflower]

Self Care (M)

omega!renjun

wc: 4.8k

synopsis: renjun decides to take on his first heat the best way he knows how, as luxuriously as possible.

cw: smut...a lot of it. in immense detail. sex toys, pornography, multiple orgasms, unrealistic amounts of cum, stomach bulge, male squirting/watersports (depending on what you consider squirt to be lmao), overstimulation, cum eating, dildo sucking, mentions of fictional heat related illnesses, america-centric world building, a bitch with no friends attempting friendly dialogue.

a/n: well here it is! first full fic. believe it or not this was meant to be no longer than 1k, then i realized i get kinda pissed when fics don't include enough context for elements in the fic so i'd be a hypocrite if i didn't paint a likely unnecessarily vivid picture. feedback is much appreciated!

we love u very dearly junnie B💛

❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈

The sound of the dryer finishing its freshly washed load of delicates interrupted his fifth run through of his checklist. “Ok, let’s see….lube? Check. Waterproof blankets? Check. Three hour long Alpha on Alpha porn playlist? Check.” Renjun finally sighed with relief. It’s not everyday he obsesses over the amount of lube he has in his arsenal (he restocks his eight oz bottle of sliquid sassy every eight weeks on the dot), but it’s a special occasion. The special occasion.

He rebukes the term “late-bloomer”, despite the average age for an omega’s first heat occurring around eighteen. Renjun has always justified his lack of mating cycles with his ever present practicality. “You were absolutely ridiculous for a week straight until your heat broke.” He recalls to Donghyuck during their semi-regularly scheduled facetime catch-up they’ve adopted post grad school.

“I had so much going on freshman year, it would’ve made no sense for me to have to deal with a heat. Twenty-four is a way better age anyways, my prefrontal cortex is like eighty-five percent done, I can actually handle my brain being scrambled eggs for five days”. He says passively, ignoring the unimpressed look coming from the boy on the other side of the phone.

He unfortunately remembers the horrors of hearing Donghyuck’s first heat through their paper mache dorm room walls when they were eighteen, and the next heat three months later, and the next eighteen heats he endured as Donghyuck’s roommate. He’s convinced the boy has had enough heats for the both of them, especially considering Renjun was held solely responsible for ensuring his dear friend didn’t die of hunger or dehydration through them. It's a thankless job, but someone had to do it.

“Right, so I guess twenty-four is also the age where you’re finally gonna finish growing huh? Prime time to finally reach big boy height.” Donghyuck quips back, taking a break from grading assignments to goad the blonde boy giving him a deadpan stare through the phone.

“Bitch you’re literally 5’6 1/2 what are you talking about?” Renjun retorts, “it’s no way you’re calling me short when you just complained about how you cant find shoe lifts in canada.” Donghyuck widens his eyes in shock. “Talking about shoe lifts when you just begged me to ask Doyoung if he could hem those jeans 6 inches shorter is crazy work Renjun.” 

They continue their childlike bickering over their similarly petite frames for an unreasonable amount of time, before Donghyuck remembers the real reason for today’s meeting. “Ok but seriously, how are you feeling about this whole thing? I know it’s kinda a lot at once, be honest with me?” Donghyuck starts. He woke up two days ago to Renjun’s frenzied calls, knowing his friend was well aware that waking hours for him in Atlanta were still Donghyuck’s “dead to the world” hours in Vancouver, he was for certain there was an actual emergency.

Renjun had woken up with a pounding headache, abdominal cramps, and the unsettlingly wet mouth feel that comes right before vomiting. He knew what that meant, but refused to actually confront what was happening until Donghyuck got a look at him and convinced him to go to the omega urgent care. Donghyuck sat on the phone with him while he waited for the doctor, cheered as Renjun got the confirmation he was in pre-heat (much to Renjun’s dismay), and helped him pick the best painkillers to aid his cramps and headache. It was the best he could do from another country, fighting the urge to book a flight to go support his best friend in what’s easily the most important event in an omega's life. His husband only barely managed to convince him it was unnecessary and that they could just send him a nice care package in the mail on expedited shipping, Mark was always the level headed one in the relationship.

Renjun sighed before he could answer. “To keep it one-hundred percent real with you, I’m terrified. Like am I gonna be okay? What if I fuck up somehow and I end up never being able to have kids or something insane? Anything could happen?” Renjun said, ever the worrywort and full of trepidation about new experiences. Donghyuck scoffed, rolling his eyes at the catastrophization of the world’s most natural activity. “Friend, how could you possibly fuck up jerking off? You’ve had a solid twelve years of experience for this, relax!” Renjun shut his eyes and huffed in annoyance, “Obviously that’s not what I’m worried about idiot. I’m worried that I won’t be able to actually satisfy myself through the whole thing, and you know what happens if I can’t be fully satisfied.” Donghyuck sighs in acknowledgement.

Continuous Heating Syndrome, colloquially known as a heat frenzy, is a rare but unfortunate side effect of a heat that goes unsatiated. Nonstop migraines, vomiting, loss of motor function, seizures, or shit...even worse. Donghyuck has heard horror stories of omegas having perfectly normal heats that turn into three week stints at the hospital after they couldn’t break. Scary shit. Rare for all omegas, but increasingly likely for an unmated omega without consistent access to a knot, a category which Renjun unfortunately falls into. “Look at it this way” Donghyuck starts, “It’s not like you have no options at all. You don’t necessarily have to do this alone.” Renjun grimaces. He knows exactly where Donghyuck is going with this, and he’s not even remotely here for it.

 “I’m not calling the heat hotline.” Renjun was scared, not desperate. He had no reason to hire a random Alpha who needed extra money to come fuck him for five days straight, he could figure something else out for sure. “Oh girl please!” Donghyuck exclaims, “That’s literally exactly what you need right now! They’re super strict about testing so you won’t have to worry about that, plus it’s covered by your insurance? What is the issue?” Renjun rolls his eyes, ‘The issue is that you think i’m supposed to just randomly fuck the first alpha who doesn’t look like he snuck on the planet just to stop myself from going into a coma, I have options bitch!” 

Donghyuck scoffs, “Sure you do. Is now the time when Jen and Jae finally jump through the screen of their newest edging scene to keep you company through your heat? Porn only takes you so far, friend.” Renjun hates that Donghyuck knows him well enough to know he’s been anxiously scouring his favorite alpha pornstars’ onlyfans to find some semblance of relief through his rapidly approaching week of agony. “I have toys! So many toys! I don’t need an alpha at all, I have like six different vibrating cocks to choose from” Renjun grumbled. He was a fully self sufficient twenty-four year old omega who doesn’t need an alpha! Or so he continues to force himself to believe.

“If you’re gonna be stubborn about it, the least you can do is be safe.” Donghyuck says, his worried expression softening the defensive stance Renjun has adopted. “You do have someone nearby right? Just in case you need someone to check in on you in person?” “Of course, Yangyang and Chenle are in the building down the street, if I need a restock on anything or if I start overheating and dying I can call them.” Renjun replies, in an attempt to calm his friend from his concerns. “You’re not gonna die girl. Especially since I found the perfect thing to help you out!” Donghyuck beams, giving Renjun his signature “I’ve done something I know you won’t like but I’m smart enough to know it’s what you need" look.

“Is it a dick? Don’t buy me a dick Hyuck I swear to god.” Renjun says, “Is that what you’ve been doing this whole time? Dick shopping instead of feeling sorry for me? I can't believe this.” “If it makes you feel better it’s not a dick, you have so many other ones another would be excessive, even for me. You’re gonna love it though! All those fears of heat frenzy are gonna go right out the window!” Renjun eyes the brunette through the screen suspiciously, Donghyuck’s odd enthusiasm has been the catalyst to multiple cautionary tales Renjun is saving for his grandkids. Now might be the worst time to let his guard down. “I swear to god, if it’s something weird i’m sending it back and getting a restraining order.” Donghyuck giggles in nefarious delight, “It’ll be at your doorstep in two days!” Renjun groans in horror.

Renjun is shaken from his daydream riddled with Donghyuck’s alarming cackles by the sound of the doorbell being rang for the fourth time. “Oh! Coming, coming, so sorry!” He yells out, rushing to the front door to see his instacart delivery driver struggling to hold Renjun’s last minute groceries. The poor guy takes a deep breath and tries not to look nearly as phased as he is by Renjun’s sweet bergamot scent. “I-I wasn’t able to find the caramel pecan cookies, so I got you an extra box of kitchen sink cookies, I hope that’s ok?” The man stutters, clearly fighting the urge to comment on what smells like the sweetest omega he’d ever met. “Oh no worries! Thank you so much, they always go out of stock pretty quick.” Renjun replies, now increasingly aware of the alpha’s growing nervousness and intensified teakwood scent.

He hurries to grab the groceries from the boy and set them on his kitchen counter. “Here you go!” Renjun says, handing over his nice ten percent tip for the guy’s troubles. “T-T-Thank you!” he replies, after making a horribly obvious attempt at trying to inhale as much of Renjun’s residual scent on the ten dollar bill. Renjun awkwardly waves him goodbye, and closes the door of his apartment asking whichever deity that watches over him why he couldn’t have already been mated to avoid having to endure that. The plights of a single omega, he thinks to himself, now rapidly moving towards his kitchen to take final inventory. 

His heat is scheduled to begin sometime tonight, made clear by his overwhelming scent and his unbearable body temperature. He’s already considered turning his air conditioner up higher, but realizing that his poor plants would hate to live in a house that’s fifty-five degrees for a week straight, he suffers in a scantily clad haze. He’s stocked up with seven cases of water, four boxes of cookies, six frozen pizzas, and three family sized bags of chicken nuggets. His poor air-fryer will be working overtime this week, Renjun is fully prepared to only have twenty minutes of energy between heat spikes to keep himself semi-sufficiently nourished. He grabs an armful of waters and sports drinks he’d picked up earlier that week to carry them to his room. He placed them next to the other small snacks he’d put in his mini fridge conveniently sitting next to his nest, there was no way he’d be able to make it to the kitchen after the first few rounds and immediate hydration was a non-negotiable.

Renjun took a moment to be proud of himself. He was a single omega preparing for the most intense and important event of his life. All those incredibly awkward sex-ed lessons he endured in middle school, and the trauma-inducing nights spent handing Donghyuck and Mark bottles of gatorade and fruit snacks while trying to avoid  seeing any genitals had finally led up to this moment. Renjun was fully prepared. Renjun was gonna be okay. 

His doorbell rings again. This time unexpectedly. He opens the door to find another delivery man, this time an omega, Renjun can tell by the soft lavender scent. “Order for Renjun Huang?’ The man asks. Renjun grimaces at the horrifically American butchering of his name, giving a pleasant but unsure smile. “Yes! That’s me” Renjun replies, taking a look at the ominously large box the man is holding. "Great, sign here please” He grumbles, trying to make quick work of what Renjun can only presume is his last delivery of the day. Renjun makes quick work of scribbling his signature on the dotted line, before mumbling a quick thank you and grabbing the box. It’s oddly heavy, which wouldn’t be too concerning, until he took a closer look at the label and read ‘From: Mark and Donghyuck ♡,” in Donghyuck’s messy half cursive half print handwriting.

“Oh dear god” Renjun thinks, now the weight of the box is a genuine cause for concern. He heaves the box to his counter and takes a deep breath before cutting it open. Much to his surprise, it’s all normal nice things. He pulls out a box of the maple cookies Renjun became obsessed with when Mark brought them back a box after returning to campus from his thanksgiving break in Vancouver, the ones Renjun was pissed to find out aren’t available in Atlanta. He sees a stuffed bear and stuffed cheetah wrapped in plastic, Renjun pulls them out to admire the resemblance to his dear friends before he realizes they were both scented like Hyuck and Mark. Renjun could just cry. He felt so loved and cherished by his best friend, how loving and thoughtful Donghyuck always was despite being a smug piece of shit ninety percent of the time. He’s been wanting nothing more than to experience one of their “cuddle puddles”, that while Renjun would always protest, he secretly loved. He pulls out a lovely soft yellow blanket with pretty little ruffles on the ends, perfect to go in his nest for added comfort. Wrapped in the blanket is a little note: 

 “You’re gonna have a great time Junnie! Don’t overthink things, just relax and enjoy the ride! We love you so very much! - Hyuckie and Markie”

Renjun is tearing up, his friends love him so much, he’s gonna be okay! Then he sees another box at the bottom, hidden by the blanket and other gifts before it. He shimmies the black box out of the larger brown one and places it on the counter, now able to get a full look at what the picture on the box is displaying. The tears instantly dry. The feelings of love and admiration are replaced with immediate annoyance.

In a scary showcase of friendship telepathy, his phone rings, lighting up with the picture Donghyuck took of his flared nostrils freshman year. Renjun sighs, then answers the phone. “Why would you buy me a fuck machine?” Renjun stares into the phone, hoping to look as menacing as he can in a hello kitty headband holding his blonde strands from his face. “I see you got our present.” Donghyuck replies, shit eating grin so intense his lips were threatening to split apart. “I told you I had just the thing in mind for your heat girlie!” Renjun huffs with the full intent to call Donghyuck everything but a child of god, but he’s getting hotter and the throbbing between his legs is getting more intense. Tonight he chooses peace. “In seven days you’ll begin to cough” he says, and hangs up the phone to let out a loud exasperated grunt. 

Now the real preparation begins. Renjun walks over to his dryer and pulls out his satin robe he’d freshly washed for the occasion. He makes his way over to his bathroom to begin the most intense shower he’s had since his last failed date with an alpha he met on Wolfr. “Nice dick, horrendous vibes.” Renjun shudders at the memory. “Maybe that’s just how guys from Connecticut are? Connecticut is barely a real place, who cares.” He pauses his internal monologue for a moment to place a vanilla scented shower steamer in the corner of the tub. He lights himself a few overpriced indie candles he got from a small business bazaar in the city, and starts easing himself out of his tiny shorts.

He takes his time pulling the silky fabric of his briefs, gently coaxing his dick out of the fabric. He shudders at the cold air hitting his half-hard cock, sending shivers up his spine and another light stream of slick out of his tip. “Fuck,” He moans softly, entirely too aroused for his own good. He pulls his shirt over his head, shuddering again when the air hits his puffy swollen nipples. He takes the time to get a full look at himself in the full size mirror. “Fuck I’m hot. No wonder that Alpha almost popped his knot earlier,” Renjun smiles to himself confidently.

He makes his way into the shower, taking a deep breath of the warm vanilla scent circling him, meshing wonderfly with his own light citrusy aroma. The hot water of the shower electrifies Renjun’s body, he takes a moment to soak in the amazing feeling of the heat comforting his aching limbs. He starts with his favorite lemon and honey scented body wash to begin carefully massaging his arms and chest with the warm and fruity bubbles.

The sensation of the lather was already driving him crazy, absolutely loving the way his hands gilded seamlessly over his hips and ass. Renjun wasn’t normally the type to be so turned on by his own body, he guesses it’s just the excess hormones making any sight of bare skin immensely arousing. He snaps out of his hormone induced stupor to remember that he has a whole shower routine to get through, so he gives his soft chest a final squeeze, then moves back under the welcoming stream of the water to rinse himself clean. He grabs his body scrub and locks in for the remainder of his shower. 

Renjun emerges in a cloud of sugary citrus air, intoxicating even to himself. He wraps himself in his gold satin robe, and makes his way to his vanity for his finishing touches. Renjun digs through his copious amounts of products to find the expensive body oil he’s been saving for this very occasion. He strips off his robe, and starts massaging the oil into his skin, starting at his legs. Every dip his fingers make into his skin brings him closer to ecstasy. Closer to what he knows is gonna be the most intense feeling of his life. He’s just barely finished rubbing himself down when he starts leaking a new stream of slick from his puckered asshole.

“Oh shit, that must mean it’s about to be time huh?” He figures, moving to wrap his robe around him yet again to avoid his neighbors getting a free show through his open blinds. He draws the curtains, dims the lights, and connects his television to his laptop for an optimized viewing experience. He already has his nightly entertainment pulled up, three hours of Jen and Jae’s best material. Nothing that riles Renjun up more than seeing an alpha take a eleven inch dick like he was made for it.

He settles into the spot he carefully carved into his nest, when he lays his eyes on the pretty yellow blanket Donghyuck sent him in his care package. Then he thinks about what else was present in the care package. He pauses for a second, thinking about how he actually hadn’t even taken the fuck machine out of the box. “Well obviously I didn’t take it out the box, I’m not giving Hyuck the satisfaction of knowing I used a toy he gave me,” Renjun thinks to himself. Then again, it’s not as if Hyuck has to know Renjun used it. Then again, it’s not as if using it could be a bad idea, Renjun considers.

He drags himself out of bed to collect the box from the kitchen counter, setting it down on his bed as he begins to actually open the machine. He definitely recognizes the machine, it’s pretty famous among omega content creators due to its lightweight build and convenient suction cup base to accommodate any dildo the user pleases. He looks over at the extended assortment of toys he’s curated for tonight’s events:  a vibrating fleshlight for his cock and three different dildos in ascending length and thickness for his differing stages of need. Renjun felt his hole flutter with excitement as another gush of slick slid down his thighs.

He thinks about it for a moment, considering how much nicer it'd be if he didn’t have to be responsible for thrusting his toys in and out of his slicked hole. He decides to use the suction cup base of the fuck machine to attach it to the headboard of his bed, checking the height of his placement to ensure it would be the perfect height for him to comfortably get backshots from the toy. If he’s desperate enough for it he, reasons, first choosing to hold off from letting Donghyuck be right about something for as long as possible. With the machine firmly secured, Renjun settles back into his comfy spot in the nest. He takes off his robe, presses play on his laptop, and reaches for his fresh bottle of lube to start massaging his warm cock. 

He’s 10 minutes into watching Jae eat Jen’s ass when Renjun finally has his first orgasm. His little heaves and moans fill the room as he milks himself of his well deserved release. “Ooh…ahh…ahh...fuck!” He shouts, pulling himself further into overstimulation as his vision starts to haze over. He’s laying in a puddle of hot slick, constantly pumping out more and more as he keeps toying with his cock. He’s using his other hand to pump his fingers furiously in his asshole, loving the searing sensation of his hole stretching over his digits. “Mmm fuck...fuck, ooh make him cum Jae” he moans, picturing himself as the pornstars’ third wheel in their bedroom.

He realizes his hands aren’t gonna cut it though, he releases his cock from his vice grip and winces as he pulls his fingers from his ass to grab his fleshlight and the smallest dildo from the pile. “Oh shit,” he hisses, feeling that same intoxicating stretch to the next degree as he tries to slip the seven inch toy deep inside. He needs another large squirt of lube to get the job done, a sign he hasn’t completely gone into heat quite yet, letting his semi-delirious brain know he still has some semblance of self-control.

He pours another squirt of lube directly into the fleshlight, giving it a few pumps with his fingers, and then using those same fingers to pump his cock, before squeezing his drained but solid dick into the tight slippery hole.  He’s fully entranced in the sensations of his body now, leaking so much slick his toy keeps slipping out of his hole. The throbbing between his legs is reaching an ungodly peak, rushing his second orgasm into him like a train. “Ahhhh FUCK,” he screams, feeling the pulse of his prostate send him into overdrive. His cum and slick is pooling at the base of his dick, overflowing the fleshlight and adding to the lewd sounds deafening his ears.

He makes a move to turn up the vibrations on the toy, barely getting a chance to move his hand from the button before the pulse of his third release shakes him to the core. Renjun is completely lost at this point, barely aware of anything around him other than his seemingly never ending fountain of cum and the hypnotic sights and sounds of his favorite muscle bottom getting dicked within an inch of his life. God he wishes that was him taking alpha meat. Then he remembers it totally can be him. He grabs the biggest dick he owns, neglecting any more prep that the fifteen minutes of intense pounding hasn’t provided, and sticks the heavy dildo to the waiting base of the fuck machine.

He positions himself comfortably in front of the plastic cock, taking a moment to admire his mess on his satin sheets. “S-Shit…ohhh fuck,” he hisses as he shoves the toy into his ass. He barely gives himself a moment to adjust before he reaches for the remote to start the lowest thrusting pattern, desperate for the feeling of his hole getting stretched to its limits. Renjun lets out a low groan while the toy picks up speed. He clicks it up to the second level and jolts as the tip of the cock starts hitting his prostate. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh,” he groans, spilling more slick onto his sheets and sliding into his fourth orgasm, leaving his mind completely broken. He sets his fleshlight to its highest vibration and suction level, and shakes himself into another release.

If he had any ability to think critically he would be concerned for the amount of fluid leaking into his mattress, considering he’d completely forgotten to lay down the waterproof blankets he was so intent would save him a massive cleaning bill, especially since the cock in his ass causes another surge of slick to shoot from his hole. Nearing delirium, Renjun decides the dual stimulation still isn’t enough. He wants even more, he needs even more.

The smell of his slick and cum is intoxicating, leaving his brain just as fried as the underpaid alpha that nearly sprung a leak at his door earlier. He grabs the smaller dildo that he used to work his ass open at the start of his playtime, and gave it a slow lick from the balls to the tip. Tasting himself on the toy made his next orgasm even harder, sucking the head of the dildo like it was an actual alpha. Throating the cock to it’s hilt like Jae himself was fucking his throat. Renjun was officially in heat, too spent to think, and too horny to care. 

With the last bit of his reflexes he has left, he manages to switch the fuck machine to it’s highest setting, and prepares himself for the ride of his life. “Ohhhhh Shit! Oh Shit! Fuckkkkkk,” he stutters, forming the last coherent phrases he’ll be saying for a while. His head is absolutely pounding, reality is bending, and all he knows is fact are the loud moans he and Jen are churning out along with the surge of energy rushing through his ass and cock. “Ahh oh my god, oh my god,” he screams, ushering himself into otherworldly realms of pleasure.

His cock is being milked to extremes he didn’t know were possible, the pumping motions of the fleshlight sending streams of cum all over his balls and thighs from where the toy could no longer hold his load. He groans as the cock in his ass pounds into his prostate, sending him further into the orgasmic spiral he has no intention of leaving. He’s coming down from his tenth orgasm when he finally decided to give his dick a break, pulling the toy milking him for the last two hours off his cock and throwing it to the side, in the interest of laying face down ass up, fully submitting to the plastic cock he’s worshiping with every fiber of his being.

He can barely make any sounds other than small gurgles when he starts craving his own musk again, grabbing the fleshlight and sticking his tongue as deep as he can into the sopping wet hole, basking in the scent of his pleasure. He slurps up his essence as he feels his ass getting tighter, the dildo seemingly rutting rougher and rougher to break through his grip. He slides himself back even further on the toy, taking all eleven inches impossibly deep, crying out at the feeling of his stomach bulging from the cock mixing up his guts. Renjun is lost in the vortex of his heat, unable to do anything but scream in pleasure in between licking his fleshlight like it’s a real asshole, when he feels it.

His eyes go wide, his ass locks up around the plastic knot completely, the overwhelming pleasure forcing his body to mate with the cock rearranging him. The toy stops moving in and out, too suffocated by Renjuns slick walls to complete a full cycle of motion, instead sending deep thuds of pressure directly on his prostate. His eyes start rolling back as his body starts convulsing, unable to control his movements. His loud moans turn to deafening screams when a long stream of clear liquid shoots from his cock. He cries out in pleasure as he lets out endless gushes of liquid, soaking through whatever parts of his mattress weren’t already sticky with slick. His voice starts to taper off into quieter whines, soon after, Renjun’s vision goes black. 

Renjun wakes up thirty minutes later, slightly less attached to the toy. Its batteries must’ve died sometime between him squirting and passing out, but Renjun has little recollection of anything that occurred once his first heat spike hit. He hears the faint sound of his pornstars giving each other aftercare from what must’ve been a similarly intense scene in the background, figuring he should follow in Jen’s footsteps and have a bottle of water.

He rolls over in his nest, taking in the absolutely ruined state of his bed, along with the extremely satisfied feeling in his body. “Woah,” he thinks, “I gotta get Hyuck a Waffle House gift card or something.”

[waitmyturtles]

THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 11 -- 1 OUTTA 3 AIN'T BAD

Preamble! I had a HELL of a day yesterday, woof. So if this comes out garbled, y'all will know why. I'll try to keep this short, but... I'm likely lying to myself, let's see.

TW: FORCEBOOK -- I'm going to say a few words about ForceBook below, so if words about ForceBook are not your thing, please move along!

I'm gonna start this post with thoughts on the three main pairs, and then get some last little thoughts out at the end.

a) I have a feeling that I don't need to write THAT much, because the lovelies @lurkingshan (here), @neuroticbookworm (here), and @chicademartinica (here) all covered the top points of this episode nicely: this episode was a BostonNick WIN. On Nick, dear Chica nailed it so hard that I will have to link AND screenshot her m'fucker:

And Boston, BOSTON, MY MAN! MY MAN! MY MAN!

(Nick says the first line below, with Boston saying the second:)

Fuckin' a. There are two reasons why I STANNED BostonNick in this episode.

1) First of all, as you see above, Nick still had to be a tiny bit of a shit. Nick was in Atom's shoes once. Nick remembers the feeling of having feelings for someone who didn't have feelings back for him. So Nick took a little passive aggressive dig at Boston by calling Boston's sex and predilections "terrible."

And Boston shot back at Atom -- and maybe indirectly at Nick -- with his perspective on sex: "[h]ow can you love me after sleeping together just once?"

I've written before (and forgive the foggy mom brain, but I believe @emotionallychargedtowel has also written on this), that the hormonal experience of sex can impact people in incredibly different ways. Some people, like Boston, feel no connection with the person he's slept with after sex; other people, like Nick and Atom, catch feelings. All of it is normal.

What happened in the dialogues that we were privy to earlier in the series vis à vis Nick and Atom was that WE, the audience, heard THEIR perspectives, and the narratives allowed US to contemplate sympathizing for them -- by playing off of a general assumption that an audience would JUDGE people like Boston for having casual sex. Boston's positions on sex (heh) pissed off people like Nick and Atom! So Boston got fuckin' wiretapped and smeared by these dudes.

However: BOSTON REMAINED CONSISTENT, CONSTANT, AND ACCOUNTABLE to his position, AT ALL TIMES, that he wasn't someone who caught feelings after casual sex. I am sure for many sectors of the Only Friends audience, that this may not have been easy to parse, especially considering the very early and popular judgements levied against Boston. (For the record, I never took Boston as a predator, and I established my thoughts early in the series run on this as rhetoric about Boston's "badness" around sex was flying around. I'm a Khai girlie. Boys, girls, and non-binary friends can be playas, too, and deserve to enjoy their sex lives without judgement.)

What I UTTERLY admire about the pace of this series vis à vis BostonNick is that it took its TIME in establishing Boston's AGENCY to be able to LEVY his position on sex SO STRONGLY and CLEARLY, with Nick's support. While much of the series allowed the popular and condemning rhetoric to swirl around Boston, this scene put a fuckin' NAIL in that coffin. I believe this scene said: you can't only listen to one side, the crying, sobbing side of a person who wants another person after a one-night stand. You HAVE to listen to both sides. The hormonal aspect of wanting to be close to your sex partner is valid, but also -- if the other side is talking, you MUST listen to what the other side is SAYING.

Boston was always clear about his position -- and Nick and Atom HAD to take responsibility for their unreasonable demands from Boston after their one-night stands with him; unreasonable, because Boston CLEARLY stated to the both of them that he wasn't a relationship guy, and would not be forced into it. And both of them ignored those statements, and all hell broke loose, TWICE.

2) HOWEVER! Boston realized, after spending more time with Nick than with any other sex partner, and after he lost his friends, that he HAD caught feelings for his fave, his Nick! Remember last week, when I got all mewdy that MONOGAMY might be the dramatic device that the show would use to "redeem" Boston? BLECH.

DAMN, did this episode SPIN THAT AROUND for me. GOD, I LOOOOOOOOOOVED THAT CONVO WITH NICK AND BOSTON ABOUT FIGURING OUT THEIR STATUS!!!!!

Paraphrasing! "I want to spend the next few months loving on you," or whatever Boston says?! FUCK, YES! Nick, all OVER this, setting boundaries, allowing himself TIME and SPACE to figure out what's best for him, with both Dan and Boston! SHIT, MARK PAKIN SHOWED UP! Omg, BostonNick for the win.

My head's spinning, because that was seriously one of the BEST conversations I've seen written in a drama about the consideration of a relationship and a status check. That impressed me as much as Pharm asking Dean for a break in UWMA -- and then Pharm straight up LIVING HIS LIFE, BBQ pork grills and all, without Dean for a few months.

And. Boston was cool with Nick's boundaries and thoughtfulness. Boston knows what he wants, but he's not gonna push Nick into anything. Boston knows time is ticking, but will wait for Nick's answer.

It was so cool to see. My heart was full.

So that pairing, the NeoMark/BostonNick pairing -- SOLID.

b) Moving on! Thanks to @lurkingshan, I got clarity on what the fuq was happening with Sand and Boeing. At first, I thought Boeing was a little SHIT for showing up to Sand and stirring unnecessary drama in his ex's life after getting rejected by Mew. (Mond, though. 🤤)

But, as Shan pointed out to me in my insane day yesterday: Sand has a problem saying no to dudes. (Homey, RELATE.) So like, then they all go back to Ray's place, and Ray KNOWS that Sand has trouble setting boundaries and saying no, because that's what Sand's mom said to Ray, but also, that's the way Sand's been engaging with Ray himself, and Ray will DEF know what will be up if Sand gets closer to Boeing again, and Ray's like, uh, come into my pool so we can nip this in the bud?, but no, we know what Jojo's thinking, so.

I mean, have sex already, you three, chop chop. I see the FirstKhao gworls on my dash not happy about not having a complete episode of SandRay peace, which I get, but also, this continues to reiterate my bleh on Sand, which like -- get a backbone, Sand. You have a literal boyfriend now, and you're still not saying no to dudes? What if Mild strolled in for a foursome? (NO, DON'T TURN THAT DOWN, SAND, DON'T.) But I'm just saying -- maybe listen to a person in your life, like your mom, to set some boundaries, like your roommate. I'm throwing my hands up in the air on this one, but at least we may get our threesome, and, Mond.

c) Okay, last pair! TopMew. For a hot second, I was impressed with Top.

I liked this, ::waves index finger in a circle::, this worked.

But I have decided. I'm done with ForceBook. I just -- please remember the TW, FB girls. I'll get back to TopMew in a second as characters, but this was my first ForceBook show, and it might be my last. Watching them is as exciting to me as breaking down Amazon boxes.

We have seen Mew waffle this whole dang series. (WELCOME BACK, THE ONLY FRIENDS VENGEFUL WAFFLE! HEART YOU, @starryalpacasstuff!)

And there was more Mew waffling, more talking to moms, and Top is just like, I'm gonna peace out, DEUCES, and then, OF COURSE, HE COMES BACK INTO THE KITCHEN, LIKE HE NEVER LEFT THE HOUSE AFTER SAYING HE WOULD (I cackled), and then they're together in bed. And now they'll move in together.

This was a BIT of a storyline ride. But -- and I HAVE TO ADMIT, part of this is my tiredness talking -- I'm just kinda bored of ForceBook at this point. Do I actually get the sense that Top is *excited* about Mew moving in? Do I get the sense that Top and Mew *love* each other? I.... don't! Is it the chemistry between ForceBook? I.... I think so? I think so!

And, so... Mew will try to convince Ray to accept Top in the next episode? I dunno. (Episode 12 previews, we've learned to distrust them.) As much as I want to try to sit here to analyze TopMew at this point, I kinda just wanna throw my hands up in the air and be like, I'll leave these characters to fiction. And I think it's because I was unfortunately spoiled by the FANTASTIC chemistry emanating out of Neo, Papang, Mark, First, and Mond in this episode (MARK! MONNND. PAPANGGGG.).

I have to admit it, and I'm sorry to admit it. ForceBook do nothing for me, acting-wise and chemistry-wise, and I am done struggling with analyzing TopMew. I'll let 'em be.

d) Last thoughts! Bye, Cheum. We haven't had enough of Nonnie in this series, and I wanna see Nonnie as April dump Cheum's ass and break shit in episode 12, the way Nonnie's real-life brother goes and breaks shit on social media. Way to hold no one, including yourself, truthfully accountable, Cheum.

(What in the. I would love a Soonvijarn episode on Jojo's thoughts on Cheum one day.)

Anyway, bye, B.

THAT'S ALMOST IT! Ephemerality? I hope Boston makes a whole bunch of righteous new homies in NYC. This whole series has made me sick and tired of proximate friends, lol. We'd better see Mond suck face with Khao and First. Andddd, bleep, bloop, that's all I got!

HOME BASE NEXT WEEK, FAM!

[EPHEMERALITY SQUAD, second-to-last weekend meta for ya! @slayerkitty (SK... I am so tired, lol), @ranchthoughts, @chickenstrangers, @twig-tea, @neuroticbookworm, @lurkingshan, @distant-screaming, @clara-maybe-ontheroad, @thatgirl4815]

[jakeysbuttsheeks]

Love hate

Warnings : rude Jake , profanity, fluff

Parings : Jake X fem reader

Word count : 1k

"shut up no , I want the single bed" Jake snapped when sam suggested you share beds with Jake .

"There is no single bed Jake , we're all sharing" josh told Jake.

"I don't wanna share with Jake either" you crossed your arms on your chest .

"Look , the cabin has 2 bed rooms, Sam and I in one room and you and y|n in the second. That's that" josh said before getting up to leave , tired of you and Jake bickering the whole camping trip .

Y'all were friends ever since little and were like family. But as y'all grew to be older Jake had become unreasonably mean to you .

You huffed before storming away to the bedroom you were supposed to share with jake , so you could choose your side of the bed before he did .

"I want that side" Jake said as soon as he walked in .

"To bad" you said as you stayed put at your chosen side .

Jake ignored you and came up to your side of the bed , grabbed all your stuff and tossed it over the bed to the other side of the room.

"Hey!" You yelled as you grabbed your bag out of his hand before he could toss it off .

"Stop being a whiny bitch and let me have this side" Jake said rudely as he grabbed the bag back out of your hand and tossed it over the bed .

"If you wanted this side you should've come here first!" You yelled as you stood off the bed . No point sitting on that side now because Jake had already replaced your stuff with his junk .

"Yeah well I didn't ,what are you gonna do about it ?" Jake asked , making you furious.

"Asshole" you said to yourself as you stormed to the other side of the bed , picking up all the stuff Jake had tossed and setting them tidy before you got into the bed . Deciding to not pick a fight over this and act mature , at least if he wasn't going to .

Why was he even so mean to you ? Sometimes you would sit up all night to try and think of the day when he started acting like this , trying to remember what you did to piss him off so badly.

The rain began to pour as you got into bed . Stupidly, Sam booked the cabin without checking if there were heaters "The real wilderness experience" he called it .

You lay on the edge of the bed ,as far away as you could from Jake who was also far away . The blanket tugging as y'all shared it across the bed causing a gap of cool air under the blanket between y'all .

You thought you could sleep it off but the rain got heavier , you started shivering from the cold , inching closer to Jake , tempted for his body warmth.

He seemed to be having trouble sleeping too , not a care about how you were doing tho . He pulled on the blanket , turning on his side , back facing you , almost fully exposing you out in the cold .

"Jake I'm cold-" you trembled as you tried to pull your share of blanket back weakly.

"Stop being cold then" Jake said , his back facing you coldly.

"Jake please- I'm really cold" you sit up and tug the blanket from him.

"God would you stop fucking whining all the time about everything!? It's so annoying" Jake spoke loudly as he threw you some blanket.

You felt your chest hurt to hear how much he just hated you .

"What the hell did I ever do to you for you to hate me so much?" You asked , knowing he'd just ignore you.

You used the little sheet he gave you to cover yourself, the gap between you and him now smaller as you lay on your side back facing him again. You didn't care you just needed warmth .

You shivered quietly under the blanket , closing your eyes to try and sleep it off , but every mean thing Jake had ever said to you played in your head . You felt tears slide down the side of your face and your cold nose get blocked .

You wished you didn't seem so weak , shaking pathetically . You were sure Jake could feel you shaking and he didn't give a shit .

You accidentally let out a sniffles after trying so hard not to make a sound while crying. You cursed yourself mentally.

You panicked when you felt the bed move slowly from Jake's movements . You held your breath for a when you felt Jake had rolled up next to you.

"Y|n?" Jake called , leaning over your shoulder to look at your face which you tried to hide .

"Are you-?" Jake muttered , his sentence unfinished when he held your jaw and faced you to him , finally seeing your glossy eyes .

"fuck off Jake" you say, smacking his hand away from you , voice evident that you were crying.

Jake said nothing or moved for a couple seconds . Untill he snaked one arm under your neck and the other around your waist, his legs tangled with yours , making sure his warm feet were on your cold ones as he lay spooning you , pulling you into his embrace.

Your eyes were wide open and your body frozen in shock , your heart was racing. Jake was disgusted to even look at you, and now here he was cuddling you in bed .

You opened your mouth to say something.

"I'm sorry" Jake spoke before you , stuffing his face into your neck as he cuddled you tighter. He sounded so genuinely sorry . Like he was in the verge of tears. If only he knew the number of times he'd made you cry before.

"What-?" you muttered in shock under your breath .

"I'm such a dick y|n, I'm sorry" Jake repeated, thinking you didn't hear him right the first time. You gulped slightly as you processed what he was saying

Your body froze tensed when you felt his lips press against the skin on your neck , leaving a hard peck like he was trying to apologise .

You wondered if he could feel your heart thumping out of your chest as he pulled away .

He propped himself on his elbow to lean over you and turn you over on your back . You looked up into his eyes. You'd never seen Jake look like that , with so much adoration and guilt .

He cupped your cheek and wiped the half dried tears away leaning down to your face , making your face scrunch up . His lips gently kissed yours and you felt like you had died right in that moment.

He was so gentle with you , like you were the most delicate thing. You'd never expect it out of Jake .

You couldn't find yourself to kiss him back you were too shocked and confused.

Jake broke the kiss and looked into your eyes , caressing your cheek with his thumb , still propped on his elbow on his other arm.

"Do you hate me?" He asks , his voice dripping with guilt . You didn't know how to answer him because you didn't know what to say.

There's no way you could possibly hate him , No matter how mean he was to you , and you never understood why but you just couldn't hate him.

You threw yourself into his embrace, wrapping your arms around his neck , nuzzling your face into his neck as his hand snuck around your waist to pulled you closer. You felt Jake smiling widely when he pecked your cheek between the hug , caressing your back to warm you up .

Part 2?

[animentality]

Not to send you an essay but do you ever think about how Gortash was the only person in the whole game who didn’t want anything from Durge but Durge. Just them, as a person. Like yes he wanted the netherstone, and wanted the alliance. But what I mean is there were no prereqs for Durge as a person. Every other companion, every other NPC even, wanted Durge to either resist and refuse Bhaal or pursue power and claim their birthright. Everyone had their two cents for what Durge should or shouldn’t do irrespective of how Durge actually felt about it. It made any friendship or love offered to them conditional, even in the case of their companions. It was always “I’ll stand by you, IF”. To be fair, not necessarily unreasonable for the normal person to set boundaries on murder and such lol. But my point is that they all wanted something from Durge first.

But Gortash. OF ALL PEOPLE. Gortash didn’t want anything from them but them. Even for Durge’s biggest supporters in either moral direction - Jaheira, Sceleritas, etc - it was not that simple. Yet Gortash’s friendship with Durge (and to be clear I think they were so in love but I say friendship here to emphasise that even on top of or irrespective of any romance, they were genuinely friends too!) was unconditional. “This changes nothing” is a line I know we all talk about to death but god. That is genuinely unconditional. It is!

(If we want to push the delusion a bit further, that’s a declaration of the unconditional nature of their alliance, which can be chalked up to nothing less than real and honest love as far as I’m concerned. He has no other reason to not care that Durge just said yeah the entire divine commandment part of this mission is in the pot. But Gortash was like I Do Not Care! And he meant it! “Oh yes incomprehensibly powerful beings came to us in our dreams and asked us to do all of this in their names in the first place, and you just pissed on that, but no biggie!” Same short-tempered petty bastard who kicks you hard in the shin with his metal-toe boot if you accidentally hit him. Who straight up attacks you if you show up to his office without any of the netherstones and say you forgot them or whatever. Guy who just kills you if you GIVE HIM THE STONES LOL. But he doesn’t care even slightly that Durge said fuck off to the lord of murder who ordered this whole plot to start? Doesn’t yell, doesn’t ask Durge what were they thinking, just goes oh ok. He makes me insane btw)

I’m also painfully aware that Durge will never find that kind of unconditional support with anyone else, ever. I just feel like this would haunt my resistance Durge for the rest of his days tbh.

(And like. My resistance Durge loves Jaheira, she’s the parent he never had and she means the world to him post-canon, he follows her around like a lost puppy because ultimately he is one but I have to wonder if he would lie awake at night with the niggling thought that maybe what he has with Jaheira would not survive if he acted any other way. Plus the thought that Gortash knew him at his absolute worst, and loved him anyway. And maybe that wasn’t a GOOD thing, morally - a GOOD person shouldn’t have loved him like that, right? - but he loved him anyway. I don’t think my Durge would ever ever get over it. Especially with the fact that he can’t even remember 99% of their relationship. Gortash can’t ACTUALLY haunt Durge cause Bane is busy using his soul as a stress ball but in every metaphorical way. Durge is haunted.)

Tldr Gortash is the guy who says “just be yourself <3” and I think that’s beautiful

You know, you hit the nail on the head.

Of course it's not unreasonable to expect your friends and lovers to stipulate, that they will only love you as long as you don't go on a murderous rampage.

That's totally reasonable, that's normal, I agree with it on principle.

But. But.

As you said.

Gortash loved you even when you went on a murderous rampage.

I am obsessed with him, because he loved the dark urge without reservation, believing in their ability to control their urge, but also admiring their intelligence and their talents.

He knew what they were from the start, and he accepted it!

And he could still love them!

I just don't think anyone else in the entire goddamn game could say that!

And that's why I'm obsessed with Durgetash.

You get me.

It's about loving someone for who they are, and not what they are to you.

They were never just the Chosen of Bhaal, whom he must work with, not to him.

Never.

They were never the Bhaalspawn, the savage dark urge, the scourge of Faerun.

They were themselves. And he liked that.

Guys, he LIKED them.

[icallhimjoey]

Hi lovely! (I just realized I don't know your name or pronouns 😅) I hope you're having a great day.

So, I'm feeling a little messy and was wondering if you could write something a lil bit angsty with Joe and reader where one of them is jealous or gets a tiny bit possessive after someone flirted with the other at a party or any place you'd like.

Thank you for your stories, i love them ♥️

hiiiiiiii my pronouns are she/her and idk, call me bestie, or girl, or bitch if you're really excited (but only if you're excited, i wont allow it otherwise) thanks for your request! Wordcount: 2K

---

Last Ones Standing

“Is everything all right?” your question was casual, hoping it wouldn’t sound as if you were scared there was something actually wrong. Logically there shouldn’t be, the party had been great fun, you’d seen and heard Joe laugh throughout most of it. But Joe was distant. Unusually so. 

“Yea. Yea, ‘course it is,” his voice was so flat, it was almost comical to you. Your repressed smile didn’t help the situation at all. 

“Okay... so it’s not. Talk to me.”  

“Everything’s fine,” Joe had his eyebrows raised high, eyes on the set of keys his was swinging around by the keyring around his fingers.  

You had felt it the moment you left the apartment of Joe’s friend and made your way to the lift. You pulled your hair out of your coat and straightened your scarf so it wouldn’t drag over the floor before jogging to Joe to fall into step with him, but when you reached for his hand, he was quick to use it to scratch at his chin, and then he’d slid it into his pocket.  

You didn’t want to read into it. You’d both been drinking. It was late. Tired. But when the lift doors had closed, Joe had sighed deeply.  

“Cool, okay. That’s perfect then. I love it when my boyfriend is fine.”

Joe was absolutely lying to you and you knew it, but you weren’t going to press it further if he didn’t want to spill what was on his mind. So you changed the subject.  

“Ugh, my feet hurt a little... hey, did you hear what happened to-”  

“I saw those eyes.” Joe interrupted you trying to recount the party. You looked at him, his jaw tense and eyes averting you.  

“Eyes? Whose eyes?”  

“Yours.” He nodded up at you, almost challenging you, but then stepped out of the lift immediately when the doors opened, leaving you to follow him like dog. If he was trying to piss you off, whatever he was doing was certainly doing the trick.  

You sighed, groaned almost, annoyed at what Joe was doing.

“I’m sorry for bringing them, I’ll leave them on my bedside table the next time we go to a party together.”  

The clicks of your heels echoed against the tall buildings, the two of you were the only people in the street. It was only a ten to fifteen minute walk to your apartment so you’d decided to just walk there, knowing it would sober you up a bit which should technically help your hangovers the next day. You regretted it now, not looking forward to keeping up with Joe’s quick pace in the shoes you were wearing, trying to talk him out of whatever mood he was in.  

“Not necessary.” Joe said, turning his head to check it was safe to cross the street before doing so. Oh, Joe was mad mad. You couldn’t remember a time where he hadn’t reached for your hand when he was about to cross a street with you, even if there weren’t any cars around. 

“I won’t bring my girlfriend next time,” The comment felt like a stab in the chest. 

“Can you please just tell me what the fuck I did wrong so I can apologize for it?” You couldn’t have said a thing more wrong, apparently.

“What do you expect of me?” Joe’s voice was far too loud for this part of London at this time of night. You made big eyes at him that were meant to communicate for him to shut up and lower his voice, but his reaction to your face turned your big eyes into eyes that asked him what the fuck was wrong with him more so in the general sense. Joe looked at you as if you were the one being unreasonable, and you weren’t having it. 

“I expect of you to communicate with me like a normal person!” you hissed. “What do you expect of me?” you shot the question back at him, bent forward slightly at the hip in your arguing. Joe didn’t like it.

“I expect that when I take my girlfriend- my fucking girlfriend to a party of one of my friends that she acts like she’s there as, oh I don’t know, let me think about it- oh, as my girlfriend!”  

Gross. That was way too possessive for your liking. You knew Joe’d been drinking too much, but he was shouting at you with his face way too close to yours. In public too – sure, it was late, but you were out in the streets and anyone walking or driving past could see and hear him shout at you. Absolutely unacceptable.  

You shook your head at him, decided to step around him and kept walking. He was quick to follow. 

“Were you aware that you were absolutely engrossed in conversation for two and a half hours? Two and a half hours?! Come on! I was asked by literally everyone there what was going on with the two of you,”  

“Literally everyone? Okay, Joe.” Your eyes had already shot up at the sky in dismissal before you could stop yourself. 

“Honestly, what the fuck was so important for you to-” 

You stopped walking, turned, and held your hand out that placed itself on Joe’s chest as he walked into it.  

“Did you have fun?” you asked him, brows furrowed at him. Joe thought of a second. “Yes, it was fine, but-” 

“Great. So did I. We went to a party and we both had fun. What’s the issue here exactly?”  

“You had fun without me!” Joe spat at you. 

“Aww poor baby Joey needed my attention, did he?” you mocked him and it was snarky and mean but you felt he deserved it for shouting and spitting at you. 

“Fuck off,” he scoffed, pushing your hand from his chest, and stepping around you to continue the trek home like you’d just done before. 

“You’re an adult, Joe! Stop acting like a fucking teenager,” you called after him before following him at your own pace, not caring about catching up with him.  

Joe was fast. He took maybe fifteen huge steps before turning around and just as quickly marching his way back to you. It made you stop in your tracks.  

“You know what, no. Nope. I’m not going to do this.”  

“Good. Me neither.”  

But then he walked right past you and you watched him walk away in the opposite direction. 

“Where are you going?”  

“Home.”  He’d not get there until at least an hour and a half later if he really was going to walk all the way to his own flat.

“Joey, stop. Stop!” you called, and to your surprise, he listened and stopped, but his legs didn’t stop moving. He paced around the same four pavement tiles for a few seconds, his arms held up high as he held onto his own wrists that rested on his head.  

“He’s going to break up with her.” You revealed why you’d been so busy talking to one of Joe’s friends that night. You were the only other girl besides her in the friend group who’d been involved for years, so it felt completely natural for Joe’s friend to come to you for advice on his predicament.  

“What?” Joe asked on an exhale, shellshocked by the news. 

“You’ve all been making jokes about when he’s going to propose or knock her up… but he wants to break up.” You had promised him you wouldn’t tell anyone to at least give him time to figure things out for himself. They’d been together since secondary school – this was a huge decision. You knew Joe was too good of a friend to not say anything about it to him if you’d tell him, especially if the whole ordeal was going to take a few days, or even weeks. So, your plan really had been to keep it to yourself.

“He’s going to dump her?” Joe started taking smalls steps back over to you. He absolutely couldn’t believe what he was hearing. From this group of friends, she and you were the only girlfriends that had lasted as long as you had. If Joe’s friend was really going to break up with his girlfriend, it’d leave you as the last girlfriend from way back when and Joe hadn’t expected it. He always thought everyone would stay together, like he always intended to do with you. But, as Joe learned over time, including this revelation tonight, that didn’t seem to be the case.

“Was I supposed to just pat him on the back and wish him luck?” you asked Joe, arms held out wide in a huge shrug.

“Of course not,” Joe seemed annoyed by the way you suggested that, because obviously that wasn't what you should’ve done.  

Joe stopped in front of you, and you tried to make eye contact, but Joe rested his gaze on your shoulder. Then he brushed a piece of hair from it, but held onto it and let his fingers play with it, slowly twirling the lock in his hands. “Why does he… why is he going to-”  

“There’s 2,5 hours’ worth of reasons,” you joked, making Joe wince at the way he’d held that over your head earlier. “But it comes down to the fact that he just doesn’t think he can spend the rest of his life with her, you know?”  

Joe nodded a little, his anger for you already forgotten. It had completely been replaced with worry and empathy for his friend. And for his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, too.  

“He’s honestly heartbroken,” you said, explaining why you had chosen to sit and listen to Joe’s friend all night. It made you feel good that you could be of service; be a listening ear, give a word of advice and just be kind to one of Joe’s friends that trusted you enough with information he didn’t feel like sharing with anyone else just yet.  

“I should call him,” Joe went to reach for his phone, but you stopped him by grabbing hold of his wrist.  

“That’s exactly what you shouldn’t do. I’ve been sworn to secrecy. He can’t know that you know.”  

Joe looked at you, slightly bewildered. He realized that you could’ve easily told him straight away to completely avoid the fight you’d just had. It would’ve prevented Joe from screaming at you in the street. But you hadn’t told him because you’d promised his friend you wouldn’t. You were trustworthy like that. Joe plummeted into heavy guilt and his squeezed his eyes shut as he groaned at himself for being an awful boyfriend to an amazing girlfriend.  

“I’m the worst,” he started, taking hold of both of your hands and brought them up to his mouth to press his lips against them. His apologetic puppy-dog eyes looked over them, and there was no way you could stay angry at him when he looked at you like that. As Joe softened, so did you, and you understood how Joe must’ve felt, eyeing his girlfriend from across the room engrossed in a deep, serious conversation with another man for most of the evening. Especially if people had really come up to him to ask him about what the deal was. You had checked in with Joe a couple times, looked over to see him laugh and banter with others, and you’d felt like he’d been fine without you. And he had been! But he would’ve liked it so much better if you had joined him for more of the evening.

“Me too,” you laughed. “I think it’s why we work so well.” You lent in and Joe met you halfway for a quick kiss.

“I’m sorry.” Joe said, kissing you again.

“I’m sorry too.” You replied, accepting every kiss you could get out of him.

“So… do we know anyone we can set him up with?” Joe joked; eyes narrowed, gaze aimed over the top of your head, as if he was thinking it over deeply.

“Oh my God, stop,” you laughed. “They’ve not broken up yet!”

Joe put his arm around your neck and turned you around, pulling you along with him, back on track to your apartment.

“Did you at least try to talk him out of it?” Joe asked, now falling into the chat you had wanted to have earlier, recounting the party with you.

“Why did you think it took me so fucking long?”

Joe curled you into him more and kissed your forehead. “Last ones standing, hey?”

“Last ones standing.”

---

The Taglisted: @kiwisa @jasminearondottir @josephquinned @cancankiki @sidthedollface2 @dylanmunson @munsonsgirl71 @alana4610 @emmamooney @xomunson @sadbitchfangirl @jssmth5 @bagelofthelord67 @nobody-000 @lluviamg06 @thatonefan-girl @kylakins88 @paola-carter - add yourself

[missdeepend]

Erza Scarlet and Elsie Crimson

A warning as always: This is going to mention scenes from chapters of the Edens Zero Manga as well as 100 Year Quest. If you are not caught up or have not read these, I highly recommend you do before continuing this post.

Erza Scarlet and Elsie Crimson have always been rather, vague in my heart. I don't mean like forgettable by any means. We all know how memorable Erza's scenes especially are. However, them as characters never quite sat right with me.

I know I'm about to piss off a lot of Erza fans... but I gotta say I don't like her. I mean I do, but she isn't even in my top five. I do have many moments that I enjoy of her and she is one of the funniest characters. I feel like her character has just been downgraded into something of comedic relief or destroy the enemy after some to little trouble. Especially in 100 Year Quest she doesn't have the feeling of the original Erza, though in many cases it is like that for all the characters.

There are moments I do enjoy of Erza. Her moments of seriousness when she takes the lead in team Natsu in plans are great, even when they go awry. Her fight against Minerva and Kagura is one of my favorites and can we just say how amazing Tower of Heaven and her backstory was when it was first presented. I feel though that many of these moments have been stripped away and given us nothing but moments of absolutely bodying an opponent for the sake of "badassery". I will die on the hill that Erza's battle with Irene was absolutely amazing until Wendy was no longer involved.

Then there is Elsie Crimson, oh boy. When she first came out I remember how crazy the fanbase went. Sure we had Plue return from Rave Master and Jellal had a similar person in Rave Master, but something felt... different. In the anime their voice actresses were the same. Their power was almost identical and... it was Erza. I passed Plue for just being a mascot and the same for Happy. But Elsie will always be.... Erza to me.

That isn't to say that there aren't good moments of Elsie. Her moments reminicing with Shiki about when she was taken in by Ziggy hurt my soul and her and Justice had great potential. But that was all it was, potential.

Erza and Jellal are still great in my opinion. Their dynamic is cute and embrace the friends to enemies to lovers that can't really be together. In a way I see it as Erza having honor to hold onto while Jellal has his own honor to find.

Elsie and Justice... I like them... but I can't help but to feel I like them because they are just... Erza and Jellal switched. They have a different backstory of course but its the same structure. To me it seemed like Mashima just used our heart strings tethered to Erza and Jellal to carry Elsie and Justice. Not to mention, while I enjoy Jellal as a character in his many moments, Justice is not a good character. But thats a discussion for another day. I will rant about him eventually. I feel like pieces of their characters work so well as they are, if only the other didn't exist. Elsie works to me because without Justice her scenes (other than that one allowing Ziggy to live) work so well for her. Her character being an unstoppable force high ranking in society that even Valkiyrie struggles against works because she isn't a main character. She doesn't swoop in to save their day unless Justice is involved or Ziggy. We couldn't pray for her return to defeat Drakken or Shura because...it was never going to happen. That is who Elsie is. So the moments where she one shots someone we know are deserved. The fights we see she struggles in we know that person is a force to be reckoned with.

Meanwhile, Erza works because she is like the big sister character, especially in the eyes of Wendy, Natsu, and Gray. She is there when you need to count on her. The reason her fights tire us out or seem unreasonable are because we see her as a main character. She just has main character syndrome attached to her.

If you could take Erza's relationships with people and her good bond with Jellal. It could be the story of Elsie and Justice or her original story and mesh it together with Elsie's perk of being a side character hardly seen I feel it could work wonderfully.

But I'm curious about what you all think about Erza and Elsie. If either got into a duel who would win? My bet is on Erza because the main character syndrome.

Anyways, I'll see you all later in the Deep End!! <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas! Swiftie anon here! I’ve been kind of having a shit week, in general. A few days ago my throat started hurting, and my nose started crying, so that’s been fun, and school feels like it’s taking fucking forever every day. last night, my sister was talking, and I asked my brother to get a coaster for me, since I was holding a hot bowl, and he was standing in front of the drawer, but my sister was talking, so I wanted until she was done to ask again.

my sister is great btw. I’d never say that to her face, but she’s my younger sister, and she’s always been so…happy, and I want it to say that way, she started middle school this year, and I was scared she’d go through the same things I did, and idk that freaked me out. She’s annoying as hell, but I want her to say happy, as long as she can be, so I haven’t been like putting pressure on her, or getting as mad at her as I did when we were younger. And like we’re only a year and a half apart, but ever since I got depressed I feel a lot older, which is sad because we were so close when we were younger. People used to think we were twins, and I miss being that close to someone, trusting someone that much, whispering things under the blankets, and playing games only the two of us know.

anyway, I asked after she was done talking, which was just few seconds, and I got the coaster, and set it down, and then my mom said, you need to talk louder, you’re mumbling again. and l got probably unreasonably angry when she said that, because I’ve always been quiet, when we were younger, my sister talked for the two of us, I hate talking and I’ve never been very loud. And maybe I like being quiet, not only because it’s in my nature, but you always yelled at us for being too loud and interrupting people, and maybe I’m scared to make you angry? Maybe I remember that shit? Maybe I don’t like being noticed because you always get pissed at my older brother, and that’s the only way I ever see you talk to him?

and then that night (after dinner we all go watch tv, play games separately, go to my parents room, pray and then sleep) she got mad at us saying, we’re not a community, we’re just people living together the three (me and my siblings) of you are cocooned in your rooms all the fucking time. You’re on your fucking phones all the damn time, melting your brains, you could be doing better things with your time. And why the hell wouldn’t I want to be in my room instead of with my parents, they stress me the fuck out, and make me feel like I’ve already ruined my chances at everything, and maybe that’s why I need to escape, because they made me believe everything fucking sucked.

and I know being on your phone and sitting down for like 4-5 hour periods isn’t healthy, but that’s a habit I’ll deal with after all the other issues they’ve caused me. I had a bit of a breakdown after that, my arms got red and puffy from my nails, but I didn’t bleed this time so…is that a plus?

I got my at my sister last weekend bc she like, dropped my instrument and didn’t pick he up and I almost smacked her, and my dad saw me like, about to, but I stopped, and got so mad at me? He said, and I quote, “apologize, how would you feel if I got you and ten years later I never said sorry?” and then I was like wtf are you talking about, you hit me when I was in like preschool (10 years ago) and never apologized. I vaguely remember him hitting me, like before kindergarten, I somehow forgot that he did until that moment. I know he and my mom got into fights about it (bc calling us stupid and staying is so much better).

and then this morning we woke up late, and my dad said “you’ll end up all alone bc no one wants anyone who never shows up on time.” And my mom started fucking monologuing about how we’re “wasting our intelligence” and we should on things better, and I started fucking bawling, bc I went to preschool far from home, so when I started going to elementary, I didn’t have any friends, and I had like, a singular friend, I made and she moved at the end of first grade, and so on and so forth until 3rd grade when the pandemic happened, so like ending up alone has always been a fear of mine, and they know this, bc back when I trusted them I literally asked them why do all my friends move away? and school has fucking sucked, pe isn’t so bad, we’re fishing in a lake across the street and I caught one today and almost killed it bc it swallowed the hook, and everything else, besides like my friends has been miserable. I had a dentist appointment today (I have them all the damn time), and they numbed the right side of my face, 3 injections, they’re so sore, and I still can’t feel the lower right part of my mouth, so that’s fun. Sorry for the rant, hope you’re having a better week than me cas! Have a good day/night

Hi hon! <3

It sounds like you're dealing with a LOT of negativity right now, especially at home, and that absolutely sucks. Are there ways you can find some positivity on your own? Things that make you happy even when others are being shitty?

I'm so proud of you for dealing with life even when it's hard <3 You're doing so great, truly! <3

[hazeofhearts]

Take My Breath Away

June 1995

The day was bright, but the hottest part of the day had passed an hour or so ago. Will couldn’t stop the shaking in his hands, but he hadn’t been able to stop them for three days now. It wasn’t fear that something would go wrong. Everything was covered. It wasn’t even that he was getting married! No. He was ready for this and had been dreaming of this day since he was seven. This was the first and only wedding he had ever imagined himself having. Somehow, even though he’d never gotten them, these were happy shakes. 

Will was adjusting his bowtie once again in the mirror. It felt weird to be back here, even if this was his childhood home. After the return from the California stint, reclaiming the old Byers house hadn’t been all that difficult. It would just feel wrong now that everyone had been reconnected once more. The location was pretty unreasonable for anyone else from town, and no one outside of Hawkins came into Hawkins to buy a house, especially not after the “devastating earthquake” or whatever the news had called it back then. Will’s mouth twisted with the memory of what life had been like for him back then, then smoothed out once more with the thought of what would come.

“Honey? I’m coming in,” said his mother with her timing knock, sweeping in quickly through the door to avoid spoiling anything for the guests. It’s not like this was a traditional wedding where you couldn’t see the bride in her dress, but Joyce Byers was nothing if swept up in the romance of it all. She was wearing her gorgeous mother-of-the-groom outfit, a cream-colored dress that fell just below the knees with a blazer over the top in the same color. Will had insisted that since there wouldn’t be a bride, his mother and sister should wear white. Someone had to have the honor. El had wasted no time picking out a white, off-the-shoulder gown with lace trim. Joyce had made her reservations known, but Will assured them it wouldn’t be an issue.

“Hi, mom,” Will said quietly, fingers jittering and messing up his tie more than it was helping.

“Did Hop help you with that tie? It looks a little….” Joyce waggled her fingers, nose scrunching sympathetically.

“You know, you’re also a Hopper. That nickname doesn’t work as well now,” Will laughed. “But yes, he did help me.”

“Figures. I knew when you said you wanted a bowtie that he’d insist on helping you. C’mere.”

Joyce muttered as she fiddled with the bowtie, her hands shaking just as bad as Will’s, if not worse.

“Mom? You okay?”

This was Will’s first good look at his mother in the last 24 hours. She’d been flitting around, trying to host almost every child she had ever mothered in the 80s. Jonathan and Argyle had been here the second longest, having flown in from New York. El had arrived two days after Will did, lugging her gigantic suitcase from wherever she’d modeled last. Will knew his mom loved hosting, but he wished she would settle down. Of course, he can say that about her but not himself. He is his mother’s son, after all.

“Yes, of course. Weddings are all just a little bit stressful, you know? I mean, we had Jonathan and Argyle’s union in January in New York, and now yours in June. It’s all just so much joy for your mom, you know? Do you remember when you said you’d never fall in love?”

Joyce had been tearing up as she spoke, and the tears fell at that question. Will tried to wipe her tears away without smudging her makeup. El worked hard to craft the perfect look that would highlight Joyce’s big brown doe eyes and make her look more beautiful than she did every day. That’s what El said last night anyway, while swatching different colors on her hands, Joyce’s hands, and anyone else she could get her bushes on.

“El’s gonna be pissed if you ruin her makeup, mom,” Will said, no actual malice or scolding in his voice.

“Oh, I know. I just can’t believe my baby’s getting married,” Joyce said, a sob bubbling up from her throat.

“Will, is mom in there?”

Jonathan’s voice wafted from out in the hallway. 

“Yeah, come in.”

Jonathan was alone and rushed to his brother and mother when he saw them in each other’s arms. His camera, which had been around his neck like usual, was abandoned on Will’s old bed. Will felt like he was twelve again, but instead of feeling sheltered and treated like glass, he was supported and given something of a goodbye.

“Sorry, sorry, boys. I don’t mean to get emotional,” Joyce said, pulling away first. She fans at her eyes to dry them, and Jonathan removes a dusty tissue from the box on Will’s high school desk.

“No, mom. It’s an emotional time. You don’t have to apologize. This is an incredible day. I know your tears mean you’re proud,” Jonathan said as Joyce blew her nose as gracefully as possible to smudge the least amount of makeup.

“Oh, I’m more proud than I could ever be. My babies are all grown up and doing what they love, with people they love. That’s all a mother could ask for.”

Will enveloped his mom in a hug again, pulling her as close as physically possible. Jonathan sandwiched her in from behind, his arms secured around Will’s shoulders. Will loved his sister and stepfather but appreciated this moment alone with his mom and brother.

“You raised us to go after our dreams, no matter how far-fetched and unattainable they may be. If we fell, you’d support us, and we could get back up and try as many times as possible. You showed us that growing up, mom,” Will murmured into her hair, a careful updo that would need redoing when El saw her.

“No more, no more. I’m really going to ruin my makeup if we keep in here. I just came to make sure you were ready, baby. Are you?”

Joyce continued to dab at her eyes while Will looked at himself in the mirror. He saw himself in his rich, light blue suit tailored by El. She’d managed to finagle a bunch of daisies into his locks. His hair was just a bit too short, so he looked a little like a baby bird with their fresh tufts of feathers. He loved the look. Behind him, he saw his mother and brother. The two people who had been by his side his entire life, and would follow him into his future, were there as well.

“I’m ready. What about El? Dad? Does Dustin have his notes? What about Max’s equipment?”

Jonathan clapped him on the shoulder, a rueful smile on his face.

“Don’t worry about those things. That’s what your wedding planner is for,” Jonathan said soothingly.

“I mean, I can understand how El would want to do absolutely everything, but she’s got to be overwhelmed.”

“El’s faced much worse than a private wedding. Plus, all of us helped set up the arch and chairs last night. Everyone brought the dishes they’d promised to make, and the cake is still in the fridge. We got this.”

Will took a deep breath, then let it out.

“Alright. I’m ready.”

El burst in the door then, hair in an elegant yet complicated style that Will could never dream of trying to replicate. She fussed over him, Jonathan, and their mother in that order.

“Oh, mom! I knew you’d cry if you came in here. Let’s get your makeup fixed before the ceremony. Everyone’s here now,” El said, turning to the door. Will heard a shuffle outside the hall before Jonathan shielded him from sight.

“Hey,” El said sharply, pointing to the door she left open. “It’s bad luck to see the groom before the alter. Get back, you beast!”

A laugh from the hall made Will’s heart clench and drop to his shoes in the same breath. Jonathan scooped up his camera after the door closed once more. 

“Well, it’s time for me to do my job now. See you on the other side, brother.”

“You’re sure you don’t want me to pay you? You’re a good artist and deserve to be paid for your work.”

“Will, you’re my brother. I’m offended you even asked. Just make sure you contribute to rent when you guys move in with Argyle and us before you get your own place.”

The next ten minutes passed so slowly, and Will could feel himself getting a little damp under his suit from his entire body sweating. Joyce guided him to the backdoor with gentle hands and left him there to sit in her place of honor. He could hear the music that Max had curated for the day and knew who was proceeding down the aisle by the beats of the music. They’d repeatedly practiced the procession over the past few days until Will was sure everything was perfect. He called up the mental map of the yard in his brain.

The white rug, bought from a wedding supply store for Jonathan and Argyle’s union, was wedged under the back door, between the screen and the wood. It would lead to the middle of the backyard, flanked by rented fold-out plastic chairs. Each row of chairs was bookended by mason jars filled with daisies, baby’s breath, blue forget-me-nots, and white carnations. At the end of the rug, a homemade pergola, courtesy of Jim Hopper himself, threaded through with the same flowers in the jars. 

Max would be stationed closer to the house to protect her sound equipment but would sneak closer to the ceremony once she no longer needed to provide songs. Dustin was proud when he flashed his officiate certificate, and Will’s heart grew at his friend’s consideration. Steve and Robin would be stationed on either side of the house to ensure no surprise visitors. There had been many discussions about hosting the wedding in Hawkins for fear of specific people making themselves known when they were very much unwelcome. But, this was the source responsible for the lifelong love that Will was binding himself to, so Hawkins herself deserved some credit for something. In any case, Steve had his nail bat in the trunk of his car, hoping it wouldn’t come to that.

Finally, after what felt like hours of standing at the backdoor, the music shifted to something softer, and the door opened before him. Will’s hands clenched tightly around the small bunch of the same flowers littered across the venue. It wasn’t the traditional wedding march, but this was not a conventional wedding. 

El had decided a faux hedge wall would be an excellent backdrop to take pictures once the reception had finished and hide Will until the last possible second. Will caught Max’s grin directed at him before he turned the corner.

There, the sunlight peeking through the pergola and lighting on the daisies in his own much longer hair is Michael Wheeler. His cheeks are pink, his eyes crinkle upon making eye contact with Will, and he sucks his lips into his mouth. Will recognizes that as Mike’s ‘trying not to cry’ face and forces himself to slowly walk down the aisle, stepping in the correct time to the music. Jonathan pops in and out of his view, his camera flashing quickly.

The music swells as Will steps up to Dustin and Mike, and he sees Mike’s throat hitch in real time as he chokes back a sob. There are small, gentle tear tracks falling down his cheeks, and Will knows there definitely is the same on his. As the young men come to face each other, they both let out gasping laughs. Will can feel El extracting the bouquet from his hands, and they automatically go up to Mike’s face, wiping the tears. Mike’s hands, in turn, do the same for him.

They stand silently at the altar, crying the happiest tears anyone in their company has ever seen. Mike leans in, and Will, having come to appreciate certain wedding traditions, course corrects to a hug. Will’s arms close around Mike, and Mike’s arms crush them together, squeezing all the air out of each other. Will can feel Dustin’s hand on his shoulder, and he pulls them into an embrace. Quickly, both young men feel the hands and arms of their other friends, Lucas, Max, and El; and they are enveloped in a love so strong and pure that nothing could replicate it.

After everyone has sufficiently calmed down and returned to their seats, Dustin straightens up and greets the guests.

“Welcome, friends, family, and loved ones. We come here today, in the sight of you as witnesses to join Michael James Wheeler and William Jacob Byers in marriage. We gather around them now in this wonderful place, and we look on with love and hope as these two begin their new life together as one.”

Will looks into Mike’s eyes, his typically dark brown eyes turning to warm chocolate as the sun seeps through the pergola. Their hands are joined, Mike’s are sweaty, and so are Will’s. Mike rubs his left thumb on the outside of Will’s right hand, and Will can’t help but look at the daisies El has successfully weaved through his hair. He’d slept on the couch with it in a braid last night, so it has a pretty wave to it, and El has rebraided smaller pieces to hold some of the daisies. He looks beautiful, but he always has.

Dustin clears his throat, and both of them snap their gazes from one another. Their officiant has the most smug smirk he’s ever shown on his face, and their guests chuckle in amusement. 

“I suppose I’ll repeat myself. Mike and Will, are you ready to proclaim that foundation of love for one another in the sight of these witnesses?”

“Yes,” they both said in unison, matching wobbly smiles on their faces. They say that the longer you’re in a relationship, the more you act and become like them. This is no different for Mike and Will. Though aged in their own ways, their guests can still see the immense friendship and love that entwines them with each other. Mike and Will move at the same time, breathe as one, and are a unified front of strength and determination. 

“Michael James Wheeler, do you take William Jacob Byers to be your lawfully wedded husband? Will you honor and cherish him; love, trust, and commit to him, through joy and pain, sickness and health, and whatever life may throw ay you both, until death do you part?”

“I do,” Mike says, a grin splitting his cheeks and crinkling his eyes in ways Will has seen more often through the years.

“William Jacob Byers, do you take Michael James Wheeler to be your lawfully wedded husband? Will you honor and cherish him; love, trust, and commit to him, through joy and pain, sickness and health, and whatever life may throw ay you both, until death do you part?”

Will take a deep breath, and Mike’s smile wobbles. Will’s hand reaches up and strokes his cheek, brushing his dark wavy hair away from his face.

“I do,” Will says firmly and with pride evident in his voice.

Someone out in the sea of fold-out seats blows their nose with a loud honk, and Will would bet money on it that it’s his stepdad. He’d made quite the turnaround when both Will and Mike revealed their relationship. After Mike and El had broken up for the last time sophomore year, Jim chilled out and accepted their new friendship, even apologizing for his overprotectiveness. When Will came out to his mom and stepdad, they supported him, and it only grew when he told them about his relationship with Mike. Jim sat them down and explained the dangers of being in the world but was honored to defend and protect them when and if the time ever came for him to be needed. That was a good day. 

“At this time, Will and Mike will exchange rings. The wedding ring is symbol of binding. A symbol of attachment and of belonging, not of possession, but of partnership.”

El stepped forward, the matching wedding rings on a little satin pillow embroidered with flowers. Will had made his concerns about how much she had been planning this wedding, but she said that all the items she’d created doubled as grades for her fashion courses in college. That reassured him somewhat. Dustin holds the pillow out, and each young man takes a ring. During their fittings, they discovered they were the same size, which only sealed that they were meant to be with one another.

“Mike, please repeat after me.”

“Will, I promise to love you and commit to you my whole life. I promise to be there for you when you need me, to be honest with you, to be faithful to you and you alone, and to walk through the valleys of life together, just as we will stand atop mountains together, too,” Mike recited, his hands steady as he took up Will’s left hand, giving him a reassuring smile as he began to slide the ring onto WIll’s finger.

Will let out a little sob, something so quiet that only the three up there would have heard. Everyone would see his shoulders shaking, though. Dustin reached out and held Will’s shoulder comfortingly before stepping back again.

“Will, please repeat after me.”

“Mike, I promise to love you and commit to you my whole life. I promise to be there for you when you need me, to be honest with you, to be faithful to you and you alone, and to walk through the valleys of life together, just as we will stand atop mountains together, too,” Will repeated, taking a break halfway through to catch his breath. Mike’s ring got stuck halfway on his middle knuckle when Will’s hands shook particularly intensely.

When they’d exchanged rings, Mike took Will’s hands and pressed a kiss to the back of them.

“Hey! No kissing before the officiant says!”

Their friends laughed along with Mike and Will as they realized they were officially bound to one another. It was more exciting than Will could bear! He was eager to cut the cake and celebrate with all his friends.

“Now, the couple will exchange their written vows.”

Dustin gestures for Mike to read his vows first, as requested by the couple during planning. Mike fumbles with the breast pocket on his tuxedo jacket, then pulls out a piece of paper. Will recognizes it from the library. It’s been creased, uncreased, folded and refolded repeatedly. Will bites his lip to hold back any strange noises he might make.

“Will Byers, you are breathtaking. Since the first day I met you, I thought you were the prettiest person I’d ever seen. Your hair was shining where you sat on the swings, and you looked so sad, but my little brain knew you were going to be someone special. I had to talk to you. We grew up, and I thought that I was supposed to hide myself, my true self, because of the teachings I have now since grown out of. I thought that I had to be someone strong and tough, who liked girls because that was what boys did. When I looked at you, I never saw that you were trapped in the same hell I was. You were always just you, but putting just in front of Will Byers is a crime in my eyes. You’re incredibly compassionate, know how to work a gun better than anyone else I know, and you never let anyone else tell you what you should and should not feel. You cry when you get angry, frustrated, and sad. I, unfortunately, have been the cause of some of those tears. But, you have graciously forgiven me and now I have the extreme honor of standing in front of you now, saying my vows as I am about to be married to you for the rest of my life. I can’t help but think that life has been extraordinarily kind to us, Will, and I hope it will continue to do so.”

Will heard sniffing from their gathered friends, and he knew his cheeks were red from so much crying. But he bit his tongue and smiled. Mike’s vows were beautiful, as he had been promising they would be. When Mike went to college for English, he worried so much about being good enough and having the portfolio to make a name for himself. Will had the same worries about himself and his art, but nothing else mattered as long as they were together. Things would fall into place once they were settled.

Dustin gestures to Will, and Will’s hands shake as he pulls his own notebook paper from his pants pocket. Mike reaches out, brushing his fingers lightly against the back of Will’s hand, and it steadies him. Will breathes in and unfolds his paper.

“Some of you might believe that I’ve been dreaming about this specific scenario for my entire life, knowing it would never become true. With the world we live in and what I was taught by it and certain people in it, I would never have this. But, somehow, the impossible came true. Michael Wheeler, I have been in love with you since I was five years old. It might sound illogical, but I recognized those feelings from those romance movies we gagged at on the television. I recognized them in me, and they’ve always been there. My feelings for you have never wavered, no matter what we’ve been through or said to each other in moments of juvenile anger. We’ve hurt each other sometimes, but if I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing if it was going to lead us here. I thought the world would end if anyone found out I was gay. I felt alone, and I assumed I would be alone forever. But my family and friend, you, Mike, you all loved me and told me so, through both actions and words. I never ever thought that this could happen to someone like me, where I could have this true life with my family and the boy I love beside me. It seems impossible that we’re here, standing in front of everyone now like this, declaring our love for one another. But then again, we’ve all seen stranger things.”

An understanding chuckle rose from the group as the statement was more than true. 

“Mike and Will, having proclaimed your love and commitment to one another in the eyes of these loved ones, and with the power vested in me by whoever the hell cares and the state of Indiana, I am so happy to pronounce you husband and husband! You may kiss!”

There was a moment of hesitation from both of them before Will wrapped his arms around Mike and swept him low, pressing their lips together in a kiss that mimicked their first in terms of giddiness and fireworks. Mike’s hands threaded through his hair, and Will could feel the daisies popping out of their carefully orchestrated placement. When Will straightened Mike up, the noise came back to both of them. Their family had broken out the noisemakers, air horns, and cheering. This was the typical Midwest celebration, and both boys expected nothing less from their families.

The couple, hands linked together, didn’t even make it halfway down the aisle before El attacked them with hugs, and everyone else followed. Will, buried among arms and kisses, saw Jonathan aim his camera in their direction, and he made sure to smile with as many teeth as he could. Later, when Mike and Will moved to New York and received their wedding photos from Jonathan, this would be Will’s favorite picture that he would display prominently in their bedroom. It was his favorite because Will was smiling and happy, yes, but so was Mike as he looked over everyone else’s heads to watch will. The smile on his face was so loving and soft that teenage Mike would’ve been mortified, but adult Mike would look at it with pride.

The wedding was small, less than twenty people overall, so they all mingled and talked while pictures were being taken against the hedge wall. Jonathan even sacrificed his camera to Nancy when it was time for the Byers-Hopper family to take pictures together. Everyone was emotional in those, with Joyce making everyone tear up. But the tears were happy, and it was evident even through the pictures. Nancy even got some pictures of the three original Byers with Joyce sandwiched between her two grown-up sons and her smiling from ear to ear. There were pictures of the three siblings and then just some with Will and El. 

Mike posed with Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair, the ones who took him in permanently when his own parents kicked him out of the house at seventeen. He’d considered them his true parents after being disowned by the ones who created him, and they accepted the title with grace. There were separate pictures with Mike’s sisters, Holly, now fifteen and rebelling against her parents, and Nancy, a successful journalist engaged to Robin. Jonathan caught the moment when Nancy gave her brother the biggest bear hug she could, but the image did not capture what she whispered to him.

“You’re going to have an amazing life.”

There were, of course, pictures of the original party, then ones with El, and finally with Max. It felt weird to exclude the young women considering everything that they’d gone through together, but none of this could have happened if the four friends had never come together to form the group in the first place. As a joke, El demanded that she, Will, and Mike take a couple pictures together.

“No one else will understand the significance, but everyone here will.”

It had been long enough that everyone was feeling happy and content about the breakup between the two of them. When Will had come out to his family, Mike took the time to sit down with El and apologize for every shitty thing he’d done to her in their relationship and explain that it wasn’t her fault but his own due to the warring feelings in his heart. Even so, it wasn’t right to put her through that. El had understood completely and confessed her own attraction to girls. The talk ended with a hug and a new understanding of one another.

There were no best men or maids of honor because the group was all equal, and the love shared between the six of them in the party could not be strengthened or weakened. So, throughout the night, everyone talked to everyone, sharing anecdotes and having a grand time. The Byer’s house had never been so full of people with overflowing love and happiness as at this very moment. 

Max had moved her equipment into the house with help from everyone and was now managing the low, happy pop music flowing through the speakers as the day wore on. Suit jackets were stripped away, and the potluck began. It was past five now, and people were hungry. Everyone brought out their best dishes, and Jim had been slow-cooking ribs since early evening yesterday, so the meat would fall off the bone. People sat on the floor in the living room, on the couch, and in the dining room. The small table in the kitchen was covered in food, as were most of the counters. Will took particular happiness in devouring quite a few of the bacon-wrapped shrimp.

Mike came up from behind, wrapping his arms around Will and pressing a kiss to his jaw.

“Hey husband, everyone wants us to cut the cake now,” he murmured into Will’s neck. The vibrations from Mike’s throat made him shiver. Will hummed, leaning his head back against Mike’s shoulder. They locked eyes, and Will pressed a kiss to the corner of Mike’s mouth.

“That means we have to put our jackets back on,” Will said.

“I know,” Mike groaned, pulling away and licking his lips. “You taste like bacon.”

Will turned with a laugh, holding out one of the shrimp for Mike, and the brown-eyed young man leaned forward, pulling the shrimp out of Will’s finger with his mouth.

“It’s good,” Mike spoke around the shrimp as he chewed.

“Let’s go cut the cake now,” Will said, linking his fingers together with his husband.

The cake cutting was sweet, with Mike and Will swiping the smallest bit of frosting onto each other’s cheeks. Will would catch the light flash of his husband’s wedding ring in the overhead lights and be blinded, but it was a welcome sensation. After all, he could say the same about his own ring. Will kissed the frosting off of Mike’s cheek and laughed as he turned bright red.

After everyone had their fill of the good food and cake, it was time for the dancing. Of course, the newlyweds were shuffled to the cleared space in the living room. The couch had been moved up against the wall, and everyone gathered in little clumps around the front room. Max is situated at her sound system and slips the cassette into the player. When Will and Mike had come to her months ago to be the DJ, she immediately agreed and asked about their first song. It had taken some deliberation, but they had finally decided on the perfect first song.

‘Watching every motion in my foolish lover’s game

On this endless ocean, finally lovers know no shame

Will felt himself melt into Mike, their chests pressed together. The next minutes would be more of Will’s favorite pictures in their wedding album. Both Mike and Will had the most lovestruck looks on their faces. Mike leaned in for a soft kiss as they approached the bridge.

“Take my breath away,” Will murmured into Mike’s mouth. Both of them had their eyes half closed as they swayed in the middle of the room. 

“If middle school me saw us, he’d lose his shit, I think,” Mike murmured, his lips brushing against Will’s with every word he spoke.

“If elementary school me saw us, he’d also lose his shit. But I think he’d lose it in a happy way,” Will said with a smile.

“Yeah, he would be. He’d be so cute,” Mike whispered, the space between his eyebrows crinkling so hard that Will reached up and smoothed it out.

“Hey,” Will cooed. “No thinking sad things. It’s our wedding day.”

Even if Will’s words might sound stern, Mike knew he wasn’t actually upset at Mike expressing his feelings so visibly. It was something they’d worked on together and with Mike’s psychologist. Mike’s hands made their way up under Will’s tuxedo jacket, but above his dress shirt, and were simply rubbing his back as they swayed to the song, their feet knocking into each other every once in a while.

“I know. I’m happy, you know that.”

Months of waltzing practice were wasted as the newlyweds simply swayed back and forth on the floor, too lost in each other to care. The couple had taken the classes together but fronted that their fiancées were best friends and planning weddings within two weeks of each other. It was the perfect ruse. Will smiled into the collar of Mike’s jacket at the memory. Jonathan floated through the smattering of people, his camera flashing every once in a while. Joyce watched from her spot on the couch against the wall, hands over her heart as tears poured from her eyes. Her baby was all grown up and going off to live life. 

The reception began to settle down when Nancy had to take Holly home at ten. Ted and Karen didn’t know that she had attended and would be furious if she arrived after her curfew. Holly wanted to stay longer but left after Mike promised to call her more frequently when he was in New York. They parted with a nice hug. It was a day full of hugs, and why wouldn’t it be? Pure love often takes the form of hugs.

The Sinclair family was next. Erica had used all of her vacation days from her internship with the Governor of California and had to take a red-eye back that night. Sue and Charles kissed Mike on the cheek each and headed out to drive their daughter to the airport. Mike walked them out to their car, talking all the while, and kept them for another twenty minutes. He watched them drive down the gravel road, only mildly registering the click of a camera behind him.

Jonathan was stuck behind his camera all day and night, but the huge smile on his face told everyone that he didn’t mind. Plus, Argyle also took the camera from him so he could also enjoy the day, something Will asked him to do for his brother’s sake.

El had been coasting along, making sure everyone’s drinks were filled, and everyone was having a good time. All signs pointed to yes. She was in the kitchen, packing up all the dishes that had been left over. Jim came into the kitchen then, hands tucked into his pockets.

“How’s my baby?”

El smiled, pushing back some hair that had fallen out of her updo. It was longer than it had ever been, and she was finally using some products to enhance her natural wave pattern. Her father wrapped his arms around her from the side, pulling her into his chest. She smelled his cologne which hadn’t changed since she was ten.

“Are you happy it’s over?”

El hummed, tapping her nails on the counter.

“Sort of. I’m relieved that everything went well with no sort of… other disasters.”

The father-daughter duo gazed out the kitchen window into the darkness, the pergola just barely visible in the back of the yard. El had narrowed her eyes like she was searching for something. 

“But now I have nothing to inspire me for my next semester. Maybe I should make Nancy and Robin’s dresses.”

Jim chuckled, kissing the top of his daughter’s head. She laughed as well, wrapping her arms around his neck, still facing the window.

“Maybe. I’m sure they’d let you. They know how good you did with Will’s suit,” Jim said casually.

“Maybe,” El said with a yawn. “But for now, I just want to enjoy this wedding. There’s been a lot of them this year.”

“Is yours coming soon?”

El stepped away, mouth and nose wrinkling in that very special way that El moved her face. Jim resisted telling her what a cutie she was.

“I don’t know. I’m not sure it’s my thing.”

“That’s alright too.”

The celebration wouldn’t be complete without a dance with the mother of the groom. Will actually waltzed with his mother, teaching her the steps and laughing along. Mike watched from the sidelines, a cup of water in his hands. Argyle slides up, hand coming up to Mike’s opposite shoulder.

“How you feeling, my dude? Is it everything you imagined?”

Mike smiles into his cup and wraps an arm around Argyle, mimicking the other man’s pose. They’d become closer over the years, and of course, the wedding planning and obtaining a marriage license had forged a bond that couldn’t be broken as brothers-in-law. Mike looked out at Will catching his mom after she tripped over his feet again and felt his chest opening up for the first time since the wedding planning had begun several years ago.

“It’s great, man. I do sort of wish that my mom was here at least. I don’t feel like she’d miss this under normal circumstances,” Mike said into his cup.

“Yeah. Such is life though. But now that you’re a Byers, things will look all the way up, my man,” Argyle says with a grin. He’d braided his hair for the wedding, and he looked very nice in his dress shirt and slacks. While he’d been dancing, Mike pointed out to Will that he was wearing his favorite pair of rainbow socks for the occasion. 

“I can believe it, one hundred percent. I may have lost some of my family, but I’ve gained more.”

The celebration wouldn’t last much longer after that. Dustin had to be up early to catch his flight back to Texas tomorrow, and he was staying with Max and Lucas, so they all left as a trio. Mike made fun of his friend for not having any leeway with NASA, and Dustin only flipped him off after a hug. Max and Lucas would be returning home to California after a few more days with Lucas’ parents.

“See you soon. Call us when you have your new apartment. We’ll need to get the dice together,” Lucas said, pulling Mike close. In the time when Lucas and Mike shared a room, they had grown as close as brothers. Both young men still had their own siblings, but uniting best friends by the tragedy of Mike’s coming out meant so much.

“For sure. My campaign writing skills are a little rusty,” Mike said with a grin.

“Impossible. You never grow out of being a nerd,” Max said, sliding an arm around Lucas’ shoulders. “Plus, you’re gunning for the New York Times Bestseller list and you’ll make it.”

“Thanks, Mad Max.”

Max groaned as she pulled Mike into a hug, then the couple gave their affection and encouraging words to Will.

“If he says some annoying shit to you, you’re always welcome at our apartment.”

“Hey,” Mike said sharply. “Don’t steal my husband from me!”

“Keep yourself in check then, Wheeler,” Max shot back, punching him in the arm.

“Byers, actually,” Will said, grinning wide and so, so cute.

“Ugh, you two are impossible.”

When it was only the Byers-Hopper family left in the house, everyone pitched in with the cleaning. No one paid mind to the pergola outside because Joyce said she might want to put a seating area out there. The newlyweds had no problem with this.

“Good night, my beautiful boys,” Joyce said, squishing her son and new son-in-law to either of her cheeks. She was definitely a little tipsy, but her husband led her to bed for the night, wishing the boys well and to see them tomorrow for a celebratory breakfast at the diner.

The day had started and gradually grown louder, and in the same way, it grew quieter until there was only the singing of crickets accompanying the sounds of sleep in the Byers household. The newlyweds were shuffling about, trying to get comfortable in Will’s bed from high school. Mike was looking around the darkened room with fresh eyes, seeing how even four years away could change his entire worldview.

Will settled on top of Mike’s bare chest, Mike’s fingers tracing between the moles on his shoulders, while Will did the same with Mike’s freckles. Will looked into Mike’s eyes, which flashed from the moonlight outside. His eyes had turned into dark pools with scattered silver blossoms in them.

“I can’t believe we’re married, Mike.”

“Me either,” Mike whispered into Will’s hair.

“I meant what I said. I never thought I could have this, could have you.”

“We would have ended up together eventually, even if it took me longer to realize why El was the only girl I ever thought I liked.”

Will hummed, breathing in the scent of Mike’s skin and feeling such a sense of contentment fall over him that he would have fallen asleep right then and there if his husband hadn’t shifted again, nudging his shoulder.

“It’s like the other part you said in your vows,” Mike slurred, clearly becoming drowsy as well.

“Hmm?”

“How you said it was impossible to kid you that it happened but-“

“We’ve all seen stranger things,” Will joined in, lifting his chin to prop it up on Mike’s chest.

“Yeah, that.”

The couple fell asleep in this way, curled into each other and with promises of their new future together on the horizon when they woke.

[tranakin-skywalker]

instead of working on the next chapter of Star-Birth, my hell brain is insisting I go back and write more in chapter one, because it is unreasonable and refuses to do what I want.

But it does mean I get to write stuff like this

The hovel that Watto lets them live in is small, as all slave houses are, but it is theirs and theirs alone, and for that Anakin loves it. It is better than being wedged in tight with a dozen other hot bodies, the stink of sweat and blood and sick heavy in the air. It is alien at first, to live alone in a house with only his mother. Anakin has spent all the life that he can remember in Gardulla’s palace. He finds their new home too quiet, too empty. Lying beside his mother on the floor pallet, it is quiet enough that sometimes he thinks he can hear the soft beeping of the chip in his body relaying with the transmission tower.  Sometimes, he thinks it’s enough for him to find the chip and cut it out of him. There are a few times he tries, when Watto is in a mood and beats him or his mother hard enough to bruise. He’ll take the knife his mother keeps in a hidden hole in the wall and begin to cut into his belly, right over where he thinks his chip must be. He never makes it very far before his nerve leaves him, a long red cut over his stomach and shaking hands to show for it. The cuts always heal over by the time his mother is awake the next morning, like they were never there at all. Anakin knows that healing that quickly isn’t normal. There’s a lot of things about him that aren’t normal. He remembers being younger, back when they still belonged to Gardulla, and looking at a bounty hunter who has visiting the palace and seeing time stretch out before him, remembers seeing the bloody bits that the bounty hunter’s body would be, the hole blown out of his chest, chunky red meat and the white glimmer of a ribcage. A dead man walking, his body just hadn’t caught up to the fact yet. Anakin hadn’t thought before blurting out, “you’re gonna die tomorrow.” The bounty hunter had thought it was a threat, or an insult, or maybe he was just pissed that a little slave boy had spoken to him. He’d backhanded Anakin hard enough that a couple of tiny baby teeth had been ripped right out of his mouth, torn lip staining what teeth remained red. His smile had been bright and bloody as he lay on the ground, grinning up at the bounty hunter. It hadn’t been a nice smile. The bounty hunter died the next day, just as Anakin knew he would. His lip had been healed by that point, the open gaps where his teeth had been already starting to show white enamel poking through his gums, but the taste of blood didn’t leave his mouth even after it had been washed away. He tries not to tell people about the things he sees in their futures, but sometimes the words come slipping out anyway. When his mother brings him with her to help on of their neighbors, he looks at the large swell of Niani’s pregnant stomach and blurts out, “it’s gonna be a girl you know.” Niani smiles at him and tells him “maybe. There’s no real way to know.” “It is,” he insists. “I can feel it. She’s going to grow up really pretty, but you’re not going to be alive to see it.” He regrets the words as soon as he says them. Niani goes white and afraid and beside him, his mother gets very very still. Mom has never, ever once hit him, but then and there, Anakin thinks this is the closest she has ever gotten to it. After they leave, Mom takes him by the shoulders and holds on a little too tight, her brittle nails cutting into his skin but he doesn’t make a sound of complaint. “Anakin, never, ever do anything like that again. Promise me, promise me you will never say things like that to anyone but me.” “I promise,” he croaks out, frightened and not sure why. “No one can know what you can do. No one, not even people you trust. And especially not the master. If they find out,” she chokes a moment, her anger dissolving beneath the power of her terror, “they cannot find out.” He promises. Over and over and over he promises her. Two months later, Niani gives birth to a healthy baby girl. Two weeks after that, they bury Niani in the desert, the birth gone bad. Infection. Anakin can smell it even if he never sees the body. Very few women on Tatooine survive their first child.

[asoulofatlantis]

"By the way" my ass! You are the daughter of a Galbadian Mayor who tried to kidnap the Galbadian president. WTF?!

(BTW... I find it easier to play this game now that we have finished the mess that is Timber and the plot of the game is finally starting to get more interesting.)

Squall leashed out at Rinoa before too, because she is just stupidly naive and never thinks things through. Her plans are vague and don't really incorporate any possible consequences. And if something changes she drops the plan without considering all the work and time that other people already put into it. Its clear as day that a well-trained SeeD can be nothing but annoyed by that. I think in Squalls case, you can also add the fact that he was also annoyed that he had to work with that Woman for an absolutely unreasonable amount of time, as their contract said "Until Timbers independence". Like, with the way Rinoa and her team did things, they would have probably been stuck with her forever. In Quistis case, however, there was something else added. Jealousy. So far, she hasn't shown it, but I think Rinoa asking for Squall immediately after entering kind of was the last straw. After all, tghis is the girl who managed to make Squall dance with her, even tho she was a total stranger and yet, when Quistis, who Squall knows for a while, wanted someone to listen to her, he refused. Its clear as day that this pissed her off and now is the moment were she couldn't hold it back any longer. You must also see that Squall, even tho annoyed by her, decided to keep the contract going, despite the fact that Rinoas father was the way out of it, which is some sign of some sort of attachment to her, that as someone who knows Squall very well Quistis could hardly have overlooked. And now they are in a rather stressful position and FINALLY, Squall understood that Quistis has some sort of valua, which is why he gave her the leading position for the second team and now it feel slike Rinoa wants to ruin it with her stupid plan.

The controller in my hand says it is one XD Jokes aside... I understand that this is frustrating for her BUT this is the second time someone said something like this to her, so MAYBE she should think about WHY someone said it to her two times in just one day? ALSO she does get herself in a lot of trouble with her careless acting, so certainly at the end of the day, Quistis was right.

I think it speaks for Quistis maturity that she understands she was a bit too harsh, even tho I am sure she also knows that she was right. But she knew she chose to be so harsh for a less professional reason and thus she now feels bad about it. Gets us in a bit of trouble... but it makes her look like the good character she actually is, instead of like a Harpy that scratches out the eyes of every woman who her man gets along with.

Fun fact: The first time I played this game I had no walkthrough or anything like that and thus I was stuck in this room for HOURS because it took me AGES before I finally by total accident found out how the hell to get out of this room through the secret door. Of course, ever since then I always remembered how it works. So no worry, we will be out here in no time XD

She wanted to prove that she can help, even tho she is no SeeD, but she actually only proved how much of a failure she is ^^'

Pun absolutely intended XD

Honestly? Even if Rinoa got out of her stupor in time for the attack, given her lack in training and all that, that monster should have long eaten her by now. It took ages for the parade to start, no way in hell did she last that long on her own.

And thus ends what once was disc one of the game. Even now you still get the prompt to save XD Anyway... there is no freaking way in hell that Squall should have survived this. And I think they never truly answered how he did survive it, because I think Squall himself questioned it.

Oh! Right! I forgot that we got the Winhill-Sequence right at the start of Disk two. Now you will be able to meet Squalls mother and his (more or less) adoptive sister in child form - as you have meet her as an adult already, just in case you didn't notice ;P

Look at the house, the holes... and that looks like old blood on the wall. You do NOT want to know how Ells parents died, that much is for sure.

Hm... now why does this name ring a bell? Hm... hm... I could have sworn I've heard it just recently... XD Jokes aside, here we have the grand reveal that Rinoa is Julias daughter. At this point tho, it really is just a sidenote that means nothing to you.

She waited roughly a year, that doesn't sound like true love to me. After all, she just got married, so she waited even less then a year to fall in love again. Also... imagine Caraway having to listen to "Eyes on me" all the time, knowing its about another man his wife once loved... ^^'

Ell just wanted to tell you what Uncle Laguna and Rain are... but apparently, he prefers to keep that a secret for now XD

She can't stand his snoring and he talks in his sleep... in case you wanted to know where Squall came from... you've got the confirmation that they do essentially spend the night together XD Ellone gets kidnapped not so long after this Laguna saves her and instead of returning to Winhil he goes to Esthar, but he did send Ell back to Winhill were she basically arrived just as Rain gave birth to Squall. So... do the math! XD

Makes total sense, right? XD

[rose--coloredboy]

2020

January:

January 10th:

    I don't remember this instance so much, I'm writing this looking at a different journal entry for reference and I didn't go too into detail as to what happened. All I know is that you were slamming shit around, storming about, and getting really pissed because you couldn't find a sweater. Now as I said, I don't remember too much about this one, but I can almost guarantee that there were other sweaters you could have gone with. But it wouldn't have been the right one, and that's not good enough for you. 

   Notes: Again, because I didn't remember too much context on this one, I can't say exactly why you were acting the way you were. But as usual, I know that when you can't find something, it's almost always unpleasant. I know for a fact again, that you definitely have more than a single sweater, and I know you may have wanted a specific one, but I don't know, if you're in a hurry or your other sweaters are clean, it's not a huge deal to just grab another one if you can't find the one you were looking for, rather than getting as angry as you do when you can't find something.

January 18th:     You mentioned you wanted to go hang out at your mom's for a little but we were tired. I wasn't particularly feel like going so I mentioned I'd stay home when you went. We took a nap first. We woke up and I had decided that I wanted to hang out at my mom's while you were at yours. You got pretty upset for really, no reason.

    "Cool.I guess we just do things separately now." I literally never said that. It was ONE time. Not to mention that you weren't mad that I was gonna stay home originally? I wasn't gonna go with you anyway, but the fact that I wanted to go to my moms was the problem?

    Notes: Your parents are usually fun to be around. Sometimes, they're a lot socially. It's not a bad thing by any means. I just have days where I'm not super social, and some days I am. I get overwhelmed fairly easily, especially when my social battery is kind of low. You wanted to go hand at your parent's for a bit, but we were both pretty tired and ended up taking a nap. Before we fell asleep, I told you I probably wasn't going to go, and that was alright to you, in that moment. When we woke up, though I wasn't very sociable, I decided that I'd go spend some time with my mom, while you went to your mom's. When my social battery is low, my mom's easy to be around, I can just kind of sit with her and not talk, it's just nice to not be alone but I didn't want to keep you away from your family, so I didn't keep you home just because I didn't want to necessarily be alone. You got unreasonably upset that I didn't want to go to your parents but instead my mom's. It didn't matter all that much, but I know for a fact that you wouldn't have been nearly as mad if I'd have decided to just stay home vs going to my mom's. Whether you realize it or not, you just don't seem to like letting me hang out with anyone that you don't wanna hang out with. We usually do everything together, I don't understand why you get so mad when I just wanna do some things by myself every once in awhile. The last time I left you, I gave you reasons why. I told you I don't have any independence, and that I wanted to be more independent and you don't care. Even still, here in 2022, I don't ever do anything alone, but you get to all the time.

January 31st:

    I showed you a hair cut I wanted. I was OBSESSED and thinking about letting my hair grow out to get the hair cut made me SO happy and excited. When I showed it to you you said some pretty hurtful things. "why do you want that haircut” “you’re the only one that thinks it’s cute” “i think it’s gonna look terrible on you” “i hope your hair takes forever to grow out” *siiiiighhhhhhh*

    Notes: Another instance where you talk shit about my appearance...or the appearance that I want, anyway. Telling me that you think something is going to look terrible on me?? In what world is that an okay thing to tell your partner?? You got so angry that I wanted this haircut and it honestly made me feel like shit. Not to mention that a few months later, when I did get this specific haircut you told me you loved it. I don't know what the point was in telling me you were gonna hate it and that it was gonna look sooo terrible on me, but then you liked it anyway? I don't get why your first reaction to seeing how I wanted it just automatically had to be so negative. You've done it quite a few times. When I've showed you different outfits I've wanted, different hair cuts, even shoes. I like crocs, because personally I think they're pretty cute, there's eons of colors and designs, and they fit me very comfortably. I told you I wanted to get a few different pairs of crocs and make them kind of a regular everyday casual shoe, and you told me how ugly they were and how terrible of an idea that was. Always.

____________________________

February

February 11th:

    We were talking about shoes and shit. I mentioned how I like Uggs but couldn't wear any of the cute ones with bows and shit on them because they don't fit. Something I literally can not control. I was BORN with ridiculously wide feet, I can't help it.

    You whined "why can't you be giiiirly?" I reminded you that it wasn't because I'm not girly, it's because they literally wouldn't fit me. I mentioned how I am girly, just differently. "Why can't you be a normal girl?"

    Notes: You want me to be more "girly" but don't consider the fact that I've struggled for years with my own gender identity. You know this. Most days, I do feel pretty feminine. However, some days I do struggle with that, and tend to feel more comfortable dressing pretty masculine. Not super often, but sometimes. Whining about how I'm not girly enough for you is kind of hurtful considering. Makes me feel like I'm not allowed to present freely on days where I do feel more masculine. Yeah, sorry I can't be a "normal girl" for you. In this specific scenario, though, I don't even have any control over the footwear. I literally do not fit into most shoes. Again, you know this. My feet are over five inches wide. I hate that with a passion, but there's literally not a single thing I can do about it. I'd love to dress hyper-fem, it makes me feel incredibly good about myself, but most of the time, it comes down to my feet. Men's shoes are usually the only shoes that fit me, and no pair of men's shoes could come close to matching anything I'd want to wear on hyper-fem days. It sucks. Even flip-flops are hard to find that actually fit me, and even then I don't want to resort to just having flip-flops to wear with cute outfits. Crocs fit me too, which I'm not complaining about, but crocs definitely don't generally align with hyper-femininity.

February 18th: 

    You were all kinds of pissy because you couldn't find your phone. It happens VERY often. You don't know how to not get angry when you lose something. I knew where your phone was so I told you. You yelled at ME??? "I didn't fucking ask!" Like??? bitch what the fuck. You were stressed or what the fuck ever so I told you where it was and you got mad because you didnt ask me??

    Notes: You do this, all the time. You lose anything you set your hands on. Your phone, your vapes, the keys, your hat, anything. When I try to help, you get mad at me for getting in your way, and for looking in places you've "already looked."  When I don't help, you also get mad. "Well?! Can you help?! All you're doing is sitting there, I'd help you if I saw you panicking trying to find something!" No, you wouldn't, by the way. Because you never have. Unless you ask politely for my help, I'm not going to help. You've gotten unbelievably upset when I get in your way. Not to mention this specific time when you didn't ask for help, but I did happen to know where your phone was, so I told you, and you yelled at me. It's ridiculous. Also worth noting, is that whenever you do ask me to help with your phone, you have me try to call it. Which takes approximately 5-10 seconds to do because I've got to turn on/unlock my phone, open messenger, find you, open our messages, and call you. Which doesn't take ALL that much time at all but you get so impatient waiting just a few seconds. "Is it ringing?! Are you calling?!" Calm down for a few seconds, it'll be fine.

February 20th:

    I've got pretty bad back issues. You've mentioned numerous times how I should go for short walks to help stretch it out and use my muscles. I mention one night that I'm going to go for a walk with my mom. 

    "Who the fuck goes for a walk at 9pm on a thursday night?!" and then you started whining about how you like me to come to bed with you. I understand that, I do. But one night wouldn't have killed you. I'm still my own person. We were supposed to have a lifetime of nights to go to bed together, and your unwillingness to spare a few of those nights, is too much. 

    Notes: You are so quick to tell me that anything I want to do without you is a dumb or bad idea. Not to mention if it's something I plan to do with my family, you also hate the idea. You've told me more times than I can count, that I should do more to try and better my health. I try more than you know. As much as I can. I've tried mentioning foods that we could eat to be a little healthier. I've mentioned meal-prepping because it's low waste, easy, saves quite a bit of money, and there's countless amounts of healthy meals that can be prepped week-by-week. You complained that you couldn't handle eating the same thing a few days in a row. Now, normally I'd say I understand that. But all you do is repeat what you eat day by day. You could eat cereal every day. Oatmeal. Hell, just last week we had fish for dinner like three nights in a row. You do it all the time. 

February 24th:

    You woke up super late for work, I didn't know. It's pretty cold in the house sometimes. You were slamming shit and looking for something-probably your phone or something. I adjusted the blanket to cover myself more because I got cold. 

    "STOP MOVING THE BLANKETS!"     "i'm. sorry." I said it with a little attitude, I'm sure. But why wouldn't I? It's five or six in the morning and you're screaming at me for no reason, of course I'm not gonna be happy with you.

    "Don't talk to my like that BITCH!" Now, we've had issues TONS of times with you calling me that. I can NOT stand that. You've done it a lot. Every time you do, I tell you I'm going to leave you the next time. I never do. But, rightfully so, I got PISSED. I rolled over and called you an asshole. 

    You go on some kind of bullshit rant about how I'm just "like this" lately. Like what? Tired of being treated like shit by the person who's supposed to love me unconditionally? Okay. You then try to snuggle your way out of it, and I keep ignoring you. You keep squeezing my arm and getting more and more frustrated that I'm still upset with you. 

    You do that in cycles. It's a pattern, every time. Step one- get mad at me for reacting negatively to you acting like a child. Step two- We scream and fight for a while. You maybe start to realize you're in the wrong? idk but you start to calm down. Step three- talk to me and I explain to you why the way you act upsets me. You get mad at me again because I can't talk to you about these feelings without you taking it like a personal attack. Step four- argue again. Step five- you calm down and apologize. I don't think you mean it. You keep doing it. 

Video of me that morning I took of myself crying for some reason:

    Notes: I don't really think this one needs to many notes. This morning was ridiculous. You get so upset when I react negatively to your bad moods. You get so insanely mad when you lose things, which I get, I know it's frustrating but you can't seriously think that I'm just gonna not have any kind of reaction. It scares me. You can't seem to wrap your head around the fact that your bad moods don't scare people. I don't like when you huff and puff and stomp around when you're angry. I literally just have to sit there and handle it. Not to mention how mad you get at me or the dogs for simply existing in the same house as you when you're upset. The dogs pace because they're scared, and then you get mad at them. Then they get more scared. Which is another sore subject to you. I can't ever mention to you to try and cool it in front of the dogs because you've been very mean to them. You've hurt them many times, and you seem to think that dogs are too dumb to remember stuff like that. Dogs don't forget trauma. I've mentioned it to you before and you just yell at me and tell me how much I make you feel like shit about it. Not to mention the time I tried telling you how to treat dogs with kindness and compassion and you told me something along the lines of "yeah that worked out really well for you the last time." In reference to the dog who owned my whole heart who I had to put down last year due to behavioral issues. That was probably the worst thing you've ever said to me, and you've said some pretty nasty things to me. To this day, I can't believe you'd have ever said something like that to me. 

February 28th:

    I lost the safe keys. ACCIDENTALLY, obviously. You storm around the house screaming and throwing a fit acting as if I lost them on purpose just to spite you. As if you don't lose everything you touch. 

    Notes: This one doesn't need notes too much, really. It's just another case of you being mad at everyone around you because you lost something again. I know it's frustrating, again, I get it. But it's like mental whiplash sitting here listen to how angry you are and you expect me to just ignore it. You want me to stay cheery when you're storming around yelling and cussing and throwing shit around, and then when you find it, you're fine and act like nothing happened and expect me to just whip back into a happy, cheery mood like I didn't just watch you tear up the house in a fit or rage. 

February 29th:

    You couldn't find your sweater, again. Got really frustrated, as usual. Started throwing shit around and screaming about how frustrated you were that you lost it. Rosie cowers because she's scared of that kind of attitude. You get pissed at the fact she's being scared. "I didn't do anything to her today!" You used to literally punch her. Kick her. Toss her around for not listening. She remembers all that. Dogs are smarter than you seem to think.

    Notes: "I didn't do anything to her today?" Today??? Yeah, it doesn't have to be current, she remembers all the punches and tugs on her scruff, and the kicks, and the shoves off the bed or couch. She remembers, dogs aren't dumb. It's ridiculous that you can acknowledge that you have hit her or whatever but think that she's just gonna forget anything's ever happened. She was already skittish enough when we got her, and she's only gotten worse. This isn't me trying to "make you feel like shit" as you'd say. But it's the truth. You scare her and the others. Even the cat runs and hides when you're upset but it's like you don't see it. You get scared and the cat will hunch and run wherever he can to hide.

____________________________

March:

March 3rd:

        “I hope you know I’ll always have feelings for you. You’re lucky you aren’t with me though. I’m really fucked up in the head”

    You texted this to Alexis as I was walking around TAKING CARE OF YOU because you decided to get drunk off your ass. I made sure your clothes, shoes, lunchbox, were all set in place for work tomorrow. I didn't want you rushing around to find anything when you wake up. I made sure to get you up and drink some water before bed so you wouldn't feel so terrible in the morning. I made sure to get your alarms set up on your phone. Wouldn't want you to be late to work in the morning, you'd have been PISSED. You'd get pissed, throw shit around in a panic trying to get ready. You'd be screaming. The dogs would be cowering. You'd yell at them for getting in the way while trying to run away from you. I made sure you had lunch for work tomorrow, and that you'd have enough to drink for work. I packed your lunchbox. ME. Yet you still had the audacity...the AUDACITY to text her right after I wake you up and plan your entire morning for you so you don't have a shitty day. ME. Not her. but whatever. Fuck you. 

    Notes: "You're lucky you aren't with me though. I'm really fucked up in the head." as if I do deserve it?? She's the lucky one? So what the fuck? I'm the unlucky one that gets to deal with you fucked up-ness in the head??? What?! I ran around the house making sure all your shit was ready. Yes because I do care about you but honestly, the only reason I did it in that moment was truthfully because I knew that if I didn't, you'd be freaking out all morning the next day scrambling to get all your stuff together for work because I knew you'd be waking up late after a night of heavy drinking. I was already upset with the fact that you'd been drinking because I've been fed empty promises of you quitting alcohol for months...years even. To this day as I type this in April of 2022, you still try and come home every single night with shots or beers or something. The cat hates his food, he's barely eating purely because he has to, and you refused to get him the food he likes, but you made sure you had some sort of alcohol almost every night. You've certainly had alcohol for yourself more often than he's had food that he likes since you've been back from Oklahoma, that's for damn sure. But she's the lucky one. Yup.

____________________________

April:

April 19th:

    I'm not sure the nature of the conversation but you got mad at me for being annoying when I was trying to just make casual small talk with you. As couples do. You kept huffing and puffing and giving me short answers, you were just genuinely annoyed with my unimportant small talk.

    Notes: You do this often too. You come home from work or hanging with your parents or something and talk and talk and talk, and when I do, you barely even acknowledge that I'm talking. You don't interact with anything I say, or you change the subject to something completely irrelevant. This time specifically, like I said, you kept huffing and puffing and acting like it was the worst thing in the world having to deal with your wife make casual small talk with you. 

April 21st: 

    I invited Matthew and Miranda over for dinner and to hang out this afternoon. You got home already angry. You huffed through the kitchen, sighed at me, and shrugged your shoulders before storming off into the bedroom. You were M A D because I didn't tell you anyone was gonna be over when you got home. Why? You were already having a shitty day. You came off PISSED as shit at the world. Were you expecting no one to be there so you could take it out on me without anyone there to witness you taking your shit out on me as if I'm some sort of verbal fucking punching bag.

    Notes: You wonder why people leave when you get home from work. Sure, I understand that when you're having a rough day at work, coming home to unexpected visitors can be a little off-putting. I get it. But I still really do not understand how that warrants a reaction where you storm off into a room beyond pissed and not coming out for half an hour at least. At the very least, you could just tell me that you had a bad day and that you'd rather have some alone time. Despite what you may believe, people do understand how that works. Sometimes people have bad days, and that's okay. If you just handled the situation a little more patiently, people would understand if you were just like "hey I really just had a terrible day at work, and I don't have the energy for company" Something like that, it really isn't that crazy. Then you could either just ask them to leave or if you didn't wanna do that, you could just kind of go lay down and rest. When people did come over, you'd either be angry or just go hide out. It made people feel like they weren't welcome to come spend time with us. I never told you this, because every time I bring something up like this, you just get mad and say that you feel like shit. I understand, it doesn't feel great, but that's why people talk, I try to talk it out with you and make you understand how people feel and you just get upset instead of trying to understand. No one's out here to get you, just trying to help you. But you've never seen it that way and I'm afraid you never will.

April 29th: 

    I decided to make a fajita pasta recipe I saw today for dinner. You came home, already kind of annoyed, and asked what was for dinner. When I told you what we were having, you looked at it, and said "No thank you." You asked me why I was such a "noodle freak" and then told me to just make normal food. If you want normal food so god damn bad, make it yourself. There's nothing irregular about pasta sometimes, we don't have it all that often shut the fuck up.

    Notes: I know initially, I sound pretty hostile in a lot of these. But you have to remember they're mostly all jotted down either right in the middle of a fight if I can look at my phone long enough, or immediately after the fight. It's always so fresh in my memory at the time and I'm usually pretty freshly upset still. Now, we rarely have pasta. Even as a side dish. Hardly ever as a main meal. We don't even have spaghetti or chicken alfredo but once every couple of months I'd say. You expect dinner to be done pretty much every single day the moment you get home from work. I understand you work all day, and you're hungry, but you can't expect me to be a catering service and make meals solely for you to enjoy. God forbid I make something I enjoy for once. I've cut out so many foods or ingredients that I like because you don't like them. That's fine. I don't mind, I like all kinds of foods, but the few times I make something that I crave, you get upset. It was just pasta. If you don't like the meals I make for you, then you could cook yourself dinner. I'm not your maid. I tried to be a loving and providing wife, and even then, it's still not good enough for you because I'm just some sort of "noodle freak."

____________________________

May:

May 11th: 

    You had yet another bad day at work. You came home, slamming every door you walked through. You got all your fishing gear out, and left the house to go fishing. Didn't acknowledge me, no goodbye, no kiss, just gone. Odd for you. You weren't gone long before you walked back in the door. I try making conversation and ask if you caught anything. 

    "No. If I DID, I wouldn't BE here right now." Tons of unnecessary attitude. You then got grumpy because there was nothing out and chosen for dinner even though there was both chicken AND pork in the fridge. Then decided it was time for an argument about which to have for dinner. 

    It's later. You're drinking now. I never used to care or really have any negative feelings when you'd have a couple drinks at night. I'm paranoid now, rightfully so. I just get worried that you'll drunk text her about how you feel about her again. Again. 

    Notes: I get you had a bad day at work, but you really need to learn how to stop taking it out on other people, let alone me. You didn't greet me, didn't tell me where you were going or what you were doing, didn't even give me a hug or kiss goodbye. Which is odd for you, you've always been one for greetings and hugs/kisses goodbye. Obviously I figured you'd gone out fishing considering you took your fishing gear. By the time you got back, it hadn't been very long. I thought maybe you'd be in at least a slightly better mood. I asked if you caught anything. Attitude. All for a simple question, I was just trying to ask. You asked what was for dinner and I said I didn't know, just kinda whatever we wanted to eat. Then you wanted to argue about which of the two meats you wanted for dinner? 

Later you decided to start drinking. As you do. I was so worried that you'd text Alexis again. There shouldn't have even been an again. Shouldn't have fucking happened the first time. Which it did. Maybe not this time but I do know that since then, it's happened again, That's not even the last of it but we wont talk about the other "incident" yet. 

May 14th:

    Everything with you is such an extreme overreaction. Matthew and I are going outta town to drop someone off. I ask you if there's enough money for me to pick up something to eat on the way, or if I should pack something from home. I wasn't upset about anything, just a question. BIIIIIIG sigh you let out there. "FUCK....ugh." you were acting like it was the biggest stress of your life for me to ask you that question. It isn't even a big deal by ANY means. I have leftovers; sandwhich stuff...I really truly do not care. "You can eat out ONCE tomorrow. But that's IT. NO money ANYWHERE else." You said it like you were trying to DRILL it into my head. A yes or no would have been fucking FINE. I asked for one single meal, and you're out here acting like I asked if I could buy out McDonalds. For fucks sake.

    Notes: You know you stress far too much about money. This day specifically, I had sandwich stuff, I had leftovers from the night before, there was plenty of food I had that I could have brought with me. I asked a simple question about whether or not there was enough money for food, or if I should bring myself food for the road. You got so mad. You sighed so dramatically, and just got so upset about it. You always act like I'm gonna spend every last dime when I ask for a single thing. It's ridiculous.

May 18th:

    You made dinner, which is rare. You made frozen hot wings from a bag. They were pretty good. I got a bite of one of the wings and it was still a little cold. I wondered if they were precooked or not, because if so, it wouldn't have done anything terrible if I'd eaten any cold, because they'd have already been fully cooked. I got up to check the bag because it always says somewhere on the bag "Fully precooked" if they're obviously already cooked. If not, it'll say somewhere that they're raw. You got upset that I got up to check the bag. Because I should have just cut it open. I checked the way I wanted to because it's easier to read the bag then to try and see if the chicken is even a little pink or not.

    You got SO mad, in fact, that you literally told me "well there goes my good mood." THEN, you left the room to eat dinner somewhere other than with me. Not only did you leave the ROOM, but when you were done, you left the house without a whisper of where you were going to go.

    Speaking of getting mad over food, you got mad at me for putting jalapenos in the pico YOU asked me to make. Because "no mexican restaurant i've ever been to has spicy PICO." Acting as if that isn't one of the literal like six ingredients in pico??? You were LEGITIMATELY so fucking upset. 

    Notes: I don't really have notes that isn't something I've already covered previously. Just another case of you getting unjustifiably upset over something so so small. Literally leaving the room because I wanted to read some words on a bag of chicken? Getting mad that I put jalapenos in salsa??? Really???

____________________________

June:

June 4th:

    I was talking about hairstyles I've had in the past and talking about how I may like to go back to some of my old hairstyles some day. I showed you a pic of my hair from when it was half bleached and half green and you did NOT like it. You got legitimately visibly upset and told me TO MY FACE that "it's stupid and ugly." You asked me "Why can't you be normal? You don't always have to stand out.." It's not the first and wouldn't be the last time you mentioned how much you hated something about my appearance, whether it be my hair, makeup, or personal style. You've mentioned it quite a few times.

Notes: Again, another example of a time you've talked shit about something about my appearance. I loved when my hair was like that, it honestly was probably my favorite hairstyle I've ever had. To hear you immediately tell me that It was stupid and ugly shattered me. I don't care what people think about me, necessarily, but to hear my partner, the person I married to tell me that I looked stupid and ugly because of some hair dye?? That hurts. Why can't I be normal? Normal? What is normal??? It's just hair dye. You want normal, find someone else. I like to express myself. Well, I used to, anyway. I had a small sense of personal style when we met. Any idea of the person I wanted to be, and any way that I wanted to dress, has kind of disappeared because of the amount of times you've said something so hurtful about the way I looked. I changed myself to fit the kind of person you wanted me to be. I used to wear makeup almost every day. I used to shave my eyebrows and color in cute and funky brows. I dyed my hair every color of the rainbow. I wore some funky clothes. But you've said so many negative things about all that stuff so I changed myself and now I don't have any cute outfits, or any makeup, and don't ever do anything "abnormal" to my hair anymore. Thanks. 

June 13th:     You went to go look for a new fishing pole for yourself, I love that you have the ability to support your own hobbies. It's good to see you happy about something you like doing. You ended up finding one that you wanted. It was $100. Which doesn't bother me at all. Our rent is paid along with all our current bills. It's no big deal. A day or so later, you had gotten off work before noon, it was an early day. I had gone to work shortly before you got home. I get up and have to make sure the dogs go out to go potty. 15 minutes. Then, I bring them inside and have to feed them their breakfast. 15 minutes. I take some time to go to the bathroom before work. 20 minutes, usually. Take a shower before work, because when I don't work TOO early I like to shower in the morning rather than at night. I have a set little schedule and my mind is kind of all over the place most days, so I forgot to take out something from the freezer for dinner that night. Didn't think it'd be a huge deal because you got home from work with more than enough time to have taken something out yourself. When I got home from work you freaked the fuck out on me complaining about the fact that I didn't take anything out for dinner. Not to mention you've also yelled at me more than once, about not having dinner ready for you when you got home from work. I worked until 7PM and was still expected to make dinner but couldn't because nothing was taken out. You then got mad and complained that we'd have to go out to get food, because apparently spending $20-$30 on food is RIDICULOUSLY expensive. After buying a $100 fishing pole..? But "eating out is getting to expensive."

    Notes: Meh..don't really have any further notes on this, the text itself is pretty detailed. Just another money example of you freaking out about costs for no reason because no matter what, we always end up fine. 

____________________________

July:

July 5th: 

    When you work with Kory you complain about how much he complains about his relationship. You mention how much they fight, which is A LOT. You're so up his ass right now, so he can never be wrong. You're constantly saying how Taylee is always in the wrong and how she's soooo crazy, and just so bad for him. I try to have a conversation with you saying how we don't know how their fights go AT ALL, and how we don't know what they fight about, who starts them, and what either of them says during their fights. So I try to defend Taylee by saying we don't know that she's bad. You ended up calling me dumb AND crazy all because I tried saying we can't accurately say which one of them is "in the wrong." [all this, and not to mention that currently as I write this (April 2022) and you and Kory aren't even CLOSE to being friends anymore and you can't STAND him. Because surprise surprise, he's a huge asshole, so yeah Kory probably was the one in the wrong.]

    Notes: This one's pretty detailed too. You trust people too easily. Women are crazy, your man friends are great. They're never the bad guys. Whatever. Called me dumb and crazy. Just two more adjectives to add to the list of names you've called me in fits of anger. Thanks.

July 10th:

    You wanted to go camping, which could be fun if you weren't so quick to anger and if you were just a little more patient in setting tents up and stuff but I'm not gonna get into that one. We stopped at a spot and you set up to start fishing. You started having some drinks, normal. That's fine. But shortly after trying to fish, you decided you wanted to find a new fishing spot, so you took all your stuff and your OPEN alcohol and just drove around. You'd already had a couple, and decided that there was NOTHING wrong with just driving around with your open beer, and got upset with ME when I told you that we shouldn't be driving let alone driving with open alcohol.

    Notes: Any time it comes to doing something together, you always get so angry with me. It's ruined setting up tents with you. I've set up tents my whole life. I was homeless and lived in tents for god's sake. I know how to do it. I move a little slower than you, my bad. But when I take even two seconds longer than you when it comes to anything, you get so ridiculously upset with me. Same thing happens when we move furniture or putting new furniture together or anything of the sort. Moving furniture is forever ruined. I have moved beds and dressers, and couches with my whole family and no one gets mad at me like you do. I'm not very strong, and that's okay. I know it's fine that I'm not a super strong person, it's not that abnormal. I move things as much as I can and may stop for a couple breaks here and there...I don't know why that would be an issue. You can not possibly fathom that. You get upset that I don't move as fast, or that I'm not as strong, but don't get mad at me, that's not going to change anything. You want someone who can match your energy, strength, or speed with stuff like this, date a dude or something, damn. I'm not a weight lifter. 

July 26th:

    Don't have a ton of context on this one, but I remember we went to your parents for dinner, you were in a mood, and got mad at me for sitting too close to you while trying to eat. 

    Notes: Yeah, again I don't know. You got annoyed because I sat in the seat next to you at the island at your parent's house. Sorry for wanting to sit next to the person I married.

____________________________

    2020 was definitely a hell of a year. I didn't keep log of anything after July, really. In July, I had made the move to break-up with you. I'd stashed away some secret money from working at Cenex. You didn't know about this. I saved up, and found myself a place to live away from you. Marcos came out to live with me and support me through it. I moved out, got a cat, and wanted to start living my life for me. 

    It didn't last terribly long, however. You managed to come back around, even though I asked you not to contact me anymore. Which I get, you wanted to work things out and fix us. I was in too vulnerable of a mental state to actually consider it though. I let you back in before I was ready because I was actually hopeful that you'd change for real this time. Looking back now, it honestly was kind of a mistake. I lived in "my" new house for literally a single month before you sweet talked your way back in and convinced me and Marcos to move back into Tracey's house. I didn't want to, but I didn't feel safe telling you otherwise, and like I said, I was overly hopeful that you were actually gonna change for the good this time. You got into therapy, started taking anger management classes, and got on some meds to try and help. You didn't stay in therapy nearly long enough. It isn't the first time you gave up on therapy either. You need it, bad, but you keep giving up on it after just a few sessions. Not even for me, but for you and anyone else that'll ever be in your life, you need therapy. It's not a bad thing. I need therapy, I know, and I'm working on it, I'm trying to find someone that'll take my insurance. 

    We did alright for a couple months, I believe. You were in therapy, and your new meds were helping for the most part. One random night, I can't remember exactly when, you got mad at me for buying you the wrong sized beer. 

    So anyway, you asked me to go to the store and get you a 40oz. I don't drink, I don't read the oz on a can. You just told me that it was just a big can of beer. So I went to Cenex, and got you a big can of beer, the biggest cans they have, in fact. I got home and you got biiiiig mad. You got so upset that it was the wrong size. My day was great, up until you decided to freak out on me for getting the wrong sized beer. I apologized and apologized again and again. It wasn't enough, you were just beyond pissed off about it. I got sick and tired of it, fast. Marcos was uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable, and didn't feel safe. I told you to leave, get out of the house. You left. I knew you'd be back, and I didn't wanna be in the house when you returned, so me and Marcos left to get away for a bit. We went to Plevna Bar because that's where my mom was working at that time. I didn't know where else to go so we went there to get away for a bit. You knew I was there, somehow. Isn't hard to guess, I guess. You came in calmly at first and asked to speak with me outside, I didn't wanna go. I knew it was gonna get out of hand, it always does. You begged and begged and swore it wouldn't escalate. It did. You had been drinking. You were still mad. Mad that I told you to leave, mad that I wasn't home when you got back. You started yelling and scaring me. I tried leaving and you pushed past me and held the door shut so I couldn't get back into the bar. I yelled at you to let me in but you were still making it difficult and honestly making me feel really unsafe. I managed to open the door a crack and yelled inside for help. You and Alice yelled at each other and she kicked you out and threatened to call the police if you didn't leave. Rightfully so. You recklessly peeled out of the parking lot. I don't remember the rest of the night, whether you ended up staying the night somewhere or not, I don't remember. But I do know you ended up moving out after that, anyway. 

    You left and moved in with Devon. I technically wasn't trying to kick you out, necessarily, but that's how you took it. So you found a place to stay. You got Bella from your parents because they were getting ready to get rid of her. You kept texting me, and we got along again for a bit. You'd come see me secretly, and it wasn't bad. Mostly, because I was being vulnerable and didn't want to tell you no because I was somehow still holding on to hope that you'd change. We got along well for awhile. It was nice. It was nice seeing you, and nice also having my own space. Mostly it was nice because I think you were afraid at the time that I'd tell you to stop seeing me at any given moment. You were finally being nice to me. It felt like how it was supposed to have felt our entire relationship. You'd sneak in the bedroom window at night after me and Marcos went to bed. You'd come lay and cuddle with me, a couple times you spent the night, and left after Marcos got up to go to work. You'd lay with me and we'd just talk in the dark quiet room and it felt so peaceful. More peaceful than the entire relationship ever had. I got to spend time with the good side of you, and I also got some me time and personal space.

    Married or not, I like personal space and time, and I found that it's not entirely possible really. If it is, you didn't really favor it. This isn't even specifically a you thing, but I don't like spending all day every day with just one single person. I like having time alone to do things for myself, and just kinda do my own thing, but that is hard when married and living with your partner. It wasn't something I ever thought was important to me until I didn't have it anymore. I need alone time. I need time where I'm not expected to spend my energy on hanging out with someone. I don't have a great social battery and it needs time to recharge I guess, and no one in my life seems to understand that.

    You and I probably did that for a little over a month. Eventually, Marcos found out we were regularly talking and seeing each other here and there and got uncomfortable with the uncertainty and he moved back to Arizona. At the time, I was upset, but looking back now, I don't blame him. You got to move back in to help with rent and stuff like that. We got better for a little and decided to keep trying on us.

    I didn't keep log of any fights from the rest of 2020, because we were trying to figure out life with covid and I wasn't really worried about the stupid little fights. I didn't log a first one until June of 2021. I know there were fights in between, but at this point I was too exhausted with the fighting and slowly losing hope of honestly everything, so it wasn't even worth it to me to try and keep track.

    I've tried telling you recently that I'd like me time, but you don't quite understand. I grew up terribly. I was homeless for the entirety of third grade, got held back because of it, and was homeless a little bit into my second year of third grade. When I finally got a home with my grandma, shit was still hectic. Constantly having to go to CPS offices just to visit my mom with my little brothers. Having to have supervised time-limited visits with my mom at the park. That was less than ideal for me as a third/fourth grader. It was rough. Living with my grandma was kinda cool for a while, I guess, but she was in no way responsible or mentally well enough to be raising three kids. So she didn't. I spent most of fifth grade, and all of middle school being the mother that my brothers needed. I didn't get to be a kid. I was homeless, and jumping foster homes until my grandma could take us in. When she did, I became a parent to my brothers. I made them dinner most nights, breakfast most mornings, and spent every moment with them I could making sure they were okay. It was like that pretty much all the way up until freshman year. You know about the car accident so I'm not gonna recap that or anything, but halfway through freshman year, my grandma died, and we had to move in with an awful evil woman. 

    I still wasn't allowed to be me. You know most there is to know about Robin, but again. I didn't get to be a teenager. Never went on a single date in high school. Never went to a single dance. Never went to a single party. Never even got to leave the house to go see a movie with a friend. Robin kept me home all hours of the day every single day of my life with her. I kinda had a boyfriend in school, but she didn't know about it, and we didn't even get to spend time with each other aside from having a single class together. She eventually found out about him and all she could do was make fun of him and make fun of me for liking him. He moved, and we broke up, and I tried dating a girl, and just had crushes in general but living with Robin made having any sort of personal life literally impossible. I only got to wear clothes she liked, and clothes she thought would look good on me. I couldn't do anything. She forced me to go to the one and only high school dance I've ever attended and that was prom Junioir year. I say forced because I was only allowed to go if I went with the one guy she chose for me. Hell, I couldn't keep my own dog that my grandma had gotten me a bit before she died. I had nothing. Robin left sometime during senior year, and I had a few solid months of freedom. My dad let me do pretty much whatever I wanted. Got to go on my senior trip and honestly that and the summer after high school are some of the highlights of my entire life. I went to my first few concerts. I got to go on road trips with my friends. I was allowed to do whatever I wanted. I got a girlfriend and was allowed to drive to California all by myself to go visit her, my dad was great. 

    A year after graduation I got a puppy, and moved to Montana to be with my family who I hadn't seen since I was in elementary/middle school. It was nice at first. But again, had to take care of someone that wasn't me. I had to raise my dog, which was fine, but I didn't quite think it through first. And at the time I kind of became my sisters free babysitter. At the time I didn't mind it, it was the first time ever meeting my nephews and I loved spending time with them, but never spent any time alone to try and figure myself out after all the trauma I'd gone through up until this point. 

    Aside from doing for my family and my new dog, I never had alone time ever. I've never done anything for myself. I was always doing for them, or jumping between relationships trying to get people to love me. Always taking the time and money to go visit all my friends and partners, and no one doing anything for me. Me not doing anything for me. I've only ever done stuff for other people. Which can be fun, sure. But I don't know who I am. I don't know what to do with my life. I don't know how to exist on my own, but I crave it. I don't have any solid hobbies. I don't have nearly a full wardrobe that has any form of self expression. I don't have any material or sentimental objects that are mine. I don't even feel like a real person anymore, just this being that sits around and waits for someone to tell me what to do and when to do it. It's all I've ever known. It's not good for me, and I'm ready for it to change and for me to find me and do things for me. It wouldn't hurt for you to do the same, either. 

[inthegardenofgenesis]

A Look into New English/Nou Anglish and it's history - Apocalypse

After Ilka's teachings had led the androids and technology left behind after the first extinction of humanity to end their wars and discover the "Human Key" (A term to sum up what makes humans human, on both a psychological, philosophical and psychical level), the creation of the first human was made following the uncovering of the human genome. Preparations were quickly put in place to begin bringing on the first "wave" of society. The new language of this society - Nou Anglish, or New English - was chosen to be based off of English for it's popularity and reputation as a global language. Though the androids had begun to quickly get to work in learning English for themselves, androids, being beings composed of steady patterns and orders, found the numerous inconsistencies in it's vocabulary and grammar to be greatly difficult. A linguistics department was created to do further research into English, and following the tracing of it's roots back to Old English and the Anglish project, a new plan was developed: Create a new variant of English that would be consistent and easily learnable for both human and androidkind. Nou Anglish was based primarily off of Old English, with bits of Anglish scattered about for words that were nonexistent to the prior. Over the years, and especially following the Decommission, Nou Anglish became more and more simplified and lax in it's pronunciations, resulting in it's current form at the time of Apocalypse. Barnabas' favourite NA word is "þeðken" (Thethken) - A word taught to him by Colin shortly after he joined the team as Ilka. "Þeðken" is a new word particular to Nou Anglish meaning roughly along the lines of "The realisation that at the time you exist, someone you've never met or is out of your sight, near or far, is currently existing and living their own life as well - In all manners of sight, feel, taste, etc. etc.". Barnabas commonly used it as a sign-off to Colin in their letters to each other.

[jupitermelichios]

So I’ve been playing a lot of skyrim lately, because it’s video game comfort food, and I decided it was time for my Redguard Dovahkiin to settle down. (Actually I specifically just wanted to be able to adopt some of the random orphans you meet because I felt guilty about them, but you need to be married before you can do that so that there’s someone at home to take care of the kids while you’re off galivanting).

So I travelled around a bit, chatting up likely looking npcs until I found one I both liked and didn’t feel guilty about marrying (I feel bad if I marry one of the warrior adventurer types, making them be a stay at home mum) and settled on an obnoxiously cheerful argonian called Shavee because her life was frankly shit, and I thought she’d probably be good with kids.

So off I go to Riften to the Temple of Mara to arrange the wedding. I book it in for the next day, realise I didn’t bring anything nice to wear, and spend the night before the wedding robbing every house in the city in the search for something to wear. Eventually decide everyone in Riften has terrible fashion sense and break down everything I stole into raw materials and use them to craft myself an outfit and some jewellery that i’m pretty happy with. I even carefully pick out my fanciest looking sword to wear.

(don’t know why I bothered, frankly, shavee turned up wearing a shirt covered in suspicious stains and weilding a pickaxe, it’s like she doesn’t even care about this marriage)

(also for comedy purposes, bear in mind I play with survival mods that mean my character needs to eat and sleep to live, and I literally spent the entire ingame night on this and forgot to eat and drink anything either and then just downed four bowls of wolf stew right before entering the temple so I didn’t starve during the ceremony. also I discovered during the wedding that I am dying of rockjoint, which I contracted from sleeping in a pile of hay on the floor of a skeever infested cave, so even being six foot tall and jacked can’t make up for the fact that I am exhausted, running a fever, and probably covered in wolf which I spilled because my joints are slowly atrophying, and even the fanciest clothes in the world aren’t going to cover that up)

so I enter the temple, and my finance is there, and Lydia my housecarl, and some random NPCs the game thinks are my friends because I did fetch quests for them

One of the random NPCs is Lisbet. Atfter I did her fetch quest, I then did another quest in which I discovered Lisbet is secretly a cannibal and part of a demonic cult that worships the daedric prince of decay by kidnapping priests, sacrificing them, and then eating their corpses. Raw. I think the raw meat is the sticking point for me here honestly.

I ultimately decided not to sacrifice the random priest to a daedric prince in exchange for one magic ring and all the raw human I could eat, because frankly, that doesn’t sound like much of a deal to me. I was expecting there to be some kind of dialogue choice where I could nope out at the last minute, but it turns out there isn’t one, so after they drugged the priest and tied him to the altar, I just got out my sword and started swinging.

I killed most of the cult (including the town butcher, because I had brought meat from him before and was extremely pissed off that he might have been secretly feeding me humans) but a couple of them got away, which I figured was fine because they weren’t trying to kill me.

Except it turns out, if any of them escape, then every time you see them in the future there’s a random chance that they’ll fly into a violent rage and try and murder you.

Lisbet is at my wedding. Lisbet decides that clearly me marrying this random argonian woman with two lines of dialogue is the happiest day of my life, and she cannot allow me that happiness, when I’ve taken so much from her.

So she tries to kill me. Only she can’t, because I’m stuck in a pre-rendered wedding animation, and also she’s sitting next to Lydia, my faithful retainer and owner of a really big axe.

It also turns out that Lisbet is essential, meaning she can be knocked unconcious but not actually killed because she’s needed for some quest or other. And the minute she wakes up from unconciousness, she tries to kill me again, so Lydia knocks her unconcious again, and I’m stuck, I can’t move, because I’m supposed to be in the wedding animation.

Except Shavee has, not unreasonably, see all this and decided that she doesn’t like me enough to risk getting murdered, and has done a runner, leaving me at the altar, but more importantly, leaving me trapped in a broken pre-rendered animation, so all I can do is stand there at the altar, staring at the space where my fiance was supposed to be, listening to the sounds of Lydia trying and failing to beat a cannibal to death behind me.

Okay, I think, clearly this wedding isn’t going to happen, I’m going to go for the registry office option and complete the wedding using the dev commands. I do this. The priest gives me a wedding ring, and I can finally move again. I chase after Shavee, who has an impressive turn of speed on her, and eventually catch up right by the city gates. I try to talk to her.

Apparently using the console has completed the wedding for me, but not for her, because she still only has the same 2 lines of dialogue she usually has.

Clearly this is working, I can’t leave my kids with someone who can only say 2 things and doesn’t even know she’s their mum, that’s irresponsible.

I try loading from inside the temple. I get the same problem.

Eventually I figure out that I need to use the dev controls to disable Lisbet’s entire existence in the universe.

Shavee and me get married. As the priest reads the vows, I stare at Shavee and wonder why she couldn’t even be bothered to put on a clean shirt. I wonder what kind of mother she’ll be.

Once the ceremony is over, and I’m happily married to the dirty green lizard of my dreams, and we’ve agreed that until I can make her recognise my extremely nice modded house exists I will share her single bed in the unheated flophouse in Windhelm she calls home, I re-enable Lisbet, because I’m worried I’ll forget if I leave it too long.

Fun fact about skyrim, it loads in quite a lot of npcs and objects by dropping them from the sky. I have no idea why this is the case, but it’s objectively the funniest way to load in objects.

I re-enable Lisbet. She falls from the sky, clips through the roof of the temple, and lands in the pew beside Lydia, stands up, draws a knife, and is immedately beaten unconcious.

I no longer care, because Shavee now has all the exciting new spouse-only romantic dialogue options like “Could you cook something for me” and “have you made any money lately”, and I know she’ll be a great mother.

I limp to the door of the temple, while around me the guests not involved in the Lydia-Lisbet murder cycle scream and duck for cover.

I open the door to the temple, immediately collapse and ragdoll down the steps, which is how I discover I am dying of rockjoint.

I limp to the orphanage down the street, adopt two kids, and then finally remember that I’m carrying garlic bread, which as we all know, cures all known illnesses.

When I emerge back into the street, full of the joys of motherhood and garlic bread, I find the town in disaray. Lydia is chasing Lisbet through the streets with an axe and a dragon is circling overhead, burning npcs to death. People are running for shelter, screaming, while the guards try to take down an entire dragon using only the worst bows and arrows in the game.

I decide that as a parent, I have to think of my own safety first and leave them to it.

I head out of the city, intent on returning home and figuring out why Shavee refuses to move in with me. A man hanging around the stables challenges me to a boxing match. For want of anything better to do, I agree.

Halfway through the fight he dodges at the wrong moment and I punch one of his horses in the head.

Two guards attack me while I desperately try to surrender. My kids will miss me, but I’m prepared to go to jail for my horse crimes, I’m an honest citizen. Also my horse crimes seem somewhat less important than the dragon.

The guards refuse to accept my surrender. I am stabbed to death. As I collapse in front of the indifferent horse, Lisbet exits the city, followed by Lydia. The last thing I see before I die is Lydia swinging her axe at Lisbet’s face.

[writer-akihiko]

Hi! If that's okay could i request some angst for the first years (+Grim, Crewel and Crowley? Platonic only for them)

MC/Yuu runs away from NRC due to all the shit they've been put through because of Crowley not doing his job, they do finally find them some days later but MC refuses to go back to NRC and tells Crowley that they despise him.

Reactions?

First Years + MC Running Away [+Plat!Crewel & Crowley]

I love the angst for this, and planning the emotions that they would feel! The dorm leaders also make a cameo in Crewel and Crowley's part. Cut for length.

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of Emotional Manipulation, Curse Words, Wounds and Mild Violence. Please read at your own discretion.

"I'm not going back."

"Wh... What?" He was astonished. "YN... I've looked far and wide for you- please-"

No words left his mouth as you stepped away from him, tears in your eyes and you were going to make a run for it again.

Sebek Zigvolt

Sebek was in a dilemma. He wanted to go back to NRC because of Malleus, but you refused to. You still meant a lot to him of course, but he still wanted to stay in NRC. He reached out to you, holding you in place with his Fae strength.

"YN, we have to go back. Please don't be unreasonable," He begged. There was no way he wasn't going without you.

You shook your head, trying to tug against Sebek as much as possible. There was no way you could fight against him, and you wouldn't want to hurt him either. "Sebek... Sebek just let me go. I'm just a human and..."

The moment was ruined with Crowley showing up, yelling at Sebek to bring you back. You mustered as much of your voice as you could. "No! Don't take me back!" You screamed at Sebek, who was holding you in a lock. "I hate him! I hate him, don't do this to me Sebek!"

His grip almost loosened at you saying you hated Crowley. Actually, he thought it was directed at him. It took a lot of effort for Sebek not to cry because he knew. He knew how much you didn't deserve the things you faced. The Overblots, the treatment and sheer alienation from other students, Crowley's neglect... He knew.

He blamed himself for getting so caught up in what his Master was doing that he forgot to care about you. When he found out that you ran away, he felt as if he deserved it. He pulled you in, tucking you against his chest and allowing you to cry.

He didn't bring you closer to the others, neither did he bring you away. He kept you close to him, as your tears stained his perfect uniform. Not a word came from him when you cried into him. It was kept that way, as the half-Fae dared to growl at Crowley and anyone else that took a step closer to you.

"YN... You're safe with me, alright?"

Ace Trappola

He told himself that he wouldn't get mad, but your refusal just rubbed salt in wounds as he remembered the sleepless nights of trying to find you. Beneath all of it, he was scared. He was scared that he lost you to some one else. He was scared that this world never suited you, and you finally went to your own, leaving him alone.

"What do you mean you're not going back?! YN, stop screwing around with me!" He screamed, throwing his magic pen to the ground. At this point, he was pissed about anything relating to magic. Magic was useless when it came to finding you.

"I'm not going so leave me alone Ace..." You told him, tears nearing at your eyes. "I don't want to. I don't want to. I'm done with Crowley's shit and I'm done with NRC."

You took a running start, but Ace caught you, pushing you to the ground. His expression caught you off-guard. He was crying, eyes puffy and tired as his face was pale, as if he hadn't gotten enough sleep.

"You're done?! How could you... I..." He didn't know what to say. You were right. You had dealt with enough. You never deserved it... If it weren't for him and his troublemaking ways... Maybe you wouldn't have to suffer...

"I'm sorry..." He coughed out, his voice strained. He kept you pinned on the ground, as his tears flowed with yours. "I'm sorry for being an idiot. I'm sorry for dragging you into trouble. I know you don't deserve it but I'm an asshole that does anyway..."

"Ace..."

"But!..." He went on, his eyes glossing over as he admired you once again. Oh... you were beautiful to him, even if you were crying in his arms. "But I'm selfish. I didn't want to let you go so I went after you instead... So hit me if you want, scream or punch me... I don't care, just don't leave me."

He sat up, pulling you into his lap, his chin under your head. "I was so lonely without you YN..."

"Godammit I love you..." He choked out, his tears never-ending. You both sat there, hugging each other as if it were your last days. You didn't dare to let go of him this time.

Deuce Spade

He didn't know how to respond. All he knew was that he had to hold onto you before you ran away from him once again. "YN... Wait... Don't leave!"

He wondered if he even made the right choice to stay on the side of bringing you back. From just the look of you, he knew you were tired. He knew those responsibilities were never yours. Your suffering just proved to Deuce how powerless he was. Maybe that's why he wanted to bring you back... as proof that he could do something for you.

"YN... I'm sorry..." He said, holding you close to him. There wasn't a thing he could do for you. All you went through... It was Crowley's irresponsibility. He did this to you. Deuce's grip tightened on you, as he though of what it could've done to your psyche. "YN... YN... I'll make sure he doesn't touch you. I'll make sure that he never comes near you again... YN, you trust me right?"

For all the times he wasn't with you, he was determined to make up for it. Deuce wasn't going to let you suffer through this alone, even if it means he gets hurt. It was better for him to get hurt than you, even though he was so desperate to ask Crowley to find you.

You nodded, hiding into Deuce's chest. His heart was beating so fast, most likely from the never ending search for you. You never regretted running away, but you missed Deuce and your other friends, and Grim too. The one thing you regretted was accepting Crowley's offer to stay here.

"I don't care what you do to me," You told him. "Just don't take me back. I don't to go back. I don't want to go back to NRC..." Your body trembled at the thought of moving back to NRC, but all thoughts of it were abandoned as you saw Crowley approach you.

You screamed, but he never touched you. Deuce stood in the way, as he shielded you with his own body. He pushed you back, as he grabbed tightly onto his magic pen. Abandoning all morals of propriety, he glared hard at the principal.

"...Don't touch her."

Jack Howl

He wasn't going to let you run away this time. "Don't move."

Jack couldn't believe that he found you so quickly. No, that wasn't it. He couldn't believe that you were still here. Despite him having a scent on you, you could've been miles away without him knowing. He thought you went back to your own world. He thought you hated him, but by the way you hugged him, it reassured him of any thoughts he had.

There was not single part of you that did not tremble when Jack told you he wanted to take you back. Your sheer refusal turned into an argument quickly, as you listed all the sufferings you went through. It was confusing and agonising for Jack to listen to you. He knew you needed this, but some of the things you said sent shivers down his spine.

"I…"

"It's okay YN. You don't have to go back," He whispered to you. Jack's ears flattened as yours tears made your eyes puffy. He got flustered since he didn't know how to comfort you any further, busying himself with wiping away your tears instead.

Jack was sharp. He knew Crowley was out to get you, even if you didn't want to. He wanted the easy way out, but Jack wasn't going to give him the chance. There was no reason why Jack shouldn't help you… but he'd be lying if he weren't scared of what would happen if you both were caught.

You and Jack had the same train of thought, so you shook your head. "No Jack… I have to…" You told him, your voice raspy. "You already found me and there's no use. You… You can't outrun him with me…"

Jack growled, baring his teeth at the person who caused you such misery. His claws were out, as he hid you behind him. You didn't make a sound, paralysed by the very person that pulled you in this hell. You only met eyes with Crowley for a moment, as the world swirled around you.

"I know I can't… But I'm sure as hell am going to try…" Jack ran away from the principal, with you tightly in his arms as he made a run for it.

Epel Felmier

He was more than angry. He never understood why you and him but now it was evident. It was because both of you were stubborn. You both always tried to grasp what you wanted, and in the light of attaining it, you both always made a run for it. For him it was power… and for you, it was freedom.

"Damn it!..." He cursed underneath his breath, quickly removing his jacket and covering your head in it. You were probably hungry and tired. You were probably scared. What was he supposed to do?...

How did it come to this? He was supposed to be the one that supported your desires, no matter how big or small as you did the same to him. But now, with him using Crowley to get to you… What was he doing? This was hurting you, not helping you.

He moved away from you, ripping off the magical tracking device off of him. "You damn liar!" He screamed. "How dare you hurt her like this… Do you think I'm some stupid puppet?! Like hell you're gonna reach her with my help!"

Epel stomped and tore the device apart, grunting at every time the magic deflection hit him. He didn't stop, ripping further into the grass as he cried for your sake. He never meant to do this to you. He got up, taking you by the wrist and pulling you much deeper into the forest.

"YN… YN we have to go. They were tracking me and they- they might…"

You stopped in your tracks.

"YN?"

You hugged Epel, holding him tight. He snapped out of his delusions, turning to panic about your well-being. "Are you hurt? If you can't walk I'll carry you, but we have to get away-"

"Stop Epel," You said, taking his hands into yours. "Stop… It's okay… I'm okay… I can't make it any further and I don't blame you… I just… wanted it to not hurt for a bit."

He broke down in your arms, as you both collapsed to the ground. Filled with exhaustion, you could only grip to his hands weakly. Before your eyes darkened, you remembered his last words.

"I'm sorry…"

Divus Crewel

He's horrified at your state. All his emotions were bottled for the time being. There was no reason for a puppy like you to be exposed to such horrid emotions from him. He shrugs off his fluffy coat, covering you in the coat, as he carries you in the coat.

Dire was quick to catch up to him, but alas, all that Divus had for him was disappointment. Even from teacher to teacher, no… even from magician to magician… all respect for Dire that he had vanished. The dorm leaders caught up with the principal, and from the looks of it, they were horrified.

"For this puppy to end up like this…"

No, he couldn't get angry now. He had to be the example to other students. Rosehearts, Al-Asim and Ashengrotto were in tears, while Draconia and Kingscholar were murderous. If it weren't the difference of authority, Divus would bet those two would maul Dire where he stood.

"Draconia. Schoenheit. Take YN away and treat her wounds," He commanded. Still wrapped in his coat, Malleus brought you to the others, as Vil observed for any of your wounds. Divus signalled the other students away as he took off one of his gloves, glaring at Dire. "I need to talk with the principal."

Dire was still, as Divus delivered a clean punch across his face. There was no need for further violence. It'd be an insult to what you suffered. Divus grabbed Dire by the collar, almost sneering at him. "Did you realise what you've done to that puppy? She's scared, she's suffered all because of you."

He left Dire alone. It's what he deserved. There was nothing to be done. If he further pummeled the crow man, he might just kill him right then and there. Divus, for now, had to be by your side as your father figure and welcome you back safely to NRC as you were meant to be. Before leaving, he picked up his sullied glove from the floor, saying his last to Dire.

"You don't deserve to be her father."

Dire Crowley

He was ashamed to use his magic on you, but he had to prevent you from running. It was a necessary measure, but the real thorns were your words that pierced through his heart. You yelled insults, curses and cusses at him as if you were held at gunpoint, your lungs exhausted from the constant shrieking.

"No no! Let me go," You begged. "I hate you, I hate you I hate you!" You chanted it as if it were a spell. "I wish you never took me in. Don't touch me!"

The words were enough for the magic to weaken, granting you your escape. Dire was not swift enough, but the Dorm Leaders were. They heard everything, every complaint you threw at Dire and every insult you had for him. Malleus caught you, but as soon you knew it was him, you pushed him away.

"No… NO! I am NOT GOING BACK!" You cried, holding your head in your hands, crouching into a ball. Leona quickly knocked you out. If you went on, you would've hurt yourself and the injuries you sustained from running away was concerning enough.

Against all odds, those seven turned to the principal, with faces of betrayal. All you had been through… They did not realise what burden Dire, and subsequently, they placed on you.

"Crowley… you were never gracious."

Dire was hopeless. He couldn't comfort you, he knew he couldn't be forgiven. He stood in his place, accepting his fate at the moment. He couldn't ask for your mercy nor forgiveness, and perhaps that was his fate. To be cursed by whoever he neglected.

"Please, take care of her for now."