#‘I HATE NEW BARBIE THE KIDS THESE DAYS WILL NEVER GET IT’ like PLEASE be old and bitter somewhere else

[idkwhatimdoingbutrandom]

if I have to read another dang ‘unpopular opinion: Raquelle is actually wayyy better than Barbie 🤭’ I’m blowing this place up

[redbullgirly]

HI BABRIE! HI KEN! [part 3, LH44 smau]

Lewis Hamilton x pregnant!reader [social media au]

Masterlist & Hi Barbie! Hi Ken! [part 1, LH44 smau] & Hi Barbie! Hi Ken! [part 2, LH 44 smau]

Summary: Lewis and his "real-life Barbie" girlfriend Y/N Y/L/N have a secret they keep from the fans. Though it's only matter of time before they announce the happy news... it's not like it can stay hidden forever anyways.

Warnings: Pregnancy. Slight hate and bodyshaming towards Y/N. If you're not in the right headspace, please don't read it!🫶

Author's Note: After quite some time, hello! I'm so sorry this took so long, but life has been so busy and hectic last month I simply didn't have time and energy to write this sooner. Though I'm very glad for everyone who waited for this part and I hope you'll like it. It's probably not the last one, I have few ideas for more parts. But I don't want to promise anything, we all know how long this part took XD.

lewishamilton posted on instagram

liked by orlandobloom, f1, sebastianvettel, emmawatson and others

tagged: yourcharity

lewishamilton So proud to support charity program for the involvement of children from disadvantaged families in sports yourusername has been working on for a few years now. All money raised from the friendly basketball match goes to the fond of the charity. Let's change lives of these talented kids together! 💫🙏🏾

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user1 basketball players should be grateful our king chose to be f1 driver 😌

user2 fr

yourusername together we can change the world for better!! 💫💕

liked by the author

user3 You make our lives better by existing Y/N😍😍

user4 I think this is too idealistic lol

user5 queen speaking facts and keeping us motivated

user6 LET HER COOK 🗣🗣🗣

user7 Sir Lewis Hamilton is Sir for a reason 👑

mercedesamgf1 🙏🤍

user8 even though he'll be driving for ferrari next year mercedes still supports him!!!

user9 and what did you think? that they'll ignore him or hate him suddenly? he still got a whole season w them 🤣 plus it's all marketing

user10 nah i'll just live in delusion that admin loves lewis & y/n🥰🥰🥰🥰

user11 I love how you use your platform to raise awareness

user12 omg he's so hot 🥵

user13 Wait, why is Lewis at Y/N's charity event instead of her? I usually support her, but this is just weird... why can't she stand up for her own thing?

user14 RIGHT?! idk why she didn't even bother showing there

user15 Honestly I think that Lewis going there brings more attention to it than just her going there, and it's a good thing people are noticing this organization. Though I don't understand why she didn't go there as well 🤷‍♀️

user16 guys stop wtf she could be sick or smth

user14 or she's just another attention seeker... never liked her tbh

user16 the only attention seeker here is u user14 get a life and stop hating 😘

user14 i'm not hating, i'm stating facts and unlike y/n i don't need a man to do shit for me lmfao

user17 Y'all are really getting mad over nothing xddd

user18 Amazing work! 👏 you make the difference, Lewis😍🖤💛

user19 the fact he has pink pants bc it's y/n's fav color and it's for a charity event she helped organize... i want a man like him 😩

user20 He's down bad for her!!!

user21 I mean... who wouldn't, just look at her🤭

user22 fr what i'd give to talk to y/n once

user23 Our fashion barbie iconic Queen 💖💖

user24 Lew giving the little boy a fist bump🥹

user25 he is going to be a great dad one day

user24 Oh definitely!🫶

user26 can't wait for dad lewis

user27 omggg imagine little him and y/n running around the paddock 😭😭

user26 they'll be sooo cute istg

twitter

yourusername posted on instagram

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tagged: mercedesamgf1, lewishamilton and roscoelovescoco

yourusername japan grand prix w my favs 🇯🇵🤍

view all 4,249 comments

lewishamilton 🤍🤍

liked by the author

user1 awww i live for bf lewis

user2 YOU DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER

user3 and who would that be user2 ?? you? lmfao u wish🤣🤣

user4 the disrespect of writing these things under HIS COMMENT where he shows SUPPORT to HIS GIRLFRIEND...

user5 Lewis & Y/N 4ever 🫶

user6 omg look at roscoe baby so cute

user7 the teeth I can't🥹

user8 It's Roscoe's world and we're just living in it fr

alexandrasaintmleux so prettyyy 🙏🌺

liked by lewishamilton and roscoelovescoco

yourusername oh stoppp u are prettier 💓💐

user9 Girls supporting girls and wags supporting wags... that's what we like!!!!

user10 the fact lewis liked alex's comment w two accounts is the best thing that happened this week😭

user11 shut uppp I didn't even notice it before user10 😭 he's such a simp I love this 😭😭

user10 i knoooow😭

user12 finally you attended a grand prix this year!!!!

user13 😍😍😍😍😍

mercedesamgf1 It's always brighter with you in the paddock Barbie Y/N!💖

liked by the author, lewishamilton and carmenmmundt

yourusername next time i'm going all out w the pink 💖🫶

user14 the legend herselffff

user15 Admin is slaying and supporting Y/N 💁‍♀️

user16 MOTHER IS SERVING ONCE AGAIN🧎🏻‍♀️

roscoelovescoco Enjoying's dad's racing's w my's best's mum's ☺️🏎

yourusername enjoying dad racing w my best son 🥹💕

user17 not roscoe slowly learning y/n's slang and saying w instead of with🤭

user18 and the fact Lewis is the one really writing it... !!!!!

user19 They're such cute a family🥰

user20 mum and dad and son... I can't it's too adorable 🫠❤️‍🩹

user21 Literally the queen of f1 and gorgeousness keep slaying

user22 where is the usual barbie aesthetic?!😥

user23 fr I want pink dresses not blue trousers

user24 Guys she can wear whatever she wants

user23 yeah true but still... she already built that image so why not keep it wtf 🤷‍♀️

user25 Covering her fat stomach with the purse ewww 🤢🥴

user26 i wanna take u haters seriously... but I just can't xd

user27 if you have anger issues like me and don't like online trolls, pls stop scrolling people! there are so many dumb users from twitter in these comments!🙃

user28 I just don't get why they're hating on Y/N all of sudden... what did she ever do to them

user29 idk, probably bcs she wasn't active for a while (she was probably not feeling well or smth as she said in an interview few days back) and didn't attend any gp till japan this year (again she was probably sick so understandable)... plus lot of f1 "fans" are jealous bitches change my mind

user30 Internet always moves in waves and one time everybody loves u and then they hate u 😬

user31 yeah but it's so sad cause y/n is such a sweetheart🥺❤️

user32 I honestly wouldn't care about the haters if they didn't attack her body and the way she looks... that's down right embarrassing and disgusting

user33 AGREED user32

twitter & messages between Y/N and Lewis

lewishamilton and yourusername posted on instagram

liked by maxverstappen1, shawnmendes, t22felton, charles_leclerc and 27,925,028 others

lewishamilton It's hard to put into words how happy and excited we are. Can't wait to hold our baby in a few months and support my dearest love on every step of the way. Feeling blessed right now 🤍🪐

comments on this post have been limited

charles_leclerc Well, that's a shocking news I didn't know about this time...😂

charles_leclerc But big congratulations!❤️

yourusername yeah we needed to give u heart attack w smth too 😉💋

susie_wolff Congratulations Lewis and Y/N, you will be great parents! 💫🫶

yourusername thx susie, we have great role models in u and toto!!! ✨❤️‍🩹

lewishamilton 🫶🏾🫶🏾

kellypiquet what a great news!🥹

yourusername love u kelly 💕

sebastianvettel Many congratulations!

lewishamilton Thank you Seb!

yourusername will u be the fun uncle??? pls seb 🥹🙏

sebastianvettel If you'll make me their godfather....

yourusername done deal 🤝

lewishamilton I-... fair enough, done deal

fencer EXCUSE ME?!! THAT'S NOT FAIR

charles_leclerc Yeah what is this favorism?!

yourusername guys it's seb how could we say no 😌✨

charles_leclerc True... fair enough then I guess 🙂

fencer I still feel VERY offended

yourusername charles don't use that ironic emoji on me and fencer u can have the second child

lewishamilton Darling that sounds like you're sacrificing our second child while the first one isn't even born yet...

yourusername whoops 🫢🙈

sebastianvettel Do you realize this is not a private conversation?

yourusername actually u can set selected comments private seb 😁

charles_leclerc Wait seriously?!

lewishamilton No, she's just testing if he's old enough to believe her 🙄

yourusername you're sour bc u believed me the first time i tried it love ☺️🫶

sebastianvettel This is exactly why I didn't have Instagram sooner.

charles_lecerc We love you Seb!❤️

yourusername yeah we do love u our new godfather!!!!💖

mercedesamgf1 Congratulations from the whole team!🤩🤍

liked by the author

alexandrasaintmleux awww so happy for both of u!💞

yourusername hope you're prepared to be the fav auntie 🤭💋

alexandrasaintmleux anything for my little nephew or niece hamilton 🫡

scuderiaferrari The next world champion on the way?😍❤️

yourusername pls i hope they'll stay far away from racing 😭

scuderiaferrari Well... then we'll at least get another tifosi 😉

georgerussell68 Wishing all the best mate!

liked by the author

landonorris Wooohooo congrats!!!

landonorris Wait- do y'all realize you'll be parents now? Like real REAL parents of an actual child?!

yourusername yeah lando that's how it usually works when u get pregnant 😊

landonorris Yeah but... wait! The child needs to be McLaren fan!

yourusername your mission to get all hamiltons to be your fan is getting more complicated, isn't it? 😂🫢

landonorris Shhhh Y/N it's a secret mission 🤫

yourusername oh my bad sry

yourusername wait why do i know about it then???

landonorris Ehhh... miscalculation?

yourusername tf lando 😭

lewishamilton I'm starting to think this baby will be our second child and Lando is our first...

landonorris Wow so can I officially say Lewis Hamilton is my daddy now?😀

lewishamilton NO

yourusername lando don't you dare or istg

landonorris Byeee parents!! 🤗

f1 Let's go! 💖👶

francisca.cgomes babyyyyy 🤎🍂

pierregasly Why the leaves?

francisca.cgomes bcs it's an autumn babyyyyy

yourusername love u kika 💕

pierregasly Oh congrats by the way!🫶

yourusername thx pierre 💕

logansargeant RAAAAAHHH 🇺🇸🦅

logansargeant Sorry alex_albon took my phone 😒 I wanted to say congratulations!🤍

alex_albon 😇

yourusername lol

yourusername but thx sm logan, you're such a sweetheart! 🫶

lilymhe I swear it'll be the cutest baby ever

yourusername babe it'll totally will if u say so 💋

kevinmagnussen 🙌

hulkhulkenberg Welcome to the dad's club on the grid Lewis! 😉

liked by the author

oscarpiastri What a happy day, congratulations! 🧡

yourusername what's the orange heart doing here oscahh??? 🤨

oscarpiastri 💖

oscarpiastri Better now?

yourusername thx oscar sm for the congrats!🥰 also you should use my signature heart emoji more often 💖

twitter

yourusername posted on instagram

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tagged: lewishamilton and alexandrasaintmleux

yourusername enjoying the barbie life 💖💐

view all 2,013 comments

lewishamilton Beautiful, gorgeous and my Barbie!

yourusername awww my ken 💞🫶

user1 omg i love them sm

user2 I wanna have what they have

user3 the effect bf Lewis has on me should be studied 😩

user4 Just the fact he usually isn't active on ig and doesn't comment or anything... and she is the only exception😭🤭

user5 gorgeous literally so gorgeous

user6 The baby bump 🥹🥹

user7 and she looks so good with it too 🥹🥹

alexandrasaintmleux such good times hanging out with my fav barbie! 💋💖

yourusername the best times girly!!! 💕

user8 i live for this friendship

user9 Imagine these two next year in Ferrari garage together!😍

user10 literally the only good thing coming out of lewis leaving mercedes

user11 fr fr user10

user12 Are those flowers from Lewis???

roscoelovescoco Yeah's they'res from's dad's 🌻☺️

user13 OH MY GOD ROSCOE HIIII

user12 Can't believe Lewis Hamilton replied to my comment as his dog 😭

user13 lol user12 u really won life xd

user14 this is sooo cuteee 😻

user15 You and Alex look so good together! Hope you'll be friends forever!

kellypiquet where's the bag from? it's so pretty! 😍🤍

yourusername idk lew gave it to me for christmas last year... i'll ask and let u know!! 🤍🫶

kellypiquet 🫶

user16 The queens of the paddock right here 🙌

user17 still can't believe y/n & lewis are going to be parent in a few months

user18 RIGHT?! It's like a fever dream for me 😭

user19 Yeah i was excited for dad Lewis so long that now I can't believe it's finally happening 🤭❤️

user20 the best wag right here

user21 and soon the best mum!

user22 Ur STUNNING 😭💖

user23 Woman 💅

user24 proud to say i never hated on Y/N

user25 YES

user26 always knew she's the queen 👸💗

lewishamilton posted on instagram

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tagged: yourusername

lewishamilton My beautiful Barbie. The love of my life. My partner for good times and bad times. Mother of my child. The only woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. Y/N Y/L/N. 💖💫

view all 31,274 comments

yourusername can't describe in words how much i love u lew!!! 💖💫

lewishamilton Love you too darling, so much!

user1 I can't 😭

user2 i wanna have what they have

user3 THE BEST COUPLE EVER

user4 if they ever break up love isn't real

user5 I'll tell my children they are the original Barbie & Ken

user6 my parents 🥰

user7 y'all don't understand how much i love them

user8 The best parents ever!!!!

roscoelovescoco Mums looking's gorgeous 🥹☀️

lewishamilton She in fact is.

yourusername my boys making me cry 🥹💓

roscoelovescoco Oh's no's mums don't cry's 🙁

yourusername don't worry baby it's happy tears 💞

user9 now I'm crying too... this is so sweet

user10 The reason they're my favs😍

user11 why is this so precious 😭😭

user12 so prettyyyy

kellypiquet Our Barbie looking like a goddess!💅🏻💝

liked by the author

yourusername thx kelly!!!💕

user13 she's fr glowing 😻

user14 Thought she can't get more beautiful than she was before but pregnancy proved me wrong

user15 MARRY HER

user16 we love bf lewis dedicating whole post to y/n 🤭🤭

voguemagazine 🤩📸

user17 ariana what are u doing here?!??!!

user18 Even Vogue is an Y/N fan and we love it

user19 y'all don't understand how bad i need her to be on the cover of vogue or some other magazine 😩

user20 OMG user19 SHE WOULD SLAY IT TOO HARD

user21 You should marry her now!!! 💍💍

liked by roscoelovescoco

user22 heyyy did someone else see lewis like it and then un-like it?!😧

user21 When the notification of roscoelovescoco liking my comment came up on my phone I nearly dropped it and screamed... like what? Excuse me sir!!! 😃

user23 LOL I love how he goes savage liking comments w his dog's account and then regrets it immediately xd

user24 guuuyyyssss what if it means we'll get proposal soon???☺️

user21 I wish!!!!

twitter

THE END

Author's Note: Thank you for reading it to the end! I'll be very grateful for likes, comments, reblogs and every other sign of support. Also you can let me know if you think baby Hamilton will be a girl or boy 🤭. Have a great weekend! (Btw if someone wants to talk about their predictions for Saudi Arabian Grand Prix, they're welcomed bcs I don't have anyone to talk to about it XD)

Taglist: @namgification @hc-dutch @bloodyymaryyy @nat-lh-44 @cosmoscoffeee @daniellef89x @xoscar03 @67-angelofthelordme-67 @nathalielovesonedirection @raizelchrysanderoctavius @leclerc16s @carpediem241108 @onecojg (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

[auras-moonstone]

Hi! Ursula I hope your day is great! I was wondering if you can do Jack champion x reader them watching the Barbie movie and them like having matching cute pink outfits and like them posting about it and the routine of them getting ready!

hii! love this request, i loved barbie!! btw can we appreciate how pretty jack looks in pink?? like 😫💕🥺😭💓🥹💖 i’m in love with that man

feel the glamour in pink — jack champion

word count: 1,376

pairing: jack champion x fem!reader

THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING JACK LOVED MORE THAN SEEING HIS GIRLFRIEND HAPPY. And he would do anything to make her feel like that. So, when Y/N asked him if he would be up to have matching pink outfits to go see the Barbie movie, he instantly grabbed his keys and led them to the mall.

“You know we don’t have to buy anything, right? I have pink clothes, and so do you” Y/N laughed as he dragged her towards a shop.

“We don’t have to, but I want to buy you a new outfit” Jack told her. Y/N opened her mouth to protest, but he pressed his lips against hers before she could mutter a word “I want to spoil my girl”.

Y/N blushed—something she always did when he called her ‘his girl’. “Okay, fine”

They spent a few minutes seeking for pink pieces of clothes until they made a few outfits. “Now go try them on for me”.

“Yes, sir” she teased as she entered the changing room. She grabbed the first outfit—it was a checkered pink dress and a short pale pink cardigan above it.

When Jack heard the click of the door, he turned his head and with wide eyes took in his girlfriend’s figure. “Holy shit”

“It’s really cute, but the dress is too short for my liking”

“Well, certainly not for mine”

Y/N laughed and rolled her eyes “I’m not getting this dress”

“That’s okay. Next”

The next one was a bit more like her. It was a white top and jeans with wide legs and a cute hot pink blazer.

“Oh, yeah. Blazers are your thing, babe. You look like a hot business woman” Jack said when she got out of the dressing room. Y/N threw her head back laughing.

“I really like this one” Y/N said, checking herself in he mirror.

“This is really hard” she heard Jack say as she changed into the next outfit. “You look good in everything, how are we supposed to choose?” Y/N rolled her eyes with a smile on her face, completely in love with the way her boyfriend was always complimenting her.

“Jack I think this is the one!” Y/N said as she opened the door. Jack fell silent, inspecting her with detail. Yes, this was indeed the one.

That deep shade of pink matched her skin tone perfectly and the clothes looked absolutely good on her. It was a white tube top underneath a hot pink vest and high wasted shorts of the same color.

“Please never take that outfit off. I’m begging you” Jack said, standing up. “You look fantastic. I’m going to look so bad next to you”.

“You could never ever look bad, and you know it” Y/N laughed, grabbing him by the fabric of his shirt to pull him down in order to give him a kiss—which was supposed to be short, but Jack had other plans. “Nuh-uh, sir. That’s completely inadequate. You have to wait outside the dressing room” she said in a playful voice when Jack tried to pull them inside.

“I hate you” Jack said, throwing himself on the couch like a little kid who had just been denied a candy.

“I love you too, you big baby”

“BABE CAN WE DO A LIVE WHILE WE GET READY?” Jack asked her, he was already dressed. He had put on a white tank top, jeans and a pink jacket—which was the same color of Y/N’s outfit. “The people are asking”

Y/N laughed “Sure, why not. You look unbelievable handsome, by the way”.

“Thanks, love” Jack kissed her nose before setting his phone on the bathroom counter, checking that they could both be seen “Hi, guys! We are seeing Barbie tonight and we are getting ready. Well, she’s going to get ready I’ll just stand here to admire her”

“Hi!” Y/N waved nervously. She wasn’t part of the media. Jack’s fans knew her as his best friend—who was now his girlfriend—, and while they all have been super kind to her, she still gets a bit anxious.

hi y/n/n!!

you look gorgeous y/n/n !!❣️

jack move away we want to see y/n😫

y/n/n if you ever dump jack hmu

“Hey, if you’re going to flirt with my girlfriend and be mean to me I’m going to end the live” Jack frowned and pouted like a baby. “And she’s not going to dump me, quit it”.

“Oh, poor Jack” Y/N said, giving him a kiss on the cheek which made him smile.

“If you’re going to kiss me everytime they insult me, then please keep insulting me guys” Jack said with a smirk.

“Stop seducing me. We need to hurry” she scolded her boyfriend “I’m going to get dress and then I’ll do my make-up”

“I can’t wait for you to see her outfit. It’s so good” Jack said when Y/N left the bathroom. “We went to the mall together yesterday to choose it”.

are u excited for the movie?

“Yeah! Y/N’s excitement is contagious. She has been talking about the movie non-stop since it was announced. She’s a huge Greta fan. Wish you guys would hear her rumbling about Barbie, she’s adorable”

awe he’s so in loveeee

“I mean, if you guys fell in love with her with only a couple of tik toks and instagram stories, imagine how head over heels I am” he laughed.

“Ta-dah” Y/N said entering the bathroom as Jack whistled. “Thank you, guys!” blood rushing to her cheeks as she read the compliments the people in the chat were telling her.

“You look beautiful” Jack grinned, eyes shining like fireworks. She smiled shyly as she embraced him in a hug. “Can I do your make-up?”

“Sure. I’ll keep it simple, though. First, eye-liner”

“Oh, this is scary” Jack said.

“If you poke my eye out, there are people witnessing it. Remember that” Y/N teased him, closing her eyes. She felt him carefully making the cat eye and the simple brush of his fingers against her skin made her feel dizzy.

“Ready” he squeezed her waist.

She looked herself on the live and made a surprise face “Jack, that’s actually cute”

Jack smiled contently “Now, what?”

“Mascara and lipgloss” Y/N said, handing him the stuff. He put the mascara first and then his favorite part—the lipgloss.

Y/N watched his face of concentration and melted. “You’re adorable. And you have the most beautiful eyelashes. So unfair”.

“Y/N! Thanks, but don’t move your lips! Now there’s lipgloss all over your face” he laughed.

“Hey, don’t you wanna check if this lipgloss lasts?” Y/N smirked.

Jack’s eyes twinkled and the corner of his mouth lifted “I guess this is the end of the live. We’ll tell you what we think… of the movie, not the lipgloss”

“Bye guys!” Y/N said as her boyfriend ended the live. Immediately, Jack’s lips were glued to hers.

“Hmm, grapes” he muttered, making her laugh.

Y/N ENTERED THE CINEMA WITH PERFECT EYE-LINER AND MASCARA AND LEFT WITH HER FACE LOOKING LIKE A RACOON. Jack rubbed her shoulder comfortingly throughout the way home. He couldn’t put into words how much the sight of her crying pained him.

“Babe, what can I do for you? Do you want a hot bath? Snacks? Ice cream? Do you want me to put your favorite Taylor Swift album on? Want me to give you massages?”

Y/N laughed and rested her head on his chest as she shook her head no “I’m fine, I promise. The movie left me a tad sensitive but I’m alright. Thank you, though, you’re the sweetest. I love you”

“I love you more” he kissed the top of her head lovingly. “Do you want to cuddle in bed?”

“Yes, please. So much crying left me exhausted” she laughed.

“You know that you’re the smartest, funniest, most gorgeous and kindest girl in the world, right? You have the purest heart and you make me so so happy” he grabbed her from the waist, lifting her from the floor.

A bright smile instantly appeared on her face, and it was physically impossible to erase. Her heart felt so full of love she was afraid it might explode “I love you so much. You’re the best boyfriend in the world and you make me extremely happy too”

jackchampion she’s everything, i’m just jack y/n.l/n

y/n.l/n you’re perfect and i love you so much

jackchampion no you are🥺❤️

jacksdaylight how was the lipgloss- i mean, the movie???

jackchampion 10/10

y/n.l/n it was the best thing ever, thanks for asking!

[eustassslut]

Could I ask for some platonic headcanons on what it would be like to be besties with Heat, Wire and Killer please? Thank you, and I hope you have a good day!

Heat:

It's a buy one get one free deal, Wire comes for free with Heat

Very touch starved so he's always randomly hugging you or draping his arm over you

The best person to gossip with, he somehow knows everything about everyone he's ever met

Naturally runs super warm so hugging him is the best in the winter

Gets sweaty very easily and always ends up trying to wipe himself on you

Can't run very fast so you'll win any races against him

Loves to sit and listen to you rant about your interests/hobbies

Will research anything you're really interested in so he can ask questions and do it with you

Gives you forehead kisses

Has a key to your room and often uses it to take naps on your bed

Massively in debt so you'll either end up running from marines after he shoplifts or end up paying for the stuff he wants

Tries regularly to blackmail you into buying The Sims expansion packs

The type of best friend who everyone thinks you're dating but both of you feel sick at the thought of dating

Walks into your room so often without knocking that he's seen you naked, but does not give a single shit and cannot see you in a sexual way

Can communicate with you with eye contact and facial expressions

Platonic cuddles in his bed

Arguments with him last 4 minutes before he starts laughing

Whenever he wants to learn a new hobby he makes you do it with him

Will never forgive you for the time you drew a smile over his mouth whilst he slept because you said he looked too miserable

Steals your clothes so often that you sometimes have nothing in your wardrobe

All decisions in your friendship is decided by rock paper scissors

The game has devolved into a free for all though, he'll whip out a gun to shoot your rock

Makes the most disgusting food but always insists on cooking for you and watches you until you take a bite of it

Has your skin care routine memorised and does it for you when you're tired

Wire:

Super protective

The best concert buddy, he will go to any concert or gig you want

He also let's you sit on his shoulders if you can't see anything at the concert

Acts like your older brother

Knows everything about you, even things you never told him

Will threaten anyone you go on a date with and quiz them until he feels satisfied

Makes you the best hot chocolate to cheer you up

Only you know the secret recipe and has threatened you with death if you tell anyone else

Wants you to be the godparent of his future children but would rather die than tell you that

Watches Real Housewives with you and gets incredibly involved with the drama

Throws popcorn at the tv and makes you pick it up

Spoils you with whatever you want or he thinks you might like

The ultimate wingman in clubs

Doesn't talk often, so prefers it when you do most of the talking for him

Makes you learn sign language so you can talk shit about people next to them

Likely childhood friends who joined the crew together

Can read your body language incredibly well

So incredibly bad at poker

Can read your tells, so you are also bad at poker when you play with him

Made you swear a pact with him aged 10 that if you're both still single by 35 then you'll get married and adopt cats or children together

Traumatises you with his sick fetishes whilst you're trying to sleep

His love language is teasing you

Matching friendship bracelets with your names on them

Killer:

Did you want a new mother? No? Oh well you're getting one because that's how Killer is towards you

He makes sure you have a decent sleep schedule, regularly drink water and cooks you healthy meals

He will also prioritise cooking your favourite foods over cooking Kid's favourites

Kid claims he hates you for this but he's happy Killer has another person he can trust so much

He lets you paint his nails and play with his hair whenever you want, it's like having a barbie doll as a best friend

Will beat up anyone who laughs at you and would probably cry if you did the same for him

Trusts you to see his face but still struggles to let you hear his laugh

He still trusts you to hear it, he's just still working towards overcoming his insecurities

The ultimate reading buddy, he loves sitting and quietly reading books with you

Will read to you if you want him too

The type of friend who comes to pick you up after work so you get home safely

Scary dog privileges

No one would dare harass you when you see him walking next to you on the street

If you do stupid shit around him, he'll just deadpan like he's on the office and question why he let you join the crew

Will desperately try to get you to work out with him

If you have younger siblings or a child he'll spoil them rotten and be their favourite uncle

Killer and you are like the crew's parents who are just keeping everything together

Platonic coffee dates where you both sit in silence and read

Takes care of you when you're ill or hungover by making you soup and sitting with you

Also washes your hair for you and runs you elaborate bubble baths

[lovelythegirl]

hi!! this is my first post and it’s a lil tibit based on my own personal experience and writing usually helps me release those anxieties and thoughts that I’m too scared to share aloud. I’m also not sure if I’m doing this right so please be nice and patient with me. <333

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I’ve seemed to only run into him on fridays. Sitting in a pleather black couch in the second floor common area, a face mask adorned my mouth watching whatever the other girls streamed from netflix. Not that I paid attention to it. How could I? Though as nostalgic as they are, I’m not all that interested in rewatching those poorly animated Barbie movies from the 2000s as some of my floormates do. Yet, their company was better than none and spending the past six months in quarantine had me realize how much I hate being alone. Besides, I enjoy the ongoing commentary and shared laughter from that odd grouping of girls. It made the ongoing stress of my mental and academic health less daunting.

But back to him, I never planned it, it’s not as if I wait with my legs curled up on top of another as I rest my laptop on the meat of my thighs waiting for him to come through that heavy wooden door into the second floor. That divider between worlds since he was a third floor kid. We had a lot of mutual friends, and one of them has the reputation of being Ferris Bueller of the dorms with his door always open and booze always flowing. So it was common for anyone and everyone to stumble upon Daniels room on any given moment during friday and saturday nights.

Yet, when he comes into the common room no matter how bright that lumiating stark lights might be, he makes them shine brighter. So I’d sit on that black couch like I always seem to do during the evenings, with the same groups of girls, face mask on and a front row seat position to the second floor door. Skinny pop fresh and buttery in a mixing bowl on the coffee table in front of us. More laughter from The Princess and the Pauper as it plays on the big screen, the light tapping from the keys of my Macbook as I edit the last paragraph of my gendered studies paper, and through all the noise, there it is. Suddenly as it is almost expected, the heavy door of the second floor opens and my eyes, the only eyes paying attention, look up and there he is.

Oversized Football hoodie adorned on his body, jeans, and sneakers. I stand from the couch, and like a child greeting a parent after they’ve come home from work, I come towards the door.

“Jesse!” I call, and with mutual open arms I embrace him.

“How are you?” I would ask. He responds positively and asks the same of me. I’d tell him that I’ve been good as well, then we’d part ways. I’d go back to the pleather couch blushing through the RGB face mask and he’d walk his way to Daniel's room for the usual weekend kick back.

It never phased the girls I’d sit with. They would never question it. Eyes never leaving the screen and I liked it that way. Not that I was embarrassed about liking Jesse, there was nothing I was ashamed about when it came to my feelings for him. It was more about not being comfortable with talking about my infatuation because what if he gets word of it and doesn’t feel the same way? I’ve never been in a relationship before because I was never desirable enough for the generation I grew up with, the kids in my town. I was “too weird” or “too fat” for them to even give me the time of day. When I muster up the nerve to tell a crush that I’ve liked them, it always resulted in snickering or straight up grimaces. Growing into my new maturity physically and mentally, I knew my worth now as something beautiful, but part of me still feels blinded by others' attraction. Or even signs if someone even likes me back. Since I was so immune to it before, what if I’m over thinking or overlooking the signs? How do you really know if someone actually likes you back? There aren't enough questions for me to ask Wiki How to get the answers I need. I’d ask my friends but I’m embarrassed about how naive I am. They’re all beautiful women with their lists of past and current partners, and I have this irrational fear of them making fun of me. That I'm some prudent virgin. It sounds silly, trust me I’m very aware. If these girls made fun of me, then they’re not really my friends are they? However those thoughts still linger and somehow I’m oddly comfortable with the embracement of his arms and the “hi, how are you?” between us. Never wanting it to go further, because I don’t want to lose what I have. Don’t want to lose that comfortability between us into something more for the fear of the “what ifs.” What if he’s just a nice guy, what if he doesn’t like me back, what if he likes someone else. I keep myself steady into what I already know. Which is a warm hug and short conversation once a week where I wait until the next friday for him to come down to the second floor and into Daniel’s room.

Yet there are weekends where I would randomly see him later on in the evening where we’re both a tad inebriated off of cheap liquor and watered down beer. Our conversations would drift more loosely, but come the next day I couldn’t remember what we talked about, only that I knew that I talked to Jesse the night before, and I would wake up with a terrible hangover and a loose smile on my face. Drunk on him, hoping that maybe he feels the same way.

[apiratecalledav]

As requested, my Stranger Things season 4 thoughts. Spoilers, obviously.

Overall, I think it’s pretty awesome and the strongest season since the first, but there’s some worrying things plus a bit that I’m really peeved about.

The Good:

I’m digging the longer episodes. I normally hate over an hour (Thank you, ADHD) but I’ve been desperate for content for so long, that it’s just been glorious. The finale is supposed to be over two hours, though. That might be a bit rough.  

I was worried they were going to try to redeem Brenner or retcon that he’s always been disgusting but I think I like the direction it’s going. I do hope they reveal how he survived though.

Every time El called Hopper “my dad” added a year to my life. Millie continues to knock it out of the park.

El, Jonathan, and Will being sibs. My heart is full. I hereby dub the Hopper/Byers clan as The Hyers family.  

Dr. Owens is back! I adore Paul Reiser. I like that he’s a dash more morally gray than most of our protagonists but is ultimately still very decent. The way he tracked down El was straight up epic.  

Argyle is funny as fuck but also a pure soul. I was a little apprehensive about “Jonathan becomes a stoner” but I think they’re pulling it off well. I definitely get why he’s stressed and depressed. Not being able to count on Hopper to step it up while Jonathan went off to school is not something I considered. Also, super different for Charlie acting wise and he’s nailing it.  

I adored Chrissy! I love that she wasn’t some bitchy Barbie but super sweet and just a little bit goofy. The poor angel never had a chance.  

Gah, those absolute badass agents trying to protect El and the Byer Boys. 😭   

Suzie’s family being complete Cheaper by the Dozen chaos was unexpected yet so fitting. Plus comedy gold. “I will repent later.”  

So happy to see Powell and Callahan again.

Steve’s face is still intact. Please keep it that way. That shit is so, so old and tired.  

Everyone screaming “DRIVE” in unison gets me every time. Probably fav running gag.   

The satanic panic stuff is good. I like that Jason has a sympathetic streak and believes his intentions are good. It makes him more interesting and makes it easier to get why others join him.

In general, I liked seeing that the jocks weren’t all just brainless meatheads and/or bullies. Bonus points for them always wearing their monogrammed jackets so I can remember their names! 🤣    

I’ve been waiting a long time for all the parents to get together and realize their kids have been lying their asses off for years. I always imagined Joyce being there and awkwardly trying to explain while not actually explaining. But Erica was a good alternative.

And oh, Erica. Still hilarious, to no one’s surprise. I just love that she’s not the typical “precocious girl” archetype. She likes math, politics/current events, instead of being a bookworm or a techie and confident and outspoken and not a wallflower.

Her shutting down Jason and threatening Lucas with whatever is under his bed slayed me. “The whole couch is on fire” is my new way of saying “that’s bullshit.” 

Joyce and Murray. I’m enjoying their dynamic and their adventure. A good, blend of mystery, suspense, action, and some charming zaniness. Murray as Yuri.  My sides.  

Yes, some of “Hopper the zek” stuff was a bit slow but they payoffs with his first escape and fighting the demogorgon were incredible. Not even getting into to his reunion with Joyce. Just. So. Precious and perfect.

Also, love Tom Wlaschiha since his Jaqen days. How many languages does that dude speak?? I’ll be so sad if he doesn’t get back to his little boy! They already got Alexei! They can’t have Dmitri, too!  

Eddie was kinda cringe at first in the cafeteria scene and seemed like the new Billy but dang, did that turn around. I loved him in the woods with Chrissy and he’s only gotten better. I’m so here for the way he’s just an unapologetic weirdo instead of The Cool Guy or the Bastard.  

Robin in Nancy’s clothes. I feel so seen. My sister would put me through that crap all the time when I was little.

Also thought it was nice that the hospital director admired Robin’s passion.

I’m liking Robin and Nancy being friends. It felt a lil forced at first but their field trip was everything I never knew I needed. Also, it’s nice we’re getting to see different characters interacting more.  

The new cast/cameos/homages are delightful. ‘Specially Freddie Krueger as Victor Creel. Loved the initial Hannibal Lector vibe of the scene.  

I am cautiously putting Mike and El here because they are long overdue to have some issues. But I hope things resolve between them because their relationship is a central part of the series to me.  

Max writing a goodbye note for Steve. I don’t know why but I think that’s so adorable. I guess ‘cause it means he does hang out with the kids (besides Dustin) when the world isn’t in danger and he’s absolutely the big bro she deserves.  

I straight up lost it when Dustin told Steve he was missing his collarbones but not his eyes. 🤣. 

Hopper’s cabin getting a cameo.  

I’ve started  watching a second time (tagging along for my parents first viewing) and the foreshadowing is damn good.  

It is so poignant that Will’s project was on Alan Turing.  A gem of an Easter egg, for sure.    

I thought we’d get a quick visit from Billy/Dacre and it was well done.  I’m glad it wasn’t a flashback because there wouldn’t have been a good way to do it, imo. A happy memory would feel like romanticized bullshit and we didn’t need any more unhappy ones.

I saw some people complaining that Max mourned him at all but he was her brother. And despite being a colossal asshole, he did choose to die as a human being instead of “living” as a monster. There’s nothing wrong or unrealistic about how Max feels right now.

 I cackled like a freaking loon when Lucas said, “when did Steve get so hairy?” Because I said the exact same thing the other day when rewatching season 3. For the first time, I noticed quite a bit of hair trying escape that Scoops Ahoy uniform and was a little shocked. 😂

On a more serious note, I always feel better seeing actors allowed to have body hair. Waxing is, like, borderline inhumane and since I’m not from the Capitol in The Hunger Games, people suffering for others’ entertainment makes me super uncomfortable.  

The symmetry/parallels or whatever with Hopper and Brenner with El. 

The Creel house. The first proper journey to the Upside Down (get them hazmat suits stat!) and their escape. Creepy, trippy, weird, and fascinating.    

Max. Lucas. Need I say more? Prolly not, but I’m gonna: I think they’ve been the MVPs so far this season. Their separate storylines have been amazing but together? My heart!!! They might be promoted to OTP. What I initially liked about these two is they were so normal and lighthearted compared to Mike/El and Jonathan/Nancy. But this storyline has been so incredibly, believably, gorgeously told with stellar performances by Sadie and Caleb. The end of Dear Billy in particular is so, so beautiful. I hoped Running Up that Hill would feature this season and to actually have it be a plot point… 🥹 I listened to my favorite cover by First Aid Kit this morning and had a good cry.   

I want to be pissed about how retcony the other numbers feel— Kali/Eight in season 2 definitely implied Brenner collected the kids from all over the world/they all had very different powers. But it’s done so well, I’m giving it a pass. I kinda dig that El is a middle child. Makes it feel different from “aha, the chosen one at last!” trope.  

Vecna is a refreshing change of pace. I actually wish he was the Mind Flayer’s boss/the ultimate big bad. I think having him once be human makes him scarier and eviler. But I dunno, maybe they ARE all one thing he created? They’re building up to Dustin being wrong about something, I think. Which brings me to—

Holy shit, One. I don’t think I need to say more. I connected certain dots separately but not all of them together, if you get what I mean. Loved it. Plus, Jamie Campbell Bower is always good value.

The Bad

I’m disappointed with El thinking she’s a monster again. I think the bullying resurfacing some repressed memories was pretty good but... the storyline feels… kinda late? Especially since it’s a season long arc. I’d have liked it better if they told her straight off she wasn’t the one behind the attack. It’d be more interesting to me if her journey was about her learning to see past her mistakes and discovering why she’s heroic.  

My boy Doc Owens not warning El that she was about to be reunited with assface.  Dude, come on. Wtf.  Redeemed himself some by chewing him out.

Will’s technically catching a break so far this season, which actually highlights how hellish his life has been. Obviously he wasn’t as close to Hopper as El was, but Hopper was also his (step)dad— Owens even acted like Hopper and Joyce were both Will’s parents in ST2– then he got dragged away from his home/friends; helplessly watched his sister suffer; his brother is becoming unrecognizable; he has a thing for his BFF, which is already complicated and painful enough without the fact that said BFF is also his sister’s boyfriend.😭 But hey, seven episodes in a row without a monster trying to eat him!  

I totally get Robin changing a tad this season from being more comfortable/less guarded because of Steve. But here and there she seemed jarringly different (like how she’s suddenly no longer capable of “playing it cool”) and a few of her comic relief lines fell flat (the compass, earthquakes, attic.).  It’s obvious she’s only here because we like her. Which brings me to…

I am starting to get nervous about how far things are starting to tilt towards fan service. Elements of it have been present since season two but alarm bells are ringing for me. I’d hate for this show to go the Glee route— pandering to (usually toxic) shippers, not wanting to change “the winning formula” which lets characters/situations get stale, etc.  Sigh. At least we’re close to the end.  

I don’t mind Jonathan and Nancy having problems, in fact, I’d probably find it ridiculous if they didn’t. But why THIS way? I loved in season 3 that they had real discussions, even about the ugly stuff. They hashed things out, opened up each other’s minds. I went from “yeah, they’re pretty cute” to “Hell, yeah, I ship it!”

It sucked to see that all go out the window. Obviously, they’re still kids, so I wasn’t expecting anything super mature. But both of them avoiding/ignoring their problems felt lazy.  At the very least, why couldn’t they have been taking a break? Which brings me to—

The Ugly  

Steve and Nance having romantic tension again. Barf. 

 I was somewhat prepared— that weirdly intimate scene in the trailer combined with the complete lack of a potential love interest for Steve among all the new characters. But still. Just… why.

I see some bearable avenues they can take with this but I don’t think it’s necessary and it makes Nancy look awful: Like a serial cheater or that she only wants what she doesn’t have and like still doesn’t grasp how shitty Jonathan’s situation is. She grew up so much, especially last season, and they’re just… pissing all over it??

It’s a little easier to swallow on Steve’s end but I felt like he also really regressed in the early episodes— still so desperate for female attention and just doing the dating equivalent of “throwing it all at the wall and see what sticks.” If they had to have him make heart eyes at Nancy again, then he should’ve still had girls treating him like a townie loser who peaked in high school.

I thought Dustin cheerleading R/S when he barely knew Robin was juvenile writing but at least Dustin was young. Robin practically encouraging Nancy to cheat? Ew. Eddie, who’s probably 20 as a third time senior, declaring what is “true love” between two perfect strangers?

Holy fuck, if it’s not intentionally paralleling Dustin being “ wrong” about Steve and Robin then it is so painfully amateurish that I do not have words. Only Murray can get a pass on that kinda thing because he’s been established as borderline clairvoyant from early on.

Also, a couple of the effects aren’t on par with most of them. One’s transformation and the demobat battle were silly looking. Normally I’m very forgiving of tv show budgets but with how great everything else looked, it was a bit jarring.

TL;DR most of it is awesome, with Max, Lucas, and Lumax being the best. But I fear  they’re relying too heavily on fan service and I’m scared it could be the show’s downfall. Also, my tolerance for bullshit love triangles was obliterated about a decade ago.

[lavenderlucy]

Bite Your Tongue

Hi everyone! Here's a little “truth serum” drabble loosely based on season four (Pre-Silas and Caroline and Tyler did break up). Bonnie and Caroline experiment with a truth spell and Caroline gets stuck with the consequences. I’m still pretty new at this so please be kind. Enjoy! 

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Bonnie Bennett was at the very top of Caroline’s shit list today. Now she knew why vampires hated witches so much. Not that she truly hated her friend, but she certainly understood the sentiment. Ever since Bonnie started working with Professor Shane she had been practicing different kinds of magic that made Caroline more than a little uncomfortable. But never let it be said Caroline was unsupportive of her friends, so when Bonnie asked for a volunteer for a new spell, Caroline agreed and played guinea pig. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Caroline swore to herself that if she found a way out of this she would never get within spitting distance of magic ever again.  

When Caroline got to Bonnie’s house she listened to her friend explain that this spell would be a game changer when it came to dealing with the Originals that were still taking up residence in their town.

“Trust me, Care. This could really work.” If Caroline had a dollar for every time she had been bitten in the ass for trusting her friends, she would be a very rich woman.

“Is it safe? I mean you aren’t going to like accidentally kill me or anything are you?” Caroline asked, nervousness evident in her voice.

“It’s completely safe, Care. I promise.”  Bonnie’s answering smile didn’t exactly put her at ease.

Overly trusting, stupid bitch would be on her gravestone. Before Caroline could actually agree to the spell, Bonnie started chanting. Caroline found herself unable to move and she tried to tell Bonnie to stop, but by the time she could get her friend’s name out of her mouth, the chanting stopped and the spell was complete. Bonnie looked at her like she was examining her under a microscope.

“Well?” Caroline prompted, eyebrows raised. “Did it work?”

“Who really broke my Barbie when we were six?” Bonnie asked.

“What? What does that have to do with any- me!” Caroline threw her hands over her mouth and looked at Bonnie in shock, eyes wide.

“I knew it! And yes, it worked. It’s a truth spell. The subject of the spell can’t lie. Don’t you see, Care? We could ask Klaus or Rebekah or even Kol anything and they have to answer! We could find out straight from them where the white oak stake is or if there’s another way to kill them. Shane thinks this spell could be valuable.” Delight danced in Bonnie’s eyes.

“Oh of course Professor Creepy thinks it’s a good idea. Are you freaking kidding me, Bonnie Bennett?! All of this for witchy compulsion?” Bonnie knew how she felt about her mind being messed with. “How do you know it would even work on them? And how you know they won’t kill us all as soon as they realize what the spell does?” She was fuming. She could feel rage seeping into her veins and she knew she needed to leave before she could no longer control herself.

“Relax, Care. I’ll break the spell right now. Right after one more question.” Caroline’s body prickled with suspicion and she saw something she didn’t recognize in her friend’s eyes. Professor Creepy has got to be brainwashing her.

“Bonnie I swear to God, do not ask me-”

“Do you have feelings for Klaus?” Bonnie asked pointedly. From the calculated expression on Bonnie’s face Caroline knew she had been planning to ask this very question from the beginning. She wondered if Shane put her up to it. Shane had an unhealthy obsession with the Originals. Caroline wouldn’t put it past him not to know about Klaus’s soft spot for her. Caroline bit her tongue until she tasted blood and glared at Bonnie. She hoped she conveyed just how betrayed and enraged she felt through her eyes. “Yes,” she bit out lowly. “Now undo the spell, Bonnie. Right fucking now.”

Bonnie closed her eyes and started chanting again. Caroline waited for something to happen, but the feeling she got when Bonnie did the spell the first time never came. Bonnie’s chanting grew louder for a few moments before she stopped.

“What are you doing?” Caroline questioned. “Why did you stop?”

“I-I can’t undo the spell. It’s not working. I-” Bonnie looked panicked that her magic wasn’t working.

“Figure it out, Bonnie!” Caroline yelled. “Look, figure out a counter spell and call me when you do. I need to leave,” Caroline spat out before storming out of Bonnie’s house, the door slamming behind her with a satisfying smack.

Caroline let out a frustrated growl and continued walking away from Bonnie’s house and into the nearby woods. She needed to take out her anger on something living, and since killing a human was out of the question, a deer would have to do. She let her monster out and flashed deeper into the woods to hunt. She couldn’t tell her friends, but using her gifts was exhilarating. She loved how powerful and dangerous she felt. Within minutes she hunted down a deer and sunk her fangs in.

When she finished feeding she straightened and wiped her mouth, catching any stray drops of blood. She took a grounding breath and turned back in the direction of Bonnie’s house, calmer than before and ready to help her find a solution to her situation. She barely took another step before she caught a familiar blur speeding toward her in the corner of her eye. Klaus stopped in front of her, smirking and handsome. Why today of all days? Caroline tipped her head back to look at the sky, not believing her bad luck.

“Hello, sweetheart. Out for an afternoon stroll? Although by the looks of it you’ve been hunting. Back on the animal diet then?” He tucked his hands into the pockets of his designer jeans and took a step closer, eyes bright and mischievous.

“Yes! I needed to let off some steam so I came to the woods to hunt so I wouldn’t hurt a human.” The words came out of Caroline’s mouth before she could even think about trying to stop them. She rolled her eyes and swore under her breath. “Look, Klaus you need to stay away from me today. I mean it!” She backed away from him as she spoke, eyes wide and looking for her easiest and quickest escape route. She knew she couldn’t outrun him, but she could certainly try to put some distance between them.

Klaus took a step toward her and put his hands out like he was trying to calm a scared animal. “Caroline, love. What’s—“

“No!” Caroline shouted and closed the space between them and pressed her fingers against Klaus’s lips, effectively cutting off his question. His eyebrows rose in question.

“Please don’t ask me any questions. Please.” Her eyes bore into his, silently begging him to comply. After a few more seconds she slowly removed her hand from his warm mouth. In the back of her mind she wondered what it would feel like against her own mouth instead. Bad, Caroline. She shook the thought from her head while Klaus looked at her in silent confusion. Great. Now he thinks you’re insane.

Klaus gripped her upper arms and peered down at her, worry clouding his features. “Love, tell me what’s wrong. I can help you.”

Caroline shook her head and looked away from him. His proximity and masculine, woodsy scent was overwhelming her already heightened senses. Klaus moved one of his hands to her jaw and turned her face back to his.

“Come now, Caroline. It can’t be that bad,” he reasoned. He continued to scan her features for any clues of what she wasn’t telling him. Caroline’s face heated under his gaze. He took another moment to look at her before his face turned hard, eyes sharp, and asked, “Alright what did your little friends do now? What is going on?”

She knew he probably thought her friends were engaging in another plot against him. She bit her lip until she drew blood. Klaus’s eyes were immediately drawn to the action. “Caroline, tell me. What is happening?” He rasped. Caroline could see lust building in his eyes as he watched her lick away a drop of blood from her bottom lip.

“Bonnie worked with Professor Shane to make a truth spell and she tested it on me. They want to use it on you and your family to get information about your weaknesses. She didn’t tell me what the spell was or what she wanted to do with it until after she cast it.” Desire evaporated from Klaus’s blue eyes and was replaced by rage and wolf gold. His grip on her arms tightened almost painfully before he let her go. He walked backward a few steps and ran a hand through his hair in exasperation.

“Are you insane?” He yelled. He ignored Caroline’s whispered, “no” before continuing. “You let a baby witch who doesn’t even understand her powers yet experiment on you! You don’t have any idea of the possible consequences of what you’ve done. For fuck’s sake, Caroline!” Caroline was surprised by his outburst. She knew he cared about her, but he seemed genuinely upset that she put herself in danger. He wasn’t even focusing on the plot against his family. “Children,” he muttered under his breath before asking, “Did the witch say how long the spell lasts?”

“We-we don’t really know. Bonnie tried to undo it after I freaked out, but she couldn’t do it.” Caroline bit her lip again, trying not to think about how hot Klaus looked when he was angry. Totally not the time!

Klaus looked her up and down, eyes dark, before approaching her once again. He raised his fingers to her face slowly and pulled her lip from her teeth. He brushed his thumb across her lips before trailing his hand down her jaw and neck. Caroline tried not to let herself be affected by his touch, but it was impossible. All of her nerves were on fire and the heat was spreading. She’d been fighting her feelings for Klaus for months and she couldn’t do it anymore. Klaus didn’t look in any better shape than she was. He was breathing harshly and staring at the porcelain skin he was touching. He met her eyes and spoke, voice deep, “Do you like this?”

“Yes,” she replied, moving impossibly closer to Klaus.

“Do you want me to touch you more?” Klaus looked like he was barely holding himself back from ravishing her right there in the woods.

“Yes. I want you to touch me.” She tilted her head to look up at him before surging up and pressing her lips to his. Yes. Klaus quickly took control of the kiss and deepened it, his tongue licking the seam of her mouth. Caroline gasped and he took advantage of the opening and brushed his tongue along hers. She always wondered what it would be like to be kissed by Klaus. After all, he had a thousand years of practice. He definitely did not disappoint. She knew she would be ruined after this. No one could ever compare to the feeling of his lips moving over hers. Caroline bunched the fabric of his dark gray Henley in her hands before running them up to his shoulders and into his dirty blonde curls. Klaus circled his arms around her waist and pulled her firmly into his body. Caroline tugged on the ends of his hair making Klaus growl in his chest. She felt her nipples tighten in response.

Klaus broke their kiss to trail his lips down to her neck. He took his time nipping and licking a spot over her pulse that Caroline didn’t even know existed. She threw her head back to give him better access and let out a breathy moan that sounded almost like his name. Before she could form a coherent thought, Klaus dropped his hands to her ass and pulled her up, encouraging her to wrap her legs around his waist. She wrapped her legs around him, the skirt of her yellow sundress bunching at her hips. He flashed them forward to a tree and pressed her against it, hands moving her waist. The bark scratched her back and sent a shiver down her spine. He returned his lips to hers and stole her breath away. Caroline dropped one hand from his hair to grip his necklaces and pull him even closer. Her other hand went to the back of his neck and she dug her nails in. He groaned loudly and his hips jerked into hers in response. She gasped into his mouth at the delicious friction and rolled her hips against his. Caroline was determined to give as good as she got so she pressed her breasts against his chest and bit his full bottom lip before soothing the sting by sucking on his tongue. The growls and moans he let out traveled straight to her core. Klaus pulled the straps of her dress down her shoulders harshly and peeled the cups of her bra down to squeeze her breasts and roll her nipples between his fingers. Caroline moaned loudly and she could feel herself becoming impossibly wetter. Klaus broke their kiss and pulled back slightly to meet her eyes. His pupils were blown and ringed with gold.

“Klaus,” Caroline whined, trying to pull his lips back to hers. Klaus smirked devilishly at her before moving his lips to her ear.

“Do you want me, Caroline?” The way he said her name was downright sinful. “Do you want me to have you right here in the forest?” His lips brushed against her ear one last time before he bit her earlobe, making her cry out. His eyes met hers again as he waited for her answer.

“Yes. I want you right here.” Caroline eyes were glazed over with lust and she didn’t care that anyone could see them out in the open. She tried to lean in to kiss him, but he held her back. Klaus chucked lowly at the look of frustration on her face.

“What do you want, love?” He was teasing her, playing with her inability to lie to him. Under normal circumstances Caroline would be seriously pissed, but she couldn’t summon any feelings other than desire and lust in that moment. For some reason she found the power he had over her extremely hot. He could ask her anything he wanted and she had to tell the truth.  

“I want you to fuck me and make me come against this tree.” Caroline wasn’t typically this vocal during her romantic encounters, but she couldn’t help it. Even without the spell Klaus probably could have gotten her to make the same confession. Klaus smiled wolfishly at her before rolling his hips into hers, making her throw her head back and moan. She inwardly cursed her panties and his jeans. He’d been hard for her since the second she kissed him and right now she needed that hardness against her, inside her.

“When I have you, love, I want to take my time. I want to spread you out on my sheets and worship you until you can’t remember anything but my name. I want to spend hours between your thighs and brand myself along your body. I want to make you scream until your voice is hoarse and your body is so sated that your vampirism can’t help you. I want to fuck your tight little body right here and make you call my name to the skies, but the first time will be in my bed where I can ruin you for anyone else. I’ll make you so desperate for me that you won’t be able to even think of anything but my cock and tongue in you. But I’ll not deny you the orgasm your body is craving right now.” Klaus’s voice became deeper and his accent got thicker as he spoke. Caroline thought she might combust just from his words.

Klaus moved back from her just enough to get his hand between them. He ran his fingers over her soaking panties before moving them aside and slipping his fingers into her wetness. “Fuck, love. You’re so wet for me,” he growled. He brushed her clit once with his thumb and sunk two fingers inside her core, making Caroline cry out and moan his name. Klaus hoisted her up higher on the tree and began working his fingers inside her before taking her pink nipple into his mouth and laving it with his tongue. Caroline had never felt anything like this before. By no stretch of the imagination was she a blushing virgin, but none of her other lovers had left her as wet and desperate for touch as Klaus. She clenched her thighs tighter around Klaus as she rode his fingers.

“Klaus,” she bit out. Klaus released her nipple and began sucking and biting her neck with blunt teeth. “Tell me what you want, love, and I’ll give it you. Just give me the words.”

“Rub my clit and make me come. Please.” She begged. Klaus doubled down his efforts and put his thumb back on her clit before adding a third finger to her tight pussy. Caroline let out a strangled moan and moved her hips faster against his hand.

“That’s it sweetheart, give it to me. Ride my fingers. Come for me.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Caroline exploded around his fingers with a high-pitched moan and saw stars behind her eyelids. She lost track of time while she was coming. When she finally came down she met Klaus’s gaze and he looked like she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Her chest was heaving and his eyes dropped to watch her breasts move up and down.

“So beautiful,” he whispered. He removed his hand from her and brought his fingers to his mouth to lick away the evidence of her need for him. Caroline thought she might come again from the sight of him licking her off his fingers. She was about to try and persuade him to forgo his original plan of a bed and fuck her in the woods when he dropped her legs from his waist and righted her bra and the straps of her dress. The tree at her back was the only thing keeping her upright. Klaus pressed a gentle kiss against her lips before pulling back with a grin. He looked as wrecked as she did. She could still make out the hard line of his cock under his jeans and she sincerely hoped he wouldn’t make her wait once they got to his bed.

“Alright, love. Come with me. There’s a witch in Charlotte that owes me a favor. I’ll have her meet us at my place. She’ll be able to remove the spell.” Klaus grasped Caroline’s hand in his and began pulling her in the direction of his house. Caroline’s body finally caught up and started moving.

“But Charlotte is hours away,” She said, a smirk forming on her lips.

“I guess we’ll have to find a way to entertain ourselves in the meantime.” He looked at her over his shoulder and threw a wink at her before flashing off with her through the trees.

[djjarins]

pta and pb&j’s: first day (single dad! javier peña x f! teacher reader)

summary: single dad javi prepares his twins, Sophia and Lillie for their first day of kindergarten - finding it a little hard to let them go - meets their new teacher - who has some words of advice for him.

warnings: mentions of anxiety/javi's former job, single parenting stress and anxiety

a/n: this is the first part in my series, pta and pb&j’s! i’m so excited for this one, with the reader being a cute, young kindergarten teacher who has a huge crush on mr. peña. i’m not sure how many parts i’m going to do yet, but i know it’ll be a few. let me know if you wanna be tagged in upcoming parts, and as always reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated!!🤎

"Good morning my angels, its time to wake up," Javi whispers, gently shaking the arms of his twin daughters. Their two twin beds sit parallel to one another, separated by a small bedside table with a lamp, the small light illuminating the pink room. The room sits nice and tidy, except for a few stray dolls on the floor near a bin of other toys, but Javi can’t find himself to be mad about the small pile of Barbies.

Sitting gently on the edge of one of the beds, he makes sure to not knock over any of the meticulously organized stuffed animals spread across the fluffy comforter. Looking down, Javi sees in his younger daughter, Lillie’s arms sits the small, gray stuffed bunny rabbit he gave her and her sister the day they were born, the long floppy ears peaking out and hanging over her blankets.

Looking over to the other bed, he sees Sophia, the older of the twins, has the matching white bunny in her arms as well. He lets out a chuckle at his girls - they were heavy sleepers - quite the opposite of himself.

He always thought they’d come running to his room during a storm, but they always managed to make it soundly through the night, and that it was him who could never fall back asleep. He was jealous of them in that way, most nights not being able to sleep due to the racing thoughts in his mind. It was nothing to worry about, just normal things regarding his job here back home and anxiety over other things. Javi sighs at the sight of his baby daughters, hating that he has to wake them up.

"Girls, we can't be late for your first day of kindergarten!" The former DEA agent says softly, breaking out into a smile as his girls begin to open up their eyes, letting out small yawns before jumping up to wrap their small arms around their father, pulling him into a hug.

The stuffed bunnies drop to the side as Javi picks them up in his arms, swinging them around playfully, before placing them down and bringing his fingers to one of their sides, Lillie letting out loud giggles as he tickles her.

A few seconds later Javi drops his arms from Lillie's sides and switches to Sophia, her laughs echoing across the room as Lillie tries to “stop” her dad by lightly pushing at him, her laughter joining her younger sister’s. A moment later Javi jumps up to his feet and makes quick work of making his way over to their closest, picking up the uniform tops and skirts and bringing it over to the ends of both beds. He sets aside their backpacks, which the trio had packed the night before along with their lunches, making sure to place it near the door so they don’t forget it.

Turning back to face his daughters, he kneels down so he can be at eye level with them. “While you get dressed do you wanna pick out what braids you want me to do for you both?” he asks softly, nodding to the small American Girl Doll book on Lillie’s desk that features all different styles of braids and updo’s.

Javi prided himself on working through almost every style within the purple book, practicing on the girls or on one of their dolls when they are asleep or at daycare. Many nights have been spent following youtube tutorials leading up to the first week of school - what can he say, he wants to get this right. He can proudly now say that he has mastered the art of braiding.

Lillie’s voice snaps him back to reality. “Ok dad,” she smiles, moving to grab a jacket from her dresser, “can you pretty please make us pancakes?” Sophia asks, flashing her signature “puppy dog eyes” which make her father weak every time.

At 5 years old, they already have him wrapped around their fingers. He can’t even imagine what it will be like when they get older.

"Of course I can!" Javi laughs, leaning his hand down to playfully ruffle at both of their hairs. "Anything for my princesses.”

Walking out of their room, Javi makes his way down the hallway and the stairs towards the kitchen, quickly looking at the time and making a mental note of when to leave. He doesn’t want to be known as the dad who brought his kids to school late on the first day. He’s heard that some of the moms at this school can be a little gossipy, and that’s the last thing he needs right now.

Once in the kitchen, Javi reaches up into the cabinets and grabs the dry ingredients and a bowl to start up the pancake mixture. Opening up the fridge, he grabs the wet ingredients and some strawberries to serve on the side.

But as he starts his prep work, Javi can't stop the feelings of nervousness from creeping in.

It has nothing to do with the anxiety he still has from his previous job, some nights waking up suddenly when remembering the things he saw, the things he did.

Its not that.

It’s that his baby girls are growing up right before his eyes.

Javi has been on his own with Lillie and Sophia their entire lives, their birth mother exiting the picture shortly after they were born.

Months of preparing for the twin’s arrival, painting the nursery - what color to pick? is pink to overused, what about yellow? It took nearly 4 trips to the local paint store to pick a color. Buying clothes, doing research, going to birthing classes - none of it could prepare him to do this all by himself.

He was scared to be a father, hell, being a single father seemed even scarier, but the minute he held his baby girls in his arms, Javi swore that everything felt right in the world.

The two rested easy in his arms, just hours old and it brought Javi to tears. They were just so tiny and innocent, and at first he struggled a bit - with the person he was in the past - did he deserve to have such sweet angels in his life?

But his girls have showed him that he can have a new start. That he was meant to be a father, a protector. And he was a natural.

Snapping out of his thoughts, he starts mixing the batter before pouring several drops into the pan rested on the stovetop, a faint simmering sound coming from the butter's reaction to the heat. The older man cuts up the strawberries into quarters and starts placing them into two small bowls when he hears the distinct sound of two pairs of shoes clomping down the staircase.

Quickly turning around, Javi is met by the sight of his two giggling daughters running towards him, opening his arms wide to pull them into his embrace as they finally reach them. Holding them close to his chest for a moment, he almost doesn't want to let go. He knows that his girls are growing up and that he can't do anything about it, but he can't even begin to think about them growing up and leaving him without his heart breaking.

Pulling away, he asks the girls about the hairstyles they chose while he flips the pancakes, french braids being chosen as usual. Javi uses the spatula to plate up the panckaes and makes sure both girls get their bowl of strawberries before grabbing one of the many colorful combs around the house and parting Sophie's hair for the braids.

The two girls giggle and talk about how excited they are for their first day as their dad skillfully styles their hair, making sure to use elastics that he knows won't tangle into their hair when they take the braids out.

As the girls finish up their breakfast, Javi finishes off Lillie's braids before brewing up a pot of coffee, knowing he's going to need it to get through the day. He gently directs the girls to go get their things so they can head out, reaching up into one of the cabinets to grab a travel mug.

As the girls scurry away to their room to grab their bags, Javi brings their lunches out of the fridge and takes two nearbye napkins and a pen and quickly scrawls down a little heart on each one before slidding them into each of their pink lunchboxes.

"Lets go Dad!" Sophia chuckles, leading her sister back down the stairs and over to the kicthen, reaching up to grab at the two lunchboxes, "is it time to go?"

Javi feels a smile play at his lips, "Yes honey, its time for us to go," he responds, grabbing his travel mug and walking with his girls out the front door, making sure to turn and lock it before unlocking his car and helping the girls into their carseats.

Once seated in the drivers seat, Javi looks up at his rear view mirror and sees his two baby girls smiling up at him - a sight that he never gets tired of - and pulls out of the driveway.

“Let’s go honey bunnies,” Javi says playfully, the nickname one he’s had for the twins since they were in diapers.

He gets out of his parked car and heads to the backseat, reaching in and unbuckling the girls from their car seats and helping them down to the ground, making sure to hand them their jackets, backpacks and lunchboxes before extending his hands for them to hold onto.

Feeling his daughters grip his fingers, he helps walk them across the parking lot and inside the school, stopping in the main office to sign himself in as a visitor and put on a name tag before walking down the hallway to the kindergarten wing.

The trio passes several brightly colored murals on the walls, Lillie pointing out her favorite animals on the one nearest to them as they make their way further down the hallway, coming to a stop outside of the classroom. Giving the girls’ hands a small squeeze, he tells them it’s time before opening the door.

The first thing Javi notices is how comfortable the classroom feels.

He sees a big comfortable rug in the front of the room near the whiteboard, a few of the twin’s new classmates sitting on it with some books as other kids play at their desks. The room is decorated with neutral colors and has several big cushions spread across the floor, almost like the cushions the girls have in their playroom at home.

Around the room the desks are organized in little groups, each with a label of the student’s names written in delicate cursive, a small water bottle and a snack already placed on the desk.

Javi doesn’t notice the two girls letting go of his hands and running off to find their desks, instead looking at the front of the classroom and seeing the “welcome” message written on the board, welcoming both students and parents to their first day of kindergarten. Javi feels a smile play at his lips at the “classroom mascot” at the front of the room, a small green stuffed chameleon that he would recognize anywhere, pascal, from his daughters’ favorite movie tangled.

The girls were going to love this teacher.

Just as he turns to tell the girls, he bumps into someone behind him.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking!” Javi exclaims, his eyes widening when he realizes he just knocked down the poor woman behind him. Looking down, he sees the you look up at him with a smile, which causes him to raise an eyebrow.

“It’s okay, don’t worry!” he hears you exclaim, watching as you brush the pant legs of your brown corduroy overalls off, “I work with kindergartners so i’m used to things like this.” you laugh, reaching out to take Javi’s extended hand and stand back up.

Javi feels like an idiot, he knocked over his girls’ teacher.

Once in your feet, you introduce yourself to him, your name sounding like honey coming from your lips. Feeling a small bit of butterflies in his stomach, Javi coughs nervously before introducing himself, pointing over to his girls seated over at their desks and telling you they are his babies.

“Aw they are so precious!” You smile, taking a look and seeing them talk to some of their desk mates, “I made sure to sit them together, I know how scary it can be on your first day of school, and I figured sitting them together might put them at ease,” you say softly, a smile pulling at your lips at the sight of your new students.

Javi feels a bit of weight has been taken off of his shoulders - he was worried the girls might even be in separate classrooms - something they had never had before - but he knows he’s lucky to have them stay together. He looks over at his daughters with a smile before turning back to you, the smile on your face contagious.

“Thank you,” he says appreciatively, “I was worried about them - I’m still worried i’m not going to lie,” he laughs nervously, looking down at his feet for a moment as a flush of embarrassment washes over him like a tidal wave.

You tilt your head at him and nod, “It’s normal to be nervous Mr. Peña,” you start, reaching out your hand to rest on his arm as he looks back up at you, chocolate eyes locked on yours, “this is a big step for the three of you. Getting here and dropping them off is the hardest part I promise you, your girls are in good hands.”

Javi nods along with your words, finding your tone and sentiments calming to him, the warm flush of embarrassment across his body beginning to fade away.

“I’m not one of those helicopter parents,” he laughs, “but I worry about them, it’s just me and I’m scared to be away from them.”

Javi doesn’t miss the way your face falls after his small joke, taking in the real information in his statement. You nod gently squeeze his arm before pulling your hand away. “I understand Mr. Peña, I know how hard this is for you. I promise you that i’ll take care of your girls, and if anything happens or if they miss you too much, i’ll give you a call and you can come right back.”

Javi feels like he could cry. What did he do to deserve such a nice teacher.

“Is that okay Mr. Peña?” you ask, your head tilting to the side as a few more students and parents trickle into the classroom.

“Javi, you can call me Javi,” he says, watching as your smile returns.

“Okay Javi, I look forwards to getting to know you better. I’ll see you this afternoon for pick up.” you smile, giving him a nod before walking away to welcome your new students.

Javi watches with a smile as you walk over to the tables where his girls are and bend down to introduce yourself and he hears the way you compliment their braids, to which Lillie points his way and says “daddy did these braids!” Looking up at Javi, you give him a big smile before turning back to the girls and continuing conversation with their desk mates, the butterflies in Javi’s stomach multiplying by the second.

God he was so screwed.

taglist: @salome-c @marydjarin @jasterslegacy @hnt-escape @vonschweetz @darnitdraco @theorganasolo @dinoflower @pedro4ever @rebel-fanfare

[sleeping-lilies]

robin era jason, dick, and babs headcanons because there’s too much comedic potential to ignore

- dick and babs were the ultimate gossip buddies. whenever dick was with the titans for long periods of time, babs always filled him in on everything

babs: dick you’ll never believe what hal said to bruce last night, i even have videos. dick, the look on his face please—

dick, immediately locking doors so his teammates don’t hear the mad shit about to be dropped on main: tell me everything

- vice versa too, dick filled babs in on everything going on with the titans and all they can say is thank god those lines are bat secured with no villains being able to listen in, imagine deathstroke hearing through bat gossip that joey’s dating who?!?! 😳

- batkids have been and always will be the holder of superhero gossip. it’s a business, you see, but we’re getting off topic 😡

- lmfao anyways this is literally how dick finds out about jason

babs: anyways, jason—

dick: who the fuck is jason

babs: ....

dick: barbara?!?!

babs: ok promise you won’t freak out

- babs and dick’s first reaction upon meeting jason being “why is he so small i wasnt that small” “dick you were literally nine when you were robin—“ “he’s tiny” it’s like those two share the same braincell

- i’m making it so that dick gave jason his number earlier because i feel like it 😡😡😡 (not that it changes much other than the fact that i want more gossip dropped in dm’s)

- when dick gave jason his number, he went to babs like “give me jason’s number” “didn’t you literally just give him your’s?” “ya but i’m gonna make sure he texts me” “ya ok that’s fair”

- whenever jason didn’t want to be in the manor (fight with bruce, boredom, etc) he went to wherever the fuck babs lived and they would facetime dick and talk mad shit. it was a thing.

- despite them all being able to drive, babs was the only one during this time with an actual, legitimate, legal license (jason was too young to have a license and dick is too lazy/busy/whatever-excuse-he-wants-to-use to take the permit and driving test) so babs drove them around everywhere and it was a mess™ consisting of a bunch of backseat drivers

- “dick omg look at this video i found from the batcave” “omg he said robin gives him magic” “robin gives him magic” they both cry about it for years to come

- babs sometimes kidnapped jason after school after telling the head of wayne manor (alfred) and took him to get ice cream, then to the library while she worked. jason was the greatest kid in the library, he even had his own throne special chair just for him whenever he came provided by library staff who adored this absolute angel.

- jason 🤝 babs 🤝 dick -> i believe in annoying yet endearing nicknames supremacy

- nicknames include (some used by some more than others or just one, or by both equally because they’re annoying pick and choose my good people)

little wing (iconic, we all know this one fellas and who uses it)

red (used for babs, absolutely fantastic, but in the future it gets confusing because some people with their goddamn hero names 😡)

boy wonder (classic, babs calls them both that)

barbie (for babs, jason uses this one and he’s the only one able to get away with it)

dickie (jason just really gets away with everything huh)

dickhead (jason’s lucky he’s cute)

baba black sheep (jeez i’m on a roll with babs’ nicknames she’s so nickname-able and that’s very cool and sexy of her)

jay z

jay allen

jay jay jay (shut up, dickhead—)

big bird

and a bunch more i’m too tired to look for them in canon or make new ones up, but you get the idea

- dick can totally bake, and babs and jason keep bugging him when he’s baking and add more chocolate chips while pretending to not notice that he can see them 😡😡😡

- headcanon that jason had hero worship for babs and dick because they’re so cool in and out of costume and it never really went away when he got older listen his older brother and pseudo sister are so cool and that’s not his fault but he’ll never admit it

- barbie movie marathons because barbie is an iconic legend and they all recognize it. they have the fucking “she’s the queen of the WA-A-A-AVES” song memorized along with all other barbie movie songs, they sing it on patrol.

- dick and jason’s sibling dynamic was and is basically “ur a little shit and i hate you but i will literally kill for you”

- dick had tension with bruce while jason was just a little shit who would totally cause drama for the sake of it, and people never take advantage of this absolute power duo for destroying bruce

- dick sending cryptid texts to jason through a burner phone because he’s dramatic jason totally knew it was him about things that drive bruce mad, like leaving the shower turned to the coldest setting before bruce got there, leaving the lights in the batcave on, etc. jason, a wise little child, totally took advantage of this. bruce came to accept his fate

- the gc names, guys the group chat names

- jason crashing into titans tower whenever he wants and dick doesn’t bat (hAH) an eye, occasionally he very sweetly asks babs to come with him and she agrees but only sometimes because some people have jobs, jason—wait dick is being flirted with by who?!?! i’ll leave it up to your imagination ;) and they totally crashed titans missions too

- one time bruce was busy with the league while alfred was on vacation and bruce absolutely could not dip (i’m imagining bruce getting a call from the headmaster during an honest to god fight and bruce just picking up while punching the daylights out of some asshole) (“mr wayne, what is that noise in the background?” “sorry, headmaster, the cat is having a seizure”), so when jason got into a “fight” (read: some jackass picking on jason before he snapped and yelled at him and the bitchass kid tried to punch him and jason’s no quitter) bruce called dick who was an adult and legally family (yes dick is adopted sometime after jason was, stay mad) like “son... son please” and dick was like “oh no need to plead with me, this is too good” but of course this bitchass doesn’t have an actual lisence yet and he was hanging out with babs anyways so he and babs rolled up to gotham academy and the kids stared at them like “holy shit they’re so cool” ya dick and babs are those power couple, whether romantic or not, that turn heads, they’re just that powerful strolled into the office, bailed jason out while intimidating the headmaster because the altercation was the result of school staff negligence of actual bullying like those cliche tropes, said “ayyy you got that brat good” and get him chili dogs or whatever the fandom made robin jason’s favorite food. omg i just made an entire fanfic in rough draft form someone please steal it and write it in full form and send me the link

- jason is very very tiny, you see. babs and dick pick him up and move him for any reason, whether because they want to sit on that chair or to just throw him out of harm’s way and take the bullet for themselves.

- jason and dick both get adorable blushes on their faces it’s genetic yes that’s how genetics work shut up meanwhile babs’ ears turn red when she’s embarrassed and all three of them clown each other for it

- i yelled about this to my mutual (cough cough @littlespaceboii) who also added to this absolute dogshit headcanon and then in the discord full of mutuals, but the basement of wayne manor is haunted. dick found it when he was a little gremlin (i stand by that dick was the original demon child) (“you see damian, before there was you there was me” the real reason he was good with damian lmfao) and was like “omg this is so cool” @littlespaceboii came up with that it was just alfred fucking with bruce and so when jason first came and dick was comfy around him he was like “so have you been in the basement” and jason was like “im literally robin i’ve been in the batcave?!?!” and dick goes “no the basement, the haunted one” and jason’s like “hAUNTED?!?!” cuz jason has at least some self preservations and knows not to fuck with the spookies until he too became a spooky and bruce was like “there’s no ghost it’s not haunted” because he’s a skeptic and a party pooper and babs is like “no go on let him finish” even though she knows full well there are no ghosts or does she? and uhhhh basically they becomes ghostbusters 2.0 but cooler and funnier

- this trio is basically baby pan/bisexual jason and two resident expert pan/bisexuals solidarity but that’s literally canon. they go to pride every year that jason’s alive what who said that?

- they all tease each other for their crushes like all siblings/family friends do, i don’t need to say it but it’s important that’s emphasized for my well being

- yelled about this in the discord to the mutuals who added onto this absolute train wreck too, but jason used to play baseball during his robin days, and dick never showed up to those games with being busy as an excuse, but babs always showed up with bruce and alfred and took pictures for dick so dick could be like “mlb players are jobless now that little wing is on the scene” babs (and sometimes bruce) always shouted loudest for jason whether he was in the field or in the dugout and jason would get this extremely adorable blush on his face (jason finds out in the future why dick never showed up (cough cough ptsd from two face’s massive baseball bat which led to everything that came after including being fired and veangance academy and nearly killing two face and omg that’s a ride) and is like oh my god my childhood is even more ruined—)

- remember when i said dick got adopted after jason did in this new absolutely fabulous canon i just created? bruce did that because “ahhh fuck that’s my kid and i want him to know i love him through every means possible since i have the ability to do so” i believe in good dad bruce supremacy and made a whole thing where he invited dick to dinner for like a week to work up the courage and bonding to ask him and show him the adoption papers and then everyone cried :) bruce decided to finally adopt dick after jason referred to dick as his brother and bruce was like “...oh” and alfred was like 👀

- dick, as the first child hero and one of the first heroes period like at least a year or two before babs, holds the “back in my day” card over literally everyone in the hero community in general and pulls it out to annoy babs and jason even tho babs literally joined the scene only a year or two after dick

jason, shaking in his panties: it’s so fucking cold

dick, standing strong in his tits out outfit, who had to wear the panties on his own decision: oh, you’re cold? back in my day—

babs, throwing her boot at his face: god shut the fuck up—

and then dick doesn’t give back her boot and it becomes a whole thing with lots of tackling and play fighting and someone nearly gets thrown off they rooftop for funsies but anyways

also on a side note, babs would take off her cape and wrap it around jason whenever she noticed his discomfort with the weather, or use the weather as an excuse whenever she saw him uneasy for whatever reason and they never mention it to each other

- yelled about this in the discord to the mutuals at some point too holy shit i have friends, but those three are team rocket. they went out as team rocket for halloween one year after bullying bruce to let jason out only jason because he can’t tell dick and babs what to do and jason is under his care and when they do convince him, dick and babs bully jason into being meowth. manifesting jason in a meowth onesie ARTISTS PLEASE—

- dick finally took his license seriously and took his driver’s test after babs became paralyzed.

- those were a rough few months for those three. and then another rough few months for those two

- yikes, sorry to throw angst at you (sorry (unfeeling)) anyways, in the future alfred finds those old photos and shows the rest of the fam, so dick and babs bully jason, 6’2 jason that towers way above both of them, and once again bullies him into being meowth “for tradition, little wing!” “shut up, dickhead” the rest of the batkids lose their shit over this, naturally. bruce and alfred stand in the back teary eyed reminiscing the old days when things were a little more simple.

- discowing walked so terrifying handsome squidward red hood helmet could run (even tho the ugly helmet tripped and fell and missed the mark because discowing wasn’t ugly and will always remain superior, i feel i have committed a terrible crime comparing the two)

dick: jason what the fuck is that

jason: it’s fashion

dick: it’s terrifying

jason: i’m only following in my older brother’s footsteps 😔

dick: listen here, you little shit strangles him haha just kidding that illegal wait theyre vigilantes they don’t follow the law—

- these three and cass refer to the rest of the batkids as “the kids” (if she’s older than jason, sometimes she is and sometimes she isn’t and i’m really confused but whatever)

- babs and dick’s relationship with jason pre death literally shaped how jason treats his siblings post pit madness like he literally goes “what would red and big bird do?!??” when he needs to go into big brother mode over the “little ones” (“little” because tim and steph are adults and duke is nearly an adult himself oh my god he’ll graduate from high school soon and jason never got to do that himself he’s totally going to the ceremony legally dead or not) 🥺

- holy trinity continue hanging out with each other, whether lunch or games or whatever, and just enjoy each other’s company after long, rough years

[wagner-fell]

I am still very new to this website and I don’t know how link a post but this fic is based on a post by @sandersgrey

(If someone reading this knows how to link a post please either explain it to me or link it in the comments because that post is *amazing*)

“Hmmm,” said Tessa, depositing Mina into Kit’s waiting arms and examining her buzzing phone critically. She shot a quizzical look in his direction.

Jem looked up from his novel. “What is ‘hmmm’, my love?”

Kit mimed vomiting but stopped dead in his tracks when she replied, “it’s Astrid’s mother. You remember her from parent teacher night, don’t you, my darling?” Kit swears they were being extra insufferable just to mess with him but he didn’t have the time to be annoyed when Astrid’s. Mom. Was. Calling. Tessa.

To understand why Kit was panicking as much as he was, you must know that Astrid’s mom was incredibly chill. She never got mad. The worst punishment she’d ever given her daughter was taking away her iPod for a week so she couldn’t listen to Mitski.

Was she calling about last night when Astrid, Mari and Kit threw eggs at the Shadowhunter’s that were giving Mari’s pack a hard time for no reason? No, that couldn’t be it. She’d given them the eggs.

Could the call be about the day before yesterday when Kit and Astrid got distracted doing homework and ended up snapping the coffee table clean in half while battling gladiator style with pool noodles? No, that wasn’t it. She’d just handed Astrid a twenty and told them to go to Kevin’s parents' shop and get a new one. Was she pissed because they ended up spending the money on ice cream instead? No, they ended up finding a table for free in the rubbing bin outside a fancy hotel.

Kit clutched his sister to his chest and prepared for the worst.

“Seo-yoon! What can I do for- Oh, hello Astrid!” Tessa paused briefly, presumably to listen to Astrid speak, and Kit sighed in relief.

“Kit is occupied at the moment but I can relay the message.” Another pause. “Oh don’t be frightened of me. I’m a tots rad mom. Your secret is safe with me.” Kit felt his face flush red as he heard his best friend’s laughter echo across the living room. “Okay! I’ll let him know. He has to get Mina to sleep before he can leave though. Lord knows he’s the only one who can these days.” Tessa chuckled at something Astrid said before wishing her good luck in her endeavour and ending the call.

She turned her attention back to Kit. “Astrid needs your help breaking into your teacher’s home to retrieve her cell phone.”

Kit blinked at her, dumbfounded. “You aren’t mad I’m going to go break the law?”

Because of course he was doing it. Astrid’s dad had bought it for her and he was extremely cautious about money. That was one of three things Kit knew about her dad. He was cheap, he lived in America and he loved the movie Fight Club.

Tessa ruffled Kit’s hair affectionately. “Please. I’ve raised two other Herondales. At least I know about this particular adventure beforehand.”

Mina began snoring softly and Kit handed her back to her mother. He grabbed his bag and started his journey to the door when Tessa added, “she also told me to say hi to a ‘daddy Kit’. Are you ‘daddy Kit?’”

‘Daddy Kit’ closed his eyes and wished for the sweet release of death.

“Why is Kit a daddy,” Jem asked, genuinely confused. “Aren’t I the daddy?”

Kit swung the door open so fast not even a speed rune could have aided him. But not before I heard Tessa reply, “Lily Chen certainly thinks so.”

Mrs. MacNamara clapped her hands together. “Why don’t we all go around and say a few things about ourselves?”

Kit buried his face into his hands. He’d been relieved when no other teacher had fulfilled the Disney channel stereotype of making every student introduce themselves to the new kid. But Mrs. MacNamara didn’t even seem to realize what she was doing.

All Kit’s fellow classmates groan. Expect one. Her hand shot up immediately. She was short, like smaller than Clary short. She wore a baggy pink shirt with the words ‘Queen Glimmer of Etheria’ sewed on with purple sequins and tight black jeans. Her colourful, choppy hair was in a low ponytail and she flew a few strands out of her eyes as her hand wiggled in the hair.

Mrs. MacNamara pointed at her. She stood up and smiled at Kit. “Hi. My name is Astrid. My hobbies include making my little cousin’s girl Barbies kiss, as it should be, and watching television shows where everyone is a terrible person so you can love all of them!”

“And what shows might that be?” asked Kit, already in the process of pulling out his phone and opening the Notes app.

“Grey’s Anatomy, Glee, Grey’s Anatomy again because it’s seventeen seasons as of right now. And to be fair it practically became a different show when they killed off Mark Sloan.”

“That’s enough, Miss Yang,” said Mrs. MacNamara. Astrid sat down and winked at Kit. Then she took out her phone and airdropped him a complete list of all her favorite shows, along with her number.

After Blessica’s pre-birthday birthday party, they went to Cirenworth and stayed up till four A.M. binging them.

They met outside a queer dry bar called Aries Not Welcome, the unspoken gathering place of the Merry Hoes. It was run by a poly lesbian couple in their mid-thirties. Quinn, Sydney and Aliyah may not have served alcohol but at least they were open 24/7.

“Did you bring the shit?”

Kit gave her a look. “The shit? How conclusive.”

“Shut up. You know, the shadowhunter thing.”

“The shadowhunter thing?”

“The, the, the glow stick that you draw with.”

“The glow stick that I draw wi-“ Kit closed his eyes briefly. “Do you mean a stele?”

Astrid snapped her fingers. “That’s it!” Kit shook his head in exasperation, smiling fondly. “I borrowed a torch from Quinn, let’s move.”

“Should I be worried that you know where Mr. Smith lives?” questioned Kit as he followed Astrid’s lead through the park.

“Should I be worried that your mom was fine with us breaking and entering?” she shot back playfully. Kit pushed Astrid and she fell off the path, laughing all the way.

“You called me ‘daddy’ to my mom’s face.”

She just laughed harder, slinging her arm around Kit’s shoulder. “It was over the phone, Christopher. And as I should.”

“Pffffttt. Why did you get your phone taken anyway?” She put her hands into her jumper pocket and looked at the ground. “Astrid.” She remained silent. “Astrid?”

She mumbled something under her breath. “What?” asked Kit.

“I WAS READING NINEJ FANFICTION!” she shouted.

Kit gasped. “I thought you were a die hard Kanej shipper,” he whispered.

“I’m a multishipper, okay?!” she replied, equally quiet.

“Does Blessica know?”

She shook her head. “And she will never find out.”

Kit saw the opportunity and he seized it. “She’ll never find out as long as you never call me daddy in front of either of my parents.”

She removed her arm from his shoulder and guided them out of the park, in the direction of the many apartments that lined this side of town. “I hate you.”

“Well, so does Mari. You're not special, Ast.”

She rolled her eyes. “You know Mari doesn’t actually hate you, right?! They’re just still in the enemy phase of your enemies-to-lovers romance. She only dislikes you because they feel something for you but they don’t know what so she interrupts it as loathing. In reality, her inner soul knows you’re hot and shmexie.”

Kit didn’t know how to process this so he just nodded and follow Astrid in silence to Mr. Smith’s house. (Plus, he was kinda glad that, according to his best friend, he had a little more time for Mari to ‘discover their true feelings’. If Kit screwed this up, he was out of countries to run off to.)

“Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me.”

“What,” asked Kit, turning around to face Astrid and closing the drawer he was rifling through. “Did you find your phone?”

“Yeah. But I also found Blessica’s. She was Snapping Kevin. Platonic my ass. But he took the fucking trans flag out of her phone!”

Kit snatched Blessica’s phone out of her hand to examine it for herself. She was telling the truth. Where the glitter pride flag usually rested was just a clear purple case. Kit couldn’t believe his eyes.

“It’s one thing to misgender her every day.” Blessica had forced all four of the other Merry Hoes to sign a contract saying they wouldn’t do anything to harm him because of it. “But this is the last straw. You know what we have to do.” Oops.

“Yeah, but we don’t have any spray paint.”

Kit eyed Mr. Smith’s pink sofa, blue bar stool covers and white picture frames. “I think I have something better in mind.”

It would have been easier for both parties to just zip off the sofa cushions and tape them to the wall but by ripping them off in strips, they ensured he would have to buy new ones. And judging by the car he drove and the fiji water in his fridge, Mr. Smith could definitely afford it.

That reminded him, “I’ll finish up with this. Go put all his fiji water into my bag.” Astrid saluted him and ran off. “Wait.” She stopped and looked at him. “Steal all the remotes you can find.”

“How is he not awake?,” asked Astrid as they ripped the fabric of his seating from the stool.

He shrugged. “Don’t question it.” He shoved the bundle of cloth into her arms. “Glue this above the pink. I’ll handle the frames.”

“Say the magic word,” she sang.

“Please?”

“No. Lesbian. Come on, I thought you knew me better than that.”

Kit laughed quietly. “Can you lesbian glue this above the pink?”

She grinned at Kit. “It would be my pleasure.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hello! Sorry I haven’t written anything in so long. School just restarted and it has been…a lot.

@adoravel-fenomeno @thechangeling @the-blackdale @the-wckd-powers @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @im-not-ruined-im-ruination @ithurielkeepsgettingkidnapped @noah-herondale-lightwood @arangiajoan @shelvesofgold @maxboythedog @book-dragon-not-worm @hardlymatters

Very sorry if I forgot anyone. Lmk if you want to be addEd/removEd from the tag list.

[holylulusworld]

I still cry

Summary: A break-up sometimes leads to worse things than heartbreak.

Pairing: former Dean x Reader; Dean x Lisa

Characters: Bobby Singer, OFC Judith, Sam Winchester

Warnings: angst, heartbreak, a break-up, abandonment, low self-esteem, tears, mentions of demons, a little Lisa hate (sorry), no happy ending, sorry, not sorry

A/N: Written for @katehuntington​​​‘s 1K Celebration (Congratulations!). My song was ‘I still cry’ by Ilse DeLange. I used the song for inspiration and some of the lyrics (in Italics). The song originally is for a passed loves-one, but I decided to use it to describe the heartbreak and pain the reader feels after she got left behind.

A/N2: For my story, Sam came back with an intact soul.

Three months after he left, … 

“How was your weekend, Y/N?” your colleague asks, watching you fold another paper flower for the upcoming school festival. 

You like to keep your hands busy to stop thinking about the love you lost. All the flowers you tried to grow in the backyard died. It’s like no one wants to stay with or stay alive around you.

“Fine,” you reply, eyes dropping to your phone once again. Since he left the night Sam jumped into the pit you always hoped Dean will answer one of your calls or at least send you a message, explaining why you weren’t enough. “I tried to renovate my bedroom.”

“That’s nice,” you hate the pity in your much younger colleague’s eyes. It’s the same look people give you any time their eyes land on you – or at least you think they can see the heartbreak you went through over the last months. “If you need help, just tell us so, Y/N. You are new to the team, but we like you.”

“I will think about it, Judith. Thank you,” how you hate that you sound like a broken record. 

I’m fine. No, I don’t need your help. Please don’t ask about Dean. Hunting is over for me. Just don’t ask…

I still cry sometimes when I remember you

I still cry sometimes when I hear your name

I said goodbye and I know you're alright now

But when the leaves start falling down I still cry

Six months after he left, … 

“Kiddo, I’ve missed you,” Bobby chuckles, standing in front of your door. “Did you think you can just push me away and an old geezer like me gives up that easily?”

You huff but for a moment, you smile. “I’ve missed you too, Bobby,” you throw yourself into your friends’ arms. Ashamed you didn’t call him back you sniff silently. “I’m sorry, I just needed some time to figure things out.”

“So, you’re out of business?” watching you shake your head Bobby sighs deeply. He wishes you would’ve stayed out of the hunting business and find happiness and a nice man staying by your side. “I thought you wanted out.”

“I was – for a while at least,” choking out the words you grasp Bobby’s hand to lead him into your house. “Problem is that the monsters and demons didn’t get the memo. One day I prepare a school festival and the next I find myself surrounded by demons. I had no choice but to leave.”

“I’m sorry, kiddo,” Bobby takes the beer you offer, grumbling as he would’ve like to see you fall in love and become a mother one day. “Did he call?”

“Please don’t ask,” you plea, not meeting Bobby’s gaze. You’re too ashamed you still hope Dean will return to you. Even though, you know better. 

“Y/N,” Bobby sighs deeply, eyes sadden at the mere sight of you. Thinner than usual, eyes missing the light you sit in front of your godfather. “I shouldn’t have asked, kiddo.”

“I don’t want to sound pathetic but talking about him makes things worse. I had hoped he would explain why,” sitting on the worn-out couch in your living room you slump into yourself. “I guess that I never was enough. You know, she’s a pretty thing, has a house, a son, and a normal life to offer. And I heard yoga-instructors are bendable.”

“Did you see her – them?” you nod, eyes not meeting Bobby’s. “Oh, Y/N,” my friend, the father I never had sniffs. “Why didn’t you tell him not to go? I know you wanted Dean to have a normal life but hurting yourself shouldn’t be part of the deal.”

“I knew only one of us will make it out alive, Bobby,” you give your friend a sad smile, shrugging when he gets up to look out of the window. “I wanted Dean to be happy. If he’s happy with someone else, I’m happy for him.”

“Your selflessness borders on stupidity!” Bobby grunts. “That boy should be here, with you Y/N. Lisa seems to be a nice girl, but she’s not you.”

“EXACTLY, Bobby,” jumping up you try to explain to Bobby why you knew Dean would leave you sooner or later. “I knew Dean will leave me, Bobby. I wanted to keep a tiny piece of dignity. In the end, he would’ve kept his promise to Sam and get out of this life, but not with me by his side.”

“How’d you know, kiddo? Maybe Dean would’ve stayed by your side and you could be happy,” your friend cries. “Jesus, I can’t believe you broke your own heart.”

“I did it to protect myself, Bobby. I heard Dean call her, okay,” sniffing you join Bobby to look out of the window. “The night after Sam jumped into the pit, Dean called Lisa asking if he can come around.”

“OH,” eyes squinting toward the old car in your ramp Bobby tries to figure out how to help you. “What happened that night? Dean refused to answer my calls so…”

“It’s a blur, Bobby,” you close your eyes, try to recall the night Dean left but all you remember are the tears running down your face when you ran after his car. The rain washing your tears away – but not the pain.

It's just that I recall September

It's just that I still hear your song

It's just I can't seem to remember

Forever more those days are gone

“Dean didn’t fight for me, that’s what happened. I told him that I heard every word and he just stood there, his keys in his hand. I saw a hint of guilt in his eyes, but this wasn’t enough to stay with me,” blinking the tears away you clutch your hand to your chest. “I told Dean to go and live the life Sam wanted him to live.”

“And he did? Just like that?” nodding you turn your back toward the window, closing your eyes for a moment. “Not even a call for almost six months?”

“No call. No message. No number he sent me in case of emergency,” it’s a matter-of-fact Dean cut you out of his life. “You know, sometimes it feels normal that he’s not with me anymore and other days, I only need to remember his name and break down, crying like a stupid baby.”

“Heartbreak is never easy, kiddo.”

“Never said so, Bobby. Honestly, it feels worse than heartbreak. I know he’s out there, living his best life but to me, it feels like he died. I guess, my heart tries to cope with the loss this way. It tells me he’s gone, even though, Dean is with her.”

“Do you like to live here?” Bobby clears his throat, wrapping one arm around your shoulders. “You can always come with me, leave this shitty town behind and be my eyes and ears. Y/N, I don’t want you to be gone one day too. I’m too old to lose my kids.”

“I could come with you,” being alone with a broken heart and your self-doubts won’t do any good. “I don’t have much to pack.”

“I got a nice guest room, kiddo. If Dean doesn’t care about you, I do,” the bitterness behind Bobby’s words brings you to tears. “I thought I know the boy better…”

I still cry sometimes when I remember you

I still cry sometimes when I hear your name

I said goodbye and I know you're alright now

But when the leaves start falling down I still cry

Almost six months later, …

It’s half a year later that Sam, Dean, and Lisa step into Bobby’s house, bringing fresh tears and more heartbreak to you.

“Sammy,” the only person you greet is Sam, your best friend who magically got resurrected. “I didn’t want to believe the rumors.”

“Same,” arms wrapped tightly around you Sam watches his brother look at you. Dean tried to make you talk to him for half a day, but you just walked away, refusing to even face the man breaking your heart so easily. “I thought he would stay with you.”

“No, Sammy. Why would a man stay with someone like me if he can have yoga barbie?” you whisper, not wanting Lisa to hear. “He deserves someone who got no clue where he’s coming from and all the shit happening in his life.”

“Still-“ Bobby is the one breaking the awkward moment.

“We got a job to do, kiddo. If you want to, you can sit this one out,” nodding you look up at Sam, giving him a sad smile. 

“I will help Rufus meanwhile. You can call me when he’s gone back to his apple pie life, Bobby,” patting Sam’s chest you give your friend a soft smile. “And you’ll have a lot to explain, Mr. Winchester. I hope you will stick around so we can catch up with our shitty lives.”

You are gone before Dean gets the chance to say a word to you. He walks out of Bobby’s house to watch you drive away.

His eyes fill with tears and even when your car is long gone, leaving a cloud of dust behind, he stands outside, wondering how his life would’ve been with you by his side…

I still cry sometimes when I remember you

I still cry sometimes when I hear your name

I said goodbye and I know you're alright now

But when the leaves start falling down I still cry

But when the leaves start falling down I still cry

>> Part 2

Tags in reblog.

[junicai]

Relationship with WAYV

➣ KUN ☾ karia

if it wasn’t for dotae potentially coming to kill him, he would steal aria into wayv

he’s the cool dad? 

they can’t spend a lot of time together because none of their schedules match up, but aria takes every third or so weekend out to come have dinner in the wayv dorms

she’s surprisingly close to the china line, and its a combination of ten dragging her to his dorm for an entire month and them just kinda adopting her when they realized she was a foreigner as well 

yuta can fight them, she’s one of them now

he doesn’t like to baby her a lot, and she really appreciates the break from being the “maknae” so to speak 

however does that stop him from giving her the forehead kithes? no

aria sad? forehead kith

aria mad? forehead kith

aria smad? forehead kith + kuddles (kun cuddles)

he has sent her a passive agressive text when he found out that she wasn’t eating enough again and had almost passed out

but he finished it with a heart so its ok

if she isn’t smiling at all times, someone will die

aria feels like she can trust him with a lot; that no matter what she tells him, he’ll never out her or make fun of her

kun actually took a two-week online course to learn how to make traditional japanese dishes when aria mentioned missing her parents

he originally was going to learn how to make irish dishes, but he changed his mind after seeing what they were

“im not giving my kids boiled cabbage and mashed potatoes what kind of post world war-”

wants to give her a chinese name but hasn’t yet because he hasn’t found the one that fits her right and he wants it to be perfect 

aria teaches him japanese phrases in exchange for him teaching her a little bit of mandarin

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

aria saw kun’s back as she entered the practice room, the man standing with three other members in the centre of the floor before the choreographer came in to start their practice. coming up behind him, she wrapped her arms around his waist, peeking her head around from where she was. “hi!” she smiled brightly.

“hi,” ten chuckled, showing her the camera that had just filmed all of that. 

➣ TEN ☾ tenaria

Whipped(TM)

so so gone for her its upsetting actually

yangyang and aria share the position of his baby 

except aria willingly accepts the title while yangyang would rather fling himself from a rooftop

ten’s instagram is half his cats, half miyazu aria

he posts her dancing practice on his story a lot, with a variety of captions ranging from “thats my baby  ♡( ◡‿◡ )” to “yah that’s not right...(눈_눈)”

such an enabler for her bad ideas 

aria wants to go shopping at 4am? ten agrees, now they’re sitting by han river eating ice cream

pls he’s gonna get her in so much trouble one day

when they walk together, ten likes to take her hand and put it in his pocket 

its under the pretense of not wanting her to get lost 

he just wants to hold her hand

yes he has lost her in a shopping mall, and NO it wasn’t his fault

ten always complains that they never have schedules together and he misses his baby 

“we have superm-” “I NEVER SEE YOUUUU (ﾉಥ益ಥ)ﾉ”

if they’re in the same room ten is either watching her out of the corner of his eye, or is actually wrapped around her like a boa constrictor 

hugs n kithes all around

only he is allowed make fun of her mistakes in dancing 

anyone else gets deaded. he will fight for her honor how dare you insult his baby 

sm give these ttwo a dancing duo video pls 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

the first and only time aria and ten had a duet was during their last concert on superm’s first world tour. during the second half of ten’s solo performance, aria emerged from the left side of the stage, coming to join him in the centre stage. no one had ever seen aria as serious as she was then, both herself and ten becoming completely different people in the moment. midway through, aria spun with her back to ten and leaped backwards into the air - eyes closed - completely trusting ten to be where she needed him to be to catch her. 

➣ WINWIN ☾ winria

a love hate relationship at its finest

they don’t actually hate each other it’s just really funny to pretend that they do (especially because yuta complains that 2 of his favourite people aren’t getting along)

winwin is so savage towards aria but it’s ok she claps back twice as hard

at first, before czennies had seen enough of their dynamic they thought that they actually did hate each other

but that’s not true they just don’t know how to express, affection, without brutally insulting the other with a loving tone

they are, surprisingly, the most stable pairing in 127 - they have a dynamic and rarely stray from that, which is a good comfort for the fans

despite what they might say to each other, they don’t mean any of it - and winwin has been seen several times raising his eyebrows with a questioning look at aria to make sure she wasn’t taking any of his playful jabs to heart

oh god the flexibility

the entirety of nct is terrified of them

the day sm gives them a circus act is the day that kun and taeyong have a heart attack

quietly supportive of each other - catch aria “playing” with a water bottle and not getting up to get it when it conveniently rolls across the floor and into winwin’s leg

he makes sure to save some new chinese sweets whenever the wayv members get packages from their familes, and sneak it into aria’s room before the managers can catch her breaking her diet

not really physically affectionate with each other, which played into czennies idea that they didn’t like each other but aria cleared it up in a vlive

“winwinnie and I, well. we don’t hug a lot because i know he doesn’t like it as much as i might, so i try to show him i care with other things :)”

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

winwin and aria going in to each other on knowing brothers, to the point where the mc’s had their eyes popping out of their head and waved about to stop the segment before aria could start attacking winwin’s cooking methods-

nothing is off limits when it comes to them

➣ LUCAS ☾ arihei

besties 

please they’re so cute together - tol child next to tini child she barely comes up to his chest :(

bear hugs

he just swamps her in his arms, and when he doesn’t feel like being bent over he picks her up 

complains that she’s too heavy but then immediately after will throw her around like a softball 

someone tell this man to be careful with her she’s not a barbie doll 

singular braincell energy

don’t get it wrong, they’re both super smart 

so it’s just - being smort together, but then nearly dying because neither of them remembered that you couldn’t eat raw cookie dough when there are eggs in it

she adores how he’s so confident in the things that he does - like convincing the entire nct fandom that he was fluent in english? king behaviour

so aria looks up to him (literally) but also because she wants to have that confidence some day 

lucas says they’re not close and then aria pouts and he takes it all back

nczennies made a 14 minute compilation titled “lucas melting like a popsicle in australia for aria” 

and literally what the title tells you, this man goes :(( when he sees her 

lucas was actually the person to convince her to go ahead with the [redacted] proposal - and reminded her that it was too good an opportunity to pass up just because she felt like she was outgrowing the boys

he’s so proud of her

and she’s so proud of him 

they’re so proud of each other and it makes nczennies want to cry because they never are seen together 

sm stop separating the platonic soulmates first markhyuck and now arihei smh

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

during a photoshoot, aria was standing off to the side of the boys, dressed in white suit to contrast the boys’ black ones. the photographer was calling out to her to get her to move closer, but she couldn’t hear him from so far away, and so lucas (who was on the end) just walked over to her, gripped her by the biceps and lifted her vertically and to the left a little bit. 

“luc-LUCAS?”

“you had to move :)”

➣ XIAOJUN ☾ arijun

honestly these two aren’t super close, just because their schedules never matched up until the NCT 2020 promotions

even when aria was dragged to the wayv dorms, xiaojun kept his distance from her because he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable 

even so, when they were filming Make A Wish together, they seemed comfortable enough around each other

there was a mutual agreement to not try fill the silence with awkward small talk, so they sat in silence when left alone together

they’re both shy :( someone needs to get them to talk to each other :(

even so, aria was all supportive smiles and thumbs-up when she saw him getting nervous before their first public stage as the unit 

he was a little intimidated of her at first, but also really curious about how she was holding her own against the other members

not only physically, but her vibes are tiny let the man be concerned ok

his first impression of aria was just: small quiet? she was sitting apart from the other boys in the practice room, and he almost wanted to go over and ask her if she was ok; before she was approached by donghyuck and her face broke into a bright smile 

aria’s first impression of xiaojun was: eyebrows he was really handsome? at first, she thought he was in the wrong room, seeing as the SM modeling auditions were happening in the next room down

any arijun shippers are starved of content im so sorry guys 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

currently still up for debate between the fandom :(

➣ HENDERY ☾ aridery

ah these two 

you might as well sign a waiver if you decide to do anything with them, because they can and will get you killed 

kun can testify

ten’s the enabler but hendery is the do-er

super giggly around each other, for no reason at all

hendery could pick up and throw a basketball and suddenly aria’s on the floor in literal stitches 

have a secret code 

no seriously

they don’t text in words, they just send various reaction memes and a colourful variety of emojis to convey emotions and scenarios 

it’s become quite a beautiful language actually 

got some nice proverbs in there

they’re like, cousins but the ones you only see at family reunions but get so hype to see them

that energy 

asides from the chaotic, murderous vibes they possess as a duo

hendery knows what it’s like to miss home, to miss your parents, etc etc

and so he tries to make aria feel as home as possible - especially with wayv, because they’re all foreigners who know how she feels 

whenever he gets packages from his parents who have sent things over, he always makes sure to keep some of the small treats/sweets back for aria

1. because he knows she’ll appreciate the thought and she gives good hugs

2. because he knows she’s on a diet constantly and never allowed eat these things when she’s in the dorms with managers around 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

filming the Resonance “Wish” event, aria was put in a skimpy minimalistic mock-suit to differentiate from the others’ clothes. unfortunately, that left aria with a little too much shoulder and chest on display than she would like, and she was noticeably uncomfortable with her clothes, constantly pulling it up and even going so far as to just hold it with her hands. 

hendery saw this, and knew he was finished filming his segment for the time being, so he pulled off his own jacket and tossed it over to aria, who caught it with a grateful smile. “thank you,” she mouthed to him, tugging the dark blue material over her shoulders.

➣ YANGYANG ☾ ariyang

aria. has 9 days of age on this boy and will never let him forget it

“respect your elders you brat” “9. DAYS.”

european pals 

they feel so cultured when they get asked about europe, and then are kindly reminded by hendery that A. Germany started 2 world wars, and B. Ireland was just a British colony until 100 years ago. 

they both hit him for that

aria teaching him curse words in irish and yangyang teaching her curse words in german? more likely than you’d think 

they met before yangyang’s debut was announced, in a practice room that had let them accidentally overlap their practice times 

instead of working it out between them, they actually just started to alternate their songs - and the other gave them some good, constructive criticism 

most of the time

when they found out they were going to be in 90s Love together, they were so happy 

it was going to be their first official schedule together

all the behind-the-scenes videos are just aria and yangyang being children and then ten coming over and cooing at them 

they love ten, but they will trash talk the man behind his back 

yangyang confessed to her that he sometimes feels nervous when speaking korean, like he’s going to make a big mistake

so she tries her best to teach and correct him where she can, and make him as comfortable as possible 

if you look at any of the 90s Love promotions - aria is always beside yangyang

he bit her ear once

she doesn’t know why and he won’t tell her

but now when she makes fun of him, he threatens to do it again 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

aria skating onto the rink during filming, and yangyang following her because she promised to teach him how to skate backwards.

“ok just, think like you’re leading with your heels. press your knees in, and push outwards, with you-no no that’s forwards. go backwards yangyang.”

“no no no thats a WALL YANGYANG STOP-” 

[artzychic27]

Artist Family Values?

Everything is calm. Marinette, Alix, and Rose are playing funeral in the backyard; Felix is helping Juleka write a love note to Rose, confessing her feelings; Nathaniel is arm wrestling That and losing

Marc: Nathaniel, wonderful news. My mother is going to have a baby and she wants us to have it... Right now.

*Several hours of excruciatingly painful labor later*

Little girl: And then mommy kissed daddy, and the angel told the stork. The stork flew down from heaven and left a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby.

Marinette: They had sex.

*Later*

Rose: Nathaniel!

Juleka: What news?

Marinette: Nathaniel, what is it?

Nathaniel: It’s an Artist!

The baby’s name is Kiran. He has black eyes and was born with fangs

Marinette and Alix immediately hate the baby and do everything they can to get rid of him. Guillotine, shooting him, dropping him from the roof

Marc: Mari. Alix. Why do you hate the baby?

Alix: We don’t hate him. We just wanna play with him.

Marinette: Especially his head.

To keep Kira out of trouble, Marc and Nathaniel hire a nanny. Lila.

Juleka immediately hates her because of how she’s taken a liking to Rose. Little does she know that she isn’t in love with the blonde. She’s a black widow out for their fortune.

Noticing that Marinette and Alix are onto her, Lila makes it seem like they wanna go to summer camp so they’re not in her way.

Nathaniel: *Disgusted* Fresh air. The scent of pine.

Chloé: Hi. I'm Chloé Bourgeois. Why are you dressed like that?

Marinette: Like what?

Chloé: Like you're going to a funeral. Why are you dressed like somebody died?

Marinette: Wait.

While at camp, Marinette and Alix make enemies of the popular bratty rich kids and allies out of the outcasts (The Akuma class)

Marinette finds herself glaring at a certain boy from America who glares right back at her... It’s Damian.

Back at the Artists’ home, Rose finds herself falling in love with Lila, much to Juleka’s anger but no one seems to notice

Marc and Nathaniel invite them to a gothic bistro

Lila: I just can't tell. Does she like me at all?

Marc: Of course she does. She pulled out her hair at the sight of you.

Marc and Nathaniel perform the badass tango from the movie

Meanwhile at the cemetery, Lila and Rose get engaged surprisingly quickly

Rose: Good news! I’m engaged!

Juleka: What?! *Felix pats her back for comfort*

Lila: *Shows the ring*

Marc: That ring.

Nathaniel: It was my grandmother’s. She was burried with it.

Lila: *Holds up a shovel*

Later that night at the camp, Alix and Marinette attempt to escape with some help from Damian, but are caught by the brat campers and are forced to sing Kumbaya

Damian and Marinette find themselves becoming closer

Damian: You know... I’m pretty good with a knife myself.

Marinette: ... *Holds Damian’s hand*

Escape attempt #2 is a success. When they hear about the wedding, Marinette and Alix have to go and see if it’ll be a train wreck. Of course, Marinette invites Damian as her plus one.

It’s surprisingly pleasant. Everyone’s dressed in black, the flower girl is tossing dead petals on the ground.

“I do.” “Ditto.” Marinette catches the bouquet.

Damian: Now you have to get married.

Marinette: It’s not binding.

On their honemoon, Lila attempts to kill Rose by dropping a toaster in her bath. Unfortunately for her, Rose is immune to death by electrocution

Needing a new plan and for the Artists to stay out of her way, Lila forbids Rose from seeing or speaking to em ever again.

Meanwhile at camp, Alix shoots an endangered bird!

Camp director 1: It’s a white tailed eagle!

Camp director 2: Aren’t they endangered?

Marinette: They are now

Juleka is sulking after receiving a letter from Rose, saying she can’t see them ever again.

Juleka: Have I done something, said something? Why does she despise me?

Nathaniel: Rose adores you.

Juleka: I'd do anything for her. At her request, I would rip out my eyes. At her command, I would crawl on my stomach through hot coals and broken glass.

Marc: ... You’re in love with Rose?

Back at camp, the directors announce that the campers will be performing the poorly written and quite racist play about the first Thanksgiving

Chloé will be playing Sarah Miller, the outcasts will play the Native Americans, and Marinette will be playing Pocahontas.

Marinette passes out at the announcement

Meanwhile, the Artists visit Rose and Lila at their pristine white mansion.

Juleka: So these are the gates of hell.

Lila forced them to leave, and Rose, out of fear, backs her up.

Marc: I see Lila that you have placed Rose under some strange sexual spell. I respect that. But please, may we see her?

Lila: No!

Marc: You have gone too far. You have married Rose. You have destroyed her spirit. You have taken her from us. All that I could forgive. But, Lila...

Lila: What?!

Marc: ... Pastels?

They leave, but not before Juleka curses Lila.

They try to go to the police, but they won’t take them seriously, and Nathaniel makes the following announcement

Nathaniel: I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise! My name is Nathaniel Artist, and I have seen evil! *Juleka holds up Kiran* I have seen horror! *Felix waves* I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul.

Marc: They’re at camp.

Speaking of camp. The main 3 attempt to escape again, but are caught by the other campers and are soon forced into the Harmony Hut where they’re forced to watch Disney Movies.

Hours without food or drinks later, and they come out looking pale and traumatized

Marinette snaps out of it and traumatizes them back by smiling

With the Artists, something horrible has happened to Kiran. He blonde and has blue eyes!

Marc: My brother!

Nathaniel: *Faints*

Juleka: *Reading from spell book* “Infant possessions. These terrifying changes are most often the result of a troubled family life.”

Marc: Rose!

Juleka: If we don’t get Rose back, we’re talking dimples.

Nathaniel: Not in this house!

Juleka: He could stay this way for years. Forever. He could become... A lawyer.

Nathaniel: No!

Juleka: An orthodontist.

Marc: Juleka, please!

Juleka: ... Mayor.

Nathaniel: NOOO! TAKE ME INSTEAD!

It’s the day of the highly offensive show that portrays Native Americans as uncivilized people.

It goes off well until Marinette flips the script.

Marinette: You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now, my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides. You will play golf and enjoy hot hors d’oeurves. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will drive stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, “Do not trust the pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller. And for all these reasons, I have decided to scalp you, and burn your village. To. The. Ground.

The outcasts burn the camp to the ground and attack the brats while the main 3 escape in a canoe.

Meanwhile, Lila tries one last attempt at killing Rose, knowing this won’t fault. A bomb.

When it goes off while she’s out, she’s expecting a blonde corpse. Not Rose holding a tray of cupcakes and a warm smile

Enough is enough.

Lila: *Aims gun* I tried to make it look like an accident! I tried to give you some dignity, but, oh, no, not you!

That shows up to save the day by hitting Lila with his car and helping Rose escape back to the Artists’ Home,

*Now for the best scene*

Marinette: I may never see you again.

Damian: I know.

Marinette: There are forces tearing us apart-- Gary, Lila, tenth grade.

Damian: I'll never forget you.

Marinette: *Touched* You won't?

Damian: You're too weird.

Marinette: We'll always have today and camp

Damian: And this. *He holds up a retainer*

Marinette: What is it?

Damian: Chloé’s retainer. *Drops it to the ground* Meyn ziskeyt.

Marinette: Mi querido.

*The two kiss through the fence before pulling away and wiping their mouths*

Meanwhile, Nathaniel’s lost his mind.

Nathaniel: *Lying in bed* Swing low... Sweet chariot... Coming for to carry me home.

Marc: Oh, my sister is ill and my husband is dying. Juleka, what am I gonna do?

Juleka: Well, you already have a black dress.

Rose returns, apologizes for abandoning them, reconciles with her friends

And at that moment, Marinette and Alix return from camp. They all group hug, and Juleka is about to tell Rose about her feelings for her, until...

Lila: In-laws!

Down in the dungeon, the Artists, Felix, and That are strapped into electric chairs while Lila tells them the story of her life... Through slideshow!

She burned her house down with her parents still in it because they gave her Malibu Barbie instead of Ballerina Barbie

Marc: *Disgusted* Malibu Barbie. The nightmare.

Nathaniel: The nerve.

Her first husband the heart surgeon could never make it on dates, so she committed axe murder.

Juleka: Aw, an axe. That takes me back.

Husband #2 was a Senator who wouldn’t buy Lila that new, expensive car because they had to set an example. She ran him over.

Lila: So I destroyed one innocent life after another. Aren't I a human being? Don't I yearn and... ache and shop? Don't I deserve love... and jewelry?

Marc: *nods* Adios, mi querido.

Nathaniel: Zay gezunt, meyn tayer.

With some encouragement from Felix, Juleka uses her last few moments to confess to Rose

Juleka: Rose, night after night, I have desired you. I would worship every pale, lifeless limb on your body, die and kill for you, love you even after my dying breath. Rose... I love you.

Her confession leaves Rose in tears.

Rose: I love you, too.

Lila: Oh, barf! *Grabs the lever* Goodbye, everyone! Wish me luck!

Artists: Good luck.

Right as she’s about to pull the lever, Kiran, back go normal and by some miracle drops down from the ceiling and switches the wires, making Lila electrocute herself to death

*One year later*

Juleka and Rose got married! Also, it’s Kiran’s birthday! And Damian’s invited!

Rose: And to think I might have missed all this. What was I thinking?

Marinette: Physical pleasure.

While the others are celebrating, Marinette and Damian hang out in the cemetery and talk about marriage. Which Marinette doesn’t want

Damian: But what if you found a man so devoted to you, who worshipped you, that he’d be your eternal love slave?

Marinette: I’d pity him

Damian: *Looks at Lila’s gravestone. ‘Friend, Family, Killer* Damn. Lila was sick.

Marinette: She wasn't sick. She was sloppy.

Damian: What?

Marinette: If I wanted to kill my husband, I'd do it, and I wouldn't get caught.

Damian: How?

Marinette: I'd scare him to death.

Damian: *Scoffs* Sure. *As he goes to lay a flower on Lila’s grave, her hand pops out of the ground and grabs him, making him scream.*

[collecting-stories]

Blue Lagoon - ep. 01 - Rafe Cameron

Summary: Ward announces a family vacation while being the absolute worst and you meet Rafe for the first time. 

A/N: Can’t believe I’m making a Rafe series...super nervous about this one. If you like the first chapter and wanna be tagged let me know! (Also, all the chapters are named after beach cocktails). This is a re-write of Chapter 1!

Holiday in the Sun Masterlist | Outer Banks Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

Thirteen had been a tragic year. The year of braces and that terrible hair cut that could only be described as the love child of a bowl cut and a mullet. Your best friend had taken scissors to your hair and you had regretted it ever since. It was the year of hoodies and basketball shorts and more layers than Billie Eilish. The year you fell and busted up your face so bad that you suffered through vacation with a bruise the size of Texas on your jaw. The year all your friends caught up to you but you were still taller and your boobs were still bigger and you still felt more awkward. 

The worst thing about thirteen though, had been the vacation. It was the first time your mom had decided to do a joint vacation to the Bahamas over break. You were thirteen and an absolute tragic mess and already so embarrassed just by your existence and then she flew you to the Bahamas to spend Christmas with the Camerons. 

And if Rafe wasn’t already so attractive and beautifully self-assured; fifteen and already tall and funny and you felt arguably worse about yourself in comparison to him and his sister. But especially him. And part of that was entirely because he’d been so nice. You were fully prepared for him to treat you like every other kid at your school treated you but he didn’t. He was so nice to you and you’d spent a vacation that you thought was going to be horrible having an incredible time. 

But that was the last of the joint family vacations, your mom focusing her time on her new job once you’d gotten home, so you were surprised when she proposed the idea again your junior year of high school. 

“The Bahamas?” 

“Over Christmas...with the Cameron’s.” Your mom replied, barely looking up from her notepad. 

“Oh uh, okay,” there wasn’t much else you could say. She wasn’t about it accept a no from you and yeah, the last trip had been fun, but that nervous insecurity ate away at you from the moment she mentioned it. 

You certainly weren’t the tragic thirteen-year-old mess that you had been back then, and maybe that should have inspired some confidence but instead you were just nervous. If you had gotten arguably better than what did Rafe look like? Probably even more gorgeous than he’d been before. One of your friends suggested trying to find him on instagram but you didn’t need any more anxiety pre-vacation so you avoided the possibility of seeing him before you really saw him at all.  

-

It was Rose who first suggested the little change of scenery for the New Year. Winter break was fast approaching and Ward was at the end of his rope with his oldest and Rose, in an ill-fated attempt to make his exhaustion work for her, mentioned the house in Nassau. Late at night, while Ward sat in his office trying to calm his nerves with a bottle of scotch. He’d been woken by a call from Peterkin that Rafe had been arrested, the third time in two months, for driving under the influence. He didn’t ask what his son was under the influence of and he almost left him in lockup for the night but he got dressed, picked him up, and drove him home in silence. Something had to change and then Rose broached the topic of a vacation. Of course it came with a catch, as everything with Rose seemed to do.  

“Dad,” Sarah groaned, looking up from her homework when he announced the trip over breakfast the next morning. “you can’t be serious?”

Ward had come down to breakfast, calling Rafe into the kitchen where Sarah and Wheezie were already eating. He didn’t hate Rose’s idea, even the part of it that benefitted her need to show off, and he decided not to waste time telling his kids the news.  

“As a heart attack Sarah.” He replied. “It’s been a busy year and I think this is exactly the kind of family trip we all need right now. Take some time away from the island and our,” he looked across the room at Rafe disdainfully, “more objectionable pastimes.”

“It was one DUI.” Rafe said, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. He was still a little hungover from the night before and the weed he’d just been smoking had his eyes bloodshot. He would’ve really loved to get some sleep but just as he was starting to doze off Ward was banging on his bedroom door.  

“And it would’ve been your third if Peterkin didn’t owe me a favor. I’ve only got so much clout Rafe, I can’t keep bailing you out every time you decide to do something reckless. Your choices-”

“Reflect the family.” Rafe replied, “I know.”  

“Then you’ll know this isn’t up for discussion. We’re going to Nassau in a week.”

All of them missed Wheezie’s groan as she laid her head in her hands. The silent onlooker to her family’s revolving door of drama, Wheezie’s role was that of mediator, instigator, and observer, but she wasn’t granted the privilege of an opinion.

“I’m supposed to go to the Keys with Scarlett!” Sarah mentioned, as if it mattered, “why do we all have to be punished just because Rafe screwed up?”

“I didn’t screw up Sarah, I was barely drunk. Shoupe was just trying to give me a hard time.”

“Oh, of course, our mistake.” Ward replied, “the world is out to get you. Do you know where your classmates are right now? In college. Yale, Harvard, Duke, even NCS...and where are you? That’s right, sitting at home every day, smoking weed, wasting my money.”

“I said I’d do some work for you.”  

“Because this is what I want representing my company? You can’t even get out of bed before three in the afternoon most days.” Ward snapped, “take this vacation as an olive branch. And when we get back start thinking about what you want your life to look like because any more ‘wrong turns’ and you can forget the nice stuff and the free room and the bailouts.”

“Dad!”

“That’s not fair to me and Wheezie!” Sarah piped up, repeating her earlier argument, “why are we being punished?”

“Don’t rope me into this.” Wheezie commented. She wasn’t going down with this ship. At least not yet.  

“I hardly think a week in the Bahamas is a punishment Sarah.” Ward replied, “now, is it possible to get through this without any other objections?”

“Can I invite Topper?” Sarah asked, “you said Rose’s friend is coming with her daughhter so I don’t see why I can’t invited someone.”

“Rose’s friend?” Rafe asked, looking up from his phone.  

“Yes. We’ve been on vacation with them before. You remember? He daughter is a year older than Sarah I think.”  

“Yeah,” he nodded, the slightest smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth.  

“Can I invite a friend?” Wheezie asked.

“No.” Ward said.  

“If Sarah gets to bring someone why can’t I? That’s not fair!”  

“I’m done with the arguments and backtalk. We’re leaving in a week. If Dr. Thornton says Topper can come, he can come. But I’m not a babysitting service for you and your friends Wheezie.”  

“Sarah always gets to-”

“Louisa!” Ward snapped, hand hitting the marble countertop. Sarah’s eyes went wide and Rafe looked up from his phone, standing up a little straighter at the notable anger in his father’s voice.

“Sorry.” Wheezie shrunk down in her seat, looking away from her dad.

“Now, do you think it’s possible that we can all get through this without any more arguments? We leave on Sunday. Since I have actual work to do, unlike any of children,” Ward said, looking over at Rafe, “I’ll be in my office.”

All three of them stayed put as they listened to their dad’s footsteps as he headed upstairs to his office. Sarah got up from the table, grabbing her phone and heading outside to call Topper while Wheezie still sat there looking close to tears for being yelled at.  

Rafe put his phone down on the counter and crossed the kitchen, putting his hand on his sister’s back and rubbing small circles. “Hey, no worries, okay? I’ll hang out with you on the trip.”

“You’ll just off with Topper and Sarah and I’ll be stuck with Rose while she day drinks.” Wheezie muttered, rubbing at her eyes.

“I promise Wheez, I won’t ditch you.”

“Okay,” she looked up at him, holding her hand out, pinky extended, “pinky promise?”

“Yeah, pinky promise.”

-

The week went by faster than any of them wanted it to, Sunday creeping up too soon. Trips to Nassau were usually staggered. Ward might go with Rose, or Rafe and Sarah went with friends or Ward took Wheezie, but they never went altogether. A family vacation hadn’t happened in almost four years.

Rafe could remember the last trip. Sarah had brought Scarlett because, once again, she was their father’s favorite child. Ward told Wheezie she couldn’t bring someone, pretending that she was too young but Sarah had been twelve and she’d been allowed to bring someone. Scarlett was a nightmare on vacation and an absolute bitch to you, Rose’s best friend’s daughter. Rafe had spent most of his time with you just to avoid his sister and Scarlett but he’d actually had a great time. Probably the last great time he had sober.  

On Sunday morning he stood at the back of the SUV, helping his dad load it up for the drive to airstrip.  

“Alright, do we have everything we need to go?” Ward asked, looking toward the house as Rose came out with her biggest suitcase rolling alongside her. “Rose, it’s a week for godsake.”

Sarah leaned out the window at her stepmom before sharing a look with Rafe, rolling her eyes. Rose caught the look and frowned. “Sorry all my clothes aren’t the size of Malibu Barbie and require a little extra space.” She said, glaring at Sarah.

“Here we go!” Sarah swore.

Ward took a deep breath, “just get in the car. Please.” He passed the suitcase to Rafe before following his wife around the side of the car, “and Sarah, behave.”

“Are you kidding me? She literally started it. I said nothing.”

“I don’t wanna hear it.”  

Sarah groaned, sitting back in her seat, “this is the stupidest vacation, why do we all have to go?”

“Sarah!” Ward shouted, “not another word! Some of you are lucky that we’re all going since you certainly don’t deserve a nice vacation.”

Rafe shut the door as he climbed in the backseat beside Wheezie, “am I supposed to say thank you?” It didn’t surprise him that somehow his dad yelling at Sarah had turned into his dad taking a dig at him.  

“It’s beyond my comprehension how I managed to raise such incredibly spoiled, ungrateful children.”  

“Sorry dad,” Sarah muttered.  

“Well I won’t wait for the other two apologies.” He said, looking in the rearview mirror at them. Wheezie had her airpods in, staring down at her phone, “this one probably can’t even hear me.”

Rafe nudged his youngest sister and she looked up, “huh, what?” She took one headphone out and looked around the car but Ward had already changed the subject.

“Is Topper meeting us at the airstrip or am I supposed to be picking him up?”  

“He said he would meet us.” Sarah replied, slumping in her seat as they backed out of the driveway and headed to the airstrip.  

“You know Sarah,” Ward mentioned, always happy for an opportunity to dig for a dig at Rafe’s expense where he could find one, “I really do like this young man. He’s very responsible. It’s a shame my own son couldn’t be so disciplined and mature.”  

“This is gonna be a great vacation dad, you were right.” Rafe piped up.

“You can save the snark Rafe.”

The only thing quieter than the rest of the drive to the airstrip was the flight to Nassau. Quiet and awkward, so much so that Topper spent the entire trip too tensed to even move, aside from his knee bobbing uncontrollably. None of the Cameron kids seemed to notice the unease or they were all so adapted to it that it didn’t seem to affect them.  

Ward had eased up on the commentary and Rafe was silent, hoping he wouldn’t have to listen to anymore of his father’s opinions if he just stayed quiet. He knew that wasn’t the case but it was working so far. Rose was too engrossed in her phone to bothered with any of them, Sarah and Wheezie taking up similar approaches to the flight.

-

“You know we could be taking a private plane to like, Paris or something right now? Wouldn’t that be kind of incredible?” You asked, reaching for one of the bagels that your stepdad had laid out on the table.  

“The Bahamas are equally incredible,” Your mom piped up, smacking your hand and making you drop the bagel, “eat some fruit, you look bloated.”

“I’m not bloated mom.”  

“Well, you're either bloated or pregnant and let’s not hope it’s the latter.” She snarked, pushing the bowl of fruit closer.  

“Thanks mom.” You rolled your eyes, “and thanks so much for this vacation when I was supposed to be in Ptown with Ben.”  

“Ptown’s not going anywhere.” She replied. “Try to be positive, remember what Dr. Nygaard said, try not to decide the outcome of an event before it happens.”

“Thanks for that inspirational advice,” you said, “you should get it printed on a t-shirt.”

Your mom had announced the trip not three days after you had committed to going to Provincetown with friends for Christmas. You’d paid for a fifth of the house that your friend group was renting for the week only for your mom to announce that you had to cancel. Rose had invited her (and you and your stepdad) to the Cameron’s Nassau house and she had accepted, effectively canceling any plans that you had. There was no chance of arguing the point with her, if she said you were going then you were going. And to be fair, part of you kind of wanted to go, just for the opportunity to see Rafe. Though it was for that same reason that you were really dreading the chance to go to.  

-

The Cameron’s landed at the airstrip in Nassau an hour after your family had already arrived and your mom had taken the liberty of renting two SUVs for the week. When Ward did land, Wheezie pressed her face to the window, looking out at the private port. “Who is that?” She asked, not recognizing Rose’s friend or her family.  

“My friend LeAnn, you remember we went to Nassau with them last time.” Rose replied.  

Your mom nudged you, a silent jab meant to tell you to turn your phone off. You were only making yourself more depressed anyway, seeing that your friends were having a great time while you were stuck on a family vacation.  

Rose waved as she exited the plane and your mom waved back enthusiastically. “LeAnn, I’m so happy you could make it!”  

“Thank you for inviting us,” your mom said, hugging Rose before looking to Ward, “we always talked about vacationing together again, I’m so glad it finally worked out.”

“Oh me too,” He replied though it sounded half-hearted.  

“It’s so beautiful here.” LeAnn said, looking around as if she hadn’t had the opportunity to before, “didn’t I tell you how nice it would be?” She asked you.

“Yeah, it’s super warm here.” You made a point of moving your hand up to block the sun, squinting behind your sunglasses and scrunching your nose.

“Don’t mind her, she was going to spend her vacation in with friends but she’ll get over it.” LeAnn said, excusing your behavior.

The rest of the family, Rafe, Sarah, Topper, and Wheezie, caught up with Ward and Rose, bags in hand and ready to get to the house. Wheezie avoided introductions, a quick wave before she headed straight to the second car, putting her airpods back in as she did. Rose ignored her daughter, going through a round of introductions anyway, as if you had all completely forgotten each other. As she pointed to Rafe you looked up from your phone, your eyes meeting his. Four years since your seen him and that same familiar pull in your stomach was still there when he smiled, like butterflies erupting. It lasted only a second as your mom spoke up and you turned to look at her.  

“I can’t believe how old you both are now! And Wheezie, the last time I saw you all you were just kids.”

“Well it’s been four years mom.” You pointed out.

“I know how long it’s been.” She said, glaring at you. “I guess we’ll see you all back at the house right?”

As everyone piled into their respective cars, your stepdad offered up the backseat if anyone wanted, noting that they had four people to get in the back of their car and your family only had you. Rafe looked at the back seat as Sarah climbed in, bag still in his hand as he slowly stepped away from the car.

“If you don’t mind?” He said, catching your attention.

You stopped what you were doing, hand hovering over your bag as you stood there at the open trunk, your stepdad answering Rafe, “not at all, hop in.”

He nodded, coming around the back of the SUV and putting his bag in the back. You were still standing there, practically frozen as you followed the motion of his bag getting tossed in the trunk as he turned to you, “need help?”

“I can lift a bag, promise.”

“I mean, last time-”  

“The latch wasn’t on my suitcase last time!” You laughed, “I can’t believe you remember that, that was so embarrassing.” You had been lifting your suitcase onto the cart at the hotel last time you were here and dropped it on the ground, the latch popping and spilling your clothes and belongings everywhere. The worst of it being Rafe picking up the stuffed dog that you had brought with you. “I did bring Wilbur though,” you said, just to get a laugh.  

It worked, Rafe shaking his head at you as he put your bag in and shut the trunk door. You followed him around to the backseat and he let you get in first, sitting so close to you that his thigh touched yours. It was unnecessary, since there was plenty of room with just the two of you, but he acted like he didn’t even realize it.  

“Sorry you had to give up vacation just to come here.” He whispered, turning to look at you.

“And miss the opportunity to hang out with you for a week?” You asked, grinning.

-

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[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Destiny

Ch 4- Get Busy Living, Or Get Busy Dying

Chapter Summary: We check back in with Steve and the Kids, before Katie is taken back to a time a few weeks post the Battle of New York, where she desperately tries to get through to a despondent Steve.

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words.

Chapter Pairings:  Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: So these chapters contain flashbacks of sorts- but they’re not flashbacks as Katie is watching the events unfold in front of her-a “Time heist” of sorts. However, to keep it clear and hopefully not confusing, the events she is watching are depicted in itallics instead of me trying to keep calling her 2010 v 2030 Katie…

This was originally finished and posted on the day that we all learned of Chadwick Bosman’s passing.  I sure can read the emotion I was feeling when I wrote it, and therefore I still dedicate this to him.

 Rest in power, King. Wakanda Forever.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Stark Spangled Destiny Masterlist // Main Masterlist

When Steve arrived home, Emmy’s car was already in the driveway. Rori gave a little squeal at the fact her sister was home and shot off to the front door of the house, bouncing on the step.

“Hurry up, Daddy!” she turned to look at him.

“Alright, alright.” He chuckled, reaching her with a few strides and pressing his palm to the access pad. The door clicked open and Rori shot inside, running down the hallway shouting Emmy’s name, Harry toddling behind her as fast as he could followed by Stark, his nails causing him to slip on the wooden floor as he ran, sliding ass first into the small table which thankfully didn’t fall over.

“Rori, hush!” Steve hastily tried to quiet her for fear Katie was asleep, but to no avail. With a sigh he pushed Flossie’s stroller in and then once Jamie had followed him inside he closed the door, the security system clicking back into place.

“Am I banished to my room now?” Jamie looked at him.

Steve took a deep breath, before he shook his head. “Not yet no, but you’re going up after dinner.”

“Okay.” Jamie nodded as he kicked off his sneakers and picked them up, placing them in the rack by the door. “I think I’m gonna go up anyway.”

Steve looked at him, and nodded, watching as he headed off to the stairs, his shoulders slumped a little. He hated it when any of his kids were upset but this was Jamie’s own doing. With a sigh he gently picked Flossie out of her stroller, bent to retrieve the flowers that they’d all chosen from the little meadow and headed into the kitchen where he could hear Rori gabbling on excitedly.

“Hey Dad.” Emmy looked up at him, a little sheepishly given their earlier exchanged and he smiled at her as she came towards him, arms outstretched. He passed Flossie over and then placed the flowers on the side before retrieving the empty vase from the windowsill, giving a small groan of frustration. This vase was never empty, he usually made sure of that by always bringing Katie some flowers home once a week or so, but as he filled it up with water for the flowers the kids had picked, Steve realised he’d been as guilty of neglecting her and taking her foregranted a little as anyone else in the house had been.

“I take it Mom’s still sleeping?” Emmy asked and Steve turned to look at her.

“Yeah, she must be.” He nodded. “I’ll go wake her in a little while once we’ve ordered dinner.”

“I really am sorry.” Emmy began and Steve held his hand up.

“I know, it’s done okay?” He shook his head. “We just need to make sure in future we help out a little more, an I include myself in that.”

“Daddy?” Rori tugged on his jeans and he looked down “Can you try and fix my doll now?”

“Yeah, sure.” He nodded, looking at the offended broken Barbie doll on the side. Whatever had happened between Jamie and Rori, Jamie had managed to snap the head off from the neck. He took it in his hands, had a quick look before he disappeared into the laundry room for the superglue. After a little careful application he’d managed to reattach it reasonably well.

“All fixed.” he walked back in, holding the damned doll upright as Rori gave an excited squeal “But you need to leave it to set for a while.”

“Daddy you’re the best!” She hugged him tight and he chuckled as he passed it to her.

“Be careful.”

Rori nodded as she looked at the doll and then her face fell. “But I can still see the break.” She whispered.

“I can’t do anything about that, Princess.” Steve sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“I can…” Emmy said suddenly. “Rori, go grab your craft kit.”

Rori looked at her, then to Steve who shrugged, before she thrust the doll back at him and disappeared into the den. Steve gave Emmy a questioning look and she simply winked as she placed Flossie down in the pack and play in the corner of the room, where the baby let out a loud shriek and wiggled her legs and arms excitedly at the activity station above her, grabbing at one of the rattles.

Rori came back in, carrying the little plastic box that she kept all of her stuff for colouring and sticking in the Crap Book, and set it down on the table as she scrambled into a seat. Emmy dropped next to her and opened the lid.

“Okay, so…” she began sifting through the stuff in the box and then pulled out 4 little squares of material that Rori had in there. “Which one is best?”

“Erm…” Rori looked at them before she pointed to a bright pink piece. “That one.” “Good choice.” Emmy nodded. She reached into the box once more and pulled out the crimping scissors that were in there because Rori liked the shape it left on the edge of things. Steve watched as his eldest carefully cut a thin sliver of the material off. “Dad, can you pass me headless Barbie?”

Steve smiled and headed the doll back over and Emmy wound the material round the doll’s neck, tying it in place at the front with a knot.

“There.” She said as Rori gave a huge gasp and a smile. “Line gone and Barbie now has an on point kerchief.”

“That’s awesome!” Rori grinned, giving her sister a hug. “Thank you, Emmy.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Now, Aurora,” Steve looked at her and she glanced at him, her face falling at the use of her full name, because she knew full well what it meant, “if I find out you’ve hit Jamie with it again, it’s going straight in the garbage, you understand me?” “Yes Daddy.” She said, her eyes falling down to the table.

“Good.” He nodded before he looked at Emmy. “Now, I don’t know about you, but I could use a beer.”

Emmy smiled “Sure. Sounds good.”

“Can I-“

“No.” Steve cut Rori off. “You can have a juice box. What flavour do you want?”

“Can I have apple please?”

“Sure.” He turned to Harry who was sat at the table, pushing a small car across the surface. “Hey Buddy, you want a juice box too?”

“Owange pwease.” He looked at Steve who nodded and moved to the fridge. He passed the kids each a drink, piercing Harry’s with the straw for him before he moved to the wine cooler and pulled two beers out of the beer section at the bottom. He flipped the lids on the opener set into the unit and slid one over to Emmy as Rori hopped down from the table and announced the was going to the Den.

“Any luck on the apartment hunting?” He asked and she wrinkled her nose.

“Not really.” She shrugged. “We can’t agree on anywhere. I like a place, Pete isn’t so keen, he likes somewhere, I’m not sure.” She looked at Steve “How did you and Mom agree on this place?”

“We just walked in and knew it was right.” He shrugged. “We were in a slightly different position though. We’d been living in our apartment and the compound for so long, I think this place just ticked everything we wanted. Plus, your Mom was pregnant with Jamie so we saw past the tiny little niggles we had and focussed on the good bits and there were far many more points we liked. We changed the bits we didn’t eventually.” He looked around the kitchen “And it’s nice. It’s home.”

“Pete’s not really comfortable with you and Mom saying you’d buy us somewhere.” Emmy said gently and Steve smiled, chuckling.

“I wasn’t comfortable with your Mom basically buying this place either.” He shrugged. “But, well as she pointed out, we were married by then, it was a moot point.” He took a pull from his bottle. “Did she ever tell you about the house we viewed before we got married?” Emmy grinned and nodded “Danni with an I, remember?” Steve snorted and then shrugged. “Yeah, so I had a hard time with that because I had nowhere near as much money as your Mom to put down but, it’s just money Em. Easy to say when you have it but if you and Pete are ready to settle down and be together then it shouldn’t be an issue. You want me to talk to him?” “No.” Emmy hastily spoke. “Absolutely not. You already scare the sh…” she stopped herself swearing and Steve arched a brow. “You scare the life out of him.”

“Good.” Steve grinned “I’m your Dad. That’s my job.”

Emmy rolled her eyes and Steve bit back a chuckle, checking his watch. It was almost seven. So much for an early night for the kids.

“Right, I’m going to order dinner. Fancy doing me a favour?”

“Sure.” Emmy shrugged

“Can you get Harry a bath and into his pyjamas? I’ll round the other two up once you’re done.”

“No bath from Emmy.” Harry mumbled “Momma gives me my bath.”

“Momma’s sleeping buddy, but she’ll come down in a little while for dinner ok?”

Harry looked at him and then grinned “Emmy…daddy got momma wet yesterday.”

Steve spluttered on his beer as Emmy looked at him, arching an eyebrow.

“He means at bath time.” Steve hastily explained “Harry was splashing and it ended up in a slight water fight…”

“Well of course, what else could he mean?” Emmy rolled her eyes before she groaned “God that’s a disgusting image…”

Steve blushed a little before he shook his head, pulling out his phone. “Pizza?”

Emmy nodded before she frowned “Actually, whilst I’m okay with whatever, surely mom would prefer her favourite if she’s feeling down?”

Steve pondered. “Good point. I can order from both. You want a burger or…”

Em nodded. “I’ll have the same as mom, double cheese with a side of chilli fries…oh, and can we get some mac and cheese to share?”

Steve shook his head. “I don’t share food, I’ll get two.”

Emmy smiled and then stood up grinning at her younger brother. “Okay Squirt, let’s go get you bathed.”

Harry looked at her, before he shook his head, “nope,” and in a flash he was off his chair, sprinting out of the room, cackling to himself. Emmy shook her head and with a snort took off after him. Steve watched them go, smiling to himself for a second before he set about ordering their dinner. ***** “Hey…” Katie looked at Steve as he emerged into her tower penthouse. “You okay?”

“Yeah, no, actually I dunno.” He sighed, “I’m sorry to barge in and bother you but…”

“It’s okay, I’m not busy.” She looked at him frowning, “what’s up, Soldier?”

“I had a meeting with Fury before.” Steve bit his lip, “he was going on about the academy and stuff he has planned for me and…” he trailed off

“Say what’s on your mind.” Katie encouraged, gently as she took him in. It had only been two weeks since the battle of New York, and Steve looked absolutely exhausted. She could tell he wasn’t sleeping. She’d seen him a handful of times over the past fortnight and he’d started to look more and more drawn with each visit.

“It’s overwhelming.” Steve replied eventually, shaking his head “Everything. God, it’s so noisy and…” he swallowed, “look, sorry, I’m just, I don’t know what I’m doing here, Katie. The world is so different. This isn’t me.” Katie pondered something for a minute, before she had a sudden wave of inspiration.

“Ever seen Niagara falls?”

“What?” Steve frowned, utterly perplexed at her change of subject. “No, but what’s…”

“I think you need a little head space.” She mused, before she spoke. “JARVIS?”

“Yes, Miss Stark.” The AI responded and Steve jumped a little. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to the voice belonging to a man that didn’t actually exist.

“Can you patch through and get one of the jets ready. Set a course for Niagara, I want to take a trip.”

“Of course Miss Stark.” Jarvis replied. “Give me a moment.”

“We can’t just fly to Niagara.” Steve looked at Katie horrified, “I mean…”

“The beauty of having a personal, private Jet is just that, Steve,” she grinned, “I can go where I want, when I want, with anyone I want. Well, most of the time anyway.”

“Isn’t that a little...”

“Self-indulgent? Eccentric? Arrogant?” She looked at him, arching an eyebrow and he sighed, shaking his head.

“I didn’t mean that. I wasn’t…”

“Well if you did mean that, you’d be correct, of course it is.” She shrugged. “But I don’t much care. It comes in handy, and as part and parcel of being friends with a Stark, you get the privilege too. Oh, and if you’re worried about the environment, don’t be. They run on self-sufficient energy sources, like this place.” She waved her hand around the apartment and Steve gave her a small smile.

“Sorry,” he looked at her a little sheepisly, “I didn’t mean to sound rude.”

Katie shrugged, “no offence taken, it’s okay.”

“Miss Stark?” JARVIS spoke again. “The Jet will be ready to leave in half an hour. Would you like me to organise a car?”

“No need, I’ll take mine. Can you have Happy sort the clearances for myself and Captain Rogers, and a car at the other side?”

“Of course”

“Thanks J.” She said, then she looked at Steve. “How about it Cap? A little spontaneous fun might be just what you need.”

“I don’t know.”

“Oh come on!” She pleaded. “You need to learn to let go, live in the moment. Not everything has to be so serious and daunting.”

Steve looked at her as she raised her eyebrows before he rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

She gave him a grin and nodded, “okay, wait here, gonna grab my jacket.”

“Do I need anything?” He asked “Like to fly or…”

“No, you’re good.” She tossed over her shoulder as she headed into her room. Shoving on a pair of sneakers and grabbing her leather jacket she walked back out to find Steve stood in exactly the same place he had been, his hands twisting together almost nervously. She took him in for a moment, he was wearing a pair of light grey slacks, a blue and white plaid with a white t-shirt just visible where the top three buttons where undone and a brown leather jacket. “What’s your schedule like next week?”

“I err, I don’t have a….what?” He frowned, utterly perplexed. .

“Never mind, I’ll sort it. We’re going clothes shopping.”

“No, absolutely not.” He shook his head.

“Steve, you can’t walk around dressed like that forever.” She scoffed “You want a quiet life? You’re gonna have to blend in a little.” As she watched his face fell and she cursed herself, hastily adding, “it’s not that you look bad. You don’t, at all. But trust me, the more you can embrace the changes in your life the happier you’re gonna feel.”

“Who says I want to embrace it?” He mumbled.

“Don’t you?” She challenged, looking at him. He gave a sigh and shrugged. “Well, that’s up to you. I can’t make your mind up for you.” “No? You’ve done a pretty good job of that today so far.” He quipped and she looked at him.

“If you really don’t want to go then we don’t have to.” She replied, not a shred of annoyance or anger in her voice. “I just thought it might be nice to get away from the noise. Both out there and in here…” She reached up and gently tapped his temple. There was a moment’s pause before Steve took a deep breath and smiled.

“No, I know. You’re right.” He nodded. “Lead the way.”

“God, I never realised how forceful I was.” Katie mused, watching as her past self and Steve headed into the elevator. She turned to Tony. “I was worse than you!”

“Hmmmm,” Tony rotated his hand in front of him on a so-so motion, “maybe not quite.”

“He needed it though.” Katie let out a breath from her nose. “God, he was so down for those few weeks after New York. I hated seeing him like that, so sad and lost.”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Natasha muttered and Katie turned to her, frowning.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ll see.” Natasha said, airily as she too headed to the elevator “Come on.”

They made their way down through to the parking lot in time to see Katie unlocking the white range Rover that had ended up buried under the Triskellion. Steve hopped into the passenger side, and Katie said something to him. He turned, reached for his belt, clicked it in and then looked at her, arching his brows. She nodded and then pulled the car out of the spot.

“He hated seatbelts.” Katie smiled fondly before she imitated his deep baritone. “They didn’t have these in my day…”

“Seatbelts, toasters, microwaves, headless and faceless voices,” Tony ticked them off on his hands, “mobile phones, TVs…” “Flashy billionaires in red and gold metal suits.” Katie nudged him, and he turned to look at her, his trademark smirk on his face. She sighed “He didn’t take long to come round, all things considered.”

They hopped into Tony’s car and emerged into sunny Manhattan from the underground lot. Katie smiled, taking it all in fondly. It had changed, dramatically following the events of the Snap and was still a very different place to the one she had once loved and called home. And then sure enough, the scenery was changing once more and they were pulling into the parking lot at Nigara Falls State Park. They all climbed out, and Katie followed Tony and Natasha through the throng of sight seers, taking the route she could remember with Steve. She could recall this trip like it was yesterday. They’d spent a few hours walking around, down to the Cave of Winds…which seemed to be where they were heading now. And, sure enough, after a little time walking Tony stopped and nodded to where her past self and Steve were stood on the Hurricane Deck, both in bright yellow ponchos. Katie knew what was coming and her face split into a grin as she watched.

Suddenly a sheet of water blew right over them, drenching them both. Steve’s face arranged itself into utter shock and Katie burst into laughter as she glanced up at him, his hair flattened to his head, water dripping down his face.

“I told you to put the hood up!” She howled, tipping her head back as she laughed. He glanced at her, wiping his face, before another wave blew over them.

“What the hell!” He spluttered, before a grin split his face in two and he gave a chuckle as well, shaking his head. He turned to look at the waterfall, taking a huge breath, closing his eyes. After another few rounds of being drenched, Katie tapped his arm and jerked her head, the pair of them heading a little further down the trail. Steve reached up and brushed his soaking hair back from his face, looking at Katie who grinned back at him.

“Everyone who comes to Niagara has to feel the spray on their face.”

“That wasn’t spray!” Steve scoffed. “We might as well have jumped into the damned fall itself.”

“Now there’s an idea.” Katie mused “I reckon they’d let you if we asked.”

“Yeah, I mean I already did one plunge to my supposed death into icy water.” Steve looked at her “What’s another?”

“Ooh was that sarcasm?” Katie arched her eyebrow and Steve rolled his eyes.

“Maybe.” He shrugged and she laughed, shaking her head.

“Come on, we can head back up and grab a coffee. Take in the view where we’re safe and dry.”

Together they weaved their way back through the visitors, and Katie’s eyes were taken by a gang of people who were all pointing at Steve and nudging one another. “Don’t bother.” She said loudly, and they looked at her, frowning.“It’s not him. He just looks very similar. Makes a killing as tribute act.”

“What are you talking about?” Steve looked at her.

“Tell you in a bit.” She grabbed his elbow and steered him up a narrow, step-lined path towards a small outdoors coffee stall. “What’s your poison?”

“Erm. Just normal, I guess?”

“Can I get a large Latte and an Americano.” Katie turned back to the barista before she looked at Steve. “You want cream or…”

“Please.” He nodded. He’d drunk it black mostly when on tour in the army, but that was because there wasn’t much of an option for any other way. Katie nodded to the barista, thanked him and reached for her purse.

“Oh, I’ll get it.” Steve said quickly, fishing his wallet out and handing over a note. Katie looked at him, smiled and thanked him and they moved further down to wait for their coffee. “So who makes a killing as a tribute act?”

“You.” She shrugged. “Well, so I told them. They’d recognised you, I think.”

“Oh.” Steve looked around “Right.”

“It’s okay, I threw them off.” She smiled, taking her drink. She moved over to the table at the side, adding a sugar to hers and stirring. Steve did the same, another thing that had never been possible in the war and once they were sorted the two of them headed over to the little viewing area, which gave a safe look out over the expanse of the waterfalls.

“You’re right, it really is beautiful” Steve looked around, taking a sip of his coffee, his aviators placed on his face.

“Yeah, I like it.” She smiled.

“You come here often or…”

“Not been for years. In fact, the last time was just after my 21st. Me and Tony came for a day out, well, I say day, we actually stayed over. Made a weekend of it. It was fun.”

“Fun.” Steve repeated. “Yeah, I remember that.”

Katie sighed. “You know, I get that you’re pissed and confused, I would be as well, Steve but you’re being your own worst enemy now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked, a little defensively. She turned to him, completely nonplussed by his tone and eyed him shrewdly.

“You know, there’s a quote from one of my favourite films that sums up you and your ‘situation’,” she framed the words with quotation marks using her fingers, “perfectly.” She looked at him. “’You can either get busy living, or get busy dying’.”

Steve took a deep breath, his face still trained on hers and she saw him swallowing a little.

“The world has changed Steve, there’s no escaping that,” Katie reached out to take his hand, giving it a little squeeze, “but that doesn’t make it any less beautiful.”

She watched as he took a deep breath and turned away from her, his hand still linked in hers as he looked back over the waterfall. He didn’t reply.

Katie wiped at her eyes as Tony dropped an arm round her shoulder, totally swept up in the emotion. “Fuck,” she swallowed, “I…”

“I know.” Tony said gently as she leaned into him, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“He just looks so,” Katie glanced at Steve, “defeated. That’s exactly how he looked in Wakanda when…” She trailed off. “I hate seeing him like this.”

“I know but remember this didn’t last long.” Tony soothed her. “You got through to him.”

“Big time.” Natasha added, gently. “Nova, this was a pivotal moment in Steve’s life. He always told me that ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ was a personal favourite of his, and this is why.”

“Yeah, I know. He’s told me.” Katie sniffed. “In fact, he told me not long after we started dating that this moment was what made him kick himself up the ass, realise that he had to try and move forward. It’s why we came back here a few times. But it didn’t make it any easier for him you know? He still struggled.”

“No, but you did.” Natasha looked at her. “You made it a hell of a lot easier for him. You know this.”

Katie nodded. “Yeah, like I say, he’s told me plenty of times. Still, guess he had no option. Not like he could go back was it?”

“Well, he could have.” Tony shrugged. “When I cracked Time Travel.”

“I mean at the time.” Katie shot Tony a glare. “Stop being facetious.”

“Yeah, about that, that isn’t strictly true either. Well, maybe not the Time Travel thing but…” Natasha trailed off as Katie looked at her, frowning.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ll see.” Nat smiled. “Come on.”

Katie looked at Tony who simply shrugged before she tossed a glance back over to her past self who was now stood with Steve, both engaged in a conversation. She fondly recalled how it had taken a lighter turn, Katie telling Steve about her experiences in London, and he his, both of them sharing a laugh about how the two were very different. She made a mental note to tell him they needed to come back to Niagara soon, with the kids this time. With a final, fond look at the back of her soldier, she turned and followed her friend and brother towards the car.

*****

“Now this takes me back.” Katie smiled, fondly looking around the inside of Steve’s New York apartment that SHIELD had put him up in. It was clean and tidy, nothing out of place. Not unlike his home in DC had been, well, that is until she had descended upon it and caused chaos. She used to take great delight in moving things around and seeing how long it took him to notice and especially wearing odd socks which she would flash when she kicked off her sneakers and either dropped her feet onto the coffee table or up on the sofa besides him. He had hated that, so much so that for her birthday the first year he’d known her, he’d jokingly bought her a bumper pack of the items which were labelled with the days of the weeks on. More fool him though, as she’d simply mixed them all up and started wearing them on the wrong days. Rori now wore odd socks too, copying her, and Steve simply rolled his eyes every time he saw it, chuckling to himself.

Just another way he had come so far from the uptight man he had been all those years ago.

She wheeled round as she saw Steve walk into the apartment, in the same outfit as she had been in at Niagara. She glanced at the calendar on the wall and realised it was the same day, this must have been the night they had gotten home.

Curiously, she followed him into the kitchen where he pulled out a beer and popped the lid with his hand.

“Show off.” Tony mumbled and Katie snorted.

“He still does that you know, not all the time but, when he’s feeling like wants to be particularly macho.” Katie smiled fondly.

The three of them watched as Steve sat down at the small table, both his large hands cradling his drink as he sat still, his eyes fixated on a spot on the wall, his face deep in concentration. Katie felt her chest contract a little, he looked so damned lost.

He reached for his phone, pulling it out, looking at it. It was a Samsung, Katie had shown him how to use it, she remembered and she also remembered showing him how to take photos with it, which she knew he’d done at Niagara, testing it out.

This was strange for her to watch, as she hadn’t been here for this moment previously. So she couldn’t know for sure what he was thinking as he looked at his phone. She took a step towards him, peering over his shoulder as she glanced down at what he was looking at. It was a picture of the water fall he’d taken as they stood with a coffee, and then he swiped to the next one which was the first ‘selfie’ of the pair of them ever taken, one which still sat in a frame on the side in their hallway. Steve had crouched down to get into the frame, as Katie couldn’t quite reach far enough otherwise and he’d smiled, a little awkwardly, but it made for a good shot all things considered. She’d teased him relentlessly about being the Poster Boy of the damned War, but being so shit at actually taking a photo. So much so at one point he’d threatened to throw her over the railing. She’d laughed than and slapped his arm, drawing a chuckle from him in response.

Steve gave a little sigh as he looked at the photo, before he turned the screen off, drained his beer and pushed his chair back from the table. Picking up his jacket he left, locking the door behind him.

“What…” Katie looked at Natasha who nodded to the door.

Katie frowned, opened it and stepped through…and found herself in an office. Only this wasn’t at the Triskellion, it was at their base in New York. Steve was stood in front of Fury, who was lounging in a chair.

“I take it from the demand to see me immediately you’ve come to a decision?” Fury eyed Steve and the soldier took a deep breath.

“Yes, I have Sir.”

“And?”

“I don’t want to go back into stasis.” Steve spoke clearly. “I was tempted but, well, I’ve been given a second shot at my life. I owe it to those men, all my friends who didn’t, not to throw it away.”

Fury took a deep breath and nodded. “Good, I’m glad. Like I said a few months back, the world could still use a man like you, Cap.”

Steve nodded. “I’ll take the position in SHIELD it it’s still open. Just tell me where I need to be and when.”

Fury smiled. “Consider it done.”

“Thank you.” Steve said, before he nodded to the door. “I’ll see myself out.”

As he turned to go, Fury stopped him. “I’m curious, what changed your mind, other than owing it to the dead?”

Steve hesitated and turned to the Director, a small smile on his face. “Let’s just say I had my eyes opened. The world has changed, but it’s still a beautiful place.”

Katie’s breathing was deep as she watched Steve leave the office, “He…he was going…” the words caught in her throat as she looked at Natasha, completely in shock at the scene she had just watched.

Natasha nodded. “Fury offered him the chance to go into stasis, to be frozen again, and brought back out if we ever needed him. Just like HYDRA did with Barnes.”

“He never told me that.” Katie sniffed, her eyes stinging with tears. “He never mentioned any of this to me, I can’t…”

At that point she began to cry and she turned to Tony who wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed into his chest. The thought that Steve had felt so lost he had even considered this broke her damned heart and she couldn’t stop the tears as they continued to fall. And more so, she couldn’t understand why he had never told her.

“‘I’m only strong because you’re by my side.’ Remember those words?” Tony spoke gently.

“Of course I do.” Katie sniffed and wiped her eyes, stepping back a little to look at her brother. “It was in his wedding speech…”

“Exactly.” Tony smiled, reaching up to brush her tears away with his thumbs. “You gave him the strength to keep going when everything and everyone he knew was lost.”

“Without you being there, Rogers would have ended up as nothing more than a Soldier, wheeled out by SHIELD when they needed him.” Natasha sighed gently. “It’s twisted, I know, given Barnes’ history, but that’s the way it is. Captain America would have been SHIELD’s version of the Winter Soldier. But you showed him there was a life to live, and he made that decision to damned well live it.”

Katie took a deep, shaky breath. “I wanna go home.” She whispered, gently. “I wanna wake up, I’ve seen enough. I want my kids, I want Steve.”

“Just give us one more stop.” Tony soothed, softly “One more, please Kiddo, there’s something else I want you to see.”

Katie looked away as more tears brimmed in her eyes before she glanced back at her brother then to Natasha.

“I can’t.” “Do you trust me?” Tony looked at her and she sighed.

“Of course I do.”

“Then let me show you one last memory. And then, well, then we can say goodbye.”

“Jesus Christ, Tone.” Katie cried, her voice cracking. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Hey, look at me.” Her brother instructed, and she turned to face him, swallowing as tears poured down her face, her chest aching with raw emotion. “You know this was never permanent. We’re gonna have to go at some point.”

“I know, I just…” Katie shook her head. She glanced back over at Fury who was furiously talking into his phone, most likely to Coulson from the snippets she caught as he discussed Steve, and she took a deep breath, steeling herself and turning back to Tony.

“Okay, let’s get this over with.”

“That’s the spirit.” Tony smiled, dropping an arm round her shoulder.

As they headed into the corridor, Tony looked around, taking the surroundings in as they walked to the elevator.

“Do you remember my speech?” He asked as he hit the ground floor button. “At your wedding, I mean.”

“Of course I do.” Katie smiled “I remember yours, Steve’s Sam’s…Steve nearly died at Sam’s comment about being friends with Captain America doubling your chances of getting laid”

“Yeah, it was pretty funny, but mine was better.” Tony shrugged flippantly, and Katie rolled her eyes, snorting a little as the elevator doors closed.

 **Original Posting**

[davethot]

ALL 36 BARBIE MOVIES RANKED... WHY DID WE DO THIS

Please............. for the love of god view this list. Help us. We worked so fucking hard... and for what?

My roommate/best friend and I ( @kar-queen ) decided to watch ALL 36 BARBIE MOVIES and then rank them from worst to best. This adventure was inspired by the YouTube video by caitlovesdisney where she also ranked every single Barbie movie. However, we wanted to do our own list since some of her choices didn’t reflect what we thought. Her list was still so awesome and I respect anyone who decides to watch all these Barbie movies. We did this because of sheer curiosity and for the sake of very scientific research. 

We thought it would be fun at first. We really did. And it was? Kind of? Just, Jesus Christ. We can no longer see pink. I have night terrors about Barbie’s ugly ass animal friends. It truly was An Experience and has left us feeling dazed and like we never want to rank things ever again. We weren’t planning on posting a written out ranking of these movies anywhere (since we were just doing it for fun between us) but we wanted some physical evidence of our labor since this whole experience took 50 years off our lives. 

Under READMORE we will rank the 36 Barbie movies from WORST TO BEST (36 to 1). HOWEVER, THERE’S A TWIST. We are ALSO ranking them based on how GAY they were (and trust me, it yielded more results than you would originally think). That way we could both get through these movies by spicing things up a little bit. Hit readmore if you’re not a coward.

DISCLAIMER: Barbie is a staple for kids and overall teaches them that anyone (though more specifically girls/women) can do/be anything, which is extremely admirable. We have no issues with Barbie as a role model for kids and this list is all in good fun. However, we are going to point out things that either frustrated us or seemed downright harmful for kids to watch and take after. Clearly Mattel/Barbie has taken great and necessary steps to be more inclusive and progressive, especially in recent years compared to their older movies. 

ANOTHER MILD DISCLAIMER: In some of these movies Barbie’s character is not named Barbie, but we’re just going to call every main girl Barbie to keep things simple and easy. Just a warning. 

ANOTHER ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: This is going to be long since there are 36 movies. Even if you read all of this you will only feel a fraction of our pain. 

WITH THAT, LET’S START WITH SOME HOT GARBAGE. LET’S GO GAMERS. 

36. BARBIE IN PRINCESS POWER (2015)

Starting out with at the fucking bottom lads. My roommate and I were foaming at the fucking mouth watching this movie. It’s so hard to explain why this one pissed us off so much because it was nearly every single goddamn aspect of it. Here’s some bullet points to make this go by quickly and painlessly. 

- She’s a princess but then she ALSO gets super powers??? So she’s already extremely privileged, rich, and lives a comfortable lifestyle, but then she gets powers when A MAGICAL FAIRY BUTTERFLY KISSES HER CHEEK? LIKE LITERALLY JUST KISSES HER CHEEK AND BOOM SHE HAS POWERS. 

- Her powers are really fucking boring. All she has is super strength and she can fly. 

- She treats her best friends/side kicks like shit??? These poor girls (neither rich nor princesses) dote on this fucking girl and do everything for her behind the scenes while she sucks at being a super hero. It’s really infuriating. 

- There’s a side plot where she lets the fame get to her head. So, she starts snapping at everyone around her and just being overall a total bitch? Also her sister gets powers too and they like, fight over this said attention. Stupid. 

- At the end of the movie she apologizes to her sister, but never to her friends or the other people she walked all over? Absolutely infuriating. We don’t know how else to describe this film. Barbie was so rude and unaware of the kind of privilege she had and acted spoiled the entire time, which is why it’s ranked at the complete bottom. 

- Also there was a romantic interest, I think????? He was a reporter? Don’t remember his name. Doesn’t matter. They didn’t get together. Also the fashion and colors in this movie are horrendous. Like c’mon guys. 

Oh also how could we forget. GAYNESS RANK: Not gay at all. So aggressively heterosexual.

Also: We know that Barbie is usually a princess in all of these movies and usually we don’t really care, but this one was especially bad when it came to her acting so fucking privileged. I swear we’re not insane this one was just so bad when it came to that. 

35. BARBIE AND THE SECRET DOOR (2014)

This one isn’t going to be as long or intense as Princess Power (which literally had so much wrong with it that we barely covered any of it). This one was just so offensively ugly. And boring. And stupid. I hated it so much. 

This is also another one where she’s a princess and she whines about how her life is so hard? 

In the beginning, she talks about how all she does is lay around all day and read books, and then later sings a song about how she wishes she could lay around all day and read books? Like, we stan a bookworm queen, but she acts so ungrateful for her lifestyles and then never mentions liking to read again when the main adventure of the movie starts. Just overall dumb and boring. 

Also this is so fucking ugly. Did we mention that this movie is ugly?

I don’t know who approved of these backgrounds and colors but they’re just so hideous like it literally gives me a headache. 

GAYNESS RANK: Pretty heterosexual. Barbie doesn’t have a love interest which is kind of nice and the two girls she meets are cute friends, but not enough to be noteworthy when it comes to gay. 

34. BARBIE A PERFECT CHRISTMAS (2011)

For being centered around Christmas, this didn’t feel like a Christmas movie at all. It tried to follow the typical plot of “We had a great Christmas planned but then oh no! So many things went wrong! But in the end all that matters is that you’re with your family and that’s what Christmas is all about :)” but they somehow managed to fuck that up? This movie is so mean? Barbie’s sisters are awful to each other, and lash out multiple times, especially at the youngest sister. Even if they tried to make up at the end the whole film felt very mean-spirited for a Christmas movie. 

The message about family was lost when they were more concerned with streaming a band performance rather than spending time with each other. It just was not great overall and left a very sour taste in our mouths. Would not recommend to show a kid around Christmas. 

GAYNESS RANK: Not gay at all. Pretty heterosexual. Skipper (the brunette) kind of had this weird thing with her girl friend that lived in New York but it didn’t really go anywhere. Her friend was never shown on screen, anyway. 

Also the movies really fucking ugly. We’re not even going to mention the horrendous pink Christmas trees. You’re welcome. 

33. BARBIE MAGIC OF THE RAINBOW (2007) (also known as Fairytopia 3)

Being the 3rd movie in the Fairytopia series, it’s by far the worst. The portrayal of Barbie/the main character was very obnoxious and careless. She was automatically good at everything she did on the first try and it was honestly so unrealistic and didn’t teach a great message at all. 

It also just, like, had these fairies attend school? To strengthen their powers, I guess? It wasn’t really explained. Barbie was very mean to a another fairy and even if they made up at the end it didn’t feel genuine. I think they were just trying to milk this Fairytopia series for everything it was worth and I’m glad it stopped after this one. 

Her bf in this one wasn’t bad, though, he was pretty sweet. He could talk to animals which was charming. 

GAYNESS RANK: Mid-tier. Even though she fought with the one fairy they had a pretty intense rivalry thing going on, which was pretty gay. Even though she had a bf they kind of barely interacted since Barbie was so engrossed with the other fairy. A few gay points I guess. Though those few gay points get taken away when her annoying fluff ball Bibble gets an ugly fluff ball girlfriend. Stupid.

32. BARBIE IN A MERMAID TALE (2010)

Okay, like... I barely watched this one so my roommate took the fall. So, I’m going to quote them for this: “This one was just written badly, objectively. The pacing was horrendous. The story was very contrived. *long pause*....... That’s all.” 

Yeah I don’t have much to say about this one either. I remember Barbie being bitchy towards her friends and her guardian. When a magic dolphin asks her to help she’s just like “no, fuck you” for literally no reason at all? She surfs but it’s not even that cool, so... wasted potential.

GAYNESS RANK: There’s not nothing? Some potential. Her surfing buddies hang around and she hangs out with her mermaid friends as well. Other than that, though... :( (I promise there will be Barbie movies that are gay just wait) 

31. BARBIE AND HER SISTERS IN A PUPPY CHASE (2016)

This movie... is so strange. We hated it so much, but it was also kind of ironically hilarious??? This is the second movie in the “Barbie and her Sisters + Puppies” series (which are terrible) but this one was special in how awful it was. 

Barbie is SUCH AN IRRESPONSIBLE SISTER. So they go on vacation to some tropical island and Barbie’s youngest sister has a dance recital to practice for, but Barbie just straight up tells her to not practice?? LIKE??? BARBIE?!

They also end up fucking deserted on this island. Everything you can think of goes wrong for them. It’s honestly incredible. At one point they’re stranded outside in the rain only eating granola bars by a fire. Barbie tries to cheer them up by playing this STUPID game called “imagine if” where they just name things that they wish would happen??? 

Oh and at the end Barbies sister ends up winning her dance recital when her whole family and an entire entourage of animals dance with her on stage. Cause, like, yeah, that’s totally fucking fair to the other contestants. 

GAYNESS RANK: All of these Puppy movies are absolutely not gay at all bc it’s literally just Barbie and her sisters with some puppies. Don’t expect too much.  

30. BARBIE AND HER SISTERS IN THE GREAT PUPPY ADVENTURE (2015)

This is the first movie in the Sisters + Puppies series and it’s pretty much just as bad as the other one, but at least Puppy Chase was funny. This one is really boring. Also forgot to mention that the puppies talk. It’s very annoying and absolutely ruins the movies. 

This movie on the surface kind of has a charming premise where they all go on vacation to the countryside/the midwest and experience a lot of small town things, and yet it doesn’t feel very genuine? As someone from the midwest I can confirm. 

Barbie and her sisters go on this treasure hunt that apparently their grandfather died trying to solve, and yet they manage to solve it within a couple days? caitlovesdisney explains it pretty well in her video if you wanna hear more about Puppy Adventure. I know you’re just dying to know more about Puppy Adventure. 

GAYNESS RANK: Barbie at one point talks to another woman who isn’t one of her sisters. Super exciting stuff. 

29. BARBIE THE PRINCESS AND THE POPSTAR (2012) 

Okaaaaay, like....... this one made us really. really. mad. 

So we’ve already mentioned how Barbie acts super privileged in some of these movies, but this is the one that made us notice it. The basic premise is that there’s a princess (Barbie) and a popstar (Who Cares) and they want to switch lives. 

But the thing is they already live amazing lives? So the other Barbie film that this one borrows from (The Princess and the Pauper) loses its meaning and drama? Instead of a rich girl and poor girl trading lives, it’s just two rich girls switching lives. 

ALSO! There’s this side plot where, within the castle, they have this tree that can GROW DIAMONDS? AND THAT’S THE SOURCE OF THE KINGDOM’S WEALTH? AND YET, LATER IN THE MOVIE, THERE ARE POOR PEOPLE LIVING IN POVERTY. SO WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIAMOND TREE FOR?????

The only saving grace for this movie was that Barbie and the popstar were extremely gay. Like, having posters and pictures of each other in their rooms, gazing at each other dreamily from balconies, and subtly being very touchy-feely every time they’re together in person. That’s pretty much the only reason why it’s a bit higher than some of the others. 

GAYNESS RANK: One of the gayest ones. There are so many side glances and yearning. Shoulder touches and all that. We totally shipped these two by the end. In a different universe, in a better movie... these two could have been super cute together. 

28. BARBIE THE PEARL PRINCESS (2014)

Not much to say about this one. I hated it a lot more than my roommate did and I’m the one typing this all out sooooo I get the final say. I hate this movie so much. Barbie, once again, acted really privileged and was super unlikable. At one point she gets a job at a hair salon, which is kinda nice I guess? But then she’s automatically good at it without even trying? So... fuck off. 

Also there’s a seahorse with hair and it looked so ugly that I constantly wanted to cry. Please free me from the sleep paralysis demons that are the Barbie animal sidekicks. 

GAYNESS RANK: Nothing to report. The couple girls Barbie hangs out with were barely in the movie so there were no vibes. Sad. 

27. BARBIE IN ROCK N ROYALS (2015)

We’re getting to the mid-tier Barbie movies that we don’t have much to say about. My roommate and I just found the concept of this one to be really dumb? 

The outfits were very ugly and the singers were really bad. But there was a main character who was a black girl, which was really nice to see! They also went a little more punk than the typical frilly stuff which was nice to see. Not the worst but still ranked pretty low cause of the dumb premise and just being pretty boring overall. 

GAYNESS RANK: This one was decently gay, pretty mid-tier. Barbie had a great potential romance with the other main girl and the way they interacted was very sweet and cute. They both had male love interests but nothing really came of it which is kinda funny. Not too much going on but enough to get a mention. 

26. BARBIE PRINCESS CHARM SCHOOL (2011)

This was SO FRUSTRATING because it started out STRONG, but then crashed and burned really quickly. 

The movie starts out with Barbie working her ass off at a little diner to make ends meet at home. We see how her guardian can’t work and that she has a little sister and a home to support. It was really charming to see Barbie hustling to make money and felt so much more down-to-Earth than a lot of the other Barbie movies where she’s a princess and has everything she wants. 

Long story short, she wins this drawing to be enrolled in this Princess Charm School where you can learn to be royalty. In the end she finds out that she was the lost princess all along and then everything that was mentioned at the beginning is completely abandoned once this is found out. Just... super disappointing how a relatable Barbie depiction ends up being a princess all along :/

Also the fashion in this movie was super disappointing. They somehow managed to make preppy school girl outfits look bad. Sad. 

GAYNESS RANK: This one’s pretty much on the same level as Rock n Royals. There was some potential with Barbie and her friends but not much else. Next. 

25. BARBIE IN A MERMAID TALE 2 (2012)

Absolutely nothing to report. There’s some more surfing action in this one compared to the first one which is really nice. 

Imma be real with u chief... I barely remember what happens. She meets an Australian girl? She gets tricked by a French fish into transforming into a mermaid? Villain from the first movie comes back... Australian girl gets caught in a whirlpool... They save the day. 

There’s a pretty shitty part where the Australian girl wins the surfing competition but Barbie still somehow gets all the reporters’ attention and gets a sponsorship. It was sad and tbh we didn’t like that part. 

GAYNESS RANK: Gayer than most. Her and this girl have a rivalry which is pretty cute. They playfully tease each other while surfing all the time and tbh I could totally ship it. The Australian girl’s pretty spunky which is refreshing. Too bad her Australian accent was so obviously fake it was distracting. 

24. BARBIE FAIRYTOPIA (2005)

This one gets the award for the most boring Barbie movie. We both could not even try to bring ourselves to pay attention to this one, even if my roommate was nostalgic for it. Bibble was a highlight just cause we made fun of him the whole time but it was a short-lived high. That’s all. Here’s a creepy picture we found of the main character.

GAYNESS RANK: Barbie doesn’t have a love interest at all, which is like, a point... She hangs out with the blue fairy and they’re kinda cute. Not much else, though. 

23. BARBIE FAIRYTOPIA: MERMAIDIA (2006)

My roommate is really nostalgic for this one since they grew up with it, and yet they found it hard to pay attention at all. As did I. It was pretty boring. About a week went by after we watched this one and my roommate was trying to talk about it but I literally did not remember watching it until they showed me a picture of the ugly ass snail with huge lips and it jump scared me. You had to be there I guess. 

They were mermaids... Bibble was there... typical Barbie shit. This image pretty much perfectly describes how enthralling it was to watch this. 

GAYNESS RANK: Barbie and the blue mermaid are a little gay. The love interest was pretty funny and cute. He did have a thing for the blue mermaid so a couple gay points get deducted. 

22. BARBIE THE 12 DANCING PRINCESSES (2006) 

We know this one’s a classic, but we just found it to be very boring? I know this seems like a trend but we swear that we didn’t think all the Barbie movies are boring, it’s just the middle of the list. The dancing in this one was kind of nice and there was an interesting subplot where this lady was slowly poisoning their dad. 

The only thing that seemed silly was when they would stow away to the magical island... Like, why? The lady banned dancing but they could have just danced in their rooms. No one ever went in to check on them or they would have noticed they were gone anyway. So what the hell. 

Also Barbie and all of her other sisters looked exactly the same and it was hard to tell them apart. The love interest was pretty cute, though. 

GAYNESS RANK: Nothing, absolutely zippo. They’re all sisters and she had a nice romance with the guy so. 

21. BARBIE AND THE DIAMOND CASTLE (2008)

Gonna get this out of the way: There is basically nothing to report when it comes to the plot of this movie. Evil force upon the land. A villain. Animal sidekicks. Love interest/Ken who’s barely in the movie. Barbie defeats the evil and gets a new dress. THE END. BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT WE’RE HERE TO TALK ABOUT.

THIS MOVIE... IS SO GAY?

This was at the top of our gay Barbie list literally the entire time (until it was dethroned, but we’ll get to that later). This story LITERALLY revolves around Barbie and her “friend” who: live together in the same house, write songs together, dream about living in a mansion together, garden together, sing while gardening together... LIKE?? Holy shit, lesbian goals. 

At one point in the film they find two heart shaped rocks in the river and make them into necklaces, which they both wear to solidify their “friendship”. We are not making this up. This entire movie was comprised of us looking incredulously at each other every time they stared longingly at one another or mentioned how much they need each other. Evidence:

GAYNESS RANKING: Not gonna say it again. Top-tier gay. However, amazingly, not the gayest. We’ll get into that later. Regardless, we stan two beautiful lesbians living in the woods together where all they do is wear heart-shaped necklaces and sing songs about being rich one day. Amazing.

20. THUMBELINA (2009)

A Barbie movie with an environmental message, which is fine, I guess... Overall we just kinda found this movie annoying, but still a little bit better than other ones that were either insulting or just downright boring. Ferngully for babies? 

I... Wish I could say more. I’m sorry. It’s fine if you were going to show it to a kid, I guess. We also thought this one was kinda ugly as well. 

GAYNESS RANK: There are the two friends and we got no vibes. Absolutely zippo. Next. 

19. BARBIE MARIPOSA AND HER BUTTERFLY FAIRY FRIENDS (2008)

Another one where we just don’t have much to say? We’re now entering the “fine” category. I wouldn’t be really mad if someone made me rewatch it, but I wouldn’t be happy with it either. 

Barbie is also a bookworm in this one, but it’s done a lot better than Secret Door. It’s kind of nice how she’s considered an outcast in this one and has to work through that. Her love interest (Carlos, we remembered his name!) was funny and brought life to the movie. Overall pretty okay!

The bunny sidekick was kind of ugly, though. Can’t win in every category.

GAYNESS RANK: Has some promising potential, but doesn’t really deliver. Disappointing but not awful. 

18. BARBIE MARIPOSA AND THE FAIRY PRINCESS (2013)

This one is a lot better than the first! Surprisingly, this movie deals racism in a way that is easily digestible for children while also not making light of the issue. It’s not perfect, but we found it to do its job pretty well. 

It centers around Barbie meeting a princess (Barbie isn’t a princess for once, yay!) and while the two want to be friends, the princess is a crystal wing fairy and Barbie is a butterfly wing fairy, so the princesses father objects to them being friends. 

Also great time to mention that this was the second gayest Barbie movie for many many many reasons. And trust us, topping Diamond Castle is no easy feat. 

First of all, there are SEVERAL scenes where the crystal fairy princess is completely disinterested in what’s going on but, as soon as Barbie walks in, she gets really excited and gives her her full attention. It’s EXTREMELY cute. 

Second, there’s a Beauty and the Beast esque scene where the crystal fairy gives Barbie an entire library of books, since she remembers that she loves books. They also proceed to bond over what kind of books they like and watching them geek out over that is adorable. 

Third, they sneak off to a cave so that they can hang out without the crystal fairy’s father (the king) finding them. They then go to skip rocks on a lake and the ripples make rainbows. They also dance together at a ball, and there is just so much lingering eye contact and small touches. They’re cute and we ship. 

GAYNESS RANK: ALMOST top of the list. SUPER close. Not quite there, though. We weren’t expecting this one to be as gay as it was since it was a sequel movie, but thank god it was. 

17. BARBIE VIDEO GAME HERO (2017)

This... is a weird one? The basic plot is that Barbie is a programmer who makes video games. She gets sucked into a video game and they need her help to rid the game of viruses. We’re really conflicted about this movie so this will benefit from some good ol fashioned bullet points. 

- It’s really cool that Barbie’s a programmer and likes to play video games, and she’s not a princess! It was very nice and modern of them to include a story like this. Very refreshing after 30 or so Barbie movies that revolve around her being a princess.

- There’s a lot of side characters who join Barbie on her quest, but none of them are interesting or memorable...

- The art style changes between “levels”, and while a cute idea, they don’t take advantage of it enough! There are only three art style changes in the whole movie, and two out of the three are really ugly. 

- There is so much Just Dance product placement in this movie. It’s cringe. 

- The plot of this movie literally... makes no sense? They say that once Barbie wins the level, the viruses attacking that said level will be destroyed, but throughout the movie every time she wins they still don’t stop??? So that’s why she had to have a bunch of characters follow her around so they wouldn’t get attacked by viruses? SO WHAT IS SHE WINNING THE LEVELS FOR?

- This movie was probably the most baby out of all of them. While there’s nothing wrong with that, it was kind of a shock after we were watching all the other Barbie films, which are more targeted towards children to tweens. This one felt like it was for toddlers. 

- Overall this movie wasn’t bad, just very strange. Would maybe recommend? Fine for your kid to watch if they want something casual and fun that involves a girl gamer. Gamers rise up. 

GAYNESS RANK: No gay vibes at all, which is not a total epic gamer moment. Probs because this movie was very very baby so the vibes were nonexistent. Too bad since Barbie met up with a lot of cute girls. Gaymer oppression never ends :(. Press F.

16. BARBIE DOLPHIN MAGIC (2017)

We did it lads. We found The Gayest Barbie Movie that has Ever Existed.

Before we get to that, though, I hate to admit that this is one of the Barbie’s Sisters + Puppies movies, but it’s kind of hilarious because in this one they completely remove the puppies talking. I guess someone smartened up and realized that that was stupid and dumb. Thank god for them because it made the movie infinitely better. 

Plot is simple: Barbie and her sisters are on vacation and while they’re visiting the most boring man on Earth (Ken), an emerald dolphin gets trapped by an evil marine biologist who wants to sell the dolphin for money. Then a mermaid named Isla (yes we remember her name because she’s incredible) goes to save the dolphin with the help of Barbie (with minimal contributions from the others). 

I know we raved about how Fairy Princess was very gay, but just......... wow......... The difference between this and fairy princess is that Dolphin Magic literally has an entire scene dedicated to Barbie and Isla swimming together very closely with ethereal music, littered with cute giggling, lingering shoulder touches, and extended eye contact. Oh, also can’t forget the hand holding.

Don’t forget about the necklaces they give each other so that they can stay connected with each other no matter where they are in the world. There’s even a scene at the end where Isla mentions how Barbie kept trying to contact her multiple times off-screen, only validating Barbies insane girl crush on Isla. 

This may or may not be photoshopped but tbh I don’t give a damn. 

GAYNESS RANK: The gayest Barbie movie. These two were so adorable throughout the entire movie and we couldn’t even get into everything that made it so charming. There were many scenes where Isla was learning how to act like a human that were so sweet and endearing. Great Barbie movie if you’re looking for something sweet with some obvious lesbians. Go team. 

15. BARBIE NUTCRACKER (2001)

We had a lot to say about Dolphin Magic since it was gay, but now we’re getting back into the “it’s fine” category with Nutcracker. 

This movie is sweet and it’s pretty hard to fuck up a Nutcracker adaptation. There wasn’t a ton of ballet which was a little disappointing? They also didn’t play the whole soundtrack and stuck a lot of the good songs right at the end, which was odd. Our only real complaint was it kind of wasted its potential and it was slightly boring. 

Other than that, it’s a sweet Christmas movie if anyone really likes Barbie and the Nutcracker. My roommate grew up on the Nutcracker so regardless it can be pretty nostalgic for some. 

Also, Barbie is beautiful in this movie. 

GAYNESS RANK: There literally is not another female for Barbie to interact with in this movie. There were a couple guys who could have possibly given off vibes but we felt nothing so. 

14. BARBIE A FASHION FAIRYTALE (2010)

If there’s anything to say about this one, it’s definitely... interesting. 

So in this universe, Barbie is an actress, and she plays herself in a bunch of pre-existing Barbie movies (many of which that have already been mentioned on this list). It’s extremely meta and a little confusing???

Barbie basically gets fired from her job, Ken dumps her, and she goes to find herself in Paris with her fashion designer aunt. The most interesting thing we can really say about this movie is describing the beginning, because that was the best part by far. 

It’s also revealed that Ken did not actually dump her, so there’s a really charming side plot where Ken travels all the way from LA to Paris to sort it all out in person through a spontaneous act of romance. 

Ken ABSOLUTELY makes this movie. We quote him a lot when we’re just hanging out in the apartment. He is so cute and funny and loves Barbie so much, it’s adorable. Absolutely worth the watch to see a true himbo in action. 

Also, Ken and Barbie kiss at the end and we’re p sure this is the only movie where Barbie actually kisses any of her love interests. Fuck yeah. 

GAYNESS RANK: There’s no gayness, but that’s okay, because the romance between Barbie and Ken is adorable. I never want anything to get between these two :’)

13. BARBIE IN A CHRISTMAS CAROL (2008)

Not much more to say about this one other than it’s a Christmas Carol but with Barbie. It was interesting to see Barbie in a “Scrooge” role where she has to relearn how to be caring and kind. It was pretty down to Earth and felt very Christmas-y and festive. 

There was a very sweet plot of Barbie reconnecting with a girl she used to sing with as they were growing up. It was also interesting to see that while Barbie was growing up, her family would force her to practice singing rather than letting her go outside and live a normal life. This made Barbie feel a little more down-to-Earth. 

Sorry, we don’t really know what else to say. It’s fine. The cat is very ugly, though. 

GAYNESS RANK: There’s a scene at the end, after Barbie reconnects with her friend, where she’s holding her hands and giggling a lot. It was really cute to see them be friends and to be excited about the holidays together. A couple gay points were deducted since her friend did have a love interest, though.

12. BARBIE AND THE THREE MUSKETEERS (2009)

Not gonna lie, this one was a little... disappointing? We were really excited for this one since it’s a lot of people’s favorite, and the concept of Barbie being a musketeer (and not a princess :)) is exciting and fresh. 

The beginning of this movie was great!! Seeing Barbie practicing in the barn with her animals was just really sweet. She was wearing a cute outfit with pants a vest and the HAT. 

Though, as it went on, it started to drop off for us. The reveal of the musketeers at the end was really underwhelming, and we thought the outfits were a let down compared to Barbie’s earlier outfit in the movie. 

Other than those things, this movie was fun!! Watching all the girls be badass and learn how to fight with their unique weapons was awesome. Watching them team up was really satisfying. The prince guy was also pretty sweet. We would recommend watching this, esp if you remember it being your favorite.

GAYNESS RANK: Has a lot of gay energy!! There are a few scenes where people are outwardly sexist towards her and yet she strives to prove them wrong. When she meets the other girls, they are coached by this old lady who can kick ass. Even though it could have been gayer it was a good time.

11. BARBIE A FAIRY SECRET (2011)

Some people may be mad that we put this above Three Musketeers... whoops. 

Anyway this movie solely exists to give us more Amazing Ken content. This movie takes place in the same universe as Fashion Fairy Tale, so it’s the same Barbie and Ken from that movie. 

Our only complaint is that they took the domestic feel of Fashion Fairy Tale and turned it into something that had so much unnecessary magic?? Though at the same time we got A Vibe from this movie that the creators just wanted to make something silly, and it worked.

Ken is HILARIOUS in this movie, even better than Fashion Fairy Tale. Even though everyone turns into a fairy, the wings that they give Ken are small and pink and he can barely fly with them. It’s just so... funny? He also... mock-fights this other buff fairy guy?? Idk this movie is really hard to explain, sorry. We would definitely recommend this even if just for Ken. 

GAYNESS RANK: Ken is a himbo so he automatically attracts the lesbian crowd. There’s also a plot with Barbie where she makes up with this girl who had been mean to her for the longest time, but it’s done in a way that just feels... really gay? Or at least the girl is kinda gay and Barbie doesn’t exactly realize (since she’s in a committed relationship with Ken). This movie feels like it would be more appealing to gay people rather than being gay itself.

10. BARBIE AS THE PRINCESS AND THE PAUPER (2004)

A lot of people are probably going to be surprised that this isn’t in our top 5, but we want to stress that this movie is good!! These top 10 Barbie movies are getting into the territory where we would absolutely recommend them because they are cute and fun, and this is exactly that!

The songs in this movie are great! However, we do have to be a little bitter towards it since this started the trend of musical Barbie movies, and many of them are shitty and bad compared to this. 

The villain of this movie....... *chefs kiss* We also quote him constantly. 

This is an example of a Barbie movie where she’s a princess but it’s very endearing and done well. She rarely comes off as spoiled. She’s very smart and brave, and we see this through her actions rather than the movie just obnoxiously telling us that she is. Also the romance between the pauper and the king was very sweet. 

GAYNESS RANK: While this was a great set-up to be gay, it doesn’t follow through. We’re not bitter about it, though, since their love interests were very sweet. Pretty straight of them to have their cats fall in love, though :/

9. BARBIE AS THE ISLAND PRINCESS (2007)

When we first watched this one, we thought it was extremely boring and we were going to put it kind of low, but the more we thought about it we realized that it really did have a great plot.

They brought Barbie to civilization from her deserted island and people start getting sick, so they’re blaming Barbie for bringing diseases when in reality it’s the villain using rats to poison people’s food. Also, it was so charming and interesting to see Barbie’s love interest want to be an adventurer, and he had so much more personality than a lot of other Barbie Princes. While he’s not on Ken’s level, he was so sweet. 

All in all this one definitely had one of the tightest plots with great characters that really endears you to them. It’s a little slow but def worth the watch.

GAYNESS RANK: One of the least gay ones... Not mad though, the love interests were great. The peacock was kinda gay so... love wins. 

8. BARBIE OF SWAN LAKE (2003)

People will ALSO be surprised that this one is so low compared to other people’s Barbie movie lists. Please, trust us, we’re not crazy, it’s just... when you’ve watched 30+ other Barbie movies the initial charm of this kind of wears off. We both are very nostalgic for this movie and yet that couldn’t even bump it into the top 5. 

A couple things we can praise: The toys were AMAZING, Barbie’s dress is BEAUTIFUL and ICONIC, the dancing and music were very gorgeous. The dancing in this movie was mocapped from real ballet dancers, so, very nice.

But... the forest animals were kind of annoying? Their outfits were kind of cute but they were still annoying? The villain’s daughter’s VOICE was just... HORRENDOUS. With the villain in Princess and the Pauper, the guy’s voice was comical but it didn’t completely take you out of the movie. This chick, however, was being so over dramatic that it wasn’t even ironically funny, it was very cringey... Just bad voice acting all around. 

Also this movie was a lot more boring than we remember. 

REGARDLESS OF ALL OF THAT, this is a CLASSIC Barbie movie and we would still recommend checking it out at least once (and rewatching if you haven’t seen it since you were a kid). 

GAYNESS RANK: Nothing gay to report. Next.

7. BARBIE IN THE PINK SHOES (2013)

Another... strange one. 

So Barbie is a ballet dancer about to do a performance and when her shoes break down, she goes into a store room and finds a pair of pink ballet shoes. When she puts them on, she and her friend are teleported into this alternate dimension??? Where all ballets ever are happening at the same time??? And she’s the main lead for all of them?? At once?? And there’s this ice queen villain who controls people by making them dance???????

This was the first Barbie movie we watched (we put them all in a wheel and let that decide our fate) and it sure did set the tone. 

Plot doesn’t matter though, we need to talk about... Them. Only Pink Shoes fans will understand. 

So, there are these two guys... and they’re just like... really gay??? They inspired us to apply a gay ranking to these Barbie movies, if that tells you anything. One in a prince and the other is a commoner/hunter. There are so many scenes where it cuts away from Barbie to focus on these two playfully bantering with each other (enemies to lovers 100k slowburn)? The hunter guy teaches the other how to shoot a bow and arrow by touching him and guiding him into the right position? There’s also a scene where they meet back up with Barbie, but they only have two horses, so instead of Barbie riding with one of them they ride with each other and give her her own horse??? Respect women juice...

They also show up at the end just... together? (in real life not in the... Pink Shoes dimension) and it’s not explained what they’re doing together or even what their relationship is (friendship or otherwise). It truly was bizarre. 

GAYNESS RANK: This was on top for quite awhile since it was the first movie we watched. Unfortunately de-throned by Diamond Castle when we got around to it, but we still STAN these himbos. 

6. BARBIE AND HER SISTERS IN A PONY TALE (2013)

I... okay hear us out...

This movie is bad. Like, objectively it’s very very bad. It’s a baby movie, a Barbie and her sisters movie, it’s a horse girl movie, on top of everything... and yet... 

We probably had the most fun watching this one, like, we were glued to the fucking screen. We cried laughing multiple times because it was just so charmingly bad. 

Plot isn’t important, since my roommate and I keep forgetting what the real plot is. We only care about the British boys from the rivaling stable and how they just breeze in and out and run away on their horses laughing like frenchmen... even though they’re British. One of them uncannily resembles Malfoy from hp and is a sidekick to the main guy, it’s a little weird. 

There are also these two British kids and the girl is super weird? Like weird girl representation for real. Also there’s this Phillipe guy who was so fucking funny to listen to. Here’s Phillipe, you’re welcome.

Fuck you I’m not resizing the image. 

Oh also Barbie finds a magic horse with a pink mane. Phillipe wants to like, kill her for it, I guess. Yeah. 

GAYNESS RANK: While super fucking funny, not a lot of gay. It makes up for it with the mere presence of Phillipe. 

5. BARBIE AND THE MAGIC OF PEGASUS (2005)

This and the next entry are both tied for 4th place since it was extremely hard to choose between the two. We were both nostalgic for this and the next entry, but we were also really excited to find out that both of these are great movies!

So me personally, I was a horse girl growing up, and I ADORED this movie. I didn’t think it would be so good upon rewatch, but it actually was! The plot was pretty tight, the villain was fun, it felt like a genuine fairytale, the characters were cute and fun, and Barbie was intelligent and resourceful! 

Check this one out if you haven’t seen it, but now we’re going to talk about one of the best aspects of this movie, which is Barbie’s love interest. 

Unlike every single other Barbie bf, the love interest in this one (named Aiden) was literally almost a better character than Barbie herself. For the first time EVER they decided to give a Barbie love interest a BACKSTORY. And, like, a GOOD backstory. It made him feel like a real person and his story pulled at your heartstrings. 

Also, him and Barbie do not automatically get along, and for a decent amount of time they have witty banter with one another. It really lets their characters shine through the movie and was SO refreshing. 

We could rave about Aiden all day, but you guys should just go watch it for yourself, it really is worth it!

GAYNESS RANK: Not gay at all, but fine since the romance is so great. Moving on!

4. BARBIE AS RAPUNZEL (2002)

This movie is just... good. And not even good for a Barbie movie, it’s just a well-written movie overall! The plot was tight and remained interesting without being too complicated, either. Barbie’s animals were also pretty charming (even if the rabbit is ass ugly, but it’s 2002, they get a pass) and likable compared to other Barbie sidekicks. The dragon even has a little arc of her own??? Hell yeah. 

Don’t really have to explain the plot, it’s Rapunzel. The only difference is that she has a magical paintbrush that can teleport her to places that she paints, which helps the story progress. 

It also really did feel like Barbie was in mortal danger, which is so unlike every other Barbie movie. I was really glad to have grown up with this movie being my first exposure to Rapunzel, since I believe it’s a great introduction to her (and the toys were awesome, lol). This was another movie where Barbie being a princess was really great and charming since it felt earned since she went through hard times. 

Okay, like, we literally cannot go any further without mentioning something, stay with us...

In the movie, there’s, like, this weasel/ferret thing that belongs to the villain. He’s basically an animal villain, or whatever. 

I don’t really know how else to say this other than there’s this scene where he asks the villain to give him the rabbit and he outright just... moans????? The voice actor just... lets it out. It literally sounds like he’s getting a hand job in the recording booth in the middle of the line and just lets it all out and they kept that shit in, and then animated it???? 

We really wish we could include a video exclusively of that scene, but the best we can do is just link the video and give you a time stamp (37:49). PLEASE watch it. We have been quoting it every single day since we watched the damn movie.

GAYNESS RANK: No gay. Nothing to report. Barren. Probably the least gay. 

3. BARBIE SPY SQUAD (2016)

All due respect to the original queen caitlovesdisney, but like, she’s wrong about Spy Squad. Listen. 

This movie was SO MUCH FUN. We were literally just glued to the screen and having a great time watching these three girls chase after this cute af phantom thief chick??? They had tons of cops-and-robbers dialogue with her and it was just... FUN. Almost like a thriller, tbh. 

caitlovesdisney did make a great point in her video when she mentioned that they were actually pretty bad at being spies, and we can totally see why this would be super frustrating to people if they were watch. However, my roommate and I didn’t mind? We thought it was charming that they weren’t automatically great at something and that they had to practice a ton to get better. So much more refreshing compared to other Barbie stories. 

The elephant in the room, though... we have to talk about Lazlo. 

Barbie’s friend (Theresa) has the cutest fucking romance with the boy who builds all their spy equipment throughout the movie. They’re both really nerdy, but they don’t shove it down your throat and act annoying about it? It literally just comes up in casual conversation between the two of them and they just have fun talking about things they like. It was so fucking cute and it made the movie that much better. 

GAYNESS RANK: This movie is REALLY REALLY... APPEALING to gay people, even though it’s not really gay itself. The phantom thief, the spy outfits, all the girls riding motorcycles, the leather, the cool spy equipment... It just felt like it would appeal to a lot of gay people (and it did, cause we fuckin liked it). This movie is good. Please watch it and don’t let its low ranking on other lists dissuade you. We are right and they are wrong. 

2. THE BARBIE DIARIES (2006)

Before yall say anything, we know that this movie is fucking ugly. We clowned on some of the other movies for being ugly but this one truly takes the ugly cake. 

HOWEVER, that did not prevent this movie from being good. We fucking loved it. 

FIRST OF ALL, Barbie is in high school???? Which was so fresh to see???? There’s no magic, no princesses. It’s literally just a down-to-Earth teen drama movie involving Barbie, her friends, a love interest, and some mean girls. 

This had a really interesting plot that was actually kind of... complicated???? Dare I say??? We’re not stupid. There was just so much going on involving couples breaking up and getting back together, Barbie changing her motivations, how her friends react to what she’s doing, just... so much.

The only real criticism we have of this one is that the apology in this one was pretty rushed and didn’t feel Barbie’s friends should have forgiven her so easily for the shit she did. Other than that, though, this was a pretty great teen drama that I would highly recommend. I would definitely watch this one again, regardless of how ugly it is. 

GAYNESS RANK: Barbie had a clear love interest with a guy that was super sweet (sorry we didn’t mention him but he’s one of the better love interests, love u Kev) but mean girl teen drama is always a little gay? Plus how she would go back and forth between social circles was interesting. Also her and her friends are in a band, which is always cool and appealing to the gays, at least. 

1. BARBIE STARLIGHT ADVENTURE (2016)

We did it. We made it to the end. If there’s even one person who read this at all I would thank you but... you’ve lost along with us. BUT AT LEAST WE GET TO TELL YOU ABOUT STARLIGHT ADVENTURE. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This movie came out NOWHERE and fucking PUNCHED US IN THE FACE. When the wheel picked this one, we were starting to get burned out, and thought that since this was a newer Barbie movie it wouldn’t be very good. Boy, were we fucking wrong. 

This movie is so INTERESTING and HANDS DOWN has the best portrayal of Barbie as a character. This took such an interesting perspective on space travel, sci-fi, a slightly dystopian YA setting... it has so much going on but never feels like too much. 

Can we just start with how GORGEOUS this movie looks and how CUTE Barbie’s design is?!

She’s wearing a VEST and PANTS!!!!! FUCK YES. 

Anyway, the plot: She lives with her dad on this deserted planet, and she takes care of the animals, while also riding a hoverboard competitively. She’s contacted by some galactic king to join a team and fix the alignment of the stars? (sorry if it’s not exactly right lol its 4am). When accepting, she also meets this girl that she had been competing with at hoverboard competitions, and they develop a really sweet friendship with each other and a few other friends/teammates. 

Unlike the other Barbie movies, we kind of understand why everyone else looks up to Barbie as a leader figure. She makes decisions confidently and goes through so much character development. Even the villain goes through a sort of redemption arc, and it’s done fairly well!!! This is so much different from other Barbie movies. 

This feels like it could be, like, a legitimate movie that could be played in theaters rather than a straight-to-DVD Barbie movie. The animation in this was GORGEOUS, like miles better than 99% of the other movies. Plus, cute animal sidekick (FINALLY). 

We can’t gush about this enough, people should be made aware of this movie. It’s completely worth your time. IT’S ALSO ON NETFLIX. 

GAYNESS RANK: This is another one that’s moreso appealing to gay people rather than being gay itself. However, Barbie and the other girl that rides the hoverboard have a few really gay scenes, such as meeting up in a garden late at night and riding around. They giggle and laugh with each other and have a deep conversation about life and shit while staring up at the (gorgeously animated) sky. That def gets some points. 

That’s it those are all the 36 Barbie movies ranked based off of nothing but pure............................ hubris? Stupidity? Pride? I don’t know. I’m so sorry. We fucking hated watching most of these. 

Except for Starlight Adventure.... You can stay.