#'at some point you should just write your own original stuff' do you KNOW how much work that is for someone who's writing casually????????

[scare-ard--sleigh]

i have something to say and it is not nice: 

that post going around that’s like ‘if you can alter your fic and get it published as something original, it wasn’t good fic and it isn’t good original work’ really underestimates the power of like ummmm writing lmao 

[paganinpurple]

AO3 Etiquette -UPDATED

Based on both decent and not so decent replies, I have made some changes to my original post below.

It would seem a whole new kind of AO3 reader/writer is emerging and it is becoming clear not everyone quite understands how the website community works. Here is some basic guidance on how most people expect you to go about using AO3 to keep this a fun community archive that funtions correctly:

As well as likes, kudos is for when the story was interesting enough to make you finish reading. If it sucked or was badly written, you probably left. If you finished it, you liked it - so kudos.

If you really liked it, you should try to comment. It can be long and detailed or a literal keysmash. Writers don't care, we just love comments.

No critisism unless the author has specifically asked or agreed to hear it (so use your notes to say if you want some constructive feedback). Even constructive critisism is a no-no unless an author note tells you it's okay. No, posting it online is not an open invitation for that. Many people write as a fun hobby or a way to cope with, among other things, insecurity and just want to share. Don't ruin that for them. I've seen so many authors just stop writing coz they can't handle the negative emotions the critism brings, and it's only meant to be a fun thing shared for free (pointing out tagging errors is not included in this).

Do not comment to ask the author to write/update something else. It's tacky and off-putting and will probably have the opposite effect than the one you want.

There is no algorithm, it's an archive. Use the search and filter function to add/remove the pairings/characters/tropes etc. you want to read about and it will find you the fics that fit the bill.

For this to work, writers must tag and rate stories. This avoids readers finding the wrong things and missing the stuff they want. I don't care how cringy that trope is in your eyes - it gets tagged.

The tag exception is if you don't want to tag a million things or spoil your story, you can rate it as "chose not to use warnings," and maybe tag the bare minimum.

Don't censor tags. How can someone exclude a tag if the word isn't typed out correctly? There are no content bans for terms so don't censor them.

If the tags are mostly content/trigger warnings, especially if they are things considered very fucked up or graphic, you might want to use "dead dove - do not eat" to ensure people know that you're not messing around with tags and what they get is exactly what you've warned them about.

Character A/Character B means a ROMANTIC or SEXUAL relationship of some kind. Character A&Character B is PLATONIC, like friendship or family.

Nothing is banned. This is an rule because banning one thing is a slipperly slope to banning another and another, until nothing is allowed anymore. Do not expect anyone to censor for you. Because of the tags system, you are responsible for your own reading experience.

People can create new chapters and sequels/fic series any time after they "complete" a story. So it's considered perfectly normal to subscribe, even to a finished story. You can even subscribe to the author instead just to cover your bases.

Do not repost stories or change the publishing date without an extremely good reason (like a complete top to bottom rewrite or an exchange youve written for going public). It's an archive, not social media. No one cares what's the most recent, only what fits their tag needs.

Instead of deleting a story you wrote if you hate it - consider making it anonymous or orphaning it so others can still enjoy it, without it being connected to your name anymore. If you still want to delete it, fair enough.

It's come to my attention that metaworks ARE allowed on AO3, which is something I wasn't aware of. So if you do post an essay or theory, please tag it as such so others can choose to search for it or exclude it. Art is also allowed.

The only reason this archive works is because NON ONE PROFITS. Do not link to your ko-fi or patreon or mention monetary gain in any way or you violate the terms and risk having your account removed. If anyone does link, it leaves the archive open to people claiming it's for profit and having the whole thing removed.

I KNOW there's plenty more I missed but I'm trying to cover most of the basics that people seem to be struggling with.

I invite anyone to add to this, but please explain, don't berate.

[moonstruckme]

Hii how are u? i'm feeling kinda anxious today so can i request a poly!marauders or just remus where they/he comfort r because she's scared about the future please?

this is like a personal request because i'm in my 20s and i know i should find a job and i want to but i'm terrified bc i don't like to interact with new people😭 and every single night when i reflect on my future i just get so scared and anxious and i hate i was born like this because my younger sisters are more outgoing than me and they have no problems but i just feel kind of pathethic yk🫠 SORRY FOR VENTING IN UR BOX IT'S JUST BC I LOVE YOUR WRITING BUT FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THISIF YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE🙏😖

Hi lovely, don't be sorry! I'm sorry you're so anxious. Wishing you the best and thanks for requesting <3

cw: anxiety

Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 483 words

Remus lets his hand lay heavy on your head, thumb stroking your temple while hot tears carve paths across your face to dampen your pillow. He’s better than you would be, brown eyes watching you patiently from the pillow next to yours. He knows you need to cry it out.

“I hate seeing you so wound up over this,” he murmurs once you’ve calmed. His thumb is still moving steadily over your skin. “You’re making it ten times worse in your head, lovely girl.” 

You make a hum of dissent, and despite your exhaustion another tear dribbles onto the bridge of your nose. “There’s no way around it,” you say, whispering to avoid a squeak in your voice. “I can’t just never talk to people.” 

“But you don’t have to do it all at once.” There’s a slight indent in Remus’ forehead, but aside from that his face is gentle and kind. He believes in you. “We can take baby steps, work up to the scary stuff.” 

“I can’t.” You sound pathetic to your own ears, but Remus only tsks.

“Yeah you can, dove. You can talk to people, and meet new ones, I know you can.” He shifts his head slightly on the pillow, waiting until you look at him. “You met me.” 

Your lips give a tug. That was easy. James had practically forced the two of you together. “You’re nice, though,” you say, “and quiet. You were never hard to talk to.” 

Remus gives you a fond look. “There are other nice and quiet people out there.” 

“Not like you.” 

He rolls on top of you, groaning in a shoddy attempt to cover his amusement. “Perhaps not,” he allows, and when you sigh he imitates it sympathetically, dropping his chin to your chest. “Still, some might come close. Not everyone is rude and loud.” 

“I’ve seen no evidence to the contrary.” You pick up a piece of hair from over his ear, curling it around your finger. “Look at Sirius.” 

“If Sirius represents humanity, then we’re all fucked.” He turns his head to kiss the inside of your wrist. You’re trying to distract from the original topic, and Remus knows it. “You make a good point, dove. If you can handle Sirius, talking to anyone else will be a breeze.” 

You look away, sulky. Remus chuckles. He reaches up to scratch lightly at your scalp. “Let me help you with the small things,” he bargains, voice downy-soft and soothing, “and when you’re ready for the bigger stuff, I’ll be there with a hug for after. Okay?” 

Your sigh is hefty enough to ruffle the ends of his hair. “You can’t just come with me and hold my hand?” you ask, only partly teasing. 

Remus’ smile shows he can tell. “Afraid not, sweetheart, but don’t worry. You’re braver than you think. I know you can do just fine on your own.”

[sugardolle]

my new routine to life. 💋

how i get everything i want + succeed. 🎀

first off i don’t use subliminals neither do i participate in affirmation challenges. i use to but i grew to feel that it’s unnecessary. on my account you won’t see neither of those.

i know about affirmations, i know about non dualism, i know about states. however something about all of this did not sit right with me idc, my brain didn’t like it. all of this information and you’re bound to be confused especially with the arguments about what and what, literally for weeks. people take “do what works for you” for granted.

i didn’t throw all of these ideas and concepts away however i shaped tf out of them to fit what feels right with me, and that’s what a lot of people don’t do, hence all of these arguments for no reason ! a bunch of mad people and for what.

a @/nazdoll.e original post ( insta ).

ONE ) i know that what i want will show up for me now or what society called the future. time doesn’t exists to me, my future is my present and so is my past. manifesting on a time crunch doesn’t exist either in my book. because if i already had it, is it really a time crunch? you can’t want something so bad for it just to not show up. when you know you have this much power, whatever you want can’t not show up for you. it’s bound to at this point.

TWO ) when something isn't 'showing' up, it isn't because of me. because i know once i become aware that this thing exist in my life at some point of "time." knowing time does NOT exist. it exists now. i can easily decide on when to have it. just because i became aware of that fact. and for two; the 4D & 3D are the same exact thing. they can't exist separately it's one complete thing. so whatever it is that i want it has no choice but to show up.

THREE ) i can't fix a broken person, i'm not their momma nor a therapist. i feel like a lot of ppl should hear this! i will never take my train of thought, etc., to 'manifest' back dirt ass people !when i can use that energy to put a better person into my life that didn't fuck me over the first time. cause friendship wise i thought about it before but i thought to myself do i need this past energy in my life again?' like nooo. it’s a fresh breath of air manifesting someone new and i find it more comfortable and easier. i’m too good to do myself dirty.

FOUR ) life is effortless once you know you have zero limits, and become aware that you are in control of your own limits ! i promise just sit down one day & close your eyes and become aware of the fact that you can control the limit(s) that you think you have. you can literally erase it.

FIVE ) my mindset has no labels. if it seems correct to me, i will take this and that and follow it. what most of us need to do is relearn and go back to the "basics". the first thing we learned that got us to wherever we are now. it helped me so much, and got rid of any clutter in my mind.. with the information i have, i know i got hella options and so it was just a big spot of ink in my mind. i threw away some stuff and kept some.

i’m now one of those one people who just write down what they want and decide that i have it. fuck a state, fuck an affirmation, that’s literally how it is. obviously i’m educated about those things but i don’t take up all of my time trying to “get in a state” or “how long should i saturated for?”

if you can’t be a spoiled brat about what you want then i don’t know what to tell you. because that’s what it basically it is. 🎀

signing off — vixendolle ( kaydolle ). 🍭 ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ ʚɞ ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

[junos-office-drama]

Love that fic, but having trouble expressing that love in a comment? Worried that you're leaving the same comments over and over?

Here are 40 comment ideas!

Keyboard Smash. Bonus points for a mix of uppercase and lowercase. End with a brief compliment: "Love it!" "So good!" "Amazing!" "This is my everything!"

Emoji string. Go as long as you feel appropriate. Throw in some 🔥 for good measure.

Quote a phrase, sentence, or passage that resonated with you, and explain why. "I love this description." "This is such beautiful language." "This metaphor is so brilliant." "This is the perfect way to describe [character/thing]."

Ask the author what inspired them to write such an incredible story. (Most authors dream of these types of comments.)

Share how the fic made you feel as you read it. Were you scared for a character? Were you cheering on your favorite? Did that smut make you all hot and bothered?

Thank the author. Bonus if you can thank them for something specific: Sharing this amazing work, introducing this awesome character, creating this cool AU, etc.

Identify your favorite character in the fic, and explain why they're your favorite.

Any indication that you're so in love with a work you literally want to eat it. My personal favorite that I've received is "I want to shove this in my mouth like an entire oreo," but "I want to print this out and stuff it in my face" and "This fic is like an amazing five-course meal, every bite is delicious!" are also winners.

For a multi-chapter fic, any version of "Wow, this keeps getting better and better!" This can really help keep an author motivated, especially if they've been focused on one longfic for a while. Longfics tend to have diminishing engagement over time, so commenting on later chapters is especially meaningful.

Tell the author that something in their fic is your "emotional support [thing]." Bob is my emotional support character, this is my emotional support fic, etc.

Tag it as if it were a social post, with all the hashtags it makes you think of. #myfavoritefic #incrediblewriting #truelove

Did you do something maybe a little dumb while reading the fic? Stay up all night reading? Nearly walk into a wall because you were reading while walking? Show up late to class because you couldn't put it down? Share your dumb thing!

Make predictions on what you think will happen next, and explain why. End your comment with something along the lines of "I can't wait to find out if I'm right or wrong!" Note: Be sure to phrase your comment as to what you predict will happen, not what you think SHOULD happen.

Did the fic make you discover a new side or facet to a character? Talk about that. "I never noticed how [trait] [character] is until I read your work!" Example: "I never noticed how creative Eric was until you brought it out in this fic, but it's absolutely true!"

Have you re-read a work (especially multiple times)? "I'm re-reading this for the third time because I love it so much."

"This is my second kudos!" Repeat as many times as you want. Third, fourth, fortieth, it's all good.

Are you a new subscriber? "Loved this so much that I subscribed!"

Are you an existing subscriber? "Every time I see an update in my inbox, I get so excited and rush to read it!"

Is there an Original Character (OC) in the fic? Ask about the OC! Ask what inspired the author to create the OC. Ask for more information about the OC's background. Ask if the OC is based on any particular character or idea. Ask how they came up with the name, and if it has any special meaning. Seriously, just ask the author about their original creation.

Tell the author how attached you're growing to their story or their characters.

"It was so [emotion] when [character] did [thing]." For example, "It was so scary when Eddie charged off on his own, I was so worried for his safety!"

Having a tough time in the real world? Let the author know if their fic or characters are a much-needed bright spot in your day.

Is the fic something you normally don't read? "Normally I'm not into [thing], but this fic is so good it's changed my mind!"

Did the author portray a complex topic well, with understanding and nuance? For example: surviving domestic abuse, coming out in a non-supportive environment, dealing with trauma, etc. Tell the author! "I can really tell you did your research. You handled [topic] so well!"

Can you personally relate to a scenario or a character in the fic? Did it touch you on a personal level? Say so!

Is it an older story? COMMENT ON THE OLDER STORY! Tell the author that it still has meaning and relevance, and that readers are still enjoying it today.

Does the fic present a pairing (or relationship) you never considered or never liked before, but now you adore? "This fic has made [pairing] my new favorite ship!" or "I was never really into [relationship] before, but this fic is so well done, I've fallen in love with them!"

A string of heart emojis (or the simple <3 ). As many as you feel appropriate. (One is appropriate. So is one hundred. You decide!) Make a rainbow if you want! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Did the fic make you look at the source material in a new way? Share. "I never noticed [thing] about [source material], but your writing really brought it out!"

Screaming about the pain and agony you're in, especially on whump, hurt/comfort, hurt/no comfort, and similar fics. Some authors are sadists. Let them know you're suffering (in that "oh hell it's so good it hurts" kind of way).

For chapters that end on a cliffhanger: Any screaming about how much the suspense is killing you and you can't wait for the next chapter. (Just remember not to demand the next chapter. "I'm so excited for the next chapter" = good / "You have to update right now or else" = bad.)

Is the fic now part of your official headcanon, right along with the source material? "From now own, this is as official canon to me as the original [book/show/movie]!"

Is the fic's title obvious, or is it a little mysterious? Ask if there's a secret meaning behind the title, or how the author decided on the title.

Ask the author if they have a favorite character, scene, chapter, etc. Depending on the fandom, this can be very specific (favorite weapon, attack, transformation, vehicle, horse, monster, etc.).

Is it smut? Did it make you hot? Trust me, smut authors want to know.

"This [chapter/fic] was so good, I feel like I need a smoke after it."

Is there a mystery that's absolutely boggling your brain? Share your theories! (YES: "Oh, what if Prince Smidgeon is actually killer?"). Just remember to never cross the line into telling the author what to do (NO: "You should make it so Prince Smidgeon is the killer.")

"I wish I could give you a kudos for each word in this [fic/chapter], it's just that good!"

Do you like making art? Ask the author if you can make fanart of their fic!

IF, and ONLY IF, the author has very clearly requested concrit (constructive criticism), then role up your sleeves and get to work putting together truly helpful, supportive criticism. Get started with this guide here.

Do you have other suggestions for this list?

Reblog with your favorite comments to give or receive!

(Tumblr insists on re-starting the list at 1 after the cut and I have no idea how to fix it??? It really is 40, I promise.)

[jealousmartini]

REALLY IMPORTANT AND USEFUL STUFF TO SCRIPT IF YOURE A KPOP SHIFTER

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

○ You understand, you can speak and write Korean fluently

Just an obvious one

○ You understand Korean meme culture, and you actually find it funny😭🙏🏾. Like well-known jokes and memes that are popular from movies or songs or stuff like that.

This is so important for foreigners like me since I don't know jack-SHIT about the memes and jokes over there

○ You don't forget to use the correct honorifics for your family members and group members vs your manager and people you aren't close with. Take these just in case

BANMAL = Informal language

Hyeong; Hyung = Literal meaning: “older brother” Is also used to call: A male friend or a male sibling who’s older than you (as a male). Used by: A younger male to call an older male friend or sibling

Noona; Nuna = Literal meaning: “older sister” is also used to call a female friend or a female sibling who’s older than you (as a male). Used by: A younger male to call an older female or sibling

Oppa = Literal meaning: “older brother” is also used to call a male friend or a male sibling who’s older than you (as a female). Is used by a younger female to call an older male friend or sibling

Unnie; Unni = Literal meaning: “older sister” Is also used to call a female friend or a female sibling who’s older than you (as a female). Used by a younger female to call an older female or sibling

Namdongsaeng = Literal meaning: “younger brother”. Is used to call a younger male sibling or any male who’s younger than you (as a female/male). Used by an older male/female or an older sibling to call a male who’s younger

Side note: You don’t use this word when you call them. Call them by name.

Yeodongsaeng = Literal meaning: “younger sister” Is used to call a younger female sibling or any female who’s younger than you (as a female/male). Used by an older male/female or an older sibling to a female who’s younger than them

Side note: You don’t use this word when you call them. Call them by name.

JONDAENMAL = Formal language

Ssi = Literal meaning: “Mr./Miss/Mrs.” Is used to call someone who you need to show some respect to. Used for business environment

Nim = Literal meaning: “Mr./Miss/Mrs.” (It’s more polite and respectful than Ssi)

○ You are highly respected, loved and admired amongst Koreans and other Kpop idols

I think that although it is great to have international fans, you should also have a strong Korean fanbase since that is where the genre was born

It also helps to be talked about positively from both popular and underrated K-pop groups. Whether about your looks, your personality, your skills or whatever. This shows you are actually very interesting and more than the general public see your potential.

○ You perfectly match the Korean beauty standard, You are the Korean beauty standard OR your beauty is so original and rare that Koreans love it even though it doesn't match their standard

I personally scripted the third one because even though I match some small parts of the beauty standard like long slim fingers, clear soft skin and perfect teeth, my overall appearance does NOT follow the standard. I am still a slim thick pear, I am still black and I still have textured curly hair.

○ You can match / have the same humour with other kpop idols you're close friends with. Also script you are intentionally and unintentionally funny

This connects with the Korean meme culture point I made. You have GOT to understand what your own friends are joking about and find it funny too as well as BE funny, cus god knows how many times a meme reference is gonna be made amongst your members while you are doing one of those challenges like RUN BTS and you don't get what they are talking about😭

note to self💌 : gonna make smore later — 🍊💭

@theshifterbear @livingmydreamlife5555 @cocozydiaries @4ellieluv

[imptwins]

ALRIGHT, no more messing around I suppose.

Over the last twelve months my close friend @kimberlyeab and myself have been the targets of sustained harassment by a series of "anti-ship" accounts, that may or may not be the same person, that I am not going to name up here because I do not want to give them any more traffic than necessary. This is over some of the content we make, 18+ fiction revolving around Undertale and Deltarune, and sometimes involving dark kinks. I'm going to ask you to put aside whether you think this is immoral for the moment.

Under the break below is what I wrote a few hours ago. Things have since escalated. Both myself and Kim have been targeted by email bombs on our business emails, services/bots that spam your email address with garbage signups, rendering your email address completely unusable. At worst, this can overwhelm your email service so much that your account is unable to process new emails and is eventually disabled by the provider. I'm still getting bursts of activity after over 200 emails, so I'm not sure if it's dying down, or if it's so backlogged that this is what's happening.

This is literally a crime, by the way. It's classified as cyber abuse.

On top of this, whoever has done this has access to personal information. A full legal name, first and last, was used in several of the signups, so they are either implicitly threatening to doxx us, or simply flexing that they could. Likewise a crime.

Additionally, this seems well coordinated, but there are no suspicious recent results for us in The Usual Places. This makes me believe this person is probably using some foul back-alley site like KF to organize this. I don't think the legal name in question could have been acquired by one person, it's extremely difficult to trace back.

tl;dr: whoever is doing this knows their way around the internet and is actively dangerous, they are severely impeding our lives and have the potential to become incredibly, incredibly dangerous.

Why am I posting this? Not really to get those accounts in trouble (although you should absolutely stay the hell away from them, and severely scrutinize anything they leave a mark on). I don't think they'll be punished, nor would it help since they constantly block evade, and at this point I don't think this recent online abuse crap is actually them, just someone attaching themself to their crusade. Though I'm not sure.

What I want to illustrate is how these kind of callout posts feed into targeted harassment of minorities. This is just another reason why things that make you uncomfortable should be dealt with by curating your experience using tags and blacklists and blocks, rather than trying to assign moral value to what people make. If my content makes you that uncomfortable I *actively encourage* you to block me.

It doesn't matter whether you personally dislike minorities or not, or whether you're subconsciously targeting them, or whatever. Someone else who does will latch on. That person who writes nothing but callout posts, yet they're always for small trans creators who make some 'icky stuff' and never for big-name bigots who parade their bigotry out in the open; is it because they're a sock puppet of an overt reactionary, or just because they want to feel some control over their life so they subconsciously focus on vulnerable people?

Simple: you can't know.

These people are the dangerous ones. Not people who just make content, properly tag it, and mind their own business. But these people, obsessed with ruining other people, with finding 'evil' in the world so that they can purge it? You can find their name below if you really want, and literally their entire blog is just constant callouts, broadcasting people doing callouts, trying to network with other people who do callouts. This is why these people were originally called 'antifans', their entire fandom presence is centered around tearing other people to shreds.

Do your due diligence and fact-check, before you broadcast that someone in your fandom did something awful. Make sure they actually hurt someone. I know mega-bastards will use 'you can't prove it' as an excuse, but actually analyze it a bit. It's almost always painfully obvious, I know, I spent years doing antifascism. And more than anything else, neither entertain, nor broadcast, nor embolden the kind of people who dedicate their entire existences on the internet to lateral abuse. Not just these particular ones, but ANYONE who dedicates their life to this online torch-waving garbage over fictional content. Whether they're a reactionary or just projecting trauma, whether they actually hate x y or z minority or they just happen to always go for the most vulnerable people, whether the person they're targeting makes content that makes you feel very icky and gross or not, these self-ordained Crusaders are consistently, unquestionably, dangerous.

That's one page out of 4. Also some of them have between 10 and 80 updates in the one email from the same address. There's about 300 emails all up. And there's zero reason they can't do this again.

===

Anyway. The accounts in question are @snowcollecter/@brieffamilycat/@krispy-chicken-shipping/@bonniehbunny. First two are definitely them, I highly suspect the latter two are their main, or at the very least someone who constantly signal boosts them. We have endured over 12 months of:

calling for brigades against us, and at least 4 other people

block dodging to constantly screenshot and reference our posts

literal libel by accusing us of grooming a child despite screenshots, as well as both statements and direct requests to stop by both the supposed groomed child and their actual friends who witnessed all interactions we had

spamming anon asks to literally every single person that they can find who we ever interact with

using tiktok cen)sor)ship nonsense to get past peoples' blacklists and force this stuff in front of them

using no less than 3 confirmed alts with about 5 more extremely suspicious accounts in attempts to artificially broadcast themself and again evade blocks (when the original account itself is transparently an alt too)

joining multiple random discords to try to shove this stuff in peoples' faces

now spamming Kim's business email at signup services

probably being behind the attempts to doxx and raid us last year on a certain hate-monger website, since the signup spam demonstrates they're cool with bog standard channer troll tactics

They also pretty tellingly refused to even talk to this minor we supposedly groomed, who attempted to tell them personally that we hadn't done the shit they claim we did. You'd think someone who is this caught up about the safety of minors in fandom spaces would jump at the chance to help this kid, to tell them not to talk to us and get them away from us, to convince them to stay away? No, they said 'I don't talk to minors' (this is demonstrably untrue: their discord accounts are in many all-ages spaces) and immediately blocked them.

Of course. Because this was never about the safety of minors. Flip a coin; if it's heads, they're a far-right sock puppet who just knows they can use the 'think of the children' angle to drive a wedge into queer communities. If it's tails, they're just a routine runt who's projecting their lack of ability to do anything about the ACTUAL assholes of this world onto other queer people, wailing and flailing and doing anything they can to have some influence despite getting 3 notes on almost everything they ever post. Hence the anon asks, and Discord spam, and blacklist/block evading. If they can't have a platform - because anyone who looks at their garbage for more than a month at most sees how absolutely deranged they are - they'll just force people to see it.

Do they ever attack actual transphobes, which this fandom is not at all short on? Well, sort of! They did one or two callout posts about a TERF who used to run in these spaces... But didn't say anything about the TERF shit. Just the porn. The porn constantly put behind age confirmations and thorough tags/content warnings. This person spouted generic 'all-powerful trans lobby' 'social contagion' 'please look at this study about desistance I found on a hard-right website' bullshit, but no, it was them drawing aged-up highschoolers (REMINDER: NOT EVEN CANONICALLY UNDERAGE, JUST VAGUE HIGHSCHOOLERS, *AND* THEY WERE EXPLICITLY OLDER IN THEIR CONTENT!) that was apparently the greater evil.

I'm not even really sharing this to call them specifically out or draw attention to them. Regardless of whether they're a chud in a mask or just someone who severely, *severely* needs psychological help about their obsession, they're not going to stop. They've made that plainly obvious. At this point I've basically just accepted I'm going to have this deranged stalker until I leave the fandom, which I don't plan to do anytime soon so buckle up I guess.

No, I just want people to see what these people are like. How they ignore the people they claim are victims. How they employ the same tactics as doxxing websites and old channer trolls, or even outright enlist them. How they only EVER put sustained effort into taking down queer people with small platforms because going after the in-plain-sight actual bigots and scumbags would just be too much effort, a reflection of how this is about feeling righteous and powerful, not actually making the world better. They create nothing, they contribute nothing, they bring nothing but arguing and drama and isolation to the spaces they inhabit.

These kind of people are blights on the fandoms they cling to. And any time you act like their *miserable* Hays Code, Jack Thompson With A Rainbow Flag, no kink at pride, BDSM is abuse, drag queens are indecent, cover those ankles *garbage* warrants any notice at all, you deal another blow to the fandom you are in, because nobody wants to be around these little goddamn nightmares. edit: I know how red-flag any grooming allegations are, if you want the full story to that I already addressed it here. tl;dr, no, we did not let a child look at our porn let alone show it to them, we in fact stopped them from doing so. We are not in some secret private 18+ server with them, we actively ensured they STOPPED making themself unsafe, and have strained extremely, extremely hard to keep our very limited interactions with them transparent, scrutinizable, and appropriate. The only reason we even stuck around was because it became rapidly apparent they were in an abusive living situation which we occasionally gave them advice to manage, eg helping them look up boarding options, unlike the torch-waving dipshits who did NOTHING to reach out to them or help them in any way. They're doing much better, both in their home life and in terms of not following or privately palling around with 18+ creators anymore, thanks to us, and at the expense of both our mental health and reputations. You're fucken' welcome.

[buckets-and-trees]

Congrats again on 300 my love ❤️❤️ so you may already know which AU I’m going to be requesting, because it’s my favourite story of yours (so far) and that is Fire Burning from a Cedar Tree!! This story made my heart ache and if you have the inspiration for it I’d love love love to see more!! I don’t want to restrict your imagination by being too specific, but literally anything with those two and I would die of happiness 💙💙

Em, I squealed when you dropped this into my box for the request fest! Partly because I adore you. Partly because you know I also really adore Fire Burning from a Cedar Tree. And partly I squealed out of terror because...I was worried I wouldn't be able to do any kind of follow up to this fic justice. But I took a deep breath and let that go and decided to just let whatever happen happen. I was also a little worried because when I wrote Cedar Tree, it felt very finished, so I didn't have any leftover thoughts to pick up and play around with, so I literally took that first week to just think about them and their story. And then... a lot of scenes started to emerge - stuff before and after Cedar Tree, stuff that was just them, stuff with the people around them.

This is where I landed for now. It's not the same as Cedar Tree - first thing being that it's told from Steve's perspective instead of the reader's - but I'm thinking it will make sense in their overall narrative.

This it the end of their honeymoon, a few weeks before Cedar Tree.

Fandom: MCU Title: The Thrill of Knowing How Alone We Are Characters/Pairings: King!Steve Rogers x female!Queen!Reader, brief Sam and Bucky Word Count: 1.2k Summary: The final night and morning of King Steven's royal honeymoon.

Content Warnings: brief sexual relations (p in v)

Additional Notes: The third offering to celebrate 300 followers with the request fest! While this depicts events before Fire Burning from a Cedar Tree, it does not stand alone and should be read AFTER reading the original piece. Song title inspiration from Better Love by Hozier, which is one of the songs on my original Cedar Tree writing playlist. A/N 2: This still is pretty arbitrary, but although I knew the original was a historical royal AU setting, I basically closed my eyes and pointed when I ended up saying it was medieval. I debated between medieval or Georgian/regency vibe, but NOW it's decidedly Georgian, which will be more relevant if/as I share more of their story in the future.

It’s as he’s on his back, staring at the ceiling, that Steve realizes he’s already deciphered the difference between how it sounds when you’re asleep, when you’re awake, and when you’re somewhere in between. He didn’t expect that.

He expected a lot of things after taking you as his queen, but there were so many small things that make sense, but he simply hadn’t thought of, like this – knowing so quickly the sounds of your breathing.

Ten days and in some ways he knew so much more about you than he knew about anyone else but himself – more than he’d known about his parents, than Bucky whom he’d grown up with and trusted else as his closest friend and advisor, more than his general Sam who he trusted with the security of his kingdom and his own life.

The betrothal, the brief period of engagement, the wedding, and the wedding feast had all been very public and formal. The moment the two of you had entered the royal carriage to make the journey to his small palace in the lake country for the honeymoon, everything was suddenly private and intimate. It was the first time Steve had truly been alone with you, and the first moments alone would have been awkward – he certainly hadn’t thought about that moment until suddenly the two of you were there alone – but you had clearly thought of the circumstance in advance and had been prepared to make easy conversation. While the first few minutes had been an effort to make conversation, they swiftly did progress to easy conversation. The topics had been largely trivial and unimportant, but the words were not stilted.

After a late and quick supper upon arrival, the two of you had retired to the royal bedchamber. Steve had expected a dutiful consummation, and duty may have called for the deed, but the execution had unexpectedly run deeper, warmer, with the undertones of the fledgling familiarity built over the few hours alone earlier. Each day the familiarity grew, and though there could have perhaps been moments that could have allowed each of you two part naturally, you both drew each other into extending conversations, going on walks or rides or visiting a new area of the palace together, continuing formally in the first few days until it became merely natural and the two of you forgot altogether the idea of spending much of the time apart.

Now he understood the nostalgia with which many referred to the honeymoon. It was a pity it was coming to an end. Two weeks ago, you were little more than strangers to be wed and fulfill your royal duties. Here on this final night, he could not think of it ending. Tomorrow he would go back to being the king again.

He sighed and turned his head to look at you. He wanted to reach for you, pull you closer, touch you, but the touching wouldn’t be enough, and he’d said sensibly that the two of you should retire early specifically so he could sleep and be well rested for his early departure. He hadn’t thought you warming his bed would be torture. He thought that it would be soothing and help him sleep. But this was worse, and the longer he listened, the less it seemed sleep would ever come to him. But he would not leave or send you away, it was the last night he would have this kind of closeness afforded to him with ease. He also didn’t want to disturb you if you were perhaps close to dropping off to sleep. Nearness was enough, even if it meant no sleep.

Suddenly you shifted, rolling to lie on your back, and you let out a long sigh of your own.

“Sleep alluding you, my queen?”

“As it seems to be alluding you, my king. I know the time is only slipping away until you’re required to wake and depart. Is my restless state keeping you awake?”

Steve laughed. “Perhaps, but not in the way you think.”

He rolled up on his elbow and places a hand on your hip, drawing circles there with his fingers.

“Perhaps I can beckon sleep for both of us in…other ways.”

His hand moved up to cup your breast. He gave a squeeze and brushed his thumb over your nipple, the thin fabric of your night shift barely there. You whimpered his name, arching slightly into his palm.

“Yes?” he pressed.

“Yes,” you pleaded.

While he reached down to pull up the hem of your nightdress, your hands went quickly to free his growing desire for you. Quickly he shifted his body over yours, nestling between your eagerly parting legs. He smiled as he guided his cock to your heated folds, happy to find you were already wet. He looked up to your face, and you bit your lip before reaching your hands up to his jaw and drawing him down to meet your lips. Steve devoured you with his kiss as he plunged into you, and you gave yourself up to him completely until you were both exhausted and sleep finally overtook you.

When one of his esquires woke him in the pre-dawn glow, he suppressed a groan of agitation. It is not the kind of king he has ever wanted to portray to his subjects. He will always be a dignified king. He was diligent in making sure you were tucked in with propriety before falling asleep himself, but he looks over to make sure your modesty is preserved this morning now with someone else in the room. He wants to kiss you goodbye, and while part of him wants nothing more than to wake you, see your eyes look up at him before he leaves, he refrains from doing anything more than brushing the hair off and away from your face with only the lightest caress. It would be silly to wake you for any more sentimentality. The honeymoon is truly over, and he only feels this consuming tie because of the unique circumstances of here and now. When you are both back in the capitol, it will be more normal and less sentimental. He will be himself again.

Downstairs in the hall there were simple foods ready for him to break his fast, and Lord Barnes and General Wilson were both waiting and ready to receive their king. Barnes would accompany him to Stark’s kingdom, but Wilson was there to escort the queen back to the castle.

“Guard her with your life,” Steve commanded.

Wilson gave a slight bow. “Yes, my king.”

Steve turns to look at Barnes only to find a smirk on the man’s face. “What is so amusing at this hour?”

“You gave that order as if he hasn’t been in your service for years.”

“She is the queen,” Steve reminded them.

“I will afford her the same safety and security that I have for your majesty since given the responsibility of this position.”

Steve shook his head, “You should afford her more than you do me.”

Without hesitation, he responded, “It will be done.”

Steve strode out of the foyer and Barnes fell in just one step behind him. “We need not rush away from the palace so soon. The official royal business of Stark’s expo does not require you so immediately.”

“This was the plan,” Steve retorted, “why would we alter course?”

“The sooner we leave, the sooner we can return to your queen,” he agreed.

“The sooner we can return to my kingdom, Lord Barnes.”

“Yes, your majesty.”

read more of the CEDAR TREES COLLECTION

read the next part: A SHIFT IN THE MORNING ROUTINE

[thatringboy]

A Body Built for an Undeserving Soul, A Boothill Theory

My definitely sober thoughts while grinding for the eventual Ruan Mei rerun and writing some robinhill have led me to a startling train of thought. I’ll do my best to sound sane as I say this, but the 18 minute discord voice memo I originally made is definitely anything but. Spoilers for Boothill’s backstory, character stories, and other lore, and no I’m not really gonna be citing things because it’s 3 in the morning and I’m high. If at any point I say something that isn’t really supported by canon, please be nice i’m a little silly boy

Anyways

I don’t think Boothill is a Pathstrider.

Let me cook, please. Here’s my reasons why:

The way he talks about Aeons and Paths

The way his body is designed

And 3.

Enjoy the madness below the cut

So, there’s not really a proper way to word any of this without it being an ADHD word vomit. Bear with me. Please.

Penacony has been a fantastic update for those of us waiting for worldbuilding. We’ve learned a LOT about the many factions in the cosmos, the true nature of the IPC, the powers of the Aeons, and that the Paths are tangible things in the universe. The Luofu arc opened up a bit about this, but since it was so focused on The Hunt and The Abundance and The Permanence, we sort of fell back into the same story beats as the Herta Station arc. Either way, Penacony has been amazing for little lore bugs like me.

So what does this have to do with the wild claim that Boothill somehow isn’t a Pathstrider?

Let’s touch some grass for a minute and consider our places in the irl universe. Hi, I’m Perseus, a young transmasculine white adult guy from South Texas who grew up reading too many Rick Riordan books and now has a complicated relationship with both the christian god and the greek gods. It’s an autism special interest of mine to learn about the greek pantheon and while I don’t know everything about it, I’m a silly little guy and can recite fun facts about dozens of gods. I can also recite fun facts about the christian bible and christian mythology because I was forced to study christianity when I was younger. Nice to meet y’all. Now, when I, Perseus, talk to people about the various religions I know a thing or two about, I infodump. A lot. I think I once ranted about Dionysus for 20 minutes before my sister told me to shut up. It happens.

Now focus back in on the important topic: the fictional cyborg with jiggle physics. I’m working purely on memory, but I’m pretty sure when he first meets Dan Heng and Pom-Pom, he does go on a spiel about the Aeons and Paths as he tries to prove his identity as a Galaxy Ranger and Acheron’s identity as Not a Galaxy Ranger. The way he describes The Hunt, The Nihility, Emanators, and Paths, it all just sounded… i don’t know, canned? It came across as very emotionally disconnected, even as he talked about The Hunt, but he was saying all the right words. Like someone who studied a religion but isn’t actually a part of the religion. 

On its own, this means absolutely nothing besides just reminding us of his home planet’s hostile takeover by Qlipoth-worshiping IPC workers. If you haven’t seen the post yet, I really recommend reading the So, Honkai: Star Rail made a cyborg cowboy... an INDIGENOUS cyborg cowboy. post by @ahworm I’ll link it here, please check it out because it recontextualized a lot of how I viewed Boothill’s actions and mannerisms

So the way Boothill talks about the Path he should be a Pathstrider of sounds more like an encyclopedia than a follower. Now, maybe this can be explained by the fact that Galaxy Rangers aren’t the most zealous bunch, especially when standing next to the Xianzhou Alliance who worship Lan as a deity more than The Hunt itself. The Galaxy rangers are the opposite, they are hunters first and last regardless of what Lan in THEIR “greatness” does.

But if Boothill is just a normal Galaxy ranger (whatever that means), then how does he recognize the Jade Abacus of Allying Oath instantaneously? Dan Heng’s barely put the damn thing on the table and Boothill’s already jaw on the floor amazed. One could make the argument that, well, Boothill’s a well-traveled guy, of course he’d know the most valuable artifact to his Path. To that, I say: there’s more to it.

Boothill’s main accusation against Acheron in the beginning is, what? “An Emanator that shouldn’t exist.” He talks about The Nihility and Device IX the same way he talks about The Hunt; learned and detached in an agnostic way. He’s aware these are real concepts and beings, he’s crossed paths with an Emanator of Elation before so he can’t deny the existence of literal gods in the universe

We also know that it’s canon in the star rail universe that there are planets who haven’t heard of the Aeons before, like Sigonia - Aventurine’s planet. Instead of Aeons, we know the Avgins worshiped the goddess Giathra Triclops. I’ve seen the argument that Giathra is just another name for Xipe since THEY have three faces, but Aventurine’s flashbacks are very clear in showing that the worship of Giathra was very different from the worship of Aeons. We don’t know much about Aeragan-Epharshel, but from how the IPC described the indigenous people as needing civilization and other disgusting things (not to mention how they forced a synesthesia beacon into boothill when he was maybe like a teenager? And then his brain nearly broke from the influx of information?), I think it’s safe to say that the tribes of Aeragan-Epharshel also didn’t follow any specific Aeon.

But Aventurine is now a Pathstrider of Preservation, so why can’t Boothill be a Hunter Pathstrider too? Well, dear reader, allow me to bash my head against the wall trying to form words. Aventurine doesn’t believe anything about the sovereignty of The Preservation, just like the rest of the Stonehearts. He has his agenda, and if he has to play Preservation to do so, then he will. I think Boothill is the same, which is also why I can’t wait to see what happens in the upcoming quests with the two of them in the same room. That being said, Aventurine’s Preservation powers only come from his Cornerstone, crafted by an Emanator of Preservation. It’s how he and Topaz and Jade can all be such different people but all be classified as Pathstriders of Preservation, the sheer proximity to an Emanator’s powers canonically give them powers equivalent to actual Pathstriders.

So… what about Boothil? This leads me into my next point: Boothill’s cyborg body. By looking at his Character Story Part 3, we learn that Boothill VOLUNTARILY became a cyborg to become stronger. He literally shed the skin and name from an ancient, dead tongue to become a real loaded gun. His voice lines in combat talk about death a lot, his name literally is in reference to a graveyard - this man cannot wait to finally die in some sort of blaze of glory and vengeance. I say that with a little bit of sarcasm, but Boothill designed his body to be a weapon. 

In a lot of parts of the USA, it’s illegal to even insinuate that you have a firearm as that constitutes as the crime of  “armed robbery”, even if you don’t even have a gun. The threat alone is enough to warrant a higher penalty. But Boothill is already a great shot with a gun, why does he also need augmented teeth and crosshair eyes and hips that can fold his body into any sinful shape he needs? Because the threat alone is enough to give him power over his prey. Almost as if he’s compensating for a lack of magic godly powers. He needs to be able to keep up with even the strongest IPC goons, to pierce their Preservation shields with his bullets so that he can get closer and closer to Oswaldo Schneider.

But how can I prove that Boothill doesn’t have any Path magic? Well, let’s take a spin around his character model. What’s that thing sitting snugly against his exposed asscheek? His pistol? But that’s not weird, Perseus, most cowboys hold their guns there!

But what other playable character has their weapon on their actual model like him?

There are so many in-game cutscenes showing that, canonically, the Pathstriders summon their weapon from some sort of unseen storage or hammerspace. I like the term hammerspace, let’s use that. The playable Pathstriders all use hammerspace to easily summon their weapons. None of them actually carry their weapons on their model. Even Welt Yang has scenes of him summoning his herrscher cane (I’ve never played hi3 please forgive me for using incorrect terms) from his hammerspace. But not Boothill. He has his arm gun and he has his trusty 9 millimeter pistol on his little slutty hip. His idle animations involve reloading his weapons and putting them back on his person. No particle effects, no vanishing tricks, just a man sticking his tongue out to catch a bullet for a snack.

So what have we learned?

Boothill doesn’t have an emotional connection to his Path, it most likely is just the Path he figured met his needs and decided the philosophy was good enough

Boothill’s body is designed to perform specifically to kill Pathstriders, especially sturdier Pathstriders of The Preservation

Boothill either can’t or won’t use the same hammerspace the other canonical Pathstriders use

Each point by themself means nothing, or can be chalked up to unique character designs. But together? My intoxicated mind theorizes that Boothill is not a Pathstrider, merely a broken man trying to play the game according to the rules of the oppressors that colonized his planet and bombed his tribe into reservations and the dirt. Thank you for your time.

[redux-iterum]

if you dont mind me asking, how do you plan what to write? im trying to do my own rewrite but i'm struggling a bit

So I’ll cover how I do a rewrite specifically, since that’s a little different from original works like a webcomic or a book. What I use personally is the “Snowflake Method” – start big, go small.

Start by figuring out what you want to do with your rewrite. Are you trying to make the story better? Is it an AU with one major change that alters the course of history? Are you just adding mythology? What’s your goal here? Rewrites should have a point that will help define how your story shakes out. For the purposes of this ask, we’re going to assume it’s just a major-change AU.

Once you have the purpose, you can start planning. The first important thing is to get a general, overall idea of how the story will go – something basic like “Firepaw joins ShadowClan right when Brokenstar comes into power, and he ends up leading a rebellion and defeating Brokenstar and his lackeys”.

You may have ideas at this point for small scenes and snippets of dialog (God knows I always do), so write all the little things you want to have happen down in no specific order, just as they occur to you. Save those for later.

With your general idea, start breaking it up into somewhat smaller story beats. “So Firepaw joins ShadowClan, then he’s taught how to fight, and he struggles because the fighting is so violent and cruel and he’s so young. Then he sees how Brokenstar leads and doesn’t like it, and he talks to his Clanmates and discovers they don’t like it either.” And so on, until you get to your ending. Remember, you don’t need to get too detailed right now; you’re just cutting the pie into smaller pieces over time. Those slices can get smaller as you go on.

If you have those small scenes and ideas laying around, start going over the generally-planned stuff and seeing where you can add in those things. Some of them, you’ll have to get rid of, because they don’t work or make sense, or they’re not fitting to the tone of the story. That’s totally fine. Killing darlings is part of the process. Those you can keep will help connect things together.

Continue getting more and more specific as far as you need to. “Firepaw fails his first fighting lesson, then he goes home in shame, then he’s talked to by Nightpelt who is sympathetic to his shame and admits he doesn’t like Brokenstar’s leading methods, which causes a small idea of changing things to bloom in Firepaw’s head”, etc. If you’re a thorough architect like me, you need as many details as you can get, but some people are good to stop at this point, or even before it, with vague notions they can write down and improvise in.

If you feel it would help, at this point you can write a detailed synopsis for the entire story – I do it chapter-by-chapter, listing everything that happens in each chapter so that I have bite-sized summaries that are easy to look through and change things in. Some people just need a general idea and they’re good to go, and that’s fine.

The one thing I want to emphasize is to keep in mind that you're doing a rewrite, and so you should ideally have something that makes your version stand out from canon. Things are a little easier because you have bedrock to work with that you can alter or discard as you like, but you still have to alter if you want your rewrite to not just be "canon but one tiny thing is different".

I hope this helps! Apologies if it's a little scattered, I'm very tired and distracted today.

[whipped-for-kpop-fics]

Starlight Eyes ~ B.SK

🌟Who; Boo Seungkwan x female reader (Y/N) 🌟What; Fluff. Seungkwan-centric. Some hurt at the beginning(I don't know if it's classed as angst or not). Briefly mentioned background memberxmember relationships. Reader is older(3 years). Staff!reader. Idol/canon verse. 🌟Wordcount; 14k 🌟Warnings; Alcohol consumption (nobody is shown drunk though). Period talk. Mention of doctors. Suggestive themes. Adult language/profanity. Seungcheol's injury is mentioned a few times. :(( I think that's it but please let me know if I've missed anything!

🌟Summary; The past months together were supposed to be his way of forming a connection with you that would allow you to see him in a romantic manner like you had started to with Seungcheol last year. But it seemed it had just made Seungkwan's feelings burn brighter and his crush turn into something more.

Ao3 link -Find my other writing here -

A/N; This was originally a self-indulgent story with an original character, not a reader insert so there may be some OC stuff I missed during editing so sorry if you see "her/hers/she" when it should be you/yours. Also, I know nothing about the members' personal lives so ignore any inaccuracies there, this is just fanfiction, it's not supposed to be realistic. <3

After all these years, all this time, now that everyone was finally accepting that it would never happen, it happened.

"We're dating," Jeonghan informed the group at large, his right hand holding Seungcheol's left, fingers laced and the older looking very shy as he smiled down at his own feet unable to meet the eyes of any of the 12 in front of them.

"Uh, should I leave?" You asked awkwardly, hands hovering over Minghao's head from where you had been playing with his hair.

"No, why would you suddenly leave?" Jeonghan asked confused, giving you a genuinely bewildered look.

"Because this sounds like family stuff not-"

"Don't," Seungcheol warned, lifting his head to land a firm look on you. "Don't try and say you're not one of us, Y/N because you are."

"Yeah, you're our girl," Jeonghan agreed. "We wanted to tell all of you together, you all should know about this at the same time."

"Okay," You agreed softly, not looking entirely convinced but you turned back down to focus back on playing with Minghao's hair in the way he only really let you do.

Seungkwan wasn't really aware of what was said after that because his attention was on you and the downturn of your lips. You weren't very close, the two of you, though you both still did value each other greatly; just like all of Seventeen did with you and you returned those fond feelings. You had been one of their staff for a while; mostly closest to 95 line as you were the same age as them, and had taken on the role of Seungcheol's personal physiotherapist despite the fact that you were actually a makeup artist. But all 13 young men adored you and you loved them all back just as much so your role was much more than just another staff member to them. Still, Seungkwan didn't really spend any time with you alone and that was okay for you both. But he still had always easily noticed your mannerisms and quirks, so he noticed the way you started to shrink into yourself as the others all congratulated the new couple, after making them both promise that it wasn't some kind of joke that Jeonghan had convinced Seungcheol to go along with. Seungkwan noticed you wilt and didn't understand how no one else did.

To celebrate the new couple, you all went to karaoke, even if you didn't drink and never actually sang but you always watched with a smile, just happy to be involved and thought of. Though this time, Seungkwan noticed you take the shot of soju that Seokmin had poured then promptly abandoned to run screaming excitedly over to the machine and join the song, already tipsy. At that point, Seungkwan stopped drinking.

Although Seungkwan did see you swallow down a fair few drinks over the night while no one was looking, you didn't really seem any different; smiles a little lazier and slightly cuddlier than normal as you tucked up against Wonwoo- who mostly stayed in his seat at your side- but still pretty much the same you as always. Seungkwan wondered if the older man noticed his companion drinking too or not.

Inevitably, as it happened every time you all hung out, you got up after a while to get some air and have a break from all the noise. Wonwoo smiled at you as you got up, his own smile a little drunken making you giggle and pat his cheek fondly before you left the room, putting a bowl of snacks in Soonyoung's hands as you passed him. You were always taking care of them like that; in little ways that added up to a lot. It wasn't a surprise that they all loved you an awful lot.

After a few minutes, Seungkwan got up and said he was going to the bathroom, not that anyone really noticed, then went out of the room, then out to the little courtyard designated for smokers but he knew you liked to sit on the bench right in the corner out of the way. "Hey," He greeted gently when he was close enough, causing you to lift your head up from where it was tilted back against the wall behind you with your eyes closed.

"Hi," You replied in the same tone while lifting your head more to watch him sit too.

"Everything okay?"

"Just needed a break, you know I need to escape it after a while."

"Mm, I know, but I meant more that you've been drinking."

"Ah, you noticed?" He hummed in confirmation. You sighed and tilted your head back again to stare up at the sky ahead; dark and too full of light pollution in the city to see the stars. "It's sad, isn't it?"

"What is?"

"That real beauty is hidden from us because we as a species rely on the artificial too much."

"Uh, that was deeper than I expected." He admitted, making you laugh. He smiled a little, glad that you weren't feeling bad enough to not laugh, and then he shuffled to copy your position and look up at the sky. "You'd like Jeju; there's this hill I go to when I visit my family, I never see as many stars as I do right there."

"Sounds peaceful."

"Mm, it is."

"I'd like to see that one day. If we're ever in Jeju together, do you think you could show me?" You tilted your head to look at him. He felt your gaze on him so he glanced over and then tilted his head too to meet your eyes in return.

Sometimes, Seungkwan really loved that you were the exact same height; being the same level made a lot of your professional interactions a lot easier when you had to adjust his makeup on set. But at times like this when there was already something hanging heavy in the air and Seungkwan's own chest had been twisted horribly for the past hours, he kind of hated it, that your open gaze was level with his. He could never escape it when you looked at him.

"Yeah, I'll take you wherever you want, noona." He replied honestly, tone a touch past just gentle now, turning more soft. "Even if we aren't scheduled to go to Jeju together, I'll take you one day when our schedules allow it."

"Really?" He nodded and you lit up. "I'd really like that, Kwanie."

"Mm, me too." He agreed, making your smile widen as his own turned up one side of his closed mouth. "That doesn't really answer what's wrong though. I'm pretty sure you're not really drinking because of not being able to see the stars." You sighed and turned your head back skywards though Seungkwan kept his full attention on you. He couldn't help but imagine what you would look like with the starlight reflected in your eyes instead of the orange of the fairy lights strung up in the courtyard. Still, artificial light or not, Seungkwan thought you looked beautiful. "Is it hyungs?" He asked carefully, not wanting to make things worse but wanting to get to the bottom of this to try and figure out how to make it better. "Coups and Jeonghan getting together? I…You like Coups-hyung, right?"

"I…no…a little." You admitted with a heavy breath. "I knew I never stood a chance anyway, he's been talking about asking Hannie out for weeks now so I really knew it was coming."

"You did?" Seungkwan was genuinely shocked. "Your response seemed like you didn't know."

"I didn't know when it was happening, or if Cheol-ah was actually going to have the balls to do it, they've been on the cusp of this since before I even met you all, after all."

"Mm, they have." He confirmed. "You really aren't hurt over it?"

"No," You laughed a little. "I'm happy for them, they're good together regardless of romantic status. I don't imagine much will change with them anyway, they've been very unsubtly sneaking off to make out and probably fuck for a while."

"What?" Seungkwan muttered dumbly. "They've been what?"

You looked at him and upon spotting his flat expression you straightened up with an amused expression. "You didn't know?" He shook his head. "Oh, here I was thinking you're one of the observant ones, you always notice when I need something."

"That's you though." He replied without thought then blushed and looked away, back up at the sky. "Uhm, like, it's easier to see when you need something compared to them because they've always been close and affectionate and disappear randomly so it's normal."

"Ah, I see." You hummed in understanding and tilted back again.

The pair of you were silent for a few minutes as Seungkwan focused on calming his racing heart and heated cheeks. He really thought that he had given himself away then. "So," He started, tone back to gentle. "If not because you're hurt, why are you sad, noona?"

"I just…" You sighed heavily. "It's fucking stupid."

"If it hurts, it's not stupid."

"I'm not usually bothered by this, I'm just…I don't know, sensitive, at the moment. Hormones, you know?"

"Mm," He hummed a little, understanding that you were referring to your incoming period. It wasn't something that you ever discussed with any of them exactly, though you did usually take time off every month routinely so the group had very early on been worried and asked you if something was wrong at home or something. And then you had very honestly said that it was because your period pains were worse on those days and you couldn't face people. Ever since, the guys had always had your favourite chocolate and snacks delivered to your apartment on those days to cheer you up a little; and you always hugged them all extra tight on the day you returned. So Seungkwan did know that you were due any day and even had a symbol on his personal calendar to remind him; he always intended to send you flowers but could never gather the courage to do it. He thought he was a lot like Seungcheol in that way. But at least everyone had known that Jeonghan returned Seungcheol's affection, nobody knew if you returned Seungkwan's feelings, or even that he had those feelings in the first place.

"Do you…do you ever just see people being all happy and in love and it just hits you that you don't have that?"

"Oh," He swallowed a little, surprised by your words because you had never seemed to care about romantic relationships for yourself even if you were all for others finding love. Honestly, some of Seventeen had even entertained the possibility that you were aromantic. So you saying this right now and admitting to being upset over being single was genuinely a shock to Seungkwan. "Yeah," He agreed in a soft exhale after a few seconds of absorbing your words. "Quite a lot, honestly." He chuckled a little, embarrassed and scratched his neck awkwardly. "I didn't expect it to be something you think about. That sounds mean, doesn't it? Or rude. Just not nice. I'm sorry-"

"It's fine," You giggled and reached over to take his hand into yours and hold it on the wood of the bench seat between you. "I don't; think about it really, I mean. Like I said, hormones prompted it today. I'm usually fine single, you obviously know that I'm generally not interested in romance. "

"Y-yeah, you've never dated in all the time I've known you." He was staring down at your hands between you. It wasn't the first time that you two had held hands but it was the first where you were having a conversation about romance in what could be considered a romantic setting, fairy lights and the night sky. Seungkwan was half convinced you could feel his racing pulse through your connected palms.

"I don't gain real attraction easily." You admitted softly. "In any way. I can see someone and think about them in a sexual manner but I wouldn't ever do something about it. I need a connection first, for either romantic or sexual relationships. But I don't like meeting people, it's too much hassle and anxiety so I'm not really giving myself the chance to develop any connection with anyone. I think that's mostly why I started to like Cheol because we were spending so much time together during his injury that we got closer and I'm not stupid, he's a wonderful, attractive man."

"Hyung's great." Seungkwan agreed quietly, mind whirling with all the new information.

"He is. You all are." You squeezed his hand gently, sending his heart tripping over itself a little which only grew when you adjusted your hold and your first two fingers slipped through the gaps of his last two. You had never locked fingers before. Seungkwan was halfway to a heart attack, he was certain. "I didn't expect anyone to notice something is, well not wrong; I'll get over this quickly, but not right I guess. Even Wonwoo didn't seem to notice and he's been next to me for the past two hours. It's always you, huh?" You turned your head to look at him again. Seungkwan took a breath before he bravely turned his head to look at you and meet your fond gaze. His breath caught in his throat and that heart attack was coming on very quickly now. "You always do so much for others, Seungkwan-ah, you work so hard to make others happy and feel loved. I hope that you feel it back tenfold. You really deserve it, you know?"

"Noona," He breathed out, feeling all his affection for you rising up to his throat. If he wasn't careful, it was going to come tumbling out so he pressed his lips together to hold it in.

"You'll let me know, won't you? If there's something I can do to make you happy, Kwannie." Those were dangerous words because all Seungkwan wanted was your lips on his, to know how you tasted behind the peach soju that you had been drinking intermittently all night. "Hm?" You prompted when he didn't say anything, his gaze just roaming over your face and trying to stick on your mouth as much as he was trying to not let it. "You'll let me know-"

"Kiss me," He blurted out breathlessly, eyes now glued to your lips and unable to look away.

"Wh-what?" You stammered, lifting your head to look at him utterly gobsmacked. But Seungkwan didn't really notice what your expression was doing as he straightened up in time with you, drawn like a magnet to you in a way that he usually had such good control over but his heart wasn't letting up and he didn't even realise that he was leaning in. Seungkwan's lips barely brushed yours before your hand was free from his and you were pushing him back, touch still gentle even as you cleared yourself space to get to your feet. "What the fuck?" You whispered, staring down at him with wide eyes of pure shock.

And that was what had Seungkwan's own eyes widening as he registered what had just happened, what he had just done. He had asked you to kiss him and then made the move himself when you had been too shocked to react otherwise. He had been so drawn to your soft-looking lips that he hadn't even paid attention to you properly. But now that there was distance between you and your fingers were no longer linked with his, Seungkwan knew.

"I'm so sorry," He rushed out, whole body flashing between hot and cold as panic and guilt squeezed his heart. "I-"

"We should get back." You spoke, voice odd, almost cold but not quite. It made Seungkwan's heart turn to ice in his chest. You were looking at him as if you didn't even know him and it hurt so much. You didn't wait for him to respond before you turned and went back into the building.

Seungkwan couldn't will his body to move, stock still with pain and fear. He had never wanted to confess to you in any way because he was certain that you didn't return the feelings and liked Seungcheol as of the past months; since you had headed back to Seoul with Seungcheol from Japan after tour while the rest of them went to Italy to film Nana Tour. Seungkwan had immediately noticed that something had changed when he saw you two face to face upon returning to Seoul but he hadn't been brave enough to confront you about it and just cradled his bruised heart closer to his chest. But now, what Seungkwan didn't want to happen, happened; you had rejected him. You pushed him away and broke his heart with a still so gentle touch that he honestly wished that you had been brutal, it would've somehow hurt less than this. Seungkwan was left there, heart in pieces not just for the rejection but knowing he had really messed up and now, he really wasn't sure if you would want to call him a friend any more.

How long Seungkwan sat there was an absolute mystery, he didn't move a single muscle, just sat there, staring brokenly wide-eyed at the door, tears silently slipping down his cheeks and hands gripping the edge of the bench either side of his thighs.

And then.

"Boo?" It was Hansol, stepping out into the courtyard in search of his best friend. But upon seeing Seungkwan's distraught expression through the glass of the door, Hansol's heart had seized with worry. "What happened?" He asked, rushing over to kneel on the slab in front of Seungkwan, one hand on Seungkwan's pressed-together knees and his other tenderly wiping the tears away, though more fell as Seungkwan came back to reality and he realised he was crying.

"I-I really fu-fucked up, Nonie," Seungkwan choked out before breaking down into sobs that made Hansol's heart break into pieces and join his best friend's on the floor around them.

It wasn't until they were tucked up in Seungkwan's bed together, Seungkwan's eyes swollen from his tears though no longer falling that Seungkwan actually told Hansol what happened. He hadn't really been in any state to talk at the karaoke bar and Hansol hadn't wanted to risk someone walking in on his fellow idol bawling his eyes out. So Hansol had tried to take Seungkwan back to the room yet he refused, making Hansol call Junhui out as one of the designated drivers for the night. Junhui did have every intention of complaining about being forced to drive them home and then come back, but upon seeing the state of the young man on the bench, Junhui drove them home before going back to the karaoke bar without a single complaint.

The pair were still alone even though they had taken the time to shower and attempt some kind of skincare routine for Seungkwan around his sniffles but he didn't have the heart to care and Hansol only had so much knowledge. Still, they both had clean, soft skin when they climbed into bed together to cuddle up in the way Hansol knew always soothed Seungkwan.

"Are you ready to talk about it now, Boo?"

Seungkwan curled up smaller against Hansol's chest, the younger on his back, his left arm around Seungkwan's back but folded up to run through the older's hair, his right hand over Seungkwan's left on Hansol's chest. "I fucked up."

"Mm, you said. With what? Y/N-noona?" Seungkwan flinched a little, confirming Hansol's words. "She left before I came out to you, she told me to check on you. Did you have a fight?" He sounded as if he didn't even believe it was possible; Seungkwan and you fighting, which was pretty true really as you two had never butted heads in any way.

"Not exactly." Seungkwan's voice was barely audible, half muffled against Hansol's chest and just very quiet anyway because he didn't really want to speak these words but figured he should. It was about time he told his best friend the truth. "I…I kissed her." Hansol tensed a little, genuinely surprised at his friend's words. "Well, tried to. She pushed me away."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I didn't know you like her that much. I've noticed you treat her differently to other women but I figured it was just because she's different to us all anyway, staff but a precious friend too. I thought it was mostly that and maybe a little crush but for you to try to kiss her? You really like her, huh, Boo?"

"Yeah," He choked out and turned his face further into Hansol's chest while gripping at his t-shirt. "I like her so fucking much th-that my heart is broken right now. S-she pushed me away and looked at me like-like she doesn't know me. I'm so fucking scared I've ruined everything, Vernon. Wh-what if she ne-never talk-"

"Alright, take a breath." Hansol soothed, knowing Seungkwan was on the verge of breaking down again and honestly, Hansol was not strong enough to handle that again. Seungkwn held on tighter as he obediently focused on taking some deep, slow though relatively unsteady breaths until he could breathe evenly again. He slumped back against his best friend and turned his head back around. "You haven't ruined anything, Seungkwan-ah." He promised. "Y/N-noona is not the type of person to ditch someone precious to her because of a love confession."

"I-I didn't confess." Seungkwan admittedly quietly.

"What?" Hansol mumbled puzzled. "You just randomly kissed her?"

"No. I asked her to kiss me first but I guess I just, got caught on the thought and leaned in without really realising."

"Uhm, okay and why did you ask her to kiss you?"

"Because I'm a fucking idiot." He huffed. "She was just…" He exhaled heavily. "It felt a lot, sitting there with her like that and she was talking and saying things and I just always get so caught up listening to her and stuck in how much I like her and she was holding my hand and you know I'm so weak for hand holding and she-" He took a much-needed breath when Hansol tapped his back a little, a silent reminder to breathe. "She basically told me to tell her what she can do to make me happy because she said I do so much for others and deserve to feel as loved and cared for as I make others feel and I just…"

"Asked her to kiss you?" Seungkwan nodded, cheeks warm enough that Hansol could feel the increased temperature easily through his sleep t-shirt. Not that he'd point that out. "And then you kissed her and she shoved you back?"

"No, not shoved just, pushed really gently. I think I'd prefer she had shoved me. Somehow, the soft touch hurts so much more."

"It's because she cares about you, Boo, too much to be so harsh with you. That's good, it means she won't want to lose you over this either." Hansol soothed, hand back in Seungkwan's hair and right thumb brushing over the back of Seungkwan's left hand. "It'll be okay. It might be a little weird at work tomorrow but it won't last."

As it turns out, Hansol was wrong, not because it was weird at work the next day but because you didn't turn up at all.

It was five days before Seungkwan saw you again; you had called off like you did every month though usually it was only a few days, not five. But you had answered the group chat like normal and just said it was just a little extra pain this month and you were fine and did not need Mingyu to come over and feed you handmade soup as it was just a period and you were not ill. The others had been persuaded and simply sent you more treats and funny videos while you were gone. But Seungkwan was convinced that you were avoiding him and well, Hansol's frown told Seungkwan that his best friend had the same thought.

When Seungkwan did see you, however, he really hadn't expected to. He was at a solo photo shoot for one of the brands he was an ambassador for and saw you waiting in his dressing room when he entered. You were dressed ready for work; supply belt strapped around your hips and a makeup brush in your fingers as you twirled it absentmindedly where you were leaning back against the counter in wait, eyes on the empty chair in front of you.

"Noona," He mumbled as he stepped through the open doorway. The brush flew out of your fingers at his sudden voice, making you both yelp a little as it pinged across the room. You both stared in the general vicinity of where it had fallen on the floor somewhere out of sight, then you huffed an amused laugh and pushed off of the counter.

"Come on, they told me to deal with you myself seeing as it's a simple outfit and look today." You mused, motioning him in as you walked over to the clothing rack where only one outfit was set up in wait; jeans, a t-shirt and a soft cardigan. "Kwan-ah?" You prompted when he remained in place. You looked over at him. "Are you going to come in and shut the door or are you changing at the threshold in view of everyone?"

"Right," He mumbled and stepped into the room, closing the door behind him then slowly approached, twisting his fingers together nervously as he neared. "J-just us?"

"Mm, we've worked with this team enough that they trust me to pretty you up alone, not that you need prettying up." You smiled at him, teasing as you tended to when talking to the guys about how attractive they were. But your smile faltered a little when you took his features in properly. He looked paler than usual with dark marks under his eyes and lips a little dry. "Kwan-ah," You breathed out, putting the hangers back on the rack to free your hands so that you could turn and delicately take his face into your hands. Seungkwan immediately felt his eyes sting a little with the threat of tears. He had been so scared that you would never touch him again that feeling your skin so tenderly against his own felt like an awful lot. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." You spoke softly, thumbs gently brushing over his cheeks. Your lips turned down further as you watched a tear drip down his cheek. "I never want to hurt you. You truly are someone I value greatly, you know that, right?"

"I-I was scared you wouldn't anymore."

"Silly boy," You teased, the left side of your mouth quirking up a little. "Knowing the wonderful man you are, how kind and caring you are, I really don't think there is anything you could ever do that would make me stop caring about you and want you in my life."

"You were gone for five days, noona."

"Yeah, I know." You frowned and started to lower your hands but he quickly put his own over your wrists and held you to him; you didn't try to pull away again and let him lead your touch back to his cheeks obligingly. He wasn't usually one to ask you for affection so you really weren't going to turn him away now that he finally had. "I just…I was being a coward. I was scared too, about how this would go, seeing you again after that. I felt so bad for leaving like that but I just…ran away. I'm not very emotionally competent, Kwan-ah," You admitted with a little pout that made his lips quirk up a little. "I've never been in that situation so I didn't know what to do. I should've just faced you the next day and not made you suffer these past days but I used my upcoming period as an excuse. If it helps though, I was genuinely in more pain this month so we both suffered."

"That doesn't make me feel better." He answered with a concerned frown. "I never want you to suffer, even if I am, I never want that for you." He brushed his thumbs over your wrists delicately. "Is everything okay? Why was it more painful?"

"I don't know, just one of those things I guess." You shrugged carelessly making his frown worsen.

"Noona, you can't be so careless about your health. What if it's a sign that something's wrong?"

"I can't go to the doctor because I had a more painful period than usual, Kwan-ah," You sighed, gently pulling your hands away to reach back and grab the hangers. He let out a displeased breath but obediently followed the silent instructions and removed his shoes to kick aside carelessly while unzipping his coat to remove. "They barely take periods seriously anyway, a one-off will be dismissed and a waste of my time going for."

"If it's worse again next month, you will go then?" He tossed his coat aside blindly in the direction of the couch. It fell short and landed on the floor but he didn't care.

"They'll dismiss it." You informed simply, watching as he removed his hoodie to also toss aside.

"Please, for me?" He requested, stopping with one arm out of his t-shirt to put his hand to yours over the hangers pleadingly.

"Fine," You conceded with a heavy sigh. "But if they just dismiss it, I get to say I told you so."

"Mm, okay. I'll even buy your favourite ice cream." He chuckled, taking the clothes from you to take to the couch and get changed there.

Even though Seungkwan was not particularly confident in his body he had changed in front of you so many times over the past two years- it was all part of being an idol with staff members around all the time during outfit changes- that he didn't even stop to think about the fact it was the first time that you two were alone while he changed, in a shut room. At least until you approached to start folding his own discarded clothes neatly so they didn't crease. And then Seungkwan looked at you, his own trousers around his ankles from just pushing them down and freezing. You could definitely see his dark boxer briefs as the plain white t-shirt stopped just below the waistband of his underwear. Suddenly, he was very self-conscious and aware of the fact you were alone and he had felt your lips brush his.

"Are you being Seungcheol?" You teased noticing him just stop and stand there. You didn't even look up at him and instead lowered down to your knees in front of him making his chest tighten and his fingers grip the edge of his borrowed t-shirt while he swallowed thickly. You didn't even notice, your hands were already on him; one on the back of his left calf and the other on the hem of his trouser leg. "Up." You encouraged. Numbly, Seungkwan lifted his left leg to allow you to pull his trousers off over his sock and then put his foot down before you swapped to his right leg to repeat the process efficiently. You leaned back and laid his trousers on the couch before grabbing the jeans off of the hanger.

It wasn't the first time that you had physically dressed a Seventeen member; Seungcheol especially since he hurt his knee, had required help with his trousers, socks and shoes and although he was healed now and capable, he still pouted at you until you helped him. Jeonghan could be pretty lazy too, especially near the end of concerts so you had more than once literally stripped him down to his boxers and redressed him when he was being too difficult for other staff who did not have a close enough relationship with the guys to do as much. The first few times had made Jeonghan blush and flustered for a while after, but these days he let it happen without any fuss. Mingyu was another who wanted to be doted on like Seungcheol, though he either went into playful flirt mode which always resulted in you either pinching or biting him depending on if your hands were busy, or he got shy and made it difficult for you as he tried to hide away despite whining for your help in the first place. The others always wondered how you could put up with Mingyu like that but you just shrugged and said it didn't bother you really as your job was to get them ready for the fans or cameras. Nobody ever pointed out that your job was only to do their makeup but you always went above and beyond what you were actually paid for. They liked you doting too much to want you to ever stop. Though they often tried to convince their higher-ups to increase your pay, something you genuinely were clueless about. The only time you had ever refused to help any of them dress was the one time Wonwoo had very uncharacteristically boldly called you over after a Hip Hop Unit stage, dressed in red leather and shining with sweat. You had taken one look at him and dismissively turned to touch up Jihoon's makeup again even though you had just finished. Nobody really knew what happened for you to refuse, though they were pretty sure it was some kind of disagreement between you two as you had both been kind of tense before that despite usually getting along really well. Seungkwan had actually suspected you two to be dating around that time and it was a lovers quarrel, but then he walked in on Wonwoo and Mingyu making out a few days later and realised he was very wrong.

"Are we tucking today?" You asked when the jeans were up over Seungkwan's ass and on his hips though still open. "Mm, it doesn't look long enough to tuck." You commented in answer to your own question, head tilted a little as you looked at the t-shirt still grasped in Seungkwan's grasp.

The door suddenly opened making Seungkwan inhale in slightly panicked surprise. Though to his relief, it was Hansol who entered, a carrier with three drinks in it balanced on his palm. "Uh," The younger male spoke, eyes wide on the position of the pair of you.

"Didn't know anyone was coming to watch Kwanie today." You commented after smiling in greeting at the young man while he awkwardly entered the room and shut the door behind him. You turned back to Seungkwan and reached out to do his jeans up for him, with hands now skilled at dressing and undressing others.

"Uhm, I heard you'd be here today so I thought I'd come like, check in," Hansol admitted, putting the drinks on the counter. Seungkwan gave his best friend a grateful looking knowing he actually meant that he was there to be moral support for Seungkwan.

"Ah," You made a noise of understanding and pointed to the shoes by the rack. "Grab those, would you?" Hansol nodded and quickly grabbed the shoes to take over and hand over. He stood a few feet behind you and silently watched as you helped Seungkwan into the shoes and made them all neat before you got to your feet.

It was very clear to the youngest that Seungkwan was feeling some things from having his crush, you, on your knees in front of him and clearly you had been there for a little while dressing Seungkwan, judging by how wide his eyes were and red his cheeks. Hansol wished he could help his friend out in some way but there wasn't anything he could realistically do.

You made short work of getting Seungkwan into the cardigan before leading him over to the makeup chair to get started. All while Seungkwan just let you. He kept his lips together and eyes big on you to watch you move around and take charge of getting him ready for the photo shoot so naturally that he wondered why you ever said that you didn't like being in charge of people. You always handled the guys so well and often delegated tasks amongst the staff yet when you had been offered a higher-paid position as head makeup artist, you had refused on the grounds that it was too much responsibility and pressure being in charge. Seungkwan wondered if you actually realised how much the rest of the staff and even the 13 idols listened to you, especially during changes backstage at concerts. You didn't get paid to take charge but you were the only one willing to get physical with the guys to get them where they needed to be or step in to calm them down when their tensions ran high.

"You haven't been doing your routine." You commented when you were leaning in closer to Seungkwan to carefully work on adding the tinted balm to his lips, the last step of the standard natural look routine you did to them all for these calmer shoots.

"Sorry," Seungkwan whispered back, fingers twisted in the hem of his t-shirt again; it was very creased at this point but neither of you had even noticed.

"Shall we do an intensive session later? We haven't done one of those in a while."

"Really?" His heart thrummed excitedly at the thought of spending an hour alone with you taking care of his skin. He always felt so relaxed and content after those sessions but it had truly been a while since your last, months.

"Mm." You hummed in confirmation, then leaned back and stepped away to give him the freedom to get up. You looked at your right hand where leftover balm was on the tip of your middle finger from dabbing it to his lips, then at your empty left hand. You usually had a tissue in hand but you hadn't picked one up today. Seungkwan looked at the counter with every intention of grabbing a tissue for you but your usual box wasn't there, nor your wipes. Without warning, you turned and approached Hansol and held his jaw in your clean hand to apply the balm to his lips. He had been kind of alarmed at the sudden grab, even if it was rather gentle in your true fashion, but quickly understood and just stood still and let you. He even smacked his lips together when you pulled your right hand back, making you giggle. Hansol smiled at you and Seungkwan watched, looking between you two and, not for the first time, he noticed how good you looked together. Then again, he thought you looked good next to any of his members. He wondered if anyone ever thought that he looked good with you. Probably not.

"What's going on with Boo's hair?" Hansol asked curiously, causing you to turn back around to Seungkwan.

"I don't need to do anything, Kwanie already looks handsome enough," You informed, though approached to run your left fingers through his hair a little just to fix the strands that getting changed had messed up.

"Seungkwanie is really handsome already, huh, noona?" Hansol grinned to himself as he watched Seungkwan fluster a little at your genuine praise.

"Mm, people will be more interested in Seungkwanie than the product," You continued, knowing Hansol was baiting you to tease his friend and willing to play along.

"Stop," Seungkwan whined a little. "You're being ridiculous."

"Excuse you, I am being honest." You scolded and gently tilted his head upwards to meet your eyes. "You're beautiful, Boo Seungkwan." Even with the concealers and foundation on his skin, Seungkwan's resulting blush could be spotted.

Hansol watched Seungkwan's expression melt under your honest gaze, nothing but pure unfiltered adoration in his eyes. Hansol wondered if Seungkwan had always looked at you in that way when he thought that no one was looking and able to call him out on it, or if it was now something he was unable to hide since his truth came out. He wondered if you saw Seungkwan's gaze and knew what it meant, how the kiss wasn't his full truth.

Since that day at his solo shoot, when Seungkwan had more personal time with you than he ever had and really understood that you truly saw no change in your relationship despite the kiss attempt, he had slowly invited you to spend time together more and more. He had always wanted to spend more time with you but he had been too scared of his feelings coming out and ruining things, but that had already happened and you were perhaps closer than you had ever been.

Over the past few months, you went from seeing each other pretty much just at work or when you were hanging out with other members and Seungkwan happened to be there too, to texting every day often with video calls at night as you both unwound and did your nightly skincare routines together, and spending time together alone outside of work with none of the other members.

At first, Seungkwan had been worried that you wouldn't want to spend so much time with him but you had always happily agreed to spend time together and had even started to suggest hanging out yourself; at first with something specific in mind like visiting something that you felt you'd both enjoy or to get a meal, but then you would just ask to hang out with no plan in mind. The first time you had admitted that you had no plans and just wanted to spend time with him, Seungkwan had honest-to-god almost burst his heart through his chest like something out of an old cartoon. It still made his heart flutter madly when you would skip over to him and cutely hold onto his arm to request quality time with handsome Seungkwanie, but he had a much better control over his heart these days. Well, for the most part.

"What are we doing here?" Seungkwan muttered alarmed, heart racing with nerves in his chest as he woodenly followed you into the bridal boutique; the same one he had visited a few weeks ago with his sister to pick up her wedding dress and his suit.

"Unnie said she's put aside a few options for me." You replied simply.

"Options? For what?" He worried, following you over to the reception desk. "Noona?" He hissed desperately but you were already talking to the staff; the same woman who had served him last time. He was wearing a mask and cap this time but he was pretty sure the woman recognised him based on the smile she shot his way. He bowed a little in polite greeting. Seungkwan felt so out of his depth even as he was led over to the dressing rooms and told to sit on the couch, just like his first visit here to help his sister pick out her dress with her best friend and their mother.

And then he was alone as you went into the room and the staff wandered off, though returned minutes later with a few dresses all in the soft lilac Naeryin had picked for her bridal party, him included. Seungkwan's throat dried with nerves. Were you invited to the wedding? He knew that you and Naeryin had developed a friendship of sorts since you met a little over a year ago at one of Seventeen's concerts and would meet when Naeryin was in Seoul on those rare times, but neither of you had ever said a word about you attending the wedding. He genuinely did not know if he could handle seeing you surrounded by his family like that, like you were one of them.

Seungkwan had been so caught up in his worries that he hadn't even noticed the door open until the staff stood from where she was perched on the stool and clapped happily. Seungkwan looked up and saw you standing shyly in a silky lilac off-the-shoulder dress that gathered in at your waist highlighting your curvy figure and stopped just above your knees. Seungkwan could see the hint of a tattoo on your right thigh; he didn't even know that you had tattoos and the thought made him kind of lightheaded. Well, more than he already was.

"What do you think?" You asked nervously, fingers fiddling with the straps of your bra on show thanks to the sleeves. "I'd wear a different bra, of course so imagine without the straps." You encouraged, big eyes locked on Seungkwan who was just staring dumbly at you and wishing he hadn't removed his mask and hat because now his awestruck expression was embarrassingly in full view.

"You look so beautiful!" The staff enthused when Seungkwan remained silent. You smiled gratefully and turned your attention to the staff who approached to coo over how well the dress suited you and literally looked tailored to your body despite being off the rack. "You two are going to look so beautiful together, have you seen your boyfriend's suit? He looks so handsome in it!"

"Uhm, he's not my boyfriend." You corrected softly, cheeks a little pink and gaze suddenly focused down on the skirt as you fiddled with it. "Friends."

"Oh, I apologise, I just thought because his sister personally set aside options for you to attend her wedding and asked for silk like her brother's shirt…I assumed. I'm sorry."

"It's fine." You assured, placing a gentle hand on the staff's arm comfortingly. "I'll go change back. I'm more than happy with this dress so I won't try the others." Then you were back in the dressing room, the door clicking to a lock behind you and Seungkwan still hadn't moved a muscle.

It took until you were at your usual coffee shop, at your usual table at the back half hidden behind a divider and plants, that Seungkwan managed to actually say a word.

"You're coming to the wedding?" He asked, fingers playing with the edge of his mug as he stared down at it.

"Mm, the makeup artist that unnie picked turned out to be really uncomfortable to be around when the girls went to trial their looks for the day, and so unnie asked me if I could help them out as they had decided to just do each other's makeup instead of stressing to find a wedding makeup artist in time. Of course, I said yes and then unnie said I should now accept the invite seeing as I'll be there anyway," You shrugged and then sipped at your drink.

"Noona invited you already?" You nodded in confirmation. "And you said no?"

"I wouldn't really know anyone and would feel really out of place and anxious the whole time."

"You'd know me."

"Mm, but you're her man of honour, Kwan-ah, you have duties to attend to so I didn't want to add more on top. I know you'd feel responsible for looking after me and making sure I'm comfortable." He opened his mouth as if to argue but then closed it again making you giggle. You both knew that he would be doing exactly that. "But I have a real purpose for being there now, and I met the girls through video chat and they're lovely so I think I'll be okay and you won't need to worry about me."

"I'll always worry about you." He replied automatically in a gentle tone. You peered up at him and then aside, eyes unintentionally landing on your dress laid over the back of the seat on your right side in a protective black dress bag to keep it clean. Seungkwan followed your gaze automatically and recalled how you had looked in the dress and how he had lost all ability to talk. He felt guilty for not telling you how beautiful you looked. Bravely, he took the chance to now. "I should've said this earlier when you asked but I think you look so beautiful in that dress, noona." You slid your eyes back to him, a little rounder now at the compliment. "I was just…lost for words. I've never seen you like that before."

"Yeah, I was worried it would be weird, wearing a dress in front of you." You admitted, directing your focus to your mug between your hands. "I was supposed to go pick a dress a few days ago but I uh, wanted you to be there."

"Me?"

You nodded. "So the first time you see me in a dress isn't the day of the wedding."

Seungkwan knew that you didn't mean it that way, that you weren't talking about your wedding but he was now thinking about it; what kind of dress you would choose to wear when you promised to be by his side forever and love him until the world stops spinning. Seungkwan had never thought of that before; marrying someone specific, being in love with you and spending your lives together, but now that he had, he realised how much he quite liked the thought. The past months together were supposed to be his way of forming a connection with you that would allow you to see him in a romantic manner like you had started to with Seungcheol last year. But it seemed it had just made Seungkwan's feelings burn brighter and his crush turn into something more.

"Kind of desensitise you, I guess?" You continued, unaware of the fact that Seungkwan had just realised and accepted that he was falling in love with you. "Though I guess once isn't enough to desensitise," You mused, lifting your mug to sip at.

"I guess you're going to have to wear dresses around me a lot in the next few weeks." He replied, surprised at how smoothly he had gotten the words out when the thought of seeing you in dresses so much was genuinely giving his lungs some issue drawing in oxygen.

"Kind of impractical to wear at work." You replied, eyes curving with your smile over the edge of your mug.

"Mm, I guess so." He agreed and took a drink before lowering his mug and licking his lips. "Then the only thing to do is spend more time together outside of work."

"That would mean going home and changing instead of going straight to wherever we want to go. We barely make it before closing to a lot of things as it is, Kwan-ah."

"I don't mind." He shrugged, playing it off and looking back down to where his left index finger was tracing over the edge of his mug. "I don't mind what we do, so long as we're together."

"Oh," You licked your lips and looked down yourself, cheeks a little pink and not noticing that his were the exact same. "Me either. I don't mind either. I just like spending time with you."

Seungkwan looked up and noticed how shy you looked with your blush and downturned eyes. Maybe, just maybe his plan had worked and you were starting to like him too. Bravely, he uncrossed his ankles to stretch his leg out just enough to tap his foot to yours lightly. You peered up at him through your lashes for a few seconds before you moved your own foot to be beside his own. Seungkwan's heart thumped and he had to quickly lift his mug to hide the fond dopey smile that lifted his lips.

The weeks until the wedding passed in a blur of flushed cheeks and shy giggles between you two. You made sure to fit in time together at every chance that you both could, and where possible you always wore a dress. The dresses were all casual and comfortable, ranging from simple pinafores to cute summer dresses; all of which stopped around your knees and never showed any more skin than your arms and the slight glimpse at the top of your chest, but every single one made Seungkwan's heart thrum because it was for him. Not quite in the way he wanted but he still hoped and started to believe as the days passed that you were no longer just desensitising him but dressing to look nice for him. He had noticed that sometimes you wore a little more makeup than usual or did something with your hair; he always complimented you on it and felt pride swell in his chest at the way you'd turn shy and blush without fail before taking his hand to lead him off somewhere different every time. At some point in those weeks, it stopped feeling like two friends hanging out and more, dare he say it, like dates. Something Seungkwan regularly screeched to Hansol about when they were safe from others overhearing. He couldn't help but wonder if you had felt the same too.

Then the day arrived that you two travelled to Jeju together ready for the wedding the next day. Of course, Seungkwan had been basically booked in to stay at his parent's house for the weekend but had said to you when you were trying to figure out your own accommodation that he'd get a room at the hotel too so that you could go together. You had refused saying he should stay with his family otherwise they'd be very disappointed and he would regret not taking the chance while he could. He had understood your point, so had just helped you book a hotel for the trip with something hidden in his chest saying that he wouldn't regret it as much as you thought.

There had actually been a bit of a fuss leaving Seoul as somehow people had found out that Seungkwan would be at the airport, but at least you had known ahead of leaving for the airport so Hybe had put together a team to escort you two through the airport safely with a few of the security getting on the flight too in case it was crazy at the other end. But Jeju airport had been pretty much quiet so the staff had gotten back on the next flight back to Seoul after making sure you two were safely in the car Seungkwan had rented for the trip.

Although Seungkwan could drive, he wasn't all that confident about it and it was even worse with you in the car as he didn't want to look incompetent, especially in his home town. You were always the one driving you two around in Seoul and honestly, Seungkwan preferred it that way because there was something really attractive about the way you drove; as if you had no concerns at all and had been driving your whole life. And you always let him put whatever music he wanted on; Seungkwan was pretty sure that lately you had even started to sing along under your breath and he's anticipating the day he actually hears you sing for the first time. So Seungkwan liked it much better when you drove but he had wanted to drive this time so that you could take in everything you passed without having your mind mostly on safety.

Initially, you two had planned for Seungkwan to drive you straight to the hotel to let you settle in and he'd go to his parent's house, but he had looked at you and saw how bright your eyes were as you took in the beautiful sights that he didn't want to part already. So he drove around showing you various things, pointing out places and telling you his associated memories; things he hadn't even really had the chance or urge to tell his members but he wanted you to know. He wanted you to know everything about him and to know everything about you in return.

"Do you think I could go to your home town with you one day?" He requested when he finally pulled up into the drop-off zone outside the hotel, hours after landing and with a few calls from his family wondering where he was. They hadn't said much after he had said that he was showing you around, but he knew that he was going to be bundled with questions from his mother in particular about when he was going to ask you out. Not because Seungkwan had ever told anyone but Hansol about his feelings for you, but because his family just knew him too well, especially his sisters.

"My home town?" You questioned looking at him with one hand on the door handle ready to get out. He nodded. "No."

His face fell a little. "Oh, okay, sorry, I just thought-"

"Not because of you, Kwan-ah," You assured, reaching over to pick his hand up from where it was still resting on the handbrake. "But because I don't want to go back there myself, let alone show someone who means so much to me that part of my life."

"You don't?" He frowned concernedly. "I didn't know you felt that way."

"Mm, there's a reason I've been in Seoul as long as I have." You squeezed his hand a little then smiled and removed your seat belt.

"Will you tell me about it? One day?"

"Maybe." You agreed and got out. He quickly followed to help you take your case and large makeup case out of the boot. "Go before your parents call again." You teased, trying to wave him off.

"I will." He agreed though stood there, one hand on the car and the other in the pocket of his shorts. "Go in." He encouraged with a closed-lipped smile on his face as he tilted his chin towards the hotel. You didn't react immediately, just looked at him and he was very certain that your gaze travelled him up and down before you did turn and scuttled off into the hotel. "Did she just check me out?" He muttered in stunned disbelief, finally moving to get back into the car. Once inside he just sat there dumbly, one hand pressed to his juddering heart. "I think she checked me out." He laughed in happy disbelief though jumped when there was a horn behind him. He quickly strapped himself in and disengaged the handbrake to drive off and let the taxi behind pull up.

Seungkwan had already seen you for breakfast which all of the wedding party were invited to at the resort where the wedding was to take place. You had tried to say that you weren't part of the party, just a guest doing makeup but Naeryin had not accepted that at all. Especially as Seungkwan would then be at the resort for the rest of the day making sure that everything was ready and you needed to get there early yourself to start on the bridal makeup and get ready too. So Naeryin had pointed out that it just made sense for you to join them all for breakfast so that her poor little brother didn't have to drive so much and add extra stress on his shoulders; a manipulation that you were very aware was happening but too caring of Seungkwan to avoid.

You two had sat side by side at breakfast and Seungkwan had done his utmost to not be obvious with his feelings in front of his family but clearly, he had failed as his sisters especially kept giving him knowing grins every time he met their eyes. He just stopped looking at them in the end.

But then you had to part ways; Seungkwan to do his duties putting his eye for detail to the test in the actual venue and you to go with the bride and her bridesmaids to help her get ready. Watching you walk off laughing with his sisters had made Seungkwan feel kind of giddy. His family loved you and that made him happier than he could put into words.

Seungkwan had just finished spending a good twenty minutes trying to get one particular strand of hair in the right place, wanting to look perfect for his sister's wedding (and also to impress you) when there was a knock on the door of the room designated to him to get ready for the wedding. He had already been in there for over an hour to shower and get into his grey suit with a lilac silk shirt underneath. You had that morning obligingly given him makeup products for him to apply himself, he really wanted to look perfect for Naeryin's wedding. And he had done a pretty good job if he said so himself, not as good as you would've but good enough.

"Kwan-ah?" Your voice passed through the door making him freeze. He was suddenly hit with the very real thought that he was not ready to face you. "Can I come in? I'm done with the girls so I can help you now, if you want it."

"U-uhm, yeah-yeah, you can come in." He called then swallowed thickly when the door started to open.

Seungkwan's hands fell to his sides and he automatically turned around to face you as you walked into the room. He had already seen you in the dress and that was hard enough to deal with but now that you had your hair done, makeup on and feet strapped into a pair of pretty lilac heels, he really did forget to breathe for a few long seconds.

"Oh," You exhaled when you took in Seungkwan as you approached, your beautifully made-up eyes widening a little even as you came to a stop just out of arms reach. With the heels on, you were a few inches taller than him and usually, Seungkwan would hate that but with you, he didn't even care.

"You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen." Seungkwan breathed out, chest heaving as he quickly rushed to refill his suddenly burning lungs. You looked away shyly as a blush bloomed on your skin. With your shoulders and the top of your chest exposed like that, Seungkwan could see for the first time that your chest coloured prettily when you blushed. It was probably not a very good piece of information to have right then if he wished to remain sane enough for the wedding. But, too late.

"You should see Naeryin-unnie, she looks like a princess." You replied and looked back up at him. You stepped forward without thought and easily fixed that annoying strand of hair without any hassle.

"I don't doubt it, my sisters are all beautiful. But I can never put you in the same place as any of them, they're my family and you…" He breathed out, fingers ghosting over your arms where they were both still raised, gently brushing your fingers over his face to smooth out any imperfections in his makeup.

Your hands stilled and you redirected your gaze from his cheek to meet his eyes. "I'm what, Kwan-ah?" You asked quietly, almost a whisper between them.

"You know," His expression tightened and turned a little desperate as his fingers curled around your forearms. "You've got to know by now, Y/N."

"I…I have my suspicions." You admitted and licked your berry-stained lips. "When you kissed me, it-it wasn't just a spur-of-the-moment thing, was it?"

Seungkwan swallowed thickly.

Part of him didn't want this conversation to happen, not today of all days when he wasn't certain where it was headed and he already had so much on his shoulders to make sure that his sister had the wedding of her dreams. But the other part of him wouldn't be able to think of anything else if you didn't talk about it now, if you walked away and left it for another time or never again. His heart was so full in his chest, so full of all the little quirks and habits of you that he couldn't not know for certain anymore. He needed to know if the hope in his chest should get shoved back in the bottom of the box for a future Seungkwan, or if he could let it become something more.

"No," He admitted quietly, fingers curling a little further but still not really applying much pressure. You always treated him so carefully that he couldn't help but do the same back.

"And it was more than just…wanting to kiss me?" He nodded a little. "More as in…you like me?"

Seungkwan inhaled softly before nodding. "Yeah, noona, I like you. I liked you so much then that it just overflowed and I couldn't stop it before I realised what I was doing. And now?" He huffed a little laugh. "I like you so fucking much that I'm constantly scared my heart is going to burst from my chest like those cartoons from when we were kids." You laughed a little at his choice of wording but you didn't look like you were laughing at him. If Seungkwan had to pick a word to describe how you were looking at him, he'd say endeared.

"That much that you're turning into a Looney Toon?" You teased, settling one palm more solidly against his cheek while the other moved to press to his chest and felt the jack rabbiting of his heart against your touch. "Sounds pretty serious, Kwan-ah."

"Y-yeah," He swallowed, not entirely sure where this was going but that hope was flitting around his torso disrupting the butterflies that had laid resting in his stomach. "Can you please tell me if you feel the same way or not because it's driving me crazy not knowing, noona," He whispered pleadingly. You smiled gently at him then leaned in to press your lips to his. Seungkwan's hands tightened around your arms and his eyes closed as he kissed you back with his face warming dramatically. "Y-you do? You like me too?" He asked for clarification purposes when you leaned back and watched his eyes flutter open.

"Yeah, Seungkwan, I like you too." You confirmed then giggled when he surged in to kiss you, not that it really worked when you were giggling and he was smiling brightly.

"Let me take you on a date tomorrow." He requested.

"I can't," You frowned a little, which worsened when you watched his face fall. "I promised to go to the spa with your mum tomorrow."

"What?" He blinked at you dumbly. "The spa? With my mum?" You nodded. "Uh…what?"

"Apparently you've told her a bunch of times that I'm the one who always tells you what skincare products to use so she wanted my opinion for her own skin and then it kind of quickly went from agreeing to go product shopping with her to skipping all that and going to the spa."

"Oh," Slowly, Seungkwan's cheeks lifted as he smiled. "I like that, that you're going to do something with my mum. I'm really happy that you get along with my family."

"Me too. I was nervous but they've been so welcoming to me. Sprinkled with not-so-subtle hints that you should be getting married to start a family of your own." You giggled when he whined and tilted down to hide embarrassedly against your neck. You wound your arms around his neck and played with his hair gently to not ruin the styling. Seungkwan's complaints fell silent, too content being in your arms for the first time to be anything but happy while his arms went around your waist. "You have things to do," You remembered after a minute of just holding each other.

"I want to do this."

"We can do this whenever we want, Kwan-ah, Naeryin-unnie only gets her wedding once. At least I hope so, I hope this is a long happy marriage for her, she deserves it."

"She does." He agreed and straightened up to look at you. "I know-I know it's not quite the same, but you deserve a long, happy relationship too, noona. And I hope I can be the person who gives it to you. If you'll have me?"

"Kwan-ah," You exhaled fondly and couldn't help but kiss him softly.

"Yes? Yes, you'll let me?" He asked, hope thick in his voice.

"Unnie will kill us for getting together on her wedding."

"She wo- okay, she would." He sighed heavily and slumped a little, lips turning pouty. "I've wanted to call you my girlfriend for so long and now I'm stopped again just when I thought it was really going to happen. Because my sister wants all the attention."

"Let her have it." You giggled.

His lips pouted further. "I can't call you my girlfriend now because of my sister and can't take you on a date tomorrow because of my mum, what's even the point of confessing?"

"You're so dramatic, Kwan-ah." You teased, tugging on his ear a little and noticed him trying to fight the twitch of his lips giving away his smile. "I have a good reason for confession regardless of the current holdbacks in being together." He tilted his head a little in question. You smirked then kissed him, mouth moving slowly this time, all lingering and none of the sweetness of earlier. Seungkwan couldn't help but groan slightly, soft and barely audible but still present as he tilted further into the kiss to match the intensity as his fingers curled into your hips.

"Think that kinda makes it worse." He murmured a few minutes later, some of your lipstick on his lips and your own a little smeared. He had the sudden urge to lean back in and make it even worse, ruin your makeup and take you apart. But he didn't, he proved to himself that he had self-control and leaned back.

"So no to doing that again?"

"I didn't say that," He rushed making you laugh. He smiled and pecked your lips before moving back. "You should fix your lipstick, baby." Your eyes widened a little at the petname. "Is-is that too much?" He asked, cheeks flushed and not just from the kiss.

"Hell no," You answered immediately then grabbed his face to kiss again. He couldn't help but kiss you back, hands secure on your waist. "Call me all the petnames you want, sweetheart."

It was Seungkwan who surged back in then, pushing you back against the dresser behind you making you gasp into the kiss. For a split second, Seungkwan wondered if putting his tongue in your mouth was too far but then it was already happening and your fingers were curling into his hair to keep him close.

You both knew that you really should not be making out, especially so heavily right then. Seungkwan really did have duties to attend to in order for the wedding to go ahead properly in a little under an hour. But you both got caught up in each other's mouths until Seungkwan's phone started to ring in his back pocket.

"Fuck, fuck, okay," Seungkwan panted out, reluctantly pulling away. Your lipstick was a complete mess now and he knew that you would need to redo your makeup and no doubt his too. He couldn't help but kiss you again as he pulled out his phone to lift. "You're going to drive me insane, you know?" He chuckled, pushing back with his hand pressed against the dresser at your side.

"Likewise," You replied simply, watching him heavily as he answered the call of his oldest sister asking where he was.

"Getting ready." He spoke into the device, eyes roaming over your body openly now that he could. "Mm, noona's going to do my makeup and hair for me then I'll be there." He hummed again in response to whatever Yerin said then hung up and put his phone back in his pocket. "I want to kiss you again but I know they'll come to drag me off if I'm not there soon."

"Mm, better keep our hands and lips to ourselves then." You pushed off of the dresser and walked over to pick up the makeup wipes from the dressing table where everything was still laid out. "Come on," You encouraged, pointing to the stool with one hand, the other already wiping off your badly smeared lipstick. Seungkwan moved his phone into his inner blazer pocket before obediently sitting down and grabbing a wipe himself to remove the mess on him too. As he worked he wondered if maybe he had a kink for smeared lipstick, because he really hadn't wanted either of you to remove it and could easily imagine you in various lipsticks under him, the colour smeared across your face and down your neck. And he was really fucking into it.

You went into professional mode once the products were in your hands and Seungkwan easily followed suit without consciously doing so. You both had a job to do here regardless of your own feelings and you would both feel endlessly guilty if anything went wrong because of you.

After two years of working with Seventeen, you had Seungkwan's makeup done swiftly then fixed his hair into place before sending him off. He leaned over to press one last kiss to your lips, this one soft and short then he rushed off leaving you grinning to yourself as you cleaned up his room.

In the end, the wedding went off without a hitch even if Naeryin had turned into an anxious mess at the last second and had to be talked down by her entire bridal team while you hovered at the side awkwardly with a little bag of emergency makeup supplies in hand in case Naeryin needed a touch up during the afternoon. Which she did need then, and also after the actual marriage ceremony itself when she cried happily at her new husband's sweet vows.

But after that, you were constantly swept away by various family members wanting to know you because it seemed that all of Seungkwan's family liked to gossip. And despite his sister literally getting married, they were all fascinated by the young woman in attendance who their dear Seungkwanie spent most of his time with in Seoul, both in and out of work. Despite that, you did genuinely enjoy yourself and loved meeting his family and old family friends who were in attendance. The stories of little Seungkwan were also a great joy for you, you just wished there had been pictures too.

Still, a little after sunset while the sky was still tinted orange, you needed a break so you escaped the beautiful hall full of people happily talking and dancing to the loud music, and wandered to the beach just a few minutes away; part of the resort so thankfully hidden from the general public. There were a few resort goers dotted along the beach but none of them paid you any attention as you walked along the sand, heels dangling in your left hand and enjoying the calm.

Seungkwan had noticed a lack of you pretty quickly, always swivelling his head around to make sure that his relatives weren't being too much meaning he'd need to intervene, but you had always been smiling and looking genuinely happy that he left you alone mostly. And when he had seen you holding his baby cousin and dancing with her, smiling brightly as the one-year-old giggled away in your arms, Seungkwan knew he definitely could not approach you then because he just knew he'd kiss you and ask you to forget about his sister and be his already regardless of the group you had been standing with. Something about you with kids had always gotten to him and now seeing you with a kid that shared his blood, well he was really understanding that his subconscious had been trying to tell him that you'd be good with your shared kids.

But when he noticed your presence gone entirely, he grew distracted until the bride herself slapped his arm. "I'm talking to you, asshole."

"Mm, yeah, I know, I'm listening." He replied, not even looking at her.

"No, you're not." Naeryin looked around too and understood. "She's probably gone to the bathroom, relax little bro, Y/N is fine."

"She's not good with all this; people and noise." He replied, frowning a little in open concern. "She always has to take breaks."

"Then she's taking a break. If it's normal, why are you so worried?"

"Because I know where she takes her breaks in Seoul, I don't know where she is right now."

"Wow," The low whistle made Seungkwan look at his sister. He only intended a quick glance but the smirk on her face wouldn't let him look away. "You're really whipped for her, huh?"

"Uhm," Seungkwan eloquently replied, cheeks pinkening a little.

"For what it's worth, I'm very positive it's mutual."

"I…I know." He admitted, looking down and fiddling with the rolled cuff of his silky shirt, jacket long ago removed thanks to the heat in the hall.

"You know?" He nodded. "As in you left your girlfriend alone the past hours for our overbearing relatives to grill?!" She reached out and hit him again, harder this time making him yell a little in complaint and step away, rubbing his hand over the impact spot on his upper arm.

"She's not my girlfriend."

"What?" She deadpanned. "You confessed to each other and you're not together? You're dumber than I thought, Seungkwan."

"It's because of you!" He defended poutily. "It happened today and we didn't want to distract from your day by getting together!"

"Are you serious?" He nodded and suddenly was pulled into a hug. "I appreciate it and love you endlessly for thinking of me but you really need to stop putting others first all the time. You've already done so much for me today and for today, Kwanie. You've made me so happy, now go make yourself happy, hm?"

"R-really? I can-I can do that?"

"Yeah, you deserve it. I think you two will be really good together." Naeryin informed as she leaned back and straightened her dress back out from the hug. "Who knows, maybe the next wedding will be you two." She teased.

"Noona," He whined embarassedly. "Don't. She already told me you've all been saying I need to get married and start a family and hinting that she should do it with me."

"Yeah," Naeryin giggled. "Pretty sure mum is already deciding which heirloom to give her first."

"Ugh, stop." He hid in his hands but he was happy, so happy. His mother thinking about heirlooms to pass to you meant she had entirely accepted you as a future member of the family and that really had his chest ballooning with pride and joy.

"Just go find her," Naeryin laughed, pushing her little brother away a little causing him to stumble slightly. "Before my new brother-in-law does. Either way, she'll wind up my sister." She teased. Seungkwan glanced over to the older brother of his new brother-in-law; a genuinely lovely guy with a classically handsome face and tall broad build; he kind of reminded Seungkwan of Mingyu in that way. Seungkwan's face turned down a little with obvious distaste, not at the man but at the thought of him going after you. "Stop glaring like an angry pomeranian and go,"

That time, Seungkwan did go, leaving the hall to step into the much cooler night air. He knew that you loved the beach so he didn't hesitate in heading that way.

It really did not take long for him to spot you crouched down at the water's edge and staring intently at something. Seungkwan approached slowly after removing his shoes and socks, taking his time to admire you in the growing moonlight. "Is it treasure?" He asked softly when he was behind you. You looked over at him and smiled a little before nodding. You then reached into the water to dig around in the wet sand while he just watched. Then you pulled your hand out and sent a finger heart his way with a cheeky grin while he cracked up laughing. You giggled and turned back to look at the little crab which you had been watching scuttle around. "Ah, noona, you're so cute." He cooed when he had calmed and moved to crouch down at your side. "Ah, a crab." He understood upon spotting the little creature.

"It's cute, huh?" You mused and he hummed.

"There's rock pools a little further down," He informed, pointing down the shore a little. You got to your feet quickly, grabbing his hand as you moved to pull him up. He chuckled and obligingly got up so that you could walk along the sand hand in hand. "I just spoke to Naeryin-noona," He informed gently, adjusting his hand in yours so that your fingers could lace together. You squeezed his hand a little and hummed encouragingly. "About us." That made you stop and look at him with raised eyebrows so he too stopped and turned to face you. "She told me to stop putting others first."

"She's got a point, you can be really selfless, Kwan-ah,"

"Mm, I know. I'm trying."

"Good." You smiled gently. "What has that got to do with us though?"

"She told me to be with you now,"

"She did?" He nodded and smiled when yours grew. "Really?"

"Yeah. So, as we have permission, can I call you my girlfriend from now on?"

You rapidly nodded and moved closer. "Yeah, yeah, you can but only if you kiss me right now."

"Deal," He grinned then dropped both his shoes and your hand to take your face into his hands and kiss you. You squealed a little but it turned into a little happy giggle as you kissed him back, your free hand holding onto his waist. "I like you, so much, noona," He informed breathlessly when the passionate kiss ended and he pulled back just enough to look at you with nothing but joy and adoration shining in his eyes. "I want to be with you for a long time. I want to make you happy for a long time."

"I want that too, Kwan-ah," You confirmed. "I want to be by your side for as long as you'll put up with me."

He laughed. "Me put up with you? Baby, you're so ridiculous, you're everything good in the world. It's me who should be saying that, me and my attitude problem. I'll work on it and try to stop side-eyeing everyone all the time."

"No," You pouted a little. "I like the side-eye."

"What?" He muttered bewildered. "You like the side-eye?"

"Yeah, there's something really hot about the way you do it." You admitted, a little embarrassed to admit that but not shying away, especially when his smile slipped into a seductive smirk.

"Yeah? You think I'm hot like that?" He murmured lowly.

"I think you're unfairly attractive all the time, baby, just something about the side-eye makes me want to take you somewhere private and have my way with you." Seungkwan's expression dropped in a split second at the implication of your words. You could see the arousal swirl into his eyes at the very thought. You couldn't help but giggle, which snapped him out of the minor trance.

"You demon," He murmured but you just giggled again and his lips turned back up into a fond smile as he admired the way the starlight reflected in your eyes. At least now, he finally had the confirmation that you truly did look beautiful under the stars.

"Mm, and this is just the start of what it's like to be in a relationship with me. It's too late to back out now though, you're my boyfriend, you're stuck with me for a long time."

"I'm more than okay with that," And well, you know the phrase; truer words had never been spoken.

A/N; I hope you enjoyed this cute lil Seungkwanie story! Don't be shy to let me know what you think <3 Also, I can't be the only one who thinks his side eye is weirdly hot, right? 👀

[plaguedoctormemes]

i'm not deleting my tumblr blogs but this whole debacle with the AI stuff is discouraging me to at least not post original content here and limit my time on social media in general. Also to be clear on my stance on AI, which I think is very much influenced by my background as both an artist and a professional graphic designer: I think it can be a very useful tool and I don't even necessarily inherently find it completely harmful. Some forms of AI are already well used and completely normalized, but I find most of the time generative AI as we know it is pretty harmful and its harms outweighs its benefits currently (largely grifts, scams and misinfo). It needs regulation desperately, but old cunt politicians are too dumb to really care about or understand how important the issue is right now. I do not believe that AI will simply peter off or crash. From a marketing standpoint, i feel like AI usage will cool off or become more specialized (like creating whole machines *just* trained on individual brands for personal use and whatnot) but I have no idea how far away that would be. I just believe there might come a time where everyone is over the "spectacle" of generative AI and will find it inaffective or inherently associated with cheapness. At least in the most base sense in advertising, it is generally much better to have your own photographs and original branded artwork as it proves authenticity. You can only see a illusionist do so many tricks before you're bored by them and expect them, and we're already getting to the point where even the average Joe is tired of hearing about AI and the future, and at least when it comes to art and writing i just... don't care? i don't give a shit about it. BACK TO TUMBLR: I'm aware that its likely that mine and everyone elses' posts here have already been scraped. My thing is that it's more the symbolism of Tumblr's "opt-out" choice: memorial blogs, inactive blogs, and so on are going to be scraped without consent. No banners or pop ups to notify users of this change, you either have to either HAPPEN UPON to see staff's post or see others talk about it to even know about it. Since the beginning of this whole AI boom i had no issue with AI data training as long as it's consentual and ethical, but obviously it most of the time isnt. Tumblr's method of rolling out this change was purposely underhanded. I'm never going to simply be "okay" or normalize in my mind the fact that big tech companies feel entitled to people's privacy- which i believe extends to our online lives. I don't think myself or anyone else should ever feel completely apathetic to the fact that people you don't know, that definitely do not need it, are making money off of you without your consent or knowledge. Just to be clear this isnt about what is and isnt "real art" or whatever for me. It's just a huge distraction from the main point, a big debate that will go absolutely nowhere. What's more important about it is that big techs and billionaires don't have interest in making the world a better place, they only care about eliminating our "distractions" that get in the way of them making money and accumulating more wealth. My solution: We need to make them deepthroat shotguns and machetes.

[morallyinept]

A full transcribe of MAX LORD'S dialogue/lines from the film WONDER WOMAN 1984

Includes full dialogue, and dialogue from any deleted/additional scenes available.

I've created this as a point of reference when writing for Pedro's characters, and I hope you find it useful. Even if you just want to read the dialogue. 🖤

FULL MASTERLIST OF PEDRO CHARACTERS DIALOGUE

☝🏻Dialogue has been fully transcribed by myself using reference to original scripts (if available), audio subtitles and using my own two ears. Therefore, mistakes can be made, however I have tried to be as fully accurate as I can. If you spot an obvious mistake, please kindly let me know. Where audio is not clear, I have marked with *inaudible* Scenes are separated for ease of reference.

FULL SCRIPT DIALOGUE:

Welcome to the future. Life is good, but it can be better. And why shouldn’t it be? Everything we’ve ever dreamed about is right at our fingertips. But are you reaping the rewards? Do you… have it all? 

Welcome to Black Gold Cooperative. The first oil company run for the people, by the people. Think about finally having everything you’ve always wished for. 

For a low monthly fee, you can own a piece of the most lucrative industry in the world. And every time we strike gold, you strike gold. 

No matter who you are, no matter what you do, you deserve to have it all. Do you have everything you’ve ever wanted? Aren’t you tired of always wishing you had more? Join me today. Operators are standing by. You don’t need a pile of money or some business degree to get started. You don’t even have to work hard for it. 

At Black Gold Cooperative, all you need is to want it. 

__________________

A pleasure, Ms. Minerva. 

No.

Life is good, but it can be better!

“The oil guy,” I’ll take it. 

Well, what can I say, doctor. Your reputation precedes you. And apparently we share a passion for gemology. 

What? 

I'm right here! Haha! 

Life is good, but it can be better. Hahaha! 

Well, I have a great relationship with Sears. I can get you a brand-new TV by the end of the day. Nineteen inches. No strings attached. 

Okay.

It's going to be an amazing party. I hope you have something nice to wear. 

I agree. Except, I like to party. 

You like Latin dancing? 

Really? No, I doubt that you’re a terrible dancer, the shape that you're in. 

You know, I really should be going. Thank you for the tour. I will have to see you tonight. 

Thank you, John. 

__________________

Ladies. Not now, Raquel. My supplements? 

How? How! Yes, clearly. Alistair. 

It's not done yet, buddy. But it doesn't matter. You just have to be patient. I told you the pool, the helicopter, you’ll have it all. But remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day, was it? No. 

Well, it takes time to become a great, great, number-one man like your dad is going to be. 

Simon. These offices aren’t ready for guests yet. 

Alistair, go wait with Raquel. 

Simon. I know it's hard to see right now, but we are finally at the edge of turning this thing around. 

No! I have a big… there’s something in the works. And it’s no scheme. Simon, we have millions of acres of potentially oil-rich land. 

I am not a con man! I'm a television personality. And a respected businessman with a plan. With… with… a great plan. 

You’re going to regret this. 

Simon, wait. Simon. 

I am not a loser! He’s a loser. And don’t you ever believe a word that man said, he’s a liar and he’s wrong. And he will rue the day he walked away from me. And you. And you are going to be so proud to be my son. You’ll see. Everyone will. 

__________________

Dr. Minerva. You look breathtaking. 

Mmm. 

Biotin. You should try it. Makes you glow like a teenager. Reverses the clock. Never accept limitations of nature. 

Especially not a beautiful woman like you. 

God, it’s so loud in here. 

Can we go somewhere? Just me and you? 

Hmm… your office? 

__________________

Oh, wow! Look at all this stuff. It’s so… It’s so beautiful. Like you. What is that? 

Wow. 

Let me help you. Max is here. No need to be stumped ever again. I have a dear friend in Roman antiquities. Could give it a look, if you like? It is Latin, isn’t it? 

__________________

“One great wish.” I’ve been waiting. I wish to be you, the dream stone itself. 

__________________

Thank you, Belinda. 

I’ll have your money, Simon. Today I’m here for an apology. 

I’m sorry. I messed up. I messed up. I lied. And I'm sorry. You know the truth is, I knew we were going to sink a long time ago, the wells were coming up dry. And no data suggested that was going to change. I should have folded then. But all the people that bought in, that believed in me... I wanted to do right.  

Simon, don’t you understand that I wished for better? That with every ounce of my being, I wished that Black Gold would change the world for all of us. And I know you wished that too. 

Then your wish is granted. And in return I’ll take all of your shares… and full control of Black Gold after you are somehow magically removed from my path… forever.

Ow. 

__________________

My word. Are we in danger? 

Raquel? Raquel?! 

Raquel? 

Which ones? 

I'll get you help. Tell me again. You wish you had more help? 

Emerson. Yes, you’re hired too! 

I’ll take it in my office. And bring me my vitamins. 

__________________

To meet a peer. 

On my journey to self-fulfilment, I lucked into a secret. The secret of the wish. So I wished for it. Or someone wished for it for me. Tell me what you wish for, your highness. And I will show you how it works. 

Like what? 

You wish for that? 

Your wish is granted. And in return I will take your oil. 

Then I will take your security team and leave you here with nothing to defend yourself against the wrath you will most certainly face. 

__________________

You’re looking at it. 

Whoa! 

__________________

So who’s the next closest person with oil? 

Like I want any of these people in the club anyway. Can’t we tell them they’re not invited? 

Oh, the FCC. The BBB, the FBD. It’s a conspiracy against my success. They’re jealous, that’s why. Who’s next? 

Send in Mr Zhong, please. And buy Alistair a pony. No! A race car. Get him a race car. Get him a race car. 

Alistair? Again? How many weekends do I have-

What? What? When? Tonight? 

Let’s get to it, Lai. Tell me, what do you want? What do you wish for? 

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. 

And you need… what do you wish for? 

__________________

Consider the sex tape gone. And God darn it if I have to keep doing this one by one by one by one… How's your health? Forget that. But I will take your entire congregation and your time slot. Let me ask you, when they pray, is there any way I could get all of them to join hands with me and simply say "I wish" rather than "I pray?" Would that even work? I need to find a way to touch a lot of people at the same time. 

Oh, God! This isn't working. Bring in someone new. And my son. You, beat it. 

No! You don’t use your one wish like that, Alistair. You don't wish for something that you already have. You wish for greatness, for success. That’s why I’m doing all of this. Don’t you see that my greatness is your greatness? Huh? 

Alistair! I’ve missed you, buddy! Come, sit down with daddy. I’m sorry. But your dad is on the absolute precipice of everything. Remember when I told you that I would be number one? Do you remember? Your dad? Well I’m inches away.

Huh? I know it's hard, I know. But listen, I also know what you wish for, and I wish for it, too. Do you hear that? I wish for it, too. 

No. No! 

Thank you. I love you so much and I promise you one day everything is going to make sense and one day you'll thank me. But right now I need you to stay here with Emerson. You stay here. I’ll be right back. 

__________________

You. You! Don’t you wish I had an audience with the President today? 

Wait a minute? Have I asked for your wish before? 

What is it with you aides and Porsches? 

__________________

You! 

How’s traffic? 

Don’t you wish it wasn’t? And that everywhere you went parted like the great Red Sea? 

__________________

Everything okay, Mr President? 

Exactly that, Mr President. These hectic days, hectic times. And you. 

You’re having some troubles? 

Mmm. 

It’s not money I’m offering. You… You are a man of faith and I have been very blessed lately. I want to share my blessing with you. The power of positive thinking. Now… tell me, Mr President. What do you need? And you’re not speaking to me here, but to the universe. What do you wish for? 

A nice thought. And I grant you… ah, oh…oh my… And you’d know what I’d like? I would want all of your power, influence, authority. All the respect you command, and the command everyone must respect. 

Ahahaha! I mean, what else is there? Now, tell your people I would appreciate absolutely no interference whatsoever. No taxes, no rule of law, no limits. Treat me like a foreign nation with absolute autonomy. 

What’s this? 

So what does that mean, you’re taking over everyone’s TV’s? How? 

You said “touches”? As in the particles you are sending are touching everything? 

I need immediate access to this satellite. And a chopper to get me there. 

__________________

Well, aren’t you resourceful? 

No, I don't think so. Remove this woman, please. Permanently. 

__________________

Oh, how sweet, defending your love, huh? What do you wish for? Do you wanna be a real boy? 

__________________

Everyone stand down. Nobody hurts her. 

__________________

You made a wish too, huh? Ahahahaha. They’re a bitch, aren’t they? Make you pay a price, but I’ve never been one for rules. Luckily, I have a way to reverse it. The answer is always more. 

But I, my dear, grant the wishes. So I take what I want in return. There’s nothing in this world someone doesn't have. I’ll rebuild my health wish by wish, organ by organ, if I have to. I'll be invincible. Tell me what do you want? I’m feeling generous. 

I like the way you think. Go on. 

__________________

You heard we were coming, I presume. 

How many broadcasting signals can I take over at once? 

I’ll take all of them. 

And I sure wish this works for me. Don’t you? 

Lights, camera… 

__________________

Citizens of the world, allow me to introduce myself. I am Max Lord, and I'm here to change your life. All you have to do… is make a wish. Anything you want. Anything you dream of, you can have it. If you can dream it, you can achieve it, so just look into my eyes and make a wish. Anything you dream of, have it. Right now. Do you want to be rich? Do you want to be powerful? Say it out loud! Look around you! Make your wish! Take what's yours! Whatever you want, you can have it!

Wish for It. Anything you want. 

Anything you dream of, have it. 

Yes, I hear it, I hear you. Yes, say it. Say it out loud. That’s right, I wish. Take it! Take it! It’s all yours, it’s all yours for the taking! And I… I take your health, and your strength. Give her your rage, and your prowess. And I take your power. I take your life force. Yes. Yes! That's right! You're doing great. 

It’s all yours. All you have to do is wish for it! 

That's right. Just wish for it. It’s yours now. All you have to do is say it out loud. Make a wish. Any wish. Look into my eyes and everything you've been waiting for, it’s all yours. 

You're too late.

Granted. Granted. Granted. Granted! Granted! Why not more, why not wish for more? We want what we want, just like you did. So make a wish. Very good. 

Granted. 

It's too late, Diana. They already heard me. Already wished. And those that haven’t yet… ahahaha! Oh, they will!

Granted. Granted. Granted. Poor Diana. Why be such a hero? You could have kept your pilot, and your powers. If only you'd joined me. Wanna reconsider? Hahahaha! I’m a forgiving man! Hahahah! You want him back? Just say the word. You can have it all! You just have to want it! 

Why would I when it’s finally my turn? The world belongs to me! You can’t stop me, no-one can! 

Stop! Cut the signal, stop! 

Alistair! Alistair! Alistair! 

Wait, my son. I can see my son! I have to save my son. Alistair. My… Alistair. I renounce my wish! 

__________________

Alistair! Alistair! Alistair! 

Alistair! Alistair. 

Oh, Alistair, Alistair. I'm so sorry, baby. 

No. That is not why I'm back. No. I’ve been lying to you. I’m not a great guy. In fact, I’m a pretty messed up, loser guy. And I made terrible mistakes. But you… you don’t ever have to make a wish for me to love you. I’m here because I love you. I just… I just wish and pray that one day, I’ll be able to make you proud enough that you’ll be able to forgive me. And love me. Because I’m nothing to be proud of, Alistair. 

__________________

FULL MASTERLIST OF PEDRO CHARACTERS DIALOGUE

[desert-fern]

hello your ‘new idea’ for the wwii series has been done already. I’ve read wwii tgm series from two other accounts @footprintsinthesxnd and @callsign-phoenix i believe {correct me if im wrong}. i just think we should all be thinking of original ideas instead of redoing other peoples who have already done good series. idk maybe it’s me because i normally love your stuff but how many other wwii series am i going to be subjected to for the same characters. be original.

Okay, this is going to be long. Please bear with me. So I’m going to be nice here because I think that you have a point that you are trying to make and I want to make sure that I fully understand what you are saying. To start things off, yes I am aware of both Jess and Sophie having their own WWII aus. Jess has actually volunteered to help me out with some of the history because it is a subject that she is knowledgeable in and she is absolutely thrilled that someone else is adding to the TGM 1940s/WWII AUs. And Sophie has no qualms either. Our ideas are different enough that no one is stepping on any toes.

I’m understanding that you have read some of my past work and that you aren’t thrilled by the fact that I am going for the ‘unoriginal’ subject of a WWII AU. Am I right in that? If I’m not, come to my inbox and we can have a chat because I really want to understand where you’re coming from.

I do want to raise you movies like Dunkirk, Midway, The Darkest Hour, Hacksaw Ridge, etc. All of the movies are set in WWII (I think) and they touch on completely different battles and subjects even if the general time period is the same. Now, I’m not comparing my writing to these movies by any means, but I do find it silly that just because one writer has written one WWII series, no one else can because their work was great. While Jess is currently working on an AU set in the Pacific Theatre, does that mean that I cannot write an AU for that series of battles?

Also, I won’t be offended if you don’t read the miniseries. I deeply appreciate the support on my other works (especially as my first series is coming to an end) but if you are sick of WWII things, then I will not hold it against you for not reading. It’s a niche subject and one that I know doesn’t interest some people, but it is an interest of mine and I will continue to write this whether you think it’s unoriginal or not.

The one thing I want to mention that I take a slight issue with is your use of the phrase ‘be original’. I hate to break it to you nonny, but this is fanfiction and unfortunately nothing is original. There are many university/college AUs (I’m in the process of writing one myself), so many soulmate AUs, many ‘reader is this character’s sister’ or ‘reader is a bartender’ fics. And all of the are fantastic, because it’s the little details that make it different. My series, A Gun Amongst Daggers, features the most quintessential item of a TG/TGM fic: a plane crash. It also plays with the struggle of attraction between two characters when one is a direct superior to the other, not to mention the Navy Seal angle.

My point is, nonny, that nothing is entirely original. I plagiarize myself a lot and I am a very trope-y writer, yet I can put a spin on these tropes to make them my own and different each time. I’ve barely started writing this AU, let alone come up with a decent summary, so if you are willing, you can come to my inbox, free of judgement and we can have a chat about the things that are concerning you with my writing of this AU.

- Fern 🌿

P.S. I’m still going to write the fic. One anonymous comment is not going to deter me

[blackgirlwhowrites2k23]

Can you write going on an aquarium date w alejandro balde and you just giggle at him most of the time bc of how childish he looks when he sees all the animals and stuff😭 sorry its kinda vague but i need the balde fics out here😣

Summary: Finals are coming up and your general marine biology class has got you all types of worried. Balde to the rescue! A trip to the aquarium never hurt nobody.

A/N: I know you want to beat my ass right now for how long this took, but I was having some personal issues so I had to be away for a bit. I should be all alright now though! You probably already got someone else to write this but I still felt like I owed you this at least. That aside, there really is a lack of fanfiction for some of my best boys. So here’s one for the bestest of the best boys: Balde himself. I took a little bit of a spin on this so I hope you don’t mind, Anon.  Also, shout out to women in STEM! (Also I don’t own any of these pics or video so credit to the original owners)

“I should be at home—studying,” you started to complain. It was futile to try to argue with him once he got so riled up about something, and as you stood at the start of the aquarium it was clear that it was a lost cause.

“Why do that when you could be here, with me; your awesome boyfriend,” he wiggles his eyes in an obnoxious manner that only serves for you to scoff in fake annoyance.

College life was definitely not easy and while you're confident in your choice of major and your ability to succeed, it’s hard not to get nervous. Especially when it’s just the beginning and your general studies classes are already throwing you for a loop. 

You had initially planned to be cooped up in your house all day doing nothing but going over the material, reviewing, and then reviewing some more. Then, when that was done, take the longest nap of your life. 

That had been the plan. That was until you received a text at 9 in the morning that effectively threw those plans out the window.

————————

Baldie 👨🏾‍🦲💖

Be prepared in an hour. Wear something nice. I’m coming to help you study😼

You

Going to watch Spiderverse again

will NOT help me study.

Baldie👨🏾‍🦲💖

What?

Babe No…

Just be prepared☝🏾😼

————————

As you walk hand in hand through the entrance of the aquarium, an immediate sense of wonder lit up Alejandro’'s eyes; as the soft, pillowy blue cascaded across his features it was hard to decide what would occupy all your attention: looking at him or figure out what exhibit to look at first. 

He was like a kid in a candy store, or in this case a kid at an aquarium. His excitement was palpable, and you couldn't help but giggle at the way he bounced on his toes, his enthusiasm infectious.

The first exhibit you come across is a vibrant coral reef, a living breathing tapestry of colors and textures. Alejandro's gaze darts around, absorbing every detail.  

“Woooahh! That looks like a brain,” he points dramatically at the various Australophyllia wilsoni that you both had the pleasure of stumbling across. Balde, in his infinite wisdom, presses up as close to the glass as he can to imprint every detail in his mind’s eye. 

You were in just as much awe as he was, but you definitely went about it in a more formal way.  

“That’s actually the Australophyllia wilsoni, or a Wilson’s brain. Like all coral, these guys are super important for the environment with keeping the Ph and oxygen balance within the water.”

He turns to you with a grin, eyes wide, and asks you to continue on about the different types of corals and their natural habitats, curiosity gleaming in his eyes. You humor him. With a chuckle, you launch into an impromptu lecture, weaving scientific names and geographical locations together like a basket, and you the expert weaver. Alejandro's fascination only grows, and he listens intently, occasionally gasping as a particularly striking fish darts by.  It was clear that he was overcome with a sense of eagerness; he may not have understood every single thing you said but he would sagely nod and act like he did. 

The enormous tanks all appeared to be their own living, breathing universe, packed with colorful marine life. A complex tapestry of coral and other organisms. As you move from tank to tank, his excitement never ceases.

The jellyfish exhibit captures his attention next, and you find yourselves lost in a world of languid, mesmerizing movements and ethereal effervescent lights. Alejandro's laughter rings out as he playfully imitates the up, up, up movements of the jellyfish, almost like a dance meant to capture anyone who witnesses it. You can’t keep up your professional facade anymore and you go up, up,up, moving your arms like you were floating. You immediately feel the joy bubble up within you, making you light, and yeah, maybe you were floating.

You were glad that particular exhibit was empty though, because you both probably looked real crazy. 

You have to remind yourself to never talk about fish around Alejandro because once you got started–he never wanted you to stop. You could see why though. The aquarium fish were everything and more. Their colors danced in the ethereal blue light, casting mesmerizing reflections on the glass walls of their world. Behind the glass, they felt so close, yet sooo far away.

“You know I once caught that fish with my bare hands” he points to the nearest fish as it darts past you both and makes the gripping gesture with both of his hands out.

You follow the direction of his finger, see a suckermouth catfish, and playfully hit him on the arm.

“Boy, be so for real right now.” You have to immediately walk away though because, in your laughter, you had said that entirely too loud. 

“I’ve lived many lives, woman.”

The rays in the touch pool become the next unfortunate victim in his boundless energy as Alejandro all but races you over to the waters. He reaches out to touch the sleek backs of rays gliding through the water, his eyebrows going impossibly higher up on his face as he fails to contain his pure delight. You can’t help but snap a picture as he squeals, or manly show his appreciation as he would put it, the perfect embodiment of elation.

As you explore, you find yourselves in the tunnel under the massive shark tank. The world above you transforms into an aquatic ballet, with sharks and rays gliding gracefully overhead. Alejandro's grip on your hand tightens as he whispers in awe, comparing the canopy to a majestic underwater sky.

“Am I not like, the best boyfriend ever?” You look away from him for a moment and see a pair of sharks, presumably a couple if their size difference and proximity are any indicators, and hum thoughtfully.

“I don’t know. Lemme pass this test first and I’ll get back to you on that,” you stare into a different pool, his eyes this time, and immediately get pulled in. It’s hard to keep up your cheeky game when he’s that damn fine. 

“How bout I give you a kiss and we’ll go with yes,” you have to hold on to the railing of the enclosure to keep yourself from falling in.

“That’ll work too.”

[schrodingers-water-wet]

This is how I’d write Dreamtale and does not reflect cannon. Dream and Nightmare belong to Joku.

One thing that's always bugged me about Dreamtale is the black and white morals of it. ‘Negative’ emotions are evil and ‘positive’ ones are good with very little room for complexity. Another is the themes of the story. It's muddy at best. Forgiveness could be a theme if you turn your head and squint but I'm hesitant to say forgiveness is a real theme because it hardly effects the story. It could be said that the theme is that, “hurt people hurt people” but that theme doesn't work in the cannon that when Nightmare finally starts hurting people he's not himself but instead is possessed. With the concept of possession it could be that the theme is identity but neither Dream nor Nightmare is ever shown to have any struggles within theirselves so that's not it either. I'm sure Dreamtale does have a clear theme I just can't find it.

So in my au of it I would like to give it one. It has so much potential in the context of the greater multiverse as it has two major players who intervene in other aus. I think an attempt to make this theme has already been made with Dreams motivations but as Dreams trauma rarely comes up in the story I'm hesitant to name it as such but: the theme should be the breaking of cycles. I'd also throw in a hint of guilt as an secondary theme. A lot of other aus are concerned with the idea of a cycle of trauma, a literal loop of death, or a character constantly suffering. So what if the point of Dream and Nightmare was the end of suffering?

Backstory: Dream and Nightmares backstory serves it's purpose but it doesn't serve mine. I would keep a lot of elements of it but I think it's important to change the meaning of it to make this theme of breaking cycles make sense. I'd also like to give the characters internal struggles that I feel they sorely lack in the original.

Dream: he shouldn't always be in the right. I do like the idea that he's absolutely sure of his moral soputitory but that should be a flaw not a fact. The main things I would change about Dream in the backstory is I'd make it so his naivity stems from the villagers. I think the villagers keeping him naive and moldable could be him having been groomed. I think in a cycle of trauma Dream needs some. Him being lied to, babied, and manipulated his whole early life would be a good start to giving him that trauma. His complete trust in the villagers will make it much more heartbreaking when they end up dead.

An interesting idea would be that the villagers completely shielded Dream from ‘bad’ things as if he was a child. Not inviting him to funerals, not telling him when people died, not letting him witness violence. Nightmare being the only one who treated Dream like an adult but also having to always be the bearer of bad news would already establish the starts of an emotional rift between the two of them. With Nightmare tired of having to baby Dream and Dream being tired of Nightmare telling him all about this awful stuff.

Dream being that naive would be partially willful on his part. He'd be a bit stubborn and turn a blind eye to Nightmares treatment. He wouldn't be fully aware of how awful Nightmare has it but he knows his friends are awful to his brother. He just ignores it for his own happiness, and for his friends. He's not evil or even bad but he's not perfect. It's also not fully his fault, he's only doing what he had been taught. After more time in the greater multiverse having learned more Dream would feel awfully guilty.

Nightmare: Nightmare could go in so many directions. He's brimming with potential that the possession arc squashed. So I'd throw that completely out. He'd still snap and kill all the villagers, but it would be him doing it. Everything after that would also still be him.

In Undertale Aus, especially the ‘Bad Sanses’ there's a underlying common aspect, that being that everyone who's hurting others is doing so as an necessary evil. It's a lot of ‘everyone I love is going to die anyway so I should be the one to do it' or ‘I literally have no choice but to either do this or die’. I think Nightmares snap should be like that. He put up with hundreds of years of abuse and never thinks he could escape (as in he physically couldn't escape) so when he snaps it's an abuse victim killing abusers. He's not doing it because he's a villain but because it's his only course of action. Or at least in his eyes it was. Dream ought to feel betrayed by that. Everyone he loves and had known has been killed by someone else who he loved. Who he thought cared about him enough not to literally murder everyone else.

If Nightmare feels guilty about what happened to the villagers it would only be because he feels guilty about doing that to Dream.

Nightmare probably isn't good with people and he lacks a lot of knowledge that may be considered common knowledge. His only source of information in the village would have been Dream who was being fed lies but at least Dream had an opportunity to develop people skills from constant interactions with the villagers. Nightmare would not have that luxury. So he's ill-informed and awkward. He also would massively struggle with self-worth. He's been told his whole life that his very existence is inherently immoral. I imagine that would mess him up mentally.

Nightmare terrorizing Aus isn't really something he would do if he wasn't possessed so he wouldn't. I do think there's room for him to get to help the ‘undesirables’ escape from their aus like he does in fannon. He could fill in the gaps that Core couldn’t fill. Taking in violent people who couldn't go to the Omega Timeline for the sake of others. He knows what it's like to be an undesirable in a bad situation and what that can do to you. He probably has more sympathy for those who's mental illness presents itself in uncomfortable ways than Dream does.

Also, Dream turning to stone should be much shorter. 500 years is too long for Nightmare to be out there alone, if he's left alone for 500 years he's gonna resolve all his issues before Dream even starts to resolve his own. Dream should only be stone for a decade or two, enough to make Nightmare more established in the Multiverse but not so much we run into the too much time issue. When Dream is freed he'd also be incredibly hurt, still like he lost everyone yesterday. Everything that was familiar for him had been destroyed, he should feel something about that. I think Dream helping people definitely works. I think him trying to help other people before helping himself is such a cool thing. I do think both Dream and Nightmare have to learn that ‘postive emotions’ aren't always good (joy from hurting others, excitement from awful events, peace at the cost of your brothers well-being) but more importantly they both need to learn that ‘negitive emotions’ aren't always bad (grieving someone who you loved, sadness as sympathy, righteous anger). Dream would learn that from trying to help people who didn't need to be helped, who were sad and needed to be sad.

Nightmare would have to learn it to find value in himself but idk how.