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beoljibentertainment · 3 months ago

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Heartfelt Fight Moment in Knowing Bros [EP 249]

Pairings: Nara (OC) x Shindong (platonic), Super Junior x Knowing Bros (platonic)

Warnings: fighting? idk if that's a warning? mentions of blood, misogyny

w.c: 1,8k

this is my first time writing a scenario in english so I'm sorry – I'm also trying to use quotation marks, but in Brasil we usually write dialogues with dashes, that's why it'll probably look so off

The bros laughed as the members decided whether Shindong had sung all the most important parts of the songs.

Shindong said he only needed to be dancing in the background, as he only wanted to be an entertainment host and didn't want to sing anything. But then, when Super Junior became an official group, he was only given the "ddan” parts, in different rhythms for each song, making it his specialty.

“Even Nara had more parts than me when she started singing!” Shindong said, pointing at his teammate. She widened her eyes at being mentioned so suddenly, not expecting to be brought to the spotlight so soon in the show.

“Was that when you started resenting her?” Ryeowook asked, with crossed arms and a full face that hid his subtle provocation.

All Super Junior members laughed, knowing exactly what he was hinting at. She narrowed her eyes at him and he didn't meet her gaze, aware he was going to suffer later with her remarks. The bros looked at each other, confused at what was going on. “Is that another Super Junior fight story?” Soogeun asked, with a smile on his face.

Heechul hid his smile with the back of his hand and said, “We know we fight a lot, but neither of them usually do that".

“And it was a big fight,” Yesung added. Hodong's eyes widened at the new discovery, wanting to know more about the first revealed fight Nara was involved – already thinking of the way he would react. “It was after the training, everybody was picking up their things to leave, when we started hearing noises back in the training room, we looked at each other and went to check out” he gesticulated trying to explain as vivid as he could, so the bros could experience the same they did at the time “When we got to the room, Shindong was shouting and Nara was throwing things at him.”

The bros reaction was priceless. Hodong laughed heartily, slapping his hand against his leg and bending over the table to laugh more. JangHoon looked confused, letting out a loud “UH” while KyungHoon blinked repeatedly and then squinted his eyes, trying to understand. All the other stories were just boys fighting, but this seemed much more than just sulky behavior.

“It was the first time I'd seen them swear at each other,” Eunhyuk added.

"Nara swears?” Young-chul asked with his mouth hanging open, as if this was the most shocking information of the last seconds. Donghae slapped his hand at Kyuhyun's arm, laughing, and earned a dirty look from Nara.

Heechul could not hold back his laughter. “If she swears? She's the biggest foul mouth I've ever met. If this wasn't being recorded, she'd have let out at least 3 swear words every 10 she said” and continued to laugh. But as she stepped forward, Heechul stepped back and tried to hide behind Shindong.

“BUT WHAT HAPPENED?” Hodong asked, still laughing, after wiping the happy tears away.

Nara gave Heechul a warning smile – the editing would probably put some scary captions and some background noises to make this threat more frightening – and then she turned to the bros, almost as a new person. She bowed her head, as if saying sorry for what she did, and said “I'll start by defending myself, because I was under a lot of pressure at the time. I had to record with Super Junior, for the unit I had with Kangin, my solos, go on the variety shows and do the performances. Then there was Music Bank and I sang Candy in my Ears with Minhyuk from BtoB. The performance was great, he's a good friend of mine, completely crazy and super funny…”

“Ya! Are you going to replace us?” Siwon shouted, at her side, stopping her from drifting away from the topic.

“Stop being needy” she shouted back at Siwon, her eyebrows furrowed. He smiled dully, scrunching his face as he usually does, and hugged her from the side, pulling her close enough that she could no longer feel the ground, making the bros laugh.

When she got to the ground, a silly smile was on her lips. He knew how nervous she was to talk about this subject, and he knew how to make the situation lighter. She continued talking, “people started speculating that we were dating. That was right after SM denied that I was dating the 2PM Wooyoung, just because Tiffany and Nichkhun were dating. In the unit with Kangin, we always had sexy choreographies, we danced as a couple and…” she took a deep breath, recalling the events “I started to get a lot of hate from some people, calling me a whore” Nara said, without thinking if she could use that word in the show.

If she couldn't, they would probably just put a 'beep’ or some other sound covering what she had said – they could also increase the age rating for the program.

All of the members were listening attentively to what she was saying. 2014 was not an easy year and everybody suffered from something. However, if they wanted to continue as a group, they would have to understand that some things would hit her differently, just because she was a woman – including the hate. It took them a while to understand, but they did.

The bros also listened carefully to the story.

“And that was all part of my job, just like all the boys have done. Heechul himself danced Candy in my Ears with Baek Ji Young in Fantastic Duo,” she pointed at Heechul.

“You remember that?” Heechul asked, baffled. He had actually forgotten about it until it was mentioned by his friend.

“It must have been really traumatizing,” Soogeun pointed out and she shrugged her shoulders.

“I made a Twitter post that went viral… not for the right reasons. It said something like ‘you guys only see me as a woman and not as an artist’ because I was upset that whenever I worked with someone, everyone thought we were dating or I was having sex with them or… whatever” Nara brought her hand to her neck, scratching the area. Every hair on her body was on end, and she knew how nervous she was about it. It was the first time she came public about this "but it was a shot in the foot. Those who liked me started to think I was undervaluing being a woman, and those who didn't like me said I was a horrible artist and that I should concentrate on being a housewife.”

“But she never shared that with us, at least not at the time” Shindong warned, also as a way to explain himself and his attitude, before the bros knew exactly what had happened.

Nara nodded her head, supporting what he had said. She didn't want them or the public to think he was a bad guy for this, it was just a series of misunderstandings, “so when Shindong said that I would be a good mother and a wonderful wife, I freaked out".

The whole room went nuts at the revelation. Hodong's eyes widened like never before; he was ready to hear anything but to hear that. KyungHoon hid his eyes with his right hand, leaning on the table with his elbow, unable to face his fellow comedian. Soogeun shook his head negatively and commented, “I can't believe you said that,” because even though it sounded like a compliment, the situation was extremely unpleasant.

Then, to take their mind off the tense subject, Nara started laughing. She could laugh now, it had been a funny fight, even if extremely traumatic, “so I got angry at him. He got angry at me saying he was just being nice, I got angry that he didn't see the problem with what he had said, he then started saying that maybe I didn't deserve the jobs I was getting for being so petty, I started throwing things at him and he started swearing at me”

“The swearing didn't start with Nara?” Heechul asked, with an open mouth, almost perplexed. Shindong and the bros laughed at his joke.

Eunhyuk fixed the backpack on his back and pointed at the member next to him with his thumb, “was it Kyuhyun who had to hold her?”, he asked. Kyuhyun nodded his head and gave a shy smile at the camera, pressing his lips shut.

“Yeah", Yesung answered, “and Siwon went to talk to Shindong. His arm was bleeding.”

Again, the whole room went nuts. Hodong rocked back and forth in his chair, alternating his gaze between the boys and the cameras, almost standing up before shouting “REALLY?” Nara and Shindong had such a serious fight that it resulted in blood? Donghae got a fucking neck scratch from Heechul. How could they even top that? Maybe they could battle the Incheon fight at the aggressive level… but the bros didn't expect it from her.

Well. Maybe they – and the public – needed to see how much she was a Super Junior member, even if they tried discrediting her just because of her gender. She fought with the members (and fought well), not afraid to descend into foul language and physical fights. She went after what she wanted. The bros continued to look at her with wide eyes.

“How hard did you throw that?” Sangmin asked.

“What was it? An arrow?” Soogeun completed, earning laughs from both the bros and the Super Junior members.

“He asked if she was on her period and she got angrier,” Yesung added, earning more exaggerated reactions from the bros. Some were wide-eyed, expressionless, completely terrified by the fight; others were hitting their hands on the table, laughing so hard that their cheeks were burning.

“Donghae started to cry because they were fighting” Ryeowook appeared again in the conversation, just to throw someone under the bus.

“You said you weren't going to tell,” Donghae shouted back at him.

When the laughter ceased, Shindong stepped forward and brought the story to an end, helping the program to progress like the great host he was, “We didn't talk for about five months but then we made up. She cried when I enlisted,” she nodded her head, agreeing with him. "We also spent part of the quarantine together to develop a project, talking all day about it, writing the script, making the songs… We're good now.”

“So there's good stuff coming,” JangHoon clapped his hands.

A beaming smile could be seen on Nara's features. That project was her baby and she was very proud of it. Shindong smiled too, part because of it and part because of her happiness towards it. Some other members – like Heechul – were smiling too. The bros knew better than to ask them about the content, because soon they would be seeing it.

#kpop oc #sm entertainment #super junior #super junior 14th member au #super junior 16th member au #super junior imagine #super junior reactions #super junior imagines #super junior x reader #heechul #shindong #knowing bros #kpop imagine #siwon #kyuhyun #ryeowook #donghae #eunhyuk #yesung

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aashiquidreams · 1 year ago

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After watching the Netflix show Baby Reindeer, I found myself wrestling with difficult emotions. It helped me recognize that the behavior portrayed in the show is termed trauma bonding. This realization shed light on my own experiences, particularly what happened to me in 2022/2023 with the person who sexually assaulted me during a first date. It’s worth noting that months before I went out with him, he seemed to constantly appear wherever I went in my neighborhood, leading me to question whether it was all just a coincidence. Looking back and considering what I’ve since learned about him, it’s clear that there may have been ulterior motives behind his presence. I’ve come to realize that I don’t believe in coincidences, especially after everything that happened.

Reflecting on the unsettling dynamics of my past encounters with him, one particular incident stands out vividly in my memory. After one of my attempts to break off contact with him, he unexpectedly appeared at my door three months later while delivering food. He knew there are only two restaurants that I order from. I wasn’t aware that he had started working at one of them, and seeing him brought back waves of fear and discomfort. Despite my shock at his sudden appearance, I found myself frozen, unable to react, pretending as if everything was normal. He started crying and asked me why I had ignored and blocked him, further intensifying my feelings of confusion and discomfort. His sudden appearance caught me completely off guard.

I never reported him to the police because I wasn’t sure if it was seen as harassment and sexual assault and was too ashamed because I froze during the assault. When I got myself tested after the assault, I even lied to the doctor about the reason for the test. I also never shared this experience with anyone, and when I tried to talk about it with one of my friends, his response was unsupportive. It made me feel invalidated and silenced, preventing me from opening up about the full extent of what had really happened. My other friend was often too busy and had a tendency to label her friends based on whether or not they were ‘drama-free.’ Feeling unsure of how she would react, I hesitated to confide in her as well. I also considered telling my mom since she knew I went on a date with him when it happened, but I held back. Her tendency to become verbally aggressive and use such information against me left me feeling unable to share the truth with her. During one of the breathwork sessions I did in March, I allowed myself to cry and grieve about the assault and all that happened around it. I felt like I grieved a part of me that died in that awful experience. However, despite this emotional release, I still couldn’t bring myself to talk about it when we were sharing afterwards. Perhaps it was because of shame and fear of being misunderstood. Writing about it here feels somewhat as a relief, and hopefully, in a way, it helps others with similar experiences.

After struggling with the emotional aftermath of the assault and struggling to find support from those around me, I found myself resorting to smoking weed every night before bed as a means to numb my emotions and ignore the reality of what had happened. Understanding this dynamic has provided valuable insight into my own journey. Quitting weed 111 days ago was a significant step for me, and the serendipitous discovery of this timing today fills me with surprise and affirmation, strengthening my resolve to quit and my decision to write about it. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made, and perhaps I wouldn’t have come to this point of realization if I hadn’t. I can now work on forgiving myself and letting go of the self-blame, understanding that freezing during the assault was a common reaction to the overwhelming situation.

Whenever he contacted me, I acted like nothing had happened. It took me over a year and a lot of dark secrets of his that I had found out to break things off for good with him. Looking back, I realize in how much danger I actually was – his brother is arrested and is a first-degree murder suspect, and he himself is suffering from mental issues as a war veteran and has a case against him for rape and assault. When I froze during the assault, it may have saved my life. Things could have gotten so much worse had I resisted. As I continue on my journey of healing, I hold onto the hope that I will never have to cross paths with him or endure his presence again.

Reflecting on the complexities of trauma, upbringing, and conditioning, and their profound impact on our behavior, I am reminded of the interconnectedness of these past experiences. It’s through understanding and acknowledging these layers of past traumas and conditioning that we can begin to unravel their effects on our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. By looking into the root causes and patterns that have shaped our responses, we gain insight into the ways in which past experiences continue to influence our present lives. This process forms the foundation for healing and growth, empowering us to navigate challenges with resilience and compassion for ourselves and others.

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littlest-bugz · 1 year ago

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Resolution ; A Sigh Of Relief

a [polyfrag] DID system's experience with resolution (functional multiplicity)

please do not bring syscourse to this post. this post is about our own personal healing journey and is not intended as advice or professional info

TWs: Isolation [heavy], abuse [heavy but not in depth], self harm mention [brief], suicidality mention [brief], unsure of other triggers

In Mid June of 2022, I was diagnosed with DID for the first of two times. Flashback to 2021. I had been in and out of therapy, in my teen years, but after researching my symptoms to try and find a proper care plan for my mental health, I ended up self diagnosing myself with BPD. The view I have always had on therapy and self diagnosis is that it doesn't take a real diagnosis to get the help you need, just use the resources that help you regardless, so I wasn't really hesitant to self diagnose myself [after research obvs]. After i self dx, I decided I would find a trauma informed DBT therapist, since I saw DBT mentioned often as treatment for people with BPD. After a while of researching, I found exactly that in my first therapist as a young adult. She was an amazing mental health professional tbh. She taught me skills that still have use today, and helped me grow, so so much. However, a year into therapy, she asked me to consider the possibility of having DID, and she asked me to reach out to my [potential] alters just to see what would happen. Ofc, I did exactly that. I made a dinky little journal for anyone to write in, as long as they used a sign off or different colored pen. That was when the flood gates opened, alters expressing themselves in the journal, and system awareness was achieved for the second time in our system's history.

Yes, you heard me, for the second time.

The first time system discovery starts for us actually starts sometime in October of 2016 [when I was 12-13]. It was the peak of my abuse, and because of that, I attempted to create an imaginary friend to have someone who knew me, just,,, period tbh. I wanted someone to know me down to my own memories because I was afraid of being alone, and I was tired of having my trauma further ignored and disregarded, even encouraged, by the adults in my life.

I was a deeply, deeply isolated kid, and had no one in my life i could trust or depend on until I was into my late teen years. I didn't have any real friends [and was, instead, abused by my peers], didn't have a family that actively cared about me, the church i was going to had and was abusing me profoundly, and the partner I had treated me like less than human. It was abuse coming from all angles, all facets, of my life. I could not escape the abuse no matter where I turned, so I turned inwards. I wanted someone, anyone who could understand me and listen, especially someone who knew what was happening to me for a fact and wouldn't gaslight every experience I had.

That's when I ''created'' 💙, but mind you, I didn't actually create him. He was, actually, his own whole dude before I ''created'' him, and he was NOT someone who would comfort me gently like I had wanted him to be. He was, instead, a sarcastic, blunt guy who only comforted me when things got actively tough. At that time, he had even fronted more than once to prevent stupid decisions I did, and it actually marked the first period of concerning black out amnesia. HOWEVER, through ''creating'' 💙, I got in contact with more of our system members [specifically 🎸,🧣,🌵 and 💤, who all are active members to this day, still fronting from time to time]. Our communication flourished back then, and everything was well documented, down to journal entries I had written about 💙's ''creation''. We had drawings and journals, which were all thrown away or deleted in 2019.

Speaking of, our communication with the system fell apart in 2019, shortly after the body's birthday [which is usually very traumatic for our system]. It was a complete host change brought on by the CEO of our system that ruined communication. It left that new host, 🐛. Confused, and without any memory of our life before then, 🐛 forgot everything about the system. Literally down to the name of 💙. All communication was cut, and all prior knowledge of our system was disposed of because our journals and drawings were thrown out by an alter who was heavily influenced by the CEO. CEO did not want us to know we were a system, and he had been dormant for years at that point. At least until he [somehow] got triggered and saw what was going on. 🐛 was the alter that later got in contact with everyone in 2021 and got us diagnosed the first time. Thankfully, the supposed creation of 💙 was what made communication pick up again smoothly, and we were, once again, a tightknit group of alters sharing a body. We're still like that, for the most part.

Our upbringing heavily impacted how we go about our recovery process, and how we will continue to recover. So when we entered therapy with a DID specialist, we had already radically accepted our systemhood after being diagnosed once. We have a very much 'your opinion of me doesn't matter to me' type of thinking, at least in regards to anyone other than a medical professional. Ofc, DID specialist was like 'yeah, I can tell lol' and diagnosed me shortly thereafter. After being diagnosed with DID a second time by the specialist, we were asked what path in recovery we wanted, and to think and talk about amongst ourselves. The big question every recovering system faces. Did we want to pursue final fusion or not?

Overwhelmingly for our system, we wanted to aim for resolution [aka functional multiplicity]. HOWEVER, there is nothing wrong with final fusion. A lot of people actually fear monger about it amongst the CDD community. So let me say that again: Final Fusion is NOT a bad thing and is a valid way to recover. Just because it is not our path doesn't mean it isn't someone else's. Here are two posts that give some decent info on Final Fusion: [post one] [post two]. I can find more if need be, but that isn't what this post is about. This is simply to reaffirm that final fusion is nothing to be scared of, and a 110% valid path of recovery. Our experience doesn't align with final fusion, but since I mentioned it briefly, I thought I would talk about it for a second.

Fusion moment aside, We have, since mid 2022 for sure, felt like we don't have a solid host, and we have always felt that way because of the cycle of hosts. The body holds a good number of us, that's for sure, and because of how many of us there are, we have no solid one host. There are frequent fronters, sure, but nobody is a host in the traditional, typically talked about sense. For this reason, we feel that we have no core alter [which we don't, unsurprisingly], and we found it unfair to each other that we take away our freedom to express ourselves as alters. Like yeah, we are parts of a whole, but there was never a 'core' individual. There was never an 'original'. We were pretty much destined to form DID. It is what it is, but because of that, we feel we don't have an alter from which all the others split from. I'm just a collective of parts that never even had the chance to connect to each other. Most of us feel so individual from each other because we were a highly partitionary system with no memory sharing or knowledge of each other. I honestly think if what happened in 2016 didn't happen, I would've only known my system through the 2021 diagnosis, and it would not have been as easy to pick communication back up. Things are wildly different now in regards to amnesiac barriers, but when we did find each other, we were our own people expressing ourselves through different [covert] means.

Due to feeling so separated and individualistic, Resolution was, ultimately, the best decision for our system, and since having made this decision and began recovery, our life has actually become something worth living, if that makes sense. I mean Internally and mentally. We function together as a team, and it's a great thing to witness tbh. It's taken a lot of hard work with a lot of disagreements in system, but for a life time ahead of me, it's worth it. I'm finally starting to love all of me, all of us. It's been hard, so incredibly hard, and we still don't always get along. There are still disagreements, votes that spark heated discussions, but that's just what happens when you're sharing a body with so many folks.

Of course, u see me use I/Me pronouns because we all acknowledge the body and the role it has in our collective life. When I say I, when I say me, it is the acknowledgement of the body's role in our life. The Body is the part of us that makes us whole, what we live through, and what makes us a team and family [in-sys family members at least because as a whole we don't see each other as family]. We are so incredibly grateful for the body and the collective Identity we live through. It is a sigh of relief to finally have come this far into our healing where things are finally getting better for us. I'm healing all parts of me, and I am authentically myself by being a system. We love the life we live finally. Even if we're still living with abusers, we know that once we're out of here, it's the final step to our trauma recovery and what will make us free to be ourselves.

Trauma is bound to happen again in my lifetime, re-traumatization will happen too. I'm young [for an adult at least], and, like I mentioned briefly, I'm still in an abusive situation. For this reason, we are learning to cope with day to day stress, as well as preparing our coping tool box for future traumas. At this stage in our healing, we have attained near entire co-consciousness, and have learned to share daily and important memories or notes from alter to alter, subsystem to subsystem. Sometimes its just one fronter and the CEO or the whole Crew and Co., yet CEO makes sure things get to everyone. No longer do we live our day to day confused on what's happened, what our past is and who we are, if we've eaten, taken our meds, showered, if we have an appointment ect. Now when switches happen, things are not confusing, and smooth with no sort of amnesiac barrier. Afterall, a good 97% of us are co-con in some capacity, and even then, we're able to memory share day to day memories. It's like whoever is best equipped to deal with a situation fronts.

Some of us don't want to share our trauma memories with each other entirely due to it's intensity, so we instead talk about it amongst ourselves and make peace with our trauma that way [with the help of our therapist]. It's like group therapy lol. Most of us are just content with the knowledge of not fully knowing everything, and having worked in trauma recovery for years now, our past traumas affects our day to day a lot less [any disruptions now are from the collective disorders we have and our living situation]. The peace that comes from being okay with not knowing is relieving, and the alters who hold the bulk of the trauma have started to work through their traumas.

Sharing trauma memories in our system can cause body and other kinds of flashbacks, panic and extreme distress, and can even trigger self harm and suicidality in some of our alters. Almost always, with trauma memories, its more than one alter getting triggered. I like to think of it like sculk sensors from Minecraft [minecraft moment]. When one is triggered, nearby alters in front and co-con get triggered like a wave effect, but it has a lot to due with similar types of traumas or being fragments of the same trauma. It doesn't stop it from happening. What we've done is worked on helping trauma holders cope and making them 'unstuck' in the trauma. Memory Sharing with trauma was once, and still is to an extent, dangerous for us, but the memory sharing via talking with each other, rather than give up the memories themselves, has caused us to even out and begin to work through the actual trauma, work through everything we have been through. It may sound flawed, but it works for us.

After having achieved a grasp on resolution, we've taken notice to our collective disorders and experiences, like our psychosis symptoms [from an unknown origin] and OCD. A lot of what we thought were persecutors ended up being our OCD, so things got quieter in that way. This helped us to work on those mental health problems and cultivate a further sense of peace. We also were able to start to work on other therapy methods that cater to our flavor of personality disorder. Achieving Resolution to even the degree we have has been phenomenal, and it only gets better from here once we reach full resolution.

None of this is to say resolution will or should be your path in healing, so please take what I say with a grain of salt. This is our experience with our healing journey, and nothing is the same from CDD system to CDD system. I just wanted to post and ramble about my progress because I am proud of myself and our progress!!! Obviously, I am not a representative for anyone other than myself. It's just so nice to be able to actually see my progress, see our progress. I also feel like I don't see many people talk about late stage DID recovery in any way, resolution or final fusion. Honestly, its even nice to just label our progress as being in late stage recovery. I'm glad to be me, as a system, while also dancing my way down the path of healing [lol].

Not sure if anyone is curious, but I'm always open to answering questions about my experiences with resolution as a polyfrag DID system. nothing intrusive about trauma, but I'm down to talk about the aspects of resolution and stuff. Just know I'm not a psychiatrist or other professional, and I don't speak for any other system but my own.

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airadam · 5 months ago

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Episode 188 : The Craftsman

"My heart is a drum, art is my tongue..."

- Chalk

It's always a treat to have a guest in the studio, and we're starting 2025 by hosting one of the most dedicated artists in our local scene, the MC/producer/DJ Chalk! You may know him as a soloist or as part of some of the crews and collectives he's worked with, but for all but his closest circle you'll hear at least one thing about him and his craft that you didn't know before. We feature several of his tracks from the span of his career alongside some excellent recent releases and some venerable headphone favourites of mine. Enjoy the show!

Catch up with Chalk at his Bandcamp page which features his whole solo catalogue, or on Instagram.

Mastodon : @[email protected]

Twitch : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Soch : Quest

One of those discoveries that I suppose I have to credit Spotify for, as I stumbled on this track completely by accident, the opening cut on his 2024 EP "I Don't Do Drugs, I Am Drugs". As I understand it, this is one of his first releases if not the first, and it has him off to a fine start. Lyrically he's got his own bell-clear style and the production has an airy warmness to it without sacrificing the bounce that makes you nod your head - it's often the first thing to go when the lean is towards the arty/lyrical/(insert adjective here). This New Jersey-born, Miami-based artist is worth paying attention to.

Chalk : The Crime Scene

I made use of the Serato Stems feature to remove the vocals from this while we spoke, but the full version of the track is part of the story on Chalk's latest release, "Death Knocks And He Shall Die", an audio-only murder mystery LP with the only voices coming from samples - while he got his start as an MC, this album is an end-to-end demonstration of his production prowess. Listen to the interview for more detail about how he painstakingly crafted this project!

[DJ Spinna] Old World Disorder : Never Minded (Instrumental)

We got so into the chat that we ran out of beat, so you get a bonus one - a bit of DJ Spinna work from the Beyond Real days, a suitably subdued head-nodder to keep the vibe going. You can get this and a bunch more beats on "The Beyond Real Experience Volume One Instrumentals", nice easy digital purchase.

Chalk : The Poacher

The first vocal track from Chalk this episode is a great piece of storytelling from his debut LP, "One For Being Me" - the story of a people living a quiet village life, until things go wrong...

Superbad Solace : Keynote

The "Sol Controller" series is an excellent trilogy of albums, and this comes from the second one (mistake on the voiceover there), with Mono en Stereo giving us a piano-drenched boom-bap beat which Solace laced with his strong, solid flow and lyrics. Pure, uncompromising Hip-Hop.

Pitch 92 & Essa : Run It Back

With the kind of lyrics that only an older emcee has the experience to deliver believably, Essa speaks on trying to rekindle the fire in a relationship where - as it does - life and responsibility gets in the way. You could easily imagine this Pitch 92 track featuring only the R&B stylings heard on the hook, but we get the treat of some real (in all senses) bars too. The new "Resonance" LP is polished, well-executed, grown Hip-Hop and definitely worth checking - all the other flavours on the album are done just as well as this.

MC Lyte ft. Common and Stevie Wonder : Change Your Ways

Big names all over this one, with the truly legendary Stevie Wonder lending his vocals - and his classic harmonica skills - to this new track by a Hip-Hop veteran who's been away too long. Nine years passed between the release of "Legend" and her latest, "1 Of 1", both of which are accurate descriptions of this Brooklyn-Queens MC's status. She's aiming for spiritual, grown-woman rap on this album and this Koncept-produced track very much embodies that, with Common providing Lyte some solid backup.

Zero 7 : One Arm Break

At the time of writing, this week marks 25 years since the release of Zero 7's debut EP, from which this headphone favourite is taken. Clean, smoothed out, and perfectly-engineered (which makes sense, as both members met as studio engineers), this track was a worthy inclusion on the release that introduced the world to their sound.

Rome Streetz ft. Meyhem Lauren and Daringer : Cadillac Smoke

Griselda mainstay Daringer is an expert at taking the kinds of samples people use for Roc Marc-inspired drumless beats and incorporating drum tracks that fit perfectly. This one is a great fit for this track from Rome Streetz' 9th (!) album, last year's "Hatton Garden Holdup" - named for the famous London diamond district, and a famous heist. Rome opens proceedings on the mic before Meyhem's feature slams in for the second verse, dripping in luxury talk.

Littles : New York, New York

A little awkward to mix with, with it repeating in groups of five bars rather than four, but this noir-esque street mixtape killer from 2003 is worth it. Riding a familiar sample with an almost hat-less drum track (not sure who produced it), Queensbridge's Littles sets out his street credentials - highlighted by the sample of Prodigy mentioning him on Mobb Deep's "The Start Of Your Ending". "The Feeding" is a mixed bag but does have a few gems I play to this day, with this being the pick of them all.

Le$ : Custom Made

Le$ is in that Curren$y lane right now, which is to say that every time I turn around he has something new out - not that I'm complaining! "Gourmet" came out at the tail end of 2024 and if you like Le$' style, you won't be disappointed hearing speak, as he often does, about the grind needed to get to this point. This was a digital-only release, and as such, not easy to get credits for, but a bit of clicking around on Spotify leads me to believe that this smooth, refined production comes from frequent collaborator Tavares Jordan, which makes sense.

Chalk : His Own

There's not much I can say to do this deeply personal track from "One For Being Me" justice - the story is all there, and Chalk speaks about it in the episode. Not many could lay out their story like this, so to hear it on a debut album is really something.

[Buckwild] O.C. : Jewelz (Instrumental)

Nothing too pounding or aggressive after the last track, just a reflective piece of production from the DITC crew, with Buckwild crafting this guitar-led beat for the title track of O.C.'s second album. Funny to think now, but I remember this LP being badly-received in some quarters, as it was felt not to be close enough to "Word...Life". In my opinion, it stands in its own right as one of the great releases in O.C.'s catalogue.

The Natural Curriculum : Cultural Equity

The final Chalk selection is from the The Natural Curriculum catalogue, specifically their most recent album, "The Best Fertiliser Is The Gardener's Shadow" - which as Chalk says, was originally an Aver project, with his production style on full display on this cut. TNC are always a group ready to go deep with the lyrics and concepts, and while Chalk may only be on a handful of the tracks, he makes his presence felt every time, including here.

Pitch 92 + Sparkz : Genius

Mr Pitch again! Killer cut from a couple of artists who've done Manchester proud in their own fields, coming together for the new "Full Circle" album. The drums are snapping as they drive the track along and provide that bed for Sparkz to give you some rapid but still controlled flows. The arrangement of the beat and the rhyme pattern changes play off each other for a track that I wouldn't have minded getting an extra verse of!

Busta Rhymes & Q-Tip : The Abstract & The Dragon

The title track from the 2014 collaboration between two legends is a nice treat if you've somehow never heard it before, bumping along with plenty of body courtesy of Q-Tip (I've always been unsure whether he, Dilla, or both produced this), while Busta growls his bars over the top. "The Abstract & The Dragon" is one to have in the collection, made up of a handful of brand new (at the time) tracks alongside some remakes and rarities.

Black Milk ft. Melanie Rutherford : Bond For Life

One of my favourite tracks from the "Tronic" LP, with one of Detroit's finest on both the mic and the boards - the rapped verses are shorter than you might expect, but that just leaves space for fellow Michigan native Melanie Rutherford to complete things with her vocals. I'm not sure whether the "mistake" towards the end was written in for effect or a real recording flub that they worked around, but either way I think it adds a little extra live, human touch!

[Opio] Souls Of Mischief : Medication (Instrumental)

Easily one of my favourite Souls beats, this instrumental was on the "Medication" 12" I picked up on release at Fat City Records back in 2000. It's a lush track but absolutely not at the expense of hitting the way it needs to. The vocal is of course on the single but also on the album "Trilogy : Conflict, Climax, Resolution".

Nicolay ft. Kay and Sy Smith : My Story

We finish with an old favourite of mine which felt like it either needed to open or close a show, so here it is, closing proceedings as it does on the original version of the "Here" LP! Nicolay's production is relatively simple and beautiful, replaying a classic jazz bassline and augmenting it with Dilla-like drums and gentle keyboards. Sy Smith glides over the hook, while Kay of The Foundation takes centre stage, telling the story of his upbringing in Houston. As good as the whole album is, this is by far my favourite track, played here right to the very end of the extended outro fade.

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

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aerodaltonimperial · 3 years ago

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oh look a pinned post

ABOUT//

hi. i’m katy. i am a certified fandom old.™️fair warning, i do not know how to use the queue so following me means you get all my hyperfixations in real time as god intended. this blog is typically wrestling, wrestling, more wrestling, and things that make me laugh so hard i snort liquid out my nose. i only watch aew. i’m in it for the little guys (and gals). i use A LOT of capslock. my tags are a mess and absolutely nothing is searchable, that’s just how we run things around here.

this blog is, as should be obvious, a jack perry fan blog. if you are looking for bullshit fics no one needs and a lot of keysmashing, then you are in the right place!! i like a lot of wrestlers and that roster changes daily, so you’ll probably see things for a lot of people here. generally speaking, i simply don’t talk about the wrestlers i don’t like, so you are safe here if our interests don’t completely align and you don’t like seeing hate about your lil guy. but if you hate one of MY guys, then this probably is not the place for you. i’ve blocked a lot of people for jack and darby, and i will continue to do so. my only DNI is you see yourself out if you hate one of them and feel like making it my problem. i actually really like making new friends, and my askbox is always open if you wanna say hi!

i write a lot of fic, and i write fast. sometimes i take prompts! i’ve got a young kiddo, and i talk about her. she is generally the reason i don’t get much sleep. i love getting asks, and will talk your ear off if you DM me. honestly, i pull people from ao3 over here just so we can be real friends and have a way to really talk to each other, so please please come talk to me lol

YO DAWG I HEARD YOU LIKE MASTERLISTS AND STORY PRIMERS//

🖤 💚 the junglecorpse pillars story video lives here 💚 🖤

the junglecorpse/skategoat story primer lives here

TUMBLR FIC MASTERLIST//

reminder that my ao3 account is here NSFW fics marked with an *

🖤💚junglecorpse/skategoat (jack/darby)

🧡💚junglehook (jack/hook)

💚🤜🤛🧡the besties (jack & hook)

⚰️🧡 darby/hook

🍊🖤 orange/darby

where it doesn’t hurt | haven’t died yet | comfort | fingers

🔮🍑spookypeach (anna/julia)

the russian roulette of other wrestle pairings

chrono trigger

chrono cross

current tag to search for all works written since the tumblr-pocalypse is tag so you don’t lose this shit. anything posted to AO3 is removed to keep this somewhat manageable.

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tartglias · 4 years ago

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diluc, kaeya, albedo and childe when they’re in love

“ahh ok i just discovered ur blog and this is my very first ever request to a blog. so uhm can i req diluc, kaeya, albedo & childe headcanons on what they'll do when they're in love? like, will their attitude change when they're around the reader HAHAHA it's ok if u remove a character <3 if u don't want to write it feel free to ignore hehe”

Diluc

Even though you both decided to keep the relationship away from the public eye, it’s not shocking that certain people come and ask if you can deliver a message to Diluc. It tends to be Kaeya or even Jean, whenever the Knights of Favonius are too busy to handle something a little too dangerous. Sometimes it’s even Venti, trying to persuade you to convince Diluc to lower the dandelion wine price.

Whoever the person is, they come to you because they know that Diluc has a soft spot for you. If something catches your eye, expect it on your doorstep the following day. He loves to spoil you, to the point in which you have to tell him to stop gifting you things, and that his love is and will always be enough.

And obviously, they know that if someone can convince him of doing something, that someone is you. It’s amusing how the normal situation switches when it comes to you. If Kaeya approaches him and asks for a favor, expect a very angry Diluc rolling his eyes and turning around, completely dismissing him while trying to not make a scene in front of you and the other costumers at the tavern. But, if it’s you who delivers the message, he just sighs and meditates it, eventually giving in. You see him smile slightly once you quickly kiss his cheek and thank him.

“Why do you always decline these requests but accept them once I ask you?” You once asked, looking up to face him as you cuddled him in bed. His hair was messy and untied, but he still looked beautiful, specially under the moon light.

“Because you’re not annoying” he simply said, caressing your cheek. You stared at him, unconvinced. This earned you a soft laugh from the man beneath you.

“I don’t know, I just can’t say no to you. Which is funny because now everyone knows you’re my weakness” He said.

It was then and there that he understood how much you meant to him. You could ask him to pick up every single Cecilia flower in Mondstadt and he would not hesitate to do it. It was dangerous, and he knew that, but his feelings were too strong.

“Kaeya will definitely use this for-“ “I love you” he said, interrupting you. Your eyes widened and a small gasp left your lips. It was the first time he said the big “L” word, maybe the first time in his life.

“I love you too” you whispered, still in awe from his previous confession.

He kissed you deeper than ever before, transmitting every single feeling he had into the kiss. You meant the world to him. He was in love.

The rest of the night was filled with quiet “I love you”s and cuddles, eventually falling asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

Kaeya

One thing that helped him understand his feelings for you was that he could just be himself.

His past forced him to wake up and put on a facade as the flirty Cavalry Captain that had every person in Mondstadt wrapped around his finger. But you were different. When he was with you, he was Kaeya. No fancy titles, no social etiquette. Just Kaeya. Not only he felt comfortable enough to be himself around you, but you also seemed to like his true self as well. And that’s how he realized.

After long days filled with commissions and some paperwork, he would come home exhausted only to find you already waiting for him. Without need for words, he would wrap his arms around your waist and hide his face on your neck after leaving a small trace of kisses.

“Long day?” you asked as you gently hugged him, untied his hair and started brushing it with your fingers. He would reply with a small “hm” before looking up and kissing your lips.

This sight could confuse an outsider, since Kaeya, with his oh so flirty social title, is usually the one calling out for you or keeping his hands on you at any moment. Kaeya is not afraid to show his love to the world, and he makes that very clear in public. Yet, this sight made him look vulnerable, and that was something he reserved just for your eyes. You made his walls fall down, you made him vulnerable in the best way possible. He felt at peace when he was with you, and that feeling used to be so foreign to him due to the secrets of his past. But here he was, in your arms as he rambled about his day without care in the world.

His attitude towards you in public never changed much, always finding his way to make you swoon and fluster you. He loves to let everyone know that he is yours and you are his. But, once the doors close behind him, he would let his guard down completely with you. He would cling to your body as he seeks for advice or talk about his worries.

“I think that it’s best to ignore Pallad from now on since he always gets-“ you started saying, but noticing how Kaeya was looking at you made you lose your trail of thoughts. “Wh- Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You make me feel better about myself” Kaeya said, snuggling closer to you. He let out a chuckle when he heard you mutter a “huh?”

“You make me feel at peace, and I haven’t felt like that in a long while”

Albedo

Relationships were kind of new to Albedo, he wasn’t certain about the right way to show affection. But one thing he was sure about was that every time you came to visit him in his research room he felt funny inside. Funny in a good way, he felt a sudden urge to hold your hand or make you smile.

To understand this feeling more, he started doing research on couples in Mondstadt. Was he the only one that felt this way at the sight of someone he cherished? Or was this the beginning of him becoming a monster and destroying the city of freedom at last? Lucky for him, he realized that it was considered normal to smile whenever you see your s/o.

While he was doing his research, Klee appeared holding one of her treasures. She wanted to show Albedo her newest creation, but instead she found him staring at some old couple sitting by a fountain. She thought it was a strange sight. “What are you doing?” she asked, startling him. “Research” he simply said. “On old people? Why don’t you do a research on me? I’m young! And I have treasures!” “I don’t think you can be of use in this research” he said, sighing.

It took Klee a while to understand what was happening, but when she did she started giggling uncontrollably. Albedo just stared at her wondering what was wrong with the child. “Albedo are you in love?”

Love, such a strange concept. He read about it, and now that Klee mentioned it, he realized that it made sense. He felt funny every time he managed to make you smile or laugh, and even more when he saw the blush on your face after complimenting you. He realized that the “funny” feeling happened because he loves you. He loves when you visit him, he loves when you ask him questions about his research and when you offer to help him. He loves you.

He immediately started searching for you, he felt the sudden urge to see and tell you about this discovery. Once he found you, he couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face. You looked beautiful, and you weren’t even trying. You just came back from a commission and your hair was messy, and he noticed that your clothes were a bit dirty too. Yet you looked mesmerizing to him.

“Albedo! I was on my way to visit you!” You greeted him once you saw him, kissing his cheek.

“I made a new discovery today, dear.” He said, taking your hands in his. “I discovered that I’m in love with you”

Childe

If there’s something Childe is gonna do, is spoil you to no end. Similar to Diluc, if he noticed that something caught your eye for more than 3 seconds, expect it by your doorstep soon. And don’t even try to stop him, he just won’t listen.

Since he has to go away for weeks due to his line of work, he wants to spoil you so you don’t forget him. Not that you could anyways, you always thought of him and even prayed for his safe return. When he comes back, expect little souvenirs from his travels and stories he may or may not exaggerate a tiny bit.

He loves whenever you wear things he gifted you, and loves to tease you about it. “May I know who got you that beautiful necklace dear?” he would ask with a smirk on his face. “You, Childe” “That’s right, the best for my favorite person in the world”

But his love doesn’t come in material things only, he also loves to spend time with you. There are times that he has to go away for long periods of time, and after a few weeks he starts missing you so much he just has to send someone to pick you up and bring you to him. On those occasions he makes sure to do everything he has to do in the morning so he could spend the afternoon exploring with you.

His line of work is dangerous, and you know that. There are times in which you’re exploring some ruins with him and treasure hoarders appear. In those cases he asks you to close your eyes, and only open them when he tells you to. Under no circumstance he wants you to witness this side of him he tries so much to hide.

Once it’s over, he would reach to you gently and tell you to open your eyes. When you do, the sight in front of you breaks your heart. He was alright, not a single scratch on him, but his face was filled with worry and fear. “I’m sorry” he would say, closing his eyes and taking your hand. “Why are you apologizing?” “I’m a monster” he said, not daring to look at you.

It would take you a few minutes to convince him that he actually is not a monster. Those treasure hoarders appeared out of nowhere, and threatened you. He was just protecting you. “This is what I do all the time, how are you not scared of me?” He asked. You hugged him very tight, not wanting to let go of him until every drop of fear and guilt leaves his body. “I know you would never hurt me”

He knew you were right, he could never hurt you. He may think he is a monster unworthy of your love, but he knew that he could never lay a finger on you. And as you hugged him tight in front of some random ruins you were exploring, he realized he was in love and swore to himself he would do anything to protect you.

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merionettes · 2 years ago

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Oh man just got caught up with rubicon and I’m on the edge of my seat! I know nothing about figure skating but the way you write it, the routines, the press, the bureaucracy, it just feels like this really rich and tangible world. Also, I saw in your notes from the last chapter that you’re taking time to do rough draft work, and I wanted to ask! What does writing a fic usually look like for you? How do you outline, draft, revise, post? I love hearing about my fave authors’ writing processes. :)

thank you SO much, anon, for this invitation to open mouth dump brain about How Writing. i love to talk about how writing.

this is gonna get very long, so here's the cut. [eta: jesus CHRIST it's long. you've been warned.]

so here is how it normally goes. for shorter fic, i start out with some kind of image or dialogue – for kindling it was the anecdote about sylvain and his childhood horse, for aubade it was claude (ha) in the windowsill – and first write until i get there and then write until the end. polish and it's done. it sounds quick and easy and in some cases it is, but that's just because like—if it's not, if it doesn't work itself out, then it doesn't get written, i don't make it to the end. sometimes i'll have turned over an idea for months or even years (recapitulation) before the actual fic gets written. my subconscious doing all the heavy lifting for me!

and sometimes i will THINK it's going to be a short fic ~shaped as i go~ and it turns out to be. long. (notably: green is the color.) for long fic, i don't exactly outline but i do make a list of things i know that happen in the fic. this might be detailed and it might not be. for gone to ground there was a lot of detail about the dramatic tent betrayal-murder and a lot of detail about sylvain's injury/delirium/big go-on-without-me scene and then a generic line item like, wilderness adventures! for when the earth stands still it was almost all worldbuilding, like what are the activities and feasts and would sylvain and felix play along or not. then i start at the beginning and write toward the first thing on the list. i may or may not get there before i jump ahead and start writing scenes in the middle or at the end. (meanwhile, the list is expanding as i figure out how the story goes and what needs to happen!) from there on it's a very haphazard process of writing whatever speaks to me at the time and structuring the story as i write bits of scenes here and there, until i have pretty much all the scenes in place and then until they're filled in. which is incidentally how the editing and revising happens, just a constant process of reread-tweak-tweak-tweak-polish as i write. rocks constantly tumbling in a stream etc.

as you can see i am big on the process of discovery lol. there are pros and cons to this. obviously if you get stuck you can get REALLY stuck. you can end up with pacing or relationship build or character arc totally out of whack. (i can name several instances where i feel that's happened to me!) but for me personally i've found i write better if i don't force myself to figure out everything in advance. to return to wtess and the worldbuilding – like, i did come up with a list of days (gifts/good works/hunt and horses/etc), but i didn't list what sylvain and felix would DO on every single one. so i knew they would ride instead of hunt, i knew felix would give sylvain a cloak and i knew why, but i did not know a lot of other things! i did not know about the play! this allows for not only the Joy of Discovery but also the freedom to mold and rework on the fly which i find much easier than trying to get my brain to understand "yeah that detailed plan you absorbed? you have to completely forget about it now because big revision."

anyway at this point when a full draft is done... i should go back and give it a thorough reading as a coherent whole and revise and edit accordingly but historically uh. i have not done that. historically i cannot stand to spend one more minute working on it and just. post. it's a weakness! sometimes this is fine, sometimes this is riddled with typos but otherwise fine, and sometimes i will spend MONTHS kicking myself afterward. lol.

ok having said all 650 words of that lmao: rubicon is different. it had to be different because of the scale. and i knew the scale was going to be big from the beginning, three weeks into my fire emblem experience, although i didn't know… how big. [cut meandering origin story which is a different story for a different post lol.] i did know that if i tried my usual "idk write a bunch of scenes out of order until it's done" method i would simply die. so i tried something new.

which was: made myself write the whole thing straight through in order, something between and outline and a rough draft. more than an outline because i had to try and actually make ideas work rather than just leave them as a bullet point and assume they would. less than a rough draft because uh otherwise i would drown. so like, some fully drafted scenes, some scene skeletons with just basic beats and dialogue excerpts, some [insert X here i guess??] placeholders. the goal was not good prose, the goal was to get to the end, ideally as fast as possibly so i couldn't perceive what i was doing and get freaked out about it. it worked! i generated a whole skeleton draft!

(li shang voice) Then The Real Work Begins.

what i've had to do since is take that skeleton (storyboard?) section by section (usually 10-15k, but purely dependent on vibes) and flesh it out into an actual workable draft. that's what i mean when i say rough draft work—i don't have a better way to put it. the fleshing out process is similar to how i generally write, a little here a little there, not necessarily in order, until it's done. then i put it aside and go on to the next section. i may make some intermediary edits based on how the story is developing up ahead, but for the most part i don't return to a section until i'm ready to get it line edited (a new thing!! big step for me!!!), at which point i polish it up til i'm more or less happy, send it off, and then make any final feedback-based edits while preparing to post each chapter.

so far, SO FAR, the fleshing out stage is where i've caught all the really big revisions, like, oh wait actually NOTHING about this idea works, you need to completely rewrite this scene. you need to add a scene. you need to replace this conversation with a different one. you need to totally reconsider your plan for the resolution of this arc 30k down the road.

for the first act, i barely had to do anything structural. like, there was plenty to fill in, but nothing to really rip up and change. for everything after that……. hahaha. when i say this fic is kicking my ass, when i say i'm taking a break to focus on rough draft, that's what i mean. the deeper in i get, the more changes i have to make. which is, like, obvious! it's hard tho. atm i have the next 30k all fleshed out and ready to be edited/proofread. there is unfortunately probably another 50k to go before the end. that's what i'm deep in right now. i hope it's not that much! i hope i'm wrong!

as for whens/whys of posting, i had dreams about finishing a whole complete full draft and then doing a real deep dive edit/revision and THEN posting, because i wanted it to be good and i didn't want to have regrets, and eventually i faced reality which is that i would never get out of the swamp if i didn't have some sort of externally imposed form of accountability. so when i'd gotten the whole first act drafted AND edited AND proofread—that was when i started posting. in retrospect, should have waited until rl circumstances were more accommodating, could have avoided that initial three month gap. but it's worked since then!

the biggest consequence is that of course it is going to be longer than it needs to be, and i'm sure i will look back and see significant cuts that could have been made. however. there is a point at which you have to accept this is fanfiction you are writing for your own personal satisfaction and if it's not as good as it could be—it's not as good as it could be. it's not the end of the world.

anyone who read this whole thing gets a bye to the grand prix of reading self-involved process posts final. +3 GOE every element. sorry/thank you/i love you.

#ask #writing #rubicon #gone to ground #when the earth stands still #extremely long post #an appropriate symbol actually

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theninthmember · 3 years ago

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season 4′s thesis: sitcoms suck ass

I’ve been thinking a lot ever since the finale aired about what this season accomplished on a metatextual level, and i think I’ve finally figured it out. It established once and for all that because change is what makes stories interesting, and sitcoms necessarily resist change, long-running sitcoms can become unsatisfying and stale incredibly quickly.

(Disclaimer: I like this show. It’s funny, and I will watch season 5 when it airs. I think it’s good, regardless of the extremely correct opinions I express here.)

so, for 3 seasons this show was a fun and subversive, but nonetheless formulaic sitcom about immortal vampires who never age or change. But then we got the season 3 finale, which was a huge turning point because it changed everyone’s lives drastically—Guillermo and Nadja were moving to England. Lazlo was raising a baby. Nandor was on a journey of self-discovery. These kinds of changes are really uncommon for a sitcom, because sitcoms are just not conducive to change in general.

and sure enough, season 4 represents a series of back steps to each major change presented in season 3, some of which occur in the premier and the rest happening slowly throughout the season. Nandor, having completed his journey off-screen, decides to get a wife and then discards her by the finale. Nadja, having quit her job in England off-screen, opens a nightclub and then burns it down by the finale. Lazlo, having abandoned his wife to raise a baby, gets his wife back, and Colin is grown by the finale. Guillermo, having been sent to England against his will, returns from England with a boyfriend, who leaves him by the finale. and I have no doubt that the house is going to be completely fixed by the start of season 5.

congratulations! We have returned to the status quo so hard I think we crash landed.

all the characters react to this differently. Colin and Nandor seem unphased (though I can only assume Nandor will face some kind of repercussions next season because otherwise his arc for the entire show will have been completely wasted). Lazlo and Nadja are upset, but resigned. Guillermo seems to be the only character who truly understands what has happened, and is the only one to address it explicitly: “Nothing ever changes in this house. Nothing is ever going to change...”

so, is this thesis intentional? Have the writers purposefully made this season jarringly unsatisfying in order to criticize the entire genre of endless, unchanging situational comedy? I mean, no, probably not. Probably it was just bad writing. But it’s still really interesting, because having Guillermo actually recognize the tragedy of his situation has led him to deal the ultimate blow to the status quo: accomplish the singular goal that has motivated his character for the entire series and see where that gets him.

(Where that actually gets him will depend entirely on the whims of the writers, so I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.)

#what we do in the shadows #wwdits #wwdits season 4 #if you want shows that dissect the sitcom structure with a bit more intent watch The Good Place and Kevin Can Go F**k Himself #my post

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robininthelabyrinth · 4 years ago

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"The Untamed", but Jiggy has a white cat whom he tells everything.- May or may not be sentient or 'spiritual' like Fairy in the book. (From an idea I've thrown around with my friend @yraelviii)

ao3

He found the cat in Qinghe.

“What are you doing here?” Meng Yao said, crouching down to try to scoop out the little handful of white fluff underneath his cabinet only for it to bare its infantile fangs and him and hiss, moving its butt around as if it thought his fingers ought to be running in fear from its fearsome pounce. “How did you even get in here?”

The cat – a kitten, really, small and scrawny, dirty and covered in ashes as if it had just run out of a forge, but no less passionate for it – squirmed in his hand as he picked it up.

“Who owns you?” Meng Yao asked, and the cat hissed viciously as if to shout no one owns me!

Something about that echoed in Meng Yao’s heart – no one owns me, he thought – and so he fished up some extra meat from his plate, filled a small platter with water, and used the sleeve of an old outfit that needed to be taken to be laundered anyway to wipe the grey ash off of the cat’s white fur while it was distracted by sniffing suspiciously at the food and water that it ultimately declined to consume.

“Just this once,” he told it.

Doing good work will often only bring you more work, Meng Yao reflected, and so it was with the cat as much as with anything else. He still didn’t know how the cat managed to get into his rooms, and he sometimes dwelled on paranoid suspicions that there were hiding-holes in his chambers designed to allow others to spy on him, just as there had been in certain rooms in the brothel – though even at his worst moment of uncertainty and doubt he didn’t really think so. He knew that it wasn’t Nie Mingjue’s style even if Meng Yao had been someone important enough to care about, and anyway he didn’t question his own ability to discovery such a thing if it had really existed. He’d checked.

At any rate, however it kept getting into his rooms, the cat was now a regular presence there, lurking around.

It didn’t want to be petted and greeted all attempts to feed it with utter disdain, but despite its general standoffishness it seemed to like being in the same vicinity as Meng Yao, enjoying nothing more than to settle haughtily by the window in his room and watch over Meng Yao as if it thought he might get lost without its supervision.

Meng Yao thought it was probably someone’s pet gotten lost, or maybe even just a feral cat from outside (Qinghe had a fair number of them) that had figured out that it could access the good life by going inside, but it was very hard to sincerely worry over the ill-intentions of a cat, and he was already very busy.

If he didn’t need to care for it, then it wasn’t adding to his troubles. Let the cat sit where it liked!

Meng Yao had found that life in Qinghe was both different and similar to life in Yunping, the only life he had to compare it to, and it amused him to think of the great and righteous Nie sect as an overly large brothel, with the main difference being that they sold their strength where women sold their bodies. In both places there needed to be order, someone to sort things out and tell people where to put things and what to do; in both places Meng Yao, with his quick mind and excellent memory, his sense of understanding people and anticipating their needs, was utterly invaluable in arranging such things.

He had, admittedly, expected it to take a little more time to climb up to the top – the only person he couldn’t understand in this place was Nie Mingjue, who was far too easy to deceive and smiled at him like he really thought they were friends instead of just being master and servant, who appreciated his talents and told him so, who shrugged off his mistakes and had faith that he would do better, who ignored his status instead of lording it over him the way Meng Yao had expected him to. Even when he was angry, when he shouted and slammed his hands against things, Nie Mingjue never once mentioned Meng Yao’s background, and the only things he seemed to hold against him were his own mistakes.

Meng Yao still didn’t know why Nie Mingjue would act so rashly as to promote someone he had just met to a position as high as viceroy, much less actually trust him, but it didn’t really matter. However quixotic his method of reaching a place of power, he was here and his next task was to keep his place until he’d made a reputation for himself.

Part of that he did through his work, good critical work that people needed and which had always won him gratitude even if not respect, but the other part of it was in cultivation. That was the way in which the Nie sect was not like a brothel: you couldn’t just be clever, you couldn’t even just be beautiful - to be respected, you had to cultivate.

Not that wanting to cultivate was a problem for Meng Yao.

He’d always had a memory like a sponge and a body that obeyed his every wish, his childhood of mimicking the beautiful dances of his mother and her ‘sisters’ serving him well in transitioning to learning the sword even if he was years behind everyone else; his mother had bought a thousand fake cultivation manuals for him and he’d learned them all, each one of them more useless than the next, and now that he was here in the cultivation world at long last, he was finally, finally, finally able to cultivate for real.

Using Nie sect methods, of course, even if that wasn’t what he really wanted.

He’d started as soon as he could when he arrived, endlessly grateful that the Nie sect provided training sabers without cost, and he’d snuck one away back to his room so that he could practice on his own time, knowing it would take a long time to form his golden core. He’d debated with himself for a long time as to whether or not it was worth it to invest in a real one – if the training sabers were free, then real proper Nie sabers were somehow three times as expensive as the swords you could buy in the marketplace, and you could only put in a deposit without any notion of when you’d actually get the saber, apparently subject to the contrary dispositions of the spiritual weaponsmiths that made them.

In the end he decided to go for it more or less on a whim, emptying out his hard-built savings to place the order, even though he knew he would one day need to discard whatever they made for him in favor of a sword.

The Jin sect would accept him one day. He would make them.

(If the Nie sect cultivation style was good for one thing, he thought as he went through endless drills of slashing and thrusting, it was that you could work out your anger while you were doing it. There was nothing quite like imagining the face of someone you hated and then bringing down the practice saber in a vicious slash, and oh, but Meng Yao hated so very many people.)

The cat liked watching him train most of all, although Meng Yao suspected it was because seeing him jump around panting was funnier than watching him sit at his desk and gracefully write out letters. It would occasionally start purring, a sound a little like a crackling fire, and eventually Meng Yao got into the habit of going to run his fingers through its fur as a reward for himself when he successfully completed a training sequence.

After a while, he started talking to it, too.

“That commander,” Meng Yao said as he brought the training saber down. His real saber was still on the order, probably stalled purposefully; the smith assigned the task was probably one of the people that thought they were too good to deal with him because of who his mother was, and it’d all been a waste of money in the end. Completely a waste, even if Nie Mingjue had smiled so happily at him when he’d heard about Meng Yao placing the order, his eyes warm and soft and how had that man survived so long in this wretched world of politics and pain, didn’t he know he would always be deceived and betrayed?

Why should he be the exception to the rule, when everyone else had to suffer?

Meng Yao threw away the unhelpful thoughts and thrust the saber forward, as if piercing his invisible opponent straight through the chest.

“That commander.” He minutely corrected his form and stabbed again, this time as if piercing through the belly: a gut wound, a slow and awful way to die. “He’ll regret what he said to me.”

The cat’s purring intensified.

Meng Yao briefly had the wild thought that it approved.

“I just –” Another thrust. “– need to figure out –” An overhead slash. “– how.”

Meng Yao ended up taking the cat with him when he left Qinghe.

It probably was someone’s pet and he was opening himself up to a charge of stealing, a charge he wouldn’t be able to defend himself against now that he no longer had Nie Mingjue’s protection –

(Nie Mingjue who had wept tears and blood at what Meng Yao had done, betrayed at last after having finally encountered a deception he could not swallow, who had banished him from the Unclean Realm even after everything Meng Yao had done for him – who had, despite it all, still hidden an entire bag of gold and Meng Yao’s favorite Qinghe snacks in Meng Yao’s things with a short note claiming that it was for unpaid wages. As if Meng Yao had ever let a single pay period go by without claiming exactly what he was due. As if Nie Mingjue still cared despite throwing him out, as if he worried about how Meng Yao might live, as if he hadn’t given up the privilege of caring about things like that – )

He didn’t really care.

He wanted the cat, so he took it. It was the least Qinghe could do for him.

The cat spent all its time in his new rooms in the hotels he stayed out as he traveled: in his bedroom and study, the little gardens that, when available, he liked to use to train in the mornings and evenings. It would even follow him when he took a bath (although that was with great reluctance on the part of the cat, and only if Meng Yao were taking an especially long time in the bath and the cat was worried he’d drowned, yowling angrily as if it could revive him through the power of its voice). If it had once belonged to someone else, it now belonged to Meng Yao, and Meng Yao didn’t give away anything that was his.

“I’ve made worse mistakes,” he said defiantly to the cat, which blinked at him from its side of the carriage he’d used some of the gold to rent. “It’s only that I don’t want to review them in order to think of which ones those might be.”

The cat got up, stretched its back, and walked over to butt its head against Meng Yao’s hand before turning and going back to its spot by the window.

Meng Yao wasn’t sure if that was a sign of agreement or if the cat just thought there was a treat in his hand. Not that the cat had ever accepted treats from his hand.

He still wasn’t sure what the cat ate, actually, but he was sure the cat would make its feelings known now that they weren’t somewhere with a dependable kitchen, though he supposed there was always the possibility that it would start picking up hunting.

“Wen Chao said that they’d aimed at the Cloud Recesses,” Meng Yao said, deciding not to dwell on the things of the past. There was nothing he could do about it. Nothing he could do about Nie Mingjue’s betrayed eyes or the snacks he hadn’t even known Nie Mingjue had known he’d liked, about the hand-me-down guans and trinkets that Nie Huaisang had insisted were part of his wardrobe when he’d helped him pack even though he knew Nie Huaisang still wore them sometimes, about the fact that he should have been ordered to take the Nie sect’s braids out of his hair when he passed by the gates for the final time since he didn’t deserve them anymore but the two disciples there had just nodded at him and let him pass without a word – nothing to do about the saber he’d ordered, still on the list to be made, and maybe if he made something of himself out in the world alone he would one day come back to claim it at last. “That’s where we’re going now. Lan Xichen might be in danger. I have to help him.”

The cat made a sound like it was considering hacking up a hairball.

“He was kind to me,” Meng Yao said, feeling defensive. “The only one who never judged me –”

Since he’d decided to forget about Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang, wiping it out of his mind as if it had never been, that was even true.

“– and he’s a proper gentleman, a good man. I’ll help him.”

That Lan Xichen was also a powerful man was something he wished he didn’t think of, but he couldn’t help the way he was.

“After I help him, I’ll figure out what to do next,” Meng Yao said, like a liar, and the cat looked at him like he was stupid – which he was being, because of course he’d already planned out what to do next, figured out his next move, and there was no point in lying to a cat about it. Meng Yao had skills that were only useful in management, not labor, and the only thing he left to sell was information about the sect from which he’d just been ejected. “No one owns me, right? Let it be the Wen sect.”

The cat did not purr, but it didn’t condemn him, either.

That would have to do.

It was a good thing that Meng Yao’s cat was self-sufficient, he thought, because he had neither the time nor the stomach to feed it during his time at the Wen sect.

If he had thought he had worked hard at the Nie sect, he now knew differently: at least there the worst he had faced from his colleagues had been disdain and not outright murder attempts, back-stabbing and undercutting to try to show off to Wen Ruohan, and all the while the man himself demanded more and more from him without the slightest care for his own well-being. He was grist to the mill for Wen Ruohan, no matter how much the Chief Cultivator enjoyed having another man’s prized deputy as his own – Wen Ruohan might had been very nearly driven insane by the Yin Metal, but he still remembered old grudges – and it was night and day away from Nie Mingjue’s reliance on him that was based on trust, rather than reluctantly satisfied suspicion and paranoia.

Meng Yao had hidden the cat as best as he could from the start, thinking rightfully that people would try to use it against him, and to his relief it seemed that no one else had yet laid eyes on it and identified it as his own, despite its white fur standing out like a beacon to his sight. Unfortunately there were some people that had managed to figure out that he had a cat, even if they didn’t lay eyes on it themselves, and he’d had more than a few incidents in which someone had left poisoned meat out on the floor by his room in order to catch it.

The cat seemed as unimpressed with that as anything else.

Instead, the cat seemed to have taken up hunting as its pastime. It brought back the corpses of small birds, the Yin Metal-infused little spies, full of resentful energy, that Wen Ruohan had developed for his sons to use. At first Meng Yao worried about the cat getting somehow poisoned by them, but time went on and it seemed to be fine, even thriving. It had grown into a proper cat now, no longer a kitten, and it enjoyed licking its white and shining fur until it was gleaming.

It didn’t like Meng Yao’s training sessions as much – he trained with a sword now, two-faced just like him, and in a dozen different styles, Wen and Jiang and Jin, always Jin – so sometimes Meng Yao would go back to doing the old Nie sect style again, knowing the cat would recognize the familiar movements, and it was a surefire way to get the cat to purr.

The Nie sect style was also still the best for getting out anger, all aggression and sharp movements, and Meng Yao still had a lot of anger inside of him. He was starting to think he always would.

At least here in the Nightless City he could kill the people he hated, as long as he did so in low and dirty ways that didn’t trouble Wen Ruohan or interfere with his plans, and yet every time he did it, he felt no relief, only a vile and wretched stickiness that came, perhaps, from that awful Yin Metal that he had schemed over yet couldn’t seem to escape.

The cat didn’t like the Yin Metal one bit. It hissed and scratched, and in one notable incident seemed like it was going to pounce on it directly if Meng Yao hadn’t caught it mid-leap and shoved it into his sleeve before anyone had noticed it.

“You’re going to get me into trouble,” Meng Yao told the cat next time he trained, using the soft sword he’d hidden away for a time of need to hack and slash in the Nie way, which didn’t work with a soft sword at all but which made him feel strangely better. He was currently imagining Wen Ruohan’s head underneath a saber, his head and the heads of all those corpse puppets he’d created. “I will cut you loose if you do that.”

The cat rolled onto its back and showed its soft and fluffy belly, which only the truly unwise would seek to lay a hand on – Meng Yao still had scars – and Meng Yao rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes, I know,” he said. “No one owns you, not even me. But do me a favor and don’t screw this up for me. Not when I’m so close.”

Lan Xichen had been accepting his letters and feeding them to Nie Mingjue, who trusted as blindly as he ever did. Meng Yao wished sometimes that he didn’t, that he would learn, that he would put some defenses up on that stupid reckless heart of his, but on the other hand it suited his plans very well that he didn’t.

Soon, he thought. Soon.

Soon he’d know what he needed to do.

“Now he chooses not to trust people,” Meng Yao complained to his cat. “Now. Now!”

The cat purred.

It wasn’t that Meng Yao (damnit, Jin Guangyao, he had a new name, he was Jin Guangyao now) couldn’t understand Nie Mingjue’s reluctance to trust him – fool me once, fool me twice, but three times seemed to be the other man’s breaking point – and in some ways he understood it more than ever now that he had been accepted back by the Jin sect, clothed in the gold he’d always deserved to wear.

Jin Guangshan hadn’t lost much in the war, not like the other sects, and the second it was over he was already scheming. Meng Yao – Jin Guangyao – was pulled right into the thick of it at once, less for his spying capability than for his sheer disposability, the fact that Jin Guangshan wasn’t willing to burden his pure and righteous heir with black matters that he was more than happy to taint the son of his whore with. With Nie Mingjue, general and hero of the Sunshot Campaign, representing the only real threat to the Jin sect’s domination, even if he didn’t want to be, Jin Guangyao was bound to be in opposition to him.

It made sense for Nie Mingjue not to trust him.

It irritated him regardless.

Still, lack of trust or no, Nie Mingjue had succumbed to Lan Xichen’s impassioned arguments and had agreed to swear brotherhood with him, even if Jin Guangyao suspected that Nie Mingjue’s primary motivation was to keep a better eye on him and scold him the way he did Nie Huaisang. It would be politically beneficial to Jin Guangyao to be tied in such a way to Nie Mingjue – it would suit his own desires as well, though that was less important – and so he had of course agreed as well, and he was planning on going to their oath ceremony in the outfit he had chosen for himself, gold from neck to foot, a sword he’d taken from the treasury since no one would order him one of his own, and a hat on his head like the ones his mother so admired to make up for his lack of height and to hide the Nie sect braids he still habitually wore underneath.

An old habit, and one he really ought to break, really. Ideally before Nie Mingjue figured it out and told him to cut it out.

There was a knock on the door, a familiar pounding, and the cat looked up, intrigued, even as Jin Guangyao sighed voicelessly to himself. Perhaps he had waited too long.

Perhaps it would be better to make a clean cut in this way, too.

He opened the door.

“Sect Leader Nie,” he greeted, thinking to himself that it would only be a few more hours before he was entitled to call the man da-ge as if they were nearly equals and how strange that would be. “Can this humble one help you?”

“Can I come in?” Nie Mingjue asked gruffly, his eyes lingering on Jin Guangyao’s uncovered and Nie-braided hair, just as he might have expected. Had expected.

Jin Guangyao nodded and stepped back, allowing him in, and closed the door behind him. “Could I get the sect leader some refreshments?” he asked politely, but Nie Mingjue seemed to have come to a stop right in the entranceway, surprise written all over his features. “Sect Leader Nie?”

Nie Mingjue was staring at Jin Guangyao’s cat.

“…Sect Leader Nie?”

Did Nie Mingjue not like cats? There were an endless number of feral cats in Qinghe, so it seemed implausible, and yet, here Nie Mingjue was, looking at the cat like he’d never seen such a thing before in its life.

Of course, at that exact moment, Jin Guangyao’s cat, the traitor, hopped off its pillow and went straight to rub itself against Nie Mingjue’s leg, purring like a little maniac.

Jin Guangyao stared at it, feeling thoroughly betrayed by what he would have previously said was his thoroughly unsociable cat, who had taken years to warm up to him enough to give him half the attention it was now bestowing freely on Nie Mingjue. Was this the heavens deciding to mock him for his earlier betrayals?

Alternatively, Nie Mingjue might just be very good with cats, which Jin Guangyao could believe. Perhaps he even carried in his pockets some of the Qinghe vine that cats were said to be so enamored of, although certainly Meng Yao’s cat had never once before shown an interest in such things before.

“…what’s its name?” Nie Mingjue croaked, voice hoarse. He was still staring fixedly at the cat, looking as though his entire world had shattered around him. He hadn’t even looked so unsettled when Jin Guangyao had so viciously mocked him at the Nightless City, and at the time he’d thought he was going to die and be turned into a corpse puppet to murder all his loved ones.

Jin Guangyao was tempted to say something rude or facetious, something like ‘I just call it Cat, why, do you name random cats?’, but the cat had been a good companion of his for a long time now and he couldn’t do that to it, even if he was currently planning on taking an extra long bath to force the cat to miserably linger by the door to the bathing room, screeching in unhappiness at the wet, but bravely (if grumpily) supervising him to make sure he didn’t drown.

“Hensheng,” he said, because that was in fact what he’d named it – it meant hatred for life, which was not exactly an auspicious name but which had stuck from the very moment he had thought it up – and waited to hear Nie Mingjue’s judgment. “It’s not normally quite so sticky,” he added in an attempt to save some face. “With most people.”

“Well, it’s me, that’s different,” Nie Mingjue said, and maybe the man really was just the human incarnation of the plant cats liked so much. Meng Yao really wouldn’t put it past him. “You...you cultivate in the Nie sect style? Still?”

Jin Guangyao blinked, surprised by the change in subject.

“Yes,” he said, a little hesitantly. He cultivated many styles now, although it was always the Jin sect style when he was in public. But he still had all the anger in his belly to vent – even more so now than before, anger at his father, anger at Madame Jin, anger at his brother born to a blessed life, anger at all those disciples that sneered at him even after he’d been legitimized, anger, anger, anger – and the Nie sect style had always been the best for that.

And anyway, it made the cat purr.

“Is that a problem, Sect Leader Nie?” he asked.

“Not at all,” Nie Mingjue said, and when he turned to look at him his eyes were warm and soft the way they’d been all the way before the fiasco with Xue Yang, shimmering with tears of joy and a smile that seemed to come straight from his heart, the foolish easily deceived man. It was so unexpected that Jin Guangyao actually took a full two steps back, his jaw dropping a little. “I’m happy for you. Very happy.”

He actually wiped at his eyes with his sleeve, dashing away the tears.

“You should come back to the Unclean Realm to pick it up when the brotherhood ceremony is done,” he added nonsensically. “I can’t imagine how long it’s been waiting for you.”

“…what?” Jin Guangyao said. “Pick up what?”

“Hensheng,” Nie Mingjue said, which – what? “Your saber. Hensheng.”

His saber?

The saber he’d never gotten, having been banished from the Unclean Realm before the order was finished, the one he’d spent all his savings on just in putting in the deposit, the one he’d never actually finished paying off? He remembered it, of course, and sometimes it still itched under his skin that he’d never gotten what he was owed because everything that was owed to him he deserved to get in the end. But…

“Hensheng is my cat,” he said.

Nie Mingjue blinked at him. “That’s not a cat,” he said. “That’s a saber spirit.”

Jin Guangyao’s gaze dropped down to the cat.

The cat that never seemed to eat anything or drink anything, that never once fell for the poisoned meat or accepted his offers of treats, that no one in the Nightless City had ever seen with their own eyes; the cat that could consistently get into his rooms despite there being no holes for it to enter, as if it had simply passed through the walls like a ghost.

Like a spirit.

The cat, which purred whenever Jin Guangyao practiced the Nie sect forms, swinging a saber with rage in his heart.

The cat to which he had confessed all his anger, all his frustration, all his rage, all the feelings he never gave to any human being around him – the sabers of the Nie sect thrived on such emotions, those feelings that encouraged them and strengthened them, developing the saber spirits that made each one of them a spiritual weapon unlike any other, with power and rage infused into the very blade.

Saber spirits, which only those born into the Nie sect or adopted early, raised in their ways, one of them, could form.

“A saber spirit?” Jin Guangyao said weakly, and his knees suddenly didn’t seem strong enough to hold him; he swayed and Nie Mingjue stepped forward quickly, catching him by the shoulders to steady him. “I cultivated a saber spirit?”

“The saber is back in the Unclean Realm,” Nie Mingjue said, not without kindness. “It was only ever waiting for you to pick it up once you developed the spirit, so that you could introduce the two.”

“It hasn’t been – I would have thought it would have been thrown away, or repurposed –”

“It’s a Nie saber, Meng Yao. It won’t obey anyone else ever again, not in this life; it is yours, yours alone. When one day you die, it will be buried with honor in our saber halls, just like all the others.”

The cat looked up at him and purred.

No one owns me, Jin Guangyao thought – the first thing the cat had said to him, and he’d always had a good understanding of what the cat wanted from the very first. No one had owned that wild spirit then, but it had stayed by his side, at first from curiosity and later from habit, and it was his now.

His, and no one else’s.

“Will you come pick it up?” Nie Mingjue asked, hope in his eyes. “Will you come home, if only for a little while?”

“Yes,” Jin Guangyao said. “Yes, I will.”

Later, Jin Guangshan told his son to kill Nie Mingjue, that fool who trusted too much and didn’t know when he was being deceived, finding him in his rigidity and righteousness too much of a burden on the power he planned to wield.

Jin Guangyao bowed as deep as he could, a smile on his lips, saying nothing, and the next day, when Jin Guangshan went to the brothel as he always did, drinking tea served by his son the way he always did, he never did figure out why his heart had stopped.

(The saber Jin Guangyao began to wear openly after the funeral – a gift from his sworn brother, he said with a smile, in remembrance of his time at the Nie sect – purred in pure satisfaction.)

#mdzs #jin guangyao #meng yao #nie mingjue #my fic #my fics #unawakened #prompter I have no idea what you were looking for #and it's probably not this #but this is what came to mind #omgpurplefattie

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mrpenguinpants · 4 years ago

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Albedo HCs: Coming Home [Christmas Celebration 🎉]

For the Christmas Celebration Requests, please read this [we have 2 more days but I’ll possibly extend the deadline to Jan 10. I’m tackling all the Mondstadt rq first before moving onto Liyue]

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Ohhh, I love idea a lot (might have gone overboard anon haha). No worries about being specific, I love getting specific requests. I just finished a super depressing fic and I’m back at it again. Though I will do my best to make this one happy because that Mona fic hurt me. But I’m glad to hear you love my writing haha 💕💕

I also know nothing about Albedo and have never written this man in my life but I’m going to ignore everything because these are happy hours. I love his man so much so this is some self-indulgent stuff (if you couldn’t tell from the word count) istg hcs have turned into fics just without the dialogue. I took many liberties lol what the hell is formatting?

Also, shoutout to @asheseiler A beautiful human being that started chatting with me because we both love Childe haha. But seriously, I appreciate you 💕💕💕

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[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@hanniejji @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover

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Albedo HCs: Coming Home

As you finally reached the hill top by the Stone Gate, you could just make out the stone walls of the City of Freedom in Mondstadt. You were almost there and the butterfly’s racing through your stomach only seemed to fly faster. You had been on a long trip away by travelling between Liyue and Inazuma. From practicing your alchemy to finding new secrets, it had been awhile since you last saw Mondstadt. While it had been fun going from place to place and seeing all the new arts and techniques, you couldn’t stop the feeling of loneliness of not having an occasionally smug but talented ash blond companion at your side.

You hadn’t seen Albedo since Master Rhinedottir had left and sent Albedo to Mondstadt with a letter of recommendation. You travelled with him to the City of Freedom but you only stayed for a few nights before you departed to Liyue. Your master had different plans for you and you didn’t know how long your own journey would take but you both promised to stay in touch through letters.

He was now acting as the Chief Alchemist and Captain of the Investigation Team of the Knights of Favonius. He managed to get a lab from Alice and he even had an assistant named Sucrose. He sent over some sketches for you and even if the bottom half of “Sucrose” was just a stick figure, you were happy that he wasn’t alone and cooped up in his lab all the time. You were, however, worried about these “Klee disasters” but happy that he still had the energy to write to you. At first it was hard, you found yourself talking to the air as if Albedo was still there but even after all these years, you couldn’t help but miss him. The occasional letter you received did help to lighten the mood however and you always made sure to store them carefully.

It seemed that your dapping mood was noticeable because even the ever stoic Zhongli asked if you were okay. He was nice and easy to talk to, even if he had a problem with Mora that you sometimes had to bail him out off, but you trusted him so you explained to him your growing loneliness. Which he simply replied that if you missed someone, you should go see them.

So here you are right outside the gates. The knights at the front were nice enough and let you through with ease once they checked that you didn’t have anything destructive. Now the hard part was actually finding Albedo. The knights had mentioned that despite being a highly respectable alchemist and one of the Captains, no one really knew where he was most of the time. Originally, you were thinking of planning some sort of surprise, even had made an entire game plan, but now that you were here. You just wanted to tackle the man, pride be damned.

You began to wander around the city, in comparison to Liyue it was quite small but so much more lively and warm. Christmas was right around the corner so everyone was rushing around hanging up lights and finding presents but it was nice. Everyone seemed to know each other and unlike Liyue, you didn’t need to be afraid if the walls were listening. You looked around for a man with bright teal eyes and ashy light blond hair, even asking around, but no luck. No one seemed to know where he was and if he was even in Mondstadt right now. You were beginning to loose hope and that your trip might have been in vain when you felt a small tap on your shoulder and-

Sweet jesus, what the fuck?

You were almost jealous at how good he looked now. He was always handsome when you were both younger but now it felt like cupid decided to descend from the heavens, laugh at you, then riddled you full of arrows. Was your pulse working? Brain still computing? You knew you had a small crush on Albedo when you were younger- who were you kidding, you were in love with this man since he helped you create cecilia flowers from a dead denro slime - but this was just unfair!

“Albedo! I was looking around everywhere for you. This place is actually a lot bigger than it se-”

“You’re back.”

Albedo was surprised to see that it was really you. He only caught a small glimpse of your profile but he knew it was you. He almost suspected that his vision was tricking him or that he might have accidently set one of his sketches of you to life but you were here. Albedo has always treated friendships with a constant degree of distance, always working or traveling to gathering materials to avoid social interactions even if it wasn’t intentional. He also had no memory of any family, only adventuring deep within the domains with his master and you. But when his Master left with one assignment left for him he couldn’t help but feel a bit hollow, but you were always there to lift his spirits up even if on the outside he didn’t appear upset.

But then you had left and gone on your own journey.

“Hm? Oh, sorry I didn’t mention it in my last letter. It was a bit of an impulse trip. But I’m not intruding in on anything right? You’re happy to see me...right?”

“You’re here.”

At first he was alright with it, even encouraged you to set off to Liyue since it was the closest. Promising that you would both keep in touch even if he found relationships a taxing cycle. But when a few months had passed and it began to settle in that you weren’t anywhere near him. That he couldn’t talk to you about new discoveries, that he couldn’t hear you voice anymore, that he had even forgotten how to sketch you. It felt...weird. He knew what he was feeling was loneliness, he wasn’t deluded or naïve, but even when he had Sucrose or Timaeus it wasn’t the same. But now you were here. He could see you and how the lines in his sketchbook were wrong whenever he attempted to re-create you. He could feel your warmth that sketches he brought to life couldn’t do. He could feel your presence and how it slowly but surely filled the void in him until it was bursting at the seams.

“Albedo? Are you alright?”

“You’re here.”

You were almost afraid that the holidays had broke Albedo. You knew he would sometimes get too deep in thought and wouldn’t register his surrounding but it was just you two. With the sun slowly going down, the snowflakes dancing around you both, and the Christmas light reflecting off his unique blue eyes. You took a slow blinked at him. Once. Twice. The same way you would when you were studying something, trying to unveil its secrets. Before sighing amusingly and opening up your arms to him. He was still the same.

“I’m here.”

The final assignment Albedo received was too hard, too complicated, far beyond his own limits and he was worried that if he never completed it, would he ever see his teacher again? When you took your first step outside the walls of the city, waving back to him as you set off on your journey, he couldn’t help but feel that like his teacher, you were leaving him too. But when you looked at him with those warm but understanding eyes, opened your arms to him, he let go and stepped into your embrace. He was sure he was borderline crushing your frame but you hugged him back just as tightly.

“My apologies. I got overwhelmed. Come with me, let’s get out of the cold first.”

You tried to hold it in but you laughed at his statement. He didn’t seem to mind as you felt him smile into your neck. Even with those words he hadn’t let go or slackened his grip in the slightest. So you both stayed there outside in the cold, the christmas lights reflected off snow, the sounds of laughter and singing playing in the background as you both embraced each other.

I’m home

You’re home

---

Although Albedo was happy to see you again, he was wondering why out of all the years you had been away, all the other holidays you had missed, you decided to come to Mondstadt today. You were at his lab and marveling at all his new devices when he popped the question. You flushed a bit but quickly brushed it off, saying that after all the letters he sent you were finally curious as to what Mondstadt was like and the people he met. Plus, Liyue and Inazuma didn’t celebrate Christmas as much as Mondstadt so it would be nice to finally celebrate the holiday again.

He simply smiled smugly and nodded along before you eventually caved, because that look could steal your heart away, and revealed that honestly, you just really missed him and wanted to spend Christmas together. There wasn’t anything wrong with that was there? So what if you missed him? It was natural. It wasn’t like you were wondering what he was doing on slow days in Liyue. It wasn’t like you we-

“You can stop laughing at me. I know you’re doing it even if I can’t hear it Albedo.”

“I’m sorry you must be mistaken. Perhaps your observational skills have rusted?”

You huffed at him before turning your attention to a small but worn sketching book. It was different from the ones he had showed you and much smaller compared to the ripped out sketches he sent you. Albedo noticed your curiosity and almost flushed before striding over and showing you what was inside. It was either he do it now or you would constantly eye ball it until he finally let you see what was inside.

He took out the old sketchbook and flipped all the way to the first page. They had been sketches of you. When it had just been you, Albedo, and your teacher he would often ask to draw you but he never showed you the finished product. What was surprising was they were all full sketches. No simple lines or unfinished colours. His interest in things, especially when he draws, were fleeting leading him to always create unfinished or basic lines.

“Wow, was this your first sketchbook? Did you draw anything else? Oh, like your assistant perhaps?”

“No. I only drew one thing here. It’s been sitting here ever since but I tend to make sure it’s in good condition. Should I ever need to draw in it again.”

Albedo almost reached for his pencil to sketch your smug but bright smile. But set his hand down. While he wants to capture moments so they remain forever with him, he felt that perhaps, it would be nice to live in them. Just for a moment.

---

I never write at the bottom of my fics but I wrote too much at the start haha (plus tagging my screaming doesn’t work anymore). Not gonna lie, this was going to be different and you and Albedo would have role reversed AND I WAS GOING TO WRITE MONA IN but that didn’t happen. I made it so disgustingly sappy at the end that I want to throw up but when do I not?

But I kind of like this version more. He’s super out of character but I don’t care and you’re gonna have to take this hcs out of my COLD DEAD HANDS. But I hope you enjoyed this and I’m using this as my Albedo catalyst so come home elevator boy. (cough celebration hcs are still open if you wanna feed me 👀 this )

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact imagines #genshin imagines #genshin fanfic #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin headcanons #genshin impact headcanons #genshin albedo #genshin impact albedo #genshin impact albedo x reader #albedo x reader #albedo x lumine #albedo x aether #albedo #albedo headcanons #albedo imagines

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fanmoose12 · 4 years ago

Text

take me out (on a date)

Hange decides to set Levi up on some dates.

It doesn't go as well as she hopes.

"Levi!"

Hange bursts into his office, not waiting for an invitation to come in. Levi wouldn't have given it to her, but when Hange has ever listened to him?

The door bangs thunderously as she throws it closed, and then she moves further into the room, grabbing a chair and twisting it backwards to sit down. The grin on her face is positively mental, and at the back of his mind Levi wonders what exactly is wrong with him, because that smile doesn't faze him in slightest.

"I'm working, four-eyes," he grumbles, closing a tab with a video analysis of some movie he had never seen. "I don't have time for your shit."

"You'll want to hear it, Levi!" her voice is several octaves higher than Levi can tolerate, but Hange promptly ignores his angry scowl. "It will change your life!"

Last time Hange decided to change his life, his eyebrows got bleached.

Understandably, he isn't looking forward to another life changing experience, especially if it'll orchestrated by Hange.

But she doesn't seem to care if he's looking forward to it or not. She shoots up, almost sending poor chair tumbling to the floor, and starts pacing around the room.

"So! I must admit this thought had come to me completely out of sudden. I was in the middle of breakfast, you see, or, no- Wait! I was talking to Nifa! Or watching that new tv-show, you know the one where—"

"Four-eyes," Levi grits when his head starts spinning after watching her move back and forth across the room. "Get to the fucking point."

Hange stops for a second, to flash him an amused smile. "A little impatient, are we? I can understand it, yes... After all, what I'm offering—"

"Four-eyes!"

"Alright, alright!" Hange throws her hands into the air and resumes her pacing. Absentmindedly, Levi wonders how much coffee she has already consumed this morning.

"I guess, what I was doing doesn't really matter. What matters is what I've been thinking about. And I've been thinking about you."

Oh. This gets Levi's attention. It grips it tightly and doesn't let go. Here he thought Hange was going on about another experiment of hers or some other, equally annoying shit, but she has been thinking about him... Levi straightens his back and leans in, watching Hange more intently now.

"So I started thinking about you and it got me thinking, you know, about other people and stuff. And I know what you're going to say!" she furrows her eyebrows in expression Levi guesses should resemble his. Hange does a very poor job, though. He is almost sure he doesn't look that ridiculous. "I'm not people's person, four-eyes, I don't care about them," she says in as low voice as she can manage.

Levi is inclined to agree. He's not a people's person. He is however, a person's person. And his person is currently measuring his office with quick, jerky steps.

"But I think you're a bit wrong. Maybe, you don't like other people, but there are people who like you, so I thought, well, everyone deserve love, and you deserve it above everyone else, because you're so kind and very sweet, and really, really handsome, so I thought, well..." Hange turns to look at him, a faint blush coloring her cheeks.

Levi takes a sharp breath. This is it, he realizes. Hange is going to confess to him, a completely not pathetic crush that he was harboring for almost a decade now is finally going to be reciprocated.

His own office isn't the place he thought it was going to happen, but it's fine, he can work with that. He's having feelings for the craziest person he knows, so, really, a little bit of oddity is more than expected.

Levi is already thinking how should he answer that confession - should he tell Hange he feels the same or would a simple kiss suffice, when Hange moves to his desk. She places her hands onto the wooden surface and looms over him with a wide, excited smile. Levi's lips pull in a smile of his own.

"That's why, Levi," she says. "I will help you to find your love! Or, well," Hange adds, while Levi is too busy having a goddamn stroke because why was he, oh why, was he so naive in thinking that Hange would act normal for once? That she would stop being so oblivious and dumb? That she would clean those stupid glasses of hers and finally see what she's doing to him? But Hange doesn't see, even now, she's too blinded by her new, thrilling idea to notice his disappointed, fallen face. "If that doesn't work, at least, it’ll help you to get laid! That stick up your ass, it got so deep, I don't think it's healthy."

Hange starts laughing, too amused by her own stupid joke, and Levi thinks, if that's who you've fallen for? Then you've fallen so low, Levi...

But what can he do? He's fallen and he doesn't think he will be able to get up.

But with a help of someone else, with a strong, steady hand he'll be able to get up from the bottom he's currently buried at.

The idea is as stupid as Hange is, and it's as hopeless as his crush on her, but what he has to lose now?

***

That's how he finds himself in a small Chinese restaurant with Hange sitting across from him. He'd enjoy his evening, he'd entertain the idea that it almost looks like a date, if Hange wasn't wearing such serious expression, her eyes scanning him up and down as though he's a new mouse she decides to experiment at.

"Alright," she declares, turning around to get her backpack. She pulls out a notebook, and with a sense of growing dread, Levi sees her open it at the page that is already full with notes.

"After our little conversation, I asked around a bit..." she mutters, not looking up from a notebook. "I found a couple of friends who are single, but let's start with someone we both know for now..."

The feeling of dread is almost overwhelming now, because Levi is sure what will follow is going to be one of the worst conversations in his life.

"So! Let's start, shall we?" she grips the pen in her fingers tightly and turns the entirety of her attention to him. "What do you think about Mike?"

Levi chokes on a soup he was eating.

"What the fuck, four-eyes?" he hisses. "He's huge!"

Hange pouts. "You don't have to take it straight to bed, you know…"

His face burns and, as the images of him and that giant together enters his mind, Levi wants nothing more than to gag. He kicks Hange under the table in retaliation, making her yelp and rub her ankle.

"He's twice my height, you perverted dipshit. I would look like a brat next to him."

"Not one for daddy's kink, eh?" Hange mutters with that insufferable grin of hers, and Levi kicks her again. "Fine, fine, could have just said no. Mike was actually weirded out by my offer too, I just asked to see if he's your type or not."

"He's not," Levi grits, furious, because his type is sitting right across him in ridiculous oversized shirt and dirty glasses. How low has he fallen...

"I guess I can cross Erwin out as well. Alright!" Hange chirps. "What about Moblit?"

At that, Levi's mood almost lifts. It's good to know his feelings are not the only ones that completely go over Hange's head.

He can just imagine it too, both of them - he and Moblit - getting drunk in some shitty bar, united by their shared infatuation with irritating, absurdly oblivious four-eyed weirdo.

The image conjured by his mind is so pathetic, it almost sends him into a feat of self-pity.

"No," he tells Hange curtly, and she crosses another name.

"Alright, what about Gelgar?"

"He's a drunkard. Pass."

"Nanaba?"

"I've known her since childhood, she’s like a sister. Pass."

"Lynn?"

He doesn't remember who the fuck Lynn is, and so hesitates to give an answer. Hange takes it a sign of agreement, and giggles, writing something down in the notebook. "Got it... What about Gunter?"

"He's my subordinate," Levi reminds.

"And engaged," Hange winks. "But that wasn't what stopped you? Ah, you're naughty one, Ackerman."

And then, to his horror, Hange adds another note.

"And, last but not the least... What do you think about Nifa?"

"Um..."

"So another hit, eh?" Hange smiles so earnestly and brightly, Levi can't just find it in himself to disappoint her.

"Thank you for your cooperation," Hange winks again, closing the noteboor. "I'll analyze the data and set you up on a perfect date. Don't worry, Levi," Hange leans over the small table and covers his hand with hers. You've got to be kidding me, Levi thinks furiously, as his heart starts doing lambada in his ribcage. "I'll find someone you would like."

Look in the mirror, idiot, Levi wants to say, but lets out only a short annoyed grunt.

***

The next day, Erwin and Mike join him at lunch.

"Heard Hange decided to set you up on some dates," Erwin says, his head tilted and eyes curious.

Levi takes a mouthful of salad he brought from home, and nods.

"It's tough, man," Mike remarks.

"Yeah," Levi agrees, because, really, what else is there to say?

"It's interesting," Erwin declares, intrigued like he's reading about some obscure phenomenon or watches a discovery channel, and not observes the confusing relationship between two of his friends. "Something good may come out of it. Come, Mike," he stands up and Mike follows. "There is an urgent matter we need to discuss."

"Ah," Mike grins rather enigmatically. He shots Levi a sly look. "Don't let me down, Levi," he salutes him and then both of them are gone.

Levi's lunch is peaceful and uneventful for another minute.

And then Hange shows up and his chances at peace and quiet are promptly thrown out of the window.

***

The first person Hange sets him up with is Lynn. Levi still doesn't remember her, but decides to just roll with it. He knows her name and Hange had vaguely described her in the midst of her gushing and her reassurances that Levi would like her so much.

On the night of the supposed date, however, Hange shuffles inside his apartment, completely crestfallen. Levi entertains a thought - maybe, Hange had realized what a mistake she's doing, but then she falls on his coach, hand over face, and announces, "Lynn canceled your date. Apparently she didn't really know who you are," well, that makes two of them. "And today she saw you and she said you're not really her type," she sniffles, mumbling, "I'm so sorry, Levi..."

"It's fine," he says, and really, it is. He's actually relieved that the date is no longer happening.

Hange has a different opinion, of course.

"But Levi! I ruined your evening! You got all dressed up and now I've ruined it all." Hange shoots up to her feet, her face determined. "I'll make it better," she vows. "C'mon," she tugs at his arm. "I'll take you to the movies!"

*** Evening with Hange is so much better than a date with some Lynn could ever be.

They go to the dinner, eat horrible, greasy fries and down it all with disgustingly sweet milkshakes. They head to the movies next and Hange picks some dumb, action movie that Levi hates and she loves.

It’s quite boring, that movie, so Levi entertains himself by keeping his hand in a popcorn bucket, waiting for his and Hange's fingers to brush.

His heart races every time they do.

It’s almost a perfect evening, the only grievance Levi has is that the movie ends before he could throw his arm over Hange's shoulders.

But this little shortcoming is all but forgotten, when Hange offers to walk him home and then wraps her jacket over him.

Levi thinks about kissing her, about standing on his tiptoes and pressing his lips to her, when Hange declares, rather happily, "I found you another date, Levi! This one will show up, don't you worry!"

And the she bounces away, crushing all of his hopes and dreams.

***

His first real date is a man Hange describes as her university friend.

"Onyakopon is great!" she says. "He is getting his master's degree in aerodynamics and he's so funny! Handsome, too!"

"That's why you're undressing me right now?" Levi points out to her hands that pop open one, then another button on his shirt. Not that he minds, really, he wouldn't say no to Hange undressing him, but not before he has to go on a date with another person.

"You dress like an old man, Levi," she shakes her head, smoothing down the fine fabric. "You need to show them you're not just pretty face, but a rocking bod as well!"

Levi's face catches fire as Hange winks at him, and not for the first time, he wonders why the hell Hange has come up with this whole setting him up with someone shit, if she thinks he looks hot. Is his personality that repulsive to her? But then why she constantly hangs out with him?

Sometimes Hange is as easy to read as a children's book. And sometimes he can't understand her at all.

"Go get him, tiger!" she ruffles his hair and wishes him luck.

Sighing, Levi leaves his apartment.

***

At first, everything is awkward.

Onyakopon asks him questions - what is he doing for a living, what are his hobbies, and Levi gives him short, concrete answers, adding a weak "and you?".

Things pick up after Levi asks what Onyakopon is studying, and the evening is saved from being a complete disaster, when Onyakopon launches into a tale of why he loves aerodynamics so much.

He's handsome, Hange wasn't wrong with that. And he's passionate - his eyes are burning and his hands are flying around as he explains to Levi one concept or the other. Levi understands why Hange is friends with him, they're united by love for knowledge, although Onyakopon is lacking all of Hange's eccentricities.

The conversation shifts after Onyakopon asks him how he knows Hange.

"Co-workers," Levi mumbles, and adds a reluctant, "And you?"

Onyakopon's face breaks into a smile that is even brighter than the one he was sporting while talking about his studies. He starts talking about his and Hange's time in college, how much fun they were having in the lab, and Levi realizes that Onyakopon is yet another member of the pitiful I have a crush on Hange Zoe club and yet another victim of her obliviousness.

"Sorry," Onyakopon chuckles, hand on his neck. "I've got... carried away."

"No problem," Levi answers. "I understand."

"Hange is really one of a kind, right?"

"Unfortunately," Levi says, and both of them share a long, knowing look.

Onyakopon, all in all, isn't that bad. But when they say their goodbyes, there is no promise of another date. There is not even a vague "let's do this again sometime". But if Levi would ever find himself in too deep, when his stupid crush would make him go nearly insane, he knows just the guy to call and get drunk at a shitty bar. Onyakopon would be a great addition to Levi's and Moblit's pity party.

***

Hange is saddened when he tells her that there won't be a second date, but she is not yet ready to give up.

So she sets him up with a person who is very different from Onyakopon. Hange must have forgotten about his rule of no giant blondes because it's the perfect description of Yelena, who is, well, a giant blonde. She also looks like a psycho and even Hange warns him to be more careful with that one.

Ah, well. At least, she isn't in love with Hange. Quite the opposite, actually.

"Hange dated my ex," Yelena explains, skipping hellos, how are yous and other pleasantries. She is too straightforward even for Levi. She’s also incredibly intense. And not in an inspiring way like Erwin is or charming way how Hange is. Yelena is intense in a scary, uncomfortable way. Like a serial killer. "Now I want to date hers."

"I'm not Hange's ex," Levi frowns, wondering where Hange had found that weirdo. "What kind of person sets their ex up on a date?" he adds, feeling that it should be voiced out.

"I don't know," Yelena shrugs. "Probably the one who doesn't really care about that sort of thing. So you're not her ex?" she asks once again.

"No."

"Oh, alright. Good evening then," she raises up from a table, towering over Levi. "Fist steak here is really delicious," she says. "You should try it."

And then she is gone.

Levi stays and orders a steak. It really is good.

Just as he finishes it, he texts Hange,

this one was a psycho. she left after first five minutes

Hange replies with a crying emoji and vows to do better.

***

His next date is with Nifa, and somehow, probably because they already know each other, this date is the most enjoyable yet.

Nifa feeds him gossips about each member of their office, and some of them are actually funny enough to get a chuckle out of him. And when she tells him about that time when Erwin got his pants ripped right at his ass and Nifa walked in on Mike trying to sew them together, Levi loses it to the point of choking on his drink.

When he walks Nifa home, she gives him a tight hug.

"I had so much fun today..." she says, fumbling with the straps of her bag.

"But?" Levi softly prompts.

"But I actually agreed to this date because Hange had asked me. You see we have this little thing with Moblit..."

Ah. So even Moblit is moving on? Lucky bastard.

"I wish you the best then," he murmurs.

"Thank you," Nifa raises on her tiptoes, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. "And Levi? Hange will get around."

He doubts she will, but he’s thankful for the kind words all the same.

***

What follows after that is the worst date of Levi's life.

Zeke is the guy Hange dated in college. The relationship lasted for no more than two weeks, yet Zeke seems immensely proud of his little achievement, mentioning it at every opportunity.

If that wasn't irritating enough, Zeke turns out to be arrogant, pompous and sneering jerk.

Levi accidentally pours his wine at Zeke's white shirt, and Zeke retaliates by kicking Levi's sheen when he goes to the bathroom, almost sending him face-first into the restaurant's carpet floor.

This almost leads to a fistfight that quickly gets resolved by Hange who appears out of nowhere. She calls Zeke a moron and sends him home. She turns to Levi then, apologizing for Zeke and promises to make it up to him. Levi doesn't really need it, just watching Zeke get scolded like that was more than enough to right any grievance he could have had, but then Hange offers to order takeout and watch movie at her place, and Levi thinks he's allowed to feel a little slighted.

The evening ends with Hange fast asleep on a couch and tucked into his side, and Levi wonders if he should agree to another date with Zeke, just so Hange could make it up to him again.

***

"She's cute, isn't she?" Hange shows him a picture of dark-haired, smiling woman, and Levi nods, absentmindedly. The woman is objectively pretty, but her appearance stirs up nothing inside him. "It's Pieck, she's great! Do you like her?"

"She's fine," he mutters, his attention more on the papers in front of him than on that Pieck and their upcoming date. The name is vaguely familiar, but Levi puts that thought aside, deciding to tackle it some other time.

"Then I'll tell her you're free on Saturday!" Hange announces and after swiftly ruffling his hair, she's out of the office, as spontaneously as she came.

*** Pieck Finger is even prettier in person. She has long dark hair and deep big eyes. She uses a walking stick and she's dressed in a colorful sundress.

They're slowly making their way through a museum, and Pieck quietly tells him about different parts of exhibition.

They've walked through two rooms, when Pieck apologizes and asks if they can sit down for a while. Levi leads her to the nearest bench and Pieck shoots him a grateful smile before sitting down.

"Pieck," she offers him her hand. "Hange's ex."

Ah, so that's how he knows her name.

Levi takes her hand in his, squeezing it just a little too tight. He doesn't know Pieck, never talked to her before their date, but she's Hange's ex. Levi can't help but dislike her just for that.

"Levi," he answers, letting go of her hand.

"Oh, I know," Pieck grins, whipping her hair. "Hange told me about you. A lot."

"Oh, right. Before our date."

Pieck chuckles at that, and then turns to the painting in front of them.

"Are you an artist?" Levi asks, taking note of the way her eyes trace every bit of the painting.

"Not really," she says. "But coming here calms me down. Do you have something like that, Levi? Something that calms you down?"

Cleaning, he wants to say. A good cup of tea, he wants to add. But then he remembers his last date, the hot rage he felt just by looking at Zeke. Tea didn't help him then. Neither did cleaning. It was Hange who came and conquered the storm inside him.

The revelation shouldn't be a revelation at all, he knows Hange for a decade now, he also knows just how important she is to him. Yet this discovery still gives him a pause, and it takes him some time to come back to his senses.

"Hange is something else, isn't she?" Pieck's gentle voice brings him back to reality. "She's like... an exquisite painting. She has the same uncanny ability to just draw people in."

Levi doesn't quite know what to say to this, but Pieck doesn't seem to expect an answer.

"But like some paintings, she can be really chaotic. She's too bright, she always feels too much... Don't fault her for having troubles with sorting it all out."

"I don't—" he wants to protest, but Pieck's knowing look silences him.

"We've dated for almost a year," Pieck says. "It's been fun and I was in love. I was also the one who broke up with her. Do you know why?"

Levi shakes his head. Hange never told him.

"And about me? Has she ever talked about me?"

"No," Levi answers. "She did not."

"Huh," Pieck hums, gripping her stick to slowly stand up. Levi thinks he offended her, but when Pieck looks at him again, there is a soft smile on her lips. She reaches out, lays a hand on his shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze.

"And yet, she used to talk my ears off about you."

She leaves a second later, and Levi is too stunned to follow after her and ask what did her words mean.

***

The next date will be the last one, Levi decides. He's getting tired of pretending that he does it in attempt to move on from Hange, because it clearly isn't working.

"That's Petra," Hange explains as she shows him yet another photo. The girl in picture is attractive, and, what's more important, not even vaguely familiar, and that is certainly relieving. Maybe, this one isn't Hange's ex. "She's my cousin," Hange continues, confirming his guess. "Well, she's a very, very distant one, but cousin all the same. She was at my last year's birthday party, do you remember her?"

"Not really," he confesses. All he remembers about that day is being drunk on wine and on feeling of Hange's arm around his shoulders, as she dragged him from one guest to another.

"I don't really remember if I introduced the two of you, but she likes you. She was staring at you during the whole party, she says," she was? Levi didn't notice. Then again, he most probably was too busy staring at the cousin of Hange's cousin to see anyone else. "So, yeah, Petra is, um, excited about this date."

Hange doesn't look him in the eyes as she speaks and she fiddles with sleeve of her shirt almost anxiously. It makes Levi wonder - if Petra likes him so, why haven't Hange introduced them earlier?

"You will like her, I think," Hange says, strangely quiet. "I gave her your number, she'll call you in the evening. Em," she stands up from the desk and pats his shoulders. "Good luck, I guess," she gives him a smile that seems forced and doesn't reach her eyes.

Hange leaves his office quietly without looking back even once.

***

They go to the park. They walk around and Petra gathers flowers as she talks about her hobbies and life. Levi learns that she is a school teacher and she's good at violin. She tends to her old father and she dreams of going to Paris.

She is ridiculously adorable - petite and soft-spoken, she looks like a disney princess, the type that attracts butterflies on her fingers and joins in on birds' songs every morning.

Levi likes her, he thinks. Well, he certainly doesn't dislike her, which already makes Petra stand out from all of his previous dates. And he can work with that, has to work with that, because otherwise he'd have to admit his defeat, he'd have to surrender to the knowledge that he'll be in love with Hange Zoe until the end of his pitiful life.

Levi isn't ready to wave the white flag just yet, so he asks Petra on another date, and then another.

It's going well, he tells Hange and expects squeals, smug looks or, at least, sincere congratulations.

Instead Hange mumbles, "I'm happy for you, Levi," and doesn't ask about Petra again.

Levi tries not to think about it, tries not to think about Hange, because he has someone else now, he has Petra and he has to commit to her now. Maybe, it will help him get over Hange.

And yet, his heart still aches for her and her only.

Still, Levi doesn't give up.

***

Every weekend, he asks Petra on a date, inviting her to a new place each time.

He makes sure that every place they visit is not a place he had ever visited with Hange. It proves to be a hard task very quickly, during their many years of friendship Hange has dragged him to almost every curious place in their city, but Levi manages.

He searches online and asks his friends and coworkers.

"What the fuck, Levi?" Mike looks almost angry as Levi asks him if he knows a good restaurant he can take Petra to. "Don't you and—"

Erwin stops him before he lets out whatever he wanted to say.

He gives Levi a tight-lipped smile and promises to send a few suggestions after work.

However, despite all his efforts, most probably, because he really is a hopeless fool, Levi just can't seem to stop thinking about Hange.

They go to a theater, and as Petra gushes about superb acting, intricate story parallels and other little things Levi doesn't quite see, he can't get rid of Hange's voice in his head that picks up every silly detail and makes a devastating joke about it.

They attend a concert of some local indie group and their songs are just horrible enough to make him miss Hange's weird music taste.

They visit the city's aquarium, Petra is dressed in a lovely blue skirt and sea green top, but Levi doesn't even notice. As he wanders around the aquarium, watching dolphins, sharks and medusas, all he can think about is damn, four-eyes would have loved it here.

*** It's their fifth date and Levi walks Petra home. The night chill is in the air and the winds blows smoothly, ruffling Petra's auburn hair and making her huff adorably as she fruitlessly tries to keep her haircut in order.

Levi wonders if he should lend her his jacket and remembers the time Hange did the same for him. That starts a new chain of thought - his interactions with Hange in the recent weeks, or, rather a disappointing lack of them. Hange doesn't come to disturb his quiet lunches anymore and she doesn't drape herself over his table, pestering him with stupid jokes and annoying puns.

Perhaps, it is for the best. Perhaps, it will make moving on even easier, but Levi doesn't want easier. He wants his best friend back. Even if she doesn't share his feelings.

"Levi?" Petra's voice pulls him out of his thoughts. It's gentle and quiet, like a summer breeze. It's drastically different from Hange's loud, booming one that resembles a thunder. Levi winces as soon the comparison enters his mind.

You're trying to move on, you idiot.

"Levi," Petra repeats, clutching the sleeve of his jacket to stir him away from a sidewalk. "I think we need to talk."

Oh, Levi knows that tone. It's a tone that says there is nothing wrong with you, but…

It's a tone that says it's their fifth and last date.

"I'm sorry," he tells Petra as soon as she seats them at a nearby bench. He really is sorry. He's sorry for wanting but not actually trying hard enough to move on. Petra deserves better than that. Deserves someone who will love her for who she is and not as a replacement for someone he can never have.

"It's alright," Petra smiles, because she's amazing like that. Because she's a kind person Levi never deserved. "I understand. There is someone else, right?" she gingerly lays her hand on his chest, right above his heart. "Someone that lives here."

Levi nods jerkily, moving his eyes to stare at the dark street. The sympathy in Petra's eyes is almost too much to bear.

"I should have known..." Petra chuckles, shakes her head. "When I first saw you, at that party, I was instantly taken away. You looked so handsome, with that sharp jaw and piercing eyes, I couldn't stop staring. I kept trying to catch your gaze, wishing that you would look back and be just as struck by me as I was of you. But you had eyes only for one person, right?"

There is no judgement, no anger in her voice. Petra sounds rather wistful, and Levi thinks that he'd rather endure her bitterness than have her kindness.

"Petra, I'm sorry, I—"

"Don't be," she says, placing a hand on his cheek. She caresses his skin, turning his face to look at her. She's smiling, so sweet and breathtakingly pretty. "It wasn't fair of me, to wish for something that wasn't mine. I saw the two of you, only a blind wouldn't see how devoted you are to my cousin...” and yet, Levi can’t help, but think bitterly, there is someone who still doesn’t see. “Hange is so brilliant, so smart, but sometimes she doesn't notice what's right in front of her. You have to show her, Levi, give a little push in the right direction," Petra pauses, presses her lips to his cheek. "Just don't give up yet. I want you both to be happy."

"Petra..." he touches her hand on his cheek, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Thank you for everything."

"I have my fair share of fun," she giggles. Petra stands up, smoothing her skirt. She turns to look at him, "By the way, Levi, do you have a brother?"

He chuckles, shaking his head. "Only a balding, annoying uncle who is twice your age."

"Ah," Petra's face falls. "Guess the world isn't lucky enough to have another one of you. But who knows?" she grins. "Maybe, I'll find someone even better."

As Levi watches her walk away, skipping between cars and people with an easy spring in her step, he wishes that Petra - the girl who looks just like a disney princess - will find her prince and get her happily ever after.

***

Levi pushes the door of his apartment complex, feeling spent and exhausted, with Petra's words still weighing heavily over his head.

Maybe, he should take her advice? Maybe, he should tell Hange how he feels, just to let it out of his chest.

He contemplates if he should call her or send her a text.

hey, hange, your cousin just broke up with me, because i'm hopelessly in love with you. i have beer and leftover pizza. want to hang out?

He quickly pushes the idea away. It'd be too pathetic even for him.

Besides, what if Hange isn't at home? What if she isn't alone and is on another date or already in someone else's arms?

Levi doesn't think he can take it. At least, not today.

As he shuffles up the stairs, he looks up to see the familiar hallway that leads to his apartment. Everything is as it always is - fluorescent light that flicks on and off, large trashcan littered with cigarette buts, a window that stands broken for almost a month now, and a body sitting by his doorstep.

Levi stops.

The body is definitely a new addition.

Tall, lanky and adorned with a mop of messy hair, Levi recognizes it instantly.

He quickens his step, worry seizing his throat.

What Hange is doing here? Is she ill? Is she—

"Leviii! Here you are!"

Lopsided grin, unfocused gaze and glasses that are steadily slipping down her nose, Levi doesn't need to see a bottle of wine clutched in her hand to know that Hange is drunk.

"The fuck you're doing here, four-eyes?" he grunts, taking the bottle away.

"I came to see you," she slurs, and it's a testament of how far he is gone, because even now, he finds Hange incredibly endearing.

"Why?" he pinches the bridge of his nose, an almost overwhelming feeling of I can't fucking do this right now washing over him.

"I wanted to—" Hange falters, and her grin disappears. "Doesn't matter," she mutters and attempts to stand up. "I should go."

She sways on her feet and trips, almost falls, but Levi doesn't let her. He catches her in the very last moment, putting his arms around her waist.

Hange's hands are around his neck, and she doesn't look him in the eyes. She stares at his left cheek instead.

"You really like her, huh?" she murmurs. "I'm happy, Levi."

Hange doesn't look happy at all. Her lips are pressed together, tightly, and there are tears in her eyes.

Levi doesn't understand.

He presses a hand to his cheek, to the spot Hange was looking at.

His fingers come away red.

Oh, it hits him. Petra's lipstick.

Was that the thing that upset Hange?

"C'mon," he pushes Hange upwards, despite her feeble protests. He doesn't have the energy to deal with it right now, but he can't just leave Hange here or let her go home by herself. "Let's get you inside."

"No, Levi," Hange fruitlessly attempts to push him away, but Levi just tightens his hold on her and presses her to his side.

"Don't squirm so much," he admonishes, struggling to get to his key. "Where did you get so drunk anyway?"

During their many years of friendship, Levi has seen drunk Hange more times that he could count. But he had never seen her like this. Drunk Hange can be loud, vulgar, batshit insane. But she's not a sad drunk, never were. And the things she just said, the melancholy that accompanied them... Levi doesn't know what to make of it.

He decides not to acknowledge it, after all, Hange is drunk, even if she acts more strangely than usual, and so he focuses on getting her inside his apartment without letting her fall down or hit the wall.

It proves to be a more complicated task than anticipated because Hange keeps trying to get away from him.

Levi mutters a curse. As if he would let her.

After they finally pass the threshold, a tougher battle ensues. He leans Hange against the wall and gets on his knees, attempting to take off her shoes while simultaneously keeping her from falling on her ass.

After that is finally done, he drags Hange in the living room and deposits her on a couch.

"Are you sober enough to take a shower?" he asks, already knowing the answer.

Hange confirms it by shaking her head.

On one hand, Levi can always shower her himself, he has done it before. On the other... he's not drunk enough to do it.

"What a mess," he sighs and goes to bring her a blanket and a glass of water.

"So?" he drapes the blanket over her and crouches next to her face. "What happened?"

"I was out with Nanaba..." she begins, hand thrown over her face. "And then Mike and Erwin showed up..."

Ah, so that's who he needs to blame for all of it.

"And they asked me where you were and I told them about your date and Petra and..." Hange lets out a sound, something between a sniffle and sob. "And then they ambushed me! Mike said that I'm an idiot, Erwin told that I acted surprisingly unwise, which is... Have you ever noticed that sometimes Erwin talks like he's a character from Jane Austen's novels? Like he's Darcy or some other shit? It's irritating, I bet he does it on purpose, to appear more... more sophisticated."

"Hange," he flicks her forehead lightly, chucking to himself. "Get to the point."

"Right, right," she nods. "And then Nanaba... Nanaba smacked my head! She called me all sorts of names—" Hange raised her fingers, counting. "A moron, a fool, simpleton, dummy, an oblivious ass and a jerk. She then said I'm blind and unobservant."

Well... Nanaba wasn't wrong. Levi needs to thank her for that speech of hers. He couldn't have said it better.

"I'm not any of these things, am I, Levi?"

Hange turns to look at him now, her large eyes pulling him in, drowning him in their endless depth. She moves her hand, laying her palm on his cheek. The gesture reminds him of his conversation with Petra, but his feelings are different now. With Petra he felt ashamed and guilty.

With Hange, he feels confused and enamored.

She's drunk, he reminds himself. She doesn't know what she's doing, you're taking advantage of her.

He needs to leave her alone, to keep his distance before Hange gets her wits back.

"She's so orderly, huh?" Hange whispers, caressing his cheek. "It's your fifth date, and she only kisses you on a cheek."

Levi breathes out her name, unsure of everything now. What Hange is talking about can't possibly be true.

"She's so good, right? Petra is pretty and sweet, and she's not crazy like me. She doesn't annoy you like I do, and she's—"

She's not you, Levi wants to say. Instead he presses a hand over her mouth, silencing Hange before another stupid thing comes out.

"Stop this, four-eyes. You don't know what you're talking about. You're drunk."

"I am," Hange agrees. "Do you want to know why? Because I fucked up. Because I lost you and it's my fault that I did. Because the thought of you with someone else is so painful that I decided to drink until I forget," she chuckles, a broken, hollow sound, and raises her head to stare at the ceiling. "And now here we are."

Here they are...

"Nanaba was right," Levi curtly declares. "You're an idiot, Hange, the biggest one I had seen."

"Eh?"

"Do you know why it didn't work out with all the people you set me up with? Why it didn't work out with Petra? Why it wouldn't work out with anyone else?"

Hange opens her mouth, but Levi silences her once again.

"I'll let you think about it. You can tell me your answer in the morning."

Before Hange can protest, he plucks off her glasses and wraps the blanket tighter around her.

"Water is on a coffee table," he tells and heads to the bed.

It was one hell of a day. And something tells him - another horrible one is already waiting for him.

***

When he wakes up in the morning, it's to the pleasant smell of fried eggs and freshly brewed tea.

Cautiously, with last night’s events still fresh in his mind, he gets up and follows the smell to his kitchen.

There, he finds Hange with her hair still wet from a shower and dressed in his t-shirt and shorts.

Levi takes a second to take it all in - the sight of Hange in his clothes, the ease with which she moves around his kitchen, as though she belongs here, in his home. It's a sight he would never forget, and a sight he longs to see every morning, until the end of his days.

Hange notices him a moment later. She waves at him, grinning, and beckons him to take a seat.

"Good morning," she sings, far too cheerful for a person who was too drunk to stand last night.

She sets two plates and two cups on a table, and sits down next to him.

"How did you sleep?" she asks through a mouthful of her breakfast. "Good, I hope?"

"It was fine," he shrugs, attempting to mask his unease. Hange looks at him... strangely. "And you?"

"Mm, just a few hours and then I couldn't really sleep," ah, that explains it all then. Levi guesses Hange's cup isn't filled with tea. He wonders how much coffee she had already consumed. "I did something, by the way, to thank you for letting me crush at your place."

"You mean breakfast?"

"Well, that too, but no, another thing." Hange straightens out suddenly, shooting him a rueful grin. Her eyes, however, are nervous. "I've found you another date!"

Levi's face falls, but Hange either doesn't notice or doesn't care. She keeps on talking.

"She's something, Levi, super smart, downright hilarious and is extremely, unbelievably sexy. What's better, she's completely crazy about you. Like, it's actually embarrassing how much she likes you. Talks and thinks about you all the time, considers you the best thing in her life, well, like I said, she's crazy. She will lose it completely if you agree."

For a long moment, Levi is silent. He pushes the food around the plate, keeping his face down. And his smile away from Hange's eyes.

Then, when he physically can feel Hange's nervousness, he finally speaks.

"I guess, I can go on a date or two. See if we're compatible or not."

"Mm, I think you're quite compatible."

"I think so too."

It gets quiet for a moment, and then, because Hange is the biggest idiot he had ever met, she leans close to him and whispers, "I was talking about myself. You realized it, right? I'm asking you on a date. Just you know, I don't want you to misunderstand something or—"

Hange is insufferable. Impossible. Infuriating. Absolutely breathtaking, even in the moments of her greatest stupidity.

And kissing before the first date is unseemly. Outrageous, as Erwin would have put it. Levi’s mother didn’t raise him like that.

But Levi does it anyway, because, as he finds out - it's the best way to shut Hange up.

The kiss is quick, chaste, just a momentary touch to the corner of her lips.

Luckily, it’s enough to make her halt mid-sentence, her mouth hanging open slightly.

Levi rather likes her dazed expression.

“I have one condition,” he remarks casually, returning to his breakfast.

“Anything,” Hange promises, and Levi smirks at the slight breathlessness in her voice.

“No more setting me up with other people.”

“Oh,” she laughs, and because she’s utterly impossible he presses a kiss to his lips too. “Yeah, I can definitely work with that.”

Well, Levi can work with that too.

#levihan

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issaxcharlie · 5 years ago

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We say we're friends, we play pretend (2/2 )You're more to me, we're everything

PART 1 HERE

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x Fem reader

Summary: Charlie and Y/N were best friends and a couple as teens, after their breakup they meet again 4 years later on JATP and have to work together. Will they be able to recover more than their friendship?

If Charlie knew anything in life, it was that he had to take things carefully. Especially with such strong feelings involved. In general, when you like someone, the least you want is for that person to see you as a friend, but particularly for them, recovering their friendship bond was the most important step.

“You were so cute!” Tori and Owen are looking at photos of the guitarist's childhood on his phone. A photo of little Charlie in a suit grinning from ear to ear while holding a girl as if he is spinning her around shows up.

That memory is one of his favorites. He was always a very loved boy with many friends, but in the case of girls he was not the most popular. His best friend on the other hand was, at least for him, the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and boys were always around her. He knew he needed to find a partner for the dance so that she wouldn't feel guilty or he wouldn't feel humiliated by not having someone to go with.

However, he was rejected, quite a few times. He didn’t want to say anything about the dance to his best friend that week because he knew that she would stay home with him without hesitation. But that day half an hour before, he arrived in a suit and flowers for her, so at least he could have a picture of such an important moment with the person he loves the most, and he was the one surprised.

“It was about time Char, we have to take about 30 pictures before we go. Mom bought you a tie so we can match." She is up and down looking for one of her shoes, not even turning to see her friend who doesn’t know if he understood correctly.

At that moment she finally turns to see him and runs for a hug, Charlie barely had time to raise his arm with the flowers.

“You look so handsome, and the flowers are perfect. Best partner ever, I love you so much C! I’ll be ready in a second.”

She had planned to go with him from the beginning, and thought it was an implicit pact. That realization made Charlie's heart beat a lot faster that day. No matter how many people invited her, she wanted to go with him. He spent the night with his favorite person dancing and singing, feeling grateful for her, this light who always chooses him of all people.

“I looked pretty good in those clothes.” Y/N says as she and Madison sit at the table.

“You always look amazing, but yeah that night was special.” It's also the night that he realized that he was feeling more than friendship for his best friend, but this is not the time to talk about it.

He decides to continue preparing his waffles, than even though it already has like 5 ingredients, it seems something is missing.

Y/N blushes a little and smiles. “Here, handsome.” She hands him a can of pringles that she grabbed from the cafeteria when she saw him making eggo’s.

“Perfect, Y/N Y/L teaching everyone why she's my soulmate.” Everyone at the table begins to complain about what they qualify as the most disgusting thing they have ever seen, while the former couple smiles happily as they secretly link their legs under the table and continue their breakfast.

Little details like that one, or as removing all the products that she would take with milk from her hands because she seems to forget every morning that she is allergic can make a difference.

“You are 22 years old and you are still as careless as when we were children, I do not understand how you have survived these 4 years."

“You were always the one who cared about it and kept me safe, I guess unconsciously having you close my brain says, ‘no worries, Char will take care of it.’ So I’m sorry, I'll be more careful.”

A seriously ill 10-year Y/N on the way to the hospital invaded Charlie's mind, whom quickly shook off the bad memory.

“It’s all good, bright star.”

“What did you say?” Madison asks.

“Bright star. I know Kenny calls her ‘golden star’, but he’s the copycat. I've been calling her like that all my life.”

Y/N just smiles, enjoying the moment. She had not heard those words from his lips for years, and honestly Kenny also calling her a star even If it was sweet, made her remember Charles practically every day, and that didn’t help at all to get over the guitarist.

“You are my brightest burning star.” Madison replies, looking at Charlie with amusement in her eyes.

At that moment the actor understands what is going through his co-star's head and panics.

“So this queen is the one who has you so inspired, I should have realized it before.”

“She’s always my inspiration, period.” Y/N starts to laugh while blushing, and Madison’s attention falls completely on her.

“And I guess ‘Bright’ is a coincidence? And rise through the night, you and I, We will fight to shine together...Bright forever.” The songwriter wants to disappear at that precise moment while everyone turns to see her as if she had a third eye on her forehead.

“But you wrote bright long before you even knew Charlie was part of the proyect.” Owen adds, smirking.

“If you are asking me if I draw inspiration from the people I love, to write... the answer is yes. And yes, of course I love him.” How is it possible for the guitarist to slow things down when she says things like that in front of everyone? All he wants right now is to kiss her. This discovery means that despite the time she still had him in mind, the song cannot have been written for long. Hope is flooding his body.

“Ok but they inspiring each other is the sweetest thing in the world, goals right there.” Tori adds excited, her friends blushing.

All those teasing moments helped them to be more transparent with their feelings, hugging, touching, and basically staying close each time they finished their work obligations, almost as if they were afraid that the other would disappear or as if they were trying to make up for lost time.

“We need a lot more energy, especially from Charlie. Luke lives for music, nothing can give him more joy than being on stage."

"They have been working for 17 hours straight and at least 15 attempts with this musical." Paul tries to reason with Kenny mid-recording of Now or Never, which still does not come out as the director was expecting.

“What was in the recording studio that is not here now? I thought they would show an even greater energy than there after they stepped on stage."

They both turn to each other, as if the light had been turned on at the same time, and Paul takes his phone.

A few minutes later Y/N walks on set, Sunset Curve smiles upon seeing her.

“I wanted to make sure that we are fulfilling the vision of our beloved songwriter. Let's not disappoint her, okay? Let's try it one more time." Kenny shouts before starting to record again.

Instantly the energy is seen a thousand times higher, Charlie more radiant than ever, while Y/N replicates his energy behind the cameras, flooding him with sass and attitude. The young singer also motivates her now friends and unknowingly gave Sunset Curve that extra thing they needed to finally achieve the perfect performance. Kenny and Paul doing a fist bump behind the screens.

Soon their chemistry and energy turned into open conversation. The way they made everyone on set cry the first time they practiced Unsaid Emily or how connected and dreamy they were while dancing to Perfect Harmony when Madison wasn't on set.

But they still weren’t together, at least officialy.

If Charlie was honest, the fear of throwing himself all over and losing her again terrified him. The industry they love so much and decided to work in doesn't let having a relationship be easy, and if things go wrong again, they don't know if it might be possible to fix it again. It was basically a leap of faith.

Nonetheless, he knows he's willing, but what about her?

That morning he enters the set overwhelmed with his situation when he sees an even more overwhelmed Y/N walk by without even turning around, almost running to the recording studio.

“I advise you to give her some space for a few hours. Let's say she’s going to have a pretty difficult day."

"Why? What happened?" Jeremy asks as he and Owen stand next to the director.

“She got a call from the people at Netflix, they have already approved almost all the music except ‘Stand Tall’, the closing song, and her favorite. They will come in an hour to hear her presentation and convince them that it is good enough."

At that moment Charlie has an idea. There is no way that he will leave her alone, if he has the opportunity to help her he will do it and he’ll drag along all the people he needs to achieve it.

"Kenny, do you happen to have the music sheets for the song?"

“Don’t tell me-” Owen tries to ask but Charlie interrumpts him.

“Yes, let’s get to work boys.”

An hour later Y/N is freaking out, and she can't help but wish Charlie was around. Of all the days he could choose to disappear, he chose today.

She walks towards the auditorium, where to her surprise way more people than she expected are present, including most of the cast. But there is no sign of her lover boy anywhere.

Now or never. She takes a deep breath and start playing the keyboard. Her voice is the only thing that accompanies the keys. Everything is going as planned, but she can't help but feel distracted, nervous, and overwhelmed.

She is about to give up this fight internally when a drum before the second verse gives her the strength to continue singing, Owen smiles and winks at her to give her some peace of mind, and just a few seconds later Jeremy begins to accompany them with the bass. She knows whose idea it is and she just waits for him to come out from wherever he is hidden.

"I’m going out of my mind, Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing I’ma stand tall, I’ma stand tall." His voice finishes waking her up and she accompanies him in the chorus, their chemistry electrifying everyone until every single person is standing, the cast supporting, dancing and clapping while the couple continues to focus on each other, separating out of obligation every so often but taking the opportunity to sing along with Jeremy and Owen who were doing an amazing job too, impacting with their solos.

The song ends and the boys disappear while Y/N talks to the people who came to evaluate her work, who finally approve the last song on the soundtrack that she has been working on for so long and to which she put all her soul.

The very second people outside the cast leave, Y/N looks for who has always been the boy of her life, the one who has proven that even though the years go by, they only need a few seconds to be themselves again, to be everything again. And as soon as she finds him hanging around only with the other 3 members of JATP she runs and jumps on him, entwining her legs at his hips and hugging him from the neck with all her strength, he immediately secures her by putting his arms around her waist.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

The band starts screaming “Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!” hoping that one of the two will already dare to take the next step, and Y/N stamps her lips against Charlie's, who reacts almost automatically and kisses her back hard, deciding quickly this is the happiest moment of his life. He finally got the girl, or with what just happened, her fierce girl got him.

Hours later both are in Y/N's apartment curled up on a sofa, enjoying being together again.

“Yes, that sexy, beautiful, adorable and talented man is my boyfriend, Charlie Gillespie.”

Charlie chuckles at her random declaration. “What was that?”

“I’m practicing, and I wanted to say it aloud. I’m just so happy right now.”

His heart melts, she’s the most beautiful thing in the world. His brightest burning star.

His girlfriend doesn't give him time to reply, devouring his lips again. After all, she has four years to recover, and as always, he is more than willing to help her.

Thank you so much for reading!

NEXT PART HERE

Tag list:

@siennanoelle01

@reblogserpent

@kiss-themoongoodbye

@writerinlearning

@rachelle3musicals

#jatp luke #luke patterson fanfiction #luke x reader #luke patterson fic #luke patterson oneshot #luke patterson x y/n #luke patterson imagine #luke patterson imagines #luke patterson x reader #charlie gillespie one shot #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie x y/n #charlie gillespie imagine #charlie gillespie imagines #jatp fanfiction #jatp fanfic #jatp imagine #charlie gillespie

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a-dragyns-reflections · 2 years ago

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~Staycations~

Hey y'all! I know I haven't been writing regularly since the new year, but I wanted to share one reason why with you all: I had a staycation!

Now many of you will have different understandings of what a staycation means, such as staying at home all week, reading, playing games, have at home spa days, etc. Well, I did do all of that and more, but stepped up by going to a hotel for a weekend!

It was so nice to just escape my place for those few days; I was getting annoyed at my inability to clean my room, organize my life, and I was starting to get more annoyed living with my sister as tensions were high and awkward for a while. Finally escaping all of that negative energy was a blessing. I got to sleep in a king sized bed and literally one half of the bed was full of my favourite hobbies, the other half was for me to sleep, prop myself up to watch tv, and relax. I finally got back into reading after not reading regularly since I read the Song of Achilles back in November of 2022. I played more Animal Crossing finally after being super focused on Pokemon Violet and enjoyed the island life again while being cozy in a robe on a cozy bed. I even watched normal television after being on YouTube, Twitch, Netflix, and Discovery+ for so long and man, commercials really are still super cringey aren't they. xD What made this staycation even better was the hotel had a deal with the Denny's nearby to have a discount for hotel guests- now I stayed at hotels before where we would only get a one-time use voucher for one day....but this was different, you could have all three meals there and have the discount every time you ate... so Denny's became my best friend during that weekend- especially the Saturday I was there... I had not ate much that day as I still had to deal with some real life things, so I didn't have dinner until 11pm... but they were open, they were kind, and even gave me a full order of nachos for half price. Something so kind and something they did not have to do, but I really appreciated it. The last part of this vacation that I really liked was that they had a hot tub and pool there. I was a bit uncomfortable there as the pool and hot tub were quite small...and with the pandemic still on-going, I had to really work at keeping myself distant from the litlte kids and adults around me, but once I had that hot tub to myself? Oooooh baby. I needed it as I had fucked up my shoulder moving furniture around a meeting room for Toastmasters. I ignored those fears for the 20 minutes I was allowed in the hot tub and just felt so much better. A great way to end the staycation, completely relaxed, well-read, well-gamed, and enjoying the silly tv dramas I enjoy like 90 Day Fiance, Sister Wives, and Love in Paradise- yes I am that kind of person ha.

Why I wanted to share about my staycation is to honestly encourage others to just take some time for themselves. I hated everything around me at one point in my own home and knew I needed a change of scenery. Most people would travel somewhere or go see friends, but I did not have that option this time around, so just a simple change of scenery, other people cooking for me, and getting back into hobbies I had long dropped was the best way for me to reclaim myself, find some joy again, and even just rest a lot more than I had been able too for weeks. Find a nice cheap hotel in your city with a decent free breakfast, and you will be surprised at how well that can reset your mindset, mood, and come back to your place with more love and acceptance than how you may currently feel about it.

Staycations are the best- I plan on having another one in a few months, hopefully you all will have one for yourself in your own ways soon!

#blog #reflections #staycation #staycation reflection #rest #relaxation #gaming #reading #watching tv #mindfulness

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mozak-hh · 4 years ago

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Genshin impact headcanon:

How they find out they’re in love with you

I was just listening to, “love songs,” by Kaash Paige and I got really imspired to do a cute little headcanon. I would recommend listening to the song while reading this cus it is a major vibe ;)

Pairings: Zhongli, Diluc, Kaeya, albedo

Songs to vibe to for the headcanon lol

Zhongli:

Zhongli’s not used to feeling puppy love, those feeling are beneath gods. Especially after all of his years alive, he thought love was something that had run its course. In his earlier centuries, perhaps, but never now.

After meeting you for the first time, he grow fond very quickly of your childish remarks and youthful attitude. It refreshes him to know that not everyone is made of stone. And after your first encounter he goes out of his way to bump into you more and more often.

This usually disrupts your tasks with Childe, so he is the first one who catches on to Zhongli’s little interest in you. Childe will often bicker with Zhongli about it, but instead of snapping back Zhongli will just act oblivious about it.

Zhongli isn’t the type to think extremely deeply about things, so I don’t think he’ll have trouble accepting his feeling about you. But that doesn’t mean he won’t be surprised, and it might take him a while to really figure it out.

He goes back to the place you first had lunch with him and steals collects the cup from where you sat, holding the fragile price of antique in his hand and turning it slightly, inspecting it. He then circles the brim with his thumb, sighing and putting in his pocket. He then puts it on the shelve in his office. Looking at it time to time.

Further on into your friendship with him. Zhongli finds himself idolising your form and appearance. Caressing you hair when you hug him, lifting the stands to his face for a closer look, you’ll never know that though.

He’ll offer his arm to you when you walk around the harbour with him. Letting you wrap you hand around it while talking about your latest discoveries in Liyue. Rest your head on his shoulder and you may hear him suck in a breath. Trying to compose himself. It’s not everyday gods get attached to humans. So when it does happen, you can expect them to be way more possessive than the average significant other.

Albedo:

this man is quite awkward with his feelings ok? he could write a 30 page essay on the essence of human life but not one sentence could describe the way he thrives when your around him.

he would see you walk past the alchemy shop everyday, smiling and talking to the shopkeeper. Before he met you he wouldn’t think to much about it, but after the events in Dragonspine, he grows fond of staring at you outside the shop window, leaving his notebooks and research to sit idly and gaze. On some occasions he may even draw you, search through his notepad the next time the two of you meet and you might find out how many pages exactly he has of you.

the first ones to catch on to his little antics is his apprentices, Sucrose mainly. Though she wont pry too much, as Albedo would often call her ridiculous for thinking such things, she’ll giggle every time she sees Albedo at the window. Knowing exactly what he’s doing.

One day, while you are staying in Diluc’s tavern, Albedo goes wondering around the stalls in Mondstadt, buying flowers from the little girl near the gates. using his magic he evolves them into luscious blooms of colour, and begins his trek to the tavern. It is only once he reaches your room door does he realise what he’s actually doing. This is when it hits him. That perhaps you are worth more to him than his hunger for knowledge. He lets the flowers drop to floor. So many months of drawing your figure and longing for the taste of your touch and now he’s too scared to even knock on your door? he slouches and walks back to where he came from. Not bothering to pick up those beautiful flowers left behind. It is when you finally open your door to get fresh air do you almost step on them. Noticing their other-worldly hue, you knew only one man would have the kind of abilities to make these.

A week goes by, and you and Albedo are up in Dragonspine once again to do research on more artefacts he collected. He treads lightly in the snow, gazing at the way your eyes light up as you talk. he then flinches slightly when he feels your warm hand reach for his own, and you look up at him with a smirk. “The flowers where so beautiful, it’s a shame you didn't bring them to me yourself,” you then lightly kiss his cheek and walk off, leaving him a blushing mess in the cold.

Diluc:

Diluc is known to have little to no interest in women. Much to people’s dismay, this man has no intention of marrying a women so they can steal his money. That is until he met you, of course.

With him money has no limits, so expect to receive many gifts during your nights out with him, or seeing him after he’s been away on business. Whether that be an embroidered lace from fancy stores, or a jade necklace all the way from Liyue, Diluc will show you a world of luxury.

Diluc will always place you beside him at dinner parties or fancy ball. Since he’s been surrounded by vicious women his entire life, it calms him to know you’re right beside him.

there is always a room in the tavern for you, whether you need it or not. The bartenders on duty always know you are allowed to stay after hours, and the drinks always come free of charge.

After a month or two of receiving these perks, you grow tired of seeing so much of Diluc’s purchases, but never enough of the real him. So you seek him out at his winery.

you have no luck finding him however, so you opt for waiting in his office until he eventually shows up. While you wait, you notice a large stack of letters, all of which have your name on it.

Elegant, handwritten love letters. Each and every one of them. Telling you how beautiful you are, and how your smile is always on his mind. In fact, everything about you is edged into his memory, all these gifts you receive having some sort of connection to reminding him of you. The fact that when you wore the dress he bought you last week, it took him days to shake the heat from his body, the longing to touch you.

After an hour or so of reading these letters, your face is completely red. And as soon as you begin to calm down, the red haired gentleman strides thought the door with a fat stack of papers he needs to sign. You jump from your seat, letters falling out of your lap and down to the floor as you do so. He takes one look at the papers surrounding you, and immediately know what they are. Perhaps if he had been brave enough to send these to you, he may of not been this embarrassed.

“As much as I am glad that you finally understand my emotions surrounding you, I would have been more keen to have spoke them to you in person. But that can wait for now. How about you join me for dinner?”

Kaeya:

This lover boy is actually very helpless when it comes to real love. After exposing himself to the elements of your personality, he falls head over heals for you. Possible one of the toughest men to come to term with their feeling to be honest. His flirty and obnoxious behaviour deceiving him in the end.

Kaeya would prefer to see you in the morning. Having coffee before work with you is his personal favourite. It is these genuine outings that he loves most. Unlike the occasional nights of pleasure he has had beforehand. With you, he feels his heart is more precious to you, not his body. As many women would eventually go with a one night stand with the lesser brother of a rich man, than to have conversations with him over a cup of coffee.

On a more positive note, Kaeya will start to recruit you for more and more missions just to enjoy your company. It wont be long till people start to assume you are his personal assistant for the knights. Seeing you accompany him on everyone of his outings. This is where you start to use his office.

The both of you slowly start to share the same working space after a few weeks of being on his team. Memories in his office are some of his fondest when it come to you. staying in and having dinner with him after a long day at work. Sharing stories with him during those mountains of paperwork. Joking with him during work breaks. More importantly, comforting him after heavy battles.

When Kaeya starts to act more like a puppy around you, it is Diluc that teases him bout being a fool in love, and this is what causes Kaeya to finally understand it. Like a break in the ice. All of these months devoting his time to you, never to act on his feelings because on uncertainty. But know he knows he has you, and unlike many of these other women, you wouldn’t be going anywhere.

Kaeya sits impatiently at the local café, tapping his finger on the table as he glows a light shade of pink. Once he’s sees you coming towards his table, his blush sharpens as he stumbles to grab the flowers he bought you beforehand.

aaaand there! Another genshin headcanon, sorry such the long wait. I’ve been pretty busy at work :p comment if you have any suggestions x

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