#2 years of identifying as asexual!

[magicaldreamfox1]

it's my aceversary today everyone wish me a happy aceversary

[leftoverlight]

the one on the far left kinda looks like the ace flag

💜🤍🖤 the most gender

[youareinlovetv]

How Queer Is Tumblr?: Year 2 (Sexual Orientation)

read below the cut for the backstory/update on last years polls

sexual orientation poll || romantic orientation poll || gender identity poll

ok, so hi! this is my main blog. i’m tom, formerly known as t0mbles on this main blog (now the url is moved to my secondary blog), and last year, around this time, i made a ‘how queer is tumblr’ poll asking people which queer identity they are and seeing which one is the most popular. the poll blew up and people liked it but some identified with multiple identities (like a trans lesbian for example) and so i made two separate polls; one for gender and one for sexuality. and that worked out well!

its been a year now; and i want to see if the results will change. a lot of people from twitter and other platforms came in, fandoms changed, and some people have changed their identities altogether! so i’m making 3 polls this year. a sexuality poll, a romantic orientation poll, and a gender poll. i added the romantic poll because i put aromantic on my sexuality poll last year, but that isn’t really a sexuality, is it? so i want to see how that effects things now. that’s the jist of it!

[thecatundertheladder]

Conversations I Think Happened in the Grasslands:

Lloyd: So people use you to justify hate towards queer people, but uncle Wu's chill with queer people, so does that mean you're okay with queer people too?

FSM: I don't what that means.

Lloyd: Uhhh, queer people are people who aren't exclusively attracted to the opposite gender as them, and/or don't identify as their birth gender.

FSM: You have words for that now? Well then yes, I am fine with queer people. And I don't appreciate others using me as an excuse to hate people because of the way they were born. I've had enough of that in my lifetime.

Lloyd, lying on his back: Hey, do you have wifi here?

FSM: No.

Lloyd: Can you get wifi here?

FSM: I’m God, so probably.

Lloyd, sitting up: You should get a twitter account.

FSM: No thank you.

Lloyd: So being gay means you're exclusively attracted to people of the same gender as you, being bisexual mean you're attracted to both genders and-

FSM: Is there a word for not being attracted to people at all?

Lloyd: Um yeah, asexual means you don't feel sexual attraction and aromantic means you don't feel romantic attraction.

FSM: Oh it's wonderful that humanity’s finally figured that we exist. Whenever I told people I didn't want a spouse because I wasn't attracted to anyone they always said 'you haven't found the right person yet'. I'm thousands of years old, I really don't that's going to happen Takeshi.

Lloyd: You're queer?! Ha suck it homophobes!

Lloyd: Wait who's Takeshi?

FSM: Don't worry about it. He's dead now.

Lloyd, squinting suspiciously: Like, did he die of old age or...

FSM, smiling: I said don't worry about it.

FSM: So how is Mystake?

Lloyd: Dead.

FSM: Really? I didn’t know she could die.

Part 2 Part 3

[hiro-doodlez]

Happy Valentines!! Since it's that sad boy time of year for me (for reasons my aroaceness will explain) I have 2 books about being on the aroace spec that I think anyone looking for, uhh validation would enjoy!! Theyre a joy to read and very very comforting on bad days!! More about them under the cut :3

LOVELESS

Loveless is a novel that tells Georgia Warr's story of finding out she's the A in the LGBTQIA+ community. This book has so many quotes that make me just want to cry, like WHY are you this good.. please mx alice oseman STOP THIS ATTACK ON MY HEART “In the end, that was the problem with romance. It was so easy to romanticize romance because it was everywhere. It was in music and on TV and in filtered Instagram photos. It was in the air, crisp and alive with fresh possibility. It was in falling leaves, crumbling wooden doorways, scuffed cobblestones and fields of dandelions. It was in the touch of hands, scrawled letters, crumpled sheets and the golden hour. A soft yawn, early morning laughter, shoes lined up together by the door. Eyes across a dance floor. I could see it all, all the time, all around, but when I got closer, I found nothing was there.” my fav quote: “I'm at uni for three months and suddenly I'm not straight any more.” “I used to dream of a spellbinding, endless, forever romance. A beautiful story of meeting a person who could change your whole world. But now, I realised, friendship could be that too.”

IS LOVE THE ANSWER?

Is love the answer? Is a manga following a girl named Chika figuring out she's (aro)ace. The entire thing has AMAZING art and just some of the most.. i feel you buddy lines i've ever read. For example: "I see. I just haven't met "the one" yet... yeah. I'm sure that's all it is." "I'm asexual. That's what I am. There might be other possibilities. Maybe a year from now I might identify differently. But right now, that's what feels right to me."

[caputvulpinum]

Why can't you people be normal about slurs for 2 seconds

Just because YOU reclaimed and identify with something doesn't mean everyone else does. No one cares about you IDing as a queer or dyke or fag or whatever, people just don't want strangers to randomly assign them words that have historically been used as slurs.

Like, do you understand that people have had this word used against them by bigots? Do you understand that maybe, it's tasteless to get upset at people for having trauma regarding a word? Are you able to comprehend that maybe insisting people be okay with being called a word that means odd, spoiled, ruined or weird is not a good look?

I'm autistic and have a severe learning disability. I'm totally fine when people use the word retard, I call myself a retard, I don't care. But I'm sure as fuck not going to walk up to a bunch of other autistic people I barely know and go "lmao what is up my fellow tards!!!"

I'm not trying to start shit, I'm legitimately trying to understand why you find it appropriate to make fun of people, often victims of abuse or hate crimes, for being triggered by a word.

"I'm legitimately trying to understand why you find it appropriate to make fun of people, often victims of abuse or hate crimes, for being triggered by a word."

Gay is a slur. Lesbian is a slur. Homosexual is a slur. Every single word we have ever had has always either had its roots in cruelty and oppression or has been used against us by our oppressors. There is no term that is pure and clean and innocent and has never hurt anyone's feelings.

Let's disregard fag for now. That one's still in the process of reclamation, I'll admit. Let's just talk about queer. Queer has been the academic term for non-cisgender and non-heterosexual history for half a century now. Queer theory has been around for thirty years. Queer was the word which we shouted as a radical inditement of our treatment by our oppressors: "We're here, we're queer, get over it" and "Not gay as in happy but queer as in fuck you" should both sound familiar to you.

And now it's 2012 or so and queer is known as the most inclusive term we have. It's less unwieldy than LGBTQIAAP+. It's not based in a necessity of defining yourself through your oppression like MOGAI. It's, important, a deeply private word. Not in the sense that it is used privately, but rather than it grants its user privacy. If you're queer, everyone instantly knows you're a part of the community, but you aren't being forced to out yourself or give more details about your personal life and identity than you want. It was always a word about identity.

TERFs hate this. TERFs hate this so much, because it's inclusive of people they hate, like asexual people, trans women, and other freaks of nature who society needs to put down like dogs. Queer means TERFs can't as easily define you as the Bad Other. Queer means TERFs will be recognized more easily as bigoted towards the larger queer communities. So, obviously, they do what anyone would, and decide to take advantage of the language of social justice warriors of the time and attack impressionable young kids from 13-16.

The average 13-16 year old doesn't exactly have much experience in real-life queer spaces. They don't get to go to rallies or protests, they don't stay at community centers, their lives are insular and based entirely online. Their understanding of social politics is inherently rooted in the importance of posting in the right language. Their activism is one which tweets correctly. So TERFs slid into their inboxes and went "Hey, just so you know, queer is actually a slur used to oppress people and it's problematic to use since some people have been called it".

And this works, because of course it does, and now I have people like you in my inbox bitching and whining about how queer is a slur and how you've been called queer once or twice in your life. To this I say: My apologies, but fucking suck it up and reclaim it. I don't care about traumatic events you have with queer. It has been reclaimed by the greater community and was done so long before you were born if you aren't literally 50, and more importantly, by giving queer validation as a slur, you actively give our oppressors that power over you. I'm not going to let my oppressors know that if they say an identifier for us meanly enough then we'll stop identifying as that word. I'm not giving the power to silence and repress who we are to people who would use it.

Anon, I respect you enough to say that people who consider my identity as a slur should get punched in the face, because alt-right fash cunts, pig cops, evangelical christians, TERFs, and hyperconservative political lobbyists all consider my identity as a slur. Why should I treat you any different to them? What about your specific treatment of queer as a slur ends up with a meaningfully different result? The neonazis on kiwifarms won't care why you're telling me to shut the fuck up about queer. They don't give a shit about why you're saying this. What they give a shit about is if it works and if calling people queer will get them to shut up and curl up in a little ball and admit defeat and hand them slurs on a silver platter. And I'm not about to live that sort of life, so either get with the program or fuck off.

[tocomplainfriend]

Danidraws again! Ace and Aro - phobia detected!

TW: Ace and Aro phobia, Arophobia, Acephobia!

Dani made fun of a AroAce Alastor fan for drawing him for AroAce PSA posts:

Person killing fun and comfort of other people, cause... IDK... you are just an asshole, I guess?

Why so mean about a AroAce doing a PSA for people in the fandom who have, time and time again, not known this same things. -And discriminate and attack people cause of not knowing shit.

This sounds like such a "UM! ERMM! Canonically, this character wouldn't b-" shut up. Let Aroace people have their conform and care to explain things to people! You are mean for no reason

Also, the fact of Alastor possible not knowing about Asexuality out of pure guess isn't correct. #1 People can fully use his character for pride month art and AroAce PSA stuff! #2 Asexuality as a term has existed since late 1800 and related stuff to rights of people of different sexualities. In the 1900 Schlegel was quoted: “Let the same laws for all the intermediate stages of sexual life: the homosexuals, heterosexuals, bisexuals, asexuals, be legal as they are now in existence for the heterosexuals” search it up. #3 what's stopping him from learning it, or making fan comics of him doing so?

Sorry, all your knowledge of previous queer awareness comes from the 1980s to 1990s only.

There are many stories of people (FROM AGES AGO) that fall into being Trans! That the term didn't exist all those years ago-it doesn't delete anything from that, or that people can see themselves in them and do PSAs with them in it!

He could've known or not.

(Dani, and anyone, would totally do something with characters they identify with in their own ways too, like this shit is so dumb to complain about as if no one did similar stuff!)

Literally a hypocrite:

Being mean to people about stuff!

(other things about DaniDraws)

[gor3sigil]

Little things about being transmasc and/or a trans man:

As trans men and/or transmasc, we always are told to "do better" than cis men, and at the same time to conform to the patriarchal model of masculinity (white, able bodied, strong, thin, necer show emotions etc) to be seen as men/masc.

But you have to understand that some trans men don't want to perform that type of masculinity or CAN'T altogether.

Furthermore, our sexual orientations are often weaponized against us. If we love men, we're called slurs or in more feminist spaces. we're told that we're just women with extra steps, and if we love women, we're asked why we can't just be lesbians or told that we are doing patriarchy all over again. And if you dare to identify gay, you're told that no gay men like p*ssies, and if you dare to identify as a lesbian, you can't because no lesbians like men. And that is without considering the very broad sexuality/romantic spectrum, where your transness is basically a weapon too (aromantic ? Yeah, figure, you're trans and confused. Bi ? Yeah, figure, you're trans and can't decide. Asexual ? Yeah, figure, you're trans or WORSE you're afab and traumatized and so on and so forth).

Gender nonconforming trans men/transmascs are relentlessly called trenders within the community or asked why they even bother to transition. In the outside world, we are often read as a threat and assaulted because of it. But if you are gender conforming, you'll have smirky cis women tell you how you just fantasised about being a Big Strong Man and are just matrixed by patriarchy or too traumatized to live as a woman.

Want to transition medically ? Oh, but T is a BAD hormone that does BAD thing like make you gain WEIGHT and gives you ACNE and makes you GROSS. On the weight topic I could write a book about the horrible fatphobia within the community because I kid you not, I have been a girl teen with EDs who hung out in pr* an* forums and I've seen some shit in transmascs groups and passing tips that have a real resemblance to what I saw back then. Same for transmascs/trans men fitness groups.

Don't want to transition medically ? Lol theyfab. Like so much a woman. Very lady like with a bonus of bringing the movement down.

When it comes to inside the community, we can't talk about specific issues without being shushed, intersex transmascs, and trans men face a LOT of hardships and are insulted. I remember a friend of mine who is an intersex trans man receiving death threats and got told to [redacted] himself when he talked about his experiences as an intersex trans man BY TRANS PEOPLE.

Bipoc trans men and transmascs are always confronted to the white standards of passing coupled with the rampant racism within and outside of the community.

And one thing I can not not bring up: I think a lot of people forget that we can't mourn our dead. Why ? Because these past years, transmascs and trans men have been forgotten from TDOR lists. I remember seeing Twitter threads from trans men adding them because we don't even KNOW when someone has died or they are deemed as women and the death is treated like a feminicide. And it has been a constant.

We can basically never please no matter what we do.

That's my 2 cents on the transandrophobia because I feel like it needs to be said. If you still think that trans men and transmasc individuals don't face specific issues, think again.

[twig-tea]

TsukuTabe S2 Is Perfection

I’ve been waffling about what to write about Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna s2, which completed last week (and which we have access to at all thanks to the hard work of @furritsubs). I have had to just give up on getting across how much this show means to me; there's no way I'll be able to communicate these feelings with words. Season 1 was excellent but Season 2 was everything I wanted and more that I didn't know I needed. This is going to be more disjointed than usual because I don't know how to be coherent about this show (and because tumblr ate my first two attempts).

At its core, Tsukuritai Onna to Tabtetai Onna asks what if we were all just a little bit more conscientious and kind to one another? What if women were given space to be themselves and to make the choices that were best for them? This is the world of TsukuTabe, and I'm so grateful to have had the chance to inhabit it over these last four weeks. 

I have so much love for the way Nomoto and Kasuga develop their relationship in conjunction with their relationships with the other women in their lives. Nagumo, Sayama, and Yako are integral to the success of Nomoto and Kasuga’s relationship, and they're also important relationships for the happiness of Nomoto and Kasuga in their own right. The found family vibes are immaculate. 

The conflict between Kasuga and Nomoto this season was so perfectly them; the way they struggled with the transition from friends to lovers and being two people who are kind and giving in a relationship together and how that requires honesty and trust were both familiar conflicts that hit me hard in the feels. 

Kasuga's conflict with her family also hit me really hard. I once did the wrong thing and showed up to support my family in caring for someone who abused me, and it was a horrible experience that was ruinous to my mental health and took years to get over (and in the end they had to find a different solution anyway, which they could have done in the first place). Watching Kasuga refuse to make a similar decision, standing strong in the face of the social pressures of her parents and her aunt was so healing for me. And then to have her decision affirmed by someone of her parent's age? I sobbed in those scenes. 

I also loved the way this season handled Nagumo’s anxiety issues and how she was given space to decide to get professional help on her own time and terms. The way her parents tried to help was also very familiar to me and realistic, and it was just a little heartbreaking how they tried and didn't understand how their attempts at helping added pressure in a way that wasn't helpful. 

The way this show covers this important beats in a person's life through these small, everyday moments, and in such a gentle way, is what I love so much about it. The show itself makes a safe space so that these subjects can come up and not feel overwhelming. 

And it's also really important to me that all of the characters get to have these moments. Sakae not only reflects on her insensitivity and the unfairness of Japan not having marriage equality, but she also reflects on the pressures on her to marry and whether she actually wants that for herself. Fujita not only helps Kasuga gain proxy acceptance for her choices but gets the same back for herself around her decision to divorce. All of these women live in ways that invoke social stigma, and the way this show gives explicit permission to these women to live their best lives is both cathartic and critical.

I can't end this disjointed ramble without talking about the character I most identified with this season, Yako. Yako is an older, self-actualized asexual lesbian who makes friends with Nomoto on the Internet, recommends lesbian films to her, and mostly listens and affirms as Nomoto goes through her own process of discovering herself. I ran a GSA and have been on the Internet a long time, I've been in Yako’s position a lot (though I can only aspire to be as kind and wise). She is so patient and so genuinely happy for Nomoto when she and Kasuga get together, and she seems so quietly thrilled to have more wonderful people in her life willing to indulge her random party ideas. Her sharing a connection to a LGBTQ+-friendly real estate agency while being angry on their behalf that she even has to was perfection. 

It's so important that these characters say the things they say aloud. I want to inscribe every sentence of this show into everyone's brains. This show is perfect, and lovely, and a warm bath, and a hug, and a cup of your favourite warm beverage perfectly fixed to your liking all in one. If you haven't done yourself the favour of watching yet, I highly recommend that you do so immediately. 

[not an ID: Real footage of the entire audience's satisfaction and catharsis after watching TsukuTabe S2. Actual ID in alt text].

[fishenjoyer1]

Fish of the Day

Today's fish of the day is the whitespotted bamboo shark!

The whitespotted bamboo shark, known by scientific name Chiloscyllium plagiosum is an average carpet shark. With a range across the Indo-Pacific ocean, from Japan to India living in and around coral reefs, close to the shore. They can stretch as far as the coast of madagascar, but most populations are focused around Southeastern Asia at depths from 0-50 meters deep. The coloration of the whitespotted bamboo shark is unique among carpet sharks, and other sharks in the area making it easy to identify when found. Like other carpet sharks, this shark contains 5 gills, and 2 distinct dorsal fins, allowing a wider range of movement.

The diet of the whitespotted bamboo shark consists of small fish and nearby invertebrates, they have only about 30 teeth of the upper and lower sections of their jaw, but the teeth are small and skilled at grasping and crushing. Softer prey is grabbed by the teeth, biting in to prevent escape, however harder prey, such as crabs or other crustaceans, are grabbed with a different method. To prevent damage to teeth tips, the shark can pivot their teeth backwards, and grab hard shelled prey with this flattened surface, crushing down on them. This diet can support them getting as a large as a meter, with the largest recorded getting up to 37 inches.

Like many other carpet sharks, the whitespotted bamboo shark is egg laying. A single laying will contain anywhere between 2-6 eggs, which will then spend between 14-15 weeks hidden on the sea bed before hatching. However in an aquarium in Detroit in 2002 had a female whitespotted bamboo shark that had eggs despite not being anywhere near a male within 6 years. These eggs went on to hatch and produce healthy offspring. Although, we are currently unsure, the more popular theories being that: this species of shark contains both female and male genitalia, this shark can store sperm for longer than initially thought, or that this species may be able to complete a process called parthenogenesis, which is a kind of asexual reproduction.

Have a wonderful Wednesday, everyone!

[kirby-souljourney-au]

Meta time!!!!

No, I didn’t forget he had a cape until I was almost finished, I knew the entire time I swear. (I definitely forgot.)

Once again, this man takes up too much canvas space for me to put his scar map in the same one as his full ref, so he needs a separate image as well.

All his information and hex codes are under the cut, as usual!

I still can’t draw abs. And I’m sorry this took kinda long, I got distracted… the Taboo rewrite & the planning for the fic itself has a vice grip on my soul.

Full name: Ione Argon

Aliases: Meta Knight, ‘Nene’ (don’t call him that unless you’re his friend)

Species: Earthling Dragon (Fire/Ground) x Dream-Dark-Matter Astral Hybrid

Planet of Origination: Popstar

Age: 231

Height: 6’10”

Gender: Intersex; identifies as non-binary

Pronouns: He/Him/His

Sexuality: Multi-spec lesbian, asexual

S/O: Galacta Iriam (fiancée) (and Ophanim/Morpho EX (girlfriend), in the future)

Family: Hano Agron (biological mother), Ekia Argon (older sister), Vaga Argon (older sister), Sirv Argon (younger brother), Kirby Argon (adopted son) (as well as Athena Iriam (daughter), in the future)

The famous Meta Knight of the Galaxy Soldier Army, well-known for his title and sacred blade, Galaxia.

Engaged to Galacta Iriam — currently has no biological children with him, but adopted 14-year-old Kirby as their son when he was aged 6.

Works as a Knight under Dreamland’s King Dedede, and is head of Castle Dedede’s Royal Guard.

Quiet and seemingly apathetic, though kind-hearted and meaning nothing but well, he finds general difficulty in befriending others due to his somewhat off-putting demeanour. He is very kind, though, just ultimately socially awkward and nervous as an individual.

He joined the GSA the second he turned 19, believing himself to be responsible for the safety of the Galaxy due to his Astral heritage, as well as to get as far away from his mother as possible. He worked with them for the majority of his life since he joined, until an attack by Nightmare wiped out nearly all the GSA’s forces and scattered those that remained. He’s worked for King Dedede as his Knight for about 30 years, and finds genuine enjoyment in his current job.

His weapon of choice is the sacred Master Sword, a sentient enchanted blade named Galaxia. He also uses his natural Fire magic, and on rare occasion, Dream Magic, when necessary. Very well-trained in swordplay, and certainly no easy opponent.

Hex codes

Both:

4F3224 — Scars / Palms

311A0F — Skin

101010 — Socks / Gloves

120E1C — Fuzz fade / Cape back

1D1D47 — Hair / Fuzz base

E0BEFF — Inner ears / Wing webbing

FCC66F — Iris 1

FFFFFF — Wing talons

BFBFBF — Ring / Thigh guards (or whatever they’re called) / Arm guards

Armoured:

18122B — Chestplate & Pauldrons 1

2C2240 — Battle shirt (?)

32353E — Pants

6B5B86 — Straps

CCCFFD — ‘M’ symbol

472A77 — Sabatons

E4C69A — Chestplate & Pauldrons 2

000000 — Inner cape (plus multicoloured Nebulae)

Unarmoured:

1A1A1B — Shirt

343434 — Face mask / Dress pants

D2CDC4 — Iris 2

FFFBF4 — Eye whites

Tail-tip:

08003D — Base / Fade 1 (using Nebula brush)

00113D — Fade 2 (using Nebula brush)

0046FF — ‘Star’ patterning (using Glimmer brush on Hard Light, with base & fade colours overlaid on top using a clipping-mask Colour layer)

[all-thestories-aretrue]

There are many jokes floating around the shadowgast nation about the nature of Caleb and Essek's relationship (eggplants and winky faces abound), and most of them are good natured and perhaps true (eventually or at some point). I find most of them entertaining and sweet, but some of what I have stumbled across post-reunion have highlighted that it's only a joke up to a certain point to me.

Please keep in mind that everything in this post is my opinion and my opinion only. I'm not asking that anyone agree with me. This post is mainly for me because I felt like I needed to make it.

I have seen several comments/posts/tags in many different places talking about Essek and Caleb and that scene in the reunion, and describing it as horny or saying they can't keep their hands off each other or following up that conversation with sexual intimacy. I know a lot of these comments or conversations are not malicious or ill-intentioned, and I understand that people are excited for the first new content in nearly 2 years.

But, one thing I have appreciated about Critical Role is the variety of sexuality and genders represented, including various asexual and aromantic identities. Essek is confirmed by Matt on Twitter to be demi (romantic or sexual is unclear to me so it could be taken as either. If anyone has any other sources I would greatly appreciate them). As someone who identifies as aspec, I deeply appreciate the representation that Critical Role has given me.

The shadowgast scene in the reunion was not sexual to me. It's only been six months since the end of c2, which granted, I have not completed yet. As of this writing, I am in the middle of episode 133. Whatever is going on between Caleb and Essek is still very new, especially for two people who thought they would never have love. An aspect of being demi is that it takes time and closenes and a strong emotional bond for romantic and/or sexual feelings to develop. Six months, to me, feels like an incredibly short time for those feelings to take root for Essek even if he is on the path of developing them.

Seeing people make light of Essek's sexual attraction or feelings for Caleb or treat them as common place or casual, even innocuously, has made me feel as though this aspect of Essek really is ignored or forgotten about sometimes. Not by everyone nor, I would even doubt, the majority. Maybe not intentionally or maliciously or maybe it's a lack of understanding about demisexuality or aspec identities.

This is a feeling I have had for a while, and I mean this about nothing in particular but rather a sum of the parts I have encountered over the months.

In addition, I think Essek's sexuality can be overshadowed by how sexual Caleb can be/is. He makes comments throughout the entirety of the campaign that directly or indirectly reveal his sexuality, and that part is clearly important to him, even if he has not acted on it in a very long time.

I am not saying that Essek is NOT sexually attracted to Caleb or that their relationship does not involve sex at some point or at the time of that scene. I do think, at the very least, that Caleb and Essek would have a conversation about it as some point, and I find it likely it would turn sexual. At the very least, Caleb is attracted to Essek. Liam has confirmed that. I would guess those feelings are a combination of romantic, sexual, platonic, etc.

But I cannot imagine, and again this is my opinion, that feeling sexual attraction or acting on it for the perhaps first or second, maybe third time, is not a life-altering moment for him, let alone acting on it. From what see of his character, he's extrmely gaurded, extremely lonely, extremely shameful. Showing his emotions and attraction to Caleb, or to anyone really, is an extreme show of trust and vulnerability, and I don't think it should be taken lightly.

Treating it, at least in those early months, as though it is common or casual, something taken for granted, feels, to me, as though it undermines the importance and gravity of Essek's feelings, whatever they may be. Further, it undermines aspec identities, relegating them to sidelines if it is even acknowledged at all. I feel as though a lot of the jokes ignore Essek's demisexuality and how integral it is to how he builds relationships and interacts with people.

As someone who is aspec, I find it disheartening to see these sort of jokes and offhand comments being circulated about a character who is confirmed, canon aspec whose identity centers on deep bonds that take time to develop. Applying sexual under/overtones to scene where a small chaste kiss and an innocent pet name are shared feels like, in a way, a forced sexualization of a new, developing relationship that may never turn sexual.

There is such little aspec representation in media, and Critical Role does a fantastic job of showcasing a variety of aspec identities which is so, so rare. To turn around and have the fandom ignore or disregard these identities (intentional or not) that the cast and crew work hard to incorporate feels bad. It makes me feel as though I still have to fight for my identity to be seen and understood by people who, theoretically, support and want to understand and respect various identities, who claim to love Essek and Caleb and their relationship. It hurts.

I have spent a lot of time convincing myself that I and my sexuality belong in the queer community, that I deserve to have a voice, that I deserve to be respected and heard. With my feelings about Essek and his demisexuality, I didn't feel right standing by any longer and remaining silent when these portrayals were bothering me.

I am not asking anyone to change their opinions, to agree with me, to change the fic they write, the art they draw. The Critical Role fandom is beautiful and amazing and absolutely incredible. I have met so many kind, caring, wonderful people since joining. It's an experience unlike any other. But, I needed to make this post for me and anyone else who was feeling like me.

[livalittles]

happy international ace day!! 🖤🩶🤍💜

shout out to all the aces ever you are so valid I love everyone RAH

Flashback to the day I bought my ace ring after identifying with asexuality for 2 years prior. I was so overjoyed to finally present a subtle piece of my identity and show to others that we aren’t alone! Everyone is so valid I hope you all feel seen today - love you all <3

[earthyspice33333333]

It's June. Let's do this. Posting to a new account just to give my main privacy.

Also I'm American and can't afford therapy.

I'm having trouble figuring out my sexuality so I've come to Tumblr for help.

I know I'm aromantic. That's probably the only thing I'm certain of.

I guess the main questions are:

1) I have a hard time with feeling aroused or horny thanks to medication and depression. And maybe self-esteem. This clouds my perception of if I'm asexual or not. Do I look at people I consider sexy and attractive and think "I want to have sex with them?" Nope! But I also look at people and think "Would they want to have sex with me?" And also answer with a resounding 'Nope!' So I didn't know if it's self-esteem or asexuality or both. I'm attracted to men more than women but I have fantasies about women, too.

I know asexuals can be horny, have fantasies, have sex (I have, I had a long relationship with a man for nearly 15 years). But because I just can't visualize myself having sex with anyone, I wonder if I'm asexual.

2) When I do get horny, I wish I had all the genitals. When I'm not horny I wish I had none. Is this gender fluidity? I have no idea. I don't think I'm trans/an egg, but maybe I am? I'm comfortable identifying as a woman, I just didn't want the reproductive organs unless I'm having sex. Get these dang boobs out of here. And no, but don't want to swap them for dick and balls. But damn, I'd love to have a prostrate and a dick and balls when having sex. What does that make me? (Aside from probably kinky)

Thanks for any help

[pktrancy]

Ace/Aro/Aroace community help me. I’m a sex repulsed asexual. I’ve identified this way for a decade. I don’t experience any form of physical attraction, but i can find some people aesthetically pleasing enough to call attractive. I’m pretty certain in these aspects of myself.

But the romance part confuses me. I’ve had crushes on people before, only men. And when i say this i mean honestly there was only like 1 or 2 guys i liked. But like… lately I’ve felt like romance just doesn’t exist. I feel that People enter into relationships to satisfy needs, whether that’s sexual or emotional. (I know people feel differently but this is just the way i see it, i don’t want to start an argument) I can’t imagine anyone ever “loving” me because i don’t have anything to give, especially not sex. But id like to be loved. I just don’t believe in it anymore. And i haven’t felt romantic attraction in 4 years.

Uh, is this feeling part of the Aro spectrum? Or am i just having complicated feelings? What even am i anymore?

[prototypesteve]

Four. An origin story.

I found asexuality in a census menu.

At my workplace, we have a section under our employee profile called “Count Yourself In” where you can privately share any information that will help paint a clearer picture of our team’s real demographics. It’s meant to push back against underrepresentation. It’s good.

Nearly two years ago, I was reviewing my profile, to make sure I’d properly checked off “multiracial” with Welsh and Japanese as my LEGO bricks, when I saw the sexual orientation menu had been reset to “please choose” or something. That usually meant we had updated the wording to allow for people’s preferred terms.

I knew my three options. Heterosexual, gay, or bisexual. I knew I wasn’t attracted to men, so that ruled out gay or bi. I had tried and failed to be attracted to two different women. In a 0% versus 2% toss-up, heterosexual won. Hetero Lite? So, I clicked in the menu, to re-select hetero …

And died.

Not literally died.

But died.

There was a different option. Asexual.

I didn’t even have to Google it. I knew what the a-prefix meant. I knew words like apolitical, amoral, agnostic, atonal, asymmetrical, asymptomatic… and I even knew the word asexual as it related to biology. But here it was under a menu for sexual orientation. Option four.

Decades of confusing experiences, heartbreak, shame, embarrassment, alienation, exclusion, loss, hilarious screw-ups, all smashed into place like magnets.

I thought about what identifying as asexual would mean. Who’d know? What would they think? Would I get in trouble? Oh my god, who’s asks that? This is real isn’t it? What are you afraid of?

The office was empty. We were only beginning to return to work after the pandemic. I still looked around.

I clicked on asexual. My option four.

I knew I had a lot to learn. I knew I had a lot to untangle. I knew I would have to unpack decades of wrong. But now I knew.

Then I did what I always do. Had a quick discreet cry, sorted myself out, and went for a long walk.

I was going to be okay.