#3) his decision to live as a man was completely respected by his family and community

[hannieehaee]

WANTED U

18 + / mdi

summary: everything about your relationship with minghao was perfect, leaving you with no complaints. except maybe in one area: minghao's stoic attitude during sex, making you entirely insecure about whether he wanted you as bad as you did him, or if he was maybe just too in love with you to let you down.

content: misunderstandings, established relationship, he's very very in love with reader, he's just a bit backwards, smut, afab reader, miscommunication (shocker), oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, dry humping, mentions of fingering, etc.

wc: 5.7k

a/n: based kind of maybe a lil bit on personal experience but 100% reimagined for fanfic purposes lmao

masterlist | kofi/patreon

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You were absolutely head over heels in love with your boyfriend. There was no way to fight it - not that you wanted to. It was as if his sole goal in life was to love you. He had even told you that before, claiming that his parents had been the greatest love story he had ever seen, and that he had wanted nothing more in life than to find a love like theirs. He'd said that his father had once told him, 'live to love, and love to live', advice which Minghao took to heart.

His father was a wise man when it came to love, even letting Minghao in on the secret that all his ambitions were driven by his love for his mother. Minghao had communicated their entire love story to you soon after meeting. You had only known each other for a short period of time before Minghao confessed to you, claiming that a friendship would not suffice for his heart, which had been taken by you upon your first meeting. He would've respected your decision if you had decided to remain friends, but was relieved to hear your enthusiastic agreement in becoming his girlfriend.

Being his girlfriend came with endless perks. For one, you got to be with the absolute love of your life; a man who was never shy to express his love to you through any means possible. He was also a successful idol, something that came with its troubles, but allowed you to see and support your boyfriend in all his passionate endeavors. He'd spend every free moment tending to you and showing you what it meant to be loved. There was no world in which you weren't completely enamored by the man.

You'd only been dating for four months by now. He had already introduced you to his friends and family, proudly letting them know that you'd be around for a long time, being completely certain that you were the love of his life. Sure, it might've been a bit soon, but the moment Minghao saw you, he knew you were the one. His certainty always made you a bit shy, a reaction which he'd kiss away by reassuring you that he'd never meet a love greater than yours. It was all perfect. You felt at home with his friends and family, quickly growing used to what would now be your forever family, as you also believed Minghao to be the one and only love you would ever come to know.

He showed you love through every means possible. He insisted on taking care of you financially, while also supporting your independent and professional endeavors. He took care of you emotionally, always lending an ear to listen to your problems and lips to soothe your worries. He'd constantly feed you with words of affirmation, almost as if he'd grow sick if he went a single day without you knowing how enamored he was. He'd make love to you ... and that was it on that matter.

Not to misunderstand, your sex life with Minghao was magnificent. There was no form of pleasure the man could not achieve to give you. He had you delirious with arousal with one single touch, making you beg even when he never demanded it from you. As many of his fans guessed, Minghao was just as experienced as he appeared. There was large variety of things he would entertain in the bedroom, never leaving you dissatisfied.

The issue laid in you, truly. Although you were always enthusiastic in the pleasure your boyfriend gave you, you weren't sure you could say it was the same for him. He would always shower you with endless praise and affection in every other circumstance, but while in the throes of passion the most you could really get out of him was a few muffled groans or one or two short-lived praises. You felt as if there was a imbalance in the pleasure you gave one another; almost as if he didn't want you as much as you did him.

You had recently realized that you were often the one to begin any sexual encounter, never having to beg for reciprocation, but also very rarely being enticed by the man himself. You almost felt embarrassed at the realization, having already been feeling a bit off at his lack of reactions towards you during the fact. Was he simply entertaining you out of pity? Did it not feel as good for him? Was he not into you physically as he was emotionally? You knew he always came when being intimate with you, always letting out a lone groan of your name when he finished. It was still hard to feel confident about your sex appeal when your boyfriend never gave you much to work with. You also felt a bit pathetic knowing he gave you the utmost pleasure while you seemingly gave him the barest minimum of it.

Talking to him about it was out of the question. You knew your boyfriend thrived off of healthy communication, but he hadn't mentioned any issues in your sex life, so you felt embarrassed to bring it up. Not only that, but you didn't want to come off as desperate or ungrateful. He was your best friend; the perfect boyfriend. You didn't want to open a can of worms that would have things go awry. So you decided to come up with a plan; maybe test your hypothesis.

Getting Minghao undressed and ready to fuck you was never too difficult. Just a few kisses and whispers asking him to please take care of you and he was ready to take charge. Currently you were in the middle of it, sitting on the couch as he kissed your neck, pulling breathy sighs out of you as you moaned his name, but received no reaction in return. You decided to act as usual, maybe gauge what got him going and what didn't. So far, he had spoken no words as he simply did what he knew you liked. He ran his hands through your body and kissed you deeply, drawing moans and whines out of you at the simplest of touches.

You felt a bit embarrassed, realizing how easy it was for him to get you going while it was the complete opposite for him. Now on the bed, he ground against you, still making no sound or any other indication of pleasure as he thrusted his hardness against you. You wondered how that felt for him. He was hard, so surely he was aroused, right? Shouldn't that equal some type of pleasurable reaction to the feeling? You weren't able to ponder on this for long, as he suddenly knelt next to bed, going straight to business against your heat.

"H-hao ... fuck!", you pulled at his hair, extremely sensitive to his touch as you usually were.

You couldn't help yourself in pulling at his hair, even grinding against his skilled tongue. You were completely lost to the bliss, moaning endlessly at the pleasure, unlike your boyfriend, whose only sounds were the slick of his tongue dragging against your pussy. If the tables were turned and Minghao was growing delirious on the feeling of your mouth on him, you'd be just as affected, getting off on the sound of his voice moaning out your name. So, you couldn't help but still feel disappointed at him eating you out with no further reaction.

However, the feeling of your orgasm overtook your disappointment, making you forget about any ill feelings and cumming against his tongue. What followed made you hollow out again, though.

He got up from his knelt position, nodding at you and asking a simple, "ready?" before undoing his pants and climbing on top of you, entering you immediately after putting on a condom.

You moaned and whined against his ear, scratching at his back at the pleasure; all things you usually did when he fucked you, but received no reaction in return. He'd give you the occasional muffled grunt, not even seeming like he was holding back, but more like he had nothing to give. It was a conflicting feeling. On one hand, you felt an insane amount of physical pleasure, but on the other, your emotions couldn't help but feel hurt by his lack of arousal towards you. Call you shallow, but you just wanted to feel like your boyfriend found you sexy, damnit!

"F-fuck, Hao! Gonna cum, don't stop. Shit!", it was easy for him to get you there, knowing all your weak spots by now. And it was just as easy for your body to take control of your mind, making you forget all worries as you came once again. He didn't take long to reach you, releasing into the condom with a grunt.

What made it worse was how sweet he was afterwards, calling you his beautiful girl and helping you clean up, only to cuddle you afterwards.

"You okay, my love? Felt good?"

Now, to any reasonable person, this would've been the perfect chance to speak up, maybe let him know about your concerns, but you just felt too pathetic. What were you supposed to do? Force your boyfriend to moan? Force him to give you the reactions you wanted rather than the ones that came naturally from him? You were supposed to accept him as he was, just like he did you. So, you responded with evasion.

"Yes, baby. Felt amazing. Love you."

You decided to go for a different approach this time.

Within the few months that you and Minghao had dated, you had really only spent a little under two months physically around each other. His job had a tendency of pulling him away from you for extended periods of time, so you were lucky if you ever got a whole week with him. This meant that the two of you would always try to make the best of the time you did get to spend together.

Within those two months of physical proximity, you two had a healthy sex life. You had sex for the first time only two weeks into the relationship, then proceeding to have it very regularly after that. Although, you were usually the one to initiate it.

In order to change things up, you decided to stop. You wanted to see how long it would take Minghao to approach you himself. Maybe gauge what it'd be like if you suddenly took it away. Would he react then? Would it feel better for him if you allowed a short period of time for things to mellow out?

The answer was no.

Only three days after your previous time having sex, he came home from dance practice, greeting you with a kiss. Except that instead of pulling away, he kept your lips connected, grabbing onto your waist to pull you close to him. Things went pretty much as usual after that. No words were exchanged (at least not from his side of things) as he undressed you and entered you while laying on the couch.

It was insanely pleasurable as per usual. His pace was slower than normal, and you heard a few more muffled grunts, which excited you like crazy.

"H-hao ..." you couldnt help but sigh as he angled himself perfectly to hit that sensitive spot inside you. You scratched at his back, arching your back against his chest.

He made no response, only going faster as he clearly realized your end was coming. He held you close to him, caressing your body tenderly despite the rapid movement of his hips. It was all perfect, sans the thing you wanted most; his lust for you. He cleaned you up afterwards, sheepishly apologizing for jumping you with no warning, giving you a quick peck as he said it. The conversation regarding sex ended there, with him expanding about his day and you yours. Had this been progress? You weren't sure.

Next attempt felt a bit pathetic.

You looked amazing. You needed no confirmation, you just knew it. You had bought a pretty lacy number, exactly in a style you knew your boyfriend would like. You hadn't had a chance so far to really dress up for him yet. So far, you had worn pretty panties and matching bras while being sexually active with him, but there had been no instance in which you really pulled out a whole set for him.

It felt a bit silly, resorting to perfectly trimmed lace in order to see if maybe your boyfriend would show some lust towards you. You even lit some candles, for god's sakes. This had to work, or else you'd feel like the biggest loser alive. You were a bit anxious, to be honest. You had never dressed up for a guy, but you'd heard it worked wonders in the bedroom. You knew the sex itself would be amazing, but you hoped that everything else also lived up to standard.

It wasn't long until you heard the keys unlock the door, which signaled that you should put into position. You had a matching silk robe, throwing it on as if to hide Hao's gift under a perfectly tied knot. He hadn't noticed you upon entering the room, having to do a double take to take notice of your pretty hair and makeup, way too fancy for an usual occasion.

"Love? W-what's with the look? You look beautiful," he approached you with a sweet smile, arms going directly to your waist

"Just wanted to do a little something for you, Hao. Do you like it?"

"Of course, angel. You look so pretty. Is there anything under the robe?", he lifted his eyebrow at you, hands playing with the knot.

"Find out?", you wanted to give him free rein, wanting to once more gauge his reaction. This was all for research purposes, after all.

"Oh ... Baby, you didn't have to do this ... You look gorgeous ..." he breathed out upon undoing the tie on the robe, immediately pushing it off as he ran his hands up and down your body. Yes, this was a good start. An amazing start, actually. He wanted you? That had been just your goal. His breathy sigh? God, that had you reeling.

He seemed to get distracted by the sight of your body being hugged by the expensive fabric, but eventually snapped out of it, shaking his head as if to get himself out of a trance. He kissed you after that, no longer paying any mind to the lingerie, nor to his previous reaction to you. He kissed and kissed you, same as he always did. Your moans against his lips fell to deaf ears, as he did not reciprocate with more moans of his own. You kissed him back, unable to not match his enthusiasm in making love to your lips.

What had just happened? You were going in the right track! He had suddenly just snapped himself out of it, basically willing the lust away. Had he wanted to hold back on purpose? Did you just need to incite him?

You let him kiss you for a while before gesturing for him to kiss down your neck, playing up your moans a bit and pushing your chest towards him. Eventually you placed his hands on your chest, now being a bit more direct.

"H-hao ... Do you like it? Did I do good?", okay, now you were a bit more embarrassed. You had never really delved into dirty talk with Minghao, much less submissive speech. There had never been a need since the man had no tendency to speak during sex at all - sans the times he'd check up on you. You hoped maybe he would react well to it.

"Yes, angel. You're perfect. Let me take care of you now, yeah?"

That was code for be quiet and let me get to business. Or at least that's how you took it. You were disheartened, but allowed him to continue, still enjoying his touch regardless of anything. You appreciated the compliments, but you did not feel sexy anymore. What you were feeling could better be described as childish and dejected. You felt like you'd shown a desperate side of yourself only to be met with nothing in return.

Your thoughts faded away the moment he began to drag his thigh between your legs, quickly drawing moans and cries of his name out of you. Was it that hard for him to do the same? What more did you need to do?

Logically, it didn't take him long to make you cum. You came in your lace panties, still earning a groan out of him upon feeling your cunt spasm against his bare thigh.

"Hmm, baby. Looked so pretty today ... Are you okay? Need me to clean you up?", he gave you a sweet kiss, running his hands up and down your sides in a caring manner.

"I'm fine, Hao, thank you. I, uh, what about you? Are you ... ?"

"I'm fine, baby. Don't worry about it," he smiled at you despite the obvious boner concealed by his shorts, "Get changed, angel. You'll get sticky and cold."

And that was it once again. Your outfit had given you a favorable reaction, but it died off quicker than you expected. You were back to square one all over again.

You had one final plan. If this didn't give you answers, you weren't sure how to proceed from there.

What if you pulled a 'Minghao' on Minhhao? Would he react if you suddenly became stoic while in his arms? It felt disingenuous, and the mere thought honestly made you feel a little mean, but you had grown desperate by now. It had been months of amazing sex that you were sure was gratifying only to you.

Next time you and Minghao found yourselves in that mood, you decided to lay pliant in his arms; not react to his touches and movements the way you usually would.

It was weird, not letting him know how much you loved his touch. You kissed him back, even held him back too, but your mouth was silent, as was your body. He kissed down your neck, soft hands touching at every corner that usually had your eyes rolling back, but you persisted. There were no reactions out of you, only muffled groans just like his own. You felt some hesitance in his touches, sometimes pausing as he didn't get the desired effect from his actions. He didn't vocalize his concerns, however, only continuing his path as he fingered you. His lips never left your skin as he worked you through your first orgasm.

It had been a feat, truly. The feeling of his lips against your skin was enough to have you mewling for more. His fingers curling inside you usually had you whining his name, but this time the most you could allow yourself to muster was muffled or broken cries as he drew you to completion. Even then he didn't question you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion with the question trapped between his lips. He moved on to undo his pants, prepping you a bit before sliding inside you. He let out the lone moan he always did upon sliding through you, but made no further noise.

You were going insane, toes curling and body completely tense, trying your hardest not to react. It wasn't just the pleasure, but your intense feelings for the man. The way he felt against you and gave you all his love through his touch. You felt like crying at the thought. Which is what you did without realizing. You couldn't help yourself. The love you had for your boyfriend was indescribable, even if you had been dating for so little. He felt the same, which was something he'd always let you know on the tender nights you'd spend sleeping in each other's arms. Right now, though, you felt like shit. It was hard for you to even enjoy his touch, which was a new experience for you.

Minghao must've noticed your cries, which had been louder than you realized, instantly halting his movements and checking on you.

"Angel? My love, what's wrong? Are you hurt?", he pulled away completely, still keeping his arms at your sides in an attempt to soothe you, but pulling his still hard cock out of you.

The sudden lack of proximity only made you cry louder, sniffling as you tried to catch your breath.

"Baby, tell me what's wrong, please. I'm so sorry, I didn't- I didn't mean to hurt you. Where does it hurt. How can I make it better?"

"Why- why don't you want me?", the question left your lips before you even realized, face heating up at your own words.

"What? Want you? What do you mean?"

There was still time to run it back, maybe make some type of excuse about why you'd been crying. But your emotions decided for you, not allowing your brain to formulate a lie before your mouth was opening again.

You took a quick breather, allowing yourself to catch your breath before responding. Minghao seemed to understand this, running his hand up and down your back in a soothing manner.

"I just ... I just don't understand. I love you, Minghao. I love you so much. I want you so much. Why don't you want me back? What do I need to do? I cant ... I can't keep doing this," you had stopped crying by then, but your emotions were still heightened.

"Love? I love you. What are you talking about? I'm in love with you, you know this. Please tell me what you mean? Tell me if you're hurt. I can't- I'd never want to hurt you."

He was now sitting right by you, your legs now closer while his hand came up to your cheek, wiping one of the last few tears remaining on your face. It made you feel like an asshole. He was being the amazing boyfriend you always knew him to be, reassuring you of bis affections while being worried for your wellbeing, not once stopping to care about himself. Meanwhile, you were crying because you wanted your boyfriend to feel lust for you. It was pathetic, really.

"I know you love me, Hao. You're the perfect boyfriend. I'm okay, I just ... fuck. I'm so embarrassed, I'm sorry. I don't want you to worry about me, it's so stupid, I'm sorry, I-"

"Angel, please stop apologizing. Tell me what's wrong. You don't have to be embarrassed. I need to know what you're thinking so that we can talk through it, okay? I'd never judge you," he was sincere in his words, taking on a soft smile as he tried to welcome the idea of an open conversation about whatever was on your mind. It was now or never, you guessed.

You took a deep breath, avoiding eye contact at all costs, "I feel like ... I feel like you don't want me."

"Want you how, angel?"

"I've tried everything Minghao. I've pursued you, I've let you pursue me, I've been loud, I've been quiet. Fuck, I even threw myself at you with stupid lingerie that you didn't even care about, but it never works. You don't want me, and it's driving me insane. I'm sorry, I know it's so stupid. I don't want to- I don't want to force anything on you or make you feel uncomfortable, but I feel so, fuck, I feel so pathetic. Like you have sex with me just to humor me. Like you're giving me something and I have nothing to show in return. I'm so- I'm so sorry."

You weren't sure what you were apologizing for. It was either the embarrassment or the warm gaze that wouldn't leave your own as you rambled.

"My love ... You think- you think I don't want you?"

"You don't have to humor me, Minghao, I already know. I've made peace with it, it's just .. tonight was too much. I tried to keep my emotions out of it, but it only made me break faster."

"Oh, angel," he closed the gap, pulling you even closer to him as he put his palms on your cheeks, drawing you closer while looking into your eyes, thumbs caressing the skin there, "I think I owe you an apology."

"No!", you grabbed onto his wrists, interrupting him before he could continue and separating yourself in the same breath, knowing you could never speak your mind while he held you so lovingly, "You don't have to apologize for anything. I'm sorry. I should've never tried to pressure you, I did this to myself, I-"

"I need you to let me talk, angel, please. I need to explain myself."

"Oh. I- okay. Continue."

"I adore you, my love. You know this. To think that you could ever think I don't want you breaks my heart. It's all my fault, I should've never done this, I- I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like I don't ache for you the way you do me. I want you in ways I can't describe."

"But-"

"Let me finish," his hands were back on you, one caressing your cheek while the other ran up and down your arm in an almost sensual manner, "You think I don't think about you every passing moment? That you don't plague my thoughts every day? My beautiful girl ... You're the prettiest thing I've ever had. Holding you in my arms as you writhe under me is the biggest form of pleasure I've ever felt. You- you think-" he took a deep breath before continuing, "You think I don't think about you on my lonely nights away from your touch? That I don't touch myself thinking of you; your curves, your soft skin, the way you cry my name ..."

"H-hao ..." your breath was just as heavy as his by now, mouth dry as you heard him recite his one and every emotion towards you.

"You think you don't plague my mind at the most inopportune moments?", he continued despite your interruption, "I think of you every day. When I'm at practice, when I'm performing, fuck, I think of you when I'm having dinner with my parents. Your body invades my every thought. You beautiful, gorgeous thing. I ... I've had to hold back. Didn't want to scare you away with the impossible lust I feel for you. Every time you let me have you, I have to hold back. I can never fully have you. I don't know what it'd do to me. I've wanted you from the moment we met. I've wanted to explore every inch of your body and make you mine. But your pleasure is my main priority. Always. As long as you're satisfied, I could never ask for more. But to think you ever believed I didn't want ache for you every passing moment pains me. I ... I want to .. Can I show you? Will you let me show you how badly I need you?"

"Please .. Fuck, Hao, please, I-"

He moaned the moment he finally connected your lips, hands going crazy at the way he squeezed and caressed every inch he could reach. His moans against your lips did not halt as you whined desperately at his kiss, relishing in the speech he had just delivered to you. What you were feeling was beyond lust at this point. You felt something you had never before, having waited months for your boyfriend to finally want you the way you did him. You weren't sure if he was playing it up for you, but you didn't want it to stop regardless.

"My love," he finally disconnected your lips, "Going to give you everything. Everything I've been holding back, I- I don't even know where to start."

His eyes could not stay in one place, darting around every inch of your nude body. You had known Minghao to be attracted to you, it was something he expressed many times, but you had never seen the calm man so frantic before. His calm nature was completely gone.

"You can do anything you want, Hao. Just, please ..."

He shut you up with yet another kiss, laying you down on the bed in the process. He dragged his dick against your cunt, groaning at the feeling. You were still drenched from your ruined orgasm from earlier, and he was hard due to your prior interruption, so it wasn't difficult to get the two of you ready for each other.

"Wanna be in you so badly, but .. Fuck, you just feel so good like this angel," he was grabbing onto your thighs by now, lifting them up in order to angle himself just right to drag his cock right against your clit. His eyebrows were furrowed and his face flushed. He was a broken version of himself, with his only purpose in mind being to bring the two of you the most pleasure imaginable. You felt like an idiot for never expressing your concerns to your boyfriend, not imagining that it'd end up so favorably for you. The pleasure you felt at his lack of self-control as he played with you couldn't compare to any previous time in which you'd made love.

He separated himself from you before either of you could come, muttering something along the lines of 'Wanna savor you, my love.' He still seemed frantic, not fully sure where he wanted to touch first or what part of you to enjoy at that moment. He went from kissing your chest to rubbing your pussy with his long fingers. He put you in all positions he could think of to kiss up and down your body, waxing poetic at you repeatedly as he sighed against your skin. The occasional times in which his cock would accidentally grace against you had you burning, wanting him inside you more than anything. Now that you knew he wanted you just as bad as you did him; now that he was fully yours.

"My beautiful girl ... Love you so much. The pleasure you bring me .. You have no idea. How could I ever let you think I didn't carry a torch for you night after night. Is this okay? Is it okay to want someone this badly? To ache for you day and night, only thinking of your touch?," he was finally facing you again, close enough to invade all your senses.

"Gonna have you now, okay, angel? Gonna show you how strongly I feel about you. How you make me lose all my inhibitions."

He entered you with no further warning, letting out the groan he always did, but this time his mouth would not stop running, moaning and sighing your name against your ear, letting you know how your cunt around him made him lose his mind.

"My most beautiful, girl ... fuck. Gonna break you ... I've held back for too long ... Need you every day," the way he was fucking you was nothing short of animalistic, with both his words and the slapping of your skin filling up the silence of the room.

"God, that day you showed up with that pretty set for me? Do you have any idea how difficult it was to not pin you against the wall and rip it off of you? Make you cry as you took all of me until every single drop of my cum was leaking from your cunt? The image has not left my mind for a single moment, angel. Can't think, shit ... Can't breathe without thinking of you," despite his insane dancer stamina, his breathing was becoming disheveled as he continued to piston into you.

You had thought that Minghao had already given you all types of pleasure throughout your relationship, but now that he had finally snapped you had truly reached heaven. And it seemed like it was the case for him too. He was unable to stop himself from telling you his every thought, with his emotions getting the best of him as he fucked into you almost animalistically. His fingers were bruising your thighs as he held you with all bis might; something you thought your soft and sweet Minghao was incapable of doing.

"Hao ... I need .. I'm gonna cum, Hao, please!"

"Yeah? Gonna let me have it, angel? Love when you cum for me. So soft and pretty, all for me. Cum, my love. Cum and I'll give you all of me in return."

The thought of his cum filling you up made you lose control, cumming as your back arched almost completely off the bed. You felt like you'd ascended, being given the most intense orgasm of your life, followed by a warm feeling inside you; the feeling of Minghao's essence penetrating you.

He almost fell on top of you as he finished, breath hot and heavy against your skin.

"My love? Are you okay? Was that too much?," it only took a few moments of silence for him to speak up, showing immediate concern for your limp and breathless state.

You had been more than okay, having never felt more loved and wanted in your life. From his words to his actions, Minghao had managed to make you realize how wrong you'd been all along. It wasn't that he didn't want you, but that he wanted you too much to hold back if given the chance to fully give himself to you. But now it was all out in the open. Now you could finally enjoy each other to the fullest extent.

"I'm okay, Hao. Thank you," you felt shy in the aftermath of it, now fully processing all the words of lust your boyfriend had whispered against your skin as he fucked you into the mattress. You had seen a side of Minghao you hadn't known existed.

"Are you sure? I didn't scare you off, did I?"

"Are you kidding? I've wanted you to do that for ages. I was going insane throwing myself at you!"

He chuckled, booping at your nose lovingly, "You were making my resolve break, my love. Wasn't sure how much longer I could go without going past my limit."

"Could've talked me through it at least once, you know. I wouldn't've objected," you humphed.

"How about I make up for it now, hmm? Let me clean you up in the shower?"

"Yeah? Gonna tell me how much you want me again?", you grinned against him.

"Yes, my angel. Every single day."

a/n: not proofread and i also had no idea how to end it my bad </3

[purrology]

KYOJURO RELATIONSHIP HCS

a/n: a little long,, im very passionate abt him <3

fluffy fluffy fluff, a bit of angst in there

PASSIONATE. he’s loud and proud abt u

everyone he sees gets to hear abt u

YOU get to hear about u

u most likely fell first and he fell harder

can, will, and is actively giving u bear hugs from behind and pressing a hundred kisses to the back of ur neck and head the moment he sees u

aaaand then he picks u up and spins u around <3

a very affectionate lover, but he tones it down in public

believe it or not, he’s not all that into PDA!! too modest and respectful

most he’ll do is handholding and a kiss here or there or a hand on the knee if ur sat beside eachother

he will put his hand on ur lower back if he’s guiding u through a crowd, things along those lines

but he will not hug and pick u up and spin u around in public unless it’s been WEEKS and he missed u SO BAD

he misses u. so bad. it’s been an hour and hes missed u.

he’s clingy.

he follows u around wherever u go, holds all ur stuff, makes sure ur beside him

man cannot get enough of ur presence

he loves u so much he barely wants to be apart!! please write to him when he’s on missions :(

knew u were his soulmate immediately, no doubts

he thinks about his future with u everytime he holds ur hand, everytime he thinks of ur face in his thoughts

praise and compliment KING!!! he praises every accomplishment u complete and encourages u to strive for even more!!!

compliments every feature on u, every single feature- ur knuckles, ur legs, ur nose, ur forehead, ur wrists, he adores every part of u

don’t think he forgot about ur personality either! he compliments u on all ur actions- u talk a lot? he loves to listen and thinks ur voice is amazing!! u don’t talk much at all? that’s fine too- he loves to talk and will do all the talking for u!!

he’s everything u need him to be

service boyfriend

u ask, he gives, no hesitation

CONSTANTLY tries to impress u

many ppl say this abt him: he’s the type to be like one of those kids who go “hey watch this!!” and then they jump and do a spin

u better compliment him back

he’s very perceptive, he knows so much about u from little things you’ve mentioned like once

he noticed you were upset after a long day- first he tried enthusiasm and optimism and hugs- then he tried quiet cuddles and kisses on the head- if all else fails he’ll make u a 5 star meal (don’t let him, he’ll make the kitchen an actual mess he can’t control himself)

not everything he does is big, loud and eccentric

he can be quiet and listening and observative when u need it

he’ll be whatever u need and he swears by that til the day he dies

oh, speaking of death do u part- he’s marrying u fast as possible!!!

it’s canon he moves to decisions and conclusions very quick, he made the decision to marry u within the first year

he just loves u!! he can’t envision a future with anyone besides u and his family

he asked u to marry him when u we’re out on a picnic date- he asked it suddenly because he forgot his original plan (this was one of the few times he was nervous! he was confident you’d say yes but the little nagging part of his mind was scared you didn’t love him as much)

obviously,, u said yes (he’s jumping up and down and laughing and spinning u and kissing u he doesn’t care who sees)

one of his vows involves being at your service and will until the very end of your lives, and even after that he promises he’ll continue on being exactly what u need him to be, death won’t even do u part

he’s scared when u get sick,,,

u got sick one time, stuck in bed with a terrible cough and fever

it terrified the life out of him.

he tried to stay positive for you, he tried not to cry as he remembered his mother’s illness and her passing

he dotes on you hand and foot- hell, he took off some of his longer missions so he could stay

when he couldn’t, he had senjuro take care of u

he won’t admit the fear that breaks his poor heart when he sees u cough and groan with a rag over ur forehead, it terrifies him to his core

he can’t lose u too, especially not in the same way he lost his mother

strongly believes his mother would’ve loved you, no matter how u are

if he loves u, he’s confident his mother would too!!

he introduced u to his brother and father one time, took u over for dinner

(his father wasn’t pleased but he barely stayed at the table for 5 minutes sooo)

his brother senjuro adores u tho!! be his pen-pal do it

senjuro won’t admit he was a little intimidated by u at first, he told kyojuro- kyojuro laughed and hugged him and reassured him u were GREAT!!!

how do u comfort a man who puts everyone above himself in priority??

kyojuro may be a bit easier to get to talk about his issues and comfort than others

if u ask, he may push it aside once or twice- but he breaks by the third time u ask “are you sure ur okay, kyo?”

he rarely cries, not from physical pain, not from mental or emotional- but sometimes, we all need that tear flow to let out emotions out

hold him. hold him tight. let him hold u. it’s ur turn to be whatever HE needs in his time of need

tell him he’s okay, tell him ur proud of him, tell him he’s someone who deserves nothing but happiness

he clings onto every word u say, no matter what

it doesn’t take long before his smile returns, then he takes u out to eat as thanks- or he cuddles u the rest of the day, ur decision :)

overall, a passionate, loving, bold lover who will be everything u need him to be at all times

THANK YOU!!

[forestshadow-wolf]

Soap having trouble listening to authority especially if it unnecessarily put lives at risk

Except for ghost, who thinks soap is an excellent who never talks back and always follows orders. Ghost gets confused when another lieutenant says soap was hell to command bc he never listened. And then another time he sees soap back talking another captain, he's not sure what it's about but it's clear that soap is arguing.

Ghost is taken aback by this because never once has he seen soap be this rude and down right disrespectful. He supposes it's fair, soap's been in the military for over a decade and he's only known him for a fraction of that time. But still it's been years since he met soap, and he's never seen soap raise his voice against price, much less himself.

Soap himself does not have a problem with authority. He has a problem with poor authority that will cost people their lives. He's always had a strong sense of justice, even as a kid, and it only grew as he got older. He got in trouble with teachers and eventually cops a lot before he joined the military.

His first lieutenant when he just gout out of boot camp had no problems sending soldiers to dies, as long as the mission was completed. Soap was not a fan. And he didn't hide it. Infact he was very loud about it.

He got sent back to boot three (3) times before they just let him move up the ranks. They had no real grounds to discharge him, and he was a damned good soldier; always top of his class even in his first round of boot. He did eventually learn to pick some of his battles, like if it was a direct order from a general or higher, those couldn't be changed. But Sergents, lieutenants, and captains were fair game for him, even if it was a different squad.

On the topic of price and ghost, well he never had a problem with them, not really anyway. Price valued the life of his men over the success of the mission, and that earned more respect from him than a thousand success missions could have. And ghost, sure he's mission driven, but he doesn't devalue the life of his men.

And sure soap has given counter suggestions on mission planning, but it's always with the best interest in mind and never without backup to support. And sure there have been disagreements, but never out right arguing, or disrespect. Plus he figures price asked for him specifically, by name, even with his "anti-authority" reputation. So he figures if price wasn't open to listening to him he would have asked for him.

Gaz wasn't too surprised, if only because he'd met Soap in passing in the field once or twice. He'd heard how soap had gotten his callsign, being able to clear a room and take down multiple hostiles with quick efficiency. Be he does wonder if it was actually for trying to clean up a captain's act as a private, or maybe having to clean up his own act. All the times he'd met soap before the 141 he'd always known the man to be steamy and hot headed, often getting into fights with his SOs or hell even his fellow Sergents.

But it isn't soap's fault. Really! Trust! See, because every time his SOs or the other sergents made a bad call, and he had to follow orders. And he lost soldiers who didn't have to die? Then that was on him for not speaking up. Their blood was on his hands for not using his voice when he could. And trust him, he's got plenty of blood on his hands, some his fault, some his direct decisions, some because he wouldn't dump it on his privates like his superiors did to him.

Soap has had to lead too many bright eyed soldiers into danger, on a plan that was held together on hash threads and hope, and had to tell them that they'd all get their recognition knowing still that not all of them would make it. He used to go against direct orders, even as a private. It got so bad that he was threatened with dishonorable dischatge on account of going awol and a slew of other things. And had it not been for his family, he wouldn't have cared. Not that his honor didn't mean anything, just that it meant less than peoples' lives, but of course his family always came first before anything else, so he stopped.

Well stopped blatantly going against direct orders. Didn't stop the arguing, got smarter in how he disobeyed, left his position when he had even the barest hint of a valid excuse, started doing little things to make life just a little bit harder. Because he doesn't think that you should just be able to have an easy life of you can knowingly send people off to die without a second thought.

[harlowtales]

Reader finds out she is pregnant and doesn’t want to stay hidden in Jack’s life. She gives him an ultimatum.

18+ Drama and Adult Themes/Sweet🤱🏽🤰🏽👶🏼

The news that you were pregnant had Jack over the moon, but he could tell it wasn’t what you wanted at this time “Its not the greatest timing but we’ll make it work.” He said as you were having a tense conversation about keeping it or not. You were holding the test wondering what to do.

“Look I’m not ready” you said. “It’s still early in the game. Why don’t we just take care of this quietly, and we can move on” you were always better at being pragmatic than he was.

“What the fuck are you telling me? What does take care of it quietly mean?” He felt anger starting to bubble up and wanted to remember the state you were in. He couldn’t imagine his mother finding out she almost had a grandchild. Plus he loved you. “Early in the game? This is not a game” he said pulling you close and rubbing your belly. “This is my daughter” he said lovingly.

“Whoah. How do know that?” You said pulling away a bit. “I’m not sure this is what I want Jack.” You saw Jack’s face change. You knew he was so confused and you were concerned he would blame you for derailing his career. White Men Can’t Jump was such a big hit that now he was getting offers left and right. Plus you had your own business going. A child was not in your plans. But it was Jack’s baby making this extra hard because you loved him so much.

“You would be a great mom” he said trying to reason with you. “You’re smart, we make enough money…”

“We don’t even live together Jack. We tried that remember? You said bitterly

“That’s because it became a frat house and the guys don’t even spend much time there anymore. With a baby around they would respect that.” He said “If we do this you have to move back in.” He insisted “Look at me please?” He tilted your chin up with his hand and looked into your eyes. You started tearing up. “What is it?” He pleaded “What can I do to change your mind?”

“Stop flirting for starters and we go public” You said decisively. You looked at him bracing for his protest as it was a constant issue. The way Jack acted everyone on the internet thought he was single and he never talked about you to the press. He sat there for a bit. What you were proposing was a total commitment. You had to play hardball. Jack had a history of being evasive. You didn’t want to hold a gun to his head, but you weren’t going to stay hidden as the mother of his child.

“Hardball huh?.” He said. “ It’s fair, but that means you cut all ties with old boy. No running to him if we hit a rough patch.” Jack countered. You sat there contemplating what to say. Guys never get completely rid of their options. If Jack thought you were falling for that he had another thing coming.

“Ok, lose the problem 3’s numbers. Unfollow them. Even you know who.” You shot back. He knew who the problem 3 were. If you were left without a safety net, he had to do the same. You weren’t worried about randoms, but these 3 girls had staying power causing problems in the past. You and one of them had come to a brief understanding but the other two were huge bitches always trying shit.

“Ok. Deal.” He said much easier than you thought.

“Ok?” You said surprised. “That was too easy” you thought suspiciously.

“To have my family together? My own family? Fuck them.” He said decidedly “They’re nothing but a headache anyway.”

You had prepared for more of a fight and didn’t know what to say. Jack saw how thrown off you were. And smirked a little feeling a sense of victory. “So….” He said pulling you back and unfolding your arms. You melted as you always did when he said sorry or saw something your way. “Soooo?” He asked planting a kiss on you. “Are you making me a father or not?”

You hesitated to answer. Your concerns were real, but you could tell he really wanted this. Jack was a family man and a determined man. He he was close to his family. You weren’t with yours. His family became yours. They took you in and always made you feel welcome. Lately you had even had some heart to hearts with his mom. She said she knew how Jack could get and said she would talk to him and set him straight. It really helped and Jack had been making more of an effort ever since. “My mom told me to get my shit together.” He said “I get it now and I want to be there for you… and our daughter.” He promised.

This had you in full in tears. He held you close now until you stopped sobbing. “I know you’re scared. You didn’t have a family, but I am not going to abandon you or our child. My mom would kill me!” He joked trying to lighten the mood as he always did. Jack couldn’t stand tension. He wiped the tears streaming down your face. “Are you wearing the makeup from your brand baby?” He asked

Jack was random but this was really random. “Uummm yeah” you said through your sniffles “Why?”

“Because none of your mascara is running with you crying! I can endorse this product. Unfortunately I have put it to the test.” He said giggling.

His blue eyes twinkled and dimples flashed beneath his beard that was a perfect combination of being scruffy yet manicured. He had you in the palm of his hand and you hated it. It was then you knew that you wanted with all your soul to see his baby with those eyes and that dimple that you would share. This was a whole life with him. “Jack” you finally said having calmed down.

“Yes baby?” He said

“Ok.” You said

“Ok!?” He said excitedly

“Yeah.” You said “Ok, let’s do this!”

“Holy fuck! I’m a dad?” He said looking at you with all the hope he ever had

“Yes. You’re a dad.” You said smiling rubbing your tummy with the pregnancy test still in your hands.

“Fuck yeah!!!!” He exclaimed loudly flinging you around “Oh shit sorry baby.” He said carefully putting you down. “I’m calling my mom, and Urban, and Clay.”

🏷️ Tag List

@itsyagirljaz @jacks-daycare @killatravtramp @ride4harlow @jackmans-poison @heavyhitterheaux

[edenesth]

Undying Bonds (Part 4)

Pairing: Hongjoong x fem!reader, Seonghwa x fem!reader

AU: zombie apocalypse au

Word Count: 2.4k

Summary: What could be worse than being separated from the love of your life in a zombie apocalypse? Hongjoong was forced to leave you behind with his friend, Seonghwa, as he ventures out alone to search for the rest of his missing group members. Will Hongjoong be successful in his solo mission to find his members? Will he be able to return to you unscathed? And what happens when you're stuck with his caring best friend, who is hopelessly in love with you, for too long?

Part 3 | Masterlist | Part 5

The skies were exceptionally blue today, the weather was just lovely. You smiled to yourself, enjoying the fresh spring breeze blowing against your skin.

Everything was just perfect.

The beautiful atmosphere naturally puts you in a good mood. Sighing in content, you turned around from the view to leave the balcony and move to enter your home. Humming a happy tune to yourself, you skipped giddily into the kitchen where your boyfriend was busy preparing breakfast.

Yes, I know. Hongjoong and cooking literally spell disaster.

The man could set the kitchen on fire just by attempting to make some ramyeon noodles. You honestly think it's a talent but you at least trusted him enough to pour cereal and milk together for a quick meal before you spend the rest of the day together on a cute date in which the itinerary you've thoughtfully planned out in advance.

Hongjoong was always so busy with work so days like this were pretty rare.

If you had to name one thing you loved about your boyfriend, it would be his dedication to his job. Or to anything he loved, actually. Though he was constantly away for work, you have to admit he was just as dedicated to you. That much was apparent through his efforts of making sure he spends as much time with you as he could whenever he had any free time at all.

You know it wasn’t easy for him to have to juggle between work, family, friends and you but he does an excellent job. After all, you also had a life of your own so you’d never blame him for not spending every second of his life with you. The thing that kept the two of you together for so long was the solid trust, respect and understanding you had for each other.

Love was not something you’ve given much thought about before.

Especially after witnessing countless failed relationships and marriages of the people around you, it didn’t seem like something you felt you necessarily needed in your life. You’ve seen people completely lose themselves over another person and that scared you. Because of that, you’d once concluded that feelings do nothing but ruin lives and therefore, were not worth losing yourself over.

That all changed the day Kim Hongjoong walked into your life.

He was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever laid your eyes on. Don’t get me wrong though, you didn’t fall in love with him at first sight or anything cheesy like that.

There was a mutual attraction between you and after spending some time getting to know one another, Hongjoong didn't shy from making his intentions to pursue you clear as day. Though you were afraid to commit at first, he proved himself worthy of your love time and time again through his endless heart-touching actions to win you over.

It took him several months to fully gain your trust before you eventually gave in and said yes to being his. You were so glad you took that leap of faith; it was the best decision you’ve ever made in your life as you know now that this person was your soulmate.

Time flies and the day you got together was now but a beautiful memory that has taken place years ago.

Grinning once the sight of your boyfriend’s familiar back in the kitchen came into view, you crept up behind him mischievously. Settling behind him, you simultaneously shouted ‘boo!’ in his ear and playfully slapped your palms on his shoulders in an attempt to scare him.

Perhaps you were a little too excited, you didn’t realise how stiff his posture was the entire time. You blinked rapidly in bewilderment at how he uncharacteristically remained unmoving, he was one of the biggest scaredy cats you know and would usually react dramatically by flinching and screaming loudly at your silly pranks.

With your hands still on his shoulders, you gasped when you noticed just how cold he felt to touch. You took a step back from him in horror, dread filling your being when he lets out a grunt that didn’t really sound like him at all.

Looking closely at him now, your eyes rounded when you finally see the pale and ashen skin that was exposed. He began turning around slowly, your heart sinking at the sight of his lifeless and vacant eyes staring blankly back at you.

No, it can’t be.

A strangled cry escaped your throat when he began stumbling and dragging his limbs towards you with a decaying arm lifted in your direction, reaching out to you, “Please, Hongjoong! It's me!” You begged, shaking your head in despair as you scrambled further away from what used to be your lover, “No, please… No!”

“N-no!”

The broken cry sounded across the convenience store, immediately catching Seonghwa and Mingi’s attention, “Shit, she’s having another nightmare,” The older of the two says before he rushes over to where you were still sleeping at the back of the store.

Mingi sighed knowingly before going back to finishing up his kimbap while he kept watch by the entrance. He wished there was something he could do for you but he knew better than anyone that only Hongjoong's presence could truly ease you of your anxieties. For now, he and Seonghwa would just have to do their best in filling up that empty spot.

Lucky for Mingi, he slept through the night just fine but Seonghwa filled him in earlier just how many times you’d woken up in the middle of the night from nightmares. He felt sorry for you, he knew how hard it must be for you to be away from Hongjoong with absolutely no way of contacting him.

Sure, Mingi worries just as much for his hyung and all of his friends too but he figured it must be entirely different for you and the leader. All he knew was that it pained him to see you suffer this badly. Even though you and Hongjoong have yet to tie the knot, the members have already treated you like a sister of their own right from the very beginning of your relationship.

Except for a certain someone, of course, but no one has to know that.

Gently rubbing his hands up and down your arms, Seonghwa called out your name softly and tried to wake you without scaring you too much.

Your eyes flew open and you sobbed in relief at the sight of your friend, immediately throwing your arms around his neck to weep into his shoulder, “Hey, it’s alright. It’s just a dream, I’m here,” He assured you, holding you close to him to remind you that you were safe.

“Hwa… d-do you think he’s okay?” You whispered against his shirt, the intimacy doing things to Seonghwa's poor heart but he managed to pull himself together by reminding himself that you already belonged to someone else.

“He must be, you know how strong he is. He is our captain for a reason, right? Have a little faith in him.” You nodded, squeezing your eyes shut tight in an attempt to erase the grotesque image of your boyfriend from the nightmare. To distract yourself from those thoughts, you focused on the feeling of your friend running his hand soothingly through your hair instead.

The warmth of Seonghwa’s embrace comforted you without fail like usual and you once again apologised profusely after calming down for troubling him so many times throughout the night. You really did feel horrible about it, you were the reason his sleep was disrupted again and again but he also promised you he would get mad at you if you tried to apologise for that one more time.

“Thank you, Seonghwa, really. What would I do without you?”

He smiled a little, pinching your cheeks lightly to divert your attention before you could notice the blush on his cheeks, “You’re welcome, you can thank me by having your breakfast now. Go before Mingi finishes all of the kimbap,” You snickered at that and saluted playfully, “Yes, sir!”

Mingi grinned at the sight of you eyeing him accusingly, "Hand over the kimbap, Mr Song," He burst out laughing, pushing the remaining food that Seonghwa specifically saved up to you before raising his hands to surrender, playing along, "Sheesh, it's all yours, woman."

The pair of you joked around while you nibbled on your kimbap, Seonghwa struggling to take his eyes off you and keep his feelings in check whenever you smiled that beautiful smile of yours that he adored so much.

That's right, just keep smiling like that.

The rest of the day went by rather uneventfully, with you three taking turns keeping watch by the entrance in hopes of spotting another familiar face.

When it was your turn, you lost track of how long your eyes remained trained on that one specific direction where you last saw your boyfriend go. You'd do anything just to see him appear in front of you at this moment.

The peace and quiet only lasted so long before you snapped out of your trance when you caught onto what sounded like a person screaming 'help' countless times from a distance.

You stood up from your seat slowly in alarm when the sound seemed to be gradually getting closer, your heart picking up its pace in panic. Just as you turned to call for your friends, you found them already scurrying towards you to have a look as well.

Seonghwa not hesitating one bit to place himself in front of you and Mingi protectively as he furrowed his brows in focus, trying to get a better look at the commotion outside. You peeked from the back of Seonghwa's shoulder, hands automatically clutching tightly onto his shirt to seek comfort.

He threw a quick glance and assuring smile your way, giving your hand a soft squeeze before he moved to equip himself and Mingi with weapons just to be ready for whatever happens. He didn't forget to hand you a pocket knife and metal pipe as well, though he prays you'll never have to use them at all. Not with him around anyway.

Mingi lets out a gasp when he finally catches sight of two unfamiliar male figures approaching breathlessly, about less than a dozen zombies trailing behind them while they continued screaming for help, "Hyung, we should help them!"

You nodded along quickly without much thought but Seonghwa visibly contemplated, biting his lip deep in thought, "But Mingi, we don't know who they are. They could be dangerous for all we know," The younger male groaned in frustration, "Do they honestly look dangerous to you right now? Imagine if Sannie needed help from strangers and those people had the same thoughts as you!"

It was a difficult decision to make for sure, you realised that now.

You felt just as torn as Seonghwa if you were to be honest. He wasn't wrong when he said they could be dangerous. Trust has become such a sacred thing now, especially with the world in this state. People found it easier to betray others for selfish reasons and you agreed that sometimes doing nothing may just be the better option.

But Mingi was also right, you didn't want to even imagine poor San being in this situation. The thought alone makes you sick to your stomach. What if these poor souls were genuinely in need of help? Could you really just stand by and watch while they get attacked knowing you could save them?

No, you can't.

You could see the internal conflict Seonghwa had with himself at Mingi's reasoning, "Hwa, I know what you're worried about. Trust me, I really do. But if not for them, do it for us at least. All their shrieking is only going to attract more zombies and we really can't afford to abandon this place." You pleaded, gripping his arm to make him look at you.

"Seonghwa, please…"

There wasn't much time left, those guys were only getting closer and you truly feared that the noises they were making would only continue to draw out more of the undead around the area.

The elder male eventually sighed in defeat, "Fine, I suppose it shouldn't be too difficult with only that few zombies after them. We've got to do this fast, the last thing we need is for this place to be swarmed."

The plan was simple, he would handle the zombies while Mingi brings the two to safety, your job was to be on standby as well as guarding the entrance, "Be careful, guys," Your friends nodded back, securing the self-made armour on their bodies, "Don't worry, everything's going to be alright." Seonghwa reassures you before the pair darted out towards the fools wailing at the top of their lungs.

You held your breath as you watched Seonghwa getting into action in an instant, expertly swinging his metal bat at the zombies and swiftly taking them out one by one. Mingi could be seen shutting the strangers up by putting his pointer finger against his lips, waving his axe mercilessly at any zombies that got a little too close for comfort before leading the two boys your way.

Once you were sure the entrance was clear, you swung the door open for them to enter.

The two boys tearfully thanked you for saving them, bowing multiple times before you hurriedly sat them down to check for any bites or injuries the same way you did for Mingi just the previous day. You were relieved to find that they were free of any zombie bites and patted them on their heads, noting that they both looked younger than most of your friends.

Poor kids must have been scared out of their minds.

"It's okay, you're safe with us now." You smiled at the boys, moving to gently wipe their tears away before introducing yourself.

The older of the two cleared his throat before speaking, "I'm Felix and this is Jeongin." You cooed at how adorably shy Jeongin was when he blinked nervously and looked away whenever you tried to make eye contact.

Mingi, however, didn't share your sentiment because he somehow couldn't shake off the uneasy feeling bubbling inside him when he thought he caught what seemed like a sly glint in Felix's eyes as he watched you fuss over his younger friend.

Shit, what if Seonghwa hyung was right?

He put those thoughts aside when he heard Seonghwa calling his name from outside, eyes widening when he realised his friend was on the ground fighting off a particularly persistent zombie.

You shot up from your seat in worry when Mingi dashed out to go to his hyung's aid, your heart lurched in your chest once you got a clearer look at Seonghwa struggling tiredly under a zombie.

"No, Seonghwa!"

If you weren't so distracted by what was happening, you would have noticed one of the boys behind you grinning deviously in victory.

As always, thanks for reading! Do let me know if you'd like to be added to the tag list.

Tag list: @aurasblue @tmtxtf

All Rights Reserved © edenesth // DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE OR REPURPOSE.

[anatheyma]

btd/tpof characters don't seem to have official birthdays so i wanna share my zodiac sign hcs

(i'm not an expert in astrology this is just for fun)

strade: sagittarius

this is a bit awkward to explain since i'm a sagittarius myself. i don't relate to him, but he definitely has to be a fire sign and this one seemed the most fitting out of the three. first of all sagittarians are considered lively, passionate, outgoing and charming - traits that i think fit strade's description. he's carefree and fun-loving i guess you could say, but also intelligent in a way, or at least has a good technical information. gato has mentioned that strade has a fear of being limited or locked up which goes well with the thing sagittarians have with their freedom.

lawrence: capricorn

now that is a capricorn man if i've ever seen one. they're described as critical, sensitive and cautious, struggling with letting people in. capricorns are happy being on their own and fall in love slowly, they have to take time to understand you at first. it's clear that lawrence doesn't trust people easily. to me it seems like he wants to be in control of things, too. on surface level, those antlers remind me of the symbolized mythological creature of capricornus and regardless of his love for plants, i associate lawrence with snowy forests instead of green. (capricorns are born december 22 - january 19)

ren: libra

i'm not only saying this because i tend to be head over heels for libras okay let me tell you something; libras are often extroverted and sweet. they avoid conflict which is why they tend to be people-pleasers and we know ren is one. even when he's older in tpof, you can kind of call him out for not making his own decisions, but instead relying on the chat's suggestions and opinions. maybe he struggles with making them himself... and what's the biggest libra stereotype again? yeah, exactly that. librans are ruled by venus, the goddess of love, so they adore beautiful things. of course he'd want to dress you up all pretty for the live streams <3

mason: taurus

i admit i haven't actually diven that deep into this character yet, but right off the bat he strikes me as an earth sign. taureans love to relax in serene, bucolic environments, which i guess you could call his cabin in the woods. they're also built for endurance and tasks requiring concentration and determination, traits that i assume must be helpful when hunting. mason comes off as resourceful and tough, just like taureans.

celia: virgo

my beloved celia... like virgos, she's hardworking and intelligent, but also uptight and easily frustrated. understandably so, imagine being married to a man when you could run away with me 🙄 anyway, they're also perfectionists at heart and she'd probably enjoy training you with diligent and consistent practice, you're her little mouse after all. oh, and virgo rules the digestive system. hand over those donuts, ma'am!

derek: leo

bet you thought i'd say scorpio because of his tattoo? nah, he has leo energy. he's confident - even arrogant - and fits the leo description of both luxury-loving and drama-loving. leos love to lead, be admired and receive praise and respect of others. i imagine derek's like that due to possible daddy issues. sorry to come for him like that. my opinion might be completely based due to growing up with a couple of brats from upper middle class families who happened to be leos.

[watercolor-envy]

Today I ate.

I ate breakfast which was still very restricted

I ate dinner and added two teaspoons of mayo in it!!!

I ate 3 rice cakes with toppings

And on top of it I ate 3/4 of fruit salad

If I'm being honest, I am happy with it. I'm rewarding my body with very healthy stuff and oils which are necessary to have period. Ofc I didn't fall into my nutritional needs but I still did good. I'm trying myself here. I'm testing how bad I've gotten.

Ofc if I were to eat in front of people (god forbid my family) I wouldn't eat that much. It's crazy to me that if I'm being watched while eating I can't do it. I wish I could, eating together is a very bonding experience for humans but yet, at age 21 I can't do it.

I can eat with my cat, that I love, especially when I eat tuna (I haven't eaten tuna out of a can since 2017 lol). When my boyfriend comes (we live together but he's a sailor) I get panic attacks over food. I get stressed out to the point of exhaustion. I can't function because I can't control shit. I hate my body, don't be fooled. I see how much my body has changed, I've lost over 12kg since December and through whole February I didn't restrict. I maintained somehow. But I hate my mind, I don't like this life and I know that I hate it just because I can't enjoy anything due to Ed. And I've been struggling with it through my teenage years till now. And I'm not a teen, I want to be a woman, a normal woman that can deal with everything. I want to be strong, to be happy with all the decisions I've made.

But I won't. I am lost and I don't know how to help myself. I want to tell my boyfriend, look, I ate today! And I wanted to eat so I did! But he would get sad that my Ed is back. That the moment he leaves for work is the moment I fall back into this disorder. He would be sad, mad at himself. But it's just easier for me to numb the pain, stress and sadness. I just wish to be happy but even restriction does nothing for me.

Felling full makes me anxious and uncomfortable, hunger makes me unfocused and unable to concentrate. I just live to eat that one meal, and that one meal doesn't give me any satisfaction. It's March now. Somehow. Idk how. And I just live to sleep. I just don't want to go through with another day.

I'm exhausted, my suicidal thoughts are back. I want to do something to myself, but I probably won't. But I think about k1lling myself daily. Just to be done with this life.

I hate waking up, but falling asleep isn't easy either. I hate to do stuff I know I should because I know I'll fail. I've never been a good student, I've never been talented or smart or anything of that stuff. I'm just educated and lucky I guess. But where will it all lead me? I'll just d1e one day, probably because my heart will give out, due to this disorder. It weakness your heart, your brain is damaged due to starvat1on.

But hey, I ate something today and that makes me happy for myself. I know that I cook well balanced meals and I know minerals and vitamins in my foods, so yay.

But I don't know any other life. Ana is all I know. Ana is my coping mechanism in this fucked up world. Someone would say "get your shit together and man up!". They're probably right. But I feel constantly unloved, and the problem is that I don't love myself. I value myself, but I don't know how to love myself and if that's even possible. I just know how to destroy myself to fit into a smaller size.

That's something that my ex made me do over and over again. He wasn't happy with my bigger body, he wanted to have a trophy girl. Someone that was better than everyone. I was that, he made me believe that I was that. That me being his girlfriend is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It wasn't. I've spiraled after breaking up with him so badly. I did some terrible stuff, I didn't know how to respect men, and I feel awful for that. I wanted to give love, but for 3 years I've been told that by giving my body I'm giving love. By being completely dominated by someone else. In life and in bed.

He made me believe that I liked to do very BDSM stuff. I took the punishment in bed as something I had to take in order be loved. I agreed to everything he did to me because he manipulated me into thinking that I must always agree to him. That he's older (I was 16 he was 24/25), he's wealthy, he's smart, the best in class at university. I actually thought that I will never meet someone as great as he was so I must do everything I can to never lose him.

That was a lie, I've lived with him and I lived with no understanding that he was using me all the time. He never knew me. He never thought of me as of true human being. I was meant to meet his standard, and if not- I could always go back to my parents, he said.

After 3 years of this torture I broke up with him, but at that time I didn't know why I was ending that relationship. I knew I wanted attention, love, appreciation, sings of kind gestures. I wanted to be listened to and treated well. I didn't want empty money and him talking greatly of himself all day.

I wanted all those things so badly, but yet I didn't know where to find them. I've met so many people, and sadly I behaved wrongly. I am so sorry to them. I know that I didn't harm them, but some of them came with good intentions and got surprised by my behavior. How rapid, chaotic and empty I was.

I was 19. I couldn't know any better. But now I'm 21 and I'm so devastated over the fact that that was my life. That I behaved that way, and worse, that I've gone through so many terrible things but yet no one was there to help me.

And now I'm realizing how fucked up my life has been. How madly wrong some of my actions were but more so, were the actions of those whom I've trusted the most. How many people have used me just for their satisfaction.

I hate them all. With my heart. Now I can't process anything that's going on in my life. I can't eat like a normal person does and I can't go out of bad. I just want to sleep but even that doesn't give me happiness nor energy.

I'm sorry for this long post, if you've read it, I'm thankful.

I'm sorry for the negativity. I'm very lost, sad, exhausted. I don't want to carry on living, I want to escape everything so badly. I just want to know how to survive at this point.

[lindyloosims]

So I was inspired by the Sugar Valentine and Chasing ghosts posts by @stargazer-sims to revisit my own Sims bands because I miss them, so here is the first. Sweet Cacophony, the literal first band I created with The Sims! Their 3 and 4 versions are pictured above! They are from my story Love Drunk which I wrote back in 2013 on Blogger and illustrated with The Sims 3, I did a sequel too called Love Drunk 2.0 which followed the lives of the band and their partners two decades later, along with their children who were all mostly grown up and making questionable life decisions of their own. I eventually rebooted it with The Sims 4 but it was getting pretty dark so I kinda shelved it for a while. I might go back to it but we’ll see, I might even start fresh and try to be more cheery and upbeat lol. Anyway, a bit about the band!

So the rock band Sweet Cacophony was originally called Deadly Nightshade. It comprised of four young men who had been friends since high school; Dexter Maloney (lead vocals/guitar), Ashton Maloney (drums), Andrew Mitchell (backing vocals/guitar/bass) and Jeremy Price (piano/keyboard). Jeremy shockingly quit one day and left them without a keyboard player, Dexter could play so he took it on as well as being the lead singer and guitarist but it was a strain for him as he also wrote their songs. Also it has to be noted that the boys at this point still had day jobs; Ash was a firefighter, Dexy was an artist and Drew was basically a mad scientist who invented things for clients and sold them for a fortune. When Jeremy left, he took their name with him, Dexter was furious as they had gigs booked all over as Deadly Nightshade which Jeremy also stole leaving them in a crappy situation where they would turn up for a gig and were turned away because the “real band” with Jeremy as the front man had already arrived. It was the girl Dexy was madly in love with, Evelyn “Lainie” Robertson, who coined the phrase “sweet cacophony” when describing their practice sessions in their tiny flat and Dexy loved it so much that he made it their new name. Eventually, and by complete accident, the band took on Lainie’s best friend Roxanne Harmon as their new keyboard player and their rise to fame was almost instantaneous! Within months they were a global sensation and toured the world, had number one albums every time they were released and had their name in lights all over.

Music runs in the family as Dexter and Lainie’s youngest son Damon formed a band of his own called Fallen Angels with his cousin (Ashton’s son) James and Roxanne’s son Rory Hayes. Dexter and Lainie’s granddaughter Jazmine, affectionately known by her grandpa Dexy as Jazzy, becomes a solo artist to rival Taylor Swift using the stage name Jazzy in honour of her favourite grandfather, but that’s just a story in my head as I never got there in the real story. Jazzy is the daughter of Keira Maloney (Dexter & Lainie’s eldest child) and Joshua Hayes (Roxanne & Matthew Hayes’ eldest child) who only fell in love when they were twenty and eighteen respectively. Josh had loved Keira all of his life but she teased him for being a little bit overweight as a child, calling him “chubby chops” which upset him. Keira meant it affectionately and never realised until they got together just how much it had hurt Josh, she never called him that again.

So that’s just a little bit about the band, they are very dear to me and I have carried them for ten years, Dexter is probably my favourite OC ever!

[hazelnut-u-out]

I WATCHED IT GIVE ME ALL YOUR THOUGHTS

i assume you mean "rick: a mort well lived"?

so... basically...

i think that the episode was really important, and it was refreshing to see these specific characters in a super sappy, cheesy plot without it being a joke. i liked that it was corny?

i think that it was super cute that rick really admired and respected marta- that one little part of morty that knew his worth, but still loved his grandpa. that conversation with the president part of morty had me tearing up. a small part of morty believes that hes a good kid that's deserving of love, and he just wants to hear his grandpa say that.

the implications of rick risking his life the entire episode to save morty from that game were... so sweet? overall, i ate that shit up.

i have a HUGE problem with the ending, though? like... the more i think about it, the angrier i get. it seems like a fakeout to me, because... yeah. rick DID technically tell morty that he loves him and he's proud of him, but... this weird version of morty we're left with after the game didn't get to hear that??

i think that it was interesting that he chose to respect marta's request to not rejoin morty just yet- but i also think that it was interesting that he stored her away. i really hope that they come back to that and rejoin her with morty because... what the shit?? my little man is all messed up???

i'm pretty sure they were trying to find a way to rehash that same dynamic from the earlier seasons by getting rid of marta, because she was the part of morty that saw rick and morty as equals. i really hope that she doesn't stay her own character with her own sense of agency, though, because she is PART of morty. it's not the same as there being two of beth- because each of those beths have every part of beth's personality. they're just choosing to carry out different desires she's always had. they are both equally beth???

with morty and marta it feels... unfair to morty and the work he's put into growing as a character. he's always getting the short end of the stick anyway, and idk how rick is going to handle this moving forward. rick is inarguably a completely different person than he was in the early series. he's softened up and started to make decisions that revolve around how much he loves his family. will rick deal with this by compensating for that lost progression on morty's part? will he respect morty more since the part of morty that had any agency is gone? will he be more careful to not take advantage of morty now? because if he doesn't deal with this in a veryyyy specific way after the events of s5 and the s6 pilot, then it's going to feel forced.

i don't think rick is in the position as a character to regress back to that s1-3 nihilistic monster and have it feel natural for the audience.

the summer plot was so funny, though. it's good to see her get her own story, even if it was a little difficult to follow, haha. i kept laughing at the sheer quantity of the phrase "die hard." she's so funny and badass. i love her.

[tetrisfinished]

pity party: attending - 1

declined - none

this can't be right. right? how come i'm always caught in my own pity parties. how come so many men are exactly the same trash replicated over and over again.

sometimes i GENUINELY wonder if the traditional men and women roles are the right way to go. maybe if i wasn't working - i wouldn't be as pissed off about all the shit i do at home.

queue: the waterworks (which, by the way i've been semi successful at holding back all day today, so just fuck off and let me have it, okay? okay).

at this point, i'm in my 8th year of marriage to this man. we've experienced long distance relationship, honeymoon stage, living together, owning together, vacation-ing together, and now parenting together. and i guess even a sort of separation together [read: he left for 2 months to go to pakistan sans wife and 3 yr old kid].

all of these "togethers" could have been rich life experiences. they could have been meaningful and loving and respectful.

but they weren't. i think the thing they were LEAST of all might actually have been together. how can that be? how do i turn my clock back to 0 hour at the time i started this marriage and start over.

or better yet, end it right away.

i don't know what mistake i'm continuing to pay for. but i guess that's not true. it's just a new mistake every single day when i engage him in conversation or when i task him with a chore or when i expect him to show up as a parent. if your partner is meant to "complete" you - then i feel that i am in a marriage where my partner actually manages to take away from me.

our household is toxic. our relationship is toxic. and the person who suffers the absolute fucking most is my kid.

my poor, little, innocent child who is 4 years old - he is so kind and fuck he's PATIENT. i'm 33 still trying to master this but my 4 year old kid has me beat. and maybe because of my own asshole behaviour he's had to become patient this early on in his young life.

i think back so much about all the times when i was asked "hey how could a western minded youth and an eastern minded youth get along and marry each other?" and i thought i had the best answer of all - he's not actually all that "conservative". but now i'm realizing that maybe while not conservative in the traditional and restrictive way - he actually is quite traditional. but also a smidge of modern.

he wants a working wife. but he also wants to not give up any of his own life to raise a fucking family.

and here i'm expected to make decision after decision. sacrifice after sacrifice, even consider the thought of expanding my family (khair ultimately that's in Allah swt's hands of course) all with the thought of how comletely unsupported i'll feel.

more and more i look around and people find themselves not having a lot of friends at my age. don't get me wrong. everyone has friends - but it's a tight group of maybe 2-4 CORE people. and no more. everyone else sort of filters out in the "acquaintance" column. so when i look at my significantly larger group of actual TIGHT friends - multiple groups including my actual family (mama/javaria) - i am so incredibly grateful. but maybe it was because Allah swt was preparing me for an actual life without a present partner. without a partner willing to show interest in our lives. in our families. in our home. in our child.

and again - don't get me wrong. i'm sure he loves us - or at least esa.

but feeling that love and then not showing up in any way with care or consideration or responsibility is so.....so cheap. you know?

and fuck me, i'm still trying to explain this to him. why? i don't know honestly.

in the middle it got better. but of course things have slowly regressed right back to the norm and here i am again. bitching and moaning and fucking frankly irritated that i can't just TAKE THE STEP to leave.

so. that's that.

that's the end of this rant.

the one thing i'll say that's a positive of it all is - every time i'm so triggered and emotional and upset about this stuff - i write. i guess when i'm happy i'm not as.....inspired? morbid, amiriteeee?

so someday, when i discover the audience that absolutely adores the anti self-help read - the bitching and moaning and complaining reads. that day i can compile all my blog posts and become famous.

but until then, here i am. another night of another day of another week of another month of another year - all different then before, but all alarmingly the same.

-k

[thesheel]

The nomination of Kamala Harris for the election as vice president of the United States emerged as a historic decision of the Democrats, as she will be the first of her type to contest for this seat. With such a diverse ethnic background, she is ready to bring all of her experience to the office to make America more inclusive, with no racial disparities. There were many possible choices for the seat of the VP for the Democrats, and it became a hot topic of debate about who should be the running mate of Joe Biden. Despite several verbal attacks on her personality, she always stood for the right cause, and this is why Biden chose her, as she can give a tough time to Trump and Pence in the November elections. For instance, Donald Trump labeled her as incompetent for the office of the vice president and said that Ivanka Trump is better than her as a VP. Not only this, but Trump also called Harris "nasty." Below are the links to tell you about everything you need to know about Kamala Harris. During her recent VP debate with the incumbent VP, Mike Pence, she excellently expressed her narrative on a range of topics including healthcare, coronavirus, economy, foreign policy, and racial issues. You can explore Kamala Harris's ethnic background, family, education and achievements, the journey to the nomination as the VP, details about her recent debate with Mike Pence, and tenure as Attorney General and senator by clicking on the respective links below. Everything you need to know about Kamala Harris 1: Complete Information about Kamala Harris Ethnic background 2: Everything you need to know about Kamala Harris Husband and Children. 3: Complete Information About Kamala Harris Education and Achievements 4:  Journey of the senator as Attorney General Kamala Harris 5: Senator Kamala Harris as a member of the US Congress 6: Kamala Harris policies for Growth and Prosperity of America 7: Who Will Joe Biden Pick as His VP? 8:  What Everyone Must Know About Why Joe Biden Picked Kamala Harris as His VP 9: Why Kamala Harris will be a better VP than Ivanka despite Trump's claims about Ivanka? 10: VP debate 2020: How VP nominees blamed each other for failures of the country Kamala Harris: In a nutshell Now as Joe Biden has won the 2020 presidential elections, this Asian-American woman of color is all set to become the vice president of the United States. Racism is one of the most severe issues faced by America these days. Harris is the daughter of a Jamaican man and an Indian woman. With this much ethnic diversity, she knows the difficulties associated with making adjustments in any place when you belong to other cultures. In recent times, the propagation of white supremacy has touched new heights under the Trump administration, where the president has been seen many times appreciating violent groups committing racial injustices. Only a leader like Kamala Harris can resolve the issues of minorities as she is one of them. Her husband and children played a crucial role in crafting the personality of the senator. Due to their unparalleled support, she won the second-highest office in the country with the hope to change the lives of the masses. Although she has two step-children, they never assumed that they are her step-children; a classic example is that they call her Momala. Her success did not come overnight, as she worked hard to reach the position where she is today. Starting her academic career from Thousand Oaks Elementary School to graduating from Howard University in politics and economics, she studied in various primarily Black as well as mixed schools. Not only this, but she also studied at the University of California. Even during her studies, she stood up for the right cause, including civil rights movements that brought her to the spotlight. It was not an easy decision for the Democrats to nominate Harris as the VP, as she had a lot of opposition from the conservative circles.

Yet her nomination to run for this seat came as a historic decision, owing to her diverse background. It does not matter if Trump believes that Ivanka is a better person to be a VP. It is a fact that Harris has a more charismatic personality as compared to Ivanka, who has no political exposure except under her father's administration. Harris also worked in many Senate committees that helped her play her part in the United States' progress. Not only this, but she also introduced numerous bills to make America progressive. Her policies depict a clear picture of what she can do as a vice president of the United States. She has a working economic strategy to create more jobs for Americans. From foreign policy to climate policy, from immigration laws to police reforms, she has a remarkable opinion in every domain that will help her translate her ideas into actions for the growth and prosperity of the United States. It's about time, and, in the future, she can also become the first woman president of the United States that will give her absolute powers to transform America in a new way.

[princeofgod-2021]

LIGHT OF LIFE 217

John 1:4

SATAN’S STRUCTURE 24: FASHION 6

1Pe 3:3-4 LET YOUR TRUE BEAUTY COME FROM YOUR INNER PERSONALITY, not a focus on the external. For LASTING BEAUTY COMES FROM A GENTLE AND PEACEFUL SPIRIT, WHICH IS PRECIOUS IN GOD’S SIGHT and is much more important than the outward adornment of elaborate hair, jewelry, and fine clothes. TPT

You know we’ve not started speaking about women and clothe fashion yet?

Well, we will get there indeed; we can’t completely deal with the Topic of Fashion without mentioning Dressing, can we?

But I had promised to touch on the story of Haman and Mordecai more closely because of a crucial point to peruse: Christians’ Proper response to worldly [behavioral] Fashion and Characters.

Est 3:2 The king ordered all the officials in his service to show their respect for Haman by KNEELING and BOWING to him. THEY ALL DID SO, EXCEPT FOR MORDECAI, WHO REFUSED TO DO IT. GNB

Mordecai did not refuse to obey the King because he was proud. He refused mainly because the King of Kings had commanded that worshipping anything apart from God Himself was Abomination.

Exo 20:4-5 DO NOT MAKE IDOLS THAT LOOK LIKE ANYTHING IN THE SKY OR ON EARTH or in the ocean under the earth. DON'T BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP IDOLS. I am the LORD your God, and I demand all your love. If you reject me, I will punish your families for three or four generations. CEV

While Mordecai was commanded to worship man, Jesus was tempted by Satan to worship him and get the power, position and wealth of the world.

The response remains the same, as we all know.

Mat 4:9-10 “All of these kingdoms I will give to you,” the accuser said, “if only you will kneel down before me and worship me.” But Jesus said, “Go away, enemy! For the Scriptures say: KNEEL BEFORE THE LORD YOUR GOD AND WORSHIP ONLY HIM.” TPT

The trick object here is that the commandment didn’t really state MEN as one of such idols, so, even Christians, inadvertently start worshipping their leaders as idols, while assuming it is mere respect.

Mordecai didn’t need the Law spelt out to him; he knew that worship of man is a taboo.

Christians of nowadays will mostly bow down to Haman and insist that they are yet obeying scriptures like…

Rom 13:7 GIVE TO ALL WHAT IS THEIR RIGHT: taxes to him whose they are, payment to him whose right it is, FEAR TO WHOM FEAR, HONOUR TO WHOM HONOUR IS TO BE GIVEN. BBE

Firstly, we are to Fear God only, not men. Fear goes only to the one who has supreme authority over a life and can give or take that life.

No man can do that to you beloved. Hear our Jesus…

Luk 12:4-5 “I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more they can do. BUT I WILL WARN YOU WHOM YOU SHOULD FEAR: FEAR THE ONE WHO, AFTER THE KILLING, HAS AUTHORITY TO THROW YOU INTO HELL. YES, I TELL YOU, FEAR HIM! NET

Secondly, where the word of the King undermines or attempts to superimpose on God’s divine Laws, then you automatically discard the king’s order fearlessly and you confidently honour God.

Exo 1:16-17 "When you help the Hebrew women in childbirth, look at the child when you deliver it. If it's a boy, kill it, but if it's a girl, let it live." HOWEVER, THE MIDWIVES FEARED GOD AND DIDN'T OBEY THE KING OF EGYPT'S ORDERS. THEY LET THE BOYS LIVE. ERV

Respect and honour can [also] go for men in appropriation and stated proportions, but honour must never become worship; there is a clear difference, beloved.

But shouldn’t we fear Kings?

1Ki 3:28 And news of this decision which the king had made went through all Israel; AND THEY HAD FEAR OF THE KING, FOR THEY SAW THAT THE WISDOM OF GOD WAS IN HIM TO GIVE DECISIONS. BBE

FEAR, in this context, implies deep respect for the King, but even so, you notice that it was stated that they saw God’s wisdom in him. We must fear the King’s word as long as it honours God.

Got it?

Ecc 8:2,4 Obey the king’s command, because you took an oath before God to be loyal to him…SURELY THE KING’S AUTHORITY IS ABSOLUTE; NO ONE CAN SAY TO HIM, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” NET

Meanwhile, our regard of the king himself is consequent upon his own subjection and absolute obedience to God’s Laws. We can fear him as God’s voice if he is filled with God’s Words.

Deu 17:18-20 When he becomes king, he should have the Levitical priests make him a copy of these teachings on a scroll. HE MUST KEEP IT WITH HIM AND READ IT HIS ENTIRE LIFE. HE WILL LEARN TO FEAR THE LORD HIS GOD AND FAITHFULLY OBEY EVERYTHING FOUND IN THESE TEACHINGS AND LAWS. Then HE WON'T THINK HE'S BETTER THAN THE REST OF HIS PEOPLE, and he won't disobey these commands in any way. So he and his sons will rule for a long time in Israel. GW

Quite a long digression there but we must keep focus on the Central Point here: we can’t join those who feed the “ego” of men; we mustn’t give men the gratification of feeling like gods.

Remember why Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were sentenced to death? They refused to worship a Man’s Golden self-image; they were committed to honouring God in the face of death.

Dan 3:17-18 If it is so, our God whom we serve is able to save us from the furnace of blazing fire and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. YET EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, LET IT BE KNOWN TO YOU, O KING, THAT WE WILL NOT SERVE YOUR GODS, NOR WORSHIP THE GOLDEN IMAGE THAT YOU SET UP.” TLV

May we not embarrass our God in the face of alluring fashion of the world, in Jesus name, Amen.

Come back on Monday for more digging into this subtopic.

Keep Shinning!

Brother Prince

Friday, July 1, 2022

08055125517; 08023904307

[dnds]

sometimes trans history is funny. like this bitch just straight up lied to the king of france abt being afab i love it

[zoeykallus]

Arcane - Little Flower

Silco x female!reader

Warning: SMUT! 18+

Oral recieving/ PiV Sex / Some Fingerplay/ Grinding/ Inexperienced reader/ Soft Dom Silco / Soft Dirty Talk/ Dubious Consent

-----------

Author's comment: I recently finished watching Arcane... so anyway, I started simping and I'm making it your problem :)

As for my Star Wars content followers- don't worry, there is more coming. I actually got three WIP's in the making, one with clone wars Rex, one with Tech and one with Crosshair, and there was an idea for something with Hunter but I haven't started that one yet. I don't know wich one will be finished first, that depends on my mood and motivation.

Playing on repeat while writing this: Going Down Power Of Love Niemand

PS: reblogging and commenting is always welcome.

-----------

Following Chapters:

Little Flower Part 2 - Safe And Sound

Little Flower Part 3 - Cupidos (Smut 18+)

Little Flower Part 4 - Before You Killed Me (Violence 18+)

Little Flower Part 5 - Carried By Our Desolation (Smut 18+)

Little Flower Part 6 - The Morning After (Smut 18+)

Little Flower Part 7 - Love And War (Smut 18+

Little Flower Part 8 - Who We Really Are (Smut 18+)

Little Flower Part 9 - What We Deserve

Little Flower Part 10 - Liar

LittleFlower part 11 - Curiosity Killed The Cat

Little Flower Part 12 - Blood Bath (18+ Violence)

Little Flower Part 13 - Aftermath (18+ Smut)

Little Flower Part 14 - Backlash

Little Flower Part 15.1 - The Punishment Of Our Sins

Little Flower Part 15.2 - The Punishment Of Our Sins (18+)

Little Flower Part 16 - South Of Heaven

Little Flower Part 17 - A Turn Of Events (Smut 18+)

Little Flower Part 18 - A Bond Without A Future

Little Flower Part 19 - Tick Tock (Smut 18+)

Little Flower Part 20 - Wedding Night (Smut 18+)

Little Flower Part 21 - Back In Town

Little Flower Part 22 - Stressed Out (Smut 18+)

Little Flower Part 23 - Calm Moments

Little Flower Part 24 - Smoke And Fire (Smut 18+)

Little Flower Part 25 - Filth (Smut 18+)

Little Flower Part 26 - Sweet Comfort Of Love

Little Flower Part 27 - Stupid Ideas

Little Flower Part 28 - To Raise A Hand

Little Flower Part 29 - Stand Your Ground

Little Flower Part 30 - Never Again

Little Flower Part 31 - Everything You Want (Smut 18+)

Little Flower Part 32 - A Long Night (Smut 18 +)

Little Flower Part 33 - Influence

Little Flower Part 34 - Revelations

Little Flower Part 35 - The Weight Of A Decision

Arcane - Little Flower

So much potential had always been seen in you, at least your family had. And yet here you were, working at the front desk of a brothel. So much for potential. Things always went differently in Zaun, if you were too meek you didn't get very far. And unfortunately, you were one of those rather meek people.

It was only your second day and you were already fed up with this job, but you had to live on something. After two days you had already seen a lot of different customers and heard some noises that you would have liked to block out. But at least you were not one of the sex workers, that would be the last thing you wanted to do. Considering that you were still a virgin, that would also be completely inappropriate, at least in your opinion. Even if your boss saw it differently and had initially tried to persuade you to become one of the easy girls.

You reckoned as always with everything, but not with your next customer.

When he entered the brothel, his presence filled the entire building. A slim, tall man with dark hair combed back, a few gray strands, well dressed, sublime step. The left half of his aristocratic, prominent face was haggard with scars, his left eye mutated. The narrow nose in profile reminded of an eagle.

He moved directly toward you. You knew this man, had heard his name many times. Silco. A man who was feared in Zaun, just as he was respected. He didn't have nicknames like "The Eye of Zaun" and "The Industrialist" for nothing. This city was more or less his. He had a reputation for being ruthless and unscrupulous. He ruled over everything he owned with a hard hand and questionable ways and means. It was better not to mess with Silco.

He was outrageously attractive in his own way, at least that's how you looked at him.

Your heart beat up to your neck when he stopped in front of your counter, usually you had to greet people accordingly, but when he looked down at you, your voice got stuck in your throat.

Silco knew what effect he had on the people he met.

He smiled and under his gaze you seemed to get smaller and smaller.

"How can I be of service?" you finally asked, almost so quietly that he could barely hear you.

He looked you up and down, leaned a little further over the counter, closer to you and said, "You're awfully quiet, little flower."

His voice was smooth and dark, vibrating through your senses.

"What can I do for you?" you said a little louder this time.

He chuckled, "Unfortunately, I'm not here for pleasure, I need to have a conversation with your boss. Do you know where I can find her?"

You gulped and answered, "In her office," and pointed in the relevant direction.

One of his large, slender hands approached your face. He was wearing black leather gloves, one of his gloved fingers running along your right cheek.

"Pretty thing," he murmured, finally making his way to the office door with a wink in your direction.

Your mouth was dry and your heart was racing. It couldn't possibly be good when Silco paid you such attention.

Silco faced the madam, a middle-aged lady with too much makeup, too much confidence and too little decency. At least if you asked him.

"I assure you, we will take care of the incident that happened with your subordinate," madam Celest promised with a flutter of her fake eyelashes.

"Hmm" grumbled Silco "That would be better for you, otherwise I'll leave the brothel in other, more capable hands".

"That won't be necessary" said the madam hastily.

He leaned back in his chair to glance through the ajar door and caught a glimpse of you standing behind the counter, apparently going through some paper. When he turned back to the madam, there was a shallow smile on his features.

"There is something, something you could use to pay off your debt to me".

The madam listened up, "Oh yeah?"

"Yes. The girl outside at the front desk. I want her."

The madam blinked and tilted her head to the side, "She's not my property, she just works here. Besides that, she's inexperienced, she's not one of my girls, she just works at the counter"

Silco sighed wearily, "I don't care. I want her. Make sure she comes to the club and works for me, then we are even"

"I'll talk to her, but I can't promise anything."

Silco's eyes narrowed as he said "You better make an effort".

After two days in the brothel, you already had another job. The madam had told you what Silco wanted from you and suggested to accept the offer. One never rejected his offers, that never ended well. But even if one accepted it, not necessarily something good came out of it.

You had spent the last few days bringing him food and drinks, his cigars or mail that was left for him at the club. Otherwise you sat in your room in the same building where your bed was and the few belongings you owned. Silco paid well, but you could hardly leave the building because he had you watched all the time. In the free time you had for yourself, at least one of his goons followed you everywhere you went. They were probably there to make sure you didn't run away.

Carrying a tray of fresh fruit, an outrageously expensive luxury in Zaun, you walked into his office just as one of his goons left the room and locked the door behind you. Uncertainly, you glanced at the sprawling desk and the large, noble chair behind it in which Silco sat. He had a cigar in the corner of his mouth. The smoke rose and the entire room smelled of it, of the cigar and his aftershave. A strangely intoxicating mix.

Your heart beat faster, as it always did when you entered his office, or when he entered a room you were in.

Suddenly he looked up, he smiled when he saw you. Trying with all your might to suppress the trembling in your hands, you approached the table and placed the tray on it.

"Thank you, little flower"

That's what he often called you, little flower.

When you were about to leave again, Silco put out his cigar in the big heavy ashtray on his desk and he stopped you from leaving.

"Wait. Come here," he said, beckoning you to him with two fingers.

You approached the table again, but that wasn't enough for him, he waved you even closer. When you got closer but still not close enough, he impatiently grabbed one of your hands and pulled you towards him. He was still sitting in his chair and looking up at you. The sea green of his normal eye shimmered in the setting sun that shone through the large window behind him.

"Don't be shy," he said teasingly, as you flinched because his knee touched your leg.

“What can I do for you?“, you asked nervously.

"Hmm, you could let me do something for you, because there's something I'd be hungry for."

Your heart leapt into your throat at his words.

"Wh-what?"

Instead of an answer, the long, slender fingers of his large hand stroked along your leg, ever upward, under the hem of your skirt, and upward still. You shivered as his fingers ghosted over the delicate fabric of your panties, just above your sex.

"You're really glowing between your legs, this will probably be a warm meal for me," he quipped with a smirk.

„S-Sir?“, you stuttert feeling heat rising in your face and ears.

Again instead of an answer, he acted. His fingertips feel the edge of your panties and slipped under the fine fabric. Gently his long fingers slid through your folds and at the same moment you felt yourself getting wet, fluids pooling out of you.

You did not dare to say anything or withdraw. Partly out of fear, but also because his touch felt delightful, even if you didn't want to admit it.

When he withdrew his fingers you had to suppress a disappointed sigh. But when you saw him guide his fingers covered with your slick to his lips and lick them, a small whimper escaped you.

"Hmm, my little flower is a honey pot," he murmured delightedly.

Your gaze wandered almost automatically to his crotch and you saw the bulge in his pants, it was practically impossible to miss and gave an idea that he was far better equipped than you had assumed.

With a jerk he suddenly pulled you onto his lap, facing him, your legs left and right over his. One of his hands went to your back, went down to your bottom and gripped into the tender flesh. You inhaled sharply and suppressed a small, startled cry.

His free hand went to your neck and urged your head down towards his. He sniffed your neck and sighed devotedly.

"You smell fantastic Y / N, little flower, so gorgeous," he said in a hoarse voice.

The hand on your bottom pressed you even closer, closer to his body, you could feel his hard erection through the fabric of his pants and your panties on your femininity.

He let out a low, heated growl as you tried to move on his lap.

"Where are you going?" He asked, amused.

"I ... nowhere"

Silco began to kiss your neck and a low whimper came over your lips. His hot breath wandered up your throat to your ear where he whispered: "You don't want to get away from me, do you?"

"N-No"

That was neither a lie nor the truth. He attracted you magnetically and at the same time you were afraid of him, of what people said about him.

"Good, because I still have a lot to do with you, my beautiful," he cooed with a smile.

He arched his hips slightly, pressing his lap into yours and nibbling on your delicate earlobe at the same time.

“Hmmm”, you heard him hum with satisfaction, “Your smell, the warmth of your body, the sweet little honey pot between your legs, you are perfect, little flower. A perfect bloom grown in all the junk around us. And I found you, now you are mine. "

You swallowed and said softly: "Please don't hurt me"

Silco stopped moving, his hand on your neck, pressing your head so he could look you in the face.

"What did you just say?" He asked.

Your eyes darted back and forth wildly, looking for an escape.

"Look at me, stop looking so nervously from one corner to the other," he demanded gently but firmly.

You followed his request very nervously.

"Tell me, Y / N, has any of what I've done so far been painful?"

"N-No," you answered him in a very low voice.

Still calm and gentle, he asked, “No? Then why do you assume that I intend to hurt you? "

“People say things about you. They say ... that you are dangerous and angry and that you hurt people "

Silco nodded thoughtfully, then smiled and said: “Yes, I have a certain reputation. But you are not people. You are my little flower "

You nodded slowly whereupon he smiled in satisfaction.

"Good girl"

He turned the chair and you towards the table, grabbed your hips with both hands and lifted you onto the table. He was much stronger than he looked.

His fingers were nimble, slipping under your skirt and pulling down your panties, brushing them over your ankles and off your body. He didn't toss them carelessly to the side as you had expected, but laid them on the table beside you. Finally, he pushed up the fabric of your skirt, reached for your trembling thighs and spread them.

The corners of his mouth twitched upward as he saw you spread out before him like a buffet. He leaned forward in his chair, his face hovering so close over your pussy that you could feel his hot breath on your moist folds. A soft whimper came from your mouth.

He took a deep breath and chuckled, "Incredibly intoxicating, I'm going to lick your little honey pot dry until you forget your own name, little flower."

Your pussy twitched at his words, heat flowed to your center and the tickle of his breath made your bud swell with desire.

The fingers of his right hand ran gently, almost delicately through your folds, one fingertip caressing your entrance, collecting your juices and sliding upward to your pulsing pearl. As he drew small circles on your clit, you were dripping wet and a high pitched moan came from your throat. It never felt this good when you touched yourself, this was something completely different, much more intense.

Silco gently asked you to lean back with your back on his table and you complied expectantly.

His finger continued to massage your sensitive bud as his tongue ran over your folds. Surprised by the sensation, your thighs twitched. His tongue swirled hot, strong and deft through your folds, to your entrance and dipped inside you.

You couldn't help it, the words coming hoarsely from your mouth, "Oh God!"

He chuckled into your folds, the vibration almost sending you over the edge.

Your toes curled, your thighs trembled with tension, your whole abdomen seemed filled with liquid heat. He licked you out, with intense movements of his tongue, humming over and over again with excitement and satisfaction, chasing sweet vibration into your sex.

In a groan it came from your lips, "Please! S-Silco I'm gonna...."

He hummed deep and hungry this time.

"Yes" he mumbled into your folds "Come for me, let go, I'll catch you".

The knot loosened, tingling hot waves vibrated through your pussy and you tightened around his tongue.

Silco moaned and worked you even further, working through your high, gently stroking your hips with his free hand. Eventually he let go of you so he wouldn't overstimulate you, though he couldn't resist the naughty little kiss on your still swollen pearl. He wiped his mouth and grinned at you as you propped yourself up on your elbows and looked at him.

Still nervous and breathing heavily from your climax, you smiled shyly at him.

"So, did that hurt?" he asked teasingly, getting up from his chair.

You shook your head and said almost in a whisper, "No. That was nice."

He undid the belt of his pants and at the sight of him unwrapping his length, nervousness crept up in you again. Heavy and girthy, his veiny cock stood out from his body, the blunt tip slightly swollen. He saw the look on your face and tilted his head slightly to the side.

"What's wrong? A little above average I know, but I promise you I'm gentle".

Your mouth opened and you shyly told him softly, "I've never done this before."

"What?" he asked with a puzzled blink "Really never?"

You nodded, shying away from his scrutinizing gaze.

"Now I understand why you're so nervous all the time, you had no idea what to expect did you? Poor thing, must have been scared, but there's no need to be, I'm not going to hurt you, I'm going to make you feel good", he cooed.

He gently pulled you off the table onto your wobbly legs and held you as you almost buckled.

Silco led you to another door in his office and opened it. Behind it was a bedroom with a huge bed with black silk sheets. The rest of the room automatically blanked out of your mind because you knew this bed was the target and your thoughts swirled solely around it.

He began to undress you until you finally stood naked in front of him, his gaze wandering up and down your body.

" Delicious! On the bed with you, little flower".

You complied with his request and climbed onto the bed, turning to face him and watching as he undressed as well. The torso first, out of the fancy coat of the fine vest and the red dress shirt.

Yes he was slim, but under his pale skin hard muscles stood out, a body stronger than it appeared at first sight. A few fine hairs on his chest, already graying, gathered in a line leading down into his pants, accentuated by the appetizing V line of his hips.

At the sight, your mouth watered. Torn between sexual desire and a touch of fear, you watched as he slipped off his shoes, socks, pants and underwear. Again your eyes fell on his privates, so proud, veiny and heavy. Your heart beat wildly in your chest, towards him, and at the same time your nerves fluttered with nervousness.

He smiled at you, in his own haunting way that got under your skin and made you shiver.

Silco climbed up onto the bed, over you, gently but firmly spreading your legs with his, lying down on top of you and pressing his hard shaft against your wet folds. His arms supported most of his weight as he gently began to roll his hips, rubbing his length over your sex and creating glorious friction on your pearl.

With an excited sigh, you wrapped your legs around his body almost automatically and began to move with him. You realized that was far from all, he wasn't even inside you yet and you longed to feel him inside you as much as you were afraid of it. But so far he had been gentle and considerate, so you were nowhere near as scared as you had expected.

There you were, lying naked in Silco's bed beneath him, expecting him to deflower you at any moment. Something you never would have thought would happen just a few days ago. At least not with Silco.

His face came closer and when his lips gently touched yours, your eyes closed with a soft sigh. He was warm and softer than you had expected, this mouth that often gave such harsh words speech, such grim commands- was warm and gentle. His tongue slid over your lower lip, asking for entrance and you granted it only too gladly. As his tongue slid into your mouth and playfully explored yours, you could taste yourself in his mouth, a strange, exciting sensation.

As he increased the pressure of his hips in your lap, you moaned into the kiss and his lips twisted into a smile.

Silco slowly detached himself from your lips and spoke softly in a voice like hot dark chocolate, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

Nervously you licked your lips. Yes you wanted it, you wanted to feel more of him, wanted to belong to him, every fiber of your body craved it even if a part of you still trembled gently at the thought. You nodded, but that wasn't enough for him.

"Tell me with your words, little flower," he demanded, cooing.

"I want this, I want you, Silco."

His smile sent shivers through your expectant body.

"Very well, then you shall have what you desire".

He pulled his hips back a bit to line up at your entrance. The tip of his cock hit the folds at your entrance, parting them slowly and gently. You gasped as he slowly entered you, at first with just the tip. As expected, he not only looked massive but felt so as well. Slowly he pushed further, you felt the stretch as he slowly filled you, then a slight resistance and a small sharp pain that made you wince against your will.

You held your breath, nervous and unsure.

Silco stopped, bent down to you without advancing any further, kissed your shoulder and whispered: "Keep breathing, little flower, you don't have to be afraid, this little pain was all the discomfort you will feel, I promise".

You breathed a sigh of relief, but stuttering, irregular. His lips moved to your neck, placing open mouthed kisses on your heated skin, trying to soothe you.

Silco placed a kiss under your ear and whispered, "My beautiful little flower, relax, breathe in and out, breathe with me."

His gentle encouragement helped you regain your composure, his warm lips on your skin, began to rekindle the tingling in your core. As Silco felt you gradually relax under him, he pushed deeper into you.

Your fingers clawed into his shoulders as you felt him filling you, filling your cleft to the hilt, stretching you. The small bush of curly, partly graying hair at the base of his shaft tickled your pearl.

A curse escaped your lips and he chuckled.

"Are you all right?" he asked softly.

"Yeah... it's just so... so much"

With a smile he cocked an eybrow at you, asking, "Too much? Do you want me to stop?"

"No!" you said hastily, wrapping your legs tighter around him and rolling your hips.

"Do you want more?" he asked, his voice a promising whisper.

„Yes! P-please, more...need more“

Silco began to move, pulling his hips back, slowly, and then forward again, into you. The feeling was indescribable. He kept moving, paying close attention to your every reaction. He changed the angle, shifted his weight, until he could see in your face that he was hitting just the right spot in your wet, hot cleft.

"Oh my love, you're so tight and hot and wet, just for me," he uttered hoarsely, and you saw his good eye darken with desire.

But he held back, taking you with gentle thrusts, giving you time.

It wasn't long, however, before your fingers dug into his buttocks, urging him to give you more, harder and faster. He emitted a surprised sound, but immediately complied with your wordless request.

Wet sounds filled the room, mixed with the sound of naked skin meeting naked skin. A sensual and sinful sound. Heat flowed into your pussy, your body quivering with each of his thrusts. His lips and teeth caressed your neck, greedy yet gentle, leaving marks on your skin as he took you greedier and greedier, his breath becoming heavier and faster.

Sweat covered both your skin.

"S-Silco," it came harshly from your lips, "more, please, f-faster..."

With a growl that came deep from his chest, he granted your wish, taking you faster, harder. Whimpers and high pitched moans came rushing out of your mouth, your fingers clawing over his back, his shoulders in helpless horniness as his cock buried deep inside you, moved inside you. His tip kept hitting that one spot that made you see stars and sent hot waves through your body.

One particularly intense thrust made you yelp, "hnngnaaah!.... close, I'm c-close!"

"Good girl, cum for me, cum on my cock!" he forced out through clenched teeth.

The sound that came from your mouth as the knot burst was almost a scream. Your walls tightened around his length, your thighs quivering tensely as a tingling, hot wave followed by many smaller waves like an echo, coursed through your abdomen, radiating heat with a tickle into all your limbs.

Silco growled again as he felt your cleft tighten, your climax racing over you. His thrusts became erratic.

"Where... where do you want me...?"

"Inside me!" you hastily interrupted him, feeling that he could barely hold it in.

Almost at the same moment he let go, his cock pulsing inside you, his seed flowing hotly into your cleft, and for a moment you felt even fuller than before.

With an extended sigh, his thrusts became slower and slower until he finally stopped, breathing heavily. He licked his lips and looked into your sweaty face.

"That was..." your lips twisted into a wide smile as you saw the look of anticipation on his face "Indescribably beautiful."

With a satisfied smile he said in a raspy voice "I don't think I can ever get enough of you. I can't wait to show you more".

He kissed you gently as his shaft slowly softened inside you.

Holding you to his lips, he whispered questioningly, "Would you like to spend the night here, little flower?"

A tender yet joyful, "Yes," was your answer.

Again he showed that smile, that one that he seemed to show only for you, that filled your heart with warmth and your belly with butterflies.

[mishasminions]

Here’s why the Supernatural Series Finale Sucked

(AND IT REALLY ISN’T JUST BECAUSE CAS/MISHA WASN’T IN IT)

First of all, I’d like to state, that this perspective is coming from someone who has watched, invested in, and dissected this show for 15 years. I’ve tried to rationalize and justify every single decision each of the main characters made throughout the years, and I’ve always tried to make sense of each of their story arcs from a “bigger picture” standpoint as each season progressed.

Anyway, before I can properly explain why the finale sucked, let me quickly take you through 15 seasons by segregating them into 3 eras, because you can’t really comprehend what Supernatural is about and what it’s become without going through how it tried to expand its universe.

SEASONS 1-5: THE KRIPKE ERA

Now, we all know that Kripke was always set in wrapping up Sam and Dean’s story in 5 seasons, and he did just that.

So, in this era, Supernatural is about two brothers who set out on a journey to fulfill “the family business”. They hunt mythical monsters that terrorize the world, while battling the monsters within themselves. Their ultimate “big bad” is an apocalypse.

Towards the end of this era, we find out that Sam and Dean are actually a parallel to Biblical characters who are brothers turned rivals. And that Sam and Dean’s destiny is to go up against each other.

However, as a dynamic, they have always been about making their own choices, choosing free will, and having a brotherly bond that can power through against any obstacle at any given day.

So, this era is neatly wrapped up with its finale. The characters grow, and get justified endings.

Dean, a man who thinks of himself as two things: 1. Sam’s older brother and protector; and 2. Daddy’s blunt little instrument.

He’s spent his whole life believing that that was his only purpose, and he knew that the only ending he’ll get would either be a bloody death fulfilling his duty to the family business; or laying his life on the line to save his brother.

Dean gets the ending he thought was never possible for him, something he thought he could never deserve. After years of living and dying for his family, he gets a shot at having an apple pie life--to settle down with a nice girl, raise a kid in a house with a white picket fence. With Sam gone, Dean’s responsibility now is to himself.

Sam, on the other hand, never wanted any part of it, because he wasn’t groomed the way Dean was, and because thanks to Dean, Sam wasn’t traumatized or forced into growing up too quickly the way Dean was.

So Sam aspires for a normal life, and works the cases with Dean so he can maybe get some semblance of it, when everything they set out to kill are laid to rest.

Ultimately, Sam performs a selfless act for his brother, who has given up everything for him, and for their cause--to save the world.

The journey is this: Dean sacrifices everything to save Sam, and Sam sacrifices himself so Dean could live.

Apart from being Dean’s “savior” and guardian angel, Castiel’s role in this era is to serve as a mirror to Dean’s journey. Castiel goes from being heaven’s foot soldier, following “God’s orders”; to an angel who learns to choose and feel for the first time in his existence.

After they realize that they’re both daddy’s blunt instruments, Dean starts choosing his own path for himself, and convinces Castiel to join him. Castiel stops following heaven, and starts following Dean.

In the end, with his newfound understanding of the world thanks to Dean, Castiel goes back to heaven to reform it.

We’ve resolved the biblical arc, and the character journeys.

SEASONS 6-10: THE SPIN-OFF ERA

So this is where the show realizes how vast its universe can be, so it tries to expand it by tapping into uncharted lands and experimenting with it.

They take on heaven, reform hell, explore purgatory, have the angels fall, turn Dean into a demon, and kill Death.

Dean and Sam recognize their codependency, and try to rise above it.

They go back and forth between which brother will risk it all for the greater good every other season.

Dean and Cas strengthen their relationship by recognizing the impact they have on each other’s lives.

Cas structures his life and decisions around Dean (Seasons 6-7), and Dean learns to trust and fight for Cas (Seasons 8-9).

Sam and Cas bond (mostly over Dean) because of their shared rationales in decision-making.

Dean, Sam, and even Cas also forge relationships with the people they work with. The concept of “found family” is introduced here.

This era was heavy on the plot while establishing, reinforcing, and solidifying relationships and dynamics.

At this point, it wasn’t just about the brothers anymore.

If Supernatural had ended in Season 10, the logical finale would’ve been Team Free Will, along with the family that they’ve found, going up against the latest big bad (Death or whoever). Maybe they lose them along the way, maybe they all make it out alive, or maybe they go down swinging, but at least the show recognizes and supports the message they keep saying, “Family don’t end with blood”

SEASONS 11-15: THE REWRITE ERA

This is where the show runs out of ideas and decides to invalidate the seasons that came before it.

From bringing Mary back (basically rendering their whole journey pointless because they’ve literally started hunting because of her death), to changing the stipulations in being Michael and Lucifer’s vessels (another character struggle rendered useless), to God himself breaking the fourth wall by saying that the Winchesters get away with everything because “they’re the main characters in his story and everything they’ve been through was just part of a badly written narrative”.

But what we’re getting from this era is that Sam and Dean, along with Cas (who has also deviated from the story) ARE trying to escape a badly written narrative.

That’s the “big bad” in this era. The writer.

At this point, the characters have picked up so many strays (including those from alternate universes), and have settled into their roles in their “found family”. Dean, Sam, and Cas all become surrogate dads and uncles.

They’ve also graduated from the whole “we’re on different sides” and “going behind each other’s backs” drama. And they just want the whole family together.

They’ve all resigned themselves to the cause, but they’re also tired. Dean allows himself to contemplate about wanting more out of life or at least getting a vacation. Sam, on the other hand, realizes his capabilities as an effective leader. Castiel learns to love another being that isn’t Dean (spoiler: it’s Jack).

However, they also realize that they’ve just been puppets on a string all this time.

So what they want now, is to write their own story, and make their own choices knowing that God/the writer isn’t the one fueling their narrative.

So here’s why the finale sucks:

Andrew Dabb, the current showrunner, said that there would be two finales.

15x19 - The finale to wrap up Season 15, and 15x20 - The finale to wrap up the series by “resolving the characters’ journey”

In 15x19 the boys find a way to de-power God/the writer. For the first time in their whole lives, they are free from the story. Their lives are completely theirs now. They can make their own decisions. There are no more “big bads” to fight

And here’s what happens in 15x20:

Immediately after being freed from their story arc, Dean and Sam go back to hunting the monster of the week.

Dean eats pie, gets nailed (literally), makes a 10-minute speech to Sam because he knows he’s dying, then he goes to heaven.

Dean is greeted by Bobby, his surrogate Dad who he hasn’t seen (fully alive) since Season 7. Bobby’s expository dialogue comprises of him explaining that he got out of heaven’s jail, that John and Mary are next door, and that Jack and Cas fixed the dynamics of heaven off-screen.

The first thing Dean decides to do is go for a long drive in his Impala (as if he hasn’t done enough of that already).

Meanwhile, Sam decides to stop hunting after Dean dies, he gets the apple pie life he hadn’t wanted since Season 8 (while Dean was in Purgatory), and names his kid “Dean” for effect. He grows old and dies.

Dean drove around in heaven for so long that Sam catches up to him.

They hug. The end.

Great, right?

After 15 years of struggling to battle their own respective destinies, going up against big bads and even bigger bads, then finally being able to take charge of their own stories, Dean and Sam regress to hunting the monster of the week, and get killed off by a nail and old age. Okay.

Sam gets to retire and have a family, sure, but they still focus on him and the kid he named after his dead brother. Still just “Sam and Dean” through and through. Nothing to do with found family. Just lineage. Just blood. And it ends there.

See, the problem here is that this ending would’ve been passable in The Kripke Era. But we’re 10 years down the road since, and while Sam and Dean are the original main characters, the show isn’t just about them and their codependent relationship anymore.

So you see, even if you take out the whole “Castiel deserves to be in the finale because he’s also a main character with an unfinished story arc” argument, the finale still does no justice to the series it tried to “wrap up”.

But anyway, now I’ll make the case for the problem with Castiel not being in the finale:

In 15x18, we get a 5-minute rushed confession from Castiel to Dean. The context of which are as follows:

1. Earlier in the episode, Dean had wounded Death with her scythe. We later find out that this wound is fatal.

2. Their friends start to “blip out” in a Thanos-like snap, and Dean thinks that Death is causing it, so Dean seeks her out, and Cas goes with him.

3. Dean and Cas anger Death, apparently for no reason because she didn’t even do the thing they thought she did. She chases them to try to kill them

4. Dean and Cas lock themselves in a room. Dean starts a pity party.

5. As Dean goes through hating himself out loud, Cas decides to inform Dean of the deal he made with The Empty. He then proceeds to explain the stipulation of the deal (that he would get taken once he experiences a moment of true happiness), then discusses his newfound happiness philosophy. Dean is getting whiplash.

6. Cas goes on to imply that the one thing that he wanted that he knew he couldn’t have is Dean Winchester reciprocating his romantic feelings for him. (Don’t even try to fight me on this because Cas already has Dean’s platonic love, and he knows that Dean thinks of him as a brother, so if he really meant this in a “familial” way, then why would he think that he couldn’t have the thing that would make him happy?) So Cas’ realization is that telling Dean about his feelings is enough to make him happy.

7. Cas tells Dean all the reasons why he loves him (thereby combating Dean’s self-deprecation tirade), and all the reasons why he’s worthy of his love. Meanwhile, Dean is still winded from the fact that Cas is about to sacrifice himself for him again.

8. Dean never gets to process anything, because Cas is shoving him out of the way, as he and Death (who busts through the door) get taken by The Empty.

After this episode, Dean never speaks of it. Misha Collins supposes that Dean doesn’t reciprocate. Jensen Ackles says that Dean didn’t really get to process it because it was too much, too fast, and that Dean, still dense as ever, thinks that Cas, a celestial being, doesn’t interpret human feelings the same way.

So what was the point of this confession?

Politics and sensitivities of a 2005 network television aside, what does this do for the story?

Cas proclaims his romantic feelings to Dean, but Dean never acknowledges it, doesn’t even give it a passing thought afterwards. So Cas’ big declaration goes unheard.

Cas cashes in on his Empty deal to kill Death (who was dying anyway), in order to save Dean who dies two episodes after.

Dean makes no effort to save Cas (despite being really broken up about his previous deaths, or even spending a whole year in Purgatory looking for him), even after they’ve beaten God, not even asking Jack (who has all the power in the universe) to bring him back (when Jack has already done it before, with less mojo).

Dean moves on to fight the monster of the week. Somewhere off-screen, Jack rescues Cas from The Empty, but Cas uncharacteristically doesn’t even bother to go to Dean? (Every single time he comes back, Dean’s always the first person he goes to)

And Cas, who apparently helped craft and reform the new heaven, isn’t the one who welcomes Dean and explains the new dynamics of it?

Sure, Jan.

Supernatural, you’ve created a finale that only your casual viewers and people who dipped out after Season 5 can appreciate.

Just goes to show how much you actually valued the people who actually invested in your story and characters, and consistently helped keep your show on the air.

[RT this on Twitter]

[whatdamiwatched]

Are we…a…family?

Sharpwin finally had the kind of confrontation that they’ve been needing to have since they got into a quick ass relationship, jumped over all the regular steps and moved to a whole new country together. Even though they had been whatever they were for three years, their personal relationship lived within the walls of the hospital. They didn’t have dinner some nights or hang out in each other’s houses, she didn’t babysit Luna from time to time- it was a work husband/wife dynamic that stayed at work. Understandably, moving from that very contained relationship into an extremely serious romantic relationship had to explode sooner or later- the show went for later - because timing isn’t their forte, but it was nonetheless satisfying.

I have never seen a character more loved and exalted as Max Goodwin. For some reason, the fandom is quick to see everything from his point of view and remind themselves that HE’S A GOOD MAN! It doesn’t help that his character is written to be the saintiest of saints- like even Jesus cannot compete- and every character that’s next to him has to be a little bit worse. An example is the entire hospital staff pretending that Helen leaving was a completely normal and inconsequential thing even though she had worked with these people for years, was best friends with some of them and had been a big part of Max’s transformation of New Amsterdam. A lot of that is a failing on the part of the writers, but also a part of this flattening of any character around Max to let his sainthood shine brighter.

When Helen brought up the subject of Max’s parents, he explained it away in two sentences and put a pin 📌 in the conversation. Helen respected that and didn’t push it. In that same conversation, Max then broaches the subject of where he wants her relationship with Luna to go.

Against the two things I have highlighted, we come to the basis of their first fight. After Helen explodes at her mother, and Max shows up ONE hour late, she leaves the restaurant angrily. Max stays. So much happened after that this point was very much overlooked, but ONE hour late to meet the woman you’re calling your mother in law is unacceptable. I also think if he could already not make the effort to be on time to something Helen expressed was already a fraught encounter, he should have followed her for that reason. She should have been in that moment, his priority and he should have been more conscious of the fact that he was walking into a thorny situation to start with.

Now, before I continue, let me address the people that would try to remind me that he moved country- boo-fucking-hoo. He made a choice that adults across the world make every day and he’s making it for someone that has LITERALLY saved his life MULTIPLE times. I don’t even want to debate what the weight of his sacrifice is because I’m not convinced it even compared to the 3 seasons of sacrifice from her beforehand and she didn’t ask it of him.

So Helen is back home, wearing one of Max’s shirts for comfort, drinking wine and trying to recover from maybe one of the biggest blow outs she’s ever had with her mum. Max comes home and he doesn’t ask questions- doesn’t say “omg that seemed really hard, what happened?” Or “how are you feeling now?” Or “do you want to talk?” Or “I’m sorry I was late”- you know what Max does instead?

Max says he’s solved the issue by setting up a standing weekly invitation for them to bond.

Put yourself in Helen’s shoes? WTF?

When she rightly says she didn’t ask him to solve it…and wait let’s circle back. As a couple, it’s really okay and ideal to deal with things together, but that was far from what he was doing- he was making a unilateral decision about something that was separate from their relationship. So when she’s saying “don’t solve this”, it’s not a “I don’t love you, stay out”- it’s a “this is still a space you’re not part of yet.” Max responds by bringing up moving. Now it’s not that fact that he said moving (actually it is a little bit) but it’s also the language he used. “When I moved across the world for you, your problems became our problems”- on first glance, it might seem almost romantic, on second glance, Helen was completely right. Even though he made the physical move with her, he had a different set of emotional touch points with the move. His emotional thing was - “I love this woman, I want her in my life, I want to be with her and that’s what matters now.” For Helen, it’s “I’ve run away from dealing with my family issues and I’m trying to discover who I was to find out how I am”. Those are difficult issues already without carrying the burden of the fact that your brand new boyfriend has moved his life to be with you.

So while she’s home with her wine trying to decompress from a big part of her move blowing up, Max comes home and triggers the other button- “I get to interfere because I moved here”. Boom.

By now, he’s frustrated that she’s not talking to him about the deeper background issues and being left with her mum and so where he should have pulled back, he pushes at it, leading to their back and forth which ends in him asking - “are we a family?”

What an unfair question. What a load to add on top of an already heavy day.

In a way, that’s Max. Max that wanted to be all of the above even when he was married- Max that pushed Helen to admit her feelings and then acted like the conversation never happened- Max that had a relationship he didn’t share, but questioned why she didn’t share hers- Now, Max that’s using her relationship with her mother to act as a shortcut to expressing his moving uncertainty.

I am happy the fight happened though and can’t wait to see where it leads them to next.