#And now I find out you're able to help support the family but chose to enslave the galaxy instead | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

devotedlykoneshots · 1 year

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PARK SEONGHWA: THE THERAPIST

Genre : 🔞minors dni, small age gap, reader is a menace, seonghwa does a little more than guide her, smut

Word count: 3,814

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It was silent for a few minutes as your counselor went over your file, face void of any emotion and leaving you nothing that could give away what he was thinking about.

Your parents had sent you to a behavioral program for troubled kids after your last outburst landed you in jail.

They'd been very calculated by it , sending you before your 18 birthday so you wouldn't be able to leave even if by law you could.

You had nowhere to go and no financial support especially since your family practically abandoned you since you entered the program.

It's been months and nothing, not even a Ietter from them but you'd excepted your fate and chose to make due with what you had.

On the bright side kids there weren't that bad and most of them were in the same position as you were, the more you show progress in the program the more you're allowed freedom.

The program also helped young adults find housing and jobs once they completed the program, so it wasn't all bad but still you didn't want to be there.

A voice brings you out of your head.

"i see you have a history of violence."he shuts the thick folder and you shrugged your shoulders.

"People have a history of pissing me off."you rolled your eyes and he sighed, the new ones are always the hardest to get through to.

"We need to find the trigger only then can I help you , you can't just retaliate with violence everytime someone is being a dick to you"he half scolds you which you noticed now that he looked pretty young to be working here.

"Excuse my french"he apologized for his outburst and you smirked at him losing his temper.

"Look I'm here to help you reign in those violent impulses, that starts with identifying the problem and that means going back through your past"he said and you sighed, gathering your things and standing up.

"We're gonna be here awhile and you have another session in 20 minutes"you told him and he scoffed, blocking you from leaving with his arm.

"Then you better get started"he said and you looked at him incredulous.

"sit"he orders you and you plop back down in your chair, defeated and finally starting to give in.

-------

"You use humor as a way to hide your pain, it's not uncommon"your first session with Mr park was pretty much a success, you'd talked about your father abandoning you before you turned 5 and how your mother married quickly after he left.

It turned out neither of your parents were faithful in that marriage and that led to your trust and commitment issues.

You also have major abandonment issues which your mother never caught onto considering she'd just abandoned you just like your father.

"Thank you"you said to his statement about your coping mechanisms, you'd been through that drug phase and that played a factor in you being sent there.

You thought it was a bit hypocritical since your mother, father and step father all went through a drug phase.

"That's not a good thing"he said, shaking his head and you raised your eyebrows.

"What I'm hearing is you think

I'm funny"you said , making his job harder was your favorite pass time.

"I- no, that's not-"he trips and stumbles over his words embarrassingly but you say nothing about it, the feeling of you eyeing him with that mischievous look in your eyes.

It made him flustered.

It's not that none of his clients haven't tried to flirt with him or didn't try and make a move on him because they have but there was something different about you.

Maybe it was your story or the way you carry yourself despite having been through so much at a young age and you're not even half way through your past at that but you still made seonghwa nervous like a little high school girl being near her crush for the first time.

"Let's talk about journey"this however caught you off guard, your "sudden" change in sexuality is also why you're here, your mom almost had a heart attack when she came home early from work and saw you sucking on a girls neck in her living room.

"Why?"you asked, your face contorts into a pained look.

"Because as soon as you heard her name you became tense, it's obviously a hard topic for you"he tells you and you shake your head.

"We really don't-"he cuts you off with a warning tone, not giving you a choice.

"Y/n"

"She was my girlfriend"you hurried out and seonghwa heard it.

"Girlfriend? You're-"you raised your eyebrows, clearly amused.

"Are you asking about my sexuality Mr park?"you asked with a smirk, he was so fun to rile up.

"No!"he exclaimed and you laughed at his outburst, cheeks burning red.

"I would never"he said and you smiled, nodding your head.

"Good, that would have been extremely unprofessional. I'd hate to get you into any trouble"you blinked innocently at him and you could swear you could see a little tent in his pants.

"I'm pansexual, just in case you were wondering"you leaned forward and whispered to him, he gulps and clears his throat.

"Back to journey"he said, redirecting the subject back to the task at hand and you let out a grumble.

"She was my first love and my mother forbid that we see each other, the end"with that you took it upon yourself to end the session and with left the room, slamming the door closed as you left.

------

During lunchtime you took it upon yourself to go and apologize to Mr park, just before you could knock on the door a moan rips from under the door.

So you open the door after a moment and let yourself in, the sight before you was a beautiful sight with his cock in his hand and his hips bucking into his fist.

The quick rise and fall of his chest which unfortunately stopped the moment he realized someone walked into the room.

"Y/n, you're supposed to be having lunch"he pants as he stands up and turns away from you, tucking himself back in his jeans which didn't hide much because he was still hard.

"You always jerk off while I'm having lunch, mr park?"you asked and he runs his fingers through his hair as he bends down to put his paperwork away.

"I'm not answering that, I uh-"he answered before placing his hands on the desk and shutting a drawer with his foot before turning to look at you, you slowly stalking towards him like a predator stalking it's prey right before it pounces.

"What can I help you with?"he asked and you pulled yourself up onto his desk.

"I was coming to apologize for storming out earlier"you said innocently as if you weren't perched on top of his desk, looking like a present made just for him.

"Don't worry about it , I forced you into something you weren't ready for"he replied after clearing his throat.

"No you were right, bottling up my emotions is what got me here"you told him and pushed him into his chair, the heavy rise and fall of his chest beginning to return.

"I'm glad you're finally-"he chokes on air as you take your foot which you had removed your shoes while he was occupying himself, dragging your foot up the expanse of his thigh.

"Finally what?"you asked, drawing his attention back to you and he takes a deep breath.

"Y/n"he pushes your foot to the side and stood up, towering over your body and looking down on you with dark eyes.

"This is inappropriate"he said and you bit your bottom lip.

"What's inappropriate is you getting a hard on during our session"you fired back and he groans softly, cupping your jaw with one hand and tilting your head back.

"This mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble one day"he said and you drag your hands down his chest.

"Arrest me then"you challenged him and he pulls you off his desk.

"Come here"he turns you around and bends you over his desk , grabbing a handful of your hair and pulling your head back as you let out a gasp at the sudden aggressiveness he was giving you.

You liked that. A lot.

"You like messing with my head, don't you?" He whispered in your ear and you smiled at that.

"Only because it clearly turns you on."you said and he groans softly, grinding his bulge against your clothed ass.

"This isn't right, I shouldn't be doing this"he said and let go of your hair, his senses coming back a little bit.

"Your body is saying something totally different"you said and grinded back against him, leaning your head back to look up at him.

"I want you to fuck me in every hole imaginable, now"he curses under his breath and pushes you back down on his desk, pulling your pants and panties down in one go.

His mouth is on you instantly as he kisses your ass and you have to quickly cover your mouth once he slaps your ass.

"Fuck, yes-"you moan softly and push back against his hand, he forces you back against the desk and licks your pussy from behind.

"Spread your legs"you immediately obeyed and he turns around before sliding underneath you, your bottom half is hidden by his desk thankfully because the door opens and in comes one of the founders of the program.

"Y/n? What are you doing here?"he asked and you looked up at him , forcing a smile upon your face as seonghwa starts to blow air onto your pussy and having to fight back a shiver that so desperately wanted to take over.

"Waiting for Mr park, I wanted to apologize for earlier"you told him but he walks further into the room, now concerned.

"Did something happen?"he asked, genuinely.

"I got a little too emotional and stormed out earlier, it was a touchy subject"you told him, hoping that'd be enough to get him to drop it and leave.

You were very wrong.

"Well it's good that you're recognizing your mistakes and fixing them accordingly, that's progress"he applauded you for your progress, he wouldn't be applauding you if he knew what was happening underneath that desk just a few feet from where he stood.

"Thank you"you said and he gave him a smile as seonghwa parted your lips , tongue swirling around your entrance before dragging the soft muscle up to your clit.

"Don't wait too long , lunchtime is almost over"he tells you and finally made his way to the door , allowing you just enough time to bite your bottom lip and grip the males hair beneath you.

"Of course"you responded.

"Bye!"he turned around and waved at you, you nodded and waved back. A sigh of relief escaping your lips as the door shut and he sucks on your most sensitive part, a whimper escaping your lips.

"Be quiet"he said, looking up at you and pulling your hips flushed against his face. His tongue felt amazing as he ate you out, ignoring the sounds you tried your best to keep inside.

"Little brat is speechless now, isn't she?"he taunts you , you go to reply but he cuts you off immediately.

"I-"

"I said be quiet"he stares up at you with dark eyes, this time a shiver ran down your spine from his look and he pulls back from your pussy and stands up.

Two fingers are stuffed into your tight pussy as he turns you around and pushes you up against the desk before starting to pump , smiling almost sadistically at the look on your face.

No signs of you fighting him whatsoever, you were a good girl in that moment.

"If I would've known you'd be this plaint with just a few fingers in you , I would've done this months ago"he said and you looked up at him through hooded eyes as he starts to slowly jerk his fingers, speeding up suddenly and you lean forward as a gasp leaves you.

You cling to him almost desperately as your body contorts at the pleasure he was giving you, hips bucking against his fingers with your face in his neck as you let out muffled cries.

"That's it, cum all over my fingers darling"he whispered into your ear as you holds you close and just like a good girl you cum all over his fingers just like he said, he slows down his pace as he guides you seamlessly through your orgasm before pulling back and sticking his fingers into his mouth.

"My turn"you look up at him as he unbuttoned his pants and pushed them down, his boxers following soon after before he's taking a seat in his chair.

"Come here"he said as he strokes his cock lazily and you looked at him, almost in a trance.

He was bigger than you expected.

You moved to walk towards him but he stopped you.

"Stop"he said and you obeyed immediately, you had no idea but it turned him on immensely.

You being his good girl, listening to him, following his every command like a good pet.

"On your knees"he said with a smug grin and you were so far gone already, you sink onto your knees without a second thought and crawl over to him.

You lick from his inner thigh to his balls and begin to suck on them, he groans softly and continues to stroke his cock until you move his hand before wrapping your smaller ones around his shaft.

"Come on, take it"he urges you and gather spit in your mouth before licking his cock, taking his tip between your lips and bobbing your head along his cock.

His fingers tangle into your hair and he tilts his head back, curses slipping from his lips at finally getting some attention for his cock and he looks down at you to see that you're already watching him.

One hand on his thigh and the other wrapped around the base of his cock, squeezing and twisting as you take more of his cock into your mouth.

"Fucking hell"he groans softly and pushes your head completely down, you're instantly gagging on his cock and essentially choking but he keeps you there until you're tapping his thigh for him to let you up.

He does so immediately and smiles at your coughing, gasping for air and he stands up before he's grabbing your chin and pushes his cock back into your mouth.

Your hands wrap around his thighs as he fucks your throat and he bites his bottom lip, the lewd sounds coming from the both of you had you squeezing your legs closed but he tsked and pushed them apart with his foot.

You pull back off his cock to catch your breath again and he pulls you up, turning you around and bending you over his desk again.

"I should just leave you right here, like this"he said as he prods at your hole and you looked back at him, a whimper leaving your lips.

"Please don't"you beg him and you let out a gasp , your back arching as you felt him enter inside of you.

"Oh my god"you breathe resting your head on his desk but you receive a harsh slap to your ass.

"Look at me, watch me fuck you"his hips roll into you slowly and you bite your bottom lip, nodding at his demand.

"O-okay"you said and he smiles, leaning forward and kissing your neck sloppily before sucking on the skin harshly.

"Yeah you wanted this so bad, you're gonna watch"he rasps and kisses your hair before pulling away, gradually thrusting his cock into you faster as he builds momentum.

"Oh my-"you cover your mouth as you look back at him and he spreads your cheeks just for you to see when he enters and pulls out.

"Fuck"he pulls your shirt off and tosses it on the floor, spreading your legs and pulling your hips back into him.

He enjoyed watching your eyebrows furrow and your hand clamped down over your mouth to keep quiet, your back arching with every thrust and how good it felt to be inside of you.

"I'm gonna cum"you warned him and he pulled out of you before turning you around again and sitting you on his desk, sliding back into you before resuming his pace.

"Kiss me"you whimper and try to pull him closer but he smirks at you.

"Do you really deserve it though?"he asked and you whine softly.

"That's not fair, no teasing"you complained and he didn't like that, wrapping his hand around your throat and pushing you down on the desk.

"You'll take whatever I give you...."a sharp thrust gets you to fall back in line easily, your back arching and he chuckles.

"Understand?"he asked after a moment and you nodded.

"Y-yes"you cover your mouth as he speeds up the pace again, the sounds of skin slapping against skin fills the room along with your attempts at keeping quiet.

"Yes what?"he asked and spits directly on your clit before bringing a finger down to rub on your sensitive clit.

"M-mr park"you cried out and he slams his hips against yours, your back arching off his desk and he smiles in satisfaction.

"I'm cumming, fuck I'm gonna cum"seonghwa pulls pulls you up and holds the back of your head as he presses his lips against yours deeply, you immediately kiss him back and the kiss is sloppy.

Just downright filthy, his tongue and lips attack your own and he's clearly not holding back anymore with the way his hips collide with your own as you cry out against his lips.

His fingers holding you in place to keep you from running away from his hips and when you pull away for air your lips are swollen from his kisses.

His kisses travel lower to your neck and shoulder before he bites down on the skin , losing himself in the pleasure and not thinking about the bruises that will show up on your body the next day.

All he could think of right now was how to bring you both the best pleasure and you were loving it, especially when his lips returned to your own for a round two as you cum and he sucks on your tongue.

"Fuck"he breathes once he pulls away and pulls out of you , he presses your thighs together and pushes his cock between them.

"What are you-"you gasp as he starts to buck his hips, fucking your thighs until he's cumming all over your clothed breasts.

"Fuck, come here"he pulls you up and kisses you, your arm wrapping around his neck and he moans into the kiss before he's pushing you on the floor as he hears the door opening.

He gets on the floor as well and grabs some wipes , pretending to clean something on the floor but it's only the janitor.

"Just here for trash"the old lady said and he pulls you onto your hands and knees, you look back at him and cover your mouth as he pushes his cock back into you.

"You feel amazing"he whispered to you once he leans over you and turns your head so that you could kiss his lips.

"Did you make a mess again? Want me to clean it?"the woman asked and seonghwa perks up at that, lifting his head to look at her.

"No gloria, I can clean it up myself. Go on home and get some rest"he said as he starts to thrust into you faster but not completely, careful not to make any noise.

"It's my job mr park"she insisted but he gives her a look.

"And it's my job to make sure you're taking care of yourself, I can handle one mess for the day"he assures her, you being the mess he's handling and he could very much handle it on his own.

Actually he preferred it.

"Okay fine, have a good day sir"she gives in and he waves to her, the ever polite man he is even when he's about to be balls deep inside of you as soon as she leaves.

"You too"he called out, leaning over you and grabbing your hair before pulling your head back.

"Are you having a good day, love?"he asked you, allowing his hips to slap against your ass and make that melody he loves to hear come from your lips.

"The best"you moan and he brings a hand down to rub your clit, you moaned again.

"Oh fuck, gonna cum"you cried out and hid your face on his neck, bucking your hips against his hand.

"Cum with me"he groans softly, grabbing your arms and pounding his cock into you quickly.

It only takes a few more thrusts for the both of you to cum together, heavy pants are all that fills the room now and he pulls out of you as he hears you whimper at the feeling of his cum slipping out of you.

"Mr Park"he grabs a wet wipes and wipes you clean , before tossing it into the trash and pulling you up onto your feet.

"Yes pretty girl?"he asked and you blushed at the nickname, grabbing your shirt from him and pulling it on as he helps you put on your underwear.

"I'm sorry for storming out earlier"you said and he looks at you, the softness in his eyes returning and he smiled.

"You're forgiven"he said and helped you pull on your pants as well before turning around and putting on his own clothes.

He turned to you after a moment once he realized you weren't moving, just zoned out.

"What is it?"he asked, genuinely concerned.

Something was obviously on your mind.

"Nothing"you dismiss it and turned your attention to the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow"he said and you looked at him, nodding your head at him.

"Okay"you said and he pulled you close once more, leaving a kiss upon your lips before pulling away.

"Go"he said and you bit your bottom lip before leaving out of the door, closing it behind you and walking to your room to take a shower.

Maybe you'd like it there after all.

#ateez smut #seonghwa smut

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enchantedchocolatebars · 5 months

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Fic Request: Luz, Amity, Hunter, Willow and Gus find a scared, crying little kid Philip alone in the abandoned Wittebane House.

Two Little Angels (Based on this au fic)

During their return to Luz's house after their group outing, the Hexsquad were immediately alerted by sobs that rang through the atmosphere.

The crying was loud, intense, and sounded all too familiar.

Due to the tone, the teens were able to determine that the cries were being uttered by a child.

A small child.

Luz let out a gasp, her eyes widening.

"Come on!" She quickly said to her friends, gesturing for them to follow her as the group took off sprinting in the direction of the wailing, which was emanating from the old abandoned house.

When the group entered the small, run-down structure, their hearts all ached at the sad sight that they saw.

Tears were streaming down Little Philip's face as he was seen crying in the corner alone, curled up in a ball.

"Oh no," Hunter whispered to himself, being the first one to approach the smaller boy.

He took a seat beside his technical brother and began speaking soothingly to him.

"Hey," Hunter softly greeted in a gentle voice as Philip quickly looked up and saw him.

His cries came to a slow end, but when Hunter opened his arms to offer him a hug, Philip started trembling and tearing up again.

"What's wrong, Philip?" He asked, rubbing the boy's back gently.

He accepted the offer to retreat into his half-brother's arms and be comforted.

"I-I saw," Philip confessed quietly in a tone that was both frightened and tearful.

"You saw?" Hunter softly repeated.

He was a bit confused as to what Philip meant by that.

Philip nodded with a sniffle before continuing. "I-I saw him. I saw the man. The man with the beard. I saw him. I saw what he did to you. He had a knife. He..."

His voice trembled once more as he almost choked on his words.

"He hurt you. He hurt you really badly. You were bleeding," Philip revealed to Hunter before bursting into tears again, crying on the older boy's shoulder.

The young boy was acquiring some of Belos's memories and experiencing flashbacks of them.

Hunter was shocked to hear all of this, but the blonde managed to remain calm.

"Hey, it's okay. I won't allow that bad man to hurt me," he assured Philip despite not having any knowledge of who this mysterious man was.

Philip sniffled as his cries came to a close.

The small smile at his strong half-brother faded to a look of worry when an unpleasant thought crept into his mind.

"But what if the scary man comes after me?" He asked innocently.

"I won't let that happen either," Hunter told him, pressing his forehead against Philip's lightly. "I'm here."

"I'm here too, little guy," Gus softly said, walking over to sit beside Philip to demonstrate his support.

The young illusionist was aware that the bearded man was actually Philip as an adult from his experience in Belos's mind, but he chose not to reveal that information to Kid Philip to avoid further traumatizing the boy.

"Me three," Willow smiled, taking a seat next to Gus.

Amity showed her solidarity by sitting down next to Hunter and smiling.

Luz was the last to walk over to the group as she lowered herself to Philip's level and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Don't forget to stay strong, little dude." She smiled a soothing smile at him.

"You're family now."

Family?

Philip was surprised to hear those words.

"I'm... your family?" He quietly questioned, blinking out a single tear that glided down his cheek.

Luz answered with a nod, carefully wiping away said tear.

"Aww, this calls for a group hug," Willow beams as everyone happily embraces each other, including Philip in the big hug.

His blue eyes were so warm as he accepted their affection and acceptance of him into their found family.

After the hug, everyone stood up. "Come on," Hunter said, offering a hand to help Little Philip up, which he gladly took. "Let's get you back to Luz's house. I'll get you a glass of water once we're inside."

"Oh, would it be feasible for my new friend to come along with us?" Philip inquired, his blue eyes now brimming with excitement instead of tears.

"Your new friend?" The blonde asked, bewildered by the question.

Suddenly, an opossum drops down from the ceiling and lands on Philip's head.

It emits a hiss, but Philip doesn't seem to be bothered by this as he continues to smile.

However, Hunter lets out a small squeak, his eyes locked on the rodent and overflowing with panic.

"There you are!" Philip beamed, bringing a hand up to pet his friend.

"Aww, Little Angel!" Luz gushed sweetly as she recognized the opossum, clasping her hands together.

Philip took note of Hunter's expression.

"Don't worry, he's really friendly and doesn't bite..." Philip paused. "...Sometimes..." The brunette would admit with a small giggle.

"Is that so..." A shaky Hunter mumbled.

Philip nodded. "Mm-hm! So can he come with us?"

Philip's blue eyes sparkled pleadingly, and Hunter knew he was hoping for a yes.

He sighed. "Fine, he can come."

"Yay!" Philip cheered.

"HISSSS!" went Little Angel.

"He said 'yay' too," the small boy translated with a chuckle.

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seangelfish · 11 months

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Childhood friends

Yuzuru Fushimi & Ibara Saegusa x Platonic! Reader

Genre/s: Fluff (and a bit of angst)

Word count: 1,728

Plot/summary: You're childhood friends with both Yuzuru Fushimi and Ibara Saegusa in which you have a story with both of them. However, you became rather distant with Yuzuru due to his butler duties at the Himemiya residence, but you try not to hold a grudge as you still loved being his friend. Thankfully, Ibara was there for you, and you have always appreciated his help and company. They were your closest friends, so it was time to hang out with them both!

Honestly, it’s kind of weird. You have met Yuzuru first, when you two were both very young, before he went into the military and before he decided to become Tori’s full-time butler. It was an odd encounter especially since his family were strict with everything he did. He came from a family of higher class too.

Ibara, however, was a different story. After Yuzuru informed you of him joining a military training camp which was enforced by his parents, he would send you letters of how well he was putting up. In those letters, he would write about Ibara, even if they were short sentences. The relationship he had with Ibara at the time was ‘quite wholesome’ as you would say, but when Yuzuru’s last letter was sent to you, you realised that their friendship really didn’t last too long.

When Yuzuru’s military training camp came to an end, he had finally become a servant for the Himemiyas. That meant he didn’t have that much time to hang out with you as you used to. It broke your heart, but it couldn’t be helped. However, he would always try to make time for you even if that time was spent at Tori's home.

"Is (Y/N) coming over today?!" Tori would ask Yuzuru in excitement. The pink-haired boy had grown fond of you every time you visited, but in exchange, you had mixed feelings. So, this was the boy that took your best friend away from you? Seriously? You tried to hide those feelings, but of course, Yuzuru read you like a book and even scolded you for it.

"(Y/N), are you jealous?" he asked you one day, pouring you a cup of tea and setting down a plate of pastries in front of you.

You smiled at him. "Yes," you confessed. "I know I shouldn't be jealous though, after all, I don't own you – Tori does."

Yuzuru sighed at your answer. You were always so blunt with him, but he appreciated how honest you were sometimes. You picked up one of the pastries and took a bite. Mmm, that tastes nice, you thought. Does Yuzuru bake these himself?

"(Y/N)..." Yuzuru started. "I'm sorry, but–"

"This is what you chose, I know," you interrupted. "I should support my friend, but I just can't help feeling... I don't know... betrayed?"

Yuzuru fell silent and so did you.

After a few seconds, you mumbled an apology. He smiled at you softly, pinching your cheek. He understood your feelings all too well as Ibara was the same.

And that’s when you met Ibara. Before Yuzuru devoted his whole life to the Himemiyas, he pleaded that you befriend his friend from the camp. He gave you specific instructions and everything in order to find this Ibara character you’ve only known in his letters.

“You must really care about him,” you commented, drinking your tea slowly.

“I do regret leaving him there by himself,” Yuzuru admitted. “So, please take care of him for me. I know he resents me now.”

You obliged yet befriending Ibara was hard work. He would NOT open up. After the training camp, Ibara had tried to work his way up, rebuilding all of the Godfather’s abandoned businesses.

“Oh, I’m also taking business courses,” you stated happily, hoping that this relation would bring you closer to him.

Ibara shrugged it off. “So?” he said. “You won’t be able to help me with the basic knowledge you acquire from those little lessons.”

You just wanted to slap him. However, you could understand why he acted this way. Yuzuru did give you half of his backstory…

You kept trying and trying. You would wake up everyday happy and energised in hopes Ibara would finally accept you. He would find you annoying for a bit, but he did really appreciate your help. Though, he did keep an eye on you. What did you want from him anyway? Money? If that was what you wanted, he’d give it to you for you to finally leave.

But you never left, and you never took any money from him. That was when he realised that you weren’t using him at all.

“(Y/N),” he said, eyeing you on your laptop, calculating some random income statement he wanted you to do. “Thank you for everything, I’m serious.”

You looked up from your laptop, confused. Though, when you noticed his smile linger on you, you couldn't help but smile too.

“Have you finally accepted me as your friend?” you chirped.

He nodded and muttered, “My best friend.”

What he didn’t know was that you were best friends with Yuzuru too, but that’s a whole ‘nother story for him to dissect.

Present Day...

Tori looked through the whole school for you, but when he found you in the gardens enjoying a cup of tea, he began to beg.

“(Y/N)!” he whined. “Can you please do me a favour? I’ll pay you back!”

He gripped your leg with pleading eyes.

You sighed. “What is it now, Tori?”

“Well… the first years are going off on a two day trip, and uh… I want you to keep an eye on Yuzuru,” he said quickly.

“Yuzuru?”

“Yes, can you PLEASE do it?”

Maybe you’ve been spending too much time with Ibara lately, but a portion of you found Tori annoying. Of course, you loved him, he was sweet to you, and was cute! But this was the person that took Yuzuru away from you, and you just didn’t like that. You could never admit this though. You’ll take those thoughts to your grave.

“I don’t understand, why would I need to—”

Before you could finish your sentence, Yuzuru dashed in.

“Young Master, I was looking everywhere for you! You had forgotten your lunch,” Yuzuru exclaimed. “You need to eat it.”

Tori groaned, “Ugh, fine.”

Yuzuru caught your eye and said, “(Y/N), hello. How are you today?”

You smiled sadly, and this immediately took him aback.

“I’m fine,” you responded. “Tori, I’ll take care of Yuzuru.”

“What, really?! Thank you!”

Tori jumped onto you for a hug, telling you that ‘you’re the best’ multiple times. Yuzuru, who hated when Anzu would get attention from Tori, smiled at this display of affection. However, he didn’t understand what the two of you were talking about.

On the day of the trip, you finally realised why Tori wanted you to take care of Yuzuru. Yuzuru had been frantically bringing Tori stuff that he ‘needed’ for the trip, giving him his best advice, and telling him to keep safe.

“What would the Young Master do without me?!” Yuzuru would say, and you would roll your eyes at how dramatic he was being. “I’m just so worried!”

“I now realise why Ibara hates you,” you commented. “Come on, lighten up. Tori will be fine. Plus, we can finally hang out as friends now. We have two days free together!”

Yuzuru stopped and looked at you. You didn’t hate him? Well, you did greet him with a hug when he transferred to Yumenosaki, but you definitely were different from the last time he saw you. He did leave you behind like he did with Ibara after all.

“Today, we shall go to a themed cafe!” you exclaimed, grabbing his hand and twirling yourself around.

He laughed at this and he just couldn’t help but to twirl you around a second time.

“Why is HE here?” they both said simultaneously.

Situated on a circular table from left to right was Ibara, you and Yuzuru. You simply grinned in response.

“(Y/N), I thought it was a day for us two?" Yuzuru queried, perplexed at his current predicament.

“I thought so too,” said Ibara. “Why would you bring him?”

“Well, both of you are my favourite people and I would like to spend the day with the two of you together. Plus… it’s my birthday, so you have to do whatever I say!”

“It’s not your birthday,” they both said at the same time.

You changed the subject quickly. “That’s so sweet, you guys remembered my actual birthday!” you cheered.

They looked at you with confusion, so you held both their hands in a way to plead them to stay.

“Let’s just enjoy this time together, okay?” you continued. “We’re all friends here, and I never really get to hang out with you two at the same time! This is exciting for me, you know?”

You had the biggest grin on your face and they just couldn’t let you down, so they reluctantly agreed to stay. You were their dearest friend after all, and they wouldn’t want to see you sad.

The platonic date wasn’t too bad. They kept it tamed when you were around, but when you needed to go to the bathroom, they immediately began hurling insults at each other. When you came back to find them acting like that, you smacked both of their heads.

“It’s like I’m babysitting you two,” you said with a sigh.

They looked offended at the statement.

“(Y/N), I think we’re both the ones babysitting you most of the time,” Yuzuru corrected, and surprisingly, Ibara agreed.

“We’re the ones helping you with your homework,” said Ibara. “And who got you into Yumenosaki in the first place?”

You smiled at them sheepishly. “Just so you know, I love you both,” you sang. “Ibara, Yuzuru, I really do appreciate you both with my entire heart.”

They smiled at this. Due to your presence, they finally had something they could agree upon: teasing you. So, with the rest of the platonic date, they would talk to each other about how an annoyance you were when you were young. Of course, they weren’t harsh about it, so they did leave you compliments here and there.

With that being said, you three even took a picture together. They saw how sweet the smile on your face was, and they hoped you could smile like that forever.

“Thank you for treating me today!” you exclaimed as you walked with them, arm in arm, down the bustling street.

“I actually enjoyed it,” hummed Yuzuru.

“Hmm, so did I,” admitted Ibara. “But I’d rather not do it again.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you said as you tried to swing yourself with their arms wrapped into yours, like a little kid whose swinging by their parents’ hands.

Even so, you hoped you could do this with your childhood friends again.

Intro page | Ensemble Stars masterlist | Rules

#enstars #enstars x reader #ensemble stars #ensemble stars x reader #yuzuru fushimi x reader #ibara saegusa x reader #platonic reader #x reader #x reader fanfics #fanfic #enstars fanfics #ensemble stars fanfics

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spielcave · 6 months

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God of War Valhalla DLC (Aka, 'Kratos and Mimir go on a bro trip that ends up being Therapy')

Just wanted to start by saying thank whatever is out there for Santa Monica Studios, for their phenomenal work into giving Kratos some much needed development and exploring his complexity. I'll explore this game in subsequent posts and maybe any suggestions you're welcome to shoot my way.

Spoilers ahead!

I think it's a testament to how beloved the Norse games have been through the amount of cheering the second Kratos came on the screen during the reveal trailer for Valhalla, Mimir in tow. After rewatching the "Raising Kratos" Documentary on YT, I know the team at Santa Monica Studios really feel the love from their fans. If they intend to make a game about Kratos going to another mythology, I really hope Mimir is with him. It's clear they've gotten very close between 2018 and Ragnarök with how at ease and personal they get, especially since I'm pretty sure if Kratos left him with Freya, she's likely to 'misplace' him in the Lake of Nine. I found the different difficulty settings interesting when you first chose Valhalla at the main menu. I started on the 3rd (the very middle) and am currently working my up when I feel it's getting to hard. Right now I'm at the one right before "Show Me Mastery" (the names escape me lol). I'm not expert at Rogue-Likes, but the consensus I seem to see is that the gameplay of God of War really lends itself well to the style of game. And what a genius way to utilize what was previously, I felt, an underused character, Tyr! Even when you free him in Niflheim, I feel I was waiting for him to do more outside the post-story interactions you get to get glimpses to his character (and potentially hint and later games). Him being Kratos' therapist is really demonstrates how similar they both are, how strong Tyr is, and what we can hopefully see Kratos grow into moving forward. As someone who recently started therapy around the same time as this DLC came out, I couldn't help but feel connected to Kratos myself. Especially Mimir. I, too, have been trying to improve from someone I wasn't proud of and as a result I'm too hard on myself sometimes. It limits me from achieving personal acceptance, like I don't deserve the good things in my life. What this game puts Kratos (and myself by proxy) through, is how to accept his actions, his mistakes. To acknowledge who we were and to not let it stop us from embracing the chances to do better. Now, you don't have to have killed entire pantheons, your family, and plunge a society into destruction with mountains of innocent lives at your feet... but I think we can agree that kind of message resonates. The scene where he sees his younger self in that throne just HITS. Kratos admonishes his past self for doing such awful things and being such an awful person... but also accepting him/himself to be more complex than that, he always has been. In a way, it sticks it to the people who said (prior to the 2018 game) that God of War is just about over the top violence, blood, tits, gore, more blood is missing the forest for the trees. They're big trees, sure, but not the whole forest. There was always more to Kratos that violence and the hack and slash genre, dude is a massive greek tragedy. And in Norse, he's putting Hero's Journeys like he was born for it.

The side conversations with Mimir hit me the hardest, grappling with your own self esteem when you feel you aren't enough for our loved ones, hearing about he and Sigrun first met, how utter in love he was with her throughout the last two games and here. It strikes a familiar cord... which is why I'm so glad he was able to let go so she can find herself in the end and the support he has from Kratos. We talk about all the time how the wise and loving decision is usually to let go (as it is!), but I think it must be said how hard it can be. It's the right choice, ultimately, but damn if isn't difficult to actually get there. I think my take away has been more of an affirmation that letting go is what I need to do, and the way to help ease the transition is to make sure I have a support system and learn to love time with myself in order to value my own merits, even if I have shortcomings. "Does she not deserve the smartest man alive?" CHILLS On a less serious note, it's good to see Freya out and about! Finding her freedom and stepping up as a leader for the 9 realms. It's good to see that post story, she does care about the both of them. Maybe they parted ways for a bit as Freya takes a more public role in organizing her council, but their journeys (which we can assume all side objectives you can do with her are canon) brought more than a professional connection. Like,

(sorry for shit quality) Totally gives off "Wife found Husband doing something reckless/stupid" vibes. And I'll admit, I am like... 85% if not 90% on the Kraya/Freytos/Warflower train. Baldur's death really does weigh on my mind when I think about Freya and Kratos as a pairing. And I do also like the idea of them being good friends as time goes on. Not to mention Kratos likely still holds Faye close and Freya's last marriage was fuckin bonkers. But I still do like to see these grieving parents, comrades at arms, finding a home in each other, a connection that makes each one feel safe, real, and loved. Not without bumps in the road, but they'd make an awesome power couple. And the shameless smut, but it goes without saying. Oh and whatever reaction it would get from Atreus would be hilarious.

In the end, this DLC really leaves me wanting more, theorizing where the story goes from here. I see a lot of people throwing out ideas on what mythologies they go to next, who's our next playable character. I feel it's still gonna be Kratos, but I also feel it has to make sense to his story. He's become very developed in this DLC, when you have a character who becomes so developed, there is little room/reason to really keep telling their story, at least in a way that can translate to an action pact video game epic. The only thing I can think of for Kratos, is we get to see him follow through with his development. And that, my friends, is another post. Until then! I hope enjoyed my ramblings!

#writers on tumblr #gow #god of war #gow ragnarok #warflower #kratos #mimir #freya #not bad for a first post #review #really just me gushing lol #images are from google #I do not own them

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daisys-reality · 2 years

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ʀᴇᴀʟɪᴛʏ ꜱʜɪꜰᴛɪɴɢ

𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥��𝐬 𝐀𝐬 𝐀 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐈𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

This PAC is also for my reality shifters~ In this reading I will try to find out what you will struggle with in your life while being a reality shifter+ advice. You can read more than just one pile! This is just to make you aware of possible struggles, so that you can take measurements against it!

How to choose a picture: try to calm down, take deep breaths & use your intuition to select. Take you time and chose the picture you feel the most drawn to.

༣P𝔦𝔩𝔢 1

learning healthy self expression - healing past emotional wounds - creating balance - stop judging yourself harshly - closing old chapters (connections/habits…) - love your dark side - routine and dull work - headaches - weird habits and maybe trauma from your DR self

hello pile one~ for you, I feel like reality shifting will help a lot with self expression. You have so much inside you which you weren’t able to share with others in your past. In your childhood, you self expression was limited because of self limiting beliefs because of dominant/strict and oppressive people around you. Now, reality shifting gives you the boost and the chance to be yourself - to express your emotions freely, to show your creativity, sensuality and desire without shame. You will move into a very direct energy. I feel like you will change a lot but the thing is… that you will become a “version of yourself” that is closer to your true self than you’ve ever been in the past. But I feel like at first you will act a bit extreme… like setting someone free who has been captured for a long time, the desire will be strong and you might do things you wouldn’t normally do…but just for the experience. This will be a time of finding out who you are or rather who you really want to be. Over time, you will settle down a bit and ground yourself. You will turn everything upside-down - all your belief systems, mindset and habits - questioning them and revising them. I think you will turn out a bit more quirky and ‘weird’ so to speak but that’s just how you are and that’s totally fine <3 I feel like in the past you tried to fit in and restricted yourself to be approved by society/family. You will judge yourself a lot less. And I think you will even start doing stuff that shocks the people around you - on purpose… it’s feels like in act of revenge to the people who restricted you all this time and that’s what I mean with “extreme” - you do the exact opposite of what you’ve been told to do in your past - but that is not really ‘you’, it's something you’ll do to come to peace with your past self and to heal your emotional wounds and afterwards you will calm down again and settle down in your true self.

Also, I feel like you will struggle with balancing all parts of your life - including your other realities. You will neglect some parts and at the same time focus too much on other things. Self love will be a theme you have to work on - it’s true you have different sides to yourself and other people will judge you for them. That's why it’s important that you give yourself the love and the protection you need and long for.

You will become a free spirit who acts a bit reckless. But it’s like… you're like a child that learns self expression now - you’ll take baby steps, make mistakes from time to time and you’ll have to try again differently. Please be supportive of yourself - it’s a time to learn to judge yourself less and you will struggle with this from time to time. Deep down you have a child-like energy and you always forced yourself to seem mature. It’s almost like…you have to learn to be a child again - even if society doesn't like it.

Because you’ll change and your perspective of life will change, you will need to cut off some relationships/friendships/habits etc. You will struggle with trying to avoid this, but over time the clashes will become more and more prominent and you only strain yourself while trying to keep these connections alive. It seems you are quite stubborn lol.

Another problem will be that you still suffer from emotional insecurity which leads to coldness or dependence or bottled up feelings. You have to nurture yourself a whole lot. Show yourself more compassion especially to the ‘dark side’ of yourself.

I also think you will struggle with the material realm. I don’t mean being poor … in fact I see you becoming quite affluent and receiving many opportunities - starting a new life (you manifested it <3). But you struggle with dealing with money in a healthy way - you seem too lost in your head. You need to ground yourself more. It seems that trustworthiness, reliability and routine work will be required from you in your life. The work may seem dull, but they will pay off eventually. You must see all your tasks through to the end.

Other negative side effects through reality shifting seem to be random headaches and having to deal with weird habits that you formed in your DRs and that seem super random to the people in your CR. Also, I think there is a possibility that you even take on trauma from your DR self - you seem like someone who is easily affected by your surroundings. You might need to script that you don’t take on the trauma from your DRs. Please be safe.

Small reminder: You can script or manifest that these things won't happen and that you already learned how to deal with reality shifting in a healthy manner. Lot's of blessings to you!

-> check out my other pac readings

༣P𝔦𝔩𝔢 2

complete transformation of self - spiritual awakening - feeling a disconnect/losing feelings for people in your CR - connection within in your CR turning weird/awkward - endings - being cheated on/betrayed - learning to be still/holding back - struggling with the material realm/extreme abundance - neglecting your CR self - overworking your mind - burnout/weakening immune system - forgetfulness -

hello pile two~ I’m sorry but you guys will become even weirder to your CR surroundings lmao. I don’t know if you’ve been perceived as a weirdo before but experiences with reality shifting will make you even more unique and otherworldly. Honestly, this is great, I love weird people cuz they are usually the best people to hang around with. I see you as someone who is young at heart with an undying curiosity about life. You are the type of people who shine a light on the people around you - you open their minds - and this will even be more the case while being a reality shifter. Your presence will be contagious. But some people are not comfortable with the ‘higher truth’ you’re sharing and embodying and some will even block your energy. You will become more eccentric wanting to go to faraway lands, to expand your worldview while having a blast. You will be more and more enthusiastic and almost insane (from a normal person point of view). While being a reality shifter you will heal, forget and move on. Your CR won’t affect you that much anymore. You will transform and be open to change. You will renew yourself. You will lose yourself in your research. You will develop your ideas and explore them rigorously and yet also playfully. You will build a new mental foundation - in regards to how you will see this world - like a philosopher.You won’t fear any taboos anymore - there will be only curiosity left.

Honestly, it feels like you’re high 24/7 lmao. I think you will also experience a third eye chakra and crown chakra awakening. And those chakras will be a bit overactive at times which will lead to certain side effects. For the third eye chakra, you might get random visions or vivid dreams, start having a scarily accurate intuition and become more fearless in a way, there will be a sense that colors are brighter and your environment sharper which might overwhelm you at first and you might feel that you change on a fundamental level which you can’t really put into words. I also see chaotic behavior… For the crown chakra, I see you getting more detached - you might gravitate toward secluded moments - which also leads to you becoming more disconnected from friends and family. Your mind will become more calmer (less overthinking) and therefore the need to speak will reduce too. Life just won’t affect you as easily in a negative way. I also see you getting less hungry and you not wanting as much sleep as before.

The people around you (in your CR) will definitely notice the change. I’m not sure if you were a people pleaser or just more ‘needy’ in a way but this will stop. I see people not liking that you get more independant because they were so used to you depending on them and them having the upper hand. At the beginning there might be a lot of weird and awkward moments between the people you are close with right now. They will start treating you differently, I also see cheating or betrayal happening maybe from a friend you thought you were close with but it was actually a toxic connection you’ll realize you don’t really need them anymore. I see you losing feelings for some people and I see you ending certain connections and certain habits that didn’t serve you anymore. And even though it will be easier for you to close certain chapters, you might struggle at times a bit with feelings of regret (for ending a friendship etc) or dwelling in the past memories that were precious to you.

As I said before, you will feel less the need to communicate or to share your thoughts. You will be more still as you become more at peace with yourself. This will be weird to you at first. Because I think in the past you wanted to be understood by the people around you, you wanted approval and appreciation for who you are and for how you think which might have led to you often oversharing personal information/thoughts or being too ‘intense’ when you liked a person and wanted to get close to them - maybe you appeared ‘emotionally slutty’ in a way and this will stop completely. You will be more balanced and more moderate - there will be less excessive behavior. You will learn to be strong and silent - be still and allow the enemy to reveal themselves. It will be time to go into a battle against ignorance and cruelty - and to start holding people accountable. You will need to reflect more because if you think you are brave enough to face them (those people), you must also be brave enough to face yourself first.

The tremendous change in your CR might overwhelm you. There might be a sense of resistance or you feeling frustrated/angry in the face of it (the change) - don’t succumb to feeling powerless - because the opposite is true. The change is happening for the better. You need to shed your old skin (your old life that doesn't serve you anymore).

Idk if you are also in law of assumptions and manifesting but I also see that you guys get more wealthy/financially abundant in your CR. I get different messages here, so not all of them might be for you. For some of you, it might trigger family disputes because some people close to you might get jealous or envious OR you might have to step into a position of being a provider for your family which you are not used to OR it could also be that you are a bit overwhelmed with the amount of abundance you manifested and you need learn first how to handle so much money healthily - you know dealing with the material realm might not be one of your strong points and this might even be more the case after being so insanely spiritually enlightened.

Another big struggle will be being forgetful in your CR - like you forgetting to drink water or to remember certain dates especially if you shift often and for long periods of time - getting used to your daily CR life will always be a bit of a struggle in the first few hours/days after the shift.

As you feel so high on experiencing different stuff as a reality shifter, I also see you neglecting you CR self a bit. As I said before, you might eat and sleep less and kinda lose the connection to your physical body in your CR. You will overwork your mind a bit and it might lead to burnout or weakening of the immune system. I see you having to learn again to appreciate your physical body more. I mean … I know that your mind is powerful af but your body is your vessel in your CR - it’s like one of your tools! So please take care of it and don’t get lost too much in your head.

Small reminder: You can script or manifest that these things won't happen and that you already learned how to deal with reality shifting in a healthy manner. Lot's of blessings to you!

-> check out my other pac readings

༣P𝔦𝔩𝔢 3

oh dear… pile three, you guys are my problem children lmao. THis is the longest reading out of all three piles. I don’t want to put you down or anything, there is just a lot going in this reading here. Honestly, it’s a mess… and I think this is kinda a representation of your life as a reality shifter (in the beginning). I feel like you unconsciously have a victim mindset right now. Do you like suffering or experiencing pain??

Anyways, the energy I read is not set in stone, see this as me making you aware of the potential struggles and use this to take measurements against it! If you’re aware of it, you can change it. To be honest, I hope this reading opens your eyes….

First of all, regarding side effects from shifting, I see you guys seeing random things from your DR at times, often being (too) tired to function in your CR, neglecting your CR self, experiencing random dizziness and I also see your mental health suffering a bit - at least at the beginning of your life as a reality shifter.

Overall, I see you getting more rebellious, ruthless, even provaktive in your life/CR. I think there will be a theme of feeling unique or superior to others in your CR because ‘you're a reality shifter’. But honestlyyy, it feels like it comes from a place of loneliness/not being understood.

Even if you experience really cool and satisfying stuff in your DRs (because you scripted it), I see you being really unsatisfied with your CR life. Like there are still unresolved issues that even reality shifting won’t solve. You might have used reality shifting as a coping mechanism at first to escape your ‘shitty’ CR life. I see you comparing the life of your DRs with that of your CR - which increases the negativity within you. You will be too distracted by the unsatisfying side of your CR. You will reject your CR in a way, and therefore often feel out of place. I see a really critical mindset and perfectionism. You don’t realize or you don’t want to realize that your life is a reflection of your consciousness! You’re sometimes really stubborn. You will have to learn that your attitude to your life is the problem - too much judging and categorizing things in ‘good’ and ‘bad’.

I see you taking lot’s of risks and gambling with life/with the people of your CR (because of your overconfidence and superiority complex). You will also struggle with a negative view of love. You will get hurt because of the risks you take especially in your love life - when you’re in love your behavior seems to be a bit toxic but you love the highs of being in love or maybe the highs of being in a toxic relationship…? (That’s what I mean with a victim mentality and enjoying suffering.)

Because you start to become more ruthless and reckless with yourself and with the people around you, there will be a lot of struggles with the people in your life. You will need to be more aware of the consequences of your action (-> cause and effect). I see you lacking accountability, being dishonest - I mean you already seem pretty secretive and closed off but this will increase even more. You will be biased and as i said before, compare your CR with your DRs. You also will be indecisive in your CR and delaying or postponing making decisions for your life/CR.

Unhealthy materialism or financial struggles could be a theme that wears you down as well. You might want to overindulge in your CR as you do in your DRs but it doesn’t seem possible to you in your CR and that makes you feel that ‘this is unfair’ or something like that. You also seem to be the type to struggle with accepting help.

As you close off more, you will also get more lonely and I see you being impatient to get back to your DRs asap. Honestly, there seems to be a lot of emotional insecurity going on. You being cold or you bottling up your feelings, dependending too much on your DRs, not trusting others anymore especially your family members - ‘they won't understand me anyways’ - kind of mindset. I see you not letting others get close to you anymore which leads to heart ache, grief, feelings of separation or rejection. Your family or your close friends might start worrying about you but they are not sure how to approach you because they don’t really know what's going on.

Overall, reality shifting and the gap/difference between those realities might leave you feeling confused - like a lack of clarity and feelings of injustice and hostility towards others. You’re unhealthily focused on the lack within your CR - ‘there needs to be something more’- mindset. You’re being greedy and as I said your mental health will really suffer. You’ll get more moody and jealous for no reason. You persist in wanting to use your head over your heart but this makes everything worse! I mean you are dealing with reality shifting for god's sake why are you still persisting on using ‘human logic’!? You’ll be very unclear of your values and belief systems towards others and not really staying true to yourself- like your closing yourself off to your current reality… like almost hiding your real self. This creates a huge imbalance and lack of harmony and of course dysfunctional communication in your daily life in your CR. Gosh, I really want to get all of those limiting beliefs out of your head…It's like super frustrating…

I see your life being really chaotic and messy. But this happens for a reason. Funnily, I got the panther energy for you and the panther is the type to not stand seeing your growth or energy stagnate. Instead, it pounces into your life and causes all kinds of havoc… with the ultimate intention of bringing us toward a more fulfilling life. It’s unexpected, uncomfortable and sometimes feels devastating, but after all the dust clears it’s easy to see the panther's wisdom at work. Those experiences will lead you to a brighter place. You need to get rid of all your self-destructive habits. This will be like an annihilation of all the unnecessary stuff in your CR - like a purging. And that’s why it will feel very intense. You seem to be a very stubborn individual who more often than not rejects ‘change’ and because of that the universe has to use force on you to get you back on track. You struggle with surrendering, and that leads you to feeling stuck in your life/3D. You need to learn to look at things from a different perspective to bring balance into your life. Don’t reject the people that are close to you - if you want to be understood, you need to communicate. Don’t dwell in state of lack or self-pity. You are more powerful than that.

You need to allow yourself more kindness and you need to be more in a state of ’perfect’ acceptance - accept everyone and everything as it is, move on and work on your attitude. Be tranquil, merge deeply with the essence of oneness and acceptance. There is a saying ‘When you give up being a perfectionist, life is suddenly perfect.’ and this reminds me of the concept of the law of assumption.

Being a perfectionist, you criticize your 3D (CR) and want to change it forcefully, but this doesn't make sense from a law of assumption POV. Because they say that your 4D is your only real reality and the 3D is only a reflection of your consciousness as of now. - There is no need to try to change the 3D, you must first change the 4D (your assumption of your 3D/your attitude of the 3D) to induce change in your 3D.

The advice here is that you need to learn that you really deserve better circumstances, now is the time to manifest indulgence, opulence, comfort and self sufficiency in your life. Build up trust in yourself and genuine confidence. Practice patience and be more practical about your needs and desires. Release your resistance to change and your need for perfectionism. Start making your dreams a reality or rather make your dream life come true! Approach this in a pragmatic manner and keep your feet on the ground. Think about how your dream life (in your CR) should look like and commit to this new version! And regarding you being closed off to your CR life, consider meditating on your current situation for clarity but don’t ignore the things(/people) in front of you that may help you! Learn to accept help, life doesn’t need to be hard and you don’t need to suffer through it alone.Look inward, listen to your inner voice, access the unconscious - you have all you need within you.

Small reminder: You can script or manifest that these things won't happen and that you already learned how to deal with reality shifting in a healthy manner. Lot's of blessings to you!

-> check out my other pac readings

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baura-bear · 10 months

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MAURA MAURA MAURA hiii :333 how are you how's stuff going!!! popping in to check in on you. hope you're feeling better bc i know you had a tougher time lately!!

and im here to dump my trans4trans javid tthoughts here. ok so i once read a really nice fanfic that portrayed david as presenting as a boy first to get a job as a newsboy after mayer's injury (i imagine they didn't take in girls or at least not too eagerly) and it was the first time he ever felt good and like truly himself. plus the name he chose . david. it was powerful and had significance as he was a Jewish person and like. obviously he felt so great!! and he also binded. though he was so anxious that the newsies would see that he isn't a "real" boy (obviously only using such wording to like. illustrate david's thoughts) but they didn't!! and david was welcomed and obviously there was also jack. and they were pretty infatuated right from the start. ok now just wanted to make clear that im just sharing my thoughts now. as for jack's transness i think the guys at the lodge all know? they've known jack for so long and he's their friend and he definitely trusts them a lot and obviously they support him! he's their guy!!! he's jack!!!! but they also obviously don't tell anyone that jack is trans. jack doesn't tell either. but as i was saying. jack and dave connect immediately and they get pretty enamored right away, and everyone could see that as well. and i imagine the first time jack learned that david is trans was when he had the talk with pulitzer... and pulitzer obviously disclosed some pretty personal information about david (his deadname) along with threatening to hurt his family if jack didn't comply. and since then jack knew obviously, and i think that only made him fall harder because. what are the odds that the guy you're in love with is *like you* in such a deep way? that he'll be able to understand you? that he'll take you seriously and you won't have to worry about not being perceived as a real guy? and after the strike when jack came back and everything was okay again. they definitely got closer and closer until eventually the inevitable Thing happened. a kiss probably or just a touch that was so unmistakably tender that they couldn't ignore their feelings any longer. and jack, before saying that he's in love, says that he knows david is trans. david literally gets paler than a sheet of paper and panics and wants to start apologizing but then jack quickly cuts him off with "no, dave, me-- me too! it's okay!" and then it sinks in for david and he's also so overwhelmed but in a good way and he can't help but just laugh and probably stim a bit because he's delighted for the same reason that jack is!!! and they definitely confess their feelings and they're so so very happy together. two boys in love :-)

DAVE DAVE DAVE!!!!! HI!!! Thank you for checking in :))) I’m alright! School starts soon so I’m a little nervy but I’m ok. I hope you’re doing well!!!!!

I HAVE DEFINITELY READ PART OF THIS FIC BEFORE (idk if I finished it but I remember loving it)

The the part about Jack finding out about Dave in Pulitzers office. Like,,, he realizes how much more danger David is in than he initially thought. And like it completely changes Jack and Snyder’s dynamic and why Snyder is so obsessed with catching this boy and how brutal his time in the Refuge might have been

And,,, David finding out that Jack knows. His entire world falls out from beneath him and he thinks this is just another person that he drove away because he doesn’t know how to be normal but the second he realizes Jack is safe he probably cries through laughter because what the fuck what a roller coaster of emotions to go on. And they just hug each other for a really long time and David probably says something about thinking he was the only one. And Jack’s like “oh boy have I got a surprise for you” because there are so many trans newsies (because I said so)

Also it makes David so happy to hear Les happily running around telling everyone that David is his older brother :’)

t4t Javid is the only Javid I love them sm

#david jacobs #jack kelly #Javid #asks

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purplesaline · 1 year

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Trigger warning for medically assisted death

I learned something today. As a Canadian I'm incredibly lucky that we have access to MAID (medical assistance in dying). Not to say it doesn't have it's issues, which it does and I have no problem being very loud about those issues, but when you have a family member suffering from terminal cancer and they've exhausted all possible treatments that have a chance if prolonging their life those issues don't really come into play. That's not what I learned by the way, just a little bit of background.

What I learned is that gathering to be with your loved one while they die is very similar to a funeral. In fact, for me at least, it's more effective than a funeral.

Funerals are supposed to be a way to allow people to say goodbye to someone who has died, to get closure. More often than not there wasn't a chance to do that before the person died. It allows you to get together and remember the person and grieve, and for a lot of people that works really well. It's never really helped me much though. Between my ADHD "Now" and "Not Now" time blindness and object stasis (it's not really onject impermanence bit that's a discussion for another time), and my belief that there is no after life, we just.. end, a funeral doesn't provide me any of that closure it seems to for most people. The only thing a funeral does is cause me pain because I'm overwhelmed by seeing so many people emotionally hurting.

But gathering as a family today with my mom, getting to say goodbye to her and have her say goodbye to us, having the support of other people who loved her as much as I did while we watched her fall asleep and then stop breathing, and then going back to the house with everyone to eat and help each other co-regulate? That was as much closure as I think my weirdly wired brain is ever going to be able to get.

I don't have much experience with death. The only two people in my life who have died were very old (80+), so I didn't know how I would handle being there today. I thought it might be too hard, seeing everyone be so sad. I wasn't worried about my own grief, I long ago accepted this outcome and I'm very happy she had the option to die with dignity and go out on her own terms, but I was worried about how I'd cope with other people's grief.

It wasn't hard though, it was quite the opposite. It was one of the easiest things I've ever done. I think a large part of that was that no one was uncomfortable seeing other people upset (like they usually are), and we were all really happy for her and grateful so there was no resentment or denial, just sadness and relief.

Actually I take that back. Lance was very distressed to see so many people upset and not be able to fix it. I had him in his vest for the first time in years (mom was in the hospital and I didn't want to leave Lance in the car case while I could have managed without him it was so much easier with him there. I took a couple of decompression breaks and we went and visited some of the other patients which always makes me happy).

But other than Lance no one else was uncomfortable and it was really just an incredibly cathartic experience and I'm really glad I chose to go (mom gave us the option. She said she'd like us there but it was okay if we didn't want to be). I knew I'd regret it down the line if I didn't go, and that instinct was spot on.

I'm sure that not everyone will find the experience as positive and healing as I did, but if you ever find yourself in the position to choose whether or not to be there with someone as they die and you're one the fence about it I hope this helps you make a more informed choice, whichever option ends up being the best one for you.

For me, this experience granted me a peace above and beyond my acceptance of her death that I wasn't expecting, and I'm really grateful for that. If I was a spiritual person I'd even say I was blessed.

I love you so much mom. You fought so hard and I'm so glad that your last moments got to be peaceful ones.

#the second to last thing she said to me #was that she was sorry I hadn't found my Cinderella #but that maybe I should be looking for a pinderella instead #(paraphrased cause my brain doesn't store memories well when I'm upset)#man those palliative care drugs are wild!#I *think* what dhe meant was that perfect doesn't exist #and I shouldn't hold out hoping for it to find me #it's okay mom #I'm not single because my standards are too high #I'm single because I'm not able to really leave my house #and other people's standards sail right over me l #lol #the last thing she said was that she loved me #and there was so much unspoken in those three words #so much she didn't know how to say in that moment #and all I could say back was that I loved her #because I didn't know how to give voice to everything I wanted say either #and it was perfect #and once my brain finally catches up thay she's really gone #and not just out of sight #I'm gonna miss her so much.#I wrote a song for her and played it for her #and she really liked it and said it made her want to go to sleep #so I played it on my phone's speaker for everyone while the doctor injected the drugs into the IV #and she went to sleep for the last time #It made it feel like more of a ritual I think #I know it helped me to listen to it instead of just silence #I wrote it to say goodbye to her #I'm so glad I got enough of it done that I could share it with her

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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It's been wonderful being able to talk about these things for me too! I haven't really had the opportunity since Y7 came out, so I'm positively buzzing. And no worries about the tone of your post about Daigo's article haha, I appreciate it when issues are pointed that I might've missed otherwise since that's at least something actionable.

But I'm obviously not going to stop anyone from venting frustrations with the wiki or with Fandom as a platform; I frequently find myself frustrated too! It's one of the things that keeps people editing the wiki. I'm honestly fine with whatever as long as it's not accusing us of being fujoshi for the billionth time lol, but for better or worse I do like to clarify what we're trying to do if there's any confusion.

Speaking of, Mine's relationship tags are kind of a funny story! So a lot of them have these dotted underlines and question marks, right? You're supposed to be able to hover over underlined terms to see a short definition (on desktop) and click the question mark to see an article with all the definitions on mobile, since hover actions aren't possible on a touchscreen.

But since the article was and still is under construction, Fandom doesn't show the link to logged-out users. So I had no idea it just looks like we're saying the tag is ambiguous lol. It's up now though, so it's hopefully easier to understand what we're trying to do!

I just found it funny I specifically added that feature to reduce confusion. Half the grief we get over Mine's "romantic interest" tag is because people assume we're saying it's mutual (we chose the term to try and avoid the "mutual" connotations of "love interest," but I guess that didn't work out). I also thought it might help with somewhat esoteric tags like "co-parent" (which was put in place for Jo and Arakawa and then I kept thinking of others) and "surrogate son." Turns out it's tough to boil complex relationships down to one term!

I definitely have SO many questions about New Year's Day and I probably always will; for the space of only one night, it's a huge blank. I certainly do have to wonder if shipping Masato off to America was decided then and there. There's a lot that could possibly be expanded on in RGGO (further interactions between Arakawa and Jo included lol), so I've got hope for that too now that we're back to random events. I'd be really interested to see how you'd portray it someday!

Talking about Nakai and Tsutsumi reminded me, Nakai mentioned he read the whole script in a day so he "wouldn't do a disservice to Arakawa or Sawashiro's characters." That kind of stuck out to me precisely because there are so few scenes between them compared to like, Arakawa and Ichi, and they're all relatively low-impact in comparison.

Of course, it could be marketing on account of him and Tsutsumi getting to co-star again, or the scenes could simply have stood out to him more for that reason, or he could've had a different impression of the ratios having read the script rather than played the game. But the part of me that makes me want to go Off The Deep End speculating is kind of wondering if there were other scenes planned?

And absolutely! I'm not able to reblog often because the post editor's been crashing whenever I try to tag my posts, but I hope you know I love your work and I'll support pretty much anything you put out! I'm very excited to share my findings as well.

A lot of it's to do with Mine's relationship to Western culture vs. Japanese culture (his "westabooism," basically), so that's specific to him, but there a lot of interesting concepts and theories in Japanese psychology regarding familial bonds, met and unmet emotional needs. They work as an explanation for his probable feelings of alienation from Japanese culture, but I feel they would make for an interesting lens to examine the Arakawas through as well.

I actually hadn't ever considered the similarity with regard to Mine and Jo's dads, but that makes so much sense! If I were to take it a step further, I think feelings of "abandonment" by their fathers have had long-lasting effects on both them and Masato. Jo we've been talking about, his father was technically still "there," but he wasn't in his corner, which feels much the same as abandonment to a child.

I think Mine's internalized a lot of the same feelings even though his father never meant to abandon him (I guess Jo's may not have, necessarily; alcoholism can destroy a family whether the individual wants that to happen or not). Like, unfairness, displacement, lack of control, the loss of the only support you have and so on. I think dwelling on that is what sent Mine's mental state spiraling, and what made it imperative to just believe Daigo was "dead" to try and move on as soon as possible. He didn't want to be hurt the same way again.

It's also probably what he was projecting in his ridiculous villain speech during The Orphanage Scene; the reason offering kids support in the way Kiryu does is a form of "victimization" in his eyes, at that moment, is because that support can be ripped away from you at any time. The scene is kind of hilarious to me because it's like, "okay we need Mine to have a kick-the-dog moment, his actions have been too understandable," but I do get it from that angle.

Similarly, I think those feelings of abandonment are why Arakawa faces the brunt of Aoki's abuse, because it's like, "YOUR negligence is why I had to go through all of that." So I get why Jo, like your sister, wouldn't want the finger pointed at him, but at the same time… damn. Perhaps if Arakawa had never had that talk with Masato, things might've been different. I get the impression he wouldn't be able to endure keeping things to himself for as long as Jo, though, given things like the letter he sent Ichi in prison.

Oh, yeah, Jo is CRAZY protective of Masato too! "If anything happens to him, killing you a thousand times would be insufficient!" I think part of his overreaction to having Masato's money is also that if Ichi can't listen to orders that fundamental, who's to say he listened to the orders to keep Masato safe? I guess if you see Ichiban as incompetent to the point of almost being a malicious actor, you might think that.

I'm sooo so glad you've noticed the rest of those similarities haha, I've been rotating them around in my brain like a cube for ages. A Venn diagram would be so fun to see! That's such an insightful look at the differences between Mine and Jo's offices too. I was a little confused about the placement of the social spaces, or even that they're there, but if you look at it as clearly separate from his personal spaces, it does make sense.

Also, not to harp on the books in the offices too much, but I compared the textures a little earlier. Mine's are basically all (very expensive) encyclopedias and language phrasebooks in English, Italian, French, and German, in contrast to Jo's discrete hardcovers and series of art history books. They're probably all stock assets lol, but I think they're surprisingly good fits; Mine dumping considerable time, money, and energy into his fascination with Western culture and Jo being the type to not want people to know what he's reading totally works for me.

But yes! It's kind of funny, because Yokoyama wasn't much of a Mine fan in his early days, but I hope he and the others keep on writing characters like him. I think of it as Mine's "legacy" in a series where past characters aren't acknowledged too often; the most I can recall are that Hakuho mention in 4 and the fencing around the Touto roof perimeter.

Speaking of, I love Mine's missed shots in the finale specifically because he's an excellent marksman in his Okinawa character story. Why? How? Who Knows, He's Perfect. (Probably not as good of a shot as Daigo though lol)

And yeahhh, there are other interviews, but it ain't the same! It was the most in-depth one I know of. I think this is one of the only remnants, and I shall entrust it to you.

But yes, exactly! And I'm also glad Y7 introduced more people to them (myself included), Tsutsumi's my favorite actor of all time and Nakai's brilliant. They make a great combi! Of the things I've seen where they co-star, I think Princess Toyotomi and Hero SP are both solid; the latter is a special for a longer show, but I honestly didn't even notice lol. Musashi I wasn't personally able to get through even though I've read the book, so I'm not sure how it plays out between them.

Also I DIDN'T KNOW TORU DIED IN PURE??? That came out of nowhere oh my god T___T But if you're ever looking for anything rare, feel free to ask! I might know a guy (gender neutral) with a stash, Fly, Daddy, Fly included.

OH MAN MINE'S WIKI ENTRY I've definitely made my opinions about it known, but now knowing the truth behind it it's kind of funny and still so unfortunate. I'd almost want to recommend a section dedicated to the topic since it's such an integral part of his character, though I also understand wanting to keep the wiki strictly to factual information and to exclude speculation (or "speculation" anyhow- it's definitely more of a concrete situation, especially going off of the information provided in your pinned post on the topic. If anything, that sort of information would belong to the "Trivia" tab wouldn't it- but again, it's such a deep situation it can't really be summarized in one or two sentences) and the topic being too niche to have a page dedicated to it. It's nice to know that the subject isn't trying to be brushed under the rug though and it's just a matter of awkward formatting/incomplete work!

Furthermore on The New Years Event, I would LOVE RGGO to expand on the topic since they've been so liberal with the stories they make and the depth those stories add to the characters. Honestly, I was expecting Masato's card to have that as its accompanying character story, so it's unfortunate that he doesn't get it or any story as far as I'm aware (or maybe he does have one and my poor pull luck has just prevented me from getting the card to find out myself, but I've looked as much as I could and couldn't find an upload of it). Oh well, I guess it's the old "if you want something done you gotta do it yourself-" not that anything I could make could ever be up to scratch, so I'm glad I do have people interested in what I have in mind :)

About Nakai, I wouldn't feel wrong trying to accredit his comment to a time before he knew the full plot or saw the full game and was just debriefed on the general story/character relationships, and I also wouldn't put it past RGG to have deleted scenes/ideas (if those do exist, RGG please let me in your vault I'd like to take a peak...)!

The psychology of Mine is another topic I've been wanting to officially tackle for a while now, so I'm glad I have this chance to share some of what I have mental bullet points for.

Moreover, Mine's dad and how he "left" Mine undeniably impacted him significantly beyond physically leaving him alone, and it definitely manifests in The Orphanage Scene and his idea that killing Daigo would be "putting him out of his misery". In those instances, he sees Daigo and the orphans as victims of an unfair reality, Daigo being comatose, and the orphans having the endure the struggles of being orphans (and that added-on, projected anxiety that their comfortable lives now could vanish at any second like it did for Mine). Mine's mustache-twirling villainy is funny for its absurdity, but I also genuinely appreciate it since it lets us peak into his warps philosophy better. It doesn't justify his actions by any means, but it explains to us why he can justify his actions as from a place of love or pity as opposed to thoughtless evil.

To add on, Mine's relationship with his father, from what we're allowed to gather, was healthy and positive. Because of their positive relationship, the removal of such adds credence as to why Mine's desperate to get that love again. It especially makes sense considering Japan's horrendous attitude and negligence towards orphaned children that was even demonstrated during Mine's childhood while his father was alive.

And as an inverse aside, Jo's relationship with his dad was toxic, whether it was due to blatant abuse or combined negligence. It's fair to assume that Jo never got to experience genuine, secure love growing up, so as a result, it's not something he actively seeks out. He's been without it long enough that it's not something he necessarily craves like Mine who used to have it until it was taken from him.

Masato certainly makes it clear he felt isolated despite the efforts Jo and Arakawa repeatedly went through for him, and it's apparent it's an unfortunate side affect of internalized ableism. It definitely doesn't help anyone's case that Masato had seemingly been informed of the night of his birthday's events (from Arakawa's point of view, obviously), and it's clear that knowledge gives ammunition as to why he resents him.

You're right on Jo potentially seeing Ichi as a bad actor, it's not as if he has disdain for him for no reason! Like even if Ichiban hadn't taken Masato's money the way Jo could have imagined, the idea that Ichi can't be responsible in one avenue can easily lead back to Ichi having the potential to look after Masato, especially when he seems to be the one who predominately looks after him when he's tasked to.

I've already got my program open to make my little chart and have my reference pictures ready, so hopefully I can have that silly thing out soon haha- I'm glad you're interested in seeing it, and I hope other people will like to see it too! Jo and Mine really are my favorite antagonists, so it's funny (and I guess not surprising) that they have parallels to them.

To add on to that though, I think it's fun to look at the extra details, no matter how small; I'm probably more happy than I should be that you looked at their office's books, but I can't help be a fan of the details you found (whether they're generic models or not, I'm running with them- I've done more with less before lmao)! Mine having language books is definitely in-line with his interests, but Jo having art history books is weirdly endearing (and dare I say another point for "these are the same picture" comparing it to Mine's own love for art). Jo being so private to the point of blocking out the binds of the books he owns is so accurate to him and his secrecy, and the concept that he likes to read about art in his spare time is a new favorite concept for me.

Mine really isn't acknowledged much after 4; in comparison to Ryuji and Nishiki, he's remembered throughout the series the least (you can argue the same for Ryuji, but considering he gets a whole new life in Dead Souls, I think it's fair to say that makes up for the mainline series forgetting about him. Though I guess the same could be Mine getting a prominent role as Hijikata in Ishin... Definitely not as cool of a spot as to be a playable protagonist with a machine gun arm if I'm honest). In that, it's great that his likelihood can exist in future characters, and I hope they continue the trend of phenomenal antagonists in LaD8 and onward!

I'm eternally grateful for this frame you've gifted me thank you so much- Nakai's smile is such a blessing honestly, I'm glad if anything survived from the interview it can be this shot at least.

I've got Princess Toyotomi and Hero SP added to my watch list, DEFINITELY something I'll be excited to check out as a reward once I have all my important business taken care of this week! Honestly, I haven't seen Musashi either: while I was looking through their filmography I saw it was a project they did, but I've always been bad at watching long series so I didn't take the time to see their performance together.

For things I have seen though... yeah he dies SORRY IF THAT WAS HOW YOU FOUND OUT </3</3 Honestly I didn't expect myself to love the series as much as I did (admittedly it was predominately because of the leads and their relationship), but when it happened I was both- dare I say crushed- a little humored a little funny in a dark-comedy way.

And if you do have access to harder-to-get films, I'd absolutely be interested in hearing about it. One of Nakai's movies Good Morning Show has been haunting me for weeks: it sounds like such a fun movie yet I can't find it anywhere </3

#long post #fave #i have to fave these now because i be putting my essay notes in these OOPSIE #snap chats #the state of the arakawas is probably one of my favorite things to explain to people BECAUSE its so complicated #i showed my sister the ending of Y7 despite her not knowing anything about the series since i was talking about how upset it made me #and i tried to explain the whole family situation since it was relevent #just... yeah so the guy in blue was put in a locker by his dad and then he got saved by another guy #and he did that because he thought the guy in blue was his kid- who is actually the guy in red #because /his/ mom put him in a locker because of yakuza business and she couldnt take care of him #but now dad-who-put-a-baby-in-a-locker came back so now he co-parents alongside the guy who took his baby #but theyre not together they just. raise 'their' kid but the other guy doesn't know that his co-parent is the /actual/ dad #i know i already made a parody of it but it genuinely has the set up to some goofy slice-of-life manga i love it ☠️☠️#its SO funny to try to explain its easy to understand if you put it down on paper or write it out but to verbally do it 😭☠️☠️#moving on tho i'd love to know more about that japanese psychology bit #im asian myself and tho obviously not all asian cultures are the same they overlap #so im curious to see if i can recognize any of the issues i notice in my own culture with that which can be applied to the arakawas + mine #the bit on his western idolization is something im interested in too ! esp based on the books in his office it could be an interestin topic #man i just keep looking at that interview picture and it really does have the energy of a proud dad and his son #maybe thats just because nakai's smile reminds me of my dads #but yes yes thank you again for writing it ! i know i keep saying it but i cant stress how nice it is to take this extensively #especially because not only do i learn a bit more and learn some details i missed but it also helps me expand my own thoughts #that i hope to make into bigger posts #on that note though i have one more quick post to make after this one then i have to tend to some of that Important Business..#and thank you for being a supporter of me and my work ! sometimes i get a bit self conscious about it #i know i post a lot too and i never expect people to interact with my things so im grateful for the knowledge you enjoy it !

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marshmallowprotection · 2 years

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I don't understand why people think Saeran was "magically cured" at the end of his route, I don't see it that way. Suit had a hard time coming to his senses and realizing everything that was wrong, MC made him see it and he stood up to Rika, he got the courage to escape from Mint Eye and he is still afraid but since MC is present and he is under the blue sky he loves so much, he feels what is the right path. I'm not saying he's cured but this is the first step towards his recovery and .... Hmm, Saeyoung and his father's situation doesn't give us time to calm down and go to therapy right away don't you think? hahaha. even in AE he still presents his fears (sure, he is not completely cured yet) but since he has MC's support he feels more confident! And I don't see it as dependence, you as MC give him that little push, in the end he has to do things by himself, he knows what he is doing (bad endings don't count because dah.... They are bad endings, something positive you are not going to find there).

Saeran makes the decisions that suit him, he's not dumb, he knows how to think for himself, he knows how to decide.... If you don't recognize that in him, you'll end up with a bad ending.

Even if you get to the good end of the AE, that doesn't tell you that's where it ends and they'll be happily ever after really. Saeran took his path to start his recovery process, he decided to forgive.

There will be a lot to do afterwards, he is aware that life has its downs but, everything will be better, now that he is with his real family.

(If only we had a route of several months and years in which we could see all of Saeran's progress so much better! Of course! But... That's something that can't happen in this game, right? )

He definitely isn't magically cured. I definitely don't like the sentiment that people like to put out there when they say that he is suddenly better when that is not the case.

There is a lot of evidence that shows that while he has made some positive growth, he still has a long way to go in the future to get to where he wants to be. There's a lot that I've talked about since his after ending came out due to the fact that a lot of people misunderstand what forgiveness is and what that means for him in particular. He chose forgiveness because he no longer wanted to be consumed by his anger and hatred.

By being able to look the people that hurt him in the eye, he was able to look inward to forgive himself for the things that he did to the player that he is still holding on to because he is not forgiven himself for those things. Even if you have forgiven him for those things, he's been holding on to it this entire time.

For him to make peace, he decides that the best thing that he can do to help himself is to choose forgiveness and to move forward in his life. He doesn't shame anybody for choosing differently and nobody shames him for choosing what he does. The same way that you're allowed to choose what you want in the game and nobody questions your choice for a minute because it is all your decision.

You can say this in the game where Rika herself tries to say that your relationship is dependent but it isn't. Because that is the biggest fear that Saeran has inside of his heart. He is dead silent when she says that to the two of you because he's afraid that that could be the case, but you stand by his side, you tell him and her that your relationship is built upon the foundation of trusting each other and working together.

Just because you are able to communicate and work together does not mean that you have an unhealthy dependency. Sure, it may not be perfect at this specific moment in time but it's on the path to being a lot better than it was back at the start when you first met Ray. You nudged him. You know, Suit Saeran says in Ray Route that your words never did reach him, it was the things that were happening to him, to you, and around him that forced him into seeing that this wasn’t right.

You didn’t force him or make him see that he needed help. He decided that by himself and made the choice to save you and Ray since that was the right thing to do. Same thing goes for GE Saeran. He decided to make a choice, sure, your kindness meant a lot to this situation, but he chose that for himself. He’s got a lot more independence than some people want to claim. Sure, his recovery has just started and it’s not going to be easy, but he’s willing to work on himself.

The first step to finding peace is working on yourself and accepting you need help.

Mystic Messenger is written in such a way that everything has to be run at a certain speed that may not be realistic to reality. They have to pack so much into 11 days and even if it's not perfect, they managed to make a cohesive story that comes together.

When I am writing for this media I tend to stretch things out over a couple of months to make it make more sense in my head, but you're allowed to have a suspension of reality in a video game like this. It's okay that it's not realistic, it's a video game. For what they did, and for what it's worth, it is a fun representation of what can happen over an extended period. At the end of the day, it's a video game and there's going to be a little bit of fudging when it comes to if something makes sense or not.

It may not be perfect, and that's okay. People are allowed to be constructive when it comes to their consumption of the media but nobody should be nagging on anybody for feeling a different way. It's important to cultivate your experience and make sure that you're having fun instead of feeling like your cornered in an area you don't want to be in.

I get really of people not understanding why he did what he did or misconstruing it in such a way that it doesn't go along with what's actually happening. For the most part, I just avoid and don't bother with anybody who write pieces like that because it does nothing for me and I'm just here to have fun. So, I think if it's bothering you that people aren't getting it or understand it, you should just disregard it and continue to consume the content that you enjoy. It saves so much headache.

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littlespoonevan · 3 years

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I've been thinking a lot about a scene Eddie calling Chris "our son" while talking with Buck or Chris calling Buck dad I want it to happen so bad Ciara! Do you think, maybe, if you're up for it, u can write something tiny??? It's okay if you can't! I love your writings so much! always feel like you get the essence of these characters!

anon, i'm so glad i saved your message until after 5x02 bc ooh boy does that ep make this even more meaningful!!! apologies for the delay but i really hope you like it! :')

“Our son is insisting he can’t turn the light off until he says goodnight to you again,” Eddie says, coming back into the living room. He rolls his eyes but it doesn’t stop the feeling of warmth that spreads through his chest when he thinks about Christopher’s wide eyes and not-so-innocent smile as he’d asked to talk to Buck one last time.

He drops back down into his spot on the couch, reaching for his beer and raising an eyebrow when Buck stays sat there, completely frozen.

“What’s wrong?” he frowns.

Buck blinks, seeming to rouse himself out of whatever daze he’s in and gives Eddie a wary look. “You just said ‘our son’.”

A ‘yeah, so?’is on the tip of Eddie’s tongue until his brain catches up with him and all of his thoughts promptly come to a screeching halt. Holy shit. Holy shit, he just called Christopher theirs. His mouth parts but nothing comes out and he stares at Buck as if he’ll somehow be able to explain how easily the words rolled off his tongue.

Buck bites the inside of his cheek, watching him anxiously before abruptly standing up from his seat. “I’m gonna say goodnight to him,” he says tentatively, like he’s afraid Eddie might kick him out instead. “I’ll uh- I’ll be right back.”

With that, he’s gone and Eddie listens to the sound of his socked feet padding down the hall, listens to the creak of Christopher’s bedroom door as Buck opens it again, listens to the soft hum of their voices and imagines Buck tucking Christopher in, smoothing his hair back and kissing his forehead like he always does.

It’s-

It’s a lot to digest at 9 o’clock on a Friday evening.

There is one thing though, one thing that’s surprisingly absent. Panic.

His hands aren’t trembling, his chest doesn’t feel tight, he’s breathing normally. He’s overwhelmed but he doesn’t think it’s for the same reasons as before.

Buck is back before he’s had a chance to come back to himself, sitting a careful distance away from Eddie on the couch. He’s watching him with a guarded sort of concentration, as if he’s looking for the signs of a panic attack he’d picked up on so easily before.

Finally, Eddie wets his lip, takes a breath and turns to him. “Why doesn’t that scare me?”

Buck starts, clearly not expecting a question. “What?”

“I- Buck, a store clerk called Ana Chris’ mom and I had to be rushed to hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack but I just said-“ he cuts off, brow furrowing as he tries to make sense of what he wants to say.

“It was a slip of the tongue, Eds. It’s not a big deal,” Buck tells him quietly but Eddie can see it hurts him to say it. The way his expression dims slightly, the slight downturn of his mouth, the resignation in his eyes.

And that’s not right either.

“No, but-“ He shakes his head, forcing himself to meet Buck’s eyes. “I already chose you,” he says lowly. “With the will, I chose you because- because you love him like I do and you hug him the same way I do and- and you took care of him when I was in hospital and nobody questioned that. You know his routine and you help him with his homework even if he’s better at math than both of us combined and you take him to the zoo and-“

He looks at Buck, feeling realisation crash over him in waves as Buck’s throat bobs and he seems to swallow down whatever emotion he’s trying not show on his face.

“I already chose you,” Eddie repeats – half a question, half a realisation because- “It wasn’t about the act of Shannon being replaced or not being ready for a new family. It was because I didn’t want that with Ana.”

It was because I wanted it with you.

Buck inhales a sharp intake of breath and the brief jerk of his head gives Eddie a quick view of the glassiness behind his eyes. “Is this- are you-“

He can’t seem to find the end of his question but Eddie nods anyway, shuffling a few inches closer until their knees bump. “Buck, you’ve supported me from the moment you met Chris. You’ve been my partner outside of work almost as long as you have inwork. I trust you with him so much I put it in writing. I’d be kidding myself if I said we weren’t raising him together by now.”

Buck’s expression breaks out into a brilliant, disbelieving smile almost at the exact same moment his tears finally spill over and Eddie doesn’t think about it when he pulls him in. It strikes him as he does it that it’s probably presumptuous to kiss Buck. All of this – even if Buck wants to consider Christopher his kid – it doesn’t mean Buck wants him.

But then their lips are meeting and Buck’s sighing into his mouth and cupping Eddie’s jaw like he doesn’t plan on ever letting go. For all that it’s a charged kiss, it’s a chaste one too. It’s a delicate press of lips that acts as a punctuation mark to everything Eddie’s just confessed. Or a postscript, maybe.

After a beat Buck pulls away, just enough to meet Eddie’s gaze and smooth his thumb across his cheekbone. “I didn’t just choose Chris. I didn’t just do all this for him. I chose you too. I always have.”

Something syrupy and soft dissolves inside of Eddie then and with it he melts against Buck, brushing their foreheads together.

Turns out following his heart and Christopher’s is easy when they both want the same thing.

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 #911fic #my fics #ok now i really need to go back to the s1 fic askdjhjah

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helloalycia · 3 years

Text

The Wrong Lifetime – Two // Wanda Maximoff

chapter one | story masterlist | main masterlist | wattpad | chapter three

author’s note: thank you so much for the feedback on chapter one, everyone! i really appreciate and I’m glad you’re excited for more. hope you enjoy :)

"What do you think of this one?"

I pulled a face, shaking my head. My brother sighed dramatically before moving along the display cabinet, searching for the perfect ring.

Just as he'd said at dinner the other night, we were browsing engagement rings for Wanda, and I was (obviously) hating every second of it. My parents thought it would be good to help Y/B/N whilst also getting me more involved in the whole wedding thing; and I couldn't exactly say no to them, so here I was, half interested in what we were doing.

"What if I can't find anything?" Y/B/N asked, chewing the inside of his cheek as he continued to look. "This is the third jewellers we've been to, Y/N."

Figuring it was time to actually make an effort and be a supportive sister, I rested a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "You'll find something," I told him confidently. "It just needs to come to you, y'know? She'll love anything you pick."

He smiled at me. "Thanks. I just don't want to disappoint her. The last thing I want to worry about is her hating the ring."

I chuckled, rounding the cabinet to get a look at a different display. "I doubt she'll hate any of this. Girls love jewellery. This is pretty good jewellery."

"Y/N, you hate jewellery," he pointed out with amusement, and I rolled my eyes playfully.

"I don't hate it," I defended. "I'm just not a fan of shopping for it."

He snickered as he continued to peruse the cabinets. "Well, Wanda seems to love it. D'you see how many rings she was wearing that night?"

I breathed out through my nose, definitely remembering. It was hard to forget when her ring-adorned fingers were brushing the top of my hand every few minutes. But obviously I wasn't going to say that to Y/B/N, so I hummed in response.

It went quiet as I tried to find a ring that would suffice. Rings weren't my taste, personally. I was more of a necklace person, so this was just as difficult for me as it was for Y/B/N. They all looked similar to me though, upon closer inspection, had different engravings and patterns in the gold and silver bands.

"So, what did you think of Wanda's brother?" Y/B/N asked, earning my attention.

He was smiling cheekily as he awaited a response.

"Pietro?" I asked with creased brows. He nodded and I continued, "He was nice, I guess. Has a sense of humour."

My brother gave me a knowing look as he looked at the glass display once again. "He's unmarried you know."

"No, thank you," I answered instantly, not particularly fond of discussing my potential marital future with my brother.

"Oh, don't be like that, Y/N," he said with a laugh. "I'm just looking out for you!"

I drummed my fingers on the cabinet top. "Well, I didn't ask you to. I'm perfectly content as I am."

Y/B/N cocked his head to the side as he glanced at me. "You know you can't stay unmarried forever." I opened my mouth to say something, but he was quick to continue. "And no, not because a woman should marry no matter what. But rather because you will most definitely give mum a heart attack."

I closed my mouth, trying to come up with a response, but my shoulders sank at the truth to his words. He half-smiled when he knew I knew he was right.

"I don't want to think about this now," I decided, waving my hand. "Ring. Look. Now."

He laughed again but nodded and stayed quiet. We both continued to have a look around until I was surprisingly certain that I'd found the perfect ring. There was a case filled with rings holding precious gemstones and a particular one stood out to me.

"Hey, Y/B/N, come here," I called him over, eyes never leaving the ring as I moved closer to inspect it. "What about this one?"

Pointing to the glass case, I chose an elegant silver band with a small, non-dominating emerald gemstone sat on top. It wasn't too flashy nor too plain and something told me that it might just be Wanda's taste.

"It'll match her eyes," I said, watching him as he leaned forward to get a better look. "She'll love it."

My brother seemed confused as he straightened up. "I thought her eyes were brown."

I rolled my eyes, taking a step back. "Fine, get a brown ring."

He tried not to laugh as he raised his hands with defeat. "Okay, okay, I believe you, no need for the sarcasm!" He proceeded to call the shopkeeper over to get the ring and glanced at me once more. "You're one hundred percent sure she's got green eyes?"

"Well, they're hazel, but this will definitely compliment them," I assured him, making him shrug as he looked back to the shopkeeper.

To my own dismay, I was certain her eyes were hazel. They were very inviting and the dinner the other night was evidence of that, as I found myself unable to look away whenever she found my gaze. Hopefully she'd like the ring, I guess.

—

The bothersome thing about my brother's engagement was just how many celebrations that followed. A week after the dinner came the engagement party, a celebratory evening with all of our family and friends and my brother's many admirers. The Maximoffs invited their friends, too, sadly not having any extended family to invite as it was only them here in England.

It was an expensive affair, but so was everything when it came to my brother. There was food, drinks, dancing, gifts and much more for the newly-engaged couple, and I once again found myself dressed in an uncomfortable dress of my mother's choice.

If that wasn't enough of a punishment, I was also reunited with my extended family whom only showed their faces on glamorous occasions such as this one. It's not that I didn't like them, but I felt like I rarely knew them, especially when they shared stories from when they used to see me as a baby and expected me to remember the memory like it was yesterday.

I found myself victim to yet another relative at the start of the evening. This time, it was one of my aunties from my father's side whom I vaguely recognised from my childhood. She'd found me by the snacks table where I was recovering from a previous encounter with a cousin of mine, and immediately began pulling my cheeks and reminiscing on how chubby and cute they were when I was – you guessed it – a baby.

"Auntie, I think that–"

"So grown up, but still so cute!" she gushed, cutting me off and proceeding to yank my cheeks so hard that they began to hurt.

I winced, trying to back away, but she dragged me closer by the face, making me groan with displeasure.

"Y/N, there you are!"

The only reason I knew it was Wanda who called for me was because of her Russian accent, otherwise I was still unable to turn and check because my auntie had me trapped. When Wanda came into sight, stopping by the two of us, my auntie finally let go, now distracted by the brunette. I exhaled gratefully, hands rubbing my cheeks to relieve the ache. I had no doubts they were red from the pinching. God, I hated family reunions.

"I'm very sorry to interrupt," Wanda apologised with an endearing smile as she looked to my auntie, "but please may I steal Y/N away from you for a moment?"

My auntie nodded enthusiastically. "Of course, dear! You're family now! Do whatever you like."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as she said that. Wanda flashed her a final smile before tugging me away, near some deserted high table.

"What did you need?" I asked, quirking a brow.

She was looking around the room when I asked her, before her eyes focused on me. Unlike me, she seemed very comfortable in this environment, and the dress she wore was perfect for her. A scarlet-coloured gown that put anybody else's clothes here to shame. Did she just look good in everything or something?

"I didn't actually need anything," she answered, licking her lips. "I just saw your auntie harassing you and figured you'd like the escape."

Surprised at her observant nature, I cleared my throat and relaxed my shoulders. "Oh, well thanks."

She smiled widely, teeth shining and eyes sparkling and I was now beginning to think she truly had no flaws.

"You look beautiful tonight by the way," she said, and there was nobody around to hear it which made me think she wasn't trying to kiss up like I'd assumed initially.

"Thanks," I returned with a small smile. "I– er– so do you. Is that your favourite colour?"

She was wearing a similar colour the first night we met, so I could only assume it was. Which was a good choice, since she looked good in it.

She glanced down at her dress and nodded. "Something like that."

I leaned on the table as I watched her curiously. "Shouldn't you be with Y/B/N?"

Looking back up, she grinned mischievously. "You trying to get rid of me already?"

Shaking my head, I tried to find the words to say that I wasn't and she'd misinterpreted, but she was doing that thing again where she wouldn't look away first, her eyes glowing with amusement. If I wasn't certain before today that her eyes were a bright hazel colour, I definitely was now.

"I'm kidding," she finally said, laughter spilling from her lips. It was a sweet sound and I suddenly envied my brother for being able to hear it whenever he pleased.

"I just thought that you would be together since it's your engagement party," I explained, a little more flustered than I'd wanted to be.

Her lips pressed together in a suppressed smile as she nodded behind me. I spun around, following her gaze, and spotted my brother across the room charming some guests with, no doubt, another epic tale of his career.

"He seems to be doing fine on his own, milaya," Wanda whispered into my ear, making me freeze at the warmth of her breath tickling my skin.

Shivers ran down my spine as she was close enough for her perfume to infiltrate my nose. Swallowing hard, trying not to be very much attracted to her accent when she spoke English but also Russian, I took a moment to breathe out and clear my head of thoughts containing the Maximoff woman. When I was sure I was okay, I craned my neck to speak to her, only to feel my mouth go dry.

She was stood very close to me still, a teasing smirk on her lips. Up close, her eyes were intoxicating, drawing me in and making me forget where we were and what we were talking about.

"Do I make you nervous, Y/N?" she asked quietly, feigning innocence, her accent thicker than usual.

My lips parted as I tried to say something, but her eyes were distracting and her lips were curved upwards perfectly and I suddenly forgot how to speak English.

She chuckled, stepping back slightly, and I wiped my sweaty palms on my dress as Wanda watched me with amusement.

"Your mother is calling you," she said, nodding behind me. And then I heard my mother indeed calling my name. "I'll leave you to it. Try not to fall victim to another family member."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, eyes falling to her mouth as she bit her lower lip to contain a smile. What was she getting out of this? Did she find joy in making me flustered or was she actually flirting right now? The latter couldn't be possible... she was going to marry my brother. This was her engagement party for crying out loud! She was definitely enjoying making me stumble over myself.

"Right," I spoke, finally finding my words.

With a quick nod, I looked away and followed the sound of my mother's voice. I was unsure why I felt the need to look over my shoulder, but when I did, I saw Wanda watching me still, eyes gleaming even with the distance. I looked away instantly, hoping this weird, flirtatious behaviour of hers would cease soon. I wasn't sure I could take anymore of it.

—

The evening was going well following Wanda's (what I was now calling) tormenting. I stuck to myself when my mother wasn't dragging me around, forcing me to mingle with family friends.

Tucked in the corner with a book I'd managed to sneak along was a good pastime, until halfway through the evening, everybody was brought to the front of the room for an announcement. I almost missed it if it weren't for Pietro finding me and trying not to laugh at my complete disconnect from the event around me.

"They're exchanging the rings," he told me, pulling me from my table and to the front. "Family's got to be there. Including you, Y/N."

I rushed to put my bookmark between my pages as he tugged me along, finally stopping by the front of the crowd alongside our mothers. Standing before everyone were our fathers and the engaged couple themselves, all smiling and putting on the perfect show.

"We are privileged to announce the engagement and union of my beloved daughter, Wanda Maximoff, and everybody's favourite author, Y/B/N Y/L/N," Oleg announced proudly, glass of champagne in his hand.

Both Y/B/N and Wanda exchanged smiles before looking out to everyone. When my brother's eyes met mine, I smiled encouragingly, and when Wanda's eyes met mine, my smile faded as she grinned my way, eyes saying a thousand things, none of which I could decipher.

"They will now present each other with the rings," my dad said, making the crowd chatter excitedly amongst themselves.

All eyes were on the couple as they presented their rings. Wanda had gotten Y/B/N a plain silver band, perfect for the guy who wasn't a fan of jewellery, and he wore it with pride. Then Y/B/N offered up the ring we'd picked in the store and Wanda's smile was as wide as ever when she saw it.

He placed it on her ring finger and she studied it once more, the emerald sparkling under the light and making all the women in the crowd jealous. She pulled him in for a grateful hug, pressing a kiss to his cheek, and I found myself looking away, not particularly a fan of them getting cosy.

"Gross, right?" Pietro asked, nudging me in the arm slightly. He was trying not to laugh as he avoided looking at the couple up front. "Like, we get it, you're engaged."

A smile appeared on my lips as I glanced at the silver-haired publisher, appreciating his attempt to make me laugh.

"Gross indeed," I agreed.

He rolled his eyes playfully before looking forward again, watching as my father continued to make a speech about how great it was to unify our families.

I listened in, though I'd heard the same spiel several times at home when they'd initiated the idea in the first place. Judging from the look on Pietro's face, he'd heard the same, and I was glad it wasn't just me who felt icky about this whole thing.

This evening couldn't end any sooner.

—

"I just don't understand why I need to go," I complained to my mother.

She was sat before her mirror, finishing applying her makeup and looking presentable for the girl's trip she'd planned for Iryna, Wanda, herself and I.

"Because you're going to become Wanda's sister-in-law and we are all going to become a family," she said like it was obvious, not bothering to look my way. "It'll be fun, Y/N."

I groaned quietly, leaning against the doorframe. A servant fussed around my mother's room, tidying up the mess of clothes she'd left in her wake from picking an outfit. I watched her with boredom, knowing I'd take that job over today's plans any day.

"You might make a new friend with Wanda," my mum continued delightfully. "Wouldn't that be nice?"

I tensed my jaw, eyes narrowing into the window ahead. "Yeah, really nice, mum."

"Good, now go and w–" she began, but was cut off when the doorbell rang from downstairs. Waving her hand, she said, "Go greet the Maximoffs whilst I finish up here, dear."

I sighed, straightening up. "Do I have a choice?"

"Don't forget to smile!" she called after me.

Making my way downstairs, I saw one of our servants opening the door and greeting the Maximoffs politely before letting them inside. Upon spotting me descending the staircase, Iryna smiled brightly.

"Y/N, dear, how lovely to see you!" she exclaimed, and when I got to the bottom, she pulled me in for a surprise hug. "How are you doing this morning, my dear?"

After recovering from the surprise hug, ignoring the way Wanda stifled laughter from behind her mother, I stepped back and gave the older woman a genuine smile.

"I'm doing good, Miss Maximoff," I said, and when she gave me a stern look, I backtracked, remembering her words from the engagement party a few nights ago. "Iryna– right, sorry. I'm doing good. And yourself?"

"Very good now that we're here," she said cheerfully, before nodding for Wanda to join her side. "Wan, what are you doing there? Come and give your sister-in-law a hug the right way!"

I gulped as Wanda did as her mother said, stepping forward without hesitation and pulling me in for a quick hug. Not wanting to look like an idiot, I wrapped my arms around her torso, hoping I wasn't as stiff as I felt. Once again, she smelt really good and I forgot how to breathe.

"Good morning, milaya," she muttered in my ear before pulling away with a harmless smile.

"Morning," I got out, being sure to avoid her gaze as I looked back to her mother. "Can I offer either of you a cup of tea? Or a drink? My mother is just finishing getting ready."

"No need, Y/N!" my mum called as she walked down the stairs behind me. Wearing an apologetic smile, she looked to Iryna and Wanda. "Sorry about that, ladies. I'm all ready to go if you are."

After sharing a greeting with them, my mum led us all outside to the carriage that was waiting to take us into town. We got in and were soon on our way to have the time of our life! (Cue the sarcasm).

"So, Y/N," Iryna said, and I looked up to see her sat beside Wanda who was sat opposite me. "What are your thoughts on this whole engagement? It was quite the affair the other night!"

I forced a smile as I nodded respectfully. "It was a great evening, Iryna. A great start to a successful marriage, I'm sure."

That seemed to start Iryna on a tangent about the engagement and how lovely the evening was and all of the new family members she met on our side. A sigh escaped my lips as I practically relived it with her retelling, making my mum nudge me in the arm gently but scoldingly.

"...and the ring!" Iryna enthused, not noticing my disinterest. "Don't get me started on the ring. Is there anything Y/B/N isn't good at?"

I could name a few things, yes.

With difficulty, I pressed my lips together to stop myself from cracking a knowing smile. Iryna told Wanda to hold out her hand so she could take another look, and as she did, it was the first time I'd seen the ring up close since she'd been given it. I glanced between the ring and her eyes and knew I'd made the right decision.

My mother began to shower Wanda in compliments – "Oh, it matches your eyes, dear! It's like it's meant to be!" – as I sat back and wished we'd arrive at the shops already.

"Between us ladies," my mum said playfully to Wanda, "is it good enough or did you expect something better?"

Wanda chuckled, shaking her head. "I didn't have any expectations, Y/M/N. I would have been happy with whatever Y/B/N picked. But this... this is absolutely stunning. He clearly put a lot of thought into it."

Yes, of course he did. So thoughtful, isn't he? Especially his attention to detail, like when he remembered the colour of your eyes.

Oh, wait.

After what felt like forever, we finally reached the shops and could escape that shrinking carriage for a few minutes before heading into a dress shop to suffocate yet again.

As usual, I followed my mother around like a lost puppy, letting her take the lead with picking some clothes. She was deep into conversation with Iryna, the two of them bonding instantly as they talked about their interests and marriage and their children's engagement.

At one point, I left them to it, resorting to browsing through a rack that had some pretty pastel dresses hanging from it. I didn't have plans to buy anything since I didn't need anything, but it didn't hurt to look.

"Hey," Wanda's voice echoed from behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder to see her joining my side.

"Hey," I replied, continuing to look through the dresses.

She browsed through the rack also, going through each dress slowly as she smiled to herself. "So, you don't like shopping I take it."

I hummed in agreement. "Not really."

She nodded, continuing her browsing. "You don't like parties either. Or dinners." I hummed again and she continued, "And you don't like it when your brother gets all the attention."

I hummed subconsciously, before realising what she said. Stopping my browsing, I looked to her with furrowed brows. "I never said that."

Mischief dancing in her eyes, she glanced me way and winked playfully. "You didn't need to."

Clenching my jaw slightly, I busied myself with going through the hangers, hoping the heat creeping up my neck would disperse. I wasn't going to let Wanda get to me yet again. It was like she had some kind of magic spell on me, making me unable to think straight whenever she was in my vicinity.

"I know you picked my ring by the way," she said after a moment of silence.

I licked my lips and played dumb, not looking her way. "What do you mean? Y/B/N chose it."

She snickered. "I know it was you, Y/N. No man in the world is that thoughtful."

I stayed quiet, figuring it was my best option. She seemed to find this entertaining as she turned to face me, leaning against the rack and watching me curiously.

"I must ask though. Why emerald?"

Fingers playing with the fabric of the dress before me, I shrugged nonchalantly. "Why not?"

She laughed, and it was the second time she'd done so so freely, making the pit of my stomach flip uncontrollably at the sound.

"You don't seem like the type to just do things," she observed. "There had to be a reason. Please enlighten me."

Once again, I shrugged as I made sure not to look her way. I wasn't planning to get sucked in by her killer eyes yet again.

"I'm not blind," I told her casually. "I saw it and remembered that you have hazel eyes that sometimes look green. I thought it would suit you. A mere artistic observation."

"Ah, I see," she said with a nod, playing along. "Well, you have good taste. Thank you. I adore it."

"It was nothing," I assured her, hoping she couldn't hear my heart beating ever-so-quickly in my chest. The longer she watched me, the more flustered I got.

Suddenly, she stepped forward, her hand resting on the small of my back. The simplest of touches had me paralysed, at a loss for words, frozen in place. Mentally I knew that it wasn't right that she made me react like this. But my body wouldn't listen to my brain and Wanda seemed to realise that, clearly revelling in my misery.

"So, you remembered my eye colour after just two meetings, huh?" she asked lightheartedly, leaning in, her hand still pressed to my back gently.

Finally finding the ability to stand my ground, I said, "I'm very observant," and I turned to look at her to show her that whatever game she was playing wasn't going to work anymore. Of course, that was a huge mistake, because as soon as my eyes locked with hers, I lost all resolve.

"That you are," she noted with a smirk, before her hand dropped to her side and she nodded to the long-forgotten dress in my hand. "You should get it. It suits you."

And with that comment, she left me alone to join our mothers yet again. I breathed out shakily, realising that Wanda Maximoff was becoming a bigger issue than I thought.

After purchasing some new dresses from several stores (no, I didn't buy the dress Wanda wanted me to), the four of us stopped by a café for a spot of lunch. Despite the flustered mess I became whenever Wanda gave me more attention than we both know she should have, I was having an okay time.

Iryna was very sweet, wanting to get to know me since we would be family soon, and made me feel at ease whenever she could. My mother was too distracted by her and Wanda's presence to tell me off for complaining, and it was just genuinely kind of nice to get out.

I was drinking a cup of tea as we waited for our food order when my mum tried to get the details on Wanda's newly-planned date with my brother in a few days.

"You're going to the theatre, right?" she asked Wanda eagerly, as if she didn't already know everything anyway.

Y/B/N had talked about this literally last night at dinner. It was to be Wanda's and his first official date, and the first real opportunity away from family and prying eyes to get to know each other better.

"Yes, he got tickets to see a new play I've never heard of," she admitted with a chuckle. "It'll be a chance to get to know him better. The only things I know of him are what my family have told me and what I've learnt from everyone around us."

Iryna smiled as she watched her daughter, whilst my mother waved her hand optimistically.

"Oh, I'm sure the date will go splendidly," she assured Wanda. "It's no secret that you're both very attractive, young adults. If there are no sparks between you, then we're all done for."

At this comment, Iryna and my mother both erupted into laughter, like it was some kind of joke that only middle-aged women seemed to get. I raised my eyebrows and dropped them behind a cup of tea, figuring it was best to stay quiet.

"I'm sure it will," Wanda said in agreement, though her voice was quieter, unable to be heard behind their laughter.

Surprisingly, I found myself intrigued by this rarely seen version of Wanda. It was a similar version to the one I'd seen the night of the dinner, when I showed her around upstairs and the conversation of my brother crept in. It wasn't hard to forget her ability to dance around the question to whether she liked him or not.

And now, she seemed to wear a false smile as she mulled over their date. I guess it was strange to see since I naturally figured she'd want to marry him – pretty much any woman in the city did – but maybe that wasn't the case.

"...tell her what he's like," my mother insisted, pulling me away from my observation. "You're his sister. Who better than you to give her an idea?"

Realising what she was saying, I tried not to choke on my tea. I lowered the cup and shook my head calmly, though the intent was very much urgent.

"She should just see," I said uncertainly. "I mean, what better way to know than to just speak to him?"

One deathly glance from my mother and I straightened up, looking to the Maximoffs before me.

"But if I was to say something," I continued smoothly, making my mother relax at my words, "I'd say that my brother has always been a very respectful man. He's kind-hearted and he's caring."

Iryna was hanging onto my every word whilst Wanda stared at me but seemed elsewhere.

"And he's really excited to get to know you better, Wanda," I said truthfully, looking to the oddly-quiet brunette with a small reassuring smile. "He really likes you."

Iryna mentioned something about Y/B/N being just the man her Wanda deserves, but I was barely paying attention as I looked to the girl in question. She returned my smile, void of teasing or mischief like usual, and nodded quickly before looking down to her own cup of tea.

She was certainly a strange one.

#wanda maximoff au #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff imagine #elizabeth olsen #elizabeth olsen imagine #scarlet witch imagine #scarlet witch #marvel #marvel imagine

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shysneeze · 4 years

Text

missed smiles (draco malfoy x reader)

missed smiles (draco malfoy x fem!reader)

request: could you do a Draco imagine where the reader gets injured somehow (like falls down the stairs) after a fight (angst) and then he gets all protective (fluff)? tysm!

Warnings: kind hints towards depression but it’s minor. half blood prince level draco angst because I'm in one of those moods mentions of war, family pressures etc, fighting and injury.

Authors note: I skimped so hard on the fluff this is basically just angst pls forgive me.

The late November snow crunches aggressively underfoot as (Y/N) storms back towards the castle, Draco's footsteps echoing her own not far behind her as he calls after her. She lets out a harsh breath, not daring to look back in case her anger slips into something else and the tightness in her throat gives way to the sob she's been holding back.

"(Y/N), please." He pleads. "Let me explain."

She comes to a stop, breath shaking as it leaves her lips and forming wispy streams of condensation as it meets the cool air. She knows she needs to turn around, but she can't look at him right now, she can't look at him without seeing it again on his arm, the inky mark of the wizarding world's dark past and looming future.

It was revealed after what was a perfect date. She was so happy to see him smiling, that grin that was becoming so rare these days, she was sure it was the start of better things for this school year. Then she saw it, seeping through a wet patch on his shirt when he peeled off his coat to layer on top of her own due to the aftermath of an impromptu snowball fight. Ominous and taunting, the dark mark stared back at her.

Now, she finds herself turning slowly to face him, glad momentarily to find he's covered the incriminating tattoo, that she can't see it directly, with all its cruel implications. However, the knowledge of it has engraved itself in the centre of her thoughts, torturous and vile.

"How do you even begin to explain that, Draco?" She demands through gritted teeth. "How?"

He gulps under her harsh look despite knowing it's a quickly crumbling façade, watching her bottom lip tremble and her eyes well with reluctant tears. Words tumble out so quickly he's not even sure they make sense, a panicked onslaught of barely coherent apologies as he steps closer.

"No, Draco." She whimpers, stepping back. "No."

Her eyes clench shut and forces the escape of reluctant tears that she lifts her shaking hand to hide. The logical bit of her, the bit that tells her he doesn't want this, that knows him well enough to know his hand must have been forced in the matter, is hidden behind the bitterly betrayed part of her conscience.

"I can't do this right now." She exhales shakily.

His jaw slackens in defeat, explanations left hanging on the tip of his tongue while he watches her leave, ascending the steps to the castle. The weight of it all settles once again on his chest as it has all year, heavy on his lungs until he's forced to breathe manually under the pressure. He watches her go, convinced that's it, that his one perfect thing is gone for good.

His eyes cast downwards with shame and he's about to turn to walk away himself, to find somewhere to think everything through when he hears her yelp. He's too late in turning to help, instead staring wide-eyed and her crumbled figure at the bottom of the icy steps.

"(Y/N)!"

(Y/N) groans softly as she struggles to open her eyes, frown fixing itself on her face at the her unfamiliar surroundings. She doesn't register herself as being in the hospital wing until she hears the gentle tut of Madam Pomfrey from the foot of her bed.

"Miss (Y/L/N)." She greets. "Finally awake I see."

"Finally?"

Her voice is hoarse and quiet, forcing her to wonder just how long she's been out for. Madam Pomfrey gives her an understanding look and gives her a sympathetic smile. The older woman steps around her bed to (Y/N)'s side and gently pushes her into an upright position in order to manoeuvre the pillows in her aid.

"You had quite a tumble down the stairs, my dear." She informs. "Quite the concussion I'm afraid, so don't worry if it takes a moment to remember- I'm sure Mr Malfoy will be able to help once he wakes up too."

The nurse gesture with a slight smirk towards the head of blonde hair resting face down on the edge of the mattress, just by (Y/N)'s legs. The sight of him is enough to have the memories flooding back, heart aching at the memory.

"I'll be back to check on you in a few." Madam Pomfrey informs.

"Thanks." (Y/N) gulps.

Once the older woman is gone, footsteps placing her well in the distance, (Y/N) turns back to the sleeping boy by her side. He looks small here, curled by her side, so sweet it's hard to believe what he's hiding underneath his cool façade and long sleeves. She finds herself reaching a hand out tiredly for his hair, curling her fingers in it gently and watching him stir.

He wakes as groggily as she did, with the same confused frown. Then, eyes meeting hers, they widen and a sigh of sheer relief escapes his lips. He looks exhausted, with ashy grey circles hanging under his eyes, although she's sure they've been like that for months now.

"Thank goodness you're awake, (Y/N)." He exhales. "God, I was so worried."

"How long?"

"About a day." He informs. "You hit you're head really hard-"

"Not that." She corrects in a whisper. "How long have you had t-the mark?"

The light brought to his face from her recovery dies at the question, eyes dropping instantly. She almost feels bad, but she needs to know, she needs to understand this all before she can allow herself to look at him the same.

"The summer." He admits. "Just before the start of term."

She inhales loudly, sharply as she take it in. She pulls her hand back from where he'd clutched it in relief when he first woke. The betrayal bites bitterly at her heart and tugs her brows into a disbelieving frown.

"I know." He whispers.

She pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs aloud, causing him to shift guiltily. The logical part of her is back, reminding her that she knows him, knows this is not something he would do if given the option not to.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Her words throw him off and he stares at her in disbelief. Where he expects the furrowed brows of an angry glare, he finds her expression full of concern. His confusion over her reaction manifest itself as a frown.

"I'm a- a deatheater, (Y/N)."

His voice is hushed, cautious of the fact only the thin layer of the curtain around her bed shields them from the rest of the hospital wing, from listening ears. She lets out a sigh, clenching her eyes shut and shaking her head in response.

"No you're not." She sighs, an almost desperate edge to her voice, as if she's trying to convince herself. "You're not, Draco."

"I took the mark, (Y/N)." He corrects. "I'm sorry."

"There's no way you wanted this." She argues. "This has your father written all over it. I know this isn't you-"

"How do you always do that?"

She can see him trying to keep himself together, fists clenched so tightly they shake and his eyes brimming with tears he's begging to stay put. He lets out a sharp sigh, turning away from her to hide how his mask is crumbling, how he's so quickly beginning to come undone.

"What?"

"What do you see that no one else does?"

His voice cracks. Red rimmed eyes meet (Y/N)'s, so full of raw emotion that she finds herself letting out the smallest of sniffles as her fingers reach out for his closed fists, loosening them enough to grasp his hand in hers.

"I see my boyfriend frowning more than he smiles." She begins, voice trembling. "I see him losing all motivation for his hobbies, I see him sneaking off when he thinks I'm not looking and telling me he's fine when he's not."

She squeezes his hand, begging him to understand, to understand that she's worried, she so worried for him that it hurts. She worried when his smile didn't meet his eyes on the train, and when he asked to stay curled together in his dorm room the day of the first Hogsmeade trip when they would usually go to Honeydukes together. She’s worried all year.

"I was so relieved yesterday to see you smile." She continues. "I miss your smiles so much, Draco."

He lets out an inaudible apology, fixing his tear filled eyes on their joined hands, gasping under the pressure to keep himself together. It's like she's pulled out the last thread, the one that was keeping him in one piece and as if any sudden movement will rip him apart now.

"I know you're a good person." She concludes. "I know you don't want this."

"I don't." He admits through a raspy, quiet sob. "I don't want this but I had to- I had to for my family."

"Your dad?" She asks sadly.

"Father made a mistake, but it's H-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named who chose me, to amend my family's names in his eyes." He shakes his head. "It was the only decision that could be made."

"Draco..."

"You know what he did to Cedric Diggory." He explains. "I have to do this to keep us safe."

"You're just a kid, Draco." (Y/N) whimpers. "We're just kid and this isn't supposed to be our battle... I'm so sorry that it's ended up yours"

"Don't apologise to me." He pleads. "Don't., (Y/N)"

"Someone needs to, Draco." She argue. "This isn't fair on you."

Her voice finally cracks and tears rolls down her cheeks. She sighs in frustration when he looks up in concern. She's supposed to the pillar of support right now, hospital bed or not. The tears plough downward regardless though.

"Don't upset yourself." He begs.

"I'm angry, Draco!" She exclaims. "No at you- at this whole thing."

"(Y/N) please, you shouldn't stress yourself after the fall." He gulps. "You'll still have a concussion."

She's almost forgotten where they are, and why they're here in the first place. She lifts her free hand to the newly thumping pain in her head and grimaces. He shuffles closer, lifting a hand to tilt her head for inspection when she swats it away.

"No, I'm the patient so you have to listen to me."

She gives him a stubborn frown that has him sinking back like a scolded child to listen to her. She extends her bandaged arm out and pokes a finger against his chest sternly, his eyes widening at the serious look in her watery eyes.

"We're going to fix this." She states firmly. "We're going to fix this together and you and your family are going to be safe again."

"H-how?"

"I don't know but we will."

She drops her hand to find his once again, squeezing his fingers with a sigh. He stares at her in silence for so long she's worried he's angry, but then his lips twitch into the slightest of smiles and a breathless chuckles falls from his lips.

"Thought I was supposed to be looking after you." He explains softly.

"I only fell, Draco." She assures. "I'm fine."

"(Y/N), you have no idea how terrifying it was so see you on the ground like that." He shakes his head. "Not moving, not waking up, and all I could think was I drove you away and you hurt yourself."

"Draco..." She sighs. "I was surprised, I didn't know what to do when I saw that thing on your arm and ran when I shouldn't have."

"This isn't your fault."

"It isn't yours either."

He lets out another laugh behind a poorly disguised sob, shaking his head again in surprise, perplexed again by her reactions. Always seeing the good in him, even when everyone is convinced it's not, when he himself has lost hold of it.

"I love you." He exhales.

"I love you too." She smiles sadly. "We're going to work this out, I promise."

He lift's the linked hands to his lips and kisses her knuckles gently. He believes her, something in his heart clinging to the assurance in her voice and the hope in her eyes. She's pulled that last thread, allowed him to fall apart at the seams in order to sew him back together again, gently and patiently, starting with the first stitch.

"I'm going to see that smile again."

Authors notes: like to think madam pomfrey is just sat outside the curtains like 👁👄👁

#draco malfoy x reader #draco x reader #draco malfoy imagines #draco malfoy imagine #malfoy x reader #draco malfoy #reader insert #x reader #fanfiction #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco #malfoy #draco malfoy angst #draco imagine #draco imagines #harry potter

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heybeybey · 3 years

Text

and it was your heart on the line

Rating: Explicit

Genre: Angst/Romance

Pairing: Rivetra | Levi x Petra

Word Count: 8,706

Summary: Turns out, it wasn't a request. It was an order. If he denies again, then it's an ultimatum. Pressured to continue the Ackerman line, Levi is forced to choose between his commitment to giving meaning to his comrades' deaths or sacrificing the future of the woman who have always been devoted to him.

(Anon Ask | AO3 Link)

(It's also Smutty Saturday so here, have smut + ANGST. MOSTLY ANGST THO)

It's been a month since he learned about his true relation to Kenny.

Two weeks since he, Hange and Erwin traced his Ackerman ancestry.

A week since they found out what his last name means and how inhuman his strength truly is.

And two days since he received that fucking memo.

Captain Levi Ackerman,

We were recently made aware of the extent of your capabilities. After much discussion in the court, we believe that you will be doing humanity a great service by continuing the Ackerman line.

We look forward to your cooperation.

A great service his ass.

A few days ago, he, Erwin and Hange found out that the Ackerman line used to be the bodyguards of the royal family in the past and that the reason why they were so skilled is because they are titans in human form. They were then persecuted for shit knows what and the whole clan scattered throughout the walls in the past hundred years.

It also turns out that this ability is accessible to all Ackermans. They haven't found out if it's automatically passed down but Levi noted that there was a time when he felt something jolt in him when faced in a life or death situation (which was almost a daily basis for him back in the Underground).

Now, they want to reinstate the line to help the military progress.

The way Levi sees it, the government basically wants him to breed as if he's a cow in a nobleman's farm.

Levi ignores the memo for the next few days and when they sent a follow up for his reply, he didn't hesitate in telling them to fuck off. That's when things went south.

Turns out, it wasn't a request. It was an order. If he denies again, then it's an ultimatum.

They argued that the captain's citizenship above ground is tethered to his role in the Scouts. Denying this request would be taken as an act of insubordination, no matter how much Erwin forgives the said "offense". Moreover, it's an insult to the crown.

The greedy fucks from the top brass gave him two weeks or he'll be kicked back down to the Underground. Since he's the only known Ackerman, he can't push this responsibility on someone else's plate.

- - -

Only his Special Operations team were made aware of the situation. Erwin said that his squad deserves to know why their captain might be out of commission for at least a week... or why he'd possibly be kicked out of the scouts soon.

Levi silently took in the horror on their faces when he broke the news.

"Captain, are they even allowed to do that?"

"That's just... sick."

"Maybe there's a way to delay it for a few more years, sir?"

The only one who didn't speak up was Petra. She just watched the four men converse, with Levi and Eld discussing what the next steps are in case the captain will be leaving the scouts.

The thought leaves a bitter taste in all of their mouths. Survey Corps without Captain Levi? They can only see their success rates getting knocked down further. At the same time, they also don't know which decision to support, knowing that the captain will be sacrificing himself either way.

- - -

Petra has been spacing out since that day. Sometimes, her squad needed to snap her out of it during trainings. She'd been a total recluse, rarely joining them at the dining table during their morning coffee. She'd still bring the captain's tea late at night but other than that, she looks more like a ghost floating around in their squad's side of the floor. They think it's heartbreak since her admiration for the captain is already an open secret between the five of them. No one would've even imagined what she was planning.

She was able to snap herself out of it two days after, and now she's barging into Commander Erwin's office during lunch time.

"Commander Erwin, there must be another way," Petra pleads. She rarely goes to Erwin's office alone and if she's here right now, the captain must've not been aware that his subordinate would approach this topic straight with the commander.

Erwin sighs. "Ms. Ral, I appreciate your concern for the captain. Believe me, I've personally reached out to Zackley regarding this. There's nothing much I can do. I've already swayed Levi's citizenship to our favor once."

It also doesn't help that the government sees the Scouts as the most useless of all three military branches. Learning about how powerful Levi truly is was the only thing that reignited their belief in their regiment after five consecutive failed expeditions and thousands of coins wasted.

The commander looks at Petra and he can tell from her face that the gears are turning in her head. He frowns, having an inkling of what her next words will be. Erwin knows how loyal Petra is to her captain. It's something that the commander himself leveraged and exploited during expeditions.

"Would... if I do it, will that...?"

Erwin's face softens, meeting her eyes in concern. If they were to ask for his opinion as commander, it would be a waste if they allow Petra to take the responsibility. She's one of the best soldiers in the corps and her ability to sync with any team they place her in was an asset that you wouldn't find in any other soldier.

But as Levi's friend, he'd rather not order the captain around when it comes to this matter. The part of him who's committed to humanity's survival knows what the right answer is to Levi's situation, and he knows the captain will choose what will always be best for his soldiers.

"Petra, you know that Levi wouldn't allow it."

"But does it even matter what we think anymore? Commander, they're going to take the captain away from us."

Erwin is quiet for a moment, careful eyes assessing how serious Petra truly is. "Are you sure about this Petra?"

"You know I'll do anything for our cause." Adamant and unwavering. Levi chose well.

Erwin nods. "I'll talk to Zackley what it will mean if the captain chooses a subordinate instead of a commoner. Normally, sleeping with your commanding officer would lead to a dishonourable discharge."

Petra flinches at that.

"But... we can all agree that this is a different case."

- - -

Petra comes to Levi that night. At first, he just assumed it's their usual evening tea time.

"I-I talked to Commander Erwin this morning," she starts, setting down his tea on the desk. He glances back at her for a moment before turning back to his paperwork.

"What about?" Levi said. "You do know that if you have a concern, you can also tell me. I'm the one responsible for you."

"It's not a concern," she replies quickly. "Well... it is but-"

Her hesitance finally stops him. "Since when have you held back whenever we have tea together, Petra?"

"Captain... I-I can..."

He doesn't turn his chair around, waiting for Petra to speak.

"I'm saying that if it will greatly serve humanity, I'm willing to have-," she gulps, pushing the fear from her face to look at him determinedly. "I'm willing to be the one to help you continue the Ackerman bloodline."

Levi's grateful his back was turned. If it wasn't, Petra would've seen how his slanted eyes widened with horror and concern at her words. He feels a headache starting to come along, and he schools his face before finally turning around, assessing hers. His heart fell when he finds that she somehow looks both determined and scared at the same time.

"No."

Petra deflates a little bit at that, seemingly both relieved and hurt from the rejection.

"Please captain, I don't want you to be forced out of the Survey Corps. The scouts need you. I-" She cuts herself off at that, but her silence was loud. He'd known for a while now the depth of Petra's devotion.

"Petra, are you even aware of what you're offering?"

"Of course I know!" She snaps, so unlike her to disrespect her captain outright. "Captain, I wouldn't have offered myself if I'm not aware of what I'll be giving up."

"Then you're fucking stupid for even wanting to go through with this. We don't even know how many they're demanding from me."

He stands up from his chair and grabs her upper arm in a bruising grip, almost desperate to get his point across. "You'll be forced to leave the Scouts, give up your career to take care of a-"

It's rare for him to be speechless, and he finds that the word baby can't even pass through his mouth these days.

"Sir, I just want to help..." Petra says quietly, gaze averted.

"This is not up for debate Petra." He looks at her coldly. "Leave."

"But captain-" He lets her arm go. Petra's expressive round eyes are starting to tear up.

"I said get out."

He watches her hurry out, trying to ignore the fact that she was furiously wiping her eyes as she leaves.

- - -

They went out for an expedition one morning and Levi was somewhat grateful for the distraction.

Reality only came crashing down on him again when he'd watched another soldier die. He seemed new and young, looking more like a cadet than an actual soldier. Probably fresh out of the training corps but died way too soon because he chose the wrong regiment. If Levi remembers correctly, this was one of the newer scouts who had the guts to approach him with bright and eager eyes and asked for advice.

"What's your name?" Levi asks the soldier. He kneels down beside the younger man.

"E-Ethan, sir," the soldier rasps. Levi silently nods in acknowledgement. He looks up, finding Petra tending to a fatally injured scout. Eld and Gunther was assisting a female veteran who lost a leg. He can't seem to find Oluo anywhere.

"C-Captain..." Ethan struggles with his words and Levi can see how his gaze is starting to lose focus.

"I'll avenge your sacrifice, Ethan." Levi says as he holds the young boy's bloody hand, hearing him take his last breath. "I promise you that."

Levi apologizes to Petra in his own way as they wrap up the expedition. He approaches her as she was about to mount her horse.

"Petra." She looks to him with teary eyes. She does this after every expedition, crying for all the fallen soldiers as her own way of commemorating their sacrifice.

"Yes, sir?" she replies in a gentle voice, as if he didn't just make her cry two nights before.

Levi hands her a white handkerchief. "Here."

She blinks up at him for a bit but accepts his offer. He never says sorry outright, but he and Petra have always had this way of communicating where words aren't needed to be said.

They were running out of time. Levi tried to take his mind off the problem by training until his own body gives up on him. A huge part of him have already accepted that he'll be marched back down to that shithole by the end of the week.

Hell, he already packed up the limited possessions that he has.

"Levi, you know this is for the scouts. Losing you would mean losing a battalion for the Survey Corps," Erwin argued.

"Are you asking me to force a woman to become the government's baby making machine?" Levi snaps. "Because that's sick as fuck Erwin!"

Hange told him once that there was a major decrease in the scouts' death toll since he joined. Levi didn't want to believe at first that a single soldier was enough to make that much of a difference, but Hange's numbers was more than enough proof. Since he joined, they didn't need to send 10 men on a dangerous mission when a single soldier can do all the dirty work and still live.

Erwin pointed out that many would jump at the opportunity to lie with humanity's strongest. Levi just wanted to vomit at the title.

How can something that used to boost his soldiers' morale now turn into a fucked up ultimatum that preyed on his commitment to making his comrades' deaths matter?

He supposes that there are other women. He can even just detach himself from the whole situation after the woman gets pregnant and let her raise the kid.

But Levi has an intimate relationship with abandonment. Of being used and treated as nothing more than just a tool. It was all he knew growing up with gangs in the underground, and eventually in the corps as comrades die and his strength used to the regiment's advantage.

He's not that big of a piece of shit as to use someone and leave a child fatherless until they come of age to become a soldier. If he was going to have a kid, he'd make sure that they at least have a good childhood to compensate for all the shit they'd be pressured in. He'd want to be there every time he leaves the walls—not as a captain commanding his soldier but as a father ensuring his child's safety.

Levi also feels sick at the thought of just bedding anyone. Whenever he thinks of this option, his mind would take him back to a dark closet, deep in the underground, where he'd hide as his mother takes on another client. He'd be no better than the men who he watched come and go from his mother's room in the brothel, leaving her crying and filthy once they're done. It feels as if he'd be disrespecting her memory this way. Spitting on his mother's grave would've been more respectful than this.

The only other option is to drag the woman he'd been secretly throwing longing looks at, so willing and devoted, down with him.

- - -

The night before the government will come knocking on their doors, Petra came to his office again.

"You're up for promotion." This was his last resort.

If she accepts, then he'll be leaving tomorrow for the underground. He doesn't really know which outcome to hope for.

Levi doesn't give her the chance to reply, silently handing her a folder. He wants her to understand the gravity of this situation. Of how much of a double-edged sword her devotion truly is.

"I've already signed it and Erwin's just waiting for you to accept before he approves. We'll be raising your rank, complete with a 25% salary increase. You're still in the Special Ops, but now with the opportunity to command your own team outside of our missions, or whenever Erwin and I see it fit during an expedition. This is a step closer to fully becoming a squad leader two or three years from now."

Petra sighs and shakes her head at that. She didn't even hesitate as she takes away the folder from his hand and sets it down on his office table.

"Please, Captain." Petra pleads, hand moving to delicately hold his. "The scouts need you."

The face of the soldier who died yesterday, (Ethan, he corrects himself) flashes on his mind. Levi's promise to the young man rings phantomly in his ears.

I'll avenge your sacrifice, I promise you that.

Levi surrenders.

- - -

"Captain?" Petra removed the last button of her uniform, her eyes on the floor, leaving her in only her cotton underwear. He watches her while he sits on the edge of the bed, eyes taking in her every move as she shrugs off all her clothing.

"Call me Levi," he corrects her. "Please."

"Levi..." She closes the gap between them, climbing on the bed and reaching out a hand to cup his face to help him relax. Petra gives him a shy smile when he leans closer to her touch, while he settles a hand at the small of her back. She leans forward, kissing his jaw and sliding her hand down to his chest to feel the quick drum of his heartbeat. "It's okay, Levi. I trust you."

Petra settles herself on his lap and gently turns his face up to hers, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. His hands trail up her upper arms and she involuntarily shivered when he cups her cheeks to deepen the kiss. Emboldened by how receptive she is of his touch, Levi trails his mouth from her lips to her cheek, gradually making his way down to her neck.

Petra's eyes are closed, biting on her lower lip. She tangles a hand against his hair to pull him closer, encouraging him further. He feels himself getting hard fast when she aligns the heat of her core against his.

"Do you want me to turn off the lights?" She asks, testing the waters by grinding down on him. He shakes his head no, tucking a ginger strand of hair behind her ear. The last thing he needs is to feel like this is a casual romp with a stranger. He wants to know it's her.

He runs his hands against her bare thighs before twisting their bodies around so she'd end up laying back on his bed. She gave a quiet huff at the impact, but Levi was quick to lean down and kiss her intensely. He fears he might come faster than they need him to if she continues bucking against him and they need to pace themselves.

Levi plans to worship Petra tonight, because she deserves nothing less. He looks down at her and meets her eyes for a bit before he's trailing down kisses throughout her body. When he's closer to her chest area, Petra removes her bra off for him and his throat goes dry at the sight. She looks up at Levi with half-lidded eyes, guiding his hands to knead her breasts. The captain doesn't waste time, groping then leaning down to swirl his tongue over a nipple before tending to the other.

Petra whimpers with his every touch. When he makes a bold move to slip his hand down her panties, that's when she gives a low moan.

"Is this okay?" he asks quietly and Petra nods. He starts to massage her clit, feeling her core starting to dampen as his strokes become more intentional.

He soon replaces his fingers with this tongue, earning him a keening sound from the woman below him. Levi only pulls away when he's satisfied at how much of a dazed mess Petra is, hands gripping his black hair to stabilize herself. He levels himself again with her and Petra latches her mouth against him, once again grinding her naked pussy against his cock, still clothed in his pants.

They've both lost the initial shyness and hesitation from earlier on, now both driven by their eagerness to push their pleasure further. He's hard by this point, feeling the dampness and heat between her thighs through his clothed lower regions. Petra continues to grind herself against him and Levi gets harder at the thought of how she's fully naked and vulnerable below him. She desperately bucks up against his hips, delicate but scarred hands reaching down to finally start unbuckling his pants.

He allows her to shrug off his pants while he removes his white undershirt, towering over her. Petra watches him take off his top with a primal look in her eyes, sitting up and reaching out to pass her hands against the lines of his firm abdomen. Her eyes flares up at the sight of his cock, hand reaching out to touch before Levi grabs her wrist.

"I won't be able to last long if you do that." He says. Petra understands, opening her legs further instead to allow him in.

He positions himself between her thighs and looks at her one last time, making sure there's no doubt on her face. Petra, being the fucking amazing woman that she is, only nods at him with a small reassuring smile.

Levi grunts at how deliciously tight she is when he finally enters her, while Petra's arms found its way around his back to cling to him. It proves to be a struggle because her wet walls squeezes around him and he finds it hard to pull his head out of the pleasurable haze. He tries to pace himself, giving them both enough time to adjust to the feeling. When he feels Petra's hips slightly bucking up as if to egg him on, that's when he starts to move.

It was heaven and hell at the same time. For a second or two, he'd like to believe that this is a moment built on months of romancing and awkward dates. He lets his mind wander away from what it actually is—a task, a burden placed on his shoulders for an ability he never even asked for. And he dragged the bravest and most capable woman he knows down with him, willing as she may be.

"Harder, Levi," she breathes out on his ear, snapping his head from spiralling down in self-hatred at their situation.

Levi gives into her wishes, bracing himself by leaning down and pulling her hips closer. He starts to work towards an almost bruising pace, wanting to find a good balance between pleasure and pain for her. Her arms are encircled around him, hands running up and down the hard muscles on his back. Levi looks at the way Petra's breasts bounce with every snap of his hips, mesmerized. Her mouth was open in an o-shape, eyes unfocused as she surrenders to the heat of the moment, cheeks flushed, nipples continuously grazing against his chest with every thrust.

"Yes yes yes," she breathlessly chants. "Fuck me, Levi."

He'd dreamed of Petra like this in the past. But as her commanding officer, all he could really do is lock away those depraved thoughts and quietly steam in lust over his ginger subordinate. Being with her right now couldn't even compare to the nights he jacked off to the thought of her.

He can already tell that Petra's close with the way she's clenching him. Her pants are more desperate now and she bites on his shoulder blade as she reaches her own climax, and he eventually feels her hold on him slacken. Tired and pleased, Petra allows her head to fall back on the pillow and takes in his face to watch the emotions passing through his face.

The feel of her wet core clenching around him was more than enough to edge him closer towards his limit. The rhythm of his thrusts starts to stutter, his primal need to reach release urging him forward.

Petra starts moaning again, turned on at his uncontrollable lust. He waits until she eventually comes again, watching her fall tiredly on the bed, before allowing himself to let go.

One thrust, two, and then they tip past the point of no return. Petra makes a low noise once he comes inside her, her hips rising to meet his final thrust. Lost in pleasure, Levi had to grip hard on the bed frame above her to compose himself. Petra holds his gaze—a mix of adoration and desperation—through it all.

They both pant from the thrill of their coupling and Levi finally collapses on Petra. She pulls him close, allowing him to lay his head on her chest.

He didn't even know when he started crying. He only realized it when he felt Petra brushing away the tears silently running down his cheek with her thumb.

What kind of lowlife am I? Here he is, crying like a little shit when he was the one who'll be subjecting her to whatever hell that awaits them in the next few months. Female soldiers are normally allowed maternity leave but since his case is different, the higher ups demanded that at least one parent will see through the child's growth.

Everyone assumes that it wouldn't be the captain.

He didn't have to sacrifice his career and position. He doesn't need to sit around and nurture a living being inside him for almost a year. Petra will be the one who'll be taking the bulk of it all.

You're fucking selfish. You're a coward.

"I'm sorry," he whispers softly against her skin. He stays where he is, head laid on top of her bare chest and listening to the thump of her heart. Petra was just quiet for awhile, gently running her fingers through his jet-black hair as she stares up at the window and at the night sky.

"Levi... remember when you told us before to choose the choice that we'll regret the least?"

He doesn't answer back, not really knowing what to say at her hushed question.

"I chose this," Petra continues. "Because you going back to the Underground is the consequence that would kill me the most."

She gently tilts his head up so he can meet her eyes, her hand shaking from the barrage of emotion. Petra looks at his face, awe and adoration shining in her amber eyes as she traces a finger against the frown lines between his brows.

"You're a great man, Captain. I've never met someone who cares so much for his soldiers' lives more than you do." Petra continues. "I truly believe that you'll be the one who'll lead us outside these walls."

"I don't deserve you Petra."

She smiles sadly at that. "You have me either way, Levi. I'm here to stay."

- - -

The next nine months were... Well, they didn't even know how to describe it.

They decided to reveal it to their team on the first month of her pregnancy. That led to Eld's fist colliding with Levi's face. The biggest surprise was that the captain allowed his second-in-command to disrespect him in such a way.

"Eld, no!" Petra screamed.

"Captain, you told me before that you recruited Petra for her skills," Eld said. "I didn't know you'd be the type to take advantage of young girls!"

Levi understood where the younger man was coming from, knowing how Eld and Gunther treated Petra like a little sister. Oluo, on the other hand, just watched the exchange with a crestfallen look.

The guys only believed that Levi didn't force her into anything when they saw how Petra fretted over the captain's bruised face the whole afternoon. She'd constantly throw them a glare as she cups an ice pack on Levi's jaw and would constantly follow him around to make sure that he won't get attacked by the three guys. Not that they would even have the guts to attempt it, nor would the captain let it pass the second time around.

Frankly, Levi's grateful that he has a team who looks out for each other, even when they're not beyond the walls. That's one of the reasons why he trusts them. He doesn't know where he stands now as their captain and he knows these turn of events will greatly shift or even damage their squad's dynamics.

As the month comes to a close and with another mission beyond the walls in the works, Erwin pulled Petra out of all expeditions, much to the surprise of the other Scouts. Her role for the next three months were mostly to brief new recruits along with some clerical work before she closes this chapter of her life.

- - -

On the second month, they traveled to Karanese district to finally tell Petra's father. Levi had never met the man before, and the captain was quiet the whole way to her home town. If Petra didn't know better, she'd think that Levi's nervous.

The truth is that all he feels is guilt.

He knocked up the man's daughter and he was her commanding officer. What's worse is that they didn't do it because they were so hopelessly in love. Come to think of it, it would've been better if they chalked it up to them not being able to keep their hands off each other.

He'd be lucky if Petra's father doesn't assume that Levi just turned his daughter into a breeding stock.

"Petra!" The older man greets them. "Captain Levi, it's so nice to finally meet you. Petra told me a lot about you in her letters."

Levi takes a few moments to revel in the warm welcome, thinking that this day would probably end up in more heartbreak because of him.

"Mr. Ral." He accepts the man's handshake.

"Please, come in! I've prepared enough for the three of us. You're not allergic to anything, right captain?"

None of them mentioned just yet what they were there for and Levi was content just to hear Petra chatting excitedly with her father. Mr. Ral seems like a friendly man, and it's no wonder he ended up having a daughter who's such a sweetheart. The atmosphere in the room was light as father and daughter caught up on each other's lives.

Until Petra has to run to the bathroom to vomit.

He saw the rising concern on her father's face as they listen to Petra retching in the bathroom, and that whole five minutes of waiting for her to come back was absolute torture. Levi, for all his bravery when fighting titans, couldn't even meet the older man's eyes.

"Captain Levi, why are you really here?" Mr. Ral cautiously asks him.

The older man's face cracks when he finally learned the true nature of Petra's pregnancy. He couldn't look at Levi after that.

"Captain, I think you should leave." Mr. Ral says, voice cold that he couldn't believe that the warm welcome he received earlier on came from the same man. Levi didn't need to be told twice.

"Dad..."

Levi sighs as he stands up. "Thank you for the food, Mr. Ral."

"Dad, it's not his fault." Petra tries again as Levi moves to the door. "It's my decision. You know how Captain Levi is important to the Survey Corps."

"But why you, Petra?" Mr. Ral snaps. "You know, I was concerned when you told me that you were the only girl in his squad."

"Please, stop." Petra sobs.

"If I'd only known that I really did have a reason to be worried, I would've demanded you to come home."

Levi silently listens to the whole exchange from outside of the room, eyes downcast.

- - -

Petra signed her retirement on the third month. High from the mood swings brought on by the pregnancy, she cried and even hugged the commander. Erwin just awkwardly patted her head and told Petra that it might be best to let go now before Levi slices his hand off.

She also went to Mitras this month, meeting the people who forced Levi into this situation for the first time. Petra was shaking in anger as she walked inside the room, throwing the officials the dirtiest glare she could manage.

Petra didn't even bother to be respectful that whole afternoon as they brief her on what they expect from her, and what can or cannot be public information.

"I used to hope that the child won't inherit your glare but now I'm more scared to imagine if they got Ms. Ral's," Erwin whispered to Levi, watching as Petra backtalks another official.

Levi shrugs. "You haven't seen her when she gets too competitive during trainings."

On the same month, they ended up sleeping together without the goal of furthering the Ackerman bloodline.

They haven't touched each other since the doctor confirmed that Petra's already pregnant. Her every test was recorded and reported to the fuckers back at Mitras and that thought alone was enough to squeeze out the arousal in Levi's body.

Somehow, they found themselves making out in his office on this night.

"Why didn't we do this during our evening tea before?" Levi asked against her neck, peppering kisses on every inch of skin he can reach.

Petra laughs, elongating her neck further to give him access. "Gee, captain. I didn't know you wanted to be court-martialled so bad."

She's currently in civilian clothing since her last day with the scouts was yesterday. Her dress was easier to access and he'd long since unbuttoned the first few buttons that covered her breasts.

Fuck it, he thought as he moves away from his office chair and settles more comfortably on the couch, with Petra on his lap. He looks up at her, eyes alight in lust as he takes in her breasts spilling out of her dress, chest heaving and orange hair dishevelled. He hurriedly tries to unzip out of his own clothing, eagerly kissing her as she slides down his cock.

After a whole week of sex a few months ago, Levi thought he's already used to the feel of Petra around him. Egged on by their own baser instincts despite the situation, they fucked every chance they can get and it was the closest Levi had to a break. It would've been a blissful escapade if he didn't know any better, and the guilt would eat him raw every time he ejaculates inside her.

But for some reason, sex with her right now feels different. Still heated and pleasurable, because of course— it's Petra, but something has shifted between them. He feels lighter, freer.

He's careful as he bounces Petra above him, but still careful not to hurt her. Levi worships every part of her that he could reach without breaking away from the pace that they'd set, while Petra pulls against his hair and leaves her own marks on his chiseled skin.

It's the first time they had slept together without feeling as if someone's keeping a close eye on them.

This moment together is theirs.

- - -

They feel the baby move on the fourth month of her pregnancy.

Levi was the one who first felt it when he was laying his head on her lap. He was quietly reading a report while Petra was knitting a few socks when he felt a poke on the side of his head that was cozied up to her belly.

"Okay, stop it woman!" He scolds and sits up, thinking that she was messing with him. Levi pauses when he sees that Petra is tearing up.

"He kicked."

"What?"

"The baby." Levi's face slackens at that, eyes wide with wonder dropping to her tummy. She runs both hands over the skin, stops and smiles, before taking his wrist to place his own hand on one spot.

Sure enough, Levi did feel that faint poke. He lifts his other hand so he can place both on her belly. Emotion overwhelms him and he swallowed to keep himself at bay.

"Hey, kid."

On the fifth month, Levi was able to strong-arm the higher-ups to give him a goddamn house. Petra knows that this thought would continue to amuse her for years.

From what she heard from Erwin, Levi demanded that the child needs a nice place to grow up in. Since his salary wasn't worth shit despite his high rank in the scouts, it still would take him a long time to make a downpayment.

They approved the request and they moved in a few days shy of her sixth month. It was a simple house, complete with two floors and three bedrooms. One room in the first floor while another two above. Petra suggested that maybe the third bedroom can be his office but he refused.

"You're thinking of opening a pastry shop once the kid's here, right? You can use that space."

"Hmm... but that will still take some time." Petra answers, her voice taking on a teasing lilt. "Maybe we can use it to store all your brooms and cleaning solutions instead."

They once talked about what Petra plans to do once the child is born. Of course, most of her hours will be spent taking care of the baby but knowing Petra, she's not the type who'd sit around and rely on him for the rest of her life. They're still not sure if she'll be able to rejoin the scouts years from now, even when Levi tried telling her that maybe he can find a way to work around it the top brass' shitty conditions. They decided instead to focus more on what they can control now, and he suggested that he was able to save enough that they can use that as a capital for whatever she wanted to do.

As they were fixing their new house, Petra was also surprised that he was setting up his side on the master's bedroom.

Petra wanted to sleep beside him every night, of course. They've already been doing so since that first time they had sex after her pregnancy was confirmed. But Petra thought that it's just going to be her who will move in because the house was a good two hours away from the barracks, making it a hassle for Levi to go back and forth everyday. Petra tells him that she'd be alright with him only coming home for the weekends if it will save him a 4-hour commute every single day.

Levi brushed off her concerns and proceeded to set up the nursery room instead.

"Will a baby really give a fuck about all these colors?" He crudely asks, looking at all the paint palettes in his hand.

- - -

The sixth month was slightly harder. Petra thinks that it may be because the reality that she's now out of the Survey Corps, the one thing that gave meaning to her life for four years, is settling in on her.

Her closest friends in the scouts would visit her a few times every month. Hange's squad, sometimes accompanied by Nanaba, would drop by and Levi had to control Hange from turning Petra and his child into one of their experiments.

"Aww, Levi. I'm just trying to be a good aunt!"

"By trying to feed Petra one of your shitty concoctions?" He snaps back, taking the bottle with the godforsaken liquid as far away as he can from the mother of his child. Petra has to stop Levi from completely banning Hange from their home after that.

Eld, Oluo and Gunther visit her as much as they can.

"Wow, you look like a ball." Oluo blurts out when he sees Petra, earning him a slap at the back of his head from Gunther.

"Bozado, this is the reason why you still don't have a girlfriend." Eld said, smirking. "The captain has shittier social skills than you and he's now going to be a father. Up your game a bit."

Gunther grunts at Eld's quip, knowing that Oluo would take that differently. "Way to go Eld. As if the cravat's not worse enough."

Their visits make Petra feel as if it's just another morning in the barracks, except she now has a round belly. Gunther always asks about how she's feeling while Oluo would brag that he'd be the greatest uncle the kid will ever have. Eld indulges her in her cravings and always brings a basket of strawberries whenever the three of them visit.

She also learned that Levi never chose another scout to take over her place.

"Captain said that it doesn't really make a difference if he adds another member," Gunther informs Petra. "He screened a few. All of them ran away crying."

Oluo chuckles. "Remember when he screamed at them that they're all useless and would be good as titan shit on the next expedition?"

"Please, we all know he's just comparing all of them to Petra. Man's way too in love with you, Pet." Eld replies and Petra blushes.

"If you're done gossiping about me, you're all free to get your asses out here. It's late." Levi suddenly pipes up from the door. The three men shuts up, salutes and scrambles out after saying their goodbyes to Petra, along with promises to visit whenever they can.

"Welcome back," Petra greets, kissing him on the cheek.

"Did any of them give you trouble?"

"If anything, Oluo will give you more trouble." Petra giggles, having had a conversation with Levi about Oluo's tendency to imitate the captain. "He saw your parenting books by the way. I think he's setting up a budget so he can buy himself some."

Levi groans at that.

Through the months, she'd learned that bright little Nifa was recently selected to be transferred to Hange's team. Nanaba would share stories about her promotion to being second-in-command in Squad Mike. Oluo recently got a pay raise and he enthusiastically boasts that he more than deserved it, but Petra knows he's just overjoyed that it will now be enough to send his younger brother to university. Stories that are worth celebrating and Petra was all too eager to celebrate with all of them.

But when she's alone, she'd sometimes feel that time had stopped for her. She'd realize that this isn't just a simple pregnancy and she's not just on a maternity leave. At times when she really is down in the dumps, she'd bitterly question if the living being inside of her truly is worth calling a bundle of joy.

She'd shake that thought away as fast as it came, of course. She rubs circles around her rounded tummy as if to say a silent sorry to her child for even thinking of such a thing. Petra loves her and Levi's baby with all her heart. She doesn't regret any of it because this baby symbolises that Levi would continue making a difference in the scouts.

Still though, there were moments when Levi would come home and find her asleep with tear tracks on her face, hands clenching on her old green scout uniform.

- - -

She was seven months along when he first admitted that he's in love with her.

Well, he didn't admit it directly.

For someone who can easily throw an insult, Levi's shit at words. He made his love known and he didn't even say it to her.

He said it to her belly instead, and Petra almost died at how adorable it all is.

"Your mom's a handful, you know?" was the first thing Petra heard when consciousness starts to return back to her. Sometimes she'd fall asleep in the early evenings just before Levi comes back home. He'd let himself in on most days so that he won't disturb her slumber.

Hearing Levi talk to the baby wasn't something new for Petra. He started addressing her belly since the first time he felt the kid kick. Sometimes, he'd have (one-sided) conversations with her belly as if Petra wasn't even there. Hell, he was even more talkative to the unborn baby than when he's planning an expedition with their squad.

This was one of those moments.

Petra was about to pipe up and greet him a welcome back when he continued.

"If she wasn't the most reckless and beautiful woman I've ever met, I wouldn't have put up with all that shit she'd pulled." Petra's heart flutters. Levi rarely uses words of affection as his love language. He'd always made his feelings known through late night runs to resupply their strawberries just because she was craving them, or by offering to massage her swollen feet for someone who's a real clean freak.

"Don't tell your mom that I cursed." Levi continues as he settles down on the bed to rub her belly. "She'd have my head."

Levi must've been really tired if he didn't notice that she's already awake. He did mention this morning that Erwin was forcing him to catch up on a lot of paperwork the whole day. Still, Petra kept her eyes closed, wanting to hear what he says next.

"Did you know that there was this time when she broke formation to save a horse from being stepped on by a titan?" Levi said before murmuring to her belly: "I can't believe I'm in love with someone that crazy."

- - -

On the eight month, he proposed to her.

"Levi, you don't have to." She tells him, trying to stop the smile from beaming on her face. Her hand subconsciously goes to her round tummy, as if to share to the little one how his daddy can be so silly sometimes.

"Tch. What makes you think I 'have' to?" Levi says. "I want to. Now, tell me that at least you liked the ring because that cost me three years' worth of budget for our cleaning supplies."

He said it so nonchalantly but Petra can always tell whenever Levi is nervous deep down. She recently learned the truth about his past and she knows that the thought of a child of his being a bastard, the same way that he is, didn't sit right with him.

Petra gives him a peck on the cheek and presented her hand so that he can slide it on her ring finger.

"I love it."

- - -

On her ninth month, Levi requested a paternity leave the week she's due to give birth. It always amazes Petra how someone who seemed so cold can be such a great father before the child was even born.

"Are you sure?" she asks. "You won't get behind on work right? You've always been horrible at keeping up with paperwork."

"Don't get too full of yourself," he scoffs. "Just because you're not helping me anymore doesn't mean I can't get them done."

"I also don't trust our neighbours enough to take you to a clean hospital," he later adds.

Petra was excited because this means she gets Levi for a whole week. The last time they got this much time together she was still in the scouts. So she took full advantage of it, demanding that he take her out on a date.

"You won't reject your wonderful, bloated wife, would you?" Petra waddles over to him, asking him with puppy dog eyes.

"God, woman. Are you serious? What if your water broke while we're having dinner?" He snaps back.

"Come onnn. I've been stuck in this house for a week now!" She pouts. "You worry too much, Levi."

"No, I'm just not as reckless as you are." He tells with a hint of fondness in his voice.

- - -

Petra gives birth to a healthy baby boy on the 9th of June, and Levi spent the whole duration of the labor pacing outside her hospital room. His passive face doesn't reveal much since he looks like he was only frowning constantly. On the inside though, he feels his heart lurch every time he hears Petra scream in pain and exertion.

He can't remember how many nurses he'd snapped at. Some of them would even hurry away when he tried approaching them to ask Petra's condition. The head nurse was adamant he stay outside though, telling him that his wife is fine.

Hours later, they finally allowed him in and a nurse handed him a bundle. At first, he was confused because all he wanted to do was rush to his wife who's currently sweaty, tired and asleep on the bed.

It only dawned onto him that what he's holding is his child.

Levi's whole body freezes, and the first thing that came to mind is Kenny.

I'm going to be a shitty father, he thinks, mind spiralling down to the many ways for things to fuck up. I'm going to end up abandoning him and he'll hate me forever.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when the baby gave a gentle coo, eyes blinking open to reveal amber orbs. Levi stares down at his child and awkwardly reaches out a finger towards his face. His son immediately latches on to his skin, a tiny palm attempting to encircle around his finger, and Levi can feel a ghost of a smile forming on his face.

"Hi, brat." He sees from the corner of his eye that some of the nurses raise an eyebrow at that. He'd been talking to the kid for months now through Petra's belly and this is when he's speechless?

Petra wakes up to find her husband fighting back sleep on a chair beside her bed. His hands were wrapped protectively around what seems like a bundle of cloth and he's clutching it to his chest.

He snaps out of his drowsy state when he sees her eyes open. "You're awake."

Petra hums. "Is... is that him?"

Levi nods and Petra's eyes light up despite the exhaustion weighing them down. He moves to pass on the baby boy to her, leaving a kiss on her sweaty forehead before he sits back down on the chair. He's not surprised that Petra started tearing up.

"Oh, Levi... he's so beautiful." Petra leans down to pepper kisses on the child's sleeping face. "He looks just like you."

Levi had never felt peace like this for awhile. A sick and sad part of him feared that if he'll blink his eyes closed, all these will disappear once he opens them.

He received a congratulatory letter from Mitras that same evening, forwarded to him by Erwin.

"Who's it from?" Petra asks as she nurses their baby. She's glowing, and even though she's a sweaty mess right now, he can't help but think that this is the most beautiful state he'd seen her in.

"Nothing. Just some report from Eyebrows," Levi answers.

He threw the letter away without even reading. He'd rather not have his mood ruined right now.

- - -

"He's awake?" Levi groggily asks from their bed.

Petra nods, rocking little Theo in her arms. "I'm praying that he won't inherit his father's insomniac habits."

Levi sits up, opening his arms to quietly ask Petra to hand over the baby to him. "Go to sleep Petra. I'll take care of him."

His wife hums as her body hits the bed, cuddling closer to Levi who's currently sitting up against the bed frame. She throws an arm around his waist while he holds their 4-month-old child, attempting to rock him back to sleep. Little Theo's amber eyes just stares up at him, black hair tousled from all his fussing.

"Oi, kid. Let your mom rest." Levi pokes his button nose, earning him a cute little giggle from the baby. "I'm blaming you if she gets all grumpy on me tomorrow."

Petra lightly slaps his abdomen, a small smile on her face while her eyes remain closed.

Once his family settles down, with Petra now asleep and his son's eyes gradually getting drowsier as the minutes pass, he allows himself to drown in his thoughts. Having a son was both a joy and a sorrow at the same time.

Hange always teased him at how much of family man he's become, not expecting that a grumpy recluse like him who's willing to kick the asses of recruits would be so protective of his own little family. His motivation now during each expedition is just to come back as soon as he can to his wife and son.

He sometimes daydreams about leaving it all, packing everything up and leaving their home, his position in the scouts and finding the three of them a safe space to stay away from the military's demands and interests. Little Theo wouldn't end up getting pressured to join the Survey Corps or any other regiment once he comes of age and he and Petra can have another child or even two on their own terms.

For so long, his commitment to the scouts' cause has mostly been tied to the past, wanting to give meaning to his comrades' deaths. This is the first time he looked towards the future. For the first time, he's hopes for something—he hopes for a time when his son wouldn't even be forced to join the military, no matter how decorated the title they would give him. Now, he leaves for expeditions envisioning a future where they can go beyond these stuffy walls, where he can teach Theo how to ride a horse without the intention to prepare him for a mission. It's for a future where he'd teach his son to fight, just because the boy is curious and not because he needs to survive.

He doesn't know what little Theo's future will look like. For now, all Levi can do is protect his family.

#rivetra #rivapet #rivapeto #levi x petra #petra x levi #rivetra fanfiction #rivetra fanfic

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