#GODDAMN THE FIRST PART OF THIS TOOK FOREVER

[tamamatango]

“Holy shit they actually froggin did it”: A Keroro Gunso anime revival preliminary info and speculation post (late as hell edition)

Okay first of all,

AWAKEN

That’s right, vanished-into-the-void bastard Kirb here, I am an alive person still, though I’m certain a lot of stuff on this blog is horrifically outdated. Don’t get too used to my presence, I’m a whole ass adult with a 9-to-5 now and don’t really have the energy to put into consistently maintaining this account, at least not to the degree that I used to (took me well over a whole ass MONTH just to write this post). However, I’ve returned for a special occasion, as basically anyone still in this fandom is already aware considering it’s been forever now:

We are so fucking back

It took thirteen years and counting, but here we are, a brand new Keroro anime project is in the works—no “the short anime of all time” Flash series here, this is the real deal, straight out of 2004–2011, and goddamn is it beautiful. I might’ve been off the mark when I called it for the 15th anniversary, but it’s now the 20th, five years later, and the madmen did what was once thought impossible by many.

So let’s break down what the hell is actually going on here, because when this got revealed last month, Keroro fans on all sides of the globe basically started collectively running around like headless chickens. I’m gonna divide this aggregation post into the following sections:

Where did this even come from

Clearing up misconceptions

Okay so like what is “““Project”””

Collection of statements from official accounts, staff and cast, etc.

The Localization Question (TM)

Miscellaneous thoughts that don’t really fit anywhere else

I was originally going to make this a living document of sorts but some small stuff has already happened since I started drafting this the day after the reveal happened, so this should be it for the time being. It’s a hefty enough post as is. I am just a master procrastinator :V

That takes care of all the goofy intro nonsense, now for the parts you actually want to read, starting underneath the cut!

Section 1: The Signs Were There

As previously stated, 2024 is the 20th anniversary of the Keroro anime, along with the 25th anniversary of the manga’s serialization but apprently even they don’t care about that since they’ve made no fanfare around it whatsoever, unlike the joint 15th & 20th anniversary back in 2019. Maybe they will as we get closer to the manga anniversary in November, but for now-obvious reasons the anime has been overshadowing the manga side by a lot.

If you’ve been monitoring the Keroro PR account on Twitter (you bet your ass I’m still calling it that) you’ll have noticed an increasing output of Stuff over the last year or two, even compared to the prior anniversary. These include but are not limited to:

In 2021, the series opened an official YouTube Channel, where they’ve been doing reruns of the anime (region locked to Japan), PR podcasts, etc. It’s also where the revival announcement premiered on April 1 at midnight JST.

In 2023, the series opened an official Fan Club with a paid membership. Originally it was a temporary project meant to last for only the two anniversary years (2023 for the pilot oneshot’s anniversary, and 2024 for the anime/manga), but was ultimately extended indefinitely due to “good reception” (my guess is it was always planned to be more than two years but they didn’t want to make it too easy to guess as early as last year that the anime was returning lol). They have a merch store, giveaways, and some kind of social component. I don’t know much about it otherwise because it’s a paid membership that I don’t have access to.

The series has had an overall increase in merchandise and collabs since 2022 or so. This has pretty much always been the case, but there was a bit of a lull between the Flash series ending and the ramp-up period to this (I’d start at 2021 when the YouTube channel opened). Save for the 15th/20th stuff in 2019, for which the major project was Keroro UC, a spinoff manga/plamo line that just…never released all the models and has never been brought up again. Guess it didn’t do very well :V

A number of international releases/rereleases happened as well, but I’ll get into that a little bit more in its dedicated section. For now let’s just say that the anime being finally licensed and put up on streaming in North America may indicate the new series will be English translated in some capacity. It’s also made a resurgence in Korea, its biggest market outside Japan, where it’s had new exhibitions and collab cafes, a redub (that only got through 2 seasons I think), and even a new mobile game.

And finally, a week or so before the announcement, a new Twitter account was created specifically for the anime side of the brand. I think this was really the big tip-off, as Keroro PR has been the hub for all things related to the franchise for the last nearly 15 years, even when the original anime itself was still running during Twitter’s infancy. Keroro PR has posted everything for every other anime anniversary. The fact that now all of a sudden they had to sector off the anime stuff into its own account made it clear something bigger was going on. (Accordingly, the Keroro Anime account has labeled Keroro PR the “original work” account, AKA the manga side of things.)

Essentially I think they’ve been planning this to some degree since as long ago as 2021, the first time the president of Bandai Namco Pictures (animation studio comprised of Sunrise staff that took over the Keroro IP in 2015 and are now producing the new anime) openly acknowledged the possibility. I’ll just link my own tweet with the translation of his statement here. This was right around the opening of the YouTube channel, so I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

tl;dr Momentum for the anime component of the franchise has been building for the past couple of years pointing toward a new anime around the 20th anniversary, so I wouldn’t say this comes off as a huge surprise, though I was expecting something smaller scale than what we might be getting (more on that in the “what is this” section).

Section 2: No It’s Not April Fools, Guys, Plus Other Clarifications

With the announcement spreading across the internet, I’ve seen a few points of confusion going around that I’d like to clear up before I go any further.

As I’ve made clear in the section title, yes the new anime was revealed on April 1, no this is not a prank. A lot of Japanese companies do post April Fools pranks, but keep in mind April also marks the start of the new fiscal year in Japan, so many legitimate announcements are made as well. Plus, the original anime’s exact anniversary was on April 3, just a couple of days after the announcement.

I’ve seen a lot of people call this a new series, season, etc., but officially, the only term used to describe this so far is “new anime project”. That could mean literally anything, from TV series to movie to ONA and so on. I am leaning closer to a certain interpretation, which is what the entire next section is for, but for the time being, calling it anything other than “new anime” is technically not concrete info.

There seems to be a little bit of confusion on what studio is working on this, but in short: it's Bandai Namco Pictures (BN Pictures or BNP for short). As previously mentioned, this is the studio that inherited the Keroro IP when it spun off from Sunrise in 2015. Sunrise, the anime's original studio, is now a brand name for the larger anime management company Bandai Namco Filmworks. Although they've held the IP for almost a decade, this is the first time they've really gotten to do anything with it besides merchandise licensing and some anti-piracy commercial from a few years ago that they’ve ironically scrubbed from the internet now. If you've seen the name Studio BIND (Mushoku Tensei, Onimai) floating around, they're assisting with the production but are not the primary animation studio. Of course this is all assuming this setup continues on to the final project and not just for the PV, but I see no reason to assume otherwise at the moment. It would be rather unusual for BNP to outsource anything if it was solely for a 30 second trailer.

I think that does it for the main points of contention I wanted to address for now, so moving on to the thing we all really want to know…

Section 3: Okay But What Is It Actually???

Well, as I said in the previous section—we don't know, lol. At least not officially. But if we put our thinking caps on, we can make a few deductions:

The anime project will be broadcast on TV. In other words, it won't be an ONA (original net animation). This is determined based on the fact that TV Tokyo, the network the original anime aired on, is on the production committee. For those who don't know, a production committee for an anime is the collection of parties/companies who contribute to the production and funding of the anime. For comparison, the Keroro Flash Series, which aired only on the TV channel Animax to accompany a dedicated timeslot for the original anime reruns, did not have TV Tokyo in its committee. So, it will likely air on TV Tokyo once again.

It's (probably) not a movie. This is going to be more evidenced by point 3 than anything, but BNP has been pretty clear about when something is a movie specifically in the past, such as when Kaiketsu Zorori had various feature films in the 2010s before getting an actual TV anime revival in 2020. Still, we can't be 100% sure until someone directly says otherwise.

It's going to be more than a one-off. I will post the statement in full in the next section, but the Keroro PR account uses specific wording (“resumption,” “new start,” etc.) that sounds very much like they’re making a longer term commitment, so this is straight from the horse’s mouth, essentially.

The series will be a continuation of the 2004-2011 series rather than a reboot. This one’s probably my flimsiest prediction as the PR statements sort of obfuscate whether it’s one or the other, but the character bios section on the new anime portal site gives away a big hint: the Garuru Platoon, Pururu included, is there. This means that we can reason that, at minimum, all or part of Season 3 has already occurred. The character bios themselves also summarize things that weren’t revealed until a little while into the show, such as how Momoka and Tamama met. That all said, the Garuru Platoon members do not have bios, so I suppose they want to keep what’s being done with them a bit of a secret; perhaps they intend to reintroduce them with some kind of dramatic arc again. Either way, if the series does retread/retell some old material, it probably won’t be the bulk of the story. This makes sense to me, as it’s not like the show has been so hard to find in the last decade that a reboot is necessary to get a modern audience on board—it reruns constantly on kids’ TV channels like the Japanese version of Cartoon Network, is available in full on multiple streaming platforms (movies included), and is now on its second rebroadcast of the whole series episode by episode on the YouTube Channel. Unless you’re a literal toddler, if you’re interested in the series, you’ve probably watched at least some of it already.

In conclusion, based on the above (admittedly sparse) evidence, I am inclined to believe the new anime project is a TV series that will air on TV Tokyo as the 2004 anime did and will be a continuation rather than a reboot; however, there is no way to determine episode length, episode count, etc. at this time. It could be a cour (for those who don't know anime, "cour" is your average 12-episode season), it could be consecutive cours, it could be split cour (in other words, goes on break for a season before returning), it could even be a year-round anime if they really wanna go all the way with it. Granted, I hesitate to believe that they would do the latter simply due to the nature of anime production these days, and as far as I know, BNP has not done a single year-round airing since its founding. Even the aforementioned Kaiketsu Zorori revival was a two cour (24-25 eps) series each year from 2020-2022. My guess is we're looking at something similar here, but Keroro is a pretty big deal, so could they make an exception? Maybe, but this setup would already lead to more episodes than the vast majority of anime these days, so it would still be plenty enough to be happy with.

Considering all this and the list of numerous hints that we were potentially getting a new anime as far back as three years ago as bulleted in Section 1, you might question what made me doubt that it could be a series in the first place. Well, besides just the series being so old and it being so long since the anime ended that it felt a little like wishful thinking, at least three members of the cast said that a new series was not something they were specifically looking to do...I think, anyway. Let me explain.

Last year, on December 9, a Keroro birthday event with Kumiko Watanabe (Keroro), Etsuko Kozakura (Tamama), and Takeshi Kusao (Dororo) was hosted in person and livestreamed on TwitCast for fans that paid for a ticket. There were two timeslots for the in person event, and only the evening show was streamed, with the afternoon one being in person only. Now that I have adult money, and being the impulse driven gremlin that I am, I paid for the virtual ticket. Most of it was just cute little segments like the three cast members doing live commentary on some of the birthday episodes, discussing the results of a “favorite lines from their characters” poll hosted on Twitter a few weeks before the event, and a brief visit from Jashin-chan of Jashin-chan Dropkick/Dropkick on My Devil, a series that Keroro recently collabed with for a series of merchandise. Unfortunately the event wasn't archived publicly and they specifically asked to not upload materials to social media, and I'd like to respect that request mostly out of consideration for the cast, so you will just have to take my word for it :P (besides those who were watching me talk about it in real time on discord).

The reason I'm going on this tangent is because, at the end of the stream, a special prerecorded video featuring the three cast members was shown exclusively for virtual attendees. In it they essentially explained that they still greatly enjoy the characters/series and would love to partake in more events and projects, but "not necessarily a new series." I promise you I listened to this clip over and over the entire time it was available and that's what I heard. Now look, the room they recorded this in was echo-y, and my Japanese is pretty decent (enough for my N2 anyways, yeah I did that while I was away from here clap clap) but listening comprehension is my weaker area, so maybe I just take a massive L here. When I started writing this post there was a sentence here guessing about whether they were just being cheeky or didn’t know yet, but an interview came out last month that gave what’s all but a conclusive answer to that. More on it in the next section but tl;dr, they likely did not know it was happening at all. Well, at least they got to be as surprised as we were :V

Anyways now that the thing has been revealed none of the last two paragraphs even matter, so I just prattled on for no reason besides to admit my own shame. Next bit.

Section 4: SAUCE PLOX??? (Current testimonies from relevant people/entities)

Naturally, when the trailer dropped, we got a pretty decent handful of comments from whatever staff and cast are on social media. Most of these are just people going “yay we’re back hooray!” (paraphrased) but the Keroro PR account statements are actually kinda sorta hints? So I’ll start out with those. There’s two tweets that I want to highlight here:

First is from April 1 (JST), the day of the reveal. In this tweet the account wishes everyone well for the new school/fiscal year, but the important part is the last sentence, This can be translated any number of ways (thanks to yoroshiku onegaishimasu and its 50 potential meanings, every Japanese translator’s worst nightmare), but essentially it’s something along the lines of “we hope you’ll support the restart/resumption of the Keroro anime for a long time to come.”

The keywords here are obvious: 再始動 (saishidou) meaning either restart or resumption. I know you’re probably thinking those are two very different things, but the nuance here is that it’s more of a restart in production than restart of the continuity. For the latter, I think it’s more common to see リメイク, which is just the English word “remake” in katakana. Worth noting that the Flash anime used none of these words in its marketing, but it did use language such as “brand new invasion plan,” “rebirth of Keroro,” and so on…in addition to, you know, having a completely different artstyle and a title change to just “Keroro”, which this clearly does not (the artstyle is relatively faithful to the old one and the project is under the original Keroro Gunso name).

The other big word is 末永く(suenagaku), which…also doesn’t have one exact translation, but implies somewhere between years or even an indefinite period of time. I didn’t want to say a specific unit of time in my translation of the statement because well, we can’t really be sure of anything here, but either way, they’re signaling that they’re most likely in it for the long haul.

Then there’s the tweet from the PR account commemorating the actual anniversary of the original anime (April 3). This one uses 新しいスタート, “new start”—no real multiple definition shenanigans here, this is about as literal and straightforward as you can get. In terms of the reboot or not question, this could lean either way, but it definitely adds to theory that it is a series of some sort.

Okay, that’s all for the individual tweets I’m gonna totally overanalyze, otherwise I’d be stuck here for even longer than I already have been. Here’s a quick list of involved staff who tweeted about the reveal:

Unsurprisingly, Kumiko Watanabe (Keroro) posted that day, reiterating that it is real and saying “believe usssss!” (As a reminder, half the internet was convinced it was April Fools for like a whole week)

Adding to the cast comments, Etsuko Kozakura (Tamama) says, “Whoo-hoo! Can’t wait for more news! Keroro Gunso is still the greatest!!”

Jouji Nakata (Giroro) didn’t make a specific comment about the trailer, but has been retweeting the other official accounts and such and replying about it, so he has acknowledged it otherwise. As a substitute, here’s a picture of him visiting the Keroro Exhbition in Ikebukuro a day early.

Here’s an interesting one—Haruna Ikezawa (Momoka) said about the trailer, “Really?! Is this real?!?!?!” While no cast members outside of the Keroro Platoon were officially revealed to be reprising their roles, I’m assuming they’re going to try their best to reassemble as much of the cast as of season 7 as possible—besides Keiji Fujiwara (Paul/Narrator), who sadly passed away in 2020—so I kind of figured Ikezawa would know about this, but maybe not…? Well, considering that the main five were completely blindsided by this to the point where they weren’t even sure this was a real thing until they were in the middle of recording it (as I said previously, more on that later), I suppose the other cast members were just. Not told. I don’t really doubt Ikezawa would return (she even stated it could happen someday all the way back when the then-final season ended in 2011 and did come back for Flash)…but unless they were like really worried about leaks why even keep them in the dark to learn with the rest of the public, idk man :V (so much for not overanalyzing tweets huh)

On to production staff now, here’s the tweet from Satoshi Koike, animation director of the latter third of the original and also the reveal trailer, indicating that he’s most likely back for the new project. It’s just a simple “Welcome back! (de arimasu)” but the images he used were drawn back in 2019 to commemorate the start of the Reiwa era, spoofing the original lyrics of the first opening. The reveal trailer tweet itself from the Keroro Anime account does this too (“Starting today, the Reiwa era shall be known as the Keroro era!”).

New to the staff is Jouji Furuta (yes we have two Joujis now har har), who did the storyboards and direction for the trailer. He’s relatively new to the scene as a whole, with his most well known project being Shaman King Flowers. Although he never worked on the series before, he did a pretty good job emulating the original, and based on the last line of the tweet, it seems like he will be staying on for the full project as well.

And now for a kind of weird section where I talk about the few related accounts that the Keroro anime twitter is following but haven’t made any kind of verbal acknowledgement yet.

First and foremost is Mine Yoshizaki—you know, the guy who created the fucking series, whose name is on the copyright string and whose explicit permission they had to get to do another anime in the first place? Yeah so it’s been over a month since the reveal now and there has been zero acknowledgement from him. I do know his personal social media account has been inactive for quite a few years now (I feel like the anime account is only even following it for symbolic reasons), but he had multiple other opportunities to say something at this point. He did contribute some signed artwork to the anime-focused exhibition that just ended but nowhere in it does he directly mention the new adaptation, and so far he hasn’t commented on it in Shonen Ace (maybe in the next volume, assuming that’s soonish). I have my theories about his relationship to the anime, especially now that the Kemono Friends fiasco has occurred, but that’s all a story for another day or never. I’m sure he’ll contribute something later, but even so it’s just really bizarre to have nothing to say about your biggest creation’s first new adaptation in over a decade. Oh well.

Character designer Fumitoshi Oizaki, who has been around since the beginning if I remember correctly, has been retweeting things, but no official comment just yet. (He discretely left a message at the expo apparently, but didn’t post it online, so no idea if it mentions the new anime.) He isn’t credited on the trailer, but considering he’s still been pretty involved with the franchise’s promotion over the last few years, I would be very surprised if he wasn’t returning.

Last but certainly not least is Junichi Sato, the chief director for the original anime for the first two seasons, arguably its most well-known and critically praised era. He’s also a very notable director in his own right, having headed other famous series like early Sailor Moon and Ojamajo Doremi. Sato didn’t direct the original anime for the majority of its runtime (though he did direct the first four movies), but he still directs and storyboards on projects to this day, including for other franchises’ major anniversaries (namely Doremi and Precure). Though not certain, I think it’s very possible that he returns for this in some capacity, if not as director than perhaps for storyboarding or general advising.

To close out the testimony section, I’m going to share here the translation I did of the aforementioned interview with Kumiko Watanabe in last month’s issue of Newtype (anime-centric magazine published by Kadokawa). I won’t re-summarize it here since it’s not particularly long, but the main takeaways from this in terms of hints as to what we can expect are that a) the cast was surprised by this and potentially didn’t even know back in December when they last discussed the possibility of working on Keroro again, and b) as I previously speculated, this is going to be a long term enough project that at least Watanabe feels the need to physically prepare for it lol. And thankfully, it seems they’re all excited to go back to the series. I spent a long time thinking they might not be up to it again since it’s been so long and they’re much later in their lives/careers (Nakata just turned 70 oh man) but I’m glad I was wrong! Though I don’t expect this to be another 300 episode commitment anyway; in spite of the PR comments I don’t think we’re going for that long with the nature of anime production these days lmao.

And now for a topic which I think many of you are concerned about…

Section 5: “But what if my 日本語 is not 上手???” (The Localization Question)

If you did not get the joke in the above headline without looking it up, it’s probably safe to assume that if you want to watch this Thing, you will need it in a language other than Japanese (and even if you did get the joke you will know if you are truly 日本語上手 when people stop saying 日本語上手 to you). I’m going to focus on English for this post since that’s the primary language of the audience here, though I would be very shocked if there isn’t at minimum a Korean translation—dub more likely than sub imo, since the most famous version of the show there had different names for the characters and was changed to be set in Korea, and the series is HUGE there to the point where it almost rivals the Japanese market.

So, English. Well, if it were a few years ago (say, if this came during the 15th anniversary like I was originally coping over), I would be markedly less optimistic about getting any official translation at all. At that time, the dub was explicitly dead and the only English sub had been delisted for a few years, and even that was only available in a select few countries in Continental Europe on a pretty obscure streaming service called Viewster for like a year or two before getting pulled. It’s no surprise that this particular sub eventually became more well known as the subs on the torrents compiled by ColdFusion (whoever that was, I’m still not sure myself). That was until…

…the magical year of 2021, when our heroes at Discotek licensed the ENTIRE SERIES (minus the movies) for an official English release using Viewster’s existing translations! That’s right, we got all of it. And not only that, the whole series was also added to Crunchyroll, though only the sub; Discotek had the Funimation dub but it seems it did not get ported to Crunchyroll when the merger happened this year. It does seem that Crunchy has still not made the series available outside of the US and Canada, which is a shame, but man is it still surreal to have the entire series legally available both digitally and physically after nearly two decades of scattered fansubs and hardly accessible official releases. Surely this was a huge win for Discotek, right?

Weeeeeell…no. Of course they weren’t able to say it out loud, but it’s been extremely heavily implied that unfortunately the BluRay/DVD releases flopped for them, and they did say they definitely won’t be getting the movies or the Flash series. They also stopped releasing the discs on a one season a year basis and started bundling them together, with seasons 5–7 coming out all at once later this year, so they’re clearly trying to just get it off their plates. To be honest, this was pretty predictable because…it’s been on Crunchyroll since before the discs even came out. Look, physical media is super cool and all, but who in this economy is going to pay $40-60 per box for a handful of seasons at most when they can get the whole damn thing on their phone for like $8 a month. Crunchyroll isn’t necessarily a disc killer; their release of Digimon Adventure, for example, still seemingly did well despite that series being available on Crunchyroll two years prior, but in addition to Digimon being more popular in the west, it’s one $60 purchase for the whole series versus having to spend like over $200 for 358 episodes. I applaud them for rolling the dice and trying to get this behemoth of a release out there, but I’m not surprised about the lack of financial returns.

However, since Crunchyroll now has set a precedent of having the original series available on their platform, we just might get the new series available on there as well—if not as a simulsub, then at least dropped in batches later on. I’m not 100% confident in this, particularly because technically Discotek still holds the license, but my guess based on the way they’ve talked about the series is that they’re pretty open to someone else taking it off their hands when they’re done releasing the original series (and the translations weren’t originally theirs to begin with anyways, they purchased them and did some touch-ups to the existing translation with added typesetting). As far as simulsubs go, the kids’ shows that get simulsubbed tend to be from Toei, with whom Crunchyroll has a known partnership. But if it is split into cours rather than being a year-round anime, I think the chances of a simulsub go up. Whatever the case may be, it’s for sure in a better position to get an official subtitled release than it ever was before. I’m certainly praying this happens because I believe most of the people capable of fansubbing (with good translation anyway) have gradually moved away from the fandom over the last decade for various reasons—myself included, though mostly I just quit fansubbing/scanlation in general for Personal Reasons(TM). Fingers crossed, everyone.

So subs remain as a not-guaranteed-but- definitely-not-low possibility. But what about a dub? If you recall, Keroro has had a very rocky history in 3D with English dubs, with the American dub being in licensing hell for years before finally falling into Funimation’s lap and subsequently failing to take off despite remaining a beloved cult classic to Some Fans (I am not as high on it, but longtime Kirb followers probably know that by now), and the only other English dub is relegated to the network Animax in Hong Kong + Southeast Asia with no official home release, leaving all of it besides parts of seasons 3 and 4 as lost media (and the voice acting sucked ass but at least the script was accurate). But we’re not in the mid 2000s to early 2010s anymore; this is the screamin’ ’20s, baby! So much anime is getting dubbed now, sometimes at almost the same time as the Japanese release! There must be a chance, right?!

Eeeehhhhhh I wouldn’t bet on it. Even the Toei kids’ shows Crunchyroll started simulsubbing usually don’t get dubs (Digimon is an exception, and the reboot’s dub took YEARS to come out). Anime dubs, as far as I’m aware, are not cheap to produce (though it’d be great if more of what the companies are pocketing went to the actors’ wages >_>), and if the show does have the potential to become somewhat of a long runner, I think they’ll need to see more interest around the IP to fund one, and both Funimation and now Discotek’s releases have proved that the audience for it isn’t always there. I also speculate they’d be doing a lot of recasting; the casting process is not as smooth and (I believe) more expensive than it is in Japan, and a lot of the original cast are not working as often in the field anymore and/or have been involved with some pretty serious controversies—I’m sure those in the know are thinking of a specific drawn-out conflict but I’m pretty sure it’s more than just About Him at this point. So let’s just say that while some of the cast still remembers the show fondly, I think trying to get them all in the same project again would potentially open some cans of worms better off left closed. It’s not 100% impossible it gets dubbed, you never know what the industry can manage to make work these days, but I’d wager it’s like 90% not happening. Just a hunch. If anyone more knowledgable than me on anime localization (this goes for both the dub and sub stuff) would like to argue me with better explanations than I have I’d very much be glad to hear it.

Section 6: The Stuff That Doesn’t Fit Elsewhere + Final Thoughts

There’s not going to be any real organization to this section. Here’s just some bullets of miscellaneous stream of consciousness thoughts related to whatever:

The character bios page on the site linked in section 3 has some WEIRD romanization choices. I don’t expect these to reflect on any official localization because chances are they’ll go with what Viewster used, which is largely what the fandom is used to besides the Kululu/Kururu split. It is indeed Kululu here and Kululu has been the de facto official spelling for a very very long time now but I still have a personal preference for Kururu because “Kululu” loses the onomatopoeia joke and I’m a rebel. But like. “Tololo”? Since when has Tororo ever been called that in any media? And worst of all, “Pole”? POLE?? That’s literally never been a thing what glossary did they pull these from.

Also worth noting, Alisa and the Narrator had merchandise sold at the Keroro expo (will talk about that next btw) despite not being on the characters page. This isn’t a confirmation of anything but I would be very surprised if Alisa doesn’t return at some point since she was pretty prominent later in the show and Yoshizaki seems to have a particular fondness for her, and the Narrator will obviously be there with a recast, though jury’s out on if his little ’sona guy will show up too. It won’t be the same without Fujiwara :(

I do want to touch upon the “Keroro expo”, officially known as the “Keroro Gunso Super Gerogero Museum” (expo is a fine shorthand because the Japanese word can mean exhibition also), since I’ve mentioned it a couple times throughout this write-up. This was an event that was held in Ikebukuro just recently from April 27–May 12 that was basically a walkthrough experience recreating settings from the anime, having artwork and stuff sprinkled in between (all reused, no new concept art or anything sadly). The main gimmick was that the venue had an exclusive app that let you take AR pictures with models of the Keroro Platoon. It also had an AI chatbot feature where you could talk to each member of the platoon, and not too many posted pictures of this feature but apparently the chatbots were uhhhhhh weird. I have no idea how much of it is generative from other LLMs, and I’m assuming they programmed it at least partially with their own original input/databases (which is the only way to make generative AI even close to ethical), but from the few screenshots I’ve seen their speech was just a little bit awkward and some of the stuff they said was really bizarre. At one point users started to turn it into an otome game and successfully romanced the frogs, which I’m assuming is a little bit out of the bounds of what they were expecting from this experiment. If they do release that app publicly at some point—they labeled the version at the expo to be a “test version,” so maybe—I sincerely hope they at least fine tune it because Good Lord. Finally and maybe most importantly, there were new voice lines recorded for the exhibit to give it an audio-drama type simple story, but unfortunately it was probably not archived because video recording was not allowed inside the venue. The platoon all had new voice lines along with Fuyuki and Natsumi, reportedly still played by Houko Kuwashima and Chiwa Saito respectively, so most likely they will return to reprise the roles for the new anime, though I don’t think those two were much in question. That’s really like the only important part of this for the purposes of this post I’m not sure why I mentioned anything else here actually. AI chatbot Dororo wants you to know he enjoys tickles from Giroro and Tamama. Yeah this thing’s a little fucked

I didn’t want to get too deep into this in section 3 because it’s not really a production related question, but…are Shin Keroro and related new characters gonna be in this or not? For what it’s worth the site seems to count the Flash series as part of the anniversary celebration, and screenshots with Shin in them are there even if he is completely absent from the character page. Flash was a total reboot so I don’t think it will be that exact iteration of the character if he is in the new anime, but there must be some way to work his stuff into the existing anime canon even with its many differences from the manga. Honestly I think the main obstacle to him appearing is just that the guy is not very popular lol. He’s hardly in the manga anymore and Tomosu and Myou are in it even less. I’m not sure if it was just franchise fatigue following the end of the anime but the reception to Shin was very meh across the board (at least among longtime fans, kids might’ve liked him I think. Which makes sense). So I could totally see them skipping him entirely. There’s still a lot of post-anime manga-only stories without his involvement at all, some that included him but he could easily be changed to some other character, and for the stories that revolved around him, well, the Flash anime got to a decent amount of them. This could really go either way but for now I’m going to lean toward him not being included. If he’s put in I think it will not be until the “second season” (whatever the definition of that ends up being) so we can be eased back in to the existing cast first before shaking things up significantly.

I like the new artstyle, assuming it carries over from the trailer to the final project. It looks like they hit a happy medium between the early and late artstyles of the original anime. This is the most obvious with the human cast who haven’t received new official artwork by Koike and/or Oizaki in a looooong time, and they look much better than the last time we saw them in season 7 where everyone got weirdly lanky for some reason.

Okay FINALLY I’m done here for now I think. At the time of writing we’re pretty much just in a “wait and see” phase with no other real concrete info around that I haven’t touched upon in this post. Trust me, I’ve tried digging for more, but I couldn’t find anything really interesting staff-wise and very few of the staff credited in the trailer are even on social media (sometimes staff can be a bit loose-lipped so it’s possible to get hints there). I’ve also checked every nook and cranny of the official sites of both animation studios and the companies on the production committee and turned up with nothing of note. I’m hoping we get some more info at least sometime between now and autumn.

Thanks for reading all the way to the end (or speedscrolling here, don’t worry I won’t be disappointed lol). I hope you found it informative even though I probably spent way too much time yapping about dumb shit. It took me entirely too long to write this post, but I don’t have as much time as I did as a teenager and it’s been a good few years since I’ve done a really deep dive into Keroro stuff. Needless to say, I’m beyond excited for this project and can’t wait to see how the last seven years of me huffing unhealthy amounts of copium pays off. I’ve had like a month and a half to sit on it now and it honestly still doesn’t feel real!

I will most likely return to report when we get some amount of substantial info—hopefully with way fewer words lmao. Until next time! Ge-gero~

[backpackingspace]

Okay but xie lian really do just being lying the whole series

[heytheredelulu]

Simple

Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Imagine

ALL OF MY WORK IS 18+

Word Count: 1k (It’s a quickie)

C/W: It’s all smut. It’s literally nothing but cock sucking, okay?

Bucky Barnes enjoyed the simple pleasures in life.

A heaping stack of warm, buttery pancakes drizzled in maple syrup.

A glass of oaky, barrel aged bourbon, neat.

The sultry, nostalgic, slow jazz of the 40’s playing over the speakers he still couldn’t quite figure out how to connect his Bluetooth to.

His copy of J.R.R. Tolkien’s “The Hobbit”, worn and weathered from all the times he’d read it cover to cover while lounged lazily in his oversized armchair.

But perhaps the greatest pleasure he enjoyed was the feeling of his pretty baby’s pink, swollen lips wrapped around his thick and needy cock.

He’d had plenty of blowjobs before, many hot, wet mouths gagging on the impressive length of him but none, none of those encounters could ever compare to your ministrations.

He was smitten with you long before you’d knelt before him but it wasn’t until the first time you sucked the very soul from his body through his throbbing cock that he was fucking done for.

You were his, forever.

There was just something so beautiful about the way your soft hums of contentment vibrated through his shaft like you were singing him the chorus to the sweetest song ever composed.

The way your eyes fixed on him half lidded, attentive and responsive to his every twitch and pulse against your tongue. It wasn’t just the sheer skill of pleasing him that you possessed but the level at which you so clearly enjoyed the act itself.

Your eager wiggle on your knees while you suckled at his frenulum, your hand wrapped firmly around the girth of him as you traced the sensitive, velvet flesh of his cockhead against your soft, plump lips.

Oh God, the wanton groan that rose from your throat when you teased the tip of your tongue to his slit, lavishing the salty flavor of his precum on your taste buds.

And you hadn’t even put him in your slutty little mouth yet.

He’d always let you lead, slowly descending on him with your hands splayed on his muscular thighs, batting your lashes at him once he brushed the back of your throat as if waiting for him to cup your jaw and stroke your cheek affectionately with the calloused pad of his thumb like he always did while you ‘took a moment’ to adjust to his size. Part of him wondered if you really needed to adjust or if you just wanted to savor the look in his eyes as he committed the lewd image of you to memory.

You’d breathe heavily through your nostrils- the exhale blowing gently against the soft, dark curls at the base of his cock and the inhale shuddering like you were basking in the scent of him.

The first time you’d lapped at the seam of his sack with your tongue while he was seated to the hilt down your throat his toes curled as he gripped the arm of the chair with white knuckles, hissing out a string of curses.

Always so responsive to his body, you slowly eased off him, your hand stroking languidly along his thick shaft, applying firm pressure to the tip as you dipped down to gently draw his heavy balls into your mouth. The whine that erupted from his chest was a sound he’d never made before but then again, he’d never had a woman show much- if any attention to his sack during a blowjob, let alone roll them around in her mouth like they were a goddamn delicacy.

Lord have mercy when you descended on him again, your cheeks hollowed, your tongue flicking and swirling along his length, one of your dainty hands holding him firm at the base as you cupped and fondled his saliva-slicked balls with the other.

Somehow you even made gagging look seductive, inhaling sharply through your nose while your eyes watered and drool dripped down your chin, trailing across the hollow of your throat and leaving a wet sheen across your pretty tits.

Oh yeah, you absolutely had your tits out. Hell, you loved to be naked on your knees for him. It only made it that much easier for you to snake a free hand between your thighs, rubbing slow, gentle circles over your aching clit with the sweet arousal that wept from your cunt with how utterly turned on you were by sucking his cock.

You’d lose your fucking mind when he twisted your hair around his fist, shameless moans bubbling up from your chest as he bucked his hips, fucking himself down your throat. As soon as he’d pick up that merciless rhythm you’d slip two, sometimes three fingers into yourself, frantically pumping them to mirror his tempo until you came with a strangled cry, tears pricking at the corners of your lust-hazed eyes.

Holy hell that’d be his tipping point.

He’d hold your head firmly in place, his massive hand flexing against the back of your skull, his cock pulsing as he throws his head back, a deep and primal moan ripping through his chest as he comes hard enough to make his fucking ears ring.

Words of praise would fall from his lips in a breathless whisper as he caressed your cheek, lazily rutting his hips forward while you greedily swallowed down every last drop like it was your well deserved reward for your tantalizing efforts.

“Such a good girl.”

“So fucking pretty when you choke on my dick.”

“Oh baby, yes. Fuck, swallow it.”

“Shit, you’re so goddamn perfect.”

Sometimes when you were feeling extra submissive you’d sit back on your heels and open your mouth, proudly showing him the pearlescent fruits of your labors, pooled on your tongue.

You’d wait patiently, drooling unabashedly with a slack jaw as he tucked his spent cock away, zipping up his jeans and slowly buckling his belt while he kept you naked on your knees awaiting his order.

He’d pinch your cheeks in his large hand and dip down to press a kiss to your forehead, his chest swelling with pride at the power you allowed him to hold over you.

All the while, you’d stare up at him obediently with smoldering eyes until he’d nod, his lips twitching up into a crooked smirk before he’d finally speak his command in a low, gruff voice.

“Swallow.”

Taglist (Taglist is open):

@badbunnybabygirl01 @suz7days @truthfulliarr @lilacka @writtingrose @samsgoddess @loveisallyouneed1125 @vicmc624 @millercontracting @wildernessflora @mydorkyboys @blackhawkfanatic @honestlywork @ladyvenera @cavity-exe @ihavetwoholesforareason @km-ffluv @shortnloud @mrs-katelyn-barnes @somnorvos @22rhianna2006 @misshale21 @angelbaby99 @deans-spinster-witch @kezibear @acornacreacure @buckys-wintersoldier @terry2227 @wintrsoldrluvr

A/N: Yeah, idk where this came from-

I was feeling feral again.😅

💋Sj

[mistydeyes]

makeup wipes and cleansing balm - running mascara pt. ii

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summary: After a long argument and scathing words from your significant other, it’s time to face them again. Will they apologize or are you left to clean up your tears and mascara on your own?

read pt.i here!

pairing: Task Force 141 x fem!Reader

warnings: swearing, mentions of depression/mental illness/seperation anxiety

💌 @glitteryeggalmondherring (the og requestor!), @ananas26t, @delilahhhh403, @batmanunicorns523, @zzzennin, @ghostslittlegf, @ihavemanychickens

a/n: you guys went FERAL over this! hope you enjoy part ii! literally just realized how long this was omg

┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊

price

After you stormed out in the middle of the night, you found yourself at the doorstep of your friend’s flat. “God what are you doing here so late?” he said as he rubbed his eyes. It was 3 am after all. However, as he saw your puffy eyes and how you were in your pajamas, he let you in. You sat across the counter, giving him a Sparknotes version of the previous night’s events. “I can’t believe he would say that to you,” he mused as you gingerly sipped on your tea. “I know, it surprised me too,” you uttered, “mind if I use your washroom and splash some cold water out of my face?” He nodded and you found your way to the bathroom. You breathed out as you examined your puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. You splashed the cold water with your hands and as you turned off the tap, you heard your friend answer the door. 

At first, the voices were muffled and you dried your face with the towel. However as they approached the kitchen, you realized you heard the baritones of John as he pleaded with your friend. “John, she doesn’t want to see you,” you could hear your friend say through the closed door. You placed the towel down and held your ear to the wood to get a better sense of the situation. “I know, I know, I ju–“ your friend cut John off. “You know what, John? As I said before, she doesn’t want to see you.” You could hear John sigh before sitting down on the couch. “I know I said some things I shouldn’t have but I just want to apologize,” he said and you could hear the defeat in his tone. The floor creaked slightly as your friend sat down next to him. “Do you know how many nights she sat waiting for you? How many cold dinners that she threw out in the morning when you failed to walk through the door? Of course, you wouldn’t know, you weren’t the one she was calling every fortnight!” your friend exclaimed and you were surprised at his rising tone. There was a pause before he continued. “You have some goddamn nerve coming here after what you said to her. She made that house a home and the first thing you do to thank her is berate her? I couldn’t fucking believe it when she showed up at my doorstep.”

There were more words exchanged as you wondered what to do. You couldn’t stay in this bathroom forever and it was clear John knew you had headed here. You wondered if you could fit through the small window. As you plotted your escape, the bathroom door flung open. You turned around to see John standing there with a surprised look on his face. “I told you to not go in the bathroom,” your friend scowled at John. You stared at him blankly and protectively wrapped your arms around yourself. “Hello, John,” you spoke coldly and tried to move around him but he blocked your path. “Are you gonna let me pass?” you asked as you looked up at him. “Will you come home?” he requested and you held your gaze with tears in your eyes. “Depends.” The tension was clear in the room and before your friend could interrupt, John closed and locked the door behind him. You took a step back in the now enclosed space as you realized your exit was closed. You avoided his gaze as he took a step forward, attempting to hold your cheek.

“You can’t just win me back by trapping me in here,” you responded as you peeled his touch off of you. He looked at you sadly and swallowed, trying to find the words to say. “I know,” he began, “and you can tell me to stop.” You nodded at his contentions and leaned against the wall. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, hell, I wouldn't either," he said with a chuckle and you struggled to suppress a small smile, "but I am so sorry for taking my frustrations out on you." "I understand you were frustrated but it was what came after," you trailed off, "you made me feel so inconsequential, John, and I think that's what hurt the most." You tried to shake the tears that were bubbling to the surface but soon they permeated your face. "Please, don't cry," he consoled and grabbed a few tissues for you. You trembled at his touch as he wiped them away. "I know I ask a lot for you and don't give much back but I always appreciate you," he whispered and you leaned into his chest. He wrapped his arms around you as you continue to sob uncontrollably. "You don't owe me anything but will you please come home?" he begged and you looked up at him. As you wiped furiously at the tears, he kissed your forehead gently. "It isn't the same without you there, love," he whispered, pulling you back into his soaked torso. "I think I would like that," you muttered into his chest. You spent a few moments in each other's embrace before you emerged from the bathroom. "I'll be heading home now," you called to your friend and he waved you off. "Don't make her cry again, John, or you're a deadman," you could hear him whisper as he held John back for a moment. For the first time, you could see the words shutter through him. "I promise."

soap

Your eyes shot open with the radiant morning light and you groaned in response. You felt like absolute shit. What would normally be a gorgeous morning was already draining. You rolled your sore shoulders and tried to run your fingers through your tangled hair. Despite being in bed, you were both physically and emotionally exhausted. The entire night Johnny kept pounding on the door and pleading for you to open it. He had tried every tactic in the book and eventually, you had fallen asleep in exhaustion. As you got up and heard the bed creak, the knocking resumed. Bastard must’ve slept on the floor. “Y/N please just open the door,” he pleaded through the closed door. “Can’t hear you!” you shouted back, “too busy being a fucking buzzkill in here!” “I just want to talk to you.” “And I don’t, so just leave me alone,” you replied angrily and you could hear his footsteps exit the flat.

Minutes later as you were playing on your phone, you screamed as you heard a loud knock on the balcony’s door. “What the fuck!” you shrieked as your head whipped around. Johnny stood there panting as he tried to fix himself. He looked worse off than you and you were baffled that he had climbed up to the second story. “Why are you on my balcony?” you asked as you wrapped yourself in the duvet. “You wouldn’t talk to me out there, so I thought about a change in setting,” he said, almost questioningly. God, why did you have to date a military sergeant? You stood there shocked for a moment before you were able to formulate a sentence. “If I hear you out, will you leave me alone?” He paced around a bit before agreeing to your terms. “Will you let me in?” he asked, pulling at the locked door. “Not a fucking chance, I can hear you perfectly clear in here.”

He took a deep breath before he walked closer to the glass. "I'm so sorry, I took it too far," he said quietly and looked for your response. "Johnny, it's always too far with you," you sighed, "I don't know where you get off with these things?" He nodded as you continued to let out your frustrations. "Every time I think we have talked it out, you go and do something more infuriating!" your tone was beginning to build and you could feel your voice reverberate through the room. He looked like a kicked puppy but you wanted him to hear all of it. "I just don't understand why you feel the need to embarrass me like that, especially in front of people that you talk so highly of," with this last statement you trailed off and the defeat was evident in your voice. "I'm sorry that it had to come to this for me to realize," he replied, a sudden acceptance in his tone, "I know I take jokes too far but I never meant to hurt you." You sat up in bed and faced him, preparing to hear him out. "I should've known better but I hear you now," he said sheepishly and rubbed his neck as he looked at you again. You tried to avoid his gaze but you could feel your anger begin to wear away. "I don't want to argue like that again, Johnny," you said, now sounding more broken and exhausted than before, "I want us to enjoy our time out." "I want that too and I promise there won't be a next time when you're sleeping alone," he comforted and that was all you needed to hear.

You got up from the bed and unlocked the door. He entered cautiously and held his arms out for you. You readily returned his embrace and you swayed slightly as you both said nothing. "I missed you," he whispered and you placed a hand on his cheek. "I missed you too, you bastard." He led you gently back into bed and you got under the soft covers. "How about we spend a night in? Watch a movie with some pints?" he offered and you readily agreed. You laid on his chest and played with his calloused fingers, settling in each other's presence. "Maybe after a shower, you smell a little ripe to me," you joked and you could feel his chest rise in laughter. "Might need to go running with Gaz again," he said through chuckles, "that climb to the balcony was awful."

gaz

After your fight with Kyle, you had been spending a few nights with a close friend. You practically moved into her flat and she had graciously let you have the couch for the past week. You had been comfortable thanks to your “overzealous spending.” It afforded you the luxury of a wardrobe and endless amounts of takeout food. Despite the positives, you could tell your friend was growing tired of your presence. “You need to go back,” she said to you softly as you went to grab another Lo Mein box. You wiped a stray noodle from your face and looked at her. “I know, I just don’t want to talk to him.” “You don’t have to, but you should go home where you aren’t living in Amazon boxes.” In comedic timing, both of you turned to see the pile of boxes and bags with sweatpants and t-shirts. You swallowed down another bottle of cheap beer before you conceded. “I’ll go back tomorrow, I promise.”

As your friend dropped you off at your flat, you could feel your stomach churn. "It'll be alright, call me later," she reassured before you saw her car turn down the street. She had kindly given you a duffle to hold your clothes and you held it in your hand as you keyed in. You took a deep breath before you entered. Part of you secretly hoped that Kyle had left and you would have a moment of peace. However, your optimism was shattered as you saw him sitting on your couch. “Hey,” you responded flatly before making your way to the bedroom. You hoped he would let you go and relish in the silence but you knew your fiancé wasn't such a person. As you entered the cleaned bedroom, you heard the floor creak as he followed behind you wordlessly. “Can we talk?” he said defeated and you turned your back to unpack your things. “I’m listening.”

There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. “God this was so much easier in my head.” You scoffed and Kyle knew he was starting to lose you further. “I’m sorry for what I said before and I'll stand apologizing hundreds of times just to have you forgive me," he said, the words exiting his mouth quickly and having a sense of nervousness in them. You crossed your arms, still looking away from him before you replied. "It's not a matter of apologizing, Kyle," you muttered, "I just don't understand where all that venom and anger came from." You could hear him hold his breath and shuffle slightly. "I didn't think it through," he explained, "I kept saying those things and not realizing how much they hurt you." You shook your head in response and resumed opening the drawers to put your new sweatpants in. You tried to put on an uncaring facade but no matter what Kyle was saying now, couldn't make up for how broken you felt. You let a few silent tears fall before you could feel Kyle put a hand on your shoulder. You turned your head and you could see the immediate shock in his eyes as he tried to brush your soaked cheeks.

"Fuck, love, oh my god-" he began to say in a fervor, "I didn't mean to say what I said, and fuck I didn't mean to make you cry." Maybe it was seeing him in front of you but you let your guard down and began to uncontrollably sob. He pulled you into his lap and sat on the duvet as you crumbled. "I-I don't know why I'm like that-" you began to fumble on your words, "I just love shopping and you're not here and I get sad and-" Kyle silenced your tearful rambles. "Love, you aren't to blame here, you don't need to apologize," he reassured and you tried to quell your tears. "I always ask the most from you when I'm deployed and I'm so sorry I made you feel like this," he whispered and you nodded. "Maybe I'm the one with the separation issues," he chuckled, "I just want to know I'm needed in your life even though you're my strong independent woman." You smiled at this and kissed him on the cheek gently. "That'll do for an apology, Sergeant," you mused and you both hugged for a moment. When you separated, he kissed you gently. "Are we okay?" "Of course, we're okay, Kyle, we always figure it out."

ghost

Despite Simon’s harsh words and cold demeanor, you had slept like a baby. Just another benefit of going to therapy and learning how to healthily cope with conflict. You rubbed your slightly puffy eyes before you laid back down in bed. Halfway through the night, you remember hearing the front door close and eventually smelling the pungent odor of cigarette smoke waft into the bedroom window. Simon was presumably out there for a while as you fell asleep before he had come back in. You hoped that he hadn’t returned but nonetheless, you decided to make your way to the kitchen for some breakfast. You had nothing to say to him so why let him interrupt your day?

As you exited the bedroom and went to the kitchen, you could see he was already up and sitting at the kitchen island. He was hunched over a cup of black coffee as you grabbed a cereal bowl. You didn't bother with pleasantries and continued to the pantry. You could feel his gaze follow you as you went through the motions of pouring your favorite cereal and milk. You were just about to walk back to the bedroom when he spoke up. “I just wanted to say before I start, I’m not good at these things,” he said quietly, almost in a whisper. You laughed harshly at his demeanor. “Wow what a fucking way to start an apology,” you replied bitterly, “if you can even call it that.” You brushed past him but he put a hand out, blocking your path. You looked at his eyes, fraught with insomnia, as he spoke. “Please just give me five minutes.”

You stepped back from Simon and leaned against the counter adjacent to him. You could tell his nails were raw from biting them. A bad habit of his. In the tense air, you quietly crunched on your cereal as he tried to find the right words. “I’m sorry for what I said to you, I didn’t mean to generalize therapy like that,” he said and you could tell he was struggling. You put your half-eaten bowl down and took a deep breath. "What you said hurt me, Simon" you began to say and you could feel the tears coat your cheeks. "I know,” he whispered with a sudden gentleness, “that’s why I want you to yell at me, curse at me, tell me how much I messed up!” his tone began to rise. You stood further into the counter as you worried if this would lead to another screaming match. "Simon, please don't yell," you let out quietly and he could see the slight hint of fear in your glossy eyes.

He sipped his coffee and tried to regulate your breathing as you stared at the now soggy cereal. "I'm sorry for raising my voice," he apologized and his tone was much softer than before. You could tell how much this argument affected him and you realized how much you missed him despite his flaws. “Just please don't leave me,” he choked out and tears were fully streaming down your face. You walked over to him and pulled him into a hug. You held him tightly and he returned your embrace by wrapping his arms around your waist. He looked up at you and wiped away your tears. “I’m sorry for taking out my frustrations on you,” he whispered as he looked into your eyes. You blinked a few stray tears away and placed your arms around his neck. “I understand Simon," you said softly, "and I'll always be here for you but I think therapy could be a good thing” he looked away and you placed a hand on his cheek to turn him to you. "I know it's difficult, I've been there but it doesn't hurt to consider some options," you continued and he nodded at the suggestion. "You don’t deserve all the shit life has thrown at you. You never did but let others help you," you concluded and you could see a small smile on his lips from your words of wisdom. "I'll never leave, I promise," you whispered before you kissed him gently and made him feel whole again.

[pidgedee]

BEHOLD!! the party!

more info about this au under the cut because i love it So Much

first of all, you can read what i’ve written of this au here on ao3! it’s only backstory oneshots rn, but i do have a whole timeline plotted out that i’d love to keep chipping away at. but it’s taking me forever so here’s a little summary w some spoilers!

basically:

- tommy and wilbur meet when tommy is this twelve year old scruffy little street kid and wilbur is a traveling charlatan bard. tommy steals from him. wilbur casts hold person and goes “hey you fucker give me my goddamn wallet” and tommy goes 🤩 “ok but only if you show me how to do that” and because wilbur is easily manipulated by tommy’s charming street urchin ways, he agrees. and now they’re literal crime boys and travel together stealing and conning As Brothers <3

- tubbo was raised by a cult that believes he’s a prophesied savior, so tubbo ALSO believes he’s a prophesied savior. scott smajor is a divination wizard and part of the cult. one day some stranger wanders into the cult, realizes Oh My God This Cult Is Raising A Kidnapped Child, gets in over his head, murders a cult member (not scott smajor), and causes such a ruckus that tubbo gets kidnapped 2 electric boogaloo by a surviving cult member (this time it is scott smajor). a chaotic and bloody series of events ends with tubbo completely alone in the world and not sure where to go. luckily, there’s a certain bard-rogue duo to swoop him up and pull him into their party!

- quackity is Not a warlock no really guys seriously he’s just some guy. he’s just some guy who once accidentally wandered into a cult and murdered one of the cult members (they had it coming ok) and then sold his heart to a devil who, uh, took out the entire cult after that. we connecting the dots here? yeah. when quackity meets the rest of the gang, he and tubbo stand there spiderman meme pointing at each other but in Total Secret because neither of them are eager to reveal their backstories yet. tubbo kind of hates quackity. quackity does not know what to think of tubbo. it’s fun.

i’m cutting myself off here so i don’t ramble forever but IVE ALSO DONE SO MUCH WORLDBUILDING specifically regarding religion in this au. Ask Me About My D&D AU Pantheon

[mrcavill88]

Despondency turned rapture

Pairing: Stepdad Andy Barber x Stepson Male reader

Summary: A recent family passing took a deep toll on you. Never have you ever felt so isolated from humanity. The only thing keeping you going are the lewd activities between you and your stepfather

Word count: 2.1k+

Warnings: 18+, ANGST, mentions of death, SMUT, age gap (reader just turned 18, Andy is 42) drunk Andy, reader is a stoner, intimacy in the shower, Dom Andy, deep kissing, skin biting, stripping, spanking, fingering, prostate orgasm, oral sex, face fucking, unprotected sex, cum control, breeding, cuddling

A/N: Hey everyone thanks for all your support lately. This is my first Steve only fic, hope you enjoy! (If you have any questions/requests, feel free to ask me in my bio;)

You're not quite sure how your life crumbled apart so easily. One moment you're frolicking in the park with your beloved mother and stepfather, then you're hyperventilating in a hospital hoping your mother's life could see another day.

*FLASHBACK 6 MONTHS*

"Mom! P-please *sniffle* please stay with me!" you pled as you tightly gripped your mothers hand, her body laying near lifeless on the hospital bed. "Sir! Why are you in the room? Your mother is in a fragile state I understand your pain but you need to exit immediately!" the frantic doctor yelled as he tried to pry you from your mother.

"Get the hell off me!" you yelled as you shoved the doctor into the concrete wall. "Mom! Mom! Answer me!" you cried as tears stained your cheeks, feeling helpless as your mother remains unresponsive.

And then it came

The longest, most heartbreaking beep you've ever heard in your whole life. The beep that signified the death of your mother. You fell to your knees as you've just accepted what reality has become, a reality without your mother.

"Y/N! What happened? Is she okay?" your stepdad Andy panicked as he rushed over to you, seeing your mother. "N-no, NO! NO!" Andy screamed as he hugged your body tightly, in grievance of your dead mother. Both of you sat on the floor, drowned in tears as you've both lost the dearest person in your lives.

The trip out of the hospital was one that wasn't that long, but for you and Andy? It was a million years. It took a host of angels to get you out of that hospital, several doctors needed to escort you out of the hospital room. That day, a part of you was never the same, you became an incomplete puzzle with a forever missing piece.

*FLASHFORWARD TO PRESENT*

You sit in your bed, still grieving your dear mothers death. A mountain of disposables piling up in the corner of the room, making the room reek of weed. A deep and scratchy exhale left your mouth as you continue to sit in your room, refusing to leave your domain. It seems like years since you've spoken to anyone,

Well, almost anyone

The only trustworthy person in your life? Your stepdad Andy. You two have always had a close relationship, you both understood each other on a level no one else (besides your mother) could. But little did each of you know, the deep feelings you both felt for each other. I mean, how could one resist Andy? His beautiful blue eyes that dilated each time he saw you, his broad figure and chiseled muscles, his structured face and sexy beard. You knew it was wrong, especially after your mothers death, but it was something out of your control.

"Y-Y/N! G-get your ass o-over h-here!" he yelled, slurring his words amid his recent alcohol addiction. You slumped off your bed and walked over to Andy's bedroom, the unpleasant aroma of alcohol filled the room as you shut the door; bottles upon bottles of beer stacked in his closet.

"Y/N, y-you better s-stop sm-smoking, i-it'll kill you. If I f-find one more goddamn c-cart in the t-trash, I-I'm whooping your ass. Understand?" he said, barely able to connect his words together. "You think y-you can talk? It smells like shit in here, I don't know how you keep all those muscles and that jawline when all you do is drink all the fucking time! Give it a fucking break already!" you yelled, right before a thick hand smacked your cheek, you held your face.

Andy grabbed your face yelling, "You speak t-to me like t-that again? I'll fucking k-kill you, understand?" squeezing your face. You nodded as tears formed and fell down your face. You ran out of Andy's room, into your room, slamming the door, staying there for what seemed like an eternity, but was only 2 days.

*FLASHFORWARD 2 DAYS LATER*

A light knock on the door awakened your seemingly endless slumber. You stood up, feeling sticky and extremely hungry, and dragged your body towards the door and opened it to a surprisingly healthy Andy, who didn't smell.

"Hey y/n, I know you probably want to talk to me but, I'm really concerned about you. You haven't left your room in ages and your mothers death (tears up) left its toll on both of us, but I know she wants us to find happiness in our lives. So please, would you come out? Maybe we could spend some time together?" he asked, caressing the cheek that he slapped the other day.

You gave him a blank expression, still feeling a little scared of Andy after what happened yesterday. "Fine". You finally walked out of your room, the sunshine blinding you as you sit down on the couch.

"Now, let's get you cleaned up. Honey, can you please take a shower?" Andy asked, his cute nickname for you leaving you a little bit surprised. You reluctantly entered the bathroom, it seems like an eternity since you last entered it. You undressed yourself and turned on the hot water, waiting for steam to accumulate before you entered. The hot water dampening your soft skin as you cleanse yourself for the first time since your mothers death. As you were washing your hair, you noticed the bathroom door slowly creaked open. The feeling of curiosity and anxiety filled you as you waited for someone to show up.

"Y/N? Can I come in?" Andy asked, as the door was still slightly ajar.

"Come in"

Andy walked in with a white tank top that perfectly illustrated his large biceps and broad shoulders, and, it got hard, and, it seemed that he realized this. He walked over to the shower and opened the door

"Hey! Get out! I need some privacy!" you yelled as you covered your private parts, slightly blushing. "Oh I'm sorry, lemme just close this" Andy said as he seductively slapped your ass, causing you to jolt and moan a little. "GET OUT!" you yelled, clearly aggravated, little did he know a little turned on as well. He left before you finished your shower, you turned off the water, dried yourself off and put on a tight little black tank top and some shorts.

You walked out and approached Andy in the living room, still a little surprised at what he did in the bathroom. "H-hey Andy, sorry I got mad at you there" you chuckled. "Oh it's all good Y/N, in the end, that was my bad. Come sit with me, the patriots are on right now" he said to you, bringing you over to the couch, sitting you next to him.

Oh God

You were feeling things you never felt before, things you shouldn't be feeling, he was your... stepdad. This was wrong, you couldn't help but feel butterflies race around your stomach, your body temperature rising as Andy got closer and more touchy with you.

"So Y/N, you like football?" he asked you, wrapping his muscular arm around your shoulder. You didn't answer him; you couldn't even think straight you were going crazy, sweat accumulating on your forehead.

"Y/N? Why so silent?"

"S-sorry I'm just-" you couldn't even finish your sentence before you found the six foot one man hands all over you, pinning you to the couch.

"H-hey! What're you doing!" you whined out as he got closer and closer to your face. "Oh Y/N, sweet innocent Y/N, I know you like me, in fact, you love me." he said, tightening his grip on you as he was practically an inch away from your face. "N-no Andy, this is wrong! You're my stepdad! What would mom think?" "Y/N, at a certain time, you have to move on, your mother was an amazing person, she would want us to be happy right?"

You shrugged your shoulders in response before Andy's lips crashed onto yours, your tongues twisting together, fighting for dominance; you lost. "Mm baby I've been waiting years for this, you don't understand how hard I'm gonna fuck you" he huffed as he continued kissing you, moving onto your neck. "Fuck, daddy" you moaned.

"Mm, daddy huh? I like that name, you only address me as that now, understand?" You whimpered in response as Andy started biting and sucking on your neck. Moans and whines leaving your mouth as your own stepfather was leaving hickeys on your baby soft skin.

When he was finished with you, you were a moaning and whining mess, breathing in and out at a rapid pace as Andy's eyes starting filling with something, insurmountable lust. "Strip for daddy" he commanded as he put you on your knees. You slowly removed your clothing unveiling your beautiful and slim frame.

Andy stared at your angelic figure, completely awestruck by the beauty that stand before him. He grabbed onto your shoulders and started sucking on your skin again. "Mm fuck baby! You taste as good as you look, you're gonna feel so good with me inside you!"

"Mm, fuck me daddy!" you moaned as the bearded man vigorously bit and licked your skin. He grabbed your body and placed your moaning figure over his lap; you knew exactly what part was next. He squeezed and fondled your cheeks, praising them before his hands gripped them firmly.

"Count"

"o-one" *SMACK* his hand swiftly cuffed your right cheek, causing you to wince in pain, and a wee bit of pleasure.

"two" *SMACK* he smacked your left cheek with even more force, causing you to scream as a tear leaked from your eye.

Said smack became 5 smacks, then 15, then 30. At 31, your ass cheeks were tinted red and tears stained your cheeks as your stepdad had just smacked the hell out of your ass.

"Oh baby, don't cry. Daddy is so proud of you, and he thinks it's time for your reward, baby. Come on, open up"

You aversely spread your legs open, leaning up on the couch you were sitting on. Right then and there, Andy slowly inserted his thick fingers into your tight and tiny hole. He used his spit as a lubricant to make the trip nice and smooth, causing moans and whines to constantly leave your mouth.

"Daddy! Ugh! Fuck daddy! That feels so good!" you whined as his fingers went in and out of your hole.

"Oh baby I love to hear you moan, it's like music to my ears. Now, this might hurt, just sit still ok sweetie?" he kindly said as he started finger fucking you with multiple fingers. Your moans started becoming screams as the feeling of pleasure, pain, and discomfort consumed your body.

"D-daddy! I c-can't take it anymore! I'm g-gonna cum!" you whined as you could feel your cock twitch uncontrollably, completely wet with pre-cum.

"Oh no you don't" he said cupping your cock in his other hand, making you even more horny. "Daddy can't have you cumming yet, I know you can do it, be a good boy for daddy". At this point, you were practically walking on strings, shear milliseconds away from shooting your load.

Andy finally released his fingers from you, sucking on them. "Delicious. Oh baby, you're such a determined little boy, thank you for not cumming, daddy appreciates it! Now, get on your knees baby, daddy needs to unload a little". You were still a little weak from Andy finger fucking you, but you got on your knees as Andy unleashed his meat. You've been picked down by many, but nothing surmounted Andy's cock. It looked to be 8 inches long, and insanely thick. You licked his bitter tip, causing him to groan out, before you started sucking his dick.

It didn't take much before you started gagging, your drool spilling from your mouth as Andys dick invaded every corner of your mouth. "T-take it easy b-baby. Oh fuck! Baby you look so good around my dick like this!" He started to thrust into your face, you almost fell back at his aggression. The sound of moans filled the room as Andy could feel himself getting close. Noticing this, you started moaning and whining on his dick, sending vibrations up his dick. "F-fuck baby" he moaned as he shot his thick and warm cum into your mouth, filling your mouth with his baby batter.

"Oh baby you did so well! Now, it's time for the grand finale! Come on baby, face down, ass up"

You stood crawled up on the couch and did as he asked, face down, ass up, your hole still lubricated after Andy's fingers violated it. "This is a very special memory Y/N, let's make the most of it. Alright?" he softly said before he violently thrusted his cock in your hole, going in and out aggressively.

"Daddy! Ugh! I love your cock so much daddy!" you whined as his meat was invading every bit of your insides. His thrusts getting sloppier and sloppier by the second as the pleasure he felt weakened his knees.

That's when it happened

His dick thrusted into your prostate causing you to go crazy, cock twitching uncontrollably as cum shot from your cock onto the couch, practically painting a section white. "B-baby, I-I'm close, y-you're doing so well" Andy groaned as he was once again close from summing, this time inside you.

"I love you daddy!" you screamed as your legs started to wobble. At those words, Andy lost it. His cock shooting ropes and ropes of cum into your velvety walls, painting them white. You both collapsed on the couch, completely drowned in pleasure after having sex the best sex of your lives. You crawled up onto Andy's muscles, cuddling up against him.

"I love you" you said before you lightly kissed his lips

"I love you too Y/N" he huffed before you both fell asleep in each others arms

THE END

Thanks for reading:)

[its-your-mind]

“oh clearly jon feels no emotions and is in complete control of himself at all times. this man is a logic machine.”

did we??? listen to the same podcast?????? this man feels first, thinks later. there is a strong emotion? get ready for jonathan jarchivist sims to act on it with little-to-no second thoughts. rational thinking who. we throw ourselves full force at the first thought that comes into our head. like, we are talking about the man who:

busted into the office of a guy he hadn’t talked to more than twice since he woke up from a six month coma, sincerely offering to gouge out his eyes and run away with him, and was Absolutely Gobsmacked when he was refused

was prefectly ready to let a face-stealing monster live… right up until it reminded him that it had killed his friend without him realizing (that “…what did you say” is one of the lines that gives me GOOSEBUMPS every time)

dove headfirst into a pile of evil sentient worms to grab a tape recorder bc he was so determined to not die as aNOTHER GODDAMN MYSTERY

let his survivor’s guilt from when he was eight drive the major decisions he made for the rest of his life

threw himself into a fear dimension of evil loneliness to save the man he loved (who had refused to speak to him for months) at the probable expense of himself who knows

had so much MALICE in his voice when he killed peter lukas like damn girl you do not get that emotional when you’re just killing someone bc they’re evil or whatever. there was Hatred there. go off queen.

literally was willing to sacrifice an entire WORLD so that no one would ever f e e l what he had to feel when jonah voicesnatched him

LITERALLY speedran a love story in like six weeks in scotland. this man was SO READY to be in love it’s ridiculous. so was martin. I love them sm

heard his predecessor was dead

came to the conclusion that he was next

what should we do with this?

oh I know

stalk every one of my coworkers bc clearly one of them is out to get me

committed himself to living in the archives forever bc he didn’t want to put georgie or “god forbid the admiral” in danger (has his priorities STRAIGHT he does)

oh annabelle caine has martin? and an artifact that completely knocks me on my ass and takes away all my powers? off to hilltop road we go come on basira we have spider ass to kick

threw himself into a coffin to save a woman who LITERALLY was ABOUT TO KILL HIM bc he just wanted to HELP and everyone around him was HURTING SO MUCH

was insulted when a statement giver called the institute stupid and immediately discarded all professionalism and clapped back by calling her wildly successful youtube series dumb

also immediately discarded all professionalism when disgusted by a teeth apple “we do NOT want it.” like damn bro this traumatized doctor brought this bone apple teeth proof in for you and you are too grossed out to grin and bear it

was slightly annoyed by the fact that martin was not the Ideal Assistant. Offhandedly mentioned on an official recording that he wanted an evil flesh witch to slowly kill his literal employee by a series of freak accidents that resulted in the loss of one body part at a time. this man has no chill whatsoever.

took so much satisfaction in killing jonah magnus. like jonah told him not to be dramatic and jon PROMPTLY started monologuing while stabbing douchard directly in the chest.

“I don’t want to die”

“Neither did they.” FUCK YES QUEEN GO OFF GET HIS SMARMY VICTORIAN ASS

sounded so SMUG when he told the eye he was gonna go apologize to his boyfriend. like yeah stupid all-powerful fear god I have a BOYfriend and I LOVE him suck on THAT

remember when he decided to doom his whole world bc he wanted to stop anyone else from feeling like he did? yeah that plan went out the window fuckin imMEDIATely as soon as his beloved martin walked into the room. oh, he’s in the world I’m going to be dooming? well fuck didn’t consider that part. welp guess he’s just gonna have to stab me. and then we will hold each other and declare our love and kiss and hope to still be alive and together somehow as the world collapses around us. our love didn’t save us but it was here and that mattered. okay list cancelled I’m gonna go curl up in a ball for a little bit. ty for your time.

[iamasaddie]

come take my pulse the pace is on a runaway train

PIMP!JOEL part 1, masterlist paring: Joel Miller x fem!afab!Reader rating: explicit word count: 6k (I told ya) summary: there's a secret you didn't know you had, and you're forced to tell it to Joel // Joel Miller is still a pimp and you still need money, that's it. .a/n: can't believe it actually fucking happened. i'm drained, see y'all sometime. an honest thanks to my lil beta/guardian angel @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog it's hard to imagine this fic happening without her, and my forever support, my ride or fucking ride @bearsbeetsbeskar . I love y'all! warnings (for the series): dub-con(ish); explicit sexual content; Reader is described as bony and malnurished (hungry, duh); sex work; fingering; both protected and unprotected PinV; 69; FMF; oral sex (for everybody); ass play; unprotected anal sex; sex toys; dirty talking; might be something else who knows; NO USE OF Y/N warnings (for the chapter): female masturbation, inexperienced reader, fingering, voyerism (kind of); praise kink; mild dirty talk ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴀ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴏꜰ ꜰɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ. ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ, ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ꜰᴏʀɢᴇᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ꜰɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ɪꜱ ᴀ ᴡᴀʏ ᴏꜰ ʜᴇᴀʟɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘʀᴏᴄᴇꜱꜱɪɴɢ ᴛʀᴀᴜᴍᴀ ꜰᴏʀ ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴɴᴏᴛ ᴅɪᴄᴛᴀᴛᴇ ᴏʀ ᴘᴏʟɪᴄᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴅᴏ ɪᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴛʏᴘᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴄʜᴏᴏꜱᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴏɴꜱᴜᴍᴇ. ꜱᴛᴀʏ ꜱᴀꜰᴇ, ᴘʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴄᴇ ᴄᴏɴꜱᴇɴꜱᴜᴀʟ ꜱᴇx ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴘʀᴇᴀᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ.

It was strange waking up in a warm, nice-smelling room. You’ve spent half the night struggling to fall asleep on the couch that didn't bruise your shoulder blades with its hardness. It was laughable, honestly, any other person in your place would be out like a light, and yet you tossed and turned, your body sinking in the softness of Joel’s couch made you almost uncomfortable. That was until he peeked his head from his room, face wrinkled and sleepy, hair sticking in all the different directions.

"I swear to God, rabbit, if you don't stop spinning like a goddamn rotisserie chicken, I’ll drag this couch outside with you on it."

You pushed the blanket he gave you up to your chin and quickly nodded. Who would've thought the man was such a light sleeper.

It was another half an hour or so until sleep finally took you. Time after time, you replayed the events of the past evening in your head, starting with how Joel approached you on the street and ending with the moment when he literally shoved a set of washed bed linen and a small pillow into your hands. He nodded at the sofa, indicating where you could spend your night, and then towards the closed door - you assumed that his room was hidden behind it - and muttered something resembling "if you need me, knock, but better not, I've had a long day."

You wanted to thank him, but for some reason the words wrapped around your tongue like a spider web, not allowing it to move, so you just nodded and began to make up the sofa. Joel stood there for a couple more moments, and then he himself disappeared behind a wooden door that almost lost its once white color with time.

That was the door you'd been staring at for the last half hour, constantly reminding yourself to blink when your eyes started to water. You had no idea what was ahead of you. It was scary, truly, very fucking scary; but you could also imagine what would happen to you if you hadn't agreed to this fucking adventure. 

You were trying to guess what tomorrow would bring you. Would Joel take you to his birdies? Or bring your first client here? Although it was unlikely that he brought unfamiliar men to fuck prostitutes in his apartment ... Nerves gradually overtook all your limbs, icy needles bit the tips of your fingers, cold sweat covered your feet with unpleasant moisture. You turned on your side and curled up in the fetal position, pulling the T-shirt over your knees and hiding your face under the blanket. Tomorrow everything will change. No matter what happens, tomorrow everything would be different. The silence of the apartment was broken by the steady sound of Joel's snoring, which eventually lulled you to sleep.

You were pulled out by a sharp noise and a streaming whisper of Joel's curses from the longest and deepest sleep in the last eternity.

"Fuckin' shit goddamn piece of motherfuckin' crap. Bitch."

You didn't know what elicited such a passionate reaction from the man who seemed more than calm and composed yesterday, but for some reason it made you snicker and you slapped your hand over your mouth to stop the joyful sound.

"Mornin', rabbit. Thought you went into a coma."

He turned to look at you, the open space of the kitchen and living room meant that you were in full view of each other. While you were trying to find a way out of your blanket cocoon, you allowed yourself to look at your host and future boss. Morning Joel was not much different from the one you saw yesterday, except that his hair stuck out in different directions so that the gray strands were more visible, and his shirt was exchanged for a T-shirt. He still wore the same jeans. Barefoot, he moved almost silently around the kitchen opening and closing drawers, taking something from the shelves. You couldn't help but notice how the muscles were obviously moving under his T-shirt, how the dark washed material of his jeans intimately hugged his powerful thighs and buttocks. Whatever he was, he was devilishly handsome. Which ironically suited his reputation.

"Ya gonna keep starin' at my ass or lift yours off the couch and have some breakfast with me?"

You didn't notice that the man looked over his shoulder and noticed your shameless examination of his body a couple of minutes ago. The blood rushed to your cheeks and you felt the familiar heat of shame.

"S-sorry, I wasn't staring."

"'s okay, rabbit. Even nice, considering what we're…" If he said something, you didn't hear, because he mumbled it to himself. You sat up straight, blanket falling off your chest, but still covered your lower half where you currently wore only old cotton panties.

"What we're what?"

"Ehh," he scratched his beard, considering if he should tell you or not and deciding against it. "We'll talk about it after breakfast. And after you take a shower."

"You have a shower here?" You knew that usually, if people or small families were lucky enough to have a separate apartment for themselves, they'd still have to share the shower with other apartments on that floor. It was terrible, but some would rather choose that than have a shower in their home but have to share the place with three assigned roommates like you did.

"Well, I'm definitely not showering in the rain." His attempt at a joke didn't cheer you up, the gears of your brain were still spinning in an attempt to guess what was in store for you. Apart from the obvious. As if hearing your thoughts, Joel once again glanced in your direction, brown eyes ran over your face and body for a couple of seconds, until he shook his head at something he thought about, leaving you in the dark. "C'mon, rabbit, coffee's gettin' cold."

"Coffee?"

When the first jets of scalding hot water flowed over your body, you laughed, letting the water get into your mouth and nose. This feeling was so unfamiliar, but for some reason you missed it like hell. Almost boiling hot, the water like a passionate embrace enveloped your body, every drop was a kiss to your tired skin. For a couple of minutes you just enjoyed the new, yet so familiar feeling, marveling at what comfort such a simple act could bring. 

Joel's bathroom was small, bright, and terribly clean. There were no dirty things scattered on the white tile floor, no black mold in the corners, damnit, there were barely any stains on the goddamn mirror. Fucking psychopath. The shower itself wasn’t surrounded by walls, just a small threshold below that did not allow water to spill over the entire bathroom floor, and a simple plastic curtain that protected everything from splashes. A bar of soap and a washcloth found its place on a makeshift shelf on the sidewall. By that time, you wouldn't be surprised if he had twenty-five jars of various products ranging from balm for his slightly curly hair to a cream for his ballsack. You grinned to yourself as you lathered your hands. Your sense of smell was pierced by the odor of pine and something masculine, although you could not name it. This was exactly how Joel should smell. The man was a mystery to you, but every little detail from his slightly manic cleanliness to the smell he chose made total sense to you. You started to wash the soap off your skin, lightly massaging your own shoulders, arms, legs, until your fingers thoughtlessly reached your pussy.

You never actually paid attention to yourself down there, never wondered if you looked wrong or right, didn't find it in yourself to care. Your philosophy was that as long as it didn't hurt, it was just fine. 

Your lack of sexual experience never bothered you either. There was nothing you could do about it, not when surviving alone took that much of your strength.

What did Joel say yesterday? Sex is good. Well, you'd be the last to know. The one meaningless encounter you had was so long ago that your partner was already faceless in your mind. How could you find pleasure with someone if you couldn't even do that alone? You had no idea what excited you, what made you feel good. You didn't even know what made you feel bad. With every passing minute you grew more and more desperate. What the fuck were you thinking about when you said yes? One encounter would earn you the name of the worst whore in the neighborhood. If you could just...

Your hands traveled across your body, squeezing your soft tits, caressing your waist, and going lower, where you knew your pleasure had to lie. You closed your eyes in an attempt to find something sexy to think of. Without trying hard, an image of Joel leaning over the sink popped in your mind. As your deft fingers awkwardly tried to play with your soft flesh this and that way, you just continued replaying the way his hips moved, the broadness of his shoulders, the obvious strength in his thick thighs. You bit your lips, trying to shut down the little whimpers and moans your body tried to push out ignoring the calls of morality, or your own reason. You kept circling your buzzing clit, fingers growing tired, arousal seeping from you but release nowhere close. It felt like you were on the verge of sneezing, almost-almost-almost, and then nothing, just the devastating feeling that left your eyes watery and nose running.

You let out a frustrated groan, and then screamed, as you heard a loud banging on the door and then Joel's voice no less loud. "Rabbit, are you boiling alive there or what? Sorry to say, but hot water ain't forever, get outta there."

"Sorry! I'll be out in a sec."

You rushed to turn off the water, surprised that you didn't notice it getting gradually colder. Getting out, you dried yourself off with a big towel Joel gave you after showing you to the bathroom. You reached your hand to the only pair of panties you had on you, frowning at the material still being mostly wet since you only washed them before popping in the shower. Sighing but with no other choice, you put them on, wincing when cold wet material touched your still tensed core. Then there was the matter of clothes. You only had what you wore when you came here, and putting that on now would make the shower you took futile. You should have asked Joel for a t-shirt or something. The thought caught you off guard. You just met the man, and here you were thinking about taking his clothes? But then again, you agreed for this man to practically sell your body, so what's a pair of shared clothing items?

With no other choice, you put a towel around yourself, glad that it was big enough to cover you up to mid-thigh. You were just going to ask Joel for some clothes, and then you'd wash your own.

He was waiting for you in the living room, still dressed the same, but his hair looked as if he combed it. For a few moments you just stood there looking at each other, droplets of water fell from your hair and traced your skin. You wished you could read his mind as you watched him slowly taking in your form - from your bare feet to your wet head - with an emotionless look on his face. You spoke first.

"Can I ask for some clothes? Mine's dirty. Really dirty."

He swallowed, as if thinking over your request. "You won't need it now."

"I'm sorry?" That sounded more like ‘what the fuck’, but you weren't known for the ability to keep a poker face.

"I need you to show me how you get yourself off. I need to know what we're working with." He shrugged his shoulders like it was the most mundane thing you were discussing. His familiarity with sex, the easy relationship he had with something so unknown to you, made you feel like a child. Someone inexperienced, and not important enough to engage with. Someone small. You hated the kinds of people that made you feel that way as much as you hated bulky FEDRA soldiers covered in their armor from head to toe. Their power over you was undeniable and made you feel lesser, transformed you into a bug under a giant's thumb, so easy to pick up and crush.

"What do you mean?" That was obviously the wrong question, but it was the only one you could think of, completely taken aback by his words. You kind of knew what would happen to you in theory, you just didn't know what exactly to expect, whether he'd take you to some shady place full of tired women, or if you'd have a room of your own in a dark basement. The only thing you knew for certain was that soon there'd be a stranger between your legs helping you to earn your living. Not once a thought that you'd have to perform whatever act in front of Joel crossed your mind. It just didn't. "Don't I just... Y’know?"

"What? Get your first client for your pretty face and then leave him unsatisfied, and me with a bad reputation?" Joel raised his eyebrows and shook his head, something he'd been doing a lot recently. "No, rabbit, that’s not how it works here."

A bucket of ice-cold water thrown over a sun-licked body would have felt warmer than a single tear of sweat that dripped down your clean back at that moment. "So you, what, fuckin' test every girl you’ve got?" The slight anger that started boiling in you, but it wasn't pointed at Joel per se, you were irritated with yourself for making the man in front of you into something he wasn't. Into something more human, someone who might have some respect for you, when he clearly was just another man that looked at you as if you were a cunt that occasionally talked.

"I don't test, I make sure they're ready for what's to come and they know what they do. Most of my girls, they have more experience than apparently you do," you internally scolded yourself for the embarrassment that ran through you when his words settled in, there was nothing wrong with not sleeping around, you thought. There was nothing wrong with you. Joel, seemingly oblivious to your turmoil, continued, "so they just show me some stuff, and then I'm content that they can do the job."

You cracked your knuckles, freshly cut fingernails unable to leave the bloody crescents on your palms, something that would help distract yourself from an upcoming panic attack. Your stomach made a summersault as you tried to even out your breathing.

"What?" Joel came closer to you, his broad frame in a simple t-shirt and jeans was towering above you, and that feeling of being too small, too unimportant and weak flooded your lungs again. "You're ready to fuck a stranger, but can't show me how you fuck your pussy? Not sure you can stay, then."

Your head snapped and you met his eyes. They were too curious for a person who was ready to let you go, but you were too deep in your nervous breakdown to notice. 

"No, I can, it's just… " He's gonna know and he's gonna throw you out, you thought. No way he wouldn't. He's gonna laugh at you and you're gonna die of hunger in the streets. And then the rats will eat your face. A constant fear that settled in your brain the moment you saw a guy in the streets who met that same fate.

"It's just what?" His voice brought you back from the image of different pests feasting on your lifeless body. 

"I know how sex works, okay?" You could still try, maybe he'd be forgiving for your honesty. "But I didn't spend that much time doing this." You threw your hands pointing around in a vague gesture that clarified nothing. 

His face was all colors of surprise and he didn't even try to hide it. Brown pools filled with merriment rather than disappointment. "This? Masturbating? You spent over twenty years not getting off?"

"Well, I'm sorry  that wasn't my fucking top priority when I was barely conscious to get my body to the bed after working for 17 hours, okay? To an apartment that I shared with three other people!" You felt anger surpassing your shame on the surface and boiling over. You knew snapping at him wasn't the best way to get in the man's good graces, most likely he'd just think you too difficult, and being inexperienced on top of that? Well, that's a one way ticket to the streets. But you couldn't help yourself. Did he actually think that you, what, lived in lavish? Coming home to the silk sheets, having a glass of wine before spending hours on end learning of the pleasure of your body? Was that the kind of girls he had up there? If that was the case, you couldn't hold a candle up to them. 

Your days were long, painful and dirty. You'd been lucky enough if you had enough energy to wipe yourself with a semi-clean rag that was once your t-shirt, as you tried to leave the pitiful excuse for the bathroom and hide in your room. Sometimes you were so hungry and exhausted that you didn't even take your dirty boots off, climbing on your bed, stuffing your hands under your head and praying for the sleep to come sooner and relieve you from the pain of your empty stomach and bloodied blisters.

"Okay, okay, don't get so fuckin' aggressive." He raised his hands in defense, "It's okay. At least I know what we have here."

"So, what... I don't qualify? Should I let myself out?"

"No, you should drop the attitude and sit your ass on the couch." He surprised you again, maybe you should have stopped thinking about the man being the Devil's son and right hand. "Lose the towel and underwear and I'm gonna guide you through it, okay?"

Or maybe not.

"You gonna…?"

"No," Joel didn't let you mind stray too far, "I'm gonna watch and tell you what to do, okay? I've got more than enough experience to be able not to touch you and still help you cum."

You huffed, the arrogance this man had must've been bigger than his dick. "Cocky much?" 

"That, too." He smiled knowingly and passed your question as a joke, but his face quickly turned serious - professional? - as he gave you another way out. "So, you're in or out?"

You didn't bother to reply, turning to walk towards the couch. Your barely cooperative fingers trembled and you forced yourself to relax as you lifted the towel and sat your ass on the couch, hissing when the cold leather met your asscheeks. Did he make your bed? Joel's eyes were on your covered mound and he smirked.

"That's adorable." His index finger - you thought it was at least as thick as both of yours - pointed at your pussy that was now covered in simple cotton panties with a print that said "Thursday" and a sleepy cartoon cat above it. "Today's Monday, though."

Your face heated, all blood from your body traveling to your cheeks and you mumbled, cursing another sign of your poor sexual experience, "I didn't have rations to s - -"

"It doesn't matter," Joel sounded like he meant it, and moved a chair for himself to sit opposite of you. "Some will find it endearing, and others don't care what you wear as long as they know you'll take it off."

You nodded. It wasn't exactly the encouragement you've been hoping for, but then again, it wasn't Joel's job to encourage you. He got comfortable in the chair, spreading his legs wide in what looked like a power move but he seemed to do it unconsciously, and looked at you expectantly, "Take 'em off."

You nodded, mostly to yourself, and hooked your fingers on the still wet material, tugging it down and hearing a wet slap sound as they ungracefully landed at your feet. Unconsciously, your legs pried together, thighs trying to hide what's laying between them.

Joel was sitting across from a big window, gloomy day's light dancing on his face. He kept looking at you, not hurrying, but visibly losing his patience as his nostrils flared when you just continued pressing your thighs together.

 He closed his eyes, rubbing his eyelids, and then focusing back at you.

"Do you want a drink?"

"What?"

"I'm going to pour you a drink, but only this once. I don't allow my girls to be under any kind of substance, understand?"

He got up from the chair and went back to the kitchen, leaving you dumbfounded and half naked alone on the couch. Soon he came back with a glass half filled with amber liquid and handed it to you.

"It's not the best, so better drink it fast, okay?"

You nodded, holding your breath and downing the burning liquid. It wasn't the first time you drank, but you were never a fan of alcohol, usually it only led to an hour of good time followed by at least eight hours of suffering. Joel took the glass from your hand as you coughed, and returned to his seat.

"To make your sexual experience more pleasurable, you need to be excited. You have to be anticipating the pleasure." His voice became more honeyed, or did alcohol already kick in? Whatever it was, you found yourself leaning back on the couch, and relaxing your thighs, though still not spreading them apart. "You need to love your body, you need to be wet and needy. If you don't need anything, you won't get anything. It works like that with everything, including pleasure."

You couldn't take your eyes off his face, furrowed eyebrows cast a shadow over darkening eyes, plump lips that were periodically caressed by his tongue, curved under his words that vibrated under your skin.

"Love your body, rabbit. Caress it, kiss it, excite it. Make yourself needy for your touch, and only then, when you feel like you will cry if you don't do it, can you touch that sweet part of you."

Thoughtlessly, with his words as your accompaniment, with his eyes as your witnesses, you let your hands start caressing your body. Face, neck, hands, with every light touch you grew hotter, with every light touch you wanted more.

"That's it, rabbit, good girl." His voice was barely louder than a whisper, it intertwined with your breathing and you no longer cared how many people were looking at you - a hundred, or him alone. Your hands pulled at the knot holding the towel on your chest, completely exposing you in front of a virtual stranger. As if possessed, you continued stroking yourself, concentrating on the tense nipples, pinching and immediately caressing them with the soft pads of your fingers. Your moan drowned out the quiet "fuck" that Joel gritted through his clenched teeth, and your tightly closed eyes didn't allow you to see him leaning closer, as if he was trying to sniff your arousal in the air.

Your movements grew bolder, greedier. You continued to caress your body, squeezing, pinching and immediately soothing the sensitive skin with gentle touches. Your neck was covered with beads of sweat, and your tongue was constantly moistening your dried lips. Your body was buzzing, you felt like every nerve under your skin was raising to attention, every pore seeking the pleasure your touches promised. Your pussy throbbed, and you clenched your thighs together but now for a completely different reason.

"Touch your clit, rabbit, go on."

His voice was low, like a growl, it also sounded like a beast that was trying to break out of you. Forcing yourself to move slower with all your might, through the hollow between your breasts, diving into the pool of your navel, you soon brought the fingers of your right hand to your almost vibrating clit. Trying not to lose touch with your pleasure, you continued to pull at your swollen nipples followed by Joel's pleased hums. As if forgetting to report to your brain, your thighs parted, exposing your thirsty, wet core where your fingers were reaching. Not wanting to torture yourself anymore, you traced your middle and ring finger through your slit to your sopping entrance to gather some slick and brought them back to your twitching clit.

Your body shattered, as you let out a broken cry when your fingers started playing with your pussy. It was still tense, remembering the pleasure you failed to get mere moments - or was it hours - ago. Up, down, circle. Up, down, circle. Faster, faster, faster still. Your fingers felt cramped, your release nowhere close. Tears sprung to your face and you let out helpless cries and moans, knowing full well that you're failing. Again.

Was there something so wrong with you? Were your settings so fucked up, that even though you wanted the pleasure, you felt your orgasm mocking you so so close, you still couldn't grab it. 

Your movements became more frustrated, frantic, almost painful at this point, as your left hand proceeded to practically torture your raw nipples.

"Stop, rabbit." You ignored the voice of the only witness of your most intimate failure and continued flaying your sensitive pussy with rough strokes, almost like you were trying to get revenge at her for failing you. "I said stop, dammit." A large, slightly damp palm wrapped around the wrist of your possessed hand and only then did you abruptly open your eyes, realizing how close Joel was. Your face was hurting from the strain with which you wrinkled it, your teeth almost began to crumble right in your mouth.

"I told you to love your body, not to take revenge on it for all the sins of humanity. What the hell, rabbit?"

"I was almost there," you sobbed pathetically. Your once again lost pleasure made your whole body ache, like you were twisted in the wrong way, bones broken, skin bruised.

"Yes, you were, and what happened then? Why the fuck did you go serial killer on your poor pussy?"

"I couldn't."

"You couldn't?" His eyebrows shot up as he waited for you to continue.

"I get to this point where I feel like it's right there, like I might cum any second, and then I don't." You dropped your head, eyes raking over your naked body, filling your head with embarrassment as Joel, on his knees in front of you and way too close to your still aching pussy, acted as if it was the most normal situation ever. Maybe it was, you couldn't understand anything anymore. "I think I'm broken," your whisper was defeated, just as your spirit.

Joel was still holding your wrist, his thumb thoughtlessly drawing circles on your skin when he shook his head and tried to look into your salt-soaked eyes.

"You're not broken, rabbit. You just think too much with that pretty head'a yours. Y'see," his hand let go of yours, and he brought his index finger to your thigh, tracing abstract lines on your damp skin. You didn't shy away or tell him to stop, so he continued, "pleasure ain't in your head. You need to learn to turn it off."

Easier said than done, you huffed. You were overthinking your whole life, every decision, every movement, every fucking breath. If having an orgasm meant to stop doing that, you were fucked. 

"And what if I can't?"

"Then you'll have to learn, and while you do that, you can try giving off your control." You met his eyes, curiosity pooling in yours, determination in his. "Will you let me help you out a little?"

You were either too tired, or too scared to ask him to elaborate what he meant by that. Your body was tired and needy, wanting something you couldn’t give it. Maybe he could. He brought you to this point without even touching. You nodded once, not wanting to appear too eager. Joel nodded in return, sealing the deal.

His hot palms wrapped around your thighs, spreading them wider and allowing him to fit between. He didn't look up at you anymore, all his attention was turned to the center of your womanhood, to the place where you were burning with hellfire. He must have felt at home.

“Look at her, so pretty, so needy. She just needs the right kind of attention.” 

It was on the verge of ridiculous to hear him speak about your pussy like that, but you were far from laughing when his thick fingers pried your drenched lips open, exposing your clit to his eyes. His face was too close, and for a moment you could swear you saw him lick his lips, an action that made you both excited and uneasy. There was no way he would…No, as his thumb connected to the burning skin to the right of your clit, somewhere where you rubbed yourself raw, you gave yourself a smack for your passing thought. He’s a man, he wouldn’t. He started circling your clitoris with the rougher tip of his thumb, without directly touching it. Joel’s movements were slow, patient. He listened to your breath hiking up, little puffs of air roughly leaving your lungs when he circled too close to the pinnacle of your pleasure. Your eyes went glassy, looking at him staring directly at your cunt and whispering little praises did something to your body. It elicited a reaction you weren’t ready for.

“Pussy so obedient, she takes everything and asks for more. Hear how wet she is?” Proving his words he dipped lower, gathering a gush of slick that never stopped streaming from your entrance. The sounds were vulgar, you never heard them. You were never this wet before, and you’d start worrying if the physical joy he brought to you wasn’t so overwhelming. 

You felt yourself climbing on that familiar ladder of pleasure, for the third time today your body started thrumming, begging you for release. Sending to hell all the thoughts holding you back, you let the music of sex pour out of your very gut. Quiet moans, desperate cries - all of it only raised the level of your pleasure. “Good girl, don’t hold it. Let me hear you sing.”

 Joel continued building sensation stroking diagonally across your clit. His surprisingly soft, light touch gradually became more intense as he exchanged stroking to playing with pressure. He let his thumb and pointer finger squeeze your sensitive bud, gently gripping your swollen skin.

You felt like you were about to be torn apart, you just lacked something… You couldn't understand what and almost sobbed in despair. Joel noticed that your melody was becoming minor. “What do you need, rabbit? What does your beautiful pussy want? Listen to her.”

“I don’t know,” your body thrashed like you were possessed, but Joel pressed his left hand into your navel steadying you.

“Yes, you do. Listen to your body, baby, come on.”

“Fingers, please, put your fingers in me!”

“Good girl,” he whispered victoriously. His thumb returned to stroking your puffy, tortured clit just in time as two of his thick fingers entered your begging body. 

No matter how much you studied yourself, no matter how many fingers you shoved into your inexperienced hole, nothing could compare to how Joel's fingers stretched you. Just two, they brought a burning sensation, which with its sole existence pushed you beyond the limits of pleasure known to man. His pace, which started out slow and gentle, steadily increased, bringing a new level of intensity. You felt your body gravitating towards the much needed release as the blood rushed to your core. Joel never stopped paying attention to your clit, drawing tight circles around the tense bud as he kept exploring your insides with his fingers. Your mind was blank as the arousal overtook all of your senses, goosebumps danced on your skin and the salty taste of your sweat gave your lips a new flavor. As if he was possessing your body, without mistake Joel kept zoning in on the areas your body responded to the most, his touch more rhythmic and consistent as he went. Every moan and tiny gasp that left you he used as the roadmap to your inevitable pleasure. You let yourself get lost in his movements, the pleasure he elicited from your body, and the heavy breathing that you both shared. Your cunt enveloped his digits perfectly, tight entrance drooling around thick fingers that shallowly thrusted in and out of you in a steady motion, curling at the very end and touching a spot you didn’t know you owned. You were exhausted with all of the sensation as you finally cried out, your own hands squeezed your tits enough to leave bruises. 

The feeling that enslaved your body was all-consuming, and you were too consumed by euphoria to notice the hungry, almost possessed look Joel sported on his face as your juices gushed all over his hand.

"Whatcha thinkin' about, rabbit?" 

Joel got off the floor and threw himself on the couch beside you. With a quick and efficient motion he tugged the slightly wet towel from under you and cowered your naked front as much as he could. Your lips curved in a tight-lipped smile as you wordlessly thanked him. 

"It was hard, doing this." As soon as your brain cleared from the post-orgasming fog, you started thinking again. Bees of rationality stinging your still soft and barely functioning body, making you doubt everything. "And I could only cum when you helped me. Don't think the clients will be up for that."

"Do you think you could masturbate and make yourself cum on your own now?" He leaned his head against the back of the sofa, but turned slightly to you, watching how the familiar sense of doubt twisted your face.

"I think so, yeah. You... you showed me and... Why?" You copied his pose, and now your heads were turned to each other ten centimeters apart. You didn't find it awkward.

"I can show you everything else, too. If you're afraid or not sure. I mean it's not hard to find a man who'll get off on your innocence," you wrinkled your nose imagining a pervert that would ask you to put on bows and white stockings. "Or I can guide you through, teach you anything you'll need before you start workin'."

"Why would you do that?"

"Why not?" He shrugged his shoulders, trying to find a more convincing response. "It's in my best interest, isn't it?"

You shrugged your shoulders back, your nakedness becoming mundane to you, even though you started feeling chills creeping up your body as the towel failed to keep you warm.

"So?"

"Yeah, I think it'd be best," the pleasure Joel gave to you still thrummed through your veins, making your decision easier than it should've been. "For the both of us."

thank you for reading, leave a comment if you liked it!

[vintagemulti]

shards and splinters

parings: marc spector x reader , steven grant x reader

desc: apparently what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. now you’ve died and returned alive, perhaps it’s time to test that theory; or risk losing your life once and for all.

warnings: blood, angst, swearing, fighting, guns and gun violence, death descriptions, long as fuck, sex mentions i guess(? if you squint), hurt/comfort, gory i guess (jake🤷🏻‍♀️) writers note: idk how accurate these are bc i’ve been writing this on and off for years but cover all bases i guess xx

a/n: psa to pls reblog anyway she’s BAAAAAACKKK did you miss me ?? i missed youse … if there’s even a moonknight fandom anymore 🫣 i’m so sorry for the 2 years gone from the face of tumblr, i’ve quite honestly had two years from hell and insane writers block so. can anyone even remember this series?? idk maybe you should all reread the first parts 👀👀 anyways. there’ll be one more part to this (will it come this year? next? 2026? who knows…) bc i HATED my original ending and just had to change it. also sorry if this feels rushed or like it jumps around a lot, it’s been written over YEARS, but i’ve tried my best for continuity. also, i know there’s a lot missing in like fight scenes but they are BORING and i hate writing em so i’m not doing it. tried, got half way thru then didn’t touch this for 7 months so.. it’s no fight scene or no part at all. but my last part is pretty much done so hopefully it’ll be posted soon! ill let youse savour this for a while tho lol. on a real note thank you all SO much for all the love, even two years later. it means the world. all my love, all the time x

series masterlist

masterlist

the air felt different now. it was funny; you and marc had been apart hundreds, if not thousands of times, but he had never felt your absence. not like this. no, never like this. it was different now because he knew he could look for you everywhere and you would still be in that room, not breathing, not living.

he could see it all so clearly now. all of what? all of it. everything; life, your life, his life, where everything went wrong, what he should have done, should have said, how he could have saved you.

there was nothing you could have done, marc.

“that’s easy for you to say.” he mumbled, looking down at his hands. “you’re not the one who was halfway through a fucking argument when harrow took her. and if you can remember, harrow took her because of me.”

steven sighed, and went quiet.

“i should’ve died on that fucking alter.”

marc said it over and over, like a prayer, to go back in time and pull the trigger. he was fuck knows where, it looked like the middle of the desert but marc didn’t care enough to question it.

he had walked out of that pyramid and kept on walking - for hours. the hot egyptian sun had began to set, casting a rosy hue on everything. the humidity make marc’s head ache.

steven had gone silent - a small hum of anger in the back of marc’s head. it usually would have surprised marc, for steven to be the angry one. but he wasn’t sure he would never feel surprised again.

are you going to wallow here forever?

marc looked up, low sun glinting in his eyes, making him squint. but he could tell exactly who it was - crescent staff in his peripheral.

“fuck off.”

khonshu laughed. that’s one way to talk to a god.

“fuck off.” he repeated.

and why should i, mortal? why should i listen to you?

“you did this.” it was stiff, cold, a definite statement. “you did this to us.”

khonshu groaned, moving to block the sun from marc’s eyes so he could see him properly. aren’t you going to question how i am here?

“no.”

perhaps you should.

marc could never cope with khonshu’s riddles. they had always infuriated him - never getting a straight answer. but this one, he could tolerate.

“fuck does that mean?” he was looking directly into khonshu’s eyes now - something he had readily avoided for years. “and don’t give me any of your goddamn riddles.”

if you must be so blunt, it would seem like osiris has taken a liking to your poor lady wife. hathor isn’t half fond of her, either. maybe you ought to go back to the pyramid, something tells me your needed.

and he was gone. disappeared with a gust of wind, leaving marc alone in the saharan sunset, shaking and still covered in his wife’s blood.

she’s alive?

“i-” marc looked around. “i don’t-”

his eyes slipped into the back of his head.

steven took a deep breath, swallowing hard. he set off in a run - towards the pyramid.

-

“this feels so fucking weird.”

you were pressed flat against the wall, peeking around every few seconds to make sure one of harrow’s followers wasn’t coming your way.

i must admit, it’s been a while since i’ve had an avatar.

you let out a breathy laugh. was that your first ever laugh since being revived? you supposed it must be. oh, you wished it was one of steven’s jokes you were laughing at instead.

you didn’t think you’d ever find one of his jokes unfunny again.

“where is he?”

it’s hard to tell. i can’t check, unless i’d like ammit to spot me.

humming, you looked around the corner once again, breath hitching when you saw a shadow come closer.

what made your breath stop completely, however, was the slow, melodic tapping of a cane, following every footstep the person took.

harrow was less than two feet away from you.

swallowing hard, you pushed yourself against the wall even harder, back cold against the concrete. you hoped - prayed with your newfound faith in osiris and his mercy - that harrow would turn back the other way, not hearing your thumping heart.

but your luck had ran out for this lifetime.

the tapping of the cane became louder, until you could see the tip of it in your peripheral, crunching glass finally becoming audible. he was about to come around the corner, and see you. you would be impossible to miss, even the bright red of your new outfit making you stand out.

it seemed like it was impossible to escape harrow, and the tapping of his cane. he had killed you once, what would stop him from doing it again?

apparently, a guardian angel. someone spoke, making harrow turn to look behind him.

this was your chance - to slip away and turn the opposite corner, escape harrow in your new life as you couldn’t in your last.

his voice made you flinch. cool, charming, low. like a snake - exactly like a snake, now you thought about it. the way he slid through life, from the bar all those years ago, to now, awakening a centuries old god, aiming to destroy the world.

you could slither away too, though.

still holding your breath, you sidestepped along the wall, making sure to watch your step over any lose stones, until the wall fell away behind you and led you into another corridor.

as soon as the light from the hall had faded, you let out your breath, hands coming to your forehead and rubbing your eyes.

we have to keep moving. ammit is almost ready to begin.

nodding - although it felt like your brain was rattling around your skull - you looked back up and saw hathor, still looking as beautiful as ever.

this hallway was much dimmer than the last. colder, too. it was like all the light had been blocked, the only thing keeping your vision was the small, fading candles lining the walls every meter or so.

perhaps it was your natural instinct, or a new given sense as an avatar, but you could tell - something wasn’t right. something in the air had shifted, on top of the hot, sticky, egyptian heat, there was something sinister.

your years as a mercenary had taught you to recognise something - blood in the air. and there was certainly blood in the air around you.

“what is harrow’s plan?”

he wants to judge people. through ammit, he believes he can rid the world of everyone bad, even if they aren’t already bad.

“so he’s playing god?” the corridor seemed to go on forever.

he would never admit it, but yes. and ammit is the perfect enabler for him, she’ll know exactly what he’s up to, but because he can give her her power back, she’ll play along.

you scoffed lightly. “harrow isn’t stupid either. he’ll know what she thinks.”

hathor shrugged, a few paces in front of you. only time will tell, my dear.

for a few minutes, the walk along the corridor was silent. the tap of your shoes echoed down the hall, breeze from your passing flickering the candles on the wall.

why did you marry him?

it stopped you in your tracks, hathor stopping too.

“what?”

marc. why did you marry him?

you stuttered for a moment, looking around as if someone would come and help you.

i don’t mean it in a rude way. i’m the goddess of love, it’s natural for me to want to know.

“well,” you paused for a moment and began walking again, slower this time. “we were young when we met, i was coming up for 18 and he was 19.”

and?

“and i knew what i had done to him.” you swallowed. “i felt fucking awful, i thought, maybe if i get to know the guy, and he’s not as much of an ass as everyone makes him out to be, it’ll make it easier for me to forgive myself.”

the corridor kept on, as if it were never ending.

“as you can tell, it didn’t work.”

he wasn’t as much of an asshole as everyone thought?

“no, he was,” you gave a dry smile. “it just so happened that assholes are my type, and i think he worked it out pretty quickly. so after only about two months of knowing each other, he asked me on a date. a real date. it was my first ever date too, god knows anton never took me out. but god, he was such a gentleman.

he picked me up, gave me flowers, wore a fucking tie. and he payed for everything, too. dinner at a four star restaurant, a movie, then out to a bar for drinks.

i knew i had fucked up when he kissed me that night.”

you regret it?

“not for a day. and that’s my mistake- i mean, i was supposed to hate him. i told myself i would hate him. so i wouldn’t feel bad about telling someone to kill him. i didn’t even know how he got out alive- he didn’t tell me about the khonshu shit until after we got married.

oh, our wedding,” you smiled again, a real one. “it was perfect. i was twenty one, marc was twenty three. we were so young. it was a small wedding, just some friends, neither of us invited our family. it was the best night of my life.

it was the night i met steven, too. i think the stress of the day must have triggered it. and that was it- there was marc, and there was steven.”

didn’t it take a while to get used to?

the corridor began to open up, getting slightly wider by the meter. still - there was no end to it in sight.

“it did and it didn’t. i knew for a while there was something happening to him, he would disappear, look confused all the time. i knew it was a matter of time until something changed. and then came steven, perfect steven.

he changed so much- it was like dating all over again. he was even more perfect than marc, stupid english accent included. but, naturally, abuthing that’s perfect must come to an end.”

hathor sighed. and it gave you the impression, just for a moment, that she already knew the whole story. that she was humouring you by letting you tell it. her sigh, sad and resigned, almost confirmed that she knew what was coming.

“the-” you stopped. your voice had broken, and your feet no longer moved. hathor continued for a few paces before looking back at you.

i understand, but if there’s any time you need to tell this, it’s now.

“you know?” you voiced your suspicions.

take into account which god i am, my dear. there is no one else i could chose, but you.

you swallowed. “what’s the point of talking about it if you already know?”

you have been born again. revived. would you like to carry this, this horrible vendetta against someone who has done nothing but love you, for the rest of your new life?

“no.”

then voice it. i can take this pain from you, if you only ask me too. i can help you.

you bit your tongue, looking down at your feet and kicking around a few of the loose rocks. hathor waited.

“the baby was supposed to be born just after my twenty-third birthday.”

a beat. hathor didn’t reply.

“but he didn’t live past twelve weeks.”

you looked back up at hathor, anxious for a reply. she didn’t give you one, only nodding.

“i don’t- i don’t know what i did. i was waiting until i could get a scan, tell marc, have it done properly, you know? but when i went to my appointment, i knew. she didn’t say anything, she just looked. then she left, got the doctor to come in.

he said that the baby had died, that they weren’t sure of the cause, but it was a boy. that my baby boy had died.”

tears threatened your eyes. never - never - had you spoken about this before. not even with marc.

“i went home, with a hatred in my heart. the next few days were the worst. i was grieving a child no one knew i even had. the blood was horrible, it hurt so badly. i told marc i was on my period. fuck, for all he knew i was.

and then my baby was gone. and i hated marc.”

why did you hate him?

you shrugged. “i have no idea. i needed someone to blame and marc was the easiest. that’s when it all went downhill, you know? i wanted him to be there for me, for something he didn’t even know happened. and when he wasn’t, i blew up at him. and he blew up at me.

and that was it, for three years. this horrible hatred towards each other, me hating marc for something he knew nothing about, and marc hating me for every other reason.

he hated me the most for making him stay a mercenary. he wanted out, he wanted a normal life in the suburbs with a dog and a big house and maybe, one day, a child.

but i can’t have that. i don’t want that kind of normal - not when i was so close to it and lost it. so i pushed him into this world. i made him take jobs and work himself to death, even when i found out about khonshu. i made him do it.

and that’s why we’re here. because i told him to follow khonshu here. and now look what i’ve done.”

hathor took two, wide steps towards you, and cradled your face in her hands.

you have done nothing that makes you inhumane. none of this mess is you fault. khonshu would have gotten marc here one way or another. anyone in your shoes would be the same.

her hands were warm. you felt a tear fall, running underneath her fingers. “but i’ve been so horrible. i’m a monster - if not for this, for everything else.”

hathor shook her head. you are a human being.

there was silence as you cried and hathor wiped your tears. at least two minutes passed - but it didn’t matter to you. harrow could come running around the corner and you wouldn’t bat an eyelash.

hathor took a deep breath, looking to her left along the corridor. she opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, another figure appeared.

is now a bad time, human?

you flinched at the rough edge in khonshu’s voice. “what do you want?”

what do i want? there’s a long list.

even through your tears, your patience thinned. “seriously?”

hathor took her hands from your face, turning to look at khonshu. enough of your riddles. just tell her.

the unmistakable sound of footsteps, running, drew your attention. they were getting closer.

i don’t think i have to say a word, actually.

just as khonshu had finished, a figure appeared, coming around the twists and turns of the corridor.

your heart stopped.

marc looked around in a daze, eyes falling first on khonshu, then on hathor, then…

“y/n!”

just as he had stopped running, he started again, coming towards you like a lion out of his cage, wrapping his arms around you and lifting you off of your feet.

“oh baby,” he mumbled into your neck.

you had just reached - wrapping your arms around him in equal tightness, hands flying into his hair. oh, god. his hair - his curls, his skin - you’d never take it for granted again.

he pulled back, hands on your cheeks in a mirror image to hathor. his eyes locked into yours, brown irises melting into his pupils, filling with tears.

marc stuttered, trying to get several sentences out at once, before you hushed him.

“please, marc, we don’t have much time. harrow is gonna-”

“i know,” he nodded, eyes still not breaking from yours. “i know- baby, i know. please- please, just give me a minute. i never- i thought i’d never- oh, baby.”

he leaned in, moving his hands out of the way to rest his forehead against yours. he was hot - sticky with sweat and dirt and, although you didnt want to think about it, your blood.

“i know,” you whispered, closing your eyes. “marc, i know.”

barely having finished your sentence, he leaned in and kissed you.

it was like the first kiss all over again, and you supposed it was. hot, needy, passionate, desperate. you could live in this moment.

but the unmistakable sound of khonshu clearing his throat broke your kiss.

if you wouldn’t mind, harrow is about to release ammit. i’m sure your couples catch-up can wait another hour.

“yeah,” you nodded, breaking away, but marc was far more hesitant to let go.

“i can’t-” he looked around, paranoid. “i can’t do this, y/n. i just lost you, i can’t run the risk of losing you again, i’ve never- y/n, i can’t let you go, you’re everything to me, and if harrow- oh god, what did harrow do to you? i swear to god, the minute i see him, i’m gonna-”

he blinked. a beat.

“paranoid git never did know when to be quiet, did he?”

“oh, steven,” you threw your arms around him again. “fucking hell.”

steven, unlike marc, seemed far more willing to let you go. “love, i know, but if we don’t go now, we’re all gonna end up dead. please, we can do this all after, yeah?”

he took your hands in his, stilling your shaking fingers. he was so warm - always so warm.

“okay,” you nodded, looking between him and the gods beside you. “okay.”

-

you had severely underestimated how far harrow was willing to go. it had been what felt like hours, an unrelenting fight. you weren’t even sure when layla showed up, hoping to help you in any way she could.

but her attempts were futile; ammit was huge. really - huge, bigger than the pyramid behind her. khonshu had, as usual, gotten involved too, so that meant he was the same size, almost trampling you with every step he took.

you had tried. really, you had. you’d tried to use your new found avatar abilities to at least land something on harrow, but truth be told, you were failing. he’d hit you far more times that you’d even aimed for him, you were covered in cuts and rapidly forming bruises, you were sure your shoulder was dislocated.

but worst of all? your head wasn’t right. you weren’t sure what was wrong with it - it seemed fine every time you focused on identifying the issue, but every time you weren’t paying attention, it was there again. dizzy, a ringing in your eyes, everything a second or two behind; your vision lagging and cloudy. but just as you’d notice it, it was gone.

it was getting worse, too. you could see marc out of the corner of your eye; he was one to one with harrow. it would have made you anxious if you could properly focus on what was going on. but you couldn’t - your thought were scattered, a ringing back tenfold in your ears, the world had gone distant and hazy.

the doctors told you it was a concussion the next morning. layla had actually came in very handy, able to translate the man’s arabic into english for you.

he had told you that you’d sustained a massive head injury - you figured it would have been investigated, if you hadn’t been one of the people there last night.

‘there’ was all people could talk about. first the sky had gone backwards (you’d missed that part, thanks to being dead), then, out of nowhere, two ancient egyptian gods had appeared, destroying all the buildings in their wake, pyramids too.

it wasn’t that you couldn’t remember it. you could - it was clear in every aspect. it just didn’t feel like you’d been there at all. even the build up to it, every moment from when you’d stepped out of that pyramid, hand in hand with steven, hot air hitting your face;

it wasn’t you.

well, obviously it was you. but it wasn’t the same you. everything felt different, you didn’t have the same emotions you did before. the same key ones, yes, like how you felt about marc, and steven, and who you are as a person, but basic thing, like fear, and compassion? it was gone.

you’d have voiced this to a doctor if you could put ‘i died and got brought back to like by an ancient god, but not the same one who destroyed half of your city last night, sorry about that, by the way’ into layman’s terms.

trauma induced dissociation was enough of a label for you. it fit - everything just felt a little hazy, was all. not that you’d asked your doctor, a google search (excluding the resurrection part) had taken you to pages and pages about dissociation and how it’s normal to feel it after a traumatic event. you were pretty sure dying was a traumatic event.

and yes, you could bring it up to your doctor, he was payed to help you, after all. but there was a strange gnawing in the back of your head: that if you voiced this feeling, it would only get worse, and the happy ending you and your husband currently had would be shred in two because you couldn’t feel properly.

so instead, you listened to his professional diagnosis; a severe concussion, fractured rib, dislocated shoulder, several cosmetic wounds, and mental trauma that would be discovered at a later point, if you ever got around to voicing it to a doctor.

what a lovely shopping list, you thought.

-

it was three days before they let you out, and marc wasn’t getting out for another two after that. you’d had to beg him to even go to the hospital in the first place, but now he was getting the medical attention he’d needed for years, he seemed content in his hospital bed. not that he’d ever admit it.

with two days to yourself (not nights, you’d go back to the hospital and stay with marc), you decided to have the egyptian holiday you had come for.

the first stop was obvious; buy clothes. all of the ones you had were either covered in blood or halfway shredded. once you’d achieved this, in a new white linen sundress (cut below the knees to hide the still raw scars), you felt just slightly lost.

of course, you weren’t lost, you were always quick to get your bearings in new places - mercenary years had left you with a few skills, after all - and you kept yourself in a fairly small area, close to the hospital in case you got an emergency call.

no - the feeling of being lost came from deep down. ever since you’d come back to life it was the same, a strange longing for something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. something you felt you just had to have, maybe not right now, but in the near future. the hazy feeling had already begun to pass, you were sure google had served you well. but it left behind this in its wake, a new, even stranger feeling.

a breeze blew your hair lightly as you looked down the street in front of you. it was picturesque, all kinds of small shops and cafes as far as you could see. you could hear kids playing somewhere, a baby crying in the distance.

the lost-longing feeling piqued at this.

“oh.” you breathed. “oh.”

beside you, hathor, dressed in a golden, floor length dress and looking beautiful as ever, laughed.

oh, indeed. did you forget which god i am?

[penny00dreadful]

Somebody To Love - Part 4

Hey so AO3 went down and that kinda sucked BUT it did allow me to get some writing done soooo... here you go!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5 Part 6 AO3

The two children Steve had sent to replace him were god damn menaces.

Well, maybe not children but they were still so goddamn young.

And they didn’t let him get away with anything. Standing over him with their arms crossed and twin looks of disapproval on their faces like the god-damn Men in Black of babysitters.

He wasn’t, like, under house arrest or anything. He was still able to get his fix whenever he wanted. He was still able to drink himself into oblivion, but they didn’t handle him with as much care as Steve had.

He had numerous opportunities to go out and get laid six ways from Sunday as well but… he wasn’t really feeling it.

Though he refused to pinpoint why.

“You know, this would have never happened if you’d just show me the list.” Eddie crossed his own arms, trying to put as much petulant haughtiness into his tone as he could muster, lying where he landed in the grass of his back garden with his pants around his ankles. At least his underwear had stayed on.

This time.

How did he get there?

Didn’t matter.

That tree was out to get him. Fuck that tree. That tree was no longer his number two favourite climbing tree. It had been bumped down to number eight to go along with the tree that dropped an apple on his head like he was Newton and the tree that had covered him in sticky sap that took forever to get off.

The woman, Max, who perpetually had her red hair in a long braid down her back, cocked an eyebrow at him. “I don’t ever remember telling him he couldn’t see the list." She said with an air of nonchalance, looking over at her co-babysitter. "Do you, Dustin?”

“You know, I think you’re right, Max." Dustin matched her tone. "I think Eddie just assumed he wasn’t allowed to see it and ran with it.”

“Hey, fuck you, man." Eddie pointed up at him. "You're supposed to be on my side. Nerds of a feather.”

"I'm on the side of the truth. Like any good scientist."

"You're a babysitter."

Dustin shrugged. "And I have hobbies."

Max rolled her eyes. “Pull your pants back up like a good little boy and I’ll show you the list.”

“I could fire you on the spot, Red, don’t test me.”

She bent low, placing her hands on her knees so she was looming menacingly over him.

“Do it." She grinned down at him. "I fucking dare you.”

Eddie scoffed. "Whatever." 

But he did still stand, bucking his pants back up.

Despite everything he was loath to admit he really liked those two. They didn't take any of his shit and they treated him like a human person rather than some mythical celebrity they had to bow and scrape to.

He held his hand out expectantly.

“Oh, we don’t have it on us.” Max said, her eyes glittering with malicious glee. “It’s on the kitchen counter.”

“Fuck off 'it’s on the kitchen counter.'”

“No, it is.” Dustin nodded. “We put it there last week.”

“We’re keeping a running tally for how many times you’ve walked past it.”

“I think we’re up to fifteen now?”

Eddie did not stomp his foot. “That’s so not fair! You know I’m off my meds!”

“You’re off your meds because of the amount of recreational shit you imbibe. That’s on you." Dustin poked him in the chest. "Maybe if you were sober for five minutes you’d have noticed it.”

Eddie turned his back on them and started to make his way towards the house. They might have had a point as to why he was off his ADHD meds but Eddie was a stubborn fucker so he’d never admit it to them.

He snatched up the list that he genuinely only just noticed for the first time because it was pointed out to him and eagerly read through Steve’s recognisable handwriting.

It was a lot shorter than he thought it would be but also it kind of covered everything?

Make sure he keeps himself alive.

Don’t let him do stupid shit.

Don’t let him kill himself with:

Alcohol poisoning.

Drug overdose.

Some super fucked up STD.

Eating shellfish by accident again.

Chasing a balloon into traffic or whatever.

If you have to put him in a protective bubble, do it.

Max, if he gets mean, get meaner.

Dustin, if he tries to worm his way out of listening to you by claiming to be ‘cool’, remind him of the time he wore a plain black suit to the Met Gala-

“Okay!” Eddie shouted into the kitchen around him, slamming the list back down with a smack. “Low fucking blow, Steve!”

“I mean, it’s true isn’t it?” Max pointed out, pulling herself up to sit on the counter.

“Listen,” he ran a hand through his hair, keeping his volume high, “It was one time and it was my first Met, I was nervous, alright?! Plus! It wasn’t even a plain black suit, it was Chanel, hello??” He waved his hand around. “It had accessories??”

Dustin leaned his elbows on the counter and rested his chin in his hands. “Steve wore yellow.”

“Yes, I know Steve wore yellow-”

“He wore a beautifully cut little yellow suit with a cape and he wasn’t even there as your plus one,” Max smirked, “he was there as your assistant and he was still better dressed than you.”

“Alright-”

“Rhianna complimented him. Said great minds think alike.”

“She was in nothing but a cape so-” Eddie threw his head back in offence. “Whatever, good luck keeping up with me, children. I’m gonna go find some prawns or some scallops and you two,” he pointed at each of them in turn, “can explain my big fat puffy face to Steve when he gets back in a few days.”

Neither of them were even remotely phased.

Eddie was practically rattling by the time Steve was due to fly back in from… wherever he’d been. Even though he probably wouldn’t see him immediately.

Like, the guy had his own home to go to, his own stuff to get reacquainted with.

His own platonic soulmate to reunite with.

So why would he call over? Steve had his own life. He had no... no obligation to come see Eddie immediately.

And that was fine.

Eddie would see him tomorrow, more than likely.

So it was no big deal.

It was fine.

It had been nearly a month since they’d spoken. It was the longest stretch of time they’d gone apart in… Jesus nearly ten years?

And Eddie had handled it fine. 

He had been so normal about it.

It wasn’t like he’d been missing a limb.

It wasn’t like half his heart had been ripped out and shipped off on a plane to wherever.

Wasn't like he'd been thinking about Steve every day, every night, every spare fucking moment he had.

Why would he?

He was... it was all... everything was fine.

He was sitting in his basement studio, plucking a stream of consciousness on his guitar that sometimes crystallised into something coherent and sometimes was something that was stuck in his head.

He looked like a ratty mess, the same worn out pyjama pants and band tees that had been with him ever since he lived in a trailer park in rural Indiana.

They were comfort clothes more than anything at this stage.

His hair… he couldn’t be dealing with his hair right now, it seemed to be out to irritate him on that particular day. Every time a strand brushed against his neck or his cheek it made him want to crawl out of his skin. He’d yanked it violently up onto the top of his head, but each repeated, frustrated shoving of a stray strand back into the bun just caused more to fall out.

He was trying desperately to distract himself but his blood was itching for… something.

He hadn’t had a good fix in a while, he wanted to be sober and clear headed for when he saw Steve again but the heightened anxiety really wasn’t helping the situation. He didn’t usually get so twitchy when he was sober, but then again, he couldn’t really remember the last time he’d been actively trying to stay away from everything. 

And maybe that shocked him a little more than it should.

Maybe it scared him just the right amount.

But it could easily be a losing battle because there were hidden nooks and crannies everywhere in his house holding some kind of mind altering substance in them. Even on the couch in his studio he could probably reach down in between the cushions and pull out a baggy of pills he'd forgotten down there at some point. He didn’t even know what half the pills he found dotted around were anymore, they could be sugar for all he knew but they were there and they wouldn’t stop whispering to him.

He wasn’t even conscious of what he was playing. It was only when he realised he was muttering lyrics to himself that he figured out what was living in his brain and automatically spilling out around him.

Somebody (Somebody) Ooh, somebody (Somebody) Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Eddie softly snorted to himself, a little self deprecatingly. Oh, the irony, he thought, especially considering-

“That’s my favourite.”

Eddie whipped around to see Steve fucking Harrington leaning against the door of his studio.

He looked, well, there was no word for it other than glowing. His skin was darker, his hair a touch lighter, the dusting of freckles over his nose had exploded in volume and pigmentation and he looked good. He looked so good. 

More than that, it was like he’d brought the sunlight back with him because he’d clearly been somewhere sunny, maybe on a tropical beach somewhere. Somewhere that suited him as a person.

It was like the smell of the ocean entered the room with him.

“Stevie!” Eddie shot up from the couch, discarding his guitar a little carelessly before all but throwing himself at him, arms and legs wrapped around him, clinging on for dear life. “You’re back! You’re here!”

Steve stiffened up momentarily, unusually, before relaxing into it, holding him tight. “I’m here.” He muttered softly into Eddie’s neck.

“Tell me everything sweetheart, how was it? Where did you go? What was it like not to have to run around after an overgrown toddler such as myself-?” Eddie pulled away with a smile, back on solid ground but his grin faltered when he noticed Steve’s own smile had an almost sad tilt to it.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” He shrugged off Eddie’s concern. “Went to Hawaii. It was a good time, I’d recommend it to you but I don’t know how well your skin would be able to take that much sun.” He laughed. It was almost performative. He wouldn’t meet Eddie’s eyes anymore. “Met some people. Had some fun. You know, vacation stuff. How were Dustin and Max, could they keep up with you?”

Eddie swallowed and tried not to let the cold wash of emotion completely pull him under. “You- you met some people, huh?” He was going for light. He really was going for light, but it came out just a touch too shaky to really pull it off.

“Yeah.”

“What kind of people?”

“I dunno, people. You know, vacation people.”

Eddie nodded and tried to shove everything, everything he was feeling far, far away. He had no right to feel so heartbroken, he didn’t.

Steve was… he deserved to let loose.

And if that meant meeting some people while away on vacation, that was none of Eddie’s god-damn business. After all, it was nothing compared to what he’d been doing to Steve for years.

“Right.”

Steve frowned at him. “What’s with the face?”

“What face?”

“That face.” He circled his finger around Eddie’s head. “You look like I just killed your dog.”

Eddie shook his head. “Did you find what you were looking for? Out there?”

There was a pause.

“I thought I did.” Steve crossed his arms. “I thought I had… escaped it, I suppose? But,” he sighed, “I think I know now it’s going to be with me forever.”

He looked up again, fixing Eddie with that same sad smile, like Eddie couldn’t see right through him, like he couldn’t tell. But how long had Steve been looking at him like that and how many times had Eddie not seen it?

Steve had thought he'd escaped him.

Or escaped his soul-crushing and unrequited love.

But was it even unrequited?

Last month Eddie would have been sure the answer was an unfortunate yes, it was unrequited.

But now he wasn't so sure.

The last month without Steve had been torture.

Steve had left on vacation to escape Eddie's effect on him, had met up with vacation people and thought it had worked...

Then he came back and...

Eddie needed to sit down.

He dropped himself heavily back down on the couch and put his head in his hands.

“Sounds like some kind of tragic love story.” He muttered into the space between them.

“Yeah.” Steve’s voice was soft. “I think it is.”

Eddie looked up at him, heart breaking in two just from how resigned to his fate Steve sounded and Eddie could feel it. He could feel it, like he knew, like he felt the same, like he’d been… for all this time…

“What were you escaping?” He asked, his voice smaller than he was used to hearing it. It was a dick question, it was a hard question to even get out but he had to know.

He had to be sure.

Because if he was sure then maybe…

Steve looked at him with his big sad eyes and his resigned posture and defeat written all over his figure. “Please don’t ask me that.”

“Stevie-”

“No. Please, Eddie. I… I can’t.”

“Why?” He pushed the word out into the air like it had personally offended him. “Why can’t you just talk to me about this? Why can’t you tell me? We tell each other everything. You’ve never hidden anything from me.”

Steve laughed, some cold, sad, biting thing. “Eddie, I've been hiding this thing from you for years.”

“But, please, Stevie, I need to know. I need you to tell me. Because, I don’t know. Maybe-” Eddie reached out, trying to grasp at Steve’s hand but Steve pulled back violently.

Like Eddie could burn him with just a touch.

“Don’t. Just- I can’t tell you, you know why I can’t tell you!”

“No, I don’t!” And Eddie really didn’t. Why was this so hard, why was it so hard for him to just… admit it?

“Because!” Steve stood in front of him, sudden and frantic, like a man who’d been clinging onto his last threat of patience and sanity and had just lost his grip, hands in his hair and staring at Eddie with wide glistening, pleading eyes. “Because I’d have to leave! I couldn’t stay if I did tell you! It would- it would be unethical and unprofessional-”

“Stevie, you know you’re more to me than an employee.”

“Yes, I do, but…” Steve deflated all at once, the very soul inside him crumpling under the weight of everything. “But what would happen if I did tell you?” He whispered, swallowing around a lump in his throat. “We’d try to continue on as normal but now there’s this thing hanging over every interaction we have from now until forever and you’ll start to get uncomfortable and it’ll be a thing. And you’ll never be able to look at me as just a friend anymore and I’ll get so distracted I won’t be able to do my job and I’ll have to go, for both our sakes and that would kill me, Eddie. I need you in my life like I need fucking air, as fucked up and infuriating as you are, I need you in my life.”

“But,” Eddie was making a valiant effort to will away the lump in his own throat. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d ever felt so unsure about something, like every word had the power to destroy if he picked the wrong one. Like everything around them was ready to shatter like a Prince Rupert’s drop if touched the wrong way. “What if that doesn’t happen? What if… what if we gave it a go…?”

Steve somehow slumped even more, dragging his hands down from his hair to cover his face, another laugh breaking out of his lungs that was clearly mingled up with a sob. “That would be even worse.” He murmured. 

“How could that possibly be worse?! Would it really be so bad to be in a relationship with me?”

“Yes, Eddie!” Steve hissed, glaring at him with red, shiny eyes. “Yes, it would! Because I know you. You don’t do relationships. Any ones you have had you’ve imploded before they go anywhere past semi-serious and I cannot do that. I cannot be given a taste and then just have to go the rest of my life without it because you got bored or self-destructive or realised it wasn’t what you wanted, that I-”

Steve abruptly cut himself off and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes again. “I can’t do it, Eddie. If I just became another notch… I don’t think I’d ever recover. It would destroy me.”

Eddie put his own head in his hands again, ignoring the jerking movements of his bouncing knee. The worst part was that he couldn’t disagree with what Steve had said about his attitude with people, about how he treated those he was with. 

He couldn’t even be angry or defensive about it because it was true. It was so true the both of them knew it was plainly factual, there was no point arguing.

Anyone he’d ever had a relationship with before, he’d either dropped once the shine had worn off, or shoved away using cutting words or sunk himself so deep into drugs and alcohol it was a miracle Steve had ever been able to drag him out.

Because it was always Steve dragging him out. It was always Steve listening to him bitch and moan about how love was for fantasists, no one was ever happy in relationships, having to cut themselves down by half to accommodate someone else, how he’d never catch himself in that trap for as long as he lived, how he’d swear off ever chaining himself down to bullshit monogamy again.

Until the next pretty face or bouncy ass walked by.

Of course Steve would think that about him. Eddie thought that about himself. Believed it about himself until very, very recently, when even the thought of Steve leaving his life forever sent a cold spike of dread and desperation through him.

“Okay,” Eddie rubbed his face. “But, what if… How do I- what if I prove it to you?”

Steve inhaled deeply then exhaled harshly toward the floor and dragged his hands away from his eyes. His face was blotchy and wet and miserable, his eyes were raw red and resigned. 

“Prove what?”

“That I…” Eddie dragged a hand through his hair, gripping on tight. “That I want to be serious about this. That I- if I get a chance, if you give me a chance to have you, that I’m going to keep you. Forever.”

Steve shook his head. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Eds.”

“I’ll keep it.” Eddie raised his head, meeting Steve’s eyes again and trying to will his sincerity across the room. “I’ll always keep it with you. If you love me like I suspect you do, I’m gonna work every god-damned day to keep that promise. Because I think I’ve been in love with you for just as long-”

“Please,” Steve’s voice cracked, harsh and painful sounding, “don’t say that if you don’t mean it-”

“I mean it.” He clasped his hands in front of him, almost begging Steve to hear him. To understand just how serious he was. “I swear on everything I hold dear, I mean it. I swear on my guitar I mean it.”

Steve looked so… he looked so hurt. Like everything he’d been hiding from himself, everything he’d been hiding from Eddie for so long, for years was all coursing through him at full force.

Steve crossed his arms over his chest and considered him.

“I’ll think about it.” His voice was quiet, but it wasn’t so despairing as it had been.

Eddie stood. He wanted to get closer, he wanted to wrap Steve up in his arms and never let go, he wanted to make it better but he didn’t dare move any closer.

“What do you need?”

“I don’t know. I think right now I just need a little time. And space. Again. I might have to extend my vacation just for a few more days. To get my head on straight.”

“Yeah, of course.” Eddie exhaled, rubbing a hand over his forehead. “Whatever you need, baby.”

A wounded, painful sound was pulled from Steve’s throat against his will and Eddie flinched backward.

“Jesus, shit. I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry.”

Steve just shook his head, not meeting his eyes anymore. 

“Dustin and Max will be back tomorrow morning.” Steve didn’t raise his eyes again, keeping them firmly on the ground as he picked up his bag.

Eddie could only whisper out a small ‘okay’. He felt like if he said or did anything else, Steve might shatter into a million tiny pieces and he couldn’t- he wouldn’t let that happen.

The same way it had happened a month ago, Eddie watched Steve leave the room, staring at the door long after he’d gone.

But even though it was the same this time, it was also different.

Because now he had a terrible hope building in his chest.

Now he had work to do.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5 Part 6 AO3

It was Chanel, hello?? It had accessories??

An idea of Steve's yellow suit

And, of course, Rhianna's iconic cape

This is the video I watched to visualise Eddie playing away in his basement studio. Watch it and let your mind wander 🤭 (specifically 1:23 is the part Eddie is playing in the fic)

@lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring, @child-of-cthulhu, @sweetwaterangel, @anaibis, @katytheinspiredworkaholic, @littlewildflowerkitten, @hallucinatedjosten, @estrellami-1, @gregre369, @stxrcrossed186, @novelnovella, @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme, @hellowhatthehellisgoingonhere, @thesuninyaface, @messrs-weasley

[sergeantbuckybarnes]

two weeks ago // ben barnes

Summary: You and Ben broke up two weeks ago; you’re still not over it, but your friend convinces you to go to a party, and everything goes down when you see Ben there with a new girl.

Pairing: Ben Barnes x Reader

Word count: 4.2k

Warnings: alcohol consumption, drunken reader, heartbreak, angst, but a happy ending

A/N: As always, remember English is not my first language. This isn’t proofread, so I apologize for any grammatical errors this may have

main masterlist  |  ben barnes masterlist

You were well aware that it was a terrible decision.

Attending a party just a fortnight after parting ways with your boyfriend, knowing fully well that he would be there as well? Utterly foolish.

However, your friend Kiernan possessed a remarkable talent for persuasion, and against your better judgment, you succumbed to her coaxing.

Little did you know that this ill-fated night would soon become one of the most wretched experiences of your life, second only to the heart-wrenching night of your breakup with Ben. 

As you found yourself broken and tearful in the shadows, there he stood, radiant and resplendent, looking more magnificent than ever, with an enchanting blonde by his side, her arm intertwined with his.

The audacity of this man!

How dare he?

You swiftly exited the room before he could see you. The last thing you wanted was to grant him the satisfaction of witnessing your tears once more.

Kiernan was hot on your heels. “Y/N, wait! I'm sorry,” she said when she finally caught you. “I had no idea he would bring someone along.”

You offered a small, understanding nod. “Don't blame yourself, Kiki. It's not your fault. I just wanna go home.”

The memory of that fateful night reverberated relentlessly in your mind. The origin of the chaos remained a blur, a hazy recollection lost in the depths of your consciousness. However, there came a moment when tears streamed down your face while Ben struggled to hold back the tears that were brimming in his eyes. Despite the emotional turmoil, his voice remained resolute and unwavering. And within moments, he was walking out the door—not just out of your apartment but out of your life as well.

Maybe it was your fault.

Maybe you should have fought tooth and nail.

Maybe you shouldn't have given up on the slightest problem.

Maybe… Maybe you should have told him you loved him.

Oh, how desperately you wish you could go back to that night and change your mind.

But alas, it was too late now.

He had moved on.

It took him two weeks.

Two fucking weeks.

Maybe you were a fool.

Maybe you weren't as significant to him as you thought.

Maybe you fell harder than he did.

Maybe he didn't even fall.

Maybe he never felt a thing for you.

If he loved you, he would have spoken up, wouldn't he?

If he loved you, he wouldn't have walked away.

The first thing you did when you walked into your apartment was go straight for a bottle of vodka that you and Kiernan had been saving for special occasions. The pain in your heart begged for some kind of relief, and though you were aware that alcohol was merely a temporary and unwise solution, you consumed it without hesitation. The burning sensation as it slid down your throat was a harsh reminder of your desperation, yet you continued to drink until Kiernan swiftly took the bottle from your grasp.

“This isn't the answer, Y/N,” she said, her voice heavy with concern.

“I don't care,” you retorted defiantly, snatching the bottle back and taking another swig. "I’ve lost him forever."

Kiernan's face displayed a mixture of sadness and understanding. She knew all too well the depth of your feelings for Ben.

“Two weeks, Kiki. Just two goddamn weeks.” You slammed the bottle down on the counter, the weight of your emotions crashing down on you. The tears threatened to spill once more as the haunting images invaded your thoughts.

“He's a complete idiot, Y/N. You deserve better.” Your friend's words were meant to console you, but they only fueled the fire of longing within you.

“He's not. He's… he's perfect.”

There it was.

The first tear fell, followed by an unstoppable cascade.

“I want him back.”

Your friend stared at you, baffled. “What the hell, Y/N? Look at yourself. You're crying over him! He hurt you, and now you want him back?”

The irony wasn't lost on you.

You reached out, your trembling hand desperate to reclaim the bottle, but Kiernan swiftly evaded your grasp, maintaining a firm hold. The throbbing ache in your head intensified, a relentless reminder of the pain that consumed you. Was it the incessant crying or the potent alcohol that caused this torment? You couldn't be certain.

“It was a stupid fight,” you mumbled, the words barely escaping your quivering lips. In your heart, you knew that you had let your pride get the best of you, allowing him to slip away without a fight.

Yet, he too had succumbed to his own pride, refusing to stay and resolve the turmoil that had driven you apart. 

It was a tragic dance between two souls too stubborn to admit their mistakes.

“He was with someone else, remember?”

Of course, you remembered. The image was etched into your mind, an indelible mark that you were certain would haunt your dreams tonight.

Overwhelmed by a deluge of emotions, you felt like you were drowning in a sea of despair. Each wave crashing against your fragile spirit, threatening to consume you entirely.

Desperation surged through your veins as you pleaded with Kiernan, “Give me the bottle.” Your outstretched hand reached for the refuge that lay within its glass confines, a temporary escape from the anguish that engulfed you. But Kiernan, ever the vigilant guardian of your well-being, took a step back, denying you that solace for the time being.

“No,” she said firmly, her voice laced with determination. “If you truly want to find solace, then confront him and seek the closure you crave. But resorting to this,” she added, gesturing towards the bottle, “won't resolve your troubles.”

As Kiernan's words sank in, you swiftly reached for your purse, retrieving your phone with purpose.

“What are you doing?”

“I'm gonna call him,” you simply said, unlocking your phone and dialing Ben's number.

Kiernan's eyes widened in alarm, but she was unable to snatch the phone from your grip in time. “No! You're drunk. You'll regret this come morning.”

You hushed her and patiently waited for Ben to answer on the other end. However, instead of hearing his voice, you were directed to his voicemail.

Sadness and longing turned into anger so quickly.

Guess he was too busy with his supermodel to pick up the phone.

So, when the beep signaled that you could finally record your message, you unleashed a torrent of emotions.

“It’s me… How are you doing, darling? I’m sure you’re having the time of your life at the party, but guess what? I'm not there. I'm here, drowning in my own misery. And it’s all your fault! You left me here, all alone, to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart.” 

Your voice trembled with a mix of pain, anger, and raw vulnerability as you poured your heart out. The words spilled forth like a river in spate, uncensored and uninhibited. 

“Two weeks! Two fucking weeks! And you’re already parading around some bimbo! But heaven forbid you from being that public with me! I hope she's everything you ever dreamed of. I hope she's the best thing that ever happened to you because you sure as hell are the worst thing that ever happened to me!” The words rolled off your tongue, laced with venom. Kiernan stood there, stunned and taken aback by the unexpected eruption. Silence lingered for a moment, like a thick fog enveloping the room, before you found your voice again.

“You couldn't even pick up the goddamn phone. You were too busy flaunting your new conquest, leaving me here to drown in my own tears. So, congratulations, my love. You broke me. You pushed me to the edge, and now I'm teetering, unsure if I can ever find my way back. But one thing is for certain: I love you, you know? You’re an asshole, but I’m fucking in love with you! And I hate that I can't hate you. Not even now.” 

The fury that consumed your being gradually transformed into anguish, as vulnerability seeped into your voice. “Why wasn't I good enough, huh? Why wasn't I enough? Why did you make me fall madly in love with you, only to walk away? What was cheap to you, to me was all I had… You’re everything I want.” 

By now, tears have cascaded down your face, as if a floodgate had been opened. Kiernan approached you with a gentle caution, reaching out to retrieve the phone from your trembling hand, putting an end to the distressing call.

That was enough for tonight.

Sun rays found their way through the gaps in the blinds, piercing through the darkness and aiming directly at your face. Despite your eyes being tightly shut, the persistent light managed to infiltrate, causing a wave of annoyance to wash over you. Letting out a low groan, you buried your face even deeper into the softness of the pillow. Your head was pounding, pulsating with each heartbeat as if a thousand tiny drums were beating inside your skull. Flashes from last night hit you hard, like a haunting slideshow, further deterring any desire to abandon the safety and comfort of your bed.

“Rise and shine, sunshine.”

Interrupting your struggle, Kiernan's cheerful voice broke through the fog of your discomfort, causing you to emit yet another groan.

“I don’t wanna get up,” you mumbled, your voice muffled by the pillow.

“Well, lucky for you, I'm a thoughtful friend, and I'm not going to let you wallow in sadness, basking in your heartbreak,” she declared, pulling back the curtains to flood the room with light. “Come on, I made breakfast.” She clasped her hands together, urging you to leave the bed.

Reluctantly, you complied. You threw on your robe, realizing that you had been too intoxicated the night before to change into your pajamas. Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you noticed the smeared makeup and disheveled hair.

Truly, you were a sight to behold.

“Here,” Kiernan said, extending a glass of water and painkillers as you entered the kitchen.

“Thank you,” you mumbled, accepting the offering.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like shit,” you retorted, taking a bite of the avocado toast to soothe your queasy stomach.

“Do you remember anything from last night?” She probed gently.

“You mean, do I remember witnessing Ben proudly flaunting his new trophy? Yes, I do, Kiernan.”

“What about the phone call?” She asked cautiously, her voice tinged with trepidation.

Confusion furrowed your brow. “What phone call?”

“You don’t remember?” Kiernan's voice betrayed a mixture of surprise and worry.

Clearly, the memory eluded you.

Shaking your head, you implored, “What are you talking about?”

“When we came back from the party, you started drinking and… You were angry and sad… And I swear I tried to stop you, but… ” Kiernan's voice trailed off, her guilt evident.

“Get to the point, Kiernan!”

“You called Ben.”

Your body froze as your friend uttered those words.

Oh, no.

Oh, no…

“He didn’t pick up, though,” she quickly added.

Oh, thank goodness.

“So you left him a voicemail,” she concluded, and suddenly, your entire world collapsed.

“What exactly did I say?” You managed to ask, unsure if you truly wanted to hear the response.

“Well, you called him out for moving on so quickly; you told him that he was the worst thing that had happened to you… And you told him that you loved him.”

You buried your face in your hands, desperately wishing for the ground to open up and swallow you whole. After months of holding back those three words in your relationship, it was beyond frustrating that the first time you uttered them was in a drunken voice message, two weeks after the breakup.

“I can't believe this is happening to me...”

“Maybe he doesn't think anything of it,” Kiernan offered, trying to be helpful, but her attempt fell flat.

Despite the brevity of your relationship, you knew Ben inside and out. There was no way he would overlook that voicemail.

What a way to humiliate yourself... Thank goodness you at least didn't remember it.

It was clear that luck was clearly not on your side, and it became even more apparent when the doorbell suddenly chimed. Glancing at the kitchen clock, you realized it was half past nine in the morning. It was Sunday, and neither you nor Kiernan were expecting any visitors. 

“It’s him,” you said.

Kiernan raised an eyebrow, clearly puzzled. “How can you be so sure?”

“Who else would it be?” you replied, the weariness of the situation evident in your voice.

“Do you think he cares enough to show up here at this ungodly hour on a Sunday?” Kiernan questioned skeptically.

You shrugged. “He’s full of surprises.”

Which was true. Ben never stopped surprising you, both for better and for worse.

“Do you want me to open?” Kiernan asked.

Did you want her to open the door? It was a valid question, one that left you pondering your own conflicted feelings.

The doorbell rang once more, the sound becoming increasingly irritating.

Resigned, you let out a weary sigh. “Let him in.”

Kiernan approached the door, her hand reaching for the knob. And you were right. It was him. And he kept looking as radiant as the night before, only this time the smile was missing from his face.

“Hey, Kiernan,” he greeted your friend, his voice filled with a mix of familiarity and uncertainty. “Is Y/N home?”

The protective instinct within Kiernan surged forward. “Why do you want to see her?”

“I need to talk to her.”

Reluctantly, Kiernan swung the door open wider, allowing Ben to enter. You avoided eye contact with him; your gaze focused on your friend. At that moment, a silent conversation unfolded between you, the unspoken question, “Are you okay?” hanging in the air. With a simple nod, you reassured your friend, and Kiernan understood your wordless response. She bid her farewell and departed from the apartment.

Once you were alone, silence took over the room. Neither of you uttered a word. You could sense his penetrating gaze fixated on you, yet you stubbornly avoided making eye contact, choosing instead to focus on the coffee that had long since turned cold.

Ben cleared his throat. “Are you not going to say anything?”

With a nonchalant demeanor, you retorted, “You’re the one who came here. I have nothing to say.”

“You seemed to have a lot to say last night.”

Low blow.

You shrugged. “I was drunk.”

A hint of disappointment colored Ben's voice as he replied, “That much I could tell.”

“Then why are you here?” You questioned as your gaze finally met his. 

“There’s nothing between Alexia and me,” he said. “We are just friends.”

Oh, so that’s her name…

You scoffed, your eyes rolling in disbelief. “Yeah, right,” you replied sarcastically. “I don't give a damn. Do whatever the hell you want.”

“You sounded like you really cared in your message.”

“I don’t remember what I said; I was drunk… People do stupid shit when they’re drunk. Calling their exes is one of them.”

“You know, it’s not fair that you blame our breakup solely on me.”

“I'm not blaming you,” you sighed, feeling the weight of your throbbing headache and aching heart. “Nobody is.”

“Yes, you did. You said it was all my fault.”

You let out a groan, the pain in your head intensifying. This conversation was the last thing you needed right now.

“Why do you even care about what I said? You've moved on, haven't you? Go spend your day with your new girl!”

“Alexia and I are just friends,” he insisted once again.

“Well, if that’s how you act with your friends, I’m glad we are no longer together.”

His face contorted into a frown, clearly stung by your words. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“She clearly fits your type. I see you have no problem flaunting her around town,” you calmly stated, though your words dripped with underlying resentment. “I suppose your privacy isn't a priority anymore.”

“I don’t like what you are insinuating, Y/N,” he retorted, his voice heavy with displeasure.

“I am not insinuating anything; I am simply stating the facts. How many times have you gone out of your way to avoid being seen with me by the paparazzi? How many times have you refused to hold my hand in public?” Your frustration grew as you spoke the unadulterated truth, while he attempted to invalidate your feelings. “I guess you don't care about being seen with her and rumors circulating. So, it's evident that the problem lies with me. I’m sorry for not being good enough for you, for being beneath you in every aspect.”

“Is that what you think of me?” he inquired, his voice tinged with a hint of sorrow. “That’s the kind of guy you think I am?”

“It's the image you're portraying,” you responded, resolute in your stance.

“I was trying to protect you!”

“How considerate you are… Well, thank you very much for your protection… Look where we are because of it.”

“Stop blaming me!”

“It is your fault!” You finally raised your voice. “You're the one flaunting your new fling just two weeks after we called it quits… It’s wonderful to see how much our relationship meant to you.”

For a moment, a flicker of regret glinted in Ben's eyes. “I never wanted it to end this way.” His admission was soft, almost defeated. 

The words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of what could have been. You felt the anger still coursing through your body, but you knew that engaging in another pointless argument with him would only lead to more pain.

"It's too late now," you replied calmly. 

What’s done is done. And no matter how much you wanted to go back to that dreadful night and change your mind. The urge to rush into his arms, seeking the solace that had always been exclusive to his embrace had to be dismissed.

It didn’t matter, because he didn’t want you back.

“Is it?” he asked, his voice tinged with a glimmer of hope.

What?

He approached the kitchen counter, where you remained steadfast, having not budged from that spot since he had stepped foot into the apartment.

You furrowed your brow, trying to make sense of his words. His statement didn't quite match up with the situation.

“Is it too late, Y/N?” he asked again. 

“Of course, it’s too late. You’re with someone new,” you replied, your voice laced with a tinge of bitterness.

Ben let out a frustrated sigh, his eyes searching yours for understanding. “For the last time, I’m not dating Alexia.”

Your retort was on the tip of your tongue, ready to be unleashed, but before you could utter a word, he spoke again.

“We both got cast in a movie together, and they wanted us to go to that party as a pair.”

“You got the part?” You asked, momentarily forgetting about the situation at hand.

For weeks, Ben had been eagerly awaiting that phone call. Even during moments of doubt, you had been there to reassure him that he had done an amazing job during his audition, and it was only a matter of time before he received the call.

And you had been right. They called, and he got the role. However, you had not been there to celebrate with him as you had promised.

A small smile formed on his lips. Though subtle, it still made your stomach flip inside you. It held a certain charm that made it impossible to resist. 

“Yeah, I did.”

“Told you, you would,” you said. “I didn't peg you for someone who would pull a PR stunt, though.”

“I didn’t have a say in it.”

Silence hung in the air. While you were unfamiliar with the inner workings of the industry, you understood that actors often had no option but to partake in such stunts to capture public and media attention. You couldn't hold him responsible for succumbing to the pressure.

“She’s really pretty.” Your focus returned to your coffee, unable to meet his gaze, not when you were feeling this vulnerable and tears were welling up in your eyes.

“Yeah, she is… But she’s not you,” he replied softly, his words infused with genuine sincerity. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, Y/N, and I wish I could go back to that night; I really do.” 

His confession compelled you to lift your head, locking eyes with him once more. At that moment, you realized he too was battling his own tears, his gaze reflecting nothing but honesty and vulnerability.

“I wish I could take it all back, take back the hurt I've caused you,” he continued, a hint of remorse in his voice. “And I wish I had told you I loved you.”

A lump seized your throat when you heard him pronounce those three words. Those three words that you had left in his voicemail—a message you had no memory of recording.

“Did you mean it?” he asked cautiously.

You nodded, not trusting your voice right now.

How could you not love him? It was as if a magnetic force had brought you together from the very first glance. A connection so strong, it awakened emotions you never knew existed. He had a way of making you feel special. Every second spent by his side was filled with joy, comfort, and a deep sense of belonging. It was impossible not to be drawn to his kind soul. Yes, of course you loved him, because he brought out the best in you and made you believe in love.

With a gentle touch, his hand extended to brush away a tear trickling down your cheek. The warmth of his hand against your skin sent shivers down your spine.

Oh, how badly you had missed his touch…

“I love you,” you finally whispered. “I love you so much, and I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.”

As the words escaped your lips, a wave of relief washed over you. The weight on your chest began to lift, replaced by a glimmer of hope.

Ben's eyes softened, a mixture of surprise and joy dancing within them. A tender smile tugged at the corners of his lips, as he leaned in closer, his forehead gently resting against yours.

Those three words, so delicately uttered, felt like a dream to him. They held a different meaning than the drunken voicemail he had listened to. They felt real and genuine. It was as if the alcohol had merely blurred the edges of your emotions, while now, in this vulnerable moment, they shone with clarity and truth.

The walls between you crumbled, and all that remained was the rawness of your emotions. You found solace in each other's vulnerability, knowing that you were both willing to mend what had been broken.

“I don't want to lose you. I want to make things right; give us another chance.”

There they were. The words you had longed to hear for two weeks, and which you thought you'd only hear in your dreams.

He wanted you back.

And you wanted him back.

Yet, a sense of hesitation crept over you.

“I don’t want to lose you either, but we can’t just ignore what happened.”

He gripped your hand tightly as if he feared you’d slip away again. “I understand, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I want us to grow stronger from this.”

You traced the lines on his palm, feeling the warmth and stability that had been missing for these agonizing weeks. “It still hurts. How can you guarantee it won’t happen again?”

“I can't guarantee anything, but I can promise to be more mindful of your feelings. To communicate openly and honestly, rather than burying things under layers of bitterness and silence. I never want to hurt you again.”

You looked into his eyes, sensing the honesty that radiated from within, and you realized that the love you felt for him was stronger than the hurt that had led to your breakup. His vulnerability and his willingness to confront his own mistakes and grow from them spoke volumes about the person he was and the depth of his love for you.

“Let’s give it another chance.”

Ben's eyes filled with a sense of relief, and he released a deep breath he had been holding onto for far too long. With a tender motion, he closed the tiny gap between your mouths. 

Oh, how badly you have craved his soft lips… You almost forgot how good they felt against yours.

Your lips molded against each other with a perfect fit. The taste of familiarity and warmth danced on your tongue, blending with the electric pulse coursing through your veins. 

As you reluctantly pulled apart, you instinctively enveloped him in your arms. Your face nestled into the crook of his neck, taking in the comforting scent that was uniquely his. In response, he reciprocated the gesture, encircling you tightly in his embrace, drawing you even closer... 

“I’ve missed you,” you mumbled against his skin.

Oh, how good it felt to be back in his arms…

Ben let out a satisfied sigh, his embrace growing tighter as he murmured softly, “I’ve missed you, too.”

You held onto him tightly, savoring the moment. The past two weeks behind you, no longer relevant to the future that lies ahead of you.

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 1 – STONY FAVORITES

When I Think (Oh, it Terrifies Me) by celli

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 8,643 Tags: Telepathy, First Time, Tony Hates Magic

Summary: Look, some mornings you wake up and little green men are invading New York City; some mornings you wake up and you can hear Captain America's voice in your head. Tony has been an Avenger long enough that he saves his freakout for important things.

Reasons why I love it: The humor in this is superb, it makes me laugh every time. Seeing how they care for one another even before they realize they want more is really, really sweet. And the conclusion in the end is brilliant in concept alone, but also so goddamn funny. Also, drunk-by-extension-Steve is a delight, always and forever.

I Hate You: A Love Story by FestiveFerret

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 14,558 Tags: College AU, Booty Calls, Enemies to Friends to Lovers

Summary: Tony had honestly been stunned that his "Wanna fuck?" line had actually worked, but tasting Steve's desperation on his tongue now, it made a bit more sense. All Tony wanted was a handful of that muscular ass and a look at the abs he'd seen a hint of under Steve's painted-on shirt.

Reasons why I love it: Ferret never misses, and this fic is exhibit 399 of proof of that. I love the way Tony and Steve's relationship develops from begrudgingly in lust to actually caring for one another. And to top off a wonderful story, the smut is also superb. I've probably read this fic more than 30 times, but I always come back to read it again. It's definitely one of my comfort fics.

Exact Measurements Required by trilliath

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 13,517 Tags: Wardrobe Malfunctions, Humor, Crack Treated Seriously

Summary: That time S.H.I.E.L.D. quartermasters accidentally put Steve's balls in a vise and it goes exactly as well as you'd expect it to. Tony promptly offers to help. Because he's helpful like that. Obviously.

Reasons why I love it: One of my favorite Stony fics of all time. Not only is it scorchingly hot, but the way trilliath took this cracky concept and turned it into such a lovely story is absolutely amazing. Tony is hilarious in this, and Steve's inner monologue just takes the cake. Definitely read this, if you haven't already!

The Highest Form of Friendship by ChibiSquirt

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 5,661 Tags: Getting Together, Humor, Sex on a Car

Summary: “Imagine if I’d met you back in my hellion days,” Tony says, and Steve groans out loud. There’s a mental image, here. Well, Steve’s a visual kind of guy; mental images are how he operates. The mental image is of a baby Tony - okay, not baby; Heyday Tony, let’s call him - and Heyday Tony has dark eyes and a wide mouth, and the little pin-scratch frown that Nowadays Tony wears all the time these days has been magically retrotransformed into a confident smirk. Heyday Tony has the same lean strength that Nowadays Tony has, but he looks taller because he bears himself more aggressively, more straight-backed. Heyday Tony has poofy hair and a tendency to look all the way down, and all the way back up, at a person - regardless of gender - before meeting their eyes. Steve knows: he’s seen the videos. Has maybe studied the videos. Has maybe spent more time on that activity than strictly appropriate... “Can we not?” he pleads. “It didn’t happen that way, and it did happen this way, and that’s how it is.”

Reasons why I love it: Their chemistry in this one is just off the charts. ChibiSquirt's characterizations never miss, but in this one especially they completely knocked it out of the park. The fic is equal parts scorchingly hot and hilarious, so definitely give it a read, if you haven't already.

Unfurl Your Gown by theladyingrey42

Pairing: Steve/Tony, past Steve/Bucky Rating: E Words: 8,541 Tags: Crossdressing, Denial, Barebacking

Summary: "I feel ridiculous." Steve scowls at his drink and pretends he's not shifting just to feel the skirt against his thighs.

Reasons why I love it: I don't know why I have a huge thing for Steve struggling-with-gender-concepts Rogers, but I do. And this fic scratches that itch in the most satisfying way. It's heartbreaking in one moment, hot as hell the next, and finishes off with a conclusion that makes my heart melt every time. Tony is so lovely in this, supporting Steve all the way, and Steve's inner conflict is gloriously written. I can't recommend it highly enough.

[callsigns-haze]

Pretty like a crime

Chapter 12

Pairing: Agent Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Singlemom! Agent Y/n 'Cobra' Y/l/n

Summary: Cobra is finally back on the agency and is finally back in the job. With Kai at home she has to jumble being a mother and a agent. She's sent to her first U.C mission but never thought that she would meet a blonde, green eyed Texan...

Warning: Mentions of gun use, ptsd, mentions of death, mentions of shooting, flirting, mentions of abuse, description of dead body, death, blood, undercover work, alcohol use, smut, kissing

Prologue/ Part 1/ Part 2/Part 3/ Part 4/ Part 5/ Part 6/ Part 7/ Part 8/ Part 9/ Part 10/ Part 11

You held him in your arms. Funerals. You hated them but at this point you've built up an immune system to the tears and pain. On the outside of course, never the inside. Your arm was wrapped around Jake's waist and you put your head on his shoulder. You looked down at the ground.

Javy.

You see, Jake loved Javy like a brother. You know? Hangman and coyote the ultimate duo. Yep, that was them, that was the two lads we were talking about. They knew that one day they'd be gone but never expected it so soon. Jake also felt guilty. He brought Javy out that night to seek satisfaction in revenge upon Matthew and yet that cost him Coyotes and Justin's life along with Matt's.

You stayed there a little bit after everyone walked away. Jake needed his moment. Honestly, how do you say goodbye, to someone who's been with you for your goddamn life. Who gave you some of the best laughs of your life and flashes a smile when he looks at yours. Jake never wanted this to end, Coyote was one of his closest friends.

Along with Bob. Bob and Hangman were rough but never strangers. He was like a younger brother to Jake, always there if he needed a hand, always helping him hunt someone down. Calling him a baby or dummy was a way of expressing his love because he expressed it through his cockiness and Bob knew that, he always did.

Phoenix. She was the 'man'. Jake always teased her about running as fast as she could but she only wanted to prove that she could be as fast as a man. And Jake was so sick of men coming at her again, because if she was a man, she'd be a man.

Fanboy, he was sweet like candy, in his veins. Surrounded by all the horrible things of the day. He was like lightning in a bottle, happiness never leaving because it was all that he thought of. All he did was strike people with the heart of electric love. He strikes with that electric love.

Payback, he was calm. His eyes are godlike and voice and tone approved. He was patient and timing with a bunch of happiness underneath the prince-like features. He was composed but with Jake he was wild.

Jake loved each one of them. They were his family. And now they were all in the stars. The six feet made it feel so far. Jake felt alone between the heavens and the embers. Oh, it just crushes him so hard, stabbed him like a knife in the back for a million different reasons. They built and shaped his heart and now a part forever stopped beating.

You whatsoever love the daggers equally as much but one man today had a special feeling upon you. Justin. He was your brother. Your love for him beats deeper than the ink of your matching tattoos. You both went through similar trauma and that's the truth. You may have grown apart, lived different lives but heaven only knew that somehow you'd find your way back to him.

And Matthew. He may have been your ex but still. He was the man that rocked your world solid while it lasted. He was the love of your life or what you thought he'd be but not anymore. It still hurts for a million different reasons, he was the light in the dark and now it suddenly dims. He took a piece of your life and now you stay here not knowing how to respond honestly.

You allow Jake to have a moment and walk over to Bradley and your little boy. As soon as Kai notices you walking over, he speeds out of Bradley's reach and runs to you. You grab him mid flight and lift him up into your arms, placing him upon your hip. You give him a delicate kiss on his forehead and walk back over to Bradley.

"Is Jake okay?" Asked Bradley, he worry about his only friend who managed to survive this murder attempt. You look over where your boyfriend stands and simply sigh. You didn't know what was going to happen from now on. There was nothing left for you here, no proof about your past existence and no survivors to tell on your tale.

Kai rests his head in the croak of your neck as you rub his back up and down and finally answer Bradley's question. "Honestly, only time will tell."

He simply nodded and asked, "And you?"

"I'll be fine." You will be fine, with time obviously. You just needed time like every normal person would.

You all stand in silence until Kai lets out a little pep in your ear, a sort of whisper, is a better way of describing it. "Can I go to Jakey? He seems sad, I don't wanna see Jakey sad."

You tried to stop your tears from welling up in your eyes and you kissed your son's forehead and nodded a simple yes and put him down on the ground. The second those little booties collided with the ground those feet took off in Jake's direction. God bless for your boys.

-------

You have just placed your son in bed and tucked his covers up tight to his chin. The two of you were telling stories, just like every single night. It was a story followed by a melodic bedtime song. You have just sang the last note as Alfie strides in with his golden fluff, slipping across the floor like a mop. You give him the lightest rubs as he gets up onto Kai's leg bed space.

You know Kai is a comfort now. He has the best guard to watch now and you could finally take two steps back before closing the door.

Jake decided to go to Javy's place to just get some last things and say a last proper good, goodbye. You knew it was a while till he would get your plans done and dusted and Bradley still was coming up to collect work papers soon.

All you have to do now is wait. Rest and wait, that's all you got to do now. You slide down to the couch with a bottle of wine in hand. You weren't even bothered to get glasses for this, you were drinking it damn straight from the bottle. You needed it for after today and the night that only sparked.

You needed to stop that November flash as it filled your eyes once again. It was like a cure. This place was once a madhouse, decking the halls with light and life. One for friendship, two for love, three for you never letting go. But too bad you're messed up in the head, nobody would even notice you're dead.

You lie there for a while, half a bottle done. How did you feel? You felt like you were going to die. You rolled your head back on the couch. Bradley would be here soon and you were far from sobber. You lay like that for a while longer, eyes closed and head tilted up to the ceiling as your last breath was long and clean before a rag covered your mouth and nose with a hand over your eyes.

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[ele-sme]

3 years

3 years passed since Neteyam died in the last battle, 3 years passed since Quaritch died, shot again by an arrow.

3 years passed without humans on the way.

The grief took over the family for a year, then they had to move on.

Life was good now, Neteyam was missed dearly, but he now was in peace.

Lo'ak and Tsireya started official court, Tuk started training, Kiri decided to return to the forest and continue her training as Tsahìk, Spider, even if slowly was becoming a warrior for the sea clan.

Jake and Neytiri some how moved on, day wasn't passed without them going to check on their forever teen son.

But eventually they calmed down, even apologise to Spider.

Welcomed him into the family, and he slowly became an official part of it, growing strangely close to Neytiri.

She lost a son, he never had a mother, they needed the comfort of one another.

Still he didn't call her mom, but there was time, they had all the time in their life.

Until...

Tuk, Lo'ak and Spider spent all morning togheter.

They played with the water, swimmed, draw on the sand and so so much more.

Now they were laying on the soft sand, now colder and not hot.

Watching as the sun flew down and the sky became of an unnatural natural shape of orange.

Spider was in peace, this is all he ever hoped for.

Being accept, having a family to call his own, a father and a mother, siblings.

Although...

There was one thing he missed more than everything.

Neteyam.

His first friend, died because of him.

In 3 years everyone who visited him said to Spider how Neteyam's soul was not angry at him.

But he wanted to hear it from him...

The thought of never seeing Neteyam again...

Everyone could but not him, that wasn't fair, that was dishonest, this was mad-

But also will of the mother, if she wanted him to see Neteyam, he would have been born with a normal body, and not a pink tiny one.

The sun was now fully dissapering, and the bioluminescence was appearing.

"Guys!" Tsireya happy voice was heard, making Lo'ak jump up.

He greeted her with a kiss, which made Tuk do a disgusted sound.

"Reya, you should totally upper you standards" she said, making Tsireya chuckles and Lo'ak mad at his baby sister.

Spider close his eyes when they started to yell at one another.

So goddamn similar to eachother.

...

...

...

Something was wrong...

Spider felt wrong.

Breathing was hard.

His eyes didn't want to open.

What was happening?!

What the f-

"Spider"

...

Spider forgot about this voice, Something he never wanted to admit out loud but made him cry for months.

But this...this was Neteyam voice!

Spider eyes were close but he could feel Neteyam sitting next to him.

"Dude" he said, Spider couldn't reply, like his lips were glue togheter.

"It's been a while" Neteyam said, as he played a little with Spider's locks.

Why was Neteyam there? Was this a dream?

"I need to bring you there, a direct order" he continued

Oh

As a tear fell off Spider cheek, he gave the other a smile.

He could feel Neteyam taking his oxygen mask off.

Although he could also still feel it but that feeling was faitinig away.

He finally open his eyes again, Neteyam next to him smiling happily at the boy.

Spider sit up right and he finally after so long hugged Neteyam.

"She wants you there personally, she loves you so much i swear, she can't stop talking about you" Neteyam said in the hug.

As they pull away, Spider looked at his friends and siblings.

Tuk and Lo'ak still yelling at eachother meanwhile Tsireya tried to calm them.

"What about them?" He asked, and Neteyam's face was longing.

He wished to remain there for them too.

But this wasn't how the mother wanted.

"They will go on, they're strong" he said.

He offered a hand for standing up, which Spider kindly accepted, he was now standing.

He chuckles when he noticed that he was somehow teller then Neteyam.

' must be a dead thing '

"Ohh shut up" Neteyam said without even letting him start.

With the same hand, he helped Spider step out of his physical body.

Who was now resting in peace, soon to be laid with the ancestors.

Hand in hand they walked in the forest.

"Don't turn away to face them, that would only hurt more" Neteyam said, tightening his grip on Spider's hand.

In the distance there was Tuk, who scream that Spider couldn't breath.

Another few steps and a cold bloody scream came from behind them.

"There's also a human woman waiting for you" Neteyam said, grinning at Spider.

"My...?" Neteyam nodded immediately.

Waiting for them a latin woman, with a shine smile on her face she said hello to her son.

Hugging him tightly when he arrived.

"Come my son, she been waiting for you"

And them three walked away, leaving behind an horrific scene.

Of two parents loosing both young sons in less then five years.

[yanderecrazysie]

Hihi! If your fine with it, Can I request part 2 of anonyance? I swear I can’t find Yan!Futakuchi fics anywhere in tumblr give my boy some love too 😭

Also can I be 💭 or 🥞 anon?

I am more than fine with it, my precious anon! And I don’t really keep track of anons officially, but you can be either of those!

And this is more than a drabble than anything.

Title: Annoyance (Part 2)

Pairings: Futakuchi Kenji x Reader

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, swearing

Summary: You’ve always found Futakuchi annoying, but he’s only gotten worse since you caught his attention.

Part 1: here

annoyance

/noun/

a thing that annoys someone; a nuisance

“That was a great first date, right?” Futakuchi asked, a smug grin spreading across his face. “I rocked your world, didn’t I?”

“It was alright,” you said vaguely.

“Alright?” Futakuchi spluttered, looking highly offended, “Stop being stuck up and admit it- you loved this date.”

“Stuck up?” Your voice raised.

“That’s not what I-” Futakuchi looked frustrated, running a hand through his hair. You had to admit, he was handsome, especially all dressed up like he was.

But God almighty, was he annoying.

The date had been nice- the restaurant he had picked was fancy, but not too expensive. He had paid the bill with a grin on his face that just begged for you to tell him how impressed you were.

It was the talk during the meal that you truly didn’t like. Futakuchi was infuriating. He spent the entire time talking about how great he was and all of his accomplishments. He barely even took a breath, much less a goddamn bite of his food.

The dinner lasted forever because of his incessant yapping, but you managed to tune him out a half hour in, focusing entirely on your meal. He never once even asked if you were enjoying yourself.

“Listen, the date would have been more than ‘alright’ if you had just shut up about yourself,” you explained.

Futakuchi opened his mouth as though to say something, then closed it again. He looked genuinely at a loss, as though he couldn’t believe you truly didn’t enjoy your date with him.

“Well, I have to go,” you sighed, turning away from him. He grabbed your wrist.

“Where are you going? I have to drive you home.”

“No, I’m just going to grab an uber. Thanks for tonight, I guess.”

Futakuchi’s eyes flashed and when he next spoke, it was through gritted teeth, “Why are you making this so difficult? I’m doing this for us.”

“Us?” You couldn’t hold back a derisive laugh, “What ‘us’? There is no ‘us’.”

His grip on your wrist tightened until it was painful, “You threw that ball at my face, remember? You’re the one who started this.”

You managed to yank your wrist from his grip and glared at him, “What the hell is wrong with you? Listen, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have thrown the ball at you.”

Futakuchi made another grab for your arm but you stepped out of his reach. He pulled his lips back into a sort of snarl, and glared at you, “This is your fault, so take some fucking responsibility.”

You threw your hands up into the air, “I just did, you stupid asshole.”

A sudden vulnerability etched its way across Futakuchi’s face as he reached out for your arm once more, gentler this time, “Look…just…”

He looked up at you with watery eyes, “You don’t have to love me right away, okay? I just… just please stay by my side for a while.”

You hated the part of you who was a sucker for sensitivity. You nodded reluctantly, “Yeah, fine, I’ll hang out with you. I’m not going to fall in love with you, but I won’t abandon you either.”

Futakuchi pulled you into a sudden hug. A soft smile spread across your face, until he whispered in your ear, “I knew you’d see reason.”

You could practically hear the smugness in his whisper. That soft smile was long gone.

He really was an asshole, wasn’t he?

[eclecticqueennerd]

Confessions

Part 4

*language, drug use, mild violence, angst*

After finding Soldier Boy roaming around a neighborhood in New York, you and Hughie stashed him away in some janky motel to which Hughie promptly texted Butcher to tell him the address. Soldier Boy sat on the creaky bed across the room, head in his hands while you and Hughie watched from a distance.

“Can you believe that bitch sold me out to the Russians? Man, I thought she loved me.”

“It never fails that our loved ones find some way to disappoint us.” You lament. Hughie looks at you and shook his head, almost pleading with you not to speak further. Soldier Boy looks up and meets your eyes.

“I thought that they were my friends. But in the end, they fucking hated me. They weren’t even paid!” You noticed a light glowing coming from under his shirt, similar to the glow you first saw back in Russia when Kimiko was attacked. Hughie shifted closer to the door but you slowly approached Soldier Boy and knelt in front of him. You placed a hand on the top of his,

“I’m so sorry. It seems that some people don’t understand the concept of loyalty nowadays. Your pain, I get it.” The two of you stayed there for a few minutes, eyes locked. God you seriously hoped this calms him down otherwise you’re all fucked. The glowing dissipated and Soldier Boy looked to the ground, taking a deep breath and gave a curt nod.

You backed up and sat at the table next to the bed. He wants validation, if it means we don’t fucking die, I can give him that. Silence fell upon the room and then,

“Your friend is taking forever; can I get a burger and some reefer while we wait? I’m fucking starving.” Hughie looked at you expectantly, you sighed. Soldier Boy caught the transaction.

“No not her, she stays. You go get it twig.”

“But-“

“It’s okay. I’ll get it. Imma use the bathroom real quick.” You hear pounding on the motel door as you step out of the bathroom. This made both you and Solider Boy jump. Hughie looked through the peep hole and opened the door.

“Ugh, God dude you stink. You need a shower.”

“Nice to see ya too ya prick.”

“What were you even doing last night? Drinking the whole bar?”

“Maeve dropped by with some more Temp-V, we started drinkin’ and one thing led to another…” Butcher turned around and saw you standing in the doorway to the bathroom. Aww fuck, he thought.

It was like someone punched you through the chest and ripped out your still beating heart. Butcher will work with a supe, he will be a supe, he’ll even fuck a supe, but he’ll never love one. You walked past the three men towards the door to leave.

“Make sure you get extra bacon!” Soldier Boy calls out.

*

Good goddamn that line in the lobby for burgers was too long. You do your best not to lose your temper with the workers, they’re being paid shit wages, working for a shit company just to get by in this shit world. You succeed in your efforts and even go so far as to lash out some of your anger towards a Karen waiting for extra ketchup packets busy berating some poor bright-eyed teenager. You turned the corner and then your phone notification goes off,

-He wants bennies too- Yeah, fuck you, Butcher you thought as you opened the gated door, punched in a string of numbers into the keypad and descend the stairs to the dealer Butcher recommended. How convenient that your two destinations were close by to each other.

“You must be y/n, about time! Butcher said you’d be here 30 minutes ago.”

“Hey sorry I’m late, I had to pick something up before this and it took a while.”

“I don’t care, you got the money?”

“Yeah, and I need bennies too.”

“I need bennies too.” The dealer said in a mocking tone. You let the attitude pass and toss the dealer a pile of bills, he counts it and then pockets the cash.

“You’re short.”

“The hell I’m fucking not. Count it again.”

“You think I’m fucking dumb and don’t know how to count? You’re short.”

“Come on, you really think I’m gonna stiff ya?”

“You know and work with Butcher, but I don’t know ya and I don’t trust ya.”

“Yeah well, I aint Butcher, you can trust me. It’s all there.” The dealer approached you quickly and withdrew a pocketknife and held it to your throat.

“You better not fuck with me. Now give me the rest of my money bitch.” With all the events happening lately, you couldn’t contain your rage and snapped. You pushed the dealer far enough away to give the dealer a backhanded slap and a loud crack echoed through the den. The dealer fell to the floor, limp. Realizing what you just did, you knelt and checked for a pulse. Fuck, I just killed the bastard. You took the cash from his pocket and grabbed the pot and bennies and left the hideout.

*

Walking into the motel room, you set your key onto the nightstand and set the food items down on the dining table. Soldier Boy got up from the bed and made his way to the table and started eating his fries. You took the open chair across from him and rubbed at your temples.

“Fuckin took ya long enough. Almost had to send out a damn search party to go find ya.” Butcher exclaimed, throwing his magazine to the side as he approached the table.

“I don’t see why you care.” Butcher’s eyes go dark.

“I believe it or not I care that you get taken, again. I just don’t want you gettin all fucked up and spillin the beans about what me and the boys are up to.”

“You know what Butcher?” you rose from your seat and got in his face. Butcher had a slight look of surprise in his eyes, but it went as quickly as it came.

“If you two are gonna bitch and moan, do it outside and let me enjoy my burger in peace.” Butcher and you stared at each other, neither of you budging from your spot. Your blood was on fire with rage. You’re fucking tired of being treated like shit from Butcher and goddamnit if he wanted to fight, fight you will. Soldier Boy, mouth full of burger said,

“You, Queen Elizabeth, get the fuck out and take the twig with you.” Butcher’s mouth curled up into a smug grin.

“Come on Hughie, we got shit we gotta do.”

You sat back on the chair hard while holding your face in your hands after the motel room door slammed shut. God he’s so infuriating! You wanna yell at Butcher, you wanna fight him, you wanna throw shit, you wanna cry out all your frustrations. But you can’t. Soldier Boy doesn’t need a first-class ticket to your inner turmoil and he’s unstable enough without the addition to all your bullshit.

“Lover’s quarrel?”

“We’re not lovers.”

“Coulda fuckin fooled me.” Soldier Boy spilled the bennies on the table and took his knife out. Using the butt end of the knife he crushed the pills into a powder and snorted them.

“What’s his problem?” You look at him while he wipes the leftover dust on his nose.

“What isn’t Butchers problem?” you retorted.

“What’s his problem with you?”

“That I’m a supe.” Soldier Boy was expecting you to elaborate but you didn’t, that’s the gist of it.

“That’s it?”

“Yeah.”

“What a fuckin pussy.” You giggled but then it morphed into full blown gut busting laughter. You’ve never heard anyone call Butcher a pussy, they were all too scared of what he’s do to them and lately yeah, Butcher has been acting like a pussy. You missed his smirk and glint in Solder Boys eyes while he watched you laugh. By the time you’ve settled down, tears were streaming down your face.

“Ugh, sorry.” You said, looking around trying to find something to wipe them off with. Soldier Boy reached into his bag and produced a napkin for you.

“Don’t be. He must’ve put you through some shit.”

“Yes, he has.”

“You should get back at him.” You gave Soldier Boy a puzzled look. “And by get back at him I mean show him he has no power over you. Best way to get under a guy’s skin, is show him you don’t fuckin need him.”

Soldier Boys right. You don’t need Butcher, he needs you. You’re the one that holds the group together, you’re the one that patches everyone up after a fight, you’re the one that comes up with creative ways of getting a job done.

“By the way, nothing’s wrong with you for being a supe. A real man would stand by his girl no matter what.” Butterflies began in your stomach, you glance down at the table.

“Unless that girl pawns him off to the Russians.” Your eyes went wide, and Soldier Boy let out a gut bursting laugh. You cracked a smile and chuckled slightly.

“Thanks for the pep talk Solider Boy.”

“Not Solider Boy. Call me Ben.”