#Grief Counseling

[magnoliasandarson]

group

Dick wasn't sure he why he was where he was. Unconsciously, his feet carried him to the rec center where he would bring Jason to play basketball. It must've been fate, because he wasn't met with teens playing, but with a group of stone-faced weepers.

They all looked over to him, and he hated what he knew they saw. His pants were covered in mud, a bruise forming on his jaw, blood leaking out of the corner of his mouth, and tears dripping off his chin.

"Welcome to Grief Counseling."

[annarexcouture]

[olameni]

...she asked me when I was going to ask Ifa about finding a wife. I told her that I wasn't ready. Which is true, however, what i meant is that I did not deserve to have one. One day I would like to stop feeling like this.

Notes on Grief 10.25.23

[unofficialchronicle]

An excerpt from a poem by Robert Frost called Home Burial. Frost wrote this poem after his son died, and most of it is between two people (parents of a lost child). I like to imagine the above excerpt is grief talking, and the line that most gets to me is:

TELL ME ABOUT IT IF ITS HUMAN

because grief and pain are so deeply human. If you need support navigating grief, please know you deeply deserve it.

Link to the full poem: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/53086/home-burial

[marlowe1-blog]

The Book of Job, chapters 4-5

Eliphaz the Temanite is a stupid C-nt

Before fullying analyzing these two chapters where Eliphaz ventures to argue with his friend Job about Job's really dark viewpoint, the quote that really gets me is "See how happy is the man whom G-d reproves, Do not reject the discipline of the Almighty" which is something that you can sew into a pillow and give to Grandma and it sounds nice. (5: 17-18 if you really want to do that) but the fact that it comes from the Book of Job should tell you that it's a perilous venture to quote it out of context.

Actually quoting the Bible out of context is a bullshit exercise that people should fucking stop. But I guess I'm howling in the wind since they are calling Bible Thumpers, not Bible Readers.

This is actually a shitty thing to say to anyone. If someone is relatively happy and their life is going well, then you are basically saying that they aren't truly happy until their wife leaves them and they lose their job. But to say it to someone going throught trauma? Fuck you. It's the ancient equivalent of "G-d doesn't give you more than you can handle" or "Everything happens for a reason". It's a stupid fucking thing to say to anyone who is going through a rough patch.

It's fucking evil to say it to a guy whose children just died as he lost all of his money and his health is failing. So that's Eliphaz in a nutshell. Eliphaz is all full of cute little aphorisms and well meaning phrases that help no one but Eliphaz. He sure feels better about himself.

So let's review Eliphaz's rejoinder to Job anger over being born (and over the Leviahan not being let loose to prevent such a horrible moment in his life).

Chapter 4 (remember these are Christian standards but sometimes the Christians can make things easier) starts with Eliphaz claiming that he's reluctant to talk but then upbraids Job for being so helpful to other people in their suffering and now that Job is suffering he's inconsolable? This is rather dickish, but Eliphaz isn't your standard "well I guess all of your comforting words don't work" jerk. He's actually trying to get Job to summon all the strength that Job doesn't have and then goes "what innocent man has ever perished?" which seems perilously close to the Christian beliefs that we are all damned and wicked and awful. He then talks about lions being humbled and what comes around goes around.

So he's saying that Job is somehow guilty.

The rest of the chapter seems like the Christian doctrine where Eliphaz claims to have heard a word, a rumor, something on the wind that told him that no one really measurs up to G-d so of course everyone dies.

The fifth chapter is a ramping up of this belief. Vexation kills a fool. Eliphaz once saw a fool and cursed him. Also foolishness and mischief are man made. And why is Job so smug as to want to judge God who makes rains and saves the needy.

Which brings us back to the shitty quote where Eliphaz says that G-d is justly punishing him and that this is a good thing. Then Eliphaz promises that G-d will make certain that Job is protected. He will save you from the sword; he will protect you from famine and you'll be old and happy.

Just like G-d did with Job's sons. You stupid fuck.

Note that Eliphaz is hitting on the ultimate speech of G-d about how much G-d has to do and how little Job gets of it, but then Eliphaz goes and says that Job deserved and it and that it's cool because that's just punishment and now G-d will totally make things right for Job.

Fuck you Eliphaz.

[coachingandinspirationsfornow]

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[i-luv-yuu]

Hello everyone! If you haven’t already listened to the latest episode of my podcast on Spotify, Apple Music, Google podcast, and more, click below! I’ve redirected from RSS to Acast, but my podcast is still on all listening platforms! Just search “Life after death: Learning to live again” on those platforms and make sure to follow the show to get updates!

[meowmum]

Any advice on dealing with grief?

[christinatenti]

EMDR Trauma Therapy Saved my Life

I felt the shock of ice cold kitchen tile against my tear-streaked cheek. I laid there sobbing and screaming, the gut wrenching birth of death, the pull on my body and in my throat to capitulate to the world that my daughter died and to seemingly physically extract part of her from me now. I rocked myself upright, dizzy and spent. I feel a dog licking my face, another lying in the corner suffering her own grief. Even the dog lost weight as quickly as I drained myself of hunger, of vomit induced by panic attacks and bad dreams of Taylor dying over and over and over for two years. Now, I choose not to think of the two years before EMDR trauma therapy. I can’t believe I made it through the worst a mother can bear.

After almost 7 years after Taylor died by suicide, I’ve regained weight and so has the dog. Two years of talk therapy within the constructs of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) didn’t make a dent in my guilt. In fact, it’s been proven to worsen PTSD. CBT just couldn’t get past the amygdala’s screaming sirens of regret and blame. The therapy allows for new neuropathways that physically curb invasive thoughts and memories. Hypnosis, Reiki, meditation, medication, riding my bike, hiking, writing; all of my coping mechanisms that brought me to healing did not surpass my stuck brain but proved vital after trauma therapy.

EMDR trauma therapy, or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing addresses PTSD, complicated grief, and trauma.  I couldn’t see that at the end of EMDR, I would not incriminate myself. EMDR allowed for my limbic system to disengage from the powerful fight or flight reactions and allow for my brain to process my guilt and end my self-destructive nosedive. It moves glucose from the limbic brain to the thinking brain, the pre-frontal cortex that is fed by the breath and glucose.

EMDR mimics REM, rapid eye movement that we experience in sleep. That process of bilateral stimulation allows the brain to shuffle through the day, the pain, the fear, to categorize memories, and to grow and repair cellular tissue which can’t happen when you’re stressed. The therapy allowed for me to remove the limiting belief that I was solely responsible for my daughter having taken her own life.

A single trauma like this one can be managed in a shorter length of time than traditional therapy. The 90 minute sessions utilize easy, non-threatening bars of light or as is my preference, tiny paddles that gently vibrate in the palms of the hand, left and right and back again to mimic rapid eye movement, creating bilateral stimulation. This back and forth is why walking in nature decreases limbic response by half! The session is precision and results-oriented to identify and address the trauma, replace the limited belief with a positive image or idea, then calm the brain and body by finding and utilizing a safe place in the mind. This technique uses the familiar guided mediation method found on any meditation app. For people who have experienced abuse, more than one event, or prolonged trauma, more sessions are required but far fewer than traditional cognitive therapy sessions, which is another reason it is recognized as one of the effective PTSD therapies for veterans. CBT heightens trauma response, aggravates PTSD to a new level, and rarely helps the core issue as discussed.

EMDR allowed for me to incorporate the myriad of healing behaviors, cognitive brain training, relaxation, and growth I needed to navigate life on new terms. Trauma therapy allowed for me to incorporate the healing processes and healthy behaviors I needed to make new life experiences. I have experienced no negative side effects, decreased depression, and those haunting bad dreams and sleepless nights have ceased. It is not a cure for grief. Grieving is a necessary process. Trauma is not. Grieving and the benefits of actively healing guide us to understand our pain in the book The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss by Dr. Mary Frances O’Connor.

I train my brain with the same safe place meditation I used in EMDR to experience the joys around me, to choose to laugh and to have fun and to bathe in the joys of nature in the present moment. I remind myself not to avoid the pain of missing my daughter but to steer clear of the judgment of it all. We hold ourselves responsible to ourselves and we can pay attention to the souls who are living among us and the body, mind, and spirit that we have been blessed with for this short time if we can teach ourselves to trust the power of the physical body, brain, and how it all works together in life.

[blackeyedsusansdeathmidwifery]

I feel so much better with my loved one and former partner's picture on my dresser nightstand.:) He looks very happy and at peace in his glasses, smiling. It reminds me of how he is now--free, not suffering, and watching over us. It's absolutely helping, and every so often there are moments I take the time to stare at his beautiful face. I spoke to my mother about how after someone passes away, people around, of course, want to remember the pure goodness in them, not the negative actions which were caused by pain and trauma. One could only hope that they realize that was their true self, the light, the unconditional love, not the side which was hurting and really needed loving. The truth is heart-centered, and hearts are beautiful.

[countlessscreamingargonauts]

A post going around about grieving as an adult has me excited about getting my certification in grief counseling next year. I don't know why, but I am comfortable in helping clients grieve their losses. I have a client grieving an infant, a client grieving her husband, a client grieving the loss of her nephew and her brother, and a family grieving the loss of their mother/wife. I see the progress in their lives, and I am so proud of them. I sit with them in their pain, and I look forward to the days when my clients are able to laugh and smile and share memories without anger, rage, sadness, confusion.

I love my job.

[martinacollenderplaywrightblog]

For Vicky

You are a warrior,

You thought us,

How to stand up,

Say it's not good enough,

Not good enough.

With humour,

Dignity,

Quiet trust,

She communicated,

With truth,

Honesty,

Beautiful Dignity,

She stood up,

For thousands,

Millions of women,

She fought,

Tooth and nail,

And broke the silence,

Inflicted by the state,

She was so brave,

In sickness,

Illness,

Fought,

Battled on,

Never shook,

Or fell,

She walked through,

Hell,

With a smile.

She went to funerals,

Or those lost,

Saw her future in the coffin,

Never once thought not,

To continue to fight.

She took on the HSE,

The state,

The devil himself,

And she fought tooth and nail,

To end people's pain,

While she suffered herself,

Giving time and love,

Endlessly.

A bed of heaven to you now Vicky,

An angel among hell,

Rest now my darling,

Your pain has come to an end,

You'll be remembered,

And loved,

Forever and a day more,

We will tell stories of you,

Legend of you,

Warrior of you,

We will never tire to talk,

About brave you were,

A inspirational figure,

Someone to guide the light,

A hero,

We'll miss you forever and a day more.

[opeimsad]

New Grief blog up!

https://mentalhealthedublog.wixsite.com/seana-williams/post/grief

[olameni]

I’m writing love letter to a dead romantic partner. I have out gothed all of you

[michael1wright]

Discover 5 essential steps for achieving personal growth through counseling, from self-awareness and goal-setting to long-lasting emotional transformation.

[coachingandinspirationsfornow]

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