#I actually need to a) edit feeding habits so she can finish that

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

my sister doesn’t know that much about jeremiah bc she hasn’t finished body back or read changing states SO I have been introducing her to him by chatting about the new project and it’s like omg that’s my best friend… we’re talking about my best friend!!!!

[azrielsribbon]

!!! A COURT OF SILVER FLAME SPOILERS !!!

Alternatively, Asli finished the book in like six hours and has many, many thoughts.

ON THE TOPIC OF NESTA, SOME CASSIAN AND NESSIAN AS A WHOLE.

holy shit. this is a lot.

She has grown so much, and I mean that by the little things.

I love that sjm didn’t make it so she was addicted to the wine and sex

Okay I understand Nesta was frustrating sometimes because she really was stubborn but some of the shit Cassian said was really out of line. Especially when he screamed that no one like fucking liked her.

Cassian was down so bad this entire book and I knew that the moment he said he hadn’t bed a female in two years. He was STARVINGGG

Her determination in getting down those stairs, I probably wouldve tested myself down a window or something.

I liked how she bonded with the House. It was a refreshing, different take on loneliness and finding a friend.

The House and how it looked after her. It was the biggest thing in her journey.

One theme I see in Nesta a lot is self sabotage, especially when it means the safety of others. She’s ready to throw herself in front of them.

Her banter with Cassian was really nice to read.

WHEN SHE MENTIONED HAVING A THREESOME TWICE I DIED

Cassian and his backstory was rip. It was really sad thinking about how little kid Cass really regretted some of the things that even he couldn’t control.

sjm did not disappoint with inner thoughts. Those were really refreshing.

She wasn’t vividly jealous or furious at Mor and Cassian’s friendship and I really liked that take.

Cassian’s silent jealously when Helion tries to flirt with Nesta and she dodged it LMAOOO

When Cassian kisses her in front of their family to help her get out of the map

Her silent bond with Az! That kept me going honestly. He was a sly bastard sometimes.

Sometimes I really questioned somethings, like those fast smut scenes but that’s just my preference.

Her marching down to Amren’s after she finds out they voted against her having the weapons she Made

Not to mention how she told Feyre about the baby and the labor risk out of anger, that really hurt both of them and me.

When she stayed silent during her punishment hike with Cassian. Each thought tore me apart.

When he warned her about falling and she was glad he didn’t see the expression on her face. How she didn’t mind if she fell down and how it would better.

When she cried after all those days of silence and finally told him how she felt underneath all that.

He softened up fast too and blamed himself for not realizing all this time why she hated the fire.

Can we talk about that dancing scene with Eris? And how Cassian was secretly exploding on the side as he remembered her mother wanted her to marry a Prince just like Eris.

WHEN ERIS ASKED RHYS WHAT HE WANTED IN EXCHANGE FOR NESTA TO BE HIS BRIDE AFTER LIKE A COUPLE DANCED LMAOO

The Solstice scene had my heart. The gift Az got Nesta and how she hugged him after he told her about it. How Cassian smiled at the sight.

HOW CASS GOT HER A LITTLE MUSIC BOX RECORDED WITH THE MUSIC FROM THE BALLROOM AND HOW HE ASKED THE MUSICIANS TO PERFORM IT FOR HIM AFTER EVERYONE LEFT SO HE COULD GET IT FOR HERRRR

They really kept shit away from each other till it exploded in an argument and that’s a reoccurring theme with this book couple.

WHAT MADE ME SO FRUSTRATED WAS HOW HE WANTED TO STAY IN HER BED AFTER SEX AND SHE WANTED TO CUDDLE BUT THEY DIDNT SAY ANYTHING AND ASSUMED THE OTHER DIDNT WANT IT

The topic of mates was RUSHED. Like I mean really rushed. First they argue, he says shackled and then the next time they get to speak (after the forced Blood Rite and labor scene) they accept it? I dont know, it didn’t sit with me.

I wish Nesta would elaborate on why she didn’t believe in Mates even more and Cassian would actually listen for once. Again, rushed.

The ending was fast paced in my opinion. We could’ve really had more to go off of, I needed more domestic Nessian.

ON THE TOPIC OF NESTA, GWYN, EMERIE

I am obsessed with Gwyn, Emerie and their friendship with Nesta.

I love how Gwyn and Nesta started, both gritting their teeth and still appreciating that aspect of each other.

How Nesta raced to help her with a book even when their first encounter wasn’t the friendliest.

Gwyn being persistent in paying back her small debt. I love her.

When Gwyn applied to defense lessons after Nesta defended them from the scholar priestess.

Emerie, my homegirl. I love her to death. The way she easily befriends Nesta, how Nesta stands up for her when her cousin comes to bother her.

I don’t know if it was just me, but Emerie and Mor might possibly be something. Either good friends or interested lovers.

THE WAY EMERIE BONDED OVER SMUTTY NOVELS WITH THE OTHER GIRLS AND LET THEM BORROW HER STUFFFFFF

Gwyn helping Nesta with her research on Valkyries. Muah.

Gwyn and Az, I feel like something might happen here and if it does, I do not want any Elriel drama getting dragged in, MY GIRL GWYN HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH OKAY

Gwyn thinking she doesn’t deserve the purity jewel the other priestesses wear and her backstory honestly just broke me. She endured so much.

Emerie and everything she lost. Her mother, her brother, her wings and any dreams she had of flying. How she distracts herself with work and gardening to keep that off her mind.

The way the girls all developed inside jokes, jokingly hanged up on Cassian at training and always had Nesta’s back.

The way they were dedicated to each other even during the Rite when they couldve let one another behind and won.

HER SISTERSSS I CRIED I WOULD DIE FOR THIS MF TRIOOOO

ON THE TOPIC OF THE INNER CIRCLE + THE ARCHERON PARENTS

Fey-ruh was pregoooo she and Rhys raw dogged it

I felt really really bad when no one fucking told her she would die because the baby had wings and she wasn’t fit to give birth like that. Like. What.

Can we talk about how they fucked when Feyre was in her Illyrian form and didn’t think the thing through?

Rhys, I can’t stand the guy. First he wants to make a bargain with his mate that they die together and then he wants to keep it from her that she can die when giving birth to their kid.

I think what pissed me off the most was when he was trying to help Cassian get Nesta out of a nightmare/power “episode” and had to experience what she did with the Cauldron and seeing Elain and Cassian hurt. He said he knew she was feeling something but seeing and feeling it yourself was different. Yeah, what else did you think smartass.

Rhys has a habit of keeping important shit secret, Amren is no better either. I think that’s what pissed me off the most. They sometimes kept the too important shit away.

As much as Nesta grew, so did Feyre. They both developed pretty good in my mind, I don’t hate her as much as I despise Rhys sometimes. All and all I love how she and Nesta ended up.

Amren....I get her point about Nesta using and abusing their friendship. At the same time, sometimes she was too harsh.

Elain, darling old cottage core aesthetic Elain. I found her to be a little insufferable sometimes. How she showed up unexpectedly at the Library to talk to Nesta and they got into an argument was funny to me since Nesta pulled out some stuff on her.

ELAIN THANKING NESTA AND SAYING FINALLY AFTER SHE TELLS HER TO “OH FUCK OFF” AT THE SOLSTICE PARTY WAS SO RANDOM

Elain and Lucien is some fucked up shit. I understand how she doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact that they’re mates and all that but you can atleast thank the guy when he gives you a gift on Solstice.

I feel bad for Lucien because as sweet as Elain might show to be, she’s really hurting him and could just reject him if she really doesn’t want him.

AZ AZ AZ I LOVE HIM AND HIS SLY MOMENTS

Az when he cockblocks is the best thing. Do it more often.

Az and Nesta’s bond is something I want to see more, as well as how she literally thought about a threesome with him and Cassian.

Morriiiiigan. Everyone mentions her beauty and how she’s like the sun walking and I admire that. She wasn’t as annoying as I thought she’d be on the topic of Nesta and Cassian being an item.

She also wasn’t in the book as much which made sense since she was in Vallahan. I did like how she accepted Nessian towards the end.

The long awaited Mrs Archeron. Some of my theories about her proved true! About how she groomed her daughters into marriage ideologies at the worst age. 12 and 11? What the fuck?

The way she called Elain a pretty thing with no ambition at 11, no wonder Nesta and Elain have no proper knowledge of survival like Feyre did. She was set on making sure Nesta married someone who would treat her well, Elain married someone rich since her beauty was beyond all three of them.

Literally Mrs Archeron was not okay LMAOOO why are you telling your daughters this when they haven’t even bled yet damn CHILL

I felt bad since she didn’t care for Feyre and only their father doted on Elain and Feyre. Nesta was kept all to her mother to feed off Mrs Archeron’s narcissism.

Not to mention she died a year later

I found it funny Elain mentioned how at 15, Nesta even had their dad fearing her. Like it’s your daughter, wdym you fear her

The backstory on how Nesta treated him and how she feels now looking back. It was saddening and I unfortunately know the regret of not doing somethings. It must eat her alive.

I enjoyed reading this book, even if I wasn’t content with the ending. I tabbed a LOT of things so you’ll probably catch me editing and adding more to this in the morning. Thank you for reading all the way down here! 🤍

[steepgan]

someone dear (i) — d. ragnvindr x f!reader

PART I - PART II - PART III

bye i created this on a whim ive always wanted to write an mc who just likes money yet still carries the “happiness/freedom” ideals of mondstadt.. essentially its an mc whos like hell yeah i love money <3 and fun..!!! okay also i did not edit this at all i was just like <3 writing time baby..

Of course, working for the wealthiest gentleman in Mondstadt was no easy task. There were two places you could work: Dawn Winery or Angel’s Share. The winery, settled in the countryside, was a cozy job with friendly workers who saw rolling hills of green every day; however, the only available occupation within your skillset was being a maid. So you worked at Angel’s Share which was planted in the city, and there you were greeted with weary workers and angry people. It was plenty more fun, anyway.

Your boss was as impassive as a tree, giving you your pay and leaving you be. He kept a strange emotional distance. Which was fine. Totally fine. But whenever you wanted a raise, his aloof attitude warded you off and you’d tell yourself you’d try next time.

Growing up in a household where money was a prominent figure in your life, you had materialistic values and a great love for money. So during your employment at the tavern, you picked up more shifts than anyone else and seldom splurged. You were stuck giving your laments to your friends and returning customers who were kind enough to humor wails.

“One of these days, Lisa, I’m actually going to lose it,” you said to the librarian of the knights. You slumped your body on the bar, clearly in a professional fashion. “What do you want to drink?”

Lisa gave you a pitying look. “You could always become a knight or an adventurer. They receive plenty of pay through commissions.”

“No, thank you! I kind of want to live.”

“I don’t think I’ll have anything to drink,” Lisa said. She laughed at your sullen expression. “Today, at least. I have to explore these ruins later today. I really, really don’t want to, but Jean is making me.”

You slid a tin can labelled TIPS to Lisa. “Every time you don’t want to do something it’s five mora.”

“Since when did this become a thing?”

“It’s always been a thing. I was just giving you a family-friend discount up until now.”

Lisa dropped the coins into the can. You smiled at the sound of click-clank. Lisa rested her cheek on the palm of her hand and said, “have you ever thought about… not working for the tavern? I’m sure there are other places in the world that’ll appreciate your pleasant company.”

“Yeah, but Master Diluc pays the best in Mondstadt if you don’t have a decent education under your belt,” you said dryly. “I’d have to travel out of Mondstadt to find a better opportunity.”

“There’s always the cathedral,” Lisa offered. 

“Do you see me as a devout follower to any god other than money? [Name], Humble Follower of Barbatos Since The Beginning! Engrave that on my tombstone, would you?”

“I don’t really want to do that.”

You pushed the tin can toward the librarian.

Lo and behold, the man of the hour strutted in with his typical apathy. If he carried himself with a more open chest and with his chin up, you’d find him more agreeable, more approachable. He’d be knightly, even. But Diluc hated knights. He hated small talk, too. He hated a lot of things.

He was a man of good looks and good fortune, in addition to being Mondstradt’s most eligible brooding bachelor bastard, donning a nice black coat with golden trimmings and tassels. A coat that’d fetch a nice price if you were to pawn it off. Not that you were thinking about selling your boss’ clothes. He stood at a decent height with his vermillion messy hair tied back and narrow eyes framed with thick lashes. 

When Diluc walked through the doors, he didn’t spare you a glance before climbing up the stairs to deal with some other matters. As long as you did your job, he didn’t bother you.

Lisa whistled. “He’s so cold.”

“Pays well, though,” you murmured absentmindedly. Lisa looked as if she wanted to say something. Maybe it was something about how money didn’t exactly suffice for human relationships. Or something about her future job for the knights. Whatever was on the tip of her tongue, she chose not to say it, and dropped a few more mora coins into your little tin can.

Your relationship with Diluc was strange. You took enough shifts to be one of the most well-compensated workers under him, but you didn’t exactly know Diluc outside of his cool exterior. You didn’t know if you’d wanted to, either. Some nights, he’d come home right before the tavern’s opening, his clothes tattered and dirty and a grim feature coating his pretty features.

Typically you’d be working and cleaning, and you’d nod to him. Diluc would then take off to the second floor of the tavern. You never questioned it. You never would, either, unless you were paid to do so. 

One late night, it was just you cleaning up for the night and Diluc sitting at the bar, going through some papers. Diluc offered to take Charles’ shift for the day, to which the man was grateful for. As you were wiping down the bar, Diluc said, “I never knew we had a tip jar.”

“It’s an ongoing gag with Lisa,” you said. “Please don’t mind it.” It wasn’t a lie, exactly. It was a joke with Lisa! You simply kept it out on the counter for every customer to see all day and all night. If they happen to drop mora in there for your charming smile and excellent service, who were you to stop them?

Diluc said nothing. You hadn’t expected him to. He’d let it slide, you supposed. If the tavern had a best employee of the month award, you would have won it consecutively for the last few years you’d been employed under the pretty man. However, Diluc was no great lover of trivial awards that were actually poorly concealed incentives, and as long as you were paid accordingly, you didn’t care about awards, either.

“If you needed a raise then say it,” he said suddenly. And you were surprised.

“Thank you,” you said.

“No need.”

When you left the tavern you squealed. Patton, the caller, awoke from his nap from a chair supposedly for customers. His legs had been propped on the accompanying table, which you had cleaned earlier so you didn’t have to deal with a certain customer who had too much to drink inside.

Patton rubbed his eyes groggily. “What’s up, [Name]?”

“I got a raise!” you exclaimed. “I’m so happy I could kiss you right now, Patton.”

“Please don’t,” he said. “What’s that in your hand?”

“Oh, leftovers.” You gave the small bag you were holding a good jostle. “It’s for the dog up there. I have a habit of feeding him every once in a while whenever there’s good scraps.”

Patton eyed you. “If you get bit and infected with rabies, maybe I’ll take your raise. Try and pet it for me, would you?”

“In your dreams, Patton.”

After a few taunts and banter, you left Patton alone. In a few hours, you’d come back to the tavern to work more. Before your mom had been hospitalized, you’d maybe put your extra money to treat yourself to Good Hunter or to buy new clothes. 

Of course, while money was one of your many goals, you had other aspirations as well. More than anything, you’d like to resume a humble life in Mondstadt. If you could afford it, then you’d travel to Liyue and sightsee. And then maybe a little further. But you’d always return to Mondstadt. It was just home to you, and you liked home.

You crouched and fed the dog. He pressed his snout into your palm, warm and comforting. You giggled and finished the leftovers from your little sack. As much as Patton wanted you to die of infection, the dog was very tame and kind toward you. He let you brush his fur and scratch behind his ears. If you had enough patience and enough time, you’d teach him to bite Patton.

The next day, you were working with Charles, as per usual. He’d been working here far longer than any of you. You’d been employed here for a while now, and you’d come to know the man quite well after rowdy nights and quiet days in the tavern. He despised a drunk customer as much as you, but whenever you were on shift with him, he always offered to take care of it.

If not you, then Charles would get the nonexistent employee of the year award.

“Just put up a work wanted poster,” Charles said, cleaning a glass. “Judging by our usuals, we won’t get an honest inquiry for it in a while.”

You, who’d been making an apple cider, said, “oh, for the boars?” While you did want to work at the winery for its pleasant view and people, there were boars who’d been uprooting vines and you did not want to tussle with a boar. 

“Say, [Name], you heard of the Darknight Hero?”

“Who hasn’t?” you asked. “My friends talk about him all the time. Everyone likes a good mystery around these parts. Have you seen the library? Oh, and the idea of him being handsome isn’t that bad… Do you think he’s rich, Charles?”

Charles snorted. “If he can afford to leave at night to protect Mondstadt, then he must be rich. He’s no worker like us, but he’s definitely noteworthy. He may as well just be an urban rumor, though, so don’t go around trying to seduce him only to get into his pockets.”

“I would never!”

“I saw you make eyes at a customer who was wearing very fine jewelry that could be pawned off for a high price.”

“I liked her eyes. They were kind. Reminded me of a princess from a fairytale.”

Diluc came from upstairs to the first floor. He was the same as he’d always been—closed off, calm, and collected. Fitting. He cast a quick glance at you and Charles before disappearing outside onto the streets of Mondstadt.

“That’s Master Diluc for you,” Charles said. “So elusive you could call him a ghost. A handsome, ghost, that is.”

“I barely know anything about him,” you said. “Elusive is correct, if not absolutely distant.”

“Really? You should talk to him more often.”

There was already a set difference between you and Charles. Firstly, it would be the years working at Angel’s Share. Charles knew Diluc more than you did. You wanted to point this out, but instead you slumped your shoulders. “He’s just so unapproachable, Charles. You wouldn’t understand. That mustache of yours makes you look amicable and agreeable.”

Charles self-consciously twirled the end of his mustache. He looked as if he wanted to say something. He turned back to his work, setting the clean glass down. “You and Master Diluc seem to complement each other, that’s all.”

You were very friendly and a good person underneath all your materialistic values. Had it not been for Diluc’s offstandish personality, maybe you and Diluc would be a little more than boss and employee. Maybe you and Diluc would be friends.

Of course, your main focus was your happiness and sanity. If you’d interacted with Diluc outside of work, you might’ve gone insane. Oh! And money. It was always money. You watched a customer drop a few mora into the tip jar.

PART I - PART II - PART III

[littlemessyjessi]

How They’d Be As Mukbangers:  Harry Potter Characters

How They'd Be As YouTube Mukbangers

James: Every video has a theme.   Like, I'm not even playing.   Holidays?  All kinda of holiday themed food.  Quidditch World Cup coming up?   Things inspired by the country of his favorite team.   Just a random day?  Everything is blue.   He's that type of way.

Sirius:  If a mukbanger was a thirst trap.  I could easily see him really getting into.  Dark background, black gloves, aesthetic as fuck and like, he doesn't even talk.  He just sits there, looks hot and somehow makes eating looking incredibly sexy.  And he fucking knows it.   Bitch also one hundred percent rolls his eyes back when it hits his taste buds.  Licks his lips and his fingers.  Takes way too big of bites.   Most people would say it's cringy how sexual his videos are...but everyone is secret subscribed anyway.  With notifications on.

Remus:  This goes one of two ways.  If he's in a good mood and things are chill, he'll find a recipe, make it to the mother fucking 't' and then have a little mukbang slash review on said recipe.  Nice lil chat.  Sweet tol bean.   Precious. If it's near the full moon there ain't none of that.  Ya boy, brings in his monstrous plate of food, sits it down and just tears into like a fucking beast, no talking.  Just nom nom nom.  Unintentionally thirst traps and people opening talk about when Remus goes beast mode.  

Peter:  Candy and sweets channel! Small mukbangs with reviews from different candies from Honeydukes!

Lily:  Lol, Lilypad.  She ain't playing around.  Her videos are planned out, edited and just generally finessed to perfection.  Even had music added to it with tiny vlog segments as it's set up.  It's a little pretentious but she does have a good following.

Marlene:   This bitch.  Fucking competitive eating queen.  Tiny ass lil ho can eat you under the table, bro.   Think RainaIsCrazy on YouTube.  She can fucking smash.  Usually does eating challenges from different resteraunts and competitions.  Often, challenges Remus on his wild days.   He's a beast but she still wipes the floor with him.  

Dorcas:  The collab.  Dorcas always has good food and good company.  She's all about sharing a meal with someone and talking about random things.

Alice and Frank:  The couple channel.  It's generally filled with so much fucking cute and the food is always tasty.  It's sickening they feed each other but you also can't help but awww.

Molly Prewett/Weasley:   Family recipes.   Molly's channel are tried and true recipes from the Prewett family.  Cook with me and tons of kitchen life hacks.  Also, that woman can turn a ham sandwhich into a full course meal. Bet.   Always taste tested by Daddy Weasley.  Yes, I said Daddy Weasley.  

Lucius Malfoy:  The most pretentious fucking channel to ever exist.  It's a whole fucking production that admittedly he does put a lot of work into.   Somewhat thirst trappy like Sirius' but instead of just having a plain black background he goes out of his way to shove as much of his manor into.   Only eats the most expensive food fucking on the planet and of course, it's prepared by House elves cause he's a twit.  (Yes, I know this is Thranduil but honestly wouldn’t put it past Lucius to be this fucking pretentious.) 

Severus Snape:  Actually pretty solid content.  His exquisite skills in potions actually made him a rather good chef.   Tasteful shots, edited well with music over everything and subtitles.   Simply audio for the eat portion at the end.  Nothing too fancy for the background.  Often just a very clean kitchen. Solid content though.

The Black Sisters: Mass chaos.  Part vlog, part drama channel, half the time the food never even gets finished because of fights.  

Bill Weasley:  The Traveler.   A lot of egyptian food.  Some made by hand.  Some vlogs from street food while he's out just generally doing his job.   Short videos but solid.  He's hot and he picks good food.  It works for him.

Charlie Weasley:  This extra ass bitch.  He's the bitch that does all that outdoor cooking.  You know what I mean.   Shots in the woods, roaring fire.  Lit by a precious dragon child no doubt.  Dragons lounging in the background like those bitches who always have their dogs there.  Yes, I'm jealous.  Close up shots of him cutting things on a custom wood cutting board. Everything he makes causes your mouth to water.  God damn, scarred, freckle faced bastard just gobbles it up and ends every fucking video with a wink.   Charlie Weasley is the ultimate thirst trap and he fucking knows it.

Percy:  Percy's channel could be epic but instead is boring as fuck.  Why?  Because he insist on having the most snooze worthy meals that are 'sensible' and THEN he proceeds to talk about politics.   He actually had a pretty decent following of other like minded individuals but my god- politics and porridge, Percy?  Really?

However, once he chills the fuck out, leaves the ministry to do something else - it’s a game changer.  Brings the family on for mukbangs.  Does videos with mummy weasley.  Percy grows his hair out and Bill teases him for being a copy cat.  Much better.  Still talks politics but it’s fucking hiliarous and now the food is poppin. 

Fred and George:  Alright, this shit right here.   Every fucking bit of it is a self promo for the shop.  Meals inspired by and that would go well paired with 'this product'.  Like, that's the whole thing.  And then they run an add for their shop at the end featuring the product.  It works for them because they're smart, they're hot and they're also wildly entertaining with their constantly sibling squabbling. But yeah.  Big promo for the shop.

Ron Weasley: Honestly, out of everyone.   Ron probably has the most followers and it's because he doesn't say shit while he's eating. He sits down with a massive fucking turkey.  Nods at the camera and just tears it up.   It's literally so satisfying.  All the food is prepared by his mother.  So it's obviously fantastic. ( I just had to use this gif.) 

Ginny:   Gin's channel is usually team building videos with the Harpies.  'Cheat Day: Vlog and Mukbang w/the Harpies' type of vibes.  It's cool though and since it's a famous quidditch team the fans enjoy the behind the scenes action and actually drop all kinds of recipes for them to try in the future.

Hermione:  Hermione could easily veer off into Percy's channel of misery when she gets started on her rants but mostly they're really chill videos.  Mukbang and Book Review type of vibe.  Or sometimes even the playing of an audio book while she does her thing.  All in all, wholesome.

Harry:  Lol, I swear.  Fucking awkward bean.   Harry's videos are literally of him making the simplest of things and being so fucking awkward. "Er, well, hi guys.  So I'm about to head out for work.  Running a bit late.  But we're having a bit of toast and jam."  Like it's literally just little videos of him eating whatever throughout the day.  But of course, since he's Harry Fucking Potter- his follower count is astronomical.  

Neville:  Now, this boy.  This boy is a goblincore gobbo's wet dream.  Gardening videos with homegrown veg.  Recipes from Grandmother.   Have a nice Veggie Pot Pie with Professor Longbottom in the Hogwarts Greenhouse.  There is a fanbase and it is huge.  

Luna: Honestly, the weirdest fucking channel in the world.  Like she finds the weirdest things to eat and goes from there.  But Luna is bae so it's cool.  Also, a thousand percent does Smoke Sesh + Mukbang videos.  You know it's true.

Dean and Seamus:  Literally, eating in the most crowded pubs as they visit football games around the country.  Seamus will definitely pull the Irish card from time to time to have a drinking competition.  He wins everytime.  He may be a little dude but shit- homie can hold his own.

Cedric:  Honestly, it's so fucking pure.   Straight up did videos during his time at Hogwarts in the Hogwarts kitchen.  Such kind little conversations with the house elves.  "Hey, guys.  Thanks for coming back to another video.  Today we're making some really tasty biscuits.  Whispy, one of the talented bakers here in the kitchens, is here to help us today so please say hello to her in the comments."  He'll also always make extra and leave them in the Hufflepuff common room for everyone to enjoy.  Like, it's honestly so pure and he's such a soft boi and oh my fucking geeeeeeerrrrrrdddd!!!!!

Draco: Actually takes it really seriously and put a lot of hard work into it.   Nothing like his father's ego-tistical recipes.   Surprisingly, every. single. recipe. is a muggle recipe.  How would he know?  Because he cross referenced with Granger of course.  Cooks it himself.   No magic.  Lots of random talks.  Just like a monologue of things and it gets kinda deep sometimes.   Like, it's the channel to go to when you need advice that you didn't even know that you needed.   Still eats incredibly proper.   It's that pureblood raising of his.  Old habits die hard.

Tonks:  Pure chaos.  "Hey, today we're having Mum's homemade lasagna and I'm also getting a new tattoo.  Might dye my hair.  Don't really need to since I can do this  but whatever. So yeah, there's that.  Like it's just all over the place and you'd think it would take but the chaos is too good not to watch.  Literally gives herself beaks and snouts while she eats.  It's iconic.

Dumbledore: Mother fucker just sits at his desk, stares straight into the camera and eats a lemon drop.  Like a weirdo.  The video usually no more than a minute and each video is just some variation of that.  Meme lord.

Hagrid:  Tea With Hagrid.  Also, so the recipes suck, they too, but Hagrid is a peach and it's relaxing to see his gentle half giant there in his hut, pumpkin patch out the window and Fang laying by the fire.  It's a mood and he's just like the comforting Dad figure. 

McGonagall:  Honestly the best one in the entire world.  She makes a full course traditional Scottish breakfast... and then transforms into her animagus the cat...and promptly knocks it off the table.   A fucking legend.

------------------------------

Please attack the ask box!

Love, Kenny

@frankie2902

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Love, Kenny

[capri-ramblings]

Was scrolling through my feed when I saw someone requested the png of Vil's crown and I just wanted to see if I could edit it onto maki for entertainment purposes and then this happened right

And yeah I know it doesn't look that good since I'm not an editor nor can I redraw parts of the Crown that would actually make it seem whole but I think it's still super cute and then my mind immediately had this small scene between Maki and Vil,so I wrote it, and now I'm thinking maybe these two could be a cute thing lmao but anyways enjoy this small fic ✨

The art used for Maki isn't mine, I used this Picrew so go and give the artist some support and love!

[ A small banter ]

"And the last piece to go on is this"

Vil placed the crown piece on Maki's head almost too effortlessly,the redolent of his cologne wafting through her senses as he came close.

She scrunched up her nose a little, but when Vil pulled away to look at his finished product, Maki tried to at least smile a bit.

"Hm,you look almost decent,don't you?" Vil said, haughtily. His brows arched and lips curled into a slight smirk as he eyed her figure with satisfaction.

The mirror on his vanity desk right behind, showed that the final headpiece was a look-alike of the crown he often wore and as the golden colour of it contrasted greatly with the dark shade of her hair,Maki actually seemed stunned.

She always looked different whenever Vil placed his touch on her,and though she'd find a way to wriggle herself out of it, Maki had to admit that Vil never failed at dressing her up and making her look like an actual bonafide lady.

"...What's with the crown?" She asked,lips pursed into a faint frown and cheeks lightly dusted pink. "And where did you put my bandage?"

"You don't need that hideous bandage" Vil shot back, "That crown is an improvement. Don't ever wear that bandage again."

"What? But I had it since I was in middle school!"

Maki placed her hand on her naked nose,eyes wide and filled with shock. Vil on the other hand had his expression twist into that of disgust and practically gripped Maki's shoulders like a vulture.

"You haven't changed that thing since middle school? What kind of rodent lifestyle have you been living wi—"

"Pfftthahahhahaahhaha! Calm down,Vil-senpai!"

Maki tittered slightly to the side of her seat, almost falling as she tried controlling her laugh, but her amusement tickled her senses and she was gripping onto Vil all the while her laugh echoed in his room.

"Why are you laughing?" Vil sounded annoyed, his delicate features scrutinized with a bitter snarl. Maki felt half bad for laughing at him,but she couldn't help herself.

"Sorry, sorry...It's just,well,I didn't think you'd be so gullible"

"What do you mean gullible?" He was crossing his arms now and Maki knew she had to tell him or else she wouldn't leave this room alive (or at least she would be able to leave the room but he'd force her to wear the dress he bought)

Playfully,she tapped the bridge of her nose.

"I change the bandage daily,though when I first got here, I thought about dropping the whole habit of wearing them since I wasn't sure if I could get a new set, but then Sam said he sold something similar like my old ones so I decided to keep wearing them" , the sides of her lips twitched at the relieved expression Vil had on now, but she decided against grinning then.

"So don't worry,Senpai. I keep myself clean"

Vil scoffed at that.

"I see being with those two Heartslyabul boys has given you a cheeky attitude"

"They're named Ace and Deuce,Senpai, and they're actually pretty fun to be with. Maybe you should join us sometimes,I promise having fun won't give you wrinkles"

Narrowing his eyes,Vil frowned.

"No,thank you."

"Hm,your loss then."

[cinnbar-bun]

RFA + V+ Saeran Acting As a Guardian to Teenage! MC

A/n: Have some headcanons to soothe the pain I just caused

Under the cut since it’s a long one! MC is about 16 in this one!

Also: might include some spoilers!!!

Yoosung

Finally, he wasn’t the youngest anymore! 

He was so excited to meet you and honestly he was all sunshine and rainbows as he talked about how you were like a little sibling to him

So gushing and doting, he’s more of an older sibling than a parental figure, but he still does it so well

Always brags to his guildmates he has the best sibling ever, and he will fight (and lose horribly) to anyone who tries to say otherwise

Very concerned over you since you’re so young and caught up in the RFA’s mishaps. 

So proud of anything you do, even getting out of bed makes him cheer for you

Always cooks for you, anything you want, he’ll make for you. 

He won’t admit it until he’s at his worst- when the depression and the grief from losing Rika really gets to him- but he looks up to you. He kinda gets jealous of how young and talented you are (even if you don’t think so), and wishes to become better so you have someone actually worthwhile to look up to (in his mind). 

He doesn’t seem to think that you like him, he still assumes he’s a bit of a nuisance and someone else could be better. You however, love him a lot and value his presence in your life. You don’t think you would’ve been as motivated without his help!

Sometimes he can get a bit irresponsible and you need to drag his butt to bed so he doesn’t game so much. 

Taking care of you has been a roller coaster for both of you, but he still feels a lot better since you’re here. He has cut down on his bad habits and has slowly grown from his past issues. 

If you talk about how you’re going on a date, he’ll cry. 

“Waaaaaahhhhhh!!! How are you going on dates before I am????” 

He’s supportive though, and makes sure your date actually cares for you. Probably the only one on this list you don’t have to worry about when saying you’re seeing someone

Zen

Okay so the first moment you met him on the messenger, you flipped out. 

“ZEN??? AS IN THE ZEN???? JDSFJNAJGNLSJN OH MY GOD CAN YOU STEP ON ME?????”

Jaehee also feels you but outwardly tells you to relax

He goes full on dad mode. He immediately checks himself and everyone else, anything above a ‘g’ rating and he’s flipping out. No more flirting, no more swearing, no more smoking, he’s gotta be a father figure somehow.

Once he cools down, he finds that his paternal instincts come naturally. He is very easy to talk to and is easily your biggest supporter. He wants you to feel confident in yourself and see that he’s got your back no matter what happens, something he didn’t have growing up. 

If you say you wanna act or join theater (especially if it’s because of him) he’ll just cry. He’ll sob about how his ‘child’ is the most precious thing in the world. 

He’s a straight up PTA dad afterwards, always going to your school when he can and checking up on you. 

All the mothers and teachers try to hit on him but he ignores them because his shining little star is there

He goes to all of your shows, all of your concerts, ANYTHING that involves potentially watching you do something, he is there in a second. 

After anything, whether you give a speech or a finished a performance, he’s there with a large bouquet of flowers. He’s so proud of you and he feels so enthusiastic about you. 

His narcissism drops about 200% because now he’s focused on you. His phone is full of pictures of you and your accomplishments, and after anything he makes sure to say it in the RFA messenger. 

He’s really easy to have a heart to heart with because you’re his precious little angel and he’s just as (if not more) emotional as you. 

HOWEVER!!! DO NOT!! I REPEAT!!! DO NOT MENTION DATING!!! THIS MAN WILL GO WALK UP TO WHOEVER YOU LIKE/DATING AND WILL GO INTO A FISTFIGHT WITH THEM. 

He screams when you mention guys- ‘MEN ARE WOLVES!! THEY ARE HORRIBLE!! THEY ARE DISGUSTING DO NOT EVER DATE!! YOU ARENT ALLOWED TO DATE UNTIL IM DEAD AND YOURE 80!!’

Jumin

So, let’s cut to the chase, you REEALLy liked the fact Jumin was rich. 

“Wow, so I DON’T have to starve everyday???” 

Jumin is...not the most emotional at first. He is just getting used to having to take care of you so it will be a while before he opens up. 

Jumin is great for when you want to rant or need to blow off steam. He doesn’t say anything and just listens to you. However, it’s horrible when you want emotional/physical comfort. 

He tries, he really does, but since he grew up so detached with his emotions he immediately thinks you’re dramatic. It isn’t until Jaehee (and perhaps Zen too) step in and say how he can’t keep brushing off your feelings 

So, he decides to try even harder and understand the enigma that is a teenage mind. 

It’s difficult as shit

After a while, he begins to learn all your cues and patterns, and understands what you want when you need it. He can read you like an open book now and knows when he should give you space or step in and comfort you. 

He’s actually really good at it 

He is always pampering you to the extreme. You watch tv and muse, “cool... there’s a new video game out.” and forget moments later, he immediately walks in with over a hundred games and pre-ordered, deluxe gold editions of them. 

He is the prime example of a father figure at this point, and all your friends get jealous.

He only gives you the best and will settle for nothing less. You are practically his own child at this point and like HELL is he gonna give you anything he discerns as not worthy. 

He likes taking you out for nice strolls after you beg ask for you two to hang out. You always get excited at seeing a simple cafe or mannequin with a cute outfit, and he wonders at how nice it must be to be so innocent

Plenty of outlets had contacted him about you, but he makes sure your privacy is secure. He doesn’t want anyone taking advantage of you or getting too personal

But they do manage to capture snippets of you two walking, and some misunderstandings have occurred due to it

“Jumin Han is dating a minor!” 

“Jumin Han has child after affair with mistress!” 

He gets fed up with the rumors and explains right away that you are NOT his lover, and you are NOT his actual child. He lies and says you were the child of a good friend of his, because explaining what actually happened would be weird

He is one of the worst when you say you’re dating someone. He will hound his security guards to watch EVERYTHING you to do, and he WILL have 707 do a background check on whoever you are going out with. 

“What are they doing?” “Uhhh...they’re eating.” “What about now?” “Still eating sir.” “Are his hands visible?” “Yes sir, he’s using them to eat a burger.” “B-burger? Where are they at?!” “McDonald’s sir...” “What kind of lousy date is this, why did (Y/n) accept this, does he think he’s good enough for my child with his peasant lifestyle???” “Sir...they’re 16????” 

All in all, he’s trying to be a good father figure and guardian that he never really had growing up. But he’s so prideful at seeing how much you mature, and even though he’s blunt sometimes, he hopes you understand he loves you a lot. 

He also tries dad jokes, but they’re so weird because obviously he rehearsed it and he says it so stoically that it makes it even funnies. 

Jaehee

Jaehee is a sweet woman, and she is like your best friend and mother rolled into one. 

She is so caring and considerate of your feelings, and is your number one supporter. 

She may seem kinda stand-offish, and kind of annoyed because she’s already incredibly busy now she has to take care of someone else and-

Whoops now she’s in the PTA and runs it like a damn boss. She is all over your studies and fights the faculty if she feels the school is not running in tip top shape. 

She gets exhausted a lot, as Jumin isn’t exactly the easiest boss to work for. 

It was kind of hard at first, sometimes she wouldn’t come home until way after midnight, and she’d see your body passed out on the couch with a note on the table about how you tried to make her dinner. 

Even though it wasn’t the best, knowing you tried so hard to stay up for her as well as cooking for her made the food taste even better than anything a five star restaurant could have made. 

So she tries to make it up to you in any way she can. She’ll pick you up your favorite movie or snack on her way home, or even little cute gifts that reminded her of you. 

She writes down any information she knows about you, and makes sure to write about your friends and teachers so she can keep up with you. 

She gushes about Zen a lot, and you were a fan too, so you both would binge watch his movies and clips of him. ANY piece of media involving Zen was devoured by you two. 

You two were constantly picking each other up and giving gifts, and when it was Jaehee’s birthday, you wrote her a letter about how much she meant to you and even got Zen to sign a poster for her! 

It was also the first time you called her ‘mom’, and even though the Zen poster is proudly hung up in her office, she can’t help but smile at how you called her that. 

She is a huge advocate of following your dreams. She does complain about how awful it is to work for Jumin sometimes, so she hopes to god you do something you love. 

You also convinced her to start her own cafe! You helped her as much as you could, and she was just...so ecstatic. 

Jaehee is easy to talk to, she is always prepared with good advice and comforting words. 

Probably the second easiest to talk to about dating. She is hesitant at first because one, you’re young and stupid, and two, she just doesn’t trust people. 

707/ Saeyoung

Okay, everyone in the RFA was hesitant to allow him to take care of you. They trusted him when it came to his work, but this was an actual human being. He could hardly take care of himself, how would he even take care of you???

Surprisingly, he’s an awesome guardian

A lot of them didn’t believe it at first and they were like ‘blink twice if he isn’t feeding you’ but you shrug and insist he’s great

He’s very nurturing and protective of you, and he sort of sees this as a second chance to make up for when he couldn’t help his brother. 

He’s really good in the fact that he’ll allow you your space to grow, but he will step in if you’re out of line or in trouble

Will NOT hesitate to ruin someone’s life if they dare hurt you. He’s got connections and the prowess and like hell is someone gonna make his child cry. 

Saeyoung is still as corny and crazy as he is in the chatroom, but in these instances with you, he means it a lot. He does anything he can to make you smile, even if it means he’d get hurt. 

He is a lot calmer though with you, and his parental instincts kick in a lot more. The RFA was shocked to see him actually change some of his poor quality of life skills as a means to be a better guardian to you. 

When he needs to go on a mission, he entrusts Jumin or Vanderwood to take care of you. 

He never tells you about those dangerous missions, he only says he’s going to be at a conference out of the country. 

He always makes sure to get you a souvenir or gift when he comes back from those trips. 

Joy rides in his cars!! He loves to take you to the beach or sightseeing whenever he can. 

He stills eats poorly, but it really makes him melt when you offer him some dinner you cooked for him. He started screaming and Yoosung (who was on the other end of the phone call) felt his ears bleed. 

He gets so excited for your cooking, like he stops his work just to take a bite of your grub. 

He hacks to get movies that weren’t even released to the public yet so you both could watch it on your downtime. He’s a hardcore softie though and you still have yet to see him shut up or not sob all over you as you two watch. 

“You’re getting snot on me!!!” “I’M sorry it’s just....oh my god how could this even happen??????” 

You accidentally called him ‘dad’ one time and he lost it. He was jumping for joy and hugging you in a death grip, screaming, “IM A FATHER!!!!!” 

Oh and he will definitely not pass up the opportunity to make some Star Wars references. 

You can’t hide anything from him. He tries to not be snoopy but holy shit you did not know just how far he’d go when it came to keeping tabs on you. 

By the time he was done he knew the name of your first grade crush, an incident where you kicked your own self, and how old you were when you got your first cavity. 

Likewise, he will already know if you’re crushing/dating someone. He’ll pretend he doesn’t know, but secretly do a background check. 

OKay so this definitely happened on your first date out with your crush, you two went out for milkshakes when your phone started sounding like Saeyoung’s voice. 

“HEY YOUNG MAN BOTH HANDS ON THE TABLE NOW!!!” 

You both started SCREAMING and had to be told to shut up by the staff because what the hell, your phone was talking! 

You screamed at him later on to mind his damn business

And god help whoever you were dating if they hurt you. 

This man will go ballistic and start hacking their things like a crazy psycho

“DONT WORRY, GOD SEVEN WILL FIX THIS!!!!” 

But seriously, this man adores you to the bottom of his heart. He’s made many mistakes in the past, but you will sure as hell not be another one of them. Anything you ask of him, he’ll gladly do!

V

V is a great guardian for those who don’t like pressure or stress. He’s so soothing and relaxing.

Hardly will ever raise his voice at you, and he practically never gets angry at you

He can’t see that well, but he seems to have a sixth sense that just makes him know where you are and when you are in danger. 

He likes taking you out to more scenic ventures, maybe even get you into photography as well!!

He has so many pictures of you, you are like his favorite subject

He even made an exhibit just based on you, and after that, he got a lot of calls about who you were. He made sure they know that you are basically his child

He feels incredibly guilty you had to go through this whole mess. He really wishes nothing bad would happen and you just didn’t have to get involved, but you always encourage him and say you don’t mind, you met him because of it!

He melts and cries a bit later on

If you call him ‘dad’ he gets so happy, like he finally feels like he actually did something right for once

But occasionally he doubts himself and can get kinda stand-offish in fear of how he might hurt you later on

He doesn’t make the same mistakes this time, and he makes sure you can get the help you need. He’s not gonna allow you to hurt yourself or others, and he won’t enable negative behaviors. 

He doesn’t talk about Rika to you. That was one of the worst moments in his life, and he thinks you’ll hate him because of it. 

You don’t- and he wonders what he did to deserve you

V is not an idiot. He may be partially blind but oh honey, he WILL know if you are dating someone. Don’t ask how, he does. 

He’s chill about it, but makes sure you understand what you are getting into. He’ll sit you down and start questioning you or your date’s intentions

It’s a side effect from his past with Rika, he doesn’t want you hurt, nor does he want you to hurt someone else. 

He makes you have clear and concise boundaries

He’ll let you do as you please, just please, for everything holy in this world, let him know where you are and be back before 10. 

If you get into a bad breakup he’s there to comfort you but also calls 707 to use his special skillset

I feel like V would use a lot of dad jokes. Like he doesn’t even know where it comes from and he’ll just say one, and 707 flips out.

Overall, just a calm dude who really loves you a lot. You’re allowed to grow and be your own person, but within some boundaries. He’ll stop at nothing to keep your smile. 

Unknown/ Saeran

Okay so... he feels weird. You’re a child. A damn child. 

He gets very conflicted because he gets flashbacks of how he was taken at a young age

He starts off as incredibly scary, staring you down to make you fear for your life, but you notice right away he’s become...softer

If anything, now he feels guilty. You were nice to him, even though he did all these things to you...

Saeran becomes a guard dog to you, watching over you like a hawk. 

As thanks, sometimes you would make him sweets

He loves them a lot, they’re now his favorite things

Pretty soon, a friendship begins to form, and then a feeling of guardianship over you. 

He’s noticeably a lot nicer and softer to you, he’ll be cussing out his brother in one moment but then if you ask him for something, he’ll stop and bend down to your level and answer you. 

Saeyoung finds this incredibly hilarious and nice

Saeran feels a lot better having you around. He feels a lot safer and happier, and knowing that you are safe and happy makes him even more excited. 

He likes gardens, so he takes you to them a lot, and he even decided to start one with you

On special days, or days when you are feeling down, he’ll get you a special bouquet of flowers with different meanings to cheer you up!

Baking is also a special hobby between you two. Sweets in general are where you two bond, so occasionally you two go out and try different sweet shops, cafes, or parlors. 

You two always rank your fave desserts and places

Do not, I repeat, do NOT tell him about/mention/ or even THINK of dating. He’ll probably beat the crap out of whoever you’re dating because, ‘they are not worth it’

Very strict and will throw hands with anyone checking you out- he’s like an angry dog 

Oh dear, if your date makes you sad or upset they will be dead. Saeran will take no shit if they made you frown, and they better start praying for their safety. 

You and Saeyoung have to hold him back before he murders your date

He still has his anxious moments where his past may catch up and he’ll freak out, but you are one of the few that can easily coax him out of it. He’d never hurt you at all

If you refer to him as ‘dad’ I think he might feel his heart flutter but also feel nervous...what if he becomes like his dad? What if he hurts you or can’t protect you? 

He’ll definitely teach you self-defense but Saeyoung will step in when he tries to teach you how to use a pistol because ‘SAERAN THEY’RE 16, DO NOT DO THAT!!!!’ 

He has his days when he’s more lax about you, but also has days when he’s breathing down your neck

It’ll take him a long time to be considered a ‘good’ guardian, please be patient, and gently let him know how he should improve. 

He’s not good at dealing with your emotions. All he knows how to do is punch whatever made you feel sad, but he quickly learns he can’t do that, and takes advice from all the RFA to help you. 

You can fight me but he probably has bought some guidebooks or pamphlets to try and learn to take care of you, and he’s LOST. 

“So to comfort them, I hug them...then ask how they’re feeling? Okay, but then it says they might want space? So how do I know? IT DOESN’T EVEN SAY WHEN! WHAT THE HELL? WHAT A WASTE OF MY DAMN MONEY!” He chucks it across the room before promptly picking it up and trying to read it again

He sees a lot of shows and tries to do stereotypical ‘family’ things, but quickly realizes that neither of you are enjoying it and he breathes a sigh of relief because holy hell that made him so uncomfortable. 

You both are pretty blunt with what you feel so you’re both on the same page, and try to work it accordingly. 

Okay on occasion he’s got you outfits that are similar to his so you both can match and he loves it so much

The most awkward dad jokes. EVER. You’ll be like, ‘hey I’m hungry’, and he’ll remember that he read on a parenting website that dad jokes make your connection stronger or something, so he’ll murmur, ‘hi hungry, I’m dad’. You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry because he was in physical pain after saying that. 

You both got a lot to work on, but he tries. Really. And he’s so happy he met you, and he’ll make sure you grow up with a better childhood than he did. Nothing is too big or too small for him to do. 

[callioope]

Good Things in 2019

@theputterer and @the-strongest-stars tagged me in the awesome annual end-of-year Good Things meme! I’ve done this in 2018 & 2017 and always think it’s a fun exercise of both reflection and looking forward.

Oh boy, though, my first thought was, what even happened in 2019? (Looking at a calendar helped! It reminded me of a few things I forgot)

It’s been a Rough Year, friends. Between OCD and basically travelling almost every weekend in the latter half of 2019, I am very much ready for a new year and hopefully a new slate.

But this is about the positives!

Personal

Played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons! I am now officially in two campaigns. This year, I endeavored to recruit more women to play, including the wonderful @allatariel. I play both my beloved cleric, Maritsa (who I’ve been playing her years now) and my new character, Noara, a ranger elf with a red panda familiar (yeah, my DM let me do that for funsies, so I could get an animal sidekick but also still try out the Horizon Walker subclass). 

Speaking of red pandas, I accomplished my LIFE GOAL of meeting a red panda face-to-face. I got to feed Harriet at the Cincinnati Zoo for 30 minutes. She was adorable. 

Completed all my dental work and had a clean bill of dental health two cleanings in a row! 

Attended DC’s Around the World Embassy Day event, always fun

Attended Star Wars night at a local library, where I got to participate in a short demo/lesson on how to fence with a lightsaber!

Attended 50th Anniversary Celebration of Apollo 11 / landing on the moon (dude they projected the rocket on the Washington Monument and it looked so cool)

Returned to the NY Ren Faire and upgraded my ren faire garb

Celebrated at THREE friends’ weddings and got to catch up with old friends I hadn’t seen in awhile

Ate ice cream at the Ben & Jerry’s Factory in Vermont

Went to NYCC for the third year in a row. Got to wear 2 costumes this year: a 1920s flapper interpretation of an occamy and my Endor!Leia costume (repeat of 2017). Learned the True Pain of sewing. Created feather shawl for my occamy costume. Learned the True Pain of crafting.

Celebrated one year anniversary with hubbie down where we got married: visited the museum we got married in and actually got a chance to enjoy the exhibits, went to our favorite brunch place down there, got to check out Fleet Week and tour an aircraft carrier and uh... I think it was a missile cruiser? 

Went up to PSU for a women’s hockey game for sister’s birthday (made embarrassing HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign for the cameras); also it was an absolutely wonderful fall drive on the way up there

Got to see The Rise of Skywalker in IMAX at the Smithsonian Air & Space Center with the awesome @allatariel! (thank goodness we had each other to get through that movie lol) also got to reuse my Endor!Leia costume. I did my own braids for the first time ever! (usually my talented sister does them) They looked like braids done by a n00b, but I didn’t care because they were passable and I did them myself and that was a Big Thing for Perfectionist Me (to not just... say screw it and undo it and just. give up. but to just let them be as is)

Worked hard at therapy and self care

Got a Sleep Number bed and holy shit let me tell you. i can actually sleep now.

OH! I almost forgot!!! Started playing Assassin’s Creed! I’ve only ever really played the LEGO Star Wars and Harry Potter video games so like. This was big for me. 

Writing

Finally finished Learning Curve. TBH I was a bit shocked that this was in fact the only fic I published in 2019. What a travesty.

However! I have been writing

@allatariel & I sat down, overanalyzed You’ve Got Mail, and drafted up the outline for my in-universe AU, something I’ve been dreaming of starting for years. Have about 4300 words so far.

Just under the wire, I did manage to start my NatGeo AU, which I’ve been dreaming of since my honeymoon in Nov 2018

Started editing/revising my original young adult fantasy novel

Poked a little at my epic fantasy pirate travel novel idea

Books

I read exactly one book, Among the Red Stars, which I enjoyed. It’s about women fighter pilots in Russia in WW2. Inspired by real people.

Music

Saw Panic at the Disco! in concert. I went along with my sister. Not like a huge fan, but they put on a pretty fun show!

Saw Waitress on Broadway!! OH MY GOD. And Sara Bareilles was starring in it. Amazing. I freaking love her music (”How does she know / what a heart sounds like?” gahhh). She was so good, and the show was so good. I literally cried all the way through it just because I was so happy to be there, but also because of the content. Man.

Saw Sara Bareilles again, in concert, in Philly. I love her so much.

Television

Finished Critical Role Campaign 1! Oh man, what a ride. Gosh, I love that show. I really need to catch up in C2 now. I’ve started it but I’m only on episode 26 or 27.

I’m not sure whether I finished The Clone Wars in 2018 or 2019. I think it was early 2019. This show was amazing and this was the character development that Anakin Skywalker needed. I love Ahsoka Tano. I cannot wait for the last season.  

Finished Rebels!!! AGAIN, what a ride!!! I still love Ahsoka Tano. I also love Hera Syndulla and Sabine Wren. Sabine’s Darksaber arc was fantastic.

The Mandalorian OMG BABY YODA!!! Yes, I have succumbed to the adorableness of Baby Yoda. Most adorable SW character forever. But also just an enjoyable story in general. This, this is how you craft a story. still NOT over the darksaber omg. 

The Good Place is continuing to be good. Not as crazy about season 4, but I’m so glad they decided to limit the seasons.

Got my sister to watch Rebels!! And then even a few episodes of The Clone Wars!!! Mwahaha >) 

Finally got around to watching The Great British Bake Off, what a sweet show!

OMG I ALMOST FORGOT Anne With an E!!! Gosh what a wonderful wholesome delightful show. No I haven’t watched S3 yet because I am Lawful Good to a fault and just patiently waiting for it to come on Netflix

Film

So, I woefully neglected to mention The Aeronauts in this post about my favorite movies in the 2010s and that was a Mistake. Because I really enjoyed this one

But otherwise probably check out that list. Because I don’t go to the movies that often, actually, and anything I really loved from 2019 is most definitely listed there.

Did I meet my 2019 Goals?

Writing: Fandom

Finish Learning Curve YES

...and How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days Uh, no, not so much

Begin and complete the in-canon universe You’ve Got Mail AU YES, it is begun but no it is not complete

Try to knock out a few other projects on my 30+ SW ideas Umm, I did start / poke at a few things in addition to the YGM and NatGeo AUs, but nothing really “knocked out”

Try my hand at creating more visual fan works (like moodboards/photosets, step 1, learn proper terminology) ahahahah, no. 

Writing: Original

Query more agents for my completed original novel YIKES, No. But I wasn’t anticipating that I’d decide to heavily edit/revise my manuscript.

Actually get around to deciding which idea I want to work on next and work on it Yeah, sure, I decided. How nice of past!Liz to make this goal so reachable as “deciding” lol

Reading

Be more supportive in helping my friend run Book Club so that it can actually meet more regularly HA, oops. Book Club died, but kind of in favor of being able to start a second D&D campaign. At least that’s the trade off I’m looking at. I had some OCD-related glasses issues this year that inhibited reading a lot.

Try to read at least one book for myself outside of Book Club lol WELL the one book I read this year was not part of Book Club sooo

Goals for 2020

Writing

I’m not going to make this a completion goal, but instead...

...I’d like to just focus on creating a regular writing schedule/habit. Whatever the project, I just want to make sure I carve out significant time each week just to write. I don’t want to set a specific goal like “x hours a week” for now, but I want to make sure that I am writing each week.

To achieve that (because what are goals without maps):

If the words don’t immediately jump onto the page, then I’m going to try outlining or summarizing. I’m going to let go of overthinking how sentences are phrased, and just pretend I’m describing the story idea to a friend.

That blank page is staring at me and I’m just going to fill it with words no matter what I might think of them!

And I’m going to let everything else expand from there. And see how that works.

Edit my original manuscript

Query more agents re: original manuscript

Look into the idea of perhaps forming or joining a writer’s group for original writing oh gosh that is so scary

Other

Get back into reading

Develop a routine for working out

Eat healthier

Continue focusing on therapy goals

Get around to watching: Black Sails, Mad Max: Fury Road, Arrival

Get better at responding to things in general

Tagging: @allatariel, @magalis, @mythologicalmango, @skitzofreak, @threadsketchier, @brynnmclean, @ruby-red-inky-blue, @siachti and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!

Happy New Year y’all!

[today-only-happens-once]

With Great Power - Chapter 5

Title: With Great Power – Chapter 5

Catch up (or read on AO3) here!

Fic summary: Thomas Sanders is just a regular social media personality. But when he gets bit by a spider during filming one of his YouTube videos, his whole life is about to turn upside down—whether he (or the aspects of his personality) want it to or not. Platonic LAMP/CALM + Character!Thomas. Spider-Man AU.

Chapter word count: 3,515

Chapter warnings: cursing, nightmare mention, anxiety mention, minor spoilers for Danny Phantom.

A/N: Almost a month later, here’s chapter 5! So sorry for the delay. I hope you enjoy it! <3 Shoutout to @creativenostalgiastuff for her help as always. Edited by yours truly so all mistakes are mine.

Tags: @captain-loki-xavier, @human-dictionary, @the-peculiar-bi-tch, @mining-pup, @band-be-boss-blog, @asexual-trashbag, @samathekittycat, @why-should-i-tell-youu2, @theobsessor1, @always3charcoaltea, @changeling-ash, @logical-princey, @crimsonshadow323, @flickering-raven, @smokeyrutilequartz, @dontbugmeimantisocial, @liz-a-bell, @black-king-white-knight, @soijusthavetoask, @analogical-mess, @marvelfangeek09, @vigilantvirgil, @princelogical

Sorry for the delay, everyone! Thomas types out for Twitter, a couple days later. Wasn’t feeling great but we’re back at it! New CT coming to you soon!

He pauses, then looks up at Joan across from him, sitting on a chair in Picani’s office. “Hey, what if we did a livestream tomorrow?”

He still feels bad for having gone MIA for a week. Or, as MIA as Thomas ever really went. He’d texted Joan, Camden, and Talyn basically every day to tell them he still wasn’t feeling his best. It wasn’t… a total lie, he’d told himself despite the guilt that sat uncomfortably in his stomach. It definitely hadn’t helped that he’d consequentially been postponing finishing up the filming of Cartoon Therapy due to his absence. It had been a couple of weeks now without any video to post on either channel.

Joan looks up from laptop poised across their lap. “Uh, I can do that. As long as it ends before 6, ‘cause my piano lesson starts at 6:30.”

Thomas smiles. “Perfect. I just feel bad for making them wait, y’know?” To make up for it, he adds to the tweet, we’ll be having a Livestream tomorrow at 4! Open to everyone, not just members. Hope to see you all there!

“You can’t help that you got sick,” Joan replies as Thomas sends the tweet out. “They understand.”

“Yeah, but… y’know.” Thomas lifts a shoulder. “I just wanna do something for them.”

“It’s cool, man,” Joan replies. “I think it’s a good idea. And it’ll give us a nice break from the editing and shit.”

“Speaking of—” Thomas grabs the pen and journal prompts from the bookcase behind him—"how’s Camden handling his part of things? I haven’t talked to him about the vid in a while.”

“I think he’s almost done,” Joan replies. “We just gotta finish the last of Picani and we should have the rest of the footage he needs to finish his section.”

Thomas nods and adjusts the knot in the pastel green tie around his neck. It had seemed like every time they’d tried to film the rest of Picani, something got in the way. Thomas loved acting and he loved the filming stage of videos, but a small part of him just wanted to be done with it. The sooner he could be done filming, the sooner he could focus on… more pressing issues.

“Then let’s finish Picani,” Thomas says lightly. “We’ve just got the last scene with Valerie’s character, right?”

Joan nods. “Yep. Shouldn’t take long at all.”

“Awesome.” Thomas glances in the viewfinder and pushes the bangs that were falling into his eyes out of the way. “Ready when you are.”

Joan hits record on the camera, then looks down at their script. “I have to be the adult, y’know?”

Thomas taps his pen against his mouth, looking carefully at Valerie’s sightline. “You know, Elena… Danny’s older sister feels that way for much of the show, too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Jazz is only a couple of years older than Danny. But she often feels like she has to be the adult in the family because she sees her parents as a bit… immature.” Thomas leans forward slightly. “So she acts way older than she really is. But that mentality ends up backfiring on her when she takes it a little too far.”

“Too far?”

Thomas places his pen on top of his journal in his lap. “In Season 2 Epsiode 7, Danny has to fight a ghost that can only be seen by kids while he’s on vacation with his family. Since Jazz acts and thinks of herself as an adult even though she’s only 16, she can’t see the ghost and starts to think—along with her parents—that Danny is going crazy.” Thomas pauses, remembering that they’d wanted to cut in with a video clip there. Then he continues. “Though her concern is well-intentioned, it leads her to trapping Danny and the ghost goes after their parents. It’s not until Danny is able to get Jazz to act like a kid again that she’s able to see the ghost, and ultimately help to save her family.”

Joan rolls their eyes to keep in character as they read Valerie’s lines. “Fine, but my family’s not under attack by ghosts.”

Thomas sighs. “You’re right. But the point is that Jazz thought acting like an adult was helping the people around her, when it really wasn’t. When she actually started acting her age was when she was able to be the most help—especially to her little brother, who was the whole reason she’d been acting so much older in the first place.”

“Huh…”

“From that point on,” Thomas continues, “Jazz tries to find a balance. She’s a mature person, and nobody was asking her to change that. But she also comes to understand the importance of still being a kid. She learns how to balance the two in a way that doesn’t ask her to sacrifice any part of who she is.”

Joan pauses. “I… guess I could try that. Maria isn’t a little kid anymore, even though I still think of her as my baby sister.”

Thomas gives a small, encouraging smile. “It’ll take some time. Learning balance is not as easy as flipping a switch. But it’s something we can continue to work on. It might even help your relationship with your sister in ways you don’t expect.”

Joan gives a single nod. “I’d like that.”

“Great!” Thomas grins. “So I’ll see you next week?”

“Definitely. And… thanks, Dr. Picani.”

“Any time, Elena.”

…

“We can tell them. Should we tell them? We can tell them. I think. Wait…”

Thomas laughs as Joan stumbles through their thoughts about half an hour in to the livestream. He laughs even harder when he sees the chat blowing up with people asking Joan to just say it already. They’d decided to go back to Thomas’s apartment for the livestream, if only for sake of tradition. Not every livestream had been from this location, but Thomas wanted some of the normalcy back. And Joan, though they’d seemed puzzled, didn’t appear to mind.

“I’m good to tell them who it is,” Thomas says.

“Wait, who as in the…” Joan arches an eyebrow. “Or…” They tilt their head. Perhaps strangely enough, Thomas knows exactly what they’re asking.

He laughs again. “Real name, not the character name.”

“Yeah, okay. That’s what I was thinking.” Thomas and Joan both look back at the camera.

“It’s Valerie,” Thomas says. “The new character we’re introducing is played by my friend, Valerie. Some of you probably know her, since she’s been in… a good number of our videos. We got really lucky that the schedules worked out, since she’s auditioning in Orlando at the moment.”

“Yeah, she’s actually been in a lot,” Joan says. They start counting on their fingers. “Reasons to Smile.”

“On the Spot in the Spotlight,” Thomas supplies. “Which we’re still planning on bringing back.”

“The first Tongue Twisted.” Joan snaps their fingers and points at him. “She’s been in a few of your shorts videos, too.”

“I feel like we’re missing something.” Thomas glances at the chat and smiles at the people shouting SANDERS SIDES in all caps. “That’s right! Goodness gracious, she was in two of the Sanders Sides videos.” He shakes his head. “Sorry, guys. Guess I’m still a little out of it.”

He manages a small, apologetic smile. But a moment later, there’s a flood of messages in the chat telling him not to worry, asking if he’s feeling better, reminding him to rest and drink water… he feels a sharp twist of guilt. He tries not to linger on it.

“Let’s see… other questions….” He watches the chat closely, the knot in his stomach loosening slightly as the messages filter from well wishes to questions again. One of them makes him frown. “Someone’s asking if I’ve seen the Ekko videos?” He glances over his shoulder towards Joan. “I haven’t. Is that a new thing? I don’t know if I’ve heard of them.”

Joan looks suddenly uncomfortable. They shrug, but its awkward and forced. “Yeah. It was all anyone was talking about a couple days ago.”

Thomas hadn’t been checking social media over the past week. A part of him felt relieved that they’d at least moved on from trying to identify who “Spider-Man” was. “What are they?”

Joan gives him a quick look. “I’ll… tell you after the livestream.” Thomas couldn’t quite read their expression, but there was a warning look in their eyes that made him nod his agreement. Whatever it was, Joan didn’t want to talk about it with an audience. They wanted to change the subject.

At Thomas’s nod, Joan leans forward to read the scrolling chat feed until they find a different question. Thomas glances at the screen as well, and sees a few questions with “Spider-Man” in them—they go too fast for him to identify what exactly they’re asking—and feels himself tense. Joan doesn’t seem to even notice the questions.

“Here’s one,” they say after a brief pause. “Thomas, if you could be any kitchen appliance, what would you be?”

As the livestream continues, Thomas finds himself falling into old, comforting habits. He’d always had fun doing livestreams, especially ones with Joan. He appreciated their ability to be thoughtful and intellectual one moment and crack a joke that would make Thomas’s stomach hurt from laughing the next. A part of him feels like he appreciates it now more than ever. Joan is his best friend, and he can tell them anything.

Well… almost.

The idea of telling them about the recent… abilities Thomas had come to acquire made his stomach squirm and his heartbeat quicken. He couldn’t quite explain why. Joan would probably be skeptical—even Thomas hadn’t believed it at first—but the powers were something he could prove, a voice that sounded an awful lot like Logan reminded him. He’d been proving his abilities to himself all week, after all. Maybe he knew there was a chance that Joan would freak out and never talk to him again. They wouldn’t do that. The thought sounds like Patton.

Even so, something whispers safer to not tell them in the back of his mind, and Thomas can’t help but believe it.

“I gotta go soon,” Joan says. They look at Thomas. “Should we end with Mind Meld or something?”

Thomas pushes his bangs out of his eyes. He smiles. “Yeah, let’s do it.” Thomas pauses, thinking of his first word. “Okay. Ready?”

“Yeah.”

“3. 2. 1. Giant,” Thomas chimes at the same time that Joan says, “Apple.”

Thomas laughs. “Giant and apple?” He makes a face. “I don’t even know where to go with that.”

Joan grins in amusement, then thinks. “Okay. I think I have one. Super and apple.”

Thomas stares at them in uncertainty before he gets an idea. “Okay. I do too. It’s kinda weird, though.”

“3. 2. 1. Honeycrisp,” Joan says at the same time Thomas spits out, “New York.”

“I was thinking like, a giant apple. New York?” Joan laughs. It makes Thomas laugh too.

“I was thinking like, ‘giant as in ‘big’ and then—”

“And then you went to Big Apple,” Joan finishes. “Okay. I kind of get that. Honeycrisp and New York. Uh.”

Thomas’s eyes widen as he frantically tries to think of some sort of connection before one occurs to him. “Okay! I think I got one. It’s… broad-ish?”

“Broadish?” Joan starts laughing again. “That’s very helpful.”

“Okay, like,” Thomas waves a hand. “Kinda broad.”

Joan furrows their brow before shrugging. “What the heck. 3. 2. 1.”

Thomas says ‘vendor’ and Joan says ‘food’. It takes another round before they both eventually end up saying ‘restaurant’. Thomas grins when they finally get there. He looks back at the camera.

“Took us a minute but we got there! Thanks for sticking around, guys. This was a lot of fun. Super glad we had the chance to do this.” He glances at the chat, laughing at all the reactions of people playing along. In the midst of the messages—some of them now transitioning to sweet goodbyes—he sees one that catches his eye.

oof after that ekko vid I could use a new reasons to smile

Something uncomfortable sits in Thomas’s chest, but he flashes a quick smile at the camera. “Love you all! Bye!”

He stops the livestream and closes his laptop. Joan sits back in their chair, the spark of amusement from the game of mind meld fades out of their eyes. He’s reminded suddenly of the solemn, uncomfortable look Joan had given him when he’d asked during the livestream about whatever the ‘Ekko video’ was about.

“I saw that message. I know what you’re thinking,” Joan chimes in quietly after a moment. “It’s… not something you really wanna watch, dude. Trust me.”

“Why?”

Joan sighs and reaches for their water bottle. “It’s just… this thing that freaked everyone out. I don’t know how to explain it, but Talyn had nightmares after they watched it.” They take a drink. “I think it’s just someone trying to get some attention. The best thing to do is probably not to give it to them, y’know?”

Thomas nods absently as Joan pushes back from the table and heads towards the kitchen. Talyn didn’t really spook easily. They played horror games for fun in the dark alone. Thomas had never really been that kind of person. But he can’t deny that he’s curious. A part of him does want to know, if only out of a morbid kind of curiosity of what could have that kind of impact on his friends. Even though Joan had talked about Talyn’s reaction, it was clear to Thomas that it had bothered them too.

Dishes clatter in the sink as Joan sets the water bottle they’d borrowed from Thomas amongst the plates and bowls that Thomas hadn’t gotten around to cleaning yet. Neither of them said anything, letting the whir of the AC unit fill the uncomfortable silence between them. Something about it had gotten under Joan’s skin. Something they weren’t telling Thomas.

Thomas opens his mouth to ask them about it when Joan interrupts him suddenly. “I don’t know, man. It was weird and it felt like a warning of some sort. Maybe that’s why Talyn and I both felt a little paranoid after we watched it.” Their dark eyes flicker up to Thomas as they turn from the sink to look at him through the cut out opening above the counter into the living room. “I just don’t really want to dwell on it.”

Thomas caves and nods. “Okay.”

“But if you want to do another Reasons to Smile, that might be fun. A few people in the chat were suggesting it. Maybe that’d be a good idea.” They cross back into the living room and grabs their jacket from the back of the chair.

“Sure,” Thomas says, still a little lost in his thoughts. What could be so bad about that video? “Yeah, I’ll reach out to Camden and the team and whoever is in town to see if they might wanna join in. Maybe I can get Lee or Mary Lee to join this time.”

“Cool.” Joan stops after they’ve pulled their jacket on. Thomas can feel their gaze on him. “You okay?”

Thomas blinks and shakes his head to clear it. “Yeah. Just worried,” he says honestly. He offers a faint smile. “You and Talyn don’t usually get freaked out easily.”

Joan gives him a look. “We have anxiety,” they deadpan teasingly. Thomas huffs a laugh, even though it does little to expel the tightness in his chest. Joan sighs softly. “Really, Thomas. We’re okay.”

Thomas nods again. “Okay.”

“I gotta run,” Joan says, sounding faintly apologetic. “I’m gonna be late for my lesson.”

Thomas gives them a smile that he hopes is reassuring. “Go. Love you.”

“Love you too.” Joan closes the door behind them.

…

Thomas slips his phone into the back pocket of his jeans and cranes his neck up towards the night sky. It’s  little late to be posting the Sunday Shout-Out video, but he liked the nighttime. The parking lot is empty except for his car, and even though he knows he ought to just go home given the hour, a part of him wants to stay out just a little longer.

Thomas sighs and jumps up on the trunk of his car and sits. He fold his hands behind his head and leans back against the windshield, looking up at the stars. Most of them are drowned out by the streetlights that illuminate the lot, but Thomas doesn’t mind. A cool breeze plays with the ends of his hair. It’s calming.

Thomas sighs and closes his eyes.

“I really ought to insist that you go home before too much longer, Thomas.”

The internet personality smiles faintly at the sound of his Logical Side’s voice. He cracks an eye open to find Logan standing beside the car, his arms crossed over his chest and an eyebrow cocked. Thomas’s lips curl up in a faint smile.

“I know, Logan.”

“If you know, then why do you appear to be falling asleep in the middle of an abandoned parking lot?”

Thomas sits up. “I wasn’t falling asleep.”

Logan hums, seemingly unconvinced. “All the same. Optimal rest is necessary for you to maintain a healthy lifestyle.”

“I know.” Thomas shakes his head a little, still smiling, and leans back again. “But this is nice.”

“This?” Thomas can hear the skepticism and confusion in Logan’s voice and tries not to laugh.

“Yes,” Thomas replies. He shifts over. “Take a seat. Try it out for yourself.”

There’s a brief pause, and Thomas isn’t sure whether or not Logan is going to take him up on the offer. Then Logan climbs up on the car, mirroring Thomas’s position beside him except for the folding his hands across his stomach rather than behind his head. Thomas smiles again. He’s a little surprised, although he supposes he shouldn’t be. Logan was the part of him that sought to learn, after all. And if Logan didn’t understand the appeal of something, he could usually be convinced to try it at least once.

“See?” Thomas says after a moment. “It’s nice.”

Logan doesn’t reply right away. “Perhaps.”

“The whole day was kind of nice, actually,” Thomas continues. He lets his eyes drift closed again. “It felt… normal.”

“Normal is a widely subjective term, Thomas.”

“Normal for me, I mean.” He takes in a deep breath of the night air. “Filming, livestreaming, hanging out with Joan. I think maybe I needed that. I needed a day to just be… normal again. Maybe not everything has to change, y’know?”

Logan doesn’t say anything. Thomas feels him shift beside him and he cracks an eye open. Logan is looking up at the sky. The streetlights reflect off the lens of his glasses. A short gust of wind tugs at the end of his stiped tie. There’s something in his expression that Thomas can’t quite read.

He doesn’t dwell on it. Thomas follows Logan’s gaze back up to the sky. “Do you remember,” Thomas asks, “when I was like, seven and wanted to be an astronaut?”

“Yes,” Logan replies. “I do remember that. It was an aspiration that lasted for nearly a full year.”

Thomas glances over at him. “Do you wish I still wanted that?”

Logan adjusts the frame of his glasses before folding his hands across his stomach again. “I don’t believe it’s that simple. I was more than content at your chosen field, Thomas, short-lived as your use of it may have been.”

“You’re talking about chemical engineering.”

“Indeed.” Logan is still looking up at the sky above them. “Although, such fields of study have many unexpected benefits. Perhaps it will prove useful yet.”

The corner of Thomas’s lips curls up in a faint smile. “Perhaps,” he says, echoing Logan from a moment ago. A comfortable silence settles between them. For all the times that Logan and Thomas had been at odds with each other, he’d never doubted that Logan was doing his best to look out for him, just like all of them always did. Most of the time, Thomas found Logan’s company a quiet kind of grounding. Calming. Tonight was no exception to that.

Thomas listens to the crickets and sound of distant car tires rolling on pavement for a long moment. His eyes drift shut again.

“You are getting tired,” Logan says softly, moments before Thomas was about to fall asleep. “I really must insist that you go home to ensure your safety.”

Thomas blinks his eyes open and sits up. He scrubs a hand across his eyes, bangs falling across his face in the process, and smiles tiredly at Logan as the Logical Side sits up beside him.

“You got it, Logan.” He pauses, the smile a little. “And… thanks.”

…

[ahnsael]

From the Winter 1975 edition of Disney News Magazine (which I found an treasure trove of on The Internet Archive -- I’m looking for one article in particular, announcing the future arrival of Big Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disneyland, which was the very first thing I read on my own without my grandpa’s help when I was a wee lad and he used to read his old issues of Disney News Magazine to me, so I can re-live one of the happy memories of my childhood).

But when I ran into this during my search...I mean, I was ODV (Outdoor Vending, for the uninitiated in Disneyspeak -- good old Department 944). I worked those popcorn carts (there were ten of them during busy seasons when I was there and four during slow times, not the four-eight mentioned here), and this was before Disney had realized that feeding the birds popcorn wasn’t a good idea (even in my first time at Disney, it was okay to give a kid a small courtesy cup of popcorn for free to feed the ducks).

I’ve had all kinds of popcorn. Movie theater popcorn, those holiday tins with three different flavors of popcorn, home-popped (air or a pan with some oil) popcorn...but no popcorn I’ve ever tasted compares to Disneyland popcorn.

But my favorite part of being ex-ODV, other than having sometimes been able to sell balloons or glow necklaces (you can keep that battery-operated stuff of today), is that when I see that episode of Disney After Dark where Walt gets popcorn from one of those carts, I’VE WORKED THAT SAME CART.

Obviously, I never served Walt (he died almost eight years before I was born), but I’ve had GOOD times on those popcorn carts.

Including one of my favorite guest interactions ever, in which I met them twice over the course of five days (their daughter was sick for the intervening three days and they weren’t able to come in even though they had tickets).

The family (grandparents, parents, and the parents’ daughter) were from Washington state. They had never been to Disneyland before. I was working what, at the time, was Popcorn 4 (last I heard it’s called Popcorn 1 now, since it’s the one at Central Plaza that most people see first, in its old location where it was part of the scenery if you took a picture of Sleeping Beauty Castle from south of Central Plaza, but that may have changed since I worked there the second time). They came up to me in the morning full of questions.

I made it a habit to carry park maps in my back pocket (and, since in the Southern California Heat, I tended to sweat, I took about ten more than I thought I would need so that when I gave them a map out of my back left pocket, it wouldn’t be soaked with butt-sweat; I know, TMI, and I’m sorry, but it’s the truth).

So I gave them the map that they didn’t grab on their way in, explained everything I could to them, even wrote out an itinerary for them on the best times to hit different attractions (since those “best times” are often the same for different attractions, I encouraged them to prioritize, but also figured that since they had five days they had plenty of time to get it all in -- back then, before DCA opened, you COULD do Disneyland in one day and hit EVERY attraction if you planned it right; not sure that’s possible today).

While I talked to the parents/grandparents, I gave the daughter a free courtesy cup of popcorn to feed the ducks that ALWAYS hung around that popcorn wagen waiting for handouts or scraps.

There were two ducks there that day. She named them “Pop” and “Corn” as she fed them.

And she was better at telling them apart than I was. I just saw a couple of mallard ducks, but she recognized the differences in their markings.

So I basically helped this family plan five days in the park, detail by detail. And this was NOT an imposition on their part -- I was happy to do so. I mean, that popcorn cart gets REALLY busy at parade times and later in the day, but just after park opening it’s mostly open just for show. When the rope drops on Main Street, there aren’t exactly many people who think, “The first thing I need to do today is get popcorn!” It’s a slow time of day on that cart, and I loved helping give directions or advice or doing whatever I could to make a guest’s day better.

I gave the family my schedule for the next four days, with the caveat that schedules can be changed last minute and, while I might be scheduled to sell ice cream bars in Critter Country the next day, that didn’t mean I wouldn’t be selling churros in Tomorrowland instead.

And I really looked forward to seeing them again. They were REALLY nice people, and I wanted to be able to check up on them and see how things were going if they stopped by my carts over the next few days.

I didn’t see them for the next three days.

The last day of their vacation, I was a Lead -- which meant more time backstage, and less time onstage as I handled the paperwork end of things more than I handled the onstage end.

But it was my job that night to “close the park,” which means that I would go around to the popcorn carts (the only ones that aren’t brought back to the ODV warehouse that night) to make sure they had been properly cleaned, and to put tarps over them so the people who hose down the walkways every night wouldn’t end up spraying the collected dirt/debris onto the carts, so that they would still be clean the next day.

This night, I had just finished -- I had to wait for Control 1 (the main security office) to announce that the park was clear to the Hub (Central Plaza) and to the Hub only before I went to my last cart at Central Plaza.

I finished that (usually I used a bicycle to do this but I’d gotten an early start that night and knew that I couldn’t let guests see me on a bicycle) and as I started walking back to the office (a route that would take me from Central Plaza through Frontierland, New Orleans Square, and Critter Country), I saw the family again on the bridge between Central Plaza and Frontierland.

So I stopped and checked up on them, knowing it was the end of their last day. They recognized me (which, as many thousands of people I talk to each day and how many cast members guests talk to, I was impressed both that the remembered me and that I remembered them, though I had spent more time with them than I do with the average guest so they had kind of stuck out to me more than the average “where’s the bathroom?” guests), and we talked a bit about their trip.

I started to ask about what they got to experience, but the mom quickly shushed me and explained that the daughter had been too sick to come to the park for the middle three of the five days, and that they had just been in their hotel room and were only willing to come in on Day 5 because they wanted the daughter’s last day to be a Disney experience, and not a “stuck-in-a-hotel-room” experience, and that they didn’t bring her in until late in the day because they were worried that they would make other people sick. This broke my heart. And there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

But while I talked to the mom, the daughter saw two ducks swimming in the water near the bridge, and declared that they were Pop and Corn (not gonna lie, I was kind of proud that she named them after the thing I gave her to feed them on the first day, even though now I know that feeding popcorn to ducks isn’t the best idea). I honestly have no clue whether they were the same ducks. A mallard is a mallard to my eye. But I wasn’t about to argue.I went back to what was then Popcorn 4 (leftover popcorn was left in a large plastic bag to be picked up in the morning and taken to a local food bank where it joined other leftover Disneyland food as a tax write-off donation to those who could still use it, rather than being thrown away).

I shared some history and trivia with them (at this point, including the daughter, since the mom had already told me what their experience had been like and I could tailor things to avoid asking about things like “You know that part in this ride?” to avoid having to hear the daughter say she hadn’t been on it.

Security came by on their sweep to get everyone out. Even the Main Street shops had closed at this point.

Fortunately, the guard who showed up and I had spoken several times backstage. I wouldn’t say we were friends, but we knew each other well enough to respect each other professionally. When I pulled him aside and explained the situation, and told him that I would be responsible for this family and get them out before long, but that...we needed a moment, he tipped his cap and moved on (and I did walk the family out when all was said and done to make sure they did leave and didn’t spend the night in the park, but it’s also amazing knowing that I was not only the first cast member they had a conversation with about the details of their trip, but also that I was literally the LAST cast member they spoke to AT ALL in the park...that’s still a source of pride for me something like 25 years later).

At one point during my conversation with the mom (the dad was sadly deceased), the mom literally asked me to marry her. I’m pretty sure it was meant as a joke, and that’s how I took it at the time. But it’s the only time anyone proposed to me (the one time I proposed to someone else, it ended in a Dear John email on Christmas Eve so while it gets easier 22 years later, if I’m a little short with anyone or any posts that day...it still hits me this time of year).

But this was before my actual engagement, so there was no pain at the time.

The mom gave me her number and told me to call if I was ever in Washington state so they could return the favor of showing me around.

And the thing is...I lived in Washington state for a while quite a few years after this. But while I kept the phone number for YEARS (even if, at the time, I thought of it as “saving a memory” rather than actually intending to ever call), I had lost the number in a car wreck in which my car was totaled (back when I lived in my car so literally EVERYTHING important to me had been in it and I never recovered any of it).

I don’t remember what part of Washington they were in. And we were on a first-name basis from the get-go, so there’s no looking them up now to say “Hey, I’m that Disneyland guy from 20 years or so ago, how are things?”

But I totally would have checked in had I still had their number when I was in Vancouver WA.

It’s a guest interaction that has always stuck with me, and always will. I’ve had several of those, but this is the only one that comes with regret for not keeping in touch.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Blink Twice for Final Judgement | Short Story Update

Hello everyone! I’ve been on hiatus for a bit, but I’m back today with a short story update for a piece I finished recently called Blink Twice for Final Judgement.

Just a reminder: This is my original work and plagiarism of any form will not be tolerated.

Plot:

On the ten year anniversary of her sister’s death, Eden visits her childhood home and agrees to photograph Sundown, a gratitude festival, after meeting the new (and strange) “family” who lives there.

Genre: Literary fiction, short fiction

POV: First person retrospective

Word count: 6679 (my longest story to date!)

Characters:

Eden (24)

Our apathetic narrator. She is unafraid to roast you but is simultaneously fragile. Her stubborn refusal of change makes her vulnerable to exactly! that!

Viv (14, dead)

Eden’s identical twin sister. She is not a character on the page, but is referenced throughout the story. We learn little about her, but gather she, unlike Eden, seemed to have more of an interest in teenage rebellion and femininity before her death. It is unclear whether or not Eden’s relationship with her sister is based off jealousy, love, grief, or obsession.

Iian (mid 40s)

New owner of Eden’s childhood home who seems to have curated a “family” (aka a cult)

Damaris (14)

Iian’s daughter and only child who Eden describes as Viv’s, and therefore, her own, doppelganger. She seems stifled by her father’s practices and finds friendship in Eden.

Conception:

This story actually began as a different draft called Anatomy of a Swinging Door that I started about a year and a half ago. I never got past 400 or so words in the story (I was very new to short fiction) and shelved the story, though I’d revisited it every few months to see if there was anything I could add (most times there was nothing).

I’ve not been having a great mental health month and really felt I was lacking drive and purpose, which leaked especially into my writing. Feeding Habits has been giving me problems since June, and since I’ve been writing it on and off, I lacked the momentous “high” that writing a lot in a short amount of time can give you (absolutely not the healthiest mindset, but I really needed a pinch of success to liven me). In an attempt to chase this “high” I threw myself into short fiction, finishing my draft of Phantom Limbs as well as another story, Slaughter the Animal. After I completed StA and Feeding Habits was still not working, I decided I wanted to write another short story. However, I didn’t have a working idea. While scrolling through my title list, I noticed I’d had the title “Blink Twice” and the title “Final Judgement” right underneath it, and immediately my brain was like “Blink Twice for Final Judgement” and it instantly reminded me of this story. So I popped open the old document of this story and began fleshing it out, little by little.

Initially, this idea began as Eden visiting her childhood home on the one year anniversary of her brother’s death, but I found this story screamed sisterhood, and so I changed the timeline, made it CanLit (TM), and made this sibling relationship one between twin sisters (which I also! am!). While on a drive with my family, I had a vision of the story’s end, and so referred to that note frequently when piecing the concept together, though my original vision strayed by the time I got to it.

And of course, because this is my cult story, I did do some research on cults during and after the fact. I listen to lots of true crime, so I’ve familiarized myself with a lot of cult stories, and so that knowledge, as well as some new research and imagination allowed me to create my own spin on a cult. It’s not based off a cult, but gathers some inspiration from a few.

The writing bit:

The idea expanded slowly, but I started to understand the idea, the changes I’d made to the initial draft, and the story began to take shape. It did take longer than expected to draft (about 3 weeks), and had its ups and downs. There were some logistics I struggled to sort out, for example, we know Eden has been hired to photograph Sundown, but I didn’t know how long it would be, whether or not I’d write her staying with the family long term, whether the story would lead up to Sundown or if it would start with it, etc. I did not know this answer until I finished the draft of this story two days ago, and was surprised with the direction the story went. It felt like I was drafting and simultaneously doing developmental edits as I implemented some structural changes to the story as I went. The structure of this story for this reason, was the hardest part to nail down!

Upon finishing the story, I was truly unsure of how the story had turned out as I had a feeling I might need another edit on the timeline of Sundown as my initial plan had changed up a bit. However, I ended up not needing to change much and after reading the story all in one go, am very happy with it!

The writing itself was pretty painless. I didn’t struggle with prose like I sometimes do, and quite love the environment of language I’ve cultivated. Eden has a distinct, cynical voice, and I like how that informs the details she notices (aka she often ROASTS). I think the prose is strong and I look forward to seeing what I do with the story in future.

Aesthetic:

While I can’t share excerpts of this story, here’s an aesthetic that captures the *vibe*:

Playlist:

I’ve been listening to a lot of Marika Hackman lately and Undone, Undress from We Slept At Last truly gives me this story’s vibes! Some particularly relevant lyrics:

Here's my body, I am undone Let them have me, let them come Blue beaks aching, flesh forsake me Only bones for the hunter's gun

Load me heavy, I can't bend Break me better, so I won't mend

The forest murmurs 'Careful creatures She'll be gone when the master comes'

I wrote a lot of the story to this album and foresee this becoming a trend for future short stories lol!

Blink Twice marks my eighth full-length short story which also means I am making progress on a potential future collection (not all eight stories will be in the collection, five are confirmed for now), which is exciting!

That’s it for now! :) I may be on here periodically, but I’ve deleted the Tumblr app and will keep it that way, so I may be a little slower to things (and also school is starting up so there is also that). See you soon!

--Rachel

[let-it-raines]

Betting on the Bullseye (16/?)

Summary: Emma Swan loses a bet that means she has to ask her celebrity crush to be her date to her office’s annual fundraising gala. Killian Jones is that celebrity crush. She expects all kinds of humiliation and for her dignity to be completely lost. What she doesn’t expect is for him to say yes.

Rating: Mature

A/N: I didn’t have to edit, Nonnie, so sometime this weekend turns out to be Friday night! Happy weekend, you guys!

AO3: Beginning | Current 

Tumblr: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 

Tag list: @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @wellhellotragic​ @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @artistic-writer @branlovesouat @dreadpirateemma @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @galaxyzxstark @lifeinahole27 @andiirivera @ultimiflos @hollyethecurious @thejollyroger-writer @superchocovian @cs-forlife @qualitycoffeethings

Over the course of June, Killian’s sure that he flies between Los Angeles and Boston more times than any other passenger. He’s not really working consistently while Emma is, so he’s constantly loading up on a plane, racking up miles every time just to spend a day or two in Boston before he’s flying back for a meeting or a pre-made appointment. Sometimes he has to simply show up an event, let people see him wearing clothes, and then he can leave. He thinks those are his least favorite, but as much as acting is his job, that is too.

Sometimes he really wonders about his life. It’s definitely not normal. He knows that, but he’s honestly used to it. He was comfortable with it, but that was before he fell in love with a woman who lives three thousand miles away.

(Two thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine miles to be exact. He looked it up.)

Honestly, though, he’d spend his life on a plane just to be with her. Will calls him sappy (a sappy wanker actually), and while he might be, he doesn’t really care. It’s definitely worth it.

Emma is worth it.

Damn, okay, maybe he is sappy.

Of course, with his frequent flying and the few posts he’s made about Emma online, never showing her face or saying her name, the amount of pictures of him on the internet has increased drastically. With that, journalists and paparazzi have begun to investigate where he’s going, often finding him in Boston with Emma when they’re out to eat or running outside. Last week they went to the Red Sox game when they were playing the Yankees, bringing her friends with them, and he couldn’t even begin to count the amount of people that were waiting outside of the stadium when he left. What could possibly be so interesting about him walking out of a baseball game he’ll never know.

According to Robin, they’ve recognized Emma from their first date at the charity gala, and with every new picture that’s taken, there’s some other bogus article about them, the information supposedly coming from their close friends. Considering that everything about it is bullshit and that none of their friends would ever talk to a journalist, he’s not too concerned about it all. Really, everything is gossip, just articles that are made for clicks, and the only concerns he truly has about all of it is Emma and her well-being.

She seems to be fine, says that she’s fine, and is always telling him that she understood what she was getting into to a certain extent. It hasn’t been as bad as it once had been in the past, his lack of released projects likely helping with that, and he’s never been so thankful for not having worked as much as he usually does. She did say there were some photographers outside of her apartment last week, which isn’t a shock since they managed to find it the night of their first date, but that it hadn’t been enough to make her uncomfortable.

He, however, is entirely uncomfortable with anyone trailing after Emma and her home. He’s the one who chose this profession and everything that comes with it, and while he doesn’t like it, he should be the one to have to take all of the displeasure and annoyances that come with it, not his girlfriend when she’s simply trying to go throughout her life like she always has.

Emma’s flying out to him tomorrow, though, claiming that she wants to spend some time at the beach for the weekend. She took Friday off, has been working her arse off all week to make up for it too, and he’s excited to see her while also being able to spend time in his own home. He’s not saying his bed is more comfortable than Emma’s, but his bed is definitely more comfortable than Emma’s.

She admits to it as well.

His bed is bloody comfortable.

“You have issues, man,” Will whistles, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge and settling down on a stool while Killian continues to wash their plates from lunch.

“What issues do I have?”

“You’ve been in here scrubbing three plates for over fifteen minutes. And you’re just going to put them in the washer too. I don’t see the point.”

Killian shrugs, rinsing his plate off one more time before drying it with a towel. “It’s a force of habit. Didn’t have a dishwasher growing up and had to do things by hand. I’ve never quite gotten out of the habit. Also, you’re not supposed to insult the hands that feed you.”

“Before you eat, mate. It’s after. You can’t spit in my food now.” “I’ll save it for next time. What time do you have to be down at the bar?”

“Seven. I’m working until closing, which always sucks on Wednesdays. Who the hell stays out until closing on Wednesdays?”

“People who need something to drink about or who don’t have normal jobs. Or kids. So, really, most people in this city.”

“True,” Will sighs, taking another sip of his water. “I’m still waiting for you to give me a fancy job like Rob where I can finally work semi-normal hours.” “I told you. Come up with something you can do, and I’ll let you do it. Though you do serve a mean drink.” He opens up the dishwasher and puts the plates inside, checking to see how much longer until he can run the thing. “Is the match still going on?”

“Yeah, it’s in the beginnings of the fifth set. I think Rob is going to pull his hair out. But not for him. Rol has apparently been freaking out for the whole tournament. Tennis is his new thing, says Messi and Ronaldo are old news.” “Ah, to be young and switch interests so quickly.”

“Bloody hell,” Robin groans from the living room, loud enough for them to hear in the kitchen. “Why would you do that? You should have gone down the line instead of cross court.”

“Do we need to go save him before he rips all of his hair out and breaks your TV?”

“I don’t care about his hair, but I do care about my TV.”

“I can hear you,” Robin yells, the displeasure in his voice obvious. “You try having a son who’s freaking out about this match while he’s supposed to be learning how to use correct grammar at school.”

“I’ll get to working on that,” Will jokes, sliding back in his stool while Killian grabs himself a water bottle as well. “Though I don’t really think a lass will want to have a kid with me just so I can yell at the TV. I think that’s the opposite of what they want.”

“Just shut up and come watch the match,” Robin groans, and Killian shakes his head back and forth while laughter rumbles through his stomach.

“You two are ridiculous.”

-/-

Emma: I just boarded the plane. See you soon! Is there a way you can make the rain forecast go away?

Kilian: Let me just use my magical powers, and I’ll do that for you.

Emma: You’re da bomb diggity.

Emma: Pretend I didn’t type that.

Killian: Never. Be safe, love.

Emma: I shall not wear my seatbelt and will walk around during turbulence.

Killian: The definition of safety.

He goes back to lounging on his couch and flipping through channels on the TV. It’s been a long time since he was this bored, and he’s contemplating asking Elsa to bring Aiden over to the house just so that he has someone to talk to. Of course, he’s thinking about having a baby for his conversational partner, so he’s not sure how good of an idea that is.

Elsa would be here too, but he honestly wasn’t thinking about having her to talk to. He may be a horrible brother-in-law. And friend. So both. He’s terrible with both.

He’ll have to go see them sometime next week. He’s saw Liam when they went to dinner Monday night, but Elsa had been going to spend time with her friends. Maybe Emma will want to go over there this weekend, or they can come here and spend the day at the beach with them.

If he makes the rain go away. He’s supposed to be doing that.

He really might be bored enough to be delusional.

Sighing, he keeps flipping through the channels and leaves it on Friends, knowing if anything that can just play in the background while he fiddles around on his phone. He might need to pick up a new hobby other than reading and exercising. And he’s pretty sure that exercising is technically part of his job.

Does he really only have one hobby? Well, taking his boat out must count. So that’s two.

He’s got to work on this apparently.

Slowly but surely the hours pass as he alternates between watching TV and wandering around his house, cleaning up and straightening anything that’s out of place. If he wasn’t always traveling, he’d get a dog to keep him company, and he definitely spent at least two hours looking at different breeds just now.

He wants them all.

His phone buzzes to tell him there’s someone at the gate, and when he checks the video feed, it’s Emma punching in the code and walking through with her weekend bag slung over her shoulder. He immediately gets up from the couch and walks to his front door, swinging it open and running outside to catch Emma before she bothers going through the garage.

“Oh hey,” she begins when she sees him twisting her body at the sound of the door opening. “Were you watching the cameras because – ”

He doesn’t let her finish, grabbing onto her waist and pulling her to him with his lips, effectively quieting her words while she gasps into her mouth. It’s only been a week, but he’s been anxiously awaiting her being here for the entire time. Missing her isn’t getting any easier. If anything, he thinks it’s getting a bit harder. She tastes like coffee and minty gum, a combination that’s not great, but he doesn’t really care with the way she’s sliding her lips over his and threading her fingers into his hair, her nails scratching at the sensitive spots on his scalp. God, he loves her a ridiculous amount, and he’ll never not be thankful that she allows him to be a part of her life.

“Were you watching the cameras?” she sighs breathlessly when she pulls back, resting her forehead against his, her skin ridiculously warm while a breeze blows past them, the impending storm picking up. “Because I can’t decide if that’s sweet or creepy.”

“Just be quiet, Swan,” he laughs, gliding his lips over hers again and sucking on her upper lip. He quite likes the little noise she makes when he does it, and he’d like to hear it as often as possible. “And I wasn’t watching. My phone sends me a message whenever there’s someone at the gate.” “Fancy.” “I try to be. You want to come inside?” “Why, Mr. Jones,” she begins in an exaggerated accent, “you have to buy me dinner first before I come inside. I am a lady. I can’t just go home with any man.”

“Did you watch a period piece on the plane?” “Absolutely I did.” “That’s what I thought.”

The moment they get inside and have the door closed, Emma drops her bag to the ground and wraps her arms around his neck while he backs her up to the front door, rolling his hips against hers while his mouth moves over hers with more force and more intensity than it did outside. This is how most of their reunions go, hurriedly greeting each other and making up for all of the lost time that they’ve missed while apart. She’s bloody intoxicating in the way the she feels against him, the way that her tongue feels as it dances with his, and with the way that her hands move along his shoulders and up and down his sides, snaking up under his shirt at the same time this his hands find the warm skin of her stomach.

“I smell like airport.” “You know I don’t care. I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she sighs before gasping as his lips trace along her jaw, nipping slightly and soothing every bite with his tongue. He doesn’t want to leave a mark, won’t leave one, but she likes when he teases her. He likes it too.

“That seemed like the longest flight of all time.” “You weren’t…ah fuck, you weren’t even on it.”

“I was waiting for you.” “Again, it sounds creepy without context.”

He chuckles against her ear before kissing the lobe all the while his thumbs ghost over her nipples through her bra. He can feel the lace underneath his touch, and it sends a shiver down his spine. She’s not usually one for pretty little underwear, so he’s not going to complain when he’s gifted with this.

“You talk far too much when I’m supposed to be taking your breath away.” “Do a better job,” she teases him, resting her forehead against his shoulder while she maneuvers herself to wrap her legs around his waist, grinding her core into his so that they both groan. “You can take me upstairs now.” “Not feeling like walking?” “Not at all.”

He walks her down the hallway and to the stairs all the while her lips trail across his jaw and down his neck, the pressure at the base of his spine continuously building and building and building to the point where it’s almost painful not to be inside of her right now.

“Oh my God, KJ,” she gasps when he stops to readjust her in his arms on the middle landing, “don’t you dare drop me.”

“I’m not going to, love. That’s why I’m adjusting you. This isn’t as easy as you’d think when my entire body is thrumming with frustration.”

“Thrumming?” “It’s a word.”

“Yeah, but it’s kind of weird word when you think about it. I mean – ”

“Emma, my love,” he interrupts continuing to take the steps upstairs since he’s now confident he won’t drop her, “I will absolutely sit with you and talk about language in about twenty minutes, but I need you to not think about the origins of the word thrumming right now.”

“Oh you think you’re going to last that long when you’re thrumming with desire?”

He drops Emma on the bed the moment he’s close enough to it, letting her bounce just because she’s being a smart arse, but she doesn’t seem at all deterred by that. “You are driving me mad.” “I know, I know,” she squeals as he peppers kisses across her face while undoing his zipper. “I just feel like humming would be a better choice there and – ”

He cuts her off with a kiss. It’s all he can do when she’s in a playful mood like this and wants to have an absolutely ridiculous conversation with him when he really does feel as if he may burst from frustration, desire, or whatever the hell Emma wants to call it. Honestly, he loves her, but he missed her like mad and needs this right now. And Emma’s very obviously not protesting with the way she whimpers into his mouth.

Despite their brief interlude, it’s a rush of clothing being removed and bodies melding into each other just as their lips have been. She feels fucking fantastic wrapped around him as she moves up and down above him, and he has to briefly close his eyes with the pleasure of it all. They’ve truly gotten into a groove as of late, finally having time to learn more about each other’s bodies and pleasures as they spend more time together, and he can absolutely feel all of the proof of that right now.

It’s honestly like heaven.

Emma falls apart before he does despite how keyed up he’s been, but he doesn’t last long after her, not with the way she feels pulsing (thrumming) around him and the way she whispers his name over and over again into his ear while her nails dig into his shoulders. It was quick and a bit messy, maybe even a little harsh, but as they both rest against each other while catching their breaths, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Hold on, darling,” he whispers, moving her off of him while he walks into the bathroom on still shaky legs to clean himself up and get a wash cloth for Emma. He gently cleans her up before pulling on his boxers and tossing the cloth in the laundry bin as he settles back into bed where Emma is still stretched out. “You not going to move, Swan?”

“In a minute,” she yawns, slowly sitting up and propping herself up on her elbows. “The jet lag is hitting me right now. Like, hard. I think I was run over by the plane at some point.” “Why don’t you go to sleep?” “I’m trying,” she yawns again, slowly getting up from the bed and stretching her limbs out the slightest bit. “Will you be, like, the best man in the entire world and go get my bag from downstairs? I’m just going to wear your pajamas, but I need my toothbrush.”

“I bought you one to keep here when I went shopping the other day. And I stocked up on some more of your shampoo.”

“Is it the – ”

“Yep, it’s the electronic kind that you and your special teeth like.”

“Bless you,” she sighs, coming over to him and cupping her cheeks before slanting her lips over his while his hands rest at her hips. “I love you, and I know I’m, like, deliriously tired, but that is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.” “Yeah, we’re definitely going to have to work on that then.” He gently slaps her arse while their lips are still ghosting over each other. “Go get dressed and try out that toothbrush, Swan.”

“I most definitely will.”

-/-

He’s standing in his kitchen drinking his mug of coffee the next morning when Emma stumbles down the stairs with all of the grace she usually possesses as she walks over his pajama pants that are far too long on her. Usually she rolls them up, but she must have just decided to take the risk of tripping and walked down the stairs like that. Honestly, he’s not even really sure if she’s actually fully awake right now with how sleep rumpled she is.

“G’morning, love.” “Morning,” she gruffs, walking toward him and taking his coffee out of his hands only to take a sip and scrunch up her face. “This is disgusting.” “That’s because it’s made for me and not for you. You don’t like black coffee. I do.”

“You’re weird,” she moans, resting her head against his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist after putting the mug down. She must be exhausted, all of her sleep making her groggier than usual, and he lets her rest there, rubbing his hand up and down her back while her hair gets caught in his mouth. Her hair is really something else. “I’m tired.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell.” She weakly hits his back before pulling away from him. “Sorry for taking your coffee. I’m going to make an actual, drinkable cup now, and you can keep your nasty one to yourself.”

“Sounds like a plan, Stan.”

“Ha,” Emma laughs, her eyes lighting up, “I knew that I’d get you to say it!”

“Aye, Swan, you’ve bested me with your odd little sayings.”

“Yes, exactly.” She pokes him in the stomach before moving around him and preparing her own cup. “I said bloody hell the other day, so we obviously both have problems.”

It’s nice to have a slow, quiet morning with Emma. There’s no impending plane ride tomorrow, no immediate rush to do everything they absolutely can in twenty-four hours, so they sit in his living room, drinking their coffee and eating the bagels he had delivered this morning. Usually he’d cook something, but he wasn’t feeling like it this morning, figuring he could just order in while Emma was sleeping upstairs.

He really likes having her here, and while he knows it’s far too soon to even suggest it, he wishes it could be a permanent thing. He keeps thinking about it, though, thinking about the fact that Emma could have more than just her toothbrush here.

She’s laughing at the beginning of the Hangover, something he’d like to get to experience more often, and while he wonders why that movie is playing before noon on a Friday, he’s not going to question it when he can already feel his stomach rumbling with laughter as well. Suddenly Emma’s phone starts ringing, the vibrations causing it to move across the coffee table, and she leans forward to pick it up. “Hello?” she answers, adjusting her legs and tucking them underneath her. “Oh hey, Rubes. Rubes? Hey, Ruby?” she soothes, her voice calm yet firm, and he immediately mutes the television so Emma can hear. “Ruby, you have to stop cursing and tell me what’s wrong. Are you okay? Is Marg okay?”

She looks over at him with fear in her eyes, the green brighter than usual, but he can see them relax while Ruby tells her whatever she tells her. He can’t hear, the sounds muffled, but if Emma wanted him to, she’d put in on speaker.

“Oh, Rubes,” Emma sighs, getting up from the couch and pacing the room, “I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about what happened?”

He has absolutely no idea what’s happening, what’s wrong with Ruby, but he watches Emma move back and forth in front of his television, running her hand through her hair multiple times all the while biting her lip. She doesn’t look upset, not truly, but she’s definitely not happy. The fact that she’s not crying soothes him in the fact that he doesn’t think someone has died or been in an accident.

He wants to know because he’s curious, but he also wants to know because he wants everyone to be okay. He’s really come to care about Emma’s friends.

“I’m going to be home Sunday night. I promise. I’ll come over to your place, or you can come over to mine. It doesn’t matter, but why don’t you go spend some time with Marg? I know you probably want to be alone, but Marg really does help. And I know for a fact that she’s got a bunch of good junk food in her freezer. I love you, Rubes.”

Ruby obviously says a few more things, Emma nodding her head to all of them, before she’s hanging up her phone, placing in on the coffee table, and then coming to straddle his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek.

He rubs his hand up and down her back in what he hopes are calming circles. “What’s wrong, Swan? You okay?”

“Fine,” she mumbles into his skin before pulling back and settling back on his thighs. He gently take her hand in his, bringing her wrist to his lips and kissing the skin there several times. “I mean, I feel really shitty for being here because Ruby and Victor broke up and I’m not there to comfort her. She took the day off of work and everything, and Ruby is not one for moping. But she’s moping. I think we really all hoped it was going to work out for them this time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“You’re not home because you’re here with me. I’m sorry for Ruby, and I’m sorry you can’t be there with her.”

“It’s okay,” she sighs, and he can tell that she only partially means it. “Marg is much more comforting, and then by the time Ruby’s ready to bash Victor, I’ll be there with all of the things that bothered me about him but that I never voiced.”

“Is the hair number one on that list?”

“Stop,” she groans, scrunching up her face and slapping his shoulder. “That’s awful.” “I mean, that is probably pretty tame compared to what’s going on in your mind right now.”

“True.” Emma dips her head and slants her lips over his. She tastes like her coffee, the vanilla creamer obvious, and he can’t say he minds, not when the taste is on her lips and not in his coffee. It’s much better than the mint and coffee of last night. “I love you.”

He reaches up and tucks her hair behind her ears, the strands continuously falling, before looking up at her through his lashes while his thumb traces over her cheek, over the freckles that reside there. “I love you, too. Do you want to go out to the beach to get your mind off of things?” “I’d like that.”

The temperature continues to rise throughout the day, but with the way the sky is overcast, the heat isn’t overwhelming. If anything, it almost makes it cool despite being over eighty degrees. And as the dark clouds move in, thunder rumbling in the air, he only gets a few minutes to appreciate Emma in the scrap of fabric she has on before they’re rushing inside already soaked to the bone with how quickly the rain fell.

He thought maybe the storm wouldn’t come after it didn’t break last night, but he was apparently wrong about that.

After they’ve both quickly rinsed the sand off in the shower and changed into warmer clothes, they settle down in his room, Emma pulling the comforter practically up to her chin while he flips through the channels trying to find something to watch. Emma teases him when they pass one of his movies, practically begging to watch, but he refuses and settles on one of the Oceans movies just to have something playing. Friday afternoon is obviously not prime time for movie replays.

Obviously Fridays are just bad for television overall.

Emma’s been herself all day, but he can tell that not being at home with Ruby is definitely bothering her. She’ll get quiet every now and then, her gaze trailing away, and she’s got her phone by her side constantly when she usually leaves it alone for a little while, not always having to be on it. He wishes he could help, had offered to pay for her ticket so she could go home early, but she insisted that it was fine, that it really will be better for her to stay. Still, he can tell that she wishes she was at home, especially when she walks out of the room to talk to Mary Margaret for at least an hour.

“We should do something with your family tomorrow,” she tells him. “Or Will and Robin. I don’t know. As much as I love sitting inside with you with it pouring down rain outside, we probably should leave this house at some point. Or maybe have people come to us.” He wraps his arm around her shoulder, tugging her closer and kissing her temple. “Elsa did say she wanted to do something with you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“How?”

He can feel her shrug under his arm. “We text.” “Really now?”

“Hey, don’t be so surprised. I like her. Also, I know that you and Marg talk about food all of the time, so it’s really not weird.”

“I never said it was, love.”

“It was implied, KJ.”

-/-

“You’re such a cutie,” Emma coos to Aiden, brushing his hair off of his face while she lays on the floor of Elsa’s house with him so that they can play with all of the toys he has scattered across the ground. Aiden’s taken quite a liking to her, which is good considering his fondness for only liking people he knows. “You remind me so much of Leo.”

Aiden runs one of his trucks over Emma’s stomach, and she doesn’t even care, laying out on the ground and making Aiden giggle with all of her theatrics.

“If anything, I think I’m going to keep you around to entertain my kid,” Elsa laughs, settling down next to him on the couch and handing him the tea she’s been making.

“I mean, I’m being run over by giant trucks right now, so it’s very hard work. I feel like I need a pay raise.” “We’ll negotiate later.” Elsa nudges his shoulder, making him tear his eyes away from where Emma is now tickling Aiden’s stomach, their combined laughter filling the room.

“What?”

“Slow your roll,” Elsa whispers into his ear, squeezing his shoulder.

“What are you on about, lass?”

“You’re thinking about future things,” Elsa continues, and he can feel the blush rising in his face and reaching the tips of his ears. He is thinking about future things, has been all weekend, but watching Emma with Aiden is filling him with more thoughts than it should. One day at a time. They take things one day at a time, maybe a few weeks at a time, but they’re not thinking years ahead. He’s thinking years ahead. “I can see all of the gears turning in your head, see the way you’re making all of these plans.”

“I am not.” “You are.” She rubs her hand up and down his arm while he takes a sip of his tea, letting the warm liquid wash down. “And I’m so happy for you, but you gotta take the baby steps before you take the running leaps.”

He hums, knowing that she’s telling the truth. Honestly, though, even with all of his thoughts about the future, he knows this. He’s not looking to do anything that he’s not ready for. He’s not looking to do anything that Emma’s not ready for.

“Thank you for your all-knowing advice, oh wise one.”

“Shut up,” she groans, slapping his shoulder before pulling back and picking up her tea from the coffee table and drinking it. “Emma, let me know when you’re tired of fooling with him, and I’ll pull Liam out of his office so that the three of us don’t have to have him constantly in our sights.” “Are we talking about Aiden or Killian here?”

Elsa giggles beside him, blinking down into her cup all the while he feels the tips of his ears heat again. “Sweetheart,” he sweetly begins, “I will leave you here and change the gate code at the house if this is how things are going to be.”

“Hmm,” Emma mumbles, pulling Aiden up to stand on her stomach, “I think I’ll just stay here. I feel like Aiden will gladly share his room with me. He’s much cuter than you too.”

“This is so true.”

“Bloody hell,” he grumbles into his cup. “I’ve made a mistake introducing the two of you. This is not nearly as entertaining as when we’re all ganging up on Liam.” “That’s because Liam is much more fun to make fun of,” Elsa laughs, having to wipe the corners of her eyes. “He gets much more flustered than you, which is saying something.”

They stay over at Liam and Elsa’s while the storm rains itself out, coating the city in water that it probably desperately needed, especially with the summer heat taking full effect. It’s nice listening to the steady rhythm of the rain beating against the house, watching it fall down through the floor-to-ceiling windows they have leading out to the backyard, and while he had no intention of staying here all day, it’s exactly what happens. Emma falls asleep in a recliner, a blanket pulled up around her legs and Aiden snuggled into her chest, while he and Elsa watch TV and eat food, catching up on everything they’ve missed while Liam finally leaves his office and joins them.

It’s one of those days where you know it’s good while it’s happening, and even though Emma wanted to spend time out at the beach while she was out here, he doesn’t think that the rain has been a bad thing.

It’s actually been a good one.

Really good.

[iristial]

kakafukaka ep.9

I am no relationship guru, but I had my seventy dish take on what this episode gave me (and as expected, it’s the length of a red carpet)

Note: The wi-fi was lagging so it pretty much took me hours to watch this episode in full. Expect a flip from being fairly positive to downright grabbing that walnut crusher and grinding someone’s head with it

I don’t ship anything in this drama but I think Hongyo is, at the end of the day, the best suitor for Aki once he stops being so passive about his thoughts and she fixes things on her end

He was definitely drawn to her as a teenager when she used to shine like a star and could befriend anyone with the confidence of a thousand men. I think that signifies that the person who Hongyo likes isn’t just Aki herself, but who she can potentially be - as in, he’s attracted to her better qualities. There seems to be some signs that Hongyo feels lonely and downtrodden, if his paraphrased dialogue of “you were kind to someone like me” is an indication. Maybe he got shamed on for being an introvert?

I wouldn’t say Aki is completely bad as a person despite my complaints. I think at the very least, as an adult she learned to be kinder and caring towards other people, albeit her selfishness pops up every now and then when she realizes that kindness poises an advantage for herself. Once she combines this newfound consideration with her former confidence, sheds her methods of self-validation and learns some other lessons, I think she’d be a nice character to watch + her relationship with Hongyo can last longer

Forget the men for now, Aki, just continue your friendship with Akari and then pursue a romance. Akari’s forthright and somewhat positive nature are qualities I enjoy, and they should be a good influence on Aki - unlike someone else

While Hase’s feelings are genuine, the Aki he’s attracted to is the one who caters to his needs + the missing space where his mother is. As opposed to Akari, who encourages Aki to be more certain about herself (and likes Hongyo, of all things), Hase seems determined to keep Aki in his circle. If his words aren’t sweet nothings or the few times his emotions got the best of him, then he’s berating Aki/putting her down/feeding her doubt. None of that is positive reinforcement and it makes me think that Hase doesn’t want Aki to develop beyond who she is as a person. Putting him like this...he does sound manipulative, whether he likes it or not

Of course, Aki’s current lack of permanent change isn’t completely Hase’s fault - and people need time, maybe even decades, to learn lessons, that’s a given. I guess the story gives a realistic take on why unfixing ten years of bad habits/a way of thinking is difficult, but the sooner Aki takes a lesson to heart and keeps it there, the better. I’ll elaborate on that below

Edit: Upon reflection, I think it’s because I saw it as more of a “Aoi acting happy” scene that made me smile, but I’m still keeping this below section. That way the contrast between this part and my anger is present Aki’s delight in becoming official with Hongyo was actually pretty endearing >o< I have to say, I was smiling during that playground sequence and I ended up looking away when a crowd appeared in Aki’s imagination because that’s too much cringe for me XD

Okay, it veered into cringe when she greeted Hongyo like that. I don’t do well with forced aegyo (unless the person is naturally filled with it and can bring it out like second nature). But hey, she’s in love, and despite my conflicted feelings about her, I’m happy that she’s experiencing something bright in her life

But this also shows that her problems don’t go away with a click of a button

Now...the switch from Hongyo to Hase. Now we’re really up to date with the manga and reaching the grossest part of this story. Yes, it beats the premise. It does.

They cut out the scene (I only know about this part due to a friend), but the manga showed that unless Hongyo finishes his novel, he shouldn’t go near Aki. But when he does finish it, he can spend all the time he wants with her. You know who suggests this lovely idea? Taichi Hase. This sucker, seeing that his chances to get together with Aki are getting slimmer, did this so that he could use this chance to make moves on Aki. And since people who write know how tough writing is, it could’ve taken Hongyo years before he could touch Aki again

This bastard. I’m saying it. This bastard. Kousei did a good job but Hase, Hase - I really wanted to reach into the screen and punch Hase. Throttle him too.

He knows about Aki and Hongyo’s weaknesses. Aki’s well of self-validation has to be filled up regularly; Hongyo will keep his word regardless of how ridiculous or well-meaning it is. He orchestrated everything to make it look like his warnings to Aki were true, got her to “fall” for the better option aka himself - dude. That is grade S manipulation I disapprove of

This is like the time when Hase’s mother cut him off from friends because she thought it was best for him and his studies. Yes, Hase is a victim of verbal abuse; yes, the cycle repeated for him, whether he liked it or not; yes, this is the only way he knows how to work with people when things don’t go his way (and he was denied of the little things since he was a kid); and yes, I feel sympathetic for him. But this doesn’t excuse anything in this game he’s playing

I also think it’s because Kousei is playing him that Hase has a charm he originally didn’t have in the manga. He definitely had a more punch worthy face, that jerk

I also want to punch Aki :D

If you look at it both ways:

Aki’s feelings for Hongyo are genuine So let’s say she does indeed like him. She wanted to make the relationship work...for two weeks. Then Hase expresses his interest in her, she mentally tells herself this is the first time a guy has confessed to her - and what does she do? Break up with Hongyo and then move onto Hase the next morning. So her telling Hongyo off for being cold and not willing to communicate has its validity, but at the same time, she has no right to call him out. I think this makes her worse than Hongyo because at least he didn’t try to go to other girls when Aki kept backing out of things

Okay, at the time Hongyo and Aki weren’t in a relationship and the premise explicitly says he can only unfix the problem when Aki is around, so he (kind of) wouldn’t have been obliged to keep their arrangement...but still. If Hongyo had a ticket to punch Aki and Hase, I’d give him a full course menu and offer him fifty options

You can tell he knows what really happened, but just when he’s about to explain to Aki why he doesn’t want her to date Hase, she cuts him off. Karma for being passive about everything, down to apologizing for what happened when they were fourteen? Maybe. But Hongyo is really the character who can resolve this mess because not only do we know little about him, but the few times he does put a move, everyone is thrown off course. Even Akari doesn’t have the power to do this

And speaking of which, they really relegated this girl to a supporting main cast role, because she had a couple more scenes in the original manga -_-

I could even say we were warned with the third boyfriend. Yes, that dude was a jerk for cheating on Aki, but I found it strange from the beginning that she could dissolve her feelings of four years that quickly. I’m no relationship guru - I’ve been single for all nineteen years of my lifespan - but surely she needed more time to regain trust in people and heal from the breakup. But nope, we don’t get any of that. The same pretty much happened to Hongyo

Aki’s feelings were mistaken to be genuine As far as I know of, this girl can mix up her self-validation + comfort in finding attention with love. Maybe her breakup affected her perception, maybe she’s still naive about what it truly means to love someone...but gosh. She still doesn’t have the right to call out Hongyo. Feelings and thoughts don’t matter. She makes it obvious that she wants attention, especially since growing up and meeting people who shined brighter than her didn’t give her that chance. If I want to be that person, I’d say she’s even using her low self-esteem as an excuse to get flimsy flattery from other people. It’s a tactic I’m familiar with, but it never went to the point where I used someone’s feelings like this Anyway, she told Hongyo she liked him. Hongyo heavily implied that he was in love with Aki, maybe even more than the girl herself. They get together. Two weeks after, she breaks up with him and immediately dates Hase. What does this look like to Hongyo? A betrayal of trust. Aki proved she can’t be liked at this stage of her life + she pretty much toyed with Hongyo’s feeling + how can he even trust her to be alone when she goes to another guy for comfort, and not strictly for platonic reasons? Hase gave advice to Hongyo about the novel and somehow ended up being the one who Aki latched onto. Anyone with the IQ of a pea would know that Hase purposefully did this. Hongyo knows

As apathetic and eccentric and passive Hongyo is, this guy also has feelings. He honestly has every right to be hurt and angry

The reason why I hate playboys (I can kind of tolerate it if it involves a fictional character, but not completely) and cheating (even though the latter is a given) involves this: toying with feelings. Hase and Aki are both guilty of this. The result? This is the angriest I’ve ever been while watching this drama. It’s definitely one thing to date someone because you don’t want to ‘hurt their feelings’ if you rejected them (and let me say, that is a stink move)...and it’s another to break someone’s heart for your own personal gain

Kousei had two intimate scenes that involved kissing. A little awkward but that’s okay! Well done! ^o^

The first kiss when he picks up the soap, acts like he’s going to scrub his face, and so on? You’re activating the Keiichiro/Tsukasa and Keiichiro/Umika shipper in me, I’m claiming this as legit source material for my favourite boy and his love interests

If Keiichiro can bump into a pole after holding hands, this can totally happen

Maybe I am watching this drama for the kissing references lol

Hase had two intimate scenes that involved kissing. You jerk. Well done for making me want to bulldoze you

And finally...the disbanding of the sharehouse. Or at least, the potential disbanding. I’m glad this drama is reaching its end tbh

I still think they’re aiming for an open ending where Aki isn’t with Hase or Hongyo, but teases at them. This happened with the Takane to Hase adaption Asahi Ito played a supporting role in. I’m sure the same could apply to Kakafukaka

I actually don’t mind if Hongyo ends up with Akari now. Hase doesn’t deserve Hongyo’s friendship and Aki doesn’t deserve Hongyo’s love. Those two need to sort themselves out before trying anything in the future

This won’t happen [Akari getting Hongyo] but left swings out of the ball park are better than this mess. It’s amazing that it’s downplayed from the original manga honestly

[contrariancy]

liner notes for ‘reach’.

So, uh. When I write, whatever I write, I always keep a separate “notes” file with things like general plot points, timelines, stuff I’m debating putting in, cut things, and deleted/rewritten bits. And needless to say, the notes for reach got a little, well, long.

Some of the cut stuff I’m actually repurposing for an upcoming series (tentatively titled ‘iƒ’, based on branching points in ‘reach’), but even when I remove that, it’s a lot. So I figured I’d just dump them here and hopefully someone will find them interesting or what have you.

➤  this fic was how I coped with chapter 295; chapter 1 was written almost in its entirety before 296 came out. I acted cool on tumblr and twitter, but I was absolutely sweating bullets and fully prepared to write bizarre fix-it fic because I wanted it. After 296, I lost some steam, but I had a couple friends tell me they really liked the first chapter and thought it was a good concept. I’ve done enough "lost scene" fics that I wanted to try a new challenge and see if I could create an engaging AU fanfic.

Here is exactly what spawned this:

➤   there were a few rules I created for myself before I got started. The first one was that I couldn’t post anything until the fic was mostly done and once I started posting, that was a commitment to finish it. The second was minimal to no OCs — I had to bend this later with Bathin, but I compromised by making his power fear-based and having him take other forms.

The third rule was that any character introduced had to have some sort of role to play; they couldn’t be there just to "be there" and exist to boost up other characters. Zeal was the only character in it out of necessity, as Guila would have been written entirely differently if she didn’t have her brother with her. Even then, I tried to give him something that wasn’t "[X] in distress." I think the character that came closest to being that was Hendrickson, honestly.

➤ originally, Hendrickson was going to have a phone that he talked to and would have run into Dreyfus while exploring the city. I opted against this because I didn’t want to write any OCs in this and a phone counts. Also, it would be ten times more interesting to have him bounce off of Dreyfus instead of some phone that the reader does not care about. It was also important to me that Dreyfus get introduced as soon as possible, especially in a fic like this where the reader is being asked to accept something different from the top.

➤   Jericho and Howzer were not in the initial draft notes. Then I came up with the pair concept early on (after realizing there was a pattern with Guila-Zeal and Hendrickson-Dreyfus and I could play with that for the eventual Merlin reveal). Fraudrin was an actual character briefly before I decided that Fraudrin as a villain was kind of a tired thing; if I was going to write for him at this point, I would want to explore more of the shades of gray with his character, and this fic would not give me the time or leeway for that. So Howzer became Gil’s paired partner instead, also because I just wanted to write Howzer. Jericho offered the most opportunity for writing things, and I wanted to play her off of Hendrickson and Dreyfus.

➤   Merlin was always going to be the deus ex machina. Merlin was always a factor and always the only Sin I was going to put in. The only thing that changed is she went from sweeping in and completely taking out Bathin and Fixing Everything Ever to coming in for the assist at the end with her OP skills.

➤   Helbram is only in it because he was the first dead character I thought of as a potential partner for Zaratras. I wrote the first half of interlude 1 before anything else and I loved the odd couple pairing, so he stayed and became kind of essential. He’s also very fun to write for and I thought he would be an interesting contrast to the others.

➤   Bathin was going to originally be a straight up Fraudrin clone and just the entity Bathin using Fraudrin’s guise as a persona or whatever. Again, I decided Fraudrin as a villain was a tired thing at this point and having the villain just be Fraudrin again was a bit of a cop out, even if I really didn’t want to write any type of OC. Bathin is like Envy from Fullmetal Alchemist, later complete with Velvet Crowe from Berseria’s arm (which is. also Meliodas and Derieri and I went "oops oh well"). I liked the mental image of Margaret beating everyone up too, so that’s why that happened. It’s also because they’re the two figures in Hendrickson’s life that get possessed and Bathin poses as both of them.

Bathin was meant to be cruel but fun, like an animal that plays with its food. His downfall is his hubris! He thinks he’s on top — and it’s his world, why wouldn’t he think that? — so he doesn’t see anyone as a real threat. The unknown terrifies him though, and that’s why he was tearing his hair out over the 'interloper.' 

➤   ftr, Bathin is one of the many demons referenced in the Lesser Key of Solomon. I’d originally considered something else and even looked into a lot of Arthurian lore, but since Nakaba mines those for canon and I didn’t want to risk any overlap, I swerved in a different direction all together. 

➤   epilogue 1.0 is hot garbage, I started writing this before 296 came out and it was built on assumptions that thankfully turned out not to be true. I trashed it quickly and I like 2.0 much, much better. It’s embarrassingly bad though and this is why you edit, okay. Also, it focused solely on Hendrickson and Dreyfus when the fic did become an ensemble piece and therefore, the other characters deserved to get closure. Some of the sentence structure and imagery got cannibalized for the very last part of the new epilogue, though.

➤   most of the chapter titles stayed the same from the beginning; only chapter 5’s changed. It was originally "in which a good boy questions a demon’s fashion choices" which was a reference to Howzer switching sides and Bathin-as-Fraudrin stuff. Bathin shifted to chapter 6 entirely though, so it became less relevant. The placeholder title was 'in which lightning strikes twice’’ which is a reference to Gilthunder and Zaratras, but since Zaratras doesn’t actually fight in that one, it didn’t make sense.

Everything from here on is from my notes in my project file; the only things I’ve done are rearranged the order for clarity and expanded on shorthand, though there are a couple of italicized notes in parenthesis that I added in later. Some of it is pretty disjointed tbqh! I have a bad habit of not writing in order.

Like I said before, I do a notes file for pretty much anything I write, as it’s where I dump ideas so I don’t forget or move cut text to in case I decide I like the older version better later on (it’s happened). This one just got ridiculously large, so hopefully someone besides me gets a kick out of it.

General notes

Hendrickson wakes up in an apartment, everything is taken care of, wtf

maybe Zaratras has been there for a bit and they're like ARE WE DEAD?? and he's just all HA HA you better not be.

Zaratras is the guy who has just been there!! Forever!! He runs a bar.

Gil is from just before the Kingdom Infiltration arc, so he is just sad and tired all the time.

Howzer is from early and a good boy but also devoted to Dreyfraudrin so it’s like. ??? When he sees those two. He will bond with Hendrickson and this time it will be Hendy’s turn to be like hey. Come. It’s fine.

The ultimate goal with Gil and Howzer is basically attempting to make people whisper "who hurt you."

Merlin shows up in the end like hmm you were all pulled into a pocket dimension but don’t worry, you should be expelled right back into the timeline where you left. No big deal. Bye.

Helbram and Hendrickson kind of. They’re not OKAY but they realize they are both shitty people who were in an impossible situation. Helbram is the petty type, so he’s not really going to forgive him, but Hendrickson doesn’t need his forgiveness either. The two of them work together though because it’s the only way out

Helbram just dunks on Hendrickson constantly because of course he does

Guila is from the same period as Hendrickson and Dreyfus, but she has been there for months by the time they arrive. Zeal is there too because otherwise she’d destroy everyone and everything.

They come in pairs, from similar points in time?

Guila and Zeal are just before the holy war, around chapter 252. Team smartass gen z

Hendrickson and Dreyfus are post 266 / 285 or whatever. Team old man

Zaratras and Helbram are team post death. Team DEAD

Gil and super early bro Howzer who work for Dreyfraudrin. Team dumb boys

Jericho and Merlin. Merlin just lurks for ages, there should be hints about her from chapter 2 on then she’s like lol hi. Post 197 for Jericho, Merlin plays coy because who cares. After 197, Merlin senses Bathin and is like gimme. Team Jericho Broke Nothing

Bathin notes

It’s powered by a crystal that preys on their fears?? Hence Dreyfraudrin existing. Zaratras kind of knows what’s up because he can sense it, since the energy sort of started when he got there, the dude gained a form when Gil showed up, then power when Guila arrived and later Jericho, and now Hendy and Dreyfus sort of complete the collection. It’s their fears all manifested. Merlin has no impact on it though and actually weakened it because ha ha ha you think she has fears, that’s cute. (this shifted to Bathin’s true form being a crystal — I was trying to stick to my "no OC" rule.)

Beleth or Bathin, a fragment of the sangréal? <— too complicated, stick with Ars Goetia lore interpreted for nnt-land. (I think my plan here was some ancient artifact?? Like the sacred treasures. It got really complicated really fast which is no good.) Belialuin Bathinal

Bathin is a demon, its true form is the crystal, it feeds on fears and created the pocket dimension to try and regain a more viable physical form, the weakened state is why its legions are so weak.

But also Bathin feeds on fears and craves Hendrickson and the others’ fears of Fraudrin and everything, and when Bathin finally gets Hendy and is like aren’t you afraid?? He’s just. Yes. I am absolutely terrified. But because Dreyfus took the time to punch him in the heart repeatedly he’s not going to roll over, he has to keep going. Helbram also yells at him like HOW DARE YOU. YOU CAN’T. (This shifted to Jericho in chapter 5 so it could become a more solid arc in the end with the confrontation in 6. Helbram got his moment with Hendrickson and Guila instead and, later, his goodbye.)

Bathin appears like Dreyfraudrin and Margaret, so when they strike Fraudrin down and are like ok?? We good?? Margaret turns and cuts them?? You have until chapter 6 to decide. (it’s pretty obvious what I decided.)

Outline

Hendrickson is the perspective character. Only the interlude, which is Dreyfus-centric, isn’t. (The other two interludes were added as I was writing later on.)

Chapter 1: Hendrickson and Dreyfus and general scene setting. Chapter 2: They actually go around town, Guila and Jericho are super introduced, we get glimpses of Gil and Howzer and they kind of talk to the latter. Kind of. Chapter 3: They get to the bar where there’s a bartender that dresses like a mysterious knight, spooky scary etc etc. It’s Zaratras. Helbram is there, too. More on Gil, Howzer should be questioning. Hendrickson leaves Dreyfus at the bar, runs into Howzer on the way out. Interlude 1: Dreyfus figures out Hendrickson’s plan re: Ludociel. Interlude 2: Jericho and Guila on Helbram. Interlude 3: Howzer and Gilthunder. Chapter 4: The confrontation between Dreyfus and Hendrickson. Howzer crashes their place because of course he does. Chapter 5: The Dreyfraudrin chapter. Vs Gilthunder. Zeal will guide them; alluded to in chapter 3. Chapter 6: The source, Bathin, is revealed, Merlin shows herself. Epilogue: The end. "I’m going to make you see how wrong you are." —> this promise HAS to be fulfilled.

TIMELINE:

Five+ months — Zaratras and Helbram

Five months — Gilthunder and Howzer

Three months — Guila and Zeal

A week — Jericho and Merlin

~Days — Hendrickson and Dreyfus

Setting

Eighteenth Plaza — Bathin is the 18th Goetia. Based on Shibuya 109 on the outside.

Pub’s name — Wandering Knight, Silver Helm

Possible Combos - Shot Purge (Guila-Hendrickson) —> Holy Shot?

Flats are like a venus fly trap, lulling them into a false sense of security and complacency so Bathin can keep feeding off their fear?? Maybe it was and then Merlin showed up like lol hi.  (I dumped this because it overcomplicated things a lot; it just became very subtly and only partially implied in chapter 5 but ultimately not very important.)

Cut lines

Chapter Two: What the four of them manage to put together quickly — really, Guila and Hendrickson exchanging theories and ideas while Jericho and Dreyfus watch from across the booth in silent wonder, occasionally exchanging glances as if to say what is wrong with these two — is this: (I wish I could have kept the Jericho and Dreyfus bit, but it didn’t work. This was when they were in the booth, exchanging information.)

“Now hold on a minute, Gilthunder!” Dreyfus turns back to face him, squaring his shoulders. “This— this isn’t what you think! If it’s about M—”

It’s Hendrickson’s turn to yank Dreyfus back, hissing in his ear. “Don’t.” (I didn’t want to complicate it with Margaret. This was before I’d decided to have Bathin use Margaret as a guise as well, but I’d still cut it even if I knew.)

Chapter Five: “You should be.” Hendrickson counters, resting his hands on the back of the couch, leaning forward to look down at Helbram. “Because he brought you and Zaratras here before anyone else. It’s likely that he preys on the souls of the dead.” He pauses at that, glancing over at Guila who nods in agreement, before shifting his attention back to the fairy. “Even if we ��get out,’ you can’t just live here. Bathin will continue to eat away at your very spirit.” (there are several logical flaws in this that got cleaned up in the final version, which reads very similarly.)

“That should be plenty of time.” Guila pats at Zeal’s shoulder lightly. “Some of us won’t even need that much time, certainly.” (The scene was dragging on for too long and this was ultimately unnecessary. I tend to be really wordy and not know when to stop a scene, so I cut a lot for the sake of flow later on or rework things.)

“Especially since this isn’t Dreyfus’s field of expertise.” (This was cut from the conversation Hendrickson had with Zaratras -- about strategy -- because frankly, it isn’t true and even if it was, Hendrickson wouldn’t say something like that. I cut a lot of stuff like this where it works for the plot but doesn’t track with the character. editing good!!)

The screech of tires can be heard in the distance.

“Ah, I believe they’ve managed to find a vehicle!” (god I really wanted to put Zaratras commenting on grand theft auto in this, even if it made no narrative sense.)

Chapter Six: “Huh?” Jericho gives her a confused look before looking back over her shoulder, where Bathin and Gilthunder were battling it out hand-to-sword. “Yeah, I just— this place is starting to fall apart.”

“Yes, it is, which is why we need to be careful. If you could provide a distraction—”

“Oh!” She snaps her fingers in response. “Yeah, okay, I can do that!” (Jericho was a bit too passive here and it was difficult to transition to the next beat. I reworked it in the final version.)

“Be careful. He’s using his weight as a weapon.” (This was somewhere in phase two of the Bathin fight. I was trying to set the character apart from other demons that they’ve fought, but this was too expository. Hopefully, the sentiment got across in description and whatnot and if not, uh. Oops.)

As he pulls away, flying off towards solid ground, the ice begins to audibly crack. Hendrickson stares up at it, almost resigned in a way. “So this is it,” he murmurs to himself, watching the cracks spider-web their way along the platform (I removed this and tweaked the final paragraph because it didn’t quite line up with Hendrickson’s character in this, especially given the turning point that comes only a paragraph or two later. That one line doesn’t line up with the rest of his arc in the entire fic; I was trying to make it obvious that the ice was cracking and wasn’t going to hold, but uh. This was not the way to do it.)

As an amicable silence falls between them — a far cry from the silence that lingered the last time he took this elevator up — (The transition in the elevator was hard.)

Gilthunder clenches a fist. “That’s exactly why I can’t forget. If I—” He swallows hard. (A lot of stuff gets cut because I start typing and can’t figure out where to go with it. It just didn’t work in the sequence and was too emotional for Gilthunder’s canon point.)

“By the way, have you seen Helbram?” (Zaratras was going to ask about Helbram as well, but that would have dragged the pacing down. Besides, I’d like to think that after their time together, Zaratras ‘gets’ Helbram on some level and knows he’d want to head out on his own terms.)

The orange hue fades into the black of the night, growing brighter and brighter with every passing moment, much like the world around them. And then, it reaches a point where it becomes blindingly bright, like a warmth washing over all of them at once. And then—

And then—  (Did you know that this was basically the same format I used to end the pentultimate section of another fic because I sure didn’t until I just so happened to reread it before posting this one. god. damnit.)

Epilogue:

“I’m getting better, right?”

Jericho looks over her shoulder at Hendrickson, then gestures at a small patch of ice in front of her. The druid glances between her and the patch, looking mildly uncertain. “It’s progress,” he admits after a moment.

“You should have seen it the other day, though!” She stomps her foot. “Sir Dreyfus told me I had a lot of potential. (This was originally how Jericho’s epilogue was going to start. It didn’t seem right for her though, especially given the ‘reset’ tone, so I cut it and started from scratch. This would potentially work if it was Dreyfus, but not Hendrickson.)

Detailed chapter breakdowns

Chapter 3: Helbram is disguised, Zaratras is in his armor, it’s a pub and they’re INCOGNITO ok. Helbram spills a drink on Hendrickson like an asshole before the reveal. They figure out that the bartender and server aren’t on the same “script” as the NPCs.

CHAPTER 4 ends with them meeting up with Guila and Jericho, Guila is like this is Bathin, the Eighteenth Duke of the Demon Realm.

CHAPTER 5 is the big planning chapter + infiltrating and fighting Gilthunder. At the end, Bathin’s legions converge on Eighteenth Plaza and Dreyfus stays behind to stop them. Zaratras helps, brothers!! They can have a sad scene with Hendy.

CHAPTER 6 will have a big fight scene in it, this needs to be carefully blocked and mapped out. (narrator voice: it was not carefully blocked and mapped out.)

THE PLAYERS

Bathin — via Dreyfraudrin and Margaret. A lot of darkness, demon powers, fear manipulation. Teleportation? Dreyfraudrin has strength, Margaret has Velvet Crowe-esque hand bs? Dark tendrils, like a cat’s tail.

Hendrickson — Purge, Acid. Purge can weaken Bathin’s power. Dreyfus — Break, Full Size. Full Size might be too much for the building. Dreyfus and Zaratras could hold off Bathin’s legions? Guila — Explosion. Combo with Hendrickson at one point. Jericho — Ice Fang. Someone can get thrown out the elevator at some point and Jericho uses ice to extend a platform and keep them from falling. Eventually uses ice to root Bathin in place so she can PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!!! Howzer — Tempest. Gilthunder — Thunderbolt. Short circuits the electronics? Helbram — plays his part disguised as Gil to get everyone in, fucks off partway through. Returns to yell at idiots. (This plan was too complicated; what I settled on works better character-wise and narratively speaking.) Zaratras — Great Thunder. Works with Dreyfus to hold off Bathin’s THIRTY DEMON LEGIONS so the others can take him.

Merlin — Infinity. She needs Bathin to be weakened and have his guard down to strike, which is why she slinks in the background and waits. Probably steps in after they’ve done that but Bathin is like YOU FOOLS!! Etc etc. Uses infinity to keep the Holy Shot effect goin’ (see above notes about Merlin)

THE SETTING

Top floor of Eighteenth Plaza. There’s the massive office, the long hallway, and the elevator. This is the main area for Bathin.

In the lobby, Zaratras and Dreyfus will take on Bathin’s legions of demons after freeing Gilthunder from his influence.

Guila and Hendrickson get thrown out the glass elevator window, Jericho creates an ice shelf that they cling to, Howzer and Gil work on keeping Bathin busy while Helbram flies out and grabs Guila at Hendrickson’s urging. Hendrickson falls.

Small brief flashback to super young Hendy and Jenna? A call back to being shown how wrong he is. Jenna’s just like LOOK YOU’LL BE FINE, YOU NEVER LIKED IT HERE ANYWAY!! Gosh you’re such a dour kid sometimes, geez, but don’t worry, someone’ll show you how wrong you are someday.

Full Size Dreyfus catches him because gratuitous yes.

Bathin is unfair but so is Merlin.

. . . and that’s it! Hopefully that was interesting to someone and if not, uh. I’m very sorry. Thank you for reading!  🙏

[mao-s-mess]

Graduation ~Yoosung x MC fanfiction~

Yoosung Kim is only a month away to taking his finals exam in SKY University but MC starts acting suspicious during such a critical moment

Also on Fanfiction.net

Graduation Yoosung x MC fanfiction Disclaimer: All Mystic Messenger characters belong to Cheritz I didn't describe MC in detail so it could be any of the 5 MCs or your very custom ones! "MC! Come on!" a boy in his early 20s with bleached blonde hair and purple-coloured hair whined with a face of disappointment.

"No 'buts'. Your parents and sister also agree this is for the best. It is after all your finals." his girlfriend, MC; said sternly as she toss a bunch of the blonde's clothes into a luggage bag that was laid out on his bed.

Yoosung Kim crossed him arms and frowned at his girlfriend as she busily goes through his wardrobe.

In about a month's time, he will be seating for his final year examination in Veterinary medicine and what has been suggested and pretty much decided for him is that he and MC will be switching houses for the next month.

"Look, when you get pressured or stressed you tend to distract or 'de-stress' yourself with sleep or LOLOL or you start stress cooking. You're too comfortable in your own home so staying at mine where there's nothing much to do will be the best for you"

She was reaching for the last drawer when he frantically ran over and held it shut with his hands.

"I'll pack my underwear myself thank you!" he insisted as his ears and cheeks turned red.

MC raised her hands and backed away from his cabinet as he selected his underwear to pack.

"I know that's where you keep your por-"

"What?"

"I- i said don't forget to pack your SOCKS."

He nodded and threw in a few pairs of socks into the luggage looking very annoyed. His breathing was irregular; deep huffs but elongated exhales, a habit he has when he wants to say something but haven't found the words yet.

As much as MC found this habit of his adorable she had to stay serious. She knew oh so well he hated things planned out for him without his knowledge or approval but the exam stress has already gotten to him and it was only a matter of time before he has a breakdown and turns to his "can't be bothered" persona.

She walked up behind him and wrapped her arms across his torso; she felt his body tensing up as she did so. She didn't need to see his face to know he was blushing at her sudden action. She smiled as she buried her face into his back.

"MC?!" he flustered waiting for a response. When he recovered from the surprise hug, he placed his own hands over hers. He could feel her breath against his back as he looked down at her arms around him.

She wasn't that much older than him and just finished her university course shortly before she stumbled upon the RFA.

When MC came into the picture, it was probably the worst time for him; he was blinded from his grief of losing Rika, major hatred towards V, was lost with his directions in life as well as had difficulty handling his emotions but she accepted all that of him and even more; she helped him out of that phase in his life.

It has been about 2 years after the incident where he lost sight in his left eye at the hands of the hacker who called himself Unknown but the two have been inseparable since the party where he proclaimed his love and kissed her then and there.

It certainly wasn't an easy relationship being Yoosung's first and he had a rather fairytale concept and expectations of how a relationship should be. He realized the hard way that you either have to be seriously rich, like Jumin Han to pull a lot of things off or have magic and he had neither.

As for MC, it was a major test of patience and constant game of reassuring for Yoosung. She didn't have a relationship as serious as this before but both of them have managed to worked things out together even though they quarreled here and there.

"I just want what's best for you.." her voice muffled from burying her face into his back.

"Okay.." he responded in a defeated tone.

He turned around to give her a kiss on the forehead, when they first dated, he wasn't that much taller than her but he started participating in some sports and also joining Zen on some runs in the park outside Zen's place so he grew a bit, definitely more physical activity than when he was just playing LOLOL when he wasn't eating or at Uni.

"You're doing this because I'm important to you right?" he said with a small smile as he placed her palm against his cheek.

"You're number 1 to me!" she flashed the smile that he loves so very much.

"Meowww~"

Lisa, the cat they adopted together from Jumin 2 years ago nuzzled up against Yoosung's leg.

MC bend down to pick up Lisa to cradle her.

"Lisa's a close second tho, we're both rooting for you!"

Yoosung scratched Lisa behind her ear as she purred.

"Okay fine... I'll do it. I'll spend a month in your place for the finals... Thank you for thinking about me."

"Thank you! I've already asked Seven to help with your LOLOL. Either he plays your account or he'll assign a bot to it"

"A BOT?! I don't want to get banned! I'm currently number 1! I've only managed to beat Seven because he's always away on assignments now"

"Banned? Please. This is Luciel we're talking about. How bold of you to think he'll screw this up, this is a walk in the park for him."

"...Fine... i have lots of important gears there you know..."

"I know how much LOLOL is important to you. It was number 1 for you before I came along ;p " she said cheekily as she looked around for more things to pack.

"Okay okay.. can we have dinner and dates at times?"

"Yes of course! We'll play by ear as usual around your schedule"

"Okay.. how about next week, Wednesday then? I'm free the whole day"

MC froze up.

...?

"Uhm.. next Wednesday.. is no good... I have a meeting with Jaehee about uhm some part time event work thingy"

There it was. A habit Yoosung knows very well.

MC can't hide secrets or tell lies very well. On the Messenger and texts it's not so much of a problem. It's the face to face and phone calls that gives it away, she'll start to avoid eye contact and stutter.

"What are you hiding?"

"NO-NOTHING!" she waved her hands furiously as she went to grab more shirts from Yoosung's cupboard.

"I just have a meeting planned with Jaehee that is all! About some part time work thingy-YEA!"

Yoosung's brows scrunches up.

"And that's the reason you want me to bug her phone?" A boy not that much older than Yoosung with bright reddish orange hair and amber-coloured eyes asked with raised eyebrow.

Luciel Choi aka 707 was the RFA's secret agent/hacker/nonsense maker. He has a love for fast cars, cats, honey buddha chips and dr pepper. Yoosung came over (after a few attempts of trying to decipher Seven's security system) because MC hasn't revealed any plans on her day with Jaehee and that just made even more suspicious especially since her fabrication details keep changing.

First it was a meeting then it was a shopping trip and then it was a Zen fanclub related outing and then she said she was meeting family.

"She's not telling me anything. She usually does in the end"

"Maybe she's trying to keep something from you"

"We're not suppose to keep secrets! It's bugging me so yes that's why i want you to bug her phone so I can find out. What if she's not meeting Jaehee, what if- what if-"

Seven slapped a packed of Honey Buddha Chips across Yoosung's face (semi lightly) as he had chips in his own mouth, shaped like a duck.

"You realized this is MC. The woman who put up with your emotional ass even after you keep comparing her to Rika. If she didn't abandon you then, what makes you think she'll abandon you now"

Yoosung bit his lips. He knew Seven was right, words stung but he was definitely right. MC cheating on him would be the last thing she'd ever do. He felt bad doubting her for that option.

"I still want to know what she's hiding from me though"

"Ugh. You'll never leave until you get something anyway. So what's in it for me"

"That LOLOL limited edition gacha item you couldn't get because the event happened when you went incognito 2 months ago."

Seven's mouth opened and his duck chips fell out.

"WHAT... ARE YOU SERIOUS. PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY AUCTIONING THAT OFF FOR REAL MONEY"

"You can have it. I also got the rare one too"

Seven did an impression of Edvard Munch's The Scream. He was that much in shock.

"If i take it i can sell it for real money too?"

"Do whatever you want with it"

"Even to buy new accessories for my babies?"

"Wait-can it be auctioned off that much?"

"NO TAKE BACKS. Do we have a deal? Your LOLOL rare item for an all access day pass to MC's phone"

"Do it."

"YAHOO~ LET'S DO IT THEN" he swiveled around on his chair to face his monitors and starting tapping away at the keyboard.

"Tapping into her GPS location... Done.. She's at a cafe not too far off from the C&R building.. Let me just pull up one of the security camera feed and... THERE. "

Yoosung leaned over towards the monitor and sure enough there was MC.

"OHMYGOSH WHO IS THAT A HOT GUY SHE'S WITH" Seven exclaimed.

Yoosung heart leaped and started panicking as he scanned the monitor in depth.

"Oh. LOL. My bad. That's just Jaehee. 8D "

It was Yoosung's turn to slap Seven with the Honey Buddha Chips packet across the face; sure enough MC was with another RFA member, Jaehee Kang; personal assistant to Jumin Han.

He breathed a sigh of relief.

The two girls seems to be chattering away happily when MC's face turned serious as she put her cup of coffee down.

"Can we listen in on them" Yoosung asked as he tries to read their lips but failing.

"Okay okay..." Seven said as he starting clicking away at the keyboard again.

Some feedback could be heard on the speaker when MC and Jaehee's voice came on.

---

Jaehee: So what was it you wanted to talk about? And why are we keeping a secret about this from Yoosung?

MC: Well... cos it's embarrassing really..

Jaehee: Embarrassing? With how you two are always at each other, showering cringe-worthy compliments and texts? How can anything be embarrassing?

MC: Heehee...

MC clapped both her hands together suddenly in a pleading manner.

MC: JAEHEE TEACH ME HOW TO MAKE A GOOD CUP OF COFFEE PLEASE

Jaehee: What. Why me. And Yoosung learned how to brew coffee from his coffee club, wouldn't that be better?

MC: But you have more in depth info on it.. You are passionate about the beans and the roast.

Jaehee: A month ago you asked Mr. Han for a private cooking session with his chef. Then you were looking around for some classes on baking.. Now coffee from me? What's going on.

MC fidgeted and looked down, her face turning red.

MC: Well... I'm trying to be a good girlfriend for Yoosung.

Jaehee: I don't understand, aren't you already a good one? He can't stop raving about you.

MC: To be honest, he doesn't show it but he's doing most in the relationship. He'll insist on cooking and he's always trying out new recipes, he also insists on being the one paying for dates even though he isn't working yet, he saves up a lot for our dates. I try to help but his ego won't allow me to take some of that burden away, he believes as the man in the relationship, he's got duties to fulfill.

At this point a warm smile came across her face.

MC: He's giving his all to become a vet when he didn't have any motivation or purpose before; medical isn't an easy line and he's working extra hard because of his left eye injury too and he'll be so busy soon getting that license and practical and all.. I don't know...

MC blushes as she took another sip of her drink before she continued

MC: I just... I want to do more than just offer words of support to him. I want to support him as much as I can even something as little as cooking for him or preparing a cup of coffee when he needs it. I'll be looking for work soon so that I don't seem like a bum that is leeching off him.. So at least I can help our wit the groceries or bills and transport fees and all.. And probably save up for trips for when he gets a break and stuff... I just... I just want to do more for him you know?

Jaehee gave a small giggle as she slid her fork through the slice of cake in front of her.

Jaehee: You're really something.. Always having such a positive attitude towards the face of change. Or danger.

Jaehee shuddered at the memory.

Jaehee: I hope that bomb is finally removed.

MC and Jaehee laughed at that remark as they continued on.

---

Back at Seven's headquarters (?), Yoosung stood stunned at the conversation he just eavesdropped on.

After a while, tears welled up in his eyes and he turned furiously red in the face.

"Whoa. You're as red as my hair" Seven said as he grabbed his phone to snap a photo of Yoosung's crying face.

"You-you meanie. Whydyouhabtotakeapicturofme"

"Can't understand you. SELFIE" He grabbed Yoosung by the shoulder and snapped another photo before he ruffled up Yoosung's bleached hair.

"You realize how frickin' blessed you are now? Now go and study hard for that examination of yours. If not for Rika, If not for yourself then make it for your future with her."

Yoosung rubbed his eyes with the sleeves of his beloved hoodie. Another renewed resolution for himself.

Half a year later the RFA gathered at Yoosung's graduation ceremony at SKY university

"To think that kid didn't bothered with uni in the beginning, I didn't even know he was taking a course like veterinary" Zen said as he occasionally stopped to smile and wave at some female fans. His career as a musical artist soared beyond the stage and onto television in the past few years. That also meant more fans.

"Well he did it for Rika at first because of Sally..." V stated as he was adjusting the settings on his camera to ensure he doesn't miss any shots of Yoosung. Much to persistence of his fellow RFA members, he managed to receive an operation on his right eye to stop him from going blind. He slowly started to take photographs again.

"He always did perform better if it's for someone else but it is rather surprising that he graduated at the top of his class and is chosen as the valedictorian." Jaehee said as she scanned through the graduation event schedule.

"He worked really really hard! His parents and sister are in the front, i saw them just now. They're so so proud!" MC said proudly.

"Indeed he did, his results were so superb it caught wind from one of our medical panel and they've offered him a position in one of our hospitals to undergo private practice so his future is secured as of now" Jumin Han spoke in his usual tone of voice. "I did not even need to put in any word of recommendation."

"I managed to retrieve my number 1 spot in LOLOL again because of this, he stopped religiously for the past few months" Seven said as he took a sip from a can of Dr. Pepper.

"It was nice of him to invite all of us. I know 2 tickets were allocated but you can purchase additional tickets for everyone else." Zen said as he posed for some girls who were trying to sneak a photo of him.

"Oh i paid for it. C&R is a major sponsor for the graduation, which is why we have such good and somewhat private seating" Jumin stated as he adjusted his cuff links.

"Tch. You just had to ruin it" Zen glared at the trust fund kid. Their relationship, as usual; have seen better days.

"I think it's great we're all here though" MC said happily.

"Yea, Jaehee and I weren't there for his high school one and we got to make sure we get proper smiling one for today!" Seven said with determination.

"Oh, it's starting" V said as he readied his camera, he brought his best zoom lens for this as the crowd quieted down.

Professors and head of programmes gave their welcome speeches before the calling of graduates, there were a lot of names being called out. The RFA cheered and clapped loudly when Yoosung's name was read out.

Yoosung walked proudly onto stage as he tipped his graduation cap to the head of programme upon receiving his degree and posing for a picture. A proud moment for him and those who were there for him. They all waited for the rest of the graduates to receive their degrees before Yoosung was called to stage to deliver the valedictorian speech.

"An-nyŏng-ha-se-yo! My name is Yoosung Kim and I am honoured to be delivering the Valedictorian speech this year."

A round of applause roared across the hall as the his Amethyst eyes scanned the crowd for the RFA and his beloved.

"It's really an honour because I wasn't always a model student. Well I was in high school but something happened that made me not take the first 2 years of university seriously."

"You see, I failed my exams and sometimes I'd fall asleep in class. I'd forget days where there are quizzes and had almost no motivation to come to class, I would often skip classes to play LOLOL."

"However, there were people who did not give up on me and I am thankful that I was given another chance to pick myself up. I knew I had to put in the extra effort as I wasted the first two years despite having an accident that caused me to lose sight, literally; in my left eye. It wasn't easy that is for sure but because of this 2nd chance, I did the best I could in all classes and I guess it showed with my results and also the fact that I was chosen as the Valedictorian. "

"What I'm trying to say is, sometimes in life we'll get lost and we don't perform our best, we fall and fail and when that happens, it feels like you're surrounded by darkness but I know of a saying, "Fall seven times, get up eight". There is a light in all of us, sometimes you'll find it yourself but most times you are assisted by outsiders to help you realise your potential. I have friends and family inside and outside the uni that had my back, professors who saw my efforts in getting better helping me out and most of all, I have a wonderful and supportive girlfriend that stood by my side and I'm really thankful for that. It was because of her that I felt that i could do anything and everything I set my heart into."

"This kind of feels déjà vu-ish" Zen said as he listened intently to Yoosung's speech.

"SKY University never gave up on their students and i am proof of that. So fellow students and friends, we tip our hats to our Professors, to our family and friends that have supported us but most of all, give yourself a pat on the back because we made it!"

He ended his speech with a word of congratulations to the students and wishing them the best in their future before walking off the stage with a round of applause tailing him. As soon as he got off the stage he nodded to his family before running off to meet the members of the RFA.

He was congratulated by every member but his eyes were fixated on MC.

"Congratulations on graduating!" MC said as she threw her arms around him when she had the chance to.

Yoosung blushed and gave a cheeky grin.

"Who'd have thought I'd be chosen to deliver that speech!"

"Not us" said almost all of the RFA in unison in less than a split second.

"YOU GUYS ARE MEAN!" Yoosung said with a puffed up cheek before breaking into laughter with the rest of the RFA.

"I'd like to personally thank every one of you for being here and for never giving up on me when I wasn't bothered with uni."

Then he turned to MC

"Most of all, thank YOU for coming into my life and blessing me with all of you. I graduated from uni but I feel like I have also graduated from my old self with the end of this chapter in my life. It's time to move on with the next chapter and I feel like I can take anything on as long as you are by my side. "

"So..."

He held her hand when he suddenly kneel down on one knee to everyone's surprise and took out a small box from underneath his robe and opened it to reveal a ring.

"MC, will you please marry me and make me an even happier person than I thought I could ever be?"

THE END

[xroguex1027]

Bread Pudding Doesn’t Like Julian (Un edited)

Just a little sicfic about how Julian can’t let his sister down even at the expense of his own guts.

JulianXMC(No gender), Platonic Pasha 

May have emetaphobia triggers although nothing happens. I’m new at stuffing fics, it’s a newly discovered guilty pleasure so bare with me.

Portia loved proving herself to her brother almost as much as she loved fussing over him. Sometimes she would bake for him or be his therapist but today she realy wanted to impress him with the new recipe she had found.

Julian didn't want to say it but Pasha's bread pudding wasn't as good as the grandmas. It was runnier and intoxicatingly sweet. The first bowl wasn't sitting right in his stomach. But he did have a habit of not eating enough. It very well could be that he was just out of practice. 

“Mph-it’s good pasha” Julian choked. 

“You really think so?” Pasha asked clasping her hands in hopeful delight.

“It’s really erm-sweet.” Julian took a long sip of his tea in an effort to cool the sugary heat in his throat.

“If you like it you can have some more.” Pasha offered excitedly. 

Julian couldn’t turn his sister down. She had worked so hard to find and make this recipe. The two of them had loved it as kids. It had a been special treat the grandmas made just for the two of them. Maybe it was the heaping spoonful of nostalgia but deep inside he felt something starting to ache. 

He couldn’t tell her it was turning his stomach though, Pasha would think it was her fault.

 “How could I say no?” He asked. If only he knew the answer.

Pasha hurried to the stove with his empty bowl and spooned out a generous second helping seeing how much her brother liked it and sat it down in front of him.

“I almost forgot!” Pasha cried. “I made muffins to go with it.”

She jammed on her mitts and eagerly retrieved the crumbly pastries from the oven’s warm belly. Then she took one piping hot muffin and plopped it on top of Julian's bread pudding.

He had to guzzle his tea between bights to help the pudding down. 

“Aren’t you gonna try the muffin?” Pasha asked hopefully.

“Oh, I was-just uh-going to save it for tomorrow. You know busy day might not get a chance to go to the market for lunch.”

“Oh don’t worry about that, there is plenty enough for you to take some home with you.”

 His stomach made a strange rumble he hadn’t heard since his first time aboard a ship. Thank god he had found his sea legs since then.

“See listen to how hungry you are.” Pasha insisted. 

“Pasha I-”

“You really don’t eat enough. Listen to it. Feed me, Julian! Feed me!” Her impression of his stomach was almost as unsettling as the pudding inside it.

There was no getting out of this one. She was going to watch him until that entire muffin was gone. 

Julian forced himself to take a large bite out of the muffin, the faster he ate it the faster it would be over with. It was thick, and he could feel it squeeze down his throat and sit in his chest before sinking to the pit of his stomach.

He tried to cover a hiccup with a satisfied sound.

“See told you, you would like it.” Pasha smiled. 

He used the last bite of the muffin to sop up the rest of the pudding. As he tried to swallow he could feel his throat tightening. 

“Here have some more.” Pasha insisted. She was so excited by how much Julian seemed to like this pudding. 

“I don’t think I-” 

But before he could finish Pasha had shoved another muffin into her brother’s mouth. 

“Here this one is cinnamon flavored.”

It actually was pretty good, Julian would have really enjoyed it had his stomach been a little less moody. He wasn’t sure how it happened or what Pasha had said to guilt him into eating so much but five bows of pudding and three muffins later he was cradling his gurgly belly under the table.

UUURRRRRRGGGGGGLLLLLEEEEEERRRRRRRRR

“What was that noise?”Pasha asked.

If she knew his stomach was still roaring she would keep feeding him. and he felt guilty rejecting her again. 

“I think it was Pepe,” Julian said choking back a sugary burp.

“Of course it’s his feeding time,” Pasha remembered and immediately went to the cupboard to find some cat treats. The little seal faced feline rubbed against her hip scarf with pathetic desperation. 

“They’re supposed to be good for his digestive system, yes they are.”

Pasha scooped Pepe into her arms and began to nuzzle him as she fed him a little treat from the cheesecloth pouch.

Help with digestion sounded pretty good to the doctor. He sure could some right now.

“Pasha, you wouldn’t have any more tea would you?” He rasped.

“Hmm let me check,” Pasha said thoughtfully climbing up on her footstool to open the cabinet. “Oh dear.”

“It’s alright.” Julian winced discreetly soothing his stomach under the table.

RRRRRRRRGGGGGGLLLLLL

“Pepe I already fed you.” Pasha sighed.

GGGUUUUULLLLLRRRRRRBBBBLLLLLL

“Hang on, that’s not Pepe, that’s you!” Pasha quickly grabbed her brother's empty bowl and began to refill it. “Why didn’t you tell me you were still hungry.”

“Actually I’m er-getting a little full,” Julian admitted. He could feel his stomach pushing into the table. The edge of it digging into his tinder abdominals.

“You could never be full Ilya” Pasha assured him “You’re so tall everything goes right to your knees.”

“As a doctor, I can assure you that’s far from the basics of human anat ~urp~ anatomy.”

Pasha’s retort was interrupted by a little knock at the door. “That must be MC,” she squealed. “Why don’t you answer it, Julian, I’m sure they’re here to see you.”

Julian groaned and pushed himself out of his chair. Bloated, nauseous feelings hit him tenfold when he stood up. The jacket he was wearing squeezed him in all the wrong places. With some relief, he unbuttoned it and hung it on the back of his chair. He fixed his shirt which had started to rise up over the food baby he felt like he was about to have. 

UUUUULLLLLLGGGGGGGLLLLLLLRRRRRRRPPPP

“Yea I know, I know, just not in front of MC.” Julian whispered to his belly.

He placed a hand over his bubbly gut in hopes of stifling the incessant rumbling.  Julian swallowed hard as he opened the door, MC  swept him into a hug that he immediately regretted. He had done pretty well at keeping all he had eaten down, until now. However, he managed to keep his cool as MC released their embrace. 

“Hic~good to see you too MC.” 

MC laughed “What smells so good?” They asked.

“Ah, that would be Pasha’s bread pudding.” He then leaned down by their ear far enough away that he could hide his breath. “I wouldn’t trust it if I were you. I’ve found less questionable things at the red market.”

MC gave him a look. “Is it really that bad?”

“My stomach has fared better after eating year old bread while in a rowboat on he edge of whirl pool .”

“You’re so dramatic.” MC smirked. 

“Trust me, if she offers you any don’t eat it. I don’t know how her stomach can handle it.” 

UUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLPPPPP “Excuse me.” Julian sheepishly bit his lip. The belch had snuck up on him like a certain courtier.

“Feel better?” MC asked playfully.

He didn’t realy. In the middle of his release he had stopped it to hold it in. Not infront of MC. Any uncontralable gassious displays were too humiliating, even if they did temporarily put his stomach at ease.

When they sat down at Portias little coffee table she imediatly offered the rest of the bread pudding to MC. 

“I uh-I just ate.” Mc bluffed.

“Oh that’s a shame. This stuff doesn’t keep to well I’de hate for it to go to waste.” Pasha gave a little pout as she emptied the ladle back into the pot.

Julian could stand the dissapointment on his sisters face. He realy didnt want ther to feal like noody liked her food, and he felt guilty for telling MC not to eat it. Besides after that bealch made a little more room in his belly.

“I’ll eat it.” He said before he could stop himself. So Pasha split the remaining four bowls worth between the two of them. Pepe ofcourse helped her finish hers.

Julian struggled more with each sickningly sweet sticky spoonfull. He was trying so hard not to gag infront of his sister. Every spoonfull brought him closer to his inevitable demise. Surely his stomach would explode.

With a subtle glance he noticed in alarm how much his gut was protruding. A small globe stretched tight as a canvas. 

Seven, seven bowls of Pasha’s mystery pudding, three muffins, and about five cups of tea were all angerly swirling in his stomach. 

“Oh Ilya, I forgot, I started growing peaches.” Much to Julian’s horror she pulled a crate full of plump fruit seemingly from out of nowwhere. “I picked this one special for you.” 

She held up the largest and juciest peach. It was kind, but he would have apreciated it so much more had stomach not been so over stuffed.

“Thanks Pasha, That’s so ~hic~thoughtful.” Julian sluggishly bit into the peach. He could hardly chew it.

“I’m sorry I can’t” he moaned. “If I eat anymore my stomach is going burst and I’ll die.” Julian shook his head holding the peach far away from him. He couldn’t look at it.

“Oh stop being so dramatic.” Pasha scoughed. “You just don’t usualy eat like a normal person so you don’ t realise how hungry you actualy are.”

“Um pasha-” Mc started, “I think Julian might be getting a little”

But Julian had allready gone back to his task of eating one last thing. That’s what did him in.Inorder  to finish the entire pieach he had to keep his eyes closed.Seeing it was hard enough but the taste and swmell was almost enough to spill his guts. Everybight struggled to make it to his stomach the last one almost didn’t. 

Oh God. What had he done? Julian clutched at his stomach under the table with his sticky hands. His belly was the size of a small mixing bowl. Ghostly sounds echoed inside. 

“Did you like it?” Pasha asked.

“It was great.” Julian weezed. 

Luuuuuuuurrrrrrrrggggggggglllllllllllllllllllllluuuuuuuurrrrrgggglllleeeeerrrrgggg Julian gave his vengeful guts a defeated little pat.

“Oof. Well I don’t know about you guys but I sure need some excercise afte that . I’m going to the Grden, you guys are welcome to stay in here and make out or whatever.” Pasha chortled.

As the door closed behind her Julian face planted into the table.

“Somthing tells me you don’t want to make out.” Mc said.

“I always want to make out.” Julian told the wood grain. 

A melodic rumble filled his over satiated gut and he clutched at it despratly.

“I think I just ate everything in Vesuvia.” He groaned. 

Mc walked over to him and gently began to rub his back in little circles. 

“You okay?” They asked.

“I feel a little ~hic~woozy” 

“Do you need to lie down?” MC asked.

Probably not a bad idea. Wincing, he managed to sit upright and his stomach narrated his every movement on his way over to the couch. He crossed his arms infront of him and lowered himself to his knees as the sharp pain of a cramp shot through his insides. “Ugh.” Julian hugged himself tighter and layed his head on the couch. 

“Are you gonna be sick?” Mc asked nervously.

“No I-I it’s embarassing realy.”

“What is it?” MC asked.

“I erm I’ve got that feeling like my gastro intestinal system is...sorry doctor terminology I uh-I think I’de feel better if could burp up some of the gass ive got in my stomach but I don’t ~hic~ I don’have anything effervecent enough.” 

“Try swallowing some air.” MC suggested gently.

“I-uh okay.” Julian took a big gulp of air and swalowed hard but it just dissapated in his stomach with an agitated growl. “Oof that didn’t feel so good MC.” He winced. “It’s fine I’ll just ride it out.” 

“Maybe try a different position. Can you get on your back?”

Julian heaved himself onto the couch and rolled over onto his back. His belly slaushing like a snow globe as he flipped over.

“OOft.” Now that he had jostled the acidic content of his stomach a bit he felt a little worse. He swallowed harder this time but the gulp just exacerbated his stomach ache. “Sorry you have to see me like this” He choked lifting up his shirt. Even the light weight of his lose fitting shirt was too much for his tinder gut.

“I’m not.” Mc said watching him pull his shirt off.

Julian gave a smirk and rolled over onto his side as seductively as he could. 

llllluuuurrrrrbbbblleeeeuuurrrbbblleeeuurrbbb

Julian glared at his stomach. “Oh very poetic.” He said dryly.

“Was that a sonat?” MC asked. 

“Not enough sylables, more like a-”

Guuurrrrbbblellleebbbbllll

“Limrick.” He finished with a note of salt in his voice.

“Here come lay down with me.” Julian patted the empty spot on the couch beside him.

“I don’t want to hurt your stomach.” MC said with concern. 

“Ah but it might help if you rub it a little. Trust me MC I’m a doctor.”

As Julian rolled back into his original position Pepe lepped onto his distended belly causing him to flinch.

“Ohhhh-ho-ho easy Pepe.”  Julian groaned. “I’m not feeling so peachy.” He grimaced at his own unintentional pun. Pepe had begun to kneed his stomach.

Mc scooped up the mischievous little cat and sat him on the floor. Then they placed a hand tinderly over Julian’ swollen tummy and began to massage it. A low rumble finally rose into his chest allowing him the deep bealch he needed.

“AAAAAAUUUUURRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUPPPPPPP” 

“Ah much better. Excuse me.” 

But MC continued to rub and bress on his bloated tummy.

EEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPP

“Ooft. See? It ~BLURP~mmph scuse me. It helps.”

MC gave the bulge of his tummy a firm pat and in no time he had found the belchesburried in the pit of his stomach.

Portia walked back in a moment later with her basket of apples. “Wow Ilya you look terrible.”

“Realy? I feel ~Urup~ ngh-fantastic.” Julian reclined back on the cussions rubbing his tummy.

“I guess you realy did eat too much huh.” Pasha said apologeticly. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.” 

“No Pasha, it’s my own fault. I’m sorry I didn’t speak up for myself.” He tried not to burp mid sentense.

“Next time I’ll do better.” Pasha asured him.

“Next time?” Julian groaned. “Ulf. Pasha, I dunno if there will be a next time for another decade with this stomach ache.~BLLLLUUURRRPPP~Ugh sorry I keep doing that. That’s mmf embarassing~BLUGHP~”

His diafram was exausted from spasming. His stomach ache was starting to ease up but he still sounded like a water bed, and he felt like one too. 

MC had allready fallen asleep to the soft murmering in Julians stomach.

“Hey Pasha, mind if I sleep here tonight?” Julian asked.

“You’re always welcome here Ilya.” SHe smiled sweetly.

“Thanks” Julian murmered on the peripheral of sleep. “Oh and Pasha, please dont wake me up for breakfast. I allready had twelve.”

[daniactuallysnuffledthatpopcorn]

Painting Flowers (Chapter 9)

[A/N] My camp Nano project from April 2014. Heavily edited.

Summary: Dan has come to accept that his psychotic episodes and hallucinations are here to stay, when he meets Phil Lester. Although Phil can’t fix Dan, he does give him something to fight for. Something to try for, one last time.

WARNINGS: Mentions of self harm and suicide. Deals with mental illness, hallucinations and psychotic episodes.

Word count: 2.2K (23.9K total)

<-previous chapter -- next chapter->

Start at the beginning

The position of Dan’s arms was changed every few hours, to make sure his arms didn’t start hurting. Right now they were above his head, so that he could hardly move them. It was nice to bend them again though, after being restrained with them straight at either side of his body for the past few hours.

His parents were always right outside the door, Dan knew that. He could catch a glimpse of them every time a doctor or nurse walked in to either change his restraints or feed him. They were only allowed in once every now and then, to help Dan ‘rest’, even though Dan didn’t deem that necessary at all. He was calm enough.

He was surprised, to say the least, when the door opened again only an hour after his parents had visited and he’d been fed. He craned his neck trying to see who’d walked in.

“There’s someone here to see you, are you feeling up for a visit?” His regular nurse was standing beside his bed.

“Who is it?” His heart fluttered at the possibility that it may just be Phil. He wouldn’t know how the other would’ve figured out where he was, but he didn’t really care either.

“Philip Lester. You mother called him for you, she said you would want to see him.”

“I do.” Dan said, trying to remain calm so that the doctors wouldn’t take this opportunity to take Phil away from him.

“Alright, I’ll call him in.”

He heard her footsteps leave the room and be followed by muffled talking in the hallway. The door was pushed open again, and out of the corner of his eye he immediately recognised Phil’s red plaid shirt.

“Hey Dan.” He smiled at Dan and pulled the chair up to the bed. “I was worried about you, you weren’t answering my texts.”

“I thought you were at your grandma’s.”

“I was, but then she turned out to have bought me a Buffy DVD and I wanted to watch it with you. So I texted you as soon as I was on my way back home, but you weren’t replying, and you didn’t pick up my calls either. So um, I kind of called the hotel and asked about you. Your mother called me back about an hour ago, I was so relieved to hear that you were doing alright.”

“Define alright.”

“Restrained in a hospital bed but alive.”

Dan laughed, “If that’s your definition of alright, then I’m a bit more than alright. I’m doing well, actually. You know, if you leave out the whole hospital part. I’m physically okay and my head is shutting up for now.”

“Good. I’m happy to hear that.” He didn’t seem to say that just because he felt like he had to. He actually seemed to mean it. Then again, Phil seemed to have been very sincere about everything he had said on this topic so far.

“I have the uncontrollable urge to tickle you, but that would be inappropriate, wouldn’t it?” Phil broke their serious conversation. He had his goofy smile on that Dan loved so much.

“Not to mention very cruel, as I am currently bound to this bed and cannot fight back.”

Phil raised his arm and his hand came dangerously close to Dan’s stomach.

“Don’t you dare, jackass.”

“Or what?”

“I will turn into the Hulk and pull apart the restraints, only to end your existence.”

“Violent.” The jokingly made threat didn’t do its job very well. Phil softly grazed his fingertips over Dan’s stomach. The latter tried to wiggle out of his reach, but of course, to no avail.

“You have no heart.” Dan stated.

“I do not.” Phil confirmed.

It wasn’t hard to turn Dan into a laughing mess beneath his hands now that the boy couldn’t fight back. He tried to move away, but even while he was attempting this he knew it was no use.

He only noticed the door had opened when Phil’s hand stopped moving on his stomach and the other’s face turned to the door.

“Can you make sure he doesn’t get too hyper, please? We need to keep him calm here.” Dan recognised the voice of one of his female nurses but he wasn’t quite sure which one.

“I’m completely calm.” He said, still a little out of breath.

She grinned, “I can see that.” She didn’t seem to serious about it. She was supposed to keep him calm and peaceful, but it was easy to recognise that Phil was in no way upsetting him. On the contrary, he was calming him down more than any silence or restriction could.

“Just try to keep it down a bit, okay?”

“Sure, will do.” Phil said. He patted Dan’s stomach playfully and pulled back his arm, only to raise his other and bring it up to the headboard of the bed. Dan wasn’t sure what his intentions were at first, but then he felt soft fingertips stroking the scars on his right arm. He let out a shaky breath and allowed himself to relax.

Phil was looking at him with that calm and welcoming expression again. Dan closed his eyes involuntarily. His fingers curled and reached out to try and touch Phil’s hand. Everything around him was completely forgotten when Phil moved his hand to wrap around Dan’s. Maybe it was just in his head, but it felt like the warmth of Phil’s hand was spreading through his arm. For once he didn’t care about the fact that maybe it was only just him thinking this, without it really being there. It felt nice.

 “How long are you staying for?” Dan woke up from his dream from the hushed voice of a nurse near the door.

“As long as you’ll let me.” Came Phil’s whispered reply. Dan could still feel his hand on his own and he softly squeezed it to let him now he was awake.

He carefully opened one eye to find Phil looking at him with his usual smile. “Morning, pretty boy.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s not actually morning. It’s seven pm. I lied.”

“No that’s not what I meant.”

Phil turned to the nurse again, “So when are you kicking me out?”

“We aren’t, for now. Though Dan’s parents would like to see him for a bit.”

“They can come in too.”

“You’ll have to leave the room.”

“Why?”

The nurse was quiet for a second, “Regulations.” She said.

“I see. Can I go back in after that?”

“Sure.”

“Alright.” He eyed Dan for a few seconds before slowly leaning in and pressing a kiss to the boy’s forehead. “I’ll see you in a bit, yeah?”

Dan just nodded, left speechless.

 “I had a talk with some doctors.” Phil announced when he walked back in.

Dan was sitting with a tray of food on his lap. His hands were now next to his head, and the end of the bed had been moved up, so that he could sit up to eat his food.

“And?”

“I’ll tell you when you finish eating.” He sat back down in the chair next to the bed and started fiddling with the food on the tray.

“You’re making me curious.”

“Good.” He raised the spoon and held it in front of Dan’s face. “Open up.”

 “So what did you talk about with the doctors?”

Phil put down the tray on the floor next to him. “Right.” He started. “So I told them about your walking habits, and that I’d like to take a walk with you, just for like a few minutes would be okay. And they were like ‘We’re actually not supposed to allow that’, so I begged them to make an exception and they did. We can go on a walk in a bit.”

“Are you serious?” Dan eyes widened.

“Completely. We’re not allowed out for too long, we have to stay inside the building, and I have to stay with you the entire time, but they think you could use some outside time so they’re letting us do it.”

“That’s amazing. Thank you.”

“Of course. Now they’re going to come in to untie you in a few minutes. Get ready.”

 The halls weren’t exactly the perfect environment for a late-night walk. They peeked into the small windows on the doors and looked at the other patients. Most of them were lying in bed and didn’t notice them, but others were sitting on the floor and made eye contact. Some even waved at them. “Do you come here often?” Phil asked.

Dan let out a laugh, “This isn’t the place for that pickup line, Phil.” He said.

“No, I didn’t mean it as a pickup line.” Phil replied, laughing now too.

“I don’t come here that often. My psychiatrist isn’t on this block, and I don’t usually have episodes this bad. Maybe four times a year, tops.”

“Okay, don’t take this the wrong way, but how often do you get restrained?”

Dan grinned, “If it’s bad enough to be taken to the hospital, there’s a fifty percent chance it’s bad enough to restrain me. Especially after they found out that I self harm. They probably won’t let me out of their sight as long as I’m here anymore. I’m honestly surprised that they let you take me out of the room for this walk.”

“Me too.” Phil admitted. “I didn’t think my soliloquy was going to do much good, but hey, it wasn’t going to do any harm either, so I might as well try.”

“I appreciate this a lot, thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

 Sleeping with his arms pinned beside his head was not what you’d call comfortable. He woke up at six that morning, unable to go back to sleep as there was a ray of sunlight hitting him straight in the face through the window. The rest of the room was still covered in the weak twilight of the early morning and Dan was only just able to make out the chair, which had been moved to the wall opposite the bed.

Two hours went by before the door opened and one of the nurses walked in with a tray of breakfast. “Morning, Dan.” She greeted.

“Hi.” Dan replied.

“You hungry?”

“Yeah, I’ve been up for like a few hours already.”

She tilted his bed up straight and pulled the chair up to the bed. Dan could totally live with being restrained. It was the having to be fed he had a problem with. “I can eat by myself.” He tried. But of course that was no use.

After breakfast Dan got to lie down for another hour, before the door opened again. He expected to see either his parents or Phil, but he was greeted with Michelle’s face.

“Hi, Dan. How are you feeling?”

“You know, could be better, could be worse.” He replied.

Michelle sat down on the chair next to his bed. “I heard you went for a walk with Phil last night.”

“I did.”

“How was that?”

“It was great, I loved it.”

“How do you feel about Phil?”

Dan laughed, “We’re going to talk about my feelings for Phil here?”

“Do you not want to talk about him?”

“I didn’t say that.” “Alright.” She nodded, “So how do you feel about him?”

“I like him. I like him a lot. I may have a crush on him.” He averted his gaze, but was quick to add, “Don’t tell him that though.”  

“I won’t.” She promised. “How do you feel about the fact that he came to visit you here and got the doctors to let you go out with him?”

“Amazing. I honestly didn’t expect him to even come. I hoped he would, but I didn’t think he would actually do it.”

“Good. Good. I talked to Phil a few minutes ago. He’s just outside.” She pointed to the door.

“He is? Can I see him?”

“You can see him later, okay?”

He nodded.

“You’re probably getting out of here tomorrow, and Phil told me he wanted to take you on a date as soon as possible.”

“He used that word?”

“What word?”

“Date. Did he say date?”

“He did say date. But before you go back home, I’d like you to once again consider the possibility of medication. That would greatly lessen the chance of you ending up here again, you know that. You don’t have to make a decision right now, I would just appreciate it a lot if you were to think about it.” She got up and gave him a warm smile.

“I’ll think about it.” He uttered.

“I’ll see you tomorrow before you leave. Have fun with Phil.”

“Thanks, I will.”

She left the room. Dan didn’t get time to wonder how long it would take Phil to get in here; the other didn’t even let the door close behind Michelle in his hurry to get into the room.