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lieblingspulli · 2 years

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Need Something? - SKZ

W.C: 2.3k

Seungmin x Reader

Summary: Two days converge into one as you and Seungmin unwind for the day!

Masterlist!

SKZ Masterlist

Note: Hey! It’s been a while but I got inspired by my extreme procrastination of my schoolwork to make something. I’ve been just itching to write about super mundane things tbh, I’ve been just so busy, I’m appreciating the mundane much more lately. Hope you all like it <3

Seungmin was extremely relaxed after his daily coffee run. If there was anything to start his morning peacefully, it was nicely flavored americano and an empty cafe. Today would be a good day, Seungmin resolved to himself. He would get his choreo memorized, sing some demos for Chan today and maybe even go live for a lunchtime mukbang session. Today would be a great day in fact. He felt so at peace that he felt he could do anything today, even the laundry that had been sitting in the corner of his room for like a week at home. Today would be good.

You personally felt victimized today. Nothing like sleeping through the most important meeting of the quarter to start your morning. You spent all of last night typing out your important charts and notes, Seungmin couldn’t even lure you into bed with warm cuddles and extra attention.

Despite this, Seungmin had kissed you to sleep endlessly when you did join him at an early 3 in the morning. You felt so bad for keeping him awake, but Seungmin didn’t have an important quarterly report to type, you did. Resigning to a stern lecture from your coworkers, you let the morning do its thing. You used the last of the coffee pods that Seungmin left you and fed your tiny, old dog before hurrying out the door. Let’s get this day over with, you thought.

Right before you left work for the day, you sent Seungmin a text.

Just getting out of work. When do u get home?🥲-Y

Almost immediately Seungmin answered.

Maybe around 7. :( Srry bby -S

Can you squeeze out an early send off from chris??? Tell him I broke my finger -Y

You’re funny. Let me work my magic ;) -S

Lmk how that goes, if not just tell my chrissy I said hi and he still owes me some nachos from when he ate mine -Y

Some time went by as you waited for a reply. You watched the fall colors of the trees pass you by as the bus took you to your homestop. Something about fall calmed your nerves. Luckily, the quarterly meeting had been postponed because the division manager had a cold, which totally saved your butt. You sighed and felt a vibration from your phone.

Chan$$ venmoed you 10 usd

You grinned and sighed. Opening up your messages with Seungmin, you shook your head and laughed.

Why did chan send me 10 dollars in usd 🤔 -Y

bro???? -Y

He said because you keep pestering him for an american dish -S

Tell him I’ll enjoy it very much thxxx -Y

He also said you have to share with him when you get them -S

Why dont you just text him urself omg -S

You just sent him an emoji with your tongue sticking out.

Oh hey did he let you out tho? -Y

No -S

We have a weird schedule today bc of the morning show tm -S

Srry bb -S

Its OK. have fun xoxo -Y

You pulled the bus signal and gathered your stuff. The time on your phone read 4:26. Technically speaking, you should be at work, but was let out early due to the manager being gone and the meeting had everyone done with work. Maybe you would cook some lasagna according to your mom’s recipe. Or take Luna (your fossilized age dog) out on a walk. You didn’t really seem to know what to do because of this peculiar on-edge feeling.

It was peaceful around you as you hopped off the bus. An ajumma was reading her book on the bus stop bench. A 16 year old student and his friend were arguing over a bag of chips. A business man was walking presumably home from work.

You pulled your coat a little tighter around you as you started to walk in the direction of yours and Seungmin’s place. The cold air had picked up in a bit of a breeze as you passed the corner store which was next to the salon that was owned by your neighbor down the hallway. Eventually you made it to your building and walked into the warm main hallway.

Seungmin’s schedule was unexpectedly busy today. Despite his peaceful start, the choreographer made some changes to the new dance they were learning for a unit video with Leeknow and Jeongin. Leeknow, being the particular dancer he always was, made the choreo hour seem like 3. Afterwards, Chan said his demo tracks still weren’t ready but he could send one of them over for a listen. This left Seungmin a bit of freetime before lunch, so he decided to walk to the new chocolate store that opened down the street and buy you some mocha and espresso choco bites. With his goodies in hand, Seungmin proceeded to go about his day as normal, except for the fact that Jisung was freaking out when he met with Seungmin for lunch over how his recording session went terribly and he needed to reschedule soon because the tracks needed to be edited soon. All of Jisung’s stress made its way to Seungmin and started to give him an icky feeling. The best he could do was offer some comfort to Han by offering to help him on the vocals when he had a chance. This seemed to help him a bit. Not soon after, You texted Seungmin and this put him at ease. Running off after lunch, Seungmin found Chan in his studio working on the aforementioned demos. Trying to guilt trip his most loyal leader, Seungmin found himself getting an apologetic “Sorry min but the schedule is packed after 3:30. It's best to stay the day I think” from Chan. Welp.

From here on, it was utter chaos. When Seungmin got to the group meeting room for a debrief on the morning schedule, no one but the manager was there. Everyone was late, Hyunjin didn’t have anything but a coffee and his phone because he forgot his laptop at home, Jeongin was sniffing because he was recovering from a cold, Leeknow was late because of a dance practice, Chris and Changbin were late because of the demo fixing, Jisung walked in with a second lunch, and Felix just lost track of time. Who knows what happened after that.

In between song rehearsals, Seungmin replied to your text and apologized for the continuing schedule. He sensed your day hadn’t gone according to plan but he really couldn’t do much at the moment. Jisung was pestering him to help him with some vocals and he reluctantly agreed to a bit of help after the rehearsal. So much for going home early.

After he grabbed his bag to head to Jisung’s studio room, he texted you again to make sure you were okay.

Are you bored without me yet -S

Seungmin swung the door open and started slowly heading down the dimly lit hallway to let Jisung catch up.

No Luna decided to spit up her lunch. Also the coffee machine broke -Y

My beloved coffee machine 🙁 -S

Seungmin got startled when he felt some hands on his shoulder. Jisung had caught up.

“What did you think about that rehearsal huh?” Jisung chuckled and readjusted his hoodie over his head. “Personally, I don’t know if I’ll survive tomorrow.” He shook his head and grimaced.

“Ah, it's fine. It’s strange because everyone was late but tomorrow won’t be that bad. I need a vacation after though.” Seungmin chuckled and stuffed his phone in his back pocket before heading into the elevator after Jisung.

“Bro I’ve got so many tracks to finish and turn in, it’s insane.”

“Tell me about it, I’ve got a bunch of people asking me for help.” Seungmin laughed and nudged at Jisung teasingly. Jisung got a bit embarrassed and slapped his arm playfully.

“I’m looking forward to the weekend.” Jisung sighed.

“Me too.” Seungmin agreed wholeheartedly and followed his companion into the studio hallway.

Finally, 7pm hit the clock. You quickly set the table and hopped in the shower. All the unease in your stomach had made you do odd chores around the house to get your mind off of the feeling. You made your homemade lasagna, did 2 loads of laundry, vacuumed the whole house, and cleaned out the fridge. Still, you felt unfinished. The whole day at work, people had been asking for your assistance on different tasks and now that you did jobs for yourself, it didn’t feel satisfying enough. Additionally, you tried making your favorite caramel latte but the machine broke. You sighed as you washed your hair. After you got out and was on step 3 of your skincare routine, you heard the front door open and close, signaling the return of your boyfriend.

Seungmin took the choco bites out of his bag before setting it on its designated hook in the hallway. Luna ran up to Seungmin and excitedly pawed at his shoes for pets. Suengmin smiled and crouched down to pet her before talking sweet nonsense despite her being a dog.

You walked out from the bedroom, careful not to startle Seungmin and snickered a bit.

“And here I thought I was the one going to get extra attention.” You teased.

Seungmin stood up and waddled over to you with arms open wide.

“Babyyyyyyyy. I missed you so” He said in his best baby voice. You adored Minnie. “Don’t strangle me Min.” You pouted.

“I’m sorry, I just had a weird day.” You could hear his visible pout and you rubbed his back.

“Did you need something then? A kiss? Some food?” Seungmin held you out at arm’s length and got suddenly very serious.

“That is the first time someone has asked me that all day.” You giggled at his distraught face, knowing he was pouting about not getting enough attention.

“Aw, my poor baby boy didn’t get enough love from his friends did he?” You smiled teasingly. He dramatically nodded yes and then seemed to have an epiphany.

“Oh! I have something for you!” He ran over to the table and picked up a fancy yellow pastry box before opening them and stretching them out to you.

“Aw, baby, you didn’t have to.” You picked up a chocolate cookie looking thing and bit into it. You expected a cruncy texture, but got more of a caramel bite of brownie spongieness. You sighed in pleasure and closed your eyes to savor the taste.

“Mmmm! This is so good. Where did you get these from?” You opened your eyes.

“There’s a new pastry shop by the JYP building! I thought you could use a pick me up today.” He stared at you excitingly, happy that you were happy. He happily walked back to the table and set down the box before sauntering to the kitchen.

“Thanks Min, I really appreciate it. I needed the surprise.” He looked back at you and curiously asked what was wrong.

“Ah, I just had a bad start to the morning. My meeting got delayed and I’ve been feeling weird all day.” You walked to the counter and began to plate some lasagna. “I did make my favorite dish for dinner though.” You felt arms wrap around you waist and a chin prop on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more, baby. Do you need something from me? Sometimes you just need someone to take care of you to feel better.” Suengmin said sweetly. You leaned your head back against him.

“You’re too nice to me you know that right?” You sighed and got back to serving the food.

“No, I’m so serious right now. I feel like everyone asks so much of us that we don’t just get to take care of eachother.” He helped you carry the dishes to the table as he maintained the conversation.

“So many people asked me for favors today. I realized how much I just wanted to go home and listen to someone ask about my day. I feel like that would make you feel better. So, I’ll do just that!” He happily exclaimed this last point and pulled out your chair for you to sit down in. You smiled and puckered your lips for a kiss. He happily obliged. You sweetly kissed him and said, “Min, all I want from you is your attention and your cuddles.” You giggled. He smiled and quickly grabbed some juice from the fridge before running to the table to sit down like a child.

“Okay, tell me about your day. I want to know everything. I also want to know what I can do to make you feel better. Think of it as a master plan. Plan Y/N: Make Y/N feel loved and appreciated for all they do for everyone.” He motioned with his hands across the space in front of him.

You shook your head and began from the very beginning. Seungmin listened the whole time and attentively ate while making agreeable sounds. Watching you be so animated about a normal day was so attractive to him, he thought to himself that he would spend all his days like today if he could return to you and listen to you speak. As dinner winded down, he held your hand across the table and spoke about his schedule that day. Although he was being pestered all day with favors, he felt that this one task that was given to him by you would never be an annoying one. He would gladly ask if you needed something from him if it meant giving you extra love and attention.

#skz #skz x reader #skz chan #skz lee know #skz changbin #skz hyunjin #skz jisung #skz felix #skz seungmin #skz jeongin #skz fluff #stray kids #seungmin #seungmin x reader #seungmin x you #you make stray kids stay #lovestay

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dogstarblues · 1 month

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today i....

practiced my sing by running througb vocal exercises. i practiced my spanish. i watched 3 graduate lectures and 1 lecture by faculty. i did a load of laundry. i did a load of dishes. today i wrote poetry. i body scanned 3 times to check in with myself. in the morning, i read the introduction of Narrative Theory Unbound: Queer and Feminist Interventions and felt invigorated for the rest of the day. i read Before Island Is Volcano by Raquel Salas Rivera. the english and spanish side. i did yoga for my nervous system to usher away my headache. i picked out outfits and jewelry for thursday and friday. i drank water. i made breakfast. got a smoothie. made a snack. i read another chapter of Brothers Karamazov. i listened to another two chapters of American Royalty. i walked my dog for 25 minutes and felt alright. i showered. i began skincare again, hoping to get back into the routine. i organized my jewelry. i organized the Scripture Study Curriculum into a spreadsheet. i planned out a course for a project with my advisor over emails. i listened to an album. and now i will go make tea for my rebounding headache and wind down for the night.

this is the first day ive ever gotten everything done that i wanted to on my daily task list on my weekly planner since i got it, and this might be the first time since i began the planner that i'll have gotten everything done on my top priority list and my low priority list as well as the Follow Up list. the only thing that i didnt get done was a meeting with a collaborator but that was due to the collaborator's ill health and need for stabilization so im not counting that as "not done" but simply "rescheduled".

#dogstar speaking #today i

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razorsadness · 2 years

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Last week started out pretty well. I got a lot of work (paid day-job stuff) done; took my kids to the library for therapy dog reading time, took them to the park to birdwatch (we saw so many woodpeckers, both downy and red-bellied). I took a lot of walks and wrote a lot and read a lot.

C. and I had a sweet discussion about relationships. He asked me if he could have a girlfriend and I said that one day, when he’s older, and he meets a girl he’s into who’s into him, he can have a girlfriend. Then I said that he’s a long way off from dating, though, and that in the meantime he just needed to make friends with people, girls and boys. He said “okay,” paused, then said: “Does that mean I can have a girlfriend and a boyfriend someday?!” I said: “If you want to, then absolutely.” But internally I was screaming: “Oh my god, he’s gonna be bi and poly!!!!” Obviously I know that kids say and do all kinds of things that have no bearing on their identity or life, but it still made me smile. Later on that day, he said he wanted Spider-Man to be his boyfriend someday, which was also super cute. (And of course made me think of both the Bi-Der Man meme, and Andrew Garfield saying he’d wanted to play Spider-Man/Peter Parker as bi.)

There was one day when C. seemed like maybe he was coming down with something, and I got a little worried, but then he seemed fine, so I thought it was just a fluke.

Friday morning, I woke up feeling good. I thought P. and I would finally be able to fuck that night (we hadn’t had sex in a week and a half; first he had a backache, then I had some genital irritation which I did not want to make worse). But then C. was acting really weird, like saying he needed a nap after only being awake for two hours, and his eyes looked really glassy, and his forehead felt warm. I checked his temperature, and sure enough, it was slightly elevated. He only got worse from there.

Well, whatever he had has since made its way through the everyone in the house. It’s not CoViD. We’ve taken multiple CoViD tests over the course of the past four days, and all of them have been negative. I know antigen tests aren’t as reliable as PCR tests, but last April when we did have CoViD, the tests showed positive as soon as we were symptomatic. Plus, with CoViD I had insane body aches, fatigue, and brain fog, and have had none of that with this virus. (Well, not much. There’s always a little fatigue with any virus, but this is nothing compared to CoViD fatigue.) But we’re treating it basically the same way, anyway. Quarantining, resting as much as possible, megadosing on vitamins.

The first few days after we started coming down with it, P. and I felt pretty good, and we said: “Oh, maybe we got really mild cases!” I guess we jinxed it, because as of Monday evening, it got a lot worse for both of us. Still not the sickest I’ve ever been, but it’s no fun.

Worst parts of the past five days:

I had to pass on a really well-paying freelance gig, because the deadline was the end of this week, and I knew I’d be too sick to do it well, and taking care of sick kiddos on top of it so I wouldn’t have the time.

Obviously, P. and I have not gotten to have sex. It’s been over two weeks now! I know in the grand scheme of things that’s not a long time, but for us, it kinda is.

The being sick itself. All the phlegm and snot, oh my fucking god. It is endless.

My nose is chapped! My lips are chapped!

Not being able to keep my house clean/picked up. I’m not a clean or neat freak, but in recent months I’ve realized I do better if we keep up a baseline of organization and cleanliness, and we’ve been staying pretty on top of it. But this week, what with being sick, we’ve done dishes and laundry as needed, plus general wiping down of surfaces with disinfectant, and everything else has fallen by the wayside.

I am so fucking tired. Not like, fatigue-tired, but like, I haven’t been sleeping well despite my best intentions. Because either the kids keep me up half the night so I can tend to their ailments, or I just can’t sleep because I’m either blowing my nose or spitting out phlegm every two seconds. And last night was the full moon, and I can never sleep when it’s a full moon, sick or no.

I started feeling bad about my Career and my Life and Myself, thinking: “Ugh, I’m a failure at everything and I’m old and hideous and everything is terrible now and is gonna be terrible forever.” Fortunately, I nipped it in the bud quickly, remembering that I always get depressed about myself/my life when I’m sick, and that it is not the right time to be taking stock of anything.

Best parts of the past five days:

On Sunday, when I still thought this might be a mild cold, I was able to attend the Four Queens online writing workshop. I wrote some stuff, and got lots of great ideas for current and future projects. And I just really liked what Mathias had to say about attention and astonishment.

I’ve been taking Mathias’ words to heart. Even as I’ve been sick, I’ve been taking time every day to step outside or at least look outside, or even look at something inside, and pay deep attention and feel astonished, and that’s led to even more lists and ideas and scraps; more mulch for future writings.

I’ve been spending as much of my time as possible reading books or watching videos and films. And basically everything I’ve been watching and reading has been by and/or about queer and trans folks. Books I’ve read: A Minor Chorus by Billy-Ray Belcourt, Feral City by Jeremiah Moss, and IRL by Tommy Pico. Things I’ve watched: The film of Abigail Thorn’s play The Prince, Chris McKim’s documentary Wojnarowicz: Fuck You Faggot Fucker, and Caelan Conrad and Jessie Gender’s newest video essays on YouTube. I highly recommend all of it.

I’ve been drinking a lot of tea. I’ve been mostly foregoing cold medicine and having a hot toddy every evening instead. When I have tried the cold meds they just haven’t helped very much, or not enough anyway, and I find that a good hot toddy helps just as much. Plus, hot toddies taste better and are more enjoyable than cold meds. And there’s no way I’m gonna take cold meds and drink at the same time. Twenty years ago, back when I used to take severe liver damage may occur as less of a warning, more of a challenge? Sure, I mixed meds and booze. But back then I simultaneously still hoped to/thought I would die young, and also kinda thought I was fuckin’ invincible. Now I’m (comparatively) old and would like to live a lot longer, thank you, so I’m not going to risk it.

Today I made myself ramen for lunch—just instant ramen, but I tried this technique I learned that makes it taste better, and also added chopped scallions, a splash of soy sauce and a splash of chili oil, and I topped it with a fried egg. Then I took a long, hot aromatherapy bubble bath. Then I drank tonight’s hot toddy, and cooked dinner while listening to my favorite radio station. Every year on International Women’s Day they play only women/women-fronted bands and artists all day. The DJ tonight did a whole block (two songs each) of Alanis Morissette followed by Garbage followed by Ani DiFranco, and it was like, holy flashback to middle school thru early college, Batman! (I mean that in the best possible sense.) Then we changed the sheets on all the beds, and now I’m lying in bed, finishing this entry, and feeling better than I’ve felt since Monday. I’m cautiously optimistic that I’m actually on the mend.

Other things:

Saturn has moved into Pisces, and it’s intense.

I have a wee little crush on someone. They are currently On The Road, and I’ve been looking up photos of places they’re currently in. I realized that this is actually fairly common for me. Be it friend, family, crush, lover, acquaintance even…if I am thinking of someone who lives away from me, and/or is traveling, I look up photographs of where they currently are. It’s sort of a way to see what they’re seeing, maybe in that way sort of feel what they’re feeling. And it’s sort of the opposite of a postcard. A postcard is sending someone a piece of where you are, saying wish you were here. This thing I do is finding a piece of where someone I care for is, thinking wish I was there.

I was thinking about K. the other day. Sent her a message to say I think of her often, and I hope she’s well. She has not responded, and I’m not surprised nor do I blame her. For three years, she tried so so hard to be close with me, and I really didn’t let her in. I wanted to, but I was also afraid, and there were several other factors. And she eventually gave up. And, as I said, I don’t blame her. I send her messages a few times a year, to let her know I still think of her. I wish she’d respond, but at this point in my life I’d rather have people know I care even if they don’t reciprocate.

We’re hunkering down for a winter storm that’s due within the next couple days. I want it to be spring, but despite the returning birds and the daffodil shoots, it’s still officially winter for the next two weeks.

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charlesmoffat · 1 year

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I routinely wake up at 2 AM and then have difficulty getting back to sleep. PTSD is a bitch.

I try to combat it by going to the bathroom, maybe having a bath or shower, get a drink, eating a snack, possibly even a whole meal (depends upon how hungry I am), read a book, and/or watching a film I have seen many times (eg. Jaws, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, etc) or listening to an audiobook.

Sometimes I will even clean up around the house, do the dishes, do laundry, etc.

Last night I did the dishes, did the laundry, ate two hot dogs, drank some juice, watched something on TV, and tried to go back to sleep.

I do these things to get my mind off my trauma, because if I don't do them my mind will just run in circles due to my PTSD and it won't let me sleep because I get too upset by my brain working overtime.

As a consequence of this sometimes when I wake up at 2 AM I get back to sleep and sometimes I do not. My strategy of distracting my brain with films, audiobooks, etc sometimes works and sometimes it doesn't. There are no guaranteed solutions.

As a consequence of this lack of sleep I am sometimes exhausted in the middle of the day. Usually around 4 or 5 PM.

Math wise this is the equivalent of someone who wakes up at 7 AM daily and goes to bed around 9 PM or 10 PM. They're awake for around 14-15 hours and then it's bedtime.

I compare it to Jet Lag. If you've ever experienced Jet Lag then you understand how this works. It doesn't matter that the sun is still out in the middle of the day, you become exhausted after roughly 14 hours with no sleep. If you drink a lot of stimulants (coffee, Coca-Cola, etc) you can perhaps offset this, but eventually you still need to sleep. It is a biological inevitability. It can take days to recover from Jet Lag, and it is no less problematic for people with PTSD because we're under this constant cloud of trauma induced anxiety.

And this ignores the possibility that I might also be having a stressful/exhausting day due to work or responsibilities. Stuff still needs to get done obviously. I still need to go to work and teach archery lessons. I still need to do advertising and marketing for my clients. I still have to do household chores. I still have to take care of two small children and make sure their bellies are full, their clothes/diapers are clean, and that they are hopefully reasonably healthy and happy. Just because I am exhausted doesn't mean I can just stop doing these things.

Once in a while however, if I am both exhausted and lucky, my eldest son will be at school and my youngest son falls asleep and has an afternoon nap in his playpen. I then, for a brief hour or so, have a moment wherein I can also have a nap on the sofa next to the playpen. Note: There's an alarm on my phone that goes off at 3:25 PM so I can wake up and go pick up my oldest son from school.

So... Am I being lazy by having a nap at 2 PM in the afternoon prior to leaving to pick up my son? Keeping in mind that I probably only got a few hours of sleep the night before and have been up since 2 AM.

On top of all of this I am still trying to be a good parent by taking my kids outside for walks to get fresh air and exercise.

Below is an action shot of my youngest, Arthur, taking a wee tumble on the grass.

After which he decided to just sit down and enjoy sitting on the grass.

Is he lazy because he is sitting down on the job?

Or, logically, is he just a toddler taking a moment to chill before getting up and walking again?

I believe it is the latter.

...

Also according to studies of primates/apes, and people who have siestas, we're actually supposed to have an hour long nap around 1 or 2 PM in the afternoon and sleep only about 6 hours at night. So it is technically natural to have an afternoon nap. Studies into productivity have also shown that it doesn't make you lazy either. It actually increases workplace productivity because the workers are then more alert and their math/problem solving skills are better after having a siesta.

And while I haven't checked and confirmed this, I bet people who have siestas probably report having better mental health and overall higher levels of happiness. I wouldn't be at all surprised if having siestas was extremely beneficial for people with mental health issues.

#ptsd #ptsdlife #ptsd thoughts #living with ptsd #ptsd awareness #ptsd memes #mental heath issues

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bunnylafee · 1 year

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April 5th.

I woke up to a snap from my girlfriend wishing me a happy birthday. I opened some of my presents. I got my free starbucks drink then headed to tea service and hour and half away.

Tea service was ok. I've had better and with more food for the price. Sadly they are like the closest one in the state that survived the pandemic. So captive audience. Then after tea we went mini golfing. We headed back home since it was getting late and I needed to walk the dog.

My girlfriend video called me for a minute to wish me happy birthday and ask how my day was going. It was nice. It felt like she cared. I know she does but sometimes she gets busy and it feels like I get forgotten because I'm not right there? I don't know.

She said she liked my hair a lot. I asked color or style and she said both. I really like this color too. Doesn't hurt that teal is her favorite color. I couldn't decide between teal or neon green but in the end, I picked teal. I originally said I was going to do a coral or soft pink/peach color but I decided that wasn't bold enough.

The rest of the day had mixed emotions and events of stuff. I did laundry. Well, technically I washed and put it in the dryer to dry.. haven't folded it yet. I need to put the dishes in the dishwasher and vacuum and go grocery shopping... things I normally do on my days off.

I got two almost identical stuffies today as a present from Hubbs. I have named the darker one Gillium and the lighter colored one Edwardo. They are bat stuffies. Kinda like a squishmellow but not and bats.

Ok. I should go to bed..well lay down in bed. Need to try to sleep.

I want a septum piercing but Hubbs is slightly pushing back on it. He's had one before and knows it will hurt and take forever to heal. I think I would look cute with one. He's making me second guess myself again! 5 yrs this has been going on. Maybe I should just come up with a new tattoo design and get that..

Then he said today was the first day my hair had looked somewhat feminine. He meant since growing my pixie out. Sometimes he upsets my feelings without realizing it or maybe caring.

#personal #personal thoughts #birthday #birthday update #girlfriend #mention of girlfriend #pansexual #polyamourous #husband #hubbs

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thepersonalhermit · 1 month

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My Monday was quite busy. I dropped my youngest off for her first day of preschool, went to the gym, ran errands, showered and had lunch, picked her up from preschool, ran more errands, made dinner early because the older kids had scouts, cleaned the kitchen, early bedtime for the youngest while the oldest were at scouts, walk the dog, go to bed.

However, I lifted over 4,600 pounds in total at the gym and for the first time in a long time I am sore from an upper body workout because I was able to go up in weights more easily. Oh, and I finally did a bench press for the first time in at least twenty years... And was able to do more than the bar! I only added 2.5lbs to each side but I'll take it!

Today I'm going to stretch and do some core. It's only a little after 10 and I've got a load of laundry in the washer and the dishwasher has been unloaded and is running again with all of the dirty stuff that didn't fit in the dishwasher last night (plus this morning's breakfast dishes). There's another load of laundry after this one is in the dryer too. But you know what, we have had delicious meals and we have plenty of clothes to wear and I'm grateful for that.

#personal fitblr #fitness #fitblr #looking forward to a calmer day today #and trying to be more positive about the daily chores

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scentedbluebirdnightmare · 4 months

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Full day today if I actually do what I planned to do. What I'm supposed to be doing.

I started off decently, woke up at 8am like I planned but stayed in bed until 11am. I need to not smoke in the mornings, it kills my motivation, so I imposed a new rule for myself: no smoking before 10am and also no smoking after 1am. Blackout times will help us save on resources too. As far as goals for today, I did stick to my 1 cup of coffee for the day, and I made my bed again this morning. That's 2 mornings in a row now, go me!

Boyfriend took care of the morning dog walk and feeding the pets, so I will be doing the evening dog walk and feeding the pets. I'll probably do both the morning and evening litter box scooping since he's been doing it the most lately. I should give him a break since his back is really hurting him today.

About to do a half hour of exercises and shower. Today is Wednesday and I picked Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for workout days. I picked Tuesdays and Thursdays for flexibility days, like stretches and yoga. After my shower, I'm going to let the cats out on the back porch for some fun in the sun, then I will be lazy on the Sims 4 for a while.

I am meeting a friend on FFXIV tonight and I'm really looking forward to it. All I have for chores today is some laundry and of course the daily dish grind. Also, I need to remember to cut off all drinks after 11pm. I am tired of getting up 3 times a night to pee. What the hell, bladder?

So yeah, that's the game plan for today! Maybe more depending on energy. I'm off to start my list and enjoy my day. Y'all take care.

#my blog #my diary #my journal #my post #my space #my stuff #my thoughts #my writing

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lifewithoutmeds · 10 months

Text

November 27, 2023

Wow, it's kind of been a long time since I wrote.

I'm not really sure what's going on, if anything. i "work," but mostly i stay in bed for a long time and stare at my phone. on days i don't drink coffee, i just lounge around, do minimal time-sensitive work, answer a few emails, but mostly just lie down and play games on my phone, scan the news headlines, catch up on celebrity gossip, read stories on divorces and break-ups, and fall asleep to true crime youtube. on weekends i sleep some 12-14 hours when I have nothing planned.

this past weekend was thanksgiving. lana didn't want to host and most of her other family were doing other things, so we decided that i'd host and lana brought over a 4-person thanksgiving meal set from Whole Foods, i orderded and picked up a pie from Lark Bakery, as well as made green bean casserole, and picked up a frozen mudd pie and key lime pie from ralphs.

i cleaned a bit, they came over, we ate, they played around with Guitar Hero, some darts, and various other make-believe games. i was exhausted and then they left.

the next day i took over a plate to my mom for lunch. not sure what else i did, but i did go get a thai massage at 6pm.

on saturday i had brunch with kelly, and we simultaneously got the official news that xio had passed, via a text from. matt as well as a link to her obituary. i had heard it might be true the wednesday prior and cried then, but seeing it from matt broke me differently, and kelly and i cried and hugged each other (shoulder hug).

afterward i walked over to jingmai's where we caught up and had tea, and then we walked over to grace's where we drank a loooot and caught up some more. jingmai eventually left and grace and steven had some korean chicken delivered which i gratefully ate before going home.

then on sunday i just slept for 12-14 hours. just sleeping, waking to eat and go to the bathroom, and back again, in a weird, listless, pointless kind of way. i was annoyed with myself for not being productive, for not attending to the dishes, for not taking a healthy walk, for not eating healthily, and i got a notification that despite my goal of decreasing my screen time from 9.5 to 9 hours, i had actually increased it to 10.5 hours. i should probably try not to fall asleep to it. it might knock off an hour or two hourly.

today i woke up sad and with the feels. i quickly checked my fitbit, and my period is 1 week away. i'm hoping i can chalk it up to that. i felt very sad, very heavy, and just overall sort of overwhelmed with helplessness. i thought a little about jadai, and a lot about xio. i cried more today. i texted danielle and ray and we cried some more. i texted elaine too but didn't cry so much. she seemed strangely unmoved. i'm not sure if there was some weird history there or what.

but today felt sort of .... just emptier than usual, stupider than usual.

i was "productive." i pulled off a sheet to toss out that was getting pretty ratty and the middle was kind of balling up with cotton bits, and would feel rough against my skin. i did three loads of laundry. i did three loads of dishes. i watered plants, checked the mail, texted some people, purchased a tv stand for my mom online. i ate up some things in the fridge. i did more work than i had in some days. and i mean, it was fine i guess? but like, i thought of matt a lot. i thought of how he had worked his way up to be a supervisor, to buy a house, and now he was going home to nothing. to a dog that didn't know where her mom was. like what was the work for? what was it all going toward? he had love, he had adventure, companionship, a partner, and now he doesn't. it was a beautiful love story that we all got to witness, and now he ... he is a widower. how does that make sense? what is it all good for? his promotion, his button down collared shirts.

as i went about, back and forth, getting my laundry to and from the washer and dryer, taking out trash and recycling, it just all felt very stupid. i thought again and again, what is this all for? is it supposed to be fun? we spend so much time just "maintaining," with our routines and our daily necessary habits and eating and sleeping and hygiene and then we need our daily doses of socializing and resting, just sims trying to keep our little statuses in the green.

and i know that somehow it's supposed to work toward something. you work a 9-5 so that you have your evenings and weekends and the occasional 1-2 week vacation. you go to concerts, and celebrations for momentous occasions for friends and family. you buy your gift on amazon and they get their food from costco and porto's, and just on and on while people around us die and suffer and then we eventually suffer and die as well.

there seems to be no meaning, no rhyme or reason to it.

sometimes i think that maybe my life would have more meaning if i could reduce the suffering of others. whether it be via offering food, water, shelter, just some sort of momentary reprieve from life's hardships, but .... say everyone, the whole world's suffering eased some. we all went up two degrees, or we all had the same amount of "suffering" that i would have. then would life be pointless all over again? what if we achieved some sort of radical decrease in overall suffering. then what?

i feel like xio represented some of the best of us. even when she saw the end coming, she was a loving wife, daughter, friend, sister. she took care of and loved her dog. she kept up her sense of wit and humor. she went to concerts, traveled, and did as much as she could until she couldn't. i think she really loved life and she wanted to live so much, that she actually outlived her prognosis/estimate by 3 years. her will to live overpowered her physical illness beyond what people could really fathom.

i don't know what it's all for. i know with jadai, i had comfort. i had security, stability, i felt seen and known and loved. i knew i had a partner to listen to me, to listen to, someone cared about me, and knew the ins and outs of my day, and would follow up with me. only other assessor folk know what's going on with xio. if i tell other friends, they sort of tsk tsk and say they're sorry, but they don't know what she was like, who she was, why this was such a loss. and there are so many things like that. where nobody knows what i'm going through, with how i feel, with the minutiae of my day and how i feel, how i'm affected.

i used to go to amir a lot, but he's fallen off. gyoon has fallen off, and i know she's busy with work, and with family, and trips, and her new best friend julie, and her creative endeavors. amir has somehow gotten over his heartbreak and is back helping out with his family, his church, visiting his friends. we used to text/call each other everyday, but he hasn't called for days now, even when i texted him to do so a few days ago. danielle has consistently been there, texting at least every other day if i don't text the other days. but even she's busy, going to concerts, watching after her dog, hanging out with heidi.

*update Amir just called and i picked up, sobbing. then halfway through our call i heard a loud banging on the door and startled, opened the door. and there he was. amir. i cried afresh.

he ate an unripe persimmon, drank a la croix, and ate some rice, kimchi, and kim, and then headed out to go to mike's for the night. he's such a good friend. i lowkey feel bad that i kindof dismissed him, but as soon as he heard my voice, he diverted, and came right over. what a guy.

i know a lot of this is xio. some of it is PMS. some of it is feeling like i don't have a lot of friends right now. lt is pretty focused on her relationship and will go hours without texting or responding, or just responding in part, and never acknowledging everything else. the venice group has their stuff going on. i feel like antoinette never initiates or keeps up a conversation and just gives me one-word responses. christina d never asks how i am but when i ask, she just bitches forever and ever. everyone's too busy with everything, and i'm feeling disconnected and left out.

hopefully this too shall pass. if the good passes, i'm hoping so will the bad.

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fazbear-security · 11 months

Text

Soul Shift - Ch. 4

Ao3

Dinner went surprisingly smoothly, given the rampant excitement running around the table about the promised park trip the next day.

By popular demand, they had gone with spaghetti and meatballs. Sasha had volunteered to help finish the laundry for him (and procrastinate her own homework just a little) while Mike cooked, and Jodie had taken Reeses out for a walk before the kids could get him too riled up before dinnertime. Despite the timer slowly counting down until the pasta was ready, Mike leaned against the counter by the oven, guarding it from curious little hands with his presence as he helped talk through homework problems from across the room.

“....so, if you don’t want to count how many times six can fit into seventy-eight, what do you do?” Mike spared a quick glance at the timer to keep an eye on it as Bugs wrinkled his nose in thought.

“Um….you….try to fit six into seven…?” His brother said hesitantly. Mike grinned.

“Exactly! And how many times can you fit six into seven?” He prompted. His brother’s face brightened in realization.

“Only once! So I put a one on top, over the seven!” He scribbled frantically on his worksheet. Lynn cast her older brother a withering look from her side of the table.

“You don’t have any helpful advice like that for dissecting To Kill a Mockingbird, do you?” She asked, knowing, by her tone, that he did not. Mike shook his head with a small smile.

“I struggled in my Lit. classes just as much as you do.” He admitted. Thank goodness for his own older siblings, or he’d never have passed. “Maybe we can give Franco a call in the morning, before school, and get his advice?“ With a three hour time difference between Oregon and New York, their brother was probably getting ready for bed about now, but his day would already be in full swing by the time the school bus came by.

“By the way, Mikey,” Sasha walked into the kitchen dusting off her hands, and ruffled Lynn’s hair briefly as she passed. “Mr. Berra wanted me to tell you that they need you to come in earlier tonight. Like, 11:45-ish?” She mistook her brother’s look of unease for the regular retail variety, and shrugged. “Sorry, he didn’t say why, but you’ll be getting paid that extra time, right?”

“...right.” Mike forced himself to smile before the cold butterflies in his stomach could ruin the mood of dinner. “Woo, money.” His sister grinned at the joke she so often made, herself, and Mike was mercifully spared any more talk of work by their mother returning with the dog. Homework was quickly shoved into backpacks in favor of pasta, and Mike tried to focus on the happier moment of a family dinner.

When dinner was over, Mike volunteered to do the dishes as the kids scattered, and took his time scrubbing marinara stains while trying not to look at the kitchen clock. He only had an hour and a half before he needed to get ready and leave. He tried to tell himself that it would be fine - the animatronics never moved before midnight, so he’d just have more time to get settled in the office, right? Mike stared down into the soapy water as he wiped off a dried piece of spaghetti. More like more time to let his anxieties get the better of him…

And a distraction like that could - no, would - cost him dearly.

Eventually, he ran out of dishes to scrub, and grudgingly moved on to drying them, and putting everything back where it belonged in the cabinets. His siblings came down one by one to say goodnight before retreating into their rooms, and he retreated to his own, for a little while. There was a project sitting half-finished on his desk, but Mike ignored it in favor of just sitting on his bed. It was getting harder and harder not to look at the clock, and watch time slowly crawl minute by minute. Coffee came up beside the bed and stood up on her short little legs to paw at his sweatpants, and Mike bent over to pick her up.

“Hey, ragdolly…” He settled the cat on his lap, and she promptly burrowed her head into his stomach with a purr. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to play much today.” He sighed. “Too many chores to do. Coffee folded her paws beneath her as she settled down and closed her eyes. “Aw, come on. You know I’ve got to leave soon.” Mike lifted the loafing cat - despite her meows of protest - up to his face and kissed her fluffy little head before putting her down on the blankets and standing up.

It was 10:55pm, and he had to get ready for work.

The walk from his mother’s house to the Eastside strip mall where Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria was only took Mike twenty minutes, on a good night.

There were a few busy streets and an unlit overpass to cross, but this close to midnight, there were hardly any drivers out on the road to watch out for, anyway. Mike spared a quick glance back in the direction of traffic as he turned off the sidewalk and jogged across the asphalt toward the parking lot of the mall. It stood empty, as usual; dark storefronts plastered with ‘for rent’ signs or plywood boards surrounded the pale glow of the surviving pizzeria’s emergency lighting. Its colorful sign shone against the dark night sky like a beacon - though to Mike, it felt more like an omen…

A single car sat in the parking lot in front of the pizzeria, right beneath the one street light that didn’t flicker in an odd pattern as its light bulbs slowly died. The owner was standing in front of the pizzeria’s glass doors, as if waiting, and Mike shook his head as he approached. The figure was tall, broad-shouldered, and ominously shadowed by the building’s overhang, but he felt no fear.

“Anders,” Mike reached out a hand as he approached the sidewalk, and the figure reached out in kind to clasp his hand, and pull the smaller man into a familiar half-hug. “I keep telling you that you don’t have to wait for me.” He pulled back with a grin. “And Mr. Kline will never pay you the overtime, you know.”

“I know he won’t (the stingy bastard),” Anders - the dayshift security guard, and one of the few coworkers who gave Mike anything but the cold shoulder, these days - grinned back. “But I like making sure you get here alright. What if something happened to you on the walk over? If I wasn’t here waiting, nobody would notice you were gone until, like, 7am when you didn’t show up back at home.” A small part of Mike cringed at the thought, however joking, but he smiled on the outside.

Anders had no idea how true his words were, and he’d keep it that way, if he could.

“It’s been a year and nothing has.” He shot back instead as he dug his keys out of his pocket, and started flipping through them to find the right one. “You’re gonna regret missing these precious hours of sleep, one day, I’m telling you.”

“And you would know from experience, wouldn’t you, Mr. Death Wish?” Anders snatched Mike’s uniform cap off his head, ruffled his short hair, and dropped the cap back while his coworker's hands were busy unlocking the front door. “I take it from your non-zombified state, your mom didn’t try to push decaf on you again?”

“She didn’t say anything today, no, but she did try to hide my coffee grounds.” Mike half-opened the door and looked up at his taller friend with a flat stare. “She put them on the top shelf and I had to climb on the counter to get them down.”

“That’s just what you get for being 5’5”.” The 6’4” man laughed out loud as Mike closed the door, locked it between them, and flipped him off through the glass. He waved at his coworker as he stepped off the sidewalk and started to walk back to his car. “Have a nice night, Mike.”

“You, too, Anders.” Mike waved back, even though he knew his voice wouldn’t carry far enough through the glass, and let his smile drop as the car began to pull away. He turned around and moved through the entryway, adjusting his bag on his shoulder, and paused briefly to look up at the stage. The curtains were drawn, as they always were after the last show of the day, but through a gap in the fabric, Mike could just see the glimmer of light shining off of Freddy’s microphone, and Bonnie’s guitar. He shivered, and hurried on to the break room to clock in.

It was only 11:46pm, but the sooner he could get into his office, the better.

He had only just placed his bag down in the chair, however, when the lights abruptly cut, and the hum of the building’s power died. Mike’s heart leapt into his throat, and he threw himself at the desk, yanking open a drawer and fumbling around in it until his hand found the bulky flashlight rolling around near the back. He turned it on and immediately swung the light around the room, but he was alone; no animatronics were looming in the windows, and no shadowy hallucinations were blocking the doors. Mike looked at his watch, but the glowing red numbers only read 11:48pm. Why had the power gone out so early?!

He took a deep breath, and then another when the first one sounded too panicky for him to work with. Okay, okay, it was fine. He still had twelve minutes until the animatronics woke up. Maybe one of the fuses in the basement had blown? It wouldn’t be the first time (though it had always happened during the day, before), and Jeremy from the kitchen had told him where the spare fuses were, in case this ever happened at night.

He could just run down to the basement, replace the fuse, and run back to the office before midnight - easy-peasy.

Slowly, Mike leaned his head out of the east door, and shone his flashlight down the hallway. All he saw were dust motes in the air, and the shimmers of light off the strings of paper stars and thumbtacks in the walls. Holding the flashlight with both hands to keep it from shaking, he stepped out of the office and hurried down the hall, only slowing when he reached the party hall.

He crept between the tables and chairs, set for the next day’s scheduled parties, and kept his flashlight low. Every little sound he heard caused him to jump, but the curtains never rustled, and none of the animatronics seemed to move. The guard managed to reach the backstage hall without incident, and turned around to watch the party hall as he backed around the corner. In doing so, he missed the large, dark figure that sat slumped in front of the basement door. It’s white eyes bored into the back of his head, but when Mike turned around, the hallway was empty…

And the basement door was already slightly ajar.

#mun's writing #Mike Schmidt #Schmidt's Siblings #Fazbear Staff #fanfic: Soul Shift #((put the majority under a cut to save the dashboard this time))

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chickadeegirl · 2 years

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Huge rant but I have to get it off my chest

I love my brother don’t get me wrong but sometimes I really wish I didn’t have a brother I have an older brother I love him but when he is around I don’t exist. My brother is a united state marine I’m a professional chef so when we are all together my brother gets everything

Little back story I’m from North Carolina but spent half of my childhood in California we would spend six months in North Carolina and six months in California due to me dads work my parents always acted like they treated my brother and I the same but they didn’t and still don’t if we took the dog for a walk it was told if you have the leash you have to clean up after the dog I was always made to pick up after the dog but my brother never had to my mom would pick up after the dog for him I was made to help with laundry dishes cleaning the house etc. my brother never did anything was never made to do it my brother is 23 doesn’t know how to cook for himself or wash clothes we had to teach him how to wash clothes before he left for the marines. I’m allergic to mushrooms but my mom would cook with mushrooms because that’s what the recipe called for I would have to fix myself something else she would cook one thing for the family and make my brother something else if he didn’t like it but never me even if I was allergic

Fast forward to now my dad still works In Cali but my mom know permanently live here with him and we are on family vacation I got here on Friday I was asked what I wanted for dinner and I told I wanted Tommy’s a burger restaurant when i finally got here mom said we know you wanted Tommy’s but we have frozen pizza but if your just absolutely have to have Tommy’s I guess we can get it eating is a very tough subject for me I have a ED (I’m trying to work though that but saying if you absolutely have to eat something to me makes me feel like you are judging me and makes me feel guilty then I will not eat! something they know) so I told them I changed my mind and didn’t want Tommy’s that I wasn’t really hungry and frozen pizza sounded good now my brother got here Saturday dad and mom picked him up at 12 they went to eat at Panda Express as soon as he got here then came home where I was left so I could unpack didn’t bring me anything to eat then they asked what he wanted to eat for dinner he said in-n-out so we got in-n-out last night because that’s what he wanted now it’s Sunday I was going to fix myself an egg and my brother said he wanted eggs too will there was only two eggs so I was told to fix them for my brother and I could eat something else then came dinner they asked my brother what he wanted for dinner he said buca de beppo and Italian restaurant we like it’s a family share kind restaurant one order can feed at least three people he said lasagna and pepperoni pizza so they ordered lasagna and pepperoni pizza growing up we eat lasagna ones a week because my brother loves it I hate lasagna we always had to get pepperoni pizza because it’s the only one my brother will eat no one asked me what I wanted not that it would matter if they did it’s not what my brother wants so they wouldn’t get if anyways.

We are going to Disney tomorrow I know it will be like always ride what my brother wants and eat where my brother wants when he wants when I was younger they would say we will ride what you want next or eat where you want tomorrow but that never happened now it’s always your brother is in the marines he doesn’t get to eat at theses places and you can come to Disney when ever you want (witch I know I can but still) growing up we where homeschooled I had to fix my own breakfast and set my alarm and get ready for school I would take my lunch break and fix myself something my mom made him breakfast woke him up in the morning made sure he had everything for school fix him lunch same with going to church every Sunday I was responsible for my self I’m two years younger them him but he always comes first. On the very rare occasions my mom would cook breakfast or lunch for me my brother would always be extra hungry and eat all of it or almost all of it so I had to cook for myself.

When my brother left for the marines I was 16 my brother got stationed In Hawaii and my mom decided to move to California and live full time with my dad to be closer to my brother and left me in North Carolina I was now totally responsible for my self and the house they still paid all the bills thank god

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sanchoyo · 3 years

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My sleep schedule is messed up and I’m trying to fix it as fast as possible just in Case I get a call to an interview, I don’t want to be half dead and driving whenever that is bc I’ve been up all night obviously, but also? I always feel a lot better mentally when I have a nice sleep schedule where I’m not up All Night. Like, it makes me feel like a Regular Person when I can Sleep at night. Like yea this IS the Designated Sleep Time!! And I’m in bed for it, look!! Like people do!!! People Who Function Well can do this and I’m Doing it Too!!! Lmao

#you guys know what I mean #anyway I am going to call a place back in 20 mins and I have Not slept at ALL so I’m hoping I don’t forgot my own name or smth stupid #bc I know I’m incoherent when I’m sleepy I Know I am #I’m aware of it but I can’t do anything #please god don’t let them be so desperate to hire that they want me to come in today for an interview #like I will be dead 💀#my idea is to stay up as long as I can until at least noon to try and be sleeping at night again #I’m already struggling #I want…bed. pillows. blankets #comfy cozy time #ARHGH #I always end up sleeping way way too much when I can sleep which is kinda a problem sometimes #the bare minimum tires me out tho 🤧#and anxiety can make it hard to fall asleep so when I AM asleep I never want to get up bc it’s hard to go Back to Sleep Later #horrible combo #I am trying my best to keep myself busy but I’ve done abt as much cleaning and stuff as there is to do #I did the dishes. I did laundry. I picked up and walked my dog and dusted #I thought maybe I’d write more but my brain is too Fried for it rn it’s not making good sentences #so that’s out #and my art block is back so that’s also out 🥲#just gonna sit and be Wirh my Thoughts I Guess #😟#sanchoyorambles

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jasntodds · 3 years

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The Moment I Knew [t.h.]

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Request: @softholand - number 9 from the dialogue prompts with tom holland, please? ♡

Prompt: "Do you need a place to stay tonight?”

Summary: Tom might be your friend but he hates your boyfriend and at your birthday party, it all becomes clear why

Warnings: Angst, douchebag boyfriend, swearing, fluff

Words: 4,131

A/n: I promise I’m doing the requests, just very slowly lol And like with the release of Red TV, I was very inspired so here we are. Lemme know what you guys think!! Masterlist in bio!!

Your birthday is the one day a year where it’s really about you. The one day a year where, for once, you get to not worry about anyone else. Everyone is there to celebrate with you and it’s always been fun. As a kid, your parents always threw you a party and it wasn’t really anything crazy, but it was always nice getting to have all of your friends over at the same time to play games and open presents, have your favorite cake. Relatives you didn’t see all the time would come and it was always just fun. As an adult, things change and birthdays seem to become less important, but you always made sure to at least have your closest friends and family over for dinner and dessert to celebrate. And you always did the same for them for their birthdays. So, this year was to be no different.

“Happy birthday!” Tom cheers as you open your door, a small gift bag in his hand.

“I told you no presents.” You roll your eyes with a small smile and welcome him into your home.

He shrugs, cheesy grin plastered across his face. “Couldn’t help myself.” He hands over the little bag.

“Thank you.” You say, the smile unable to leave your face. “What’re you doing here anyway? Dinner isn’t for like another hour?”

“Figured I’d help.” Tom offers, kicking off his shoes.

“Think we got it covered.” You let out a soft laugh. “My mom’s in the kitchen.”

“Perfect. I can help.” Tom gives you a toothy smile before heading towards your kitchen, you following right behind.

You've been friends with Tom for years. He's been with you through thick and thin, becoming one of your favorite people and one of the people you can rely on the most. You don't even have to ask for anything, he just seems to know if you need something or someone to just talk to and he's just there. He pays attention probably more than anyone and you appreciate it. Everyone needs someone they can rely on and that's Tom. Mr. reliable.

"Hey, Tom." Your mom chimes as she sees Tom enter the kitchen where she's just started preparing the food.

"Hey." He chimes back with a smile. "Care for some help?"

"It's okay, you just take a seat." Your mom answers with a soft smile.

Tom might be reliable but he isn't the most helpful person in the kitchen. He isn't a bad cook but he kind of likes things to go his way a bit in the kitchen and does them without even thinking. So, unless you want Tom to take his own spin on your favorite dish, it's best to just not have him help.

"Are you sure?" Tom offers, puppy dog eyes and all.

"She's sure." You put your hands on his shoulders. "We'll just get the table ready so we don't have to do it later." You walk over to the counter where the plates and silver wear lay, picking some stuff up, Tom following your lead.

"So....where's the boyfriend?" Tom asks as the two of you get to setting the table.

"He'll be here." You get defensive immediately.

Tom puts out a hand in defense. "Was just wondering, he lives here."

You shrug. "He had something to do first. But he'll be here by dinner." Your voice still contains annoyance.

Tom has never been very fond of your boyfriend since the first time you brought him around for drinks to meet everyone. At first, it was some vibe or something but now, to you, it's like Tom finds any reason he can to not like him. Whether it's because your boyfriend forgot to ask if you wanted food when he stopped on his way home, or he missed a dinner, or missed a date, or was late to a party, or forgot to put in the laundry while you were at work and he was off. If you complain to Tom about it, Tom uses it as a reason to hate him, something that drives you nuts.

"I'm sure he will." Tom says, not even believing himself but not wanting to cause a fight.

"Good." You mutter as another knock on your door sounds.

When you open the door, you're greeted by two of your friends who you welcome in. And just like that, your party had begun. More of your friends arrived and soon, your home was filled with laughter and happy smiles, everyone there to celebrate your birthday. But, dinner was getting closer, your mom had called out about fifteen minutes left and you had already checked the window that looks out to your driveway a dozen times and your boyfriend still isn't here. And you've texted him a few times, only to get short responses that he'd be there soon, still busy, whatever it is that he's doing is taking longer than he expected. It didn't really matter because dinner was almost done and he was nowhere to be seen. He said he'd be here.

And then dinner was ready. Everyone came around the table and you put up this fake smile, trying to enjoy the people that did show up for dinner, a lingering sense of hope in the pit of your stomach that he would still make it for dessert. But, the more time that went by, the more the hope diminished and your friends picked up on your lack of enthusiasm. Tom, in particular.

He watched you go from excited and happy when he first arrived, to barely able to hold a conversation, constantly checking your phone, looking at the window. His distaste towards your boyfriend holds true, but he had hoped he'd show up, if for no other reason than the fact you live together. Surely, the least he could do was come home, right? But Tom is watching you try to tell a funny story of something that happened at work last week, only for the story to fall flat the longer you talk. It's a bit heartbreaking to watch and he catches glimpses of your other friends, everyone collectively thinking the same thing. You're hurt and that's the last thing anyone should be on their birthday.

"I'll be right back." You excuse yourself from your guests once dinner is done and plates have been cleared, everyone nodding in response.

Once you were out of earshot, one of your friends pipes up. "Where the fuck is he?"

"Y/n said he said something to do." Your mom states.

"Whatever the hell that means." Tom rolls his eyes. "He's not comin'."

"We could find him and egg his car." One of your other friends offers, gaining a chuckle from everyone besides your mom.

"Don't vandalize." Your mom scolds, trying to hold back a grin.

"You don't like him, do you, Mrs. y/l/n?" Your friend asks.

"I did." She defends herself. "But not lately."

"Y/n deserves better. He's just a prick." Tom groans. "Who doesn't show up for their significant other, all the time, but on their birthday?"

"A douchebag." One of your other friends says.

A light chuckle leaves Tom's lips as he shakes his head because your friend is right and he's just glad he's not the only one who thinks it. Of course, he's known this given he is friends with your friends and they've all had their fair share of conversations about your boyfriend always being late and ditching you. However, Tom can't sit here and just talk shit when you've been gone for almost twenty minutes now. As your friend, he decides to check on you.

You're sat on your bed, looking at your phone screen, watching the bubbles appear and then disappear while you wait for a response. It's been, what seems like, half an hour of just watching the bubbles with no response. And at this point, it doesn't feel like you're actually going to get one.

"Hey." Tom stands in your doorway, clearing his throat. "What're you doin'?"

"Nothing." You shake your head, forcing a smile to your face as you lock your phone.

"He's not comin', is he?" He asks, a look of sadness coming across his face.

Despite how much he can't stand your boyfriend, he sometimes makes you happy and you want him here. And he should be here. It's your birthday.

"Oh, yeah." You say, keeping your voice chipper. "He's just running late."

Tom nods slowly, having seen this play over and over and over again. It's like the worst song in history just constantly being played on the radio. Your boyfriend is always late, if he shows at all and this is just another example.

"What?" You ask, standing up from your bed, ready to go back to your party to put on a good face.

"He's always late." Tom mutters.

"He's busy." You defend, crossing your arms over your chest.

"We're all busy but we still show up on time....most of the time at least."

"Well, you're just different."

Tom scoffs and rolls his eyes. "That's a way of puttin' it."

You glare at him, walking towards the door and moving past him. "You don't like him, I get it but you're wrong about him." You let out a sigh, not wanting to argue with your friend on your birthday. "He'll be here. He said so."

"Whatever, y/n." Tom shakes his head, gesturing a hand towards the hallway. "Just go back to the party then, ya know, with the people who actually came."

You look over your shoulder to glare at Tom but only for a second before continuing your way to the party. Sometimes, you just wish he'd understand. You can't help who you like and who you don't like. You've never faulted him for disliking your boyfriend. You've tried to get Tom to like him by trying to get them to be around each other and such but you've never held it against him. Your boyfriend isn't a huge fan of Tom either. But, for once, you'd just like for Tom to put his dislike away and just try to understand. Try to understand why it means so much to you, try to understand that you've built this life, in this home, with your boyfriend. Him not being here is hurtful. Absolutely painful. And you just don't want to be talked to about it.

"There you are!" Your mom says. "How about some cake?" She offers with a kind but sad smile.

"That sounds great." You put up the fake smile again, nodding softly and taking your seat back at the table, Tom right behind you.

Your mom brings out the cake, candles lit and all. It's your favorite flavor and favorite colors and it looks really nice. Everyone is gathered around, smiling for you and one by one, they chime in to sing happy birthday. And for just those few seconds of singing and you blowing out the candles, you feel a little better. Everyone was there for you, to celebrate for you, and you're upset over the one person who didn't show. You can't help it but in just that time, it did help and for the rest of your party, your smile wasn't as fake as it was and you were able to hold more conversations. It was easier not to glance at the window or your phone, easier, not easy. But you did it.

And then the night ended. Everyone said their goodbyes, besides Tom who insisted he would stay to help you clean. Which also meant you insisted your parents not help since you had Tom and they did eventually agree. Them leaving after a few 'I love you's'. And that leaves just you and Tom, cleaning up plates and washing dishes.

"Uh, how ya doin'?" Tom asks, clearing one of the plates.

A rush of sadness overcomes you. "He said he would be here." You chew your lip, getting the dishwater started.

"Did he ever text you back?" Tom puts the dish in the sink, moving to the side to dry the dishes after you wash them.

You shake your head. "No." You let out a sigh. "You were right, are you happy?"

"Do ya think that little of me?" Tom scoffs, brows furrowed. "Hate the guy, don't want you to get hurt though."

"You told me so." You say, almost in a mocking tone, trying to hold back tears.

"Rather be wrong than right if it meant you didn't get hurt." Tom states, keeping his voice level, seeing the tears build up in your eyes. "He's not worth it."

"What?" You croak, handing him a dish.

"He's not worth it. Never shows up or he's late, he's just worth it."

"I like him." You mumble, a tear falling.

"I know." Tom acknowledges, the everlasting sting piercing his heart with your words. "Think that's always enough, though?"

You shake your head. "No. Um..." You pause with a sniffle. "I think, uh, I don't know. We've been together awhile and I don't want to throw it away but...he couldn't even show up for my birthday...." Your voice goes quiet at the end of your sentence, as if realizing there's nothing for you out of this relationship. You give and give and give but all your boyfriend ever does is just take. He couldn't give you five minutes tonight. Not even a text back.

As Tom tries to figure out what to say, the both of you hear the door open and footsteps coming towards the kitchen after a few seconds. There stands your boyfriend. Late as ever and seeming to be completely unbothered as he moves to the fridge in search of leftovers.

"Hey." You say.

"Hey, what's for dinner?"

Tom is sure his blood pressure spiked with the question. It is your birthday. It's not up to you to determine what's for dinner for him. Had he been here like he promised you he would be, he would have known and would have eaten. He should know anyway. It's your favorite food.

"It's my birthday." You keep your voice quiet, afraid it'll crack if you raise it.

"I told you happy birthday earlier." He shrugs his shoulders, grabbing one of the containers from the fridge.

In any relationship, there's always a moment when someone just knows. Whether it be that they're in love, that the relationship isn't going anywhere, the other person isn't for you, whatever it may be. There is always a moment and this is yours. This is the moment you knew your boyfriend is never going to care for you in the way you do him and he's never going to be there for you in the way you need him to be, in the way Tom is and your other friends. It was the little things piling up over and over and over and while you hated Tom for pointing them out, you understand because had you listened to him, maybe you wouldn't be ready to scream and maybe you wouldn't be the one getting so hurt right now.

"Are you serious?" You say, disbelief across your face. "It's my birthday and you didn't even show up!"

"I had something to do." He shrugs you off, ignoring the hurt tone of your voice.

"More important than being here?"

"Kinda."

"Bullshit!" You yell. "What were you doing then?"

He chuckles, shaking his head. "I don't have to tell you. What's the big deal? You have a birthday every year."

"It matters to me!"

"It's just this one time."

"No, it's not! You always do this. You're either late or you don't even show up!"

"My plans are important, too, y/n. You have got to calm down." He brushes you off again and it's taking everything in Tom not to just butt in but he figures you need to get everything off your chest now or you never will.

"You had plans, with me!"

"I'm here now."

"You live here." Your eyes widen at his audacity to try and belittle your feelings over this.

"Exactly. So, calm down and have some dinner with me."

"I ate. With everyone else! Do you even care about me at all?"

An annoyed laugh leaves his lips. "Holy shit." He scoffs. "You're crazy, you know that?"

"Watch it." Tom scolds, finally piping up. He'll let this go as long as you're the one getting everything off your mind and chest but not when your boyfriend is gonna call you crazy. You have every right to be mad and upset with him.

"Stay out of it." Your boyfriend glares back at Tom.

"Don't think I will." Tom shakes his head. "You're a prick who doesn't deserve y/n and the least you can do is hear y/n out."

"Wanna shut him up?" Your boyfriend looks to you.

"You shut up! All you ever do is make me feel bad about myself!"

"Then leave." His voice is nonchalant, casual, almost cruel as he just goes on to make himself a plate.

Something in you told you that today was gonna be the end of it. Something in the very pit of your stomach ached in a way it hasn't before and you just knew. You knew when he wouldn't text you back, when he said he had something to do. But, even then, you didn't expect it to hurt in this way. And maybe had it been you that told him to leave, it wouldn't hurt but it's so much that he just doesn't care. He tells you to leave as if it's second nature and that hurts most of all. Not a breakup or the realization that he doesn't love you or that maybe you don't even love him. But that it didn't even bother him.

With tears in your eyes, you leave the kitchen and head to your room, Tom right on your heels. He follows you all the way to your room where you're going into your closet for a bag and tossing miscellaneous things onto the bed haphazardly. He told you to leave so that's what you'll do. You figure you'll call your mom and go back to the home where you grew up and lived not too long ago. You don't know where you'll go from there but being anywhere is better than being in this home with someone who doesn't even care about you.

"Hey." Tom says gently, moving over to you and resting his hands on your shoulders. "Do you need a place to stay for tonight?" Tom offers.

"A-are you sure? I was gonna go to my parents'."

Tom nods quickly. "Yeah, yeah, 'course. That's what friends are for, ya?" He offers a soft smile.

"Thanks." You nod sheepishly.

"Just grab some stuff for tonight and tomorrow and I can bring you back to pick up more things."

"I just...want to get it over with."

"I know but, uh, you're just throwing things. Think it might better to take a breath." Tom keeps his voice quiet and soft, careful not to sound too annoyed at the asshole in your kitchen.

You suck in a breath, knowing Tom has a point. Just throwing things around and not having a set plan as to what you're even going to grab isn't going to help. For all you know, you've only been tossing shirts and no bottoms onto the bed which really wouldn't help. Cleaning out your things isn't something to be done right now, it's something you should do with a clear mind and with your now ex-boyfriend not in the house.

"Yeah, okay." You agree, walking to the bed and figuring out what you need and what you don't need.

Once you've gathered a small bag for the night, you and Tom go to Tom's apartment, not a word spoken to your ex or between you and Tom on the way to his place. Tom isn't quite sure what to say. How does he tell his best friend that this is for the best without sounding like an asshole who'd just be belittling your feelings? It's true, but he can't just blurt that out. He doesn't really know if there's anything else he can do to cheer you up. Just bring you to his place, set up a place in the living room with the TV and your favorite comfort show. And that's what he did when you got to his apartment. You went to the bathroom to get changed and Tom set everything up with pillows and blankets and snacks.

"What's this?" You ask as you come back from the bathroom.

"Thought it'd help." Tom offers a smile. "Didn't think you'd wanna do much talkin'."

"Yeah." You let out a soft laugh, taking a seat on the couch with a soft blanket. "Not really."

"When you want to talk, I'll be here."

"I know." You nod, giving him a smile. "Thanks...for today." You pause for a second. "And the bracelet."

"You opened it?" Tom asks, surprise across his face.

"Of course. I opened it before you came to my room earlier." You chew your lip, messing with your fingers as you furrow your brows, Tom catching a glimpse of the bracelet on your wrist. "How'd you know I wanted that one?" You ask.

He got you a bracelet you'd been eyeing for a few months now. You'd shared it to one of your social media sites, a poor effort of hinting to your ex that you wanted it. Sometimes you'd do that and you never understood why because he always said he didn't see your posts and even if he did, you know it probably didn't matter anyway. And it's not really about the gift or lack thereof, but rather that Tom did go out of his way to get you something he knew you wanted and remembered.

"Saw it when you shared it. Um, you said he wasn't big on gifts so thought I'd get it in case he didn't." Tom answers, the corner of his mouth tugging into a gentle smile.

"I didn't think you paid that close of attention." A sense of embarrassment comes over you as you realize, you should have known.

Tom shrugs a shoulder. "Yeah." He chuckles and scratches the bridge of his nose. "Guess when ya like someone it just happens." Tom lets out a beath knowing it's a risk of telling you now after everything but....there's a part of him that thinks maybe it'll make you feel better.

Not in a manipulative way or him thinking you should just get together now or anything like that. But, in the way that you didn't have to try so hard with this guy who treated you like crap. People are gonna like you just the way you are. And when they do, they'll do what you deserve, what you need. He hopes that telling you he's liked you will maybe make you feel better about the decision to leave when he told you to and not to argue or fight for it. Maybe it'll just make you realize you deserve better and better doesn't have to be Tom, it just has to be better than the guy you were dating.

"I didn't know."

"Yeah," Tom lets out a breathy chuckle. "Didn't want ya to."

"Why not?" You furrow your brows in confusion.

"Never seemed like the right time." Tom shrugs but quickly continues. "Not that now is a good time, I suppose, but....thought maybe you should know anyway, I guess."

"Thanks." The smile across your lips can't seem to budge. "I liked you, too, I just didn't know you felt that way and then...I met...ya know."

"Well," Tom sucks in a breath. "In a few months, when you've had time for this, wanna go on a date with me? Don't wanna rush you and you don't have to answer now and you can change your mind, too." Tom's voice is soft and kind and gentle and a stark contrast to the voice you'd grown so used to hearing from ex and it is so comforting.

"Okay." You agree. "Yeah, I'll need some time but for now, yeah that would be nice."

"Until then," Tom tosses you a package of candy. "We can just watch the lame show like." He lets out a laugh as you glare at him.

"You love it." You roll your eyes before getting comfy, stretching your legs out onto Tom's lap while Tom plays the show.

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#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland one-shot #tom holland one shot #tom holland imagine

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dogstarblues · 10 months

Text

accomplishments, 12/7/23

brushed my teeth

made and ate breakfast

made and ate lunch

did laundry

did laundry again

did the dishes

made my dog's food

boiled my dog some eggs

made a call with my publisher

had an appt with a nurse practitioner

dressed in an outfit

re-organized next semester's curriculum

re-organized clothes for my mid-late-january trip (i know, it's too early.)

selected jewelry for the trip (listen. i know.)

cleaned room a bit

picked clothes up off the floor

re-organized potential bags for my trip (LOOK. that might change again LMAO.)

changed my jacket for the trip (haha!)

re-organized my clothes for the trip AGAIN (HHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

had a final call with my thesis advisor

made a call to the circuit court

walked my dog 30 min

hydrated after being dehydrated all day

wrote in my planner

made dinner

#dogstar speaking

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miekasa · 3 years

Note

Roommate Au with Eren. That’s it.

No no no no because I’ve thought about this extensively, and I actually believe he’d be a pretty good roommate (or at the very least, he means well most of the time, even if he is slightly annoying in his methods LMAO).

He… is not the best cook in the world, and he knows that. He can make about 2.5 dishes properly: spaghetti and [frozen] meatballs, a grilled cheese maybe with bacon if he’s feeling up to challenge, and a soup that his mom used to make for him as a kid whenever he got sick.

So, you’re gonna have to handle the majority of the cooking, BUT the good news is that Eren will do the dishes as a thanks for sharing with him and not letting him starve and/or live off of UberEats credits.

His favorite rooms in the house are the living room and your room. Not his room, not the bathroom, not the kitchen—your room. Why? Because you’re in there, duh, and it’s not his so that makes it that much better.

Eats your leftovers in the fridge unless you put a note on them. Sometimes, he’ll still eat it if he’s hungry enough or in a rush, and you’ll come home to an empty fridge, but there’ll be a new note on top of a $20 bill that says “Sorry I ate your pad thai :( you can buy some more tho (and get me some too hehe)”

If you’re just lazing around in your room for an extended amount of time, Eren will just come in and. Flop down on your bed—maybe even on top of you—and whine about how he’s bored and how you’re being boring and how you should entertain and hang out with him instead.

Claims your room is comfier than his room, so of course he’s gonna wanna be in there. He’ll literally lay and sit on the floor and watch a whole ass movie on his phone in your room, just because.

If you have or collect stuffed animals or Squishmallows or anything of the sort, he always giggles at them, but thinks they’re super cute. And when he’s out without you and sees some, he sends you a picture of them and asks if you want any, and he’ll buy them for you.

He gets you very… involved? if that makes sense. He likes to do things with you and hang out with you—he doesn’t wanna live with some stranger, so if you’re rooming with him, prepare to become friends very quickly.

Eren’s a bit of an… outgoing introvert? not-so-social extrovert? something like that in my book lmfao, so he knows what it’s like to just wanna sit in your room for days on end; but he also knows there’s a limit to how good/restorative that can be, and when it can become an issue.

That being said, if you’re having an extended depressive and/or introverty episode, Eren will shake you out of it. Literally. He will burst into your room, and grab you and probably toss you over his shoulder to get you physically moving, all while yelling about plans he made for the two of you.

Drags you with him to the grocery store, under the claim that he needs help “picking out the good apples,” when really he just wants to get you out of the house, and spend some time with you.

Once again, will use the method of flopping on top of you and/or draping himself over you like, “Hey, so what time do you think we should leave for dinner, I’m thinking around 8?” “What—did we have dinner plans, Eren?” “We do now! So, I’m thinking tacos, what do you think!!”

His personal favorite way to get you up and moving is to ask you to do his hair for him. Gives you his best puppy dog eyes, and pulls at your wrist until you comply, then he sits down criss-cross applesauce right in the middle of your bed, and waits for you to work your magic. Purposely acts a bit difficult just to bring out your feisty side and have you fight back against him.

He’ll legit. Build you a whole ass pc and gaming setup just for you to play games with him. He’s dedicated, that’s for sure. (That won’t stop him from absolutely crushing you from time to time).

He likes to bother you (affectionate). Pushes you over when you’re sitting down on the couch, shoves your phone when you’re holding it so it falls on your face, presses his cold water bottle on the back of your neck and then runs away. Like a child.

He always takes out the trash, especially if it’s late at night, except he always forgets about the 239725 water bottles he’s got piled up in his room and around the living room, so you’ve always gotta take out an extra bag of recycling the following morning.

Your skincare is his skincare <2

Makes you go out with him when he makes plans with his friends, but only ever tells you about it maybe an hour beforehand via text.

yeager: hey jean and marco are having a lil kickback thing at their place so i'm coming to pick u up be ready in like 30 mins

yeager: oh also bring the bottle of vodka in the kitchen kirsten is always stingy with the good stuff 🙄

you: ok and who asked ME if i wanna kickback with jean and marco and co?????

yeager: nobody!! i’m just telling u to get dressed!! love u ill be there soon 🥳🥳

He starts doing his laundry whenever you do yours. Partially to annoy you, partially because it’s somewhat more efficient that way, and partially because he’s watching you like a hawk to make sure he doesn’t mess up his own clothes lmfao

He’ll roll weed for you only if you promise to share a joint with him, and don’t flake!! He’ll catch you in your sleep if you flake, he knows where you live.

When you both come home kinda drunk after a night out, he always dramatically tells you goodnight and to “get home safe,” even though “getting home safe” means walking from the living room down the hall to your room.

Tells everyone you’re the best roomie anyone could ask for, and does a not so humble brag about all his favorite roommate qualities that you exude.

If he has a little crush on you, he’ll try not to make it obvious; and truthfully, he doesn’t act all that different, except now maybe he finds more excuses to touch you and tries to up the romance when you two “hang out” together.

He starts looking (staring) at you more, and is always embarrassed if you ever catch him. I don’t think that he would ever tell you unless he was 120% sure you liked him back, because that would lead to a really awkward living situation if you rejected him, or if he made you uncomfortable with his feelings.

But if you do like him back, once again, few things will change: it’s just that now, he’ll sneak into your room in the middle of the night for cuddles, and you’ll get a kiss on the forehead for cooking him dinner <3

#anonymous #ladies and mistakes i love him dearly i do i mean it #eren x reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren fluff #aot x reader #alright that's enough #eren.ask #minicanons

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