#I don't get it. They say such wise and intelligent stuff sometimes. How can they be so DUMB

[that-green-haired-swordsman]

Nami: Geez what's that noise on deck

Usopp: Just Luffy and Zoro having a fight

Nami: What about

Usopp: Whose turn it is to use that one brain cell they share

[3hks]

How to Write the "Black Cat" Character

A trope that's becoming increasingly popular right now is the "Black Cat and Golden Retriever" dynamic! And with good reason: their opposition in character makes such a cute and fun relationship! So today, let's explore the "Black Cat" character and how to write them!

OVERVIEW

The Black Cat is known to be introverted and can seem harsh at times; they tend to avoid people and might not talk a lot. They also dislike showing vulnerability or sensitivity, which results in their genuine emotions getting concealed more often than not. In general, they aren't great at dealing with other people.

DIALOGUE

In general, the "Black Cat" is not known for making a lot of friends and getting along with everyone. One of the main reasons for this is because of their communication, which we'll explore!

**SUBTEXT**

Like I said, this character archetype is not honest about their true feelings towards people. When talking, they have a tendency to avoid or lie about the topics they may find sensitive or don't want to share. Thus, their dialogue isn't all that reliable.

So instead, subtext is the key to portraying their emotions.

They could lie and say, "I'm not scared", but their tenseness and darting eyes betray their words, offering the truth without speaking. Those actions are the subtext.

This creates a contrast between their words and their actions, forming a more dimensional person! I'm not saying that they're dishonest all the time, but they will absolutely make something up if they have to, which makes communication with them just that much harder.

**SPEECH PATTERNS**

Everyone has their distinct speech patterns, and this trope is no different! The "Black Cat" is concise and terse with their speech. They're the type to respond with short, curt answers, which makes holding a conversation difficult because they don't feel the need to butter up their words. As a result, they can be quite blunt.

Obviously, that can pose a problem.

Additionally, more often than not, they're unaware of their ruthless honesty and/or struggle to understand why it could hurt someone.

On the other hand, they may say stuff they do not mean (much like word vomit), which can also be hurtful.

Tone-wise, they tend to have a blanker manner of speaking. Not necessarily in an emotionless way, but they speak more to get their point across than to express their emotions. So naturally, their tone is more consistently calm (or even cold) and involves less emotion.

Lastly, there's vocabulary. These characters are unlikely to use slang and generally don't stutter. They might have a richer vocabulary but also may not show it off when talking.

PERSONALITY

Let's break down some of the standard characteristics of this trope!

**FLAWS**

Blunt

Stubborn (Unwilling to accept help)

Closed off

Lack of communication skills

Struggles with empathy

Sometimes (unnecessarily) mean

Cold/Apathetic

**VIRTUES**

Intelligent

Analytical

Unbiased (Unless it the "Golden Retriever" is involved)

Highly skilled (Or a wide range)

Independent

Responsible

**GENERALIZED TROPES**

Tsundere

Apathetic

Mean/Cold

This is just a quick overview of their characters as a whole; the tsundere generally is softer compared to the other two. Although they act disinterested, they care deep down. On the other hand, an apathetic is one that strongly lacks empathy and emotions. They typically don't care about anything and may or may not be mean--it's up to you! And finally, there's the mean/cold type. Obviously, they have more hostile tendencies but sometimes it's a defense system in which they have no control over.

If you can't tell, this archetype is introverted with a more neutral temperament (it depends on how you write them, but the point is that they aren't all sparkles and butterflies). Most of their struggle consists of connecting with other people and building on that relationship. Normally, this is because they may feel that others weigh them down--especially if they themselves are gifted--or that they don't need anyone else because they can sustain themselves just fine. However, when they are close with someone, they're protective, if not overprotective of them.

**CHARACTER**

Another important aspect to keep in mind is that because the "Black Cat" won't show as much emotion and is considerably more serious, this character can easily seem too robotic. So how do we avoid this? We give them some more personal traits!

For starters, slowly establish any fears and/or weaknesses that your character has. The fact that they have their own vulnerabilities demonstrates that they are still human while adding some depth! I also suggest including backstory and dreams to build onto the dimension.

Following that, when they do open up, I recommend not skimping out when it comes to describing the importance of the moment! It doesn't have to be every time, but it allows you to demonstrate the value of their honest expression! Yes, it's mainly just for fun and fluff, but it doesn't hurt to be a bit dramatic about their elusive smile or laugh!

To finish up, the point of view the story takes place in is also crucial. If you're telling it from the "Black Cat's" POV, you have more access to their thoughts, which is pivotal when developing the character. However, they may be less self-aware about how their demeanor affects others.

On the flip side, if you're telling the story through the eyes of the "Golden Retriever", you get to establish how the other looks from someone else's angle and how they handle such a character.

Personally, I prefer to switch the perspective from time to time to get the full picture!

RELATIONSHIP

Here's the fun part! How does the "Black Cat" and "Golden Retriever" trope really function?

Most of the BC's character development actually happens around their partner or loved ones. This is because alone, they have no reason to change and they're perfectly fine with how they're functioning. However, with the GR, they must put in more effort into communication, opening up, asking for help, etc.

That slowly builds character development!

As expected, in their relationship, the BC is the most reliable and organized of the two, balancing out the GR's more reckless nature. Part of their enjoyability is the sheer opposition in their persona, but they should also break out-of-character for each other every once in a while.

What do I mean?

Well, like I mentioned before, although the BC is stoic and distanced, they should be willing to express their vulnerabilities and might even act uncharacteristically shy with their partner. Conversely, the happy and loveable GR may have serious moments when concerning their loved ones. That's how you can tell they do care about each other and that's what makes this dynamic so cute!

CONCLUSION

To summarize, the "Black Cat" is terrible at dealing with emotions and communication. As a result, their actions speak louder than words, so subtext is vital when their writing dialogue! Most of their development happens around their partner--not everything will change, but that's the beauty of this character!

Guys, I'm SO, SO sorry for uploading less recently; school is a mess right now so I'm trying my best to make it up! Homework is getting a bit overwhelming, and my tennis season is starting so I'm still trying to figure things out. With that being said, fall break is only a week away and I understand very well now that I need to prepare beforehand 😅 I genuinely apologize, and I'll working hard to clean my schedule up!

On a separate note, I appreciate all the asks I've been getting, it makes me so happy, so if you need something, please reach out! Thank you so much for making it all the way to the end, expect a post on writing "Golden Retrievers" soon! ;)

Happy writing~

3hks <3

[azure-cherie]

Some astro observations pt:4🧡

Hello how have yall been it's been a long long time so i hope you guys enjoy this post 🥹🧡

All of the observations here are based on sidereal/vedic measurements, this is what I have observed, take what resonates I'm not a professional astrologer, do not plagiarise my work !! I recently got into composite and synastry so i included some of my observations I hope you can relate to them.

🍁Moon - mercury - jupiter conjunction can make the native really intelligent and wise , but the downfall of this placement could be that you're always required to act tough in situations where you just need to let it flow or cry it out , it's like you have to be the mom of the house , like being the person who understands, they expect you to be the bigger person all the time , truth is it's not possible, the faster you realise that you choose your battles the better for you , always choose yourself and let your emotions flow , you don't have to intellectualise everything you got this sweetheart.

With this conjugation being in 10 H you might take an overload of work at your job , being in 11th too fixated on social media ,but at the same time you will be seen as someone who is really wise and would definitely listen to you , in the 5th 😭 it's like being a mother to your mother and people around you 😭 please don't, you are meant to live a free life , however with this being in the 3 rd house can make you a great writer a philosopher , very very intelligent, in 1st house would give you a nerd vibe or just someone who is very intelligent, this in the first could give you a very youthful appearance as well , since mercury represents skin along with the Jupiter and moon gives you like , people would say that you look like the young version of your mother . In the 12 would make you really spiritual and very psychic.

🍁The glass clear skin is a very Virgo thing y'all so pretty pretty. Along with it all chitras have a pearl shine to their skin , like greyish undertone , they're very famous as well.

🍁Having pisces placements in your big three might make you kind of aloof IDC what y'all say pisces know whom to give a fuck about, they ain't dealing with your half ass convos and half ass love, they are the loveliest people alive too i mean i don't know how they manage it , in purva bhadrapada know their worth they aren't sticking with you if you backstab them , they are mostly aloof and know their game very well , Uttara Bhadrapada's are great people very misunderstood, they are just kinda there is what people say , then one day you see the wrath of their anger and suddenly they are the villain like 💀 now no one likes them , you really cannot see a queen queening than that's your problem , with revati I've only observed one boy , like if you want someone to worship you get a revati man fr , they fall so hard in love , sometimes mould themselves which is not the healthiest thing , establishment of boundaries is quite a necessary theme initially for a revati after that you can vibe with what you have made for yourself.

🍁Pushya women will not hear you degrading yourself, they are one of the bestest friends you can have , they will love you more than you love yourself, be sure that you love them that deeply as well , their beautiful heart is a beautiful centerpiece it must be preserved with care .

🍁Hello Aquarius venuses so how many lovers did you gather this week damn like y'all charismatic as hell , i know some people with this placement they have so many lovers , they're pretty unforgettable 🥹 , also a lot of Aquarius Venuses could become others muses , they have the vibe of someone poets write about .

🍁9th H synastry is so interesting, like it's so much about wisdom and teaching each other stuff growing together, loving each other , being their for one another, like the person you are having with it could be a person with heavy anger issues and you are the only one who can calm them down , this synastry is good for partnerships , like in business as well , this will lead to the growth of both of you .

🍁Moon - sun synastry, oml 💀 initially it's great and nice and you love the play the tension, then deal with the ego clashes , i had it with an ex friend , could make you feel very unworthy, confused too but however it differs with houses as well , as for me it was my 1H moon so yeah 💀 rip my need to change myself anyway this was like when i was 13 or so , it's alright and works good if you're matured enough to handle it ig , no matter the synastry you can always work to make it in your favour .

🍁Composite moon in leo , is so good y'all see those relationships where people grow together and don't work against each other , this is that vibe , power couple, when with friends gives genuine happiness and appreciation for each other , in 2H might bring you money or you could work together for earning money , in 4H business investments, beautiful for growth .

🍁Composite moon in Taurus , i had this with two of the most closed off people I know you know what this makes them open up really easily to you like the whole world thinks they are really hard on themselves and always working but you know they love watching movies and cannot sleep without a soft toy and love heart shaped objects , how lovely is that 🥹.

🍁People with hasta placements are literally not addictied to the internet at all 😂 like please teach me too , and oftentimes they go off so that they can redirect their life , it's like initially they love being on the internet and then suddenly things happen in their life and boom they can't be found for months , but i think it's a good thing that they can focus on themselves now.

🍁Ardra woman and their joy and childlike energy and they way they love so beautiful so fierce , they are very upfront and tell you if they like you and will defend you fearlessly.

🍁Having punarvasu placements can make you very imaginative and good at writing, punarvasu placements can also deal with ardra like themes in their initial years , however due to the redirection theme of this nakshatra they go back to being soft . Also gossiping is a punarvasu sun thing not a punarvasu moon thing , you know i learnt that gossiping existed because of a punarvasu sun but then again that could be the synastry💀 .

🍁People expect Deva gana Nakshatras to be so giving oml it's just a gana no of us is a god 💀 and every Nakshatra has its good and evil side every human does , also a rakshasa gana keeps a Deva gana on their feet , like they can help them establish boundaries well , friendships between Deva and rakshasaganas are better than relationships. Manushya ganas keep vibing they can adjust with anyone which is the best part but if you're one know that your identity must only be influenced by things you wish to embody, don't just jump to get everything that attracts you , learn distinction, it's really nice to be a rakshasa gana , in this age you know how things work and can actively filter out what to fight for which is really hard for a Deva gana to do.

🍁Sun mercury conjunction can make you good with advice, your fame could be established through the education field, you could be really good at teaching people.

🍁Jyesthas literally do not have to try , they just naturally embody royalty, glamour , beauty , they know so much and are literally so humble , also i have noticed they're always busy or maybe it's a vibe around them , their life moves pretty fast they do a lot of things .

🍁Swatis are literally so pretty, so many popular and beautiful people i know have swati placements, rahu represents the divine feminine so makes sense, ardra being famous because of their childlike nature and social skills , Swati for their beauty and glamour , shatabhisha for their skills , rahu be ruling.

🍁An Ashwini woman is the definition of sophistication , so organized so pretty, knows their stuff and are really sweet and the bestest friend you can ever have .

🍁Vishakhas have had really hard experiences with their family, they could deal with a lot of emotional baggage of their mom , however i have seen most of it healing as they reach their adult stages after being in their teenage years, all the best to you my love you are strong and never alone.

🍁Mulas are very very religious ,they could even numb themselves through religion like it's okay to work on your traumas then to pray , like definitely god will help you but you gotta help yourself first , and after being really angry in their initial life they could become a believer of peace later, they value their alone time so much, also i know two mulas who just want to go down a pilgrim path although they are like so young.

🍁Uttara Phalgunis are so nurturing and loving, they literally love everyone which also makes them prone to being exploited 🤡 stop taking advantage of my queens 👑 , they deserve the world , they could also have a golden tint to their skin and are very enthusiastic towards life , could deal through some feuds with authority figure sometimes .

Do you guys want me to study divisional charts and make a post on it , if yes which one , general suggestions are very very welcome and requested , tell me anything you'd like me to make a post on 🧡

Thank you so much for reading

[thehopelessexception]

how can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22 (almost 24)

warning: im writing this while im on my period and eating ice cream.

i've been dissociating for what now? half a year maybe more. i dont recognize reality. i feel im floating in this sea we call society and i've been feeling the wilson of the story here. i assume everything that's happening around me is real, ofc. but that doesnt make it any less a convenient arrangement i build for myself to try to act like a real person and not freak out. i am feeling out of reality. like the part of the game where you let the sim on auto-mode. i am the sim on auto-mode. and i don't know how to stop this stage of oblivion.

to make a vague introduction, the thing with me is that im a living paradox of a full time contradiction. i am flamboyant but i hate being perceived. i like to speak up for myself but i hate people thinking about me because of it. i have my own process of how i understand things. i trust logic and i question everything. im quite skeptical over things when there's no empirical evidence. i seek for knowledge. critical thinking, data analysis and the whole stuff. i know myself. i sometimes look like i am too obnoxious, frivolous, morally corrupted (people have told me that), when i obsess over something —because i sometimes treat people like they are stupid (not my intention really)—; but probably the only thing im completely sure of is myself. i tend to be a confident person, to have an ego, to not let the guard down, to calculate every single move. and lately i am noticing myself being impulsive, insecure, nervous, weird, saying stupid shit, nonsenses, feeling small. and i don't know how to make it stop. the thing is i put my whole self-esteem backed up by my intelligence, however im not sure of anything anymore. i don't know if the reason behind not recognising myself lately is the fact i have somehow a new crush —or a new hyperfixation for that matter— or just the natural act of growing, also known as the quarter life crisis.

i have this thing where i hyperfix on random stuff, i've been like this my whole life. one of my friends even made a powerpoint of all the things i've been obsessed with over the years. and the issue here is that this things never last that much, or maybe they do? i actually never though about it. the most random ones i remember are probably me buying ice-cream cakes of this specific brand every week for two months. i also got obsessed with eating too many scrambled eggs all day every day for a very long time. then it was that turkish telenovela on an airing channel. then ofc succession, and it grew into watching every single movie kieran culkin was part of. the world cup. mbti —im intj by the way—. red white and royal blue (i watched it five times in a day), then nicholas galitzine —did yk he has a lineage that comes all the way from the romanovs?— and his entire filmography. and also politics, i got way into politics; election campaigns, follow up candidates, history, economy, the law, etc (my candidate lost tho) (we're succumbing to disgrace) (like literally we collectively, as a country, haven't had any kind of good news since then) (please help me). and etc etc. but the thing is, i also hyperfix on random people, or not so random i guess. it doesnt happen very often tho, im quite picky, but the procedure is this: i meet someone, they draw somehow my attention, i want to know everything about this person, i talk to this person a lot (medium to long term) (week to months), and then this person becomes my friend or i get bored and completely ignore them for the rest of my life and move on.

but this time is different, or im feeling it different. i find myself questioning everything i know and i was convinced of. i dont know if it has something to do with the fact that i met someone, probably the first person wise enough to make me question if i was ever correct about anything. maybe i am hyperfixating on this person, idealizing them. but it's truly amazing how much more data this person has about everything i know of. and right now i feel way too insecure, because even if this person told me they find me smart and they enjoy talking to me, i am always thinking that if i say something not completely fact-checked they'll think im stupid. it's absurd. it's a boohoo situation, i know. and it's a process im having about who am i, or what am i supposed to be. some months ago the whole context around my life changed or i think it changed? i dont know how to explain it, —i mean i know how but i would have to talk about other things not related to this (politics stuff, things happening in my country, etc). i'll probably will make a new post about it someday—. but the whole issue is, i dont know myself anymore. and everything is crumbling.

im afraid the person i build for myself it's a fraud. or doesnt exist anymore.

i remember myself at 18, and i was this marvellous whole person. independent, smart, focused, driven. that girl spent their whole days outside her house. did everything she wanted to. wasnt scared of anything. and i look at myself now and think how? the pandemic has a lot to do with it i guess, but when i first heard taylor saying that in nothing new i thought "that wont happen to me". guess what, i was wrong.

for my fellow girlies being 23 —in my experience— is exactly how they say it will be. the worst age of your life.

next month is my birthday and im pushing 24. and i have to say my life is a mess. but i dont know if i can call it a mess because it is truly a mess or because i am a complete drama queen. because people probably have worse problems than mine, and i am what you call a white girl, only poorer —and a third world country citizen—. the issue is, i am almost 24, almost 25. almost 27. ALMOST 30. and i did nothing with my life. absolutely nothing. my mom had me at 29 for god's sake.

and by nothing i mean everything i do is not enough to feel it worthy of a life well-lived. should i look for a job and work while studying just to say i am extremely occupied because i have somehow a life? just to feel something? even if that makes my stress situation and anxiety even worse? should i somehow save enough money so i can move from my parents house? even if for my whole generation it's close to impossible? is studying something i (kinda) like enough to not feel like shit about myself? i've never had a boyfriend, nor girlfriend. shoud i look for one? get myself one? even if i dont think any of that would make me happy? i dont think i know happiness as a state of mind, nor the concept of it.

i dont feel like i have many anecdotes to tell in my future. should i measure the life-worth by anecdotes? my friends feel the same way i do, but they have a more organized life. jobs, boyfriends, careers, plans for the future, one of my closest friends move to the other side of the world with her boyfriend (!) in the blink of an eye. but they aren't much happy nor they have many anecdotes either. and i dont have the money or the guts or the available friends to create any.

every day i understand fleabag a bit more.

my favourite anecdotes about my life are from when i was about 13 and 15 years, also known as the worst time of my life. i didnt appreciated it back then, probably none of us did. but when we were teens everything was possible and we didnt have a care on anything other than mundane stuff or rebellious stuff but nothing more than yelling at people, drinking and smoking weird shit (i never had weed tho). not a real responsibility. being careless, free, avoiding consequences that mattered. i think that girl hates me right now. and i am not sure if that's the feeling i should have or if it's just utterly pathetic.

[avpdpossum]

Hi. After following a hyperfixation rabbit hole (thank you, ADHD and Autism) I have been wondering if I have AvPD. I've been obsessively researching it for a while now, and it would make a lot of sense for the struggles i've been facing that just aren't really explained by my other diagnoses but also aren't really *normal* per se, but I'm scared I'm wrong or just looking for something else to be "wrong" (i put wrong in quotes bc i dont think any disability/mental illness is actually something wrong, but that's how a lot of the people around me perceive it) with me so I feel like my suffering is more valid. My thoughts and hang ups are this:

I feel like my avoidance isn't severe enough to qualify (also me: hasn't made a follow-up appointment with either my neurologist or psychiatrist bc the idea of making the phone call "wrong" is crushing; changes the time I eat lunch so I don't have to either ask to sit with the people I know would let me sit with them bc they consider me or a friend or have them see me sitting alone even tho I literally like them and want them to be my friends; still haven't applied for my college housing accoms that I literally need bc I'm too scared i'll get turned down; feels crushing embarrassment even existing in the same space as my roommate; has a grand total of 1 friend)

It could just be my social anxiety/autism/agoraphobia. I feel like none of these really explain how deeply I feel rejection (my best friend was too busy to eat dinner with me like we usually do bc finals season and I nearly threw up bc of how much it hurt, and I ended up in tears for almost an hour) or just how crushingly embarrassing I find being perceived by others/existing to be (I literally can't make phone calls unless I'm locked in my dorm without my roommate there because I feel like people will judge me for doing a normal human activity like answering my mom's phone call; can't brush my teeth in the morning bc what if people see and only do it at night when most of the dorm hall is asleep), the constant reassurance I need from people (I'm constantly asking my best friend (only friend really) if I'm annoying them/too much work/going to get left by them/actually welcome to hang out with them).

I also wonder if my self-esteem is too high since I know low self-esteem is a key part of AvPD? I don't feel like I'm inferior academically/intelligence wise, hell I'm kind of arrogant in that respect, but also feel like I'm not good enough/interesting enough/pretty enough/funny enough for someone to want to be around me and have struggled with suicidal ideation because of it. I sometimes (by that I mean almost weekly) have meltdowns where I end up just wallowing in my own self-hatred for hours and ignoring people's texts/my homework bc I feel like i'm not good enough to have friends/long term partners.

I'm also not particularly quiet when I *am* in social situations. I tend to blurt out whatever's on my mind, even though I immediately regret it 99.9999% of the time, and my ADHD impulsivity results in me interrupting people a lot even tho it makes me feel like a horrible person. I always feel like I've overshared to everyone (tho my best friend, the only person I can be around all the time and not have a meltdown, says I actually under-share and should open up more to people).

I don't have any childhood trauma that could have caused it, at least I don't think? Like. My parents are amazing, they've always been there for me emotionally and physically. I was kind of bullied in pre-school through elementary school (people would take stuff from my bag and throw it and make me "fetch like a dog," I was really short so they'd hold stuff out of my reach) and never really had friends in middle school, just these three girls who let me hang out with them when I was around but would ignore my texts a lot, not invite me places they were going, etc, and after I moved away just before high school i didn't really bother to try making friends bc even tho i was lonely it just didn't seem like it was worth it bc they wouldn't like me anyway and I was just gonna go to college soon and they'd leave me then but none of that's really traumatizing?

I don't know. I feel like it really fits but also like if it were actually a big enough problem to qualify as a personality disorder my therapist would have caught it by now? And I'm scared to bring it up bc if she thinks i'm wrong i'll probably never want to talk to her again bc i'd be so embarrassed. Sorry, this was really long. If you actually read all of this, I guess I just want to ask if you think it's even possible I could have it.

i'll give you the short answer first: yes, it's absolutely possible that you could have it. i can't tell you if you do or not, but i can tell you that all of the doubts you mentioned are things i've personally struggled with while figuring my avpd out.

i'll put a much more in-depth answer addressing each of your concerns under the cut:

I'm scared I'm wrong

here's the thing: being wrong doesn't hurt anyone. people will act like researching your own potential diagnoses and coming to the wrong conclusion is the end of the world, but the reality is, there's very little actual harm that could come from a self-misdiagnosis.

with a clinical diagnosis, if the doctor is wrong, that could end with consequences like taking the wrong medication or doing therapies that do more harm than good to you. but just doing your own research and coming to your own conclusion? the worst that happens is you use the wrong word for a while and then eventually realize it doesn't fit as well as you thought it did, or you ask a doctor about it and they decide it's not a good fit and (if they're a good doctor) help guide you toward a more accurate explanation of what you're experiencing. either way, there's no harm done!

or just looking for something else to be "wrong" with me so I feel like my suffering is more valid

here's the thing: whether avpd is the answer or not, you're suffering. and if you're suffering and you want to better understand why that's happening, you're allowed to do that! your suffering is valid whether there's a name attached to it or not, but that doesn't mean it's wrong to want a name for it. it's only natural to want to understand why you feel the way you do and find people like you.

and if you're worried about a "psychology student syndrome" kind of thing – that you might just be projecting symptoms onto yourself that you don't really experience – the best thing you can do for that is to take some time to really look at yourself and your life and see if you see those things taking place. don't worry about if they're "as bad" as other people's; if you see examples of those things in your life and you're suffering because of them, that's all it takes to know you're genuinely experiencing it.

I feel like my avoidance isn't severe enough to qualify

it seems like you already know this on some level, but yeah, all of the things you listed after this sentence absolutely sound like some pretty significant avoidance to me. again, i can't tell you if it's avpd or not, but those do sound like the kinds of things i would count toward my own self-diagnosis if it were me.

there's no hard line of how severe your avoidance has to be, or any real way to objectively measure severity in the first place. if those things are getting in the way of you living your life and/or causing you to suffer emotionally, that means they're bad enough to be taken into consideration.

the secret is, almost no one feels like what they're experiencing is bad enough. i've had times in my life where my avoidance literally almost killed me, and i still wonder if it's "bad enough". don't let that imposter syndrome feeling stop you from better understanding your brain and getting the support you need.

It could just be my social anxiety/autism/agoraphobia. I feel like none of these really explain how deeply I feel rejection or just how crushingly embarrassing I find being perceived by others/existing to be, the constant reassurance I need from people.

this feeling was actually exactly what started me on the path that led to me realizing i had avpd. i knew that i was autistic and socially anxious, and i thought for a long time that those explained what i was experiencing, but the more i interacted with people around me who were also socially anxious autistics, the more i realized i was dealing with something none of them seemed to understand.

and all of the things you described – intense emotional dysregulation caused by rejection and embarrassment and needing constant reassurance to function in social situations – are classic avpd things. so i would say, if your gut tells you those things aren't being explained well enough by the words you already have to describe yourself, avpd is definitely worth considering.

I don't feel like I'm inferior academically/intelligence wise, hell I'm kind of arrogant in that respect, but also feel like I'm not good enough/interesting enough/pretty enough/funny enough for someone to want to be around me and have struggled with suicidal ideation because of it. I sometimes (by that I mean almost weekly) have meltdowns where I end up just wallowing in my own self-hatred for hours and ignoring people's texts/my homework bc I feel like i'm not good enough to have friends/long term partners.

hey, you're talking to the guy who's not just avoidant but also a narcissist. avpd can absolutely coexist with being highly confident (or even overconfident) in certain parts of yourself.

it also sounds like that confidence is an exception to the rule. feeling like you're "not X enough" for other people to the point of having self-isolation spirals or suicidal ideation because of it are really common forms of low self-esteem in avpd. if you ever here an avoidant refer to having an "avpd spiral" or "shame spiral", the experience they're talking about is a lot like what you described.

I'm also not particularly quiet when I *am* in social situations. I tend to blurt out whatever's on my mind, even though I immediately regret it 99.9999% of the time, and my ADHD impulsivity results in me interrupting people a lot even tho it makes me feel like a horrible person. I always feel like I've overshared to everyone

the stereotype of avpd is a super shy and quiet person, and some of us definitely are like that (myself included), but not all avoidants are. there are some who mask their avoidance by coming off as incredibly social and talking to people a lot, and others who (like you described) talk a lot even if they don't want to because of other aspects of their neurotype.

i think those feelings of regret and shame that you feel in response to what you're saying are really the important thing here. those internal experiences are much more fundamental to what avpd is than how they present externally, so the fact that you're experiencing them means i definitely wouldn't count avpd out just because you're not as quiet as some of us are.

I don't have any childhood trauma that could have caused it, at least I don't think? Like. My parents are amazing, they've always been there for me emotionally and physically. I was kind of bullied in pre-school through elementary school and never really had friends in middle school, just these three girls who let me hang out with them when I was around but would ignore my texts a lot, not invite me places they were going, etc

first of all, a history of trauma isn't actually required to have avpd. it's often assumed that personality disorders are also trauma disorders because they are often associated with trauma, but there's nothing suggesting that's always the case.

there's also research that has shown some people are born predisposed to avpd. it tends to cluster in families along with social anxiety, suggesting there's some sort of heritable aspect, and some research suggests avpd might start in childhood with a person having a nervous system that's naturally hypersensitive to certain triggers.

it's also important to remember that the kinds of trauma that can lead to something like avpd aren't always things we would look at as obvious trauma. for example, one paper i found said that a possible form of trauma that could lead to avpd is having an overprotective parent – the parent projects their fears onto the child and, despite just trying to keep them safe out of genuine love and care, ends up teaching their child that the world is dangerous. we might not look at that kind of parenting and automatically see it as traumatizing, and it's hard to fault that parent for trying to keep their child safe, bu the result for the child is the same. especially if we are born with more sensitive nervous systems than the average person, things that seem totally mundane could have a significant impact on how our brains develop.

all of that to say, it is possible that the experiences you described –being bullied in school and excluded by your friends – had enough of an impact to cause the struggles you're experiencing now, even if they don't feel like trauma. it's also possible that they're unrelated, because avpd (if that is what you're experiencing) can develop even in the absence of trauma.

I feel like it really fits but also like if it were actually a big enough problem to qualify as a personality disorder my therapist would have caught it by now?

you'd be surprised what therapists don't catch, especially if there's a much more common and less "scary" label (like social anxiety) that can, on the surface, explain away what you're experiencing. i've been seeing my therapist for 8 or 9 years now and she's very aware of my avoidant tendencies, including how much they get in the way of my life, but she still never brought up avpd with me. whether it’s because they just don’t hear about avpd enough to think of it, because they avoid diagnosing personality in general, because they don’t know “do with” avpd and would rather assume it’s something they do know how to handle, or because they think avpd is just another word for severe social anxiety, a lot of therapists will see all the signs of avpd in a patient but never actually bring up avpd as a possibility.

at the end of the day, you know better than anyone how much of a problem these struggles are for you. if you think this really could be the explanation, don't worry about what she did or didn't catch. therapists aren't infallible; they're human, and they can miss things.

I'm scared to bring it up bc if she thinks i'm wrong i'll probably never want to talk to her again bc i'd be so embarrassed

i 100% get that fear. i actually had that happen to me with my therapist – i brought up a few theories of mine to her, she shot them all down, and i ended up stopping our sessions and eventually going to a different therapist for a while because i felt like i couldn't trust her anymore. ultimately, i went back to her (mostly because the second therapist was an incredibly condescending asshole and my parents didn’t know of any other options), but i honestly still haven't brought avpd up to her to this day because of that.

so i can't blame you at all, and it's okay if you feel like you need to work up to bringing this up with her. try doing some more research and getting more confident in your theory so you feel like you can explain it well to her, and maybe even put together a collection of the evidence you have for it – examples of how you feel like you exhibit the symptoms, things like that – so you have something to hand to her instead of having to explain it on the spot. once you've looked into it more on your own, you can reevaluate how confident you feel in the theory and decide if it's time to talk to her.

in the meantime, you could try testing the waters to see how she might respond to you bringing up a theory. there are some therapists who are super against patients doing their own research and having their own ideas about what's going on, so it’s good to know if your therapist is one of those people ahead of time instead of finding out the hard way.

i would also recommend telling her that exact fear if/when you do bring this up to her. that sentiment of "one somewhat negative interaction is all it takes for my embarrassment to be so bad that i can never talk to you again" is a really common thing with avpd, and is one of the reasons a lot of avoidants struggle with therapy. so being honest about that fear can both help her understand that she needs to be cautious in her approach if she does disagree with you and could actually make her more likely to agree.

I guess I just want to ask if you think it's even possible I could have it.

so yeah, like i said at the beginning of this, i think it's very possible that you could have avpd. i can't tell you for sure, but pretty much everything you've described here sounds very familiar to me as an avoidant person, so at the very least i think it's definitely worth looking into further and seeing if it continues to feel accurate as you learn more.

i hope this helps! and whether you end up concluding that you're avoidant or that there's something else going on, i hope you're able to find the understanding and support that you need.

[mrschwartz]

Alex Turner for OOR Magazine (October 2022)

Conducted in August 20th 2022 by Willem Bemboom

Alex in the sun on a terrace. Leather jacket, classic shades, a big head of hair in desperate need of a handful of Brylcreem. He almost looks like a time-traveller, someone from another dimension, unmoved by the sounds of the city in the distance and the swelling lunch crowd around us.

He talks slowly and dragging, as if the battery is almost flat.  His pauses in thought are numerous and stretched out, sometimes to determine what he DOES want to say, more often to think about what he does NOT want to say. Apparently he is so used to intelligent or difficult questions, that the easy ones throw him off. What are you listening to? What has changed? What do you think yourself is the most beautiful lyric? Endless silences, you can almost hear the brain cracking. But they are by no means painful. The lesson taken from previous interviews - and in fact the essence of Arctic Monkeys: just let Alex Turner meditate, that's where eventually the best things come from.

The sunglasses meanwhile are being taken on and off every minute. With wide eyes full of wonder Turner turns the casual things lying on the table into a journey of discovery. OOR's old trusted dictaphone for example. 'Reliable stuff', he judges. ‘At worst eats your tape one time, but such a device will not betray you. Two buttons, on, off, record, play. You don't need more options. I want to start working with these things a bit more.”

He weighs the device for a moment, as if he is testing a peach or tomato at the local fruit & veg. A mysterious short laugh follows. Who knows what goes on in that head.

The Car as a record makes an analogous impression, either way in terms of technique and instrumentation.

Right? Texture wise for sure. Old instruments, string arrangements. The ideas are kneaded to songs with human hands. Although this time we also have a Moog.

And the subjects as well seem to come from a different time. Classic Hollywood, faded glory, but also Cold War stuff. In various songs there are spying elements sneaking around.

That’s for sure what I’m doing in the new songs. Think of Gene Hackman in The Conversation, you have to search in circle of people as such.Vague surveillance stuff, listening devices [focuses on the recorder again]. A bit like how this conversation is also being recorded, haha.

Social media seems completely absent, you are far from sketching a contemporary time frame. People talk on the phone together.

Good point. I imagine that phone in Big Ideas like that, on the wall, with a turntable. It is indeed an analog world, there is no apping or anything like that. On the first song on our first record I sing about a phone that is being unlocked [The View From The Afternoon]. You had to press the asterisk key to avoid accidentally turning on your cell phone. We still play that song every night, I’ve now sang it so often that I’m not thinking about those lyrics at all. A few days ago I did have a clear mind and suddenly I realised: gosh, this is not how phones are any more! Back in the days I was more up-to-date with my technological references, on AM there are still text messages and such. That's gone now. I have gone back in time, it seems.

Your previous album took place at the moon. Where - and especially when - is The Car set?

Hm. [long silence] You know what, I really don't have any idea whatsoever. Even for Tranquility Base I now wonder if it all took place at the moon. That sort of thing reveals itself only later, sometimes even a lot later. The music triggers something in me, I build on the atmosphere and the sound, and I just let The Idea run wild - though I refine the lyrics endlessly after they get into shape. But the source? Dunno, that can't be guided or be explained. I did try to steer away a bit more from the sci-fi idiom than on the previous one. Whether it succeeded is question number two. For some reason there’s somehow always science fiction seeping through.

You now refer in several numbers to old movies and showbiz, like the musical Anything Goes, 1930s Broadway, with music by Cole Porter. New fascination?

Hmmm, no. By the way, it is indeed lifted from a movie. Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom begins with the song Anything Goes, from that musical, sung in Chinese. Nice opening, although I’m certainly not the biggest Indiana Jones fan. I suddenly thought about it, so it ended up in that song. That's how it goes with most things. Who knows where it comes from and what it means. It's suddenly there.

Is Sculptures Of Anything Goes a New York song? Apart from the Broadway link you sing about 'city life 09', the period you lived in Brooklyn, and ‘Village coffee mornings, with not long since retired spies’.

As in: written in New York? No, I haven't been to New York in ages. The Village is in there…. I think this is another of those science fiction things. You've been nervously playing around with that empty cassette box for 15 minutes now, and I’m now imagining that it contains City Life 09. I’m fond of the idea there will be a city life cartridge in the future, a simulation that you can board. I’m imagining a full box of those cartridges, from 1929 to 1959 to 1969 to 1979 to 1989 and so on. That’s because I think there should be intervals of ten years to notice a substantial difference in such a huge city. And the 2009 one is missing from that lyric, it's inside the machine because it's used most often. Whether it's also refers to my time in New York… No idea. It's purely a bit of fantasy.

Let’s swap the fantasy for the facts for a little bit: where and when did you start making this record?

Even before the lockdowns, right away after the Tranquility Base tour in South America. In April and May 2019 I wrote the first attempts of new songs, we already recorded some bits in late 2019, but that attempt led to nothing. Only after the lockdowns we came back together again, last summer, in Butley Priory, an old monastery at the coast of Suffolk. No one knew we were there, it was a remote place. It reminded me of our first record, when we went from the madhouse to the countryside for a while as well. We never did that again ever since, until now. Recording a record in England also was a while ago, same counts for a summer album. So there we were again, at the English countryside, as a rrrrock band! [big eyes and a rolling rrrrr] No distractions, like in the city. Extra focus, no prying eyes. All in the same zone. Good morning, you know.

We will come back at that ‘rock band’ part for a bit later. What did a day in Suffolk look like for the rest?

Oh, every morning we got trumpeted out of our beds with a reveille. And a while after a bell was ringing: go to work, lazy bastards! Thereafter a Powerpoint presentation with schedules and tactics. No, just joking, it was the opposite. Very calm and relaxed, everything in our own tempo. These days I find it essential to take the time. That’s because every project has to search and find its own way. As a maker you also have to let a piece of work go its own way. During the summer of 2019 I read a book about movie editing, In The Blink Of An Eye by Walter Murch. Although movie editing is not my discipline, I did get interesting things out of it anyway, there are parallels with how I put together a record these days. Editing usually involves cutting out bad bits. The question that immediately arises: what is a bad bit? Are there bad bits at all? This Sir Murch calls the process of editing the discovery of a path through all the available material. The more you shot, the more possible paths there are. And because I had quite a lot of ideas, more than ever actually, which all wanted to exist, it was extra important to especially follow the feeling. Sometimes I got a direction in mind, and then the piece itself drags you in the opposite direction anyway. It has other ideas. It lives, it is an entity. Let it go. That’s how it went now as well.

You keep on avoiding the meaning of your lyrics. Is the writing of it not a conscious process then?

Hmmm, that always comes last anyway. I am endlessly adjusting and rewriting. When we were working on the music in Suffolk, I hardly sang on top of it. I do believe that at this moment in time I write down what I am experiencing more directly. I'm a bit more open, more honest, apparently inspired by four guys who are just standing together in a room making music.

What do you consider your favourite find on The Car?

Oh… I forgot to bring my cheat sheet. I’ve got a folder with notes, which I planned on bringing with me. But it also feels a little know-it-all and self-conscious to start giving a lecture from my own notes here. My best line… I wouldn’t know! I simply don’t know all the lyrics by heart yet. [long pause] I think ‘Big Ideas’ as a whole is a very accomplished song.

Ah, with the ‘hysterical scenes’ that are reminiscent of a band just breaking through. ‘We had ‘em out of their seats, waving their arms and stomping their feet’ – that’s where the echo of Monkeymania is audible.

Strange times.

Or just The Beatles. ‘Clap your hands and stomp your feet’, is what Lennon sometimes shouted from the stage…

Hm, yeah. No. Here I imagine sort of more like a movie producer giving someone a call. Or something like that.

Big Ideas is full of melancholy – and that counts for more songs in general.

It’s not just in the words, you know. Yes, so that’s how it works for me: the words arise from the feeling the music evokes. The melody supplies the words and ideally they complement each other. In that way, the things it makes you say are indeed not conscious. It purely revolves around what the music allows you to say.

“Over and out, it’s been a thrill”, you sing on Big Ideas. Hello You, Jet Skis On The Moat and Perfect Sense also contain “goodbyes” and “goodnights”. Are you saying goodbye to something?

Yeah, I think that’s fair. That all has to do with where I arrived in life at the moment. I’m 36, the band exists for about twenty years, including the whole run-up. So I’ve been in the band for more than half of my life. You leave things behind, while the clock keeps ticking. People, places, your younger self. Time. Though that’s not necessarily a bad thing, you get new things in return. But it’s human nature to sometimes look back on what has been, what’s behind you. Though I’m pretty good at leaving things behind.

Like loud guitar music for example.

[big eyes] Ha!

The rrrrrrrrock band you just mentioned is not the same as the one from 2006 anymore.

Haha, not on the record, no! But on stage we just keep on rocking, that all co-exists. But you know what’s the funny thing? We could very well still have made a loud guitar record after all. If the music had asked for it, I think I would have obediently followed. When we finished touring in 2019, everything pointed in that direction. Much louder than Tranquility Hotel, in any case. But that started to shift towards a different direction and that’s why we took a break from it at the time. I was afraid I would start forcing things. And sometimes you just have to accept the fact you can’t go back to the riffs from ten years ago. At the end of the tour I knew what kind of songs I wanted to do, with the lights of the stage still in my eyes and the thundering roars of the audience in my ears. Big, loud guitars should have been part of that. That’s what I’m gonna do! I even put on my motorcycle boots to get a hold of that mood. But that didn’t feel right in the end, as said. You’re not that person anymore, your music wants to go in a different direction. Then I can only follow that.

Put the Arctic Monkeys who were recording at the English countryside in 2006 next to the band working at Suffolk last summer. Not to see what has changed, but what hasn’t changed?

Well, everything has changed. [2 minutes of silence while you can almost hear a movie playing in his head] … except for the countryside and England, haha! I did find it more fun this time though. Maybe because right now we finally know what we’re doing. Yes, that has remained the same. The only reason we now can not make a loud guitar record in all peace and comfort, is because we’re still Arctic Monkeys. Everyone has grown up, the essence of the band has grown with us. The faces are a bit more round, the boys call their children instead of their parents, but the feeling remains the same. Life itself happened – and not in an unpleasant way. It’s all good, everything. Yes, it’s fine.

Why did you have more fun now than back then? Did that 20 year old kid that recorded ‘Whatever People Say I Am…’ not know what he was doing?

Not what happened to him, no. It was a great time, but oh dear, so much stress! Now I’m completely relaxed in everything I do. Looking back at 2006, everything was so… tight! My guitar was hanging just below my chin, the strap was almost pinched around my back. That example alone. I let the guitar nicely hang nowadays. And sometimes I even leave it in its stand. The schedules are looser, the people are looser, the music is looser. Less heavy, not as frenetic and whaaaargh! It’s fitting better in its own skin. Just like ourselves. The jacket is hanging loosely unbuttoned. I’m sitting behind a grand piano in the corner. And still it feels like Arctic Monkeys, because we’re still walking the same path, however strange the path winds. The same timeline and the same principles. The path, following the music, is the constant factor. 15 years ago we followed our instinct as young lads and The Record is what resulted from it. Now we’re still doing that, and this time that record is The Car.

Oh yeah, The Car. What kind of car is it?

Just a car.

Does it stand for anything?

No, it’s standing on a roof. The cover photo was taken by Matthew Helders, our drummer. When I saw that photo a few years ago, I immediately knew it had the potential to be an album cover for the band. There’s not just spies and goodbyes in the lyrics, if you listen closely you can hear a few cars. And after [raises voice] Tranquility Base Hotel + Casino the temptation to call something ‘The Car’ is simply too big. It is what it is.

So just a car.

Yep. And that car on the cover in particular.

Where was the photo taken?

If I’m not mistaken, in Los Angeles.

Ah, Los Angeles. There you’re nothing without a car. What kind do you drive?

I don’t own a car. I’m back in London now and it’s just not practical there. No car…

Where did you used to go on holidays as a kid?

Oh, eh, Eastbourne, on the south shore. With my grandparents on the Dotto Train, one of those tourist carts along the beach. But how did we suddenly end up here?

I wondered about this when I heard The Car, the song. Nicely melancholic, you sing about past holidays, falling asleep at the back seat.

But that doesn’t take place in Eastbourne [rolls his eyes]. But where does it take place, I can hear you think… In a parallel universe full of espionage and science fiction, haha!

Sounds exciting. Have you ever tried writing a script yourself?

No. The kind of stories I tell are mostly… based on the music and the melodical ideas, as I already explained. Those bring forth the story. If I wouldn’t have that, I would struggle. I would like to learn this though, sometime, one day. But I’m not working on it now, it’s a whole different skill to the one I’ve currently got on board. Never say never, we’ll see. But definitely not tomorrow [thinks for a bit, laughs]. Tomorrow’s Pukkelpop. There’s no time for drafting scripts. Although it is a world I would like to roam about, one I’d like to explore. At the Priory I had an old 16mm camera with me, one that fits in the palm of your hand and you have to crank up yourself. Still not even close to Hollywood. But ah well, that’s a hobby.

What music are you listening to yourself at the moment?

[two minutes of silence] I used to be able to always draw a straight line from what I was listening to right to the new record, that’s different now, I think. No more adding this, this, this and this and you’ve got the new Monkeys. It’s not as clear what those things are this time, not even for me.

If you could go to Record Palace at the opposite of Paradiso with 50 euros right now, what would you pick from there?

Oh wow, that place is amazing! I actually should stop by there later. We’ve been so busy fine-tuning the show, this morning I only took a walk in the park for a bit… Lovely morning.

But at the moment you’re listening to…

Oh man… After finishing the record, nothing for a while, for a few months. Now it’s starting up again a bit. Headphones on… listening to things. What do I want to share here right now?

I’ll just write down Nookie by Limp Bizkit.

Oh no. Is that a threat? Alright, in that case do… Nat King Cole! The song ‘Where Did Everybody Go’. Why? That’s why.

At There’d Better Be A Mirrorball you actually sound a bit like Nat King Cole. Coincidence?

Ha, that’s nice! Eh, yes, coincidence. On the other hand: what’s a coincidence?

You sing a lot in falsetto, you croon, sometimes you’re channelling Bowie. Are you still looking for your voice or are you finally coming close?

Always in search of! You look for a manner of singing that guides the music the easiest way. A way that’s in tune with the feeling you wanna convey. That’s the hardest part… no, that’s what you’re aiming for, that connection.

Connection with?

With what you can’t really grasp. And can’t understand. Or can’t express into words. How you as a normal little person can become part of that wonder, the music. There’s a technical component to it, by practicing a lot I can reach a higher pitch or hold a note better. Those are means. The purpose is something bigger though. There’s this great song on Sinatra at the Sands, 'Don’t Worry About Me', that he introduces as one of the best songs ever. In one part of a verse he sings a step-up note, bigger and bigger, that fills all gaps in the notes just to get to the next step. It’s off, but because of that it’s actually perfectly right. It stands out. That’s why I call magic. That’s what it’s about. Getting completely lost in that feeling and getting to a place where everything is right. Even when it’s not right. Even more so when it’s not right. Then you know it’s right.

[tkwritesstupidstuff]

Sebastian x Reader

The rain was pouring down upon Pelican town as I walked up to the mountains. Sam and Sebastian had Recently found out that I was an avid fan of The Solarian Chronicles and Sam had been begging me to play with them so here I was walking up on a rainy Thursday night to geek out. As I stepped inside I heard the bell chime and began to walk down the Sebastian's lair. Creeking opens the door I could hear the two bickering.

"Come on Seb just say it!"

"Sam No, I will never give up my dignity to say it"

"But broski?" I could hear Sam pouting and opened the door

"Sebastian's your Broski now Huh?"I teased Sam as his cheeks flushed pink

"well not anymore unless he can admit that Warriors are a better role than Wizards" Sam retorted back. I began to see Seb Shaking his head and sighing as he finished setting the bored up.

"Wizards have higher intelligence and an actually skill unlike waving pointy sticks around."Sebastian fired back at him as I set my bag down and took a seat.Sam looked very offended after what he said.

"Wizards also wave a stick around and they don't get the Babes!" Sam looked smug as he pointed this out to Sebastian.

"Babes?" I asked 

"Yeah who doesn't want a smoking hot warrior to save them and no ones gonna want and old  Grandpa Seb the wizard to save them"

"Hey! I'm only 21"

"Like I said Old"

"Hey you too settle down or well never get to play"I stated trying to get them to settle down

"Yeah, Gramps!"Sam sassed back at Sebastian as if he was the one to start it all.jeez sometimes I wonder how the two became friends one music playing hyperactive pineapple head and the other a frog loving emo boy. It really was an example of an Extrovert adopting an introvert.

"Let's just get to the game" Sebastian grumbled as he shuffled the cards and gave us our character sheets. The game was on! As the story went on our group traveled through deep dwarves mines infected with goblins.

It twas an epic battle as our heros ventured through the mines with the Mighty Sameth slaying any who came across his path and Seb The Wise cast illusion spells while I did nothing.I tried but there was no point in being a healer when there was no healing to be done. As the game was wrapping up we came up to the boss level.I thought it would be a breeze considering how easily it was before,but before we knew it Sam and Sebastian were down.

"Come on yn heal me" Sam looked at me expecting me to roll the dice.

"Or the me Could do more damage than a my wit" Sebastian suggested giving Sam a look.

"Come on yn do it for me so I can save the Babes."

"There all dwarves though"

"Babe dwarves?"

I looked down and rolled the dice I had enough mama to heal one.everyone watched as I made my decision.

"I'll heal up the wizard"  I announced

"But the Babes yn the Babes" Sam shook his head at me

"Thanks yn" Seb said as he rolled the dice to cast a spell ending the boss.

As I got ready to go I heard the thunder roar in the distance. Oof I better run home or get electrocuted.

"Well guys I need to get going before it gets to late" I turned to the stairs and began to walk up.

"Wait yn!" Seb shouted

I turned around as he was grabbing and umbrella."Here let me walk you home" he said as he came up to me

" Ooh good Idea sebby won't you walk me home too" Sam teased as he grabbed his stuff and began to walk up with us.As we stood outside the rain was still coming down but it didn't seem to bad.

"Hey yn!" Sam shouted snap I h me out of my thoughts as we tried back to town.

"Yes?"

"How come you chose to heal Seb instead of me huh?" Sam teased while I knew what he was trying to do.

"Well if I chose to save you it we probably would have lost" I stated smugly looking at him

"Le gasp you wound me yn!" He said placing a hand over his heart.

"Come on drama queen were at your stop" Seb said placing a hand on Sam's shoulder.

"Hmph,Wouldn't you at least kiss me goodnight Sebby dear" Sam teased.

"Sorry Sam you're not my type" and with that Sebastian shoved Sam through the front door.

As we walked to my farm I saw lightning dancing in the distance.

"Ah um thanks for coming tonight yn"

Sebastian scratched the back of his head as he looked at me.

"No problem I always love hanging out with you"

I smiled sweetly at him as I spoke,damn i could of said it a lot cooler. As i scolded myself I was brought out of my thoughts as I saw pinkish to tint to Sebastian's cheeks.

"Um thanks yn,well here's your stop" he spoke gently as I walked up the steps. As he turned around I did something I never thought I'd say.

"Not even a goodnight kiss?" I heard myself asking as I looked at him Suddenly he stoped and turned around ran right and kissed me right in the lips and hopped off the porch.

"Night yn!" He shouted running off ears tomato red. My face was probably just as red .I mean what just happened.I just ended up kissing the cutest boy in all of Pelican Town in the middle of a rainstorm on my front porch.

"Hot damn" I spoke as I gently opened the front door. Maybe moving to Pelican Town was the best idea I've ever had after all I just got to kiss the sweetest boy in the whole world.

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Personality :p

Ello! My name is Gillian I am requesting a ship for supernatural

* i'm the type of person that people regard as being very well adjusted but honestly i'm having a mental breakdown most of the time.

* i'm a deeply empathetic person, i care a lot about others and sometimes i forget to care for myself because of it.

* on the flip side of my sensitive/kind nature, i can be very feisty. I’m also DEEPLY sarcastic when i'm frustrated i just want to beat up something, and i become very passionate towards injustice. my friends say i'm like a kitten with a knife.

* additionally, i would consider myself a brave person. I don't struggle to have hard conversations with people (i don't like them but I'll do it),and I've stood up to every bully I've ever had

* due to my trust issues and rejections, i tend to feel like an outsider in most of my friend groups.

* TO FINISH IT OFF (this has become too long), i would consider myself a wise/intelligent person (i give good advice), resilient, but also easy going.

1. INFJ | Pisces sun, cancer moon, libra rising, pisces Venus | Ravenclaw | Neutral good

2. Things I love in myself: I love that I’m good at giving advice, that I can skip many of my classes and still stay on the dean’s list, and that I’m bold when I need to be

3. In a partner, I look for someone who will support and listen to me. I have a lot of different mental ailments, and if they won’t be understanding of that, then I can’t be with them. I also look for someone who is self sufficient (I can’t deal with laziness). Most importantly, they should be kind (i.e. If I’m ranting about things like sexism in a tv show, I want them to be able to understand why it’s important to me.)

4. I’m straight, unfortunately.

5. She/her

6. I’m the singer/guitarist in a rock band so music is very very important to me. I also love to draw and I read pretty much all the time. My ideal day is going to a coffee shop and then a bookstore. Which reminds me— I drink an obscene amount of coffee. I also take too many naps, especially with my cat, who is my baby. I like to write as well. I really love things that make my house look like a fairy’s home, so I like to collect that stuff. I’m also a nerd who does go to comic con (*boos are heard throughout the audience*)

7. Appearance wise!! I’m hella short, but it just means my personality is big. I have reddish brown hair with very round blue/green/grey eyes (idk their color people just say that they’re pretty), and a button nose.

Hi!! I hope you like your SPN matchup! <3333

---

Romantic;

---

Supernatural;

💐 You met Sam after you had gone to a coffee shop to get a drink, you walked into the nearby bookstore - you weren't looking for anything in particular, but when you accidently let a book slip from your arms, Sam the gentleman came right up and helped you; picking the book from off the ground, he gave you a smile; and before you knew it, you ended up talking for a good thirty minutes or so

💐 During the next couple of months, you and Sam would often meet up and go to that coffee shop together - swinging by the bookstore after - and just talking about everything and anything; he was quickly becoming a close friend of yours, even being front row at some of your rock concerts

💐 Skipping to actually dating, Sam is really supportive, if you want to do something, he is there to support you (follow your dreams - and he's a very good listener, if you just want to rant about your day, he's there; and if you want to rant about sexism in a tv show, Sam will understand how important it is to you, and probably join you in the ranting

💐 If you go down for a nap with your cat, he'd probably join you, if not, he'd most likely sit on the bed beside you, quietly reading - and when you wake up, he'd probably see if you want to go out and go on a small adventure to the bookstore

💐 Sam is totally down to go to Comic Con with you, if you dress up, he'd dress up too - and if you find something you like there (maybe a little something that makes your home more fairy-like), Sam is more than willing to carry it for you if you get tired carrying it for the how many hours you wander around the Con

[thattimdrakeguy]

The Flash isn't all all-around horrible movie. There's a lot of good things in it. The problem with the movie is a bunch of stuff that eventually all comes together by the end and just wrecks the fucking thing like a ball that wrecks--Some sort of...wrecking ball if you will.

So seeing people online try to talk like Harvard graduates having a discussion about the prospects of the movie Flash by scrambling to the scattered pieces that were wrecked and trying to tape together something that made it seem good, is really funny to me.

There's some parts of that movie I thought were legitimately great. Some parts made me laugh my off.

I hated most of the "Hi, I'm Barry, an awkward, loser, virgin" humor. Since for a good chunk of the film the main Barry doesn't act like that. It's like it's hold back from Justice League movie Barry that people seem to have agreed to hate.

The movies main fault besides Ezra Miller being in the news so much for not so good things, is simply that it can't help itself.

The logic for multiverse travel makes no sense. The movie basically says "it's fate" at a certain point, and that's after the scientific explanation that makes no sense.

Why does Bruce Wayne look like the dude just for later on to look more like Bruce Wayne ever has before in the previous Michael Keaton appearances. (The costume department did a stellar job.)

The Lasso of Truth doesn't work like that.

People keep reacting to things the way people would not react to things.

The Chrono-Bowel, looks cool, but functionally it doesn't make any sense when the idea of Flash's time traveling is just running really fast. Trying to visualize that with a place were he can stand totally still sort of takes away the SPEED part of the speed-force that's necessary to be related to speed. Perhaps in another movie it would've been great beyond the shitty CGI that made things look like statues.

Most of the things that make it a multiverse movie would probably be better without it story wise, for the sake of simplifying things, even though I think Michael Keaton was at his best as Batman in this one. ignoring the really weird "You wanna get nuts" line, that doesn't work, because that's not exactly a thing he says. It's a thing he said once in a specific context.

The movie's version of time travel as it's previously shown to work no longer works, and they break it several times. Making it have no logic, which makes following things confusing, because things aren't happening the way they explain previously.

Supergirl hardly does jack shit, and says hardly jack shit. Her presence in the movie is so small, I sometimes forget she's in the movie. Her parts aren't bad. She just gets hardly anything to do, and feels like a tossed in character to go "Oooo, multiverse".

And it's mostly these things fans of the film keep showing going 'LOOK, IT'S GOOD, IT'S GOOD' even the visuals, which can at times get good. I think at first the visuals stink rotten ass, but do genuinely get better at a certain point just to get sort of hard to follow during the final act again.

So even if you really liked the movie. Why are you trying to excuse shit, that's shit no matter how you spin it?

'Oh, this scene with the baby is showing his intelligence and is very creative.'

It also looks fake as fuck and uncanny valley babies freak people the fuck out.

Despite how I don't think I can qualify the movie as a good movie critically speaking, I still think there's a lot of good stuff in the movie. It's just--no one really talks about it, at least much. It's strange.

It feels like no one saw the movie that says they liked it.

[punamc]

I've met a lot of guys in my life. Befriended many and hated a few. A common thing about all the guys that I've seen is that they change drastically after a certain age or a certain stage of their life. I've seen my childhood best friends become a "Sigma male" after growing up and change their overall personality. Some of my friends don't talk to me now because they have got their girlfriends. My favourite cousin became a totally different person after marriage. I've heard from my parents how their brothers changed due to certain circumstances.

But I'm not accusing any of them at all. Men are very different from women. They think differently, they do things differently, they process differently. It's good that they did what they wanted to. They did what they felt was the best. It brought them happiness. Moreover preference changes with time. If a person loves someone or something today, it may happen that the "love" will diminish with time and the "love" will eventually get transferred to someone or something else. It's just a human cycle. Yeah, it sounds rude and hurtful but it's a bitter truth.

But something different happened to me today.

There's this guy I met a year ago who's a very good friend of mine. We get along so well. He's so fun to be with. Moreover he is a very helpful person. Since I'm a very introverted person, I get nervous easily. There are times I felt nervous and uncomfortable in public and he comforted me. Once he even pointed out the good and bad people for me (as I'm an idiot maybe?) and said to be careful. He is like a comfort person to me. Talking to him freshens up my mind. He's so understanding and matured than most of the boys of his age. And he gives the right solution to a lot of my problems. All in all, he's a very good human being.

He has a girlfriend who is just as sweet as him. Both are literally green flags and are just so perfect for each other. I love their chemistry so much that sometimes I feel like I can go to any extent to save their relationship against some extreme situation. I don't know if I'm talking nonsense right now but I'm just letting my heart out.

So today we met and he was saying how he changed for good for his girlfriend. How he was a rowdy kind of a guy before with no aim in life but eventually changed when the right person came into his life and showered him all the love that he needed. He changed just because of her. Just because he realised how important he is to someone's life. Just because he noticed how bad she wanted to change him for good. And just because he wanted his future to be with her.

It is the star to every wand'ring bark Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

~ William Shakespeare's Sonnet 116

It's a poem about love and these lines are perfect to describe their love story.

But you know what the best part is? It's not like his whole life is dedicated to his girlfriend now. It's not like he forgot everyone and everything good that existed in his life before just to be with his girlfriend. Instead he gives more importance to his career, friends and family than before. He chooses his friends wisely, is focused on his career and thinks about the well-being of his family. Not everyone can do this. A very few intelligent people can match the balance sheet of their life. He's successfully doing it and I'm sure that he'll continue to do it for the rest of his life.

Nowadays I just see men and women blaming each other in relationships and saying stuff like "These types of boys/girls don't exist anymore"; "Everyone nowadays is disloyal and cheat". But nobody wants to be the non-existent person that they want in their life. It's not just the responsibility of a boy to change himself for his girlfriend but also the responsibility of the girl to support her boyfriend in every bad situation, make him understand the goods and bads in life and help him to change, and vice versa. Only a good and positive influence can make a bad person good.

I'm glad to meet a person like the guy I talked about and make him my friend. I hope more people could be this understanding and matured so that the sweet old bondings would have never died.

~Punam

[toxictoxicities]

thank you for answering me. It was really cool seeing your response. Also I love the comment about Suns not crying to Pebbs. It's funny. Though I know I'm more of a sunstone shipper-- but again, I got to be the weirdest little fandom person ever and think about how tiny Pebbs is portrayed in the fandom, looming over, or straddling Suns and how they're portrayed in the fandom. I can't just be normal. Also I am still new to fandom, and haven't played the game, so I am still learning lore and stuff. I remember it saying that Pebbles in the beginning was difficult to respect authority, so I liked that angle; because he didn't bow to authority, because he questioned, and challenged Suns, suns felt like he wasn't just some means of worship. but ANYWAY, I KNOW YOU LOVE SIGNAL LIGHTS, AND I DO LOVE How Sig and Suns can be with each other! They are very much on Stable Even Ground. And hearing Suns say they learned from the best (aka Sig). That's so cute! Little gay robots making little cats together. Especially disabled cats (looks at spearmaster and hunter). Anyway, it's so amazing that you replied to my little comment. And again I just--- Suns. Suns is good, and they deserve to be given love and taken care of sometimes. And especially the baking bread. Even if they can't eat it. The idea of Suns baking bread is the cutest thing ever and Suns-- if they had more human hobbies, would absolutely bake.

I'm too lazy to draw a reply so- I might as well also warn with spoilers bc I've played all campaigns, read broadcasts and pearls- the lot- I'm a fucken nerd XDD you can ask @revolvius and he'll tell you I'm god with the Rainworld geoguesser (too bad it's down rn tho :(

Yeah throughout Spearmasters campaign we get a shit ton of broadcasts between Sigs and Suns, Suns coming over to Sigs searching for support and all that jazz. Being defiant and such is mentioned to be a common trait for new iterators, it being referred to as a phase. Pebbles just happens to be quite more driven to be independent not wanting to be told what to do.

This trait is why Pebbles works with Suns in the first place because Suns - in sliverist groups- is the one asking the big questions no one wants to talk about such as "is it truly wrong to break the self destruction taboo" which probably was appealing to Pebbles to follow behind the footsteps of an older iterator who had similar ideals and researching into something Pebbles would want to sink his teeth into to be independent from what every other sliverist was thinking. Hell even his local group dissed on him because once again- sliverist despite wanting to follow SOS still held the taboo higher than actually trying to figure out SOS solution

(EP being Pebbles, Erratic Pulse)

Anyways yeah with this in mind I reckon Pebbles would heavily look up to Suns, worship not being the word I'd use but certainly I don't think Pebbles would go against Suns- he only does when confronted about his mistakes which he admits later on he only did it out of shame.

Sooo I won't lie there is some sort of tone with Suns being held so highly- despite there not being much evidence I would love to see Suns city and see if it is bigger than other iterators ect

can only infer Suns status with what's around him.

I mean there's also this- Pebbles always coming to Suns for guidance but never vise versa. It shows that Suns had a higher status or rep to Pebbles- portrayed as wise when they are only intelligent.

Also in Emergence, they can in fact eat bread ^^ , upgrades people upgrades

[essayofthoughts]

According to Percy’s goodbye letter, after he dies, he said thatVex would be the clever one in their group. We know that Percy considers himself (and Vex) to be the only adults in the room, but do you think he considers Vex to be on his level of intellect? In her own way, of course. Or do you think, maybe, the only people he considers to be up there are Ripley, Anders, or Victor?

I think you're conflating intellect, cleverness and even arguably wisdom, here?

Like... I don't think Percy considers "cleverness" to be the same thing as "intelligence" or "wisdom". Keyleth can be very wise, increasingly so over the course of the campaign, experience lending her a better understanding and giving her more chances to put these thoughts to words. Grog can be: Grog's got a fantastic grasp of emotional intelligence, combat dynamics and tactics. Intelligence is just... knowing stuff - arguably Tary is intelligent and has an intellect. It doesn't equate to wisdom or common sense or emotional intelligence necessarily.

Cleverness, in Percy-language, I think is problem solving. It's applying what you know. Percy is clever when he figures out the trick with the threshold crests, for example. Ripley is clever for figuring out guns. Raishan is clever for tricking them all and making them work to serve her purpose. These are different things.

(Vex is clever for haggling them better deals and better pay. Vex is clever for keeping the group together. Vex is clever for understanding, even when very few words are said. Vex is clever.)

And, well... Vex has always been the clever one?

Vex may not know as much ... stuff as he does, but she's got common sense, a great grasp of social dynamics, much less awkwardness than he does - she has a social ease he struggles with outside of formal situations. While I think he considers Keyleth to match his intelligence - alongside Ripley or Raishan, for example - I think he knows that Vex is intelligent, experienced and great at spotting opportunities. Vex knows how to apply what she knows and has experienced in ways that work for them. She knows how to problem solve. She looks at the discussions and can deftly redirect them or point out something they're missing: Vex can get things done.

And it's not like Vex is stupid. She reads and researches, she socially networks. Regardless of game stats, Vex can keep up with Percy... and Percy respects that. When Vex asks for his attention, even before he ever indicates any particular interest in her, he gives it immediately and utterly: he knows Vex is one of the cleverest, not just wise as Keyleth is, not just knowledgeable as he and Tiberius are, but able to apply those things.

For what it's worth, Scanlan can also apply those things, but he doesn't always hold the braincell, gets easily distracted by entertaining ideas, and Percy seems to think less of him for the crass jokes while Vax tends to be a bit too reckless and impulsive at times for all he can be pretty damn good at it too sometimes.

Everyone has their strengths. Vex's are such that, despite the limited combat use of a ranger, especially a beastmaster ranger, she is incredibly useful for VM as their primary front-facing member and... I think Percy's always recognised Vex's social power. She handles the group's funds, she's their face, Vex can say a few words and redirect the whole group with ease. Percy was raised around power: he recognises it. He recognises that Vex has it and knows how to use it.

Vex is clever, to Percy, in a way he can't do like she can, and she's intelligent in a way he understands as well. I think he does consider Vex a peer, especially because at times her emotional intelligence outstrips his own (even if she doesn't always practice what she preaches) and so she is, in a way, an expert he can turn to when it comes to things he's less accomplished with. And, in turn, she turns to him for help with things she's less accomplished in - like modifying the broom.

They've always respected one another's skills and appreciated them, and understood that these things all have value.

And, well... Ripley's smart and she replicated guns based on second and third hand reports, but she also made a deal with Orthax (just like him) and didn't have the power of friendship or any morals with which to fight him, so at the end of the day, I think he eventually concludes that maybe Ripley wasn't as clever as all that after all.

Raishan, on the other hand... Raishan absolutely was.

[purewhitewolf]

Perception

@xxrppastxx

"Why did you do that?! You could've killed the Grand Shadow and Lady Brooke with that idiotic stunt! Not to mention, the chaos you bring every day puts us further behind! It's like you want to sabotage our progress! Are you a servant of the evil one? Are you some demon in disguise?!" A furious coworker points at Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn just stares back silently with an uninterested and uncaring look on her face.

"I swear there's no logic to your actions! You even saved the man you keep swearing you're going to murder. Why haven't you done it yet? Are you talking out of your ass, you mentally ill freak of nature?! If you weren't married to the Past Seer, I doubt the Grand Shadow would ever allow you anywhere near them or Quietem. This is exactly why you outsiders don't belong here!"

As the coworker gets more and more heated, boldly scolding and insulting Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn calmly grabs him and pulls him out of the way in time from getting crushed by debris from a weakened door frame.

She finally opens her mouth and blows a strange colorful smoke in his face. "...You all are 'sophomores' .... wise-stupids." Kaitlyn reaches into her pocket and jiggles the various keys and important documents she swiped during her rampages, "So smart... and yet sooooo clueless. Damn, for a bunch of educated colleagues, you all lack such perception of the c r u m b l i n g world around you. So much intelligence... but no actual wisdom. My beloved Past can pick up on things much quicker than you arrogant snobs. She and John are the only ones with real wisdom here, it seems."

A black ashy and gooey material covered in eyes gradually appeared on the walls and floor. It was the same black stuff that leaked from Kaitlyn's skin from time to time. "Samuel isn't the only one capable of scrying onto others. Unlike him... I can do it passively and way better. I can FEEL your movements... I can see your very SOULS with my own essence. I can read your emotions and the most subtle of gestures!" Their noses were touching now as her tone dropped to an ominous warning. "You should be happy you can't read me. Those who know how I think... rarely stay around."

The man didn't even have a chance to reply before Kaitlyn mockingly spoke what she assumed he would say. "Le gasp! You big meanie wolf! You scarwy~ uwu~ I need to cry to mommy and daddy council and tell on you!"

"Tell them what? Who would believe you? I'm just some unstable maniac with 'no logic behind her actions' after all." She leans over the man with her eyes wide open and unsteady, "And do you know what's actually scary about me? What's scary is... not everything I do has a reason. I am genuinely insane and random. Sometimes, I do something so weird and involuntary that even I question myself why I did it. Not every action or personality shift is planned. It's a crowded roulette wheel in this melty mess called a brain. The cold pragmatic sociopath, the overly emotional innocent child, the dumb goofball, the determined warrior, the vulgar pervert, the clever detective, the hearty hero, the charismatic villain, and so much more... none of those personas are complete fakes.... no.... they are ALL genuine sides of me. They are all ME! Every one of them is who I am, even when some contradict the other. They. Are. Me. Every. Single. One. They all take turns at the wheel~ Even they don't always know who is in control half the time. They are so different... yet still me. I'm not sure who is speaking to YOU right now, but WE are all in agreement on sharing this secret with you."

She takes a step back and chuckles devilishly, "Now that you know the truth. What will you do with that information? What CAN you do with that information? The entity before you admits that's she's unstable with brief moments of lucidity and that she is piloted by many fragments of herself. What is your response?"

The man looked as though he was to wet himself. "Are you to end me for knowing what you shared? Am I to vanish like the others you dragged in alleyways?!"

"I don't kill willy nilly. I'm not Nathaniel, nor am I a Samuel. Speaking of ugly manure-man, I didn't 'save' him... I was getting what I needed." She pulls out some personal belongings of Samuel's. "Plus, I need to free a certain fire bird before I can kill him. Which I can do now because I know about the 'furnace' at the asylum. I KNOW every little dark secret you pathetic s.o.bs hid... and I'm bringing light to them all even if it KILLS ME!"

Kaitlyn calmly dusts off her coat, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to hit on my coworkers with vulgar jokes, cuddle my wife, and then save this pathetic circus of a kingdom from itself. Good day~"

[ye-local-simp]

Hellooo~ I saw u doing matchups so I thought I'd participate in this event as well! At first I wanted to wait with my request because my birthday is actually on the 5th of March, but that's when the event ends- SO HERE I AM :D I'd like to have a romantic matchup with a twst boi pls. Btw, please excuse my awkward communication skills lol

Thank youuu in advance if u accept my request.

(General stuff)

My name is Yade/Jade (the way its written changes in literally every country- not me sobbing in confusion rn), I'm female, use she/her pronouns and … I am weird. 160cm tall, (i have no frickin idea what that is in feet- I am European lol I think it's 5'2 tho), my parents are from west asia (turkey) but I was born in Austria. (Btw, idk if dis is important but zodiac is pisces and mbti is infp/intp. Its weird)

Appeareance:

I have a diamond shaped head with sharp facial features, my dark brown hair goes down to my neck but I always tie 'em up in a messy bun so that my shorter hair strands at the front can do their own thing xD Body type is hourglass and my clothing style is pretty casual held in pale/light colors.

Personality~

-Very accepting, polite and respectful. I value these three traits a lot as they are the foundation of relationships in my opinion.

- Intelligent and wise, if I do say so myself. I have gone through quite a lot of stuff so I'd say I am more mature than others my age.

-My humor is broken af but my fam and friends tell me Im funny so I'll just go with that HAHA

- Calm and Resilient. Even tho my writing style is quite chaotic and seemes energetic I am NOTHING like that in rl. I'm pretty laid-back and calm. Not shy or timid. I just like to relax xD I am pretty resilient as well- not easy to break mentally or physically.

-I tend to get defensive extremely fast and without even realizing it. Sometimes I am ignorant, other times I am stubborn. (Lazy as well but we don't talk about that HAHA)

Hobbies/Interests/Likes/Dislikes

Gardening (Nature in general), reading, listening to music (very important- my earphones are my bebes) and designing/decorating. I am also very interested in languages. I can speak 6 rn and hope to speak a lot more in the future!

Ideal date/lover~

-Okay, so first of all- I am very inexperienced when it comes to romantic relationships. The only thing I am good at is rejecting ppl LOL

-Anyways- An ideal date for me would probably be something simple and not overly extravagant. A simple picnic, a library date or just staying at home cuddling together and watching some movies. If you couldn't already tell my love language is quality time so as long as I get to spend time with them I'm happy!

-Now onto the ideal lover… the thing is, I don't really have a type. I don't care about appearance, the only thing I care about is that my partner is somebody who I can trust and feel comfortable with. Communication is also very important so maybe somebody who knows how to handle any kind of situation. I am a task-oriented person so my partner should be confident in what he does.

- Other then that I am just happy when I have somebody in my arms when I fall asleep <3

Sorry if this was too long.. i think i overdid it :,)) IM SORRY (OMG 600 WORDS- MY BAD)

You are matched with...

Riddle!!

-He will throw small teaparties for you two to enjoy, have walks around the garden and take you to see the hedgehogs

-Whatever it is , his dates with your are always unique and cute.

-Riddle believes that if you make a commitment, you should always stay true to it, including you relationship.

-He handles every situation even though most of the time he flies into rage for you.

-But at least, the work is done

[asgardian--angels]

Have you heard the news about Till yet? Does it ruin the band for you anyhow? I've only found out about it 2 hours ago and I'm pretty stunned :/

Hey sorry for the delay in replying to this! Yes I've been following the various goings-on. I've stayed out of the discussion on it mostly because I really don't care that much - I'm way past the point in my life where I get so attached to bands that any news of 'gasp! Male rock star is shitty to women!' would have me sobbing on the floor. I mean, my favorite band was Korn for many years, enough said lmao.

Having taken in the various perspectives, news sources, and other insights from fans, it's looking very likely that Till did not actually engage in this behavior for the particular circumstance he is being accused of. I'd be surprised if he'd really go so far as to do all of that. There appear to be multiple witnesses that deny the accuser's claims. I don't inherently take sides on this stuff, I just try to judge whatever facts are available. Rammstein is a well-oiled machine with a huge crew that try to regulate their events and make it safe for everyone. That doesn't mean things can't happen, esp when Till has separate afterparties than the rest of the band, but they've been at this for almost 30 years with very few issues.

Is Till shitty to women? Often, and I'd call him a sex addict, and from what I understand in the past several years he hasn't been surrounded with great people outside the band (i.e. his solo stuff) and they've enabled or fed the worse parts of him. He has seemingly cultured an environment around himself - largely separate from the rest of the band, at least at present - where he can engage in his preferred activities. I don't agree morally with a lot of the things he does (hell, I can't stomach most of his solo project music videos), but that's nothing new, because while he may honestly be worse on this front than in the past, he's always been like this.

But in this particular circumstance, I'm inclined to say the media is spiraling this way out of control. I hate the entire culture surrounding rock band afterparties, older men seeking out young groupies, and Rammstein's 'Row 0' antics. I'd like an outcome of this whole thing to be that they stop doing that once and for all, given that the band is in their 50s and for Till, 60s. But even with whatever headspace Till has been in recently, he has a great love and respect for his fellow band members who are like family to him - and I need not expound upon just how monumentally stupid and detrimental it would be for the whole band for him to have done something illegal here. The last time he was arrested (along with Flake) was in 1998 for one of their stage acts - he's been clean otherwise (and that whole thing was idiotic anyway on the part of the MA police), and that is a testament to his carefulness and desire to not impact the band and the lives of the band members. He got pyro certified to design their stage acts and ensure the safety of everyone during their shows after an accident in 1996 - he's a man that shows commitment and perseverance, and he is very intelligent.

This entire thing has had a massive impact on the rest of the band, with some people relating it to the Mutter era where the band was having major disagreements and almost broke up - but there, they got through it stronger with a better understanding of each other and how to work together. I do feel Till is not in a great place mental health-wise, and needs to surround himself with better people re: his entourage and personal&professional friends outside of the band, and his antics in general sometimes cast a poor light on Rammstein. I hope this whole thing forces some re-examination by Till of his lifestyle, because he himself often doesn't seem very happy (without me reading any further into things I know nothing about). I think he's treated women poorly in these environments from a ~just being shitty~ point of view, undoubtedly. But ultimately, I don't think he committed the illegal activities he's been accused of in this instance.

I hate how much of this has become about taking sides, like hashtag 'I stand with Rammstein' or whatever. I don't stand with or against anyone - I think this sucks for the rest of the band being put through this no matter the outcome, I think it will have a lasting impact on the dynamics of the band and their interpersonal relationships, and I'm glad it sheds light on Row 0 and various shitty practices that Rammstein and many bands have engaged in.

Groupies will always exist, and so aging male rockstars will probably always do this sort of stuff - plenty of female fans welcome it, seeing as no one is forced to accept an invitation to an afterparty, and any Rammstein fan who finds themselves in Row 0 knows what it's about. In general, I hear overwhelmingly positive experiences about fans meeting Till and if he was consistently poor-mannered I doubt people would hold good opinions of him. The band's made it clear (via Scheider's recent statement) that any guest is welcome to leave these environments if they're uncomfortable and will be chaperoned by security. They have a huge crew of 100+ people making sure everything runs smoothly. There are changes that I think should be made to separate and/or regulate Till's private parties (or better yet, don't have them), and I personally will never understand going to these parties, but that's just me. Less than great experiences can and do happen at those parties, but that's a far cry from criminal acts. I think Till goes way overboard much of the time esp when left to his own devices, but being a lewd ass is again, not the same as forced coercion.

Personally, I honestly just think this is a shitty way to go out, seeing as the band is taking a hiatus after this tour and I get that nagging feeling we may not see them again for a long time, or ever, at least in terms of new albums or concerts (they do have a dvd coming out in a year or two). Rammstein has always tried to shock people with controversy, but not in ways like this. Various media outlets love to jump on this band, waiting for them to slip up on anything. Even if all charges are cleared, which it's shaping up that they will, much of the damage was done to Till's reputation, with multiple collaborations dropped/promos cancelled. I hope this gives him pause and a chance to re-examine where he's at in life, and that his fellow band members can help him find support where he needs it. Again, I don't defend Till, and I don't deny shitty things may happen at afterparties. But I'm weathered when it comes to rock scandals and I try hard to stay out of the personal lives of band members. So to me whatever happens happens and I just want some lessons to be learned for all involved.

[benevolentgodloki]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.

○  NAME:  Pirate

○  PRONOUNS: She/her.

○   PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: tumblr IMs for introductions to discuss threads or chat to established role-play partners, Discord for a select few I gel with or especially if you're part of a server I'm in/a group thread is being written (I get overwhelmed with notifications so I can't have too many people in separate places). Asks for everything else!

○    NAME OF MUSE(S): Loki

○    EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS/YEARS?): Idk like 22 years or something? I've been on tumblr for 10 years.

○    PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: MSN, Skype, Discord, RolePages, Vulpine Imperium, Fantasmic, tumblr

○   BEST EXPERIENCE: Meeting my best friends through fanfic and role-play

○    RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS: Vague posts/call-outs/drama, persistent negativity, repeatedly dropping threads or refreshing entire blogs and moving before we can develop a relationship, splicing dialogue/writing it retrospectively in posts, openly complaining about something without being considerate to who might be reading it, jealousy, being fandom police, Pirate whining hypocritically about all this

○    FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT: A decent mix of all tbh. Over exposure to fluff or smut can get dull for Loki. Too much angst hurts him. I like hurt/comfort. Also, my 'smut' is not the same kind of smut that word tends to make you think of. I'm not really one for mechanically jamming two muses together anyway. My 'smut' can be quite plot heavy so it's more erotica-ish? If you don't like smut usually but you're curious, you can try it out with me (if Loki's interested) and see if you like how it goes. I've converted more than one person who didn't like usual smut to start with :P Absolutely no judgement on people who just like to get right on in there, it's more jarring for me without build-up and exposition. Sometimes I'm even happier to fade to black if we've done a lot of the same old thing.

○    PLOTS OR MEMES: Light plot or memes. I don't like heavy plotting unless we've been discussing something specific and got excited. I like to pants my way through threads usually until we spark something up. I don't reblog memes often but established partners can check my /memes tag and send things in and if I want to turn it into a thread I will!

○    LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: Short to medium. I'm very succinct with what I write and I don't always do a lot of introspection because Loki's a trickster so getting in his head sometimes reveals too much to a partner. I've also read too much Pratchett so I get to the point quite fast, except when Loki's waffling the hell on. Sometimes I do get 'hooked on a feeling' or there's a lot to say and the replies get longer. With partners I'm not always a fan of long posts unless there's a good reason for it e.g. Smaugie does lots of awesome exposition and world-building and character stuff. Some peeps however are fleshing things out a lot or they end up godmodding so it's very difficult for me to explain what my character was doing or to further the plot without my brain crying.

○    BEST TIME TO WRITE: Late morning to early eve

○    ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): I find lying incredibly uncomfortable unless I'm acting, so no XD I am also not a magical frost giant god with a religious following. I am however bisexual, pagan, and wish I could physically flip my biological sex and appearance at a whim. I don't like to take hard opinions on anything so I'm very middle-ground trickstery, but I'm also obsessed with order and schedules due to my (likely) autism. I'm also far more clever than I am wise, though I think I'm gradually exchanging Intelligence points for Wisdom as I get older. God I hope so.

TAGGED BY: @paragonrising :D

TAGGING: Anyone who hasn't done this before or wants to do it again!