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heartofstanding · 2 years

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Defaming the dead and other historical fiction problems...

(cw: discussions of misogyny, homophobia, rape, ableism, slut-shaming, xenophobia, incest, abuse, child sex abuse and grooming. If a shitty histfic novel has invoked it, I'll probably mention it. also some hyperbole.)

The "Don't Defame The Dead" movement/campaign was pretty strong in the early 2010s and came as a response to some... pretty horrendous historical fiction, probably best typified by Philippa Gregory and her imitators. You know, the protagonist is a saint and anyone who opposes them is horrifically evil and the (typically female) protagonist is subjected to torture porn and forced into a Madonna/Whore, Good Girl/Bad Girl dichotomy with another woman?

Mostly, "Don't Defame The Dead" was invoked in reviews and discussions but there were also a handful of blog posts that featured memes in which the "defamed" historical figure answered back to these "accusations" via the means of an memed ecard, like so:

For a time, I was fully on board with it. I had the same frustrations with bad historical fiction. A novel would take a historical figure I was interested in and make them into the irredeemably evil baddie and I hated it. Here was a way to answer back that was used by some of the people I respected most in the histfic circles I was lurking in. And the edits framed the movement in easy terms. It was a matter of historical accuracy. It was all lies. It was also a matter of morality. The dead can't answer back and how would we feel if we were depicted like that?

But then I got off the Don't Defame The Dead train and started thinking it through and I didn't like it.

So, couple of things:

I'm probably exaggerating the size and strength of the "Don't Defame the Dead" campaign. It did have a big impact on me, though.

I certainly understand the logic and motivation behind it. I'm not by any means defending the shitty novels that inspired it or saying that they're OK and the anger/disgust/upset caused by them isn't real.

Because this is tumblr, yeah, legally speaking, you can't defame the dead. No one ever claimed it was a legal argument. It was probably the best snappy one-liner around.

Don't Defame My Favourite Dead Guy

We’ve all got historical figures we’re attached to enough that a "bad" or offensive depiction is upsetting. It's natural that there are some figures we're going to be far more sensitive about and figures that we don't like and don't care if they're beaten with the villain stick within an inch of their lives. And obviously, how well someone picks up on whether a figure is "defamed" is going to be dependent on how well they know that time period and how much they care. Someone who is in the weeds of the reign of Henry VIII is going to have a lot more opinions about what counts as "defamation" in a novel about Anne Boleyn than they would in a novel about the Roman Emperor Nero. And, depending on who their favourite wife is, what they think happened and how much they buy into the six wives stan wars, they're going to have a different idea of who is defamed, how badly they're defamed and how they're being defamed. I'm not above the feeling either: you can beat Cardinal Henry Beaufort to a second death with the villain stick and I won't even blink. But so much as raise the villain stick vaguely in the direction of Mary de Bohun and my hackles will start to rise. The point is, it's all understandable and natural to have these kind of reactions.

But it's hard to take "don't defame the dead" seriously when you see this kind of reaction in the very people promoting it. If "defaming" the dead is as immoral as they say, they should be up in arms about all "defamation", not just when it's their fave or reflects badly on their fave. And yet you could see the same bloggers basically renacting the "I can excuse (blank) but I draw the line at (blank)" meme. I can excuse misogynist vitriol against Margaret of Anjou but I draw the line at depicting Richard III being anything but a smol bean. I can excuse slut-shaming Katherine Howard but draw the line at slut-shaming Anne Boleyn. I can excuse Hugh Despenser being depicted as a rapist but I draw the line at Edward II being complicit in it.

(yes, this is a real Don't Defame The Dead card, I didn't make it.)

How does one "defame the dead"?

If it's not already clear, I'm not exactly comfortable with labelling bad depictions as "defamation". It's a term meant to induce an emotional response, a sense of this is serious but I don't think it always is serious. I'm sticking with the terminology though because that's what the campaign used and I can't think of a snappier replacement.

But if we're worried about the defaming the dead, how do we define defamation and who decides what is or is not defamation?

Period-attitudes? Because while we might not have an individual's own feelings and thoughts on the matter, we can use the general attitudes of the period to assume how they would have reacted? Um, no. It's a stupid-ass approach. Firstly, we rarely know how closely an individual hewed to societal conventions and beliefs. Secondly, period-typical attitudes usually contain masses of racism, xenophobia, misogyny, classism, homophobia and other biases. That way lies "well medieval anti-sodomy rhetoric means saying Richard II was queer is a smear!" and worse.

What about historical accuracy and most likely scenarios? Is that a good guideline? Well, yes and no (I talk about the evidence problem a lot more below). What about the author's intention, does that matter? Or is the reader the arbitrator? If so, how do we get past the problem that everyone will have a different idea of is "historically accurate" and what counts as defamatory? What if what is called "defamation" is just a way of the reader expressing their own bigotry and/or bias?

This one of the cards made by Edward II historian Kathryn Warner, referring to the trope first popularised by Braveheart in which Edward III is a ~secret bastard~ of an affair Isabella of France had, though who the "real father" is varies. It's a stupid trope, based in homophobia (because a gay king couldn't possibly father a warrior king) and sometimes misogyny (Isabella is reduced to the vehicle through which Wallace avenges himself on England in Braveheart or depicted as a slut). But most often, it seems to be intended to show Isabella acting with agency, forging her own path in attempt to find happiness despite an unloving husband and, in some measure, triumphing over the Patriarchy™ because her son by choice ends up as the next king. If intention matters, then it's not meant to be "defamatory" to Isabella. It's still grossly homophobic, dumb and defamatory to Edward II. But Isabella? No.

The same logic that Warner argues makes it defamatory to Isabella could also be applied to some of Warner’s own arguments to other women. She speculates that Edward II had an incestuous affair with his own niece but doesn't seem to be upset about the possibility of Eleanor de Clare's adultery (it's also interesting to compare her neutrality on uncle-niece incest with her her older posts where she declares how disgusting Philippa Gregory's depiction of Anne Boleyn committing incest with her brother is). Elsewhere, Warner argues that Joan of Kent did not marry Thomas Holland before she married William Montagu but fell in "love or lust" with Holland during her Montagu marriage, had an affair with him and together cooked up an plan where they would both untruthfully claim to have married earlier so her marriage to Montagu would be annulled and she could safely hook up with Holland. Therefore, the annulment was never legitimate, she was never legally married to Holland or to the Black Prince and her children with both these men were all bastards, including Richard II.

Therefore Warner’s Joan is an lying adulteress who foists a bastard onto the throne. The evidence for such a claim is lacking and seems largely based on the confused anecdote that Holland may or may not have served Montagu as a steward at a time Joan may or may not have been living with Montagu and that it’s “odd” that neither Joan or Holland spoke up about their marriage before her Montagu marriage. Warner’s intention with this is ostensibly to show Joan as a strong woman acting with agency to get what she wants – the same intention that seems to be at the core of depicting Isabella as an adulteress. Why is one defamatory and one not? Yes, the traditional view of Joan is disturbing for its depiction of a love story between a 13 year old girl and a 26 year old man but it’s a bizarre choice to “correct” this fucked up over-romanticism by arguing instead that the woman who would otherwise be the victim of CSA just lied about her experiences and was actually an adulteress who foisted a bastard on the throne. Because it's "odd" she didn't speak up by her Holland marriage earlier or that Holland not speaking up is out of character from a man who was the "furtherest thing" from a coward. All of this could be explained by the fairly well-known dynamics of child-grooming and abuse but apparently it makes more "sense" for Joan to be an lying adulteress.

And that's not defamatory to Joan at all. Right? But making Isabella an adulteress is defamatory. Right?

Right?

R-E-S-P-E-CT.

"Don't Defame The Dead" frames “defamation” as first and foremost disrespectful to the dead people involved and that alone makes the depiction irredeemably offensive and immoral. But to me the real issue with bad depictions is not whether they're "disrespectful" to the person or that it treats them "offensively" but the way they often perpetuate narratives of misogyny, racism, classism, xenophobia, antisemitism, fatphobia, transphobia, body shaming, ableism, slut-shaming and so on. Or that they use rape and abuse as a cheap plot device and/or titillation, or that they use past tragedies and oppression as a cheap points-scoring device.

And of course all these things can intersect: Depictions of Margaret of Anjou usually heavily emphasise her identity as a Frenchwoman (xenophobia), the way she is a subversive woman who doesn't know her place (misogyny), and her dangerous sexuality (slut-shaming). Depictions of Eleanor Cobham keep the misogyny and slut-shaming but swap out the xenophobia for classism (she's a gold-digging slut who won't stay in her rightful place, which is typically defined as Catherine de Valois's vast social inferior).

The most offensive and harmful thing about the idea that Edward II ‘let’ Hugh Despenser rape Isabella of France is not that it’s disrespectful to any of the parties involved but the homophobia in depicting a queer man as a sexually depraved rapist and the salacious, cheap use of rape. By a similar token, what is most offensive and harmful today about the idea that Margaret of Anjou’s alleged adultery and Edward of Lancaster’s alleged bastardy is not what it says about Margaret, Edward or Henry VI but the misogyny involved in depicting Margaret as a sex-hungry and power-hungry slut and hypocrite and the ableism involved in presenting Henry VI as being incapable of fathering a child and lacking in awareness to realise what Margaret has done (it is possible to write this scenario in a "good" way (i.e. a choice made by Margaret and Henry together) but afaik no one has ever written it). Edward II, Despenser, Isabella, Margaret, Henry and Edward of Lancaster are all long dead. But issues like ableism, misogyny, homophobia and the salacious use of rape still cause massive harm today to living people and these depictions reinforce these ideas.

The “don’t defame the dead” campaign also frequently framed the defamations as bad by asking how “you” would feel if these things were said about you. Well, yeah, it would be incredibly hurtful for myself and my loved ones to be the subject of these defamations. But the comparison is inherently a false equivalency. The campaign was primarily about individuals in the medieval and early modern periods. Everyone is long dead. Everyone who ever knew them to care about their feelings have been dead for centuries. What does it matter how they would feel about how they're depicted or what's said about them and the people they knew? They're beyond knowing or caring.

To frame bad depictions as a matter of respect requires a question: why should we respect the dead? I’m not saying that there are not historical figures worthy of respect because there absolutely are but instead querying the basic idea that being dead makes you automatically worthy of respect. The campaign argues that the dead should not be disrespected or “defamed” because that every single one of them was human, that we should think about how we would feel if that was us and that they’re dead and unable to answer back.

Sure, we should remember when we’re writing historical fiction that everyone was human, not cartoon caricatures and cardboard cut-outs, but the idea that being human or dead makes someone deserving of respect is... nope. There are people who deserve exactly zero respect, whether living or dead, and I'm fucked if I'm going to give it to them.

Don't Do That.

I realise by framing this as "it doesn't matter what's said about the dead, what matters is the harmful ideas behind it", I am inviting a never-ending piss-contest about which "defamation" actually perpetuates the most harm. Don't do that. That's fucking stupid. It only makes the Ricardians vs Tudorite wars worse to make it about ableism vs xenophobia. I don't even belong to the Tudor fandom but I've seen it descend into this shitfuckery.

It's entirely possible to recognise the harmful rhetoric at play in "bad depictions" without making it a pissing competition about which historical figure has it worse and which prejudice is worse and that prejudice is worst than the other which means the other doesn't really matter. It is possible to hate both the xenophobia underlying depictions of Margaret of Anjou and the classism in bad depictions of the Woodvilles without wanking over which one is worse.

And for love of god, we need to stop conflating "I don't like/agree with this thing" as "and therefore it is morally wrong" or "and therefore it is more morally wrong than the things I do like/agree with".

The Get Out Of Defamation Jail Free Card

Do you have evidence for your depiction of that person? No? Go to Defamation Jail. Go directly to Defamation Jail, do not pass GO, do not collect $200. Now think about how you would feel if that had been you depicted like that.

Oh, you do have evidence? Well, let's see, I care about the person you defamed so I'm going to go over it with a fine-toothed comb. I'll hit the archives if I must.

Actually, I don't care and I don't know much about the person, I just need to see a citation and you're good to go.

So, if evidence gets you out of Defamation Jail, what counts as evidence and who decides if it counts as evidence or not?

Is it enough to have the work of a historian as the basis behind your depiction? That can be evidence. But what if the work is outdated or not widely accepted or written by a crank? Does someone writing a novel about Elizabeth Woodville based on John Ashdown-Hill's biography of her, dripping in virulent misogyny and bizarre and unevidenced claims as it is, get a pass for defaming the dead? After all, a historian wrote the book they're working from. The answer, btw, is "oh my god, no". But that supposes I know enough to know how vile the biography is. Suppose I don't and I assume he's a reliable, non-biased historian? I'd probably go "ok, well, I guess that's what she was really like".

And what if the evidence that a historian's work can provide is in an entirely different context? If someone is consistently described as violent and vindictive in his role as a landowner but there's no evidence of his relationship with his family, is it defamatory to depict him as abusive to his wife and children? I don't have evidence that he was... but I also don't have evidence that he wasn't... and do we really expect to have evidence of this? ...the evidence does suggests he was a quite a nasty man... but I can't defame the dead...

Well, what about historical records? Is that enough to clear an author of a charge of defamation? Again, it really depends on whether the reviewer has enough knowledge to judge whether the record has issues or not: is it a sceptical report that's treated as 10000% legitimate? Hagiography? Propaganda or counter-propaganda? Do we contend with the fact that a lot of historical records were written by educated, religious white men, that women's own writings were a comparative rarity and (until relatively recently) often filtered through a man (i.e. a transcriber, a publisher, an editor), that marginalised identities are often treated as a curiosity or moral lesson?

And is OK to depict women like Alice Perrers, Eleanor Cobham and Margaret of Anjou as evil bitches because chroniclers universally dunked on them, never mind the misogynist, classist, xenophobic and/or factional bias in the records, and only a few historians - often in academic circles - have been interested in trying to challenge these interpretations while many, many more have uncritically regurgitated them up and ladled on more misogyny, classism and xenophobia?

What about the reviewer/blogger's own biases? The Don't Defame The Dead crowd were big on historical accuracy. Things had to be "accurate" or, failing that, the most likely scenario, which typically meant Occam's Razor and statistical likelihoods were to be used. But the thing is, while useful tools, history and individuals are never just what statistics and Occam's Razor would tell us they were. It also means marginalised lives or marginalised parts of life tend to stay in the margins because we lack "proof" that they existed. Statistics are also not as infallible as they might seem. Are we applying them or an individualistic or population basis? And modern population statistics are based on modern ways of categorising and identifying people. To project it back at the past means we assume that the past had the same categories and identities that we do and that's not always the case.

New discoveries and research can undercover things that utterly destroy what is considered the "most likely scenario". The histography of Tutankhamun is full of this but perhaps the most dramatic is this: until his tomb and mummy were discovered in the 1920s, it was believed he was an older politician who came to the throne after the main dynasty had gone extinct. It was not considered likely he was the son of one of the preceding pharaohs. A novel written about him pre-1922 according to what was "most likely" would now be considered laughably inaccurate. A novel written today based on what's viewed as "most likely" would be considered laughably inaccurate back then.

Murder at the Defamation Court

Let's say I want to write a novel about the murder in the Princes of the Tower. I already hear some Ricardians hissing because I said they were murdered, not they escaped or were spirited away somewhere safe and that's defamation enough. But I need to decide who murdered them. Even I don't end up revealing whodunnit in the novel, I should probably know for the sake of writing a good mystery novel.

I first circle over to Richard III as the culprit. I've got a few historians who say he did it, a few more that say he is the most probable murderer and a few more that say he must have been complicit in the murders, whether or not he did it or not. I've got some contemporary-ish writers who report that it was widely believed that Richard was behind it. Ricardians would say, despite it all, I've bought into Tudor Propaganda™ and I'm defaming Richard III. It might make a good story (just ask Shakespeare) but the defamation makes it a no-go (just ask the Shakespeare professionals getting hate mail from Ricardians).

I discard him as a culprit and start examining the other suspects, put forward by Ricardians (some of them good historians, some of them cranks, but, whatever, a citation is a citation). I examine Margaret Beaufort, Henry VII, the Duke of Buckingham, Jane Shore and a bunch more. But the historical evidence just isn't there. All the theories are just based on evidence that basically requires you to build a castle in the air out of speculation. One of the alternatives might make a good story but there's no evidence for it.

In short, there's not enough evidence to convict Richard III, Margaret Beaufort, Henry VII or Buckingham etc. etc. for murder but there is enough to convict me of defaming the dead.

In desperation, I ponder whether it's possible to write this novel without accusing anyone of murder. I hit upon the solution. What if the Princes aren't murdered after all? Maybe rocks fall and they die. Or what if I create an entirely fictional character to commit the murders though? The dead won't be defamed and with a fictional character, I can make up whatever motivation I want.

But isn't that kind of a bad story telling choice? If you read a good novel about a historical murder mystery and you believed the solution, wouldn't you feel absolutely cheated if you came to the author's note and found out a large part of the book - a vital part, some would say - were entirely fictional because the author couldn't dare to defame the dead?

What we require evidence of.

A decent amount of the cards focused on depictions of historical figures as rapists and abusers. To be perfectly clear, I’m not defending those depictions, I haven't read them all but I suspect most of them have as much sensitivity as a sledgehammer. I've talked about the depiction of rape in historical fiction in-depth before here so I'm not going to make this post even longer by summarising that post. The point is: historical fiction has a massive problem with depicting rape. And of course no one wants to see their favourite dead person depicted as unforgivable rapist or abuser.

But I don't think the right solution to this problem is to demand that an author either has evidence (and clear, definitive evidence - if it's speculative, we must give the dead "the benefit of the doubt") or else never depict rape or abuse in their historical fiction novels.

Look, we know the issues about "proving" rape and abuse in our own modern society with all the benefits of progressive social movements and modern medicine. We know that the stricter gender and/or class roles, the commonality of violence and concepts like "the marital debt" in historical times would have further stifled discussion of rape and abuse. We also know that very few in society had the means or ability to record their story. So we shouldn't necessarily expect to have evidence of rape, much less clear and definitive evidence.

And we need only look to to the appalling ways some Chaucer scholars have talked about Cecily Chaumpaigne or Warner's treatment of Joan of Kent or the Gille de Rais apologists to see the ways in which evidence of rape and abuse is challenged and dismissed, even by historians presenting themselves as progressive (the Chaucer-Chaumpaigne case turned out not to have been about rape at all but is a very, very recent discovery).

There is also important work being done by scholars on rape and abuse in history (for the medieval period, see Carissa M. Harris, Caroline Dunn and Dyan Elliott) and no doubt what they uncover is just the tip of the iceberg. Some recent work on medieval mistresses takes the time and care to point out the massive power differentials between a mistress and her noble lover and how, while we can sometimes have a good idea at how her lover felt about her, we have no idea at all how she felt about him or her situation.

It's absolutely important to talk about the way histfic uses rape and abuse in cheap, ugly ways and it's absolutely justified to be upset by it. But I don't think the answer is to demand an author either has perfect evidence or never write about rape or abuse. There are plenty of novels that do depict rape and abuse sensitively and I don't think we should throw out the baby with the bathwater. If someone wants to write a sensitive, thoughtful depiction of what it would be like for a person - even a real medieval monarch or noble - to be the victim of abuse or rape, I don't think we should demand they bring "proof" of their depiction or not write it all. And I say that meaning: yes, even if it makes one of my faves a rapist or abuser. I don't have to read that book. I might be mad about it but I don't have to read it.

Writing While Not Defaming The Dead

The whole “don’t defame the dead” campaign is understandable and was an attempt to address an issue with bad historical fiction. But it doesn't really work. I don't know if I respect any medieval king - I can feel sympathy for them, I can get annoyed by bad depictions of them, I can be fascinated by them. But I don't know if I respect them and I don't know if "respect" is a good thing for an author or historian to have if it means they hold their subject in awe and try to find a sympathetic explanation for everything they do, especially if it negatively affects how they see their subject's contemporaries.

It gives a seemingly rigid rule for storytelling when things are much more shakier than it seems. What counts as defamation? What counts as evidence? What sort of evidence is enough? Who gets to decide what is accurate and what is defamation? And the thing is: sometimes the stories we want to tell are bigger than what the historical record gives us evidence for. Sometimes the stories we want to tell are more important than the reputation of a dead person.

And using it as a guide for writing, some of it is good advice (a reminder that they were all human and real - fairly basic but then historical fiction fails this one fairly often) and some is not necessarily good advice.

No, I don't know what Edward II and Isabella of France's sex life was like. No one does. I know this is referring to various homophobic, misogynist and grotesque depictions of their sex life and it's fair to be upset about that. But it's weird to see a post primarily about historical fiction frame it "don't pretend you know" about their sex life. I'm a fiction writer, my job is pretending to know.

Sure, authors shouldn't publish a sex scene they've written with their hand down their pants* and they should be careful about how they approach depicting sex. Sure some sex scenes can be "disrespectful" (i.e. written with hands down pants) or bad but they're not all horrific. And no, I don't count rape scenes as sex scenes. But it's kinda their job as an author of fiction to work out their characters' sex lives (if their characters are having sex), even if they're based on real historical people. It's their job to work out the bits of their characters for which there is no evidence to tell. Sex is a normal, everyday part of life for a lot of people, past and present. It shouldn't be scrubbed out of historical fiction because it might lack "evidence" and we can't "know" what happened or it be construed as "disrespectful" to dead.

But despite all the words I've written criticising the concept of Don't Defame the Dead, I can't quite let go of it. There are times where I've read a shitty histfic novel and wanted to stamp the words all over the book. I don't want to be an author that causes a reader to have that reaction. I also know it's inevitable I will.

As a writer myself, I think about things. I find myself going in directions that would be considered "defamatory". Wouldn't it be cathartic if I wrote a novel about Eleanor Cobham as a good, perfect, sweet woman who is mercilessly menaced by Catherine de Valois in revenge for so many Catherine novels that demonised Eleanor? What if I depict a character's father as abusive when I don't have evidence he was? What if I decide to explore the issues around consent that a mistress might face even though we have no idea whether she consented freely or not? And apart from the first one (it's kinda baked into the concept - "write a shitty histfic novel in revenge for other shitty histfic novels" and anyway I've abandoned that impulse), I know I would handle these subjects sensitively, that I wouldn't make it a case of bogeymans and perfect victims. But in the back of my head, I hear DON'T DEFAME THE DEAD. And I wonder if I should and ultimately suppress the urge.

*unless it's on AO3.

Postscript.

Where we encounter historical fiction also primes us for how we react to it. I react very differently to someone writing whump or smut fic and posting it on AO3 or tumblr than I do encountering something that is basically whump fic or smut in a historical novel. So I feel like it needs to be said that it's absolutely okay to write whump and/or smut. They can be fun and cathartic or just plain hot. It's absolutely OK to share it on tumblr or AO3. But it's another thing to publish them in a "serious" historical fiction novel and go around talking about how the novel is based on serious research and absolutely what happened and also they're empowering feminist stories that are oh so important.

#tw rape #tw csa mention #tw abuse #tw child grooming #text posts #historical fiction venting #historical fiction

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please-someone-give-me-love · 2 years

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I watched Wakanda Forever and I had a lot of stuff to say. Review.

Not only I cried multiple times,even more with the last scene, but also I feel excited to see a part of my culture as a Mexican in the movies. A lot of mexicans are sharing the same feeling too.

Namor is an incredible character with a lot of grey tons and amazing acting by our mexican actor and everytime they said Kukulcan or they talked Maya, I couldn't feel nothing except happiness.

But first, I wanted to talk about the main theme.

There's a lot of stuff going on with a lot of characters.

We had Shuri and her mom dealing with the grief of T'Challa's death, every one of them deal with different responsabilities and conflicts. Shuri deals with the desconection to her culture and resentment to it because she couldn't save her brother.

Her mom, The Queen of Wakanda, deals with the responsability and weight of a nation and how this one is being attacked by someone so powerful.

We had Okoye, who doesn't like the tecnology because she is afraid of her culture getting erased, so she aboide to advanced.

We had the whole people on Wakanda, who is dealing with the disasters and the council who is trying to mantain control of everyone.

For other part, we had Namor, someone who is consumed by the cycle of hate who only wants to protect his people but in the process his vision of the world has changed.

Every one of them had their own themes, especially Shuri, who had to take more responsabilities and get mature faster.

She as a Black Panther can look a little bit rushed, but it's really not like that, I am not gonna say nothing but she learns how to be a better person and take better decisions, even if that seems hard at the beginning, she had an incredible development in this movie.

I am not gonna say nothing more about the characters because it will spoil.

But for other time, I wanted to talk about the plot and cinematography.

The plot is definetly one of the most serious and darker plot in the MCU, it has some jokes but just the enough to not opacate the theme and it's incredible to see their personal conflicts, inside and outside of their country.

But the worldbuilding with Namor's country is beautiful and even kinda remembered me to Avatar. Talking about it, it was so interesting to see the conflict between these teo powerful nation, how they demostrate that both are strong enought, physically and mentally.

I also think the way they integrate Riri to the story was cohesive, it didn't feel like a replacement to Tony but someone who was inspired by him.

Also the cynematographic is so beautiful, so the ost too, definetly the best of the MCU.

Maybe some cgi effects with Riri's suit but it's easy to ignore.

And the coreography of the fights were amazing and excited, the amount of culture was beautiful and so interesting to see.

The bad thing.

The duration, I think the movie could be shorter and not too long since it could feel a little bit boring and tedious.

Some conflicts like the american man who helped feel like filler, it didn't have a lot of impact except to add more.

I understand it was an internal war but it would be great if they added some reactions of the outside.

I don't have a lot of bad things to say because I really enjoyed the movie. A lot of people had mixes reactions, but this is my opinion.

I think the MCU should stick with this format, being more serious and developing characters and fights in their own proper way without thinking of multiverses stuff that they don't really know.

Wakanda forever is defientoy one of the best superheroes movies in the whole industry, a really emotional oda and goodbye to beloved one that represents the pain and the grief.

#wakanda forever #mcu

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feralforfrank · 2 years

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who did this to you?

BRADLEY "ROOSTER" BRADSHAW X FEM!READER

cw accidental injury (reader got hit in the face), crying, NON-DESCRIPTIVE READER. (tell me if i missed anything)

a/n THIS IS SO SHIT, BUT I HAD TO COME BACK SOMEHOW SO HELLOOOO. inspired by this tweet.

masterlist | taglist

Bradley Bradshaw hated you. Well, hate is a strong word, but that's how he felt. He thinks...

He hated your arrogance, your defiance of rules—mostly the french braids you would make instead of the required ponytail just to get on your Admiral's nerves. He hated how you smiled at Hangman and Coyote's jokes or when you indulged in conversation with Phoenix and Bob but never him.

Your laugh, posture, clothes, everything is perfect, and he can't stand it. He can't stand how good you were at confusing Mav's scanner while in the air or how you challenged him to see who would complete a simulation's mission faster.

He just didn't like how attractive, funny, intelligent—how flawless—you were. He definitely didn't have a crush on you or something. And he definitely didn't want you to pay an ounce of attention to him without glaring, seething, or snarking back a response to him.

But when he saw you speed-walking down a hallway, nearly hitting other pilots and superiors, not once looking up or apologizing, he couldn't help but worry about you. Where was the snarky watch it comments directed at the younger pilots? That was very unlike you. And so, he moved his feet directly in your path, waiting for your body to collide with his. So he could finally understand what was going on.

Your shoulder hit his as you tried to move past him, but he was faster. He grabbed your shoulders and steadied you, your callsign leaving his lip a few times.

"Hey, sunshine, what's wrong?" His nickname always worked a reaction out of you, but this time, you just brushed him off.

He gaped at you, watching you walk away. His feet moved before his mind, and he followed you into the changing rooms.

"Hey!" He called your name again, and this time you stopped.

Your back was to him as you touched your face and pushed your hair back. He stood there waiting for you to turn around, but you never did.

"What do you want, Bradley?" Your voice trembled. Fuck.

Something was actually wrong. He was never Bradley. He was Bradshaw, or Lieutenant, even Rooster on good days. But he has never been Bradley, and it's not how he imagined you saying his name for the first time.

Suddenly, his throat is dry. Your attention is only on him—no Seresin to make jokes and no Nat to gossip with—and he would've blushed under the intensity of the situation if it weren't for his concern.

"You, uh, okay?"

He watches your head move affirmatively, but bullshit. He takes a step but your voice, soft and shaky, stops him in his tracks.

"Don't. Please, Rooster, just go away."

You've never spoken so softly to him. Your voice sounded like you were barely holding in sobs and something in him awoke. In a matter of seconds, he's standing in front of you, fingers softly lifting your chin.

What he sees shocks him to the core. Your right temple is a blueish-dark purple colour, meaning there's a bruise forming. A trickle of blood had dried above your right eyebrow. His cheeks redden, and his body tenses. The tears you've been trying to shoo finally fall, and you wince, closing your eyes in pain.

"Who did this to you?" Bradley finally whispers.

The raw anger he's feeling is barely contained by the rapid inhale and exhale through his nose. When you don't answer, he calls your name, voice trembling.

"Who was it?"

"Jake." Your voice is barely a whisper, but his stomach drops.

He's moving away from you and towards the door, but you stop him before he can escape.

"No, Bradley, please. Leave it alone, please!"

His breathing comes out in pants as he squints at you. "W-What?" Your callsign escaped from his lips in a stutter. "Seresin put his hands on you! I'm going to kill that son of a bitch!"

The rage in his voice makes you wince and slightly pull back, the ringing in your head intensifying by how loud Rooster's voice is.

"He didn't do it on purpose!" You try to explain as he tries to free his arm from your grip. "He and and this guy were fighting, and then they started throwing punches, and me and Nix got in the middle to separate them, and I was pulling back Jake, and his elbow hit my temple." You pant. "It was an accident, Roos, I swear."

Bradley exhales, and his eyes soften at your hyperventilating state. He moves closer to you, his palm cupping your cheek again to inspect the damage.

"Come on," he speaks softly, pulling you to the bench.

The changing room thankfully has a first-aid kit in the corner, and there's a forgotten but ice-cold water bottle next to you. He wipes the dried blood and covers it with a band-aid. Your eyes never leave his, focusing on every part of his face instead of the pain in your cheek.

"Thank you for helping me," you say quietly, halting Rooster's movements.

His eyes meet your glossy, wide ones. They're as beautiful as ever. "Of course." His tone matches yours.

The silence that engulfs you is different now. It's comfortable. Rooster's cologne makes it much better, and you're glad he's here.

A smile rises on your face. Rooster notices, but his eyes never leave your bruise as he carefully places the cold bottle on your cheek. You slightly wince, but the smile never disappears.

"What're you smiling about, sunshine?" He can't help the smile that grows on his face as you fail to contain a giggle.

"Your mustache is uneven."

"Shut up."

[ taglist: @roosterschanelslut @mak-32 @maverick-wingman @amnmich @mattyskies @wildcole @gretagerwigsmuse @bespinnn @collaps3r @oikawasblueearbud @rip--tide @barryswifey @fanboyluvr @spookys-girl @lonelywitchv2 @j-deimos @heywheresemily @avengersfan25 @piceous21 @sarahjoestewy-blog @n3ssm0nique @mouseymagines @xx-kate-xx13 @vaporub4ever @reading-rosa @marie1115 @dxvanadeline @plaboneruda @awesomebooklover17 @darling-seraphina @kenobiow @tw1l1ghtlvr @desert-fern @melody-death @studentville-struggles @bordelhoe @this-is-a-bad-idea @giuliamunson @graysondanvers @danielmarie @kwanimations @erinnn-brry @mvnsons-slvt @eberles @shatfairy @alexxavicry @oksloan3 @messers-marauders-prongs @marvelsimps ]

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yjwhatif · 3 years

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With the semi/cryptic confirmation of Ed and Barts relationship in the series I have a question:

Do you think everyone knows about them (in world) or do you think they’re keeping it secret from some?

It’s just a thought that’s been in my head recently. It is most likely fuelled by the whole drama of G&B not being able to depict a “specific character” (it’s definitely Bart) as gay. They’ve had to hide the relationship from their audience - because of ridiculous reasons - but there are still moments that bring up the question - Are they? Before the reveals from AskGreg, I kinda thought- well they are clearly not together yet, but perhaps they both have feelings for one another and are just waiting for the other to make the next move because they’re nervous idiots who don’t want to have read the situation wrong — all while their friends are like - seriously guys? just get together already. Kinda like they did in s1 with Wally and Artemis - and I guess early Supermartian as well - which I would have been okay with... though with the likelihood of there being at least another two year time skip you’d probably have missed the getting together moment - which would kinda suck. Anyway. With the information about the chances being they were supposed to clearly be in a relationship throughout S3 — which makes the whole structuring of ILLUSIONS just make sense — it’s got me viewing their moments with a whole new energy. Also, I saw this post by Greg —

And let me just clarify, I have no idea if this is actually referencing the Ed and Bart stuff, it might not be (probably isn't). This is purely me speculating.

My reading of this is they got told they couldn’t depict Bart as gay pretty late on and that specifically affected ILLUSIONS where they likely intended to confirm the relationship with that first shot - the kiss on the cheek moment. Even now that moment is just odd - because it’s there but it’s not - because technically there is no actual kiss… which I think is absolutely the point. It plants the seed without actually breaking any rules - all by keeping the momentum but removing the specific kiss frame. It’s the only moment that I feel is explicit in saying they are in a relationship - everything else you can just read into and imply there’s something - but they technically don’t confirm anything.

The whole thing is actually quite interesting - despite the reasoning for it being totally ridiculous. By keeping/showing what they did... People notice it. People talk about it. People reflect on it. More people talk about it. People writing. Make. Create. Discuss it. An entire audience is formed who want and support it. It’s a whole thing now because people noticed it and generated a positive response to it - and that was before all the AskGreg information. The whole reason YJ got a season 3 is because the fans fought to get it back. Enough people talked about it - and kept talking about it - to convince TPTB that the show should come back. Greg and Brandon know this. They know the power the fans have and maybe they hoped that power would help them again in freeing Bart from these ridiculous restrictions. #letbartoutofthecloset

Obviously, we can't know until S4 is released whether G&B got the permission to confirm Bart's sexuality the way they envisioned - but maybe the responses that came during the release of 3b were enough to convince TPTB that they were fighting a losing battle. But who knows, people in power can be very stubborn at times, so we will just have to see what we get. Fingers crossed they eased up though - and not just because of the Ed/Bart relationship (which I am obviously a fan of -- it's fine if not everyone is) - but because these restrictions on LGBTQ+ content shouldn't be a thing and need to stop -- there is just no validity in them.

Anyhow. despite their not being allowed to officially confirm the relationship, Greg's comment about Ed's having a boyfriend they can't name basically confirms the fact without technically breaking any rules again. Masterfully done Wiesman. With this, it implies the pair are in fact dating during S3 which brings us back to the original question... but who knows??

With the comments of Virgil during ILLUSIONS, it's easy to assume their friends do in fact know. They also seem to have no problem being close and interacting with one another whilst in the presence of others -- that is, except for one moment...

Ever since the first time I saw this episode (ELDER WISDOM) I have always found this moment strange - because Ed seems to get kinda awkward when Barry comes to check on Bart. (Or that's how I see it at least.) He realises Flash is standing there and immediately pulls his head down averting his gaze -- almost like he doesn't want to be seen by the elder. But why? Does Barry not know about the pair -- or maybe he doesn't know about Bart and Ed thinks their current closeness is too revealing -- who's to say Bart's even fully out to the world yet -- who's to say either of them are? We certainly don't since we weren't allowed to be shown. We can't know until we know - so until then we can play the speculation game while we wait.

Bart is certainly a bit of a secret keeper when it comes to being himself. I'm still convinced the Bart we see onscreen is merely his interpretation of what he thinks people expect from a speedster in this time. We saw 'real' Bart, he was snarky and cynical and nothing like the Bart we've had for the past two seasons. He said it himself - he's playing a character - and I don't think he knows how to break out of it - not while the possibility exists that it might hurt those he's grown to care about. Bart wants to be seen a certain way to avoid acknowledging the truth of the past - if people see him as happy and smiley, then no one will question him on things he doesn't want to talk about. The problem with that is you can't hide yourself forever - cracks begin to form and eventually, the truth comes out whether you want it to or not. So who knows how comfortable Bart is revealing any of his true self to those he cares about. Maybe his relationship with Ed will be the thing that finally helps him find comfort in being himself, whilst also trusting others to still accept him as himself... and maybe getting him that bit of therapy he really needs.

This brings us to Eduardo… First, can I just say it made me so happy to see Greg’s confirmation of Ed being gay - though it is slightly annoying that he was robbed of his explicit onscreen reveal in S3 thanks to the drama with Bart. His whole relationship to his powers in S2 to S3 fits the representation of coming to terms with your sexuality/identity from a very negative point of view. Feeling like it’s something that needs fixing or needs to be “cured” - to then finding the light and freedom in accepting yourself for you. His growth between seasons is brilliant. He understands the hate and insecurity the teens are feeling because he felt it himself. He does all he can to help them because he never felt he got that help when he needed it - and no one deserves to feel worse for being who they are. Obviously, the things he talks about are framed in the context of dealing with/accepting the meta-gene - yet there are certain moments where it seems he’s saying more than that…

All of which got me wondering - why did Ed originally runaway? It certainly wasn’t because of the meta-abilities he did not yet have. All he’s ever said on the subject was he thought he wanted to be with his father - the man it seems he barely had a relationship with. No, I think Ed has been running from himself for a long time and his dad just happened to be an actual direction for him to aim for. The way he speaks about his wanting to be “cured” and “praying to get rid of his powers” suggests an upbringing around religion and traditional ideas of there being a ‘normal/proper’ way to be — while anything that doesn’t fit that way is treated as other or something that needs to be changed or 'fixed'. Maybe he ran to avoid being found out and run the risk of being ostracised by those he loved. Or maybe he was found out and leaving wasn’t entirely his choice*. If this was the case, I can certainly imagine him not wanting to come out to his dad for fear of his reaction and completely losing all chance of that father-son relationship they’re both trying so hard to keep. It can seem easier to live in secret than risk the reality of loss. So while the meta-gene likely wasn’t the main thing he was angry about in S2, it was able to become a physical thing he could blame and focus his anger on - without having to think about where his issues truly lied… Though with a bit of time it also became the thing he was comfortable conveying his feelings through...

“I’ve learned to accept, even love my meta-abilities”

I love this line so much and it’s all because of the delivery by Freddy Rodrigues. There is the slightest hint of a pause before he says “meta-abilities”, which gives the impression he was about to say something else before then remembering himself and who he was talking to. Then there’s the small inflecion he put on “love”, which makes it sound like it’s the first time he’s heard himself say the words out loud. I don’t hear him talking about the gene - I hear him talking about finally accepting himself - all of himself - for the first time in maybe ever and finally feeling happy because of it. I hear growth... From being the angry 14-year-old skater who just wanted to run away and escape any way he could. To the 16-year-old councillor/Outsider jumping straight into the danger to protect and inspire those who need it. Both he and Bart are such strong characters with so much more to be seen - especially when it comes to the insecurities which lie behind their masks. They both compliment each other pretty perfectly - both powers-wise and personality-wise - meaning while they try to hide themself from others, I don't think it'll take long for them to realise they can't hide from each other.

Anywho, that’s all the speculatary nonsense I’ve got for today. This turned into such a patchwork of vaguely linkable thoughts I’ve had which barely relate to the one I started with - but that is usually how it goes. Take it as you will…

Also, completely unrelated to YJ, but Bi Tim Drake now exists in dc canon which is really cool - seeing all of the joy it’s sparked has really given me something to smile about this week… There is hope after all. 🌈

— LB ⚡️☀️

* OK so here’s a little random snapshot into the chaos of my mind— as I was writing the Ed stuff I had a scene pop into my head of Ed finally -for whatever reason- having to tell his dad that he didn’t leave his abuelo’s home - he got kicked out. His dads confused about this and asks Why? What did you do? And Ed’s like Nothing… I didn’t do anything wrong… he just… found out something. So Seniors like Found out what Eduardo? And Ed’s getting really nervous now because he doesn’t want to say it - That I, um… I’m… Senior step a fraction closer as he picks up on Ed’s anxiety but remains an appropriate distance - Son? Then after a tensening silence he finally says it - sounding the most vulnerable he has ever been - I’m gay… The silence is there again, heavy and unnerving, neither saying a word. Ed can’t move as he’s lock in his elders unreadable glare. Expecting the worse his head drops to take in the floor - anything that isn’t the disappointment ahead - he feels the urge to disappear burning up inside him - consuming him. Then just as he’s about to escape he’s suddenly grounded by a steadying hand rooting itself on his shoulder. Tentatively he lifts his gaze to witness his father, there, with nothing but love and support in his eyes - Mijo. The clamping in his chest dissipates as all the tension escapes at once, along with the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. Ed embraces his dad and the elder embraces his son. Together. A family.

Anyway. That’s probably a load of rubbish but hey my minds full of it… but basically I really want to see a tender moment between Ed and his dad. For whatever reason. Something where Ed’s in a vulnerable state and in need of some emotional support from his father - and without hesitation his father steps up - because that’s what we haven’t seen from them yet. It would perfectly portray the strength of their relationship as father and son - despite their previous struggles - and prove that Senior is willing to support his son no matter the situation as the father - not just the scientist. Its the final step in their healing journey and I wanna see it so bad!!

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bookishofalder · 3 years

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The Bet

Hotch x Fem!Reader

Request: @honeyshelley - ‘Hiii, I just discovered you and I hope to read soon your work ! And i hope you are safe and healthly ❤ i wondered if you could write something for Hotchner, the reader can be a police officer who call the bau for help to catch a serial killer or something, a bit of angst maybe and write only of you are inspired ! Don't force yourself, 🤗’

Warnings: Panic attack description, mild CM content.

A/N: Man, I love Hotch. They did him DIRTY on CM because he stood up for his cast mates and I’ll never forgive CBS for it.

Hotch was annoyed.

Though a regularly occurring emotion for him, it was rarely so focused upon himself. Today he stood in the conference room of the D.C. FBI Field Office, where they were assisting on a local case. And he was irritated with only himself.

Because of you.

He didn’t blame you in the least, of course. He wasn’t irrational, wasn’t one to deflect or project his emotions onto others-least of all someone entirely innocent and unaware. It was just exhausting, though, working this case. You were a new addition to the field office, having just transferred from Seattle in hopes of further advancing your already impressive career within the FBI. Hotch had heard of you before, details of your more prolific cases and intense work ethic were often relayed by Spencer Reid, who was one to stay up on fellow agents that might one day suit the BAU team.

And while Hotch had been impressed, mildly interested, happy to get a chance to work with you, he had not expected the woman who walked through the front lobby and extended her hand to him three days prior. No, you had caught him entirely off guard, and he was still reeling. He hadn’t felt this way about a woman in...probably ever if he was honest with himself. Hailey and he were high school sweethearts-that kind of love was different, steady and safe and expected. Beth had caught his attention, her kindness and overall different lifestyle an alluring escape from the realities of his day to day. But things never really took off with her, despite their mutual respect.

But you, well you had him captivated the moment he met your friendly gaze, your eyes wide in clear excitement for getting a chance to work with the BAU. Your hand grasped his and he’d felt like time had slowed, just enough that he could take in every single detail as he introduced himself. The way your hair fell, the curve of your hips, the small pout of your lips. Your posture, head held high to convey the message that you were a leader, not one to be overlooked. It all struck him at the moment, and when you repeated his name in your breathy voice, he knew he was done for.

Three days later the case was going well, though there was an uphill battle, progress was progress. Hotch was happy with how his team was performing. They’d worked plenty of cases with the staff of the D.C. field office. With different sections, and even interacted with many of the agents in social settings and workplace functions, given the proximity to Quantico. But Hotch felt he wasn’t working at his best, behaving entirely unlike himself as he was completely distracted by you every time you stepped into the room.

It had been three days of variable torture, his mind continually informing him of the why not’s-the age gap, that you probably already had a partner, that Hotch was damaged and cursed and certainly didn’t deserve a woman like you. And then you’d bring him a coffee, or stand closely next to him as you both surveyed a map provided by Reid, or tuck your hair behind your ear with a little smile when the conversation turned away from work, and Hotch would feel hot and bothered and not at all like himself.

“Agent Hotchner?” Your voice pulled him from his thoughts, his gaze lifting from the tablet he’d been pretending to read, and meeting yours. You smiled down at Hotch, leaning against the table where he sat. The scent of fresh linens and honeysuckle wafted toward him, delighting his senses further.

Hotch returned your smile automatically, something he was aware was rare for him. He hadn’t needed Derek mentioning it last night as they made their way out the doors, calling attention to his sudden eagerness to smile around the beautiful, strong new agent. But Derek had always enjoyed teasing him when he could get away with it.

“I’m sorry, Agent (Y/L/N), did you say something?” Could you hear his heart right now, as it beat against his chest? The thrum, thrum, thrum signalling just how you affected every cell within his body-could you sense it?

You smirked, extending a coffee you’d been clutching toward him with a small shrug, “I think you need this more than I do, sir.” You giggled, and Hotch’s cheeks flushed in response. His fingers brushed yours when he gratefully took the proffered beverage and he felt a shiver of electricity across his skin.

Hotch nodded in thanks, “Cases like this always seem to require extra coffee.” He admitted, taking a sip and noting how you enjoyed your coffee much sweeter than he did, but at that moment he didn’t mind. It was quality coffee, hot and given by you.

Sighing, you crossed your arms and Hotch kept his gaze level with yours despite the captivating way your breasts pushed out. Inwardly, he chastised himself for his train of thought. You were his colleague. His colleague. His very beautiful, disarmingly charming colleague.

“I agree, though they come along often enough that it’s starting to become a poor excuse for overindulging.”

Hotch glanced down at his mug as he laughed, then back up. When he met your eyes, he noticed they widened slightly, a faint flush dusting your cheeks. This captured his attention fully, but before he could begin to consider how to move forward, how to find out what your blushing meant, Derek and Emily walked into the conference room, heads low.

Another victim had been found.

“I really hate alleyways. I think society needs to eliminate them entirely,” You said, your hand clapped over your nose and mouth to ease the intensity of the scent of rotting flesh from the victim that you, Hotch and Reid were staring down upon. “After this case, I’m petitioning for it here-at least within my jurisdiction.”

Hotch laughed aloud. Reid glanced up from the victim, brows furrowed and opened his mouth to no doubt educate you on everything and anything he knew about alleyways. Which you assumed was a lot, because you’d known the genius a few days now and already understood there was little he didn’t know. But you shook your head, resting a hand on his arm as you laughed.

“She’s joking,” Hotch supplied, giving you a warm smile as Reid nodded in understanding. Your knees trembled every time this man looked at you, and you were surprised you didn’t just collapse the moment he flashed you that gorgeous grin. Fuck, you had it bad.

You’d always had a thing for older men, though you hadn’t dated any. You had had a few previous relationships with men your age, either fellow students in college or agents at the academy, but they were all short-lived. You counted some of those men amongst your closest friends. But you focused instead on your career and hoped one day a suitable partner would appear.

You hadn’t expected Agent Aaron Hotchner to tick every single box on your list the moment he introduced himself and those dark, warm eyes searched your face, as though he was seeing something unexpected. You’d spent the last few days finding any excuse to work with or near him, even going so far as to join him and Reid at this most recent crime scene despite how much you really, truly hated alleys.

Nothing good ever happened in an alley, as far as you were concerned, and though you tried to hide your discomfort behind humour, you were eager to assess the scene and get the hell out of the narrow, stifling gap carved between two old buildings.

It was a short while later, when the crime scene photographer was following your instructions, you and the two men on either side of you discussing the case from the vantage of the latest victim, that the discomfort began to fester. It evolved, so slowly you hadn’t realized until suddenly your spine felt tight and your level-headedness seemed to disintegrate. You swallowed, setting your jaw and working to disassociate yourself from your surroundings, hopeful the renowned BAU agents were too focused on their work to recognize your sudden internal struggle for composure.

Though, it seemed that Agent Hotchner had been paying attention, and you couldn’t fathom why. At first, you saw his eyes sweep over you from the corner of his own, taking in your stiff posture, the way your hands clenched at your sides. You thought he would leave it alone, be embarrassed for you when suddenly his large hand was slowly pressing into your lower back. Your shirt pressed to your skin and it was then that you realized the layer of sweat that had broken out over your body as your panic attack raged within.

You closed your eyes briefly, focusing on that hand, but it wasn’t enough. The alley was too narrow, too damp and hot, the odour in the air foul and suffocating. “Come with me.” He suddenly murmured in your ear, and you didn’t hesitate to comply, moving with Hotch as his hand remained on your back, guiding you to the mouth of the alley. Once you were on the street, he moved toward the SUV that you’d all driven over in.

Using the keys, he opened the trunk and gestured for you to take a seat. Again, you followed his instructions, lifting yourself, legs dangling slightly. You still couldn’t breathe, even though the air out here in the open was moving, fresh, a soft breeze dancing across your skin.

You felt like the air wasn’t meant for you anymore, your lungs incapable of pulling it in.

Hotch leaned in front of you, his warm eyes full of concern, “Can I touch you?” He asked you, voice low. You nodded, and his hands found your shoulders, grasping gently. After a moment, during which he gauged your reaction to his touch, his grip tightened and his hands slide up and down your upper arms, grounding you somewhat. “Close your eyes, breath with me, sweet girl.”

His words sent a shiver down your spine, but you followed his suggestion and began to take deep breaths as your eyes closed. Your hands lay flat on your thighs, applying your own slight pressure. He took exaggerated breaths to ensure you could hear him and match your own.

You weren’t sure how long you and Hotch stayed like this, but his movements never ceased, and you could feel his eyes watching you. When your breathing evened out, you focused instead on the cool air, the strength behind his hands on you. Slowly, you opened your eyes and met his. “I’m sorry, I-“

Hotch shook his head, “You have nothing to apologize for. We’ve all been there.”

You smiled shyly at his words, nodding. “Well, thank you. This...it really helped.” You watched as he returned your smile, his right hand releasing your arm to brush falling strands of your hair over your shoulder. The gesture alone was enough to make you shiver again, your mind and body reconnecting as your panic attack diminished.

He seemed to notice your reaction this time, and pulled his hands back, appearing surprised. He didn’t move away, though, for which you were grateful. You weren’t ready for the moment to end.

“I hope I didn’t overstep, Agent.” He muttered, his serious frown returning. You shook your head quickly, eager for him to understand just how much you appreciated what he’d just done for you.

“You can call me (Y/N),” You replied quietly, considering your next words carefully. “Although...I didn’t mind sweet girl if I’m being honest.”

You had held his gaze as you spoke, which allowed you to bear witness to the emotions that played across the usually stoic man's face. Shock morphed into a small smile that met his butterscotch eyes, a blush creeping across his skin and his right hand moved to rub the back of his neck nervously. After a few moments, which you could see he was using to come up with a reply, he sat down next to you, your sides touching. He sighed with a smile.

“Could I take you to dinner once this case wraps up, (Y/N)?”

A grin spread across your face at his words, and, feeling bold, you took his hand into yours as you looked up at the handsome man. “I’d love that, Aaron.” You squeezed.

His eyes lit up at your reply and he returned your pressure as he smiled down at you. You stayed like that for a long while, grinning at one another like lovesick kids, so enamoured that you both missed Reid pulling out his phone to snap a picture.

He sent the photo to the team, conceding defeat to Derek and Emily, who had both bet it would take only three days for Hotch to ask you out. Spencer had bet on four days, JJ on a week, and Garcia on a week after the case would wrap up.

Now he was out forty bucks, but it was worth it to see the smiles lighting you both up as you gazed at one another. The rest of the world was background noise.

Did you enjoy this story? Please consider reblogging or commenting to ease my inner turmoil as a writer. Likes are basically just a bookmark!

#reader insert #fanfic #aaron hotch x reader #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner #bau x reader #fluff #criminal minds #hotch x y/n #requested #feedback appreciated #spencer reid #olderguy #comfort

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eclectic-soulss · 3 years

Text

Stuff I do to keep in touch with my spirituality...

There are lots of things we can do to keep us close and in touch with our spirituality, it all depends on what we personaly like , and of course on what our path, beliefs, and approach looks like.

Some may prefer quick little things on a daily basis, while others may prefer to do more complicated stuff every now and then. Some may prefer to communicate with deities, angels, or spirit guides, while others may prefer to take a secular or atheistic path. Some may focus on obtaining things like money, a house, nice clothes, while others may focus on obtaining spiritual alignment, connecting to source, or expanding their consciousness. That's why, the things each of us do, will look completely different and that is okay.

But in this post, I wanted to share with you some things that I do (or did at some point) that help me stay in touch with my spirituality. Maybe it could inspire you to start doing some of them or to come up with your own.

Being gentle with my natural rhythm: I cannot even begin to tell you how important this is for me, I've tried waking up at 5 to exercise and be productive, but it always felt like torture. When I decided to let my body dictate my daily rhythm things felt so much better. After a while of letting my body and my energy levels guide me, I discovered a thing called "Ayurvedic Clock" and my rhythm was so in sync with it. (I'll be doing a post about it soon). I now wake up at 7 but get out of bed at 7:30. My days officially begin at 10am, when I go for a walk with my dog and have breakfast. It is not until 12am or so that I begin to do school/work stuff. So, in conclusion, living in harmony with my body's natural rhythm has helped me tremendously in so many aspects.

Soothing and caring for my ego: I love my ego, I am grateful for having an ego because I understand that the only thing it wants is to keep me safe. So I treat it with love and compassion, every time it gets scared, has doubts, or negative thoughts, I let it know that is okay, that we are safe. I don't see the ego as an enemy, it is just a scared little friend that needs understanding, love, and reassurance. I don't have to kill my ego, I just have to calm it down with love.

Meditating with crystals: or just holding crystals in general, to me crystals are a powerful way to get myself into my desired state. If I want to be optimistic I take a piece of citrine, if I want to be true to myself I hold a piece of amazonite, if I want to do something that scares me I take with me a piece of carnelian. For me, the simple act of holding a crystal already puts me in a different mental state/ frequency.

Daily divination: Through divination, I feel connected to source energy and to akashic energy (will also be doing a post about akashic records pretty soon). Daily divination makes me feel like a messenger of the universe. And I can use those messages to guide me, pulling just one or two cards helps me go through my day much more confidently.

Listening to positive music: I used to listen to a lot of sad-angry metal, and I still LOVE that type of music. But I realised that the more I listened to it, the more I unconsciously began to think in the same way; I was hopeless, sad, angry. Changing the type of music I listen to on a daily basis has had a huge impact on my overall mood and approach to life. I now listen only to music with positive, uplifting, and loving messages. The sad angry music I let it for very rare and very specific situations.

Sunbathing for at least 15 minutes: Used to hate the sun, never got out of my house and if I did I would always try to avoid the sunlight. But when I began to embrace the warmth and beauty of the sun, something within me changed for the better. Now, sunny days make me feel so happy and positive, with a lot of energy and enthusiasm. (I actually think I may have had a vitamin D deficiency, and that's why the change was so drastic 😂). But anyway, I now love the sun so much that I even want to move to LA.

Recording and listening to my own affirmations: I loved affirmations since the first time I knew about them, but the ones I would find on YouTube wouldn't resonate with me that much. When I started writing and recording my own, things clicked. Listening to my own affirmations in a loop while meditating has been an absolute pristine way to change my beliefs and assumptions.

Scripting: I haven't done it in a while. But when I did it daily at the end and at the beginning of the day, my mood and reactions to things would match that of what I wrote. I always scripted stuff like "I am so grateful that my days are full of positivity, love, and light". And that's what I would experience, if something happened people around me (and I) would always react with love and had a positive mindset.

Sleeping more hours: I love sleeping, what can I say? On average I sleep from 8 to 10 hours 😂. It not only makes my body and my mind feel well-rested, or makes my whole mood better. But it also helps me feel connected to source and to other astral planes, and levels of consciousness. I used to communicate with Poseidon through dreams a lot. I also love to lucid dream and to analyse my dreams to decipher any messages that could be in them. A lot of my magic happens in my head, and dreams are a way for me to tap into that magic.

Drinking more water: If I don't drink enough water my whole body resents it. My head hurts, I get nauseous, I got no energy. And how am I supposed to be spiritual if I physically don't feel well?. I sometimes have to force myself to drink water, because if I don't I could go the whole day without having had a single sip, and that is not good.

Talking out loud as if someone or something was there: I don't know, I may be the only one, but I feel like talking out loud kinda gives me a bigger perspective of things. Like it's no longer just my ego thinking of a solution, but source itself (or a specific god) manifesting through what I say, offering me a solution. (I will also be doing a post about this). Talking out loud to nowhere makes me feel witchy and magical for some reason, although it may look crazy to others 😂.

Letting my emotions flow like the ocean: If there's something I learnt from Poseidon is that, resisting the waves of my emotions will just crash me down, but instead riding the waves will help me grow and learn. (especially emotions like sadness and anger). And with this, I don't mean just giving in to whatever I'm feeling, but instead accepting it and letting it be there for a long as it needs to. By doing this those feelings usually go away pretty quickly and I feel so much better after a few minutes or hours.

Keeping my space clean: This has a huge impact on my mental health. If my space is all messy and dirty that's how I feel inside, if, on the contrary, my space is clean and organised it manifests as positivity, will, productivity, and happiness.

Removing myself from unwanted situations and conversations: I don't mean this in the sense of avoiding situations that make me uncomfortable, but rather consciously removing myself from situations and conversations that don't bring anything valuable to the table. Like for example, gossip. Or conversations full of negativity. Or stuff like getting drunk for no reason at all. If it doesn't bring anything valuable to me and my development, then I don't want to be a part of it.

Living from the heart/love: This is something I'm still working on, living from love. Making sure everything I do and say is coming from love. For example, exercising because I love my body and I want it to stay healthy and strong, instead of exercising because I hate the way my body looks and I want it to be skinnier. Changing my mindset and my approach to things to one of love hasn't been easy, but it is something crucial to me so I'm gonna keep working on it.

#Conscious Souls

Eclectic Souls

#eclectic souls original content #witch community #witches of tumblr #spiritual awareness #spiritual awakening #paganism #self development #Conscious Souls

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bxllafanficc · 4 years

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A world without heroes

Summary: Loki is imprisoned after the sudden attack on New York and with that, rest of the earth. And while you always thought you would have your lover's back, you find yourself unable to forgive this one. It's time for you to decide when enough's enough.

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x reader

Sidenote: This was inspired by the song "A world without heroes" from KISS. I just immediately though about a moment where reader would be thrown into a deep sea of darkness after finding out the major betrayal lingering beneath many layers of Loki Laufeyson's charismatic persona.

The cold surface of the bulletproof glass is supposed to have a large impact on your wrist as the two objects collide. It's supposed to hurt but it doesn't. The glass is meant to stand and for you to give up. You're meant to lay off and calm down; meaning, stop slamming your fist into the cell like if it was going to break if you just willed your way through.

They say that if you want something enough, you possess the power to do anything. But what do you want to such an extent? More importantly, what does he want? What did he really want? Has he ever wanted any more than a throne to sit on? Or was there something more to it? Did he even know what it really meant? And if so, did he realize the consequences of his actions; not just by the billions of lives he would have destroyed, but his family, yours and especially his own as well.

A part of you wants to believe that he was under some kind of control; that he wasn't really conscious these past days. All the lives he already stole, you want to think that if he had a choice, he would've spared them. You want to believe it all so badly. You want to throw all your common sense away and just collapse into his arms. Give him a tender kiss and gaze into his eyes with lingering warmth like you used to. To forgive and forget.

But the common sense stays where it should be. You can't. Because the past days he's been imprisoned, he's confirmed every action. He doesn't even defend anything; thinks he doesn't need to. Rock-hard believing his decision was the right one to make when he really had no right.

And your eyes are no more tender and soft; but clouded and swollen, piercing through the pair of eyes on the other side of the glass. And your mouth is not tasting the sensetion of sweet lips. Only the salty wetness of your tears pooling like mad rivers.

Your chest feels heavy and about to explode. You need to scream; feel like that's the only solution to relieve the pressure. You almost feel like you're being choked. Choked on love, choked on hope, air, trust, literally everything your life has contained so far.

And the man in front of you doesn't seem to understand how your world is seemingly falling apart before him. The pure confusion in his eyes is twisting your stomach and your feel like throwing up.

"I thought I knew you."

Your sobs has quieted down. Before, you weren't able to speak very well. You just had to wait the storm out until it came rushing back ten times worse next time.

"You do, darling. You always have."

Calm as a snake and laid back. He doesn't even seem to realize that every word spoken will matter in the following moments of actions where you will decide both your fates for him.

"Did I, really? How can you look me in the eyes and say that with your disgusting pride!" You spit at the glass; aim at his feet but it doesn't seem to faze him a tiny bit. You want to bring out a reaction from him, cause maybe then, you would get some sense of honesty out of him.

"My disgusting pride? The world we're living in is disgusting and twisted. How can you even compare midgardians brutality and greediness to Asgards prosperity and beauty?"

You don't want to hear this talk again. Only a couple of years ago, you would have ignored it as just one of his endless bitter rants and thought nothing more of it, not knowing that he was actually planning to find an end to his irritation.

"(Y/n), darling, You have agreed with me on this! We agreed that humans are short minded, only good for the cause of starting a war between their own race and assassinate each other. Their petty little lives are doomed anyway."

You can't even process the amount of irony and hypocrisy seeping through his sentences. You want to scream at him. You want to hold him. You want to cry, give him a piece of your mind. But you want to fall asleep in his arms. You miss his embrace so much. Endless tiredness since he vanished, only to find he's become a monster.

Your fists attempts to break the glass once again, aiming at his perfect eyes. Those damn eyes. The same eyes you used to adore. You still do. Torn between what you want and what you should do.

"You had no right! Who are you to choose who gets to live and who doesn't?! Why should you be any different from the humans?"

Your words are no longer contained into normal conversation. Only now, Loki seems to actually start realizing the weight behind your rage.

"I did it for us, love! For you. How am I supposed to give you everything if I'm just a mere god, son of a bastard and feared of my own people. Is that the man to give you everything? Is it?"

You don't even know where the thought process of this has sparked in his mind. Never have you asked anything unusual from him, just endless trust and honesty. You have always supported him when no one else would and when nobody wanted anything to do with him. A shoulder to cry on or an ear for venting. You've heated him up with your warmth when he was feeling cold and kissed him back to health countless of times. You used to be his. In return you only asked for trust and honesty. And the funny thing? In the end, you got none of that.

"I never wanted the world, Loki! I wanted you! Couldn't you see that you were enough?"

"Why do you care about the midgardians so much? What have they done for you? Have they given you flowers when you were sad? Have they kept you company at nights where you were haunted by nightmares? Did they do any of those? Because I recall it was me who stood by you all those years!"

Why is he suddenly so angry? It makes no sense to you. When he for once speaks from his real thoughts, anger and frustration is still the feeling behind it. Even if he got his plan to destroy earth through, it wouldn't stop his burning hate.

"You speak like they are nothing but soulless objects, pawns for you to manipulate when you feel like it!"

"They need a group of unstable mutants to protect them from dangers! A bunch of heroes that they don't even really like sometimes. The heroes gets the blame of the catastrophe happening even if they are the one fighting it! Is that a society worth fighting for? Their beloved little heroes are nothing but fools."

"Everything is worth fighting for. You don't know these people, do you? And as for the people, the heroes are a beacon of hope; a sign to stand strong and come together!"

You stand quiet for a second. Your fist lowers itself against the hard surface.

"Against people like you."

You don't want to see him anymore. Heard enough. Ready to go. You've made you decision. Because how could there ever be a change to this man? When he's been hiding his true nature behind your back for so long? Did you even know who you loved? Could you even call it love?

"Did you ever love me? Or was I just being fooled this entire time?"

Concern is now displaying on him for real. Maybe he's realize where you're going; what you're about to say.

"Why would you ask that? I love you more than anything! (Y/n), please understand this! I'd do anything for you!"

"Then tell me one single moment, just one, where you've spent time with me and thought 'I could be satisfied with this. I don't need power. I'm good with what I have'."

You heart is aching with anticipation. It's almost fatal. You don't want to know but he must realize it himself before you can finish.

And you can really see how he's trying. He's trying so hard for you, he thinks. He probably thinks he's tried doing everything for you; when he really just needed not to do anything at all. And just like you guessed, there comes no words. He knows you'll see if he's lying and knows you're right. But you don't ever think he will ever regret his attack for the right reasons. Nor for you, to get you back. No, you'll never accept that.

"I can't live like this, Loki. Can't you see you're breaking my heart?"

"I didn't mean to-"

"No. You didn't mean to do it, right? That's what you're gonna say... But I've heard enough. You have made a decision. And it's about time that I make mine as well."

The realization hits him almost instantly. And all the traces of his usually calm manner were gone in an instant. He's no longer standing with hands clasped behind his back. But they're clawing and pawning at the glass keeping the two of you apart. Loneliness is the one fatal emotion he hasn't dared himself to feel for years with you by his side. But now when it all might be taken away from him in a matter of seconds? How is he supposed to react?

He's begging, pleading, punching and screaming. Sobbing and begging even more. His silvertounge can't save him now. Nothing can save him now from the unruly fate. A path he himself had laid out beneath his feet.

"Please, (Y/n) I love you! I don't want to be here alone!"

...

"Please... It's cold and dark. I can't breathe without your warmth! Just.. Please!"

You can't stand to hear any more. His pleading is too much and you've stayed enough.

Your heart feels like it's being torn in half by your own hands as you turn around, the cold of your back hitting him in the deepest depths of his despair. And it sets him off.

You're going to leave him. The only purely good thing in his life is going to leave him. Where is he going to get his hugs? It doesn't matter because they won't be from you. Is he even going to remember your face when time has passed? Will he even remember your laugh, smile or your goofy little moments together? Will you find somebody else? Forget about him and move on.

Loki doesn't want you to move on; doesn't want you to move at all. He's ready to do whatever it takes to get you to stay.

And he would, if there wasn't a thick wall between you, keeping him from you no matter how hard he slammed it or how loudly he screamed at you.

Pleading became despair and despair led to threats; the only solution left to try.

He knew it was wrong. Wrong to threaten a loved one, especially you. But he would never accept his fate knowing that he hadn't tried anything in his power to make the only thing left for him to love slip past his hands.

But a tiny part of him knows that you won't hear him. Won't listen to him like those late summer nights under the moon on a cozy blanket, you tightly wrapped into his embrace with a content smile on your face.

Or the time when a sudden attack of sorrow and anxiety hit him in the middle of the night and you held him close to your chest while whispering sweet assurances for him to fall asleep to.

You had been his anchor to the real world.

You were the only thing to keep him sane enough.

But it wasn't enough in the end.

You had been his hero.

But not even a hero could save someone's world sometimes.

Especially when he was the one ruining it.

His love.

(Y/n)

#inspiration #marvel #marvel imagine #art #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #loki of asgard #loki x y/n #loki series #loki friggason #loki x you #loki angst #marvel fanfiction #marvel angst #thor odinson #thor x reader

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redheadscribe · 3 years

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My Invincible Review

Well, this is a little late, but hey, better late than never. My dad and I started watching this show when we were done with Falcon and Winter Soldier, and we wanted other shows to watch. I kept hearing good things about this show, and I have heard about the comic before. Once I watched the first episode, I was hooked, and I really want the second show to come out soon.

The story is about Mark Grayson, a sixteen-year-old boy who just started to develop his own superpowers. He is the son of Omni Man. Basically, this world's Superman, and as the series goes on, Mark learns that well, great power comes great responsibility, sorry not sorry. Aside from that lousy joke, Mark goes through the trials and tribulations of being a superhero and dealing with family drama and teen drama. This review will be heavy spoilers, and so I will go over each character and a few of the story beats. I have not read the comics, so this is all about the TV show.

Let's start with the adults of this series, beginning with Omni Man, voiced by JK Simmons, and JK Simmons excels at this role. He is terrifying, and he is a fascinating antagonist. I say antagonist because no true hero would beat their son into a bloody pulp. Anyway, he is a perfect character, and I enjoyed him. I was terrified of him whenever Deborah was trying to investigate whether or not he was involved with the murder of the Guardians of the Globe as I didn't know what he would do. Knowing that he killed the Guardians while the other characters didn't develop a lot of suspense had me on the edge of my seat. He is a monster, and I wonder what will happen in season two. Overall, I like Omni Man as an antagonist of the series.

Let's talk about Cecil Steadman, and I like him as well. I do not have that much to say about him, except he kind of reminds me a lot of all the government agents from Marvel and DC. Despite him working with the heroes, I enjoy that he would still have some dark moments like recruiting that messed-up doctor who created the reanimen. I am seeing him coming to blows with Mark and other heroes soon.

Now let's get into Eve's parents. I hate her father as almost calling his own child a bitch is not cool. Also, did he cheat as well? I mainly wonder because he was like, forgive Rex as he made a mistake and did no wrong. If he did cheat, I have a lot of questions to ask the mother. Eve was right to leave that toxic household.

Now let's go to Robot Man, and he is an exciting creep. He had to deal with a lot considering what his natural body had to go through, but he often meant well. However, when he started to have this creepy fascination with Monster Girl, I was very uncomfortable with how he interacted with her. I am not a fan of Rexsplode, but he had every right to be freaked out when Robot introduced himself in a younger version of his body. Also, why hasn't he found something to help Monster Girl? He said that he was doing this for her, but Monster Girl needs more help than him just getting a new body.

Next is Black Samson, and I like him. I was pretty happy when he got his powers back, and I love his character. I loved his interaction with the New Guardians. I apologize that I don't have that much to say about him, but I do like his character.

Lastly, I'll talk about my favorite adult character is Deborah Grayson, the best mom ever. Also, fuck you, Nolan, for calling her a pet! She is amazing. She can keep Mark human and remind him how important it is for a hero to help people no matter what. She reminds him that she is a human. I love how she took a role when she notices that Nolan is very suspicious because she knows what her husband is capable of. The poor woman had to see her own son get beaten to the brink of death by her own husband after hearing said husband call compare her to a pet and realize that all their years married were a lie. Someone needs to give this woman a hug.

Now let's get into the New Guardians of the Globe. Let's start with Shrinking Ray, as there is not that much to say about her. I mean, I loved her introduction scene, but she didn't have that much screen time. I would like to see more of her; maybe she'll get more screen time in season two, perhaps she won't. I also want to see more from Dupli-Kate(I don't know if I spelled this correctly). The only scene that stands out to me is when she was involved with Rex, and that's not cool.

Now let's get into Rex Splode. He basically has Gambit-like powers but lacks the charm and charisma and is an overall douchebag. I really don't like him at all, and he is probably the weakest member. While his powers could be helpful but he is not the best person personality-wise.

Next is Monster Girl, and I love her. I really hope that she would get her curse lifted. Aside from Mark and Eve, her story is probably the most compelling and pretty horrifying. If I noticed that I was slowly de-aging, I would be freaking out as well. I hope that she stays away from Robot.

Now let's get into the other characters that aren't really a part of a team. Let's start with William, and he is fantastic that Mark doesn't deserve some time. I would have been angry at Mark for being so obsessed with Amber and not helping find his crush, who was transformed into a horrifying cyborg-like man. Then again, I am not William, and he is a good friend.

Now let's get to Amber, and I love Amber; she is a great character and is not a bad guy. Amber wanted to break up with Mark as he was a terrible boyfriend. Also, I am glad that she didn't take Mark back when he revealed his identity. I mean, if William was okay with knowing Mark's identity, Mark should have stepped back and maybe talk to Amber about his superhero life. I feel that Amber knew about his superhero life during the college visit, and she had it with all the lies. That's just my headcanon, but she is a pretty cool person. I even loved her interactions with Eve and how she inspired Eve to go out on her own. She is not a terrible person. She is a teenage girl who is frustrated with being treated by a guy who would not leave her alone when she tried to enforce boundaries.

Now let's get into Eve, my all-time favorite character who is probably the most powerful being on earth. I know that Mark and Eve would get into a relationship soon thanks to some spoilers while surfing the web, but I am looking forward to the slow burn. She is the best character in the show, and her powers are fantastic. She is just the best; that all there is to it.

Now let's get into the main character himself, Mark. Now I just want to say is that I do love Mark. I love me, a character with flaws. I feel like he was spreading himself too thin, he wanted to date Amber and be a hero, but he was a terrible boyfriend. Mark, I love you, but when someone says that she wished to space give her space. The relationship was unhealthy, and I really wanted Mark to stop and let her go because he had so much to deal with. This is what always frustrated me. I mean, Mark caused a good majority of the relationship problems. I love him, but he had to stop.

The rant aside, I do love Mark as a character and a lead character as well. While he appears to be strong, he is a character who does not understand the responsibility of being a superhero. He has a robust power set, but he has no idea how to use it or what he is getting into. He does have the best qualities when it comes to being a hero. He is kind, always wants to help people with their problems, and just wants to be a good hero. He is an excellent lead, and the poor boy really has gone through a lot in a short amount of time. Still, he does have a great story, and his reactions to what has happened to him are pretty human. I mean, I would be happy if I learn that I have superheroes and then be a mess when I know that my father was insane.

Overall I loved this show, and when is the second season coming? I am not good at exercising patience! All of the characters are great, and the animation, from my limited knowledge, is fantastic. The plot is fantastic and fast-paced, and I cannot wait to see more of the show.

#invincible spoilers #invincible tv series #mark grayson #atom eve #invincible animated series

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s-mething-mbti · 3 years

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Hello! I just found this blog, I am so happy! I am sorry for the verry long ask here but could you help me figuring myself out??

Before starting, I am a 20 y. o girl and I have anxiety disorders... Also, I am not really fluent in English. As I can read and understand very well, writing is always a bit tricky...!

1. I first took tests (I saw somewhere it would be more appropriate to say "questionnaire" as there is no good or wrong answer, but I don't really know haha). I got INFP, and just went with it. A year later I took other tests and got the same results, but I did not really think it "clicked" as I thought these tests did not take enough into account...

So I tried looking into cognitive functions, kept a record of some of my behaviours and why I reacted some ways... But the more I looked into it, the less I could narrow down to fewer things. Thus I figured I could need help in order to find at least a direction for searching ^^'

2. I absolutely love reading the same books over and over again, watching all over again the same series to the point I know them by heart. I could go all day binge-watch or binge-reading the for the 15th time the same thing. I also love reading reactions from people about these same series / books! I also absolutely love daydreaming. Many times, I stop every 5 pages or 6 minutes of watching to run in my flat to get a shoot of fantasies (sometimes fueled by what I was just watching/reading). Outside from home, I love going to bookshops (2 to 3 times a week, preferably during off-peak hours, I am not comfortable at all in crowded places).

3. I kind of think I am not someone really pleasant to live with. I speak a lot, I love speaking, but I don't listen (mostly because I can't concentrate on it, I am focused on showing I am interested in what I am not listening to by noddind or maintaining eye-contact, and also a lot of times at home because I don't care). In fact, I can only concentrate on what is said if it involves one of the things I read or watch again and again or if it is a subject I really like. Also, at home, I tend not to do what I am told, because I want to show that I could have thought about it and done it by myself. However, when I am outside, with other people, I am unable to say "no", even if I end up not doing it, or I find excuses not to do it or not to accept it and feel bad about it.

4. My friends, and even my mother, told me I was very kind, bordering too kind. Taking in account what I said in (3.) I don't understand how they can think that...

5. Leadership: I really dislike taking leadership. I don't want and am scared to impose my view on others (and most of the time I just have nothing to say, head empty). At school I hated group work except if it led to an oral exam (oral exam alone is worse than everything, I cry in front of everyone, so if someone can speak with me or for me it is better). However, if no one gives direction, I take the very minimal lead because otherwise the work would not be done at all and we would spend hours looking at each other (I would only say "I could do that, what are you most confortable doing? And I can also reshape/review the text at the end if you want" ). The only thing I am confident with in group work is proof-reading, I love correcting mistakes, in fact I can't let a mistake pass if I see one (I must be so annoying...).

Self-expression: I love saying how I feel to my close friends, like I want them to validate my feelings. I often ask "how are you" firstly out of courtesy, and secondly because they will ask me in turn and thus I can say everything I want to say. In fact it is often self-pitying. But if someone tells me to move on because it would not make things change, I might start being harsh or lash-out. At the end of the conversation or after parting, I almost every time feel bad because I finally notice that I did not ask anything or enough to my friend, and that it is wrong.

Also, I rarely interact with people on the bus or in the streets even if I sometimes really would like to. But if I do so it is mostly in order to show that I have knowledge on the subject in question, and only after that in kindness.

However, I hate asking people to do something for me (except little things like passing me the salt or giving me a glass of water). If I do so, I fear that people are reluctant to do it, or do it because they have to. I would prefer if they proposed it by themselves and if I could be really sure that they are doing it because they want to.

6. Novelty : it would be true to say i dislike change or novelty. Several facts: when I was 2 or 3, I didn't like watching new movies, so my mom had to put them in background, and I would pick interest later. In primary school I cried an awful lot because we were throwing away our broken sofa. At the end of middle school, I didn't want to go to high school because I felt better as things were. Same thing at the end of high school, and same again at the end of my 3rd year of university. Right now, new metro lines are in construction. I think of metro network as my playground (I love taking the metro), and the fact that the network as I know it will change somewhat makes me uncomfortable. I always prefered how things "were before". (I think it feels kind of confortable this way)

7. I procrastinate a lot. So much in fact. I hate being late because it is disrespectful, but I am always just on-time or late. I am also disorganised and can't follow plannings. I guess I am too lazy...

Another thing is that I am obsessed with identity. Pinpointing who I really am has been an obsession for many years. If I could be unique by knowing who I am, it would be a great accomplishement to me. When I was young, I would have an obsession for wearing items of a certain color because it was my trademark. Same for favorite animal or favorite season. It leads me to be quite envious at times.

Also, I often think of what impact my behaviour might have on others. For example at school, I would come back several times (but not all times) for exams if I was not too sick because otherwise I would have had more time to study with no drawbacks, and it would be unjust to the others. I also care a lot about what people would think about me, even if it does not really seem to be the case after everything that has been said haha.

Finally, I have a strange relationship with helping others. I really would like to help, because it is the right thing to do and it is kind, but when a situation presents itself I think "ugh why me". If I turn a blind eye, I feel like a monster. If I help and fail I feel bad. If I help and succeed I feel really good and proud of myself, but these situations should not occur too many times as they make me feel anxious before, during and after. On the other end, I am very bad at comforting, and often do it badly. I don't like seeing people cry, it hurts, but otherwise I don't understand how people feel.

Well, after writing this I have the impression of being a complete paradox and not someone to speak to hahaha! I have so many things to change in order to be more pleasant to live with!

Well... sorry for the long text! And thank you for everything!

I’m leaning towards ISFJ.

I’m seeing strong Si/weak Ne. You gave several examples to show you’re much more comfortable with what’s familiar, and resistant to change. Re-reading/watching media, trouble letting go of familiar items, your mom playing movies in the background until they were familiar enough for you to enjoy - all strong examples of Si throughout your whole life. Also, your first example of familiar media still giving you inspiration/fantasies is a great example of Si/Ne working together.

I can see young Fe in being “too kind,” and having trouble saying No to people. You don’t like imposing your needs on people, and are aware when you can’t meet someone else’s needs (“I felt bad I didn’t ask my friend enough and that is wrong.” or “If I help and fail, I feel bad.”) You show an awareness of the impact of your behavior on others, and have a sense of “social courtesy.” You gave a good example of Si/Fe in saying “I ask ‘How are you’ first out of courtesy…and then they will ask me in turn.”

Lower Ti shows through a bit in your enjoyment of proofreading and correcting mistakes, or when you said you engage “to show I have knowledge on the subject.”

#ask #type me #isfj #mbti #myer-briggs #Anonymous

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musictatertot · 6 years

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Walking a mile in their shoes (Yang)

A previous post about Ruby and her character development up until the episode "So That's How it is" has lead to this! Yang is absolutely fascinating!

Let me know if you guys noticed anything I missed or if you think I have misunderstood/misinterpreted something (highly likely).

Yang Xiao Long

Out of every character in the show right now, Yang worries me the most. Her character development has been spot on and completely realistic, but not particularly in a good way. At least, not for the situation she is in.

Yang has been through some shit. Not even just recently, but her whole life. The feeling of abandonment that has followed her her whole life has never really gone away. In fact, it's only grown stronger.

In the first three volumes Yang was bullheaded, stubborn, energetic, and a large positive influence on her team. She had always been Ruby's cheerleader, pushing her to be more confident in herself and go for the gold! She was the main support pillar of Blake, working closely as her partner to make her feel safe and listened to. Those first three volumes we didn't really see many interaction between her and Weiss, but just because you aren't actively working to help someone doesn't mean you are not helping at all. Weiss is from a very tense, closed door kind of home. Yang, for all intents and purposes, was the Sparta kick to all closed doors she had never known was possible. Watching someone with that kind of confidence can be extremely inspiring, and I believe that might have been a strong portion of the respect the two clearly had for each other throughout those first three volumes, as shown in the two vs. two battle in the tournament.

Then Beacon fell and everything went wrong. Cinder was right to have them take out Yang the way they did (those rat bastards. I still love them as character portrayals but damn them!). Yang was the unshakeable foundation. She held absolute belief in herself because she had worked her damned hardest to be able to feel that way. She made sure her team, her family, saw her as someone they could depend on. Someone who was strong enough, and good enough, to defeat anything in their way.

Mercury and Emerald took that from her. I know we all place pretty much all of the blame for Yang's emotional turmoil right now on Adam (and rightfully so that dick) but I don't think we should forget that directly before that she had already been shaken down to her core beliefs. For a moment there, her whole team had been against her. Not aggressively, no, but it was clear that they were horrified by her actions (false as they were but no one had known that yet).

Suddenly her role was gone. Ruby looked at her as though she were the one that needed supporting. Blake, for a heart wrenching moment, believed she could become a cruel person. And Weiss...

Weiss actually surprised me. For all of her troubles with Ruby and Blake before I had expected at least a small confrontational remark. Nothing major, she had clearly already grown and opened up some by that point, perhaps just asking her why she did it. Instead she was completely supportive of Yang, immediately believing that she had a reason for what she had done and that the reason was valid. I knew she had grown but at this moment I realized how much. Good job Weiss.

I think that was a strong starting point for the supportive relationship (romantic or platonic, I just love the interactions and really, really want to see more so you can choose for yourselves) that they begin to develop in the fifth volume.

Weiss withstanding, Yang was still at a loss. Then she hears about her mother from Qrow. I won't say it was a wrong call, I don't have enough experience with either of their emotional states to say if it would have been better to remain silent or not, but it is factually accurate to say that Yang was in a very emotionally vulnerable state when she got the news.

Mentally vulnerable, mentions of absent mother thus bringing a strong reminder of those heavy abandonment feelings, Beacon falling, loosing an arm (another huge part of who she is) and then Blake leaves.

If the tournament had gone well, or at least Yang had been left alone, I feel like Yang would have reacted a bit differently about Blake's disappearance. She still would have been upset, absolutely, but the strong stab of betrayal she had felt would have been lessened. At least, I believe so. Too much had happened, she couldn't think about why Blake had left. Only that she had.

Thoughts of abandonment had already been on her mind. The situation exacerbated that and tore what little mental defenses she had left down. Losing her arm was, no doubt, an extreme blow to her core. The mental manipulation just added twice the impact.

(I actually think she should be equally, or maybe even more so in some cases, vengeful towards Emerald and Mercury, but I can see how the actual physical trauma has overwritten what they did in her mind a fair bit)

As such, I was supremely impressed when she was able to pull herself up again, and in such short time too! I know it was months covered in the fourth volume, but things like that can take up to years to even to begin making strong progress in. She wasn't completely stable, of course not, something like that doesn't just go away (and CRWBY you are gosh darn amazing for keeping that in mind you loveable masterminds) as shown by her shaking hand in tense situations and outbursts of anger whenever she is questioned but she was taking strong steps forward. She was trying, and really, that's all I wanted for her.

Honestly, I think at this point she has genuinely moved on from the trauma of what Adam has done to her (not the feelings they inflicted, but the trauma of it), taking that pain to make herself stronger, but she is still struggling immensely with what Mercury and Emerald did to her. This is especially worse because I don't think she even realizes that there is a problem that needs to be addressed (Jinn, can we please have some more questions please? We need a therapy circle, stat).

There are a lot of different ways to process trauma. It all depends on the person and what works for them! For the trauma with Adam Yang has turned her pain and fear into vengeance and anger again. Awesome for her, she's moving forwards! Unfortunately, by not paying attention to the mental attacks she suffered she is using those same tactics against those without fully being aware. In volume five it was not quite as noticeable, a few moments here and there (shouting at Ruby and Weiss, losing her cool when asking about her mother being turned into a raven), but I especially noticed it in her character songs. Especially "Ignite".

Yang's songs have always been about self assuredness, fighting, and unwavering confidence. These were still there, and I loved it.

There was also a lot more... aggression. "I Burn" as well as "Armed and Ready" were about fighting and fighting back against an oppressive force. "Ignite" was a bit more brutal. Slowly but surely her actions are taking on more violent means. She has always been a fighter, so violence is par for the course, but the line in particular in "Ignite" that caught my attention was "Didn't mother warn you, now she's going to mourn you". Several other lines follow this thread and I can clearly see that her anger and bloodlust is on the rise.

Not necessarily a bad thing, when fighting enemies. Not a great thing when it is directed at the people closest to you as well.

I adore Yang, but I am growing increasingly worried about her more constant bouts of anger. They are valid reasons for anger, but she is losing the restraint she once had. My main case in point is when her, alongside Weiss and Blake, turned their weapons on Qrow.

Weiss and Blake I can understand. They don't know Qrow. All they know is that he is extremely loyal to Ozpin so of course they would be wary of him approaching Ruby when she stands against him.

Yang, however, knows better. She's known Qrow even longer than Ruby, and his actions were clearly pacifying. Standing between him and Ruby, sure. Letting him know you stand with her, even if he disagrees. Pointing her weapon at him, that's too much. That is a reaction without thought, which is becoming more common.

I also find Yang acting more and more like, well, a rebellious teenager. Teenagers go through a hormonal period where it is literally almost impossible to see things from a point of view different from their own, particularly when they are upset. Everyone has it at different times in their lives ranging from preteens to even their early twenties, but it is still a process of growth. It is very egocentric, very normal, and a very bad time for it.

Yang has no patience anymore. She is acting hypocritically more and more often. Being angry at Ozpin for hiding things is natural, and I expected it. But the amount of anger she held and self righteousness she showed was at odds with her own secrets regarding Raven. Protecting her mother is something I empathize with, but Raven is also a Maiden. If you're going to get mad at someone for hiding things about the fight you are in, you should be aware enough that you are doing the same. She is not; this the teenage egocentrism.

Even during Jinn's story about Ozpin's past, Yang's expressions were more often anger than anything else. And not really anger at anyone other that Ozpin. She can not break herself from her original thoughts that he can not be trusted, regardless of his reasons.

I am especially worried about her thoughts on her mother now. Because she did not trust a word her mother said, but as it turns out not everything she had said was a lie. This, almost scarily often, had the ever present thought of "what else was she right about". Now I am worried that her mind will make that emotional leap of distrusting Ozpin so much that she believed everything her mother said. She still is angry and hateful for the abondment but now there is a valid reason for it. Her mother abandoned her for a reason, and that reason is currently locked away inside a lost farmer boy.

Im hoping Weiss or Ruby is able to get through to her. I wish it could be Blake, but with the previous abandonment and Yang's feelings about it I don't think she will really be willing to listen to what Blake has to say while her emotions are still high. Ruby has a very special connection to her and has the best luck of making her step back, but I think Weiss has the best chance of making her reflect. Speaking from experience it is kind of hard to take when you get a younger sibling's criticism for you choices. It's both a matter of pride and a matter of you, being the oldest, are supposed to be taking care of them and showing them the best way. I hope it will be Ruby who makes her take a step back, Weiss who makes her reflect, and Blake who listens and supports thus bridging the gap between them and restoring that trusting relationship Yang desperately needs.

I love Yang. I hope she looks in and works to help herself soon, before she does something she will regret.

#rwby thoughts #rwby #salem rwby #rwby jinn #ozpin #qrow branwen #raven branwen #Weiss Schnee #ruby rose #blake bellodona #yang xiao long #oscar #rwby volume 6 #so that's how it is

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rixxy8173571m3w1p3 · 6 years

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Out Of The Woods (3/?)

This multi chap fic has been one that I've wanted to write for a while. I'm hoping to connect a few loose ends, since my series is getting closer to the end. Don't worry, I still got a couple of fics left in me. I'd love to thank @xerxezra whose conversations with me are always inspirational. I'd also like to thank @dorkydisappointment whose writing got my creative juice flowing and @hoodoo12 who continues to inspire me all the time. Please check out the wonderful art done by @ravenousscorpian for two scenes out of the second chapter of this fic (Her art found here)

References to the woman in Ricks journal is from my fic What You Found Amongst The Pages. I know, that was shameless self promotion. There are a lot of questions that I wanted to answer in you'd chapter, but for the sake of editing had to put it in the next. I'll work on it right as soon as this is posted. Thanks for everyone's continued support. 😘😘😘😘😘😘

If you haven't read part 1 or part2, then heres a link (Read Chapter 1, Chapter 2)

In this fic the reader tries to uncover the mystery of the artist behind Zeta-7s portrait.

___________________________

Chapter 3: Dare Not Say That Man Forgets Sooner

Whatever redeeming qualities the room held in the previous happy hours were gone, and now even the remnant, lingering daydreams were falling away. With every hour you comprehended the severity of your assumptions and what the consequences were if you decided that enough was enough. Honestly, you didn't want to lose him because Zeta-7 was the light of your life; he expanded your universe and had helped you become a better person, but you could still carry on if you needed to. You had the means, your work, and an ever growing list of books to read, but was it enough, now that you had gotten a taste of the good life? Probably not.

Nothing made sense anymore.

Concerning the current situation, and all which led up to it; if you considered everything which included your existence, life till now, and all he had ever done, then there was no mistaking that he loved you; or had; at least thought he did, but it didn't change the truth of the matter; you hadn't been the first. A few hours had given you time to weep until you thought you had no tears left to cry, but there was still a thick fog over your thoughts and rationality; any shift of emotion being too much to bear. You curled into yourself, aching, hoping you'd disappear, but it didn't work; you were still here; stuck. Being at a disadvantage, not knowing how to get home and neither having a way to get there if you could was frustrating.

Who knows how long you'd been down here, despairing, wallowing in memories and dust, but you were tired, thirsty, and knew that if you didn't move he'd have trouble finding you, and yet you didn't care; let him find you; let him work for it. Though, how would that make it any better? All it would do is succeed in upsetting him before you knew all the facts. You hated this. Father always said hate was a strong word that shouldn't be taken for granted; you rarely had reason to feel as such, but the more you gleaned from those photos and the more proof you found of her presence about the place made you feel hateful and bitter.

Thinking of her smiling at him, receiving every bit of his loving-kindness and inviting demeanor animated by unaffected good-will; his general countenance and becoming familiar with a fresher-faced creature of your dreams; holding him; touching him; loving him. Oh God no, you thought, groaning into a handmade pillow. What was worse was that you couldn't dissuade the thought of her mysterious silhouette sneaking up behind you, plunging a knife into your already fragile identity, and taking back what was hers. Your doubt feeding these ugly horrors which were hybrids of nightmares and daydreams.

Though during a brief moment of clarity, you had come to a conclusion which hardly alleviated these feelings, but we're true; it wasn't your fault. Yes, it had been your choice to accept him and be in a proper relationship with someone with an ambiguous past, and yes you did snoop around a little, but you didn't know how much he'd been hiding or searching for someone like her and had settled on silly, stupid you. Yet, no matter how much you thought about it, why chase a vision of the past and put so much effort in the present? There must've been more to this; there had to be.

Manifested, unstinted kindness and consideration and love in his form didn't happen out of the blue, it was nurtured and conditioned. Had it been her influence which made you knew? Who knows, but you had been fortunate to have had an opportunity to associate let alone form a romantic attachment, but that would soon pass away once you confronted him. Right? After a little while longer, when your heart was finally beginning to slow and thought you'd be able to catch your breath, you heard him walking about upstairs; calling and knocking.

Rick was home and you turned over on the couch and covered your ears so you wouldn't hear him; you weren't ready to deal with this; you didn't want to deal with this. In your heart of hearts, you wanted to go home, to the past, back to when there were no problems and it was just you, dad, and your dreams. If only he was still around so that he could tell you that everything was alright and it was all just a bad dream and that he could fix it, but you couldn't; only in a dream, you could. Dad always knew what was best, but you were old enough to decide for yourself now.

Did this mean you wish you never knew Rick? No, but you wished that you would've never known about all this; about her; that you could've lived in ignorance. Oh, the sweet, sweet bliss of ignorance, how wonderful it had been while it lasted. Even when his warm laughter echoed down the stairway, having found you, ready, eager and excitable to be near you, you didn't answer. You knew you weren't in the state of mind to say anything nice, that despite it all he wasn't a bad person. Yet, the moment that hand of his touched your shoulder, you hissed. “Don't touch me.”

He gasped, stunned by this uncharacteristic aggression. Maybe you weren't the nice girl he thought you were after all; especially if the rustling of his clothes alone made you angry enough to dig your nails into the couch cushions. Zeta-7 waited for a few moments, ruminating on what would be the best course of action before he knelt down to be at your level and wondered. “What's wrong? Are y-y-you hurt? Is th-there anything I can do?”

Swallowing back a sob, you silently counted to ten then answered in a listless tone. “I don't know if you can. You've… you've been hiding stuff from me.”

“Huh, I-I have? What have I…”

“Don't try to deny it.”

Pushing yourself up, you rubbed your swollen eyes and chanced a look at him; your sight fuzzy as tears threatened to fall but thankfully didn't. The alarm in his widened eyes at the state of your runny nose, and tear-stained cheeks made him instinctively reach out to wipe your tears away, but you pushed that familiar, loving hand away. “M-mi corazón?”

Instead of answering as you usually would, you pulled out the well-loved copy of Persuasion from behind a pillow, took a deep breath and dropped it on his lap. “I found it while I was looking for something to read.”

“Oh geez.”

“And can you believe I found more than I bargained for.”

You two sat in silence for what felt like hours as he stared at it, and when he gathered the courage to look inside, the lines about his brow and mouth deepened; another sign that it was true. When he finally interrupted the silence, he confessed regretfully. “I-I was going to tell you.”

“But you didn't. There's a lot of things that I understand are none of my business, but this….I think is a good time to know. If you care about me at all, then read what you wrote.”

“But it's - it's not what you think.”

“Then there's nothing be afraid of. Go on then, read it.”

Visibly swallowing, his shaky hands held it open and he stuttered. “I-I-I thought of you today as I left th-the milky way, on my way t-to a classified location. I-I wish you were here so I could show you the beauty that exists across the universe, but knowing our limitations I can only send you this wonderful novel that I found when I was exploring a-a bookstore located on one of Saturn's moons. I-I know it can be hard to believe that Miss Jane Austen's works can reach the furthest depths of-of space, but that can be blamed on a certain Gallifreyan and his little blue box. I can't wait to hear what y-y-you think of it. Till next time my dear. With love, from Rick.”

“Don't forget the photos.”

Setting down the book, he glanced at the discarded photos, sagging a little after each one, gauging your reaction after he finished studying them. Rick was a smart man, he knew well enough that he messed up and how compromising those photos were. “It's not - I was only writing as ugh - as a friend.” He began, wringing his hands as he went on. “Y-y-y-y-you know I don't have that many.”

Which was true. “Really? So what did she do for you? Was she special?”

“She - she made me a little less lonely. That in itself was something I w-was grateful for.”

Your nails bit into your palms and that ever familiar ache bloomed across your chest; his answer birthing more questions than you were willing to ask. He offered you a Werther's original to placate you which you accepted; it's wrapper similar to the one in the painting. As ever he waited for you to answer, and the longer he waited, the more he sagged; his eyes pleading, hoping, wishing that he could know whatever hurt clouded your heart and wanted to fix it. “I want to believe you, I really do,” you admitted, which made him hopeful, though only for you to crush it with this. “but I'm tired of walking on eggshells. Tell me, what did you want from me when you had someone like her? Seems as though she was a good match for you. She was a creative who could paint, loved flowers, and butterflies among other things I imagine.”

“Sh-she did.”

You bit the inside of your cheek in an attempt to hold back the surge of feelings which were a result of his sincerity. Damn it. You could do this……possibly. “See?” you said cooly, focusing your gaze on your naked feet. “I knew she was special considering you sent her a book that had belonged to the Doctor. She also knew about your travels, which meant you trusted her and you hardly trust anyone. The point I'm getting at is that I want to know what I am to you. So, am I a knockoff or a rebound? Because we both know there's nothing like the real thing.”

“N-n-no, not at all. You mean th-the world to me and I-I love you. I have only loved you. ”

“But she loved you, didn't she? And you loved her. I can't ignore that. If she's anything like me, then what are we doing together Ricardo? Why aren't you with her? I…. I thought we understood each other but then I found proof that I was only second best. I can't do it, I can't compete with a shadow, and I'm not going to try. I don't have it in me.”

“I-I-I-I never expected you to. Por favor mi amor de m-mi vida, if you'll let me explain, I'll tell you whatever you want. I - I don't want to lose you. Please, honest t-t-to God, I don't. I can't.”

“Hmm, I didn't know you were a praying man.”

“When you're about t-t-to lose your universe, I don't think there are th-that many options. I can't - oh please I can't lose you. Not again.”

You felt your resolve breaking. You wanted to fall into his arms and melt into the comfort of them; for you both to comfort each other and let it all go because it probably was just a big misunderstanding; him being the best thing that ever happened to you, but not yet. Maybe he was a praying man after all, and if God was merciful, then why wouldn't you be? Rick certainly would. For Zeta-7, you could be. He'd definitely given you enough chances.

“Fine.” you decided, helping him up as you stood, but through this brief touch he almost misunderstood, thinking that the worst was over and gave your hand a squeeze; his warm smile weakening your resolve even further. Maybe Ricks were masters at mind games after all. And you knew it wouldn't take much for him to make you forget how unhappy you were, and like magic, show you something wonderful and dazzling, but you didn't want to be charmed; you wanted the truth. You bit the flesh inside of your cheeks hard enough for you to bleed, and despite relishing the warmth which permeated your chilled hands, you let go. “I'm……I'm not over it yet.”

TBC

#doofus rick #doofus rick x reader #rick sanchez x reader #rick sanchez #rick and morty #rick and morty fanfiction #j19z7 #rick j19z7 #j19ζ7 #rick j19zeta7 #j19zeta7 #j-19-zeta-7 #rick j-19-zeta-7 #rnm fanfic #rnm #my writing #my works

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bravagente · 6 years

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hello dear mod, thank you for everything you do. i have a question i apologise if it's heavier than the tone on this blog. recently a popular italian blogger said that race in italy is racist&was a product of il ventennio. i am french&i understand that we in europe don't like to say the word 'race', but i just want to understand how the construct of racism in italy, especially with all the far right/macerata from an italian persepective. I did read amara lakhous. thanks for everything you do!

Hi! Sorry for the late answer, it’s just such a complex matter to talk about and I’m not entirely sure I have the right perspective to handle it properly both as a white woman and as someone who lives in a city where that’s still relatively not diverse. Plus I study languages so I’m not really in the area - I basically really wanted to do right by this and I hope I will.

Disclaimer: it is true that in Italy the very concept of race, at least the way we know and use it in English is racist and a product of the ventennio. Whichever its etimology and original denotation, the word race (razza) has been very clearly connotated since Fascism: if you say men have razze, you’re implying some men have a pure, superior razza and some don’t. Nowadays in Italian dogs and horses have razze, not people. So, usually, if someone uses ‘race’ in italian as opposed to, say, ethnicity (etnia, colore), you’ll be quite sure they’re racist. It’s not that just because people don’t use the word they can’t be racist, but it does say something about how hard it is for us to cope with the American concept of race and the discourse that follows. The paradox is Americans are rightly very sensitive and careful about what they call race, when from our pov they’re just seeing it all from an inherently racist perspective: there are whites and then there are “people of colour”, all of them. Basically, a white race and then all those other races. Again, all of them. We can’t quite wrap our head around it, especially since we don’t really have a concept of, say, “brown” people. Come over in August, we’ll all be brown. We like a tan. It’s just beyond us.

Moving on to racism. It is possibly the most divisive thing in Italy right now and any conversation about it will escalate quickly because a) no one ever admits to being racist b) not everyone necessarily knows they are, if they are. Like everywhere else, it’s not always glaring. It’s not always a “racist slurs” kind of thing. There are subtle forms of it even here and not just in the alt right: I believe many liberals are actually as racist as one gets, they just don’t show because they never deal with people of colour in the first place. I once interviewed an otherwise pretty decent man who told me immigrants today don’t actually come here willing to work and therefore should be sent back home, another one praised a city he visited because he saw no blacks selling stuff there. I think it speaks volumes on how complex this thing is getting: you can deal with assholes who are 100% assholes. You can ignore them and decide they’re not worth your time and energy. But when they’re half-decent it’s just disheartening and makes you wonder where we’re going. Another reason conversations about racism often won’t end well is they slip into politics and fascism is far from over. Even though more-or-less openly fascist parties didn’t do well at the latest elections, the winners (League and the Five Stars) are firmly anti-immigration, making it about law and order as any Trump of the world would.

Having said this, race as we discussed it might be rooted in Fascism, but is the same true for racism? It is and it isn’t. There’s evidence that sub-saharian Africans were of always discriminated against. We had our own slave markets we don’t learn much of in schools, and while it’d buy and sell people of any race black Africans were definitely amongst them. There’s recently been a lot of discourse about how (in)accurate Still Star-Crossed was, with someone arguing that Alessandro de’ Medici was just an example of a class of black nobles. I’m afraid that’s not true. If I’m referencing to this particular period of time it’s because Renaissance is a personal interest of mine: The Ugly Renaissance will offer information about racism against dark-skinned Africans in 15th-16th century Italy. While light skinned Africans were considered as white as any European, sub-Saharans were thought to be strong and valuable workers, but also “uncivilized simpletons who could never hope to occupy a position of parity with the white majority”. That was a long time ago, sure, but it was bound to remain embedded in people’s mindset. And it did in ways we’d think were behind us by now.

Now, subtle forms of racism aside, there are many racists of the in-your-face, insulting type, more and worse than I ever thought possible growing up. They’ve actually probably always been there, it’s just now they have the Internet so they feel somehow validated and it’s made them unashamed to be openly hateful and ignorant with the support of the right.

However I have to stress that there many, many many more, non-racists. When fascists parade in our streets, anti fascist marches will follow. There’s always a firm reaction, it’s just decency doesn’t make any noise and rarely makes it to the headlines. Anyway I’ll give a few pieces of news encapsulating the two souls of Italy:

Refugee drowns in Venice as people film on their phones and do nothing

Teenager saves black child from getting hit by a train in Milan

Mein Kumpf-owning man shoots black immigrants on sight

Italians protest against racism

Refugee killed in Fermo after defending his wife from slurs

1500 in march to commemorate him

Black man shot to death in Florence

Italians join black people in march to commemorate him

So there’s the bright side I guess, we are genuinely engaged and young people who actually read books know we’re a country with very diverse genes, owing much of our language and culture and even food to “others”. This matters deeply to me because I think othering is the root of most, if not all, issues in our societies. This is a cultural problem first and foremost and I actually believe that. We often speak of inclusiveness or tolerance, but these are all patronizing concepts to me. Who the hell do I think I am to include or “tolerate” someone? No, I have to know in my heart of hearts that “others” aren’t to fear.

Anyway, racism is definitely an issue that exists and that’s getting worse. I’ve personally come to conclude racist behaviours in Italy are caused and fueled by three broader factors that often inform one another.

Ideology is the most glaring: most racists are unapologetic fascists and racism is mounting and growing together with a wave of nostalgia for Mussolini’s party. A lot of fascists obviously never lived under the Duce in the first place, but they have a misguided perception of the ventennio as a time of justice and order where trains would run in time and so on. Something you’ll hear from time to time is that the duce “ha fatto anche cose buone” (also did good things). To these people, the presence of black people or muslims goes hand-in-hand with crimes and chaos: they’ll rape women! They steal and murder! They’re drug dealers! The fact that these things are sometimes true because eventually a rapist or killer or drug dealer will statistically have to be black is irrelevant: if caught off guard they’ll admit to believing every racist stereotype out there.

Xenophobia is more nuanced. The reason I don’t necessarily associate xenophobia with racism is that, until just a few years ago, the most feared foreigners in Italy were the very white Romanians and even Albanians before them. The media are also to blame for the way headlines were worded and they still tend to, often unwillingly, magnify the one crime someone black commits as opposed to those commited by Italians. The Macerata episode was most probably “inspired” by the killing of a young girl cut into pieces by at least one Nigerian immigrant. What do you now, since the news spread every Nigerian person has become a public enemy. Another huge media-related problem is they’ve created an unjustified alarm on the refugee emergency, treating it as if more people than in the past were arriving in our country (they weren’t) and as if the situation was completely out of control (it isn’t, although it’s not easy either). Crime is just one thing, though: people are afraid because our times are scary and dangerous, there are no jobs and the welfare is dying. They are hoping the government will help them and fearing that we’re too many for it to be sustainable. There’s a common misconception for which every immigrant in Italy is being hosted in a hotel and given 30 euros per day while unemployed Italians don’t have any money to buy food: while you can argue that the immigrant will only get 3 of those 30 euros, Italians still live this as if those resources are being spent on foreigners as opposed to themselves because scapegoating is a human, if wrong, thing. Clearly this is turning into a war of the underprivilegeds that will only result in diffidence and hatred, and the staggering misinformation about black people being all but enslaved in some areas of out country isn’t helping.

Conservativism, finally, is a branch of ideology but it’s not necessarily related to actual racism (though it can be). There are some who are entirely cool with people of other ethnicities as long as they “don’t bother” them. They’re too culturally lazy to accept anything different than what they knew as children, they fear Christmas will be cancelled and they don’t want, say, mosques, because they hardly know what they even are. They’re usually the same people who are annoyed by vegans: probably harmless, but they certainly don’t help.

Again I hope this helps. I really tried to be clear and truthful and not offend anybody.

#italy tag #this took me like two months #ask #anon

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tigerlover16-uk · 6 years

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What's your take on Jiren's backstory? I don't get the hate, but I also just find it average. This fanbase has a massive tendency of judging before anything happens, too. It's entirely possible for Jiren to get more characterization coming up. This is his and Goku's fight, not just Goku's fight alone.

Well...

I… like the idea of it, but I wish we’d seen more. I agree that it’s cliché, but I don’t really think that’s the problem. Clichés aren’t bad, it’s just how they’re used, and a lot of things become clichés specifically because they work. And when you’re dealing with characters that are half way between being super sentai parody’s, and sentai inspired heroes played straight, of course you’re going to get some cliché elements and backstories. I don’t really know what people were expecting Jiren’s backstory to be, honestly?

The backstory certainly explains a lot about Jiren actions, and adds some depth to him, which he DESPERATELY needed after being a blank slate for too long.

I hear a lot of people dismissing it with “Well Vegeta and Goku had it worse! The entire saiyan race got wiped out”. Which, I don’t think is entirely fair. Because one, neither characters were really traumatised by that. Goku never knew about the saiyans until he was older, and he just assumed his whole family must have been vicious pirates like Raditz, so Planet Vegeta’s destruction was hardly a tragedy for him (Moreso for his parents). And Vegeta outright admitted he didn’t care about his father or his people’s deaths that much, he just hated being a subject to Frieza when he thought he deserved to be top dog. Despite what anime filler, dub edits and Vegeta’s fanboy’s would have you believe, Vegeta was treated fairly well as a prestigious fighter of the Frieza force.

His backstory isn’t the thing that makes Vegeta a sympathetic or tragic character, that came with his character development and stuff that happened to him as the story went along. Heck, even when the Bardock special decided to show Vegeta getting word of Planet Vegeta’s destruction, he had an almost non-reaction to it (And yes that’s not the manga so not canon, but it’s the only media to ever show him getting the news of his planets destruction… besides some contradictory filler, I think). So, neither character was actually effected by the tragedy in their pasts like Jiren was to his, so they’re not exactly equivalent.

Secondly, so what if more people died in Vegeta and Goku’s backstory, and if other characters in the series supposedly had it worse. You don’t go around telling people who lost family in 9/11 to suck it up and move on because there have been worse tragedies throughout human history, which some people are still dealing with the fallout of. So I don’t think it’s entirely fair to write Jiren’s trauma and experiences off like that.

Heck, I don’t even know how much this reveal was intended to elicit sympathy for the character, it feels more like it’s just an explanation for why Jiren is the way he is, and possibly give a justification of why he didn’t just go around eliminating everyone from the start. But I think this explains that theory better than I could:

https://duhragonball.tumblr.com/post/170764786192/dbs-episode-127

The issue I do have with the backstory though… it kinda feels a tad, too little too late. I mean, I don’t think a lot of people will really argue with me that Jiren’s kind of a flat character personality wise. He’s got an okay design, but mostly he just stands around scowling and having small moments to show off his power. The build up to him and Goku’s first fight was great, and it was an epic showdown where Jiren was an intimidating threat. I actually did find him okay even if he didn’t have much character to him at that point…

But since then we’ve gotten so little insight into his character over a prolonged period of time, with a lot of what we have gotten making him come off as real jerkish. All the while, we’ve gotten to enjoy seeing a lot of more lively and fun characters battling it out with our heroes (And Frieza), that Jiren just doesn’t stand out very much by comparison.

Heck, TOPPO felt like he had so much more going for him and with more substantial, though still mostly subtle, build up to his big moment, to the point that he feels like he should have been the final boss of this tournament instead.

Toppo was amusing, sympathetic, and his more jerkish moments towards the U7 character felt at least understandable when you remember he’s under the impression that Goku, and thus likely his friends by association, is evil and he’s under a ton of stress from this tournament. As awesome as his ascension to God of Destruction levels was, there was also a sense of tragedy to it as we saw him pass the despair event horizon and abandon his ideals to get there. There was a lot more substance to Toppo’s arc.

By comparison, all we knew about Jiren until the latest episode was that he’s ridiculously strong, he can’t be that bad a guy because he is a superhero, he doesn’t talk a lot and likes to fight, and that he wanted the super dragon balls for some reason. He was sold on power and presence, and that was fine at first, but after all this time with so little being done with his character other than toying with Vegeta and Goku to ensure the final fights don’t end too quickly, and his personality still being so flat… the guy just comes off as boring.

I’m glad we do have a backstory now, because at least there’s SOMETHING to his character now. And I’ll admit, I did get the feeling that I wanted to see his story more in depth and see where it might go from here… but, the whole flashback was just way too brief.

I really think they should have spent more of the episode recounting the events of that backstory, if not doing a whole episode flashback with dialogue included. Show us what Jiren’s life was like before his village was massacred. Give us a little bit of his parents personalities and what Jiren’s home life was like. Show us some of the villagers, give faces to the people who were slaughtered. And then give Jiren’s master some actual character and show us more of his training and companions.

I’m not saying the writers needed to do a whole arc about it, but even just a few additions and some dialogue between Jiren and characters shown, and more insight into kid Jiren’s mindset over the course of those events, would have gone SUCH a long way to fleshing him out more and really selling the backstory.

The backstory isn’t bad. It’s just that it took us so long to get here, and it was so underplayed, that it feels almost throw away at this point. Like, I hope you’re right and we do get to see Jiren’s character fleshed out and developed some more in the next few episodes, but with so few episodes left I really don’t feel like they could do that much with his character now.

I think a lot of this could be improved upon if we got a History of Trunks style special dedicated to fleshing out Jiren’s life story, but as it currently stands it feels like there was just a lot of wasted potential with Jiren’s character.

I think that’s why a lot of people are so frustrated by it. Between all the interesting, quirky and better designed characters we’ve gotten in this saga, Jiren as the final boss of the tournament, and with Super as a whole now since it’s ending and we don’t know when we’re getting a sequel, just kind of feels like a let down.

If we’d gotten this backstory a bit earlier, and he had a bit more to his personality (And the fight so far executed a bit better), then his character might have turned out better. But, right now I’m just not invested with him outside of seeing how well animated and spectacular the final fight with him and Goku might turn out to be, and feeling wistful that Toppo went out so quickly.

#dragon ball super #jiren #dbs

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