#I feel like this whole situation would bring up all of Steve’s old insecurities

[morganbritton132]

What happened with the death threats? is Steve okay? in your tags you said you were gonna put someone confronting Steve, even if that didn't happen, is he ever paranoid? Ive been thinking about this all day hsbeudnbeid i have so many questions lmao

Steve kinda just stops.

He doesn’t even realize it until the morning after Eddie confronted him about the letters, but he just stopped doing things after he got the first letter a couple of months ago. He stopped going grocery shopping. He stopped getting coffee. He stopped going on his nightly runs. He’s missed the last three of his and Max’s bi-weekly trivia night with their friends from physical therapy.

He can’t even remember the last time he hung out with Robin that wasn’t at his house.

It’s a little ironic that the only places he ever is these days are at work or home, the two places he’s received letters at. He just stopped doing anything and he didn’t even notice.

He only realizes it because Eddie asks if he wants to get breakfast before they talk, and Steve can’t bring himself to step outside. He feels like he’s seventeen again, all alone in a big empty house and trying to convince himself that there isn’t a dead girl in his pool.

“I can make breakfast.”

“We don’t have anything to make for breakfast,” Eddie says.

Steve ran his fingers through his hair, yanking them through the tangles at the ends because he doesn’t even understand where the anxiety in his chest is coming from. He’s been outside. He goes outside to go to work five days a week, so – so he shrugs his shoulders, “Uh…why don’t you go and I’ll – I’ll do, uh, something around here.”

Eddie squints at him and taps a beat against his collarbone before asking bluntly, “Do you not want to be around me?”

“What?”

“Why are you acting like this? I know you’re mad that I found your letters but you’re the one that lied to me, Steve. I think – I think it’s pretty rich that you’re trying to make me feel like shit because I care about you.”

“I’m not doing that,” Steve said, eyes shifting to Eddie and then away. Eddie only makes eye contact if he’s angry and – yeah, Steve probably gave him plenty to be angry about. “I want to be with you.”

“Then act like it. Let’s go.”

“I can’t.”

“…Why not?”

“I don’t know,” Steve whispered, and it makes him feel worse that Eddie just deflates. The frustration subsides and he looks away, and Steve doesn’t want that. He wants Eddie to be mad at him. He wants Eddie to blame this all on Steve and tell him what it is that people hate so much about him so he can change. He wants – “My head is so fucked right now, and I don’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Eddie perks up at that, “Are you going to-“

“No. I – I feel… I can’t leave,” Steve tries to explain. “I feel like I can’t leave. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Yes, it does. It makes complete sense, Steve. Someone is threatening you and you’ve been dealing with it alone for months. It’s okay to be scared.”

“I don’t want to be scared.”

Eddie nods and then he sits down on the floor in their foyer. He makes grabby hands at Steve until Steve sits down with him, and then he holds his hand. Eddie asks, “What do you want, Stevie?”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

Eddie gives him a kind smile – the smile that makes Steve fall in love over and over again – and he squeeze’s Steve hand before whispering like their sharing the most precious secret, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

[abstractnaturaldisaster]

Steddie Flower Shop / Tattoo Parlor AU

Thanks everyone for the continued warm reactions! I love hearing what you guys are thinking so feel free to reach out!

Part One I Part Two I Part Three I Part Four I Part Five I Also on AO3!

The first month celebration seemed to open the floodgates on Team Tattoos and Team Flowers (as Robin affectionately named their now fairly active group chat) seeing each other outside of work. It wasn’t always all four of them but Steve would start bringing over lunch to eat with Eddie when he picked up his order or Robin would stop by with coffees after doing a run. Chrissy would go over to the tattoo parlor when she needed a break from heavy metal while doing bank reconciliations. 

Steve was in the studio alone on a no client day to get some sketching done and other small things around the shop. Robin had elected to avoid the winter weather and stay at their apartment. 

“Hello! I come bearing lunch!” Eddie called out as he swung open the door. 

After his first formal visit to the tattoo parlor, Eddie had gotten more comfortable waltzing in when the shop was slow. Steve was happy to see Eddie more as he slowly wore down the stubborn metalhead. Robin had started dropping some pretty heavy hints that Steve should just go for it and ask Eddie out but Steve wasn’t quite sure he was ready. As much as Steve was learning Eddie was different, he reminded Steve of the counterculture guys at some of his old studios. Steve couldn’t quite shake his insecurity that Eddie still thought he didn’t have any business running a tattoo parlor. Of course this didn’t stop Steve from becoming more and more obsessed with the man as they became something approximating friends. They even started giving each other small tokens. Eddie would find some cool rock or a weird stamp or something equally random and leave them on the reception desk when he stopped by to rap his knuckles on the desk and tell Steve whatever important fact he’d learned that he “couldn’t possibly just share via text, Steve, the delivery is half of the point.” Steve would always laugh, shake his head, and get back to whatever he was working on before Eddie burst through the door.

After Steve had amassed quite a collection of Eddie’s found treasures, Steve felt like he needed to reciprocate. Eddie had told Steve about his collection of heavy metal tapes for the De Lucas’ van so the next time Robin dragged Steve to a thrift store he scoured the tape offerings for something that he could give Eddie. After sifting through the options for so long that even Robin had gotten bored of shopping, Steve decided on Voices from Hall & Oates. It was just cheesy enough he could play it off as a joke if Eddie made fun of it but it also had some absolute classics Steve loved. And if they happened to be love songs, well, the 80s were a love song filled decade, it couldn’t be helped.

“Munson! Welcome!” Steve called as he walked out of the back office. “Whatcha got for me?”

Eddie situated himself on the couch that he continued to insist he hated and Steve sat in one of the nearby armchairs and started setting out food. 

“Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup, Steve-o!” Eddie said as he stooped into a low bow and spread out his arms to show off the offerings on the coffee table.

“This is so good, holy shit,” Steve said as he started wolfing down the sandwich. He should probably work on his table manners but hopefully Eddie didn’t mind. “Where’d you get this, dude?”

“Oh, uh, I made it,” Eddie looked a little embarrassed to admit it.

“Seriously, dude? Unfair,” Steve said.

“Unfair, why?” Eddie asked.

“Well you have the whole flower thing and you’re good at cooking? That’s like a whole first date package, man,” Steve’s mouth moved quicker than his brain could tell him to shut up and run into the nearest snow bank. “Not that, that’s, I mean–”

“Thanks, I think?” Eddie cut Steve off. “I owed you one.”

“Oh wait! That reminds me, stay here.” Steve ran off to the back room to pick up the cassette tape. “I got you this, if you ever feel like diversifying the van’s musical options.”

“You got me a tape?” Eddie looked skeptical. Steve couldn’t figure out if that was a good thing or not.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s not a big deal, but it’s Hall & Oates. I play them a lot at the shop. They’re kind of chill and I figured maybe if you ever wanted a change of pace, or whatever.”

“Steve, I know who Hall & Oates are.”

“And you hate them. Listen, it was a silly idea,” Steve said as he went to grab the tape back from Eddie.

“Nope, you already gave it to me, no take backs!” Eddie said as he jolted upright and nearly sprinted across the street. Steve was left a little aghast as he went back to the tomato soup Eddie had apparently made him. This was getting out of hand.

The next day Steve got to his studio and saw a square package waiting on the stoop.

Payback, Harrington. – EM

Steve opened the package to find a Led Zeppelin record. He knew he’d heard the name before but other than that he didn’t recognize it. It had a picture with what looked like an explosion and some historical photo.

“What’s that, Steve?” Robin asked as she walked in.

“Oh I guess Eddie left it?” Steve said and flipped the album around to show Robin.

“Ooooo, Eddie, huh?” Robin teased and wiggled her eyebrows. “Oh, get the Led out. Rad.”

“What?” Steve had no idea what Robin said.

“Get the Led out? Led Zeppellin? The band whose record you’re holding?” 

“None of that means anything to me, Robin.”

“You’re such a square, Harrington.”

Steve elbowed Robin but went to put the record on. “I guess it’s good to have some emergency rock?” Steve joked. He wasn’t sure what he thought about the band as the record started spinning.

“You’re ridiculous. You’ll have to set it off to the side so someone doesn’t put it on while you’re in the middle of a tattoo and scare you out of your trance,” Robin said. 

She told Steve that sometimes he seemed so fully wrapped up in his work that she would get nervous that he’d spook at any sudden or unexpected noise. He knew she was fully kidding but Steve decided it would be a funny gag to get a frame to put the record in. He used some of the window paints Robin had got for the studio windows to scribble “Warning! Don’t let the Led out!” Robin thought it was the corniest thing she’d ever seen. That didn’t matter once Eddie saw it and laughed for a full thirty seconds.

Eddie started coming to visit Steve when De Lucas’ closed up and Chrissy left for the day. Steve noticed Eddie picked days where Steve didn’t have afternoon clients and was mostly just sketching and doing shop maintenance stuff. Sometimes Eddie would bring Steve coffee or a snack and other times Eddie would just bring over a book and read on the couch while Steve worked. Steve started joining him on the couch and Eddie would read out loud while Steve sketched. Those were Steve’s favorite days.

“Great engines crawled across the field; and in the midst was a huge ram, great as a forest-tree a hundred feet in length, swinging on mighty chains. Long had it been forging in the dark smithies of Mordor, and its hideous head, founded of black steel,” Eddie was reading while Steve was snuggled into the other arm of the couch working on his iPad.

“Oh! Mordor! I know this–it’s in that song from that band’s record you gave me!” Steve interrupted.

“Holy shit, you actually listened to it before you put the album in jail?” Eddie 

“Of course, dude! Sorry I’m not much of a reader, what book is this?” Steve answered.

“It’s Lord of the Rings, it’s a pretty classic fantasy book,” Eddie looked over at Steve. “There’s actually a decent movie adaptation if you ever want to have movie night.”

“Oh, yeah, I think Robin likes that movie, it has elves, right?” 

“Yes, Steve, there are elves,” Eddie laughed.

“Sounds fun!” Steve stretched out and kicked Eddie’s thigh accidentally. Eddie reached over and pulled Steve’s feet onto his lap, placed his book back on Steve’s shins. Eddie snuggled back into the couch and Steve stifled a laugh. “I don’t think you’re allowed to make fun of this couch anymore, dude.”

“It’s still obnoxious even if it also happens to be unfairly comfortable. Do you want me to keep reading or do you want me to stop so I don’t spoil it? I honestly kind of thought you weren’t paying attention,” Eddie said.

“Keep reading. I’m enjoying it.”

“Alright Stevie,” Eddie responded. “founded of black steel, was shaped in the likeness of a ravening wolf; on it spells of ruin lay.” Steve listened to the familiar timbre of Eddie’s voice and settled back into his work.

“Hey, Eds,” Steve started as he finished up his work. “Have you ever thought about getting, like, an actual tattoo?”

“What do you mean?” Eddie shut his book and pushed Steve’s legs off his lap.

“You know like the kind of stuff I work on? Hang on, I don’t think I’m explaining this very well. Let me show you.” Steve could tell something was off. He knew his work wasn’t Eddie’s style but he kind of couldn’t stop thinking about tattooing Eddie. Steve thought Eddie was absolutely breathtaking and he wanted to give him something equally pretty. Steve hadn’t realized it at the time but he was absolutely thinking of Eddie everytime he sketched one of the bouquets he brought over. He flipped through his iPad and found the drawing he was working on of the bouquet Eddie had made for their one month anniversary. “Something like this? Maybe? I dunno.”

“What is this?”

“It’s just a sketch I did of one of the bouquets I picked up? The one from the day we went to the Hideout?” Steve explained.

Eddie took a closer look at the sketch and Steve couldn’t read the expression on his face. “Oh shoot, is that the time? I gotta get back to my side of the street.” Eddie abruptly stood and walked out, leaving Steve to wrack his brain as to how he fucked it up this time.

Steve was confused. He didn’t know what he did to make Eddie leave. His face was hot and he felt tears well up in his eyes. He’d thought Eddie was different. That he was at least starting to understand Steve. He must have missed something. Obviously, Eddie, with all his metal tattoos, was absolutely not the kind of guy who was into floral tattoos and in fact maybe judged Steve for his style. It was probably stupid to offer to tattoo him. Steve never did that. Robin bugged him as soon as he started tattooing clients until he had to explain that he just couldn’t. He didn’t want to mess up and have someone he was actually close to hate something that was relatively permanent. He knew it was sort of a weird hang up for a tattoo artist but he couldn’t get past his mental block. That was until he met Eddie. Something about Eddie and his flowers had so captivated Steve.

Steve closed up his shop on autopilot. He put everything away for the night and locked up trying to put the metalhead across the street out of his mind. He kept his head down as he walked out to avoid seeing De Lucas’ and Eddie’s stupid van. He managed to mostly keep himself together on the L until he got home. Thankfully Robin wasn’t home yet so Steve pulled on his softest sweatshirt and rolled himself into a tight blanket cocoon and stared at the ceiling until he fell asleep.

***

Part 7 now available here!

Please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from the tag list! I’m sorry for the angst! I promise there’s a happy ending coming!

Also if you’re enjoying my writing I have a Warped Tour AU up on my AO3 if you’re interest! It’s available here.

Taglist: @a-little-unsteddie @maya-custodios-dionach @eboyawstenn @swimmingbirdrunningrock @sadcanadianwinter @thehumblefigtree @throwbackthrowaway @micheledawn1975 @blisschaoss @vecnuthy @grimmfitzz @spectrum-spectre @croatoan-like-its-hot @momotonescreaming @beckkthewreck @korixae @citrus-owl @baron-zemo-trash @sleepdeprivedflower @nuagedemots @lololol-1234 @books-and-current-obsessions @acrolius @mightbeasleep @vi-an-te @gregre369 @i-must-potato @vampireinthesun @steveisabicon @child-of-cthulhu

[sargeant-bxrnes]

1 step forward, 3 steps back.

warnings: rafe being… rafe. drug mention & consumption, cursing, toxic relationship, sexual situations/implications, mental health issues. ANGST.

[AN: this is the first thing i’ve written, ever, so my apologies if it’s not flawless ; also, english is not my first language, that’s a warning on its own]

my requests are open btw

click for my master list

word count: 4.4K

Called you on the phone today

Just to ask you how you were

All I did was speak normally

Somehow I still struck a nerve

“Hey,” you said in a soft tone as soon as Rafe picked up the phone, you were laying down on your bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Hey princess,” his tone was calm, but his voice was rough and raspy all together.

“How you doing?” you asked him, even though you’d seen him last night, up close.

“I’m doing great,” he replied in a surprisingly cheerful tone, which is weird this early in the morning. Rafe is not a morning person. “You sound tired.”

“I am tired,” you confirmed with a sigh. “Guess I have you to thank for that.”

“My pleasure.” he replied cockily, and even though you couldn’t see him, you could practically hear his proud smirk.

“So, what’s the plan today?” you asked in a casual tone, fidgeting with the edge of Rafe’s shirt, the one you wore to sleep.

“Uh, what do you mean?” he asked in a distracted tone, he sniffed subtly and coughed.

You knew what that meant, but still, you hoped it wasn’t what you deep down knew it was.

“Yeah, I mean—“ you said and made a brief pause. “Wanna go to the club? Maybe we can take a ride on the boat, you know, with food, alcohol... just us.”

“Can’t, I’m busy.” he said after a few seconds, if you didn’t know him better and his occasional mood swings, you would’ve said his tone was harsh.

"Really?" you asked in a soft tone, trying to disguise your disappointment with interest. "But I thought we were going out together today."

"Y/N, just because I'm your boyfriend it doesn't mean I have to be with you all the fucking time."

Okay, now he was definitely angry, you thought you said the right thing, but it still made him angry.

"Rafe-"

"No, Y/N. I have a life of my own, you know? Things to do besides you."

“That’s okay Rafe, I get it,” You said calmly, nodding your head softly. “Have fun today.”

Now you clearly heard the sound of him sniffing something and the sigh that left his lips after, and Barry’s voice in the background. “Don’t play the victim card on me, that’s not gonna work. I deserve to have some time off.”

“I didn’t,” you said softly. “And it’s okay baby, you’re right, you deserve to have some fun.”

“See? No need to be so fucking dramatic,” he said, his voice and words slurring. You? Dramatic? It was all him. “But don’t worry princess, I’ll drop by tonight and fuck the attitude out of you, yeah? That way I’m not just doing things with you, I’m doing you.”

And with such a vulgar comment and a harsh tone, Rafe hung up on you, leaving you completely dumbfounded and filled with incredulity.

What you did know for a fact, is that he would keep up his word. And judging by his tone of voice and how annoyed he was, you could already imagine the ache between your legs.

You got me fucked up in the head, boy

Never doubted myself so much

Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy?

I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

You knew exactly what you were getting into when you started hooking up with Rafe, and what you were committing to when you agreed to be his girlfriend.

You know that man carries more problems than he shows, he prefers to make himself appear as the Kook prince who lives a life of partying and money; hiding all the things that were going on in his head.

However, there were times when his attitude made you doubt yourself.

You couldn't help but think, ‘What if one day I don't manage to calm him down?’ ‘What if one day he realizes that there is someone prettier, or hotter, or wealthier out there?’

And Rafe would get angry if you doubted yourself. He would complain to you about it, saying you had no reason to be insecure about your looks; if you are absolutely gorgeous, or to feel insecure about your personality; if you were the most genuine person he'd ever met, and you could make him laugh until he forgot all his problems.

But what really made him furious was when you had doubts about the relationship itself, about whether or not he was capable of leaving you for someone else. He took those doubts personally, as if he wasn't trying hard enough to show you how much you mean to him.

When in reality; you were doubting yourself.

'Cause it's always one step forward

You were preparing dinner for you and Rafe, your family was out for the weekend, and Rafe had decided to spend it with you.

Your hair was tied up in a bun, your attire consisted of nothing but your underwear and a shirt that used to be Rafe's, but you took it so long ago that it's yours now.

Music from your shared playlist played in the background, as you danced absentmindedly with a spatula in hand, extremely calm and enjoying time with your boyfriend.

Rafe could do nothing but stare at you with admiration, you are literally the only good thing in his life; his little piece of heaven. You are everything to him.

As soon as Dark Red by Steve Lacy started playing, you let out an excited gasp. That song in particular is Rafe’s and yours, like… if you two had to choose a song to describe your relationship, it would be that one. It represented how you two did not always have good times, but your love prevailed.

Seeing you this happy, comfortable and at ease with him made Rafe's soul happy. All his life, he had done nothing else besides make people angry, disappointed, terrified. But with you, everything was different.

You were so focused on swaying your hips to the music and singing, that you didn't notice when Rafe stood up and walked over to where you were.

It wasn't until he stood behind you, chest to back and with his hands on your hips, that you realized he was closer. His head was bowed, you could feel his breathing close to your ear, so he was able to murmur in your ear the lyrics of the song:

“Only you, my girl, only you, babe,” he sang in your ear, his voice a soft whisper as he wrapped his arms around your body and started to sway with you. “Only you, darling, only you, babe.”

The gesture quickened your heart to unsuspected levels, you felt your knees weaken as you pressed closer to his body, appreciating his closeness as he pressed a kiss against your temple.

“You know I love you so much, right?” he mumbled in your ear, as you closed your eyes and relished his presence.

“I love you too, baby.”  you mumbled back, leaning your head against his chest, caressing one of his arms around your waist with your fingertips, and bringing your hand to his ash blond hair, stroking it softly.

and three steps back

“Why is he mad at you, again?” Topper asked you with a raised eyebrow, after witnessing Rafe utterly avoiding even looking at you when he walked into the room and then left without a word.

“Because I told Barry to not open the door if Rafe dropped by,” You replied with a shrug, closing your eyes and leaning back against the chair. “And when Rafe tried to lash out on him, Barry said it all had been ‘Mrs.Country Club’s’ request.”

“And he’s mad at you because you don’t want him to get all fucked up?” Topper questioned next, trying to understand the situation. But he never knew what the fuck you two were up to.

“Yes, but it’s Rafe, are you surprised?” you said with a heavy sigh.

“No, not really,” Topper admitted. “Honestly, I don’t know why you keep up with him, Y/N.”

“I ask myself that all the time…” you said with a deep sigh. “But I love him, so I guess that’s the answer.”

“And? I mean, I don’t want to be ‘that guy’ Y/N, but he’s…” Topper trailed off, apparently looking for the right word.

“I know exactly how he is, Topper, I don’t need you to remind me. I already think about that way too much.”

You and Topper had easily assumed that Rafe was no longer around, since he seemed to be making his best efforts to avoid you.

But Rafe was there, and he heard everything. He’d heard Topper giving you bad advice (or what he considered bad advice) And he heard you, having doubts about why you loved him or stood by him at all,and it made him want to lash out again.

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

No, I don't understand

[+18. Really]

“Leave me alone!” his voice boomed in the room, his brows furrowed and the veins in his neck were popping out.

“Rafe—“ you tried once again, approaching slowly in an attempt to place a hand on his shoulder, but he waved it away aggressively.

“Leave-me-alone,” he said, pausing in between each word to emphasize on how much he meant it. His eyes were bloodshot, his nose had specks of white dust, his lips were dry and his voice was coarse.

You weren’t entirely sure what you could say to get him to calm down. Or if there was anything at all you could do.

Normally, what upsets him the most is Ward. His own father. Rafe has spent his whole life trying to prove he's a good son, to make his father proud, and Ward never appreciates his efforts, only notices the bad, and ignores Rafe's clear calls for help, has since Rafe was 10 years old, so he certainly wasn't going to pay attention to him now that Rafe finally had a steady girlfriend, someone who had willingly decided to help.

95% of the time, you managed to talk to Rafe before he decided to resort to intoxication. Most of the time just seeing you helped him calm down, hearing your voice soothed him, and your lips, your skin, put him in a state of peace.

But the other 5% is when Rafe resorted to alcohol and, above all, drugs.

When Rafe is upset and decides to get high, he only manages to become unstable, erratic and yes, aggressive if not handled with care.

In those situations, the best thing you can do, putting yourself first, is to give him his space. Let him screw himself as much as he wants for that day, and help him deal with the consequences the next day, while you listen to him lament his attitude.

Rafe always said he would quit the vice; claiming you were all he needed to calm himself down, that you made him feel at peace. And above all, that you weren't slowly killing him; on the contrary, every minute he spent with you made him feel more alive.

However, for one reason or another, he always came back to it. Whether it was at a party, because Kelce suggested it, or, as is almost always the case, when he's upset with his father and needs quick relief.

And usually, this ‘quick relief’ ends up with Rafe fucked up, big time.

Once he was convinced that you wouldn't try to intervene again, Rafe went back to his business. He turned to the table, and since he already had the line ready, he simply leaned over and inhaled it, throwing his head back, running his hand through his hair and exhaling as he closed his eyes.

You exhaled heavily, shaking your head as you stared at your feet.  You knew he would struggle to quit, after all it is an addiction and he has to fight it, but sometimes you get the impression that Rafe doesn't want to quit, not really.

"Do you want to help me?" asked Rafe eventually, turning his head to look at you. You didn't know if it was a trick question or not, so you hesitated before answering. "Answer me."

"Yes, of course I want to, Rafe." you replied with your respective hesitations, wondering what he was up to.

"Come here then," he said, making a 'come hither’ sign with his fingers.

You took a hesitant step but stopped, your eyes narrowing as you analyzed Rafe, trying to determine his intentions.

He raised both eyebrows in your direction, in a silent question of whether or not you're going to go with him.

Eventually you walked over to where Rafe was, he smiled at you while biting his lip lightly. Without saying anything he approached you and kissed you; the drugs made his senses heighten, so the kiss was intense from the beginning.

So that's when it made sense to you what he wanted, he wanted you. Your most obvious thought is that he would use you to take out your frustration, put the drugs aside and, most likely, fuck you.

Your idea seemed to be the right one as soon as Rafe grabbed you by the waist, still with his lips on yours, left a little bite on your lip before pulling away; and without any problem, lifted you off the floor and placed you on the table.

It's something you wouldn't admit out loud,—mostly out of shame and guilt,—but this kind of sex with Rafe was the best, he's completely unrestrained, rough, full of stamina and teasing, and above all, possessive. And that, in combination with his attractiveness, always drove you crazy.

And honestly; if what he wanted was to fuck you to take out his frustration, you'd let him.

His kisses were hungry and his hands desperate, running all over your body without distinction, as if he didn't know where to start.

He parted his lips from yours, and left a kiss at the corner of them, on your jaw; and began to make a little trail of slow kisses down your neck. The feeling of his lips on your neck made you bite your lip as you wrapped your legs around his waist to feel him closer.

You slid your hand under his shirt, caressing his defined abs and the sides of his body gently with the tips of your fingers, as he left little bites on your neck. Your hands slowly moved up, intending to remove his shirt, but Rafe was quicker and brought his hands to the edge of your shirt, causing you to stop your movements to raise your arms, so he could remove your shirt with ease. And so he did.

He parted his lips from your neck and stared at you, the hunger in his eyes made you feel a fire in the pit of your stomach that only he could put out.

Desperately, your lips connected again as he settled between your legs. One of his hands traveled to your neck, and he wrapped his fingers around it, pressing lightly to the sides. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head; though he couldn't see it.

With just enough strength, Rafe used the grip he had on your neck to push you down onto the table, so that you were lying on top of it.

As soon as he leaned over the table, you could feel his breath over abdomen, so you bit your lip in anticipation for what was to come.

He began to leave slow, wet kisses on your abdomen, making a slow trail to the edge of your shorts. Your automatic reaction was to close your eyes and put a hand in his hair, stroking it gently.

What you didn’t know is that the fact that you closed your eyes had given Rafe an opportunity he couldn't miss. Without you noticing, he slid a hand to the side of the table, where the small bag of white powder was.

To conceal his actions, he unbuttoned your shorts, and returned his lips to the beginning of your abdomen for more time.

The little bite he left to distract your attention caused a gasp to escape your lips; and that sound almost caused him to change plans completely.

He did want to fuck you, don’t get him wrong. He even had a mental debate about whether to continue what he was doing or simply sink his head between your thighs and provoke more sounds like that.

But he wanted to try something first. He had always wanted to try it, but had never asked you, because he knew that you would most likely say no.

With ease, he slid your shorts down your legs; so that they stayed at your ankles or fell to the floor; he didn't care. One of his hands slid into your underwear with ease, his fingers going straight to where he knew you needed him the most.

Trusting that you would not open your eyes, carefully, he put the white substance on your body, so delicately you didn’t notice. He began to prepare to inhale, while biting his lip in reaction to the sinful sounds that left your lips.

And obviously, without warning, Rafe inhaled a line from your thigh.

And all your sounds stopped, your eyes opened and your expression was filled with surprise, the bad kind.

You couldn't believe what Rafe had just done, you felt like an idiot for falling into the trap.

You also had to bite your lip to keep from letting out a moan in reaction to what his fingers were doing in between your legs, but your pride forbade it.

But more than anything else, you were outraged.

“Rafe, you did not just—“

“It felt nice, yeah?” Rafe’s voice was hoarse, you could feel his breath over your skin, as he left little kisses around. “After all, I did feel you clench around my fingers.”

His dirty words, hoarse voice, and close proximity to your body, not to mention his fingers deep inside you, caused you to let out a soft moan, causing Rafe to smirk in what he thought was victory.

But you wouldn't let him win this little game.

Although you really didn't want to, you grabbed his hand by the wrist and pulled him away, your legs trembling slightly at the sudden lack of anything between them.

Rafe's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as soon as you pushed him away from you and got off the table, lifting your shorts off the floor and putting them back on without a word.

"What are you doing?"

You didn't answer, as you searched for  your shirt, feeling his heavy gaze on your body.

"Y/N, where do you think you're going?"

“I’m leaving you alone as you asked me to, remember?” you said in irony. “Before you sniffed a line off me after I begged you to quit that shit?”

“Oh, so now you’re playing the victim?” his voice rose. “Don't- Don’t act as if you wouldn’t have let me fuck you less than a minute ago!”

"Yes I would have let you, to distract you from that shit!" you admitted to him, failing to control your anger. "I said I wanted to help you, to distract you, to give you something different to do. Not that I'd give you another place to snort lines from!"

Rafe knew you were right, of course he did.

You had spent months after months trying to get him to quit, you had offered him countless hours of your days to give him something new to do, distractions, attention and love. And this is how he had decided to pay you back?

But Rafe was angry too, very. You had interrupted him, you were yelling at him; and you had left him so hard, that it would start to hurt unless he did something about it.

“Fine, then get the fuck out of here.” Rafe spat, his anger clearly getting the best of him.

Your eyes widened at that, you hadn't expected him to react like that.

Your best case scenario would be that your attitude would piss him off, yes, but that he would retaliate by getting you back to the table and showing you everything you were missing.

Instead, he simply took your word for it and told you to get out of the room.

“What?”

“You heard me, get out.”

“Rafe—“

“You uh, you have three options, yeah? You let me fuck you over that table and do whatever I want, you get out of here, or I’ll get you out of here.”

The first offer was tempting, it really was, but you wouldn’t allow him to talk to you like that. Before anything, came respect and dignity, and no matter how much you wanted him to fuck you silly, you were too angry and disappointed at him to let it slip.

Blinking repeatedly to chase away the tears from your eyes, you grabbed your phone from the other end of the table, your jacket from Rafe's bed, and walked out of there without another word as you heard him calling your name.

And maybe in some masochistic way

I kinda find it all exciting

Like, which lover will I get today?

Will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?

Your relationship with Rafe was unique.

Not because of the circumstances in which it was created. A one-night-stand that turned into something casual, that was formalized after a dinner.

If not for Rafe.

You loved him, no doubt about it. You would give anything to see him happy and at peace, at peace with himself and succeeding in his life.

Rafe would do anything for you, really, anything. No matter how risky, demanding or dangerous, he would do anything for you.

He would die and kill for you.

But that surely didn’t mean it was an easy relationship, hell no. In fact, the willingness both of you had to do anything for each other sometimes made things too complicated; for at times it seemed that not a single rational thought crossed your minds.

And yes, Rafe’s addiction was a big issue. Whenever he was too high, or going through withdrawals, he wasn’t the Rafe you knew or had grown to love, it was another side of him you wanted to help get rid off. And the process wasn’t easy.

While trying to get clean; there was no way to know how he’d behave. He could either get clingy and want you around at all times to calm himself down, or he’d be in a very bad mood all the time, constantly snapping at you and raising his voice.

So there were days where he’d walk you to the door of your house and leave you there with a tender kiss and a smile.

Or days when you’d get out of his truck without a word, with tears streaming down your cheeks while he kept yelling for probably the stupidest thing.

No, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

It's back and forth, goin' over everything I said

It's back and forth, did I do something wrong?

'It's back and forth, maybe this is all your fault

Rafe knew he wasn’t okay. After all, he had begged his father for help, begged for anything that would get those thoughts to stop, but his father hadn’t listened, had only told him to ‘man up.’

You knew he wasn’t okay. Which is why you wanted to help him, to offer the support no one else had bothered to give him before he met you.

Whether he wanted it or not, those thoughts were still there. Being with you made them easier to ignore, but it’s not like they vanished entirely. He still had some ideas that made his own skin crawl.

And sometimes, you’d say or do the wrong thing and trigger those thoughts. And things got bad again for him.

Rafe knew you wanted nothing but to help him get better and be the best version of himself, and he really wanted to give you that. To change and make an effort. Not only for himself but for you. He wanted to be a man worthy of your love.

But it was hard to be anywhere near decent when you two went out and a guy stared at you for longer than Rafe’s limits allowed, or when guys tried to hit on you, when his friends got a little bit too close for his comfort.

Whenever he got jealous, he turned into a walking, talking ticking bomb. Anything could, and would set him off.

It wasn’t your fault, not really, but most of the time you felt it was. You knew Rafe dealt with a lot of insecurities already, of not being a nice person, not being good enough and so many other things. And you hated being one of the factors that caused his insecurities to arise.

And I'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all I've ever had

It was a complicated relationship, and it would probably never stop being complicated because both of you are complex people, plus there are other factors that affect the relationship.

But that didn't mean either of you would stop fighting to keep it alive. Neither would let the other go.

Rafe utterly refused to ever let you go. He loved you as he had never loved anyone, as he never thought himself capable of loving with that twisted heart of his.

You are, without exception, the best thing in his life, the best thing that ever happened to him. And you being in his heart was slowly turning him into who he had wanted to be during all those years of loneliness.

And you would never let him go, because you loved him with all your heart, soul and nerve of your body. And because you know that no one will ever love you like him. With so much passion, intensity, honesty and purity.

Because every feeling Rafe expressed with you was true; he was himself with you. And you didn't want to let him go.

Even if the two of you went one step forward, and three steps back, that single step would be longer than any step life makes you take backwards.

[put-me-in-a-movie-mp3]

Hi!! I was wondering if I could request a Stranger Things matchup? If you don’t have time or simply don’t want to, that’s okay!! :) However, if you do decide to, that would be amazing 💕.

APPEARANCE: I’m 4’11 (which means I get many, many short jokes), a little rounder, with brown eyes and brown hair that’s a curly bob (the best way I can describe it is like a mix between Nancy’s hair in season 2 and Robin’s hair in season 3). From what I’ve heard from my friends, I’m mostly cute- cute appearance, cute style, cute vibes. I’m not sure how I feel about it, some days I like the idea of being cute and other days I feel more indifferent or not in the mood. My style is mostly casual (jeans and a t-shirt, or a flannel if I’m feeling spicy casual, or a sweater in winter), though there are quite a few days where I love wearing a nice outfit like a cute dress or a skirt.

PERSONALITY: I’m a bisexual INFP 20 year old cancer woman. I’m a pretty anxious person, especially around new people or new situations, which sucks because my anxiety makes me awkward, and my awkwardness makes me more anxious. It’s a whole cycle. However, if we’re close, I go from 0-100, a complete 180. Awkward? Me? Never! I’ve never been awkward in my entire life!! I’m bubbly and funny and silly and loud as shit. I’m either ranting about whatever stupid & random thing I can think of, or scream laughing at the dumbest of things. It’s hard to get me to shut up. Though if I’m with someone who likes to talk more than me or has more to say, I’m always happy to listen for hours and hours on end! I basically try to match the mood of the people I’m with. Do I do it well? Uhhhhhhh--

I’m not the sharpest bulb in the toolbox- I sometimes don’t realize obvious things or forget stuff a lot. I spend more time inside of my own head than outside of it, so much so that I sometimes neglect work and other things. I also have a tendency to overthink or stress myself out or hesitate/close myself off when I’m anxious- which kinda makes me seem a bit overdramatic. I’ve got a few confidence issues, insecurities and all that jazz, but I’m trying to work on getting better.

HOBBIES: I like writing (the love of my life and my major), reading (even though I haven’t read much in ages), spending hours watching mostly any content I can get my hands on (TV, TikToks, fan-creations for whatever I’m into atm (which is stranger things rn)), spamming my friends with 20 memes in an hour, and zoning out when going on 2-hour walks. But, really, I just like doing things with my friends. So long as we’re hanging out, I’m having a good time. I may not do much, but I’m okay with that until the boredom kicks in.

INTERESTS: my favorite genres to read and to write in are fantasy and science fiction, but only in the YA category. Besides that, I do like consuming a good murder mystery or true crime documentary, and on the complete other side of the spectrum, I like a good shitty movie. I love escape rooms (real life ones and game ones) even though I usually don’t know what to do and end up being pretty useless. Shopping for clothes is my weakness, even though I have anxiety over the mall. The shirt & dress haul I bring back home makes it all worth it. I love being outside on nice sunny days until the bugs ruin everything. I love big and small attractions, from farmers markets to carnivals.

Stranger Things

Steve Harrington

I ship you with Steve Harrington! I feel like Steve would instantly start flirting with you a lot but you don't really think he is. You just think he is being nice until he asks you on a date. You knew what Steve's reputation was but you still went out anyways and you guys really hit it off. You continued to go on more and most of the time you guys talked about anything and everything! I could also see you and Steve going clothes shopping or just shopping in general in the mall. You would also come to visit him while he works since you love the mall and he works there at Scoops Ahoy! I feel like you would always have Steves attention and he would LOVE giving you attention, since he is more of a needy person (in my opinion). You would also "babysit" with Steve and actual become really good friends with. I think Steve would also help you with your insecurities and your confidence by always telling you how beautiful you are as well!

Hope you liked it! :) <3

[fic-over-cannon]

Harringrove Elvis AU

Okay so ever since I saw Dacre Montgomery in Baz Luhrmann’s Elvis, this AU just won’t leave me alone.

So picture Steve as Elvis. At this point in his career, he’s washed out of the movies, his star is on the decline, and now he’s doing a Christmas special aka an hour long home appliance commercial. He just doesn’t seem to get the opportunities to perform the music that makes him feel alive anymore. (I’m thinking Dr. Brenner would be a good fit for the financially abusive Colonel Parker, Steve’s manager)

Maybe Nancy’s Priscilla and Jonathan is Jerry Schilling (I don’t really see room for a Lisa Marie in this AU). Jonathan and Nancy are together and doing their best to support Steve but they aren’t really a part of showbiz so they don’t fully understand. The kids are all there as the Memphis Mafia but instead of a bunch of hangers on, they’re actually people Steve really likes and cares for. Everyone knows that Steve’s not happy but willing to take whatever opportunities come his way to keep supporting their lives in LA.

Max, who just so happens to have a step-brother in television, decides to do something about the situation. She introduces Steve and co to Billy and his business partner. Their first meeting is similar to how it goes in the movie, but Billy’s got a bit more snark and a bit more bite. This is a Billy who’s a few years out from under Neil’s thumb. He’s not so angry anymore now that he doesn’t have to live with his abuser and he’s built a career that he’s proud of. He’s gotten to a point where he and Max can have a good, if distant, relationship.

And from their first meeting Steve is hooked. Billy, with his stupid soft looking hair, his little neckerchiefs, and big sunglasses. Who pushes him to do more with his music, to make statements, and be true to himself. Who makes him feel like he can be more than a washed up singer and won’t take any of his bullshit excuses to hide his insecurities. Billy shakes up Steve’s whole worldview and doesn’t that just scare Steve?

Billy, of course, has been a fan of Steve’s way back since his first record came out. Steve was Billy’s sexual awakening thank you very much. At this point what Billy feels is mostly hero worship with a dash of lust trickling in. So when he gets that call from Max it’s like every dream he’s ever had has come true. But then Billy meets Steve and he’s everything and more. He’s not the same confident figure that dared the police to arrest him on stage for wiggling a finger, but there’s echoes of him still there. Billy can’t help but needle him, wanting to see the real King Steve buried under years of disappointments and insecurities. It takes Billy all of two meetings with Brenner to realize that he’s got Steve on a leash the same way Neil had Billy on his. And at that moment Billy understands exactly how Steve got to this point and is determined to get him out. It’s when they’re working in the the Christmas special that Billy realizes, oh, the way he loves Steve has changed. It isn’t the shallow kind of hero worship that comes from knowing someone from afar, but something a little more messy and a little more raw.

Cue the angst as Billy thinks that Steve and Nancy are together and Steve thinks he has no chance with someone like Billy. Brenner tries to use Steve’s anxieties against him to keep Billy and Steve apart, because as long as Billy’s around Steve won’t listen to Brenner. Billy has the brilliant idea to bring back Robin and Eddie, Steve’s old band mates, as part of the comeback special. With their help, Steve starts to get out the horrible headspace Brenner did his best to keep him in and get back his passion for music and life. Robin and Eddie have to suffer through both sides of Steve and Billy’s pining (they have a bet on when they get their shot together and realize their feelings are requited).

Finally, The people who love him get through to Steve and help him realize that he doesn’t need Brenner anymore. Billy and Steve get to go on their world tour and Billy FINALLY come clean to Steve about his feelings, fully expecting to be shot down and fired. What he doesn’t expect is the best kiss of his life in the form of one Steve Harrington realizing that he really gets his happy ever after.

[jawritter]

When The Lights Go Out

Chapter 11

Summary: Life hasn’t been your best friend lately, you lost your job, and are on the verge of losing your apartment. Who knew when you decided to join a Sugar Daddy app that your best friend suggested ina last ditch effort to save your apartment, and not end up on the street, your first and only client would turn your whole world upside down.

Pairing: Mobster!Dean Winchester x Virgin! Reader

Word count: 2203

Series Warnings: Mob level violence, injured Dean, description of injury, creepy Godfather John Winchester, John is pretty much a douche bag, escort services, virgin reader, lose of virginity and all the insecurities and fun stuff that come with it, age gap (23 year old reader; 40 year old Dean), angst, unrequited/requited love?, language, smut, unprotected smut.

Chapter Warnings: Character death, talk of character death, language, angst, some fluff maybe if you squint?, I think that’s about it. 

A/N: Beta’d by @deanwanddamons! Thanks so much love!! Please don’t copy my work!! Feedback is golden! Hope you all enjoy this one!! It’s gonna be a little bit of a slow burn y’all, but just hang in there!

(This fic is based on this request: Could you do a Dean x reader where she is 23 and lives alone in her apartment, she gets fired and can loose her house, her friend tells her about a sugar daddy app, she makes a profile and Dean 40, contacts her, she is virgin and don’t offers sex, Dean is billionaire business man and needs a girl for his business parties,the reader is really shy, blushes a lot, they fall in love, he takes her to a trip and makes love to her on a private island, could it be a series?)

Want more? Check out my masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***SERIES MASTERLIST***

The SUV came to a stop in front of an old cabin, somewhere in the middle of nowhere. You had left New York behind at least an hour ago, and you had no Idea where you were now, other than this was a “safe house”, and this is where everyone was meeting to go over Dean’s plan to handle this threat against his family. 

Benny opened the door for you, and Dean came around the car on the other side of you, both men caging you in as the three of you made your way to the front door of the older looking cabin, both men holding a gun, and looking around the tree line as if they half expected something to jump out of the woods and start shooting at you.

The very sight of the guns, and the thoughts that accompanied them, made your heart rate spike to a dangerous level, and you were grateful to reach the small porch, and have the door swing open wide, revealing Sam Winchester, and Jess close over his shoulder.

“Sammy, did Bobby update you on the status of our situation?” Dean said as you were hustled into the cabin. People were standing everywhere, some faces you had seen before, some you had not. Some looked more menacing than others. None of them, except Jess, really made you that comfortable.

“Yea, I’ve updated everyone here as well.” Sam said, taking a seat on the couch next to Jess, who gave you a tight smile before wrapping her hand around Sam’s. Dean sat you down in an armchair close to the top of the room, and stood behind it with his hands on your shoulders. 

You could have heard a pin drop as everyone fell immediately silent in the room, all eyes on you and Dean, as they waited instructions on what to do next. 

“I know you're all reeling, just as I am, just as Sam and Jess are. Our father will be missed, and mourned for many days to come. Right now is not the time to mourn unfortunately, that will have to wait. Right now, we need to deal with the threat that’s staring us dead in the face.”

You could feel Dean’s hold tighten on your shoulders as he continued to address the room.You could only imagine how hard this was for him. The pressure, and the responsibility of all this was too much for one person. He shouldn’t have to carry it all. He hadn’t even allowed himself time to grieve really, but here he was, leading the pack, and you had a feeling that this had been a constant throughout his life, even when John was still alive.

“Azazel is very dangerous. Not because of what he can do, but what those mindless idiots that follow him are willing to do. My father knew this, and he also knew that one day, we would have to deal with Azazel, and put a stop to The Knights Of Hell once and for all. Tonight is that night.” Dean circled the room, going over to a small bag that had been carried in by a man you didn’t recognize, and placed on the chair. Lifting the bag and sitting it in the center of the room before continuing. 

“They will all be at the club owned by Azazel, a club called Hell’s Gate, in downtown New York. Tonight, we finished what my dad planned years ago.Tonight we take them all out.” 

Reaching into the bag, Dean produced what looked like a pipe bomb, and started to pass it around the room so that everyone could get a look at what they would be working with. 

“At midnight, myself, Sam, Cas, Benny, and about six other volunteers will sit pipe bombs through the exterior of the building, while three of you go inside.

Mick, Terry, Steve, that will be you three, and plant pipe bombs at the two back entrances, and the bathroom located pretty much at the center of the building.”

There was a sudden buzz of conversation throughout the room. Some in agreement, some obviously a little scared of the outcome of this plan.

“Easy guys, I know, this is dangerous, but they will all be gathered in the back room, Bobby and I can take care of the two idiots by the door. They are the only guards in the place. Once all the bombs are placed, and everyone has cleared the building, I will send the text with the words, “lights out” to Ash, who will detonate all the bombs at once using his computer here.” 

Rufous stood up at the back of the room, making his way closer to Dean, but not close enough to seem like any sort of a threat.

“And what happens if one of them survives this attack? What if we fail?” Rufus says, and a few others murmur their agreement.

“Look, I’m not saying it’s a foolproof plan. I can’t guarantee a complete success rate, but with that many pipe bombs going off at once, I don’t see anyone surviving that blast.” Dean said, his face hard as stone as he stood there staring at the older man in front of him.

“Dad knew what he was doing guys. He’s the one that mapped out the building all those years ago. He wouldn’t have put this plan in place all those years ago, and then told Dean about it, if he wasn’t sure that it would work.” Sam said, and a few others murmured their agreement. 

“The women will remain here. I want three of you outside the safe house guarding it, and two inside the doors. If anyone that’s not ours shows their face here, shoot it.” Dean said, looking down at you. His eyes had a hard unreadable mask that made you uneasy. 

“This woman means everything to me, and has the high possibility of becoming my wife one day. You are to treat her with the same respect you treat myself and Sam. Understood?” 

When he was satisfied that everyone was in agreement, and knew what they were supposed to do, he gave Benny a nod, who then started to get the teams together for the job at hand. 

You, on the other hand, didn’t know how to feel. 

You had just actively sat in a room, while your boyfriend discussed murdering only God knows how many people by blowing up the building they were meeting in. 

Then, on the other side of that, there was this sickening, twisting fear buried not so deep below the surface, that said this may be the last time you ever see Dean.

Grabbing your hand, Dean leads you through the small cabin, and into the back bedroom, closing the door, and pulling you into him, wrapping his arms around you as tight as he could, before his lips collide with your own in a deep kiss, full of emotions you didn’t understand, and things that made you tremble with fear. 

Did he think he might not come back from this either?

When he finally pulled away, his eyes searched yours for a moment before he leaned his forehead against yours. 

“Y/N, if this goes sideways, and something happens to me, I want you to stay with Benny, understand?”

“Dean, don’t talk like that, please!”

Dean put his large, warm hand to the side of your face, catching the tears that were freely falling with his thumb, before brushing his lips against yours in a barely there kiss to stop you worrying. 

“Listen Baby, please, I’m confident this is going to go just fine, and I’ll be back before sunup, and we can go home like none of this ever happened, but I need you to promise me that IF something doesn’t go like I’m playing it out in my head, and I don’t make it back, you will stay with Benny. I need to know you're going to be safe if I’m not here to protect you. Can you promise me that?”

Trying hard to swallow the nothing that seemed to be clogging your throat, you nod your head before his lips collide with your own again. 

“Now, it’s your turn to promise me something, Winchester. Promise me you will come home to me.” you tell him bluntly, his green eyes boring into yours as if he was trying to tell you everything he felt, but couldn’t bring himself to say in that moment.

“I promise I’ll do everything in my power to get home to you baby girl.” 

A loud banging on the door made you nearly jump out of your skin as Benny’s voice boomed from the other side. 

“Ready to go boss!”

Giving you a quick kiss, Dean gave you one last look before slipping out the door, and leaving you to sit down on the edge of the bed, your heart beating a thousand miles a second, praying to whatever God may, or may not exist that he would come home to you tonight.

-------------------------

To say that it was the absolute longest night of your life wouldn’t have been an accurate enough description. 

You alternated from pacing, to standing staring out the window, to laying on the bed curled up in a ball of worry, and Jess was doing no better than you were. Both of you were a wreck. There was no word from Dean or anyone else yet, and you were starting to think that something had gone horribly wrong.

Anxiety pulled at you like a weight trying desperately to pull you under. Your chest felt tight, and your hands were shaking so hard as you checked your phone for the thousandth time, you almost didn’t successfully unlock it.

“Still nothing?” Jess asked as she flopped down on the bed next to you dramatically.

“Nope.” 

“This is the hardest part, the waiting,” she tells you, giving your shoulder a sympathetic pat. 

You were just about to try and sit up to go back to staring out of the window, when the sound of tires on gravel sounded throughout the cabin. The two of you held your breath as you waited for the sounds of someone coming through the front door, and you were just about to say fuck it, and go look out the window, when the bedroom door opened, revealing a dirty, and tired looking Dean, with Sam hot on his heals. 

Getting off the bed you practically run to him, and jump on him. The relief that flooded your body at the sight of them was almost enough to make you pass out. 

“It’s over,” he kept telling you, brushing your hair back away from your face. You didn’t care at that moment, for the moment he was standing here, alive, and well in front of you, and that’s all that mattered. 

Sam made his way to Jess, and pulled her into him as well. 

“The threat is passed for now, but others will come.” Sam said, looking at his brother, who gave him a knowing look before pressing his lips to the top of your head.

“We will let tomorrow's problems worry about themselves for now. Tonight I’m tired, and I want to get home with my girl. We still have a funeral to plan, and a change of headship through the high table ahead of us.”

The three of you made your way towards the door, and to Benny, who was still waiting in the SUV to take you back to the Winchester Estate. Once you were inside the safety of the car, and wrapped tight in Dean’s arms sitting in the third row, you realized just how tired you were.

“It’s gonna be strange, Dad gone, that big old house is gonna feel pretty empty.” Sam said, his body half turned in his seat to look at his older brother. 

Dean just shrugged, and placed his lips to the top of your forehead that was resting on his shoulder. 

“It’s gonna be different, but we’ll adjust.” Jess said, giving Sam’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

“So, Azazel is gone?” You asked Dean, looking up at the piercing green eyes that you loved so much in the dark car. Dean gave you a tight smile.

“Azazel is gone, but others will come, that’s part of this life we live. There’s no rest for the wicked sweetheart.”

You buried your head in Dean’s shoulder, and let him drop his suit jacket over your body like a blanket, letting exhaustion finally grip you like it had been trying to do since you crawled into the car.

You knew Dean was right. There would be other threats, and there was no going back to your old life now. There was no leaving Dean  and Sam Winchester, or anyone else you had met during your short time with them. You were completely sucked in, and you didn’t care to be pulled out.

Your old life was boring, same old seven and six, no meaning, just the same old struggle everyday. Yes, this isn’t a life you would have exactly chosen for yourself, but now that you had it, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

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[shadow-assassin-blix]

Bleeding Sunshine

Javier Pena x Reader

Part 1. 

So... this was a challenge... to write Consensual non-consent... but then this icky thing called feelings got in the way, so now this is 2 parts. 

So theres gonna be: Spanking. Slight jealously. Insecurities. Javi being both rough and soft. You being a brat at times. Feelings getting talked about. Hands tied.

Got the title from this poem that I found forever ago.

It had been a long day of work with the DEA. They had almost caught La Quica and he just barely slipped from their grasps. Your partner and boyfriend, Javier Pena, had left early, leaving you and Steve with the paperwork. Again.

“Did Javi tell you why he decided to cut early and leave us with the paperwork?” Steve asked, filing away his stack.

“Nope. But is it really that odd for him to leave early?” You replied with a shrug, as you stood up, throwing on your jacket.

“I have to stop and pick up dinner for us tonight, tell Connie I said ‘Hi.’ See ya tomorrow,” You said with a wave as you left the office.

You hopped into your car and drove to a local pizza place and picked up 2 large pizzas. Javi tended to devour most of a pizza pie by himself, leaving you with only one slice far too often.

Once the pizza was ready, it was a fairly short distance to the Embassy apartments. While you had your own apartment, you spent a vast majority of your time in Javi’s once the two of you began dating a year ago.

While dating him was amazing most of the time, there were times that you were doubtful and didn’t believe this relationship would last long. For example, you still had to deal with the issue of his informants and while you weren’t necessarily happy with the arrangement, you also knew that it was for the job. You dealt with it, even though you hated it.

You made your way to his apartment and used your spare key to open his door. You stopped in your tracks when you saw him.

“Please. Please, do not tell me you cut out early just to go fuck a hooker?” You asked, slightly annoyed taking in his appearance.

He sat on his loveseat, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans, a cigarette hanging between his fingers. The Look as you once called it, when your relationship began.

“No. Don’t get your panties in such a twist,” Javier grumbled, tapping the cigarette ash off into the tray on the side table.

Your eyes narrowed at him slightly, as you walked past him, to set the food on the kitchen table.

You began to grab plates and such when Javier called for your attention and waved you over to him.

You looked at him as you slowly walked back over to him and stood before him.

He patted his lap, enticingly, silently asking you to take a seat.

“Mh. No. I hate this couch. I know what you do on it,” You respond, crinkling your nose in slight disgust.

He sighed loudly and commanded, “Get. On. My. Damn. Lap.”

You raised an eyebrow at that, but did as he wished, wondering where this was heading.

You straddle his hips and gently situate yourself on his lap.

“You remember your safe word?” he whispered to you as he took his last drag of his cigarette, before putting it out.

“…mangos? What are we?” You asked slightly confused as to where this was heading.

He then proceeded to reach up and rip your shirt straight down the middle, buttons flying everywhere.

“Javi! I just bought that!” You exclaimed, smacking his chest with the back of your hand.

“Hm. Don’t care. I’ll buy you a new one,” He offered carelessly as he began to kiss your neck, nipping lightly.

You rolled your eyes at his response, and said, “How? It was limited.”

“Shut up, querida,” He mumbled into your neck as his hands ripped the rest of your blouse off, throwing it somewhere.

“Javi. The pizza’s going to get cold,” You complained as he began to unbutton your pants.

“That’s why they invented the microwave, sweet cheeks. Now. Imma tell you one last time,” He growled as he grabbed your chin to look him in the eyes. “Shut. Up.”

You blinked in response and opened your mouth to say something else, but Javi decided to land a firm slap on your ass.

He raised an eyebrow, daring you to react, as his hand hovered near your backside, threatening to do it again.

You took that challenge, and stood up, turning toward the kitchen and to go eat.

Javier shook his head and grabbed you by the back of your pants, pulling you back.

“Oh? Going to be a brat, eh?”  He said, disapproval lacing his tone. “Hm. Let me see if I can beat that out of you. Undress.”

You crossed your arms and looked away, ignoring him.

He sighed then and scooted forward a bit, looking up at you with annoyance.

He then proceeded to rip off his belt, twisting you around, and tied your hands together.

“Javi!” You exclaimed, wiggling your arms and hands, trying to break free.

He ripped your pants down, gently guiding you to bend over, and he commanded, “Count them out.”

He spanked you harshly and waited.

“One,” You whispered, not wanting to admit that this was turning you on. You always enjoyed it when he was rougher in bed. Made it more exciting; the mind-blowing orgasms were a plus.

“Louder,” He corrected you, slapping your ass again.

“Two,” You said louder, breathing getting heavier as arousal began to flood your mind.

This continued on until you reached 10 finally, and his hands softly soothed over the enflamed skin.

“Now. Are we going to be a good girl? Or are you going to continue being a brat?” He questioned lightly.

You whimpered in response, trying to calm yourself as both pain and pleasure saturated your brain.

“What was that?” He asked turning you back to him.

You took some deep breaths, in an attempt to get yourself under control.

After a moment you jokingly narrow your eyes at him and let out a breathy, “Ow.”

He chuckled, gently bringing you back to his lap. “I didn’t hear you complaining. In fact, I bet if I were to touch your panties they’d be soaked.”

His hands began massaging your thighs as he lightly pressed kisses to your chest. This usually made you want to be brattier or just give into his ministrations. However, for whatever reason, you were suddenly not as into this as you were a moment ago. Especially when you saw out of the corner of your eye, an old cigarette butt that had lipstick stains on it; you didn’t smoke.

You stared down at his short messy curls, biting your lips, thinking.

‘Why is this man with me? I’m such a mess. I mean why else would he still be seeing his favorites from the brothel? He clearly doesn’t want-‘

“I can hear you thinking. What’s up?” He asked pulling away, one of his hands cupping your face.

You opened your mouth to answer but found you didn’t know what to say, so you closed it.

Javier stared at you for a long moment and noticed the small glances to the ashtray you made. His eyes briefly roved over to it and realized what it was you were looking at.

“Does the thought of me being with a hooker bother you that much?” He guessed, his voice low, his movements stopping.

You don’t answer immediately. You chewed on your bottom lip harshly before sighing heavily.

“I understand… that you do it for work… but it also makes me wonder why you even bother to be with me, when you have all of them,” You admitted.

“What if…. What if I told you… that I haven’t slept with any of them… in months? That I’ve just been paying them for their information?” He hesitantly asked.

“Wh- Really? Why?” You stammered in confusion.

“Because I have you,” He answered plainly, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

You looked at him shocked, your mouth dropping open and you fully expected him to say that he was joking. But after a full minute of him just staring at you softly, you knew he wasn’t, which made you smile and look down.  

He tilted your chin back up and pressed a chaste kiss to your lips.

“Let’s go eat, yeah?” He offered with a half-smile.

“What happened to the whole ‘that’s what microwaves are for’ thing?” You teased.

“I want your full attention, when I rail you into next week my love. I don’t want there to be any doubts or thoughts that I don’t care about you. Plus, I can hear your stomach growling and it’s quite distracting,” He joked, his hands flying up to protect his face as you grabbed a pillow and whacked him with it.

“You’re such a jerk! I can’t help it! I’m hungry,” You tried to say sternly but kept laughing.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, your forehead resting against his. You wanted to tell him you loved him, but the last time you did that he refused to speak to you for a week. So, you were quiet, and pressed small kisses to his lips.

The sweet moment was ruined when your stomach growled. Loudly. You pulled away, closing your eyes, and scrunching your face up in mild embarrassment.

“So. Pizza? And whatever’s on TV?” You proposed trying to move away from this awkward moment.

“Yeah. Bring me a couple of slices, please?” He politely asked with a chuckle, turning the TV on.

You filled both plates up pizza, grabbed beers for the both of you, and some napkins.

Javier moved from the loveseat to the sofa and you handed him his half, before curling into his side.

“Do you really think Veronique killed Paolo or do you think it was Marie?” You asked as your (and Javi’s, though he would never admit it) favorite telenovela came on.

“It was definitely Veronique. It’s always the spouse,” Javier argued back, taking a sip of beer.

“C’mon. They just had the baby! Marie’s always been jealous of Veronique!” You exclaimed in response, taking a large bite.

“I guess we shall find out then, won't we?” Javier shrugged devouring half a slice in seconds.

The two of you spent the next hour eating and watching the episode.

When it ended you looked at Javi smugly, “I told you so.”

He rolled his eyes playfully and cleaned up the mess they made while eating. He returned to the living room and picked you up, taking you to his bed.

You lightly giggled at the action, shaking your head.

When the both of you were in bed, the lights out, he pulled you close to him. He was on his side and you on your back. He gently brushed your hair out of your face, he whispered something to you then.

Three words that you hadn’t expected. Three words that you had accepted were never going to come from him, at least not in the traditional sense. Hell, he said it so quietly, you could almost have believed that you misheard him.

“I love you.”

You whispered it back, as he kissed you firmly on the lips. He wrapped his arms around you tightly and you turned on your side to do the same, and the both of you fell into a deep sleep. Best sleep the both of you ever had in a long while.

[searchingforbucky]

Fic Rec (Part 18) :)

Hello everyone! So here it is, the Baker!Bucky fic rec list. I will say, there doesn't seem to be many stories like that out there :( so I mixed in some of my favorite Baker!Reader x Bucky stories too! These all were incredibly sweet, enough give you a cavity ;)but its fitting! Sorry its a bit short, I hope you all enjoy!💖

Love Handles by @jaamesbbarnes 

oh man OK, this one’s adorable. So this one is about baker reader, and Chubby!Bucky.  this one owns my heart just like the Raiders bakery owns Buckys. So this one is also about a sort of rain brings people together, Bucky stumbled across the readers bakery during the rain, and that was history. I really lovely personality the reader has in the story, how sassy and unapologetic she is. And to see Bucky kind of be the shy timid awkward one, it’s one of my favorite shops. But also Doriane does an amazing job of dealing with chubby Bucky. She really expertly handles the insecurity that comes with him having gained a little weight, in a really realistic way. And it made me feel for Bucky when he was starting to feel down about himself, but the fact that the reader loves him and doesn’t care about any of that is so sweet. Loooove this one!

Flour Girl Series Masterlist by @avengerofyourheart

ohhhhhh We have an enemies to lovers situation going on in this one. So this one is about Baker Bucky and Baker reader, And they’re rivals. So this one was awesome and so well done. It’s based on you got mail, and it was so wholesome and their relationship was precious. There was never that like inappropriate power dynamic or just harshness that a lot of enemies to lovers have, like yeah they didn’t like each other. But it was never really hateful you know? It was really sweet. And you just get so invested emotionally with their relationship you just want to see it grow, and you want to see them grow together. there’s some angst here in there, but Anika does a really good job at fixing it lol. ALSO SHE ADDED RECIPES

Eating Your Weight (Baker AU) by @propertyofpoeandbucky

so this one is also about Baker reader, and Bucky is putting on weight because of it. And it is also spectacularly done. I love seeing the dynamic between the characters, and I really relate to it because if I’m in a relationship I really want validation LOL. But I like this one because it’s such a passing thing, he knowledges he gained weight, but then he’s like you know what I love you, and she loves him too. It’s so cute. It really is just a sweet interaction between a lovely loving couple. Also check out other series That’s kind of a baker AU, where the reader is a baker and she visits Steve in a senior center and meet Bucky it is also adorable. (This Old Heart (Baker AU))

Why Can’t I Say That I’m in Love? by @buckthegrump

OK so this one is awesome, it’s a baker Bucky and a princess reader story. Like right off the bat, are you a killer plot LOL. So this one it’s kind of self-explanatory, the princess falls in love with the baker son, and absolute fluffiness ensues, this one was like a literal heart melter. The whole for bed and love thing, always gets me. But my favorite thing about this is like, how it wasn’t some sort of inability to be together and there doesn’t have to be this dramatic issue to get over it. I mean don’t get me wrong those stories are awesome too, but I love happy stories. Like the reader is bad ass and wants to marry bucky, so she told her parents and she does. Amazing! 

kitchen royalty by @the-canary

So this one is about baker reader and Bucky. Bucky has been secretly working at the bakers shop to get money and food, and honestly when she finds out the relationship just grows from there. I love that they found each other, after everything he’s been through, and all if the issues. They ended up together, and that helped them both so much. how she's just so understanding and sweet when it comes to him, it’s utterly adorable. She just immediately took him in, it was so sweet to read, and imagining Bucky in a hairnet?? My heart. And he calls her CUPCAKE MY HEART. Sooooo adorable. Like literally it’s like they just grow closer and healthier and happier and I’m so in love 

Honey and the bee by @chrevastan

This one was so utterly amazing. This one is about Baker reader, and really she’s part of the avengers in a way, and Bucky. So the reader decides to start baking, and it leaves her to get close to Bucky. But this one was so freaking adorable, there was such a natural flow to the story. It was so realistic, there was perfectly timed angst, so much fluff. It was one of the stories that you knew was something the writer liked doing, because you love reading it just that much more. just seeing the growth in their relationship, I know I’ve been saying that a lot in this one, but you can like feel every step forward Bucky is taking in becoming his own person and becoming a better person. It is the loveliest thing to see how literally you’re getting to his heart through his stomach. And the angst hurt because you were so invested in the story but God it was so good.

Butter Me Up by @captain-ariel-barnes 

OK, so this one is about Baker Bucky, and the reader who gets caught in the rain and goes in to Buckys shop for shelter. This one is absolutely adorable, and the fact that Bucky calls the reader sugar is an immediate yes for me LOL. It’s a nickname that I don’t see much in Bucky stories, but when I do I am all in. This one was just a shorter yet so sweet story, a little bit of a sassy Bucky here in there, just makes you feel good!

Feel Like Baking Love by @wehaveabucky-archive

OK so this one is about baker Bucky and single mom reader. The readers daughter has a birthday party coming up, the reader has everything planned but the birthday cake. In comes baker Bucky to save the day!  Wanda is such a little mastermind in this, super smart set up from her lol, we all need a best friend like that.  my favorite thing about this one was just how sweet both the reader and Bucky were, to have Bucky remember all of the little details down to the color of the box, to not even bad and I when it comes to the readers daughter. To having put so much work into the cake and only one day, and the reader who just loves her daughter. How guilty she felt. The fact that Bucky isn’t even like a real cake baker and he still did it. It was just a really sweet story you know?

The Sweetest Thing by @bucky-plums-barnes

so this one is adorable, it’s basically like a compilation of a bunch of different travels. It’s based on little scenes of the lives of Baker Bucky and the reader. I always love travel series like this, being able to see all of the little scenes individually, but also knowing exactly how they fit in together is awesome. This series is so cute, Bucky is the sweetest thing, seeing their love, and their relationship, and their family grow is absolutely adorable. Like, this sounds cliché cause I’m talking about Baker Bucky but holy shit it gives you a cavity is so sweet., How patient he is, how adorably cute she is. It really is one of those relationships that you want for yourself. I know I personally want a baker boyfriend LOL

Firebug Masterlist by @areyoureadyforsomemeatballz

this one is fantastic, so this one is about baker reader, and fire fighter Bucky. And the reader owns a bakery, and Bucky frequency regularly. This one is so incredibly sweet, it was something I read as chapters came out and it was absolutely worth the wait, and being able to come back to it and just binge it is absolutely amazing. It was so to throbbing Lee sweet, and everybody wants a hot fire fighter to dig their baking. it was so incredibly sweet, to see him be so loving and patient with her, and just to see their love grow throughout the chapters, it was like some of my favorite tropes smashed together, I love fire fighter Bucky. And I don’t wanna spoil the end but let me just say, motorcycle into the sunset. With a hot firefighter. Beat that 

black forest - baker!b.b. by @serpienten and @wintersoeldiers

OK so this one is an absolute trip, so it’s about Baker Bucky and the reader, and honestly like this story is a fantastic train wreck. It is so crazy, one thing after another lol. It’s such a delight to read. Like even if you just read the quick snippets you literally get immediately pulled in. You’re just like what? How is that happening in one chapter, but it’s not overwhelming, it’s not out of place or unfitting. It’s just a really well done story that’s so fun to read because you’re so invested in them and what’s going to happen next. I will warn that it’s not completed, and it kind of ends on a cliffhanger so read at your own risk, but it is really good and I felt like it was worth it

Sweet by @hcwlingccmmandcs

Oh man, OK so this one was adorable. It is completely fitting to the tile, it was so sweet. So it’s like a small business AU, The reader is a baker, and Bucky is a florist. Like how much better can you get lol. The two sweetest professions, coming together to fall in love. Was so sweet how kind of shy they were, slowly coming together. It’s really just a mellow sweet story, their interactions together when they talk about the things they love are so adorable. This is such a nice story to just sit down and slowly read. But I will say it’s not finished, and it gets a bit anxiety in the end of the last chapter so read at your own risk.

and last but certainly not least

Nothing Under 7 Inches by @hellomissmabel

Oh man, OK so this one is also a trip, it was a roller coaster of emotions. There is a lot of twists in this one, and a lot of angst. At least in my opinion lol. So Bucky is a baker in The readers hometown, The reader comes home for a special occasion, and meets Bucky. This one made me feel a lot of things, I will put a warning in there that there is a bit of sugar daddy Tony, so if you’re not into that this wouldn’t be the one for you. I did not think I would be into it. But I was. This one was always having me on the edge of my seat because I really wanted the reader and Bucky to work out, but there was always something coming up to stop them. And I will say this one is also not finished, but it ends on a note that is somewhat OK and not necessarily a cliffhanger, but still read at your own risk! but it’s really good! 

Alright! Thank you all so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it ! :)

[theawkwardterrier]

things left behind and the things that are ahead, ch. 40

AO3 link here

Peggy sleeps less now. Her doctor assures her that it’s normal, a perfectly common thing that happens to older people, but she can’t help but think ruefully of all those times over the years - decades, really - when she was pushing through on catnaps and adrenaline, having ten meetings a day while still trying to get home in time to quiz someone on their multiplication tables. Inconvenient, really, that her body’s waited until now to decide it can do with less.

Her eyes open at ten past four and she can tell that she isn’t going to be able to get back to sleep, so she puts on her dressing gown and leaves Steve in bed, breathing evenly. Down in the kitchen she starts water for tea. It isn’t quite late enough for the morning paper, so she takes a deck of cards and deals herself a round of solitaire. Last night’s comfortingly pouring rain has tapered off, leaving dismal drizzle and heavy gray out the windows.

Perhaps some part of her sensed something different about this morning, though, because when the phone sounds, bright and loud in the silence, she isn’t startled by it. She picks up in the middle of the second ring, hoping that it hasn’t woken Steve.

“Hello.”

“Mom?” The sharp sound of Drea’s franticness, the suppressed panic of her breathing, is interrupted by surprise. Steve usually picks up the phone during the night. “I didn’t think you’d be up.”

“The benefits of getting older, I suppose,” Peggy says. “I assume that if you’re calling this early...?”

“We’re driving up,” Drea confirms, words piling atop each other. “Jackson’s in the shower now. Ce called at midnight, told us that it would probably take a while, but I’m going a little—”

“Of course.” Peggy can imagine her daughter’s eyes wide open in the darkness, staring at the ceiling, shifting over to check the clock. All those nights of childhood insomnia, restless nerves over tests or tiffs with friends, grown now as she waits for her child to be born.

“And I thought I’d call and...let you two know, um...” Drea breathes out, a shudder.

After a gap of silence, Peggy speaks. “Did you want to ask me something?” she says gently.

Blurting as if she only needed permission for the question, Drea says, “What if I’m not good at it?” and then seems to hold her breath.

“At what?” Peggy prods.

“At being a mother. A parent. What if I’ve just been fooling myself - Jackson’s so excited and he seems so ready, but I never wanted to babysit growing up, and I’m never the one to try to hold the babies when we’re all together, and Max always used to cry when I picked him up, and I once almost dropped Luke onto his head.”

Peggy smooths her face, even though no one can see her, and holds back a chuckle. “That’s quite a lot of worries,” she observes.

“What if I’m not good at it?” Drea asks again, whispered. “Celia’s trusting me, she’s gone through being pregnant all of these months, she could have picked anyone, but she picked us. She picked me. And I don’t want to let her down. I don’t want to let the baby down. I just don’t know if I’m good enough for this. If I’m ready. If I’ll ever be.”

This sort of vulnerability is, Peggy thinks, the reason Drea chose to call here instead of phoning her brother. Because Nate would have picked up, too, would have been just as happy for her, told her it didn’t matter that it was barely light or that Eleanor and Luke were sleeping, would have given her his perpetual calm, offered soothing encouragements and bits of parenting advice. But Drea has always been the big sister, the protector between the two of them. Peggy can still see them in that first glimpse, Drea’s small arms around Nate’s smaller shoulders, knuckles tensed just in case. She still remembers those nights, peeking through the crack in the door when she came home late, Nate held safe between the house and his sister. And as much as Nate has grown, alongside her the whole time and even, in some ways, surpassing her, as clearly as he knows her flaws and insecurities, perhaps she wants to hold on just a little longer to that idea of herself striding ahead of him, fearless.

“Celia had good reason to choose you,” Peggy tells her. She’d only met Drea’s friend once, at their law school graduation, has an approximate memory of a round-faced woman, not quite Drea’s height but close enough that she seemed tall too, with vaguely tamed wheat-colored hair down near her waist, chunky bracelets in bright colors or made of hand-carved wooden beads beneath the sleeves of her graduation robe, a perpetually gentle, encompassing smile: like someone had tried to package every free spirit cliche into one person, though Drea had assured her that it was just the way Celia was. After graduation she had apparently moved to Vermont and specialized in environmental law, as if perfectly comfortable pigeonholing herself further, and Peggy hadn’t thought of her once until Drea had called seven months ago.

She and Jackson had been married for over three years, already a year into trying to adopt, and feeling the strain of it, especially given that they been honest about the fact that Jackson was meant to be the main caregiver while Drea worked, a plan which had been greeted (still, Peggy thought, dismayed, all these years and all we’ve done later) with no little disapproval.

(It was the sort of thing that made Steve absolutely furious. It always would have, but especially after all those years working with children.

"I can't imagine," he would comment to Peggy after another phone call with Drea, "telling the kid in front of you that sorry, there's no family for them just because you don't like the job or the skin color or the sexuality of the parents who want them. Especially when there are too many people who look right on paper and should never be allowed around children.")

And then, all of a sudden, there had been Celia, sending a letter to the address she had gotten from some mutual friend. The story of a hiking trip in Maine, one night with a man from Canada, a pregnancy that she had considered ending and decided not to. How she had remembered hearing that Drea and her husband were trying to adopt and wondered if they would like to take her baby.

Peggy was dubious about the situation, thinking how messy it could be to be acquainted with the birth parent of your child, seeing the potential there for hearts shattering and difficult questions in the future. But she trusts Drea's mind, and it was made up - not quickly, but decisively.

Still, Peggy isn't surprised by the panic at this final moment. Precipices are always frightening.

"Celia made the right decision," she reiterates with firm gentleness. "I always trusted you to take good care of your siblings. You can give this baby a wonderful home and a family. And after all, you only ever almost dropped Luke."

Drea doesn't laugh. "Okay, even if I can keep the baby alive what if I don't—" Her words tangle a little, tripping on something Peggy suspects is tears. "What if I hold them for the first time and don't feel anything? I've seen people fall in love with their kids. I won't share blood with this baby, I won't have had those months of feeling them grow and move. I painted a room. I went to a few classes. I bought a bed and bottles and a chair. It's not the same."

"It is, somewhat. Those steps mean the same thing," Peggy points out, and she realizes that she's drawing from that reserve of hers that keeps her calm in meetings when she feels something stirring and tightening in her chest. Drea has certainly considered Peggy and Steve her parents for decades, and she doesn’t mean to glance against the cruelty of saying that some sorts of parents are more real than others. "You've been preparing to bring a child into your life."

"And if it's not enough?" Drea asks. Her voice is so vulnerable that Peggy feels the stirring in her chest transform. She holds the phone closer.

"Then it's enough for you to want to help the baby, to hold them close and keep them safe and cared for. It's enough, Drea. I promise." Peggy fingers the playing cards before her. The deck is so worn, the cards creased in places, soft at the edges, the occasional little tear, that she imagines they must have had it from when the children were small.

She has never really said this aloud to Steve, though she thinks he must have guessed. She needs to take in a breath before she can begin to speak the words. The pain of thinking about the children she lost might be old by now, a healed sort of wound which only gives the occasional twinge on its own, but it can still hurt when she presses on the memory of it.

"The first time I became pregnant," she says carefully, "I wasn't entirely excited about it. I knew your father would be and I took joy in his joy. I wasn’t unhappy. But I became caught up in more logistical concerns, making certain I could still work, thinking of how it would change my marriage and my physical ability going forward, and I didn't truly focus on the meaning of it. And then I lost the pregnancy, and...it wasn't that I thought my thinking had caused it, but I certainly thought that it hadn't helped. I found myself wondering about all of these other aspects of that future which we might have had and now never could.

"So the next time I became pregnant, and the next, I put so much into thinking of how our life would be changed for the better by having a child of our own. It hurt, more than I would have ever thought, when I wasn't able to bring those children into the world, to bring reality to those futures I had dreamt up. And then we found Rose, and life with her was...very different from anything I had imagined. But no matter how much things in the beginning might have been about pushing through, keeping her alive, warm, fed, settling ourselves in, it becomes more. Taking care of another person like that, it changes things. Perhaps you'll have that moment of being struck by love and perhaps not. It depends on the parent, it always does, but I promise that the love can come later. Things are allowed to take more than a moment."

(She remembers Steve telling her about the day he had gone over to Nate’s to help put together the cot before Luke was born. How as they had examined their handiwork, Nate had asked in that quiet, straightforward way of his about whether his father ever thought of what would have happened if they had had biological children, if they hadn’t needed to adopt.

“Do you wonder?” she had asked Steve, “What did you say?”

He had looked at her: those eyes, bright and hers and the same, even as age stroked at his skin.

“I told him that whenever I’ve wondered, I imagine what Rosie would be like if she’d had older siblings. I think about how we’d have needed an even bigger house for everyone or we’d have been refereeing fights every night and putting lines of tape down all the bedrooms. I told him that when I do wonder, I ask what life would have been like with all of them.”)

“You have,” she says to Drea, hoping she can promise such things, “so many moments. There will be so many moments for you and Jackson to love your child, to grow to love them. And when you do…”

She can’t speak for a moment. She thinks of Rose in the third grade spelling bee with a gap-toothed smile and hair growing out from the mangled trim she’d decided to give herself, Rose in a formal dress organizing everyone to walk down the aisle at Nate and Eleanor’s backyard wedding last month. Emma’s gaze monitoring Peggy that first moment she had held her all that time ago, and just a year ago, sitting beside Emma as she typed out her statement for her congressional testimony the next day. Nate: how those once small hands which held his stuffed animals and pulled others up from where they’d fallen on the playground now hold onto his wife and son, demonstrate technique to the children he helps. And Drea, running wild with tangled hair, her light on late as she tried to study just that last little bit more, Drea draped softly in love the day she was married, arguing with straight shoulders at the courthouse in downtown Boston while Peggy sat hidden and proud in the gallery.

“I love you too, Mom,” says Drea quietly. “Thank you.”

Peggy clears her throat. “Have you decided on a name?” she asks, a bit of rust on the words.

“Jackson likes Harriet,” Drea says. “Harry. After Harriet the Spy.” She sounds so fond. “He thinks it will help the baby fit in with the girls.”

“The girls” are Drea and Jackson’s cats, Nancy, Trixie, Judy, and Ginny. Peggy had thought that Drea’s heart had been too broken to ever get another pet following the escape of the demon Lula-Cat, with her vicious clawing of anyone who crossed her, which she considered everyone but Drea, and the deep-throated Tallulah Bankhead meow which had been the basis for her name. Apparently she’d been wrong. The four that live in the house in the Boston suburbs are much friendlier and better behaved, but Peggy still shudders thinking of all the fur.

“What names do you like?” she asks Drea, just the faintest push.

For a moment, Drea doesn’t say anything. Then: “I like Casey,” she says hesitantly. “And Cameron. We could use Cam as a nickname, maybe.”

“A name a person can take anywhere,” says Peggy with assurance. The grandfather clock in the hall strikes the hour.

“God, things are probably moving along there,” Drea says. “Even if we leave right now, it’ll be three hours or more before we can get there and—Oh, here’s Jackson.” There’s the muddled sound of conversation in the background, then Drea saying, faintly, “No, Jacks, I don’t...You don’t have to, J, I promise, I’m fine,” before she holds the phone directly by her mouth again. “Jackson’s making me hot chocolate for the drive,” she tells her mother shyly.

Peggy thinks of her son-in-law, tall and bony and soft-voiced, Texan as his preferred cowboy boots, a man who can rewire an outlet in a flat minute and sets aside money from each check to buy books. “Good,” she tells Drea. “Tell him to add some extra chocolate from me.”

When they’ve hung up, after more reassuring words from Peggy and a promise to call when they know anything else, Peggy goes back upstairs and climbs back into bed with Steve. He stirs just a bit, puts an arm around her.

“We’re going to be grandparents again,” she tells him quietly, the eagerness she couldn’t allow earlier sprouting between her words. “Maybe even by the time you wake up.”

Despite the silver sneaking into the strands of his hair, those still-broad shoulders, when she gazes at his face, she can see the boy she met all those years ago, gentle and overlooked, fierce in righteousness; he still lies at the core of her husband all this time later, the way she knew even then he would.

She thinks of the girl she was, long decades ago, older than her years with responsibility over life and death and no idea of the things the future would bring her.

The pain and the promise of it all, my dear, Peggy thinks with solemn fondness, all still before you. And she tucks herself more tightly beneath Steve’s arm and thinks of all that still lies before her and them and those they love.

More chapters here

[floatingpetals]

What Have I Done? || Ch. 11

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: angst, super possessive Bucky, gets pretty dark

Word Count: 1800+

Summary: A bad break up between Bucky and his ex leads to a new friendship with the quiet tech he never had the chance to get to know. Relationships grow, feelings are caught, and boundaries are explored. Bucky thought he found his happy ending, but old memories haunt his future. He knows what he’s doing wrong, dangerous even, but he can’t help it. Can he fix the wrongs he’s done? -a requested story for @iheartsebastianstan

A/N: Aight, so this was actually going to be one long chapter to finish, however as I was writing it, I realized too much is happening and I didn’t want to overwhelm anyone. So I cut it and there’s going to be one last chapter after this before the epilogue. Another note, this could have some sensitive topics that some people might not like, but it’s nothing too awful? I don’t know, just read with a little caution cause it does get heavy in some part and probably a little ooc(?). Beyond that, I hope you all enjoy! Hopefully 😆

Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Series Masterlist

“Steve?” Y/N croaked, hesitantly knocking on Steve’s bedroom door. Her throat burned and the tears flowed hotly down her cheeks as she frantically looked over her shoulder. She didn’t know who else to go to, who would know what to do. The sound of her heart pounding in her head drowned out the panic that gripped her heart, but only for so long. She was brought back to the sound of him moving around the room, Steve’s footsteps were heavy and swift before the door swung open.

Concern clouded Steve’s face at the sight of Y/N standing in front of him, with her arms wrapped around her waist and tears staining her cheeks. With a quick look down both sides of the hall, Steve dragged her inside the room and locked the door behind them. He ushered her to the edge of his bed and went to grab a box of tissues. Y/N sniffled a soft thanks and dabbed her cheeks.

“What happened?” Steve asked warily, grabbing his chair desk to sit in front of her. Y/N struggled to answer, the whole reason for her being here was still fresh and raw. It was still jarring how much he changed, how dangerous he had become. He wasn’t the same Bucky she first fell in love with.

“I- I don’t know.” Y/N held in a sob, her chin quivering as the emotions came rushing back to the surface. “Somethings wrong with Bucky. I- I don’t know what happened.”

Steve’s back straightened at the mention of his friend. He had noticed the change in Bucky when it came to Y/N, both the good but sadly the bad. Recently, he was akin to a wild animal that was incredibly possessive of its territory. It had only been about two weeks since the incident in the gym and Bucky seemed to have progressively grown worse.

“What happened Y/N?” Steve pressed, needed to understand what caused her tears. She clenched her eyes shut and took in a shuddering breath.

“It was in the lab. I went to go talk with Tony and one of the lab assistants needed help with something. I didn’t think anything of it and went to help. I-Nothing happened.” Y/N whispered, trembling when the sound of Bucky snarl repeated in her mind. “He was so angry. He just started threatening Rob, told him to that I was his a-and that he’d snap his neck if he-.”

A sob tore from her lips and her hand flew up to cover her mouth. Steve inhaled sharply and pushed off the chair to sit beside Y/N and wrap his arms around her shoulder. He leaned her against his chest, tightening his hold while she sobbed into his chest. He murmured soft words of reassurance to Y/N while he was trying to imagine what could have possibly pushed Bucky over the edge like this. It was so unlike him to act this remarkably out of character.

“That’s okay. You don’t have to say anything else. I’m so sorry,” He whispered, hopelessly watching as Y/N broke down in his arms.

He had no idea where this was coming from, what could have possibly set his best friend off like this. This wasn’t a one-time occurrence; he had seen his fair share of Bucky practically baring his teeth at anyone who dared to get too close. A dangerous look would pass over his face if they ignored his warnings, his steely eyes watching the person leave as he if was considering ways to tear them to pieces for defying him. It had even gotten to the point where the rest of the team was walking on eggshells around Bucky and Y/N, wary about setting him off. Steve had kept a close eye on him, hoping it was just a momentary lapse in behavior and it would straighten out eventually once he realized Y/N was there to stay. Clearly, this was much bigger than Steve could ever imagine, and it wouldn’t simply change overnight.

Y/N tried to calm her sobs and trembling but now that she was able to let everything the past few weeks out. She kept it all bottled up inside, worried that maybe she was doing something wrong to cause him to act like this. Today was the breaking point. Seeing his lips twist into a savage snarl as he stood over Rob as he cowered made her blood run cold. The sight of the ferocity and murder hardening his eyes made all the hairs on her arms and back of her neck stand on end. Combined with his feral hiss as he jammed his metal finger against Rob’s chest and threatened him harm if he came near Y/N again, it was too upsetting. She had to run and find someplace to hide from his threatening form. 

“Breath,” Steve urged gently. He passed another tissue and helped her sit back. Y/N nodded sharply, blowing her nose in the tissue and grabbed another to wipe up the tears. She hated how weak she felt, how this had brought out the scared little girl inside her.

She still couldn’t believe it. This was Bucky, her Bucky. The same man she cradled when his heart was shattered and stomped on. The same man who would hold her so tenderly and whisper soft sweet nothings in her ears in the early morning before the busy day. He was so sweet and caring, even with all the pain he had endured he still managed to be incredibly gentle with her. She had his heart and he had hers. Or so she believed. How did things become so twisted and backward?

“What do I do, Steve?” Y/N croaked, her sobs dwindling down to broken whimpers. Steve frowned and looked at his hands. He honestly had no idea. How did one go about bringing volatile behavior to an already unpredictable person? When he or Y/N tried to explain in the past, Bucky didn’t want to hear it in the slightest. He was ready to fight and keep her all to himself. It didn’t matter who stood in his way, he would tear them apart without a moment hesitation.

“I don’t know,” He sighed sadly. “I honestly don’t know. This isn’t like him though. I’ve never seen him so angry and possessive. It’s almost like…”

He trailed off, realization slowly dawning on him and he inhaled sharply.

“Like you’re his mission.”

Y/N froze, her eyebrows shooting up to her hairline. That couldn’t be it, could it? He wasn’t the Winter Solider. They took out the trigger words so there’d be no way for him to go back. His behavior was different. He was aware of what he was doing. He wasn’t mindlessly following orders and an empty shell.

“No, think about it.” Steve turned to face Y/N. “He’s suffered some pretty serious trauma from Vivian, it pretty much ruined him and his self-confidence. It set him back, even further than when he first came to the compound. And then you came along and helped him reset. You put him back on the right track, you helped him become more confident in himself.”

“But how does that make me his mission though?” Y/N asked skeptically.

“Because you’ve become his everything. Really, I guess you’re more like his trigger. Haven’t you noticed how he only gets that way if anyone gets too close to you? He snaps into this state where he’s ready to take anyone down, no matter what the cost is and no matter who the person is” Steve explained. “It’s like he’s letting his fear of you leaving him or someone taking you away from his control how he acts. Yes. This isn’t him being the brainwashed assassin that Hydra created. It’s more like some strange hybrid of the Solider and himself.”

“Yeah, but…” Y/N started to argue, slowly seeing how it could make a little bit of sense. The Winter Soldier was known for how calculative and methodical he could be in missions. He was a shadow, quiet and swift. No one could tell what was going through his mind at any given moment. However, he did have moments where he was ruthless and vicious, not caring if it hurt others in the process. The only difference is with Bucky now vs then, he had emotions overriding his thoughts and mind. He wasn’t blank. 

The crap Vivian pulled had pulled on him was like a vice, and he was letting his insecurities override his rationality. Even though it still didn’t totally line up, it still made sense to a degree. He was scared she would leave him, and the dormant instincts of protecting they had drilled in his head kicked in. She hadn’t realized how bad this had become and how dangerous the entire situation was. Y/N knew it was serious, but not this serious.

“Captain Rogers.” FRIDAY interrupted their epiphany, causing Y/N to nearly fly out of her skin. Steve bit the inside of his cheek and scrubbed his hand down his face.

“Yes, FRIDAY?”

“Boss needs you at the hanger. King T’challa and his sister will be here in five to speak with you both.” The AI responded. Both Y/N and Steve shot each other a confused look.

“Did he mention why they’re here?” He asked.

“No, just that they want to speak with you after they land.”

Steve inhaled deeply, clenching and unclenching his fist. Ordinarily, he wouldn’t mind such an unexpected visit from them, however, right now he didn’t want to leave Y/N alone. Not when she was hurting and needing support.

“Go ahead.” Y/N urged gently. “I’ll be okay. I probably should take a minute to wrap my brain around this alone.”

“Are you sure?” Steve turned to her and frowned. She nodded and looked down at her hands.

“I’ll be okay. Really. I just… I don’t want to go back to my room right now.” She murmured softly. Steve mulled over his options before finally giving with a heavy sigh.

“You should probably stay here. I don’t think Bucky will think to look here first, so it might be best.” He reasoned. He slowly rose and stared down at Y/N as she sniffled quietly. “I’ll make sure FRIDAY only opens for me. Try not to worry too much about everything right now. When I get back we’ll figure something out. We can’t let things keep escalating the way they are anymore though.”

Y/N agreed and nodded, reaching for the tissue box once again. Steve hesitated a moment before he walked over to his shoes to slip on.

“I shouldn’t be gone too long. I’ll tell FRIDAY to let you know if anything changes.” He said and stopped at the door. Y/N sent him a tight-lipped smile and waved her hand.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be here when you get back.”

With a sharp jerk of his chin, Steve shot her one last glance over his shoulder before he stepped out of the room and shut the door behind him. Making sure he told FRIDAY to keep his room in lockdown until he said it was clear, Steve made his way to the hanger with his stomach in knots. Both his best friend and his close friend were hurting. And he needed to figure out a way to fix this.

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[golddaggers]

come here, lover boy

pairings: thor x reader, steve x reader (tho its friendship only)

warnings: hmm, cursing and mentions of sex. but not reaaaally explict.

a/n: i wrote this after i watched dirty dancing. what? its one of my comfort movies. either way, it’s just a short, quick thing that i hope y’all enjoy (?). well. lemme know.

word count: 1,5k+

If there was anything that could tear apart his soldier focus, it was definitely the rhythmic sway of your hips, going low as they wiggled to the late seventies song. It was sexy, hypnotising even. Thor just couldn't keep his eyes away, wishing he could go up there and wrap his arms around your waist, feeling the gentle rub of your ass against his own hips as you two danced together.

Sighing, he sat back on the couch and took a sip of his bear in hopes that it would help soothe the discomfort growing within his trousers. It was taking all of his strength to not drop your mutual agreement to keep your relationship a secret from the rest of the Avengers, because all he wanted to do that very second was to feel your skin, your arms around him. And pretty honestly, your wet pussy under his fingers. He wanted to show you off.

"You should talk to her, you know," Bucky said, sitting beside him and giving a friendly pat on Thor's shoulder. "She doesn't bite."

"Oh, but she does." The thunder god mumbles under his breath, smirking upon remembering the events from the night before.

"What?"

"Nothing. You're right, I should talk to her." There's a heaviness in his words, suddenly doubting why you should keep your love a secret. There were good points when you talked about it, though he could only really focus on the tight bra pushing up your breasts in a way that it was not fair. "Is she with someone, though?"

"Hmm, I mean, I don't know." He shrugs. "Maybe she's got a little thing going on with Steve, but he wouldn't tell me no matter what I did, so I can’t tell."

"Oh really?" A pang of jealousy hits him hard, gazing up to find you still dancing excitedly, the cute, tiny dress going up and down tauntingly. "What makes you think so?"

An answer wasn't necessary as a loud squeal brought the men's attention to the centre of the room, you jumping happily to the track that had just begun.

Since it was a seventies night party, all it had been playing was some old tunes you apparently love, Thor presumed. This one, however, he knew you liked quite a lot because very often he'd find you dancing to it.

"Steve!" Your voice got Thor's eyes sewed to you. "Come on, dance with me. You know this one!"

"I'm not sure, Sweetkins." The nickname makes a smile creep up in your lips, a thunder cracking in the clear sky as soon as you do so. You have learnt to ignore when that happens, every minimum disturbance on Thor's emotions can cause such things. "I can't really dance."

"Oh shut it, Stevie."

The "Love is Strange" lyrics are still playing in the background when you engulf Steve into your arms, guiding his hands dangerously low on your hips, then resting yours on his shoulders. You had on the highest heels in your wardrobe, possibly why you were able to dance nicely with him, your bodies grinding together to the sexy tune.

It was mean of you to tease him like that, to bring out the jealousy from the depths of your thunder god. In your defence, you had told him countless times Steve was just a friend you liked hanging out with, that he was nice and sweet. Plus he had his eyes on somebody else, which was exactly why you were dancing with him like that. You wanted to urge jealousy from her so she’d finally speak up about her feelings towards Steve.

“Thor is going to kill me.” He mumbles into your ear, your body being thrown back lightly only to be jerked back up. “Have you seen the way he’s looking at us?”

“Shhh.” You giggle, placing two fingers against his lips. “Only you know, Steve, plus I told him nothing is going between us. He trusts me.”

“I don’t think he trusts me, though.”

Hiding your face on the crook of his neck, you laugh again, another thunder roaring outside. You remark yourself to have a really serious conversation with him about that. The song was nearly over when you were startled by the sound of a door being slammed, so strongly you feared it'd go off of the hinges. A sigh escaped as you unwrapped your arms from your friend, whispering that you'd take care of that situation.

As you made your way into the balcony, your mind swirled around the fact if your friends suspected of your involvement with the mighty Thor, they were now sure something was going on. Not that you were embarrassed by him or anything. God, no. You wanted to rub him on each person who ever diminished you and made you feel hard to love.

Thor loved you easily, that's why you wanted to keep him as your little secret.

"Thor…" Carefully placing your hand on his middle back, you feel him tense up. "Why'd you leave like that?"

"Why do you care?"

"Oi!" It comes off louder than you expected it to be. "Don't treat me like that, mister."

"Fine. Then tell me something." Thor suddenly turns to you, eyes in a dark shade of blue, filled with resentment. "You work so hard to keep us a secret, you say that it could be dangerous for both of us, but I don't see you holding back with the Captain."

"Because everybody knows he's just my friend." A low grunt rumbles on his chest, you inch closer to him. "Are you jealous, my love?"

Dropping his shoulders in defeat, Thor gives his back to you, gazing up at the dark sky, greyish clouds gathering together once he does so. It looks like it's going to rain soon. You realise that this little stunt of yours got to him more than it should have. You hate that you made him feel insecure about your relationship, it was never really the point.

If Thor wants a dance, he’ll get a dance.

"Come here, lover boy." You mumble, mimicking the song you were dancing with Steve just a few minutes ago. He doesn't answer, he doesn't even flinch. "Oh, lover boy…"

There’s a slight change of weight between his long legs, although he’s still not looking at you. Smacking your lips, you move closer to him again, wounding your arms around his waist, your hands dipping under the loose t-shirt he was wearing, crawling up to his chest, brushing the sizzling skin. Only then you notice him relax a little, his guard still very much up.

“Baby...” Tracing up to the toned muscles on his back with your nose, you take in his inebriating smell,  clinging to the feeling of him shuddering under the palms of your hands. “My sweet baby…”

In a swift movement, so fast you can’t even tell what’s happening, Thor has you pressed against the wall, the chill temperature and the fact he’s so close to you makes it hard to breathe. Your breasts bump into his abdomen lightly, arms wrapping around his neck while he lifts you up by holding the back of your thighs, hands so large gripping the tender flesh.

A quiet moan leaves your lips, fuelling him to move his hips against yours even further.

“You’re the one.” You finish. “The only one for me, my love.”

“I cannot stay mad at you, can I, my queen?” Thor’s voice is raspy, so deep that if your core could scream, it would be doing so at full lung capacity. “Do want to leave his party?”

“I have the feeling that if we don’t, you’re just going to take me right here.” A chuckle trembles on the crook of your neck, the prickling of his beard lighting a fire within you. “And I’m really not in the mood to put up with Tony’s witty remarks about my sex life.”

“So you are no longer concerned about them knowing about us?” It shoots off mixed sensations, a wave of guilt washing over you again.

“No. I don’t care anymore.” You answer softly, cupping his cheeks. “I love you. You have no idea how much.”

“So do I, Sól mín.”

The sound of his voice when speaking in his first language send chills down your spine, so you hug him like you’re afraid to let him go or move away from you. Every moment with him is like that, an abrasive will to forever be by his side, to eat him whole and be eaten by him. It was crazy how much she needed him.

“What does that mean?”

“My sun.” He says, helping you down so you can finally leave. “That’s what you are to me.”

“The sun is actually a pretty small star.”

“Hmm, you are a pretty small star too, my queen.” Thor mocks, patting the top of your head. “But I love you nonetheless.”

“Come, otherwise we will have to put up with Tony’s jokes because I most certainly will rip your clothes off and make love to you right here.”

He laughs, guiding you out through the people and towards the exit of the building. The eyes of all of your friends never leave the two of you, but, at that moment, you’re happy and nothing else matters.

tags!

marvel: @frenfics

thor: @lancsnerd @odinson-barnes

[oneshotstomyheart]

Double the fight, Double the anger - Part 3/3

Stucky x reader

Warnings; major fluff ahead, some angst, comfort

“I’m coming home.” Y/N spoke into the phone, standing up from the couch only to immediately feel the ground shift beneath her. Y/N fell back on the couch, feeling a wave of nausea when pictures started falling off the walls and the sound of glass shattering surrounded her. Coming to the realization, Y/N faintly heard Bucky’s voice, “Y/N?!” before static erupted through the phone. Tightening her grip, she stood in shock before rushing to get out of the middle of the living room. Bringing the phone back up to her ear, Y/N heard Steve’s voice coming through the static questioning where she was. “Steve I’m at Natasha’s!” Receiving only a dial tone in response, and knowing it was no use trying to call back, she threw the phone to the side while standing in the door of the hallway. “Nat!”, she screamed again, wondering how crazy she would seem if she ran all the way to the other side of the apartment to Natasha’s room. 

“Y/N! Are you alright?!”, she heard a voice yell from rooms away. Y/N felt her shoulders sag in relief, though it was short-lived by the building starting to crumble. 

“The building is going down, we have to get out!” Y/N shouted, feeling fear creep up her neck like a snake, wrapping around her throat and shortening her breath. 

Hearing a deep crack, Y/N slowly turned back to the living room. As if time was frozen, Y/N watched as the carpet started to open up. It was like the gates of hell were right at her feet. Suddenly, the room was at a tilt and Y/N was hanging for dear life from the doorway of the now split in half apartment. She felt the water from the drain pipes being sprayed onto her and looked down to see her shoe fall into the cracks of rubble down below. 

“Y/N!” Nat screamed, being on the more upright side of the apartment. While still at a tilt, Nat held on as she scaled the walls. 

Y/N felt her heart in her throat when her grip on the doorway starting to slip, a scream slipping through her lips. Digging her fingernails in the wood and scratching to hold on, blood started pouring down her hands. “NATASHA!”, tears of fear slipped down her face as she screamed. She could fight evil men, but not mother nature. And right now, mother nature was kicking her ass. 

Natasha tried to move toward where she saw Y/N hanging but had nothing to hold onto or use to pull them back up. “I’ll be right back, just hold on!” Moving as fast as she could, she went toward the utility room. Only seeing an old rope, Natasha tied it around her waist to carry out. 

“Y/N?! I’m here! I’m sending down this rope, okay? Grab it and I’ll pull you up!” Nat screamed, faintly hearing a form of agreement back before looking around to see what she could tie it to. Knowing tying it to herself was too risky for both of them, she tied it to the wooden pillar and tossed it down below. “Grab it!” she yelled out.  

Seeing the rope fall just above her face, Y/N pried one of her bloody hands off the wood and made a grab at the rope. Missing the first couple of times, she finally got a good enough grip to pull herself up and grab it with her other hand. Finding solace at the moment, it was short-lived as she heard the worst sound possible. [SNAP]

Looking up in horror at Natasha, Y/N knew exactly what was about to happen. “NO!” Natasha roared, reaching out too late as the rope snapped in half, breaking off and sending the other agent down below. 

+++++++

Dead. 

She should be dead. She felt the wind in her hair and face as she fell, yet never the impact of the ground. 

Opening her eyes, Y/N looked down to see the huge pile of mass destruction below her. Feeling the pressure on her wrist, Y/N looked up to see a face she never thought she’d see again. 

“I got you, Honey,” Steve said, looking deep into her shocked eyes with his relief filled ones.

As she dangled in the air, she looked up past Steve to see Bucky holding onto a pipe while simultaneously keeping ahold of Steve’s other arm. It was like the barrel of monkeys game, each of them having a grip on the other while hanging. It would be amusing if it was any other situation. 

Hearing someone shout her name from above, Y/N stretched her neck to see Natasha peering down from what’s left of her apartment. Apparently, she had fallen at least a few stories before they caught her. Seeing a rare smile grace her friend’s face, Natasha yelled, “Don’t move! I’ll be right down!”

“Like we have a choice!” Bucky yelled back, trying not to move and risk the loves of his life falling because of his grip on a weak pipe. Snorting out a laugh, Y/N spoke to her dark long-haired soldier, “Hey! Watch your tone, that’s my best friend!” After watching Bucky attempt a smile at her horribly ill-timed joke, Y/N turned her eyes to Steve. 

Steve, who hadn’t taken his eyes off her since they saw her falling, decided this would be the best and worst time for his apology. However, it seemed Y/N had Wanda’s ability to read minds at the moment because she quickly snapped at him, “Steven Grant I know that look. And I swear to Thor that if you even think of using RIGHT NOW as a time to talk I will shove my foot SO far up your ass!” 

“LANGUAGE!” Snapping his head away from Y/N, Steve glared at the redhead who decided to grace their presence with her jokes. Letting out a laugh at the look, Natasha quickly got to work tethering a hook to the wall and helping Bucky pull the pair up. 

“Don’t think I’ve already forgotten that you’ve been hiding her here the whole time Romanoff!” Steve yelled back, causing the famous Natasha smirk in return. 

++++ 1 WEEK LATER ++++

As it turns out, there was a ton of work cut out for the Avengers after the natural disaster. Enough that Steve, Bucky, and Y/N were all separated when assigned to their duties. Having learned enough from the last time, neither soldier said a word of protest when Y/N, still bloody and covered in debris, climbed on the jet to her stationed assignment in the city. 

With everything happening so fast, not one of the trio could get a word in about making amends. Y/N simply hugged them both before taking off, and that seemed to be that.  

Now a week later, they were all released to go home. And Y/N was conflicted. Not in the going home part, but in the totally forgiven because they saved her or not part. She was completely over feeling hurt and angry at them, but there was still the insecure part of her that felt betrayed. Something she knew they would have to talk about if they were going to move past it all. 

Making her way into their apartment, already fixed thanks to Tony, Y/N immediately went for her hidden stash in the kitchen. Knowing she might actually kill one of them if her stash was empty, Y/N sighed in relief as she saw the package of newly bought unopened cookies. 

Ripping them open, she never even got the chance to grab one before she was airborne. Grabbing onto the arms that were suddenly wrapped around her waist, she immediately recognized the embrace and relaxed into it. Hearing Bucky mumble words where his face was pressed into the back of her neck, she let out a small laugh, “Put me down you goof!” Slowly being put back onto her feet, Y/N spun around only to be engulfed again. This time she smiled while wrapping her arms around his neck, one hand going up to play with his hair. 

Letting out a sigh, Bucky repeated his words. “I missed you so much.”, he spoke softly, holding her firmly to him as if she would evaporate into thin air. 

Leaning as far back as she could, which wasn’t much considering she was practically molded to him, Y/N looked into his eyes, “I missed you, my love.” Softly kissing his lips, she smiled at him before stepping out of his hold. Bucky released his grip but quickly wrapped his arm around her waist, not wanting to give up her touch so soon. 

As Bucky buried his face in her hair, Y/N noticed Steve standing across the kitchen, leaning against the door. With only a kitchen island separating them, Steve stood with his hands in his pockets and looked at her with a mix of guilt and hope in his eyes. ‘He really does look like a kicked puppy,’ she thought. Telling herself it’s better to get this over with now, she spoke firmly, “Let’s talk.”

Feeling Bucky tense up and tighten his arm around her, she led them to the living room couch. 

“Sit down. I need to get a few things off my chest and I just need you to listen right now,” she started, standing in the middle of the room looking like she was about to speak at a wake. 

Clasping her hands together in front of her, she stood as straight as she could before neutralizing her face, “This isn’t easy for me, and I know you both want to apologize and explain but I need to say this otherwise it will never be said. You two will NEVER do what you did to me again. I was my own person before I met both of you, and I will continue to be my own person for the rest of my life, regardless of if you the two of you are in it or not. I make my own decisions and life choices, neither of you have the right to do so. Saying it was only to protect me was very noble, but very stupid. I have been an agent long before Steve was even brought out of the ice. I know what I am doing and if either of you have a problem with that then I will leave. For good this time. You two mean everything to me,” Y/N broke off, voice cracking softly before she cleared her throat and started back strongly, “But my independence is something I hold very dear. As well as my trust. And both were broken by the two of you. I have been mistreated my whole life by men who thought they were better than me, I stopped taking that shit a long time ago. Don’t think for a second that my love for you excuses you to treat me the same way as all those men before.” Y/N finished, switching eye contact between the two men on the couch who both had their heads slightly bowed in shame.

“I want to thank both of you as well.” Y/N fought to contain a smile when they’re heads snapped up to look at her, eyes widening in confusion. “I realize it completely goes against everything I just said, but I am grateful the two of you were there to catch me last week. So thank you.” She smiled at them before narrowing her eyes, “However, don’t mistake that as a damsel in distress moment. I am perfectly capable of saving myself, that only proved that we work better as a team than working alone if anything.” 

Letting her words sink in, Y/N relaxed her form. Feeling the anxiety lift off her chest, she took a seat on the coffee table in front of her soldiers. Bucky took the chance of the closer proximity to grab her left hand with both of his, rubbing the back of it softly. She squeezed it in reassurance before glancing at the one person who had yet to speak. 

Knowing it was usually her and Steve who went head to head in previous arguments, Y/N mentally prepared herself for his stubborn nature to prove himself right. However, that never came. Instead, she watched as her strong blonde soldier knelt to the ground, burying his face in her lap while wrapping one arm around her waist. 

Locking her shocked eyes on Bucky, she only saw understanding in his. Removing one of his hands from hers he placed it on Steve’s back, rubbing it in circles to comfort him. 

Placing her free hand on Steve’s head, she started running her fingers through his hair. Hoping it would give him the comfort it usually does. After a few minutes of complete silence, Steve lifted his head and spoke softly, “You’re right. You trusted us and we took that trust and destroyed it. We betrayed you, and that’s something I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. But if you forgive us, I promise, no no I swear that I will spend the next 100 years making up for it. All I know is I never want to live without either one of you ever again. I’m so sorry baby.” Y/N let out a breath, looking into his genuine eyes. Leaning down, she pressed a kiss to his lips, signaling her forgiveness before looking expectantly, and somewhat jokingly, at Bucky. Tilting her head, she watched as he started fidgeting nervously under her stare. 

Knowing he went through enough the past few weeks with his nightmares, she cut him off when he started to speak. “Doll, I’m so sorr-” 

“I know.” she smiled at him. “I’ll take that offer on both of you making it up to me very soon, don’t worry.” She winked at him, watching a grin spread across his face. Grabbing her waist and pulling her from Steve’s grip, Bucky lightly threw her on the couch and curled up into her side. Steve threw a blanket over the three of them, then leaned down and gave Y/N a passionate kiss before placing a quick affectionate one on Bucky’s forehead and laying his head on Y/N’s shoulder. 

“I missed this” Bucky muttered, reaching across Y/N’s stomach to hold Steve’s hand. Laying her head on top of Steve’s, Y/N started running her hand through Bucky’s hair. Frowning to herself, she interrupted the moment to sarcastically say, 

“Completely off-topic, when was the last time either of you had a shower?” 

+++++++

Ahhh!! I am SO sorry this part took so long! I started clinic and could barely find the time!! Anyways this is it! Please tell me what you think and feel free to request anything with anyone! I have my schedule sorted out now so I will have more free time on my hands! 

Also so grateful for all the attention the last two parts received, I was so nervous I wasn’t going to be able to make this one live up to them! Hopefully, it does! Love you guys!

P.S. I just want to point out something I did not mention in the first two parts. Natasha does not live far from Steve, hence how they both got to her place so quick. I didn’t realize it until after I was done with the whole thing that I did not talk about that anywhere, so please don’t hate me for the error. :) 

[princesssarisa]

Frozen II  – my thoughts on Elsa’s outcome (warning – long and full of spoilers)

At this point, my only real objection to the ending is the fact that separation endings have been way, way overdone in the past year. If Ralph Breaks the Internet, Toy Story 4, How to Train Your Dragon 3, Maleficent: Mistress of Evil, Steve’s outcome in Avengers: Endgame, and the finale of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic didn’t exist, my feelings would be almost fully positive. Especially because Elsa and Anna will still see each other all the time, they just don’t live under the same roof anymore.

I also have a minor quibble about the idea that growing up means you “need” to live apart from your siblings or extended family (not that the movie ever says that, it’s just a cultural norm). And when I read comments from fans saying “Yes, it’s slightly bittersweet, but that’s realistic, it’s a mature ending,” I feel a little sad that not even Disney is letting kids believe in happily ever after anymore. This applies to the whole separation/bittersweet ending trend throughout the past year’s family media. Again, these are minor issues.

But as a person on the autism spectrum who, like so many, feels a connection to Elsa, I love the way things turn out for her.

First of all, there’s the fact that for all of Elsa’s popularity, the protagonist of the original Frozen is Anna, and Elsa, though certainly not the villain, is, in terms of story structure, the main antagonist. Throughout most of the first film, her powers are a deadly force to be overcome – the endless winter must be stopped and Anna’s frozen heart must be thawed. Yes, the beauty of her powers is also highlighted and she fully realizes and shares that beauty in the end, but for the most part her magic is still a negative presence in the story. There’s a reason why so many viewers see it as analogous to a mental disorder.

Also, as many have pointed out, “Let It Go” has a bit of a Misaimed Fandom. Meta joke about how overplayed it is aside, it’s no wonder that in the sequel Elsa cringes at the memory of herself singing it. Yes, it’s an empowering anthem and it’s a good thing that she finally stops suppressing her powers, but it’s a bad thing that she turns her back on her people, her responsibilities and her sister, and while she’s reveling in her new freedom, she’s unwittingly burying Arendelle in snow. In the end she has to go back and give up some of that freedom, and even though she’s happy, it can still ring bittersweet to those of us who connect with the song.

The analogy is imperfect, but I do think of how my own situation with mild autism compares to Elsa’s. My huge emotions, panic attacks and ferocious meltdowns, so hard to control (see the Intense World Theory), and my difficulty with social interactions and playing by society’s rules in general. The concept of a person born with destructive magical powers tied to her emotions is an apt analogy. Her years behind closed doors bring to mind my own introversion and social anxiety. I hear “Conceal, don’t feel” and think of all times I’ve been instructed or scolded to keep my unruly emotions and odd instincts under control. Like Elsa’s powers, my autism has some beauty in it too: my intelligence, creativity, good memory, etc. But it’s still a disorder that society isn’t built for, and generally it’s something I need to mask around others. Also like Elsa, I’ve struggled with guilt and with feeling like a burden to my family. I know I’m not alone in relating to her for these reasons.

So imagine my vicarious thrill over “Show Yourself.” When Elsa finally learns the origin of her powers and learns that she was born that way for a reason – that it isn’t a curse, or just a random difference, but a gift. When she steps fully into her power for the first time, and unlike in “Let It Go,” it’s unambiguously a wonderful thing, both for her and for others. When she finally fully embraces self-love, realizing that everything she thought she needed from the outside is already within her (“You are the one you’ve been waiting for”) and that it’s time to fully show herself to the world. When she goes on to truly “see what she can do” and “test the limits and break through,” as she once sang, but this time in a heroic way, saving her people from her grandfather’s past sins – not from her own mistakes for a change. The moment I first learned about the plot point of the dam and the tidal wave that would destroy Arendelle if it fell, I was thrilled by the thought of Elsa using her powers to stop that tidal wave. The character whom we misfits relate to thoroughly leaves behind her old “sympathetic antagonist” territory and becomes a true heroine, taking her raw power that once endangered the kingdom and using it to save it.

(This is another reason why I don’t believe the rumors that she was originally supposed to stay frozen and that her revival is a Focus Group Ending. In the first place, what would be the point of her glorious self-actualization if it were only leading to her death? In the second place, who would stop the flood?)

I’d love to have the kind of experience she does. I wish I could learn that everything “disordered” about me is actually a gift and that fully being myself will bring good things both to me and to others. Maybe someday this will happen, but I don’t see it happening any time soon, so to see it happen to Elsa is incredibly therapeutic.

Then we have her becoming the forest’s guardian in the end. At first the idea made me uncomfortable because I thought it might seem to say that people who are different belong outside of human society. But the fact that she still regularly visits Arendelle and evidently stays close to the Northuldra too puts that concern at ease. I also understand why some people who relate to her are upset that she gives up her throne, because it was therapeutic to see someone so different and insecure not only find love and acceptance, but be able to rule a kingdom too. I agree that if she had wanted to stay queen forever, that would have been perfectly fine. But I think it’s perfectly reasonable that in the end it’s not what she wants.

Isn’t it arguably a bit of a waste for Elsa’s epic powers, which can alter landscapes, build castles, create life or take it, etc., to be confined to making pretty decorations and skating rinks? Isn’t it reasonable that after her self-actualization, she prefers a life’s purpose where her powers are central, since they’ve always been her chief defining feature and shaped most of who she is? As opposed to the life of a queen, where they’re only incidental? I can’t help but remember how much I struggled in school, from first grade through the first two years of college, when my hyper-focused passions for the arts, music and stories (the hyper-focus being an autistic trait, the passions being tied to the hyper-emotional sensitivity I’ve mentioned) had to be treated as just “what I do for fun in my spare time,” while math (UGH!!!), science, and other things i had no interest in and no talent for were treated as my life’s purpose. I also think of all the people in mundane corporate and blue-collar jobs, which I’m grateful every day that I’ve been lucky enough to avoid so far. If they were to find new jobs that reflect their greatest talents and unlock their full potential, wouldn’t we want them to take those new jobs? This is why I’m happy that Elsa’s new life purpose revolves around nature and magic.

Yes, I’ve read the complaints from some fans that Elsa has “lost some of her humanity,” and that’s fair. But let’s not be too quick to equate “humanity” with normality and “inhumanity” with difference. even if said difference is supernatural magic. Another reason why I like Elsa’s outcome is that Disney hasn’t always had the best track record with misfit characters who remind me of myself. I love Beauty and the Beast, especially from a feminist viewpoint, but when I see myself in the Beast, I sometimes feel awkward about his arc. I know they probably didn’t mean to code him as autistic, but still – a misunderstood loner outcast, to whom neatness, grooming and manners don’t come naturally, who struggles with the most basic social skills, who fails to understand others’ emotions at first, and who has massive meltdowns of rage when he’s under stress? How can I not see it? The fact that his journey consists of his being “tamed,” learning to suppress all his raw emotions and rough edges to please Belle, and that his happy ending is to become fully normal by becoming human again, doesn’t make him much fun to relate to. Give me a character like Elsa, who learns that her differences are her strength.

Elsa’s ending is just what I wanted for her, because it’s what I want for myself. Identifying with her is a more enjoyable thing than ever now.

[redskull-fanatic]

Reasons to Love the Red Skull

Now, I know what you're thinking. I know all of it. All the reasons you hate him, all the justifications, all the go to sayings that make you say "Fuck the Red Skull." However, I'm here to celebrate this character.

I am a woman who loves villains. Villains are my passion and pride, and honestly Red Skull is just the best villain I've ever had the pleasure to stumble across. Many call him a Nazi, an asshole, and such. I, however, am here to put a different prospective on the character. Why those who love the Red Skull do, and why in such a horrible, nasty man, we find joy in him.

Feel free to disagree, to scream and call me names. I honestly don't mind. I'm just trying to tell others why I adore the Red Skull, and why he's my favorite marvel character in history. Bring him in a light that many won't consider.

Btw, I also love Steve Rogers so that should give me some credit, right?

Appearance. Now, I don't remember how exactly I saw The Red Skull, but when I did, I fell in love with his appearance. I really like skulls and skeletons, so his face was already beautiful to me. His whole dictator look is also very nice, and skeletons mixed in with the army is my favorite aesthetic. Red and dark greys also look nice together(I'm an artist so I love color schemes), and I love how he and the captain reflect history! I'm a big history nerd and World War Two is fascinating to learn about. Skull just makes it a lot more fun, just to see him with something from the 40s. Plus, he does bring awareness to the holocaust. Keeps it fresh in people's minds so we don't forget.

Obsession with Power. Skull is basically the definition of "Dictator." He strikes fear into his Hydra army, has a fucking cool symbol for his empire(don't know why it's a fucking octopus if its for an empire called Hydra, but okay Skull), got a salute and everything. However, a big trait about this character is power hungry. We all know he joins the Nazi army, but why? Well, I'm new to Marvel and going off a fandom wiki so cut me slack He met Hitler and talked about his theories of myths being science. Adolf was intrigued, wanted to learn more, and Heinrich Himmler recruited him into the SS. He had his fun there, until eventually.. His views started to change. He believed he was rightfully the superior race, he used any means necessary to obtain a central position in the army. That was, until the serum in his veins made him believe he was greater than Hitler and started to plan to overthrow him. Schmidt doesn't believe Germans are the master race, but rather the superior man has yet to be made. He never personally cared to follow the slaughter of Jews, he was too busy hell bent on overthrowing the entire Nazi party and reforming them into hydra. He used the Nazis from the very beginning, he used them for their resources and getting his name out there. That sir, is top tier villainy.

Attitude. His attitude is the best, to be completely honest. He's determined to get what he wants, he's resourceful, and doesn't take no for an answer. This man takes risks, when he first got the tesseract, he ignored safety, shoved Zola out of the way, and went straight for the controls. And the transfer succeeded. He easily kills off his enemies and adapts quickly to situations. As soon as the Americans out matched Hydra's forces, he simply blew up the fucking place without a care in the world. How much he doesn't care is hilarious. He always looks disappointed and unamused, so whenever he smiles it's the best thing ever. Skull speaks super matter-of-factly, and has the best lines: "I am surrounded by incompetents!" "I would curb that sharp tongue of yours, Taskmaster. Lest it cuts your throat." "And here I wanted to watch Captain America's will bend like a weed beneath my boot... No matter." "You are failing! We are close to an offensive network that will shake the planet. And yet, we are continually delayed, because you cannot outwit a simpleton with a shield!" I mean, these lines are hilarious and great, don't lie. Also, the scene where Zola and him talk about the finding out of Erskine's whereabouts is hilariously awkward. "Shall I give the order?" "... It has been given." "... Good-" I mean, that scene cracks me up. Mix that with the fact Skull was standing there for a portrait and was blasting Opera just makes it more hilariously amusing.

Obsessive in Nature. This guy.. is obsessive. Very obsessive. In my most favorite Marvel movie of all time, he's borderline obsessed with Captain America. He has a need to control him, make him Captain Hydra and be his second in command. I love obsessive villains, and Schmidt honestly fits the criteria. He's been obsessed with the tesseract for awhile, is currently crazy over taking over the world, what's not to say he gets obsessed with the captain? The two are similar enough(one parent dies when they're at a young age, both being an in orphanage, both getting bullied, beat up, and yelled at, both becoming super soldiers, and both becoming icons and symbols in the eyes of the public) so what's not to say Skull gets a little possessive over his enemy? Researches in such depth to learn how to control him, own him, kill him, which ever you prefer. All I know is, Skull is one big control freak, and I love him. He has such a need to be in control that he goes to extreme lengths to make sure all the power belongs to him. What a determined little man.

His Name. Johann Schmidt legit translates to John Smith. That is hilarious to me. It's so generic, like Steve Rogers.

Intelligence. This man is fucking smart, and I love it. He has plan after plan after plan. He has such detailed plans that it's ridiculous. Whenever he is about to act on the plan, he has the pause and explain the whole damn thing. He's so proud of him accomplishments, he has to fucking rant about them to further show off his superior intelligence. He goes to such lengths to accomplish his goals, that I'm surprised he doesn't get a headache with all that over planning. He even has to plan on unpredictable actions to surprise Steve. This man is plan crazy. He's so smart that he sets everyone up as pawns, and lets people do the mundane stuff so he has more time to plan. Anyway, this man.. He's so smart. He immediately knew the tesseract decoy was fake, he's able to see beyond appearances and managed to see the truth behind myths. He created a fucking ray that disintegrated people. He easily cut ties with the Nazi army, and always managed to stay a few steps ahead of the Americans. This man is a genius, you can't deny it.

Subtle Weaknesses. His main two weaknesses are: his temper and his slight insecurity of his face. He gets livid if you use "Red Skull" as an insult, and point out the deformity of his face. Expressing dislike over it is simply a death wish, and honestly I find it endearing he's insecure about it. Another thing is, his temper. He gets so mad, so mad over nothing. The slightest thing can make him go from his usual, calm and unimpressed nature to a fucking angry monster who smashes the window in. It's hilarious how mad he can get, and watching him try to control his anger is the cutest thing to me. He's trying so hard! ;w;

View on Magic. His belief magic is a science is super interesting to me! He even makes his belief a reality, and that's so satisfying!! He even researches mythology, and I love mythology! He proves people idiotic by showing them how real his theory is, and it's perfect. Johann blasting those fuckers calling him mad was one of the most satisfying scenes in the Captain America: The First Avenger.

His Personal Tastes. He likes the finer things in life. He listens to Opera, has a sweet fucking car, did you see how nice the Valkyrie was? Plus, he was getting a portrait done! Pretty sure he was drinking some sort of wine in the movie too. This man has wonderful tastes, and honestly makes his character even better to me.

Subtle Actions. He has some subtle acts of kindness, to me at least. In Captain America: The First Avenger, he was very calm with Zola and didn't really raise his voice with him. Schmidt is honestly very polite at times!! He even tried to be friendly with his first meetings with Captain America, expressing a liking towards his films and trying to understand what "made the captain special." Sounded like he just wanted a genuine conversation, or something of that nature.

Dialogue. Did I forget to mention how great is dialogue is? His taunts with Captain America are so funny and cute at times, like legit they go back and forth: "Don't be a fool, Skull. You can't control that thing! It'll bring the whole mountain down!" "Yes... On you." "You just don't give up, do you?" "Nope!" "It's time to stop playing army, Skull." "You have yet to see my army! Or should I say.. Our army." Like, these two dorks. Their taunts are the best.

He's an asshole. I know he's a dick, but it's funny as hell. He's like an ex, arrogant and bitter. Such a show off too. He's a wonderful villain.

His past doesn't affect him. So far, his past never seems to pull any strings at his heart. That's interesting. He went through such a traumatic series of events(his mom died during birth, his dad tried to kill him, his dad abusing him, trying to kill him again, then eventually committing suicide. Schmidt then was sent off to an orphanage where he was abused and beaten, he ran away at the age of 7, resorted to stealing, was taken in by the same doctor who delivered him, and ended up killing a woman.) He seems to have moved on from his past, or at least bottles it up. It's interesting..

He was inspired by a cherry. I'm not making this up, Joe Simon saw a cherry on his sundae and was like: "... That looks like a skull-" and the rest is history.

Vormir sort of mellows him out. He's very calm, distant, and legit doesn't give a shit on Vormir. I hope his old spirit comes back, but this stone keeper Skull is pretty funny and sort of tragic. I like him lots. ♡

He was created alongside Captain America. These two have been together for years. Fighting each other time and time again, and I only wish to see it continue. Sure, I prefer the more goofy side of heroes and villains. The two having stupid taunts, yet entertaining adventures.

Now, I doubt that is all the reasons I love Johann Schmidt. However, I only summarized all I can think of. I hope my fellow Red Skull fans would come out of hiding and express their love for this character. He's one of the best villains I've ever seen. I can go on and on about how much I adore this character, but I'll stop here. If anyone wants to see my favorite adaptation of Schmidt, and my favorite Marvel movie, feel free to check out Iron Man and Captain America: Heroes United. Its on Netflix. All you Red Skull × Captain America fans will get a big kick out of it, and it's a universe I like. It's more goofy, it's animated in a beautiful style, and so much love was put into it. Came out in 2014!!

Anyway, hope I opened your eyes to a few reasons why this character is great. He's determined, hard working, intelligent, spiteful, and overall so much fun to watch on the big screen! His lines are funny, his personality is interestingly layered, and he's such a great character! A part of me wants to see him succeed, since he's done so much! I'm a loyal villain fan, I'm sorry xD

In villains, we get guilty pleasures from them. I love how powerful Skull is, and his determination is admirable. He's doing a bad thing, but he's doing to super well! If you love villains, I hope you get my point! I also like the subtle things in Skull that make him human, his love for Opera, his fascination with Mythology, his politeness, it's all so charming for a villain fan!!

I don't see many Red Skull fans speak out, so I'm glad to do it! Just a friendly Red Skull fan who wants to appreciate my boy. I'm acting like a proud mom, but I do hope he gets further attention, it's been far too long.

Thanks for reading, Hail the Red Skull. ♡

[foreverbeingthunderbuddy]

In My Blood [song fic|one shot]

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Warnings: Angst, little bit of fluff, cute father-daughter relationship – but, my dudes…

Request: “Could you do a song fic for “in my blood” by Shawn mendes for peter parker x stark!reader?” by anonymous – I won’t use every line of the song obvs. (My first request as a writer y’all!!)

Summary: In which Tony Stark and his daughter have a deal to never close each other out, promising one another they will always be there for each other, until one day he can’t and Peter can. (gif credit to the owner!)

Masterlist

Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in,

Sometimes I feel like giving up.

“You are a Stark. We don’t give up.” He resolutely looks into your eyes while one of his hands softly brushes over your hair and comes to rest on your cheek that is wet of tears. “That’s our thing, little one, we don’t give up. And you won’t either.”

You stare at his face that you have known your whole life. That face that holds more wisdom and kindness than anyone you have ever met. His eyes know a way of calming you and his smile always welcomes you home, no matter how far away you actually are from the Tower.

“I don’t know” You say helplessly, your eyes filling with tears again. He presses a light kiss onto your little forehead and lays both of his hands around your face.

“You won’t. I know it. You can do it, I just know it” He says, a smile tugging at his lips. “Just imagine the look on Happy’s face when he sees how fearlessly you take that stage, the guy saw you crying but he won’t see you giving up. Show him what a Stark can do, little one.”

You smile at the thought of Happy’s baffled face when he sees you up there, going onto the stage, radiating self-confidence and giving the audience your best smile. He thinks he knows you, just because he was there since you have been born but you are almost eight now! That was a long time ago. He thinks he knows you well enough and he probably expects you to surrender…

But I just can’t,

It isn’t in my blood.

Oh, what fun it would be to prove him wrong! A grin starts to form on your face, overshining the tears you have cried just half a minute ago.

You look up to the man in front of you and reciprocate his crafty smile. “Okay, dad, I’ll do it.”

---

Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing,

I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something.

“Y/N, open the door please! Talk to me, little one, don’t close me out. Please” A muffled voice comes through the bathroom door. It hurts you to push him away and hear the worried tone in his words but you just can’t bring up the strength to pick yourself up from the cold floor and open the door for your dad.

You want to cry your soul out and you don’t want to be watched doing it. You love him more than anything in the world, but there are things that you have to go through on you own.

“N-No, I’m s-sorry, Da-ad” You whimper, not bothering to hide your sobs, “I-I want to b-be alone.”

You see the handle being pushed down once again. “Y/N, please. Please.”

You close your eyes and grimace a smile, so that your voice sounds less sad. “I-I’m sorry.”

You hear a deep sigh and then everything goes quiet on the other side of the door. Staring at the light wood, as if you could see through it and find out what he’s doing, you wait for him to say something.

He doesn’t. He remains completely silent. You start to regret pushing him away.

Did he leave? If he really left, you think your heart will break entirely.

You wait another ten seconds before you can’t stand the uncertainty anymore and get up as quickly as you can. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry you think in your head. Everything looks blurry through your tears but you don’t care as you stumble to the door, unlock it with shaking hands and tear it open.

He never left, he waited for you. You see him stand in the hallway, two feet away from you, leaning against the wall, head sunk low, arms crossed. His face looks so incredibly sad, you could kick yourself. The second you appear in the door frame he looks up and scans your puffy, tear-strained face.

“Dad” You mumble.

Keep telling me that it gets better,

Does it ever?

He pushes himself off the wall. Immediately, you get pulled into a tight, comforting hug. Two strong arms wrap themselves around you, making you the safest kid on the planet. You feel him rest his face on your head and you close your eyes.

No medicine is strong enough,

Someone help me,

I'm crawling in my skin.

“I thought we had a deal, little one. We never push each other away. I’m here for you and you are here for me” Tony says into your hair. You don’t trust your voice yet so you just nod and press your face into his chest. Home. This feels like home.

“And now tell me what’s wrong, so I can make it right.”

---

I'm looking through my phone again, feeling anxious,

Afraid to be alone again, I hate this.

“It’s just a small party, dad. Please, can I please go with him? I promise I won’t do anything stupid” You say as you, him and Peter stand in your kitchen – like a face-off of some kind. Your dad looks above displeased but he is not able to give you a good reason why you can’t go. Peter looks a little uncomfortable being responsible for this mood drop, seeing as he was the one who suggested going to the party together. He adores Tony almost as much as you do.

“Hrmpf” Your dad says while eagerly trying to come up with an excuse why you should stay home. Though, at the same time he knows how hard it is for you to find friends, being Tony Stark’s daughter, and now that he recruited Peter (well kind of, he’s not an Avenger but he’s always around) you seem to finally have found someone that you click with.

He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. This never happened before. You’ve never gone to a party and he didn’t expect it would be this hard to let you go. Anything could happen. Teenagers are pretty crazy and very dumb, who knows what situations you could get into.

No medicine is strong enough,

Someone help me.

“Dad, please. I won’t stay too long and I will text Happy as soon as I want to go home, so he can pick me up. Also, Peter will be with me the entire time.”

He sighs deeply and looks up with tired eyes just to give Peter the death glare. The boy next to you uncomfortably shifts and tries to crack a smile to sooth your dad’s mood. At that Tony’s eyes narrow.

Ten minutes later you’re sitting in the car with Peter, Happy is driving. You think you’ve never been this nervous before. Not only are you on your way to your first ever party but you’re also your crush’s plus one. Or are you not? You throw a quick glance at Peter sitting beside you.

He’s looking out the window with fidgety fingers in his lap. Is he nervous, too?

When you first met him, you’ve been shy and restrained. You had watched TV in your room when suddenly there was a knock on the door and your dad came in saying he wanted to introduce you to someone. That’s when you first saw Peter. Or Spiderman, how he accidentally introduced himself while shaking your hand, blushing in the process.

It makes you smile just thinking about it.

You may have been shy and restrained, but he was shy and awkward. He’s still awkward but fortunately he is losing his shy side a little bit when he is around you. You want him to feel comfortable and not like he has to hold anything back.

Naturally, it didn’t take you very long to develop a crush on him, he is just too cute with his messy hair, his unfiltered babblings and his blushy cheeks. Despite your introverted nature you don’t try to hide that you like him. That you like him. Simply because you don’t want to waste any time.

He is Spiderman after all. Anything could happen to him any day.

I’m crawling in my skin.

Your obvious showing of liking Peter did cause a couple of awkward situations with him and your dad, though, not gonna lie.

Does he like you, too?

Sometimes I feel like giving up.

---

“Hey, Y/N, I think I saw you with a boy yesterday. Near Central Park? Or somewhere in that direction?” Steve blurts out in the middle of a nice little coming-together in the living room area in your Tower. Your dad was there, Steve and Peter, Nat and Sam, too.

The others call him Cap but he has always been your Uncle Steve. He doesn’t let it show but you suspect, secretly he likes being called Uncle Steve. He bears the teasing about it by his fellow Avenger friends silently and always shows this little smile when you call him that.

Right now, though, right now you could kill him. At his words Tony and Peter have both frozen in their movements and started staring at you, both wearing the same expression, a mixture of surprise and displeasing. Sam lets out a whistle and Nat tries to hide a grin.

“Um, yeah. I hung out with a friend from school, he’s in my German class. We, um … went for a walk and then worked on a project for school together” You say, trying to sound confident, not being successful at both that and supressing the heat that is crawling up your neck.

Just have a drink and you'll feel better,

Just take her home and you'll feel better,

Keep telling me that it gets better,

Does it ever?

“A school project, for sure” Sam teases without looking up from the UNO-cards in his hands. The game was your dad’s idea. To bring back the good old memories. Or something like that.

“I, um, yeah. It was a project for school, nothing more. This isn’t any of your business actually” You try to defend yourself. You meet eyes with Peter, he looks … well, like he bit into a lemon. You two are not together, you never brought up the courage to tell him how you feel and he never did as well, so seeing his open feel of annoyance pleases you immensely, if you are being honest. He has female friends that he meets up with, Michelle and Liz for example, so why can’t you hang out with male friends, too?

Just because you never confessed to him, doesn’t mean your crush has vanished. It’s quite the opposite.

“I didn’t know that, you didn’t tell me you were meeting with a boy” You dad says in a slightly dangerous tone. Oh, come on, overprotective Tony is so uncalled for right now. Yesterday was nothing even slightly close to a date, but of course you won’t tell them that with Peter being in direct earshot.

I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh

Is there somebody who could

Help me, it's like the walls are caving in.

“I told you I was hanging out with friends.”

“Yeah, friends. Plural. You could have just said you were meeting with a boy, Y/N” Tony says while laying his cards down to fully face you. That’s a lie, you couldn’t have just said you were meeting with a boy, he would have interrogated you about the boy’s personal info and then he would have assigned one of his men to follow you. Which is, quite frankly, something you really don’t need anytime anywhere.

“Anyway, yesterday didn’t mean anything, we’re just friends, so please relax. I’ll go into the kitchen, does anyone want anything?” You say while standing up from the sofa, putting your cards onto the little table in front of you. You see your dad give you a look that says Don’t close me out, little one before you turn around and walk to the kitchen. You don’t even wait for anyone to answer your question.

You go directly to the fridge and stare at the bottles inside of it. You didn’t intend to take anything, you just wanted to escape that embarrassing conversation. You hear someone come in behind you, so you wait for the person to say something. When they don’t, you turn your head, only to see Peter standing five feet away from you, leaning against the counter with crossed arms. His eyes are on his feet but as soon as he feels your gaze he looks up and meets yours.

You always thought he was beautiful but right now right here in this modern high-tech kitchen you think you have never seen anyone more beautiful than him. You break your eyes from him and look back at the products in front of you.

“So…” You say, just because it’s so painfully silent between you two.

Why can’t he be yours.

Sometimes I feel like giving up.

You straighten up, close the refrigerator and turn to look at him again. He shifts at that but doesn’t say anything. Both of you wait for the other one to start to speak first. This is a perfect summary for your friendship, you think, from the point you met ‘til now. Both of you have something to say, but neither of you wants to make the first step. And that cost you so much precious time.

You know exactly what you want to do but you don’t know if you are brave enough to actually do it. Giving up is so much easier.

But I just can't,

It isn't in my blood.

A Stark never gives up.

Your heart starts beating faster as you internally make a decision. Just do it! Just do it! Don’t think about it!

Before you can change your mind you jerk forward and walk towards him. Your hands start shaking, your knees feel suspiciously weak and you don’t dare to look into his eyes but you don’t stop until you stand right in front of him. There are at least a million butterflies in your stomach who are apparently fighting wars right now, otherwise this feeling can’t be explained.

You wait for a second before looking up at him. Peter’s wonderful brown chocolate eyes have widened and his cheeks have a pink glimmer to them.

You’ve never been this close to him. You can even feel his breath on your skin, you can see the golden sprinkles in his eyes that you have never seen before and sense the warmth he is radiating.

I need somebody now,

Someone to help me out.

Oh god, are you really doing this? Oh god oh god oh god. The butterflies are rioting.

You are about to lean in when suddenly Peter brings down his face to yours and puts his lips on your lips. That takes you completely off-guard, your eyes remain open for two seconds out of pure shock. It’s not until he hesitantly lays his hands on your hips that you close them and start to kiss him back.

You’re both quite hesitant at first and need time to warm up, he’s very careful with you, very soft. But it doesn’t take you long to become more vigorous, wanting more than just light pecks, wanting to taste more, wanting to feel more. You put your arms around Peter’s neck and press your whole body against him and he wholly wraps his arms around your hips.

How often have you dreamed of this? How often have you imagined this to happen when you sat in the kitchen opposite Peter, talking about unimportant stuff while trying not to stare at him too obviously?

Your heart is beating in a rate that you didn’t know existed. The butterflies in your stomach have stopped communicating with you and got replaced by a warm, fuzzy feeling that starts to build up. You tilt your head a little to try a different angl-

“What the hell is going on??” Your father’s voice booms behind you, making both of you jump into different directions. You try to catch your breath and you can see Peter do the same, his panting being accompanied by a cute blush. God, you could kiss him again.

It isn’t in my blood.

It isn’t in my blood.

---

The news reach you in the morning.

The sun has already risen and the streets are as busy as you’ve ever known them. You sit on the couch in the living room area, alone. Only Happy is here, probably somewhere on the lower floors doing God knows what.

You are incredibly nervous. So, so incredibly nervous.

You fidget with the cute bracelet on your wrist; it is made of red and blue pearls representing Spiderman’s suit colours, a gift from Peter to celebrate your one year anniversary as a couple. It had made you choked up when you unwrapped it and saw it for the first time.

You had glanced up into Peter’s face. He looked so insecure, his brows were furrowed into a frown, he was constantly biting down on his lip and his eyes were scanning your face closely.

“Do you like it? I wasn’t sure, if you would like it. If not, that’s completely fine but I thought maybe you would, well, I mean, do you like it? Or should I get you something else?” He had asked, like the cute bean he was. Of course you liked it. Your dad had rolled his eyes at him but you could still see a small smile on his face. He did like Peter after all, even though the boy was romancing his boss’ daughter.

But now … not even that memory can ban the pure anxiety you feel right now.

Help me, it's like the walls are caving in.

Peter and your dad are on a mission. That alone isn’t anything out of the ordinary. The thing is, they should have been here by yesterday. It was just a small mission, nothing to really worry about and small missions never make them late.

Even worse, any contact you had via phone and other communication devices has completely broken off five hours ago. You don’t know what’s happening to them right now and that’s the worst feeling in the world.

All that’s left for you is pray and hope that they are okay, that your dad and your boyfriend are not hurt or if they are, not hurt badly. You don’t even dare to think about the possibility of one of them not being here anymore. You can’t bear to lose the two loves of your life.

Your dad had hugged you before he left. A tight one, he had kissed your temple and told you not to worry, they would be home sooner than you could have said Welcome back.

“And now tell me what’s wrong, so I can make it right.”

That’s what your dad would tell you everytime you were hurt and didn’t know what to do. He always wants to make everything right for you, make everything perfect, keep all the evil out of your life.

Now you’re the one who wants to know what’s going on, so you can make it right.

You hear Happy enter the room. You don’t dare to look up, too scared of what you might see in his face. You hear him walk to you until he is right in your eyesight, right in front of you. He crouches down to get to your eyelevel and lays one hand on your shoulder. You already feel the tears welling up.

Sometimes I feel like giving up.

“Y/N.” The miserable tone and the cracking in his voice cause your heart to sink to your knees and your hands to start to shake. Please, God, no!

You take a breath before you finally build up the courage to look up and meet his eyes. His face looks wet and his eyes are bloodshot. You don’t need to hear him say the person’s name out loud, you already know. 

At that moment you feel your heart shatter into a million pieces.

Afraid to be alone again, I hate this

I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh.

Tears start rolling down your face, your throat tightens, a silent cry desperate to come out. You put your hand over your mouth, shocked, sink to the ground and curl up. You feel yourself breaking down.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” The hand on your shoulder starts brushing over your back, almost clumsily like this is a first for him. You finally let out a scream, only interrupted by sobs.

I need somebody now.

You don’t know how long you sit there, head on your knees, curled up into a ball, on the floor in front of the couch. You don’t know how much time has passed when you hear other voices coming in and leaving soon after, trying to talk to you and giving up eventually. You don’t know how much time has passed when you hear someone say “They’re here”, followed by several mumbled answers.

I need somebody now.

I need somebody now.

It could be days, weeks, months after Happy told you, after you realized what happened – it could also be just hours, when you hear the voice that pierces marrow and bone. The voice whose owner you love with all your heart and who is probably the only one who could catch you right now.

Like he always did.

You feel two very familiar hands on your shoulder, you hear someone knee down and then you get pulled into a tight hug. It makes you cry all over again.

“I thought we had a deal, little one. We never push each other away. I’m here for you and you are here for me.”

You don’t know if you will ever be able to put the pieces of your broken heart back together.

“Shhhh, i-it’s okay, it’s ok-kay. He- I- Y/N, I’m so s-sorry.”

“Peter, I-I can’t… “ You sob into Peter’s chest.

“I know.”

A Stark never gives up.

Sometimes I feel like giving up.

That day, for the first time in your life, you utterly, completely, entirely give up.

---

Tag list: @izzy-the-teawitch @wowpeterparker @brightcolorsoffendme

(I tagged you because you guys said something like you wanna be tagged in everything I write/in my future works, I apologize if you didn’t want to be tagged :D)

[bbbb-barnes]

Look After You - Bucky Barnes X Reader [3]

Summery; Bucky Barnes discovers his sister is still alive and finds comfort in the endearing nurse that cares for his dying sibling

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Word count; 4336 (long one oops)

Warnings: Blood (In the first italicised part) angst and swearing. 

I’m loving writing this so if you’re enjoying it please let me know, if you want to be tagged i’ll add you my requests are also open. Enjoy!!!

June 6th, 1941

The early evening orange sunset painted the whole makeshift army base in a decadent amber hue, various soldiers milled about, jostling with each other, playing cards and swapping pictures of their dames, cigarettes hanging out of their mouths as they did so. The air smelled of gunpowder and sweat and the atmosphere was relaxed, Bucky kicked his legs up and rested them on the upturned crate in front of him crossing his arms behind his head turning his face towards the setting sun, enjoying the warm feeling as it danced across his skin, he let his eyes lazily fall close as he concentrated on the Vera Lynn song crackling through the old radio nearby, he let himself relax like this for a while, it was a rare peaceful moment amid the chaos of war. A large figure heavily stomped in front of him, blocking the sun from his face and making him frown. The robust man in question gruffly cleared his throat and Bucky’s eyes flitted open. “Sargent Barnes, some mail has arrived for you” The soldier saluted with one hand and the other clutched a white envelope. Bucky waved him away signalling him to stand to attention, he did as he was told. “Thank you, Meyers” Bucky took the letter off him and gave him a quick salute, after returning the gesture Meyers stomped away. Bucky sat up and rested his elbows on his knees studying the letter, he knew straight away it was from Rebecca the slightly childlike writing was a dead giveaway and caused his face to break into a grin. These were the only letters he paid any mind to, he received many from different dames he had spent spontaneous nights with in various cities and countries in a pathetic bid to combat the loneliness of war, he always left them with promises to write back but he never did, he didn’t even open their letters. He shook those thoughts from his head and ripped open the letter, nostalgia and homesickness punching him in the gut as he saw his sisters familiar scrawl.

Dearest Bucky,

I miss you very much, Brooklyn is not the same without you. News of your death has reached the town and mama is very upset, she doesn’t get out of bed anymore, not even to take me to school or answer the postman and all we ever do is cry cry cry cry cry and cry. Why have you left us Bucky? I can’t do this on my own. We need you here. I told you not to go. Why have you left me?

Suddenly thick, deep red blotches fell on to the letter with a loud, wet slapping sound blurring the ink, Bucky sobbed in shock horror, choking and gasping as the blood coated his hands, falling from his head, sliding down his face and mixing with the tears as the liquid deteriorated the letter into nothing, until he was holding on to nothing, until there was nothing. Red everywhere, blood everywhere. He screamed but no sound came up, he screamed for his mama, he screamed for his home, his eyes were heavy, and he was so tired he just wanted to go home, and he screamed for his sister, for Becca. He never got to say goodbye.

 You jumped up with a start, hands scrambling over your bedspread trying to ground yourself. Your hair was stuck to your forehead with sticky sweat and your breathing was sporadic and heavy. Just a dream, it was just a dream. You sat in your mess of blankets letting yourself calm down for a few seconds. You couldn’t shake the dream, it was so vivid and so real. You rubbed your face, which was stiff with dried tears, you had been crying. You let out a sad sigh and your heart ached for Rebecca and for Bucky, for a situation that you yourself didn’t fully understand but knew you had a role to play in bringing these two people back together, you were in too deep, but you didn’t care. You grabbed your phone which you had carelessly thrown on the bedside table to check the time, 7:28am two minutes before your scheduled alarm, you pulled yourself from the warm cocoon that was your bed and padded barefoot across the wood floor of your bedroom, your bare feet arched slightly as they came into contact of the cold kitchen tiles, you grabbed Rufus’s food from the side and shook it before pouring it messily into his blue food bowl. You flicked the kettle on and leaned against the kitchen sideboard waiting for it to boil and absentmindedly looking out of the window that overlooked the grey, rainy New York morning, your mind wandered to Rebecca, as it often did these days and you mentally reminded yourself to call and check in later. Your stomach dropped as your eyes fell on the eyesore that was Avengers HQ and the reality of the day ahead hit you full force, the nightmare had distracted you for a while and you didn’t know which thought process you preferred.  

After you gulped a large, scalding cup of coffee down, took a quick shower and blow dried your hair in to lose waves you stood in front of your open wardrobe with your hands on your hips, towel wrapped tightly around your body as your freshly dried hair flowed down your back. You needed to look like you had your shit together, you had to look like you had enough money to invest in Stark industries when in actual fact you had to live off instant noodles for the past week while you waited for your pay check to come through. You pulled a black long sleeve blouse out of the wreckage before surveying in and throwing it on to a discarded pile in the corner of the room, you did this with a few items of clothing before getting frustrated and flopping down on the bed with a sigh. That’s when you saw the skin tight, high waisted, knee length pencil skirt, pushing all of your insecure thoughts to the back of your head you slipped it on with a flowing white blouse tucked in, against your better judgement you unbuttoned the top two buttons, letting a slight bit of cleavage show, you slipped on some black stilettos and decided to put some make up on, you needed to look like you came from money, not from 4 hours sleep. After you were finished you looked in the mirror, the makeup helped you look less dead, your eyelashes were curled to perfection and before you could second guess yourself you smeared some red lipstick on and took a step back from the floor length mirror that hung on the back of your bedroom door. You felt sexy, you felt dangerous, you felt like you could take on the world never mind Tony fucking Stark. You savoured this feeling, it was rare, but you liked it.

“What do you think, Rufus?” You asked opening your bedroom door dramatically and strutting out, your heels clicking against the hard wood floor, catching the attention of the chubby cat who looked up at you bewildered, he wasn’t used to seeing you like this either it seemed. You grabbed your bag, an umbrella and your white name badge, clipping it on to your blouse. You had toyed with the idea of using a fake name but that was after 2 glasses of wine on a Wednesday evening and you quickly discarded that idea come Thursday morning.

The 5 minute walk to the tower was spent with you running through your carefully constructed (you thought of it last night) idea in your head. Clock the ladies’ bathroom as soon as you enter and when you were far enough away you would ask to use the bathroom, head in the general direction and when nobody is around to stop you, make a break and find Steve Rogers. Simple. Easy. Your confident persona was starting to slip as you strode down the wet pavement, you rounded a corner and audibly gulped. There it was, in all its shiny, expensive lavish glory. You stopped for a second, taking it all in scanning the entrance where two beefy security guards stood eyes darting around the various people milling around the entrance. After a deep breath and a mental pep talk you held your head high and walked straight up to building, pushing the heavy, glass doors and stepping into the warm reception area. Whoever said confidence works was right, the security guards didn’t even give you a second glance. Inside was it was sparkling clean, marble floors, glass walls, a sweeping staircase took up one side of the room and various lavish couches were dotted around, a few men in suits occupied them and a huge marble curved desk with a large obnoxious A emblazoned on the front took up the whole back wall, you checked your watch 9:26am, 4 minutes early. You walked up to the front desk, heels clicking on the marble floor catching the attention of the receptionist and notifying her of your arrival, she was a young, pretty girl with dark hair pulled into a high pony tail. It looked like it was giving the poor girl a headache. She gave you a wide smile showing off pearly white teeth.

“Hi! How can I help you?” She chirped, bright eyes giving you a quick once over. You smiled back at her “I’m here to see Tony Stark, for the investors tour” you replied coolly tapping your name badge, her eyes followed, and she read your name and quickly started typing with her brows furrowed.

“Mr Stark is running a little late, he’ll be here in a few moments if you’d like to take a seat” she pointed a perfectly manicured finger over to a plush leather sofa. You nodded silently at the young woman you walked swiftly over to the seating area and sank into the leather, trying to find a way to sit without looking awkward, you settled with crossing your legs over each other and practising your poker face trying your hardest to not look overwhelmed.

“Rich and beautiful, a lady after my own heart” The sound of an obnoxious male voice bellowed through the reception and you snapped your head towards it. Dissenting the large staircase with incredible grace and confidence was Tony Stark. Head to toe in a pristine suit, tinted glasses were perched on his nose, his hair groomed to perfection. He had his arms outstretched towards you as he approached and you stood up quickly, smoothing down your skirt and plastering on a wide, incredibly fake smile. You saw him give you a long once over, not trying to hide it, you had to visibly stop yourself from rolling your eyes.

“Good morning, Mr Stark” you greeted, pulling his attention back to your face, you gave him a sickly sweet smile.

“Good Morning, Y/N” he greeted back, squinting slightly to look at the name badge you had been provided in the letter confirming your place, he extended a ring clad hand and you took it, shaking his hand swiftly, without saying anything else he began to stride ahead, climbing the stairs he just came from, gesturing you to follow. Your brow furrowed in confusion, you were supposed to be in a group. You hurried behind him, heels clicking on the floor as you struggled to keep up with his long strides.

“Um, Mr Stark, where is the rest of the group?” you asked as you finally reached his side, climbing the last few steps and trying not to seem as out of breath as you were. He stopped at the top and turned to look at you.

“As much as I love the sound of Mr Stark coming from your mouth please, call me Tony, and change of plans it’s a one on one tour now, my favourite kind.” He said that last part with a wink and carried on walking down the very overwhelming hall ways. Shit shit shit, you suddenly felt sick, this wasn’t going to work one on one. This wasn’t part of the plan. Your eyes darted around nervously as you walked and you were aware that you were surrounded by high tech machinery, lab equipment, weapons and vehicles, you tried not to look like a child as you ogled at your surroundings all concealed by tall glass windows, your heels clicked loudly as you followed behind Tony. He led you into a large office, which homed a large, shiny oak desk, a full bookcase and a full glass wall, looking out over New York. He settled in the large office chair behind the desk and gestured for you to sit opposite him. You smiled and perched on the edge of the seat as you crossed your legs. Without taking his eyes off you he retrieved a intricate, crystal bottle of what you assumed was Whisky. He poured two, expensive looking whisky glasses and pushed one over to you with a wicked grin. You kept your eyes trained on him as you threw it back, it burned like a bitch, but your head was swimming and you needed to think of a plan, it all felt too real now, your chest felt tight and your hands were clammy.

“Rich, beautiful, not much of a talker and you drink whisky. Marry me?” He teased before sinking his glass and refilling them both, you drank it in one mouthful again, just because you didn’t know how to reply, you smiled at him expectantly, willing him to get to the point.

“So, lets cut the bullshit. Everybody knows what’s in here, a quick google search will do that for you” he paused to sip his drink and you raised your eyebrows at his confidence. “You don’t need a tour and you want to invest, who wouldn’t?” He asked, taking another tentative sip and leaning back in his chair, if you weren’t so nervous you’d be impressed.

“I think you’re going to have to do better than that Mr Stark. I want to see where my money’s going” you clasped your clammy hands together in your lap and he filled your glass again.

“You see where its going every day sweetheart, you see how much profit is in these walls just by walking past, I’m a busy man I don’t have time to show you everything” he refilled his own and held It up to you, he was insanely relaxed, you sipped your drink this time, attempting not to wince at the burn.

“If you think getting me drunk is going to help your cause, you’re wrong” you stated flatly, trying to buy some time. He threw his head back and laughed, loud and obnoxious.

“Worth a try” He chuckled, finishing off his drink and stretching his arms behind his head, looking at you over the top of his glasses.

“Can I use your bathroom?” you blurted out, at a loss for things to say and needing to pull yourself together. He sighed and sat up straighter.

“Just down that hall way, then take a left” he pointed in the direction of the east corridor and you stood up quickly, feeling a little light headed, hoping he didn’t see your slight stumble you hurried out of the room and down the looming corridors heading in the direction he pointed. You took the left but strode straight passed the bathroom, seeing an elevator at the end of the corridor you hurried into it, there were too many buttons and none of them made much sense, so you jammed a few hoping they would take you were you need to go. The elevator dropped quickly, and you gripped the hand rail for balance, it stopped abruptly and opened up into a dingy, large garage filled with various shiny sports cars, you figured you wouldn’t find Steve here, so you pressed another random button and the elevator jolted to life and shot upwards. The pristine steel doors shot open on to what seemed like a communal living area, the place seemed slightly lived in cushions askew on the large sofa, a sweater was thrown over the side, the large TV was on playing a movie you didn’t recognise, the place opened up with a lot of natural light and had a large kitchen in the corner with all the gadgets you could name, this place was nice. You stepped out and the elevator zoomed away again, you suddenly felt very uncomfortable like you were in somebody’s personal space. Despite everything in your head telling you to flee this place, you softly walked down the corridor connected to the large communal area. There were multiple closed doors lining the carpeted hall way, the doors were numbered and had high tech looking locks on them. You reached the end of the corridor and stopped at a large, glass wall that loomed over a huge gym, this seemed like a very high tech facility. Your eyes scanned the floor and did a double take when you noticed a figure in the corner you didn’t see upon first inspection, you put your hands either side of the glass to get a better look at the tall, hunched over figure sat on the bench in the corner of the gym, he had his hands clasped together and dark, long hair covered his face, in a instant his face snapped up and his icy blue eyes met yours, you audibly gasped and stepped back quickly, his eyes made your blood run cold, you knew those eyes, you had seen them before. His face was emotionless and he was just staring into your eyes and you couldn’t pull your eyes away from his, you felt grounded to him In this moment, and nothing else seemed to matter and you don’t know how long you stood there staring at him, staring at Bucky Barnes.

“So how exactly did you acquire your fortune again?” a hard voice came from behind you and you yelped in shock spinning around and pressing your back against the glass wall, looking at you visibly irritated was Tony Stark.

“My parents?” you tried with a small smile, but you knew you had been caught, he raised his eyebrows at you and snatched the tinted glasses off his nose with a large sigh, he started walking and gestured for you to follow, you quickly obliged. He led you to the communal area and pointed at the sofa, you sat down timidly, he loomed over you.

“Okay kid, just so you’re aware this place is heavily armed, try anymore funny business and I can obliterate you in two seconds” he started in a warning tone and you visibly cringed, he continued without waiting for an answer.

“You couldn’t stop your slack jaw from falling when you saw the most basic tech, you winced when drinking expensive whisky, which went straight to your head, you’re nervous as hell and you’ve gone walk about in my tower. So, unless you have a really good excuse you need to leave, like now.” He stepped closer to you, so he was literally leaning over you, giving you a hard stare with a quirked brow almost begging you to question him so he could use all the weapons he’d been boasting about.

“I need to see Steve Rogers” you blurted out and he looked visibly unimpressed, pinching his nose with his thumb and forefinger, shit you couldn’t think of anything better to say.

“We’re just letting crazy fangirls in now, right get out” he stepped back and gestured towards the door, you stood up and took a step towards him, a pleading look in your eye.

“Please, its about Bucky, its important” You looked into his brown eyes and he scoffed at you.

“Barnes, really? leave now” He grabbed his phone and put it to his ear, tapping his foot. In a fit of confidence you pushed his phone out of his hands, you weren’t getting this chance again and if you couldn’t say you did everything you could then you couldn’t live with yourself, he looked at you like you had just fucking shot him.

“Did you really just- “he started to shout but you cut him off.

“Look I need to talk to Bucky or Steve okay, its serious it’s about Bucky’s sister it about Rebecca, she’s alive but probably not for much longer, I shouldn’t have come in here like this and I’m sorry but I’ve tried everything else and I don’t know what to do but I promised I would help her so PLEASE” you gushed, squaring up to him, you felt a lump form in your throat because you had gotten this far, he couldn’t turn you away now, he looked bewildered but before he could speak, a heavy set blonde man you had only ever seen in pictures emerged from the corridor, he planted himself in between you and tony and looked down at you with intense blue eyes.

“Becca’s alive?” he asked firmly, and you just nodded violently.

You threw the pictures down on the table, one you had printed of you and Becca last thanksgiving, old pictures of Bucky and his family and letters from Bucky to Rebecca. You were sat around the large table in the kitchen area with Steve and Tony. You had apologised to Tony, but he still seemed wary of you, staring at you through yellow tinted lenses constantly. Steve just looked through the papers you had given him with his brows furrowed.

“I promise you, I’m telling the truth” you had blurted out your story when Steve told you that you had five minutes to explain yourself and you jumped into the story, assuring them you had proof too. Tony looked to Steve with apprehension who looked up from the letters and sighed.

“This all checks out, what can I do?” he asked, eyes on you and you felt your shoulder sag with pure relief.

“Well, she’d love to see him, to see both of you. I just didn’t know with um Mr Barnes’ situation” you trailed off awkwardly not knowing how to refer to it. Tony laughed, Steve cringed. Steve raked a hand through his short hair and thought for a few moments.

“We could just bring her in here we have top of the range medical facilities, it makes sense” Tony announced, he sounded bored as he leaned back in the kitchen chair, the thought made your heart drop.

“No, that’s not a good idea, I’ve been caring for her for years, you want to take a dementia patient out of her home a shove her in a sterile facility where she doesn’t know anybody? its cruel” you protested quickly, the thought dawned on you that these two men could override your decision in a heartbeat, it scared you. Tony narrowed his eyes at you, opening his mouth to defend himself before Steve quickly interrupted.

“You’re right, let’s set up a meeting, ill come with him and you’ll be there too. If anything goes wrong I can control Bucky, if you can handle Rebecca” his face was sombre, this was probably a hard situation for him too you realised. You nodded and felt a weight lift off your shoulders, you weren’t sure how the meeting would go, but you did all you could possibly do to help, and you felt accomplished at that thought

“Thank you, Mr Rogers she… she never got to say goodbye and it kills her, this means the world” you thanked him sincerely and his eyes softened a little.

“Please, It’s Steve and you really care about her huh?” he asked with a small smile as his eyes fell onto the old picture of Bucky and Rebecca, outside their childhood home.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t” You answered honestly.

“So, you’re a nurse?” Tony asked disbelieving still staring at you, you broke into a grin without thinking and his mouth quirked a little at you. “No, don’t make me smile I’m still mad at you” he announced pointing at you before getting up and leaving. “I’m sure I’ll see you around, Florence Nightingale” he called over his shoulder as he stepped into the elevator, he sent you a wink before he zoomed off and Steve breathed out a laugh.

“Sorry about that” he apologised slightly awkwardly, hands fiddling with the pictures.

“Don’t be, I’m the one that lied my way in here” you laughed slightly, and he joined in as you stretched your arms. It had been a long day.  

“Tomorrow” Steve said abruptly, before you could question anything he continued “Buck’s had a few good days, ill talk to him about all this and if he’s up for it, we’ll stop by tomorrow is that okay?” he looked a little nervous at the thought and to be honest so were you, you wanted it to go well but they were both very unreliable, unpredictable people.

“Tomorrow is good, we’ll see how it goes” you reassured, and he nodded satisfied with your answer.

After scribbling your number down for Steve, insisting he keep the photo’s you brought and a slightly awkward hug, you clicked out of the building, stopping to give Tony an overenthusiastic wave when you saw him on the way out, which he returned with a middle finger. It was warmer out and you walked home slowly, you couldn’t help but feel enthusiastic about tomorrow, you called up Becca on the way home, who seemed confused so you didn’t mention Bucky but you felt better for talking to her, after saying your goodbyes you rounded the corner to your apartment block, you realised two things, you needed more friends your age, and you were going to meet Bucky Barnes tomorrow and of all the things you should think of him, all the preconceived notions you should have, all you could think about was him and how excited you felt about seeing him again.

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