#I have A RUSE

[ruggythebugwithamug]

I have hatched a most terrible scheme, but I need feedback on whether I should do it or not!

To preface this: I’m the shortest person in my friend group, and over school holidays I won’t really be seeing my friend group much. I have come up with the idea that I could maybe chat to my friends over discord, claiming that I had grown taller (maybe a few centimetres) over the holidays!!

Bear with me.

And like, I’ll do it how I would genuinely react, disbelief, jokes and letting it get to my head, except it’s ALL A RUSE!!!

I WILL return on that Thursday morn, my regular height, nothing different about little old rug, and they will be shocked and appalled I’d go to so much effort to do something dumb like that

I’m also thinking I could take a bunch of photos (maybe edit them) to further prove it, like in one I could have me finally being able to reach the top cabinet. Maybe after it’s all over I could make some memey ones where I’ve edited my shadow to look like I had the long spider legs like the scary other mother from coraline!!

to do this I’d have to dedicate like 3 weeks worth of bs lies, I’m thinking I’ll start with saying how, ‘oh, my back hurts’, and then that transforms into ‘I felt taller so I remeasured my height and i’ve HAD A GROWTH SPURT???’ And then it becomes acceptance and I do the stupid photos and make comments like now I’ll finally be able to reach the tall friend’s shoulder instead of their forearm

please be honest, is this batshit crazy? because if I commit myself to the bit I require all the confidence I can get or else I will crumble after a few days

[foldingfittedsheets]

I worked retail for a long time and people really do treat you like shit sometimes. But between selling sex toys, mattresses, and jewelry I can say definitively I got treated worst selling mattresses.

All three of my jobs were in sales but selling sex toys we were allowed to put people in their place, and in jewelry people didn’t want to misbehave in a fancy setting. But people at the mattress store had no problem yelling at me, hitting on me, or insulting me to my face.

For a while I was managing my own store for the company. I ran a small location and had struggling employees placed with me for rehabilitation. If their numbers improved they could go back to bigger stores. If not, they got fired.

So this meant I was the manager of problem employees. At one point both of my people had a foot out the door. The company was going downhill and changed computer systems and they were fed up. Consequently, they made a ton of mistakes, because they just didn’t care about the job or learning the new systems.

I strolled into work on what was essentially my Monday to a shit show. Deliveries scheduled without product, wrong things on orders, poor expectations of the process, you name it. I spent the entire morning getting yelled at for mistakes that weren’t mine.

The final straw came when a man called furious that his moms bed for her nursing home had a delivery window he couldn’t accommodate. This wasn’t a huge disaster since we still had time to deliver it before she moved. I ran him through the options and he just kept screaming at me. Not for a solution but because I was there and he was frustrated.

My heart filled with malice and a cold fury. A calculating part of my brain had a realization in that moment that I could stay a punching bag or I could strike back.

I quavered my voice delicately, taking in a shaky, warbling breath like I was trying not to cry. “Sir,” I quivered through fake tears, “I don’t know what you want from me! I told you what I can do, I didn’t make this mistake I’m just trying to fix it!” My voice broke pitifully on the last syllables, sounding in all ways like a sweet innocent person being yelled at who’s just trying her best, really!

It was like I’d doused him with cold water. My emotional act was the realization that he was screaming at someone who was just doing their damn job, and he was being an asshole. He hastily made an excuse and hung up.

I had a third employee covering with me from another store that day who heard everything. When I hung up, I looked over to see them watching me with an awed expression. “Did… did you just pretend to cry?”

“I absolutely fucking did,” I said with feeling, “and I’d do it a thousand more times. If that’s what it takes for someone to realize they’re behaving like a fucking prick, they deserve it.” The employee looked at me like I was their hero.

The man called back, apologizing profusely, having magically arranged his schedule to accommodate delivery. He came in later that week with an apology Starbucks gift card. I was gracious in my acceptance.

I pulled it a few more times before leaving the company. I felt no shame in the ruse. If someone behaves so poorly that it’s plausible their behavior would drive someone to tears they deserve to feel absolutely wretched about it.

[sunderwight]

Bingqiu AU where Luo Binghe's the chosen village sacrifice to the evil deity who lives up the mountain.

Normally the village sends maidens, but they've more or less run out of expendable girls of the right age and, ahem, "virtues". So of course Luo Binghe's early life bad luck kicks in. In the wake of his mother's death there's no one to really care about what happens to him, he's fairly pretty, and the village leaders decide that if they dress him up like a girl the teenaged homeless kid should pass well enough. And hey, y'know, he's probably got a hard life ahead for him anyway -- dying in a brothel of some venereal disease or on the streets of exposure or starvation. At least as a sacrifice, everyone else gets to benefit from his loss! And the kid will get added to a shrine and be remembered as a hero! If anything, he should be happy about this!

Binghe is not happy about this.

But he's also a skinny underfed nobody who is easily overpowered, dressed up like a bride, and tied to a post. So. Not much he can do but wait for the evil deity to come and do whatever horrible thing he's gonna do to him.

Meanwhile, Shen Yuan is pretty sure he's been isekai'd into the over-powered hero of some kind of supernatural adventure story? He's not totally sure because he doesn't recognize the setting, but the signs are there. He's got a shrine-like base of operations (though it seems to have become corrupted/ruined, probably he has to restore it somehow), he has a very resilient and handsome new body with spiritual energy of some kind flowing through him, and a very clearly magical sword. Plus lots of neat starter powers! Though it feels like he has other abilities that have been blocked somehow? Probably he has to level up in order to access them.

When he treks out of his "base" and finds what seems to be a distressed maiden, he takes it for his beginner hero mission. The girl claims that she's been doomed to be sacrificed to an evil god. That sounds a little above Shen Yuan's pay grade for dealing with, so he unties her and decides that they had better just get out of the whole region altogether. He already packed up anything useful from his base, anticipating he might get caught up in an adventure once he left, so they follow the river away from the settlement until they reach another one.

While they travel, Luo Binghe tells Shen Yuan about the cursed deity, Shen Qingqiu, who was cast out of the heavens for slaughtering one of his brethren and has apparently being do-who-knows what to maidens from the local village in exchange for his "protection" ever since. Sounds like a real asshole! And also mid-level boss type bad guy at least. Shen Yuan hopes he doesn't have to fight him, but he probably will.

Thank goodness he found Binghe, though! Clearly the helpful little sister type! He's definitely going to require her assistance if he's going to figure out how to navigate this world and level up his skills enough to take on a god.

[introloves]

pussy eater divide:

the guys you should be more than happy to open your legs for and let them eat to their hearts content:

higuruma, choso, ino, kusakabe, nanami

the guys you should be borderline scared to let get between your legs:

toji, sukuna, gojo!!, geto

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you all for voting in the poll to decide who was going to be the leader of the band! It turned out to be such a close race!

[vintrage]

71st games interview fit for a weepy baby (or is she!??!?!?)

[uncanny-tranny]

So much love and recognition to the people who don't know how they feel about recovering. To the people whose scars are fading away, and there's a sinking feeling, despite knowing that it's a good thing. To the people who miss when they were "worse," when they felt "broken." To the people who mourn losing their coping mechanisms, even the ones that were destructive, scary, or unpleasant. To those who feel guilty they're healing because their past self wasn't ready.

Whatever it is, there is nothing wrong with any of those feelings. It's a natural reaction, something you don't have ultimate control over. There is nothing shameful about yourself, and I admire the strength it takes to recognize how you feel, even the parts that do feel like the "wrong" reaction to a Good Thing.

[topaz-mutiny]

"Seeing from his violent demeanor that he was English" is still probably one of the best (funniest) lines in Dracula, but I love how this part of the Post Script contrasts with the rest of the letter Sister Agatha sends.

The main body of the letter is to the point and polite on all matters (makes sense as it seems this part of the writing was overseen by our good friend Jonathan himself, though he's too weak to write) in contrast to the Post Script where Agatha adds in details that are emotionaly powerful and some aren't necessarily sordid but would absolutely be of concern.

Jonathan has nothing on him, he is shouting and in a rush, he has a frightening delirium, delirium can last and reemerge a long time into the future, he rambles about terrifying and grotesque subjects when in the throes of his brain fever (which is an old-timey way to describe a lot of mental illnesses and behaviors), and all of this overcomes a frailty and physical weakness from whatever else he's been through that causes him to otherwise be bedridden.

Even half of that could erode trust in someone. But as told in the rest of the Post Script:

He's recovering, he's gaining more lucidity, the Sisters notice his lucid moments are punctuated by gentleness and sweetness (hard to trust at first likely, due to frequent relapses, and the Sisters are eventually convinced a lot of his prior behavior was caused by the fading brain fever and not by his inherent personality), he is a cherished patient of the Hospital of St. Joseph And St. Mary, and it seems the staff are enamored with how often and with such love he talks about Mina, such that this spurred Sister Agatha to make the Post Script in the first place because it's the first thing she mentions.

[goldengirlgalaxy]

Some alien royalty comes to Earth to claim Captain Marvel as their husband for his power. He manages to get out if it by proclaiming that he's already engaged to the Princess of the Infinite Realms, Princess Danielle "Ellie" Phantom.

Extra: Billy is still hiding the fact that he's actually still a child from the rest of the League. Ellie is roughly his civilian age, so when the League asks to meet her, hijinks ensue as Ellie has to keep up the appearance of being far older than she actually is, both physically and mentally.

[carnivorousruse]

So I've been pretty addicted to making these higher quality busts/icons for my characters over on Toyhouse lately

I have over 300+ of them to make, so it's gonna be a slow go 😭 at least they're fun!!

(These boys are Ficus, the Leaf, and Chalcedony, the Sky!)

[venacesaur]

where's that one post about how it's extreme mode to headcanon a character as aroace when they're part of a really popular ship....so true. especially when you headcanon both characters in the ship as aroace

[worstloki]

Natasha/Loki not for the romance but for the devastating attempt at mind games and the excessive internal monologue they would both have when trying to manipulate the other into the real-fake relationship.

[quailxcrossing]

thinkingg..............i might want to post some AU content on here. bc my posts are just seen by my awesome friends n moots and most of them can't see my AU work...but they have no idea the beloved antics i put in my AUs.................i want yall to see the waffle fries human au SO bad

[meganechan05]

HimeRita fans are WINNING on November 12th

Rita: Are you being threatened? I want to help.

Yes. Rita asked if Himeno was in danger.

Rita said they want to help her.

RITA IS OPENLY ASKING FOR PERMISSION TO HELP HIMENO

AND THEY ARE A CANDIDATE FOR AN ARRANGE MARRIAGE WITH HIMENO

WE ARE FCKING WINNING!!!!

[completeoveranalysis]

[6]

COOL YEAH THE ONE THING THIS ABSOLUTELY NEEDED WAS EVIL WOLVERINE POPPING IN TO DESCRIBE THE THINGS THAT JUST HAPPENED 

BECAUSE HE JUST CANT HELP HIMSELF EVEN NOW

THERE IS NO-ONE TO ACTUALLY TALK TO AND NO-ONE TO HEAR HIM BUT HE JUST ABSOLUTELY NEEDS TO BE THE ONE TALKING SO HE SUMS UP WHAT JUST HAPPENED AND ALSO HOW IT HAPPENED AND PLEASE PUT HIM IN A BLENDER THIS IS BAD ENOUGH WITHOUT HIM ADDING NOTHING TO IT

WELL THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT LAVA LAMP STILL HAS A HEAD

THAT’S WHERE THE BAR IS AT THE MOMENT

OH

OH SO WE DON’T GET TO HEAR WHAT HE SAID?

PURE CLAMP-ISM 

EXACTLY WHAT I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED REALLY

ANYWAY ENJOY THIS LINGERING SHOT OF SYAORAN DRAGGING THE UNRESPONSIVE BODY OF LAVA LAMP PAST ALL THE CORPSES AND UP TO EVIL WOLVERINE’S PORTAL

END OF CHAPTER

AT LEAST HE’S EFFICIENT!

[ballsballsbowls]

It's June 2004, and I am fresh out of an unmemorable breakup from an unmemorable relationship when @kvltprince tells me he, now, is also single, though under a lot worse circumstances. We have been friends for 3 or 4 years at this point and never, ever single at the same time.

"Have you ever thought about us dating each other? I mean, this last relationship collapsed in part because my ex couldn't stand that you and I were friends."

"That's a terrible idea," he said. And he was right, because the only commonality in our breakups was that both of us had dated friends of ours and the friendships did NOT survive the breakup, no matter how chill and unmemorable the breakup actually was.

I don't remember begging, but I had to have worn Alex down, because we agreed to give dating a try, and break up if there was even a whiff of an issue to preserve the friendship.

We were so sure it wasn't going to work that we didn't even keep track of our anniversary.

That was, inexplicably, two decades ago, give or take whatever day in June 2004 it actually was, and while it hasn't been all good times (unemployment, chronic illness, a house saturated on mouse piss for me, a house saturated in human piss for Alex), we've at least been fortunate enough to have someone to face all of it with.

A wise man (who doesn't have a gag reflex but I don't THINK that's relevant to the story) once said that if you're lucky, every say will feel like your anniversary. Maybe he was onto something, because this feels like it should be some momentous thing (especially since we've outlasted my sister's engagement, most of our friends' relationships, and MY ex's rebound relationship at the very least, BOTH of Andrew's marriages), but at the same time, it's not really an accomplishment at all.

Thanks for being willing to at least consider, 20 years ago, taking a risk that we both agreed was a pretty bad idea.

Nobody in my life ever told me that love could be as effortless as breathing if you're lucky.