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#I have regrets except i also have none
sunn-mechanic · 4 months
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[ID in alt]
SAVE
Another drawing I did on @findmeabowlofundertale's whiteboard, this time with Frisk! I don't draw them nearly enough ;v;
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pallases · 1 year
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okay guys i have calculated it all out and even if i get a big fat zero on this race i will still earn a b in the class assuming i get 100% on the other remaining three assignments two of which are a given for 100% and the last of which is like. even if we get a 75% on it (which i do not really see happening) i can still scrape by w a b-
#personal#the engineering chronicles#tbh makes me feel SOOO much better like it will still suck to get a zero on basically our final exam (but it isn’t like weighed like a#final exam we can fail it and still pass as long as doing so doesn’t bring our team assignment average down below 70% which it doesn’t in#these calculations) but like. at least it will not lead to me failing the whole class yknow WRDJFN#on the flipside if we get 100% on the race my grade will boost just enough to take it from an a- to an a. but i do not foresee that#happening LMAO we would have to earn first for that which. our robot is barely functioning atm as it is#whatever i had going on last week was FINE it was not perfect but it was working. then we redesigned and it has all gone to hell 😐 AND we#all have like separate redesigns now which! we cannot do for the race! they need to be identical!#and BEFORE the race we need to submit an assignment that’s like. ‘here’s what our final identical robot design is’ w a SHIT ton of cad#models and drawings. and the race is on saturday. and as none of us have decided on a design yet that works for all of us. we have not#started this giant assignment yet. which. hello#it’s so bad. don’t even get me started on my unrelated exam on friday and also a final paper again on friday… 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 death#this class has actually taken over my life like most of the time it literally feels like i am not enrolled in anything else. which is like i#am SO lucky none of my other classes are giving me trouble but also. it makes me wonder. how i would be doing if i had chosen another major.#not even one outside of stem like linguistics is my only non stem class this semester and i am straight up vibing in everything except this#robotics class. and that can be said for most of the engineering classes ive taken where they’re really the Only classes that give me any#problems. like how stress free would i be rn if i had picked chemistry or applied mathematics or smth 🤨#but also i don’t regret it. i mean i am learning so so much that i never would have imagined knowing how to do a year ago. but also. AAAAAAA
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knaveofmogadore · 6 months
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Hang..
#ran out of tags on the other post but I've got so manynof these#was best friends with a pair of roommates who became so intensely codependent that they both had breakdowns when the other studied abroad#a guy who had siblings regularly terrorized my friend who also had siblings with the corpse of a roachnfor over a year (roommates)#ive known ONE situation where the only chold terrorized an apartment of sibling people. but that's because they were all poc and she was#insanely racist. like so racist that MY little pale jewish ass got weird vibes from her on first contact#learned some good lessons from roommates but none of them are things I'd be able to explain to a kid#except maybe 'if you get the feeling someone's mad at you all the time but won't tell you for some reason just move out'#oh! my friend had a partner who was a terror of a roommate. as in she psychologically terrorized my friend and their roommates#once listened in on a convo that went 'i shouldnt have to warn people I'm walking into an apartment I PAY FOR just because they want a date#oh also @ my niblings sometimes situations are unwinable before you even get there. sometimes people just make up their minds about you#and you just gotta deal with the consequences of that decision. if you're in an unwinnable social situation just hit the bricks#you can't fix something that isn't functionally broken and it puts you in situations where every choice is wrong#living with people who grew up with fucked up sibling relationships created a lot of '0 good dialogue options' situations#cant leave the living room because then they asked for something and got it and that's shameful. can't sit in the living room. they want it.#again i could have been a way better roommate. for a multitude of reasons some under my control some not. but lord in heaven#but having siblings does NOT socialize you to live with other adults i hate that myth every situation I've lived in has proved it wrong#NONE OF US had any clue how to live with people who weren't our relatives#and this will happen to you. you will move out and realize the extent of your habits cause most people's parents just tolerate stuff#or your parents just got used to things that would drive other adults insane and they don't notice the things you do cause they're your kid#(or they might have even taught you those habits/level of cleanliness themselves)#one dude at the boarding house got mad about being asked to have basic responsibility for his room. so he left it covered in trash#and when they went to clean it it was covered in a fine layer of mold on almost every surface. genuine biohazard scene#got hit with 'youre the only person i don't regret letting into my house' from the woman we paid rent to when i moved out#and I'm like gee the bar is in hell 😭
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314 · 1 year
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when they bring all of these covid restrictions back are y'all gonna wear masks and get vaccinated again?
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lxkeee · 8 months
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MY LOVE, IS MINE ALL MINE
PART TWO
pairing: Lucifer x fem! reader
fandom: hazbin hotel
genre: fanfiction
notes: lmaoo sorry it took awhileee I'm actually a very busy college student while simultaneously having so much brainrot for this man so... Be patient omfg, I just posted part one a two days ago 😭 also, don't mind the warnings too much as it doesn't specifically for this specific chapter but it can be future parts of the story. So yes, hand holding before marriage will happen between Lucifer and [y/n]
warnings: none except hand holding before marriage lmao.
PART ONE | PART THREE
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The princess of hell along with her girlfriend was just settling in the guest room heaven provided for them temporarily as they had an important meeting with them.
Charlie and Vaggie stopped talking as their was a knock on their door, “Who do you think is it?” Charlie asked and Vaggie shrugged and Charlie decided to open the door.
There stood a rather tall female angel with three pairs of wings and a golden halo on her head, the short white dress accompanied by gold compliments the woman's figure beautifully.
Safe to say both Charlie and Vaggie were mesmerized, the woman before them was drop dead gorgeous. Though, Vaggie was still cautious, despite a former angel, she doesn't know who this woman is as some seraphim angels tend to not show themselves to the lower ranking aside from Sera.
“Are you Princess Charlotte? The daughter of Lucifer?” the woman asked with her [e/c] eyes sparkling in excitement, the woman quickly placed her hands over her mouth in embarrassment, “Oh! Sorry for the intrusion, I forgot to introduce myself,” she says with a small smile before giving the two girls a curt bow, “My name is [y/n], a seraphim. It's a pleasure to meet you two.”
Charlie gave her a big grin, giving the woman a curt bow. The princess of hell decided to trust her as she couldn't sense any bad intentions from the older woman and to her, the name [y/n] sounded awfully familiar, she just forgot where she had heard it before. “It is so nice to meet you, I am Charlotte but you can call me Charlie.” Charlie said and [y/n] just grinned as Vaggie decided to just watch the two, still cautious. The older woman's eyes landed on Vaggie and she gave her a grin, “And who might you be?” she asked her and Vaggie just glared at her before avoiding her gaze, “Vaggie.”
[Y/n] just grins, her eyes analyzing the gray haired woman before letting out a small hum before shifting her gaze to the princess. [Y/n]'s heart ached a little to see how much the girl looked exactly like her father. [Y/n] misses him, she wished she did something that could have prevented his fall. Regrets always comes last. She took a deep breath then once more wore a bright smile on her face. Charlie noticed the shift of her mood but decided not to question it.
“So Charlie, I came here as I was curious what your plan for hell is about.” [y/n] says softly, she wasn't there during the meeting Lucifer requested for hell and this time, she promised to be there for his daughter instead. Charlie's eyes sparkled excitedly, excited that an angel aside from that bitch ass Adam would finally listen to her. “Really?!” The princess asked excitedly and [y/n] can only let out a soft chuckle, “Of course, why don't we take a walk while you tell me about it? Your friend can join us too.”
Charlie calmed down and gave the older woman a smile, “Vaggie here is actually my girlfriend.” she says, expecting the older woman to judge her but she was surprised when [Y/n] just ruffled her hair. “My apologies, I didn't know.”
The younger girls were surprised, that an angel didn't show any disgust to their relationship and she even looked like she approved.
“Now then, how about that walk?”
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“And that's what I'm planning, I wished for my people to find redemption and join heaven.” Charlie explained softly, taking a bite of her strawberry cheesecake. Both [y/n] and Charlie sat in a rather peaceful cafe in heaven, angelic sigils circling around them as [y/n] casted them for their privacy. [Y/n] can only smile as she listens to the younger girl who rambles about her plans for her people, [y/n] can't help but remember how similar Charlie is to her father, oh heavens... She missed him so much.
Vaggie didn't join them unfortunately, she said that she wanted to rest a little bit in the guest room.
[y/n] gracefully placed down the cup of coffee she was sipping and gently wiping her lips with a napkin, “That is truly admirable Charlie, to see you have so much hope for your people really reminds me of your father. I really hope it will come to life.” the compliment was almost enough for Charlie to burst into tears, to hear someone praise her plans and believe in it, it felt like a mother praising her.
Though, she was able to stop her tears as she realizes something. Reminds me of your father. [Y/n] and her dad knew each other.
Then Charlie remembers, the stories her dad told her about heaven and the stories he told her about his closest angel friend—the only one who believed in him. She remembers thinking that she felt her dad loved that angel in one way or another, with how fondly he spoke of her—with so much adoration.
“I remember now, you were my father's best friend!” Charlie gasped, a hand over her mouth and [y/n] can only chuckle, a hint of sadness in her eyes. “Were? I still think of him as my best friend.” She chuckles softly, “Though, I don't blame him if he doesn't think the same way as I wasn't able to help him back then.” she continues sadly and Charlie had to wave her arms around to stop her, “Nonono, my father doesn't think like that. You're still his best friend.” Charlie reassured the older woman.
“Really now? How is he these days? I haven't heard from him after so many eons.” [y/n] asked softly with a slight chuckle and Charlie can only sigh with a small smile on her face, “Well... He's still how he usually is. Kind, trying his best for me, and lately he had an obsession with making rubber ducks.” she says with a small giggle making the older woman chuckle, “Thay sounds like him, though surprised that he still loved ducks. He used to ramble to me about random duck facts when he was still here. He was such a dork, I truly missed him.” [y/n] says with a chuckle, a longing look in her eyes.
Charlie was able to put two and two together, her father and this woman loved each other and she can only assume they didn't confess in the fear of ruining their friendship. Charlie loves her parents but a part of her is hoping in a different universe, her father and [y/n] are happy together.
Charlie decided not to mention it to the woman and just continued hanging out with the older woman. “I am sure he misses you too.”
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“The meeting will start in a few hours and Charlie?” [y/n] says softly before summoning a wax sealed white envelope out of thin air, gold sparkling from where the envelope is as it slowly falls into her hands. Charlie looked at her in curiosity, “Can I ask you a favor?” [y/n] asked her hesitantly and Charlie just nodded, “Of course!”
“Can I ask you a favor of delivering this letter to Lucifer?” She asked and gently extended her hand towards the younger girl in which the girl accepted the letter and placed it in her chest pocket. “Of course! My father would be delighted to hear from you.”
“Thank you, Charlie. I appreciate it dearly.” [y/n] smiled softly as she stood up from her seat, extending her hand to help the hell princess up from her seat. “Now, let me walk you back to your room so you can get ready for your meeting.”
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Now the princess of hell wishes the other angels were just as understanding as [y/n]. Even though the meeting didn't go as planned, she felt reassured as both Emily and [y/n] were there in the court room.
“What are we even talkin' about? Some crack-whore who fucked up already? He blew his shot, like the cocks in his mouth. This discussion is senseless and petty.” Lute sneers with an annoyed glare, putting on her mask. Though, Charlie can feel her patience thinning, her eyes glaring at the angels.
The other angels looking down on the scene happening below, [y/n] looking worried for her while glaring at Adam and Lute. “There's no question to be posed, he's unholy, case closed. Did you forget that 'Hell is forever'?” Adam and Lute sang mockingly and [y/n] could feel her anger starting to boil. She always hated Adam, that egoistical prick, she looked up at Sera as if asking her to stop this nonsense.
“A man only lives once, we'll see you in one month. Gotta say, I can't wait to—” Adam sang and [y/n] noticed Sera getting worried, “Adam.” Sera says sternly but it seems the man was too busy to hear her, “Come down and exterminate you!”
At that moment, loud ringing was only what [y/n] heard as she was shocked to hear him say that. Exterminate...? Don't tell me...? [Y/n] asked herself before glaring at Sera, the other angels were also shocked by the reveal.
“Wait!” Emily exclaimed, shocked by the reveal and Adam just noticed his slip up, “Shit.”
“What are you saying? Let me get this straight, you go down there and kill those poor souls?” Emily asked, horrified as she slowly flies down towards Charlie, holding her hand, “You didn't know?” Charlie asked and Emily shook her head. “Whoops!” Adam says, not a care in the world, “Guess the cat's out of the bag.” Lute says with a smirk, “What's the big deal?” Adam asked with a condescending smirk and [y/n] wished she could go down there and punch him.
“Sera, tell me that you didn't know...” both Emily and [y/n] asked simultaneously, though, Sera was just looking at Emily. [Y/n] was pissed at this whole revelation, human souls are killed in heaven by the hands that are supposed to be pure holiness. To think about blood staining those hands, fills her with disgust.
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The whole courtroom was a mess, [y/n] doesn't remember what exactly happened. The reveal that Vaggie was an angel didn't surprise her, she can sense the girl's angelic blood but the reveal that Sera was the one who ordered for the extermination to happen, filled her with rage.
“Charlie! Don't lose hope! We will find a way to help you!” Emily says as we watched Vaggie and Charlie be sucked by a portal back to hell, “Don't give up! We'll find a way!” [y/n] added, making sure the two girls heard. Sera glared at her and [y/n] glared back.
That's what Charlie last saw, Emily looking worried and disappointed but what worried her was Sera and [y/n] started arguing, angelic powers starting to spark between them and that was the last thing she saw as she returned back in hell. Thankfully, the letter was safe in her pocket.
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sp0o0kylights · 9 months
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Give meee: an Eddie who went into a small little bookshop on an Indie trip and stumbled across an in person fandom meeting. 
It's mostly Star Trek, and also mostly women, but the stories they have are nothing like Eddie's ever read. 
He's barely a teenager, and already protective of himself and his real identity--but everything he's ever wanted is written down, right here, on a little zine with Kirk and Spock doodled on the cover. 
They’re not--it’s not obvious, that they’re what he is, but the story itself is blatant and Eddie ends up being so obviously close to tears, he accidentally outs himself without ever saying a word. 
(He also ends up on the mailing list, then being sent home with several hand printed copies of all kinds of zines.) 
Eddie would remain on this list well past his third senior year in high school. 
Past bats, and Vecna and Steve fucking Harrington. 
Flash forward to his first apartment.The tiny one he shares with Steve when they followed Nancy and Robin to college. 
Steve knows Eddie’s gay. 
Or rather, Steve has been told, but Eddie's still pretty clammed up about it. He's not yet where Robin is, ready to bemoan her loveless existence while draped over their crappy, thrifted couch.
He makes jokes and he flirts and he absolutely says things he shouldn't, but none of it is real. 
It's flash. Showmanship. 
It's the persona that yes, is him, but Eddie consciously built it. There’s nothing soft or gooey there, nothing anyone can use to hurt him. 
So when he comes home and sees that plain, padded envelope with the neatly printed label on the counter, torn wide open and flat without its contents?
 Eddie panics. 
His heart thunders in his chest, vision tunneling as adrenaline kicks through him. 
He wants to bolt-- should bolt--except ever since he almost died his brain no longer obeys him. 
Not when it comes to running, anyway. 
Instead it fights him to a standstill, freezing his feet right to the living room floor. 
The urge is still there. 
To run, and save face the cowards way. 
Vanish before Steve could get at a part of him that had once kept Eddie out of Wayne’s trailer for two days, until the old man had hunted him down and made him come home, huffing about how he’d love Eddie no matter what but he better never disappear like that again. 
(Which Eddie did anyway, and of everything that happened with Vecna, it’s that he regrets the most. The stories he heard of Wayne putting up posters. Squaring off with angry, too-righteous townies, and--)
A sniffle jerks him out of his thoughts. 
Eddie gasps, entirely unsure of when he stopped breathing. Stumbles back and turns, right in time for Steve to come out of his room and amble down their hallway. 
One hand rubs at his eyes, and the other is--the other has…
Eddie identifies the cheaply printed, stapled zine immediately. It's one he's wanted to read for a while now, solely because it features a story about Kirk and Spock being stuck in a cave together on a planet that has  bat-like, vicious animals on it. 
Kirk gets bitten after something goes wrong with the transporter and, look, it’s carthiatic okay!? Sue a guy for wanting to read a romance about a situation he identifies with! 
Steve looks up from the zine and startles. 
For a second his eyes go dark and flat, the same way Eddies and Robins and Nancy's and everyone's does when caught off guard. 
It's gone in a flash though, Steve visibly relaxing when he clocks that it's just Eddie. 
He keeps the zine pressed to his sweater clad chest,  and huffs out a laugh that's half forced and half pure relief.
“Fuck Eds, you scared me! I didn’t know you could be quiet.” 
“Uh huh.” Eddie manages, voice sounding totally and absolutely normal and not at all ten octaves higher than it usually is. 
They stare at each other for a second. Long enough that Steve's eyebrows crinkle in the middle, which is the first hint that he’s beginning to worry, and Eddie really cannot handle Steve being worried right now.  
“What's--” Eddie’s voice cracks and he coughs to recover. “what's that?” 
Steve frowns at him for a moment, until Eddie gestures at the zine in his hands. 
“Oh!”
Steve holds it up, as if to show it off. 
“It's a little book Robin got in the mail. It has a bunch of stories in it. They're normally boring as fuck but this one's from Star Trek.” 
Hearing the words ‘Star Trek’ out of Steve’s mouth shouldn’t be weird, not anymore, when Eddie and Dustin have been on a two man mission to nerdify Harrington as much as possible, but it still kicks like a mule to hear him say such things without any prompting. 
“You know what Star Trek is?”
“Eddie,” Steve tuts, tongue clicking in his mouth. “everyone knows what Star Trek is. It’s nerd shit, but like, old nerd shit. My grandparents used to watch it when I stayed over. This?” 
 He shakes the zine, so hard Eddie wants to snatch it away from him.
 “This isn't nerd shit. This is excellent.”
Steve gives the zine an appreciative glance and hell, maybe Eddie accidentally walked into another dimension. 
He’s been trying to get Steve to read more, rediscover the joys of books the public school system does its best to destroy, but until now Steve hasn’t really taken to it. 
Enjoys when Eddie reads aloud sometimes, and has started to bug Robin to do it for him too, but otherwise?
Eddie’s nerve seen him with anything that had the written word on it that wasn’t a cooking or car related magazine. 
“Honestly,” Steve’s saying, “I think Robs fucked up, this isn't her style at all. She’s gonna be pissed.” 
He eyes the thing appreciatively, like the gift it is. 
“I'm stealing it the second she figures that out.” He adds decisively. 
“You like it?” Eddie asks. 
“Mmm.” 
“Even though it's--it's got…Kirk…” 
Steve's frowning at him again. “What?” 
“It's queer man. It's really queer.” 
Steve peers at him, the crinkle back in his eyebrows. 
“I know. Wait, how do you--” 
And well. It’s now or never. 
“It's mine.” Eddie says in a rush.
“No it's not.” Steve scoffs, and okay, maybe this is a dream. Eddie pinched himself twice already, but perhaps a third time would wake him up?
(It does not.)
“it was even addressed to Robin. Well,” Steve has one hand on a hip now, his default position when arguing, “Robbie, but she goes by that sometimes.” 
Which Robin does, but not in the fucking mail.
Without a word, Eddie turns and goes for the envelope the zine came in. 
Steve follows, invading Eddie’s space to peer over his shoulder (and that’s Eddie’s fault too, that closeness, but he didn’t think it would be turned on him in a moment like this--) 
There's a sticker on the envelope’s label.
 It’s barely hanging on, half of it curled into the air.  Round and yellow, with little black lines, it becomes immediately obvious that one of Robin's smiley face stickers has migrated again. 
They're all over the apartment. Remnants of a phase she went through after she stole a roll of them from her and Steve’s job at a local toy store.
This one had clearly jumped ship from its original spot (likely on the ceiling somewhere), and was now firmly over the E in Eddie's name. 
‘Ddie’ still isn't exactly ‘Obbie’  but--
Steve leans around, snatching the envelope up and bringing it close to his face. 
Far too close, like he can't read it, eyes squinting as he examines the label--and suddenly Eddie knows exactly what happened. 
He laughs, an explosion of noise that's half hysterical and half disbelief. 
Steve looks at him. 
“What?” 
“Oh my God,” Eddie says, one finger jabbing in the air in the vague direction of Steve’s nose. “I told you you needed glasses!” 
“I do not!” Steve protests immediately, but his eyes are darting around the envelope. 
He’s scrambling to figure out what Eddie’s seeing, trying desperately to find a hole that can prove himself right. 
Eddie decides to help him, by plucking the smiley sticker off the envelope. 
“See?” He jeers, and shit okay, maybe his life isn’t over just yet. “It says Eddie, not Robbie!” 
“You guys have got to start using your government names for this shit.” Steve bitches, but it’s weak.
Eddie feels a grin coming on, and lets it overtake his face. 
“So...Kirk and Spock huh?” 
“They’re cute.” Steve defends instantly, before sighing his defeat and tossing the envelope on the table. 
The zine he keeps in his hands. 
Eddie crosses his arms and leans against their rickety table. “Even though they’re both guys?” 
“I thought we were past this!” Steve whines. “I went to a gay bar with Robin last weekend!” 
Which is news to Eddie. 
“You didn’t invite me?” He gasps, feigning hurt by putting a hand over his heart. 
Truthfully he still hasn’t fully recovered--is play acting himself, almost, but is rapidly coming around to the idea of Steve appreciating queer fanfiction. 
“We did!” Steve rolls his eyes so dramatically his whole head moves. “We absolutely did, You said,” 
Here Steve’s voice pitches into a mockery of Eddie’s  that he will not give him points for, even if it is a little hilarious, “Me? At some loser bar? Fuck no, I’ve got a campaign to write. Starbuck, don’t you have homework?” 
“I didn’t know that was a gay bar!” 
“You did! Robin told you!” 
“Okay well, I wasn’t listening!”  
“Clearly. I keep telling you we need a fucking--system or, I don’t know, a code word or something!”  
“Yeah well, when you wanna make us a safe word for conversations, big boy, you let me know.” 
They’re both laughing a little now, this argument veering into familiar territory, with Eddie not really listening and Steve mocking him for it later. (As well as vice versa, with startling regularity.) 
“You really like it though?”  Eddie says after the laughter winds down, gesturing to the zine still clutched in Steve’s hand. 
“Yeah.” Steve confirms, easy as he’s said anything else. Like this isn’t embarrassing, or almost worse than the time Wayne found Eddie’s porno mags and alphabetized them as a joke. 
“It's part of a mail tree. I’m supposed to send it on to the next person when I’m done with it. I make copies though,” Eddie rushes to add, because Steve is now clutching the little booklet to his chest in horror, as if Eddie was about to rip it out of his hands. “If you like I’ll show you my other ones?” 
Steve eases his grip, giving Eddie the little smile he makes that makes his stomach flip. 
“That’d be cool.” 
(Later, Steve pokes at Eddie’s thigh from where they’re both sprawled on Eddie’s bed, Steve having switched the new zine out for one of Eddie’s copies. “Are you going to laugh at me if I ask you to read some of these aloud?” 
“Only if you don’t laugh when I ask you to take me to that gay bar.” 
“Deal, but on the grounds you’re barred from making fun of my flirting attempts. Robin doing it was bad enough.” 
“Well you deserve it if you’re hitting on women at a gay bar, Stevie.” 
“I wasn't hitting on women you asshole.” Steve says and oh.
Oh.
Eddie feels the floor drop out from under him for the second time that day. 
At least this time it’s not fear that thunders through him, but possibility.) 
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bueckers · 25 days
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UNFINISHED BUSINESS ━━━ paige bueckers ( 2 )
synopsis: putting an end to everything, drea thinks she’s totally and completely done with paige bueckers. that is until the blonde is finally honest with her.
pairing: paige bueckers x fem oc
warnings: angst and smut. they’re so toxic but also like made for each other.. alcohol use, scissoring, fingering, lots of paige’s hands.
notes: another long one so there wasn’t any major cliffhangers, hopefully this makes up for the wait.. :) also a paige & flau’jae feature because i love them sm.
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The morning sunlight filters through the hotel curtains, and she’s sitting at the edge of the bed. I can feel the space next to me where she was lying, still warm but empty now. She’s moving around, getting dressed, and I’m fighting the urge to reach out and pull her back into bed. But I know I shouldn’t.
“You don’t have to go yet,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. It’s more of a plea than an offer, and I hate how desperate I sound. I can see her hesitate, her back to me as she fiddles with her shirt. For a second, I think she might stay, but then she turns to face me, and I can see the determination in her eyes. Why was it so difficult for me to just say it?
“Except I do. We never actually talked… if you missed that part,” she says, and I try to ignore the slight raise in her voice.
In attempt to busy myself, I grab my shirt from off the ground and pull it over my head. “The whole point of last night was to avoid that, Drea. We ain’ gotta talk about it.” I respond, and I’m only half joking, but I still wince at how much of a dick I sound.
She’s serious, and instead of agreeing or starting an argument, she ignores it. “Look,” she starts, and I can see her struggling to find the right words, her eyes glued to the bedsheets. Not me. I want to tell her she doesn’t have to say anything, that I get it, she deserved an explanation. But I don’t want to make it easy for her. Not when I know this is probably the last time we’re going to be like this.
“Last night.. it shouldn’t have happened.”
I furrow my eyebrows. "You don’t gotta say that. It’s not like we didn’t both want it,” I huff out.
She looks at me a certain way, and I can tell she hasn’t put much thought into what she’s saying. But she’s saying it anyway. "That’s not what I mean," she says quickly, like she’s trying to fix it. "I’m not saying I didn’t want it. I just… I shouldn’t have let things get so deep between us. How things ended.. it’s my fault.”
Her fault? She shouldn’t have let things get so deep? Theres no way she means these things, right? She stands there, biting her lip, and I know she’s waiting for me to say something. My throat feels tight, and my mind is a mess. I’m caught between wanting to shout at her, to tell her how wrong she is, and just shutting down completely.
This is Drea. The one person who’s always known how to get under my skin, in ways both good and bad. And now, while she’s standing right in front of me, telling me she regrets how deep we got, that basically, she thinks I cut her off because she caught feelings, I can’t help but feel like a fool. I spent so much time convincing myself that she didn’t feel the way I did, that I’d imagined the whole thing. Now it turns out she was in it too. And I don’t know what to do with that.
I wanna tell her to stop, to not say anything more. But I can’t let myself be that vulnerable, not when I’ve spent so long trying to protect whatever pieces of myself I have left. This is, like, the biggest joke of my life, and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
When I finally do speak, my voice comes out quieter than I expect, almost detached. “So, what now? We just pretend none of this ever mattered?”
Drea’s eyes meet mine, and for a moment, I see something flicker in them—regret, maybe, or doubt. It seems like this is the most straightforward conversation we’ve had about the way we actually feel, and everything’s coming to light and an end at the same time. Just as quickly, she pushes it away, her expression hardening, and it makes every dot in my mind connect. “I’m not saying it didn’t matter. It did. That’s why we need to stop.” She’s trying so hard to be the rational one, to be the one who ends this cleanly. But nothing about this is clean.
I nod slowly, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Fine. If that’s what you want.” God, I even sound bitter.
She looks at me like she’s searching for something—maybe a reason to stay, or maybe just confirmation that this is the right choice. But then she sighs, her shoulders sagging with the weight of it all, and I know nothing, at least in this moment, would change her mind about me.
“Please take care of yourself.” She kept me grounded when I couldn’t find my footing, and those words just feel so cruel. It sounded like we’d never be speaking again, and I hated that thought.
I nod, unable to trust my voice, and then she’s gone. And just like that, it’s over. Or at least, it’s supposed to be.
A few days pass in a blur, and my time in Phoenix is slowly coming to an end. It’s safe to say the events of the city had only temporarily kept my mind off of everything, and now I’m sitting in a bar with Flau’jae, trying my best not to let the rain cloud over my head poke out. She’s talking, animated as ever, but I’m only half-listening, my mind drifting back to Drea more often than I’d like to admit.
“You’re not even listening to me, are you?” Her voice cuts through my thoughts, pulling me back to the present.
I blink, forcing out a smile. “Sorry,” I apologize, stretching my arms out in a way to reset. “I’m listening now. Promise.”
Flau’jae narrows her eyes at me, clearly not buying it. “Nah, you’re not,” she says, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair. “What’s got you so deep in thought? You’ve been acting like you’re here, but not really here, y’know?”
I shrug, trying to play it off. “Just tired, I guess. Been a long week.”
She studies me for a moment, her gaze sharp. “Uh-huh. And this long week wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain someone, would it?”
I bite my lip, trying to stay cool. Flau’jae doesn’t know about Drea and me—no one does, really. We made sure of that. But if anyone’s gonna pick up on something, it’s her. I should’ve known better than to think I could just sit here and pretend everything’s fine.
“Maybe,” I say vaguely, hoping that’s enough to satisfy her curiosity. “I just got a lot on my mind, I’m fine,” I reassure, furrowing my eyebrows as if it was nothing to worry about.
She raises an eyebrow, leaning in like she’s about to uncover some big secret. “Stuff, huh? Girl stuff?”
I roll my eyes, trying to play it off. “You’re too nosy for your own good, you know that?”
She grins, laughing a little. “Paige! Come on, spill. Who is she?”
I hesitate, and for a second, I consider telling her everything. But that’s a slippery slope, and I’m not ready to go there. So instead, I won’t reveal too much. “It’s complicated,” I sigh.
Flau’jae crosses her arms, fully intrigued. “Complicated how?” She could be a detective.
I sigh, raking a hand through my hair. “Just... complicated. Things didn’t end the way they were supposed to. And now I’m stuck trying to figure out what to do next.”
She nods slowly, taking that in. “So, you and this girl… y’all were close?”
“Yeah,” I huff out, nodding as I press my lips together. “Real close.”
Flau’jae gives me a knowing look. “Thats who you was texting last night at the game?”
“Maybe,” I drag out, a shit-eating grin gracing my face. Then I slip up. “I was jus’ too scared to say anything to her face.”
Her eyes widen, and she brings a hand up to cusp her lips. It takes me a bit to realize, and as soon as I do, she cuts me off. Damn it. “Thats why you was hugging her a little too long after the final buzzer.”
“Hey! I ain’ even say a name,” I say quickly and louder than intended, trying to backtrack.
She leans forward, eyes wide with amusement. “You didn’t have to! You gave me everything I needed to know. Paige, what the hell? You and Drea, for real? I didn’t know you had game like that.”
I jerk my head back, scrunching my face up at her. There was no doubt that Drea was one of the prettiest faces in the game, and the fact that she can ball too just really adds to it. “I can show you what these rizz hands can do,” I joked momentarily. “It wasn’t even supposed to be a thing, though. We kept it on the low for a reason.”
Flau’jae shakes her head, holding her lips a little tighter now. “You know what Twitter would do with this? You been out here sneaky-linking and didn’t even give me a heads-up?”
Sneaky-linking? Was that really what it was? “Can we stop talking about this?” I say, half-laughing despite myself.
“And y’all met in high school, too. That’s some next-level soulmatism or something.”
I chuckle, licking my lips as I lift up my drink. The clinking of the ice fills the silence, and I’m able to put a close to the conversation. “It’s over now, anyway. Doesn’t matter.” It’s a lie. We’d clearly went over that it did matter.
Flau’jae studies me for a moment, her eyes narrowing as if she can see right through me. But then she lifts her hands up in surrender, a smirk playing on her lips. “Alright, if it’s really over, how about you find someone tonight? You could use it if I’m being honest,” She retorts, referring to the mood I’ve been in the entire night because of my situation.
“Chill!” I laugh, shaking my head as I lean back in my chair myself. “You make it sound so easy.”
She shrugs, and I hesitate, taking a second to let my eyes wander around the bar. A couple of eyes meet mine, lingering longer than what’s considered normal. I’m not sure if they might know who I am, or just think I’m attractive. Or maybe both.
Flau’jae seems to notice too, shooting me a wild and bright smile. “See? you still got it. Just make a good choice.”
The car hums beneath me, the city lights flashing past as I sink into the leather of the backseat, my head leaning against the window. I can still taste the alcohol on my tongue, and my mind is replaying the past few hours like a hazy, disconnected reel. All I can think about is her.
You’d think after a night out I’d at least be able to get the mass of Drea off my mind, but I think it just made everything worse. No matter how hard I try to push her out, physically and emotionally, she’s always there, right on the edge of my thoughts.
I pull my phone out of my pocket, my thumb hovering over her contact. I know I shouldn’t text her. I know it’s a bad idea. But our last conversation on repeat and the emptiness from earlier are making my judgment untrustworthy, and before I can stop myself, I’m typing out a message.
Yo, you up?
I stare at the screen, the words staring back at me. It’s a weak attempt, but I’m past caring. A part of me almost hopes she won’t respond, that she’ll leave me to deal with the consequences of my choices alone. But then I add another text, like I can’t help myself.
Idc if you’re not
It feels like a challenge. Like I’m daring her to ignore me, to stay out of it. But I know that’s not what I want.
I swallow hard and send one last message, my fingers trembling slightly as I type.
You still in Phoenix, right?
The words hang there, waiting for her response. My heart pounds in my chest, and I can’t tell if it’s from the countless amounts of dirty shirley’s or the anticipation of hearing from her. Or both. I really hope I don’t throw up in this car.
I lean back in the seat in attempt to relax, but I can literally hear my heart beating. I wonder if the driver can, really. I don’t know what I’m hoping for, but I know that if she’s still here, if she answers… I’m not sure I’ll be able to resist whatever comes next.
The minutes stretch out in silence, broken only by the occasional sound of the car’s tires hitting a pothole. I keep my eyes glued to the screen, watching the three little dots appear and disappear. I should put my phone away, maybe even go back to the hotel and sleep this off, but I can’t. I’m too far gone for that.
The Uber turns down another quiet street, and I feel the weight of my decisions pressing down on me. It’s not just about tonight. It’s about all the nights that led up to this, every bad choice that brought me to this moment. The thought of facing it alone is unbearable, and I realize that’s why I texted her. Not because I want her to come over, but because I don’t want to be alone. Or that I do, just with her.
My phone buzzes in my hand, and I almost drop it in my rush to check the screen.
Why?
A single word, blunt and to the point. She’s guarded, as usual. But the fact that she responded at all makes me happy enough.
I just… I hesitate, staring at the blinking cursor. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say, but I settle on honesty.
Just wanna see you. Is that so bad?
I hit send before I can second-guess myself. My fingers hover over the screen again, and then I add another message.
I don’t wanna stop seeing you fr
It’s more than I planned to say, more vulnerable than I planned to be, but it’s the truth. And I’m too tired of pretending otherwise.
The reply comes quickly this time, and I can almost hear her voice in the words.
Are you drunk texting me right now?
And no, you mean you don’t wanna stop fucking me
Her words hit me like a punch in the gut, and for a moment, I just stare at the screen, the bright light from my phone casting harsh shadows in the dark car. I can feel the truth in what she’s saying, but it’s only part of it. Yeah, we’ve been physical, and I’m not denying that’s been a big part of this whole thing, but it’s not just that.
No, Drea. It’s more than that. We both know it always was.
You said it three days ago.
I hesitate before hitting send, but I know I have to. I can’t keep hiding behind the bullshit. She deserves better than that even if she won’t appreciate it.
The reply doesn’t come right away, and the silence feels like it’s pressing in on me from all sides. I shift in my seat. This whole thing—this whole night—feels like I’m balancing on a razor’s edge, and I’m terrified of falling off.
When her response finally comes, it’s short.
It’s 2am.
Ok, it’s not ideal. but I can’t stop thinking about everything you said.
And everything I didn’t say.
There’s another long pause, and I can almost picture her on the other end, trying to figure out what to say. We’ve been dancing around each other for so long, caught up in this push and pull, and now it feels like we’re on the verge of something, but neither of us knows how to take the next step.
Then, her next message comes through, and it’s enough to make my chest tighten. It’s hesitant but willing.
Where are you?
Outside your hotel.
Her reply is instant this time.
Come up.
I shove my phone into my pocket and step out of the Uber, my mind on a million as I make my way to her room. Every step feels heavy as if I’m walking through mud, but there’s a part of me that knows this is where I need to be—where I’ve always needed to be.
When I reach her door, it swings open almost as soon as I knock, and there she is, standing in front of me. Her eyes are guarded, just like her text messages, but I can see something softer underneath. Something that tells me she’s just as scared of this as I am.
“Paige,” she says, her voice a little wistful as she fiddles with the door knob. She looks me up and down, almost as if I’m being examined before I’m allowed in.
I don’t know what to say, so I just step forward, closing the distance between us. “I’m not drunk,” I state, shooting down her concerns from a few moments ago. She wouldn’t proceed if there was a chance I wouldn’t remember anything in the morning.
She looks at me for another long moment, like she’s trying to decide if she believes me. Then, with a sigh, she steps aside, letting me in. The door closes behind me with a soft click, and I lean against it. Suddenly we’re alone in her room, the reality of the situation settling around us.
“I know I shouldn’t have texted. But I did, and I’m glad I’m here.” I ramble, although still stern.
She sighs, and the curls that fall perfectly over her shoulders bounce a bit. Shes in a pair of short pajama shorts and a long, grey Nike tee-shirt that could’ve been mine. Correction, it definitely is mine. “You’re making this so much harder than it has to be.”
“It doesn’t have to be hard. We can make it less complicated.” I try to reason.
She stiffens, her breath catching as she looks at me, her eyes searching mine. “I—“
“I’m serious,” I cut her off, my voice low as I step closer to her. I couldn’t tell you what I was thinking. “I don’t know when I’m gonna see you again. And I can’t… I can’t leave tomorrow without letting you know how much I care.”
I don’t say it out loud, but the words are there, hanging in the air between us. I love you. And I’m sorry. But I can’t bring myself to say it. I don’t know why. Instead, I just hope she can feel it, hoping she knows without me having to spell it out.
“You can’t keep doing this,” she says quietly, her back turned to me as she walks further into the room. “Running to me when you’re feeling lost. It’s not fair.”
“I know,” I admit, taking a step closer. “But I’ont know how to stop. I’ve tried, but… since you’ve been apart of my life it’s been hard to let you go. I don’t wanna lose you—“
“You already did,” she cuts me off, turning to face me, and it scares me how serious she sounds. There’s pain in her eyes, but there’s also something else—something that makes me hope, even if just for a second. “We both did.”
I close the gap between us, and I can tell it catches her by surprise because of the look she gives me. My hands gently cup her face. “Then why am I here? Why did you let me in again?”
She glances down at my lips, and despite being angry, she doesn’t respond with words. Physicality has always been our response for everything involving each other. It’s all we know. She leans into my touch, and it feels like a birthday gift. Her eyes flutter shut before she opens them again, and it’s enough to make me lean in, pressing my lips to hers in a kiss that’s more desperate than anything else.
She kisses me back, her hands finding their way to my shoulders as she pulls me closer, and for a moment, it feels like everything else fades away. It’s just us, tangled up in each other, trying to find something solid to hold onto.
But then she pulls back, breathless, her hands still resting on my shoulders. She’s looking down, like she’s fighting some internal battle. “Oh my God,” she whispers, shaking her head. “You are drunk.”
“I told you I’m not,” I murmur, trying to find her eyes and pull her back to me by the waist, but she resists, her fingers gripping my shoulders tighter. Her resistance is strong, her fingers digging into my shoulders as if she’s trying to push away the intensity of the moment. “Please, Drea.”
She shakes her head, eyes still averted. “I can taste the alcohol!” She brings her thumb up to brush over my lips. “I knew it, why the fuck would you lie?” She’s trying to walk away at this point, but my grip is too tough. I won’t let her go.
“No, listen,” I say, more eager and clear. “What I said, what I meant—none of that has to do with being drunk. I’m here because I need you. Because I want you. This isn’t just about tonight.”
Drea’s resolve falters, her eyes flickering back to mine with her perfectly arched eyebrows crinkling up just a bit. “You’re saying all the right things, but I can’t just ignore—”
I cut her off by pulling her closer, my grip firm but gentle on her hips. My thumbs move beneath her shirt, stroking her skin and feeling the muscle. “I know.” My lips are ghosting over her ear. “But please, just for tonight, let’s not think about it.” I press a kiss right below it. “Just be with me. Let’s just be here.”
“Paige..” she starts again, her voice softer this time, and I love it when she says my name. I lean in, silencing her with a kiss that’s both insistent and tender. She melts into it, her resistance breaking as she wraps her arms around my neck. Shes quick to sneak her tongue in, the movement making me wince, furrowing my brows at how good she tastes.
I guide her backward until her knees hit the edge of the bed, and she falls onto it with a soft thud. I follow her down, my body pressing against hers as our kiss grows more fervent. My hands explore her curves, skimming over the fabric of her shirt as it rides up, and I feel her shiver beneath me.
“Is this mine?” I breathe against her lips, the warmth of her hands on my cheeks making my face flush a vibrant red. Drea nods, her breath hitching as she catches the look in my eyes. Without another word, I grab the hem of her shirt and yank it up over her head, tossing it aside. The shirt hits the floor, and she starts giggling like a school girl, her chest now fully exposed and daunting.
The sound of her laughter makes my stomach flip, and I can’t help but grin, leaning down to capture her mouth in another kiss. This time, there’s no hesitation, no holding back. Our bodies press together, her skin warm and soft against mine, like it was made for me.
My hands begin to wander a bit too much, all the way down to her shorts. Slipping my hand in, I can already feel how wet she is. She lets out a soft gasp as I trace slow, deliberate circles against her clit firmly. “Tell me what you want, baby,” I whisper, my breath fanning over her neck.
Her body has always reacted to every touch, every word. She’s trying to stay composed, but I can tell she’s barely holding on. Her hips instinctively push against my hand, silently begging for more, but I keep my movements steady, torturously slow and sloppy. I want to hear her say it.
“You,” she breathes out, her voice wavering. She’s antsy, I can feel it—the way her muscles tense, the way her breath comes in shallow pants.
“C’mon,” I murmur, nipping at her earlobe. “You can do better than that.”
She whimpers, her hands gripping my shoulders, nails digging into my skin as she tries to find the words. “Please… I need—” She breaks off, a soft moan escaping her lips when I press harder, right where she needs it most.
But then she grabs my wrist, stopping me just before she can fall over the edge. Her eyes lock with mine, and they’re low, dark, and daring. Three words that are very Drea. “Stop,” she says, her voice firmer now, even though I can tell it’s taking all her willpower. “I wanna feel you.”
The way she says it—so raw, so desperate—it’s enough to make me slip into a trance. I pull back, my gaze lingering on her as I strip off the rest of my clothes, watching as she does the same. Every inch of her is so perfect to the point where it should be a crime, and I want to touch every part.
I lay back on the bed, and she climbs on top of me, her movements deliberate and careful as she positions herself right over the bottom half of my body. I let my hands slide down her sides, tracing the curve of her waist before coming to rest on her ass. I tilt my head slightly against the pillows, mouth slightly agape. I can’t resist giving her a gentle squeeze, eliciting a soft noise from her. I smile, and my hands linger there, holding her close as she settles into place. We’ve done this countless amounts of times, and every single time it feels different. Better.
“You’re so fuckin’ sexy, you know that?” I pull her hips down, aligning our bodies perfectly, and the feeling of her heat against mine makes my breath catch, but I’m still focused. “Could stay like this all night.”
Drea licks her lips, her eyes fluttering closed for a moment as she adjusts herself, the friction and jolting of our bodies a whole whirlpool of pleasure. “You better,” she whispers back, a teasing smile tugging at her lips as her hands grip my legs so she can find herself.
Slowly, she starts to move, her hips grinding down against mine in a smooth rhythm. Every slide of her body against me is agonizingly perfect, and I can’t help the groan that escapes as she finds a pace that makes my whole body push up against her.
My eyebrows furrow as I take sight of where we meet, her pussy flat against mine. The squelching of our juices together fills the room, and I lose it. Maybe the alcohol is accentuating the feeling for me, or she’s just this good. “Fuck…” I breathe out, my hands roaming up her back, feeling the muscles flex and move beneath her skin. “You feel so good. Always so good.”
Her response is a soft moan, her head falling forward slightly as she loses herself. I let my hands slide back down to her ass, guiding her movements, making sure every grind, every brush of our bodies, hits just right. I can feel her trembling, her thighs shaking as she picks up the pace, chasing that high.
I can’t resist teasing her a little, my hands kneading her ass as she rides me, my fingers brushing just along the edge of her entrance, close enough to make her squirm but not enough to give her what she really wants. She lets out a frustrated moan, hips moving harder, trying to get more.
“Paige!” she groans, voice full of need and just the right amount of anger, her breath coming out in ragged pants. “Stop playing with me. I can’t take it.”
My grip tightens, and I keep her exactly where I want her, reaching up to tuck a loose curl behind her ear, my fingers lingering as I brush my thumb gently along her cheek. “You can take it, baby,” I whisper. “I know you can.”
She looks at me with those pleading eyes, her breath hitching as she adjusts herself, arching her back more. The movement pushes her even closer to me, our bodies pressing together, and the feeling almost sends me over the edge.
Without warning, I dip two fingers into her entrance, the sight too pretty to resist. It makes her gasp, her body collapsing forward against me. Our skin sticks together, warm too from the sweat, and her chest is pressing against mine as she struggles to catch her breath.
Before she can lose herself entirely, I slide my hand to her lower stomach, pushing her back up, guiding her into place. “Nah, stay up w’me, ma.” My voice is shaky with the effort of holding it together. Out of breath, mouth wide open. “Hold that shit.”
She whines out, her voice high and so pornographic. “Mm—oh, I can’t…” Her words trail off into a desperate moan, her body shuddering as my fingers move in that come-hither motion, curling inside her just right. The feeling of her slick is almost too much to bear, making my head spin.
I push through, keeping her steady even as I feel myself starting to lose control. “You can,” I pant, my breath coming out in ragged bursts. “So close, I know you can do it.”
She’s trembling, her thighs shaking as she tries to follow my command, but I can see the strain on her face, her dilated pupils, the way she’s fighting to keep herself together. My fingers work faster, deeper, and she bites down so hard on her lip I swear it might bleed.
Finally, when I feel her body tighten around me, right on the edge of breaking, I tap her ass lightly with my palm and pull my fingers out just enough to catch everything. “Now, baby. Come for me.”
The moment I say it, she lets go, and we come together, our bodies moving in sync, the room filled with strangled noises. The pleasure is blinding, overwhelming, and I cling to her as we ride it out. She’s finally able to fall on top of me comfortably, hand resting on my chest.
We stay like that for a moment, tangled together, both of us shaking with the aftershocks, until we finally start to come down. I press a soft kiss to her temple, my heart still racing (for more than one reason I’ll admit) as I hold her close.
I can feel her hesitance, scared to move or say anything. But I can also feel her tiredness, the way her body sags against mine like she’s too worn out to keep up any walls.
Gently, I shift, moving my body so I’m laid up next to her, our limbs tangling together naturally. My arm stays draped around her, holding her close as she nestles her head into the crook of my neck, her breath warm against my skin. It feels good—too good—like maybe we could stay like this forever if we didn’t know better.
“I want you to mean what you said. All of it.” 
Her words hang, and I can feel her hesitation, the fear that I’m just saying things because it’s easier than dropping the bomb or just straight losing her. I swallow, pulling her closer.
“You’ont think I did?”
“Paige.”
“Drea, I do.”
She doesn’t respond right away, just presses herself deeper into me, like she’s trying to believe it, trying to let herself see us being more than what we are right now without it turning into shit. I know how hard that is, how many times we’ve proven we aren’t made for each other.
“Then prove it,” she finally murmurs, her voice a little stronger now, like she’s challenging me, daring me to back it up.
I nod against her, not sure if she can even feel it, but I know what she means. It’s not about words anymore—it’s about what comes next, and whether we can make it work. “I will,” I promise, and for once, I really believe it.
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l3mtea · 5 months
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If you want some story behind this comic, it’s just below this lil comic <3
Oh.
His quiet reverie shatters when pieces of odd moments he’s had with the fallen are forming together like a jigsaw puzzle fitting on each other perfectly.
His reckless actions to gain favor of the fallen’s emotion and attention, his unusual chattiness whenever a squabble with the king begins. Disagreeing and debating such nonsensical topics that he wouldn’t even dare to try and win over but becomes possible if it’s against the king.
Such mundane things became a thrill of joy whenever it was with the king.
The fallen has been slowly becoming a reason for his enjoyment, his everything that makes living in hell all the more fun.
He can never get over the expressions the king shows only at him, his fake smiles will always disappear when it comes to him.
It’s truly a joy.
And that brings him down to a revelation he wished he should’ve not known.
He likes Lucifer.
Terrifyingly, maybe even more so than he’d like to admit.
This revelation might change his view on Lucifer, in a lot of ways if he’s being honest.
But he throws this knowledge out of his mind. He’ll get over it someday. He’s sure of it.
Months went on and slowly, he realized he and the king had some similarities— or something they both have in agreement at least.
Lucifer likes his jokes. It was surprising, really. He simply remarked an off-handed pun towards his colleagues with expectations of none showing such enthusiasm on his jokes— except one did.
He hears the fallen snicker and laughs quietly. A sound he’d unexpectedly find lovely to his ears. A music that he can never get rid of even until today.
It became his purpose to make jokes and make the king laugh— and he didn’t regret doing so.
He tells a silly joke and the king laughs loud, his head falling back and smiling brightly at him, a golden blush spreading across his porcelain face.
It’s a beautiful sight.
“You’re not so bad for yourself, Alastor.” It was a first for the fallen to call his name properly. It’s a lovely ring he’d like to hear again.
“Likewise, sire.”
More months went on and— oh. How stupid he was.
He didn’t mean to utter such a silly thing— towards a being powerful than him no less.
“I like your dumb smile.” He didn’t mean to blurt out his thoughts loud for the king to hear. But he simply laughs at it.
“You do? Stop joking bambi.” A joke. He thought of it as a joke.
“Apologies, the mood was slowly going sour and I couldn’t help but jest a bit.”
“Oh shut up.”
‘Would you believe me if I say I like you?’
• • • •
“Lucifer.” He couldn’t help it. He can’t help but be a fool towards the fallen.
“Al? What is it?” He asks, now smiling at him. He wished for more out of this relationship he cultivated for years now.
“I’d like to confess something.” There was an odd trepidation gripping on his chest. He hates this feeling.
“Confess? Wow that’s a pretty deep word,” an awkward chuckle comes out of him, “whaddya want to say?”
“I like you, Lucifer.” A beat of silence.
“.. what?” He watches him back away slightly, an awkward laugh, “You’re joking, right?”
..
“I’m afraid not, sire.”
“Al, I— uh, I’m sorry. I don’t feel the same way.”
“.. I understand.”
“I’m sorry.” And he runs off.
..
Hah..
So this is a feeling that Vox felt when he rejected him?
Did he also think that he’d wish he died at the very moment when he realized that the friendship they’ve had for years were gone in a blink all for a stupid selfish act such as he is right now?
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hello! if you're up to it i've had this one idea in my head for a long time that i just need to see written out
basically maybe short drabbles/hcs about leona, jamil, and vil with a reader who, on days where they're tired, is super affectionate physically as in they might see him pass by in the hall and take his hand for a moment/just search for him to get a hug from him, or comes up to him randomly and puts their head on his shoulder — maybe even in a few classes if they're REALLY exhausted, tldr reader just needs some affection when they're tired and loves receiving physical affection </3
~ ☆
Thank you for this lovely request!! I’m the same haha, nothing like a good hug when your tired <3 also I am so so sorry you had to wait this long, I’ve had a lot going on lately,, I really hope I did the request justice <3
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Reader whose affectionate when tired
Characters: Leona, Jamil, Vil
Format: Headcanons
Warnings: None that I can think of
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Leona
-Leona is in heaven
-or at least he thought he was at first
-After all, you being affectionate when tired, means more naps with you!
-except that, thanks to these naps, you aren't tired anymore, and don't seek his  affection as often anymore. And the lazy lion has already gotten so used to it, that he finds it annoying to sleep without it now.
-He'd much prefer you'd just constantly had the urge to nap, like him
-You'll find him grumbling to himself, whenever you don't feel as affectionate, just as you'll find him with a smug grin whenever you cuddle into him while he lazes around the botanical gardens 
-Jack once overheard Leona grumbling, with his tail swishing around angrily, and Jack was confused to say the least, seeing as how the lion was just grinning at you a few seconds ago
-turns out you just weren't all that tired that day, and, in Leonas opinion, didn't give him enough affection before running of - not that he'd ever admit that 
-overall he really loves your affectionate side and wouldn't mind seeing it more often
Jamil
-conflicted, to say the least
-he genuinely loves you and your affection, he really does, but he's got a lot of work and a kalim who he needs to keep alive-
-He has fallen into a sort of routine when you feel sleepy, which is to get you comfortably to sleep as soon as possible 
-If your at Scarabia, he'll bring you to a more secluded couch (you cannot tell me that those couches aren't as comfortable as can be), lay you down, maybe with some hot tea, and stay with you till you very quickly fall asleep
-if you're at school, he always has some sort of coffee at hand to wake you up, or something sugary if you don't drink coffee! he'll make sure it's still somewhat healthy though
-should you fall asleep on him in class, he'll take notes and asks questions for you. Occasionally just looks at you for a few moments, his grades need to be worse than Kalims anyway, so he can't completely partake in the class anyway
-If you get caught by a professor though, he'll just chuckle a bit. 
-You can get mad at him for not waking you up, but he doesn't regret anything, he'll treasure in any time spend with you, where he doesn't have to worry about Kalim.
-on the very VERY rare chance that he has a day off, he basks in your affection! He'll most likely need to catch up on all the sleep he lost to Kalims shenanigans, so you two will most likely be cuddling in his bed, or on one of the couches in an otherwise empty lounge
-Or, maybe, to make sure Kalim doesn't barge in and ruin the moment, the two of you are at ramshackle, after sending Grim to heartslabyul! 
-on rare occasions Grim does join you two, curling up next to you, while muttering something about Jamil stealing his henchmen. You three almost look like a family <3 
Vil
-At first, Vil was confused as to why you'd sometimes be so much more affectionate than normally, but very quickly figured out the pattern; The more tired you are, the more affection he gets.
-He'd be lying if he said he doesn't enjoy the affection, it feels nice to be wanted by someone he genuinely cares for, who genuinely cares for him.
-BUT he doesn't like you not getting enough sleep, what kind of lover would he be if he just lets you miss your needed beauty sleep?!
-Also, he is a busy person with a reputation to uphold; he can't exactly film a movie or brew a potion with your arms wrapped around him, no matter how cute you may look..
-He does Indulge you, letting you cling to him when he isn't as busy, or in between classes, but never without a light scold about the importance of proper sleep!
-If you're clingy for a longer period of time, for example a whole week, he'll try to find out why, and then help you; If you stressed because of a test, he'll help you study, if something is worrying you, he'll pull out all the tricks to help you relax, ect.
-If you're just lonely, well.. he supposes you can sleep over ever so often, as long as he still gets his much needed beauty rest
-The first time this happens, he realises how much better he sleeps with you next to him, how much better the both of you sleep! 
-It very quickly becomes routine; that way you'll get your affection when you're tired in the evenings, but the two can still follow your normal routine during the day!
-...though he does miss, the way you'd hug him from behind in the hallway, or the way you'd lay your head on his shoulder when Professor Trein was being particularly boring.. maybe letting you stay up longer when neither of you have anything important the next day would'nt be all that bad.. 
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Once again, just so very sorry it took this long, I promise I didn’t make you wait on purpose, I’m always trying to reply and write as fast as possible <3
Feedback is welcome, just be nice please! Hope you have a wonderful night/day
558 notes · View notes
del-thetiredwriter · 2 months
Note
There's so much we can do with that Cheater Daemon x wife reader AU
Like Daemon witnessing his wife's burning hatred towards him. She didn't express it in front of him rather it's other actions that prove her hatred
He saw his wife in a storeroom, holding a knife to rip off and slash multiple cuts on a portrait with his face in it. She didn't care that her palm is bleeding from gripping the knife too hard, she's just focusing on saying how he's such a pathetic trash,how ugly he is despite his beautiful face and basically disfiguring the entire portrait. When he asked her about her bandaged hand afterwards,she just said it was an accident while she's walking and none of his business at all
He read her diary full of her regrets for marrying him as well as her hateful words towards his entire existence,even a list of men she should've had married instead of him,Criston Cole was on the list and even the fact he might be into his own niece. Hell she's even planning on how to push him towards Rhaenyra so that she can freely escape him. She even wrote that she rather died or killed by him than suffering by living with him
She even had a conversation with Criston Cole about how terrible her husband is and the knight just listened to it all,he knows how the Targaryens are,he did work for them after all Criston Cole maybe Daemon's potential love rival
Sometimes Reader even pretended Daemon didn't exist,just ignore him and how in her sleep,she sometimes say other men's names except Daemon,it was never his name that came out of her lips when she was sleeping
Part1 , part2
Well these are great ideas. And like you said we have so much material to use. And I did a little work from the things you said. It’s like a part 2.1?
——————————————————————————
Daemon sighed. Visersy would rarely see your brother this thoughtful and sad? Seeing, Visersy clapped him on the shoulder.
"What's the problem?"
"Nothing." replied Little Brother.
“Come on Daemon, you can't fool me. Come on, talk to me. What's your problem?”
The white-haired prince sighed.
"My wife. It's just that my wife has been a little weird lately?"
"Strange? your wife? Y/n? You are kidding."
Visersy handed Daemon a glass of wine.
"Yes. She’s been acting really weird lately. Recently I saw her in the storeroom with a knife in her hand, injuring herself..."
.
“The gods gave you outer beauty, but there is nothing left for your character!” You shouted and added another cut to the portrait.
"Damn you!" And one more cut...
While you were combing your hair in front of the mirror, you heard that damn voice. “My wife~” your beloved husband hugged you from behind. You tried to ignore him.
"What happened to your hand?" ' he asked in a worried but also angry voice. He held your bandaged hand.
"Nothing. I fell while walking, That's all." You pulled your hand back.
"Are you sure?"
"I am sure."
.
“…I won't even talk about what was written in her diary!” Daemon took a harsh sip from his goblet.
“But seriously, how can she compare me to those damn knights! Moreover, her conversation with that guy yesterday! I will kill that guy!”
Visersy nodded understandingly.
"What am I going to do with this woman? She acts as if I don't exist!"
Daemon groaned. Visersy patted his brother on the back.
"What can I say? You reap what you sow.”
526 notes · View notes
wholoveseggs · 3 months
Note
Omg love your elijah stuff it's the best out there! Could you write a fluffy smut where the reader and elijah get married and she's still human and they plan for her to turn on their wedding night. But since she's about to become a vampire and knows elijah loves the taste of her the blood she has him drink from her during sex one last time and she drinks from him so after sex and aftercare his blood is in her system and he turns her then:)
Something Sweet
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18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List}
It's the day of your wedding, a day you've dreamed about since you were young. Everything is exactly as you imagined it would be, except one thing. Today is not only the day of your wedding, today is also the day you die... And you never wanted anything so badly.
♡♡Thanks for the request lovely @sarah-bear706318! I made this one super fluffy♡♡
5.5k words - Warnings: smut, oral sex, so much flufffff, blood drinking, sappy Elijah, something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...
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♡♡ Tag-List ♡♡
Trying to fix my tags! I re-added all of you, and now you will be posted at the top! If you no longer wished to be tagged just shoot me a DM {I won't be offended} xoxo~
@gorgeouslydangerous @starkleila @lydia1369sworld @notleylaaa @vampiresluv @myanmy @xflowerbombxo @maryvibess @always-and-forever-daydreaming @criminallminds @rosemarypotion @spnaquakindgdom @amournoir @meeom @damienmorton @wickedmuse @sunkissedebony97 @idk00sblog @savannaounana @cs-please @complicatedandconfusing-25 @youcanhavemybuckanyday @akala6670229 @yeaiamme2 @itsjulzandmydiamonds @spideysbabe @witch-of-letters @elijahstwink @rosecentury @sekaishell @ziayamikaelson @amanda08319 @starshipcookie @li-da-savage @veggie-eggrolls @spideybv28 @loving-and-dreaming @fancycassie-stayfancy @hcqwxrtss123 @iamawkwardandshy
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It was the day of your wedding and you were awoken by the birds chirping outside of your bedroom window. You rolled over to find your side of the bed empty and cold, a note from Elijah in his elegant handwriting.
My love,
I thought it best if I did not see you until the ceremony, as that is a tradition.
I have not been able to sleep. I am both excited and nervous for today, my beautiful wife. I will spend every waking moment cherishing you.
Elijah
You smiled to yourself as you read his words, imagining him pacing the floor as he wrote this, probably in the study or the library.
You pressed the note to your chest, you could hardly believe that you were getting married today. It was a day you had dreamed about since you were young. You had imagined what your wedding dress would look like, the flowers you would pick for the arrangement, how you would wear your hair. But now, none of that seemed important, the only thing on your mind was what came after the wedding.
Elijah would make you a vampire tonight, and then you would have eternity together.
He was still hesitant, even though you had insisted this was what you wanted. He worried that one day you would regret it, that you would hate him for it, that it would break the connection between the two of you.
But he was wrong, you knew it would only strengthen your bond. You loved him so much that it was impossible to put it into words. You would do anything for him, give him anything, including your life.
After a few moments of lying in bed and thinking of your handsome husband to be, you heard the sound of your bedroom door opening. In walked your three bridesmaids and your maid of honor, carrying a tray of delicious breakfast foods.
"Good morning, sleeping beauty!" Rebekah said, walking around the bed and placing the tray on the mattress in front of you.
"What are you still doing in bed?" Freya asked.
"Yeah, it's your wedding day! We have a lot to do!" Camille exclaimed.
You chuckled and sat up in bed, tucking the duvet over your legs. Hayley laid on the bed next to you, popping a bottle of champagne open and pouring four glasses.
"Everybody relax, we have lots of time," she said, handing you a glass. "Don't stress her out,"
Rebekah rolled her eyes and picked up a bag from the floor.
"We have some gifts for you, Mrs. Mikaelson," she teased.
"I'm not Mrs. Mikaelson, yet," you pointed out, taking a sip of the champagne.
"Oh please, the two of you act married already, he is the most whipped man I have ever seen," Rebekah said, sitting on the other side of the bed and passing a wrapped present to you.
You giggled at her comment, knowing it was true. You were a little surprised by how much he was willing to bend to your will. He was a stubborn man, but with you, he was a complete pushover. He told you once that he found it impossible to deny you anything, and that's how he knew you were the one.
You carefully unwrapped the gift and found a beautiful necklace, with a sapphire pendant, you held it up to the light, the rays bouncing off the gem and painting the walls of your room in blue light.
"It's beautiful," you said, smiling at the girls.
"It's something blue, from Freya," Rebekah explained, as Freya fastened it around your neck.
"I spelled it so you can always find each other, no matter where you are. So when you are away, you can always feel him close to you," she explained.
You were touched by her thoughtfulness, touching the stone as it rested against your chest. You couldn't explain it, but it did feel like him, like he was right beside you.
"Thank you, Freya," you said, squeezing her hand.
"Okay now mine!" Rebekah interrupted, holding her present out to you. "Something old,"
You grinned and took the large box from her, opening it to find a beautiful vintage corset, along with a matching set of lace underwear and stockings.
"Rebekah, these are gorgeous!" You said, running your fingers over the intricate designs.
"They're vintage, of course," she said, proudly. "Elijah is rather fond of that time period, I thought they might... inspire him," she added, winking.
You blushed, he didn't need any encouragement in the bedroom, you were certain of that.
"My gift is next," Hayley said, holding out her gift to you. "Something new, and I'm really sorry, but they aren't quite as classy as the last two," she said, nervously.
You took the bag and opened it, it was full of luxury naughty nightwear, baby dolls, bras, panties, a silk robe, all in different colors and fabrics. Along with a few sex toys and a pair of handcuffs.
"I had to get you something practical," she said, with a smirk.
"I love it, thank you," you said, giggling. "I will certainly put them to good use,"
"Okay now mine, it's something borrowed," Camille said, handing you a small box.
You opened the velvet box and found a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings, with a matching bracelet.
"Camille, these are beautiful," you breathed, examining the sparkling jewels.
"They've been in my family for a long time, they belonged to my grandmother," she explained, clasping the bracelet around your wrist.
You looked at your wrist and smiled, your friends were the most wonderful women you had ever met, they had been so welcoming and so supportive, and now here they were, giving you the best gifts ever.
"Thank you, all of you, so much. This has been the best morning," you said, pulling them all in for a group hug.
"More champagne!" Rebekah exclaimed, grabbing the bottle and topping up everyone's glass.
"We still have the day to go, I'm going to have a terrible hangover at my own wedding," you pointed out, taking a large sip anyway.
"Not for long," Rebekah said, a mischievous smile on her face.
The wedding party went quiet, everyone knew exactly what she was talking about, that Elijah was planning to turn you after the reception.
"It's really happening then, tonight?" Hayley asked, looking at you.
You nodded.
"How are you feeling about it?" She asked.
"A little nervous, I guess," you admitted. "But excited,"
"It's a big decision, are you sure you are ready for it?" Freya asked, putting her arm around you.
"Absolutely. I've never been more sure of anything," you said, without hesitation.
"You'll make a lovely one," Rebekah added, pulling you out of bed and to your feet.
"Come on, we have a lot to do, the hair and makeup people will be here in an hour, and I need to make sure you eat something first," she said, ushering you towards the bathroom.
"And then we can finally see this dress!" Hayley added, excitedly.
The five of you spent the rest of the morning in a flurry of activity, the girls made sure you ate and drank water, despite how much champagne was flowing. The hairdresser and makeup artist did wonders, and then finally, it was time for the dress.
You had put on the vintage corset and underwear, rolling up the stocking and clipping them in place. The girls helped you step into the gown, fastening the buttons up the back, before you stood in front of the mirror.
Rebekah started to cry and Freya and Camille put their arms around her, all of them staring at you.
"Are you okay, Bekah?" You asked, looking at her reflection.
She wiped her tears and sniffed. "He's going to faint when he sees you,"
The four of them laughed and you turned around, holding out your hands.
"Well, let's go get married,"
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The music started as you entered the garden, and everyone stood, turning to look at you.
It was like a fairytale.
Your eyes were on Elijah the entire time, his eyes were a bit glassy and he was nervously playing with his hands. Klaus handed him a tissue, patting his shoulder and Rebekah hooked her arm in yours , guiding you down the aisle.
"No fainting yet," you whispered to Rebekah, making her giggle.
"I promise I will catch him if he does," she whispered back.
He held out his hand to you when you finally reached him and you took it, Rebekah handing your bouquet to Hayley.
"Hello," you whispered, looking up at him.
"Hi," he replied, smiling down at you, his brown eyes warm and loving.
"You look perfect," he said, softly.
"So do you," you said, grinning at him.
Klaus cleared his throat and began to speak.
"We are gathered here today, to join Elijah and Y/n in matrimony. They have both written their own vows, so Elijah, you may start,"
Elijah squeezed your hands and smiled at you, his eyes soft and full of love.
"My love, you are the one that I have waited centuries for. The one who brings light into my life. I love you so much, I will be forever grateful that I found you. I promise to spend every day of eternity showing you how much I love and cherish you. Thank you for agreeing to marry me, thank you for loving me," he said, his voice thick with emotion.
You felt tears in your eyes as he finished speaking, reaching up and brushing a tear away with his thumb. The crowd aww'd at his words, and the entire wedding party dabbed at their eyes with tissues.
"I'm afraid my vows are going to sound a little lame after that," you teased, making Elijah chuckle.
"Elijah," you began. "I have loved you from the moment I saw you. You have always been there for me, through good and bad, you have taken care of me, supported me, loved me. I know my heart is safe with you. You have always said you would give me the world, and I know you will, and I want to give you mine, for as long as I live,"
Elijah's eyes became glassy again and he took a deep breath, fighting back his tears.
"Do we have the rings?" Klaus asked.
You glanced down the aisle to see Hope toddling towards you, with a pillow in her hands. Everyone watched her and she reached you, proudly handing the rings to her uncle.
"Thank you, darling," Elijah said, ruffling her hair.
"You may exchange the rings," Klaus said, Hope was now clinging to his leg, watching the ceremony with fascination.
Elijah slipped the ring on your finger, and you did the same, looking down at the two silver bands. You realized that your ring had a lapis lazuli stone embedded in the metal, the one that would allow you to walk in the sunlight when you were a vampire.
"Elijah, do you take Y/n as your lawfully wedded wife, to love and cherish, until death do you part?"
"I do," he replied, staring deep into your eyes.
"Y/n, do you take Elijah as your lawfully wedded husband, to love and cherish, until death do you part?"
"I do," you said, unable to stop yourself from smiling.
"Well then, by the power invested in me by a monk in the 12th century, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride,"
Elijah cupped your cheek in his hand, brushing his thumb over your cheekbone, before leaning down and pressing his lips to yours. His hands moved down your back, tilting you backwards, dipping you. The guests cheered and applauded, and the photographer snapped pictures.
"I love you," he said, whispering the words into your mouth.
"I love you, Mr. Mikaelson," you said, grinning.
He pulled you up, his eyes were bright, and his cheeks were flushed, his happiness radiating off him.
"Mrs. Mikaelson," he said, softly.
You kissed him again, the two of you wrapped in each other's embrace, his arms holding you tight against him.
"Let's get this party started!" Marcel yelled, causing a cheer from the crowd.
The two of you made your way back down the aisle, and back into the house. As soon as you were inside, you pulled Elijah in for a passionate kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck.
"We are married," you said, giggling.
"Indeed we are," he replied, smiling.
"Can't we skip the party, and just go upstairs now?" You asked, kissing him again.
"My greedy little wife," he teased. "Don't worry, tonight will be worth the wait,"
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The compound was elaborately decorated, with lights and flowers hanging everywhere, and the guests were laughing and dancing, having a great time.
You sat at a table near the dance floor with your new husband, watching everyone. His hand was resting on your thigh, squeezing it gently every so often.
It was getting late, the sun had set and the guests were getting more and more drunk. The music slowed and the couples swayed together, some kissing and holding each other tight.
"So," Elijah whispered in your ear. "How are you feeling about tonight?"
"I can't wait," you said, turning to look at him. "I just can't wait for us to start our lives together,"
"Me either, sweetheart," he said, brushing his lips against your temple. "Are you sure this is what you want?"
"I want this." You placed a hand on his cheek. "More than anything."
He let out a long sigh, his hand squeezing your thigh tighter. But he didn't say anything else.
After a moment, he stood up and held out his hand.
"Dance with me?"
You took his hand and he led you out to the dance floor. You wrapped your arms around his neck and his hands rested on your hips.
The two of you danced slowly to the music, lost in each other's eyes.
"What are you thinking about?" You asked him, breaking the silence.
"Nothing." He replied, smiling softly, looking away.
You narrowed your eyes. "Don't lie to me, Mr. Mikaelson."
He chuckled. "Fine. I'm thinking about how beautiful you are, and how lucky I am."
"I'm the lucky one," you whispered, leaning in and kissing him softly.
The two of you continued slow dancing and you rested your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
"I'm nervous," He admitted, softly his hands running up and down your back.
You lifted your head and looked up at him. "Why?"
"I don't want to see you die," He looked into your eyes, and you could see the pain behind them. "I don't want to watch the light leave your eyes, and not be able to do anything about it."
You cupped his cheek and stroked it. "I'll come right back, Elijah. You have nothing to worry about."
He nodded, then leaned in and kissed you, soft and slow. His hands on your hips, slowly guiding you, the two of you still moving to the music.
After a few minutes, he broke the kiss, pressing his forehead against yours.
"I don't think I'm capable of not worrying about you." He said, a soft chuckle escaping his lips.
"Well," You whispered, smiling up at him. "That's something we have in common, then."
His hands were on your lower back, his fingertips tracing patterns on the soft fabric.
"Do you remember when we met?" He asked, looking down at you.
"I do." You said, giggling. "It was the most cliché thing ever, but I remember it like it was yesterday."
"You were wearing a green dress." He recalled. "You were trying to get a book from the top shelf at this little bookstore. You had climbed onto a chair and were stretching your arm as far as you could, but you just couldn't reach it. And I thought, 'that's the most adorable thing I've ever seen'."
You laughed, remembering how flustered you'd been. "And then, I dismissed your attempt to help me as being creepy,"
"Until you tripped over your own feet and fell into my arms." He reminded you, a smirk on his face.
"You caught me, though." You whispered.
"That I did," he murmured. "And I will always catch you."
You stood on your tiptoes, kissing him softly. "I'm glad," you said.
His hands moved lower, grabbing your ass, and pulling you closer. You blushed and looked around quickly, but nobody seemed to be paying any attention to you.
"I remember something else about the day we met," he whispered in your ear.
You looked up at him and smiled. "What?"
"How you looked in my bed that night, the soft little moans you made," he teased.
You bit your lip, a wave of arousal washing over you. The memory still fresh in your mind.
"You have a way of making me lose all sense," you said, breathlessly.
"I know," he smirked, his eyes sparkling, "I've got you right where I want you."
You giggled, burying your face in his chest, breathing in his scent.
"You are so bad," you whispered.
He hummed in agreement, squeezing your ass once more, causing you to let out a little squeak.
"We should say goodbye to our guests," he murmured. "There is a car waiting,"
You nodded and let him guide you around, saying goodbye to all the guests. They followed the two of you out to the courtyard, and then they began throwing rice and rose petals, while the two of you got into the waiting car.
As the car drove away, the guests cheered and you couldn’t help the huge grin on your face, waving at them until they were out of sight.
Elijah's hand rested on your thigh, rubbing circles with his thumb. You rested your head on his shoulder, watching the city go by.
"So, are you going to tell me where we are going?" You asked, glancing at him.
"There's this lakehouse, about an hour from here. It's a quiet, private place, not even my siblings know about it." He said, pulling your hand into his lap.
"You didn't tell anyone about it?" You asked, a little shocked.
"Not a soul," he said, smiling. "I've had a few secret hideaways over the years, but this one is special."
"Why is that?" You asked.
"It's where I go to get away from everything, to clear my head and recharge," he explained. "And now, it's going to be our special place,"
"That's sweet," you said, kissing his cheek.
The drive seemed to take forever, but finally the car turned onto a long driveway. Elijah helped you out of the car, and then he scooped you into his arms.
"You are such a romantic," you said, giggling.
"I try," he teased, carrying you inside.
He set you down in the entryway, and then took your hand, leading you around. It was a gorgeous home, and it was obvious that Elijah had put a lot of work into it.
But he didn't give you much time to admire it, before he was on you, quickly dragging you to the bedroom.
His hands roaming your body, his mouth crashing onto yours, your arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer.
"Don't you dare rip my wedding dress Mr. Mikaelson," you breathed.
"Wouldn't dream of it," he murmured, his hands gently tugging the fabric.
You giggled and pushed him away, holding his gaze, then you turned and looked over your shoulder at him, motioning to the buttons going down your back.
His fingers deftly undid the small buttons, taking his time, as if he was savoring each one. He kissed along the back of your neck and shoulders, pushing the straps of the dress off, and letting it fall to the ground.
His hands went to your waist, helping you step out of the dress, and he knelt down, picking it up and placing it carefully on a nearby chair.
"Such a gentleman," you said, softly.
His gaze roamed over your body, admiring the way the lingerie clung to your skin, accentuating every curve.
"Gorgeous," he said, stepping closer, his fingers tracing along the boning of the corset.
Your hands went to his chest, reaching up to undo his bowtie. He watched your hands, his eyes darkening with desire.
You tossed the tie aside, and began unbuttoning his shirt. You leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips, your hands continuing their path.
When you got to his pants, you stopped, a wicked grin spreading across your face. You ran your finger along his waistband, teasing him.
He groaned and picked you up, and you instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist, your arms around his neck.
In an instant you were on the bed, the speed of vampires never ceased to amaze you. You lay there, looking up at him, your hair fanning out around your head, and you couldn't help but grin.
"Will you teach me to do that?" You asked, referring to the vamp speed.
He chuckled, leaning down and kissing your cheek. "Of course, my love. I will teach you everything you need to know."
You smiled, then reached up and pulled him down, crushing your lips together. He pressed his hips against yours, and you could feel the bulge in his pants.
"What else can you teach me?" You whispered, biting your lip and looking into his eyes, trying to look all sweet and innocent.
He raised an eyebrow and smirked, his eyes darkening. "Lots of things."
You ran a hand through his hair, tugging lightly. "I can't wait."
He grinned and leaned in, capturing your lips in a bruising kiss. His hands moving all over your body, caressing and squeezing.
"But first I'm going to take this corset off." He said, his fingers trailing down your chest and finding the ribbons. "I'm going to untie it slowly, and then I'm going to kiss every inch of your skin."
You let out a small gasp, his words sending a wave of arousal through you. He pressed his hips harder against your hand, still working to slowly untie the first ribbon.
"I'm going to make you come all over my tongue," He said, his voice raspy and low, working on loosening the second ribbon, pulling it free. "Over," He tugged on the third, "And over," the fourth, "And over."
You moaned, his words making you dizzy, and he grinned, pulling the last ribbon loose.
The corset fell away, and Elijah quickly pulled it from you, tossing it aside. His hands were on your breasts immediately, his thumbs brushing over your nipples, causing them to harden.
He lowered his head, his tongue flicking out and swirling around one nipple, before sucking it into his mouth.
You were panting, your hands gripping the sheets, watching as he made his way down, slowly removing your panties. He kissed his way up your thighs, his eyes never leaving yours.
He looked up at you and smirked, then slowly lowered his head, groaning as he licked a broad stroke over your pussy.
You gasped, arching your back, pushing yourself closer to him. He chuckled, his hands gripping your thighs, pushing them further apart, his tongue teasing and licking at your clit.
You were in heaven. The sounds he was making, the way he was devouring you, it all felt incredible. You couldn't help the moans and whimpers escaping from your throat, only fueling him on.
You couldn't tear your eyes away from the sight of him between your legs, the way his gaze would meet yours sent a thrill through you. He looked so content and satisfied, his eyes hooded, his tongue working you expertly.
He suddenly slipped a finger inside you, curling it against your walls, searching for that sweet spot. When he found it, he smirked, picking up the pace of his tongue lapping at your clit.
You came undone in seconds. Your walls clenched around his finger and your back arched, crying out his name.
He lifted his head, staring up at you, his eyes black. He licked his lips and winked at you, two of his fingers still pumping in and out of you.
He looked down at your flushed face and swollen lips, watching your body coming down from your high. You were always so beautiful after an orgasm. He could always coax these little spasms out of you afterwards, making you moan even more.
"I love you." He whispered. "My perfect wife."
With a wicked smirk, he slid a third finger in, curling against your g-spot, a delighted squeak escaping your lips as you squeezed his fingers.
"I can't wait to spend eternity with you," He said, his voice slow and gruff, the pleasure overwhelming you. "Watching you come like this, every night."
He continued to pump his fingers, with firm and steady strokes, the pressure building and building. Your body began to tense again, your moans becoming louder and more desperate. He grinned, watching you fall apart for him.
Your body started to shake, the waves of pleasure hitting you again and again, as you came on his fingers. He captured your lips in a rough kiss, swallowing your moans.
You collapsed on the bed, breathing heavily, the aftershocks still rolling through you. Elijah leaned down and kissed your neck, nuzzling against you.
"My wife," he said, savoring the way it sounded.
You giggled, still feeling a bit floaty. You looked up at him, taking in the sight of him. He was so handsome, his dark hair slightly disheveled, his eyes shining with love and affection.
"My husband," you said, reaching up and brushing some hair out of his eyes.
He smiled, his hands tracing along your bare skin. "You don't have to turn tonight, if you're not ready,"
You shook your head, smiling. "No, I want to. I'm ready."
"Are you sure?" He asked, his voice full of concern.
"Eli," you said, cupping his cheek. "I'll be okay,"
His expression turned a bit serious, his eyes flashing with worry.
"You're my whole world, I won't lose you," he said, kissing you deeply.
"You won't lose me," you said, softly.
"Promise?" He asked, his hand moving to your cheek, stroking it gently.
"I promise," you said, your heart fluttering.
He gently pushed your legs apart, his fingers stroking your thigh, the touch sending sparks through you.
"I will never let anything happen to you," he said, positioning himself between your legs.
"I know," you said, gasping when you felt him ease into you, slowly and gently.
"I love you," he said, leaning down and kissing your lips, as he began to move his hips, pushing himself deeper. "More than anything,"
"I love you, too." You gasped, wrapping your legs around him, pulling him closer.
One of his hands went to the small of your back, the other cradling behind your neck. He held you to him, forehead to forehead, his eyes boring into yours.
He rocked his hips, grinding against you, filling you completely. His thumb brushed across your lower lip, then his lips pressed against yours, whispering how much he loved you.
You felt as though your heart beats were the same, the way it was pounding in your chest, in time with his. The way he held you like this, close and tight, it was everything.
The heat and friction began building between you, his thrusts becoming deeper and harder. The air filled with the sounds of your moans and sighs, your bodies moving together.
You could feel another orgasm building, your breath coming in short, ragged pants. He seemed to sense this, his pace picking up, his eyes locked on yours.
"I want you to come with me," he said, his voice husky and low, as his hips drove into you, over and over.
"Yes," you whimpered, your fingers digging into his back, leaving crescent moon marks in his skin.
Together, you let go, your bodies trembling and shuddering, clinging to each other. He buried his face in your neck, groaning, his teeth scraping your skin.
You lay there for a few moments, holding each other, your breathing slowly returning to normal. His lips were still against your neck, his arms wrapped around you.
"Elijah?" You asked, hesitantly.
"Mmm?" He mumbled, not wanting to move.
"I know how I want to die," you said, quietly.
He pulled back, looking at you. ". . . You do?"
You nodded, chewing your bottom lip, you weren't sure if he would be willing to do this for you.
"I want you to drink from me," you said, softly.
His eyes widened, a look of shock on his face.
"I mean, only if you're okay with it. We can find a different way... You can just snap my neck like we originally planned... I just thought...," you said, quickly, starting to ramble.
He cut you off with a deep, passionate kiss.
"Are you sure?" He asked, once the kiss broke.
You nodded, a shy smile on your face.
"Absolutely."
"Alright, but if it gets too much, tell me. We can always stop," he said, his hand resting on your cheek.
"Okay," you said, nodding.
He sat up, leaning against the headboard, pulling you into his lap. His hands on your hips, he didn't move for a moment, just looked at you, a gentle smile on his lips.
"I'm ready Elijah... I want this," you said, cupping his face, and brushing your lips against his.
He kissed you softly, with pure tenderness and love. He looked into your eyes, and you could see the conflicting emotions running through him. Fear, happiness, sorrow, joy.
You stroked his cheek, reassuring him.
"I love you," he said, biting down on his wrist and bringing it to your lips.
"I love you, too," you whispered, taking his blood into your mouth, his free arm wrapping around your waist.
His wrist fell away, and he tilted his head, pressing his lips to yours. Then, he kissed a trail down your neck, stopping right over the vein.
You could feel the sharpness of his fangs, his mouth ghosting across your skin. His hands moved to your back, rubbing it soothingly. He was still hesitating.
Your hands gripped his chest, preparing for the sting of pain, the dark shroud of death that awaited you.
His fangs sank into you, and your body jerked. But the pain was fleeting, as the pleasure began to take over. His hands moved up and down your back, pulling you closer, his mouth working over the bite.
He was so gentle, and tender, the way he was holding you, caressing you. It made your heart swell with love, as the blood flowed from you.
He drank slowly, savoring the taste of your blood, listening to your heart beating slower, your breathing becoming shallower.
He could feel your life force slipping away, the blood no longer rushing through your veins. He felt an almost uncontrollable fear, and he had to fight the urge to let go.
You began to drift away, darkness creeping around the edge of your vision. Your eyes fluttered shut, your heart skipping a beat, before it came to a complete stop.
He pulled his mouth away, and pressed his forehead to yours, his tears falling on your face.
He let out a choked sob, the anguish of losing you was too much. He knew you would return, but in this place of nothingness, the void, it was all too real.
Your body was cuddled into his, your head resting in his shoulder, the wound on your neck still oozing blood.
He closed his eyes, and focused on the future, of all the things he would teach you. The places he would take you. The adventures you would have.
He was going to make the most of this eternity with you.
It didn't take long for your heart beat to return, or for you to stir. Your eyes opened slowly, blinking against the light.
"Eli?"
He pulled you closer, pressing a kiss to your forehead.
"Welcome back," he said, smiling.
You returned his smile, snuggling against him, and sighing.
"How do you feel?" He asked, his arms tightening around you.
"Hungry."
He laughed, stroking your hair. "I have just the thing for that,"
You nodded, sitting up, and looking at him. He looked tired, his eyes rimmed with red, his hair tousled.
"Have you been crying?" You asked, gently.
He nodded, looking a little embarrassed.
You kissed him softly, wrapping your arms around his neck.
"It's alright, my love. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere," you whispered, pressing your forehead to his.
"Good," he said, letting out a shaky breath.
He held you, his hands stroking your back, your hair.
You lay there for a while, in the safety of his arms, before he pulled away, and smiled at you.
He reached for a blood bag he had gotten ready, and handed it to you. You tore into the bag, and drank deeply. You hadn't realized how thirsty you were, until you tasted the blood. It was sweet, and thick, and it was exactly what you needed.
He watched your eyes turn black, dark veins snaking underneath them, and smiled. You were beautiful.
When you were done, he tossed the bag aside, and wrapped his arms around you again.
"So, what happens now?" You asked, your eyes searching his.
"We live.”
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shockercoco · 3 months
Text
What Were You Thinking
Austin Butler x reader
Warnings - none, fluff
Word count - 2849
a/n - I watched The Bikeriders, so now i'm ready for the benny imagines. Also, I gotta step up my writing game. I hope you enjoy :)
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Of course you’re not ignoring him. You haven’t talked to him and you haven’t answered any of his messages or calls, but that doesn’t mean you’re ignoring him, right? Well, maybe.
A couple of nights ago, you and Austin shared a moment after dinner with some crew members and, ever since then you’ve been casually avoiding him. He had been on his way out of the hotel to take a late night stroll to clear his head and asked you if you would like to join him. Thinking nothing of it and needing a release as well, you accepted his offer.
The two of you ended up on the roof of the hotel since no one would be able to find you two there, and after talking for a bit about whatever came to mind, you both just stood in silence as you looked out at the city.
You don’t remember exactly how it happened, but one moment Austin had begun to confess his growing feelings towards you, and then the next the two of you were kissing. It wasn’t a complete surprise because the two of you have grown closer and closer throughout the duration of filming, and you felt some tension between you guys, but you thought you were just being delusional.
Now, it’s not like you didn’t feel the same way towards him because you did – he had you hooked from the moment you first met him – you supposed you just didn’t expect this moment to ever happen. And it’s not like the kiss wasn’t great, Austin was gentle and you felt so safe in his arms – not like you had a list of experiences to compare it to.
When the two of you parted ways for the night, you were on good terms, but when you woke up the next morning everything hit you. Your mind started to race as you began to wonder if Austin had regretted the kiss, or if he had had too much to drink last night which resulted in his confession, or maybe you were just getting pranked.
Then you remembered that Austin isn’t one to drink until getting drunk, and he isn’t a huge fan of pranks, meaning that everything that had happened the night before was real. This didn’t make you feel better at all, though. 
You didn’t have to see him that day because you had a flight to catch your next destination of the press tour, and Austin had some talk show to attend meaning he would be on a later flight. That didn’t stop him from reaching out to you, though, and in the beginning you were texting him back, but then you panicked and stopped.
You had told your assistant everything that had happened since you felt so confused, but she didn’t really say anything except how she knew it all along and how you shouldn’t be worried because Austin was the one to confess his feelings first. 
This didn’t make you feel better either.
You can’t stay away from him forever though because now you’re about to attend your movie premiere in Sydney, which means you have to see him during pictures and the interviews.
Your assistant walks in on you pacing around your hotel room and asks, “Do you need a paper bag to breathe into?”
You stop your pacing to glare at her and say, “You’re not funny.” You decide to look out of the window to distract yourself, only to notice the drops of rain beginning to fall from the sky. 
Great.
“I don’t understand what you’re so worried about, it’s just Austin,” your assistant tells you.
“You mean the guy I made out with and then completely avoided him after? What the hell am I supposed to say to him?” you ask, about to run a hand over your face until you remember the full face of makeup you have on.
“How about a ‘hi’. You’re making this way harder than it has to be, y’know. It’s not like he’s going to be mad at you, I don’t even think he has an angry bone in his body,” your assistant laughs. “Now, can you please finish sulking? The car is waiting downstairs.”
You roll your eyes as you step away from the window and give yourself one last final look in the mirror. You can’t deny the fact that your dress is gorgeous, along with your hair and makeup, making you feel confident and prepared for the dozens of pictures you're about to take.
Your assistant comes up to stand behind you as well, giving you a once-over with a smile. “You look amazing, and I know Austin will feel the same.”
When you arrive at the theatre, there are dozens of fans standing along the barricade waiting for cast members to come over and say hello to them and sign autographs. As you step out of the vehicle, with the help of your driver offering his hand, you notice Austin immediately as he moves down the long line of fans to sign whatever they hand him.
His assistant and publicist are behind him trying to keep an umbrella over his head, but Austin being Austin doesn’t care about the rain messing up his styled hair or his fancy suit and continues to hold conversations as best as he can. That doesn’t stop his team from surrounding him and trying to keep him looking nice for everyone.
You, on the other hand, would like to stay as dry as possible.
The volume of the crowd suddenly rises as everyone notices your arrival, making Austin turn around. His eyes meet yours and for a second you freeze and don’t know what to do. The weather has made him look even better, if that’s even possible, and the wet hair definitely does something to you.
After taking a moment, you finally snap out of it and give him a small smile, which he returns before continuing your walk.
Austin watches from his spot as you walk away, your back towards him. He can’t help but admire and appreciate your appearance, and he can’t wait to tell you how beautiful you are. 
That is, if you actually come near him. He’s not completely offended that you’ve gone distant from him over the last couple of days, but he is confused. He knows his feelings for you are reciprocated, so he’s just guessing and hoping that you freaked out over everything.
Austin gets lost in thought for a second before he hears the girl next to him giggle to her friend because they obviously witnessed the whole thing. He clears his throat before smiling at her and signing the action figure of one of his past characters that she hands him. A laugh leaves his lips at the fact that the thing even exists.
Once you meet some fans yourself, it’s time for the interview and photographs part of the premiere, which you’re not completely looking forward to. Austin comes up beside you as you pose in front of the backdrop for the paparazzi and places a hand on your waist.
Under any other circumstances, his touch wouldn’t be bothering you since this isn’t anything new, but now you’re just finding it distracting. His cologne and natural scent fills your nostrils, and you could definitely pass out. You feel yourself start to sweat and your heartbeat begins to beat faster as you try and focus on smiling for the pictures.
All the while, you can see your assistant standing off to the side and smirking at the two of you.
The thought of firing her crosses your mind.
Then, Austin leans down to whisper in your ear, “You look beautiful tonight.” He pulls away as he smiles down at you, and your fake grin for the cameras automatically turns into a genuine one.
You look up at him and muster up ‘thank you’ before quickly looking away. Austin’s gaze lingers on you for a couple seconds more, before looking away as well. 
How are you supposed to survive the rest of the night, if you can’t even handle something as small as this? 
It eventually comes time for the interviews, and throughout each one all you can think about is body heat radiating off of him onto you as he stands close to you. You feel your face get warm, but that doesn’t mean it’s because of him. It could be from the questions you’re being asked, which you feel are beginning to get repetitive.
Every once in a while, you swear he feels closer than normal, which could easily be written off as Austin just listening to the answers you give.
After everything moves inside, you immediately leave the group to make a beeline for the bathroom – to relieve yourself of course, but to also give yourself a chance to breathe. There’s plenty of time before you have to go on stage along with the rest of the cast – and Austin – so might as well relax, right?
Wrong.
When you finally decide you’ve spent enough time in the bathroom, you leave, only to run into Austin himself, catching you completely off guard. You feel your heart drop. 
He’s leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets as he watches you step out. His eyebrows raise at you in curiosity, silently wanting to address the elephant in the room.
“It’s kind of weird for a man to linger outside of the ladies restroom,” you joke, not knowing what else to say.
Austin smirks, “I know, I usually don’t do it, but you gave me no choice – since you’ve been avoiding and all.”
Also, your assistant told him where to find you, but he wasn’t going to tell you that.
You swallow. “I haven’t.”
“Oh really? Then what do you call what you’ve been doing for the past couple of days?” Austin tilts his head.
“How do you know I didn’t get sick or something? Or maybe I lost my phone, that happens y’know,” you tell him as you fold your arms over your chest.
A few people come walking down the hallway, and Austin waits for them to pass before answering, “Because you always make sure that you have your phone, and you’ve still been posting on social media.”
Oops. 
“I thought you didn’t really go on social media,” you point out, your eyebrows furrowing.
“That’s not the point,” he playfully rolls his eyes. He’s about to say something when another group of people walk past, some of them entering the bathroom that you two are still in front of for some reason.
Then Austin motions with his head for you to follow him, which you do. He opens a couple of doors and closes them back before finally finding an empty room for the two of you to talk. He lets you walk in first, his hand on the small of your back, before following and closing the door behind you two.
The space was small and had theatre equipment scattered around. You put some distance in between you and Austin as he turns to face you. If this was any other circumstance, being locked in a room with Austin Butler wouldn’t seem so bad.
Austin runs a hand through his damp hair before stuffing his hands back into his pockets. “So?” he speaks up, wanting you to address the situation. 
“So…what?” you ask as you casually look around the room, trying to look at anything but him. You can’t handle his blue eyes burning into your soul at the moment, but then again you never could because it’s Austin.
“You can’t just avoid me forever. What happened to you?” he asks you softly, and you honestly don’t know what to say.
“Hey, I basically shut down after we kissed and now I can’t look you in the eye because I don’t know if what happened that night is actually real. What’s been going on with you?”
Yeah, no.
You feel your ears begin to grow hot and a weird sensation in your stomach as Austin stares you down. He takes a few steps closer to you and moves his head, trying to get you to look at him.
“Yeah, yeah I know,” you mumble. Not knowing what to do with your arms, you fold them across your chest once again. 
“Talk to me.” He takes another step closer, his expression gentle. “Did I cross a line by kissing you? Did you have a change of heart? What is it?”
“I just–I don’t know, okay?” you say, dramatically throwing your hands in the air.
Then Austin’s eyes squint and he smirks. “You freaked out didn’t you?”
A scoff leaves your mouth because how dare he accuse you of something so true?
You shoot him a glare before saying, “Something like that.”
“I knew it. I know you too well.”
Austin comes closer until he’s standing right in front of you, then takes your hands into his.
“Why didn’t you just come talk to me? We could’ve worked it out.”
“Because I don’t know what I’m doing, Austin. Your career is taking off and you're this big celebrity, and I’m just someone at the beginning of their career – a nobody,” you tell him, looking up at him.
Austin’s eyes furrow and the feeling of hurt flashes across his face. “You’re not a nobody, don’t say that. Look where we are right now, at a premiere for a movie that you're the lead in. And who cares about my career, that doesn’t matter. I’m a human just like you. I like you for you.”
“Come on, Austin,” you sigh as you go to back up, but his grip on your hands tighten.
When he’s sure you’re not going to move again, he places his hands on both sides of your face, forcing you to look at him. Forcing you to see him.
“What do I need to do to show you I’m telling the truth?” he asks, his thumb gently caressing your cheek. His voice is low now as his eyes flicker between yours. His feelings about you are genuine and he needs you to notice that.
You get that same feeling in your chest that you felt that night on the hotel rooftop. When the air was silent, and the two of you were put in your own bubble. You remember the way his hands felt on your body as he held you close, so tenderly.
“It’s not you, it’s me,” you admitted, though it was obvious.
“Then get out of your head. Do you really think I would be holding you in this extremely dusty room if I didn’t care for you. You do realize how close we are, right?” he tries to assure you.
How could you not? You could feel his breath on your face everytime he talked. His scent overruled the smell of the tiny room, making it that much easier to focus on him.
“Yeah,” you answer. Your voice is low now too, matching his. 
After a beat of silence, Austin says, “Would you run away again, if I kissed you right now?”
You shake your head ‘no’ because there’s no way you can trust your voice right now. Austin waits another moment to see if you would back away, but when you don’t, he leans in to connect your lips with his.
His lips are just like you remembered it, soft and plump, as he moves in sync with you. Your hands move to rest on his chest before slowly moving up to wrap around his neck. You feel Austin smile into the kiss, and you can’t help but do the same. Austin’s hands leave your face before landing on your waist, pulling you even move into him, making sure you were the only air he was breathing.
When the two of you finally have to pull away for some much needed air, your faces still stay close enough for your noses to barely touch.
You feel like you could just stay here and forget the movie premiere, but the idea immediately gets tossed out the window when Austin’s phone buzzes in his pocket. He keeps one hand on your waist as he goes to dig it out, only to reveal text messages from his publicist wondering where the two of you were.
Right as Austin’s thumb moves to text her back, another two pop up.
“Well she’s definitely not happy,” Austin laughs.
“We should get back before she kills you,” you say as you watch the messages roll in.
“Yeah, I guess,” he agrees as he answers his publicist before re-pocketing his phone, a hint of disappointment in his tone.
As he walks you to the door and opens it, you stop to say, “Just for the record, I didn’t run. I would call it more like slowly taking a couple steps back.”
“Whatever you say, just don’t do it again because I will have to chase after you,” he cheeses down at you.
That honestly doesn’t sound too bad.
What were you thinking to avoid this man?
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592 notes · View notes
Text
lips of an angel
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pairing: married! leon x marriage counselor! reader
cw: infidelity, p in v, oral, over-usage of 'good girl', regret, leon is an asshole (like, he's really a dick), reader is also not a good person (so, hopefully it's ooc for u lol), not proofread enough
summary: leon is married to ashley (she deserves better) and he cheats on her with reader who is the marriage counselor
a/n: based on a reddit post lol. also, it's time for us to admit that lips of an angel is such a fucking good song and leon would listen to it. (imagining this is id! leon and that song came out around that time so actually it's perfect. anyway, bye)
wc: 2.7k
[edit] taglist
@rigorwhoring
@dilfprayers
@porcelainseashore
@dollita-fawn
@xoxoloveless
@admirxation
@pawrincss
@onlyasimp4-2dbitches
@pr3ttyd0llie
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It starts like many horror stories do: with a knock at the door. He's tall, dark, and handsome, standing in the doorframe. Except not that dark, not very tall at all, but incredibly handsome and you've come to find over the sessions you've spent together that his looks are your weakness. His weakness is you. And many other women. Including his wife, who usually attends these sessions, but tonight, he comes alone. Maybe it's the rain that's beating down on the windows - thought it should sound like a warning - that makes you feel sympathetic enough to let him in when you know you shouldn't.
You let him sit on your couch, but make him hang up his leather jacket on the coat rack so he doesn't ruin the furniture. So you can see his biceps better. And his forearms when he rolls up the sleeves of his dress shirt. The first two buttons are already undone, but that's how he always dresses. You know this because you spend too much time looking at him. What does his wife wear? Skirts? Dresses? Pantsuits? She could wear a goddamn clown costume to every session and you'd be none the wiser because you're staring at her husband like he's a piece of meat.
"Not that I'm unhappy to see you, but why are you here?" you ask him. "Your appointment isn't until Wednesday."
"I'm having marriage troubles. I thought you might be able to help."
It's in the job title: marriage counselor.
"Where's Ashley?" It's a loaded question, and the gun is pointed at your entire fucking career.
"She couldn't come. Plus, I don't think she'd like to know about these problems I'm having."
You take a deep breath, contemplating absolutely nothing because you've already made your choice. You made your choice months ago when you had your first appointment with the Kennedys.
“Remember when I said I had a history of cheating?”
“I do. Has this become a problem again?”
“Not exactly,” he says with a slight chuckle that you later find is ironic in nature. “But I’ve been having thoughts…”
“Are these thoughts sexual?”
“Very.”
“Have you tried taking care of it yourself?” You make a hand gesture to signal ‘if you know what I mean’ and pray he knows what you mean so you don’t have to say the words ‘jerk off’ explicitly.
“Yes, but it hasn’t worked.” He looks directly into your eyes when he says it.
"Are these thoughts about a specific person?"
"Yes." 
His answers, which are limited to only a few words at a time, make you feel like you're shaking up a magic 8 ball, and the blue goop reveals a die that has little to say beyond 'It is certain', 'My sources say no', and 'Try again later'. 
“Is there a way you could distance yourself from this person so you don’t have any potential ‘slip ups’?” you ask.
“Sure, but I’d have to stop counseling if I did.”
“Excuse me, Mr. Kennedy-”
“Leon.”
“Right. Leon, I’m not trying to be presumptuous, but are you insinuating that these thoughts are about me?”
“That they are.” His smile gives you a golden star-shaped sticker for guessing correctly.
You give him a scowl. "I'll set you up with a new therapist, then."
“Let me ask you something,” he says, leaning forward, staring right into your soul. “Are you attracted to me too?”
“I’m not comfortable answering-”
“That’s not a ‘no’. Is it?”
You try to wipe the look of shock arousal off your face.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to admit it. I remember you asking a lot of questions about my sex life, especially the parts that don’t involve my wife, and getting visibly flustered when I answered them.”
“Of course I asked questions like that. I’m a therapist. It’s what I do. I’m sorry if you-” 
You should ask him to leave, separate yourself before you explode in frustration. Getting defensive is not a healthy way to argue. You know this. You've told him this.
“If I remember correctly you asked me about how I touch myself, when I do it, if I watch anything.” He doesn't wait for a response from you, but it wouldn't have come anyway. “And, the whole time you were sitting there chewing on your pen, pretending not to imagine it. And then writing it down in a hurry, making sure you got down every little detail.” He taps on your pad of paper.
“Can I see this for a moment?” He snags it from the table beside you and flips through the pages. Without thinking, you leap forward and try to snatch it from him, falling into his lap.
The embarrassing part is when he lifts you off of him. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
“It’s highly confidential!”
“Mr and Mrs. Kennedy,” he begins to read imitating your voice.
“Enough.” You use your sternest voice with him - which is far from stern.
“It says right here that Mr. Kennedy is 'a total dick’ but ‘totally fuckable’.”
“It does not!”
“You’re right. It doesn’t. But you were thinking it. Weren’t you?” He looks up with a smile on his face that’s both charming and cruel.
"I'm not playing whatever game you're trying to play with me right now, Leon."
It's the devil's edition of 20 questions, it seems.
He flips the pad closed, and says, “I’ll leave right now if you answer one question truthfully.”
“Fine," you huff, snatching the pad of paper and stashing it out of his reach.
“Did you go home and touch yourself while thinking about me?”
You shake your head vehemently. "No. Absolutely not."
“You couldn’t even make it home, huh? You did it right here, didn’t you?”
You don't have to answer - the look on your face gives it away.
“Was it on the couch? Right where I was sitting? Where I'm sitting right now."
“Fine. You win, you got it right. Are you happy now?” You concede because you want to end this conversation as quickly as possible, so you can go hide your face and die. 
You want him to fuck you within an inch of your life and then you'll die happily. La petite mort? That's what they call it, right? You want that.
Leon just hums in response, giving you no insight into his thoughts. Though it doesn't take a therapist to guess that he's mentally fucking you. To your surprise, he slaps his hands on his thighs and stands up.
When he gets to the door, you say, “Wait-”
“What?” He asks, nonchalant to such a degree that one might believe the events of the previous few minutes never transpired at all.
“What are you doing?”
“Leaving. Like I said I would.”
“You’re just gonna leave? Do you get off on embarrassing people? Is that it?”
“No. I get off to you, and you know that." He's oddly defensive despite having the upper hand. "I also know that a large part of you despises me, but it’s because there’s a part of you that wants to fuck me.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
He shrugs. “You’re the therapist, not me.”
“I’m telling your wife.”
“You’re going to tattle on me?" He laughs. “That wouldn’t be very HIPAA-compliant of you, would it?”
“Why are you doing this?" It feels like a nightmare that you can't escape where a terrifying shadowy figure is chasing you while you're screaming out for help and no one's listening. Except, this is more horrific due to the fact that you like it. Your thoughts about the man in front of you are downright depraved. You are both the monster, mirrors of each other. 
"I thought you wanted to fix your marriage," you say.
“My wife wants to fix our marriage. You and I both know it’s doomed. But you’re not allowed to say that, are you?”
You shouldn't be saying half the things you are right now, but it's too late to turn back now. You are the sunk cost. And the ship that was the concept of 'fixing Leon's marriage' has already sailed.
“You want the truth? I’ve known since the moment you opened your mouth that your marriage was done.”
“Then why did you keep having sessions? Was it for the money?” He pauses. “I doubt it. You’re a good therapist. You could get other clients. There was another reason. And, we both know what that reason is, but I won’t make you say it. I’m not that mean.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“And that’s what you like most about me.”
“It is not.”
“Then what is it?”
“Fuck you!”
“Do you want to? I wouldn’t be opposed.”
“Convince me.”
“Haven’t I already?”
“No.”
“Then why are you asking me to convince you instead of telling me to fuck off? You just want me to come up with a reason that doesn’t make you feel bad about doing it.”
“And there isn’t one.”
“No, there isn’t," he says with a bit of pity, knowing he's dragging you down into the second circle of Hell with him.
“You have to swear to tell your wife.”
“Is that a yes?”
He did not swear to tell his wife, but Leon is a cheater and a liar already. If he swore to tell his wife, you'd only be an idiot to believe him. 
“Lock the door.”
He turns around and flicks the lock. “Done.”
You stand up and his mouth is on yours. He’s the best kisser. Silver-tongued, you should've known it. You can fucking taste it too. Metallic. No, that's blood. You bit his lip hard enough to draw blood.
You’re the one who starts undressing him first but he doesn’t make fun of you. He helps you out of your top instead.
“Goddamn you have perfect tits. It’s a shame you always keep ‘em hidden.”
“It’s a professional environment.”
“Yeah, it’s so professional that you fuck your clients in it.”
“I’ve never done this before.”
"Don't worry. You’re not the first therapist I’ve fucked. I’ll lead.” Leon lays you down on the couch  - roughly, but cradling your head so you don’t knock it on anything. 
You gasp. "Leon, the couch is damp from your wet clothes," you whine.
"I promise it'll be soaked by the time I leave."
Before you can open your mouth, he’s kissing down your chest, making his way to your panties. His tongue is good at more than just talking. He has you unraveling within minutes, moaning obscenely.
“As much as love your pretty moans, baby, we’ve gotta be quiet. Don’t want you to get fired.”
“I deserve it.”
“No, you don’t. You’re a good therapist, and a good girl.”
“You think I’m a good girl?”
“So good. And you taste amazing.” He places a kiss on your clit and you nearly cry, having forgotten the feeling of his tongue in the mere seconds you spent without it. “I want you to come in my mouth.” He sucks on your clit until you do.
Leon's lips are dark and puffy when they meet yours - the ones on your face. He asks, “How did you imagine us doing it?”.
“Mostly me on top of you.”
“It’s a good idea, isn’t it?” he says, placing featherlight kisses from your jaw down your neck.
You shake your head. “None of this is.”
“I know. You've got morals. You’re a good girl.” He pauses before whispering into the shell of your ear, “That’s why you deserve to have me however you want me.”
His right hand is busy holding you steady so he fingers you with his left. You watch as his wedding band slips in and out of your pussy along with his middle finger, giving a double fuck you to his wife with each movement.
He seems fascinated by the squelching sounds, no longer focused on getting his dick inside you. The heavy rain outside covers up some of the noise but not enough to save you the embarrassment.
"Jesus. Just fuck me already." You try desperately to avoid sounding desperate, praying he takes your irritation at face value.
But you're too obvious, you wear your sick, sick heart on your sleeve. 
"You want my dick that bad and you haven't even seen it yet."
"I hope it's as big as your ego."
"No you don't. That'd be painful, medically concerning probably."
You want to laugh because he manages to be funny and charming as hell despite being an absolute dick, but that fact makes you hate him more. And the blood that courses through you has nowhere to go but south.
All the while, his fingers refuse to leave your aching center. "Leon," you whine, pushing his hand away, "you're gonna make me cum again."
"I know," he purrs. "I wanna make up for all the months you've spent here by yourself, with your fingers inside you instead of mine."
"I was pretending they were yours." There's no point in saving the confession anymore.
"I'm sure you were, but I've got somethin' better for you, baby."
And, abruptly, he removes his fingers. You watch him unbuckle his belt, and despite this being your fantasy, you look at him like he's betrayed you.
"What?" he says, coyly, "I thought you wanted this."
"I do, but I was about to cum, and you just took your fingers away. You're such an asshole!" You pout like a bratty child.
"Yeah, I know I am," he says - his words are muffled by the square packet he tears with his teeth. He slides on the rubber barrier before he picks you up and sits you down on his cock, disregarding the obscene noises you make as he shoves himself inside you all at once.
You're wet but there's a stretch. His dick is big, maybe not as big as his ego, but bigger than any you've taken before. This is how he gets away with it, you think.
"Fuck, you're tight," he groans. His hands have an iron grip on your hips. "You've gotta learn to loosen up and relax. You're too high strung. This is probably good for you."
It's not, you'll find when the orgasm wears off, but right now it feels really fucking good.
His thumb circles your clit while you bounce up and down, working well in tandem. Ironic, as you've made so little progress in your weekly sessions. As expected, the dual stimulation makes you slick with arousal, opening you up for him.
His voice sounds distant, droned out by your own moans which get even louder as his words get filthier. "Bet all your advice didn't work 'cause your brain was all fuzzy thinking about what my cock would feel like inside you. Or maybe you did it on purpose 'cause you wanted me all to yourself."
"No… n-no-" you say, voice trembling just as your thighs do.
"S'okay, baby. Girls with messy pussies like you can't help it. Just need to get some dick in you and then you can go back to being a good girl."
Can you? Maybe you can a 'good girl' in the bedroom, but a morally-upstanding woman? Even in your own eyes, he's corrupted you.
Still, you call out for him, "Leon," you cry, the singular syllable drawn out. You are lucky that the thunder from the storm is louder than your voice could ever be.
"I know," he says, "I'm close too."
The way your walls squeeze him when you cum drags his own orgasm from him. 
You are oddly dissatisfied at the fact that he spills into the condom, not into you. It feels so impersonal. Because it is. It doesn't escape you that he didn't say your name - not even a pet name - just a simple 'fuck' when he came.
You point him in the direction of the trashcan where he can throw away the physical evidence of the mess you've made.
His pants are back on in a second while you remain naked on the couch.
"Where are you going?"
"Home," he says. "Ashley's making dinner. Don't wanna keep her waiting."
"You're gonna go home to her?" you say, more disappointed than surprised.
"Yeah. What did you think I was going to do?"
Truly, you weren't thinking. If you were, you would not have had sex with Leon. 
"I'm surprised you're not happy. I'm gonna go spend some quality time with my wife. That was your advice - wasn't it?"
"Yeah, but-"
"But what? You're our marriage counselor. I'm just trying to fix my marriage."
"You're doing an awful job."
"I know," he says, with his hand on the doorknob. "See you on Wednesday."
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autistichalsin · 9 months
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NO BUT LISTEN TO ME!!!
HALSIN'S FUCKING EPILOGUE KILLS ME! BECAUSE! Not only do you see how much he is healing, but you also see how much healing he still has left to do!!!
Take this line if the player joins him at the commune:
"Tell me... are you happy with the path we tread together? I took you from a life of high adventure, to one that can be described as anything but. I thought perhaps that seeing everyone once again, and hearing of all that they have been doing... it might awaken some regret, about the life we lead. You could have done anything, gone with anyone... yet you chose me."
That one statement conveys so much. So much doubt and insecurity. He still doesn't view himself as particularly worth settling down for; and in fact, secretly worries the player is (or will soon discover themselves to be) miserable at it. He has a remarkably modest nature, yes, but this is a step beyond. Even with the player's love and kindness, he is in a similar state to that first romance scene, where he thought one little mistake (wildshaping on accident) would make the player leave him forever. Here, too, he's terrified the player will discover the "truth", that they never actually wanted him, and might even leave him. :(
After the player reassures him:
"Forgive me. This past while has been so idyllic that I almost fear something must go wrong. A fear I shall overcome, trust me. We are amongst friends, in celebration."
"I almost fear something must go wrong."
People with PTSD experience this one a lot. Why are things going so well? What's about to go wrong? He acknowledges he will heal in time, but he still isn't there yet.
"I am glad to hear it. Forgive an old fool in need of a little reassurance. I am still expecting to stir from the dream."
Same as the above. He's waiting to find that none of it is real, that he's still trapped at the Grove in utter isolated misery.
Other dialogues, when meeting up with either a romanced player who didn't go with him, or with a friend player:
"Perhaps that is so for you, but for me? It may be that a peaceful life after so many years of tumult has made me sentimental."
Acknowledging the years of tumult, and the effect they had on him, while also noting the good changes the last six peaceful months have brought him.
"You are right, of course. I am accustomed to dwelling on the past, even when it brought me nothing but unhappiness. You changed that, and gave me the most precious of memories."
This one is one of the most profound of all, especially because Halsin, so many times, tells the player not to regret things, to focus on making a future together, etc. But when it comes to his own traumatic memories, he is still unable to stop dwelling on some of them- "even when it (brings him) nothing but unhappiness."
He's done so much healing in his six months at the commune; you can already tell what a new, happier person he is. He even brings up that his restless, roaming nature has settled now that he has a place he belongs. But you can also see where the traumas have left deeper scars on him that will take much, much longer to heal.
(... And this is why I will NEVER choose any dialogue option for the romanced epilogue EXCEPT FOR "I chose you for a reason, and have never looked back." This man deserves to hear it at least a dozen times a day for the rest of his life. :( )
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haine-kleine · 2 months
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after sitting with my thoughts about the epilogue for some time, I think the thing that broke the story had started right after Dabi's dance. said thing is LOV' utterly out of character treatment of each other and Shigaraki specifically.
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them just standing there and passively observing the scene makes absolutely zero sense, if you use anything from their previously established relationships within the organisation for reference. especially with All for One's creepy comments. Spinner even points out shortly before this chapter that AFO!Shigaraki seems nothing like his normal self and this person is not the one he had chosen to follow.
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and yes, Spinner does approach screaming Shigaraki and tries to help him, and his concern later leads him to seeing Shigaraki's mutated form in the cave, and on its own this development for Spinner is in line with his character and all around fine. pretty reminiscent of Toga and Twice, too.
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(except Spinner is not allowed to really help Shigaraki in any way, unlike Toga was allowed to help Twice, and this entire thing between Shigaraki and Spinner only ends with Spinner's regrets and survivor's guilt instead of anything good or meaningful that isn't meaningless angst porn)
it isn't Spinner approaching Shigaraki that is the issue, it's the other's complete lack of action or even reaction besides appearing mildly disturbed. this is simply out of character for all of them, just judging by Twice's example who had similar breakdowns and wasn't plainly ignored by the others until his fit stops. this reaction makes even less sense, when you take into account the current state of the League. Twice had just been murdered by Hawks, the double agent who had infiltrated the League via Dabi, and Mister Compress had just sacrificed himself to give the League a chance for escape, and was sent to Tartarus immediately after his condition was no longer life threatening. Kurogiri is also being held captive by the heroes. there are only four of them left, with two dead and two captured. and none of them even mention the dead or the captured outside of the context of Kurogiri and his quirk.
this straight out makes no sense if you look back to the Overhaul arc and remember how far Shigaraki and the rest of them were willing to go to avenge Magne's death and Mr Compress' destroyed arm. this was important.
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the event had motivated Shigaraki to be a better leader, because he had realized these people depend on him, and he won't let them be hurt under his protection. it had started the seed of self-doubt in Jin which would eventually grow to the desperation that allowed him to overcome the mental block against his quirk in the MVA arc, because he wanted to do everything he possibly could to help the League. it allowed him to make his clones despite the crippling trauma, because he saw Toga's hurt, bleeding body, and he didn't want her to die.
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even fucking Giran, a broker whose very profession requires him to care about himself and his own well-being first and foremost, had sacrificed all of his fingers to prevent Redestro from getting his hands on the League. because he wants to protect them, to save them. and then we never actually see his mutilated hands or hear anything from him ever again.
and when Twice actually dies? all we get in response to that are two upset faces from Dabi and Toga's fury. that's it.
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i really want to stress how out of character this barely-present reaction is, because Magne's example is right there and when Overhaul had killed her, the League knew each other for no longer than a month. this League has been together for at least half a year, had been through thick and thin together, had spent months on the run, homeless, having no one but each other to rely on, has defeated the Meta Liberation Army, quite literally, with the power of their friendship. they all cared enough about each other and Shigaraki specifically to stay with him during those months they had to fight Gigantomachia with barely any breaks for rest, still homeless, barely scraping by. it was imperative that they all survive through this together, especially for Shigaraki, who had went on this quest of getting stronger at least partly so that he would become a more reliable protector for the League. and when Twice falls victim to the hero who had murdered him in cold blood, because no one except for Dabi was there to save him, Shigaraki doesn't even get to react to Twice's death, and possibly never even learns about the fact.
on topic of Dabi, his reaction being exactly two frames of sad expressions and including the footage of Twice's murder into his broadcast, and ending immediately after that, also makes no sense. Dabi is someone who holds himself accountable and despite his declarations, cares about the League, it's the very reason he was keeping Hawks from the League and sprinted to Twice as soon as he realized Hawks' intentions with him, to protect him. Dabi's unsuccessful attempt to save Twice is another iteration of Overhaul, a combination of Shigaraki and Twice's roles in the tragedy. but unlike Shigaraki, who had steeled himself into taking care of his subordinates and becoming a responsible and strong leader, or Twice who had never forgotten about his role in the incident, Dabi just somehow forgets about the entire thing as soon as the first war is over. Toga is the one whom the narrative allows to actively react to Twice's death and express her grief. it makes sense that her reaction would be the strongest, as she was the closest with Twice, but why are two LOV members no longer allowed to care about the same incident at the same time? why aren't they allowed to protect each other anymore, when Giran, who is not even in the League, had made that sacrifice for them?
These are pretty small things, but it's these instances of Toga and Dabi preventing Machia from being injected with the sedative, protecting the League that are sorely missing in the second war.
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and the biggest act of devotion and protection to the League, which was the last time we saw anything like this for them, Mister Compress' last moments with the League.
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Mutilating his own body just to buy them five seconds to possibly escape. Because he loved the League, because he wanted all of them to be happy and achieve their dreams, to be free, and to live.
and in return for the favour, not only do they not come back for him like they did for Kurogiri (because his quirk is important for the plot, while Compress' isn't), but none of them mention Compress ever again. same with Twice (with the exception of Toga), same with Magne. from this point onwards, none of them are allowed by the plot to even care about the League of Villains. the interpersonal relationships between two individuals still shine through, occasionally, like Spinner's devotion to Shigaraki (and him alone), Dabi and Toga's pyromaniac trauma lane visit to her house and him giving her Twice's blood, Kurogiri reaching out to Shigaraki in the very end. but what about the League? ahd what about the dead members of the League, or Mister Compress?
somehow, at the point of the final war it boils down to the generalized conflict of heroes vs villains and the morality gymnastics involved in the concept. on its own, this would have been an okay development, if the examples the story was using to prove its point weren't people who had become very close friends and who had lost four people to this war against the heroes.
if the individual conflicts, like Toga's desperation to be acknowledged as human being deserving of affection, Dabi's familial abuse trauma and Shigaraki's lifelong manipulation by All for One not giving him any chance to be saved at all, were the finishing line of the villains' story development, why join them within the League at all? LOV is a separate concept functioning as a collective uniting all these villains, giving them a place to belong and people who give a fuck whether they live or die. except not anymore, because for some reason after the first war this concept is scratched completely.
so why not make them mere acquaintances who sometimes collaborate to bother the heroes together, if the bond between them got in the way of the story and wasn't the point of the story? why prove the depth of their bond with the Overhaul and My Villain Academia arcs? why make Shigaraki develop relationships and a sense of responsibility for these people at all, if in the very end his desire to save these people is denied by the author himself?
the previous arcs have spent a great deal of effort establishing that the villains are human too. they have human feelings, human desires and human relationships. so why is it that in the final arc their ability to experience human emotions towards each other is turned on and off manually by the author? at the very end even the author stops pretending like anything happening to the villains is evaluated on the scale of human experiences (unlike the heroes, whose injuries and deaths are talked about and mourned in great detail) and Kurogiri and Shigaraki are wiped out like plot inconveniences rather than important and well written characters.
honestly? it's ironically meta that the story ended up proving the very point it has spent 400 chapters arguing against.
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lgbtlunaverse · 8 months
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It seems the dash has been talking about the Lan Xichen - Nie Huaisang post-canon dynamics and it's gotten me thinking about how discussion around post-canon Lan Xichen's absolutely horrendous mental state often center around the question of "who is Lan Xichen angry at and who does he feel guilty about" which, at its worst, seperates into 2 camps where according to one side he feels guilty about not protecting jgy and hates the Nies and, on the other side he has completely flipped on jgy and despises him now while being filled with regret towards both nmj and nhs.
And I dislike both of these takes not just because it often feels like people projecting their own Blorbo opinions onto Lan Xichen which is never a fun time but also because that central question is flawed to begin with. It treats anger and guilt like opposing emotions that can't coexist or, if they do, have to compete until one wins and cancels the other out.
And that's not how that... works.
To be clear, the reason why Lan Xichen is so supremely fucked up at the end of the story is that he believes on some level he fucked over everyone in this situation. And, even more importantly, that even with hindsight he can't actually think of what he should have done instead. Every attempt to do better by one seems to involve fucking over the others even more because these people were in conflict with each other and choosing one would mean standing against another
And none of this would actually stop him from feeling angry at any of them. It's not "who is he angry at and who does he feel guilty about" it's: "he is angry at everyone and feels an immediate and bone deep guilt for daring to think badly of them."
Speaking from personal experience here, but feeling like you're not allowed to be angry at someone because you wronged them really doesn't stop the feeling, it just maks you feel like shit for feeling it. And this is all worsened by the fact that what he's in seclusion for is, at the end of the day, a moral question of what he, Lan Xichen, did wrong and every single emotion serves as further proof of the ways he's failed them.
Is he angry at Jin Guangyao, for killing his oldest friend, using Lan xichen's trust in him to do it, and then lying to him about it and countless other things for a decade when Lan Xichen thought of him as the person he trusted the most in the entire world? Yeah. That's a thing people get angry about! Except Jin Guangyao also saved his life and protected and helped him more times than he can count and never ever hurt him and can Lan Xichen say the same? No. He had to clean A-Yao's blood off Shouyue, he has to be haunted by the fact that if he just hadn't listened to Huaisang- hadn't been just like everyone else, in the end, and believed a lie about Jin Guangyao just to think the worst of him- then Jin Guangyao might still be alive.
Is he angry at Huaisang? For orchestrating the death of his best friend? For making him do it? For knowing what the real cause behind Nie Mingjue's death was and never telling him until he found out in the absolute worst way? Absolutely. But didn't Huaisang hide it from him for a reason? Wasn't it his clan's techniques and his personal faith in Jin Guangyao that cost Huaisang his brother? How dare he demand that Huaisang let him in on the secret of his brother's murderer when Lan Xichen is here wondering about how he should have protected that murderer better!
And I do even think he's angry at Nie Mingjue, sometimes I think it's pretty normal to be angry at your friend for kicking your other friend down the stairs and threatening to kill him, even when you know his mind is being poisoned. And years later the last thing he ever saw of Nie Mingjue was Nie Mingjue's thoughtless corpse coming to kill him before Jin Guangyao pushed him away and then proceeded to graphocally snap Jin Guangyao's neck in front of him. And if what he wants to do is protect Jin Guangyao, shouldn't he be mad at Mingjue? Didn't this whole mess start because Jin Guangyao was afraid Nie Mingjue was going to kill him?
Except holy shit, can you imagine? Lan Xichen feels like he personally has Nie Mingjue's blood on his hands. Your oldest friend is killed in front of you and you happily believe it's an accident for 11 years and now you think you have the right to be mad at him? You watched him get worse as he was being poisoned and attributed it to his illness and not to the techniques stolen from your library with the token you give his murderer. Does he think Nie Mingjue knew who he was in that moment and wanted to kill him? That he blamed Lan Xichen for his death? (For the record, I don't. I don't agree with most of what Lan Xichen thinks about himself, but I've been in a self-blame spiral and I know how it feels)
But what was he supposed to do then? Choose Mingjue's side and let A-Yao die? That's also unacceptable. But so is letting Jin Guangyao get away with it. Every single outcome is unacceptable. And really, if Jin Guangyao felt like he had to kill Nie Mingjue to save himself, when it was Lan Xichen who was supposed to keep the peace between them, isn't that another mark of his failure? That he couldn't protect Jin Guangyao well enough that he felt he had to do something so horrible?
But that's not an answer! He's supposed to know what he should have done different, and all he can come up with is "what you were already doing, but without failing this time" He can't pick a side because that means betrayal, but he's already tried not picking a side and it ended like this! There is no right answer, which can only leave him with the idea that he was simply doomed to hurt the people he loved from the start. No wonder the guy looks like shit when we see him post-canon. They put him in a real life trolley problem and gave him the lever as a souvenir.
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