#I honestly don’t think his story is as simple as he presents it

[fellhellion]

It’s time for your hourly tunes thoughts on miguel but like. So interesting to me that there’s an element of self-centredness to his empathy regarding people and situations that hit too close to his guilt and anger at himself.

It’s not as if he’s utterly emotionally distanced from the average person simply by fact of the multiverse; he cries out when the renaissance Vulture strikes the helicopter and sounds genuinely distressed.

But I think the reason he at first denies Jess recruiting Gwen is strictly because of her relation to Miles, since there’s other Spiders around the same age in the society. But I also think the reason he finally relents is because she reminds him of himself when she says in that small unsure voice that she has no idea how to fix this. That’s what his weary response about joining the club says to me at least. And he sends her home because she voices a doubt I think he has himself.

His “Do you want to find out?” response to Gwen’s question of if he’s certain Miles will cause harm by changing canon doesn’t exactly ring of certain knowledge to me, only fear and anger at the possibility of it all happening again.

Regarding Miles as well, I think both the anger and eventual empathy regarding Miles losing his father are both tainted by Miguel seeing himself in each aspect. He’s utterly unable to evaluate Miles’s actions separately his own trauma.

[queenie-ofthe-void]

“Led Zeppelin? Never heard of them,” Steve lies, like a liar. Of course he’s heard of them, thinks maybe Hop’s mentioned them before. Doesn’t really know the band well, and probably definitely couldn’t name a song. But the comment serves its purpose, and the trap is set.

Eddie calls it the Zep Campaign. Every day they’ll listen to one album, and Steve will pick his favorite song from each. Eight days for eight albums. On the last day, they’ll narrow it down to one song to rule them all– because apparently even Led Zeppelin likes the Mordor books Dustin doesn’t shut up about. 

Each day, Steve struggles to pick a favorite. Day four isn’t bad– doesn’t mind a song that is actually called Rock and Roll, which is just a lazy title in his opinion– but they’re only half way through and the songs are all starting to sound the same. An endless stream of too-fast guitar melodies and weird, wobbly sounds he’s sure he’s never heard before. The vocals are his favorite part, but the lyrics are vague and confusing.

Long story short, he’s not a fan.

But this growing thing between him and this ridiculous metalhead is new, fragile. So if it’s important to Eddie, it’s important to Steve. 

“Stevie, we really don’t have to keep doing this,” Eddie concedes. It’s day eight, the final album, and he thinks even Eddie might be desperate to listen to something different. “You’ve listened to every other album and honestly this one is the worst. They were all on drugs, and this isn’t even their sound ya know? Like it’s not even real metal.”

And honestly, Steve does know. He’s been listening to this band for eight days and yeah, all the songs sound the same. But these ones are different. Softer. He’s made it this far, and he’s nothing if not persistent for the people he loves.

Sprawled out on the floor next to the boy he likes, passing a fading joint back and forth, he thinks he can suffer a bit longer. 

“No Eds come on, we’re halfway through anyways. Just flip it over and we’ll smoke while we finish.” Eddie huffs a sigh, but Steve can see the slight uptick of his lips, reminding him of why he’s doing this. He flips the record and crawls back, presses himself flush up against Steve’s side.

The next song is long, too long to keep his attention. They burn down their joint and Steve leans heavily onto Eddie’s open chest. He gets lost staring at the vinyl art. A guy dressed in a fancy white suit sits alone in a dive bar, the only splash of color against a dull background. The bartender looks gruff, like the rest of the bar, making the man stand out even more. He wonders if that’s how he looks posted up at the Hideout during Eddie’s shows. Wonders if he looks just as out of place in Eddie’s life as this man does, even though he looks comfortable there too. 

Eddie shifts his arms around Steve, bringing him back to the present. The song has changed and Steve feels the slow melody wash over him.

“Wait,” Steve cries out, flailing up and out of Eddie’s arms as he registers the new song. It’s soft with a steady beat. It’s got synth-- the sound Eddie told him he likes in pop music. This song isn’t loud and chaotic like the rest. The voice is soothing and the lyrics are mostly simple enough. It’s different, and he can’t believe it but–

All of my love, all of my love

all of my love to you, oh

“This one. I like this song. Like actually like it.”

Eddie sits up and stares at him. He can see the dramatic shock and annoyance on Eddie’s face. But it’s doing nothing to hide his broad smile and shining eyes. 

“Steven. Stevie. Baby, sweetheart, this absolutely cannot be your favorite Zeppelin song. Out of all the songs on all the albums and all the hours of poetic melodies I’ve forced upon you, you choose the most non-Zep Zeppelin song.” Steve laughs sweetly as he watches Eddie fail to keep the glee out of his supposedly annoyed voice.

The cup is raised, the toast is made yet again

One voice is clear above the din

“This song isn’t even metall!" Eddie screeches. He rants and raves, waiving his arms as he regales Steve with all of the reasons he should absolutely not like this one particular song. He's shining with happiness, dial turned up to a hundred and it's all aimed at Steve. He can't help but to gaze back fondly, enraptured in the adorably obnoxious spectacle.

"It’s all synth, almost no guitar because Page didn’t even write this one! He wrote all of them except two songs, Stevie, and of course that’s the one you chose. No one who knows good music even likes this album. It’s not even metal music and honestly I almost didn’t show it to you, that’s how bad it is!” They're both giggling, leaning falling slowly into the other's space. Facing one another, their feet tangled together, Steve twists and pulls on Eddie's rings. Just to touch.

“Well, maybe that’s why I like it,” Steve snarks, taking his hand. “Plus it’s a love song.” Daring to reach out.

All of my love, all of my love, yes

All of my love to you

Eddie’s smile dims a bit, softens at the edges as he grows serious. “It’s not a love song Stevie, not like that.” He’s looking at Steve but he isn’t. Looking past him into the back of his thoughts. “The lead singer, he wrote it for his son. His kid died of some kind of bad illness while he was on tour. Didn’t make it back in time.”

He pauses, and Steve waits. Knows Eddie has more to say, hoping his patience will pay off. Eddie’s sight refocuses and he heaves a heavy sigh. His eyes glisten as they lock onto Steve.  

“My mom used to sing it all the time. While she was cooking, or putting me to bed, or pulling weeds in the garden. She’d sing it constantly. Hell, she didn’t even know all the words, but she’d still try and sing the interludes– ya know, the music between the lyrics.” He laughs lightly, a stray tear just barely hanging on. Steve tightens his grip around Eddie’s hands and presses a kiss to his knuckles. A silent sign of gentle support and encouragement. 

“Sounds like a love song to me,” Steve whispers. Leaning forward, he presses a kiss to his forehead and pulls Eddie into a tight hug. 

All of my love, all of my love, to you now

“A love song just for you, from both of us.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've always headcanoned that Eddie loves Led Zeppelin, because he plays guitar and loves metal and reads Lord of the Rings so of course he would.

[pucksandpower]

Oooh the grid kids series is pure joy! I think it's really cool idea, especially because the drivers spend so much time around one another. Can i request one where maybe back in the day, rbr!seb and y/n were the grid kids of like mark and michael and jenson and back to present times, seb's grid kids are weirded out to see jenson and mark treat seb and y/n as their grid kids please. If that makes sense

Grid Kids: Gentlemen, a Short View Back to the Past

Sebastian Vettel x wife!Reader x platonic!drivers

Summary: once upon a time, the grid parents were grid kids themselves

Series Masterlist

When We Were Young

“Oi lovebirds! Stop canoodling in the garage, will ya?” Mark Webber chuckles, teasingly nudging Sebastian as you blush, having been caught stealing a quick kiss with your boyfriend in the middle of the chaotic paddock.

Michael, ever the protective figure, chimes in, “Leave them alone, Mark. It’s sweet. Remember when we were young and in love?” He winks at Sebastian, who grins, clearly relishing in having backup.

Jenson, leaning against a tire stack, chuckles, “Speak for yourself. Some of us still have it.” He sends you a playful wink and you laugh.

Sebastian wraps an arm around you, “Honestly, with the three of you as mentors, I’m surprised I’ve learned anything about racing.”

You smirk, “Maybe they're preparing you for the important race — the race of life?”

Mark snorts, “Deep, Y/N. Very deep.”

Michael smiles, a nostalgic look in his eyes, “You know, Y/N, you remind me a lot of my wife back in the day. Always grounding us racers, making sure our heads don’t get too big.”

Jenson nods in agreement, “True that. You have a way of making sure Seb here doesn’t drift into the clouds.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes, “Oh come on! You guys are just trying to get on Y/N’s good side because she’s the only one who brings proper coffee to the track.”

You giggle, “Guilty as charged. Can’t have my grid parents falling asleep at the wheel now, can I?”

Rain, Rain, Go Away

Sebastian and you stand with Jenson and Mark, sheltering under an awning as rain pours down, delaying the race. Michael ambles over, shaking off his umbrella.

Sebastian grins, “Typical Spa weather, huh?”

Jenson chuckles, “Isn’t it just? Every year I hope for sun by some miracle and every year...” He gestures at the rain dramatically.

You sigh, “I packed for a summer trip. Look at this!” You motion to your very damp sundress.

Mark smirks, “Rookie mistake. Always pack a wetsuit for Spa.”

Michael nods sagely, “And flippers.”

Oh Simple Thing

The smell of grilled meat wafts through the air as Jenson mans the BBQ at his home. You and Sebastian arrive, bringing along a homemade salad and plenty of sides.

“Ah, the dynamic duo!” Mark greets, pulling you into a friendly hug.

Michael points to the salad, “Trust Y/N to ensure we get our greens. Good on you!”

You wink, “Can’t have you all living on steaks and grilled chicken alone.”

As the evening progresses, stories from their early racing days are exchanged, often leading to fits of laughter. At one point, Mark shares an embarrassing story about Sebastian’s rookie mistake during a test session.

Sebastian groans, burying his face in his hands, “Do we have to bring that up again?”

You pat his back sympathetically, “It’s alright, Seb. Everyone has their moments.”

Jenson, taking a sip of his drink, adds, “That’s true. Just remember, no matter how many times they tease you, you’ve got Y/N in your corner. And that’s worth more than anything.”

Prank or Be Pranked

“Seb! Did you move my helmet?” Jenson calls out, rummaging through his locker as the five of you prepare to go karting, his face a picture of confusion.

Sebastian, feigning innocence, replies, “Why would I do that?”

You, smirking, lean in and whisper to Mark, “Five bucks says he put it on the highest shelf.”

Mark grins, “You’re on.”

As Jenson continues his search, he eventually finds his helmet perched high up, just out of reach. Michael, catching on to the prank, laughs, “Looks like our young prodigy here has learned a few tricks.”

Sebastian shrugs, “Consider it ... training. For reflexes and stuff.”

Jenson, using the handle of a dusty broom to retrieve his helmet, retorts, “Wait till you find out what I’ve done with your boots.”

Sebastian’s eyes widen in horror, “You didn’t!”

“This is going to be a long season.” You lean back against the brick wall as the overgrown children in front of you continue to bicker, fighting a smile.

Thanks for the Memories

Jenson, lounging comfortably in the hospitality area, raises an eyebrow as he watches you try to subtly wipe some oil off Sebastian's face. “You sure you’ve got him all cleaned up for the camera?”

You laugh, looking at a sheepish Sebastian who had been poking around his car earlier. “It’s like looking after a kid sometimes. He’s always getting into something.”

Michael chuckles from across the room, “Ah, young love. Sebastian, she’s got your number. But honestly, Y/N, good on you. We older ones have been trying to teach him some discipline.”

Mark smirks. “To be fair, Michael, I recall a certain someone ending up in a pool with his clothes on in Monaco just last year.”

Michael grins mischievously, “That was different. And anyway, Seb, Y/N, don’t get any ideas.”

You playfully roll your eyes, “Trust me, if he ends up in the water, I won’t be the one pushing him.”

Sebastian wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you close. “But you’d jump in to save me, right?”

You pretend to ponder, “Hmm, depends on how cold the water is.”

Jenson laughs, “Sebastian, you’ve found your match. But seriously, both of you, cherish these moments. The grid, the races, it’s all fleeting. But the relationships, the memories, they last.”

Michael nods in agreement, “Jenson’s right. One day you’ll be the veterans, guiding the young ones. Remember these days, learn from them.”

Mark clinks his water bottle to yours, “To memories and the journey ahead.”

Flintstones, Meet the Flintstones

Michael leans back in his chair, a smirk playing on his lips, “You know, when I started in F1 we didn’t have all this fancy tech and simulations. We relied on instinct.”

Jenson, faking shock, retorts, “Wait, you mean they didn’t have cars back then?”

Sebastian chuckles, glancing at you, “I bet he drove a dinosaur to the track.”

You laugh, “A very fast dinosaur, mind you.”

Mark, trying to keep a straight face, adds, “Michael, be honest. Was your racing suit made of ... loincloth?"

Michael plays along, “Yes and our helmets were carved out of stone.”

You chime in, “I heard they used saber-toothed tigers as pit crews.”

Jenson nods, “Oh, absolutely. And the pit stops? Ten minutes. Had to give the tigers a break.”

Michael rolls his eyes, laughing, “Alright, alright, mock the legend if you must. But remember, young ones, we paved the way.”

Mark grins, “And we’re grateful, old man. But don’t forget, it’s their turn now.”

Sebastian, ever competitive, challenges, “Race you to the track?”

Michael raises an eyebrow, “You sure about that?”

You laugh, “Careful, Seb. He might just bring out his dinosaur.”

Passing the Torch

Michael stands, his presence commanding the room’s attention even without a word spoken. Holding a helmet delicately in his hands, he clears his throat. “In every racer’s life, there comes a time when the tracks call to you a little less, the roar becomes a distant echo, and you realize there’s a world waiting for you outside the paddock.”

He glances over at Sebastian, then to you, emotion shimmering in his eyes. “But before I step into that world, I wanted to leave behind something, a token of gratitude and hope.”

Sebastian’s brow furrows slightly, curiosity evident. “Michael, you’ve already given so much to all of us …”

Michael interrupts with a soft chuckle, “Seb, always impatient! Let me finish.”

He then looks at you, his gaze warm and fatherly, “Y/N, you may not race on the track, but you’ve raced in all our hearts, guiding, supporting, laughing, and cheering louder than everyone else.”

“Sebastian, Y/N,” Michael continues, his voice imbued with emotion, “This helmet, from my last race, isn’t just a piece of equipment. It’s a symbol. A legacy.”

Gently placing the helmet on the table, he pushes it towards the two of you. “It’s about the weight of responsibility, the dreams it carries, the hopes it’s seen, and the love it’s felt.”

The room is silent, the magnitude of the gesture palpable.

Sebastian, clearly moved, speaks up, voice choked with emotion, “Michael, this ... this is ... I’m not sure if we can ever fill the space you leave behind.”

Michael smiles, placing a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder, then moving to hug you tightly. “That’s the thing about spaces. They evolve. They change. You two won’t fill my space. You’ll create your own.”

Pulling away, he raises his glass, “To new beginnings, to timeless legacies, and to family. Always to family.”

Back to the Future

As Max saunters into the room, he stops short, eyebrows raised in surprise. Jenson is teasing Sebastian, ruffling his hair like he’s a teenager, while Mark playfully nudges Y/N’s arm, offering her a drink.

Max blinks a few times, trying to process the scene. “Is ... is Jenson giving Seb a noogie?”

George peers over from his conversation with Lando, both their eyes widening. “It looks like it ... and Y/N’s being drawn into some sort of mock arm wrestling with Mark. What alternate reality did we walk into?”

Charles, mouth agape, chuckles, “It’s like watching a nature documentary: Here we observe the older generation asserting their playful dominance over the younger one.”

Lando giggles, nudging George. “Mate, should we jump in? Even the odds a bit?”

Before George can answer, Mick, who’s been observing silently, leans in. “Guys, it’s kind of sweet. You remember the stories they've told about the old days? This is just ... history repeating itself.”

Max, still trying to wrap his head around the scene, shakes his head with a laugh. “Never thought I’d see the day when Seb gets his hair messed up and doesn’t immediately fix it.”

Lance calls out, “Maybe we should start taking notes. This might be us in a few years.”

Grid Kids and Grand-Grid Kids

Charles saunters over to Mark and Jenson, holding up a race boot he’d just had signed by both of them. “Thanks for this, mates. It will be a special addition to my collection.”

Mark pats Charles on the back, “Anything for our grand-grid kid.”

Charles stops mid-stride, turning to look at Mark with a puzzled expression. “Your what now?”

Jenson chuckles, handing Lando a signed cap. “Didn’t Seb and Y/N mention? Since they’re your grid parents and they’re our grid kids ... well, that makes you our grand-grid kids.”

Lando bursts into laughter, while George, overhearing the exchange, raises an eyebrow. “Wait, so we’re like ... the second generation of grid offspring? This is getting complicated.”

Mick leans in with a smirk, “Hold on. So if I’m following this logic properly, that would mean double the birthday gifts, right?”

Jenson grins, “Well, perhaps but it also means double the expectations on the track.”

Lance playfully rolls his eyes, “Great, double the pressure. Just what we needed.”

Max joins the banter, “Are there grand-grid kid initiation rites we should know about? Because I’ve seen old photos of Seb and Y/N with you guys and let’s just say that fashion has come a long way.”

Mark feigns shock, “You’re dissing our style from back in the day? Careful, young one.”

Charles, cocking an eyebrow, shoots back at Max, “Especially considering the only thing in your closet is Red Bull merch.”

The group bursts into laughter, Max chuckling and nodding in acknowledgment. “Touche, Leclerc. Touche.”

[fullofbees]

My God's Bane (Astarion x F!Tav)

Tav no longer recognizes herself while Astarion finally comes to terms with his feelings towards her.

AKA I wrote my own leadup to Astarion's confession scene :3

CW: LOTS of angst, religious conflict/crisis, mentions of past physical, emotional, and sexual abuse (Astarion), mild depictions of gore Word Count: 9,437

He liked to think that he had a talent for reading people at this point. Most wear their emotions clearer than they believe. Even when they hide behind a quiet, joyful, or indifferent mask, everyone slips, shows their hand so to speak, and that’s when he strikes. 

However, when it came to the leader of their ragtag band of weirdos, she was easy. She slipped the moment they met, when he cornered her about killing one of those brain creatures outside the nautiloid crash. She all but ran to his supposed rescue, not thinking twice that the man before her could pose harm. It was as simple as breathing back then, to betray that small boundary of trust when he held his blade to her throat. 

Her heart was on her sleeve, and she extended it to every wayward soul they encountered. With remarkable speed, she was able to secure new adventurers for their mission. She made vows to the tieflings and druids alike, intent on restoring order despite the limited time they had. Whether foe or ally, she sought the safety of all involved – such is the way of a valiant paladin. It was an inconvenience, honestly. 

Ever since they arrived at the Shadowlands, though, Tav’s personality changed.  

Their first day in the darkness brought them to battle between the Harpers and their arachnoid escort. The towering bastard had to go and cast Sanctuary constantly, leaving the rest to pick off the weaker cultists until they could find an opening past his defense.  

Tav had swung the final blows, her blade illuminated in a holy light that was nearly blinding against the shadows. The drider fell, and joined his fellow Absolutists as bloody road markers.  

She was an excitable kind of person, cheering and hollering with the smallest of victories, giddy with triumph whenever her enemies fell. Add Karlach into the mix, and Astarion was positive that sleep would evade the camp that night, the two warriors whooping into the night, drunk off wine and adrenaline.  

But, as she had stood over the vanquished drider, Tav was silent. He could not make out the emotion that crossed her face; reverence – or perhaps mourning, as he watched Tav kneel to close each eye the spider possessed.  

Astarion knew he was the only one to witness it. The others were engaged in conversation as the Harpers so graciously invited them to their little hideout, in the form of an abandoned inn. When Tav stood from the ground and turned, she froze upon seeing him standing there, eyes wide with panic as she fumbled for words to say. 

All she managed was a desperate, “Please don’t tell the others.” 

He didn’t understand why, at the time, he had allowed her to place such trust in him.  

The same night, when everyone was gathered around the campfire, joking and sharing stories over whatever meal Gale managed to throw together, she stared into the flames until one of their companions pulled her mind back to the present.  

“An actual drider,” marvels Wyll, “It would have been magnificent if it weren’t so grotesque. Wouldn’t you agree, Tav?” 

“Hmm?” She hummed, eyes transfixed on the bowl in her hands. 

“The drider,” Wyll tried again, almost in disbelief that she had not heard him the first time, “What did you make of it?” 

Her spoon circled the bowl for the umpteenth time, the sound immensely grating to Astarion’s sensitive hearing.  

“Him,” she muttered. 

“I’m sorry?” Wyll asked. 

“What did I make of him? He’s a person, not an ‘it’,” she corrected with a huff of offense. “That poor man...” 

“I wouldn’t go so far as to pity the creature,” admonished Shadowheart, “It is only fitting that one be punished for failing their Goddess. Really, we were doing it a favor.” 

There’s an unwon arrogance that Shadowheart tends to mince her words with. Usually, he would find her quips amusing, but he wished she would have read the obvious tension.  

“He’s not a creature!” Tav slammed the bowl into the dirt in front of her. The metallic clang of the spoon against ceramic rang out into the stunned silence of those around the fire. 

“He was hurting! Desperate to be seen after Lolth’s rejection... and all it got him was a tadpole from another cruel Goddess!” Tav’s hands clenched into fists, brow furrowed as her eyes focused once again on the flames, “He didn’t deserve to die. I could have-- I mean, we could have done more!”  

“I do not understand,” said Lae’zel, “Why do you show such sympathies for the weak?” 

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” chimes in Karlach, and though Astarion assumed she would start on another lecture about friendship and unity, Tav did not let her finish. 

“I’m afraid I lost my appetite. Good night,” she said, her meal abandoned as she stomped off to her tent.  

Karlach sighed, shaking her head at Lae’zel. The githyanki had not moved, still perplexed by the situation around her. An uneasy quietness quickly descended upon the group, broken only by Wyll bidding them goodnight. A chorus of muttered ‘goodnights’ followed as they began to disperse. 

Considering it an outburst of exhaustion, Astarion left Tav to stew in her tent. He wished he hadn’t, for she was no better the next day. 

It was normal for her to seek their thoughts while exploring. She’d ask Karlach or Lae’zel for tips after combat, banter with Gale and Wyll, show Shadowheart every damn “pretty” flower she found, and insisted on directing as many vampire jokes as she could at Astarion. It didn’t matter how dreadfully unfunny they were, she always laughed.  

Adventuring was quiet now, as she ushered them from place to place, battle to battle, without a break. They found various victims of the curse, most a century old, but some new and with unfortunately familiar faces. It did not matter how long the bodies had been there, Tav grieved each one, tears streaming from her face as she read letters of their last words. While she bawled at their corpses, Astarion brooded, wondering when he had started to miss her laughter.  

She was praying more often as well, sequestering herself alone in whatever corner she could find and frantically whispering. Once, when she ceased her incessant prayer, Tav appeared to be locked in some kind of trance. She did not react to sound or touch, the whole of her eyes overtaken by a ghostly, lavender hue. She stayed that way for two hours.  

Everyone saw the tears that streamed from her eyes when her mind had returned from its journey, but she refused to answer their questions.  

Karlach approached him one night, nearly a tenday after Tav’s original outburst, telling him he needed to figure out what was wrong. He had scoffed at the tiefling; after all, it’s not like he cared about whatever mental issues shared rent with her tadpole. Right? 

“She likes you the most, fangs. If there’s anyone she’s willing to open up to, I'm bettin’ it’s you.” 

He laughed then, loud and boisterous, to hide the rising tide of excitement and anxiety that Karlach’s words had caused.  

“Trying to use me to pry into Tav’s life, are we?” He tsk-ed. Though he smiled, his anxiety had given way to anger. It poked and taunted his deepest fear; that he’s only useful when he can be used. It’s so painfully obvious that’s all he’d ever be, that even sweet Karlach knew it.  

But something besides the tadpole lurked around in his mind; why does he feel bad about tricking Tav? That is his whole plan, is it not? Use the strong sword-wielding lady to safely travel back to Baldur’s Gate, she dices this stupid cult and Cazador into pieces, and then he dumps her, finally free from any master’s grip.  

He banished the intruding thought instantly, bottled it as deep as it could go, for the looming answer to his question threatened to make him sick. He is undead, a creature of the night, an external parasite that feeds on Tav at night until he can find someone, something, better. His skin is cold as ice and his heart no longer beats. He has no heart to give; or so he tells himself. 

“You know that’s not the case,” Karlach had chastised, seemingly offended he could suggest such a thing, “We’re all worried. You can pretend all you want, but I know you are too. You can help her, Astarion.” 

Now that was a curious sentiment. ‘Help’ is numerous in its contexts; Cazador certainly considered himself helpful, merciful even, as he watched his new spawn vomit blood and dirt after clawing out of their tombs. The word implies a give and take, and the world is far more eager to collect than it is to provide.  

To put it plainly, he had nothing to offer their melancholic leader; he is nothing and has been for a long time. Still, Karlach had come to him, apparently unaware of his obvious lack. Perhaps he should hear her out. Perhaps she saw something in him.  

“And just how should I ‘help’?” Astarion asked, condescendingly drawling the question out, rolling his eyes for good measure.  

He saw how the edge of Karlach’s lips twitched, how her eyes narrowed, the way her mechanical heart roared to life with a bright spark before settling back into quiet embers. In poetic irony, it seems that he burned her.  

“Hells below, Astarion,” she nearly yelled, exasperated, tired, and practically begging him to cooperate. He doesn’t blame her for the outburst. Without the annoyingly bubbly attitude of Tav, the tension between party members had been amplified and pulled taut. They all may very well snap soon.  

“I’ll see what I can do,” he dismissed her then, attention focused back on the tome he had in his hands. But his mind did not process the words on the page. He reread the same line damn near ten times before he gave up and went to bed instead. 

His rest was anything but; it was fitful and full of sorrow.  

It was times like then when he wished he could slumber like every other living creature. When his victims and fellow spawn would speak of nightmares, they told tales of distorted visions and intense fear. His waking hours were already plagued with such issues, he could easily handle the nightmares. But no, instead he was cursed to revel in his own pain during his meditative rest, reliving and experiencing his own terrifying truths on repeat.  

That night, he tried searching for something he could do for Tav. Something that the others could not; something to prove his value to her. He did find it. It didn’t take him long at all.  

All he had to offer his little troublesome Tav was his body.  

And it broke him.  

He spent that night with the realization that this is who he is and always will be. A body to be used and used and used and used and used and used and used and u s e d....... 

Thankfully, Tav had asked him to stay at camp that morning. Even though he teased her with his usual, “Darling, I thought we had something special,” she could barely manage a smile, and muttered her thanks before flittering about camp in preparation.  

It was probably for the best, knowing how useless he would have been with that morose epiphany swimming in his mind. Though awake, the uneasy feeling from the night did not dissipate. His emotions were all over the place, that much he was sure of, but they had always been identifiable. Agony, desperation, emptiness.  

Now new and uncertain feelings – gods how he detested the word – seized his chest. Images of Tav pestered him the entire day; the bags under her eyes, the unkempt hair, the dying light of her spirit. Karlach was right, he was worried.  

Still, he could not find the source of his worry. He’d spent the last 200 years surrounded by shambling corpses and their victims alike. They slept like dogs, were beaten like beasts, so really, who was he to judge for a bad hair day?  

Astarion saw no use driving himself mad about it, after all, he had always warned her that her heroism couldn’t last forever. He spent that day doing what he does best when he finds himself without her company, distracting himself with enough shit wine and even shittier books. He didn’t think his tolerance would be shit too. 

Words had soon blurred together, and despite the book’s distinct lack of arcane knowledge, the letters seemed to arrange themselves in puzzles. He slammed the tome shut, opting to sit in the privacy of his tent and will away his growing headache. While his thoughts were no less jumbled, the feelings from before were becoming clearer.  

Worry; The presence of the undead made it impossible for him to feed on anyone other than Tav. Even though she always assured him that she did not mind, he felt like he was using her, and for the first time in a long time, he felt bad about being such a devious bastard. 

Rejection; He’d never tell, but the absence of Tav returning his superficial flirtations left him feeling empty. He tries to tell himself that it isn’t him, it isn’t his fault, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less to not have her affection. 

Fear; He would give his body to her, if it would make her happy. Thousands before her had found pleasure in him, it would be easy for him to allow her the same. He wanted to believe that he’d be selfless, place her needs and comfort above his own; but he knew he could not. He is selfish. Could she want a selfish man? 

It dawned on him then, what this cocktail of vulnerability and yearning was. The cause of his worry, the source of his comfort, the reason he felt like an idiot. He lov- 

The party had arrived back at camp, and he had stumbled to his feet to meet them, for how would it look if their charming vampire companion was found sulking and brooding in his tent. Karlach immediately shed her armor, talking about how stuffy it felt to be metal-clad. Gale carried a sack with the night’s dinner ingredients in hand and grumbled about the pain in his knees as he knelt to light the fire. Lae’zel, despite her stoicism, appeared happy, covered head to toe in the blood of the fallen. 

Tav looked no worse than she had for these last few days, and that ought to count for something. He watched as she removed the outer pieces of her armor, wincing when the harsh edges dug into new and old bruises alike. She picked up a rag and a small mirror, wiping away the blood from the cuts on her face.  

The sight of the crimson spilling from her skin reminded him of his hunger. Their quid pro quo arrangement had been forgotten in her despair, and he was desperate at this point for anything she would give him. Blood, sex, shallow praise, whatever she had to offer.  

Oh, right. 

He had yet to offer himself again, so what reason would she have to keep up her end of the deal? 

He downs the last of the wine in his goblet, swallowing the intoxicating substance just as the reality of his situation swallows his hope. With measured steps, he approached her tent, taking quiet yet deep breaths to ease the misery he felt knowing he’ll never be more than this. He opened his mouth to call her name, but Tav released the ties holding back the rainfly of her tent and shut them all out. 

That should have been it, but his drunken mind reminded him of his promise to Karlach, and his predatorial hunger lurched at the idea of another night unsatiated.  

Once the others were asleep, Astarion snuck into her tent, part and parcel to their routine since she first discovered his true nature. It was easier for him when she was asleep, not that the sharp pinch of his fangs left her totally undisturbed; but to approach while she was awake only guaranteed in his mind that he would end up on his back again.  

Tav was facing away from him, lying on her side, a formerly white linen sheet covered her sleeping form. Nothing was amiss as he had stalked closer, brushing the strands of hair away from her neck, his mouth unbelievably dry. He knelt, the perfume of her blood wafting sweetly from beneath her skin, as he placed his hand on her shoulder to steady himself.  

She awoke then, the force of her sitting so abruptly pushed him back and sent him stumbling. He had, thankfully, caught himself with his hand before falling into the dirt. Still, he was equal parts annoyed at dinner being interrupted and worried that he was caught.  

“Hells, Astarion, you scared the shit out of me,” she whispered. 

“And you almost broke my nose,” he chastised; not a total lie, but an exaggerated one, nonetheless.  

Tav rolled her eyes at him before letting herself fall back against her bedroll again, “Oh, you poor thing, want me to kiss it better?” 

At least she appeared to be feeling better, back to the self that loved teasing him.  

“If you’re offering, who am I to say no to the hand that feeds?”   

Upon realizing that he would not be allowed to dine and dash, Astarion straddled her thighs, ready to bargain for what he needed. He let his hand rest on her hip, soothing circles through the fabric of her nightwear.  

“Yea, s’pose you can’t say you won’t bite,” she said through a drowsy laugh. 

He allowed his hand to wander then, down the inside of her thigh, fingers trailing along the seam of her pants, “As if the lady would protest my bites.” 

With a kiss pressed to her lips, Astarion silenced any innuendo or proposition she may have made. He did not want to hear it, could not stand the idea of her confirming all the horrid things he thought about himself.  

This unspoken deal only served to remind him of how temporary freedom would be. At worst, he would return to Cazador, and the bastard would tell him how lucky he should feel, how there were other mortals dying to be in his position. He wished he could tell him that adding an ‘s’ before ‘pawn’ doesn’t make being a puppet any more lucrative.  

She promised that she would not let that happen. She promised to free him from his master’s chains, but what comes after? He would still be bound to the night, doomed to prowl moonlit streets for an eternity. Killing would still be his status quo, whether mammal or mortal, in order to satiate his hunger.  

Would she stay with such a monster? 

Thoughts he did not want to entertain had barged to the forefront of his mind again, and he knew he needed to move this along. At least with sex, he could force those thoughts away, bottle them back up, and allow his body to numb. At least, this way, he survived another day. At least her body is warm. 

At least—anything he can say to himself to justify another night on his back and to ignore the resentment building in his heart. 

Her lips had parted in a moan, and his tongue quickly lay claim to her mouth, as his hand finally cupped her sex. She gasped, and as his mind had started to drift off into the numb void, he had been pulled back by the feeling of her hand pushing against his chest. 

When he separated himself from her body, Astarion wanted to scream, wanted to shake her; why did she insist on taking the lead? It would be easy with him on top; he wouldn’t have to look at her, to feel her weight on top of him. Must she be so difficult? 

“I don’t want to have sex tonight.” 

What-- 

He looked down at her then, saw the flush in her face, felt how her hands fiddled with the ruffled collar of his shirt but harbored no intention to remove the clothing.  

“I’m not really in the right headspace for that,” she explained, “Plus, I can taste the wine on your lips...” 

“Right, well...” He didn’t know what to say.  

Astarion was frozen above her, unsure of what he was supposed to do. Awkwardness had settled over them both, each one terrified of scaring the other off should they move or speak. Until, the dots connect in her head and she practically launched herself upright, almost smacking herself into him again. 

“You haven’t fed since we got here, have you? Shit, I’m sorry!” She said as she pulled her hair to the side, exposing the column of her neck.  

Any other time, he might have shoved her away, storming out of her tent as his hunger gave way to the embarrassment of it all, his crumbling ego unable to cope. But as she all but dragged his mouth to her skin, urging him to drink, Astarion was thankful that her care outweighed his own pride. 

His fangs pierced her flesh, and she hissed at the pain, but did not complain further.  

He recalled the conversation they had about what their friends would taste like, debating over who would be sweet and who would be savory. Once he had mused that she would be bland, only if to rile her up, but the depth of her lifeblood had truly surprised him.  

She is a winter’s mulled wine, deceptively simple at first yet brimming with spice as she settles on his tongue. Hints of citrus tease his palate, the last taste of summer’s sweetness yielding to the zest of cinnamon and clove. It was gone as soon as it came, leaving its enjoyer to eagerly await the next mouthful.   

As he drank from her, he had felt the echo of a memory in his chest, of his younger days scribbling away next to a hearth, of a man who made his heart flutter and his skin burn with want. The man’s face remains obscured, buried under years of torment, but the feeling is there; the rush of something new and exciting; the naivety of first love. 

With wild hair and soft eyes that regarded him as if he held the entire world, the elf below him had unearthed a humanity he’d long since forgotten. What a wondrous feeling it was; to release all that had been brimming beneath the surface, to give names to the shadows, to feel again.  

Again, her hand pushed against his chest, weaker than before as she mumbles, “O-Okay, I’m starting to get dizzy.” 

His fangs retreated from her skin, and as his lips captured any wayward drops, he realized he did not wish to completely part in that moment. Gently, he laid her down against her bedroll, back on her side. He situated himself behind her, basking in the newfound heat that flowed through his veins, and allowed his breath to even out. Tav was already fast asleep when he turned, wrapping his arm around her and cuddled her to his chest. 

...  

Astarion had made sure to return to his own tent before dawn broke and if Tav had noticed the vampire snuggling her in the night, he was eternally grateful for her silence on it in the morning. He did not want to hear the insufferable taunts and jokes the others would make if the two of them were discovered together. Gale or Wyll, hells, probably even Karlach, would remind him that it’s only natural for two adults to seek out company between their giggles; as if he’s a little boy who's embarrassed about his crush.  

But that is what he is, isn’t he? He’s tucking tail and scurrying away because he’s afraid of others seeing that he is capable of feeling. Brazen displays of emotion, especially ones of love, are signs of a weakness to be exploited. Everything he had ever loved had been taken from him, had been hurt because of him. He could love her, he wants to love her, but it would just be placing a target on her back. Another one of Cazador’s endless lessons.  

She is safer this way.  

For what it’s worth, Tav did appear livelier that morning, bantering with Shadowheart as the cleric healed their bloodless leader, and it earned him a thankful pat on the back from Karlach. 

“Ah, I love the taste of Lesser Restoration in the morning,” Tav hummed happily, arms raised above her head as she stretched the sleep out of her body. 

“I don’t know why you insist on coming to me,” said Shadowheart, “You’re the one who chose to be a walking blood bank, and I know Paladins can cast Lesser Restoration. Why don’t you heal yourself instead of making it my problem?” 

“Because you’re always so charming,” Tav teased, “How do you expect me to resist?” 

“Kicking and screaming, I hope,” deadpanned the cleric. 

“See what I mean? Our own little ray of sunshine!”  

After breakfast, Tav assembled that day’s crew. The idea of a day of physical labor after last night's mental exhaustion made Astarion less than eager to accept her invitation. Still, he had said yes, and donned his armor as he made a quiet vow to himself.

He will always keep her safe in one way or another.  

The day’s mission had involved infiltrating the House of Healing to find something that could be used on this Art Cullagh fellow. Astarion had accepted, by this point, to not concern himself with the details and just assist Tav with whatever heroics she found herself agreeing to. They would happen with or without him.  

The exterior yielded nothing of value, except one half of a pair of warding rings Tav found on the skeleton of another victim. She was somber as she pocketed the ring and read the lover’s note, but composed herself afterwards, and said a small prayer before pushing forward. He had felt some level of pride and admiration, watching as a new strength kindled inside her. There was inflation to his ego as well, a selfish joy in thinking that his mere cuddles could fix her woes. 

He should have known better. Life had never been kind. 

They had entered the House of Healing through an antechamber that reeked of decay and spoiled blood. Infirmary beds were strewn about, and of the few that weren’t outright destroyed or flipped over, they looked less than pleasing without a mattress to cover the rusted springs. Rotting towels, shattered wash basins, and an unknown film covered the floors. Voices echoed from the main chamber ahead, so each step further in was made cautiously. 

They passed through a door to their right and discovered what used to be a woman as she floated before two of the beds, covered in nurses' attire that clearly didn’t know the definition of sterile. She - no, it - paid them no mind as they had approached, gazing down at the implements and bandages before it as if it couldn’t figure out what to do.  

With her hand on the hilt of her sword, Tav spoke first, “Excuse me, ma’am?” 

“Don’t call the doctor yet!” came the soft plea of the creature, “I’ve got potions, sutures - I know I can do this...” It turned to address their fellow nurse, yet startled when it saw the Paladin, “Oh! You’re a patient. This is the children’s ward – triage is back that way.” 

“I have something else I’d like to ask you,” Tav started, but her words faded off as she looked beyond the nurse in front of her.  

Two bodies laid still on the beds, clearly dead, though it was hard to tell if it was from the Shadow Curse or the nurse’s ‘treatment’. 

In an instant, Tav drew her sword, resting the blade in a tail stance, voice low with anger as she asked, “What are you doing with the dead?” 

The nurse regarded her with confusion as she replied, “Not dead, merely medicated. To ease the pain.”  

Tav raised her sword, now bracing her weight in a plow stance, the tip of her blade dangerously close to the nurse’s abdomen, as she snarled, “I asked you a question, creature! What are you doing with the dead?” 

Astarion had watched Tav face countless foes since their adventure together began. Even with the most wicked, she had never been so blatantly offensive. In hindsight, he realized that all those foes had been alive; fought them she must, but always done so reluctantly, and always ready to spare a life when able. There, in the House of Healing, did he first witness her true devotion as a Doomguide.  

Of course, she had told the group of her deity; was overbearingly eager to share it, in fact. Kelemvor; Judge of the Damned; whose symbol featured a skeletal hand raising balanced scales. Tav wears it on her chest – darkened purple stitched into a solid black surcoat that she dons no matter the armor underneath. She told them the stories of her years as a lone wanderer, proselytizing Kelemvor’s wisdom, performing last rites for the dying, and destroying necromancers.  

She was a protector of the living, and a slayer of the undead. 

The creature did not answer her question, insisting that the patients were sleeping and to be quiet lest they wake. The last words the creature heard were Tav’s whispered, “In Kelemvor’s name,” before the blade was plunged clean through its body. It collapsed to the floor, trying to speak, but the blood pooling in its throat only allowed for senseless gurgling.  

Tav placed her foot on the corpse and pushed it into the heap of flesh as she withdrew her blade. Thick, blackened blood congealed on the metal, and Tav held it in a white-knuckled grip as she stepped over the body and towards the beds. 

She took one glance and immediately turned around, tripping on the creature's body as she rushed out of the vestibule, landing on her hands and knees, as her sword skidded across the floor. She did not rise, instead sinking to her elbows as her hands pulled at her hair to the point that Astarion thought she might rip it out.   

Karlach rushed to her side, trying to ease the Paladin up as hushed sobs echoed off the walls.  

“Hey now, soldier,” said the tiefling, taking hold of Tav’s biceps and urging her to sit up, “Don’t go getting soft on me.” 

Shadowheart bypassed the two and peered into the beds before gasping, “It’s Arabella’s parents.” 

Another choked cry broke out from Tav as she finally sat back on her haunches, rubbing away her tears with a grubby hand, “I fucking hate this place.” 

“We all do,” assured Karlach, “But we gotta keep moving forward; don’t want to have worms forever, do we?” 

“No,” came Tav’s hushed response before she stood to her feet. She picked up her sword from the floor, flicking some of the blood off, “Let’s just get this over with.” 

Malleus Thorm was an abhorrent sight. Deciding to take the lead after Tav’s second outburst, Karlach interrogated the cursed doctor about his peculiar treatment plan. He spoke of Shar, of darkness, of absence. The victim strapped to the table was catatonic from the aimless carving of the nurses’ blades, though he was soon comatose after the doctor’s mechanical claws dug into his eyes. 

Tav was antsy behind her, shifting on her feet, practically chomping at the bit to send the undead man back into oblivion. The battle was difficult, but well won. Tav’s anger and adrenaline combined with Divine Smite proved a lethal combo.  

Shadowheart pulled a lute from the corpse of Malleus and held it out to Tav, “I think you might want this.”  

Tav took the lute, strapped it to her back and made way for the exit. Despite the exhaustion they all felt and the rush of emotions Tav must have experienced, she stayed silent. No cries, no curses, not one tear to be found. Astarion felt that agonizing mix of worry and sorrow creep around him. 

He increased his pace until he was able to fall in line with her, their other party members straggling not far behind.  

“Are you alright, darling?” He asked quietly, still not quite ready for his care to be announced to the world. 

She only nodded. 

...  

If he thought their adventures had been quiet before, they were dead silent now. Every fight with another Thorm family member pushed Tav further into despair. Any attempts by their companions to make her smile or laugh were futile. She walked and fought like a zombie, resulting in her near-death numerous times. Lectures about how she needed to mind herself went in one pointed ear and out the other, apparently.

Her silence was only broken by the fits of sobbing that occurred from her tent each night. If she managed to fall into her meditative state, it would end with her lurching forward, gasping for air as she scrambled off into the corner of camp to empty the contents of her stomach. 

Karlach had to take over as temporary leader, and if she had her way, Tav would’ve stayed behind. Yet, when the Paladin appeared every morning with her armor and sword ready, the tiefling couldn’t find the strength to not let her tag along.  

Astarion also insisted that he be allowed on each mission, even if his skills weren’t useful for their goal. For whatever reason, Tav listened to him more than the others, and would only accept his help when she found herself injured. He had to be there for her, even if watching her suffer wore away at his own sanity. He often found himself looking at the warding ring she had silently given him after their fight with Malleus, and wondered if he would ever hear her laugh again.  

Bones, blood, and viscera decorated the entrance hall. The gore was mundane to him, no more unique than a cobblestone street or tavern lights in the dark. The dank and forebodingness of the crypt did not stop him from admiring its beauty. The ruins must have been a marvelous sight in their heyday, brimming with the Lady of Loss’s worshippers as they sought to drown out their sorrow and begged for her guidance amongst the crystalline decor. 

Their group split to investigate the various rooms that surrounded the concourse, with him following behind Tav as she investigated the nook to the right. Through the towering archway, he saw that it was no more than a chamber, perhaps used as foyer for those who came to grieve the Thorm family. More bones were littered across its floor and piled in its corners. He saw nothing novel, yet Tav stopped stock still.  

“Myrkul...”, she had hissed with disgust, hands clenched into fists that shook in splintering rage. 

Peeking over her shoulder, he saw the triangle of femurs that had been constructed in front of the dilapidated desk, a skull perched neatly in the middle. He joined her at her side, casual when he had faced her and asked carelessly, “Who?” 

Truthfully, the name and symbol were of no interest to him; a forgotten name from a bygone era, and most importantly, a deity that had ignored his prayers. She looked up to him then, and the dusty air must have been getting to him, because he swore her gaze softened when their eyes met. 

“Myrkul Bey al-Kursi, a necromancer and prince who ascended to godhood when Jergal willingly parted with his title,” Gale interrupted just as Tav was about to speak. 

Astarion rolled his eyes at the wizard and resisted the urge to pettily stomp his foot against the floor. His look was not enough to kill, but it did have Gale surrendering, hands up in a wordless apology as he had backed away from the two. 

“Correct,” Tav said, breaking the tension she didn’t know had occurred, “He was usurped by Cyric, but the Prince of Lies was defeated by Kelemvor.” 

Astarion was desperate to keep her talking. He’d listen to an entire history lecture if it meant she’d come back to sound mind. Back to him. “What use would a servant of Myrkul have with some Sharran shrine?” 

“It doesn’t matter what ‘use’ they have for it,” admonished Shadowheart, “Lady Shar has decreed that Ketheric must die for his betrayal, and ridding her temple of other disgraces in the process is as much a bonus as it is an honor.” 

Listening to the cleric’s devotion was uninteresting at best, and torturous at worst. He almost pitied the poor girl, blindly following a goddess out of fear of what her memories might hold. 

Astarion had expected Tav to mirror Shadowheart’s enthusiasm, but instead saw her bristle, hands wringing together nervously. She was unrecognizable to him, the proud warrior now hunched in on herself as she gnawed at her bottom lip. Anxiety was radiating off her in waves; she looked like she might vomit. 

His body had moved before he had realized what he was doing, hand reaching for her shoulder to comfort her. When his cool skin had made contact with her chainmail, she recoiled, eyes wide and breath unsteady. Hurt by her reaction, he let his hand fall limply to his side, and gruffly announced that the party should keep moving. 

His patience wore thin as they descended into the abyss below the mausoleum. Gale and Shadowheart both wouldn’t shut up about the various magical auras they were picking up on. Sensing Shar’s presence in the Temple of Shar? Who could have guessed the dark goddess would have been there? Bloody amateurs. 

Tav nearly fell in battle again against the Dark Justiciars that were forever cursed to protect the temple. She was unfocused and reckless, and the shadows had swarmed her after making quick work of the necromancer’s lackeys. To make matters worse, there was still no sign of the devil Raphael had tasked them with killing. There were hundreds of rats, though, and the sight of them left a bad taste in his mouth. 

With some convincing from both he and Gale, Tav finally acquiesced and agreed to return to camp for the evening. Night had developed a new, uncomfortably familar cycle by then, with Tav disappearing to her tent before anyone could say anything to her. She would eat her dinner alone. He would pretend he didn’t hear her crying throughout the night. 

They found Balthazar the next day, and it was the first time he ever saw pure hatred burning behind her eyes. They barely survived, the undead necromancer’s poison draining their strength while his ghouls beat them with decayed teeth and talons. When the bastard finally fell, Tav stood over his corpse, whispered a prayer, and then carved her blade through the fat of his neck. She stabbed her sword repeatedly into his chest, moving down his torso until he was no longer recognizable; just a pile of oozing sinew and flesh. His hulking, sewn-together abomination was the next target of her wrath, and it too was reduced to a pool of guts and blood. 

It was not enough. 

She destroyed the furniture, set the bookshelves ablaze, tore down everything the necromancer kept in his makeshift laboratory. The rest of the party removed themselves from the room, watching silently from the threshold as their near-death leader found the strength to take all of Balthazar’s worldly possessions with her. 

It would have been sexy as hell if it weren’t so concerning. 

She eventually collapsed, falling to her knees, sword clattering to the ground with a metallic clang echoing around the room. Silence followed; stares were exchanged between Astarion and his fellow compatriots, each one wordlessly asking the other what the hell had just happened. 

Tired of walking on eggshells, of not doing something, Astarion walked over to Tav and kneeled in front of her. She didn’t notice him at first, eyes shut tight and chest heaving with labored breaths. He reached out again, placing his hand on her knee. 

She was startled, but didn’t move away like before. Instead, her bloodied hand covered his own, fingers tracing over his knuckles, inadvertently smearing the crimson against his pale skin. When he suggested they retire to camp early, she finally, finally, met his gaze. Glimmering violet swirled in her irises, no doubt the remnants of whatever magic she called on Kelemvor for. It faded away, leaving him with the woman of his adoration, looking broken and lost. 

Clinging to his armor, she staggered to her feet, yet nearly toppled again when she went to pick up her sword. It was instinct really, for him to grab her waist and to keep her upright. He certainly had held her hips in more lascivious situations, but somehow he felt more naked that time. 

Vulnerable. 

He doesn’t think he can keep this a secret any longer. 

… 

This last tenday has been punishing, and Astarion carries its weight with him as he searches the encampment for his wayward paramour. 

He finds her on the staggered rock where they helped Halsin rescue Thaniel, staring out into the darkness. Her posture is relaxed as she leans back on her arms, legs dangling off the edge where the water beats on the stone below. 

The silt crunches softly beneath his boots, and he knows she has heard him approach when her ear twitches. He settles himself beside her, brushing off any stray granules from his armor with a huff of disgust. She giggles. 

It must look comical, how quickly his head snaps up at the sound, searching her face for signs of madness. After how despondent she’s been, he expects to find a vessel, a hollow being with the residue of what was a soul, begging to be let go. 

Instead, he finds her kind smile, as she now swipes away the remaining dirt from his calf, “Not a fan of sand, I take it?” 

For all his prose, there is no poetry, no song, no prayer that could mimic the joy he feels when she teases him. He’s been drowning, his mood anchored to hers, and now she has yanked him from the abyss once again. Is this the feeling all those bards crooned about? That every two-bit novelist dreamed of capturing? 

He had long given up on such fantasies, convinced himself that the very notion of love made him sick. 

Love. 

There’s no use pretending anymore. It is love that he feels for Tav. It’s why he mopes at the end of the night if she dares to speak to him last; perhaps the tad murderous feeling he gets when he sees her acting too chummy with the wizard. It’s the comfort of knowing someone has his back, the safety of her sword shielding him from attack, the promises of freedom sleepily whispered between lips in the night. She is the first breath taken when he surfaces. The sun pales in comparison to the warmth in her touch, though she is just as apt to kiss his cheeks. 

She is back and gods, how he missed her. 

Gods, how he loves her. 

“No, I don’t,” he responds in his bantering tone, “It’s rough... irritating... and it gets bloody everywhere.” 

She hums in agreement, gaze falling to the ground before returning to the river. Silence befalls them again, and he finds himself clamoring for words. He wants to confess his love, sing her praises, ask her what the hell is wrong with her. Anything to fill the silence, he refuses to live in the saturnine hellscape that has been the last week any longer. 

“Astarion,” she beats him to it, “I want to apologize for my behavior these last few days. I put everyone at risk and going forward I’ll be sure to keep everything in check. Can’t have everyone dying because of incompetency.” 

A bit too diplomatic for his liking, and her laughter is much too forced. He’ll need to teach her some proper acting; it’s a miracle she’s survived as long as she has with that disaster of a performance. Aren’t paladins supposed to be charismatic, or is it the weapon that does most of the talking? 

“Oh, you were in a bad mood? I hardly noticed,” he states with all the indifference he can muster. 

She leans into him to playfully jab her elbow into his side, muttering expletives in an elven dialect he hasn’t heard in ages. 

“Seriously, I’m sorry if I made you worry.” 

“I’m just glad you’re safe,” he rushes out, hand idly scratching the back of his neck. 

The tension returns, though not as overbearing as before, as questions remain unasked and feelings unshared. It’s a bitter push, as neither is used to talking about their depths, and he doesn’t want to pry; yet a sweet pull, as he remains at her side, wishing for the awkwardness to dissipate. 

“It’s just...” She begins, and though she faces forward, he catches her sneaking looks at him in her peripheral, “There’s so much going on, I don’t know where to start.” 

If he had any blood in his body, he’s sure it’d be racing, his heart thumping wildly in tandem. He thinks she’s ready to talk, and that is half the issue. He thinks, but he doesn’t know; it terrifies and thrills him all the same. He wants to know her – aches for it, if he’s being honest. 

But he is terrified, so sure that he’s going to fuck up and ruin the one good thing he’s had in two hundred years. If she rejects him now, shuts him out for good, he’s not sure he can take it. 

This was supposed to be easy; she was supposed to be easy. 

“It doesn’t matter where you start, I’ll be here for the end.” Shit, shit, SHIT. 

“Astarion,” she gasps, hand over her heart, his name melting into a laugh, “That was actually smooth.” 

He tsks, “I take offense to that. I’ve always been smooth, you’re just too brutish to notice.” 

She laughs again, shaking her head as an enamored smile graces her lips. Her hand brushes stray locks of hair behind her pointed ear and even in the dim glow of the inn’s spell, he can see a blush staining her cheeks. 

But then, she sighs, slow and tired as her fingers soothe circles into her temples, “Can you keep a secret for me?” 

It’s what he’s been pining for, offered on a silver platter, and how could he not say yes. 

He raises his hand to his chest, drawing an ‘x’ over his armor, “Cross my heart and hope to—uh, well, you know.” 

Another chuckle escapes her lips as she adjusts her position, angling herself towards him. 

She swallows thickly before continuing, “Well, I uh—I talked to Kelemvor.” 

“Is that not par for the course for you Doomguides?” He asks incredulously, eyebrow raised and head tilting as he chuckles. 

This time, she does not grant him a smile or a laugh, focused on picking at her cuticles and the dirt under her nails. 

“I haven’t spoken to him since the nautiloid, I figured the tadpole was interfering,” she says hushed, shame and guilt on the edges of her voice. “I was preparing myself for the worst, but what I got was an impossibility.” 

What kind of cryptic bullsh-- She’s been hanging around Withers too much. 

Hundreds of possibilities race through his mind. What he knows of Kelemvor is only from what she has shared; while he did not seem to be a vengeful god, they already have one person burdened with a suicide mission. He could live without the blabbersome wizard, but her? 

He should have known the universe would only offer him misery, to dangle a sweet treat before him and rip it all away before he had the chance to savor it. 

“Did he ask you to sacrifice yourself?” He wants to hear it from her, needs to hear her say those dreaded words so he can make peace before she is nothing more than bones and fading memories. 

Her eyes find his, inflamed with tears she no longer has the strength to shed, “I wish he did.” 

The pain, the anger, the grief of the last few days resurfaces in her voice, that flare of purple sparking in her irises. Astarion does not often find himself shocked, but the callous and tempestuous storm raging beneath her skin leaves him speechless. Instincts tell him he is witnessing only a fraction of her fury. 

Then it ebbs, retreating like the tide, as she takes a deep breath to steady herself. 

“I’ve been having doubts, about my purpose, about this path I chose. I expected Kelemvor to berate me for lacking faith.” 

Her hands go back to tearing at her cuticles. 

“He by no means praised me, but he wasn’t furious, either. He didn’t seem like himself... He didn’t even look like himself. It was as if his passion was gone. I asked him what I should do, and he told me that only I can determine my future.” 

“So? What’s wrong with that?” He was genuinely confused by her demeanor. Self-determination, autonomy, freedom; all the things she promised to help him find and keep, yet she fears them for herself. 

“Kelemvor has been a part of my life since I was a teenager, I’ve devoted myself to him for the better part of two centuries. I don’t-- I don’t know who I am without him.” 

A kindred spirit. 

She clenches her jaw, letting out a frustrated huff, “What am I supposed to do? I can’t stay a Doomguide to a god who abandoned his own principles!” 

He knows she is bleeding from her nail beds, the lovely scent of spiced wine in the air.  

“I took an oath of devotion, to be honorable, compassionate, and honest. I do not fear death of myself nor my loved ones, for death is not something to be afraid of. It is not something one must seek, but it is what one should embrace should it find you,” She explains, “For the last two hundred and fifty-six years, Kelemvor would remind me of these tenets, and commend me for every valiant foe I slaughtered in their image.” 

As sweet as the fragrance is, he takes her hands in his; they have seen and caused enough damage for the time being. 

“And Kelemvor just... doesn’t care anymore. Every time we saw some poor undead creature cursed by Shar, I was reminded of how he dismissed me, like I was a fool for ever following him in the first place. I was his valiant hero, one his most beloved Paladins, and now what? I’m nothing.” 

“You are not nothing,” he replies in an instant, “You are everything. You don't need Kelemvor to be honorable or compassionate, because you already are those things. He was lucky to have someone as devoted as you, but if he wants to toss you aside, then good riddance; it’s his loss, and everyone else’s gain.” 

Crimson floods her cheeks again, as she stares at him dumbfounded. He fidgets in the momentary silence, the feeling of actually sharing one's feeling still mildly uncomfortable. But then it dissipates, because she smiles at him and brings their clasped hands to rest over her heart. Its beat is comforting. 

“Thanks, Astarion. I don’t know what I would have done without you these last few weeks.”  

“Someone had to keep you alive. I know I said you would make a pretty corpse, but that doesn’t mean I’m eager to see it, darling.” 

“I’m sure Shadowheart would let you have a nibble if I passed,” she says with a laugh. 

“Perhaps, but I don’t think she could compare.” 

The steady rhythm of her heart increases under his hands. She adjusts herself again, scooting closer to him so that she can lean her head against his shoulder. Her eyes close as she relaxes into him, and he feels so relieved at knowing her touch could be so intimate yet still so gentle. 

“There’s just one thing I don’t understand, Tav,” He says, his thumb softly tracing along her knuckles, “Why were you having doubts in the first place?” 

“Oh! Um...” She says, head lifting from his shoulder, “It’s so embarrassing, don’t worry about it.” 

“Don’t you dare hold out on me now,” He pleads as he slings his arm across her back, hand resting on her hip and pulling her in close so he can whisper, “Especially when it comes to gossip!”  

Sagging against his side, she groans out, “You are the wooooorst.” 

He raises his hand to his face, making a dramatic show of clearing his throat before uttering a very sickly sweet, “Please?” 

“Okay, fine,” she huffs before grumbling out something unintelligible. 

“What was that dear? No one likes a mumbler.” 

“Because of you! Because... I like you,” She says, carding her hand through her hair; her walls tumbling and every emotion she’s shouldered alone spilling forth in a maddened haze. 

“I’ve seen hundreds of undead, most of whom I gladly sent back to their graves. They were merely the husks of the people they once were. Any soul left in them was but a dying echo as they pleaded for their suffering to end. I thought I was helping,” she says, voice shaking, “But what if I ended the life of someone who just wanted-- no needed-- a second chance? Was I an arbiter of divine justice, or just some glorified executioner? I started to question everything when we met.” 

His mind is a whirlwind, thoughts simultaneously speeding yet slow. The half of him that yearns to be known, to be loved, is battling against his ever-present fear that he is not worthy of such. It’s a terrifying concoction, one that has him questioning just how accurate Tav’s description of the undead is. He has no idea who Astarion is; he knows who the elven magistrate once was, but who is Astarion the spawn, besides Cazador’s infernal expectations? 

“By no means am I saying that you haven’t suffered, but you are not some hollow corpse, Astarion. Despite everything that’s happened, and everything that has yet to come, you have grown in unprecedented ways. You’ve broken a mold, defied all odds. You’re simply breathtaking...” 

He is, isn’t he? No one has given him enough credit; no one has truly recognized the pure shit he has survived through. No one has offered him the chance or the choice to be better. He’s tired of the untrusting sideways glances, the disgusting feeling of some stranger’s eye roaming his figure. He’s always been expected to fall in line, and today he makes the promise to finally live for himself. 

“When this is all over, I want to stay by your side, if you’ll have me.” 

She looks at him with reverence, like he can pluck the stars from the night sky. He has seen this look before, when she would talk about Kelemvor, and he swears his undead heart nearly beats under her adoring gaze. He has no army to command, cannot turn into mist nor bat; he is practically powerless, and yet she wants him anyway. She believes in him, even though he can’t trust himself. Where he sees nothing, she has found something worth abandoning her god for.  

“I don’t think I’ve heard you this quiet before... are you alright?” 

He cannot find the words necessary to explain his delight. Even if he did, he doubts he’d still even be able to form them, arrange them into proper sentences. The truth has rendered him speechless.  

It doesn’t erase the fact that she sounds hurt, scared even, at the prospect that his silence means rejection. He recognizes the feeling all too well, and if she can overcome its pain to tell him the truth, then dammit, he can do the same. Perhaps he will forever roam darkened streets, but that doesn’t mean all of him must remain in the shadows. He must be honest, expose his own secrets to the proverbial light, and allow her the same choice. 

“Oh yes, I’m fine. I just... feel awful.” 

He hopes she chooses him all the same. 

“Look, I had a plan. A nice, simple plan-” 

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

your knight to the rescue

pairing: dick grayson x gn!reader

WC: 1.8K

warnings: cursing, creepy older man, sexual tension? i think thats it.

summary: being a plus one has its perks and downsides.

A/N: i wrote this for @alecmores​ my editor and friend since they did a fic for my birthday this year. a little reward for having to read all my stories and listen to me talk nonsense in chat.

also tried to make this as gender neutral as possible. so if theres something that comes off as fem presenting just let me know and ill fix it!

also used two prompts from @urfriendlywriter​ , forced proximity numbers 3 and 4 

in the drafts since may13

masterlist / dick grayson

“please, y/n! you’ll be doing me a solid!”

“if you get on your knees and start begging i might consider throwing myself to the wolves.”

you were just joking, you would’ve done anything dick asked of you. but he got on his knees with his hands clasped in front of his face and put on his best puppy dog eyes. oh! he really didn’t want to go.

“y/n l/n, will you do your best friend in the whole world a huge favor and be my plus one to this wayne gala event?” he even shuffled closer and leaned his head against your thighs as you leaned against the cave computer.

without a thought you set a hand on the crown of his raven hair and run your fingers through the strands. “can we get a big belly burger after?” you know the gala will only have alcohol and finger food.

dick moved his head as his chin sat on the meat of your thighs so he could look directly into your eyes. “of course, y/n. what kind of friend would i be if i let you starve yourself on my time?”

“a terrible friend.”

“and i am anything but a terrible friend.” he groaned as he pushed himself from the floor and walked to the suit displays.

“sure you should be going out? i heard you groan from just getting off the floor, you might be getting old.” you followed behind with your arms crossed over your chest.

dick just threw a middle finger over his shoulder, not wasting his time to look your way. “fuck you. i’m in my twenties, this is my prime.”

“yeah, okay, boy wonder.”

dick grabbed his black and blue outfit before heading to a changing area. you lingered around and the silence slowly got to your head. your fingers bit into your biceps and looked down at your slippers.

“just… just be careful, dick.” you scrunch your face at your simple wording, “cause- cause i’m sure alfred is tired of patching you up. and- and you don’t want to look a mess at the gala… could cause some rumors or something.” rambling just so it doesn’t seem like you care too deeply for dick’s safety. honestly just saying, “i like you dick grayson, so don’t be an idiot as you’re backflipping off buildings.” would be a lot easier than what just came out your mouth.

dick stepped back into the cold cave and stood in front of you. his black eye mask was in place along with his gear all secured in their compartments. you couldn’t see his baby blues due to the white holes staring back at you, but he had a smirk on his lips that made you scuff without knowing his next words.

“worried about my safety?” he copied your arms-crossed stance. his head cocked to the side. you narrowed your eyes, “no shit, dumbass. you're fighting criminals, street level and insane.”

you rolled your lips, “i know it’s unavoidable at times, just…” you sighed, “just don’t get in the line of fire if you can.” you touched his arm before walking away and back up the spiral stairs.

in your rush to leave you missed how dick’s arms fell and his smirk vanished in a blink. hidden eyes watching your every step until you were gone from his sight.

-

“i want big belly burger.”

“all in due time, y/n.”

your hands tugged at the nice, but tight fabric of your black formal attire. you even shuffled on your feet, already feeling the blisters forming. you were used to loose and flowy clothing with sneakers or slippers since you worked behind the scenes.

with you knowing there would be cameras in attendance, you took extra long to make sure you were presentable and cleaned well. especially since you would be standing beside dick for most of the event, you didn’t want to look like sewer trash next to a sculpted statue.

“stop fidgeting,” dick leaned close to your ear, “you look marvelous.” his breath caressed your ear and you had to suppress the shiver it caused.

leaving the outfit alone, your hands clasped over your stomach. a more appropriate gesture than arms crossed as you stare down the boring one percenters. you could spot bruce somewhere in the distance chatting along with some people, and you could spot his fake laughing from a mile away. letting your eyes scan the room you land on detective gordon, who’s tucked away in a corner with his hands shoved in his khaki trench coat.

“looks like gordon didn’t get the dress code memo.” giving dick a hit from your elbow as you knocked your chin in the cop’s direction.

“wants a little attention. nothing wrong with that.” and something about that last part… “i’m- i’m gonna get a drink. i’ll- i’ll be right back.” and you hurried off before dick could stop you.

politely moving through the sea of people, you landed at the open bar. palms wrapping around the cool granite counter, you leaned forward and waved down a bartender. he was very handsome, but he wasn’t-

“just champagne, please. thank you.”

the flute of bubbling amber liquid sat in front of you and the bartender left to help others. you fiddled with the stem and bottom, giving the liquid a little swirling making the bubbles fizzle. you held the glass in hand as you turned your back to the counter and faced the chatting party. you needed a breather from grayson.

from the corner of your eye, you saw an older gentleman saddle up to the bar top, right next to you. to close for comfort. you could feel the air shift as he moved his arm, suit jacket popping your bubble. you stiffened, not feeling brave enough to make it obvious that he was the cause of discomfort. now you wished dick would come to your rescue and lead you away, on the other side of the room would be nice.

“may i just say,” his hand touched you, “you are a visionary.” fingers moving caused goosebumps. you had to swallow the acid rising.

“you're too kind.” fake smiled as you raised your glass. where is dick?

“are you here alone? how do you know bruce wayne?” the man questioned. moving closer, his chest almost bumping yours.

you licked your lips, “i’m a- a worker for bruce wayne… secretary. or personal assistant to mister wayne.” not too much of a fib. “and i’m here with someone. i should,” you pointed a finger at the crowd, “i should go look for him.”

the man’s grimy fingers trapped your wrist after just a step and tugged you into his body. his breathing grating against your ear and neck, “what’s the rush? i’m sure your friend can wait.”

“really, i should-“ he slipped an arm over your waist and you shut down. it’s like you were hit with mr. freeze’s ice gun.

your heart started hammering and your eyes were darting around for any sight of him. your chest was heaving, your panic growing the longer his touch and breath were on your body.

“how about we-“ “there you are, baby. i was starting to get worried.”

it’s like an angel was sent to save you from death. the chandelier lighting cast dick in a halo of blinding light. his tall stature and wide shoulders held with grace and strength. his dark black hair swept in a clean style as his piercing irises stared the man down. you heard the gasp and took a shallow breath when you felt him move away.

dick held a hand out and you grasped it like a lifeline as he tucked you into his side. arm protective on your waist and fingers splayed, it was the warmth you need after freezing to death. your arm circled his waist to pull him even closer, head falling to his chest. he even positioned himself to where you were less in the older man’s eye line, his wider frame acting as a shield.

“who’s your new friend?” dick asked. it came off playful, but you heard the undertone. he was ready to hang him upside down by his shoestrings.

“i’m not sure. haven’t been given a name.” and you haven’t. but you already have his face memorized.

the creep opened and closed his mouth. a fish gasping for water as sharks played with their dinner. you tried to give the air of innocence to compliment dick’s bomb that was slowly ticking with each second.

he stuck his hand out for a friendly shake, “dick grayson. nice to meet you…” he trailed off. waiting for the answer before he searched him up on the computer back home.

the man took his outstretched hand, “mr. cooper. pleasure to meet you.” and you saw the flash of pain over his face. dick’s grip looked like it could crush a skull.

“mr. cooper, well i hope you have an excellent evening. if you don’t mind, i’d like to steal my dance partner back.” without waiting, he walked the both of you away. you left your champagne behind without a thought.

near the edge of the dance floor on the other side was where dick planted the both of you. he held your right hand in his while his left hand settled at the small of your back. you let your left-hand rest on his strong shoulder. it wasn’t much dancing, just bodies swaying.

“thank you… for back there-“ “no need to thank me. i would do it again in a heartbeat.”

his eyes twinkled. your heartbeat stuttered.

the orchestra continued their melodic strumming and you let yourself get swept away. eyes closing, you leaned your head on dick’s dress shirt. right near his heart. the smell of citrus and pine invaded your senses and you almost got dizzy. the hand on your back pressed in harder and then rubbed along your spine.

you almost snapped your eyes open at the feeling of dick’s lips being pressed to your temple. and it wasn’t just a simple peck, it lingered. your body felt hot and you would bet ten bucks your ears were burning red. his lips moved and then he nudged his nose against your hairline as he sighed. 

“i still want a big belly burger.”

your hunger broke the romantic moment.

feeling dick’s laugh through his chest and hearing the boyish noise lit you up. pressing your chin into his shirt, you made eye contact and both flashed smiles.

“wanna ditch?” “you make it sound like high school.” hands tightening. he grinned, “you're right. i think it’s time to leave.”

and dick grayson, being your knight in shining armor, led the both of you out of the stuffy venue. and he took the waiting chariot to the closet's big belly so you could stuff your face with food you’ve been waiting to scarf down. 

and as you moaned with ketchup at the corner of your mouth and chugged soda, dick grayson thought you were the best thing to ever happen to him. and he would do anything to keep you safe and smiling.

...

[lets-go-hurt-someone]

I do enjoy a lot of deranged Durge nonsense but honestly the most depraved fantasy I have for Durge and Astarion is just how much I think they cuddle.

The way I see it, they probably just get cosy and make out all night for like… most of the game. Sure they probably also legit lick blood off each other at some point and at least one of them is literally turned on by murder but these are two people who have not had full control of themselves or their bodies in a very, very long time. Durge still doesn’t and won’t until the story is almost over. And when they’re not stabbing and shit-stirring and whatnot-ing, I firmly believe they are having the most sickening, tooth-achingly sweet moments full of the most respectful of caresses and probably keeping it above the belt. Maybe some butt squeezes. But you know. PG-13 shit.

So I don’t really care about or think about Durgestarion fucking nasty and being wild and filthy. One day when they’re ready I’m sure they’ll have insane degenerate sex again (you can’t tell me they’re not both freaks at heart) and I love that for them but like. I don’t see it during the game timeline and it’s not as interesting character-wise to me. I genuinely think they’re both mostly focused on figuring out how to get comfortable being present in their bodies and learning how to trust themselves and each other and how to experience pleasure for their own sakes… for maybe the first time ever.

I’m more interested in Durge not really knowing what to do at all and maybe finding out Astarion has really sensitive ears and nibbling on his earlobe just to hear him make a happy little noise — surprised at how much he likes making someone moan in pleasure instead of pain for once.

Or Astarion figuring out just the right spot to kiss on Durge’s neck so he gasps in delight, and how he likes that even better than just feeding on him straight away.

Both of them, on the receiving end of something sensual and gentle and lovely for once and getting to enjoy it without being punished for it or pushed for more. Getting to experience the simple safety of just holding and being held and knowing you’re treasured for you and no one is going to make you do anything you don’t want to ever again, and your partner is happy to help you figure out what you do want when you’re ready.

And that’s it. That’s my kink. It’s actually just fucked up people accepting each other completely and showing each other the soft kindness they never got from anyone else and accidentally healing along the way.

Then they can go on being happy little freaks forever, amen.

[blkgirl-writing]

Conversations with the Moon

Gale Dekarios x Fem!Reader

Summary: Gale finds himself at the lake with a drink in his hand again, talking with the moon.

Authors note: This one is actually really good and easily my favorite i've made for bg3 Inspired by the absolutely amazing song, conversations with the moon by grantperez, this combines a few requests into one fic.

It was a blue mooned night, wonder happened on blue moons, simple as that. This blue moon no different than any other, but special, as Gale found himself on his seventh drink, leaned against a very cold rock, talking to the moon. Enticing his truths out of his lips like a sweet sweet melody. Words only alcohol and a friend could get him to mutter.

“I wish I could just tell her how incredible she is-“ his words slurred slightly, “she’s enchanting. Every word she speaks is like a charm” 

“A charm, hm?” The moon replied “you sound like a man deeply in love.”

“I can’t-“ Gale stuttered. “We haven’t even made it to baldurs gate, I don’t…I don’t even know how many days, weeks? It’s been.” 

The moon sighed, followed by an unmistakable “tsk”, peculiar considering it was the moon, but as he recalled it he was sure it happened. 

“Night after night, when I shine brightest, you talk to me, and always about her. Love is all I hear, just not in those words. Everything but those four words.” 

Gale huffed, grabbing his goblet from the ground, drunkenly swishing the red liquid around, some sloshing out of the rim. The moon only spoke truths, but he kept denying it. Over and over again.

“Do you try to scare me?” Gale but his lower lip softly, his small attempt to stop the words from leaving his lips. “To dangle the promise of love in front of me?“ 

“Do you try to punish me? I don’t know if this heart can take another crack..it’s destined to shatter, eventually. Soon enough…”

“You let the possibility of hurt ruin a lifetime of love and happiness with the woman who you will call soulmate?”

“soulmate…? Moon, you can’t mean“ Gale fumbled standing up, wobbling left before gaining his balance again. accusingly pointing at the blue moon itself like he had discovered a secret never meant for his ears.  “You said soulmate.”

“I did indeed. Very observant.” The moon said, the sassy tone ever so present. “I can tell you a million times if you’d like, but it is your decision to accept it and proceed” 

“You confuse me for a fool. She couldn’t ever…why would she..could…” Gales voice trailed off, his finger that was pointed up falling to his side. “She could never love me.”

“You bring your insecurities into your otherwise rational mind. That does not make a fool, just a deeply scarred man.” The blue moon continued, “but soon I will disappear. Do you want to spend another night talking to me, or the woman you care for.”

“I care for her.” Gale repeated, brushing his fingers through his hair, he cared. He cared if you got hurt, if you smiled at his stupid jokes. He cared if you walked next to him instead of the others, he cared so deeply and truly. 

He loved. He loved hard and true. He wanted to never be alone again, he wanted to show you his whole world, share his heart and learn yours through and through. 

“I do..I do love her.” He let out a sigh, relieved? Perhaps. “I can’t let my happiness….our happiness slip by.”

“Thank you, moon.” He smiled up at the sky, the sun moments away from peaking its head above, turning night to day in a flourish of colors. “I’ll tell her everything.”

Gale finally dared open his eyes, which were closed tightly as he recounted his night to you. His eyes still tilted downward, however, as, honestly? He was terrified of what his story made you feel. Joy? Happy to hear his confession? Guilt, perhaps? For having to let him down gently? 

“What do you think?”

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

I have no future plans to make this a two parter.

Tag list, tell me if you want to be added!

@shyminnie07 @makers-breath @claryvoyantfray @black-sapphic

(Consider supporting me on Ko-fi)

[andreafmn]

12 Days of Ficmas ❅ Day 1

Word Count: 4.8K Paring:  Stiles Stilinski x Fem!Reader Prompt @alloftheprompts: Character A and Character B broke up but now they meet at a Christmas party.

Summary: In unpredictable Beacon Hills, Stiles and (Y/N) being together was one of the only things that made sense. But sometimes the smallest of changes can create the biggest of chaos. And a simple college admission letter can do just that. Maybe all it takes is the right Christmas gift to make things better.

A/N: yup, that's right, I'm doing 12 Days of Ficmas again (even if I haven't finished Kinktober 🫣🫣 but I am nothing if not a masochist (and a slight procrastinator) But enjoy!! This story actually made me tear up, honestly. But it wouldn't be one of my stories if there wasn't an insane amount of angst 😅 Also, disclaimer, I have not seen the last two seasons of Teen Wolf or the movie so, sorry for any inconsistencies.

Next ->

“Let’s just get this over with,” (Y/N) sighed as she fixed the Santa hat on top of her head. “They don’t have to know yet.”

“Yeah,” Stiles grimaced. “It’s better to wait until after the holidays, I guess.”

It was the first time Stiles and (Y/N) had ever been terrified to enter Scott’s house and face all of their friends. Even worse, they had to pretend everything was fine between them. 

Since they were little, the pair had been inseparable. Being next-door neighbors allowed them to grow close at a rapid pace. It was in her that he found solace on the nights his mother’s illness would take the best of her mind. He would run over to her house and climb the lattice that ran all the way up to her room. 

And she wouldn’t ask questions. (Y/N) would simply let him in through her window and distract him until he eventually drifted off to sleep. She did not need any explanations or reasons to comfort Stiles. She simply knew he needed her, and so she was there for him. Because if there was anything she knew of, it was the pain of slowly losing a parent.

They shared a bond that no one could break. Even as Scott entered their duo and they became the perfect trio, Stiles and (Y/N) shared a connection like no other. So, it came as no surprise to anyone when they got together. Even after Stiles had continuously professed his love for Lydia. Even after (Y/N) and Boyd had a quick fling. Everyone knew that it would be the two of them at the end of the day. 

What no one expected was that one day, they wouldn’t be Stiles and (Y/N) anymore. Hell, not even they had seen it coming. 

Their downfall had begun the second week of December. For some reason, the couple had not spoken about what happened after high school. In their senior year, they were focusing on the present, leaving the future where it was. Because what they didn’t know couldn’t hurt them. 

(Y/N) had applied under early action to various colleges, thinking nothing of it. But there was one college that had been her dream since her father had passed, and that was her only early decision application. She had worked every day since to make sure she was at least close to being accepted. But it was never a sure thing. 

She had promised herself to put it in the back of her mind. Stressing over that envelope would only drive her into madness. As much as she wanted it to be true, she knew the reality of the situation. The chances she could ever get in, much less with a full ride, were slim to none. And hoping only made things worse.

Still, that hadn’t stopped her from applying; it hadn’t stopped her from wishing. 

“Honey,” her mother had said one afternoon after she got home from school. “Look what came in the mail.” 

In her hands, there was a white manila envelope with blue lettering that clearly read: University of Oxford. 

(Y/N) could have sworn she could feel her heart in her throat, beating at an unnatural pace and threatening to leap out of her body. She crossed the distance between her front door to the kitchen faster than she had ever done before, needing to feel the paper in her hands. Only seeing it was not proof enough that it was real. 

“I don’t think I can open it,” the girl worried. “What if it’s bad, mom?”

“You won’t know unless you see, my darling,” she smiled softly. “But no matter what, you will still be the most impressive young lady I have known. And any college would be lucky to have you.”

With trembling hands, she broke open the envelope and pulled out a beautiful and crisp piece of white paper. “Dear (Y/N) (Y/L/N),” she read before taking a steadying breath. “It is with greatest pleasure that we inform you that the Admissions Comittee has decided to offer you admission to Oxford University through our binding Early Decision (ED) option on a full scholarship.”

As (Y/N) read those words, tears spilled from her eyes, and the papers fell from her hands. Her mother wrapped her arms tightly around her, showering her with words of love and encouragement. It had been everything she had worked for. Something not even the supernaturals of the world could take from her. 

“You’re going to Oxford, baby girl,” her mother cooed. “I knew you could. Your dad would have been just as proud as I am.” 

That moment should have been the happiest in her life so far. But there was a dark cloud that lingered over her as she celebrated. She had not told anyone she was applying to a college so far away, much less the reason she would be doing so. Mostly because she was terrified she wouldn’t get in. But part of her knew it was because she was leaving all her friends behind, leaving Stiles behind. And that was the hardest part. 

For the rest of the week, as she celebrated internally, she hid the biggest news of her life from all of her friends and the boy she had deemed the love of her life. Anyone would have thought she was the one harboring a secret supernatural life with the way she was guarding her secret. And, maybe it shouldn’t have been something she kept to herself. Maybe they would have all been excited for her and understood the reason for the distance. But something deep in her stopped her every single time. 

If her friends had noticed there was anything different from her demeanor, they didn’t say a thing. In the midst of final exams and the Christmas holidays soon approaching, everyone seemed to be stuck in their own heads. So, if they were in their heads, they couldn’t know there was something happening in hers.  

But that Friday night, at the same hour Stiles would always sneak in, (Y/N) knew there was no way she could continue to hide her secret any longer. 

“Come on,” he chuckled as he jumped onto her bed, holding his arms open. “Tell me what’s going on with you.” 

“What do you mean?” she said, forcing a smile. “Why do you say that?”

“You know you can’t lie to me. I may not have super hearing, but I can tell, (Y/N).” 

“Yeah,” she chuckled softly. “You know me too well.” 

“Of course I do,” he smiled as he crossed the distance between them and caressed the softness of her cheek. “Now, please, tell me what’s wrong?” 

That was it. That was the moment that had changed them, the moment that had broken them. 

(Y/N) took a steadying breath and took his hands in hers, focusing on the veins on his hands rather than his worried eyes. “I got a letter last week,” she started with a sigh. “I told you about all the colleges I had applied to as early action.” 

“Of course, you bright mind, you,” he said. “Did you already start getting the acceptance letters?” 

“Uh, there’s another college I actually applied to. Early decision.”

“Like binding early decision?”

“Yeah, exactly,” she said, her voice trembling as she spoke. “I, uh, I applied to the University of Oxford. And I got in.”

Instead of embracing her, Stiles dropped her hands, taking a step away from her. “In England?” he asked as though he was offended. “Why would you wanna go that far?”

“It’s not about the distance,” she grimaced, finally meeting his hurt eyes. “It’s about what that school means. That’s where my dad went to school. That’s the place my parents met. That was the school that started my entire life, Stiles.” 

“So, why didn’t you tell me about it? If it was so damn important, why did you never mention it?” Stiles seethed, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. “You wanna start a new life, is that it? Follow in your parents’ footsteps and meet the love of your life there? Great, (Y/N). And you made sure you did it in a way you couldn’t back out.”

“Stiles, that’s not…”

“So, what? Were you gonna wait until graduation to tell me that you were moving halfway across the world to get away from us? From me?” the boy cried. “Or were you simply going to disappear and start a new life without telling anyone? But I guess that’s your thing now, huh? Keeping big shit like this until you can’t anymore.”

“That’s not fair, Stiles,” she frowned, hugging her arms tightly across her torso. “I didn’t want to get my hopes up, so I didn’t say anything. That doesn’t mean that I would have never told you about it. I’m not looking to escape. I’m looking to start my future.” 

“And it looks like you were starting it without me then,” he croaked. “What does that mean for us, (Y/N)? We ride it out until graduation, and then you leave for the rest of your life?” 

“I don’t… you wanna b-break up?” 

“It’s inevitable now, isn’t it?” Stiles said in a tone that broke her more than the words he was speaking. “You’re gonna be in England, and I’m gonna be god knows where. It’s better just to do it now.” 

That night was nothing like she had imagined it would be. She had hoped Stiles would have been excited for her and promised her everything would be alright. That somehow he would have the answers to how they could withstand so much distance because they had to make it. Out of everyone in their friend group, those two had to make it. 

Instead, it had taken a turn for the worse. One second, Stiles was standing before her with a smile on his face, and the next, he was leaving through her window with tears streaming down his face. What she had most been dreading was that scenario to play out, and a week before their friend’s holiday party, it had. They had gone through life-threatening and mind-boggling situations, but it was a college acceptance letter that broke them apart. 

The coming days (Y/N) spent buried in bed. Although she should have been celebrating one of her biggest achievements –other than saving lives and defeating many, many creatures– she had wasted more tears during that time than she had done the past years of her life. She was distraught and defeated, and she had no idea how she would make it through the last semester of high school, much less how she would have made it through a Christmas party. 

Somehow, they had arrived at Scott’s house at the same time, even after she had made sure she left twenty minutes after Stiles. The universe liked to play its mean tricks, but that one was almost unforgivable. 

“Let’s just try to stay out of each other’s way,” he grimaced. “The less we are near each other, the harder it’ll be for them to find out.” 

“Harder to find out what?” Scott asked as he swung the front door open, his signature goofy grin stretched across his mouth. Instinctively, Stiles draped his arm around (Y/N)’s shoulders and smiled brightly. “Ooh, did you bring your brownies, (Y/N)?” 

“Yeah,” she smiled. “Still warm from the oven.” 

“Wouldn’t be a party without them,” Stiles commented. “Now, let us in. It’s kinda cold out tonight.” 

The second they were inside, Stiles broke for the living room while (Y/N) moved to the kitchen with Scott. She set the tray on the overfilled kitchen island, noticing to the side that the dinner table was perfectly set up. “Oh, the table looks nice,” she commented. “But I thought we’d be doing something more low-key.” 

“Yeah,” he chuckled awkwardly. “Lydia thought it’d be fun to do a more grown-up dinner party.” 

“Yeah. Place settings and everything.” 

“We were waiting for you guys to start eating,” he said. “We’re doing gifts after.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

Slowly, the rest of the group trickled into the kitchen, greeting and hugging (Y/N) as they looked over all the food and served themselves their plates. And, of course, her seat was right next to Stiles’. Even if she had wanted to sit anywhere else, the rest had already taken their assigned seats, and the only open spot was the one that had her name. 

She gave her ex-boyfriend a small smile, looking anywhere but into the brown of his eyes. Her heart beat against her chest, threatening to jump out of her body. It made her fidgety as everyone ate, thinking any of the wereanimals around her would be able to tell how she was feeling. 

But Scott was laughing with Stiles, Malia was talking to Lydia, and Hayden, Liam, and Mason had their own conversation running. (Y/N) was all by herself. She was surrounded by all the people she loved, but it was the loneliest she had felt in a long time. Without the usual comforting words from Stiles, she couldn’t help but feel so out of place. It was the happiest time of the year, but the girl was miserable, and it hurt that it didn’t seem like the boy she loved was sad as well. 

“Alright,” Lydia spoke up as everyone ignored their mostly empty plates. “Now that our bellies are full, I think it’s time for Secret Santa! And I truly hope you all kept it a secret this time.” 

“Not that it’d matter anyway,” Liam chuckled. “We all know we ask for help every time.” 

“Anyways,” she said, ignoring the soft laughter that erupted from the group. “Let’s go to the living room, and (Y/N) you’ll go first.”

“Oh, uh, sure,” she smiled as she followed the group into the living room. She crouched under the decorated Christmas tree, pulling out the gift that had been there for almost two weeks. “I got Lydia.” 

“How wonderful!” the redhead mused, quick to hug her friend and rip away the wrapping paper. Inside the gift box was a mosaic picture of Lydia, Allison, and (Y/N), the first time they had finally considered each other friends. “Oh, it’s beautiful! I wish I could take it with me everywhere.” 

“It was hard to get it just right, but I loved how it turned out.” 

“It’s perfect, (Y/N),” she beamed. “Thank you.” 

“Of course. I love you, Lids.” 

“Love you too,” the girl said as she wrapped her friend in a tighter hug. “My turn!”

Lydia had gifted Liam nine books out of his TBR list —nine because of his lacrosse number. Then, Liam gifted Scott a new leather jacket so he could “actually look cool when riding his motorcycle,” Liam snickered. Scott then gifted Malia a light blue hoodie to add to her ever-growing collection, while Malia gifted Hayden a journal and pen set, saying it was for when her mind felt too busy. After a warm smile and a hug, she announced her gift was for Mason, laughing as he pulled out an ugly cat sweater. Once the loud laughter subsided, Mason gifted Stiles a massage mat for his Jeep. 

“For when you’re taking really long drives,” the boy smiled, clearly proud of himself. “There’s quite some distance between here and D.C. It’ll come in handy.” 

“Yeah,” he chuckled as he hugged Mason. “Thanks, man. It’s great.” 

“Don’t mention it.”

As Mason sat back down, Stiles cleared his throat as he pulled the last gift. Everyone knew by then who it was for. There was no one else left. “Well, I guess you all know who this is for,” he said. “I hope you like it, (Y/N).” 

The girl received the bag with a soft smile, trying her best to swallow the tears that were threatening to spill. She had forgotten for a second how cruel the universe could be. She pulled out the white tissue paper first before finding a beautiful brown bear dressed in a blue knit sweater. Around its neck, there was a necklace with something she could only assume was a soundwave. With curiosity washing over her, she looked to Stiles for an explanation. 

“Uh, so, it’ll make a lot more sense if you press the bear’s hand,” he stammered. Once she died as told, the sound broke her. From deep in the belly of the teddy bear, her father’s voice rang out, singing the words of “You Are My Sunshine.” There was not a single night when she was little that her father didn’t sing that to her, and even as she grew old for the lullaby, he would call her sunshine. “I got a recording from your mom of your dad singing the song when you were a baby,” Stiles spoke over the music. “And the necklace is the image of the soundwave of your dad calling you sunshine.” 

Tears had long since fallen down her cheeks, clutching the bear in her arms as though it was her own father. With her eyes closed, it was almost as though he was right there, singing to her. But it was what came after the song that shattered her. “You’re gonna do great things, (Y/N),” her father said through the bear. “I love you forever, my little sunshine.” 

At that moment, all she wanted to do was hug Stiles and kiss him like she had done a million times before. That was the boy she had fallen in love with. The one that cared and listened. The one that had made her heart race and her stomach turn into butterflies. She wanted to tell him she loved him and never let him go, but she couldn’t. Just like she could never do with her father. 

“I, uh,” she said as she stood from the couch, feeling as though she would faint in the crowded room. “I need some air.” 

(Y/N) stammered her way out of the living room and through the front door, only allowing herself to break down when she was at the end of the driveway. She fell to her knees and hugged the bear to her chest as she cried, letting the hurt that had accumulated over the years spill onto the pavement. In less than six months, she was going to walk into a new life halfway across the globe without the support of her father and now, without the support of Stiles. All alone. 

She should have been celebrating. She knew that. She should have been crying tears of joy and jumping into her love’s arms. Instead, it was the bear’s arms that she could feel. The softness of its fur, the sound of her father’s voice. 

Without even realizing it, she had begun singing along to the lullaby, sniffling between words as the tears didn’t relent. “You’re gonna do great things, (Y/N),” her father said once more through the bear. “I love you forever, my little sunshine.” 

“I love you too, dad,” she cried. 

“Hey,” his voice startled her. Through teary eyes, she looked up to find Stiles draping a jacket over her shoulders. He slid to the ground next to her, facing the house before them as she was now. “I’m sorry. I bought the gift weeks ago, and I wasn’t sure if I was still allowed to give it to you.” 

“No, it was… i-it was perfect,” she stammered, running her hand over the bear’s fur. “It’s just everything rushed over me. Like the breakup, the fact that I won’t be here next year, the fact that my dad won’t even see me gradua…”

Another string of sobs ransacked (Y/N)’s body, but that time it wasn’t the bear she was hugging. Stiles had wrapped his arms around her, pressing her into his chest. She could smell his cologne and feel his warmth, a feeling she had missed for the past seven days. All she wanted was to melt into his touch and profess to him all that she felt. But she couldn’t. Not anymore. Because he didn’t want it. 

“I didn’t want things to be this way,” she cried into his chest. “I didn’t want everything to fall apart.” 

Stiles remained quiet as she cried, a hard feat for someone like him. But he let her cry and cry until only quiet sniffles filled the air. Because he hadn’t wanted things to be that way either. 

He knew he had overreacted. When he had told (Y/N) his plans of enrolling in George Washington University all the way across the county, she had told him they could make it work. Especially if she got into any of the ivy leagues she had applied to on the East Coast. It had been fine. Hell, it had been perfect. 

But when she told him that she wouldn’t just be a couple of states away but that she would be on another continent, he couldn’t help but let his abandonment issues take control. 

He knew she was brilliant. He knew she deserved to do and be all that she had dreamed. But he feared that once she achieved all of her goals, he would just not fit into her life anymore. 

“You’re gonna go on to do great things, (Y/N),” he sighed sadly as her tears stopped. “You’re gonna go to Oxford, just like your parents, and you’re gonna probably graduate at the top of your class on your way. And I’ll be here —well, in Washington, technically—cheering you on.”

“But why couldn’t we be great together, Stiles? We couldn’t we both go on to do great things, together?”

“Come on, (Y/N). Once you’re there, you’re gonna meet so many people, and you’ll have guys falling on their knees for you,” he chuckled dryly. “I won’t fit into your new world. I mean, you said it yourself: that’s where your parents met and your life began. And now, maybe you’ll have a new beginning. And years from today, we’ll run into each other, and you’ll tell me about your job and your husband and your kids, and I’ll be so happy for you. Because you serve all the love and happiness in the world, even if it’s without me.”

“Have you even asked yourself if that’s what I want?” (Y/N) asked as she left his warm embrace, her red eyes boring into his. “I’m not leaving because I’m searching for a new life. I want to go to Oxford because it’s one of the last things I can share with my dad. I can walk down the same halls he did, I can take classes in the same classrooms, and eat at the same places he did. But I was always going to come back, Stiles. Because my friends are here, my mom is here, because you are here. I don’t want to run into you and talk about another man or the kids I would have with him. I don’t want to run into you at all. I want to walk beside you, Stiles. If I ever have kids, it’s only if they’re a part of you too,” she cried, fresh tears falling down her already-stained cheeks. “If you don’t love me anymore, then fine. I can understand that, and I can walk away. But don’t you dare say that you wouldn’t fit into my life because you’ve been there longer than anyone I know, and I need you to be there until the end. Because I already lost someone important to me and I can’t lose you too. Not you.” 

“(Y/N), I don’t want to lose you either,” he sobbed. “But how can we fight with the distance? How could we ever withstand the fact that we’ll be an ocean away?”

“We have gone through worse battles than a plane ride, Stiles. We have been on the brink of death more times this past year than any person would in their lifetime. Do you really think being in a different time zone is the limit to our relationship? I know the future isn’t promised but you were the one person I always knew would be there.”

“I’m scared, okay?! I’m scared that you’ll meet someone better than me, (Y/N). I’m terrified that you’ll realize that maybe I’m not the guy that can give you your happy ever after,” he finally confessed. His voice croaked, and his chest heaved as the words fell out of his mouth faster than he could ever stop them. “This week has been torture without you. But it’s made me realize that Beacon Hills has always been too small for you. After May, you’re gonna go out there and find your place. And this town will be nothing but a memory you’ll come back to.”

“There is no one better for me than you, Stiles, and Beacon Hills will always be my home,” she replied softly. Her cold hand found his cheek, and she wiped away his tears with her thumb. “I don’t want to know a life where you’re not there. You can’t give up on us without even trying, Stiles. You just can’t.” 

Without thinking twice, (Y/N) crashed her lips onto his, sinking into the warmth of his mouth. After a week, kissing him felt like the very first time. It was desperate and filled with need —the need for closeness and passion, the need for love. Instinctively, Stiles’ hands found her waist and pulled her closer to him, wondering how he ever thought he could live without her touch. 

“I love you, Stiles, and I don’t even want to think about ever having to love someone else,” she whispered as she parted from him. “My heart belongs to you. And if this is the end, it’ll still remain in your hands.” 

“I couldn’t love anyone else like I love you, (Y/N),” he replied with a soft smile. “But I just can’t help the thoughts that flood my brain sometimes.” 

“Then don’t listen to them and listen to me when I say that since the moment I met you, I’ve known you were it for me. There is no other man waiting for me in Oxford. It’s you, and it will always be you,” (Y/N) said before kissing him softly once more. “You’re the best thing that has happened to me, Stiles Stilinski, and you’re the only thing that I want to keep happening to me.”

“I can’t believe I ever broke up with you. Especially during Christmas,” Stiles chuckled as he rested his forehead against hers, flicking the tip of her nose with his own. “It was honestly the worst week of my life.” 

“Including being possessed?” Scott’s voice startled them as he came into view. “Although, I get it because this was completely avoidable.”

(Y/N) chuckled as she took Scott’s extended hand and got on her feet, wiping away any tears that still remained. “Did you hear that whole thing?”

“More or less,” he chuckled. “It’s a bit hard not to when I was coming to see if you guys were okay.” 

“We’re good now, Scotty,” Stiles grinned. “Just had some unresolved feelings to work, though.” 

“Can you not mention the whole thing about the breakup? I don’t wanna make it a whole thing.”

“That’s a bit hard, (Y/N),” Malia called from the open front door. “We all kind of already know.”

“Oh, cool, great,” she said as she hid in Stile’s embrace. “That’s not embarrassing at all.”

“Eh, at least our parents are back together,” Liam commented. “Best Christmas present.” 

“It really is, huh?” Stiles whispered as he kissed the top of her head. 

“Yes. Very cute and adorable,” Lydia added in a desperate tone. “Now, can we go back inside before Hayden and Mason finish all the brownies?”

As the group walked back into the house, Stiles and (Y/N) shared one more moment together on the front porch. “Hey, look up,” Stiles said with a smile. “Mistletoe.”

“Funny that they’d hang that at a werewolf's home,” she chuckled. “Although, I’m pretty sure that one’s plastic.”

“And I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to kiss me.”

“Maybe I’m waiting for another guy to kiss under the plant.” Stiles frowned at her words, and all she could do was laugh. “Too soon?”

“Much,” he said. “Now, come here.”

He snaked his hands on either side of her face and kissed her passionately. He kissed her for every day they had spent apart. He kissed her for every hurtful word he had spewed. He kissed her as a promise of his love for her. Stiles kissed her like she was his future. 

Next ->

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[cityhxh]

Show you off - Toji Fushiguro

— ♆ 19+ no minors/ageless blogs will blocked !!

—cw: fem!reader, public nsfw (mdni), teasing, petnames, established relationship, dom!character & sub!reader, semi public sex, people pleaser reader

WC: 1.7k

author's note ➩ story based on this request:

First time posting stuff like this so I hope y’all like it :))

“What happened baby? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

The thought of getting caught was driving you insane. You cling onto Toji tightly as he presses your back against the cold bathroom wall. You moan into the crook of his neck as you hide your face in pure pleasure.

“Don’t do that.” Toji says with a groan as he grabs a fist full of your hair, pulling your head back so you’re no longer hidden in the crook of his neck. “There she is.”

“T-Toji~”

“I’m right here. Daddy’s right here.”

His cock entered you with ease, the perfect size and girth, filling you up to the brim. When you told Toji about wanting to fuck in a crowded restaurant bathroom you didn’t think he’d actually fulfill your fantasy.

( Ten minutes earlier…)

“Funny how you bring this up as we’re in a crowded restaurant right now... It’s like you knew.”

You stare at him confused. Taking a sip of your wine before saying with a soft smile. “You think too highly of me.” He stares at you for a moment before smiling to himself, looking down at his lap. Your hand reaches up to your neck to play with your silver necklace, Toji’s name being on it, full displayed. Toji looks back up and sees you messing with the necklace, knowing what you meant with such a simple jester. He scoffs. “Here? Out of all places?” You stare at him innocently as you continue to mess with the necklace.

“It’ll be quick, I promise.” You pouted as he pinched the bridge of his nose. You slowly raise your leg and with your foot you gently palm his crotch with the tip of your heel. Biting your lip as he makes eye contact with you, feeling him grow under your touch. Sadly, no one would notice since the table cloth touches the floor covering the whole thing.

Toji leans into the table and you quickly follow his motion. His breath hitches as you continue to press onto him with your foot. “Men’s room. Second stall. Make sure no one is around before you go in.” He says as he quickly stands. “Wait, how would I know if there’s anyone else in there?” Toji chuckles. Rolling his eyes as he looks at you with mischief in his eyes. “Baby as if that mattered to you. Second stall. Wait a bit before going, don’t wanna look too obvious now.” You couldn’t hide your excitement as he walked away with a bulge in his pants.

( Present time )

Wet sounds fill the restroom as Toji sinks further in you. He lets out a low groan as he feels your cunt clench him tightly, making it difficult to keep his calm pace. You make him go feral, he can’t get enough of you.

“Baby, if you keep clenching like that your gonna cut my dick off.” You couldn’t even respond as your mind was in cloud 9. Toji stares at your fucked out expression, adoring every second of it. He starts to feel a sense of accomplishment as your eyes roll to the back of your head.

“I can’t, I can’t no more— ah~”

You moan as he pulls out of you. Sitting you on the toilet so you wouldn’t fall over. You sit back and take deep breaths feeling your cunt flutter around nothing, you were so close and now you felt empty. “Toji.” You whine out as he lets his pants pool around his ankles. His dick was hard and throbbing, his tip blushed pink as his cock curved upward on its own, pulsing when Toji’s eyes looked down at you.

“You can’t? Baby I thought this was your thing?” He teases as he reaches to stroke his cock. Truth be told, Toji may act like he isn’t into whatever his girl is into, but he honestly loves it. He loves seeing her get riled up and purposefully dress in clothes that expose what he did the night before. He loved the fact you show him off. But he’ll never tell her, pff. It’ll go right to her head.

“Seeing my name around your neck makes me so fucking hard.” Toji says as he reaches with his free hand to touch the necklace. You look up at him with doe eyes, grabbing his hand and putting his thumb in his mouth, slowly sucking on it as if it were his cock. “Got an itch in your throat, mamas?” He removed his thumb and replaced them with his middle and index finger. He throbs at the way you sucked his fingers, and the way you look at him.

“If only you could see yourself right now, fuck.” He groans. “Get on your knees for me, baby. Can you do that for me?” He asks nicely as you quickly slide off the toilet and get on your knees. “That’s my girl, always so good for me.” He praises you, as you sat comfortably on the ground. Toji takes off his jacket, leaving him in a black compressed shirt. “Use this mamas.” He puts the jacket on the ground for you to sit on, even though you were okay without it. “Don’t want you bruising those pretty knees now, do we,” You move onto the jacket and rub your thighs together.

You sat right in front of Toji. He puts his cock directly on your lips, tapping it softly as he glides it over to your left cheek, over your lips again, then to the right cheek. He loved seeing how big it looked next to your delicate face. He’d cum just at the sight. “What are you feeling today, baby? You think I can help that itch in your throat?” You nod quickly as I grab his cock with both hands and kiss it softly, from the base to the tip.

“Yes, please.”

“What if someone walks in and sees you on your knees? How’d you respond with your mouth full of cock?” You whine as you slowly start to jerk him off. “I don’t have too, they never ask.” Toji bites his lip enjoying the sight below him. You pepper kiss his cock and suck on the tip as if it were a lollipop. You look up at him as you do so, slowly taking inch by inch into your mouth, until he hits the back of your throat. You bob your head up and down as your eyes water. You love the way you sounded and the way his cock stretched your throat. It scratches it perfectly.

You couldn’t help but reach down and touch yourself. As you sucked Toji off and stroked him with your left hand, you used your right one to draw circles on your clit, clenching around nothing as Toji brought his hands on top of your head to bob your head faster.

“Fuck you’re doing such a good job, mamas.” He moans out loudly as he hears you gagging around him. You feel him twitch inside your mouth as you moan, sending vibrations to his cock, making him shiver as he feels an orgasm coming.

He quickly pulls out as you cough and gasp for air. He pulls you back onto your feet but this time he locks your legs around his waist as he thrusts inside of you. He presses you against the wall once more as he thrusts into you roughly, making the stall rattle around you. His pace was brutal, he moaned loudly into your ear almost whimpering as he tried to sink into you further. You moaned loudly as you felt sparkles start to go off in your lower stomach. You use your legs to pull him closer as he’s balls deep inside you. He buries his faces into the crook of your neck and begins to suck on the skin, leaving marks and trails of wet kisses. “This pussy is so good to me, I’m so fucking greatful.” Toji says with a growl as he continues his brutal pace. He kisses your lips, slipping his tongue as he sucked on your own.

You kissed him back as you locked your arms around his neck, only for Toji to put them above your head with one arm as he used the other to keep you lifted.

“I-I’m cumming, fuck Toji.”

You moan out as your legs begin to twitch. Toji smiled between the kiss as you felt his cock twitch. “Me too mamas— fuck.”

You both cum at the same time. Your legs locked around him as he came inside you. He holds you close as you both continue to cum, so out of breath and in a daze. Toji slowly starts thrusting into you as you wince from how sensitive you are. “Just a lil more.. I just love the way you make me feel, I don’t want it to go to waste.” He says as he kisses your cheek. You hug him close as he continues to slowly thrust into you as he hides in the crook of your neck.

“You sure you don’t wanna use my jacket?” Toji says as he wipes your thighs as cum leaks down from them. You shake your head. “No. I want them to see how good I have it and who gave it to me.” You smile sweetly as he finishes cleaning you. He puts your panties back on as you fix your dress. He looks at the freshly made hickeys on your chest and neck and couldn’t help but blush. “You wanna show me off just like that?” You raise a brow as you leave the stall and walk over to the sink as you fix your hair. “Of course. Don’t you think your name looks hot around all these marks.”

You check out your neck as the necklace sparkles around the red markings. You turn to him and pull him over by the hand. Wrapping your arms around him as you pull him in for a deep kiss. Suddenly the bathroom door opens, you continue to make out with Toji as you look to see who it might be, but it was just some guys staring at you both wide eyed. You smiled into the kiss and made out with Toji even harder. Deepening the kiss as you made eye contact with one of the men who entered the restroom. Toji pulled away, not even looking back at the people who entered the bathroom as he whispered in your ear. “You like putting on a show, don’t you?” You kiss his cheek and say with a smile.

“When it’s with you.. always.”

You step back and make your way out of the bathroom. You nod at one of the men and say smugly.

“Satoru.”

Tags: @lilyisprtty

[sokkigarden]

hi!! i am a sucker for the fake dating trope and i was hoping you could do a Jamie x reader fake dating thing? i would literally die <3

me and @whimsical-roasting were LITERALLY JUST talking about this tee hee so shoutout to her! i’m also obsessed w fake dating i hope you like this anon! <3 this is sorta the beginnings so maybe i’ll write part 2 if y’all like it ? lol

jamie tartt x reader | fake dating au drabble

it would start out at a bar or something definitely. you don’t know much about football but suddenly this really hot guy is draping his arm around your shoulder to get this creep to leave you alone. “hey babe, sorry it took so long,” he’d say and tuck some hair behind your ear, making eye contact with you so you know he’s playing it up to get this dude to leave.

the guy finally gets the hint and leaves you alone with the mystery guy. he’s looking at you expectantly but you don’t really know what to say.

“you have mates around here somewhere?” he asks, and you’d point to your friend who was presently making out with some guy in a corner booth. this bar was kinda exclusive and she’s dragged you along because she wanted to see some celebs and you hoped whoever she was kissing was at least mildly famous for her sake.

“no way, the blonde? she’s snogging my teammate,” he replies

“teammate?”

“yeah, i’m a footballer.”

“ohhhh, like professionally?”

you clearly don’t know anything about football if you don’t know him, but the question makes him laugh as he nods. your cluelessness is honestly endearing.

you thank him for helping with the creep and he offers to buy you a drink which quickly leads to spending the rest of the evening hanging out with him. you ask him stupid questions about football and then start trading stories about life.

it was a pretty platonic night aside from some light flirting but you couldn’t help but flirt with a fit footballer you’ll probably never see again.

until a picture of you next to him at the bar ends up on twitter. and your face is now trending.

you expect that it’ll pass by after a few days but then you see your face on the telly. followed up with a statement by jamie saying he’s happy with his new gf and would prefer people to stay out of his love life.

which is why you end up at the afc richmond training facility front desk asking to see your “boyfriend”

“why did you tell people i’m your girlfriend? are you insane?”

“uhhhhh”

truth be told the richmond boys had been ribbing him about the picture and he hadn’t wanted to deny it. and then some nosy reporter asked him about you in a pub and he thought a simple comment asking for privacy would be enough to calm things instead of fueling the fire.

jamie didn’t know what he was thinking. but the press hadn’t been super nice to him recently so he thought dating a nice low profile girl would help his image.

“and were you… i don’t know… ever going to mention this to me???”

“uhhhhh”

“oi, Jamie, is this your girl? she coming to the match tomorrow?”

one of jamie’s teammates clapped him on the shoulder and smiled at you before going into the locker room. his words intrigued you though. already a plan was forming in your head.

“would you… be able to get me tickets to matches? in exchange for being your fake gf?”

realization dawned on jamie’s face at your proposal and he nodded.

“i can get you VIP tickets, you and a mate? i’ll throw in a tartt jersey too. if you wear it, people might stop giving me so much slack. see i’ve changed.”

you held out your hand for him to shake and he did, squeezing it instead of letting go immediately. you looked into his eyes.

this plan could clearly mean trouble if you thought too much about how pretty he was. and how nice he seemed. and the feel of his hand in yours.

you were in so much trouble.

[vampiric-hunger]

⊱─ 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕤𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟: 𝕔𝕙. 𝟟 - 𝕡𝕣𝕚𝕕𝕖 ─⊰

➺ 𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘: Ascended Astarion/f!reader

➺ 𝕥𝕒𝕘𝕤: no y/n is used, rating - E, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, smut, body worship, cunnilingus, grinding, fingering, vampiric bites, blood drinking, PiV, breast play, creampie, happy ending.

➺ 𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪 𝕤𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪: you're skilled, driven and most importantly - ambitious. but even as someone in your position, a trained assassin and a leader of your own Guild, you still lend yourself to jobs that are of importance. even if those jobs sometimes mean attending parties. tonight - it's a masquerade and you're bored out of your mind, until the man who hired you to protect him leaves you alone, at the mercy of a stranger who suddenly took a keen interest in you.

➺ 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 5,626

𝕒𝕦𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕣 𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕖: it is done! it is over! honestly i don't even know what to say. first i want to thank those who followed this story from the very first chapter and those who kept supporting me along the way of writing it even when i had doubts. second, i want to thank everyone who commented, liked and shared this fic, every thing, big or small, is always appreciated by me. and now, i bring to your attention - the ending of this story, please enjoy♡~

➺ 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥: [link]

Last time you were at the luxurious mansion you were met with hostility. Not only from Astarion’s spawn but from the Vampire Lord himself, yet when you show up at the iron gate this time you don’t have to wait or wonder when you will be noticed if at all. The moment you stop by the locked entry a thrall appears through the open door and scurries your way.

“My Lady.” he addresses you and to your surprise you notice that it’s the same man who came to question you the first time you were here, yet his attitude right now is furthest thing from sour. “Wonderful evening.” he adds and you raise an eyebrow, watching him pick a key on a steel ring and slip it into a lock. He’s not even looking at you, his eyes are downcast or focused on his fingers, you can’t really tell which is the reason, and it takes you a moment to realize you should respond.

“Good evening.” you simply say, not bothering to make small talk because this spawn is obviously only polite to you because of his Master.

“This way, my Lady.” the gate is opened and you step inside, then stop and look behind you as the thrall locks it again, but you’re not looking at him, you’re looking to the houses and streets that you are leaving behind. For a second you wonder if you will be able to freely wander them again.

A moment of doubt, of worry, of fear, and your steps falter when the spawn begins leading you towards the massive door, but you press your lips into a thin line and follow him anyway. It’s not too late to say no, you know that, it’s not too late to ask Astarion what exactly he has in mind for you. And as you make your way through the corridors, you begin preparing questions in your head.

This is not something you forgot to consider since last night, when you both at last made yourselves presentable and returned to the party. Duke was furious, obviously, but Astarion’s charm and your apologies eventually calmed him down enough to warn you specifically not to do anything like this again or he will make your life in Gate unbearable. You heard the threat loud and clear and accepted it. The price could’ve been bigger to pay if Duke Sanolin wasn’t the man to see any worth in you. Thus, when you returned to your own home instead to the Guildhall, not wanting to deal with jobs and reports, you did spend considerable time thinking about what happened.

And yet you still came.

The truth is simple to you now, even if you still doubt the longevity of it, but you can’t resist the pull of a man who tried so damn hard to make you his. And your tired, yearning heart compels you to keep walking, to keep following the silent spawn, because there’s a promise. A promise that you won’t have to struggle again, a promise that you won’t be hurt again, a promise that everything you had to suffer through had a reason, even if that reason is to be loved by someone. Doesn’t everyone want that? Even to you this notion feels silly and naïve but you can’t help it. How Astarion makes you feel overrides your logic, the lessons you have learned in the past and your worries for the future.

After all, you are used to chains, but you have hope, however gullible that hope makes you feel, that maybe this is exactly what your life led you towards.

“Here, my Lady.” the spawn interrupts your musings and you stop when he bows his head and gestures towards the door. You recognize it, it’s the same one that you stood in front of before when you visited Astarion in his bedroom.

Puzzled you look at the thrall but he’s not moving nor is he looking at you, his glowing red eyes focused on the noses of his shoes as if there’s something written on them so you sigh and lick your lips swallowing dryly before you take the handle and push it down. The moment you do it, you hear the vampire spawn turn on his heels and leave in hurried footsteps.

You resist the desire to look at him leaving you here, as if he’s a friend who suddenly abandoned you in the crowd of faces, but instead of letting your anxiety get the better of you, you push the handle down and open the door.

The view that opens in front of you surprises you. Your lips part in a silent inhale and your eyes widen. What you saw it last, the lair of a spoiled slob now is a wonderfully tidy bedroom. The curtains prevent last rays of light entering the room, but there’s red lit candles everywhere. The tables are clean and there’s flowers in vases on them. There are no piles of clothes in front of a closet, the canopy over the bed bears dark red curtains neatly tied to bedposts and the sheets themselves are white, tidy and clean. No bodies hidden behind furniture, no blood stains left. It’s like a completely different room to what you saw first time and the contrast takes your breath away.

Except Astarion is nowhere to be seen.

You walk past the door, letting it close behind you, and you look around, searching for a glimpse of silver hair but you realize you’re completely alone. So you step deeper into the room, walking to one small table and touching the blooms of flowers with your fingertips, then look around again. You can wait of course, until he appears. You are sure he has been informed that you arrived already but you feel tense enough. Enough not want to be alone.

“Astarion?” you call out gently at first, not sure if you should rise your voice, but when nothing happens and no reply comes, you try again and louder. “Astarion, are you here?”

You suddenly get startled when a door you haven’t noticed until now, the one on your left, swings open and Astarion steps in with a smile.

“Pardon my delay.” he apologizes and closes the door, strolling right up to you. Before you can say anything, for a moment focused on his expensive-looking navy blue and silver embroidered clothes, you feel Astarion’s hand slip around your waist and pull you against his body with a dance swing.

“Wait!” you gasp, caught off guard as your steps falter to follow him but Astarion only laughs and lifts your chin to him, his crimson gaze intense and his smile wide.

“Wait for what? You came and I’ve waited enough.” he says and steals a kiss the moment you part your lips to speak. You make a noise of protest, but feeling his tongue against yours makes the heat engulf you on the inside and his arm around your waist only holds you against his chest firmer, stronger.

When Astarion releases your lips from the devouring passion of his, he smiles and strokes your chin with a thumb while still holding it up.

“I missed you terribly.” he announces and you can’t help but smile slightly.

“You saw me last night.”

“I didn’t see you today yet, have I?”

“No, but-“

“No buts, you came because you want to be mine. And I want to make you mine. I waited for this long enough.” Astarion reasserts and leans in for another kiss but this time you have your wits about you and you quickly push your palm against his chest to stop him. Vampire cranes his neck in further attempt to press his lips against yours but you slightly shake your head, your expression becoming serious.

“I have questions.” you say quietly and finally he stops, there’s a flash of emotion in his eyes and his face but he just smiles and straightens his back, releasing your chin and gripping your waist with both hands now.

“Questions? And what could they be?” he sounds almost dismissive if not for the smallest sound of strain in his voice. You realize he’s worried.

“I want to know what…” you pause, picking your words. “What turning me into a vampire will mean for me.” you stop again to think and Astarion remains silent, letting you speak. “I want to know what to expect, I want to know if… if you will take my freedom. If I’ll be just like the rest of your spawn – a servant, a slave.”

This time you see a clear flash of fear in his crimson gaze but Astarion quickly masks it and lets go of your waist, turning from you and walking to the small table that has a what looks like a carafe of wine, he then proceeds to flip the glasses up and begin pouring the liquid.

“What do you know about me, little assassin?” he suddenly asks, his voice serious and you raise your eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sure you gathered as much information as you could about me, didn’t you? If not, you’d be a lazy assassin.” Astarion teases with a smile and a glance cast in your direction. This makes you relax, smile and approach him, letting him hand you one of the glasses.

“You are right, I did gather as much about your past I could.” you take a sip and Astarion turns to face you, a twin glass in his hand and he cocks his head slightly to the side and gestures for you to go on.

“Don’t hold me in suspense then, please share.” he smiles even if you notice that his eyes remain serious. He has a point he wants to make, you are sure of it.

“I know you have been a vampire spawn to a man named Cazador for several centuries. I know that you used to be courtesan. I suspect you killed your own Master when you had the chance, given the mansion that originally was in his name.” you now too gesture around you and Astarion nods.

“Quite correct without the lurid details. Clever, but I always expect you to be clever.” he sips his wine and looks around briefly, as if for a moment reliving all the memories of haunting these walls as a mere spawn and not as a Lord he is now. “Yes Cazador, my old Master, sent me out to get him victims. For blood or other purposes, me and other spawn were never made aware of his plans.” Astarion’s eyes return to yours. “But he’s gone now. He served his purpose.” you open your mouth to ask a question but he lifts a single finger, wanting for you to wait. “So you see, I have a history of slavery. Just like you.”

Dread fills your heart and your insides fill with freezing led at his words. You can’t move, can’t speak, can barely move and your eyes widen.

“How do you…” you finally gasp out rather than speaking up and Astarion’s eyes soften, his smile is gentle and he reaches out with one hand cupping the side of your face, his touch so tender.

“Clever as you are, you’re still a mortal working with other mortals. I am a Vampire, little assassin, I have power and influence. Finding about your past wasn’t hard. Fiends and demons like to brag way more than you may realize when they think you match their depravity.” words spoken softly, but they cut like a dagger’s blade.

You can’t help it, sorrow fills your chest and you look at Astarion, the only man that ever made you feel so fragile as you do now, the only man that makes you want to seek his comfort. You don’t know what to say so you just close your eyes and try not let tears gather behind your eyelids as you lean into his touch.

“Tell me now, darling, do you really think I would seek to take away your freedom?” Astarion whispers after he takes a single step to stand closer to you and you look at him again, searching his eyes for an answer or maybe reassurance. “I want you to be mine willingly. I could’ve made you into a spawn any time when we were together, but I want you to be mine because you want it. Because you are special. Do you think I want to shackle you in a gilded cage now that you’re here? No, the beauty of a bird is when it’s free, not when its song is echoing among cold walls.”

This time you can’t help it, tears do gather in your eyes and you step away from him, turning your back to the man who somehow managed to prod at your scars and make them hurt but in a way you never experienced before. You take a big gulp of your wine and pause when you feel Astarion’s hand on your shoulder.

“I know how you feel, darling. I know. Who can understand the pain of a former slave better than another such slave. But your past still weights on you and I want nothing more than to mend your clipped wings.” as he speaks Astarion leans closer to your ear, whispering gently, then he pauses to press a kiss to the back of your neck. “So no, I won’t cage you if you’re worried about that.” he keeps whispering and this time moves just enough to look at the side of your face. His unoccupied hand slides around your waist, and your back is brought against his chest gently and carefully. “I just want you to be with me. Do you want that?”

You turn your head to look at him, managing to tame your tears and not let them spill down your face then you swallow heavily, struggling against the knot at the back of your throat, but you nod, feeling how your heart fills with so much emotion once you do.

“Then tell me, little assassin. Tell me you want to be with me, tell me you want to be my consort and let me show you just how much I need you.”

A pause as you both look at each other, as you explore your emotions like it’s a puzzle to be solved, looking for doubts, for fears, for anything that will make you step away, but you find nothing.

This is what you want and you will take the risks, whatever they are.

“Make me yours, Astarion.” you whisper and Astarion’s eyes leave yours to land on your lips, then he presses a brief kiss there.

“Then trust me.”

With that he releases you and gently takes away your glass, momentarily stepping away to put it and his own on the nearest table, then he turns back to you and offers you his hand. You glance at it, then at his face, seeing nothing but soft emotion displayed there. If you don’t love him yet, you know that you will soon.

So you take his hand and your heart feels light instead of heavy, opposite of what you felt when you came to the mansion just earlier, as you walked the corridors, even when you entered this bedroom. No, you want this and everything that comes with it.

Astarion smiles when he gently clutches your fingers and he leads you across the bedroom to the bed, then turns to you once again and pulls you into his arms, pressing a heated kiss to your lips. You return his passion, your fingers finding his waist and pulling him as close as possible against your body. You feel your heart beat heavily in your chest and you exhale when Astarion separates from your lips, beginning to trail open mouth kisses along your jawline.

“You will never hurt again, I promise.” he whispers passionately and you let yourself be held, feeling his lips trail lower, on your neck, his tongue searching for your pulse and stopping there when he finds it. “I’ll make sure that no one ever hurts you again.”

You believe him. Not because you are now aware of the power he can wield, but because of how he says it – with such utter conviction that it dismisses last trails of doubt that were lingering over your mind like shadows right as dawn comes, fragile and weak.

“I know.” you answer with a whisper and Astarion raises his head then smiles in such a way that it makes you smile in return.

“Good. You won’t have to worry about anything ever again. You will be my consort, free to do anything and to be anyone.” with a finger he traces a line against your bottom lip and you see the passion blazing in his eyes, then he kisses you again, letting his fingers wander to your clothes and to your shirt, which he quickly proceeds to unbutton.

While he does that you kiss him back and let your own hands wander, undoing his coat and sliding it off his shoulders which gets quickly followed by your shirt. Astarion pauses then, releasing your lips from the heated kiss to find the end of your strophium and begin to undo it. You lift your arms and let him proceed until the soft leather is spooled around your feet.

“Primitive.” Astarion gives you a glance with a smile and you raise an eyebrow, amused by the comment but smile in return.

“Functional.” you correct him and Astarion chuckles, letting the leather drop from his fingers before he cups your breasts and puts his face in between them, inhaling your scent.

You slightly blush and pause as he does this, watching the vampire give more open mouth kisses to the mounds that his hands have formed, leaving wet trails of his tongue when he stops to suck at one nipple, then another, and then his face is in front of yours again before your lips are captured with his.

Your fingers proceed to work on Astarion’s shirt and quickly it follows rest of the garments to the floor. Breaking away from his lips, you trail your palms over his chest and lean in, kissing his collarbone, feeling him gently cradle your head as you do, as you raise to his neck, giving it a playful bite and making him chuckle again.

“I’ll have to teach you that we ask before we bite. But that can wait. First-“ he says playfully and releases your head, now working on straps of your pants, then you are forced to stop your affectionate kisses because he kneels right in front of you and lifts his face up. “Do you really want to be with me, forever?” Astarion asks and you notice a slight hint of worry in his features.

Smiling, you reach to his chin and gently hold it as you look deeply into his sanguine eyes.

“Yes, Astarion, I do want to be with you.” you hope that this is enough to reassure him at last and it looks like it is because he smiles and leans in, pressing his lips to your stomach ever so briefly before he suddenly yanks your pants downwards, making you yelp from surprise and then laugh.

“Then let’s have some fun. On your last night alive.” he gives you a playful look and you let his silver curls wrap around your fingers as you push them into his hair, then you help him take off your shoes and rest of your clothes.

As you stand completely naked in front of him, Astarion presses his palms on the sides of your thighs and slides them up until he reaches your hips. His eyes keep wandering over your form like he’s trying to memorize every detail about you.

“Perfect…” he whispers and then dips his head towards you, his tongue finding your soaked folds and making you gasp.

Your fingers clench in his hair and you bite on your lower lip as you feel his hot tongue lap at your cunt with devotion of a worshipper, his fingers hold your hips tightly and don’t let you move, making you stand still while he’s tasting you like you’re the sweetest nectar. After a moment or two you begin to moan softly and Astarion continues for a while longer, the tip of his tongue working against the sensitive nub of your clit, making you shiver. When he finally leans back you are slightly out of breath and your face is flushed.

“Go to bed.” Astarion whispers as he licks his lips and lets go of your hips.

You nod, turning and taking few remaining steps to the bed. You trace your fingertips over the white silk sheets until you hear Astarion walk to you and then his naked chest presses against your back, his hard erection finding its temporary resting place in the cleft of your rear and his hands are on your shoulders as he leans in and kisses your neck again.

You feel him grind his length against you and it makes you even more aroused as pressure against your back makes you lean slightly over the bed.

“Like this.” Astarion whispers against your skin then he leans just enough to grab your thigh and guide your knee over the edge of the bed, giving you more stability. “Stay just like this.”

You exhale and then moan when you feel vampire’s mouth return to the side of your neck, the hand that guided your leg now slips between them from the front and his fingertips tease your folds while his other hand grabs your waist to keep you exactly how he wants you to stay. At first it’s easy but then his fingers make your back arch from pleasure and you have to support yourself with one hand on the edge of the bed. You want to say something, not even sure what, but before you can you feel the piercing sting of fangs in your neck. You gasp and your eyes snap open as Astarion swallows couple gulps of your blood.

“Don’t worry, I’m not turning you just yet. Right now it’s about pleasure.” he reassures you with a whisper and this time you feel his fangs in your shoulder, making you moan instead of yelp.

“You’re confident this is pleasurable.” you tease with a smile even though your eyes are heavy lidded from lust and you move your other hand behind you and over your own shoulder, finding the back of Astarion’s head and pushing your fingers into his hair again, encouraging him to continue.

Astarion playfully scoffs at your words and his fingers part your folds for a moment, then he pushes two of them inside of you.

“I’m confident because your body does not lie, love.” the vampire teases when you moan and the wet sound of his digits working your core fill your ears, only making his words more true.

“My body and I may not agree sometimes.” you can’t help but chuckle and you try to look at him, quickly being met with his crimson glowing gaze and a smirk on his bloody lips.

“Then I have to make sure that both are in harmony with each other.” he says and makes you mewl when the fingers are removed from your body, making you crave for him to fill that emptiness immediately.

“Astarion…” you whisper and feel him reach deeper between your legs as he moves his hips away from you for a second, then guides the tip of his weeping cock at your entrance with his fingers, his gaze locked on yours.

“This - for eternity. You moaning my name...”

And with that he thrusts himself into your cunt, making you cry out and grip his hair tighter in response. His fingers, now done with their task, find your hip and grip it tightly as he begins to thrust deep and hard. Astarion’s eyes quickly become clouded with passion as he looks at you and he gives you a brief kiss.

“Open that pretty mouth of yours and let me hear you.” he says with an already audible strain in his voice and you briefly bite the tip of your tongue before he drives a particularly deep thrust into you, making you moan before you can even think of allowing or stopping yourself. “There we go, perfect.” he smirks and kisses the side of your neck again, lapping at the blood that seeped out of the bite mark he left there just moments earlier.

You hold onto his head and keep yourself up with a palm and a knee on the edge of the bed but you don’t know how long you will be able to stay like this as Astarion pounds into you, making you moan with his every thrust, making your body shiver and your back arch as if on command. You feel your climax approaching and you give into the feeling before Astarion suddenly stops, making your last moan falter on your lips.

“Huh?” you ask while panting and get even more confused when you feel his length leave your sopping cunt with a wonderfully wanton sound, making your arousal leak and smear against your inner thigh of the leg that’s still on the floor.

“Get into bed.” Astarion instructs with huskiness in his voice and you have to pause for a moment, trying to make your mind comprehend his words, but when you finally understand you let go of his head and climb into the bed on all fours.

You feel him climb in after you and with one hand he guides you to lie on your side, then makes you move onto your back as he crawls on top, his knee pushing your leg apart and leaving you spread for him. Unceremoniously he thrusts into you again the moment he’s in position and you cry out, grasping at his back and feeling the scars there. Astarion lowers his head and drags his tongue over your nipple before speaking again.

“Just a little longer, love, for me.” he breathes against your skin but you can’t stop yourself from wrapping your legs around his hips, locking your ankles on the small of his back, urging him to go faster, deeper, harder.

“Astarion, I-“

You yelp when his teeth pluck at your nipple and then graze your neck in a span of couple seconds. You lean your head back for him, feeling Astarion’s fangs on the other side of your neck, the one that doesn’t have his bite mark yet, and your nails dig into the skin between the markings on his back as you urge him.

“There, there…” Astarion responds with a strained moan of his own, his thrusts quickly becoming erratic as he chases his own climax, timing it with yours. “Let go, my love.” you feel him panting against your lips, a pleasurable sigh so hot against your skin when it leaves his throat and you finally do let go.

You are sure you cry out his name when your bliss takes you, when your body wraps tightly around his, your cunt clenching on his cock and urging him to spill himself within you, which Astarion does the moment he hears his name like a prayer on your lips. You hear him moan your name too, first against your lips, then into the crook of your neck as he lowers his head for last few thrusts.

When he stops and your body begins to relax, you remain still, clinging to him for as long as you can as you gasp for air and try to return from whenever this feeling of overwhelming pleasure took you.

“You’re so beautiful.” you hear Astarion whisper and you smile, finally unclenching your thighs and releasing his hips. At the same time you gently stroke his back, scars and all.

“Am I?” you open your eyes and smile, feeling sweat on both of your bodies quickly cooling.

“You are. And you will be beautiful forever.” Astarion lifts his head, his curls sticking to his forehead. His smile is gentle and relaxed when he lifts his upper body from you and looks down upon you. “Do you still want to be mine?” he asks and you know exactly why he asks – one last chance for you to change your mind. Somehow, this time you know that if you did exactly that, he would let you walk away. The feeling of this knowledge is comforting and perhaps it’s the last thing you needed to truly, fully make peace with your decision, with what is about to happen, with the transformation that will change your life forever.

“Yes. I want to be yours. Your lover and your consort.” you feel weird saying the last word, you didn’t imagine yourself in a position like this, you were always sure that you will forever dwell underground with other society’s undesirables. But Astarion wants to elevate you from that, you can see that in his eyes even now, you could hear it in his words when he spoke to you about freedom just earlier.

You want him.

“Thank you.” he suddenly says and the small smile you had disappears as you look at him with mild confusion. “Thank you for trusting me and giving everything that you are to me.” he says and with that he leans to your neck again.

The sharp, piercing pain is not unpleasant when his fangs pierce your skin one more time and you hear yourself inhaling sharply only because this bite is stronger than before. Astarion moves his body, pulling out of you in the process so that he can cradle you in his arms as you listen to him gulping down your life’s blood with greedy swallows. At first your fingers cling to his sweaty back, but then you begin to feel your grip loosening until you don’t have strength anymore to keep your hands up.

As your arms fall to the bed next to you and the canopy over above you begin to blur, you realize you don’t have a shadow of doubt. You trust him, even if dying feels scary right now.

Before darkness consumes your mind and vision, one last thing you feel is Astarion’s arms holding you firmly against him and the weight of his body on top of yours, as if he’s shielding you. And then…

…nothingness.

“This is my beloved consort, that I wanted to introduce to you all as soon as possible!” Astarion’s voice is loud as it booms through the ballroom of his palace. His hand is around your waist, a palm resting on your rear possessively.

He picked the dress for you, fancier even among the dresses you had bought yourself when you work for richest patriars. A wonderful piece of black and blue made from velvet and chiffon, all embroidered with golden threads. A dress made to match the outfit Astarion himself is wearing.

You have a hand on his shoulder as you gaze upon those that gathered tonight. Your Lord gave you exactly three days to adjust to your new state of being and you suspect only because sending invitations to infernal allies and dark associates takes time despite the speed of magical means. He was burning with desire to show you off the moment you woke up after your death, pride brimming in every word he spoke to you since then. And now as you stand by him, still trying to adjust to the feeling of fangs in your mouth and the strange hunger that is lingering just beneath the surface of fullness, your eyes sweep over the see of faces, so different but also so alike in many ways.

This is going to be your life from now on.

And it makes you excited.

“Isn’t she beautiful?” Astarion asks the guests and most of them cheerfully agree. Who would in their right minds disagree with the Vampire Ascendant after all, especially while they’re in his domain.

“Stop bragging.” you turn to whisper in his ear with a smile and Astarion looks at you with a grin that would look evil if you didn’t know him better already.

“Let them see what they cannot have. You, my dark consort.” Astarion makes you turn to him chest to chest and you feel his palms find positions on your lower back and between your shoulder-blades as he looks into your eyes so deeply it’s like he’s trying to read your thoughts. “You’re mine, forever. I don’t want anyone to forget that, little love.” he says with such determination it warms your unbeating heart.

You smile and caress his cheek gently, feeling wonderful warmth under your touch, then he leans in and presses a kiss so fierce against your lips that it makes you bend backwards, and you would fall if not for his strategically placed hands. You chuckle and kiss him back, then you hear some applauds, not quite sure how to feel about those, but when Astarion breaks away from the kiss, he looks into your eyes once again.

“The most beautiful red I have ever seen. Prettier than blood itself.” he whispers, making you smile softly at him, and then he helps you straighten your back, once again turning to the crowd.

You glance at the faces again, noticing that they are seem curious about you, or maybe this union between you and Astarion overall, but it matters none. Who are they to judge your happiness now that you finally have it?

Then with one hand Astarion gestures widely over the crowd with a big, arrogant grin on his face and speaks loudly again:

“Let’s celebrate!”

[centrally-unplanned]

I watched the Scott Pilgrim anime! I was deeply ambivalent, which I am sure is a shock to no one who knows me and saw it lol. I think I have a sequence of thoughts, so I will tackle the obvious one first to get it out of the way: Marketing, Adaptation, & Genre Drift in Scott Pilgrim Takes Off

Starting from top, if you don’t know, the Scott Pilgrim anime is not an adaptation of the original source material, but an alternate history version of the events where the titular Scott isn’t present for the majority of the episodes and Ramona Flowers is the main character. Which has been controversial! Not…amazingly controversial or anything, this is an extremely low stakes scenario and from my analysis the majority of people liked it. But controversial enough to get insufferable Kotaku articles “explaining the backlash” which don’t explain the backlash well. Let me see if I can do a better job - its fun to set low bars for yourself to clear after all.

The backlash starts with the marketing; really just the professional drama-trolls would have objected beyond an initial reaction to Netflix announcing Ramona Flowers vs the World; as a concept it makes a ton of sense, and it is essentially what they actually did (well, we will get into that). But that is not how it was sold:

“Join Scott in his fight for love, life, and rock!” I’d love to, still waiting for the invite! This is the first teaser for the show, and if you do a quick “frame count” it pretty equally privileges Scott & Ramona both, but Scott is still on top and it deliberately hides any sense that it is an alternate timeline. It even has this screenshot as one of its final moments:

Which I am pretty sure does not appear in the actual anime! If it does its in some flashback alt-timeline scene in a later episode, not its implied context (in the actual episode Scott ‘loses’ this fight). I can show more evidence - casting the original cast of the movie to make it seem like a ‘recreation’, statements by O’Malley where he plays deliberately coy with the idea of how similar it's going to be, and so on - but I think I don’t have to, because it was intentional, you don’t have to read the tea leaves on this. The bait-and-switch is part of the marketing, not an accident from it.

That is the step 1: people are thrown about being deceived. The step 2 is simple - this is a deception about an adaptation. I am someone who constantly complains about shows sacrificing cohesion & storytelling for “the twist”, but its too common these days to be that mad over it in a mass way. My designated punching bag over at Kotaku points this out:

This is a recurring theme for metatextual work like Final Fantasy VII Remake and the Rebuild of Evangelion films: initially they’re presented as retellings of beloved stories, only for it to become clear at some later point that they’re going to take more than a few liberties and tell a different story entirely.

The difference here is that FFVII and Evangelion are remakes, not adaptations. FFVII is a video game being made into a video game again; Evangelion is a tv show + movie being made into a movie series. The FFVII decision was controversial, but fundamentally you can just go back and play the original game; fucking everyone hated the idea of the Evangelion rebuilds being remakes because that is pointless, the originals have aged amazingly, and they had to deviate to justify their existence (they failed at that, but a story for another time). Meanwhile, Scott Pilgrim is a comic, that has never been a TV series, or an anime. There is the movie, but did you know a bunch of comic fans hate the movie? You see a lot of comments like these all the time (from a discourse reddit thread debating the new show):

Personally, I thought it was fun. I agree with a lot of your complaints honestly, but I don’t understand how you liked the movie? I can’t stand the movie because I feel like the characters are all flat, especially Ramona who has absolutely no personality at all.

I disagree btw, the movie is great, but it is a loose adaptation - hell it was released before the final volume of the graphic novels was finished, it has a different ending! A short, cohesive movie could never adapt a long-form, episodic graphic novel. And its live action, stylistically very different. So this TV show was both branded as, and was expected to fulfill a demand for, a first “real” adaptation of the comic, that people wanted. The fact that Evangelion deviated in its remake is a poor comparison. Questioning that people want full adaptations of works they enjoy isn’t really worth our time.

Now I personally don’t care about the above two - I am explaining the debate, but they aren’t problems for me. Step 3 is where I start caring - I think Ramona Flowers vs the World is a great idea. They thought they made that, and I wish they had. But in the process of telling the bait-and-switch of the story, they also bait-and-switched the genre. There is this great quote from O’Malley about the original graphic novel’s story from an interview (whose headline we will revisit in another post, don’t you worry):

Yeah, I mean, when I was writing Scott Pilgrim the first time, I just wanted to come up with a very simple story engine: fight, fight, fight, get to the end. That gave me something to hang all this other stuff on, all this slice of life hanging out in Toronto.

Its such a nice summation of what Scott Pilgrim is - the fighting against the evil exes? Its all sizzle and jokes, none of it matters. Its a plot device to structure the real story, which is a slice-of-life romance drama, coming-of-age narrative, and extremely intimate portrait of Toronto’s scene of indie music venues and hipster coffee shops. The joke is that Scott is dealing with all this crazy video game/anime shenanigans on top of actually having to navigate very grounded past emotional damage and present challenges of adulthood. The heart of the comic is not the fight scenes, some of which literally happen in the background while other characters are talking, but scenes of a group of friends hanging out at 11:00 PM at a dive Korean restaurant:

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off meanwhile is not built around this cast. Its built around a mystery plot and Ramona Flower’s evil exes, who she is investigating, and Scott Pilgrim, uh, checks notes travelling to the future and fighting his …aged enraged alternate self from the original timeline…? Anyway, Ramona’s evil exes are mainly joke characters, comic reliefs who engage in crazy shenanigans. Half of the episodes are structured around them, and their episodes are filled with extended comedy bits and very-long fight scenes. Episode two has a 13 minutes long fight scene between two of them, including build-up, over control of the League of Evil Exes. Hell, they don’t even live in Toronto - a ton of the new anime takes place in New York City and a bit in California. The comic meanwhile has panels just…explaining locations in Toronto sometimes:

Listing the hours of operation, its so cute! The anime has no time for this in between its sci-fi plots and fight scenes, and its far cheaper for it.

The decision to focus on shallow characters like Ramona’s exes is downstream of the decision to focus on Ramona without Scott -besides the exes the rest of the characters are Scott’s friends, who Ramona gets to know through him. Which is the final point here - who are the characters people love from Scott Pilgrim?

All of Scott’s friends ofc. Characters like Lucas Lee are memes, not people. Obviously Kim Pine, Young Neil, Knives Chau and so on appear in the anime. Sometimes they have great scenes - like the adorable scene of Knives & Kim playing music together, Knives’s first time really trying to jam:

Which goes absolutely nowhere from a character perspective - Knives & Kim barely interact after this. It sets up Knives doing a comedy-meta musical for the plot, sure…but that’s boring in comparison to real emotional connections, Knives doesn't have an arc. But they can’t have more, because our main character Ramona Flowers doesn’t know these people; she wouldn’t just hang out with them, and she is busy with her mystery investigation. She sees them when she needs them for plot reasons. Kim and Knives and Stephen Stills are much flatter this time around (Julie, to her credit, kicks ass in this one).

Obviously I could point out that Scott & Ramona’s relationship in the anime, given that they have literally one date before Scott vanishes, has no depth to it, but that is easy. The funniest way to summarize this character issue is if you check the tags on Tumblr right now, you are going to be awash in Scott/Wallace shipping posts. Like I swear, at times its straight(?)-up 50% of the posts going on, its a rabid gay horde out there lusting for this sugar daddy/baby dynamic. Which makes sense, they have so much sexual tension & emotional depth as friends…in the comic. In the anime they barely know each other! Wallace hates Scott and interacts with him maybe a half dozen times, primarily to tell him to move out, then does his own shit. This is all people projecting comic!Scott/Wallace onto the current show.

There are more downstream consequences of these decisions & other issues (like the overdone meta elements, or abandoning most of the indie-music aesthetic) but this has gone on long enough. The point is that telling a different version of the story would actually be fine. It would disappoint some fans, sure, but if done well you would likely win them around. Hell, the original comic’s ending kind of sucks, good time to polish some things. But if you change the main character and the genre and the cast focus and all the character dynamics…at a certain point its just its own new story now. A story irrevocably tied to the old one, but not about any of the things the old one cared about. I think you can see why that would be a harder sell than Ramona Flowers vs the World, even if it was a good zany action comedy anime in its own right. You will get backlash from this level of drift - and you will deserve it.

Also fuck Lisa am I right? Jeez, 0 out of 2 for moving picture adaptations. What you get for being blonde I guess.

[dbnightingale24]

Wounded Dog, New Tricks

A Follow Up ‘Pavlov’s Dog’

~~

Part 2

~~

I’m sorry this took so long! My life is crazy right now. I'm getting married in two weeks, and there’s still so much more to be done! Thank you so much for waiting patiently for part 2 of ’Pavlov's Dog’ !! As always, thank you to @fuckingbye for the amazing moodboard! (As well as helping to plan both of my weddings, cause I'd be lost without you!) (Also, for being my bridesmaid) (Basically, you’re superwoman and I adore you)

Lets get to it!

Word Count: 36,221 words (it’s me, what do you expect?)

Warnings: SMUT (MINORS DNI! 18+ ONLY), Public Sex, Daddy Kink, Degrading Kink, Angst, Heartbreak, Drinking, Arguing, FLUFF, Swearing, Depression, Anxiety Attack, Violence (only a little),  I’m pretty sure that’s everything...

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: Just For A Second It All Felt Simple

I do not give consent/permission for my works/stories to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

~~

“I don’t get why you’re so mad at me for getting some fucking blankets and cushions,” Ransom scowls as you two enter your new house.

Daisy’s gonna kill you for letting him be the first one to spend any real time with you in your house.

“I don’t-”

“I’m already about to have the most honest and uncomfortable talk I’ve ever had with anyone, I at least wanna be comfortable.”

“And the blankets? It’s practically Summer.”

“Think of it as a housewarming present.”

“Who says I want one from you?”

“Y/N,” he growls and you roll your eyes.

“You don’t get to be fucking annoyed with me for a while,” you snap as you take your wine bottles out of the shopping bag, along with wine glasses and a bottle opener.

You made him stop at the liquor store before heading over to sign the papers. You knew it wasn’t in your best interest to have this particular conversation with him while drinking, but it’s not something you can handle 100% sober. Ransom got his own bottle of bourbon, then he stopped at Bed, Bath, and Beyond to get drinking glasses and minimal furniture (blankets, towels, sofa and pillow cushions, and a comforter). You protested, but he told you to be quiet while he took out his card and paid for everything.

You didn’t speak to him for the entire ride to your new house.

“We’re not gonna get anywhere if you’re gonna be a bitch this entire time,” he mutters as he pours himself a glass a tall glass of bourbon.

“Then you can fucking leave right now.”

“Jesus, I know you hate me and have every right to, but can you just try to be patient with me?!” he questions, clearly frustrated and you know he has a point.

You let out a sigh before throwing a cushion on the floor and sitting down, “you’re right and I’m sorry. I agreed to this and I should at least be agreeable.”

“I’m sure you’re gonna yell at me, but if you...I know I don’t deserve any grace and patience from you, but if you could just...let me get it out before you decide you hate me forever, I’d appreciate it.”

“That’s fair,” you shrug before taking a sip of your wine. “Start from the beginning.”

“From the beginning,” he scoffs before taking a long drink from his glass, “as if you don’t know.”

“I don’t know-”

“Jesus Y/N, you know you do. Everything I said wasn’t a lie and you know good and damn well what parts I’m talking about, but if you want to start from the incident with Tommy, we can. I wasn’t expecting you to stick up for me, but you did and that’s honestly what set all of this in motion. Since the first time I laid eyes on you, I was in love with you, and from that moment...I couldn’t get you out of my head. Yeah, you broke the fucking rules because you spoke to me first-”

“What fucking rule is that?!”

“Oh c’mon! We were kids! What the fuck was I supposed to tell you?! I didn’t fucking talk to anyone, and here you were asking me if I was okay! We stared at each other all the damn time, but both of us was too shy to say anything, and then you-”

“You needed a friend!”

“I wasn’t ready for you!” he defends before taking a deep breath and then a sip of his drink. “I just...no one ever defended me. Not even in my own fucking family. I didn’t know what to say, so I just ran, and I kept running. You were so fucking nice, all the time, and what the hell was I supposed to do with that? You were like some mythical fucking...anyway, I-”

“No, if we’re gonna talk about this, you’re gonna-”

“Y/N-”

“Then go home, Ransom. I didn’t do this to us, you did!”

He takes a deep breath before finishing off his drink and pouring himself another, “by the time we were in the 3rd grade, I knew I’d never be enough. You just seemed like an impossible dream. If anything, I thought I’d lost out when I saw you and Daisy becoming so fucking close, because how much room can you have for fucked up people? As time went on, I never thought you’d go for me, and I knew I wasn’t ready for you, so I just fucking stayed away. What else was I supposed to do? You never spoke to anyone unless you had to, and I didn’t even know what to say to you, so I just said nothing. I didn’t acknowledge you, I didn’t go to your birthday parties, and I sure as shit didn’t go to your graduation party...I always thought I had time to get my shit together. Then Jack came along and fucked everything up.”

“Good old Jack,” you scoff, finishing off your drink and pouring yourself another.

“He just...I knew the bet was stupid when I made it, okay? He was so fucking arrogant about it though, and it was only because he figured out I had a thing for you. I thought you’d say no, cause you’re too smart for that shit, but Jack’s a good fucking liar. He gets it from his fucking dad. I honestly didn’t care about losing the fucking money, I cared more about you staying with him, and that’s exactly what fucking happened. What’s fucking worse is that he genuinely did start to care about you. Yes, the smug son of a bitch loved to rub it in my face, but he wasn’t bullshitting you entirely. He did try. He tried to not cheat, he tried to actually be presentable...he tried, and that only made you fall harder. That piece of shit only asked me to be his best man to be a prick, but pride wouldn’t let me turn it down. I wanted to fucking say something. When the fucking priest asked if anyone objected, I wanted to scream, but you were so fucking happy. You were so happy and you looked gorgeous, so I said nothing, because if there’s anyone who deserved to be happy, it’s you. My pride and my bullshit didn’t matter, so I just didn’t fucking say anything and I got fucked up,” he sighs before downing his drink and quickly pouring himself another, while you just sat there and dried your eyes while taking a long drink from your glass.

“Then he started cheating. Only took the little fuck three months, but he was still faking like he was the man you fell in love with. At first, he felt bad and he would tell me about how he wants to be better, but the more he got away with it, the less he started to care. Then, you left and that almost scared him straight. However, the fact that your precious parents bullied you into going back...it only made him more arrogant. Then he started with the fucking bragging and it pissed me the fuck off. How could he not understand how fucking good he had it? You’re the only person in this whole fucked up world we live in that’s actually worth a damn. I would pick arguments that were dumb as hell, just to have a way to yell at him for treating you like shit. That’s when the prick got cocky. He kept saying that he could do whatever the fuck he wants, because there’s no way you’d ever leave him. We were out one night, and he’d just gotten back from getting a blowjob from some whore, when he told me that I couldn’t even get you.

So, that’s when the second bet happened. I know, okay? Don’t fucking give me that look,” he scowls as you glower at him while taking a drink from your glass, almost finishing it. “It’s not lost on either of us that I’m a fucking asshole, so you can’t really be all that surprised that I took the fucking bet. I figured I could get you and the money, and everything would be fine. For as long as I’ve wanted you, needed you, and loved you, I knew it wouldn’t be hard for me to win your love. Yes, I left out the bet, but I didn’t fucking lie to you. Everything I said was true. My feelings weren’t fake. We’ve had a lot of talks about a lot of things that make me look like a pile of shit, and I was honest about all of it. I swear I was gonna tell you everything after your birthday party, and I knew I’d have hell to pay, but it was going to be okay. You loved me, I loved you, you could finally see that it was genuine, then fucking Jack...piece of shit knew what he was doing. Beside the fact that he knew he was losing you, he fucking called while we were in Chicago. Technically, I broke the rules of the bet-”

“Oh, you two had rules? That’s cute,” you laugh humorlessly as you refill your glass. “What were your rules about fucking me over?”

“Sweetheart-”

“What the fuck were they, Ransom?!”

He takes a deep breath before pouring his own drink and looking away from you, “I wasn’t supposed to wine and dine you, it was supposed to be purely sex-”

“Because you guys needed to see how much of a whore I am, or if I’m one at all.”

“Baby, that’s not-”

“What were the rest?” you mutter, sipping your wine.

“I couldn’t tell you that I love you,” he sighs, “I obviously couldn’t tell you about the bet, and I couldn’t tell you about tell you about all of the shady shit Jack was doing behind your back.” “Of course.”

“Oh, come on! I at least I told you about all the shit he was doing-”

“SO YOU COULD GET YOUR $40,000!”

“That’s not...I love you. I have always loved you. Even without the fucking bet, I would’ve told you. I didn’t say anything at that fucking wedding because he had cleaned up his act. I just wanted you to be happy, and you’re right, we are all a group of shitheads. The money shouldn’t have been brought into this, but you’re not just another Marta to me. You are the only person in this world that I want to do right by. You think I would’ve gone to that fucking bar and beat the shit out of Jack if this was all a fucking game to me?”

He had you there. Ransom never stuck his neck out for anyone unless it was for his own personal gain. He knew how much you didn’t want him to fight Jack, and did it anyway, knowing it could all blow up in his face.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Ransom. I really don’t.”

“I want, I need us to go back to how we were!”

“That’s not fucking happening!” you laugh before taking a sip of your wine. “Nothing can ever be how it was!”

“Why not?! I’ve been honest-”

“You still fucking lied to me, Ransom! You lied and had no problem-”

“It’s not that I didn’t have a problem-”

“You decided that the money was more important than telling me-”

“Cause fuck Jack!”

“UGH!” you scream, getting up and walking out of the room, full wine glass in hand.

“Where the fuck are you going?!”

“I don’t know! I don’t feel like looking at your stupid face anymore!”

Stupid face? Yeah, you’re buzzed.

“Stop it, Y/N,” he growls, following after you as you storm into the kitchen.

“Stop what, exactly?! You’re not in my position!”

“I love you!”

“What does that mean to me?! At the end of the day, even if I do believe you, you went after me over a fucking bet!”

“I told you that I’m sorry!”

“That doesn’t make it hurt any less! You’ve probably been fucking your feelings away-”

“No I haven’t!”

“Bullshit!”

“You think I’m gonna lie to you about that?! I’ve become a fucking laughing stock, Y/N! I used to fuck whoever, whenever, and now I’m just waiting for you like a fucking idiot!”

“I don’t know why you’re waiting for me, because-”

“Because I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU!” he shouts and let out an exasperated sigh before taking a sip of wine and running your other hand through your hair.

“You used me like a fucking toy, Ransom. I was a bet in some stupid game for revenge.”

“I’m sorry, I am. I’ll never fucking-”

“Even if you don’t do it again, how am I supposed to trust you? How am I supposed to know that you aren’t keeping things from me?”

“Because I love you.”

“You keep saying that like it means something to me!”

“It means something to me! Do you know how many times I’ve told a woman that I fucking love her?! NONE! Jesus, I didn’t take the fucking money, I’ve been texting and calling you every day for the last month-”

“I DIDN’T FUCKING LIE TO YOU!” you scream at him, finally letting the tears you’ve been holding back fall. “I miss you, Ransom. I miss you so much and it hurts because you...God, I fucking trusted you against my better judgement and you painfully showed me that I was wrong! You knew all of the shit that I was going through with Jack, and you still did this! For as much as you love me, it wasn’t enough for you to be upfront with me! You broke all of the fucking rules except telling me that it was a fucking bet, because you wanted the fucking money!”

“Y/N-”

“And now you’re standing here, as if I’m the one being unreasonable, while I’m trying to figure out all of this shit! I love you so damn much and I don’t want to! I don’t want to think about you every day and miss you every night! I don’t want you to be on my mind all the damn time! That doesn’t change the fact that I do! I want nothing more than to believe everything you’re saying and take you back, but it’s not that fucking simple! All of this is so fucking complicated...you two did this! You two decided that it would be more fun to play games and bet money-”

“It wasn’t a game!”

“That’s exactly what it was! You made a bet to see if I would stay with my husband or if you could win my affection! It was a game!”

“It wasn’t a game to me! I have always loved you!”

“But the love you felt wasn’t enough for you not to hurt me like this,” you sob.

“Y/N, I will do anything you want. Anything. You can have the passwords to all my devices, you can randomly come by my house or my job-”

“It’s not enough, Ransom.”

“Then what is?!”

“I don’t know,” you answer softly, trying to fight back more tears. “I don’t know if anything will be-” “No, don’t say that. I know I fucked up, and it was a major fuck up, but I swear you’re not a fucking joke to me! I know I lied and it was for all the wrong reasons, but that’s the only thing I lied about! I love you!”

“I love you too, Ransom,” you sigh before finishing off your wine. “I honestly don’t know what to tell you, because I just don’t know. I know...I know that you care, and I believe you when you tell me that you love me...but Ransom, you keep saying that you only lied once, but that lie is the only reason you pursued me! A $40,000 bet is the only reason you finally started talking to me! After knowing me for years! And yeah okay, fuck Jack, but what about me? You could’ve told me earlier, and while you definitely would’ve had to work much harder, I wouldn’t have walked away. Now-”

“I can work harder now!”

“The damage is already done, Ransom.”

“I need you, Y/N. I’ve never felt this way about anyone and I know I never will again. I promise to never fuck up like this again, but please...” he trails off, his voice breaking as he fights off his own tears. “I didn’t take the fucking money, Y/N.” “I just need time, Ransom.”

“How much?”

“I don’t know. After all that’s happened...I just don’t know. I love you and I miss you. God, I miss you so much, but this isn’t something I can just forgive because you’re sorry and you miss me. After Jack and all of the shit with my parents...I need time. I need to be alone for a while. I’m not saying that there’s not any hope for us, but right now...Ransom, if you want us to have any sort of chance, you have to give me time.”

“With time, will you take me back?”

You stay silent and he lets out a frustrated sigh.

“Yeah fine, lets get you back-”

“We’re not going anywhere,” you mumble, making your way back to the living area.

“What do you-”

“I’ve gone through almost an entire bottle of wine and you’ve had at least 4 or 5 glasses of bourbon. Neither of us are in any condition to drive.”

“You don’t expect us to stay here?! There’s no fucking-”

“Ransom, bitch about the furniture one more fucking time and we’re gonna have a problem.”

“If you expect us to spend the rest of the fucking day here, I’m ordering some fucking furniture.” “I don’t need you buying me fucking furniture! It won’t even be here today!”

“I don’t fucking care!” he yells, sitting on the floor, pouring himself another glass of bourbon, and taking out his phone.

It’s funny how easy you fall back into habit.

After two more glasses of wine, you’re cuddling up to him and telling him what furniture what you want. You two go back and forth about what would look good for the house but, in the end, you win because it’s your fucking house.

In the end, in all his spoiled rich boy glory, he’s able to get a bed (along with a bed frame), bed sheets, two sofas, and a few lawn chairs, and four TV’s delivered same day. All because he was told ‘no’, Ransom makes the bed frame people assemble the damn thing, and you feel bad. Ransom protests when you tip them, but you told him that it’s your house, so you’re the one calling all of the shots. For as much of a dick as he can be, all of the furniture to come (and that was delivered), is paid for by him.

There he goes, sweeping you off your feet again.

“We need food and chargers,” he mumbles, wrapping an arm around your waist.

“Would it really be so bad if our phones died? Would it be so terrible if we just ignored everyone for a while?” you sigh with a slur as you relax into him.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“I just hate everyone. With the exception of Daisy, everyone has been pissing me the fuck off. You know she had to destroy Jack’s car so he would finally sign the fucking papers?”

“That was her?!” Ransom laughs.

“That’s what he gets for showing up and yelling for me to talk to him.”

“Fuck him,” Ransom scowls before placing a soft kiss on your exposed shoulder.

You clear your throat before asking, “what do you want to eat?”

“What are you in the mood for?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I’m not choosing. Whenever I’m in charge of dinner, you want to argue-”

“I don’t fucking argue with you, Ransom. You just have shitty taste when it comes to certain foods.”

“That being said,” he scowls, “what do you wanna eat?”

“I don’t know,” you repeat with a shrug.

“Well, are you having a good day or a bad day?��

“It’s been okay, I guess.”

“Then lets get Gyros.”

“I hate how well you know me sometimes.”

“I know,” he laughs as you take out your phone.

Soon enough, you’re ordering everything from food to basic accessories.

“Why the fuck did you get candles?” Ransom laughs. “Your lights work just fine.”

“Because I wanted to,” you huff, only making him laugh harder.

“And the booze?”

“I’m out of wine and you’re going to be out of bourbon soon. If we’re gonna spend the night together, we’re gonna need the help.”

“Only you need the help.”

“So, you’re fine with us being completely alone together all night?”

“Babe, we could’ve sobered up hours ago. You chose not to.”

“That’s because being sober sucks right now.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry that I made it all that much more complicated for you.”

“I fell in love with you. It just is what it is.”

“I never wanted to hurt you. I truly didn’t.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.”

“I know, but I need you to know that.”

“I do, Ransom. I truly do, but it doesn’t change the fact that you still hurt me.”

“I know that ‘I love you’ doesn’t mean much right now, but I do love you. I will always love you.”

“Ransom-”

“What should be arriving first?” he sighs, his hold on you getting a little tighter as he slightly readjusts his position.

“I honestly have no idea,” you giggle softly. “I ordered everything around the same time. Why?”

“I can set up on of the TVs if you want.”

“Or if you want.”

“Well, what else are we gonna do?”

“We can talk.”

“What do we have to talk about?”

“What have you been up to?”

“Not much.” “Ransom-”

“I really haven’t, Sweet Thing. I’ve been missing you and that’s about it. There’s not really much else for me to do.” “There’s the company-”

“That’s-”

He’s interrupted by the doorbell and it almost sounds as if he’s letting out a sigh of relief. He lets go of you before slowly getting up and making his way to the front door.

What the hell is that about?

“Looks like the chargers and bullshit made it here first,” he laughs as he picks up the bags off your doorstep.

“I got you a charger too, ya know.”

“You’re the only one I want to talk to.”

“What about work?”

“What about it?”

“What if they call, Ransom?”

“I’m not worried about it. Where do you want all these damn candles?”

“Ransom-”

“Where do you want them, Sweet Thing?”

“What are you not telling me?”

“Where do you want them?”

“Ransom-”

“Another time. For now, where do you want these damn candles?”

“A few in here and some in the kitchen,” you sigh, pouring yourself another glass of wine.

Great.

“The toilet paper?”

“You don’t have to put everything away-”

“I want to.”

“Let me show you around then,” you mutter, getting up with your wine glass in hand (and wobbling a little), and leading the way.

The entire time you’re showing him around, you can feel his eyes on you intensely, and you know it’s not because he wants to make sure he doesn’t want to lose his way.

“Your ass looks great in those shorts,” he comments once you two reach your bedroom, pointing out the connecting bathroom where he can put the toilet paper.

“I didn’t wear them for you.”

“You also didn’t change for me.”

“It’s not my fault you’re missing out,” you shrug as show him the other two spare rooms.

“I thought you wanted me to be honest with you.”

“Ransom-”

“Have you been fucking anyone else?”

“Why does it matter?”

“You know that I’m not, I just figured we’d both just lay all our cards out on the table. Have you?”

“What if I have?”

“I’ll kill him,” he shrugs as if it’s not a big deal.

“Jesus, Ransom,” you scowl, closing the bathroom door after he puts two packs of toilet paper down.

“You still haven’t answered me,” he pushes as you two make your way back down the stairs.

“No Ransom, I haven’t been sleeping with anyone. I’ve barely gone out. I do my most of my work from home and I watch movies. That’s it,” you sigh as you reach the bottom step and make your way back into the living area.

“I can get a car service and we can go back to my place-”

“Stop it, Ransom.”

“Do you always have to be so hard headed?”

“Ransom...don’t.”

“You and I both want to-”

“It just complicates things that much more. Leave it alone,” you sigh as your phone buzzes. “Fuck.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Our order is gonna be delayed. They’re backed up.”

“Shit!”

“I should’ve ordered snacks.”

“At least you ordered a fuck ton of water.”

“Fuck you! You purchased me a water cooler-”

“That should’ve been here by now,” he scowls.

“You spent too much money on me. It’s not even your house.”

“It’s your house and I want you to have everything you want.”

“I’m not yours to take care of,” you mutter as you resume the spot you were in before.

Ransom says nothing. He just sits across from you and looks at you with those eyes.

You shouldn’t have said it. Ransom has always thought of you as his, so you telling him that you’re not his to worry about? Not good. It also doesn’t help that he’s all you’ve been dreaming of since the last time you saw him.

Mentally, emotionally...physically.

“Let me see your lighter so I can light these candles,” you mumble, trying to fight off those thoughts.

“You’re giving yourself away,” he smirks as he lights the candles.

If he’s gonna be smug about it, fuck him. Yeah, you’ve been drinking, so that’s pushing you to make this horrible decision, but fuck him.

“You like this tank top?” you ask seductively as you place your wine glass down.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what? It’s a simple question. You’re looking at me like you like it,” you shrug.

“Y/N-”

“My tits look amazing in it. At least, that’s what Daisy’s told me multiple times. Jack even said so too,” you continue as you get on your knees and crawl over to him.

“Don’t-”

“You’re the one who said I’m giving myself away,” you moan as you straddle him. “You don’t think you’ve made what you want obvious since the moment you showed up at Daisy’s door?” you ask as you unbutton his board shorts.

“I just wanted...shit!” he moans as you start stroking him.

“You just wanted what, Ransom?”

“Don’t. Don’t...shit!”

“Don’t what?”

“You know exactly what. You think I won’t pin you down and fuck you senseless?”

“Maybe it’s what I want, Ransom. Maybe it’s what I need,” you moan as you pick up your pace.

“You’re d-drunk,” he stutters and you know he’s close.

“If you want me to stop, I will.”

“You’re-”

“I want you, I know that you want me, and I don’t care that we’ve been drinking. You love me? Show me,” you plead.

“Fuck!” he moans as he cums hard.

“Looks like you made a mess and it’s my fault. Wanna teach me a lesson, daddy?”

Fucking alcohol.

Ransom’s hands are cupping your face instantly and he’s kissing you deeply. You finally feel whole again. No, you don’t want to give him false hope, but you weren’t lying when you told him that you miss him like crazy. You’ve missed his love, his laugh, his voice, his scent, his touch...all of him.

Even the spoiled and arrogant parts of him.

You’ve tried to find substitutions for his touch, but your own fingers and vibrator won’t do the trick, because you need him. His body pressed against yours, his breath against your neck, his voice while he’s fucking you like he’ll never see you again, and his fingers entangled in your hair...

You just need Ransom.

“Ransom,” you moan as he kisses down your body.

“I’ve needed you so much, Sweet Thing,” he husks as he unbuttons your shorts. “Needed you in so many ways!”

“I’ve needed you too, baby. I love you so much,” you whimper, adjusting yourself a little so he can get your shorts off of you.

“You’re wearing panties I got you?” he groans, taking note of the of the sheer light blue panties with little flowers embroidered in them that he purchased for you about two months before your birthday.

“I’m wearing the set,” you moan as you grind yourself against him.

“You’re gonna make me rip my own gift off of you?” he pouts and you laugh as you pull his shirt off.

“Fuck,” you sigh, running your hands across his expansive chest.

“Still like what you see?”

“I love it and I always will.”

“I need to be deep inside of you, sweetheart,” he grunts, ripping your tank top off. “Thought about nothing but you and loving you since the last time I saw you.”

“Take whats yours,” you beg softly.

Once again, you’re not lying. Even though you can’t trust him, you’re still his. You know for a fact that you’ll never love another the way you love Ransom. For all of his flaws, it’s clear that Ransom has always seen you for you. He sacrificed his own happiness because he wanted you to be happy, he’s never asked for more than you’re willing to give, and hes always taken care of you. Whether you just needed to cry, needed to be fucked, needed to be loved, or needed to be heard, he gave that to you without complaint or without wanting anything back in return.

Well, nothing except your love.

In one swift move, hes got you on your back and is ripping your bra off.

God, you missed him so much.

“Baby...please,” you whine as he kisses down your body at a painfully slow pace.

“You need it, sweetheart?” he teases before ripping your flimsy panties off of you.

“I always need it, Ransom. I always need you,” you confess breathlessly.

You barely have time to catch your breath as he buries his face between your legs. He pulls on your clit with his lips while easily sliding two fingers into your soaked cunt.

“Yes!” you cry out, grinding your cunt against his face.

His grunt of satisfaction only makes you even more desperate for him to fill you with his love. The sounds that are coming from between your legs should make you ashamed of yourself, but it’s not like you’re surprised. Ransom gets you excited by just looking at you. Finally having him like this again? You’re surprised you didn’t cum instantly.

“Baby...I’m so...fuck, Ransom! I need...oh God, YES!” you yell out, squirting hard and pulling on his hair a little harder than you meant to.

It’s not like he cares.

“Still so responsive to me,” he chuckles after cleaning up the mess he made. “You want me to fuck you, baby?” he asks before slowly starting to kiss up your body.

“No,” you moan and he stops instantly, “I want you to make love to me.”

“Sweet Thing-”

“I don’t care that nothing is resolved and we don’t know what the fuck is gonna happen tomorrow. I just need you to love me, please.”

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.”

Ransom continues his little trail up your body, stopping to lick and suck on each of your nipples, which are still covered so you whimper at the torturous pleasure, before his lips are finally on yours again.

“You sure you want this, sweetheart?” he husks as he strokes himself.

“Please, you don’t know how much...please, I need you so much,” you beg, sounding pathetic to your own ears, but you don’t care.

“I love you, Y/N,” he groans as he thrusts himself inside of you. “I love you so fucking much!”

“I just need you, Ransom! Only you!” you cry out as you wrap a leg around his waist, “Shit! You always...FUCK!”

“Feel so good, Sweet Thing!”

“Ransom...I’m so...been so long! You fill me up so...oh my GOD!”

“The way you’re clenching me...you need it, don’t you?”

“Please!” you sob, the pleasure becoming too much for you.

It’d been so long (as far as you’re concerned), you don’t even know how you’ve lasted this long.

“Give it to me, Sweet Thing! Give me all your-”

“FUCK!” you yell, gripping him tight as your orgasm washes over you and you squirt on him, more than likely making a mess on the floor.

You just got this fucking house for fucks sake.

“Jesus Y/N!” he growls into your neck as his own release overtakes him.

As you both lay there and try to catch your breaths, you faintly hear a knock on your door.

“I think our food is here,” you laugh.

“Or the fucking water cooler,” Ransom mumbles and you laugh even harder. “You hungry?”

“Only for you, baby,” you smile at him.

You and Ransom keep at it all night. It’s not lost on either of you that you need to eat, but after being so long without one another, food is the last thing you two are worried about.

“Fuck, keep it up, baby!” Ransom encourages as you continue to ride him.

“So full...Ransom...”

“Just one more time for me, please! Needed you...fuck! So fucking-” “Ransom...please! I need to...ah ah!”

“Make a mess, pretty baby! Cum for...ah fuck!”

“RANSOM!” you scream as you make a mess all over him.

“That’s my girl!” he groans as he fills you and you collapse on top of him.

“We’re a pair of true fucking idiots,” you murmur as Ransom lets out a full bodied laugh. “I miss you, Ransom.” “I miss you too, Sweet Thing.”

“I don’t know what the fuck to do...I just know that I want to be with you.” “I know you can’t right now, but you can trust me. I can be...you are the only person I’ll ever want. The only person I’ll ever need.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Sweet Thing. We should eat.”

“We should rest,” you laugh as you slowly get off of him, letting out a frustrated sigh when he’s no longer inside of you.

“Maybe I should spend the night inside that perfect little cunt,” he offers as you lay beside him.

“Fuck off,” you giggle while he gets up. “Where are you going?”

“Looks like buying those blankets was a good idea,” he chuckles, walking away and now it’s your turn to let out a full bodied laugh.

In the back of your mind, you know this is all drunken temporary fun, but for now you really don’t give a shit. Hell, you’ll take all the blame. You were the one that told him to come here, you got drunk knowing how you get around Ransom, you gave him the fucking handjob, and you begged him. When you get the third degree from Daisy tomorrow, you’re going to own up to everything.

No, this doesn’t fix everything and he knows that, but for now you feel better. You can pretend for now you’re in a house you own together, all of the shit that happened on your birthday didn’t, and that you both haven’t been hurting. For now, everything is perfect and as it should be.

“Ya know,” Ransom starts as he makes his way back in, “there is a bed upstairs.”

“Shut up and get your ass down here,” you giggle.

With an annoyed sigh, he does as he’s told, “so fucking bossy.”

“Says the man who bullied the store into having a bed and bed frame delivered and assembled today.”

“They shouldn’t have told me no,” he shrugs as he throws the comforter over the both of you.

“Spoiled little shit.”

“That you love.”

“Unfortunately so,” you sigh as you take the two water bottles he hands you, then resting your head on his chest.

So this is what it feels like to finally be home? It’s amazing.

“Sweetheart?” he calls softly as you start to drift off.

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for tonight. I missed you.”

“I love you, Ransom.”

“I love you,” he tells you softly before wrapping an arm around you and pressing a soft kiss into your hair. “Get some rest.”

Yeah, all of this is temporary, but for now? For now, it’s good enough.

**

Ransom’s P.O.V

“Don’t you have a fucking wife?” I slurred as Jack made his way over to the bar, smug fucking grin as he adjusted his pants.

The red head that followed behind him out of the bathroom subtly wiped around her mouth, before walking right past him.

“The same woman every night gets boring,” he laughed as he waived the bartender over, “whiskey on the rocks. What?” he questioned as he turned his attention back towards me. “Are you jealous that she’s all mine? That she’ll never leave me?”

“She’ll fucking leave you.”

“With the way her parents want to make sure their perfect daughter stays perfect, I know she’s not going anywhere.”

“Yeah, okay,” I scoffed.

“You couldn’t even take her from me.”

“Watch it, jackass.”

“Oh, did I hurt your feelings?” he laughed, taking a sip of his drink and looking me over.

“Jack, you won a bet, then married her, and now you treat her like shit. It’s not my fucking feelings you need to be worried about.”

“It fucking burns you that, for once, you’re not getting everything you want, huh?”

“She’s not a fucking piece of meat, Jack.”

“God, you really do love her, don’t you? I’ll make a wager with you,” he offered with a laugh. “You can try and take her from me.”

“What the fuck?”

“You heard me, try and win her from me. You and your cock seem to rule Massachusetts, so go ahead and try.”

It’s not like I can blame my actions on me being fucked up. I’m a prideful and arrogant piece of shit, and my ego already took a blow when I had to watch that fuck marry you. Of course I took the fucking bait.

“What do you want if you win?” I asked against my better judgement.

“$40,000.”

“Fuck you!”

“What? You don’t think you can do it?”

“It’s not that-”

“You think she’s worth more? Of course you do,” he laughed.

He fucking laughed. It’s amazing that I didn’t snap him in half in that moment. However, $40,000 and you? That wasn’t a bad deal at all.

“What’s the deadline?”

“Her 30th birthday.”

“Fine.”

“Aht, aht, aht,” he taunted, “they’re rules.”

“If you’re so sure she’ll stay with you, why are there rules?”

“Cause I’m not as stupid as you’d like me to be, Drysdale,” he chuckled. “You can’t tell her that you’re in love with her, you obviously can’t tell her that this a fucking bet, the shit I do behind her back doesn’t get back to her, and none of your fancy bullshit.”

“What fuck does that mean?”

“You can’t treat her to fancy restaurants, no fucking trips, no expensive shows...all the bullshit you usually pull. You get to fuck her, if she allows it which we both know she won’t, and a few sweet texts here and there, but none of the shit you pulled with Marta.”

“That’s not a fair fucking playing field.”

“That’s the bet, take it or leave it,” he smirked.

Why the fuck did I have to take it? Why do I have to be so fucking prideful and egotistical all the fucking time? What was the point?

I didn’t break the rules for the $40,000. I broke the rules because I’ve always been in love with you. I’ve always wanted to take care of you, always wanted to take you on trips, always wanted to bury myself in that sweet little honeypot of yours...

I’ve always wanted you.

The $40,000 wasn’t a big deal. What is it to me? That’s just a bad night at the poker table. I should’ve never taken the damn bet, but fuck all if I can’t ever stop being a piece of shit.

Now, you’re here in my arms and snoring softly, but it’s all just temporary, isn’t it? You’re chasing the same kind of peace and happiness that I am, but you didn’t do this. I did. You’ll wake up in the morning and I’ll drop you off, and then you have a choice to make. I already know that I’ll react in the worst way if you don’t choose me, which I know you’re also already aware of. You and I both know I’m a spoiled little shit, so it’s not like you’ll be surprised.

It’s not lost on me that you have every right to walk away from me, but that doesn’t mean I can fucking handle it. A small mistake, I guess two small mistakes, could lose me everything I’ve ever wanted.

Two stupid small mistakes could cost me everything; could cost me you.

“Ransom?” you call out softly in your sleep.

“I’m here, Sweet Thing.”

“Don’t...don’t go,” you beg softly, your hold on me getting stronger as you cuddle into me more.

How the fuck am I suppose to sleep without you now?

“Just rest, baby.”

“I love you,” you mumble sleepily.

“I love you with all my heart.”

“Promise me you’ll stay,” you beg.

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

I feel you relax against me and I know you’re back to your original sleep.

You are my entire world; you always have been. From the first time I laid eyes on you, I knew I wanted to be with you and only you. Yeah, I’ve done a lot of shit wrong, but you? If you only knew just how long I’ve been waiting for you. The bet? That was just pride and ego, but it meant nothing. I just need you to give me another chance so I can show you.

Now, I just need to find a way to get you to believe that. I need to find a way to keep you in my arms forever.

**

Y/N’s P.O.V

You giggle at the sensation between your legs as you moan, “Ransom.”

“So fucking hungry , sweetheart,” he moans before licking your clit, “you feed me so fucking well,” he sighs before sliding two into your soaked cunt. “You want me to eat breakfast, right?” he asks before licking your clit teasingly, again.

“Fuck! Ransom!” you moan as you grip his hair tight.

The smirk you feel on your lips has you grinding your cunt against him, which is all the encouragement he needs to keep going.

He curls his fingers and they find that spot within you that always makes you so fucking pathetic for him, and you aren’t ashamed at all.

Last night, you could blame it all on alcohol. Today? Well, today it’s just pure need, want, and desire.

“So fucking close, baby!” you whine as he picks up his pace.

As silly as it sounds, hearing just how much he enjoys your pussy is all it takes.

“FUCK!” you scream as you coat his face and the floor with your release.

Thank God this is your fucking house.

“You want me to order breakfast?” he questions with a sly smirk after he cleans up the pool between your legs.

“Not before you love me again,” you whimper.

“There’s a bed that needs to be broken in,” he claims as he stands up straight, his cock hard, proud, and leaking with pre-cum, “don’t you think it’s time we took care of that?” he questions as he pulls you up before throwing you over his shoulder.

“Ransom!” you laugh as he starts on his way up the stairs.

“Gonna christen this whole fucking house today,” he promises as you laugh harder.

Yes, now you’re sober, so you should be able to make better choices, but it’s bullshit. Making better choices is lost on you at the moment because Ransom is all hat matters to you, and right now, he’s making you feel everything all at once.

“Need you so much Ransom,” you whimper as he lays you on the bed.

“Still the best tasting pussy ever, Sweet Thing,” he praises as he cages you between his arms. “You’re just the most precious little thing,” he coos.

“Need you, daddy,” you moan as you grip his shoulders.

“Didn’t get enough last night? Thought I did such a good job since you made such a mess everywhere,” he chuckles as he easily slides himself inside of you.

“Shit!”

“You’re such a desperate little thing, baby! Such a sweet little thing for daddy!”

“Still the best pussy you’ve ever had, daddy?”

“Always, sweet girl. Only ever want you! Jesus, the way these tits fucking bounce!”

“So close, daddy! Need to fucking...ahh shit!”

“Cum for me, sweet girl! I want it so fucking bad!”

“Fuck!” you yell as you make a mess that causes him to spill into you until it’s seeping out of you.

So much for having a clean bed.

“We really are a pair of morons,” he breathes after a moment and you burst out laughing. “We definitely need to eat. We need to order something.”

“Mhm,” you agree with a small giggle as you wrap your arms around his neck. “Our phones are downstairs.”

“We should go and get them,” he smirks, dipping down and kissing and sucking on your neck.

“We really should,” you moan, grinding your hips against his.

“How about after we make sure you really like this bed?” he grunts, starting to move within you again.

“Might take a few more times, daddy,” you moan, running your fingers through his hair.

“Nothing’s too much for my sweet girl.”

**

“You shouldn’t still be here,” you mumble as you hop up on the counter, your breakfast sandwich in hand.

“Stop keeping me here,” Ransom smirks, leaning against your kitchen island, before taking a bite of his breakfast burrito.

“You’re a very hard drug to quit.”

“You’re the only woman I’ve ever been in love with, how do you think I feel?”

“Why is this so complicated?”

“Cause I fucked up.”

“Lets spend a few months apart-”

“No, that’s not gonna fucking happen.”

“Ransom-” “I already spent a month without you and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Now, after last night and this morning, you want me to spend a few more months without you? That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“I know last night was my fault, and I’m the one who extended this morning, and I’m sorry. I just missed you so much and I was upset...this morning...it just felt good to pretend. Pretend that none of this hurts as much as it actually does.”

“Lets just take this step by step-”

“Ransom, this isn’t that simple. I obviously am weak when it comes to you and I miss you, but when the fog clears and reality hits, it all still hurts. Taking away the complete fact that this all happened during my birthday party, you chose the money-”

“I didn’t take it!”

“You still took the bet, Ransom. Yeah fine, maybe your intentions changed after, but in the beginning, the money was enough to get you to say yes-”

“Okay, just hear me out. I...I was mad, Y/N. He was being such a piece of shit after getting that fucking blowjob...it was wrong, okay? You have always been my top my priority and you always will be my top priority. The first bet was out pure stupidity and the second one...God, you don’t know how fucking angry I was. I wanted you, I wanted revenge, I wanted to fuck him over...the thought of smashing his head against a fucking wall has crossed my mind more than you think.”

“Ransom, I’m the one who got hurt in all of this. Jack beat the shit out of me, he abused my love just because he could, he cheated and lied...you know all of the shit he did, and you still hid it from me-”

“I was gonna tell you everything that night!”

“You should’ve told me before!” you snap as someone knocks on your door.

Rather hard too.

“It’s your house,” Ransom shrugs as he looks at you.

You flip him off before hoping off the counter, quickly making your way into the living area and pulling the comforter around you (as the knocking comes harder and faster) then finally making your way to the front door.

“Ransom! Open the fucking...oh,” Marta stops short when she sees that you’re the one opening the door.

“Hey...” you trail off, not knowing exactly what the hell to say, cause she’s the last person you ever expected to see at your doorstep. “Um, how did you know...?”

“His car...it wasn’t in the driveway and he never answered. Everyone knows you moved, so I figured this was the next best bet.”

“So everyone knows I live here? That’s fucking great,” you mutter as you hear Ransom walk into the living area. You know he’s naked, and the fact that Marta’s eyes follow him let you know that she knows what you two were up to.

It also doesn’t help that you’re wrapped in a fucking comforter, instead of wearing actual clothes.

“How can I help you?”

“I uh...I need to speak to-”

“What the fuck do you want, Marta?” Ransom growls as he comes up behind you.

“Ransom,” you snap.

“She has no right to be here.”

“Then maybe you should answer your phone!” she bites at him. “Would you mind giving us a moment?” she asks you with a kind smile.

“Of course,” you nod at her, standing to the side so Ransom can get in front of you.

You’re thankful that he put his boxer briefs on.

“What do you want?” he snaps, his tone annoyed and menacing.

“Ransom, don’t be an asshole,” you scowl.

“Yeah fine. Go put on my shirt or something, okay babe?”

“Don’t be cruel,” you tell him softly.

You know that he can pick up on what you mean, because he turns to face you.

“Y/N-”

“Ransom, don’t be a dick.”

“Fine,” he sighs before turning his attention back towards her.

“I’ll be in the kitchen if anyone needs me,” you nod towards Marta before quickly making yourself scarce.

You grab his shirt out of the living area, quickly putting it on, before scampering off towards the kitchen.

“What the hell is going on with the publishing company?!” you hear her yell, on your way back.

“It’s mine to worry about, so don’t-”

“Ransom, you told me-”

“Marta, stay out of it!”

You quickly resume your spot on the counter top and try to mind your own business. It’s not like it’s hard, because you feel like a pile of shit.

For Marta to see you like that and knowing the Ransom was there...you obviously didn’t mean to hurt her, you didn’t even know it was her until you answered the door, but still. She had actually fallen for Ransom and it was all just a joke to him.

It was all for sport.

Yeah, what he did to you was fucked up, but what he did to Marta? It’s not like you haven’t asked yourself a million times, but how can you be so deeply in love with someone like that? Someone so ruthless and selfish...how is he the one you’ve fallen so hard for?

It’s a dumb question though, isn’t it?

Ransom protects you, he loves you, he cares about you, he commits to you...you’re in love with Ransom, because for as shitty as he can be, he makes you the center of his universe.

“Sorry about that,” he mumbles as he makes his way back into the kitchen, clearly annoyed.

“What’s going on with the company?”

“I don’t want to-”

“No, you dodged it last night, you’re not dodging it today. What happened?”

“It’s been a rough month,” he shrugs.

“Ransom.”

“I slacked off. Got depressed, didn’t do things I knew I should’ve been doing...I stopped doing my job.”

“Ransom, this is your baby now! You can’t just-”

“I did all of it for you! Without you, it all just felt pretty fucking stupid. So, for the last two weeks...I’ve been toying with the idea of just giving it to Walt.”

“RANSOM!”

“Stop it, okay? Just stop. I know, why do you think Marta just chewed me the fuck out? I’m fucking up.”

“You can’t just do things like-”

“I miss you. This isn’t something to fucking guilt trip you, it’s me being honest. You left and everything just went to shit. I obviously know it’s my fault, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel fucking empty without you. The second you left, none of it mattered to me anymore. So yes, once again, I fucked up,” he sighs.

You hop off the counter and make your way over to him, before wrapping your arms around his waist, “you can’t do this.”

“Don’t.”

“Ransom, whatever happens between us, you’ve done good for yourself. You-”

“It was all for you, Y/N. All of it. All of it was done so that I could be good enough for you. Without you, it’s all worthless. There’s no future to set up, there’s no need to be at least slightly personable, there’s no need for any of it. I want to be someone who’s worthy of being seeing with you, I don’t wanna be just some piece of shit asshole that lives off his wife. I want you to feel secure and know that I’ll always take care of you...I wanted to do...be better for you. Without you around, I don’t give a fuck about any of it,” he finishes softly, looking down at his hands.

And that’s why you’re so in love with him.

Without giving it a second thought, you’re pulling him close and kissing him deeply.

No, it’s not lost on you that you’re the problem right now.

He grips your thighs and hoists you up, and you instinctively wrap your legs around him, as you deepen the kiss.

“We have to stop,” you breathe as he sets you on top of the counter and starts trailing kisses down your neck.

“Why? Why can’t we just pick up where we left off?” he asks breathlessly once he finally meets your gaze.

“We have to set boundaries...we can’t...this doesn’t help anything. Sex doesn’t make everything better-”

“It’s not fucking sex, Y/N. It’s intimacy, it’s love, and it’s home. I can fuck whoever the fuck I want, whenever I want. That’s not the issue here. I only want you. I only desire you. I love you. I’ll only ever want you, Y/N. This has always been so much more than sex to me. You know me well enough to know that this isn’t just a reason to fuck you,” he broods.

God, why can’t you just ever make the smart choice for once?

You and Ransom spend the next few hours in your bed making love, arguing, talking, and just holding one another. It’s everything you want, it’s nothing you want, and it grips your heart. It grips your heart because, with anyone else, this situation would’ve been dealt with.

But with Ransom?

God, he’s your whole world. There’s honestly nothing you wouldn’t do for him, and you know he loves you, but it’s not enough. Right now, it’s just not enough. You trusted him once and it backfired on you so bad, so how the fuck are you supposed to trust him now? Yes, you know he loves you and he wants an honest future with you, but you also know what the hell he’s capable of.

For as easy as you’d like it be, it’s all that much harder.

“How about this?” you sigh, sitting up and facing Ransom, “we still talk, but we don’t see each other?”

“Nope.”

“Ransom, I told you last night that I need time.”

“Okay, but then we made love all night and all day today. I think that shows that you need me just as much as I need you.”

“Its never been lost on either of us just how desperate I am for you,” you scowl with an eye roll.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I really am, please...lets just start over.”

“You know it’s not that easy, babe.”

“Have I ever told you how fucking annoying it is to be with someone who won’t do exactly what you say?”

“You’ve mentioned it a time or two,” you chuckle softly.

“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he smiles softly, caressing the side of your face.

“I want to be with you, Ransom,” you tell him truthfully, your eyes watering a little. “I really do, I just...I’m sorry about last night and this morning-”

“I’m not.” “I’m not saying that I’m sorry it happened, I’m saying sorry if I gave you false hope, because I still don’t know. I love you more than I can ever explain, but it still hurts, Ransom.”

He’s quiet for a moment before responding with, “you’re my whole world, Y/N. You tell me to wait? I’ll wait. You want to explore other options? I’ll suck it up and deal with it. You need space? I’ll give it to you. I thought about this until I fell asleep, and I don’t have any right to demand anything from you. You chose me, you were more than happy to be with me, and then I fucked it all up. I can’t...I can’t keep telling you that I love you and not showing it,” he sighs mournfully.

“I don’t want anyone else, Ransom. Even if this doesn’t work out, I’ll never love anyone the way I love you. Yeah, you can be pretty fucking awful at times, but you also treat me better than anyone else ever has. Maybe that’s a testament to how poorly I’ve been treated my whole life, or maybe it goes to show how great of a person you actually are, but I never truly felt loved until you came along.”

Ransom says nothing. He just pulls you close, cups your face, and kisses you deeply.

His kisses are gonna be the death of you.

“I should get back,” you sigh once you two break apart.

“Another hour?”

“This is already too hard as it is.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Ransom.”

He lets you keep his shirt since he destroyed yours and promised to send you a new underwear set even though you told him he didn’t have to.

The drive to Daisy’s is quiet, solemn, and Ransom never lets go of your hand. Every time you look over to him, you can see just how broken up he is over all of this, and it only makes your heart hurt more.

It’s not like you don’t understand where Ransom’s coming from, fuck Jack and get the woman hes always loved all in one shot, great plan.

Except for the part he fucked you over.

If he would’ve just told you, it would’ve been fine. No, you definitely wouldn’t have been happy with him, but you two wouldn’t be in the hell you’re in now. Besides the fact that he broke your heart and made you feel like a complete and total fool, everyone is in your fucking business now. When you go out with Daisy, there are stares and whispers, some women look at you with pure disgust while others just give you a side-eye and give you a smirk.

You’re clearly not as pure and perfect as everyone thought you were.

Daisy’s told you that there have been rumors that you’re the one Ransom fucked on his balcony that night, and men (both single and taken) have started feeling way too comfortable approaching you about the things they’d like to do to you. The men at work snicker at you as walk by, which is a big part of the reason you’ve decided to start working from home more, and the rift with your parents is only getting worse.

What are you supposed to do, though? Explain your side of it? Fuck no. It’s not like you even wanted people in your business in the first place, so now you’re supposed to publicly put your business out there? Tell them that your parents pushed you back into something that you tried to get out of? Your ex-husband beat the shit out of you? That he spent all of his free time cheating on you?

Why the fuck is it anyone’s business?

It’s been a fucking shit show since your birthday party and a large part of that is on Ransom. He didn’t take you into account at all (even though he truly believes did), and now you’re the talk of the town. Hell, it’s not like you’d mind all that much if he just told you the fucking truth from the beginning.

“When am I seeing you again?” Ransom asks as he pulls into Daisy’s driveway.

“I don’t know.”

“Will you at least talk to me?”

“Ransom...I’ll text you in a few days. That’s the best answer I can give you right now.”

“If I could take back what I did, I would in an instant.”

“I know you would and I wish that you could, but we don’t live in a world of what we wish we could do. I have to figure all of this out, and as you saw last night and this morning, I can’t do that when you’re around.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m too in love with you,” you scoff. “I can’t think straight when I’m around you. I act on impulse and feelings, and I can’t afford to do that right now. I had every intention of just talking to you and coming back here, but I got sad and drunk, then remembered I was alone with you, and all thoughts of rationality went out the window. I know that I’m the one that initiated last night, but that proves my point. We started and we couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. I can’t be around you and make a good choice.”

“Because we’re in love! It was always supposed to be you and me-”

“You didn’t work up the nerve to have an actual conversation with me until-UGH! I’m not having this argument with you again, Ransom. You did something fucked up, and no matter how much I understand it, it still fucking hurts. I always pick people that aren’t good for me, and I need time to figure out what the fuck I’m doing. What I want.”

“You want me.”

“Ransom please!” you sob.

“I love you, Y/N. I love you so much and I fucking swear...none of this means anything to me without you. I’ll never hurt you like that again, I’ll never humiliate you...I will never cause you this much pain ever again,” he promises softly as his own tears start to fall.

You need to do this.

“I’ll text you in a few days, I promise,” you sob softly and he lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Whatever you need,” he responds, looking away from you so you don’t see him cry.

“Ransom, I do love you-”

“You’ve already proven that. Now, it’s my turn to.”

“Let me know when you’re home, so I know you’re safe, please?”

 “All of this, and you still wanna make sure I’m safe? God, I really fucked up, didn’t I? The only person to ever actually give a fuck about me and I fucked it up.”

“Ransom-”

“I’ll let you know, babe.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Since he won’t even look at you, you go to leave, but soon he’s grabbing your wrist and you’re turning your attention towards him, and he’s kissing you as if it’s the last time he’ll ever see you. As always, it goes to far and you end up straddling him.

“I have to go,” you moan as he kisses down your neck.

You’re such a sucker for him.

“Just a little bit longer, please.” “Ransom, I can’t...fuck, no. Ransom, we have to stop.”

“You promise to text me in a few days?” he breathes heavily as he sits back and looks up at you.

“I promise.”

“Y/N,” he sighs as he strokes the side of your face, “I love you...I’ll let you know when I’m home.”

You give him a quick peck on the lips before opening the door on the drivers side and quickly getting out. You give him one last look before quickly making your way up the steps to Daisy’s house.

“That’s definitely not the shirt you left in yesterday,” she scoffs, not even turning her full attention away from the TV.

“I don’t fucking need it right now, Dais. I really fucking don’t,” you sob as you make your way into her kitchen.

“Oh no, what happened?” she sighs, turning off the TV as she gets up to follow you.

“This is on me. I fucked up and...he didn’t do anything wrong,” you try to explain as you grab a wine glass. “God, do you have a cigarette?”

“Babe, what happened?”

“Do you have a fucking cigarette?!”

“Jesus, okay! Just hold on,” she mutters before practically running upstairs.

You don’t mean to snap at her, but your nerves are so shot at this point. You need something.

“Alright, start from the beginning and tell me what happened,” she instructs, coming back into the kitchen and handing you a cigarette before lighting her own.

You really try to get it all out in one shot, but you start crying every 15 fucking minutes, which only makes the whole thing take longer. By the time you finish explaining everything, you’re ready for a nap. Somewhere in the middle of it, you feel your phone buzz, and you know it’s him, which just makes your heart hurt for him even more.

“He was an actual gentleman?” Daisy commented after a moment.

“He’s not a bad guy, Dais.”

“To you,” she scoffs and you roll your eyes.

You know she has a fucking point. Ransom ultimately hates everyone, but (to be fair) everyone hates him. If he isn’t satisfying a woman, she tends to end up hating him. Besides all of the shit he did before, he did just pay for all of the furniture that’s gonna get put in your house.

It’s truly not lost on you just how important you are to him.

“I mean...what do you wanna do?”

“I wanna pretend that my birthday didn’t happen. I want to pretend that I’m not hurt and that I can live in my new home with him, because he is home to me. I want to be with him, but I don’t trust him, Dais, and part of me doesn’t feel as important to him as he says I am.”

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but have you really looked at it from Ransom’s point of view? It’s easy to be mad at him, trust me, I wanna break his nose too, but it’s also Ransom. Hes never had a real friend, never been in a real relationship, and his family fucking sucks. You think he understood that not was the worst option?”

“He told me everything else-”

“He told you everything else because, in his eyes, it held value. He’s always loved you, so of course he was gonna tell you. If he truly didn’t care about your happiness, he would’ve said something at your wedding. Yeah, he loses points for not telling you exactly when Jack started cheating again, but at least he told you. It can be easy to say that he did it for his own self interest, but I told you years ago, I saw how he looked at you. That man has truly been in love with you forever. Once he had an even playing ground, he told you. The bet was vulgar and disrespectful, but it’s Ransom. He’s a fucking idiot.”

“So you think I should be with him?”

“I think...I think that it’s hard for me to see you like this. You didn’t tell me about him for a year, which you can still go fuck yourself for, but once you did, it was easy for me to connect the dots. He makes you happier than I’ve ever seen before, and you are so in love with him. You were never this in love with Jack, and I don’t think you ever would’ve been, even if you two would have worked out. You laugh and smile more when you’re with him, it’s clear that he gets and understands you more than anyone else, you threw all your morals out the window and you don’t do that for just anyone, and you love him. You are so painfully in love with him.

This man got his shit together for you, actually started taking things seriously for you, and stopped all his partying bullshit. Even now, when he’s rarely at a club, he’s there just to drink. Whenever a woman even looks his way, he moves to a new spot. You gave him your attention and he changed almost over night. My list of reasons for not liking him, as well as everyone else’s reasons, don’t apply to you. You are the only person Ransom has actually tried to be good enough for, and I know that deep down inside, you believe that.”

“How much did you hate saying all of that?”

“So much more than I’ll ever be able to explain,” she laughs and you laugh along with her. “Also, you getting him to buy all your furniture? Bad ass!”

“I didn’t get him to do anything. He wouldn’t listen to me when I told him not to. He just kept buying things, so I eventually told him what to buy, cause it’s my house and I’ll be dammed if looks Ransom’s vacation home,” you scowl.

“You are right. You need time alone to figure all of this shit out, but I do believe that he actually loves you. If there’s one thing you should take solace in, it’s that he actually loves you.”

“I don’t know. I just need time,” you sigh.

**

It’s been two months since you’ve last seen Ransom, and you’re proud to say that you’ve given into Ransom once.

Well...physically anyway.

It’d been two weeks since you’d last seen him, and you had just received the new lingerie set he’d sent you to replace the one he destroyed that night you two stayed over at your new house. You were already a few glasses of wine in, so you were emotional and vulnerable to say the least. You were alone and didn’t see the harm in that being the only thing you wore around the house. The playlist you randomly selected didn’t do anything to help. Every song was either about heartbreak, true love, fucking your partner senseless, and so on.

All of your thoughts effortlessly went back to him.

To make matters worse, every bit of furniture in the house made you think of, him, since he was the person who purchased all of it. As every second went by, you found yourself missing Ransom more and thinking more and more about that night. All you wanted was to feel his love, his embrace, and him deep inside of you.

By your 6th glass of wine, you’d thrown all caution to the wind.

The voices that were telling you ‘no’ didn’t stand a chance as you got on your bed and took your Scioness sucking and licking clitoral stimulator out. No, that wasn’t anything new, but recording yourself and sending it to Ransom was. You didn’t stop until you soaked the flimsy material and you were in a whimpering and desperate mess.

You barely had to wait all of three minutes before he responded with, ‘you desperate little fucking slut.’

You knew you should’ve turned him away when you opened your door to him, 15 minutes later, but it was useless. Drunk or not, Ransom had been all you thought about from the moment you got out of his car when he dropped you back off at Daisy’s, and you didn’t feel like denying yourself anymore.

“You tell me to leave you alone, but you send me shit like that? You expect me to not act on what we both want?” he husked with a slight slur as kicked your door shut, then pinned you against the wall.

Of course the both of you are drunk.

“I miss you so much, daddy,” you sobbed as he bit and kissed all over your neck.

“Daddy misses you too, Sweet Thing. Ya know, I didn’t even have to jerk myself off to that video. You’re the sexiest fucking little whore! Did you know that, baby? Watching you soak those little fucking panties...came so fucking hard!” he taunted as he gripped your thighs and hoisted you up.

“You did, daddy?” you whimpered as you wrapped your legs around his waist. “Am I still your favorite?”

“I’ll be more than happy to show you just how desperate I am to make you believe that.”

He’d only been in the house the one other time, but he maneuvered up the stairs to your bedroom with ease. His touch was urgent as he ripped off your panties and matching top, but there was also a gentleness to it. As his lips ghosted over your shoulder, his fingers skillfully trailed down your body. Every feeling you’d been craving and needing since the last time you saw him, finally felt satisfied, and he’d barely done anything to you yet.

“You’ve been on my mind since the last time I saw you,” he husked as he sat up and removed his shirt. “Your scent, your kiss, your smile...this perfect fucking cunt,” he smirked devilishly and you whimpered as you ground your hips against his. “Awh, don’t be so fucking desperate, Sweet Thing,” he taunted with a faux pout as he started to tease your clit, “you know how much daddy loves it when you make him work for it.”

“Need you...need you too much,” you sobbed as you worked on the front of his shorts. “I’m yours, Ransom! Please!” you begged, finally able to pull down his shorts.

“Tell me how bad you need me,” he demanded as he slid two fingers inside of you, but it sounded more like he was begging, and you let out a soft gasp. “C’mon, Sweet Thing! Tell daddy how much you need him!’ “Fuck! You’re all I think about...all I dream of...fuck!”

“Tell me more, Sweet Thing!” he demanded pathetically as his thumb started making little circles on your clit.

“Best...best days were spent...oh my GOD! Best days were spent with you!” you mewled as you tried to push him away, feeling way too stimulated. “Ransom...please!”

“I need you, Sweet Thing!”

“Fuck, I need you too! Can’t....can’t think straight...without you! I love you so much!”

“Jesus, give me what I want!” he demanded as he picked up his pace.

You screamed his name as you held on to his arms for dear life, doing your best to focus your attention on him as your orgasm overtook you. He always made you feel so light and happy, and that night was no different. He finger fucked you through your high, a look of pure satisfaction sat on his face as he watched come down, before he finally pulled his fingers out. He teased you by lightly tracing them over lips, but laughed as you whimpered in protest when he quickly took them back and cleaned them off himself.

“Daddy’s so sorry, Sweet Thing,” he groaned as he thrust himself inside of you.

It didn’t matter that you’d had him so many times before, you still weren’t used to the size of him and how he deliciously split you apart.

“Shit!”

“So fucking beautiful when you’re stuffed full of daddy’s fat cock, baby!” he cooed as he fucked into you hard and fast.

“Oh...fuck..!”

“Taking daddy so well, just like always!”

“So...so full! AHT! RIGHT THERE, DADDY!” you screamed as you dug your nails into his biceps. “FEELS SO GOOD WHEN YOU....FUCK!”

He didn’t slow down as he dipped down to kiss you, one had planted firmly by your head, while the other cupped your face as he deepened the kiss. His touch was always so gentle when it came to you, even when the sex wasn’t. Yeah, he loved to treat you like his little rag doll, but it’s always been obvious that he needed you to believe that you’re more than that to him.

Hes always needed you to know that you’re everything to him.

“I need you, Sweet Thing,” he whispered once you two broke apart, his hand traveled from your face to extremely sensitive bundle of nerves and started to tease it.

“SHIT!” you gasped, curling your toes as clenched your eyes shut.

“Eyes on daddy, Sweet Thing,” he pleaded as he started to kneed your clit softly between his fingers.

“OH FUCK!”

“Eyes on daddy, baby! Wanna watch you...FUCK!”

“Daddy...DADDY PLEASE! Too good! TOO MUCH!!” you cried, opening your eyes as you gripped the sheets tight within your fists. “CAN’T!”

“Give it to me, Sweet Thing! Give me everything!”

“FUCK!” you screamed as your legs gripped down on him tight, and you made a mess that covered both his lower abdomen and yourself.

“Can’t get enough,” he husked as he filled you with his love.

You both stilled, no sounds other than your labored breaths, and you knew you should’ve sent him home. You knew that you’d done enough damage, but that did nothing to stop you from saying what what was truly in your heart.

“I need more, daddy,” you breathed as you ran your hands through his sweaty brown tendrils.

“I’ll give you whatever you want,” he promised before he kissed you passionately.

You two stayed up for hours that night. Both of you ignoring the fact it wouldn’t resolve anything, and that you both were feeding into something you shouldn’t. It didn’t help that you both kept telling each other how much you love and needed one another. When all was said and done, he held you close and tight and peppered kisses up and down your neck, begging you to take him back. The best you could respond with was entwining your fingers with his and squeezing tight.

Fucking is a lot easier than forgiving.

When you woke up the next day, he was gone and if it hadn’t been for the ache between your thighs (and in your ass), you would’ve been able to pretend it was all a dream. You wanted to text him and ask him to come over so you could talk, but talk about what? You hadn’t come to a decision, you weren’t sure that you’d forgiven him, and another round of sex wouldn’t do either of you any good.

But you missed him. You missed him so much.

So, when he FaceTimed you that night, you answered. It wasn’t a deep and meaningful conversation, but it helped to kill the loneliness...for the most part. From then on, you two talked on the phone and FaceTimed every other night. Sometimes they ended with heavy breathing and him begging you to let him over, but you didn’t cave. Other times, you stayed on the phone with him until you fell asleep. Sometimes you’d wake up and the call or FaceTime would still be going on, and it made you feel so much less alone.

You keep telling yourself that taking Ransom back isn’t the worst thing in the world, but you also know it’s bullshit. Yes, you do love him, but he hurt you. He lied and decided to keep important information from you, so that he could get his way. You’d given him the benefit of the doubt before and for what? What did you get from it? A broken heart? You second guessing everything you did?

What happens if you trust him again? You already know his parents hate you (mainly Linda because she’s now dealing with another family scandal because of Ransom), your parents hate him, you’ll second guess every word that comes out of his mouth, and you know the stares will be constant. You cheated with Ransom and, according to Daisy, people have pieced everything together. To make the situation worse, Jack is singing his little sad song to anyone who will listen. It doesn’t seem to matter that he cheated first, long before you even started to catch on. Ransom and Jack were supposed to be best friends, and you’re the reason they aren’t anymore.

So many reason to say no and start over, but it’s not enough for you to actually do it.

Obviously, the whole thing wasn’t traditional or romantic, but you were truly happy. Ransom makes you laugh, makes you feel seen and heard, he loves you, you feel safe with him, your heart rate still speeds up at just the thought of him, every part of you yearns for him in the most desperate and pathetic ways, and the only time you don’t feel alone is when he’s by your side.

The man also always sends into the most mind-numbing blissed out state every time you two make love.

It’s all so heartbreaking and confusing, and you wish there was an easy answer, but you know there can’t be. If you take him back, you’ll live in a constant state of anxiety. If you move on without him, you know that no one will ever be able to fill the void that’s in your heart now.

To make matters worse, it’s raining and it’s only making you want Ransom even more. You can’t stop your brain from going back to the last time you two spent a rainy day together, and small sad smile comes to your face.

“Come back to bed,” Ransom whined as you made your way out of the bathroom and back into his bedroom.

“I have to go,” you laughed softly, “I’ve been here all day.”

“So there’s no reason you can’t stay all night.”

“Ransom-”

“Come here,” he demanded gently while a devilish grin tugged on his lips.

You didn’t even think of disobeying him, because your body was always on autopilot when it came to him. You crawled onto the bed and made your way over to him slowly, loving the desire and happiness that burned in his eyes, and didn’t stop until you were straddling him.

“Take your shirt off,” he instructed as his hands ghosted over your bare thighs.

His eyes followed your every move, and it made your heart swell to see him so enamored and obsessed with you. He’d seen you naked a handful of times, but it didn’t seem to phase him. To him, your beauty was something that would always take his breath away.

“Are you happy?” he asked as his hands traveled over your frame. “You seem happy.”

“I’m really happy, baby.”

“I wanna take you away again.”

“Ransom-”

“I miss having you all to myself. I love having you all to myself.”

“I do too, baby.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too.”

“Stay. Please just stay with me. We can do whatever you want,” he offered as he wrapped his arms around your waist. “You wanna watch some cartoon? We can do that. You wanna make love for the rest of the day? We can do that too. Eat junk, sit in silence, play board games, literally anything you want. Just stay here.”

“I’m sure you can find someone else to fill your time.”

“You know there’s no one else. There’s only you.”

“Ransom-”

“Sweet Thing, you want to be here, so just be here.”

“I have to go back at some point.”

“No you don’t,” he scowled, “but, if you must, leave tomorrow. Today is the perfect day for us to be together.”

“What do you wanna do?”

“I wanna keep making you happy. I love making you happy,” he smirked as he started to rub your clit.

“Ransom!”

“You wanna watch a movie, baby?”

“I just wanna stay with you!”

“I want you to stay with me forever, Sweet Thing.”

“Oh God! Ransom!”

“So fucking beautiful,” he cooed as he quickened his pace.

“It feels...Ransom! It’s too much!”

“You already know what you have to say to get me to let you cum, Sweet Thing,” he smirked as he easily sunk two fingers into your desperate pussy.    

“RANSOM!”

“Tell me you’ll stay,” he begged desperately.

“Pl...please!”

“Not until you tell me that you’ll stay, Sweet Thing.”

“Fuck! I’ll stay! I’ll stay for as long as you want!”

“Careful, Sweet Thing,” he smirked, “you’re gonna end up staying forever.”

“Ransom!”

“Cum for me, sweet angel. You always look so fucking beautiful when you do.”

“Fuck, I love you so much!” you whimpered as you coated his fingers and his wrist. “Such a fucking bully,” you breathed after a moment and he chuckled.

“I only use my magic powers when you’re being stubborn,” he smirked as he pulled you close and kissed you passionately. “What do you wanna do?” he questioned while removing his fingers from your cunt, placing them between both your lips and his.

“Well, right now, I want you to use me up until you’re satisfied,” you whispered before licking his fingers with the tip of your tongue, “then I want us to make lunch and watch movies.”

“All of that is doable,” he promised as he shoved his fingers in your mouth.

You two spent what felt like forever underneath the covers, getting lost in one another, before finally getting out of bed and showering together.

“Ransom, do you ever go grocery shopping?” you laughed, looking in his fridge for anything to make.

“I mean, I send someone to go grocery shopping, but I’ve been slacking,” he admitted as he grabbed two glasses from the cabinet.

“And why is that...babe, these apples should’ve been thrown out weeks ago,” you laughed, taking them out and placing them on the counter.

“If you’re not here, there’s not really much of a reason for me to cook.”

“You can’t just order out all the time, honey. You have to take care of yourself.”

“I just...it doesn’t matter.”

“Talk to me, babe. What’s on your mind?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Why are you shutting me out?”

“I’m not, it’s just...its never mattered before, so why should it matter now?”

“Because I love you and I want to be there for you like you are with me.”

“That’s why you’re still with Jack?”

“Ransom.”

“I’m sorry...really, I am. That was a low blow...it doesn’t matter.”

“Baby,” you sighed, making your way over to him and wrapped your arms around his waist, “let me in. Talk to me.”

“I just don’t see the fucking point,” he scowled, turning his head away from you. “I’m not trying to guilt trip you, but without you, what’s the point? What’s the point of any of this?”

“Ransom-”

“No one cares, except for you. No one checks in, no one calls to see if I’m okay, no one really gives a fuck whether I’m stable or not unless they want something from me, my family always expects the worst of me, because all of us are terrible people...what’s the point? Without you, what is the point?”

“My sweet, sweet love,” you cooed as you cupped his face, “you live for you, not them. It doesn’t matter how they view you, it only matters how you view yourself.” “We both know I’m not worth saving.”

“I don’t.”

“Y/N-”

“I love you, Ransom. I love you so much that it terrifies me. It’s not lost on me what you’re capable of, but you let me in. You let me see the parts of you that hide from everyone else. The parts that you’re scared of everyone else seeing. Yeah, your family sucks, but you’re not them. You don’t have to keep acting the way they expect you to.”

“I’ll make something of myself and then what? Make them proud? Make myself something else for them to make a profit off of?”

“Like I said before: you live for you, not them.”

“I live for you.”

“You can’t make me your whole world, Ransom.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that you are.”

“What would you do if I do if I didn’t love you?”

“The same shit I’ve been doing,” he laughed humorlessly.

“That’s no way to live, Hugh.”

“Because there’s so much more to live for?”

“Live a life you’re proud of. No matter what your family says or does, no matter what you’ve done in your past, live a life you’re proud of.”

“Are you proud of me?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t. It’s not about me though, it’s about-”

“Its always been about you, Sweet Thing. From the moment I laid eyes on you...its always been about you.”

“I love you, Ransom.”

“I love you, Y/N,” he smiled before he dipped down to kiss you.

You ended up having groceries delivered to his house, and you both cooked together in a happy silence. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you as danced around the kitchen in his white collar button down, and were obsessed with every kiss he surprised you with.

You made chicken and rice quesadillas, and ate them while sitting on the kitchen floor with him. Yes, he objected to it, but you were more than happy to remind him that it’s okay to not be prim and proper all the damn time. It’s perfectly fine to let your hair down every once in a while.

“You have to pick a movie,” you laughed before you took a bite of your last quesadilla slice.

“You’re the one who suggested watching a movie!”

“No I didn’t! Plus, you know I hate making the choice!”

“I think you’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met,” he smiled, his ocean blue eyes blossomed in excitement as you burst out laughing.

“Pick a movie!”

“I don’t know! I guess...’Casablanca’.”

“You don’t even like that movie!”

“How about...’The Nightmare Before Christmas’?”

“You hate that movie!”

“But its one of your favorites,” he smiled at you.

“Ransom-”

“I love what you love.”

“Does the mean you’re finally gonna love yourself?”

“Don’t be annoying,” he warned with a glare.

“Love yourself as much as you love me.”

“That’s not physically possible, even I was in a good head space. The way that I love you...the amount that you love me...I could never love myself that much.”

“Is it sad that I feel the same way?”

“I think it speaks to how much we need each other,” he smiled towards you.

You spent the entire movie in his lap, with him holding you close and pressing soft kisses into your hair. Afterwords, you both just talked for hours about everything. His childhood, your childhood, past traumas, past relationships, what you both love each other, and you’re reservations about starting a relationship (you more than him). At the end of the night, Ransom decided he wanted to finish off the night with his head between your legs, which of course led to an all night love making session, that resulted in you sleeping in. A small smile coming to your face when you woke up in his arms, while he was in the middle of a business call.

The whole thing felt like a dream.

Fast forward to now, where all you want to do is ask Ransom to come over, but you know it’ll only make things worse. Ransom has begging you to let him come and see you for the last two weeks, but you can’t trust or control yourself around him, so you tell him no. You see it every night in his eyes when you two FaceTime, but this is the only solution that works for now.

With a heavy sigh, you get up off the sofa, and decide that food will be your way out of your misery. You’re almost at your kitchen when you hear a rather hard knock on your door. You stand there for a moment, contemplating letting whoever it is, before another rapid knock has you scowling in sheer irritation and making your way to your front door.

You should’ve ignored it.

“Jesus, what do you want?” you mutter once the open door reveals a pretty wet Jack.

“Hello to you too.”

“Jack, I’m really not in the mood today, so please-”

“So you’ll take Drysdale back, but you won’t even hear me out?”

“I haven’t taken anyone back-”

“Marta was crying at the bar to one of her friends about how she came over to talk to him about the company, and you were wrapped in a blanket and he was naked.”

“We had sex, Jack. That’s all. I’m very much single and not seeing anyone. Not like it’s any of your business.”

“I just wanna talk, Y/N. I’m not here to argue or raise hell. I just wanna talk, because we never actually got a chance to. If you can hear Drysdale out, you can hear me out too.”

“Ransom didn’t beat the shit out of me.”

“You know I’m sorry about that.”

“And the lies you’ve been spreading about me?”

“If you’ll just let me explain myself....please,” he begs pathetically.

It’s not like he deserves it, but you do have questions of your own.

“The moment I feel uncomfortable or fed up, you’re out of here,” you sigh as you step aside.

“I just wanna talk, I promise,” he tells you as he makes his way inside.

“The house is nice,” he compliments softly as he looks around.

“What did you want to say, Jack?” you question as you make your way to the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I really am, for all of it-”

“You could’ve sent all of that in a text.”

“I loved you. I love you. I just...my Mom never left my dad, and I figured we’d just make it work. My parents stayed together, your parents stayed together, Ransom’s parents-”

“So you just assumed that a toxic environment was okay?”

“I expected you to wait,” he sighs in pure disappointment, stopping at the entry way of your kitchen.

“That’s bullshit and we both know,” you scoff, crossing your arms and leaning against the counter. “You knew my parents were always going to push me to stay, so you took advantage of that. You never loved me, you loved the idea of loving me and took my love for granted, because you thought it would always be there.”

“Because you were so innocent in all of this?!”

“Jack, you started cheating years before I did! I begged you for a divorce and you refused to give me one! No, I’m not innocent, but I refuse to take the blame for everything that went wrong!”

“You didn’t do anything to try and fix-”

“No! You don’t get to yell at me and make me feel like shit! After all the work I did, it still wasn’t enough for you! Yeah, I slept with Ransom, I went away with him, I fell in love with him, but don’t act like I didn’t try to do everything to make you happy! You didn’t want a wife! You wanted a play to-”

“You were all too happy to be Ransom’s!”

“You’re the one who made the bet!”

“Because I thought you’d stay, no matter what!”

“BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T APPRECIATE ME!”

Jack is thoughtful before looking at you and saying, “I do love you, Y/N. Yes, it started as a bet, and I know it was wrong, but I do love you. I always thought...it’s all I’ve ever known. No, it’s not right, but that doesn’t make the mindset any easier to break itself out of. It started out as a bet, a cruel joke, but you made me love you. Beauty aside, you truly were everything I had ever wanted, I think you’re what mot of us want, honestly. I just...I got lost in all of the bullshit-”

“All of the bullshit I paid for.”

“I make my own money!”

“Your own money that you never spent! I foot the bill for all the shit you did!”

“Didn’t stop you from giving Ransom-”

“You don’t get to bring him up like he started all of this! Whatever I did with Ransom-”

“Like letting him fuck you on his balcony for everyone to see-”

“Where you yelled that you needed to get a whore just like that!” you snap. “Everything I did for Ransom, sexually and otherwise, I would’ve done for you! You shut me out and let this marriage fail! And for all the lies you’ve told-”

“You couldn’t really expect a clean-”

“YOU CHEATED ON ME!” you scream at him. “You cheated, you lied, manipulated me, embarrassed me, BEAT me, made me feel terrible about myself,” you trail off with a small sob as you wipe your eyes. “No, I shouldn’t have cheated, but it’s not like you gave me much incentive to try. There’s honestly no excuse for what you did! All because Ransom had a crush-”

“HE GETS EVERYTHING HE WANTS!”

“Do you even hear yourself right now?! How much of a fucking child you sound like?! Besides, what the fuck did I ever do to you?! You approached me! I’d never even spoken to you and you went out of your way to rope me into this bullshit! You made me fall in love with a version of you that doesn’t even exist-”

“That’s not true!”

“Yes it is! All of the charm, all of the kindness, all of the thoughtfulness was just a lie! All of it! It took you all of three months to cheat on me! I don’t believe that there’s single part of you that actually knows how to love and respect me, or anyone for that matter! I begged you for a divorce, multiple times, and you refused! It wasn’t enough that you won your fucking bet! What you did was cruel and fucking terrible! So yes, I fucked Ransom! I’m not going to feel bad because someone was giving me the affection and love you weren’t!”

“Drysdale isn’t some fucking saint-”

“He’s a hell of a lot better than you! He didn’t start this, you did! He didn’t cheat on me, you did! He didn’t go out of his way to hurt me, but you did! It’s not enough that ruined our marriage, and for the longest time, my fucking self esteem, but somehow I’m still the bad guy in all of this! You’re going out and spreading lies, everyone thinks I’m Ransom’s little whore, and everyone feels bad for you! Yet, you dare come to my home and tell me that your feelings are hurt because I fucked Ransom on a balcony?! Well, guess what? I let him fuck me on a hotel balcony in Chicago! I fucked him at our vow renewal party! I fucked him on our anniversary when you got too fucked up! I had been fucking him for over a year by the time you even realized something was off! That’s how wound up in yourself you were! You claim that you love me so much, but paid no fucking attention to me! There were nights that I didn’t come home, and you either didn’t care or were out with whoever fascinated you more than me and never even bothered to ask where I was! All of this was just a joke to you! It’s still a joke to you!”

“It’s not! I love-”

“Stop saying that!” you snap, slapping him hard across the face.

He takes a step towards, but you’re quick to raise your hand again, while opening the drawer full of knives, and placing your hand on the handle of the chef knife.

You’ll be dammed if you let him beat you up in your own fucking house.

“I’m a good person, Y/N. I have flaws, but I am a good person. Be with Ransom for all I care, but don’t come crawling back to me when he breaks your fucking heart!”

“I wouldn’t come crawling back to you if someone paid me to. Now, get the fuck out of my house,” you warn, fire in your eyes and scowl on your face.

Jack stands there for a moment, looking you over, before shaking his head and walking out, slamming door shut hard behind him.

You stay still for a moment, starting to shake before the tears start to rapidly fall and you let go of the knife. You blindly search your pockets for your phone, feeling your breathing start to become uneven and ragged.

‘Where the fuck did I put it?!’ you think to yourself as panic overtakes you.

When you get back to your living area, you’re quick to grab it off the arm of the sofa, quickly dialing the number of the only person you can think of.

“Hey, can I call you back? I’m in the middle of a meeting...what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Ransom asks, worry laced in every word, once he hears your sobbing and uneven breaths.

“Ne...nee...,” you sob, frustrated with yourself for not being able to put a sentence together. “Need you...shit!”

“I’m on my way. Are you home?”

“Mhm.”

“I’m on my way,” he promises before hanging up.

You make your way over to the corner nearest you and sit in it, clenching your eyes shut as you try to regulate your breathing and focus on something that calms you. No, you had no clue that seeing Jack would trigger a panic attack, the last one happening maybe a week after Jack beating the shit out of you, but you’re happy you invited him in nonetheless. You didn’t know how much you needed to say all of those things until you saw him, and you’re proud of yourself for standing your ground.

You’re also proud of yourself for slapping the shit out of him.

“Y/N!” Ransom yells as he makes his way into your house.

Of course you forgot to lock the door.

“Y/N, where are-”

“Here,” you squeak, still trying to stop your tears.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Ransom asks as he quickly makes his way to your side. You feel his fingers scanning over you, searching for bruises or scars, and you shake your head ‘no’ in a feeble attempt to tell him that you’re physically fine. “Y/N, what happened?”

“Ransom...please,” you sob as you wrap your arms around him and bury your face in the crook of his neck.

“It’s alright, baby. I’m here and everything is okay, I promise,” he coos softly, wrapping his arms around your waist, before standing up and picking you up.

You instinctively wrap your legs around his waist, doing your best to match your breathing with his heartbeat, slowly calming down as he closes your front door and locks it.

“It’s okay, baby,” he reassures you again gently, softly stroking your back as he makes his way upstairs. “I’m here now and I promise to not let anything happen to you. I’ll keep you safe.”

When he reaches your bedroom, he pulls back the covers and sets you down on your bed gently before getting in next to you, and pulling the covers over the both of you. You take note of his wet hair and you want to apologize for all of this, but you can’t find your voice or the strength. You’re using all the strength you have to hold him close, needing to feel safe and loved.

“Just rest, baby. I’m right here. I’m right here,” he coos into your hair before kissing it.

You finally feel calm enough to rest, the voices and memories in your head finally calming down enough for to start seeing through the fog. As you succumb to unconsciousness, you know one thing for certain: Ransom will always be the only person you’ll ever feel completely safe with.

Ransom will always be the love of your life.

**

3 Weeks Later

“Why do I feel like you’re not having fun?!” Daisy yells over the music, a small pout on her lips, small slur in her words as she tries to steady herself.

“I am!” you lie with a laugh, your own slur apparent as you take note of the fact that your fourth drink is halfway finished.

“You forget that I’ve known you forever! Your eye twitches when you lie! What’s wrong?! Is it because Jack is here?! I can have his ass thrown out!”

“It’s a club, Dais!” you chuckle, taking a sip of your Mai Tai.

“It’s my 31st birthday!”

“It’s not him, I promise! I just haven’t been out in a while! I promise I’m okay!”

“Bullshit, but I’ll leave it alone...for now!” she warns before making her way back to the dance floor and you laugh.

It’s not like you’re not trying to have a good time, but you just miss Ransom. Your mind keeps going back to when you had your panic attack and he came over in an instant. The memory causes your heart to flutter in your chest.

“Tell them I’ll take care of it when I get back,” you heard Ransom softly demand as he typed on his laptop. “Besides, the work on their end isn’t done anyway. If I have to tell them one more fucking time to show me the cover design, people are getting fucking fired....I don’t care! The book is due out in 3 months, and I haven’t seen shit. They want their fucking corrections? Show me a fucking book cover. It’s not that goddamn hard!” he snapped softly before hanging up.

There’s the Ransom you know.

“Did I get you in trouble?” you croaked softly, voice still sore from all the crying.

“Did I wake you? I’m sorry-”

“No no,” you reassured him as you sat up a little, looking around and seeing that was dark. “How long have I been asleep?”

“About three hours. Are you okay?”

“I have a headache,” you told him as you rested your head on his arm and sighed in contentment.

You’d missed him so much.

“I’m sorry I interrupted-”

“Don’t be. I brought you up some water. You should sit up and have some.”

“You didn’t have to stay...I shouldn’t have called-”

“Stop, Y/N. Sit up and have some water,” he urged again and sighed and gave in. “What happened?” he asked as he closed his laptop.

“Jack came over and-”

“HE WHAT?!”

“Ransom, it’s okay. Nothing happened. He wanted me to hear him out, and big surprise, there was nothing to hear. I started yelling, he kept bringing up that I cheated with you, so I of course got angrier and went off on him, I ended up slapping him and he walked towards me like he was gonna hit me back, but I raised my hand again...he told me that he’s a good person with some flaws and that you’re just gonna break my heart before he walked out and slammed the door shut. I don’t know, I guess reliving all of that trauma mentally, watching come towards me as if he wanted to hit me, seeing him...it triggered a panic attack. I hadn’t seen him in so long and it was...I could only think of you,” you confessed softly, too anxious to look up at him.

You had experienced entirely too many emotions in one day.

“You can always call me whenever you need me,” he promised you softly as he stroked your hair.

“No, you don’t have to-”

“I love you, Y/N. I always have and I always will. You think I would put a fucking meeting before you? You think I would put anything before you? You are my world and I’ll always be there for you. No matter what,” he told you sincerely.

Your heart both swelled and broke at his words. You couldn’t help but wonder if he told Marta the exact same thing when he was working to get his share of the inheritance back.

“Can you stay tonight? You being here just calms me and-”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Sweet Thing. If it makes you feel better, I’m more than happy to do it,” he assured you softly.

You want so badly to believe every thing he says, but how the hell are you supposed to do that? How are you supposed to turn a blind eye and pretend nothing ever happened when-

“Ya know, you’ve been looking sad all night,” a random man says to you, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“I promise I’m not,” you mutter as you waive the waiter over once you notice that you’ve completely finished off your drink.

“You don’t wanna give Jack the satisfaction of seeing you so unhappy, do you?”

“I’m sorry, do I know-ugh, get away from me, Tyson,” you scowl once you finally turn your full attention to the guy disrupting your evening of sulking.

“C’mon,” he smirks as he strokes your arm, “I know you know how to show a guy a good time, and I’ll be more than happy to show you a good time.” “A guy beats the shit out of me, but I’m labeled a whore for doing the same thing he did to me. Amazing,” you mutter as you roll your eyes.

“Oh, c’mon, honey. I saw you that night on Ransom’s balcony-”

“Leave me alone, Tyson.”

“Don’t be a bitch! Jack said you were an easy fuck-”

“I’m sorry to break it to you, but like he does with everyone else, he fucking lied to you. Now leave me-”

“You know you want it,” he pushes as he grips your arm, tight.

“She said to fuck off, Tyson. I’m pretty sure she fucking meant it,” Ransom snaps, pulling Tyson off of the bar stool next to you. “Fuck off.”

“C’mon Ransom! You can’t just keep her to yourself-”

“She fucking said no! Do you want me to show you what happens when I get pissed the fuck off over someone not listening to her and what she wants?!” he warns in practically a growl.

“You two are fucking pathetic,” Tyson scoffs, “I’ll find some other whore to suck me off, I’m not worried,” he shrugs with a devilish grin.

Ransom lunges towards him but you’re quick to grab his arm, looking up at him with pleading eyes, “please, Ransom. He isn’t worth it.”

Though you can see the fear in his eyes, Tyson tries to mask it before walking off.

“You should’ve let me kill him,” Ransom mutters, taking the seat that belonged to Tyson.

“You can’t beat up every guy who’s mean to me.”

“Only when you’re around.”

“Ransom-”

“Besides, why are you wearing a dress like this when I’m not with you?” he questions, taking a sip of his bourbon as his hungry eyes look you over.

“One,” you start as you turn your attention to your drink, pressing your thighs together because that look always makes you feral, “I didn’t pick out this outfit, Daisy did. Two, you’re not my boyfriend and I don’t have to run everything past you.”

Why do you always bait him? Seriously, at this point, you’re just begging for complication.

“You’ve been avoiding me for a week, and you think you have the right to catch an attitude with me right now?” he questions, leaning in and resting his hand on your bare upper thigh, and your breath hitches. “Don’t forget who you really belong to, Sweet Thing.”

“You...you’ve been seen with women-”

“Don’t. They flirt with me, I don’t flirt with them. I always go home alone, waiting for and wanting you.”

“Ransom-”

“I belong to you just like you belong to me, or did you forget? Did you forget everything I told you? Does daddy need to remind you?” he presses, giving your thigh a firm squeeze.

After he’d come over and stayed with you after your panic attack, you wanted him around all the time, and it was becoming too much for you. You two hadn’t even slept together (you two hadn’t done anything sexual in a while), you just craved to be in his space.

Ransom has made it a point in his life to put up walls and shut everyone out, but with you, he makes you his whole world and that makes it so hard to stay away from him. It’s not that you need him to be all about you all the time, but you’d be a liar if you said that having that kind of effect on him wasn’t something that made you feel just a little special though.

However, it’s so much more than that.

Ransom talks to you. Not at you, but to you. He doesn’t treat you as if you’re some object to just keep his cock warm and entertain him when he’s bored, he takes note of the things you actually like and surprises you with them, he’s gotten a lot better at talking to you about things instead of shutting down, he opens up to you about his childhood and his issues with his parents, his issues with Walt, and the issues he had with Harlan.

He doesn’t only call you when he wants sex and he respects your wishes when you say no, he calls you when he’s upset and lets you in, he calls when he’s lonely and just wants to hear your voice, he calls when something good actually happens and wants you to know immediately, he calls to ask about your day, he calls when he’s worried about you.

Never in a million years would you have thought of Ransom as someone who can be gentle and kind, and with the way he talks to people who aren’t you, you still can’t see him that way at times, but when given a chance, he truly can be. It’s understandable that after being around shitty people all your life, you become a product of your environment, but all Ransom ever wanted was for someone to listen to him and not treat him like some trinket.

That’s what everyone wants, but you definitely need it as a child.

Perhaps, if it had happened before everything else, all of this would be a lot fucking easier get past. Maybe it wouldn’t have happened at all. However, the fact of the matter is that he did lie and he broke your heart. Sure, he says that you’re not just another Marta to him, but if he made two bets concerning you, how the hell are you supposed to believe him now? How are you supposed to believe that he’s not just trying to string you along until he’s bored?

However, none of that really matters at the moment. Right now, both you and Ransom are drunk, touch starved, and desperate for each other.In this moment, all that matters to you is holding on to your resolve, which isn’t going well at all.

“Ransom, don’t fucking st-start...holy shit,” you sigh softly as his hands travels upward.

“Don’t fucking what, Sweet Thing? You’re opening your legs up for me, so I know you don’t want me to stop,” he smirks as he uses two fingers to push your panties to the side before starting to stroke your clit.

“Fuck!” you sigh softly as Ransom leans in close.

“Do you know how many times daddy has watched that video you sent? The one where you soak your panties?”

“Ransom-”

“Every single morning and every single fucking night,” he coos before biting the shell of your ear.

“Not here,” you pant softly, even though you desperately want it.

“ ‘Not here’ what, baby?” he taunts, using two fingers to spread your lips apart before easily sliding them inside of you.

“Daddy!” you cry softly, gripping the sides of your chair tight as you try and hang on.

You feel Jack’s eyes on you without even looking his way, and you know he knows what you two are up to.

Hell, anyone in close proximity more than likely knows.

“You keep making me wait and for what? You know you miss me being stuffed deep inside-”

“Daddy...please!” you beg as he curls his fingers. “You know...it’s too much, daddy!”

“At least you’re finally remembering your manners,” he chuckles softly. “So pathetic...you’re my little whore, aren’t you?”

“I’m anything you want me to be, please! Just let me...aht!”

“Don’t make a scene, Sweet Thing,” he chuckles darkly. “Should I fuck you in front of everyone like I did on my balcony that night? Does everyone need a fucking reminder that you’re mine?”

“Daddy please,” you whimper as you clench around him.

“You’ve got me so fucking hard right now, Sweet Thing. I swear to God!” he growls before biting down on your shoulder. “Go ahead, tell daddy how much you want it!”

“Need it! I need you so much!”

“Cum, like the good little girl you are, and then we’re gonna go back to my place so daddy can remind you why it’s in your best interest to behave.”

The fact that you don’t scream when you cum hard has you both shocked, because it definitely is enough to soak the little part of your dress that you’re still sitting on.

“Did so good,” he taunts “came so hard without making too much of a mess,” he chuckles as he slowly removes his fingers. “Now, clean me up and we’ll get out of here,” he snaps, shoving his fingers into your mouth while pulling his wallet out with his free hand.

You don’t even try to stop the moan that leaves your mouth as the bar tender comes over and takes Ransom’s card. Once you finish using your tongue to clean him off, you know the look you’re giving him is that of pure lust and desire, and the shit-eating grin that’s on his face only confirms that.

“We’re leaving-”

“Daisy,” you quickly interrupt, vaguely remembering why you left your house in the first place.

“You want to bring her?”

“No,” you laugh softly, “it’s her birthday. I came out for her-”

“Look at her, Sweet Thing. Do you really think she has any intention of leaving with you tonight?” he laughs as he motions to her on the dance floor, grinding between two guys while making-out with one of them.

So much for your saving grace.

“No, you’re gonna come home with me tonight, let me use you how I want to, and then-”

“You two are fucking sick,” Jack growls as he approaches the both of you.

Apparently, the alcohol has everyone feeling loose tonight.

“Back off,” Ransom warns as he stands in front you.

“She’ll always be-”

“She was never yours. The way she’d beg for me in her sleep, the fact that she never wanted to fuck you after sleeping with me, the fact that she never opened up to you like she opened up to me-”

“She’s just a slut and you’re just a piece of shit-”

“I’d advise you to use better manners when you talk about her in front of me,” Ransom warns, gripping Jack’s throat before throwing him against the bar.

“Ransom!” you yell as everyone turns their attention towards the scene.

“You stay away from her, understand me?” he warns, completely ignoring your pleas and cries. “No more calls, texts, impromptu visits, nothing. The divorce is final, she wants nothing to do with you, all of the assets have been split, so this is the last time you speak to her or me for that matter. Is that understood?”

“Ransom-”

“Do you understand me?!” he questions, gripping Jack’s neck tighter.

“You’ll fuck this up, just like you do everything else in your life,” Jack coughs, a sick smile playing on his lips.

Ransom doesn’t hesitate before landing a blow with his right fist.

“Ransom!”

“This is the last time I’m gonna be nice about it,” warns, throwing Jack down and taking a step back. “Stay the fuck away from her.”

Ransom’s quick to throw cash down on the bar and grab his card, before taking your hand and pulling you behind him as he storms out.

If there was any fight left in you to tell him no, it’s sure as shits gone now.

“Fuck!” you whimper as Ransom shoves you against the wall the moment he closes the door to his house.

The entire car ride, he was fingering you and telling you all of the dirty things he had in store for you the second you got into his house.

“Can’t wait to have to begging and screaming all night in my fucking bed. Missed you so fucking much,” he husks, hoisting you up and forcing your legs around his waist.

“Daddy please!” you beg as you fumble with his belt and undo his pants.

“When did you become so pathetic, baby? Hmm? I know you love daddy’s dick, but you’ve never never begged like this before,” he chuckles darkly as he rips your panties off of you.

“Been so fucking long, daddy!”

“And whose fault is that?” he questions as he thrusts two fingers inside of you.

“MINE! IT’S ALL MY FAULT, DADDY!”

“I’ve barely even done anything to you,” he growls darkly as he picks up his pace. “Have you learned your lesson? Are you gonna stop denying daddy what’s his?” he broods as he curls his fingers inside your tight little cunt and picks up his pace, teasing your clit with light circles with his thumb.

“Anything...anything you want, daddy!”

“Cum for me you little fucking slut! Cum hard for daddy!”

It’s not like you need much coaxing.

“All that cream for me and I haven’t even rubbed the tip of my cock against your fucking pussy? You really are the most pathetic little thing, aren’t you?” he chuckles as he pulls his two fingers from your pussy.

“I need you to fill me up, please! I need it!” you whimper, forcing his pants down. “You promised to fill me up!”

“Anyone else been in this perfect little snatch?” he grunts, sinking you down on his cock.

You whine, grinding your hips against his,“fuck! No...only want you! I always want you!”

“God, you’re needy tonight, Sweet Thing,” he chuckles condescendingly. “Did you wanna fuck Tyson tonight?”

“No daddy! No one ever has my attention! No one...no one except...you!”

“Good girl,” he praises as he grips your throat and starts rutting into relentlessly.

“Aht! Please..yes!”

“This is what you need, baby? To fucked hard and fast? Like the little slut you are?”

The only response you can muster is garbled and something between a whimper and a moan.

“This is the only time I’m gonna take it easy on you, so you better fucking thank me after I let you cum on my cock,” he warns as he starts kneading your clit with his knuckles.

“Fuck!”

You gasp and try to push his hand away, but he isn’t having that, “did I tell you to do that?” he growls gripping your throat tighter as tears start to well in your eyes. “Awh, those pretty tears for me?” he coos, licking one of them with just the tip of his tongue. “Still taste so fucking good!”

“Daddy...so full! Feels too good! Please!”

“You can still remember your manners? Guess daddy is gonna have to work all night to fuck you stupid, Sweet Thing,” he smirks, angling himself he hits that part deep within you that has you seeing stars.

“HOLY FUCK!”

“C’mon, give daddy what’s his,” he begs “give me what I need!”

You scream out his name as dig your nails into his shoulders, panting as you involuntarily grind your hips against him, your body spasms a bit as Ransom rides out your high.

God, if that was him taking it easy on you, you honestly don’t know if you’re gonna be able to last the rest of the night.

“Get on your knees and clean daddy off,” he demands roughly, pulling out and setting you down, and you don’t need to be told twice.

You whine at the sight in front of you; his proud angry red cock standing at attention, your essence dripping off it, and twitching just a little. The moment you get your mouth on him, you moan in satisfaction, eager to take as much of him as possible.

“Always such a good girl for me,” he groans, gripping your hair tight. “Now, hold still while daddy fucks your face like the little rag doll that you are,” he instructs in an authoritative tone that makes you clench around nothing.

You barely have time to get prepare yourself before Ransom starts roughly face fucking you. The last time you two did this, Jack was having friends over and you two almost got caught because Ransom couldn’t wait to get you upstairs...or for later that night.

Jack came into the kitchen looking for the good bottle of vodka just as Ransom had tucked himself back into his pants. Since your mascara was running down your face (courtesy of pleasure tears), Ransom made it seem as if he was consoling you about something. It’s not like Jack really seemed to care, which is why you didn’t feel the slightest bit of guilt when you snuck out and stayed up all night with Ransom later that night.

In fact, you’re more than sure you look the same way right now.

“Missed this fucking mouth...always taking my cock....so fucking well! “

You blink back tears as your hand travels down between your legs and starts to massage your clit.

“Forgot just how much you love being my little fuck toy. Daddy didn’t tell you to play with yourself, did I?”

You look up at him with pleading eyes, begging for mercy. Besides, it’s not like he’s not about to keep you up teaching you lessons on why you should behave.

“Fuck, alright, get yourself off. Fuck that little snatch and make a mess. Daddy’s gonna fill your little whore mouth!”

With a pathetic, gargled moan, you squirt hard, trying to maintain contain as you felt your release drip down your thighs.

“Christ!” he growls, filling your mouth his warm seed and moan in satisfaction, realizing just how much you missed his taste. “Open,” demands gruffly, breathing heavy as he tries to keep control of the situation.

You’ll be shocked if you two ever make it to the bed.

You open wide, some of his release trickling down your chin, and he slaps his cock against your tongue.

“Fucking swallow,” he demands, grabbing your shoulder and yanking you upwards.

He gives you half a second to do as you’re told before he’s picking you up, and forcing your legs around him again. You grip him tight as he pins you against the wall and kisses you passionately.

“Daddy’s tired of sleeping without you, Sweet Thing,” he broods, peppering sloppy wet kisses along your jawline.

“Please...please don’t!” you mewl, tugging at his shirt, trying to pull it up and off of him.

“Making daddy spend all these nights alone, taking care of myself...” he presses, getting his hands on the front of your dress and ripping it open, “fuck!”

“So lonely without you!”

“Yeah? Why is that, sweet girl?”

“Love you, daddy! I love you so much!”

“And you’re gonna spend all night showing me just how much,” he smirks before wrapping his arms around you waist and whisking you away upstairs.

You wish you could turn it off. How much you love him, how much you crave him, and how much you’ve come to desire every bit of his existence. It’s not healthy, the little dance you two do, but having part of him is better than having none of him. When everything first started, it was easy to say that it’s just sex (because it really was for you), but Ransom worked his way into your heart. Even on nights like tonight, when the sex is pure filth and not romantic in the slightest, just the feel of him is enough to make all the noise in your head stop.

The way he kisses, takes care of every part of your body, worships every part of your body, the things he says, the way he holds you...it’s impossible for you not to give in to him. You know that when you wake up in the morning, you’ll be at war with yourself just like you always are after you give in to him, but you just can’t be bothered to care about that right now. Not when he has you right where you always want to be.

“Pussy is too fucking good, Sweet Thing!” Ransom grunts, fucking you hard from behind as you claw at the bed.

You honestly don’t know how long you two have been going at it, and you lost count of the positions he had you in after the handcuffs broke. It’s not like you didn’t know that you’d missed every single part of him, but it helped to ease the pain a little that came with trying to be strong for yourself. However, the moment he came near you at the bar, your body and soul desperately craved him.

To get lost in the never ending dramatic mystery that is Hugh Ransom Drysdale.

“Please...can’t...I need to-”

“Need it, Sweet Thing! Daddy needs you to soak the bed. I haven’t had you like this in so long...I need it, baby! I love you so much! Please!”

You don’t mean to cry out as loud as you do as your final orgasm of the night washes over you, but it’s probably one of the most (if not the most) euphoric orgasms you’ve ever had. Everything fades around you for a moment and you feel as if you’re on a cloud that’s being charged by the most pleasurable sparks that set every part of your body alight in the most pleasurable way.

Ransom’s pornographic yell of your name is what brings you back to reality as you feel the mix of your juices run down your leg.

“You did so good tonight, Sweet Thing,” Ransom praises softly as he pulls out, catching you right before you collapse onto the bed. “You okay, baby?”

“Mhm,” you nod, trying to get yourself as close to him as possible, not even caring that the both of you need to shower. “I love you.”

“Take me back.”

“Lets not do this tonight,” you yawn, laying your head on his chest as he throws a cover over the both of you.

“You won’t answer me and you won’t see me-”

“Ransom-”

“We can make this work. You’re just as miserable as I am-”

“I don’t trust you.”

“It’s not keeping you away.” “Tonight doesn’t count, honey.”

“I’ll take you away again.”

“You can’t just take me away every time you want to fix things between us,” you giggle, eyes still closed as you make little circles on his chest with your pointer finger.

“Just say yes.”

“Ransom-”

“Do you love me?”

“You know that I do.”

“Then say yes.”

“It won’t fix everything.”

“But it’ll help with some things.”

“Ransom-”

“Getting out of this hell will help. We need time away and to clear our heads.”

“I don’t even know where we would go.”

“I do, you just have to say yes.”

“Ransom-”

“Just say yes.”

Your heart is agreeing before your mind could tell you to leave, “yes.”

“Good, because we leave next week.”

“WHAT?!” you snap, shooting up.

“In my defense, this night wasn’t supposed to go like this at all.”

“Ransom...what did you do?”

“I’m assuming your passport is up to date.” “PASSPORT?! RANSOM-”

“Is it?”

“Jesus, yes. Ransom-”

“Lay back down so I can hold you.”

“Ransom-”

“Do you want me to remind you who’s in charge?”

“Ransom-”

“Get back over here,” he smirks, pulling you down as you giggle. “I want...I need for us to get away together. Time alone will be good for us.”

“You planned all of this?”

“I had a plan, Sweet Thing. I was going to pick you up from Daisy’s party, take you to that park you love so much, and tell you everything. Then I started drinking because I got nervous. Then, I saw Tyson all over you and lost my shit, and the outfit you were wearing only got me even more fired up, and then Jack came over...I had a plan.”

“Ransom, we can’t just-”

“Trying again isn’t a bad idea. Besides, I already told you I’m not giving up on us so, if you would’ve said no to this, I would’ve thought of something else. I’m not giving you up because we-”

“Ransom, you can’t just keep holding on to hope that-”

“Why can’t I? You love me and I love you Yeah, I fucked up, but I didn’t do anything that can’t be fixed.”

“You slept with Daisy.”

“I didn’t even cum and I was soft after two pumps. I very clearly didn’t fuck her.”

“Ransom-”

“I don’t want anyone else, Y/N,” he sighs as tightens his hold on you. “I don’t need anyone else.”

“We’ll talk about all of this in the morning, okay?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, babe. We’ll try and figure it out tomorrow.”

“Just don’t change your mind,” he sighs as he relaxes against you. “I can be the man you want me to be, the man you need me to be. I just need you to believe in me like you did before.”

“In the morning, babe. We’ll talk about all of it in the morning,” you yawn as you succumb to sleep.

As a million thoughts roll through your mind, there’s one that just won’t leave you alone:

What the hell are you supposed to do with Hugh Ransom Drysdale?

**

“HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!” your Mother screams the second you answer your phone.

“Hello to you too, Mother.”

“You let Ransom-”

“Just stay out of it. I don’t need to hear about how disappointed you are, and I don’t want to-”

“I don’t approve of him, Y/N!”

“Well, I’ve got one thing working in my favor, because the last guy you approved of beat the shit out of me.”

“How many times do I need to apologize for that?!”

“Because you’ve apologized for it so much? When’s the last time you invited me to one of your garden parties or something-”

“You don’t enjoy them!”

“Since when have you ever gave a damn about that?”

“You insist on making the family look bad-”

“How is it always my fault? No matter what I do, I’m always wrong!”

“He’s not someone you want to end up with!”

“Once again, you should stay out of things that you know nothing about.”

“So, you’re just letting random men finger you in-”

“I don’t even leave the house! Besides, how do you even know about that?!”

“Jack is telling everyone about-”

“Of course he is, and of course you believe whatever he says.”

“Is it a lie?”

“Nope.”

“Y/N-”

“It’s time for me to make my own decisions about what will make me happy. No, it’s it not necessarily the best idea, but I love him. I love him, he makes me happy, and I don’t know...I haven’t decided on anything yet.”

“Y/N-”

“However,” you quickly interrupt, “it’s my choice and I’m done doing whatever you and Dad tell me.”

“Do you know what Linda is saying about you?!”

“Linda hates everyone, so I’m not surprised that she hates me.”

“Y/N, do you realize what you’ve done to your reputation?! I told you to stop sleeping with that boy, and now look! No one has any respect for you, your grandmother is furious with you, you’ll be lucky-”

“That sounds like a them problem! Jack cheated on me! Jack beat me! Jack lied to me! Yet, somehow, I’m the bad guy? I was a bet to him!”

“And now you’re a joke to everyone.”

“Thanks mom,” you scoff. “As much as I’ve enjoyed you raking me across the coals, I’ve got to-”

“We need you to come over next week.”

“I won’t be in town next week.”

“Move whatever you’re doing-”

“No, you shouldn’t have assumed I would be around. I don’t sit around and wait for you and Dad to need me for something.”

“What the hell do you have to do that’s so important that you can’t help your Father and I.”

“I honestly don’t know, I just know I’ll be out of the country. I’m going on a trip and-”

“You planned a trip, but you don’t know where you’re going?”

“I didn’t plan anything, Ransom did.”

“HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND?!”

“I knew you’d take it well.”

“What the hell has gotten into you?!”

“Once I know, I’ll let you know.”

“It doesn’t bother you-”

“It bothers you that I’m not letting you control me, the way Nanna controlled you! Your hatred for Ransom aside, it fucking burns you that I didn’t stay in a toxic relationship like you did-”

“I stayed for you!”

“I begged you to get a divorce! It wasn’t for me, it was because your Mother drilled it into your head that you needed to put up with things that you shouldn’t have, and I’m really sorry that you had to put up with that, but it’s not my fault! I want to be happy and yeah, it’s messy as hell, but at least I’m trying to figure it out! So, stop making me feel like shit because you chose a life of comfort over a life of independence!”

“Don’t come crying to me when he breaks your heart,” your sniffles and you roll your eyes.

“Well, I didn’t the first time, so I’m sure I’ll be fine without you if it happens again.”

“You’ll learn the hard way. Love isn’t what you need, what you need is security. Once you finally grow up, you’ll realize that,” she snaps before hanging up.

You sigh before throwing your phone down on the coffee table and leaning back onto the sofa.

“That sounds like it was fun,” Daisy scoffs as she brings you a glass of juice.

“Just another day of me letting down my family.”

“Your family let you down years ago. It’s only time you return the favor,” she shrugs as she takes a seat next to you.

“What the fuck am I doing, Dais?”

“Babe, if you don’t know, I sure as shit don’t. Hell, I’ve been staying here all week as your Ransom kryptonite.”

“The only way I can keep him away is if you’re here,” you laugh as you grab your drink, coughing as soon as you swallow the first sip. “Dais!”

“Yeah, that’s a vodka cranberry.”

“Is there any cranberry in this?!”

“Of course! Where do you think the color came from?”

“Jesus Christ, Dais!” you laugh, putting the glass down and getting comfortable on the sofa again.

“I was gonna just get you juice, but I heard the phone call and-”

“If she’s not happy with me now, she’s never gonna be happy with me.”

“Fuck her. Yeah, I know, she’s your Mother, but it’s not like she fucking acts like it. It doesn’t matter that she had a tough childhood, if anything, it should’ve been more of an incentive for her to treat you better, not make sure you’re just as miserable as she was. That little outburst was long overdue.” “What’s it like to know everything?”

“I don’t know shit,” she laughs as she laid back, “I just know how I dealt with my dad after my mom died. No, they weren’t the best together, but they did love another. When she died, he did his best to be there for me and made sure I never felt alone. He looked out for me. No, he didn’t deal with everything the best, but he did make sure that I was taken care of. That’s what your Mom should’ve done, not try and make your life harder.”

“When’s the last time you talked to your Dad?”

“Eh, he called after my birthday party. Wanted to make sure I was safe.”

“How is it that we’re grown ass adults, and our parents still find out every little thing that we do?”

“Cause we live in a town of gossiping pieces of shit. Nothing is ever a secret,” she sighs with a soft smile. “I’m gonna fight Ransom for taking you away from me for two weeks.”

“I’ll be sure to let him know,” you laugh, taking another drink from your glass. “What the fuck am I doing Dais?”

“Figuring out what makes you happy.”

“I shouldn’t be with him, should I?”

“I can’t say anything, because I don’t know him the way you do, but I know there’s been a change in him. No, I’m not best friends with the guy, or do I ever hangout with him, but he really has cut down on all the shady shit. I don’t know, I guess I believe him. I still don’t like the asshole, but he seems really committed to you and making sure that you understand that.”

“Why did he have to make the fucking bet?!”

“You act like Ransom’s ever cared about anything-”

“He has-” you quickly defend before you can stop yourself.”He has...maybe not relationship wise, but he did care about his family...I’m not going to defend some of his actions, because some of it is inexcusable and I know that, and maybe I am a complete idiot, but I just...he lets me in, Dais. He lets me in past all the drama and all the bullshit. It should take more than that though, shouldn’t it? All the people hes hurt, all the wrong hes done...it should take more for me to be this in love with him, shouldn’t it?”

“You know me, babe. I’ve never been in love and I don’t think I ever will be, so I don’t know how any of this shit works. However, the way you light up when he calls you? The way you smile and giggle at your phone when he texts you? The way you try to not look at him when you two are in the same space? You never had that with Jack. That spark, that smile, that laugh...only Ransom brings that out of you, and I hate that I believe him. I hate that Hugh Ransom Drysdale is the love of your life, cause he’s such a piece of shit,” she scoffs and you burst out laughing. “Make him work for it though, this trip is nothing. Make him grovel.”

“I don’t want any groveling,” you laugh, “I just don’t wanna fuck it up again.”

“I really do think you’ve got it right this time. No, I don’t like the kid, but I’ve never seen him act like this.”

“He did fuck you.”

“Attempted, I wasn’t really having fun and his mind was 100% somewhere else. I saw the way he fucked you on that balcony, I definitely got gypped.”

“You’re a fucking mess,” you giggle.

“When is Prince Charming coming to whisk you away to...?”

“I have no idea where he’s taking me, I just know I need my passport. He said he’ll be here at 3:30 in the morning.”

“He’s probably gonna take you to London.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Girl, you already need your passport, so it’s not gonna be anywhere local, and you’re obsessed with London. If I know that, I’m sure as shit he does too. How the fuck does he know so much about you anyway?”

“The hell if I know,” you scoff before finishing off your drink. “Thanks for agreeing to watch my house.”

“Of course! You think Jack is gonna come around or something?”

“I honestly don’t know, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. If Ransom suspects that Jack has done anything to hurt or upset me, he’ll kill him and I don’t need that shit.”

“Ransom talks a lot of shit and yeah, he can throw a punch, but he isn’t actually capable of killing someone.”

“Tell that to Fran,” you mutter as you grab your phone that won’t stop going off. “Hey you.”

“You should be asleep,’” Ransom yawns and you can tell that he has yet to fall asleep.

“You’re coming to get me, so shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“Why do you want me to stay away? Are you trying to get me to confess that I miss you?”

“I can’t tell if you’re annoyed or not.”

“You know that I am.”

“Ransom-”

“We’re about to spend two weeks away together, but you needed to spend a week away from me?”

“Ransom, I can’t think straight when I’m around you. Besides, it’s not like you even texted me all week-”

“Because you’ve been avoiding me!”

“Did you call just to argue with me?”

“No,” he mutters and you can tell he’s pouting, “I wanted to remind you that I’ll be there at 3:30.”

“I remember,” you laugh softly.

“Come over.”

“No.”

“Then let me come over.”

“Daisy is sleeping over.”

“Jesus fuck!”

“We’ll be together soon enough.”

“You really are the most infuriating person to be in love with.”

“You’re one to talk.”

“Alright, I’m not gonna go down that road. I love you, see you in a few hours.” “I love you,” you laugh softly before hanging up.

“Alright, back the fuck up,” Daisy snaps as you throw your phone down, “what the fuck did you mean by ‘tell that to Fran’?!”

“Oh, don’t tell me you haven’t heard the whispers-”

“About Harlan!”

“Why is it easier to believe that he killed Harlan, which he didn’t, than it is to believe that?”

“You see the assholes we’re constantly around. All of them would kill for money, and I can definitely see Drysdale offing his grandfather to make sure that he still gets his money.”

“That’s why he killed Fran.”

“The fuck did Fran do?”

“She kept telling Marta that she should break up with him because it wasn’t real to him. He wanted the money and he wasn’t being faithful, and that was getting in the way of his plans. Also, he never liked Fran anyway, so he poisoned her.”

“How are you so calm about this? How are you okay with it?!”

“Because I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, Dais,” you laugh incredulously. “Never in a million years did I think I would capable of loving someone like Ransom. None of this is as black and white as I’d like for it to be. Yeah, he made a bet about me twice, he killed Fran, he’s a privileged asshole, he’s entitled, he’s arrogant...the list goes on, so that should be enough though, right? All of that is more than enough reason for me to walk away, but then there’s everything else. There’s the side that hes learned to keep hidden because of people like his family and Tommy Smotts. The fact that the only reason he didn’t speak up on my wedding day because he saw how happy I was, he was the one who told Jack to get me that dragonfly set because Jack didn’t know what the fuck to get me, the fact that he beat the shit out of Jack, when I call he stops everything for me, he’s funny, he’s incredibly sweet and thoughtful if you give him the chance to be. It’s the fact that when I’m not with him, I feel like a part of me is missing until I’m with him again. It’s the fact that he wants more than just sex and he actually fucking listens when I talk. He asks my opinion on the things he does with the publishing company, he will sit on FaceTime with me for hours just because I’m feeling lonely, he doesn’t do anything without taking me into consideration. Hell, last week, he had a bunch of groceries delivered to my house and it was everything I loved. The reason? He text me saying that he got groceries for himself and he figured he’d get some for me just in case I need something.

I really wish I could make a choice, because it would make my life a hell of a lot easier, but there are so many levels to him. Yeah, I know why he should be better for everyone and not just me, but it’s not like I don’t get why he is the way he is. No one in his life has ever given him a reason to do better, so he just shut down. I can’t fault him for that. Obviously murder is bad, but it’s not like that whole family isn’t capable of it. Linda did almost kill Richard after she found out about the cheating that went on behind her back for months. Is that making an excuse for him? Maybe it is, but that whole family is rotten so it makes sense. Hell, Walt was all set to go to jail before all the evidence mysteriously went away. I just...it was just sex for me when it all started. A way to get back at Jack for all the wrong he did and finally feeling wanted and cared about, but it was so much more than to Ransom and it has been for a while. He didn’t take the $40,000 and for as fed up and angry as hes been, he hasn’t gone to seek affection and attention from anyone else. He loves me, Daisy and I love him. God, I love him so much and I really wish I could just choose.”

“I’m sure this trip will be the best way for you to do that,” she smiles softly as you wipe your eyes. “How about we fall asleep to ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre?”

“You always know how to make a girl smile” you laugh softly, making your way over to and cuddling up against her.

As you two slowly fall asleep to blood curdling screams, your mind wanders back to Ransom, like it always does. You hope that by the end of this trip, you can finally decide once and for all if he’s worth all this trouble. Yeah, when things are good, they’re amazing. However, when they’re bad...it’s a fucking shit show. It also doesn’t help that hes never been in a relationship. However, the part of you that’s scared isn’t louder than the part of you that’s pathetically in love with him.

God, please let this trip go well.

**

“Drysdale can’t seem to keep his eyes off of you,” Daisy smirked as she leaned against your desk.

You looked over to see Ransom sitting on top of his desk, eyes on you like a hawk, as Jack going on about something Ransom clearly didn’t give a shit about, “God, please no.”

“He wants to fuck you so bad,” she scoffed.

“I highly doubt that. He probably heard about my shit show of a birthday party and is silently judging me,” you muttered as you slouched down in your seat.

“Yeah, what the fuck was your Mom on? Holy shit!”

“About 7 shots of Jägermeister, some of her infamous “happy pills”, and her catching my Father fucking the caterer.”

“For fucks sake, your parents are a fucking shit show.”

“I wasn’t expecting them to be perfect, because they’re my parents, but I didn’t expect it to get that bad. Jesus, she almost set the fucking house on fire!”

“Fuck that shit, she almost drowned herself in the pool. What did your Grandmother say?”

“Oh, she’s seething mad. I’ve never heard my her yell before, and it was terrifying.”

“Did she at least yell at your Dad?”

“Nope. My Mother knows how my Father, and she needs to learn how to act accordingly.”

“How is it that your Grandmother is worse than your Mom?”

“As if I know,” you scowled as Jennie Taggs made her way in front of your desk, arms crossed and an evil little smile on her face.

Great.

“Your Mom put on quite the show on Saturday,” she remarked as she flipped her perfect blonde hair to the side.

“Fuck off, Jennie.”

“The speech she made about your dad being a cheating piece of shit while standing on the table? Truly amazing,” she laughed.

You hadn’t even noticed that Ransom had made his way over to the little spectacle.

“Hey Jen, how much longer till your dumbass Dad gets out of jail for money laundering?” you faintly heard him ask before he casually walked out of the classroom.

Wait...what?

“That’s hilarious,” Daisy laughed, pulling you somewhat back to consciousness.

“Shut the fuck up, Daisy. Everyone knows you’re a whore.”

“Great come back there, Jen.”

“Isn’t that what you let Mr. Smotts do? Cum on your back?”

“Yeah, I was practicing for when I go see your Father for a conjugal visit. Don’t wanna end up like your old babysitter now do we?”

“Fucking bitch!” Jennie started to sob as she ran off.

“Don’t you dare go after her,” Daisy snapped as she pushed you back down in your seat.

“That was too far-”

“It’s what she fucking deserved, stupid fucking bitch. She needs to be happy that only my words hurt her.”

“Did Ransom say...wait, you slept with Mr. Smotts?”

“No, he slipped his hand up skirt while I was standing in their kitchen, his wife came in just as I slapped his hand away, and she told everyone that I was trying to seduce her husband, which of course turned into I fucked her husband, and now the story just lives a life of it’s own,” she shrugged. “My Dad kicked his ass, so I don’t care.”

“That’s so fucked-”

“Hey, you okay?” Ransom asks, pulling you out of your memory.

“Huh? Yeah no, I’m fine,” you smile softly as he gets in the tub with you.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“Just a memory.”

“Of?”

“When you defended me against Jennie.”

“God, she’s such a bitch,” he scowls and you giggle softly. “What brought on the memory?”

“I’ve just been thinking about a lot of things since we got here. You brought me to London, got us this amazing suite, you’ve been amazing-”

“But you’re still weighing your options.”

“I’m not weighing my options, Ransom. I love you and yes, you are good to me, but you’re terrible to other people and you’ve done terrible things.”

“I haven’t done them to you.”

“That’s not how this works and you know that.”

“Fuck everyone else! It’s only about you and me-”

“Ransom-”

“If I’m so terrible, why do you stay?”

“Because I love you.”

“Yeah? What do you love about me?” he asks seductively, tone dropping as spreads your legs open and pulls you close.

“Ransom-”

“C’mon baby,” he coos, placing you on his lap so you’re straddling him, “I wanna hear all of the things you love about me,” he encourages as a he starts to tease your clit with his thumb.

“I love the way you take care of me,” you sigh, keeping eye-contact with him as you try and hang on.

“Yeah? What else baby?”

“I love the...the way you hold me, how you let me in and get to know you, the way...God, Ransom!”

“C’mon baby,” he whispers as his lips ghost along the collar of your neck, “keep going.”

“How dedicated you are to the publishing company, the way you’re always surprising me with flowers, the fact that you...oh, I’m so fucking close, please!”

“Tell me more, Sweet Thing.” “Fuck! You’re so...you’re so caring, funny, s-smart, honest-t, you listen t-to me, only feel whole when...aht!”

“You only feel whole when what?”

“When I-I’m with you! Jesus, please!”

“Cum for me, baby,” he tells you softly and it’s all you need to be sent over the edge.

You grip the side of the bathtub, trying to ride out your high against his thumb, but it’s not enough and you need more.

“We should get ready to go to dinner, baby.”

“I don’t want dinner, I want you.”

“Sweet Thing-”

“Feels like you need me too,” you moan as you dip your hand in the water and start to stroke him.

“Always so needy,” he groans. “Fuck it, this pussy is my favorite meal anyway.”

This is how most of your talks have been ending since you both got to London. No, it’s not healthy, but it’s not like you can ever get your body to listen to you. That’s why you stayed away from him for a week.

“Ransom! The Ritz?! Are you insane?!”

“Had to make sure I made this trip worth your while.”

“Ransom this is too much!”

“Hush,” he smiled as you both reached the front desk.

“Welcome to the Ritz,” the concierge smiled, “checking in or checking out?”

“In. Drysdale, Ransom,” Ransom said nonchalantly as he took out his card. You can tell that he’s going to toss the card, but one look at the stern scowl on his face has him rolling his eyes and handing the gentleman his card. “Have the changes I asked for been made?”

“Yes sir, early this morning. Your bags are being taken up now and everything is all set up and taken care of,” the man smiled politely as he handed Ransom back his card.

“Great, we’ll be back in a bit.”

“Ransom, what are-”

“Lets go,” he whispered with a mischievous smile before he took your hand and led you out of the luxurious hotel.

“Ransom, how do you have something planned already?! We just got here,” you laughed in pure disbelief.

“I know what my Sweet Thing likes, and I know you’re way too wired to sleep,” he smirked before turning his attention to the bell boy “Drysdale, there’s supposed to be a car-”

“Of course, Mr. Drysdale, I’ll grab it for you right now,” the bell boy smiled before he ran off.

“Why is everyone afraid of you? Ransom-”

“The Thrombey name is worldwide, babe. When I called and said who I am, everything I wanted was made available to me.”

“This had to have been a fortune!”

“Nothing is too much for you,” he smiled as a red classic Ford Mustang Convertible pulled up, with champagne flutes filled in the console. 

“Ransom...this is...”

“C’mon, I’ve got a few surprises for you before dinner,” he smirked before he pulled you close and kissed you passionately.

The entire drive felt like a dream, and you felt as if you were in a movie. Yeah, you knew that he’d been paying a lot of attention to for a while, but how much did he know, and how did he know it? You probably should’ve been worried about how he knew so much, but you couldn’t bring yourself to worry or care.

“Ransom...” you gasped as he pulled up the Royal Botanical Gardens.

“Your obsession with flowers and gardening made this particularly easy,” he laughed as he pulled into the parking lot.

“You didn’t have to-”

“I wanted to.”

“Why are you like this?”

“Because I love you,” he replied simply with a shrug, as if it were something you should’ve known already.

You were still perplexed.

The entire time you two were there, you looked around in pure amazement. It’s not like you’d never been to a garden before, but this was more beautiful than anything you’d ever seen. You’d promised yourself you take yourself on a trip around Europe when you finished with college, but you could never find the time. Then, when you married Jack, you told him that you wanted to go to London and explore everything you could, but he had no interest in that.

“Ransom! How can you be on your phone at a time like this?! This place is amazing! Put your phone away, work can wait!”

“Yes ma’am,” he smirked as put his phone away and took your hand in his, “anything you say.”

“Thank you for this, truly. Everything is so beautiful and I’m so fucking happy. I love this. I love you.”

“I’d do anything to see you smile,” he promised softly as he cupped your face, “anything at all.”

As always when he kisses you, felt your knees go weak and you held on to him for support.You swear you’ll never get used to his kisses.

“We’re just getting started,” he smiled once you two broken apart.

“There’s more?! Babe, this is more than enough-”

“Not even close,” he laughed as he took your hand in his and resumed walking the trail you two were on.

After dragging you away from the botanical garden, Ransom surprised you with a trip to the Natural History Museum (which took up most of your time because the place is huge), which was followed by him taking you shopping for like figurines and antiques, then a trip to the theater.

“What are you doing in there? We’re gonna be late for dinner,” he laughed as you applied your last bit of makeup.

You put a few loose curls in your hair and put it in a half pony tail, tying it up with a burgundy ribbon to match your dress. Since Ransom wouldn’t tell you where the hell he was taking you, you had no idea what to do.

‘Just look nice’ is all he told you.

Knowing Ransom, it wasn’t going to be some hole-in-the-wall type of deal, so put on one of your fancier outfits. Nothing too crazy, but it was definitely something you wouldn’t wear on a night out with Daisy.

“I just wanna make sure I look good for you!”

“You always look perfect, now come on.”

“So pushy!”

“You’ll thank me when we get there, lets go!” he sighed, and you knew he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah yeah, is this okay?” you asked you stepped out of the bathroom and put on your heels into your heels.

When he didn’t say anything, you got nervous and looked up only to see him staring at you with a look of pure ‘awe’.

“What? What’s wrong? Is it too much? I have another-”

“How do you always manage to look so damn perfect all the time?”

“You���re so funny.” “I mean it. You will always be the most gorgeous woman in the world to me.”

“Ransom,” you smiled shyly as you quickly looked away.

“C’mon, lets go.”

Ransom held your hand for the entire drive, glancing over at you and smiling at you every so often, you it only made more butterflies appear in your stomach on top of the ones that were already there.

“Jesus Ransom!” you exclaimed as he pulled up to the restaurant and he snorted, “how much money did you spend on this trip, exactly?!”

“I can afford it,” he smirked as he opened his door and got out, quickly making his way to your side and opening your door for you, “now, lets fucking eat.”

As you sat down, you couldn’t stop looking around the restaurant. It wasn’t anything too fancy, but you knew he was gonna spend a pretty penny.

“Hey, what’s going on with you?” Ransom laughed, pulling you out of your thoughts as the waiter walked away.

“I’m sorry, did I miss something?”

“Yeah, the waiter came over and took our drink order. I got you Merlot. Are you alright?”

“Yeah no, I am! Everything is perfect,” you smiled at him.

“But?”

“This is just so much and it’s only our first day. No ones ever done anything like this for me before. Not even close.”

“What Jack didn’t take you away on trips?”

“You know he didn’t,” you scowled. “Did you pull these tricks with Marta too?”

“One, this isn’t a trick. I love you and I want to spoil you, because it’s what you deserve and the least I can do. Two, I barely took Marta out of the state, you think I took her of the country?” he scoffed as the drinks arrived.

“Ransom!”

“What?”

“Do you two need more time deciding on what you would like to order?” the waiter asked nervously.

“Yes please,” you smiled sweetly towards the waiter before your gaze fell back on Ransom and your scowl returned.

“I don’t know why you’re looking at me like that,” he shrugged as he reached for his rye and took a drink from it.

“How can you be so sweet, warm, and loving with me, and so cruel to everyone else? Like they mean nothing to you?”

“Because they don’t mean anything to me.”

“But I’m supposed to believe that it’s different with me?”

“I’m doing my best to show you that-”

“Marta was in love with you, Ransom. You broke her heart just so you could get back your cut of the inheritance and then some. You pursued me all over a bet-”

“I didn’t take the money-”

“Be that as it may, you still made the bet in the first damn place. You want me to believe you, and you don’t know how badly I want to, but you treat people as if they’re trinkets.”

“I’ve never treated you that way. Yes, I am an asshole that’s not lost on anyone, least of all me, but I do love you, Y/N. You think I’m doing all of this for just sex? You and I both know I can fuck whoever I want without even leaving my house. You think I’d spend all of this money just get back at Jack? You think I would stop sleeping around just to toy with you? I have never put this much energy or effort into anything. Why? Because what’s the fucking point? If I hadn’t been so damn scared in the past, I would’ve made a move years ago, but I didn’t and that’s on me. However, I’m trying now. I’m doing my best to show you that I am serious. Do I strike you the kind of guy who holds people when they cry? Do I strike you as the type of guy who deals with crying at all? You are all I think, all I dream about, and all I have ever wanted and more. I know I don’t deserve you, okay? Why do you think I kept my mouth shut at your wedding? I know you deserve better than me, but now I’ve had you. I’ve spent time in your arms, I’ve woken up next to you, I’ve made love to you. I could barely breathe around you before, but now I fee like I can’t breathe until I’m around you. You have consumed every part of my life, your air in my lungs, and every other sappy and romantic thing you can think of. I am doing my best to show you that you are everything to me,” he finished with a heavy sigh. “I know I’ve never been in a real relationship before and I know that when it comes to being truthful and having good intentions, my track record is shit, but with the exception of the bet, I’ve never lied to you. There were multiple times that it would’ve been in my best interest, but I’ve always told you the truth. I’ve done my best to be patient, watch my temper, and be more understanding. Waiting for you has been one of the hardest things that I’ve ever done and is insanely infuriating, but it’s not about me. I hurt you, I betrayed your trust , and now I have to wait and that’s what I’m doing. No, my love isn’t perfect, but it’s genuine and real,” he finished softly before he took a sup of his rye and kept your eyes on the menu and wiped your tears away.

“Are you two ready to order?” the waiter asked again, timidly.

“She’ll have the Langoustine tortellini to start and the United Kingdom CITE de KöD for her main. I’ll have beef carpaccio to start and the Japan wagyu for my main. We’ll also take another round of drinks.”

“Coming right up,” the waiter smiled with a nod before walking off.

“How did you...you didn’t even look at the menu?”

“I looked at it before I made a reservation.”

“How did you know what I wanted?”

“Because I know you,” he smiled with a wink.

The rest of dinner went perfectly enough: he asked you what part of the day you enjoyed the best, what you’re looking forward to, what you wanna do, and if you had any issues with your food. You tried to ask him what he wanted to do, but he only responded with:

“This trip is all about you, babe.”

Of course, when the check came, he already had his card ready because he knew you were gonna try and pay for it.

“You’re not as slick as you’d like to think you are,” he laughed as you two made your way back to the car.

“Ya can’t blame a girl for trying.”

The entire drive back, he had that same smile on his face that he had when he drove you two to the restaurant. He looked so content and happy and it filled your heart with so much happiness. It never left your mind how much you shouldn’t be with Ransom, but the heart wants what it wants.

“You’re the one who wanted to watch this damn movie, get your ass in here!” Ransom called from the bedroom.

The second you two got back to the hotel room, you raced to the bathroom and told Ransom that you were in a rush to get all of your makeup off, but that’s not what you had in mind at all.

“I’ll be in there in a second, this mascara is a bitch to get off.”

“I don’t know why you put makeup on at all, you don’t need it.”

“Aren’t you just a big softie?”

“Yeah whatever, just get your ass back in here,” he muttered and you giggled.

You were all set to go back in there when your phone buzzed. It was an Instagram notification from Ransom. He’d tagged you in something. It didn’t take much for your curiosity to win and you were instantly unlocking your phone and checking to see what it was.

RanDry88: The only person worth giving a fuck about in this shit storm we call life.

All the times you thought he’d been on his phone working, he’d been secretly taking photos of you, and for him to post you like it was nothing, with that as his caption, well... if you were smitten before, you sure as shit didn’t know what to call yourself at that point.

“What the hell is this movie even about, Sweet Thing? I read the info thing and-fuck,” he mumbled as you walked on in black heels to match the black lace lingerie you were wearing.

“Today has been the best day, and it was only the first one, daddy,” you told him seductively as you crawled onto the bed. “You did all this just to make me happy?” you asked as you straddled him, and he reached out to touch you.

“I’d do anything to make you happy, Sweet Thing,” he breathed out as you grabbed his hand and slowly guided it down from your tits to your clothed and soaked pussy. “Sweetheart-”

“Do you really love me, daddy?” you asked as you used your free hand to pull the flimsy material to the side.

“More than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone in this world...fuck, baby!”

“Take these two fingers and show me,” you demanded as you grabbed two of his fingers and slowly slid yourself down on them.

“Oh my God.”

“Feel how much I love you? How much I need you?”

“Greediest little cunt,” he husked as he picked up his pace.

“Tsk tsk, no daddy. You said this trip is all about me and, right now, I want you to take it slow. I’m in control right now,” you told him softly as you slowly started to ride his fingers.

“Holy shit!” he groaned as he clenched his eyes shut.

“Focus on me, daddy. You wanna fuck this tight little pussy? Your tight little pussy?”

“You can’t feel how bad I want it?”

“I want to hear you say it.”

“I need it, sweetheart. Need you. I wanna bury myself deep inside you every night for the rest of my life.”

Once he curled his fingers inside of you, you threw your head back and moaned, “I’ve never loved someone this much. Never...thought you could love me like...oh! Baby, that’s it!”

“You’re a fucking dream, did you know that? Everything about you is fucking perfect!”

“Shiiit!!” you screamed out as you came hard.

“Fucks sake,” he growled as you rode his fingers through your high. “I need you, please.”

“What do you need, daddy?” you breathed as you finally came back to reality.

“To get lost in you for as long as you’ll let me.”

You didn’t say a word. You lifted yourself just a little so he could remove his fingers and you slipped them into his mouth, before you started to get to work on unbuckling his pants and working his pants and briefs off just enough to expose what you both truly wanted to take care of.

“So hard for me, daddy,” you whimpered as you ground your hips against his. “Tell me how I good I taste,” you begged, as you removed his fingers from his mouth and he let out a pathetic whimper.

“Like a fucking dream!”

“You wanna get lost deep inside me?”

“Please!” he rasped as he gripped your hips and tried to hold on.

You said nothing. Instead, you just slid yourself down on his cock and you both let out a satisfied groan.

“Fuck, I love seeing you like this, Sweet Thing.”

“Like what, daddy?” you mewled, clawing at his clothed chest as you lulled your head back and started to pick up your pace.

“In con...control, taking what you want...what you need,” he moaned as one of his hands reached up into your hair and easily untied the bow in it, unwinding the rest of your hair as it cascaded down your face. “So fucking sexy,” he praised as his soft hands caressed your cheeks before they journeyed downward, exploring and caressing the shape of you. “I love you!” “I lov...I love you too! Oh my..fuck! Daddy! So close! Gonna cum so fucking hard for you!”

“Please!”

“Aht...shit!” you screamed as you squirted on his cock, trying to keep yourself somewhat upright as you rode out your orgasm.

“Never knew you could be this controlling,” Ransom chuckled with a smirk once your breathing was even again.

“Did you like it, daddy?”

“I fucking loved it, Sweet Thing.”

“I think you should show me how much.”

“We’ll take as much time as you time as you need to get the fucking point,” he promised as he flipped you onto your back.

Yes, there were days of the trip that were perfect and ended up with you two tangled up in the sheets. However, there were also days that you two ended up with you two tangled up in the sheets out of sheer anger and frustration.

“Oh God, Ransom,” you moaned with your eyes still shut as your hand gripped his hair tight.

“Time to for you to wake up,” he mumbled against your clit before he pulled on it with his lips.

“Fuck! Feels so good...shit!”

He slid two fingers into your soaked and, as you arched your back, you wondered what you did so right to receive a wake up call like that.

What you did so right to have Hugh Ransom Drysdale so in love with you.

“Fuck, just like that...aht! Fuck!” you cried out, grinding yourself against his face while your other hand fisted the sheets.

Your pathetic pleas and cries only made Ransom pick up his pace, desperate to taste you. Once he added another finger, you saw stars.

“Fuck!”

The vibration from Ransom’s hum of satisfaction almost sent you into another orgasm.

“Fuck me,” you demanded once he finished cleaning up between your legs.

“Daddy ‘ll take care of you later, Sweet Thing. We have to go,” he groaned, looking you over.

“Please-”

“Don’t be a brat. I want fuck you until you can’t walk, but we have a flight to catch.”

“A fl-WHAT DID YOU DO?!” you exclaimed as you sat up and he started laughing.

“Get up.”

“Ransom-”

“We’ll be back before dinner.”

“Ransom-”

“No more questions. Get up, join me in the shower, and lets go,” he smirked as he walked towards the bathroom. When he didn’t hear you following after him, he threw his briefs at you, “lets go, Y/N!”

You tried to question him during the shower, but he’d just kiss you to shut you up. Every time you’d try to take it further, he’d just pin your hands against the shower wall, and tell you:

“be a good little girl, or you’re in for a long night with daddy.”

Torturous asshole knew exactly what he was doing, but you decided that it would be in your best interest to obey.

For the time being.

“Do you still speak a hundred different languages for no reason?” Ransom asked as got to the airport.

“I didn’t learn them for no reason. It’s rude to go to another country and expect them to speak English.”

“English is the number one language in the world, and you didn’t answer my question.”

“It’s still rude, Ransom, and yes, I do.”

“Good, it’ll come in handy in Italy.”

“ITALY?!”

“I really do enjoy exciting you,” he chuckled as he pulled into a parking space.

“Ransom-” “Flight to catch, lets go.”

Everything was fine initially. You practically bouncing the entire flight, Ransom was happy because you were happy, and you two continued to learn more about each other. When the plane landed, you practically ran off and Ransom had to keep his arm around your waist to keep you close.

Once again, he surprised with just how much he’d been paying attention.

“You’re taking me shopping in Milan?!”

“Shopping, site seeing, and lunch.”

“You have to let me get you something!”

“What did I tell you our first night in London?”

“Baby-”

“You have all this money and you spend it on everyone else, I know for a fact that Jack never spoiled you, and your parents treat you like you’re a fucking show pony. Yeah, Daisy takes you on trips, but I know you don’t let her spoil you-”

“Who spoils you?”

“You love me and that’s all I need.”

“You’re working hard for that yes, Drysdale,” you teased as you two walked out of the airport hand-in-hand.

Everything was perfect up until lunch.

“I don’t give a fuck that Walt told you to call me! Did I not leave specific instructions to not call me until I get back?...I don’t care that he threatened to fire you! Besides, it’s not bad enough that you called, but you called with bad news!...It’s not hard for deadlines to be met, so what the hell is wrong with everyone that works for this company?! Ya know, you don’t have to worry about Walt firing you, cause I’m doing it now. Pack up your desk and good luck finding a job somewhere else, especially if you try to use me a fucking reference!” Ransom snapped before he hung up. “Everyone is a fucking idiot, I swear to God...oh, why are you looking at me like that?!”

“Because you’re being an asshole?”

“How am I being an asshole?! I told him-”

“Walt threatened to fire him! He was scared-”

“I told everyone not to call me until I got back. It’s not my fault that Walt is incompetent!”

“Okay, whatever,” you muttered as you reached for your glass of champagne.

“How are you mad at me right now?!”

“Don’t act like you don’t know you’re being a complete and total dick right now, Ransom.”

“It’s my company-”

“That you weaseled your way into.”

“Don’t be a bitch about it, Y/N.”

“Okay, we’re done talking about this.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

You two barely spoke to each other for the rest of the time spent in Milan, you refused to let him touch you on the flight back, and the second you two got back to the hotel room, you stormed off into the living area. By the time he was ready for dinner, you were in your pyjamas.

“You know you aren’t going to bed. It’s too early,” he sighed as he walked into the bedroom.

“I don’t know what else there is to do,” you shrugged as you continued to flip through channels.

“You need to eat dinner and I made reservation at-”

“Well, since I’m a bitch and you’re an asshole-”

“You know I didn’t mean it-”

“Well, I meant it about you being an asshole!”

“Stop it, okay? I’m sorry. I ruined the trip and I know you’re right, okay?”

“As long as you fucking know. I don’t want to have dinner with you anyway.”

“Yes you do.”

“No, I actually don’t.”

“Stop being so fucking stubborn,” he muttered as he made his way over to the side of bed you were on and sat next to you. “I really am sorry,” he said sincerely as he scooped you onto his lap.

“You can’t keep letting your temper get the best of you.”

“I’m working on it, okay? This is the first time I’ve ever had someone in my life to truly keep me in check.”

“You tell me you love me and then-”

“I do love you. I was just irritated. I was annoyed, because I know Walt did that on purpose. The fact that I run the company infuriates him, and the fact that Marta just handed it over to me only makes it that much worse. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you and I didn’t mean to. I really am sorry,” he promised sincerely.

“You’re gonna have to take me back to Milan to make it up to me,” you pouted and he chuckled.

“Just tell me when and we’ll go.”

“You can’t keep acting like this, Ransom. I know things were tough, but that’s no reason for you to take it out on everyone else. At some point, you really have to grow up.”

“I know, I know. I’m working on it. I’ll send the kid a text and let him know that he can have his job back if he wants it, and I’ll even apologize.”

“Don’t just tell me what I wanna hear.”

“I know better than to ever do that,” he scoffed as he kissed your forehead. “I know it means a lot to you, so-”

“It should mean a lot to you too.”

“People don’t matter to me-”

“I matter to you-”

“Which is why I’m trying-”

“I can’t be the only person who means something to you. I can’t be the only reason you try.”

“You can’t expect change over night. I’m trying and I need you to be patient with me.”

“I’m trying. I know that you’re capable of being a great guy-”

“But you also have to accept that there are some parts of me you’re just not going to like.”

“That sounds a lot like you coping out of trying.”

“No, that’s me being honest about the fact that there are certain things that I just can’t change. I’ve been this way for a while, and while it’s not impossible for me to change certain things, there are things that are just embedded in my DNA. You didn’t fall in love with me because I’m some boy scout. Fuck, I told you I murdered Fran and you’re still here. No, I don’t plan on planning on murdering anyone else, as long as they’re good to you, but we both know there’s a dark side to me that will always be there. You have to accept that part of me.”

You hated that he had a point.

“Ransom, I can accept a certain amount of darkness, but it can’t all be dark. You’ve gotta get your shit together.”

“And you’ve gotta accept that this isn’t some cookie cutter relationship. You have to accept that there are parts of me that you aren’t always going to like.”

“Ransom-”

“You know who and how I am. There can be light, but you know that there can be dark. I’ll do my best to be my best for you, but it’s not always going to be sunshine and rainbows. I’m an asshole, I’m unforgiving, and I’m unapologetic. You’re the only person I want to work on those things for and I don’t feel the need, right now, to spread that feeling of understanding to anyone else.”

“Ransom-”

“You can’t force me to change over night, Y/N. It’s just not gonna work. I love you, but I’m not God and I’m nowhere near attempting to be perfect. I love you and I want to be with you, but you have to accept that I come with flaws.”

You took a moment to think all of it over before you responded with, “I can’t tell you that I’m willing to accept all of the bad that comes with a little bit of good, but I want to try. I love you too much to not try.”

“So...are you finally saying-”

“No,” you quickly interjected with a laugh, “especially after today, you don’t get to call me your girlfriend so easily, but I am willing to explore this further.” “I’ll take what I can get,” he sighed as he kissed your shoulder.

“I’ll get dressed and we can go-”

“Not really in the mood to go out right now,” he murmured against your shoulder, as his hand traveled up your night shirt and pinched your nipple.

“Ransom,” you gasped, arching your back as you leaned against him.

“I honestly don’t give a fuck about making anyone else mad or upset, but you...will you let daddy show you just how sorry he is?”

“You can do whatever you want,” you whimpered as he ripped your panties off.

No matter how the days went, they always ended the same: Ransom deep inside of you, telling you just how much he loves and needs you.

Tonight is no different.

“Come on, Sweet Thing! I know this cunt can give me your sweet cream one more time!”

The best you can respond with is a garbled moaned as you strangle your hands strangle the pillows.

“Aw, did daddy fuck his little girl stupid?” he chuckles, slapping your ass hard while he continues to fuck into you relentlessly from behind. “Fucked so good you went numb?”

Ransom wasted no time getting you from the bathtub to the bed, and you don’t even remember how long ago that was, all you know is that you feel like you’re in heaven.

“Give it to me! Be the perfect little whore and give your daddy what wants,” he growls as he reaches around and grips your throat.

“Fuck!”

“Feel good? Having me deep inside you with this fat cock?”

“Too...too-”

“So fucked out,” he chuckles darkly as he grips your hair, puling you up right, “daddy wants another orgasm,” he whispers harshly in your ear.

“B-bite...please...my neck!”

“Anything for my sweet girl,” he husks before biting down on your sweet spot.

“FUCKING SHIT!” you scream out, squirting hard as you reach around and grip his waist.

Ransom follows with a loud, “FUCK!” as he lets go of your hair and you fall onto the bed unceremoniously. “Shit! I’m sorry-”

“I’m perfect,” you mumble, gripping a pillow as you try to find your way through the euphoric cloud he put you in.

“You promise?”

“You’ve been rougher than that, I’m fine,” you giggle softly. “I’m more than sure we missed our reservation though,” you whine as he pulls out.

“I’ll order up room service and make it up to you tomorrow,” he promises as he lays down next to you.

“You don’t have to make anything up to me.”

“You’ll see tomorrow,” he promises before kissing the top of your forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

“You better. Now,” he starts as he pulls his phone off the nightstand and clicking through a few things, “what overpriced meal do you want for dinner?” he mutters as you burst out laugh and cuddle up to him.

Sometimes, just fucking sometimes, Hugh Ransom Drysdale is a dream come true.

**

“You haven’t said shit for almost the entire train ride,” Ransom laughs as you continue to look out the window.

“You’re taking me to Paris! Ransom!”

“It’s our last day, I wanted to make sure you enjoyed it,” he shrugs as he wraps an arm around your shoulder.

“I’ve loved this entire trip, you didn’t have to do this”

“I fucked up Milan.”

“You already said you’re gonna make it up to me.”

“Count this as part of that.”

“Ransom-”

“Just let me love and spoil you,” he interrupts with a laugh before kissing you passionately. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

God, you’re living an absolute dream right now.

Shopping in Paris is another thing you’d dreamed of, and promised yourself you’d do. Not even for anything selfish, it’s just something you’ve always wanted to do. Now, you’re here with Ransom and nothing is off limits.

“Ransom, no! Put it back!” you whisper as Ransom picks up a $1,500 dress.

“Try it on,” he laughs.

“No! That’s way too much for a dress!”

“You want it.”

“I don’t need it!”

“You can either try it on to make sure it fits, or I’ll just sent to your house and you can deal with alterations in Massachusetts.”

“Ransom-”

“It’s okay to have nice things, Sweet Thing.”

“Not this nice!”

“Try it on,” he laughs, handing you the dress.

“You’re letting me buy you an overpriced watch or something before we leave Paris,” you mutter, begrudgingly taking the dress and walking off in the direction of the dressing rooms.

As get out of your clothes, and carefully slip into the dress, you think about the last two weeks. Maybe being with Ransom won’t be the worst thing. Yes, he’s definitely going to have to tone it down on the gifts, but he’s not completely terrible. Besides, unlike Jack, he’s not hiding anything from you. Hes laid everything out in front of you; the good and the bad. Plus, it’s not like he hasn’t told you that he’ll try, and you can’t help but believe him. No, he isn’t some knight in shining armor, but you knew that when all of this started what feels like forever ago.

“Well, what do you think of it?” Ransom asks, coming into the dressing room.

“You can’t be in here!” you whisper yell and he chuckles.

“I think I want to rip it off of you and fuck you senseless.”

“Ransom!”

“I’ll behave...for now. Do you like it?”

“You don’t think it’s too tight?”

“It’s making my pants too tight.”

“Stop,” you laugh as you playfully shove him. “I like it. I’m only wearing it when I’m with you though.”

“I’m only letting you wear it when I’m with you. Now, get changed so I can spoil you some more.”

“You spoil me too much.”

“Get used to it, Sweet Thing.”

“We’re setting a spending cap for you. Now, get out so I can change.”

“I’m here to make sure no one gets in,” he smirks.

“Ransom.”

“Be a good girl and change so we can go.”

You swear there’s a raging devil in him at all times.

“Fuck,” he sighs once he sees you in your red lace lingerie set, his fingers ghosting along your torso.

“Don’t start,” you whimper pathetically, not even believing yourself, “you just had me this morning.”

“As if once a day is enough,” he murmurs as he pulls you close, “I always want you.”

“Ransom-” “Like I said, I’ll be good...for now,” he tells you with a foreboding tone as he let go of you.

“What do you have planned?” you ask as you quickly pull your shorts up. “Don’t worry about it. Now, hurry up and finish getting dressed so we can go. Daddy has a lot he wants to get done for his little princess today.”

“You are nothing but trouble.”

“And you love it,” he smirks, biting his bottom lip as you pull your tank top on. “Should’ve just kept you in bed all day.”

“Stop being a menace,” you whine and he laughs. “Thank you, Ransom. For all of this. These last two weeks have been perfect, and while I’m not used to anything on this scale, it’s been amazing. I love you so much and I’m so happy.”

“I wanna make you this happy forever.”

“Maybe you’ll get the chance to,” you smile as you grab the dress and make your way out.

You told Ransom that you were happy with just the dress, but he still insisted upon getting you a diamond bracelet and diamond choker to match. When you try to protest, he basically ignores you as he put his card on the table and tells you to ‘just accept it’.

It’s not like you have much of a choice.

“Okay, you’ve gotta explain it to me,” Ransom sighs as you two sit in the back of the car service her ordered.

“Explain what?”

“You have all this money and never spend it on yourself.”

“Oh,” you giggle as you lay your head on his shoulder, “I don’t know, I just don’t see the need to, I guess.”

“No, I know you too well. What’s the reason?”

“It’s just...no one we know is happy. The happiest person I know is Daisy, which is really fucking sad, because she’s just as sad and depressed as I am. She just drinks and fucks it away. I’m happiest when I’m helping others. The homeless, charities, soup kitchens...I don’t see the point in having a bunch of materialistic things when it doesn’t bring me joy. I have everything I need, so what’s the point of buying things I want?”

“You can still take yourself on trips and-”

“That would make me feel too much like my mom,” you scoff, “that’s how she dealt with everything. My Father cheating? A trip. My Grandmother giving her shit? A trip. Someone dying? A trip. Her response to everything is a trip, and I wouldn’t see a problem with it, except that with every trip, she became less and less of a Mom. My mom. She just became a shell of herself. After my infamous 16th birthday party, she took another trip. It lasted for two months. She left me alone to deal with everything and I hadn’t even done anything wrong. So no, I can’t associate trips with “self-care”, I associate them with trauma,” you laugh humorlessly.

“You came on this one.”

“Ah, but there are multiple factors to this one, Mr. Drysdale,” you smirk. “One, I would’ve felt terrible not going, because you planned all of this, so I already knew you’d spent entirely too much money on me. Two, I’m not alone. I’m with you and I love you. Three, I didn’t come along because I’m sad or running from something. If anything, I’m trying to figure us out and I’m happy to be here with you.”

“You are?”

“Ransom, I may be soft, but I still have a mind of my own. If I didn’t wanna be here, I wouldn’t be.”

“You love me enough to give me a real chance?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Does that mean...?”

“It means that things are leaning more towards your favor than not, but we’ll wait until we get home.”

“That sounds promising.”

“Don’t get too far ahead of yourself,” you laugh as he kisses your forehead. “If I weren’t so damn happy, this would remind me of the time when my Mother left because-”

“We are here,” the driver announces as he comes to a stop and smiles at the both of you. “Such a young and lovely couple, I wish you all the best!”

“Thank you, we need all the help we can get,” you laugh with a smile, opening the door and getting out before Ransom has a chance to give some snarky response.

“Always stealing my thunder,” Ransom mutters as he follows your lead.

“I’m making the world a better pl-THE PALACE OF VERSAILLES?!”

“The trip wouldn’t have been complete without it.”

“Ransom-”

“It’s a tour, Sweet Thing. Everyone does it.”

“Honey-”

“Just enjoy it,” he laughs, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and dipping down to kiss your temple.

It’s not like it was hard.

You barely pay any attention to Ransom as practically skip from room to room, taking in the history of each room, and Ransom is fine to let you do that until hes had enough.

“What are you doing?!” you whisper yell as Ransom pulls you into a random room.

They’re all random since you’ve never been there.

“I told you that I’d behave until a certain point,” he smirks, kicking the door closed before he pinned you against the wall.

He would kick something in the fucking Palace of Versailles.

“Ransom-”

“I thought you loved making historical moments,” he chuckles as he undoes your shorts.

“They’ve probably got security cameras in here! We can’t...oh my GOD!” you mewl as he starts to play with your clit; his thumb being one of the most vicious toys that he uses.

His tongue being number one.

“Oh...fuck!”

“Be quiet or they’ll catch us,” he chuckles before starting to bite and suck on your neck.

“Daddy!” you mewl as softly as you can.

“Want me to make it all better?”

“Please!”

“Remember, Sweet Thing,” he coos as he gets on his knees and rips your panties off, “you gotta be quiet.”

And with that, he dives in like he hasn’t eaten a meal in years.

“Oh...oh shit! Ransom,” you whimper as you look down at him, his eyes telling you just how much he’s getting off on this. How much he needs it.

All he wants is to have the taste of you in his mouth all day, and you’re more than happy to give that to him. Two of his fingers tease your entrance and you do all you can to not scream and beg him to fuck you with them, and the devilish glint in his eyes lets you know just how much he loves how desperate you are to be good for him. When he does finally slide those two fingers in, you bite your bottom lip and clench your eyes shut to keep from yelling. Arching your back, you grip his hair and start grinding yourself almost his face, almost forgetting where you are.

Marie Antoinette would be so proud.

Ransom curls his fingers, finding that spongy spot inside of you that makes you blossom like a flower for him, and you swallow down your moan as you cum hard, trying your hardest to stay upright.

“So worried about security cameras, but you’re givin’ ‘em such a show, Sweet Thing,” Ransom broods darkly as he kisses his way up your body.

“Need it, daddy! Need you,” you whimper as you undo the front of his pants.

“Thought you wanted to be a good little girl?” he husks as he hoists you up and forces your legs around his waist.

“Fuck it,” you gasp as he thrusts himself inside of you.

Ransom is relentless as he fucks you hard and fast, not giving a single fuck if anyone walks in and catches you two.

“Please!,” you sob into his neck as you dig your nails into his shoulders.

“Feels so fucking good every time I’m deep inside you!”

“Daddy please!”

“Do you know how much I fucking love you? I would do anything for you! Anything to see you smile!”

“Aht! Baby...baby...that’s it!” you mewl into his neck before biting it.

“Fuck! The way this pussy squeezes me...give it to me! Want that fucking cream so bad!”

You moan into his neck as you cum hard, silently praying that no one heard you two, as spills his seed into you and fucks you both through your highs.

You really just had sex at the Palace of Versailles.

“You are nothing but trouble, Drysdale” you say with a breathy chuckle as he sets you down.

“Wanted to make sure the trip was historical for you,” he smirks.

“That’s a terrible joke,” you laugh as you lay your head on his shoulder.

“I love you, Y/N. I love you more than I can express.”

“I believe you.”

“I want to be with you. Really be with you. I want more trips with you, I want to come home to you, I want adventures with you...I want everything with you.”

“I know you do.”

“When will you trust me again?”

“It’s not just about trust, Ransom,” you sigh as squat down and pull up your shorts up and pass him your torn panties, “and you know that.”

“I told you that I’ll try.”

“And I told you that I need more time.”

“You know I’m never going to give up,” he mutters as he bends down and pulls up his briefs and shorts, before stuffing your panties into his pocket.

“Yeah, I know,” you laugh, “I won’t keep you in limbo for too much longer, okay? You know I love and want to be with you, I just....”

“Yeah, I know. I know,” he sighs.

“Lets just enjoy our last day, okay?”

“Anything you want,” he smiles at you before kissing you passionately.

“Stop, before you start round two.”

“You don’t know how hard it was for me to not tear that fucking tank top open.”

“Lets go,” you laugh as you lead the way and place your hand on the door.

“Y/N,” Ransom calls as he softly grabs your wrist.

“Yeah babe?”

“I do love you.”

“I love you,” you smile at him, “lets get back out there before we get caught.”

“I’m sure the whole palace heard us,” he smirks and you burst out laughing.

“Lets go, you.”

The rest of the tour is amazing, and judging by some of the looks thrown your way, you’re more than sure that people knew what you and Ransom had been up to. It doesn’t matter though, because the last two weeks have been heaven. Even with some of the arguments, the back and forth, and the fears that live rent free in your head. You’ve never been this happy, and you never thought that, in a million years, Hugh Ransom Drysdale would be the one to make you this happy. You know that things are going to be crazy when you get two get back, and while you’re not looking forward to it, you’re looking forward to Ransom being by your side for all of it.

You’re looking forward to finally letting yourself give him another try.

“Did you enjoy our little get away?” Ransom asks you two make your way down from the Eiffel Tower.

“I’m still trying to believe that all of this is real and not some dream that’s lasted much longer than it’s supposed to.”

“No, it’s very real,” he chuckles as he takes your hand in his. “If you’re so happy, why do you seem so far away?”

“I just...I want to say yes, Ransom. I want to let go of what happened and just start over, and that’s the direction I’m leaning towards but...”

“There’s still the fact that I’m a piece of shit,” he scoffs humorlessly.

“You’re not a piece of shit, Ransom. I never thought that before and I sure as shit don’t believe it now. However, the fact remains that you’ve done things that leave me...afraid. Trusting you...it’s not easy, Ransom. I trusted you before and it blew up in my face, on my fucking birthday, no less.”

“You know how much I want to take that back-”

“But you can’t, Ransom. No matter how much you want to, you can’t. I want to believe everything you say, because I love you more than I can explain, but I can’t. Yes, I believe that you love me and I believe that you want forever with me, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’ll use anyone to get what you want. Including me.”

“I won’t ever do something like that again, and I know-”

“You still did it in the first place, and that’s whats causing the issue. Me wanting to trust and being with you doesn’t cancel out the fact that I know exactly what you did, why you did it, and who you did it to,” you mumble as you two finally reach the last step.

Getting to the bottom of the Eiffel Tower is just as much of a pain in the ass as it is to get to the top.

“I’ll give you all the time you need to make your decision-”

“I don’t want anymore time, Ransom. You are who you are and I didn’t fall in love with you not knowing that. I am in love with you. I am so insanely in love with you and it scares me, because what the fuck am I going to do if you hurt me? If you leave me? I...want my forever to be with you, Ransom. God, I sound like a fucking airhead,” you laugh humorlessly as you grip his hand tighter. “I’ve thought about this so many times, and I keep thinking about all of the good that’s happened verses the bad and...the good outweighs the bad, I guess....I want to be with you. I wanna how the first few weeks go once we get back home, but I want...I want to be with you. Really be with you,” you smile up at him.

In one swift move, he’s picking you up and spinning you around, and you’re laughing into his shoulder and wrapping your arms around him tight.

“I guess it would’ve been more romantic to give this to you at the top of the Eiffel Tower,” he laughs as he sets you down, before digging in his pocket and pulling out a black velvet box.

“Ransom-”

“Relax, I’m not proposing. I didn’t get down on one knee, so I don’t know why you thought that was the case.”

“I don’t believe you’ll get down on one knee to propose.”

“My love for you will help me quiet my ego long enough for me to get down on one knee and propose,” he chuckles as he opens the box.

“Ransom...this is gorgeous,” you gasp and you hold up the sterling silver dragonfly necklace.

“I love you. I’m not easy to love, I’m rough around the edges, and I’m by no means innocent, but I’m all in with you. No lies, no more bets, no cheating, nothing. I want this to work because I love you more than you know and I’m...I’m committed to you. I’m committed to us,” he promises.

You wrap your arms around him and pull him close before getting on your tiptoes, and kissing him passionately.

He makes it so easy to get lost in him and forget. Forget that hell is waiting for you both when you get back to the states, forget that all of this is more complicated than it seems, and forget how scared you are. However, it’s not lost on you that you two are away, and things can easily change once you get home. Which is why you want to wait a few more weeks before you make anything official.

“Lets get back, huh?” he breaths once you two break apart.

“Please.”

The train ride back to London is torturous, because Ransom won’t keep his hands to himself, and you don’t want him to. The second you two are back inside the suite, Ransom is picking you up and carrying you to the bed, and you’re desperately trying to get his clothes off.

You two spend the rest of the evening in bed, making love and getting lost in one another. There’s no ‘daddy’, no slutty nicknames, no degrading, and no teasing. It’s just you and him telling each other just how much you both love and need one another, and how much you both just want each other forever. At some point, he orders room service, but you both only take a few bites of your food before he’s pulling you back into bed.

“We need to pack,” you yawn as you two cuddle up to another, finally ready to call it a night.

“I’ll take care of it, don’t worry about it.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means that you need to rest and not worry about things that don’t matter.”

“Ransom?”

“Hmm?”

“Tell me you mean it when you tell me you want everything with me forever.”

“I mean it with every inch of my being, and I’m more than happy to spend the rest of my life showing you that.”

“I love you, Ransom.”

“I love you, Sweet Thing,” he tells you softly before kissing your forehead, “get some rest.”

As you drift off to sleep, you hope that the magic you two have found follows you both back to Massachusetts. You hope that you two can make this work for real and make it last.

**

“Why can’t you just stay over?” Ransom whines as he drives to his house. “Because,” you laugh as your phone goes off for the millionth time, “I like my house...Jesus, who knew one picture could get so many likes? I’m turning off my notifications,” you grumble as you fish it out of your purse.

Before you both headed back to the airport, you made a small photo set on your Insta account, with the caption:

Y/N Account Name: Took a little trip to my favorite place with my favorite person :)

Which Daisy was quick to comment with:

YourDadsBestFriend69: You go to Europe and get dicked down once, and I lose my title. This is bullshit.

You’re all set to turn off your notifications when you see that Marta has followed you. You tapped on username, but it was private. However, you did see her holding a small hand in her profile picture.

Did she have a baby?

When you go back to your notifications, her follow isn’t there anymore, which makes you all that much more confused. You let your curiosity get the best of you and go over to Ransom’s page and tapped on the photo set he posted of you.

You look through the very colorful comments until you find what you’re looking for:

M_Cab89: We’ll see if that’s the case when you get back.

Alright, what the fuck is going on?

“Are you listening to me?” Ransom asks, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Huh? What? No, I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“The car should be delivered in two days.”

“You didn’t have to buy me the car, Ransom,” you laugh with a sigh.

“You like the car and now you’ll have it.”

“You don’t have to buy me everything-”

“We were still on the trip. The trip that I took great joy in spoiling you on. I was happy to do it.”

“You should’ve let me buy you the watch.” “I have too many watches,” he scoffs as he turns onto his street. “I’ll run inside, grab some clothes, and we’ll head back to your place...awh, what the shit?!” he gripes as he parks his car in his gravel driveway.

Why are Marta and Linda here? Who the hell is that little boy?

“What the fuck is this about?” he mutters, opening his door and getting out before slamming it shut.

Great.

“Ransom, calm down,” you sigh, getting out and following after him.

“It’s bad enough that either one of them is here, but them together? And who the fuck is that little kid?” he growls.

“Ransom, please.”

“What do you want, Mother?” he snaps, malice in his tone as he reaches his doorstep.

There’s no way that is going to end well.

“Don’t speak to me in that tone!”

“You’re at my house-”

“That Harlan got you-”

“What do you want?” he mutters.

“So, it’s true? You’re with her now?” Linda sasses as she looks you over.

“It really doesn’t concern you. What do you-”

“You planned your trip during my birthday, didn’t even bother to call-”

“Why should I? It’s not like you wanted me there anyway-”

“I’m your Mother, you ungrateful little shit!” she interrupts, slapping him hard.

“No!” you snap, standing in front of Ransom, “you don’t get to hit him! I don’t care that he’s your son, you don’t treat him like that! Especially because he’s your son,” you growl, a threatening finger pointed directly at her face.

The shit eating grin that comes to her face makes your stomach churn.

“When I got here, Marta was already here with that little guy. Seems like you can’t keep either of your whores in line.”

There’s no fucking way...

“What are you talking about? I don’t-”

“He’s your son, Ransom,” Marta interjects, stepping aside, so little boy can be seen.

You can’t breathe.

“The fuck he is!”

“Watch your mouth!”

“He’s not my son and this isn’t fucking funny!”

“We can take a test if you want, but he is your son!”

The comment she left under his pictures makes so much sense now.

“Well, I don’t want him! You wait...however many years to tell me about him, and you sure as shit don’t need any money, so why now?!”

“He deserves to know who his Father is, Ransom! He’s a Drysdale and-”

“Watch it,” Ransom warns with a foreboding tone.

You look at him in pure and utter shock. You know that he can be an asshole, but this is just cruel. He has a point though, why did Marta wait until now? There were multiple times to tell Ransom, including when she was pregnant, but she waited till he posted you? Is that why she went on your page? To see if there was something more? To see if we were both serious about each other?

“It’s not enough that you had to take this whore to London and miss my birthday, but now you have a bastard with the help? God, you don’t know how to stop yourself from fucking up, do you?” Linda spits.

This time, you’re the one slapping her while angry tears roll down your cheek, and Linda looks at you in pure shock.

“I’ll press charges!”

“Go ahead,” you mutter before turning and walking away.

“Y/N, please don’t go,” Ransom calls, following after you and grabbing your wrist, and you instantly pull out of his hold. “Sweet Thing-”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Please, lets talk about this!”

“I can’t be here right now, Ransom. I just can’t.”

“Where do you wanna go? We can anywhere you want!”

“I need to get away from you!” you yell, turning to face him for just a brief moment, but it was long enough to see the pain in his eyes.

The universe just couldn’t give you a fucking win, could it?

“Please-”

“I can’t talk to you right now. I have to go. I’ve gotta get the fuck out of here.”

You’re quick to grab your purse and cell phone from his car, before you’re walking off in the direction of your home.

The second you can’t see them anymore, you burst into tears.

You were just too fucking happy. You finally felt comfortable enough to explore things with Ransom, you were so ready to say yes and fully commit, and now there’s all this shit. What the fuck are you supposed to do now? No, he by all means did not have the right response to any of what just took place, but e was caught completely off guard, and it really does seem like Marta did this out of spite.

Linda help a single fucking thing.

You stop in at the liquor store and pick up four bottles of tequila, along with four packs of cigarettes, and completely ignore the stares and whispers that are coming your way.

None of it fucking matters anyway.

As your items are being scanned, only one thought keeps going through your mind: why did you have to fall in love with Hugh Ransom Drysdale?

~~

taglist: @emerald-evans​, @maroonsunrise83​, @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @companionjones​, @autumnrose40​, @fuckingbye​, @pono-pura-vida​, @nomadstucky​, @mazda098​, @chemtrails-club​, @bree-lyrie​

[panic-at-the-fiction]

Cowboy like me

Summary: Having worked as a freelancer in Emon you’ve run into Vox Machina and their shenanigans on a handful of occasions. Often you feel drawn into their chaos and to one of their particular steampunk aesthetic members. But maybe that’s because you have more in common than one might think.

A/N: So what I’m using some Taylor Swift song inspiration this year. It’s fun I got some good ones lined up for it too.

Maybe it was fate that I landed in this one small-town tavern, it certainly couldn’t have been luck. I had just been in town running “errands”, small gigs that didn’t take me too far off my desired path. This one was just a simple retrieval of a missing wedding ring, perhaps the man should have held on to it a bit tighter the last time he was here, but that wasn’t for me to say.

“Yeah, I found that one last week, but I put it with the other things that have gotten left here over the years. You’ll have to give me a minute to find it.”

“Take your time,” I said, tossing the barkeep a few spare coins for the effort.

I sat down, taking hold of my glass and staring at the wall behind the bar.

“(y/n)?”

I was surprised to even hear my name in a place like this, but his face was easily recognizable once I turned around. “Percy?”

He shook his head almost in disbelief, “I really didn’t think we’d ever run into you again. How long has it been?”

“Let’s see, the last time was the mimic case, so a while, I guess. So the whole crew is here then?”

“Oh yes, think I could leave them unsupervised?” He nodded his head in the direction of where a few members of his found family set, most of them drunker than they ought to be. “We were just passing through looking for work. You know how it is.”

“Tell me about it.” I said, turning back to stare at the wall.

“How are you handling these days?” He said, taking the seat next to me.

“I take the odd job for the money, I make ends meet, but I’m looking for bigger prey presently.”

“Bigger prey?”

“Story for another day.”

“And what might you do once you track down this bigger prey?”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Percival, I got some tricks up my sleeve.”

“You can call me Percy, you know?”

“I know,” I smiled while drinking from my glass.

“Well, the offer always still stands to join Vox Machina if you ever want the company.”

I tried not to smile at the offer. “Is that offer from the whole group, or just you?” He tried to hide the smile and light blush from my suggestion. “Can’t, a group like yours might just slow me down. Honestly, I’m shocked you're still with them.”

“Why do you say that?” I turned looking at him, he had a deep crease in his brow, questioning me. Almost like he was trying to figure out a puzzle.

“You may play the gentleman Percival, but I can read it in your eyes, you're just another cowboy. And like any true cowboy, you’re really after one thing.”

“And what is that?”

“Revenge.”

“What makes you think I want revenge?”

“Call it a woman's intuition.” Just as I took a long sip finishing my drink, the barkeep came back with the ring in hand.

“Here you go, miss.”

“Thank you, kind sir.” I smiled, pocketing the ring and standing up to leave.

“You’re going to leave already? At least let me buy you a drink,” Percy tried.

“I got what I came for, it’s time I head out.”

“You know, (y/n), you’re not as mysterious and cool as you think you are.” I raised my eyebrow, questioning where he was going with this.

He stood up, standing closer this time. “You're a woman on a mission.”

“Pray tell, dear Percival, what is that mission?”

He smiled, leaning in closer. “It's obvious, dear (y/n). You’re a cowboy, just like me.”

I tried to play it off with a shake of my head as I started walking toward the door.

“Hey (y/n)!” Percy shouted from across the room. “Good luck with your bigger prey” He smirked before he turned back to his friends.

As I left the bar, I could feel the goosebumps on my arms, shaking my head. Oh, y/n you are playing a dangerous game getting distracted like this. You’ve been there before, just run before it's too late. It still blows my mind how he could just read and call me out like that, but I guess it takes one to know one. But by now I should know to stay away from cowboys.

Part 2

[nukitan]

Okay so as much as I dislike conflating Pokémon and Digimon, (they’re two shows that just so happen to be in the same genre and I think the comparisons should stop there. The bad faith ones anyway), how great the new Pokémon anime is has made me think about something.

Basically, I feel like Horizons has a lot of elements that I would love to see in a modern season of Digimon and I think the Digimon anime could take a page from their playbook. Which is funny since up until now I’ve always said the reverse.

Full rant bellow the cut to spare your time lines if you don’t want to read my rambles.

I split them into section going into Digimon first and then Pokémon if you want to skip around and don’t care about the other franchise. BUT, I will say that the point of this essay is that Pokémon Horizons is good, the first three seasons of Digimon are good and if you like one you should watch the other.

Anyway.

First I’m going to go into my history with Digimon and what I liked about the classic seasons and what I don’t like so much about the newer ones.

Basically, I love Digimon. Been hyper fixating on it off and on for twenty+ years. I’ve seen every season, subbed and dubbed multiple times, I’ve played a good chunk of the games, I play the TCG, ect.

Something that drew me to the Digimon anime over AniPoke, was the characters and the plot. In the early seasons Digimon tackled lots of difficult issues like divorce, adoption, death, loss, depression, among other things. But still kept a light hearted, feel good air. The characters felt deep and multi-faceted (At least in the sub), and I dare say are better written than some characters from some adult oriented anime out there. And they had cute monsters that evolved into bigger monsters and fought baddie monsters, what wasn’t there to love? The first three or so seasons did a fantastic job juggling characters, plot, cool creature fights, and cute and funny moments between the members of the cast. It never really felt like a commercial compared to contemporaries. It felt like the writers were creating something with soul, it was a story first and ad second. It felt like it had love.

Adventure, 02, and Tamers are my favorites. Bellow are some characters and their arcs I really enjoyed from those seasons, skip if don’t want spoilers.

I love Taichi’s arc of being reckless, and being one track minded to the point where he put all his friends in harms way and Yamato tries to act like this calm and cool lancer type but he’s actually the group heart and sensitive the way they bounce off each other and have conflicts throughout the series is just fantastic.

Ken in 02 and his whole arc of getting over the death of his brother and accepting the consequences of his actions as the Digimon Kaiser. And the way he slowly warms up to the group is so cute. I legit cried when I watched some of his episodes post kaiser as an adult.

Tamers as a whole is an extensional horror trip. Juri’s whole thing with her depression after the death of Leomon, how it related back to her trauma after losing her mom when she was younger, and the way the D-Reaper took advantage of that- I honestly don’t know how this was slipped into a kids show from the early 2000s.

A lot of these shows that started in the 90s and early 2000s were pledged with the “Glorified 20-25 minute toy ad” problem, and Digimon didn’t really seem to have that issue to me. It felt like the creators were putting the story and characters first, and an ad second or third.

The early seasons of Digimon felt like a celebration of childhood and was something that could be enjoyable to kids of all ages and adults alike. I don’t at all get that feeling that I’m watching a baby show when I watch early Digimon. It presents things in simple terms that kids could understand without talking down to its audience. It’s great.

And then the later seasons happened and Digimon forgot what made it great and lost its soul…

Xros wars was where the ball really seemed to drop in my opinion. Sure it still had the epic Kaiju fights but… that’s about it. Gone were the intense character moments and interesting plots. All we had was the special little marry sue of a boy Taiki who could do nothing wrong besides not “TURNING HIS BACK ON SOMEONE uwu”. And there was no overcoming adversity like in the earlier seasons, Taiki would just epically throw his Xros loader into the air and scream away his problems with a “DIGi-XROS!” (Sorry Taiki fans I can’t conceal my venom for this man)

And the monsters were just disappointing too. Like they were clunky and just looked like… toys.

It felt like Digimon had lost what made it tick and started to more closely resemble what I didn’t like about AniPoke, a toy commercial with a sanitized feel.

This continued for the next couple of seasons, only really picking up again in Appmon, but while Appmon is good and had it’s moments (I love the story with Yujin. He and Haru are totally roommates, cousins even), it still doesn’t compare to the heart the first three to five seasons had, imo.

Tri felt like a soulless nostalgia cash grab. Last Kizuna was good, it gave me hope for the anime again just to crush it all away with The Beginning.

I won’t get started on Adventure 2020 or we’ll be here all day. Needless to say it spat in the face of the show it was paying homage to.

Ghost Game got my hopes up, but then the last episode just took a dump on the rest of the show. It was fun, Kiyoshiro and Jellymon specifically were the stars of the show and GulusGammamon was interesting… until he wasn’t. It was fun, had a lot of potential with its horror feel, and was the closest to classic Digimon the modern seasons had been in awhile… at first anyway. It really shat the bed. And my problem with it don’t really relate to it being episodic in nature or anything, that can be done well. The characters just didn’t feel consistent (Especially Ruli) and it didn’t deliver on any of the plot intrigue it tried to stir up.

BUT! Ghost Game at least had… a little bit of heart. It felt like the creators knew their Digimon lore and did a fantastic job incorporating it into the monster of the week. I could really feel the love there.

Also on a side note, I am not just the Digimon equivalent to Gen-Oner, hating on things that are new and fetishizing the old. In fact, before I rewatched all of the seasons around 2020, I didn’t really care for the Adventure or Tamers. But my opinions did a total flip watching everything as an adult.

So, for a quick collection of thoughts before we move on to Pokémon:

What I like in a Digimon season:

1. Good characters with arcs that tackle bigger issues in a way kids can still understand and relate to without feel like they’re being talked down to.

2. Cute moments between members of the cast and their creatures.

3. Fights that feel like they mean something and aren’t just there for cool flashy effects.

4. A feeling of love and care for the franchise that goes beyond just trying to sell me toys and games.

Things I don’t like:

-OP mcs that solve every problem with the gimmick of the given seasons

-Flat, inconsistent characters that don’t feel like they have any agency or reason for doing what they’re doing besides that fact that they do indeed have Digimon.

-Pointless fights that are just there for no other reason than just to show a cool fight

-“BUY ALL OUR GAMES AND TOYS AT YOUR LOCAL HOBBY SHOP”

Okay now Pokémon.

Just like with Digimon here’s a little background with my history with the Pokémon anime

I’ve watched the original Pokémon anime up to Diamond and Pearl as a kid and I watched some of SM and most of Journey’s as an adult, but I’ve never really been big on anipoke.

Like at best it just felt like a cute show I could turn my brain off for and just vibe.

At worst it felt like a hyper sanitized toy/game commercial (Not blaming it, that was the anime’s main purpose after all).

Out of curiosity, I watched the new series. As much as I liked Ash, I really felt like he overstayed his welcome and they should have gotten rid of him and moved on ages ago since it felt like by DP there was nothing interesting to do with the character. The Pokémon world is huge and intresting, there was so much they could have done but Ash kind of felt like he bogged it down and stunted the anime’s growth past a point.

So yeah,I got excited when they finally pulled the plug and focused on a new set of characters so I gave Horizons a watch.

And I love it! It’s got heart, characters with development, a little bit of plot, and it’s cute? Like I was dumbfounded by the fact that a Pokemon anime, that I previously wrote off as just being a glorified ad, could be so good???

And then after thinking about what I liked so much about it, that’s when the topic of this essay hit me: Horizons feels like it has everything I long for in a modern Digimon anime, almost as if they took a page out of classic Digimon’s book. Like I always heard throughout the years that “Digimon had the better anime Pokemon has the better games” But Horizons really turned that on its head.

Let’s revisit my criteria for what I liked about the classic Digimon seasons from the section above to show what I mean. (Light Spoilers for Horizons ahead, though I wont go into specifics)

1. Good characters with arcs that tackle bigger issues in a way kids can still understand and relate to without feel like they’re being talked down to.

Yep. Horizons has that. Like the early seasons of Digimon, Horizons doesn’t just use it’s human characters as a vehicle to show you all the monsters you could catch if you bought the next game from your local shop for the low low price of 60 USD, nope. There feels like theres care there.

While they aren’t fully developed yet, Liko and Dot especially show huge character growth in the first 50 episodes. They focus on their flaws and how the characters overcome them.

Liko is very indecisive at first. She’s socially awkward, she feels like shes just going with the flow, afraid to take that first step to find out what she really wants out of life. Then, she finally does, she makes the decision to follow Friede and the Rising Volttacklers to find her new horizons. It’s great. And she still has lots of growing she can do later both as a trainer and as a character. She’s fantastic for a lead.

I also like how they use Sprigatito’s evolution as stand in for Liko’s growth so far in the series. Early Digimon did that too with the Crests in Adventure and the Bio Merging in Tamers and I always really like monster partners evolving to reflect their human so much, it’s such a good narrative device!

Dot slowly being brought out of her shell by Liko and the others is just- chefs kiss. She goes from being a reclusive shut in to slowly taking interest in the things Liko and co are doing and develops meaningful relationships with them. Her care for her friends and want to be there for them makes her take the first step and is now traveling around Paldea with them! And they went about this in a very well paced way where she still isn’t just magically over all her awkwardness and shut in tendencies yet. She too still has so much room for interesting development later down the road.

The adult characters are interesting too, even though they haven’t really done much yet. They really perfected that found family group of misfits trope that I’m usually pretty sick of. I love them.

And Amethio and the other villains also feel like they’re more than just your cackling evil for evil sake type characters and I’m super excited to see what they do with them!

And as far as the tackling bigger issues point: Though its just conjecture and I might be over thinking things (Though others in the fandom have pointed this out too) there’s definitely the groundwork for it here.

Liko’s family is very hands off and distant. Liko goes away to boarding school at the start of the series, her parents work, and her grandma is a vagabond traveling the world and doesn’t often stay in one place for long.

Liko lacks solid connections and foundation in her life due to her family being so closed off emotionally, which would explains her going with the flow and being unsure of what she really wants to do. She’s lost with no guidance. And it’s not like her family doesn’t love each other, no. They just don’t want to express their feelings for fear of it bogging each other down. They want Liko to be free to do what her heart tells her, but they’re so worried about talking things out that they don’t realize how that freedom has hurt Liko and made her into an anxious mess. (They even kind of hint at this in the second opening)

But yeah, like others have said, I’m not sure if this is on purpose or if they were trying to write Liko’s family to be full of strong women and just kind of accidentally fell into making them all feel too independent and distant from one another. And it would be really cool for the show to go into Liko’s home life more… but I’m not sure it would be on brand for Pokemon to talk about something so heavy. But fingers crossed!

2. Cute moments between members of the cast and their creatures.

Yep! Horizons has got plenty of it. Right now all of the main cast has two Pokemon each and they’re really taking the time to show off each Pokemon and give them a lot of wholesome moments together and with their trainers.

The human character interactions are great too! I really like the blossoming friendship between Liko and Dot (They could be roommates guys!) and the growing rivalry between Friede and Amethio! It’s great!

3. Fights that feel like they mean something and aren’t just there for cool flashy effects.

The fights in Horizons are so cool and well choreographed, but they aren’t just there to look pretty, not at all!

A lot of the fights that take place in the first two arcs are learning experiences for Liko, Roy, and Dot. They learn new strategies, their Pokemon learn new moves, and in the arc that’s airing at the time of writing, they’re learning how to terrestialize too. The fights don’t seem to happen without purpose and always seem like they either teach the characters a lesson about proper ways to be a trainer and even sometimes help them grow as characters too.

And theres even a healthy amount of losses and wins under the character’s belts and they drive home the lesson of “You learn more from a defeat”. I like how heavily they relied on the more experienced Friede at the beginning and they got frustrated from their losses and used it as fuel to want to learn to stand on their own two feet.

The fights are great and don’t just feel like a kid mashing two toys together like some series with battle elements can.

4. A feeling of love and care for the franchise that goes beyond just trying to sell me toys and games.

This is a little harder to explain and is more like a feel than anything. But I can definitely feel an air of care in Horizons that I don’t really see from shows that feel like twenty-three minute ads. The characters and story don’t just feel like they’re trying to sell me something.

While they’re definitely leaning heavy on the Paldea setting right now, it doesn’t feel like a straight adaption of the games. They don’t really do the “creature of the day” or “character of the day” type episodes like I remember seeing in past iterations of Anipoke. Horizons doesn’t have those moments that I feel like the character is looking right at me and saying “Buy Buy Buy”

And, at least so far, there seems to be a love for Pokemon with the way the reference Pokédex entries like with Hatenna being sensitive to strong emotions or what not.

Like I said, this is really more of a personal criteria and some people can be more sensitive to this kind of thing than others. The closest thing I can compare it to is like when you’re eating a meal a loved one made for you versus something you got at a diner or fast food restaurant. You don’t know how to put your finger on it but you can just taste the love… it’s like that with Horizons to me.

So yeah!

If you’ve read this far, thanks for listening to me rant! I’ll try to wrap it up here.

Basically I just really like Horizons. It gives me that same feel as when I was rewatching the classic Digimon seasons a view years ago… And like the way Horizons fixed all of the problems I had with Anipoke as a kid and as an adult is awesome, it really feels like Pokemon Company is making an effort to listen to criticism and better the series… I just really hope the Digimon anime can do the same.

Oh and all of this is just my opinion, if I said something that you don’t agree with about Digimon or Pokémon, I meant no offense and I’m happy to hear your opinions too!

I just want to close this by saying…

Fans of early Digimon, go watch Pokemon Horizons! You wont regret it!

Fans of Horizons go watch (the sub) of the first three or so seasons of Digimon! If you like Horizons and didn’t really click with Ash era Anipoke I think you’ll really have a good time, it’s so good!

I think both series could use more love, so go out there and give them both a watch!

Okay I’ll shut up now, thanks for reading!

[zephyrtheoctopie]

Doing the eyes emoji at your octo agent 3 oc so hard-

What is their deal I love them

I’m sosoisoso glad you asked I’ve beeen thinking about this little dudes backstory for so long and not I can finally spill the beans (it’s still somewhat of a rough draft but I’ve got some of the main details down)

I don’t have a name for him yet so for all intensive purposes his name is just octo agent for now, he’s a trans man btw just gotta note that

He was born to an octoling mother and an inkling father (who for obvious reasons wasn’t present in his life at all), but nobody could really tell because in my Splatoon universe inktolings don’t exist. Instead, the hybrid child usually is the species of the mother with some holdover traits from the father (as you can see little octo agent over here took the eye mask, sharp ears, and slightly shorter than the average octoling height from his father). His mom was able to chalk these traits off as simple defects, keeping the secret of her relationship with the enemy.

Because of his half inkling heritage, by default his general mindset was..different from the average octoling. The propaganda never really worked on him, he was more fun loving and rebellious than the other octolings. He had a gut feeling there was more to life than just the army. He just never knew how to access it.

He excelled in his training classes and even became an elite octoling, but found himself the subject of relentless teasing and bullying by his elite peers due to his differences in mindset and appearance, which only reinforced his desire to escape this life.

Little known to him, what was meant to be a recon mission in upper Octo Valley became that ticket to freedom, yap yap yap he convinced Capn Cuttlefish to let him be Agent 3 (after LOTS and I mean LOTS of pestering).

The rest is history!

admittedly the story is a bit flawed, but honestly I just wanted to have fun making this guy. I really enjoy drawing him in all his stupid glory

thanks for the ask!

im going to bed now

oh and maybe he also knew Marina and Acht.