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lemonmaid · 1 year

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Type of drinks and food they order from Starbucks!

Warnings: None!

Riddle Rosehearts : Royal English Breakfest Tea Lattle with brown sugar and a Red Velvet Loaf.

When he doesn't (when he is lazy) want to eat at Heartslabyul and have tea with others, he will stop by and get something small to take to class. Basic tea and a sweet loaf.

"Are you okay Riddle?".

"Yeah, am just overwhelmed. I need something fast and simple just to get the day over with".

"Is it that type of day already?".

"Yes, you can blame that duo of yours".

"Do you want shared custody?".

"If they keep waking me up in the middle of the night. Yes".

Leona Kingscholar : White Mocha with raspberry syrup and an Impossible Breakfest Sandwich

Listen when this man got the Impossible sandwich he thought it was a regular sausage sandwich, he still does, don't tell him he is eating vegan meat.

I also feel like he doesn't drink a lot of coffee, it's like a once-a-month thing for him when he is feeling peckish.

"White Mocha today Leona?".

"Yeah... I forgot that we have a pop quiz today in Trein's class".

"Oh shit, is that today?".

"Yes, also can you get me that sandwich that Ruggie always brings me?".

"Yeah, the impossible?".

"Yes that... also what's in it? What makes it "impossible"?".

"Uhhhh".

Azul Ashengrotto : Americano adds four shots and the Mushrooms & Kale egg bites.

This man loves those disgusting americanos, even more disgusting he keeps adding shots, he is business savvy and has to stay awake to deal with the Leech twins shit.

"Sir, I really don't feel comfortable giving this drink to you..."

"Why?"

"Because this is your third Grande Americano with four extra shots...... it already has four.... You've basically had 24 shots of expresso..."

Kalim Al-Asim : anything from tic tok and a Tomato & Mozzarella on Focaccia

This man is the type of customer who just shows a picture in the batista face.

"CAN I HAVE THIS??".

"Umm yeah, is Jamil okay with you coming here to drink? You know assassination? I could poison your drink right now".

"Psh it's fine, besides I've heard this drink is basically Neapolitan ice cream! But i wonder what Jamil would want.."

"Probably a shot-in-the-dark".

Vil Schoenheit : Chocolate Cream Cold Brew and a Feta Wrap

I feel like he doesn't really like sweet drinks "too much sugar", so he gets something bland but has a sweeten taste. It's like regular coffee but cold and instead of creamer you're putting melted whip cream on top.

"Samethinh always?"

"Yes, I'm so exhausted. My phone kept blowing up, Stan twitter is really something else".

"Oh yeah, I heard Epel talked about that. Are you getting canceled or something?"

"Ugh, no I wish. Me and Neige were seen eating brunch yesterday and now we are being shipped or media outlets saying "OH wHaT a KiND hEArT NieGe hAS foR MaKInG uP with ViLaN aCtoR ViL".

"Wish you luck on that, here's your drink by the way"

"Ugh, you're going probably remake this, there's too much water not enough cold brew".

Idia Shroud : Matcha Crème Frappuccino and Cheese Danish

When he does come out of his room, instead of the library he goes to the Starbucks café and plays video games or study.

"Um (Name) can you make it extra pretty, like in the picture? I wanna take a photo for my discord normies to prove I get out of my room".

"Yeah of course! Do you want caramel or honey on your Cheese Danish by the way?"

"Caramel but I want the Danish hot".

"So when you work, do you think as it as Papa's Freezeria but real life?"

"You need to get out more and yes. Yes I do, I even hear the music in my head".

Malleus Draconia : Caramel Macchiato with hazelnut and Coffee Cake

He only came to visit you, I doubt this man has drank any caffeine in his life. So when you asked what he wanted he saw the first thing and order it. I can't say if he liked it though, but do you know when cats' eyes dilate? Yeah his eyes were like that for a while, then he would randomly twitch, and purr.

"Okay, Malleus. Let's stop with the coffees, we have tea you know.... we even have cake pops".

"Coffee cake...."

"Malleus...."

Authors Note:

Hey guys! Sorry I've been so busy, I literally just started working and I got out of training yesterday and my manager came up to me ans was like "do you wanna be manager?" Appernlty everyone is leaving the store, so it will be me and two other people, who've by the way, worked longer than I have. I'm just tired and busy, but I am trying to get Isseked Baby Reader out soon, I just want to make it a longer chapter, so you guys can enjoy that while I girlboss my way to owning an apartment.

Thank you guys so much for the support and likes!

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pahtoosh · 1 year

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soup saturday

[image ID: a photo collage with images of Sebastian Stan, soup, and heart-shaped carrots on a lime green background. /.end ID]

masterlist

18+

wc: ~1060 words

warnings: fluff. reader is in kidspace. very cheesy ending. disregard the types of soup present in the moodboard, Buckles is making whatever soup you like!

a/n: this may be the strangest moodboard I've ever made. y'all would not BELIEVE how many images there are of heart-shaped carrots on pinterest. it is very late and I do not have my glasses on so I hope it's cool😎

pairing: chef!daddy!bucky x gn!little!reader

summary: you and your favorite chef make a delicious pot of soup

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Go real slow, alright, Munchkin? One slice at a time and don’t forget to curl your fingers in.”

“Yes! I can do it, Daddy.” You nodded your head vigorously, then cut the moment short, remembering that you had to be calm and in control of your body to do the task.

Bucky was teaching you how to properly cut vegetables. He noticed your big self struggling a bit with cooking and wanted to share some of his knowledge from culinary school with you. He intended on teaching you these knife skills while you were still big, but you’d been having a rough week and regressing more often than not at home.

Today you were in kid space and wanted nothing more than to help your Daddy in the kitchen. It was Soup Saturday which meant Bucky would start a pot of soup in the morning, letting it cook all day for the most delicious dinner.

Bucky tried keeping you occupied with measuring spices; however, you wanted to be just like him and do the harder tasks too. He was hesitant to let you use a knife, but you promised to be extra careful and let Bucky finish chopping the vegetables when they got too small for you to hold.

Luckily, Bucky had a few kid-safe knives tucked away in a cabinet. After a few minutes of showing you the proper technique and some hand-over-hand assistance, you were ready to cut up the vegetables on your own. Within a few minutes, you had cut up two whole carrots by yourself.

“You did so good, Bubba! These carrots are going to be delicious in our soup.”

You set your little knife down and shyly looked at the ground with a small, proud smile on your face. “Thank you, Daddy. Do I put them in the bowl now?”

“Not yet, little chef. Daddy’s got a surprise for you.” Bucky went back into the tall cupboard where he kept the kid-safe knives and pulled out a box that made a clinking sound when he moved it. He handed it to you. “Think you can open this?”

You nodded and pulled off the lid, revealing an assortment of metal shapes. “What is it, Daddy?”

“They’re like very small cookie cutters, so you can cut your vegetables into all sorts of shapes.” Bucky gently took the box from your hands and emptied it onto the table so you could see the new tools.

“Wow!” you giggled.

“Do you wanna make the carrots into fun shapes while I cut the rest of the vegetables?”

“Yes, yes, yes!”

Bucky chuckled at your enthusiasm and pressed a kiss to your head before resuming his task. The two of you worked in a comfortable silence until all the ingredients were ready for the soup. While you washed your hands, Bucky came from behind and started washing your hands for you. He knew you were fully capable of doing it yourself, but he couldn’t resist your adorable laugh.

“Daddy!” you squealed. “Can do it myself, I’m big today!”

“I don’t know, my little munch. You still look like a baby to me.” Bucky teased. He rinsed off the suds and dried your hands, then he made a silly act of pretending that your hands had disappeared under the towel. You could not stop laughing and held onto Bucky, much to his delight.

Once you had both calmed down, Bucky moved all the soup ingredients next to the stove and got out his soup pot. Bucky’s soup pot was the largest cooking vessel you had ever seen. It showed signs of being well-loved after being passed down in his family for generations. Every time he made soup, it had to be in this pot. Bucky went so far as to claim that he only knew how to make soup for a crowd of people. It would take weeks for the two of you to finish such a large portion, so the leftovers were distributed to your friends(Sam could never say no to home-cooked food) or frozen for when one of you had a sick day.

The only downside to this pot was that it was too tall for you to see what Bucky was doing. The sautéed onions and bloomed spices were doing wonders for your nose, but your brain wanted so badly to see what your Daddy was doing. It was mesmerizing to see Bucky in the kitchen. He was in his element, moving with confident strokes as if he’d spent every second of his life cooking.

You needed to see it.

“Dadaaa,” you pouted.

“Yes, Honeybun?” Bucky asked, not looking away from the pot.

“Hmph.” You stomped your foot, hoping to get his attention.

“Use your words, Munchkin. Daddy can’t read minds.”

“Can’t see soup, Dada.”

“Oh, well the soup’s not done yet. It’ll be ready at dinnertime, baby.”

“No! Wanna see Dada make soup.”

Bucky stopped his stirring as he finally understood what you were saying. “You wanna see inside the pot while Daddy’s cooking?”

“Yes! Please, Daddy?” You clasped your hands in front of you and bounced on your toes.

“Okay,” Bucky turned off the stove. “Only because my baby has such good manners.” He kissed your forehead and quickly grabbed a stepping stool from the closet.

He placed the stool a comfortable distance from the stove so that you could see into the pot without being too close to the heat. “Alright, Pumpkin. Now you just stand on this stool and hold onto the counter if you need to. Don’t touch the stove and don’t start leaning forward. Daddy’s gonna be keeping an eye on ya, so don’t do anything naughty or I’ll take the stool away and you won’t be able to see the soup.”

He made you repeat the rules back to him before lifting you onto the stool.

You let out a small gasp. “I can see the pot, Dada!”

Bucky grinned. “Good, Baby. Can you name the ingredients in the pot?”

Time flew by as Bucky cooked and occasionally quizzed you on cooking terms. When he was done, the two of you cleaned up the kitchen and worked on chores around the house while the soup simmered away. Finally, it was dinner time and you got to enjoy your hard work. Every day with Bucky as your caregiver was amazing, but Soup Saturdays were something special.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated!

#toosh writes #bucky x little!reader #daddy!bucky x little!reader #chef!daddy!bucky #chef!daddy!bucky x little!reader #chef!daddy!bucky x gn!little!reader #cg!bucky #chef!bucky x little!reader #gn!little!reader #sfw #fluff #oneshot #sfw littlespace #sfw regression #soup saturday #soup-saturday

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taikk0 · 10 months

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I COMPLETELY FORGOT MY LITTLE PARK EXISTED NOW I'M REWRITING THE ENTIRE FIRST EPISODE OF MLP FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC BUT WITH CUSS WORDS AND SOUTH PARK-ESQUE HUMOR PURELY BECAUSE THE OBSESSION IS EATING ME ALIVE (any batshit crazy/insanely funny jokes you recommend for me to insert, since you are the og My Little Park fan? :))) )

OH I MIGHT HAVE A FEW...

Randy (Celestia) gaslights the audience, lying about why his wife (Sharon takes the role of Luna) got banished to the moon in the intro, turns out the reason she got sent to the moon was all his fault, and not because she's actually evil, and he's just an asshole of a princess and a really shit ruler. No one has any idea how Equestria is still standing

THIS JOKE during the scene where Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine, and Minuette invite Twilight to Moondancer's party and she declines. I have no idea who the other three are in the AU but this is just so in character for Stan imo

the creator of the AU mentioned that Stan, Randy, and Sharon have never met in person before, and Randy and Stan have only communicated through letters. I think it would be really funny to have an emotional moment where Sharon and Randy are revealed to be his parents "you saved me... I'm so proud of you, my son..." and everyone gasps but disingenuously, like a "WWHAAT!! NO WAY!! 😱😱" like they were played by bad actors since it's been so obvious since the very beginning, where the audience knows that the rulers of Equestria are Randy and Sharon and end up making the connection early on, but the characters don't. And I find it so funny if their reaction was genuine for the characters but not in the delivery to make a jab at the "twist" everyone saw coming. "you've grown so much since I last saw you I almost didn't recognize you! I love you so much... I-I'm sorry" "no no, it's okay Mom! you tried to murder me because you felt alone and unloved, isolated... [MY LITTLE PONY THEME STARTS TO PLAY IN THE BACKGROUND] Without friendship and without the love in your heart, you turned into something monstrous. The envy and hatred you must have felt for the princess was too much! because she was always a better leader, and let everyone in Equestria do what they wanted! so you decided to use your gift for selfishness and misdeeds that-" "wait what?! what are you talking about?! I wasn't banished to the moon because I was jealous of Celestia!" "you... weren't..?" "I was banished to the moon because SHE thought I was a nagging bitch for wanting her to be a better ruler!! she kept forgetting to lower the sun. and when she wasn't, she said she needed some extra time for her pot farm to get more sunlight! like for christ's sake Randy these people haven't gotten any sleep for almost a month now and all you do is sit on your ass in the throne room doing fuck all while everyone in the kingdom went hysterical!! and-" "Randy?? wait. if you're my mom, then does that mean that the princess...?" "That's right my faithful student!" Randy descends from the heavens like a dove with an evangelical light beaming behind him "I... am your father." and shit happens I guess idk I'm not a writer this is probably so very very terrible but hope I got the point across, but after this, I want stans whole takeaway to be: "holy shit princess, you're my dad?!" to "oh. this is the princess...? AND my dad?"

Craig introducing the Tucker family but most of them are just stripes. going from photos of stripe #1 to #11 sliding to each photo that all look exactly the same, but skipping #4. later introducing #4 along with Thomas, Laura, and Tricia. this makes absolutely no sense, I just found it funny to have a ridiculous replacement for the Apple family scene because there's no way we can naturally replace it. "Why are there so many stripes?" "That's his extended side of the family."

Something about flutter-butters and these birds

Just Cartman in this au. he is so uncharacteristically nice and fun and loveable that I think every scene he's in he needs to be so sickeningly sweet and all of South Park loves him that he makes the audience uncomfortable by being the complete opposite of who he actually is. like rabbi cartman but cranked up to the max.

"The true meaning of friendship isn't to face your hardships alone, it's to drag other people down with you <3" and everyone celebrates like there's absolutely nothing wrong with that friendship lesson Kyle steps out from the crowd "Y'now, I learned something today too, and it's that-" and the camera pans to Randy, Sharon, and Stan having their own conversation that moves the story along. You can still hear Kyle in the background, and you can still hear him talking and doing hand gestures out of focus. No one is paying attention to Kyle.

Something about Craig being the element of honesty but sounding like he's lying all the time but it's literally just how he talks and it never changes

Not really a joke idea, but the thought of Cartman singing the laughter song, especially with his voice and weird accent is so funny to me that I really wish someone could make an ai cover of it..................

BALD KENNY?????? I'M REWATCHING THE EPISODES RIGHT NOW AND THE THOUGHT OF KENNY JUST SPENDING HALF THE EPISODE BALD IS SO FUNNY PLEASE LET HIM BE BALD

Something I really want to see in this rewrite personally (and My Little Park content in general) is the way you can parody MLP when it's mixed in with a show like South Park, and how ridiculous it is to see South Park mixed in with a show like MLP. Make it a self-aware Steven Universe but it's the version of Steven Universe that the Steven Universe haters think it is. And make the Disney Junior version of Family Guy.

anddddddd that's it for me LOL not really much of a writer. good luck on the rewrite though, hope you have fun!! ^^ To be honest, I'm not really that funny either, and the thought of writing my own south park jokes, especially with the jokes that are IN South Park?? YEAH NO SORRY I AM STAYING SO FAR AWAY 💀 That's what I like about My Little Park, I get to enjoy South Park without enjoying South Park. I have such a love-hate relationship with SP it's RIDICULOUS. I like South Park but only version of it I made up in my head <3

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wegonbealright-09 · 7 months

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Hey,

Came across your blog on my feed, I hope you’ll find it within yourself to consume bts related content to see how much all the members care about each other.

I don’t really understand but I can empathize with solo stans, it feels like you’re fighting or campaigning for something that doesn’t really have any basis, you ( and many others ) have contributed to the us versus them mentality, I’m not sure how it is beneficial for either party.

Try to spread kindness when you can, assuming members are ‘jealous’ of another member’s achievements is odd to me, also comparing other groups is odd as well. They’re all in the same industry, there shouldn’t be any competition because as you mentioned everyone is gonna ‘get their bag’.

This kpop space is vast, achievements can be shared, celebrated, and achieved again and again. There is no shortage of love that you can spread. I’m not sure if you are solo stan because you like the community, believe in what you think, or you use it as a form to release your stress out on celebrities, but I hope you can find it within yourself to participate in fan culture in a positive way.

this is by no means hate, I hope you don’t take it that way. You can like one member in a group, it just doesn’t look right to put down the other members in it, now that is my opinion and you can take it as you will.

Hope you have a good day

- anon army

Ten points for your way of approaching this.

Okay so I was never a solo, I've only became a solo after Face if I'm dating it back correctly when jk released his concept photo that's when I stopped being an army and a shipper completely. I was an army for five years anon five years. I didn't just wake up and decided I'm gonna be a solo I'm done being an army no somethings happened and now we're here.

When I started this blog I was bit too negative and so I did what you said and watched BTS content with hopes of reviving something in me idk what but something. Truth is when you're a solo, it opens your eyes about alot of things. Armies are too naive you guys want to push this image of BTS that existed 5 years ago. You want to continue and live in this bubble and away from reality. Wake up and smell the coffee.

Yes namjoon was jealous of jimin getting that number one and yes he was insecure about the numbers that he pulled just like Hobi was about his which he said in his documentary. Yes yoongi is mean to jimin yes he gives jimin backhanded compliments and yes yoongi sometimes says things that may seem like he downplays jimin and makes him feel insecure yes yoongi has body shamed jimin times more than once, it's not a joke if only one of us is laughing it's not a joke if the person being made fun of is not laughing it's not typically boy behaviour it's bullying. Yes Tae is selfish and he's a leech he only wants to be friends with jimin when it benefits him that much is visible now, he always makes it seem like jimin is the most important person to him where as he's the least, he has time for everybody not for him, he'd go the extra mile for anybody but not even quarter a mile for jimin it's not really a friendship, a healthy friendship if only one person is pulling the weight. Jungkook is the worst person ever for all the things he's done to jimin and still continues to do. For the way he acts like being next to jimin hurts him physically for him making it seem like jimin is forcing himself to him for him "loving" jimin in private but acts the opposite in public for him seeming comfortable when with anyone but not jimin.

I'm not going to spread positivity because there's nothing to be positive about. The fandom it's self has turned to something I don't know armies are now jimin antis. BTS themselves are no longer themselves and we can't deny that but you'll since y'all like acting like everything is perfect. I can't spread positivity when there's an elephant in the room which armies are refusing to address. I won't spread positivity when armies are acting like pjms are the enemies for streaming jimin's music for standing up for him. There's nothing to be positive about. And idk what groups are you talking about because not once have I ever mentioned groups in this blog the only group I talk about is bts

But if you're referring to that post where I talked about how jimin's no1 gagged everybody. Well it did getting that no1 is everybody's dream in kpop they might not say it but they do. What some groups couldn't do in years soloist jimin did in 5 days it is what is it's not that deep.

I can like jimin and I can hate the rest of BTS ( of which I don't) because it's a free world and I'm a grown woman I can do what I want.

And no honey there's no negativity in this blog it's just positive vibes always I just seem negative when I lean a little bit towards the truth and it hits a certain nerve.

Your opinion is very much valued thanks but not thanks

Yours sincerely

wegonbealright-09

#jimin #park jimin #positivity #positive vibes #bts #bangtan #kpop #wegonbealright 09

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thesunoosshining · 4 months

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chapter: extra (r.n)

-> profiles ! pt 2 ; dumber

y/n yang ; fizz’s y/n. claims she's a ni-ki fan. her friends just say she's just in love with him. not-so-secretly stupid.

kaia baek ; fizz’s kaia. why is she leading this group? she doesn't know, either. done with you and your bullshit. she will call you out. the only one who should ever be trusted to wingwoman.

ria kang ; fizz’s ria. she has too much energy for [insert time of day]. it doesn't matter what time it is. self-proclaimed #1 jake stan (that will change). delusional but quote on quote "like as a joke. it's ironic. it's irony"

eun lee ; fizz’s eun. never trust her to wingwoman. delusional. delulu is not the solulu! she's always got your back, though. supportive till the end! will offer to beat up guys who hurt you but would probably get battered if she actually did try to fight them.

(photos of the girls from pinterest. i know people usually use other idols but 😭 i dunno i just tend to make ocs instead. they’re all based of my irl friends but shhhh)

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drop an ask or comment to be added to the taglist!

#❣️; chapter: extra #📱; smau #enhypen smau #enhypen x reader #nishimura riki #riki nishimura x reader

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bucky-boychik-barnes · 1 month

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For Cal and Oz, pleaseeee

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

💀 - Does your OC have any phobias?

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

and making up my own question: What do your OC's look like? Like if you were to make a moodboard or a pinterest collage or like face claim or something what would it look like?

🧠 -I like everything about Calum and Oz akdbsja, how they were best friends as kids and chose each other as partners when they got older, and how much they love and cherish and take care of each other, and how Oz is dramatic and Calum so indulging of him. Also I can live vicariously through them by writing all their fancy things and vacations.

💀 - Oz is terrified of snakes and spiders. Calum's baby sister is better at dealing with spiders than Oz is. Being in Ireland, you would think the snake thing would not be an issue - except for the lost pet snake in the recently bought used car ordeal. And then their son Doyle develops an interest in herpetology, and he is not going to discourage his kids' interests.

I don't know of any phobias Calum has, but I feel like he handles fear the exact same way he handles being sick - by ignoring it completely until forced by others. (Idk if you ever saw Brooklyn 99, but Rosa's, "I'm not sick, my healthy body is just exhibiting cold symptoms," is extremely Calum.) So there isn't anything to be afraid of because he will Handle It, just like he Handles Everything.

🎹 - Oz loves to work on cars (Both his and the kids PowerWheels, vroom vroom) and play video games (Luigi is his main and Luigi's Mansion is his favorite), and he has a stack of romance novels from the library he keeps in rotation. He is delighted that lately so many of them have been queer romance.

Calum likes doing metalwork, like making rings and necklaces and other jewelry, as well as woodwork, both whittling and bigger pieces. He plays video games with Oz, but I don't know if it is a hobby for him. He knows how to play piano and enjoys working out. But his favorite hobby is spoiling Oz like the giant princess he is.

And for your extra questions 🥰

Oz's face claim is Colin Farrell, with the same hair and eye color. Oz is 6'5" and has strong arms and shoulders, but is somewhat jiggly around his stomach and thighs and everywhere else. (It drives Calum feral, a little.)

Calum's face claim is Sebastian Stan, with green eyes. He's a little over six foot tall, and has the same build as this mirror selfie SebStan took (Oz wasn't okay that day.)

Also, am I going to make moodboards now? If I can find queer enough stock photos.

#calum and oz #my original characters #ask box

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alister312 · 1 year

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South Park Fukuoka Pop-Up

Thanks to a heads up from the ever lovely @/danilazuli, I found out about another South Park pop-up shop opening today! Unlike the last two which were in Tokyo, this one is in Fukuoka. Since that means I don’t have to get on a flight to get there, I went after work today.

First difference from the anniversary one in Tokyo last summer is that this one wasn’t its own store, but instead shared the space with some other pop-up events going on. Specifically, a Capcom pop-up, a Doraemon pop-up, and TMNT pop-up. This meant it was much smaller than the big Tokyo one I went to and didn’t really have any extra themed stuff like the school bus photo op.

As you can see, it was pretty much just the merch. This was still pretty nice because they had a lot of stuff from both the anniversary Tokyo pop-up and the second one I didn't go to! In particular, my friend and I were thrilled to see that they had the non-pixel acrylic standee with all four main boys that completely sold out last summer. Unlike the other ones that sold out, that one was not sold as a part of the secondary distribution in Village Vanguards so this was very exciting. They also had the Creek-themed totes, something only sold at the second pop-up that I didn’t see being resold online afterward.

Other highlights include many character buttons and keychains. They only seemed to have the Stan, Butters, and Towlie acrylic keychains, though they also had Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman as well last summer. I’m not sure if they stopped selling those ones or if they were simply out of them for the day. I’ll check when I go back again. I don’t remember the buttons or the plasticky key pouches being available at last summer’s pop-up, but maybe they were at the other Tokyo pop-up. Or maybe they’re exclusive to the Fukuoka one! I’m not sure.

Speaking of stuff I hadn’t seen before, I don’t think they had these shirts at either of the Tokyo pop-ups before. I really like both of them! The pixel Butters is very cute and simple, but the Let’s Fighting Love one is just so funny and classic. I didn’t get either one today but I’m definitely considering it for when I go back 👀

Even if I didn’t get the shirts, I did get a bunch of other stuff! I have quite a lot of clothes, but as I said, I am very tempted. One of the things the pop-up advertised was a sticker if you spent ¥3000 (~$30). I assumed this was just one sticker if you spent at least that much, but apparently it was one sticker for every ¥3000 you spent. I got 2 of these stickers. They’re blue with the classic lineup and I honestly like it a lot. I do wish they had more more options though, especially because it’s very easy to spend over ¥3000 (all of the shirts are ¥3300).

All in all, I think it was definitely worth the trip over there! Hopefully a lot of people go to it and let Matt and Trey know that there’s fans down in Kyushu.

#south park #sp merch #sp fandom #sp #サウスパーク #don’t ask me how much i've spent on merch at these damn pop ups. or how much i will continue to spend.#if anyone has questions or requests for when i go back later lemme know lol

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mandareeboo · 11 months

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Total Drama Island Review, "Not So Happy Campers- Part 1"

Total Drama! It's such an odd show. I'd say about, hmm, 60% of the jokes have aged poorly? But it's such a facet of most of our childhoods. It matters a lot to us even with all of that- and I just think that's neat.

As previously discussed, each elimination round will be held by us as well! Every time someone is voted off the Island, I will hold a poll at the bottom asking who you think should have left that week! Just as a bit of extra fun.

This particular series won't have any Character Introductions, simply because there's so many characters and they're introduced by the show itself, but it will have the usual Synopsis, Fun Tidbits, Character Mistakes, and final Votes!

SYNOPSIS

We open on Chris McLean, a washed-up Hollywood star hoping to revitalize his career. He tells us all about the reality show he's producing- he claims it's somewhere in Muskoka, that twenty-two teenagers have signed up to live here for eight weeks, and at end the winner will be gifted a small fortune and tabloid fame.

The point of this show is the same as ever other reality show- drama. Every three days the campers compete in challenges. The losing team must then decide who to vote off with the iconic marshmallow. The camper voted off is then jetted off on the boat of losers- home, he claims, but everyone whose watched this show knows he's lying.

"Who will crumble under the pressure? Find out here, right now, on Total. Drama. Island!"

"We told them they'd all be staying at this five star resort, so if they seem a little TO'ed that's probably why."

One by one, we meet the campers. We get a little segment on all of them, showcasing exactly the kind of shenanigans we should expect. It's a long list so buckle up:

Beth, sweet but blunt, hugs Chris proclaiming he's a bit short. DJ is a kindhearted guy with a love for animals, high-fiving Chris before grumbling about the application form bullshitting him. Gwen is sullen but not unrightly so, ripping up her contract. Chris laughs that he has more. Geoff parties right off the boat, just a genuinely chill guy. Lindsay is a nice girl but doesn't have a lot going on upstairs other than amazing hair. Heather, clearly less than pleased, recoils from Beth and looks ready to have a hernia. Duncan's fresh from juvie and somehow managed to smuggle a radio into his bag. Tyler- athletic but uh. Not great at sticking the landing. Harold, quiet but intense, is excited to get started. Trent's a guy with a guitar whose probably attractive if you're a teenager and into men, neither of which I was when I saw first watched this show rip. Either way he and Gwen hit it off. Bridgette is a surfer girl who is all about saving animals, even going vegetarian. She accidentally whacks Chris with her board passing through.

Halfway there!

Noah is book-smart and got a sharp tongue. He has life-threatening allergies which Chris casually brushes off. Leshawna is charismatic and loud, something Harold mentions and gets told off for. Katie and Sadie are friends who took the "twinsies!" trend waaaaaaay too seriously. Ezekial is home-schooled and not allowed out much. Cody's got a lot of pep but rolled low on charisma stats. Eva is strong but short-tempered. Owen's a big guy with a big heart and a LOT of love to share. Courtney is proper and a bit full of herself. Justin gets a personality later but for now he's just eye candy. Owen instantly gets a crush and we stan a bisexual king. And Izzy is either a woman with mental issues or a secret genius, depending on the theories you buy into, and crashes chin-first into the deck.

Chris calls the campers to the end of the dock for a promo photo and it collapses beneath them.

"Everyone say Wawanakwa!"

Given ten minutes to dry off, the campers are gathered at the campfire. Chris promises one hundred thousand dollars to the winner- an amount that really isn't worth the hassle, looking back on it- and announces the cabins are co-ed, with women on one side and men on the other. Gwen complains but is shut down by Tyler, who reminds her he's sleeping next to Duncan- currently noogieing a deer.

The campers are then split into two teams: The Screaming Gophers and The Killer Bass. Gwen, Trent, Heather, Cody, Lindsay, Beth, Katie, Owen, Leshawna, Justin, and Noah make the Screaming Gophers, while the Killer Bass are made up of Goeff, Bridgette, DJ, Tyler, Sadie, Izzy, Courtney, Ezekial, Duncan, Eva, and Harold.

Chris explains that everyone will be on tape constantly- even in the toilets, which are designed for private video diaries to let the people back home hear their personal thoughts.

The campers move in (Gophers to the East, Bass to the West) with some mild friction. Heather and Gwen get off on the wrong foot, Cody tries to flirt with Gwen, Lindsay gets a dose of reality upon realizing everyone showers together, and everyone gets a little homophobic about Owen liking to have sleepovers with guys. Still stanning a bisexual king.

Chris further explains that there's no chaperones, leaving twenty-two teenagers to be, well, teenagers. A few on both sides of the cabins get together to murk a cockroach that invades the Gopher's female cabin.

"Listen up! I serve it three times a day, and you will eat it three times a day. Grab your tray, getcha food, and sit your butts down, NOW!"

We meet the other host, Chef Hatchet, serving fiddles at the cafeteria. Chef is a retired military man implied to have been in at least one war. He serves as the camp chef and also as Chris' partner in crime.

Some of the kids fuss over major food groups, but Chef shuts them down. He feeds the scrawny campers extras. Leshawna tries to befriend Eva but is rebuffed. Everyone tucks into food that's still a bit wiggly and Chris returns to introduce the viewers to the main lodge.

Goeff asks for a pizza, and Chef yeets a literal hatchet into the wall. Judging by Chris' lack of reaction, this is not the first time. Terrified, the kids stop asking. Chris explains the first challenge is in an hour and dips back to eat some gold-plated caviar or something.

"What do you think they'll have us do?" "It's our first challenge. How hard can it be?"

Regrouping in their swimsuits, the campers find themselves at the highest peak of Wawanakwa overlooking shark-infested waters. Recognizing the trope, DJ cuts the first half off with a well-placed "Oh, shit."

FINAL REVIEW

It doesn't feel right to rate one half of a two-parter, so for now this stays un-rated! I will say it's not shaping up to be my favorite by far, if only for Chris. He feels much less.... himself in the first episode. I guess I'm used to his later, more eager sadism.

It was a great way to introduce the concept and characters, though!

Votes

No one's walked the dock of shame as of yet, so I figured why not have a silly, fun poll this time around! Just to get the juices flowing.

#Total Drama Island #Total Drama #Not So Happy Campers #Manda Reviews #Feel free to send me constructive criticism!#I'm new to reviewing so this is a medium I'mma be working on throughout the season

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tinabelcherseroticfriendfiction · 2 years

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Paparazzi

Title: Paparazzi Fandom: RPF: Sebastian Stan Pairing: Sebastian Stan/(female)Reader Rating: PG-13 Warnings: Fatphobia, internet trolls, bullying, body dysmorphia, depression, anxiety, etc. Sebastian being the best boyfriend (yes, that is a warning, shut up) Summary: You and Seb have been dating for a while, and while you try to keep out of the spotlight, a surprise paparazzi photo of you arises on the internet and trolls have taken to attacking you. Sebastian comes to the rescue, reminding you that you're perfect no matter what any online bully says.

Yet again, shout out to my beta reader @welcome-to-the-sin-zone for putting up with me :P love you, girl! I do not typically write real person fanfictions, so this is probably going to be the only one I ever write. But enjoy!

User15428654: did u see teh photos of him and his “girlfrined” at the beach? she looks like a beached whale!

User47504165: He looked like he was having fun. She makes him happy, what does her weight have to do with anything?

User58462465: shes a fat bitch. shes just a gold digger, anyway. Theres no way he actually likes her. she probably just gives great head or something.

User14984145: Seriously, he could have anyone, and he’s wtih this fat cow. The hell? She so ugly.

You sighed and closed your laptop. It wasn’t like you went looking for the negative comments. It was just a hazard of the internet. You had gone online to look for more fanfictions when you managed to tumble down the rabbit hole that is Tumblr, and ended up on a you-bashing thread where everyone was commenting on the paparazzi photo of you and Sebastian that got leaked earlier that week.

You knew dating a celebrity had consequences. It was one of the many things the two of you had discussed before you agreed to start dating. When you met, you were just a team member of the catering business hired for one of his movies, but you had hit it off so well, he asked you out and you’d been dating ever since. But you both took extra precaution to avoid the spotlight.

Sebastian would invite you to every event, party, and premier he went to, and you would always decline. You weren’t supermodel beautiful. You weren’t this blonde haired blue eyed, 110lb little actress or model that usually hung off the arms of celebrities.

No, your entire life you’ve been reminded that you’re ugly. Fat. And that keeps you out of the spotlight. Your mental health was fragile enough as it was, you didn’t need internet trolls or anyone else making you feel worse.

But Seb had convinced you to go on vacation with him. Not that there had been much convincing. You had jumped on the opportunity to get away, just the two of you, for a week of relaxation and fun. You had gone scuba diving, boating, swimming, and dolphin watching. It was the best week of your life.

Until a photo of you in your swimsuit surfaced the internet. Now, you were back home, in your tiny ass apartment in New York while Seb was at another one of his events, and you had just wanted to read some fanfiction for the night.

Eyes stinging with unshed tears, you shoved your laptop into your bedside table and threw your phone against the wall, not caring if you broke it. This was why you had been hesitant to date him. You loved Seb. You really did, and he understood you. But being in the public eye was not something you ever wanted. And now, here you were. Feeling worse than you had in months. Your heart felt like it was literally trying to sink into your stomach, your stomach felt like you could vomit at any second, and the tears you had been holding back were now streaming down your face faster than you could wipe them away.

“Fuck!” you screamed, throwing yourself onto your bed and burying your face in your pillow.

Your whole life you’d been self-conscious of your weight, your parents having pointed it out ever since you were 4. You had tried every diet, been to more Weight Watchers meetings than you could count, and still nothing helped you lose weight. Your parents forced you into sports to try and make you lose weight and even that didn’t work.

There were days when your self-esteem was so low, you couldn’t look at yourself in the mirror. Your favorite outfits felt wrong, and you just wanted to take a scalpel to your body and carve away all the fat and rolls to create your perfect body.

Those days were the worst. And today was becoming one of them. You tried, you really did, to not let other people’s opinions of you sour your own opinion of yourself. But after over 28 years of not knowing who you were because you had tried to be someone else, it was hard. You’d tried your whole life to be the person others wanted. It wasn’t until you were around 28 that you finally started working on yourself to be authentically you.

But hearing people trash your boyfriend, the love of your life, because he was dating you, was the straw the broke the camel’s back. It was like every fear you’d had came to light. So you just curled up in bed and cried until you finally fell asleep, hating yourself more and more.

You were woken up by the sound of someone entering your apartment. Any other time, you’d have grabbed your baseball bat and charged like a madwoman at anyone who attempted to break into your place, but you felt so bad you just didn’t care. If they wanted to kill you, let them.

But then you heard Sebastian call your name and you sighed, pulling the blanket up over your head more. You really didn’t want him to see you like this, but your luck was always shit. So you weren’t surprised when he slipped into your tiny bedroom and sat down on the bed next to you .

“Hey, you asleep?” He asked softly as he rested his hand on your head.

“No…” You admitted, your voice rough from crying all night. “The event over?”

“Yeah, it ended last night. Are you alright?”

Last night? You frowned, glancing up from the covers at Sebastian. “What time is it?”

“It’s noon, baby,” He chuckled. “Are you sick? Or just tired? You haven’t answered your phone, I thought maybe you were sick…”

You sighed and rolled over, shaking your head. No, you weren’t sick. Not unless you counted the sickly feeling in your stomach from crying so much. “Just tired…” you lied.

It was an easy lie. One you’ve used more often that not throughout your life. “How was the… whatever it was?”

“It was good. Wish you had been there.” He always says that. “Scoot over, I wanna cuddle.”

“You know I don’t like the spotlight…” You did as he asked, scooting over as far as you could on the full sized mattress, making room for him.

“I know, but you would have had such a good time. Everyone was cracking dad jokes like it was their job,” He teased you, knowing your love of lame jokes, bad dad jokes, and puns.

You couldn’t bring yourself to even smile, though. “And if I had been there, all the jokes would have been about me!” You bit. “The fat bitch Seb is dating, oh look at the beached whale trying to squeeze into that dress, isn’t it fucking funny? I bet he doesn’t even have to move when they have sex, just smack her belly and ride the waves!”

“What -” Sebastian sat up and looked down at you, concern etched into his features. “What the hell are you going on about?” He asked, angry.

“Nothing.” you muttered, trying to bury your face into the pillow again, assuming he was pissed at you.

“No, no, no,” Sebastian grabbed your shoulder and rolled you over, actually looking at you for the first time that day, taking in your blood shot eyes, puffy bags underneath them, and the tear stains down your cheeks. “What happened? Who said that to you?” He demanded. “Give me their names. I’ll fucking kick their asses!”

“No one,” You muttered as you rubbed your eyes. “Just - a photo got leaked online and -” “Babe…” Sebastian reached out and brushed the tears off your face. “You are beautiful and perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing about you. And I know you know that, so what happened?” You shook your head a little and sighed, sitting up a bit on the bed and accepting Sebastian’s offer for a hug. “I just wanted to read some fanfictions…” You muttered. “I got on Tumblr and was just trying to find some good Stucky fics, yeah, I know. I’m a dweeb.” You felt Sebastian’s chuckle more than you heard it. “But somehow I ended up on this thread about the photo of me in a swimsuit on our vacation and I just…”

“Please don’t let internet trolls get to you, babe.” Sebastian pleaded. “They don’t know you, they’re just jealous.”

“I know. I know they’re just toxic fans and they’d find any excuse to complain about anyone you were dating, but I am fat. I know it, and I know I’m not some conventional beauty, or live up to any beauty standards, and it’s taken my whole life to try and be comfortable in my own skin, but it still hurts. It hurts so bad… And people posting about how we’re never seen in public because you’re ashamed of me - and I know you aren’t,” you quickly added before he could say anything. “I know. It’s my choice, and I want to reply and be like ‘listen, cunt, the reason he’s not seen with me is because I asked him not to! Not the other way around, you stubid fucking walnut’, but I can’t because I don’t wanna be attacked even more… I wish I was skinny… I really do. I want to be a size four with perky little tits and a small ass and a thigh gap so my legs don’t chafe as I walk, but that’s not the body I was born into. I’ll never be that girl. But I just -”

“People suck.” Sebastian rubbed your back. “And they’re taking cheap shots because it’s easy and makes them feel better about themselves. But you can’t let them get to you like this, baby. You are such an amazing person and you are so caring, and so kind. And so beautiful. Inside, and out. And if they can’t see that, that’s on them. I’d never want to change a thing about you, and I would love to show you off to the world. Show everyone what they could have, but they can’t. Because I have you.”

“I don’t want anyone attacking you because of me, though…” You admitted, looking up at him. “And you know they would.”

“Babe, people have been attacking me for everything from being too thick during Civil War to being too skinny during Pam and Tommy. They’ve accused me of everything from homophobia to racism. That’s part of being a celebrity”

You made a face and grumbled under your breath for a moment. “People suck.”

Sebastian chuckled again and kissed your cheek, nuzzling you. “Yeah, babe. They do.”

~*~Fin~*~

#fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction #fan fic #sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian fanfic #sebastian fanfiction #sebastian X you #sebastian x reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #tw fatphobia #tw depression #tw anxiety

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hologramcowboy · 2 years

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One thing that always makes me laugh is that AAs are saying that they looked so in love at the upfronts, while everyone else saw that they didn’t even look happy. It looked like it physically pained them to put there arms around each other, like they used to do. Not to mention their interviews were filled with tension. It just looked off. Then she overcompensated with those selfies she should’ve released right after the upfronts. Instead, she released them while Jensen was having much more fun in Europe with TB cast. Then he commented “Extra.”

I honestly think she released those photos because of Gen’s post, and that they’re still in New York and are taking pictures with fans. It wouldn’t surprise me if she saw that photo of Jared holding Gen’s purse, and she got jealous.

She's always trying to one up everybody but with no qualities so it's delusional level self appraisal. As for the interviews, fully agree with you Anon, if anything, they proved the Ackles lack chemistry, charisma and good energy together and yet Danneel stans and AAs are drinking it all up and I think at this point it's clear how fake they are. They only care to push the agenda because they think it will give them brownie points as far as Jensen is concerned but even they see by now the lack of love this couple has. I'm uncomfortable writing the word "couple" because they don't vibe that energy at all. I find it ironic, that, out of all of us, Jensen burned her in the perfect way. “Extra.” indeed.

#anti danneel #anti danneel ackles #anti elta #anti elta graul

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jaeyooniverse · 1 year

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sharing a refreshing melona bar with jaeyoon in honor of our 4th anniversary!! 💞

I'll try to not be super embarrassing in case someone actually reads this

I think I've mentioned this before but it's still mind boggling to me to think that at this point, I've been stanning for more than half the time sf9 has been active (as sf9). When I first joined I was, as everyone is when they first start out, a baby fantasy who felt like she had so much to catch up on, like I wasn't "that big of a fan" bc I wasn't there since the beginning. At the time sf9 was turning 3 and already finding their sound and style. But even if I was "late" I'm so happy I've found them and decided to be a fan. The way everything happened by chance I really feel like it's fate, the way everything played out. (My friend pointed out how I stanned seventeen in 2017 so of course 2019 would be the year for sf9😂) but I had been listening to them (the sensuous album, at least) since late 2018 but it wasn't until enough that I decided to check out more of their stuff. Even then, I think I was ready to just be a casual stan. But then they announced their tour and my friend and I had to go !! So to prep I binged their content bc I needed to know the people I'm about to see lolll

So that takes me to jaeyoon.. I was watching Star Road and got to his turn when he had to resist laughin/smiling while other members tickled him.. honestly I really cannot explain why I fell for him the way I did...but for whatever reason the moment I saw him I swear my heart skipped and I was like HIM. That's my sf9 bias!! And he's been able to maintain the title ever since (yes we've had some bias wrecking but....we won't talk about that rn dgjfgsksh) and seeing him in person!!!! Just made it even more clear how attracted I was to him like not just abt his appearance but his character I just have always loved his energy and personality he's always such a wonderful and endearing person to watch how could I NOT love him??? But then as I started to really stan (literally the moment I left the concert I was like I HAVE to stan now) I just found more and more things i love about him. His relationship with the other members, his laugh, his singing, the way he both has a great sense of coordination (we stan dancer jaeyoon in this house) but also is just such a clumsy mess at times and how awkward he is sometimes but like he's not even awkward he's just HIM idk like do you understand ??? Jaeyoon I love you, and I love how you love! Where else will I find a man who decorates 89 bags, posts 89 pics for his birthday? How hard he worked on binnies bracelet even after it fell apart like twice😭😭😭

OK maybe it's not the healthiest coping mechanism to use someone as your comfort but he really is my kpop comfort boy 😭😭 (I do think a good part of it is his voice, it's just so comforting to me. Or is it comforting bc I like him? Do i like him bc he's comforting? It's been so long I'm not even sure anymore) which is why it really was kinda hard on me when his enlistment was announced like I was literally in the middle of looking at a photo book and was ON HIS PAGE when the enlistment notice was posted. Idk if the timing makes it better or worse tbh. (Definitely worse) I feel silly about it sometimes bc it's not like he's someone who is physically present in my everyday life, it's not really much different from before, just watching him from behind my screen. But there are moments I miss him and hope he's doing alright, bc that's just how people feel when they care about someone right? And i care about jaeyoon a lot, and I'm really thankful I have had him and all the sepgus to make me laugh, smile, and cry, to connect with fellow fantasy, over the last few years.

Maybe I'm just extra sentimental bc my ult group who got me into kpop also just had their anniversary recently (iykyk) so my emotions are HIGH but also I've just. Been in such a tough space lately I'm always sensitive tbh LMAO

Anyway i don't really know where I was going with this. Tldr I love jaeyoon so much and hope I can support and be a fan for years to come ♡

#warning rambling under the cut #will be going thru my jaeyoon faves so might end up doing a small reblog spam #i have the leemujin service playing in the background and aah!#love him so much :((#tawa.log

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theparanormalperiodical · 2 years

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The Wicker Man (2006): Why It Should’ve Been A Video Game // Detailed Plot Recap, In-depth Review And Film Facts You Didn’t Know

This week, I wanted to try something *new*. Inspired by Jaime French who does these hilarious recap/bitch-fest videos ‘bout classic 90s ‘n’ 00s films, I thought I could do my own hilarious reviews of films. You know how hilarious I am.

But, I don’t know, I kinda felt like I was nicking her idea and not being ori-gi-nal. Then I remembered that a blog like this could solve a problem I face a lot with the horror genre: I don’t always like to watch horror films.

They’re a commitment. They scawy.

I don’t always want to force myself to watch a movie full of jump-scares and freak myself out, and other days I’m just not in the headspace to be immersed in some of the gory issues they cover. As you can imagine that makes being a horror blogger, uhhhh, well, impossible.

So here’s the plan, Stan - I’m gonna take one for the team. I’m going to write a fully-fledged recap, review and analysis of classic horror films so you don’t have to sit through the crap ones or hide behind the sofa for the traumatising ones, and we can just soak in our favourite genre together.

Now, when I first considered doing this blog series, I thought I’d review the last horror film I saw: The Wicker Man (1973). But I quickly realised it’s hard to really review something you last saw months ago - you need to connect with the vibe, pick up on mistakes and give a detailed view of it backed up by facts. So, obviously, I thought I’d catch it on Prime, right? While the ‘73 flick wasn’t available for free, the ‘06 one was.

Yes, one of the most infamous horror films ever produced featuring Nicolas Cage and a whole lotta bees, the poster child of so-bad-it’s-good movies.

In today’s review, I’m going to recap the plot, deep-dive the good and the bad of The Wicker Man (2006), and finish up with whether it’s worth a watch.

But first, let’s start with a spoiler-free review, so you can consider whether you want to watch it and then come back to this post.

While I don’t hate this film and think it had buckets of potential, I’m not sure it’s worth a film night with dimmed lights, surround sound and microwave popcorn. It’s a pretty un-engaging, gentle watch, even if you love Nicolas Cage and memes.

1.8/5 stars

youtube

Let’s start with a recap of the plot

Policeman Edward Malus (Nicolas Cage) is taking time off duty after he witnesses a mother and her daughter die in a traumatic car accident. He receives a letter from his ex-fiancée which says her daughter has gone missing where they live, on the remote island of Summersisle. He goes to investigate and has to hitch a ride for the final leg of the journey with a bloke that pilots a seaplane and delivers goods to the island.

Immediately Malus discovers this is a rural, Amish-like community full of locals not willing to help him find Rowan. No matter how much he flashes his badge or raises his voice to tell everyone he’s a police officer, they just tell him they’ve never-ever seen her before. Even the students at the school claim to not recognise her, but Malus finds her name crossed out on the school register. The teacher eventually lets slip that Rowan died and is buried in a churchyard. Or is she? She says “she’ll burn to death” before correcting the tense she used (“she burned to death”).

Malus stumbles across other clues outlining the causes and circumstances of Rowan’s disappearance, from a missing picture on the pub wall which shows a different local girl standing in front of the yearly harvest to a freshly dug grave. Convinced she’s been killed, he goes to the seaplane to radio the mainland for extra police support, but someone has murdered the pilot and sunk the plane.

He then asks the local doctor/photographer about the missing photo. He finds it, and there’s Rowan standing in front of a failed harvest. But he also stumbles across a book titled “Rituals for the Ancients” which suggests they’re about to sacrifice Rowan to the Mother Goddess for the promise of a better harvest (they produce honey) next year.

After accidentally getting stung by a shit-tonne of bees by the beehives which prompts an allergic reaction, he is saved by the local doctor and finally meets Sister Summersisle - the Earthly representative for the Mother Goddess. She denies him permission to exhume Rowan’s body and explains more about their beliefs and matriarchal society.

Frustrated by the lack of answers, Malus digs up the grave to find a burnt doll and finds her jumper in the flooded crypt. He then conducts a house-to-house search of the entire island as it’s the day of the festival and, therefore, the sacrifice.

After not finding Rowan, Malus sneaks into the festival disguised in the innkeeper’s bear costume where he rescues Rowan who is tied to a tree, ready to be burnt alive. Their attempt to escape to safety is cut short, however, when Rowan leads them back to the locals, revealing that all along this was a trap.

His ex-fiancée sought him out to impregnate her so they’d have a sacrifice, a stranger connected to them by blood. After some torture, including lots of bees, Malus is carted off to the huge Wicker Man where he will be burnt alive inside. Rowan sets the Wicker Man alight.

Six months later we see a new trap being set: in a bar in some US city, Malus’ ex-fiancee and another local start flirting with random men…

Some fun facts about the film

It’s a remake of the 1973 British film and was directly inspired by the 1967 novel Ritual (see gif below)

It just lost out on breaking even - it grossed $39m on a $40m budget

The original director of the 1973 film, Robin Hardy, made Warner Bros remove his name from all promotional material for the remake

It has just a 15% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes

Universal had been trying to remake The Wicker Man since the 90s, but it was finally announced in 2002

Now, let’s get to talkin’ bout it

Of course, I have to start with Nicolas Cage’s acting. Speaking honestly, I don’t want to sit here and criticise his craft - I’d be shite at acting, and it’s not like he’s an unsuccessful bloke. But the problem isn’t the over-acting. It’s the plain weird acting.

Throughout the film, Malus witnesses a seriously traumatic event - a car accident where the two passengers are burnt alive - and suffers from PTSD-symptoms as a result. Like in one dream he sees Rowan drowned just by the dock and then he’s holding the bloated corpse of a young girl. Waking with a start, he doesn’t, ya know, have a panic attack, or exhibit a normal amount of terror of anxiety.

He yells “God dammit!” like he just missed a bus.

And then, throughout he film, the way he speaks to people is plain odd. The rest of the cast are fine actors, and speak with those nuances and the tone of a cinematic film. He acts like a normal person would where everyone else is poetic and dramatic. It’s like me wandering into a Shakespeare play and asking Macbeth where the local pub is in modern British-English.

A great example of this is when he meets with Sister Summersisle for the first time after getting stung by the local bees. She speaks in that cinematic way, saying “you nearly got killed by the bees, what a pity”. There’s the suggestion that it’s either a pity the bees died or he nearly did. And then Cage straight up retorts with “what do you mean by that?” with no dramatic furrow of the brow or threatening tone in his voice. He might as well be asking her what the word “pity” means.

Cage is a sore thumb in the film, sticking out against the picture-perfect aesthetic, his complex ex-fiancee and powerful Sister Summersisle.

This is made worse by the fact that the beginning of the film feels cheap. Of course, with Summersisle being full of lush greenery, cute houses and fantastic costuming, it’s likely they just splurged on the majority of the film. But the opening, where we meet Malus, relies on that ASOS leather jacket, a does-this-look-like-Mexico orange filter you can get with iMovie and a flimsy set. When Malus shuts his front door behind his concerned colleague, for example, he has to like shut it again, probably because it’s made out of paper-mache.

It unfortunately sets the tone for the rest of the film, confirming it’s crappily written, crappily produced and crappily executed. Problem is, it’s not. This film is chockful of great stuff.

Take the ending:

Watching Malus be lead back to the locals by Rowan. Hearing Sister Summersisle reveal the extent of the trap. His ex telling him he’s “done so well” to fall into it. Him realising has no ammo in his gun and nowhere left to run (hey, that rhymes!). It’s so frustrating, and really conveys exactly what Malus must’ve been feeling the entire film and as he realises he is doomed to die - it’s perfect!

And when I saw the policewoman remove her mask and reveal she was a local all along I died. This fresh take of the original plot had so much potential.

Potential that was let down also by some very obvious plot lines. It’s revealed halfway through the film that Rowan is Malus’ daughter, but as this is what everyone assumes when he reads the letter it’s not exactly a shock. I know the entire plot is obvious considering the twist is so well known, so perhaps I should give them the benefit of the doubt. But then there’s the plot holes.

Remember the car accident that opens the film? Where he sees a girl and her mother die? On reflection, it’s probably just supposed to be some foreshadowing to get us thinking about him trying to save a mother and daughter from danger. But when the police recover the bodies, it’s revealed there’s no trace of them in the system, which suggests they’re somehow linked to the rest of the film, like they’re residents of Summersisle or something? I don’t know, it just opens up an area of interest you expect to be resolved in the film. I’d have preferred it there was no uncertainty, and they were just an average suburban family off on vacay to really show the distinction between the mainland US and Summersisle.

It becomes clear the locals of Summersisle are dangerous and are misandrists (hate men) when the seaplane pilot that delivers good to the island is killed. Supposedly the locals do this because they’re angry he brought Malus to the island to investigate Rowan’s disappearance. But wasn’t that the plan all along? Wasn’t the pilot integral to the trap? And then later, when it’s revealed the locals routinely seek out men to as future potential sacrifices if harvests go tits up (I assume that’s how it works), wouldn’t they need him to bring ‘em to the island?

There’s also the issue of the quality gap between the opening and close of the film. Okay, fine, most films have different phases and vibes as the plot progresses. But the three distinct sections of this film aren’t to do with the plot. The beginning is cheap. The middle is slow. The ending is mental.

Despite my lengthy criticism and positive reflections on the film, I drew one final conclusion: it should’ve been a video game.

It just had that vibe and structure of a story-driven video game, like a prettier version of Silent Hill with fewer jumpscares and a thicker plot.

There’s the unique locations to explore, like the school and doctor’s house. There’s missing items to find, like the photograph of Rowan and the failed harvest. There’s fresh clues to stumble upon like the jumper and the grave. There’s a whole roster of potential NPC dialogue, like the ex-fiancee perhaps telling you “you should go check the crypt” over and over until he does it. There’s even the subtle throwbacks to the original film, like the seaplane (which the policeman of the ‘73 film flew). All tied together with cut scenes where you meets your ex-fiancee and ask her about what you’ve discovered to further the story.

Will you make the right decisions and get the good ending, where you prevent the murder of the seaplane pilot, carry Rowan to the harbour and fly off to safety? Will you find all the easter eggs, including the joker costume and the dead rabbit from the ‘73 film?

The final verdict *drum roll pls*

I don’t hate it, but it’s just not worth the watch. Even for fans of so-bad-its-good movies, there’s not enough funny bad stuff for it to be enjoyable. Just a bit boring. Save 100 minutes and watch the best bits on YouTube, instead.

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