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industria-adastra · 10 months

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[Twisted Wonderland x Puella Magi Madoka Magica] - What to do when you reload in the wrong universe? - [HEARTSLAYBUL] - PART 2

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Note: For some reason, formatting on tumblr is indeed a pain in the butt. Other than that here's an update

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It’s LUNCHTIME. The time when everyone would fistfight each other for the special meal of the day. Tbh NRC has nice lunches; it’s a freaking buffet, for goodness sake.

The group goes to get lunch, and things seem relatively peaceful. So of course, Grim starts a touch of chaos the moment Homura thinks it’s safe to let him go. Should’ve just kept Grim in a death grip until you got lunch, Homura.

By a touch of chaos, I mean Grim breaks someone’s (an upperclassman) carbonara spaghetti egg. And because NRC students don’t know when to pick their battles, they attempt to start a battle in the cafeteria (an awful decision, really).

Is Homura going to intervene? Am I going to make her intervene?

Yeah but not exactly in the way you’re guessing

She’s going to try, in her own way, to defuse the situation. This means as per tradition she’s going to actually make it escalate because Homura and persuasive speaking are like oil and water. Or maybe even like a grease fire and water.

Homura tries to bring up how stupid it is to, you know, fight with underclassmen over slightly damaged egg carbonara, of all things. An appeal to common sense (and a poke to their egos). Besides, weren’t they going to break the yolk anyways, since they were going to eat it? It’s a small, paltry thing to get so worked up about, in her all too blunt opinion.

This absolutely does not make the situation any better. In fact, it makes it worse, because now the seniors think they’re being condescended by a child.

Ace and Yuu think they have never seen someone so bad at defusing the situation they turn the fire up to eleven. Ace, however, is a shining example of a pot encountering a kettle and not realising it has shared traits. Perhaps this is also foreshadowing for Ace’s later unfortunate choice of language.

Due to plot convenience, these guys have about one brain cell rattling around in an abstract, collective shared mind space. They take one look at this kid and go “Freshman. Small. CAN TAKE ON IN A FIGHT.”

Actually, canon does kind of actively shove it in our faces how extraordinarily eager delinquent-type NRC students are to fight literally anyone. So maybe I am justified in making them try and fistfight a middle schooler.

They try to engage Homura in a fight. Aka they’re doing that thing where someone puffs out their chest and squares up (literally). Homura is trying to back out because:

She’s shown to be rather non-confrontational in canon.

In her experience, ignoring these people often works because they’re at least more bark than bite. (Or rather, Homura has sort of thought that by clamming herself up—metaphorically speaking—things won’t affect her as badly because before things…never really changed no matter how proactive she was (I am referring to both her past as a bullied child over something she had no control over, and her long-term experience with other volatile pubescent girls)

Homura would really like to not get punched in a cafeteria.

One of them attempts to get physical with Homura, who’s darting away as fast as possible. She’s not looking for a fight and would like to not show up to her next class looking like she just got in one.

Yuu is not having it. Deuce is not having it. Grim is not having it because while Homura scares him a little (read: a lot) he’s not gonna let these guys push around his #2 Henchman (henchwoman?). Ace is seemingly vibing in the background but actually, he high-key wants to see the guys get pummeled it’s a case of fire meets fire. Like, he’s a jerk himself but these guys were also jerks (also Homura is a little bit baby to him so it’s completely justified in his honest opinion.

Yuu is putting that swim training to good use by yoinking the offender’s arms and going “DO NOT.” Grim bites one of them. I don’t think he has magic rabies. Deuce wants to clock them but doesn’t because he’s in the public eye, so he just allows Yuu to go to town on them. Ace watches on the sidelines, noting Yuu’s great attachment to the girl with the magical equivalent of an automatic gun. He also thinks it’s hilarious that the mages are being bodied by the new non-magical student—conveniently ignoring the fact that Yuu most definitely never skipped arm, leg, and the rest of his body, day.

Homura is left wondering about the feeling one gets when people are willing to stand up for you. (She’s also left wondering if highschool would ever be as ridiculous as the one she was experiencing right now) Perhaps it’s a completely out-of-place feeling to be felt when watching someone body two people for you, but human emotions are irrational. To her, it’s a warm sort of feeling, even if she thinks she could’ve just dealt with it herself.

Mostly, I think Homura needs a few scenes to be protected, rather than constantly trying to be the strong one.

The fight is resolved, and everyone’s hungry. Yuu has an allowance for food and other necessities here because Crowley would get Mcmurdered Mcssasined in his sleep if the staff knew he basically dumped off a bunch of otherworlders into a large shack and called it a day. That and I ooc-ed him a little into someone that sees these kids/Homura and goes, ok maybe they need a little something, at least.

Just enough so that there are no additional PR problems. Or so he says to himself. Oh, he boasts about it for sure, but it sounds as phoney as always.

Elaborating on this: Crowley often boasts about his kindness/generosity when he’s…definitely not being generous. So I think when he is doing something because he actually cares, then he justifies it weirdly to himself. Of course, this is simply pure imagination, and not strictly in line with his canonically displayed personality.

I call it the “Homura sympathy effect”. When you see this emo little kid you just invite yourself in as her family/friend because it’s actually kind of depressing watching Homura if you observe carefully enough.

They finally buy lunch. Homura gets a plate of omurice. Yuu says it’s because Homura is a growing child. Homura is suddenly violently reminded that, yes, she can actually grow right now.

She does her best to not choke on her food. This means she instead stares blankly at her food as if she’s been confronted with a crisis of unimaginable proportions.

Oh god, Homura thinks, Madoka doesn’t exist. Oh god, she continues to monologue in her head, I can’t access my powers anymore.

(She can’t go back if something goes irreversibly wrong, wrong, wrong—)

The omurice, to her, tastes really good. The egg is fresh and creamy; the rice combined with the demi-glace sauce and the soft vegetables should be normal on her tongue but maybe it’s been years and years, and sometimes she’d find that food tasted like nothing at all.

(Distantly, Homura thinks that Madoka will never be able to eat something like this ever again. Distantly, Homura wonders when the taste of fresh food ever become so foreign to her.)

But I suppose any kind of actually fresh food would taste good if you’ve been sustaining yourself off determination and cup noodles.

Just the bare minimum so you don’t waste magic making up for hunger.

Yuu carefully watches her eat as he does so himself. Ace and Deuce are bickering in the background and Grim is tearing into his own food with gusto. Homura mechanically eats her meal with the precision of a surgeon and the speed of a machine. He hopes that Homura liked the meal. He wonders what Homura would normally eat, all alone by herself.

Yuu gets the feeling that Homura hasn’t really been eating well for quite some time.

And then Cater shows up.

Who is this guy? Homura has zero ideas. The rest of the group has many violent ideas. Oh, they tricked Yuu (and the others) into doing his work for him. Hm. (Down goes a couple of points for Homura’s opinion of Cater. While I’d say Homura does try her best to be not as judgemental as possible because goodness knows how much she herself has received, these are people she’s bonded with on some level, so a little bias (TM) comes into play. Even if Ace can be a jerk, and Grim's basically a bratty kid)

Ever the conversationalist, Homura’s as quiet as a church mouse. But that’s fine, since Cater’s deadlift the majority of the conversation anyways.

Cater is already evaluating the new member of the group aka Homura. He remembers Riddle complaining about certain people breaking school rules during the assembly. He is kind of surprised she's still here though, since knowing the headmaster Homura should've gone home by now. So there must be something…

She’s definitely a little…quieter, and more solemn and serious than he expected a fourteen-year-old to be. Cater definitely remembers his sisters never being like Homura. But it’s probably a personality variation thing. After all, everyone’s different, and Homura's no exception to the individuality of people in general.

Yet her eyes still unsettle him, ever so slightly. He's not sure if the freshmen and the other unsorted student(?) realize it, but Homura's eyes… There’s a hardness in them, and an emptiness that lingers. (He wonders if she was ever forced to grow up too quickly, forced to understand certain hard truths of reality too quickly.)

Although, maybe at least one of them realises it, seeing as Yuu’s practically hovering over her like an oversized mother hen. Well, it’s not really his problem to deal with anyways.

Cater laughs and smiles, acting casual and playing the perfect role of a relaxed upperclassman. He’s pretty sure it does nothing to ease their earlier grudges (which, well, fair enough—most NRC students aren’t really the forgive and forget type anyways)

And just in time for him (Cater’s one-hundred percent sure they’re all starting to get annoyed with him), Trey enters the scene, wielding his nonchalance like a well-sharpened sword. He’s polite, calm and collected—acting as a voice of reason even though he’s just slid to their table knowing full well their…colourful reputations in this school. (She had heart problems, not hearing problems)

Homura’s sorely reminded of Mami with this third-year, and his verbal slip regarding his less-than-stellar opinion of Ramshackle dorm (even if arguably justified) is one that has her also putting her opinion of him on the fence.

Cater brings up getting their numbers

The numbers are incompatible rip Cater (Homura simply didn’t bring up the fact that data roaming wouldn’t even apply in another world—he’d figure it out on his own later anyways. Or hear it from someone else. Whichever comes first.)

It’s not like isekai (aka inter-universal/inter-universal/inter-whatever) services are included in standard sims provided in Japan—no matter how prevalent the isekai genre is

But also I ask you all to imagine Cater looking at Homura’s utter desert of a contact list.

There’s like maybe three tumbleweeds and it’s:

The hospital she lived in for years on end

Her uncle(‘s secretary) — anyone who hasn’t read ANAI aka “As N Approaches Infinity” is missing out also screw Homura’s uncle in that fic he sucks

Mitakihara Middle School’s front desk

Yuu, in comparison, has like a bajillion phone numbers. All with their own little nicknames such as “Core day every day”, “Down bad for pixels”, “(Putting) The L in LGBT”, or “Mission control centre” (That actually refers to his family phone’s number)

Very awkward for Cater, and Yuu, who are either starting to get or are getting more information on how socially disconnected Homura might’ve actually been

Briefly, Cater wonders if Homura was homeschooled

Trey is having ✨flashbacks✨ to Riddle’s own upbringing and wondering if there’s any connection to the few phone numbers and an implication of a lack of friends. He puts that thought out of his mind because he’s not really in any position to pry (and we all know how well the first and last time he tried turned out)

Then Trey starts giving an intro on the dorms like a tutorial menu narrator

Of course, when the obligatory ‘Epel is as pretty as a girl” statement pops up, Ace can no longer call Grim and Deuce morons as NRC is no longer an all-boys school with the inclusion of Homura

Anyways, Lilia shows up(side down)!

Bat Gramps gives everyone a heart attack!! Homura wonders if this is how it feels to be on the other end of a time-stop

When Lilia says that Diasomnia is very hospitable and welcoming, instead of Silver and Sebek being 🗿 they are carefully inspecting (read: Silver is concerned but he looks dead serious. Sebek is less concerned and more “????they haven’t sent the tiny human back home??? Suspiscious.”)

Actually Sebek is both a little confused and a bit like “wow this new human child must be very good to still be here in a uniform”. Unfortunately for him he… looks more like he’s glaring.

Homura is 🗿 tho. She just wants to have a peaceful lunch what on earth is happening

Ofc since Homuhomu is here, canon diverts as in Lilia stays a little longer and flits around Homura like a bat from hell.

“My oh my, it’s you again. How have you been, young one?” (coming from someone who looks no older than 18)

“...I am…fine.” (be easy on her Homura’s doing her best)

Yuu just slides closer to her because who is this weirdo why is everyone in this school so weird maybe that’s what Magic highschool(™) actually does to people

To Homura, Lilia feels…odd. It’s not quite like Madoka (The Law of Cycles now), so young yet so wrapped within aeons of time; a newly born law, yet with a history beyond time. He feels more like Walpurgisnacht. There is an unspoken history behind this highschooler, and he’s just focused on her ring. Lunchtime was turning out to be terrible. Maybe it was a good thing she often skipped lunches at Mitakihara Middle School.

“Oh? Is that…?”

Homura has just given up and pretended she does not see™. If she tries to hide it she’ll draw unwanted attention. If she tries to explain she’ll give it unwanted attention and there was no guarantee her explanation would be credible enough. So she just… Did not see. If the others are interested they’ll watch anyways so it’s better to just pretend to be completely disinterested in the fact that Batman lite is staring at her literal soul—pretend it’s no biggie.

Of course, her body language has completely closed off, and now Yuu’s gently pushing away Lilia.

“Hey, maybe not so close, alright?”

“Of course, forgive me for that—and for disrupting your meal. I do hope we can converse again. ” He looks at Homura, Yuu, and Grim, before adding, “Especially the three of you.” Then he peaces out aka teleports back to his lunch

Of course, Ace still slanders Riddle at lunch like in canon. Even if Yuu frantically made abort motions. Homura just stares at the scene, already knowing how it’s probably going to pan out.

No one likes being talked about behind their back like that. She’d know a lot about how that felt like. After all, that’s what happened to her.

And wuh-oh wouldn’t you know? Riddle’s right behind Ace. Deuce puts Ace out of his misery. Yuu has his head in his hands. Homura quietly sighs and continues eating her lunch. Cater and Trey have stiffer smiles than overmixed egg-white mixtures. As Ace continues to dig his own grave—going past six feet and beyond, Homura takes the chance to observe Heartslaybul’s Housewarden.

Her first impression is that: He’s…not that much taller than her at all (Riddle is 160 cm whilst Homura is about 158 cm). But he looks incredibly prim and proper—definitely the image of what someone expects of a Dorm Leader.

Her second impression is that Riddle is rather strict. And very used to having authority, if the way Cater immediately folds to his words is any indicator of that trait. Perhaps Ace wasn’t completely wrong about his dorm leader being rather unyielding, personality-wise.

However, Ace…isn’t doing himself any favours at all, so Homura also chalks it up to Ace having zero brain-to-mouth filter.

Grim identifies him as the guy who sealed his magic, and Riddle, in turn, identifies them as the students who nearly got expelled + singles out Homura like Why are you still here??? Presumably as a student too if the magestone is any indication. To him, it breaks the rules and sets a bad example.

In fact, Riddle even starts a little speech about how rulebreakers only cause chaos, and shouldn’t be, under any circumstances, tolerated.

Aaand now Riddle’s reminding Homura of Sayaka, in a bad way.

So she goes: There is nowhere for her (and Yuu by extension) to go in Twisted Wonderland. They’re not inhabitants of this world (in case he uh, forgot that like how the story seems to often do that whenever you don’t know Disney/Japanese-inspired tradition #659 like an idiot because you come from planet Earth), therefore NRC kind of does need to bend the rules for them unless they want bad PR (She’s seen enough of what her Uncle used to get up to in the hospital through magazines, social media and the television. He flung around money and time as if there was nothing else to live for but his own hedonism.)

Riddle, of course, at this stage of the story, rejects that notion because he thinks there could be other alternatives. Bro is debating with a 14 year old.

Yuu, as nice and kind as he is, also gives his two cents. As in, “I sure hope you can get Crowley to reconsider then.” He says this with a singular (1) eyebrow raised whilst wiping Homura’s mouth.

Homura is blue-screening for a hot five minutes because wow ok that was ???? Yuu asked, “Is anyone gonna take care of this kid?” and did not wait for a single reply.

Ace tries to get his collar removed even though he shit-talked Riddle in front of his face. Ace has balls bigger than Jupiter I guess. Not that it’s helping him or anything.

Homura also bears witness to Riddle’s ability to memorise rules. Not all 810 of them but he definitely knows his rules if he’s jumping from rule 271 to rule 339. He still reminds her of Sayaka in a bad way though. All too unyielding to others.

Hopefully for him, it won’t be to the very bitter end.

Oh, and she also learns that Trey is vice-housewarden, which… She supposed there probably was an alternative reason as to why Cater and Trey approached them—seeing the way they interacted with Heartslaybul’s Housewarden.

And judging from the loud displays of dismay from surrounding Heartslaybul students, not only is Riddle a strict and unyielding dorm leader, but he also has his dorm students under an iron-clad grip.

Trey tries to do a little damage control after low-key informing everyone of Riddle’s extreme magical prowess (strong enough to become Housewarden before the end of his first week at school). He does so by attempting to soften the blow of Riddle’s actions by basically saying: he’s not a bad guy and everything he does is because he thinks it’s better for the dorm.

Which, to be honest, Homura has heard many variations of that. Hell, she’s basically done outwardly terrible actions in the name of the greater good (for her friends). (Not like it ever worked)

She can get that.

But Riddle still did mildly get on her nerves, even if Homura would never show that in a million years or resets.

Grim, thankfully, raises the question of the ethics of Riddle collaring anyone as he pleases—although it’s less that and more him airing out his own grievances with getting collared and having his magic sealed too.

Both Yuu and Homura are quick to remind Grim that it was kind of his fault for, you know, setting the hall on fire.

Diverging from canon again, this time it’s Ace and Deuce who ask about Unique Magics and thus Riddle’s particular Unique Magic. Now that they re-explain what Riddle could do with his Unique Magic… Homura is sure she’ll have to be careful around him.

She doesn’t want to know what would happen if she gets collared.

Would there be a way to learn how to prevent it from being applied to someone?

Of course, back to the story: Riddle’s loud and clear live demonstration of “Off With Your Head” does him no favours in portraying him as someone wanting the best for his students.

And as we skip past the further dialogue on Grim’s opinion of the Unique Magic’s name (i.e. completely bonkers and terrifying), Cater’s explanation of why exactly it feels so terrible to have a collar (mostly for Yuu’s benefit), and Trey attempting to downplay it by going “As long as you follow the rules, you’ll be fine. Riddle isn’t that scary.”

We stop at Ace asking if he legitimately can’t be let into the dorm if he doesn’t get a replacement tart for the one he ate.

He can’t. In addition to that, it’s also an established rule. Homura thinks that’s kind of a stupid rule. Yuu outright says that it’s kind of a weirdly harsh rule. I mean, replacing what you unfairly took is important, but taking away your room whilst you haven’t…didn’t sound like the best rule.

Ace would like to add that it is, in fact, a really harsh rule—since he’s the one getting collared and being left without a place to sleep in (something that could’ve happened if Ramshackle wasn’t inhabited by Yuu, Homura and Grim, who tidied up some part because they are on another level of homeless)

Trey and Cater… definitely realise this, but currently at this part of Heartslaybul’s book, they don’t actually have the power to tell this to Riddle and not expect to be reprimanded or worse. So they just awkwardly laugh. Cater just tries to transition to telling Ace that Riddle usually looks forward to the tarts, and they’re hand-made by Trey—Ace just needs to replace the tart he ate with another one and things will be fine after that.

Homura…isn’t sure about that, but if it’s all about following the rules then the logic seems sound? But if not then… Ah well, she’ll see what happens then and take action from there.

A little segment of Trey hand-made the tarts??? Those really good-looking really tasty-looking tarts??? (Ace’s words)

Yeah he’s from a baker's family lmao (Just for you guys who can’t read my mind: this is Cater)

“Aren’t tarts like that extremely expensive?” That is true Deuce. “Ace, why don’t you try doing it by hand? It’ll be cheaper that way, although I’m not sure about the quality,” says Yuu. Wow Yuu, lots of confidence in Ace there.

But Yuu is correct. Ace can’t bake.

Well, perhaps Trey could help? He is the vice-housewarden. And the one who baked the tarts—so he’s well acquainted with Riddle’s tastes. That’s what Homura adds to the brewing discussion.

At that moment, Kalim and Jamil FINALLY ARRIVE ON THE SCENE… While the Heartslabyul dudes start talking about making a tart from scratch.

Kalim’s like “Oh hey Homura!!! :D” He did say he’d find her and he did!!! Kalim’s so happy to spend the rest of his lunchtime with his new friend.

Jamil helped a lot. And by a lot, I meant he went through statistical analysis inside his head that culminated into nothing because Kalim rolled a nat20 on luck and perception.

Oh who are these people? Well, Homura introduces them as “My upperclassmen: Al-Asim— (Oops nearly used Last name–First name format) Kalim Al-Asim, and Jamil Viper.” With her soft, serious tone, it sounds less like she’s introducing potential new friends she made and more like management introduced new colleagues. Having around five (5), and quite possibly fewer, friends + her entire background makes this very much a work in progress.

She’s picked up on the fact that Twisted Wonderland uses the ‘First name–Last name” format instead of ‘Last name–First name’ like Japan. Although, Homura did noticeably stumble. But hey, she caught herself in time.

Yuu confidently says, with his whole chest out (figuratively), “Izumi Yuu, nice to meet you.”

I finally thought of a last name for Yuu, so he’ll be known as “Izumi Yuu/Yuu Izumi” from now on. I figured that if I’m also going to build Yuu as a character by adding information here and there about him, then he might as well get a last name.

Ace: “Wait your name was Izumi this whole time?”

Yuu: “Oh no that’s my surname. I’m Japanese.” (Which sadly explained nothing)

Ace & Co: “???”

Yuu: “Ah. Right. Forgot about that.”

Homura: “From where we came from, it was common to introduce ourselves using our last names first, instead of our first names.”

Kalim’s actually wondering what they were discussing earlier. They were discussing Trey helping Ace bake a replacement tart for the one he ate.

Trey can bake? Jamil’s also good at that!! Jamil corrects that he’s only mediocre at pastries/baked goods like the ones Trey makes (Which are more “Western” in design)

Trey would like to see how good Jamil is at baking. His glasses glint as his fingers lightly grip one of the sides again. In fact, speaking of baking, he could help Ace with the baking. But he’ll need something in return.

No one does anything for free in NRC, after all— No it’s not cash Ace.

Trey wants chestnuts. Two hundred to three hundred of them. Boiled, shelled, and pureed. Riddle wants a chestnut tart so… Kalim thinks that sounds fun! Jamil is quick to tell Kalim that, no

Kalim, you have a meeting later Kalim you can’t go.

Maybe next time Kalim

Ace, Deuce and Grim are out though no labour for them no siree

Homura calmly sips on her tea and states that Ace doesn’t have much of a choice.

You’re right, Homura, but you could’ve said that a bit nicer lmao

Now Ace has to confront his unwanted reality aka he needs to go get two to three hundred chestnuts and prepare them for baking.

And then Cater and Trey team up to make them want to bake. The killing blow is being able to eat a tart after baking them. Hook, line, and sinker; just like that, they’re in.

Yuu’s in for it—He’ll make sure Grim doesn’t act out. Also, tart.

Homura…would like to study more ways to leave Twisted Wonderland. But then Yuu looked at her like he fully wanted her to join and ok she caved.

Mostly everyone is discussing chestnuts now. Where to get them? botanical garden? Alright. And Trey’s baking skills. And tarts. Mostly tarts.

Oh and Kalim’s plans to have Homura over for a mini-party aka eat Jamil’s food. Everyone in this group right now is also very much invited because the more the merrier!!!

But why does he want to throw a mini-party for Homura? Because one she helped him and two she’s baby. He does not say this outright but he basically implies she has a kicked wet puppy aura mixed with her serious aura and that’s no good for someone who helped him out :(

It’s a mini-party because Kalim mostly just wants to get to know potential new friends this time. He can throw a spontaneous dorm-wide party next time!

Kalim decides to walk Homura to class again, because why not? She’s a new student and Kalim likes her—which means a potential new friend in his books! (And Jamil remembered her schedule + their classes aren’t too far away so Jamil’s fine with it) This time though, Yuu, Grim, and the rest of the Heartslaybul boys (minus Riddle) decide to tag along. It’s probably more entertaining than a normal day if they follow, especially for Trey and Cater.

Jamil just wants a (Twisted Wonderland) Ibuprofen.

40 notes · View notes

blissfullyecho · 1 year

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Please make a part 2 of the things you don't believe in regards to the self-development community. You give the best advice and have the best insight about things I have never even thought about! Thank you!!!!

unpopular opinions i have on self-improvement (part 2) — get your pitchforks ready

1. i don’t believe in “being gentle with yourself” as an act of self care and personal development. if you are an extremist, then fine— but most people aren’t extremist and they use the “be gentle with yourself” advice to justify laziness. you’re not a little daffodil, you’re an adult human being with adult responsibilities. you being “gentle” with yourself is just you wanting to be babied all the time. get up, get moving.

2. you learning a language does not change the kind of person you are. whenever i search “how to improve myself” and one of the top tips is to learn a language, i scream. learning a language is a great skill to have for obvious reasons, but it doesn’t have anything to do with self-improvement. sure, you learned something new, but you didn’t change as a person. i speak 3 languages, yet i’m the same person. learning a new language is something you should do because you want to do it… not because the internet says it makes you a better person. all learning a language does is it makes you LOOK more well-rounded and traveled. and let’s be real, most of you are not well-traveled to begin with. let’s focus on REAL CHANGE, not facades.

3. journaling doesn’t help with everyone. i hate journaling— my hand hurts and it’s not like i’m going to read what i put down ever again. don’t feel obligated to journal if you don’t like it. i hate it and because i dislike it so much, journaling didn’t work for me. i DO know people like journaling and it helps them, so it’s not like i *don’t* believe in journaling, but i don’t believe it’s a necessity for everyone.

4. “you should forgive yourself”. nope. if you are over the age of 18, you have already learned what’s right vs. what’s wrong. everything you have in your life (after the age of 18) was and still is completely up to you. you chose the habits that led you up to where you are and you made the conscious effort to do so. this doesn’t apply to anyone that’s working on mental illness, but for the rest of you— why are you forgiving yourself? stop acting like you were brain dead before and you just now had an epiphany. we ALL are faced with choices to make everyday; you just didn’t care at the time and now you do. i’m not forgiving my past self for the mistakes i made because i made them consciously. i didn’t show up to my classes, i overate, i didn’t go to the gym, i didn’t study for that test, i didn’t look my best that day, etc. the things you do/don’t do are all choices. i’m not going to forgive myself. i fucked up, end of story. next.

5. “it’s okay to have bad days” advice is something i agree with but disagree with when it’s misused. what i agree with is that we are all going to have bad days. what i don’t agree with is using this as an excuse to not get anything done. i work on myself each day because i don’t have to feel a certain emotion to get what i need to get done. i don’t need to be in a good mood to go to the gym. i don’t need to be in a good mood to take a shower. it’s okay to be in a bad mood, but it’s not okay to use the “i’m just having a bad day” as an excuse to not get your stuff done and that’s where everyone misused the “bad day” advice.

6. this kind of ties in with #5, but i saw on instagram from this annoying “self love” page that we should normalize allowing children to stay home from school to have mental health days and adults being able to stay home from work to have mental health days. that is fucking stupid and it’s breeding victim mentality. coming from someone (me) who has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, you don’t need a fucking mental health DAY. kids are at school and adults are at work for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. you mean to tell me you can’t prioritize your mental health around those 8 hours each day? your mental health days can be on your weekends— not on days where you/kids have a personal responsibility. this is the real world— your responsibilities will forever be there. you wanting to rest because you’re just not “there” today is not a reason for the world to stop because of you. your job needs you. your mental health does not matter to your coworkers who will have to carry on the extra workload for your “mental health day”. grow the fuck up. again, i’ve been there. it’s not like i haven’t gone through mental health issues before. but if your mental health is so deep, maybe you should stop working altogether and get on disability. that’s always an option.

i already know i’m going to get the “triggered girlies” coming for me on this post. save yourself the time and embarrassment writing me long paragraphs of me being “toxic” and how much i hurt your feelings. i’m a stranger to you— i should not hold that much power over you to be hurt like that lol.

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songmingisthighs · 5 months

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Personally I don't take the topic of cp as something light, or 'just anime' if it were to be portrayed in Mia, which I also have no idea if it does

From what I've read, the anime could be heavily sensored in Korea, all the while it has received awards and just being really popular in general (? And about the Manga, there's also this discourse about it being super sensored as well, while other people say it is 10x worse than the anime, so I really don't know what to believe

Regardless of that, it is difficult for me to be certain of what mingi was trying to say, I'm pretty sure the video was muted right before and after the anime was mentioned, so there are a lot of possibilities, whether he actually liked it or not, if he gave that warning about it having sensitive issues, if he actually recommended watching it or avoiding it, I have no idea

So yeah, the level of sensorship is a great deal for me, idk to what extent it has been 'proved' that he's innocent and all that, so I'm gonna trust that he didn't actually recommend it, but the thought alone of him consuming/recommending something related to cp is most definitely a deal breaker, not 'just anime' for me, obviously nothing has been confirmed, I really really don't imagine him as that type of person, and I'm not as stupid or immature to go around sending hate to him or directly unstan him without having proof or a clear sense of what really happened.

I just hope things get cleared up, for the people that go around sending hate and death threats to get a grip of reality, and for anyone that could have been affected by this topic (or the possibility of mingi being involved in it) to feel better and at peace

Also English Is not my first language, so bear with me while I try to see if this is actually understandable

this is gonna be long and somewhat controversial and mean, so if you (people in general) are a snowflake, pls skip

i get what you mean, really and i don't think anyone should take cp lightly as well. but i also think you shouldn't open a discussion about a topic you are not familiar about when you already decide to form a negative opinion on it. It's a whole other story had you come to me or anyone to actually ask for opinion in a way that is neutral. this is kinda hard for me to explain with words but there is a difference between "hey what's your opinion about this?" and "hey what's your opinion about this? also i think it supports cp and no one should take that lightly" bc it sets bias and when you want to make a painting of a fruit bowl, you wouldn't use a canvas with a big red splotch anywhere on it

from my perspective, you claim to not have animosity towards the anime but the way you describe it, it seems like you do so i guess it would've been better for you to accept that you're leaning more towards rejecting the anime because of what you found out about online and not because you do have personal experience wirh it when you come to ask for someone's opinion. bc it kinda comes off as "what do you think of this? fyi, i have the answer" and i just don't vibe with that. "from what i read online" is also not something anyone should use to justify their stance because if you don't have what i loosely say "personal experience" with it (i.e. you forming your own opinion based on your own interaction), this kind of discussion seem to be counterproductive.

and i find it odd that people are so surprised that anime is so sexual in either ends of the good and bad spectrum as if japan is not known for its main commodity which is porn (again, i'm using this sentence loosely). like i just found out earlier that japan's age of consent was 13 before it was changed to 16 so the sexualization of a western-standardized "minor" is part of a culture there (as bad as this sound). so to use a western standard on a culture that didn't ask for it seem mighty hoity-toity. we're allowed to form an opinion about a culture or an aspect of the culture but what we shouldn't do is act as if that culture is so personal to us when we are not a part of the culture. like i think the bride kidnapping practice is so weird and borderline a test run for a human trafficking ploy but i have yet to see any criminal activities that happen and the people who are involved are well aware of this practice so i can say it's weird but i won't put up a petition to abolish the practice. now i do realize that this is a rather controversial take and i would elaborate here but alas that's a whole other ted talk

in regards of mingi, if you (not you personally, i'm using 'you' in general) think your favourite idols can wear whatever the fuck they want, do whatever the fuck they want, i suggest you make peace that they can interact with any kinds of art or artist and form whatever opinion they want. because if you believe they're their own person, you better mean it and not make exceptions on situations or aspects that you don't agree with. if you can't support the person, support the art, if this makes you uncomfortable, fucking leave the fandom g0rl no one should readjust their whole life, personality, choices, and preferences to accommodate you. you're not the damn law and he doesn't even know you. and to the people who are somehow "affected" by mingi's life choices or preferences, literally get yourself out of the possibility of interacting with the topic and to those who made this issue about them, remember that the world doesn't revolve around you so mingi didn't do this to hurt you, you're hurt because you have personal feelings over this issue and it's not wrong but if you make it your life's mission to end this man's career, literally get off social media and get a hobby

#smt answer #anon ask

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brandnewhuman · 2 years

Text

Love and Mercy

Part 1

☆STARRING☆

Michael Audrey Myers

CONTENT

Tw: canon violence, major character death, mature language, mentions of toxic relationship

A/n: BROS I HAVE FINALLY DONE PART I OF MY ZOMBIE READER IDEA. I had to do a multiple parts cause it was getting kinda long. I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY PARTS I WILL MAKE CAUSE I WANTED TO MAKE THIS THING WITH OTHER SLASHERS TOO SO YEAH. I know I'm on a hiatus but while I'm at it I wanted to post something more than my usual garbage content. I hope you like it

Michael has never been the type to show mercy nor love. He in fact has never been able to explain why he let you live, which he can only justify by saying you were a necessary bad. Something he had to keep around in order to use it and get what he needed. He thought that one day you'd bring your life to an end by doing some stupid mistake, by giving him the single push he needs to get annoyed enough to kill you.

With time he had to come to terms with the fact that, even if he didn't know how or why, he actually wanted you around.

You could say, at some point, he started to feel some sort of affection. He thought of it as a very small and weak flame inside him that with its warmth just annoyingly tickled his mind from time to time when he looked at you for too long, nothing that could justify why it was so hard to actually get over with it and kill you. Against every fibre of his being the flame started to grow, but how couldn't it if you kept acting like that? Waiting for him awake, cooking his favourite meals even when you've could simply give him something like a sandwich just to make sure he was eating properly, medicating every single scratch or wound he came back with as if it was some sort of fatal injury, asking him all those questions without expecting an answer and always being content with being able to at least talk to him, just overall looking at him like you were looking at an actual human being. He has never felt so…real and alive. Being the shape was great and all but his whole life he has been treated as some sort of urban legend or myth, a ghost story used to scare the kids into being good. He always felt like he was not an actual person who breathes, sleeps, who was a kid once or that thinks and feels. But you, you made him feel like Michael was someone real that has existed before the shape and that was still there. He could've come back home after doing the most unspeakable and brutal acts, and you would still look at him with all that confusing kindness and empathy. For the longest time he thought you were just stupid but then, thinking about it and after spending time with you, he didn't mind you being this kind of stupid that much.

It was kind of frustrating because at some point, he couldn't really tell when it all started to make him feel guilty. He may not be the best at communicating but he's not stupid and he's really good at observing people. He knew that deep inside you longed for someone to care about you the same way you were taking care of him but he just wasn't capable of it. You always said it was okay, that you felt happy with just being together but he couldn't stop beating himself up for never doing enough. Everytime he looked at you he saw reflected in your kindness, his own ugliness and all the things everyone has ever said about him. They were all right about him, they have always been but he actually managed to fool himself that maybe it wasn't true. He spent so much time under your gentle light that he, even if not for long, started to think he could actually be something else than what everyone has set him up to be. He believed every word you said, telling him that he just grew up inside the box other people put him in, that he didn't have to be evil if he didn't feel like it.

You made everything so much better, he kind of wished you didn't. Cause if he never knew how good it felt to be loved so unconditionally and so raw he could've then lived a life without you. He wouldn't have to feel like you have left him behind to go somewhere he can't reach. If you have been less intoxicating, making him actually fall for your lies and giving him a taste of something he couldn't really have forever, he would've been able to kill you when you needed to.

It all started with you catching a cold, something stupid really, you weren't even that worried and you seem to be doing fine as always. Somehow that cold started to eat at you like some kind of illness, your skin full of colour and warmth started to get ghostly and cold, your eyelids found difficult to stay open more than halfway and overall your whole body seemed to be getting weaker and weaker. He had to watch how you were slowly slipping off and all he could do was just pester you into going to the hospital, which obviously you didn't even want to consider. He couldn't ask for help, he couldn't help you himself and you were too weak to tell him what to do to make it better. The situation was too much even for him and all he wanted to do was run away as far as he could and hide until everything got better. You kept saying you wanted him close to you cause he made you feel better, even though he always felt like you knew what was going to happen and you just didn't want to be alone. He wasn't able to say no either way, he could never say no to you.

He didn't leave your side and for the first time he got to repay you all that care you have given to him. Everything he did seemed useless, not any amount of care or affection seemed to stop your body from withering away under his eyes.

All he could think of was every what if that could've changed all of this, every single one of them ended up with always the same answer blaming him for everything.

He didn't show how much he cared, he never gave you what you deserve and has come to take for granted that you would always be there, that you would always be just..you.

He was actually there when it all happened. He saw everything that he liked about you, but never made it known, decayed and started to look like a really macabre replica of what you used to be. He had to look in your eyes as your very soul started to vanish into oblivion, leaving behind your body to be consumed by the virus. You initially went really cold and stiff, he couldn't even touch you part because his hands were shaking so much and part because he couldn't find the courage to actually feel your body being dead.

He swore that for a moment the air felt so heavy he almost felt like he was drowning just by breathing. He wanted to scream but his vocal cords were so atrophied by years of silence that all he got were muffled and painful noises, his heart beating so fast that it felt like it was growing with each beat. He just crumbled to the floor and had to remove his mask before passing out, a hot stream of tears was freely bathing his cheeks and his face was contorted by pain.

He has never suffered this much as he was now kneeling on the floor, trembling and running his hands through his hair.

It felt like dying but not quite as peaceful, he literally felt the hand of god crushing him down and stopping just in time for him to breathe before starting all over again and again. He felt the need to rip his own heart out of his chest to make it stop, to make everything stop hurting. Or at least to squeeze his lungs enough to attempt to scream the pain out, even though he knew it was an endless kind of pain that was going to just keep growing until there was no more Michael but just the aftermath of it.

In the midst of his own breakdown he tried to hold your hand, almost forgetting that your death was the reason for him to feel like this. As soon as your cold hand met with his barely warm one he snapped his gaze to you.

Everything stopped, there was nothing left for him other than watching you. That was the only thing he had left and he intended to do it for hours if necessary.

He gently brought your hand to his cheek just as you wanted him to do so many times, he kept staring at your emotionless face and his brain got more and more quiet as he took in fully the fact that he would never see you again. Sure, he could look at your corpse for eternity but it was just that, a corpse. He couldn't help to feel like he has consumed you, that your love for him after not being reciprocated has kind of poisoned your entire system. He revisits everytime he has denied you a hug or a kiss or even some comfort when you were literally crying your eyes out, all he sees is little pieces of you going bad and rotting until they all made you sick.

He has now to live with his never given love. To feel it go sour and bad inside of him but never having the pleasure of being killed by it, just to be reminded every day forever about what he has done.

He lays next you, holding you close to him while trying to find a little bit of that warmth you always had. Hours pass by and he's still there holding you and watching, taking a few every single detail of your face to burn it in his brain so he never forgets you.

He was never going to get over you, and for a moment when he saw your hand moving he thought that God was real. His mind was already full of energy and motivation to keep all the mental promises he has made of being the man you deserved. All those promises were about to become his doom since Michael got more than what he bargained for.

#slasher fandom #slashers #slasher community #slasher fanfiction #slasher x reader #horror movies #slasher headcanons #michael myers #slasher movies #slasher #slasher imagines #peepaw michael myers #og michael myers #rz michael myers #michael myers x reader #Spotify

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tiffanylamps · 1 year

Note

🔥🔥🔥🔥 of course, some beyond evil hot takes 🔥🔥🔥🔥 but also, what is some controversial opinion that you have about something entirely mundane :^0

ask me ask me ask me baby (Disclaimer: I started writing this, then had dinner, watched an episode of Bros on Foot, then had a shower and now I'm pretty exhausted (thanks rona + bad health). So my answers may seem a lil disorganised... they most likely are) Oh, gosh. I don't think I have that many opinions that are actually controversial when discussing be. But I shall still give it a go. I going to put a break here 'cause I really didn't know when to shut up. Also, sorry Iva but I feel like my answers are things we've already spoken about. So, I don't think any of this is new information to you 😩 TL;DR: Dong Sik and Joo Won shouldn't be represented by one aspect of their character. They're more complicated than that. (Including a mundane opinion at the end) (please excuse any weird funny business in this post (writing, grammar, spelling, clarity), we're trying our best here at Lamps HQ)

i. We as a fandom baby Dong Sik too much. I love Dong Sik. I adore him. He has seen and experienced far too many traumas, and I want nothing but good things for him in his future. What happened to him and his family when he was 20 was a tragedy that could have been avoided if the system (which should be in place to aid victims) wasn't systemically corrupt. He was beaten by police officers whilst in custody. He was framed and belittled, degraded, and humiliated. (the trauma he experienced is so layered and would take a lifetime for him to unpack and get closure from).

It almost completely ruined his life and future prospects, and it would have been done if Nam Sang Bae hadn't come in with his lvl 100 guilt and tried to make up for his actions. Dong Sik tried to make the best out of the awful circumstances that befell him and I sincerely admire him. Not everyone is as kind and loving as Dong Sik.... But but but... Buuuuut that doesn't absolve him of his actions. He murdered someone with his bare hands and allowed the system that was once put against him to be used in his favour.

Police officers shouldn't be murdering civilians. full stop. Yes, he was emotionally compromised- technically it could be seen as self-defence, but an unconvicted man, a suspect, was murdered and Dong Sik didn't face repercussions. Nam Sang Bae skewed the evidence so Dong Sik didn't get into trouble. Dong Sik took a year (?) off work after that event and to "help" him recover, Sang Bae got Dong Sik transferred to his substation (which Sang Bae had been demoted to as a result of one of his rookies dying on the job. Although, it wasn't deemed much of a punishment considering he was so close to retiring anyway). All the while, Dong Sik feels justified for his actions (as he did when he moved Min Jeong's fingers). (Screenshots from the translated script book/author's notes doc)

I think it's best that when discussing and exploring Dong Sik's character, we remember that he is a man capable of murder. He is a murderer. (Do I blame him for what he did? No, not really. I can see why he did it. Objectively, I fucking love it for the narrative lol). But yeah, he isn't a guiltless sweet baby angel who never did anything wrong in his life. (DISCLAIMER: obviously jokes are just jokes. I love them and I never want them to stop. I am super guilty of participating in this line of joking and I'm not about to stop any time soon. But when discussing DS in serious conversations, we shouldn't erase his history. By doing that, we are devoiding him of agency and retribution (which is one of the main arcs/themes of his character development)).

ii. Joo Won is autistic and people need to stop calling him stupid. I will die on this hill, I don't care. I fully encourage everyone to bully Joo Won, because, well, he fucking deserves it. I know that bullying him is a hilarious love language the fandom has developed and I fully participate in this pastime. I honestly love it. Yes, he has done a lot wrong and shouldn't be absolved of his sins (that being said, we should allow him the space to learn and grow. We should learn to forgive whilst still keeping him and ourselves in check). But where I draw the line is when people outright laugh at his characteristics/actions which are derived from the fact that Joo Won is coded as autistic.

I know not everyone is going to be particularly versed in neurodivergent symptoms and that is completely fine. I even didn't fully clock Joo Won being autistic the first time I watched the show- I "labelled" his actions as a result of one) his obscenely privileged upbringing and two) the fact that he (imo) has some degree of OCD (which is a type of anxiety disorder). Then it hit me one day that he is soooo autistic. A few examples (I'm too ill to list each one or go into full detail): 1- People say that he's a bad detective. Which, ugh. 2- That he should have seen the "obvious" signs that Dong Sik wasn't the killer earlier. This sentiment completely ignores the timeline of the show and the fact that the viewer is provided information that Joo Won doesn't have access to. And it also removes Dong Sik's accountability for being purposely obtuse and antagonistic. 3- the whole (very minor) narrative that joo won is lame because he has terrible people skills (or something along those lines, I can't quite remember the tags I read as it was a while ago). This one, in particular, ties in with Joo Won's autism coding. With a (relatively sound) understanding of what autism looks like in male adults, to me, it would seem that a lot of what Joo Won does (speaking bluntly, getting easily confused when provided a lot of information during an intense situation, overwhelm, struggling to gauge people's emotions/tone, being very black and white, hyper focussing on a topic of interest, struggling to adapt to new social environments, masking, issues with food and sensory stimulation, etc) can be credited to autism. Perhaps I'm connecting dots that don't exist and am projecting an ideal onto his character, but as someone who grew up with multiple friends and family members who are neurodiverse (and is neurodiverse myself), I can see so many similarities between Joo Won's actions, thought processes, and mannerisms to that of a person with autism.

^ (credit) here is an overview of some characteristics of autism in adults (obviously, it's a complex topic which differs from person to person. But I can definitely connect many of these examples to joo won's character and actions). [I feel like I could say a lot more about this subject, but it would be distracting away from the original point. I have thoughts on Joo Won masking and how he struggles to mask around Dong Sik]

How does this relate to Joo Won being "stupid"? One may ask. I will try to explain it as best I can (even though I don't fully have my answer planned out). Labelling Joo Won as stupid, as a stuck-up nepo baby who did nothing for the storyline, or just a useless dolt that needed Dong Sik to spoon-feed him, completely misconstrues the source material. Joo Won is intelligent, hard-working, determined, stubborn, foolish, annoying, pompous, proud, narrow-minded, snobby, short-sighted, dedicated, loyal, loving, persistent, and perceptible to change (and even more than that). We wouldn't have a story if Joo Won was stupid. We wouldn't have a conclusion if Joo Won was stupid. Downplaying Joo Won's intelligence and chalking up his characteristics as something that makes him less-than does a complete disservice to his character as well as his importance within the story. Beyond Evil is a story with TWO leads. It's not the Dong Sik show. I can NEVER subscribe to the act of bringing one character down in order to hold another up. Dong Sik is not this all-seeing, all-knowing, flawless character. If he was, he would have never been framed for murder, he wouldn't have been stuck for 20 years, and he wouldn't have needed help in uncovering the truth. He needed Joo Won (and Ji Hwa, Jae Yi, Jung Je, Ji Hoon, Du Soo, Sang Bae, etc). Without Joo Won, he may have never found out the full truth of what happened to his sister (as how many people in his life had a part to play in the traumas he faced). So, I think it's about time that people start to recognise Joo Won as a neurodivergent character (and stop giving him a hard time for not seeing signs that WE were given), as well as stop downplaying him. Kim Soo Jin, Sim Na Yeon, and Yeo Jin Goo created such a multi-dimensional, complex, flawed character with good and bad qualities, it does a disservice to their creativity and hard work when one belittles Joo Won down to one descriptor. Dong Sik and Joo Won aren't just the idiot and the downtrodden. They're more than that and fan interpretation shouldn't rewrite the facts of the show.

Anyway... there's a point in there somewhere... I think... I have no idea if I managed to construct a reply that makes sense. I don't think I fully relayed all my thoughts on this particular matter, but we live. tbh, I feel very icky when an autistic character gets labelled as stupid or useless. It gets on my nerves and if it wasn't obvious, I am pretty protective of Joo Won (maybe I shouldn't be, but... well... here we are!). Also, as a note: I don't expect anyone to agree with my opinion that Joo Won is autistic. But yeah, I was going to include more "controversial" opinions for be, but I have already said way too much. This post reads like a rant - which it probably is - and I don't want it to ruffle anyone's feathers. It's not an attack, it's just my opinion.

As for the mundane opinion: iii. kiwis are the scum of the fruit world. They're nasty and a lot of effort to eat (considering they don't taste great), and their texture is gross. But I do think their furry shell is pretty neat, even if it makes my skin cruel. (idk why this was the first thing that came to mind lol)

(sorry Iva. Maybe one day I will learn how to give short answers😂🫣)

#ask answered #ask game #chatty lamps #thank you <3 #beyond evil #i'm ill and yet I manage to write this beast of a post. this is what this show has done to me. i just can't help myself 😂#i do have more opinions for be that are less intense and a lot more fun but... i guess i wanted to have a bitch and moan #as a pre-emptive warning:#rn i will not be taking constructive criticisms. maybe in the future. but right now??? I'm trying not to be miserable #soooo if anyone thinks i suck for what i wrote then... 🤷‍♀️ idk... maybe keep it to yourself

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straightouttheslendermansionn · 1 year

Text

𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 𝕄𝕖𝕟 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕪 𝕃𝕠𝕠𝕜 𝔽𝕠𝕣 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕟𝕖𝕣

Characters: Kaeya, Diluc, Zhongli, Childe

Next: Baizhu, Xiao, Thoma, Ayato

CW: Just good ol fluffy content tbh

𝕂𝕒𝕖𝕪𝕒

Someone who matches his snarky and flirty energy would be preferred

If you can’t snap back half as witty or make things interesting, forget about it.

Either someone like him or the complete opposite. The latter because he finds the idea of someone the polar opposite of him to be an intriguing change of pace.

Bonus if his interest happens to act like they don’t want him. He likes the chase.

Someone he can sit in The Angel’s Share with and talk with for hours over fine wine.

If flirtation is valued over all else, come get your man.

——————————————————————————

𝔻𝕚𝕝𝕦𝕔

This should be a given in any relationship, but Diluc absolutely needs someone who can give him space when necessary.

He needs a ride-or-die. Not a desperate person who will do reckless things for him. Someone who would do what is necessary for him, themself, and for the good of others.

Diluc may push people away, but he isn’t stupid. It’s a test. He needs someone who will stay with him, no matter what the circumstance is.

He has an inner weakness for soft, simple and gracious people. Bonus for someone who is as sweet and pure on the inside as they seem on the outside. He thinks it a rare occurrence but loves it no less.

Acts of service is his middle name, so you better be able to handle him asking if you’d like his help with every task you’re handed.

Just let him pamper you dammit—

——————————————————————————

ℤ𝕙𝕠𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕚

This man needs patience. He’s kinda an idiot when it comes to money but a really kind and dignified one.

He’d also be more than welcoming to a curious soul, especially if they’re willing to lend an ear to a three-hour-long explanation of ancient battles and the many fruits and consequences of said battles. We all know he has stories for days.

Bonus if they actively participate in conversation on said topic :D

He loves getting you gifts or finding relics and explaining their significance to you.

He could care less whether or not his partner knows of his former role of Morax, just so long as they don’t treat him differently because of it

He needs someone with grace and resolve. Someone who respects the idea of contracts and will keep their word no matter what.

Someone he can live a simple life with is all he could ever crave.

——————————————————————————

ℤ𝕙𝕠𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕚’𝕤 𝕎𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕥

(I’m sorry, I just love bullying him. We all do. And after he unleashed that whale attack on us the amount of times he did? It’s justified.)

This guy is absolutely frightening. If you’re not walking up to him, most of the time he’ll brush you off.

You better be willing to spar with and flirt with him at the same time. This is his love language. Period.

You also better not be scared or sad for him if you of happen to know of his Eleventh Harbinger status.

Due to the above, he would honestly prefer someone who doesn’t know that he’s a harbinger.

He’d definitely fall for someone who doesn’t present as scary and rough but is quite the wild card. A smart one, not a stupid one.

Technically off topic but physical touch is also a big thing for him, give this asshole physical affection.

#genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #genshin childe #tartaglia #childe #zhongli #diluc ragnvindr #diluc x gender neutral reader #diluc and kaeya #kaeya x gender neutral reader #osmanthus wine tastes the same as i remember #but where are those who share the memory

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aroacehanzawa · 1 year

Note

So the other day you made a post about the new bsd episode and you were talking about your dislike of Dazai in Meursault, particularly his whole "godzai" portrayal and his moments with Sigma; I was wondering if you could elaborate a bit more on your thoughts about that? Tbh, I completely understand when people say they hate Dazai being written that way, I don't like it at its worst either and I'm not trying to justify the writing or anything, but I'm trying to hold out hope that however Dazai and Fyodor's game concludes (probably thanks to Sigma and/or Chuuya's intervention) will make it all worth it. Like there's definitely way too much bullshit that goes on (the heartbeat thing, the coded language, deus ex machina time-stopping cat girl that only Dazai can circumvent, etc) and Asagiri pushes it too much sometimes, but I think the idea of it, of how ridiculously insanely smart Dazai & Fyodor can be to the point of stupidity and endlessly one-upping each other, is meant to be built up that way to drive home Dazai's point in chapter 77 about how only people "beneath" them so to speak can make any kind of change -- again, probably Sigma and Chuuya.

And as for Dazai's relationship with Sigma, imo that's really important because in contrast to Dazai's godzai moments, Sigma is what's keeping him still humanized him right now. Like Dazai is clearly mentally slipping back to his older, darker mindset being around Fyodor, his intellectual equal and someone who brings out his "inhuman" tendencies, but Sigma on the other hand he flat-out said reminds him of Kunikida and Atsushi, the people who influence him positively, and he wanted to save his life, aka Sigma helps keep Dazai's promise to Oda to save people/orphans alive. It gives some much-needed levity to his godzai moments, and especially in the most recent two chapters, the way he interacts with Sigma imo shows how much growth Dazai has had, even with being in Meursault and everything he's done around Fyodor. He acknowledged to Sigma that he's just an ordinary human and not a god, despite his intelligence, which is something he never would have admitted a while ago... that's why I wanna believe that even with all the bs he's done so far vs Fyodor, his character is still moving in a positive direction. Though I know it can still be really irritating and not feel that way because of how short the chapters are and everything moving at a snail's pace and how many years we've been dealing with Meursault Dazai lol.

Aaskdfjfkdd sorry for the rambling but I just have a lot of feelings about this, I hope it all made sense. :' ) Again I definitely understand your irritation though; I myself just read 55 Minutes for the first time, and as much as I love Dazai, that novel.... is by far the worst of his "godzai" moments lmao, it was far too much even for me and pissed me off a lot 💀 I have more hope for how this current manga arc will end, though.

Sorry this has been sitting in my ask box for AGES so "the other day" more like a few weeks ago 😭

But thanks for the message and don't worry about rambling, you have some great points! Honestly i just didn't really know how to elaborate on my thoughts and feelings on godzai other than what i've already mentioned here and there, and it's pretty much what you said, like the heartbeat thing, the coded language, the catgirl (that i completely forgot about because i don't really pay attention to the new chapters oops)

I do agree with you that it's like Dazai is slipping into his old, darker mindset around Fyodor, but it's frustrating to see that after knowing about his character development.. and also, how much of that is actually Dazai and Fyodor being their little dynamic demon duo together, and how much of it is just poor writing to use Dazai as a plot device?

Like one of my favourite Dazai moments was when he made a mistake in the helicopter when looking for Fyodor during the cannibalism arc, because it showed him being human and being fooled like a human. But more importantly we then saw him recruit Fitzgerald's help, which was a great moment of collaboration and shows just how much even Dazai needs to rely on others, and how good the outcome was.

It felt like a step in the right direction for Dazai's character, and we definitely see him appreciate how human it is to work together and rely on others, based on his conversations with Fyodor in Meursault. So it just feels a bit empty to have him show all of this development and still be treated like a pawn for the narrative who magically knows all the solutions or the outcomes in advance.

#sigma is definitely a positive influence to dazai! so it's a shame that the plot is so focused on high-stakes action #that we get less genuine conversations between them (or between any other characters for that matter) than we could be getting otherwise #also you're right that 55 minutes had some of the worst godzai moments.... i think i blocked most of that out lmao i only remember wells #and atsushi and akutagawa's interactions #well anyway. rip to the bsd manga these days. you would be so good if you were good <3 #bsd

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tetsunabouquet · 5 months

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Alright, I am nearly done with the final piece for Kinktober (you can see it as a early Christmas gift guys. It will be later up this week), and wanted to write but I couldn't think of anything for the few headcanons I have in my drafts folder to post. I decided to read articles to see if there was someone stupid enough to rant about, or better yet, actually inspire me. Per usual, I found no inspirations for my headcanons but someone stupid instead. The moment I read the title, I knew I had to click on it. A boy-mom whining about a research regarding children disguised as a parenting article. Thanks to my deadbeat father's wife, I know very much that the toxic boy-mom from TikTok is a real phenomenon and I couldn't resist looking at it. It was about the way different genders are treated in school. Girls were given more compliments about being well-behaved and studious then boys and it pissed her off. She said she was a child psychologist and came with all kinds of arguments that I, as an autistic woman who did had to research about children's psychology to pass children's literature could debunk every time- yes she did try to play the neurodivergent card as well as the race one. I'll get to that later. First, let's debunk her argument that girls and boys are developmentally about the same. That's false. Psychologically as well as physically, boys are about 2 years behind the female development. It's why girls hit their growth spurth about a year or two before boys do (ages 12 and 14 on average respectively). Girls really are naturally more mature then boys. The let's get to neurodivergent card, she tried to talk about how boys are more physically active (which they are) but then brought in ADHD and autism in correlation and how its tied to it.... BITCH NO. ADHD? Naturally is related to hyper-active behavior but what on earth does autism have to do with boys being more physically active? The fact she repeated the old boys club slogan, pissed me off. Women on the spectrum have different symptoms and a lot have been misdiagnosed over the years because of how male-centric the diagnostic system for the spectrum is. There is no actual confirmation boys really do have autism on way higher levels then girls when the diagnostic system fails to look for female specific symptoms. Lady, you have no right to make claims about our community, especially when it's used to justify your own internalized misogyny! Which brings me to, lets debunk how this sympathy card is supposed to distract you from the fact she gives no evidence to debunk that girls are more studious and do better at school. Because they do. Like my textbook said, 'Girls read more then boys do,' and there were already articles published about girls performing better back when I was a kid. My days of reading newspaper articles started when I was about 11 or 12 and back then I remember reading an article that actually highlighted the phenomenon. Nice try. The one thing she does seem to understand though, is that whilst interracial relationships are surely a thing, someone's taste in partners is often developped when young with the people around you shaping what you like. A blonde mom with all her fair skinned sons is likely going to have them grow up chasing white girls, which is why she brought in an entirely different research about POC kids and tried to frame it in a way like it was all apart of the same research and that white girls are the most priviliged at school. When, again, the research was unrelated, and even that one has a valid hypothesis resting on misogyny and how a part of the muslim community likes to keep their women and daughters as dumb as possible (remember my aforementioned Turkish childhood best friend and how her mom barely spoke a word of the Dutch language after decades of being here? Her father kept his wife as helpless as he possibly could.) What a vile woman you are, I see what you are doing.

#tetsutalk #boy moms #childrens psychology #girls #boys #girls study harder #perhaps its the maturity or its the sexism we had/have to overcome to show we are worthy of education as well #ever thought of that Karen?

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enki2 · 7 months

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i hate that twitter screenshot that's been going around that's basically telling people never to consider other people's feelings and then conflating that with "taking up space". it's stupid, and because people are liable to take it seriously, it's also kind of dangerous.

living in a society means stepping back and assessing how our actions affect other people. humans are not born domesticated: it takes about 20 years for us to get to the point where we begin to be effective at avoiding hurting the people we love, under ideal circumstances, and few of our circumstances are ideal.

a relationship with another human being involves both people making a good faith effort to suppress and redirect those instincts that, if not suppressed or redirected, would harm the other person. this can never be done perfectly, because human beings are wild beasts, and because our society is not built around fulfilling our needs the way personal relationships *must* be.

most people who cannot redirect their desires to pro-social ends are children, so we call people who choose not to do this childish.

for instance, i have a very human need: i want the people i like to also like me. sometimes this is simply impossible: i fail too often to behave in ways someone finds acceptable, and they can't be around me; to demand that they continue to be my friend would be childish! similarly, if i demand that they show me affection without justifying it, that would be childish. the adult thing to do is, if you want somebody to like you, be likeable, and if they still don't like you, give up and leave them alone.

healthy relationships involve people trying their best to be mutually tolerable, doing things for each other to try to make up for the future when they will inevitably fail to be tolerable, trying to forgive what failures are forgivable, and handling the collapse of this arrangement in such a way as to minimize pain (since all human relationships are doomed, if only by the inevitability of death).

part of the reason the meme annoys me so much is that people should know better. like, OP is using therapy language but apparently never fucking read madness and civilization? go back to high school, re-take intro psych, and come back when you're not gonna try to convince lonely vulnerable people that the key to love and friendship is to become that one friend with no self control who everybody dreads hanging out with

the sane version of this is: yes, anybody who doesn't give you at least as much slack for failing to cater to their needs as you give to them is not being fair, and a relationship with them is not going to last, so maybe cut them off.

but don't become an adult that needs to be babysat just because some tweet told you that all your impulses are perfect

"take up space" is also a horrible framing.

accept the space that is offered to you, and if the space that is offered is too cramped to live in, leave. don't invite yourself into somebody's house and steal their couch.

this only applies to friendships and other kinds of equitable arrangements, of course.

when it comes to, say, work, being careful to avoid imposing on people is not always an ethical consideration: it's one thing to impose upon colleagues, but you don't owe your boss any courtesy; instead, it is a matter of life or death ("being authentic" at work *will* get you fired, pretty much no matter *who* you are or *where* you work, and regardless of ostensible legal protections). we should not allow ourselves to confuse the two situations (which may even overlap and interact, but which have extremely different dynamics).

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the-firebird69 · 1 year

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Oh gee whiz look who has it how surprising

Zues

Spew Sarah we use it now on yours

Hera

I got something to say this too will come up started harassing the s*** out of him and they won't let him do basic stuff to try and get by what you say is justified it was doing to them it's justified always doing and saying here isn't he says yeah it is it's just that I'm stupid so I have to wait for the answer apparently I don't know what it means he says my two douchebags it has been I'm going to remove the necklace whether or not they know what to do with it that's what they're up to and I heard that all night long. But I do see why they want to grow a crystal and I'm wondering what for and it says for doping is to cut two ships supposedly and he says it's not what Tommy F wants and it's usually what you should try and figure out so kind of mad at them cuz they're doing this job and just keep blabbing and threatening me like to threatening him it's a waste of time energy and money and a huge assholes to our friend here just trying to tell me about it and you wouldn't let him do it and your goal is to do just what time you have wants so we'll see if I can do the big f****** deal you have an invented bread again have you I mean holy s*** that's dumb

Sarah

I suppose without getting it and he said kryptonite to Superman and it's by mack. As old point out what he's doing what Tommy f done that a bunch of times. I suppose I see what you say I'm fighting him they were fighting everybody else and they were fighting him it doesn't make any sense cuz just kept fighting Tommy f and so he got something instead of doing this idiotic s***. So try to kidnap him he says that's true it will be there again and people can see that and here it goes I don't know how to say this he doesn't want us here you keep on f****** our own people and he doesn't want to take the blame for it. See but you can't simply move me out there's no repercussions since I'm here illegally and it's not that hard to move me out it's just that people won't so it's devastating myself in the realm until people move me out and it's repercussions afterwards means he's going to wipe us out anyways it's easier when he's not here that's over here what he's saying. What you say is I'm trying to kill you cuz you go over there so I can get a better shot it says I'm right he says it everyday it doesn't care if I hear it. Now wondering what I'm doing what I'm doing is exciting them to go after me and the max and a whole bunch of other people but I don't seem to care I just want to sit here in this apartment the language away with him and bother him to death too well he's in trouble anyways it's very pitiful but that's what I'm doing

Trump

So why are you doing it you have me stuff here with you

Dave

They back and forth like this for hours, and they're not because we put a warning out. And they see what it is. But he says is you have to stop them from doing that and basically they need to be ripped out of here right now if humongous idiots The invasion failed and their little b******. And we understand it and we see it and we're going to take care of it and cause them harm.

Thor Freya

We're going to have them first and we've got orders to do so we're coming in now to make sure it happens

Abomination and she abomination

This is all those you're threatening my father and mother so we're going to threaten you we're going to treat you to your own head as well if you don't like it who cares you're so damn stupid

Darth Maul Darth Talon

We approve them to do the actions they're stating and and more but now we assessing Max and ripping all the trumpsters out of Florida they're going to take him down in the news and elsewhere and remove him from posts along with them it's going miserably slow and it's because of the trumpsters placimg bombs in society

Olympus

We need a lot more teams in here and we're sending them in they do have all over to remove devices

I'm getting ready to move out we have tons of teams but we still need more and I'm going to point out where and we need volunteers for the service immediately these guys are red hot and they're moving on it fast and it's all the morlock and we need people on the other side to start hiring anti-terror guys like madness

Duke Nukem Blockbuster

I'm going ahead and doing that now I put it out there here but really on our channels I'm going to hire people now we need a ton of people to do this

Mac daddy

I'm getting together and I'm hiring since people and putting it out there and as instructed but we really need a huge Army and would not get that done if you have any military experience at all and you can hear what I'm saying we need you to report to duty immediately Max

Ben Arnold

I'm sure you understand what we're saying we need the same thing and our people you need to respond much faster with a lot more people it's a cry for help this devices are dangerous and our people are entire need so please respond if you have a moment today or a date and help us with or you're not doing essential things I need your report to duty right now

Thor Freya

All of us are to listen we need to get our people going and we need to do it ourselves and we need to do it right now

Olympus

I'm suggesting that the recruiters on the basis did it all over the place put on a talk this morning to be a town meeting at that base

Zues Hera

How to do that right now this is structured way to do it and it's a good way to do it and we're going to do a lot of other stuff too but what a wonderful idea

Olympus

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babybluebex · 3 years

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next week [baron zemo x reader]

summary ↠ you're hired to give a message to a german prisoner, but you never expected to actually take a liking to him. pairing ↠ baron helmut zemo x fem!reader (y/n) word count ↠ 2.9k warnings ↠ explicit language, a bit of nonsexual choking, zemo calls you a bitch a/n ↠ after a week, here she is!! also, if there's demand for it... part 2? until then, enjoy! masterlist/taglist in bio!

The prison felt cold and unforgiving, and you instinctively wrapped your arms around yourself. You followed the guard down the halls, twists and turns with no hope of remembering the correct way out.You figured that they had designed it that way on purpose; nobody could leave and escape if the way out was a labyrinth. Finally, you were led to a man sitting at a desk. His eyes followed you as you approached, and it was only once you were fully in front of him did he speak. “Name?” he asked in German, and you cleared your throat. Your German was shaky, but would have to do.

“Zemo,” you replied. “I’m here for visitation with my husband.”

The man laughed a bit. “Pretty girl visiting her man in prison,” he mumbled. “Such a waste. Take off your jacket, Frau Zemo.”

You had no reason to be nervous, but you still shook a bit when you slid your jacket off and held your arms out for the necessary pat-down. But, as you pondered it, you actually had quite a lot to be scared of. The past three days had been hell, for sure. It started with a firm knock on your apartment door in your home of New York City, and you had opened it to see a man with a metal arm and surprisingly kind eyes. He had introduced himself as simply James, and he had told you that he needed you to do something for him.

“I know you’re Sokovian,” James had explained. “I found your name on a registry of citizens that were moved to the US following the Sokovia incident a few years back. If you do this for me, I’ll help you get access to the city ruins. You were young when you lost your parents, yeah? I know the feeling. Not having closure is… Awful. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But, in order to do that, I need you to do something for me?”

You had looked James up and down. “What is the something?” you asked.

“I have a friend,” he began and gave a little wince. “Acquaintance. Umm, I know someone who’s in a German prison right now, and he’s going to be a big help to me and my business partner. All you need to do is go in and give him a message.”

“What sort of message?”

“‘Winter’s coming soon. Next week, I imagine.’ Has to be that, verbatim; don’t say anything about who sent you or why. I’ve already got the meeting and everything set up, you just need to go visit him and give him that message.”

“What does that mean?” you asked.

James had hesitated for a moment, tapping his metal fingers against the arm of his chair. “It’s better if you didn’t know,” he said. “I need as little people involved here as possible. I would go in and give him the message myself, but I’m kind-of a wanted man myself. Will you help us?”

James had been thorough in setting up the meeting, even going as far as purchasing a gently-used set of rings for you to wear. He told you that this man, Helmut Zemo, had been in prison for seven years for a variety of things, the heftiest being murder. “He was justified, though,” James said, and you pretended not to notice his small “I guess.”

The guard said something into his radio unit, and you caught enough of it to know that he was approving you to enter. You knew nothing about this Helmut Zemo other than what James had told you, only the bare basics. Sokovian, had a family that was killed at the same time as yours. According to James, Zemo wasn’t dangerous. He would be more confused than anything, he told you. But, no matter what Zemo did, if he denied he had in you no right, you had to keep with it and deliver the message in a natural way. You were his wife, and you were happy to see him.

The light flicked on over the bed, and Zemo gave a quiet grunt of disdain. It was four in the afternoon, and he always asked for the light to be off. Four was when other prisoners were granted visitation, but he had nobody. Stupid light must have accidentally been triggered.

“Zemo!” he heard a guard call from down the hall, and he pulled himself from bed and approached the plexiglass divider that separated him from freedom. “I thought you said you don’t have a wife!”

“I don’t!” Zemo called back, an irritated edge in his voice.

He finally saw the guard turn the corner and approach, and his eyes instantly fixed on the girl that was trailing behind him. She was young, much, much younger than him, and strikingly beautiful. Maybe it was the seven years in jail, but he could have sworn that he was looking at an angel. She seemed nervous, and Helmut focused his gaze on the rings on her left hand. Before he could speak up and correct the guard that this woman wasn’t his wife, she spoke up. “My God,” she whispered in a soft English, her voice heavy with a familiar Sokovian accent. “Helmut, you look… Tired, my love.”

Zemo tried to gauge the woman. She seemed too green to be an assassin, so at least that was something. And she knew his name. How did she know his name? “I am tired, mein lieber,” he sighed, and he pressed his palms up against the glass. She stepped closer and did the same, laying her hands just opposite his, and he examined her rings. Small, simple, unassuming. Props. “You’re so beautiful.”

You gave a small laugh, one that you hoped sounded like a woman whose husband had complimented her. Did he really mean it? Or had he caught onto the act as well? He seemed smart, you had to admit. And he was handsome too. Though his eyes were dull and dark with exhaustion, they were still a lovely brown. His hair was messy but showed hints of ginger in the dark locks, and his scruffy facial hair accented his soft jaw. However exhausted he was, he was still quite the looker. And he was the first full-blooded Sokovian that you had willingly met since the incident. “Can I hold him?” you asked the guard, lowering your voice and tightening your throat to try to feign emotion. “Please?”

The guard blinked slowly, and he nodded. He translated the request through his radio, and, just a moment later, there was the loud buzz as the cell door was unlocked, and it slowly creaked open. You wasted no time in meeting Zemo at the door and throwing your arms around him, and he held you with the strength of a thousand men as you dug your face into his neck. He shushed you gently, stroking your back, and he pressed his mouth to your temple in a fake kiss. “Why’re you here?” he mumbled through gritted teeth, praying the guard hadn’t noticed it. “Who are you?”

“I missed you,” you whimpered into his neck. “I’m sorry, Helmut, but I moved to the States, and I couldn’t exactly tell people who I was or who you were or why I was living in New York alone but married--”

Zemo moved his lips from your temple to your mouth, and he captured you in a slow and deliberate kiss. Whatever game you were playing, he would join. What’s a bit of fun? Anyway, seven years was a long time to not even touch a woman. If he wanted to kiss you, you would let him. According to the stories James had told you about his family, you figured that he deserved it.

You finally pulled out of the kiss and embraced the man once more, and you mumbled, “It’s so cold in here, Helmut. How do you manage?”

“I make do, mein lieber,” Zemo said. “At least you’re here to keep me warm now.”

“Not for very long,” you said softly. Then, you looked over your shoulder at the guard, and you asked, “Ten minutes, yes?”

The guard nodded silently, and you turned back to Zemo. “Well,” you started, breaking away from him and passing your hand over your cheek to wipe up (nonexistent) tears. “Show me your room.”

Zemo gave a small smile and took your hand, the one with the rings, and you pulled you into the cell. You weren’t lying; it was awfully cold. The room was devoid of much of anything, just the bed and a small sink and toilet in the corner. Books were stacked up beside the bed, all dog-eared and torn at the corners, and a small woven mat was in front of the bed.

“You’ve taken good care of them,” Zemo said suddenly, and you looked away from the stack of books to see him holding your hand up to see the rings. “I figured you wouldn’t even wear them after…”

“What makes you think that?” you asked gently. “I married you, I’d never pretend I didn’t.”

“I love you,” Zemo said quickly, nearly interrupting your sentence. “I missed you.”

You nodded silently, and Zemo tugged you into him once more. His arms were tight around your waist, his hand stroking up and down your back, and he laid a small kiss on your neck. Zemo kept his mouth at your pulse point for long enough to gauge just how fast your heart was beating, and he nodded to himself. A spy of some sort. But what did you want?

You looked at the glass wall of the cell, and you saw that the guard had stepped away, and suddenly every piece of James’ plan fell into place in your mind. Like James said, he couldn’t give Zemo the message himself, and it would be weird for someone like James’ partner to come visit Zemo in prison, especially after seven years of absolutely nobody, so someone else would have to do. You, a young Sokovian girl, Zemo’s wife, made sense. But after seven years, what wouldn’t make sense was if the married couple’s first meeting was just a conversation through a wall. No, the only way it made sense was if it was a conjugal visit.

Fuck.

Apparently, Zemo had caught onto this quicker than you had. His mouth on your neck pulled away in exchange for your lips, his hands captured your waist, and he tugged you fully into him so that your bodies were flushed together. Your anxiety made a quick squeak fall from your mouth, and you covered it with a giggle; you were sure that, even though the guard was gone, you were still being watched. “Seven years hasn’t dulled your charms, so it seems,” you said, and Zemo laughed.

“Of course not,” he chuckled. His hands slid up your body, carefully delving under your shirt, and he added, “I haven’t seen you in so long, it’s almost like I’m starting from the beginning.” He pulled out of the kiss, and you saw his eyes canvasing you, and he said, “My name’s Helmut. And yours, beautiful lady?”

“Goodness,” you huffed. “You’ve already married me, silly.”

“Indulge me, mein lieber,” Zemo said. Even though it was an act for the security cameras, he truly wanted to know your name. Maybe, with that, he could piece together why you were there. “Won’t you play my little game?”

You rolled your eyes, but played along. You told him your name, and he gave you a tight smile. “Beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” he said gently, and you could see that he really meant it. Married or not, you could tell that Zemo-- Helmut-- was grateful for your presence. “Can I offer you a dance, mein lieber?”

You pressed your arms around his neck and laid your head on his chest, and he squeezed you in a tight hug. Softly, he began to hum something in your ear, only for the two of you to hear, and he sighed as the two of you began to sway to his humming.

“Who are you?” he whispered, planting a kiss on the side of your face. “Who sent you?”

You swallowed thickly. You remembered that James had instructed you not to speak of him, and you mumbled, “I can’t imagine how it must feel to be here.”

“What are you talking about?” Zemo snarled, and he pushed his leg in-between yours as an “explanation” for the sudden change in temper. “I asked who you are.”

“Helmut, you have to trust me,” you whispered quickly.

“Trust?” he huffed. “You come in here, lying about yourself, and ask me to trust you? You, the bitch who claims to be my wife? That’s a big ask, sweetheart.”

“I--” you began. You really didn’t want to anger James by breaking from the meticulous plan he had made up, but you were more afraid of the man between your legs at the moment. He was a more urgent threat. You took fistfuls of Zemo’s off-ginger hair and pulled him closer, pressing your forehead against his, and you whispered, “A man came to my apartment two days ago. He said he needed my help, and he told me to come here and deliver a message.”

To the outside onlooker, when Zemo put his hand on your throat, it might have looked innocent. Not truly innocent, but certainly harmless. But it scared you shitless. His fingers were strong, and his thumb dug straight into your windpipe. It hurt, and your throat immediately began to burn with the urge for breath. “I’ll ask again,” he said easily. His eyes were a new sort of dark, not by exhaustion or confusion or arousal, but by rage. “Who sent you here?”

“I don’t know who he is,” you said quickly. “I only know his first name.”

“Which is?”

“James,” you choked out. “Light eyes, dark hair, prosthetic arm.”

Zemo’s grip loosened for only a moment, but then his thumb went back to its place. “He sent you to give me a message, didn’t he?” he asked. “About the winter. What did he say?”

You felt lightheaded, but you tried to stand your ground. “It comes in a week,” you said quickly. “Please let go of me.”

“Why you?” Zemo asked. “Of everyone in the world, why you?”

“My mother was killed in Sokovia,” you said, and fought back the urge to gag. “I only found out because I heard her name on the radio. Her apartment is still there, and James promised me that he could bypass the military blockade and get me there to say goodbye.”

Zemo’s hand fell slack around your throat, then off altogether. He took a small step back, and his eyes fell to the floor as his brain whirred to life. “He lied to you,” Zemo said carefully. “There’s nothing left. Not when I last went, and certainly not now.”

Your heart sank, and you pressed your hand to your neck, right where he had been. “You’re lying,” you said. “Th-There has to be something there.”

“That military blockade is there to keep people from settling on the land,” Zemo said. “Most of it was taken by surrounding countries, but the worst of it was… Is, just barren land. There’s nothing left for you to mourn.”

“How do you know?” you sniffled. “You’ve been in prison for nearly a decade.”

“Because I was there,” Zemo said. “My wife, son, and father were killed there. You wasted your time coming here; James can’t do anything for you.”

You hesitated for a second, then said, “But you can, right?”

Zemo froze. It was momentary, and you wouldn’t have noticed it if you yourself hadn’t said the words that triggered it, but he let out a heavy breath and resumed with the close-quarters dancing, his grip suddenly gentle again. “What makes you think that, mein lieber?”

“I’m not stupid,” you chuckled lightly. “I was young when I lived in Sokovia, but I recognized you when I saw you. Baron Helmut Zemo, locked up in a German prison; how aristocratic is that?”

“I have no power anymore,” Zemo mumbled. Sometimes, he nearly forgot his lineage, especially since the country he served didn’t exist anymore past his memories. “I cannot do anything.”

“Right,” you whispered slowly. “I figured as much... Who is James?”

“A man that I used to know,” Zemo said. “A man that I’ve never been friendly with, which is why I’m surprised that he would seek me out. He didn’t say why he was coming, did he?”

You shook your head, and Zemo laughed humourlessly. “Of course he didn’t,” he mused. “Shouldn’t have expected that… Next week? Guess I have to keep you here, make sure I stay plenty warm, huh?”

“I wish,” you chuckled. “You are rather cute, Helmut.”

Helmut Zemo laughed, the tops of his cheeks going pink. “And you tease me about my charms,” he said, his voice finally above a whisper; suddenly, the act of estranged husband and wife was back. You could easily pass off the bought of anger and crying as Helmut being too passionate, as Sokovians tended to be. “If you don’t watch yourself, Y/N, I might have to marry you all over again.”

#baron zemo #baron helmut zemo #helmut zemo #baron zemo x reader #helmut zemo x reader #baron zemo x reader angst #baron zemo angst #helmut zemo x reader angst #helmut zemo angst #daniel bruhl #daniel bruhl x reader #daniel bruhl x reader angst #daniel bruhl angst #helmut zemo fanfiction #baron zemo fanfiction #daniel bruhl fanfiction #kit.txt

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cloudninetonine · 3 years

Text

A past that still haunts me

A/N: Hey guys, it's me (ya boi) I'm back with my still current hyper fixation Genshin Impact and a vent fic because I've been really stressed and well, it's hard living in my house :) It's a hurt/comfort fic because they always get to me and I needed to make something for myself

I am willing to do aftermath where the boys confront the abuser or do scenario but with different characters

Synopsis: You’re not a damsel in distress, you never have been and you never will be, but, well, sometimes you need a hero to rely on and that’s okay

Characters: Diluc, Kaeya, Zhongli and Childe

Warnings: Hints to past abuse, confrontation of abuser, violence, mentions of blood, threats, foul language

It had meant to be like any other menial day of an adventurer: sign in with Katheryne, complete your commissions, sign out with Katheryne with your payments - done and dusted.

But that wasn’t how it went, no, far from it - archons, so damn far from it.

“Thank you once again, (Name)” Katheryne’s smile was kind like usual, holding that familiar feeling of gratitude as she handed over your remission within a marked package, hand returning to the desk’s polished surface once you had taken it graciously, sending her a beaming grin back. “The Guild really appreciates your work ethic when it comes to the Ruin machines, it’s hard to come across adventurers who want to handle them anymore”

You sent her a shrug as you placed away the box “Can’t blame them really, they’re a hard bunch to handle- I was terrified of them when I first started too, but I had my vision to help me out, a lot of these folk only use there pure determination to eradicate them, gotta admire that!”

She laughed along with you politely “Have a good evening, (Name), I’ll see you again tomorrow?”

“Of course you will!” You backpedalled away from the guild reception, throwing the woman a polite double fingered salute as you did “Ad astra abyssoque as they say, my fair lady!”

She parrotted back her usual phrase before disappearing into the building, you walking further down the path of the city for your final activity for that day.

Of course, you didn’t reach that far, after all, it wasn’t that menial day you had expected, that you had wanted. Life was cruel sometimes, so incredibly cruel for no justified reason just for the sake of it all and you wished, archons, you wished you could rewind the clock and stop yourself from bumping into the body, to save yourself from all the repressed trauma bursting forth like a flurry of butterflies, well, more like moths, disgusting, ungodly, monster moths that aimed straight for the face.

“Sorry!” You yelped, too preoccupied with gathering your pocketwatch you had dropped in the stumble to see who it had been, after all, you were on a schedule and you didn’t want to be-

“(Name)?”

...late.

All of a sudden, time didn’t seem to exist, or maybe it was moving way too slowly from that horrid spike of adrenaline that shot into your bloodstream as soon as the voice registered.

You hoped to the Archons that it wasn’t, that it couldn’t, but did the gods hear your prayers?

“Oh Archons, it is you! It’s been such a long time!”

Of course, they did, they just didn’t care to listen. Ignoring the cries of your people were in fashion to them these days.

They stood there with a smile so excited it almost seemed to tear their face in half, with eyes sparkling with recognition after so many years away from them, they opened their arms welcoming you into their embrace like it was something just so normal for the two of you like you would come bounding to them like a lost puppy who had finally found their master.

The fear of your abuser dwarfed in comparison the pure feral rage and loathing to think that they even deserved to be breathing in the same space as you.

People were looking, of course, they were looking, you knew what they were doing, being bright and jovial, bringing others attention towards you both so that whatever scene you caused would be your fault like you were the bad guy. It was old tactics, of course, you wouldn’t dare do anything when you were younger, you’d just push through it, but this wasn’t old times, this wasn’t younger you, scared, smaller you afraid them, this was you now, a warrior, unwavering in battle, a person who smiled in the face of danger, who laughed at the pitiful fights that 2- no- 4 abyss mages brought to you!

To hell what other people thought, you’d stomp their head into the cobblestone if they had so much as poked you.

“Come here and give me a-”

You took a step back, mustering the deadliest face you could, but you wavered, it was only natural, no matter how much you could try to hype yourself up, this person was your first true experience of real-life nightmares, the first person to bring you true pain, no matter how many ruin guards, hunters, millachurls, mages- anything you faced, nothing could prepare you to face your first fear:

The fear of your older sibling.

“If you fucking touch me I’ll stab you-” The growl cracked nearing the end, you were always an angry crier but you were not about to fall back to this- this monster. “In front of all these people, I won’t hesitate”

Their face dropped followed by your stomach, though, the food you had for lunch sure did feel its way up your gullet.

“What’s with your language? We haven’t seen each other in four years and this is how you treat me? Your older sibling?” They laughed in disbelief because onlookers would think they were shocked, I mean, how could you speak to family like that? But they didn’t know, they didn’t know the words they had told you, the insults, the threats, those tight grabs, those beatings- they didn’t know, so they obviously didn’t know that the shock came from the fact that you had stood up to them.

You licked your lips to get rid of the dryness, but the problem you faced was that your mouth had dried out along with them, as did your throat.

Don’t let them turn this on you, don’t let them get the upper hand, you were better than them, so much better.

“You’re not my fucking sibling” You spat, feeling the air vibrate around you, a sudden shine from your cloak hinted you to the cause “You haven’t been for a long time, don’t fucking try that shit with me”

There it was, that familiar enraged spark, that look of hatred on their face, the thing that warned you about what you said had been the right thing to set them off, that they were just as easily triggered by the smallest act of rebellion just like when you were kids.

Of course, they hadn’t changed.

Evil never did.

They took a step forward but you didn’t back off, just hardened your resolve as they leaned in menacingly, as though their stupid little intimidation tactic still worked after all these years.

You told yourself it didn’t but you knew deep down that wasn’t completely true.

“Don’t speak to me like that, (Name)” Facade gone, they showed you what they really were, what they were really like after all, “Don’t you ever speak to me like that, you show me fucking respect”

Respect?

RESPECT!?

Oh Archons, you were angry, no, seething from the thought that they ever deserved respect.

That pathetic piece of shit, that gruelling pleb, mere gum on the bottom of your damn shoe-

You’d kill them, right here, right now.

You felt the familiar materialisation begin to form in your hand when another voice called out, a familiar loving one that nearly made your throat swell from relief.

“(Name)?”

Diluc

He could sense the tension. Of course, he could sense the tension, Diluc had faced this tension so many times before, he was practically the one that owned such a vibe anytime Kaeya even breathed near him for a second longer than necessary.

But being the one to witness it, to see you, the usual awkward, goofy sweetheart stare at another with such overbearing malice made him uneasy, caused his stomach to churn in ways he didn’t like, set him off in a way that was only reserved for the most chilling on moments.

Diluc wondered what exactly this stranger had done to warrant such a reaction from you.

“(Name)?” The redhead called, glancing around the many citizens of Mondstadt that watched the exchange with intrigue, guard and worry, eyes focused on the scene of this foreign stranger and fuming you, hand poised by your side with weapon particles dancing on your palm.

When Diluc finally made it over, his form seemed to curl protectively around you, hand landing on the small of your back delicately while keeping face with the person, eyes narrowed dangerously but still holding an air of civilness.

A true gentleman, even when you were close to merking some rando.

“Is there a problem?”

The stranger straightened immediately, backing up a few steps with their hands up in defence, sending Diluc a charming smile that the man could see through crystal clear.

“No problem, no problem at all” They glanced back at you, seemingly friendly despite his partner’s obvious ill intent that radiated off you in waves “Isn’t that right, (Name)?”

Diluc saw you tense up once again, the buzz from your Vision rising in volume with your obvious anger as you tightened your first, ready to just screw your weapon and go for the throat.

“If that is the case” The noble’s hand softly pressed against your back, gently but coaxing, knowing that conflict in the middle of the town centre would just bring the knights to meddle in affairs that they had no business attending “Then we shall be going”

“There’s no need to leave, after all, my sibling and I were just chatting”

He paused, shouldering a questioning glance your way but at the sight of your unruly expression, he pushed down his enquiries and once again began coaxing you away from the scene. Angel’s Share had already been open for a while, meaning the usual folk would already be settled in, but the storage room was sure to be a good place to chat and to calm you down, all he needed to do was get you away.

“We already had plans” The side glance had the stranger- your sibling, biting their tongue, brows furrowing in a known annoyance as the two of you began your way towards the pub, you still vibrating in anger. “Good day to you”

The two of you had made it a few feet when they called out once again “Don’t worry, (Name), I’ll see you again real soon”

Diluc’s arm tightened around you faster than you could react, tugging you away quickly “Diluc-”

“No, (Name)”

“Stay out-”

“Not here” Sharing a look, he softened at the shine in your eyes. “You’ll just attract the knights' attention”

You didn’t care, no, not one bit. If the knights had dared to interfere at that moment, they too would have been caught up in your blinded revenge, thrown aside or slashed down without single care just to finally eradicate the bane of your existence and you didn’t care about what consequences you brought about, you just didn’t and you made sure to tell Diluc that, as soon as you had the privacy of Angel’s Share’s storeroom, pacing up and down while he stood off to the side against the wall, watching silently.

“You had no right to get in my way!” You snapped, voice shaking from the pure emotions you were releasing “I finally had my chance, I was finally going to do it! They deserve to end by my hand, by my decision, after the years of torture they put me through! They deserved it! And you got in my way! How could you get in my way! I-”

Pushing off the wall, he slowly advanced towards you, carefully, hands out like he was approaching a wounded animal.

“I understand you’re upset-”

“I’m not upset!” You cried at him, stopping mid-step before dropping your head and tightly, grabbing your hair in your hands “I’m not upset! I’m angry! I’m so fucking angry! And I deserve to be fucking angry! I-”

The sob ripped through your throat despite you trying to hold it back, tears finally gathering in your eyes and rapidly falling down your cheeks “You should have let me kill them! I should have had the chance to rid the world of their evil! It’s not fair! It’s not- it’s not fair, I-”

You didn’t bother to fight him when his arms finally wrapped around you, just fell against him as you wept. The pent up rage, fear and sadness from years of repression taking its toll as you cried, your partner whispering sweet words as he raked his hand through your hair gently and leaned his head against yours.

“I’m sorry” His hand held your cheek fondly, ruby red staring back into your own eyes with a softness that made you melt “I didn’t know this meant so much to you, but if you’re willing to tell me, I’ll listen. I’ll always listen”

With another choked sob, you leaned into his hold “Please just hold me for now”

And he did just that.

Kaeya

The captain had promised to meet you at his office, a simple task really but with the lingering presence of Jean and the words ‘There’s so much work that needs to be done’ leaving her lips he bolted, hoping to catch you by the Guild and drag you to Angel Share for your date. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help her, it was just he had already promised you this night and Eula could have always taken his place with paperwork, her threat of “vengeance” as she liked to call it could wait for another day.

It was also due to the fact he had no intentions of filing any paperwork for as long as he could avoid it, but that was his secret to be kept.

Being the perspective man he was, he could tell straight away he had walked into something tense, surveying the surrounding people of Mondstadt who looked on in concern, the unbridled rage upon your face, the obviously intimidating lean that the stranger held over you- something was wrong and he knew he had to put a stop to it.

“(Name)?” You glanced for a single moment before your furious glare had returned to the stranger, another flag waving right in his face as he approached, “My dear? Who might this be?”

Before you could snap, lip curling in disgust, the stranger stood back to their full height, switching quickly with a fake charming smile that practically mirrored his own, holding out their hand towards him “(S/N) (Last), (Name)’s older sibling. it’s nice to meet you”

Kaeya’s smile widened and despite the glare from you that was now focused on him, he shook your sibling's hand in-kind “Kaeya Alberich, (Name)’s partner-”

He made sure to tighten his grip with his last words “And Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius”

Successfully, as he always was, Kaeya held back the smug, mocking grin that itched to climb onto his face when the neck of your sibling bobbed nervously, forehead reflecting the afternoon light as sweat gathered on their brow.

The man hadn’t obviously threatened them, surely, Kaeya was smarter than that, but then again, he could still present himself as a threat, a good one and well, his title was a menacing one when it came to the right moment. ‘Try anything and not only do I have the authority to kick your arse but the power to put you in a place many didn’t dare even step’ shortened into an innocent sentence with only 8 words.

“Cavalry Captain? That’s quite impressive” They laughed off, tugging away their hand awkwardly when Kaeya continued to keep a firm grip, his present eye focused solely on your siblings face. They glanced over to you “Quite an achievement for you, aye (Name)?”

You growled, “I’ll show you an achievement-”

Kaeya’s arm had wrapped around your waist not a second later, tugging you tighter to his side as the two of you turned, the man throwing your sibling a smile over his shoulder.

“As nice as it was to meet you, (S/B), we must be going”

And then without another word Kaeya dragged you away, heading in the direction of your home instead of Angel Share tavern, feeling your pure, unfiltered anger the whole way along with the citizens as they parted ways, rushing off from your rage.

It was only when you had returned to the sanctuary of your abode did you snap, jerking away from your boyfriend with angered strides and beginning your seething lecture towards him, moving up and down through the living room while he ventured off into the kitchen, grabbing 2 glasses and a bottle of wine.

“How dare you Kaeya! How fucking dare you! Do you have any idea what you were doing back there!? What was even happening back there!? So much for being the most observant man in Mondstadt because you seemed pretty dense to me the whole fucking time!” Your hands raked through your hair as you yelled, trying so hard to hold back the tears “I didn’t need your damn help, Kaeya! Nor did I fucking want it! Know to stay out of someone's business when it isn’t wanted!”

Logically you knew what he had done, you were smart like that and you knew Kaeya long enough to know what he was doing but your rage, fear and sadness blocked out everything in that moment, made you blind to reality, made you only think irrationally and Kaeya didn’t blame you for that. He could never blame you for that.

Though, it did hurt him to see you in this state.

“Wine?”

You gawked at him for a moment, staring at him with shock and confusion as he held out a wine glass towards you, another held in his other hand and a sweet smile plastered on his face, before your moment morphed into rage, grabbing the drink from his hand and tossing it towards the wall, the red wine splattering over the wallpaper and glass shards falling to the floor.

“Well, that was a waste-”

“Do you think I’m an idiot, Kaeya!?” You cried, not even bothering to hold back anymore as the tears fell and your voice cracked, hand pointing accusingly in his face “Is this some kind of joke to you!? Huh!? Am I a fool in your eyes!? Some sort of blubbering idiot!? Why must you- why do you-”

The second glass was placed on the dresser by you both, Kaeya’s hand coming to hold your cheek fondly while the other came to grab your hand that dangled in the air, still poised at him “I don’t think you're either of those, my dear, in fact, I think you’re one of the brightest in the whole of Teyvat, nevermind Mondstadt”

You hiccuped “Then why-”

Brushing away the wetness from your cheek, he brought your hand to his mouth to place a fond kiss on your palm “Because you mustn’t cry, (Name), don’t waste your tears on someone like them”

“I’m not crying, I’m-”

He shushed you gently and you finally relaxed, falling into his embrace with a heavy heart “-I’m not, I swear-”

Within the familiarity of your home, you wept in his arms, exhausted from the whirlwind of emotions and the scenes that had transpired that day, ready to just curl into yourself and try to block the flooding memories of history. Although, having Kaeya at that moment helped more than he could ever know, having him to rely on made it all so much easier to cope with that day.

“Tell me what ails you and I’ll listen” Brushing back some hair, he pressed a kiss to your head.

“Can..can we just stay like this for a while?”

“Of course, my dear”

Zhongli

He had sensed the incoming danger like it had been revealed in some sort of premonition. Maybe it had been a skill he had acquired after his long, eventful life, maybe it was his connection to Liyue and his citizens, but for some reason, as he sat before Iron Tongue Tian as the man recalled his tales of ancient Liyue like usual, Zhongli knew that the crowd that was forming around Wamin Restaurant had something that he need urgently attend, especially when even Tian paused his story to glance around the corner of the restaurant building to see the commotion.

When the archon had finally borne witness to the scene, he paused within the crowd, surveying the surroundings carefully. You were the centre of attention, along with another stranger, both glaring at one another with anger and disgust, though your own anger seemed to double compared to the other’s, seeing as your weapon was slowly materialising in your grip. Zhongli could also see Guild Master Lan making her way down the steps leading to the Guild reception, a worried expression on her face glancing between you and the approaching Millelith.

Zhongli made his decision, politely pushing through the crowd until he had finally made it by your side, hand being placed gently on your arm “(Name)?”

Both you and the stranger glanced at him, but he paid no mind to them, only held eye contact with you when Lan appeared by your other side, glaring at the stranger with a hardened gaze.

“Are you harassing my guild member?”

Before the stranger could respond, the Millelith had also popped in, glancing between you and them “Is there a problem?”

Zhongli had taken up your view when Lan began her take, she had borne witness for much longer than he had of course and he was certain that you were in no state to talk to the guards. Your eyes were glazed with hatred, pupils pinpricks in a sea of (E/C) and your hands were shaking, balled into fists.

If anything, he needed to try and calm you down first.

“Get the hell out of my way, Zhongli” Your teeth ground together, words shaking with anger “Don’t push yourself into my business”

“I’m sorry, my love, but I can’t do that” He tried brushing your cheek but you jerked away, glaring at his hand before glaring back at him, in no mood to be coddled “I don’t want you to do something you’d regret”

“Trust me, I won’t regret this one bit”

Zhongli held his tongue for the question that almost rolled out, knowing now wasn’t the time for inquiries when the stranger’s voice rang out, condescending and snarky as they addressed you.

“Still need people to protect you, aye (Name)? Of course, you’re still the same pathetic bitch from years ago”

You were lucky for your reputation around Liyue, for the picture of the kind and caring adventurer that had swept through the town from your years of living here because had it not been for that, you pushing aside your boyfriend and materialising your weapon to aim it at your sibling’s throat would have had you in cuffs that instant.

Lan grabbed you, tugging you away as you screamed “I’ll show you pathetic you fucker! Let me go!”

The Millelith didn’t wait to drag your sibling away, much to their cries of dismay, one sending Lan a nod while you continued to fight against her, crying out in frustration.

“Kid, you have to calm down-”

“Calm down!? No! Get the hell off me!”

Zhongli watched as you finally broke away, huffing and puffing up a storm before glancing amongst the crowd, staring at their worried and concerned faces, your own eyes tearing up before you looked away pushing past the crowd to find somewhere to be alone.

When Lan went to call out for you, Zhongli raised his hand, the two sharing a look before the archon made his way after you, his longer legs keeping a steady pace to which he could catch up to you, just beyond the bridge that led into Liyue Harbour. There were no people where you stood, just the lush green plants and great mountains of nature, a perfect place for you to let out your frustration without the prying eyes of the citizens.

“(Name)-”

“Leave me alone!” You cried, curling into yourself with your back turned to him “I don’t want you here, Zhongli! Nor did I want you back there! I didn’t need your or anyone else's help!”

You knew he was here from a place of concern, and deep down you begged that your words didn’t harm him in any way, but currently, you didn’t care, you didn’t want to care, you just wanted to be numb, numb to the flashbacks of your horrid past and numb to the feelings that were dragged along with them.

“My love, please, return with me to our home, I will brew some calming tea-”

“Tea? Tea!? Does it look like I want any fucking tea?! I couldn’t care any less about some fucking tea, Zhongli!” Spinning around on your heels, you scowled at him, not bothering to hide your rushing tears “Don’t you get it!? I want to be left alone, I-”

Two gloved hands gently encased your face, your angered expression morphing into one of shock as your partner stared down at you with glowing eyes filled with a deep-rooted love, affection, worry and so much more that you couldn’t put into mere mortal words. At that moment, everything felt as if it had melted away, only you and him were in this world, nothing else, just the two of you.

And you felt as though your heart had been lifted from the pressures of this life.

“I do not think it is best for you to be left alone” His baritone voice was always so calming, so serene and in your sane moment, you finally felt its effects “I wish to stay with you, so please, let me stay”

With a whimper, you grabbed onto his forearms and leaned your face into his hands, tears continuing to fall as your eyes fluttered shut “Okay…”

“They have hurt you deeply, haven’t they?”

Hesitantly, you nodded.

“Would you be so kind as to tell me the details?”

“I-...” Sharing eye contact once again, you whispered “Can- can you just...hold me for now? Please”

Moving his hands from your face, he engulfed you in his arms, leaning his head against yours “Of course”

Childe

The Harbinger had just left the Northland Bank, hell, he was just about to make his way down the spiral staircase but when hearing the commotion, he paused, something in his gut telling him to check just before and he was glad he did.

Glancing over the elevated walkway, he felt a fiery pit roar in the depths of his stomach, eyes narrowing dangerously at the scene; you were snarling in some other person’s face, their own face nothing short of disgust and a crowd that only seemed to grow by the minute.

Who the hell did this person think they were? Did they even know who you were? To stand so close to you, with a look of threat on their face like you weren’t about to kick their arse? Like he wasn’t about to kick their arse? How did this insignificant speck of dross not know your connections with him, the 11th Harbinger? Or did he know and was just trying his luck?

“Seems like someone has a death wish” And a death wish they had indeed.

Ignoring the perplexed glance from his subordinate stationed outside the building's entrance, Childe made his way down the steps, murderous look stitched on the whole way to the circle of civilians, the mass parting ways for the man that was Tartaglia and continuing to watch the moment in silence.

“Who the hell are you-” You both turned towards him, you in shock while the stranger stared in confusion until Childe’s hand wrapped around their collar, tugging them closer to look down at them with a deep-rooted disgust “-And why the hell are you harassing my partner?”

They fought against him, obviously, they did, but the surprise came when you saddled up next to him, grabbing his arm “Stay out of this, Tartaglia”

What? It hadn't been your request, no, you were always one to finish your whole fights you weren't "A damsel in distress after all!" no, you were so much more, so much greater but that look on your face, murderous and downright cruel- he just couldn't believe his ears.

Childe stared at you in shock while the stranger struggled, throwing him a dirty look in their attempts “Yeah, this is between my sibling and I”

Childe straightened in surprise, feeling embarrassment flood his system. Had he seriously just grabbed and threatened his lover’s family member? Oh, Archons, his judgement had been clouded by anger at the look of the scene, I mean, why would your sibling look at you that way-

“But it’s really no surprise that you still need to be babied, (Name), how shameful”

His eyes widened but not a moment later had you tackled your sibling, the crowd crying out in alarm as you threw back your fist and crushed their nose under the weight of your punch. “I’ll show you fucking shameful, bastard!”

There was shouting and a glance showed the oncoming Millelith marching towards the circle.

Being Fatui always did garner the attention of the guards nowadays, especially for him, who had tried to lure out the attention of their Archon by summoning an ancient god that nearly drowned the entirety of the harbour, so it was no surprise that they seemed to hurry in the pursuit when they noticed his appearance at the scene. However, lucky for him, your reputation as a great adventurer preceded you and throughout Liyue you were seen as a trusted and well-liked individual, meaning whatever trouble you got in, containing his meddling or not, was usually waved away due to the trust of the people.

So, without another thought, Childe tugged you off of your bloodied sibling and held you close, even as you thrashed violently, shouting at him to let you go.

“What is going on here?” A guard called, slamming the hilt of his polearm into the ground as he surveyed the area, eyes landing on the sibling before following the small trail of blood to you, still fighting against your boyfriend with threats falling from your lips “Was there a reason for this brawl? Who started it?”

As your sibling raised themselves on their forearms, they scowled and opened their mouth to respond, only for Childe to put in. “It was them, sir, they were the one that started it, (Name) was merely acting in self-defence”

The Millelith scowled at him, raising a brow and once again looking you over “Is that so?”

He addressed the crowd soon after “Is this what happened?”

And as expected, they all glanced over the sibling, then to you and piped up in agreement. It paid to be a hero, it seemed, the whole harbour returning the favour of years of helping out the community.

“If that’s the case, please come with us” The sibling cried out, anger and fear laced into their voice, trying to argue for their innocence only for the guards to grab them, hauling them away to archons know where while Childe did the same with you, slowly dragging you away from the scene and back into the bank, you screaming and cursing the whole way until you had made it to his office, finally managing to push him off and storming to the opposite side of the room practically seething.

“Who the hell do you think you are, Tartaglia!?” You cried, throwing out your arms in exaggeration “I didn’t need your fucking help! And why the fuck would you pull me off them!? I had them right where I wanted them and you fucking did that! Are you a moron!?”

“You had a sibling” He breathed, watching as you began to pace, muttering in an angered state “And you didn’t tell me”

“-after all these years I finally had the chance to end their pathetic excuse of a life and you just got in my fucking way! I’d waited too long for this moment and you fucking ruined it! How dare you, how fucking dare you-”

“(Name), why didn’t you tell me you had a sibling!?” He cried, walking up to you and grabbing your wrist to stop you “I was ready to kill them right there! And why are you talking about them like this!? They’re your family aren’t they-”

“They are not my fucking family!”

The scream echoed through the room, chilling Childe to the core as you ripped your arm from his grasp, running your hands through your hair before gripping it so tightly it felt close to being ripped from your head. But you didn’t care, no, you couldn’t, you were so angry and you needed something to keep you grounded, to keep yourself from losing yourself and getting lost in those haunting past memories.

The Harbinger felt his chest squeeze painfully as the tears fell down your face, red rimming your eyes and cheeks wet as you sobbed, chest heaving from trying to breathe “Family takes care of you! Family thinks of you in the highest light possible! They love you for who you are and they love you no matter what! That bastard hurt me, made me feel worthless and they refuse to believe they could do no wrong and I hate them! They are the bane of my existence! They are not my fucking family! I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, I-”

Arms were around you instantly, Childe’s face pressed into your hair as you wept, grasping onto the lapels of his suit and shoving your face into his chest to muffle your cries.

“I’m sorry” He whispered, his own eyes shining slightly “I’m sorry, I was being insensitive. Please, don’t cry”

“No, I’m not crying, I promised myself I wouldn’t-” You hiccuped “I wouldn’t waste any more tears on them-”

Then you broke off into more wails, your boyfriend holding you close and letting you continue to cry in his arms, warm and comforting until you were finally reduced to whimpers, leaning into him heavily as the remaining adrenaline in your body began to wear thin when he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Will...will you tell me about it?”

You sniffed “Later...just hold me for now, please, Ajax...”

His arms tightened protectively “Anything for you, my love”

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact imagine #genshin impact diluc #genshin impact diluc x reader #diluc x reader #genshin impact kaeya #genshin impact kaeya x reader #kaeya x reader #genshin impact zhongli #genshin impact zhongli x reader #zhongli x reader #genshin impact childe #genshin impact childe x reader #childe x reader #genshin impact tartaglia #genshin impact tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x reader

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xpeachesncream · 3 years

Text

it takes two | one shot (myg)

summary: min yoongi was the one who came to understand you and took you for you. but, when boundaries start getting crossed and priorities begin to change, you start to question if your relationship with your bestfriend is strong enough to make it through.

pairing: athlete!reader x athlete!myg

genre: bestfriends to lovers au, basketball au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 12.3k

warnings: cussing, mature language/implied sexual content, protected AND unprotected sex (later on), slight breast play, oral (f. receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms, missionary, riding/straddling, mentions of alcohol consumption, dancing, mention of marijuana, sex on the beach kinda?, some heavy angst, insecurities, crying, injuries (like a cut/ankle sprain), yoongi is just kind of an idiot at one point

note: heavily inspired by the movie love and basketball. unedited for the most part, pls excuse any spelling/grammar errors.

tags: @ggukkieland @miinoongi @bluesharksandfish @unicornbabylover

⏏︎ now playing: triggered - jhené aiko ; sorry enough - chris brown

First Quarter: 6th Grade

You didn't really have a lot of friends in elementary school. Any, actually. Hell, the girls in your class purposely ignored you because you acted different. Dressed different. Enjoyed the shit boys liked, like playing ball and video games. You couldn't relate to their gel pens, Lisa Frank folders, cute binder stickers and bracelet charms. None of that shit was you. But you didn't care, you were fine by yourself. Nobody to please, nobody to care for.

The only person that came to understand you was Min Yoongi and that's because you played basketball with him and his friends during daycare. At first, it came as a surprise because truthfully, you felt like Yoongi only let you play because he felt bad for you. Which, okay, whatever— so be it. But, after the last round during a game of two versus two, you found yourself on the ground, huge gash on the knee from chasing after the ball before it could go out of bounds.

"Ouch! Crap!" You groaned as you sat up and checked out your knee. Yoongi walks towards you and crouches down, examining the bloody gash.

"Come on." He says, holding out a hand to help lift you up. He swings your arm over his shoulder, already knowing that any sudden movements to your knee can make the wound sting. He takes his time and walks with you as you hop on one leg towards the office, not really saying much. Yoongi wasn't the most talkative in class. He hung out with two or three other boys in your class on the daily, but they were quiet. Weren't much troublemakers, didn't cause ruckus like the other boys did. But, he was still popular among the girls because he was a little cutiepie. You remember walking into the bathroom, hearing Angie and her friends tease her about her crush on Yoongi. Then, the following week, one of her friends also ended up crushing on Yoongi and they bickered [weirdly] in the bathroom about it.

Getting to the office, he sits you down on the bench before approaching the office admin to grab some bandaids and ice for you.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Min?" Mrs. Yao comes over to greet him.

"Y/N's hurt. Can I get a bag of ice and a bandaid for her, please?" Mrs. Yao looks over her shoulder and does a head tilt before sighing. She knew you weren't like the girls in your class, always getting hurt one way or another, being more hardheaded and stubborn than the usual. She grabs a bag of ice and hands the supplies over to Yoongi before placing her hands on her hips.

"You think you can take care of Miss Y/N, or do you need me to help?" He shakes his head.

"I got it, thank you Mrs. Yao." He politely says, giving her a small toothless smile. You silently watch as he walks over, crouching down once again to tend to your wounds. "I don't think this will hurt, but stay still so I can put this bandaid on." He says softly as he spreads the small Neosporin packet across your wound. He wipes his finger down on his pants before removing the back of the bandaid and pressing it against your knee. "There. You should keep the ice on it so it doesn't bruise and stuff." He stands.

"Thank you." He nods as he watches you stand and slightly limp before you adjust your steps to the right pressure. He follows you out, coming back to your side with his hands in his pockets.

"Why don't you act like the other girls?" He asks, cocking an eyebrow at you.

"What? Not liking all the girly stuff that they like?"

"Sure, or you playing basketball. You know girls are usually like cheerleaders and cheer the guys on instead."

"Well, I don't wanna be a cheerleader. I just would rather play. What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing, it's just weird to see."

"You're weird." You snapped back.

"How am I weird?"

"You shoot weird."

"And you don't? I shoot better than you." He furrows his brows.

"No you don't."

"Fine, wanna play one more time? Unless you're a wuss and can't play cause of your knee." You rolled your eyes at the sudden change of events.

"I'll play you, I'm not a wuss. Unless you're afraid to lose to a girl." You taunt him as you both walk back to the court.

"Whatever, I'm not afraid cause I won't lose." He grabs the ball and checks it in. "My ball first."

"Sure, if you think that'll help."

And that's how Yoongi lost to you, busted knee and everything. From there, it was history. You became inseparable, Yoongi becoming a large part of your days and vice versa. His parents eventually became close to yours after the numerous times you both have been dropped off to hang out, or catching rides home after school. Yoongi lived in a nearby neighborhood, only being a good 7 minute walk, to be exact.

Second Quarter: High School, Senior Year

In high school, it became a little different. Yoongi grew up, played varsity basketball and became a fucking jock even though he claimed he would never. Yeah, bullshit. You too, played on the girls varsity basketball team, and surprisingly, you two kept each other close. It was a blessing and a curse though, because you couldn't see your life without Yoongi. He's been there since the 6th grade. However, girls took note of that shit. Trying to use you as their way in to Yoongi's heart, or pants, or both. You made it very clear though that you weren't interested in being a fucking messenger. Girls thought you were mean, but really, they just couldn't handle you. Hence, why you really couldn't relate and be one of them.

Yoongi was still the only person who could understand you and handle you, bad attitude and all. Tomboy habits and all. Not wanting to make friends and all.

"Jesus fucking christ, the day just started." Yoongi says as he watches you toss your duffle bag and backpack aggressively in the back seat of his car. "What's your deal?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired." You slump in his passenger seat after buckling your seat belt.

"Chill, don't start your day like this."

"Whatever, dad." You rolled your eyes, causing him to let out a pathetic chuckle.

"Are you coming to my game later?"

"Yeah, if I'm not too tired from practice."

"Y/N, I always make it to your games even if I'm tired."

"Do you?"

"The fuck? Yes I do. When haven't I?" His tone raises with yours. "Don't try and justify your shit by coming up with lies."

"Yeah, yeah bighead. You'll have plenty of cheerleaders there for you."

"Yeah and?" He smirks. "You're the one I'll be looking for though." He caresses your chin, making you smack his hand away while he laughs loudly.

"You're stupid." You groan as you sink lower in his seat. The rest of the ride to school, you shut your eyes and enjoy the peace before you're having to walk down those annoying, congested hallways.

People rave a lot about senior year, but it honestly hasn't felt special to you. Maybe because you kept the same routine since freshmen year, or maybe you really just didn't care as much as everyone else did about how "special" it was. You've always been locked in to basketball even if your mom wasn't a big fan of it. She wished you were more into cute, girly shit, like makeup, shopping, manis and pedis and dresses and heels, but she came to accept this was the way it was going to be. Especially because your dad was your biggest fan. You came to love basketball, more than just a side hobby. You joined the varsity team and practiced day in and day out. When basketball wasn't in season, you'd play with Yoongi at the park or sign up for camps and tournaments. You just wanted to keep bettering yourself so that you could play in college and get into the league post-grad. Yoongi was the same, and he may or may not have influenced your passion for ball. Either way, he was always supporting you and cheering for you even if the other females hated it.

His ex for sure hated the relationship you had with him even though you really steered clear when she was around. Wasn't your fucking problem or responsibility to take care of her insecurities. Same with his flings.

"Hey, so later, yeah?" He asks in between throwing nods and smiles to girls passing by.

"Mhm." You hum. "You gonna be free for lunch later?"

"I don't know. I know where to find you though if I am."

"Have a good day, punk."

"You too, bub. See you in English." He turns on his heel, walking towards his friends, aka his team members. Aka his jock ass group. Aka the ones females flock to.

Namjoon, Jimin, Eunwoo, Lucas.

They were all pretty boys who knew they were pretty boys and used that to their advantage to make big asshole moves. You hated that Yoonks got pulled in from time to time, but shit, it wasn't your life, you were only a small part of his. Sometimes, they also pulled in the football boys, Jungkook and Seokjin. Even the baseball boys, Hoseok and Taehyung. It was all a huge pretty boy, jock, asshole group in the making outside. A big fucking party for a lot of the girls at school, though.

So even if Yoongi was really the only one in your life, you weren't the only one in his. It is, what it is. As long as he doesn't go switching up on you, then whatever, so be it.

The first half of your classes go by quick, being that you enjoyed your chemistry, french and english classes. You had your english class with Yoongi, Namjoon and Hoseok. You had gotten to know Namjoon and Hoseok a little through it, and it was enough to know that they weren't all that bad. At least in this classroom setting.

"You two going to prom together?" Namjoon asks, making Yoongi snort.

"No, what the hell?" Yoongi responds.

"You guys can have fun at prom." You roll your eyes.

"You're really not gonna go?" Joon bites on the end of his pencil.

"No? The fuck I look like?"

"Y/N, I know it'd be weird as fuck to see you in a dress, but it's senior year. You didn't go last year, did you?" Namjoon asks from Yoongi's other side.

"Really, Namjoon?" You give him a look as if it could state the obvious.

"Well shit, I don't know. I know it's not your thing but can't really say I would have noticed either way." Hoseok laughs, causing you to throw your pen at his head before flicking him off.

"Miss Y/N!" Mrs. Maxwell calls you out mid-movie, eyes wide and in disbelief at how you're acting.

"What?! He started it." You slumped back in your seat and let out a sigh.

"Not another word." She says sternly.

"Not another word." You mock her under your breath.

"Aye, stop. You and that attitude boutta get in some trouble the last weeks of senior year." Yoongi puts his hand on your wrist, causing you to shake your head and click your teeth.

"Anyway, you should go." Hoseok whispers as he leans over on the table to look at you.

"No. Besides, with what date?"

"Take the basketball." Joon snickers.

"You're a complete dumbass, Namjoon. Stop talking." You snap.

"Maybe they're right, bub. It's senior year and it's coming to an end quick. I'd hate for you to regret it." Yoongi turns to you and says lowly.

"You know that won't happen." But really, part of you did feel a little bad. You knew it wasn't your scene, and you really didn't care what people thought of you when it came down to it. However, you always wondered what it would be like if someone liked you. If someone wanted you. Crushed on you so hard that they couldn't keep their hands off of you, couldn't stop thinking of you. Your first love. To feel pleasure, pain. Mixture of emotions simply by being in love. You wondered what it would be like to lose your virginity and have good, good sex. Besides, you were a human with needs. But the only person you have ever been close to was Yoongi. For the most part, you didn't see him that way because you knew he definitely didn't. But, you also couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to take your relationship to that point. If it was anyone, he would be the one you'd have feelings for. He would be your first kiss, your first everything. Because Yoongi was comfort and security for you.

But you valued your friendship more than anything.

"Just saying, think about it." He follows up.

"Think about getting an expensive dress and painful ass heals to wear for one night, just to dance around in 'em and take one professional pic with a date? Maybe get railed if I'm lucky?" You playfully wiggle your eyebrows making Yoongi shake his head.

"Don't be such a party pooper for once."

"Mmm. Great reasoning. Really convincing me here." You laugh it off even though in all honesty, you were thinking about it.

The bell rings and thank god it's finally lunch because you were fucking starving. Appetite and attitude on na-na, no doubt. You silently part ways with Yoongi to stop by your locker and grab your lunch. You make your way to the rowdy ass cafeteria, quickly scanning the room to catch a sight of Yoongi. You see him sitting on top of one of the lunch tables with Hoseok, Namjoon, Jimin and Taehyung sitting around him. Clearly, Yoongi wasn't free today.

"Wassup baby? Wanna trade that ball in for me?" Jimin says as you pass by their table to make your way outside to the bleachers. You flick him off before rolling your eyes and pretending to gag.

"Fuck off, Park." The group laughs except for Yoongi.

"Wonder if she's got that bad attitude in bed, too." Yoongi doesn't hesitate to smack Jimin upside the head because yeah, no matter what, he was gonna protect you as much as possible. "Owwww, I'm just kidding Yoongi."

"Don't let me hear you say that shit around me ever again."

"Fuck, I'm sorry. It was just a joke." Jimin winces as he rubs the back of his head.

"Damn Min Yoonks, why don't you take her ass to prom if it's like that?" Taehyung says, chewed up food coming into full view as he smacks loudly.

"Why don't you learn how to close your mouth first?" Yoongi spits back.

"Y/N is really rubbing off on you."

"It's manners, idiot. You should've been learned that." Namjoon says, laughing.

"But foreel, why won't you take her? You both are close, you've never seen her that way?" Hoseok asks making Yoongi shake his head in response.

"She's my bestfriend. I value her just the way she is, no more no less."

"Ah, you must have thought about it at least once." Yoongi keeps silent. Luckily, the group easily gets distracted and starts paying attention to Seokjin and Jungkook coming over as they talk about the dates they've scored for prom.

Yoongi has thought about it. Still does. Just like he is for you, you're the only one who understands him and takes him for who he is. You know the real him besides basketball player Yoongi. You're the only one who keeps it real. But he would rather keep it this way than ruin things between you and him. He'd hate to fuck up with you because he knows he can fuck up, there's no hiding from it. He'd never forgive himself if he lost you.

Practice is hell today for you and fuck, you really wanna just go home and lay down for the rest of the evening. Coach had you all running suicides and conditioning drills on the courts outside and pulling scrimmages against each other left and right. Let's not forget how coach is always on your ass right before a game too. Hell, she catches an attitude way worse than you before game time and after a loss. You wanted to avoid that at all costs. But, to avoid taking the bus home and instead hitching a ride with Yoongi, you throw on a hoodie and haul your ass to the gym in some nike slippers. You take a seat on a free end at one of the bleachers, holding Spalding in between your legs with your duffle next to you on the floor. The game is off to a start in about 5 minutes, Yoongi catches sight of you on the bleachers and nods. You give him a small smile as a gesture of good luck, which he reciprocates.

The game starts off intensely, both teams scoring closely even with the boys putting straight pressure. Towards the end of the first half, Yoongi and Eunwoo are the leading scorers, putting their team up by 10. Halftime is a bunch of hoo-haa, with cheerleaders in their itty bitty skirts, trying to shake their asses as they cheer for the boys. The boys don't even hide the fact that their ogling, and it's clear as day they all want some pussy. Quite frankly, they walk around thinking they deserve it cause of how hard they try to pull some wins and put the school on the map. Student government comes up for a bit too, pulling some kind of skit to weirdly promote prom. It makes you cringe and in all honesty, it makes you not wanna go even more, but it is your senior year. If you can snag a date, then maybe.

"Hey." Terra [not a cheerleader but still a pretty, popular chick] plops next to you with a smirk on her face. Immediately, you want no part in it because you already know what she's trying to do.

"Hi?"

"I'm just gonna cut straight to it. Do you know if Yoongi is seeing anyone?"

"How the hell would I know, Terra?" You furrow your brows at her.

"Because you're close to him, aren't you?"

"And? Doesn't mean I'm telling people his business. Besides, he's not obligated to tell me everything just cause we're close." She rolls her eyes.

"Whatever. Look, can you do me a favor and give this to him?" She tries handing you a little ass piece of paper folded neatly with a pink heart decorated on the front.

"Why don't you give it to him yourself?"

"That's no fun." You scoff and roll your eyes. Really, miss girl? "Be a doll for once, yeah?" She winks and slips the note in between your wrist and Spalding so it stays put. You take the note and eye it, letting out a deep sigh as you shove it into your pocket. You weren't in the mood to be extra rude today so you'll give it to him later when he drives you home.

The game finally finishes with Yoongi making a final three, the boys keeping their lead up by 10. Everyone cheers and showers the boys with love after the team has finished shaking hands and high-fiving their opponents. You stick around until the crowd dies down, watching Yoongi flirt with Terra as you swing your duffle bag strap onto your shoulder before slowly heading down the bleachers.

"Hey bighead, good game today." You lightly punch him against the chest.

"I knew you'd come."

"Shut up. I'll be at your car."

"For what?"

"Cause you're taking me home, punk."

"No please?"

"Please." He shakes his head and chuckles before you part ways to let him gather his things in the locker room. When you finally catch sight of his teeny head coming towards you from the gym, you hear him unlock his car to let you in while he continues to walk over.

"Fuuuuuck." He says, throwing his things in the back before buckling his seat belt and switching the gear into drive.

"You have fan mail." Yoongi looks over and sees you clutching the note Terra gave you.

"What's that, a condom?"

"You're sick. It's from Terra."

"Who's that again?" You make a face at him.

"You were just telling her sweet nothings earlier after the game?"

"Oh, Terra with the tig o' bitties. Got it." He shakes his head. "I wasn't telling her sweet nothings."

"Right. You're an absolute dipshit, you know?" You prop up a leg on the seat while you unfold the letter.

"Give it!" You move it away from his grasp and begin to read it out loud.

"Yoongi, you're honestly so hot. If you don't have a date for prom, I just want you to know that I'm free, and I promise I'll give you a good time if you take me." You cackle. "Boy, what the fuck is this? Ew."

"Shut up." He blushes before laughing along with you.

"Look at her, writing her coochie out on paper."

"She isn't."

"Oh, really? Pfft." You softly scoff. "So, are you taking her or what?"

"I don't know? Maybe, damn. What about you?"

"What about me, fool? I told you I'd think about it."

"Go with Jimin. He still doesn't have a date." He hates to say it with how much of an asshole Jimin can be, but if it meant you'd be at your senior prom then Yoongi will let it pass. He'll make sure Jimin doesn't try any slick shit.

"Ew, god no."

"Look, I'll make sure he doesn't go overboard. I promise."

"Why do you want me there so badly, Yoongi?"

"Because it's our last year in high school together and I'd really like to celebrate with you somehow." You sigh heavily.

"Fair enough. Let me sit on it."

"Better hurry and stop keeping that seat warm."

"Don't rush me." You punch his arm, causing a groan to erupt from him.

- - -

Really, you'd rather be anywhere than at prom with Park Jimin holding onto your waist the way he is for the pictures you're taking with him, Yoongi and the rest of their group and dates. After all the pictures and fake smiles, you feel him slowly slip his hand down your dress to try and get a grip on your ass, but before you could do so, you're grabbing his wrist with full pressure and making him wince.

"Don't you fucking dare or else I'll cut your dick off and throw it in a blender."

"Aish, ah, fuck! Okay, I'm kidding, let me go!" He whines lowly. You let go of his wrist after one more good squeeze, causing him to wiggle his hand to get the feeling back.

"Get me some punch, will you? My mouth is dry."

"You know, I might know something else that can help." Jimin wiggles his eyebrows as he continues to hold onto his wrist.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me."

"Or not. I'll be back." He accepts defeat by smiling from ear to ear before walking off. You sit off to the side, the heels a huge pain in the ass on top of Jimin already being a huge pain in the ass. You lean over on your knees, completely forgetting you have a short dress on, causing boys passing by to whistle and eye at the easy access.

"The fuck are you looking at? Keep it moving." Yoongi says pushing the guys forward before shooting you a look. "Y/N, really?"

"Shit sorry, I forgot. I'm not used to this." You sit up and adjust your dress before rubbing your arms at how self-conscious you suddenly [and unexpectedly] feel.

"Are you having fun at least?" He sits next to you, manspreading on the seat in the navy suit he has on.

"Mmm, sure." You slightly smile at him. "What about you? You actually took Terra, huh?"

"Yeah, it's pretty fun." He chuckles. "Don't lie, I saw you dancing a bit earlier."

"That's when the alcohol hadn't worn off yet." You snort, remembering Seokjin's older brother giving the group alcohol after all the parents were done taking their pictures of you all. Yoongi laughs along with you before he looks over and simply stares at you, hair all done, makeup done perfectly without it being too much. You in a dress.

"You look beautiful tonight, bub."

"You don't look too bad yourself, bubby." You blush before Jimin interrupts the moment with your cup of punch.

"Here, princess."

"You better not be trying anything slick, punkass." Yoongi says.

"Mm, don't worry. I haven't been able to." You kick his shin as you chug your punch, causing him to cough and choke on his own words. "I'd like to peacefully have this slow dance with you at least, damn." You swallow the last bits of punch before you're taking Jimin's hand to the floor. Yoongi watches as you two make your way to the dance floor for a slow dance, slightly regretting that he didn't just ask you to dance.

"Let's dance, babe." Terra's baby voice comes out as she pulls him up from the seat to find a spot on the dance floor. Yoongi is honestly tired of having to keep up with Terra's energy and her clingy ass, but nonetheless, he was happy you were around for prom.

He was really happy you were around for prom, even though you hated this shit more than anything.

He had you in full view ahead, and so did you. He couldn't help but direct his attention towards you and keep his eyes on you. Fuck, he has never seen anyone so beautiful until you walked through Seokjin's doors with Jimin. Look, let's get this straight. Even though you had your own way of expressing yourself, he always loved your natural beauty, your natural glow. He loved watching you on the court and how happy it made you to play ball. He remembers every accomplishment, every milestone you've reached. How you've grown tremendously as a ball player. He would never admit it to you in person, but he definitely admires how you push yourself and how you always do what you can to improve. Hell, you might just be the better player between the both of you. And when you catch him looking over, he doesn't even try and hide it. He doesn't even care that he's still holding onto Terra and slow dancing with her.

Something within you flips. You feel that shit in the pit of your stomach, at the heat of your core.

But, you brush it off and break eye contact first, even if he doesn't stop staring. This couldn't happen, no. This was your bestfriend. You weren't gonna let the things you felt get in the way of that.

Nope.

Suddenly, the song changes to something more upbeat and twerkable, Jimin taking the opportunity to spin you around and grind on you. You really need a distraction anyway, something to rid you of those god awful thoughts about your bestfriend, so you let him and you have fun with it. Everyone around you is having fun anyway, and fuck, you wouldn't have to do this ever again so fuck it.

"Let me get a dance with my bestfriend." Yoongi says to Jimin.

"Go dance with your date!"

"Shut up and switch for a second!" Yoongi says, pushing him off of you so he could get behind and dance with you.

"Yoonks, what the hell?" You laugh.

"Go with it, bub. It's fucking senior year, we're graduating soon." You go with his movements, having the time of your life with everyone around you as prom quickly comes to a close.

When you get into Jimin's car, you knock off your heels as he continues to talk nonstop about the night. Jimin was a cutie but god, you could not stand his mindset for the life of you. You were grateful he had agreed to take you to prom, but damn. Prom was done and all you wanted was some peace and quiet.

"I hope you had fun with me tonight." You give him a toothless smile before slipping your heels back on.

"I did, thank you for taking me. Really." He smiles from ear to ear before leaning over near your seat.

"Can I get just one good smooch for the night?" You look at him before you smirk and lean over near his lips.

"Sure." You whisper.

"Oh fuck, this is actually happening."

"Close your eyes, I know you don't fucking kiss with your eyes open. What are you doing?"

"Right. Sorry." He closes his eyes and puckers his lips. You lean in a little closer, feeling his breath against your lips.

Then you flick his nose.

"Ouch!"

"Peace out, Park." You throw open his door to step out and shut it behind you to quietly walk into your house.

The lights are off and your parents are already tucked into the room for the night, leaving you a note on the fridge reminding you to make sure all the doors are locked before retreating to your room. You do as you're reminded before quietly shutting your door and tossing your heels to the side. You let the pins down from your hair, ruffling it around a bit and relieving any pressure on your head. Before turning away from your dresser, you notice a letter from the one university you had been waiting on. You had been waiting to hear back from Stanford for the longest time, and quite frankly, you had been upset you hadn't heard especially when their scouts were at your game awhile ago.

You had broken down to your parents, to Yoongi, automatically assuming the worst when you heard that other people had already been accepted and scouted for Stanford. Suddenly, you found yourself working harder and harder because you felt like you were lacking in so many areas. You felt low, and like your dream was running miles and miles away from you. Faster than you could keep up.

You take the letter in your hand, but don't want to open it because you don't feel ballsy enough [surprisingly]. You call up Yoongi, not caring that he could possibly be in the middle of getting his dick wet.

"Sup?"

"Are you busy?"

"I was just about to walk into my house."

"Oh, nevermind."

"Need me to come by?"

"I got a letter from Stanford."

"Shit, I'll be there in 2 mins."

And in 2 minutes, he surely was knocking at your window. You slide it up enough for him to climb in, Yoongi still in his prom get-up as well.

"Here." You instantly hand him the letter.

"What, why me? It should be you."

"I can't, I really can't." He sighs.

"Are you sure you won't regret this?"

"No, bub. Please." You sit on the bed and fiddle with your fingers as you watch him rip the envelope open and tear out the letter. You can't even keep your eyes on him as he reads the letter and starts backing away from you.

"Shit."

"What? What?!" You stand, trying your best to keep your tone low. He covers his mouth, causing you to pinch his bicep at how dramatic he was being. "Just say it!"

"You're not going." Your heart sinks, but before you could process it, Yoongi speaks up again. "To any other college because Stanford wants you."

"I'm going to fucking kill you!" You whisper and shove him.

"Congrats, bubby. Guess we'll be together in college too." Your eyes widen.

"Y-you're going? T-to Stanford?" He smiles and nods.

"Yeah, I am."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Look, I just wanted to give you your space. That's all. I found out before you went all cry baby on me."

"Shut up." You say before laughing and jumping into his arms, throwing your legs around his torso while he swings you around. As he sets you back down onto your bedroom floor, your hands linger around his neck, gently tugging on the hair that rested there. He keeps you close, his hands resting around your waist as your chests are still touching. You honestly have no idea what takes over you— perhaps all the feelings you felt tonight at prom taking over, or feeling overjoyed from finally hearing back from Stanford, you couldn't decide. But you crash your lips against his, immediately pulling back after you realized you've just kissed your bestfriend.

You just had your first fucking kiss through accidental causes.

Well, shit.

Was it accidental or no?

Mind is going off on a tangent.

"Woah. I'm so sorry, Yoonks, I—" He doesn't allow for any space between you two, keeping your body flush against his as his lips crash onto yours again to cut you off. To be quite honest, things are moving fast and the kiss deepens quick. You follow his motions, gaining some rhythm as your tongue dances along with his in the [now] wet, sloppy kiss.

"Wait, Y/N." He pulls away as the moment intensifies. "A-are you sure you wanna keep going? To be honest, I don't know if I'll be able to hold myself back and I know you haven't exactly—" He knows it would be your first time and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. I mean, sure, he loved you. You were special to him. But he wanted to make sure your first time was also special, whether it be him or whoever else.

"Please. I want this. I wanna do this with you."

By the looks of tonight, it seems like it's meant to be him.

You press your lips back onto his with the same intensity and start to unbutton his shirt when you feel his hands hike up your dress. He gently pushes you on the bed, crawling over to you as he kicks off his shoes and finishes ripping off his shirt and tie. He slowly removes the straps of your dress down your shoulders and undoes the zipper on the side before slipping it down and leave you in your panties.

You had no bra on.

Yoongi's eyes widen when he realizes such, your cheeks heating up while you watch him stare down your body. You begin to feel incredibly self-conscious so you cover your chest with an arm. Yoongi senses your uneasiness, your confidence shooting down below zero.

"You're beautiful, bub. Don't." He says, gently tugging your arm away and letting it fall limply to the side. You simply nod and let him take the reigns because you had no idea what the fuck you were doing. So many emotions were flooding your mind— you were nervous, you were scared, you were shy, you felt lost and too innocent under Yoongi, even if he knew you like the back of his hand.

And because of that, he could pick up on it with the way your body continued to tense up. He shook off his pants, leaving on his boxers until you were ready for him. Cause fuck, he was ready for you, but he had to take this slow. He had to take care of you.

He lowers himself onto you after the two of you have climbed under the sheets, lowering his head against your neck to press light, feathery kisses along the surface. You felt the tingles shoot down your spine every time his lips made contact, causing you to softly gasp and arch your back at how sensitive you were already feeling.

"If you ever feel uncomfortable, just tell me to stop okay?" He says lowly. You nod in response, Yoongi taking it as leverage to plant a kiss on your lips before moving down to your breasts. He keeps his eyes on you, making sure you don't seem uncomfortable in the slightest bit. But you don't, and it's indicated in the way you bite your bottom lip and arch your back at the way his tongue wraps around your hardened bud. He does the same on the other breast before peppering kisses down your stomach and abdomen.

"Yoongi." You slightly gasp, shy at how unusually close he is to your lady friend.

"What's wrong? Want me to stop?" His thumbs gently caressed your thighs as his head hovered over your pelvis. You shake your head and nervously swallow before speaking once more.

"I-I'm just scared, what if you don't like—"

"Shh." He shushes you. "You're everything to me, you know that. You don't have to change just so I could enjoy you in bed. I'll take good care of you, bub. I promise."

"O-okay." He nods, placing a kiss over your clothed clit before pulling them down to get lost within your sheets. He swipes a finger down your folds, causing your breathing to hitch slightly. You watch as he slowly inserts the same digit inside of you, biting onto his bottom lip watching your facial expressions turn from uncertainty to straight pleasure. "Another." You moan.

"You sure?"

"Yes, please." He inserts another digit, curling his fingers upward as he starts to finger fuck you at a steady pace.

"Shit, you're so wet Y/N." He says lowly before lowering his mouth onto you to get a taste and tease your clit. You gasp at the overwhelming sensation, feeling the pleasure bubbling in your core and you had no idea how to deal with it. He picks up his pace while tonguing your clit and sucking at the right pressure until suddenly, you short circuit and tremble under his grip. You purse your lips together to prevent yourself from moaning too loud with your parents at the other end of the hall [jesus fucking christ], knuckles turning white as you grip the sheets tightly.

Your first orgasm came and washed over you quick.

"Did you just—" He removes his digits from inside of you, drooling at your cum accumulating all over his fingers.

"Holy fuck." You whisper as you regulate your breathing, twitching when Yoongi places a quick kiss on your pussy before coming back up to you.

"How was that?"

"So good. Wanna feel you." You whine, tugging him down towards you.

"I got you, bubby." He says, kissing your jaw, cheek, nose and lips. He reaches over into his pants on the floor, grabbing a condom out of his pocket. You furrow your brow and chuckle, confused if this was something he always did.

"You just carry that around?"

"The guys and I split on a box and carried one each for tonight. Just in case."

"Total fucking assholes." He chuckles.

"Better safe than not, right?" He rips it open with his teeth, spitting the wrapper out onto the floor before rolling it down his cock. He was perfectly thick and long, and it made you a nervous wreck all over again thinking about how this could feel. "Ready? I'll go slow." You nod. You immediately felt immense pressure when you felt Yoongi dip his body and slowly enter you. You winced, Yoongi immediately pausing until you tapped his arm to continue. And so he does, and you continue to breathe through it until he bottoms out and lets out a soft groan against your neck. "Fuck, you're so tight bub. God, you're gonna make me cum quick." He slowly pumps in and out, steadying his pace when he feels you buck your hips up to go along with his motions.

The pleasure skyrocketed; You shut your eyes, letting yourself be in this moment. Feel this moment.

He picks it up a little faster, careful not to bang your headboard against the wall. His forehead is pressed against yours, watching as you let out soft whimpers against his lips.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Yoongi-Yoongi—" You whispered. "You're gonna make me—" It was becoming overwhelming, your clit rubbing against him as he steadied his pace and continued to fuck into you. He nods, pressing a kiss against your forehead.

"Yeah, that's it. Let go. It's okay." And that was enough for you to reach your second orgasm tonight. Quick, but fuck. Yoongi made you feel so good, and you wouldn't want it any other way. You shut your eyes as you hurdled over the edge, mouth open with silent, inaudible moans being released. "So fucking pretty." Yoongi says as he feels himself reaching his high with the way your walls pulsated against his cock.

God. So, so good.

He holds onto the headboard and quickly fucks into you until he's spilling his seed in the condom, muffled moans being released against the crook of your neck. It takes a moment before Yoongi raises his head, your hands running through his black hair while he presses a tender kiss against your lips. He slowly removes himself, wrapping the condom in a tissue before tossing it into your trash can. He plops next to you and welcomes you into his arms, caressing you to soothe you from your first time.

"You okay?"

"More than okay." You say, the both of you trying to savor the moment before trying to navigate where to go from here.

What now?

Third Quarter: College, Junior Year (Present)

You bent down, hands resting against your knees as you tried to catch your breath during the timeout Coach Chu had called with 5.2 seconds literally left on the clock. He laid out the play he wanted you and the team to pull off in order to gain the win over Berkeley.

It had to be executed perfectly. No flaws.

Coach Chu had been riding your ass since you were a freshman. But, over the years, you've learned how to work through his tough love and turn it into positives, bettering yourself on and off the floor. It paid off, and he saw the fire in you, finally moving you up to starting point guard right before the season ended. Some team members hated it at first, but eventually, grew to work with it as well.

The plan was to have you come down into the paint and lay up the ball or take a shot at the very last second to avoid Berkeley from getting another chance at scoring. Sometimes you hated the pressure, but you've also learned that a big part of playing ball was thriving under pressure.

Your team closes up the huddle before you and your teammates are heading back out onto the floor to try and get this win. You shake off the nerves, bouncing the ball out of bounds until you check it in with your teammate. After that— it was like a blur. Shit happened so quick, you couldn't even process it. You passed the ball and dashed over to the other side of the court while your teammate put up a screen. You rose your hand as you ran into the paint, adrenaline rushing through your veins as you awkwardly lay up the ball in the position you were in and stumble onto the ground from losing your footing. You turn your head as the buzzer went off, noticing that the ball had bounced off the rim.

You missed a fucking lay up.

How could you miss a fucking lay up?

"Fuck!" You cry as you sit up and smack the floor.

"Aye, it's all good girl! Ain't a big deal! You win some, you lose some! We still got a ways to go!" Your teammate [roommate, and closest college friend] Clarice said as she helped you up. She was right, but every loss to you was a big loss no matter what. Coach was for sure gonna drill you about this too, and you were already mentally preparing.

"Thanks." You mumble. You look out at the disappointed crowd slowly dispersing, wishing you could still catch a familiar face in the crowd.

But, Yoongi hadn't been to your game in years. So you thought. You never caught him if he ever stepped foot into your game.

Your head hung low as the familiar feeling of pain and loneliness came rushing back while you headed to the locker room. Too bad you didn't see him hiding out on the side of the bleachers with Lucas.

"Y/N, a word." Coach Chu says, leading you into his office.

Fuck, here we go.

You shut the door behind you and stand awkwardly in front of his desk, fiddling with your fingers.

"Look, I just want to say that you put on hell of a show tonight, win or lose. We still have plenty of games left, plenty of opportunities to lock in play-offs. Alright? Don't be upset."

"Thanks Coach." You give him a tiny smile.

"Are you doing okay?"

"Uh, yeah. I think so."

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing coach, just been a hectic couple of weeks." In which, it was no lie. You crammed for test after test, project after project. You barely had any time to breathe this year.

"Well, my door is always open if you need to chat." You nod. "I'll see you at practice. Enjoy your night."

"Thanks again." You say as you exit his office and get yourself showered and into comfier clothes.

Meanwhile, Yoongi heads back to his dorm room alongside Lucas, hands dug deep into his pockets while his head hung low.

"You ever gonna talk to her?"

"I don't know." He sighs. "Pretty sure I fucked up any chance of that."

"Look, dude. You haven't really been the same since you and Y/N fell out." Yoongi stays silent as they slowly climb the steps up to their room. "Why are you just gonna leave it like this? It's been so long already. Doesn't it bother you?"

"Positive she doesn't want me around." Lucas shakes his head.

"You haven't even tried. You just gave up and that shit is cold, to be honest. I know Y/N always held it down for you, I would have expected you to do the same." The words cut through Yoongi so deep, he doesn't even know how to respond and leaves it at that.

As you heavily dragged your body back to the dorms and took your sweet ol' time, your mind began to wander back to Yoongi as well. After he had taken your virginity that night, things took a turn for the worst.

He treated you differently, created this distance that allowed you to grow farther and farther apart from each other until he was no longer in your grasp and vice versa.

You went from Yoongi being a part of your every day to nothing. And fuck, did it hurt you. You cried and cried, until you were so tired of crying. You had to pick yourself up and keep it moving no matter what. Life waits for nobody.

You reminisce on those days of debating over who could really be considered the greatest. Although, you did pay your respects to the bigs, the greats— Kobe, Magic, MJ, Lebron— you paid respect where it was rightfully due. However, Derrick Rose at his prime? Rajon Rondo? Chris Paul?

Hell, even Baron Davis, Monte Ellis. Rookie Steph Curry? Shiiit. They were it for you, and Yoongi used to dog your ass on how unrealistic you were being.

That was all gone.

He must be having a ball watching Steph climb up those charts now, though. You wonder what he would say to you.

The days of going to basketball games, to each other's basketball games, to ordering hella pizza and creating chaos in either house over the dunk contest during the NBA All Star Week or yelling all around the living room and jumping on couches during the NBA playoff season and championship games— All gone.

If you knew this would drastically change you and Yoongi, you would have never let that night happen. You continued to put on your brave face, your thick, tough skin even though deep down, it took everything in you to suppress the hurt, betrayal and confusion. Even after all these years.

He meant everything to you. Did you not to him? You could never understand until this day. How could he dispose of you so, so quickly?

You see him on campus and quickly break any eye contact, or run the opposite way. You were tired of doing this even though you felt like you needed closure. Some explanation. You deserved it. But you weren't gonna initiate that. Even if Yoongi did, you don't even know if things could ever go back to the way it was. He promised he would never hurt you, but he has. He still is hurting you. The wounds— it cut deep. Deeper than he could ever imagine.

"Hello?" You smile, hearing your dad on the other line.

"Hey dad."

"Hey baby! How was your game? I'm sorry I couldn't catch it tonight, work kept me behind." You sigh.

"Eh, it's probably good you didn't. Didn't turn out so well." He picks up on how your voice cracks ever so slightly, enough to indicate that you were trying your hardest not to break down about your performance. "I missed the winning shot."

"Oh sweetheart, you'll get 'em next time. You always do. You still have a couple of games left don't you?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't change the fact that I played shitty as hell tonight."

"There's always room for improvement, only way to go is up from here right?" He says softly, making you smile. "You'll get 'em next time, I have no doubt. You always know how to better yourself even when I think you've already reached your highest potential."

"Thanks Dad. You always were my number one fan."

"I still am." He chuckles. "How's everything else? School?"

"Fine." He always has to stop himself from asking about Yoongi, even to ask if there's been the slightest change to your relationship.

"You sure?"

"Course." You lie.

"Alright, well you know me and your mom are here for you if you need anything."

"I know."

"I'll let you go and get some rest, alright? Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Mmm, I'll try." You chuckle. "I love you."

"Love you too. And hey, baby?"

"Yeah?"

"Always remember that you deserve everything good in this world. If someone can't handle you at your worse, they sure as hell don't deserve you at your best."

"Thank you." You smile as if your dad can see you through the phone before hanging up and unlocking your dorm door.

"Sigma Nu party going on tonight, wanna come and slide through?" Clarice asks as she watches you toss your duffle aside.

"I'm tired, not in the mood."

"So aren't I, but I think we both need it. Come on girl, just for a little." You sigh. Clarice had also been there by your side since you both were freshmen recruits. One day, she came into the room and found you a crying mess, causing her to wrap her arms around you and craddle you until you calmed down. You had spilled the beans about Min Yoongi, especially when he quickly became the talk of the campus as a ladies man and one of the best freshmen recruits Stanford has ever seen. You hated it, but a part of you still found yourself happy that he was getting the recognition he deserved as a ball player.

He wasn't the tallest, or the biggest, but boy had heart and played every game like it was his last. You had been his number one fan, and even though you hated him, that fact would never change.

Anyways, without Clarice, you weren't sure where you'd be. Definitely not here because you'd be too busy running away from your past and all the issues that came with it.

Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and say it. You would be stupid enough to not go to your first choice just because of a stupid boy.

"Fine, fine. I'm leaving as soon as someone wants to start acting up and getting all crazy though."

"Deal." She chuckles. You've learned how to dress up a little more— and by a little we mean baggy sweats, a crop tight fitting tee and chapstick. No way in hell you'd get dolled up for a party. Out of the years you've already been here, you probably went to two parties. One being the party Coach Chu threw at his house for a record-breaking season. The other was a legit party that you stepped foot in for all of 2 seconds before you figured it was time to head home, especially after seeing Yoongi hugged up with some chick and disgustingly tonguing her down while groping her ass.

Shit, you were never gonna get used to it.

The frat house is fucking packed and wreaks of weed even down the corner. You and Clarice push your way through, greeting people who were acknowledging your presence and waving at your other teammates that were also present.

"More basketball babes have arrived, let's go!" One of the frat guys cheers as you and Clarice make your way to the kitchen where all the alcohol is laid out.

"One shot?" She asks as she already has her hand wrapped around the Svedka handle.

"One and done." You tell her. You shouldn't have let her pour the shot though because now, you're stuck with nasty ass vodka near the halfway mark of the cup. "Clarice, what the fuck is this?"

"It's called savoring our one."

"You're fucked up." You joked as you tap your cup against hers and take the shot in three chugs. "Really fucked up." You wince.

"Come, lets go see what the other girls are up to and hang out for a bit." You follow her lead to the corner of the living room, chatting it up with your team before dancing around in the little corner you all occupied— keeping as far away as possible from sloppy and messy dudes.

You turned to eye the crowd at some point, catching Yoongi coming down the stairs, a female following from behind holding his hand. Then, they disappear to the outside of the house. You swallow the lump in your throat, the room feeling hotter than it already was.

Why he still had this affect on you, you had no idea.

Clarice and your teammates are too busy cracking jokes that they don't realize you've slipped away to get some air. You're finding that the crowd has come bigger in the short amount of time you've been here and navigating through it has become difficult. You're having to bob, weave and shove your way out, letting out a sigh the closer you get to the front of the house. You're also really glad you've been able to steer clear from—

"Shit, my bad." You unintentionally bump into someone making your way to the front from the side of the house due to you keeping your head low.

"Y/N?" You whip your head around to see Yoongi raising a brow, dropping his arm from the same chick's shoulders.

"Hi." You give him a fake, tight-lipped smile and rush your way to the front of the house. Thank god you finally make it because you were starting to feel claustrophobic, even being outside. However, you weren't prepared for Yoongi to come after you and grab your wrist the way he did.

"Wait, I didn't expect you to be here." Out of defense, you quickly snatch your wrist away from his grip and furrow your brows at him.

"Yeah, and now I'm leaving."

"Why, hang out for a bit—"

"And what, Yoongi? Watch you be the life of the party? Watch you walk around all fine and dandy like shit never happened between us?" You feel the tears welling up on your bottom lids, but you promised yourself you would never cry over him again. You refuse to. He had already taken up so much of you that you refuse to give him any more.

"Is that what you really think?" He says, the hurt apparent in his expression. To be frank, no. Yoongi really, really never meant to hurt you. And just like he had mentioned before, he would never forgive himself if he ever hurt you. He hasn't forgiven himself. He hasn't forgiven himself for how he let you slip out of his grasp when it was his own fault for pushing aside his feelings for you. He thought the world of you, the only woman who kept it real with him and stuck by him through the highest of highs, lowest of lows. There was no one as special as you, no one who could ever be as special as you, no matter how many times he tried to sink his dick into other females.

No one was real like you.

But, he was also conflicted because of that. He felt like he couldn't give you the love you rightfully deserved, he didn't think he could love you properly. He had so much to learn and he didn't wanna hurt you in the process. It sounds so fucking stupid [because it is] that he thought distancing himself was better than just being honest. He was a dumbass high schooler, he didn't know any better. But, he never meant to make you feel special for one night, then run from it. You were always special to him. You had always been. You always will be. And these past years hurt like a bitch, but he coudn't find the words to explain. Eventually, he just believed he would do less damage if you both remained distant this way.

Although, he longed for you. He really needed you just as you needed him. He always has, always will.

So when the two of you bump into each other tonight, he felt like maybe, it was a sign. Maybe it was time to stop being childish.

God, he missed your face.

God, he was a fucking asshole.

"No, I'm not doing this shit." You shake your head. "Just— continue to stay away from me, okay? I'm better off without you." The words sting you, but it doesn't sting you as much as it stings Yoongi. You glare at him once more before you turn on your heel and begin walking down the street to head back to your dorm.

"Y/N! Wait up!" Clarice calls for you, eyeing Yoongi as she passes him to catch up with you down the street. "Hey, hey. You okay?" She swings her arm around you when she catches you silently crying to yourself. "What did he do, Y/N?"

"He fucking exists, that's what." You groan. "Ugh, fuck! I'm not supposed to be crying over his dumbass, I'm better than this Clarice— Why the fuck am I crying over it?" You break down, crouching down to your knees, causing Clarice to hover over you and pull you into a hug.

"Maybe you just need to let it out and stop forcing yourself to not feel anything."

"I hate him, I hate him, I hate him." You bawled into your arms. "I hate him so much." She caressed your back. "But he still finds a way to mean so much to me."

"I think it's time for you two to talk."

"I can't. It's just better this way."

"Are you sure? Because look at you, Y/N. You're a mess, and this hasn't even been the first time you broke down about him. As much as you want to believe that you're fine without him, you're not. He was your bestfriend and I think you need him more than you even know yourself."

"He's doing fine without me."

"You don't know that, baby. Dudes are annoying as fuck because they can literally go on about their day and mask that shit well. If he's ready, let him explain. Hear him out. You both may be misunderstanding the entire situation." It takes you a good minute before you can finally gather yourself and make it back to your dorm room with Clarice.

She was right.

But you were so angry more than anything. You were angry and you weren't sure how you could get past it.

He left your side.

And so the next day, you go about your day in class, staying quieter than usual during practice. For the most part, Coach Chu was always on your ass because of how vocal you were and how much you caught an attitude when things didn’t go the way you'd like it to. So, to see you this quiet, almost sullen even, concerns him. But, he already pressed you once and he wasn't gonna do it again to avoid irritating you any further.

You run the usual conditioning drills, practicing play by play before a final scrimmage game for the night. You push yourself hard like you always do, almost coming out of practice dry heaving from how tired you are. It was your bad habit though, you wouldn't quit until you got it right. Until you felt right. And unfortunately, it's another one of those nights where you feel unsatisfied with your performance. So, you take it upon yourself to continue practicing in the empty gym that was set to close within the next hour. You're tired out of your mind, and you know this is probably a bad idea, but you can't shake off the feeling of dissatisfaction. To you, that was the next worst thing. Right behind Yoongi.

You begin to work on your three pointers, lay ups and shots out of range before you start to play a scrimmage game with yourself.

"I'll play you." You suddenly hear, the sweat beads dripping down your forehead at this point. You watch Yoongi as he drops his water bottle off at the side of the court before walking over to you.

"Go away."

"Afraid you'll lose?"

"No, I just don't wanna play your ass." You shot up the ball, only for it to bounce off the backboard and land in Yoongi's hand.

"Ball up. Let's play till 10."

"Why the hell do you wanna play me, Yoongi? Don't you have a random chick to bone?"

"I'm clearly standing right in front of you aren't I? Quit fucking talking and play." He aggressively passes you the ball to check it in, you following suit, making the ball damn near bounce off of his chest with how hard you pass it back. He knew exactly how to rile you up.

You get into the zone quickly, trying to find some kind of redemption for the way you had been feeling lately. Redemption, validation, way to take the edge off— anything, really. It was only until the first person scored to 10, but Yoongi was putting up one hell of a fight, jet black hair parted down the middle and matted to his forehead from the sweat building up. You take the lead, sitting at 8 while Yoongi sat at a sad 6 points.

"Ball." You call out as you scored a layup, ramming yourself against the padded wall with the force you had put up.

"That's 10."

"Ball, Yoongi." You huffed and puffed.

"Stop, don't overwork yourself. You just got—"

"Suddenly you care? Stop being a pussy and pass me the goddamn ball." He furrows his brows as he passes you the ball, crouching down to meet you at eye level to try and guard you. You run towards the right of the court, pulling a pump fake before you pivot to get away from Yoongi's guard. You pivot hard and drive it up to the basket, only to fall on the wrong footing and twist your ankle on the way down. "Ouch, fuck!"

"Shit, Y/N!" Yoongi comes to your side, hand supporting your back as the other is on your ankle.

"I'm fine, leave me—"

"Stop being so fucking stubborn and let me help you." He says angrily. You don't say anything else while you fix your position on the floor. "Can you wiggle it at least?"

"Y-yeah." You wince as you wiggle your foot and roll it around a couple of times. Phew, at least this shit wasn't gone for good. But Coach Chu still wouldn't be happy to hear you sprained your ankle releasing your anger on Yoongi during a dumb game. Yoongi helps you stand, arm around your waist as he throws your arm around his neck and holds you steady by the wrist.

"Try walking on it."

"I can, but it hurts a little." Yoongi sighs.

"You just sprained it. Let's go get you some ice or something at the nursing center before going back to your dorm." You silently nod as you hang onto Yoongi for extra support, careful not to make the situation any worse than it already is. He has you sit on the chair within the nursing center, the nurse coming over to wrap your ankle nicely before giving you crutches and some instant hot compress to pop onto it. She orders for security to drive you two over to the dorm building in their go-cart so that you wouldn't have to do much walking on your foot while you focused on healing.

Yoongi doesn't leave your side, even after you've walked into your dark, empty dorm room, not really knowing where Clarice is at right now [possibly library]. He shuts your door and sits you on the edge of your bed, setting your crutches near your bed side and your instant hot compress.

"You need anything else?" Your head hangs low as you slightly chuckle and shake your head.

"Why are you doing this?" You ask him lowly before looking back up at him, tears clouding your vision. "Hm? Why, Yoongi?"

"You're hurt, why wouldn't I—"

"Hmm." You hum. "I'm hurt? So where the fuck were you after prom night? When I was hurt then, where the fuck have you been?" You began to cry.

"Y/N." His tongue swipes over his lips before he sighs. "I'm sorry." He says, close to a whisper.

"Are you? Because I don't think you really understand how bad you hurt me." You aggressively wipe away your tears while continuing to look at him, his body language soft and full of regret. "You didn't care about me."

"How could you say that? I cared—" He sighs as his head drops for a second. "I care about you more than you know."

"If you did then why the fuck was it so easy for you to drop me the way you did?!" You yelled. "You just don't do that to the people you care about, especially if it’s your bestfriend."

"Look, you're right. I have no excuse for the way I acted, and if I could turn back time to re-do it, I would. But I can't, and the only thing I can do is apologize and do my best to make it up to you." His bottom lip trembles as he steps closer to you, a small frown forming at the corners of his mouth.

"Yoongi." You cried. "I did everything for you, I stuck by you through everything, even during the times you didn't deserve that shit from me. But I stayed! I stood by you because you meant everything to me and god—" You groaned. "I needed you. I needed you and you weren't there! I fucking hate you for doing this shit to me but part of me will always have love for you no matter how fucked up the situation is. I will always drop everything for you. I will always care about you, and it's so unfair." It broke Yoongi's heart and he didn't know what to say, but he wraps his arms around you anyway, keeping you in a tight hug against his chest. He's surprised that you let him, even more surprised at how he feels your body soften under his touch.

"Fuck, I'm so, so sorry bub." He says lowly as he presses a kiss on top of your head. "I'm so sorry."

"Please don't ever go again." You cry against his chest.

"No, I'm not. I'm gonna be right here." He says hugging you tighter. "You're the only one who's ever understood me, who's ever kept it real with me. I don't deserve you, but I know damn sure I'll work hard to make up for letting you go in the first place." He places another kiss on top of your head. "I'm right here. Not going anywhere. I'm so sorry."

- - -

"THE STANFORD BOYS TAKE THE CHAMPIONSHIP!" The commentator screams into his mic, Yoongi running a lap around the court before he's cheering loudly with his teammates and joining the group hug. You run down the bleachers, dashing straight into Yoongi's arms while he swings you around.

"That's what I'm fucking talking about!" You squeal and giggle as Yoongi places you back down and plants multiple kisses around your face, hands resting on the small of your back.

"Let's get out of here." He whispers in your ear.

"I'll wait at your car, bighead." You wink, causing him to smile that gummy smile of his that you adore more than life itself.

There's obviously a huge party going on tonight to celebrate this huge achievement, but Yoongi says he doesn't wanna join for once. He's happy, yeah. But the way he wants to celebrate is in peace. After so long, he feels like he can finally say he's content with where his life is at and where it's going. He drives over to the nearest beach, backing into a space so the both of you could sit in the back and try catching all the shooting stars up above. Yoongi leans against the side of the trunk, allowing you to lay your head on his lap while you curled up beside him listening to the waves slowly crash against the sand.

"Saw one." He says, looking up at the sky.

"You're a punk, no you didn't."

"What?" He laughs. "How are you about to say that? I caught it with my own two eyes."

"Oop! I saw one!"

"Now that's a lie. I was looking up too."

"Shut up." You laugh, causing Yoongi to tickle you along the sides before he stops and plants a kiss on your lips. It's silent for a minute while the two of you take in the night view— The sky and ocean coming together as one, forming a view that seemed endless.

"Hey."

"Hm?" You hum as Yoongi's fingers gently brush through your hair.

"You know I love you right?"

"Ew with the sappy shit, Min Yoongi." He laughs.

"Seriously."

"I know." You smile up at him. "I love you too."

"Come here." He says softly, tugging you upwards. You sit up, allowing Yoongi to press his lips against yours. He pulls you in by your shirt, having you straddle his lap while he grips onto your hips and immediately grinds against you. You let out a small moan feeling how quickly he hardened, his cock hitting you in the right places as you continue to grind on him. "Fuck, wanna feel you babygirl."

"Here?"

"Yeah." He chuckles and bites onto his bottom lip.

"What, all of a sudden you're scared?"

"Fuck off." You fire back, releasing his hardened member from its confines as you stroke him gently. He tilts his head back in pleasure before tugging your shorts and panties to the side, enough for him to cop a feel of how wet you are.

"Baby's all wet."

"What're you gonna do about it?" You whisper against his lips, biting onto his bottom lip and pulling back slightly. He hisses at the sensation before he moves your hand from his cock and takes control. He pushes you upward, positioning you enough to line up with your entrance.

"Take this shit off."

"Yoongi, we're in public."

"So, you're all talk and no play."

"I hate you."

"Nobody's here." He groans. "Just take off your shorts, pleeease." He begs as he slowly strokes himself. You toss aside your shorts, Yoongi immediately hooking his finger at the bottom of your panties and tugging it aside in order to push himself into you. He does enough before he lets you do the rest of the work and sink down on his length, a gasp leaving your throat as you take all of him in. He grips your hips tightly, setting the pace as he groans into your neck, your fingers tangled in his hair resting at the nape of his neck.

"Shit, babe." You moan as you tilt your head back.

"Fuck, you always ride me so well." He presses light kisses against your neck before he's nipping at the surface.

"Godddd why do you feel so good?" You whimper.

"You like how I feel inside of you?" You nod. "Yeah? Like how my cock fills you up?"

"Never gonna get tired of it." You moan, Yoongi making you pick up the pace aggressively. Besides the waves crashing, the lewd noises of skin slapping against skin fills the car, along with your soft moans and Yoongi's groans. Your clit is constantly rubbing against him, causing the pleasure to build so quickly it becomes overwhelming. You try to hold off as much as you can but—

"My pretty baby. All I fucking need." He almost growls, the words enough to send you over the edge. You let out a loud moan, not even caring for the houses nearby as your orgasm hits hard and ripples throughout your body, sending aftershocks. Yoongi continues to have you ride him fast and hard, the overwhelming sensation causing a hint of pain to mix with more pleasure until you feel him feel you up. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He groans as his nails dig into your skin, giving two good thrusts upwards into you to help ride out his high. You both sit in the position for a minute, trying to come back down from your highs. Yoongi gives you a delicate peck on the lips, smiling into the kiss before he pulls away. "Swear you're all I need."

"See, I don't know if I could say the same." He smacks your ass as you hike up and off of him to put on your shorts.

"Take it back."

"I'm kidding." You blush.

"My ride or die. Are you with me?"

"Always have been. Are you?"

"You know I am."

"Good. You know it takes two." He smiles before pulling you into another hug and pressing a kiss against your temple.

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