#It seriously hurts so much to see the character I most saw myself in separated from the entire rest of the cast over his size again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

clairecrive · 3 years

Note

can u make a nikolai x reader based on the song mr perfectly fine by taylor swift?

Mr Perfectly fine

A/n: Ahh, thank to you friend, I've been jamming to this song every day lmao Hope I've done it justice x Also, I've left out some parts of the lyrics to make it better fit the story.

(if you want, you can add yourself to my taglist here)

for my other masterlists, you can find them on my navigation page

Word count: more than 7K (ikik it took a life of his own, what can I say)

Warnings: bit of fluff, angst (like a lot), character's death, spoiler if you haven't read Siege and Storm

Tagging: @jupiterandbutterflies (Thank you so much for your comment! I saw it and it made my day✨)

(I don't remember where I took this from so if you know pls lmk)

Most people knew of Nikolai Lanstov. He was a prince, the second born and the most charming. Most people knew him thanks to the countless rumours that went around at court: supposedly he was not of royal blood. "Sobachka" was what they called him.

No matter how though, everyone knew of the last Lanstov prince. But very little knew him.

Meeting him wasn't difficult. Since he had been of age, Nikolai had always been out of the Grand Palace and among people. He’d also volunteered to enlist in the first army, refusing any kind of special treatment and fought beside his brothers in arms in the infantry. That was part of the reason why everyone outside the court loved him so much.

Being Grisha meant that fighting in the Second Army was mandatory. Not that you minded. There was nothing you wanted more for your people than to finally be free. Also, that Shadow Fold needed to go and as the Darkling has always said, all efforts are necessary.

That’s how you met Nikolai the first time. Generally, the First and the Second Army were stationed in different parts of the campsite. Numerous quarrels between oprichniki and Grisha had rendered the separation necessary. However, you never liked crowds much and living in the Little Palace meant that you were always surrounded by people. So, every chance you had to draw away and be by yourself for a while, you took it. Also, being a Healer meant that you’d spent more time in your assigned tent taking care of soldiers than among them.

Word had gone around that everyone in need could come to you. Usually, you had been instructed by the Darkling that your powers were reserved for Grisha. However, what good was it to have the ability to cure people and only take care of a selected few that very rarely got seriously injured? Meanwhile, soldiers of the First Army often suffered from severe injuries, fatal gunshots or knife wounds. You could help them and possibly save their lives so why shouldn’t you?

That was why Nikolai found you one night. Sure at that point it was just another nameless soldier to you. He had never been in your tent before so you had never seen his face before. The boy whose arm he had draped on his shoulders though, was a usual visitor of yours.

“Oh, Petyr, what happened this time?” gesturing to his blond friend to lay him down on the table, you started gathering everything you needed. Not that you needed much but you had found out that Petyr was absolutely incapable of bearing having his bones or injuries in general repaired without having some kind of pain reliever before.

After a few tries, you came up with a herbal composition that dulled the pain but didn’t make him unconscious. Using kvas would mean that Petyr would be knocked out for a couple of hours. That would put him in trouble with his superiors.

“He’s a fool, that’s what happened.” The explanation came from his friend after he put him down gently. Despite his words, you could hear in his tone worry and guilt?

“If saving your life makes me a fool then go ahead and call me one,” Petyr huffed in pain.

“Who knew you were so brave, uh?” After quickly shredding the herbs you needed, you poured hot water on it and brought the cup to Petyr’s lips while helping him keep his head up.

“He’s the bravest of us all,”

“If I knew it took a bullet wound to make you hand out compliments so easily, I would have done it sooner.” Scoffed Petyr after sending you a thankful look.

“See? What did I tell you? A fool,” his friend said dramatically and you smiled amused at their playful banter.

“Let’s see what we’re dealing with, shall we?” You said out loud to warn both Petyr and his friend. Letting them know what was about to happen was best, your experience taught you. Both for the person on the table that could brace themselves for what was about to happen and for the person with him that was filled with worry and cautiousness. Oprichniki didn’t trust Grisha that much.

After assessing the damage, you let out a relieved sigh as the bullet had gotten through and it had not hit any major artery. It had already got infected though, so you knew it would be a painful one to treat.

“So, did you receive any letters lately, Pety?” You ask, suggestively wiggling your eyebrows while your hands cover the wound. You had your eyes closed to better focus but you were sure that he had rolled his eyes.

“Only from my mum.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t write her back,” you said, opening your eye just in time to send him a glare.

“Ugh, not this again, y/n, please. Have mercy on me, I’m bleeding all over the table.” Petyr moaned making his friend snicker.

“You’re not bleeding all over the table and if you didn’t notice, I’m already taking care of you, am I not? That doesn’t excuse you for being an idiot, though.”

“Are you two in cahoots or something? It’s not fair. Wounded man over here.”

“Oh shut up.” Both you and his blond friend said at the same time. Petyr moaned once again and you sent a little amused smile to the blondie.

“Should I leave you with a cool battle scar? Maybe acting like a war hero will give you the balls to write to her.” You harmlessly threatened him but your hands were already reconnecting the tissue of his skin without letting it scar.

“I’ve told you, y/n. She deserves better than what I can give her. I am, who knows if I even make it home? I’d be only stringing her along.” Now Petyr was dead serious. It was true, you had talked about this often since he was a regular you got to know him better and he had soon told you about his sweet Katia.

While his friend chanted “fool” like a mantra in the background, you took his bloodied hand in yours, his wound fully healed.

“Petyr, how do you think she’s gonna react when she learns that there hasn’t been any delay to her letters but you’re just ignoring her? Besides, you should let her make this decision too. Who knows, she’ll surprise you.” Squeezing his hand you turned to let your words settle and to put away your utensils. You knew you had given him so much food for thought so you didn’t address the subject anymore. His friend helped him off the table and that’s when you noticed that he was injured too. He had a pretty nasty cut on his lower lip and there was already a bruise forming on his temple.

“Petyr, you can sit on my chair while I take care of your friend. You should be fine but for at least a while don’t stress your body.”

Mentally making a list of the things you need to tend to this kind of wound and where you kept them, you started collecting before heading back to them.

Petyr had sat down but his friend was still standing.

“You don’t have to lie down if you don’t want to, but unless you don’t want me to go take a ladder or something, it would be best if you sat on the table.” You gave him your best reassuring smile as you mixed the healing paste. Sometimes, men didn’t like to put themselves in a vulnerable position with someone they didn’t know and had learned to fear. He wasn’t that badly hurt and it would only take a couple of seconds to fix but not every oprichniki was comfortable with being healed by Grisha power. So the paste would do your job for you. It would take longer, sure and it would also sting a lot more but at least he’d be healed at last.

After looking at you for a little while, the blond man did as you instructed, giving you a dazzling smile in return when you settled between his legs to fix his cut.

“The name is Nikolai or handsome if you prefer.” It was not the first time a wounded soldier tried to flirt with you. IT didn’t bother you, you found them amusing more than anything and you knew it was the allure of someone taking care of them speaking more than any real interest.

“Let’s hope you won’t be around here much for me to learn your name.”

“I’ll have to find another way to make myself unforgettable then.” He winked at you before hopping off the table.

You didn’t address his words, only gave them the paste you had prepared. It would prevent any wound from being infected and would be able to cure small cuts and bruises if applied for a couple of days. With that, you sent them both on their way. Petyr waving you goodbye while Nikolai sent you another wink.

And so this was how it all started.

Mr. "Perfect face"

Mr. "Here to stay"

Mr. "Looked me in the eye and told me you would never go away"

Everything was right

Despite your fellow Grisha, military life could be a bit alienating. Which sounded like a paradox, sure, but everyone had their own way of processing trauma and emotions and of course there were plenty of those during the war. If the best way to come to terms with everything that happened was to distance yourself from others and try to find the solution in solitude, it could get to the point where you’d feel alone in a room full of people.

To get a little respite, you’d usually go on a long walk or resort to stargaze. Sometimes, depending on where you were posted, it wasn’t safe to leave the campsite. So, that’s how Nikolai found you one night. Even he had to take a breather once in a while. Being a different version of yourself based on who you’re interlocutor was must be exhausting. Of course, you didn’t know this. You knew nothing about Nikolai at that point if not that he was Petyr’s friend and a socialite, according to other soldiers.

He seemed to be at the centre of gossip no matter what group of people you found yourself with and there also seemed to be a consensus about him. Everyone liked him. Even if it was rare for some Grisha to appreciate oprichniki, you knew they somewhat respected him because if they didn’t praise him out loud, they didn’t speak ill of him either.

“Not a fan of crowds, are you?” he announced his presence before sitting down beside you.

“I love them, I really do. It’s just that sometimes it gets too much.”

“Yeah, I know how you feel.”

“You do? Everyone seems to think you’re a socialite.”

“It’s what I want them to think but alas, I enjoy being more complex and multifaceted than that.” He lightly bumped your shoulder with his, eyes aflame with mischief.

“I bet.” you simply smirked. Despite how everyone seemed to think they knew him, you got the peculiar vibe from him, like there was a lot more to him than what he let everyone see.

“No one seems to know much about you.”

“Maybe you’ve talked to the wrong people.”

“Well, then I guess it’s better if I got straight to the source, don’t you think?”

“That will surely be a better start. Not sure you’ll find what you’re looking for though.”

“We’ll see.”

That night had been the first of many. It had become a sort of an unspoken arrangement between the two of you. While it didn’t last long, you sensed that you got to know him better than everyone. There was something about late nights meetings under the stars that prompted deep and meaningful conversations. It wasn’t hard to form a solid bond with him after a few nights.

The conversations weren’t always personal in the conventional sense. You’d often stray and talk about the most bizarre things. Like why something had the name it had or how cool it’d be if it was possible to pass through surfaces, which led to imagine all the uncomfortable situations one could find themselves in if they were to simply go into a room through its wall.

Nikolai was witty, overly confident and ambitious and he knew a lot of things. You always wondered how he had learned them since he was so young and been in the army for a couple of years already. But Nikolai was never too forward on certain topics, his family and childhood being some of those. You understood, those were sore subjects for you too. So you never insisted. It was much more interesting to listen to him rumble about impossible future projects of his, like a flying ship.

"When people say impossible, they usually mean improbable." He’d say whenever you’d point it out to him. Somehow, despite the absolute absurdity of them, the sheer confidence that he seemed to constantly exude, made you consider the possibility of his success.

You got the distinct feeling that there was nothing this man couldn’t do.

But that was when I got to know Mr. "Change of heart"

Mr. "Leaves me all alone," I fall apart

It takes everything in me just to get up each day

But it's wonderful to see that you're okay

But, alas, as all things do, these encounters of yours also got to an end. You knew it would happen, you were both soldiers so your lives were both heavily characterised by uncertainty after all. However, you were not prepared for it to end so abruptly though. And without an apparent reason. Because Nikolai’s unit hadn’t been posted elsewhere and he hadn’t been fatally wounded. You would have heard of it were that the case. But it wasn’t.

You thought that he had come to cherish your nightly encounters too. Some of those had been full of his promises. How he’d love for you to be around when he’d eventually find the time to work on his ideas. How you had been a nice surprise, a most interesting person among so many dull idiots you were surrounded by every day. How he’d come to value your opinions and presence in his life and that he was going to find a way to make sure that that would never change. Promises that turned to be empty.

You had never allowed yourself to fully believe him. It wasn’t the first time that a boy had made the same kind of promises but Nikolai looked sincere. Honest enough to be believable. But, of course, you had been wrong.

You didn’t realise just how much you had come to rely on him until he was gone. You tried to keep your mind off him and luckily the perfect distraction came your way. The Darkling had scheduled an attack on the enemy’s army and had posted you to be on the field to take care of everyone promptly. You had never been more grateful to the man, even after he had given her a home and a purpose.

Ever since your first encounter with Nikolai, you had thought it had been a blessing. However, you had soon changed your mind and now considered a curse more than anything. Why? Because as soon as you got to the field you couldn’t help but scour the troops for a familiar mop of blond hair. Many looked like him and being this far you couldn’t be sure that he wasn’t one of them but you certainly despised the leap your heart made every time though. That was a distraction you couldn’t afford. Besides, it wasn’t smart to let your heart get involved in times of war.

The battle began, Inferni and Squallers were working together to impair the enemy’s visual so they couldn’t shoot or use their cannons while the First Army marched after them to swap in as soon as the air cleared to catch the enemy by surprise. While your role wasn’t active per se, you were a Corporalki after all, and even if you had been specifically trained as Healer, you had also got one of your friends to teach you the basics of an Heartrender’s work. You weren’t a powerful one but you could hold your ground in a fight. Especially since they weren’t expecting you. And you were still far from any real threat.

The battle dragged on and soon there were wounded soldiers that needed your attention. You hated this kind of work, it was messy and dirty and had to be quick because spending too much time on one soldier could mean dooming another to death. You were accustomed to it by now and soon found a rhythm focusing on ensuring everyone’s survival and not bothering with the aesthetic side of healing. That could be taken care of later if they wanted to.

As soon as your eyes fell onto a crouched figure you sprinted towards them. It was dirty and you didn’t recognize them but you got the feeling it was a life or death situation. Oh, how you wanted to be wrong.

The person crouching turned out to be Nikolai and he wasn’t alone. He was kneeling beside someone, Petyr.

“Where are you hurt?” you hurriedly asked as you tried to assess the damage. His uniform was dirty and full of blood but you couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Trying to answer you, Petyr opened his mouth only to let out the most gruesome gurgling sound as his respiratory tract was flooded by blood.

“He got shot in the gut.” Nikolai offered.

“Is the bullet still inside?” Opening his uniform jacket you tore a piece from his shirt to use it to put pressure on the wound.

“It’s too late,” Nikolai uttered.

“No.” You strongly refused as you removed the cloth and focused on the wound. His heart was straightening and he had already lost a lot of blood. If the bullet was still inside that it was going to be a problem, if it wasn’t then you still had a fighting chance.

“I removed it earlier.” So that was why he had lost so much blood. Nodding your head to show that you had heard him, you set out to stop the internal bleeding. Slowing his heartbeat so that it was pumping less blood and thus eased your endeavour. You were still in the middle of the field and while you were keeping up with the warfare but in the back of your mind, you registered the sounds of screaming and of gunshots getting closer. A bullet hit you in the shoulder propelling you forward over Petyr’s body. Grisha’s kefta were bulletproof so you weren’t worried for your incolumity but for the harsh movement you had made.

Leaning back, you heard Nikolai calling for you but your eyes were trained on Petyr. You tried to listen for his heartbeat but could only hear two instead of three. Nikolai, who had never left your side, immediately understood what had happened by the fall of your shoulders and the tensing of your hands.

He kept calling for you but the only thing you could focus on was that you had let your friend down. Now there will be one more family crying for a loss, another girl mourning a lost loved one. And it was all your fault. It was because of you that Petyr wouldn’t live to see another day, to write another letter or to fight another battle. It was on you.

The details of what happened next were a bit blurred. Someway you must have found your way back to the campsite. Whether you did on your own after tending to everyone else, you didn’t know. Your memories picked up after you woke up in your tent. Someone was calling your name, saying that the Darkling wanted to see you.

Mechanically you raised and made your way to the Darkling’s tent but your mind was elsewhere. Your thoughts were plagued by Petyr’s face, by that godforsaken sound he made when he tried to speak. The realisation that he was gone hit you like a wall of brick that would have made you stumble if you weren't’ sat in front of the Darkling’s desk. Whether he was speaking and stopped after seeing the forlorn look in your eyes or he hadn’t been speaking at all, you didn’t realize. You did hear him say that you were going to be posted somewhere. Under different circumstances you have said something, anything to not let him send you away. Your mind immediately went to Nikolai. You’d be leaving him behind along with the campsite.

However, you now realised that you had already lost him. Losing Petyr had been the last thing that had completely severed your bond. There was no turning back now and part of you was grateful.

Hello Mr. "Perfectly fine"

How's your heart after breaking mine?

I've been Miss "Misery" since your goodbye

And you're Mr. "Perfectly fine"

You couldn’t know, of course, but Nikolai had left not long after you did. Albeit for a different reason. He had finally earned the Major rank and as such, he took a step back from military life deciding that his skill would be better suited for a life on the sea. Assuring Ravka the supply she needed but in ways that weren’t exactly suitable for a prince but worked just fine for a privateer. And thus Sturmhond came to life.

As for you, you kept doing your job at your new post but were relieved when a letter came from the Darkling instructing that you were needed at the Little Palace. Part of you had relegated Nikolai to that part of your mind where the unmentionable was, however, a traitor thought whispered that maybe there was a chance that you could see him at the royal grounds. Sure, the possibilities were close to zero but it was still possible, right?

No.

You already were ashamed of the fact that you’re still suffering because of him. And yes, you missed him but you weren’t going to indulge the pathetic hope of seeing him again.

He doesn’t want to see you. If he did, he would have already found you. Or write you a letter if he couldn’t, but he didn’t.

You were right. You knew you were, nonetheless, the thought only brought you a bittersweet feeling.

You found the Little Palace just how you’d left it and yet it seemed changed in a way. The insane amount of work you found there waiting for you helped you drown the feeling that it was you that had changed.

Months passed this way, sometimes the Darkling would post you with him or outside the Little Palace. All in all, you’ve kept busy. When news of the little prince leaving the Palace reached you, you let it wash over you. It wasn’t like it mattered much, whether he was a few feet away or in another nation, Nikolai wasn’t part of your life either way.

When the whole expansion of the Fold happened, you were stationed at the Little Palace. Chaos and terror ensued as soon as the news reached the capital making most of the Grisha flee. Most of them went looking for the Darkling while others simply ran away and hid. You were amongst the first group.

Soon, your life was radically changed. The shift in the Darkling was palpable and it didn’t have anything to do with the scars on his face. You had tried your best to heal them and Genya to tailor them away but somehow, they could not be removed. It was an unsettling thing to realize that they didn’t take away his beauty. One could even say that they enhanced his attractiveness.

He was certainly more powerful. None of you knew what had happened in the Fold that day, just that the Sun Summoner had fled and that there were no survivors apart from him. However, as your journey in pursuit of Alina dragged on, you were soon witnesses of his newfound power.

The nichevo’ya, he called them.

He had always been immensely powerful. One of a kind. But this- this was different. And as dread settled among your group as you watched them in action, realisation sat heavily on your shoulders.

He soon found a trail and traced Alina in Novyi Zem and set out to reach the island by hiring Sturmhond’s crew. He was a famous pirate after all and despite his unreliability, the Darkling was sure that as long as he got his money, he wouldn't be a problem.

In the round trip, you didn’t see much of the captain anyway. Some members of his crew were amiable enough, particularly the Yul-Baatar twins. You had even asked Tamar to spar with you from time to time. Your lessons with Botnik were a distant memory and you knew that mastering combat training skills could increase your chance at survival.

When Alina and Mal were held captive though, that’s when Sturmhond made an appearance. He looked younger than you’d thought and there was something oddly familiar in the way he held himself. Still, you didn't talk with him much. Your job was to take care of Alina and so you spent most of your time in her room.

It wasn’t until the Darkling asked Mal to track Rusalye and consequently spent more time with Alina that you had a chance to talk with him. It was during one of your night shifts when he approached you, the Darkling had wanted some of his to always be patrolling the ship.

“What could possibly make a little thing like you be amidst this wretched company?”

“It’s all a matter of perspective, I guess.”

“The thrill of adventure?”

“There’s plenty of it everywhere you go if you’re Grisha, even if you just go on a stroll.”

“Is that why you follow him?”

“I owe everything to him.”

“I’m sure you realize your role in this.”

“Of course I do. I’m not some naive girl who has a crush on her general.”

“Ah, so who, pray tell, do you have a crush on then, beautiful lady?”

“You’re certainly noisy for a pirate.”

“Privateer,” he corrected you, “there’s not much to do around here is it?”

“Not if you have everyone taking care of it, no.”

“Amuse me.”

“It isn’t wise to let the heart get involved in times of war.” That was all you were willing to share. Yes, he was handsome. Yes, the twinkle in his eyes was oddly familiar but he was a stranger. A dangerous one.

“Those sound like words spoken from experience.”

“Maybe.”

“Well, I’d say it’s no fun to only think about war. Life is so much more.”

“Believe me, if I could, it’d be the last thing on my mind. But, alas, l don’t have the privilege to do so.”

You had already lost too much time speaking with him. If someone were to see you or tell the Darkling you’d be in trouble. And you had made it your goal to never put yourself on the path of the Darkling’s anger. So you excused yourself and went back to your rounds.

If only you had stayed and talked to him more maybe you would have understood what was about to happen. Maybe you would have had an enkindling of Sturmhond’s plans. Instead, you were taken by surprise, just like everyone in your group, when Rusalye was spot and a shot was fired. You had found yourself in the uncomfortable position of having to fight against people you had grown to like.

“I don’t want to hurt you, y/n,” Tamar warned you as you stood face to face on the sinking ship dock. Her trusted axes in her hands while your hands were raised ready to attack.

“I don’t want to hurt you either.”

“Then you don’t have to. Come with us.” Her proposition made you gasp.

“That would be treason,” you whispered hoping that the Darkling wasn’t around to hear you. A shiver ran through you as you thought of the punishment he’d give you for even thinking about leaving his side.

“Then you leave me no choice.” She said lowering her arms. Was that guilt you heard in her voice?

Before you could voice your question though, she shouted for her brother and not even a second later, you felt your body grow still. Your eyebrows faltered as you felt your heartbeat slow down.

They were Grisha.

They must have seen you realise because you heard Tamar apologize before everything went black.

Mr. "Never told me why"

He goes about his day

Forgets he ever even heard my name

Well, I thought you might be different than the rest, I guess you're all the same

You didn’t stay out for long though. As soon as Sturmhond’s crew had left the Darkling’s ship and had safely made it onto the Volkvolny, the privateer had asked for you to be awakened.

There wasn’t enough light for you to realize you were on another ship, what alerted you of your new situation were your hands. They had bound them behind your back. Immediately you started to struggle, hoping to wiggle out of the restraints. To no avail though. Huffing out in frustration, you settled for looking around you and see if there was something you could use. That’s when you noticed him.

“Release me- this instant, or else-”

“Or what? You’re a Healer. Not exactly a violent job, is it?” Sturmhond interrupted you, a smirk on his face since he had the upper hand.

“I don’t need my powers to kick you in the ass, do I?” He laughed but didn’t look remotely threatened. Rather amused, actually.

“Please, you have to let me go. He’ll kill me if-” Panic started to build as you realized that there was no way you could successfully escape.

“He won’t touch you.” A solemn glow took over his eyes. “He won’t ever hurt you again, you have my word.” He promised, looking subtly at your left shoulder. You winced as you realized that he must have seen your scars. The ones left by the Darkling’s niche’voya.

“How can I know if you’re trustworthy? You don’t exactly have a good score, you know?”

“You’re going to find out soon enough. Don’t worry.”

Of course, he didn’t bother offering further explanations. He’d left it at that. You weren’t a captive per se but he left your hands bound, only freeing them when you needed to eat or relieve yourself.

Fruitless were your efforts in making you tell more. He often ate with you and would check in at least twice a day but that was it.

It wasn’t until after you had landed after that forsaken vehicle of his had gotten you through the Fold that you understood. His coming out as Nikolai Lanstov, prince and second in line for the Ravkan throne, had shaken you all to your core. However, you doubted that it had sent a pang to the others’ hearts as it did with yours.

Nikolai Lantsov. The man you had been dreaming about, the one that had left you behind without any sort of explanations, the one you missed so dearly, had been by your side all this time.

You weren’t sure how you felt. It made sense now why his eyes looked familiar and his posture. You then connected that the vehicle you had used in the Fold had been one of the many projects he used to geek about with you. It tasted a lot like betrayal. Not because he had lied to you about his name but because he had tried to get close to you again and had managed to somehow break that growing bond again.

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

So dignified in your well-pressed suit

So strategized, all the eyes on you

Oh, he's so smug, Mr. "Always wins"

So far above me in every sense

So far above feeling anything

Even if his secret had been outed thus causing some shift in the dynamics between Nikolai and the two new members of his crew - you suspected Mal was closer to punching him every second that passed- not much had changed for you.

On the outside, you pretty much looked like a prisoner. Albeit a very clean one. You rode with them, hands still bound, scowl ever-present on your face.

Nikolai had not come to see you ever since that night after the Fold. And now it had been almost a week since you had started your journey back to the capital. Whether this was all part of his plan to make you look the part of the captive even more or he was just gutless, you didn't know. It was working either way though.

You liked to think that his reason was simply that he didn't care. He had far too much on his plate right now as it was. Going back to court after years of absence while also making claims to the throne and trying to sway the Sun Summoner your way. It was no easy feat. But hadn't he always liked to say that impossible often meant improbable? A lot of things had changed since that night but even so, you'd still pose your bet on him that he'd be able to achieve anything he set his mind to.

It wasn't exactly that thinking this way brought you actual comfort. Of course, not. But it was better than foolishly hoping for him to still care about you the way you did for him. After all, he had sent plenty of signals that pointed in the other direction.

But then why did he kidnap you? Why take you with him? You weren't that close to the Darkling to be of any use to Nikolai in that way. And, as a matter of fact, no one had come to interrogate you regarding his plans or whereabouts. Then why?

You still couldn't figure it out.

Some days your anger shifted more to frustration and you were ounces away from asking for him yourself. Almost as if he had heard you though, he gave you the final push.

It was the usual day, Nikolai and Alina were riding in the carriage, stopping in every village we passed to meet with the locals. However, this time, before climbing back into the carriage, they kissed.

You were too far to figure out who started it and the details. The gist of it was enough though.

You most certainly were a fool. Still thinking about a guy who didn't give two shits about you, who had kidnapped you putting you in a dangerous situation and you were still wondering whether he felt something for you or not? Pathetic.

You had to do something about your situation and quickly too. Officially, you were a traitor. You had fled and joined the Darkling, that wouldn't make you look good in front of the king. He was a lousy bastard anyway and will probably sentence you to death to set an example. You hadn't survived so much shit to end up at the end of a rope.

So, even though you had initially thought against it since you were so close to home, you decided to escape. You were already headed towards certain death so what was the worst that could happen?

Your hands were left unbound when you were in your tent. One less problem to solve. Closing your eyes, you focused on listening for any nearby heartbeats. You heard two, those of the guards posted outside your tent. Maybe you could find an excuse to call them inside, put them to sleep and then slip away.

That was not exactly what your powers were for but you were desperate. You had to at least try.

And so you did. You called them in and immediately set out to slow their heartbeats. You had almost succeeded in putting them under when someone else slipped in. The last person you wanted to see.

"Am I that bad of a host?"

You didn't meet his ruse though, you knew it would make you lose focus.

"I'm afraid I have to ask you to release my soldiers." As soon as he said it though, they fell unconscious at last. Your chest was heaving by now, using so much power in such a different way was costing you. But you couldn't back down now. It was one on one and you were Grisha and a woman scorned. He stood no chance.

"Move out of my way, your highness."

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"You can or I can make you. Your choice." The venom in your voice was unmistakable and it took him by surprise. He gave you a curious look tilting his head to the side like he was seeing you for the first time over again.

"I didn't realize ruthlessness was one of your personality traits."

"You know nothing about me," you seethed. The tip of your fingers flexed, the tension in the room could be cut with a knife and you were already weary.

"It may have been a while y/n, but I like to think I know a good deal about you."

"And I would like to completely erase this last year but you don't hear me yap about how shitty it has been, do you?"

"You never did like opening up much."

"I'm well past the point of sentimentalism, Nikolai. It is coming far too late anyway. And whatever my feelings for you may be, I won't let you put my life on the line." Your posture straightened, stance ready for battle.

His eyes flashed, jaw clenched. His hands closed in fists and he almost looked hurt. But why would he?

"Is that what you think all of this is?" Nikolai always acted aloof. He was always composed and dignified. You had thought it was for his insane amount of self-confidence but now you understood it was for how he was raised. But you recognised the pout on his lips. It was the expression he’d always have whenever he tried to get something from getting to him. To prevent himself from showing emotions.

"You're holding me captive while you go around Ravka parading your latest conquest, flashing your return everywhere. I don't know why you're doing this but I don't care. I've stopped waiting around for you and I certainly won't let your father put me to death."

"You think I'd let him?"

"So you want to do this?" you threw your hands up in exasperation, "Fine. You really want to know what I think?"

"Be my guest."

"I think that the Nikolai I knew would have left out of the blue without so much as a letter. I think that the Nikolai I knew was ready to go to any length to achieve what he believed in. However, I thought that the Nikolai I knew cared about me and what we had but look at me now. So maybe, I know nothing at all."

"You certainly do seem to know a lot of things. But you’re not wrong."

"If this is the way you care about me," I gesture to my tent, "then I'm not sure I want this Nikolai to care for me."

“This,” he said, emulating your gesture, “is to keep you safe. This is my way to ensure that if the Darkling got news of your whereabouts, he’d be sure not to think you willingly left his side and betrayed him.”

“That’s because I didn’t!” You raised your voice in outrage. The nerve of this man.

“Spare me your indignation. I know you hate being at his beck and call, to do his dirty work and be constantly surrounded by warfare.”

“Do not presume to speak for me.” You snapped. You knew it was best to keep a cool head but his cockiness was getting on your nerves.

“Didn’t you? Hate it, I mean.”

“We’re at war, Nikolai. Being away or close to the Darkling won’t change that. At least with him, I was safe.”

“You can’t be that delusional to think that he was protecting you.” He scoffed at your words as if they were the most absurd thing he had ever heard.

“And you can’t be that delusional to think that bringing me back won’t result in your father killing me.” You fired back shifting on your feet. He winced as if you had physically hurt him.

“You have so little faith in me?” His voice was just above a whisper and you knew that your words had struck a chord.

“How can I have any, Nikolai?” your voice softened a bit. “One day you’re telling me how much you value my opinion, you promise me a future where I’d be the first to see your project come to life and then you left. You just left, Nikolai.” And when I was starting to make my peace with it that’s when you come back? Also, let’s not forget about my abduction and your flirting with Alina.”

“So yes, I don’t trust you.” You concluded, crossing your arms on your chest with finality. He just stared at you for the longest time. If someone would come in now, they’d think you were in the middle of a staring contest. Then he sighed and started talking.

“I had to go away. I had already pushed my parents’ limits when I said I wanted to be part of the infantry. So, one day I got a letter written by my father personally and I knew that my time was up. I had been Nikolai for too long, now I had to start being a Lantsov prince.” His eyes were on the ground now, shame making her way in his words.

“So that’s what I did,” he went as he started pacing,”I went to Kerch to study, just like my father wanted. I did what he asked, he couldn’t reproach me anything now. I could never stay too still though, a life of adventure was calling me and I could not ignore it. It was only then that I realized that I could do so much more than sitting in a class, to realistically help Ravka.”

“I couldn’t take you with me. You had such a larger role to play in the army and besides, there wasn’t much I could offer you. So yes, I left. I left thinking that I would find my way back to you eventually.” He had stopped by now, regret was swirling in his shining orbs as he looked at you.

“You could have told me.” You contestated, taken back by all the information he gave you. “I would have waited for you.” A whispered promise for something that would never be now.

“I was afraid, y/n. That’s not my best moment, I know and no number of apologies could ever make it right. But I was afraid of your answer. I knew I’d be asking for a lot and let’s be honest-” the desperation in his tone was evident now, he had unconsciously started to lean towards you but you knew what he was about to say.

“You weren’t sure if the future you were offering me would just end up with me being your mistress, am I right?” Your tone hardened but despite the insulting implication of what you said, you weren’t made at him.

“I’m a prince, y/n. We do not marry for love and this country cannot afford to disregard the advantages that a political union could bring.”

His honesty was as refreshing as it was unsettling. He was right. As soon as you had learned he was a prince, you realized just what kind of future you could have with him. But then he left and that problem did not exist anymore. Neither of you spoke, both of you were seizing the other. You had laid it all out, defences were down putting you both in a vulnerable position.

And someday maybe you'll miss me

“You should have talked to me, Nikolai. We could have figured it out together. If it came to being your mistress to stay with you, then that was my decision to make.” You said softly after a while. It pained for you to say this, you would have never thought that getting closure would hurt this much.

Tears streamed on both of your faces, in front of you had been laid what your future could have looked like. It was everything you had wanted, you could still do your job and have the man of your dreams. You were surprised to find that you wouldn’t mind sharing him with his supposed wife. You had been at court for enough time to know how most marriages went. If he assured you it was only a diplomatic affair but that his heart was yours, that would have been enough. Who knows, maybe she’ll get a lover too.

But now… now you didn’t know if you could ignore everything that happened. You did not trust him nor could you ignore how hurt you were by his lack of communication and thus of trust in you.

But by then, you'll be Mr. "Too late"

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lantsov imagines #nikolai lanstov one shot #nikolai lanstov fic #nikolai lanstov x you #nikolai lanstov x y/n #shadow and bone #grishaverse #nikolai lanstov angst #nikolai lanstov fluff #nikolai lanstov blurb

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kaylathekittykat225 · 3 years

Text

Carnival Ride of Horror // Steve Harrington x Reader

Carnival of Horror // SH

Warning/s: Cursing, laughing at inappropriate times, (very minimal) mentions/implications of abuse/stalking (just wanna warn, its super small but just in case!)

Word Count: 3.5k

Hey guys! It’s been a bit since I’ve written, lemme tell you, life has been kinda crappy and its just a little less crappy now! So I decided to start pecking at the keyboard again and this is what came of it! This lovely person requsted this work and I just got around to starting to really write because I had a free week. Anywhoodles, it’s good to write something again and I hope yall enjoy it!

Again thank you for this idea @seraphiiii

omg i came across your post about writing ideas in my feed and got so excited to see both steve harrington and young justice in the tags lmao. but i think a steve harrington x reader where reader and him go to an amusement park and reader is terrified of the rides so he’s like comforting her throughout them and encouraging her but also laughing (in a good natured way obvi) about how scared she is and stuff? i think that would be so cute!!

Here’s my Masterlist.

Enjoy.

-----

“Stevie, when we agreed to have a date night away from the kids, I didn't think we would be going into a mass of more kids.” As he pulled the keys out, you stared at the bright light shining machinery that had been set in the middle of a field outside the city. The annual summer fair had finally made its way to Hawkins, and it had left a buzz in the air as everyone planned when they would go, talked about what rides had come this year, who their ride buddy would be; it had been all the kids had been talking about for weeks. They put a day together the coming weekend to go as a group and they planned to drag Steve and you along on the off chance that they needed an “adult” to allow them on the rides.

Funny how they assumed either Steve or you knew how to adult.

“Cause I thought it would be a nice change from us just watching movies or having dinner.”

“Oh, so dino nuggets are no longer date-worthy for you.” Steve almost took you seriously, but he saw the grin that has graced your lips at your own comment. He relaxed a little knowing that you weren’t upset with his idea for date night, but he had always wanted to kiss someone at the top of a Ferris Wheel, and he would do anything to get you to the top of the rotating ride.

“So, you’re not mad that I chose here for tonight?” You shook your head and pulled at the door handle separating the two of you from the outside life.

“Of course not Stevie, I just thought it was an interesting choice.” The smile you chose to have was one that hopefully convinced him that you were okay with where the pair of you were going, even if you weren’t happy with the choice.

You can be happy with the idea of going to a carnival as long as you don’t go on-”Cool, so what ride do you want to do first?”

“Shit.” The world slipped out before you could stop yourself as Steve finished paying for your tickets and asked what you had said. “Nothing just kicked myself. Um…” You looked around frantically for something to do that wasn’t flashing brightly and spinning faster than the legal highway speed. “Let’s go over there!”

Steve followed your hand as he saw you point towards the stands of games that were rigged and way too fricking expensive, but he would do it for you. “Alright, starting out with some games I see, I like it.”

The two of you ran through a few of the games, most of them where Steve got way too into it and you had to step between them as he tried screaming that he deserved that stuffed bear/pony/cat/fish, because he almost had it every single time. He did beat out the basketball one, one of the last ones the two of you did on that strip, bolstering his confidence just enough to get him into a cheery enough mood.

“Alright! We played some games, and let the crazies test out the rides so I’m pretty sure they won’t break down on us. Which one should we do first? They got a drop tower, or how about the pit viper swings? Or, or, or how about we…” The night had been going enjoyable up until Steve turned to the rides you had managed to distract him from and pointed at the glowing and fast-moving monsters.

“How about we do the haunted walk over there?” Steve followed your pointing finger with a quizzical look, he hadn’t really taken note of the scary attraction before, never thought to really look to it with everything else going on. “I bet it won’t even be scary to us after everything we’ve been through right ha.”

You took off with a dry laugh without waiting for a response from him; his cries were head behind you, but the haunted house looked better than anything else around you. “Y/N.” He called you again, but you walked faster. By the time you got to the stairs leading into the building, you were practically running up them to get into the dark house with smoke billowing out of it.

“Y/N!” Your name was the last thing you heard before diving through the door and physically bumping into one of the scarers dressed as a zombie. He seemed nice, breaking character enough to ask if you were okay before you had already turned the corner and left him behind too.

Twisting and turning, you didn’t pay much mind to the screaming witches, zombies, skeletons, or anything that happened all around you; over the music and screaming, you could vaguely hear your name, giving you an indication that Steve followed you.

Not too far in, you found a quieter corner with only a couple cobwebs around it where you quickly ducked back into and tried pressing yourself into it deeper, hoping to watch Steve walk right by you.

Why the hell were you running from your boyfriend? You gained a sense of logic for a second where you paused. Why were you running? This was super childish of you and really had no reason. All Steve wanted to do was go on a few rides and you were being selfish and completely ruining what was going to be one of the few evenings you didn’t have to babysit the kids.

As the guilt started to swirl with your desire to not be found, you didn’t notice as the Frankenstein in the room had taken notice of you hiding in the corner and started to tromp over to you. “Hey, miss, you can’t be hiding in here, you gotta keep moving.”

“I’ll be out in a second, sir, let me just-” “You can’t be here-” “If you give me a second, I will leave as soon as I can-” “Miss you have to leave-” “Give me one dan minute-” “Y/N!”

Among all the screaming the Frankenstein and you had been doing was your name being called by a third and new voice along with a hand clasping onto your shoulder. Looking to the hand, you saw the unmistakable outline of the man you were hiding from. “There you are babe, why were you running off.” Just looking at the Frankenstein’s demeanor, you could tell he went into defense mode suddenly.

“Were you hiding from him miss? Are you okay? Do you feel safe?” The painted man moved to step between you and Steve in an attempt to separate you two.

“Whoa, whoa buddy, back off. She’s my girlfriend, chill out.” Steve tried stepping around the man o little success.

“Oh, your girlfriend? And she’s running from you? I don’t think this is looking very good for you, buddy.” The two were shooting back and forth at each other, getting chest to chest, and starting to cause a larger disturbance that started o be heard over the music and background scream noises. More workers it looked like started to slip into the room and try to get the two men to quiet down, going so far as to begin threats of throwing them out of the haunted house.

You were pulled away from the situation before being pushed away and into the next room, looking like it was on its way to the exit in the next two or three rooms: your destination.

-----

“Y/N?” His voice finally chirped up next to you as Steve took a seat next to you on the grass at the edge of the carnival. “You okay?” When he saw you sitting over here, he had quickly jogged over and took her in as he did so: sitting with her face pressed into her knees and arms wrapped tightly around her legs as she kept herself in as tight of a ball as possible.

You didn’t respond at first, only moving your head to look up at your boyfriend, the person you have embarrassed tonight and most definitely pissed off with your childish antics tonight. “I’m sorry.”

“Whoa what do you have to apologize for? I’ve been worried about you and wanted to make sure that you are okay.” His hand found its way to your back and began rubbing circles into your shoulder blade.

“I was really childish today and you didn’t deserve it, all because I was scared of the stupid rides.” Your words may have been mumbles, but he heard every word clearly.

“Hold on. Babe, did you say you were scared of the rides?” Your small and timid nod was enough for him to understand. “Why didn’t you tell me? I never would have brought you here if I knew that!”

Swallowing the thick feeling in your throat, you looked up at him and saw the disappointment and hurt in his face and that hurt. “Because you were so excited about it, I thought I could get through it and do at least one or two with you. But as we got closer, I guess my nerves got the best of me and I just...ran. Like a stupid child.”

“Hey, hey, hey, no.” Steve quickly shuffled to kneel in front of you and grabbed your hands, holding them in his own and your legs fell down to where you were now criss cross apple sauce. “I’m not gonna force you to do any of these rides if you don’t wanna. If you want to just go home, we can make this a movie night if that works better for you.”

“No, Stevie,” His mouth quirked up at this name. “You already bought the tickets; I don’t want you to waste the money you earned because I’m a scaredy cat.”

Steve took a second to think, racking his brain on how to salvage what has been an eventful evening. “How about…” He paused again and just stared at you with you staring back at him, waiting to hear what he wanted to say. “You can say no, how about we try a few rides, to try and get you on some. If you don’t like riding after one, we can go home, and you can at least say you did it.”

Mulling this idea over in your head, your eyes shifted from where your boyfriend sat in front of you to the bright and joyous scream filled rides were. “I suppose they don’t all look so bad.” You murmured to him, staring particularly at the giant Ferris Wheel that turned, a small memory from early on in your relationship popping into your head. Steve had mentioned a few times that his dream date would be to take a girl up on a Ferris Wheel and cuddle her and kiss her when they got to the top.

“Okay, we can try a few.” Though shaky, your voice was a little stronger this time and you gave Steve a small smile.

“You sure?” A nod. “Okay, I’ll let you choose which one we go on, okay?” Another nod.

Together, the two of you stood to your feet and approached the hustle and bustle of the carnival grounds again. “What did that Frankenstein do to you? I hope he didn’t get you in trouble or anything.” You asked as you laced your hand with Steve while the other went to hold onto his arm, squeezing it slightly as you got closer to the machines and your stomach growing heavy again.

“Oh him, he didn’t do much, just tried scaring me when he though I was some creep chasing you.” He chuckled at the short story, glancing over to you as you took in the carnival for really the first time, looking for something that didn’t freak you out. “How about we start with those spinning pods over there? All they do is spin around and if you want it to, we can make it spin on the inside too.”

Following his finger, you saw what he was referring to as it did spin around, the four small egg things with windows in them were spinning on the main machinery but also appeared to be spinning on their own. As you got closer and apparently joined the line, you could see inside one of them a group of middle school boys cackling as they pulled on the weird center disk that kinda looked like a pizza pan. “Yeah, we can give it a try.” The shakiness in your voice had come back and your grip on Steve tightened.

“Hey, you got this I’ll be right here with ya.” He returned the squeeze to your hand and fishes through his pocket for two tickets to hand over at the entrance. “Up ya go.” He mutters as he helps you up the three stairs leading into the egg ride thing you were entering before he stepped in behind you and took his place next to you. You were already holding a death grip on the center console when the door was shut, and Steve sat next to you. “You know what this is?” He asked gesturing to the disk you were holding onto with the vice grip.

“Something for me to hold onto?” You shocked yourself with how violently your voice was shaking as you heard something start to rumble around you. “Oh, shit its moving.” Steve let a quick chuckle out before he stopped himself and tried explaining the center console would cause the pod thing to spin. “Fuck no! Don’t you dare make this thing spin.” Bloody murder was not even near definitive enough of how much you were screaming.

“Babe, babe calm down, it’s fine! I promise, ha!” In comparison to your screaming, Steve seemed to be having the time of his life as he laughed; at least he wasn’t making the ride spin. “Babe, babe, babe, I’m so sorry I’m laughing, I promise I didn’t mean to, but you were screaming so much! And it was hilarious!” Steve held onto his sides as he nearly fell out of the pod and waited for you to follow his laughing self. When you didn’t step out, he turned back around and saw you still had your hands clenched very tightly to the metal plate, your eyes wide and your lips pursed together. “Sweetheart, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about the rides, do you wanna go home?”

Hearing him soften up got you to finally look at him and slowly let go of the wheel. “N-n-no. I’m…” You paused to catch your breath and steady your voice. “I’m good, I just don’t know if I can do any more of these kinds of things.” Taking his hand, you pulled yourself up and stepped out from the ride and have yourself a few seconds to remember how to use your legs.

“You okay?” You nodded at him and gave a shaky, but okay smile. “You sure you wanna do another one? Cause we can go-”

“No, no, I can do…” The carnival really did have more rides than just ones that wanted to make you die, but none that really made you want to jump on them. “Can we do the carousel? I know I can do that one at least, my mom took me on them enough as a kid to be desensitized to those ones.” Steve looked over and saw the carousel that was filled predominately by smaller children, but if you wanted to do this and it was because he bought the tickets, he couldn’t make her do something else.

“If that’s what you wanna do, then we can do the carousel all night long, babe.” You nodded at him and followed him as he took your hand and the two began the walk to the carousel.

The carousel ride was much less curse filled, thankfully. You and Steve had found a pair of horses sitting side by side and the two of you quickly claimed them. Like you had said, you did get to enjoy this ride due to having done it before and you were able to just chat between the two of you, talking about how the kids were cute, how excited you were to take the kids to the park and not have to rides. It was a fine ride, definitely better than the last one.

“You ready to go home, babe?” Steve turned to you with a smile on his face. Getting you to ride two of the rides was honestly enough for him, plus, he knew Dustin would ride all of them with him later, with you waiting at the end for him.

You were about to agree and leave this eventful evening behind you, but you saw what Steve was standing near and bit your lip. Should you do it? Could you do it? “Actually, I wanna do one more.” He gave a quick quirk of his head before he followed your eyeline and turned around.

“What? Babe, we don’t have to do that, you have been through enough today and you were great, you don’t have to prove anything.”

“But...you have been wanting to do it, you told me about it one time.” You responded a little shyly as you confessed that you were doing it back of what he told you that one time. “I just...I really want you to be able to do it.”

“You...you remembered?” Steve was kind of shocked that you remembered him mentioning it, he had told that to girls in the past, but none of them really went out of their way to think about it, hell, even to remember it. “Are you su-”

“Steve, yes, I wanna do it with you.” The grin on his face was immaculate and contagious as one grew on your face as he quickly took this well and pulled you towards the line to the Ferris Wheel and dug around in his pockets for another round of tickets.

As it went around, you felt your stomach grow heavy again when you finally saw how high it got and had to calm yourself down without causing another scene. “Come on, babe, looks like ours is up.” He gently tugged on your hand and pulled you into the seat next to him before the handlebar was lowered and locked in front of you. “And here we go!”

The squeak that left your mouth was nothing but surprise and terror as you clung onto the bar for your life, your knuckles turning white with the sheer force you were holding on. “It’s really stupid you know that the only thing holding us back from falling to our death is this small bar and it’s really stupid because was if I was reall-holy shit this is really tall!” You finally removed your hands from the bar and moved to press yourself in Steve.

You could feel him trying to stop himself from giggling as he moved his arm to wrap it around you. “You can laugh you know; I really don’t care. I’m the coward of an almost twenty-year-old who’s scared of a carnival.” A chuckle did come through as the ride kept rotating and you slowly moved closer to the bottom.

“I’m not laughing at you, babe, but the noises you are making are fricking hilarious.” His voice still held the chuckle as he pressed a kiss to the side of your head, and you responded with another squeak of shock as you started rising again.

Making it to the top again, you were waiting for it to hit its peak and for the relief of lowering the cart to begin, but instead there was a shudder before the ride stopped. “What’s going on, what’s going on, why are we stopped? Oh god we are about to die, fuck, shit, I don’t wanna die.”

“Babe, calm down, someone below us is getting off so they had to stop the ride for a bit. Remember when we had to get on? Same thing probably happened to someone else.” You nodded your head and just stared ahead to the tops of the trees you never thought you would have seen.

“It’s...it’s not too bad up here.” You finally mutter after a few beats of silence and getting your bearings. “I wouldn’t want to stay up here, but it does look nice.” Steve hummed in agreement and pulled you a little closer. “Hey Stevie?”

“Hmm?” He responded looking down at you.

“Thanks, tonight was fun.”

His face broke out into a grin again at your thanks. “Of course, thanks for giving a few of these rides a chance.” Smiling up at him, you sat a little straighter and caught his lips with your own, the two of you humming to the other that you were happy with your evening.

Though it was not as long as Steve would have wanted to stay in that moment with you (the ride started again and you broke away with another shriek), but he wouldn’t have traded that moment for anything else in his life.

#steve harrington one shot #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve #stranger things season 2 #stranger things imagine #stranger things x reader #stranger things season 3 #stranger things #joe keery

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anxiouspotatorants · 3 years

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Whoopsy daisy I made a Shadow and Bone random thoughts post:

The costumes in this show are impeccable. I was drooling over all the keftas and the ball gowns in 1.05 and the crow outfits. Hell, even the winter-camo outfits that Mal, Mikhael and Dubrov wore in 1.04 were amazing.

Am I the only one who isn’t surprised by the kruge pronounciation? Because I thought it would sound like how English people say Scandinavian words and I wasn’t wrong.

Coming in to this show as someone who had only read the Six of Crows duology, I expected to at least tolerate Malina based on the trailer clips. I kid you not: less than five minutes into the very first episode they owned my ass. That might be a new record for me.

Seriously the friendship? The pining? The finding home in each other and being able to acknowledge their faults and apologize to each other? Both of them having massive “fight me” energy and protecting each other? Hugs?? Why am I surprised that I ship this?

Some of those scene transitions/flashback edits were so good! Like I know they repeated that meadow scene a lot throughout the season, but the cuts from kid-Mal looking at the rabbit to grown up Mal psyching himself up for the fist fight? Poetic cinema.

The Darkling was horrible and I love it. He wasn’t a carbon copy villain, nor did his complexity redeem him. He was a perfectly complex and understandable monster and I am living for it. I have not been so happy to despise a character in ages and I genuinely bow in gratitude to both the writers and Ben Barnes, because I finally got to enjoy watching a character I did not for one second root for ( #writevillainswellagain)

Look I already loved Jesper in the book but his on-screen translation elevated him from a fave to the fave. I was worried that they would push him into a comedic relief-role, but he got to keep both his heart, his depth, and his humour. Kit Young did an amazing job bringing what was already a great character on page to an even greater character on screen and I once again applaud.

Am I a bit bitter that the casting had some interesting choices for certain roles (aka hiring light skin and mid-size actors for explicitly darker skin and plus-size roles)? Kind of. Do I think there are important discussions worth having about this? Yup. Do I also think that every actor hired for Shadow and Bone did an amazing job and deserve zero hate and massive amounts of love? Also yes.

I had Alexei for one episode and one episode only, and I still miss that poor sucker. This show did a surprisingly good job with making me care about a massive amount of characters considering the screen time they had and the amount of episodes this season had. Good job.

For some reason I expected Inej to be a lot more brooding based on how I perceived her in the books but I love what Amita Suman did with her. Her translation completely recontextualised everything I remember from the books and just brought this truly fresh character to life. Assassin with a conscience indeed.

Also I did love the Kaz we got in this season but I can barely contain myself as I wait for season 2 to be made and for a certain flashback to take place because that moment in the book was visceral and it stayed with me for a long time and I knew before the show announcement that this flashback could become a television moment.

Speaking of Kaz the crows were so chaotic and messy and I’m here for it. Their interactions with each other and their improvised back-up plans were everything. I somehow didn’t expect the crows to become the comedic relief of the season but it honestly makes so much sense.

A couple episodes in I still didn’t get the Zoya hype (remember I haven’t read the books) but was a massive Genya fan. By the end of the season I was like “oh both of these girls are getting redemption arcs and I am here for it”.

Speaking of redemption I still don’t like Matthias. I’m sorry but I just don’t. I get that he is important to many and that they like his relationship with Nina, but I just don’t have the patience for him and feel like Nina can do better. I still want him to get a redemption... but maybe not through a romance with the grisha woman he repeatedly slutshames, is bigoted towards and chokes at least once (twice if that SoC scene from book 1 happens). That being said this is just how I see him, so feel what ever you feel about him and ship to your heart’s content!

Alina’s journey through this season made complete sense to me. It hurt to see certain things, but they were necessary in my eyes. Seeing her go from this essentially insecure but brave girl to a manipulated pawn to an even stronger and more self reliant girl in spite of everything was amazing. It did feel like a well-written hero’s journey and I’m looking forward to seeing where she goes next.

Apparently a lot of book-readers don’t like Mal (and I am not here to change anyone’s mind about that) but the Mal I saw on the show was amazing. I actually kind of wish we had seen more of who he was outside of his relationship to Alina (f.ex. other flashbacks than the meadow, maybe something about any of his missions while separated from Alina pre-show), but I also loved what we got of him with Alina. We still got to see a guy who was brave, stubborn, flirtatious, a bit judgemental but with a strong sense of humour, and a lot of loyalty (to Alina but also to his friends). I can hardly wait to see what’s next for him.

Milo the goat. Where do I even begin. Not only did we get that Jesper-scene, but their farewell actually became a Chekhov’s gun for Mal in 1.07? Milo is the true hero of the season.

Speaking of 1.07 I loved the tent scene between Alina and the Darkling. She both got to be realistic about her feelings for the Darkling and stand up for herself and for others and call him out. The way I interpret the Darkling, he is the kind of villain who creates a saviour narrative around himself but cares more about power than anything else. He’ll say he’s doing everything to protect his people but is the first to kill the very people he claims to love. And Alina’s tent-speech really hammered that in for me.

I adore Baghra. Is she morally dubious? Yes. Was she incredibly mean to Alina during training to the point where it might have been excessive? Yes. Did she not take any of the Darkling’s bullshit and act as the proper mentor for Alina when the Darkling had said that he was going to train her? Yes. Am I kind of a Baghra stan now? I mean maybe.

The antler-collar was so evil and gross but from a visually narrative stand point it was perfect.

Also I still have no idea who David is but I want redemption for him too. Honestly I feel like half the supporting cast is gearing up for redemption arcs next season and I am excited for most of them.

Nina’s reaction when she hears Kaz on the boat? Priceless. Actually the whole boat scene from when she goes up on deck again to the cut back to the fold was priceless.

That being said the final scene had me even more ready for season 2.

Jesper kind of gave me messy period-fantasy James Bond? Does that make sense?

And Mal kind of gave me Lois Lane energy? As in he’s the mortal love interest that many assume is the hero/heroine’s weakness but actually functions as their emotional strength and inspiration? Am I reaching here or am I getting somewhere?

Mikhael and Dubrov. What a duo. Absolute madlads.

Also I’d like to see more Nadia if that is possible? Because the few scenes we had of her had me intrigued but then she sort of disappeared? Is she going to be important or was she just more of a temporary supporting character?

I entered this show a casual Six of Crows fan with mild interest in Kanej and I finished this season a mess. A mess who ships Kanej and Malina and Genya with that David guy even though they had about 30 seconds of screentime together and Zoya with redemption and Jesper with main-character status (hey we’re not getting Wylan until season 2 at least) and kind of those two Ravkan army guys and Nina with anyone else and Matthias with a better redemption storyline and the Darkling with karma! Also, a mess with a whole new set of comfort characters!

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pair-annoyed · 3 years

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Anime I Watched This Fall

My first semester of college is officially over and the December holidays are upon us! I hoped to make one of these posts sooner, but I have been incredibly busy with schoolwork. Now that things have slowed down, let’s take sometime to reflect on things I’ve watched.

These anime are listed in chronological order and encompass everything I’ve watched from 9/1/2020 - 12/15/2020

Like always, they will be rated on a 1-10 scale; 1 meaning complete garbage, 10 meaning masterpiece. I will offer my thoughts on what I did/didn’t like about each show!

1. The God of High School - 6/10

Despite the stellar animation from MAPPA and my high expectations, I was really disappointed by how this series was treated. Most of the story’s crucial elements were handled poorly. I finished this series feeling more confused about the plot than when I first began. The power system is really cool, but poorly explained. More time should have been spent on exposition and world building for this series, instead the fights were given the most screen time.

2. Doukyuusei - 7/10

I really liked the style of Doukyuusei. Granted, this was another movie I chose to watch primarily because of the hype surrounding it. The dynamic between Kusakabe and Sajou is an interesting one, and I also enjoy how the movies different acts were separated by the seasons. However, there's nothing that really sets Doukyuusei apart from other romance movies, its a little generic. Still, I enjoyed it nonetheless.

3. Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu 2nd Season - 8/10

My opinions on Re:Zero’s second season are biased. This was, by far, the sequel I was most hyped for during the summer/fall anime season. I was so happy to see the story’s continuation and I’m looking forward to the season’s second part coming sometime in January. Re:Zero is one of my all time favorite series because of the way it handles it characters and power dynamics. I also really enjoy the show’s psychological aspects. If you haven’t already, give Re:Zero a try!

4. Saint☆Oniisan (Movie + OVA) - 8/10

This was a wonderful comedy. I wasn’t sure how the subject of Jesus and Buddha living together would be tackled, but it was handled wonderfully. I was laughing for pretty much the entire movie. I love the art style and little references to both Buddhism and Christianity, plus the incorporation of Japanese culture. Saint Oniisan is a bright comedy, with two eccentric main characters. If you like a show that doesn’t take itself too seriously, and need a good laugh, I can’t recommend this more.

5. Clannad: After Story - 10/10

Never, while watching anime, did I cry as much as I did while watching Clannad: After Story. I didn’t realize how much I related to Okazaki until I saw him grow up in After Story. I was left sobbing, especially after episode 18. I still, to this day, cannot listen to the Dango song without tearing up. The original Clannad is nothing special, but the continuation of its story its something heartfelt, emotional, and down-to-earth. I love Kyoto Animation with all my heart, and Clannad made me appreciate everything the studio has done just a little bit more. Thank you Clannad, for reminding me about the kind of person I strive to be.

6. Nakitai Watashi wa Neko wo Kaburu - 5.5/10

The art in A Whisker Away was beautiful. The story itself, however, is nothing too enjoyable. I found it difficult to like our protagonist or her love interest. Nothing about this movie is inherently memorable. The emotional climax came far too early which made the second half of the film seem long and drawn out. All in all, the movie has a wonderful concept, I just believe it could have been so much more emotional than it was. When I watch a move, I like to empathize with the characters. It’s difficult to do when the characters aren’t given the proper exposition to be empathized with.

7. Shikioriori - 6/10

This is less of a movie and more of a collection of short stories. Flavors of Youth is something you shouldn’t watch on an empty stomach, all of the food looks incredible. The same cannot beside for the rest of this feature. The stories themselves seems heavily clichéd. Much like A Whisker Away, the initial premise is intriguing, but the execution results in something that comes across as trying too hard and carries no emotional weight with the viewer. If you plan on watching, pay more attention to the artwork and animation than the actual plot. You won’t be missing anything.

8. Vinland Saga - 7/10

Vinland Saga helped me get out of the rut that Clannad: After Story. Not only does this show have a great story, its action packed with lots of interesting fights. I especially enjoyed all the Nordic history embedded within the show. Its really unlike any of the other historical anime I’ve watched. I will say, it’s gory. But, compared to all the other things I watched this time around, I finished this series the quickest. Its good, its graphic, its fast paced!

9. Mononoke Hime - 7/10

It’s ironic considering how much anime I’ve watched that I have yet to watch all of the most classic Studio Ghibli films. Princess Mononoke is grittier than most other Ghibli films I’ve seen, but it’s message is positive and its characters are wonderful. I can’t really speak ill towards classics like these. I guess maybe my one complaint is that this movie could’ve been a faster pace. Other than that... I really enjoyed everything Princess Mononoke offered! I understand why it’s so popular.

10. Howl no Ugoku Shiro - 8.5/10

Can you believe it took me this long to finally watch Howl’s Moving Castle? Me neither!! This movie is so endearingly beautiful. I loved every second of it, from the characters to the soundtrack. So many iconic things come from just this one movie. I would like to take this time to thank my best friend for reminding me that Studio Ghibli films are wonderful! Thank you for watching this with me, I loved it! All in all, I regret not watching this sooner!

11. Toradora! - 6.5/10

Toradora took me a while to finish, just because I lost interest about halfway through. But, I powered through it, and ended up really enjoying the show! I’m not the biggest fan of the ending, but that’s just a personal preference. Somehow, this show also made me cry? I’m not entirely sure why because Toradora! is probably the thing farthest from sad. Apart from the show’s dull slice of life moments, it was super cute! A much needed light-hearted romance.

12. New Initial D Movie: Legend 1 - 5/10

Full disclosure, this is the only thing related to Initial D that I’ve ever watched. My band and I watched this expecting to hear some of that iconic Initial D music, itself all we got was a mildly confusing story about different types of cars. It was cliché and frankly a little boring. Although, I am still considering watching the original Initial D just so I can hear the music in the way it was original intended. I’ve got no other opinions on this movie. It’s best not to watch these movies without the context from the rest of the franchise.

13. Uchuu Patrol Luluco - 7.5/10

I didn’t really understand why people enjoy studio Trigger so much until I watched Space Patrol Luluco. I loved all the fun references to other studio Trigger works. I loved the humor, and I loved all the bright colors. The animation was extremely high energy, and the art style fits the show’s premise. Each episode was only 12 minutes long so it was a super quick binge. If you’re looking for something quick, light-hearted and comical, this is the perfect show to watch.

14. Orange - 7/10

I owe a big thanks to a tumblr mutual for recommending this show to me! This holds the honor of making me cry by episode 3! I honestly did not expect the subject matter of this show to be as dark as it was. Usually when I see the genre ‘shoujo’ I do not associate it with a love story like that of Orange. The heavy subject matter made it a little too close to home for me, but I still really enjoyed this series. It reminds me off all the good times I had with my friends in high school, and of all the regrets I carry with myself to this day.

15. 3-gatsu no Lion - 7.5/10

March Comes in Like a Lion is another show that was a bit of a slow burn for me. Each episode left me feeling emotionally drained, so I had to take a lot of breaks while I was working on watching this series. Shaft, the studio behind this anime, holds a special place in my heart because I loved their work on the Monogatari Series. March Comes in Like a Lion is a little different. It’s driving force it is characters, and it was cathartic to watch our main character transform through the entire duration of the first season. I know the show’s second season is much better, so I’ll be starting that soon!

16. Yojouhan Shinwa Taikei - 8/10

I loved how artsy and smart The Tatami Galaxy is, but honestly I couldn’t watch too much at once cause it would hurt my head. I also couldn’t watch this show while I was tired because the speaking rate is much faster than typical anime. The Tatami Galaxy is so unique for its medium. I loved the different time loops and the crazy animation. The characters were fascinating. The dialogue, although very fast, it also fantastic. There’s an element of humor to this unique story telling, and I enjoyed ever minute of it!

Currently Watching:

Hunter x Hunter - 6.5/10 (As of Episode 30)

I pride myself in having watched a lot of shounen anime, but I was reluctant to start Hunter x Hunter for years because I thought I would find it boring. I was oh so very wrong. Considering great shows like Naruto and Fairy Tail that fall under the same category, I expected Hunter x Hunter to be subpar in comparison. It gets a low score for two reasons. One, the power system was introduced a little too late and now I’m wondering if all the fights post episode 30 will involved nen in some way, shape, or form. Two, its still on hiatus.

Two Cursed Additions For This List

Please to do not let these be representative of my anime taste.

1. Yarichin☆B*tch-bu - 4/10

I am a CLOWN for not knowing this was 18+. The only reason I watched this was to see why everyone was talking about the pink-haired boy with the glasses and tongue piecing. I know why now, and I regret it. This was a massive mistake on my part. But hey, at the least the art and ending song kinda slap?

2. Euphoria (Dropped After 1 Episode) - 2/10

If you know what I’m talking about when I say Euphoria, I am so sorry. And no, I am not talking about the HBO series. Seriously, don’t google this. Don’t watch this. Don’t interact with anything related to this. You’re probably wondering, “Then why did you watch it?” I did not watch this willingly. You see, I have a very bad habit of starting anime and then taking months to finish them. I made an ultimatum with a friend, lost, and then was forced to watch this a punishment. Not a fun experience. I’m very glad there are no GIFs of this on tumblr...

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edna-skiffens · 3 years

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Ooo what about some teacher!Haz angst? Him and the reader get into an argument and avoid each other for a few days, their students find out and remind them of why they're together - the perfect couple - and they forget about the argument?

I love this! I hope it is okay. I got a bit carried away - sorry it took so long.

Lesson Learned

Summary: You and Teacher!Haz had an argument. Everyone at school can see the tension and they try to help.

Word Count: 1.8K

Warnings: Some angst, Some fluff, Some bad attempts at writing an English lesson

The moment you pulled your car into the parking lot, Tom knew something was wrong.

“Haz not coming in today?” You only gave him a small smile and a shrug as you walked by the boy that got stuck doing car rider duty each morning.

Less than a minute later, Haz pulled in, trying not to glance at your car as he made his way towards the building.

“How come you didn’t pick up Y/N?”

“Ask her, mate.” was the only information Harrison gave out, before he made his way inside.

When you signed in, the office staff noticed the tension as well. Usually Harrison would be holding your bag or the two of you would be way too giggly for the early mornings. Today you were managing your purse, work bag and mug of tea all alone while signing in. You’d have to put on a better act if you wanted to make it through the day. The last thing you wanted was to be the subject of workplace gossip or have your students interrogating you.

When the first bell rang, you knew you needed to stand in your spot in the hallway to watch the students, but knowing Harrison would be out there across from you made you drag your feet.

When you saw him standing there- in his stupid glasses and his stupid jumper - you froze. How could you be angry at such a face? But you were angry.

You were still stalled in the doorway when one of your students started walking in.

“Hey Emma, will you help me with something?” Sure. You used her to get away from the hallway.

“Sure, Ms. Y/L/N. What do you need?”

Once you were safely inside you turned to her. “Oh uh.. never mind I think I’ve got it actually..” You knew you were a coward, but you couldn’t face him yet. Harrison saw you retreat and hung his head. He noticed how you had an excuse to avoid the hallway all day. You two used to be inseparable and now it felt like across the hall was a world away.

He wasn’t the only one to notice. The students and other teachers noticed. Even the custodian pointed out how during lunch you were eating in your separate rooms.

“You must have a lot of work to do?” He joked light heartedly while emptying Harrison’s trash.

“Sorry?”

“To not be eating with Ms. Y/L/N today you must have a lot to do.” He smiled before leaving the room.

After school Harrison coached Track practice. You would usually busy yourself with work while waiting or occasionally host Yearbook Club and Prom Committee meetings. Today you had no reason to wait. After the dismissal bell rang, it felt odd to start packing up immediately, but you did. Avoiding anyone’s questions or awkward run ins, you made a quick exit and headed to your own place.

The next day was much of the same. The staff noticed the tension even more, though they tried not to point it out. The students were also beginning to pick up on the sudden change.

You couldn’t just avoid the hallway for another whole day, so in between classes you moved down to Mrs. Greene’s area and made small talk with her, occasionally calling out a student to put their phone up or hurry to class.

During lunch Tom popped in to check on his friend, noticing that he was eating alone again.

“Hey, mate.”

“Hey Tom. What’s up?”

“You tell me.” Tom responds while leaning against a students desk with his arms crossed.

“Sorry?”

“What’s going on with you and Y/N?” Harrison stared at his friend for a moment. He loved having a close friend that cared so much, but sometimes hated how persistent he could be.

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t do that. Everyone has noticed how you two are acting differently, so you can’t say it’s nothing. And I’m your best mate so I’m going to worry about it if I can see it’s affecting you.”

“We got into a fight.” He said after a moment.

“Was it bad?” Harrison gave his friend a ‘seriously?’ look before rolling his eyes. Obviously if they weren’t speaking it was bad. “Okay okay. Well, you didn’t break up right? So you can still repair things. That is, if you want to?”

“Of course I want to.”

“So then what are you waiting for?”

“She doesn’t want to talk to me. She does everything she can to avoid me and we work right across from each other.”

“Okay, but sitting in here and moping about it isn’t helping anything.” Harrison knew Tom was right, but it was still tough to hear. “Look, I don’t know what the fight was about or who was right or who was wrong, but if you don’t want this to ruin the relationship then you’ve got to suck it up and go over there and talk to her. The silence isn’t doing anything for anyone.” Harrison just nodded, taking in his friend’s advice before the bell rang. “I’m here if you need me.” Tom called out as he made his way back to the science lab.

It was the last class of the day, your AP Literature class, and you were discussing Little Women.

“What are some themes we saw throughout the novel?”

“Love.” Shouted out one of your students, Jessie.

“Yes, love is a big one. We see it in many different ways that we can explore as well. But let’s go a little deeper into those relationships, shall we? What themes do we see?”

“With Jo and Laurie there is tension.”

“Yeah we see that a bit.” You turn to add it on the board.

“Could you say war? Because of the actual war but also the arguments the characters have.”

“Good one.” You say with your back to the class as you write it on the board.

“And with Amy and Jo, they don’t communicate very well. They just argue a lot.”

“You’re right. They do.” You say turning back around, suddenly uncomfortable with where this is headed. “Okay that’s a good starting point. Why don’t you write down all the themes you can think of being consistent throughout Little Women and turn it in at the end of class.” You smile before heading back to your desk.

It wasn’t long until the end of the day approached and the afternoon announcements came over the loudspeaker. After they were over, your students started turning in their papers to your desk.

“Ms. Y/L/N?”

“Yeah, Sam?”

“Um-” they looked back at their small group of friends who seemed to be encouraging them. You smiled, waiting for them to continue, “Did you and Mr. Osterfield break up?”

“Oh my god, Sam. You can’t ask that!” Hannah gasped from her desk. The classroom seemed to suddenly get very quiet. The color drained from your face and you were thankful there were only minutes left in the school day.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. No, we haven’t broken up. But that’s all I’m going to say because this is a personal matter and not something to discuss with our students.” Sam smiled sheepishly before returning to their desk.

“I’m glad you didn’t break up.” Carter, one of your typically quieter students, commented.

“Me too. You two are better together than Laurie and Amy.” Megan remarked as other students nodded.

Thankfully, the bell rang before you needed to make any reply. “Thanks guys. See you all tomorrow.” You told them while ushering everyone out the door. You headed back to your desk when you heard the door shut. Wondering who and what it was, you whipped around.

“Harrison.”

“We need to talk.”

“We can’t do this here. And now.”

“If not here and now then when? I know you’ve been avoiding me and I can’t stand not seeing you or talking to you any longer.”

You hated conflict. You hated not being able to control your feelings in moments like this.

“Harrison.” You turned around to face your desk. Your emotions were a confusing cocktail inside of you. You pinched the bridge of your nose, trying to pick somewhere to begin.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I know you don’t like being cornered like this, but I didn’t know how else to talk to you. And I’m sorry about this weekend and the things I said and the way I acted. I didn’t mean it. I love you and would never want to hurt you. And I’m sorry I let you avoid me this long as I sat there and did nothing. I should have come to you sooner. I’m sorry I didn’t. But I’m here now, will you please talk to me?” You bowed your head, taking in everything he just said. “Will you at least look at me?”

You turned to face him with tears brimming in your eyes. “Oh Y/N.” he stepped closer, but stopped short in front of you. Unsure if he was allowed to hold you still. Unsure where you stood.

You gave him the answer by reaching out and pulling him in. He quickly wrapped his arms around you.

“I’m sorry too. I should have just talked to you sooner, I’m sorry.”

“Oh love.” He kissed the top of your hair while holding you in his arms for a moment. “Are we okay?” He asked, holding your face in his hands as you stepped back.

You nodded and sniffled, letting your tears subside. “Yeah. If anything, this has shown me how much I enjoy being with you. I don’t want to not talk to you again. You are what matters most. Not winning silly arguments.”

“I couldn’t agree more. How about I take you home and we make up for lost time?”

“Harrison!” You hid your face in his chest and giggled. He just smirked before picking up your chin with his finger and kissing you yet again. “Well, I drove my own car so I guess I’ll take myself home.” You reminded him while you gathered your things.

“Just for today, love.” He said as he took your heavy work bag from your arm. “Tomorrow, I’ll be there with your tea, a blueberry muffin and a ride to work.”

“Back as things should be, yeah?” You both walked to the door of your classroom, turning off the lights and locking up for the day.

“Back as things should be.” He gave you a quick peck outside your classroom door, knowing you could now possibly be seen by students. You weren’t though, they were long gone.

Tom, however, saw the brief exchange and smiled to himself, ‘lesson learned.’

#harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield fanfic #harrison osterfield one shot #harrison osterfeild x reader #harrison osterfeild fluff #harrison osterfield blurb #harrison osterfield x y/n #Harrison osterfield angst #teacher!Haz #teacher!harrison x y/n #teacher!harrison x reader #teacher!harrison #teacher!reader #teacher!au

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caffeine-and-melatonin · 3 years

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✨Bad Batch S1 Finale Pt 1 Spoilers✨

AHHHHHHHHHHHH Y'ALL AHHHHHHHHHH SEND HELP

Let's look at the absolute chaos that was my train of thought during this episode...

- A trap? Right away? No build up? Only stress? Yeah this is gonna hurt my feelings a whole lot isn't it

- Speaking of hurt feelings, Cross looking Hunter square in the face and saying that they would come him makes me wanna cry. Like the fact that Cross is fully aware of gravity of them leaving him behind and the fact very clearly upset him UPSETS ME!!!! I just want him to be safe why is that so much to ask for

-ECHOOOOO!!! Look at him go! being all level headed and further stepping up as a leader! I'm so proud of that sweet boy

-Tech...back at it again...laying down underneath a control panel (how long until the edits come out? Just wanna make sure my schedule is clear)

- Lol something about Gregor hanging out with Cid is VERY funny to me

- Ahhhhhhhhhhh Kamino.....y'all I'm so scared

-Fuck you Rampart

- HOLD UP!!!!! FORESHADOWING??? ARE WE GETTING CROSS BACK??? PLEASE???

- Something about Echo asking where the rest of the fleet is doesn't sit right with me

- Tech's gentle tone while he talks to Omega is just so 🥰

- Serious shout out to the animators!

- Ok hidden elevator tube thing is pretty cool looking

- ECHO CHECKING IN ON OMEGA!!! FEELINGS!!! EMOTIONS!!! AHHHHHH!!!

- Adding to the list of things that hurt my feelings, Omega having to push her trauma aside in order to save her brother....wtf filoni why must you do this

- Me: *sees TK trooper standing in the control room....thinks about Shaak Ti* HOW DARE YOU STAND WHERE SHE STOOD!!!!!!!

- "They don't leave their own behind...most of the time." AHHHH SHIT NO CROSS SAD HECK NO BIG UPSET

- "We didn't have a choice." "And I did?" I AM NOT OK RIGHT NOW I DON'T THINK Y'ALL UNDERSTAND

- Hold up is that why no one ever saw Omega? Because she could only move around via the tube system?

- Wait she was there????? That's why she knew so much about them from the beginning. The poor baby was separated from her brothers.

- Hi AZI!

- Crosshair's sigh before he said it was time to go....BRAIN VERY FULL. Is he gonna? Is he? Y'all?????

- Agh seriously the extra wide shots in this show are just immaculate

- Tech, my love, the last time you said you all were gonna do something he wouldn't expect, Cross was all like "Teehee gotcha bitch"

- BOYS DON'T GO UP THERE!!! FISH IN A BARREL! REPEAT! FISH IN A BARREL!

- REX??? IS REX GONNA POST UP??? PLEASE

- I'm living for Cross with dialogue. The pure sass and sarcasm from that man is just *chef's kiss*

- Omega...sweetie...not the murder bots...the boys are still up there

- "We're loyal to each other." "You weren't loyal to ME."

- The fact that we have gotten more character development for Cross in like 10 mins then we have the whole season is...interesting, but somehow it works. I'm not complaining by any means

- Pls don't shoot the baby

- THE MIRRORS!!! CROSS!!! YOU ARROGANT SOB!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!

- THE WAY I CALLED CROSS BEING ALL LIKE "IF MY BROTHERS WON'T SAVE ME I'LL JUST DO IT MYSELF"

- Direct shot from Omega! Look at her go! Echo must be so proud!

- THE THEME MUSIC WHEN CROSS STARTED HELPING THEM TAKE DOWN THE DROIDS!!!!!

- Hunter....growling....while talking down a murder bot....with only a knife....hmmmmmm

- He didn't get his chip out. There's no way. The Empire would never willing give up having control over him. Why would he say that? I'm not ok with this. That's it! Add that to the list of things that hurt my feelings

- Hunter finally being visibly worried about Cross...thank god we finally got something

- STUN ROUND!!!!! HE'S FINALLY COMING HOME!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

- For crying out loud Hunter, respectfully, just hug the damn child it's not that hard

-"You did the same for me." CALL BACK TO THE RYLOTH EPISODE

- Hunter doing the right thing and not second guessing the decision + Omega looking at him and acknowledging it is fantastic. It's such a brief moment but it's so important

- AND NOW THE THING THAT HURT MY FEELINGS THE MOST: THE DRAMATIC MUSIC AND THE SHOTS OF DIFFERENT PLACES AROUND THE CITY! like it's so beautifully done but also fucking hell they really did just blow that place up

- If Crosshair really did think the Empire cared about him, what's he gonna think when he finds out that they open fired on the city while he was still there?

So normally I do a "final thoughts" section at the end of these things, but I think I'm gonna save that for either after pt 2 or I honestly might just do a season wrap up later, so look for that next week.

But yeah this episode was so well written. A lot of it hurt my feelings, but I'm not mad ya know what I mean? Anyway this is gonna be a long week before pt 2...I'm already stressed out.

(PS thank the maker they announced that season 2 is happening because I don't think I could physically handle them pulling a Rogue One)

#the bad batch #the bad batch spoilers #tbb #tbb spoilers #bad batch #bad batch spoilers

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horansqueen · 3 years

Text

Stuck With You - Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Some Say

🡪chapter 1 🡪chapter 2 🡪chapter 3 🡪chapter 4 🡪chapter 5 🡪chapter 6 🡪chapter 7 🡪chapter 8 🡪chapter 9 🡪chapter 10 🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

I will find the time, we will find the timing 'Cause you are on my mind, I hope that you don't mind it

And I know it might sound stupid but for me, yeah yeah I just gotta keep believing and I've heard

Some say you will love me one day And I will wait, I will wait to get your loving one day Just say you will love me one day And I will wait, I will wait to get your loving one day

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I felt my heart threaten to jump out of my chest as we both stood motionless. Niall's eyes met mine and I shook my head slightly.

"No..." I whispered, suddenly finding back the use of my legs and taking the few steps separating me from the buttons. "Fuck, no."

I started hitting all the buttons as my heart was racing until I felt Niall's presence next to me. He put his hands over mine to stop me and grabbed my fingers, pulling gently on them to make me turn around.

"Devon.."

I looked up in his eyes and for a reason I ignored, it calmed me immediately. I blinked a few times, barely believing that once again, I was stuck somewhere with Niall, and I was starting to wonder if it wasn't a joke from fate. Someone out there was probably having a laugh from locking us together and I just closed my eyes and sighed.

I was trying to sober up but it wasn't easy, and when I opened my eyes again, I could swear I saw anxiety the way Niall was looking at me. He gripped my fingers tighter and all the anger I felt towards him faltered, almost disappearing.

"Okay, I'll call Lewis."

He let go of my hands, making my arms fall on each sides of my body as I watched him. Quickly, he grabbed his phone from his pocket, almost drpping it, and composed a number after putting his phone on speaker. It took half a minute for Lewis to answer, and I was feeling more and more nervous with every ring.

"Maaate, where are you? It's complete darkness here! Even the lights outside are off."

Niall glanced up at me before looking back down at his phone and licked his lips. I didn't know if it was the alcohol running in my veins but I ended up staring at his mouth for way too long and took a step closer.

"Okay you need to call your landlord, I'm literally stuck in the elevator." Niall quickly explained, ignoring everything his friend told him.

"You are?" Lewis asked before bursting into laughter. "What were you even doing there?"

This time, Niall looked up in my eyes and his lips parted. "I'm.. I'm here with Devon."

"Wait wait, you're stuck in the elevator with Devon?"

Once again, he started laughing so loud I actually moved my upper body slightly back, as if it would change anything. Niall just rolled his eyes and sighed, waiting for him to stop laughing.

"Come on, just call your landlord will you?"

"Everyone here started doing nasty things everywhere in the dark." Lewis added with a chuckle. "And Mandy is looking for you."

My heart dropped in my chest and Niall's gaze moved away from mine, avoiding it. "Lewis, you know I can't stay here okay, call someone. I don't care if it's the fucking police okay? You get someone to make that fuckin' elevator work again!"

Once again, his words hurt me more than they were supposed to. Was being locked with me that bad that he couldn't handle it even just a few minutes? Or was he just too impatient to go find Mandy?

"Yea yea, no worries, i'm on it. I'll text you about it." Lewis replied as I took a few steps back slowly and leaned again the wall. He started laughing again and I heard Niall sigh for a second time. "I can't believe you're stuck there with Devon! This is the most hilarious shit that happened tonight!"

I didn't understand why it was so funny but perhaps Lewis was just too drunk to be coherent, or I was too drunk to get the joke.

"Yea. Hilarious." Niall let out sarcastically.

"Oh hey mate while you're there, maybe you could tell Devon about-"

I held my breath when Niall took off the speakers and brought his phone to his ear before turning his back to me. It made me frown, wondering what Lewis was about to say that was so bad that Niall didn't want me to hear. Was he asking Niall to tell me how much I annoyed him? If that was the case, it was clearly not necessary. I knew I had been annoying Niall since day 1 and I probably always would. It was true, he has actually been kind with me in the past 24 hours and I was still not sure why, but he had been rude and mean to me way more often than not. Of course, he had kissed me twice also, and those were moves I still didn't really understand.

"Shut up and get us out of here!"

He hung up quickly and turned back to me, his eyes now roaming on me as I leaned my head against the wall. "What was so funny?"

"Nothing. He's just pissed."

"Are you impatient to get out of here so you can go back to her and let her literally sex-kiss you in front of everyone?"

His lips curled slightly on the right in an amused smile. "Sex-kiss me?" he repeated, raising his eyebrows.

"Yea. Pushing her tongue so deep on your mouth and making sex sounds."

"Is that what she did back there?" he asked, his smirk growing as he took a step closer.

"You should know it. She's probably not the first or last girl you'll be having sex with." I pointed out rudely, making him lose his smile and frown.

"Okay, what does that mean exactly?" he asked cautiously as I nodded. "Are you slut-shaming me?"

His expression surprised me but I just shrugged. "Tell me I'm wrong."

He scoffed and shook his head, placing himself in front of me, forcing me to raise my chin up to look in his eyes. "So basically you think I sleep with every single girl I meet? That I just see a pretty girl and kiss her or bring her to my bed to shag her? You don't know shit about me but you just judge me and decide what kind of person I am by just looking at me?"

"She doesn't even have to be pretty." I pointed out, feeling my heart jump at my confession.

It took him a few seconds to understand and his face changed. His shoulders moved down and he seemed to relax slightly, closing his eyes for a few seconds and sighing again. When his eyes met mine, I could tell he knew I was talking about myself. I could read it in the way he was looking at me.

"For your information, Mandy is the only girl I slept with since... well, she's the only girl I slept with in over a year. Happy?"

No, I was not happy. The fact that he literally only had sex with her made everything even worse. It was impossible to shag someone for so long without developing some sort of feelings for them.

"Why did Lewis say you'd kill him if he accepted that I moved in with him?"

Niall turned around and grabbed his phone, checking to see if he got a text message. "Because Lewis is an idiot, that's why." he looked up and stared at me for a while. I could feel he was a bit angry at me and I was not sure why but I probably deserved it. "Why were you leaving?"

"Because." I just replied in a low tone, looking away.

I wrapped my arms around myself like this move could shield me from his words, from his questions, and from his eyes.

"Because what?" he insisted a bit louder. "I answer your questions now it's your turn!"

"Because you.. you kiss me! And you.. you press your body on me and, and and your cock is pressing on my thigh! And you pull away and leave like it didn't matter! Like you do that to random girls all the fucking time! And you like my instagram posts in less than a minute like you actually turned the fucking notifications on! And then you invite me here like we're friends or some bullshit like that! But this girl is all over you and she literally makes out with you in front of everyone!"

I felt my heart beat so hard in my chest that it throbbed all over my body. Normally, I'd be ashamed of all the things I had just thrown at him but at the moment, stuck in an elevator and totally drunk, I really didn't care. In fact, it made me feel better than I thought it would.

"You know you're making no sense right now."

"Oh shut up!"

We remained motionless and silent for a few minutes and he finally moved back to lean on the other wall, his arms crossed on his chest. I finally let myself slide down against the wall until my butt touched the floor and sighed loud.

"I don't do that all the time, okay." he finally talked. "It just... It just happened!"

"Twice?"

"Yes ok? It just happened twice!" I didn't answer but simply rolled my eyes and he continued. "And about instagram, well I just happened to be scrolling through it."

"Right."

I sighed low and closed my eyes, trying to empty my mind from all of this, but after a few minutes, I heard him curse low. I opened my eyes and he was crouching down, his face looking at the floor, and it made me frown.

"Niall?" I moved my head, trying to see him better. "Are you alright?"

I watched as he gripped the back of his head with his hands and let out a short groan as I felt my heart skip a beat. I crawled to him on my knees slowly and finally sat on my legs, tilting my upper body a bit. It was making me nervous and the fact that I was so drunk that everything seemed to be slightly moving around me didn't help.

"Seriously, Niall, what's wrong?"

"Lewis texted me and said that we may be stuck here for a while and I just..." he seemed panicked and held my breath. "I'm.. I'm claustrophobic okay?"

Out of anything he could have told me, that was one thing I didn't expect at all. I put my back straight again and my lips parted. I shook my head a bit and licked my lips before looking at his hands as they gripped his own hair.

"But we've been stuck together in places before..."

"The basement of the library was big, and there was a window in the bathroom." he pointed out very quickly.

So the reason he wanted to be out of here as soon as possible was not because he couldn't stand to be with me, or because he wanted to see Mandy. I felt extra guilty for thinking about that at that exact moment and shook my head, trying to get rid of that thought.

"What am I... what should I do? How can I help?"

He didn't answer, he just let himself fall on his butt, his legs spread, and leaned his head against the wall, his eyes shut. I placed my hand gently on his shoulder and his eyes fluttered open. He seemed so fucked I thought he could pass out.

"Hey, look at me, okay?" I whispered, raising my eyebrows. "We can breathe together. Okay?"

He blinked a few times and nodded. I searched for his fingers and grabbed them, licking my lips. I was getting nervous too, and I honestly had no idea what to do to help him.

"Nothing's gonna happen to us, okay? So when I squeeze your fingers, we slowly breathe in, and when I stop we breathe out."

"Okay."

We did this for a few minutes but stress was slowly invading me and after a while, he finally closed his eyes again.

"Help me change my mind, Devie, I need to think about something else than the fact that we're stuck here." he let out a bit louder.

"I don't... I don't know what to do." I admitted, feeling myself tear up at how powerless I was.

"Anything, just, do something!" he insisted, making my heartbeats accelerate suddenly.

That's when it happened. I just crashed my mouth against his. My lips pressed on his but after a few seconds, my body relaxed a bit and so did my lips. I closed my eyes and pulled away slowly, feeling extremely stupid.

"Why did you do that?" he asked as I opened my eyes again. My gaze softened despite myself when it met his and he shook his head a bit.

"I don't know." I admitted in a whisper. "It's the first thing that came to my mind."

"Do it again."

"What?" I breathed out, my eyes getting bigger.

"Do it again." he repeated just as low. "Please."

My lips parted and I started panting as my heart thumped hard in my chest, so hard that I felt like it wanted to escape. I moved closer again, tilting my head slightly and brushing my lips against his. Every single time I felt Niall's lips against mine, it was driving me insane, and now that we were both not only drunk but also in a crisis situation, I felt every single pore of my skin shaking. His lips were warm and wet and I kissed him a bit harder. I don't know what suddenly got into me but quickly, my lips parted his and I made the kiss grow deeper. I thought it would surprise him as much as it surprised me but it took only half a second for his arms to wrap around me before he pulled me closer. I moved my knees on each side of him as I felt his fingers sink in the skin of my back through my clothes. He tasted amazing and I let a whimper escape my lips without shame as I sat on him, grinding down against him. It made me feel so dizzy I started seeing yellow spots behind my eyelids and I knew it was not the alcohol this time. It was him. It was always him.

I slid my fingers in his hair just as one of his hands reached for the bottom of my shirt, slipping under it and reaching for my breast. My lips parted again and I whispered a low 'Oh my god' as I pressed my legs more on the sides of his thighs. His fingers grabbed one cup of my bra and pulled it down a bit. I felt his knuckles rub against my nipple and I kissed him again hard, shutting my eyes tight and barely controlling my own body anymore. I could feel my inner thighs throb even harder and I pressed myself on him again, feeling his cock swell between my legs.

That was not what I had expected at all but I didn't want to stop. It's only when I heard him whisper my name as his free hand traveled down my back to reach my ass that I snapped out of it. I moved away slowly, my lips still parted as i panted, and waited for him to open his eyes. We stared at each other and I finally licked my lips as he leaned his head back on the wall, his eyes never leaving mine.

"I'm sorry." I murmured. "It probably didn't help you much."

He chuckled and his lips curled enough to show me his teeth as he shook his head slightly. "Actually, it did."

"Really?"

"Devie, it's hard to think about being locked in a confined place when your dick is hard."

I pressed my lips together, trying not to laugh too, and his hand slipped out of my shirt to fall on my thigh. That position, I had dreamed of it since the first day I met Niall, and I didn't want to move away. He let his fingers trace a few shapes on my jeans and my eyes fluttered at how soft he was being with me. He brought his free hand and moved a lock of my hair behind my ear before letting one of his fingertips brush against my jaw and down my neck before sliding between my breasts. His hand finally reached for my other thigh and he squeezed both at the same time.

I couldn't pretend my inner thighs weren't throbbing anymore, but somehow, it was for an other reason. I had never been excited like that by someone being so soft and gentle with me but it made me want to kiss him again.

"Thank you." he whispered as one of his hands left my thigh to move behind my head.

He pushed me gently to him and I let him. There was nothing I wanted more than to kiss him again and when my face got close enough to his, he kissed me softly and slowly a few times. I tried to remain motionless and eyes closed, focusing on the way his warm lips peppered tender kisses on my mouth as his fingers played in my hair. It was an incredible contrast with the last kiss we just had but I enjoyed it just as much.

"Niall, why do you-"

I was cut by the sound of his phone and he sighed as I moved back to give him space. He grabbed his phone on the floor and checked the message he had just received before looked back in my eyes.

"They'll put back the power any minute now."

As if on cue, the lights changed and the power came back. I remained sitting on him as the elevator brought us to the main floor and felt my heart sink in my chest. The moment was almost over and all that would be left of it would be the memory playing over and over in my head probably forever.

"Come on, Devie." he said in a low tone. "Let's get some fresh air okay? I really need it."

I nodded and got up in silence, holding out my hand to him to help him up too. He rubbed his sweaty hands on his jeans and we got out. It was still warm outside despite that time of the year and we started walking in silence. I kept glancing at him as we wandered around the streets and he was focusing on his feet, his hands in his pockets.

"Are you ever gonna share your story with me?"

Hearing his voice again made my heart jump in my chest. "My story?"

"Yes, You know about the girl who broke my heart, partly because of Louis." he explained, turning to look at me for a few seconds. "But you never told me who broke your heart."

I brought my arms around myself as a shiver crossed my back. I hadn't shared that with anyone but somehow, I wanted to share it with Niall. It's not that I felt like I owed him, it's just that if anyone could understand what it felt to be betrayed, it was him.

"When I started my second year at my old college, I met this guy... he was my professor and he was everything anyone could wish for. He was hot, smart and funny. Everyone was in love with him and I was head over heels." I scoffed and rolled my eyes at the thought. "He showed interest in me and I.. I couldn't believe it, you know? With all the gorgeous, perfectly-shaped and sexy girls in that school, he still had picked me."

I could feel Niall's eyes on me and he started walking slower. I followed his pace and breathed in before sighing.

"So we started seeing each other in secret. I was.. in heaven. I thought it was real, you know? I thought we had something great, something epic. And someone caught us. So he denied me. He denied our story, and he broke my heart. I changed school because everyone knew, everyone talked behind my back, everyone pointed their fingers at me and whispered when I walked by. The person who caught us literally told everyone."

"That's shitty of them."

"It was my best friend." I admitted, raising my eyebrows and sighing.

"Ouch."

"Mmhm."

"So you really loved him? Your teacher?" Niall asked after he stopped walking and turned to face me.

I realized we were back in front of Lewis' apartment building and I swallowed hard. "Yes. But I was just one of the girls he slept with. Found out the hard way."

Niall took a step closer and I tilted my chin up to keep my eyes locked with his. Once again, he moved a lock of my hair behind my ear as one of his fell on his forehead. "He didn't deserve you."

"Just like your ex girlfriend didn't deserve you."

His lips curled slightly on the right in a mix of melancholy and softness and he finally sighed.

"Come on, Devie, let's go get a rest. We're both too drunk to drive and I'm exhausted."

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frostsinth · 3 years

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Burdened by the Stars - Pt. 1

Huzzah! A new story! I have had this one in my thoughts since about halfway through Royal Flush, and am happy to finally get it underway. I’ve already got most of the next part written, so I hope to keep ahead of myself that way I can post more regularly again.

Please enjoy this new (and old!) cast of wonderful characters. Tell me what you think! Drop an ask, reblog, or comment! Check out my MasterList for more of my stories, and please feel free to BuyMeACoffee while you are there to help out.

All the best!

The sun was a blessing warmth that day, shining bright in a clear blue cloudless sky. The gardens looked almost endless, and I had to admit I was impressed with the gardeners’ skill to maintain such a vibrant green despite it being nearly the middle of winter. Of course, a fair bit of that was due to the addition of a pair of goblin gardeners a few years back, who imbued some of their innate magic to make the gardens far more beautiful year round than they had ever been. With their aid, the grass grew thicker and greener. The blooms grew larger and more colorful. Everything seemed to have a beautiful sparkling splendor.

Despite the loveliness of the gardens, and their impressive expanse, I was, as always, innately aware of the towering white stone walls surrounding it. One would have to squint to see them from where I stood, but I felt their press as plainly as if I were standing in a four by four box. My own personal gilded prison.

Not that those walls had ever succeeded in keeping me in for long, I thought to myself with a tickle of amusement, crossing my arms as I watched my two Ladies in Waiting struggle to notch their arrows. I had never found it too much trouble to sneak out when I put my mind to it. But I would give my older brother some credit, as he had gotten quite good at two things over the years; convincing me to stay in, and, when that failed, hunting me down to drag me back.

Honestly, I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. I just wanted to explore! I wanted to see far off places and go on adventures of my own! Nothing ever happened at the castle! There was only ever stuffy, boring nobles and endless soirees and balls and galas. I had no head for politics, no patience for court affairs, no interest in parties. I couldn’t sit still long enough for anyone’s satisfaction, nor did I like wearing the fancy dresses. Certainly I was often told I was clever enough to outwit most anyone, but I just lacked the focus. It was a hollow old song who’s tune had long run dry to my ears.

My brother did try. He was always trying to engage me in court life. And I knew he wanted me to be happy, in his own way. He just didn’t understand my wanderlust and adventuring spirit. He loved being King, and running the country. And he was good at it; the best in centuries many said. Our Kingdom prospered, our people flourished. For him, there was nothing more exciting than negotiating contracts, solving disputes, or meeting foreign dignitaries. He would try to appeal to my curious nature. Come meet this fellow, my brother would say, he’s from the far off Kingdom of somewhere or other. He’ll tell you all sorts of fascinating stories!

...They were never interesting people. I could almost predict how quickly I would become bored with them by how highly my brother sang their praises before I met them. But we had vastly different tastes, my brother and I. Though when I was younger, I had always admired him. My serious and indomitable older brother, more than 20 years my senior. Still, despite his cold and stoney exterior to the outside world, he was the one who had taught me to shoot a bow. And he had always been there to support me, whatever new interest or hobby I picked up each week. He made a point to spend almost every dinner with me, and to listen to everything I had to say. But when he looked at me, he still saw a Princess. A fine Lady of the Court, not a discontent prisoner. And the older I got, the less and less he seemed to see it.

This afternoon I was especially restless, as I knew it would be soon time to go to the castle where I usually spent the winter months. My travel had been delayed this year due to weather, and I was anxious to be leaving. Especially as my older brother and his spouse had a few younger foreign nobles that they seemed particularly interested in pressing into my company. I nearly groaned at the memory of them. Boring, all of them! One was from a fishing kingdom, but he had never met a pirate! Nor did he even seem remotely interested in discussing them. Another journeyed from beyond the mountains, near the deserts of Sandspire. And yet seemed more prepared to wax poetic about my hair than discuss the inter politics between his Kingdom and the Nessiim.

“Your Highness!” Called one of my Ladies, waving her little arm at me and bouncing up and down in her overly sparkly shoes. “Did you see that shot? I believe I’m getting better!”

I waved my hand back to the small goblin standing a few yards away, smiling. “Keep your elbow tight, Safa, and you’ll hit the target every time!”

My other Lady, Lisbet, giggled behind one delicately gloved hand, giving Safa a light and playful shove and saying something I couldn’t quite hear from the garden gate where I stood. The goblin squealed, her grey-green skin becoming flushed far darker than before, and attempting to poke her human counterpart with the end of her bow. Lisbet merely laughed louder, swatting her back with her own. They were doing well. Neither had much of a hand for such things; their arms were far too unpracticed at pulling the bowstring, and their fine clothes tended to get in the way. But still, it was amusing to see them try. And it never hurt that they might learn a thing or two in the process.

I watched them quietly for a few minutes, leaning over the short wooden fence that separated the open field where we had set up a makeshift target practice from the vegetable garden the kitchen utilized. The two had been incredibly good sports about entertaining me today; both willing to look like absolute fools as they attempted to replicate one of my favorite pastimes. I knew they weren’t trying very seriously anymore, but I didn’t mind. I rubbed my hands together, clearing the dirt from my palms left over from picking some produce for our afternoon snack. Cucumbers and melons were always more delicious picked straight from the vine. I considered my bounty, sighing deeply to myself. It certainly wasn’t all bad being Princess. I knew I should be grateful for living in such a beautiful white stone castle, being waited on hand and foot without a care in the world. And I was!

But I swore I would trade it all for just one great adventure.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I almost didn’t hear the soft crunch of boots on the gravel behind me. Originally I must have passed it off as just a servant running an errand on the path lining the outside of the garden or a guard making their rounds. Then a large, broad shadow passed over me, bigger than any I was sure I had ever seen before, and I spun in surprise.

The man standing behind me was tall. Taller than me, taller than either of my older brothers who were not small people. I ventured to guess he was close to seven feet, either just shy of or just over. His shoulders were broad, almost the width of two men standing side by side. And their breadth was certainly no illusion of his clothes, seeing as he wore next to none. His chest and shoulders were bare save for a dark leather pauldron on one side with a pair of thick straps that were cinched tight to his muscular torso. About his waist he had heavy furs wound back and forth into layers from his hips down to nearly his knees, but I could see his thick thighs through the slashes cut into either side to allow ease of movement. He also boasted a huge axe strapped to his back, possibly as long as I was tall, and a matching dagger on each hip.

Certainly this man was no castle guard, based upon his garb alone, but despite all that, it was not his clothing nor weapons nor size that made my eyebrows flick up in surprise. The man’s flesh (most of which was quite visible to my curious eye) was a deep, yellowish green. Like a lemon still halfway to ripening, though a fair bit darker than one. Besides that, and his broad, flat nose, as well as the mohawk of hair neatly braided down the top center of his head with short shaved sides, a pair of sharp looking little tusks protruded out from behind his lower lip.

The greenish skin and prominent brow originally had me thinking ‘goblin’. But combined with the small tusks and his gargantuan size? I quickly corrected that to ‘orc’. Though this was only a homely guesstimate, as I had never met a real orc before. A pair of bright green emerald eyes settled on me briefly as he approached, then flicked over my shoulder to consider my Ladies. Perhaps I should have been afraid of him, or at the very least wary. Yet instead I found myself intrigued. He carried himself with a slow saunter, confident, but not aggressive. And though he looked completely out of place in his furs amid the polished stones of the fine castle, he didn’t seem particularly on edge himself. Perhaps a bit exasperated, but otherwise relaxed. I shifted, cocking one hip and leaving just one brow raised. Wondering just exactly who this man was, and why he was wandering around inside the castle grounds unaccompanied.

He paused beside me, and I considered him from head to toe as he placed his meaty hands on either hip. I watched him looking over my Ladies again, then he jerked his rounded chin at them.

“Which one of them is the goblin Princess?” He asked, his voice thick with an accent I had never heard before.

I almost laughed out loud at his question, privy to information he apparently was not that made it intensely humorous. But I quickly hid my smirk and turned to consider my two Ladies in Waiting with him. Certainly they looked quite regal and elegant; Safa always preferred large poofy dresses, most almost twice her size, despite how much I preached their impracticality. She also boasted an over the top hairstyle that was the current goblin fashion and gave her an extra inch or two on her height. Meanwhile Lisbet, who’s tastes were much more subdued, looked no less refined in her lovely scarlet frock on top of cream and pink skirts that brushed the grass as she walked. She had also done up her hair in a delicate braid, with a few long cherry blonde curls flowing loose over her shoulders. Both had more than a few bobbles and bangles, and they squeaked and squealed like typical high class ladies who had never needed to worry about a thing in life.

“That depends on who’s asking.” I returned to the stranger, leaning back forward on the gate again over my crossed arms.

The young man gave a snort, and shot me a look out the corner of his eye. I wondered if he was appraising me now. In comparison to the bright and decadent Ladies across the way, I was sure I looked quite plain. A cream colored sleeveless blouse that looped around my neck and a soft lavender skirt complimented my dark umber skin. Topped with my soft white fur shawl to keep off the chill that I had pushed back out the way of my arms while I worked. My own hair, a wild auburn that was so dark it was nearly black, was pulled out of my face with a simple maroon ribbon and nothing more. It spilled around my head in an untamed cloud of softness, each tiny curly fluffed out to be almost indistinguishable from the next without close inspection.

“I mean her no harm,” he assured me after a moment, “I have come very far seeking to be heard by the King.”

I looked him over again, and couldn’t help feeling my curiosity having been thoroughly piqued. “And what does that have to do with the Princess?”

“Who are you to her?” He growled. At first I was surprised by the tone, but I quickly realized it was not in an unfriendly manner. It was almost a secondary quality to his deep voice and thick accent.

“Oh, we’re very close.” I confided in him, nodding conspiratorially to hide the twitch of my continued amusement. “She doesn’t do anything without taking my counsel first.”

“Hmm.” Green eyes turned back to consider me more carefully, and I could see the same spark of interest in his own eyes. “And you would help me?”

“Depends on what you need help with, I suppose.” I mused in return.

He sighed heavily, then took his hands from his hips and crossed them over his chest. “I’ve come to speak for an alliance between my people and the humans. The King is… reluctant.” He jerked his chin at Safa and Lisbet again. “But if I marry the Princess, I can change that.”

I nearly fell over in disbelief. “You want to marry the Princess??”

He scoffed, his brow scrunching up angrily. “What? An orc can not marry a Princess?”

I laughed, unable to contain the ridiculousness of his proposal. “Is that what you are then? An orc?” I scoffed at him myself, my voice becoming heated. “And I can’t believe Val… erm, I mean, the King, would even suggest that!”

“Yeah, I’m an orc!” The big beast shot back proudly, then hesitated to reach up one hand and rub the back of his neck sheepishly. “Well, half orc, anyways. And King Valeri-whatsit didn’t exactly suggest marrying the Princess… I did.” He glanced at me out the corner of his eye once more. “And he would have laughed me out of the room too. But I think he might be half stone.... He’s hard to read.” He grumbled and shifted his weight. “So what’s her problem? Who am I rescuing her from?”

“Rescuing her?” I exclaimed, still off balanced from his first admittance to begin wrapping my head around his second question.

“Princesses always need rescuing.” He pointed out patiently, as if it were a common fact of life. “Is there a monster here? Or some… riddle or something that she can’t solve?”

I hid a smirk, shaking my head. “Nope. Nothing like that around here.” I kicked the fence with my toe. “Just a regular old boring castle.”

He chewed that over for a moment, scratching one finger on his chin as he did. “Hmm. I suppose her brother the King must be secretly wicked or something. Maybe he never lets her leave the castle.”

My eyes jerked up to him in surprise. As I watched though, he seemed to be chewing on his thick lower lip, and his brow was scrunched. Just thinking out loud then. A coincidence he had nearly hit the truth of the matter perfectly square. I glanced back at my oblivious Ladies, then to the half-orc.

“So you fancy yourself her rescuer then?”

He nodded, becoming more confident as he thought about it. “Yeah. I think that’s how it works.” He gave a hefty shrug of his shoulders. “I mean, I don’t want to marry some soft, spoilt Princess, but if I rescue her then the King will have to listen to me.”

I would have groaned, and had to fight hard to resist narrowing my eyes instead. What an arrogant prick! Honestly, who did he think he was! I brushed my hands down the front of my dress, straightening.

“Soft?” I scoffed again. “Spoilt?? And who says she needs rescuing!” I argued bitterly, moving to open the gate beside me. “I think the Princess is quite capable of taking care of herself, thank you very much.”

“Hey, wait!”

I jumped slightly, turning to find his hand scooped around my upper arm. His grip was firm, but gentle, and his skin seemed a warmer color against the contrast of my own. I glanced at it, blinking stupidly for half a second before looking up at his face. He too seemed to realize perhaps he had been a bit forward, and dropped his hand. Suddenly looking more uncertain than I had yet seen him. I paused, considering him. He shifted sheepishly.

“You ah… you said you were going to help me.”

I snorted. “I said that depended on who you were.” I crossed my arms, craning my head back to look up at him with my lips set in a stubborn line. “And you never actually said who you are.”

He gave me a small grin, baring his small tusks at me. I couldn’t suppress the little jump in my pulse at the sight as his whole face lit up with the smile. He stood a little taller, spreading the breadth of his shoulders out then solidified his footing. The stance of a soldier, I noted. A stance my other brother had taught me during our sparring sessions. He looked… big. And I couldn’t deny the impressiveness of his fit body. I realized he was probably about my age, or maybe a year or two older at most. But I shook myself internally as my eyes lingered on him perhaps a moment longer than necessarily appropriate and brought my gaze up to meet his as he opened his mouth to speak.

“I am Erramun Klin’wahid, son of Unvar, of the Broghuz Valley.” He proclaimed proudly, then thudded one fist against his broad chest. I raised one brow, and he tilted his head to the side. “So, now you know me. Will you help me?”

I considered him again, a small frown settling in the corners of my lips. Was I supposed to recognize that name? And how exactly did one get rid of an unwanted orc suitor? I didn’t want to have to call the guard, that was far too dramatic for my tastes. Nor did I think I could wrestle him, given the disproportion of our sizes. I would have to use my wit to win this encounter, and I started to tinker with the notion as soon as I had properly assessed the situation. Then a thought occurred to me, and I had to work hard to hide my smug smirk. Instead, I gave a flourished sigh, placing my hands on my hips. As if I was giving in to his request. His lips twitched eagerly.

“Have you ever heard of the Masiir flower?” I asked him innocently. He shook his head, but his bright green eyes filled with curiosity. “Well, it’s very rare. So rare, it only grows in one place! Out past the craigs of Almayit, deep in the forest of Pyejara.”

“What is the point of this flower? Flowers are useless.” He growled, frowning and sneaking a glance over at my Ladies.

Safa and Lisbet had just noticed our visitor, and I saw them huddling close together fretfully. Whispering quickly to one another. I relaxed my stance, showing them clearly I was not concerned, and hoped they would stay put for the time being. It wouldn’t do for them to reveal my hand to this stranger.

“This particular flower is famed for its beauty.” I explained. “But it grows in such a dangerous place, very few people have ever seen it. If you got one for the Princess, she’d have to talk to you, no?”

Erramun frowned, and looked over at Safa and Lisbet again. “For a flower?”

“Not just any flower!” I insisted, building quickly upon my lie, “The Masiir flower is supposed to be the flower of unity! It’s a symbol! And it’s magic!” I added, because hell, why not? If it got him out of my hair, all the better. “Just look for a big flower with white petals that have purple tips, and a red stem.”

The half-orc ‘hmmed’ deeply, a rumble that seemed to form deep in his broad chest. I saw him glance over at my Ladies again. Perhaps he scowled, but I couldn’t quite tell from my angle. After another bated breath that remained trapped in my throat, he gave a sigh as strong as a gale force breeze.

“I suppose Princesses must really like flowers… And that would make her marry me?”

I would have blanched at the word, had I been working so hard to pretend otherwise. Instead, I had to swallow a bitter sneer at the notion, hiding my disdain for it with an assured nod. “Very few Princesses would be able to refuse you if you brought her back a Masiir flower.”

After a few more quiet moments of deliberation, the man nodded resolutely. “Then I will just have to go get this flower.” He shot a charming smile to the watching Ladies, who erupted into feverish sputters and squeals. “Speak well of me to the Princess, yes? I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Oh, of course, Mister Erramun.” I replied, cupping my hands in front of me as a smug smile tugged at the corners of my lips. More than a little satisfied my ploy had worked so seamlessly.

He thumped his fist across his chest, then reached out and scooped up one of my hands so quickly I almost didn’t notice the gesture. My eyes quickly widened in surprise as the half-orc bent low. Pressing a light but warm kiss to my knuckles. I could feel his small tusks scrape against my skin as he did.

“Thank you for your help.” He told me, still bent over my hand, green eyes dancing in the afternoon sunlight. “I am in your debt.”

I shook my head quickly to hide the slight flush rising to my cheeks. “Think nothing of it. But you should get going!” I tugged my hand quickly from his grasp with the pretense of gesturing towards the main gate. “Almayit is at least a day’s ride from here!”

He smirked a little too smugly for my liking at my rushed words, then looked over my shoulder again. His expression shifting into confusion.

“But who-”

“I must be going, and so should you!” I told him before he could ask. I didn’t want to give him an answer for it. Especially if it might put one of my Ladies in danger in the future. “I’ve already spent far too long lingering here to speak with you.” I waved my hand again. “Off you go! And best of luck.”

I turned, gathering up the basket of melons and cucumbers and scuttling quickly through the gate. I was glad to hear it clunk behind me without delay. Meaning the man had not followed. Still, I didn’t dare look back just yet, though Safa and Lisbet were watching like hawks on my behalf. I stopped a few feet away from them, finally giving in to the burning desire to peek over my shoulder. But Erramun was already almost out of sight. His broad shoulders seemed to catch the sunlight vibrantly as he walked away. Which left the air catching in my throat again. I didn’t realize my Ladies had taken the liberty to close the remaining gap between us until they spoke.

“Your Highness!” came a gaspy breath, and I turned to see Safa with her usual excited bounce peering up at me. “Whoever was that??”

I scoffed, shaking my head and passing her the basket. “Just a fool, that’s who.”

“A handsome fool.” Lisbet added, leaning to look around me and watch the half-orc disappear around the corner. I could see the flash of interest in her honey brown eyes.

“And tall!” Safa added, sounding just as interested.

“Everyone’s tall to you.” Lisbet shot back, which had the smaller goblin lady squealing in displeasure. Lisbet only laughed, then turned back to me. “What did he want then, Your Highness?”

“Eh?” I mumbled, my eyes still stuck on the spot where Erramun had just disappeared. I blinked a few times, then realized what she had asked me. I quickly cleared my throat. “Oh, erm… nothing. He was just lost, I think.”

“He seemed quite smitten with you,” Lisbet teased, taking up my hand and skimming her fingers over my knuckles, “At least based upon that little kiss he gave you.”

I snatched my hand back, scowling at her a little. “Oh posh. I told you, he’s just a fool. Don’t think I’m as boy crazy as you two to fawn over some knuckle kisser.”

They both laughed at that, and after a moment, I couldn’t help my own little smile. Then I cleared my throat, shaking my head.

“Come on.” I told them, turning and marching off back towards the castle. “We’d best get going, the day is not so young anymore!”

I noticed them exchange an alarmed look out the corner of my eye before darting after me.

“Where exactly are we going, Your Highness?” Safa asked breathily. She always was a little winded trying to keep up with our longer legs.

“To the goblin kingdom.” I announced. “I’m tired of waiting for Val to make up his mind that I can go. There hasn’t been new snow on the ground in days. I’m leaving now.”

Especially because I wanted to make sure I was long gone before that Erramun fellow got back. If he did… I felt a pang of unease on having sent him on such a dangerous wild goose chase. I scoffed quietly to myself; he was a big lad. He could handle himself. Or, more likely, he would realize it was just not worth it, and would return to his own lands. Which might be even more the case when he searched in vain for a flower that I had simply created on the spot.

“B-but… But Princess Morgana! King Valerianus said-”

I shook myself loose from Lisbet’s grip as she went to grab for my arm again. “Liz I am 22 years old! I don’t have to wait for my big brothers to decide when to ship me back and forth between them like some annual royal tithe.” I skipped up the castle steps and brazenly shouldered open the door. “I’ve been packed for days now! So if you don’t want to ride horseback the whole way, you might want to go to the stables and have them get the carriage ready.” I spun lightly on one foot, grinning at them as I walked backwards towards the main stairwell. “We leave in an hour.”

Safa groaned lightly, slowing with a huff and placing her free hand on her hip. I laughed, turning around to sprint up the stairs, two at a time. I would have to change into my riding slacks before we could leave, and have the servants bring down my bags. Not to mention my Ladies’ things. But having made the decision after days of restless waiting, I already felt lighter than air.

“Honestly I’m surprised King Valerianus was able to delay her as long as he did.” I heard Lisbet sigh as I rounded the corner at the top.

“We’d better do as she says and get the carriage.” Safa replied. “I am not riding horseback.”

I laughed again, and I heard them both intake a sharp breath of surprise as it echoed about the hall. But I was sure they would recover quickly from their shock. Safa and Lisbet had been my Ladies in Waiting for over a decade. They both knew me well enough to know I preferred they always speak their minds, and not to try and change mine. With the promise of departure lightening my step, I felt my heart skipping with delight. It was almost enough to push the thought of my strange wayward visitor from my thoughts…. Almost.

...

UPDATE: Part two HERE

#slow burn #Burdened by the Stars #new fic #monster romance #monster lover #monster boyfriend #orc #half-orc #monster x human #terato #exophilia #orc lover #orc boyfriend #frenemies #Royal Flush Sequel #li'un ma shkio

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crossdressingdeath · 3 years

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I know you'll probably disagree with me, but i rlly hate the Cloud recessess ending. It's just....

Those elders killed wwx. The Lans were 100% ready to murder both at Qiongqi path but also at the siege. They see him as the guy who corrupted their precious jade. They all preach righteousness, but the whole madam Lan thing is iffy at best and i do not believe that everyone there fully believes the rules. Hell, i have a special bone to pick with the " do not gossip" rule, seeing as gossip had been the main info route for women in patriarchal societies.

I just don't think that after wwx killed Lans in the siege they'd be all that willing to forgive him and take him in w open arms. The juniors and kids love him, yes, but people who saw the war....

Not to mention the whole " do not speak to WWX " rule. I've seen ppl say it's a joke but it's On The Wall. It's supposed to be followed. Even if it was intended as a joke - which i don't believe - it's very cruel for someone w rejection and trust issues.

I also hate it from a very personal perspective. I see Wwx as ND, and, as an ND myself, all those rules terrify me. From the no running and the proper posture ones, i can pretty well imagine they forbid stimming. The Lan curfew would fuck anyone with insomnia and there's smth deeply ucked up abt the " do not grieve in excess". I get that they're supossed to be a paragon of the best things at all time, and that LJY is very UnLan like, but for someone w anxiety who CAN'T follow those rules, it would be a nightmare.

...Some points:

First, the Lan elders did not kill WWX, nor did they attack him unfairly. They weren’t looking at him as the man who corrupted LWJ, either, or at least that wasn’t their primary concern (I will never forgive CQL for suggesting they were or it was); they were looking at him as a traitor to the sects who was raising an army to destroy them. Remember, that is the information the Lans had. Every source they had except for LWJ (who the people he would have gone to would have known was biased and who presumably everyone knew had recently been in close contact with WWX where he could have been manipulated or enchanted in some way), sources which included multiple sect leaders (one of whom was WWX’s brother) and LXC’s dear friend, swore up and down that WWX was a major threat, and let’s face it, WWX didn’t do much to dissuade people from thinking that! Acting like the Lans were maliciously targeting WWX is doing them something of a disservice, I’d say. They acted based on the knowledge they had available; note how the Lans are the first to offer WWX their help once they’re given reason to believe he may not be a villain! And even aside from that, saying they killed WWX (and not JGS and JGY’s manipulation or JC’s army) feels a bit like scapegoating, honestly. Of the four sects, the Lans are quite possibly the least responsible for WWX’s death. If it would hurt him to live with or around anyone who held any responsibility for his death his only option would be to live as a hermit, which would be far worse for him. And yeah, the Lans aren’t perfectly righteous all the time and some morally dubious things have been done by Lan sect members; they’re human, after all! Some of them will only be as moral as their sect leader demands they be! That doesn’t mean the sect as a whole is bad, especially with LXC, LQR and LWJ in charge. Certainly I’d say they’re still better than the other sects, all things considered. One ambiguous situation that may or may not have involved some members of the previous generation doing some fucked up shit doesn’t mean WWX would for sure be mistreated!

As for gossip... there’s a difference between sharing information and gossiping. There’s no evidence that the Lan women are blocked from... y’know, freely communicating and sharing information between themselves. We have no reason to believe they are reliant on gossip. Also they presumably go out night hunting just like the men? Men and women are kept separate in the Cloud Recesses, but I get the sense that that’s more like... school stuff than anything else. The women aren’t exactly locked up, they can be cultivators! The society is still sexist, but that doesn’t mean they’re kept from going out and doing things. And I need to make this clear: there is a fair chance that the rule against gossip saved LWJ’s life, because it kept word of him defending WWX from the sects from spreading to people who would not be willing to let bygones be bygones. Gossip sucks! It hurts people! A lot of this story (and more to the point the suffering of the characters within the story) happens because of gossip! The Lans banning gossip is pretty clearly supposed to be a good thing, I’d say.

And yeah, maybe after WWX killed a bunch of their sect the Lans wouldn’t accept him with open arms as if nothing ever happened! And that’s fair! I can’t imagine where WWX could go where that wouldn’t be the case, unless he and LWJ chose to abandon the cultivation world forever. But you know what else the Lans won’t do? Try to execute him. Or from what we see in the extras even dwell on the past that much. No, the Lans aren’t going to immediately forgive WWX and bring him into the fold without a moment’s hesitation, but you know what? They accept his marriage to LWJ! They let him supervise the juniors on night hunts! They consider him part of their sect! Honestly, that is all WWX can really ask and far more than he’d get from any other sect. There are consequences for what WWX did, even though he wasn’t the villain or necessarily trying to hurt anyone, and frankly people not being entirely comfortable with his presence is very much reasonable.

The “do not speak to WWX” rule may not be a joke, but it’s also pretty clearly not a serious rule. No one takes it seriously. The juniors (the only people WWX really talks to anyway aside from LXC and LWJ) only pay it the minimum lip service of talking to him off the path. WWX himself sure as hell doesn’t care! He clearly finds it pretty damn funny. And I don’t think a guy who has never liked him once again proving he does not like him (in a way that is clearly temporary given how later LQR invites WWX to the Lan family banquet with... reasonable amounts of grace, thereby implicitly accepting him as LWJ’s husband and therefore his own family by marriage) counts as a rejection or a breach of WWX’s trust? Like, LQR has literally always hated WWX. He isn’t preventing WWX and LWJ from spending time together or shutting WWX out of the Cloud Recesses or even making a concentrated effort to keep people from talking to him; he’s venting his frustrations, but if he really intended to block WWX from taking part in life in the Cloud Recesses he would’ve done a hell of a lot more than just make a rule who no one WWX likes follows anyway. It’s a temper tantrum, that’s all, and clearly that’s what WWX takes it as. I mean, if nothing else you can’t ban people from talking to the sect heir’s spouse indefinitely. That’s just not sustainable.

As for the rules... banning people from running in the Cloud Recesses and demanding proper posture during lessons doesn’t suggest to me that they wouldn’t allow stimming? ‘No running’ at least is a common rule... most places. It’s distracting, and can be dangerous. And the rule about sitting properly doesn’t mean “Don’t move at all ever”; it means... well, “sit properly”. Don’t slouch or sprawl across the floor. I see no reason why that wouldn’t preclude means of stimming that wouldn’t be disruptive (and given this is in a classroom environment “not disruptive” is kind of important). I mean, those rules certainly don’t suggest that they’re any worse than other sects, and given this is the sect that has magic music for calming people’s minds if any sect would give allowances for neurodivergence it would be this one. Also I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a song to put people to sleep, or medication that can help; this is a world with magic, after all, and if there’s a song that can put spirits to rest there are probably songs for human medicine and care. And of course there’s an element of conflicting needs; maybe the rules would screw you over, but frankly firmly enforced rules keeping people from running around or sprawling out of their seats would’ve been a godsend for me in school, given how much trouble I had focusing with people making noise around me. At the end of the day, is it guaranteed that the Lans would make allowances for people with needs that conflict with the Lan rules? No. But I’d argue it’s more likely that they would than any other sect. This is ahistorical fantasy ancient China, too; you can only expect so much in the mental health department. Still, a sect that literally invented magic music for calming the mind actually seems like the best choice for people with anxiety and such. There’s a reason why there are multiple fics that essentially set the Lans up as mental health experts in the setting!

Basically, a lot of your arguments seem to be issues that WWX would have in any sect. Unless he wanted to give up on the support of a sect altogether, they’re all things that he would have to work through or come to terms with. And of course... the most important point is that WWX is happy in the Lan sect. The extras make that clear. He has a home, duties that he enjoys performing, the love of his family and the support of his sect. He’s happy. I just... I do not understand why people keep feeling the need to try to make it angsty when the novel makes it clear that he genuinely enjoys his life in Gusu, and more than that that if he ever decided he didn’t enjoy it he could leave at any time. You have to remember that: if WWX wanted to leave... he would. He and LWJ would just go, and only come back occasionally so that LWJ could visit his home. Hell, LWJ would insist on leaving for WWX’s sake. So like... the Lan sect wouldn’t suit everyone, but WWX is quite content there and doesn’t want to leave. He’s happy and free to come and go as he wishes; there really isn’t anything to be concerned about there.

#mdzs #wei wuxian #anon #asks

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underworldobsessed · 3 years

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Secrets Hanging in the Air ll An Obitine Fanfic

Title: Secrets Hanging in the Air Rating: T Ship: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Satine Kryze, Series: ABO Obitine (Part 7 out of ???), TAS Week (Omegaverse week) (Part 4 out of 7) Summary: Written for Temples and Sabers Week. Day 4: Pregnancy ll Obi-Wan gets a panicked call over his commlink from Satine, that she requests his presence on Mandalore as soon as he can get there. He wastes no time in heading out to see her, but the news she has to share brings up a secret she had been hiding since they separated. Author’s Note: This is almost pure angst, especially towards the end. I couldn't help myself. It was right there and I needed to do it. Hope you all enjoy. Also, why can a female alpha get pregnant? Because I want her to and I’m desperately attached to Korkie Kenobi.

Read here or under the cut

He had gotten the call on his commlink, Satine’s panicked voice shaking him to the core. He never heard her sound like that before…

“Obi-Wan, please come home to Mandalore. I… need you right now.” The tone of her voice, the fear, shook him to the core, so he thought little of sneaking to take a ship to Mandalore to see Satine. He knew it would be a bit before he got there so once the autopilot was engaged and the ship was in hyperspace, he called Satine again.

When she picked up, he grew concerned all over again. Her face was pale, eyes sunken in and he immediately thought the worst.

“My darling, I’m in hyperspace right now, I should be there soon, but tell me what’s wrong?” His voice was pleading, begging to find out what was going on with his beloved. He didn’t like not knowing when she was suffering, and with the war still going on he couldn’t be there for her.

“I can’t,” She hiccuped, the tears filling her eyes again. He could see that she was going to cry and it broke his heart. “Obi, I need you here for me to tell you. This just isn’t something to be told over holo.”

He didn’t want to upset her but he didn’t entirely believe that. He wanted her to be honest, he wanted to be there with her now. There were a lot of things that he wanted that he couldn’t do. Not for the first time, he found himself cursing the fact that he was a Jedi and couldn’t be with Satine all the time, especially if she needed him. At least he could tell her life wasn’t in danger. She wouldn’t have hesitated to tell him if she needed more than just him. But her declaration that she needed him was what worried him. She had something to tell him. His hand unconsciously moved to brush against the mating mark on his neck. He wished that their connection would allow for them to tell what was wrong with the other. Alas, not even his abilities with the force could allow him that ability. He could sense her distress through the force and that terrified him.

What was he walking into?

After giving his clearance code, he was directed to land and two of Satine’s personal guards were waiting as he disembarked. This alone put him further on edge. She usually tried to greet him when he landed, but whatever was going on with her was enough to keep her from being there.

“General Kenobi,” One of the guards spoke and nodded towards him. “The Duchess asked if we could meet you down here, and bring her to her private chambers. If you would please follow us.” They started to walk, with Obi-Wan following suit. Every step closer to his beloved’s chambers was a step closer to finding out what was wrong with her, and he could feel the anxiety coiling in his gut. What if she was sick and they only had a short amount of time left? Or what if…?

His thoughts didn’t have a chance to continue that spiral, because they were now standing in front of her chambers and one of the guard members opened the door for him.

“General Kenobi, Duchess,” She announced, letting Obi-Wan in and shutting the door. There was silence for a few moments, as he struggled to spot Satine in the darkness of her bedchambers. Finally, he saw her, curled up on the bed, looking nothing like the Duchess, instead looking like a scared woman, who lifted her head when she was certain they were alone.

He wasted no time in kicking off his shoes, removing the outer layers of his clothes before moving to lay in bed with her. His lips pressed against the mark on her neck.

“Oh my darling, are you alright?” He did well in keeping the fear out of his voice despite how he was feeling. His anxieties only worsened at her silence, at the way he felt her body shake with sobs. He tried to release those anxieties out into the Force like he had done so many times before, but like almost anything else concerning Satine, it was almost impossible. They were so entwined at this point that trying to release it was not going to happen. “Satine, please, allow me to share some of the burden. Let me in, please.”

It took another few minutes before he felt her sobs quiet and she turned over to face him. He could see the tear tracks on her face, that her eyes were bloodshot from this. Whatever it was, must have seriously affected her, and the fears of her being sick again sent his thoughts spiraling. He had promised her that he would leave the jedi order after the war, and now he was worried that he wouldn’t have that long with her.

“Obi… I might be pregnant.” The words now hung in the air, the revelation of this major news caused his head to spin. It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be possible. “I-I’m waiting on the tests from the medical team but I wanted… no I need you with me, Obi.”

“Wha- how?” Obi-Wan’s voice came out strangled, confused. How was this even possible? “Alphas can’t get pregnant. Satine, what’s going on?”

At first, she didn’t say anything, and Obi-Wan worried about what that might mean. What was going on in her mind. “I asked my healers about that, because I’ve been feeling off lately, and the symptoms are there… They said female Alphas are very rarely pregnant, especially by their male Omega. Most pregnancies result in miscarriages or just never implant…” He didn’t know if she realized she was speaking in very scientific terms, almost detached from the whole situation. “But there is a rare chance that they can be carried to term, and if they are, the pregnancy is incredibly high risk..”

He couldn’t wrap his mind around that. He always thought that when the time came for kids, it would be his job to carry the child, as it was the role of the Omega. But the fact that his alpha might be carrying their child… he couldn’t put the thoughts in his mind.

Before he could say anything, though, Satine’s commlink beeped and she reluctantly removed herself from her mate’s arms and moved to answer the call. Obi-Wan sat up and watched as she spoke, unhappy that she was avoiding letting him overhear the conversation. There was something she was hiding from him, more than just the potential child now. Something else, he could feel it, not just in her actions but in the Force as well.

She hung up the communication and moved to sit on the edge of the bed next to him. “I’m not pregnant.” He could hear the relief in her voice, and he could feel himself tense up just a little more. He should be relieved, neither of them were in the position to be parents in the middle of this war, but he could feel that voice still nagging at him that she was still hiding something from him. “They didn’t tell me what it was, but I’m not pregnant.”

“You’re hiding something from me, Satine.” He felt bad for springing it up on her, but he didn’t want their relationship to have that undercurrent of something being wrong. He saw her whole body grow tense. “What’s going on?”

He could tell he struck a nerve, but he couldn’t quite figure out why, until… until she opened her mouth.

“This isn’t the first time this has happened.” She spoke it in such a whisper that he almost didn’t hear her, but when he processed what she said, his heart dropped and nausea bubbled in his stomach. What did she mean that this happened before? “The reason I knew so much wasn’t because I asked… it’s because I’ve been pregnant before.”

“You’ve… been pregnant before? Did you… when was this?” His head spun with this new information. How did he not know? How long ago was this?

“Almost a lifetime it feels like…” Her tone of voice signaled just how much she didn’t want to talk about this. “I got the news of my pregnancy… just after you left to go back to Coruscant.”

“After I,” Oh Force she had been carrying his child. “What happened? Satine, do I have a child?”

There was silence, there was nothing. That gave Obi-Wan the answer he needed, but he knew she would still speak it regardless. He was already moving to leave the bed, searching for his clothes and picking them up.

“You have a son.” Her breath hitched as she spoke, the secret that had been haunting Satine for years finally was out in the open. “Korkie… he is your son.”

Obi-Wan couldn’t be here. He didn’t know where he needed to be but it couldn’t be here, with the woman who had been lying to him. He had a kid and Satine never told him. He was a father and he didn’t know until right now. He had met the kid. Interacted with him, never knowing that he was his father until now.

“I can’t be here, Satine.” Her name had never been spoken by him in this tone before, with this much hurt and anger. Not even at their worst moments did he feel like this towards her. He could almost say he hated her. “I need to go.”

“Ben, please.”

“No, you don’t get to call me that. Not after,” He let out a shaky breath “You lied to me, Satine. You lied to me and you hid something this big from me. I can’t… I don’t even know you, not really.” He knew his words cut through like his lightsaber, because the hurt on her face was something he could never forget. The way she looked at him… the pain on her face. “Duchess, do not contact me for a while. I… need some time.”

He didn’t even give her a chance to answer. He walked out of her chambers, heading back towards his ship. The last thing he heard from Satine was the broken sob that left her lips, and his heart snapped in two. His inner Omega begged for him to go and comfort her, apologize and beg for forgiveness but he wouldn’t, he refused. He wasn’t truly her omega, not with this big of a secret hanging over them, not with how little it seemed she trusted him.

He wasn’t sure if he ever had been.

#TASweek2021 #Obitine #Obi-Wan Kenobi #Satine Kryze #Jen Writes

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