#Like I know it's likely not intended because of the first games budget reasons

[sequinsmile-x]

It Goes On and On

Emily looks after her Hotchner boys when they are sick, and she and Jack have a conversation that will stay with her forever.

-x-

Hi besties,

This is for the lovely @sometimesitswho because she deserves the world!

I initially intended this to be part of the kisses prompt series, but I got carried away (shocking I know) and it became its own thing. So here we are.

As always, please let me know what you think <3

-x-

Warnings: pregnancy

Words: 3k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Emily sighs contentedly as she settles onto the couch, a cup of tea in one hand and the remote to the television in the other. She quickly finds the channel she wants, her favourite reality TV show appears on the screen and she drops the remote next to her on the couch. Her phone vibrates in her pocket and she pulls it out, her hand skimming past her bump as she does so, the waistband of her sweatpants no longer as forgiving as they once were. She smiles softly when she unlocks her phone and reads the text she’d received from her husband. 

I’ll be here until late so don’t wait up - you need your rest. Is Jack okay?

They’d got a call from the school to tell them that Jack had been sick, the bug he’d somehow avoided for a few days that was going around his class finally taking hold. Emily had gone to pick him up - her heart aching at the pitiful look on his face when she walked into the nurse's office - and brought him home. Aaron was still stuck in the office, the annual budget reports and Strauss’s insistence on a meeting about them keeping him there. Emily knew he felt guilty about it, just like he always did if he wouldn’t be there when either she or Jack were sick because she was the same when their roles were reversed. 

He’s okay. I gave him some Tylenol and he’s in bed. 

Want me to yell at Strauss for you? I could blame it on hormones. 

She smiles as she feels the baby shift under her skin as she types out her response. Her smile turns into a laugh when she immediately sees the three dots in the bottom corner of the screen as Aaron replies.

Thanks for the offer sweetheart, but I can handle Strauss. Are you and baby boy okay?

She chuckles again and shakes her head, idly rubbing a circle on her bump, “Daddy is so silly,” she says quietly, “Il nous aime tellement.”

I’m fine. So is baby girl. 

It was a game they’d played since they found out she was pregnant, switching back and forth between what they each thought they were having. In the end, it was part of the reason they’d decided not to find out what they were having - both content to keep the mystery going until the baby was born. Even though other people, mainly Penelope, were desperate to know Emily found a strange kind of peace in not finding out, sure that it would make the moment she held her baby for the first time, the very same moment she would find out if she had a son or a daughter, all the sweeter. 

Now get to work so you can come home to us as soon as possible. 

He replies quickly again, saying he’ll see her when he gets home, and she places her phone down on the coffee table. She barely has a moment to turn her attention back to her show when she hears a door open upstairs and the shuffle of Jack’s feet on the hardwood floors and then the stairs. She smiles sadly to herself and mutes the television, not sure her husband would appreciate the little boy hearing the expletive-filled argument of the housewives in the show she was watching. Jack comes to a stop in the living room doorway, his cheeks pink and hair askew, the pyjamas she’d laid out for him wrinkled from sleep.

“How are you feeling kiddo?” She asks, and his response is a cough that rattles his chest that makes her wince in sympathy. She stands up, her hand on her lower back as it twinges, and she walks over, running her fingers through his hair before she touches his forehead, the warmth of his skin making her wince again, “Oh sweetheart, you go sit on the couch, okay? I’ll get you some more medicine.” 

He nods and rubs his eyes, “Can we cuddle after? Daddy always says your hugs make him feel better.”

She presses her lips together to suppress a smile at that, filing that piece of information away to tease her husband with at a later date. She nods and pushes her fingers through Jack’s hair again, idly thinking that she needs to book an appointment soon for him to get it cut. 

“I’ll never say no to a Jack cuddle,” she says, winking at him, “Go sit down, I’ll be with you in a minute.” She makes quick work of getting the medication and some water and she walks, not waddles no matter what Derek says, back to the living room. She smiles at Jack and hands him the pills and the cup of water, “You’ll feel better when you take these, sweet boy.” 

“My head hurts,” he says, sniffing as he hands her the cup back, “Is Daddy still at work?” 

She nods and settles next to him, encouraging him against her side as she pulls the throw over the back of the couch over them both, “He is. He’ll be there until late so it’s just us tonight.” 

“Us and the baby,” he says, resting his head against her shoulder, his arm hooking over her bump. She smiles and nods, turning her head to kiss his forehead.

“Yeah,” she replies, kissing his head again, “Us and the baby.” 

She was worried at first about Jack’s reaction to her being pregnant, about yet another change to his life, but ever since they told him he’d been nothing but excited. He asked endless questions about it all, not so subtly making it clear he’d prefer a little sister over a little brother, and he’d even helped decorate the nursery. His small handprints layered with hers and Aaron’s in a picture they’d made one evening - smiles on their faces and paint on their hands as she imagined what it would be like when the baby came. 

“Emmy?” He asks, sniffing again, his blocked nose and sore throat making him sound hoarse. 

“Yes, Jack?” She asks, running her fingers through his hair, her cheek against the top of his head. 

“The baby will call you Mommy, right?” He asks, and she swallows thickly, taking a deep breath so she doesn’t physically react and hold him tighter. It’s a conversation they’d had with him months ago as they started to prepare him for the changes that were coming. They told him she’d be the baby’s mommy and Aaron would be their daddy, and that they both loved him and nothing would change that. 

“Yeah,” she says, her cheeks warm and her chest swelling at the thought of it, at the thought of being someone's mom. “I’ll be their mommy,” she kisses his forehead again, pressing her smile against his warm skin, “Although, it will be a long time before they can call me Mommy,” she says, tilting her head to look at him, “They’ll be too small to talk for a while.” 

He hums thoughtfully, looking so much like Aaron as his brows pinch together that her stomach swoops in tandem with the shift of the baby. She pictures a tiny baby with the same expression, hilariously serious for someone so small, and she feels nothing but ridiculous for the tears that press at the back of her eyes at the thought of it. 

“Maybe I could call you Mommy too?” 

His question is so quiet, so out of the blue that it takes a moment to register. Her breath stutters in her chest and she pulls back to look at him, doing her best to school her features when their eyes meet, “What did you say, sweetie?” 

He shrugs, as if it was nothing, as if it wasn’t something she hadn’t realised she’d wanted to hear until the moment she heard it, “You look after me like a mommy looks after their baby. Like Mommy used to look after me,” he coughs and she rubs his back, “And I love you like I love Mommy and Daddy. So…I could call you Mommy just like the baby,” he looks away, suddenly shy in a way he rarely was, “If you want me to.” 

She releases a delighted breath, nodding as she swallows thickly, desperate to push down the rising emotion, “Oh Jack,” she says, pushing his hair from his face, cuddling him closer to her, her cheek against the top of his head, “I love you so much. And I would love…” she trails off, her voice shaking as she unhooks an arm from around him and wipes a tear from her cheek, “I would love to be your Mommy as long as you want me to be.” 

“Forever,” he mumbles against her chest and she chuckles, nodding as she kisses the top of his head.

“Forever sounds good to me,” she says, breathing in the scent of his shampoo and squeezing him a little tighter before she lets him go. She doesn’t want to spook him, doesn’t want him to see her cry and think he’s done something wrong, so she smiles at him in a way she hopes doesn’t shake as she encourages him back to look at her, “I love you, Jack.” 

“I love you too,” he replies, suppressing a yawn, “Can we watch a movie?” 

The abrupt change in subject makes her laugh and she nods her head, “Yeah, we can watch a movie.” 

When Aaron gets home, he finds them fast asleep on the couch, Jack curled up around Emily, his arm thrown over her bump, and the end credits of Finding Nemo rolling on the television screen.

___

It doesn’t surprise her when Aaron wakes her up by coughing just three days later, his skin even warmer to the touch than usual as she blearily reaches for his forehead, half asleep as she winces and insists he takes some Tylenol. 

When they wake up in the morning, their alarm blaring around them, he looks worse. He sounds worse too, his chest rattling with the same wheezing breaths that Jack had only just recovered from. She groans as she sits up, her hand on her belly as she sits up and turns to look at him. She reaches over and touches his forehead, rolling her eyes when he bats her hand away. 

“You’ve got a fever,” she says, grunting as she stands up, the baby settling back against her lungs, “I’ll get you some more meds.” 

He groans as he sits up, his eyes wide as the room spins. “I’m fine.” 

She shakes her head as she walks back into the bedroom, medication in hand, and she raises her eyebrow at him. “Sure.” 

This was by no means the first time he’d been sick since they got together, so she knew what she was in for. He was the worst patient. Even worse than she knew she was when she was sick, his stubbornness somehow made worse by whatever ailment he had. As if any sense of reasonableness that she usually saw in her husband was killed off by his immune system as it tried to fight what was making him sick.

“I’m going to work,” he says, and she hums, knowing arguing wouldn’t get her anywhere at the best of times, let alone when her patience was paper thin because of her pregnancy and constant discomfort. 

“If you can get up and stand up for 5 seconds without looking like you’re going to collapse I won’t stop you,” she says, her eyebrows still raised as she looks at him defiantly, her arms crossed over the top of her bump. 

He looks back at her with just as much defiance in his eyes and takes a deep breath before he stands up. He immediately sways, his eyes wide before he closes them and shakes his head, his hand reaching out for the headboard of the bed to steady himself.

“See,” he chokes out, the word catching on his ribs as it’s chased up his throat by a cough, “I’m fine.” 

She stares at him for a beat before he shakes her head and laughs, “You cannot think that went well for you.” 

He sighs, “Em-”

“The FBI can survive one day without you honey,” she says, walking over and placing her hand on his shoulder, pushing him down onto the bed with little resistance, “I, however, will kill you if you die and leave me alone to raise two kids, because you’re a stubborn asshole and put yourself in danger when you’re already compromised and could have just stayed home.” 

“How will you kill me if I’m already dead?” 

The spark in his eyes lets her know he’s relenting, a flash of a smile across his face despite himself and she shakes her head at him leaning down as best as she can to kiss his forehead, “I have my ways,” she kisses his forehead again, “Now take your meds, get back into bed and I’ll get Jack ready to go to school.”

“Love you.” 

She hums and winks at him, “Love you too. Even if you are a stubborn asshole.” 

He chuckles, the sound turning into a cough as he climbs back under the covers, “It’s only 6 am and thats the second time you’ve called me an asshole this morning.” 

“Well,” she says, rubbing a circle on her belly, pushing at an elbow as the baby shifts, “That’s because you’re acting like one,” she turns towards the door and looks at him back over her shoulder, “Meds. Rest. I’ll be back.” 

She finds Jack in the kitchen, a bowl of cereal he’d poured himself in front of him, more brightly coloured marshmallows than she’d usually pour floating in a little too much milk, “You didn’t have to get yourself breakfast, buddy,” she says, dropping a kiss to the top of his head, “I could have done it.” 

“It’s okay, Mommy,” he says around a mouthful of cereal. She’s made momentarily breathless by the new name, still not used to after the last few days. He’d slipped into it effortlessly, his casualness at calling her mommy surprising even Aaron when he first heard it, her husband’s smile soft when he eventually admitted Jack had talked to him about it for weeks before he’d broached the subject with her, “I know you’re tired. I wanted to help.” 

She hums and kisses the top of his head again, “You’re sweet.” 

He smiles widely at her, “Where’s Daddy?” 

“He’s not well,” she says, suppressing a yawn as she digs through the pantry for some tea, “He’s going to stay home from work today and I’m going to stay and look after him.” 

Jack frowns, his eyes wide as he looks up at her, “Did I make him sick?” 

“Oh baby,” she says, abandoning her task of making a cup of tea when she sees the devastation on his face, “These things just happen, okay?” She says, hugging him as closely as she can, “You didn’t do anything.” 

“You’re sure?”

She nods and pulls back to push his hair from his face, “I’m sure. He’ll still be awake so why don’t you go up and say hi to him before you get ready for school?”

He’s out of his chair and running towards the stairs before she finishes her sentence and she shakes her head as she watches him go. She feels the baby kick and she rubs her bump, “I hope you’re a girl to balance some things around here out,” she mumbles, smiling when the baby kicks again, “Although, if I was surrounded by Hotchner boys that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world,” her smile gets wider, “It might just be the best.” 

She helps Jack get ready for school and exchanges a knowing look with Jessica who is picking the young boy up when she explains Aaron is sick. When she gets back up to the bedroom she finds Aaron lying there with his arms wrapped around her pillow, the same pitiful look on his face that Jack had days ago. 

“My poor baby,” she croons, a smile spreading across her face when he grumbles, shifting onto his back as she joins him on the bed, sitting with her back against the headboard and a pillow he places behind her to give her extra support. 

“Not a baby,” he complains, his voice somehow rougher than it had been when she went downstairs. He rests his head on her chest and snuggles up against her side, his warm forehead ends up against her neck and his palm on her belly. 

“Are you kidding?” She says, wrapping her arms around him and turning her head to kiss his forehead, “You’re my biggest baby,” she smiles against his skin, “And the most difficult one at that.” 

He huffs against her, his breath skipping across her chest and she chuckles, “Don’t laugh at me. I’m sick.” 

She presses her lips together and stops herself from laughing any more, “Sorry, honey,” she says, scratching her nails against his scalp, “You’ll feel better if you get some rest.” 

“There’s something wrong with my pregnant wife looking after me,” he grumbles, ignoring her comment about rest entirely, “I should be looking after you.” 

She hums, “Well, you’ll get your chance in about 6 weeks when the littlest Hotchner makes her grand debut.” 

He kisses her collarbone, “I can’t wait to meet him.” 

She kisses his cheek, “I can’t wait either,” she says, “Get some sleep, baby,” she kisses his temple, “I’ll be right here.” 

He sinks against her, his weight a comfort that she could never get enough of, “How come you haven’t caught it? We’re both all over you when we’re sick.” 

She rolls her eyes at his continued questioning even though he can’t see her, shaking her head as she starts to scratch his scalp again, hoping she lulls him to sleep, “It’s probably something to do with the half a dozen supplements you insist I take every day.” 

“It’s good for you and the baby.” 

She smiles as his voice starts to slur, his words tripping over each other “I know it is,” she says, “Now go to sleep.“

He hums, fighting sleep still just like Jack always would, and like she knew the baby would too, “You’ll be here?” 

She kisses his forehead and closes her eyes, breathing him in as she smiles against his skin, memories of the conversation she’d had just days ago with Jack overwhelming her. 

“Forever.” 

[flymmsy]

on the scale of 1-10 delulu, how likely do you think some new evil gortash ending being made is?

I think it's 50-50, so I guess that converts to a level 5 Delulu.

Why I think it might be happening

1. The Dialogue Bug - I think it’s suspicious that a relatively simple bug (that has been confirmed as a bug) has gone unfixed through so many hotfixes.

EDIT: It’s a common misconception that Hotfix 18 removed all Gortash dialogue changes but that's not quite the case. Here is a rundown of what's missing.

Now, it really is possible that it is really just extremely low priority for Larian. I just think that this, paired with other things, is suspicious.

2. New Evil Endings - we know Larian is working on new Evil endings but we have no details on what those are. However, the fact that only Gortash’s alliance dialogue has changed (edit: there's a small change in his Boss Fight scene too but its tied to the same file. See link above for a full rundown) and gone unfixed is what makes me think maybe there’s more in the works. Like I’ve said before, the dialogue file that this addition is in is the entire file for that office scene. If they wanted to beef up a Gortash alliance as an Evil Ending, they’d most likely have to edit that file again anyway. So why work on something twice when you can just roll it out all at once?

3. Getting Gortash to the end of the game is not as complicated or involved as people think - Gortash dies once the endgame has already been set in motion. You wouldn’t have to actually add that much. All you’d have to do is have the Emperor suck him into the prism too and have them duke it out, or have the Emperor leave him and come up with some narrative explanation for how he got away from the Netherbrain. Then he’d probably have to have a few lines in your little Endgame Pit Stop to speak to your allies - and that’s pretty much it. The rest, if they really had to go bare bones, can be added via mentions of him in the Epilogue. There’s already files that make some mention of calling on the Steel Watch in the final fight.

4. The Extra Delulu point- Larian has always been responsive to fans. They need to set boundaries, and clearly aren’t going to be adding a lot, but I don’t think the fact that Durgetash has risen to one of the top spots on AO3 counts for nothing. That’s something that is clearly measurable data of fan interest. At the very least, I’m certain it’s made them aware of it, we just don’t know if they’ve made the decision to act on it.

Why I think it might not be happening

1. Larian will only be adding limited content from this point forward - my hopes for any Gortash ending were immediately dashed when I first heard this news, but then revived with skepticism when they mentioned the evil endings. We don’t even know if a definitive edition is still on the table, which is where I initially thought they might add Gortash content. It’s very possible that because of this decision, no new Gortash content will be added. They may have also originally intend to add content, but ultimately chose to reprioritize with this new direction.

2. The Absolute Legend that is Jason Isaacs- It’s always been said that having such an incredible voice actor is a catch-22, because it makes calling them back in to record anything new that much harder due to both budget and scheduling constraints. Now, as I said above, not THAT much would need to be recorded, but even if it is only a little this is a very clear reason why it might have to be a no-go.

3. Gortash’s other content - it’s clear that Gortash was a victim of the cut content stick. We find out way too much about him from only letters and mentions that feel really out of nowhere, but ultimately accomplish the job. I could also understand the writers feeling like if they had to pair down his story to what it is, adding it without any additional backup would feel weird.

TLDR; it’s a total toss-up.

The only people that actually know shit are Larian themselves, and no amount of speculation can actually be definitive. Assume the worst, dream of the best, and hope that it lands somewhere in the middle.

[codegeassfacts]

Code Geass Bokura no Hibi 7 & 8 // Novels // Non Canon

Here is the third set of Bokura No Hibis novels ; For more information about those, Check the post For Bokura no Hibi 1 & 2, right below (Check the others stories as well !)

Bokura no Hibi 1 & 2

Bokura no Hibi 3 & 4

Bokura no Hibi 5 & 6

***********************************

Bokura No hibi 7 : 7th period of time (After Stage 6)

*Scratchscratchscratch. Scratchscratchscratch...*

(T/N: "Karikarikari" = sound of pen writing on paper = "scratchscratch")

Milly: Uuu...

Muahh! I can't take it anymore! No more paperwork!

Lelouch: Don't throw your pen please, kaichou. Also, please don't discard your work either. (T/N: This works better in Japanese, because of the "nageru" wordplay. "pen wo nageru" (throw a pen) and "shigoto wo nageru" (to abandon your work halfway) both uses the same "nageru". Confused? Doesn't matter, this isn't important anyway.)

Milly: Oh, be quiet. In the first place, why do we have to deal with the club expenses all over again at this time of the year!? (T/N: Usually it's done in April, I think; she's implying that it should have been over and done with; why redo everything now?)

Lelouch: Isn't it because you gave all our supplementary budget away without thinking?

Milly: It's all your fault, Lelouch.

Lelouch: How does that work?

Milly: Well, it's all because you gave such a strange cry and chased after Arthur that I couldn't help thinking, "Something's up here. We have to catch it!". See, in a game of tag, the important thing is the number of participants.

Lelouch: (coldly) The budget for club activities isn't for you to use in order to mobilize people on a whim.

Milly: That's what my grandfather said too. And here I thought Lelouch's mask will finally be stripped away! What a waste.

Lelouch: (quietly) Actually, the fact that I'm wearing a mask would be the bigger scandal...

Milly: I think both Kallen and Suzaku have it too...

Lelouch: Have what?

Milly: Sheep's clothing.

Lelouch: ... It's not nice to look into things like that.

Milly: But sti~ll, isn't it precisely because you've become friends that you start to want to know? You know, the person's true nature, things like that.

Lelouch: What do you intend to do after you find out?

Milly: Once I find out, I can be their ally.

Lelouch: You, kaichou?

Milly: Hey, I'm a strong lady. Besides, I have some authority and power.

Lelouch: It's because you stay by his or her side even without knowing anything, that you can be friends... Maybe that's the way it works in some cases.

Milly: Hmm? That sounds kind of heartfelt.

Lelouch: Don't you have it too, kaichou? Sheep's clothing.

Milly: Oh, I do, plenty of them. I'm like an onion now; under all these peelable layers are the real goods, smooth and glossy~ Fufu <3, would you like to see? (T/N: Milly and her perverted way of saying things again...)

Lelouch: No, not really.

Milly: Tsk, you never let your guard down~

Lelouch: I could say the same about you. ... I've got all the necessary documents now, so I'm off to the bank to clear things up.

Milly: Oh, wait. Kallen and Suzaku are out shopping for a two-person PC. While you're at it, go meet up with them and settle the payment for that one too. (T/N: Two-person PC = literally, "a PC to be used by 2 people". Does that exist? Eh?)

Lelouch: Understood. I'll be going then.

Milly: Be careful not to get attacked by bank robbers~

Lelouch: At this day and age, bank robbers exist only on TV.

Milly POV: It goes without saying no one expected what was to happen next. Who would have thought such a mindless joke would actually come true...

((To be continued in next month's "Sound Episode Newtype SPECIAL: The Third Reason"))

~*~

Translation notes:

Kaichou = (student council) president = what the Student Council calls Milly (except Nina, IIRC); I left it as kaichou because "president" sounds awkward.

There is a reference to the cat-chasing episode; for those who've forgotten, Milly promised a kiss from a student council member as well as an increase in the club budget for extracurricular activities for those who manage to catch Arthur before Lelouch does.

****************************

Bokura No Hibi 8 : 8th period of Time (Before Stage 9)

Shirley: Hmm, I wonder if there's anyone in the Student Council Room who isn't busy right now... let's see. (T/N: "Gacha" -- sound of door opening)

Oh, there is.

Hey, Lulu.

Lelouch: ............... snore ...... (T/N: He's not exactly snoring; "su--" is a general noise used to show that someone is sleeping. I... don't think there's a proper English equivalent, but I could be wrong. Anyone?)

Shirley: LULU!

Lelouch: (wakes up) Oh hey, Shirley. What's wrong?

Shirley: You were napping again?

Lelouch: No, I was just absorbed in my thoughts.

Shirley: You were napping, weren't you.

Lelouch: I wasn't. I was carefully considering the reshuffling of the club budgets.

Shirley: ... Whatever you say. Hey, I'd like you to help me out with something. You're not doing anything at the moment, right?

Lelouch: Depends on how important it is.

Shirley: There's something I'd like to have done before Arthur's welcoming party.

Lelouch: I still have serious doubts on whether such a welcoming party is at all necessary, but anyway, what is it?

Shirley: A bath. Arthur's.

Lelouch: Whoops, I nearly forgot -- there's a re-rerun of "The Roughneck Duke Part 24" today. Gotta run. (T/N: "Abarenbou Koushaku" -- a parody of the popular 1978 series "Abarenbou Shogun", I think)

Shirley: Wait just a minute! Couldn't you have come up with a better excuse to refuse?

Lelouch: Why do I have to shampoo a mongrel cat? You should ask Suzaku to do it.

Shirley: That won't work. Arthur'll just be all the more unmanageable and Suzaku-kun will end up with bite wounds all over. I get the feeling that if it's Lulu, Arthur may actually take to you.

Lelouch: This isn't a joke. I'm absolutely against it.

Shirley: ... Lulu ... you don't like cats?

Lelouch: You've got that right. They're selfish creatures and difficult to please; if you call them they turn away with their noses in the air instead. Plus all they do is sleep.

Shirley: (mutter) Aren't you describing yourself.......... ?

Lelouch: What?

Shirley: Oh, it's nothing.

Well, forget it. I'll just ask Suzaku-kun tomorrow.

Lelouch: Wait.

Shirley: Eh?

Lelouch: Didn't you say Suzaku will end up with bite wounds all over?

Shirley: Scratches too, I should think. But since this is Suzaku we're talking about, I'm sure he'll be happy to help out all the same.

Lelouch: ............... I understand. Although I'm extremely unwilling, if all you need is my help then I'm not one to say no.

Shirley: Oh no, it's fine. I can't very well force you to do something you don't like. Sorry about that, Lulu. Don't worry about it.

Lelouch: Oh just hand me the cat shampoo already. I'll wash, disinfect, and get rid of all the fleas, ticks and loose fur all in one go. You won't be able to find any fault when I'm done. Now where's Arthur?

Shirley: Lulu, look forward to Arthur's welcoming party, alright?

Lelouch: Hmm? Why?

Shirley: It's nothing. (laugh)

((END))

Translation by out Translation Queen, Celiss Galvea

[littleapocalypsekitten]

Anti-Capitalist Stories.

Okay, so this was something random I was thinking about earlier today while not really being able to get back to sleep.  I wonder if it’s because someone showed me this delightful little sci-fi story last night that I read before bed. (I was in a thread-conversation on a forum about how billionaires seem to want to just dick off the space and someone was “Oh, read this story I found)!  I got to thinking about the abundance of such narratives in current culture - there’s a lot of them.  It seems like a trending thing in art (not without good reason).  After that, I got to thinking of “Why are they allowed?” in terms of... Yeah, nations with free-speech laws say that we can express art any way we want even if it honks off the powers that be within certain reason.  As long as we aren’t libeling or harassing someone, even obvious parody of celebrity persons is okay.  However, I can’t help but think about how the people who have all the money in the world *could* actually shut down people’s voices (movie studios and publishers run on revenue...) and this made me think the sad thought of “The reason why they aren’t is probably because they actually think we’re kind of powerless.”  Either that, or they think we aren’t internalizing the messages of some of these stories to a degree that would ever mean any significant trouble to the status-quo.   I mean, my own bullshit fiction isn’t making a dent in anywhere because I am not a famous person by any means and I just put out free stories on the Internet that almost no one reads because I want feedback to improve my craft, so I know that no one’s coming after me, nor the oceans of other writers who do the same thing and craft their little tumblr-mythologies and whatnot, but what I got to thinking about was the actual famous stuff, the popular stuff, household name stuff.  I’m a big fan, for instance, of The Hunger Games.  I read the books before seeing the movies and I’ve read the prequel novel (which goes even harder on criticism of certain imperialist-ways with jabs at America’s doings via the fictional future country of Panem and its Capitol along with it’s crafting of a villain’s start of darkness).  I’ve seen stuff posted around here about how the movies nerfed some of the messages in it a bit.  I don’t think they did too badly - they are actually very good adaptations of the source material - the book author worked on the screenplays and it shows... I’m most annoyed with the mythology of mockingjays being left on the cutting room floor for whatever reason because their symbolism is important in the books, but anyway... There are some things they couldn’t go quite as hard on for the movies in order to get the movies made and the story out there in a form that non-bookworms would see.  Also, movies have to be marketed, so there was merchandising - the most jaw-dropping to me of which was the “Capitol Collection” makeup tie-in. (I saw that in a pre-film ad going into the second movie and was floored).  At the same time, I think that the very thing was a wink and a nod making fun of the marketing... like “Yeah, we’ll let you use us to market your product - Oh, haha, your product is this tone-deaf makeup for people to look like the vapid, vain Capitol citizens who happily watch children die for entertainment - our bookworms are in on the joke and are laughing at you.”    I still kind of marvel that the films were actually made, though.  Books? Yeah, I think publishers tend to have more freedom there (after all, screechy parents who try to book-ban actually drive up sales), but high-budget films that are very Bite the Hand and go hard with messages that are counter to profit-system...  And Squid Game.  I watched Squid Game.  It goes even full-bore harder on something of a similar theme (because its intended audience isn’t teens and pre-teens).  That series... it’s not just violent, but SAD.  (Mild spoiler ahead) - an integral part of its plot is that after the first “game” where all of the people who were selected for it who survived actually saw what the game was about - that it wasn’t just join in a weird rich people indulgence for prize-money, but actually saw people slaughtered and knew that each game was a risk of a horrifying death... well, they ran a vote and gained their freedom.  80%, when offered to return, WENT BACK because they found that a week living under their crushing debts and inability to take care of their families was worse to them than risking their lives for the money / a way out.  Oh, and when we finally meet the masked rich guys running it... Oh, they are just such slime.  And the only reason they’re doing this is because they’re BORED.  I don’t think I’ve seen anything that has better conveyed how having an overabundance of money eats the soul than that!  And we know people like this exist in real life - people who could help communities, change so many people’s lives, chuck some change some people’s way - build houses for the homeless for instance, fix areas with water-problems...hell, create a public art museum and all they do is... I don’t know, just do things that will make them even more money they don’t need, launch cars into space, buy Twitter, whatever... We don’t know that anyone’s running secret death-games anywhere, but it’s easy to imagine, which is why we imagine it so often.   There are loads of other popular media that has this kind of bent...  ... and it’s not being shut down b people who probably could.  It makes me wonder.   Is it beause they think the messages don’t mean much because the people who enjoy this media for the messages are kind of powerless?  Or do they take us all for vapid fools who only like these stories for the spectacle and the violence?  The flash, the love-triangles, good-looking young heroes and whatnot?    In other words, I had a thought for the abundance of certain themes in fiction / tv / movies lately reflecting the collective angst of much of the world along with the depressing thought that so much of it is allowed to be made / isn’t subverted or shut down by the powers it vents against because they do not see it as a threat. 

[mrdrhenwardhykle]

What if Dragon's Lair was the first game to have a deaf and non-verbal protagonist and we just didn't know it?

[let-them-read-fics]

Blackpink HC / One Shots: Enemies to Lovers, College AU (1/2)

Requested: Yes

Warnings / Misc. -- Bickering, Rivalry, Fluff

A/N: Hey everyone! Anon, I assume you wanted to see each individual relationship with the girls and not OT4 x Reader. If not, I apologize, but I hope you enjoy this regardless.

This post includes Jisoo and Jennie. If you would like to see Rosé and Lisa's, click the link below.

Click for Rosé and Lisa

♡ Happy Reading ♡

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Jisoo

Kim Jisoo: The girl at the top of her class, breezing through her school years with little competition whatsoever. She was used to winning, and anyone that ever tried to challenge her eventually gave up.

You: Also used to being at the top of your class, you were the first person to actually give Jisoo a run for her money. You didn't shy away when challenged by her, and that took her aback.

Your rivalry was one rooted in academics.

When a new project was assigned and you were allowed to choose your teammates, everyone would flock to the two of you in hopes of getting picked.

Bragging rights were awarded to whoever had the longest line of people.

Impatiently waiting to see who scored higher on tests.

Rubbing it in when you did better, and vice versa.

"Ha! Take that, Jisoo. I got a 98."

"Don't get cocky, Y/N. I beat you by 6 points last week."

"Yeah, yeah," you brush her off. "Look who's on top now." You hold your paper up, smiling when she rolls her eyes.

Other competitions were held, and even the teachers caught on and would adjust their lessons accordingly.

"Class, today we'll be having a set of one on one debates, and an anonymous vote will determine the winner of each. The person who defends their opinion the most effectively will win. Jisoo and Y/N, you're up first."

Although losing was always annoying, it made you respect each other a little more.

You both loathed and revered each other, though you'd never let that secret out.

Fighting for the best scholarships and rankings.

Constant bickering and one liners in class

"Should I go ahead and apologize now, or is it okay to wait?"

"Apoligize for what?"

"Ending your career."

*unintelligible mumbling*

"What was that, Y/N?" Jisoo inquires, cocking her head to the side as she narrows her eyes at you.

"I said: you're going down."

She scoffs at that, unaffected. "Please, I'd like to see you try."

You ended up winning that day, and she was all *surprised pikachu*

School would always be interesting and eventful with her

Pretty much everyone else can tell that you have a thing for one another, but the two of you remain oblivious.

Turning Point

Both of you joined the academic team when you enrolled, which meant that you'd be going toe to toe with other school teams in pursuit of the winning title.

On one of your overnight field trips to face off against another school, you were assigned to the same hotel room.

"Mrs. Wilson, I can't stay with her--" You walk down the hotel hallway behind your instructor, hoping she'll see your point. Her reasoning for putting you together on the roster is beyond you.

"Y/N, it's only for a night. You know we can't afford to give all of you individual rooms; our budget's already small." She reasons, eventually turning towards you when she reaches the elevator.

"Alright," you relent with a sigh, putting your hands up.

What she says next surprises you. "Who knows, you might enjoy it." A knowing look shines in her eye, and a small smirk threatens to tug at her features.

The elevator dings just as you go to question her about it, and she bids you farewell before heading in.

You can do this, Y/N. It's just one night; how bad can it be? You ask yourself, taking your sweet time in going back to the room.

---

An Hour Later

In an attempt to kill some time and recover from the fatigue your long road trip brought on, you've been trying to relax and take a nap. In fashion with your typical luck, though, Jisoo is making that nearly impossible.

"Jisoo, turn it down!" You groan, tossing a pillow at her head. She sits on the loveseat at the foot of your bed, completely fixated on the images flashing before her eyes as she plays her video game.

"Shhh, stop distracting me." She says over her shoulder, making you huff.

You value your pride too much to ask nicely, so you suck it up and stick it out for a little while longer. When she lets out a loud shout a few minutes later, though, you've reached the end of your patience.

Wordlessly, you get out of bed and stomp over to the TV, standing directly in front of it.

"Y/N, move! I'll lose!"

You stay there with your arms crossed, and are soon rewarded by the game's voiceover announcing: "Game over."

She huffs and sets her controller down, clearly upset.

"Sucks when people don't listen, huh?" You challenge, still mad that you've been denied a proper nap for so long. Every time you'd be right on the cusp of being drug under, slipping in and out of glorious slumber, she'd do something to ruin it. You're cranky now, and being petty seems like a just punishment for her.

"I can't believe you did that," she shakes her head and rolls her eyes. "That was the championship match!"

"Oh well," you shrug, a smirk tugging at your lips at that new piece of info. Perhaps justice has been served after all.

With one more warning glance at her to tell her not to do it again, you go back to the bed and get comfy, settling under the warm blankets.

---

30 Minutes Later

"ON YOUR RIGHT, ABOUT TO ROUND THE CORNER!" Jisoo bellows out, smirking when she feels you stir behind her. You scowl, wiping the sleep from your eyes.

"Jisoo, I swear to God," you grumble, feeling the irritation rise in you all over again. You get up again and approach her, but she has a plan this time. In one fluid motion, she sticks her foot out in front of you, making you stumble and fall to the ground.

"What the--" as you prepare to reprimand her, you see something out of your peripheral. Aided by your new perspective, you spot the remote controller on the coffee table right in front of you, just an arm's length away.

When Jisoo notices that you haven't screamed at her yet, she looks down and realizes her mistake. A dramatic moment passes where you both lock eyes, before immediately diving for the remote. You manage to get to it first, quickly hugging it close to your body and rolling away from her. She pounces a second later, reaching her hands around you to pry it from your grip.

"Give it back, Y/N!"

"No!"

You writhe underneath her until she manages to get the upper hand, straddling your hips in an attempt to pin you down. She sits back on her knees, gazing down at you as your chests heave from the effort you've exerted.

"Give it." She commands, holding her hand out expectantly.

You shake your head, amused that she thought that would be enough to sway you. "No."

"Then you leave me no choice." Her hands dart forward to your abdomen, and she begins tickling you mercilessly in order to make you surrender. Calls for her to cease her assault struggle past your lips, but you know it's futile. She's a determined person just like you, and she won't stop until she gets what she wants.

So, after taking a second to think of a way out of your predicament, a brilliant idea pops into your head.

You finally let her pry your arms open, smirking when she cheers and claims victory. In one fluid motion, just as she had done before, you wrap your leg around one of hers and flip her onto her back before leaning down to kiss her. She tenses up at first, but her hands end up working their way to your hips as her lips begin to move against yours.

Your plan is backfiring a bit; you only intended to shock her and buy yourself time to steal the remote back -- you never thought you'd actually enjoy the feeling of her kiss. You tilt your head to the side to get a better angle and slowly skim your hand down to hers, where the device is tightly clutched. Her other hand has come up to your jaw, which she's gently guiding as she steals another kiss from your lips.

Her distracted state made it easy to get what you were after, and soon -- much too soon for Jisoo's liking -- you pull away with a victorious smile. She doesn't know what to say; in all honesty, she's almost forgotten how to breathe with the way you kissed her senseless.

"I win." You grin, hopping off of her and shutting the TV off before crawling back into the bed. She stays in that same position for a couple minutes, laying on the floor as she tries to sort through what the hell just happened. She can't even be upset right now; she brings her fingertips to her lips, skimming them over the heart-shaped pillows as she smiles.

The Fallout

Things were a little tense when you shared the bed that night

Anytime you'd roll over and readjust your head on the pillow in your sleep, unknowingly positioning your lips dangerous close to hers, her heartbeat would pick up and she'd have to roll over again

You pretended to be asleep when she scooted back against you, pressing herself against your front in search of the heat that your body provided. You brought an arm around her, enclosing her in a soft embrace that had her blushing crimson

Subtle flirting at the competition the next day

Sticking up for each other when one of the other teams got a little rude

"Hey, don't talk about her like that!" Jisoo warns, glaring at the student from your rival school. His uniform is mussed and unkempt, leaving it as no surprise that he was the one to say such a thing.

"Why do you care?" He laughs back, spurred on as his friends snicker along.

The question catches her off guard; just days ago, she was the one bantering with you and testing your limits. Now though, when someone else is taking it too far, she can't help but feel angry. "Because she's my teammate. Now knock it off or I'll report you to your dean for unsportsmanlike behavior."

He scoffs, but eventually opts to grumble out another insult and turn away, nursing his bruised ego.

"Thanks, Chu." You quietly say, having witnessed the whole encounter from the row behind her. A small smile tugs at your lips at her actions, warming your heart.

"No problem, Y/N. But you'd better help me beat him; I'm not losing to that idiot." You laugh and agree, shaking her hand to seal your pact. She tries not to get too caught up on the smoothness of your skin or how it reminds her of last night, but her brain doesn't listen.

Needless to say, you beat them.

Your team stopped by a nice restaurant on the way back home for a celebratory dinner

Jisoo sat beside you

Cue the blushing and quiet flirting

It's a new side of her that you're not used to seeing. Now, instead of being all hardcore and witty, a simple look from you can make her blush

It doesn't always, though; sometimes she grows bold and lays a hand on your thigh for a moment, laughing at something you said

It's giving very much so gay panic™️, but you wouldn't trade it for the world

After the dinner, you go back to the bus and sit in your seats (which aren't together, surprisingly).

As you scroll through your phone, you get a text from Jisoo. Attached to the message is an invitation to one of her favorite mobile games.

"Hey, Y/N. Will you be my player 2? 🎮"

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Jennie

Jennie Kim: The girl who practically ran the school, always getting her way and never having to lift a finger. She was royalty: the queen bee sat atop her throne, giving orders to the masses that they followed blindly. The whole situation seemed straight out of a poorly-written teenage movie, and it always annoyed you.

You: The girl who stuck to herself, only having a close group of friends that she talked to. You weren't popular, per se, but you weren't cursed to exist at the bottom of the food chain, either. Many people knew you, but you only associated with a select few.

You avoid the "popular" crowd a majority of the time, opting to spend spare time in between classes in the library or outside, doing homework

Jennie is the type of person that has people lined up, waiting for her to ask them to do hers for her. She gets to skip class and do whatever she wants, and she usually takes advantage of that.

She's never been mean to you directly, but you've seen her and her posse pick on people in typical mean girl fashion

You've never noticed the way that she usually targets people who've said bad things about you. She sticks up for you without you even knowing.

So, as you would expect, when your best friend called you and begged you to accompany her to one of the biggest parties of the year (hosted by none other than Jennie's brother), you were definitely surprised. Neither of you are the type to go to anything like that, but you know that she secretly wants to peek into that world of luxury.

"Pleaaaaase, Y/N? I'll do your laundry for a month."

"Fine."

The Turning Point

Your stylish boots crunch lightly against the concrete as you stand outside of the frat house, grimacing when you notice a boy stumble to the side of the house and get sick.

"We might have to bump that offer up to two months," you say to your friend, leaning onto her car as she checks her makeup in the side mirror.

"If it keeps you here for an hour or so, then fine." She smiles, taking your hand and leading you towards the building. Upon opening the door you're immediately greeted by waves of the strong bass of whatever song is playing. Their rhythmic thumps reverberate around the house, and you choose to seek some semblance of peace and quiet by heading to the kitchen. Your friend comes with, and the two of you push your way to the drink bar for refreshments.

"Thanks again for coming along, Y/N/N. You're the best." She leans into you, saying the phrase loud enough for you to hear over the music.

"I know," you hold your head up higher, self-assured. "You'd better go find Benji before things get too wild," you tell her, taking note of how the crowd is quickly growing in size. Benji, her longtime crush, is the only reason you really agreed to tag along; she's been head over heels for him for as long as you've known her, and you see this as the perfect opportunity for her to finally tell him. She needed some backup, and you always come through for your friends.

"Alright, I'll come find you later," she says, nervously smiling as she kisses your cheek as a farewell. You shout encouragement to her retreating figure, grinning wildly when you see her throw her hand up in the air.

Considering you made a drink for her just then before sending her off, you take the time now to make one for yourself. Your hands skim through the air overtop of the different bottles, searching for your favorite flavors and types to mix. As you go to reach across the table for one of them, disaster strikes.

You gasp as cold liquid lands on your shoulder, following gravity's command and rushing down your back and chest. A flurry of apologies follows suit, and you feel a soft hand on the small of your back as you go to turn around.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," Jennie says, covering her mouth in shock. For a moment you're worried that she was dared to do this -- that perhaps her friends sent her off to ruin your outfit and embarrass you. When you find sincere regret in her deep brown eyes, though, all of those worries melt away.

"It's alright," you assure her, shaking your arms to get rid of some of the sticky drink that's trailed its way down. You set your half-filled cup on the table, no longer interested in getting anymore now.

"At least let me wash the shirt for you. I have a coat you can wear while its getting clean."

You furrow your brows at the offer, not expecting that from her. Not only has she apologized, which is practically unheard of from the prima donna, but she's willing to do something for another person?

"Uh, okay." You do your best to mask the confusion in your tone, but it's still plain to see.

"Follow me," she politely instructs, leading you down the hall towards what you assume is the laundry room.

She flips the light on and shuts the door behind you, walking into the closet to search for the spare set of close she keeps here.

When she emerges again, fluffy coat in hand, she begins stumbling over the words she was about about to say. Her eyes land on you, taking in the expanse of exposed skin now that you've stripped off the shirt you were wearing. She can't help but admire the sight; she subconsciously bites her lip, only being brought back to reality when you wave your hand in front of her face.

"Hello? Earth to Jennie?"

"What?" She eventually asks, shaking her head to rid herself of the thoughts swarming in it. She's always had a sort of thing for you, but she never imagined you could look that good. It should be a crime.

"I asked if you have a bathroom around here, so I can, ya know... wash up a bit. Whatever you had to drink is pretty sticky." You chuckle, moving your arm to show her how far it's spread.

"This room over here," she says, approaching a door on the wall opposite you, "is actually a bathroom. Convenient, right?" She asks, flipping the light on for you.

"Absolutely," you perk up, glad to know that you won't have to strut down the hall in your sports bra to get to a bathroom.

She steps to the side and pushes the door open for you, nearly melting when you give her a little wave and shut it behind yourself. She's got it bad.

She takes your shirt and throws it in the washer before setting the knobs correctly, knowing the best combos by heart. She and her brother are close, so it's not uncommon for her to come by and help him with chores when he gets swamped.

A few minutes later you come out of the bathroom clean and dry, nervously fidgeting with your hands as she turns to look at you again. Having the Jennie Kim looking at you in such a way and having her so close is a bit overwhelming, and you're not exactly sure how to deal with it.

"Here," she says, reaching around you to slide her jacket onto your arms. Her face hovers dangerously close to yours as she does, making you hold your breath in anticipation. She pulls the jacket closed, adjusting it so that it lays right, and you look into her eyes.

"Thanks, Jen."

Her heart speeds up at the nickname, though she tries not to show it.

"No problem, sweet thing." She flirts, taking you aback.

Just as you go to say something more, the door blasts open and a couple of her friends pop in. "There you are Jennie! What are you-- oh," they say, watching as the two of you spring apart.

When they realize who you are, they laugh among themselves. "What're you doing in here with her?" They ask, looking you up and down before ultimately appearing unimpressed. Jennie glances at you again, and you can see her going through some sort of inner turmoil.

"Thank God you guys showed up; she won't quit talking. I was just about to leave." She laughs, regaining the bitchy aura that she's known for. You set your jaw and nod, remembering why you choose to stay away from people like them.

"Wow, Jennie. You really had me fooled," you bite back, a bit shocked, but not surprised. You keep your eyes on hers as you take her jacket off and let it drop to the floor in front of her, grabbing a spare towel from the hamper on your way out the door. Her friends scoff at you, wondering what such a nobody like you thinks they're doing treating Jennie like that. You brush past them and send her one last look, conveying all the emotions you feel with a mere glance.

She's disappointed in herself, and she hangs her head as the girls scoop the designer material up and hand it to her.

----

45 Minutes Later

Just 15 more minutes, Y/N; totally doable. You reason with yourself. Jennie left the laundry room soon after you, leaving it vacant for you to put your shirt in the dryer and retrieve it when it was done. Now, clad in the warm material, you sit outside by the fire. Stars are shining brightly in the night sky, illuminating it so beautifully that your mind is taken off of what happened. They twinkle for you, and the sight puts you at ease.

What has that pleasant feeling dissipating in a second, however, is the sound of Jennie's voice as she exits the patio door.

She's talking to her friends about some boy that's in love with her, as the whole school seems to be, and you roll your eyes. With the moment officially ruined, you decide to head back into the house and spend the rest of your sentence there.

Once you stand up from your seat and turn around to take your leave, her friends notice you. "Jesus, you're really obsessed, aren't you? Are you following her or something?" One of them, a snarky blonde from earlier, asks.

You laugh at that. "Hardly," you glance at Jennie, though she avoids eye contact. "I'm sure you'd like that, though. Give you something to talk about other than your split ends." She reels back at your boldness, prepared to start a fight.

"You bitc--"

"Stop," Jennie finally steps in, cutting the girl off. She moves between the two of you, putting a hand on your chest and looking into your eyes.

"Jennie, I don't know what her problem is," the blonde squeaks out, trying to defend her actions.

"The problem doesn't lie with her," she tells her, leaving her puzzled. Jennie continues, "I lied earlier; I'm the one who invited her to the laundry room because I spilled my drink on her." You narrow your eyes at her following her statement, wondering where she's going with this.

"We probably would've kissed, too, if you hadn't walked in."

Your heart speeds up a little at that, but you're still hurt by what she did earlier. Having her be one way with you in private and another in public is never a good sign.

"I'm done with you guys. You turn me into something I'm not," she looks between the small following that's accrued, letting them know how she's been feeling for the past bit. The majority of them are stuck up and entitled, and seeing the hurt in your eyes put things into perspective for her. She likes you, and she wants to be better because of that.

"I don't understand, Jennie," one of them asks, sounding like she's on the brink of tears. Are these people really that invested? You know the hierarchy of popularity is confusing, but they make it seem like she's breaking up with them.

"We're not friends anymore. Not until you get your heads out of your asses and start being nicer."

The crowd clearly doesn't know how to react at her sudden change in attitude, but they mutter out various responses before some of them break away.

You look down at her and glance to the house, wordlessly telling her to follow you so that you can have a moment alone to talk. You lead her over to the patio and stand against the wall.

"I'm sorry," she says, sounding relieved to finally get the words out. Her previous actions have been weighing heavily on her, and she's been doing some introspection. It's not entirely all of a sudden, though; she's been questioning why she still hangs out with them for a while now. This encounter just confirmed her desire to leave them.

"I shouldn't have lied like that. I know it hurt you." She looks away, feeling disappointed again.

"Yeah, it definitely wasn't fun to have my crush talk about me like that." You nod, shoving your hands into your pockets.

"Crush?" Her head raises up, doing a terrible job of concealing the hopefulness she feels blossoming.

"Crush." You lightly smile at the way she blushes at your simple confirmation. She's too adorable for her own good; it's really no wonder than she has everyone on their knees for her.

"Thank you for apologizing," you say after a moment, nudging her shoulder gently. "It's more than your posse usually gives, so I appreciate it. You'd better mean it, though." You cock your head at her expectantly, a hint of warning in your tone.

"You have my word," she smiles, determined to make sure the opportunity you're giving her doesn't go to waste.

The Fallout

In the following weeks, she cut ties with more and more toxic people, causing a bit more drama to stir up, but she didn't care. You were by her side through all of it, as were your friends, and she saw what true community looks like. She had so many people at her beck and call back then, but none of them cared as much as your close knit group. They were in it because of her status, not because of her.

Walking her to class

Both of you sticking up for each other if people try to start stuff

Helping her correct her bad habits if she starts to get judgemental with someone or slips back into her old ways

Being patient with her

Her spoiling you randomly to show how thankful she is for you

"Miss L/N, we have a Candy Gram for you. Sent by Jennie Kim." A staff member says upon entering the classroom, walking the package over to you. You grin widely as you open the note attached to it.

"Come see me after class, Y/N/N. I have something for you."

You were excited for the rest of class

You rode your bike back to her dorm, parking it outside before knocking on the door.

"Hey, Jendeukie. What do you have for--"

You're abruptly cut off by her lips pressing against yours as her hands pull you in, turning you to mush. You sink into her arms and kiss back, reveling in the feeling of finally having this moment with her. You've been waiting for it ever since the party.

"I've wanted to do that for so long," she softly admits, resting her forehead against yours. "I hope I didn't overstep." You can hear the nervousness in her voice, and you smile at how cute she is.

"Quite the opposite, actually. Come here," you pull her in again, lifting her up into your arms as you walk into her dorm. She squeals at the sudden move, but the sound is quickly muffled as you lean in to kiss her again.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Alright, that’s it. I need to get this conspiracy theory off my chest. I’ve done my research, I’ve combed over all the details, looked at every possible angle there is, and I have reason to believe that there’s something sinister lying beneath the surface of S2′s already dark narrative. 

Y’see, I’ve played twdg for years. They’re far from perfect games, but nonetheless, I love them dearly. However, many things have bothered me about the second installment in the series, something that never made sense until now... not until I pulled back the curtain to reveal what was really happening all along, something the writers cleverly weaved into the narrative for those willing to search for the truth.... y’know, like me. 

We all assumed they didn’t have the budget or time to craft the intended story, that drama behind the scenes resulted in severe changes to the story while the episodes were coming out, but now I know the truth, I have discovered what the intention was all along... this was planned from the beginning, for you see....

There are two Luke's in S2-- and one of them is an alien from outer space.

I know what you’re thinking: that’s outrageous, and dumb, and you should be ashamed, CJ. 

Well, I will NOT be ashamed because I’m right. Probably. I even have an evidence board to prove it-

See? That’s how you know my research is legit. I’ve connected the dots and I will not be quiet about my findings anymore! The truth needs to be revealed!

So.... Luke. You know who he is, you’ve played S2. When we first meet him, he seems like a chill dude. A little dumb, given he openly admits he can’t tell a walker bite from a mosquito bite [and we call Carlos incompetent, yeesh] but he has good intentions when he isn’t tossing around injured children in the woods. He’s there along side Pete, who is the first one to believe Clementine was bitten by a dog, not a walker. 

Luke and Pete continue to be on Clementine’s side after she wakes up with the rest of the group, who are arguing about what to do with her, so... that’s cool. Side note, but it’s always a good sign when you hear the pregnant woman in the group wants to shoot a child, this is clearly the people we, a child, want to be with. 

After you steal supplies to fix up Clementine’s arm, we get to have an actual sit down with Luke. He comes off as a genuine, sympathetic person who speaks to Clementine in a gentle voice and is concerned over what she’s going to do next. He even offers her a place with them, and reassures her that Nick doesn’t mean any harm, he’s dealing with the trauma of losing his mother after they took in a bite victim. Again, it’s not a surprise that Luke was an instant favorite among players. 

He takes on a big brother role with Clementine, caring about her safety without ever undermining her abilities. He confides in her about Nick, his secret lover-

Oh, by the way, Luke and Nick were actually in a romantic relationship that they kept hidden from the rest of the group. The subtext is there, I mean, c’mon.... Nick literally asks if Luke is gonna “tuck him in” bed and I think we all know what that means. They’ve known each other for years, went into business together, they share looks, and Nick continues to have faith in Luke no matter what. Even sad mustache man implies that they look like quite a “match.” They’re boyfriends, and the writers were clearly conveying that to us subtly because they weren’t allowed to be open about it. Probably. 

Anyway-

....What was I saying? Oh- 

Luke confides in Clementine how worried he is about Nick, who isn’t doin’ too good after Pete’s death, and he appreciates any input she gives him.

Luke’s just an overall swell guy, y’know? He cares about the group, he wants to protect them from Carver and his people, he can be pretty funny at times and lightens the tone, he’s perhaps a little clumsy given he nearly fell of a bridge, but is a skilled and confident fighter.

But then we get to the ski lodge. 

We didn’t know it at the time... but there was something looming over us, weighing heavy in the air... a calm before the storm as someone, or something, watches over our group. 

We reunite with happy mustache man and it’s heartfelt, which was a wise move on the writers part to distract us from the unease in the air. We were all too busy to see it. 

So happy mustache man catches us up on what he’s been doing since S1, how he grew a beard and found a Katjaa replacement, and it seems he’s determined to use Clementine to fill the spot Duck left when he died since he immediately comes off as possessive, insisting that Clem’s staying with him. Luke doesn’t take kindly to this.

Needless to say, Luke and sad mustache man don’t get off on the right foot. Other things happen, but they’re not important so skipping ahead- y’know Walter? The nice dude who was all about peace and love and learning and “oh boy, can’t wait for you to meet Matthew :D!” 

Yeah well, he knows that Matthew’s dead and he’s pissed. It turns out that Walter and Matthew were also lovers, so that’s fun. Except now he knows that Nick was responsible and Clementine can either reassure him that Nick is a good guy, or tell him that he’s just like the rest. 

Then something strange happens. 

All of a sudden, the wind grows stronger, as if there’s a storm coming....but this is odd since no, a storm never actually happens. What could have made it so windy that the group is forced to have the child manually shut down the needlessly complicated wind turbine? I know what you’re thinking. It’s just nature, right? It’s to set the tone for Carver’s group appearing? Or blah blah blah wind science... well, you are incorrect and you fell into the writers well-hidden trap.

The windstorm happened because an alien spacecraft was landing nearby, and we were too focused on the walkers and Carver to notice it. 

And what a coincidence that Luke happens to disappear around this time, hmm? Yeah, that’s right. Together, Luke and mad mustache man run off, and if you choose to go outside to find mad mustache man, he’ll mention that he has no idea where Luke went.

It’s the last time we ever see Luke alive again...... or rather, this Luke. 

Where did he go? What happened to him? We don’t see him for the rest of the episode. He comes back half-way through ep3... or does he?

Y’see, I have reason to believe that aliens have been stalking the ski lodge to study humans and walkers alike, and when they chose to land nearby, Luke was unfortunate enough to be abducted and brought up into their spacecraft. Why? Why do these aliens need a human specimen aboard their ship? What purpose do they have with Luke? 

My theory is that these aliens are trying to find a cure to stop humans from becoming walkers when they die, but in order to study how these humans function is this apocalyptic world, they need to go undercover... they abducted Luke, and the entire time we’re dealing with Carver’s bullshit, these aliens were making a clone of him for one of them to inhabit the body of in order to replace him among the group. They were questioning him about his life, about the others, the walkers, Carver’s people... and Luke gave them all the info they needed to execute their plan. 

I believe this because the Luke we meet up with is a completely different character.  

As Clementine, we’re dealing with the slice of soiled white bread better known as Troy when we’re yoinked into the building with comic books. There, we struggle against a familiar figure. 

Luke’s back, he found us......... except it’s not actually him. 

The alien’s plan worked, and one of them assumed the identity of Luke and was sent back down to take his place with the mission of finding the rest... but they didn’t take into account the side affects of this. Alien Luke, as I’ll be referring to him, hasn’t adjusted to his new human form. He’s disoriented, clumsy, unsure of his surroundings... but he manages to sneak into Howe’s and find Clementine, able to talk to her and convince her that he’s who he says he is. When she, and the player, notice that he’s acting strange, he tells her that he hasn’t slept in a while because he was following as close as he could...... likely story, told with little confidence. 

His best idea for breaking everyone out is to grab a radio... but humans need to eat. Alien Luke, overwhelmed by the need for food intake, gets sloppy when trying to steal and gets caught. 

And here’s the first big thing that’s different with Luke.... this is the man who was very much “no one gets left behind, we stick together, we look out for each other, family is the most important thing.” and sure, he and wounded mustache man weren’t exactly friends, but Luke wouldn’t just want to abandon him to save himself........ except this Luke does. 

First he says they should just stay and try to break out later... not very Luke like. Then Alien Luke says maybe they should think about leavin’ some folks behind... as in wounded mustache man who literally got the shit beat out of him and is now blind in one eye. This is jarring, to say the least, because this doesn’t match up with the Luke we knew before... and we’re not the only ones who notice. 

Well, lucky for him, wounded mustache man is okay to travel [well, he’s not okay but y’know] and the group manage to escape and go through with their plan of covering themselves in walker guts and moving through the herd... oh, and Best Girl™ shoots Troy’s dick off, and Alien Luke is... impressed? Or maybe he’s confused because he doesn’t fully understand what a dick is yet, but funny enough, Best Girl™ will also help him figure that one out later. 

Anyway, Alien Luke runs off after Sarah, who watched her father get eaten alive, and Nick gets shot non-fatally in the shoulder. 

Now, remember that Luke [the real Luke] and Nick are lovers... and this brings me to Nick’s death in ep4. We thought Nick’s off screen death was stupid, cheap, lazy writing for a character the writers didn’t care about, people have gone on rants about how shitty Nick’s death was and how the writers should be ashamed... but that’s not it. No, no... this whole time, WE were the fools for not seeing the true effort they put into the tragedy that was Nick’s story!

Nick was in love with Luke, they were best friends and lovers, and if anyone would notice something was up with him, it would be Nick. There’s only so much Alien Luke can do to impersonate the real Luke.... and when you realize that Nick started to see through the disguise, started to question what happened to the man he loved... Alien Luke panicked. Not only were they trying to deal with Sarah, who is over here having a complete breakdown, but now Luke is afraid his cover is about to be broken. 

Nick went out to look for help? No... no, that’s what they want you to believe because the truth is far more painful.... Alien Luke murdered Nick and staged his death to look like he was killed by walkers to cover his tracks, and Sarah witnessed the whole thing. 

Why do you think Luke’s reaction to Nick’s death fell flat? He doesn’t know HOW to act like a man who just lost the love of his life. Why do you think he couldn’t get Sarah to move? She was fucking terrified of him and having a complete meltdown after everything she saw! Why was Luke the first one on the roof? He WANTS Clementine and Jane to leave Sarah behind so that all traces of what happened here are gone. Why doesn’t he seem to care about the group as much as himself from this point forward? Because Alien Luke doesn’t know these people, he’s just there to observe them. 

Which leads me to the infamous Luke and Best Girl™ scene. 

If you needed anymore proof that this Luke isn’t like the one we knew before, let’s take a look at the whole situation between these two. We first meet Best Girl™ at Howe’s and she becomes like a big sister figure to Clementine. She stays with Clem and Rebecca as they’re moving through the walkers, she goes with Clem to go find Luke, teaches her some useful survival information, and we learn that she has some issues of her own.... y’know, like wanting to leave Sarah to be eaten alive by walkers. Which isn’t great.

That’s because Best Girl™ has her own traumatic past with her sister Jaime that isn’t all that important right now. Alien Luke is weirdly interested in what she thinks of him, and he’ll agree with whatever she says after the Sarah incident, even if you left Sarah to die. 

Oh yeah, no, Luke saying it was the right thing to leave Sarah to be devoured by walkers as she cries for help is totally in line with his character... yep.

Except no, it’s not, that’s Alien Luke talking. 

Always, we leave Best Girl™ to try and get a gate open and Alien Luke goes to check on her.... and check on her he does. 

We don’t see this play out, but from the info gathered, Best Girl™ makes an offer to Alien Luke for ahem... “down time” .....as in sex. Not only is this not a great time to be doing that- Rebecca is two seconds away from giving birth to a murder baby, sad mustache man is not doin’ great and could snap at any moment, Nick [and possibly Sarah] is dead- but I don’t think they’re considering the cleanliness of the whole thing. 

Tangent, but this is the apocalypse and no one has properly washed themselves in who knows how long and pregnancy isn’t the only result that can happen from foolin’ around here. Doesn’t matter if pregnancy is possible or not, STD’s are still a thing and Carlos ain’t here to tell you that it might be gonorrhea or just a rash, get in the shed and we’ll check in the morning. And good luck getting your hands on condoms or other forms of birth control, it’s all probably expired! 

I don’t think Alien Luke knows this, and I don’t think Best Girl™ cares because they have some downtime together and it’s... weird. Like, later on Best Girl™ will mention that there wasn’t any kissing and like.... I assume this is because Alien Luke isn’t actually familiar with human mating rituals and that includes kissing so they just... didn’t do that.

ANYWAY.

We all know from ANF that Best Girl™ gets pregnant from this encounter, but we didn’t know that she’s pregnant with an alien baby. Makes you realize that the writers weren’t actually doing a complete character assassination there, they were showing what being pregnant with an alien did to a human and how it could possibly put everyone at risk to have a human alien hybrid running around. Wow. I feel bad for all those times I called them incompetent, I just wasn’t seeing their true genius and for that, I am sorry.

Moving on, they finish their downtime just as Rebecca is about to have her baby and if Sarah’s alive, Best Girl™ will go down to try and save her after she falls off the balcony, and then fails.... but no one cares that Sarah’s dead because AJ is far more important. 

Then Best Girl™ leaves and Alien Luke is upset by this... this is the first time he’s feeling these complex emotions and it causes him to lash out at sad mustache man. 

From here on, Alien Luke continues to act odd, saying things that don’t fit with his character from the first two episodes, and he tries to prove to us that he is indeed human by mentioning that it’s his birthday and talking about his past. Oh, and he was shot before. Forgot to mention that, but he was shot in the leg. But I’m sure it’s fine. 

After that, we get the dumb lake scene. Y’know, the lake they could’ve easily went around but instead decided to go across the ice like morons? Yeah, let’s walk across breakable ice with a newborn baby, a sad child, another child we’re holding at gunpoint who has a brace on his leg, an angry mustache with only one eye, and a man with a bullet hole in his leg. What could possibly-

The ice cracks and if Alien Luke so much as breathes wrong, he’ll fall through. Which he does, he falls partially into the water and walkers are closing in behind him. 

And everyone’s favorite character, Bonnie, wants Clementine to mosey on over there and help him out, which doesn’t work. And if Bonnie goes over there, that doesn’t work either. No matter what, Alien Luke falls through into the water and it turns out, aliens don’t go great in water... and Alien Luke drowns in the icy depths of the lake, dragged down by the boney fists of walkers into a nothing abyss....

Or does he? 

Fans make their jokes about mermaid Luke as a means of coping with this death, but that isn’t what it is. It never was a character death... they only wanted you to think it was because they knew you wouldn’t know the truth. They didn’t count on players looking deeper, pulling apart the threads of this story to piece together what really happened to Luke. 

The truth is... he’s still in the lake, but he’s not dead. 

He’s cold, sunken in the mud, but not dead... heart beating slow, skin bloated, and mind stuck in a quiet slumber... waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting.... for the moment he fully thaws and his eyes open, to claw his way out and swim to the surface where he’ll grow more livid with every desperate gulp of air. 

The walkers are a dying threat, and Alien Luke has forgotten all orders to help mankind. 

As for the real Luke, the one we all loved in the first few episodes... he’s still alive somewhere out there in space, a test subject caged up to help the aliens with their plans for Earth and it’s survivors. He doesn’t know how much time has passed, he doesn’t know what happened to Nick, Clementine, Rebecca... any of them. For all he knows, none of them made it out of Carver’s.... but these aliens don’t realize what a strategic man he is, and while they outnumber him, he’s spent all this time planning his own escape back to Earth.

I believe THIS is the story Telltale wanted to tell after TFS wrapped up. The Final Season tells us just by the title that it’s the final piece of Clementine’s story..... and if Telltale hadn’t shut down, if Skybound hadn’t taken over or understood the intent behind the series, we would’ve gotten the true conclusion to the series....

But Skybound doesn’t understand anything complex so we got the dumb Clementine comic instead. 

[soliverse]

cinderella and the mystery of the red lipstick (sfw version) - d.sc

reader x roommate!winwin

genre: fluff, humor, (optional smut below)

warnings: a bunch of swearing, mean insults and a bit of gaslighting

word count: 2972

synopsis: this is another Cinderella fic, except for the fact that she left lipstick stains instead of glass slippers

tags:

@byutafy for the short notice beta reading. love you!

networks:

@nctcreations @kdiarynet @kpopscape @kwritersworld @culture-cafe @neowritingsnet @neoswitchnet @czennienet @nct-writers

prompt:

The song it was based on was Lips by NCT 127 (although it leaned towards the demo version more)

It was also a bit upbeat because the song Cinderella by CNBLUE (the Youth With You version) has been stuck on my head for ages now.

Enjoy reading!

Love, Ellie.

It was already two in the afternoon but Winwin still stayed lying in bed, clutching his blanket close to his body in an attempt to prevent the chill of the afternoon breeze from coming in contact with his bare skin.

The plan was to stay in bed until all remnants of the vodka and last night's shenanigans have washed away. Or until he dies from starvation. But his roommates have other things in mind.

"WINWIN HYUNG!"

He was jolted awake by the loud noise coming from his bedroom window. Half-awake, he peeked through the sheets to see what the commotion was about.

The first thing he saw was Lucas holding his now broken doorknob in one hand, happily waving it around like a lightstick. Hendery was happily mumbling some bullshit that he didn't care enough to comprehend. Xiaojun was holding a tube-like contraption that he assumed was confetti, Ten and Yangyang were on the side, dancing like the game show girls while holding up each side of a handmade banner stating "Congrats on getting laid!" badly written with a green crayon. Meanwhile, Kun at the end of the line, leaning back at the door frame with his arms crossed while watching all of the chaos unfold right before him.

"Fuck off..."

Winwin grunted and grabbed the pillow under his head, throwing it with full force so that it ended up hitting Xiaojun on his chest.

They seem to have taken the hint because they all scrambled outside, laughing their asses off as they try to get away and avoid getting their asses kicked by a martial artist.

Meanwhile, Winwin buried his face under the thick sheets, trying his best to block the light coming from outside from reaching his eyes, heightening his already throbbing headache. He was planning to stay in bed no matter how loud his stomach grumbled, but his resolve is weaker than he expected. Begrudgingly, he dragged his tired ass out of bed to take a cold shower, hoping that will shake his hangover out.

///

“Holy shit.”

This wasn’t the usual statement that he says to himself whenever he would look at himself in the morning. However, as soon as he lifted his head in the mirror to wash his face, he might as well be an extra for a horror movie.

All over his upper body, especially the neck and chest area, was filled with red smudges. He also found tiny hints of it at the corners of his lips. Upon closer inspection, he realized that it was lipstick.

Whoever he made out with (or had sex with) last night must’ve gone wild and tried to mark every part of him that she could place her lips on.

Winwin felt his heart sink. He couldn’t, for the life of him, remember who he was last night. Just like his body, the memories of her red lips lingered on his mind. But that’s about it.

It took him a long time to squint his eyes and try to recall the moments leading up to him getting on the bed with someone, but it only made his headache worse. Defeated, he chose to let everything go and proceeded to hop in the shower just like he initially intended.

He opened the shower, letting it get to his desired temperature before he stepped in and let the water flow from his hair to the rest of his body. He didn’t move, instead of leaning one of his hands on the wall for support as he closed his eyes and tried to soothe himself with the water pressure from the showerhead. He took a deep breath, letting the air come out slowly of his lips, eyes still heavily shut.

That’s when the memories kicked in.

He finally remembered being in that same position, in a familiar corner of their dorm, as he leaned over to kiss the girl with the red lips. He also remembered the heat, the intensity of the kiss as his subconscious made him remember that he was gasping for air afterward. And so, he resorted to kissing her jaws instead. She willingly returned the favor, which is probably where he’d gotten the smudges that he found that morning, and how her red lips formed a proud smile as she kept on going, painting his fair skin with her rouge.

He sucked in another lungful of air before opening his eyes and hopping back into reality. He’s still clueless as to how the girl looked like, but he was determined to find out who’s the owner of those red luscious lips, and he would love it all over him again.

///

Sicheng came out of his room already dressed up, water still dripping from his hair to the towel that he placed on his neck. He made his way to the kitchen and he found the rest of his friends sitting around the table, smiling like idiots.

“What?”

He asked, already annoyed about how they’ve been acting all day, or at least, for the past two hours.

“Yangyang saw you enter your room last night. With a girl,” says Kun.

“Uhh, duh?” Ten replied, raising an eyebrow at the older as he grabbed the butter knife and spread peanut butter over a piece of bread.

“How sure is everyone that it was a girl?” Hendery squinted his eyes, trying to look intimidating as he interrogated his friend for further details about last night.

“Why is everyone so concerned if I fucked a girl or not? Or if I fucked at all?” Winwin replied in annoyance, coming out almost whiney, hoping that they would cut the questions out and leave him and his breakfast alone.

“You don’t know either, do you?” Xiaojun tried not to laugh as he stuffed a sunny-side-up egg in his mouth, failing at the last minute to the point that he almost spat some of it out.

Winwin sighed. He knows they will plague him with questions until next week and will do anything to squeeze it out of him at the best of their abilities. Him getting laid feels like some event to be celebrated because out of all the guys, he was the least interested in women. Not that he doesn’t like them, it’s that he just refused to do it unless he’s genuinely interested in the girl.

Or guy.

Was it a guy?

Winwin resorted to stuffing his mouth with as much food as he can because it would give him an excuse to not speak further and answer their questions. For how long he can keep it up is a question that he’ll have to face once his plate full of food is decimated.

///

By the time you get into your brother’s dorm, the whole place was so trashed that you even hesitated to proceed inside. However, your mother asked you that morning to come over to your brother’s dorm as he refuses to reply to her texts and respond to her calls that morning.

“Ssup, nerd.”

You always cringe whenever Hendery calls you that nickname. Not that it affects you or anything. It was just so… old-school. You’re a big fan of insults and you would certainly be happier if the nickname was a bit more creative.

“Ssup, failure.” You replied, sitting right beside him as you grabbed a plate and helped yourself with the food served at the table, courtesy of Kun. He’s the only one that’s competent enough to fry eggs that beautifully.

“Mom’s been calling non-stop since last night. I didn’t tell her I wasn’t with you. I couldn’t come up with an excuse so I just told her you slept early because of morning classes.”

Hendery snickered.

You and he have very different lifestyles. He was supposed to be two years ahead of you in college, but he’s always caught up in partying and having fun that he missed some subjects that he had to retake that year. One more fuck up and you’ll be joining him in classes next year. And as your parents’ only hope, you feel compelled to stay away from all the fun stuff until you graduate. That is also the reason why Hendery felt it was his moral obligation to shoo you away from last night’s party, despite sharing the same room as him.

At least that's what he told you. You have a reason to believe that he shooed you away last night just so he can do whatever he wanted without you around to snitch on him.

“Everything’s fine, kid. I already told her the same thing last night. You and I share the same brain.”

“Yes, except one of us has his brain fried by substance abuse and the other has a perfectly functioning human brain capable of making future science discoveries.”

Your eyes then diverted to the guy sitting right across you. He looked sickly and pale, his organs probably screaming inside asking to die.

“What’s up with him?” You asked your brother.

“He had done the deed with a guy last night.” Winwin, with an expressionless face, was quick to throw a flying spoon in Hendery’s direction. The milk splattered everywhere, but Hendery was able to evade it, laughing maniacally as he wiped the milk off of his arms.

“Hey, you’re good with this investigation stuff, right? Maybe you can help prince charming over here find his Cinderella?”

///

"Tell me what you can remember."

Winwin thought you looked ridiculous when you grabbed a pen and a notepad, looking like some low-budget investigator in the movie. He wasn't in the mood to play along, but he might as well humor you and find out what happened last night.

"This may not help at all, but I can't remember jack shit except for one thing," He paused. You raised both eyebrows expectantly, signaling him to answer faster. "Red lips. That's the one thing I haven't forgotten about."

You scribbled the word, red lips in your notepad.

You scribbled a few more words and nodded as if you understood its implication.

"Well, that doesn't narrow down the suspects at all."

You placed your notepad in your pocket and stood up from your seat.

"We shall now go and investigate the crime scene."

///

You decided that the crime scene was Winwin's bedroom since this is where he found himself last.

Winwin saw that you're very detail-oriented, looking at every nook at cranny to see traces of the mystery person around and aid in the investigation.

His room was cleaner than you'd expected, so finding things that stick out or are out of place will be a clear sign of the perpetrator.

You searched high and low, from the shelves to the bed, but you're only able to find two things that might help his case.

As soon as you lifted one of his pillowcases, you saw traces of red smeared across its white surface. Some of it even transferred in the bedsheets.

"Your story checks out. It is red lipstick." You lifted the pillow and walked towards Winwin, who's just sitting at one of his bean bags and mostly just observing you doing your stuff.

You pointed out the smudges to him and he nodded. You then proceeded to grab one of your magnifiers from your backpack and looked at the stains for closer inspection.

"Seeing its transferability, I can say that the lipstick in question has a satin finish. The shade, as far as I can see, is somewhere in between orange and bright red." You grabbed your notepad once again and listed down your observations.

"Know anyone who wears that often?" He proceeded to shake his head.

"Alright then. Now, we ask the witnesses."

You were about to leave the room when Winwin called you out to call your attention.

"Hmm?"

"I think there's something under the bed."

He stood up from his seat and proceeded to walk towards his bed, kneeling as he tried to reach for something below.

You were surprised to see what he found, though. In between his fingers is a piece of thin, lace material, glowing red just like the lipstick shade. It was someone's underwear.

"Yeah… I think we should keep that from the witnesses."

///

"Where were you at the time of the incident?"

As it turns out, the rest of the boys are no more helpful than Winwin. You just finished interviewing Kun, Ten, Yangyang, Xiaojun, and Lucas. The boys themselves barely remember what they did last night, let alone whatever their friend was doing. Meanwhile, the victim (aka Dong Sicheng) sat there right alongside you while you asked the questions. You asked them if they were helpful at all, but alas, nothing resonates to him.

"Hey, aren't you going to ask me about last night?"

Hendery popped out in the makeshift interrogation room (aka the living room) and sat down right beside you, peeking in at your notes.

"Nope. I only interview reliable sources. You can barely remember your stuff sober." You stuffed your notepad back again at your backpack, hugging it close to your body to keep it from your brother.

"I saw Winwin with someone though. He was making out with someone right just a few meters away from his bedroom."

"Go on…"

"I didn't see her well though. She was pinned across the wall and Sicheng hyung's body was blocking the view."

You sighed.

"See. It was pretty useless information."

He was about to say something else, but you cut him off.

"I'll keep them in mind, thank you very much."

///

You’ve finally sat down back again in the kitchen to give yourself a moment of peace to piece the things you found together. Winwin is just right beside you, just quietly observing just as usual.

Everything is laid out across the kitchen table, your notepad, the pillowcase, the underwear (which is kept in a ziplock bag for hygienic purposes).

“You still don’t remember anything?”

“I do remember seeing those before, but nothing is still coming out. I still can’t remember who she is.”

You can tell that Sicheng was getting a bit frustrated. He was trying his best to remember as he once again shut his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows, seeing if there is anything that he is missing.

As he did this, Hendery popped in again in the kitchen, this time holding a full laundry basket.

“I would just like to let you know that I am being a good brother and roommate by doing your laundry.”

“Yes, yes. Thank you Hendery. You did well." You smiled at your brother to acknowledge him, but you mostly did it just to shoo him away from the investigation room. He seems to have gotten the idea and left as soon as he showed the basket to you for one last time.

He shut the door and you were met with a deafening silence once again. This time though, you felt weird energy coming from the guy right in front of you. He stared at you for a long time, specifically your lips, and then he started to break down right in front of you.

"Shit."

"Hmm?"

You asked him what the problem was, but all that came out of his mouth are grunts and a string of curses.

"You alright?"

He was now going between laughing and frustration, rubbing his hands on his face as he lets out all emotions.

"It was you all along. You're red lips girl."

You smiled as you looked at your phone to check the time.

"Five hours. I'm impressed. If that was my brother, it would've taken him a week or two."

"Why didn't you just tell me? I feel stupid."

"And take the fun out of it? Nope."

You then watch him react, different kinds of emotions flooding in at the same time. You laughed as you stood from your seat and patted his back.

"What gave it away?"

He stopped reacting for a while, composing himself as he relayed his deductions to you.

"I had my suspicions when you opened your bag to get the magnifying glass. I saw a red lipstick tube scattered across but I dismissed it since any girl would have lipstick on her bag. I was also confused when you refused to acknowledge the underwear. I saw it from my point of view, but it's like you purposely didn't look under the bed just so you won't find it. You know it was there, didn't you?"

You finally grabbed a seat right beside him, interested to hear what he has to say next.

"And then there's Hendery's story. You didn't ask him to mess with him. It's because he did see us. I remember now, it's what got us in this mess in the first place…"

You nodded to acknowledge him. You've always known that he's a bit smarter than the other guys, but he was very observant as well. That's why he was quiet all the time.

"Lastly, when Hendery came in with your laundry, there was something sticking out," He picked up the ziplock and held it across your face. "The bra that came with this, it was sandwiched along with your other clothing, but the bright color stuck out to me."

"Mhm… " You nodded in approval. You didn't even notice that last one, but he was able to pick that as well.

"And then I stared at your lips for a while. That's when it hit me. It was the same lips that I claimed last night. The red lips that drove me crazy…"

You gave him a small round of applause as he finished his spiel.

"Honestly, you were on point on everything. I'm just sad that you can't remember anything."

His moment of clarity was shut down and he smiled apologetically.

"Want me to tell you what happened?"

He nodded profusely.

It was already two in the afternoon but Winwin still stayed lying in bed, clutching his blanket close to his body in an attempt to prevent the chill of the afternoon breeze from coming in contact with his bare skin.

The plan was to stay in bed until all remnants of the vodka and last night's shenanigans have washed away. Or until he dies from starvation. But his roommates have other things in mind.

"WINWIN HYUNG!"

He was jolted awake by the loud noise coming from his bedroom window. Half-awake, he peeked through the sheets to see what the commotion was about.

The first thing he saw was Lucas holding his now broken doorknob in one hand, happily waving it around like a lightstick. Hendery was happily mumbling some bullshit that he didn't care enough to comprehend. Xiaojun was holding a tube-like contraption that he assumed was confetti, Ten and Yangyang were on the side, dancing like the game show girls while holding up each side of a handmade banner stating "Congrats on getting laid!" badly written with a green crayon. Meanwhile, Kun at the end of the line, leaning back at the door frame with his arms crossed while watching all of the chaos unfold right before him.

"Fuck off..."

Winwin grunted and grabbed the pillow under his head, throwing it with full force so that it ended up hitting Xiaojun on his chest.

They seem to have taken the hint because they all scrambled outside, laughing their asses off as they try to get away and avoid getting their asses kicked by a martial artist.

Meanwhile, Winwin buried his face under the thick sheets, trying his best to block the light coming from outside from reaching his eyes, heightening his already throbbing headache. He was planning to stay in bed no matter how loud his stomach grumbled, but his resolve is weaker than he expected. Begrudgingly, he dragged his tired ass out of bed to take a cold shower, hoping that will shake his hangover out.

///

“Holy shit.”

This wasn’t the usual statement that he says to himself whenever he would look at himself in the morning. However, as soon as he lifted his head in the mirror to wash his face, he might as well be an extra for a horror movie.

All over his upper body, especially the neck and chest area, was filled with red smudges. He also found tiny hints of it at the corners of his lips. Upon closer inspection, he realized that it was lipstick.

Whoever he made out with (or had sex with) last night must’ve gone wild and tried to mark every part of him that she could place her lips on.

Winwin felt his heart sink. He couldn’t, for the life of him, remember who he was last night. Just like his body, the memories of her red lips lingered on his mind. But that’s about it.

It took him a long time to squint his eyes and try to recall the moments leading up to him getting on the bed with someone, but it only made his headache worse. Defeated, he chose to let everything go and proceeded to hop in the shower just like he initially intended.

He opened the shower, letting it get to his desired temperature before he stepped in and let the water flow from his hair to the rest of his body. He didn’t move, instead of leaning one of his hands on the wall for support as he closed his eyes and tried to soothe himself with the water pressure from the showerhead. He took a deep breath, letting the air come out slowly of his lips, eyes still heavily shut.

That’s when the memories kicked in.

He finally remembered being in that same position, in a familiar corner of their dorm, as he leaned over to kiss the girl with the red lips. He also remembered the heat, the intensity of the kiss as his subconscious made him remember that he was gasping for air afterward. And so, he resorted to kissing her jaws instead. She willingly returned the favor, which is probably where he’d gotten the smudges that he found that morning, and how her red lips formed a proud smile as she kept on going, painting his fair skin with her rouge.

He sucked in another lungful of air before opening his eyes and hopping back into reality. He’s still clueless as to how the girl looked like, but he was determined to find out who’s the owner of those red luscious lips, and he would love it all over him again.

///

Sicheng came out of his room already dressed up, water still dripping from his hair to the towel that he placed on his neck. He made his way to the kitchen and he found the rest of his friends sitting around the table, smiling like idiots.

“What?”

He asked, already annoyed about how they’ve been acting all day, or at least, for the past two hours.

“Hendery saw you enter your room last night. With a girl,” says Kun.

“Uhh, duh?” Ten replied, raising an eyebrow at the older as he grabbed the butter knife and spread peanut butter over a piece of bread.

“How sure is everyone that it was a girl?” Yangyang squinted his eyes, trying to look intimidating as he interrogated his friend for further details about last night.

“Why is everyone so concerned if I fucked a girl or not? Or if I fucked someone at all?” Winwin replied in annoyance, coming out almost whiney, hoping that they would cut the questions out and leave him and his breakfast alone.

“You don’t know either, do you?” Xiaojun tried not to laugh as he stuffed a sunny-side-up egg in his mouth, failing at the last minute to the point that he almost spat some of it out.

Winwin sighed. He knows they will plague him with questions until next week and will do anything to squeeze it out of him at the best of their abilities. Him getting laid feels like some event to be celebrated because out of all the guys, he was the least interested in women. Not that he doesn’t like them, it’s that he just refused to do it unless he’s genuinely interested in the girl.

Or guy.

Was it a guy?

Winwin resorted to stuffing his mouth with as much food as he can because it would give him an excuse to not speak further and answer their questions. For how long he can keep it up is a question that he’ll have to face once his plate full of food is decimated.

///

By the time you get into your brother’s dorm, the whole place was so trashed that you even hesitated to proceed inside. However, your mother asked you that morning to come over to your brother’s dorm as he refuses to reply to her texts and respond to her calls that morning.

“Ssup, nerd.”

You always cringe whenever Hendery calls you that nickname. Not that it affects you or anything. It was just so… old-school. You’re a big fan of insults and you would certainly be happier if the nickname was a bit more creative.

“Ssup, failure.” You replied, sitting right beside him as you grabbed a plate and helped yourself with the food served at the table, courtesy of Kun. He’s the only one that’s competent enough to fry eggs that beautifully.

“Mom’s been calling non-stop since last night. I didn’t tell her I wasn’t with you. I couldn’t come up with an excuse so I just told her you slept early because of morning classes.”

Hendery snickered.

You and he have very different lifestyles. He was supposed to be two years ahead of you in college, but he’s always caught up in partying and having fun that he missed some subjects that he had to retake that year. One more fuck up and you’ll be joining him in classes next year. And as your parents’ only hope, you feel compelled to stay away from all the fun stuff until you graduate. That is also the reason why Hendery felt it was his moral obligation to shoo you away from last night’s party, despite sharing the same room as him.

At least that's what he told you. You have a reason to believe that he shooed you away last night just so he can do whatever he wanted without you around to snitch on him.

“Everything’s fine, kid. I already told her the same thing last night. You and I share the same brain.”

“Yes, except one of us has his brain fried by substance abuse and the other has a perfectly functioning human brain capable of making future science discoveries.”

Your eyes then diverted to the guy sitting right across you. He looked sickly and pale, his organs probably screaming inside asking to die.

“What’s up with him?” You asked your brother.

“He had done the deed with a guy last night.” Winwin, with an expressionless face, was quick to throw a flying spoon in Hendery’s direction. The milk splattered everywhere, but Hendery was able to evade it, laughing maniacally as he wiped the milk off of his arms.

“Hey, you’re good with this investigation stuff, right? Maybe you can help prince charming over here find his Cinderella?”

///

"Tell me what you can remember."

Winwin thought you looked ridiculous when you grabbed a pen and a notepad, looking like some low-budget investigator in the movie. He wasn't in the mood to play along, but he might as well humor you and find out what happened last night.

"This may not help at all, but I can't remember jack shit except for one thing," He paused. You raised both eyebrows expectantly, signaling him to answer faster. "Red lips. That's the one thing I haven't forgotten about."

You scribbled the word, red lips in your notepad.

You scribbled a few more words and nodded as if you understood its implication.

"Well, that doesn't narrow down the suspects at all."

You placed your notepad in your pocket and stood up from your seat.

"We shall now go and investigate the crime scene."

///

You decided that the crime scene was Winwin's bedroom since this is where he found himself last.

Winwin saw that you're very detail-oriented, looking at every nook at cranny to see traces of the mystery person around and aid in the investigation.

His room was cleaner than you'd expected, so finding things that stick out or are out of place will be a clear sign of the perpetrator.

You searched high and low, from the shelves to the bed, but you're only able to find two things that might help his case.

As soon as you lifted one of his pillowcases, you saw traces of red smeared across its white surface. Some of it even transferred in the bedsheets.

"Your story checks out. It is red lipstick." You lifted the pillow and walked towards Winwin, who's just sitting at one of his bean bags and mostly just observing you doing your stuff.

You pointed out the smudges to him and he nodded. You then proceeded to grab one of your magnifiers from your backpack and looked at the stains for closer inspection.

"Seeing its transferability, I can say that the lipstick in question has a satin finish. The shade, as far as I can see, is somewhere in between orange and bright red." You grabbed your notepad once again and listed down your observations.

"Know anyone who wears that often?" He proceeded to shake his head.

"Alright then. Now, we ask the witnesses."

You were about to leave the room when Winwin called you out to call your attention.

"Hmm?"

"I think there's something under the bed."

He stood up from his seat and proceeded to walk towards his bed, kneeling as he tried to reach for something below.

You were surprised to see what he found, though. In between his fingers is a piece of thin, lace material, glowing red just like the lipstick shade. It was someone's underwear.

"Yeah… I think we should keep that from the witnesses."

///

"Where were you at the time of the incident?"

As it turns out, the rest of the boys are no more helpful than Winwin. You just finished interviewing Kun, Ten, Yangyang, Xiaojun, and Lucas. The boys themselves barely remember what they did last night, let alone whatever their friend was doing. Meanwhile, the victim (aka Dong Sicheng) sat there right alongside you while you asked the questions. You asked them if they were helpful at all, but alas, nothing resonates to him.

"Hey, aren't you going to ask me about last night?"

Hendery popped out in the makeshift interrogation room (aka the living room) and sat down right beside you, peeking in at your notes.

"Nope. I only interview reliable sources. You can barely remember your stuff sober." You stuffed your notepad back again at your backpack, hugging it close to your body to keep it from your brother.

"I saw Winwin with someone though. He was making out with someone right just a few meters away from his bedroom."

"Go on…"

"I didn't see her well though. She was pinned across the wall and Sicheng hyung's body was blocking the view."

You sighed.

"See. It was pretty useless information."

He was about to say something else, but you cut him off.

"I'll keep them in mind, thank you very much."

///

You’ve finally sat down back again in the kitchen to give yourself a moment of peace to piece the things you found together. Winwin is just right beside you, just quietly observing just as usual.

Everything is laid out across the kitchen table, your notepad, the pillowcase, the underwear (which is kept in a ziplock bag for hygienic purposes).

“You still don’t remember anything?”

“I do remember seeing those before, but nothing is still coming out. I still can’t remember who she is.”

You can tell that Sicheng was getting a bit frustrated. He was trying his best to remember as he once again shut his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows, seeing if there is anything that he is missing.

As he did this, Hendery popped in again in the kitchen, this time holding a full laundry basket.

“I would just like to let you know that I am being a good brother and roommate by doing your laundry.”

“Yes, yes. Thank you Hendery. You did well." You smiled at your brother to acknowledge him, but you mostly did it just to shoo him away from the investigation room. He seems to have gotten the idea and left as soon as he showed the basket to you for one last time.

He shut the door and you were met with a deafening silence once again. This time though, you felt weird energy coming from the guy right in front of you. He stared at you for a long time, specifically your lips, and then he started to break down right in front of you.

"Shit."

"Hmm?"

You asked him what the problem was, but all that came out of his mouth are grunts and a string of curses.

"You alright?"

He was now going between laughing and frustration, rubbing his hands on his face as he lets out all emotions.

"It was you all along. You're red lips girl."

You smiled as you looked at your phone to check the time.

"Five hours. I'm impressed. If that was my brother, it would've taken him a week or two."

"Why didn't you just tell me? I feel stupid."

"And take the fun out of it? Nope."

You then watch him react, different kinds of emotions flooding in at the same time. You laughed as you stood from your seat and patted his back.

"What gave it away?"

He stopped reacting for a while, composing himself as he relayed his deductions to you.

"I had my suspicions when you opened your bag to get the magnifying glass. I saw a red lipstick tube scattered across but I dismissed it since any girl would have lipstick on her bag. I was also confused when you refused to acknowledge the underwear. I saw it from my point of view, but it's like you purposely didn't look under the bed just so you won't find it. You know it was there, didn't you?"

You finally grabbed a seat right beside him, interested to hear what he has to say next.

"And then there's Hendery's story. You didn't ask him to mess with him. It's because he did see us. I remember now, it's what got us in this mess in the first place…"

You nodded to acknowledge him. You've always known that he's a bit smarter than the other guys, but he was very observant as well. That's why he was quiet all the time.

"Lastly, when Hendery came in with your laundry, there was something sticking out," He picked up the ziplock and held it across your face. "The bra that came with this, it was sandwiched along with your other clothing, but the bright color stuck out to me."

"Mhm… " You nodded in approval. You didn't even notice that last one, but he was able to pick that as well.

"And then I stared at your lips for a while. That's when it hit me. It was the same lips that I claimed last night. The red lips that drove me crazy…"

You gave him a small round of applause as he finished his spiel.

"Honestly, you were on point on everything. I'm just sad that you can't remember anything."

His moment of clarity was shut down and he smiled apologetically.

"Want me to tell you what happened?"

He nodded profusely.

(link to the optional smut right here)

[moviemunchies]

I figured if I ever do another series review for the blog, it might as well The Sandman. The comic has a place near and dear to my heart, and I was very excited to see the series when I saw that it was finally going to happen on Netflix.

I’ve seen a lot of people try to summarize The Sandman since the series premiered on Netflix, with varying degrees of success, so let me give it a shot: Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman is about Dream/Morpheus, the personification of creativity and imagination and one of the Endless, a family of anthropomorphic personifications. A creepy occult society tries to use magic to trap Death, but accidentally trap her younger brother Dream instead, and held captive for a hundred years as they try to bargain for power and immortality. Dream eventually breaks out, but OHES NOES! His magic items are gone and his kingdom’s in ruins. So he’s got to go get his stuff back and rebuild the Dreaming.

A heavy theme throughout the series is change–how the world has changed over time, and how Dream has to learn to change along with the rest of things. For Dream, who is an immortal being born in an earlier age of the universe, this is somewhat difficult.

This has been a work people have been trying to adapt for decades. It’s one of the most critically acclaimed comic books of all time, but it’s also very difficult to try to make into a blockbuster movie or television show. Not only would it require a big budget to depict the fantastical elements of the story, it’s not a straightforward hero’s story. There aren’t a lot of action scenes in the story. There are crazy stories about what different executives have tried to turn The Sandman into–supposedly Jon Peters (yes, THAT Jon Peters) wanted Morpheus to fight a giant spider. There’s also a moment Neil Gaiman mentioned on his Tumblr that involves Dream getting arrested? It’s crazy.

So now that we live in an age in which prestige television is all the rage, everyone is streaming everything all the time, and after Game of Thrones showed that fantasy television can work and be popular and critically acclaimed, the series finally came to Netflix. There were things that had to change in adaptation; none of the DC characters could be used on the Netflix series, so references to DC heroes like the Justice Society and Mister Miracle, which had small roles in the comics, had to be cut. Instead of using John Constantine, they use Johanna Constantine from the comics as both the modern day character and her ancestor (also they pronounce her surname the way the creators intended). I think some of the changes, especially in the second arc concerning Jed, Gault, and Lyta, are a lot more awkward because of their lacking the established material, but that might just be my familiarity with the comic messing with me.

Despite those changes, I’ve seen a lot of reviews saying that the series hews too closely to the comics. And it’s true that if you have read the first two volumes of The Sandman then the Plot is not going to hold too many surprises for you. I don’t think this was a problem; I don’t know what major changes should be made that would have really enriched the story. 

On the flip side I know that there are some relatively minor changes that mega fans might not love in the series. The changes that were made were not necessarily calls I would have made, but for the most part I get them. For instance, I think the Oldest Game sequence is better in the comics, and I think the way it’s done in the adaptation is probably a bit too obvious–but I understand that change, because the show wants to set up the conflict between Dream and Lucifer and that’s a lot easier when we see Dream beating the Devil at a game in public. Also it gives Gwendoline Christie more time to shine as Lucifer.

It works for the medium, is what I’m saying.

Do not forget that in some circles The Sandman is considered a horror comic–for good reason! Overall, I do not think a lot of the imagery is that creepy, but there are situations that are quite horrific overall. The 24/7 diner episode in particular had me on edge for most of its runtime, even though I don’t think as much happens as was in the comic (and for that I’m glad, because I don’t want to watch all of that).

But there’s so much to like here! The performances across the board are great, which is good news because they’re dealing with a lot of complex subject matter and inhuman characters, so this could easily have gone wrong. The imagery is weird and wonderful throughout, because this is a series about the world of dreams and its ruler, so we get some lovely scenes and sets that are quite different than you might expect in usual fantasy.

Do you like The Sandman comics? Then you will almost definitely like the series. If you’re interested in these ideas–about creativity, human imagination, mythology, all mixed with some very dark horror, then you should at least give The Sandman a try. I don’t think it’ll appeal to all fantasy fans; this is, after all, a very different beast than Game of Thrones or The Witcher. But if you find it enjoyable and stick with it, I think that you’ll find it a very rewarding experience.

And also you should read the comics anyway.

[popculturebuffet]

Scottrospective: Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together! or Days of Summer

Hello all you happy scottaholics! Welcome back to those of you who’ve read the rest of this retrospective and welcome to those of you just joining us. This is the Scottrospective, my look at all 6 volumes of Scott Pilgrim, the game and the movie. It’s all the video game refrenes, slice of life story telling and boob punches you can handle!

It’s been three months since I left off with “The Infinite Sadness” , and while I intended to cover this one for Valentine’s Day, my schedule got away from me and with March being full up, this ended taking till April

I”m not too put off by it though as the hiatus between these two reviews is fitting for this one both in story and out. In story there’s a couple month time skip between books, while out.. this book got delayed a few times.  

This is notable to me at least because this was the first volume of the series I bought when it came out. As i’ve brought up before I came into the series via the Free Comic Book Day Issue and the second and third volumes, picking one up later. I still have my original copies despite no longer really needing them thanks to having the color editions in general. Always will provided something dosne’t happen to them. So this was my first instalment that I got to read fresh and got to wait for and be hyped about and i’d saved enough money that I was able to pre-order it. So the experince of waiting and waiting for the book only to keep seeing it slide back is vivid in my mind as is the frustration I felt having the one thing I COULD NOT WAIT FOR, keep going further and further back. 

So with this long wait and the fact I bought this one when it came out, as I would for the next two which didn’t get delayed thank god, this volume naturally means a lot for me. When I wrote Scott Pilgrim fanfiction, this volume’s status quo is what I based it on. It was the coolest to me and the one I loved to reread the most. It has the most contained story, the most character growth at the time, and the best art due to Bryan’s style having finally hit it’s stride. Not that the art for volumes 1-3 is bad mind you, but it’s very clear his style was changing and shaping into what it is now with each one and while it’d change a bit more, this volume is where the style and quality everyone thinks of when they think of this series and the kind you see on various art done from it comes from. 

So as you can tell i’m excited for this one. Before we get started there WERE two shorter comics released between this one both for Free Comic Book day, the first of which, Free Scott Pilgrim, is the reason I got into the series and the second, the Wonderful World of Kim Pine .. was both delightful and sets up Kim moving in with Hollie for this volume. Originally I intended to cover these in this review.. but I realized they wouldn’t of helped the pacing and this review is going to be way longer than my standard as is.

So instead I came up with the compromise. I did review them.. but as bonus reviews on my patreon. For just one buck a month you can read them and help me reach my stretch goals which now include reviews of Lost at Sea, Seconds and SnotGirl, aka Bryan’s OTHER comics. You can find my patreon THROUGH THIS LINK HERE if your intrested in the exclusives or helping me reach my reviews. I also intend to do an exclusive of Monica Beetle, a short comic Bryan did starring Scott’s dad in the 70s at some point so keep your eyes peeled for that, as well as the three strips he did of Style, the comic that gave us the prototypes for Lisa and Kim. 

I will talk about their connections and setups for this volume briefly: FSP sets up the next ex as a ninja, with Roxy having a bunch of posters come to live and pummel our boy, while Wonderful World has Hollie tell Kim she can move in with her. It’s not much, hence why i made these exclusives but they are good stories, so check them out. And with that JOIN ME UNDER THE CUT, as we enter Scott’s world once more as he grapples with the past, employment, and saying the L-Word... which might be Lesbians. I don’t know. Find out bellow!

So we open Two Months after Volume 3 with a beach birthday party! Complete with Kim in a swim suit!

But it’s for Julie who lobs a volley ball at Scott’s head when he and Ramona try to make out. 

I also dont’ know if “Manfiesting out of all the world’s collectives sorrows” counts as a “birth” necessarily but whatever. I love a good beach story. It’s just a fun setitng for swimming, romance and battling a giant crab with the help of the bird what lives in your backpack.

So after the beach our heroes get dinner and Ramona sweetly calls Scott the nicest guy she’s ever dated. He responds with “That’s sad”. Blunt, but entirely accruate. Julie calls it pathetic and tries to counter Ramona RIGHTFULLY saying “who the hell asked you?” something that really should come after EVERYTHING Julie said with “Back off bitch i’ts my birthday”

So later that night Sex Bomb-Omb has a beach sing along, and I can’t help but notice Neil’s hairy legs. 

I mean yes it does make since for a 19 year old to have leg hair, but of all the characters besides Stephen, the ONLY other character we’ve seen it with to give it to, why the character you specifically single out as “Young” it’s just a weird choice I never noticed before. 

But anyways Julie has to whine about it because she’s Julie, she can’t stand other people being happy and complains the song...

One of my faviorite moments of the series. Knives puts a nicer spin on it, she’s here too and not over with Neil because, as we’ll find out later they broke up, but she just asks if Knives should be drinking. She shouldn’t but for fucks sake lady she was just trying to talk. I also do like that despite Julie trying to control Ramona’s love life, you know the thing the VILLIANS are doing, Ramona cannot stand her now.. and honestly probably never did. 

But Julie, SOMEHOW turns out to be right for once as Kim and Knives have disappeared later that night, and Scott elects to go look for them. Also Ramona says she wants to marry kim while drunk after Julie asks if she does. The throuple is strong with these three... serioulsy that’s my one true pairing for all three now. I mean it ballances out their collective flaws, it’s cute and Ramona is just as into her boyfriends ex as she is her actual boyfriend even when she’s not hamered. Why the fuck not?

Scott instead finds the two making out. I will confess I shipped these two when I was younger.. but I don’t. Not because their gay or anything or because I found another ship for them but because the age gap is still just as wide as it was for Scott. The game did not get this memo and made them a couple which is... ehhhhhhhhh. I mean I wouldn’t mind either being bi, but it just brings up the same problems even if their both hammered. I also question why this scene exists. No really outside of one face punchingly dickish comment from Scott later, this never comes up again and it doesn’t effect Kim’s or Knives character any. Why have this? it’s clearly not fanservice, it’s just a thing that happened. And while Scott Pilgrim as a series does have some of those, as does life and that’s fine.. this is a bit too major, i.e. Kim and Knives, two of the main cast, making out, drunkenly or not, to just.. gloss over you know? I feel Kim would feel majorly guilty for this, as she has the most active moral compass of the main group, and Knives would be massively confused but it’s just.. forgotten because I dunno. In a story that’s otherwise pretty stellar this stands out as an utter waste of potential. I’m not saying have them hook up, gay or not it’s still not better than what Scott did, but have them at least talk about it and have both grow or something from it. Sheesh. 

So we cut to.. another day. Maybe the next day I dunno but it’s August. Point is Scott and Wallace are grocery shopping and Wallace notes they can’t get fancy mayo as their barely in budget. I would’ve glossed over this scene... but @panur​ pointed out back around the Infinite Sadness review that this scene reveals something very intrestng: Scott.. is kind of a fincial burdern to Wallace. Before this while Scott mooched off him it wasn’t all that clear that Wallace was struggling. 

But here we notice that outside of some Havarti, it’s just the simplest stuff imaginable: turkey, bread, boxed mac and cheese ramen noodles... it’s nto BAD stuff, I have all of that in my house and it’s good stuff... but it’s not the kind of thing that you need to carefully budget for. Now granted part of this probably is Wallace as he likely spends a LOT on drinks, condoms and two 2 liters of diet soda a day.. but while he really needs to adress his alcohol issues, the rest is fair. He should be allowed to have as much sex and diet coke as he wants it’s his money. Same with the havarti. He earned it if he wants some really delcious cheese with herbs, seriously Havarati is the best, then that’s his bidness. But the rest of the time he’s barely managing to get  a basketfull of cheap food.. because he has to provide for Scott. It’s clearly something Scott dosen’t get and something I can relate to not getting. It took me a while to get how hard it is to budget for a full family, let alone two people on one income like Wallace has to. But Wallace is working on a nice job... but still a call center or something. He can’t pay for everything and the finccial stress is about to give as their landlord wants to meet with them. And as we’re about to learn things were even worse than we thought. 

Our heroes head home where we get a truly iconic conversation when, over margeritas (again proving my point that while Scott certainly isn’t HELPIGN wallace’s finacials, it’s not all on him)

This will be imporant later.. both the Lesbians part and Scott’s struggle saying it. he tried earlier on the beach but couldn’t get it out and Ramona clearly didn’t want to hear it as she kapt sshhhhing him.. playfully of course but still. 

So some time later it’s moving day! Kim is moving into Hollie and Josephs, and Scott, Stephen and Jason are helping. You might be wondeirng who the hell Jason is. He’s Kim’s boyfriend. I do not likes him. Not because he’s kim’s boyfriend, getting upset because a fictional character you fancy is dating is just patently stupid. I’ts like getting upset a celebrity crush is in a relationship: you had no chance anyway why. I wasn’t even bothered as a kid. I don’t really like him.. because he has no real personaliy and no real baring on the plot and I struggle to think why Bryan included him other than for a really annoying plot twist next time, which does not help my liking him knowing what’s coming. 

But while our heroes help our heroine move in, and Scott is suprised Hollie is there despite Kim having told him a minute ago she was moving in with her, something I can relate to sadly, we get something vitally plot important; Stephen passes Joseph’s room.. and notices he has a small recording setup in his room. Stephen quickly begs him to record the band’s album and Joseph agrees if only because he finds Stephen hot. Eh i’ve seen better relationships start on less, fair enough. And yes I said relationship more on that in a bit. 

So after a brief scene of Scott and Ramona having lunch where Scott fails to know her age and when Ramona says he could just ask.. hea sks and she dosen’t tell, not a bad scene character wise just not very plot important and probably should’ve bene swapped in order with the previous scene, we get to the next day. There’s a heat wave so Wallace orders Scott to go to the mall maybe find a job. He emphasises that. 

Instead Scott just sorta bums around thirst but nto having any money.. until an old face shows up. 

For those who forgot like Scott has, it’s Lisa Miller from the Volume 2 flashback, the girl who had a crush on Scott and was close friends with him and Kim. After a tackle hug  and some panic Scott eventually remembers.... if in a curiously unique and self serving way

At the time this was just hilarous. Now it’s very clear foreshadowing for the big twist in Volume 6. The two catch up while Scott is very clearly attracted to her but very clearly dosen’t want to be, with Lisa wondering where kim is, finding about Ramona, etc, before offering Scott lunch as the two catch up and Scott is very conflicted about how he feels. It’s nice visual stuff as he’s blushing, something more clear in the color version and trying to desperatley sort things out. As for why Lisa’s here she’s moving to the states soon, but is staying with her sister for now. 

So after an incdental scene with Wallace we catch up with Knives, who has broken up with Neil. And after some talk about Clash at the Demonhead, Tamra notes Knives apparently put a big x on her shrine of Scott... which baffles Knifves as she sure as hell didn’t do it and is still, sadly, obessed with Scott as ever. Granted Tamra isn’t at all helpful here claiming she did it even when she says she didn’t, is clearly confused and while yes we don’t know who else would care Tams, that just makes it all the more creepy. Stop gaslighting your bestie, she’s already got enoguh issues. She dosen’t need thinking she might have a split personality on top of the stalking, obession over a guy who has no intrest in loving her back, and attempted stabbings. Knives dosesn’t get a ton of focus in this one sadly. She kind of takes a back seat, and while sh’es not GONE from the volumle and someone close to her does impact it, she dosen’t really have any personal progression, negative or positive, like she does in every other volume, a shame since her personal jouney is one of the most intresting of the main cast. 

Anyways that night Scott hangs out with Lisa, having not gotten around to telling Ramona she exists yet and plays a game of find the Kim Pine. She goes to Neil’ and Stephen’s place for practice, but finds no one there and Neil being a dick... get used to that it’s going to get about 80 times worse soon enough. Though we do get this classic panel i’ve gotten some use out of 

He goes to Kim’s place, but she , Hollie and Satan’s Misterss have all left to Sneaky Dee’s, the local mexican place, for something to eat and Stephen is either high or doing.. something with Joseph. 

Yeah i’m not hiding that Stephen turns out to be gay in the final volume or cheating on Bitch and a Half with Joseph. And even if I hate Julie with the power of a frozen sun, I still dont’ think cheating on her is kosher. He could’ve just broken up with her and while part of it was likely confusion, and he could also be bi and not decided which one he wanted to be with, it’s still a dick move.. and later makes him a hypocrite but that’s a rant for next volume. 

So our heroes FINALLY find Kim, along with Hollie and Mouthface. And a nice thing I like is that Kim and Lisa are just.. increidbly close, happily catching up and making plans to hang before Lisa leaves, that despite Lisa having feelings for Scott the two ended up as close and She and Scott did and i’ts sweet to see. it’s also just.. rare to see Kim GENUINELY happy. I mean look at her

It’s not like she HASN’T smiled across the series but normally she’s just so miserable, likely because her best friends are a grumbly asshole who forces them to hang out with a raging typhoon of bitchiness, and an insenitive asshat who she never got closure with. This is the first decent human being whose not Ramona or Hollie, and that last one’s not going to last, in a while. It’s genuinely sweet to just see her.. enjoy the moment for once, honestly engaged with someone. Ramona shows up and finally meets Lisa, who apparently was on Degrassi.. I mean she says candaian show no one ever watched, and I watched that plenty but i’d like to think she was on there for a season or two. I liked Degrassi.. I honeslty miss it and think it could use some form of revivial and think porting it to netflix was a smart decision.. what wasn’t so smart was not having the other seasons leading into it on there. Need to watch more of it. 

So the next day Ramona stumbles into Scott’s dreams and both are annoyed, with Ramona suggesting he get a job. This finally gets him to try. He asks about Wallace’s work but understandably, he dosen’t really want scott there and asks if he even knows. So Scott sets out to ask his other friends for jobs, while Knives shows up saying she’s “totally not stalking him” but someone is following HER, a mysterious spiky haired dude in a black leather jacket, shades and with a sword on his back. Whu-oh. 

He tries Second Cup, with Julie annoyed that Stephen’s recording.. it’s hard to tell if she’s annoyed because she’s a bitch or because Stephen is both gneuinely annoying right now and clearly screwing around behind her back. My take?

But Scott realizes maybe getting a job at his Sister’s place of work who also works with his arch enemy might be stupid and backs out. He next tries Kim’s, but backs out of that too, admitting to kim it’d be stupid and Kim lists off all the reasons (His lack of resume, the fact them working together would be stresful and his ountain of late fees) why that’d be stupid, but in a jovial way. For once i’ts clear that while she’s still taking the piss out of them she isn’t mad at Scott.

In fact she genuinely helps him get a job, taking him to Stephen’s work since hers is dead right now anyway, a vegan place.  While Scott naturally compares things to a job system as he’d start as dishwasher while Stephen taught him prep, Scott agrees to genuinely take this seriously and Stephen’s boss decides “eh why not” when he asks her to employ him. Scott is gainfully employed baby! God I miss that. Seriously i’m not pimping my patreon for shits and giggles. 

But as he celebrates and Kim wishes she could punch his life in the face, they run into some trouble on the way home: Katana man who slices a motherfucking bus in half and chases them, with Scott reluctnat to fight because he has a sword and Scott does not, which is valid. He does escape though using subspace. He and Kim part awkardly and he returns home to Wallace throwing a party with two intresting charcters, a woman and a man of color, one of the few in the entire work, who are never seen again. 

The next night is practice.. or rather recording, and we start to see Neil get edged out, with him unable to come due to exams and clearly not happy about it, and Stephen just kind of ignoring anything he cares about like the dickhead he is. It dosen’t get any better as “recording” ends up just being Scott, Ramona, and Ratfaced Knacker watching bored with Joseph and Stephen work. Eventaully Scott and Ramona decide to get out of there as things are getting tensed between thing one and thing bitch, and leave.. and take Julie with them for some reason. 

So the three have dinner with Lisa, Kim, and Jason before The Mummies Curse thankfully leaves. Jason thought they were friends. 

We also get this exchange. 

I mean.. she is the better option. She his THE option. But before we can get the obvious answer of 

Stephen comes in with Knives. He smuggled her in. This leads to problems when Scott returns from the bathroom to find Queen Bitch throwing a bitch fit about him having brought her and screechs at her when she dares to talk to him “How do you even know my name?” Well Ted Cruz, you see when someone is an actually thoughtful and likes other people, they keep track of things about them and don’t constnatly tear them down or assume their partneer is automatically bonking a 17 year old instead of you know, actually forming something of a friendship and not shutting her out sensing she needs this friend group. Some people are not vacous piles of vitriol who care about nothing but themself and seem to go off at the slightest thing. 

Scott takes Ramona home but finds a drunken barely awake wallace so no sexy times. Not that he could anyway as the next day is the meeting with Peter their landlord. 

Peter reveals they’ll have to clear out by the 27th as their lease was for one year and their paid up.. as in only the first and last month. The two part melacholy knowing this sucks and isn’t a great situation. Then it’s time for Scott to work work, angelica, work work, eliza and peggy. After grueling day, can relate, he runs into  a wisp on teh wend and steels himself for a fight.. okay he bitches about it being too hot but it’s Scott. so it’s expected. He does get a hit in on his mysterious persuer.. and that’s when we meet Roxy.

Via boob punch, something Scott’s not proud of but in his defense, as Roxy keeps complaning about it, he was blindly struggling for a hit and din’t know the next Ex, or any of them, were female.. not that Ramona didn’t suggest it loudly enough by empahsising “exes” but scott’s a bit of a fuckwit. She mentions “everyone allways remmebers you”.. which is kind of ominus and tells me she tried to hook back up with ramona despite her having a boyfriend and she rejected her. Still on good terms though. But this confusing encounter ends with Roxy vowing she’ll get him next time gadget, next time. 

So we get some assorted slice of life scenes with the band, lisa and what have you as Scott tries to get in touch with Ramona but she keeps avoiding him. THat’s not worrysome at all. And Lisa brings up high school while drunk and clearly hits on Scott. He sidesteps it with her drunkness.. but this clearly isn’t over or going to stop being a problem. 

Speaking of problems Wallace makes Scott confront the truth: He either needs to find a new place to live or commit to staying, though Wallace is trying to nudge him toward asking Ramona to move into her place. Scott starts thinking it over, it being very hard especially since, as Stephen points out this was his very first place of his own.. but Stephen also points out these things are temoporary.. right before Scott ducks from katana guy. 

At work Scott wonders who it could be, though it turns out Stephen’s met him before, as he’s brought his family in here. So he’s PROBABLY not one of the exes.. but it leaves the question why he wants to cut Scott in half like Dewey Cox’s brother. But it turns out he’s nto the only enemy Scott’s casually running into as Roxy is there too.. with Ramona. 

The two talk, clearly about Scott and Lisa with Roxy trying to convince her he’s cheating and Ramona rightfully trusting Scott: while he IS attracted to her, he’s been fighting it every step of the way. Scott storms over to find out what’s going on and while Ramona is more distracted by his new job, she eventually realizes Roxy did attack him and he simply dscribed her poorly when he mentioned the incident over the phone. Scott is confused as he dosen’t get it. Is she with one of the exes what? After some hiinting from both parties, and Roxy rightfully mocking him for not getting the obvious... he finallyg ets it in the grandest way possible. 

So Roxy gets ready to fight and Scott can’t because sword, and gets fired in the background as he hides in Ramona’s bag and Ramona prepares to step in. Roxy screams at her for trusting him and defending him when Ramona.. just dosen’t her boyfriend to be bisected by her ex. A fight insues and a damn cool one at that. I honestly wish the movie had taken more from this, but simply didn’t have time leading it to instead be more like the envy fight with a bit of the Winfried Hailey fight from Free Scott Pilgrim. 

Roxy chases her and Ramona rightly points out Scott can’t run forever but takes him into Subspace.. where Roxy heads them off, having “taught you everything you know bitch” leading to a cool fight in the wintery version of subspace. Again why THIS wasn’t used instead I have no real idea. We also find out she’s a half ninja but she eventually leaves afer Ramona presses that button.. but Rammy is actually apologetic about it and Roxy’s “I hope you and your 24 children are happy together comment” is telling. 

Upon this readthrough of the volume.. I realized Roxy is the most layered and intresting of the exes next to Gideon himself. None of them are out and out terrible, but most of them have pretty simple motives: to kill Scott, ???, profit. Or in Todd’s case to kill scott, bang around and be a dick. But Roxy.. genuinely wants Ramona back. She’s the ONLY one who does: Gideon kinda does, but only in the sense that he wants her for his collection. But Roxy geninely still loves her, admitting so during this fight. And it’s not like she has no chance: out of the 7 exes she’s the ONLY one who parted with Ramona on anything resembling good terms. While intrestingly we don’t find out WHY they broke up, Ramona didn’t cheat on her like she did everyone else she was with. The two have coffee and hang out and Ramona geninely dosen’t even consider until Roxy tries to attack Scott that she’d really try killing him and tries her best to talk her out of it. But what holds Roxy back is her anger: She’s so bitter about the fact Ramona is bi or pan, so dedicated to viewing Ramona’s very orintation as a betryal (though Ramona calling it a phase dosen’t help and the movie RIGHTLY has Roxie comment on it and fly into a rage over it), and so driven to make sure the woman she loves dosen’t get hurt again that it blinds her to the fact Ramona dosen’t love her the same way anymore, and that while Scott is objectively a dick, and a cheater, and a greasy buttcrack pooflap, he is not a terrible person. A meh one sure, but he’s got good to him. She’s so biophobic she simply can’t see he’s a harmless moron.. well harmless to Ramona even with the cheating. He’s killed two people at this point and will kill again. Also she apparently has issues with only being a half ninja but this is never adressed. Point is Roxy’s really grown on me and is now probably my faviorite ex.  

Scott and Ramona talk it over on their way to Sneaky Dees and Scott finally asks to move in and gets a yes. His response is downright adorable. 

So at Sneaky Dee’s Young Neil is just a bit absolutely irate with Scott.. which isn’t fair as them not playing things is entirely on the blocky face asshole. Yell at him.. which he does, pointing out that they haven’t played shows in forever, and that the lady who owns Sneaky Dees not only runs shows, in the upstairs space, but has been asking them to play. Kim is rightly curious about this and to both Stephen just keeps saying “We’re recording right now.” And some of you may of wondered why I hate him. Well while he’s not exctly stellar in the first half in the second Stephen becomes goddman insufferable, slowly destroying the band for his affair and not giving one iota of a shit what anyone else wants. He’s a selfish, egomanical cheating prick. And yes I get it their recording an album.. but doing live shows would give them extra practice, MONEY, even if likely not a lot and exposure for said album. I get professoinal bands stop touring for a bit to do an album but you are not a professional band, and said bands still often iron out the album on the road. God you suck.

But while Scott sidesteps this argument he walks into another where Ramona confronts him about lisa about liking her.. and he rightly says if there was anything, which there was not it’s in the past. And while yes he is a cheater, she does not know this yet. This plot honestly would’ve worked better if she learned about the knives thing sooner, but instead she just comes off as paranoid for listening to Roxy about something that isn’t happening. Yes Scott’s been shown to be attracted to her.. but he’s been ashamed of it, fighting it and in denial about it, and is clealry all in with Ramona. Being attracted to someone else on a phsyical level does NOT mean your relationship is doomed. 

Things get worse as he goes home to ruminate.. and instead sees a man’s Penis. And Wallace..is at his second most unsymapthetic, not letting Scott get a shirt or a bus pass or something like a decent human being for no goddamn reason. Usually when Wallace is a dick to Scott, Scott’s earned it and badly needs a slap in the face. Here he’s just being a prick because.. the plot needs him to? I dunno it dosen’t work for me. It’s in character, I just don’t have to like it. 

So with no other options.. Scott ends up at Lisa’s. And so we get the last temptation of Scott. Lisa admits, embarassed that she’s been wearing sexy dresses and what not specifically to attract him, with Scott also mentioning how things are rough, Lisa tries to fight it herself pointing out he’s with ramona.. and when Scott points out they didn’t do anything in the past Lisa points out they should’ve.. and maybe they should now. 

We fade to black as Scott ends up in a dream and finds Roxy, who naturally has the same skill and tries to Freddy Kruger him before he wakes. He finds Lisa but they didn’t do anything: Scott pushed her away and babbled about how much he loved Ramona instead. As i’ve said.... his heart was never with LIsa... and even when he was so close to giving in he couldn’t. It’s a tangible sign of growth: He screwed around on Knives with Ramona, and given how bad things were getting with Ramona, it would be oh so easy to once again ditch a relationship the minute he found something else and oh so understandable. But... he dosen’t. He loves Ramona even if he hasn’t said it, he wants to make this work, and he’s changed. She’s changed him. He’s not quite a good man yet.. bu he’s getting to be good enough. Love turned him from a skeezy dumbass into a far more loveable dumbass. Ramona’s gotten him to stop dating a teenager (even if again he cheated), face his past with envy to finally move on and now get a job. He’s realized just hwo much she means to his life and world and so he goes to tell her. 

Riggghtttt after going to get his job back and works a shift, with steven wanting to punch his life in the balls. Stephen shut the fuck up. Just because Scott is lucky and your stuck dating satan’s scrotum does not mean you get to punch his life int he balls. Kim does, because he’s put her through more shit but not you. 

He goes to second cup to talk to Stacey.. only to end up at the wrong one where Knives also now has a job... and we finally get an answer to who the mystery katana guy is...

Yup turns out wielding giant weapons in vengance runs in the family. As for how he knows about Scott her aunt mentioned her boyfriend, everyone freaked out and obviously while her mom was mentioned as knowing in volume 1, they did not tell her dad whose brain turned into an engine of vengance and defaced the shrine. While part of it is apparnetly racisim for Scott being white the fact is he clearly saw Scott’s photograph. The guy is 5 years older. I get him being protective. Still dosen’t justify cutting off his head. His balls maybe but not his head. 

And then Scott ran, once agian finding a subspace entracne.. and this time we see inside ramona’s head and well...

Yeah.. that’s.. kind of fucked, and Ramona isn’t happy scott saw that, though she backs down once Scott explains..a nd then gets upset over him staying at Lisa’s but before SCott can tell her he loves her it turns out Roxy stayed over. So yeah, Ramona might of cheated, she tells him to alk it off and he runs around in a psycadelic haze of emtoinal confusion. And meets.. someone new...

Scott snaps out of his funk and ignores his doppleganger heading back for Ramona... whose fighting Mr. Chau. Scott left the door to Ramona’s head open and he followed him through Subspace. Scott lures him into the house and away from her only to run into Roxy. This leads to both of his attackers fighting and her wondering if Gideons ent him “Why does no one ever belivie in me?!” 

She soon realize no i’ts just unrelated and calls Scotto ut on hiding behind not having a sword and behind her being a woman, caling it a flimsy excuse. I mean she’s tring to kil lhim. It’s okay to hit an enemy combatant. Scott realizes he has to stop running... and get real with ramona leading to a truly epic, romantic and heartfelt speech and given how far he’s come and just how heartfelt it is it’s a real sign of how deep he feels. Sure we’ve seen genuine chemstiry between the two.. but htis moment is a shit.. from a simple relationship.. into true love. 

I may of only had a few but Relationships are not easy, They take work, they take time, they take patience and theyt ake love.. but if your willing to work with someone, look past some flaws and help them with the rest.. then it’s worth it. And Scott has finally realized it and for the first time in a while is running TOWARDS something difficult, actually working on this relationship and talking with his partner instead of running finding someone else or wallowing. He’s truly grown up. While he still has miles to go.. he’s taken about 50 steps forward with this. And as such given the kind of unvierse we’re in, as Ramona is genuinely touched by it he levels up a glowing sword with a heart shaped hilt coming out of his chest.. and realizing what’s happening he pulls it out....

So Scott faces off with roxy and in an awesomly short battle, their sords clash.. and he bisects her. 

Scott then honestly talks down Mr Chau who leaves after a nod, and Ramona tells Scott she loves him two. The two make out and all is well.

One make out fades into another, as we cut to Scott moving in with Kim and Blockhead’s help. Well kinda they only had one box but they owed him one. He and wallace comiserate over the end of their time as roomies. They’ll always be friend but it’s truly the end of an era. Also Wallace gets off another bit of dickery as he’’s very glad it all worked out for scott...

 Now there’s the Wallace I know and love. Dickish but just the right loveable kind of douchebag with that swagger. 

Back at Knives house she’s apparenlty into somebody though who I have no idea, Mr Chau give sher his blessing and she.. apparenlty doesen’t know chinese. I dunno. As I said her subplot this go round was her weakest overall. 

And so we end with the whole gang gathered to see Lisa off. It’s a REALLY nice shot, and one of the only times Wallace is seen with the Sex Bomb omb side of the group. Oh sure he goes to their shows and what not, but generally their never in the same vincinity so while there’s no interaction I still find this neat. Seriously the whole main cast is there, it’s a really lovely shot

Also Jason and Hollie.. who are getting awfully chummy. Whu Oh. And of course Craphole and Mouth Face are as likeable as ever. 

So we jsut get a genuinely nice sene. Except Stephen and Julie reconciling. Fuck that. Please move on. And as everyone fondly wishes Lisa adeu and wish she stuck arond the res tof the series we end on Scott and Ramona snuggling, Scott asking her her birthday and finding out she’s 24, and they both will be come september. Scott wishes this moment could last. 

They probperly snuggle as the volume ends on a high. 

Final Thoughts:

Yeah.. Gets it Together is, on rexamination, DEFINTELY my faviorite of the 6. Besides personal value i’ts hte best contained story, contaning lots of character development, great character moments, jokes, and EASILY the best art so far, with goregouness and creativty abounding. 

There is a problem here or there: Stephen and Julie’s subplot feels underbaked, and not just because I hates them, and there are several scenes that don’t further plot or character stuff. Ther’es also stuff that could’ve been expanded on.. but given this is still a pretty meaty graphic novel, it’s understandable why it wasn’t.. though it is why I’d love a streaming series since while the movie is excellent, a full series could expand on stuff from the books more Brian simply didn’t have time for. Knives also didn’t get a lot to do. 

But their drowned out by tons of great decisions: Lisa was a wonderful additoin to the cast and I genuinely wish she’d stuck around, adding in some energy, blending well with the Sex Bomb Omb crowd, and having great dynamics with everyone and her arc with Scott is heartbreaking,knowing she can’t have him but wanting him anyway having never gottne proper closure on the man she’s always wanted. She’s a heartbreaking character and its nice to see her end in a decent place and on good terms with Scott, having let him go for both thier sakes. 

And while Lisa is a highlight everyone is on their a game here for the most part apart from knives, girl hitler, and captain dumbass: Scott grows signfigantly but is funny as hell, Wallace has an intresting arc trying to nudge Scott out without being overt about it, scared to really confront him, Kim is in a happy and serene place for once and it shows. The villians are also intresting: While Mr Chau is a tad underbaked, he’s sitll a cool imposing presence. I do think he shoudl’ve had more to do with the plot.. but is still just so freaking cool it papers over that and him just.. disappearing after this like poor Lisa. 

Roxy is far more intresting, having clearly more going on than we see and while I wish we’d got her backstory, she’s easily the most engaging of the exes, being the only one to actively compete with Scott (All her and ramona end up doing is making out a little it turned out), and have bigger stakes than just “The glasses wearing douche asked me to beat up my exes boyfriend and I was like alright. 

All in all Gets it Together is really magical, the series high point, and just damn fun and it was a pleasure to go through

Next Month on Scott Pilgrim: It all falls down as we take a look into what once was my least faviorite Album, vs the unvierse. Two perfect assholes try and murder scott with Robutts, his relationship and band crumble and things get sad so very very sad. 

Next on this blog: More LIlo and Stitch! The Proud Family come to Kauai and get into a fight with our heroes. Also wizard kelly... who if nothing else is now far more tolerable now i’ve had to spend another volume with the wicked bitch of the west. Touche universe touche. See you at the next rainbow. 

[prokopetz]

The present tabletop RPG resurgence is great, but I can’t help but feel that a lot of the received wisdom that’s developing about how to run tabletop games is leading new GMs to make things harder for themselves than they needs to be.

Stuff like “I ignore 80% of the rulebook and constantly fudge dice rolls, that means I’m a strong independent GM with a clear vision for my game” -- like, yes, that may well be true, but that you’re having to do all that is a pretty clear sign that you’re using a wildly inappropriate system for the kind of game you want to run.

Basically, game rules are not unopinionated. Any game that claims to be universal is lying to you; yes, it’s true that a given set of rules can be reasonably setting neutral, but even the simplest rules bake in a huge number of very specific assumptions about how the game ought to be played. They have to, because that’s what rules do.

Of course, whenever the rules and the GM disagree about how the game ought to be played, the GM is going to win, but that’s not necessarily an argument you need to be having. To draw a parallel, it’s totally possible to start with the rules of soccer and gradually rewrite and pare away bits and pieces of it until you have miniature golf, but you’d have saved yourself a lot of headaches if you’d just started with miniature golf in the first place!

And the thing is, I don’t think most novice GMs are getting themselves into this position on purpose. A lot of folks seem to be getting misled -- sometimes by overzealous advocates of this or that popular system, and sometimes just by their own inexperience -- that there’s basically only one kind of tabletop RPG, and if the the game they want to play is anything other than that very specific game, it’s on them to figure it out from first principles.

Which just plain ain’t the case. Tabletop RPGs are a hugely diverse hobby, and whatever your perfect game is, there’s probably something very close to it out there already, no matter what it is you’re dissatisfied with. There are tabletop RPGs without dice, tabletop RPGs without GMs, and even tabletop RPGs without player characters -- and all of those are totally separate considerations from how complex the rules are. If your ideal game is a highly structured three-hundred-page tome about Regency era comedies of manners in the mode of Bronte and Austen?  That game actually exists -- as do countless others.

(Plus, even if you prefer to hack your own systems, you can benefit from expanding your horizons and seeing how other people have approached the subjects you want to take on. As a game author myself, I’ve frequently found myself in the position of having spent weeks or months bashing my head against a particular piece of game design, only later to discover that some game I didn’t know existed had solved that problem thirty years ago!)

And just so nobody can say I’m being a grump without offering any constructive alternatives, there’s an annotated rec list of forty-odd free or pay-what-you-want tabletop RPGs under the cut. If you want to take my advice but have no budget for expanding your library, check any of these out!

Abnormal - A scene-structured body horror game about a human being slowly consumed by an alien parasite. Uses a mix of dice and print-and-play cards, and supports solo, co-op, and three-player modes, none of which require a GM.

Adventures of the Space Patrol - A self-proclaimed “retro cute” RPG about a group of rather goofy pre-generated heroes having G-rated adventures in space. Based on a modified version of Fate Accelerated Edition, discussed below.

Always/Never/Now - A game and campaign in one, this cyberpunk RPG is intended to be played with a pre-made cast of characters, much like Lady Blackbird, below -- in fact, the two are based on the same core system, though they take it in very different directions.

Among the Beautiful Creatures (warning: direct PDF link) - A game about a world that’s forever ending, populated by shape-shifting muppety things -- picture Jim Henson does Fritz Leiber and you’ll have the right idea. Content warning for child abuse in the opening fiction.

Archipelago - One of the few “Norwegian style” RPGs available in English, this one uses card-based prompts to guide improvisational freeform play. The price listed at the linked page is for a charitable donation; the free version is linked in the description.

All Outta Bubblegum (warning: direct PDF link) - A dumb-as-hell 80s action game that uses actual sticks of bubblegum to track your character’s emotional state; when you’re All Outta Bubblegum, things are about to get real. You don’t have to play drunk, but it helps!

Anima Prime - A narrative high-action title in the mode of RWBY or Final Fantasy XIII. Something of a tactical exercise, but it achieves it via linked dice pools that can be wagered and spent on various effects rather than through miniature figures on a grid.

Atomic Highway - A Mad Max inspired post-apoc game about people with big ugly cars struggling to survive in the wasteland. Can scale from entirely human drama to settings with anthropomorphic mutant animals and weird psychic powers.

Blowback - A low-rent superspy intrigue game inspired by media like Burn Notice (and, to a lesser extent, the original Bourne trilogy), this one’s rules focus mainly on your relationships with NPCs, and how far you can push those bonds in service to your goals before they break.

Danger Patrol - An unreleased playtest draft of an atomic-age sci fi game whose big idea is mix-and-match character creation where you literally staple two randomly drawn half-character-sheets together to get your Atomic Professor or Psychic Robot player character.

Dragonfly - Self-described as a cross between Pokémon and Starship Troopers, this one’s a military action game where soldiers capture and train giant bugs to serve as weapons platforms, flying mounts, and other battlefield roles.

Encounter Critical - Created as a parody of the tabletop roleplaying hobby’s early days, this is purportedly a “lost” sci-fi action game from 1978 (in reality published in 2004) that transparently draws from Star Trek: The Original Series and Star Wars: A New Hope. Almost playable!

Engine Heart - A rules-medium survival game about goofy little robots searching for meaning in a world where humanity has gone extinct. It’s been described as grimdark Wall-E, and while it can certainly be used to do that, it’s more tonally flexible than it might initially appear.

ERA - An epic fantasy game designed for a GM and one or two players, this one frames scenarios with a formal seven-scene structure that can pack an entire adventure into as little as an hour, once you get the hang of it. 

Fate Accelerated Edition - Fate straddles the line between old-school “the GM says what happens” games and new-school shared narration games. There are dozens of versions out there; FAE is a good entry point, and a good primer for the more full-featured Fate Core.

Genius: The Transgression - A Chronicles of Darkness fan-game (i.e., using the same system as Vampire: The Requiem) where you play as mad scientists. The central theme could be described as “epistemological horror”, examining what it means to know things.

Hall of the Dwarven King - A solo logistics game that’s arguably more of a solitaire board game than a tabletop RPG, but I’m throwing it in because my post, my rules. It’s, well, it’s basically tabletop Dwarf Fortress. More playable than that makes it sound!

Henshin! - A super sentai (i.e., Power Rangers) themed game where a token economy based on “strong” moves (which cost tokens) and “weak” moves (which grant them) takes the usual place of dice. The link is to the original PWYW playset; a proper core rulebook is in development.

Honey Heist - A two-page RPG with a simple premise: 1. you are planning a complex Ocean’s Eleven style heist at a honey convention; and 2. you are a bear. No, not, like, an anthropomorphic talking bear; just a regular bear. Events proceed as expected.

Ironsworn - A Viking-inspired adventure/survival RPG that supports both guided play with a GM and GMless co-op play, the latter using a mix of shared responsibilities and random tables to let the players act as their own GM. Interesting use of printable cards for chargen, too.

Lady Blackbird - A resource-driven minigame built around a fixed scenario and pregenerated characters, concerning an exiled noblewoman-slash-sorcerer -- the eponymous Lady Blackbird -- travelling to meet her pirate lover in a spacefaring steampunk setting.

Lasers & Feelings - This Star Trek: The Original Series inspired romp is a microgame in the truest sense, managing to pack character creation, rules of play, a random scenario generator, and even an illustration into a single letter-size sheet of paper.

Mist-Robed Gate - A wuxia-themed game that replaces dice with the “knife ritual”, which involves a series of gestures culminating in stabbing each other’s character sheets with an actual knife. Playing on a surface you don’t mind getting holes in is recommended.

Motobushido - A playing-card-driven game about samurai motorcycle gangs where conflicts are decided less by strength or skill and more by how far you’re willing to push the boundaries of honour to win. Note that the pay-what-you-want version is available in ePub format only.

Mutant Future - One of two old-school D&D retroclones on this list, this one is basically Gamma World with the serial numbers filed off, which means gnarly mutant anthro animals getting up to shenanigans. Note that the free version does not include illustrations.

Mythender - A god-kicking game where everybody is basically Kratos from God of War. Highly structured; while the actual rules could be squeezed into a couple of pages, the interactions between them are complex. Most of the core rulebook consists of a guided tutorial.

Oculus v2 (warning: direct PDF link) - A solo guided writing exercise in tabletop RPG format, this one casts you in the role of a wizard magically scrying on your own player character. One of two similar games of the same title; the other doesn’t appear to be online at the moment.

Perfect Unrevised - A psychological horror game about heroic criminals in a steampunk dystopia that examines what taking the Victorian ethos to its logical conclusion actually implies. Uses a rotating scene structure where each player serves as a different player’s GM.

Poet Glorious - A game about heroic and doomed warriors where the conflict resolution rules play out essentially as a cross between the Prisoner’s Dilemma and a haiku poetry slam. Make sure your friends are cool with casual betrayal before playing!

Pokéthulhu - A parody game about capturing and training miniature Lovecraft beasties that actually does a better job of its source material than most serious attempts at a Pokémon RPG. Well suited for one-on-one play owning to its duelling-focused combat system.

Risus - One of the great-grandparents of the modern rules-light ethos, this comedy-themed game breaks down characters into a handful descriptive clichés that serve as both stats and hit points. The basic game is free; the supplement is not.

SCrawl - Short for “solo crawl”, this one is an old school kill-the-monsters-and-take-their-stuff dungeon crawler designed to be played by one player, no GM. Honestly not my cup of tea as far as solitaire gaming goes, but it’s very good at what it does.

Sea Dracula - I’m breaking my own rules here, as this one is neither free or pay-what-you-want, but it only costs a dollar. It’s about animal lawyers having courtroom battles that are resolved via dance-offs -- by which I mean the players must literally get up and dance!

The Shab-al-Hiri Roach - A competitive, GMless game of campus politics in a New England college town that’s been infested by a soul-eating telepathic cockroach from the dawn of time, whose commands are represented by print-and-play cards written in ancient Sumerian.

Stars Without Number - A space opera hack of original flavour (i.e., pre First Edition) Dungeons & Dragons. The free version is basically feature complete, though there’s a paid version that adds rules for transhuman tech, giant robots, and a few other bits and bobs.

The Storybrewers Free Game Library - A collection of six GMless minigames, some collaborative and some competitive, running the gamut from heroic archaeologists in the mode of The Mummy (1999) to Game of Thrones style dynastic backstabbery.

Sufficiently Advanced, Second Edition - A diceless transhuman space opera game where “sapient city” is a valid starting character concept. Maintains spotlight balance between baseline humans and unfathomable space gods using player facing plot-editing rules.

The Tragedy of GJ237b - Describing itself as “a role-playing game for no players”, this one is unplayable in the strictest sense of the word. A good conversation piece for the games-as-art crowd, though most of those conversations will be arguments over the definition of “game”.

Wisher, Theurgist, Fatalist - A sort of meta-RPG about the process of writing RPGs that, in practice, works something like a cross between a guided writing exercise and a nomic. Whether it’s playable (or even meant to be played) as written is a matter of some debate.

WitchCraft - One of the original contemporary urban fantasy RPGs. The rules -- an early iteration of the system that would later appear in games like Conspiracy X -- kind of show their age, but if you’re, like, a huge Mercedes Lackey fan, this game is written especially for you.

Wizards - A game with a straightforward premise: you and your friends are a. nigh-omnipotent wizards, and b. just awful, like seriously the worst. A simple shared-narration game where most of the fun comes from getting to describe the consequences of your fellow players’ mistakes.

Wushu - A high-action martial arts game that strips the rules about as bare as you possibly can and still have something that qualifies as a “game”. The PDF version will set you back a few bucks, but the web version is free to read.

Young At Heart - Now here’s a specialised piece of work: a 1990s style sports drama oneshot game whose central conceit is that each session is framed as a series of flashbacks that occur entirely within the span of a retiring baseball player’s final pitch.

[nose235678]

So, I’m really late to the party on this one...

Turns out, through all this time that I’ve been putting off my writing, because I was unable to properly envision my OC’s appearances in my head, I never knew about a little website by the name of picrew.me. It has changed the game...

What the hell, right? I just went on TikTok today and saw people posting with the available character creators and I felt like an idiot for two reasons:

Because I’m a writer, not an artist. I’m too impatient to sit for that long to draw out as many characters as I need to for my main original novels or the occasional fan fiction I write to test out new OC’s personalities.

Because I grew up playing “dress-up” games like every other member of my 2000’s baby generation (I’m 20) and I never for a moment thought of trying to find a program that might be able to do my art for me for free (not that I don’t support people going to freelance artists, I intend to seek one out for book covers soon, but I just lack the budget to get portraits done for the number of characters I have).

So, what the hell is wrong with me, right?

I’ve been wasting all of this time struggling with what I couldn’t see and now...? I’m writing more than ever and I’m not confused! It’s a huge weight off my shoulders and I finally intend to share a few of my creations to show off some of the different art styles offered by the selection of character customization programs...

My first example is Persephone from my latest endeavor into writing an X-Men story.

She’s a young mutant who was born into a Jewish family with the power to control and manipulate plant life. However, this ability didn’t develop until she turned ten and ran away from the hand of a violent father and straight into the care of a marooned alien. One we all know and love, Groot who crash landed on Earth (an event that will eventually lead him to Rocket in the years to come, but for now this moment is set before X-Men: Days of Future Past. Before Magneto’s speech is given on tv and life changes for mutants forever).

With the help of her mutation, she’s able to hide Groot’s true identity as an extraterrestrial. Claiming upon her arrival to Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters that she made him by accident when her mutant-phobic father raised a bat in hand to kill the "abomination" he'd brought into the world. Not that it was entirely a lie, she could replenish and understand him through her abilities. And we all know how protective our beloved seven foot tall tree monster can be of small, mostly defenseless, screaming creatures.

As for the details of her abilities, they follow thusly:

Her canine teeth are elongated and incredibly strong along with the rest of her chompers as her mutation affects her metabolism and she needs to eat a large amount of heavy protein to maintain her strength, meaning beef, chicken, eggs, fish, etc. She identifies as a carnivore, because eating uncooked veggies can get a little awkward when she can hear the cherry tomatoes in her salad talking. Asking not to be eaten. As a result, she takes classes and puts herself in charge of planning meals/grocery shopping for the team. She’d rather die than eat unseasoned food.

Her hair grows like a weed and resembles the color to boot. Flowing in lengths of green, but it changes with the seasons. Going from lime green in the spring, to emerald in the summer, red, yellow and chestnut in the fall and in the winter...seasonal depression kicks in with a force to turn her flowing tresses black as potting soil. This however can be treated with her depression through the use of stimulants, mood stabilizers and a cubic butt-load of coffee, because just like pine trees, her internal biome loves acidic foods.

Though, because of its composition and advanced growth rate, she keeps her hair teased neatly into locs and can be often found preening herself whenever she’s not grooming every last sprout and bud in the Manor’s greenhouse where she lives with Groot to keep him company. And depending on her mood, her hair can sprout flowers based on whatever she’s feeling. Anger will sprout a crown of thorns, heartbreak grows anemones and intense love could cause whole bushels of forget-me-nots to bloom in their mesmerizing blues and violets.

And who do they bloom for? For the very first time after years of attending Xavier’s school? After being kidnapped by and defeating Apocalypse? Saving Warren/Angel’s life...? Why of course it would be one Mr. Kurt Wagner, fresh out of the circus who would take one look at her green hair with freckled, clay-colored and his blue features would go straight to purple after the fight in realizing that he wasn’t alone. There were other mutants out there in the world who looked different and Percy...? She was nothing short of her namesake. A true Spring goddess who melted the moment he wandered lost into her green house and wasn’t afraid of Groot. Even after the giant tree tossed the boy across the room like a rag doll, thinking he was attempting to sneak up on his little green-thumbed friend...

Needless to say, they would hit it off, despite a few trials given the disapproval of her new best friend, Warren who was still bitter about Kurt accidentally burning his wings during the cage fight. Though, with the new, fluffy white ones that Percy would help him grow with a special herbal brew...? After the X-Men agreed to take him in an hide him from his family...? He really had no right to complain...

And you never know...maybe one day because of them, a new generation of X-Men might come into the world...

I was able to come up with all of this story because of Picrew, so if you’re struggling like I often do, why not give it a try? It’s totally free and even fun if that’s your sorta thing. So, feel free to let me know if any of you want me to show off anymore of my OC’s sometime. I’d be happy to oblige...

[ladykissingfish]

Under the Mistletoe with the Akatsuki // Part Nine // Pein (Nagato)

Leader. Never in a million years did Nagato Uzumaki believe he had it in him for be a leader, and especially not one of a group of S-ranked criminals like the ones that comprised his Akatsuki. But perhaps he really wasn’t; after all, save for Konan, none of them had even met him before. All they knew about him was Pein, the body that he animated and controlled through his chakra. Yet despite all he and his group have accomplished, the nagging feeling never leaves him ... that Yahiko would have done a much better job than Nagato. It’s one of the main reasons that Nagato fashioned his main Pein-body after his old friend; to try and infuse some of Yahiko’s wisdom and charisma into his own leadership style. One of the things Yahiko often stressed was the importance of having people around you that you could trust, and depend on. In short - friends. Aside from Konan, Nagato doesn’t truly consider anyone in this organization to be his ‘friend’ ... rather, he’s come to think of the group as a whole of being his family. And apparently families played games with each other, hence why he (as Pein) agrees to this mistletoe game now.

Kisame

“Good evening, Leader.” Kisame was by far one of the more desirable members that Nagato had strived to bring into his group. Mature, experienced with battle and ninjutsu, and one of the fabled Seven Swordsmen of the Mist. In any given situation, in any conflict between members of the group, Kisame will most often be the voice of reason. Nagato chose to pair him with the young but mature beyond his years Itachi, believing they’d have much to learn from one another, and he was correct. Out of all the duos, theirs was probably the most stable (and certainly the least problematic). Despite being both tall and intimidating, the half-shark had a surprisingly gentle, almost shy nature to him when one caught him in a one on one situation, as was the case now. Kisame walks up to Pein but seems unable to take the initiative, so Pein does so himself. He puts one hand on Kisame’s shoulder, leans up slightly, and kisses his cheek. Kisame blushes and grins, before going back to his room for the evening.

Sasori

Unbeknownst to the others, aside from Konan, Sasori is the only member of the Akatsuki that knows that Pein isn’t who (or what) he presents himself to be. After all, spending years hidden inside a puppet body gave one a little leeway into seeing into (or perhaps seeing past) others’ true selves. But Sasori understands Nagato’s need to conceal his real body; in fact, he’s even helped him a few times. He’s travelled with Konan before to meet the actual Nagato, when the latter came down with an illness that Konan wasn’t sure how to treat. Sasori used his extensive knowledge of medical procedures to help Nagato, and since then, the two had become good friends. He also gave him valuable advice (again from his own experience of using chakra to control multiple puppets at once) to Nagato in how to more effectively maneuver his Six Paths of Pein bodies during battle, even helping Nagato to tweak them to better control their movements. Sasori shows Nagato (and ultimately, Pein) the same respect that he would a fellow master puppeteer. He approaches Pein now, in his own body. Pein leans down and kisses his cheek, and the two nod at each other before Sasori returns to his own room.

Itachi

“He murdered his entire clan in one evening.” “Are you sure?” “Well, all but his younger brother. But I’m sure if he ever got the chance —“ Nagato still remembers the conversation he had with Konan, the day before they brought Itachi into the Akatsuki. Nagato had been against it at first, believing that one who could commit such callous atrocities against his own clan and family would no doubt have trouble turning against a group of people that were strangers to him. But Itachi pleasantly surprised Nagato, with how calm, and quiet, and kind he was. He often forgets how young Itachi is, considering he speaks and acts like a man decades older. But still ... there was a sadness that could be felt whenever Itachi was in the room, tangible even to someone who’s “real” body was quite far away, like Nagato’s was. When Itachi comes to him, the Pein body reaches out and pulls the boy into a hug. Itachi seems surprised, but whether out of respect to the leader or because he truly needed it, he lets the embrace happen. The two stand there for longer than seems feasible, until Pein breaks it by gently kissing Itachi’s forehead. Itachi steps back, gives Pein a smile (which turns back the clock even more and makes Itachi seem like a child) and goes back to his room.

Deidara

Nagato felt real, valid concern when bringing the 15 year old Deidara into his group. Besides being the youngest, besides having that volatile temper and wanton pleasure in causing chaos and destruction ... the kid was beautiful. An odd word for a male, perhaps, but it was the most fitting term for him. In the Akatsuki it was more or less made clear that Konan was off-limits in terms of things like that, but Deidara ... with his long silky hair, big blue eyes, soft skin ... what was to stop one (or possibly ALL) of these older (and likely stronger) members from attempting to — but Nagato was lucky, in that everyone exhibited more self-control than he gave them credit for. And pairing him first with the older Sasori and then with the wily Tobi had seemed to be good choices, as well. One taught him maturity, and the other, patience. Although sometimes — “Oi, Leader ... can you talk to Kakuzu for me?” “For what?” “He won’t let me have an advance on my pay, because he says I’m just going to waste it on ‘my stupid clay’, hm!” “I do not interfere with the financial decisions of my treasurer, Deidara.” “But —“ Pein kisses his forehead and says, quietly, “Learn to exercise restraint when it comes to your artistic endeavors, Deidara.” Deidara grumbles as he walks away, and Pein smiles and shakes his head as he watches him go.

Kakuzu

“Pein. No matter what Deidara said to you, you won’t convince me to give him an advance on his pay. That boy is already three weeks into his money, and our budget simply won’t allow —“ “Do not fear, Kakuzu. I don’t intend to step on your toes regarding our finances.” Never in Nagato’s life has he met anybody quite so concerned with money as Kakuzu. He was strict not only with his own money, but every other member’s, as well. While Nagato found this to be a character flaw at first, now, he saw Kakuzu’s thriftiness and frugal tendencies as being a God-send. It was only because of him that they were able to move from hideout to hideout, to put food on the table, to buy clothes and weapons and any number of things that the group needed to survive. But his finance-savvy ways weren’t even the most impressive thing about him; it was the fact that he dealt with Hidan, day in and day out, and had not been driven to madness. The older man walks up to Pein now, lowers his mask, and delivers a light kiss to the cheek. Pein nods and watches as he leaves, noting, as he often did, his cold Kakuzu’s skin is. Nagato can feel it through Pein’s sensors; standing close to Kakuzu is much like standing in front of an open grave. He often felt that he should suggest redesigning Kakuzu’s Akatsuki robe to make it warmer, but Nagato knows that this suggestion would be rapidly rejected.

Zetsu

On the day that it is Pein’s turn under the mistletoe, Zetsu is nowhere to be found. Nagato knows where he is, of course; traveling through the earth at the speed of sound, going to scout out an enemy territory before the Akatsuki makes a move on it. Zetsu and his infiltration skills have helped Nagato countless times in the past, providing valuable intel on targets and mapping out the most problem-free routes for the rest of the group to take on missions. Still, though; there’s something about the plant-man that gave Nagato the slighter touch of unease. Being near Zetsu, even through the barrier of Pein, gave Nagato the feeling of being inches away from a wild animal. Hearing him speak was like listening to a dog that suddenly begins speaking in a human tongue. Nagato is very glad that Pein does not have to kiss this individual, and in fact hopes that his turn will end before Zetsu makes his inevitable return.

Tobi

Tobi, Tobi, Tobi ... such a confusing young man. Such a surprising young man. Many months ago, the Pein-body walked into Tobi’s room to retrieve him for something, and happened to catch him sleeping. Nagato was curious and made his artificial body approach the side of the bed that Tobi’s face was on ... but all Nagato was met with was darkness. A solid, blurred-out black where the boy’s face should have been. Nagato thought that perhaps something was malfunctioning in the Pein body’s ocular region ... but everything else was clear as a bell. Did Tobi have some kind of exterior defense mechanism set into place that would bar Pein, specifically Pein, from seeing his actual face? And if that was the case, then WHY? What exactly was he hiding?? It made Nagato nervous, but he never let this on to Tobi. “Pein-sama, Pein-sama! Is it Tobi’s turn for a kissy?!” Pein nods and Tobi approaches him, slides his mask halfway off ... and again all Pein can make out is blackness. He can feel his cheek being kissed, but his vision doesn’t return to 100% until Tobi’s mask is fully back in place. “Thanks, Pein-sama!”, Tobi says; and is it Nagato’s imagination or is there a touch of smugness to his voice? Well, regardless, the kid is leaving, and a Nagato can put him out of his mind once more.

Hidan

“I’ve had to kiss every single one of you fucks, including the old geezer and the orange idiot. Now I’ve gotta slobber with the boss too?? What’s next; are we are jumping into bed and having a group fuck?!” Nagato hadn’t rolled his eyes in many years (and rolling Pein’s eyes would have been an unbecoming gesture for a leader), but hearing Hidan speak always made Nagato want to break this self-imposed rule. With his additional bodies, his Rinnegan, his seemingly unlimited chakra and his fabled Uzumaki clan endurance, Nagato considers himself to be an earthbound God. But then this kid, this foul-mouthed violent crusader, comes into the group speaking about HIS God, Lord Jashin, and flaunting his (admittedly enviable) gift of immortality. From the very beginning, Hidan made it clear that offering sacrifices to his God was his main priority; and the kid wasn’t lying. It’s always been Pein’s (Nagato’s) mandate that as long as one completed their assigned mission, then they would be free to do as the my liked in their spare time. But Hidan’s preferred “hobby” left even someone as war-weary and hardened as Nagato feeling a bit queasy, in the pit of his stomach. “Come, Hidan.” Hidan visibly balks at being given an order; but he’s never love hesitated to obey the Leader. He goes to Pein and, after Pein studies his face, receives a kiss on the nose. The gesture is so light and whimsical that it leaves Hidan blushing and flustered, as evidenced by his leaving without uttering a single swear word.

Konan

The kiss between Konan and Pein is ... disappointingly short. Surprising, considering how close the two of them are, and how much Pein seems to care about her. But it’s a very quick forehead peck, and then both Pein and Konan retire to their rooms. The Pein-body shuts down in his own room, but Konan is getting dressed. It’s a somewhat lengthy journey, especially for this time of night, but one Konan is very familiar with. She comes every single day, after all, after everyone else is asleep or preoccupied for the evening. The old cave is so far into the woods, and from the outside seems abandoned, but ... “Nagato? I’m here.” Nagato turns his head and, although he’s happy to see her, can’t help but sigh. “You’re soaking wet.” Konan uses her cloak to wipe her face, telling him it’s not a big deal, just a little drizzle outside... but it is to Nagato. Trapped like this, a prisoner of his body and his hatred and pain ... anybody else would have walked out and left him years ago. But Konan, no matter what, she stayed by his side, and showed him more caring and comfort than Nagato felt he deserved. “I brought you some beef and curry rice tonight,” Konan said, now uncovering a small bowl. “It’s still warm.” She moves into position to feed him, and as she does, she quietly tells him little tidbits about her day. It’s solely through Konan that Nagato has any sense of the outside world at all, or any REAL idea about what the members of the Akatsuki are actually like. And he’s grateful to her. He’s grateful to her for so many — “Konan?” She looks up from where she’d been tidying up. “Yes?” “I’m so sorry.” She stops and looks at him, head tilted. “Sorry? What are you sorry about?” “I’m sorry that you’re not married, I’m sorry that you don’t have children, or a family, I’m sorry that you go from hideout to hideout and village to village and all you see is the same pain we saw when we were kids. And I’m sorry that things are only this way because of me. I couldn’t save Yahiko, and I’m destroying you, and any chance at happiness you could have had. I never meant for things to be this way. I’m —“ but Konan’s arms are around him before he can finish his sentence. “You’re a goddamn idiot,” she mumbles, her voice slightly shaky. “Yahiko dying wasn’t your fault, and my life — my life is full, and despite what you may believe, I’m happy, Nagato. This Akatsuki you’ve created; you’ve done two things. You’re fulfilling Yahiko’s dream, and you’ve given me, US, a family. So stop with this nonsense, okay?” “But I —“, and Konan interrupts him again, this time with a soft kiss on the cheek. Her lips breathe warmth and comfort into his chilled skin. “You’re the most important person on this earth to me, and I love you,” she murmurs as she pulls away, a smile on her face. “But I swear if you don’t cheer up, you’re not getting any of this dessert I made.” A pause, and then, with a smirk reminiscent of the shy boy he once was, “I’ll only cheer up if it’s something I like.” “Strawberry pie.” Nagato gives Konan an even bigger smile, to which she replies “That’s better”; and the two laugh. He feels like a weight has been lifted off of his heart. After dessert, he tries to mentally prepare himself for her leaving again ...but to his surprise she pulls a blanket from her satchel spreading it out neatly along the ground. “You’re staying tonight?” “I’m staying.” “Good. I love you, too, by the way.” “I know.” Before bed she spends a good deal of time gently brushing out his hair, telling him jokes and stories, the same that she used to do with him and Yahiko when they were all children, during those many long, cold nights when hunger or anxiety kept them awake. Neither is present now, but the goodness of the feeling remains the same. After awhile they both fall asleep, and for once their dreams are calm and peaceful.

[felassan]

Insights into DAI’s development from Blood, Sweat, and Pixels

The book is by game industry journalist Jason Schreier (it’s an interesting read and well-written, I recommend it). This is the cliff notes version of the DAI chapter. This info isn’t new as the book is from 2017 (I finally got around to buying it). Some insight into DAO, DA2 and cancelled DA projects is also given. Cut for length.

BW hoped that DA would become the LotR of video games. DAO’s development was “a hellish seven-year slog”

The DAI team are compared to a chaotic “pirate ship”, which is what they called themselves internally. “It’ll get where it needs to go, but it’s going to go all over the place. Sail over here. Drink some rum. Go over here. Do something else. That’s how Mark Darrah likes to run his team.” An alternative take from someone else who worked on the game: “It was compared to a pirate ship because it was chaotic and the loudest voice in the room usually set the direction. I think they smartly adopted the name and morphed it into something better.”

A game about the Inquisition and the large-scale political conflicts it solves across Thedas, where the PC was the Inquisitor, was originally the vision for ‘DA2′. Plans had to change when SW:TOR’s development kept stalling and slipping. Frustrated EA execs wanted a new product from BW to bolster quarterly sales targets, and decided that DA would have to fill the gap. BW agreed to deliver DA2 within 16 months. “Basically, DA2 exists to fill that hole. That was the inception. It was always intended to be a game made to fit in that”

BW wanted to call it DA: Exodus, but EA’s marketing execs insisted on DA2, no matter what that name implied

DAO’s scope (Origin stories, that amount of big areas, variables, reactivity) was just not doable in a year, even if everyone worked overtime. To solve this problem, BW shelved the Inquisition idea and made a risky call: DA2 would be set in one city over time, allowing locations to be recycled and months to be shaved off dev time. They also axed DAO features like customizing party members’ equipment. These were the best calls they were able to make on a tight line

Many at BW are still proud of DA2. Those that worked on it grew closer from all being in it together

In certain dark accounting corners of EA, despite fan response to DA2 and its lower sales compared to DAO, DA2 is considered a wild success

By summer 2011 BW decided to cancel DA2′s expansion Exalted March in favor of a totally new game. They needed to get away from the stigma of DA2, reboot the franchise and show they could make triple-A quality good games. 

DAI was going to be the most ambitious game BW had ever made and had a lot to prove (that BW could return to form, that EA wasn’t crippling the studio, that BW could make an ‘open-world’ RPG with big environments). There was a bit of a tone around the industry that there were essentially 2 tiers of BW, the ME team and then everyone else, and the DA team had a scrappy desire to fight back against that

DAI was behind schedule early on due to unfamiliar new technology; the new engine Frostbite was very technically challenging and required more work than anyone had expected. Even before finishing DA2 BW were looking for a new engine for the next game. Eclipse was creaky, obsolete, not fully-featured, graphically lacking. The ME team used Unreal, which made inter-team collab difficult. “Our tech strategy was just a mess. Every time we’d start a new game, people would say, ‘Oh, we should just pick a new engine’.”

After meeting with an EA exec BW decided on Frostbite. Nobody had ever used it to make an RPG, but EA owned FB dev studio DICE, and the engine was powerful and had good graphic capabilities & visual effects. If BW started making all its games on FB, it could share tech with sister studios and borrow tools when they learned cool new tricks. 

For a while they worked on a prototype called Blackfoot, to get a feel for FB and to make a free-to-play DA MP game. It fizzled as the team was too small, which doesn’t lend itself well to working with FB, and was cancelled

BW resurfaced the old Inquisition idea. What might a DA3 look like on FB? Their plan by 2012 was to make an open-world RPG heavily inspired by Skyrim that hit all the beats DA2 couldn’t. “My secret mission was to shock and awe the players with the massive amounts of content.” People complained there wasn’t enough in DA2. “At the end of DAI, I actually want people to go, ‘Oh god, not [another] level’.”

It was originally called Dragon Age 3: Inquisition

BW wanted to launch on next-gen consoles only but EA’s profit forecasters were caught up in the rise of iPad and iPhone gaming and were worried the next-gen consoles wouldn’t sell well. As a safeguard EA insist it also ship on current-gen. Most games at that time followed this strategy. Shipping on 5 platforms at once would be a first for BW

Ambitions were piling up. This was to be BW’s first 3D open-world game, and their first game on Frostbite, an engine that had never been used to make RPGs. It needed to be made in roughly two years, it needed to ship on 5 platforms, and, oh yeah, it needed to restore the reputation of a studio that had been beaten up pretty badly. “Basically we had to do new consoles, a new engine, new gameplay, build the hugest game that we’ve ever made, and build it to a higher standard than we ever did. With tools that don’t exist.”

FB didn’t have RPG stats, a visible PC, spells, save systems, a party of 4 people, the same kind of cutscenes etc and couldn’t create any of those things. BW had to create these on top of it. BW initially underestimated how much work this would be. BW were the FB guinea pigs. Early on in DAI’s development, even the most basic tasks were excruciating, and this impacted even fundamental aspects of game design and dev. When FB’s tools did function they were finicky and difficult. DICE’s team supported them but had limited resources and were 8 hours ahead. Since creating new content in FB was so difficult, trying to evaluate its quality became impossible. FB engine updates made things even more challenging. After every one, BW had to manually merge and test it; this was debilitating, and there were times when the build didn’t work for a month or was really unstable.

Meanwhile the art department were having a blast. FB was great for big beautiful environments. For months they made as much as possible, taking educated guesses when they didn’t know yet what the designers needed. “For a long time there was a joke on the project that we’d made a fantastic-looking screenshot generator, because you could walk around these levels with nothing to do. You could take great pictures.”

The concept of DAI as open-world was stymying the story/writers and gameplay/designers teams. What were players going to do in these big landscapes? How could BW ensure exploring remained fun after many hours? Their teams didn’t have time for system designers to envision, iterate and test a good “core gameplay loop” (quests, encounters, activities etc). FB wouldn’t allow it. Designers couldn’t test new ideas or answer questions because basic features were missing or didn’t exist yet. 

EA’s CEO told BW they should have the ability to ride dragons and that this would make DAI sell 10 million copies. BW didn’t take this idea very seriously

BW had an abstract idea that the player would roam the world solving problems and building up power or influence they could use. But how would that look/work like in-game? This could have used refinement and testing but instead they decided to build some levels and hope they could figure it out as they went.

One day in late 2012, after a year of strained development on DAI, Mark Darrah asked Mike Laidlaw to go to lunch. “We’re walking out to his car,” Laidlaw said, “and I think he might have had a bit of a script in his head. [Darrah] said, ‘All right, I don’t actually know how to approach this, so I’m just going to say it. On a scale of one to apocalyptic... how upset would you be if I said [the player] could be, I dunno, a Qunari Inquisitor?’” 

Laidlaw was baffled. They’d decided that the player could be only a human in DAI. Adding other playable races like Darrah was asking for would mean they’d need to quadruple their budget for animation, voice acting, and scripting.

“I went, ‘I think we could make that work’,” Laidlaw said, asking Darrah if he could have more budget for dialogue. 

Darrah answered that if Laidlaw could make playable races happen, he couldn’t just have more dialogue. He could have an entire year of production.

Laidlaw was thrilled. “Fuck yeah, OK,” he recalled saying.

MD had actually already realized at this point it’d be impossible to finish DAI in 2013. They needed at least a year’s delay and adding the other playable races was part of a plan/planned pitch to secure this. He was in the process of putting together a pitch to EA: let BW delay the game, and in exchange it’d be bigger and better that anyone at EA had envisioned. These new marketing points included playable races, mounts and a new tactical camera. If EA wouldn’t let them delay, they would have had to cut things. Going into that BW were confident but nervous, especially in the wake of EA’s recent turmoil where they’d just parted ways with their CEO and had recruited a new board member while they hunted for a new one. They didn’t know how the new board member would react, and the delay would affect EA’s projections for that fiscal year. Maybe it was the convincing pitch, or the exec turmoil, or the specter of DA2, or maybe EA didn’t like being called “The Worst Company in America”. Winning that award 2 years in a row had had a tangible impact on the execs and led to feisty internal meetings on how to repair EA’s image. Whatever the reasons, EA greenlit the delay.

The PAX Crestwood demo was beautiful but almost entirely fake. By fall 2013, BW had implemented many of FB’s ‘parts’, but still didn’t know what kind of ‘car’ they were making. ML and team scripted the PAX demo by hand, entirely based on what BW thought would be in the game. The level & art assets were real but the gameplay wasn’t. “Part of what we had to do is go out early and try to be transparent because of DA2. And just say, ‘Look, here, it’s the game, it’s running live, it’s at PAX.’ Because we wanted to make that statement that we’re here for fans.”

DA2 hung on the team like a shadow. There was insecurity, uncertainty, they had trouble sticking to one vision. Which DA2 things were due to the short dev time and which were bad calls? What stuff should they reinvent? There were debates over combat (DAO-style vs DA2-style) and arguments over how to populate the wilderness.

In the months after that demo, BW cut much of what they’d shown in it. Even small features went through many permutations. DAI had no proper preproduction phase (important for testing and discarding things), so leads were stretched thin and had to make impulsive decisions.

By the end of 2013, DAI had 200+ people working on it, and dozens of additional outsourced artists in Russia and China. Coordinating all the work across various departments was challenging and a full-time job for several people. At this sheer scale of game dev, there are many complexities and inter-dependencies. Work finally became significantly less tedious and more doable when BW and DICE added more features to FB. Time was running out though, and another delay was a no.

The team spent many hours in November and December piecing together a “narrative playable” version of the game to be the holiday period’s game build for BW staff to test that year. Feedback on the demo was bad. There were big complaints on story, that it didn’t make sense and was illogical. Originally the PC became Inquisitor and sealed the breach in the prologue, which removed a sense of urgency. In response the writers embarked on Operation Sledgehammer (breaking a bone to set it right), radically revising the entire first act.

The other big piece of negative feedback was that battles weren’t fun. Daniel Kading, who had recently joined BW and brought with him a rigorous new method for testing combat in games, went to BW leadership with a proposal: give him authority to open his own little lab with the other designers and call up the entire team for mandatory play sessions for test purposes. They agreed and he used this experiment to get test feedback and specifically pinpoint where problems were. Morale took a turn for the better that week, DK’s team made several tweaks, and through these sessions feedback ratings went from 1.2 to 8.8 four weeks later.

Many on the team wished they didn’t have to ship for old consoles (clunky, less powerful). BW leadership decided not to add features to the next-gen versions that wouldn’t be possible on the older ones, so that both versions of the game played the same. This limited things and meant the team had to find creative solutions. “I probably should’ve tried harder to kill [the last-gen] version of the game”, said Aaryn Flynn. In the end the next-gen consoles sold very well and only 10% of DAI sales were on last-gen.

“A lot of what we do is well-intentioned fakery,” said Patrick Weekes, pointing to a late quest called “Here Lies The Abyss”. “When you assault the fortress, you have a big cut scene that has a lot of Inquisition soldiers and a lot of Grey Wardens on the walls. And then anyone paying attention or looking for it as you’re fighting through the fortress will go, ‘Wow, I’m only actually fighting three to four guys at a time.’ Because in order for that to work [on old gen], you couldn’t have too many different character types on screen.”

Parts of DAI were still way behind schedule because it was so big and complex, and because some tools hadn’t started functioning until late on. Some basic features weren’t able to be implemented til the last minute (they were 8 months from ship before they could get all party members in the squad. At one point PW was playtesting to check if Iron Bull’s banter was firing, and realized there was no way to even recruit IB) and some flaws couldn’t be identified til the last few months. Trying to determine flow and pacing was rough.

They couldn’t disappoint fans again. They needed to take the time to revise and polish every aspect of DAI. “I think DAI is a direct response to DA2,” said Cameron Lee. “DAI was bigger than it needed to be. It had everything but the kitchen sink in it, to the point that we went too far... I think that having to deal with DA2 and the negative feedback we got on some parts of that was driving the team to want to put everything in and try to address every little problem or perceived problem.”

At this point they had 2 options: settle for an incomplete game, which would disappoint fans especially post-DA2, or crunch. They opted to crunch. It was the worst period of extended overtime in DAI’s development yet and was really rough: late nights, weekends, lost family time, 12-14 hour days, stress, mental health impacts.

During 2014′s crunch, they finally finished off features they wished they’d nailed down in year 1. They completed the Power (influence) system and added side quests, hidden treasures and puzzles. Things that weren’t working like destructible environments were promptly removed. The writers rewrote the prologue at least 6 times, but didn’t have enough time to pay such attention to the ending. Just a few months before launch pivotal features like jumping were added.

By summer BW had bumped back release by another 6 weeks for polish. DAI had about 99,000 bugs in it (qualitative and quantitative; things like “I was bored here” are a bug). “The number of bugs on an open-world game, I’ve never seen anything like it. But they’re all so easy to fix, so keep filing these bugs and we’ll keep fixing them.” For BW it was harder to discover them, and the QA team had to do creative experimentation and spend endless late nights testing things. PW would take builds home to let their 9 year old son play around. Their son was obsessed with mounting and dismounting the horse and accidentally discovered a bug where if you dismounted in the wrong place, all your companions’ gear would vanish. “It was because my son liked the horse so much more than anyone else ever had or will ever like the horse.”

MD had a knack for prioritizing which bugs should be fixed, like the one where you could get to inaccessible areas by jumping on Varric’s head. “Muscle memory is incredibly influential at this point. Through the hellfire which is game development, we’re forged into a unit, in that we know what everyone’s thinking and we understand everyone’s expectations.”

At launch they still didn’t have all their tools working, they only had their tools working enough.

DAI became the best-selling DA game, beating EA’s sales expectations in just a few weeks. If you look closely you can see the lingering remnants of its chaotic development, like the “garbage quests” in the Hinterlands. Some players didn’t realize they could leave the area and others got caught in a “weird, compulsive gratification loop”. Internet commentators rushed to blame “those damn lazy devs” but really, these were the natural consequences of DAI’s struggles. Maybe things would have been different if they’d miraculously received another year of dev time, or if they’d had years before starting development to build FB’s tools first.

“The challenge of the Hinterlands and what it represented to the opening 10 hours of DAI is exactly the struggle of learning to build open-world gameplay and mechanisms when you are a linear narrative story studio,” said Aaryn Flynn.

“DA2 was the product of a remarkable time-line challenge,” said Mike Laidlaw, “DAI was the product of a remarkable technical challenge. But it had enough time to cook, and as a result it was a much better game.”

Read the chapter for full details of course!

[prorevenge]

Ridiculed, accused of lying and incompetence, I shoved burning facts down their throats and made a successful business in the process.

"The best revenge is massive success." -Frank Sinatra

TL;DR; Told I was lying and didn't know anything about game design. Made a spite video game that became a huge hit. Jackass is also forever immortalized within the game credits.

PREFACE

This is a very unusual story compared to the typical posts you've read here. There's a lot to unpack but I'll try to summarize everything as best I can.

I hope you'll find it as entertaining as I did. And, what's great about this story is that it happened very recently, it happened here, evidence is searchable, and it's still kinda on-going. It's a tale of trolls, video game addiction, self-righteous arrogance, harassment, winning an impossible bet, a viral hit in Russia, and massive success with even some little revenge sprinkles for added measure.

Quick background about me: I've worked with game developers for decades and I'm an avid researcher and supporter of unorthodox and ethical video games used for educational and clinical purposes.

HOW IT STARTED

Two months ago, there was a new reddit post about "using video game to ease depression" that caught my attention.

The reason it caught my attention was because it was a game & study that I had in-depth knowledge of (from over a year prior.) Unlike everyone else in the thread, I was the only one who had actually seen the game, played it, knew the developers, and even had the original technical game design documents.

The article discussed a variety of topics but never addressed exactly HOW the video game was able to ease depression. So, I provided a quickly summary of what the game actually did.

[SKIP THIS SECTION IF NEUROSCIENCE & GAME DESIGN DON'T INTEREST YOU]

A quick side note about this article, for those that like extra details: One of the cool properties of ketamine is that, not only can it provide rapid and temporary relief for depression, it also actively heals damaged brain circuits. Then there's dopamine. A chemical that we internally produce, that has similar but less potent effects. There is no cure for depression, but these are promising treatments for some. The article focused on what's called "flow". Using certain game design methods you can induce a "flow state" by causing a sustained dopamine release. When used ethically, it can be highly beneficial in stimulating/training the brain to perform certain activities, improve or learn memorization, adapt to challenges, learn new concepts, exercise motor skills, and meanwhile rebuild pathways/synapses. While all of this is happening, the user is receiving pleasurable rewards without realizing it. This process can create new pathways, repair old circuits, and increasing their neuroplasticity. Increased neuroplasticity means improved cognitive functioning, reducing impairment of the reward process, and improving the effectiveness of antidepressant medications. Video games can be a unique non-drug option to accomplish this while easing symptoms. Research has already shown that many popular games can already accomplish this (unintended effects by the game developers). By comparison, the game design they used in this theoretical study was highly limited in scope, so permanent benefits were negligible compared to the temporary respite brought about by basic dopamine release. Science is still barely scratching the surface of neurotransmitters and flow state. There are still many unknowns, but dopamine isn't just a pleasure chemical that the media would like you to be believe. It can do quite a number of things. Research has shown that "flow state" can modify synaptic plasticity, improve connectors between cells/synapses, ultimately helping cells in the brain communicate better as a network and improve neural system intrinsic properties.

My summary posting was fine for a while, until predictable trolls arrived led by an "armchair game developer". Dr. Armchair definitely did not appreciate my post. It was an affront and insult to his profession. Within a few minutes, it dropped 30 karma. I don't care about imaginary internet points but I don't like being accused of lying. Dr. Armchair and his pals started with the usual "do you even lift?" Then it was quickly asserted, from their armchairs, that I knew nothing about flow, psychology, dopamine or game design at all. From their high horses, they contributed nothing useful; only taunts, defamation, attacking my character and physical appearance, and accusing me of being a liar and incompetence.

Apparently it was a very sensitive topic. Who knew?

It quickly devolved into Dr. Armchair gleefully, and repeatedly claiming, that he won, he was right, and I was wrong. He demanded that I essentially write a 300 page peer-reviewed study to prove him wrong, and when it couldn't be provided within 5 minutes, there were more gleeful cheers of "HAHA! I WAS RIGHT! I WAS RIGHT! I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU LALALALALA.."

Obviously, it was going to be impossible to reason with Dr. Armchair and his buddies. But actions speak louder than words.

So, I claimed that I would provide undeniable proof in the form of a video game "a few months from now" that he could actually play for himself. Once again, claiming that I was lying and it was impossible. And more of the usual "It's been 5 minutes, where is it? Oh, you can't do it can you. HA! I was right! I BEAT YOU! I BEAT YOU!"

It was weird.

Eventually the mods had enough. Dr. Armchair and his cronies harassment, ad hominem attacks, accusations and inflammatory attacks resulted in multiple posts being removed. But my promise still stood and I fully intended on keeping it.

THE BOLD CLAIM

The plan was simple:

Create a proof of concept that demonstrates just the critical neuroscience principles that induce flow. To prove it beyond a doubt, I intended to also prove that MOST COMMON INGREDIENTS of a game are completely UNNECESSARY to accomplish this.

So, I made the very confident claim that the game would still be fun, addictive, and demonstrate flow state, even after ripping everything out:

No extras or frills. Built within a short period of time.

No music. No sound effects. No animations. No story.

No expensive art. In fact, hardly any at all: I would use ONE SINGLE ART ASSET for the gameplay (plus some lines.)

No feature creep. No sign-in system. No gacha mechanics.

No level design. No achievements. No RPG gamifications.

I could get at least a couple hundred people to play it.

I should have also mentioned that it would be built with ZERO BUDGET and NO MARKETING.

If this sounds like a strange way to make a game, it is. For a typical game developer, this would raise many eyebrows, and they'd consider it highly risky or improbable to achieve any success with both arms figurately tied behind your back while blindfolded.

HOW IT ENDED

While I was preparing to stress test the game online, it was discovered by .ru bots that were scouring the web for new games. Even before the game was ready, they published the game link on several Russian gaming sites.

The game exploded.

It has graphical similarities to Tetris, so it was a nice coincidence that the game essentially launched and did so well in Russia at first. After that, other game sites started discovering the game on their own too, even before I had a chance to submit the game myself. Most importantly, the proof of concept and everything I claimed worked (high ratings and retention). It proved so effective that the game is currently being played by hundreds of thousands of users worldwide. And it's a clear demonstration about the importance of combining psychology and game design.

I suppose you could say that there are many layers of revenge happening here, maybe even karmic justice or backfiring on their part, it's really hard to classify. The best kind of revenge is always massive success, and shoving it in their faces, however. But, on top of that, I also fully kept to my promises while proving these ignorant individuals so wrong they look like fools.

I also added some extra salt to the wound. I figured that success of the game was partly due to Dr. Armchair's ignorance. It was only fair that I included his name within the Game Credits. So, I officially gave this very wonderful human being a very "special thanks" for their support in making this success possible.

(source) story by (/u/postfu)

[tundrainafrica]

Title: Division of Labor (4/?)

Summary:  

“The past years, we have noticed a lot of our fresh high school graduates knew nothing about responsibilities the that awaited them outside high school and even college. Many students do not master budgeting, taxes, household planning, loans and we hope to raise a generation who can navigate the adult world without the consequences of bad decisions they are bound to make going in blindly…”

Paradis High school starts a program incorporating adulting into their curriculum and Hange and Levi are paired together.

Note: From request of @a-golden-hearted-snk-fan. See this link for the request

So here is the next chapter of division of labor. I had intended to drop it today for a long time. I didn't expect it to coincide with leaks so sorry for the slight mood whiplash.

Anyway, thank you to the anons on tumblr for asking about this fic. I still find it pretty surreal that people actually think about my work, let alone send asks about it.

Other Chapters: 1 2 3

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Having lived alone for all of his high school life and some of his middle school life, Levi was sure of one thing.

Cooking is fun. Except when it is graded.

In fact, nothing can be fun when someone is behind them watching their every move telling them their performance in that one activity can determine a grade and that grade can determine their future. As Levi and Hange surveyed the ingredients in front of them, Erwin was behind them. Of all the workstations he had chosen to hang out in, it happened to be theirs.

As Levi looked at the other workstations, he could see Nanaba to his left already cracking two eggs into a bowl next to Mike. Bertholdt who was working in front of them with his pair Reiner was already cutting up what looked like cheese cubes. To his right was his own pair Hange who was shaking the eggs to her ear.

“Just to check if they’re boiled,” she explained. Levi did not even notice he had given her a judgemental look until she avoided his gaze looking a little self conscious.

Of course they wouldn’t be boiled. They were supposed to be doing everything from scratch. Why did he and Hange in particular look the most clueless? Why weren’t they doing anything? Levi looked behind him again to see Erwin still staring at both of them. I’m not clueless. Levi had to remind himself. He preplanned and prepared meals multiple times a week. He could make anything from the ingredients laid out in front of him. Eggs. Cheese. Celery. Instant noodles.

Why the hell is there instant noodles. What am I supposed to be making?

That ordeal only fueled his hatred for surprise tasks. He hated pop quizzes. Particularly because he had the cursed history of not knowing exactly what would be asked during the actual quizzes but having comprehensive knowledge in another facet of whatever topic they discussed in class. At that moment, he could have gladly given an oral exam about why exactly putting a washing machine in the bathroom was a good idea. Hange probably would have been able to do a practical exam or presentation explaining why a rent-to-own scheme was the best option for homeowners.

Both he and Hange though, probably spent at the most ten minutes running through that meal plan which was biting them so painfully in the ass at that moment. On top of that, the restrictions were ridiculous and unnecessary.

“No checking the recipe?” It was Connie that time towards the front of the room who was protesting the ridiculous restriction put on them. “I thought you’re supposed to be simulating adulthood. In real life everyone could just research the recipes? ”

“What if you don’t have wifi but you have eggs and vegetables in front of you and you need to cook breakfast?” Erwin challenged.

“We’ll have recipe books.” Sasha answered.

Erwin raised his eyebrows, looking pointedly at the Connie and Sasha pair. “Will your current financial situation allow that?”

Levi found some solace in Erwin’s comment. Maybe, just maybe that meant that they weren’t the only pair currently burning in hell financially in this little game of adulting. He looked to Hange and the face she made as Erwin had said the words `current financial situation’ and “allow” in the same sentence, Levi guessed that Erwin’s comment probably applied to them as a pair too.

“It is important at least for all of you to know the basics of cooking a nice meal even without the recipe.

Levi sighed. He lived alone and he knew they didn’t need it. Levi had a recipe book for easy recipes at home and almost always had wifi anyway. Nobody actually needed to memorize recipes. He was aware though of the culture of schools to know that schools always made things harder than they were supposed to be.

At least when you’re in the real world, things will be so much easier because you’ve had it hard already. Some teachers would defend. Making things unnecessarily hard though wasn’t at all an effective way to get people good at things. Sometimes, making things unnecessarily hard only left students with chronic unresolved tensions with certain formulas, academic concepts and sometimes even mundane objects they had encountered too many times in an academic setting. In fact, he started to feel the beginnings of it when he encountered washing machines and Japanese style house designs while he went grocery shopping that weekend. A few times he also could have sworn he’d seen Hange recoil at hearing the words ‘debit’ and ‘credit.’

“Maybe we should boil the eggs?” Hange lined up the ingredients on the counter.

“What the hell are you doing?” Levi asked, or more specifically panicked. Around him he could see the others already turning on the stove. Watching Hange observe the ingredients was only a grave reminder of their own incompetence.

“I’m just trying to arrange the ingredients in different ways. Maybe a good idea will come to mind.” She paused for a second. “Scrambled eggs?”

"Hear me out Hange, what if it isn't scrambled eggs." The ingredients all pointed to scrambled eggs or an omelette. In front of them there was a pan, a skillet, eggs, butter and vegetables. That seemed like the most reasonable option. Having taken tests and quizzes for most of his life though, Levi was a master of the art of ‘doubting one’s self’ in high pressure situations where every decision equated to a deduction. “Why is there a pack of instant noodles?” Whether he had intended to or not, Levi had ended up saying his thoughts out loud.

Hange paused for a second, pressing her thumb to her lips in thought, her eyes completely fixed on the pack of instant noodles in front of her. She looked like she was starting to doubt herself too. “You’re right. Levi, why are there instant noodles? Didn’t you make the meal plan?”

“Didn’t you check it?”

“I did check it. If i remember correctly, there was a recipe for scrambled eggs. But there should have been vegetables.” Hange brought the instant noodles pack closer to her and closely read through it. “Wait a minute. This is chow mein? I thought chow mein was a type of vegetable. Why the hell would you put instant noodles in scrambled eggs?”

Instant noodles and scrambled eggs. For some reason, it hadn’t clicked when all he saw were the ingredients in front of him. With Hange bringing up the two key ingredients of eggs and instant noodles, he started to remember what revisions he had made to that particular recipe. “It’s cheaper to make omelette rice with instant noodles than with actual rice.” He admitted lightly.

“Levi! We’re graded for nutritional value. Did you not read the rubrics?”

Levi looked away. In fact he had failed to read the rubrics. “Weren’t you supposed to be checking my work?

“I did check it.”

“Then why did you think chowmein is a type of vegetable? Aren’t you a fan of botany?”

“Levi there are at least one thousand vegetables to think of. You can’t expect me to keep track of all of them.”

Levi then realized that maybe having too much information in one’s brain was a little disadvantageous. Hange may be right that there are thousands of types of vegetables in the world. Levi was sure though that only at least fifty of those types would have been available in an average supermarket. You don’t really go grocery shopping much do you? A part of him had wanted to criticize her and maybe start a little argument.

The clatter of pots and pans around him and the urgent sounding voices was only telling him one thing, time was running. They had to churn something up or risk failing that quiz. He wished at least he could have double checked the rubrics. Alas, their phones were in their bags, all gathered towards the front of the rooms. All they had armed with them then was their procedural memory and the many ingredients in front of them.

Maybe, just maybe though we could do a little improvisation. Levi made eye contact with Hange as he said it. It looked like she had read his mind, Hange reached out for the instant noodles in front of him, ready to slip the pack silently into her pocket.

“If I find out any of you revised any of your recipes or you miss out on one ingredient, expect a 50% deduction for this test,” Erwin announced from behind them.

Within a second, the pack of instant noodles was back on the table and that flash of understanding between Levi and Hange had changed to one of horror and panic. Did he notice?

“Marco, I really cannot remember why the hell I needed so many of these spices in the first place.” Jean said apologetically from his station to their right.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have asked your mom to make the meal plan in the first place then.” Marco sounded surprisingly pissed.

At least they weren’t the only one in hell’s kitchen.

                                  Division of Labor

By some silent agreement, all meetings with his actual friends were cancelled. It was as if everyone in the room had unanimously decided to make up for that disaster of a kitchen quiz by working on the next deliverable days before it was due. It was as if everyone was sure they had failed Erwin’s little pop quiz

Or long test. Erwin though never gave the breakdown of how much of their grade that disaster in the kitchen was. Levi found some assurance at least in the fact that everyone did look as unsure as they were about it. They can’t fail the whole class right?

Either way, a failing grade is still a failing grade. Levi and Hange had gone for the plan of omelette rice having kept the instant noodles revision. And with nutritional value a 60% of their grade for the actual meal plan, their expectations for their grades were low. On the bright side at least, Erwin said that there would be more pop quizzes in the kitchen, so they just had to memorize the recipe of whatever they put in the meal plan the next time around.

It would be painstaking, Levi was sure. But as students he and Hange had been forced to memorize formulas, kingdoms and phyla, vocabulary words, thesis statements, poems and dialogues. That should be nothing. Levi though had a building resentment for the subject, particularly the fact that no one had prepared them for that type of stress at all. None of the seniors ever had to do this type of program and thus, Levi was completely unprepared mentally for ‘adulting.’

Welcome to adulthood. That was what was written on the top of the questionnaire he and Hange were supposed to be submitting by Friday midnight. It was Wednesday afternoon of that week and he was grateful Hange had even suggested they start earlier. Only that morning, Erwin had submitted a new list of deliverables which seemed more comprehensive than the last.

September*

Week 1

Meal Plan

Investment Plan Part I: Disposable Income

Pop quiz

Week 2

Education Plan for Kids

Module 2 (See attached fail)

Pop quiz

Week 3 - 4

TBA

While Hange answered some of the questions on the questionnaire, Levi could only stare at the module in his email. He had promised Hange he would look into it while she filled out her part of the questionnaire. His eyes though were stuck on the little typo

Fail. He was sure Erwin meant file. In that type of module though, he would consider that typo almost fatal since the whole program was already screaming the words ‘failure’ at him.

He had to note at least that Erwin put the words pop quiz there for every week. He couldn’t help but think it was due to the fact that everyone had failed that last cooking exam and that was a sign of some mercy on the teacher’s side.

He clicked the module below the email to find that the file was too large at least for google to open. Oh, I guess it’s too large to open on my phone. It might slow it down after all. A petty excuse but he was just tired and instead decided to entrust the responsibility of opening said document to the Levi of a few hours later who would be in front of an actual computer.

“The file is too big to open on my phone. Sorry, I didn’t think about bringing my laptop today.” Levi’s words weren’t too sincere. A part of him was telling him never to bring his laptop on campus in the first place and was thankful for that bout of irresponsibility. Delaying the inevitable at present is always such a sweet feeling after all.

“It’s fine, it wasn’t too hard to fill out what’s needed. We just needed to assign rooms for Flora and Fauna…” Hange started looking pointedly at the flour babies who were leaning by the window of the diner they started to frequent. “Then break down our budget for other things like furniture, groceries, household necessities…”

She slid the paper over to Levi. As if by magic, his brain just shut down at seeing the numbers out there. A part of him though, a more tenacious part was nagging at him to comment at the computations in front of him.

He focused on the words not the numbers. There were calculations for household necessities like detergent and cleaning wax, groceries, baby stuff, utility bills. Somehow it was only making Levi feel more useless for not even understanding what she was writing.

So you have to comment. Levi willed himself to open his mouth and rack his brain for something reasonable and useful to say. Those thoughts on his end all culminated to two words. “Washing machine... “

“What? You’re still not over that?”

“You really don’t want the washing machine in the bathroom?”

“Levi, we’ve been over this!” Hange said, looking exasperated. Within a split second, her look softened into something else then within a second twisted into what looked like shame or embarrassment. “Yeah, I don’t think we even have the money to pay for that in installments now. But hey, a washing machine isn’t a necessity right? Like handwashing is still a thing.”

Levi didn’t agree. He knew in the back of his mind that anything that made cleaning easier was a necessity. Hange though had made the calculations and as a form of respect for her hardwork and a punishment for himself and his inability to have been of any use with that questionnaire, he kept quiet.

He just had to trust her. Group works were all about trust after all.

                                      Division of Labor

“Your answers were all a fucking mess. If adulting was a war, none of you would make it back alive. All of you will starve with your shitty planning and resource conserving skills.” Shadis waved a wad of papers so magnificently over his head as he slammed them on the table. “I want to hear your justifications for making such idiotic decisions. Maybe that can bring up your grade to a D at least.”

“Blouse Springer!”

“Yes sir!” Sasha stood up instinctively.

“Connie join your partner!”

“We have to sta---?” Connie’s eyes widened as if he realized a second later the disrespect in what he had just said. He stood up a split second after. “Yes sir!”

“Tell me again. What are your jobs?”

Connie looked at the documents and back at him. “Is what we put in the document… wrong… sir?”

“What. Are. Your. Jobs?”

Sasha and Connie exchanged glances and looked back up at him. “I’m a marketing specialist…” Connie started. “And Sasha---”

“Journalist sir.”

“So you have eight to five jobs right?”

“Yes we do,” Connie answered.

“And three kids?”

The two nodded in sync. “Yes sir,” Sasha said. “Or that’s what I remember…” In fact, she shouldn’t have had to recall that. The three flour sacks were on their desk after all. “Did we miss one?”

Shadis ignored them. “Then why did you tick ‘no babysitter’ here?”

“Are we supposed to tick it sir?” Connie asked. A brave question that had everyone in the classroom more silent than they had been a second ago.

“You have eight to five jobs and three children. So are you telling me you will take the kids to work?

“Are we allowed? The fee for a babysitter everyday just seems… extravagant.”

That wasn’t the right word. The right word was exorbitant. As some of the people in the class would have agreed. Many could see though that Connie was shaking at the incessant questions and that should have been the last of his concerns.

Shadis though seemed unpreturbed at the wrong word choice. “Well what if your boss doesn’t allow you to bring three kids to work?”

“Then we leave them at home?”

“And you know that’s illegal?”

The silence in the room had become deafening.

“You can be sued for child neglect,” Shadis expounded

“But how would they know?” It was a bold question from Connie

The room exploded in hesitant mutters only silenced a second later by Shadis’ eerily cold reply. “Social workers are very perceptive people, Connie. I’m surprised you’re even underestimating them. Be ready to pay attorney dues for this.” He wrote something on the paper on his desk which was probably Connie and Sasha’s submission before pushing it to the bottom of the pile.

“Next pair…Ackerman Zoe. Stand up.”

By lunchtime, Levi was in a trance, a very strong strance. He did not even notice the students who had filed out of the classroom for lunch, his eyes completely fixed on the beautiful view of the school courtyard as the leaves started to change color.

That was not what he was admiring though. He wasn’t actually admiring anything. Although his eyes were fixed at such a beautiful view, his brain had done nothing to process it.

“So… You wanna talk about the next output?” That familiar voice sounded like a screech to Levi and it was more than enough to pull him out.

“We are so fucked.” Levi’s words were almost instinctive. It was as if just hearing Hange’s voice sent his whole body into panic mode. Of course he would, having just been grilled by Shadis and having one’s incompetence exposed could do that to anyone.

“There’s an output every week. We’ll be fine,” Hange assured.

Levi could only stare at Hange. He had know idea what kind of face he was making. All he could think then though was the fact that she out of the two of them should have been in a worse state of panic than he was.

And her calm ironically only stressed him out further. Having been reeling from the stress of it for almost four hours, Levi still remembered their exchange perfectly.

"Okay Ackerman… Just a homemaker. And Zoe. You’re working freelance?

"So Levi and I decided that I'll be a scientist and he'll take care of the house," Hange had said so confidently.

"What about taxes?"

“Taxes?”

“I looked at the breakdown of your budget Zoe. You didn’t mention anything about taxes.”

“I’m freelance sir.”

“Zoe, has it ever occured to you that freelancers pay taxes too?”

And their lesson of the day came soon after that exchange. The tasks were detailed and demanded a lot of thought. Through all they had learned over that one painful exchange and maybe through the glimpses of the next few exchanges he had so half heartedly watched, he had learned a lot.

He could have easily summarized it all into one sentence though. Do not take Erwin's tasks with a grain of salt.

Erwin had thought everything through. It could have been by coincidence or it could have also been just a lack of thought on the side of the students but somehow the set up Erwin had was exposing the weaknesses of the students when it came to learning, and possibly their potential weaknesses when it comes to actual adulting.

"I’m deducting the taxes already."

"You heard Shadis, It's too late the hypothetical government is out to get us.” Levi added the word hypothetical to at least help himself bask in the fact that it was still a simulation. “We’re getting penalized.”

Hange smiled wryly. “Fine, we’re kinda financially… going through a rough patch,” She admitted. “But we’re not the only ones going through this type of financial bump. Eren and Mikasa, Sasha and Connie, Reiner and Bertholdt, Petra and Oluo…” Hange trailed off. “I mean okay Armin and Annie looked like they were doing fine but back in the supermarket, they looked kinda confused too.”

“A failing grade is a failing grade.”

“But Levi, they can’t fail the whole class.” Hearing that Hange was somehow very reassuring.

Hange was right. Teachers can’t fail a whole class and Levi was aware of two methods teachers tend to employ when dealing with an underperforming class: employ a curve or give extra credit.

Levi should have known though from his short yet very tumultuous few weeks with that adulting program that a curve would have seemed a little too merciful for their teachers.

With the uncomfortable look Erwin gave the class, Levi was sure at least a majority of the class had fucked up financially. How exactly, he was unsure.

Right after they had finished their own mini oral exam, Levi had fallen into a trance. A trance, trying to think up a back up life just in case he never manages to graduate high school or make it to college.

Misery though loves company. Especially when it’s a whole class failing. Levi was not the type to want to wish misfortune on anyone else. Being as completely idiotic and dense as he and Hange were though, Levi found himself grateful for the unfortunate situation the class found themselves in,

“It looks like a lot of you are struggling financially. Zeke and I had a quick talk about this actually…”

Levi’s blood ran cold at the name, Zeke. At that point, he didn’t know if he hated Zeke or he hated Math. Looking back at Zeke’s unfavorable personality, he was guessing probably both.

“And we realized it would be beneficial if we introduce the possibility of finding other sources of income which would be a good lesson in financial management.”

There were some sighs of disappointment among the class. Levi empathized. In fact, he probably would have joined them as well if he weren’t so jaded by the course of events already. Still, a small part of him had hoped as well that they would just raise their salaries.

That was the equivalent of a curve though and Levi somehow knew, grading on the curve was just not Erwin’s style.

“So I am introducing two options to increase your income. One is through investments which will be taught by Zeke another day and another one is through this ‘new system’ I thought out.” Erwin looked a little too proud of that ‘new system.’

“We will be offering extra tasks you may choose to take around the school, these include cleaning, admin tasks, lab work and anything else the teachers may need help done. Each task will have a corresponding pay which can be added to your income for that month.”

So it’s exploitable free labor. Levi thought to himself. He was sure he wasn’t the only one thinking of that. Everyone in the room was desperate though. In the end, despite the questionable set up, it had come out looking like a gesture of generosity from their teacher. Levi saw that in the way a lot of the students around him looked relieved to hear that announcement.

“Or we can just choose to budget within our means?” Annie spoke up from her place on the front next to Armin. She was notably calmer than a lot of people in the room. Levi had suspected for a while though that Armin and Annie weren’t in as much trouble financially.

“I’m sure though a lot of you would want to earn more money,” Erwin said, a knowing smile on his face. “You can exchange these for this thing I will be introducing called ‘disposable income tokens’ and if you collect enough, you can get a free ticket out of doing one of the modules or the pop quizzes of the week of your choice.”