#Milk Actually Isn’t Good For Cats Did You Know That

[okcoolthanks]

Don’t You Fucking Dare

[cameronspecial]

Loving the Zach stuff so far!!!

Could you maybe do something where yn hates his guts, but he is like in love with her and all her sass?? Then they're forced to go on some school trip together or something, and she realizes she likes him and a cute angry love confession, perhaps???

Danke 🫶🏼💐

Thank You, History Class

Pairing: Zach MacLaren x Reader

Warnings: N/A

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 1.2K

Masterlist

Y/N and Zach have been running in the same friend group since Freshman year, but it doesn’t mean they necessarily get along. Well, it doesn’t mean that she likes him. His sarcasm and puppy dog vibe annoys her cool and distant personality. He’s always asking her how her day is going and trying to make her laugh with his stupid jokes. Zach, on the other hand, fell for her grumpy soul the moment he set eyes on her. Unlike most people, who don’t bother looking deeper into her personality, Zach could see the soft side that she held within and never let anyone see. He would always catch how she would stand up from her bus seat when she saw an elderly person. She wouldn’t let people around her know it was the reason, but she always did. He saw the little bowl of milk she left outside her house for a cat mother and her kittens. Finally, he saw how sweet she was to children whenever they were around her. 

Zach didn’t want to take a history class and he certainly didn’t feel like going on a field trip to a museum. It all felt very high school to him. The only upside about it: Y/N is also taking the same class. When he saw that he needed a history credit to graduate, he definitely didn’t go looking for what classes she was taking this semester to try and be in the same one. The cost was giving Jason access to his bathroom whenever he wanted, but it was worth it. He knows the field trip isn’t mandatory for any marks, yet he knows Y/N is going to be there. As he heads toward the Victorian house, he finds Y/N out front waiting for the professor to show up. Her clothing consists of black and brown colours as usual. Her hair was held back by a shiny black claw clip. 

“Fancy seeing you here,” he grins, coming to stand beside her. She gives him a side eye, “Could you be more cliche? Try something more original, would ya? I still can’t believe you are taking this class.” He doesn’t let her sour mood dampen his energy. “Come on, you know you like having me with you in this class. The only other people in this class are girls who have a romanticized view of the era, or guys, who have a history stick so far up their ass that they think a history degree will take them far in life,” he notes, turning to look at her. She looks him dead in the eyes, “I’m a history major. And I am neither of those things.” “I know, that’s because you are so much better than them. You are far too smart for them,” he flatters. She shakes her head, turning her attention to the professor who has just arrived, “Flattery won’t get you anywhere.” The professor leads them into the museum and begins his lecture. After ten minutes of listening to the man speak, both Y/N and Zach realized that coming was a big waste of time. He doesn’t know what he is talking about and Zach can hear Y/N constantly correcting the older man under her breath. 

He leans toward her, making sure his lips are close to her ear. “Wanna go on our own little tour? This man is getting half of this stuff wrong.” She thinks she has lost her mind because this must be the first thing Zach has said that she thought was a good idea. “That actually sounds kind of fun. They have a Victorian fashion exhibit I want to see, but I don’t think Professor Robo over there is going to take us to,” she whispers back. Her hand finds his and she hates to admit she likes the warmth of his in hers. They round the stairs to the exhibit. She looks delighted when she spots the first mannequin with clothes. Her feet find their way beside a girl about six years old, already looking at the dress. The child’s eyes find Y/N’s face and they smile at each other. “You know, this is an 1843 Evening dress. The bodice, the thing around the chest, is low off the shoulders. And they have lots of other skirts underneath to make it poofy,” Y/N softly explains to the little girl. 

They spent around thirty minutes in the small room. Y/N walks around with Willow and Zach, explaining each outfit to them. She is surprised that Zach seemed honestly engaged with what she was saying and would ask thoughtful questions. Eventually, Willow’s mother, an employee, came looking for her and took the girl to lunch. “Do you want to head to lunch?” she asks. He shakes his head, “Actually, I was hoping we could look at the Victorian sports exhibit. I brought some snacks, so if you are hungry, we can share.” He pulls out a bag of cucumbers shaped like hearts. She has to giggle at the sight because big jock Zach MacLaren likes to have his vegetable cut into shapes. 

“What?” he questions in fake offence, holding out the Ziploc to her. She shakes her head with a chuckle, “Nothing, just surprised your cucumbers look like an inaccurate depiction of a human organ.” “They make them taste better. Try,” he says with a shrug. He hands her a slice and listens to the sweet crunch of her biting into the vegetable. “Okay… I must admit it is more fun to eat it like a heart. I can pretend I’m a witch eating people’s hearts,” she agrees. He doesn’t look disturbed by her macabre comments, instead, he pretends to be ripping out his heart as he hands her another slice. She enjoys him playing with her deadly thoughts.

They spent about an hour looking at the different displays, eating his snacks and taking turns reading the display’s blurbs to each other. As they stand on the steps of the museum, Y/N towers over him from the step above. He looks up at her like she hangs the stars in the sky. “I hate to admit that you made this day pretty fun,” she confides. Her hands find their way behind her back, biting her lip as she looks into his eyes. His mouth turns into a crescent moon, “I’m really glad I did. I like spending time with you.” She takes a moment to think and moves her head away in frustration. Not at him, but at the turmoil inside her mind. Why is his charming smile suddenly getting to her? Why does she want to step into his warmth and let his arms bring her in? “Ugh, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I’m falling for you, MacLaren. So… would you want to go to dinner? Like on a date,” she confesses with a hint of annoyance in her tone that is just normally there. She is disgusted by the excitement that crosses his face. He gets off the steps, running around the green grass in front of the building. He jumps every so often with a little whoop let out as he does so. 

He rushes back to her, grabbing her around her waist and spinning her around. She finds the sound of her giggles odd but enjoys it nonetheless. “Way to keep a poker face,” she sasses, looking down at him. He doesn’t care though all he wants is a chance to be with her.

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia

[99zurins]

summary: wonwoo knows a lot, especially how your thoughts get into your head. when he knows you had a bad week, he wants to shower you with the gentle love you always give him when his thoughts get into his head.

note: god its been ages since i posted but alas!! this was a request for a friend of mine, and it helped me get out of my writing slump. enjoy <3

pair: f!reader x jeon wonwoo

tags: soft bf!wonwoo, SMUT (minors dni), communication during sex, kink exploration, spit, slight choking, dirty talk, slight degradation, multiple positions (sorta), safe sex, oral (both m. and f. receiving), fingering (f. receiving), orgasm denial, edging, pet names (wonwoo calls reader baby, sweetheart, good girl, princess), soft dom!wonwoo, reader goes into subspace, wonwoo takes care of reader, reader works at a clinic

word count: 6.9k

[ wonu : babe

wonu: how are you feeling? ]

like shit, you want to text him. i’m not ok. so much, too much, is happening all at once your brain doesn’t know what to process first. it’s been like this from monday morning: you were short-staffed because three co-workers got sick, people kept complaining about the wait times, what could you do, you just work here. tuesday to thursday was absolute hell: how does someone mess up inventory TWICE? your co-worker doesn’t know shit. how did she get hired anyway! you don’t want to even think about friday’s disaster. you called in sick today, because fuck the clinic, and made sure you swapped your closing shift at the bookstore with someone else. your head is in chaos, all while managing a terrible migraine.

from the tylenol, the long naps, to the drops of essential oil on your pillow– none of it isn’t even helping.

you haven’t spoken to your boyfriend for a few days, there’s the i love yous, occasional memes or cat pics he sends, but it’s been quiet. he’s been busy too, he got hired by a better design company, meaning better schedules and much well-deserved salary, and has been finishing up his last few shifts on his secondary job at a milk tea shop. but since he’s one of the long time workers at the shop, he’s been busy training newbies to replace him, hence why he’s been awake earlier than you, and comes home so late. you know he’s home when he quietly slips into bed after a shower, snuggling you from behind, holding your small frame. but you miss the cuddles when you play games together, the shared silence with him, looking at dumb cat videos. everything about him, really, you miss. even though you live with him now.

[wonu: are you at your bookstore job tonight?]

you first tell a truth: you called in sick for both of your jobs. then, you lie, saying your friend-slash-coworker is coming over to talk about stuff.

[wonu: don’t lie to me

wonu: babe

wonu: i know you had a bad week]

it was just busy, you respond. you’re busy, baby. you’re probably tired too. we can talk about this later.

[wonu: i’m not ever tired when it comes to you

wonu: i’m gonna leave work right now

wonu: idc]

you feel tears well up. you not replying back is all he needs to know.

wonwoo shows up in twenty minutes, holding a bag of takeout, bubbletea, and a cute stuffed animal. you wondered how on earth did he get here so fast, considering it takes him about thirty-five minutes to get to back home, but you’re too tired to say anything. all he does is give you a hug, plant a soft kiss on your head, and you try really hard not to cry. he does the thing where he scratches softly under your chin, like how he usually would greet a cat, while your head leans into his chest.

“hi baby,” wonwoo finally speaks, giving you a soft smile. it fades when his cold fingertips linger around your cheekbones, and stops below your dark circles. “long week?”

“mm.” you try to pretend everything is okay. he knows you aren’t. he places more gentle kisses between your eyes and on the bridge of your nose.

“was hoping you would tell me, actually.” wonwoo quietly locks the front door, takes off his shoes, and you quickly scramble to find him some house sandals that would fit him. “baby, it’s okay, I don’t need slippers. none of them fit me, remember?”

wonwoo doesn’t wear the house slippers because the five house pairs are all yours. you insist on getting him a pair, he always refuses. you cough out a laugh, and you hear wonwoo giggle.

“right, i forgot, sorry,” you mumble. “what food did you get?”

“i got you your favourite,” pho from the restaurant where you had your first date with him in. it’s his favourite, too, “i got us a matcha cake slice and a strawberry one to share, too.” cakes from the cafe on the third date.

you nod quietly, and you watch him leave the takeout on the table. he pulls out a container (which is most likely the cakes), and grabs the two plastic forks.

“wonwoo, i’m not…” hungry, you trail off, you weren’t in the mood to eat, but wonwoo looks over at you, with such tenderness. his black turtleneck hugs his torso nicely, square glasses makes him look like a nerd, when did he get a haircut? and he looks over at you, attentive and with endearment. sometimes you wonder how you deserved him. “i’m…”

wonwoo finishes putting the takeout on the table, and approaches you with quiet steps. he cocks his head to the side, a motion to tell you come here, love, and you take a few steps closer, fiddling with the sleeves of the navy oversized sweatshirt (which belongs to wonwoo).

“how can i be here for you, baby?” he pulls you closer, rubbing small circles on your scalp with his thumb. you don’t really respond, but all you do is plant your face straight to his chest, wrapping your arms around his frame. you feel a low chuckle erupt from his chest. “baby, i’m not sure how my chest is… supportive enough.”

“well, they’re bigger than mine! it’s comfy!” you whine quietly, and wonwoo laughs at your answer. he embraces you, slightly moving side to side.

“i do want an answer, if you’re able to tell me.”

“um,” you hum, looking up to him, while he still scratches your head. “i kind of just want to cuddle… tell me about your new hires, or show me dumb videos of mingyu and seungkwan being stupid again, i really don’t wanna think about what this shitty week has done to me.”

“okay, we can do that.” he hums, and scoops you up, holding you like a sack of rice.

“why are you holding me like this.”

“i wanna open the door.”

“i…” you suddenly remember the bowl of pho sitting on the table. “wait, wonwoo, the pho–”

“we have a microwave.”

“i can walk to put it away first!”

“i wanna spoil you, princess. you deserve something good. no need to think about anything.”

you feel your brain go sideways.

“… okay.” you mumble, kissing the side of his head, ignoring the heat flushing in your cheeks, and the faded pink tint in wonwoo’s ears.

wonwoo puts you on the bed, and wraps you in a blanket burrito after a little cute protest and some kisses, telling you to wait while he quickly freshens up. you feel like you’re gonna fall off the bed, why did your boyfriend put you by the edge of the bed? idiot. after showering, he changes to a comfortable black muscle tee (gifted by soonyoung) and gray sweatpants. when he returns to the bedroom, he turns on the lampshade before shutting off the main light in the bedroom. he goes back by the bed, and unrolls you out from the blanket burrito, giggling as you find yourself rolling towards the middle of the bed.

“wonwoo, what the fuck,” you find it so silly, you’re trying to contain your laughter but it’s not working. you feel wonwoo climb up on the bed, and wonwoo seems like he’s having fun removing (more like unrolling) you out of the blanket. wonwoo starts pressing a few of your pressure points gently, making you giggle even more. “what are you, FUCK, that tickles, STOP THAT!”

“noooo,” wonwoo sounds like a child, and pushes off the final part of the blanket off your body. you’re laughing loudly on the bed, as wonwoo carefully pulls you up but you feel limp from laughing. he helps you sit up in front of him, and you think he’s finished with his confusing act, but he grabs the blanket, wraps you both in it, proceeds to embrace you close, and accidentally manhandles you, him hitting the bed while you’re on top of him. “oh, this wasn’t what i planned to do.”

“what?” you ask him. “manhandle me?”

“yeah, i got too excited, i’m sorry, baby.”

“well, if it makes you feel better,” you trace shapes on his cheekbones with your finger. “i liked it. had no thought in my head, just vibes.”

“mm,” wonwoo just hums, lightly patting your butt. a hand rests behind his own head, inadvertently flexing, and you mindlessly trace the healed floral ink that wraps around his bicep. “one of the new hires likes fruits basket, it reminded me of you.”

“WHAAAAAT?” you look at him with excitement gleaming in your eyes. you slap his chest lightly. “tell me more, tell me more!”

“well, she has a tattoo of kyo’s bracelet and named her pet hamster after yuki.” wonwoo says, playing with your hair. wonwoo started watching the series for you, although he hasn’t finished yet. “although she likes kuroo?”

“oh! kureno.”

“is he a bad person?” he likes to know what’s he in for at times, so some spoilers are okay.

“he falls in love with a minor.”

“oh.”

“yeah, it’s gross,” you sigh as you feel wonwoo massage your scalp. “oh that’s nice, by the way, did your manager allow you to take the cat apron?”

“i can’t. jihoon sucks.”

“boooo! he sucks.”

“my baby can always embroider me one, right?”

“i crochet, not embroider!”

“same idea!”

“no its not!” you pinch his nose. his nose scrunches up, and he tries to playfully bite your fingers. you pinch him even harder, and you giggle over his over exaggerated expression of pain. “i should really finish making that cat hat for you.”

“take your time, baby,” he kisses the tip of your fingers. “don’t stress on it. oh, speaking of which, jihoon sent me footage of seungkwan and mingyu tripping during close yesterday. i don’t know why you find it amusing to see them struggle.”

“because they’re so funny together,” you laugh, as wonwoo uses a free hand to grab his phone on the nightstand. he opens it and scrolls, looking for the video. you turn your head, listening to his steady heartbeat. the scent of his lavender bodywash is faint. it lingers. “besides, mingyu complains about his antics with seungkwan to me at the clinic sometimes.”

“ah, not surprised.”

wonwoo opens the video, and since it is security footage, it’s muted. the quality is grainy. it’s a bit blurry. as wonwoo lightly taps a tune on the small of your back, you watch with curious eyes. seungkwan is mopping, while mingyu is seen refilling the containers with straws and wooden utensils. it doesn’t look much, but you see seungkwan tell mingyu something, but his footing is awkward, causing him to slip on the wet floor. seungkwan doesn’t fall on the ground, and mingyu is laughing at him, throwing his head back in amusement. mingyu suddenly slips backwards, falling on his side, and a bunch of straws fall on the floor. seungkwan looks like he’s gonna cry so much from laughing too hard. someone else (it looks like vernon) appears from the corner and stares at mingyu, whose still on the floor. he leaves. you and wonwoo snort loudly, you shutting your eyes hard because it’s too funny. he locks his phone and puts it back on the nightstand, stroking your head while you continue to laugh.

“god, they’re so stupid,” you shake your head. “how does jihoon deal with them?”

“he tries not to.” wonwoo halfly jokes, scrunching up his nose. you snicker. “at least they get the job done, and jihoon will be less stressed.”

“hopefully the new hires don’t fuck up.”

“i made sure they won’t.” wonwoo says, looking at you with endearment. you can’t help but move up, and kiss him. he smiles into the kiss, even taking a hold of your face as you pepper him with soft kisses. “you’re being more adorable today.”

“well, i feel like i miss you a lot more lately,” you lightly push his glasses up. “even though i see you everyday, i don’t know, it’s different this time.”

“how so?”

you still don’t want to think about the disaster the week has been. but you want your heart to be open. steady.

“sometimes, i forget i’m not alone,” you tell him. his attentive gaze never leaves your face. “and that i don’t have to… i don’t have to burden everything all at once. and i’m sorry if i feel like i’m not relying on you.”

“baby,” wonwoo cups your face and squishes your cheeks. you inadvertently let out a laugh. “don’t be sorry. please don’t ever be.”

“i know, but i…”

“you’re very important to me.” he strokes your cheekbone. “i am always here. i’m sorry if i appeared… distant lately. you don’t deserve that.”

“it’s okay, woo. i’m just overthinking.”

“it’s not…” he whispers, face softening. “you had a bad week, and me being busy isn’t an excuse to make sure my baby is okay. like i said, you’re very important to me, and the love you give me makes me so happy. i love you so much.”

“i love you so much too, wonwoo… how did i deserve you?” you feel your heart swell, and the urge to cry comes. “sometimes i wonder about that.”

“you deserve everything. and i’ll make sure i can give everything to you.”

“then…” you trail off, going quiet for a moment. wonwoo watches you, and you raise yourself up, adjusting yourself to almost straddle his lap. “can you…”

“hm?”

“can you take care of me?” you whisper, tugging the hem of his shirt. you swallow the embarrassment down, reminding yourself that it’s okay. “please?”

it seems like a desperation from you, but wonwoo knows you best. you know that he’ll always and will take care of you with utmost tenderness and gentle love. but sometimes, just barely, or just too often, you question yourself how (and why) you deserve him. you already thought the shared kiss under the stars a few years ago was something he’d forget easily. but the nerd he is, he’ll plant constellations upon constellations of kisses across your body, (as if you’re the universe herself), and ask you to guess which constellation it is. on your anniversary, he’ll always kiss the libra constellation on you because that’s the one you both saw under that fated starry night. (although, he loves kissing the pisces constellation on your body. a lot).

wonwoo gazes upon you, eyes brimming with gentleness, and he carefully sits up, motioning you to move closer to him. his hands rest on your hips, his right thumb stroking your hip. your arms reach out to him, as they wrap slowly around his neck.

“how would like me to take care of you?” he whispers so low, leaning in close, his lips brushing against yours, his right hand going up to play with your sweatshirt, sending a chill down your spine.

“however you want.”

wonwoo pulls you in for a kiss, holding the back of your neck, while his left hand slips under your shorts, lightly caressing the back of your thigh. his tongue teases the roof of your mouth, causing you to let out a small whine, as his left hand takes a hold of your ass, occasionally squishing it.

“do you want me to continue?” wonwoo breathlessly says in between wet kisses. while he fiddles with the hem of your sweatshirt, you nod in response. “words, baby.”

“yes, please.”

“what do you want?”

you and wonwoo are no stranger to sex, but compared to your friends, you and him are considerably on the more… calmer side of things. and thats okay, it’s normal! everyone is different. tonight, however, feels different. even with his constant reassurance, little kisses of i’m here for you, and delicate whispers, you want wonwoo to…

“if you could help me not overthink, that’ll be great,” you feel yourself flush red, looking down at the end of his shirt, fiddling with it. “if you, uh, know what i mean.”

“oh.” wonwoo sighs when your fingers slip under his shirt and ghost over his chest. he’s figured what you meant. “are you sure?”

“as long as you fuck me, make me feel good,” you mumble, feeling yourself grind against him, kissing him wetly. “i could care less how you do it.”

wonwoo hisses at the pressure, and stares at you, a glint of lust and admiration starting to shine through, all while playing with the band of your shorts. he brings up a hand near your face, and pulls you in for another kiss, tongue toying with yours, and when you whine, he sucks the tip of your tongue.

“remember our safe word, baby?”

“kohyangi,” you breathe out, thinking about the cute cat cafe you both went to last year, while wonwoo kisses red blooms on your neck.

“how far do you want me to…”

“how we usually are, but i wanna see you try,” you stop wonwoo from kissing your neck, and you bring him to your face, letting him kiss you more. “you can be a little rougher tonight.”

“fuck, you’re gonna be the end of me.” he gently flips you over, carefully laying you down on the bed, lips never leaving yours until he briefly parts to remove his glasses. putting them on the nightstand clumsily, he comes back for your lips, and you melt against him. through his relentless teasing and his tender touches against you make your head spin. he kisses a little harder, a little more desperate, hands starting to roam around your frame, arms caging you– an underlying message that he isn’t going anywhere, and that he belongs to you, you are his, and that you are deserving of everything. a curious hand slips under your shirt, feeling your bare chest. his other hand toys with the band of your shorts, mumbling if it’s okay to take them off, and he swiftly removes them when you give him a ‘yes’.

“oh, this is pretty,” wonwoo compliments your underwear. it’s a baby blue thong. he takes off his shirt, tossing it somewhere in the room. “they new?”

“um, uh, yes? they were on sale… good deal, too…” you suddenly feel yourself shrink, turning red. you stare at his toned muscles, and you see a satisfied smirk on wonwoo’s face, eyes turning lustful. he pushes the sweatshirt high enough for your chest to be exposed to the air, never breaking eye contact until he swoops down, and starts planting kisses, tongue teasing your nipple, and occasionally biting at some places. “i bought a bunch since… kinda wanted to try wearing these… for you.”

you see wonwoo’s ears turn pink, and feel yourself crawling into a hole.

“aw, cute, my princess wants to treat me.” your brain screams. wonwoo kisses over the healed ink near your hip.“they look great on you, makes your tattoo here even sexier.”

“are.. are you doing the andromeda constellation?” you breathe out, trying to divert his (horny) attention somewhere else. “or is it something else?”

“mmhmm, correct, that’s my good girl,” wonwoo teases and you feel yourself choke on your own spit. he starts toying with the band of your underwear, and bites a mark on the hip bone. you didn’t even realize he’s already settled in between your legs until you feel him breathe. he tongues over the bite mark, soothing it. damn, ain’t this one nice way to go out. “you’re learning so well.”

“shit,” you shyly say between your teeth.

“keep the sweatshirt on, i wanna fuck you in it.”

“good, that was the intention.” you try to counter wonwoo, and you feel yourself twitch when wonwoo presses his thumb over your clothed clit. “does it make you possessive?”

“baby, you have no idea.” he responds, hooking a finger in the band of your thong.“may i?”

you nod at him, and he slowly peels off your underwear. as you slightly raise your hips so he can easily pull them off, he’s awkward with it, making you remove it instead. wonwoo clicks his tongue in slight annoyance. all you do is just smile at him, slipping them off with ease. you sit up (just a bit) to toss them somewhere on the bed or floor, and you don’t realize wonwoo is incredibly close to your pussy until you adjust your positioning. your breath hitches when he breathes.

“hm?” he starts to tease, kissing around the area and the lower stomach, but doesn’t do anything. “you’re pretty down here.”

“babe, please,” you try to sound exasperated but he plants the softest kiss on your clit and you almost collapse your arms. “just nervous, that’s all, even though we’ve done this a lot…”

“it’s okay, baby, i don’t blame you, i get nervous too,”wonwoo murmurs, and he can’t help it but he finds himself licking his lips. “may i eat you out?”

“yes, please.”

he first lightly swipes his tongue from the entrance to the clit, and he does it again, and again, and again, as you let out a soft noise the more he does it. he kisses your clit, and licks it, tongue flicking it a few times, doing a circular motion, and you sigh out a moan, hand resting on the crown of his head. he briefly pauses to use his thumbs to spread you out a little more, and opens his mouth, letting drool drip down on your pussy, watching it drip down, and he goes back in with his tongue. he increases the pressure, and you whine, almost hitting your head against the headboard. he keeps up the pace, moaning against your folds whenever you do, tongue slipping inside you occasionally. he starts to get even more sloppy, messy– making wet noises the more he eats you out.

“my princess is being so so good, so wet,” he mumbles lowly against your folds, hearing how wet he made you, briefly pulling away to kiss your inner thighs. you whine how his finger is teasing your hole, and his lips come back to suck on your clit again. “so needy, all for me.”

“fuck, fuck, fuck,” you whine breathlessly, feeling wonwoo’s hand grip your thigh a little harder. he looks up, eyes never breaking away from yours, while his tongue slowly licks up from the entrance to your clit. he closes his eyes, relishing in the taste of you. you are sure your thigh is going to bruise, but his head is in between your legs, so it’ll be worth the bruising. “wonwoo, fuck, oh my god,”

“mm, fuck, so sweet,” he mumbles against your pussy. a finger slips inside you, slowly moving back and forth. the bed slightly shakes, and you see that he’s lightly grinding against the sheets, in desperation for some relief. you sigh at the sight, trying to stifle a moan as he puts more pressure with his tongue. “baby, go ahead, be louder.”

“its, fuck, embarrassing! holy shit,” you respond back a little louder, body arching when wonwoo adds another finger and grazes that sweet spot inside. you feel wonwoo pin down your hips with his other hand. “so, fuck, so, so good.”

“good,” wonwoo coos. “how bad do you wanna come?”

“so bad, fuck, fuck, oh my god,” your brain feels dizzy. “please wonwoo, please.”

wonwoo hums, continuing to suck your clit with wet noises and fingering you good. you find yourself mumbling incoherent sentences, and you find yourself feeling a wave of relief and pleasure overtake your body, trying to breathe. you clench around his fingers, hearing wonwoo coax you through your orgasm, leaving little kisses on you of you’re doing so well for me, and my baby, baby, all mine.

“can i spit in your mouth?” wonwoo removes his mouth from you, but his fingers have slowed their movement.

“yes.” you whine at the brief loss.

“open up.” he demands softly, a wet thumb pressing against your bottom lip. you oblige, and he leans in, letting drool drip down from his mouth into yours, his fingers busy with your hole, and uses his tongue to push it in your mouth. you shut your eyes, moaning while wonwoo’s tongue meets with yours.“good girl. was that okay?”

“y-yes,” you say in between wet kisses. another finger slips inside you, making it three, while you both make out, tasting yourself against his tongue. “it was good.”

“do you want me to do it again tonight?” wonwoo slightly rolls on his side, all while fingering you and peppering your neck with more kisses.

“it was really hot but,” you moan, trying to reach the band of his sweatpants. you can see how hard he is, and how much relief he desperately needs. “i don’t know if i wanna do it again. not again tonight, if that’s okay.”

“it’s always okay, baby, thank you,” wonwoo smiles against your neck, and you really wonder how you feel horny and soft all at once. he feels your fingers tease the band of his sweatpants, almost tracing the dent against it.“oh, baby, no need to worry about me.”

“but i want to make you feel good, too,” you say softly, breaths staggering while he fingers you long and slow. “don’t want—fuck— to be the only one.”

“well,” wonwoo gazes at you, eyes half-lidded with a slight fucked out look on his face. “does my girl want to make me feel good? words, baby, i need to hear them.”

“i want to make you feel good, please.”

“how badly?”

“s-so bad,” you whine when wonwoo removes his fingers from you. rolling on top of him, you press your body against his, your fingers holding the band of his sweats. “i want to suck you off.”

“wanna show me how with my fingers?” he brings up his fingers covered in your wetness close to your lips. “how will my baby suck me off?”

“only if you let me jerk you off, too.”

“i’d love that, fuuck,” wonwoo groans when you pull down his sweats and your hand wraps over his hard dick. he’s so fucking hard. your thumb teases the tip, playing with the precum and letting your hand coat itself in it. wonwoo’s fingers slowly go in your mouth, and you swirl your tongue around them. “baby, fuck, you’re such a slut.”

“y-you’re the bigger slut,” you shyly whisper against his fingers. you help wonwoo get out from his sweatpants, leaving him naked, and you start grinding your cunt against his bare thigh. he hisses, feeling how wet you are down there, and his free hand grabs a hold of your hip. “you made me like this.”

“you’re so wet, baby,” wonwoo sighs, pulling you in for a kiss, sighing when you jerk him off slowly. as you slightly pick up the pace, thumbing the slit, wonwoo’s hand reaches from behind to play with your hole. you quickly pull away to let a trail of spit go down his cock for some lubrication, and wonwoo throws his head back, groaning, when you jerk him off faster. “fuck, that’s my girl, go ahead, suck me off.”

“and you’re calling me the slut,” you mumble. you hear wonwoo laugh against your lips, until you feel his hand lightly slap your ass. you sigh at the pain, wonwoo rubbing the reddenning spot. “wow, kinky, are we?”

“you’re cute.”

“you like it.”

“you’re so– oh, fuck,” wonwoo feels his breathing stagger when you slide down, your tongue teasing the tip. you look up, trying hard to maintain eye contact, all while holding his thick cock with your hand (you forget how thick he is, you can barely wrap your hand around it completely) and giving it kittenish licks, before wrapping your lip around the tip. you make a few wet sucking noises, before spitting down on his cock for more lubrication. “fuck, baby, can you take all of me?”

“i haven’t even done anything yet,” you continue to trail your tongue along the veins and stroke him at the girth, and he moans— you feel yourself clench around nothing, wanting to hear more of it. “wanna tell me what should i do?”

“d-do as you please.” he groans out your name, cursing under his breath, and strokes your head as you continue to suck him off. not only does he love it when he ensures you’re vocal about what you want, he loves it when you ask him what he wants. being communicative is something he prioritizes so much (in general, obviously). and during times like these, communication is so so sexy.

you look at him, eyes signaling am i doing good for you?, and wonwoo bites his lip, enthralled by the sight. he really, really, can’t wait to ravish you.

“oh, holy fuck,” his thoughts get slightly interrupted when he feels his cock almost hit the back of your throat. feelings mixed with surprise and arousal that overwhelm him, he bites his lip to avoid a moan slipping out, wrapping his own hand around the base and presses it, edging himself. “oh, fuck, baby, you don’t have to take everything in.”

“b-but,” you remove your mouth from him, a slick pop sound coming out, as a trail of spit and come stick on your mouth. you still use your hands to jerk him off, looking at him with glossed eyes. “i wanna make you feel good.”

“you already are, baby,” wonwoo hitches his breath when you put your mouth back on his cock, a finger trailing your jaw. “but i’m the one who was suppose to fuck you til you can’t think, right? do you still want that, sweetheart?”

“uh-huh,” you mumble. “i-i do.”

“come here, then,” wonwoo encourages you to come up, licking your mouth. he runs a tongue on the roof of your mouth, as you moan while his hand plays with your hole again. “i taste good, don’t i?”

“mmhmm,” you reply against his lips, and wonwoo easily slips two fingers inside you again. he sucks on your bottom lip, fingering you faster, and you find yourself instinctively riding his fingers, moans getting more desperate as his other hand takes a hold of your hip and helps you ride his fingers. “fuck, fuck, fuck, i’m gonna cum again, oh my god, your fingers are so good, woo.”

“that’s it, baby,” wonwoo says, adding in a third finger. you feel his thumb press again your clit. “come for me again, sweetheart.”

you ride out your second orgasm of the night. although it’s not as intense as the first, it feels more of like a softer wave holding you close. wonwoo kisses your neck and collarbones, whispering you praises and love notes as he helps you finish.

“please fuck me already,” you whine into the kiss, and wonwoo starts playing with the hem of your sweatshirt. “wonwoo, please, i want you…”

“patience, baby,” wonwoo whisper in your ear, and you feel his hand go up and down your back. “i’ll take care of you as long as you like me to. can you go on your hands and knees for me, baby?”

“can we kiss first?”

“of course, baby.”

you’ll never get sick of kissing wonwoo, ever. you find how you melt into each other’s warmth, comfort, and love— and how he feels like home, the hugs on rainy days, the shared smiles— you adore how his kisses are reminders of i’m always here and love letters, how much he loves you- all of you—

wonwoo shifts when you move onto the position, him moving his hand down your back. he asks if its okay if he can lift up your hips a little higher, and says good girl when you follow his instruction.

“can i…?” wonwoo asks, raising your hips up, so your ass is sticking up in the air. “can i fuck you holding one of your arms behind your back?”

“holy fuck,” you whisper, looking at him, a part of your face squished by the pillow. you and wonwoo aren’t that experimental, but this… is something. “if that will help you fuck me so hard til i can’t think, then okay.”

wonwoo slows his movements, and stares at you.

oh.

oh.

oh, fuck, that’s hot.

“well, if you say so,” he leans over, tilts your head to give you a kiss, before opening the drawer to grab a condom. “you’re gonna kill me.”

“at least fuck me first.” you joke, and wonwoo chuckles at that, pushing up your sweatshirt to expose your back. he kisses down your spine, and you hear the rustle of the condom wrapper. wonwoo adjusts your body, and you almost feel like a cramp coming on, but it’s okay—

“ready, baby?” wonwoo asks lowly. you nod against the pillow. “words, sweetheart. may i have your hand?”

“mm, yeah, i’m ready, are you?” you put your hand around your back, and you feel wonwoo’s hand wrap around your wrist.

“yeah, i’m putting it in,” wonwoo says, and you feel the tip prod against your entrance, and you bite back a moan before he slowly inserts himself in. you squeeze your eyes shut, gasping against the pillow, remembering to take deep breaths. you need a moment to adjust, but the stretch alone feels wonderful. “you okay?”

“y-yes,” you exhale. “fuck, i feel all of you, so, so much.”

“fuck, you’re so tight.” wonwoo groans, slowly bottoming out. “need a moment?”

“yeah.” you let yourself adjust to his cock, as wonwoo rubs your back (his way of helping you relax). a minute passes, and you start to feel good, inadvertently moving your hips back to his. wonwoo moans, and it encourages you to move faster against him. “f-fuck, oh my god, please fuck me, you’re so big—”

wonwoo finds himself moving his hips fast, a hand gripping your hip, the other pinning your wrist behind your back, as you gasp on how loud, wet, and hard he’s going. as hard and fast-paced his thrusts are, it remains concise and controlled. you hear him groan the more he thrusts into you, and you briefly look back at him, seeing him fling his head back in pleasure. god, it feels so good, the sounds of skin slapping grow louder, breathing out of sync, you feel so full, so fucking full, your head is starting to get dizzy—

your senses come back when wonwoo slows his pace, and you whine, tightening around him as a means to get him to move.

“nuh-uh, don’t come just yet,” wonwoo tuts, shallowly thrusting in you. “i’m not done with you.”

“w-what, fuck! oh my god, please go harder,” you tell him, feeling drool come out from your mouth, and wonwoo lets go of your hand, gently placing it above your head.

“so, so, impatient,” wonwoo slaps your ass, watching you fuck yourself on him. he continues to let you fuck yourself on him, his frame swooping down so he can whisper. “so needy for my cock, hm? didn’t know my baby is such a needy, little slut. look at you fucking yourself on me. i haven’t even fucked you stupid yet, and look at you being so needy for me. my baby is such a cute little whore.”

“wonwoo, please move,” you breathe, looking at him with glossy eyes. wonwoo continues to stare at you with lust and endearment, all while shallowly fucking into you. “i want you so much, ahhhh fuck, please, please.”

“hm? what was that?” wonwoo coos, and you whine even more. you feel like crying. wonwoo rubs his hands down your side. “oh, baby, it’s okay, i’ll give you want you want. wanna tell me what you want?”

“y-you, please.”

“just me?”

“want you to fuck me til i can’t think.”

“that’s it?”

“wanna be y-your cute little whore for you.”

and that’s all it takes for wonwoo to remove himself out from you. you wince at the loss of him, as you feel tears in your eyes, but he steadily grabs you, flipping you on your back. he pumps himself, spitting on his fingers and they go down to your pussy, playing with your clit with his thumb and wraps your legs around his waist.

“keep your legs wrapped for me, okay?” he says, using his long fingers to play with you. “can you do that for me?”

“yes,” you nod, and wonwoo peppers soft kisses around your neck and face. “wonwoo?”

“mm, baby?”

“can you spit in my mouth again?”

“oh, fuck, yes,” it catches wonwoo off guard and you find it cute how flustered he got. “i can, yeah.”

“good,” you nudge his back with your leg, telling him to start moving.

“ready?”

“mmhm- ah, fuck!” you nod, but wonwoo slips inside easily, holding onto your hips hard, fucking you at a hard, controlled pace. “oh my god, fuuuck, fuck!”

wonwoo smiles, watching your expressions change accordingly. he takes in all of your noises, expressions, all of you, how you ask to go faster, how you’re trying to fuck back too, how you’re willing to make it good for both of you. wonwoo takes a hold of your hand, putting it above your head. he gets caught off guard when you put your other hand up, and wraps his hand around your wrists, pinning them against the sheets.

“fuck, baby, you’re so tight, your pretty pussy loves taking me in, hm?” wonwoo whispers, and his free hand creeps up on your neck, but doesn’t add pressure on it. “open up.”

you oblige, and you feel him twitch. you tighten in instinct, as he lets spit drip down from his mouth to yours, and sticks his tongue in your mouth to push it in again. you moan at that, eyes going shut, all while wonwoo fucks harder and harder and harder. you feel nothing running in your brain, it feels numbing, feels exhilarating, you just feel yourself get lost into the pleasure and the praise wonwoo kisses on your skin. you numbingly hear him say words and words of i love you, can’t believe you are all mine, fuck you’re too good for me, come for me, your senses get blurred out, like your feeling everything all at once, and you don’t know when but you feel yourself unravel, coming undone as wonwoo finishes too, hips stuttering.

“baby…” wonwoo sighs against your lips, hands cautiously rubbing your sides, while putting his body weight against yours. “come back to me.”

“mmrgh?” you make a weird noise, feeling warm and a little light-headed. you hear wonwoo telling you to take deep breaths, and you use your hands to hold onto his shoulders. kisses and kisses and kisses of you did so well scatter across your skin like a cluster of stars, as wonwoo strokes your head with a comforting touch. “wonwoo?”

“m’ here baby, i’m right here,” he says, carefully slipping out from inside you after he softens. “i’m here, are you here?”

“yeah, sorry,” you finally collect yourself together, staring at the ceiling. wonwoo shifts on the bed, rolling over next to you to discard the condom, and plops next to you, an arm wrapping around your waist. you look over at him, lost in his bright eyes, and fucked out glow. “you did it.”

“wha?”

“you fucked me stupid, i don’t remember thinking at all.” you laugh. wonwoo’s face turns more pink, and he grumbles into your neck, kissing a spot or two.

“was that all okay?” he asks, stroking your head with one hand, playing with your hands with the other. “we did a little experimenting tonight.”

“it was good, yes, thank you,” you tell him, stroking his cheek fondly. “kinda wanna do more of it, you know.”

“oh.”

“oh my god, don’t act like a shy boy when you fucked me with your big dick.”

“i’m…” wonwoo get even more shy, and you laugh, kissing his nose and his cheeks. “just wasn’t expecting that, that’s all.”

“is it a lot for you?”

“no, i’m glad you trust me, and that i’m able to trust you.” wonwoo says, rubbing your stomach. “we should clean up.”

“eh, i kinda wanna lay here.” you say, sort of sprawling out on the bed. you stretch your arm a little weird so it ends up across wonwoo’s body. “too tired.”

“baby, you work in healthcare. didn’t they teach you to pee after sex?”

“i work in an eye clinic!”

“well yeah! same idea! it’s still healthcare! i’m getting you to clean up.” wonwoo says, slipping out of bed and grab his sweatpants. he slips it on, and goes over to your side, but you start rolling away, not wanting to get out of bed. “baby, don’t do that.”

“i want to cuddle first,” you say, not bothering to fight back when wonwoo grabs your body to carry you to the bathroom. “i feel like jelly.”

“good, that’s what i intended,” wonwoo kisses your face when you wrap your arms around his neck. “we can cuddle after. what do you want for breakfast?”

“eggs. toast, if we have bread. do we have bread?” wonwoo shrugs . “uh, coffee? oh! and maybe fried rice.”

“you work tomorrow?” he asks. you shake your head. “good, we’ll sleep in, eat breakfast, you wanna go play stardew valley together?”

you grin, giving him a kiss.

god, you love him so fucking much.

[mikeandikeschmidt]

FNAFMovie!Incorrect Quotes: Part Four

WILLIAM, as Steve Raglan: You're clearly not listening. I can say whatever I want, can't I?

MIKE, half asleep: Tell me about it.

WILLIAM: I murdered another kid last night.

MIKE: I feel you.

WILLIAM: Now I have the taste of blood, I can't stop killing.

MIKE, yawning: Been there

***

MIKE: If I seem intense, that's for one reason and one reason only, okay? I don't wanna be here and I'm really sad.

***

VANESSA: Why is Barbie's the Nutcracker the only good film adaptation of the ballet that has ever been made?

MIKE, who’s been around Abby too long: Because Barbie movies slap, next question.

***

WILLIAM: it's time for you to die.

ABBY: One sec, let me ask my brother

WILLIAM: It's not a choi--

ABBY: Mike said no.

***

MIKE: I did what I could, you know, while I was also trying not to bleed to death.

***

WILLIAM: I will ruin your happiness, no matter the cost!

MIKE: My happiness?

MIKE, turning to Vanessa: I'm happy?

***

ABBY: You wanna see how hardcore I am?

ABBY: *punches wall*

ABBY:

ABBY: Take me to the hospital.

***

MIKE: Well, well, well. If it isn’t my old friend...the dawning realization that I messed up bad.

***

MRS. AFTON: Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.

WILLIAM: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD

MRS. AFTON: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes. Also, use soap this time?

***

WILLIAM, a career counselor: Look, I would like to give you moral advice, but I have very questionable morals.

***

MIKE: You're my little sister and the most important thing in the world to me. I would do anything for you.

ABBY: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

MIKE: Absolutely not.

***

MIKE: What doesn't kill me should run, because now I'm ticked off

***

MIKE: You saved me. I owe you my life.

VANESSA: No, thanks. I’ve seen it and I’m not very impressed.

***

WILLIAM, first interviewing Mike: You look familiar. Have I killed one of your loved ones before?

***

MIKE: Fool me once, I’m gonna kill you

***

MIKE: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?

WILLIAM: You mean literally or figuratively?

MIKE: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...

***

WILLIAM: 'Person of interest' is almost too flattering.

WILLIAM: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, 'Someone has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,' I'd be like, 'Moi? Oh, do go on.'

***

VANESSA: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.

MIKE: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

***

MIKE: People are always asking me if I'm a morning person or a night person. And I'm just like, 'Buddy! I'm barely even a PERSON!'

***

ABBY: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside

MIKE:

MIKE: Abby, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...

ABBY: *Sips chocolate milk from bowl*

***

MIKE: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

(This can apply to both the movie and the game)

***

VANESSA: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

MIKE, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

***

MIKE: Okay, maybe playing, "Whose family is more dysfunctional" was a bad idea. Vanessa's sobbing in the bathroom now. We can't get her out.

***

MIKE: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so let's go for 12 more just incase.

VANESSA: Mike, that's a coma.

MIKE: Sounds festive.

***

VANESSA: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!

MIKE: How can you still say that?

VANESSA: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

***

WILLIAM: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-

VANESSA: Twelve, actually.

WILLIAM: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really, whose fault is that?

VANESSA: Yours!

WILLIAM: That's right: no one's.

***

[Mike is the only one raising Abby after his dad’s depressed and his mom lost it]

MIKE: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Mike’s Dad: You're, like, 15 years old

MIKE: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

***

WILLIAM, sitting with his back turned: I’ve been expecting you, Michael

MIKE: How did you do that without turning around?

WILLIAM: ...To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

***

[The career counselor scene]

MIKE, explaining why he's gone through so many jobs: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.

WILLIAM: Mike, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're stupid

***

MIKE, banging on the door: Vanessa! Open up!

VANESSA: Well, it all started when I was a kid...

MIKE: No, I meant--

ABBY: Let her finish.

***

[ilexdiapason]

(part one here) (part two here)

Oli leaves Martyn with his laptop in the living room while he brews the pair of them a cup of tea each in the kitchen. When asked whether he’d like milk and/or sugar, Martyn hesitated for way too long before saying he’d just like to have the same thing Oli was having. So, two teas with milk and three sugars it is. Let it never be said Oli breaks British stereotypes.

When Oli brings the tray back through with the teas, Martyn is still glued to the laptop, looking fairly shellshocked. “What’s that look for? You found anything?”

“No, just… thought I’d go find some of the YouTubers I was subscribed to, see what I missed. Didn’t realise Minecraft had come back in such a big way.”

Oli chuckles and takes a seat. “Yeah - I mean, it was a lot of us playing on Rats, did you never wonder?”

He looks up at Oli, raised eyebrows under that headband of his. “That was Minecraft?”

And…

Yeah, no, Oli’s not even gonna try and broach the implications of that question.

“Tea,” he says instead, gesturing to the tray on the coffee table between them.

Martyn sets the laptop down to the side and picks up a mug (Don’t Talk To Me Until I’ve Eaten This Mug, a personal favourite of Oli’s). He cups it gently, as though he’s not used to the heat - and maybe he isn’t. “Never used to drink tea,” he comments, “though mainly that’s cause my mum wouldn’t let me put the sugars in when I was twelve, and I pretty much swore it off out of spite after that.”

“Well, it’s not for everyone.”

He sips at it anyway - flinches away from the surface, from the burn, most likely. “Nothing wrong with it,” he reassures once it’s safely back on the tray, “just needs a few minutes to chill.”

“If you wanted ice tea, you could’ve just said so,” Oli quips.

“No, it’s - it’s good! I like the…” His hands flail aimlessly, gesturing at a meaning Oli finds himself entirely incapable of grasping. “I promise.”

“Alright.”

They sit in quiet for a few minutes after that, Oli drinking from his own cup and watching the laptop for any correspondence from his coworkers. He’s got some code that needs correcting, which a supervisor sent over, but he doesn’t think his brain is gonna be switching gears from this situation back to C# any time soon.

Eventually, Martyn picks the cup back up and tries again. This time he seems to be able to get a good mouthful of tea down, and another few teaspoons’ worth down his face and on his shirt. “Oh - are you alr- do you need some kitchen roll?”

“Uh,” says Martyn, eloquently. “Probably.”

So it is kitchen roll that he fetches, and it is kitchen roll that Martyn uses to attempt to dab his new tea stains out of his shirt. It’s also at this point that Oli notices something unusual. “Is your arm okay?”

“Hmm?”

“That looks like scarring, right? I mean, I assume it was a while ago, but -”

“Yeah, no, yeah, that’s old. Told you, didn’t I? Cats are vicious.”

He’s grinning, but Oli doesn’t exactly want to take a joke from the old Minecraft server as the only explanation. “Seriously. It’s not more stuff to do with this missing person situation, is it?”

The grin drops. Now, Martyn looks more resigned than anything. “Yeah. Wasn’t, like, torture or anything. I just got a bit banged up. You know how it gets.”

“Erm - well, I don’t, actually.” He’s never got a bit banged up in a way that left him with lasting scarring all down his limbs. “So now would be a great time to get some more explanation, if you have one.”

“I don’t,” says Martyn, quick as anything.

“So, what, I just send you home, and things go back to normal, except you’re in the Discord now?”

He studies Oli. There’s something really cold in there, a light that went out a long time ago. It’s clear that going back to normal isn’t really on the cards for Martyn, that even if this missing situation is all neatly resolved, it’s left him a different person from the one that his family know.

(But again - how do the video games square with all of this?)

When Martyn speaks, eventually, it’s not to answer the question. “Oh, fuck, Doc.”

“... Doc?”

“He’s - it’s this guy I knew, back home, he’s - god damn it, he still lives there, if I - fuck, fuck, I can’t go home, I can’t.”

This sudden switch from broken bleakness to a high-emotion panic is one that Oli neither anticipates nor knows how to respond to. “Hey - slow down, Marty, give it a minute,” he says, hoping that by delaying Martyn he can give himself more time to think about how to help with whatever the problem is.

“Fuck,” and is Martyn starting to cry? “I can’t go back, not if he’s gonna hear about it, and he will, I’m gonna be on the fucking news for how long I was in there, fucking -”

“Martyn,” Oli says, loud and authoritative enough to cut off his catastrophising. (Well, the concern might be entirely validated; Oli doesn’t know who this Doc guy is, after all. Still, he didn’t get that Psychology degree for nothing, and he’ll use the buzzwords if he wants to use the damn buzzwords.) “It’s okay. You’re not home, not right now. Nobody knows where you are, not this guy, not even your mum yet. Which would probably be a terrifying thing to say in any other case, but I’m guessing it’s not as bad for you.”

Martyn nods mutely, tears on his cheeks.

“So - alright, and you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want, that’s fine, but I’m just asking - who is that? To you?”

“He’s, uh.” Martyn’s voice cracks, wet and directionless. “He’s just a guy I know. Used to fix my consoles up for me, upgrade ‘em. Sold me some pretty sweet parts for the PC, too, even had a GPU on hand when the shortage was happening. God, NFTs aren’t still big, are they?”

“No, thank god, that bubble burst a long time ago,” Oli can’t help but smile. “Sounds like he was alright. What was the catch?”

“Um. He… kinda hired me? For something? That was pretty dangerous, but he didn’t have anybody else for the job? And then I realised he was - basically breaking a lot of labour laws, quite recently, did not realise how big of a dickhead he really was until… I don’t know how long it’s been. Anywhere from last night to a few days ago. But if I go home… well, he’s gonna be there, and he’s gonna want that job done, and he’s not gonna care that I’ve quit.”

Oli takes another sip of his tea while he processes all that.

Martyn sits up straight, very suddenly, and announces, “I was not being sex trafficked.”

One choked-on swallow later, which thankfully goes back into the mug for the most part, and Oli is laughing from the shock. “No, no, I didn’t - ack - didn’t even cross my mind, Marty, don’t worry. But that’s… good to know.”

“Yeah,” says Martyn.

“Yeah.”

He picks his own mug back up and, slowly but surely, drains the rest of it. There’s a constant wince in his expression that suggests he doesn’t really like tea, but Oli’s not about to stop him from drinking it if he’s decided to drink it. When he’s done, he clears his throat. “But, uh, yeah. If I go back home, Doc’s gonna catch wind, and he’ll probably find a way to get me right back into the mess I just got out of. And I don’t want that, obviously, so… I’m gonna have to… do something else.”

“I mean,” says Oli, making another probably-stupid decision, “my sofa’s free if you need to crash?”

“No, I should - I’ve gotta make good on my word to Mum, don’t I? Gotta show my face. Just… carefully, and quietly, and not answering to any strange men with retro games playing on their third monitor when they’re not using it.”

“Alright,” he repeats, but it feels more like willingly sending this clearly young adult straight back into the terrible situation from which he’s just escaped than it does bringing him home.

And, seriously, where do the video games fit in?

(part four here)

[freestyle-crocodile-trashpile]

Dark

[A/n: Oh and just a BTW I've never played cod mw2 so if 8 get their personalities wrong that's why, I'm just going off of what I read p, including wiki]

Summary: The new guy is terrifying at night due to his size and speed

Type: Short scenario: Gaz X Male!Reader: Soap X Make!Reader: Alejandro X Male!Reader: Price X Male!Reader: Ghost X Male!Reader: Ruby X Male!Reader

Version: Cod Mw2

Gaz

He already gets scared easily so when you came in it got worst, more than expected so when one day when he woke up at night to get a drink, he clearly didn’t see you getting his water he heard you, well he didn’t know it was you obviously. But you never once thought you’d see a military soldier stop and turn around so scared in his life. But when he saw you towering over him, he calmed down and playfully slapped you. 

“My god you scared me.”

Ghost

You know you’re scary when you scare Ghost, The Ghost. Ghost doesn’t sleep when everyone else does so he was just thirsty. When he got to the kitchen, he looked around like usual, but somehow, he didn’t see you. When he was making tea, he heard you walking over to him. He didn’t do anything at first and waited for you to get closer. As soon as you were at arm’s length, he spun around and roundhouse-kicked you. When he saw you, he calmed down a bit.

“Don’t sneak up on me Soldier.”

Alejandro

Now Alejandro isn’t one to get scared, we know this, but you somehow did. Entering the kitchen late at night he was still really tired from the day prior, which is no surprise when you are in the military. So, since he was so tired, he didn’t care for his surroundings, so he clearly didn’t see you. Even when he opened the fridge and pulled out a yahoo chocolate milk, he didn’t even know when they got yahoos. He didn’t even close the fridge when he took a drink of the yahoo, while he was in mid-drink he turned around and saw you standing there causing him to almost choke on his drink. While he was coughing, he threw his cap at you, not wanting to spill his drink.

“¡Eres idiota! ¡No te acerques sigilosamente a mí, Dios mío!“

Ruby

Just like Alejandro, he was really tired and just didn’t process that you were in the room with him, but he didn’t care either way. Opening the fridge door, he looked around confused since his yahoo wasn’t there.  All of a sudden, he’s wide awake, moving everything around and throwing things out of the fridge. Now you’ve seen Ruby mad but not like this. Whipping around he jumped back when he saw you but that fear instantly disappeared. He grabbed the collar of your shirt and pulled you down since you were quite taller than him.

“¿¡BEBISTE MI YAHOO!? ¡¡¿EH?!! ¿¡FUISTE TÚ!?“

Price

He was actually about to go to bed but had to get a drink first, his cigars were making him thirsty. Grabbing his “number one dad” mug and filling it with water. As he slowly drank his water, still thinking about past events that happened this morning. For example, Soap and Ghost were having a training session when Gaz brought everyone drinks like he did in high school, and for the rest of the day, he was called water boy. Chuckling softly Price turned around, when he saw you he jumped hard. Gasping a bit after he inhaled his water he leaned on the sink and glared at you.

“Boy...Just wait for tomorrow.”

Soap

Now if anyone’s easy to scare, it’s soap. He may be amazing at his job and a really good fighter but my god does this boy jump. You could pat his shoulder anytime when he isn’t looking and he’ll jump like a cat when it sees a cucumber. So when he got up at night to get a drink of water he didn’t see you. His glasses weren’t on (i feel like soap secretly wears glasses but only at night and when he’s reading). He heard you but when he turned around he couldn't see you, so he stood there holding his cup of water just looking around terrified. When he finally saw you he punched you and ran completely leaving the cup of water behind, cause he saw you but didn’t see who you were.

“ GHOST!!! THERE’S A INUREDER”

(A/n: this was super fun to write honestly. I hope you enjoyed)

[thelalalalatestrevolutionnewsies]

Newsies quotes as real stuff my friends and I have said:

Romeo: “Is Israel in Italy?”

Buttons: “If my last name was walker I’d name my son Luke.— wait no”

Henry: “pedestrians! please pedester!”

Specs: “…Why is there an earbud in my sock?”

Buttons: “Maybe I should put matcha in my face mask…actually no I’m allergic to that. Well. Technically I’m allergic to everything I’m putting on my face but oh well.”

Race: “I have never fallen asleep before”

Kid Blink: “Ok then. I’m just stuck underneath a pile of legs.”

Crutchie: “You cannot tell me Andrew Lloyd-Webber wasn’t high when he wrote cats”

Davey: “how do you spell that? Epicurean?”

Race, Albert, Jojo, Elmer, (the rest of the newsies) “WHaT?! Davey doesn’t know how to spell that?!—like idek what that means but I’m in SHOCK that he doesn’t know how to spell that!…”

Jack: “I am a hoe”

Elmer: “ look at the sunset… and just remember… whoever you love is watching this sunset too”

Spot: it’s a sunrise but okay

Elmer: dang it. I blew that.

Finch: “Oh no—it’s the sad scene. I’m gonna wash my face while she dies.”

Mike: “now you put the vaseline on your eyelashes. don’t be too precious it’s okay if you stab your eye out”

Ike: “did you just say ‘it’s okay if you stAb yOuR eYe!?!’ Louis Braille would not agree.”

Kathrine: “I literally cannot believe there are people who just drink tap water—what psychopaths.”

Buttons: “would you kindly frick-off?!… I say with all the respect in the world.”

Elmer: “I have news! Not bad or good just terrible.”

Jojo: “Hey listen, my future wife will love me for me depression spending.”

Albert: “WORLD WAR ONE??? I thought it was the civil war where George Washington crossed the Delaware River on Christmas Eve?!”

Buttons: “That’s bad. That’s like a it’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me, level problem.”

“Davey, does Walmart have milk?”

“Yes Albert it’s a grocery store.”

“NO IT ISN’T IT’S A HOME DEPOT STORE.”

“aLbErT hOmE dePot iS a HoMe dEpoT stOrE”

[sentinelpri]

Hush Hush

It’s a warm day in Konoha as Naruto Uzumaki runs up to his teammates, Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura Haruno. They’ve been waiting for him on the bridge- probably for a little too long- but he is not to blame nearly as much as his spoiled milk. When he approaches the two other Genin, he excitedly greets them with a smile. 

“Sakura, Sasuke!”

Naruto stands in front of his friends and waits for whatever it is they have to say in response to him, though he doesn’t really care. They have their normal D-rank missions today- stupid grunt work like walking dogs, picking weeds, catching cats, and babysitting noble children- but Naruto has something more important on his mind; Iruka-Sensei’s upcoming birthday.

“Naruto, you’re late!” Sakura scolds, then pauses to look at his face. “Oh, no. You look like you’re up to no good this morning.”

“Yeah, now that she mentions it, you have even more pep in your step than usual,” Sasuke points out as he crosses his arms and rolls his eyes.

“Iruka-Sensei’s birthday is in a couple months!” Naruto exclaims, though neither Sakura nor Sasuke look very impressed with the important information he’s just told them.

“And?” Sasuke questions with a raised eyebrow. “Why should I care?”

“Well, y’know, he’s like a dad to me,” Naruto answers, speaking a little quieter now. Sakura’s expression softens, but Sasuke’s remains unmoving; uncaring as always. Naruto can’t stand that about the Uchiha. “I want to do something for him! It took me a while to come up with something, but I think I have a good plan. The only problem is that I need both you guys’ help with it.”

“And why would I want to do that?”

“C’mon, Sasuke, Iruka-Sensei was a good teacher to all of us and you know it!” Sakura argues and places a hand on Sasuke’s shoulder. Unsurprisingly, Sasuke scoffs and pulls away. “The least we could do is do something nice for him!”

“Fine,” Sasuke sighs and looks at Naruto. “What’s your plan, then?”

“Now that’s where it gets tricky,” Naruto laughs nervously, then continues. He doesn’t meet either of his teammates’ eyes. “I was thinking, Iruka-Sensei works way too much. Like, it’s so bad that he spends all his time teaching, doing dumb teacher stuff that isn’t teaching, or training! He has no friends, it’s actually kinda sad, but what if we got him a girlfriend?”

“Your idea of a birthday gift is setting up this poor, traumatized, overworked man with a date?” 

“Sasuke, don’t be such a downer!” Sakura insists. “I think it’s a great idea- Iruka-Sensei could use a little love in his life! He does seem pretty lonely.”

“I don’t think that’s such a great idea… Hm,” Sasuke shrugs in what appears to be a reluctant agreement. “Fine. Since you two are so excited about it, I’ll help, but I refuse to take the blame if it backfires.”

Suddenly, the final member of their team shows up; Kakashi, who’s even later than Naruto. The Jonin flickers down to stand behind Naruto.

“Man, you guys are awful,” Kakashi laughs, looking terribly amused. “Your poor former Sensei is overworked and his birthday is coming up, so you think what he needs is a girlfriend? Like that won’t add more stress and commitment to his life?”

“K-Kakashi-Sensei!” Naruto jumps and whirls around to face Kakashi, whose chest he nearly slams his head into. “When did you get here!?”

“Before you did, Naruto, I was just hiding in the trees to listen to your little scheme,” Kakashi explains. “You know, you really shouldn’t make a habit of being so late to things.”

“Like you’re one to talk!? You’re even more late than I am!”

“Tsk tsk. Do as I say, not as I do, you’ll live much happier lives that way. That being said, shall we get started for the day?”

All three of them answer, Naruto’s birthday gift for Iruka forgotten for now.

“Yes, Kakashi-Sensei!”

~

Later that day, Sakura gathers her two teammates to revisit their plan for Iruka’s birthday. The gist of Naruto’s idea is to find someone in the village that would be a good fit for Iruka and set them up on a blind date around the day of Iruka’s birthday. It sounds sensible enough, but when Sakura finds herself dragged along with Sasuke to lurk in a tree just outside of the academy, she can’t help but be a tad confused about what’s going on.

“Okay, so I understand why you want to get Iruka-Sensei a girlfriend, but how are we going to do that by stalking him?” Sakura questions while furrowing her brow in confusion.

“Well, we have to make sure he doesn’t already have a super secret hidden relationship first!” Naruto answers oh-so-confidently, to which Sasuke pinches the bridge of his nose between his pointer finger and his thumb before responding with an exasperated-

“God, you’re a fucking idiot.”

“I dunno, I think it’s a fair point,” Sakura acquiesces to Naruto’s idea, even if she doesn’t want to admit that she agrees with the hardheaded blond more than she does with Sasuke. “It’d be pretty awkward if we tried to set him up on a date only to find out he’s already with someone.”

“Yup! Just as I said!” Naruto says in a terribly loud whisper, his bright blue eyes trained on Iruka as he walks out of the academy. Unfortunately, Iruka isn’t an idiot. He looks around, clearly on guard and aware of the fact that he’s not alone when he leaves work. Naruto is oblivious to it. “So we’re just gonna follow him for a few days, get a hang of his routine. Surely if he’s seeing someone we’d notice them, so if we don’t see anything, we can go ahead with the real plan!”

“Fine, if you say so…” Sakura trails off. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

~~

Sasuke Uchiha has a single goal in life; to kill his brother, Itachi Uchiha, and avenge his clan. So, he doesn’t like wasting time on trivial things like romance or D-Rank missions, preferring to spend his time training and doing more important things. That being said, since being assigned to squad seven, Sasuke has learned that he can make connections with people- whether he wants to or not. Sakura and Naruto are both very persistent and surprisingly endearing, so he can’t help but love them dearly, even if he will never admit it out loud to either of them.

Because of that love, he goes along with their foolish plan to set Iruka up on some sort of date. A couple of weeks have passed since Naruto mentioned his idea to them and they haven’t gotten any closer to bringing that idea to fruition. Iruka’s birthday draws closer and closer by the day.

Sasuke can’t understand why his teammates have such an interest in their former teacher’s love life, but if it’ll make them happy, he figures that helping with them won’t hurt. The only issue is that both of them are horrendous at hiding both their Chakra and their presence because they’re so noisy and unskilled. Sasuke, the more talented of the three, decides that to make any progress with getting an idea of Iruka’s routine while remaining unnoticed is staking Iruka out by himself.

So far, he’s been successful. They offered to go with him to track Iruka today, but he feigned a stomach bug and said he had to get home. The other two Genin, dejected, went to their own homes to do God knows what, leaving Sasuke to his own devices. He followed Iruka to the academy to watch him teach, to his lunch break, back to the academy, and finally to his humble apartment. Conveniently enough, Sasuke manages to hide just outside of Iruka’s large window. He concentrates his Chakra to his hands so he can hang on to the window sill without hurting his fingers or falling off. He activates his Sharingan and peers through the window.

Iruka hasn’t done much since he’s been home; graded some papers, cooked dinner. Sasuke has noticed, however, that Iruka set his kitchen table with two spots; directly across from each other, each with a plate, a cloth napkin, silverware, and a wine glass. In the middle of the table is a vase of red roses, and Iruka has an ungodly amount of scented candles lit across the apartment. 

Suddenly, Iruka perks up and rushes to the front door.

“Oh, he’s here!”

Sasuke watches. Much to his surprise, when Iruka opens the door, there’s none other than Kakashi standing on the other side. Sasuke’s lips gently part in shock as he listens to the words that come from Kakashi’s mouth.

“Iruka-Sensei, I missed you today.”

“I missed you too, Kakashi…” Iruka pulls Kakashi into the apartment in a way that’s overly familiar, shuts the door, and wraps his arms around the Jonin’s taller body. Kakashi hugs him back. Sasuke has never seen such affectionate or intimate displays from either man, and to be honest, he’s incredibly uncomfortable now that he has. He shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be seeing this. Damn Naruto and Sakura for dragging him into this stupid nonsense… “It’s good to see you. I’ve had a long day.”

“You’re telling me,” Kakashi breaks loose from Iruka’s hug and walks to the kitchen with the Chunin following him like a lost puppy. “I don’t know how you handled those three for so long on top of a dozen other children.”

“Are you ready for dinner?” Iruka asks as Kakashi sits at the dinner table.

“Yeah, I’m pretty hungry.”

“Great.”

Iruka grabs the pot full of spaghetti that he had been working on, serves them both a plateful, and sets it back on the stove. Then, he sits across from Kakashi. The two eat in comfortable, romantic silence. Sasuke doesn’t miss how they sneak the occasional glance at each other with such sickening affection in their eyes when they think the other isn’t looking.

“So… Are the kids still following you?” Kakashi questions.

Sasukei’s stomach drops. Iruka knew, he knew that much, but Kakashi, too? They’ve both known about their plan the whole time. How embarrassing…

“Yeah, pretty much any time they haven’t been with you today, they were outside of the academy stalking me or following me home. Pretty creepy, to be honest.”

“They’re ridiculous,” Kakashi laughs and shakes his head. Somehow, he has managed to hide his face from Sasuke while eating impeccably with the simple use of one hand. From the angle they’re at, though, Iruka must have seen Kakashi’s face… He must’ve seen it anyway. They’re dating, after all. It’s a weird thought; that Iruka knows so much more about Kakashi than any of the rest of them do. How did this even happen in the first place, though? Why are they hiding it? “I meant to tell you that I heard what they’re up to. It took me a bit to piece it together, but they think you’re single.”

“What does that have to do with this?” Iruka demands.

“You won’t believe me, but… They want to set you up on a date with a woman as some sort of weird birthday gift.”

“Seriously?” Iruka groans, then face-palms. “Bad at teamwork and bad at using their gaydars. Who would’ve guessed?”

“I could have, honestly, it’s not out of character for them to do this shit,” Kakashi sighs. Then, his gaze flickers to the window. “But before we continue this, Iruka, I don’t think we’re alone.”

“Shit…” Sasuke whispers under his breath, knowing that his confusion about the entire situation made him lose focus on controlling his Chakra.

“Sasuke, go home, will you?” Kakashi raises his voice to say while pulling his mask back up. “I’m trying to have a private conversation with my boyfriend.”

Saying nothing, Sasuke listens and scurries away as fast as possible. Who knows what sort of consequences this fiasco will have for them come morning…

~~~

A couple of days pass after Sasuke stalks their shared dinner at Iruka’s apartment. Kakashi doesn’t say anything to his Genin students about the incident or about the situation in general- mostly because it’s awkward, but also because watching them squirm in guilt about going behind Iruka’s back is hilarious. He doesn’t know if Sasuke has told his other squad members about what occurred at Iruka’s apartment, but he does know that the situation is making Iruka increasingly nervous.

So, they schedule a dinner at Ichiraku with Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura to clear the air.

The five sit at Ichiraku on the tiny red stools at the bar. While Kakashi sits on the very outer corner and Iruka sits on the inside, their three students sit between them with Naruto next to Iruka, Sasuke next to Kakashi, and Sakura in the middle. The silence is deafening minus the occasional noodle slurping- at least until Kakashi clears his throat and speaks up.

“So, Sasuke already knows, but we invited you here tonight to tell you something important.”

Naruto perks up at that, lightly elbowing Iruka, who looks back at him with a blush.

“What is it, Iruka-Sensei?”

“Kakashi overheard your plan to set me up on a date, and he told me all about it,” Iruka says with a nervous chuckle and scratches his chin. Kakashi simply watches with hearts in his eyes. He didn’t want their two year long relationship to come out like this, but he’s happy that they’re able to tell their students after hiding it for so long. It’ll be a weight lifted off of both of their shoulders- that and they can finally start inviting the kiddos to dinner after work without worrying about what they’ll say. “I’m happy to inform you that there’s no need to do that, as kind of a gesture as it is. I’m already dating someone and have been for over a year.”

“What? Who is she? Do I know her!?” Naruto excitedly asks question after question, which makes Kakashi struggle to hold back his laughter.

“Is it Anko?” Sakura inquires, and it’s a valid inquiry since Anko and Iruka are close friends and coworkers, but she doesn’t know just how wrong she is.

“No, it’s Kakashi,” Iruka clarifies.

Sasuke doesn’t appear even remotely surprised, as he had found out days earlier, though it’s apparent that he didn’t bother telling Sakura or Naruto. Sakura’s seafoam eyes are blown wide as she damn near chokes on her ramen, and Naruto looks like he’s barely able to keep from screaming the roof off of the establishment with the shock that takes over his expression.

“What?” Naruto shoots straight up and frantically looks between Kakashi and Iruka, who are now smiling at each other. “Why didn’t you tell me!?”

“Well, Naruto, it’s complicated. As much as we love each other, and as much as Iruka wants to be transparent with you all about things,” Kakashi explains and waits for all three of his students to be paying attention before he continues. “I have led a very dangerous life. I’ve fought in wars, been a squad captain of the Anbu, fought Orochimaru… I’ve come close to death a lot of times. Iruka leads a more peaceful life than I, and if everyone else were to know about our relationship, he could be a target for people looking to hurt me. We’ve only hidden it for this long to protect each other.”

“...Oh,” Naruto says quietly.

Thankfully, he seems to understand. Kakashi lets out a sigh of relief. He was half-expecting Naruto to release the ninetails and maul him to death for daring to touch his beloved teacher- now father figure. Naruto doesn’t overreact in an angry or sad manner, though. Sakura and Sasuke are clearly neutral about it as Sakura taps Sasuke’s shoulder and questions-

“Wait, Sasuke, how did you know?”

“I went off to trail Iruka’s nighttime routine on my own the other night and saw them having dinner together. They’ve known about us following them the whole time because you two can’t hide your Chakra,” Sasuke scoffs like he’s better than his two teammates, because why wouldn’t he? Kakashi opens his mouth to clarify that the Uchiha isn’t much better since he was spotted by Kakashi as well the other night, but before he can, Sasuke admits to it. “Kakashi caught me, though.”

“So we should keep this a secret too then, right?” Sakura asks.

“If you wouldn’t mind,” Kakashi nods as he finishes up his food and pays the tab before Iruka can stop him from doing so. “We still don’t want anyone else to know, we only told you three so you’d stop snooping.”

“Damn!” Naruto yells and holds his head in his hands. At first, Kakashi is slightly concerned. The following claim from the blond makes all of them laugh, though, and whatever concern was there quickly fades. “That means I’m going to have to save money to buy Iruka-Sensei an actual birthday gift instead of surprising him with my super awesome plan!”

“Seriously? You idiot!” Sakura raises her voice and crosses her arms as she yells at Naruto with pink cheeks. “I’d help you pay for it, ya know!”

“Me too, actually,” Sasuke quietly agrees, trying to seem like he doesn’t care when he clearly does.

Kakashi laughs once more. Meanwhile, Iruka objects. His chocolate brown eyes flicker between the three Genin.

“No, no,” The brunette insists and shakes his head ‘no’. “That’s not necessary. None of you need to get me a birthday gift. Just a birthday wish on the day will suffice. If you insist on getting me a gift, I don’t want you to waste your hard earned money on it. So make me a card or a cake or something of that nature, okay?”

“Yes, Iruka-Sensei,” The three agree, and with that, they’re all back to enjoying their meal and their drinks.

Just then, Kakashi realizes.

Iruka’s birthday is in a little under two months and he still hasn’t gotten Iruka a gift either…

[boysplanetrecaps]

Build Up Episode 6, Part 2: Team Gruff N’Smooth vs Team Sweeties

Welcome back to the only recap series written by me that is about Build Up -- this one! In the previous post, we said goodbye to a beloved trio. In this post, we’ll cover the next round of the 3x3 De4th Match, in which Team Sweeties takes on Team Gruff’n’Smooth, and we’ll lose one of them. (Those are my names for these teams, but they’re good names.) Let’s face the music. 

Dahee calls the next two teams up on stage. 

Left to right: Inhyuk, Haram, Sunyoul

First up is Team Sweeties, which I’m tempted to rename Team Absorbant in view of their terrycloth blazers. In the previous round, Choi Haram and Hwang Inhyuk performed To My Youth and came in 4th place; new recruit Sunyoul performed End of a Day with Donghun, and lost. 

Left to right: Taewoo, Neon, Sanghyun

Their challengers are team Gruff’N’Smooth. In the previous round, Lim Sanghyun and Taewoo performed Downpour (though it wasn’t really shown) and came in 6th place; new recruit Neon performed Hmm Cheat with Seunghun, and lost. 

Sanghyun looks really different from he did the last time we saw him, I think because he parted his bangs in the middle and brushed them to either side. I think it actually looks pretty good.  Neon is wearing a weird short sleeved cardigan over a long sleeved shirt and I don’t know. I just don’t know. 

The guys backstage are all like, these are both good teams. And they’re right.

Sanghyun’s team introduces themselves by saying, “We’re TAEwoo, NE-on, and SANG-hyun. Tae-ne-ssance!”

They explain what that means but it doesn’t make any sense so that’s fine. 

Haram’s team sings their intro, or tries to. It’s uncomfortable. Let’s skip over that. They call themselves “Three Tofu” because they’re not threatening, they’re soft -- hence the white clothes. Ok, I’ll give them that. 

Backstage, Woong is commenting on everything that’s happening, and teammate Lee Minwook is like, You are doing a solo instagram live over here. 

The judges ask Neon what it was like joining an established team, and he said they got along like really old friends. “Like a dog and a cat, we practiced bickering,” he says, and the editors do this.

Ok, I mean, sure. 

Hmm… does this mean that maybe they didn’t get along well? Was Sanghyun too pushy about song selection? Let’s do a flashback…

They’re somewhere chatting, and they all have iced coffees with no milk, and it looks like they also have a tray with bagged snacks on it, like you’d see at an office. 

Taewoo looks much nicer with his hair kind of normal than how he normally looks on stage with his hair kind of spiked, don’t you think? Also: s w e a t e r. 

Neon, who isn’t looking super happy, says that he’d prefer to do a pop/r&b style song, which is his strength, and that he thinks the team could be successful in. Sanghyun pauses for a longish time and says, “But… I’m really bad at pop.” Taewoo says, “What about Korean R&B?” Sanghyun is like, “I’m not good at that either.” 

I am not a big fan of it when someone is like “there’s only one thing I’m good at, and I’m not going to stretch myself to try new things.” Like, at least try???? 

Neon:  “Isn’t there a song you want to try with us three?”

Sanghyun: “A ballad song.”

Neon: “Didn’t you do ballads for the first two rounds?”

Sanghyun: ….

Neon: “A ballad AGAIN?”

We get a flashback of Sanghyun choosing a duet partner primarily based on who would sing a ballad with him, and we hear Sanghyun whispering, “I can only do ballads. I can’t do R&B.” Well, then, maybe you’re not well-suited to be in a vocal group that will do a variety of styles! 

Taewoo is obviously a little irritated -- maybe he didn’t *really* want to do Downpour for the second round. He says now, “If you close it to a certain genre, there’s not much that our team can do. If you go into it with that kind of mindset, the future seems closed off.”

Sanghyun tries to explain that it’s just because the other two are so good at R&B and he’s not confident, but Taewoo is not letting him off that easily. “Don’t you want to challenge yourself and try something new?” he asks. “I want to win like, 100 to 0. Neon and I are good at R&B. Hey, what’s with that facial expression? Mind how you look.” 

I guess Taewoo is older than Sanghyun!

Neon interviews that he’s worried. Me too, Neon. Me too. 

They try out singing Hopeless Romantic, which you might remember from Queendom Puzzle and which has lived on my playlist for months. I know, I know, I said I don’t like ballads but Lee Suhyun from AKMU has my favorite voice on the planet. But Sanghyun is like, no, not that song, because.... reasons??? I don’t understand why Sanghyun couldn’t at least try Hopeless Romantic since it’s basically a ballad…????? But nope.

Then they try Bambi by Baekhyun, which Sanghyun also rejects.

Finally they try a ballad called Forest by Choi Yuree, which was the only song that Sanghyun would agree to do. Look, the song is very pretty, if you like that kind of thing. But it’s just a bit boring. It’d be nice to have on in the background while you chat with a friend over a glass of wine or coffee. But it’s not going to win a death match, in my opinion. 

It’s a strange song, though, if you read the lyrics.

I want to become that forest over there Will you climb up the small hill And look at me? Even if it's just a small corner of my heart…. I want to become that forest over there Even if my clothеs get soaked in tears Oh, did I mеntion it was the sea? Then can I throw away all my tears?

I don’t know, it gives me….

IYKYK

I don’t think Taewoo or Neon is happy about it, but they agree to do Forest. Taewoo explains, essentially, that they needed to work together so they decided to do a ballad.

I just think they should have been like, “Sorry, dude, but majority rules. We’re doing Hopeless Romantic, and if you don’t want to do it, you can quit the show.” 

It's just such a bummer. Sanghyun has decided to drag them to the ground by keeping Neon and Taewoo from doing what they do best. It’s a bummer, because Neon has one of my favorite voices on the show and I feel like this means we’re going to lose him. At the very least, we’re not going to see him do what he does best.  

They’re rehearsing together, practicing important things, like keeping your eyes completely closed while you perform, that kind of thing.

Sanghyun interviews that he thinks the song is great, though he’s not sure what Taewoo and Neon think. I think you are sure, my guy. I think you are sure and you just sort of don’t want to think about it. He says they’re going to do a different version of the song than the original, and he feels confident to have Taewoo and Neon with him, that they can’t lose. Yes, but dude, you clipped their wings. You clipped their wings and then expected them to fly you to safety. 

As the guys take their positions on stage, the judges talk about how all three of the guys are great singers, but that they’re not sure that the team will be harmonious. VCG says that Sanghyun will do well but he’s not sure about the other two. Interesting.

The performance begins. 

Full version without reactions.

My thoughts:

Oof.

Oooof.

This… wasn’t good.

Taewoo’s voice doesn’t match this song at all. This song requires soft, smooth singing, and his voice is rough and extremely textured. His high notes sound… not great. He also is a little… I don’t know, I guess I’ll call it “pitch optional.” I think he can keep exactly to the pitch if he wants to, but I think he sort of lets the exact pitch wander away a little from what it “should be” in the name of…. IDK, jazz?? I don’t totally understand Taewoo, and I’m kind of sad that this song makes it impossible for me to gain insight into him. He would have been so good at Hopeless Romantic, but this song is a complete mismatch. It’s like putting ketchup on ice cream. Makes two good things into one bad thing. It’s hard to listen to. I was never Taewoo’s number one fan, but I hope he puts out a version of Hopeless Romantic on Youtube or something -- I’d check it out for sure. 

I still love Neon’s voice. It’s so gorgeous. Not nasal at all, it's so clean, but soft and textured and pretty, no matter what he’s singing. I wish I could say more about it, but honestly I feel like listening to him sing is all you need. You get it, right? This is pretty? Ok, cool. We’re cool. Also, you look nice today. Yes, you! 

It’s a little difficult for me to evaluate Sanghyun fairly because I’m so irritated at him. He does gruff-soft-ballad voice well. I guess he sounds good? I don’t know, I’m too irritated. Sorry. 

Oh boy, the harmonies don’t work. It’s like olives, vanilla ice cream, and ketchup. I actively don’t want to listen to this performance again. Did they record themselves singing and listen to it back? I’m kind of shocked at how unsuccessful this is. 

In the MNET version, we see Solar and Baekho reacting delightedly at Neon’s beautiful voice right at the beginning. There are some appreciative nods at Taewoo. It’s hard to know what some of the other looks mean. The judges are giving it a shot; Wendy has her eyes closed and is swaying. 

But when the guys get to the harmonies, the judges look more concerned.

“I am a busy lady. I have a solo comeback to prepare for. I have still-healing fractures all up and down my right side. My agency is imploding and my sunbaes are all leaving. I have shit to do and the planet is on fire and my left shoulder is cold and my extensions itch and I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS???” -- Wendy, probably. 

“I wish I were hosting Make Handsome: Change! My Man right now.” - Solar, probably

Listening to it for a third time, I get more what they’re going for. Taewoo and Neon going deliberately off the beat and sort of ad-libbing around each other is supposed to give it an R&B feeling. But you can’t add an R&B feeling to this song just by ad libbing a lot. It’s like putting nutritional yeast on celery and calling it popcorn. Are you sick of my food metaphors? It's kind of my only way of explaining what is going on here.

Toward the end, Eunkwang pulls the face that I had to use as the image at the top of the post. 

When they’re done, Jaehwan just… can’t. 

VCG applauds a little, and the others join in, but it’s not enthusiastic.

I think the guys know it didn’t go exactly great, either. 

The judges mutter to each other -- “this was an unfortunate accident” -- “something’s wrong here, right?” -- “this is discord” -- “they had a fight.”

Eunkwang says exactly what I was thinking: “The vocal styles that you three are aiming for are definitely different….. It felt like the three of you were walking separately. To be honest, it felt like the other two joined Sanghyun’s ballad. That’s why you don’t feel like a team -- you feel like three great solo artists collaborating on a stage.”

Backstage, we see Bain’s team discussing how important it is that you do well as a team. Did they just go back there to the green room after their loss? I mean, where else would they go…? I guess I just sort of thought they’d leave. Maybe all the win/loss announcements happened at the very end, after all the performances.

VCG says that the song is “saying that ‘I’ll become the forest over there’ and let our imaginations take over the remaining space. But these guys, they made a forest and told us to come in. There’s too much style involved. All you have to do is just throw it. I’m hearing ‘I’m going to be good’ too much. Actually, listening to the end was difficult for me. I hope that through this performance, you learn that it isn’t always best to show all your emotions.”

Ok, I typed all that up rather than summarize it because I am flummoxed as to its meaning. Let me try to interpret it…?? I think maybe he means, “The original meaning of this song is a bit open-ended; it’s up to the listener to decide what it means when the speaker says she wants to become the forest. But in this performance, the emotions came through too much, and there was so much stylistic intrusion that all the nuance was lost and we were shoved into the sad forest. You could have just sung it simply, just let the song shine through. You weren’t really performing the song -- you were just showing off how sad you could sound when you sang.” Maybe…? I don’t know, team. If you have a better idea of what he meant, let me know. 

Anyway, that didn’t go so well for Team Gruff N Smooth, did it? 

Let’s check in with Team Sweeties.

They come out on stage -- backstage, Inhyuk’s biggest fan Park Jihoo is like “Inhyuk, kaja!!!” -- and they say kind things about the first team, which, I mean, they are Team Sweeties. Eunkwang and Wendy notice that Inhyuk and Sunyoul’s speaking voices sound a little hoarse, and the judges ask about it. Haram reassures the judging panel -- a little too strongly -- that they’re fine. 

Eunkwang, consulting the notes, tells us why they’re so hoarse: they had to rehearse a lot at the last minute because they changed songs only a few days before the performance!

We head into a flashback. 

The guys are hanging out in their winter coats inside, as you do, and they already look like a boy group, don’t they? They want to avoid doing a ballad, and decide to do Piano Man by Mamamoo. It’s jazzy, it’s fun, and it’s appropriate for a group with Haram in it. Seems like a great choice! 

We see some of their rehearsals…

Choreography!

I don't know, I think it sounds great.

But apparently, the “staff” (who we never see or hear from) say that there’s something wrong with the rhythm…? It’s unclear. The song is too difficult, I guess.

So, they have to have a cozy s w e a t e r and iced coffee meeting. Please, guys, invite me to the next one! And also stop drinking cold drinks; it's bad for your throat! Warm drinks only!!

They decide that they have only two choices: try to fix Piano Man, or choose a new song. They have a slightly tense discussion, but it still never feels as tense as things got with the other team. Inhyuk seems to want to change songs, Sunyoul really wants to stay with the same one, and Haram seems to see value in both sides. 

Sunyoul needs to go think in the bathroom, and when he comes back, he says that they can change songs and just work like crazy to figure it out. As if to emphasize what a headache this all is, then the poor guy bumps his noggin on the wall.

I think it’s a good sign, right?

Sunyoul says he agreed to change songs because he trusted his teammates’ perspective. Throughout the discussion, you really do get a feeling like they trust and like each other and are working as a team. 

They decide on a ballad after all, specifically Drawing Our Moments by Taeyeon from January of 2020. It’s a sweet, light love song, so even if it’s a “ballad," at least it's not a bittersweet reckoning of the inevitability of misery, you know? And that's a nice change from the other ballads we’ve heard so far on this show. It also has some power and vim and vigor and a few interesting chord progressions. 

Sample lyrics:

Like everything’s been emptied, In my white heart I tried drawing you What I was met with was more brilliant than the morning The path placed in front of us, even when it looks dark The color that’s like you, when it spreads to me The light I saw in my dream that contained heaven I try drawing you

I’m not adding it to my playlist at the moment but it’s okay by me.  Still, I'm worried...

They’re running their voices raw. It doesn’t seem like a good idea to practice so much.

It's performance day. As the guys prepare to sing, Wendy -- Taeyeon’s labelmate -- says the song is difficult because the first verse and the second verse have totally different vibes. I listened to the original song again after hearing her say that and I don’t totally get what she means, but I guess she knows what she’s talking about. 

The performance begins.

LTR: Inhuyk, Haram, Sunyoul

Full version without reactions.

My thoughts: 

Overall, pretty good, but it could have been better. I could imagine this being a really lovely performance, in fact, if they hadn’t been dumb-dumb-heads who sang their throats hoarse, and then drank a bunch of cold drinks like dumb-dumb-heads. Sigh.  

The arrangement is excellent, I mean truly excellent, with some cool harmonies that weren’t there in the original.  I like all three of their voices (well, I have issues with Inhyuk’s, sometimes, but I could see it working here) and they mostly did a good job. But especially in the beginning, when they were trying to sing softly, you could hear the hoarseness. Sunyoul’s voice can’t quite sustain a few of the longer notes. Haram can’t quite hit some of the low notes at all, and his falsetto sounds unsure and unsupported. Also, toward the end, at about 3:47 in the Youtube version, Inhyuk’s voice falters just that tiny bit. I'm not sure if the judges will pick up on it.

Also, given that this is a song about being happily in love, it’d be nice if they smiled more.

On the positive end, from about 1:33 on, it starts to get much better. Sunyoul uses his chest voice to sing those high notes that Haram needed falsetto to hit, and then they head into that second verse with more power, adding in the harmonies. Really, from there on the song mostly sounds pretty great. 

I especially loved their harmonies in that weird bridge. Good stuff. They sound like a team.

Actually, after hearing this a few times, I’m liking it more and more. I like their version much better than the original -- their harmonies add a lot to the song. I also love the end. Just a really good arrangement. I bet Haram had a lot to do with it.

If this were a real vocal trio and they sang songs I liked, I’d listen to them for sure. As long as they rest their voices, of course!

In the MNET edit, it looks like the judges like their singing at the beginning, even in the parts that I thought sounded a little shaky, so that’s good. We do get a concerned Eunkwang face at Haram’s shaky falsetto, but that’s fair, and then Eunkwang looks very happy with Sunyoul’s high notes. Overall the judges look happy throughout. I mean, I think. It’s hard to tell sometimes. 

Wendy is smiling a little strangely but I think it’s because she recently got lip fillers and they haven’t settled in yet. I hope I don’t sound snarky when I say that. I get it, it’s part of her job to keep up with aesthetic standards, and I'm not mocking her. I just think it throws off her smile a tiny bit for now. Hope they settle down soon.

When the guys are done singing, the judges applaud. Wendy turns to Eunkwang and says, “They must have practiced a lot.” I’m not sure if she means that as a compliment (they did well!) or a criticism (they have hoarse voices!). Eunkwang says something about their “murky” voices, so I guess I know where he landed. 

The guys in the green room think it was beautiful, and I do too.

The judges say…

Eunkwang says he finally gets what Sunyoul can do, like, he *gets* Sunyoul. He admits that yes, Sunyoul’s vocal condition led to some unstable parts but somehow it all worked.

Wendy praises Inhyuk’s emotional intensity. 

Jaehwan says exactly what I thought: that the beginning was unstable overall, but it got better as it went along and the end was the best part.

Eunkwang says that Haram’s rhythm was a little off kilter. It kind of makes sense, since Haram is a concert pianist who is used to performing by himself and setting his own rhythm.

It's time to declare a winner.

The judges say they aren’t sure which team to vote for -- the team with better individual singers (the first team, apparently) or the team with better teamwork (the second team)?

Backstage, it does seem that more of the guys think that Sunyouls’ team will win… and they’re right.

Only one judge votes for Neon’s team and the rest vote for Sunyoul’s. Want to guess who the one dissenting vote is?

Come on, guess.

Blue is Sunyoul’s team. Naturally, it’s Jaehwan going against the crowd.

I love the look on Sunyoul’s face here. I’m glad that we get to keep Team Sweeties; they’re sweeties and they did a good job, even if their voices were slightly hoarse. Sunyoul promises to keep trying their best, and Haram sweetly tells the other team that they also did a good job and that he loves them. 

I feel awful for the other team.

But Neon says they worked hard and have no regrets. “Thanks for the great experience,” he says, and Sanghun agrees. 

The judges lament that we lost such great singers.

And that brings us to the end of this round!  

I am really sorry to see Neon go.

But… you guys, I found a really mysterious song: Make a Wish by Neon. It’s definitely him. It has 78 views at the moment, and it’s on a page that doesn’t have any content. I know, that doesn’t make sense. How can it have no content and also have a video? I DON’T KNOW. Anyway, the song is really cool and I like it a lot. It’s kind of trip hoppy feeling, like ambient but with a bit of R&B feeling to it. So check it out if that sounds like something you’d like.

I found it by finding this: Neon’s page on a wiki somewhere. It’s in Korean but if you use Chrome it’ll translate it for you. 

Ok anyway! That is the end of this post. Thanks for sticking with me. I’m off and don’t have to travel this week so hopefully I’ll catch up a bit. I mean, it’d be nice to be fully done with episode 6 before Episode 8 comes out, at least.

Alright, I’ll see you in the next one! 

[fickleminder]

careful what you wish for

You and Satan find out that sometimes magic wishes have unexpected consequences.

Based on Satan’s Wish-Granting Charm Devilgram. I haven’t replayed a Devilgram so many times in ages; can you tell I’m a sucker for MC whump? 🙃

“I wish upon the moon of my heart...”

The cheesy-sounding spell makes you cringe internally (not to mention a certain pose comes to mind), but there’s no doubting its power when a black cat appears in the library, meowing loudly for attention.

Satan looks equally surprised. “I was just thinking about a cat, but I wasn’t really trying to summon one...” he says in wonder, reaching down to scoop the little kitten into his arms. It squirms slightly in his hold but eventually settles down without fuss. “If Lucifer sees this cat, we’re in trouble. Let’s take it to my room for now.”

Despite unexpected visits from several brothers, you and Satan manage to convince them to keep the feline a secret. You even make a quick trip to the kitchen for some milk, and the two of you watch as ‘Munchkin’ drinks its fill.

“If this little guy was summoned by my wish, then does that mean that the magic spell actually worked?!”

“There’s only one way to know for sure.” You shrug. Who would have thought that a spell from a storybook could work in real life?

“You’re right. Let’s try it again.” Satan’s eyes gleam with excitement. “Let’s see if it will grant one of your wishes. What do you want to wish for?”

“I want a holiday,” you say without hesitation. Satan laughs at the deadpan expression on your face. “What? We’ve had a lot of exams to study for lately. I want to take a break.”

“Okay, now say the magic spell.”

Crap, I forgot about that. But with Satan looking at you expectantly, there’s no way around it. You do your best to keep a straight face as you mutter the spell, but seconds pass and nothing happens.

“Well, I suppose with this kind of wish, we won’t know if it worked or not right now.” If Satan is disappointed, he doesn’t show it. “Let’s wait and see.”

.

.

.

It’s not your first time spending the night in Satan’s room, but you wake up the next day feeling groggy and lethargic.

Falling sick isn’t unreasonable; your immune system’s probably shot to hell and back after exam season, but you’ve never come down with an illness so suddenly before. Something’s not right...

“What? You want me to scratch behind your ears?”

You pry your eyes open to an endearing sight: Satan in his RAD uniform crouched on the floor, almost mimicking Munchkin’s pose as he speaks eye-to-eye with the cat.

“All right, all right. Come here. I don’t give special treatment like this to just anyone, you know? Just you.”

Not even me? You want to ask. Your throat doesn’t feel like cooperating though.

“Haha! You’re a cute little thing, aren’t you?” The rustling of his sheets finally catches his attention, and Satan quickly bolts upright, his cheeks a lovely shade of crimson. “...?! G-Good morning! Did you see that? It’s not what it looks like! I was just making sure it wasn’t injured anywhere.”

The shit-eating grin on your face speaks volumes.

“What?!” The demon’s indignant scowl fades into a worried frown as he notices your pale complexion. “You should probably take the day off. We finished the last of our tests yesterday. Why don’t you go to your room and rest?”

“Day off sounds good...” you manage to croak out, wincing at the hoarseness of your voice. Guess I’m getting that holiday after all...

Satan lets you pet Munchkin one more time before helping you to your bed. You sigh happily as he tucks you in and presses a kiss to your forehead, and you’re out like a light before he even leaves the room.

.

.

.

You wake up from your nap feeling much better, albeit not quite at 100% yet. A quick check of your D.D.D. tells you that there’s still about an hour before RAD’s classes end, so you have at least half a day to chill.

After making yourself some lunch, you prepare a saucer of milk and bring it to Satan’s room, knowing that Munchkin must be hungry as well. The kitten greets you enthusiastically and you spend some time relaxing with it, running your fingers through its soft fur as it laps at its meal—

A loud growl is all the warning you get before something big and heavy crashes through the door. Gone is the peace and quiet as one of Cerberus’ heads pokes into the room, snarling in your direction. 

“Cerberus? Easy boy, it’s just me...” You raise your hands slowly, trying to calm the angry beast down. You may not have Lucifer’s level of control over it, but the three-headed dog has never bared its fangs at you with such hostility before. “What’s wrong?”

Munchkin leaps between you and Cerberus with a vicious hiss, its hackles raised and claws unsheathed. It looks so tiny in comparison, and you scramble to your feet with fear as the rest of Cerberus enters the room.

A wave of nausea slams into you, causing your knees to buckle. What’s happening, you wonder hazily, struggling to string coherent thoughts together as your body starts to heat up dangerously. Did I stand too fast? No, this vertigo isn’t natural...

“Stop... fighting...” you slur, feeling every last drop of energy leave your body. Something is sapping your strength, forcing you to rest—

Just as your mind latches onto a theory, the world turns sideways and everything goes dark.

.

.

.

You blink in and out of consciousness, finding yourself cradled in Satan’s arms on the floor of his room. But he’s not alone: Beel and Asmo are flanking you worriedly, while a furious Lucifer stands next to his loyal hound.

From what you can make of the ensuing argument, it turns out that Munchkin is actually a demon in the form of a cat, and the first and fourth borns are back at each other’s throats about keeping pets in the house.

Your heart almost jumps out of your chest when Lucifer uses magic to forcibly get rid of Munchkin, but Satan counters by sealing the cat-demon inside a protective cage that deflects the spell.

“We need to get out of here. Beel, carry the cage!” Satan doesn’t bother helping you up and simply scoops you off the ground. You instinctively loop your arms around his neck as he hoists you into a bridal carry, and the four of you hightail it out of there with Cerberus hot on your collective heels.

.

.

.

“I think we lost them,” Beel says.

“I need to catch my breath…” Asmo whines, doubled over and panting heavily.

Satan sets you down on a nest of cushions, no doubt one of Belphie’s given that you’re seeking shelter in the planetarium.

“Are you alright? You passed out on the floor.” He presses a hand against your forehead. It feels blessedly cool to the touch; you close your eyes and lean against him. “Your fever’s gone up. I should’ve stayed with you today instead of leaving you by yourself.”

“S’not a fever…” you mumble, still feeling somewhat dizzy. It’s the spell, you try to rationalize while you’re still lucid. It makes me weak when I’m stressed…

You take some time to gather your strength as the others discuss amongst themselves. They correctly deduce that Munchkin had gotten into a fight with Cerberus in an attempt to protect you, but before you can share your side of the story, Lucifer appears at the doorway.

“That demon is controlling you, Satan.” He growls, marching into the room. There’s no sign of Cerberus, but no doubt he’s waiting outside and blocking off the only exit.

Tensions rise again, as does the pounding in your skull. Satan raises his voice as he defends Munchkin’s actions, and you’re too out of it to try and calm him down.

“You agree with me too, don’t you?” Satan finally turns to you, but by then it’s too late.

Your eyes roll back and you crumple to the ground again, barely registering a frantic Asmo patting your flushed cheeks before the darkness drags you under.

.

.

.

“Please, open your eyes for me…”

Your vision swims at first, but it gradually refocuses to the sight of Satan hunched over you. You’re back in your bed and tucked snugly under the covers. No one else is around.

“Are you awake? You still have a fever. Don’t try to get up.” Satan fusses, adjusting the damp cloth on your forehead and pulling the blankets up even further. “Are you hungry? How about something to drink? Let me know if there’s anything you need. I’ll go get it for you.”

“Just need you…” you murmur, reaching weakly for him. The demon immediately laces his fingers with yours. “Where’s Munchkin and Lucifer?”

Satan’s expression darkens slightly at the mention of his brother, but it’s quickly smoothed over. “Munchkin is safe. I worked something out with Lucifer, he won’t bother us anymore.”

Good, that means you should make a steady recovery. Then again, with all the chaos in this household, you might as well be terminal.

Satan listens intently as you explain your theory behind your sudden illness, and you can practically see the metaphorical light bulb go off over his head when all the pieces fall into place.

“In that case, I want to use our final wish right now,” he declares, squeezing your hand firmly. “I wish for you to get better soon.”

“Thank you.” You smile at him sweetly, delighting in the rosy hue of his cheeks. “I’ll get better just for you.”

The last of Satan’s restraint finally snaps, and he leans forward to hug you, careful not to crush you under his weight as he buries his face in the crook of your neck. “I was almost sure that I lost you for good, until you finally opened your eyes,” he admits quietly. “I was worried sick. I needed to make sure you were still with me…”

“I’ll always be here with you,” you promise, pressing a light kiss to his hair. With your heart overflowing with affection for your beloved demon, you can’t find it in yourself to cringe at the next part. “Now come on, time to say the magic words.”

[realreulbbrband]

For the flower ship asks thing, (you dont have to all of them I just wanted to give you a choose lmao)

Dahlia & Rose : MistoJerrie

Water lily & Sunflower : TantoDemeter

Daisy & Bluebell : AlonzoTeazer

Ooo variety thank you

Mistojerrie

Rose ; Who's more romantic?

Generally? It’s sort of 50/50 since they have different love languages.

Mungo loves finding (and stealing) gifts to impress Mistoffelees with and taking him to places around town he hasn’t been to before. 

Whereas Mistoffelees is a little more casual, sure he’ll do some tricks for mungo whenever he asks but sometimes (mostly on occasions like anniversaries) misto will try to surprise him. Most of the time Misto is more of a words of affirmations type though.

If you’re asking who’s more flirtatious then 100% mungo cheesy pick up lines but some generally sweet ones too. 

more below

Dahlia ; Do they keep secrets from each other?

Hmmm

I can see Misto unintentionally keeping secrets from mungo, Misto likes to keep his personal things to himself generally so near the start of their relationship he isn’t exactly used to opening up to someone that isn’t victoria. Over time however he does learn to trust and speak to Mungojerrie more.

However In a very specific scenario Misto seems like he’d keep mungo out of the loop on certain situations until they’re over and done with. He just doesn’t want to trouble him.

When it comes to Macavity- yea mungo keeps a lot of secrets, like Misto it’s more instinctive (at least at first) he doesn’t really talk about Macavity with anyone who wasn’t there with him and prefers to leave his past in the past. 

However if Misto tries to bring up the topic Mungo tends to shut down the conversation or just down play whatever had occurred if he went to see Mac recently. (if he even admits he did). 

It’s complicated, keeping secrets from each other is a habit they both grow out of the longer they’re together but it’s never truly done with malicious intent.

Tantometer

Water Lily ; Which one cares about their appearance more? Ooooo tough one

Tantomile (before they got together at least) really wanted to impress Demeter, and make a strong impression. But that’s a tad bit difficult when you have an identical twin. 

So Tant may or may not have asked Bombalurina for advice…which she was more then happy to give ofc. (Which is why tant has red lipstick) 

Dem ofc doesn't care about appearances of others that much, but Tantomile did develop a bit of a liking to pampering which eventually did get to dem. 

It became less about them wanting to have great appearances all the time and more about some morning self care (I don’t know if cats actually have makeup but like 2019 has a bunch of cats drinking milk even though they’re lactose intolerant so logic doesn’t matter) anyways they have some morning routine pampering together along with self care dates. So equal amount. 

Sunflower ; Which one would go to jail for the other?

I want to say Tantomile but Demeter will literally commit a felony and go against anyone for someone she loves (cough cough jumping fake deut). So purely because girl is the right amount of unhinged Demeter. 

Alonzoteazer

Daisy ; Which one sings while doing chores? Are they good at it?

Oooooo

Alonzo does, and fairly well but only when he thinks he’s alone and then when Rump catches him and ofc teases him about it he acts like he doesn’t know what she’s talking about until she eventually moves on.

Rump sings loud and proud, cats from outside the den could probably hear. It’s mostly nonsense she made up on the spot or related to whatever chore she’s doing. Alonzo appears neutral but he genuinely enjoys it, sometimes he’ll even hum teazers silly songs while on patrol.

Teazer tried singing a lullaby to him once it was bad but hey it cheered him up

Bluebell ; Who's more emotional?

Hmmmmmm

They’re both fairly emotional, Alonzo tries to toughen up sometimes but that crumbles quite quickly. 

As for Rump 90% of the time she’s an open book. 

I don’t have much more to say….just Alonzo finds himself opening up to Teazer quite easily since she’s good company.

[aroaceleovaldez]

i’m not in this fandom like that so I didn’t know rick previously said he wasn’t going to write anymore. but is it you feel like he’s milking it? maybe it’s bc i’m more in anime/manga fandoms, but for example it’s common for mangaka to write light novels to accompany their story to add details to characters backgrounds or answer questions that aren’t in the manga, but I would never the concept of it bad writing or disrespectful….isn’t it just expanding the story? maybe I’m just not getting your point. i agree the audience shouldn’t be spoon fed, but nico still having nightmares & hearing voices & planning on going to tartarus seems too big of a plot point to be ignored. & chalice of the gods - that I agree with the spoon feeding, but it’s just simple fanservice, maybe rick missed writing those characters or maybe it’s money idk but I feel like a lot of the fandom looks forward to reading more about Percy, i dont think majority feel disrespected by it. (please also i’m not trying to berate you for not liking tsats and chalice im just curious!)

My problem isn’t that it feels like Rick is milking the series - though he absolutely is. He explicitly stated on his blog that Disney asked him to publish Chalice of the Gods as Percy promotion for the Disney+ show adaptation - but the fact that the way it’s being gone about feels cheap.

I get what you mean by comparing manga, but manga is ultimately a different media form. Manga and comics in general tend to lean more expositional by nature because that’s what’s required of the medium. This also means there’s a lot more room for those kinds of extra content series because the medium inherently provides space for them. That can also be a thing in novels as well - I was in Warrior Cats fandom. Warriors has tons of extra content books and novellas (and manga!). I read Animorphs, which also has lots of extra content books (and 52 books in the main series). I am very familiar with series that have a lot of books and bonus content and etc. But the thing with those extra content books is a.) it’s really easy for them to be bad in the exact same way i was mentioning, where details feel forcibly spoon-fed to you, and b.) they need to provide something new, otherwise they just feel like cheap additions that you’re better off skipping over, and if you do skip them you don’t loose anything. And this is 100% true for manga too! It’s a really common problem!

The point is these books don’t expand the story. We aren’t learning anything new that we wouldn’t be able to extrapolate anyways, and it is okay that we don’t know everything happening in the series. We don’t need to know the Exact Specifics of how Nico and Will got together, or how Percy did his college applications. And this has been true in the series before! We don’t know what happened on Clarisse’s quest in TTC. We don’t know what happened to Reyna and Hylla between Circe’s Island and Camp Jupiter, or even how they got to Circe’s Island in the first place. We still don’t know what happened in Albania. And all of that is fine. Nothing is lost as a result of us not knowing those answers. Heck, actually a great example - in TLO, Nico tells Percy he’s been exploring California looking for leads on his family. We’re told he has a new lead, and then he never brings it up again. We as the audience can presume this was relating to Hazel, but the important part is: We are never told what exactly Nico was doing. We know he was doing some very important personal stuff in California, and that’s it. Even if we presume it was relating to Hazel, there’s still huge gaps in that we don’t know about, like how Nico brought Hazel to Camp Jupiter, how Nico found out about Camp Jupiter in the first place, or how he discovered the Doors of Death were open at all. We know none of that. And that’s a good thing! Because we don’t need to! It’s completely irrelevant and adds nothing more to the story! We know everything we need to know about that and that’s it.

That’s how the end of TOA should have been. Yes, we get a cliffhanger that Nico has some personal destiny stuff, but we’re also explicitly not told the prophecy. That should have been the end of it, and it was SUPPOSED to be the end of it! We’re not gaining anything new by having Nico go to Tartarus again - we’ve seen a popular ship go to Tartarus already (Percy and Annabeth). We know what’s down there. We know what Nico experienced down there. We already know everything we need to know. There’s no point to this. Especially since there’s so many elements of the already established canon that emphasize that the alleged goal of their quest is pointless to begin with. We know what’s going to happen already. We can extrapolate. We don’t need a whole book or 3-book series to explain it to us - that’s the part that’s disrespectful to the audience. It’s saying that You Need To Be Told Exactly What Happens Because We Do Not Trust You To Be Able To Figure It Out On Your Own.

 You brought up a great word, actually - It feels like fan-service. And that’s a bad thing. Fan-service is not a good thing - it is almost always bad writing with no heart in it, just spoon-feeding the audience, and it’s disrespectful to the readers. TSATS just feels like solangelo fan-service by trying to make it Percabeth 2 and dancing Will and Nico around in front of the audience a bit more. We aren’t gaining anything new, and there’s no reason to bother with TSATS when you can get the exact same thing or more from fanworks. At best, TSATS could have maybe worked as a short story like Sword of Hades, or we could have gotten a Will short story like how The Stolen Chariot gave us more depth on Clarisse. But as it stands currently, it’s just cheap. It just feels like excuses for Rick to explicitly canonize random things because he doesn’t trust us to figure it out as being coded (this teeters dangerously on the JK Rowling approach), or shoehorn in myths he hasn’t used yet, which he was already doing in TOA and that turned out racist at worst and a mess at best.

There are absolutely extra content novellas I would love to see. Everybody’s been asking for a roman series for ages. A Reyna-POV 3 book Roman series would work perfectly and actually provide something for the collective series, because it’d actually give us some reasons to care about the Roman camp and maybe Jason’s backstory and further flesh him out as a character. I mentioned Clarisse’s quest from TTC earlier - do we lose anything by not knowing what happened on her quest? No. But she’s a major side character who’s been around since book one that we know very little about, and if we need more first-series content to promote the show adaptation, that feels like a great avenue, because we can use it to explore things that we don’t know much about! Like rogue demigods and the Titan Army (with Chris), the Ares cabin (quest members), or Clarisse herself and her backstory and fleshing her out more as a character and her relationships with other beloved first-series characters like Silena and Beckendorf. We can’t get that with Will because he only joined camp right before the Battle for Manhattan (and anything saying otherwise would be an outright retcon, which is even more annoying) and nearly his entire cabin immediately died. Everything we saw in TOA is basically all we’d be able to get from Will. And we already got it - we know where he’s from, when he came to camp, who his mom is, and his relationship with both his parents and his siblings and other campers. We saw who he as a character is in TOA. Yeah, it wasn’t much, but he’s only been around since TLO and barely existed in HoO - he’s a minor character, that’s expected. But all we’re gonna get is more of the same.

Tl;dr: My problem isn’t that it feels like beating a dead horse, my problem with TSATS and Chalice of the Gods is that they feel like cheap and pointless plot lines that are inherently insulting to the audience by refusing to allow any interpretation of the intentional free space left by the narrative and at best is a blatant shoehorning-in of more myths and canonizing random things that don’t add any actual merit to the story, they’re just there to be included.

[shinonometrash]

The Kitten

Court of Darkness Fan Fiction - Short Story

Rating: General

Main Characters: MC, Lance Ira

You’re out on a field trip when you find a baby kitten! Wait-, why is Lance carrying around a blanket in this hot weather? Where did that kitten formula come from??

(This is the expanded version of an excerpt from Chapter 4 of my Jasper Lane - Reimagined fic! It got too long for the chapter when I was originally writing it, so I had to shorten it. (Also, I couldn’t have MC just ditch Jasper for Lance four chapters in...) But I didn’t want to deprive the internet of any fluff Lance content, so I decided to expand it a bit and make it its own fic!)

You can check out other content that I’ve written/made by clicking here!

We head to the lake where Roy will be conducting his lesson on the relationship between Magical Theory and nature.

Before the official lesson begins, we’re given a thirty minute break to wander around and eat the dinners provided to us.

???: -eowwww!!!

As I'm eating, I notice a strange noise coming from a bush.

(Hm? What's that sound?)

???: -eowwww!!! Meeowww!!

I go to investigate the sound and stumble upon a very tiny kitten sitting next to a bush, crying loudly.

Kitten: Meowwwwwww!! Meowwwww!

MC: Oh no, are you lost? Where's your mommy at?

The kitten is clearly very distressed as its cries get even louder.

Kitten: Meowww!! Meowwwww! Meowwwwwww!

(What should I do??)

I glance around, but see no signs of a mother cat nor any other kittens.

I'm debating on whether I should call Toa or Roy over when somebody appears behind me.

???: Move. Let me see.

MC: Wha-

I half move and half get shoved out of the way. When I look to see who it is--

MC: Wait, Lance??

(Isn’t this the guy who told Toa to shut it earlier? What is he doing over here?)

Lance: A kitten, is it?

Locating the kitten, he gets down on his knees next to the bush.

MC: Wait, just stay here, don't touch it. I'm going to go get Toa.

Lance: No need.

Wasting no time, he pulls a magnifying glass out of his bag.

(Huh? What's he gonna do…?)

He scoops up the kitten and uses the magnifying glass to examine it.

The kitten’s cries get louder and it starts squirming.

MC: Hey, be careful-!

Lance: I know, I know, just let me look you over first…

(Whoa…)

At first I was worried he might be accidentally hurting the kitten, but now I realize he's actually being extremely gentle as he talks to the kitten in a soft voice.

Lance: Good. Doesn’t seem to be any open wounds or visible injuries. Definitely on the underweight side, though. Looks like he hasn’t eaten for a bit.

Kitten: Meowwww!!

Lance: Yeah, you’re hungry, aren’t you buddy?

Kitten: Meow!

MC: Oh, I was in the middle of eating when I came over here, so I think I've still got some chicken left…?

Lance: Ah, no, it's too young for that...this little one should still be nursing from its mom.

MC: Then should we just leave it and wait for its mom to come back?

Lance: If the kitten has gone this long without being fed, I don't think she is coming back.

MC: What do you think happened??

Lance: A lot of things could've happened…maybe something happened to the mother, or the little guy wandered too far from home...he seems like a runt, so the mom might've even abandoned him…

MC: Oh my gosh that's so sad! Why would a mother abandon her own baby??

Lance: It happens sometimes. More importantly, we need to get some food in him soon. At this age they're supposed to be getting fed every three to four hours.

MC: We can get a saucer of milk for it when we get back to the academy then?

Lance looks at me with an expression that could only be described as some sort of horrified scowl.

Lance: What? No. Are you trying to kill the thing?

MC: Huh? But you said it needs milk…

Lance: Yeah. From a cat.

Lance: Unless this looks like a baby cow to you?

He holds the tiny fluff ball in front of my face for emphasis.

Kitten: Meow?

MC: I've always given Robin milk since he was a kitten, though...

Lance: Cow’s milk isn't very good for any cats, it can hurt their stomachs.

Lance: Plus, it doesn't have the right nutrition for kittens to be a suitable replacement.

(He sure seems to know a lot about this.)

MC: Then what are we supposed to do?

Lance: Give me a moment…

Carefully holding the kitten against his chest with one hand, Lance opens his bag again and pulls out a blanket to put on the ground.

(Why does he have a blanket in his bag? Isn't it kinda hot out right now…?)

Lance: Watch to make sure he doesn't try to wander off anywhere. He's pretty weak right now, so he shouldn't, but...

He sets the kitten down on the blanket and then starts rummaging through his bag.

After a moment, he pulls out a jar with some sort of white powder, along with a tiny bottle.

MC: What’s that?

Lance: Kitten milk replacement.

MC: ???

(Why does he just have kitten formula in his bag…???)

He adds a small scoop of the powder into the tiny bottle and then looks up at me.

Lance: Is that water?

MC: Yeah, but, I've only got like two sips left...

Lance: Give it to me.

(That’s all the water I brought to drink, though!)

MC: Did you not bring any of your own water?

Lance: I did, but…

MC: But what?

Lance: I gave the rest of it to a stray dog earlier.

MC: C-Can’t you just use some of the lake water from over there?

Lance: You want me to give this baby kitten lake water?

MC: I mean…that’s what it’d be drinking from normally…so it should be safe, right?

Lance: Alright, great idea.

MC: Okay cool then I’ll go and-

He pours what’s left of my water into the tiny bottle and hands me back my (now empty) water bottle.

Lance: You can refill your bottle with lake water.

MC: …

(Well I guess we don't have that much longer anyway…)

Lance: Alright, latch on to the bottle now, won't you?

Lance: I know…it's different from what you're used to, but you can do it…

Lance: There you go, that's it. Good.

After a bit of struggling, the baby kitten starts drinking from the bottle.

He watches the kitten with an incredibly soft expression, a big smile across his face.

(BRB, swooning.)

Once the baby kitten has had its fill of milk, Lance puts the bottle back in his bag before immediately returning his attention to the baby kitten.

Lance: Haha, that's better, now isn't it?

He gently strokes along the kitten’s tiny back with two fingers.

(Oh my god, this is way too precious. Help.)

MC: So, umm…

Fighting the strong urge to squeal, I try to start a conversation.

MC: D-Do you just carry around stuff like that all the time…?

Lance: It’s baby animal season right now and it's not uncommon to find hurt animals around this area…

Lance pulls a small foldable carrier out of his bag and stuffs it with towels.

I peek into his bag and see a multitude of different first aid items and animal foods.

(Oh my god, he really doesn't have any school supplies in that bag at all!)

Lance: Well, I’ll be taking this little one into my care now.

He bundles up the kitten into the carrier and starts walking off.

MC: Wait! What about the lesson?!

Lance: Not important, don't care.

Kitten: Meow!

MC: Shouldn’t you at least let Roy or Toa know??

MC: ???

(Is the only reason he came here is in case there was a hurt animal??)

I watch as he walks away, feeling equal parts charmed and confused.

The whole “bad boy with a gentle side” was never really my thing, but I think I might be reconsidering that now.

(Although, truthfully, I have the sneaking suspicion that the “bad boy” part of him is in appearance only…)

The end.

You can check out other content that I’ve written/made by clicking here!

[topazias]

Could you please write about first years x really tall reader who is above 6 feet? I'm talking 6'4 - 6'8 🙏🙏🙏 love your writings sm <3

he needs some milk

syn. in which you humble the NRC first years with sheer power (height).

gn!yuu

ACE TRAPPOLA

he’d probably invite you to the basketball club. sorry but i’m right, i’m the writer here. he would.

if you did join, good for you! you can enjoy your time together. kinda.

if you didn’t, though, i’m sorry for you- because this man will literally ask you everyday. 

outside of that though, he’s—

actually, he’s still not that good.

Ace would say he’s a fair person. He doesn’t do anything wrong, he was never rude; honestly? He’s sure he’s a saint.

You, carrying him on your shoulders, would like to say otherwise.

“Uhm, Ace,” you start, sighing exasperatedly before you continue, “why the heck are you on my shoulders? And why do we need to beat up Deuce?”

Ace scoffs haughtily at you, waving his shoulders and causing you to waver a bit, you weren’t really made for carrying others. 

“I’m on your shoulders because we need to beat up Deuce. We’re gonna intimidate him.” The redhead responds, as if anything he said makes sense.

“Ace, what the hell.”

DEUCE SPADE

he’s pretty normal about it. perchance. maybe not.

he probably also assumes you’re good at sports. long legs do have that effect on most people, i guess.

it’s not like he’s a short guy, so he doesn’t really need your help with anything.

he likes to think he doesn’t really care about your height, but you know otherwise.

it’s not like the dude would make fun of you— unlike a certain someone—, so you don’t really have to worry.

You find it kinda funny how Deuce always tries to look like he doesn’t have to crane his neck up to see your face. 

Scratch that, it’s really funny. He’s looking up, but his eyes are kinda looking down. What, is he trying to convince himself there isn’t a difference or something?

Actually, yeah, sounds about right.

Another thing you find funny is the fact that somehow, even with your towering height, Deuce is more intimidating than you. It’s not like you really put any effort into being scary, but it was just a little offensive! 

JACK HOWL

the poor guy experiences culture shock. lol.

he’s been the taller person for, like, most of his life.

imagine his shock when seeing you, a— sorry— rather plain human, being taller. by more than just a little bit.

imagine his shock when he lends his clothes to you, and they don’t even look that big! (unless you’re on the lanky, idia shroud side of tall. but still).

other than a mild and short-lived shock, he just doesn’t really care.

doesn’t seem like the kinda guy to.

you two, together, though? killer combo.

“Uhm.. We said we’re sorry—” the brown-haired 3rd year said, backing up slowly while the two second years behind him quivered— which was funny considering their rugged appearances.

But like, if two people who were well over 6 feet tall just walked up to you in the middle of lunch, demanding you “give grim back his chicken sandwich”, wouldn’t you be pretty scared?!

They didn’t even take it—

“Uhm,” the dark purple haired 2nd year hiding behind the 3rd year squeaks out (sounding very weird considering his deep voice), “I took it. I apologize!”

Oh!

…

All this, and for a literal chicken sandwich that was, what, 15 madol? That isn’t even expensive!

EPEL FELMIER

i’d like to apologize to epel in advance because it would actually look so hilarious to see you two together.

it’d be even funnier if, between the two of you, you were the calmer one. 

if you were the babygirl, so to speak.

there’s not much more to say than that the whiplash seeing you two together could kill a small cat.

When you think of a short student in NRC, the first person that usually comes to mind is Epel Felmier.

The boy in question doesn’t appreciate that.

And when you think of a tall student in NRC— well, a lot come to mind but one of the few most prominent is the Ramshackle prefect.

The prefect in question doesn’t really care.

And therein lies the issue. You don’t care about who is tall and who isn’t, but Epel does care. Very much so.

He eventually learns to be fine with being seen around you, though, even if it does mean his own height comes in comparison with yours.

SEBEK ZIGVOLT

a ‘weak human’.. being around his height? or taller?

culture shock 2.0. i feel so bad for him.

if he were any lesser person, he’d have attempted to recruit you to be a knight.

you’re a weak human, though, so he didn’t. 🤗

be grateful!

are you taller than malleus? you are, right? terrifying.

sebek would ask you to shrink.. sorry, but it’s true.

“WEAK HUMAN!” and just like that, your ears are broken. You don’t even know how you handle him screaming at this volume all the time. You’re dying, Lilia, help.

You look down (scary stuff) to meet his eyes, and he immediately starts talking.

“I’VE NOTICED—“

“Shh, keep it down.”

“Ahem, I’ve noticed that you are taller than the Young Master, so, I humbly request you shrink!”

…

Man, what the fuck.

[ragingstillness]

Recently got capsaicin oil on my lips and nose while cooking with jalapeños and it was a terrible experience. I did ultimately find a way to stop the burning but not until I had tried almost every solution the internet had to offer. So I thought I’d share my knowledge with you all so that when/if it happens to you, you know what works.

Disclaimer: your experience may differ from mine depending on your own body chemistry, how much you got on you, and where on your body you got it

Additional info: make sure that if you got it on your hands then wiped your face (as I did) that you use these solutions on your hands as well so you don’t just irritate your face all over again in your efforts to clean it. The oil also stayed under my nails longer than on my skin so clipping your nails short is the way to go.

Possible solutions:

Cold water: works, but the relief from burning is very temporary. Maybe a second or two from first contact with cold water but then back to burning

Soap and water: decent, as you do want to use a substance with fats or oils because capsaicin oil is fat soluble. However, the amount of washing required would take a lot of time with not much relief in between.

Olive oil: the right type of substance but like cold water the relief is temporary

Ice: will numb the burn to an extent. Is also temporary but will last longer than cold water. However, it will do nothing to actually fix the issue, just alleviate the sensation

Milk: somewhat effective. Most effective if you get the oil in your mouth and you drink it, less useful for outer skin contact

Fan blowing air: genuinely a good call. Like the ice it will alleviate the sensation while not fixing the problem but it is a good way to get your concentration back while you try to fix the problem. I used a fan with a spritz function so I could put water on my face then cool it down, gave me a lot of relief

Coconut milk conditioner: while the recommendation is technically to use coconut oil, this is all I had on hand. Pretty much the same as the olive oil. The substance itself is maybe a little more cooling but a huge waste of money for not a lot of relief

Face wash: no relief and no lessening of the issue, not worth the effort.

Aloe: also genuinely a good call. Cools pretty well and when I used it in conjunction with the fan the relief was particularly good. Also the kind of substance you want to be using to dissolve the oil.

Tomato sauce: believe it or not, this is the solution that actually worked. Tomato sauce. I was standing in my bathroom rubbing pasta sauce onto my face then washing it off and repeating. And it worked. What could have lasted 24 hours disappeared completely along with the redness and irritation in maybe two hours. Wouldn’t say it’s a miracle cure, but pretty close. Relief is not immediate during the washing process but you have to keep at it.

I also tried ice cream which may have worked but I tried it after the tomato sauce had already done its job so I can’t really attest to the effectiveness. The internet solutions I didn’t try were submerging my face in a bowl of milk (seemed weird, I’m not a cat, would suck to drown in milk) and vinegar (which just sounds like a bad idea I mean isn’t it slightly acidic?).

Ok I’m done but I hope this helps someone else. The burning wasn’t incapacitating in that I couldn’t breathe or stand up but I was definitely unable to continue the task I was doing when contact happened.

[vitaminwaterreviews]

M.I.L.K. - With Freshness

Overall, very impressed with Milk. There was a decent amount of variety on the album, although they did maintain that kind of soft vocal mixing, I dunno how to explain it but I’m sure you can tell what I mean. The guitars felt super out of place whenever they were included but it totally worked for me. I can imagine other people not vibing as much though. It’s neat to see the “change up” in this album; Seo Taiji did similar things, but Milk are no Seo Taiji. Average score of 6.8 which feels about right. It was good, there were good parts, but as a whole I wouldn’t say the album was anything super special.

Crystal

Cracked up at the “don’t worry bout it” after that intro

The actual sound is very … well, crystal

MV is … bad CGI lol

Love the autotune, I think it’s used well here. Not bon bon chocolat, a lot more restraint

I have no idea where the chorus is or what the hooks are, but i love the vibe

The rap sections are wild. Male vocals mixed in there, with singing overtop? Nice

Are those baby noises? Cat noises?

8/10, honestly very impressed. Sounds a bit like S.E.S., but still fresh. Granted, I only know three S.E.S. songs, but still.

Come To Me

Intro is similar vibes to Crystal

Nice slow jam feel after the intro. The vocals are soft, harmonies, same with Crystal actually

Synth break at 1:08, that’s cool. I don’t think the instrumental does enough to justify it though

5/10, didn’t do much to impress me, felt very S.E.S., safe and boring. But I’m never a huge fan of this style of music anyway so oh well

Sad Letter

The synth here reminds me of this one flash game that I used to play in 2006. I can’t even remember the name of the game or what it’s about but that synth sound 100% sounds like that one game and now my memory is straining trying to figure out wtf that game was

Anyway, as you can tell by my comments, this isn’t it for me either

6/10

Blind Love

HOLY SHIT WE GOT SOME FUNK GOING ON

Okay I wish it was funkier throughout though. It’s like the vocals are necessarily mixed softly

Also is it just me or do they keep saying “danger zone”?

Yeah, more grit on the vocals. You don’t need pretty harmonies in funk, the bass is trying to carry here but I want more rap, more sax, more mph

7/10

All My Love For You

Wait what is this, ‘Cause I’m Your Girl?

WAIT WE GOT THE NMIXX CHANGE UP AT 1:40 wtff

Also whats with the random unnamed male rappers? This is like the third song where that’s happened

Oh my god though I can’t get over the change up, 

That high note at 2:32 is literally ‘Cause I’m Your Girl, also so is the male doing part of the rap

7/10, I liked it a lot but it was like an S.E.S. imitation and that felt weird

I Want You

Harry Potter intro

Or maybe it’s Dreams Come True at this rate

Actually no, now that we’ve settled into it, I think I like where this going

HOLY SHIT THAT BASS

Ughhh the bass is actually carrying this so hard

And the guitar solo like wtf

This bridge is really forced. The return to the chorus sucked too

Background guitar is fun

8/10 but could be 7. I definitely liked it more than I disliked it

Secret

This intro is cool, we like string beats

This bass sounds like something out of Phineas and Ferb

I’m not convinced by any of this, it feels like the producer got their hands on a Logic sample library for the first time and made a song with random samples

Oh that false ending was cool, that actually got me

7/10, could be 8

Reason

Mmmm we love synthesized flute samples

I’m really impressed by the bass lines in all of these, they’re a lot more interesting than most modern kpop bass

The chorus hit but I was too busy writing the previous comment to pay attention

2:30 is really cool, I like the instrumental break with this selection of instruments

Yeah, I think I like this

8/10, if one of my faves released this I’d be all over it

Wish

Again, the slow jam stuff isn’t really my vibe

I do appreciate the harmonies

5/10, not my style, but I’m sure there are people who would enjoy this

She Never…

Intro is impressing me

Chorus, not so much

Okay, that rap break though. Another nmixx moment

I really vibe with the harmonies on top of the rap break, they do that a lot, that’s nice

The rest of this song is just not interesting enough to justify that good of a rap break

7/10

Stay With Me

Mmm groovy drums

Groovy bass, synths, vocal samples

The post-chorus measures tend to be more interesting than the chorus

The chorus is like, the least interesting part of these songs. I like the instrumentals, and the raps when they happen, but the choruses just aren’t catchy to me

6/10 purely for the samples

Good Time

Again, strong intro

This bass is actually so good

THERE’S THAT SYNTH AGAIN

Is that guitar in the background before the chorus?

Bringing back the autotune flourishes

Here’s the guitar again, good stuff

Haha the bridge here, nice and distorted, lofi

Cracked up as it led into the rap break I’m crying

This feels like the culmination of everything this album has to offer, I like it a lot

8/10