#Tw paranoia mention

[antiendovents]

gonna post my own little vent now, because god am I frustrated right now, so uh warning for that I guess???

I'm so pissed off about what endos have done to this community. I wish they didn't exist. Honestly. Fuck endos. Fuck their made up shit. I am already paranoid enough as it is about social interactions (and many other things) and endos have not helped one bit. I can't even like a single post related to systems, mogai, disability, ect without checking to make sure the person I'm interacting with isn't an endo / pro endo. Not just on this site either, but on other apps and websites. And it sucks because either a) they're pro endo / an endo and I have to deal with that , b ) they have no listed opinion / are neutral or if I'm lucky c ) they're anti endo. If there's no listed opinion (not even saying they're neutral, just nothing on it) I get oddly anxious. Like I know not everyone is required to give their opinions or beliefs but it makes me so paranoid that they might be a pro endo in disguise and I'll have to deal with that eventually.

I hate what endos have done to this community. I hate what they have done to me

[anti--transid]

I am fucking begging for radqueers to take a step back and realize that encouraging delusions will harm people really fucking badly, I know that because it happened to me, I was so violently dissociated from reality and was 100% sure I was supposed to be a deity, it got so bad I refused to be called human and blocked and reported anyone who reality checked me, I would have breakdowns if I was reality checked, radqueers simply told me I was "transdeity" and that I was perfectly OK.

It took a long time to slowly pull myself away from that delusion, I still find myself slipping back sometimes, to the point we split off a part specifically meant to hold that specific delusion.

Being "pro-elusion" (basically "delusions are cool and dont need professional help lololol yeah ur totally a ancient deity") is dangerous and harmful.

Delusions are fucking terrifying, my delusions have genuinely made me so paranoid I slept for a full week under a tiny glass table because I was 100% sure I was being constantly watched and that it was the government trying to watch my every move because I was deity.

I cant even have my windows open at night without violent paranoia, but yeahh use your cutesy little "hehe transparanoia" flag and be "pro-elusion", ignore how badly delusions and paranoia have hurt people.

-Matcha/Whimsielle, ask prns

[anti-endo-haven]

cw end of the world talk death talk delusion talk idk i’m just paranoid sui talk as well

//

i don’t wanna die i don’t want the world to end i don’t want the world to end i want to be safe i’m scared to go outside i’m scared to move because if i move the world will end i’m scared i’m so scared i’m so scared and i’m so close to ending it myself so i don’t have to suffer with this paranoid anymore so i don’t have to suffer

i want to wake up tomorrow i’m so scared i won’t

i’m scared to look at the moon i’m scared to see the sun i’m scared i’m scare i’m scared

i cant hear any natural sound without wanting to cry and being scared the world will end i

i know it’s just windy and rainy but i’m scared

i wanna be safe i don’t feel safe

-🪐🫀

The world won’t end from an eclipse. It’s fearmongering from assholes that want to cause issues for everyone and send the fear of some rapture. The world isn’t ending.

You are safe, it is okay to move. The moon is saying hello to the sun and just being friendly again. They haven’t seen each other so they want to be able to say hi.

The world will be here tomorrow so don’t give up on it. You are safe.

It’s okay.

[femmina-eroe]

so after yesterday, apparently me getting flowers sent over for a friend’s bday and telling them it wasn’t me was wrong 🫠 i got chewed up for doing such a “horrible thing.” and it “set off their paranoia bc they thought someone was stalking them.”

🧍‍♂️

dude if you admit you’re that paranoid, you need help. and next time, maybe just fucking say thank you instead of being an asshole to someone who just did something nice for you.

** to add: when i “apologized” for causing them such distress and explaining that i wanted to do a nice thing, they proceeded to shut me out and ghost me for HOURS last night and are continuing to ghost me. i’ve received no apology on their end, nor have they taken accountability for being extremely disrespectful to me.

[webvampzz]

i may be paranoid but

[genuine-possum]

I feel like I'm going to go insane

my little brother has the chickenpox, which normally wouldn't be too much of a concern to people since if you've had it once you're unlikely to get it again. My problem is that I'm one of those rare cases that has gotten it not once, not twice, but three fucking times.

that, paired with my tactile hallucinations and paranoia are driving me insane

it takes between 1-3 weeks for symptoms to show up and if I have chickenpox and can't go to my formal I'm actually going to cry

[jestroer]

What’s NHO? Never heard about such a thing!

[a-healthy-dose-of-apathy]

yeah yeah hold on, i’m trying to convince myself suicide isn’t the answer

[lacetrauma]

im sorry that i don’t have much to say anymore. im not as creative as I used to be

[polyamquackity]

There are bugs inside of me (Wilbur Soot's voice, lyrics, and music). They're going to be a part of me forever no matter how hard I try to claw them out or throw them up

[razorspidey]

happens way too much to me

read my intro b4 interacting ⋆ block don't report

[antiendovents]

breaking the queue I already set up to vent. Probably gonna put it under the cut because GOD DAMN I am angry. Dont worry, the queue will be back to normal soon ((yes I queue posts, don't question me, I will cry))

Uh, also I think I'll add a tag for my own vents, so you can block them if you wanna (#personal vent / #personal vents <- two because I'll probably forget to add or get rid of the "s")

I HATE ENDOS. I am like barely holding myself together, I am sick and tired of trying to find xenogenders, labels, ect, for me and my headmates only for them to be made by endos. Even when I see pro endos with like "oh, DNI if anti endo, but you can still use my terms so don't reclaim them" it makes me pissed off because I DONT WANT to use an pro endos term. I shouldn't have to. Am I going to reclaim it? I DONT KNOW. I want to but I have no motivation, only fear and anger. I am sick of my disorder being treated like a game. I have literally lost years of my life. Years, months that I can't remember. All of it gone. I question whats a trauma response and what's not constantly, I don't know if the trauma I remember is all that happened or if there's more I don't know about. Yet endos can just sit here with their little roleplaying accounts, pretending to have the disorder that makes my life a living hell. I can't make friends, I'm so fucking scared of people, of the outside world, so I come here to the internet and everything is so much worse. FUCK SAKE WHY CANT I JUST HAVE A SPACE TO BE ME. I am so tired of endos taking over safe spaces.

[anti--transid]

About the angry radqueers in my inbox who are crying about my "nurse! Another patient escaped" joke

I can make those jokes, I was traumatized by the psych industry, when I attempted, i was constantly watched 24/7 despite me saying that it worsened my already bad paranoia, I had my trauma brushed off my medical professionals.

Also the fact that they all instantly turned to throwing slurs at me? Like darling that isnt a good look on you <3

[nepobabyeurydice]

hi yeah, have my hazel (+ sammy after moving to new mexico) headcanons.

Hazel is naturally gifted at horse training and the owner of the ranch let her and sammy do whatever because the horses were better than the ones they didn’t touch

Her voice deepens as she grows older, i’m thinking like patrick page from Hadestown deep.

She grows up just to under Frank’s chin and they both laugh hysterically at her being ‘forehead kiss’ height

As praetor she pushed for an actual calvary for Camp Jupiter and has a squad of several elite horseman because of it

Sammy’s daughter was called Hazel Ximena,

Sammy’s wife, Esperanza, was grateful to Hazel for the diamond that bought them their ranch although she always wondered if Hazel would one day track down Sammy and steal him from her.

Hazel took two or three sips of Lethe before Nico met her and that’s why the flashbacks happen, she shouldn’t have forgotten at all that so her mind’s trying to piece it back together.

Hazel and Marie were avid users of Madame C.J Walker’s hair pomade while in New Orleans

Hazel’s has an army of secret mentee’s. Frank has a fan club, the two overlap more than you think

Hazel is still uncomfortable with using the Mist in dramatic, gaslighting ways. She becomes convinced that some threat can get to her and control her like Gaea did her mother so avoids doing large scale ‘attention grabbing’ Mist use.

Her middle name is Lucretia after the woman who ended Tarquin’s kingship by hanging herself after a traumatic rape. An unfortunate allusion to her killing herself and her mother to keep Gaea from returning.

Hazel’s French curses are the most terrifyingly vivid threats and promises that you’ve ever heard

[haunted-fae]

Basically creepypasta proxies with a Paranoid!Reader

Genderneutral, it's Hoodie/Toby/Masky (is Toby still creepypasta? I know there was drama with him in fanfics... I know Hoodie/Masky are Marble Hornets I'm using the creepypasta fanfic versions.)

Warnings: Stalking, paranoia (and the justification of it), uses you pronouns, there's gonna be mentions of killing

You've always had a feeling that someone was just behind you. That someone was lurking in the darkness, that noise downstairs was a murderer climbing up the stairs to kill you.

Every noise made your head swivel, to the point your friends didn't even tease you about it anymore.

Little do you know how valid your fears are...

Masky sees you one day during work. You were passing by the apartment he was in, apparently he'd left the door open. You noticed the red seeping slowly towards the door and you nervously called in, "Hey 203, you doing ok?" When he came to the door you were tightly clutching your phone, your finger hovering over the numbers to call 911. "Yeah I'm fine," he'd said, "Just spilled some paint, sorry to worry you." He took in the way your shoulders dipped with your relief, the way your mouth curved into a small smile, the way you took his breath by existing. So from that moment on he was 203. It had its benefits; alone time, no Toby, and of course, you. Sometimes he'd just listen through the wall to whatever music or show you have on. When you bring someone over he has his ear on the wall the entire time trying to figure out who they are to you. Don't be surprised if you have less second dates. He follows you to work, he loves the glimpses of your face he gets when you turn around. If he manages to get close to you he'll bribe Ben into breaking your security system, so he can come "fix" it. He keeps a smile to himself at how tired you are, how scared you look when it's broken, how you come knock on his door in the middle of the night cause it feels like your in danger all while you walk straight into its arms.

Hoodie remembered you from college. You weren't apart of the... film project. You were in some core classes with him, the ones they forced everyone to take. He remembered how you look, how you wrote a million notes, how you obsessively checked over every assignment before turn in. It didn't start with him liking you, it just started as curiosity. "What could my life have been, if I never met Tim?" A useless hypothetical, you were different majors, but still he was drawn to you. He followed you when he had the chance, ducking just out of your peripheral when the crawling on your back got too bad to ignore. He watched your dates and he didn't interfere, at least not until they got a third. Once one of them had the gall to try something with you in public. You, as scared of everything as you were, had ignored your suspicions because "your just being paranoid" so he had to be the savior. Once he becomes apart of your life, he begins to miss you, miss the normalcy that you give his chaotic life. He loves when you look over your shoulder, unconsciously moving towards him for safety, unknowing that he's the very thing your afraid of.

Toby wasn't one for silence, he can't be. Normally he'd never waste the time to figure out his feelings and follow you so far but, you noticed him. You thought he was a cosplayer, you complimented him, you asked what show it was from. Because of course he's a cosplayer, it's just your paranoia telling you those axes are a bit too sharp to be foam, the smell of blood a bit too real to be fake. He's fine, he's just a person. You should've listened. People you go on dates with never call back, people in your life seem to disappear, and you are getting too scared to go outside. At least not alone. Once Toby is in your life, and he is, he becomes the only person you can truly rely on. He makes sure that you never stop looking over your shoulder, that your paranoia becomes agoraphobia so that he is the only person you'll see.

[slugass]

hey disability activists, if you’re going to call out people being assholes to people with mental disablities:

-don’t use shit like “i’m in ur walls” or any meme SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO TRIGGER MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE as a “haha funny” threat.

-suicide baiting like “kys” is NOT neccessary. you don’t need to do that.

-if you do either of those things, PLEASE ADD A GODDAMN TRIGGER WARNING.

don’t be a fucking hypocrite.