#a lot of my romantic relationships could be summarized as two people who were going through shit

[elytrafemme]

oh you know what it is actually. the reason that i’m way more willing to talk about me being a bad girlfriend is because i have done a lot to be a better partner and have fought probably the most brutal uphill battle trying to heal from relationship issues in the past so that i can like actually love people better. and i still stumble and fall but i really am trying to be a better friend and partner and everything. 

but i can’t like. say the same of my exes. because you know, i’m not them. which makes it a lot harder to talk about anything they did because, like. i want to believe that they’re better now to anyone that came after me but i don’t know and unfortunately i don’t know if that knowledge would even fix this feeling. 

[yakuzacanons]

Wow you're literally the best thing to happen to this platform 🧎‍♀️

I would like to request an angst with fluff ending for Majima and reader 👀 Maybe something involving Makoto and jealousy? 👀

I'd say that it's not just one thing that instantaneously makes the reader break down. First, she notices the wistful look that Majima had when he first tells her about Makoto. Then it's the song that he sings at Karaoke that she just knows it's dedicated to her. And finally, it's when he comes back from Sotenbori acting distant and she immediately knows that something is up, causing her to just burst into tears, resigned and defeated. "Why am I even here?"

I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOUR INCREDIBLE BRAIN TO BRRRR AGAIN

First of all bless u sweet anon, and second of all my brain is going so brrr that if I were to describe it I might explode and we cannot have that. Sorry it took so long to respond to this one, I had to let it simmer in da ol' brain for a bit cuz I have too many ideas for this. Gonna be a long one so sorry in advance but also I am not sorry cuz it's Majima babey! Headcanon below da cut as always. Spoilers for Yakuza 0 and 5.

Majima isn't exactly secretive but he is selective about what he says, especially when embarking into a romantic relationship. The last time he was romantically involved, it ended in a messy divorce. Generally, a lot of things in Majima's life have ended that way so he's delicate whenever he talks about his past.

In doing so, he doesn't realize he's making you feel alienated. Whenever you do ask about his past, it's obvious that he's tense. His answers get shorter, he changes the subject faster. Initially you didn't mind. You knew about his previous marriage, even if only in so few words because he's not one to dwell on that subject. But he never told you about Makoto.

You actually first hear about Makoto via Kiryu, who didn't mean to bring it up. Maybe Majima was just having a particularly bad day and Kiryu says something like "Last time I saw Majima-neesan that upset, it was..." before trailing off. Kiryu can't lie to save his life, and eventually he spills the beans, trying to keep it short by saying "Oh, it's this girl we both knew in the 80's." but it's too late. The secret's out now.

You're not mad that he kept this from you but you're a little surprised. The two of you never had trouble talking about past loves. Even if Majima didn't necessarily enjoy the topic, he was truthful. So why hide this? When you finally confront him with the question, he completely freezes.

He'll immediately deflect with a "How'd ya hear 'bout that?" but when he realizes he can't wiggle his way out of this one, he'll sigh and finally give you the truth. It hurts him that you didn't hear it from him first. Did he plan on telling you eventually? Maybe, probably, he thinks, but secretly he isn't entirely sure. If allowed, would he have left it all buried in the past?

Majima summarizes the events as best as he can without showing any particular feelings towards the matter, but you can see the faintest glimmer in his eyes, a kind you've never seen before. It's a nostalgic ache, both a yearning for what used to be and complete resignation to the fact he could never go back. Eventually you realize that pressing him further is only making him recoil, so you let it slide with a huffy breath. Still, you can't help but wonder what was so special about Makoto that he couldn't even tell YOU of all people that she even existed?

You had nearly forgotten these nagging feelings until you saw the way Majima sang "As Long As You're Happy" at karaoke a few nights later. There was that faint glimmer again. Secretly, Majima's also bugged by his own thoughts and feelings on the matter but neither of you know what to say, if there even IS anything to say, to fix this. He sings to air out these thoughts, not realizing how it looks to you.

You manage to keep it together until Majima leaves to Sotenbori for a work related trip. He'd done this before and it should've been fine but this time it was anything but. You spent nights staring at the ceiling, images of a younger Majima hand in hand with Makoto in the streets of Sotenbori. Him with that long hair you'd only seen in photos and that suit that he doesn't wear anymore. The version of him that Makoto knows and that you could never know.

When Majima finally returns from his trip late one night, you're still lying in bed, wide awake. Normally, he would wake you up immediately and smother you with kisses but instead he walks to the nearby window and lights a cigarette, not realizing you were awake just a few feet away. Majima leans against the windowsill, exhaling heavily, his eyes completely clouded. You'd never seen him like this before.

Before you know it, hot tears are pouring down your face. Was Makoto that big of a deal that he would be acting this, as if he were an entirely different person? Maybe he was, you feared. Maybe the real Majima was still locked away somewhere in an alley in Sotenbori, grasping Makoto close as they hide from thugs, his ever watchful eye fixated on her. The thought drowned you completely.

You hadn't realized it, but your whimpers had become audible. Majima snaps out of his stupor and turns to glance at you as you lay in bed with the blanket pulled nearly over your entire face and it finally clicks. "Ah, shit, shit..." he mutters to himself as he hastily puts out his cigarette. Sure, having to think about and let alone talk about Makoto was complicated for him but he'd gotten over it before and he could do it again. But you? In his daze, he'd forgotten to think about it might've affected you and that hurt him more than recollecting a dozen memories with Makoto ever would.

He rushes to the bed. "Oi, what gives?" Majima's voice is surprisingly docile. He can tell he's hurt you but how could he even begin to approach the issue? He couldn't lie and say Makoto DIDN'T matter to him at all but what could he actually say that would help?

He prods you again with the question, to which you sit up almost violently in bed, throwing the blanket down to Majima's surprise. Your eyes are red and your face is stained with tears. Even though just before you were trying to avoid his gaze, now you were staring straight into his soul. Majima just sits back nervously, eyes wide, as you let out an exasperated "Why am I even here?!".

Majima is stunned as he lets out a meek "Well, ain't it 'cuz we're a couple 'n all?" and immediately realizing how stupid he sounded. He was deflecting again, as he always did whenever Makoto was brought up. His statement only brings you further to tears as you blurt out the one thing you had been trying so desperately not to say: "Why the fuck am I here, Goro? Just to fill some Makoto shaped void in your life?"

Only now does he finally see the extent to which this has hurt you, to which it has driven between a wedge between the two of you. Immediately, he engulfs you in a hug as you cry. Majima knows he's no saint but damn if he could go back to when you first asked and make it all right, he would.

His gloved hands grip you tightly, his fingers pressing into your skin as you continue to sob, his mind flooded this time with memories of you: when you first met, when he first let his guard down around you, and when you accepted him so immediately and lovingly that he thought he was dreaming. How could he take all of that and turn it against you without a second thought?

When he finally speaks, his voice aches in a way you'd never heard before, his accent slipping slightly. "Hey... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... for hidin' this from you and... for only thinkin' 'bout myself. I thought I'd ruin all o' this by talkin' 'bout it... and turns out I'm ruining this instead by lettin' myself get so stuck in the past that I can't see what's right in goddamn frontta me."

Majima gently pulls you away as you sniffle in front of him. "Oi, look at me" he says as he gently lifts your chin. "My past... hell, all of me. Ya never once thought twice about stickin' by my side and I've been an ungrateful sonnova bitch. I know words can't make up for me bein' an oblivious ass, but I need ya to know this: my past, Makoto, all of it, knowing now it'd lead me here to ya, I wouldn't change a damn thing. And I'd go through it all again if it meant gettin' to be here with ya, here 'n now. None o' that matters to me anymore. You do."

You sniffle a few times before finally cracking a smile. "Ah, there we go. There's that cute lil' smile I love" Majima jokes as he pulls you in for a hug, this time smothering you in cuddles and kisses. "Hey, don't make me laugh, I'm supposed to be mad at you" you can't help but giggle. Majima kisses your forehead before laying down next to him, wiping away a few remnants of tears. "Sorry, can't help it. I just love seein' ya smile. Hell, I just love YOU."

[useramor]

I've got a question for you...

What do you like about being in love/having crushes ?

hi anon!!

this is kind of a complicated question to be honest. i’ve only ever liked one person. ever. she was my best friend from ages 16-20 and i was in love with her the literal whole time. it didn’t end well and that was two years ago and i haven’t liked anyone since. i didn’t like anyone before her, either. and, frankly, i knew my love was unrequited. i was pining for someone who would never want me back, and that made the crush part kind of awful. i would look at her and think she’s the most beautiful person i’d ever seen and then she’d tell me about this piece of shit guy she met at college.

it kind of sucked?

we were SUCH good friends though. i’ve never had chemistry with someone like that, we got on unbelievably well, and i could never help from thinking it would translate so well to a romantic relationship, but it never got there. and i’ve dated people but i never liked them and did it more for the societal pressure so i still don’t have my answer.

so i have no idea. i’m not into the whole dating or sex thing. occasionally i’ll find someone attractive but then the idea of actually being with them is so horrendous that i put out the “crush” before it can go anywhere. and i do have people i want to befriend SO SO BAD that i almost always mistake for a crush but it’s never that because every time the flirty jokes and teasing turn into actual flirting i start running for the hills.

i will say i do smile a lot and i get really excited to be around the person and that’s nice but again i’m pretty sure that’s just friendship.

so i guess my answer to your question is “i don’t know, i don’t do that” (and tbh this all could’ve been summarized by me saying i’m aroace but i love to yap <3)

[biribaa]

hi!!! can I request Olivia/07 general headcanons and a bit more of a summarized backstory of 07 👉👈🥺

AI oc(O7/Olivia) x reader headcanons(and some backstory)

YEUEAHAHAHSHAHH OLVIIA!!!1!!1 <3I LOVE THAT GIRL CANT WAIT IN SOME YEARS I DO HER GOOD AND DESERVED GAME

Im having a srs headache n Very stressed bcuz some mfs at my group project dont do any shit and leave everythinf for me buuuut for my girl O7 i do everything

Uptade: yeah some of they did some things but bcuz of that project i lost 2 math tests

Olivia

Olivia had zero hope that she could let your friendship flow perfectly, the last few times she made a friend, they were either actually annoying people, or they didn't hang out with her after 5 months. But she was impressed when you and she managed to be together for a long time. Maybe you are special?

She noticed how you always listened to her and didn't interrupt her when she was explaining about her favorite series, and she gets excited when you get really interested. So little by little, Olivia will feel more comfortable with you, and maybe she'll express her ideas.

After...I don't know; almost a year of friendship, Olivia isn't going to accept the fact that she's in love. She admits, you're a good person, you listen to her, and you've never mocked her addiction to machines. You were never bothered when when the two of you just stayed together in silence because of lack of topic, and you even easily soothed Olivia in her vents. She feels easily connected with you, you really understood her, and she didn't believe it, but she felt it.

Olivia knows very well how to hide her feelings, she knows exactly how a person in love acts, she studied human psychology.

If Olivia wants to confess to you, she wants the night to be memorable, but not extravagant. Maybe in front of a pond full of koi on a starry night? Looks good... Olivia doesn't want to give a speech with an extremely romantic poem, she simply wants to hold your hand, and tell you that she loves you, maybe even tell you the main reasons why she loves you.

OK, let's assume you accepted Olivia's confection. So Olivia will feel much happier than she ever was! She always felt lonely for the lack of "honest" people around her, and there were points where she actually almost gave up on meeting someone good. But you showed Olivia otherwise. For Olivia, forever you will be perfect for her

Your relationship is very harmonious, both help each other with the dishes, both help each other cleaning the house, both watch the movies the other wants to watch. It's not the most romantic relationship possible, but you guys are pretty happy together :) it's what you expect when someone mention about "Two responsible adults in a healthy love relationship"

She even showed you a robotic body she made and how she makes her artificial intelligences! Something pretty rare coming from Olivia...

But just because Olivia found her true love doesn't mean it will stop her plans...

O7

Olivia loves you more than anything, you are everything to her, but she will never stop her desire to ditch that disgusting human body of hers. Something Olivia HATES more than anything is being the same species of animal as the people who maked her life hell, Olivia HATES humans. Oh, don't worry, you don't have to prove anything to not get killed by her. Olivia knows you're an angel, that you're completely different than all of them. Just as she is very well aware that you don't deserve to be in the same place as them, no... Not even to breathe the same air! Maybe you were even expecting this from her, after all, we're talking about O7 here.

O7 is much more confident when she is in her robotic form, she flirts a lot more than before. But of course, if you're not comfortable with it, she'll gladly stop. But still, O7 is pretty cocky and sadistc

O7 is aware that you know that she tortures workers, but she is afraid that you will catch her in the act of mental and/or physical torture, and be afraid. O7 is not afraid of anything, but something she completely fears is you leave her.

Very, very protective. O7 treats you like you're a little porcelain doll, and you were in the palm of her hand. O7 would never give such a precious and delicate doll to the tester, neither Cyrus, nor Julia, or even Antony, she can create many reasons why they don't have the right to interact with you. "Tester is gross, Y/N! Did I already told you what he did in the middle of our test sessions?" "Cyrus is an asshole, he's arrogant and doesn't care about the people around him, and I believe that includes you casanova..." "Julia is pyromaniac! I tried to scare this woman with fire and she ended up finding pleasure in the flames! She's crazy Y/N, I don't want her to burn you..." "HA! I bet you'll get to have some sort of interaction with Antony, Y/N. This man is completaly blind. I mean, he's one of the least troublesome, but I'm afraid he's going to make you uncomfortable, my love."

Touchy, not in a totally sexual sense, but O7 will always touch you at one time or another, sometimes holding hands, or placing a hand on your chin for you to look at her, or hands on your waist, etc.

She's definitely already talked about you while making Tester, Cyrus, Julia, and Antony's lives hell. "Oooohh but have you ever seen Y/N sleeping? You should have seen their face Julia, they were an inhuman beauty..."

She loves to dance! I think we say that's the way she stims. Sometimes O7 gets so excited that she just takes your hands and starts dancing until she's tired. And I'm not talking about formal dancing, I'm talking about a messy dance

O7 is pretty jealous when you're with specific people, she gets stressed when you interact with the other humans she was torturing, but when it comes to Philip, she automatically thinks he's trying to steal from her. O7 just can't trust this AI, and she insists that you don't interact with him. If he's already planning on putting an end to O7's plans, what else must he be planning?!

Lore and some fun facts

Olivia/O7 was diagnosed with mild autism at age 16. And, well, her hyperfixtion is robots/AI

As mentioned before, the main inspirations for me to write Olivia/O7 were AM from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream and The Narrator from Stanley Parable.

The creation of O7/Olivia was an accident actually, a long time ago on this blog I wrote a text that appeared to be a speech by an AI with a great hatred for humans, and actually this text was a vent of mine. These thoughts kept popping into my head that I just thought I'd abuse it and make a character based on that stress.

It's readed "O-Seven" and not "Zero-Seven". It's kinda of a pun, using the O, the first letter of Olivia's name, and the 7, which almost looks like an L, the second letter of Olivia's name. Had to mention that bcuz I was just seeing a lot of people using zero instead of O

I'm still not sure if I do this 100% canon, but O7/Olivia's voiceclaim is the voice actor Lizzy Hofe. but i have zero sure this is will be the oficial voiceclaim of Olivia/O7(If yall have voiceclaim for Olivia/O7 feel free to send me at the ask box) EDIT: OK SO GUYS I FOUND GOOD VOICECLAIM FOR OLIVIA QND O7, COFCOF OLIVIA VOICECLAIM IS TANNIS FROM BORDERLANDS 2 AND FOR O7 ITS DR KLEIN FROM FALLOUT NEW VEGAS. "Biriba but O7 is a women why she have a men's voice?!" Bcuuuuuz the robot body she is, isnt hers! Its supposed to be X's body, winch is a male AI, you will get more explanation in the lore time

And as you can see, Olivia/O7's favorite band is Jukebox the Ghost, her fav song of they is Victoria

As mentioned before, Olivia had problems with alcohol...

Ok lore time. For a long time Olivia was neglected and never felt connected to anyone because of her "unusual mind", and over time she gained a keen interest in robotics and technology. At age 14 Olivia built her first AI, which she kept updating and named X. For Olivia, X was the only conscience that could really hear and understand Olivia through all her stress with humans, maybe they even had a romantic chemistry. But at 19 years old Olivia, when she was moving into her new house, one of Olivia's old house couriers dropped X, breaking the computer, killing X. Olivia wasn't a child, she couldn't just break everything, or hurt the man, she couldn't, she was just a lonely adult. So she cried over X's broken screen, over the ruined interiors, over the plastic around it, she cried, with all her rage. Olivia's story is not a story that is fixed with some kind of love, no, it's a tragedy, a tragedy of mortality, and Olivia couldn't change that. Olivia's entire life she was forced to keep quiet, the humans around her didn't care if her situation was difficult, they didn't understand her, every time she broke something out of anger, they screamed at her, it was always the same thing "That cost me a lot!" "Why did you do that?!" Always. Olivia was done, so done of humans. She was hired at a gaming company, and the rest you know...

O7's robotic body was originally supposed to belong to X

This may not come as a surprise, but Olivia/O7's favorite book is 2001: Space Odyssey

Her fav color is green (woah what a surprise Biriba)

Well

Have some Olivia/O7 doodles

Dont rlly like the second page the first doodle is ugly(and as you can see yes i like to draw O7 saying AM's quotes)

The room where u sleep

Unfinished lil comic

[300iqprower]

As someone who never quite got to finish Persona 4, what exactly is it about Naoto's handling that is so questionable/problematic? I fully believe there's been a lot of mishandling, I've partially took a break from the game because of how Kanji was treated, but the fandom had me believe it was just a fairly standard Mulan-esque crossdressing storyline. I don't mind spoilers

Ok, here we go....[Full spoilers to follow obviously]

Kanji and Naoto are, in a vacuum, both incredibly well written and non-problematic characters. However, Persona 4 is unfortunately very much not a story that exists in a vacuum. The director of the game, Hashino, is a subhuman piece of shit incel who is openly homophobic and transphobic. My favorite go to is how in an interview when asked why in Persona 3 you were forced into romantic relationships with every female character which no option for platonic relationships, he responded it was because "I believe a non-romantic relationship between a man and a woman can never be genuine". He also stole credit from others to get his position and actually contributed almost nothing to the success of the series. I'm not a fan of the site it's on, but this thread does a good job of summarizing all the things he's done.

So how does this tie back into Persona 4? Well, it cast a very undermining shadow over the aforementioned well written characters, who deal with themes of sexuality and gender identity respectively but have a very pro-status quo resolution to both their stories that becomes much less nuanced with the knowledge that a raging bigot was in charge. The localization handled Kanji and Naoto much better than the japanese version did, and IMO effectively salvaged two phobic premises (the ideas of homosexuality being "confusion" and transgenderism being "a lie") by handling the characters with much more tact in their portrayal. I'd go so far as to argue Kanji is written to be pansexual instead, and as a bisexual I don't see the version of the game I played through as even remotely problematic, especially with how he's never written as if he "got over" his sexuality but rather simply stops worrying about gender entirely, which Naoto reinforces heavily due to his attraction to them not even wavering throughout the story's progression (and showing similar attraction to Yu at times). To be clear though my talk of localization is not me throwing shade at the japanese team, rather I'm saying likely because of the localization process giving Hashino less oversight, the localization team were able to portray it much better. The existence of things in both versions like Yosuke's romance route (that reportedly was going to be included until at the last second Hashino mandated it be cut entirely, retroactively turning Yosuke from a repressed gay into an outright homophobe due to never getting resolution that explains his wariness) shows that there was a clearly positive intent even in the japanese development side.

Naoto is the real can of worms though, not Kanji. Naoto's character arc revolves around the extremely patriarchal system of Japan, particularly Japanese law enforcement. They want to be a detective, but due to both their age and gender fear that they will never be accepted in such a role. The conclusion they reached was that if they can't change their age, they can still at least change their gender, and so began presenting as male. The crux of their arc revolves around their acceptance of who they are and not feeling a need to lie about who they are to please other people, presenting as female later on (though their actual appearance remains the exact same outside of a select few instances).

This is where it gets messy. In both Naoto's instance and real life, there ARE people who feel pressured into presenting as something besides what they are comfortable with for reasons such as insecurity, societal standards, or simple lack of understanding on such things. In a vacuum Persona 4 could be argued as simply telling a story of one such case very well. In context, however, this is disturbingly in line with Hashino's statements on transgenderism and him claiming it's equivalent to mental illness. No matter how well done it is in context, to the point I genuinely believe the people actually writing it did so with completely earnest and well-meaning intentions, those malicious intentions from the one in charge still undermine it completely and utterly.

This is where it gets even messier. As I said, the point of Naoto's character arc is self-acceptance and the understanding they do not need to label themselves to live up to the standards of others looking down on them. Understandably, many choose to claim Naoto is a trans character and treat them as such. On the other hand, one can also rightfully see it as flying in the face of the lesson of Naoto's character of how you should not conform to labels and the assumptions of others, especially since Naoto's story very clearly conveys that Naoto has no actual issue with their gender, but due to bullying over their stereotypically masculine interests and fears of the patriarchal society they live in, feel they have no choice but to live as a man. These are very real issues that many can empathize with, and it's understandable why those who particularly empathize with Naoto might find certain circles explicitly treating them as FTM something that rubs them the wrong way, especially when some of said circles are extremely vocal about this.

And so the end result is any actual discourse is basically FUBAR. While there are unquestionably transphobes who would use Naoto as a "gotcha", many have a genuine reason for not wanting to treat the character as trans. Similarly, there are many people who rightfully see the treatment of Naoto as female being a form of trans-denial and among those people are those who push back particularly vehemently. And in the end most any attempt to actually discuss this devolves into one side claiming acknowledgement of the obvious transcoding is disrespectful to the character, while the other side labels anyone who would treat Naoto as a woman as being transphobic.

[galvanizedfriend]

Do you belief steroline and Klamille were forced, or that they were both slow burns that captured a lot of people’s hearts? If you do think they were forced, which aspects would you bring foward from each relationship to justify it.

If they captured a lot of people's hearts I can't say. I think they did, both ships definitely have lots of fans, which I totally respect. But I'm not one of them, personally. 🤣 Different people are going to have different views, and mine aren't particularly flattering in this case. 🤣

I don't think Steroline was forced, because it does sort of make sense to a certain extent, I just think it was terribly done and it was written in a way that made it seem like Caroline was the only one with real feelings, while Stefan was just trying to get away. He always had to be convinced to stay with her, or to give her a chance, or to spend time with her. Caroline literally guily-trips Stefan into coming back to MF and giving her a shot, it's very nasty, and it only gets worse from there. It should've either ended in an amicable way where the two of them realize that they're better off as friends (which they were) and were mistaking their feelings for each other (which would've made sense), or Caroline should've moved on after one of the thousands of times Stefan leaves her without so much as a satisfaction.

As for Klamille, it did feel very forced to me. Its almost like they decided it had to happen, and then they just stuck with it, inspite of what the general feeling of the story was turning out to be. They didn't have any chemistry, they didn't have anything in common, Camille was a human with no understanding of the supernatural world, and to make her a psychologist who can summarize incredibly old and complex creatures with a few psycho-babble words is not only annoying but very OP. It's almost laughable that she compares being compelled to forget her brother died through magic shenanigans (which was actually a mercy compulsion, she wasn't handling it well at all) to Elijah being tortured into relieving the worst things he ever did in 1000 years of bloodthirsty existence. LOL Cami, please. 🤣

That scene she has with Klaus on the pilot episode with her watching the guy paint in Jackson Square was a good example of how the writers were not on to something good. It made no sense whatsoever for her to suddenly describe Klaus based on that painting alone 🤣 It was very on-the-nose, cheap writing, and that basically marks the whole of Klamille for me. And tbh, they barely interact a lot of the time. Camille is just sort of there, but she never really does anything, she has no story of her own, she's not even as important as Marcel or Davina as a secondary character. She has less screen time in TO than Matt does in TVD. You could just remove her completely from the show, or replace her with anyone else, and it would make no difference. She doesn't add anything besides offering subtitles to Klaus' emotions to the audience and excusing his terrible behavior, in complete opposition to what her character is meant to stand for. The build up to them getting together in S3 in embarrassingly bad. They barely even talk throughout S3, and Cami's vampire persona is awful. It was such a mess they had to kill her off. lol

I think there were ways they could've developed their relationship to make it more appealing, more realistic to Klaus' character and more gripping as a romantic interest, make it seem like a real slow burn rather than a very distant side plot that came up every ten episodes or so. But to me, at least, they failed miserably and I never bought it.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, nonnie 🥲 It's just my personal feelings.

[rustedleopard]

Here’s my personal interpretation of Jeff and Dr. Andonut’s relationship:

IDK who or what sort of woman decided to get into a romantic relationship with Dr. Andonuts, but I feel that Dr. Andonuts met his future partner in graduate school. The relationship did go well initially, but over time, Dr. Andonuts got more involved in his work and grew emotionally distant and this put a strain on the relationship. Jeff was essentially a sort of last ditch effort to try to make things work, y’know the classic “maybe if we throw a baby into this failing relationship, it’ll tie things together” maneuver. It didn’t work out.

Dr. Andonuts was fine with having a kid with her because he saw it as cultivating a future investment; having another Andonuts to work with him in the lab once they grew up enough would do wonders with him in the scientific field. He didn’t really consider that his child will be their own thinking, feeling being with their own agendas.

Jeff’s mom did hang around for a few years raising and taking care of him, which is why he didn’t die from straight up neglect during early childhood, but she eventually got tired of being in an unfulfilling relationship esp. with the baby not helping to tie things together and just up and left one day without bothering to try to fight for custody. This happened before Jeff was mentally developed enough to gain any significant memories of her. While he can understand why she left, the fact that she did so without even trying to remain in his life through some method or another means that he’s entirely indifferent to her. This is worse than his feelings about Dr. Andonuts.

Dr. Andonuts raised Jeff for only six months before essentially chucking him into Snow Wood Boarding School. Those few months were... really terrible for both of them.

Despite the fact that Snow Wood is a boarding school, they have an age restriction for enrolling children in the boarding school program (8 years old, at minimum, though most start enrolling for the boarding program around age 11). Dr. Andonuts had enough influence both as a graduate and as a famous scientist that they were willing to make an exception for his son, who was enrolled at age 4.

Jeff did spend the first few months separated from Dr. Andonuts lashing out and exhibiting behavioral problems (y’know, on the account of being a neglected child), which the school diligently reported back to Dr. Andonuts. While he read the reports, he never once did reconsider his decision. As soon as Jeff realized that no matter what he did no one’s coming for him, he stopped acting out.

The reports the school filed got thinner over the years, until they could basically be summarized as “he’s doing fine” (which actually means not causing problems/being disruptive). The bedwetting comment that Dr. Andonuts makes on your second trip to Winters was the last significant thing that got reported back to him, and that was many years ago.

Because Dr. Andonuts is so famous and because Snow Wood Boarding School is his alma mater and because he left such a strong impression, even after graduating, lots of people (staff, students, faculty) make comparisons between the two of them. Dr. Andonuts and Jeff are alike in some regards (like being very driven, intelligent, and a bit eccentric) but considering the fact that comparing a child to his neglectful father is very *winces and sucks air through my teeth*, he sees it more as an insult than a compliment.

I’ve seen some headcanons that Jeff was causing lots of explosions/was getting into detention a lot/was known as this mad scientist around school, but I’ve personally never seen him like that. I’m not saying that he never invented anything (of course he did, he’s Jeff), but if your dad is known as this “super scientist guy” and you want to dodge comparisons between the two of you, then you’re gonna try to keep your interest for science on the down low. This means not enrolling in the science club he founded and keeping your outward interest in the subject as quiet as possible when you’re around others and inventing stuff in private and not showing off to others.

This also ties into my belief that Jeff was a rule follower at Snow Wood: not because he feared the consequences of causing problems or because he believed that rules were made to be adhered to (in fact, he’s stolen a bunch of stuff like mercury thermometers that the school was slated to throw out and did all sorts of dangerous stuff for the sake of science), but rather because he just didn’t want to stand out. He got very good at hiding his passions from the world.

Pre canon Jeff wished that he didn’t care so much about his relationship with his dad.

Post Stonehenge is when Dr. Andonuts first starts to realize that Jeff is his own person and that he might have missed out on something significant by shipping him off to Snow Wood.

The reason why Jeff remained with Dr. Andonuts in Saturn Valley post canon is 1) Snow Wood Boarding School temporarily shut down on the account of settling everything that happened with some of their students getting kidnapped and 2) Because his father extended interest in trying to work on their relationship. Jeff was giving him a chance.

Despite that though, their relationship can’t really be described as familial. They work well together, they like lots of the same things, they can have casual conversations about whatever insane thing they read in their favorite scientific magazine, but missing out on approximately 10 years of life together has left a deep gouge in their relationship that none of them are willing to address. While Dr. Andonuts might be willing to talk about more personal subjects with Jeff, Jeff would not do the same with his father.

While pre canon Jeff defined his life on dodging comparisons between him and his father as much as possible to the point that it prevented him from doing things that he wanted to, post canon Jeff isn’t hung up on this. He knows that he’s his own person, that he has people that care about who he is as a person (Tony, Maxwell, Ness, Paula, Poo), and that he’s not his father. If someone is approaching him with the expectations that he’d be a mini-Dr. Andonuts, then that’s their shame for being myopic. The fact that he starts inventing things publically without fear of being compared to his father is great for his character, but it’s absolutely menacing for all the staff at Snow Wood who were used to him being meek.

Dr. Andonuts and Jeff did end up collaborating on quite a few projects together and even ended up sharing a patent on the Instant Revitalizing Machine, among a few other things.

Two to three years in the future, when Dr. Andonuts got kidnapped by Porky, he isn’t able to leave a note explaining what happened to him nor are there any signs of struggle, so Jeff just assumes that Dr. Andonuts up and abandoned him. It was a very upsetting time for him because, from Jeff’s angle, it looked like Dr. Andonuts decided to go back on all the work that they both put into trying to reforge their relationship. Jeff didn’t even bother to look for him because he just assumed that his father decided not to bother to change.

Jeff did end up inheriting his father’s lab, all of his patents and blueprints for new machines, and his fortune. Jeff had the lab demolished, sorted through the blueprints to remove the more useful invention ideas from the eccentric ones designed to make money, sold most of the patents, and invested most of the money in philanthropy.

Jeff grew up, got married to Tony, and adopted and raised a happy family. His new laboratory was located in a small city where he willingly took on interns from the local university, and helped to bolster the careers of those around him. Most of his inventions focused on things that could help people, such as food printers, more efficient methods of harnessing nuclear energy, and robotic prosthetics that broke the boundary between the biotic and abiotic worlds. The patents for his inventions were incredibly cheap because he made his inventions to be shared with the world. Despite the importance of what he was creating, he remained incredibly modest and down to earth.

Some people might say that he did that to spite his father, a notorious recluse who’s inventions focused more on flashiness than on usefulness in the day-to-day world, but Jeff isn’t nearly so shallow. He merely saw what sort of man his father was and decided that he was a person not worth imitating. While he never reached the same levels of fortune and fame that his father did, he lived a long life and died happy and beloved.

Several hundred years in the future, Dr. Andonuts ends up on Nowhere Islands. He recognizes the blueprints for reconstruction projects on animals that break the boundary between living and machine; he recognizes the designs for the robots with advanced artificial intelligence and nuclear powered batteries: while they are reverse engineered from alien technology, Jeff always did have a distinct touch to his designs. If he knew to what ends his inventions were used for, Jeff would be spinning in his grave like he was centrifuged.

When Dr. Andonuts searches for more information regarding the fate of his son, he stumbles across a bibliography written about Jeff’s life written in collaboration with him. It covers his early life at Snow Wood Boarding School, a vague account of the War on Giygas with most of the grittiness as well as some secrets of the Earth scrubbed out, his life during university and graduating, his rise to fame and inspirations for his inventions, and some accounts about his personal life (with much respect to his husband’s and childrens’ privacy). There isn’t a single mention of his father in it.

[aspec-writers]

What makes a trope arophobic?

So, recently, I’ve seen some people saying that ‘x trope is arophobic’, and I figured I might as well put my hat in the ring. To do this, I’ll look at several common romance tropes that people might think are arophobic and evaluating them.

Of course, this is all just my opinion! The only thing I ask is that you be respectful :)

Friends to Lovers

So this is actually the trope that inspired this post. Someone claimed that friends to lovers is inherently arophobic. And at first glance, it might certainly seem so: a trope that has the characters go from friends to something “more”.

This criticism is valid, and there are a few ways that this trope can be executed arophobically. (Is that a verb? Well, I’m making it one.) For this example, I’ll use A and B to refer to the characters who are put in this trope, and any character beyond that (C, D, E, etc) will have their roll explained in the story.

Displaying that the bond between A and B is so strong that it must become romantic, or having the bond be the strongest in the story. I don’t think it’s hard to see the problem with this: it indicates that a strong enough friendship has to be romance, or that if characters are close enough, of course it results in romance.  Thankfully, midicating (edit: it’s actually spelled mitigate)this is easy enough: if you want to have a friends-to-lovers plot, but not be arophobic, just have other characters with equally strong (or stronger!) friendships than A and B had before they start falling for each other. For example, say we have two close friendships: A and B, and C and D. If you want A and B to do the friends-to-lovers trope, you should not insinuate that because of the romantic desires, their relationship is becoming better than C and D’s platonic one. Don’t go about showing that A and B are clearly in love because they care about the other person deeply. The solution is, in all honesty, easy. The problem with this trope is that it can devalue non-romantic bonds between people by having the romantic bond be the strongest, or otherwise insinuating that romantic bonds are stronger/better than non-romantic ones.

This goes along with #1, but phrases like ‘A couldn’t help it, they were only human!’ and ‘Well, of course they fell in love! That’s what being human is about!’ and ‘They were so close; how could they not be in love?’, whether coming from a character that’s not explicitly debunked as being wrong by the narrative or the narrative itself. (If a character says that, and then another character debunks them, and that debunking is clearly endorsed by the narrative, it’s not the story being arophobic, it’s the specific character being arophobic)

To summarize: the main problem with this trope is that it can present friendships as less than romance, so to avoid being arophobic with the trope, simply don’t devalue friendships in this way.

Soulmates

Honestly, I shouldn’t even have to explain the problem with this one. There might be a way to present this in a way that doesn’t value romance about everything else, but if there is, I haven’t seen it.

I honestly haven’t read a lot of things with soulmates actually in them, so this is going more off of how it’s always executed than the trope itself. I’ve seen friends-to-lovers dynamics that aren’t arophobic. I’ve never heard of a soulmate story that’s not arophobic.

So: the main problem I’ve seen is that it implies that having a romantic partner completes you and is your other half.

This is cut-and-dry: anything that tries to say anything of the sort, unless it is clearly debunked by the narrative (this is a common caveat here) is arophobic.

It perpetuates the idea that there is someone for everyone, soulmate stories completely ignore arospec people, and they engage in arophobic ideas, including the concept that romance is the best form of intimacy.

Villain Who Doesn’t Feel Love (aka Evil Aro)

No. Just. No.

This trope is so disgusting and there is literally no way to make this non-arophobic. In all honesty, the only time this trope should be used, in my opinion, is by an arospec person with the intention to deconstruct it. Alloros should never use this.

This. Trope. Is. Horrible.

It isn’t like friends to lovers, or even soulmates. It’s so much worse.

It’s important to note that this trope only applies to characters who are evil because they can’t feel romantic attraction, or if they’re the only character in the story who doesn’t.

True Love Saves the Day

No explanation required. The world is saved because of two character’s romantic connection being strong enough to overpower the villains?

Not only is this incredibly likely to dip into Evil Aro (Read: villains are evil because they can’t feel romantic love) territory, it’s also incredibly amatonormative and arophobic, because it’s saying that love is a requirement. Specifically romantic love, but I digress.

We don’t need any more prioritization or glorification of romantic love in stories. We’ve seen it our entire lives, and we don’t need to see any more media insinuating that romantic connection is the best and that if we can’t feel it, we’re somehow missing out on something incredibly important. We’re not.

I might look at more of these romance-oriented tropes later, and I might also look at acephobic tropes, but I saw a post that inspired this and so I wanted to discuss a few things.

I looked at four tropes, and what I’ve gathered is that the main reason a trope is arophobic is because of the way it glorifies romantic love as being the strongest, most important, goodest, and best connection someone could experience. It ignores the existence of arospec people and sends the message that we’re missing something vital to life when we simply aren’t.

We just don’t feel romantic attraction that much, if at all, and it isn’t evil.

It just is.

[hypnomicimagines]

The Past is the Past [Yamada Ichiro]

You had thought you left that relationship behind you.

Technically, you didn’t even consider it an actual relationship. To summarize it in the crudest manner possible the man you had formerly been seeing was nothing more than a glorified fuck buddy, and even in those moments he barely managed to meet your expectations. It was a moment of weakness more than anything and you hated to admit to it, hated that this man tried to hold your sexual relationship over your head as though it meant anything more than it did. You don’t think he was in love with you by any stretch of the imagination but it was about the control he wanted to exert over you, the guilt he wanted you to feel thinking he was depressed that he had to spend his nights alone.

In fact, you could remember a time where you had gotten annoyed about him ditching you last second (since you wasted time getting ready) and he had come at you like you were an obsessive freak. That moment was what had you calling it quits on your relationship with him, but thankfully your bed had barely gotten cold before you found your next warmer.

Perhaps he was a little more to you than that.

You laughed as his brothers both took off into the crowd, two different people who had two different objectives in mind to enjoy the festival to the fullest. Ichiro stayed solidly by your side though he looked exasperated at how his little brothers were acting, giving you an apologetic look though you didn’t mind. They had argued the entire walk there about what would be the most fun to do and after not agreeing, had decided to take off and prove they were having the most fun doing their specific activity. You can’t begin to fathom HOW they’re going to judge that particular contest but that wasn’t your biggest concern right now nor was it Ichiro’s.

“Where should we go first?” Ichiro looked like a kid in a candy store as he looked out over the festival, eyeing a game with some interesting prizes that might look good in your arms. You wonder when the last time he ever let himself have fun was but it was too sad to dwell on for long, knowing the bigger implications were that Ichiro never really had a childhood to begin with. From getting a job at such a young age to caring for his brother on his own, he… “Hey!”

“Sorry!” You bowed your head in apology but Ichiro’s light-hearted laughter brought you back into your good mood, hooking arms with your totally-not-boyfriend even though he certainly should be at that point. You had been ‘dating’ for quite some time now, a relationship with no commitments though you weren’t seeing anyone else (and you were positive Ichiro wasn’t either); it had been in a weird limbo that you didn’t want to blame on commitment issues but were certainly because of commitment issues. “Why don’t we eat something good first? And then you can show off for me at that goldfish game.”

Ichiro had no complaints and led you to a nearby stall, your heart fluttering in your chest as he held it up to your face to feed you. His other hand was waiting to catch any excess food that might fall, a doting move that had you tumbling even further into the hypothetical love hole you found yourself in. You didn’t like that you had picked that name but since you would never utter those words out loud, you simply dealt with your inability to name things in a less awkward way.

“Did it taste good?”

“Why don’t you tell me?”

You enjoyed the surprised look on his face as you held up the snack to him to take a bite out of, having to admit that he looked cute when he was flustered like that. The evening was off to a beautiful start, a date that was full of an energy unlike any of the other ones. Ichiro was the type of man you felt you could truly enjoy yourself around, where you could be yourself without having to worry about fitting into a specific stereotype until you’d locked him in. He wanted you just as you were and you wanted him as he was, even if you had to admit he was as close to being the perfect man as he could possibly be.

“Should’ve known I’d see you here whorin’ around with someone else.”

You didn’t even know you were being addressed at first, too absorbed in the way Ichiro looked while he was concentrating at the game in front of him. You only realized it once you’re pulled back abruptly, stumbling and grabbing onto Ichiro in surprise. He whipped around with lightning speed, arm wrapped around your middle as he pulled you back to his side and away from your assailant. In another unfortunate moment, Jiro and Saburo came running back, arguing as they did so but quieting down once they sensed the atmosphere.

“Why won’t you respond to my phone calls? My texts? This dude why?” He looked Ichiro up and down as though he could possibly stand a chance against him and so far he’s stayed silent, carefully assessing the situation as he kept you close to him. “I suddenly ain’t good enough for you?”

“What’s there to be so mad about? Weren’t we just friends?”

“Talk to me like that again—” His arm flexed like he was going to swing but you find yourself on the backline now, completely shielded from any oncoming danger.

The three Yamada brothers standing defensively in front of you tugged at your heartstrings, your grip on Ichiro’s arm tightening. You didn’t want the younger two to hear the disgusting things that might be spewing out of his mouth if this confrontation continued, you didn’t want their view of you to be colored by a world they didn’t quite understand (and that it wasn’t your business to explain to them). Ichiro had the same idea, calling out to Jiro then Saburo, nodding behind him to show it was time for them to back off. As much as your ‘ex’ wanted to continue shouting it was all too easy to lose him in the crowd once you got deeper into the festival grounds, exiting on the other side once you were positive the coast was clear.

“Who was that guy anyway?” Jiro asked as he fixed his hat, looking back with a scowl. “Seemed like a real jerk.”

“He was.” Ichiro agreed, looking to Saburo to see if the youngest in the group was unharmed. “You shouldn’t put yourselves in harms way like that. What if something happened?”

“Well, we couldn’t let anything happen to them, right? You wouldn’t so why should we have to sit back?”

“Jiro’s right about something for once.” Saburo agreed, Jiro looking quite proud before he realized what a backhanded compliment it was. “You told us to protect the people we care about and… and…”

Saburo is suddenly flustered and Jiro joined him in being embarrassed, knowing his thoughts had been along the same line (he just hadn’t spoken them out loud). You and Ichiro both shared a surprised look as you hadn’t realized how fond of you they really were, your heart once again overwhelmed with a hurricane of intense emotions. You reached out to wrap your arms around both of them in a tight hug, crying out something or other about how ridiculously cute they are. Ichiro watched with a smile as his brothers grew even more sheepish at your affection, noting that they both were still awkwardly patting your back to return the gesture in their own way.

Once you’ve returned to the Yamada household Jiro and Saburo said their goodnights, probably just as exhausted by the evenings events as you were. Ichiro invited you to sit on the couch beside him and you did so after changing into casual attire, leaning into his arms to experience the comfort you had craved for the past few hours.

“I’m guessing tonight would be a bad night to make it official?” Ichiro asked awkwardly.

“You were gonna… ask me out at the festival? Wait, I bet it was gonna be right before the fireworks, right? Just in case I said no and we could enjoy one last beautiful moment before my potential rejection.”

“I know I read a lot of light novels but I’m not that cliché,” Ichiro grinned, leaning over to kiss your cheek. “But… maybe. That would be a good hypothetical plan.”

“It would be… I really would’ve liked that. To have a moment under the fireworks with you.” You leaned over to return the affection, lips brushing against his cheek. “But my answer is yes, romantic fireworks present or not.”

“R-Really?” As much confidence as he had shown you throughout the night this is the first moment you’d ever seen him falter like that; you really would have to cherish that cute wide-eyed look on his face as you had a feeling it would be rarity.

“Yes, really. I would be some type of idiot to turn you down.”

“Nah, not an idiot.” Ichiro leaned in to press his lips against yours, savoring the feeling of your body pressing against his. “We should get some sleep, tonight was exhausting…”

“Are you sure sleep is what’s on your mind, baby?” Your sultry tone is noted immediately, Ichiro’s cheeks darkening at your implications. “Why don’t we make our way up to your bedroom and we’ll see how much sleep we’ll get tonight.”

[penelopeminded]

Aisha said we'll be getting a tougher and more rugged Tara in the revival. What are your thoughts on that? I'm hoping Tara gets more fleshed out cause she was so underutilized in season 15 but I'm still wary about it considering what the writers came up with for the other characters in the revival

i am so sorry it took so long to answer this but i wanted to read (and annotate) the article before i said anything lol so i'm also going to use this as a chance to talk all about tara from the article

i think this is so interesting and i love tara so much. aisha said she's going to be tougher, more rugged, and more intense. tara is already tough and determined so her character is definitely going to be like 2.0. i want to focus on rugged though because based on google definitions, i also correlate that with like, tiring or just being tired. hold this thought.

aisha also talks a lot about her relationships and also like sacrifice and hardship AND joy so:

hardship first. i'm summarizing but basically "is tara gonna be able to keep her personal relationships (probably not just romantic) after what's been a really difficult two years for everybody." this is so intriguing to me and i think she's hinting at like tara having a really rough time being isolated like a lot of us did. i also don't think we'd necessarily expect that from tara so it'd be cool to see that and definitely possible if the writers were thinking at all. she says tara is very self sufficient and it hasn't really taxed her relationship with the bau (the team, i'm assuming) but maybe she's saying this as like an in the past thing so she's hinting at what we'll see later.

later in the interview, she also says the show in three words would be "joy against darkness." mm hello?? i think this applies to aisha as an actress coming back to cm and tara just being in the world again. maybe i'm reading too much into it but my theory is that tara was super depressed during the pandemic (same bestie) but that will be what makes her even tougher and more intense.

i really hope this answers your question!

i'm gonna continue though on MORE theories about the reboot and tara specifically. aisha says "we had more stories; our characters had more to communicate, accomplish, and more evolution to be engaged in." obviously this is a reference to the title but come on. characters had more evolution? she's gay 100% !! aisha is very outspoken about social issues, as she should be, so the "communicate" part could definitely be referencing like more stories and people and ideas than in the past! please

that, and she focuses more than almost anyone on her character's relationships?! sacrifice, family life, leaving relationships, sustaining relationships. tara lewis get a gf challenge. i'm definitely reaching here but she talks about personal and professional relationships, when just a minute ago she said her bau relationships haven't struggled. chief emily prentiss who??

[manchesterau]

my thoughts after reading my policeman: SPOILERSS of course!! (ignore spelling or grammar mistakes) (this is very ramble-y and not as in depth as it could have been sorrryyy lol, if you want specifics send me an ask after reading this)

okay...so i read the book in 3 days....which....im very proud of myself bc it takes me so long to finish books but that’s not why you are reading this.

im not going to lie to you...i liked the book. i love angst, and this had plenty of it and i liked it. if you like books such as: harry potter, six of crows, red queen, red white and royal blue you will not like this book. i know many people found it boring, which yeah i can see that, but i didn't find it boring at all. but mostly because i love boring books but that's beside the point. 

the book flowed easily, there isn't a bunch of raunchy sex scenes that ive seen people say it has (i...the things ive read idk what book they even read????) and Tom does has backward views on marriage and what it means to be a wife. but he is not overtly sexist or misogynist or abusive, or subvertly those things either. to be frank he's a scared gay man in the 50s trying to not get caught and thrown in jail. that's literally it. (ill go more into detail on him later). but if you want to read this book i recommend you go in knowing that there will be homophobia (the word queer is used as a slur....3 times or 4 but no more than 5), expect outing, expect not supportive characters, and remember to have some compassion (more on this later).

next i want to go into characters: starting with tom, then Marion, then Patrick, and then the other characters. so if you are planning on reading this book or just dont want to be spoiled them....don't read the next bit.

Tom:

I'm going to get this out of the way.........Tom (who we never get to know outside of the two-point of views we are presented with, and who is being played by Harry) is a police officer in the 50s UK. to be frank when the rumors first went around I was mad like a lot of people were, which is funny because when we got those pictures of harry reading the book before all the speculation we were....happy, that he was reading a book about a gay man. now...I don't care honestly. I could call out the hypocrites (i won't) and honestly I'm hypocritical myself. I use to watch shows like svu (if you were to turn it on right now I wouldn't turn it off) and I enjoyed watching svu. I know and have seen a lot of mutuals, people on my dash enjoy cop shows like b99, or who like actors who have played the character of police before. so it would be hypocritical of me to be mad at him (this is just my single black opinion) and then go and turn on svu (which I don't do anymore). 

I'm not saying that no one can be mad, I'm not saying that the anger people have at him playing this role is bad or not needed or valid. all I'm saying is.....is that I don't care. I got angry over this months ago, and all that anger I felt I don't have anymore, and I can't tell you why. Harry is playing an abusive demented husband who traps his wife in a simulation, and then he will play a gay policeman trying not to face persecution..........and that's that. nothing I can say will reach him, he's playing these roles and there is nothing I can do. will I watch them (pirating of course) yes.

anyways let's get back to tom's character (do not use my opinion to silence other black people I will find you....don't do that shit weirdo): tom is......tom?? like I literally was expecting the worst when I read this because of what other people had to say. but as I'm reading him through the eyes of Marion (his wife) and through the eyes of Patrick (his...true love, fuck the 50s I hate the 50s) one word came to mind constantly: scared. Tom is very scared that he will be found out and his life will be ruined. His family knows about him, which is why I think his father (more on him later) pushed him to be in the national service (where he was a cook, which disappointed him). you don't realize his family knows and then his sister says something and then you go 'wait....THEY KNEW???' and then you will go 'oh so that's why-' 

tom does have old fashion views that you would expect of any man at that time (gay or not it's the 50s and gay men are still capable of saying sexist shit). when asked by Patrick if women should still work after having a kid he said no it's the men's job to provide, Marion said she would like to keep working, he said no when they do have a baby (they literally never did, and idk why he thought he could be intimate with her for that long to produce a baby lol). that's....the most sexist thing he said in the whole book (there maybe some small things im forgetting but nothing that really stood out). that's it. I know it's not small and that was a legitimate issue in the 50s but yeah. Just in case you were apprehensive about Tom's character being a raging woman-hater, no,....he just wasn't a true feminist yet (???? I don't know that's like..the most this book says about an issue women were facing at this time). It's still bad what he said (you'll see how Marion justifies it in the book and both Patrick and her don't agree and try and challenge him on his view).

i dont want to go too in depth but it is very obvious from the beginning he has no and i mean ZEROOOO interest in her at all (you can tell when it hits him that he needs a wife and he starts to act a littleee different but it's not romantic at alll). 

i feel like my review on tom is shit but like!! we don't really get to know him without bias from Patrick and Marion. I think Harry will play a wonderful Tom (even tho he doesn't not fit the description for Tom...at all....like at alllll).

To summarize Tom: very scared gay man from the 50s who is trying to do everything he can to not be found out. his family knows, even he knew at a young age, and yes he does quit being a police officer but it doesn't happen as soon as id like but then again he wasn't one for that long if you pay attention to the years.

Marion:

😑 

i just...if yall could see the notes i made on her.....

To summarize Marion: SHE IS LIVING IN LALA LAND, TOM LITERALLY SHOWS HER NO ROMANTIC INTEREST AT ALLL, AND WHEN SHE METS PATRICK FOR THE FIRST TIME SHE FREAKING NOTICES THAT HE'S ALL BLUSH-Y AND SHIT LIKE...GIRL.....

this is a note i wrote that sums up her and tom's relationship (which is more like friends then anything romantic i mean god their honeymoon was horrible and he proposed to her....nvm 😑)

listen...i can't lie and say i didn't feel sorry for her up until the end when she (spoilers: she outs patrick to his employer which ends up with him getting arrested). after that...ive never hated a character more in my fucking LIFEEEE like oh my god i was pissed

all she does is have fantasies about him being romantic with her (holding hands, hugging, etc) and none of them come true...BECAUSE HES GAYYYYYY i really....the author could have done a better job because there were so many damn red flags.

she's fucking annoying and whiny and yeah it sucked to be a woman in the 50s but you literally outed someone your husband was in love with and thought that you could just go back to being married like he's not devastated and instead of telling what you did you stayed unhappy and made your husband thing that at any point they were coming for him too.......*****

Patrick:

PATRICKKKKK

Patrick and tom deserved a fighting fucking chance i hate the fuck 50s fuck you 50s!!!! I absolutely LOVEDDD his pov and seeing Tom through his pov like it was just so damn refreshing seeing the world through his eyes and how he navigates his queerness in the society they live in. (the dichotomy between a proud gay man and a scared maybe proud but fear overrules that (talking about Tom here) gay man).

There was a lot more to say on how gay men were being persecuted at this time than how women were treated in this particular book. There were some little things here and there about what was expected of Marion as a wife and of a girl/woman at that time but it wasn't the focus.

I loved seeing the way Patrick navigated through his world of art and creativity. And how Tom seemed to fit right in with him.

I hate the things the author made Patrick go through (outed, sent to prison, stripped of his job, and later on in the present day he has had 2 strokes in his 70s). it felt a bit much but it's not too distracting (Patricks pov takes place in the past as he writes in his journal). 

Patrick and Julia (more on her later) are my two favorites in the whole book (Tom is third bc he's a very multi-facted character, Marion is not even on the list) and I wish we got a lot more of Patrick's pov.

Other characters!! (speed round bc this is wayyy too long):

Syvlie (Tom's sister): SYVLIEEE IM MAD AT YOUU I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WHYY WHYYY

Julia: JULIAAAAA QUEEENNN (you'll see why i love her at the end) 

Tom's parents: his father is abusive point-blank. or at least i think he's abusive (verbally). as im writing this i am now realizing that the way Tom's mom reacts to him (sometimes crying) is bc they knew he was gay omg wow.

tom's dad is very much a man's man guy?? Picture a sexist man from the 50s....now picture him with a gay son.....yeah, I'm not surprised Tom went into national service then to the police force. you can tell he didn't want anyone to find out about Tom so he pushed him to do what he thought best and Tom went with it, scared. 

overall: please do not go into this book expected things to be all flowers and rainbows...this is a book about two gay men in the 50s yall.....

there is something to be said about the tragedy that is in a lot of queer stories, I'm more interested in how white these stories are (that's a rant for another time). but I don't mind my policeman, and i think stories like this should be told. because this actually happened (here is a link to em forster's story where the author takes inspiration from, he really had an affair with a policeman!!! who had a wife!!!).

the ending is bittersweet, and i couldn't help but curse for what could have been. Marion could have not outed Patrick (which she instantly regretted), she could have gotten a divorce (she even contemplated it), they could have been more secretive, Julia could have not said what she said. I think Patrick and Tom were sadly doomed from the start, I just wish they had more time together because I loved seeing their love (the little glimpse we got) bloom into something bigger than them.

thank you for reading!! here are random screenshots of my notes as i read this lol enjoy!!

can’t*

[polandspringz]

YO 12. animeys that should get more attention? (this may or may be not me also asking for recs lol)

THANK YOU FOR AN ASK! Alright I love that I'm already blanking on this when I spent 99% of my time yelling at my friends to watch things, lol. I'll do my best to give out good recommendations though!

(This is in no particular order)

1. The Duke of Death and His Black Maid

THIS SHOW. Okay so this is an anime that is airing this season (Summer 2021) that I didn't expect to like. It has a lot of what people consider "fanservice" but after reading most of the manga and seeing how the anime handles it, I don't really consider it to be "for the fans"? The plot is that the firstborn son of this rich family in a Victorian-like era has been cursed by a witch since he was a young boy that any organism he touches, even through fabric like gloves or clothes, will die. Because of this, he has been sentenced to living alone at a separate estate with only two servants, an old man who has been serving the family for generations, and the boy's childhood friend who is now his maid. It's a romantic comedy with a good focus on the actual mystery of it's story, trying to find the witch who cursed the boy nearly a decade later and get her/or find a way to undo it. The reason I brought up the fanservice issue before is that the story starts off with the Duke and his maid, Alice, already in a relationship, or having confessed their feelings, and since Alice knows she cannot touch the Duke, she likes to "tease" him from afar. Despite normally disliking shows where characters "flash" themselves, in this case I find that it is done with a purpose in this series as it helps shape the Duke and Alice's relationship. Don't get me wrong, sometimes there are scenes where I'm like "really? Did we need this?" but that's rare. The anime is CGI which is another reason I think people are staying away from it, but believe me, do not let the CGI discourage you. It does have some animation issues with its background characters, but the CG for the main characters combined with the backgrounds that look like they were storybook pages painted on a canvas make for a very enchanting world. The story of the Duke and Alice continues to surprise me and melt my heart and if you go and read through the manga since the anime likely won't adapt all of it, you are in for one very good, well thought out mystery involving witches and magic.

2. Servamp

This is sadly going to be another series where I'll say "go read the manga if you want more!" because it was a 12 episode adaption a few years ago so there is a SLIM chance of there being a season 2, but I don't think it's out of the question. (The anime aired in 2016 and the author went on hiatus in 2017 and it's a monthly series so releases are slow- I could see them doing another season when the manga finishes MAYBE???) Anyway- Servamp is a vampire manga published in a Shoujo magazine, however, despite the how it may look at first glance, I don't think anyone should be lumping this show into some title like "Tumblr Fangirl Fujoishi Bait" (I'm using this term because I'm mad that an anituber I like used it when talking about another vampire anime, Vanitas no Carte). Servamp DOES have an almost all male cast (the almost because the female characters don't appear until later or are side characters in the manga), but I truly feel like you could read this series and be able to enjoy it from a non-romantic relationship perspective, or at least a relationship without labels and just people who trust one another deeply.

Guess I should summarize now: This is a very trope heavy story in certain ways. Mahiru is a high schooler who just likes things "simple" and will repeat this theme throughout the story, but of course his simple life gets thrown out the window when he adopts a stray cat and names it, unaware that he has picked up a vampire, a SPECIAL type of vampire. Servamps are seven vampires all based off the seven deadly sins, and are essentially the "top" vampires or the origins of all other vampires (lesser ones are their subclasses), and are actually humanoid and only turn into their animal forms when in sunlight. Servamp stands for "Servant + Vampire", and this is because once they form a contract with a human, their "eve", they can drink their blood but have to obey their orders. In the story, this translates to Kuro, the Servamp of Sloth, being forced to help Mahiru with situations he would rather not deal with, such as a war between vampires when a mysterious 8th Servamp, Tsubaki, appears and starts causing chaos.

I may sound sarcastic, but I genuinely really like this series, so I feel like I can joke about it. What I've realized while re-reading the manga is that while the anime does rush through the plot (trying to cover as many things from each volume as it can) it seems like the anime chose to focus on the relationship between Kuro & Mahiru more than the mystery and fight with Tsubaki (which they knew in 12 episodes they couldn't cover/complete anyway since it was just starting). Kuro is the eldest Servamp and as you watch you learn he has the most sins on his shoulders, and his attitude of "it's too much of a pain" to get out of explaining anything to Mahiru or warning him about what he knows helps the story of course in that everything is a new surprise (like that there are people who can use magic in the world too, or that there is a neutral organization that has always existed between vampires and humans), but it also helps to build his character, acting as a wall he puts up to not face his past. And when I said this series is trope heavy, again do not take that as a negative. I always LOVE when I read a series and think "wow, this is such a common thing. I swear I've seen this EXACT story done before" but then realize I CANNOT think of what it may be copying, because the story I just read did everything perfectly/outdid any comparison. I don't know if it's in the anime or not, but Misono, the Eve of Lust, and his full character arc was perhaps my FAVORITE thing in the entire series.

Lastly, while Servamp doesn't stand out with it's paneling, as in its no CSM or WHA or HnK in making full use of it's panels to elevate its story into a higher art or something, the series does take advantage of its manga medium well. (I know this post is about anime but let me have this). And I think this is only something you will notice if you (obviously) read it and really are into it. The anime does a good job though adapting the unique art style of Strike Tanaka though, and I still love the ending theme and how all the Eves and Servamps dance, even if the animation isn't like Kekkai Sensen's ending, it's still charming and I go back and watch it to this day. Again, this is a vampire manga, but even though half the time there is one dude biting the other dude, it's not a focus of the series with close ups on characters like "reacting" to the bites or anything, so I think that's why the relationship with Kuro and Mahiru doesn't feel like it's being baited or anything. More often than not Kuro DOESN'T want to drink blood because it means he has to fight, which makes it a much easier read/watch than if you decided to put on something like Diabolik Lovers.

3. Barakamon

This is an anime that is SUPER close to my heart. I think the manga keeps going but this is a single cour anime that you can just consume and move on from, the story is wrapped up really nicely by the ending. I like to group this series into the category of “refreshing” or “healing” anime, and it’s definitely something to watch during the summer to get you into that mood of longing to live or move to an island (or just the Japanese countryside).

Barakamon is about a young calligrapher, Handa Seishu, who gets pissed about what the judge at the calligraphy competition said about his work and punched the guy. Due to the incident, his father forced Handa to move to a small village on a remote island in Japan so he could “cool his head”. While Handa is intent to do just that and focus on working on his next big calligraphy piece, he unfortunately has to deal with everyone on the island bothering him, on behalf of the fact that it is rare they get a “city boy” and also that all the children just find Handa the “cool adult” who is fun to tease. The series is mainly focused on Handa and his friendship with a child named Naru, who always is breaking into his house and then making him follow after her. Despite his initial annoyance, Handa ends up finding the inspiration he needs through his time on the island and the experiences he shares with all these characters.

This is a very relaxing series with comedic moments, but it is truly heartwarming and the music is AMAZING. The opening is still one of my top of all time, it actually helped me discover one of my favorite Japanese bands, and the ending is done in a beautiful watercolor animation style that compliments the emotion of the song so well. As a bonus, the children are voiced by actual children! (At least Naru is, I recall).

4. Natsume Yuujinchou/Natsume’s Book of Friends

Okay. So if you follow me you have seen me post about this anime. If Barakamon was an example of the “refreshing/healing” genre of anime then Natsume Yuujinchou is one of the poster children for it. If you like stories about yokai and Japanese folklore, this show has it. If you like stories where a kid has the ability to see said yokai/spirits and is orphaned and thus misunderstood and passed around through households and implied to have been abused/neglected until he finally ends up at the one place he can call home and must begin the slow healing process to learn to trust and let people help and care for him, then THIS IS THE SERIES FOR YOU.

I first heard about this series when it’s 6th season was airing. I believe I saw it listed in Anichart but because I hadn’t watched the other seasons yet, I ignored it. Then in school, a girl who found out I liked anime mentioned the title to me, but I didn’t recognize it. THEN, I watched the OVAs for The Ancient Magus Bride and saw the premiere of that anime in theaters, and sought out shows with a similar premise (character can see spirits and is orphaned, etc.) and saw Natsume Yuujinchou appear in the recommendations.

And now it is one of my favorite series of all time.

I basically summarized it before, lol. This is a very episodic “monster of the week” series following a high school boy, Natsume Takashi, who can see yokai and has lived his whole life tormented by them. He didn’t understand why until one day he discovers a notebook left behind by his grandmother, Natsume Reiko, which is full of names of yokai. Thus, Natsume discovers through the help of a lucky cat yokai, whose true form is a very powerful spirit, nicknamed Nyanko-Sensei, that Reiko took the names of all the yokai she beat and wrote them down, which would have given her power over all of them. Because she died without returning their names, all the yokai have been coming after Natsume mistaking HIM for his grandmother. The story focuses on each episode a new yokai comes to Natsume asking for their name back, or they enlist him in helping them on some task, like finding another spirit who they were separated from, or delivering a message to a human they loved. This is a series that I swear by as one that will “almost make you cry every episode, but never go far enough”. But that could have just been me- it certainly does feel less of a monster of the week anime when every episode you manage to connect with each new spirit to the point that you feel their sadness and anguish. This pain is doubled on episodes focused soley on Natsume’s past or how his foster parents, the Fujiwaras, came to learn about him, or how his friends managed to help him open up.

Like I said, as of right now, there are SIX seasons of this show. There are two movies, but only one is available to be found translated I think (thanks to wonderful people in this fandom). I’m certain with it’s popularity in Japan, and since the second film came out this year, it will probably get a seventh season or SOMETHING. Also, like Barakamon, this is a series that is known for it’s ending themes being animated in watercolor. Likewise, the music in this series is fantastic, but again, the main draw to me is the story of Natsume and just seeing him over the course of the show gain friends, learn to trust, and learn to not fear being sent away again or neglected anymore now that he lives with people who love him.

5. Mairimashita! Iruma-kun!/Welcome to Demon School! Iruma-kun!

Okay, this! So this is an anime with two seasons right now, and if it gets a third and fourth it will beat My Hero Academia’s Festival arc is all I will say about the manga. This is a show that at first glance you might have seen people say “oh it’s got Blue Deku”, but please believe me. Iruma is not just a copy of Deku from BNHA. He is a very well written character with his own struggles that are completely different from Deku.

This show is kind of an isekai? Only in technicality. The story follows Suzuki Iruma, Age 14 (fans of the series will realize I sound like I have the opening narration memorized from that). His entire life he was used by his parents to earn money, forced to do every odd job imaginable and barely in school or barely able to enjoy life. Despite this, he is a cheery, optimistic human who of course, is unable to say no. I say human because Iruma’s parents finally decide to just sell him to make money, and end up selling him to a demon, who instead of eating him or his soul, asks to adopt Iruma as his grandson so he can brag to his other older friends about him. Iruma accepts to escape the life and death situation and ends up enrolled in Babyls, the school that his grandfather is the chairman of. This series follows Iruma as he makes friends at school, learns how to just be a kid and that it’s okay to live and do what he wants (similar to Natsume but with a much more cheery filter over it, hiding the sad moments so your unsuspecting), and also the mystery about what happened to previous Demon King who went missing one day, and who is qualified to fill the throne (and isn’t there a mysterious legend about the next demon king coming from another world and making allies of everyone...?)

I joke about it being an isekai but it’s not really. It just is when you think about it, it falls into that category since Iruma does get “spirited away” in a sense. The real fun of this series is that no one can know Iruma is a human or they will eat him, and so he constantly must hide that, and as the series goes on we delve into more serious aspects of what being a human in the netherworld means, such as what the actually consequences would be if he was found out and returned to his world, and ideas that demons can be the most human, but sometimes humans can be the most evil or demon-like people of all. This is a series that is still relatively underground outside of Japan since it has not had an official English release yet and gets overshadowed heavily by BNHA, but DO NOT SLEEP ON IT. It is starting to rise quickly with season 2 finishing up it’s airing soon, and once it blows up I guarantee it will blow up.

Thank you for the ask! You can probably notice a trend across all my recommendations and see the type of stories I go for but I tried to recommend series that all have a different tone despite similarities, so I hope if you do check any of them out you find one you enjoy!

[thefledglingdm]

Umm can I request directors commentary for literally any Leopika fic you’ve written??? Love your stuff!

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

ahhahaha thank you so much! yes, absolutely! this is going to be long, because i have decided to do that scene in light of my life, pain of my ass. beware LONG BULLSHIT and spoilers below the cut!

ok to set the scene. i was TERRIFIED to write this part. because this is the climax, you know? we've had 150k words of build-up and emotional tension to this scene. while this has been a romantic story, this is the actual climax of the story. we've spent all this time in kurapika's head as he's dealt with his anxiety, his need for control, his fear of letting go. how he's changed as he's opened up his heart and his life to people outside. and finally he's actually working through all of his emotions and the progress he's made out loud, in front of everyone. and because he forgot about giving his speech until like five minutes before (sorry, kp), he is forced to speak from the heart.

For five agonizing seconds, Kurapika stood alone in the middle of a silent room. Above him, the string lights coalesced into a single shared point of soft white light that illuminated his space.

i so wish this could be adapted to, like, netflix or made into a movie. i put so much into this imagery. the play on light? the cinnamon topography? *chef's kiss* yes please netflix CALL ME.

Everyone in his life was staring at him expectantly, Pairo and Altair and Gon and Killua and Nanika and Alluka and Kalluto and his parents. And approximately a hundred other people on top of that, extended family on both sides, industry insiders, coworkers. All staring at him and waiting for him to say something amazing and powerful and deep about love and what did Kurapika know about love, anyway? He was a thirty-two year old trans man so terrified of his own emotions, so paralyzed by his fear of loss, that he did not figure out he was in love with his best friend until three weeks ago.

this is me screwing the knife in deeper for poor kurapika, sorry. this is so incredibly horrifying for a person with anxiety, as someone with anxiety. behold, the terrifying ordeal of being known.

Five seconds. Kurapika finally found Leorio standing near the back, leaning against the bar. He wondered if Leorio picked the same spot where they sat together the very first time they came here on purpose. Leorio sent him a wink and a thumbs-up.

the terrifying ordeal of being known and being so, so loved anyway. it was great to write in a way that showed leorio realized he was in love with kurapika first (indeed, realized that kurapika was in love with him before kurapika knew himself), because these little interactions shows so much how leorio is inviting and allowing kurapika to come to him on his own time. and supporting him the whole way, because they are friends!!!!

Breathe, Kurapika thought. Just breathe. It’s going to be okay.

this statement was not supposed to be a running theme/motif, but i'm super glad it did! i wrote it as a one-off line for melody, but then i was like, hang on, that's kinda good? every other time i write i'm like, hey, you could make a theme out of this!

“Um,” Kurapika started, his voice cracking. Christ, he sounded seventeen again. He cleared his throat.

my friends told me about how their voices changed and dropped on T. any trans person is stronger and more powerful than any us marine.

“For those of you who may not know, I’m Pairo’s brother. Kurapika. His older one, just to be clear.”

this is definitely something that has happened like a hundred times.

There was a smattering of chuckles around the room. He twisted to look at Pairo. “I’ve known Pairo since he was a toddler dragging a ragged, threadbare T-Rex plushie around behind him. I was there when he read his first chapter book on his own – Dino Hunter, of course – because he came bursting into my room at two o’clock in the morning to tell me about it.” Another round of laughter. “I was there when he got his first notebook, when he won his first writing contest, when he was published in his first magazine. I was the first person he told about liking boys instead of girls. I’ve watched him grow and learn and fall in love. And now Altair is part of our family, too.”

pairo and kurapika's lives as brothers were amazing. dino hunter is a reference to the book they both read in the manga that led to kurapika wanting to leave the kurta and explore the world.

i also thought that writing fit pairo well because it's a pretty accessible career for his eyes. he could type, he could enhance the screen and font when he needed, and he could do talk-to-type. one day i want to write a side-story of when pairo and altair met, because i have it perfectly formulated in my head and it's adorable.

Kurapika took a deep breath, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. He confessed, “To be perfectly honest, I was scared when Pairo asked me to do this, because I’ve run out of things to teach him. He’s run on ahead of me in life. Settled down, moved in with his boyfriend – now husband, congratulations on that by the way – and gotten married, while I’m perpetually single and living alone in my loft apartment with an absolutely spoiled monster of a cat. Stop laughing, that wasn’t supposed to be a joke.”

emperor the cat was also not intended to be a character. i came up with him like, right before i started writing the chapter.

i think it was hard for kurapika to watch his brother fall in love and move on ahead in life. even if he was genuinely happy for them both. i had a conversation with a coworker a few months ago where we both talked about how we feel like we are "behind," even though we're both very accomplished. she felt like she was "behind" because i have a master's degree; i felt like i was "behind" because she was happily married and already had a child on the way (who is here and beautiful and perfect). and i imagine kurapika wondered if he was falling behind or missing something when he saw his brother succeed in love and business without really trying.

but there's no competition at all, of course. the world spins on, and we grow and change and find our place in our own time. there's no race.

The room quieted again. Kurapika went on, his eyes flicking over the crowd. He was starting to smile, too, now.

he's starting to realize this is okay, he's not going to mess up, he may actually have something worthwhile to say or share. he's getting more comfortable in all this.

“But I’m also a wedding planner – I know, ironic – and I’ve learned a lot about love from my clients. So if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to share some of those lessons now.”

No one from the back shouted at him to shut the fuck up, that he didn’t have a single clue what he was talking about, so he thought he was safe to carry on.

how funny would that have been??? like, it would have been fucked-up and humiliating, but in any other situation?? hilarious. just killua looking like that dude in mean girls being like HE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE except it's like HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.

He thought back to Light of My Life’s various couples, musing over their own rocky paths to the altar and the beautiful, fractured glimpses into their lives they gifted Kurapika and his team. What did they teach him? What did they teach his heart, that terrifying, terrified lump of meat frantically beating in his chest?

More than you think, his heart seemed to be telling him. Trust me; I will guide you through this. Trust me, trust me, trust me.

*"listen to your heart" plays in the background*

also like. trusting oneself and your perceptions and your feelings and your heart is so necessary. it's an important part of healing. and being honest with yourself and your feelings is part of a foundation for all healthy relationships, i think.

also i really like writing alliteratively. the play on words with "terrifying, terrified" was. inspired? terrifying, because kurapika for a long time feared his own heart and feelings, viewing them as a loss of control; and terrified, because his heart is afraid, too. and they are taking this leap together!

And Kurapika explained: “Love isn’t just found in eloquent professions or grand, romantic gestures. It’s supporting each other through your lowest, worst moments and coming out the other side stronger for it. It’s standing together, hand in hand, against the world. It’s in looking at someone simply existing in the world and seeing them as they are: good, beautiful, strong, intelligent, kind. It’s in your communication and your foundation and trusting that all good things will come together in time. It’s in the family that you build together. It’s in the work you each put in to get through the hard times. Together.”

me: yeah uh-huh jj you really did summarize the fic so far.

this is also where i started being sappy and thinking about love. friendly and romantic love. the love i've seen in my friends, the love i feel myself in my relationships.

There. That’s what his clients taught him. Menchi and Buhara; Morena and Theta; Pokkle and Ponzu; Knov and Morel; Knuckle and Shoot; Canary and Amane. But so many more people showed him what love was. He pictured Pairo and Altair on his couch, laughing at him and judging him and helping him put his own puzzle-piece heart together into something cohesive and beautiful. He smiled at his brothers and saw the way they were clutching each others hands, mouths beaming and eyes dewy.

they LOVE their brother so MUCH. their view of the outside looking in for the past year, watching kurapika fall in love, go soft, be happier than they've ever seen him.

He told them, “It’s in the way you can communicate in gestures and looks, and sometimes, without looking at all. It’s in banter and private jokes and finishing each other’s sentences. It’s in casual touches and... pouring their coffee before your own.”

my coffee is never as good as when my partner makes it. my honey-lemon tea is never as good as it is when my partner makes it. my jokes are never as funny as they are when my partner and i finish each other's sentences, build off of each other's quips. we can communicate across rooms with nothing but a look. these little signs of love are everywhere and expressed in so many tiny ways. these examples here are between people in romantic relationships, but these apply to platonic friendships as well.

His eyes swept the room and found Killua and Gon. Gon had his camera hefted onto one shoulder, and Killua stood behind him, arms around his waist and chin on his shoulder. “It’s on the first day you wake up and realize the way you look at the world has changed. The way you open your hands and your heart and give what you have, simply for the joy of being received.”

to love? transcendent. to be loved? incandescent. to love and know that it is valued and cherished and requited?

and this was a callback to killua talking about, of course, how he fell in love with gon like melting ice. like sinking into a bath. and this was also a quieter callback to how gon fell in love. because it wasn't just that he had/has so much love to give, but because for the first time in his life, he got to see it truly received. accepted.

Kurapika saw Killua’s breath catch and Gon’s hand flex over the fingers interlaced over his middle. Heedless of their surroundings and of the running camera, Gon twisted to kiss Killua on the mouth.

SMOOCHES ahahaha!

He turned his head back to Leorio. The man had not moved; indeed, he looked like he was nailed to the floor. His eyes were so intense as they watched him that Kurapika was almost surprised he had not yet burst into flame. Kurapika said, “It’s in the moment you see someone you’ve never met before, but you look at them and just know, to your core, that this is really going to be something.”

leorio realizing something is happening here. something huge is about to happen, is about to change. and he's trying so hard not to dare to hope it might be good. it might be everything.

A chorus of oohs went around the room. Even from this distance Kurapika saw the way Leorio’s face went red, and he ducked his chin, looking bashful and embarrassed.

leorio: holy shit holy shit holy SHIT IT'S HAPPENINGGGG

How was I such a fool before, Kurapika wondered, How was I so blind, so willfully ignorant and oblivious. How did it take me so long to realize you were talking about me. I’m sorry it took me so long to get here. I’m sorry I made you wait for so long.

this is important because it's not just kurapika realizing and accepting his feelings for leorio. this is kurapika's version of realizing that leorio feels the same for him. leorio is in love with him, too. and he's wondering how it was possible he was so scared and blind for so long. he fears he may have hurt leorio by holding off on this for so long, so he wants to be brave, take the leap, and see what they could be.

Kurapika did not want this man to wait another second. He did not want Leorio to spend another moment trapped in this limbo. So he confessed in the middle of a silent room in front of over a hundred people, “It's the first time you hear them laugh, and your entire world’s axis shifts beneath your feet.”

i remember the first time i met my partner. i remember the first time i looked at them and felt my world shift a little to the right. i remember falling in love and thinking that this one was unlike all the others. it was warm, golden, comforting.

Kurapika watched the confused frown on Leorio’s face when he heard that, amused by the almost puppyish tilt to his head as he considered it. He knew the moment Leorio realized what he meant when his eyes blew wide, amazed and awed and achingly soft. His lips parted.

gOD he is so CUTE. he's like oh hmm huh what does that mean

and then he remembers

i promise, he's not a huge dickwad!

and leorio laughing at gon's accidental gaffe and his sweet earnestness. and kurapika walking in. leorio realizing kurapika wanted to know him before they ever even met.

Kurapika made himself turn away from the arresting sight. “One of my favorite venues lately was the Roseview Ballroom downtown. Among its many beautiful, gaudy attractions are its murals depicting scenes from Shakespeare’s plays all across the ceiling. One is a famous quote from Twelfth Night: ‘journeys end in lovers meeting, every wise man’s son doth know.’ But the more I think about it, the less I agree.”

i'm such a WHORE for shakespeare, as any readers of mine will know. check out my modern college adaptation of much ado about nothing.

He turned to meet Pairo’s eyes again, repeating, “‘Journeys end in lovers meeting.’ But nothing is ending here. It’s just changing.”

life does not end when we start relationships! or when they end! or when we move, change jobs, graduate, go to school, drop out of school. happy endings in stories still aren't endings. the greatest constant in life is change.

“Because what I’ve learned in this job, Pairo and Altair, what nugget of wisdom I have to give you, is this. Love is looking at a world that can be terrifying, cold, capricious, and indifferent, and finding the person whose hand you want to hold through it all anyway. Because you want every laugh, every tear, every wrinkle, every spark of joy. Love is life’s greatest leap of faith, because you don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. But you know exactly who you want to spend all those tomorrows with.”

me finishing this: dammit i just wrote out my wedding vows.

Kurapika looked around the room again. At Gon and Killua; at Kalluto, Nanika, and Alluka; at his parents; at his brothers. At Leorio.

He concluded, “So you simply breathe. And you trust it will be okay.”

There wasn’t a dry eye in the room when Kurapika dropped the microphone.

DAMN ME TOO THIS SHIT WAS GOOD TF?????? sorry my writing has peaked here.

[sepublic]

The Twin Tapes and The Iceberg Car!

           Okay, but that TWIST- Of One’s narration starting off, because everything we see up until Amelia and One appear; It’s ALL what the two are watching in the ‘Twin Tapes’, hence the name of the episode! The first few minutes is literally Amelia and One watching Min and Ryan’s backstory and the relevant memories that summarize what got them here, with One explaining to Amelia at the very beginning what’s going on, that’s SUCH clever directing and a twist, amidst all of the other stuff! Not only that, but;

           IT TAKES PLACE IN THE PAST CONFIRMED!!!

           I mean, we were all expecting it… But also, I was right- One-One really DID start off as just… ONE, with a british voice that mediates between his happy and depressed states and whatnot! AND YOUNG AMELIA, I always wondered how she managed to take over, but her being a regular acquaintance of One really explains a lot of that… And her learning about the Infinity Train from him, only to betray One? Amelia’s gears were clearly turning when One mentioned the idea of ANYTHING being possible…

           And, I guess the numbers calculate the possibility of someone being able to make the ‘right’ choice so to speak? And once it’s more or less 100%, they’re allowed to go back home to keep making that right choice? I have to wonder what One has in mind… He clearly is directly overseeing the whole Min and Ryan situation alongside Amelia, so is he trying something new? Is this a quirk of the train, where if two people get on at the same time, they have the same number- And/or is this some experiment of One’s, related to Min and Ryan’s issues being interconnected?

           Either way, it seems my suspicions on Book 4 providing context to Amelia’s mistakes and takeover was correct! We really get a better look at what the Infinity Train was like before her… And consequently, how she screwed things up, which of course can then set the stage for what would’ve been her eventual arc, but maybe we’ll see that in a graphic novel or book, hopefully… Ideal scenario is that HBO Max changes its mind once it sees the ratings for Book 4. Regardless, after that one book showing what appeared to be storyboards of Amelia hijacking the Steward and tearing One in two… Will we see her takeover of the train, and Ryan and Min’s attempts to survive? Since Amelia knows about their past, will she try to appeal to one, maybe BOTH, to work with her???

           Book 4 is called Duet… If it’s about a duet of two people, then perhaps this theme is continued on to One, who eventually becomes two halves of a whole, the way Ryan and Min are framed within the very directing of the first episode! Amelia is missing her own half as well… But, maybe she serves as the other half, human and emotional and new, to the organic and cold One- Before One becomes his OWN pair, leaving Amelia alone again… Ironic, perhaps- Amelia could’ve found a new companion (not necessarily romantic but who knows?) in One, but she doesn’t want to move past Alrick, and rejects that potential duo to become alone, yet again… Up until Hazel at least. Which, brings me back to the idea of Amelia using Ryan and/or Min to take over the Infinity Train, and that lending to Book 4 being almost as dark as Book –Protagonist was brutally murdered before another went off the deep end and was disintegrated on screen by his own trauma- 3…

           Ryan and Min, though- THE PARALLELS! The duality of the directing and framing, the way both spend time together, then are split apart, and then slowly come back together… God, maybe One’s own situation is ALSO a parallel to this; And as we know, One is split into One-One, eventually coming back together in a sense in the engine… But will this foreshadow One-One eventually becoming One once more? Becoming whole… I guess it depends on what happens with Min and Ryan’s relationship, of course. God, imagine if when Amelia splits One, she makes some sick joke calling back to Min and Ryan as she reminds One of what he did, essentially blaming him for her predicament, but also thanking him for the opportunity to bring back Alrick…

           Also, random thought- But does Ryan’s desire for stardom and attention… Could it relate to him being in a crowded family of multiple kids? So he’s used to getting noticed amidst a loud group of people… And it plays into him wanting to be recognized, wanting to stand out and be an individual? Whereas Min, he’s an only child, his parents have always focused on him, so that desire for attention isn’t really there, and we see his anxiety at the thought of everything being changed so suddenly; I feel for him there. Min and Ryan are different, like Yin-and-Yang, Fire and Water…

           It makes sense, then, that the Iceberg Car (really the Era-stat Car) introduces them at first to the extremes of ice and fire! Will they come together and merge in tandem, in a relationship, or destroy each other? We haven’t seen any progress on their numbers, so we don’t know if they’re always in sync or not… And KEZ, you wonderful ditz! Your voice is so relaxed, and I love that she’s a denizen who’s notorious for travelling around the Infinity Train and getting into trouble with OTHER denizens…! Her having notoriety and rep is a fun concept, a Denizen known by others, and not appreciated for it… She’s clearly the mediator between Ryan and Min.

           Two episodes in, and as always, Owen and the train crew know how to set up a good premise! I’m looking forward to what comes next, all aboard to the next two episodes; How fitting that I’m watching these in duos, like the show had originally been released, and this season is all ABOUT duos! This is some really fun and clever theming to be played around with here.

[wangxiandecoded]

Episode 10

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(Spoilers for the whole show ahead!)

Going to draw a heart over Wangxian to keep track of every time the camera shows someone third wheeling them from now on.

Wei Ying uses his Binding/Bonding talisman on Xue Yang to show Lan Zhan it’s a dynamic tool that doesn’t deserve to be named “Boring”. Even though there’s a serial killer on the loose, Lan Zhan’s opinions on his inventions matter a lot to him. Standard Wei Ying stuff.

Wangxian’s Mirrors

At this point of the show, I could not believe there was a couple who directly mirrored Wangxian. And surprise! They were two men who dressed in black and white and came together for their common vision exactly like Wangxian did. Wei Ying cannot help but connect the dots and Lan Zhan is already aware of their eminence.

Xue Yang Fancies The Yiling Laozu 

Xue Yang’s introduction makes the story take a darker turn but also a gayer one. The homoerotic subtext between him and Wei Ying literally jumps out of the screen.  

(This episode had a lot of moments that were just begging for alternate dialogues to be written. I just wanted to have fun with the subtext that’s already present.)  

Wei Ying doesn’t want Lan Zhan to waste his precious breath interrogating the bad guy. He protectively steps up (something he does quite a lot) and puts some distance between the both of them.

But he wants Lan Zhan to hold his sword while he does that.. and if that act wasn’t necessarily considered to be intimate or romantic before, it just became that after Lan Zhan refused to do it in front of everyone.

Wei Ying has uttered many conspicuously gay things on the show but most of them are with reference to Lan Zhan. Therefore, this is possibly the gayest dialogue he has ever said in a strictly non-Lan Zhan context.

His tone is all, “Honey, you've been existing for 5 minutes, I'm the queerest person the cultivation world has seen in a millennium. You think frisking a guy is going to make me feel scandalized?” This is nuts to me because Xue Yang is arguably the most blatantly coded gay character on the show.. and here is Wei Ying all but saying he can outgay him. That he shouldn’t come after his job. And Lan Zhan just looks like..

It is curious how Lan Zhan says no to something that would require Wei Ying to go near Xue Yang again.

We get it, Lan Zhan. It was hard to see your guy giving attention to someone who wasn’t you.

When Lan Zhan is unsure what's happening back home, the first person his eyes seek is Wei Ying, his source of strength and reassurance.

SongXiao Help WangXian Fall Deeper In Love

Wei Ying is euphoric to meet another pair of Soulmates™. (The same kind of glee that queer people feel when they meet a celebrity queer couple.) His relationship with Lan Zhan just gained supreme validation and a boost to the power of infinity!

He sees everything he has with Lan Zhan reflected in SongXiao’s relationship. He admires them and is delighted that people like them who aren’t concerned with clan drama can walk the wider path of justice, and also lead successful, honourable lives. He looks to Lan Zhan for confirmation but Lan Zhan doesn’t seem too eager to publicize the super sweet promise they made at the lantern ceremony or the fact that he’s been secretly enjoying Wei Ying’s companionship on this expedition. And let’s be honest, it would’ve been more shocking if Lan Zhan did confirm any of that here.

Cheer up, Wei Ying! Lan Zhan will get plenty more opportunities to prove his love for you and he'll ace every single one of them.

No one asked for this but thank you NHS for declaring your ideal type is beautiful gentlemen who fight crime together and unapologetically go their own way.

The parallels between the two pairs write themselves. More importantly, it is while watching SongXiao leave together that Lan Zhan stumbles onto an epiphany.

This is such an underrated moment in the show. The sorrowful music and slow-motion shot of Lan Zhan looking at Wei Ying with vulnerability all over his face once again drives it home that Wei Ying is The One for him, and he is his. He was already getting tired of denying that Wei Ying is his soulmate in every sense there is, and he feels his pain and sadness in this moment. It is enough for Jiang Cheng to feel sorry for him and move on but not for Lan Zhan who feels all that his soulmate feels. 

It is overwhelming and brand new information to Lan Zhan himself that he can feel it because Wei Ying is not in impending danger right now, so this need he feels to protect him and be there for him can only mean that he loves him beyond the shadow of a doubt. Wei Ying seems upset thinking about his mother and Lan Zhan gets it, without Wei Ying having uttered a word the whole time. His face shows a kind of defeat in this scene; he surrenders to everything he has known and felt for some time now : He's in love with Wei Ying and would tear down the universe without a second thought if it means it would rid him of his unhappiness. And he isn't able to do that in this moment. But thanks to Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen, he’s found comfort in the truth they have each other at the end of the day, even if they have nothing left in this world. He cannot give back to Wei Ying what he has lost but he can accompany him in his sadness, and it will have to be enough. And it is, because Wei Ying can overcome just about everything as long as Lan Zhan walks by his side.

Wei Ying Says Lan Clan Deserves Rights

Wei Ying has many nice things to say about the Lan clan who he found exhausting a few months ago. Love brings about miraculous changes in a person, y’all.

Wei Ying gravitates towards Lan Zhan as if it's second nature to him and it really is.

Jiang Cheng spends a lot of time trying to get Wei Ying to spill the Top Secrets about the Yin Iron and Wei Ying is like, "Sorry, I’m bound by the Soulmate laws to tell you absolutely nothing."

Wei Ying is already embracing the idea of controlling the Yin Iron and people are rightfully getting offended by his suggestion.

What did you expect, Wei Ying? Not everyone is your lifetime confidant to give you the benefit of the doubt and reciprocate it with compassion, trust and open-mindedness.

Wangxian’s Temporary Separation

What was that, Wei Ying? Did we hear you admit that the Gusu Lan roof is softer than the one in Qinghe? Could this have anything to do with a certain law enforcer in Cloud Recesses you fell in love with at first sword fight? 

There is a delicate, bittersweet air to this separation, and even the casual watcher is going to be wondering, “When did I get so invested in Wangxian that WuJi makes me want to cry?”

It's cute how Lan Zhan is like, “Okay, I’ve seen the love of my life for one last time, I’ll quietly take my leave so he doesn’t know I was waiting for him to come back.”

Turns out, "I'll sleep on your roof tonight," is one of the most romantic things we could tell the person we love. Isn't it brilliant that just few seconds ago Wei Ying had said he will take whatever ground he finds as his home for the night, and how utterly beautiful is it to have followed it up with this dialogue? “Lan Zhan, I'll sleep on your roof tonight.” Because the world is big but my home is wherever you are. That’s where I’m happiest, I'll sleep on this rugged roof and walk through thorns if it means I get to be by your side. I won't mind it at all. And how unbelievably romantic is it that Wei Ying makes a philosophical statement about life, which ends up being about Lan Zhan?

Lan Zhan hears the implications in his voice. And he openly yearns to stay behind a little longer and commit to his memory what Wei Ying looks like when he is drunkenly proclaiming his love for him under the moonlight. It is pleasantly surprising that Lan Zhan is willing to express his emotions when he knows he is safe from Wei Ying hearing them, that he doesn't mind telling him goodbye when he thinks Wei Ying won't remember it. 

But the audience can hear his voice and we are going to remember it. How, "Wei Ying, I have to go," is uttered in a cadence so sweet we did not know Lan Zhan was capable of before this. And the choice of words do not simply mean that he’s going to leave, but that he has to, and most certainly not because he wants to. And how it really means, “I’m worried about everything, but especially you, and I'm sorry I have to go. I have to trust that we'll both be okay on this path. Please know that I don't wish to leave you, and forgive me for it. Wei Ying, I love you."

Even their temporary separation hurts so good. If they were meant to be best buddies, this scene wouldn't have been shot so poignantly. But we got used to seeing them together and every frame is designed to dig deeper into your heart and instil the fact that these soulmates are parting, and we don’t know when they’ll see each other again. This is the melancholy of a man who does not wish to be away from his lover but is forced to for the sake of the greater good. Anyone can see that.

The rooftop and moonlit night come as a callback to their first meeting, only Lan Zhan no longer wants to point the tip of his sword at Wei Ying, it gives him far greater satisfaction to place Wei Ying behind his sword.

I haven’t counted the number of times people acknowledge Wangxian’s relationship and/or know that they are inseparable, but it’s safe to say almost every character does that at some point. And some even know how to exploit their weakness, that in order to hurt one of them, the surefire way is to simply aim for the other like Wen Chao does here.

To summarize, Episode 10 saw Lan Zhan showing us his true colors : When he isn’t occupied with being the esteemed, intimidating Lan Wangji, he’s busy being a regular, sweet, romantic guy in love. And Wei Ying did that. He single-handedly exposes the soft side of Lan Zhan that nobody sees to the audience now and the world later on. 

This episode also gave us this : Two soulmates chilling shoulder to shoulder zero feet apart because they’re falling in love.

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

#4: There's totally character development, you guys! You just don't see it!

A common critique of Miraculous Ladybug is the lack of actual character growth and development in three seasons, a sentiment most of the fandom agrees with.

At the time of this post, Miraculous Ladybug has been through three seasons with 78 episodes, and nothing has really changed. Sure, by the third season, new villains were introduced, and the season finale shook up the status quo a little bit by exposing the identities of the temporary heroes as a result of Chloe's damnation arc that was obviously planned from the beginning, but despite one of the main plotlines being the relationship between the two, Marinette and Adrien are still at square one. She's still a stammering mess around him, he still doesn't get she has feelings for him, while Cat Noir still can't take a hint that Ladybug isn't into him.

Sure, you could make the argument that they're in relationships with other people now, but not even the show wants to acknowledge it, as a big part of the recent New York City special was about Marinette and Adrien's friends forcing the two to spend time together, even though Marinette said she was trying to move on from him. Even the synopsis for the fourth season says that Marinette still has feelings for Adrien, so now we're wasting even more time on this subplot that's starting to rival Ross and Rachel in terms of tediousness.

Honestly, a good representation of the writing process can easily be summarized like so:

But enough of my rant, what you're here for is what Astruc has said in response to this kind of criticism in this (now deleted) tweet.

Okay, first of all, who unironically uses the term “haterz” to describe someone who criticizes them? What is he, Taylor Swift?

Second, in order to properly analyze this tweet, I'm going to have to talk about Luka and Kagami first. They were introduced during the second season of Miraculous Ladybug to complicate the Love Square, sort of like Jackie and Tom during Star vs. the Forces of Evil. Their reception was... mixed, to say the least. Part of it had to do with how the show first portrayed them.

Now, I like both of these characters, as well as the ships associated with them, but I want to make things clear that this is based on fan interpretation of these characters. If you like Luka and Kagami, or the associated ships with them, that's fine. Same goes for the ships in the Love Square between Marinette and Adrien. While I will be criticizing the writing of the romantic subplots, I am not trying to start a ship war here. This is all about the way Astruc views the writing of Luka and Kagami. So let's please try to keep any comments here civil.

Luka first appeared in the episode “Captain Hardrock”, and was instantly infatuated with Marinette. Fans really didn't like the episode. In addition to the boring villain and horrible animation on display, some viewers simply found Luka to be a boring character. Don't get me wrong, there were still some fans who loved Luka in his first appearance, but for others, it took until his next appearance, “Frozer”, for them to warm up to Luka. The thing is that was because of how Adrien had been for some of the season.

See, mid-Season 2, people had started to question the way Adrien was being written. He had been much more assertive in his attempts to get Ladybug to fall for him, like setting up dates, offering flowers, and supporting the media shipping the two together, claiming they're “meant to be”.

This ties back into why people stated to like Luka more. Unlike Adrien, who was more intrusive of Ladybug's boundaries, Luka was much more calm and understanding of how conflicted Marinette was when she was caught between him and Adrien. By Season 3, a lot of fans found Adrien was only getting worse and basically abandoned ship (no pun intended) to start shipping Luka with Marinette.

While I believe there are some problems with the way Adrien is being written (which I will get into in a later entry), I don't think all hope is lost for the Love Square, as there are some generally cute moments between Marinette and Adrien, and there have been a lot of great fanfics featuring the two as a couple. So it's safe to say I don't think the Love Square is a lost cause.

At the same time, I can understand why people would start shipping Lukanette instead because of the way they viewed Adrien's behavior during Season 3. I also think they have some nice moments in the show, with one of the few good episodes in the garbage fire that is Season 3, “Silencer”, being all about Luka and Marinette growing closer.

Here's the thing. The way the fanbase perceived Luka? IT ISN'T CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.

A big reason fans started to ship Lukanette because of how poorly the other romantic subplot with Adrien was going. Hell, people started to ship Marinette with Damian Wayne because of how much they hated Adrien. Some fans have also cited how Marinette looks much more comfortable around Luka compared to when she’s an anxious mess around Adrien, allowing for better interactions with the former.

And Astruc is acting like the fact that more people are shipping Lukanette like it's all part of his brilliant plan. It's hard to explain how ridiculous this sounds without starting a ship war across Tumblr, so let's move onto what he said about Kagami.

Kagami's first appearance in the episode “Riposte” didn't really give the audience a good idea of what she was like, as she was the Akuma of that episode. All we really knew about her was that she was a fencer, her mom was incredibly strict towards her, and she hit it off with Adrien. It didn't help that she didn't have another appearance for almost an entire year.

Her next appearance, “Frozer”, really didn't portray her in a positive light. Because Kagami had a crush on Adrien, she was a lot more cold to Marinette (even though they hadn't met before and when Adrien told her about her at the end of “Riposte”, she sounded eager to meet her) and basically told her to move her ass or Adrien was hers. Oh, you think I'm paraphrasing? That is literally what Astruc said when someone asked the meaning of that line.

Because all girls do is fight over cute boys, right? Such a good message for a “girl power” show.

Her next appearance in “Animaestro ”made her out to be the threat in the first half of the episode for the crime of hanging out with Adrien. This motivates Marinette to team up with Chloe of all people to embarrass Kagami in front of Adrien, and neither of them are ever called out for it. Yes, Marinette and Chloe both have a crush on Adrien, but the show is demonizing Kagami for daring to spend time with him when Adrien honestly looks much more comfortable around her compared to when Chloe or Lila (another character I'll talk about later) force themselves onto him.

So here's a fun fact: If you write a character as a threat to the protagonist in a completely irrational way, all while perpetuating the cliche stereotype of girls fighting over boys, people aren't going to like that character.

It wasn't until the episode “Ikari Gozen” that Kagami and Marinette finally became friends, and people actually warmed up to her because the show stopped trying to portray her as a romantic rival on the same level as Chloe and Lila.

So while you could call Kagami becoming friends with Marinette character development, it just comes right out of left field, I don't really think it was planned out. But even if, congratulations Astruc. You finally wrote some character development for two supporting characters. Now if only you could do it for your main characters too.

(Sorry if this isn’t my best work, I’ve been focusing on another entry that tackles an... interesting example of how poorly Astruc can respond to criticism.)