remember when I considered posting poetry? *throws at you and runs*
i want to be allowed to live-
another day in the sun,
another ribbon in my hair,
another laugh, another smile, another restless night in june,
to sit and cry is the greatest thing i do,
tears upon tears in the passenger seat.
for love to take root, the pavement must crack
i will blossom,
yellow, or pink, or green,
stubborn and unrelenting at the side of the path you walk
there can be another day in the sun,
another ribbon through my hair, perhaps a flower,
I will smile, you will smile, and we will laugh through tired evenings in may,
there will be a reason to continue, a day like today after the next,
but for a chance to live, experience, to the extent we wish-
There must be change.
Change is the folded covers on the bed.
Change is the progessive clearing of my floor.
Change is your hand in mine.
Change takes time, change takes grey days in march.
Change will change me, will change us, as the world stays untouched,
Yet I will have all I've wanted. I will learn to live, and I will learn to grit and bear it, for another summer, another spring, another Christmas, another show, another song, another dance, another another another until I am so full of experience I can settle, i can breathe, and look back at the people I have changed, for the people who've changed me,
and smile.
If I learn to love, it will be the greatest thing i have ever done.
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you have no idea why
when you kiss me so deeply
wetness falls from my eyes
and my breath catches in my chest
like an old car engine
going up a virginia hill in the summer heat
so let me tell you
you taste like peace and steadiness
our lips meeting
brings this quiet headiness
a never ending effervescence
yet
my heart is at rest with you
my nervous system is relaxed
my mind which is quick to catastrophize
is secure in the knowledge that the words
which come so quickly
to paper and
get caught in my throat
like dryer lint on a chapped hand:
are heard when shared with you
even when
they tumble out
without grace
and my tears wet my face and your shirt
and i can’t tell you what’s really going on
because my heart just isn’t as strong
as when it will be when i’ve healed a bit more
and
though i do trust you
i have demons that tell me i’ll always be poor
in love
and that i’m unlovable
and that i don’t deserve you
and that you don’t really care
but i know this isn’t true
and i know that you are true
and that your heart is true
and i just have shit i’m working through
and that i really want to
tell you i love you
but i don’t want to
rush anything
that you’re too precious to me
to let this get fucked up
with impulsiveness
before we’re really ready
that the way we’re able to talk
through things and communicate
when our emotions are higher
than the tide that floods our little town
means everything to me
and that the thought
of hurting you
even unintentionally
makes me nauseous
and that i’m terrified
truly terrified
because you are the one for who i’ve longed
not some romanticized person
who i don’t understand or know
but you
with all your quirks and flaws
the way that you’re time blind
the way that you love food
maybe even more than i do
the way that you’ve kept your heart tender
through all that life has thrown at you
your wanderlust and sense of adventure
the way the going to the grocery store together is a highlight in my week because we went together and even that was an adventure
the way you love people
regardless of their background
the way that you love life
the way that you care for those around you
the way you hold yourself
the way that you appreciate my lame jokes
and let me share yours
i would go on and on
but i know that if you ever read this
you’ll be uncomfortable with
reading what you already have
and even more so if i write much more
so i’ll just say this:
i’m uncertain
if its possible to really truly fully know another person
and i’m just beginning to know you
but i hope its a long adventure
and we’re in it together
because getting to know you
has been more special and significant
than i imagined possible
and
i cherish you
- sarah in the dress June 25, 2024
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