#also credits to that one blog i saw who posted something similar to this about dio and Jonathan

[starlightstare]

Nightmare trying to kill you would be a meh. I mean, sure, that guy is terrifying but come on! He kills and terrorizes people all the time for the negativity.

Now DREAM. I think I'd break down and cry if he tries to kill me because he would never and if he does try to kill me, it probably means I'm one of the worst scum on earth.

Nightmare would kill you for whatever reason. If Dream kills you, it's because you deserve it.

[jester-lover]

this is my first time writing a request, so please let me know if i need to be more specific! i was wondering if you could write a desi reader x the dorm heads (twisted wonderland). like introducing the boys to the culture and stuff like that? thank you!!

YES OF COURSE!!!! I’m desi myself! We desperately need representation in anime/game spaces, these are just the ones I could think of one the spot, but I saw this request and it made my day!!

also fun fact: this blog was originally supposed to be centered around desi women, but I couldn’t keep up with that idea, this is such a lovely reminder!!

Warnings: Fluff, food, hair mentioned, ‘starting a family’ mention but no kids or anything, unapologetic cultural appreciation, desi families (positive), author calls the pale ones gora pakoras, rambling

Dorm Leaders with a Desi Girlfriend!

Riddle Rosehearts

I don’t think you understand how much your mom loves him

His spice tolerance is at ZERO, but boy will he try for you

He adores gulab jamuns, I mean ROSES?? WITH DESSERT?? This is his destiny

Adores chai, drinks more chai than all your aunts combined

He loves chai so much he’ll ask for you to make it for the tea parties, drinks the chai with biscuits

OFF WITH THEIR HEAD to anyone who calls it ‘chai tea’ !!!

Desi jewelry is his favorite thing you wear, the intricate patterns and shapes make his heart beat faster

If you get him jewelry he’s probably gonna cry

“You look absolutely gorgeous, I almost can't believe you’re with me.” 

Leona Kingscholar

The mix of y’all’s cultures is perfect

He will happily eat spicy meat, he can go on about the meat

Biryani is his favorite, goat or chicken

You might expect me to say your parents don’t like him, but HE’S LITERALLY A PRINCE, man is rich asf you’re gonna be taken care of

He’s also so respectful to your mom, she def tells you to act more like him

If you have to accompany him to some gaudy event in the savanna, and  you choose to wear cultural clothing, like a sari or salwar kameez, he’s literally frozen

o

m

g

He’s buying a ring as we speak

All the whatsapp aunties are gossiping about the two of you, but you literally couldn’t care

He’s def the type to buy you jewelry

“I- god for once in my life I literally don’t have words, you’re glowing.” 

Azul Ashengrotto

I will defend fishy fishman until my last day

he is such a good boyfriend, always treating you out and keeping you happy

Your parents support you two, because Azul has a good head on his shoulders and has a good chance of being successful

He really adores you in blue, especially blue lehengas, you look like a princess to him

he is super appreciative whenever you introduce him to new recipes, his lounge may even use some of the spice blends you suggest (with credit)

He enjoys paneer pakoras, fried desi food is a wonder to him

“I know I’m stuffing my face right now, but can you really blame me?”

Kalim Al-Asim

HE IS PERFECT !!

He’s so happy to meet someone of a similar culture to him!

But this is also where his main problem lies..

He’s so blushy around you its crazy

Never did he think he could meet someone who he knows so well, who feels like home and warm welcomes

You two go on so many adventures

Jamil is so tired, let my man rest

Sometimes the cultural overlap is so prominent, especially in words and food items

Both of you adore a good lamb curry

You ever see that tikitok trend, the “I can’t date outside of my culture because how am I supposed to explain _______” 

You both can relate to that one.

Something about you brings out the poet in him

(I have to stop eventually because this could just become it’s own post)

“You are my home, you are warmth and kindness packed into a beautiful human being.” 

Vil Shoenheit

THIS

He’s honestly so happy to be in a relationship with a desi girl, you open up a whole new world to him

I feel like he would be an appreciator of desi bread on his cheat days

Especially paratha, it’s so buttery and rich, he’ll eat it with achaar

Your clothes always astound him

He’s used to glitz and glamour, but the sheer amount of detail in your outfits, that will leave him speechless

I believe he’d enjoy salwar kameez, especially in a more early 2000s way (think kabhi khushi kahbie gham)

Honestly he enjoys everything about desi fashion, he deeply respects you for wearing those HEAVY

Helps you oil your hair, it’s an extremely intimate moment and you grow a lot closer together

“Liebling, please hold still, I still have to get to the back of your head!”

Idia Shroud

(He’s Greek in my heart)

Idia is such a little loser/pos

He’s so nervous at any of your family gatherings, ortho has to hype him up before

He’s definitely the person at a desi house party who slips away after the food is served, literally gone

If he ever visits your country (in a different dimension lol) he might have a tough time

Homie is so sensitive to hot weather, he’s getting sunburned so hard

He gets so shy when you’re all dolled up, he can’t even look you in the eye

You just look so above his league

This is where you build his confidence, because he would look gorgeous in desi clothes 

Him in a kurta is the thing that would actually kill me

Idia is obsessed with you, even if the time you spend together is spent inside his room, cuddled up watching anime or playing games instead of socializing

You probably get him into old bollywood movies

“I mean, we ate already, what’s the point of sticking around?”

Malleus Draconia

He’s a well educated person, so he probably keeps a respectful distance until you start educating him on your culture

Malleus deeply enjoys the sense of family in desi culture, the community that helps one another and keeps your head lifted

It reminds him of his own caring upbringing

He’s another appreciator of desi desserts, more modern ones tend to stick to him better, like mango ice cream 

He is smitten with Rooh Afza in milk, even if he doesn’t need human drinks

He finds your cultural apparel so pretty

especially if you wear deeper colors like emerald and black

He really just wants to match

Really enjoys historical drama bollywood movies

Is the type to tell you when your chunni is slipping off, and carries extra safety pins to help with fashion mishaps

“I hope one day, our own family will be a beautiful as this.”

I’m so sorry for the bad dialogue, every time I try to think of something a character says, the voice in my head (inner monologue) turns into bob belcher from bob’s burgers. I will be trying my best to fix the flat dialogue with better nicknames and stuff. Thank you for reading.

[kedikatzen]

saw your testimony of your experience being hounded for having a “similar style” to viv on another blog. ty so much for sharing your history there.

i was wondering if you’d be willing to talk about or list what cartoons/movies/comics/art influenced or inspired you/your style.

i’ve long been sick of people lumping other styles in with viv’s as if she’s the first to ever draw like that (as well as viv acting like she is.) and one day when i have the time i’d like to sit down and make an info-graphic of sorts explaining style influence and how it can overlap with other artists even with them never crossing paths.

if you’d rather not engage this tho i completely respect that. and feel free to shoot me a private message if you’d rather not post this ask to your account.

whether or not i hear from ya i hope you have a good one and ty for reading.

That's fine!! I don't mind engaging when people ask my side of things, I just don't want to be a source for other people to post random things through, if that makes sense. I do try to be upfront about my experience and bring it up from time to time because there are constantly new victims, and I don't want anyone to feel alone or like they're the only person having a negative experience. I know that a lot of others are afraid to speak out, so I try to be a story that's open in case anyone else needs validation.

As for stylistic influence, The Nightmare Before Christmas was the earliest movie I remember watching and my grandma had to get it on VHS for me because I watched it like every week. I loved Tim Burton's claymation as well as his live action movies (Beetlejuice, Mars Attacks, Batman, etc.) My favourite American cartoons growing up were Batman the Animated Series (very big stylistic influence), The Grim Adventures, and Animaniacs. I grew up abroad, though, so I had a lot of other influences, Winx Club was extremely popular as well as Sailor Moon, so I picked up a lot of habits in my anatomy from those (I think automatically associating ice with villains is also something I picked up from that). But the very long legs compared to bodies is definitely a prevalent thing in media I liked, I even had these dolls (they were called Hi Glamm dolls if you want to look them up) who had legs twice the length of the rest of their bodies. Don Bluth movies were some of my favourites, especially All Dogs and Anastasia. I read a lot of comics my dad collected as well, in big whole-volume collections, and I remember being very fond of Asterix and Obelix, and Bill Maildin's comics about the military (which might not seem like a big one, but I took a lot of inspiration from his spot-blacking for when I do spot-black).

Other major influences concerned, some of my biggest when it came to making comics were other webcomics, specifically Warrior-U (Aisha Thani) and Lackadaisy (Tracy Butler), both of which have been around on the internet far longer than a certain someone who thinks she invented half the things in these comics. I did see her webcomic and followed webcomics from the circle of comics it was lumped in with (Our Personal Purgatory and Alice and the Nightmare, the latter of which is still ongoing and the former you can see the artist's new comic on Webtoons, it's called Death Sitter). Ironically, a friend linked me to her comic and said "it reminds me of your art so I think you'd like it". I wanted to like it, but she was so overly defensive of her "style" that people were "stealing" and so aggressive toward other issues that it pushed me away from it. She definitely didn't invent the very fluid, cartoony bodies thing with big eyes that everyone equates to her, that came long before with Aisha Thani and Puppetology. From what I've seen, Viv used to have a way more Disney-esque style until she became associated with Puppetology and Dollcreep, so if anyone deserves credit for "inventing" the "style", it's them.

I'm genuinely sad that Warrior-U is still gone, but I need to buy her other comics because her art is amazing. Funnily enough, recollecting this all is what prompted me to go look up her gumroad, and see that there are even more new comics to check out.

I don't mind posting this publicly, I'm very proud of my artistic journey and I'm incredibly happy to share due credit to all of my influences growing up. I'm trying not to make this too long, so hopefully this clears up enough, but if you have follow-up questions then feel free to ask.

[spar-kie]

That New Melia Design

Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Rejuvenation Brainrot

So! People are dissecting the new Rejuv 13.5 trailer and I would like to add my bit to the fray on account of I have terminal illness of Melia, she is my all time favorite. And the new design she's got has raised my eyebrows.

And a lot of credit to @tlozypaka-tina bc their post really got me thinking more in depth about this design rather than just thinking it just a new design for the new version.

So first, that new design! Let's take a peek at it!

(Bear with me on the resolution being bad, it's a screenshot of a small part of a YouTube video)

And before we continue, let's just compare all of Melia's previous designs (plus throwing Emma in there for kicks)

Now, something important to note for all of Melia's designs (except for the Terajuma design) is that the primary color on them is white. Her first, fourth, and fifth designs all have white shirts, and her second design in Emma wears a white robe with a white bow. Her previous Terajuma design had her shirt be grey but there was a bit around the collar that was white.

Though it would take more time to say what this symbolism this has for Melia (if any, and this isn't just a motif for character design), we can contrast it to the new design shown off in the trailer, which (despite the monochromatic color filter) we can tell that she's wearing a darker shirt. It almost looks like a darker version of her first outfit given the design of the shirt and the exposed bra/tank top straps. Though of course her hair is too long for it to be a re-do of that design. Not to mention the eye shadow, which is something none of Melia's current designs have. It seems to be the same shade as her shirt too.

Also worth noting is that the expression looks far more smug and self assured than any of the expressions of Melia's other designs. And while on this blog we support girlbosses and women who know how capable they are, this is something worth noting. Going back to tlozypaka-tina's post their friend Vance notes that the expression here is similar to that on Melanie's vs sprite.

So, what's the thesis of this post?

Honestly this is a jokey way of putting it but I think it puts it best, between the smug look (being similar to Melanie's vs sprite) and the darker colors of the design, I think we're getting some kind of evil Melia, for lack of a better term.

EDIT: Everything below this point is based on speculation that happened due to me straight up missing Melia's powered up design. I have no good reason for this, I checked the Chapter 12 folder where it is. But I'm keeping it in the post just bc I don't like deleting stuff.

Now, to get into some baseless speculation here, I can already hear some people going "Hey wait, you forgot Melia's powered up design!".

And I'm glad you noticed dear reader, I sure as hell did. When I was gathering the different Melia designs I snagged them from the DeviantArt stash where Zumi posts all the character designs. I didn't grab powered up Melia because she wasn't there (I grabbed the pic above from the Fandom Wiki).

Now I would normally chalk this up to there being dozens of pieces of art in Rejuv and it's easy to forget to upload one, except for the fact that I swear this used to be there! I could be remembering wrong, or... there could be plans for this design when 13.5 drops that involve a redesign that will only be revealed when it's out. Related to the design of Melia we saw in the trailer? I dunno, but it's worth noting since I found it.

[surfingkaliyuga]

Surfer: Year Ten

And the day has come. Ten years of my humble blog and of a slogan that has taken on a life of its own. A decade is a long time, and the occasion puts me in an introspective frame of mind. Even in a relatively quiet existence such as mine, a person can amass a sizable collection of milestones over that time. Not to mention the gray hairs. I taught myself a new language, learned how to draw somewhat competently, took up 3D modelling with a modest degree of success, I helped a friend create a commercial computer game, at one point I took up writing and had a blog which was fairly popular in its political niche. Some of the things I made had appeal broad enough that a prosecutor and some local three letter agency really wanted to get to know me. That counts as an achievement, right? I got much better at my job, but I'm trying to change trades. I was also fortunate enough to have spent most of the last 10 years with one woman, this was a "big one" on the list.

As for Surfing the Kali Yuga - I'm still amazed this slogan of mine (although I can only take partial credit for coming up with it) caught on as well as it did. Obviously it very much helped that Zentropa took a liking to it and produced a few pictures. My blog on its own wouldn't be enough to popularise, well, anything. In this little corner of the Internet I make more of a "mood board" than anything else. The funny thing is "I" even have my own entry on Know Your Meme. It is, as one could expect, rubbish and cites a random 4chan anon as the source, in a post that is well over a year younger than my original (damn the Tumblr purge of 2019) blog. But it is fun to see some form of "Surfing the Kali Yuga" on every social platform, t-shirt store or anywhere really. Some accounts are quite similar to my blog, some not so much. I even saw anarchists and hippies (I apply the term very loosely) using STKY in one context or another. The most unusual thing was the Bored Ape Yacht Club connection. Internet sleuths, and by sleuths I mean Twitter dimwits, decided that NFTs are a "Nazi subterfuge" and tried connecting the biggest company with "alt-right dog whistles". After bending over backwards and reaching so far up their own asses they could feel the stomach acid burning they connected those Damn Dirty Apes to our favourite catchphrase. Cue one hour long ramblings on YouTube about alt-right ape conspiracy which would make Alex Jones blush. On a more positive note my blog is a cited source, I wrote about it here. Sometimes I encounter people who know my blog when I really wouldn’t expect them to, it never fails to brighten my mood.

One of these days I'll do a proper deep dive into the diffusion of STKY, in the meantime I actually made something for the decennary. I don't often draw for fun, but this time I had to. I also have a bottle of kvass in the fridge waiting for me. Here's hoping I'll still be here in another year. Or ten.

[runninguplenorahills]

You just love stealing peoples posts and ideas and not crediting them don't you??

I’ve been here for half a year and so it happens that I might repeat things that have already been said before by other people, without being aware of it. I’ve never stolen someone’s post before!! I’ve simply made the same observation! Just because there’s a time delay doesn’t mean I actually know about the other post!

I’m pretty sure this is about the El/Nancy ring parallel and I just wann say that as far as I know, I’ve been the first one to point out that El’s s4 ring and Nancy’s s1 ring look near identical!

That post of mine is from January and I’ve just today became aware of the fact that @bookfansworld has made a post about this already in November, though they’re actually talking about a different one of Nancy’s rings (one from s4). So while we came to the same conclusion, we did not even make the same observation!

In their post they also pointed out that El’s ring is a heart while I personally thought it was a circle, and now that I looked it up (literally about two hours ago) I observed that it’s neither. This is something I found out for myself today, so if that was already a widely known information in the byler tag due to someone else pointing it out way before me, I simply did not know that!

This is as if I would make people credit me for using the inverted buff dragon poster in their posts because as far as I now I’m the one who pointed out that it looks like the gay flag first! But just because I pointed it out first doesn’t mean everyone saw my post and it also doesn’t mean that no one can make that observation by themselves anymore! If someone were to post that exact inverted buff dragon poster today, who am I to tell them that they stole my post?? They probably don’t even know my post exists!!!

So, my dear anon, it is very rude to immediately assume that someone stole someone else’s post just because it includes the same observation (or the same conclusion). Stranger Things is a tv show and there are millions of people watching it! People are bound to make the same observations over and over again!

And I guarantee everyone, whenever I am aware of another blog pointing out something that I’m about to discuss, I always tag them or their post! For example @there-was-a-hole-here-itsgonenow once made an amazing post about the Japanese fan in Suzie’s room which inspired me to do my own and I of course tagged their post!! Or @aemiron-main has the most genius analyses and whenever I’m picking up on one of his posts I tag him as well! But this is only possible when I’m aware of someone’s post!! If I’m not aware of another post that points out the same thing that I’m about to point out with my own post, I naturally cannot tag it or the blog!

So if I should ever post something and you guys know a post that says the same thing/shows the same observation, tell me! Just leave a quick: “Hey Lenora, I just wanted to let you know that there’s this post by @/ and your post is very similar to theirs so you might wanna tag them.” because I will, guys! I will tag them once I’m aware their post exists!!

[negrowhat]

so i just finished watching between us and kinnporsche, and was kinda corious about news and what the actors are gonna do next. like i was really sad that between us is over, but then i saw some people say, that there is gonna be a special ep in march, about them getting married...do you know if thats true? Also i heard that bounprem is gonna have a new bl together (is there out what its about,and when its going to happen?) and that they are gonna be in different (movies/shows) like prem something thriller like and idk about bouns tho.(do you know?).im really curious about this, and im exited for them!

And i thought for sure that kinnporsche is gonna have a season 2. Like its such a popular show, and the show kinda ended on a cliffhanger, so i thought for sure there is gonna be a annoucent about it. but the show aired 6 months ago, and there are still no news :( i just heard about the actors having new bls together. (Im not totally familar with the names yet) . like the actors from every main couple is gonna have a series together. vegaspete, kinnporsche, and kimchay (where im corious about, how this will look, since im not sure if they are going to have much romantic scenes, like a kiss scene, because of the age, they didnt have on in kinnporsche) like is there out, about what this shows are about? and when they will come out? Im really exited to watch this shows, even thought i would have preffered a season 2 of kinnporsche. Do you think there is still gonna be one in the future? (im sorry for this long ask, but im not really in the fandom, and i think you probably know this things....anyway i love youre blog!)

Hello Anon! Thanks for dropping by! I do have answers for you but it might not be the answers you want. I'll put a "keep reading" because this will be a long post.

As far as the Between Us Special Ep goes, it hasn't been officially announced by Studio Wabi Sabi if there is going to be one or not. The reason everyone is anticipating a special wedding ep is because there is evidence of an upcoming wedding in the final ep and also a few of the actors had posted similar content on their social media. We're assuming March 2nd because that is the date we saw for their actual wedding.

There hasn't been any announcement for a s2 of Between Us either, though it is totally possible considering the source material is still ongoing and there is already some chapters written about after Win graduates. I'd say keep hope alive but I don't know if that is actually going to happen or not. It took us a very, very long time to get Between Us.

As of right now, there has not been any announcements on any new BounPrem (the actors who play WinTeam) series. Boun (the actor who plays Win) is going to be in a zombie series though. Hopefully Studio Wabi Sabi will post a 2023 project video so we can know what to expect this year. There are some Between Us Special Episodes on YouTube from last summer. There's 6 eps, they're really short but oh so cute and features them as an already established couples.

BounPrem do have a few other series they've been in together and if you'd like I can make a list or give you some recs! Just let me know. The actors the played DeanPharm (OhmFluke) also have a few series out together as well. The actor that plays Manaow (Sammy Coates) has an extensive credit list too.

As far as the KinnPorsche cast, a lot of things have happened since the main couples' new projects were announced. I'm not going to get too heavy into it but I will give you a short update.

First the KP cast is still doing their KinnPorsche World Tour and I don't know how long that will go on for, I think their next stop is Hong Kong.

JeffBarcode, the actors that played KimChay will be getting a Korean based series called WuJu Bakery. Jeff's character will be some sort of alien and Barcode will be a bakery owner but that's really all the information that was given though there is a very tiny trailer.

MileApo, the actors that played KinnPorsche, are going to be in a movie together and it will be call Man Suang. We did get a trailer for that a few months back. It's gonna be a period piece so expect lots of pretty costumes. Tong who played Tankhun and Bas who played Arm will be in it too.

BibleBuild (VegasPete) WERE supposed to be in a series together called 4 Minutes. Idk what the actual plot of the series was supposed to be but I know it's supposed to be written by a famous writer. I don't know if the series will still be happening because Build is no longer working for Be On Cloud because he was accused of some really messed up stuff by one of the KP writers. (I won't get into this one because I am NOT part of the majority that believes Build is innocent)

If it is still going to be happening then they will either recast Build or wait for the verdict on his pending case. Idk how long BOC willing to wait because Build no longer works for them and I hope they don't make Bible wait for this mess to end because it's not his fault.

As far as a s2 for KinnPorsche....I doubt we're getting one. The writers for the novel were really disgusting to actors....like really, really disgusting to the actors...so they have been fired from Be On Cloud. Also they were going to ruin everyone's characters in their new novel anyway. It was just awful and I'm glad they got booted because the just did some horrendous stuff to the actors.

And now that one of them has accused Build, they will both be going to court. I think at this point, if we would be expecting a KinnPorsche s2 it would be written by all new writers and would either not feature Pete OR they would recast him. I personally think with all this mess that we don't need a s2 and to just let it be. Things have been ruined Behind the Scenes.

I'd be happy to suggest a few other series that have been circulating or if there is a certain type of plot you're looking for in a series or character dynamics. It really just depends on how interested you are in the world of BLs or if you're just interested in the casts for Between Us and KinnPorsche. LET ME KNOW! AND I HOPE THIS HELPS!

[secretgamergirl]

My weird relationship with profile pictures

So I saw this making the rounds the other day, and felt maybe just a little targeted because... mine’s kinda similar.

I have kind of a complicated relationship with this sort of thing. I started this blog uh... pushing a decade ago, at a time I otherwise WAS NOT out as trans to literally anyone, and surrounded by people I (unfortunately quite correctly) guessed would have a huge problem with it when I did come out. So here, I had absolutely no identifying info of any kind, profile pic included, and was just hunting information on transitioning resources. My oldest posts explaining this have been long since nuked too since, well, I’ve gotten more paranoid over the years.

When I started up a Twitter account back in the day, more or less exclusively to link articles on here to a hopefully wider audience, same deal. Back then if you didn’t set a profile picture you just got this egg on a random colored background. Pretty sure I ended up with a violet background and you know, the egg wasn’t bad iconography for my purposes. And people absolutely HATED this because turns out at the time people would mass-register burner accounts and make no effort so you’d have a stalker and just get this whole pile of angry eggs in your feed, then maybe me saying something friendly and weirding you out.

So people were pressuring me to switch over to literally just anything, which I was tempted to consider, but while I was pondering that, there was this other pseudonymous-for-safety trans girl I knew who was almost as paranoid as I was, but had a real avatar. This one funny picture of a dog... and uh, she got doxed based on that alone. It was something like she ran a server for something else, that dog image was saved to that machine somewhere, some shot in the dark stalker-y tied it to a profile on that site, and from there unraveled that thread enough to get her legal name, I think her address even, and started really raining serious hell down on her. So that scared me the hell out of making a change.

I did since loosen that policy up a little, and started using profile pictures over there if anyone was sufficiently bothered by the one I had to just post something else and demand I swap it in. Did that a couple times, then had the added problem of people who’d provided earlier ones being upset I was using something else. Sorry about that by the way.

Anyway, this is still kinda the way I live my life. I don’t show any of myself if I can help it. I can’t recall ever uploading photos of myself anywhere, nor videos. Beyond letting a few vague facts slip, like, you know, being some absolutely gigantic trans woman, I don’t let personal details out, and I don’t use profile pictures anywhere, unless someone actively suggests one. And I still get constantly stalked and harassed even with that.

Somewhere along the line people got frustrated by the lack of info on me, made a bunch up, started circulating that, and like, going so far as to “issue corrections” to stuff like game credits sites that correctly had the name I’ve used professionally for as far back as anyone’s going to want to look up, convincing them to change it to whatever random BS they pull off some sketchy website or other, and while that’s actually a serious problem for me when I’m looking for work and have to explain to people looking up previous projects why they find some other person’s name in place of mine, I also get rather unfortunately frequent sneak peeks of the sort of violent stalker crap I’d be dealing with if they had real leads. Photos taken of random houses, anonymous messages that are all like “I know you’re really Albert Zuckerman” or whatever with some rando’s photo embedded, “found you” with arrows drawn pointing at random people in group photos, crap like that. It’s always kind of relieving to confirm they’ve all tricked each other so thoroughly, but the version of that I’d get if there were real things to go on I’d really prefer to keep living without.

So, you’re stuck with the sleepy triangle. At least until someone goes out trophy hunting fascists with enough gusto the rest go into hiding, or someone hooks me up with some kinda like private high security mansion with on-site security or something. Sorry if you don’t like seeing it?

[quantummindclassicalheart]

I posted 6,184 times in 2022

That's 2,433 more posts than 2021!

29 posts created (0%)

6,155 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/naamahdarling

@/ladyshinga

@/astridbecks

@/bunjywunjy

@/sashthesloth

I tagged 4,829 of my posts in 2022

Only 22% of my posts had no tags

#kqueuequeueoverrsquared - 1,824 posts

#critical role - 431 posts

#cr spoilers - 89 posts

#miraculous ladybug - 87 posts

#widojest - 59 posts

#the locked tomb - 58 posts

#ref - 52 posts

#essek thelyss - 51 posts

#this is an essek blog now - 49 posts

#the owl house - 40 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#and a very sneaky implied rhyme in the lines that bookend the song– ‘we’re in for a scar’ is a five-syllable rhyme for ‘laerryn coramar’

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

twelve Essek Thelyss valentines/pick-up lines that no one asked for

Are you a Gravity Sinkhole? Because I'm feeling a powerful attraction to you.

Can I quantum tunnel my way into your classically forbidden region?

My favorite food is soups, but I'm thinking of eating out tonight.

Do you have truesight? Because you see right through me, valentine.

Let me show you a kindness.

No war crimes tonight, valentine. Unless you are into-- look, I said I was sorry--

Valentine, I'm walking on air whenever I’m with you.

The inexorable flow of linear time isn't the only thing I'm violating tonight.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or shall I invoke Fortune's Favor and reroll my Charisma check?  

Can you clear the cats off the bed, valentine?

Have you been bound to a Luxon Beacon? Because I think you're conse-cute.

Of my many regrets, loving you will never be one of them.

(edit: now with art by @ultrainfinitequest! see also: nein Caleb Widogast valentines)

121 notes - Posted February 9, 2022

#4

There's something delightful about the Percy & Ashton interaction in C3E36 that speaks to a similarity between Taliesin's characters. Like, Ashton sees this formal, prissy old aristocrat who they sort of assume has never really known suffering or loss, and they treat him accordingly.

And while Percy definitely thinks Ashton is young and naive, he also sees something familiar in Ashton and the way he both lashes out and clings desperately to this bunch of weirdos he's found and has become determined to protect. It's not enough to make him like Ashton, but it earns a little bit of recognition, and Matt and Taliesin played both halves of this interaction so well.

235 notes - Posted October 11, 2022

#3

There is an old folk song that is sung in Exandria.  It goes by a lot of titles--In Marquet it’s commonly known as The Liar’s Love, while natives of Xhorhas would know it as The Fey Groom, and the elves of Syngorn’s version has a title that translates to “The Sacrifice of Truth for Love.”

This is one bard’s rendition of the song in Common, as accompanied by ukulele.

(Best with headphones! With credit for the original idea to @ihaveatypeanditstrickstergods and the original characters to @quiddie and Sam Riegel. Album art generated by Craiyon.)

Lyrics below the cut.

Refrain: This sordid scene, my love, we're in, oh, We're in for a scar And yet tonight by morning light I'll fall for you once more.

Verse 1: There once was a fey who chanced one day From lands so wild and strange For stories told worth more than gold Exandria's face would change.

Among the clouds a city bright And there its beating heart Did kindle love within his own For her he'd craft his art.

Verse 2: A vision clear did guide his dear With this its one refrain Her city’d rise beyond the skies And loose its mortal chain

Beneath the streets his love did seek Her dream at any cost, But fortune claimed its pound of flesh, A friend too soon was lost.

Verse 3: The fey saw true that if they knew, Her legacy’d be blight And so he lied to deftly hide Her deeds from public sight.

And though his heart was ever hers, Her work, for now, meant more She’d fix them soon when she was done So he walked out the door.

Verse 4: And soon an hour of arcane pow’r Was finally at hand For on that night, with her Leywright She’d make them understand

But one thing more stood in her way Her masterpiece abjured She struck it down, and with that spell Calamity ensured.

Verse 5: And with her sin the fiends poured in With death and fire and hate, But one last spell at ruin’s knell Might change Exandria’s fate.

His healing words would keep her hale, Her spellwork holding fast, And at the heart they’d both go down Her work complete at last.

Refrain: This sordid scene, my love, we're in, oh, We're in for a scar And yet tonight by morning light I'll fall with you once more.

270 notes - Posted November 5, 2022

#2

I added some more lyrics to this post by @/mikkeneko​ and @/neraitsuze. Karaoke track from here.

lyrics:

i heard from our sweet boy you guys took a trip into the city and as i understand he said dad told him weird things 'bout demons and ghosts and then more demons while you both watched the band he said you got all weirdly intense when you talked about his future as he sipped lemonade darling will you explain them your reasons and what the fuck you meant by the so-called black parade

322 notes - Posted January 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

For those of you who weren't in Twitch chat last night, you missed this incredible bit of lore.

2,549 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[idy-ll-ique]

I posted 346 times in 2022

36 posts created (10%)

310 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@writing-prompt-s

@donaweasley

@badjokesbyjeff

@muresetivoire

@metamorphesque

I tagged 59 of my posts in 2022

#writing - 34 posts

#marvel - 33 posts

#disney - 33 posts

#avengers - 33 posts

#mcu - 33 posts

#writeblr - 32 posts

#fanfic - 32 posts

#bucky barnes x reader - 22 posts

#sebastian stan x reader - 20 posts

#winter soldier - 19 posts

Longest Tag: 107 characters

#stop fetishizing queer people!! stop the fetishization of queer men! stop the fetishization of queer women!

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

fortune

pairing: ceo!bucky barnes x f!reader

genre: fluff, angst, smut

warnings: ...smut. gets a lil graphic you have been warned

requested: nope

word count: ~6.7k

summary: they meet when y/n returns bucky's lost wallet. who knew that bringing him his fortune would also bring her her own someday?

author's note: hiya peeps! im about to hit 1.1k followers, so excited!!!! enjoy!

masterlist

---

"Ah— o-oh, okay, thank you for calling."

Y/N ended the call with a sigh, looking up at the sign board of the café before walking in. She'd gotten a call about the most recent job interview that she did, but it was a call that rejected her. Similar to the 10 other jobs she'd applied for. "What the fuck," she mumbled to herself, crossing her arms as she stood in line for her regular order. In front of her, stood… a tall man.

At least, he was a good head taller than her. He had broad shoulders, and, judging from what she saw from the back, looked like he lived at the gym. He had thick, luscious brown hair that reached his shoulders, tied in a half-up, half-down style. After judging the stranger for a good minute, she took out her phone and started looking through it. Soon, it was the stranger's turn to order. "A black coffee for me, please."

"Of course you order that," she whispered to herself, rolling her eyes. He received his order and turned to leave; Y/N quickly stole a glance at him, blinking twice when she realised— he was actually a good-looking man. Strong jaw, a structured nose, stormy blue eyes, pink, full lips… "Oh, hey Y/N! The usual?" Y/N snapped out of her thoughts and turned to the barista, whom she had become good friends with. "Hi Alexa, yeah, the usual for me, please."

"So, did you get a call back from that place?" Alexa asked as she prepared Y/N's coffee. "They rejected me," she sighed and Alexa crooned sympathetically. "They lost a good one, I can tell," she chuckled, "No worries babe, you'll find a job soon!" Y/N laughed along, accepting the cup Alexa handed her. "If nothing works out, I can come work here," she winked at the barista, who grinned broadly. "Hell yeah! Bye!"

With a wave, Y/N left the café, sipping on her coffee. Only, as she walked, she suddenly tripped on something, stumbling forward. Y/N caught herself easily, turning to look at what she had tripped on. "A wallet?" She walked back to pick it up. Upon opening the wallet, the first thing she found was a photo and a business card. "James Barnes," she read. But as she looked at the photo, she gasped. It was the handsome stranger from the coffee shop!

She checked the wallet further; it was stuffed full of… credit cards. There were at least 5 cards in there, along with a few 100 dollar bills. So, the guy was rich… For a second, a thought passed through her head— should I just keep the wallet? As soon as the thought passed she shook her head; she wasn't a thief, she could never steal a person's wallet! It was best to return it to the rightful owner. Hey, maybe he'd compensate her somehow for finding it.

So she quickly checked the address on the business card; his office wasn't that far, just a 10-minute cab ride away. Y/N stopped a cab and got in, showing the driver the address. The driver took her there, and as she got out of the cab, she looked up at the massive building, her jaw dropped. No wonder James Barnes is so rich, when you work at a company like this… She cleared her throat and walked inside the building, looking around.

But not even 15 steps into the building she was stopped by a security guard. "Ma'am, do you have an appointment? You can't enter without a pass," he said sternly and Y/N blinked at him. "I just— I have the wallet of one of your employees, I simply came to return it," she stammered. The receptionist walked over to them, an unfriendly look on his face as well. "What's going on here? Do you have a pass, miss?" he asked her.

"I told you, I'm just here to return—"

"A wallet, yeah, we heard. But you can't just barge in here like this, this is a very important building—"

Y/N hung her head low as the two men lectured her. In the end, the receptionist held his hand out. "Give the wallet, I'll make sure it reaches its owner safely." She didn't want to stay in the building another minute. But as she took out the wallet from her purse, her eyes landed on James Barnes himself, who walked out of an elevator. He was flanked by no less than 6 other office members; he was wearing a very expensive blue suit, too.

Y/N figured it would be better if she gave the wallet to James himself instead of the receptionist, so she yelled, "Mr Barnes! Mr Barnes, over here!" Bucky looked over at her, eyes narrowing in confusion. "Give me a minute," he whispered to his assistant before walking over to Y/N, hands smoothing out his suit. "What is it?" he asked her, a polite smile on his face. She handed him the wallet. "You dropped this outside the coffee shop."

Bucky blinked at his wallet, before looking up at her in question. His eyes then landed on the receptionist and the security guard; his nostrils flared when he noticed how the security guard was holding her by the arm. "Let her go," he hissed and both of them took a few steps away from Y/N. She adjusted her t-shirt and smiled at Bucky. "You know, the café you stopped by around half an hour ago? I was in line behind you. But as I left, I saw a wallet on the ground and recognised you from your photo."

He looked down at his wallet, and up at her. "You can check, all your cards and cash are in it, untouched. I promise I didn't steal anything." Bucky chuckled and opened his wallet. Indeed, everything was perfect. "I'm surprised you came to return the wallet at all," he told her, "If someone else had seen a wallet this hefty they might've kept it." Y/N instantly shook her head.

"I'm not a thief! Granted, I do need the money but come on, I'm not gonna steal someone else's money like that…"

Bucky's brows furrowed when she said she needed money. He dug into his wallet and pulled out a card; it was the latest one he'd gotten, and he hadn't used it even once. "Take this." Y/N blinked several times at the card before looking at Bucky, jaw dropped. "Mr Barnes, you don't have to do this—" Bucky shook his head. "I do. You saved me from a big loss, Miss…?"

"Y/N Y/L/N."

"Miss Y/N. You deserve this, please, take it." She kept refusing, raising her arms in surrender in front of her chest. "Please, I really can't. It's your money, I just did my duty as a citizen…" Bucky scoffed and grabbed her hand, placing the card on it. "Please. Keep it, I insist." Y/N expertly reached her hand out and slid the card in the front pocket of his suit jacket. "No, it's your money. I, uh, I'll get going now." But before she could turn, Bucky took her hand again. "Dude, I'm not—"

"No, no, I'm not offering you my money," Bucky laughed, "If you won't take the money, I… will you go on a date with me? Please, do me at least that much of a favour." Y/N stared at him for a few seconds. He seemed kind and friendly enough, plus he was good-looking and rich, so— "Alright fine, a date it is." Bucky grinned widely. "Awesome!" He handed her his phone, and she quickly uploaded her number in it. "I'll give you a call, hopefully you're free this evening?"

See the full post

550 notes - Posted February 8, 2022

#4

safest with you

pairing: bodyguard!steve rogers x f!reader (brief mob boss!oc x f!reader)

genre: mob au; angst, smut, fluff

warnings: smut, adultery, cheating spouses, mentions of abusive households, mentions of poor mental health, mentions of marital non-con sex, domestic abuse, violence and murder. whew.

requested: nope

word count: ~8.5k

summary: y/n y/l/n is forced to marry a mobster named edmund silverstein, who turns out to be the worst husband ever. when someone attempts to assassinate y/n, he decides that y/n is in need of a bodyguard so he hires steve rogers to look after her. but y/n and steve start falling for each other and begin a secret relationship which, unfortunately, edmund finds out about. so it's okay when he cheats but it isn't when y/n does the same? steve fails to find the logic in that.

author's note: hiya peeps! my longest fic yet, i've been writing this for like... 8 days. really hope everyone likes it, enjoy!

masterlist

---

"Y/N, come downstairs this instant!"

Y/N looked up from the book she was holding. "What now," she muttered, keeping it away before trudging down the stairs, annoyed. She hated it when people interrupted her reading. "What, mother?" The second word, laced with sarcasm. "Lower your tone, miss," her mother hissed, "We have guests." That's when she noticed the three men sitting in front of her mother and her father.

The one in the middle, she'd seen him before. Alas, she didn't remember his name but she knew he was sort of like the Kingpin in the mob world. The God among men, the most revered and respected mobster of all time. "Hey, sweetheart," he winked at her as she sat next to her mom. "...Hi," she blinked after a pause. What was he doing here?

"You don't remember me? Wow, didn't think such people existed," he whistled, leaning back on his seat. "I know who you are," she bit back, "I just don't know your fucking name." She yelped when her mother slapped her arm. The man's eyebrows shot up. "Such language, my my my. Anyway, the name's Edmund, Edmund Silverstein," he chuckled.

Ah, that's it! Edmund Silverstein!

"Right, Mr Silverstein," she drawled, "Now that I've had the pleasure." A sneer took over her lips. "I shall take my leave." But as she got up to go Edmund grabbed her hand, pulling her back to him. She stumbled and fell right on top of his lap, clutching her heart. "What are you doing?" she asked, horrified.

He draped his arm over her waist and held on, his other hand coming to caress her cheek. "What's the rush? There's a thing we need to talk about with your mummy and daddy," he smirked and Y/N wiggled, begging him to let her go. "Afraid I can't do that, you'll just run again. So sit tight, angel, and listen to what your father has to say." His hold on her waist tightened, becoming uncomfortable.

Her father cleared his throat. "As you know, our family has a peaceful alliance with Mr Silverstein," he began. She agreed; they did, in fact, have one. "And um, recently we've got into some trouble so… we need you to marry Edmund." An incredulous sound escaped Y/N. "What?! Marry— what?! Dad! I'm still so fucking young, you want me to—"

"It's for everyone's benefit," he countered, "If you don't do this, we're doomed. We'll be killed, do you understand?! So if you want to save your life, and ours, marry Edmund by next week." Y/N shook her head. "First of all, I do not give a rat's ass about your lives." She gestured to both her parents. "Second, killing myself would be a better choice than—"

She did not get a chance to finish her sentence, for right at that second Edmund clamped his hand over her mouth. "How fucking dare you," he whispered in a menacing tone in her ear, "How fucking dare you say that?!" When he yelled the second question Y/N startled badly, starting to tremble on his lap. She had a condition; ever since she was born she had been terrified of loud noises.

Whether it be someone yelling, or even simply shouting with joy, she couldn't stand it. Hell, her own voice was soft, people always had to ask her to speak up when she talked. As for why she hated her parents, it was because… Growing up, Y/N was never allowed to leave the house. Never allowed to go beyond the front gates.

Her first (and only) friends were the butler and the housemaids. She grew up thinking it was normal; her parents made it seem that it was normal for kids to grow up cooped inside their houses, never allowed to leave and never permitted to make friends their age. Only when she became an adult did she realise how… not okay it was.

She got a phone at the age of 21, a few years ago. When she joined Instagram, the social media app, only then did she find out— She even reached out to a few people online, and they told her that yes, indeed, keeping her cooped up in the house was abusive and toxic.

She'd confronted her parents once about how they treated her but they deterred the topic, saying how they only did it out of love. Since then, her trust in her parents was ever-dwindling.

"Now don't be scared," Edmund crooned upon feeling her tremors, "I will keep you safe, princess, I promise your mum and dad." She took deep, shaky breaths, collapsing against his chest. He rubbed her back, turning apologetic looks unto Mr and Mrs Y/L/N. "I completely forgot she has a thing about loud noises. I'm sorry." They waved in dismissal.

"We're getting married whether you like it or not, sweetheart. Not only yours, but my head is at stake too." With that, he stood up and placed her down on the chair on which he was sitting, running his hand over her head. "See you." Pressing a small kiss on her forehead, he nodded at her parents and motioned to his goons, walking out of the room. They followed him out.

After they were gone, Mrs Y/L/N turned to Y/N. "Go to your room, you embarrassing piece of shit," she muttered and Y/N stood up, readily leaving. Once she was inside, she dramatically flung herself onto her bed, her book long forgotten as she buried her face in her arms, starting to sob.

One afternoon changed everything.

Her life, for the worse.

---

See the full post

551 notes - Posted February 17, 2022

#3

the highest bidder

pairing: retired avenger!bucky barnes x f!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: smut at the end, unprotected sex, mild degradation kink

requested: nope

word count: ~3.6k

summary: y/n's brother owns a charity. there is a date auction planned, and the highest bidder gets to go out with her. sam wilson is good friends with her brother and is invited to the auction, so he brings bucky along. bucky, when he sees y/n, decides he has to have her, no matter the cost. thank goodness avenging the world pays well ;)

author's note: hiya peeps! i saw a reel about this date auction concept a while back and really felt like writing something based on it lmao enjoy!

masterlist

---

“Y/N, can you come here for a while?” She looked up from her laptop when her name was called. Leaving her bedroom, she went downstairs to see her brother and some of his friends sitting in the living room, tense. “Is everything okay?” she asked worriedly and he looked at her. “You see, we’re organising this charity function 2 days from now…”

He sighed. Her brother and his friends owned a small but well-known charity. “The problem is,” Ken, one of the other men present there spoke up, “We were planning on holding an auction but we don’t know what to auction.” Oh, yeah, that could be a problem. “You don’t have any valuables that you can give away?” Daniel shook his head. “We did that at the last auction, now we have nothing to give.”

“How about a date auction?” Y/N blurted out. “Maybe invite rich, single men and have them bid money for a date with a woman or something? I’ve read stuff about it, it always seems to work.” The men shared glances and her brother looked at her. “But a date with whom? We don’t know any models or anything, if that’s what you’re suggesting.” Y/N leaned against the doorframe. “She doesn’t have to be a model, if she has enough societal status, that works.”

“So someone like you?” Tyler blurted out. “Me?” Y/N blinked. “Yeah! I mean, you’re not half-bad, you look nice, and you’re Y/L/N’s sister, so that’s enough of a status!” he elaborated. “And you’re single, too. Do you want to be a part of this auction?” She rubbed the back of her neck, a sad smile blooming on her face. “I don’t think anyone’s gonna bid for me, it won’t work out.” Her brother scoffed and walked up to her, slapping her back.

“Don’t be like that, idiot, you’re okay-looking! And that’s coming from me!” The others laughed as she hit his shoulder, shaking her head. “Alright fine, the highest bidder gets to go on a date with me. But if it flops or the charity doesn’t make enough money, that's on you guys, not me.” They all agreed and Y/N went back to her room, sitting in front of her laptop.

“Sure hope someone bids on me, or that’s just embarrassing,” she muttered before hitting resume, continuing to watch the show she was watching on Netflix.

---

“What, Wilson?” Bucky tiredly spoke, keeping his book down. “There's this charity function,” Sam insisted on the other side of the call, “It’s organised by my friend and he has invited me.” Bucky groaned, rolling his eyes. “Then go! Why did you feel the need to call me?” Sam clicked his tongue in annoyance. “You have to get out of your house, Barnes.”

After everything that had happened when the Avengers undid the snap, Bucky was tired. Steve went back to the past, leaving behind his friends of more than a decade for a woman he talked to in total for 2 hours and kissed once. Then he returned as an old man and died just a few months later. Stark was dead as well. Romanoff was gone. The team had scattered.

Bucky was exhausted. He’d put in his resignation just a few days after Steve’s death, and now he was a free man. No longer the Winter Soldier, but also no longer the White Wolf. He was simply James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes, a 105 year old man trapped inside the body of a 35 year old man. All he liked to do was sit at home, watch TV, read books, go grocery shopping, eat and sleep. The only people from the Avengers he had maintained contact with were Sam Wilson and Wanda Maximoff.

Lately, she hadn’t been returning his calls. Wonder what happened. “What good will it do to me if I get out of my house, Sam?” he countered. “New opportunities! You’ll meet new people, maybe get a decent girlfriend or something…” Sam always brought that up. Bucky was single; he’d been on countless dates but none of them were ever satisfactory. “Hell, this charity event has a date auction!”

“What the actual fuck is a date auction?”

“The highest bidder gets to go on a date with the organiser’s sister. She’s a super gorgeous woman, I’m sure the charity’s gonna flourish.” Bucky raised an eyebrow. They auctioned people nowadays? “Hm, that does sound interesting,” he muttered. “Then come along! You don’t even have to bid, we can just watch.” Bucky scratched his stubble-covered chin, looking down at his book. “Fine, I’m in. Just text me the date and venue of the function, I’ll meet you there.”

“Awesome. I’m texting you the day and address, be there on time, okay? And dress nicely, not like some homeless hobo who hasn’t showered in weeks.” Before Bucky could retort Sam ended the call. “I’ll have you know I shower everyday,” Bucky muttered to himself. He checked his phone; the function was 2 days later, and the venue was a mere 10 minutes away.

“Well that’s convenient,” he chuckled to himself and kept his phone away, picking his book up.

2 days passed by in a breeze. On the day of the function, Y/N was in the process of putting on her dress when there was a knock on the door. She quickly adjusted her dress before calling out, “Come in!” Her brother poked his head into her room. “You ready? The event starts in 30 minutes.” She shook her head. “Not yet, I’ve yet to do my hair and makeup, you go on ahead. I’ll meet you there.”

She wore a beautiful, shimmering golden gown that reached her ankles, had a thigh-high slit on her left leg, as well as spaghetti straps with a loose, plunging neckline that offered enough of a hint of what was underneath but still left things to the imagination. The dress fit her perfectly; she looked like a goddess in it. “That dress is cool, by the way,” her brother smiled before leaving.

It took her another half an hour to get ready. She’d even purchased matching, golden stiletto heels that were supposed to be laced up upto her knees. They matched well with the dress. Finally ready, Y/N grabbed her purse and left the house, going to the venue.

At the venue, Bucky and Sam arrived precisely at 6:30 in the evening. Mr Y/L/N was standing at the entrance and grinned when he saw the two Avengers. “Wilson, hey man!” The two shared a hug and Mr Y/L/N turned to Bucky, holding his hand out for a handshake. “Mr Barnes, it’s a real honour.” Bucky forced a smile, shaking hands with him. “Likewise, Mr…”

“Y/L/N, sir. Please, go in, have some drinks and enjoy.” Sam thanked his friend and the two of them walked in to see a lot of guests already present there, chatting with each other. Bucky noticed, though, that a lot of those guests were male, specifically, men between the ages of 25 and 40. “The bidders, probably,” Sam whispered to him, handing him a glass of whiskey.

See the full post

680 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

#2

jealousy, jealousy

pairing: ceo!steve rogers x f!reader

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: smut at the end (can you tell steve has a domesticity k*nk because— 😳) unprotected sex so don't learn anything from my fics and use some damn protection

requested: by my best fren @roguese7en 🥰

What if ceo admits his feelings to his assistant reader and she is like "you only keep me around cause you like me ? Not because of my abilities , degrees , hardworking etc etc " and she start hyperventilating like oh no that's why all her colleagues hate her and all her hardwork is washed down the drain but ceo is like " no , no I did keep you around because of how hard you work at first and you still do but I just over the months realized you are so beautiful ...... shit it came out wrong , sorry I scared you . Wait ....... who hates you ?"

word count: ~3.3k

summary: steve plans on telling y/n how he feels by calling her to his house to help him with some paperwork. but it doesn't go as planned and lot of workplace secrets are revealed... thankfully, it all works out in the end

author's note: hiya peeps! so @roguese7en has already read this fic and she liked it so i just wanna post it here because it's high time i post something lmao enjoy!

masterlist

---

"Y/N? What are you still doing here?"

Caught in the act, Y/N looked up at her boss, Steve Rogers. He was frowning at her; though it seemed like more of a confused one rather than a disappointed one. "I, uh, I just—"

Y/N Y/L/N was the assistant of CEO Steve Rogers, who owned a massive company that also had international branches. He was widely known across the globe as well; every day, without fail at lunchtime he'd go out, only to return 2 hours later. And ever since Y/N began working for him, she spent her lunch break in his office rather than with all her other colleagues in the cafeteria.

Why? They all hated her. It wasn't like a discrete thing either, they were very open about it. They called her names, bullied her, and also often told her that the only reason Steve had hired her was because he found her to be physically attractive. They even insinuated that the two had a sexual relationship, and that's how she got her job. So her degrees were just useless, right?

She avoided them like the plague; she only ever spoke to Steve, and spent all her breaks alone. But that day, Steve had apparently come back earlier than usual, and caught her sitting on the couch in his office, going through her phone. He was incredibly confused; why wasn't she outside like the rest of his employees? His office was strictly out-of-bounds for loitering around.

"You know you can tell me, right?" Steve smiled softly, taking a seat behind his desk. Y/N had started working for the man around 2 years ago; she was the best damn assistant Steve could ask for. Not only because she was super hardworking, very intelligent and amazing, but also because he… he had a mild infatuation with her, AKA he was in love with her. The woman was simply brilliant.

She was kind of overqualified for the job as well; one day, he'd asked her why she didn't just open her own company and she'd replied that that was simply not her thing. She liked the work she was doing now; managing his timetable, arranging his meetings, looking after some of his work… Plus, he was paying her well, so why would she choose stressful work when this job existed?

That had earned her massive respect from Steve. As the two continued staring at each other, Y/N sighed. "I'm sorry, it won't happen again," she muttered, rubbing her neck. "I just wanna ask, why? I've also noticed you don't talk to anyone much; is there a particular reason why?" She shook her head. "I'm just… shy, I guess." Y/N decided not to snitch on anyone, since that would only make them hate her more.

"Understandable. Should we get to work again, then?" Y/N gave him a smile and nodded, checking his timetable on her phone. "Mr Stark is coming to meet you at 3 pm, if you remember," she reminded him and he nodded, running a hand through his hair. "Right, right."

---

"Thanks so much for being here, Y/N, you are a literal angel, I swear." She chuckled bashfully at his words. "You're my boss, Mr Rogers, you know I'll do anything you ask me." Steve's mind immediately went to the gutters at her words and he cleared his throat. "Right, so there's some paperwork I need to finish and can't do it alone, so—"

"That's what I'm here for."

A few days had passed since their interaction in his office; they were at Steve's place, and it was very late at night. He'd sat doing paperwork the entire day but as the night rolled around, he realised that it was too much work for a single person. So he called the one person who he knew would never hesitate to help him— Y/N.

She'd showed up just a few minutes ago. Y/N sat down on a couch in his lavish sitting room, looking around. He lived in a luxurious skyscraper, and his apartment was easily 10 times bigger than hers. The living room was littered with comfortable couches and the view from the apartment was to die for. The "walls" were actually floor-to-ceiling windows.

She'd only ever seen an apartment like this on social media. And to be inside one? The one whose owner was her extremely hot boss? The feeling was unparalleled. Steve soon returned with two glasses and a bottle of champagne, sitting next to her with a sigh. "Oh, what's this?" Y/N blinked when he popped open the bottle, pouring the liquid into the glasses.

"I'm really tired of writing, can we start later?" She chuckled and accepted the glass from him. There was silence for a while as they had their first sip; Steve was the one who commenced a conversation. "So, how are you? Made any friends at work yet?" Looking down, she shook her head. "Nah, I don't know… maybe later." He nodded.

"Are you seeing someone?"

She tilted her head in confusion. "Asking because I thought maybe your boyfriend told you not to talk to anyone… some men are assholes like that." Y/N laughed at his words. "No, no, I don't have a boyfriend. Plus, even if I did have one, I'd certainly not date someone like that," she scoffed at the end, making Steve laugh as well. "Yeah. I'm single as well, ya know," he hinted softly.

Y/N looked at him, surprised. She genuinely didn't know, he kept his love life very secret. "You are? Seriously? No one wants to date you? Man, people have incredibly high standards then." Steve gave her a wistful smile. "It's not that, it's… the one I want probably doesn't want me. I know a lot of people who are interested in me, I'm just not interested in them." Y/N nodded.

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1,452 notes - Posted March 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

mr grumpy man

pairing: mob boss!bucky barnes x f!reader

genre: angst, fluff, smut

warnings: smut, mentions of abuse and wounds, adultery

requested: nope

word count: ~4.3k

summary: bucky kidnaps y/n because her husband owes him money. what happens when he finds out her husband is abusive?

author's note: hi guys! i crossed 1450 followers today, plus my masterlist is about to reach 1000 notes, and ngl i'm kinda excited for that, so i wanted to post. i have been writing fanfiction even though i stopped posting weekly (it's a great stress reliever). so yeah... enjoy! (also lmk if you want me to write and post a part 2, since the ending to this imo feels kind of incomplete) also ik i am reusing names but go with it, it's difficult to come up with names :(

masterlist

-

The sound of her gasp echoed around the garage as the blindfold was lifted off her eyes. Y/N blinked in the dim light, her hand trying to reach up to soothe her aching head, but— She struggled to free her tied hands, to no avail. Finally collapsing against the chair, she looked around the room as her eyes adjusted to the lights. Or the lack thereof.

A bunch of men stood ahead of her. In the centre was a tall, brunet man, his blue eyes glistening with… mirth. He seemed happy, even though his face didn’t betray an emotion. “S-Sir… Who…” Y/N choked out, thanking the Gods that her mouth was still usable. “Oh, sweetheart, you’re awake,” the man crooned, walking up to her. She peered up at him, a little scared and a lot confused. 

Bucky blinked at her. Why… Why was she looking at him like that? There wasn’t an ounce of fear he could see on her face, just— perplexion. “Mrs Silverstein,” he began. “Yeah?” He internally heaved a sigh of relief. At least he had the right person. But then why wasn’t she scared? Surely, being married to a mob boss meant she knew the danger mob bosses posed. “I’m James Barnes.” Y/N cocked her head to the side. “M-Mr Barnes, have you— kidnapped me?” 

“If you know that, why aren’t you scared?!” Bucky burst out impatiently. This woman was starting to get on his nerves with her nonchalance. “...ooh, ah, save me…” Y/N mumbled a couple seconds later, pursing her lips to keep herself from smiling. She never thought she would be, but here she was now! Kidnapped! Meaning, away from her husband! Bucky growled in annoyance. “Are you fucking mocking me or something?”

She hurriedly shook her head, lowering it in shame. “Sorry.” He huffed. “Your husband—” Y/N nearly flinched at the mention. “—has stolen a huge sum of money from me. So now, my dear, you’re going to live with me until he returns the money.” Bucky wasn’t a monster. As annoyed as the woman was making him, he had no intentions of hurting her. He simply wanted to lure Edmund, her husband, to him by using Y/N as bait.

“Wait, seriously?” Y/N realised she might have come off a little excited because Bucky raised an eyebrow at her, his men exchanging glances in shock. “You’re— happy about that?” Bucky asked, bewildered. “No I’m not,” she muttered, clearly lying. Bucky shook his head, deciding to let it go. Surely she was so… scared and traumatised that she was acting bizarrely. It had to be that. “Okay… um, untie her, I’m taking her to her room.”

Two of his men stepped forward and untied her hands and legs. Bucky expected her to kick and scream upon being untied but instead, she simply stood up, dusting her clothes. “My room, sir?” Bucky stammered incoherently. “Uh, sure,” he ended up mumbling, leading her into the mansion whose garage they were in. He kept alert; maybe once away from the guards she would act up. “Intelligent,” he thought.

But even when they were away from all the guards, just the two of them, Y/N kept demurely following him, looking up at the mansion. “Wow,” she whistled, “This is your house? It’s pretty solid, dude.” Bucky stopped in his tracks, turning to face her. “Okay, what stupid fucking game are you playing with me right now?! You really think I’m that dumb, Mrs Silverstein? You think I don’t know what you’re doing?! Playing nice until you get a chance to run back to your husband?!” 

This time, she did end up flinching at Edmund’s mention. Bucky noticed and paused, his brows furrowing in suspicion. “I don’t— I’m not playing any games. Look—” She rummaged through all her clothing. “I don’t have any weapons on me and plus my hands are recovering from injuries, so I’m not even strong enough to kill someone like you. Have you looked at yourself? You think I will be able to hurt you?” Bucky released a breath.

An awkward silence fell between them. “What are your hands recovering from?” he finally ended up asking as they commenced their walk. “Broke my bones in both hands, just a little accident, heh,” Y/N chuckled, rubbing the back of her neck. A few more minutes passed. He glanced at her. She was looking at the decoration around the house, lips pursed, as if she was about to burst into tears.

And without thinking, he asked the one question a kidnapper never asks their victim.

“Are you okay?”

A teardrop leaked down Y/N’s eye and she hurriedly wiped it off, clearing her throat. “Yeah.” What the fuck was her deal? They soon stopped outside a bedroom; Bucky opened the door, revealing— “This is the most beautiful room I’ve ever seen!” Y/N gasped, awed. The colour scheme was pretty, there was an attached bathroom and also a balcony! "This makes my architect heart really happy."

"You're an architect?" Bucky couldn't help but ask again. "I was, before I got married. Edmund didn't like that I worked, he then started keeping me at home," she revealed. Bucky found himself getting annoyed again but this time not by Y/N, by Edmund. "Well, uh, you've seen everything. Spare clothes are in the wardrobe, um, the shower has clean water if you want to clean up… there's facewash and body wash in the bathroom and also toothpaste and a toothbrush."

"Aren't you, like, my kidnapper? Why such nice treatment?" Y/N wondered. "I have no personal vendetta against you, I'm after your husband. And I'm using you as bait. So don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you. That's how my mob functions." A smile bloomed on her face. "That's a nice way to function. Uh, I'll see you then, Mr Barnes." Bucky licked his dry lips. "Yeah, s-see you."

He left her room, closing the door behind him. But he simply stood there, his thoughts racing. The way she wasn't upset that she was kidnapped, the way she flinched earlier when he mentioned her husband, and how sad she looked when she told him her husband didn't allow her to work after they got married. All the proof was there— She disliked him. Y/N disliked Edmund. But was there more to it?

Was she only upset about her job, or maybe something more? Bucky shook his head, heading to his own room. Now that he knew, her previous behaviour didn't seem so… annoying anymore. 

-

The next morning, Bucky woke up with Y/N on his mind. Immediately upon getting out of bed, he rushed to Y/N's room, pausing before knocking. When she didn't open the door, his nose scrunched and he pushed the door open, freezing when he saw her naked in the middle of the room, a pair of his shorts in her hands. The spare clothes he'd given her. Y/N froze as well, the water from her wet hair dripping on the floor. She had just finished taking a shower. 5 uncomfortable minutes later, both of them snapped out of it.

Bucky was staring at her body. "My men didn't raise a finger on you," he whispered as she hurriedly covered herself with her towel. "Mr Barnes—" He entered the room, slamming the door shut behind him as he closed the distance between them. "I told them not to. Then what is this?" Her body was covered in scars big and small, and also healing bruises. Some that looked an angry red, some black and blue, while the almost healed ones looked yellow-green.

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2,142 notes - Posted November 9, 2022

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[astrobydalia]

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨Relationship observations pt. II💘

Hello guys!! In honor of Valentine’s day here’s a part II of one of the posts you loved the most which is relationship observations. This one is pretty long which is what you guys preferred. Hope you like it!

Credit: Tumblr blog @astrobydalia

💘 People with pisces ASC/moon/venus, Venus in the 12th and Neptune in the 7th or conjunct the ASC-DSC axis: it’s so SO easy to make them feel guilty. The type of people to easily feel like it’s their fault when others mistreat them and bc of this they could be more prone to attracting abusive people and narcissists

💘 Also, nobody talks about this and I understand why bc Neptune can be very tricky planet but I think it’s worth mentioning that Neptune is a very spiritual planet that represents unconditional love and therefore can mean true love or a real soul connection so the ruler of the 7th house making an aspect to Neptune, Neptune in the 7th, Juno in the 12th, 12th house synastry etc. can mean true love and a real soul connection in marriage. HOWEVER true love and a real soul connection feeling can often be confused with delusions which is why this planet gets such bad press in relatioships and remember 12th house a lot of times is karma so PLEASE be careful

💘 Venus ruling the 7th, venus in the 7th or Venus aspecting the ruler of the 7th indicates a strong desire to marry for love. Very possible that the person won’t marry unless it’s for love. This also indicates good marriage life

💘 If you don’t have this it of course doesn’t mean you won’t marry for love or won’t marry at all so don’t worry. What I’ve seen in people who don’t have this is they are quite independent when it comes to relationships, they don’t mind getting married but they don’t mind not getting married or staying single either. While people who do have this Venus influence could be low-key obsessed with getting married or having a commitment/relationship

💘 Mercury ruling the 7th, mercury in the 7th or Mercury aspecting the ruler of the 7th indicates marring someone that is funny, someone you can always joke around with

💘 Don’t overlook Chiron in synastry. The house where someone else’s Chiron falls in your own chart could be where you feel like this person is a pain in the ass or where this person will help you achieve great potential

💘 Check Chiron in composite too, it represents where you may feel like you can never agree on or where you often agree to disagree

💘 Once you gain the trust of someone with Taurus Venus they are the absolute SWEETEST people ever

💘 Libra Venus love getting ready for someone special

💘 Check the ascendant in your Juno persona chart, it has some significance as to the energy around you meeting your spouse similar to a composite rising but more subtle energy. For ex. one of my friends has gemini rising in her Juno persona chart and she met her husband when we were in high school when she was about to be picked up by car and she was also holding books in her hands and when she saw him he was with his brother.

💘 The rising in the Juno persona chart also indicates appearance or overall vibe of spouse. For ex the husband of this friend I just told you previously (Gemini rising in her Juno pesona chart) has a very youthful and boyish vibe almost like a teenager he’s also very witty

>>>The actual composite rising you end up having with your spouse or the natal rising sign of your spouse doesn’t have to be the same as the rising of your Juno persona chart. I’ve seen this actually happening before but it doesn’t have to be

💘 In 4th house synastry specially with sun/moon/rising/venus, the house person will naturally see the planet person as a parent or a potential parent. Meaning, somehow the house person “judges” the planet person by deliberating how they’d be as a parent. With this overlay the house person naturally takes care of the needs of the planet person (said needs will be determined by the planet and sign in question) and that’s why the planet person will inevitably see the house person as a good potential parent

💘 There are lots of placements and asteroids that indicate your sexual turn ons but I think that the most potent ones are Lilith, Eros, your 8th house and the ruler of the 8th house. I’ve noticed that these represent specially erogenous zones for you and parts of the body you’re specially attracted to (aside from your kinks and stuff). For example Cancer: breast or nipple, Gemini: lips or hands, Taurus: waist and neck, Leo: hair or back, Sagittarius: hips or thighs etc.

💘 Mars can represent this too but what I’ve seen is that your mars represents more so HOW you like to have sex. It mostly represents how you like to physically approach the sexual act

  💘 8th house represents your sex style, the overall vibe or attitude you want in the sexual act. For ex you may like being dominant during sex with mars in Capricorn but want the sexual act to feel emotional and vulnerable with Cancer in the 8th or raw and fiery with Aries in the 8th

💘 Also, your 8th house is EVERYTHING when it comes to feeling satisfied sexually regardless of your kinks and turn ons. If you have sex that checks all the boxes for all your kinks/turn ons but doesn’t match up with your 8th house energy you will likely end up feeling low-key unsatisfied

💘 Couples with their moons in sister signs (or opposing moons) are either the perfect couple or a fucking disaster

💘 In my opinion, Sun-Moon, Sun-Sun or Moon-moon contacts in synastry are essential for a relationship to work out or last

💘 People with Juno retrograde are the MOST cautious when it comes to marriage, they could be a bit picky and often give the impression they’re not interested in commitment at all specially if it’s placed in Aquarius it gives huge Mr./Mrs Independent vibes

💘 Juno in a water sign gives player vibes, they are the type jump from person to person and likely have a long history of flings and flirting. These people have dated around A LOT and will only commit to that one person that truly manages to capture their heart deeply

💘 Juno in a fire sign are the type of people that wanna marry their crush two weeks or even days into meeting them. They often mistake “attraction at first sight” for “love at first sight”. The second they feel they have real good chemistry with someone they think it’s the love of their life

💘 Juno in an Air sign people need to feel like they really click with someone and they will want to commit only after really getting to know the person. They fall in love with the person’s mind first. They can easily un-crush someone in a second if they don’t like the person’s mind

💘 Juno in an Earth sign people are the most coutios when it comes to commitment. They migh deliberately delay marriage just to be SURE they are getting a reliable future and wanna be certain that it’s the absolute right time

💘 Before starting with the composite observations, you should know that synastry is the dynamic between two people but composite represents what the relationship really is, so that’s why on this post I’m focusing on composite

💘 I’ve noticed that the 2nd house in a composite chart indicates the “glue” or foundation of the relationship, its stability. Mars in this house could create a relationship based on sex for example, Venus a relationship based on love and affection, Saturn a relationship based on stability and compromise etc.

💘 4th house and moon in the composite represents the depths of the relationship. How you guys feel deep down about each other, how you make each other feel. This part of your relationship shows specially when you get true and honest with what are your real feelings

💘 Aquarius or Uranus in the 4th house, Aquarius moon or Moon conjunct Uranus in the composite creates a whole deal of emotional detachment for each other. Could be very emotionally cold to each other and one or both could see the other as insensitive specially if one of them has natal water or fire moon

💘 Aquarius Sun or risings in the composite however is huge best friend vibes regardless of the nature of the relationship. Moon conjunction Uranus can also get away with giving this vibe

💘 Virgos and Scorpios naturally find each other because they tend to have composite Sun in Libra :) So that togetherness and companionship energy is natural for them

💘 Aries moon in the composite chart is that type of relationship where any insult actually means “I love you”. Is that type of dynamic where one’s like “I love you, stupid bitch” and the other goes “🥰🥰” and then they both laugh

💘 Pisces moon in the composite is cute but also a bit tricky if afflicted, the couple could constantly feel they have to watch themselves in order to not hurt or offend the other, like constantly walking on eggshells. Needless to say also these relationships are very intuitive, if one or both are lying or hidding something (which often happens with this placement I’ve seen), the other just KNOWS

💘 Saturn in the 7th in the composite is very good aspect for staying together long-term but it can also mean that the couple is for some reason “forced” to be together or to see each other. They come together due to circumstances and not necessarily by choice (Saturn represents responsibilities, burdens or obligations). You have to look for indicators of love and romance otherwise it’s gonna be a relationship that stays together but more out of duty than real love

💘 Juno in the 4th house in the composite (specially conjunct some planet) is more indicative of marriage (or loyalty/compromise) than Juno in the 1st

💘 Vesta exactly conjunct South Node in the composite creates a STRONG soul-mate feeling and great devotion. These relationships are so long lasting the type where you just know you’re gonna be together your entire life

💘 Chiron in the 1st in the composite chart = feeling uncomfortable with each other, like you’re incompatible or like you don’t click together at all. Can also create a “can’t be together” vibe but not in a platonic Pisces way it’s more like there’s some incompatibility that can’t be salvaged and “stops” the couple from meeting/coming together or the relationship from taking place at least at first. Basically the relationship feels broken before even starting. The sign Chiron is in gives insight as to what’s the nature of this incompatibility.

💘 Saturn in the 8th in the composite = reluctance to have sex, one might have been sexually rejected by the other

💘 Chiron in the 10th in the composite = you don’t like working with this person. I have this with one of my best friends, we tried to run an IG page together and it was a disaster lmao

💘 Sun and maybe Venus in the 10th house in the composite indicates your relationship is source of gossip or at the very least everybody knows about your relationship

💘 If a composite planet or point falls in your natal 10th house then the relationship might affect your reputation

💘 The most harmonious and the most healthy relationships I’ve seen had empty 7th house empty 12th and empty 8th house in the composite. Literally 0 drama, 0 tensions, 0 codependency and surprisingly unbreakable (supported by other aspects of course)

💘 With that said the number 1 best house for synastry or composite in my opinion and based on what I have seen is the 9th house both friendship and relationship, also the 5th, 4th, 2nd, 11th, 3rd

💘 People who have your DSC sign as their moon sign will strike you quite strongly. Not necessarily their moon falling in your 7th or conjunct the DSC (tho this is stronger) I’ve seen that the fact that someone has your DSC sign as their moon sign is enough to create a little “crush” feeling or you feel like you can’t hate that person bc may see them as cute.

💘 The people I’ve seen that have gone through a harsh divorce mostly had in their natal chart: North Node in the 7th, Chiron in the 7th house, Saturn rx in the 7th house, Jupiter Square Uranus and planets or angles in Aquarius degrees (11°, 23°) specially if Venus or Moon are in these degrees or conjunct a planet that is in these degrees. These indicators can apply to breaking up a long-term relationship, breaking an engagement, etc. except probably Jupiter square Uranus. This one is particularly a divorce aspect specially in women’s charts. Also, side note, if Pluto or Uranus are involved, these people may have a devastating divorce or breakup 

💘 Composite planets in the composite 12th house can create a feeling like the relationship has an expiration date. One or both people are for some reason constantly anxious that the relationship might end. If they stay feeding these energy they’ll likely have a self-fulfilling prophecy

💘 Pisces rising in the composite makes for a very psychic bond. Could be the type of relationship where you’re thinking and wondering about them and boom they suddenly text you. These people are usually there for each other bc they intuitively know when to be

💘 This is probably a no-brainer but many life-long friendships I’ve seen had stelliums or planets in the 5th house-11th house axis or the 3rd house-9th house axis of the composite

💘 With Leo rising in the composite I’ve noticed these people always have very funny stories to tell about stuff they’ve been through and lived together. There’s a lot of “remember when...” followed by loud laughter. 

💘 North north node in the composite 5th house is a great placement

💘 6th house placements in the composite and synastry creates a dynamic where the two people and the relationship itself ends up feeling extremely predictable. The couple may find one specific routine or activity they like doing together or they always find themselves doing the same 3 activities every time they are together. This can be good or bad depending on what you want in a relationship, some people find it extremely boring or understamulating and others prefer it because it gives them a sense of stability or reliability

💘 Moon conjunct Chiron in composite is indicative of a healing relationship

Credit: Tumblr Blog @astrobydalia

[oflosechesters]

for anyone curious, the following meta and the elaboration below are in relation to this post. i posted this to another blog of mine, but i felt i should share it on my personal as well.

okay, i actually genuinely don’t wanna shut up about the significance of miracle because it’s possibly one of the most redeemable qualities of the spn finale. it’s actually really important, even if you don’t like the circumstances surrounding it.

at first i just sort of went off about it in some tags:

#this is the only good thing about that entire finale #it is the one thing i actually loved from a meta perspective in terms of dean's archetype #so i gotta have the puppy snuggles on the blog i'm so sorry #other than that this is largely a finale free blog lmao #i actually have a Lot of feelings about dean being given a dog #and naming the dog miracle #am i gonna end up writing meta about a dog? possibly #in broad strokes: dean has always been the archetype of a soldier #but never once has he been allowed to be a veteran #the dog very much is representative of that #it's very commonplace for veterans to have emotional support animals #dogs in particular #the way miracle launches into dean's arms after dean's just woken up is indicative to me that it's commonplace #likely after nightmares #which means that (for me) dean's PTSD is being subtly addressed #which means when i retcon the disaster of a finale for my portrayal miracle is absolutely staying #spn 15.20

but there’s so much more to it than that. 

the thing about the dog, if we’re staying within the context of the canon, is that this is a dean who has lost everything (keep that wording in mind, because we’ll be coming back to it). the war is won, and he's come home, but the cost was high. we also know that dean has canonically suffered from PTSD since the end of s3, though it’s not always been explicitly addressed in the following seasons. regardless, it's an aspect of his character that is widely established and recognized.

much like in s4, and after the purgatory storyline in s8, dean’s PTSD is shown to manifest itself largely through substance abuse, anger management struggles resulting in bouts of extreme violence, and nightmares. it’s a thread throughout the narrative whether it’s consistently addressed or not. more importantly in terms of the dog: dean is never allowed to heal, because the war wages on.

by the series finale, the war is won, but the cost is castiel’s life. what does the dog have to do with castiel, you ask? more than you might first think. i don’t want to get too deep in the paint, so i’m going to focus primarily on 13.01, dean’s grief arc in early s13 in general, and some key aspects of s15.

returning to the concept of being left with a dean who has lost everything, i want to point out a choice of dialogue in 13.01. the following is said during a scene of mourning, after they’ve lost castiel, and dean is left to wrap his body for burial.

dean [voice breaking]: we’ve lost everything. and now you’re gonna bring him back. okay? you’re gonna bring back cas.

this scene is the beginning of a several episode long grief arc where dean is depicted classically as a mourning widower in terms of cinematography (viewed on bended knee from above, distant and distraught after the death scene itself at the end of s12), and is then shown to slip into apathetic suicidal tendencies. his substance abuse reaches such a low that he quite literally drinks himself to death, but death will not take him, despite his wishes. he rages at sam for being able to move on so easily, in 13.03, patience:

dean: and what about cas? sam: what about cas? dean: he manipulated him, he made him promises, said, “paradise on earth” and cas bought it. and you know what that got him? it got him dead! now you might be able to forget about that, but i can’t!

the grief arc firmly establishes castiel as being representative of dean winchester’s hope, and the will to live. this is reinforced throughout s13 – s15, as it is further mirrored in later episodes, such as in act 3 of 15.09, the trap, in which sam is shown alternate futures. in every future where dean has lost castiel, he is shown to have lost his hope, and his will to continue on.

dean: no, sam. it doesn't matter. sam: what are you saying? dean: what i've been trying to say for months. it's time... time to stand down. sam: you want to quit? what's happened to you, dean? ever since— dean: ever since what? we lost pretty much everyone we’ve ever cared about? ever since the mark made cas go crazy? ever since i had to bury him in a ma’lak box? ever since then?

these follow an old tradition within the writing of spn that can be pointed at as early as 5.04, the end (“cas, too?”): castiel is always singled out apart from the rest. castiel, an angel, who saw worth in dean when dean couldn’t see it in himself. an angel who became his best friend, and loved him when dean couldn’t love himself. castiel, who saved him the moment they met, and saved him in death, as seen in 15.18, despair. given everything preceding this, it’s evident that this is not a small loss for dean. when they lose cas, dean loses the will to go on.

in losing cas that final time, cas’ confession — his assertion that dean is full of love, not anger — finally seems to break through. when fighting the main antagonist of s15, he is called “the ultimate killer.” at one time, dean would’ve agreed with this. but after cas’ confession, he denies it, and firmly says, “that's not who i am.” because that’s not who cas fell in love with. point being: castiel’s sacrifice affects dean enormously.

at the end of all things, when dean crosses the threshold from soldier to veteran because the war is won, he has a dog and he names him miracle; which harkens back to a scene when dean indirectly referred to cas as ‘his miracle,’ because truly: who’s been performing miracles in dean’s life over the past 11 seasons? the name holds a heavy weight and bears a large significance in the face of his loss.

by the end of s15, we now have a dean that is allowed to rest, and in resting, he is allowed to begin to heal. and the thing that is representative of this crossing of the threshold from soldier to veteran is giving the veteran an emotional support dog. that dean names miracle. something that is saving him, day by day, even in small ways. it’s just not only important for dean's development and healing after finally making that transition, it’s also the lasting influence castiel still has, even in death. it’s absolutely heartbreaking, especially when one considers how many of dean’s nightmares, stemming from his PTSD, canonically revolve around losing castiel — as is shown in early s8 through the purgatory storyline; therefore it is not incongruous to assume similar nightmares would crop up after the events of 15.18. and we’re shown this.

the dog jumping into bed for cuddles after dean wakes up is just so telling. but the way dean wraps around the dog, clinging? it’s the most telling.

granted, there is every possibility that i am giving the show too much credit (as it’s been shown we, as fans, are wont to do). but the concept of death of the author was quite literally pushed into the narrative of s15, and i personally like to think that no matter what else happened in 15.20, certain things remain significant and have bearing on the story, even if unintentionally so. that’s sort of just always been spn’s way of doing things.

[kanmom51]

Hey Kanmom51! I saw this ask for @stormblessed95 and I really wanted to hear your input too. You, stormblessed95 and @akookminsupporter are my top 3 favourite blogs on Tumblr and I love getting to know more about you guys!

“Can I ask you what made you want to open a blog on Kookmin? The step from being a casual Jikooker who keeps up with content to actually creating their own page for it isn’t something everyone does (and I’m so glad you did). Also, does the rest of your family and friend circle know about it? Lastly, how many followers have you reached up until now?☺️💜”

PS anon if you happen to see this, sorry for stealing your question!!😅 I don’t mean to plagiarize haha (all the credits goes to the original anon!) but I love these types of asks.

Thanks for your support anon. :)

Can I ask you what made you want to open a blog on Kookmin? The step from being a casual Jikooker who keeps up with content to actually creating their own page for it isn’t something everyone does (and I’m so glad you did).

Funny thing is that my answer is pretty similar to @stormblessed95 & @akookminsupporter.

I started out looking for BTS content and after recognizing Jikook's interactions I wanted to read more about it, to do my research per say. I too border on being obsessive when I find something of interest. Another obsession of mine is everything Disney/Disney world/ Disneyland, and up to discovering BTS that was my no. 1 point of interest (Disney world and Disneyland Vlogs & Blogs). I'm a child at heart, what can I do?

Anyway, I digress, I love a good mystery too. That's a thing I excel at, reading people's behaviour, reading and evaluating evidence being my bread and butter for over 20 years now. So, this was perfect for me. I discovered Tmblr (which I wasn't on prior to this) and started looking for what I felt were reliable, levelheaded Blogs. I sent in a couple of asks to start with and read more and more and researched more and more. At some point I just started to post things I felt were interesting. I decided to delve into JK/JM's timeline, and share my thoughts, and that's where it all started. As someone that hadn't been in the fandom long, I really appreciated those Blogs that took their time to answer asks, and I am also all for a healthy discussion. I love talking to other likeminded bloggers, but I also don't mind being challenged by those that may think differently than me, as long as the discussion is healthy and respectful. I believe that challenging our own train of thoughts, our conclusions, is a healthy thing once in a while. Re-evaluating and even strengthening our beliefs.

does the rest of your family and friend circle know about it?

Yes, most do. Though none really show an interest in it. I do talk to my hubby about this once in a while, though it doesn't interest him that much. I'd say he and I are kind of the mom & dad in House of army. Lol. My girls are anti-shipping (scarred by Larry), so I don't talk about it with them too much.

how many followers have you reached up until now?

I'm at around the 800 followers mark at the moment. Can't really believe it. Lol. When I just started and reached 80 followers I was in seventh heaven. It blows my mind that so many people come to my blog and enjoy what I write. I am super appreciative to every single one of them and will do my best not to disappoint them in days to come. If my words can help even one person in a time of weakness or hardship, then this is all worth it.

Love y'all.

[innovativestruggles]

SouGou theories, thoughts and speculations based on canonical evidence

Alright, I know I am so epically late to the party just like I was with Haikyuu and TsukiYachi but I am here now and I am so sad that a lot of the SouGou shippers have...disappeared...

Regardless, I still want to put forward my own thoughts and speculations on these two because they have given me brainrot over the past few weeks. 

So much like the earlier post I did with TsukiYachi, this one will be similar, except I am basing everything on the anime as I have not read the light novel (tbh light novels aren’t really my thing so...). Just to reiterate, when I make any speculations and theories, they are always based on canonical evidence, and of course my own interpretation. I put forward solid evidence so people can see where I am coming from and what I am yapping on about. People are free to draw their own conclusions of what they see in canon, so just because I have a theory with evidence, it does not invalidate another person’s theory of the same evidence...if that makes sense?

Every time I watch a new anime, I always come in with a very neutral mindset. I have a fascination with relationships (hence my ship heavy blog) so I ship characters based on their level of chemistry and compatibility.

Because I am so fashionably late to the party, a lot of the speculations below have been discussed by other SouGou fans. Essentially when I read some of their posts, they pretty much validated what I saw. So I want to credit all those SouGou stans who did the hard yard first on their speculations of these two. This post may already have what was speculated, but it’s nice to have it all in one big post. I will of course add my own thoughts and interpretations as well. So, happy reading!

WARNING: THIS IS A VERY LONG POST

Gou’s Relationship with Other Characters

Sousuke did not make his debut until Season 2, so for all of Season 1, the focus was on Gou and the other characters. To be honest, nothing stood out to me in terms of shipping potential with Gou in Season 1. I do not go into watching anime with the intention of shipping characters - the shipping just automatically occurs when two characters have good chemistry. So with Gou in Season 1, all I saw was a manager being incredibly supportive, friendly, strong willed and determined to see her friends through the swimming club. You may have read my other post on Free! and toxic masculinity, but I did mention in there that what I loved most about Free! was the friendship and the emotional vulnerability. Because Gou is a side character, we never get to see too much of her and how she would develop as a character outside her obsession with muscles. But as viewers, we get the gist of her sweet personality.

Kyoto Animation

Before I dive into the speculations, I want to point out something with KyoAni. For starters, this studio is known for its amazing adaptational works of manga and light novels. When it comes to anime that does not purely focus on romance, they are so so so good with romantic undertones. As much as I do enjoy romance anime, I enjoy ones with subtle undertones of romance even more. I have watched a large portion of anime from KyoAni and I can definitely come to the above conclusion. Although Free! is not a romance genre, there is very subtle light teasing of potential developments between certain characters. Like I mentioned in my Free! post on toxic masculinity, I will disregard that just because the male characters are hugging, crying and showing vulnerable emotions to each other, it does not necessarily mean that there is a romantic development. The very subtle undertones of romance I could see is mostly between Gou, Sousuke and Momo (I will explain more later). So what I am trying to point out in this paragraph is that Free! does have minute traces of romance, because based on what other anime KyoAni produced, there are similarities in how they portray romantic undertones.

SouGou Initial Meeting

The initial meeting did not particularly stand out to me until I watched more scenes and interactions between SouGou later on in the series. What I noticed was the level of admiration Gou has for Sousuke. Again, this was not apparent when I watched the initial meeting scene on its own. I had to see a culmination of scenes between them to realise.

Oh gosh just look at how happy she is seeing Sousuke. If you go back and watch this scene again, she legit just shoved Momo out the way and ran to Sousuke. Lmao poor Momo!

Also....

Momo still staring at SouGou the whole time...

Momo getting pissy lololol (and super jelly)

Gou just looking so happy staring after Sousuke...ughh my heart....

Middle School

Just something I picked up. When Rin transferred to Iwatobi during middle school, it sounded like Gou did not go with him. So she stayed behind in the same middle school together with Sousuke after Rin left. See below.

Because Gou is one year younger than Sousuke, the scene above just sounded like he stopped talking to her when he left for Tokyo when he was a first year high school student and she a third year middle school student...and then the below scene confirmed when and the reason...

In the above scene, Sousuke explained that he hurt his shoulder in the summer of his first year of high school, and then he heard from Gou that Rin was visiting Japan at the time, so I am guessing SouGou must have stopped talking to each other around that time when Sousuke injured his shoulder. The injury was most likely why he stopped talking to her because he knew the consequences...that if Rin found out through Gou... then yeah... so to him it was better to cut off contact with both siblings...omg my heart...my poor baby Sousuke...

Anyways, point is they were definitely still talking when Rin went to Iwatobi and then later Australia. So I wonder how close they were to each other...? They do sound very close...wonder if they walked to and from school together...omfg my heart hurts again...aaaahhhhhhh

Childhood Friends

This trope is so cute and I really like the whole ‘he is my brother’s best friend’ kind of thing. Because we all know how overprotective Rin is of Gou and if there is anyone who is good enough for her, Rin would definitely think it be Sousuke.

LOOK AT HOW PRECIOUS THEY ARE OMG. Love this official artwork of all three of them. And Sousuke has such a sweet gentle expression when he is looking at Gou...

Best part also is that subtle teasing of these two. Anime is always about camera work and specific panels as well, so it just looked like to me that they really wanted to emphasise this scene between SouGou. The snow, the Christmas tree, the childhood friends - all in one frame.

Indirect Moments

These are the moments that started me on the SouGou ship! 

Gou sees Sousuke at the train station right after he has been brooding about his shoulder injury

Gou sees Sousuke at the hospital

What I really really liked about these scenes is that every single time Sousuke was having a down moment, or a vulnerable moment in relation to his shoulder injury, Gou happened to be there and witness it. It may be coincidental that she always happen to be in a place and time when Sousuke wasn’t feeling great. I was initially wondering why she never approached him in the moment and then you look at Sousuke’s pissy face and that’s probably why lmao. Regardless, Gou probably knew his state of mind, and hence decided to leave him to it. The look she gave him was more out of curiosity rather than concern but because the anime never went into detail about what she was thinking at the time, it’s hard to tell. Most important thing is that Gou was there during his vulnerable moments, before anyone knew of his shoulder injury...

Jelly Momo

Ngl, I absolutely love Momo, not only because he’s a hilarious character but because Sousuke always unintentionally cockblocks him when it comes to Gou. I just find it so funny. The poor thing. And Gou just has absolutely zero interest in him....

The thing is, Momo knows that Sousuke constantly gets in the way...it has happened several times already and I think he is also beginning to realise that Gou is probably quite fond of Sousuke, hence his very vocal comment about paying attention to him. i just love it how the anime framed it like this because you know it’s a running gag going on between all three.

Also, the look on Sousuke’s face in that above scene...you can’t see it but if you go back and watch it, and it’s only a split second when Momo moves his head, it’s absolutely hilarious. He legit has a “wtf” look on his face 😂

Just going to put this above scene here where Momo gets dragged away. Poor thing. I think at this point, Gou is catching on to something with Sousuke...

After Momo bombarded Gou with his hilarious hobbies, these two just ended up alone together ❤️

Season 3′s ending credits depict a lot of parallels between characters as well as some level of competitiveness between them. So maybe it is just a coincidence here but Sousuke and Momo together probably continues to depict the hilarious running gag between them and Gou. LOL!

Gou’s Concern

No really, when Sousuke walked out and decided to swim with his shoulder injury, the concerned look on Gou’s face. This was the first time in the whole entire series (season 3 included) where Gou showed this much concern...my heart. 

When there are problems in the Iwatobi swim club related to a character, a lot of the issues and concerns revolved around the other characters helping each other (Gou would be excluded). She is just a supporting character that does not get a lot screen time. Aside from her managerial duties, we don’t see too much of her during important/significant moments for a main character - unless she is interacting with Rin in some way. So her very minimal “interactions” with Sousuke during his vulnerable moments are considered somewhat significant (even if she just saw him walking by) because they are more symbolic than anything.

Off Screen Interactions

Okay, the amount of times Sousuke talked about Gou...they clearly talk a lot off screen and whether that be through text messages, phone calls or meeting up, I believe they are a combo of all three. I have several reasons to believe that they do hang out together quite a bit. 

1. The amount of times Gou keeps bumping into Sousuke randomly (ngl the times the audience sees is probably only a fraction to what actually goes on behind the scenes) 

2. In the later episodes, they have been seen walking home together. 

3. Some of the things Sousuke said to Rin about Gou would warrant more of a face to face conversation rather than something through text message. I mean unless they talk on the phone (that would be so fucking adorable aaaaahhhhhh) 

4. In the CD drama, they have been shown to hang out just the two of them over mediocre stuff so I am sure that would have met up and talked more about other more deeper things with each other

Gou obviously confided in Sousuke how lonely she felt because her older bro was neglecting her

LOOK AT THE AMOUNT OF TIMES HE TALKED ABOUT HER! That obviously indicated they do interact quite some bit off screen. Judging from the things they talked about, it sounded like she was filling him in with what’s going on in her life..and you know just every day stuff... I love it! They are so casual and so comfy with each other <33333333

Platinum Abs

Not counting the fact that I almost choked on my drink when I saw this for the first time, but I was curious to see what Gou thought of them. So I waited....and waited...and waited...and it never came, despite the fact that she was in his presence multiple times when he was looking like this....

And I came across several older posts that pointed this out and it totally validated what I felt as well. Gou, the muscle obsessive freak has not spoken a word about Sousuke’s nationally ranked swimmer’s perfect body. WILL YOU JUST LOOK AT THEM? HE’S FUCKING MASSIVE!! Like..all over....holy shit just look at those guns...like damn fine man.... anyways... so Gou, why have we not heard a single word from you about them? To her, they are probably the best of all the characters in the series ...

And my guess is... Sousuke is most likely special to her. She does not see him as merely an object of muscles (much like she does with the other characters including her own bro) but something more. And whether that is consciously or unconsciously, the outcome is still the same. Because when someone means a lot to you and if you like someone in that way, you are less likely to see them as an object of some fantasy...

The OVA

Yo not gonna leave this one out and if there is anything that really pushed this ship further, it was definitely the OVA.

Sousuke is so pedantic about what people call him (unless you are Nagisa...which he has almost no words for ...). So the only one who can add “kun” to his name is Gou <333333

I’m not going to delve too deeply into this as

1. It is self explanatory

2. A lot of people have already discussed this topic

But, overprotective Sousuke being a sweet guy and lending Gou his jacket is something out of a shojo manga. Even more shojo is that he;

1. Did it himself and not just giving the jacket to her

2. Got overly pissed off at Ai for drenching Gou

3. COULDN’T LOOK AT GOU WHEN HE GAVE HER THE JACKET....like the whole time....ksfklafkhgdshgjdsh

Sousuke isn’t very good with expressing himself, so this scene, out of his own sheer awkwardness, really played into the intimate nature of this potential ship. I’ll explain more later...

P. S. LOOK AT HOW ENORMOUS THE JACKET LOOKS ON GOU...she so schmol (and Sousuke is just massive...). Legit they look like a couple on a date...

Sunset Meeting

Ngl when I first started watching Season 3, this scene came out so unexpectedly I had to replay it just so it would process in my mind that it happened. But aside from the fact that it was framed in a shojo manga kinda way i.e. Gou running towards Sousuke, then walking together in the sunset and then talking about deep and meaningful stuff...you get the drift...I absolutely loved it how Gou was the very first person Sousuke told about his surgery’s success. Omg..swimming and the success of the surgery just meant so much to him and he was already telling Gou about it...

Everything about the particular scene was so so intimate. The scenery, the conversation, the tone of voice, the colours used......everything! Just look at how happy Gou is....

And damn they walked home together ... my heart cannot take it anymore aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

Running Gag

I did notice this trend going on but it didn’t cross my mind until I read a post that it was like a thing between SouGou. Honestly it is so so cute! Gou has this excited pitched, giggle-ish, admiration-like tone every single time she calls out and runs to him. It’s so sweet. You actually never hear it ever when she talks or calls out to any other characters in the series, so Sousuke is indeed very special to her <3

Also...something about Sousuke walking alone and Gou either noticing him or running to him...

Gou and Momo’s Mistaken Date vs. Gou and Sousuke’s Mistaken Date

In Part 4 of the Free Take Your Marks movie, Rin walks by a burger shop and noticed Momo and Gou sitting together and having lunch. He mistakenly thought they were going out on a date, and before the rest of the Iwatobi team could come to the table after order their food, Rin gets a call from Sousuke telling him that he cannot find his way. So Rin dashes off to save Sousuke still with the misunderstanding. The episode is absolutely hilarious on Rin’s part.

Then in the CD drama, there is a story titled “Sousuke and Gou’s secret date.” Of course it is a case of ‘mistaken identity’ but as I stated earlier, these two would hang out with each other to discuss superficial things, so I am certain that they do hang out with each other on occasions to talk about other more deep and meaningful things as well. Considering the things Sousuke has been telling Rin about Gou, you can make an educated guess that SouGou do have their alone times quite a bit off screen.

Anyways, so this is the part where I believe Free has its subtle romantic undertones. I mentioned in my toxic masculinity post that when the male characters were being vulnerable, hugged or cried, that it does not necessarily mean they are gay, or that there would be any romantic development between the characters. You could say the same with SouGou as well, however, the difference lies in how the anime framed it, and the biggest tip that pushed from just a friendship kind of thing to a teasing of a potential romantic thing is the “secret date” part and the running gag between Gou, Sousuke and Momo. We know Momo clearly has romantic interest in Gou, and the interesting thing is...Sousuke being placed in between Gou and Momo numerous times throughout the anime to signify that there is a potential triangle going on. Does this make sense? It is the nuances as a viewer that you can pick up, and it is even more so if you can understand Japanese. I sometimes switch the subtitles off and really just watch what they say and it’s a completely different view. Hard to explain...but that is the vibe I get.

Extras

I just had to put this scene in. JUST LOOK AT GOU LOOKING AT SOUSUKE OMG. She totally loves him <3 YOU CAN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE!!!

I always love me some official artwork of these two, and disregarding the fact that there are four other guys around and Nagisa just being the little helper he is, SouGou wrestling is something I just need to have in my life <3 I just love the light subtle tease between these two. Thank you KyoAni! And them holding hands... I’m ded...

Sousuke’s Feelings

This is purely interpretation based on what I have seen so far and of course when I am writing a full post like this about SouGou, it does help piece the puzzle together a little more. Tbvh, I strongly believe that Sousuke has repressed feelings for Gou. My reasoning is quite complex. Sousuke is a bit of a difficult character. He is aloof, serious and can be standoffish. He is not good with expressing his emotions and feelings, yet he does questionable things if he thinks it is for the best for those he cares about. Obviously noticeable when he lied to Rin about his shoulder injury, and of course completely stopped talking to Rin and Gou after being injured. But he deeply cares for those around him, and will go out of his way to help, even if it is to the detriment of his own welfare. 

Sosuke hanging out with Gou and talking to her and being around her is already an aspect of his kindness, that he would do this to anyone he cares about. But what I meant about repressed feelings for Gou was more evident in the OVA, and I think that is where the slight nuances come into play. Sousuke is overprotective of Gou and he most likely sees her as a little sister, considering he grew up with her alongside his best friend. But I think when it comes down to more intimate moments i.e. giving Gou his jacket and just not being able to look at her, I think that small nuance does give a small insight into Sousuke’s feelings for Gou. It may be minute but it’s there, and the way the anime framed that scene, it evoked a host of response from the viewers. That in itself is enough for viewers to make a determination as to what Sousuke might be feeling towards Gou at the time ... and it was probably more than a platonic kind of way...

Just to let you know that Sousuke most likely would not act on these feelings because of who he is as a person. And if there is any possibility that things could go awry between him and Rin that concerns Gou, Sousuke would not put their friendship in jeopardy. So if there was ever a way that Sousuke’s repressed feelings for Gou could surface, it would be if Gou initiates.

Gou’s Feelings

If you read through this entire damn thesis so far I think you could see that Gou’s feelings for Sousuke is a lot more overt. She is so incredibly fond of Sousuke and it is just the way she behaves around him, speaks to him and looks at him. It sends a different vibe comparatively to when she interacts with any of the other male characters. Because Gou is a side character, as viewers we don’t get to see much of her, her development or her thoughts and feelings, especially in relation to Sousuke. 

Concluding Thoughts

What an incredibly long post. I didn’t realise how long it was until I scrolled back up. But really, this was so fun to write. I enjoy writing about side characters and the little hints that anime and manga give us as viewers. This is the best thing about storytelling, that is so much more than what you see before you.

The great thing about SouGou is the incredibly compatibility they have with each other. They have a lot of the common tropes found in anime that sets them up for a future pairing. I mean,, Free is not a romance genre so there wouldn’t be any emphasis placed on how one character feels about another in a romantic sense. So the anime has placed some gentle teasing in the background with its frame (usually what you see in shojo manga for example), official artworks, and CD dramas. It’s a very subtle undertone that the viewers would have to dig through and pick up out of the mass of fanservice and the storylines of the main characters. Yet this is the reason why I love KyoAni because of its numerous layers of stories and undertone!

In my opinion, if there was ever any pairing that comes out of Free, it would definitely be SouGou - it’s because the way the anime (and probably the light novel as well) set them up and emphasised on important aspects of their relationship without going into detail about it.

I gotta say, the reason why I love these two so much is because they remind me so much of TsukiYachi pairing from Haikyuu. There are parallels between the characters and I think I just enjoy shipping ones with that level of complexity and compatibility - the whole opposites attract kinda thing (and the height difference).

So what do you think? Are there any SouGou stans out there left? I’m keen to see what the 2021 Free movie will entail for these two and the potential release of Season 4 (most likely in 2022).

Fingers crossed for some excitement!

Also...I had to crop this <3

[demonslayedher]

do you still take asks? if so, could you explain tanjirou's hanafuda earings? i've seen some people online (like insta and other such places) claim that the design is one of a flower, but i always thought it was of a sun since it was supposed to be like a token for the sun god or something (disregarding possible [and hopefully unintentional] symbolisms coming from ww2)

whenever these people say these, they go back on to the earings being called hanafuda cards, and that hana means flower. i'm not that smart when it comes to japanese things or hanafuda cards specifically, so if you could, can you explain the hanafuda cards and the design on tanjirou's earings?

thank you and i hope you're having a lovely day (love your blog, btw, esp the art and japanese trivia posts)

Hahaha.... my attempted answer to this met so many technical difficulties, this is my third version, I think, hahahaaaaaa. TwT We shall indeed endeavor to keep this related to the original Sengoku period design of the earrings and their relation to Hanafuda cards, though indeed this is a Heisei/Reiwa period production and it's unavoidable that the similarity would be read in a post-WW2 context. It's not that I don't have things I could say on that, but I prefer not to go in that direction either (and people who choose to use the alternate design have my support). Short answer, though: nope, not a flower design!

The sun symbolism and its representation of Japan supersedes Muzan’s birth by at least a few centuries, and in its earliest uses with a simple circle to represent it, it wasn’t even always defined by the color red. The bright color red has been, however, long since symbolic of the sun, so it’s unsurprising that at some point the two symbols came together. No one knows who to credit for its design as a symbol to represent the emperor, but it seems this started in the Sengoku period, same time Yoriichi and his mother Akeno were around in the 15th, 16th centuries or so (but hard to say). The imperial use is due to the Shinto mythology that the emperor is descended from the sun goddess, Amaterasu. (I’ve have heard some KnY theorists posit that certain characters represent different gods in the Shinto pantheon and that Yoriichi represents Amaterasu (who indeed has historical male representations), but I don’t buy into those theories.)

While’s it’s not to say Amaterasu couldn’t be beseeched for healing a deaf child, she doesn’t strike me as the first goddess you’d go to for help with that, so I had originally suspected Akeno might have been more of a practicing Buddhist seeking the help of Dainichi-nyorai (the Buddha that represents the sun, if we put it very simply), or that she might had been a follower of the Nichiren sect, which embraced syncretism with Shintoism and used the “Nichi” (sun) symbolism pretty heavy-handedly (that sect tended to encourage a devout following of women, too). That’s as far as I find relevant to read into this side of things, though, for a look at Akeno’s altar shows us a round mirror often used in Shinto worship (some scholars suspect the round shape represents the sun, too, but it’s not at all limited to being a sacred item to represent sun-related deities). However, religion is and always has been complicated, and Akeno may have been a follower of any pure or blended strain of Shintoism and/or Buddhism.

Tl;dr: Akeno has a profound faith in some kind of sun deity.

After all, Yoriichi says this very plainly on this page in Chapter 186, “My mother was a person of very deep faith.” In addition to her daily prayers for peace, she made the earrings for Yoriichi praying that the “god of sunlight” may shine on and warm his unhearing ears. We have no further definition of this “god of sunlight,” so it could be Amaterasu, Dainichi-nyorai, any possible unnamed sunlight god she might have had faith in (Gotouge tends to borrow heavily from a lot of different religious traditions without narrowing them too far into any particular sect or strain). We may not be meant to read this in such detailed historical context as Amaterasu because it is left so ambiguous, but the art representing the sun is pretty ubiquitous throughout Japanese culture by that period.

And would you look at that, little Michikatsu and Yoriichi were playing a card game! Hmm, I wonder what? While I cannot claim anything one way or another about how Gotouge and her editors saw it or what they may think of it being seen that way abroad, the rays inevitably make it seem similar to the 16-ray naval flag, and the earlier color illustrations did have red lines. However, at some point the design settled into using 11 thin black lines only, with an emphasis in Gotouge’s character design notes (from the first fanbook) on the pooling thickness at the ends of the lines. This feels to me a bit like inky brushstrokes, and there is also design emphasis on the thick lines at the tops and bottoms of the earrings. These details, as well as the notes (cropped out of the image below) about the movement and weight of the earrings around Tanjiro’s face make them seem to have the thickness of light cardboard, which altogether makes them very similar to Hanafuda cards. Most specifically, doesn’t it look like this card featuring pampas grass and the moon?

While Hanafuda does literally mean “flower cards” and there are designs grouped around certain themes (even if the theme itself isn’t a flower, the design will typically incorporate a plant), I feel fairly confident saying the design of Yoriichi’s earrings is not a flower, and indeed the sun.

Primarily because these earrings aren’t Hanafuda cards! Hanafuda technically didn’t exist until after Yoriichi’s time, and was adapted from a Portuguese card game. Said game was initially illegalized at the same time Christianity was illegalized, but the Edo public loved their card games, and reinvented it every time some previous version was outlawed for its use in gambling. Even today, there are many, many different versions or reiterations of Hanafuda under the same or different names. I have never played though, and will not attempt to explain it. ^0^;; (I have cousins who grew up playing the Hawaiian version, though.) It was finally legalized in the Meiji period, and the first fanbook even lists this as one of Zenitsu’s favorite games.

By the Taisho period anyone would had been familiar with it, leading Muzan to describe Tanjiro to Yahaba and Susamaru as “the demon hunter who wears earrings that look like Hanafuda cards.”

While my research didn’t take me this far, I’m willing to bet card games with similar illustrations existed far prior to Hanafuda, and whether or not Akeno would had been influenced by them is anyone’s guess. But as she made them as religious items, that still makes them not game cards. I do assume she used high quality washi paper though, the finest she could afford as the wife of a high-ranking samurai. Good washi is strong enough to last for centuries, and even used to be used for making clothing because it’s so durable. But it’s also lightweight, she wouldn’t want to weigh Yoriichi’s little ears with precious metals or anything like that, I believe!

This all being said, I have most certainly noticed a trend of actual Hanafuda cards being used in accessories, everything from earrings to necklaces to charms to hang on facemasks to manicures. The only time I’ve seen this sun design has been in clear reference to Kimetsu no Yaiba, though!

This went in a lot of different directions, Anon, but I hope that clears things up about the sun and Hanafuda connections more than it clouds everything in unnecessary details. XD

[sepublic]

Happy Birthday to The Owl House!

           Honestly, I’m… REALLY shocked to think back on how it’s been a year? It’s been a full, actual year, since that first episode?

           I remember when The Owl House was first announced around early 2018. Something about it, the premise, the characters from that one poster we got; It really drew me in, and I kept track of the show’s progress in eager anticipation. Whenever Dana released art of Luz, Eda, and King, I was ecstatic- And when the show was delayed to 2020, I was dismayed.

           Then we got our teaser trailer; The opening them, the end credits, even a little sneak peek! I remember speculating a lot about Luz and all of the other new characters we were introduced to, such as Willow, Amity, and Gus- And then we got more and more trailers in the days leading up to the show. I wondered about Luz’s home back on Earth and where her family was, I listened intently to the Hooty and the Parliament music video, finding an almost melancholic, weirdly nostalgic (despite having never watched the show yet) vibe to it- Whilst also avoiding looking at the screen and seeing all of the various clips it offered, because I wanted to be surprised! It was two years of anticipation, two years of wait for this show- I’d never looked forward to a series before like this, last I can recall… So having this content FINALLY come out, seeing these characters in animation, hearing their wonderful voices! My soul was vibing, it was time, it was coming after all this time…!

          Eventually I finished Infinity Train Book 2, the same day that The Owl House premiered… I was blindsided when I woke up to the first episode’s release online, in full- I was already planning to wait until later to watch it on television, so having it permanently accessible from the internet was such a pleasant surprise! And the show… The show, man- That premiere caught me off-guard with how much I enjoyed it! I knew I was looking forward to this show, but still…! It blew away my expectations, and even now, has continued to; It was like my personal investment and attention had paid off so patiently well! I even got a DisneyNOW subscription so I could watch each new episode ASAP, the day it premiered, hours before it aired on television!

           I remember scouring Tumblr before the show officially premiered, and there was understandably very little- A few pieces of fanart here or there. And when the show DID premiere, for a while there wasn’t really much of a fandom- There was barely anyone, in fact! But I can remember a few notable blogs who have been around since the beginning… Me, I got invested into this show. I found myself really enjoying Lumity as a ship, especially since I resonated with both characters in it; Luz was such a ball of sunshine that brightened my day, and Amity really spoke to me with her more introverted, top-scoring personality. When the show hit its mid-season hiatus, I remember not handling it too well, as I got impatient and frantic in my speculations- I wanted so badly to learn more about these characters, see what happened- Get a look at Emperor Belos (then known as Bellows by the fandom), etc.

          I wrote my Bile Coven piece in preparation for Halloween, even got to know a mutual or two over shared theorizing! I kept track of Dana’s updates, and even had people come to my blog, of all places, to send asks! It was and still has been such an engaging part of fandom for me… I recall impatiently waiting for the Owl Pellet shorts and freaking out over them- And when Adventures in the Elements leaked early? I LOST MY MIND, I remember postponing something I was supposed to go to, just so I could watch the episode- And it was so good! Then I started wondering and hoping the rest of Season 1 would come out, and well- It took a while…

          And when Season 1B’s trailer came out, I was all over it; Scouring every possible frame, freaking out over the Grom screenshot, and appreciating the influx of new fans! It was amazing to watch The Owl House go from a relatively minor and obscure fandom, to becoming so much more mainstream and populous! I got into Rebecca Rose’s channel, I began writing more meta and posts about the show, as well as little recaps for each new episode. I feel like my blog really took off from here, as I got to interact with more and more people who shared this mutual love of The Owl House, and I was so ecstatic to see more content and buzz about it!

           My mind was solely focused on The Owl House, it was one of my huge hyperfixations, even moreso than during Season 1A’s run- I remember being anxious about Enchanting Grom Fright, wondering if we’d get queerbaited… But NO, Amity was in love with Luz! She canonically had a crush on her, a girl in love with another girl- And I loved it because Lumity was a special comfort ship of mine! Then Amity was confirmed lesbian… It was amazing! And I found myself SO invested, so inspired by the show and its characters, and all of the little allusions to things, the foreshadowing, the moments here or there that made so much more sense after a new episode.

           This show inspired me creatively- It got me to write some of my personal favorite fanfics, and I was and still am so touched by whatever feedback I get from them! The Owl House really got me to write, to obsess over characters and analyze them, to look at motifs, to think about worldbuilding… It’s been such an artistically enriching experience, both the show and the fandom! I remember despairing so terribly when Agony of a Witch came out, the genuine betrayal I had when Lilith revealed the truth- Because I’d been legitimately endeared to her character beforehand, even formed a sort of ‘trust’ in a sense… And like many others, I agonizingly anticipated the season finale, the much-needed emotional reconciliation!

           I remember how the episode titles were revealed, bit by bit, and how I and others speculated on what they’d spell out! I remember when the fandom obsessed over the Witch’s Apprentice game and its relics, for clues and new lore after each episode, the little hints here or there! I was freaked out by characters like Belos, who lived up to my hopes and expectations- First being alluded to by name, then his amazing appearance… And then his voice and mannerisms and everything about him! And when the Season Finale came out…

           Well, there was relief. But there was a bittersweet emptiness- That it was over! The first season was over! There was a celebratory triumph, of course- We finally wrapped up the first, major arc of the show, the first batch of episodes that had been worked upon, the whole thing now unveiled and appreciated! But I was a little dismayed because a part of me KNEW a hiatus much longer than the previous one was ahead of me, and I did not handle the mid-season hiatus well. Of course, then Dana had her Reddit AMA, and the charity livestream; Both of which NOURISHED me creatively, and have helped to fill out the wait! To carry out my momentum, to not flounder about in hiatus; I invested myself into more meta, into various posts, etc. I read fanfiction that genuinely floored me, obsessed over fanart, etc.

           I supported the show’s release on Disney Plus, ecstatic to get this kind of ready access. I revisited past episodes and characters, looking at them in a new light, appreciating things; Like Luz’s relationship with fantasy… King’s surprising development, all of Eda’s little hints and clues. There’s been an emotional catharsis with these characters for me- And I genuinely feel like I’ve been a lot happier lately because of this show! I’ve met so many other blogs and gotten to know them, seen their ideas and displayed mine as we appreciated one another… I even remember doing another blog’s fanart prompt prior to the show’s release, in preparation!

           I feel like The Owl House has genuinely given me a new appreciation for meta, for fandom and analysis… For headcanons, for writing my own stories and contributing my own ideas and speculations, etc.! It’s contributed SO much joy to me as a hyperfixation, and rapidly risen through my blog as my most frequent tag! And even as I explore other fandoms and hyperfixations, both then and now, especially to pass on this crippling hiatus… This show holds a VERY special place in my heart for me. It’s really made me feel for these characters, the love and sadness, the excitement and sense of comfort… Its love and emotions, angst and found family, lore and speculation, it hits so hard to me in a way that other media hasn’t!

           It’s provided representation- Such as canonically queer characters, or protagonists who speak so well to the neurodivergent experience for many people! I’ve had delight in seeing people suggest Amity as autistic, when before Season 1B, I lowkey headcanoned and saw her as such- So seeing more evidence for this resonated deeply in my heart! I remember all of the discussion about King as a character, the confusion and talk about whether or not he WAS a King of Demons, when that first announcement in 2018 had made a similar claim… I looked forward to Eda and Lilith’s relationship, speculated on who cursed Eda, and remembered when I’d considered the Blights as a potential culprit! I remember thinking about Hooty, wondering what his deal is- And thinking then and now about that Owl Deity mural in the Owl House! Watching Luz’s development as a character and as a witch, seeing her become more proficient with magic until it finally pays off with her squaring up against Belos, and wounding him- I’d never felt so proud of a character and their progress before!

           There’s still so many more questions and mystery, lore… as well as just genuine character interactions, to look forward to! I think The Owl House is one of my favorite shows of all time… It’s deeply touched me as a person and creator, and I genuinely strive to create something even close to this one day. This show has inspired me, made me laugh and cry, compelled me to creatively make content; It’s introduced me to a wider fandom that I genuinely feel like a part of, had me meet other mutuals… It really is something special to me. And while I am eager for Season 2, I also want to appreciate what Dana Terrace and her crew have already established. I love this show’s art style and animation, the designs and overall weirdness of its characters- I love speculating and thinking about them, getting more and more details, and so forth.

           If it’s for a better product, I’m fine waiting for Season 2. And honestly, I love what we already have, and I’ve done a lot with so many people. I’ve even looked over supplementary materials and stuff posted by the crew or news articles, in my need for content… And I love every bit of update, art, and/or acknowledgement of the show’s hiatus, and Season 2’s development! There’s so much to look forward to… And there’s so much that I’ve enjoyed, after plenty of anticipation!

           Thank you @danaterrace, and everyone who worked on this- For everything. It really is crazy to reflect on this entire year, to realize it’s been a full year since that first episode, since that first premiere that lit up my world like Luz’s light spells; And it feels like such a milestone that we’ve reached! I look forward to what comes next, and I also intend to keep appreciating and cherishing what we’ve already gotten. Here’s to this show’s second year, people- It’s been such a journey to look back on and remember each step, each phase, each particular moment and stage… And I can only imagine what will come next! This show has SUCH a special place in my heart, and has made me feel in so many ways I haven’t before!

           Happy Birthday, The Owl House! You’ve earned it!