#also like i said the actual experience of GETTING the diagnosis as an adult is humiliating and awful and expensive

[bananonbinary]

there isn't like. some kind of officially-accessible Government Record of diagnosis somewhere, is there? I was diagnosed with autism as a little kid but between moving like 5 times, at some point my parents lost my medical records and started fresh, and they decided to just not tell future doctors i was autistic, so it's not on my current medical record with my current PCP. and I've kind of been assuming that it's not going to cause me any problems? but idk how it works, do you think there's a way that that old official DX might catch up with me somehow?

oh no, it's not as dire as all that, i didn't mean to fearmonger. also to be fair a lot of the situations it can work against you in are fairly specific? as others have pointed out, adopting children or getting custody can be harder, because we have to work AGAINST the assumption that we're helpless. and apparently some countries like new zealand can reject immigration applications if they deem you "a high cost to the health system," whatever the hell that means.

these fears are true of ANY disability diagnosis though, not just autism. it's just the ongoing struggle to justify our right to, you know, have rights.

it's not something that is likely to interfere unless you volunteer that information to people who might abuse it though (people making big legal decisions about you like social security agents, i mean), and if it's not in your current medical records, you're definitely fine.

[punksocks]

Astrology Observations: No.25

*just based on my personal observations, only take what resonates

Omg my first degree theory observation was wrong Danial Kwan has moon at 18 degree, a Virgo degree ! (My bad y’all I’m learning). I’ll say that he had to get a hold of his mental health while in Covid and his adult adhd diagnosis and that influenced the writing of everything all at once (Imma learn this lol, more studying must be done)

Ok better degree theory lol, the degree of your Venus and/or mars can show placements you attract. My Venus is at a cancer degree and I’ve dated a l o t of people with Cancer placements (an experience lol)

A guy’s Lilith can show that his sort of femme fatale attraction (type of girl that overstimulates him, makes him feel enamored but is also his weakness.) His Lilith placement can describe this femme in more detail. For Aries, a go getter that takes no shit (I believe @zeldasnotes said Lilith in Aries in a man’s chart is a strong indicator that he’s a feminist and I totally agree.); For Sagittarius she’d be untethered and have a great sense of humor and may be outside of his culture. For Aquarius she’d be idealized as a manic pixie dream girl, like quirky in a way he could never figure out. let me know if you all would like a whole post on this !

Only outer planets (Uranus, Neptune, Pluto) in your 1st can give you an extra ordinary appearance and make you stand out quite a bit.

Your mars conjunct to someone’s sun can make them feel competitive with you. Venus on the other hand can make you put the sun person on a sort of pedestal and can make the relationship feel like you’re a fan of the sun person. Moon to someone’s sun can feel more at home and at ease.

Men with water Venuses seem to be super monogamous or like incapable of monogamy (which is fine lol, but be ethical about it and establish boundaries and don’t cheat yo)

12th house synastry is sticky asl, as soon as you moved on someone just appears on your mind out of nowhere, lotta hidden energy all tied up together; 8th house synastry is really intense but it’s often hard to build something stable out of the intensity. 4th house feels like home, but as someone with Uranus over their 4th, I associate this synastry with being unpredictable and chaotic in familiar way. 5th and 11th house synastry tends to be good long term. 5th house means you feel fun and creative and always excited together. And 11th house will mean that there’s a feeling of friendship underneath the passion that usually sustains the connection imo.

For all of the seriousness associated with Capricorn placements (especially suns) often focus on a lot on whimsy in their creative works, like it’s the outlet for a lot of their hidden optimism (Hayao Miyazaki, Nobuhiko Obayashi the director of Hausu).

Ok ok I know Scorpio risings are known for intense, bedroom eyes and their overwhelming s*x appeal and making suitors flee because they’re so intimidated etc etc… but quietly I think our biggest weapon that people don’t see coming is our sense of humor. (Honest to god I was thinking of how funny Hugh Grant is even though he doesn’t need to be bc he’s been so handsome this whole time lol. He always puts in the effort into that comedic timing) (Also people still think if you’re hot and intense you can’t be funny so it defuses some of the tension pretty well imo)

I feel like Virgo placements always seem to think they feel boring even though they’re like very knowledgeable and compelling in their own right (I’m getting all reflective and remember when like Virgo moons/mars would always ask if they’re being boring or complain about being boring but they tend to be good conversationalists when they allow themselves to analyze things so deeply)

I think cancers are actually the most defensive sign, naturally. I want to say they have this in common with their sister sign bc Capricorns are defensive and don’t like to show “weakness”. But the way that underdeveloped cancers (can) play the victim when scrutinized is different. (Like Capricorns do that earth sign thing where they use their perception to make you feel like you’re wrong, and they want to be seen as the authority not the victim). Where cancer is in your chart could show where you’re especially guarded and trying to protect your sensitivity.

To me Jupiter conjunct south node means you’ll reap benefits of good karma from a past life (or the effects of bad karma will be a lot in this lifetime but I saw this in obama’s chart and it’s a benefic planet so the first thing is what I thought of lol, he’s not a good guy but becoming the first black president of the us seems like a past life power play imo)

[copperbadge]

Every so often I get an Anon ask where I'm not entirely comfortable responding in public with no cut or warnings ahead of the text -- it's not that anything inappropriate is being said, it's just sometimes the subject matter's a little rough. This is one of those, so I decided to copy and paste it and put it behind a cut; warnings for discussion of abuse and fraught familial situations.

You've spoken about having ADHD before, and i was wondering if you have any links to websites with resources for adults with ADHD that are more than the very generic "stay organised!", "eat healthily!", "avoid distractions!" things? like, something that explains ADHD and WHY getting organised is good, maybe? or how ADHD may intersect with anxiety? my mother finally went to a doctor and got (as i expected) an ADHD diagnosis, but the doctor told her medication wouldn't give her much at this point, which is fine, but she's just kept going as usual for her, which is not.

she has ignored everything i've told her before (like, to think ahead and prioritise, to make plans, to make lists, that she has to be systematic about it, to stay calm because if she has a plan everything should be done on time) but she ignores me. she just starts doing whatever, whenever, and then getting annoyed/anxious that "nothing" is done, and then she starts yelling at me.

i just want her to realise she MUST at least attempt to be organised, and that it's not just for work stuff, it's for everything, including every day stuff like chores. (also, i'd like to stop being yelled at. like, some of my first memories are of getting yelled at. it's been years and years of regular bouts of screaming. now i know it's her and not me, and i'd. like it to stop)

i apologize for the huge ask/rant, but yeah, do you know of any resources that explain the importance of being organised? i think if i show her something 'official' maybe she'll start doing it. or do you have any personal tips for talking to her about it? or a book about someone's experience with ADHD? anything. anything at all.

So there is...much to unpack here, as the kids say, both in terms of what you are asking directly and what you are not asking but what I'm going to address anyway. I don't have any great resources for what you're looking for, because neurodiversity comes in a lot of shapes and sizes even within a single diagnosis, and as you likely know I'm a big proponent of doing-what-works, and that's something a person has to figure out for themselves. A lot of people seem to find ADDitude very relatable and they are informative, but that's probably the best general resource out there to go deeper than surface, and a good place for her to start reading if she wants to.

But the real problem, Anon, is that she's never going to listen to you.

That seems like a real bold statement, but it is also extremely likely to be true. Most people who get a diagnosis start to work on themselves and learn more about their unique neurology; it's clear she's not going to do that, and you can't make her. I'm sure some of it is that she's been told her entire life, by people with much more power over her than you, to do those things: be organized, make lists, have a plan. They are the hardest things for people with ADHD to do, and she can't simply whip herself through them, and so she learned long ago to ignore anyone saying anything about it. Medication could help with that a lot, actually, so your mother's doctor really fucked you both by telling her it wouldn't do anything for her; whether she's taken that as permission to ignore the problem or whether she just believed him, he did a really shitty thing in doing that.

Your mother is neurologically incapable of forcing herself to do many things that neurotypical people find easy. There are workarounds, yes; some of us do extremely well if we decide that EVERYTHING has to be planned, and behave accordingly. Some of us find stopgaps. But that has to be a decision she makes, to find workarounds for herself. It's not something you can offer her with helpful websites or books, because she is also likely very deep in shame about it, to judge from her other behaviors. That's not your fault, which means it's also not your job to fix it.

And here's the other problem: you are in an abusive home situation where your mother is taking out her frustration with her mental illness by hurting you.

And that really really sucks and I'm really, really sorry. But the screaming-at-you, which absolutely should not be happening, is a result of decades of frustration at the world that won't accommodate her, combined with an inability to regulate her emotions. Unless she is medicated or learns better regulation or at least picks a different target, it's not going to stop. That's not your fault either. Some of it isn't even her fault. (Some of it is; mental illness is not our choice but it is our responsibility, and she is not behaving as either an adult or a parent should in abusing you because she can't find somewhere else to put all her emotions.)

Presumably you are either too young to leave or can't afford to, but the best possible thing you can do for yourself is get out as soon as you can, sever yourself from her financially, and then decide what level of interaction you want with her going forward. Honestly, may be the best thing for her as well, to realize that if she doesn't make a change, she will lose access to her child.

I realize that is almost certainly not immediately possible, however. Do not leave if you are going to a less safe situation, either. Be smart and strategic -- make your plans and prepare as much as possible ahead of time.

"So in the meantime, Sam, what the fuck am I supposed to do?"

Bearing in mind that we are going to assume you cannot help your mother, as she either doesn't want help or is in denial or both, the best thing you can do if you can't get out is to shore yourself up: remind yourself as regularly as possible that none of this is your fault, and do your best to protect yourself both emotionally and physically. IE, if she's not organized enough to buy groceries or cook, do what you can to make sure you are regularly fed -- do not concern yourself with whether she eats. That's her responsibility, she's a grownup. If you are likely to be yelled at for this -- well, she was always going to yell at you about something; it might as well be as a result of you caring for yourself first. As much as you can, spend time away from her if possible.

Given her past behavior, especially if you are an only child or oldest sibling, you may already be de-facto head of household; this may be simply a process of assuming actively that she can't fulfill that role, and doing what you can to care for yourself and any siblings. If you have other family who understand the situation, I strongly suggest tapping them for help. As much as you can, reach out to adults in your life you trust, and get their help in caring for yourself and your family without needing to depend on her for support.

I don't wish to stigmatize mental illness or addiction but living with someone in denial about the impact of their mental health on those around them is exactly like living with an addict: the best strategy is to expect nothing from them, remind yourself often that you are not to blame for this situation, look out for yourself first and foremost, and get out once you can. I'm really sorry it has to be that way, because it shouldn't be. But I'm concerned with you, not with her, and if you want to build a better life for yourself, it's going to have to be one that doesn't depend on you being able to change someone else.

I'm afraid I don't have a lot of books for you about that, either. I wish you all the luck -- you shouldn't need it, but unfortunately sometimes we still do.

[kndrules]

Sector V autism headcanons: their experiences with diagnosis and school

Nigel also does not mask and had very obvious autism as a kid, but because of how he acted out in targeted ways, he was labeled a troublemaker instead and diagnosed with ODD. He got less support in school because of this, but he did have some resource classroom time. His parents were the core of his support and advocated for him. Nigel saw a lot of specialists as a kid and that's where his distrust of doctors comes from, as most of them wouldn't take him seriously. His autism does eventually get diagnosed in middle school, but if he had more of a say he probably wouldn't have sought a diagnosis

I know I've said a lot of this before but Allow Me To Infodump

Kuki and Wally are a category of their own because they are the highest support needs of the group (medium support needs). They were both diagnosed really young, and started having serious behavioral problems early too. Wally in particular is demand avoidant, but both struggled with meltdowns. In school, they spent part of their day in a separate setting/ resource classrooms. Their academics lagged well behind their peers. As they grew up, Kuki started to mask more and more but Wally is never able to. Kukis academics improved sooner than Wally's did- Wally was barely able to graduate high school on time. He didn't find strategies that worked for him until halfway through his undergrad years. Both of them are AuDHD

Hoagie and Abby are also similar to each other in that they're both double gifted and didn't have IEPs in school. They both appeared to have it together, so they didn't get any support when they actually needed it. They didn't know how to ask for help. Abby in particular put a lot of pressure on herself to appear perfect.

Abby is a high-masking autistic person who needs a lot of rest and space away from people to recover. She absolutely is never officially diagnosed, but she's self diagnosed. She suffers from burnout frequently, but is good at hiding it.

Hoagie actually has huge deficits in certain academic areas that they don't have a special interest in, but because they excell in other places, teachers assume it's because hoagie is just being unfocused and lazy. They have learned that they can do better in subjects like English and History if they study/write about topics they ARE interested in. But they still struggle tremendously if they have to, for example, read a book for English class that isn't interesting to them.

Hoagie gets diagnosed as an adult. Its like super obvious that they're autistic for their entire life, but their parents are definitely also undiagnosed autistic, so they saw how their kids behaved and thought "yep, seems normal!"

In general, I imagine when they went to school was in the 2000s, which is when I was also in school- special education programs were better than they used to be, but not as good as they can be now. And now, it still hugely varies from school to school. I don't think resources were very good for kids at Gallagher Elementary, since we see the teachers be terrible to their students and belittle kids who struggle academically or behaviorally.

[ringomess]

last night i was with my friends and we started talking about medical negligence and our experiences.

i talked about my experience getting an adhd diagnosis and then medication. My diagnosis was declined once, and then when i got it, i was declined medication. now i’m finally on meds but my psychiatrist (from the health insurance) does the bare minimun. and i said “tbh i was just happy that she didn’t deny my adhd” and a friend turned at me shocked and said “what?”. i explained to her that being a woman and an adult it’s so common people deny your adhd.

i also told them my experience when i got my medication declined the first time because the neurologist said “adhd gets cured by adulthood” (i was 18 at that time) and a friend asked me “is that true?” and i explained to her that of course not and it can get even worse if you don’t get treatment.

then the first girl asked me how does adhd affect neurologically. i explained to her that adhd brains have a poorer development of the frontal lobe and again she shocked said “really? i had no idea”. she just sounded so shocked to learn that adhd is a neurobiological disorder. then i also explained to her we lack some neurotransmitters like dopamine and how it affects. she had no idea about anything i told her.

all my friends know i have adhd but they have no idea what that means.

they have no idea my brain is developed different, works differently and process things differently. they have no idea my body doesn’t regulate hormones the same way as them (neurotypicals). they have no idea it’s actually disabling because they can’t see it and the only perception they have of an adhd person is full of stigma.

but tbh, i’m not mad at them. it’s impossible to educate everyone in every single disability. i have no idea about so many disabilities because no one have ever taught me what it is.

i’m glad this friend started asking me about it and i had a chance to explain it to all of them. it makes me a bit sad they don’t know what adhd really is, but i think most of them are interested in understanding me.

[katboykirby]

Autistic Beel is very real to me personally, as an autistic person (special interest, not very expressionate, etc). I also very much agree with the Satan and Levi headcanons too.

Oh this is interesting because I don't think I've heard about an autistic! Beel HC before? Usually (in my experience anyway) it's autistic! Levi and very very occasionally autistic! Satan

Now, full disclosure that I'm not autistic myself, so any information I'm familiar with comes from research + the experiences of my irl partner, who got his autism diagnosis as an adult. (I do have ADHD and I know that there's some relation/overlap there, but I'd still trust the words and experiences of actual autistic people over my own)

And I can definitely see some aspects of autism in Beel! Like you said, he doesn't tend to show much of any particularly strong emotions, at least not openly or on the surface - he tends to keep a fairly flat expression (and his usual frown could be interpreted as the classic neurodivergent "resting bitch face" aha) and his voice clips reflect this as well - he's definitely not as affective as say, Mammon or Asmo! Beel is a lot more quiet than his brothers, on average. He's not really very emotive or expressive outside of specific or extreme situations. Although, I don't tend to go for the romantic options with him or read his personal Devilgram stories all that often (since I'm a Satanfucker) but I'm aware that he's usually more emotive in romantic moments with MC, or when things get tense/dramatic with his family.

Speaking of which, something that we do occasionally see is Beel losing his temper and becoming very angry - to the point that he loses control of himself and goes on rampages. The most significant examples of this in the main story would be Lessons 4 and 5 of the original game, when he flies into a rage over some custard and ends up destroying half of MC's room; and the whole plotline in Nightbringer revolving around Beel's rampage at the royal castle that almost resulted in Diavolo having to lock him up because of how much destruction he caused. I know that "autism rage" is pretty negatively stereotyped (unfairly so, in my opinion) but anger is definitely a real struggle for individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders

The whole food thing is definitely interesting in this context as well (and I assume this is what you meant by "special interest?" Lmk if I'm wrong) because Beel is the complete opposite of the common autism stereotypes when it comes to food! We often see the idea of autistic individuals having a very limited scope of foods that they actually enjoy, because things like texture, flavour, and sensation are all very different and experienced in a different way than neurotypicals. Autistic individuals are stereotyped as "picky eaters" because it's common for them to have very specific "safe foods" and/or not enjoy very many exotic or strong flavours. Beel definitely does not have a problem with this, lmao. And we know that his love/obsession with all foods isn't something that came about just when he was made the Avatar of Gluttony, since he was a big food lover as an angel as well (though his eating habits, admittedly, weren't as extreme back then.) Interestingly, a lot of research shows that people with autism are more likely to struggle with binge eating disorder, which has some intriguing implications for Beelzebub 👀

It's entirely possible that exercise & working out and/or sports like Fangol could be special interests for him as well! Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that Beel has mentioned or alluded to feeling restless if he doesn't get at least one workout in every day, like he doesn't feel that his day is "complete" if he hasn't done his exercise routines. This could suggest that he experiences the common autism symptoms around adherence to routines and inflexibility when it comes to changing up his usual habits and activities 🤔

This reply has actually become pretty long, so I'll just stop myself here before I get carried away even further 😅

Overall, I think that there's definitely merit to autistic! Beel HCs, and I'm sure that people who are actually autistic and/or are big fans of Beel himself (and who would have read far more of his in-game content than I have, like his Devilgrams) would be able to go into even more detail than I have!

[bluedalahorse]

A highly incomplete introduction to AuDHD for YR fans who want to write more Sara Eriksson

Greetings, friends! In my time in the Young Royals fandom, I’ve seen a few people mention they were interested writing Sara but they didn’t know how to approach her neurodivergence, or that they find it intimidating. I figured it might be worth compiling a post where I share both ADHD and autism resources I’ve found helpful, as well as elements of my personal experience I draw on when writing Sara.

This post is by no means exhaustive, and I could probably say a lot more. But I figured I’d get it out there in case it was helpful to anyone else.

Part One: Resources and Such

Yo Samdy Sam is an AuDHD vlogger who talks about her experiences, and I find her video about how autism and ADHD show up together pretty informative. Since Sara is both it’s good to have a grasp on these nuances! Yo Samdy Sam’s other videos are also ones I’d recommend.

I’m autistic, now what? is also a good channel to check out for someone talking about their day to day experiences of autism. Her videos are a little longer, but she focuses often on how things have changed from her childhood to her adulthood, which can be helpful if you’re thinking about Sara at different ages/writing flashbacks/working on fic set in the future/etc.

Chloe Hayden, who stars in another teen drama called Heartbreak High, is both autistic and ADHD, and very fun and positive. She presents quite differently than Sara does—lots more talking and energy—but I think she’s a good example of every neurodivergent person presenting differently. Also, people should watch Heartbreak High and write me some fic where Sara and Quinni meet because I want it.

How to ADHD is mostly geared toward practical life skills when you’ve got ADHD, but it doesn’t neglect the way those interact with emotional well-being. Sara might try some of these strategies while working on her school work and chores, either because an adult recommended she do so or because it’s part of a system she worked out for herself. Also, the videos are perfectly designed for ADHD brains, and i have acquired many ways to self-accommodate by watching them.

Jessie Gender is autistic and does commentary about lots of nerdy things and trans rights. I really liked her video on The Queen’s Gambit where she talks about autistic girls and sex. If you’re planning to write spicer fic about Sara (which people should write more of imo) then Jessie might be a good resource!

Marieke Nijkamp is a multiply disabled author, and one of her disabilities is autism. I still have to get around to reading her novel length books but her short story “Better For All the World” made me cry and is one of my formative sargust mentor texts. I really recommend it if you can get a hold of the anthology The Radical Element. (Although, heads up, the story deals with the Buck v Bell case of 1927, which is difficult subject matter.)

Disability in Kidlit has some great resources on writing autistic characters from a craft perspective. If you’re going to write specifically from Sara’s point of view, or even if you’re not, it’s worth reading this article about the autistic voice in fiction and this article about humanizing autistic characters. Other articles on the site are also great!

I’m going to talk more about my personal experiences under the cut below…

Part 2: My personal experiences & takeaways

Sooooo if you’ve met one AuDHD person, you’ve met one AuDHD person. I can’t really claim to speak for all AuDHD people, and I’ve only recently gotten my diagnosis anyway. That said, a lot of my own personal experience colors how I write Sara. So in the interest of transparency, I’ve gone ahead and listed some of the things I’ve thought about when I write her.

An important note before I get started—this is not, actually, meta or analysis of the show. I’m not trying to tell you want I “really” think is going on with Sara Eriksson, or what the writers intended, or what the show is saying. You may read her differently, and I’m sure your interpretation is just as informed by your own experiences as mine. So please don’t take this as a criticism if your interpretation is different.

What I am explaining here instead are the ways that my personal experiences as an AuDHD person have influenced my perception of Sara, which in turn translates to how I’ve made sense of her storyline and written her in fanfic. None of these are “excuses,” but they are explorations. You can look at it as me examining my own thinking and writing process. I’m also opening up about some of my experiences and being a little bit vulnerable. If you have questions about any of these things below, or you want to know more for your own fic, you are always welcome to message me. I may not be able to get back to you right away but I can help however I am able. There are also some things I might feel more comfortable discussing in depth one-on-one, so direct messages might be better in that case, too.

Anyway, let’s begin…

Polarized strengths and weaknesses: In my own experience as an AuDHD person there are some pretty dramatic contrasts between what I’m good at and what I suck at. I’m in the 99% percentile in some skills and the 2% percentile in others. This adds up to stuff like, I read the Sherlock Holmes stories for the first time when I was eight and Les Misérables when I was eleven, but I cannot drive a car or learn a choreographed dance no matter how hard I try. This is inexplicable to some people because they’re like, omg but you know all these advanced words! Surely if you can’t drive a car, it’s just because you aren’t trying hard enough! Likewise I think it makes sense to write Sara with a spiky profile of her own, and have characters react to that accordingly.

Perceptions of maturity: AuDHD adults aren’t children. AuDHD teenagers aren’t children either. And yet part of ableism is the infantilization of AuDHD people. I don’t have a lot of huge narrative squicks, but this is one of them, and it’s rooted in frustrations I’ve had over people treating me like I’m still a child. I always write Sara as the age she’s intended to be in the fic. If I see fanfic scenes or headcanon scenarios where someone is treating Sara like she’s five, and that’s spun as positive or never questioned, it can make me really upset and it’s an immediate back button. This is something I would recommend writers be on the lookout for if they’re incorporating Sara into a scene. Maybe this one bullet point is spinning a little far into criticism of other folks, but I think if I could communicate one thing to other people writing Sara, this would be it.

Special interests/hyperfixations: The thing about special interests is that autistic people often turn to them to replenish their energy and get their nervous systems back to a state of equilibrium. (For instance, me writing this post right now about my blorbo Sara Eriksson is me engaging with a special interest to put my nervous system in a state of equilibrium and put energy back in my body.) Sara’s time spent with Rousseau isn’t just wonderful because she loves horses, it’s also something that’s probably helping her recharge after a complicated day of navigating social situations at Hillerska. This is why she panics at the thought of losing Rousseau. Now, there’s still issues here in that Rousseau isn’t actually Sara’s horse. And I do think many teenage and adult autistics with low support needs, like Sara, understand that they can’t engage with their special interests all the time. But in order to write and understand Sara, I have to understand that she’s counting on Rousseau and horses more generally as something that helps her self-regulate and stay grounded. (In Heart and Homeland I also added art as one of her hyperfixations, so she often draws to recharge and make sense of things.)

Alexithymia: Alexithymia is essentially a trait people can have where they struggle to read their own emotions. It’s pretty common in autistic people and other neurodivergent folk; I have a mild version of it. For me, tuning into my emotions is a bit like trying to figure out what song is playing on a staticy radio. I might have to wait and “mess with the dial” a bit before I can fully understand what I’m feeling in a given situation. The question “how are you?” is a bit of a nightmare for me sometimes. Because my alexithymia is mild, I usually can figure out what I’m feeling in time, but I still often need extra effort to discern the nuances. I tend to apply this trait to Sara when I write her, mostly because she seems to need to sit with her feelings to understand how they’re affecting her. This is most evident when she’s trying to figure out if she like-likes August, though it comes out in other ways, too. Sara might just need a lot of time to process her emotions. Even when she’s showing her emotions and in them, they might take a lot of time to leave her system, and she might not catch on to how they’re affecting her right away. In Heart and Homeland, part of the reason Sara keeps a diary in the first place is so she can sort through what she’s feeling.

Heightened empathy: There’s an old stereotype that autistic people don’t have any empathy. This is not true, and some autistics even have an excess of empathy. I would argue that Sara (at least the way I interpret and write her) is one of them. This may seem counterintutive to some, as I have seen people argue that she is insufficiently empathetic to Simon and/or Linda. I see it differently, however. In my own experience, having an excess of empathy doesn’t always mean that I come across as loving and sweet to the people in my life. Sometimes it can make it so you’re so full of feelings toward others that you can’t act. I often function clumsily in conflicts, and feel like I’m caught between different parties, especially if it’s a situation where everyone appears to be hurting. It’s enough to make me shut down and not do anything, or even side with the person who to everyone else is obviously wrong. Especially when I was a teenager, the answer about “who to side with” in a conflict wasn’t always clear to me. For instance, in college, I dated a girl who constantly belittled me and many of my friends, and I let her get away with it because I was sensitive to the ways she was genuinely hurting about life. I am not proud of it now, and I did break up with her eventually and made efforts to patch things up with my friends when I could, but it also took me two and a half years to get there. Thanks to life experience and therapy, I am now better at recognizing red flags and overriding my excess empathy to call people out on their shit when they need it. It took me time, though, and I can’t help reading a lot of that into Sara. In a way, I tend to think her hope that August will own up to his actions is born out of heightened empathy for both August and Simon. She pins her hopes on this solution because, in her mind, it meets Simon’s needs because the person who harmed him has come forward and is willing to be held accountable for his actions and it meets August’s needs because he can find relief in owning up to his shit and stop drowning in regret. Now, yes, Sara is absolutely misleading herself and ignoring crucial details of the situation because she’s in love, and she does misread what Simon actually needs in the situation. This is very typically teenage. At the same time, when I write her in fic, I see this as tied to an excess of empathy, and not a lack of it.

Inertia/Executive Functioning Struggles: Building on what was said above… some AuDHD people (like myself) can really struggle with making a plan and getting started on tasks, and the bigger the task, the bigger the struggle. “Tasks” is a word we usually apply to things like doing laundry, so we tend to think of executive functioning as an unemotional thing, but it can also apply to emotional stuff like, say, having a big conversation that needs to be had or breaking up with someone you know you need to. (Like I said above. Two and a half years with that shitty person in college!) In fact, I would say inertia can even make things harder with social/emotional stuff, because math homework is at least consistently math homework, but social/emotional situations can shift and become more complicated over time. At Hillerska, we see Sara get involved in ever-shifting social politics, and it takes things escalating to the field scene for her to take action at the end of S2. (In a more minor example, Sara taking a while to get ready in the parents’ weekend episode, and Linda rushing her out the door, is a great example of Sara being affected by inertia.)

Menstrual ick: Increasing numbers of studies show that people with uteruses who have ADHD, autism, or both are way more likely to have painful periods and PMDD. This is true for me—one of the biggest signs that my period is coming is that I am absolutely convinced everyone hates me. I don’t know how to apply this to Sara directly, but periods are part of life and if you happen to write about her dealing with menstrual nonsense, this might be something to keep in mind.

Sensory issues: A lot of people are aware of sensory issues for neurodivergents, and every neurodivergent experiences sensory issues differently, and not always in ways that are immediately apparent to neurotypicals. For me, I hate vacuums and car horns and bananas, but for my roommate, she hates any lights on after 7 PM and finds chocolate overwhelming. Sara doesn’t mention any particular sensory issues, but presumably she has some and masks her reactions, so uh… make up the ones that make sense to you, I guess. Or, don’t make them up, but maybe read about a bunch of different people’s experiences of sensory issues and work from there. External stuff like being tired, sick, or being on one’s period can heighten sensory issues, so think about vulnerability factors that might increase them for Sara.

Rejection sensitivity: Many people with ADHD feel rejection or criticism from others with a high level of intensity, even as physical pain. (Fun fact: PMS makes my rejection sensitivity even worse!) I don’t know if we see Sara feeling rejection sensitivity onscreen much in YR, but I can’t help but imagine she’s dealt with it in the past, based on the way she says she sometimes feels like the worst person in the world, when she’s talking to August in 2.3. If Sara’s had therapy (which I assume she’s had in some form because she knows breathing exercises) then maybe this is something she’s worked on coping strategies.

Accommodations in school: I don’t actually know how this works in Sweden specifically or at a school like Hillerska, but I’d love to hear how it works! Someone else should weigh in if they know things. But I would not be surprised if Sara has the legal right to certain accommodations in school such as extended time on tests, guided notes, etc. (Not being Swedish myself, I’m not sure what the equivalent to the Americans With Disabilities Act would be in Sweden.) One thing to note here is that Sara would get to decide herself whether she actually uses her accommodations or not. I would say, based on my observations of teenagers, is that some neurodivergent teenagers tend not to use their accommodations so they can avoid sticking out among their peers. This seems like it might be the case for Sara, since she wants to make friends at Hillerska and not stand out. The other thing she might encounter at Hillerska specifically is teachers who don’t want to meet those accommodations because they’re “old school” and, frankly, ableist. Accommodations are something one should take into account when writing Sara’s academic life, though.

Double empathy problem: This is something that the psych community is talking about more lately, and essentially the idea here is that neurotypicals communicate best with other neurotypicals whereas neurodivergents communicate best with other neurodivergents. That doesn’t mean both groups can’t communicate with one another (and even reducing it to two groups is kind of oversimplifying things, because obviously culture and other things impact communication too) but there are different patterns of communication at work here. In my own life, I vibe well with people whose neurotypes are similar to mine—this is exactly why @coruscantrhapsody and I are such iconic roommates. The Double Empathy Problen is theorized to have played a role in stereotypes about autistic people not having any empathy. (PS: I don’t actually think August has undiagnosed ADHD in canon, at least not according to the writers. Still, I think it would be pretty interesting to write him in fanfiction as someone who has a missed childhood diagnosis given the way he struggles with rejection sensitivity, impulsivity, and emotion regulation, and the way that the adderall addiction could be a form of self-medication that has gone awry. For that reason I think it’d be interesting to see a fic where the sargust relationship is viewed through the lens of the double empathy problem. Obviously not in a way where the ADHD excuses August’s harmful behaviors, but you know. An added layer of delicious nuance. Alternately, I know some folks like to headcanon Wille as autistic. Sara really clicking with autistic!Wille when they finally get a chance to talk is something I’d like to see!)

Neurodivergent community: As far as I can tell, Sara doesn’t really have neurodivergent community. This makes me sad, as someone who strongly benefits from friendships with other neurodivergent people. I would like her to have some in someone’s fic, please! Let me know if you write it.

That’s all for now… maybe I’ll add more in a future post.

For any other AuDHDers, do you have any elements of your personal experience that you incorporate into how you interpret or write Sara’s character? Feel free to reblog and add on, if you feel so inclined. (But also, no pressure.) Like I said, every ND person experiences this stuff differently, so someone else may have completely different experiences than me.

[damnfandomproblems]

Both of these asks did not read my ask

~~~~

"I am so happy for this person that they have never had to experience the things that would make people bitter uncomfortable and upset about this kind of thing but this entire response is so rude and disrespectful ."

Cool. Good job assuming you know my life or struggles. Children shouldnt be shamed for having fun. I also literally said that they should be taught to be respectful and not to mock the disorder.

Tiktok is horrible about filters and pushing things to you that you dont want to see. Ofc its going to upset you to see kids do this all the time. The algorithm doesnt give you a choice.

What those people do online spreads misinformation and has actual consequences for people who are actually living with those things.

No one said they didnt.

If you’re old enough to be online you’re old enough to understand the consequences of your actions and when behavior is inappropriate.

Wrong. No one taught them. Humans do have a sense of right and wrong, but thats all it is. A sense. It takes experience and wisdom to learn what actually harms other and what doesnt. We are not born with these answers and no one is teach these children these things. Our society has changed drastically and basic respect and self discipline is almost a thing of the past.

Screaming at kids for just doing what they believe is having fun will not fix the problem of lack or respect and consideration they hold for others.

They make it much harder for self diagnosis to be taken seriously and when those who actually have something mention it online it gets discredited because of these people. It is an actual problem in our community’s and I do not appreciate the lack of understanding and dismissive nature this person has.

Indeed. It is a problem. But again shaming kids is not the solution. Doing so will just hinder their creativity and make them feel insecure.

Many of these kids are dealing with problems of their own. Theres a lot of neglect going on due to parents allowing their children to be raised on the internet. This is also causing the problems in behaviour we are dealing with. Many are depressed and are just looking to have a bit of joy in their life.

You cant just take it away from them. You cant tell them they arent allowed. You arent their parents but shaming them will just cause resentment and more aggressive behaviour.

If theres anyone who has a lack of understanding and dismissive nature it is you.

~~~~

The person was probably talking mostly about teenagers and adults doing this kind of thing not kids because that’s mostly who do it and they know better.

You should never assume some people "should" know better about niche topics. There are still adults and teens who arent terminally online or look for drama. Many just see a cool concept, get inspired, make a video and move on with their day.

Also from the way this person talks they have clearly never had to deal with anything (mental illness or otherwise ) that was later made trendy ( but only if you have a fun version obviously).

More assumptions. I dont owe you my diagnosis report.

I was relentlessly bullied for things I can’t control you can’t even begin to understand how it feels to log on one day and see countless people acting out stereotypes of the thing people torment you for and spreading wild amounts of misinformation.

:)

Because that’s a massive part of the problem

MISINFORMATION BEING SPREAD

Correct. Misinformation is a problem. But you are attacking the wrong people.

Cutting off the flowers but leaving the roots.

It may be fun and games to you but to people who actually have those things it’s incredibly hurtful and genuinely damaging irl and online there is no way to fake it without spreading misinformation

You know what's also damaging? Telling children to kill themselves over stuff like this. Because that's what a lot of people do. Ive seen it happen here on tumblr countless times. Blogs disappearing and many other going quiet only to then at some point have a family member or friend come on and announce their suicide on the page or on a different blog.

No one os saying the lack of respect, consideration and the abundance of misinformation ISNT a problem.

But driving people to suicide is not a solution. Shaming people for having fun just playing pretend is not the solution.

And yes there are those that know what they are doing is wrong. That still does not justify harassing them or suibaiting them. It does not matter how much it upsets you, you dont get to decide a random stranger on the internet deserves to die for it.

~~~~

Honestly i dont care what kids do for fun

My elder sister got really upset at our niece (10) for making an OC with a split personality because its "problematic" and shes met people who actually have DID so she cant stand her making a "disrespectful" character.

Its stupid. Our niece was just having fun and meant zero disrespect to people who actually deal with these kind of mental disorders.

Read this 10 times please ^^^

Its important that children learn about these things. Learn what they are and how they can affect the people that have them. Im not trying to say they shouldnt, but we shouldnt shame kids for having fun with the concept of these things either.

Note that i absolutely said this ^^^

Unfortunately the kids who started doing this trendy stuff were never taught about these disorders besides people online and eachother. But they werent wrong to be having fun with it. Just they should have been taught how to be respectful and not mock people who have these disorders and to learn that them pretending to have "alters" or characters in their mind to cope with boredom and the general shittyness of life is not the same as someone who was traumatized to the point of their mind actually splitting into two (or more) separate personalities and people (among other things) in order to protect itself.

Biggest paragraph here so how did you miss me saying this

Its the new "kinning" thing in alot of ways and really kids just need to be taught discipline and respect towards others. Many think being a mean bully is "edgy and cool" but when i was a child all the "edgy and cool" teens were scene kids and they were ACTUALLY the sweetest people i knew because they knew what it was like to be bullied and hurt by their peers. Its just a big problem of kids not being properly taught how to behave around people. Zero consequences for their actions and not learning to take responsibility for them too

Like seriously how do you read my ask this badly to have missed this

~~~~

I never said there weren't any problems. Especially about misinformation and people's behaviour. My point was about how no one should be shamed, harassed, anything else for exploring DID and the like as a concept.

There are better things you can do to alleviate the problems you are facing that ISNT driving people off the internet and to suicide. This "solution" is incredibly prevalent in these communities and only creates more negative stigma around people with these disorders, so i suggest you work on that first.

The behaviour of people, especially children cannot be fixed by the DID and neurodivergent community alone, but people will be more amenable to listening to you about your issues if you suggest compromise and understanding.

They are humans with their own problems going on and you need to treat them as such. You will find people who are completely unwilling, but you need to not focus so much on them and instead move on to paying attention to the people who are willing. Eventually the people who are willing will outnumber those that aren't. Just learn to stop treating people like shit and assuming they are always intentionally malicious and you'll find a lot more people are willing to help you.

Anon is replying to two several asks relating to Problem #4978.

[stonecourse]

While I wasn't gonna engage with the wiki editing discourse, I saw a take that rather upset me with regards to it. To directly quote that person;

They [the wiki editor's sources] don't say either way, it's not wrong to say that they don't state anything about it and that it's an internal disagreement. It's also a disagreement if it's a real disorder, all it did was say true things.

To validate the "disagreement" on if DID is a real disorder or not would be to validate the quack theory of vaccines causing autism. Not all disagreements are created equal, and despite the wishy-washy "blame the medical field for that" the fantasy theory on DID is actually not validated by any modern resources- especially the ones that the wiki editor cited. To validate the "disagreement" on if DID is a real disorder or not would be a real act of ableism, one that yes, fellow DID systems are capable of. Just because a DID system edited the page doesn't mean that their word is infalliable and cannot be questioned, and just because there's something you perceive as a disagreement doesn't mean that there is in fact a disagreement with two equal sides that present valid points. People use that exact disagreement theory to invalidate transgender people by saying "well, we can't say for sure if trans people really experience gender dysphoria because Roy Blanchard said it was a paraphilia to want to be in another gender's body so scientists disagree, yknow? All I'm saying is that there's a disagreement, guys!"

The reason DID systems push back so heavily on this "we don't know, there are disagreements" is because of viewpoints like this, where "disagreement" is almost always exclusively used to de-legitimize the argument of "this disorder frequently presents symptoms of trauma disorders despite being a dissociative disorder and should include treatment of such". It's not brought up ever to validate DID systems that don't have trauma histories, it's not brought up to discourage those who insist they need to re-traumatize themselves to feel more valid as a system, it's only there to say "well DID isn't trauma based so endogenics can have DID, shut up sysmed". Nobody addresses how this invalidates the need for trauma recovery in DID systems, or how it forces them to get a separate diagnosis of C-PTSD which can be quite difficult, or how in that case their DID can be mistaken for "PTSD with dissociative symptoms", an entirely separate diagnosis.

Iatrogenic DID and the fantasy model/social model are not, and I repeat, not, valid disagreements. They're anti-survivor, anti-recovery bullshit pushed to paint us as hapless attention-hungry neurotypical adult babies with overactive imaginations acting out for selfish reasons. You do not bring up these as "valid disagreements", and if you do, then fuck. guess you think fakeclaiming is fine now.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

[dragoon811]

I have had a shitty week. Can someone manifest me some good vibes?

Sunday started nice. Monday was a holiday (Family Day) so I got some extra weekend. I was looking forward to it - then Elder Child crawled into my bed just past midnight with a fever.

Monday she stopped eating after lunch (two bites of banana), but was drinking water.

Stayed home Tuesday to help her combat the fever. Wednesday morning she had no fever so my daycare lady was able to take her and I went to work. She kept me updated etc all day.

My gut didn’t like how much she was sleeping so after work I decided to take Elder Child to the children’s hospital. Convinced my husband to pack me a bag, thinking they’d throw Tylenol at us and we’d sit in the waiting room for 8 hours to be told it’s an ear infection/sinus infection…. But I got home to her and her fever returned. (And my period started. JOY.)

Loaded her into the stroller, threw myself in, and off we went! Waited in line at triage.

Triage called us, we weighed her, we talked. And I said I was concerned because she hadn’t eaten, the fever was back, my sister was diabetic and I was starting to worry because when she was sleeping I couldn’t rouse her easily, and her breath smelled and basically asked them to check her blood sugar.

So they did. (This was NOT an enjoyable experience for Elder Child.) it was at 2 - new to how Canadians measure shit, I’m really glad the little screen added in red: “CRITICAL LOW”.

The nurse made a phone call and stressed, surprised, that Elder Child was alert.

Upon the second attempt at a reading because it was low, Elder Child was more prepared. She kicked, she fought, she puked all over herself, and bolted for the emerge doors.

Ok. Skip a second test. (Note: I did not pack spare clothes.)

We were taken right back to a room in the emergency wing. Unsettling.

Then a flurry of people - a lady trying to help Elder Child adjust and calm down. Nurses. Doctors asking questions. (Another note - I have not slept well in 2 weeks, am hearing impaired, and now overwhelmed and scared. Not a good combo.)

Gave Elder Child a nasal spray to calm her (this resulted in another bolting for freedom, also thwarted), another blood check….and once the spray started to work, we tried to prep her for an IV/blood draw.

This was ALSO strongly disliked. More holding her down. I did a lot of crying.

We went through the symptoms - tummy hurting, drinking some water but hadn’t peed in like 6-7 hours, fever, sleeping constantly, not eating. Ended up doing ultrasound, X-ray. Ten bottles of blood (and she FREAKED). Finally got her to pee. Yes, she peed on me.

Refused food. Refused popsicles. Refused juice. Started IV - first sugar bolus. Then hydration. We named the IV robot Frank. Elder Child, loopy from the spray, patted it and told it it was doing a good job. Also, during our walk to ultrasound, said she was Frank’s pet puppy and he was taking her for a walk, see her leash? 😅

Spent the night. (Another note: my daycare kept her sister until bedtime. And we arranged to take her as soon as she woke up because we cannot trust my husband with her care.) Lots more holding her down and blood checks.

Also please note: Elder Dragoon wails and screams when distressed. She was very distressed. I felt really sorry for the staff because I couldn’t calm her.

In the morning she managed to eat a bit! Yay! Tried to disconnect the iv - sugar went down. Hooked her back up. Spent the day trying to get her to drink 100ml of apple juice.

Ended up discharged at almost 4pm - diagnosis: fever, causing hypoglycemia. Apparently kids don’t have as much stores as adults and the fever was burning through what she DID have.

So I spent today waking her every 4 hours and getting her to eat or drink. It took her an hour to drink half a juice box. But by dinner today she was improved and actually had food. And accepted popsicles.

Still have to get her eating or drinking again in about 20min. Then set the timer back.

I just want a full REM cycle of sleep. I am SO fucking tired.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Andrew Doyle: For those who don't know your experience, it'd be quite good if you could just briefly explain to us what happened to yourself.

Ritchie Herron: Sure. I transitioned as an adult at the age of 26 and at the gender clinic. I think my first appointment was January 2015 after a 15 month wait and the first question I got asked by the psychiatrist was, do I want surgery. To which I responded, no, I think I wanted some therapy.

So, funnily enough, they gave me therapy at the gender clinic. Now, I say therapy - it's gender affirmation therapy. So, any doubt I had was managed, and I was introduced to concepts like internalized transphobia, cis-sexism, and any sort of doubt that I had I had to bring to the table.

But once I had that initial diagnosis of transsexualism, I was essentially told that everything is all related to trans. There's no possible that it's related to anything else. I brought up the concept of my obsessive thoughts, I've diagnosed with OCD since before I entered the clinicm the possibility of autism, and I was told at the very beginning that, no, you can be trans and have OCD.

But when I actually had the surgery in 2018, after rejecting it several times, I told them immediately I regretted it and I was told it was because of the OCD.

So, it felt like I was in this impossible scenario with the gender clinic that I was the one who was doing the questioning, quite rightly, because as Bob said, it is patient-led and so it should remain like that, but if I'm presenting a doubt then then I think that should be heard probably.

And also, we need to really talk about the pathway to surgery. So, you don't get any information at the gender clinic about surgery. They don't give you any videos, they don't give you any sort of interactions with others who have got it. For instance, i heard about another clinic that, in their pre surgery group, they introduced people who had had surgery, and the referral list for surgery dropped dramatically, when people realised what it's like living like this, and it is very, very difficult. You only hear the positives.

Doyle: Could you maybe tell us some of your experiences of having surgery, and I know that you've said that you regret the surgery that you've had. Could you maybe tell us a bit about that?

Herron: Sure, so I had what's called a penile inversion with scrotal graft, which sounds a lot more horrific than bottom surgery, or GRS or SRS, because everything gets fluffed up with this language, which is a big part of the problem.

But essentially, what that means is my testicles were removed and my penis was inverted, muscles were torn away, and I've now got a cavity in my crotch that is called a neo-vagina. I knew it was irreversible at the time, but I was -- I had a lot of red flags, shall we say, which is one of the reasons why I'm bringing them to task.

And I think when you sit outside and you're thinking, well, why did you do it in the end, which is a justified question, but when you've got somebody who's very vulnerable, as Bob was saying, where you've got this idea that this will, sort of, make things better, and quite frankly, I was a little bit delusional as well with what it was going to do, because I wasn't given the information to make that real informed choice. I was just told that if you don't get it now, you might not be able to get it in a few years anyway, because the wide rumours about the services closing, wide rumours about surgeons retiring, and we keep getting told that they were the best surgeon ever.

==

Ritchie was in his 20s. There's a lot of talk about protecting kids, but adults need to be protected from this model too.

It's a standard trope of genderists to turn around and say to detransitioners like Ritchie, well, he has only himself to blame, he knew what he was getting himself in to, and bleat "informed consent" as a magical shield of protection. None of them can actually tell you what "informed consent" actually means, or how what these people experienced actually qualifies as "informed consent" -- mostly because they won't listen to them in the first place.

However, every apologetic they offer is always accidentally an argument against these practices.

[autism-unfiltered]

hi, i just got diagnosed with autism at 25, but i'm unsure about it bc i feel like other autistic ppl have/had it harder than me. i've never had a meltdown or shutdown, and despite the social issues i had growing up, whenever i read about others' experiences i always feel like they had it so much harder, like all my struggles were actually manageable, things only started getting harder once i reached adulthood. also the diagnostic process was fairly easy, the therapist said it's because i know myself really well, but now i'm scared i've actually been fooling myself.

Hello,

Firstly, congratulations on taking the step to understand yourself better through your diagnosis. It's important to remember that autism is a spectrum and everyone's experience with it is unique. Just because your challenges may seem different or less severe than others', it doesn't invalidate your diagnosis or your struggles. Many people on the autism spectrum don't experience meltdowns or shutdowns, and others develop coping mechanisms that may make their struggles less visible to the outside world.

Moreover, reaching adulthood can indeed present new challenges that weren't as prominent during childhood or adolescence. The structures and routines of school life give way to less predictable adult responsibilities, which can be more difficult to navigate. It's also not uncommon for individuals, especially women and those assigned female at birth, to receive a diagnosis later in life due to a variety of factors, including the ability to mask symptoms.

Feeling like you know yourself well is actually a strength and can be helpful in many areas of life, including therapy. It's not a sign that you've fooled yourself; rather, it could mean that you've been adept at managing your symptoms. However, if you still feel uncertain about your diagnosis, it's okay to seek a second opinion or ask your therapist to address your concerns. It's also beneficial to connect with the autism community, where you'll find a wide range of experiences and perspectives.

Remember, your experiences are valid, and it's okay to take time to explore what your diagnosis means for you. There's no right or wrong way to be autistic, and no two journeys are the same. Take care of yourself and reach out for support if you need it.

[pb-dot]

The Sisypheanism of Self Care

I don't know if the title is strictly accurate or uses words that are actual words, and neither do I care. Today's been a rough one and I'm granting myself license to be a little extra.

In the last year or so I've become acutely aware that the various mental health care I've been receiving hasn't really been hitting the mark. The talk therapy fails to function as much more than a pressure valve, although it in fairness has been a great pressure valve when I could get it. The problem is that we, that is to say, I and my doctor, former therapist, and social services caseworker haven't really made any inroads into making my life any better or breaking me out of my depression, or this spiral of unemployment, taking a job that doesn't fit my strengths, working until I have burnout and quit - repeat that I have been caught in for most of my adult life.

I was hoping there was an end coming to this time of faffing about with common sense cures for depression, my doctor currently suggests I lose some weight (I know, you're shocked) and take cold showers. In fairness, treatment-resistant depression probably isn't her field of expertise being a GP and all. Anyway, the reason why I hoped this was because I've recently been referred to the public psychiatric center that I know takes a somewhat more clinical approach to treatment, so although I wasn't holding out hope of being "cured" anytime soon, I was kind of hoping this would land me with a treatment plan of some sort. Maybe some different meds? A supplementary diagnosis of some sort? Who's to say, but a fella can dream, can't he?

So far I've talked to two separate mental health professionals who both seem deeply unsure about what to do about me. Out-fucking-standing. Oh, there were also some blood tests as I expressed I was a bit uncertain whether my antidepressants were, in fact, doing anything. I suppose that is the first thing you do in that instance, but I'm just expecting to hear that my body is treating the meds right, and the question if it does do something remains kind of floating in the air. That is, if it doesn't turn out I'm secretly immune to these as well.

Anyway, it's impatience on my end, and I'm fully aware of it. Diagnosing mental health conditions and neurodivergence is tricky and the consequences for making the wrong call can be pretty bad. That said, I'm just tired of getting mh treatment that I can't actually tell if does anything at the same time as I'm getting help getting back to work that I can't tell if does anything, and every time I talk to anyone in my life about this I can't but shrug and go "it'll pay off eventually... I hope."

It's all just such a waste. I was such a bright child in school, and although I wasn't quite as much of a standout during university, I did ok considering I was heavily depressed at the time. Hell, I'm still smart, pretty darn smart in certain fields, I would suggest, and my last formal test of my mental capabilities would agree. And yet, here I sit. Unemployed, frustrated, depressed, a walking pile of anxiety and dark thoughts so robust they almost, but thankfully not quite, should count as a philosophy by now.

Where did I go wrong? There are probably a bunch of things I could have done differently, but frankly, I also feel like Society, that old villain, has failed me in some rather profound ways. It's not just how difficult it has been getting mental health help that actually does something, or how absolutely debilitating being unemployed can be, although these certainly do contribute. My problem isn't just that my life is being made measurably worse by our old foe Late Stage Capitalism, although most of these are just made worse by that cancerous corpse of an ideology. The world seemingly has no place for me it feels like. Loneliness pushes in around me from every conceivable angle, dating is a nightmare, every job requires multi-year experience or specialized education I hadn't even heard about before reading about them, there seems to be no thought put into how exactly anyone not fitting into this cripplingly overspecialized work market is supposed to live their godfuckingdamned life, and that's not even getting into the climate shit.

I honestly hate how easy it is for me to pivot from talking about depression to unemployment. I hate how employment has to be a factor in my mental health. I hate how approximately nobody I've talked to about it, on the professional side, seems to get that I wasn't less depressed back when I was working. I hate how I can't get a job because it feels fucking impossible to be enough of a "go-getter with can-do attitude" to even make it to the interview stage when nothing feels good or worth it. I hate the fucking catch-22 of it all, and I hate that neither psychiatrist nor doctor nor case worker can even begin to unravel this Gordian knot for me, or even tell me where in the good grace of fuck I might begin pulling.

It's like they're saying "Sorry, your depression is untreatable and although we won't say it to your face, the labor market's general indifference to you should tell you that you have no place in it which in the current order of things means you have no value. Shame about that, someone probably should've told you all this before you did your best in school and endured the social ostracization that followed with being a kinda weird kid that loved books, all fueled by the fucking lie that it'd get better once you were done with school."

So yeah. I'm not having a fantastic day today, but I think getting some bile out of my system might have helped me feel a little less terrible? Better days than this will come, I'm sure. I'll try doing nice things for myself the rest of the day, although I'm not quite sure what they were. If I shitpost or rb more saucy art than usual today, that's probably what I ended up with

[sweet-dreams-system]

Happy International Women's Day! (OK, it's after midnight, forgive me.) I want to talk about what this past year has done for me, as a woman. First, a bit of my story. I grew up an eldest of many, parentified and abused. I was taught that women were weak and useless except as sex objects and baby makers. I grew up hating the fact that I was AFAB. I also went through a lot of severe trauma while young. I hated women. I thought women had to be manipulative and wheedling. It is how I was raised. When I became adult aged I felt I was always in fight or flight, and I never felt true to myself. I thought I was wrong. I tried to get god to fix me. Spoiler alert, he didn't. I spent years fighting gto be acceptable. (To who? Me? God? Society?)

In December 2022, I received a devastating diagnosis. I learned I had Dissassociative Identity Disorder. I struggled and fought with myself over what this meant for my future and what it said about my past. It explained a lot, actually. So many experiences that never made sense finally clicked into place. I cannot explain it all in this one post, but it was a great relief. I started to understand my feelings and behaviors, to accept that these things, my strangeness, etc...was truly a part of who I am and I cannot change those things, but I can learn to live life to the fullest by being true to myself. In the second half of 2023, I saw the Barbie movie. I started to process what I had been taught womanhood was VS what I felt like, as a person who identifies as a woman. I learned that there is no one way to be a valid woman. I also learned that it is OK for me to like pink, frilly, glittery things, and my thermos cup and Taylor Swift, and Barbie, and all sorts of things and it does not make me less valuable than a masculine person. Everything I had wanted before, to be strong, and smart, and witty, and thoughtful, and so many things....I had thought I had to be masculine. I didn't know I could be all those things and be a girl. I thought I had to be some kind of peacemaker to be a woman. But I am naturally a warrior...who loves peace. I love glitter and sparkles and looking at pretty clothes...and I have no desire to wear makeup and I love my jeans and hoodies.

I am a woman. I am a person with a complicated past. I am a person with DID. These things all make me a big ball of contradictions. And I am beautiful. I have learned to accept all my aspects. I am happier and healthier and stronger than I have ever vbeen in my life. I am so grateful.

Happy International Women's Day.

[sysmedsaresexist]

Maybe its bad on my part but im native, trans, bi, afab and disabled... Ill never get an actual diagnosis just because of one of those but all 5? No way and tbh... I dont think it'll do me any good other than give me another hurdle when it comes to getting gender affirming care or adopting or even getting treated like an adult. Me and my system are ok and i dont experience distress from my system enough to think i need psychological help.

Idk if i can handle some white ass cishet abled doctor walking up and saying i dont have it and gaslighting me.

I hope this dosent conceded cause thats not my intention but even though im anti-endo, i get their distrust in the medical system and why diagnosis is something many wont persue. 1 because many of them know the doctor will diagnosis them correctly(as having trauma or having something different) and 2 because american doctors are not a safe place like... Ever. If your not a cishet abled white man.

So, a lot to cover here.

I'm white, afab, trans, bi, with multiple partners. I was diagnosed at about 21, and I've been in and out of therapy ever since. I'm also Canadian. Getting diagnosed was the best thing to ever happen for me, and I have several friends with the same experience.

And several who had bad experiences.

My experience will not be everyone's.

I am not pushing for anyone to get diagnosed. Doing so is a personal choice, and a decision that should be made by you, and your therapist if you have one. There are many reasons someone might get diagnosed (access to resources and specific care, financial support, etc) and just as many reasons someone might not want to get diagnosed. You also don't need a diagnosis to get the help you need.

What I DO want to people to hear is: whatever decision you make, do it with the REAL facts.

If you're going to choose not to get diagnosed, don't do it based on bullshit you see or hear on the internet. I made a post several months ago about someone going around saying that a diagnosis will stop you from getting housing, a job, and being able to buy alcohol, of all things, as if you have to present your mental papers to the cashier.

None of those are true. Gender affirming care also can be still be given and received, with an added step of a psychiatric evaluation (which is mandatory in Canada anyways for everyone, regardless of mental health, so if you think about it, you're not really losing anything). You can still adopt and have a family. You can own a home and have a job.

If you take anything away from my blog, it should be this:

Know your rights, and know how to exercise them

There are assholes everywhere, I'm not denying that. There are people who will bend rules and laws and who will use personal information (like diagnoses) against you. I'm not blaming anyone who has had this happen to them, either, as if they should have preemptively known better. No, that's not it at all.

Being aware that it happens, though, know that you have rights-- you're protected by employment, privacy, and human rights laws (yes, even in America, I debunk more American myths than Canadian). You do not need to disclose for work, except for positions in the military, certain healthcare positions, and when working with vulnerable sectors, and even in those cases, not always, and it can't affect their decision to hire you. You don't need to disclose for housing. You don't need to tell anyone anything, and you shouldn't, unless you need reasonable accommodations, and once they have that information, it can't be used against you. Don't let them. Easier said than done, I know, I've let things slide myself that, looking back, I wish I hadn't. Sometimes it's just easier, even if it's not right.

Point is, when in doubt, question everything. Do your own research, find your own answers, look for sources, question facts you see that aren't cited.

When you make decisions for yourself, be certain you're making it for the right reasons, and with the right information.