#also this seems rude? idk if it was meant that way though

[vulcan-moon]

delete your twitter?

got a lot of friends who use twitter so i cant

[sofipitch]

Thinking about body horror in The Locked Tomb, specifically how the bodies of the dead are treated. Wake's skeleton tilling the fields, using her to feed an empire she hates even in death. Abigail's death not having anything to do with her but more just the inconvenience that she was there, evidenced by Cyth stashing the key in her as if she were a box. Protesilous is particularly good because you meet him as a person after you have seen his corpse used against his consent in the first book. After Cyth tells Palamedes she tossed his girlfriend and her bodyguard in the garbage she says "Don't look at me like I'm a monster". How ppl's remains are treated matter, when Crux threatened Gideon he threatened her with just that, being treated as parts.

I just have specific feelings about dead bodies and how they should be treated. I could never do anything involving cutting them without thinking this was someone's grandmother, or lover, or best friend. I distinctly remember what did this was going to see The Bodies Exhibit where you get to see a lot of preserved organs and such. I thought I would be fine, I was even super excited, I liked anatomy and physiology. But I remember looking at a sagittal cut of a head and torso meant to show off the brain and spinal cord and Idk why but I turned my head side ways and got level with the display and there was the man's face. That horrified me more than anything, his face mostly hidden so you don't remember this was a person. The ppl in this exhibit never consented to be a part of it, they are unidentified persons, no one came to get their body so it meant anyone could do what they wanted with it. Even worse popular myth for a while was that these were the bodies of prisoners, as if that made it okay to treat them with disrespect. There was writing on the wall as we left saying the bodies had been handled with respect but I would never want to be put on display in a museum, so how could we know they didn't feel the same? I also wouldn't want my index finger on display at the Vatican museum. I understand it's meant for worship but there also seems to be something rude in the piecemeal display of saints.

I feel strongly about respect for remains and idk how Muir does but there's something particularly good about Gideon being aware of her remains after death. The argument for a lot of bad treatment of corpses is "the person isn't going to know". So Muir created a character that becomes BOE's body farm experiment, until finally she has to go back into and haunt her corpse, embarrassed at her wounds and the way others can see her meat. Her first interaction is objecting to someone sticking her corpse with a needle, even though she can't feel

[blood-grove]

unnatural bleeding

merfolk au!

previous <- part 5 -> WIP

parings: gaz x reader

chars: gaz, price , soap , ghost

tws: blood, injuries, violence, past abuse, language, slow burn.

a/n: hehehhehehe finally new update :3 got rid of the rude reader tw cuz reader is gonna be annoyed at the world at best angry at worst plus i dont think ive been writing them rudely so also forgive me if the writing pov changes weirdly idk i have a hard time staying focused and consistent ill try better

tags; @chickennn-soupp @cassiecasluciluce @sans-chara @lethargicluv  @kaoyamamegami

What the hell was this place.

It seems all they did was stare at you and when you would clearly get sick of the mumbles and looks you'd splash them and they'd fucking laugh.

They were weird and the Gaz guy was weirder.

You found later his name was actually Kyle and he meant to clarify earlier.

But you found the silly nickname funny.

But this wasn't fun.

Being propped up on a large mat next to the side of the pool the leather felt uncomfortable under you, You also felt way too exposed as a few humans looked over your stitches and wrappings.

It felt weird there hands weren't rough but no one besides a few have touched you like this they were talking about something you'd care less to pay attention too.

As they examined you, Gaz kept trying to pull your attention away from the other humans.

Oh?

Was he jealous?.

Humans are so fickle it's funny.

-

Christ.

Even working with merfolk in the past Gaz still never got used to the bigger ones like you.

Scarface as you've been suitably nicknamed for the moment been alright and cooperative so far no biting or thrashing.

He'd likely guess the wounds were causing you to be so irritable they didn't look good when they first arrived problem had a couple of parasites on them along with other infections that are still being treated.

Price was observing the whole check up process.

You didn't speak much at least not to any of the other staff.

There were a few problems though.

Firstly they found you solo but there was still likely you belonged to a pod but which is the question.

Secondly, they couldn't keep you in the medical pool forever you were wild to some extent it would be cruel to keep you from you family.

Thirdly during your surgery, they'd found a piece of metal that didn't look important it was kept to be looked over in case it helped discover why you were in such a state, Price already guessed territorial fighting but you clearly (no offense) couldn't pick your battles.

Some of these scars and bites could have been lethal.

He was pulled out of his thoughts as you shifted clicking in annoyance he was quick to reach over for another fish from the bucket nearby by offering it up in an attempt to distract you.

"Are all humans this pokey?"

"No Scarface we just..need to make sure your healing okay..Then we can release you."

Kyle huffed as he gave you an honest smile ignoring the glare and grumble he received in return, You still took the fish though idly crunching on it.

They eventually finished the examination without much fuss except for you not so subtly tripping the newest volunteer who honestly should have been starting off with a much smaller mer than you.

But you start off somewhere.

Speaking of which it's about lunch time for them now and his break time, Kyle oversaw you getting back into the pool without much struggle before he left your area visiting by Price to mention he was going on his break before grabbing his lunch and heading to the docks.

He'd usually not have to wait long before they'd show but it'd seemed they were late.

It wasn't long till a familiar face popped up flashing teeth and all.

"Hey, Soap!" Kyle grinned as he looked to see the shark mer propping up his elbows onto the dock.

"Ghost comin'..?"

"Ah in a bit he's still getting his bearings.."

Now he was confused the last time he'd seen the pair and given them there updated shots and tags they'd been great.

The pair were unusual a Shark and Orca together seemed unheard of but yet just a few years ago now when Kyle had fallen overboard during an solo observation trip Ghost saved him from drowning.

Both of them were odd in a good way, Simon having been outcasted by his pod but he doesn't like to talk about it.

He had lots of scars all telling of countless battles of either for his territory or from just fights.

As for Soap, Sharks were solitary regardless but Soap had his own set of scars from fights some he shouldn't have tried starting.

"Bearings? What happended?.."

"Another fuckin' Orca smaller not as experienced grabbed me a few days back, Si really fucked em' up till the bastard clocked him on the head with there tail-"

Wait.

"Jesus , Where is he? I can get a team out and-"

"Ah ye know how he feels about humans..Plus he seemed to be swimming straight.."

"But Soap , He could have a concussion or maybe a facture-"

Soap sighed as he glanced back to the water before back at Kyle.

"Look..You can try convincing em'"

Soap frowned as Simon finally surfaced propping himself up onto the dock as well the wood creaking slightly under the weight of just Simons upper half.

"Ghost"

"Kyle."

Kyle huffed as he didnt even need to say anything as he went up to him giving him a look before he huffed grumbling quietly adjusting himself better so that Kyle could assess him.

Taking his time looking over the newer injuries they had healed well enough fishing out his little hand held flash light from his keychain in his pocket he checked Ghost's eyes.

After a bit of checking Kyle felt satisfied ignoring Ghost annoyed clicks.

"Mm..Now Soap you said it was another Orca right..? Did it come back?"

"Nah..Fucker swam off after bashing Ghost head..Pretty sure I could smell em' bleeding though for a bit till they got too far."

Right this was looking to be way too convenient and fitting to not match up with good ol' Scarface's condition.

"Mm..Alright..Anyway I brought some-"

"Treats?!" Before Kyle could even move his lunchbox away Soap had snatched it and Kyle let out a exasperated sigh not even fighting for it risk of being pulled into the water.

"Jesus Soap my lunch is still in there be careful- And dont eat the plastic!"

[appocalipse]

Idk if you're still doing that prompt list but "sick" or scenario 13 with Steve would be 🥹🥹

i wasn't going to do it anymore, but...reading those prompts gave me an idea so i decided to try ♥ i kinda mixed them together

[SICK; Trying not to look but helping them out of their clothes when they’re physically unable to, both of them so close together. ]

"Steve," you had called, worry eating at you. Halfway to the front door, he'd turned and looked at you over his shoulder. And so, even though you knew the answer, even though you hated the answer he would inevitably give you, you'd asked, "Do you have someone to take care of you?"

And that's how, you remind yourself, you ended up where you are now — moments away from helping him out of his clothes.

The thought seems alarming, but there's nothing romantic or sexual about it.

Or at least there shouldn't be.

"Here," you say, touching the hem of his sweater with shaky hands, hoping he doesn't notice your inexplicable uneasiness. "Let me help you."

Steve lets you. He's a much better patient than you are a nurse, you think. But the reason you're here, helping him out of his uncomfortable clothes so he can hopefully catch some sleep is pretty valid: he's broken his right arm, and as if it wasn't bad enough there is also a cut on the left side of his abdomen, just below the ribs, big enough he'd needed 8 stitches to close it.

In his defense, the car crash hadn't been his fault. 

The sweater is gone after what seems like an eternity of careful movements and apologies at every slightest hint that Steve was in pain (although he'd assured you the whole time that it's okay, it's okay, I'm fine), but in the end, you're successful. How the people at the hospital had managed to get those clothes on him so quickly is an absolute mystery to you. 

You breathe a sigh of relief, a small burden lifted from your shoulders. You don't even have to look to know that Steve is beaming. The fact that he is so calm through it all is even more maddening to you.

Next up is his t-shirt. 

The cycle of nervousness starts all over again when your fingers find the hem of his shirt and you start to lift it up, exposing a small sliver of skin, then a bit more...

Steve says your name and it's the first thing he says after many minutes of being silent, so you lift your head to look at him without a second thought. 

"Breathe," he says, certainly not without kindness but with an unmistakable amount of amusement in his tone as well.

He's too close. Almost nose to nose, a hairsbreadth of distance between your face and his.

And yes, as much as it bothers you to admit it, Steve is right — you were holding your breath without realizing it.

He bites his lip to hide a smile. "That's not funny," you chide, though you're trying to contain your own smile.

"You're nervous."

"You had eight stitches and broke an arm."

"Sorry."

"It wasn't your fault," you say, because it wasn't, although he probably isn't apologizing for that specifically.

Steve always drives carefully and responsibly, most likely because there's almost always one of the kids in the backseat of his car. The problem that caused the accident was some malfunction in the car, something you hadn't quite understood because all you could really think about since you found out that Steve had crashed the car was him; if he would be okay, if you'd be able to see him, if he'd be in pain. Most of the explanations got lost on the way from your ears to your brain.

"I meant I'm sorry for calling you," says Steve, and for the first time he sounds serious, almost embarrassed. "From the hospital. They tried my parents first, but they-"

"-are idiots," you say, with more contempt than you probably should let on. Then you realize how rude that probably sounded like. "Sorry, I-I shouldn't have said that. They're still your parents and-"

To your surprise, Steve laughs — a low, small chuckle that barely lasts a second, and even so it's enough to make him wince, probably feeling pain. Fortunately, it passes quickly. "No, no, you're right. I was going to say they're out of town as always, but you're right. They are idiots."

You smile.

The feeling that took over you the moment you'd arrived at the hospital to see Steve and realized that he was there, alone, was indescribable. He was alone in there as if he had no family. As if nobody cared about him. 

Maybe it was for the better that his parents didn't show up until now, you think. You're not quite sure what you would have said or done if they had appeared in front of you.

Great. Now there's a lump in your throat. 

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Steve would have shrugged if he wasn't injured, you're sure. "I'm used to taking care of myself, it's no big deal."

"Well, you can forget about that," you say firmly. Because I'm going to take care of you from now on, you hope he understands.

He doesn't say anything. It doesn't seem like he's able to, you realize. But, in his silence, Steve understands; he understands so well that he cannot express his gratitude in words, his affection. He hopes that you will be able to read it in his eyes.

Back to your task, you take a deep breath, looking away from his face to where your hands are gripping the fabric tightly. You help him pull his shirt over his head very slowly, very carefully. 

If Steve feels any pain, he doesn't let it show. It wouldn't be the first time, but you hope it's not the case, hope he's not in pain anymore, that he feels he can be vulnerable in front of you. Everyone needs to be at some point.

There's not much else to look at than Steve's now exposed chest, although you do your best not to stare. The flush creeping up your cheeks betrays you, though, and now there's only one piece of clothing remaining. 

Steve is wearing jeans. You can't sleep in jeans, can you?

"You don't sleep with a shirt on, do you?" you ask, wondering if he'd like something else to wear.

"No," he says. "No pants either."

Your mind freezes for a brief second. Probably not your brightest moment. "Do you want me to- I mean-"

You're far from a doctor, but it doesn't seem like a good idea for him to bend over to take off his own pants when he's had that many stitches.

"Are you asking me if I want you to take my pants off?" Steve is making a huge effort not to smirk, you can tell.

How can he be so relaxed?

Somehow what comes out of your mouth is, "I promise I won't look."

"I don't mind if you do."

A shiver runs down your spine and you feel what can only be described as butterflies in your stomach, something wonderful and unnerving at the same time. Your gaze meets his and you try to sound convincing as you say, with your chin held up, "Stop messing with me, Harrington."

"But I like messing with you."

"Oh my God-" you let out something between a sigh and a small laugh. "I hate you."

"You love me."

And then, it's like your mouth works on its own.

"I do," you find yourself saying.

And, as expected, silence follows. Steve looks shocked. This silence seems to last a lifetime, to stretch out impossibly longer — it's an everlasting torture. You didn't mean to drop the l-bomb on him like this, didn't mean to say the words even though you knew them to be true. He probably did too, but hearing it out loud is a different thing entirely.

Steve's mind is a mess.

Did you mean it as a friend?  he wonders.

Did you mean it as something else?

Did you mean it at all?

Then…

Does it change how I feel?

No.

"I love you too."

Unlike you, Steve sounds firm, certain. Like it's a decision. Like he is ready for it to change everything between you two or nothing at all if that's what you want.

"I would do all of this for you too, if you were in my place," he continues…and then he frowns, as if something unpleasant just occurred to him. "Actually, please never be in my place- I don't even want to think about you in pain. Okay?"

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

So in your most recent ramble on Theories technically isn't Frank being atheist slightly concious of what's going on cannon since artwork of him being aware of other puppet parts was in the recent update? What if some neighbors really know nothing but others actually do know of a little bit of what's happening but Wally doesn't realize they do so he tries to keep face?

Though I'll admit with your idea of that not being the "Real" Barnaby in the Interview may explain why Wally went really quiet during the interview even when being directly asked things once Barnaby showed up

Kind like he was so focused on the "That's not Barnaby. Why do they Look like him? Who are They??" That the Interviewers questions got completely ignored as "Barnaby" answered the question instead until Wally snapped out of it.

Just thoughts on your thoughts of many thoughts- Thoughts!

sorry i Did Not See This!

for a moment i was very confused as to what you meant by "athiest" but i see - you meant "at least!" yes, i've been tentatively believing in Frank being a bit aware because of your stated reason, and also purely based on vibes and how he's been shown to be more, ah, cynical than the others. or... knowledge seeking? nosy but in a technical way. mild example is when he mused on how he's never seen a blue dog before in his bug audio w/ Barnaby.

and i do believe in the idea that everyone - or almost everyone knows somethings up, but they're not sure what / it's an easy feeling to ignore. like how i've talked about Howdy potentially knowing that he's selling props / inedible objects as food, but everyone can eat it anyway. so he's just like "fuck it yeah sure, i'll sell soap as mashed potatoes", yk? then of course in the Halloween update - which i know this ask was sent before it, apologies again - Sally knows there's somethin' the fuck up in the neighborhood at night. i wouldn't be surprised if everyone has a little Something they've noticed that bothers them deep down...

and Wally... honestly i'm starting to suspect that - again! If there's a time discrepancy between "official" audios and the secret ones or at least all audios vs his interactions with the whrp/qa/You - Wally in the official audios isn't quiiiite up to speed? like, he probably knows what he is and the like, but he's still figuring out everyone's places and the nature of his existence. like how in the Halloween "secret" audio 00, where he eats part of Barnaby's candy apple - it seemed like it took a great effort, like Wally was just trying it out. like a "i think i can do this... i'm trying..." it strikes me as a "new" thing for him there. he's not accustomed to it? idk... but whatever the case Wally certainly knows that he has to keep Secrets! can't tell the others about literally anything!

as for the interview - tbh i don't think Wally was quiet because he noticed that Barnaby was (potentially) just a person in a suit. several reasons! i have a feeling that Wally being Aware means that he understands, at least on some level, what a puppet is and the nature of it, so it wouldn't really disturb him? or maybe it would... apple pie and all... SO! another piece of reasoning! it's possible that Wally had no idea that that Barnaby "wasn't" Barnaby. After all, how could he tell?

personally, i think Wally was just quiet because, well, he's not much of a talker - at least not around Company it seems! in all of the audios where he's with other neighbors, he fades into the background and defers to them, only chiming in occasionally. and the Interview appears to be set in the early days of Welcome Home the tv show, so Wally would still be uh. for lack of a better word, fresh outta the box. if Barnaby starts talking, naturally Wally would sit back and let him lead. Wally takes a beat too long formulating a response and Barnaby barrels on - well what would Wally do? interrupt? that would be rude...

[sweetieviktor]

"take me back to the night we met", feat. viktor.

summary: you knew he was dieing, but seeing him using shimmer was too much to bare . based on the song "the night we met", by lord huron.

word count: 720.

content warning: season 1, act 3 spoilers! idk if shimmer use count as a cw, but anyways this is angst and it doesn't have a happy ending!

author notes: there's so much time since i've written fanfiction!! but i loved doind this one and i swear that i cried while writing this. and this may be very ooc and doesn't match the scenes in season 1, act 3, but i dont have time to watch it again now and i was so hyped up bcs of season 2 that i just had to write something, yk? also, there may be some typos or grammar errors even though i re-read this like 3 times i think lol. but yeah, here it is!

you came back to his lab expecting to see him doing good, maybe working on his research, too focused on any stuff he was doing at the moment and not noticing you by the door, but he wasn't in there, or so it looked like.

he was hunched over his desk, in his hands was a glass tube, the remaining of the purple liquid shimmering in the dark room, illuminating just enough to draw his weak silhouette amongst the shadows.

“viktor…?” was everything you said while getting closer to him, walking with slow steps, trying to make no sounds to alarm him.

“stop.” raising a hand, that was all he said.

just as you were told, you stopped on your tracks, observing that, his once perfect hand, was now painted in a shade of purple, the same that was inside the glass recipient.

it can't be. right?

“what you did to yourself?”

“i did what needed to be done.” he was so baretoned, you didn't understand why he seemed so rude, so crude, so… unlike him.

when his words settled in, it felt like your stomach was turning, wrapping itself around your guts, making you sick. you felt sick, for him.

“please, please, viktor, don't tell me that you're using sh-” “yes.”

of course you knew about his condition, of course you knew he wasn't doing good at all, and mostly, you knew that things were meant to end, one way or another. but you didn't think he would kill himself like this.

and this was all you needed to break.

“why you didn't told me? i could have helped you, we could find a way to work through it,” the tears started to prick on your eyes, your voice breaking, the anger at yourself pooling into your core. “you wouldn't need to use shimmer, vik...”

the feeling that the universe stole and took all that once mattered to you was what drove you insane. the feeling that you could make things different, make things better, the oh so simple solution that you could find, if only he had told you.

“it’s not that easy! you wouldn't understand if i told you sooner. no one would understand it, even if they tried really hard to.” he turned his head towards your direction, looking at your face for a brief second, before turning his gaze back to the ground, his purple irises trying to focus on something that wasn't your saddened face, now, feeling his own eyes burning, burning even more than the blood running in his veins. “we are in piltover, the city of progress, and yet, i am stuck behind, and i'm dieing. so, i needed to do something, and i did.”

“what you don’t understand is that you're destroying yourself, viktor. destroying yourself so slowly that it almost feels like torture. i fear that i wouldn't be able to see you for another day.” you sobbed, the tears rolling down and he didn't dare to look at your eyes again, he knew that you were crying. he knew it and he couldn't bear the thought that he was the one that made you cry. “if there is a god somewhere, i wish they could turn back time and take me back to the night we met. maybe things could be different, right?”

looking at him, a weak, nervous smile was all you could get out while crying, thinking to yourself when things started to get this wrong and how you let it happen, without even realizing what was wrong. how could you let him do this to himself?

your body was shaking, it felt like the whole world was trembling. the nonstoping thoughts hammering your head, your heart a mile per minute, the air in your lungs wasn't enough. everything, everything seemed like it was crushing down on you, right in this moment.

“i'm sorry. i'm so sorry... i need to go. now.”

you needed to get out of here, you needed to breathe.

you headed back to the door, wishing that some cold breeze would cool you down, would just stop your mind and racing heart. wishing for him to be fine again. praying for any and all gods that lived in the skies and beyond, praying for him to be alive. just for a bit more.

[fudanshipoe]

ranpo edogawa is autistic

a long analysis of ranpo's autistic traits (around 2k?? Idk it's long)

(there were meant to be wayyy more pics, including quotes from the novel, but I couldn't add more than 10 </3)

1) socialization

a) bluntness and literal thinking

Ranpo communicates in a very frank manner. He is always straight to the point in the way he talks and comes off as rude to the people around him. He’s self-aware of the fact that he does not act according to the social expectations of others and verbalizes this himself many times in the series. He does put others down for not being on his intellectual level, very frequently I will say, but that is not always his intention when pointing out the obvious to other people, and subsequently coming off as unintentionally rude. Along with this, he is a very chatty individual who goes on about his own findings in such a way that gives the impression that he always regards others with a flippant attitude, and while this is true to some degree due to his self pride, Ranpo does not always intend this to be the effect. Ranpo is not always aware of social cues relating to this, either. For example, there are many times when another character's words go straight over his head because he takes it at face value. Literal thinking is another autistic trait that he exhibits heavily in the series, and this goes beyond his ability to discern logical facts. Another point of his seeming social unawareness is his lack of understanding of other people. This is shown heavily within the Untold Origins light novel, Ranpo expresses throughout the novel that there is something everyone else gets that he does not, and that he is isolated from the rest of the world.

b) low empathy

Ranpo also has very low empathy. This is another common autistic trait, though it is just as probable for an autistic to be on the extreme opposite. One of Ranpo's most outwardly identifying traits is the flippant attitude he carries for others. Even his own personal motto is about himself, after all. So it's natural to assume he is just self-centered, but he isn't. Ranpo struggles to identify with other people's emotions. That is to say, his way of thinking is very literal, as I stated earlier. He struggles to conceptualize other people's emotions, but he expresses compassionate and cognitive empathy (desire to help and the desire to understand rather than what people typically think of “empathy” as, emotional empathy or feeling other people’s emotions). He voices himself that he isn't that great at sympathizing with people in the manga. At one point, before Atsushi joins the Agency, Ranpo weighs him as less important compared to the Agency because of his focus on protecting the Agency and his comrades, to which he does not recognize Atsushi as at this time. He does care about helping people, but Ranpo is more concerned with those close to him.

c) personal boundary issues

Ranpo struggles with recognizing boundaries with other people, both with personal space and his inability to conceptualize with others a lot of the time. In the Perfect Crime arc, he bluntly demands a lot from Mushitaro, something that he does often. Ranpo doesn't think about if he inconveniences others a lot. It isn't something that is a priority in his mind, or it goes over his head that he even is an inconvenience to people. It's another example of his not picking up on social cues.

He overall does not behave or think in a conventional way according to other people, and this is something that excludes him from the adult world in Untold Origins. He says how he isn't taken seriously by adults in the novel as well, something that is, like the rest of his experiences, is pretty common for autistic people for us not to be taken seriously. His friends and family at the Agency never demean Ranpo for any of his traits, though, and this support is extremely important.

2) sensory related issues and behaviors

Throughout the series, in the main manga and in the spinoffs, Ranpo expresses a struggle with bland food. He refuses to eat anything that does not have an intense flavor. Many autistic people will have restrictive eating habits, whether it is because of sensory reasons or otherwise. Some gravitate towards a bland palette because it offers a consistent expectation of an eating experience. Many others, like in what I speculate to be Ranpo's case, instead go for flavorful foods as a means of sensory seeking. I believe this is also a form of stimming for Ranpo, but I will go over that later on. He has some admittedly odd eating habits as well, such as weird pairings like Tecchou, and while it is likely meant to be a joke, it can be related to his other food habits.

Ranpo also seems to struggle with form-fitting clothes. He chooses baggier items for his everyday wear, which includes not wearing his tie or shirt correctly (he tucks it in the sides), and his big shorts. In this specific BSD:TOTL card he can also be interpreted as struggling with formal attire, too, because of his compliance only after being distracted with a sensory input, which in this case is food as per usual with him.

Stimming is essentially repetitive, sensory self soothing behavior. Every person seeks sensory stimuli to calm themself, but it's especially observable in many autistic folks and most commonly associated with neurodivergent people in general. Ranpo seems to be attracted to marbles from his ramune bottle, staring at them and rolling or holding them between his fingers. This could be taken as an example of visual and tactile stimming. Ranpo is almost always pictured eating some type of snack foods, or he opts for flavorful foods in his palette. This relates to his sensory issues, as I pointed out earlier, but it is also another way that many people seek out sensory stimulation, through oral fixations or for the taste. He is also shown with suckers a lot throughout the series, and I take this as Ranpo going for either the smooth texture of suckers or for that ease to have something to stimulate himself on hand. There are moments when Ranpo flaps his hands or arms when excited, or yet another example of possible tactile stimming.

3) comfort objects

Ranpo exhibits a dependency on Fukuzawa's glasses. Comfort objects are something common with autistic people, as the emotional attachment to an item could be related to security or other factors. He gets extremely upset when he is without his glasses, both because he needs them for his “ability”, but they also serve as an important reminder of Fukuzawa himself, who Ranpo values greatly. Ranpo doesn't care that it is a cheap pair of glasses. He values it because of its connection to his father figure. He has a meltdown whenever he is without it, or someone insists he doesn't need his glasses, like in Poe's Murder Mansion, when he gets upset towards Yosano.

4) meltdowns

His strong emotional reactions in moments like this are akin to that of autistic meltdowns, which outwardly appear to be oversized tantrums, but they aren't. Autistic meltdowns are an extreme involuntary physical response to stressors. One of the pivotal moments for Ranpo's character in the Untold Origins novel is his meltdown in the theater, which resulted from his ongoing frustration and isolation from the world around him, and this is a large part of many autistic experiences. This is one scene that personally got to me, as I have very similar feelings towards the world. It is one of the moments that was lost in the anime adaptation, as it shows the culmination of Ranpo's frustration and the moment where he finally breaks down. It does not have the same effect of conveying Ranpo's isolation and struggles. It is one of his biggest character moments, I would say, as it is the final precursor to Fukuzawa fully stepping in to guide Ranpo.

5) "childish nature"

Ranpo is dubbed as childish due to his stubborn behavior, his inability to do seemingly basic things, and his “self centered” attitude which is really his low empathy. He refuses to do anything that does not interest him, or that is outside of his comfort zone. He doesn't conduct his detective work in a traditional manner because it bores him, he negates the idea of having to handle things that don't interest him on his cases. Ranpo has a large lack of independence alongside this, in refusing to learn to do basic tasks, like his inability to navigate himself. He can't do basic tasks such as cooking or laundry either and relies on others to do them. Ranpo struggles to function independently, and relies heavily on others around him for support. His friends and family in the ADA never treat any of his traits as negative, they both indulge him and treat him as a normal person. He is allowed to exist as he is without judgment, at least in the Agency, just as the other members are.

6) aversion to change

Ranpo refuses to go outside of his comfort zone, as I stated before. There is rarely a point in the series where Ranpo goes out of his way to differ from his regular. He is insistent on the fact that he is a gifted detective despite being aware of reality. This is both in part due to his attachment to the idea and his inability to let go of the image he has resulting from his self expectations. He doesn't want anything to change in the way his comrades view him. Of course, this also connects to how he is so attached to the idea because it was the first way he was able to make sense of the world. He lashes out towards Yosano during a meltdown in Poe's Mansion, as mentioned earlier, due to her potentially challenging this idea.

7) restrictive and unconventional interests

While not every autistic person has a narrowed focus of interests, niche or ultimately odd interests are highly associated with autistic people. Ranpo fits into this very well, as evident by how he works. As established before, Ranpo has a tendency to reject anything outside of his scope of interest. He only handles the most gruesome of cases at the Agency or when he is needed specially for a case. His interest falls under an umbrella of the grotesque and weird. He only puts his full brain power on the main thing that matters to him, his detective work. While this is because of his position as the heart of the Agency with his abilities, Ranpo cannot apply himself to the same level on other things outside of this bubble, similar to how a lot of autsitic people have restricted interest expertise, it can take a lot of energy.

I do have more thoughts on this, but this about sums it up. Feel free to comment on it at all :3. This is just my personal thoughts on him, as I relate a lot to Ranpo

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

i feel like the way that logan would finally tell u everything is when he was forced to train with you and he's being all cold towards you and thats when you go on your rant about him being rude and cold towards you, so he just kinds sits on the floor in silence, contemplating whether or not if he should tell you why he doesn't want you to get close.

although you're also a mutant, he doesn't want see you hurt in any type of way

HELLS YEEAAAAAA!!!!

and bc you’re training, you’re kinda wound up and things are bothering you more bc you’re tired and sweaty and you have all this pent up frustration as well with him being a dick

so then while idk maybe hitting a punching bag (idk lol) you say something under breath and then word vomit spews and you’re being kind of mean in how you say it. just ranting about how he’s so unkind to you and how hard you try and that he never seems to care or notice etc

and then he just stops and walks aside. you stop venting bc you realise you might have gone too far (but he kinda needed to hear it) and he doesn’t retaliate and is just quiet. and then you feel awful for what you said, even though it was the truth and you meant it (maybe you wished you’d gone about it nicer??)

you think you’ve fucked it, but really he’s just sitting quietly, debating whether to share or not

[eddieydewr]

I'm not the anon who asked you about Millie but I wanted to add a comment... Millie said something about how she couldn't wait for ST to end because it was preventing her from working on other things and rumor has it people affiliated with the show were upset with her. I don't think this slashed her screen time. I don't think El is a main character the way the fandom makes her out to be. She isn't the focus of the show so I think this was always going to happen. But I think Millie said that because El wasn't the focus and she was forced to realize that by the time S5 came around and was annoyed about it.

I find it interesting that she is getting paid more than anyone else even though she is barely in next season. It makes me wonder if they paid her so that she wouldn't say more dumb shit in interviews when she is promoting the show. I get the impression she likes to be the star and the center of everything and never had a good grasp of what the show was about. Also from the little I have heard about her parents they seem to think she is the greatest actress of all time but she isn't actually better than anyone else in the cast. I think it messed with her head. She didn't make the show what it is. Millie just strikes me as someone who needs to be front and center and sounds kind of hard to get along with tbh. I don't get the impression she gets along with most of the cast either. She let the fans (particularly younger fans) convince her she was the lead when she wasn't and then got annoyed when the story started wrapping up and she wasn't in focus so she said a dumb thing. But I doubt the writers would be petty enough to cut her screen time because of it (she says a lot of questionable things in interviews that make me wonder how well she is following the show. And is also really rude to Finn a lot). Will was always the focus of the story regardless of what Millie does.

bestie. bestie,

i have to agree and disagree lol i get why people would feel that way about millie but idk if you’ve seen my previous asks about millie’s family but i tend to blame her parents. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little girl being confident and while i don’t know how she felt about everything she’s been through growing up, it’s obvious her parents inflated her… idk, i don’t want to say ego because i feel like that’s a weird thing to say about children in general? but it’s possible she thought she was important and the main focus of the show. — otoh, i don’t like how she started to feel small for talking ~too much~ during press bc she spoke the same amount as the boys. it’s giving misogyny. especially when sadie joined the cast and people are like omg why can’t millie be classy and demure like sadie… what 😭 i thought millie had great energy as a kid and while she’s definitely still extroverted like her bestie noah, she seems like she has to be composed… although she’s been coming out of her shell more since getting engaged. i hope that means she has more self agency and isn’t being controlled by her family, but at the same time, they’re always around her even nowadays. THEY LIVE NEXT DOOR. and it seems like millie is stuck with netflix for a while longer. idk much about the electric state but it’s supposed to have potential for a great adaption and to perform well at box office, but it’s being released on netflix?? all because daddy brown says so. fock that grifting loser.

i understand why millie is ready to move on from ST but i don’t think she meant it in a negative way, she’s just ready to grow up. she’s married now so it must be weird to be portraying a character who is 14-17, or however old el is supposed to be in s5. when people gave her shit for saying she doesn’t watch movies, i don’t exactly blame her. she was pretty much forced into the acting industry and yeah, she obviously enjoyed it for a while before reality caught up with her. i believe she’s fond of the show, if her 011 tattoo is anything to go by, but it must be a reminder that she only got famous because her dad is jobless and wanted to get rich quick after all his other schemes and business ventures flopped. he’s also the reason millie gets paid more than the rest of the kids. he’s such a scrub 😭

how is millie rude to finn btw?

thenks for sending this btw, i hope i’m not coming across as harsh or angry lmao idk why because i’m a very different person but i can relate to millie and feel angry on her behalf because her relatives are an absolute shower of cunts and idek if she’s aware of it … but i also get why some people find her off putting. as long as they don’t go too far fjfjsk cos she’s not that awful, surely.

[skyfallscotland]

House of Earth & Blood thoughts, part two/two:

• Bryce's mum is really cute and it's kind of nice to see a story where the heroine isn't a starving orphan, sorry not sorry 🤷‍♀️

• Hunt's mum however 😭😭 that's so sad? And why do I feel like we're going to circle back at some point to that comment about not knowing who his dad is 👀 Is it someone important? It's someone important, isn't it?

• I also find it kind of hilarious that so many people rag on Violet in Fourth Wing, but Hunt Athalar is just as fucking bad. The boy is thirsty af, does he ever think about anything else??

• I also like that Bryce's depression and survivor's guilt is sticking around and not just being used as a plot device, like a lot of books usually do. It's nice. For me, not for her, lol.

• I still don't like Fury. She's still blacklisted. Go run off with E Ithan.

• Hunt’s wings, what the fuck. Honestly, Bryce isn’t doing enough threatening around here, blackmail these fuckers?!

• Ohhh I get it now…I think? Did someone shove that drug down Danika’s throat and she killed the pack? And that’s why she was begging? And why the protections on the apartment couldn’t stop it?

• Oh, Danika shoved the drug down Danika's throat? Well that's...charming. I know people are imperfect but damn this still feels like a Nehemia-Aelin relationship and I'm...not digging it.

• I really want to know more about the Autumn King, which seems like the situation every time there's an autumn king of any kind in an SJM novel, so, you know...par for the course.

• Micah is such a dick. TBH they're all dicks, but still 🙄

• Bryce begging for Hunt's freedom 🥺 I fully expected her to be like "he's my mate!" but IDK do they...not...realise that? Is it because she hasn't made the drop? They do have those in this universe, right? Because now I can't remember.

• I like Ruhn. Is pretty sword going to end up being Bryce's sword though? Because we're talking about it way too much for what's basically a glorified kitchen utensil in his hands.

• Ok so the last like however many pages were while I was out, which honestly? Always seems to happen? So I don't have a ton of live reactions but:

• Did I think Hunt was being a little mouthy about hating the archangels for a man in his position? Yes. Did I think he was actively planning a rebellion? Nope, you got me there.

• Oh and MICAH killing Danika and the pack? It makes a lot more sense, but that doesn't make me feel any warmer about her to be honest, she DEFINITELY learned from the Nehemia school of friendship (called it!) and I hate that for Bryce 😒

• The vacuum cleaner? That's such a trauma response and honestly, Bryce deserves to have that small moment of peace because she's a badass bitch. Nice work honey, you're doing great! 🥹

• Sandriel is just...I don't even care about her? She's meant to be this second big bad and I just never cared, tbh. Good riddance 👋

• Hunt gets blown up and put back together way too much and too easily tbh, which rankles considering Lehabah is apparently actually dead??? What's up with that? Rude.

• "Light it up, Bryce! Light it up!" Ok I might have teared up a little 😭In the grocery store. 😭 The same grocery store I was in when I listened to "you do not yield, you do not yield" on my last big shop. You're right, I can never go back.

• I also wasn't sure Bryce was ever making the drop, I was starting to think that she was going to remain human forever (and I wouldn't have been that mad about it). I'm kind of relieved though that she did and she didn't have to give up all her power? I think? From my understanding. That seems like an SJM special and I was waiting for it, prepared to roll my eyes.

• "I'm not making it ... Because it got too hard. Without you. It is too hard without you." I love Bryce so much. I felt her more than most other characters SJM's ever written. I feel like the way her depression and trauma showed through in little glimpses was something I'd been hoping for out of other characters in her work and never gotten and I'm glad she decided to tackle it properly this time around.

I can also see her getting along really well with Remi, so there, that's my answer now for everyone who kept saying Remi and Aelin would be friends. I can't see that, but I can see Remi and Bryce. And maybe Remi, Bryce, and Nesta being a dangerous trio 😅

[lauratheghost]

My trip to Montreal

& the Sleep Token show

(long post below)

The Trip:

I went with my sister, who did the driving. The drive there was awesome. We left at 5:30 a.m. and there was no traffic at all. The border took five minutes. We laughed at the "warning Canada ahead" sign (that was like five feet in front of the border 😂)

It was like an hour of driving through massive farms before we reached the city? Idk why but I didn't expect the farms.

Driving in Montreal was another story. It was terrifying 😭 I have car anxiety in general but it was so stressful. It made traffic in Boston not seem so bad. The way the lanes were marked was confusing to us, and some of the signs were also confusing. We hit a speed bump going crazy fast because we had no idea what the sign meant and the actual bump on the ground wasn't yellow (now it seems obvious though, ok 🤷🏼‍♀️😂) and the buses drive crazy fast and one cut us off and almost hit us.

Our phones didn't work as soon as we crossed the border. We tried to add a global package to our plans but it still didn't work. This was only a major problem because we needed GPS. If we missed a turn we would have to find a Harvey's or Starbucks or something to get their wifi and reroute. It took us a long time to get to Laval 😂

Once we got to the hotel we parked the car and didn't use it again until we left. But we took taxis and that was cool! I don't think I've ever taken a taxi before and the drivers were really nice.

We loved our hotel and we could see Place Bell from our window. The area was so nice, and very clean for a city. It feels like Laval is an up-and-coming city because of all the construction we saw, and our hotel was also new apparently.

Everything was so cheap? The lattes I bought were like $6 CAD so $4.40 USD. In my hometown, lattes are double that. All the food and snacks were such a good deal. I stopped obsessively checking my bank account after a while because everything seemed so inexpensive 😂 (Also, I'm a cheap person so this is saying something lol)

It was more of a culture shock than I expected. I knew it was going to be a lot of French but I guess I didn't grasp the reality of that until I was there. Thank God I took french in high school. I could not really hold a conversation, but I could read some signs and menus and kind've get the jist of what people were saying to me.

Everyone was so kind and helpful. We asked a lot of strangers questions and they were all very nice. I only had two small experiences with rude people (and I laughed about it)

Crosswalks were also a bit scary lol. It was weird that some cars still go when the crosswalk button goes off. In my area, all directions of traffic stop while people cross.

My hotel was 50 % people with Sleep Token shirts and 50 % hockey players 😂

We LOVE Tim Hortons 😍 Their iced mocha latte was amazing. I wish I had one in my town now.

Three days went by so fast! It felt like one day.

We went to Mount Royal Park, the Cosmodome, the Biosphere, and La Rhonde. I rode the ferris wheel even though I'm scared of heights. I think my heart stopped for a second but the view was beautiful. 😂🥰

Some random things we noticed- nobody really wears jeans or Crocs 🤷🏼‍♀️😂 everyone dresses a bit nicer. And we didn't see any cops besides event security the entire time we were there, which is unheard of in Massachusetts, I see cops drive by twenty times a day everyday probably. There were lilacs everywhere which I loved. So many people biked- it made me want to be more healthy and active. Public transport seemed very available and I'm jealous of that because public transport where I am is trash.

Can you drink in public? Idk, but we saw a guy drinking a twisted tea while casually crossing the road lol.

The Show:

People were lined up starting around 7 pm the night before 👀

At 5:30 a.m. there was maybe ten or fifteen people camped out with tents and everything. I applaud their dedication, but I could never 😭

I kept an eye on the line and once the merch stand opened I went over and bought a shirt beforehand. I got a t-shirt with the tour dates on it 🖤

The line system seemed really unorganized. Nobody knew what line went where. Besides that, getting inside was easy and I liked the venue.

Our seats had a good view, but we were so high up it made me a bit anxious. It was a little hard to see III because of the fog/lights, and Espera was kind've blocked by a light fixture, but I had a great view of IV and II which made me really happy 🥰

ESB's opening set: So, they are not exactly my cup of tea BUT I don't think they deserve the hate they've been getting. My only problem was that the singers scream sounded the same over and over. I wasn't sure if he was saying the same phrase or not, but it made every song sound the same. They did have some good moments though! There was a moment where he screamed lower/more gutteral and I liked that more. There was also a moment where the guitar and instruments sounded really cool but I can't explain it. I was glad to see they had a little mosh pit going too.

Sleep Token was amazing as expected. I'm forever in awe of how good Vessel sounds live. I was so happy I could see II good too, I loved watching his little dances and hand gestures. I saw III do his little swimming motion and he did get a pit! A pretty big one too from what I saw. I didn't expect them to hand out drumsticks and stuff so early, because they didn't play TMBTE or Euclid yet- but they were just doing that fake-out encore thing I guess. 😂

I love the diversity of the fans at their shows- all types of people and all ages and it's so nice to see 🖤 The guy sitting beside me did not look like someone I would expect to listen to Sleep Token, but he was singing every word and recording all the same parts of their songs as me 😂

After the show I got to meet @shatterthefragments !!! It was so great, and they made awesome ST keychains- I will treasure mine forever 🖤

I still haven't really processed any of this yet because after the show I was constantly busy- between packing up and doing the few last things we wanted to do in the city, and then driving five hours back home. There's videos and pictures from this weekend that I haven't even looked at yet. I will definitely post some videos or photos here soon though

Overall, I give this trip a 9/10

I'm so glad I impulsively bought tickets and got my passport renewed. It was so fun and it makes me wanna travel more in the future. 🖤

[celestialprincesse]

Sooo you’re mad at them for not wanting to read it and actively finding a solution for it… they were polite. Idk I just don’t get the rudeness from you or the other anon responding. very sad cuz I love your stuff🙁

Hi! To me personally, that didn't seem too polite. I'm not mad at anyone, however, I put immense amounts of time and energy and love into my blog, and for someone to drop into my inbox, without so much as a hello, and ask me to make more effort so that they don't have to see a very small percentile (like I said in my original response - 3) of my posts.

Additionally, I did actually say that 'politely and for my own peace of mind', and that I genuinely meant my response nicely. The phone also, as I said, works both ways. I went through my blog, made sure that the poly141 posts were tagged accordingly, however, the anon in question does also have the ability to scroll past. That's the great thing about the internet.

I'd like to reiterate that the writers of this fandom don't just exist on Tumblr, we have lives and families and jobs and educations. Writing is something we choose to do during our free time. For free. For others to enjoy.

Seeing as this is turning into an essay, I'll finish off with saying: politeness is free. Treating those who create content for you to enjoy with respect is free. A 'hello' or even just a 'thank you!' is free. I'd really like to put this discussion to rest, because this is my blog, and I don't feel as though I should have to justify my actions or setting my boundaries. I genuinely apologise if this seems in any ways short or snappy or bitchy, but it needed to be said🫶

[deadletterpoets]

The Cass story I meant was Robin: One Year Later. I just notice that ever since that storyline, you and other fans seem to hold every single modern Cass stories to really, really high standards and that any one that doesn't meet those high standards (regardless of their merits) is somehow guilty of continuing the damage Robin: One Year Later caused. I don't mean this in a rude or nasty way but just curious, why can't you and others just let that storyline go?

That's funny cause I've never read that story and basically never talk about it unless other Cass fans who have read it bring it up. And idk I've been blocked by a shit ton of Cass fans so idk what's going on in that fandom anymore if I'm being honest, but I don't hold any modern Cass stuff on that story. I do think it's her worst story, but again I didn't read it first hand just seen some random pages here and there and heard what happens from others so I have nothing to "let go."

My high standards are actually just a standard of general storytelling, not cause of that story. I didn't hate Batgirls and then assume Cloonrad/Chen was guilty of continuing the damage of One Year Later. It was a whole new damage they created for themselves.

But also I enjoy Shadow of the Batgirl, Cass's appearance in Wong's Spirit World, and her appearances in Tamaki's and Ram V's Tec. Thompson is inconsistent for me, but potential is there. Acting like my standard is too high that's it's impossible to satisfy me is ridiculous. It's actually really easy to satisfy me (see the latest Ram V Tec issue, Cass was in a few pages and it was some of the strongest Cass stuff we've gotten in years) which is why it's so hilariously depressing when writers can't meet my standards of quality when writing Cass cause it actually isn't *that* hard.

That's just me though, again many of the big Cass fans on this site have blocked me cause I didn't like Batgirls and was open about that. So idk what I did to make you think I was holding One Year Later over the heads of current writers/Cass stories, but I'm not.

Thanks!

[thatgirl4815]

I truly don't think it's weird at all to not want your current bf there while you talk with your ex about wtf is he doing idk

Also I don't feel like Sand 'dismissed Ray' I watched the scene again and he looks pissed at Boeing, asks Ray if he can get going first and says (angry) 'i need to have a word with my friend', Ray insists and Sand says 'when i am done with him, I will call you' at no point does Sand looks pissed at Ray or dismissive? idk i am not seeing what you are seeing I guess haha but fair if that is what you take from it!

The whole narrative of 'Oh I trust my bf, it's other people I don't trust' is something i don't agree with so I am not gonna respond to that haha

I agree Sand need to set boundaries which imo is the point of this storyline, Sand needs to snap and stop being kind and caring to people who don't deserve it.

I guess the way I find it dismissive is not in the way Sand presents it--because he isn't harsh or rude to Ray in the way he says it--but in the sense that he's telling Ray to go home. I understand saying like, maybe give us a few minutes to talk? But telling him to leave when it seemed like Ray had already planned for them going back together just feels like a weird thing to do with an ex. Plus, Boeing even said they could talk another time. Idk that just rubbed me the wrong way personally.

I also wasn't meaning to insinuate that this general mentality of "I trust my SO but not other people" is appropriate insofar as it allows you to cross boundaries; I unintentionally might've made it sound that way. I moreso meant that I understand why Ray would want to stick around after knowing what Boeing did to Sand in the past (and, in keeping with Ray's character, I wouldn't have expected him to leave tbh, even if he should've). As I said though, I understand Sand's frustration with Ray staying behind when he told him to leave. Ray agreed to it, so he was lying by staying around. I just also understand Ray's reasons for staying back.

The main point is the boundary thing, like you said. Sand needs to set those boundaries ASAP if he wants to keep things in an okay place with Ray.

[chronicbeans]

The Priest

IDK I was bored and decided to make a silly goofy reader insert with an OC for a random story. I think I'll call that random story "Love After Life". Silly goofy.

TW: Funeral Home Setting, Death, Delusional Thinking, Hallucinations, Immortality, Religious Imagery, Priests, Chronic Fatigue, Apathy, and Depression

You have always been intrigued by the strange priest who comes to the funeral home. You actually work as a funeral attendant, so you get the pleasure of meeting him often. He is just the oddest man you have ever seen. Especially in his mannerisms.

He seems to just wander aimlessly, as if he were a lost spirit, with no purpose. He'd visit, possibly to hold a funeral service, then just linger. The mortician who works in the morgue down in the basement of the funeral home often complains of his just... making his way in and complaining about something. She never says what it is the priest complains about, just that he complains about disturbing things.

Your mother, when you mentioned him at dinner one night, seemed to brighten up. She said something along the lines of "He has always been around here. Quite a strange fellow, isn't he? Strange, but kind. He does have a record of saying depressing things, though, so be careful. He might cause your spirits to go down."

You are currently arranging flowers around the casket of the latest funeral. Nobody has actually arrived, and it is sent to be in around a few hours. It is for a lady named Mariella, who passed away in her late forties. She had requested in her will to have her funeral in the local church, so you had to drive here and set everything up. You hear the door open, turning to see the priest. As always, he has arrived exceedingly early.

Dressed in a cassock, with a clerical collar wrapped tightly around his neck, alongside a rosary in his hand, he moves with the silence of a ghost to a pew. He sits down, staring straight ahead. His hair is dark brown, and his skin seems to be an almond color, or something along those lines. Despite this, he looks a bit paler than usual, as well as sickly or fatigued. His eyes also seem pale as they wander around the room, before landing on you. The dark bags beneath them seem to accentuate their paleness, giving them an eerie leer.

Despite this, he seems rather young to be a priest. That isn't to say that there aren't young priests. It is just that in the Catholic Church, which is the branch he preaches for, the clergymen tend to be older. If you had to guess, he seems to be in his mid thirties to early forties at the most. It is a bit hard to tell with the blue mask covering the lower half of his face. Wait...

You open your mouth, saying "Good evening, Father. I hate to sound rude, but are you sick? I umm..." He tilts his head, seemingly shocked that you talked to him. Then, he shakes his head as he says "No... I am fine. Thank you for asking, Mr./Ms./Mrs./Mx. ...?" "(L/N). You can just call me (Y/N)." He slowly nods his head.

Everything grows silent, again. You check your watch, noticing that there is still some time before the funeral is scheduled to begin. Nobody has arrived, yet, either. "Why did you ask if I was sick? Do I... Is it that noticable?" You look over to him. A bit confused by the question, but not exactly shocked. That mask on his face is pretty noticable... "The mask? Yeah, it is-" "No... The smell..." You raise an eyebrow "What smell?" You sniff the air, smelling nothing but the flowers you have arranged for the funeral, alongside the odd smell every old building, like the church, seems to have.

The priest grows quiet, again, before saying "I... forget I said anything..." Then, he mutters something to himself, but it is too muffled by his mask for you to hear. You slowly begin to realize what your mother meant by him being a bit eccentric. He seems to take everything a bit strangely, or too close to heart. Maybe he just has a messed up sense of smell or something? You can understand having an oversensitive nose. Oh, GOD. What if he thinks you think he smells bad or something? Now you gotta apologize...

"Hey, I am sorry if I seemed rude-" "How do you not smell it? God... I smell awful! Nobody seems to notice it..." He presses his hands against his mask, as if to make sure it is secure. The blue material crinkles against his hands, his usually half-lidded, fatigue filled eyes now wide. His dark eyebrows crinkle upward, a look of worry on his face. "I look awful, too..."

You, at this point, are highly concerned for him. All you did was ask if he was sick! Now he is speaking about... an odd smell and looking awful? You have sent him into a spiral! You look back to the arrangement, deciding that it looks okay enough to step back and console him. You are more well-versed in consoling grieving people, but this shouldn't be that different, right? You hope so, at least.

You sit next to him, which causes him to flinch and stare at you. His eyes look so... milky... now that you see them up close. He holds his hands up, signalling for you to move back a bit. You scoot a bit further away as he says "Stay back... don't look at my face. It's disgusting. I smell disgusting. I shouldn't... I shouldn't be here..." You swallow thickly, before saying "You don't look or smell disgusting! You look and smell perfectly fine!" You immediately shut up, thinking to yourself about how awful that reply was.

He seems to think the same way, too, as he looks even more distressed. He clutches his hair in his hands, pulling on it in distress as he cries out "Why does everyone say that?! Why can't they... why don't they notice it! Why doesn't the mortician notice it?" You are immediately intrigued. You look down at your watch. About an hour left. As much as you want to know the juicy details, you gotta calm him down quickly. "Hey... I am clearly not helping. What calms you down, Father? Do you want to vent your frustration to me? What do you do?"

He looks around, before standing and walking over to the casket. He just stares at it, holding his shaking hands up to his mask. His brown hair is frizzy from how he was clutching it in his hands before. You decide to stand, but keep your distance. "What are you doing?"

He looks back at you, stammering "I... I like to be with the others when I am distressed. Is that too much for this old man to ask?" You chuckle, shaking your head "You aren't that old. Also, might I ask what you mean by the others?"

"I'm dead."

You freeze up. You have no idea how to respond to those words. You hesitate, before asking "So... the smell you are speaking of...?" He looks around, having seemingly calmed down a bit. He continues "I've been decaying, yes. Do you... do you want to see it? You seem calm enough to trust. Most say I am crazy when I tell them that I am dead."

You fidget with your fingers, before nodding. He beckons you over, to which you approach him. He takes one last peek around. Your stomach is churning. What will it look like? Maggots? Rotting, necrotic flesh? Will his lips have turned black from rot and fallen off? He begins removing his mask, revealing...

Nothing. He looks perfectly fine. A bit handsome for a priest, actually. His lips are soft looking, his face is either clean shaven, or he just doesn't grow facial hair. Either way, his tan skin looks smooth, if you discount the pale, sickly tone of it. You hesitate, knowing how badly he reacted the last time you mentioned not noticing the strange smell he spoke of, but you simply cannot lie to him. He is a priest, after all, and lying is a sin. Maybe a compliment will lift his spirits or soften the blow?

"I am so sorry... I don't see anything. You look handsome, by the way." You immediately want to slap yourself, realizing what you just said. This man thinks he's dead and decaying, and you just said he looks handsome! That was probably the WORST thing you could've said!

He recoils, his eyes glaring down with a mixture of disgust, horror, and just the tiniest hint of flattery. "Disgusting! How could you say that?! Should i call the police-" "No, no! I meant that I just don't see any decay! You... you look like a normal man. I am sure you have heard that countless times, but it is true. Calm down. I'm not into that sort of thing." He relaxes again, nodding. "I apologize..." "No! No, no worries. I immediately realized what I said was stupid after I said it! Haha!"

Now everything is awkward... oh, (Y/N), why do you have to make everything awkward? He is just standing there, staring blankly ahead. The sounds of footsteps approaching the doors begins, causing him to put his mask back over his face. Without another word, the two of you get in your places.

...

The service goes by without a hitch. You decide, to save yourself the embarrassment, to just go to your car and let the mourners linger. However, much to your dismay, the priest approaches you and begins to talk.

"Hello... Is there anything I could do to make up for my poor reaction to your compliment. I understand that you are aware of why I reacted that way, but it was still unacceptable for me to have such a sudden outburst. You were just trying to be kind to me and comfort me."

You begin fidgeting, before asking "I still don't know your name, Father. I have told you mine, so it would only be fair if I know yours." He nods. "Such an odd request. I have always found you a bit odd... If that is what you want, however, I will oblige. My name is Claire Cotard. If I see you around, I will see if I can get you to accept another form of apology. Just telling you my name doesn't seem fair." "Really, you don't have to-"

Father Cotard leaves before you can finish your sentence. Really, you don't need anything else. It wasn't like he actually ended up calling the cops or anything. It was completely reasonable, too, considering the situation. Plus, now that you know his name, you can ask around about him.

In fact, you can even check the wall! The church, with how old it is, has a lot of history. It was even around during the witch trials in the area. Sure, this place wasn't a Catholic Church back then, but it still has that on the wall dedicated to telling the church's history. On that wall is a list of every priest who has worked here, listed by each individual year. Father Cotard works here, so you can see how long he has been doing so.

You sneak your way to the history wall, looking over to the metal plaques of the clergymen's names. The etching is small, due to how many names are crammed into each one. However, you can make out Father Cotard's name on the years...

No, wait... that must be wrong. He is all the way back on the plaque for the 1600s! That is definitely wrong... He is also on the ones for the 1700s, 1800s, and the 1900s! He is on every plaque! It doesn't even say "Father Claire Cotard II" or "Father Claire Cotard III". Just "Father Claire Cotard". So, unless there happens to be a couple other people with the same name, there is something fishy going on here.

Looking over to the portraits, you are even more confused. There is one of a man who looks EXACTLY like him, painted in 1639, which is labeled as a reverend during the witch trials. There is a photo from 1922, with a man who also looks like him. Then there is a painting of a lady, dressed in clothing straight out of the 1800s, confessing her sins to yet another man who looks like him.

It is all too much to take in. You go home for the day, deciding to ask your family about him. You step through the front door, taking a quick shower. You try to relax, but it isn't really helping. Getting changed into your casual clothes, you head downstairs for dinner. To your luck, your father is already sitting there. Yeah, some say it is weird to be living with your parents as an adult, much less an adult with a career plan... But they can't work, don't have any income, and already spent all their retirement money. You want to make sure they are okay.

He laughs, saying "We ordered takeout tonight, sport! Hope you don't mind!" You weakly nod, before asking "Hey... do you know anything about Father Cotard? I saw him at work today, and got to talk to him. He seems mysterious." Your father shifts in his seat, thinking to himself, before smirking coyly and teasing "You better not be getting a crush on him, sport! He's a clergyman, and a Catholic one, at that!"

You groan in frustration "Dad, I am being serious! Also, that's gross... I barely even know him!" He laughs heartily "I know! I know! I just couldn't help but tease you, sweetie. You never ask about men, women, other people in general. Let me wrack my brain for a moment." He looks down at his hands, which he has neatly placed on the kitchen table.

After a brief moment, he says "I can't think of anything. You know what I do wanna know, though? Whatever the hell he is using to look so young. He's been working as a priest ever since I was a kid, yet he looks not a day over 45. Meanwhile, my old self has got a bald head, with the only remaining dregs of hair left being grey and thin!" He then laughs, again, seemingly joyous. "That's another reason why you shouldn't be crushing on him! He's older than your papa!" "DAD I SWEAR TO GOD-!"

"Dinner's here! What is it you two are talking about?" Your mother sits down, placing a box of pizza on the table. "Well, honey, our little (Y/N) here was asking about Father Cotard!" "And dad keeps making jokes about me having a crush on him. Which I DON'T. I don't even know him that well! I just spoke to him for the first time today."

Your mother giggles "You two, always bickering. Well, let me see... All I really know is that he often wears a face mask, goes to your funeral home often, and... well, he never really seems to age. He also seems to suffer from chronic fatigue. I have actually seen him using a wheelchair, sometimes. When I asked, he simply said he was too exhausted to stand and that his medication wasn't refilled. Apparently, it was due to "inaccurate data" on his medical record? Either way, his pharmacy and insurance said no to the prescription."

Your dad looks over to her "You actually TALKED to the creep? He walks around like a zombie, and you actually APPROACHED HIM? Wow... Look, I know he has that chronic fatigue, which might contribute to his demeanor. I won't fault him for that... but you can be fatigued and have some life in your eyes, right? Like... a spark of joy. You can even be depressed and have those small sparks of life and joy and just... Anything other than that empty look he has."

You stay silent, looking over to your mom. She sighs, nodding "I know, dear. I just think he has problems. Problems being depression. Not just a small little bout of it. Maybe something like melancholic depression. That type hits pretty hard. You feel fatigued, can't enjoy activities... You have troubles sleeping and feel hopeless. I worry for him... If that is true, he may be close to thinking about..." "Dear, don't think about it too hard. I am sure he will be fine." Your mother grows quiet.

At this point, the air is heavy. You have already finished your pizza. You silently get up and get ready for bed. You toss and turn, hoping for sleep, but what your mother said is worrying you. You didn't have the guts to tell either of them about what he said... How delusional he seems to be. The possible hallucinations he is having. What sort of man believes he is dead? Strangest is how he doesn't seem to age... What if that really was him in those pictures?

You want to find out. You need to find out.

[vesemirsexual]

here’s my au pitch

deidre is on her way to kaer morhen to give eskel the worst surprise ever, and on her way meets our fave caravan

she’s first alerted to something wrong in the particular forest she’s travelling in when her two wolves suddenly become alert and growling. she then hears a “what the fuck?” and two pairs of bright eyes step out of the darkness - dragonfly and gaetan. they’re basically like “damn we could smell human and wolf, so we were like okay if they’re dead we can rob them, and if they’re alive we can save them and THEN demand their stuff. did not expect a weird little girl talking to some mangy wolves. weird. just gonna head out.”

so they’re trying to leave and she’s scrambling (but trying to look cool and put together) after them like WAIT you’re Witchers. and they’re leaving like no thank you you seem way too poor to hire us (still listening though because weirder things have happened). so this girl starts demanding to meet eskel of the wolves and they’re just exchanging glances and dragonfly is finally like fuck it, this is a guxart problem.

so they bring her back to the caravan and guxart is immediately like no. no no no. what part of no more feral children did you people not understand. and gaetan just points and goes idk man this kid is looking for wolves. and guxart is like okay, pause. why.

so deidre, who frankly is a royal through and through, puffs up and declares that she’s eskels child surprise and she has to go find him and he’s going to help her get her throne back.

so naturally all the other cats have been pretending to work since this all began (nosey bastards) and now everyone is someone on a scale of snickering to full blown cracking up. guxart just raises a brow and is like. uh huh. good luck with that sweetie.

deidre is pissed bc she hates not being taken seriously. this becomes a back and forth until guxart is finally like okay im not taking responsibility for a wolves child surprise dropping dead, so at the next available sign of settlement we are dropping this child off (privately he’s wondering how the fuck wolves manage to pull people into their drama orbit even when they’re all tucked up in the damn mountains).

since dragonfly and gaetan did this, guxart (he refuses to admit gleefully) assigns deidre as their problem until she’s gone.

the next week or so, they learn more about this weird weird girl. they find out she’s supposedly cursed, supposedly a mutant and also super super rude. they’ve got her pulling her weight, and every time one of them makes a snide comment about how the fuck she expects to take back an entire kingdom when she can barely cut some wood or skin a rabbit has her gritting her teeth.

eventually she ends up snapping at telling one of them to fuck right off. which finally gets some approval. deidre is a little surprised to find that the more blunt and open she is about how she’s feeling, the more helpful these assholes actually are. dragonfly managed to scope out some old trainee gear for her and gaetan actually threw her some (safe) poultice for her calluses and bruises.

thus begins the beautiful and slightly terrifying friendship/mentorship, with deidre being told (as usual) that her dreams of being queen are slightly stupid, and (not the usual) having it laid out WHY that’s a bad idea.

“pick your own path kid,” dragonfly tells her and throws her a new knife. “besides how are you meant to flirt with beautiful women if you’re stuck as a boring queen.”

deidre turns and gives her a guarded yet confused look. “you’re a woman…what do you mean flirt with women??” (dragonfly has kicked open a whole ass can of worms. dragonfly is now responsible for helping this repressed ass girl learn everything from SCRATCH. gaetan laughs his ass off until it’s his turn too.)