#and all the scenes of the intro have been taken from the season

[room-surprise]

Dungeon Meshi Anime Review, Season 2, Episode 19 review

Izutsumi arrives! And Marcille has a nightmare.

This is an interesting episode but I know my spouse and I had desperately hoped that they would re-organize things somehow. Marcille's plot in this feels painfully tacked on and unrelated to Izutsumi's introduction, and the concept of the nightmare is so good, it could have easily been expanded to be an entire episode on its own. I wish they'd done that. They could have paired Izu's intro with the ice golem story to have one all-Izutsumi episode and then one all-Marcille episode... alas.

Those are changes I would have LIKED to see, but here's some changes I didn't like:

(MAJOR MANGA AND ANIME SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!!!)

Trigger removed Laios' mother's only speaking line in the manga. It would have taken SO LITTLE to have someone read this single sentence, and removing it, in my opinion, has a negative impact on the story as a whole.

It SOUNDS like a generic thing when she asks Laios "When will you give us grandchildren?" But this is actually really important. Laios is afraid of being forced to make a family and participate in society. This is unusual because he's a man, most men in a historic time period of this don't really care about such things, but Laios is so afraid of it, it's a recurring nightmare!

This is also why he acted so weird seeing a loving father/baby scene in the magic paintings chapter. He hated seeing a father talk about how much they love their baby.

Laios is named after a story about murdering your children before they can hurt you. Like an Oedipus Complex supposedly means that a son wants to have sex with his mother, a Laios Complex means a man wants to kill his sons. Kui did not pick this name and then have Laios repeatedly be uncomfortable with children, marriage and fatherhood for no reason.

Obviously Trigger didn't make any of these connections and so they didn't think it was necessary for Laios' mom to speak this line out loud, but I vehemently disagree.

This is similar to my beef with them removing Yarn Floke's only dialog in the story and removing her from the scene with the Island Governor. That moment told us that Mr. and Mrs. Floke were equal partners, and now anime watchers assume she's just his wife who doesn't do anything. That sucks.

The addition of paintings of Marcille's father in the nightmare. Woof. I really don't care for this, if they wanted to do it i would have preferred it if they'd obscured the paintings somehow so it wasn't obvious that Marcille's father wasn't an elf.

I think this makes the later reveal of her half-elf status WAY less surprising.

Also, in the manga, the complete silence around her father created a strong subtext that Marcille's mother was her only parent that mattered. They could still accomplish this but I think it won't be as shocking.

People reading the manga probably thought "her dad was an elf and he died young and that traumatized her" (this is what Laios assumes I'm sure)

People watching the anime will think "her dad was a tall-man and his natural death of old age is what traumatized her" which is true, but they aren't supposed to actually know that yet...

Overall the episode was good aside from these issues. I liked that the nightmare sequence was in black and white, and the transition to color at the end was spectacular and very impactful... But part of me wishes they had done something else to differentiate the nightmare state from the normal animation. The black and white was good, but almost too subtle because the DM palette is already so desaturated.

[plumbobtv]

The Real Simwives - Season 7

The ladies of Plumobs are back for another season and it’s about to be more dramatic then ever before...

[i-hate-accidents]

i hate accidents: the beginning

femme!reader x benedict bridgerton, femme!reader & the bridgerton family, femme!reader & penelope featherington

summary:  the adventures of a working class femme who befriends a fellow writer, a boisterous family, and a bewitching second eldest son

sections:  I. the beginning / II. the between / III. the ball

y/n:  bipoc, she/her, afab, nonbinary femme, queer, working class, of immigrant parents

content warnings:  classism, mentions of financial survival, microaggressive sexism, microaggressive gender assumption, positive/supportive families, allusions to alcohol abuse in [I.viii]

word count:  13.9k (of 38.8k)

story context:  everything in s1 and s2 of the tv series is canon for this story except for the s2 epilogue with the bridgertons.  this story takes place leading up to and into the 1815 season. 

additional notes:  this story is incomplete. scenes that are not written are described in chevrons <> with third person pov or are delineated by isolated ellipses. additionally, the author has only watched s2!  she has not watched any of s1 aside from clips, and they have not read the books aside from quotes used in edits.  they have not yet watched queen charlotte.  the author kinda knows the gist of an offer from a gentleman; they are familiar with sophie beckett (and are excited to meet her/them in the tv series!).

author’s note:  this is the first time the author has written fanfic in 13-15 years.  :)  it is her hope that they have made some progress since her pre/teens.  additionally, this fanfic has been written, on and off, over the course of two years.  the author sincerely hopes you find some sort of joy in it, especially the readers who maybe hope to see themself a little more specifically in the world we so love.

reading tip: whilst the author is proud of it, she understands the intro to the first section is long. if you wish to get more straight to y/n and benedict's story, the author suggests jumping to [I.ii]. they won't be offended that you did heh.

𝄆 ⚘ ✸ I.i ✸ ⚘ 𝄇

you do not know how you got here.

well, that is not true; you quite literally walked from the markets and followed the directions that penelope had given you, but you did not think those directions would lead you here.

this is a mistake.  i must have taken a wrong turn, gone up instead of down, made a left when i should’ve taken a right. 

or perhaps this is a dream?  yes!  that has to be it!  a dream!  i must have lulled off and dreamt myself here, for whatever reason.  once i close my eyes and open them again, surely i will be at home, or the markets, or the workshop even.  surely!  

so, you close your eyes shut.

you had been walking about the markets on your non-work day, some weeks ago, browsing the wares you wouldn’t (and couldn’t) buy, eavesdropping on any conversation of intrigue, observing the bustle of the crowd going about their day, mindlessly thinking of the next thing to write, daydreaming—when you had collided with someone.  they had let out a squeak, their materials flying out of their hands, as you had fallen on your back, thankfully not hitting your head.  in your periphery, you had seen how the person had crawled to your side and looked at you with urgency and concern.

“i am so sorry!”  their voice was pretty.  sweet and lovely.  you lifted yourself up a bit to see the person you had collided with.  they were also pretty— beautiful, red-haired, and hooded in blue.  

their eyes widened.

“er, i meant,” they spoke again, but this time with an— irish accent?  their voice was still sweet and lovely but very distinctly irish and distinctly different from their voice mere moments before. “are you hurt?”

“i am all right, thank you.”

“very well,” they said, still in their irish accent, “then i must be going—”  and they shot themself up and turned, you assumed, to run away.

“wait!  you’re a writer, yes?”

as you had hoped, the person in blue froze.  they slowly turned to you again, apprehension and intrigue in their eyes.

“how do you know?”  their voice was mangled between their two accents.

“unless you pluck birds for fun,” you stated as you collected the scattered materials they had dropped in the collision, “these are quills.”

you stood up, approached them, and held out their quills to take, offering a smile.  the stranger took the quills and put them in their bag.  they returned their eyes to you and returned your smile.

“thank you,” they responded in their english accent.

“i know how precious those are, so i am very glad to see they won’t go to waste.  well, they wouldn’t have gone to waste either way; i would’ve taken them if you hadn’t turned around.”

that caused the person in blue to laugh.

“i assume you are a writer?” they inquired.

you don’t know what had overcome you; you don’t know why you had been so trusting of this stranger, especially with something such as your writing, but you had been. you reached for your then most recent, folded up quarto, kept between your bosom and your blouse, and offered it to the stranger to read.  they took it, shifted their eyes from line to line, turned it to read the crossed lines, and then looked up at you, beaming.

“this is brilliant!— oh, forgive me; i did not even ask for your name.”

“y/n,” you extended your hand.  “and you?”

the stranger seemed to stiffen but quickly relaxed themself, taking your hand in theirs and shaking them.  they beamed still, but something of their smile had grown quietly mischievous.

“can you keep a secret?”

when you open your eyes, you huff out a breath in a poor attempt to assuage yourself from the reality of your situation:  you are not dreaming.  here you are—you—at grosvenor square.  

you knew of your friend’s circumstances as she had shared it:  she is a noble lady, a third sister of the featherington family, who has been writing scandal sheets of high society’s romps and happenings since her ‘debut,’ as she had put it (you hadn’t understood how she had used that word and became further confused upon her explanation of it), under a pseudonym called lady whistledown.  penelope has been kind enough to let you read her sheets, and you find it ridiculous what these high society persons do for their lives and utterly brilliant with what wit, snark, and compassion even penelope commentates on that world.  

but you did not ever, ever think that she would bring you to it, let alone into it.  when penelope had said that you were to meet her most beloved friend, you had thought it would be in an obscure alley or a room hidden behind a bookcase in an unassuming shop—not the literal neighborhood in which she, and presumably her friend, lives!  by your posture, by your clothes, by your very existence, it is blatant how much you do not belong here.

i should run.  i am going to run.

and so you turn and start—

“y/n!”

—when you hear the sweet voice of your friend.  you scrunch your eyes closed, inhaling and exhaling through your nose, and turn around and see penelope in a picturesque green dress, lifting up her skirt with gloved hands, scurrying down the pavement of her neighborhood towards you, beaming.  despite the anxiety that rages within you at this very moment, your heart swells upon seeing your friend in such enthusiastic spirits, and you smile despite yourself.

“good day, pen.”

she takes hold of your bare hands in her gloved ones and gives them a squeeze.  perhaps she can discern your nerves because you start to feel yourself calm ever so slightly by her gesture.

“i am so glad you are here,” she says.

“i am—— glad to see you,” you then lower your voice.  you do not know why; it is not as if your lowered voice will help conceal your existence in this place.  “are you certain i am permitted to be here?”

letting go of your hands, penelope swats at the question.

“the bridgertons and i care not about such things.”

“the— bridgertons?” 

“yes!” she turns and gestures to the grand brick house with wisterias.  “it is at their home, after all, in which we will be spending our time together.”

your jaw drops.

“we are staying inside the house?  not simply meeting outside the house?”

this is not a dream.  this is a nightmare.

penelope returns her eyes to yours, and it startles you with what tenderness she gazes at you.

“i understand that you are fearful, y/n.  i had presumed you would not have come if you had known we would be here.  but i would not have led you to bridgerton house if i did not think you would be safe here.  the bridgertons are the most inviting, kindly family of the ton— of high society,” she amends upon seeing your confusion at the word ‘ton.’  their name for their world, it seems.  “eloise has assured me that we shall be in her bedchamber for the entirety of our time together.  and if you wish to leave, for any reason, at any point, i shall accompany you, and we shall leave together.”

with closed eyes you heave a sigh through your nose.  you flutter your eyes open and offer penelope a weak, but sincere, smile.

“very well.”

penelope squeaks in excitement, taking hold of your hand once more, giving it another squeeze of encouragement, and leads you towards this bridgerton house as she so called it.  she raps at the stately door thrice with great eagerness, seeming to knock in perfect tandem with your beating-too-quickly heart.

an elderly man opens the door, about to greet penelope and her guest, when a young femme shoves herself through the opening.

“thank you, giles!” she calls out as if the man is across the road and then looks at you, ferocity in her eyes.  it ought to unnerve you, the whirlwind force of this stranger, but it doesn’t.  you just return her gaze with a large, albeit a bit bemused, smile.

“penelope has shared so much about you,” the stranger states and takes hold of your hand.  “let us get inside!” and yanks you into the house.  she turns, looking straight ahead, and barrels forward, pulling you with her.

as the fiery femme seems to soliloquize excitedly to herself, you look back at penelope who merely wears an amused smile at her friend’s antics as she follows behind.

“oh!” the femme exclaims suddenly.  she halts you both and sharply turns to you, still gripping your hand, grinning.  “my name is eloise.  eloise bridgerton.”

“y/n y/l/n.”

“excellent.  now!  with introductions all sorted—”

and she turns and barrels you both right, rather than heading straight ahead to the grand staircase as you had presumed she would.

“eloise—” eloise’s fervency had provided a reprieve to your anxiety, but the confusion in penelope’s voice puts you back ill at ease, “where are you—”

“it’ll take just a moment, worry not, pen!”

eloise leads you down a hall, noises and voices of all sorts coming from an entrance to a room, growing louder and louder as you approach until they reach the peaks of their volume as eloise halts you both once more, to your mortification, at the entrance of that very room.

“family, penelope, y/n, and i shall be in my bedchamber.  we have much to discuss.  please do not bother us,” eloise proudly announces to the entirety of the room.

silence falls.  all eyes—and there are many eyes—are on you.

oh, my god.

you turn to penelope.  her overall manner is calm and composed, but you can see the disquiet in her eyes.  she peers into you, the apologetic look conveying, i did not know this would happen.

you turn back to the family.  

a lady.  a lady of older age.  two gentlemen with a difference in age.  a boy.  a girl, the youngest amongst them.  

how is it with a house this massive in the middle of the city that the entire family is present in this one room?  well, the room is the size of the two floors of your home combined, if not larger, so in that sense it is sound—but your question still stands.

this has to be the entire family.  surely.  there are so many of them.  this has to be the entire family.  yes?

“no talking, no music playing, no fighting?” inquires a droll voice walking into the room, “has someone—” 

you turn your head to follow the source of the voice and make contact with dumbfounded ocean eyes.   

butterflies flutter in your stomach.

oh.

shit.

“y/n, this is my second eldest brother, benedict bridgerton,” eloise states.  “benedict, this is my friend, y/n y/l/n.  do not bother us once we are in my bedchamber.”

he stares and blinks at you but then assumes a gentlemanly posture and bows his head.

“it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, miss y/l/n.”

without any forethought you start to extend a hand to benedict until you hear penelope give a slight cough only you, she, eloise, and he can hear.  receiving the hint, you retract your hand and pretend to swat at your skirt.

“err— yes.  likewise.” 

another cough. 

“mis, ter?— brid… ger?—ton,” you articulate with complete and utter uncertainty of how this world’s introductions function.

he cocks his head and furrows his eyebrows at you, something like amusement playing at his features.  he wears a lopsided smile that he is barely attempting to conceal.  his expression should be infuriating.  and it is.  but, it is... charming, too.  and welcomed.

you have never felt more embarrassed or more pleased in your life.

shit.

“before the three of you retreat to eloise’s bedchamber,” declares an authoritative voice, breaking your reverie.  you turn away from ocean eyes and see the lady of the room approaching you.  much to your surprise, she smiles.  to an even greater surprise, her smile seems sincere.  “i must insist that i introduce myself and the rest of the family to our guest.  

“i am viscountess kathani sharma bridgerton, the lady of this house,” she curtsies with perfect elegance.  “it is a delight to welcome you to our home, miss y/l/n.”

“thank you for having me— lady bridgerton.  and you may call me ‘y/n.’  you need not use such, uh, formalities with me.”

“very well; then you may call me ‘kate.’”

you furrow your eyebrows.  she had introduced herself as ‘kathani’ but now asks you to call her ‘kate.’  it makes you think of mama and papa; they shared with you once how they had chosen to go by different names upon emigrating to england.  when you had asked why, they simply replied that it would be easier for others in this country to address them.  

“may i call you ‘kathani’ instead?”

surprise flashes over the dignified demeanor of the viscountess.  she regards you with softness in her eyes.

“yes.  yes, you may.”

resuming her full composure, kathani guides you to the eldest of the gentlemen and introduces him as her husband, viscount anthony bridgerton, the lord of the house.  he offers you a small smile with a bow of his head and greets you ‘good day.’  you try not to wince at his decorous use of ‘miss’ with your first name, but you suppose it is merely in these people’s natures.  

kathani continues and leads you to the lady of older age, introducing her as dowager viscountess violet bridgerton.  she dips into a lovely curtsy and, on her rise, gazes upon you with a gentle smile.  you feel compelled to respond in kind, but it would certainly not be as graceful as hers, and worse, she may interpret your slovenly attempt as a lark.  so, you refrain.  

the viscountess next introduces you to mister colin bridgerton (you summon all your self-restraint to keep your countenance neutral—this is the boy who hurt penelope); then to mister gregory bridgerton (he bows so ceremoniously towards you, you cannot help but be endeared by his resolve); and lastly to miss hyacinth bridgerton.

“why are you dressed like that?” she inquires.

“hyacinth!” the dowager viscountess reprimands.  she must be her mother.  she sounds like a mother.  it reminds you of how your mama reprimanded you and your siblings as little ones; the memory and the exchange make you hold back a laugh.

“what!  what did i say wrong?���

you ought to feel self-conscious, your lower standing brought into further display to everyone in the room, but you detect neither malice nor judgment in the young girl’s voice.  just genuine curiosity.  so, you smile.

“my family and i have different means to clothes, amongst other things.  i wear these when i work or go about my day.  though,” you regard your attire and then— hyacinth?, feeling the glimmer in your eye, “it makes for running around and playing make-believe quite easy.”

“make-believe!  gregory, do you hear that!  miss!— miss—“ she turns to you with a cocked head.  

“y/n.”

her eyes shine once again.

“miss y/n plays make-believe!  we must play!” hyacinth latches onto your hand and, with remarkable strength for a child who cannot be older than two and ten, pulls and drags you towards the entrance of the room.  “come along, gregory!  wouldn’t want to be the last one there!”

“no fair!  you cheated!” the second youngest shouts back, dropping all previous ceremonies, and scrambles towards the entrance.

“hyacinth!  y/n is not your playmate!  she is here with me and penelope!”

“plans do change, dear sister,” hyacinth retorts.  eloise’s jaw drops, and the rest of the family bursts into laughter.  the entire exchange warms your heart.  in so many ways, they are so proper, so wealthy, and yet they are not all so different from your own family.  they seem to really care for one another.

“when did you get so smug!” eloise shoots back.

“small wonder where she could’ve learned that from,” you hear colin, the traitor, murmur.  turning your head, you see him give amused, pointed looks to eloise and kathani.  the latter grins wickedly, and her husband beams at her with pride. 

“there are only so many hours in a day!” hyacinth complains.  you face her once more, still holding her hand.

“what about this?  i will play with you and your brother for an hour, and then i will be with your sister and penelope for my remaining time here.  i want to honor the wishes of each of my new friends.”

hyacinth considers this with much theatricality to her expression.  she then grins.

“that is an excellent plan,” she remarks, looking to eloise for her thoughts.  you follow her line of sight.  eloise rolls her eyes and sighs, but a smile rests on her lips.

“very well, then.”

feeling peace restored, you smile in return and, in doing so, in your periphery, catch the ocean eyes of the second eldest brother.  benedict.  he is looking at you.  why is that?  you feel your cheeks flush and the tips of your ears heat.  his gaze is somehow gentle and intense and indecipherable all at once, and the flutterings in the pit of your stomach grow, and intensify, and start to overwhelm you—

when you are tugged back to reality with a tug forward.

–

< hyacinth leads y/n through the house to the gardens with gregory by her side.  y/n is both uneasy and in awe of the things she sees.  eventually, they arrive in the gardens.  y/n notices two swings hanging off of a large branch of an old tree and is utterly endeared by the sight; it confirms what she has been thinking:  though the bridgertons are wealthy, they are warm and welcoming.

< just as hyacinth declares that she has found a suitable spot for make-believe, two male voices ask if they may join.  hyacinth, gregory, and y/n turn and see benedict and colin approaching.  colin shares that though y/n seems lovely, it would be unwise of the family to leave the two youngest with a stranger; though y/n agrees with his family’s caution, she refrains from wanting to strangle the person who hurt her friend.

< gregory whines and asks if they can begin before eloise complains.  hyacinth agrees and says that they need to assign characters.  y/n suggests that hyacinth should be a sorceress and gregory should be a knight; these proposals delight the youngest bridgertons.  y/n volunteers herself as the villain and decides to be a banshee; she turns to the elder bridgertons and asks what they wish to be. 

< before they have a chance to respond, hyacinth proposes that benedict should be the princess who has been captured.  benedict indignantly asks why, and hyacinth simply states because he is the most sensitive of the family.  sensing how the sibling argument is about to evolve, y/n intervenes and suggests that, like a sensitive princess, perhaps benedict is merely in tuned with his emotions, even amidst adversity; it is, in its own way, a compliment.  benedict’s eyes become indecipherable upon the comment, but he wears a small sincere smile.  gregory then proposes that colin is y/n’s changeling henchman. 

< make-believe ensues, and it is very sweet and very silly.  eventually, gregory is called in for latin tutoring and thanks y/n for the fun with a deep bow; hyacinth is called in for pianoforte lessons. >

hyacinth launches herself at you with a hug.  pulling back from the embrace, she beams.

“we must continue when you return next!”

before you can even start to reply, she turns and skips off towards the house.  you hear how gregory makes a comment about coming in first, and suddenly the youngest bridgertons are in a race against one another, shouting taunts and insults.  you can’t help but smile.

“they seem to quite like you.”

your smile falls.  you turn and face towards the two elder bridgertons, the traitor being the one to have spoken.

“colin bridgerton,” you begin, “yes?”

he smiles and nods.  you surge forward and shove your finger into his face, his smile now wiped.

“if you ever hurt penelope again, i shall make certain that it is the last time you ever do.  do i make myself clear?”

when he does not respond, you repeat yourself, and he slowly then quickly nods.  satisfied, you turn towards ocean eyes and point your finger at him.

“and you look after him.” 

“what did i do?”   

“be a proper elder brother and serve as an example for your misguided sibling.  understood?”  

“i— yes.  of course.  understood.” 

you smile again.

“wonderful.  i am glad we three are in agreement.  it was good speaking with you, gentlemen.  good day.” 

you turn away and start to walk towards the house.

“i quite like her too,”  and you hear the restored smile in the third bridgerton’s voice.  “what about you, brother?”

you hasten your steps towards the house.  though mere moments before you had felt emboldened and brave, you fear hearing benedict’s response.  you do not why.

–

< eloise, penelope, and y/n extensively discuss literature and writing; upon talking about women writers, y/n shares how she does not fully see herself as just a woman. >

“so, what are you?”

you wince.  you have kept good on your promise and joined eloise and penelope in the former’s bedchamber, but you are swiftly wishing you had been able to stay with hyacinth, gregory, colin even, and benedict.  you had attempted to explain an aspect of yourself to eloise but not to very much fruit, it seems.  you want to hide and escape and run from this place—

“eloise.”

—when penelope comes to your defense.  

“what?  what is it?”

“perhaps you could have phrased your question with more tact and thoughtfulness.”

eloise looks between the two of you, concern flooding her eyes.

“did i— did i not?”

penelope turns to you.

“are you comfortable to answer?”

“i would prefer that i didn’t.”

you hope that your eyes are sufficient enough to convey the immensity of gratitude that you feel towards penelope in this very moment.

“y/n,” begins eloise, “i did not realize—”

“and what are you three gossiping about?”

you jump, penelope squeaks, and eloise growls a noise of exasperation.  turning towards the voice in the doorway, you are visited, once again, by the third and second bridgerton siblings.

“and what makes you think we are gossiping?” demands eloise, “because we are w— people?”

you feel the corners of your mouth tug upward.  at least she is trying.  wanting to keep the attention on benedict and colin rather than yourself, however, and with genuine curiosity, you cock your head at the two gentlemen.

“do you two always come in a pair?”

“not always,” replies benedict.  and he smiles at you, “today is merely a special occasion.”

stupid butterflies.

“speaking of such,” colin proceeds.  “kate has requested that the three of you join the family in the drawing room.”

< the five of them make their way to the drawing room.  kate shares that, on behalf of the family, she would like to invite both y/n and penelope to dinner.  though at first honored to have been invited, upon hearing “dinner,” y/n realizes how late it has become and looks out the window:  the sun is halfway set.  she apologizes and says that she cannot stay because she resumes work the next day.  her latter statement renders some of the people in the room confused, but kathani states how she understands and that y/n is welcomed to join dinner whenever she visits.  

< seeing how confused y/n is, anthony shares that y/n is welcomed to visit their home whenever she is able and whenever she would like, and the rest of the family pipes in with how delighted they would be if she does.  not knowing how she deserved such kindness from people who were mere strangers at the start of the day, y/n thanks the bridgertons and says that she would love to.  penelope chooses to stay for dinner and says that she will see y/n next week.  y/n affirms that she, and the bridgertons, will.

< kathani and benedict offer to escort y/n to the entrance.  y/n walks down the steps and passes the gate but, before she goes, takes one last look at number five until next week and sees benedict still in the doorway.  y/n notices, but reprimands herself for perhaps imagining it, that his smile grows when his eyes lock with hers.  with flutterings in her stomach, y/n offers a wave.  he gives a small wave back.  she turns and goes, smiling all the way home. >

𝄆 ⚘ ✸ I.ii ✸ ⚘ 𝄇

“benedict has been making more appearances as of late,” penelope remarks.

the three of you all look up—you and pen from your writing, eloise from her reading—to see benedict entering through the doors and heading towards the other side of the drawing room.  he looks over at you— at you all and offers a smile before he plops himself down onto a chaise and begins to draw.

“yes, it is strange,” eloise considers to the two of you.  “for so long he had been moping about, locked away in his bedchamber aside from mealtime or the occasional visit to the drawing room.  he’s even picked up his charcoal again.”

“again?” you inquire, averting your gaze from the artist to your friend.  “had he stopped prior?”

“he had entirely put it down after—” eloise sighs.  whatever memory she has recounted, it does not seem to be a pleasant one.  you look to penelope; you sense that she shares a similar sentiment by the sad look in her eyes.  you are curious but you choose not to press.  

“it has been quite some time since he’s last drawn.  but now, whenever i see him, whether in his bedchamber or the billiards room or some other room in the house, he’s drawing.  he frequently arrives to mealtime with charcoal stained fingers—much to the chagrin of mama and anthony.”

you all laugh.  benedict looks up at you three, and from here you can tell he wears a curious expression, no doubt wondering what you are laughing about.  when he exaggeratedly arches an eyebrow, eloise just makes a face at him.  benedict rolls his eyes, smiling, and for the briefest moment, you feel as though he is looking at you.  but you’ve always had an active imagination.  when you blink, he has returned to his drawing, a smile still on his lips.

“i wonder what has changed?” eloise softly says, still looking at benedict.  for all her fire and spirit, you see how deeply she cares for her second eldest brother.

“perhaps he has found a muse,” penelope poses rather than queries.  you shift your gaze from eloise to penelope, and you’re curious about her expression.  she seems... delighted?  benedict finding his passion for art again does sound delightful; you know firsthand how difficult it is to pick yourself up from a slump.  but that’s not what she seems delighted by.  she just looks at you.  with a soft smile.  why?  what does benedict have anything to do with you?

you feel your cheeks and the tips of your ears flood with warmth.  you don’t know why, but penelope’s expression unnerves you, in a pleasant sensational way.

you clear your throat.

“i am happy for him,” you say, returning to your quill and folded quarto, haphazardly writing down whatever words come to your mind.  

ocean.  charcoal.  smile.  flutters.

shit.

it is not until what feels like an uncharacteristically long moment later that you hear penelope resume her writing and eloise resume her reading.  you try not to imagine what they could have silently exchanged with your gaze averted.

𝄆 ⚘ ✸ I.iii ✸ ⚘ 𝄇

you suck in a sharp breath and shoot out of your seat.

“you do not!” you shriek, hastening towards kathani, eloise, and the stack of books they have just settled onto the table.  you had arrived early to the bridgertons’ home, at the invitation of kathani, so early that the rest of the family seems not yet to be awake.  

(which is strange, you find, as it is nearing 8 o’clock.  most mornings, at this time, you are already well into the bustle of work.)  

kathani had prefaced, rather enigmatically, that she and eloise had a surprise they wished to share with you.  you had your suspicions as to what it could be related to, and with each passing moment, you are suspecting, very excitingly!, that you are very correct. 

“indeed, we do,” kathani grins and gestures to the stacks.  

taking no hesitation to the offer, you grab from the top of a stack and open to the title page.

the dramatic works of william shakespeare.  vol. 2:  a midsummer night’s dream / the merry wives of windsor / much ado about nothing.

you shriek again, this time accompanied with hops of excitement, flipping to the final third of the book.

“much ado!  this is the one i’ve read!” 

dorothea, a fruit seller, had offered a copy of it to you (at a lowered price, she had emphasized) when she had learned of your liking to stories.  she grandly stated that she had started to write down the dialogue during low-attendance performances at the theater and then brought her handiwork to be typed and printed at a not-to-be-named press.  but if the pages’ handwritten annotations alluded to anything, you suspected that she had managed to purloin a performer’s copy of the script.  you felt a bit of pity for the poor performer who misplaced it, but you respected, and still respect!, dorothea’s moonlighting. 

you shoot your head up from the book and are greeted by the grins of your two friends.  “which one has romeo and juliet?”

this past autumn you had overheard several candlemakers at the markets animatedly discussing the ‘incandescent’ portrayal of the titular character by an actress from ireland.  a performance, described as ‘incandescent’ by candlemakers!  embodied by a storyteller who has emigrated here!  hearing all those wondrous things made you insatiably curious to one day read the text that made such wondrous things happen.

“i believe,” eloise says, pulling the second from the bottom of a stack, “it is this one.”

you twitch your fingers; you have to refrain yourself from snatching the book from your friend’s hand.  when it is in yours, you open to the title page and feel your eyes, along with your smile, widen.

“it is, it is!  oh, this is extraordinary!”  you flip furiously to your desired page and, once you find it, start to read,  

prologue.  two households—

—when you hear kathani say, “we had thought of starting with that one.”

that makes you rip your eyes away from the words and look up at the two ladies.

“‘starting with’?”

“when eloise, penelope, and i learned of your eagerness to read shakespeare,” elaborates kathani.  her saying that makes you flush; you had not realized with what apparent enthusiasm you had spoken of the poet.  “the three of us had discussed that the four of us could read his plays together.  if you would like, of course.”

your jaw drops.  you cannot help the squeal that emits from your mouth.  hopping once again in your excitement, you throw yourself at your friends and wrap your arms around them both.

“if i would like!  i would be delighted!”

you pull back from your hug with the two ladies and are greeted by gleaming eyes and wide grins.  you feel how your expression matches theirs.  it has only been a little over a month of your friendship with eloise and kathani, and the rest of the bridgertons at number five, but they each have somehow found a way to carve themselves out in your heart.  and if this most recent kindness by eloise and kathani indicates anything, perhaps you have found a way to carve yourself out in each of theirs.

(and you promptly ignore the thought of what that could possibly mean for ocean eyes and charcoal-stained hands, flutterings within you be damned.)

“how shall we allocate the book?” you say aloud out of genuine inquiry and a deep desire to revert your heart, mind elsewhere.  “shall we read passages aloud and then pass it on to the next reader?”

< eloise makes a remark that indicates her confusion at y/n’s question.  kathani, who is more privy to the situation, shares how she has her own copy as do eloise and penelope.  the stack that they’ve brought is an extra set that the bridgerton house has that y/n can use.  this perplexes y/n.  she cannot understand how a household can have multiple copies of a book, let alone copies of a whole anthology of many books.  before y/n can doom-spiral into thinking, penelope arrives at the entrance of the drawing room.  reading of romeo and juliet commences.  

< just as y/n finishes reading the scene in which romeo and juliet meet for the first time at the capulet ball and then kiss, y/n notices in her periphery benedict approaching the four.  kathani remarks how unusually early he is to be awake and ready for the day; y/n notes to herself how there seems to be some sort of mischief in the viscountess’s smile. >

𝄆 ⚘ ✸ I.iv ✸ ⚘ 𝄇

“i shall be y/n’s teacher,” the viscount declares.

“you were adamant on her not fencing, and now you are insistent on being her teacher?”

“it would be hardly appropriate, colin, for two young unmarried men to be in such close proximity to a young unmarried lady, as proximity of teacher and student in fencing would require.”

“are you always this— antiquated?”  you inquire.

that earns a snort from kathani.  anthony, looking betrayed, turns to his wife; she merely shrugs in reply, mirth shining in her eyes.  he turns back to you, eyebrows deeply furrowed and mouth fully frowning.

“and what do you insinuate by that!”

“are you so distrustful of your own brothers, the ones for whom you have served, and still serve, as a model, that you think they would take advantage of me in such a situation—”

you sense how the eldest bridgerton is about to retaliate and arch a severe eyebrow at him in response; you refuse to be interrupted.

“or are you so unbelieving in persons of feminine dispositions that you think i shall be compromised by the mere closeness of a body different from my own sex?”

there is a silence, and though you cannot see them as you stare down the viscount, you can feel how the others exchange delighted glances with one another and hold back their laughter.

“you have two choices, my lord,” you offer.

“neither of them are suitable!  and do not call me ‘my lord’!”

“is that not the proper way to address you?”

“it is, but you—!” he huffs out air through his nostrils, like an indignant dragon in a fairytale; it is a very silly, very amusing sight.  “we have not even begun the lesson and you are already the most exasperating student i’ve ever had!”

you turn to colin and benedict, grinning.

“you two must have been saints then.”

“would you expect any less?” colin grins back.

your wide smile remains intact until your eyes fall on the expression of benedict.  you are entirely uncertain of what emotion he could be possibly feeling until he seems to realize where he is, and how you are looking at him, and breaks out into a brilliant smile with matching brilliant ocean eyes.  you quickly snap your head away from him, ignoring the fluttering of butterflies summoned within you upon the shift in benedict’s expression, and turn to anthony.

“shall we begin, then?”

–

it turns out that you are quite the quick learner when it comes to fencing.  after putting on a fencing vest that had previously belonged to benedict—

“because you are the shortest of the three of us, brother,” remarked colin after the second son inquired why it had to be his former vest that you were to wear.  benedict scrunched his nose and eyebrows in displeasure.  (perhaps you should have taken offense to his opposition, but it was truly of no personal consequence to you and the reaction it created in him was truly adorable.)

“i am not!”

“you are, indeed,” anthony deadpanned.

“prove it!”

and the three eldest sons of the esteemed bridgerton family stood next to one another, comparing their heights.  you turned to kathani, eloise, and penelope.

“are they always like this?”

“idiotic?” eloise deadpanned, sounding remarkably like her eldest brother.

“indeed, they are,” grinned kathani.

—over your blouse, you are immediately put to lessons.  anthony explains the basic concepts of fencing and then demonstrates elementary strikes and parries, occasionally adjusting your stances to the proper forms.  noting how quickly you took to the lessons, he calls for a match between the two of you to observe how you would apply your skills in combat.

“you are retaining information exceptionally well, as well as executing the techniques rather impressively,” states your teacher as you deflect his strike.  you try to hide your gladness in his praise as you smirk and push his blade away with the terzo of yours.

“ah, so my sex is not a detriment to my abilities; that is good to know.”

you hear snickers and snorts from around you.

“i said nothing of the sort!”

“did you think it?”

your opponent frowns further, slightly turning his head away from you to steal a glance at his wife.  he turns back to you.

“i did,” he admits defeatedly.

“it takes a true man of honor to rise up to his folly,” you remark honestly, as you strike anthony’s arm with the tip of your sabre.  loud cheers burst from the onlookers and an aghast but proud look emerges on the countenance of your teacher; you grin, “and a fool to leave his defenses so easily open.”

impressed by your display of sport, and seemingly overcoming his antiquation, at least for the moment, anthony decides that you will match against colin and then benedict.

“how are you to improve if you are to face the same opponent?” claims your teacher with his usual air of annoyance, but you detect his pride in your accomplishment.

it is also decided that the matches will end when one scores a point.

and so, you face colin.  it is easy to keep pace with him, not due to lack of skill on his part but complete and utter determination on yours.  you tried to convince yourself, in the beginning of your match, that the remnants of your anger towards the third bridgerton brother, and how he treated your friend, did not fuel your determination to score the point— but it did and does.  and successfully so, as you strike colin in his left shoulder.  perhaps you do it with too much force as the strike reels him off balance (and perhaps you are delighted that it has done so), but he quickly resumes composure and flashes you a grin.

“i see more and more everyday why you and pen are friends.”

that softens your heart.  you should be dubious of his charming remark, but you aren’t; it is too sincere, as is he, and you begin to see, even if minutely, why penelope cares for him.

“she has good taste in the company she keeps, i’m learning.”

that makes him laugh, as it does the others, and you look over and see how pen’s countenance shines with joy.  that is enough to put your anger towards colin at ease, and turning towards your defeated foe once more, you return his smile and bow your head.  bowing his head in kind, colin leaves, and in his place arrives your next and final opponent; he is smiling like a boy.  

“best for last?” he remarks as he prepares his starting position.  you roll your eyes, ignoring the warmth that starts to fill the center of your chest.

“this shall determine that,” and settled in your starting position, you and benedict begin your duel.

you have observed something of the eldest bridgerton brothers in your matches against them.  anthony struck like fire, bombastic and ferocious.  colin stood his ground like earth, his guards resolute.  and benedict— 

benedict moves like water.  free.  fluid.

as if he is dancing while dueling.

both you and he have reached a stalemate.  you have managed to parry every one of his strikes, and he has managed to deflect every one of yours.  you can feel how those watching are holding their breaths, waiting for someone to land the point.  

you try not to startle when you hear benedict’s voice as you guard against his strike.

“it takes quite an astonishing person to earn the praise of anthony bridgerton.”

“are you so surprised that i am such a person?”

“quite the opposite, y/n,” he catches one of your strikes and grins at you.  “i think you are entirely perfect in that regard.”

you roll your eyes once again but cannot help the blush that you feel spread across your cheeks as you push back his sabre with yours.  

“do you honestly think charm will win you the point?”

“do you find me charming?” you ignore the heat that creeps up your neck and the voice in your head that has already answered his question far too quickly for your liking.  “no, i do not think so lowly of such a formidable foe.”

and he winks at you.

and somehow, without you realizing how you got there, benedict strikes the center of your chest.

“but a little distraction does help.”

his point earns a round of groans and bleats from the crowd.  instead of looking offended, benedict just laughs and approaches you, gloved hand outstretched, a boyish smile once again on his face.  despite your loss, you cannot help but smile too.  you place your gloved hand in his. 

“it was a pleasure to duel with you.”

“yes.  likewise.”

perhaps you imagine it, but you feel his thumb swipe against the side of your hand.  it is featherlight, hardly felt with both your and his hands gloved, but felt nevertheless.  before you can process the sensation any further, he lets go of your hand.  with another smile, he bows his head at you as the crowd of people approach you both, penelope raving about your matches, eloise expressing her wish to fence now, anthony already commenting on what you could do better in your next match.

and without you realizing it, you gently swipe against the side of your gloved hand.

𝄆 ⚘ ✸ I.v ✸ ⚘ 𝄇

"mama?  papa?"

it is a rare occasion when you, mama, papa, and your sibling eat together, and an even rarer occasion to do so for a second meal, but this night was such a night.  the three of them halt their conversation and look over to you.

"how did you know you were in love with one another?"

there is a small silence, but then, without looking at one another, they smile in tandem.

"it was at first sight, really, for me,” your papa says as he offers his hand to mama.  “as trite as that sounds."

mama takes his hand into hers.

"i as well."

"when i looked into your mama’s eyes, i knew that something was different.  that my life had changed."

"for the better, dearest?"

papa laughs heartily.

"no, actually.  it has been misery ever since."

you and your family laugh as mama playfully slaps at papa’s hand.  it warms your soul every time they do this, when they tease one another and are light because of the other.   it makes you believe in love each time.  

mama and papa lace their fingers together again, smiling, still gazing at one another.  as if it is just the two of them in their own world.  mama, turning her smile from papa to you, speaks again.

"the flutterings in my stomach wouldn’t quiet, and they only intensified as we approached closer to one another that day and grew closer to one another with time."

she looks nostalgic until something mischievous quickly overcedes her countenance.

"why do you ask, my dear?  has someone captured your eye?"

"or, better yet, your heart?" papa tags along.

ocean eyes and charcoal-stained hands flash by in your mind.

"no!" you say too hastily.  "no, of course not.  it’s— for one of my writings, is all."

you repeatedly poke at your bit of boiled chicken to avoid any further inquisition from your parents’ gazes.

–

sat by your window, you stare up at the night sky when the voice of your sibling infiltrates your dreaming.

“it’s one of the brothers, isn’t it?”

you whip your head over to them.  they don’t even look at you; they are preparing for bed.

“pardon me?” 

“is it the artist brother?”

“what!”

fluffing their pillow, they smile.

“so i am correct.”

“i didn’t even say anything!”

“that is not true.  you said ‘what.’”

“that reveals nothing!”

pleased with the setting of their bed, they ruin their work by plopping their bottom onto it as they finally face you in what you realize now is a confrontation.

“of course it doesn’t, the word on its own.  your reaction, however?  could not be more transparent of your feelings.”

“i have no feelings!”

“is that why you asked mama and papa about being in love?  because you have no feelings and you need to be told what they are?”

“i!—— i am going to bed!” you lift yourself up from your seat at the window sill, turning away from the peace of the night sky, and crash onto your bed.  you lay on your side, faced towards the wall, refusing to make eye contact with your sibling.  you lift up your sheet with too much force and lay it over your body and head.  “good!  night!”

after some silence, you hear the creak of your sibling’s bed and, a moment later, feel a featherlight touch on your upper arm.  you give it a thought, and perhaps against your better judgment, you lift off your sheet, turn, and are greeted by the gentlest of expressions from your sibling.

“i think it is wonderful, y/n.  whoever it is, they are very blessed to have your affections.”

your heart swells.  you love your sibling.

“how did you know it was the artist brother?”  

“so i am correct!”  they smile with a shrug.  “i deduced based on how much you’ve been writing about paint and charcoal as of late.”

you almost shoot upright from your bed.

“you’ve been reading my writing?”

“well, if they weren’t to be read, why do you leave them spread out on the table?”

“because there is no other place to store them!”

“and how good that is, or else i wouldn’t be able to read your fantastical stories or have been able to discover who your beloved is.”

“you are impossible!”

they kneel next to your bed and place their head on your shoulder.

“i love you too.”

you exhale the last of your frustrations, adjusting yourself a bit so that your sibling can rest their head more comfortably.  without realizing, you stroke their hair, just as you always have.

“i quite like the story about the mushroom family,” they state after some time. “i’m happy that the middle mushroom child befriends the peony and then the hyacinths.  i am happy they are happy.”

you feel your eyes start to drift.

“his name is benedict, by the way.”

you hear your sibling’s need for sleep in their reply.

“that’s a lovely name.”

“he is,” you murmur as the peace of the night falls over you.

𝄆 ⚘ ✸ I.vi ✸ ⚘ 𝄇

“good day!— robert?”

“good day, y/n!” and robert holds the door of bridgerton house open for you to pass.

“pardon the confusion in my greetings—”

“no offense taken on my part!” the late adolescence beams.  you grin back.  with how utterly enthusiastic robert is all the time, one would think it is part of some ruse.  but it is not; he is just that genuinely delighted by life, you’ve observed.

“i am grateful.  i had expected to be greeted by giles, is all.”

robert frowns.  you feel the corners of your mouth tug downward in response, concern starting to swell your heart.

“he is ill at the moment.”

“ill!  with what?”

“i know not.  i had admitted the doctor perhaps not even a quarter of an hour ago.  but worry not too much, y/n!  from what the viscountess has shared with the servants earlier this day, giles shall make a quick recovery.  and lady bridgerton has yet to be wrong in anything!”

relief floods your body.  giles is of elderly age, so it calms you to hear that his ailment seems not to be too severe.  and you can’t help but smile not only by robert’s sunny temperament but also by his rightful faith in kathani.

“that is all good to hear.”

“shall i announce you to the drawing room?”

“oh god no.  i am quite all right, but thank you.”

“understood!  then i must pardon myself; i must retrieve miss bridgerton and miss featherington.”

“‘retrieve’?  are they not in the drawing room?”

“i was informed by dowager lady bridgerton, who was accompanied by miss bridgerton and miss featherington themselves at the time, that they would be in the gardens until your arrival and to retrieve the young misses upon your arrival.”

“i see.  well, i shall be in the drawing room then.  thank you again, robert.”

“it is my pleasure, y/n!” he beams once more and takes off to complete his task.

how odd, you think to yourself.  this day seems rather unusual to the ones you’ve had thus far at bridgerton home.  and it is hardly even noon!  you become lost in your thoughts as you approach the entrance to the drawing room—

when you are greeted by benedict, and benedict alone, lounging with his legs thrown over the arm of a chair, staring sternly at the page he draws on.

“oh,” is all you say.

benedict snaps his focus from his book to you, his countenance transforming from deep concentration to frustration to genuine surprise in a mere moment.  he scrambles up from his seat, book in one hand and charcoal in the other, posture now proper, and he bows his head.  

“miss y/l/n.”

never before have you been alone in a room with a man.  a gentleman.  a gentleman with a handsome face, charcoal-stained hands, and beautiful ocean eyes.

you roll your eyes.

“blimey, it is just me.  there is no need to bow.  and why are you calling me miss y/l/n?”

benedict smiles.

“all right.  y/n.”

shit.

perhaps that was a mistake.

“where has your family gone?” you inquire as you go to sit in the chair parallel to his, ignoring the flutterings within your stomach.  “it is uncommon to enter the drawing room of bridgerton house and not be greeted by talking, or music playing, or fighting.”

smiling, benedict falls back into his seat and resumes his drawing.

“hyacinth is with her reading tutor; gregory is with his fencing instructor; colin is eating some sort of pastry, i am certain, in town; anthony and kate are likely— preoccupied—”

you snort; benedict’s smile grows broader as he smudges charcoal with his thumb, a small furrow in his eyebrows now forming.

“and mother has managed to rope eloise into learning about the flowers of the gardens, and eloise, being eloise, has roped penelope into doing the same.”

“and what of you?”

“and what of me?”

“why have you chosen the drawing room as your whereabouts?”

benedict cocks his head towards his drawing.

“it’s in the name of the room, is it not?”

“ah, a man of wit, i see.”

“i am a man of many attributes, y/n.”

ignore the butterflies.

“such as?”

“what attributes would win your favor?”

“so that you may lie to me and say you possess them?”

“of course not; the list is merely too long and i shan’t bore you with a soliloquy.”

“so, a man of thoughtfulness.”

“oh yes, a myriad of thoughts.”  

“name one.”

“how much i am enjoying our conversation.”

and benedict shifts his ocean eyes from his drawing to you, a smile on his lips.  he is being playful, but you detect no deceit in his expression.  it infuriates you, really.  how charming he is.  how endearing.  how sincere.  

you return his smile.

“as am i, benedict.”

you sit in comfortable silence a moment more until benedict breaks the gaze, returning his oceans eyes and smile back to his drawing.  his smile, however, does not last for very long.

“this sketch, on the contrary—”

and he rips out the paper from his book, crumples it in his hand, and throws it onto the carpet of the floor, giving his deed not another moment’s notice.  he puts his charcoal to a new page in the moment next.

your smile falls.

“do you know how much paper costs?” you demand.

benedict looks back up at you with scrunched eyebrows and a smile having returned to his lips.  he tilts his head.

“why?  should i?”  he inquires.  nonchalantly.  delight in his ocean eyes.

as if you are making a jest.

as if this is amusing.  as if this is nothing.

it reminds you of a recent memory.

eloise had generously given you sheets of paper.  hitting a stride in your writing and wanting to continue, you had asked, after much internal deliberation, if you could have a ripped half of a quarto upon running out of all negative space on your current one.

“have a foolscap.  have a whole lot of them, actually,” she said easily, taking a good chunk of her stack and handing it off to you.

“eloise, are you certain?”

“of course.  it is just paper, after all.”

“right.  yes— of course.  thank you.”

eloise hummed affirmatively in response, returning to her passage, as you stared at the small stack of foolscap in your hand.  that amount of paper would have been eight months’ wage, perhaps even more.  

a gentle touch of a hand on yours brought you out of your clouding thoughts.  you looked over and saw penelope looking at you softly.  understanding her unspoken thoughts, you held her hand and gave it a squeeze.

thank you, you mouthed.

"i must be going,” you say aloud.  “goodbye, mr. bridgerton.”

you stand, turn, and quickly exit the drawing room. 

“y/n.  y/n!”

you hear him scuffling up from his lounge and start to follow you.  you hasten your steps towards the entrance.  

moments before you can open the doors of bridgerton house to the respite of the outside world, you feel benedict take hold of your wrist, stopping you in your steps, and it infuriates you how gently he does it.  how you can pull away from his touch if you want to, how you can just go if you choose to.  but you do not.

it infuriates you how much you want him to hold you.

you turn to face him.

“please— wait,” he breathes.  “what did i do wrong?  what have i done to upset you?”

you look at him incredulously.  then it dawns on you.

“please.  tell me,” benedict practically begs.  with such softness in his voice.

it infuriates you.

“i know money is of no concern to you, or your family, or fair ladies and pretty gentlemen.  but it is for the rest of us.  for the rest of us who have to work to keep the ones we love fed, clothed, warmed, sheltered.  that is a fact with which i have been concerned since the very moment i could think for myself.  and for you—of the male sex, of pale skin, of inherited riches—it is something to discard onto the carpet of one of your family’s many houses.  the paper you threw to the ground would have paid for a month’s worth of warmth for the entirety of my family’s home.  and you ask me what you have done to upset me?”

he says nothing.  he just looks at you, damned ocean eyes and all.  gentle.  attentive.  like he could care; like he does care.

you feel your nostrils flaring, your blood pounding in every vein of your body.  you finally rip your wrist away from his loose hold, already missing his touch.

“i shall take my leave.  please give my regards as well as my apologies to eloise and penelope.  goodbye, benedict.”

you turn away from him, yank the door open by its handle, and step outside, walking composedly at first, then quickly, then sprinting, then running.  to be as far away from number five of grosvenor square as you possibly can be.  to be far away from crumpled up paper, charcoal-stained hands, gentle touches, and ocean eyes.  

you rub your wrists against your eyes.

stupid bloody tears.

stupid fucking heart.

why am i so afflicted by this?  why am i crying?  why do i hurt?

because i love—

no.

you cannot fall for him.  he is someone you cannot have, cannot want, cannot— cannot…

it cannot happen, the two of you.

and most likely of all, you are not someone he wants.  not someone who he would love.  not the way you—

you are a fool for getting this far.  but these feelings, they will pass.  somehow.   you will forget them.  you will forget him.  this is not the fairytales you read, not the fairytales you write.  daydreams, hopes, love for a gentleman— there is a reason you are a writer.

you write the things you can never have, the things that will never happen.

you and benedict will never happen.

this is the prayer you tell yourself that evening before sleep takes you.  you pretend not to be affected by the tears that afflict you as you do so.

𝄆 ⚘ ✸ I.vii ✸ ⚘ 𝄇

< y/n does not go to number five the next week on her non-work day as she had grown accustomed to.  she had tried to write at her table in her home to preoccupy herself, but her teardrops were ruining what she had already written.  she considers going to work to distract herself, but y/n knows her unexpected presence would be a detriment to her fellow workers’ established flow of day.  she decides to go to the markets to try and get fresh air and a change of scenery and to do anything to interrupt her spiral of thoughts and emotions.

< while at the markets, y/n hears her name called and turns to see penelope in her blue cloak.  y/n asks what penelope is doing here, and penelope gently replies that she can ask y/n the same thing.  she shares with y/n how, the week prior, after she received news that y/n had left bridgerton house, she left to find y/n in the markets and at her workplace but to no avail.  

< their conversation continues.  penelope shares how y/n was missed last week; by her, by the family, by benedict.  y/n tries to dismiss her words and how the past few months have been a mistake and that she shouldn’t be there with pen or the bridgertons, that she’s not meant to be in their world.

< with patience and empathy and grace, penelope gently encourages y/n to return to bridgerton house next week, and y/n, though her heart aching and reluctant, agrees because she misses them. >

𝄆 ⚘ ✸ I.viii ✸ ⚘ 𝄇

you sigh deeply.

have courage, y/n.

and you rap your knuckles twice against the stately door of number five.  a moment later, the door opens, and you are greeted by a beloved grin.

“miss y/n!  i have not seen you in weeks!”

you cannot help but smile back.

“good day, giles.”

“oh, where are my manners!” and the elderly doorman bows at you.  you huff out a laugh, feeling how your face contorts with distaste. 

“blimey, please don’t.  i am not a lady, giles.”

“you could’ve fooled me, miss y/n.”

you shoot him a severe look; he merely continues to grin.

“you know of my feelings towards being called ‘miss.’”

“i am getting older; my memory frequently fails me, miss y/n.”

“and yet you’ve recalled how we haven’t seen each other in two weeks.”

“three.”

you grin.

“precisely.”

“well, it was quite the surprise when I fell ill the following week!” then giles frowns.  “and it was an even greater surprise to have not seen you when i had returned the week following that.”

you look at the ground, unable to face the inquisition in his sad, kindly look, but when you bring your head back up, you manage a smile.

“it is no matter.  i am here now.  that is most important, yes?”

the elderly man smiles.

“yes, i suppose you are right, y/n,” and he holds the door open for you to pass.  

“aside from bouts with ailment, how have you been, giles?”

“still standing upright, still opening and closing doors,” he beams without a bit of sarcasm.  “and what of you?  how have you been?”

“i’ve been—— well.  and the family?” you say quickly, wanting to move the conversation away from you and your feelings.

“the same as is to be expected.  though—” 

concern starts to swell in your heart.  what has happened in the fortnight you have not been present?

“mister benedict has been absolutely despondent.”

“oh,” is all you say.  giles’ gentle joviality transforms into solemnity, and it makes your heart ache even further.

“on the rare occasions i do see him now, he is leaving for the gentleman’s club in the bright light of day and coming home at an ungodly hour, drunk as a wheelbarrow, wreaking of what smells like every available spirit in london.  he had stopped dipping rather deep sometime ago, much to my relief, so it was an utter shock to return to my station and to see him back on the cut, and deeply at that,” the elderly man sighs.  “i wonder what has happened for him to be so…” he unexpectedly turns to you, his countenance sanguine, “do you happen to know?”

you swallow as you ignore the sensation pooling in the pit of your stomach.

“no, i— i do not.”

“i see.  well, whatever it might be, it is clear how much it deeply afflicts him,” and giles offers you a small, sad smile.  “you know mister benedict; he has always been the most sensitive of the family.”

i do.  

i do know benedict.

you clear your throat.

“do you happen to know where eloise and penelope are at this moment?”

giles cocks his head at you but is kind enough (you thank the heavens) not to press your change of topic.

“the last i had seen them, they had spoken of viewing the art gallery.  do you know the way?”

“i am unfamiliar.”

he smiles again, and it makes you smile in return.

“then i am most glad to escort you there.”

–

giles opens the doors to the gallery, and ahead, in front of a portrait, you see the turnings of penelope, eloise, and—

“y/n,” he utters.

“benedict,” you breathe.

and he looks just as surprised as you are.  

you look to giles, his eyes wide and mouth agape, and then to eloise and penelope.  upon seeing their expressions, you feel your eyes narrow.

“ah, penelope!” shouts eloise.  everyone else turns to stare at her.  “with y/n’s arrival, i must change out of my, my art gallery viewing dress!  and— and, into my... drawing room!  sitting— dress...”

eloise scrunches her entire face in displeasure, confused by her own poorly concocted excuse.  that does nothing to deter her, however, from clamping onto penelope’s wrist and barreling forward towards the doors of the gallery.

“come along, pen!” she calls out to the friend she is pulling right behind her.  as they pass you, eloise gives you a strange and strained smile bearing all teeth, and penelope offers apologetic eyes and an encouraging smile.

giles looks to you, to benedict, and to the two escaping ladies.  mouth still agape, all he manages is,

“i suppose— i shall see to that— miss bridgerton and miss featherington arrive to miss bridgerton’s bedchamber... safe—ly…?”

he mouths, i’m sorry!, at you before quickly bowing his head at benedict, fleeing the scene with remarkable speed for an elderly man who has recently recovered from illness, and leaving you at the entrance of the art gallery.

closing your eyes, you deeply inhale through your nostrils as you place your hand to the space between your eye and your temple.  on your exhale, you wipe your hand hard against the side of your face and open your eyes, whipping your head to look at the second eldest bridgerton brother.  it seems that he has been staring at you this entire time, stupid (stunning) ocean eyes and all.

“would you like to paint a picture?” you snark.  “you are the artist in the room, and it would certainly last longer.  or perhaps you have run out of paper?”

he does not respond, indecipherable expression unchanging, and it unnerves you how guilty you feel at goading him, at taunting him, and he merely takes it.  you sigh again and cross the gallery to where he stands.  resisting the urge to look at him again, as you feel his gaze still on you, you instead look at the painting ahead of you.

it is a portrait of a gentleman.  with dark chestnut hair and mutton chops.  he wears a blue jacket, a darker blue vest, a cream cravat, green breeches, and brown boots.  a watch on a ribbon hangs from his vest; it looks familiar.  he looks familiar.  a benevolent smile rests on his lips.

you look at the plaque at the bottom of the gilded frame.

edmund bridgerton, the 8th viscount bridgerton.

you look back up at the painting, captured by a particular feature.

“you have his eyes.”

“his are gray; mine are blue.”

you roll your eyes but smile despite yourself.  (you try to ignore the flutterings that bloom upon hearing his voice again.)

“yes, but that’s not what i was referring to.  they peer into you— not with scrutiny, nor judgment, but with kindness, curiosity, compassion.  an eagerness to learn about you.  pools of welcoming.  cool tones that radiate warmth.”

you cough, ripping your eyes away from the portrait to inspect the scuffs of your boots.  you feel embarrassment spread throughout your entire body as heat creeps up your neck.

“the painter is excellent at their craft.  it is as if i know him, your father.”

silence falls in the expansive gallery, the calm and kind eyes of viscount bridgerton looking down upon you and his second eldest.

“i’ve missed you.”

you snap your head up to look at benedict, your eyes making contact with his ocean ones.  welcoming and warm.  honest and... hopeful?

i’ve missed you, too.

“benedict, it has only been a fortnight since we saw each other last,” you respond aloud, your voice coming out so much softer than you had intended.  you offer him a small smile, an olive branch of sorts.  something of relief starts to fill his ocean eyes, but his demeanor does not change.

“i behaved arrogantly, and you did not deserve to be the recipient of such behavior.  no one does, and i am so— i am so sorry, y/n.”

and you know he is.  you resist the urge to touch his cheek, to comfort him with your caress, to selfishly have your skin touch his.  instead, you look on at him.

“i do not ask you to grant me your forgiveness; i know i am unworthy of it.  i just— i just wanted you to know how i felt, and feel still.  and how i shall work on myself to be better, to do better.”

the butterflies in your stomach flutter maddeningly.  you emit an exhale from your nostrils.  the urge to touch him intensifies, and you feel yourself flex your hand to let go of the sensation.  you huff out another breath, and smile brightly, sincerely, at benedict.

“well,” you begin, “with our friendship renewed, care to show me what other paintings you love in this gallery?”

benedict’s ocean eyes beam with relief and joy, a brilliant smile lighting up his face, and it takes all your self-control not to drop all discretion and wrap your arms around him in a crushing embrace.

“i would love nothing more, y/n,” he declares.

you try not to flutter your eyes closed at the words ‘i,’ ‘love,’ and your name in the same breath from benedict’s lips.  at the pleasantness and home you feel in them.  you smile on.

“where shall we begin, then?”

you and benedict walk together as he approaches a miniature in a wooden frame ornately carved with floral motifs.  he admits that he has not the slightest clue which bridgerton ancestor this is, and that makes you snort.  grinning, he points out how adeptly the artist portrayed the translucency and fluidity of the lady’s veil and how particularly impressive it must have been to accomplish such effects in paints during the early 1600s, if the remnant dating of the artist’s signature is correct.  you remark how particularly impressive it is that a painting has endured two hundred years of existence, details still intact, and benedict responds simply that rich people have a way.  that makes you snort again, and that makes benedict grin again.

he then leads you to a portrait of kathani and anthony, the viscountess sat in a chair with the viscount stood behind.  you marvel at the painting—how much it looks like them, how much it captures kathani’s confidence, how much it captures anthony’s conviction, how much it captures their love.  excitement coloring his voice, benedict imparts to you how he was given the opportunity to observe and assist the painter on the days the latter was commissioned to portray the viscountess and the viscount.  he also shares with you how impossibly difficult they were as models, always giggling and kissing and looking away from the painter and talking to one another, being overall sickeningly saccharine.  you chortle and share with him how that does not surprise you in the least bit.  despite his annoyance upon recalling the memory, an incredibly fond smile rests on benedict’s lips.  turning from his lips back to the painting, you remark how in love they are, and he remarks that, indeed, they very much are—and turns his fond smile from the painting to you.

coughing, you walk over and ask about the landscape of an enormous building.  benedict names it as aubrey hall, the ancestral home of the bridgertons.  you recall how you had heard of it early on in your friendship with the bridgertons; you had been unable to see them one week as they were preparing for kathani’s first ball as viscountess at the home.  you also recall how the usually collected and confident kathani was anxious and uncertain during that time.  benedict, beaming with pride, says how, of course, she absolutely excelled and how all of the ton—he rolls his eyes then and you guffaw—enjoyed themselves at the event.  while kathani had done an unsurprisingly resplendent job, the ball was not very entertaining to benedict.  he much more enjoyed the annual bridgerton game of pall mall leading up to the event.  after announcing how kathani had won—much to the contradictory disappointment and delight of her husband—and answering your questions about what sounds, to you, like a very silly, very fun game, benedict suggests that you join them next year.  you laugh, finding it impossible to imagine yourself at a home such as aubrey hall, particularly for the entirety of three days, but your heart swells at the invitation and the sincerity in his voice, and you say aloud how you would love nothing more.

your spontaneous tour eventually comes to an end, and the two of you make your way towards the entrance, still discussing the various art you had seen.  as you and benedict walk out of the gallery, a thought crosses your mind.

“none of your work is on display.”

you notice how benedict stiffens.  you feel your smile tug into a frown.

“ah, yes.  i do not think my work is— up to snuff— with the work on display here.”

“horse shit.”

benedict’s jaw drops, his face aghast and regaled in reaction to what you assume is your choice of language.  you merely shrug.

“you have not even seen my work!”

“i do not need to see your work when i can already see how harsh you are being.”

he scoffs, and it aggravates you.

“fine— i will show you, then, and prove to you my point.”

“fine, then!  show me, and i will prove to you my point!”

–

“you are full of horse shit!”

you and benedict are in his bedchamber, where all his works are hidden away.  he has shown you canvas after canvas, sketch after sketch, charcoal drawing after charcoal drawing, his palette of color ideas— and he still has the audacity to say that his work is not “up to snuff” for the bridgerton gallery.

benedict looks aghast again, perhaps by your language, perhaps by what you are (very rightly, very correctly) insisting.  he shakes the canvas that he holds in his hand in your face.

“look at the proportions, y/n!  they are entirely off!”

you roll your eyes, swatting his arm away, and begin to rummage through his other work.  you pull a sheet and hold it up to benedict’s face.

“look at this sketch, then look at the canvas.  there is a very clear, marked improvement, and with only a—” you look at the dates at the bottom right corners for confirmation, “—a difference of two days!”

“what does ‘improvement’ mean if the improvement is not even good!”

“it is good!  and!  improvement is everything, benedict!  it is progress!”

“what—”

you and benedict jump back from one another by the sudden new voice.  you had not realized how close the two of you were as you were shouting at one another, how close your faces were to one another, how close your lips were to—

a blazing heat creeps up your neck, at the tip of your ears, and across your cheeks as you turn from benedict’s flustered face to the scowl of the eldest bridgerton sibling in the doorway.

“—are the two of you doing?”

“brother!  i— i was merely showing y/n my work.”

you vigorously nod your head.  anthony’s glare remains unaffected.

“alone?  together?  in your bedchamber?”

your heart almost leaps out of your chest, your eyes about to bulge out of their sockets as you look around the room, suddenly aware of where you are.  you are in benedict’s bedchamber.  alone.  together.

“i—” you start, very pathetically.  “i——  we—”

anthony curtly bows his head at you.

“y/n, i would like to have a word with my brother.  in private.  please.”

“of— of course, right— of course!”

you hastily put the sketch on a nearby table and walk towards the door, pass anthony as he steps in, and are about to run down the hall and away from the scene when—

you turn and steal a glance at benedict, mustering up all the apologies you can convey through your eyes.  despite the peril of his current predicament, his ocean eyes soften immediately, and a thousand butterflies erupt in your stomach and flutter around viciously.  he offers you a slight smile, one that is sincere and unregretful.  you offer one back, just as sincere, just as unregretful, before anthony gives you another bow of his head and closes the door.

–

“are you pleased by the results of your consorted trickery?” you state blandly upon seeing the young ladies that you thought were your friends sitting in the drawing room.

eloise looks up from her pamphlet, beaming at you, as penelope wears a wide and proud smile.  well, at least they have answered your question.

“trickery?” eloise feigns.  you roll your eyes; their expressions answer honestly, but their words continue their game.  “i have no idea what you are referring to.  pen and i were merely keen on viewing the art gallery today, and i thought, my blue-deviled of an elder brother ought to stop moping about; what better to get him to leave his bedchamber than by way of his favorite topic?”

“and his other favorite topic,” penelope adds.  eloise chortles, and you feel the tips of your ears heat.

“what is that supposed to mean!”

eloise waves a dismissive hand at you.

“benedict knew nothing of your arrival, as i am sure you deduced by his surprise,” but the second eldest daughter grins wickedly.  “though, from the sheer amount of time you have spent together thus far today, i am also sure the surprise was very welcomed, indeed.”

“by both parties, it seems.”

you promptly ignore the flush you feel on the apples of your cheeks.  your friends are lucifer incarnate split into two.

“well, then you must be delighted to know that your shared plot has led to punitive action against him.”

that surprises them.  (good.  you are relieved to finally have some sort of an upperhand in this conversation.)

“‘punitive action’?  by whom?  for what?”

“by—”

the three of you hear a set of footsteps.  you look to where the sounds are heard and see the two eldest bridgerton siblings enter the drawing room, the elder approaching you with conviction and the younger trailing behind him like a pet that has just been reprimanded.  the sight would make you laugh, if you weren’t the one to have instigated the current conflict between the two brothers.

anthony stands before you, posture perfect and chin held up high.

“y/n, thank you for your patience.  please allow me to apologize most ardently on behalf of my brother for his complete and utter lack of propriety.  it will not happen again as i shall be more vigilant in tracking his every deed.  i do hope this incident of my brother’s disrespect does not taint the beloved friendship between you and our family.” 

and he deeply bows his head at you.

your jaw drops.  benedict shuts his eyes tight and scrunches his face.  penelope bops her gaze amongst the three of you.  and eloise just howls, causing anthony to break the gravitas of his decorum and shoot a glare at her.

“it is no laughing matter, eloise!”

“it is harmless fun, brother!  a pursuit of intellect exchanged between two creatives, who also happened to be by themselves.  i have never heard of a baby being conceived from sharing some art.”

“ELOISE BRIDGERTON!”

you have now entirely hidden your face behind your hands; no one needs to witness the deep crimson that you are certain is spreading very rapidly across your countenance.  an absurd hope also blooms in you that if you cannot see the others, then the others cannot see you.

“what ever is the matter in here?” 

your eyes shoot open upon hearing the much needed voice of reason.  removing your hands from your face, you see kathani enter the drawing room, a confused expression worn on her face.  

“my dearest,” anthony begins, “i have offered my deepest apologies to y/n for benedict’s disgrace.”

“disgrace,” scoffs eloise, crossing her arms.

“disgrace!” reiterates anthony with increased fervor.  kathani’s confusion does not lighten.  she looks to benedict, whose eyes are scrunched closed again (his nose looks adorable this way), and then to you.

“are you all right, y/n?” she inquires gently.

“i—” you had intended to say, am well, but that would be a lie.  you are utterly mortified.  so, instead, you state the truth.

“benedict has been a gentleman.  he has treated me with the utmost respect, and when he has done wrong by me— which!  which has nothing to do with our being in his bedchamber!—  he—” you steady your voice, determined to say this right, as you know and feel it with and in your heart, “he has corrected himself and bettered his words and thoughts and deeds.”

“you hear that, brother?  no harm has been done.”

“eloise, you were not even there!”

“i believe what eloise means, anbe, is that you are being dramatic.”

“dramat— they were in his bedchamber, kathani!  together!  alone!”

kathani rolls her eyes, her attempt at diplomacy entirely gone.

“speak louder, anthony; just a bit more and the entire country shall hear you.”

the viscount pouts grumpily at his beloved, emitting a huff of air through his nostrils.  

“you must trust y/n by her word,” the viscountess states.

“or do you not trust someone of feminine disposition to speak for herself?” eloise inquires.

“pen!” 

you all snap your gazes to the entrance of the drawing room and see colin making his way to your friend in blue, followed by—

“y/n!” shouts gregory and hyacinth as they run towards you.

“y/n, penelope!” remarks violet and approaches you both.  “how delightful it is to see you!  you—” she says, reaching out for your hand, gently taking it in hers, and smiling kindly at you, “—in particular.  it has been a moment, y/n.” 

it melts your heart, really.  the sincerity of affection that flows so easily from violet bridgerton.  you recall the kind eyes and benevolent smile of her late husband.  it is no wonder you so easily fell in love with this family; true, real love is woven into the very fabrics of each of their beings.

you look at them.  hyacinth and gregory cling onto your slides, holding you tight.  kathani and anthony are engrossed in debate, affection in their eyes despite the heat in their words.  colin and penelope speak with and blush around one another as eloise, unknowingly (and, in your opinion, frustratingly, endearingly), butts into their conversation.  and benedict.  who, with the gaze of the entire room no longer on his so-called indiscretion, is looking at you.  softly.  with those damned, wondrous, bewitching ocean eyes.  a smile on his lips that makes the flutterings in your stomach unbearingly, wonderfully unyielding.

you truly, really love this family.  

you love the bridgertons.

“though,” the dowager viscountess starts.  

shaking yourself out of your thoughts, you see how violet looks at the others in the room as half of them now pointedly avoid eye contact with the matriarch and the other half share a similar sentiment to her.

“is everything all right?” she turns to you, peering curiously into your eyes.  “has something happened?”

you cannot help the laugh that bubbles out of you.  violet seems taken aback by your reaction, as are the others in your periphery, but her eyes, as well as theirs, shine on.

“i think,” you say, smiling, “it is just another day with the bridgertons.”

[campcampkirbykirbykirby]

Camp Camp Commentary Notes - Season 1, Episode 1: Escape from Camp Campbell

This is the first in a series of posts detailing the various nuggets of behind-the-scenes info found in the commentaries of the Camp Camp Seasons 1 and 2 Blu-Ray. I aim to cover both the writer commentary and cast & crew commentary of every episode in the set (except the holiday specials because they don't have commentaries GRRRR)

Writer’s Commentary

Writers went back to touch up this episode after completing the initial 10 episodes, before going on to the bonus 2 episodes that were greenlit following the positive reception

This episode went through about 12-14 drafts before it was finalized

Pilots are very hard because they both need to be very good and hook the audience so they will want to watch more, you have to juggle introducing all the necessary characters and telling a single solid story

Doubly so since this was the crew’s first shot at writing for an episodic series, all their other efforts had been story-driven up to that point

Irony in that the title of the first episode is about wanting to leave the camp (or show) entirely

Max and David’s dynamic is perfectly set up within 8 lines of dialogue

In older versions of the pilot, Mr. Campbell never showed up in person, only in the introductory video that was later repurposed into promotional material

Most of what was taken out of the pilot ended up being reused in some way, including the intro and the teaser trailer

One of the primary goals was to establish early on that this is not a kids show, like some people who saw the early promo material thought it was

This is why Max swears less than 40 seconds in, and why the rabbit gets swooped up by Timothy earlier (although I’d argue you could make that joke in a more family-friendly show)

First RT series produced in more of a writer’s room style akin to The Simpsons

The writers would come up with episode ideas, divy up who’d want what story, they’d write a first draft, come back to it, workshop the script several times, rinse and repeat until it devolved into Miles and Jordan doing final punch-ups and trimming

This pipeline allowed for lots of easter eggs and background details to be slipped in

Then they effectively do a table-read of the script which allows them to add more

Starting in Season 2, they started recording writer’s room conversations, so if something funny came up and they wanted to add it, they wouldn’t just have to go off of memory

Putting all the campers in the activities field doing their activities seemed like a good way to establish all of their respective camps.

Challenger II is Miles’ favorite visual gag (as of 2018, at least)

Working with Lee Eddy and Travis Willingham was great, Lee especially since they had previously worked with her for Red V.S. Blue

Travis was the first person who recorded for the show, as part of the aforementioned introductory video, and he was great at riffing and ad-lib

What exactly Camp Campbell was was foggy initially (whether or not it advertised that it was a camp of all camps), and the initial pilot didn’t explain it very well because they had built an internal understanding of what it was and didn’t do a very good job conveying it to the audience.

Mr. Campbell really likes the Quartermaster

Looking back on the first episodes is very interesting, especially when you have been working on the show for years at that point, for example, Max’s bond with Nikki hasn’t been established yet, so he has to ask why she’d help him.

Not enough time for the full theme song (hence why no intro), so they thought having Gwen interrupt it was funny

The scene where Max, Neil, and Nikki are running was seemingly the origin of Neil’s raptor arms (oh, excuse me, T-rex arms)

Ed, Edd ‘n’ Eddy was used as a reference for things like this because the Eds each had distinct walk cycles befitting their personality

First Day buttons were included so the campers would have a means to get away from the counselors

The music sting as the bus is driving away is a nod to the Back to the Future theme

Cast and Crew Commentary

Michael jokes about a sequel or prequel called “Max Max/Maximum Max”

The scream Miles did when David gets hit by the bus gets used quite a bit

The more Max’s parents push him away, the more he tries to cling to him, according to Maggie

Episode was supposedly recorded March 2016, ironically one of the last ones recorded

Recording for the series started November of 2015

Handheld camera movements in the mess hall scene were added by animator Gil Calceta

Lee Eddy was the only person who auditioned for Gwen, the crew saw it as perfect casting

Laserdisc player is not big enough for laserdisc

Campbell’s lazy wear (for lack of a better term) was only made for the one shot, though it would later comeback in Season 4

Michael initially auditioned for Camp Camp not really knowing what it was, and his script was just some typical Max phrases

Older episodes, Max was pitched up because Michael hadn’t quite perfected the voice yet

There was no helicopter assest created, it’s off screen and only implied by Campbell being pulled up by the ladder

The scene of Nikki throwing the button took 3 days to animate

The line “Go to bitch, jail” in the Camp Camp Rap Rap was an ad-lib/outtake

[zaptrapp]

Ea’s Bad Batch Finale Rant

Here we go, doing this as I’ve done for ep.1. Of course SPOILERS AHEAD for the last episode (sigh, it’s all done and gone isn’t it?). Warning, this is going to be chaotic and emotional... so yeah, deal with it haha.

The intro… the eerie music… chills.

Is something bad about to happen or…?

Please leave Wrecker alone.

WRECKER NO

We are not starting on a good note, why’s Wrecker so beaten up???

This is not good, I’m not good.

I mean I know why, because of last ep beast, but c'mon why Wrecker...

“Clone Force 99 ended when Tech died” fuck If I’m not crying wow….

Crosshair shaking so much… nah I’m out already what the fuck is this.

Crosshair wanting to sacrifice himself, YO CHILL?!?

Hunter please discipline your children.

Dr. Hemlock x Rampart or did I just imagine the sexual tension?

But what if...

Enemies to lovers Dr. Hemlock x Rampart lmao please someone, anyone?

Kids please beat the shit out of miss Dr. PLEASE KIDS!

Omega being so smart, her character development, the courage! SLAY GIRLIE

FREE THE ZILLO YUP

now we're talking

"Is it Omega's or Echo's handiwork?".... "Omega's." LMAO they know Echo doesn't fuck around that much hahaha

Emerie i give you one last chance.

green kid I feel you so much, I'm also afraid of heights hahah

here we go with the Incredible 4 (aka the super clones? enhanced clones? brainwashed clones? whatever....)

they give off a lot of "Avengers Unite!" vibe

ready to slay aren't we?

When I said slay I didn't mean slay the bad batch, just to be clear.

annd Hunter is a goner

Annnnd Crosshair is a goner too i guess?

WHAT THE FUCK NOT THE HAND???

Creepiest point the show has ever been what the actual fuck is this supposed to be a children show?

Yup Wrecker is done too.

Yo the scene where Emerie and Echo see his squad being taken away. I got chills, you can fucking see his reaction, the shock.

ECHO SLAY YESSSS ECHO THE OG ARC TROOPER HERE WE GO

Emerie don't fuck this up and get those kids to safety thank you.

CLONE RESCUE HAPPENING RN I'M NOT GOOD

Nala Se and Rampart too?! slay

Omg Rampart stfu for one second or just go away you're useless anyway

Not the squad being tortured

HUNTER NOOOOOOO

"We'll survive, but you won't" -> OOOOOOHHFFFFFFUUUUCK

Hunter be mine

Oh wow Nala Se I see where you're going with this.

Kamikaze?

Too bad we didn't have more Hemlock x Rampart interactions, boyfriend died, sad.

Aaaaaand 2 are down.

Bye Rampart and Nala Se, you actually were on my dead bad batch bingo list.

Rest In Peace Nala Se🙏🏻 you got redeemed.

Rest in Sass you bitching ass imperial Rampart 🖕🏻

UH Hemlock this was such a bitchy thing to do.

and here goes the chaos

Wrecker is so fucking menacing. HE IS PISSED

OK WRECKER IS MAD MAD and also scary scary now…

Hunter with that spear makes me feel things.

Uhhh he got it coming from a mile away

And Clone CX-2 is down….

So, uhhhh…. That wasn’t Tech uh……

So….

Tech was….

….Dead dead?

Like actually dead this whole time?

Fuck.

ALSO WHERE THE FUCK IS COMMANDER CODY PLEASE RELEASE HIS FROM HIS CAGE

NO ECHO fuck god

“Take a shot everytime the bad batch is on the verge of getting killed”

-> not me being absolutely wasted and with my nerves asking for mercy

Please Hunter, Crosshair, kill that bitch ass Hemlock

major disney villain vibe in the storm with the hostage secured to his wrist yada yada...

"DROP YOUR BLASTERS" well well well

Why is Hemlock’s screaming voice kinda sexy tho

I'm so sorry for what I've just said.

WET HAIR HUNTER FUCKING THANK YOU I can die now

CROSSHAIR PLEASE bciakwnfbhc I’m dying too here

You can do it YES you can do it

Crosshar leaning on Hunter like he did with Tech in the clone wars season 7 HAHAHAHA YUUUUP I've been fed.

Uh that was personal

Guys... that's enough. Yup I-I think he's dead now. Yes, definitely gone. Uh, you can stop shooting, he's cold. He also just fell off a cliff... HE DEAD DEAD!

evil space imperial boyfriends reunited in hell

The way Omega chooses to hug Crosshair first, as a DadHunter! stan I feel a bit betrayed but comprehensible… he just saved her not missing the shot.

with one hand tooo, kudos

group hug I'm so teary

Wait so they did it?

THEY’RE OFF PLANET!??

AND THEY ALL SURVIVED?

Oh wow I bet my money on Hunter and Crosshair to die but I was wrong?? This is… refreshing.

Look at them kids!! And the clone cadets, and the rescued clones!!!

EMERIE AND ECHO YESSSS

Look at them all cozy and happy

Nah Echo my man where are you going?

Rex mention pt. 2 or something...

Rex should have been there in the finale but ok i guess... a bit disappointed but still

Nah Echo should have been there for the last shot.

It’s over uh?

look at them, finally happy and free. WE DID IT.

WAIT NO IT ISNT OVER YET???

Not the flash forward I cannot handle it

Ok Pabu!?

YOUNG ADULT OMEGA fuck yesssss

oh she looks awesome

IS THAT HUNTER'S BANDANA

deceased. dead on the ground. dead like hemlock.

NOT OLD HUNTER LIKE THIS IM DEAD ON THE GROUND DECEASED IM FUCKING CRYING OH WOW

OMEGA IS SO GROWN UP

She’s a rebel pilot

"You're our kid" I'M SCREAMING

he chose to be a dad, I knew it

She chose to keep fighting

TECH'S GOGGLES THIS IS SUCH A FOUL MOVE

They should have included Wrecker and Crosshair in this where are they??

But also it’s as it began, Hunter and Omega and their father-daughter bond

“Bye dad, imma be a pilot and save the galaxy” aka “imma move out from the basement and live on my own”

Oh Hunter you’re an old man now…. My heart is aching but also it means he got to live a peaceful life until the rest of his days.

the beard, the long hair, the gray hair.... i wonder how crosshair and wrecker are doing? and echo?? and howzer? AND CODY?

like you cannot leave me like this? hello?

This is gone full circle now.

Well….

Goodbye Bad Batch! It’s been a pleasure!

(I’m still crying)

[1941-crowley-slut]

Listen I typically headcanon Crow and Azi as asexual...

...but.

I have recently started considering the other possibility as well. Because they might be angel and demon, but it is not a new concept for them that they do human things. Especially after they have already gotten to that breaking point where (reason aside) they express their love through a physicality (the kiss). Imagine what would come next, how hungry they would be for each other after getting the first taste... (que flashback of Aziraphale trying the ox, thank you)

So I've been thinking about their first time. I think that it would be something unprompted, unexpected, although Aziraphale is definitely the kind of person to plan such things. He would have loved to plan it all, make a big romantic scene with wine and music and rose petals and dim lighting. And I bet Crowley's falling-in-love-under-an-awning-in-the-rain ass would like that too, even if he pretended otherwise.

But they wouldn't do that. They wouldn't really think it through at all beforehand. I think they'd just get taken away in a loving, intimate moment between them on the couch of Azi's bookshop. Crowley would have locked the doors with a snap of his fingers and performed a little miracle to make it so they would be invisible from the outside. Not so much for himself, but for Azi.

And he'd be oh so gentle with his angel. Even though he'd be filled with so much need and passion due to the longing he's had to endure for this angel, Crowley wouldn't fail to make the other feel loved. He'd take it slow, intertwine their fingers, kiss Aziraphale sweetly and occasionally ask him if he was feeling alright, feeling good. He'd be careful, because Aziraphale would be so very fragile in his hands at that moment.

And when they were done... After Aziraphale managed to get past these new shocking feelings, the high he was currently experiencing, guilt would set in. He'd sit up, turn away from Crowley in a panic and hurriedly attempt to dress himself in his shirt and fix his hair. The same panic we saw him experience after the kiss in season 2. He'd be refusing to allow Crowley to look at his face, make eye contact, all while mumbling things like "Oh, what did I do?" "This is so wrong..." "We shouldn't have. We really shouldn't have.", as well as numerous things about being tempted.

Crowley would watch for a moment. Just for enough time, until he knew Aziraphale would feel okay being touched again. He knows his angel so well, he knows all his green and red lights and how long it takes to get to them. And he wouldn't be upset. He wouldn't feel betrayed or offended over Aziraphale thinking they made a mistake. Because Crowley knows these thoughts are not his own, but the ones he has been fed from the beginning of their creation. He knows Aziraphale suffers with religious trauma and guilt, even though the angel himself prefers to be oblivious to it.

Soon enough, Crowley would approach. He'd snake his arms around Aziraphale's waist with gentle motions that wouldn't startle the angel. He'd hold the other from behind quietly and press light kisses to his nape as a reassurance. As his way of saying "You didn't do anything wrong, angel. You're still good. And I love you."

With another snap of his fingers, he'd get them all cleaned up, and maybe also dressed, if Aziraphale needed it. If he felt more comfortable that way. And then he'd make sure they were in bed, watching cheesy romcoms that Azi likes. And Crowley would do his very best not to complain about the clichés, or he'd only make silly little remarks that he knew would make Aziraphale smile, even just momentarily.

[ Note: The intro has been edited ]

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

on a very random note (and hope you don't mind me talking about it ^^;), I do think Studio Bones is doing a great job at adapting Season 4 and I'm really enjoying it!

Though sometimes, I wish that they didn't omit some manga panels because it makes me a little sad that the weight of certain moments is taken away:

Exhibit A: Dazai laughing at Chuuya's impression

Exhibit B: Chuuya talking about Dazai leaving the mafia

Exhibit C: Dazai getting arrested

Exhibit D: Ango visiting Odasaku's grave

and the last one because this moment destroyed me when I read the manga and cause he's my personal favorite:

Exhibit E: Rampo facing Mushitarou on his own

genuinely, I'm really enjoying the adaptation right now and it's not that I don't appreciate the effort put into this <33

And it's true, these are minor manga panels so it wouldn't be too much to change or discard it and yet in taking away such minor panels, it also takes away the grand depth and complexity of what the characters are thinking and feeling in those moments.

It takes away the weight of the scene.

And that's the thing, bsd is a series that has so many complex characters with intricate dynamics, thoughts and moralities that it's a little bittersweet to know that the anime falls short sometimes when capturing certain moments and deprives us of the struggles, humanity and genuineness that these characters have and are going through.

again, nothing against Studio Bones but I often think of the things that could have been :<<

@langdahling

Hey you two! First off, I want to apologize for the huge delay. I was trying to think of what to say in response and I think I always make responding to asks way more work than they ought to be...

But anyways. Here are my general thoughts on the BSD anime, which I'm probably only going to elaborate on here once, and then drop it.

I enjoy the anime, really I do. But it's strange to think how drastic the difference is in the way the characters are interpreted between those who have only seen the anime and those who have also read the manga (and perhaps also the light novels).

First off, let's go over what the anime does well, since I want to ensure we're appreciating what is still a lot of effort from everyone in that studio. Animation, and all the things that need to happen to get a show off the ground, is not easy. Here are some things that stand out to me:

Those backgrounds: you know what I'm talking about. The stained glass, the sunsets, the city shots, the imagery. Beautiful, stunning work honestly.

Use of imagery and clever animation choices: there are some things that are going to change by necessity when adapting from page to screen. The clever animation teams will use this to their advantage - I don't think Bones always does this effectively, but when they do... oh man, is it ever good. I, for one, really liked the kind of projector effect over Dazai's farewell to Chuuya in s5.

Use of colour and light: go back through any scene and pay attention to who has what colours and the way the lighting is positioned. Again, these are those smart animation choices I was talking about.

The music: Score's really good. I wish the music was used a little more consistently (there's some weird choices made... why Wake Up Call for the Tachihara fight???) but the music itself is catchy and sets a good tone.

The voice acting: It's so good. See, even when I wasn't convinced about how the scenes were going to be framed, I never doubted the voice actors would carry it. (I'm talking about the Japanese actors here specifically, but the English dub is pretty good too... sorry I can't speak on any other dubs though...) I really love Kyouka's seiyuu (Morohoshi Sumire) and the way her voice takes on more inflection through the series as Kyouka comes into her own especially.

The abilities and the use of writing: Love the way the abilities are animated. And the use of text to emphasize character intros and key scenes was always good, but I legitimately freaked out when they used it for the Page's narration over Nikolai's speech in Season 4 - good! artistic! choices!

And we're lucky enough to have an adaptation that follows the major plot beats pretty much to the letter! ...so. Why does it tend to disappoint fans of the manga so often?

Well I know a lot of people have their opinions on it. owlyflufff I agree with you - the exclusion of certain panels make for very odd characterization choices - as in, it totally changes the context of the scene and what the character might be thinking. See Exhibits A through C for the best examples. For Exhibits D and E, I personally feel that we got enough in the scene to draw the same conclusions about motive and intent, but that Ango panel... oof it hurts so much. I'm ok with the Dark Era flashbacks personally though: same character motive, just with different artistic interpretation.

langdahling, you're also right though. Pivotal emotional moments aside, I feel a lot of shows (not just BSD) don't know how to let their characters breathe. Pacing is a huge issue in a lot of things I find. You have to let us know who these characters are. Let the characters breathe, and give us, the audience, time to breathe with the characters. It's important. It's really important. It's something the manga does well - it's endearing. Every character gets a little endearing, silly moment. This is necessary for a series that is fundamentally about humanizing its cast.

As for my own opinion on what the adaptation lacks... well, I have a bit of an interesting view because both my mom and I actually watch this show. I, as you all know, am a deranged little weirdo about it who has literally gone through everything BSD I could find and inserted it directly into my brain cells. My mom, on the other hand, has only seen the anime, but is privy to other information about the series um. Because I talk about it non-stop (sorry mom). I happened to be visiting her when season 4 started airing and we watched the first little bit together - the Untold Origins adaptation. To be clear - this adaptation was good. I think it was probably the best after Dark Era. But. My mom turns and looks at me at the scene where Ranpo breaks down shortly before Fukuzawa lies about him having an ability (because I've told her the rough summary of it before) and says "I don't think Ranpo's desperation came across". She said it felt like a breakdown, sure, but it's not the same as the pent-up frustration and fear that was made so incredibly clear in the novel. She said if I hadn't explained that Fukuzawa realized it was kind of his last chance to reach Ranpo, that he had to do something to save this kid, that she would've been left completely bewildered as to why Fukuzawa would tell him such a massive lie. (Never mind the exclusion of his parents, which was why nothing but a lie would work but I digress...) This happened later in the series too. Kunikida was given a prolonged fish-eye closeup through Jouno's entire speech about his ideals instead of the balloon symbolism used in the manga (literally one of the most baffling changes to me - I don't really feel any which way about the fish eyes in general, but imo doing any kind of prolonged like 20 second close up of one character's face during what is a pivotal moment for them is uh... a weird, if not outright poor, animation choice). Poor Akutagawa's death scene being... like that. He dies with grace! He DIES WITH GRACE! That's important!!! He made a choice and was satisfied!!! For all of the Bones and Asagiri Dazai favouritism, he's probably one of the worst examples of watered down emotion - it's no wonder so many people mischaracterize him. Why is he smiling when Jouno arrests him? Why does he look unbothered when he realizes Chuuya's been vampirized? Where is the scene after Q attacks where he conflictedly realizes he'll have to resort to underhanded tactics to win??? Thank god for Miyano Mamoru and his voice acting because otherwise. Geez. And then Sigma. Oh my god. You need that scene where he helps the casino guest. That's his first scene. They condensed his backstory. Sigma's entire character was watered down. And I knew it was going to be before I even watched Sky Casino arc, because this is the core problem I have with the anime in general -

There is a lack of desperation. And it comes, primarily, from the watering down of intense, pivotal moments, and then, the removal of some of the more lighthearted or kind scenes in favour of getting quickly to the action.

I feel that contrast is what's necessary to give these emotional beats weight. And often... it just doesn't hit. It's odd to me, as imo one of the core themes of BSD is desperation. Every character has this desperation at their core - a desperation to succeed, a desperation to live, not having a reason to live and being desperate to find it. It's all desperation - and this really, really does not come across well in the anime. Not consistently. I think the most egregious example is the Sky Casino arc. Both Sigma and Teruko are just as desperate as each other. Teruko stopping the plane was not a guarantee but a play on her part that could very well have resulted in her death. There's heavy implication the bones in her arms shattered in the manga. Her and Tachihara had to take a quick breather after it. That's not in the anime. Sigma's backstory being condensed does a great disservice to explaining why he is so desperate to save the casino - I felt we were primarily told rather than shown. And so the Sky Casino arc, with desperation at its core... was underwhelming. As I figured it would be before it even came out, as the anime already had a history of cutting details out, rushing through the build up, and making odd artistic choices that dampen the emotion of said pivotal scenes. It sucks, really.

And while it's fun to get two seasons in one year, I find myself very, very worried on behalf of the animators and the workers in that studio. I would've been happy to have two in one year... if I thought they were at all prepared for it. But I don't think they were. Season 5 feels very rushed and I know I'm not the only one who's said this. Makes me worried for the pressure everyone's under to churn this out so quickly.

In the end, I rationalize most adaptations of anything as having two (or multiple!) cakes. The BSD anime is enjoyable! And fun! I love seeing my little guys walk and talk and use their cool powers. It's a completely different experience to the manga. Unfortunately, for anyone who's read the manga, it's... a bit of an underwhelming experience, but still. It's a fun watch - even if it's not really what I was hoping for.

[vidavalor]

Hi long time reader!

Sooooo I have a query. Here’s a piece of chocolate pie with meringue to help get through the back story.

I was watching season 1 again as I do weekly, but this time on my phone. I was on episode one right when Crowley delivers Adam to Tadfield Manor. Usually at this point when Crowley exits the car I’m usually watch the charming snake walk, this time I couldn’t see him as my picture was poor on my phone, but I was able to listen to Background noises.

Have you noticed that Crowley was listening to Save Me by Queen as he pulled up to Tadfield Manor? I find it fascinating considering what he just went through, and what he’s about to do.

Hi there! Mmmchocolatepie. I never mind backstory. 😊 Thanks for the ask and the dessert. 💕 I pulled up that scene and relistened because it's hard to hear since the sound is mixed low because of The Voice of God speaking at the same time. I can see why you'd hear "Save Me" as it sounds a bit like this part of this song but it's actually "It's a Hard Life", which also repeats a few minutes later when we come back to Crowley driving away from Tadfield. Both songs are very appropriate for this night, though. "Save Me" could have easily been played during the rest of the ride back.

Some thoughts on the significance of the choice of "It's a Hard Life" and very Aziraphale-ish aria that inspired it.

TW: Satan's attacks on Crowley.

"It's a Hard Life" by Queen is nearly over when Crowley pulls up to Tadfield Manor to deliver Lovely Little Tosie-Wozies to the satanic nuns. If you really crank it, you can hear this bit of the song:

"Yes, it's a hard life In a world that's filled with sorrow There are people searching for love in every way"

Arthur then tells Crowley that he left his lights on and Crowley flicks the power off of the car, shutting off the music and the lights, right at what would have been the "it's a long, hard fight" lyrics.

The song is about 90% over at this point. When we come back to Crowley driving away from Tadfield on the other side of the whole baby swap sequence, though, the beginning of "It's a Hard Life" is now playing.

We hear the lyrics more clearly now around Crowley's dialogue, when he tells his phone to call Aziraphale and then realizes all the mobile lines are busy because he brought them down earlier in the evening. As others have pointed out, the "you win/you lose/it's a chance you have to take with love" bit is playing when we come into the scene and when the phone is calling Aziraphale, the lyrics "oh yeah/I fell in love" are heard. (The very appropriate "And now you say it's over/And I'm falling apart" is then what is playing when Crowley can't get through to talk to Aziraphale.)

The song starting over in the next scene implies that Crowley is playing "It's a Hard Life" on repeat in the car during the drive back from Tadfield. It's actually the second song in the evening to play this way-- the first being "Bohemian Rhapsody." When Crowley rolled up to the graveyard, the song was in one spot before Crowley cuts the engine but when Crowley is attacked by Satan later on, he's played the song again since on the drive, as we are now at the "I see a little silhouetto of a man" part. Like we looked at in another meta, "Bohemian Rhapsody" winds up scoring the assault. The same song that's a genuinely hilarious choice for when Crowley rolls up to Hastur and Ligur takes on a nightmarish tone the second time we hear it.

After that? You wouldn't blame Crowley for putting on literally any other band on the planet for the rest of the drive, right? But he doesn't. He changes the song but not the band and the song he switches it to is "It's a Hard Life." And that's a good thing to not let Queen be taken from him but the song he chooses is kind of brutal in its own right, especially with regards to its origins. It ties to what I believe you are alluding in your Ask in a similar way to "Save Me."

The intro to "It's a Hard Life" is inspired by "Vesti la giubba", the aria that closes the first act of the opera, 'Pagliacci'. During this aria, the main character-- who, like a certain angel we know, performs on stage as an entertainer-- has to go on stage just after discovering that his wife has been unfaithful to him. Just to be really clear here: rape is not infidelity and I'm not saying it is. I'm also not saying that Aziraphale would ever see it that way, either, but I think Crowley might.

People who have a partner and are assaulted by someone who isn't that partner sometimes have, in the understandable mess of their emotions over it, the feeling that they've betrayed their partner. Crowley has a whole mess of feelings over his fall still and Satan's harm of him is obviously related to his fall. These conflicts over his fall are in large part because he seems to believe in an interpretation of the "there and all the kingdoms thereof" idea of God that he references in the St. James' Park scene later in the same episode. That is a paraphrased quote from David in The Bible and refers to the idea that God is in everything.

The idea is that since God is God, She could intervene and right any injustice that She sees fit to right; so, if there is no intervention, then the interpretation must be that God must see what has happened as fitting. I think this is at the root of Crowley still believing that maybe he's not the most evil being who ever existed but that he did deserve to fall-- something that, ironically, Aziraphale often seems more inclined to disagree with. Aziraphale's conflict over viewing God in this way-- which he kind of does or at least thinks he ought to-- is that he genuinely doesn't believe that God is infallible. Aziraphale believes in Her less than Crowley does, even if Crowley's the one who fell. He's angry with her over what She's let happen to Crowley (and to countless others, in different ways) and he's confused and troubled by why She still sees him as an angel when he's arguably gone against her more than Crowley ever did.

In reality, God in GO in S1 is heavily suggesting that She views the universe as the dominion of Her creations-- it's their world. If She were to intervene, She'd be undermining their free will. God doesn't seek to oppress them and She doesn't demand their subservience-- She roots for their freedom and happiness. Falling is political. Crowley and Aziraphale get that on some level but they still think that God has a hand in it. She does not. She's not really behind The Metatron. If She were, it would go against Her own ideas of her creations being autonomous individuals who can make their own choices and seek their own happiness.

Crowley actually has it totally right here:

But he tends to think (and there likely is) a little element of determinism mixed in with that free will, as he's a romantic. We see at other times that he has believes God made he and Aziraphale for each other.

As a less-operatic-but-Good-Omens-related song puts it: "but somewhere in my wicked, miserable past/I must have done something good", right?

"Vesti la giubba", though, is a whole song about the pain living beneath a happy exterior-- the tears beneath the smile of the entertainer and the pain behind a "the show must go on" sort of attitude. It's very Aziraphale. The story makes it clear that Aziraphale is aware of what being a demon involves for Crowley and while Aziraphale has a steely strength to him that a lot of people don't see (but that Crowley does), he's also, as we know, tender-hearted. All of this has been crushing him for more years than either of them can count.

Aziraphale puts on a brave face and makes and acts as a safe haven but imagine how powerless all of this would make him feel...

I see evidence that Aziraphale didn't totally believe "The Metatron" in 2.06 (or was fully convinced that it actually was The Metatron) but part of him wants it to be true because he thinks it would solve problems he feels helpless to solve. I see a lot of people say it's because he needs Crowley to be an angel-- it's not. Aziraphale already thinks Crowley is an angel, more than he himself is. It's because they promised him the power to make sure that Crowley would be safe forever and even though it's not the life either of them want, it tempts Aziraphale because he feels like he has never been able to fully give Crowley that himself.

With "It's a Hard Life" on repeat, they have Crowley driving around in the middle of the night in 2008 listening to a song inspired by Aziraphale: The Aria that's about a loving relationship running out of time, all after having to meet Hell in a graveyard (worse after S2 when you factor in 1827) and after being hand-picked to start the end of the world by his rapist, who assaults him while he's driving, nearly causes him to kill a human in an oncoming truck-- and all while he was supposed to be having dinner and a night ironically inspired by Rome with Aziraphale.

"It's a Hard Life" is also so Crowley, too, though... the droll-in-the-face-of-misery "this is a tricky situation" at the start, the romantic and determined "I'll say I did it for love" at the end...

...but also the "and I've only myself to blame."

It all really adds weight, though, to how, eleven years later, it's only at Tadfield Manor and on the dark road around Tadfield at night in The Bentley-- this time with Aziraphale-- that Crowley's emotions spill over as he's thinking of 2008 and Aziraphale is hit by waves of love.

"It's a long hard fight/To learn to care for each other/To trust in one another right from the start/When you're in love..."

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 17/04/2024

Psy's End Stylehall

Season 6 Featured on: Transmission Archive ~ The SiIvaGunner All-Star Nuclear Winter Festival Collection

Ripped by Eva Twin

Alright, so, sure, it wasn't very long ago that I covered a PSY rip, with The World Ends With PSY. But part of why I wanted to highlight that rip in particular other than to talk about The World Ends With You, was to showcase a rip that used PSY's music in an abnormal way for rips, using it in a way we don't really see much of nowadays. That isn't because The World Ends With PSY held some secret ingredient that no rip since has been able to capture, no no, quite the opposite - its because the style of PSY rips we've gotten for a majority of the channel's life, the ones like One Winged PSYcho - V​.​S. Sepsyrop, like Korean Idiot, and indeed like Psy's End Stylehall, are fucking bangers. PSY is at this point more than just an artist whose music can be made into fun mashups - PSY's vocals are an instrument in of themselves.

And like, I really, truly don't know enough about vocaloid or vocaloid music. I enjoy a Lagtrain from time to time, I love rips like Rolling Start and Willievan Afton Polkka, but its still a niche that's a fair bit out of my wheelhouse. Yet its these kinds of rips that all highlight, to a peasant like me, just what makes the scene tick - the sheer energy in a song like World's End Dancehall feels like the kind of thing you'd ONLY hear through the vocaloid scene. Yet in a way, it doesn't surprise me that I find the music so inherently appealing - it feels as if there's a fair bit of overlap in enjoyment between the art of high quality rips and the art of creating vocaloid music. Both fields are, in many cases, using something not meant to be an instrument, a noise turned music through pitch-shifting and other techniques, be that noise the voicebanks of a digital songstress, or the AHHs and EYYS of a South Korean pop artist. Hatsune Miku is everywhere, she is an instrument for artists to use more than she herself is an artist - yet all of the music featuring her vocals sounds so incredibly distinct from one another. Much the same, again, can be said for PSY.

Like, you'd think one would get tired of the guy after eight years of the same bit, after having annual PSY days where we get nothing BUT rips of the same PSY samples and sounds and bits. Yet each rip manages to sound different from the last, each rip able to find so much creativity in using the guy's vocal samples to ridiculous effect - and no matter how many years pass, Gangnam Style itself still bangs!! The amount of cool shit Psy's End Stylehall in particular does is just too much to list - the slight stuttering on the "Ga-Gangnam Style!!"'s in the song's intro, the constant yet unintrusive presence of Gangnam Style's backing instrumentation, the ways that PSY's vocals are used for both the backing AND the lead melody?? It's nutty, especially in music as chaotic in pace as that of wowaka's (who was also the artist behind Rolling Girl, paid tribute to in Rolling Start mentioned earlier). PSY rips didn't take long to be elevated above just standard mashup material on SiIva, and as late into the channel as Season 6, rippers like Eva Twin were still finding novel ways to use the man's voice.

Like, the way Gangnam Style's first verse vocals play in full at a pretty standard pace, only to suddenly be as if whisked away by World's End Dancehall picking up the pace at 0:49, raising the pitch in PSY's vocals, repeating a segment of the chorus over and over...or the way the chorus has PSY sing alongside his own "ops" repeating as a new form of percussion, on top of Gangnam Style's own instrumentation, on TOP of a layer of "Eyys" in the background - this is the kind of rip that I would just ADORE to see the inner workings of, just how many layers it must've taken to make such a full sound. And like, I've covered Eva Twin on here a good number of times, I still love I'll Face Gay Bowser to death, but Psy's End Stylehall is the kind of rip that leaves me outright amazed at how layered it all sounds. I need no attachment to vocaloid to know good music - and no amount of overexposure to PSY can make his rips any worse. Unfamiliarity and overfamiliarity meet in the middle for a rip I could almost recommend to anyone, a show of SiIvaGunner's sheer quality as of its most recent seasons, and a demonstration of just how deeply its team members care about music of all shapes and sounds.

[jenyifer]

Does Boston actively hide Nick’s dark room photo?

So been wondering for a while where the hell Nick on Bostons bed is. Well in looking at all the red room scenes Detective Jenny has found it maybe.

In the intro we get it right here above the little desk cabinet with a camera on top. Now Nick tells Boston don’t let anyone else see this and acts very self conscious about the photo. I thought this photo maybe is just hidden somewhere or sadly not yet important to Boston because we don’t see it in BostonNick or BostonAtom spicy scene.

But I was wrong. Boston did put it up. And make a big canvas copy it seems. This is from ep 2 (same ep the photo was taken in) part 4 time stamp 4:41 to 4:43. In the episode this is the scene post all the friends lake date and Boston is developing the photo of Mew and Ray. The angle is different but I think the lines on the blanket line up. So what?

Boring answer: It’s a production mistake. Photo was meant to be there whole time but didn’t come in until late.

Fun answer: Boston immediately got the photo into the big form because Nick is his favorite and he’s proud of that photo. Look at him. This is proud happy Boston you guys. He’s staring at the little photo in his hand.

But I think Boston knows from this conversation with Nick that Nick is insecure. Boston tells Nick to be confident how great he looks but Boston must know Nick doesn’t agree. So… Boston puts the photo up in his dark room when Nick isn’t around. He starts fucking Nick at Nick’s place asap. Then Boston DECIDES they are going to do it in the dark room. It’s a right of passage.. (possibly Boston and Ray have done it in there I’m leaning away from this so late in the season tho) Also Nick showed Boston at their lake date after the sand bday party disaster even if Nick doesn’t agree with him 1. Nick will tell him 2. Nick will treat him the same. Boston is SERIOUS about wanting Nick to be his number 1 until he leaves. So before Boston brings Nick to meet his dad Boston takes down the photo and leans it against the wall

Then when they break up Boston’s heart broken he removed the photo immediately or Anticipating he’d pull someone anyone at the Halloween party Boston still wanted to respect Nick’s wishes despite Nick not respecting his Boston took the photo down so only he could see Nick in his vulnerable state. 😭😭

[the-curious-butterfly]

My Theory on What the Kahlopatra Scene in the Intro Could be Foreshadowing.

Because I don’t think it had anything to do with season 2 despite being in its intro. Sure it could have been about the whole get together episode in which they do obviously want to be together yet keep being kept apart (mostly because of Frida though) but like I said I don’t think it is.

My theory on what they’re angst could be actually has to do with codependency. We see a relatively harmless and innocent aspect of it in episode 10 but I wonder if it’ll perhaps be taken much further in future episodes to the point their friends are starting to get worried and insist they need to spend time apart.

That’s basically what we see in the intro, them being pulled away from each other despite not wanting to be apart at all. Not just Frida but Cleo too which is why I don’t think the problem will be her (this time) and that she does genuinely love Frida.

I know it’s a long shot considering it is Frida we’re talking about but yes my theory is that the love they have for each other might start becoming unhealthy and that they spend season 3 finding that healthy balance or risk friends/family deciding they need to be separated for good.

[sarucane]

OFMD Spiral Parallels 28: Izzy and Stede Talk Blackbeard

Intro: What I love most about how season 2 builds on season 1 of OFMD is the spiral narrative structure. Ground is repeatedly and explicitly re-trod from season 1 to season 2, but in season 2 everything goes deeper than season 1. Meanings are shuffled, emotions are stronger and truer, and transformation is showcased above everything. The first season plucks certain notes, then the second season plucks the same ones--but louder, and then it weaves them together to create a symphony.

---

For most of the show, Izzy and Stede are clashing in some way. But Izzy is actually pretty honest with Stede most of the time. His opposition to Stede just doesn't manifest in lies or deception--except twice. Twice, Stede is in his cabin, and realizes Izzy's in there with him. Twice, Izzy gives Stede a mixture of lies and truth as they discuss Ed, and Izzy faces up to the depth of the relationship between Ed and Stede. In the first conversation, Stede fails to notice warning signs about what Izzy really thinks, and Izzy doesn't actually lie directly. The second time, Izzy tells Stede a lie he wants to believe. Both times, Izzy talks around murder, and both times Izzy's intentions backfire spectacularly.

When Stede comes in after storming out of the fuckery, he's wallowing in his own (rather shallow) drama. But in the second season, Stede's been cleaning up the knives Ed left behind. From invented drama that Stede's responsible for, to actual drama...that Stede's also kind of responsible for.

Izzy appears behind Stede, and Stede's hostile. But in the first scene, Stede fails to read between the lines of what Izzy's saying. Izzy's pretty openly planning for what he's going to do after Stede's death. Izzy thinks he's about to re-assert the order of his life.

The Izzy who appears behind Stede in season 2 knows the futility of that idea, knows that life is lost forever. And while Stede missed all the clues last time, this time he knows he's been lied to, he demands the truth--and he refuses to accept Izzy's obfuscation.

In the first season, Izzy really does know more about Ed than Stede. Izzy knows how Ed feels about Stede, and while it annoys him, he's not frustrated--because he thinks there's an end date. He thinks Stede is going to be dead soon, and then it won't matter.

In the second season, as usual, the emotions go much deeper. Izzy's cool control and casual superiority vanish quickly in the face of Stede's newfound certainties about Ed. Izzy's frustrations about Ed, Stede, and himself--and the relationships among them--boil over, and honesty pours out.

But that honesty only goes so far. Just as in season 1 Izzy knew Ed was plotting to kill Stede, now he himself is guilty of (he thinks) murdering Ed. Both pieces of information need to be hidden from Stede, in order to make sure Stede does what Izzy wants. So Izzy obscures them. In the first season, he manipulates Stede to do the very thing Izzy thinks will result in his murder. In the second, he's trying to get Stede to help him hide Ed's murder. But he's not willing to take the risk of honesty. The lies are bolder, the truths are starker.

Both scenes are about what Izzy knows and Stede doesn't. But both scenes also point deeper truths about Ed, one that Izzy doesn't even know. In the first season, Izzy's creepy curtain molestation gives Stede the idea of adding a "kraken" to the fuckery (listen to the musical cue!). Izzy has no idea, but his evil is going to rebound upon him: the kraken, and the breakdown it triggers in Ed, is what's going to stop Ed from hurting Stede. Something in Ed's past is hidden from both these men, and Stede's going to bring it out.

And in fact, if Stede hadn't taken Izzy at his word and the manipulations hadn't played out, that might not have happened at all. Ed might have gone through with killing Stede, vanishing probably forever into his own darkness.

In the second season, Izzy tells Stede what he thinks is a lie, but which is nearer to the truth than even he realizes. Like he did in the first season, his actions and behaviors point to a truth about Ed's past. Here, his lie points to a truth about Ed's present: Ed's not actually dead. He is dying, though. Nature is doing the rest.

If Stede hadn't believed that lie, events might not have played out as they did. Stede probably still would have tried to help the crew. But would he have been with Ed at just the right moment, when there was still time to save him from falling into that darkness below the water? Maybe, maybe not.

Stede can be disastrously credulous, and Izzy can be a manipulative bastard. But both of them really do care about other people: about Ed, about the crew. That care leads both of them to these interactions. And ultimately, that care saves Ed from his own darkness.

[markantonys]

surprise bitch bet you thought you’d seen the last of my WOT recaps! turns out i have two more in me for my thoughts on rewatching s1 after having read the books! this one is episodes 1-4

episode 1

fuck me if the show isn’t still My Main WOT. i read all 14 books, yet as soon as i hit play on 1x01 i was like “ahhh, that was a nice 14-book AU but now we are back to the real versions of the characters and events” jkfjgh curious to see if it will always be this way since the show was my first ever experience of the characters, or if next season when we start to get to characters and events that i experienced in the books first, i’ll switch to the books being my primary version.

moiraine’s much-maligned opening monologue: while it’s telling rather than showing, as a WOT newbie i found it a very helpful quick intro to the lore surrounding rebirth and the dragon reborn and to moiraine’s mission, and i think it was good to lay out the basic facts here and tell us right off the bat what moiraine is trying to accomplish, so that someone unfamiliar with the story and lore can get oriented straightaway, and then these concepts are deepened and expanded upon later in the episode and the season. it also helps to lessen the “eotw is a lotr knockoff” vibes of the beginning of the first book by letting us know some of this unique lore straightaway rather than just starting us off in our little pastoral village with moiraine as the mysterious gandalf whose goals we don’t know. and it makes me laugh that people are mad that she criticizes LTT and doesn’t have the exactly correct version of what happened at the bore. that was 3,000 years ago, there was an apocalypse and a TON of knowledge and records were lost, and this guy caused the apocalypse, so it is no wonder that he doesn’t have the BEST reputation these days (also, it’s book canon that LTT was arrogant so). expecting moiraine to have perfect knowledge of LTT and the breaking would be like expecting us today to have perfect knowledge of something that happened in 1000 BCE!

i will also always defend the much-maligned liandrin chase opening scene. it was an incredibly effective and efficient way of introducing so many important concepts (the red ajah, gentling, madness for men who can channel, the difference between women channeling and men channeling, how terrible it is to be a man who can channel) in only a minute. when i first watched the show, i was hooked after that scene! i saw the guy talking to the other guy and then he vanished and liandrin was like “there’s no one there, the madness has taken him already” and i was like Whoa!

i think it was a good choice not to start with the eotw prologue of LTT and ishamael, for a few reasons. 1) starting with that and then hurtling us 3000 years into the future would’ve been confusing as fuck. it was confusing as fuck to me in the book even though i’d already seen s1 and knew who lews therin was and what his connection to our main characters is! and tv shows do not have as much freedom as books to be confusing as fuck in the opening minutes and potentially turn away audience members, particularly with wheel of time since the show aims to cater to a broad audience whereas the books are not something any but a hardcore fantasy nerd who expects to be and enjoys being confused as fuck would pick up. 2) holding off on showing anything from the AOL until the last episode made it a very fun surprise for non-readers when we find out that 3000 years ago was actually a futuristic society, and getting us settled in this medieval-esque society for 7 episodes and then revealing that pre-breaking was actually super futuristic really hammers home how catastrophic the breaking was and how much devastation the dragon wrought. 3) i’m SURE this scene will make it into the show eventually, whether as a cold open or in-show as maybe rand having an LTT memory or something, and i think that saving it until we know that rand is the dragon reborn and know more about what that means for him will increase the emotional impact on the audience of seeing LTT realizing he killed his whole family and then killing himself. rather than just being like “here is a random guy having a bad time. oh no! anyway” jkfjg

overall i think that among certain readers there’s a tendency to, on the one hand, instantly lambast something different from the books as a bad storytelling choice without stopping to consider how that choice may actually be helpful for people who aren’t yet familiar with anything about WOT or be necessary due to the different constraints of tv versus a book, and then, on the other hand, fret about non-readers not being able to notice or understand something that the show makes fairly clear to somebody with a modicum of critical thinking skills, which show-onlys DO have, despite some readers’ beliefs lmao

the first half of the above point is also why i shake my head at people who said the show would’ve been better if there had been an entire episode in emond’s field and the trolloc attack didn’t happen until episode 2. in a tv show, you CANNOT save your inciting incident until the second episode, it has to be in the first one. it just has to! books have more room for waffling about (even so, i was so bored by how long it took to get to the inciting incident in eotw that i probably would’ve put the book down if i hadn’t already been attached to the characters from the show) but television has to hook the audience quickly. call it consumerism or cookie cutter hollywood if you want, but it’s a simple fact that tv shows are a bajillion times more expensive to make than books are, so they need to earn a bajillion times more, which means getting as many people hooked on it as quickly as possible. and as someone who came to the show without being familiar with WOT already, i’m not sure i would’ve tuned in for episode 2 if the entirety of 1 had just been people waffling about in emond’s field. okay *i* probably would’ve because josha stradowski and zoe robbins are so pretty, but lots of other new viewers wouldn’t have jdkjfg

also, those complaints seem to be borne from people thinking that the ef5 and the Status Quo weren’t established enough in the limited time in episode 1, but i strongly disagree. this introductory portion was short, but very effective. as a show-only first-time viewer, a couple minutes of the boys hanging out together was enough for me to buy their friendship. a couple minutes of mat’s home life was enough to get me attached to him. one shot of rand smiling was enough to make me mark him out as a precious cinnamon roll too good for this world too pure. one shot of nynaeve sending off her lantern alone in the woods and hiding her tears from the village was enough to make me feel for her and get a sense of her Lonely At The Top place in the two rivers. etc! while i certainly would’ve enjoyed rafe’s envisioned 2-hour episode 1 bc i’m always a hoe for more WOT content, i don’t think it was actually necessary and i would imagine that many new and/or casual viewers would’ve been put off by 2 whole hours in emond’s field.

and my next bullet point has a huge book spoiler so i will put the read more here

explain to me why i cried when nynaeve was explaining the braid to egwene! egwene’s death was too fresh, i wasn’t ready to see her again as a little baby!

rand is so HOT god. “how come elayne falls in love with him after 5 minutes and stays in love with him for 14 books despite rarely spending time with him” have you seen him. Have You Seen Him. egwene is so strong for being able to turn him down in favor of her career, i would give up my whole life to be rand’s trophy wife. oh fuck am i min???? jdkfjg oh no

brief randlayne tangent: at the con this weekend ceara said that we first meet elayne at the white tower, so there go my hopes of her getting a meet-cute with rand before arriving at the tower and meeting egwene :( i’m very curious how their eventual meeting will go down because it would be a hugely different vibe if elayne meets him already knowing that he’s her best friend’s ex. i could see maybe elayne runs into him while she’s by herself and instantly vibes with him and thinks he’s cute but doesn’t realize that he’s egwene’s rand because he doesn’t give a name or gives a fake one, and egwene had told her rand had red hair but the cute stranger she just met has no hair djkfgh

i’m also preemptively fretting about how much time they’ll be able to have together in the show, because as we know they’re robbed enough in the books, but the show’s quickened pacing might crunch down their time together even more - what if this season ends with falme and then rand leaves for the waste and elayne for tanchico right away next season? and given the deepening of randgwene, it’d probably feel too soon for rand to already be making out with elayne in like 3x01 before they leave on their trips. maybe they will change the order around so that he and elayne have a Vibe when they first meet but nothing actually happens, and then he and avi hook up in the waste but she rejects him afterwards - this would eliminate the kinda icky feeling of betrayal of elayne on both avi and rand’s parts when they bang in the books, and avi’s very firm and in-character rejection of rand here would provide him a better excuse to go off and fuck other people than elayne’s impulsive ooc plot device letter. but maybe avi knows elayne has a crush on rand although nothing actually happened between them and so she still feels guilty for that reason, allowing her and elayne’s whole relationship arc to still happen. but then rand would have to be able to spend a longer chunk of time with elayne sometime post-waste in order to make their relationship happen. on the one hand, i’m fretting that they wouldn’t be able to do that since both characters are so busy doing hot girl shit in different locations for the whole series, but on the other, i have faith that the show would be able to change things around to allow them to spend more time together in the middle of the series.

basically i’m just terrified they might split the polycule into 2 monogamous pairings, rand/min and elayne/avi, since it WOULD be easier in pretty much all respects, but good GOD i can’t live like that, i’d kill myself if min was rand’s only love interest!! rafe’s comments about polyamory in the show have made me hopeful that this won’t happen though. and i don’t think they would’ve bothered introducing alanna’s polycule if not to pave the way for rand’s.

okay we got way off track, back to episode 1

me on the first watch when lan stepped into the inn, hood up, and stood there silently until every single person in the place stopped talking and looked at him: ooooooh mysterious

me on this watch: absolutely laughed my ass off over what a drama queen he is

i’ve cried over rand like 5 times in the first episode, it’s fine

when he talks about dreaming of his kids running through these woods just like he did 😭😭😭😭😭😭 the last scene in the show better be randlayne’s twins running through some woods while rand watches happily or i’ll riot. anyway, i’m literally in agony over how much rand wants to just stay here and have his peaceful little domestic life and how much he will never be able to do that. A+ writing choice to make rand much more family-oriented and attached to home than he was in the books (and having Plans for his future in emond’s field rather than being like “what does it mean that i get nervous when egwene is around?” lmao), it makes his having to give all that up extra gut-punching. this change, while smaller than laila and mat’s backstory, has the same effect of priming the 3 boys for the major series-long internal struggles they will face in a way that is more obvious and imo more effective than anything the books did.

in nynaeve’s defense, she is minding her business and moiraine suddenly appears and is like “you claim to be a community leader and yet here you are cleaning?” and then proceeds to alternate between being insulting and asking bizarro nosy questions, so I Too would not be the biggest fan of moiraine after that conversation lmao (especially since insecurity about her age and leadership status is one of nynaeve’s biggest pain points, and moiraine just swoops in and starts pushing right on it)

thinking about that post that was like “rand wheeloftime’s gay little jumper in episode 1″ that’s a world heritage post. i’m devastated that rand didn’t get to take his gay little jumper with him on the trip.

lan: we need to leave. now. do you know which one of them it is? moiraine: no lan: [silently resigning himself to the fact that he’s about to acquire 4 kids instead of just 1]

the way i was NOT PREPARED when trollocs showed up the first time i watched jdkfjg we’ve spent so long in a world where GOT is the genre-defining fantasy show despite barely having any magic or monsters or fantasy elements that my subconscious was not ready for monsters to show up in this show. when the arrow hit that guy i was like “oh it must be evil people attacking” and then it cut to the trolloc and i was like WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!!!!!

mat charging into the battle to find his sisters is THE perfect way to establish who he is as a person, i can’t get over it

before i was thinking that moiraine might have announced to the whole village that one of the kids was TDR, but now i see she, lan, and the kids were actually talking fairly quietly and no one else was too close to them or seemed to be listening, so i don’t think the villagers know after all (tho they do leave in front of everyone rather than sneaking out like in the books)

“your life isn’t going to be what you thought” 😭😭😭

me on first watch when moiraine said the whole “there are neither beginnings nor endings” line: okay

me on this watch:

to continue my opening ramble, in my personal experience the complaints of the show not doing enough to get the audience attached to the ef5 were crazy false. i remember that the first time i watched, when i went in knowing 0 about these people, i came out of just the first episode frantically signing adoption papers for rand, egwene, mat, and perrin and a marriage license for nynaeve. and all along i was far more invested in them than in moiraine despite the show making her the main character. but i know a lot of show-onlys genuinely did feel the opposite way with caring a lot about moiraine and not much about the ef5 (or 4, most people did seem to care about nynaeve), so maybe i’m just Built Different, who knows!

one thing i will say is that i vividly remember feeling so At Home in this show just after the first few episodes. rather than 16-year-olds saving the world or middle-aged men politicking and scheming, here our main group of characters are people in their 20s trying to figure out what the hell their lives are gonna look like. and the show is more mature than a YA show/book but not as gritty and graphic as other adult fantasy shows/books. and i remember feeling that it just really hit my “i’m too old for YA but too young for/just don’t vibe with adult fantasy, but there’s no middle ground” sweet spot. not to mention the plethora of well-written female characters and lack of sexism, male gaze, etc in the writing and production. i straightaway felt like this show was For Me! even before it was revealed that queer people exist and are considered normal and treated with respect by the writing and other characters!

episode 2

when episode 6 first aired someone said about mat staying behind at the waygate “[perrin watching the ferryman voice] he’s gone” and now i think about that every time i watch or think about either scene. another world heritage post (although i think this was actually a reddit comment, over on r/wotshow which is the only sane and reasonable wot subreddit)

lan and rand staring each other down after the ferry incident jkjfg lan just immediately clocked that rand is about to become The Problem Child

lorne balfe release the version of ta’maral’ailen that plays 10 mins into episode 2 challenge!!!! it’s so pretty and ta’maral’ailen is one of my favorite themes!!! i’ve listened to the soundtrack so much that i instantly recognize when a snippet of music in the show is not included on the soundtrack and get very sad. oh i can’t wait for new Themes in s2 - i’m thinking full version of the seanchan theme, AIEL THEME, elayne/trakand/andor theme, maybe some sort of zany unhinged Mat’s Luck Theme

when rand says moiraine might kill them like the ferryman if they step out of line, to his face egwene disagrees, yet the second moiraine gets her alone that night she’s like “are you gonna kill us like you did that ferryman? 😤” awww! i love them your honor! i totally didn’t remember that egwene WAS suspicious of moiraine at first, and only softens to her when moiraine shows her some honesty in this one-on-one scene.

the introduction of the three oaths was definitely a curveball for me on first watch! i remember immediately trying to think back to every line moiraine had said to see if she really had told the truth every time haha

it will be interesting to see josha get into actual Darth Rand territory because in this season every time rand gets mad i’m just like “awww he needs a snack, he’s cranky” and i want to squish his cheeks. to be fair, my reaction to book rand getting mad was always either exactly that or “daddy? sorry. daddy?” and no middle ground

rand definitely got too much flak from the fandom for the tension with egwene in this episode. even if we set aside the fact that he’s undergone an enormous amount of stress and trauma in the past few days, it’s entirely valid for him to say “you broke up with me, so you can’t now pretend like nothing happened, i need space” and to feel hurt and confused by egwene seeming to change her mind and want him back. it’s also valid for egwene to want the comfort of him and their relationship back now that she’s also undergoing an enormous amount of stress and trauma! also, when she replies to rand’s above statement by saying that everything’s different now and she won’t ever be nynaeve’s apprentice after all, while egwene certainly didn’t mean it this way, i could easily imagine rand interpreting that (and her overall behavior) as her going “you’re my second choice but i’ll take you back now since my first choice fell through” which definitely wouldn’t be a nice feeling, and would feed right into one of his greatest fears that we later hear from machin shin: that egwene will never love him as much as he loves her. she’s always been his first choice, but he knows that he isn’t hers and that hurts! and yet at the end of the season, he chooses for her to have her first choice even though that isn’t him! oh my heart!! but we’re getting ahead of ourselves. i will also note that in episode 1 he was 100% accepting of her breaking off their near-engagement to become nynaeve’s apprentice (to an almost unrealistic degree lmao) and it’s only in this episode when she starts changing her mind and giving him mixed signals (and when he’s undergoing all his stress and trauma) that his little pufferfish spikes come out.

i’ve noticed several times now that moiraine says “she or he” “women and men” “a girl or a boy” rather than our society’s unconscious standard of putting the male term first (in english). it’s such a small thing but i love it!

the CAMERAWORK in the manetheren story - focusing on rand while we’re hearing about the king, on perrin while we’re hearing about normal people banding together to protect their home, on mat while we’re hearing about holding back a trolloc army for many days against impossible odds, and of course on egwene while we’re hearing about eldrene feeling her husband dying and then dying herself by using too much of the one power. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

bad news: this means egwene will definitely still die in the show good news: it also means we will definitely still get gawene in the show (given that everybody but me hates their romance and thinks it’s pointless and detracts from egwene’s character, i did worry they might cut it haha) bad news: it also means gawyn will also definitely still die in the show

shoutout to the hilarity of mat going “i’m going to cheer the gang up with a nice song!” and moiraine going “i love that song! [proceeds to tell the depressing as fuck true story it’s based on and put a damper right back on the mood]” she’s the kid on the playground telling everyone that ring around the rosie is about the plague

godddddd randgwene hits SO different after reading the books 😭😭 i think this is definitely the Show Thing that having read the books improved the most for me (aside from the ability to recognize foreshadowing and easter eggs, of course). before reading the books, i was like “okay here’s our bland heterosexual couple who obviously won’t last very long so why are you wasting my time trying to get me invested in their romance” and now i’m like “randgwene sweeties i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry an ugly ass bitch (past me) would say that oh my god.” when they were sitting on the mountain talking about the future and crying and holding each other, i broke. when rand turned to egwene in the middle of an argument and said he could never hate her, i broke. when they were standing in shadar logoth quietly holding hands and looking out at the city together, i broke. that last one especially, MAN the “‘you will never be lovelier than you are now. we will never be here again.’ -homer” -troy (2004) energy of that!!!! weeping on the floor. the development of their relationship in the show is going to be absolutely scrumptious.

maybe it’s also that the Heterosexual Nonsense of rand/min was so bad that it made the Heterosexual Nonsense of rand/egwene look wonderful in comparison dkfjg you never know you’re in the good old days until you’ve already left them.

that time when we all shipped mat and perrin for a hot minute! barney harris committed to the “mat is unrequitedly in love with perrin” angle with all his heart in that one scene, bless him. i remember thinking “oooh is this gonna be my ship?” but then they immediately got separated, rip, and instead cauthor came in to take center stage. i love how many “ships you never would’ve thought of in the books but are fire in the show” it served us (i was so onboard with ef4 polycule after watching s1 and then after reading the books i was like “wow i was crazy for that” but this rewatch is ensnaring me in it again!) and can’t wait to see that continue as we meet more characters. manifesting rand/gawyn finally getting recognized as the Messy Gay Angst goldmine it is.

time to talk about the depiction of male friendship in this show, which is very important to me! this was another one of the major things that struck me immediately when i started watching and contributed to that feeling of feeling At Home in this show. the open affection and tenderness between rand, mat, and perrin is so so wonderful to see!!! no toxic masculinity anywhere! they aren’t bros, they’re boy besties! i remember making a gifset of mat and perrin way back when and ALL the reblog tags were people being like “they felt more like friends in 5 minutes of the show than they ever did in 14 books” and i was like “what! how can that be! they are besties!” and now I Understand lmao. the deepening of relationships all around is one of the absolute standout aspects of the show (both in comparison to the books, and on its own merits - on my first watch, throughout the season the relationships were what kept getting me over and over again), and especially the relationships between the ef5. they all feel like close childhood friends, rather than the book vibe of “rand and mat are homoerotic besties, perrin is a third wheel who never thinks about either of them and vice versa, and egwene and nynaeve can’t be real friends with any of them because they are GIRLS”

moiraine waking up just to roast lan and then passing out again is simply iconic

the real reason mat didn’t get hoisted up is because he is a skinny twink who never would’ve been able to bust the door open from the other side. they needed beefcake rand for that one.

and then the episode ends with nynaeve threatening lan’s life, immediately into mashiara as the credits music, amazing showstopping spectacular

episode 3

i heard some whispering and what sounded to me like a magic-ish sound effect just before nynaeve grabbed the trolloc’s weapon in the pool, so i’m kinda wondering if she may have unknowingly channeled a bit there?

the string rhythm of the dragon reborn theme layered under the aes sedai theme when nynaeve emerges from the pool!!!! and i haven’t heard it in the show yet, but in the soundtrack version of the goldeneyes theme there’s also a portion with the dragon reborn string rhythm underneath! It Was About Them All!!!!!

crossing my fingers that mat will get some sort of Theme next season, and i wonder if the al’naito theme might eventually move from siuan to egwene. that would be neat!

can you tell that i have an obsession with soundtracks

this convo between mat and rand exemplifies beautifully the fact that they have 1 shared braincell, like:

rand: EGWEEEEEEEEEENE!!!!!!!!!!! mat: [current braincell possessor] stop hollering who knows what’s out there and can hear us. now, we need to find a way home- rand: [grabbing the braincell] but moiraine said the trollocs will come back if we do. we need to go to the white tower. mat: [grabbing the braincell back] how are we going to get there? just walk??? to the white tower???? rand: they say all roads lead there. mat: [wishing with all his heart that they had a second braincell at their disposal] that’s not how roads work.

perrin being frantic to light a fire and apologizing that he’s not doing it fast enough perfectly encapsulates his book vibe of trying to be the leader and feeling responsible for egwene’s safety, but without the weird condescending and patronizing dimension that his book attitude had.

love the visual contrast between strapping young lad rand strolling along with his preppy sheepskin coat and his massive sword (that’s what she said) and his massive bow (that’s also what she said) vs. weaponless coatless scrawny twink mat scrambling to keep up. rand knows he is on An Adventure, but mat just wants to be removed from the story.

“that’s not how roads work” / “the man who once walked while a little chilly” / “we’ll take turns” “if you think she’s up for it” / “if i wanted a man i could do better” it is just back to back to back iconic lines in rand and mat’s plotline this episode!

the closeup of rand during thom’s song about LTT and you can see tears in his eyes 😭😭

i like thom’s grittier silver fox blues singer show vibe. i feel like in eotw he was just a weird old man with weird vibes jkjfg

thom telling rand and mat to go up and perform if they think they could do a better job than him, don’t tease me with the loss of the cauthor gleeman era 😭 one of the things that definitely had to go, seeing as a) not enough time, b) it’s a symptom of eotw’s Sillier vibe that doesn’t fit tonally with the rest of the series, and for that reason i think i would’ve felt weird in the show, but i’ll always love it in the book.

baby rand’s surprised little distressed face when he realizes mat got robbed. he’s like “you really think someone would do that? go into a tavern and steal someone else’s wallet? :O”

dana trying to make mat get to his knees and beg her while rand watches, she was READY for that threesome. mat was also ready for that threesome. rand, get your head in the game!

what a scene. “isn’t she a bit young for you?” mat confirmed milf chaser “i make exceptions” bi mat rights “we’ll take turns” “if you think she’s up for it” mat unironically down for a threesome with rand, it’s just one thing after another!

mat immediately gets Mean because he’s embarrassed to have admitted he wanted to have a threesome with rand when it turns out that wasn’t what rand meant, that’s my interpretation

still blown away by “you don’t need to go there for her. she wouldn’t do it for you.” mat is IN LOVE with rand. the repressed years-long unrequited crush energy is OFF the charts.

mat when dana makes him serve drinks: i’m being forced to do work and i’m being SO brave about it

ahhhh this convo between mat and dana is so soooo good. obviously it sets up dana’s motivation for joining the shadow, but it also is a perfect little peek into/foreshadowing of mat’s character. his wistful expression when she talks about going someplace new where no one knows you to escape the dirt you were born in - his show backstory really deepens and grounds his yearning to get out of the two rivers and travel far away, by anchoring that in wanting to escape a painful home life rather than just thinking that life as a farmer is too boring and too much work, as is his reasoning in the books. but then he brushes the idea aside by saying he’s got people back home who need him - that is mat to a T, he seems like an irresponsible fool who only looks out for himself but when it comes down to it he always puts his loved ones first.

nynaeve being like “don’t be so sure i’ll stick around with moiraine if you ride away!” and lan just gives her a look like “uh-huh.” he’s already got her all figured out, he knows she can’t resist either a) healing someone who needs her help or b) doing anything for her kids, and he’s neatly snared her with both things.

re: perrin trying to be the leader and protect egwene, in addition to not feeling condescending like it does in eotw, it’s also explained by what happened to laila. the guilt of that is driving perrin to feel like he has to protect egwene and take risks in her stead, etc. as opposed to the book reason for it basically being “i must be the leader because i am the man here and thus it is my duty to protect the delicate flower accompanying me”

overall, the various backstory changes have been perfect for explaining character behavior/traits that in eotw are mostly just silly goose behavior.

i can’t find the post again for the life of me, but it is time to reference the world heritage post that was like “egwene and perrin’s roadtrip is like ‘do you want to talk about your trauma yet? no? okay’ and rand and mat’s is a bickering divorced couple where one got caught cheating”

haha i love egwene perfectly repeating aram’s whole spiel about the song and then perrin just quietly going “uh we don’t know the song” when it’s his turn, that is THEM

the camera cut to the MASSIVE pile of chopped wood next to rand djfkgj he really had to work out those feelings after mat was Mean to him

rand inviting a woman to drink alone with him in his bedroom at night and then being startled that she tries to kiss him, he’s a baby, please protect him! the eotw rand vibes coming through even though show!rand already fucks.

thom lists “asinine attitude” as a defining characteristic of people from the two rivers, bless

“he was murdered by cowards who feared something they didn’t understand” ahh the backstory of thom’s nephew really underscores why he’s so upset about the aiel here :( and since he’s saying this line to mat, dare i hope that show!mat may have a better initial reaction to learning rand can channel? tho i feel like it’s kinda central to his character arc that he does react badly. i will likely speak more on this when i get to episode 5 and The Promise.

the whole scene with the aiel is peak “feeling incredibly smug that i understand all these references now”

dana’s such a fantastic 1-episode character! great writing, great acting, great chemistry with both rand and mat. on first watch, the twist that she’s evil shook me to my core! super effective way to introduce the concept of darkfriends. whereas iirc our first darkfriends in eotw were people that had obvious shady vibes from the getgo, much more unsettling that dana starts off so friendly and likable and nonthreatening.

lmao i remember seeing someone who was mad that rand couldn’t get the better of dana in a fight when he’s much bigger and stronger than her (and a man, as was abundantly clear they Really meant), but rand is just a wee lad, he’s never had to fight anybody before, he doesn’t even know how to use that sword, it makes perfect sense that he would be scared and helpless in this situation. protect him!

rand’s little “we’re gonna leave now” after dana finishes her Villain Speech cracks me up every time jdkfjg he’s a BABY

episode 4

getting so pleased with myself every time they namedrop a location and i’m like “i know where that is!” djkfgj (so far, tear, caemlyn, and ghealdan - though ghealdan, when i watched the show the second time and they mentioned ghealdan in the 1x01 winespring gossip sesh i was like “i know ghealdan! that’s where logain is from!” and was also very pleased with myself then)

the corrupted weaves are THE SHIT they look soooooo cool!!!

i for one am apprehensive about the fact that they’re making changes to the look of weaves in s2 because i love how they are in s1, but we’ll see what it ends up looking like!

why did people get so up in arms about mistakenly thinking the show was trying to imply that logain saw nynaeve’s weaves when moiraine says IN THIS EPISODE that women can’t see men’s weaves, implying that the show intends to follow book lore and make the opposite true as well

“why did moiraine have a dog when dogs don’t like aes sedai!” is THE stupidest hill to die on jkfjg dogs hating women who can channel and cats hating men who can channel was one of the absolute stupidest and most unnecessary pieces of lore and i’m thrilled the show went out of its way to establish that it’s not the case in this version lmao

show!alanna is so pretty and so likable, aaaaaahhhhhhh

very glad that they’re actually using the battle ajah angle as the main characteristic of greens and the main reason people would choose to join, rather than the “greens love men and sex and sex with men” angle

super interesting that moiraine mentions women AND men have claimed to be false dragons

haha i don’t remember previously catching rand saying “wouldn’t it be easier to just ask?” when thom is making the plan to break into the farmhouse to sleep. rand doesn’t want to do crimes!

rand in the last episode making constant snarky comments about how mat always dips out of work vs. in this episode when mat dips out of work, rand’s just worried because he can tell mat’s unwell 🥺

mat with kids 😭😭 the birgitte doll 😭😭 man i’m so sad that the doll got left behind at the farm, imagine if mat had kept it the whole time, promising himself he would be able to give it to his sisters someday, and then he meets birgitte herself and is like “hey i have a doll of you” and she’s like “what the fuck” jkjfg

rand: mat’s not an idiot me: wow Romance..........

the full line is him saying that mat would tell him if he could channel because he’s not an idiot, so rand just roasted himself djkfg

rand’s face when thom’s reply to this is that owyn knew all the stories about how men who could channel will go mad “and still he lied to me” 😭😭😭

look at show!perrin being happy to see egwene have a good time dancing with the tuatha’an! book!perrin take notes. he is definitely the character that was most improved by the show so far. remind me to talk about this more in my post on the second half of the series when we get to min.

i tear up during the way of the leaf speech every time. so so well done!!! standout scene!!

egwene saying she’d know if rand was dead and it’s explicitly meant to be romantic, meanwhile in the books rand and mat BOTH say at various points that they would know if the other was dead, even BEFORE they start having their psychic ta’veren connection 👀👀

“the leaf doesn’t fight the wind. sometimes the wind blows away from the tree.” that’s such a perfect line for egwene and the journey she’s going to go on and how she ends up being the one of the ef5 who leaves home furthest behind, aaaaaHHHH

AND WE GET TO “i’m here. you know that, right? no matter what happens, i’m here.” MY CAUTHOR ORIGIN STORY!!! the moment my brain chemistry was altered forever! let us recall one of my earliest tags on a cauthor post (tho now that i’ve sifted through the archives to find it i see that the post was actually from the next episode):

joke’s on me, i never did end up shifting out of cauthor mode!

anyway, rand blows out the candle so that he can have privacy to cuddle with mat, we all know it

also, on my second watch i lost my mind at that shot of rand’s face behind the candle as he’s about to blow it out because!!!! it’s a candle before the raging sun!!!!

ooh mat’s dagger vs. the fade is a good way to set up the concept that the evil of mashadar and the evil of the shadow are enemies (oh and they did show that trollocs are afraid to enter shadar logoth, of course)

backstory change explaining character behavior strikes again: nynaeve losing her parents at a young age and being taken in by emond’s field despite not having been born there is likely why she feels so fiercely attached to her found family, exemplified by how determined she is to get the ef4 back.

love the battle against logain’s army! great choice to show what aes sedai/channelers in general can do in battle right in the first season.

not to harp on about the missing music snippets but dammit there’s a beautiful sad choral version of the aes sedai theme as the battle is going badly, i want it lorne 😭

nynaeve’s power blast is another thing that makes me tear up every time!!!! like a raging sun!!!!! (which, speaking of the soundtrack, is the best track out of the whole thing.) i remember my jaw was on the floor the first time i watched that, as soon as the episode was over i instantly went back to watch the scene again.

update to add: i’m so glad they made nynaeve way more powerful than logain and are seemingly going to do away with the whole “on average men are stronger than women in the power” which is so stupid and creates a needless male-advantage inequality (once saidin is cleansed). i think there’s supposed to be a flipside that women are more........dexterous with their weaves or something? but whatever the flipside is was so irrelevant in the books that i can’t even remember what it is. i hope they also make it so that either men and women can both sense each other channeling or that neither can, as it’s also a needless male-advantage inequality that they can sense women but women can’t sense them. and also that male channelers who are bonded as warders can’t be compelled by the bond, but female channelers can. these things worked to balance it out while saidin was tainted, but once it was cleansed, it tipped the channeling scales over towards favoring men (and contributed to my overall feeling of a progression from an equal society into a patriarchy during the second half of the series, kicked off by the aes sedai being forced to kneel to rand and the asha’man at dumai’s wells and exemplified by an increase in men in positions of power and previously-powerful women having to submit to men’s authority - the aes sedai with rand, the wise ones with perrin, etc.)

[aprikosenklang]

Review: Avatar: The Last Airbender Live Action

First, some context: I started watching A:TLA when book 2 was airing. Since then, I watched it at least 10 times. Half of it in German and half of it in English. The last time was in 2020. I know a lot of lines by heart—yes in both languages. Zuko was my fist teenage crush and Oncle Iroh’s quotes helped my through a lot of dark times in my life. I might be biased because I love the original series a lot. But I try to reason everything carefully.

The Good

I loved it visually! Bending looked so cool and never felt out of place or weird. All of the shown places could be recognized in a blink. It was beautiful to see this world adapted in a realistic way.

The casting was mostly done perfect. A lot of the characters looked a lot like I would have imagine them.

The Kiyoshi Warriors were really awesome. Especially Suki—even though she didn’t got a name at all?!

I loved the addition with the 41st devision. It gave Zuko‘s crew actually a reason the respect him and fitted to his character and backstory.

Zuko and Iroh give the same energy as in the original. Usually this wouldn’t be something to mention, since I would expect this from and adaption. But due to issues you can read further below, I have to mention it. Zuko and Iroh might be one of the few characters that never felt out of character. I’m happy we got those two true to original at least.

The Bad

Since there is so much, I structure it even further into story, production and costumes.

Story:

I didn’t liked any of the story changes. I don’t even understand why they had to tangle all the storylines. The original book 1 is 20 episodes each about 20-25 minutes—which results in 400-500 minutes in total. The live action had 8 episodes each about 45 minutes to an hour—let’s say about 400-450 minutes in total. So basically, they could have taken the timeline as is is. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t advocate for a 1:1 adaption here. I just don’t get why they saw the need to tangle storylines, pull in things from later seasons and leave out important scenes, places, character traits and even whole characters. Each and every story change felt out of place, out of character and over all pointless. Nothing added anything that made sense. Just like it was changed because they had to change something.

Aang didn’t even learn water bending!!! Like what is the whole season even about if the main character doesn’t have a real character arc? All he does is having guilt over disappearing for 100 years. Yes that’s also a thing he has to overcome. But it is just half of it. And he even doesn’t really get over it. He has none of his childish fun moments like he does in the original.

Why did Sokka have SOOO much screen time?!?! Sometimes it felt like he‘s the protagonist of the series. Especially with Aang not even learning water bending.

Momo in contrast had like 0 screen time. But than in the last episode when he became important as plot device Sokka was weirdly attached to him.

Katara being her own master made it pointless to actually go to the northern water tribe. Yes there was Aang's vision. But in the original the plot is not mainly driven by what the fire nation does, but by what team avatar needs to do. Like… Aang learning bending!!!

We didn’t get the epic intro we could have. It felt like they tried to make up for it in the first episode. But having three different versions of the epic lines and finally Gran Gran dropping the original ones was actually the worst. It felt forced and as if she would read them out.

Everything regarding Azula was sooo off for me. She felt like a completely different character with other motivations and struggles. I wish she would not have been so present in the first season.

Uncle Iroh drank not enough tea. Lol. This is maybe a personal one and I cannot reason it to be honest.

I‘m disappointed by the Lu Ten moment. Fist of all, why did it need to be in season one?! But also: It was a bonding moment for Zuko and Iroh. It didn’t payed any respect for Lu Ten in my opinion. And leaves from the wine was barely noticeable and didn’t make feel anything.

Katara never lost her necklace. Which I don’t mind. But it made a huge plot hole for the headhunter Zuko hired. They tried to cover it with randomly finding a piece of fabric. But how did they know this belonged to the Avatar? This change feels similar to the one with the water bending scroll. Important things just become meaningless.

Agni Kai was once mentioned but never explained. If I didn’t know what an Agni Kai is from the original series, this would probably be either the most missed or confusing thing.

Hei Bai was never healed!!! Yeah sure, Aang saved the villagers. But what about the forest and spirit?! And why was there no winter solstice? And in general why did everything in the spirit world was so all over the place?

The siege of the Nothern water tribe being a distraction for Omashu is stupid. It would take them way too long to hear about it. So they would not be able to send troops there by time and it would not weaken them in any way.

The world feels super flat and boring. Because they tangled so many story lines, they got rid of a lot of places. No fire nation prison in the earth kingdom, no nothern air temple, almost no villages. You never get a change to explore the world and learn about the ordinary people.

Production:

The directing felt bad. A lot of people say, the acting was bad. But I don’t agree. First of all, a lot of the cast were children. I think it is not fair to judge them so easily and hard. In my opinion the directing wasn’t good. And you could tell because even the older and more experienced actors were really stiff.

The dialogs were almost always awkward. This adds to the previous point and is another sign that the acting isn’t the problem. The lines were sometimes random, jokes felt forced and original lines never made the same impact as in the animated series.

Some of the CGI green screen backgrounds were awful. They reminded you that this is a show which really pulled me out of the immersion.

Costumes:

The costumes felt lifeless. They could have added so much details to the garments and accessories. But of all things they decided to stick to the original with the costume design?! I expected the outfits to be a lot more toned down in brightness too. That’s something you need in an animated series, but not in a live action. So much missed potential.

Why could they not cast old people for old characters? All of them looked so stale, emotionless and almost uncanny.

I was sooo disappointed by Yue! Maybe I’m biased here, because she was one of my favorite characters of book one. But somehow she was the only character that didn’t felt casted perfectly. And especially her hair was awful and looked like a cheap wig.

Conclusion

Overall, I‘m disappointed. Again, I didn’t expected a 1:1 adaptation. But I don’t see that the same care was put into it like it was for the original. I would have wanted to have something that creates similar emotions and an overall known feeling. But it doesn’t. It’s confusing, flat and carelessly made. I can definitely see why the original creators stepped back from it.

If you think about watching it, I would recommend you the original. Especially because it is not that much longer. So better invest your time wisely.

[whovianwatchingstartrek]

A Whovian Watches Star Trek for the First Time: Part 070 - The Corruption of Archer

Star Trek: Enterprise - Season 3 Episode 19 - Damage

Continuing right on from where we left off, our crew is in a rather dire position. I think this is the most damage that Enterprise has taken, at least outside of Alter timeline quantum parasite shenanigans. But suddenly: The Xindi withdraw for reasons unknown. My first thought was that Archer had given over the information the Xindi wanted, but after the intro it turns out the Xindi Council had ordered it. They've also arranged to take Archer out of the Reptilians hands. It would appear Archer's gambit of Degra has payed off.

Meanwhile on Enterprise, all hands are on Deck to make repairs. The Warp engines are destroyed, so they have to limp away from Azati Prime on Impulse. I love how broken the ship feels here. Sparks are flying, debris is everywhere, the medical bay is full. The ship really does feel like it's taken a beating.

Instead of being transported to the Xindi council however, it appears the Aquatic Xindi have been ordered to take Archer back to Enterprise. It would also appear however, that T'Pol is succumbing to the effect that Trellium D has on the Vulcans. The show choses to bring it into focus right way, but even afterwards, T'Pol's actress is amazing having it's effect subtly come through in her performance in later scenes that don't focus on it. We also learn later that this was less the direct effects of exposure to Trellium D, but rather it seems she's becoming addicted to it. A drug addiction allegory seems like it's come out of nowhere, but I'm willing to see where this goes. Between the her SA allegory, the AIDs allegory and now this, it does feel like they've been putting every 90's talking point onto one character. She does have an honest conversation about it with Phlox though

During the repairs, there are a few really good crew interactions I like. Travis's reassurance to Hoshi that "We are getting home" was great. Archer and Phlox also had a great scene in Archer's quarters, talking about ethics as both doctors and Captains, as Archer considers stealing another ship's warp coil by force. This appears to be the turning point in the whole corruption arc that was hinted at early in the season. The way this conversation was shot, with the lighting keeping Phlox in the dark and out of focus was beautiful. Archer is going down a dark path, and I'm really interested to see if he can make it out the other side without becoming a villain.

The action scene aboard the alien ship during Archer's attempt at Piracy, while T'Pol was trying to keep both ships alive was brilliant. Plus we got a nice scene of Phlox and T'pol have a nice seen of friendship together, and it's really great seeing Phlox become her confidant.

This episode was a lot more interesting that the other main plot episodes. I like that we're properly launching into Archer having to make these Morally Dubious decisions. He's made a few before, but this is the first time the episode hasn't been treating him as if he's right, and I'm excited to see where his character arc goes.

[highfantasy-soul]

NATLA - Episode 4: Into the Dark (2/3)

[Masterlist of my NATLA thoughts]

An explanation of what I'm doing here and my history with ATLA.

Of course, full spoilers ahead.

<previous/next>

Love how Jet's attitude mirrors Bumi's and the Earth Kingdom soldier's struggles: "Here, you have to make hard decisions. That's what it means to fight a war." And Katara's rebuttal to that theme: "You've forgotten what you're fighting for" bitterness and hate filling your heart will lead you down a path that's not helping people, only causing more harm to the world.

This is so in line with the animated series as Aang struggles with how to end the war - everyone has to decide where the line is and what's necessary to save the world. It's not as simple as 'killing is wrong' and most don't have the power of the Avatar to make their problems disappear. Jet, Bumi, and the Earth Kingdom soldier are right: they have been forced to make impossible choices and compound that with the trauma they've been living for their entire lives (and the generational trauma of a 100 year war), you will see parts of yourself you don't like, but you justify. That's why Aang is so important to come into this time - he doesn't have that baggage - he remembers a happier world where everyone had friends spanning the different nations. The people of this time have no such memories, no such hope, and like the intro says: only the Avatar has the power to bring balance back to the world. 

I think it worked really well moving Zuko's journey in the Winter Solstice two-parter from the cartoon to this episode. Having him need to decide whether he's going to rescue his uncle or go after the Avatar doesn't need to happen at a certain point in the story, so inserting it here worked really well - especially since Iroh gave himself up to save Zuko. It hits the same story beats as the animated version, but ties it into the cohesive plot more. In the animated series, Zuko is already chasing after those who took Iroh as there's nothing else for him to do - making it so that he has the option to go after the Avatar or his uncle puts that choice directly in front of him which I think makes a stronger character moment.

In the animated show, I always felt like Iroh's involvement as a general in the fire nation army and his siege on Ba Sing Se wasn't taken as seriously as it should have been.

In episode 7 (Part 1 of the winter solstice two-parter), Iroh seems to be making jokes about the siege and flippantly complaining about just being tired, that's why he abandoned the attack. While we know from later seasons that his son died during the siege, the watcher of the animated version is primed to side with Iroh and see the Earth Kingdom soldier as the antagonist who doesn't have any good reasons for arresting Iroh. I like that the live-action took this scene and made it poignant and showed that Iroh DID do terrible things that aren't anything to be brushed aside. His action directly led to the deaths of thousands and the suffering of more in the city and the Earth Kingdom soldiers are extremely justified in their hatred of him.

As with the animated version, Iroh doesn't apologize for the siege but he doesn't fully minimize it either. His 'it was war' comment is a weak defense of his actions, but we get more of the sense that he's allowing the Earth Kingdom soldier to hate him as atonement for what he's done rather than trying to apologize. In the animated show, Iroh's whole attitude when he's captured and escaping really doesn’t fit the tone of 'this war criminal is trying to change his ways because he realized what he did was wrong' it more feels like the watcher is supposed to 'agree' that the Earth Benders are bad and should be 'put in their place' for daring to capture a war criminal.

It did give me pause when Iroh was making it seem like the Earth Kingdom soldier's treatment of him was equivalent to his own siege of the city. If I caught the general who was responsible for all that pain and colonization, yeah, I'd be pretty mean to him too and no, I don't think that would make me a bad person, but idk, maybe I'm just built different. We didn't accept Jet's argument that 'you gotta make hard decisions in war' and he's a kid fighting with nothing - so why would we accept the "it was war, I was a soldier" excuse from a ROYAL MILITARY GENERAL???

It is consistent with how Iroh treated the soldiers in the animated as less than him, so it's an 'eeehhhh idk if I like that' but also, it is canon accurate, so idk. I'm glad they left out the part where Iroh tricks the soldier into burning himself - after the serious tone and actual consequences of the siege were brought up, it would have looked really bad on Iroh's character to trick the man into hurting himself - same as with the stuff with June, it would have been some iffy character choices that I'm glad the live-action chose to pass on. I do like him leaving a lotus tile for Zuko instead of just his sandal - a nice nod to us who know the significance of the tile.

Everything about the funeral scene was amazing - we get to see how Iroh is viewed now in the Fire Nation: yes, he was the heir to the throne and a great general, but like Iroh said at the beginning - Ozai only views the world through the lens of 'victory or defeat' - Iroh abandoning the siege was 'defeat' and therefore, he is less than. The whole nation now views him as a 'coward'. The family line of "oh Liu Ten's death is an honor and you should be proud" is all Ozai offers, but Zuko comes back to give a real comfort - a kind and gentle memory of Liu Ten rather than one of war. And oh my freaking gosh, when Zuko goes to sit beside Iroh so he's not alone - damn you tears! Leaves from the Vine playing in the background was just a beautiful touch. It's heartbreaking to see Zuko showing so much compassion here, and then later, when he rescues Iroh, he chastises Iroh for showing compassion himself as by this point, Ozai has told him 'compassion is weakness' and scarred him for it.