#and as someone who worked at chuck e cheese for a long ass time

[conspicuous-clown-car]

considering how fnaf was based off of chuck e cheese, them doing this sly 'fnaf but not legally fnaf' cash grab just proves my point of how spot on scott cawthon was with making fazbear entertainment a shitty company. CEC Entertainment really is that bad

[digifag]

hey guys whats up im werewolfautism back with another minecraft mod showcase and today we're reading marios epic adventures in viagra by [data expunged]

so the plot summary is :

mario's wife leaves him and takes both the kids and his dick's ability to work in the divorce. he's left incredibly depressed about this until he meets a certain twitch streamer and minecraft speedrunner. please read this in the voice of rohan kishibe from jojo's bizarre adventure: diamond is unbreakable. it adds to the experience.

now let's jump into this heart emoji

it had been ten long, long years since mario's ex wife, charles cheese, left him. charles had slid the papers across the table of his establishment and sighed.

"mario," he began. "our marriage has been a pain in my child-friendly ass. you've made me so miserable over these last few years." charles gestured around the building; it was a complete mess, with papers and pizza strewn about. a clear sign of a failing marriage. "we can't keep doing this. you can't keep coming in this way and expecting me to clean up after you."

he was right, of course. mario had developed a habit of coming into chuck e. cheese: kids birthday parties, pizza & arcade games like a tornado and leaving charles to pick up the pieces, night after night. it was clear charles was getting tired of arguing and deep cleaning the restaurant so frequently from the very beginning, but mario was always a bit too selfish and a bit too blind to see how exasperated his wife was becoming. on many occasions, charles would throw napkins and paper plates away more aggressively than usual and rant about how his own life partner shouldn't be treating him this way.

"i'm not a housewife, mario, i'm a person too. we're supposed to be equals in this marriage, but you won't even look at me." even as charles spoke, mario was still avoiding his eyes. it was all he could do anymore. he couldn't bare to see someone he loved look so hurt, disappointed, and betrayed.

that was the end. after the divorce paperwork was filled out, there was no more sharing a house or bed, no more coming home to each other or cooking dinner together, and no more chuck e. cheese visits. all charles asked was to keep his business and his children, but the jury ruled that mario should never procreate again. thus, the functioning of his dick was taken from him by the court of italy.

mario took to dating apps and online forums to find love after his heart was broken, but never had any luck. he quickly learned that no woman wanted to be with a divorced man under six feet tall, let alone one who was previously married to famous rat charles entertainment cheese. any time he got his hopes up, they were crushed by the realization that the only women who showed any sign of true interest were either catfishes or robots looking to steal his money.

everything changed when he made the decision to expand his ocean and adopt a new worldview, in the form of opening his heart to men. suddenly, he was going on his fair share of dates with men who seemed to wholeheartedly believe he was funny and interesting; men who enjoyed his company. still, though, his relationships would always fail when these men learned his dick didn't function correctly and never would again, regardless of what they tried.

he tried his luck at going to therapy for a while, even going as far as to see a shrink, but everyone he saw claimed he was just too boring to bother treating. doctors sat him down and told him his dick would never work again, no matter what. they all advised against trying anymore, telling him to just give up.

just when he was close to giving up, to uninstalling every dating app he had and deleting every account he had created on forums, he matched with a peculiar looking green man. none of the pictures on his profile showed his face, only a plain white mask with a smile and, typically, a bright green hoodie. his description was rather bare, listing only an age, a location, and the line "that's what the mask is." mario was immediately infatuated with the mystery man, and messaged him immediately.

the two messaged back and forth for hours on end before settling for exchanging phone numbers and closing the app. mario learned that the mystery man was actually a fairly popular minecraft streamer named dream, who was known for his speedruns, manhunts, and multiplayer server. they eventually arranged to meet up and have lunch together at a nice little restaurant in florida. conveniently, mario was in the area anyway for a particularly tricky plumbing job.

when the day finally arrived, mario put on his finest pair of overalls and combed his mustache.

"you've-a got-a this," he told his reflection. "let's-a go!"

finding the restaurant was a bit trickier than he anticipated, given that it was partially hidden by other buildings and tucked away in an odd corner of the city. usually, this would've been a red flag, but dream insisted he had been there before and their food was "an absolute banger." it was a quaint place, with a neat array of tables and a vibrant red trim around the entire interior. looking around, mario could tell their main menu item was most likely pizza.

dream arrived not long after, dressed in his usual mask and hoodie, though he seemed very upbeat in spite of the strange looks he was getting. he took his seat quickly and greeted mario warmly.

"it's so nice to meet you in person," dream said, pulling his chair a bit further into the table. he lowered his voice and leaned in, "i know you told me about the whole situation, and i want you to know it won't change how this date goes. i couldn't care less if your dick works or not. we're here to have pizza and get to know each other."

they chatted until the waiter came by to take their orders, and decided to split an anchovy pizza between themselves.

"i didn't think-a you'd be so tall in-a person," mario said between bites.

dream laughed. "well, it's all in the genes, y'know? i'm just built different, i guess."

after a while, the topic shifted to hobbies. they both knew what the other did for a living, but their texts never really breached the subject, mostly focusing on discussing minecraft and the messy ways their own past relationships ended.

"i do a lot of minecraft speedruns and get in a lot of controversy on twitter," dream explained. "last time, i forgot to disable some shit and apparently my rates for ender pearl trades were 'too high,' according to twitter antis, so my run was void. it's dumb as hell, man."

"it sounds-a like people just-a want a reason to hate-a you," mario replied.

"ha! yeah, probably, i mean- hey, when you're rich and famous, everyone wants to be you, yeah?" he laughed again. "bet they're just mad i won't fuck 'em."

mario went silent for a while, deep in thought. would dream even be interested in him? he had made it clear all he wanted was to know mario better, but that fact did nothing to stop his mind from wandering.

dream dropped his pizza and tilted his head up at mario. "hey, you good? i didn't offend you, did i?" he asked.

"no, no, you're-a fine. i think-a this pizza might-a be a bit bad."

dream glanced down at it, staring for a moment, and nodded. "we can get out of here and go back to my place, if you want. i can lend you a ride and everything."

"that would-a be nice."

[captainlevisteacup]

All Characters, the Nicknames MC has For Them, and the Events That Follow: A Wholly Unnecessary Thread

Warnings: None, unless you count demon boys being butthurt about being called out

Enjoy my stupidity!

Lucifer👿🖤🥀☕🍷

Luci

Pridey Pants

Gordon Ramsey of Life

Mom

Loosen-up Luci

Jesus's emo brother

*cough* Daddy *cough*

The results of these nicknames....they were not pretty. MC calls him Luci? He doesn't LOVE it. Does that small scary smile that MC knows (or should know) not to push.

Pridey pants...ohhh boy. MC says it at dinner....is absolutely terrified when he doesnt do anything. After dinner, follows MC into the hallway to dole out *ahem* punishment

Beel is the only one to understand the Gordon Ramsey one. Starts booming laughter

Mom. Oho. This is the second worst. Happened when MC asked Luci to pass them a steak knife. Ended up with the knife being thrown into the table, inches from MC's hand.

Ah. The worst one. Jesus's emo brother. He doesnt even know where to begin. The brothers AND Diavolo have to SPRINT away to keep from cackling like crazed lunatics. Simeon is the only one who openly laughs. Kitchen duty for 2 months. Absolutely worth it. Would do it again without hesitation.

Mammon💛💵💰💳

Mammory Gland

Finding Nemo Seagull (Mine! Mine!)

Crow

Tan Elsa

Greedo

General Greedous

"Ehhhhh? What's a mammary gland?"

*muffled Satan laughter*

Mc has to explain the crow one, because apparently it isnt common knowledge that crows love shiny things?

Tan Elsa. Levi was crying when this one slipped out of MC's mouth. All Mammon could do was be offended. After much, MUCH coaxing, reluctantly agreed to dance to "Let it Go" in a dress.

Levi💜🐍🎮🕹

Has a thing for degradation, so you can really only insult him with anime stuff

Levi Heichou (if you get this, we can be friends)

Leviathan the lonely

Snake man

Mermaid Boy

Snekky snek

Levia-hand

He could ignore all of them.....except for

LEVIA-HAND

I mean come on!

"MC did you really have to go there? That was really-"

"Below the belt?"

"UGH MCCCCC"

*distant suggestive Asmo noises*

Satan💚💢📚

Angry bean

Grumpy kitty

Nerd

Angry librarian

Blond, angsty James Charles

Fashion disaster

There isn't a single one of these that DOESNT make Satan want to break something.

Who is James Charles? Fashion disaster?! "I happen to dress very nicely, thank you very much"

"How am I a librarian? I just read, it's very different, honestly MC"

Refuses to even acknowledge "grumpy kitty"

Asmodeus😘💋❤💅

Asmo-dick-us

Ass-mo

Momo

Polly Pocket

The kinky one

*jokingly* slutttttt

He, surprisingly, doesn't mind any of them. He thinks it's really cute that MC has nicknames for him. He always encourages you to call him them more often, and even makes a bunch of them for MC. His favorite one is Momo, because:

"Its just so cuuuuuuute!"

Beel🥺🍔💪🏻

Sexy Vacuum man

The last Weasley

Snack Buddy

Hungry Bean

Un-beel-eavable

These all make the boy SO HAPPY

MC cares enough to make nicknames for him?

*happy Beel noises*

Wait. MC thinks he's sexy?😳

What's a Weasley?

He has a snack buddy?☺☺☺

Belphie🙁💭💤🛏

Sloth man

Sleepyhead

That bastard with a choking kink

Killer grip

The emo twin

Black Sheep

"I woke up like this" master

He wants to be mad. He really does. But there's a problem: he can't argue with ANY of them. Kinda makes him smile just a LITTLE

Is glad MC has forgiven him enough to actually JOKE about the choking incident.

Spends a lot of time trying to get someone to explain what "emo" means. Levi knows what it means, and refuses to tell him because he thinks its funnily accurate

Dia👑💮🔥

Double D Dia

Big Tiddy Divvy

King of the Boobs

Díablo

Milk man

Firehead

The rich, gay uncle

There isnt a single minute he doesn't find these hysterical. He thinks it's a charming human world custom, to give someone a nickname. He also thinks it shows how comfortable with him MC is.

His favorite is easily DD Dia. Mc noticed his body? *smirk* interesting

Why are so many of them boob related? MC does realize he is a male, right?

The rich, gay uncle. Diavolo has no words. Absolutely shook.

Lucifer overheard some of these...was appalled MC was harassing the PRINCE with their ridiculous nicknames.

He was about to go off on a terrified MC, when Diavolo stepped in laughing and told Lucifer....

"Calm down, Mom."

Mc nearly choked on their own suppressed laughter

Barbatos had to quickly usher them away so MC could openly laugh and therefore breathe

Barbatos 🧐👀🐀🕓

Barbie

Simply one hell of a butler

Sebas-chan

Time warp man

Chuck E Cheese

The cake maker

Understands every single reference, is actually surprisingly cool with it, as long as MC doesn't embarrass him with it.

Diavolo catches wind of what MC is calling Barbaties, eventually starts adopting the nicknames

The only one Barbatos doesn't like is "Chuck E Cheese", because he hates rats so so much. How dare they compare him to one of those disgusting creatures?

Simeon🌙🤍🌹🌈

Boomer

Dad joke central

Beautiful man

Sinful shoulders

Angel Dad

Sin-ammon Roll

Simeon can't decide between being flattered or appalled. He's not THAT old. Nor is he a father! Well, maybe more of a father figure in regards to Luke, but still! He doesn't tell THAT many dad jokes.. right?

Blushes intensely at Beautiful man and Sinammon roll. Wonders if MC really means that or is just teasing him.

Eventually he makes the stupid decision to ask Asmo....wrong move. Asmo ends up laying out all of Simeon's desires towards MC, the week following he can't even look MC in the face. MC has no clue what happened and starts to think it was their fault.

They confront Simeon about it after a while, and Simeon full on breaks and confesses to MC

Asmo takes full credit for this happening

Solomon😑🖤💫🧙🏻‍♂️

Shady Lady

The sus one

Kinky dude

Draco malfoy

Doesn't mind MC having insulting nicknames for him....he has them too. Starts swapping them with MC to see who can make the other laugh harder.

Sometimes, the brothers will sit in and listen while they exchange them, and they'll keep score and vote on who wins

Eventually, Diavolo and Simeon get involved

Barbatos caters these events

Luke😇👶🏼🌸🧁

Baby angel

Son

Woof

Puppy

Little doggo

The poor boy has no idea which one he hates more. Gets so flustered whenever MC calls him one of these that his whole face turns red

Simeon tells him its adorable every time without fail

This makes Luke even worse. All MC has to do is call Luke one of the names and its fair game for Luke hunting

The only one he actually...kind of...likes is Son. He likes the idea of MC as a parent figure.

Which leads him to realize: what if MC and Simeon got together! Then MC WOULD be his parent

Gets Solomon and Barbatos to help bring MC and Simeon together

They end up bombarding the two with an obnoxious Valentine's day-esque cake

Did it work?

[just-shipgirl-thoughts]

Cooking tips for cooking for yourself

1st tip: You eat food because of hunger, not because it looks good.

Sure, presentation can certainly add to the dish, but you're cooking for yourself here, not a restaurant. Just put the shit in the thing and cook it, then eat. There, done, end of. My advice for when the fridge is running low is to make an excess to store while you wait for payday to go grocery shopping. A little leftover stir fry has saved me from crippling hunger on more than one occassion.

______

2nd tip: Don't have the motivation to make a meal? Yeah, me too. Do you have cheese? Do you have ham? If so, grab a fistful of that shit and stuff it in your mouth. You don't have to make a full sandwich, although that is tastier. The most important part is satisfying your hunger.

______

3rd tip: Get. Salt. Mass amounts of it. Trust me. Go to the store, grab a big ass box it (Preferably cheap) and stuff it in your cupboard (If you have one). A little bit of it in a meal goes a long, long way.

______

4th tip: EGGS! Get some. Learn how to make one, either by trial and error, or by watching a video, anything works. You might not get it well the 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 30th, but eventually you will get it. I believe in you. Fried or scramble is easy, tastes good and takes minimal effort. They're cheap, tasty and very easy to find.

______

5th tip: Find a go-to cooking channel to watch when in need of some new recipes. Mine is Adam Ragusea over on youtube, his food is cheap, easy and most importantly made at home without the need for specialized ingredients or tools. Find a channel that suits you.

______

6th tip: If you need help, ASK FOR IT! There is absolutely no shame in having someone help you cook. Anybody who tells you different can go chuck it. Tell them that they are going to go hungry next time you cook for others, see how quickly they stop complaining.

______

7th tip: There are so, so many posts on here and other sites with much better advice than I can give, go find those.

______

8th tip: Know what kind of pan you're using. The difference between cast iron and stainless steel is pretty big. There are numerous videos on topic, go watch them to see what I mean.

______

9th tip: Kitchen maintenance is one of the biggest pains in the arse but it is oh so very important. If you skip out on it something will eventually break, and replacing a tool like a good knife or pan is expensive. I would suggest this video.

______

10th tip: Good quality pan and knife. There are some thing you just cannot cheap out on and these things are on of them. Make sure to pay attention to any buildup or damage to them, and watch videos on how to maintain them. You want these things to last a few years, as a good stainless steel pan can cost at least above 150$ and knifes can be just as if not more than that (Cast iron pans are much, much less expensive because of the simpler manufacturing process but are also much harder to maintain. Keep that in mind).

______

11th tip: Find a relative to help teach the basics. Dad, mom, aunt, uncle, friend or foe, couldn't care less, just fucken find S O M E O N E. If all alone like me, take to the internet and ask for help.

______

12th: Cooking oil is very important. It really helps. A nice generous coating can help with the stickier shit and enhance flavor. If you don't have any, fret not. Butter also works very well.

______

13th: Budgeting. One of if not THE most goddamn important things in a kitchen, be it at home or in a business. Find a friend or trusted person to help crunch numbers. Calculators work as well.

______

14th: Going into it with the "You know what, fuck this. Fuck that. FUCK IT!" mindset and just trying my damn best usually works with me, find whichever one gives you the most motivation.

_____

Alright, that about does it. Anything you can tack on, please do. I am a minor who mainly just eats shitty microwaveables so please any adults or people who are better at cooking than I am that see this, correct any misinformation and add stuff of your own, either via reblog or the notes.

[ricksroaches]

Namjoon - Dysphoria ch. 3

pairing: Yoongi x Reader, OT7 x Reader (platonic)

Summary: As a last resort, Namjoon tells his strict, overbearing father something that isn’t exactly true. He ends up having to find a way to prove his bluff.

Notes: Namjoon is also a junior. Jungkook and Taehyung are sophomores, Jimin, Y/N, and Namjoon are juniors, and Hoseok and Yoongi are seniors. Jin has graduated but still hangs out w them.

word count: 5.4k

warnings: cursing, mentions of drug use, mentions of mental hospitalization

Prev chapter Next chapter

Perfection.

The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines perfection as: freedom from fault or defect.

Perfection was the standard held over Namjoon’s head since the day he could walk. His dad expected perfection. Not excellence, no. Excellence has the stain of room for error. Perfection was pure, unscathed by failure. Freedom from fault or defect. And he accepted nothing less. He was obsessive. His mom always said that’s where he got it from.

When Namjoon was 13, he stayed up all night binge watching Star Wars. He didn’t mean to, the time just flew by. What he forgot though, was an Algebra unit test he had that day. He snuck a cup of coffee from the pot and felt tip top, but by the time 5th hour came around, he was dying. You know that feeling when your in class dozing in and out and time kinda warps and every time you blink, 10 minutes have gone by? It’s also not easy to think about quadrilaterals and Euclidean triangle proofs while your at it.

He made a C. He never scored less than an A. Ever. He was sure his fate was sealed. The walk home alone had his palms sweating.

Namjoon remembered a lot of screaming that night. At him, his mom, his brother. No one was safe. Even long after they’d been sent to bed, he could hear their shouts, muffled by the walls. Sleep didn’t come to him that night either.

Naturally, he grew to resent his dad, but then strive for his approval at the same time. All that stress festered into rage. The kind that would put the fear of God in anyone. It scared him, and he was smart enough to know he needed to do something about it. Every time he felt that twinge, that compulsive urge to bash someone’s head in, he’d do push-ups. 10 turned to 20, 20 turned to 50, 50 turned to 100.

By 14, he had developed a strict diet and workout schedule. His body fat dropped from 23% to 10%.

He joined the football team by his dads wishes as a freshman and quickly excelled. By sophomore year, he was not only the starting quarterback, but the team captain. His IQ and OCD allowed him to see patterns in the other team’s offense that others were too brain damaged to notice. He was basically the team’s strategist and often took the coach’s job of giving the rundown before games.

He loved to win. He loved the endless cheers and adoration they showered him with. None of that, however, could compare to the feeling of seeing his dad watching in the stands with a proud, contained smile. His dad’s approval wasn’t Namjoon’s driving force. It was the wrath that he’d do anything to be spared from.

Beads of sweat were blown from Namjoon’s forehead as he sprinted around the track surrounding the school football field. His heart hammered in his chest and his legs begged for rest, but he needed to make exactly 7 laps without stopping or he had to start all over again.

He could see the finish line inching closer in the distance and he pumped his legs even harder to go even faster until he sped over the thick white line. With a parting ‘fuck you,’ his muscles went slack and he collapsed into the grass. He couldn’t hear himself think over the all consuming sound of his heart thundering in his ears and him gasping for air.

Once his pulse slowed to a non frightening pace, he pulled the hem of his jersey up to wipe the sweat from his eyes. He laid his arm over his face to shield his eyes from the afternoon sun and let his body sink further into the grass.

He thought he fell asleep, because the light reaching through his eyelids faded, and he couldn’t feel the cancer waves beating down on his arm. Confused, he peeked under his arm-“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!”

Y/N was standing at his side staring down at him. He didn’t fall asleep, he was just laying in the long shadow she cast. “What the fuck what are you fucking Annabelle?!”

“I called your name like twice.”

“What the fuck do you want?”

“Okay first of all,” she took the sucker she had out of her mouth and pointed it at him “watch it. Second of all, Jimin told me you needed a ride home, so I’m telling your ungrateful ass ahead of time.”

“Why aren’t you in class?” She put the sucker back in her cheek.

“Skip n trip.”

“You’re a dumbass. There’s no way they won’t notice your gone.”

“Joon this school’s budget is $300 and a handful of Chuck E. Cheese’s tokens. Those teachers could give a shit. Besides, this isn’t my first rodeo.”

“What did you take?”

“Shrooms.”

“What are you gonna do until I get out?”

“Dunno. I might rescue a cat from a tree, might steal the Constitution. You never know.”

“Okay well I need to shower before next period so,” Before he could finish she offered him her hand. He took it and she heaved him up a lot easier than he’d expected for a 5’4 druggie.

“Thanks. Now begone, demon.” With the small shove he gave her arm, she turned and meandered to the front of campus.

~~~

Namjoon’s stomach fluttered when his 7th period teacher started talking about what they were going to do tomorrow. A key sign of the end of class nearing. He watched the clock make its way around and around until finally, the bell rang.

He came down the brick front steps of the main hall, eyes sweeping for Y/N’s car. Nothing. With an annoyed huff, he made his way to the parking lot. “Why can’t you use the carpool like a human?”

He was nearing the back of the parking lot when the 1993 Corolla e100 came into view. Its dusty blue paint job and modifications courtesy of Yoongi and his father’s garage that he worked at. A pair of converse hung out the passenger window. When he got closer he saw Y/N laid across the front seat, plastic sunglasses balanced on her nose, hands folded behind her head.

He wrenched the door open making her feet flop to the seat hard enough to wake her with a choked snore. He swatted the bottom of her feet so she’d move. He sunk into the passenger seat and watched her hastily rub her eyes trying to wake up, glasses now perched in her hair. “You good?”

“Yeah.”

“Then why the hell were you asleep when you were supposed to pick me up.” She rested her forehead on the steering wheel.

“Sorry. Shroom come downs make me hella sleepy.”

“Do you want me to drive?”

“Nah, just hand me a Monster. I keep some in the pocket behind your seat.” He gave her a concerned look but reached around and pulled a lime green can from the pocket. She shifted the car in reverse and cut the turn to exit the parking lot, opening the can in her hand with her teeth in the process.

“I could’ve gotten that for you.”

“And not look badass? I think not.”

“That wasn’t badass.”

“Sure it wasn’t.”

~~~

Y/N wanted burritos and Namjoon was getting hungry so they stopped by La Michoacana, their favorite Mexican place, and ate them on the hood of her car.

By the time she pulled in his driveway, the sun was beginning to sink below the trees and buildings. He grabbed his backpack and sports bag from the trunk and walked around to her window, leaning his forearm on the edge and bending to be eye-level. “Thanks for the ride. My dad's home so don’t floor it out of here okay?”

“No problemo brochacho.” She gave him an OK sign before pulling her shades back down and driving off with two small growls of her engine.

His family was already having dinner when he came through the door. “Joon honey, is that you?”

“Yeah mom!” Who else would it be?

“Come eat dinner will you?”

“It’s fine I already ate-”

“Come sit with your family.” His neck hairs prickled at the sound of his dad's voice. He knew better than to keep him waiting. He dropped his bags by the coat rack and made his way to the dining room. He took his seat across from his older brother, Geongmin. “Care to tell us why you were late coming home?” His dad, at the head of the table, finally spoke.

“I was just getting something to eat with my friend who gave me a ride home.” His dad took in his answer before giving a dismissive nod and returning to his plate. Another wave of silence carried the table for another few minutes before his mom spoke up.

“So, Mrs Kwon told me today that her daughter Somin is still looking for someone. Why don’t you give her a call?”

“What? Mom, no. Why?”

“Aw come on sweetie it could be fun you never know. You need at least one highschool relationship before you graduate.”

The truth was, he’d actually had a few relationships in the past. He just never let them find out about it.

“Listen to your mother, she’s right. If you want to understand women enough to marry one, you better start learning now.”

“But…I just can’t.” His dad's gaze zeroed in on him.

“And why is that?” The words came out before he had time to rethink his idea.

“Because I already have a girlfriend.” His mom dropped her fork. Geongmin let out a snort and choked on his iced tea.

“What?” She placed a hand on her chest. His dad didn’t seem too mad. Yet. He set his silverware down neatly and folded his hands in front of his mouth.

“Who is it?” Oohhhhh shit. Now everyone was staring at him, waiting for an answer. Okay Namjoon, just say a female name. Any name, just say something.

“Y/N.” FUCK!

“Y/N? Y/N who?” His mom jumped in.

“L/N.” SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU IDIOT!

“Hmmm…. I've never heard of her.”

“You wouldn’t have.” He turned back to his dad who was still eyeing him. He could tell something wasn’t right, only making Namjoon’s thighs sweat more against the seat.

“I want to meet her.”

FUCK! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK! NAMJOON YOU STUPID ASS MOTHERFUCKER WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?

“Okay.”

Fuck a duck.

~~~

Y/N took a thoughtful hit of her joint. “So you're telling me…that I have to go to dinner with you…to meet your parents…because you said you had a girlfriend?”

“Yes.” The pair were sitting on the school roof during lunch. Her usual hiding spot.

“You know,” she blew out the wispy cloud, “for a genius, you’re really fuckin stupid.”

“Please Y/N they’re trying to get me to date this girl I used to go to preschool with. We hate each other!”

“Woah woah chill my guy. I never said I wouldn’t.” His eyes lit up and she held her joint above her head to avoid it being crushed by Namjoon’s hug.

“Thank you so much I mean it! I owe you big time.”

“All you have to do now is ask Yoongi.” She had to hold in her laugh when she felt his body stiffen, and ever so slightly take his hands off her.

“Oh…right.”

~~~

“Hey, Yoongs.” Y/N tapped one of the boots jutting out from underneath one of the various cars in the garage. The raven haired boy rolled out from under the car, laying on one of those rolly things. He looked up at her with streaks of motor oil and sweat on his face. His eyes lit up when he recognized the lame stance and shaggy hair that was his person.

“Hey, N/N.” In one swift motion, he was on his feet, wiping his hands on the red rag that was tucked in his waistband. He noticed Namjoon standing behind. “Sup. What are you guys doing here?”

“You see…about that.” Namjoon scratched the back of his neck.

“Come on Joon, spit it out.” She shoved him forward.

“Fuck’s wrong with him?” Yoongi pointed at him with his thumb.

“He has to ask you something.”

“Well on with it I have a job to do.”

“IneedtotakeY/NtodinnerwithmyparentscauseIsaidshewasmygirlfriendtogetoutofthemsettingmeupwithsomeone.” Namjoon squeezed his eyes shut and braced for his reaction.

“I don’t think that was a question, but okay.” His eyes popped open.

“Wait, really??”

“Yeah. If she’s willing to clean up your mess that’s all I care about.”

“I told you he’d say yes.” She bumped his arm with her elbow with a smirk. The wave of relief washed over him like jumping in a pool on a hot summer day.

“There are rules that come with that.”

“State your terms.”

“No touching below her waist, no pet names, no staring, and have her home before 10. You’re also allowed exactly one kiss if things get sticky.”

“Deal.”

“So when is it?” Yoongi listened to Namjoon explaining their plans while Y/N took his rag and started wiping the grease off his cheeks, nose, and forehead. Namjoon watched him sit still while she practically climbed all over him like a jungle gym. His patience with her was simply astounding.

By the time she finished and tucked the rag back in his waistband, Namjoon got a call. It only lasted a few seconds before he hung up. “That was my dad. I gotta get home.”

“Ight. That means me too. Bye Yoongs.” She spun around and followed Namjoon to the car.

“Ah, ah, ah.” She turned around. Yoongi held his hand up and made a ‘come here’ motion with his index finger.

“Oh shit!” She came bounding back and threw herself on him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He held her chin and planted a kiss on her lips. He made eye contact with Namjoon over her shoulder and gestured around her figure clinging to his body, dramatically mouthing ‘mine.’ Namjoon chuckled and climbed in the passenger side and waited for the lovebirds to finish their visit.

~~~

Y/N had just stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel when there was a knock at her door. She padded to the door and opened it. “Jimin! You learned to use the door!”

He rolled his eyes and stepped in.

“I was told I’m needed for assistance.” She swung open her bedroom door and they entered.

“Yeah, I need your help picking an outfit that won’t get Namjoon killed.”

“Hmm. I see.” He put his finger to his lip and eyed her closet. “Are they religious?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Old school or progressive?”

“Pretty old school I think.”

“Underlying misogyny?”

“What? Fuc- Jimin I don’t know.” He simply eyed her hair, face, and body, nodding.

“Okay, I think I have an idea.”

“And what is thAH!” Her towel was ripped off and he began rifling through her drawers. “JIMIN!”

“Oh please, nothing I haven’t seen before. Let's see…” He tossed a plain bra and a pair of underwear over his shoulder to her.

“Something comfortable, since you won’t be getting lucky tonight.” He moved to her closet nonchalantly while she scrambled to clothe herself. He pulled out an armload of clothes and tossed them on the bed. It was funny how he seemed to know her closet better than she did.

After countless trial and error, he finally decided on an outfit. A white, one shoulder long sleeved bodysuit with a black velvet pencil skirt.

Next was hair. “Jesus what am I gonna do with all this?” He held locks of her curls in each hand. It ended up not being as big of a problem as he thought. A nice bun with a few curls hanging out suited the look well. It was messy, but not too messy, and made her look put together.

Last was makeup. He opted for nude shades on her lids, minimal foundation and contour and a soft peach lip gloss. “In case they’re secretly Amish, I don’t want them thinking you're some whore.” She chuckled, his light hearted nature broke through her nerves. He pulled her in front of the mirror and admired his work. “You look stunning.” She couldn’t help the bashful smile that she hid behind her hands. Suddenly he gasped. “SHOES!” He raced to the closet and looked through her meager collection. He settled on a pair of white block heels, the white strap across her toes complimenting their fresh white pedicure. She slipped them on and he repositioned her in front of the mirror. “Now,” he slid his hands down her arms and rested his chin on her shoulder, “you look perfect.”

Her phone buzzed on the bed, interrupting the sweet moment.

Joon🦒: I’m almost there.

“Okay he’s almost here, do I look like a good girlfriend?”

“The best.” With a smile and a peck on his cheek, she slipped into the bathroom and shut the door. She opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the bottle of Hydroxyzine. Namjoon had asked her to refrain from being stoned at dinner, since she tended to say some crazy shit when she was. Granted, he didn’t say sober, just not fucked up. Shaking out three capsules, she eyed them before tossing them into her mouth.

Namjoon’s grey BMW M4 pulled into the driveway, it’s headlights pouring through the front kitchen window. Y/N and Jimin shot up in unison. He grabbed her by the shoulders and faced her. “I know you're probably freaking out right now, but just remember, you got this. There’s no way you can fuck up so bad they never want him to see you again.”

“Way to put that in my head.” He just smirked and opened the door for her.

“Go get ‘em tiger.” He landed a playful swat on her ass, sending her out the door for him to close behind her. No going back now. She made her way down the front steps and Namjoon got out wearing a matching charcoal grey suit and met her on the passenger side. He opened the door for her and held her hand for support until she was settled before shutting it gently. His car was spotless. Yoongi took great care of his car but even he had maybe a jacket laying in the backseat. It looked like he just rolled out of the dealership.

He climbed in the drivers side and pulled out of the driveway. “Was that Jimin?”

“Haha yeah. He helped me get ready.”

“How is he gonna get home if you don’t get back ‘til 10?”

“Hobi’s on his way to pick him up. Apparently they’re gonna drop and watch scary movies.”

“Hobi? Watching horror movies. You're kidding.”

“I've done it with him a few times, it’s quite entertaining.”

“I’m sure it is.”

~~~

It wasn’t a long drive to the restaurant they were meant to meet his parents at. It was a restaurant she’d never heard of, and probably would never be able to afford. He offered her his arm which she gladly took and they entered.

She was immediately hit with the smell of olive oil and fresh bread. Italian music floated over the light din of patrons dining on luxury dishes. Namjoon leaned down and whispered, “I didn’t think they’d pick such a nice place.” A hostess carrying an arm full of menus approached them.

“Mr. Kim?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Right this way please.” Y/N almost couldn’t keep up in her heels with the swift steps the hostess made. She remembered why she never wore them.

The woman led them past table after table, until they reached another smaller room, lit with candles and a crystal chandelier. It was quieter than the front, but still filled with the light chatter of diners sipping million dollar champagne. Okay, she knew Namjoon was wealthy, but this? God damn. She might as well be meeting the President.

They eventually stopped at a table with a couple already sitting. His parents. She put on her best face and gave a polite bow when they stood to greet her. “안녕하세요 당신을 만나서 매우 기쁘게 생각합니다” She looked back up to see them both frozen in surprise. His mom looked to Namjoon.

“You never told us she could speak Korean.”

“주금” Y/N held her index finger and thumb close together with a humble smile. This was good. She’s off to a good start. Once they exchanged pleasantries, they all sat down. A waitress came by for their drink orders. His parents ordered wine and they both ordered sparkling water.

“So, Y/N, how did you get to know our son?” His mom was the first to speak. She was clearly the more excited one. His dad looked like he was at an interrogation.

“We met at a pep rally sophomore year, and I noticed he kept visiting the art room where I worked after school, so when junior year came around I just risked it and asked him out.” His mom melted over the story she made up on the fly. God bless her wicked creativity. It wasn’t until he met his dad's eye that his smile tapered. Although it wasn't noticeable to anyone else, it was obvious to Namjoon. His dad wasn’t happy. Allowing himself to wait around to be asked out by a girl? Disgraceful.

Y/N basically lied about everything she was asked. Where she lived, who her parents were, plans for the future. Somehow the conversation shifted to religion.

“Are you religious, Y/N?” His dad asked. She definitely feared talking to him the most, given the few rants Namjoon went on in the past.

“I was raised Catholic, mass on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, the whole deal, but nowadays we hardly have time to go.”

“Were you confirmed?”

“No sir.”

“Why not?”

“We…” Her mind froze. She couldn’t get past the memories of that age. Cold metal bed frames and IVs, stringless hoodies and slip on shoes. “We moved and by the time we found a church to join, my parents were too busy with new work to take me to the classes. So it never really happened.”

“Aw, well that’s a shame.” His mom remarked. And the conversation moved on.

Y/N barely remembered the rest of dinner. Her mind still stuck in the padded rooms. Eventually, the last of dessert was finished and it was finally time to go. She briefly excused herself to use the restroom. She was feeling pretty good while she washed her hands. She said all the right things, they didn’t seem annoyed or too judgmental. She pushed the door open and nearly ran into Namjoon’s dad on the way to the mens’ room.

“Oh! I’m so sorry!”

“No, it’s alright. Listen, I’ve actually been meaning to tell you something.”

“Okay?”

“You and my son seem to have a strong bond. I can tell he likes you a lot. But just between us, I know you lied to me.” Her heart dropped into her stomach. “I know you don’t live uptown, I know you don’t live with your parents. I know where you actually live.”

“W-what?” She was frozen in place as he stepped closer. “I understand you may be embarrassed of your financial standing and I’m proud of Namjoon for accepting you for who you are. But I’ll tell you one thing.” He leaned in her ear. “You will never be good enough for my son.” With that, he turned and vanished into the restroom.

All Y/N could do was plod back to the table where Namjoon and his mom were standing. “Joonie? Would it be okay if we went now? I’m starting to get cramps.”

“Oh no please. Namjoon, take the poor girl home.” Best. Excuse. Ever. Works every time.

Once they were inside the car, she let out the breath she’d been holding. Had she been holding it the entire time? It felt like it.

“Ohhhh shit.”

“Dear god what now.”

“Don’t look now but my parents are staring at us from inside. I don’t think my mom believes us.”

“Why?”

“She’s talking about how I wasn’t affectionate enough.”

“How do you know that?”

“I've seen countless of their conversations, I don’t need to hear to know what they’re talking about.”

“Nuclear option?”

“Going nuclear.” With that he leaned across the console and cupped her cheek, melding his lips to hers. It wasn’t as bad as she expected it to be. She thought it’d be rigid and awkward, but he had a way of making them feel comfortable. They parted and he shifted back into his seat.

“Did it work?”

“My mom is jumping up and down. I think it worked.”

He started up the car and pulled out onto the road to her apartment. “What you said about cramps, was that true?”

“Yeah.” She didn’t dare tell him the real reason. Knowing Namjoon she knew that would only turn out one way. He reached over and popped open the glove box in front of her. Inside were tampons, pads, makeup wipes, muscle relaxers, and more lined up in neat rows. She gladly took one of the pills. “How you don’t have a girlfriend yet I’ll never know.” Namjoon may be a compulsive hothead, but at least he knows how to treat a lady.

“Hey, N/N?”

“Yup.”

“Are you actually Catholic?”

“Yeah. All of it was true except for the moving part.”

“Did you, you know, believe in it? In God?”

“I mean it’s kinda like Santa. Your parents tell you he’s real and you’re too naïve to think for yourself so you believe. To answer your question, yes, I used to at least.”

“What happened?”

Hospital gowns, bed restraints, pills in little paper cups.

“….I pretty much lost faith in anything I couldn’t see the moment I was admitted to that place. Shit like that kinda breaks down your character.”

“Are there still times where you think you might still believe?”

“What are you, Jehovah's witness?”

“I’m just curious. You’re the last person I’d expect to be religious.”

“Rarely. I only turn to a higher power when I think there’s nothing left between me and death. When I’m so sure that my life is coming to an end that the only thing I can think to do is pray that heaven is real.”

“H-how many times has that happened?”

“Three times.”

“Oh.”

“Namjoon, promise me something. If one day you see me with my rosary, I need you to throw me in a mental ward and burn all of my religious shit. The whole box I keep in my closet. All of it.”

“I…I promise.”

~~~

The Beemer pulled into her driveway and he helped her out of the car, heels in hand. She took the shoes from him and he gave her a warm hug. “Thank you.”

“No problemo brochacho.” He mocked a scoff and pushed her away.

“Ruined it.” He circled around and climbed back into the driver's seat. Y/N made her way up the steps and turned around. She gave him a wave and he waved back from behind the windshield. With a chuckle, she went inside.

She was met by Yoongi and Taehyung sitting cross legged at her kitchen table. “And just where have you been all this time, young lady?”

“Yoongi, why is it here?” Tae sipped from the mug he carried daintily in one hand.

“Heard Yoongi whored you out. I tagged along to watch the drama.” She chuckled.

“There isn’t any. Go home Tae.”

“Can’t.”

“Yes you can. We were gonna hang out tomorrow anyway.” Yoongi fished his keys out of his pocket and tossed them to the fluffy haired pervert. “Leave even a scratch and I’ll skin you. Make sure you lock the garage cause if someone jacks it then I’m really gonna come for you.” Taehyung gave him an exaggerated salute and a boxy grin before he bounded out the door and to the car like Tigger. Yoongi shut the door behind him and spun to face her. “What’s wrong.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play that game with me, you know it never works.” She let out a long sigh and flopped onto the couch. The cushion dipped beside her when Yoongi sat down. She instinctively laid her head in his lap. He began plucking out the bobby pins holding her wild hair in place. “So how did it go?”

“It was fine at first. I pretty much had to lie about everything so they wouldn’t think I’m some gold digger.” He loosened the hair tie, finally setting her locks free. His fingers rubbed her scalp to ease the tension from the tight hairstyle.

“That’s obviously not the problem. You have no shame lying.” She giggled.

“It was pretty much fine halfway through, then for some reason they started asking if I was religious.” His veiny fingers mindlessly scratched her head, nearly sending her to sleep. “His dad asked if I went through confirmation, but it just reminded me of other stuff.”

“The hospital?”

“…yeah.”

“What about the other half?”

“I couldn’t really focus after that so I’m sure my conversation wasn’t the best.”

“You don’t remember?”

“No, I was pretty much in a different place after that.” He tucked a piece of hair that was hanging in her eyes behind her ear. “After dinner, I went to the bathroom and ran into his dad on the way out.” Yoongi stilled.

“Relax, he didn’t diddle me or anything.”

“What did he do?”

“He knew I lied about where I lived. Luckily he still believed we were actually together, cause then he told me that I would never be good enough for his son.” The head scratches halted all together. “It’s really not that big of a deal, it’s not like it matters. We’re not even dating.”

“Y/N look at me.” He met those e/c eyes and made sure he had her full attention. “You don’t actually believe that do you?”

“Believe what?”

“That you're not good enough.”

“I mean….no?”

“That didn’t sound very certain.” She turned her head back so her temple rested on his thigh.

“I mean I haven’t exactly been the gold standard in my lifetime.”

“You don’t have to be. Name someone you think is perfect. I’m talking not a single flaw inside or out.”

“….”

“So, why do you think you have to be?” She was quiet. He didn’t need her to answer, he just wanted to plant the thought in her mind. The softest sniffle could be heard. “Hey, come here.” He laid longways and guided her on top of him. She pressed her ear to his heart and he cupped the back of her head in his hand. He brushed a tear from her cheek with his thumb. “You might not be good enough for him, but you're too good for me.”

“I think I can live with that.” He could feel the small smile grow against his chest.

After a half assed shower, Yoongi tucked them both in bed. Once again her head was on his chest. “Did you tell Joon?”

“No.”

“Good.

“Although we did get kinda deep on the way home.”

“Like what.”

“My religious awakenings.”

“Oh, you really went balls deep didn’t you?” Her head bobbed when he chuckled.

“Ha, yeah. Speaking of which, there’s something I forgot to mention earlier.”

“Oh boy.”

“When we were leaving, his parents were starting to get suspicious because the entire night he didn’t touch me once.”

“I don’t see the problem here.”

“So he had to kiss me in the car where they could see.”

“…”

“Hey you can’t get mad you said he could.”

“I’m not mad. I’m just thinking.”

“About what?” He gently rolled her off him and he peeled the covers back. “Where are you going?”

“Hold on, I gotta piss.” She just laughed and watched him lumber out of the room in his t-shirt and boxers.

When he came back, she was sitting up with her knees hugged to her chest. “So what were you thinking about?”

“Was it good?”

“Was what good?”

“The kiss.” She thought for a second.

“I’m gonna be honest, it was unexpectedly pleasant, but you have nothing to worry about.” He came to stand at the foot of the bed.

“Why’s that?” She stood and bounced to the end of the mattress. She grabbed both his shoulders and looked down at him.

“Why would I cheat when I already have the best sex I’ve ever had?” He gave her a long, cool look.

“Until now.” He grabbed the backs of her knees and swept her onto her back with a surprised yelp. He crawled onto the mattress and attacked her with a barrage of kisses anywhere he could reach. It was going to be a long night.

[shattered-mirror-fanfic]

Took way too long but it’s here, enjoy!

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32206135/chapters/82349017

Chapter below the cut for my readers who don’t prefer Ao3

Henry walked back onto the campgrounds, books in hand with Frisk following close behind. It was close to becoming 1 o’clock to their surprise. 

“Guess we spent longer in the library than we thought, guess we gotta apologise to Toriel about being almost a half hour late home” Henry spoke, knowing he was in trouble for keeping Frisk away for so long.

“Mom most likely won’t mind if she knows that you were keeping me safe Mr. Henry” Frisk replied smiling. Henry nodded and the two entered the camp that was their temporary home.

“Hey kid, I’m gonna pop your books in your tent ok? Why don’t you got snatch us some lunch?” Henry asked. Frisk nodded and hurried over to the camps center to see if Toriel had any leftover pie for them. After Henry left Frisk’s books in their tent he made his way over to the medical tent, only to see Right Hand Man inside, sitting on a chair next to the table where a large container was, holding the fragments of their chief’s soul. 

“Hey ‘enry” The man said, in a surprisingly soft tone. Heny set the book down on the table and pulled out a chair, sitting on it a tad awkwardly with it’s back in front of him. 

“What’s up boss? Is the chief’s death really hitting that hard?” Henry questioned.

“He’s not-! No, he’s not dead.” The Right Hand Man argued. Henry frowned, knowing something was off.

“Well if he’s not dead, then how come his prized medallion is draped over the tank with his broken soul?” The white-haired man asked, tilting his head to the side.

“You shut your damned mouth or ah swear…” Right spoke with his thick australian accent adding an extra layer of intimidation. 

“Okaaay, you’re going through some stuff, I’ll let you be.” Henry quickly responded. He sat up and walked out of the tent quickly to avoid getting Right Hand Man in more of a huff, just to bump into a familiar short yellow lizard. “Oh hey Doc, sorry ‘bout that.” 

“I-it’s fine, have you seen the Right Hand Man? I meant to talk to him about your boss's soul.” She asked. 

“Mister five stages of grief is in there.” Henry answered, pointing a thumb back to the tent he was just in. “Actually, have you seen Ellie? Meant to ask her something.”

The scientist twiddled her thumbs a bit before answering. “No, but she did leave a note saying she would be back by dinner, I have no idea where she is though”

“Damnit Ellie, be more specific next time.” Henry muttered.

~~~

Ellie wasn’t too fond of her soul trait. PERSEVERANCE had the lamest magic in her opinion, DETERMINATION could bend time, BRAVERY could teleport, JUSTICE could make people tell the truth, KINDNESS could heal and make shields, PATIENCE could freeze in place to avoid damage, INTEGRITY could change gravity, but PERSEVERANCE...it could only make plans based on a few minutes of worth of events. It sounds ok at first but in practice it’s not that great. Luckily, this came in handy for plotting a surprise sneak attack against your local government camp after they killed your boss. 

The red-head was positioned behind a bush up on a short cliff only a bit away from said government camp. She pulled out her walkie talkie and leaned in.

“Hey Svensson, you got the coordinates for the government rats?” She asked, in response she got a groan.

“Yes I did, and I am still your superior, so it’s Mr. Svensson to you.” He complained on his end. 

“Well Mr. Pain in the ass, ready to beam down the rocket launcher?”

“For the third time, you aren’t getting a rocket launcher. I’m sending down Burt, Carol and a few others.”

“Man, do you not trust me with explosives?”

“Not after the ‘Me and Henry are going to rob a chuck e cheese’ incident.”

“It was fun and it was one time!” She all but shouted into the device. She turned it off and looked back at the camp. So maybe exploding it isn’t a great idea. Ellie glanced over at one of the tents that was larger than the rest, and had a large red medical cross. Bingo.

~~~

“Hey Chara, can I ask you something? Do you know what happened to Asr-” Frisk started.

“No, we don’t mention him.” Chara said, cutting them off. Frisk set down their fork on the plate. 

“Okaaay, then what about Flowey?” Frisk reiterated. 

“Didn’t he want to stay behind? I mean, he thought he wouldn’t survive out here without a soul.” 

“Well what if he was wrong Chara?”

“Don’t tell me you actually cared about that little bugger! He tried to kill you, Frisk!” 

The child sighed and stared up at their ghost companion. 

“He can change, he’s done it before, and he can do it again.”

~~~

The flower in question sat among his non-sentient copies in the beginning of the underground. Or was it the end? He didn’t know, and didn’t care. Flowey sighed, and stared up at the entrance to the underground. No one ever visited him, after all, he tried to kill everyone and steal their souls to become a god. That was only the second time. How would anyone forgive him? No one would. Why would anyone care about him though? He only hurts, it’s all he’s good for. 

No. He won’t hurt again. The golden flower promised himself this, He pondered to himself about how to get out easily. Through personal research he deemed he could only travel for five minutes under the earth before needing to pop back out for at least another minute, as well as, it was difficult staying on the side of a wall without some proper hold. Thinking, Flowey noticed a vine that had fallen some time after the barrier broke. That’ll do. 

Flowey popped down under the ground then resurfaced under the vine. He wrapped one of his own vines on it and slid up it like a snake, reaching the top in under a few minutes. He looked out at the mid afternoon sun, basking in the potential photosynthesis he would gain if he just gave up and stayed a flower forever. But no, he had to keep going. 

After scanning the area a bit he noticed a camp in the distance that took up a hidden clearing. So that's where they went. He thought to himself. But hey, the worst case scenario is that it was a human camp, but he could blend in as some of the natural buttercups that grew around the mountain. It would take a while until he got there, but he knew it would be the start of his redemption.

~~~

“Ok would you rather fight an elephant sized axolotl or a hundred axolotl sized elephants? Honestly, either would do for me.” Chara asked, smiling.

“Am I allowed to spare either? If not then an elephant sized axolotl, it would give up to get to water.” Frisk answered. Henry laughed and leaned back.

“Nah, a hundred axolotl sized elephants, that way they won’t crush you on the way to the water.” He spoke. “Plus, I ain’t a pacifist, I won’t have a burden on my shoulder.” 

“But those are innocent elephants!” Frisked shouted. 

“What if they had caused the deaths of thousands? Then would you reconsider?”

“You’re cruel sometimes Chara.” Henry chuckled. Frisk smiled and knew, maybe more humans were like the toppats, they didn’t seem that bad. 

“Gasp, I, the dead child sharing a soul with another child, is cruel.”

“Ok, ok, you two, reel it in, we’re meant to have a nice picnic, minus the food.” Frisk laughed. It was nice after most of their life living by themself as an orphan, to finally have a family. Sure, they didn’t have an exact father figure, but they had a mom in Toriel, a sibling in Chara, and now an older brother in Henry. It was everything they could ever dream of. 

“Sorry Frisk.” Chara apologized sarcastically. 

“Sorry kid, plus Chara isn’t as cruel as another demon I know.” Henry apologized, gazing at the air next to him like he was gesturing towards someone. But no, player was off minding their own weird business off somewhere that Henry didn’t care. They couldn’t do anything with Henry being there as a physical form. With this, they were most likely trying to chase a squirrel up a tree to find it’s home to (attempt to) destroy it. 

“Speaking of whom, you said you’re in a similar boat to us, yeah? Well, haven’t seen your little soul buddy, where are they?” The red ghost asked, folding their arms. “Seriously, the fact you can see me means you aren’t lying, are you just in stage one?”

“No, they just don’t like people, and people don’t like them. They also much prefer tormenting squirrels than answering questions about elephants and axolotls.” Henry addressed. Chara scrunched their face while Henry just smiled. 

That’s when the two humans felt something off, Frisk in specific heard dirt churning. Chara looked at them oddly as they weren’t sitting to feel the disturbance. That’s when a golden buttercup popped out of the ground. 

“Well, that’s not normal, or I’ve been on the orbital station for too long.” The adult said, questioning himself. That’s when the flower turned its head, showing its face.

“That damned flower got out!” 

“Nice to see you too Chara.” The flower spoke. “Anyways, Howdy! I’m Flowey, Flowey the Flower!” 

“I can tell.” Henry sarcastically responded. 

“Oh goodie goodie, the smiley trashbag comedian has a human twin.” Flowey spoke with a caustic remark, while Chara proceeded to lose their mind laughing at the realization of the similarities. “Anywho, I actually came here to say something.”

“What is it Flowey?” Frisk asked.

“Well…..” He paused. Why couldn’t he do it? He recited what he wanted to say on the way over, he knew he wanted to apologise, but the words wouldn’t form. He couldn’t say sorry, he couldn’t tell them the promise he made to himself...

He just was incapable of feeling true remorse. 

“Of course, typical unfeeling flower. Will want everyone’s attention, then goes silent. Typical.”

“Chara! That was rude!” Frisk scolded. Flowey sighed, and popped back into the ground. Maybe it wasn’t time to repair that burnt bridge.

When Flowey popped back up, he moved himself next to a large tent near the edge of the clearing (as indicated by the large trees next to the tent). Chara was right, I have no soul, I can’t feel… Thoughts like that raced through his mind, he wanted to be better, but without a soul it was useless.

He stared around for something to do when he saw a tall man, leaning against a tree with a cigarette in his hand. 

“Hey, Smokey! Y’know you’re gonna get yourself killed with that!” Flowey snarked loudly at the man. Right Hand Man looked down at the flower with a cold gaze. 

“Wow Einstein, you’ve cracked the code and can leave the simulation now, hurray.” He laughed. Flowey was not amused. Instead he slid up the tree Right was leaning on and sat on one of the low branches. “And hey, ‘anks for the concern, but ah don’t get cigarettes that have tar in ‘em. So I’m lung cancer safe.”

“Huh, didn’t know those existed, anyways, I’m Flowey!” The buttercup had returned to his normal jovial mood.

“Nice to meet ya Flowey, I’m Right Hand Man.” 

“What kind of name is that?”

“What kind of name is Flowey?”

“Touché” The two chuckled a bit, then Flowey asked the question that he completely forgot about in favor of introductions. “Say, why are you smoking in the first place?” 

“Everytime I light a new one, ah ask myself the same thing. Then I remember my best friend is dead, there’s no HOPE left for anyone, and no amount of what if’s are gonna bring him back!” RIght started before going off into a tangent and yelling to himself. 

“Hey big guy, calm down, there’s got to be some way to bring him back, yeah? Do you have his soul?” 

~~~

Honestly, Flowey didn’t expect a yes, and he especially didn’t expect it to be stuck in such disrepair. 

“Holy mother of asgore! What’d you do to him?!” He exclaimed. 

“Only managed to get ‘im in by the time he was like this.” Right answered truthfully. He put a hand on the tank, rubbing it thoughtfully while the flower starred from his new-found perch on the Right Hand Man’s shoulder. 

“Man, rough timing, eh? Anyways, do you perchance have a pot I could dip into? Soil is much more comfortable.” Flowey requested. Right sighed and kneeled down and grabbed a clay pot from under the table that had been left, he went outside and scooped a bit of dirt in before planting Flowey in it. He went back inside and set the pot next to Reginald’s soul tank before sitting onto the chair still left out from the events of earlier today.

“So, did you know that most likely if his being still exists somewhere, like the void, he would be in complete agony? I mean, I myself wouldn’t know as I have no soul, plus I’m a monster, but probably a broken soul would mean a world of pain?” The plant addressed, looking up at the top of the tent before facing the Aussie with the last point. 

“Reg is strong, he can take it, he’s been through worse.” Right replied sternly.

“I’m just saying, if you really cared, you would be working your butt off trying to get him out of this state.”

“Shut it flower boy, Ah don’t need to hear how much of a failure I am.” 

“I didn’t mean it like that!” Flowey retorted, managing to bounce his pot closer to the tank. Two vines shot out of the pot, waving about frantically, acting like arms to demonstrate his frustration. Damn his subconscious want of misery in others, he would definitely need to work on that later. “I’m not saying you failed! I’m just saying you’re lounging around crying about your problems instead of fixing them! There’s plenty of things you could do!” 

“Well do YOU have any smart ideas? Or are ya just goin’ to be a thorn in mah side?!” The toppat argued back. Flowey stewed for a moment before spotting a leather book on the other end of the table, noticing a keyword, soul. He reached for it with a vine.

“Correction, buttercups don’t have thorns. Plus, this book here may do the trick!” He pulled the book to him with immense speed. Too immense in fact that it hit the glass of the soul preserving tank. It wobbled for a moment before tilting off the table. 

Smash!

[sohotthateveryonedied]

Chaos and Bloodshed Already Haunt Us

Read here on AO3!

Summary:

Tim and Jason get kidnapped by Black Mask. Jason is too sacrificial for his own good.

Tim has been waking up tied to chairs in strange places since he was thirteen, to the point where he has been kidnapped more times than he’s been to Chuck E. Cheese. When you’re a Wayne kid and a batkid, you learn to accept regular kidnappings as a part of life, just like taxes. Is it so unreasonable that Tim would prefer to wake up in his own bed, for a change? First things first: take stock. Assess the situation. Go from there. Before he’s even opened his eyes, Tim feels for what he’s pretty sure is regular rope keeping his hands tied behind him. Unfortunately, even rope can hold a bat when said bat has no weapons to bail them out, which Tim doesn’t. His utility belt and bandoliers are missing, and any spare tools he has hidden on his person are impossible to reach with the way his arms are wrenched behind him. His fingertips are already tingly, going on numb. “Red? You up?” Tim opens his eyes at the familiar voice. Jason is tied to his own chair across from him, a mirror of Tim’s own situation. The room itself is small—gray walls, cement floor, unmarked crates stacked along the walls. Jason’s helmet is off, exposing the domino he wears underneath. Tim’s mask hasn’t been touched either. “Do you remember what happened or do you need the recap?” Jason asks.

It’s blurry at best, but Tim remembers enough. “Intel mission on Black Mask, right?”

“Started out that way. We got here and I figured out that Sionis was selling weapons to Intergang so we blew the whole shipment to hell.” “You figured it out?” That doesn’t sound right, as fragmented as Tim’s memories are. From the throbbing in the back of his head, he must have been hit pretty hard. “You calling me a liar?” “I ain’t calling you a truther,” Tim mutters, fiddling with the rope that’s been cutting off circulation in his hands for what must have been at least an hour. He can’t get Jason and himself out of here in this condition. “Did you—" “Already signaled him.” Good. Bruce will send someone to bail them out of this in no time. They just have to hold out until then. “Oh, good, you’re awake,” a chilling voice speaks from behind Tim. “You have no idea how bored I was waiting for the party to start.” Fingers touch Tim’s shoulder and he jerks away. Jason, unbothered by the newcomer, snorts. “This is what you consider a party? You need some fucking friends.” Sionis ignores the jab. He passes Tim and goes straight for the camera set up near the left wall, just far back enough to fit both Tim and Jason in frame. Very, very bad sign. He turns it on, the red light blinking. “You making a movie?” Jason says. He’s snarky, but Tim can see the fear lurking behind his eyes. Roman ignores him and adjusts the camera so it points at himself. “Hello, Batman.” Tim’s eyes snap up to meet Jason’s. “In case you were wondering, this is a live feed you’re getting now. And don’t try tracing it, you’ll just waste your energy. You’re not the only one who has talented technicians on his side.” He leans in closer to the camera, his mask nearly touching the lens. “In the spirit of clarity, let me be clear: this, right now? This is a gift. This is my warning to you to stay the hell out of my business, otherwise you and your precious lackeys will have to answer to me.” He moves out of the frame and zooms in on Tim’s masked face, then Jason’s. “Lucky for me, I found a couple of your birds messing with my shipment, and they so graciously volunteered to help me set an example.” He steps aside and gestures to a tray of tools, each one more horrible than the last. Most of them are still coated in blood from his last victim. Tim gulps. Sionis peruses his collection, which gives Tim the chance to catch Jason���s attention. He jerks his head toward the camera, mouthing, Tell them where we are. Jason nods, and Tim looks back at Sionis. “You think I haven’t been tortured before? This is just a workout.” Is it true? No. He’s terrified, actually. But Jason needs time to signal Bruce through the camera, so Tim will stall for as long as he can. “Bold words, kid.” Sionis picks up a knife, tracing the edge of it with his fingertip. “Just makes it more fun for me when you break.” He comes closer and grabs Tim roughly by the chin, pressing the knife against his cheek uncomfortably close to his eye. “I’ll bet I can make you cry.” “Hey, Blackie,” Jason calls, ripping their focus away. His eyes are narrowed, mouth twisted. “Did you hear the one about the rich dude who wore blackface?” Sionis tightens his grip on Tim’s face. “Do tell.” Stop talking, Tim tries to convey telepathically. Don’t make this worse. “It was universally agreed that he was a piece of shit.” “You should learn to keep your mouth shut when someone’s holding a knife to your baby brother’s face.” To prove his point, Roman digs the knife in, slicing a thin line down all the way to Tim’s jaw. Tim inhales sharply at the sting. “Baby brother?” Jason repeats. “You really are an idiot.” He doesn’t look at Tim, keeping his glare solely on Roman. “I barely know the guy. He follows me around, thinking I walk on water or some shit, but trust me. He’s a pain in the ass. You’re doing me a favor, really.” Sionis pulls the knife away from Tim’s face. Tim releases a breath. Sionis approaches Jason now, his knife still raised with Tim’s blood staining the steel blade. “Someone’s mouthy today.” “If you think this is mouthy, you should have heard your mother last night.” Sionis plunges the knife into Jason’s knee. Jason locks a scream behind his teeth, his face contorting in pain. “Try walking on water now,” Sionis hisses. He yanks the knife out, blood splattering on Jason’s legs and the floor. Tim looks nervously at the camera, its red light blinding ominously. Is Bruce watching this from the other side, agonizing over having a front-row seat to this display? Or is he already gone, on his way to rescue them? Tim hopes it’s the latter. “You think—think I haven’t been stabbed before?” Jason pants, his teeth gritted through the pain. “That was child’s play.” “Is that right?” Sionis looks over his shoulder at Tim. “Then maybe we should get a second opinion. What do you say, kiddo? Want to match your brother over here?” “Thank god,” Jason says. “Go over there and stay, if you wouldn’t mind. Your breath smells like dog shit. But I guess you are what you eat, so.” Roman punches Jason in the face so hard Tim can hear his teeth clank from here. He does it again two, three times, until blood streams from Jason’s nostrils and spills over his lips. Tim pulls frantically on the ropes binding him, tries to do anything, but he’s held tight. “Now, that,” Jason says, spitting out a mouthful of blood and what looks like a tooth, “was better. Still amateurish, but at least you’re not a fuckin’ sissy about it.” “Hood,” Tim snaps. “Please, shut up.” Why are you doing this? “Why should I listen to you? You’re the one who got us into this mess in the first place, replacement. This is your fault.” Jason’s words are snarls and his eyes burn with a tangible hatred, all directed at Tim. But Tim knows him too well. Not everyone wears a literal mask like Sionis does. Roman reaches for his tray and picks up a new blade, this one with large, jagged teeth. “By all means, keep talking, Hood. See where that gets you.” “What, are you going to stab me? Go ahead. The little shit deserves to feel guilty.” Sionis poises the blade at Jason’s shoulder, digging the tip in until Jason hisses. He leans in close, grabs Jason’s jaw with his other hand. “I know you’re not stupid. You think that if you act like a big enough asshole, you can save the runt from me.” He pushes on the knife, slowly sinking it into Jason’s flesh, ridge by ridge. “I’m very okay with that.” Roman twists the knife and Jason screams. Tim closes his eyes but he can’t cover his ears; he can’t tune out his brother screaming in agony, and he almost wishes that he were in Bruce’s position, watching this through a video feed. At least then he could turn it off. “Stop, please,” Tim begs. “He didn’t do anything, it was all me. It was my idea to blow up your shipment. I ruined your business, not him. Just—hurt me, take it out on me. Not him.” Sionis releases the blade, leaving it sticking out of Jason’s shoulder. “Told you I could make the little bird cry.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tim has never felt so powerless in his life. It feels like it goes on for hours, the blood and the screaming and the sickening sound of torn flesh. It only gets worse when he escalates to the snapping of fingers, the crackle of knife through bone. He hits Jason so many times there’s more purple riddling his face than clean, unmarked skin. And every time Sionis so much as looks at Tim, Jason does something new to pull his attention back like a wasp on a string. He provokes the sadistic bastard with vulgar comments, snotty complaints that belong more in Damian’s mouth than Jason’s. And Tim can’t do anything but watch. He doesn’t know how long it’s been when something crashes behind him, which he assumes is the door. Roman barely has time to drop the blowtorch he’s holding before a batarang strikes him in the center of his mask, knocking him out cold. Jason doesn’t react. He hasn’t lifted his head in so long it puts Tim on the edge of panic, just quiet groans and grunts through every new injury inflicted on him. “Tim!” Dick is at Tim’s side in an instant, already working on the ropes binding him. “Are you okay?” Bruce is tending to Jason, putting a field dressing on one of his many open wounds while he talks to Alfred through his earpiece. He’s telling him to call Dr. Thompkins and tell her it’s an emergency. As soon as his hands are free Tim is lunging up from the chair, only for Dick to grab him by the shoulders and force him back down. “Hey, hey, slow down. Where are you hurt?” Dick lightly prods around the cut on Tim’s face, which is undoubtedly going to need stitches, but Tim couldn’t care less. He doesn’t take his eyes off of Jason, who lets out a groan when Bruce accidentally jostles his broken arm. Tim shakes his head, swallowing thickly. “He didn’t—he didn’t do anything to me. He didn’t touch me at all. Only Jason.”

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 263: [Immigrant Song Intensifies]

Previously on BnHA: Ujiko sicced five Noumus on Miruko. Rephrase that: Ujiko sicced only five Noumus on Miruko. In hindsight this was obviously a mistake. Miruko proceeded to laugh and jump around kicking all of them and literally ripping the head off of the strongest one’s neck with nothing but her thighs. It was legendary and awe-inspiring and also she lost an arm but WHO EVEN CARES, I’m still pledging my allegiance to her. Miruko once beat the sun in a staring contest. Miruko’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because nobody fucking fools Miruko. Anyway so also the heroes are finally attacking the League of Pliff’s HQ and Skeptic is running around all “AHHHH” so I guess we’ll see how that goes now.

Today on BnHA: Things finally get started over in Gunga, although for the time being most of the kids from 1-A and 1-B are still sitting around in the woods all pent-up and anxious and restlessly shipping KamiJirou. Meanwhile on the front lines, three-and-a-half-year-old Kaminari Denki is all “SOB I WANT TO BE BACK WITH MY FRIENDS WHERE IT’S SAFE”, to which Midnight, who I would just like to remind you is (1) an adult, (2) a teacher, and (3) a person responsible for this literal child’s safety in any number of other capacities, responds with “SORRY KIDDO WE NEED YOUR QUIRK.” I have yet to see any compelling evidence that they really do need it, but putting that dubious matter aside, Kaminari does kick some ass once he gets over his anxieties. Meanwhile Cementoss tears a building in half, Tokoyami reflects on how he was exposed to Kaminari’s good and pure moral character during their many soulful jam sessions, Hawks is about to kill Twice, and – wait, what.

a few stray thoughts since this chapter is taking forever to come out today. one, the good guys need to take out Twice and Toga as soon as they find them, because they’re currently the deadliest combination in the League. Twice for obvious reasons, and Toga because I’m pretty sure she got some of Aizawa’s blood that one time back during the Basement arc, and that fact coupled with the fact that she can now use the quirk of whoever she transforms into spells big trouble for the good guys since she can basically just cancel out whoever’s quirk she wants. plus she’s probably also immune to Midnight’s quirk. all in all bad news

two, it is interesting that Hagakure is the only 1-A kid we haven’t seen yet! probably just me overreacting, but still interesting!

(ETA: we do see her standing next to Mina in this chapter, so so much for that. you get out of it this time Tooru!)

and three, I’m not clear on whether or not Skeptic has actually figured out that Hawks betrayed them, or if he just suspects it, or if he thinks that Hawks leaked something accidentally and doesn’t realize that this entire time the dude was 100% playing them. I’m sure we’ll find out shortly. but regardless of how this plays out, I’m already dreading Twice’s reaction to all this :/ my sweet innocent baby. HE THOUGHT YOU WERE HIS FRIEND HAWKS. HE TRUSTED YOU. fff I really hope Twice’s inherently good and trusting nature isn’t a casualty of all this. then again I still think Twice himself is very unlikely to survive this. so basically I’m just bracing myself for pain sob

(ETA: oh this is bad.)

(ETA 2: by the way just to clarify, the above paragraphs were all written on Friday, and the rest of this recap+all ETAs were written the next day when I finally got to read the chapter! this is not important in any way whatsoever but now you know and that’s half the battle!)

“it’s time” holy shit finally lol. you all have been camped out over here for weeks now. not that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy each and every second of Miruko’s one-woman murder show, but it is nice to finally check in with you guys over here so we can get to work at last and I can get a better feel for who’s about to die. cuz someone here is dying guys

the chapter is called “I wanna be with the others!!” so. this is gonna be a Kaminari chapter isn’t it. I wonder what fresh new traitorous hijinks he’ll be getting up to this week. that detestable scoundrel

Mineta is being all weasel-y and reluctant, and honestly, I’m a bit annoyed. and for once it’s not directed at him! it’s like... how do I explain it. okay, so like, the manga is showing him being all cowardly and clearly not at all happy about being out here, and the fact that it’s Mineta doing it only adds to the general flavor of this being the wrong attitude to have and just a really shameful way of acting in general, because it’s Mineta and we all know Mineta is vile and so clearly he’s in the wrong here! the only thing is though, I actually don’t blame him even if he’s being a little shit about it, because the kids absolutely should not be here in the first place. are they strong? fuck yes. are they gonna end up being the ones to turn the tide once everything inevitably goes to shit, and thus the others are really goddamn lucky that they’re here? probably. does that make it right to conscript kids and send them out here to a soon-to-be war zone which the adults have very little control over meaning that some of these children will almost certainly be injured and traumatized and possibly even killed? nope! not right at all! no amount of “plus ultra” can justify this, folks. and “we get that it’s wrong but that’s just the fucked up times we live in” doesn’t actually justify it either, even if the HPSC seems to think so

but having said all that, there’s clearly nothing to be done about it at this point, and I’m about to enjoy this chapter of the kids presumably kicking ass even after all that whining, so I’ll just carefully climb down from my soapbox now. but I’m still keeping it handy just in case!

who the fuck is this Thundercats guy who looks like he was part of an old timey street gang in 1920s Chicago

lol can he hear the villain hotel being ripped in half over there in the distance

and speaking of hearing, Jirou is popping her earbuds into the ground to do some reconnaissance of her own I guess!

the heroes?? she better not mean the villains. oh lord I still don’t have the faintest idea how they’re planning on actually containing them all. well, brace yourselves everyone. here comes the shitshow

now Gangs of New York is making the most unnecessary speech in the history of this manga

were any of them actually going to be careless?? I’m pretty sure they understand the gravity of the situation my dude. and if they didn’t, I’d say that’s honestly on you guys and not on them because, again, they’re kids. and if you didn’t want a bunch of teenagers goofing off during your incredibly dangerous and vitally important do-or-die hero mission, then maybe you shouldn’t have brought a bunch of teenagers to your incredibly dangerous and vitally important do-or-die hero mission

“listen makeste are you just going to sit around all day bitching about my cardinal sin of daring to involve your precious little darlings in the actual plot,” the imaginary Horikoshi that sits around trying to keep these recaps from veering off track interjects. and okay fine

sob it feels wrong to see MomoJirou there without their Kaminari

(ETA: and there is Hagakure on the left, FYI. at least I think that’s her?)

their baby boy is all out there alone in the woods. is that why you were really listening, Jirou? you can tell me, I promise not to make a big deal about it

MOMO ARE YOU COMFORTING JIROU WHILE SHE OPENLY WORRIES ABOUT “TOKOYAMI”

I lied, I might make a big thing about it. what a beautiful March day for some OT3

MY INFANT SON!!

HE’S ONLY TWO YEARS OLD!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? MIDNIGHT YOU BETTER KEEP HIM SAFE!! at least until he makes it back safely into the hands of his friends, the League of Villains

meanwhile here’s a fun tip, this manga gets 100x funnier if you scroll back up to that panel of Jirou being all serious and saying “they’re on the move” now that we know that this outburst is almost certainly what she was listening to lmao. “oh, Kaminari is crying, that must mean they’re getting started”

and here they go!!

who is that in the witch hat?? COULD THIS BE THE LEGENDARY MAJESTIC, AT LONG LAST? this person looks like they cobbled together their entire hero costume from Sero’s bedroom. just ransacked it and draped all of his tapestries and throw pillows every which way over some Adidas pants. goddammit who is this person, I need to know everything about them right now

DAMMIT MIDNIGHT

HE’S NOT OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE THOSE KIND OF DECISIONS GODDAMMIT. HE IS YOUNG AND PLIABLE!! WHAT DID YOU DO, OFFER HIM CANDY. DID YOU PROMISE YOU WOULD TAKE HIM TO CHUCK E. CHEESE AFTER IF HE WAS GOOD

SON OF A BITCH ARE YOU GUILTING HIM

I DON’T LIKE THIS, MIDNIGHT. I MEAN, YOU ALREADY KNOW, IT’S NOT LIKE I’VE MADE A BIG SECRET OF IT OR ANYTHING. GUH

and he’s shouting back “no I don’t think you adults are pathetic at all!” while still looking terrified! goddammit how do I cast protection on a fictional character in a manga. I don’t play D&D, but D&D players can do that, right? how do I create a shield around my party. Kaminari you stay put while I try and figure this all out

lmaoooooo Tokoyami’s words of encouragement

A MAGNIFICENT FELLOW. you guys I’m gonna be honest, lately I’ve been enjoying these fan scanlations even more than the official ones at times. obviously Viz’s are fine and good, but sometimes it’s almost like they localize everything a little too much, you know? most people don’t go around calling other people magnificent fellows, but would Tokoyami? yes. yes he would. I believe this in every fiber of my heart

LMAO KAMINARI

“KAMINARI, I REALIZED WHEN WE WERE PLAYING GUITAR TOGETHER... WAY TO WHITE-KNUCKLE THOSE SICK FRETS, HALEN.” thank you so much for that Tokoyami but we are kind of in the middle of something so I’m not sure if right now is really the time to start asking my boy here for his autograph. after, maybe

now Cementoss is literally screaming “ATTACK!” and throwing subtlety to the winds

and now we’re back to this!

and it looks like this is most likely Cementoss using his quirk to tear the building in half! so that’s one mystery from last week solved! holy shit you guys I just realized we’re actually going to see Cementoss in action. so long as the environment is right, dude is a literal earthbender. we may be in for a rare treat

Skeptic is shouting at his minions to alert the Council. it’s okay, Cementoss already alerted them for you I’m pretty sure

so he’s sending Violet and Black to the front entrance, and Cleveland and Carmine to the Assembly Hall (where the Council is). these, if you recall, are the names of the various Vanguard squads, though I don’t recall who is actually on which squad and I really don’t want to go back and look it up... but fine!

okay, Twice is on the Black squad and Dabi and Otter Pop are on Violet. so they’re being dispatched to the front, while Toga, Compress, Spinner, and Skeptic himself (how convenient for you Skeptic) are heading to the Assembly Hall. isn’t that nice that Dabi is heading out to the front, where my son Kaminari “Clapton” Denki is. hahaha. fuck

Lefty Hair is now making a sudden appearance and giving Skeptic some threatening “you majorly fucked up and the only reason I’m letting it slide for now is because we’ve got bigger things to worry about” vibes, which I like. also he has a cigarette. it’s been a while since I’ve seen a manga character actually smoke a cigarette. I guess only villains are allowed to smoke them now

YOU GUYS LOOK HOW FUCKING RAW CEMENTOSS LOOKS HERE HOLY SHIT

HOW MANY PEOPLE IS CEMENTOSS GOING TO KILL TODAY. place your bets. and is cement stronger than fire. please don’t die Cementoss

YOU GUYS HE FUCKING SLAMMED THE FUCKING BUILDING OPEN LIKE ARAGORN OPENING THOSE FUCKING DOUBLE DOORS IN THE TWO TOWERS. I KNOW YOU CAN’T ACTUALLY SLAM A DOOR OPEN BUT ARE WE GOING TO SIT HERE AND ARGUE SEMANTICS ALL DAY OR ARE WE GOING TO KEEP READING??

ARE WE EVEN ALLOWED TO HAVE THIS MUCH BADASSERY IN A CHAPTER THAT DOESN’T HAVE MIRUKO IN IT. LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY FORGOT TO INFORM THE BADASSERY GUILD THAT THEIR UNION MEMBERS ARE WORKING OVERTIME. I DON’T KNOW WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS METAPHOR I GOT TOO EXCITED

by the way I like how a key part of their “let’s contain all the villains” plan was to open up their secret HQ and spill them all out like a bunch of ants. everyone knows this is the best way to keep people contained. instead of stationing people outside of every exit, let’s just make the entire building into one giant exit and MELEE AWAY ALL YOUR PROBLEMS

who died and made Lefty the smartest guy in the room

if only they had all listened to you, Mister Smart Guy. you’re so smart. why didn’t they put you in charge. probably just because they were jealous

booooo it looks like Black and Violet are attacking but Twice and Dabi are nowhere to be found! because they’re part of the Council?? boooo

Best Sweaterist can do anything a sweater can do. it’s not a very good power. everyone was all “you look like the number 3 hero you must be really strong” and so she got promoted waaaaay above her skill level and it’s too late for her to do anything about it now so good luck Best Sweaterist

finally some people from the League!

but where is Hawks? AND WHY IS DABI HEADING THE OPPOSITE WAY AS EVERYONE ELSE HOLY SHIT

LOL HAWKS YOU BEST MAKE YOURSELF SCARCE MY DUDE. OH FUCK

(ETA: Dabi is either going to arrive just in time to save Twice, or just in time to witness Hawks murdering him, and I’m not sure which would be worse.)

OH MY GOD EDGESHOT GOT A LINE

I CAN’T FUCKING WAIT TO HEAR THIS WITH MY OWN TWO EARS IN THE ANIME. IT’S GONNA BE SO GREAT AH MAN. but real talk, Miruko should be above him in the power rankings. I’m sorry I don’t make the rules. but unless you kill three Noumus within the next few pages here I’d say it’s pretty clear cut

OH NO MY SIX-YEAR-OLD SON, MY POOR BABY, HE LOOKS SO FRIGHTENED NOW. LIKE GENUINELY AFRAID-FOR-HIS-LIFE FRIGHTENED AND NOT JUST COMICALLY FRIGHTENED OH MY GOD I CAN’T

Kaminari you sweet little lamb, it’s going to be okay. you just take a deep breath and zap some of these PLF fuckers and then you can go run and hide and you’ll be playing tacky arcade games and eating hit-or-miss-quality pizza before you know it

Kami is actually in a lot of danger here what with how helpless he gets after he uses too much of his quirk though. (unless of course you subscribe to the theory that he doesn’t actually go dumb at all and that’s when he’s secretly transmitting his traitor messages to the zetans.) whose fucking idea was it to put him on the front lines, honestly. he’s only four!!

fuck me, Midnight sees him panicking and she’s being all soothing and encouraging while also being ridiculously sexy as usual. dammit Midnight

hey Kaminari if you want to think about Momo and Jirou I’m not going to complain, I just want you to know that. you can even make it all platonic by just saying “my friends.” either way is fine and I will respect your smokescreen

ahh he’s turning around and the camera is zooming back to the woods where the rest of 1-A are!

the title of this chapter is becoming surprisingly meaningful!! well played!

WOW

I don’t even know what to say?! I basically just slapped both of my cheeks and said “AWWW” out loud?! would you fucking look at these two bisexual icons living it up in this the year of our lord 2020. what a blessing

oh hey this guy decided it was time for him to talk again

okay Kami I give you permission to go pikachu on his ass. go ahead and show us why the heroes went ahead and violated ILO conventions in order to bring you here

don’t tell me this guy is also an electric type. lol who could have guessed that, there were absolutely no clues at all in his hairstyle or anywhere else. I would definitely have noticed something like that because I definitely pay attention to these things lol

(ETA: and presumably the heroes knew the identities of the Vanguard squadron leaders thanks to Hawks, and knew they had to have some sort of plan in place for this guy’s quirk, hence them being all “hey Kaminari let’s talk.”)

anyway

OH SHIT YOU GUYS KAMINARI IS ABOUT TO BE A BADASS!?

MOTHERFUCKER WAS THAT A SHOUNEN WOOSH???! whaaaaaat oh shit everybody brace yourselves

and now a Tokoyami flashback to the two of them jamming like little hero Hendrixes

because he prioritized the health of his fingers beneath his desire to learn the guitar to help his friends perform, you realized he was truly a magnificent fellow. aw shit it’s all coming together

yep

look how evil that smile in the last panel is. clearly the traitor. probably this other electric man is his dad

USING AN ELECTRIC ATTACK AGAINST ANOTHER ELECTRIC TYPE CLEARLY WON’T WORK AND THUS THIS IS ONLY A FAKE ATTACK DESIGNED IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN HIS COVER!

LOOK HOW EVIL HE IS

HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN A FIVE-YEAR-OLD HAVING THIS KIND OF RAW FIREPOWER UNLESS HE’S SECRETLY EVIL!??!

OH MY GOD I LITERALLY SAID “OH MY GOD” VERY LOUDLY IN REAL LIFE AND NOW I’M HOPING MY NEIGHBORS DIDN’T HEAR HOW LOUDLY AND EMBARASSINGLY I SAID “OH MY GOD”

FUUUUCK

just. it’s like this weird and crazy feeling that’s a combination of adrenaline and chills-rushing-up-your-spine. that’s the sensation of clicking to a page and suddenly seeing the thing we fucking knew was going to happen, but just because we knew doesn’t mean we actually wanted it to happen, shit

holy shit. does Jin have to die in order for the heroes to succeed? probably. do I want it to actually happen? NO. am I suddenly reevaluating every single thing I thought I knew about Hawks and mentally updating Jeanist’s presumed mortality status in my head?? yes. are Hawks’s eyes here going to give me nightmares for the entire coming week? also yes. am I really unsettled wondering if those eyes were the last thing Jeanist ever saw? listen why do you keep asking me all of these intrusive and deeply upsetting questions like I’m some kind of magic 8 ball?? am I going to be on the edge of my fucking seat now waiting for next week? fuck

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #415

“your skeletons are building  /  your closet’s getting tight  /  are you the prey or spider in the web of all your lies?”

Who was the last person you fell asleep with? Besides my cat, Sara. Have you ever punched a hole in the wall? No. Have you ever felt replaced? On more than one occasion. -_- Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? I don't remember. The last job I got was at a deli, but idk if it's the last thing I applied for. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. What financial class are you? I don't know the actual income ranges, but I think lower? I'm not the one who handles the finances in this house, but I know we're definitely poor. What poster is hanging closest to you? A Metallica one. Are you more comfortable with men or women? Women. I'm afraid of men. Do you think you’re fat? Everything on me is fat except my ass. :^) What does your mom do that annoys you? She's always right. At least she thinks so. How much older than you have you dated? However old Juan was in high school. At least four years. Last person to call you beautiful to your face? Idk. What color are the walls in your room? Off-white. Would you ever consider piercing your lip? It's been pierced forever now. It's like, part of my identity by now lmao. Have you ever gotten a sunburn so bad it hurt to move? Try sun poisoning. Flesh bubbling up and all that shit. Did you speak to your father today? No. Name the people you miss RIGHT NOW? That's... a long list. Jason, his mom, Megan, Alex, Hannia, Julia, etc. etc. I'd rather not dwell on all the people I could possibly list. Do you have a brother? Yeah. He's technically my half-brother, but my brother all the same. Have you ever kissed on a boat? No. Do you mind being cold? Nah. I'd FAR rather be cold than hot. Are you afraid of falling in love? You bet your ass I am. What is something you wish you had more of? Adventure. When you take a drink of something, do you hold your pinky up? I've actually noticed myself do that before, ha ha. I don't think it's something I do regularly? Do you write how you speak? Pretty much exactly how I speak. In the past week have you cried? A few times. Have you ever fallen backwards on a chair? HA, yes. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Nnnnnope. Do you bathe your pets regularly? I have a cat and a snake, so no. What was the last animal you saw and was it a pet? My cat is sleeping right next to me. Have you ever had an ear infection? I had so many as a baby that I had to have tubes put in my ears. Then I had two WICKED ones a few years ago because my former doctor is a fucking idiot who didn't dry out my ears at all when she tried to wash my ears out of wax. The interior of my ears were just so wet that the ear infections I got in both were fucking excruciating. What’s your favorite thing to order when you get Chinese food? Just pork fried rice and eggrolls. Have you ever been hospitalized due to dehydration? No, not for that specifically. When you listen to music with headphones, do you keep the volume low enough to hear surrounding noise faintly or do you blast it? I honestly blast it, lol. What’s your favorite online radio site? I don't have one. Do your parents have any authority over who you date? Definitely not now at 25, but they didn't control who I dated when I was younger either. Have you ever watched an anime series start to finish? Multiple. Would you rather date your first or last ex again? If you're talking my first "real" partner as my first ex, I'd still rather date my last ex. I don't think it's smart for me to ever be with Jason again. What do you miss about being a little kid? I miss that confident belief I had that I would figure it all out one day. That I'd have a good, prosperous future. Look at us now, kiddo. When’s the last time you babysat someone? It's been around a year, at least? I think? I really didn't want to because I don't feel comfortable being the provider for a kid, but Ashley really needed me to. What's your birthstone? Amethyst. Have you ever used nose spray? Yeah, I actually have a prescription for it, but I neglect to use it most of the time... Are you close to your grandma? They're both dead. I didn't know Dad's mom very well at all, while Mom's mom and I never got along very well. Do you like Twizzlers? NO. Ugh they taste awful. When was the last time it stormed really bad where you live? A few days ago. Afternoon storms are common this time of year. Have you ever cried because you couldn’t be with someone? You have no idea how many times. Have you ever taken Ambien to fall asleep? Yeah, regularly when I was in the psych hospital. It didn't work for me, though. Have you ever slept in a water bed? Yes. How often do you use Flickr? I only ever check my friend's page for her meerkat photos. Have you hung out with any guys recently? No. Do you use Febreze on your furniture? Yes. Have you ever skipped school because you were tired? Yes. Have you ever lived in a house with a basement? No. The last two people you kissed, what’s something they have in common? They're both very loyal. When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with your life? Honestly, probably not since I started recovery have I been TRULY happy. I thought I was getting back on track. Do you have anything that does not belong to you, or that you aren’t allowed to/supposed to have? No. Honestly who was the last person to tell you they love you? My mom. Are there any specific words that trigger bad memories for you? "Taco soup." I'm not kidding. Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? No. Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in? Yes. She did, but hey, was for the better I'm positive. I didn't need to date him. Got in too much trouble. Have you ever fallen asleep in an opposite sex’s bed? Yes. If you had more money, do you think that you would be a happier person? I fucking know I would. Being poor your whole life will do that. Money CAN buy some degree of happiness. How old were you when you spent your first night away from your parents? I'm unsure, but I know later than most little kids because I had AWFUL separation anxiety from my mom. Do you prefer white or wheat bread? Wheat. What was the last thing you prayed for/about? I don’t pray. Have you ever had a birthday party at McDonald’s? Hmmm... I don't THINK so, but I won't say there's no possibility. As a kid, where did you want to have your party at the most? Chuck E. Cheese, probably. if your friend is dating someone ugly, do you voice your opinion? Um, no? Who the fuck cares if someone who isn't dating the person thinks they're unattractive? That has zero effect on me. Do you consume more ketchup, mustard, or barbecue sauce? Ketchup. Are you more sympathetic towards animals or humans? Animals. Animals aren't jackasses. They're pure and innocent without a speck of willing evil in their hearts. Is there anything you want to live to tell your grandchildren? I don't even want children, so. What is the first thing you do when you get on the computer? I check KM. What do you mainly watch on YouTube? Let's plays, tarantula and reptile channels, WoW goldmaking channels... really a loooot of stuff. YouTube is pretty much my TV, so I gotta have lots of topics of interest, ha ha. What do people most pick on you about? How I'm always on the computer. Just don't. Would you rather go to the mountains or the beach? The mountains. If you could dye your hair one color, what would it be? Something pastel. Maybe light pink. How many people have you kissed, that you can HONESTLY say you loved? Two. If you have pets, do they ever get table scraps? As a snake, Venus obviously doesn't, and Roman doesn't, either. He learned as a kitten that eating human food is a no-no. Have you ever been on a diet? Many times. Have you ever been the victim of an ingrown toenail? A slight one that I could fix myself. Still hurt like a bitch. What’s your favorite romance movie? The Notebook. What do you dip your chicken nuggets in? Ketchup, normally. Is there someone that you would kiss right now if they wanted to? Yes. What’s the nicest meal that someone else has ever cooked for you? *shrug* How many friends do you have of the opposite sex? Two. Would it suck to have to share a bed every night? Not really. I loved sleeping with Jason when we briefly lived together. It was comforting. What will your next piercing be? Probably my nostril again. Do you have any weapons for personal protection? No, but I want one.

[thelegendofclarke]

Hi! I love your blog and I’m fascinated about your personality, you seem such a wonderful person! Could you share with us, dear followers, about life lessons you learned in your life? I trust that you have some few good advice. P.S. Your tags are the best, they are gold!

Hey anon!

well first of all i want to apologize to you because it has been approximately TWELVE HUNDRED YEARS since you sent me this ask and i have truly been The Worst™ about answering my asks. and THANK YOU SO MUCH for your kind words, you are so sweet ❤ ❤ ❤

i really wanted to answer this with some variation on “my advice is to never ask me for advice” lol because i have no idea what i’m doing. like seriously, 95% of the time this is a fly by the seat of my pants, fake it til ya make it operation. BUT i made you wait SO LONG and i didn’t want to leave you hanging, so i made you a list of some Random Life Lessons i’ve accumulated during my sad, sorry existence on this earth.

HERE WE GO…

Never assume you are the smartest person in the room.

You are never too old to use Johnson & Johnson baby products, go to Chuck-E-Cheese, enjoy a nice ice cream cake, or eat Lunchables.

You are not bound or beholden to anyone else’s perception of you… Fuck them, they don’t know your life.

Dear dudes: if when you say “boys don’t like when girls…” Our response is ALWAYS going to be “girls don’t gaf.”

Don’t waste any of your time fucking with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.

You see a relationship needs to be mutually beneficial. If you’re both not getting something you want it’s a bad relationship.

The high road is like, the worst road ever and annoying af while you’re one it… but at the end of the day, taking it will probably make you feel better about yourself.

Pickle juice is an EXCELLENT chaser.

Let your instincts and the hair on the back of your neck dictate what you do, NOT politeness.

If someone is constantly accusing you of cheating on them it’s because they are cheating on you constantly.

JELL-O No-Bake Boxed Cheesecake is actually pretty damn good.

Never let anyone make you feel like you owe them anything more than yourself.

Blavy is terrible and does not look good on ANYONE. I don’t care that Tom Ford and Marc Jacobs said it’s ok now… It’s not.

Don’t care about what people say behind your back. Theres a reason why they’re behind you.

Find good friends that you trust that you can be an asshole with in private so you don’t act like an even bigger asshole in public.

Don’t ever let anyone make you feel shitty or belittle you for caring about things; and the same goes for getting excited about things.

Related to the above, don’t ever belittle or go out of your way to make people feel shitty about the things they can and get excited about. It’s truly one of the meanest things you can do.

Whenever you get to a new campus, whether it be uni or grad school or study abroad, ALWAYS walk to where all your classes will be BEFORE the term starts. Seriously, the walking estimated time on the maps thingies are full of shit.

Don’t ever say “i’m sorry you feel that way” to people. Honestly, you sound like a douche. And you’re not sorry.

If you ever get to a point in a relationship where you are seriously considering cheating on your significant other, just break up with them. It’s time.

Learn at least one self defense move… It doesn’t matter if it’s a kick or a punch or whatever. just make sure you know one and make sure you know it really well.

There is a difference between “being a risk taker” and “being a dumbass.” You’ll know it when you see it.

The same goes for things like “being realistic” vs. “being a fucking bummer”… Just kep an eye out ya know?

If you have had a disagreement with someone but you guys talk it out and decide you are going to move on from it, move on from it. If you are still angry, you need to let the other person know that.

Never, NEVER, let your first date with someone be to a wedding.

Same goes for funerals, bar/bat mitzvah’s, quinces, or any other large family gathering. at least go out for coffee first or something.

It doesn’t matter how far away from his mamma he moves, a mamma’s boy will always be a mamma’s boy.

“Brutal honesty” is called that because it usually involves brutalizing someone. so ask yourself, is your brutality really needed or appreciated?

Standing up for yourself shouldn’t involve walking all over someone else or making them feel shitty. Those 2 things should not be mutually exclusive.

Never let a teacher or authority figure make you feel stupid for not being good enough at certain school subjects.

Trust your instincts about the following: boys, friends, people trying to sell you shit, people trying to get you to sign shit.

If for any reason you are in a situation where police are involved, do NOT speak to them without a lawyer, parent, or some kind of other advocate present

It’s ok to wait to get your license until you feel ready to drive

Don’t worry about your weight. It fluctuates as you grow because your insides are growing too. It is natural.

if you notice something about someone’s appearance and they can’t fix it right away, don’t tell them. For example, if you are at a bar with friends, Good: “hey you have lipstick on your teeth.” Bad: “hey that shirt is really unflattering.”

Don’t every tell anyone someone “loves them in their own way.” it’s shitty. don’t say it… there is no wrong way to love someone, but there are things that are not love.

You don’t have to be anyone’s sidekick friend… You are no one’s sidekick.

“Be stubborn about your goals but flexible about your methods.”

Get rid of stuff you don’t use. Unused and unappreciated things make us feel bad.

Listen to Dolly Parton’s “Jolene” slowed down to 33 rpm, at least once in your life.

If a dude ever tells you in all seriousness that he loves fight club and/or Tyler Durden, run. Run fast, and run far.

If you ever find yourself wondering if you sound or are being condescending, you are.

Know how to cook at least one thing well enough that you can do it from memory. even if its just pasta or chicken or something… there will come a time in your life where you are going to have to unexpectedly feed yourself. don’t be caught unprepared.

Try to avoid doing the following: making promises when you are really excited. responding when you are angry. making decisions when you are sad.

You have to be willing to cut off people who make you unhappy. it’s going to really suck and you are going to feel really guilty. and chances are they are going to get pissed and it will be very unpleasant. but you have to cut off toxic relationships. The only thing toxic that you should still be in contact with is that song Britney Spears made, because that song is lit af.

And going along with that, life is too short to pretend like you don’t love britney spears or taylor swift or whatever pop music makes you happy. seriously, if people are going to give you shit about that, they can kiss your ass.

When you make a to do list add a few things that you have already done or that you can get done in the next hour or so, because it feels really good to cross things off.

Going back to an old relationship is like rewatching a movie and expecting a different ending to happen… spoiler alert: ain’t nothing gonna change

Never mistake kindness for weakness or silence for stupidity.

“One of the biggest lies we’re told is that ‘everything happens for a reason.’ Allow yourself to remember that accidents happen, and not all of them have to shape your life. Try to let go of toxic people and situations that are harming you. Not all lessons are worth learning the hard way. Take care of yourself.”

If someone is complaining to you about something and you are going to give them advice, ask first. say “do you want advice or do you just need to vent?” because unwanted advice when someone is already annoyed is never going to help the situation.

Telling someone to “calm down” has never worked. ever. in all of history… I’ve checked. Repeatedly.

“You all have a little bit of ‘I want to save the world’ in you, that’s why you’re here, in college. I want you to know that it’s okay if you only save one person, and it’s okay if that person is you.”

When you can’t be honest with people, you can’t ever relax with them.

Don’t listen to the people who tell you ‘if you give up, you never wanted it in the first place.’ Sometimes, it’s okay to give up on things.

All relationships have to have mutual effort… If they wanna talk to you, they will. If they wanna be with you, they will. If they wanna make things work, they will. Don’t let things be one sided. It’s not healthy, and it’s not fair to you.

You deserve friends who treat you with love and respect. You deserve friends that listen to you. You deserve friends that try to understand your feelings and respect them. You deserve positive and healthy friendships. Don’t settle for less.

Don’t take yourself too seriously… Sometimes ridiculous, dumb shit is gonna happen to you and you should recognize it for what it is: a really good story you can tell at parties.

It’s really, really important to realize that missing someone or something and wanting it back are two very, very different things.

Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s a bad thing to feel things deeply. A full heart is a strong heart and being soft doesn’t make you weak. Being soft and loving makes you radiant. you deserve all of the love in the world and so many good things.

Everyone (including your family, your coworkers, and your best friend) will talk about you behind your back, and you’ll talk about them too. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other.

There are some people who will nitpick and dwell over your tiniest faults just to make them feel superior. Leave them be to find satisfaction. Only the insecure think that another’s flaws and shortcomings can become their own merits.

You’re not fake simply because you act differently depending on the person you’re with. Different personalities bring out different aspects of your personality. You’re complex and multidimensional and you contain fucking multitudes man; it’s beautiful.

Whenever you go somewhere new, try to go to at least one restaurant recommended by a local. Seriously, 9 times out of 10 it will be the best meal you have on the whole trip.

Please, for the love of god, just walk your drunk friends to the door. Sooo much can happened between your car and the door.

Learn the difference between something that makes you feel bad, and something that’s wrong. A thing can feel bad and be right, and it can feel good and be wrong… In the end, being able to look at yourself in the mirror will end up being the most important thing.

If you need to stop for any reason in a public place, move off to the side first.

Unless it’s been agreed about before hand, don’t keep score about paying for things. If you offer to pay for something, don’t do it with the expectation that you must be reciprocated later.

Honestly, don’t keep score with anything tbh. Half the time people don’t know they are playing in the first place.

If you wear a kick ass outfit but don’t see anyone the day you wear it, it’s ok to wear it again the next day.

Be aware of the toxic and intoxicating effect of bad moods.

Unless you are the DD or don’t drink, avoid being the least sober person in the room. just, trust me.

Never settle for less than you deserve, if you’re unhappy move on you will find happiness eventually and when you do it will be such a wonderful feeling.

Some people are just naturally good at things, it happens. Don’t measure yourself against those people. That is just asking for a migraine and an inferiority complex.

Try not to use the excuse “because that’s how other people do it”… Sometimes you need to do better than the people that came before you.

It is perfectly reasonable to judge someone based on their politics. Peoples’ politics reflect their opinions on damn near everything.

If you are going to have a casual sexual relationship with someone (aka have a fuck buddy) be real clear about those Terms and Conditions a head of time.

If you can only be clever or funny at the expense of others or their feelings, you aren’t actually clever or funny. You’re just a bully.

People who say “learn to take a joke” or “learn to laugh at yourself” can never take a joke or laugh at themselves. I know this to be true to a fault. 

Don’t use words when you don’t know what they mean… I know this sounds stupid, but seriously. You would be shocked. Just don’t do it.

Sex should never be painful (unless there is explicit consent) or make you uncomfortable… There is a HUGE difference between trying something that is outside your sexual comfort zone and doing sexual things that make you feel bad or uncomfortable. And anyone pushing you do to the latter is not someone you need to be in a relationship with, sexually or otherwise.

For the love of god and all that is holy and unholy… BE AWARE OF YOUR FACIAL EXPRESSIONS.

Never give anyone else control over your mental health or mental state.

Try to stay away from people who hit/throw things when they are angry or get really angry when they are drunk.

Don’t approach relationships with people with the goal of like, changing or saving or educating them. That’s not your job.

If someone goes after your looks or your intelligence, it means they have nothing else to say.

If you are going to make people feel shitty for being a virgin OR for having sex, you are an asshole. Bottom line. No exceptions.

If you are gonna fuck around with Ouija boards and shit like that, be ready for what you are getting yourself into.

Pick one day a week where you clean or tidy your personal space. You will feel so much better about life.

Sometimes you are going to have to do things you don’t want to do or go places you don’t want to go because someone you love wants to. If your bff wants to go to a concert for a band you don’t like/have never heard of for their birthday or see a movie you don’t really want to see, just do it. Small things like that can make people so happy. You are doing it because you care, you aren’t forfeiting anything.

Don’t let people take advantage of your or walk all over you or take things out on you… a) they may not even realize they ARE doing it and will KEEP doing, or b) they will know they CAN and they will KEEP doing it.

Not every Hill has to be The Hill You Will Die On… Like, you can just camp out there for a little while. it’s fine.

Try to buy a few extra birthday/special occasion cards and like $5-$10 gifts cards to Starbucks or Target or something like that to have one hand. Because i am telling you rn, there will come a time where you will completely forget someone important’s birthday.

There are going to be people who hate you based solely on what someone else told them about you. Yes it’s shitty. But 9 times out of 10 no, neither of them are worth your effort.

There are also going to be people who hate you for no particular reason and get pissed off about everything you do. don’t try to appease them because it will just make you hate yourself… At some point EVERYONE is someone’s “Bitch Eating Crackers.” You should just keep eating your crackers.

Likewise, if you find yourself getting pissed off or annoyed at everything someone does, don’t interact with them. You are just going to prolong your own pain, suffering, and pissiness.

A lot of the time, headaches can be cured by one of the following: sleep, food, water, tylenol, or loosening your ponytail… Make sure to try al those before you start freaking out about having a brain tumor.

The whole “nothing good happens after 2 am” thing is a myth… If you are out and having fun, stay out. Have fun!

Spite can actually be a really good motivator. seriously, it can make you so productive… just don’t let it make you insufferable.

Ignore 1-star and 5-star reviews of books, hotels and products. The 3-star reviews will answer all your actual questions.

Learn keyboard shortcuts. If you don’t know what CTRL + Z does, your life is definitely harder than it has to be.

If it ever comes down to other people liking you and you liking yourself, always pick yourself. ALWAYS… Being able to look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day it highly underrated.

Verbal, emotional, mental and financial abuse are STILL ABUSE… And you don’t have to put up with that shit.

If you are ever about to bitch someone out, take a breath and count to 100 before doing it. It will give you time to either calm down and walk away OR think of really good insults.

Even the nicest people have their limits. Don’t try to reach that point because the nicest people are also the scariest assholes when they’ve had enough… “Demons run when a good man goes to war.”

Things that you should try to never start a sentence with: “no offense,” “not to be rude,” “well actually.”

Splurge on cute underwear, good booze, and fancy food every once in a while. it’s totally worth it.

Every occasion can be a dress up, champagne, and fancy china occasion if you believe in yourself.

People who are nice to you but mean to waiters, retail workers, animals, or their mothers are not actually nice people.

It is just as important to be aware of and acknowledge what you don’t know as it is to be aware of and acknowledge what you do know.

If you unironically use the term “friendzone” you deserve to get punched in the face and/or kicked on the ass… Idgasf what the context or situation is, you absolutely deserve it!

Every good relationship should be mutually beneficial and must have mutual trust, mutual respect, and mutual effort… If it doesn’t have one of these, it’s not a good relationship.

There’s gonna come a point in time in your life when you are going to start to feel icky if you go too long with out eating a fruit and/or vegetable… It’s gonna be around the same general time when you should start taking a daily multivitamin.

Your sexuality is what you say it is. Period. And it’s ok if you don’t know exactly what that is right now or if it changes at any time in the future. Fuck anyone who tells you otherwise, they can get bent.

You are not required to disclose any kind of personal information about yourself and no one is entitled to that information in order for you and your opinion to be respected… However, if you are going to argue a point or hold yourself out as a representative of a certain minority/class/demographic, there is probably going to come a point in time where you need to back up your arguments with the necessary information. Just be prepared to put your money where your mouth is.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I’m pretty sure you’re still being a dick… Don’t take advantage of peoples’ faith or trust in you. It’s a dick move, just don’t do it.

The same goes for not cheating on your significant others or betraying your friends… Seriously it is SO EASY to not treat people like shit. It takes slim to no effort.

Be aware that when you make blanket statements about groups of people, there are really no such things as exclusionary or exception clauses… Like, you can’t tell someone in that group “but i’m not talking about YOU” because you are. You are talking about them. That’s just, quite literally, how making generalizations works.

STAY IN YOUR LANE! When you have to get over be polite and USE YOUR GODDAMN BLINKER... This applies to sooo many things in life besides just driving.

[psychefm]

talk to the hand [ booboo stewart ], [ deon damgaard ] is the new kid on the block around here. at [ twenty one ], the [ demi boy ] works at [ chuck e cheese ] in the mall and, like, [ he ] totally reminds us of [ travis birkenstock ]. oh snap! what? their favorite movie is [ addams family values ]???? so is mine! (pepper, she/her, twenty three, est )

ABOUT THE MUN. hey demons, it’s ya gurl pepper

tumblr still hates me, and yk what i hate it right back. 

BIO. i need a himbo! i’m holding out for a himbo at the end of the night! he’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be fast, and he’s gotta be dumb and polite! suicide tw, depression tw, death tw !!!

Deon Damgaard was born from a tryst of passion. In other words, an affair. A very exciting affair, if that makes things any better. Said affair was between his mother, a talented young pianist, and his father, an influential, very much married businessman. You see, his father saw his mother play once and instantly fell in love. He came to every single one of his mother’s performances after that, and every time he did he left her flowers. Extravagant, beautiful flowers, the kind of flowers that make an impact on a woman, apparently. And they must have, because before long Deon’s mother was falling just as in love with Deon’s father as he was with her. And obviously you know what happens next. Deon.

Now, the thing about passionate love affairs is that they’re love affairs for a reason. There’s the love part of course. But there’s also the affair part. And that’s where things get complicated. Because despite being utterly, and completely in love with Deon’s mother, his father was still married. And he had no intention of ending his marriage, even for love.

But Deon’s mother didn’t know that at first. You see, Deon has inherited his mother’s easy optimism. The woman was in love and she believed with absolute surety that the love of her life would ultimately choose her. And so she waited for that day. And waited. And waited.

She spent most of the first few years of Deon’s life waiting, but the longer she waited the less Deon’s father even bothered to come around. The thing with falling in love hard and fast is that you can fall out of love just as quickly. And that’s exactly what Deon’s father did. He fell out of love like it was nothing.

So there was Deon’s mother, with a baby she shared with a man who didn’t love her anymore. One that carried his last name against his wishes, one that even had the name that he’d said he’d always wanted to give a son. One that she loved, truly. But that love wasn’t enough. Because Deon’s mother was in pain. More pain than a little baby like Deon could understand. Enough pain to end her own life.

Deon was six at the time. Not old enough to know what was happening, but old enough to understand that something was wrong. Especially when he quickly found himself in an orphanage. His father never claimed him of course. Deon doesn’t even know if he mourned his mother. Or if he wanted to come to her funeral. All he knows is that he wasn’t there.

There’s not much to be said after that, or at least nothing as poetic as the beginning. Deon was put into the foster system and he was never really wanted again. Well. Maybe that’s not completely true. The truth is no one ever wanted to adopt him. But he always hoped someone would. He’d be passed from family to family to family, bright eyed and hoping like the optimistic child he was. But they never wanted him. Some said he was too hyper. Others said he was too curious. More than a few just said he was too odd, and Deon always found that strange. That he was too odd to keep. Too odd to love.

Of course most of them didn’t expect Deon to be eavesdropping when they said these things so Deon couldn’t really fault them. They didn’t mean to hurt him. And so he could never truly hate them. He couldn’t find it in his heart to. But it was painful, to get his hopes up each time only to have them dashed away. Whether that be by being tossed aside like nothing but a nuisance or tossed around like nothing but a rag doll. It always hurt to seek love and give love and yet never get any in return. 

Deon moved to Strawberry, Nebraska at thirteen to be fostered by a cold, gruff couple who didn’t really have much of an interest in him other than the checks he provided. It took a while for Deon to realize that and even longer for him to accept it, and honestly some part of him still hasn’t. Even to this day Deon will try with them, just optimistically hoping that this one extra act of kindness, or one extra attempt at bonding will be the one to break the camels back and make them like him. It never is though. But at the very least Jack and Barb Finchum never got rid of him. They kept him around for the money, and due to this Deon got to stick around Strawberry. Strawberry is the place he’s been the longest in his entire life. 

And after Deon realized that he might be around for good he started trying harder than ever to make friends. Prior to Strawberry Deon had never really made many, and honestly he  tried to see it as a blessing. I mean, could you imagine having to leave not only your family but also friends time after time? It would be too much to bear. So Deon did his best to see it as a good thing. But now that he had the opportunity Deon was trying harder than ever to find his people. Maybe a bit too hard. Honestly Deon was probably known throughout town for being the weird loud kid, and he was pretty okay with that. I mean, he didn’t know it but he would be okay with it if he did. 

Was the guy you’d see at every house party, the guy who would make an elaborate plan to skateboard down the stairwell railing of the school on a dare, who would do your big chemistry project for nothing but a couple of joints and a taco, because that’s another thing, despite being a complete idiot Deon is also somehow a genius. Like he’s stupid, but he’s good at school, mostly because Deon quickly learned that everything in life had a price: food, toys, family, but school? School was free, and he adored it. Okay, maybe not all of it. English and foreign languages and god, history, all of that was painfully boring even if Deon could pass. But science? Science was the one thing that he had to look forward to throughout most of his childhood. And it continued to be that one thing into his young adulthood.

The majority of Deon’s said young adulthood was also spent sporadically behind bars. Let’s just say Deon fell into the wrong crowd. It wasn’t on purpose, Deon has just and likely always will be the kind of person who is eager for friendship. All these kids had to do was be even slightly nice to him and ‘sure, man! i can totally hotwire that car for you!’. That’s not to say Deon was completely innocent himself. Most of his arrests for theft, graffiti, and street racing, were products of his own doing. But sometimes, Deon just happened to be the guy abandoned at the scene of the crime. He never gave up his friends, no matter what the cops threatened him with, but he unfortunately never had the privilege of having his loyalty returned.

Deon stayed out of juvie by the skin of his teeth. It was mostly due to the fact that strawberry wasn’t a particularly big town, and Deon could usually endear the small town sheriff to him with his incessant chatter, and well meaning demeanor. He honestly made friends with more than a few of the cops that had arrested him, and there are more than a few that Deon would still call up today and chat with. He is probably in mall jail all the time for little things honestly. Sorry Peter. 

Despite his dabbling in crime, Deon graduated from high school with an almost spotless GPA and partial to full scholarships to more than a few universities including Harvard, MIT, Yale. Deon was kind of startled by all of the offers, but he did have more than a few projects during his years of schooling that caught the universities attention (including making the car from back to the future for fun but also making it so that it could possibly run on electricity, making a small robot that could run on used vegetable oil, etc). But with all the offers, Deon decided to stay local, because I would like to think that he finally made friends here and he could never just leave them now that he did. 

I feel like Deon has been working at Chuck E Cheese since he was maybe fourteen? And he loves it, he has the time of his life every shift. Likes to go around and play with the kids, can generally be depended on to fix the animatronics when they’re acting up, honestly probably started working there because he kept fucking with the animatronics for fun in his spare time and realized he could actually fix them too. that said, he still likes to reprogram chuckie himself to like do the worm or something. he has a great time with it, and i am so sorry kath.

okay that’s it i think 

HEADCANNONS. if i get shot do i own the bullet? like can i keep it?

this is deon.

fun fact, i originally made deon as an npc in a house party para i was doing with my friend sdkjsdjk he was genuinely made to be as annoying as possible but then my friend actually really liked him so now he’s a whole ass muse. that said if he is annoying… it’s because he was legit designed to be i’m sorry folks sdkjdskj fingers crossed he’s not though! but grating traits he has: never stops talking man, says man, dude, bruh, and bro, constantly. CONSTANTLY. you’ll be having a conversation with him and he’ll just blurt out something completely off topic??? HE’S SO LOUD TOO! And incredibly inappropriate god

that said deon was also inspired by jason mendoza and i literally teared up writing that because i’m still not over the end of the good place so dkjsdkj let’s move on!

loves back to the future and honestly i should have put back to the future as his favourite movie but i really didn’t remember it existed until now. 

has a septum piercing, a tongue piercing, a smiley piercing, a nipple piercing on his left nipple and several tattoos, most of which he’s done himself after buying a tattoo gun (honestly you shouldn’t let deon tattoo you because he just does whatever comes to him at the time but also LET DEON TATTOO YOU!). honestly has more than a few earrings too like both ears are probably full of piercings and he’s very proud of all of his them honestly.

loves colour and neon especially, but also loves to wear a lot of black like he’s a whole ass mess. his favourite colour is yellow btw. generally just wears what he likes, but he pretty much never looks polished.

his favourite number is 0!

wears a lot of rings and jewelry as well, you will rarely find your boy without something on his fingers.

has a rat named titty boy that he calls titty for short. his name is titty boy because he only eats hot cheetos and likes to watch garbage tv. as sad as it sounds he was one of deon’s first genuine friends so he loves him like BIG. takes him everywhere like he usually has him in his bag at work, so you can catch titty scurrying around chuck e cheese sometimes.

built a little  bot and named him douche bag, or rather deebs for short. also loves him big. deebs is constantly getting updated by deon honestly, but your boy actually probably won a prize when he made him because he’s actually?? very like advanced for what he is (he runs on used oil from fast food chains, has a touch screen, etc). deon literally made him so that he could help him remember to take his pills (deon has clinical depression and adhd, so he needs deebs around to give him that nudge sometimes), and he can do that and more now. deon kind of wants to see if he can break him into the service animal industry, cause he figures he could be good for people who need service animals but have allergies to fur.

gets around, mostly because he is attracted like everybody and feels no qualms about telling them that? and omg he’s also bi btw, no one is surprised. but honestly isn’t really a player just cause he’s too dumb to be one man. like if he was suppose to call you and he didn’t he literally just forgot sdkjsdkj

does not talk about himself at all! ever! like legit learning anything about deon’s past is like pulling teeth!

like i said deon has depression, but like most people probably don’t know that because again,, your boy is close lipped. that said he doesn’t try to hide it, like if you see him taking his pills you see him taking his pills. there are times though that deon will just not be found for a week or two when his depression gets bad. he usually emerges from these occasions chill and chipper as he usually is with sdkmds absolutely no mention of it. i don’t know if he has any friends he’s close enough to that he’d talk to about that though you know, like honestly from deon’s perspective *deon vc* i don’t wanna bring anybody down, man…

says man and bro and bruh and dude WAY TOO MUCH like they punctuate most of his sentences sdkdjs

surfer dude energy. skater dude energy. stoner dude energy.

smokes A LOT of weed. LOVES to party! that guy you see at every house party and have to wonder like??? how is he passing ANY of his classes sdkjsdj how is he SURVIVING

honestly when i usually write deon he’s an MIT graduate so dskjds he definitely got an offer from there that he casually responded to like ‘oh shit, thanks man, but i’m cool!’ sdkjdsjk 

sometimes you can catch deon sitting in his car blasting mariah carey and crying in the mall parking lot.

knows all the words to TLC’s waterfalls and will sing it to completion whenever it’s on.

will come to your flat and like fix your heater if it’s acting up. literally just hail deon down if you need anything fixed and he will do it for literally nothing. he just likes to help, and to be wanted around tbh rip

swears A TON omg i almost forgot deon swears constantly dkjds he doesn’t see a problem with it honestly, and he’s never like angrily swearing honestly it’s usually excited swearing but sdkjsdkj he’s a potty mouth nonetheless and if your muse doesn’t swear deon will pay them money to do it despite being BROKE. “will you say fuck for a dollar?” sdkjdsj 

PERSONALITY. do u are have stupid? hell yeah brother!

honestly one of my most kindhearted muses. like deon wouldn’t hurt a FLY! he catches spiders in his hands and takes them outside sdkjsdk. like even if you’re a dick to deon he will still be nice to you! never gets mad at ANYBODY, like it’s so rare to see deon pissed man he has the heart of a surfer dude

just freaking says things man. doesn’t think before he says anything ever. no brain to mouth filter at ALL.

that said he’s a lot smarter than he looks and acts skjdsj but he’s also so so stupid, it’s a bit contradictory honestly because deon is a DUMBASS! but he be knowing things man i can’t explain it. like he has no brain to mouth filter but like if you tell deon a secret no one is ever going to know.

PAINFULLY loyal to his friends like to a fault! even if you betray deon or abandon him he legit will not do the same to you, like if you were ever his friend you will be his friend until the day he dies.

generous. would give the shirt off his back to someone if they needed it

humble? like deon knows he’s good at what he does because people keep telling him that but he doesn’t do it because he’s good at it he does it because he thinks it’s fun and like rewarding, like seeing deebs beeping around just makes him happy.

doesn’t have a competitive bone in his body when it comes to academic success or professional success but when it comes to pacman or tWISTER and suddenly nothing else matters in the world

lowkey still desperately wants friends and to be accepted, and cares a lot more about what people think of him than he lets on, rip

you absolutely could manipulate deon whenever you wanted to, he would skdjdsjk probably never catch on man. it’s like ‘fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, come on man… fool me THREE TIMES?? bro.’ dkjdskj

lowkey sad sometimes because it be like that, but he will hide it the minute there’s someone around him.

one of those muses that is like… are you pretending to be dumb or are you really that dumb? and like legit i don’t even know the answer man and i’ve never actually got to play him long enough to find out so i’m hype for that!

WANTED CONNECTIONS. *tries to crowd surf at a ted talk*

BROS. give deon some a group of close guy friends he will adore them with everything in him!

SOMEONE THAT’S ANNOYED BY HIM. whether you’re trying to go home after your shift and deon is talking your ear off about the toe he found in his subway sandwich, or you have to hear him playing cotton eyed joe over the mall’s speakers (cause deon would do that,,,, i am so sorry peter blooth mall cop) you have a right to be annoyed by him. you are valid.

CONFIDANTE. despite the amount deon likes to talk he’s actually a really good listener and will keep all your secrets forever! so confide in him man, he’s got you. or the other way around someone deon feels like he can confide in and talk to?? a concept.

EXES. give me someone who broke his heart! i’ve never gotten to play brokenhearted deon but it would be fun. or someone who’s heart he accidentally broke, honestly he wouldn’t know it until it was too late sdkjsdkj.

CRUSH. give me someone who has a crush on deon that he is completely oblivious to. give me someone who deon has a crush on that he doesn’t know what to do with! honestly for the most part deon is either very blunt and forward or awkward and dumb with a crush, but either way it will be entertaining for all involved.

DAD FRIEND/MOM FRIEND. deon is a whole mess honestly, and he just needs someone who will make sure he doesn’t die you know? because he’s used to taking care of himself generally but he really will get himself into dangerous situation because he’s just stupid. some random stranger offers deon crack at a music festival? deon will take it! it’s so nice that they offered him some! *deon vc* yoooo, thanks man!

ENEMY. i just find it funny that deon wouldn’t know they are enemies. he’d wave to them and say hi and they’d be like I HATE YOU and he’d laugh like it’s a joke dkjdsk it’d be very one sided but very entertaining.

CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. deon has traveled all around america so give this to me friends! they were buds for maybe a bit before he moved or something like?? i want it. 

FWB. just really chill buds who also have sex. deon will try to high five them after sdkjdsjk maybe someone involved is catching feelings or maybe they’re just going to always be friends who have seen each other naked, and you know what that’s okay too.

alright that’s all i’ve got for now and yk how it is, please smash that like button if you’d like to plot and i’ll come running. 

[luci-is-a-devil-]

First Lies and Second Tries

Word Count: 4,217

Warnings: Angst, Cursing, Crack, Dark thoughts? 

A/N: This has been in the works for a while, and today I decided it’d be great to write 3.7K of it today! So you get it now, how wonderful! This is also trash but I hope you enjoy it! Please understand that this is very odd, i’d love to hear your thoughts on it and stories you may want! As always, I recommend reading on desktop, editing on mobile is shitty!!

The single word that was inked on your wrist since you were born was interesting, although very difficult to even fathom finding your soulmate. Usually it was a sentence, even though a couple of words was rare, a single word was a one in a thousand. That was you, inked with the first lie your soulmate would say to you.

"No."

When you were younger you fantasized about how you'd meet your soulmate, how the lie would be something small that you could get past. As you got older, you realized that was improbable. There was more of a chance that you would break up and you wouldn't know it was them.

There were so many other ways that people had found their soulmates, having their first lie to you tattooed on your skin since birth had to be the most difficult one. You'd rather see in black and white and experience colors for the first time together, or even have the day they would die on your wrist.

You had gotten used to it, ignoring the two letters on your wrist except to cover it up with concealer. When you had first started dating, it was difficult to bear the thought of not being soulmates with him. Your fear came true one night, when you knew that he was lying to you. Your tears fell and he laughed, thinking that he had hurt you, he had but not for the reason he though he had.

Three breaks up later and being single for a few years, you found that being alone was a lot better than having to worry. So you stayed alone, focusing on school and your friends, happy when they found their soulmates but anxious that yours wouldn't stay.

There was always a little seed of doubt in the back of your mind, hidden away in the depths of the darkest corner, where every negative thought was stored, to be worried about at night.

That's why you were afraid to start dating again, or maybe that's the reason you had decided on just so you wouldn't have to think about your soulmate, it was a solution, not a healthy one.

"Y/N? Can you cover for me? Hello?"

You turned your head to see you friend bending over to whisper to you, making puppy eyes at you. Rolling your eyes at him, you nodded.

"You get my Saturday next week."

"Deal."

The lesson ended and you grabbed your bag, not bothering to organize the papers you were shoving inside. Yugyeom rushed over, thanking you for covering his shift. Replying that it was no problem, the two of you walked out of the classroom.

"A date with Jeongguk on a Wednesday?" You questioned him, shaking your head at their poor planning skills. "The people who own the bowling alley are going to ban you two someday."

Yugyeom Punched your shoulder, glaring at you with flushed cheeks that he couldn't blame on the cold. You laughed at him, waving him goodbye as you rushed to the bus stop. If you were gonna cover, you needed to hurry up.

The bus took you from campus to the art museum you worked at, it was an easy job, that's why both you and Yugyeom worked there. You quickly went to the back and stuffed your items into your locker, changing into your uniform in record time.

They usually just had you stationed at on place in case someone needed help finding the bathroom or needed to be directed to another employee. Since it was a Wednesday, there were few people inside, the only few sad souls who happened to reside there besides the employees were some teenagers and elders.

You were stationed in front of some intricate art that made no sense to you, the colors clashed and seemed that it was painted in a hurry to you, of course you would never say that aloud though. The amount of art snobs that came by with a love of arguing could still be here in between the elders and teens that were making fun of the statures naked figures.

As you avoided the eyes of strangers that looked at the art you stood by, you zoned out in order to keep your sanity. Only coming back to reality when you could feel someones eyes on you. It was someone you hadn't noticed in your quick glaze over who had resided in to semi small museum. It was a boy around your height, wearing a diamond pattered jacket over a white shirt, his dark brown hair contrasted the shades he wore.

Your gaze met his, making him look at the floor. It wouldn't be the first time that you had someone be interested in you whilst you worked. Of course you would ignore it unless things got out of hand, only then would you call security over.

The boy approached, making you shrug into yourself. You hated causing a scene but if it came down to it you were prepared to keep yourself safe, no way in hell were you going to die in a boring ass museum.

"Excuse me? I think you should call the art loss register because you just stole my heart."

What made you laugh wasn't the awful pickup line, it was the obviously fake confidence he had. His ears were flushed pink and he was fidgeting with his hands. Usually it was jocks who were accompanied with other buff guys who'd come by to hit on the staff, not some anxious college kid.

"I don't think that classifies as art, just an organ."

You replied, smiling at him. He grinned back, asking about the art you were standing by instead of another pickup line. You shrugged, your own cheeks flushing as you admitted that you didn't know much about art, that you had just applied here because your friend had.

He laughed, agreeing that he wasn't much of an art guy either, he was just here to say that he had completed a dare his friends had tasked him with. The conversation came to a close as the two of you got interrupted by an elderly woman complaining of a group of teens taking pictures of a statues privates. Assuring her that you would ask them to stop, she left huffing and mumbling about the youth these days. As you went to say goodbye to the male you had been talking to for the past half hour, he smiled,

"I may not be Yves Klein, but I’d be pretty blue if I didn’t get your phone number."

You cackled, agreeing that it'd be pretty awful if he turned blue. So you added your number to his phone. Something that you usually wouldn't do, but something was yelling at you to do so. So you did, smiling as you waved him goodbye.

Who knew that the best part of your day would be flirting with a cute stranger?

--

When you had gotten home you had expected Yugyeom to be there, not with Jeongguk and two others in tow but that's what you saw.

"Why are the four of you here, actually better question, who are you?"

You removed your jacket, throwing it with the other jackets laid in a slump, forgotten and probably smelled foul.

"Well, I'm Yugyeom and I live here."

The brunette introduced himself, laughing as you glared at him. Being childhood friends, you think you'd be used to the shit he pulled. You were but it was easier to ignore him, sadly you couldn't when the boys he was with carried on the introductions.

"I'm Jeongguk, Twenty one and I never learned how to fucking read."

You flipped off the black haired male, making the two males that you actually knew cackle at your pain. You help get them together and this is how they repay you? A perfect pair of bastards.

"Great, now that you two are done, who the fuck are you?" You asked the two males who were awkwardly sat on the couch next to each other, seeming like they wanted to be anywhere else but here. You couldn't blame them, who knew how long they'd had to deal with those assholes.

"Actually, I'm not done. I'm Yug-"

"If it wasn't for the laws of this land I would have slaughtered you."

You sat on Yugyeom, causing his boyfriend to yell at you as you stuck your tongue out at him. There was barely enough space on the couch for two people, you wouldn't question how in hell they fit themselves on the couch.

"I'm Seokmin, this is Mingyu. If you want we can leave, I don't want any trouble."

His eyes shifted around, trying to read the situation. His friend seemed oblivious to Seokmin's worry as he began to explain how they met.

"We were bowling because I had coupons that expired today and Hao couldn't go so I bribed Seokmin to come instead. But when we got there we saw Jeongguk getting kicked out of the bowling alley. They didn't let us in since they thought we were friends with them."

Mingyu spilled, causing Yugyeom and Jeongguk to grin sheepishly. You laughed, shaking your head at the situation. Sure, you had said that in passing during your earlier conversation but you hadn't expected it to come true.

"You guys are a mess, first the Mcdonalds, now the bowling alley? What's next, Chuck E Cheese?"

You teased them, getting off of Yugyeom and heading to the kitchen. The conversation continued as they realized you weren't going to kick them out. Your phone buzzed, startling you as you were shutting the fridge.

Not Yves Klein Hope you made it home safe!

It was a simple text yet it made your heart flutter, you felt your cheeks flush. You were glad you had left the living room. The boys would tease you for anything, especially if it was about a budding crush.

Piece of art I did! Hope you did too

You weren't know for your texting skills, in fact you were known to be the second worst, right after Jeongguk, and that's only because he doesn't text back.

There had been nothing good to eat so you called out, asking if they were down to split the cost of pizza. They were, even with Jeongguk whining that he had a total of seven cents on him. So you ordered, asking for two pies.

Right after you placed your order, your phone buzzed again, sending the butterflies in your stomach into a frenzy.

Not Yves Klein safe and sound

Underneath his first text was a bubble with three dots, signaling that he was writing another text. Your head ran with ideas. Should you lock your phone so you didn't look like you were waiting? Or should you respond with something witty?

Before you had made up your mind, your phone buzzed again.

Not Yves Klein Are you free next week? Maybe Thursday?

You screamed, throwing your phone at the wall. Jeongguk ran into the kitchen holding a lamp, screaming as well.

"What's going on?"

Yugyeom asked following his boyfriend into the kitchen. You stared at your phone in shock, walking over and picking it up. It wasn't cracked thankfully. Your fingers danced across the screen quickly, almost as fast as your heart beat.

Piece of art I am! I have classes during the day though, no work luckily

"Did you scream at your phone, wuss?"

Jeongguk teased, ignoring the fact that he had also been screaming. Yugyeom rolled his eyes, walking out shaking his head and muttering about how everyone around was a bigger idiot then he was, which at least he admitted he too was an idiot.

"Shut up, asshole. I've got a date."

You grinned, amusing yourself as you waited to get a text back from the cute boy with bad pick up lines.

"With which hand?"

Jeongguk cackled as you threw an oven mitt at him, he easily caught it, being on the baseball team and whatever. You liked to ignore your friends clubs especially when it led to the reminder of seeing Yugyeom and Jeongguk in a compromising position, whilst in their sport attire. No thank you, you were not down for that life style.

Not Yves Klein Cool! There's a chill bowling place not too far from campus we could go to

You laughed, making Jeongguk raise an eyebrow at you while chugging juice out of the container, something you hated. So you threw the other oven mitt.

The apartment was filled the screams of a now orange juice covered college student.

--

It had been a few months since you had met BamBam, a couple since the of you decided to be a thing. That meant gross PDA and fighting the other couple in your apartment to see who could be the grossest.

They usually won.

It was fun to have laidback double dates though, where the four of you would watch awful movies just to make fun of it, or have nerf gun fights and have dramatic monologues when you died.

Today had been one of those nights, where the four of you watched a movie, squished on the couch and eating an unhealthy amount of popcorn until one by one drifted to sleep. The movie still playing in the background, none could be bothered to pause it or turn it off.

You were between Bam and Jeongguk, both cuddlers. You preferred to have enough space to breath while sleeping but that wasn't an option as you were pinned between the two.

The sun rose and bodies became even more twisted in each other. Looking more like vines then limbs. It wasn't until Yugyeom's alarm rang that everyone had to untangle themselves from the roots of limbs.

"Fuck."

Yugyeom rolled off of the couch grabbing his bag and rushing out the door, leaving you confused. It was Sunday, wasn't it?

Pulling out your phone that was on twenty percent, you realized that it wasn't Sunday, It was a Monday morning and you had less then five minutes to get to class.

Falling off the couch with less grace then the male who had done the stunt minutes earlier, you grabbed your backpack and hurriedly put on your shoes.

"It's Monday, Fuckers! Get up or be late!"

And with that, you too ran out of the apartment. Hoping to make it before the bell rang, your first class of the day was taught by an old ass of a woman, she went off on tangents and allowed three absences before your grades would fail.

You were known to be late, miss classes quite often. You'd have reason, but it was often difficult to explain that you were late because your mother had forgotten where you lived and was in the bad part of the city and you had to get her.

So you already had three absences, you couldn't afford another one. You were barely passing as it was.

You made it inside of the building, ignoring the burning inside of your lungs. There were other students running as well, looking similar with sleepy eyes and messed up hair.

You just made it into the class as the bell rung, quickly sitting in your seat while the teacher took attendance. Attempting to fix your hair while other students called out to say that they had also made it to class.

"Y/N?"

"Here."

You said a little too loudly, sheepishly smiling as she glared. Class had begun, you had made it. Another week of torture had started.

-

Classes went by and at lunch you met up with your group that had grown with the addition of BamBam.

Minghao and Mingyu, Seokmin and Soonyoung, the group known as the campus couples group now. It was really because half had been banned at the bowling place and couldn't go there anymore. Minghao had been annoyed at Mingyu, Soonyoung thought it was hilarious. 

All eight of you were sat on the grass, eating food that you had acquired from the vending machine. You were munching on a bag of off brand cheetos, they tasted weird but you were hungry.

"I mean, Gyeom and I probably aren't soulmates but I love him anyway."

Jeongguk shrugged, rubbing his thumb across Yugyeom's knuckles. The two had been together for a while, they had gone through so much and knew that they would one day find their soulmates.

"But what if your soulmate is super hot and likes both of you?"

Mingyu asked, the whole not knowing your soulmate thing was so foreign to him. He had met Minghao when the two were five. The two had met once the Chinese boy returned a dinosaur that someone had stolen from Mingyu, only for color to flood their vision.

"Likes both of us? Who would have such bad taste?"

Yugyeom cackled, Jeongguk punching him with his free hand.

"We'll see. I'm happy with this oversized dork, so they can find someone else."

Yugyeom cooed at his boyfriend, pressing a kiss on his forehead.

"What about you, Y/N?"

You shrugged, putting another fake cheeto in your mouth.

"I've got the first lie they say on my wrist, or that's what doctors say at least."

There were many reasons that someone would have words inked on their flesh, the first words their soulmate would say, the last words, first lie. The list went on. In a world where soulmates were normal, platonic or romantic, it was difficult to understand what meant what.

"That sounds hard."

Soonyoung said, his own fingers rubbing across the nearly invisible words on his wrist. He had met Seokmin in their highschool years over the internet. The first words Seokmin had said were "God, you do look like a hamster."

Seokmin's own wrist was inked with "Well, at least i'm not wearing crocs." The two had been shocked at seeing their internet friend and finding their soulmate.

BamBam had been very quiet the whole discussion, which was surprising as he was usually just as talkative as everyone else.

You looked at him, sending him a questioning glance. Your eyes met his, him avoiding yours.

"I've gotta go."

The seven of you were shocked to see him grab hid bag and rush away, Soonyoung looked at you, asking if he had something wrong.

"I don't know."

You shrugged, no longer feeling hungry. Wiping the cheese residue on your pants, you pulled out your phone to text him.

Piece of art Are you alright???

The conversation died down, everyone eating silently and waving good bye as they walked to their next class. You only had morning classes so you were free, leaving alone with a mind full of worries.

You knew some people didn't like speaking about soulmates, some felt this anger towards their soulmate, because who had decided that this was their person to be around?

Maybe Bambam had felt that way, maybe he didn't have a soulmate.

--

It had been five days since you last saw Bambam, since he'd run away. You were annoyed and worried at this point. If someone had said something, he should have said something. Everyone was an adult.

After classes, you decided you were going to his apartment. You had made sure that he'd be there, texting his roommates. Jackson had replied with a thumbs up and Mark had replied with a singular yes.

So here you were, knocking on the door and waiting to see your boyfriend. The door opened, Bambam standing in a pair of boxers and an over sized t-shirt. He sighed, letting you in.

The apartment was a mess, but it had been the same way the other times you had come.

"What the fuck is going on, Bam?"

You asked, not sitting down. You wanted answers first, why he'd walked away, why he hadn't been responding.

"It doesn't matter."

BamBam said, not even facing you, putting away dishes in the correct spot. You were infuriated, how could he say it didn't matter? Of course it did.

"Maybe not to you, but it matters to me. So, what the fuck?"

Your voice held more anger then you wanted it too, but you were trying to stop yourself from this becoming a big thing. You didn't want to break up, you didn't want to put yourself in the same box you had years ago when you fought just like today.

"Shut up! I told you it doesn't matter! Can't you just leave it alone?"

A mug broke under his grasp, much like your patience. You could understand if it was about soulmates but this seemed like it was nothing besides anger.

"No! I can't just leave, I'm an adult unlike you! I talk about the things i'm going through! Do you even love me?"

Tears filled your eyes and you tried your best not to let them fall, you would be strong. You would not let him hurt you, even if that's what he wanted.

"No."

A single word, a word you had known since birth, how ironic that it was always that word that made you break. You ignored the pain you felt, the love you had built and you let ugly words spill from your lips.

"I hate you."

You were gone, you let your feet carry you away from the apartment. Tears falling, fists clenched and running. You were never one with your emotions, it always felt like someone else was in your body, that you were a puppet being controlled by some heartless creature. Had you not suffered enough already?

You were hurt.

--

It was only when you stumbled back to you apartment that you realized the black ink under your skin on your wrist was no longer there, that it had become the ink that you saw on others wrists. The one that let you know that you'd met your soulmate.

Not for the first time you cursed the world, that your soulmate would be through a fight, a lie. It had hurt to know that he was lying, that he did love you, nothing had been fixed by knowing he was you soulmate.

"Oh, Y/N."

Yugyeom sighed, holding you as you cried. Jeongguk watched from the couch, his fingers clutched on a pillow. You sobbed and sobbed until you could no longer fill the pain, becoming numb.

"What happened?"

You had been moved to the couch somehow, a faint memory telling you that Jeongguk carried you to the couch.

"He's my soulmate."

You said, focused on the floor where you two shared your first kiss. It had been another one of those double dates where the others fell asleep first. Soft lips pressed to yours that made you feel like you were in a dream.

"I'm so sorry, baby."

Jeongguk pet your head, letting it fall on his shoulder as your shoulder shook. There were no more tears to cry, but you were still so angry.

So the three of you sat on the couch that was much too small, and they cried for you, comforting you in not being the only one saddened by the nights events.

--

Days had passed, you couldn't say what you had done for those days. Everything had blurred together at some point, you weren't sure when you had eaten last. There was just the knowledge that tomorrow was another day you'd have to live through.

The bus carried you to your job, now just a Wednesday you worked. You stuffed you belongings away, changing slowly. You dreaded going out there, but even when you didn't want to be alive you had to pay rent.

The museum was as busy as it had been last time, college students snapchatting the sculptures parts, elders walking around without much care of the art, only coming because it was the only social contact they had.

It was always the same, you didn't mind as you daydreamed. Getting away from your life as you stood in front of a painting called "regarde les étoiles dans les rêves de quelqu'un" A mouthful really, something you'd butcher if someone asked about it.

Footsteps told you someone was approaching, and you were shaken from your daydream.

"What do you think about this painting?"

A familiar voice made you go through so many emotions at once, anger, sadness, fear. There was want in you as well, you wanted things to go back to how they had been. Of course it couldn't.

"I think it's beautiful."

It was beautuiful. Unlike the other art hung up with vibrant colors, this one was simple. It had two shadows of people, seeming like they were sleeping while star gazing, the stars on one half brighter than the others.

It had always been your favorite here.

"Why?"

You sighed, unsure of what he wanted, of what he was trying to do. "Because it's someone seeing something they created, maybe a take on the grass is greener. But I think it's about them seeing both, the good and the bad together."

He nodded, the two of you standing in the silence. It wasn't strange, but it made you hope for more, that he'd come to apologize and everything would be fine.

It wasn't.

"I'm sorry."

But one day it could be.

[truthisgoldenau]

Character Bio: Pierce Graves

Born: January 1st, 1963

Race: Caucasian

Sexual Orientation: Pansexual

Tattoos: Full sleeve on his right arm, a mix of circuitry and gears and machine pieces. Matching set on his left leg.

Height: 6'0"

Personality: Can play at being nice when he wants, or if he genuinely is okay with the person he's talking to. Mostly an asshole, doesn't really give a shit about people.

The Graves lineage has been in Spring Valley for only a few generations, known as the family with icy eyes and chilled personalities. Henry Graves managed to escape that, gaining the ice blue eyes but not the abrasive personality his father was known for.

Pierce wasn't so lucky.

Born the very first day of 1963 to Henry and Jamie Graves, Pierce was quiet from the beginning. Jamie constantly worried something was wrong with him- grandfather Mortimer always assured her in his blunt way "He's fine it's a family thing".

He was also curious at a young age, constantly wandering off once he was old enough to walk and causing both his parents endless amounts of worry. He'd sit still when watching his grandfather fix things without an issue, and that gave Henry an idea.

When Pierce was about 4, Henry brought home a toy robot for him. Jamie was worried that the toy was beyond his age range and that he'd get hurt, but Henry assured her he'd be fine. It'd give him something to do that would maybe keep him occupied.

And it did- after awhile they had to keep putting the tools in the home out of reach so that Pierce wouldn't try to take the damn thing apart. He'd always stubbornly tell them he just wanted to know how it worked, and they'd respond "When you're a little older". That only held out for a year until even Mortimer told them to let the "damn kid" have the tools, "he's driving me nuts by asking me when he's over here".

By the time Pierce started kindergarten, he already knew how to read and write and take apart not only the toy robot but the small radio he had in his room. Kindergarten bored him; he wanted to be at home figuring out how things worked. He never really made friends, but he was fine without them.

At age 6 he discovered he had an unusual ability while fixing his toy robot, one that startled him but meant for a moment he seemed connected to the machine. He didn't know how to explain it and when his mom came running to the sound of him yelling in pain, he didn't tell her that anything had happened.

At age 9 he almost caused the same connection between his mom and a stove when he was startled while trying to steal cookies. Though he'd been practicing the ability, he hadn't known until then that he could use it on other people.

A better person would have not only kept it to themselves, but would have never used the power on anyone maliciously. A better person would have decided it was better to learn how not to use it as a reflex in bad situations.

Pierce Graves was not the better person.

He was a trouble maker, learning how to fight at a young age when the older kids in the neighborhood used to call him slow because he'd just quietly observe things. He got beat up a few times, to the point Jamie and Henry started to really worry for him. But he learned from these fights and one day after Pierce came home with a smug grin and only a few scratches, the parents of the boys showed up to complain about how badly their kids had been hurt. Pierce shrugged it off to say they deserved it.

The knowledge that he could connect other people to machines if he focused hard enough? It became his new secret weapon.

He could usually get away with using that power on someone for a few seconds to gain the upper hand- the connection wasn't without pain and it caused a distraction that could give him an opening. The other kids at school started whispering that he was some kind of evil creature. Pierce didn't care.

When Pierce was 11, his grandfather died of a sudden heart attack. It was the first time Pierce lost anyone, since the Graves family and Jamie's family weren't very large families to begin with and Jamie's parents were already gone to begin with. It was a bit of an emotional blow to Pierce- he'd expected his grandfather to always be around.

Pierce got into more fights in middle school, this time purposely trying to get bigger, tougher kids to throw hands with him. He got his ass kicked a lot, but eventually got exactly what he wanted. A test run to see how many individuals he could use his power on at once. It was 3 at first. Later he'd get more. But it was a good start.

By high school he was known for being incredibly smart, good with machines, and being a huge ass to everyone. He somehow beat up the leader of the school's "biker gang" which was really just a bunch of seniors with hand me down motorcycles who thought they were cool. This earned him a few friends, particularly when he figured out how to do some quick fixes for their bikes (which they usually paid him for).

He also got money for fixing things around the neighborhood he lived in. Word was if a machine was broken, Pierce could either fix it, stare at it long enough to figure out what was wrong with it and then fix it, or at least rig it in a way that it could then be taken to someone who actually could fix it.

At the age of 16 with all the money he'd saved, he decided he wanted tattoos. His "biker" buddies had graduated but he still wanted to look tough, and why not, it was his money, he could do what he wanted with it. His dad had told him he'd pay the other half of a used car if Pierce found one he wanted but Pierce didn't care if he had to ride the bus till he either graduated or dropped out. So he designed his own tattoo made of circuits and gears and other miscellaneous machine pieces, went to a somewhat seedy tattoo place in the main area of Spring Valley, lied about his age, and got a good portion of his design tattooed. The bus system to get back home to Summerton meant a long round about way where usually the trip would take an hour, and Pierce ended up misjudging exactly when he'd get home.

He got home late, to parents who had no idea he hadn't been at school, and who immediately realized their son had not only skipped school, but had gone into the city to get tattoos they didn't approve of. It nearly broke the family- Jamie was devastated at first, Henry was pissed, and Pierce kept defending it as his right to do what he wanted with his money. At a certain point he just decided he was done and left.

For 3 days.

It nearly drove his parents mad to not know where their son was, but it was a decision by both of them not to send anyone after him. Give him some space. They overreacted and it caused him to overreact.

So when Pierce showed back up they ended up having a civil conversation about it. It wasn't the complete fix that any of them really wanted but it was a temporary truce of sorts.

At least for awhile. Not too long after Pierce turned 17, Henry got a call at the dealership he worked at from jail. From a very sheepish sounding Pierce who had gotten arrested for stealing when he was supposed to be in school.

So Henry had to go bail him out because the last thing either of the two of them wanted was for Jamie to find out.

While Jamie never did find out about the whole thing (the shop owner ended up not pressing charges since everything was accounted for after the arrest), Henry had a talk with Pierce along the lines of "I know you're better than this. Can you please fucking try harder to be better than this. You're driving us crazy. If you can make it to your graduation next year without anymore bullshit, I'll buy you a motorcycle. Is that what you want? A bribe? Does that get through to you?"

Unsurprisingly it did. Pierce spent the next year and his half trying his damnedest to stay out of trouble. And trying to earn money through fixing things again. It was a bit of a welcome relief to his parents, and if Jamie seemed concerned about her son's change in attitude, she didn't voice it.

Pierce barely managed to graduate on time and true to his word Henry gifted him with 1981 Honda CB900F motorcycle in purple.

Pierce gifted them by moving out.

"I found an apartment out closer to town. And a job at that gimmicky mouse place with the robots. They might, MIGHT let me fix them. You guys deserve a break from me."

While neither of his parents wanted to say it to their son's face, it was a bit of a relief although a little bittersweet that so soon they'd be saying goodbye.

They helped him move into his new apartment, and Pierce started working as a dishwasher - at the newly opened Chuck E. Cheese.

(Pierce applied to two places with robots in the Spring Valley area when looking for work. One was Chuck E. Cheese, which had opened a year before. The other was a place called Fredbear's Diner, and he didn't even get an interview for that job.)

For 3 years he worked at Chuck E. Cheese. He only ever got to fix their animatronics once- corporate had their own technicians they sent out to maintain the mechanics, and didn't trust some kid who said he had tech experience. But their technician didn't show up one day and they desperately needed a fix, so the manager remembered that Pierce had mentioned mechanical experience on his resume and asked him to come up with something.

When the corporate technician was able to stop by to fully fix the animatronic, he said the temporary solution was enough to actually hold it over without a problem until it needed more extensive repairs.

In 1984, Pierce's only friend at the Chuck E. Cheese, his manager Janet shoved a newspaper ad in his face.

"That Fredbear's guy is hiring a mechanic. If you don't apply I'm firing your ass so that you have no choice but to apply."

It wouldn't even have taken the threat to make him do it. Though it wasn't talked about much at work because Fredbear's had been a rival business, it was well known in Spring Valley for being a friendly place to visit and work. The owner was apparently some rich guy, and if the rumors were true, he'd only closed Fredbear's when his parents died because they left him a ridiculous amount of money and he was planning to open an even bigger restaurant.

Pierce immediately applied for the job and desperately hoped he would get it this time. Or at least an interview. He didn't even mention to his parents that he was trying to get a job at a place where he could maybe work with animatronics on a regular basis out of fear of jinxing the whole damn thing.

So he nearly died when he actually got a call from Frederick Fazbear offering him an interview.

"Yeah I can make it that day, where at?"

"The new building, it's mostly done and all the animatronics are here so I'd like to show them off."

Of course that would be the day that Pierce barely made it out of work on time, didn't have time to change, and showed up to an interview for Freddy Fazbear's Pizza in a Chuck E. Cheese work uniform.

Frederick Fazbear was a man of good humor though, and seemed unconcerned about the uniform, the tattoos ("are you kidding, why the hell would I judge tattoos, my wife keeps having to talk me out of getting more!") Or even the fact that he couldn't even say he'd ever worked on machines like this before. In fact, he was so laid back that Pierce was concerned that this man had successfully run a business, but he sure as hell seemed exactly like the 'rich guy who just wants to have fun with his money' person that everyone talked about.

Fred showed him the animatronics and told him "there's a few quick fixes some of these need at the moment, they might be new but some have loose joints and such that I'd have to fix anyways so see what you can do, I accidentally schedules another interview overlapping with yours so I'll be back when I'm done with that yeah?" And left him to it.

It wasn't even that difficult to fix everything that needed to be fixed, and he even found a few things he didn't expect Fred had even noticed. By the time Fred came back, Pierce had gotten as much as he could in working order. Fred seemed genuinely surprised, and said he'd call later in the week about the job.

A week never went by so slowly but just when Pierce was beginning to suspect Fred might have found someone who wasn't a 21 year old with no real experience fixing animatronics, he got the call saying he was hired as the mechanic for Freddy's.

In the remainder of 1984, Pierce ended up getting the go ahead to come up with a gimmick for the extra animatronic Fred had accidentally gotten, and the pieces for Foxy the Pirate fell into place, although the suit pieces would have to be commissioned and the programming set up. Not that Pierce didn't figure out how to program the things- he'd taken to reading everything about computer programming he could get his hands on in the last few years and knew enough to work from there.

There was one animatronic that Fred told him would not be in the line up by the time they opened. Spring Bonnie, one of his two originals from the diner, had been damaged heavily during the move because the moving company forgot to tie him down and the springlocks had malfunctioned and destroyed both the suit and the endoskeleton.

"Those springlocks were always finicky and we stopped wearing them as suits because they were too dangerous, I shoulda just had Henry take them out. The plan is to one day get this in working order again, but no rush."

(Henry Emily was the mechanic at Fredbear's, but turned down returning as mechanic for more animatronics to move back to Hurricane, Utah with his wife and kids.)

Freddy Fazbear's Pizza opened in December of 1984 with a huge crowd on opening day.

Foxy was introduced in the middle of 1985.

Pierce was the only mechanic for all the animatronics, keeping up with every problem both mechanical and computer wise, as well as fixing any of the arcade machines in the building when they were on the fritz. It wasn't for lack of trying that he remained the only mechanic either; there was nobody else that Fred checked out that he felt he could take a chance on.

Pierce thoroughly enjoyed what he was doing though even if the extra time he spent on Spring Bonnie meant he often lost track of time and worked till the very late hours of night on it. After an incident where someone tried to break into the place at night only for Pierce to scare the shit out of them, Fred hired a night guard to watch the place. It sure as shit didn't stop Pierce from working late and sleeping in the booths, but word got out that between the night guard, the "spooky" free roaming animatronics, and the mechanic who would definitely fight you, it wasn't worth it to break in.

It was by accident that Fred discovered Pierce had the powers he had. Mainly because Pierce found it easier to find and fix problems if he connected himself to the damn machine in the first place, and that didn't come without certain trade offs. Although the animatronics were certainly the most stable connections he'd found. Fred surprised him one by night by coming back to stay, learned about the power, and ... Shared that he also had the same abilities that he'd never learned how to use. Pierce promised to teach him how to use it because dear God, that was dangerous to not know how to use that power.

Despite the fact that Pierce was friendly with Fred, he never really got on those terms with anyone else. After all, he'd bullied the day guard Jeremy in high school (why pay for comics when you can steal them from the local adopted ginger kid, right?), one of their servers was a sweet little Christian woman who was so concerned about Pierce's salvation that he just straight up tried to ignore her, and the prize counter kid thought he was super punk but Pierce could see through the act. Not to mention they ended up getting in a fight at a poker game between employees and Pierce broke the kid's arm. Somehow nothing ever came of that except everyone just avoided him more.

In August 1987, 3 things happened.

Fred Fazbear and his wife became parents to their twin boys on the 8th.

Pierce came down with the flu between the 7th and the 14th.

And a different health and safety inspector came by than their usual cheerful fellow.

This inspector deemed Foxy the Pirate as a dangerous animatronic, stating that parent complaints called out the seemingly overly sharp teeth and hook as being a risk to children, since the animatronics were free to move among the crowds. Jeremy, in charge of taking her around for the day since both Fred and Pierce were gone and they had no official co-owner, tried to argue that the animatronics had never hurt any kids, that their mechanic had even rigged special motion sensors I them to make sure of this, and that no one had ever called Foxy too dangerous before, but this inspector wasn't having it.

She gave him a document stating that Foxy had to be off the floor by January 1st, 1988 at which time any modifications would have to be filed and inspected before the animatronic could return. She told him to relay the message to Fred that it was because of their safety record they were even being allowed to have the animatronic finish out the year.

Fred stopped by a few days later with his wife and boys in two to show them off, and Jeremy relayed the news then. Pierce still hadn't returned.

Fred told Jeremy he'd relay the news to Pierce; Pierce would only listen to him about this most likely.

As expected, the news didn't go over well. Pierce considered Foxy to be his- Fred always agreed to that. The fact that the Mangle wasn't too dangerous added to the bad mood the news put Pierce in, and Fred didn't want to argue with the man about it. He was tired from his newborn sons and had only come into the building to talk to Pierce.

"I can throw some modifications on him now, then when they come back in January we can skip all the bullshit and get him back out before he even has to stop being around!"

"Pierce, they have to do this a certain way-"

"Fuck that!"

"Goddammit Pierce, for five seconds just shut up! You're not to do anything regarding Foxy besides minor repairs until after the new year, do you understand?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I'm done arguing about this. If they say Foxy is a danger, it's a danger. I understand your point that we could get it out of the way, but the last thing I want to worry about it trying to get Foxy fixed. I already pay you too much overtime as it is to fix Spring Bonnie, the last thing I need is you fucking adding to the ungodly amount I pay you by coming up with fixes for Foxy."

"Oh, so first you thank me for pouring every ounce of spare time I can into your goddamn pet project but the moment mine needs to be fixed, suddenly I'm overpaid? Is that it?"

"I didn't mean it like that-"

"Sure you didn't. I've been working my ass off trying to get that fucker back up and running to the point that I never want to see that goddamn thing again but I still spend hours of my life trying to get it in working condition while fixing all your other goddamn animatronics, begging you for some goddamn help and the only guy you get is some spooky motherfucker who we had to fire within a week. And now you decide that I'm paid too much? Now you decide that me throwing in the extra effort isn't worth it? Would it be better if she'd found Freddy dangerous? Or Chica? Maybe we should go throw some springlocks on her, maybe then she'll shut down the whole damn place, AND I CAN FINALLY STOP COSTING YOU MONEY!"

"I've been trying to find help. No one has any experience. You don't realize how hard-"

"I didn't have any experience either, and yet you trusted me. At least, I thought you did. Apparently I was wrong."

And after that, the friendship between Fred and Pierce completely dissolved. Not that Pierce stopped doing his job, but every now and then, animatronics would seem just a little bit off. Or their joints would be a little bit loose. He still worked late but not that late and Sam the night guard told Fred that it no longer seemed like Pierce wanted to be there.

Between juggling his kids and his job, Fred kept figuring it would blow over.

Fred had to interact with him to tell him that Katherine O'Malley, one of their most well known regulars, had asked for the Foxy birthday show for her son Finn. It would be the last birthday show Foxy did, and seeing as it was for a regular, Fred wanted it to be special.

Pierce agreed to set up something special.

The real plan was to just... Mess with Fred a bit. Freak him out. Maybe scare him. Pierce had these interesting abilities to connect people to machines, and well, the animatronics were good anchors. You attach a person to an animatronic, the animatronic will act more human.

It wasn't like it was hard to slowly turn the AI levels down on the Toy animatronics, since they'd also be on stage that day. It wasn't like it was hard to have the Puppet set up more like an animatronic and less like just a jack in the box. It wasn't even hard to set up cues in the birthday show for these other entities to be nearby; it wouldn't even be unusual if he played his cards right.

Sure, Fred kept asking him about why the Toy animatronics seemed like they were less enthusiastic and slower to react. Sure, Damian the prize counter kid kept giving him odd looks when he went over to check his adjustments to the Puppet. Sure this whole idea was petty and might get him fired, but he kind of didn't care.

On November 13th, 1987 the entire plan was in motion. The show started without a hitch, as Pierce expected. And he was all set to finish off the set off when Foxy went through his preprogrammed routine to move closer to Finn.

Except that instead a smooth fluid step forward and kneeling down, the animatronic seemed to catch on something and fall.

In the split second pause before the screaming began, Pierce lost focus enough from the unplanned accident to go ahead with the rest of his plan, and not long after Finn started screaming on stage, it was echoed by more pained screams from the rest of the building, and the Toy animatronics appearing to freak out.

He meant to drop the connections. Foxy had just grievously harmed a child, something he hadn't expected, and his reaction was out of pure shock. He meant to drop the whole petty revenge scheme.

Until he the pain hit him and he realized his arm was very suddenly and surprisingly encased in gold. His leg the same, both leaking red from the gaps where the springlocks tightly locked into his limbs.

He somehow retreated into Parts and Services, trying to figure out what was happening, trying to reason this as not being real, when an equally gold hand came into his field of view.

"Need a hand?"

Spring Bonnie was awake. Spring Bonnie was alive. Spring Bonnie was offering to help him up.

This was real. Fred had retaliated. And he

Had no options.

He took the hand offered and disappeared. ("C'mon Springtrap, we have to leave." "My name is Spring Bonnie!". "You're a springlock death trap, so I'm calling you Springtrap.")

To everyone else, it appeared as if the loose board on stage at the Freddy's was intentionally set up by the mechanic to get back at his animatronic being deemed dangerous. He was the only suspect in their case, although no one was so sure what had been done to the kids beyond Finn. No one understood why an unfunctioning animatronic also disappeared.

And Fred never told a soul that he knew exactly what had happened.

And for the next 18 years, Pierce Graves was considered a missing person by society.

[childishrevolutionary]

Last Call Before Rehab

The walls of this Michigan sports bar are lined with the jerseys and newspaper headlines of teams well past their primes that haven’t accomplished anything in decades. The usual clientele fit the same description. Blue collar, salt of the earth people, who for the last six hours of their shift building this country, couldn’t think of anything but taking that first sip of the same light beer they fell in love with at 17. The closest thing we get to anything new going on around here is when the General Motors guys bring in a new hire to join them in their after-work ritual. The new guy doesn’t usually come around too much at first, until one day when he realizes there’s nothing else to do in the city of Pontiac but bust your ass for $19,000 a year and call some decrepit sports bar home. Here I go thinking nothing out of the ordinary’s gonna happen today until I see two new faces walk in: a middle-aged woman and a younger looking guy, the former coming to sit at the bar, and the latter slinking off to a booth way by the door. 

She says to me, “Hey pal, how ‘bout a pint of Miller. And hell, one for the guy over there,” gesturing towards the guy she came in with. 

There’s about fifteen things here that strike me as odd, and I let her know right away. “Ok ma’am—”

“Hey I’m not that old.”

“Right. What I was saying—lady—is there’s clearly something fishy going on here. First, I get two newbies in here out of the blue, haven’t had a newbie in weeks, one of ‘em looks like a high schooler, and you’re trying to buy the two of you a round?”

“Uhhh,” she stammers nervously, “we just happened to be on our way in when we both stopped for a cigarette and struck up a conversation. And I’m feeling generous today so I figure why not get the first one on me.”

“Must’ve been some kind of conversation if you’re sitting here and he’s way the hell over there. Plus, from what I can see, he hardly looks of age. I forget, did you say you met him in the parking lot, or at a Chuck E. Cheese?”

“Alright fine, just get me my own damn pint,” she demands.

I still can’t shake the feeling that something ain’t right here. At this point, I can serve her, hoping she becomes a regular, netting me an extra ten to fifteen bucks a night. Or I could be nosy in hopes she gives me a good story to tell when the boys come in later. Hell, the boys would love a good story, and I would too. “Who’s the kid, lady?” I ask her. “You two clearly know each other from somewhere. Was he sitting outside waiting to ask someone to buy him booze? I told those kids once already I ain’t servin’ ‘em.”

She sighs for a moment, and hanging her head, she mutters “He’s my son. 19.” 

“Come on lady, you know I’m not serving a minor.”

“You don’t have to keep calling me lady. Name’s Shelley.”

The name sounds familiar, I’m not sure why at first, but then it clicks. “Hey, I might’ve heard about you. I’ve heard about a blondie that’s a regular over at Dean’s. I think he’s told me about you, you’re supposed to be pretty handy with a pool stick ain’t you?”

“Yep that’s me. Word sure does get around this town doesn’t it?” She’s still staring at her feet for a good ten seconds until she yells out “God dammit!” so loud and unexpected that even her kid perks his head up. 

I can definitely see there’s a story here. I would say this is something you don’t see everyday, but I don’t think that does it justice. This is something you don’t see anyday. The boys are gonna love this one. “Alright Shelley, how ‘bout this. I get you your pint, on me, and you tell me what’s troubling you. You seem to be in a bad way.”

“That’s kind of you, but I always pay my own tab. Don’t need any of the men in this town thinkin’ I owe ‘em something.”

“Have it your way,” I say, pouring her drink. “What’s the issue? How ‘bout we start with why you’re trying to buy beer for your underage son.”

She takes a long, hard exhale out of her nostrils, looking off in the distance, before she replies “I gotta take him into rehab. But I have to get him drunk first.”

I look at her thinking either she’s got dementia, or I gotta get my ears checked. “Shelley, if I heard you correctly, I think it should go without saying that that’s quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Your kid that’s not even old enough to drink has to go to rehab, and you decide to take him to a bar?”

“You think that’s dumb, well let me tell you this: most rehab facilites don’t accept patients unless they’re currently drunk or had a recent drinking spell. Even a guy who drinks himself blind 7 days a week can go sober for 4 days, enough to get himself into detox, and the facility won’t take him, even though there’s almost a 100% chance he goes back to his old ways sooner or later.”

“Ok, I’ll admit, that’s kinda crazy, borderline fucked up. But did you think you’d really get away with getting him a drink here? And by the way, you’re gonna need a lot more than a pint to get him drunk.”

“Only reason I didn’t go to Dean’s is ‘cause everyone knows me around there, meaning they know my Joey’s only 19. I thought I’d try here ‘cause I never been.”

“I guess I can see the logic in that, but one beer? Surely that ain’t gonna be enough to get the kid— ”

“I don’t wanna get my own son piss ass drunk,” she announces loud enough that if anyone else were in the bar they probably would’ve done a spit-take. “I don’t wanna see him like that. I was thinking if he could just show he has little bit of something in his system, then they’d take him.”

“Jesus, Shelley, I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry about all that.”

“Thanks,” she says in a pissed off tone, not pissed at me of course, but at the situation. 

“But I mean, if he’s got a drinking problem you’ve probably seen him drunk before. What’s wrong with seeing it this time if it’s for the sake of getting him helped?”

“That’s the thing. I only just now found out. I’ve only seen him drunk once.”

“C’mon, if he belongs in rehab there’s no way you only—”

“I only. Just. Now. Found out,” she asserts, clearly meaning business.

“Sheesh, alright. But before you cut me off again, let me just make a few educated guesses here, alright? You probably work real hard at some job that doesn’t pay you nearly what you deserve. And after that, you spend the rest of your night at Dean’s, drinking Millers and crushing those guys at pool. So with all that time spent on your own, his dad’s probably not in the picture, is he?

“Deadbeat took off a day after I told him I was pregnant. Sometimes I think the only way he could’ve disappeared that fast was by joining the army and getting shipped off to fight straight away. If that was the case, I like to think karma caught up with him and he got his ass shot on day one.”

“Alright, so no dad. But the kid’s 19 and still living at home? From what I hear, you’re a no nonsense kind of woman. You don’t seem like you’d let a kid stay home after high school without pulling his weight.”

“Right again. He wasn’t anything special in the classroom at the start, but I told him as soon as he’s done with school, diploma or not, he’s gonna have to work if he wants to stay with me. So he finished up school instead of dropping out, and work, he did. He had a steady job since right before graduation, his friend Scott picked him up each morning and they worked at Bass Pro Shop over at the mall. Never had an issue paying his share.”

“Until…”

“Until one day two weeks ago my boss gives everyone a half day, so I head down to the mall to get some new shoes. On my way out I decide to pop in to Bass Pro to say hi to Joey, ‘cause I never got to see him at work on account of us always working at the same times. I don’t find him so I ask the manager if Joey’s on break, that I’m his mother and I’d like say a quick hello, to which he replies that he doesn’t know a single Joey that’s ever worked there.”

“Oh shit. So he was in for it, huh?”

“Big time. So I skip going to Dean’s for the night just to wait for him to come home so I can chew him out and find out where the hell the money was coming from. That’s when he drunkenly stumbles in, surprised to see that I’m home, and through slurred words tries to explain it’s not what it looked like. Poor idiot thought I was upset with him being drunk, he had no idea I knew about the job. So I came up with a good idea. I told him sleep it off, that I wasn’t mad. But the next morning I told him, ‘hey, how ‘bout I take you into work today instead of your buddy.’ He tried to explain that I didn’t have to do that, that Scott would be there any second to pick him up, but I insisted that he get his ass in the car so I can drive him to the mall. Halfway there, his phone is blowing up and, still acting oblivious, I say ‘boy, you seem popular today, who’s texting you.’ He tried to say ‘oh, it’s no one,’ but I snatched the phone out of his hands and saw it was Scott sending texts like ‘HEY MAN WHERE ARE YOU WE JUST GOT THIS BIG BATCH OF DOPE TO SELL!!!’ and ‘DUDE YOU’RE FUCKING UP OUR BUSINESS!!’ and a bunch of crap like that.”

“Wow, so he was selling dope?”

“Yup, selling it to the rich kids in Bloomfield Hills. You know the type, private school kids driving BMWs and Range Rovers, not knowing that $30 for a gram is nowhere close to a good deal. But it turns out Joey was using some of his profits to pay people to buy him alcohol, or he got it in exchange for weed from some rich college grad asshole that went back to live at home off daddy’s money. Apparently he was hitting the bottle pretty hard for a year now, so that’s how we ended up here, at this shitty bar.”

Now, I could take offense to the comment about this being a shitty bar, but she wasn’t wrong because I call the place shitty 20 times a day. “Ok, I see, but if he’s moving enough weed to make rent and drink the rest of the money away, don’t you think maybe he needs more than rehab? Like a scared straight program or something?”

“Oh he’s done with that weed crap for sure. I told him if I even get a whiff of that smell on him, or the slightest scent of alcohol on his breath, his ass is out on the street. And I told his buddy Scott that I’ll shove my foot up his ass if he ever contacts Joey again. I don’t care how old he is, if I have to babysit him for the next five years I’ll do it. Anything to keep him from being anything like that bastard father of his or the other lowlife men in this town.”

“Well, that sounds like some A+ parenting, and a hell of a story. But can I give you a piece of advice? I’m no therapist, but when you’re a bartender in this neck of the woods, you play therapist to about a dozen people a week.”

“Go ahead, lay it on me.”

“If you really wanna help your son, go to a nearby liquor store, leave him in the car, and buy a pint. I’m not talking a pint of beer, I’m talking a pint of hard liquor. And spare the cashier your life story. It’s a good one, well, tragic I mean. But if you wanna help this kid—”

“His name’s Joey,” she interjects. “My son’s name is Joey. I’ve told it to you about a hundred times.”

“If you wanna help Joey, tell him to down that bottle and take him to the nearest rehab facility, if that’s what it takes to get him admitted. And I don’t think you should be spending so much time at Dean’s.”

“Hey I don’t need a lecture from you, you watch people drink their lives away every single day and you probably don’t say shit to ‘em,” she retorts, real hostile. “That being said, I actually am done with the booze. This was real eye opening, it’s like everyone in this city’s got some vice or addiction.”

“Ain’t that the truth, but it’s not just this city, it’s everywhere. Compare me and Joey. Like you said, I make a living watching people slowly kill themselves. He was making a living making sure rich white kids could get stoned in their dad’s mansion. We’re both two guys hustling to make a dollar no matter what, because around here, your main concern is paying the next bill. I know you know what I mean.”

“True.”

“And compare the users. Those rich kids drink and smoke to have a good time and party because they’re spoiled brats whose actions have no consequences. People ‘round here drink and smoke ‘cause their boss is riding them, or they can’t make rent, or once you start taking a good look around, you realize we live in a community of hopelessness and despair.”

“I see what you’re saying, but doesn’t it ever occur to you that we’re in despair because everyone’s got an unhealthy coping mechanism? Think about this: someone gets a DUI, but they can’t afford to have a criminal record, can’t afford court fees, can’t pay bills, and can’t keep a job because they’re spending half of the work week in mandated counseling and court appearances. Half of ‘em feel they have no option but turn to the bottle even though the bottle is what got ‘em there in the first place.”

“As sad as it sounds, those are my best customers.”

“And doesn’t that weigh on you? Actively participating in the death and destruction of your community?”

“Sure it does, but like you said, everyone’s got their own vices and coping mechanisms, and I’m no different. Which leads me back to the subject of Dean’s. I said you shouldn’t go there because I think you should start spending more time here.

“And why in the hell would I do that? I told you I’m done drinking.”

“Because my coping mechanism is about six blunts a day, and the price of weed just went up around here in the last two weeks—now I know why. We all gotta hustle, and I could use the extra cash.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #292

“dear god, let’s make this fucking clear: dear god, there’s nothing that i fear”

What internet browser do you use? Chrome. What brand water do you drink? (Smart Water, Dasani, etc) Mom just grabs the Great Value jugs. Do you have a job? No. Are you full-time or part-time? N/A Are you watching TV right now? No. Or are you listening to music? Yeah, "Mr. Crowley" by Ozzy. Such a great song. Would you go to jail for 3 years for $1,000,000? No. I would NOT survive in jail. When's your birthday? February 5th. I cannot fucking believe I'm almost 25. Thoughts on kids? Too impressionable for me. Even with my niece and nephew, I feel like every single word I say just like... stamps into their brains, and what if I say something that negatively affects them? I feel like it's my responsibility as an aunt to be a fountain of wisdom when I'm definitely not. I just get nervous around kids. Worst punishment you've ever received by your parents? I wouldn't call it a "punishment," but when I skinned the everliving fuck out of my knees and Mom was patching me up while I was just sobbing away, my dad literally roared "SHUT UP!" from my parents' bedroom, and it's stuck with me forever. Honestly, I think it may be a root in my extreme fear of men yelling. Worst punishment from Mom, probably this time where she smacked the shit outta my arm as a kid and left a clear handprint for a while. Are you the type who is completely against abortion? Why? No, I am firmly pro-choice, despite being pro-life most of my life. I don't feel like writing a moral essay, but basically, I absolutely cannot agree with forcing a woman to carry a human they don't want for whatever reason for nine fucking months, endure one of the most traumatically painful things known to man, and then properly and adequately care for that child. That is such a huge fucking responsibility that should be forced upon *nobody*. "But adoption!" Yeah, go tell that to the thousands of children waiting on you. This is leaning on exactly what I said I wouldn't do, so moving along. Have you ever read a book that actually changed your outlook on life? "I’ve read some books that were phenomenal, but I wouldn’t necessarily go so far as to say that they 'changed my outlook on life'." <<<< This was Johnny Got His Gun for me. Does your favorite flower hold any meaning to you? No. What would you do if your favorite animal became endangered? I would fucking freak. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, but I honestly do want at least one, primarily with a deep black and then some nice grays and neutral colors. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yes. Are your nails always painted? Quite the opposite. What's one thing you've had a toxic reaction to? A breakup. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? I honestly don't really decorate because I just don't have the motivation, but Halloween is the best. Were you popular in school? Nope. Are there any foods that often give you heartburn or indigestion? BANANAS, dark sodas (like Coke or Dr. Pepper), peanut butter can... It's hard for me to tell much now because I have chronic heartburn and am medicated for it. Works great, so I don't experience this much. Is there something you intend to buy in the near future? Yes. Once my tattoo is done (I'm setting the appointment the next time we leave the house, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH), what I have left is going towards Venus' new terrarium. She really needs a 40 gallon. Is anyone in your family artistically talented? What about musically? I was the art kid, and family still insist I should be an artist. What cute behaviors or characteristics does/do your pet(s) have? Omg, Roman has so many. He nuzzles me all the time, will collapse into my hand to pet him, he insists on being the little spoon at bedtime (no, really), he literally tries to groom me with his teeth, licks my face... He is just a doll. My little buddy for sure. Now onto Venus. She loves to chill next to me in bed or find a cozy place under the covers, and omgggg does she love to slither around the bed doing the periscope thing. So curious. What's the screensaver on your computer? I don't have one. What’s the sexiest thing about a guy? I am WEAK for nice shoulderblades/muscular shoulders ok. What’s the sexiest thing about a girl? I am an ass bitch and I will not hesitate to admit it ayyyyyeeeee. Who were you with at midnight on January 1, 2021? Nobody. Who was the last person to send you a message on social media? My sister Misty. She's planning to surprise Mom (her stepmom, anyway) by showing up in a few weeks with her fiance and all her kids she's never met but desperately wants to. My mom is the only "real mom" she's ever had, and she just feels so bad that she has a by now teenage daughter (among three other younger ones) that has never met her "grandmother." It's just an expensive and long trip, but Misty's finally called it enough and is just driving down here with everyone. Mom is going to fucking sob. ^ What qualities does this person have, that you appreciate? Nice timing for this, since her fiercely anti-mask bullshit is all I can focus on about her lately... but there are good things about her. She truly is a very loving, passionate woman that, just like me, feels deeply and expresses it. What was the last thing that caused you to scowl, or frown? Does grimacing count from a sudden bodily pain? Have you smiled at any point during the last hour? Yeah. I'm watching the VOD of Arin Hanson playing Kingdom Hearts 2 for charity, and he went on a total fucking laughing fit. His laugh is so precious, so I just couldn't stop grinning. What was the last thing you consulted Google for? Ensuring "grimace" was the right word for my former expression, even though I was pretty positive it was correct... I don't know if anyone's noticed, but my English skills are degrading, particularly in spelling. It's concerning me. I was an English whiz my whole life up to now. My only guess is it's related to how godawful my memory is also declining. So, did anyone send you a "Happy New Year" message when midnight hit? No. When was the last time you were on a carousel? Probably not since I was a teenager being goofy with Jason or somebody. What is the closest you have ever been to an elephant? I have a picture on my dA of a beautiful elephant walking RIGHT by its fence at the zoo. It was pretty amazing, considering just how incredibly immense their enclosure is. Have you ever played Halo? No, it's not my kinda game. Have you ever read a National Geographic magazine? Oh, I'm positive I've read sections while in waiting rooms of various places. When was the last time you had a pillow fight? I have no idea. Realistically it was probably w/ Jason since that sounds like some cute playfighting thing we'd do, but I don't remember a particular instance. Name somebody who you think deserves more respect: "Retail works. The horror stories my mom has on the daily is absolutely ridiculous. People can be so incredibly rude." <<<< I absolutely agree with this; what friends and strangers alike rant about is just depressing. Nobody, especially those working through a goddamn pandemic that's killing thousands, deserves the disrespect that comes their way. Have some goddamn decency and know half the issues you bring up to retail workers isn't even their damn fault. Ohhhh, I could rant about this. In your own words, define what the word sexy means. So you mean like, what I think is considered sexy, not just the general definition? If that's the case, uhhh. Self-confidence (but absolutely not arrogance) is very attractive to me as a bitch who lacks it entirely, as well as good manners, being outgoing, and just... charm. I don't quite know how to describe that "charm" other than I'm really drawn to people who are unique and happy with it and just seem to have an aura about them that feels good to be in. What is the most popular tourist attraction where you live? I'm going to look at this question as if you're asking about my state and not general location because 1.) there ain't shit here and 2.) I'd prefer to keep relatively where I live quiet on the Internet. Looked it up and apparently NC's biggest tourist bait is the Biltmore Estate. Never been there myself, but it'd be pretty dope. Without looking - do you know what brand your underwear is? I'm in my own home and pjs, who the fuck wears underwear with that criteria lmao. Are you any good at volleyball? NOOOOOOOOO. I went to a volleyball camp thing once when I was younger and that shit hurts the hell outta your hands. I didn't stay long. Have you ever had a water balloon fight? Why of course. Do you think some babies are ugly? Quite honestly, probably most, especially newborns. Don’t you miss Chuck E. Cheese? I do; going there was one of the most exciting possible things to me as a kiddo. Do you think Fall Out Boy is gonna be a classic band, like Queen or AC/DC? Possibly. I mean they sure are pretty successful and well-known. Do you love stuff-crusted pizza? Eh, it's not my preference, but I'll eat it. Do you apply lotion after you bathe? No, but I really should, given how dry my skin is. What’s your favorite color? Pastel pink. Who did you have your most amazing kiss with? I'd like to not think about this. Has a YouTube video of yours ever gotten over 10,000 views? Lol definitely not. I think at least one on my older channel hit 1k somehow???? It was a birthday gift I made for someone. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? lol I already have one there. At some point I'm getting it covered, though. Do you like Robert Frost poems? I do! Do you go to church every Sunday? I never do. Have you ever been in a relationship on-and-off for more than a year? No, I don't play that game. You want me or you don't, so I'm not wasting my time on your uncertainty or just our lack of stability for whatever reason. If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Absolutely writing. What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? ?????????????????? i don't?????????????? care???????????????? they're not my tits??????????????? What is the last thing you tried on in a store? I don't know. I avoid trying shit on like the plague. And then it ends up being too big/small. I wonder why. Is sleeping naked more comfortable than in clothes? I've only ever fallen asleep naked once, and accidentally at that, so I really don't remember how I felt about it? Consciously though, I would feel very, very vulnerable so don't have plans to when I have my own place. Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone? HAHAHA Y'AAAAAALLLLLLL THIS WAS DEADASS THE ONLY LUCID DREAM I'VE EVER HAD LMAOOOOO Do you feel as though you have a good memory, or are you forgetful at times? Do you feel that your short-term memory or long-term memory is better? My short-term memory is absolutely atrocious, like to the point it seriously affects my ability to get shit done. You can give me something that needs to be done and I will forget in a heartbeat. Now, my long-term memory is astonishing. I can remember many things from my childhood in incredible detail. Have you ever had a concussion or some other sort of brain injury before? Did you need to have surgery for it? I've had a concussion or two. I can't remember which. I didn't need surgery. Do you have any sort of mental illnesses or disorders? What do they involve? Yeah: chronic depression, crippling social anxiety, generalized anxiety, avoidant personality disorder (AvPD), obsessive compulsive disorder, PTSD, bipolar II, and I think that's it. My head's a mess and a half. What’s the longest that your hair has ever been? How about the shortest? When is the last time that you got it cut? About to the small of my back; how it is now, which is pretty much shaved on the left and fades to near my chin on the right. I actually got it cut last month; we've gone to a family friend for years whose shop is just an extra building by her house and very rarely has more than two clients in it. We had masks on, of course. At what age did you start getting gray hairs, if you happen to have any? I don't have any. Somehow, given my stress level at all times, haha. What are some ways that you style your hair? Do you use any sorts of products in it? It's too short to style. I don't use any products in it but obviously shampoo. Who was the last person to truly get on your nerves? What do you think caused you to feel that way? Probably my mom. I think she was in a rotten mood for one reason or another and just being snappy and generally rude. Do you recycle? Is this through choice or do you live somewhere where it’s compulsory? We do; it's by choice, and it'd be immensely ignorant not to where we live considering it literally gets picked up with the other garbage. Do you prefer plain, carbonated, or flavored water? Do you think you drink enough water throughout the day? I've never tried carbonated water, and flavored water rarely works for me due to artificial sweeteners giving me beastly headaches. So I'll just take really cold, filtered water. Have you ever needed to call the police, ambulance, or fire department? I had to call the ambulance for my mom right before her cancer was discovered because she was literally immobile and in ungodly pain. When was the last time you visited the library? What was the purpose of your visit? At my old college, as the newspaper photographer, I took some artsy pics up there. I will probably forever worry that leaving school resulted in the biggest career opportunity slipping through my fingers through that newspaper. Do you see a lot of wild animals where you live? Are any of them dangerous? I guess about the normal amount you'd see in the country. Some dangerous animals live here, sure, that's probably everywhere, but you very rarely see any. Aside from when you were born, have you ever had to stay the night in the hospital? For suicidal thoughts and one attempt, yes. Have you ever experienced a panic attack? Ahhhh, do I know those well. Thankfully, it's been a long time since I had an all-out panic attack. Would you ever want to go into the medical profession? Was your answer different pre-COVID? Nope. Well, besides being a vet, which I haven't wanted to be since I was a kid. Where you live, are people paying attention to whatever restrictions are in place to help control COVID? Many? No. Because it's apparently a fuckin hoax or not as bad as the government wants us to think. Fucking cretins. Do you get a real or artificial Christmas tree? Artificial. Real ones aren't worth the money nor mess. What’s your favourite type/flavor of popcorn? Caramel corn. Do you drink oat milk? No, but I'm interested in at least trying it. The dairy industry is absolutely repulsive if you look into it, and I'd love to do what I can to take as little part in it as possible... even though I am a dairy fiend. I seriously wish I could go vegan, I am just WAY too picky for it. Do you love thrifting? Oh fuck yes. I've been very few times in my life, but I'mm all about it. Do you consider using only lowercase letters your aesthetic? I do find it visually appealing; I like the flow of similar letter height. I never do it for "serious" things, but on places where it's "for the aesthetic," it's likely that's how I'll write something. Do you say “mood?” Way too much lmao. Do you own fairy lights? No, though I would like them if it wouldn't look stupid in my room. Do you own glass straws because the metal ones kind of gross you out because you can’t tell if they are clean or not? ... I didn't know glass straws were a thing. I have a handful of metal ones though, but I always forget I have one in my purse when I go out... Have you made a TikTok? No. Do you own airpods? No. Are you afraid of Mercury in retrograde? I don't believe in a planet's position or whatever having any effect on people. Do you make life choices based on astrology? Definitely not, considering I don't believe in it to begin with. How many pairs of converse shoes do you own? Maybe like, five? Number of jeans in your closet: Zero. What accent do you have? Not really any, but sometimes I sound kinda southern with specific words. Do you have a big butt? Yo I got a Hank Hill ass, so no. Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? In my past relationships, yes, I assigned our anniversary to memory. I don't really... know why, like it doesn't really matter how long you've been together, I just do. Have you graduated? From HS, yes. I dropped out of college three times lmao. Rihanna or Lady GaGa? Ohhh, not sure. Maybe GaGa, but both ladies have songs I love. "Disturbia" doess beat all of her songs, tho. The fuckin BEAT. Do you use fake eyelashes? Never tried 'em. Which was the last book that really captivated you? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. What makeup brands do you use? I'm not loyal to any, really. I would be if I could afford expensive shit, but yeah, that ain't my life.

[surveysonfleek]

365.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 7

601. Do you have a lust for life? i wouldn’t say so lol. 602. Do you want to get more out of life? experience and memories i guess. 603. Would you want to learn to: Convert to Buddhism? no. Cure a hangover? i kinda already know this one. Lie persuasively? i don’t lie often, so no. 604. What character from a movie is most like you? i’m blank right now. 605. Are you comfortable with the idea of your own death? not really.

606. How do you feel about arranged marriages? i understand it’s cultural but it sucks. especially if either parties have experienced love before. 607. What do you hate that everyone else seems to like? olives. 608. What do you like that others seem to hate? surveys lol. 609. If you had to be named after a month, which month would you pick? august. 610. Is time more like a highway or a meadow to you? it’s a damn highway. 611. What is your favorite movie? i have a ton. 612. Which would you choose to be back in the day: a warrior, an alchemist, a minstrel, a bard, an oracle, a peasant, or a merchant? probably a merchant. 613. What is your favorite song lyric? i don’t have one. 614. What will you never run out of? love. 615. If you could force someone to fall madly in love with you, (anyone you choose) would you do it? no, i’d hate knowing that it’s not genuine. 616. Have you ever seen the Disney movie The Black Cauldron? no. 617. Have you ever read The Black Cauldron by Alexander Lloyd (or any of his other books in the Prydain Chronicles)? no. 618. Have you ever written a paper the night before it was due? How about the day it was due? yeah but i had already started it beforehand. 619. Is there a movie you have watched so many times that you can quote it line for line? yes, def mean girls lol. 620. What is your favorite season? autumn. 621. Do you mind being described as cute? i don’t mind but why lol. 622. What is the tackiest object in your home? i’m not quite sure...there’s definitely something. 623. What do you think people are most ignorant towards? things that they haven’t experienced. 624. What is it that makes you an interesting person? i guess it depends on the person, if we have similarities i guess i could be interesting. 625. What makes other people interesting to you? just their life stories i guess. 626. How open to suggestion are you? always. it doesn’t mean i’ll follow it though. 627. Is Michael Jackson black or white? black. 628. Are you often lonely? not often. 629. What’s the most unusual pet you’ve ever had? a fish? nothing crazy. 630. Have you ever threatened an authority figure? no. 631. If you had to choose would you rather make all your decisions henceforth with your head only or with your heart only? haha shit. heart i think. 632. How imaginative are you? not crazy imaginative. 633. Do you like the Counting Crows? no. 634. If you took this survey from the diary (5000 Q Survey V2.0) did you note me so I could read it? ok. 635. Are you more tense or laid back? i get to both extremes so it’s weird. 636. Does your happiness depend on anyone else, or are you happy no matter what any one says or does? it can be both. 637. What do you think of the idea of putting the bible into the format of a fashion magazine to attract the interest of teenagers? haha kinda weird. why fashion? maybe as a normal magazine format. 638. How often do you drink to get drunk? about once a month. sometimes less. 639. Would you consider yourself to be diplomatic? yes. 640. Do you think that most of the classes you have taken were taught in such a way as to make plain the relevance of the subject matter in your everyday life? not at all. 641. Do you remember Crystal Pepsi? no. 642. When was the last time you spent a night away from home? two weeks ago. 643. Some people say that there is no such thing as a stupid question. Is that true? i don’t agree. 644. What is the most interesting TV channel? discovery channel. 645. Name one song you could live without hearing ever again: that watch me whip watch me nae nae song lol. 646. Do your pets understand you when you talk? probably not. maybe just my body language. 647. What are three things you HAVE NOT done that might surprise people? i’m an open book so i don’t think i could really surprise anyone that knows me. 648. Have you ever had a secret admirer? no. 649. Have you been to a museum this year? yes. 650. Do you ever watch porn? i have before but i don’t regularly. 651. Do you think that it would be a good idea if people served in the army, navy or air force for a while before they were allowed to vote? umm idk. 652. If you were required to do this to vote, would you? idk. it depends how informed i was. 653. Do people often give you weird looks? not that i notice or care. 654. Do like Japanese cooking? yes, one of my faves. 655. Do you care for stray animals? no. 656. Which animated movies have you seen and what did you think of them: A Charlie Brown Christmas A Garfield Halloween The Secret of Nimh The Last Unicorn The original Lord of the Rings cartoons lmao none. 657. Are you ambidextrous (equally good at using both hands)? nah. i mean i can use my left hand for stuff but it’s not perfect. 658. Do you always say; “bless you” after someone sneezes, or do you hesitate? if i know them i’ll say it. 659. If you and your friends could go away for 2 days over Halloween weekend where would you go? a secluded beach house somewhere. 660. Which of these animated movies have you seen and what did you think of them: Watership Down As the Wind Blows Grave of the Fireflies How the Grinch Stole Christmas Spirited Away i’ve seen two but don’t remember them. 661. Do you feel that society is male dominated, female dominated, or neutral? let’s be real, male are still dominant. i hop this changes in my lifetime. 662. What words offend you? i hate when people say the n-word, especially if they’re not entitled too. it’s so cringey and embarassing. 663. They’re just words. Can you get over it? nope. 664. Have you ever looked into different religions? i’ve learnt about them i guess. 665. Which ones have you looked into? all. 666. What do you think of Satanism as a religion? idk. i don’t know much about that one. 667. Do you like it better when your classes are taught sitting in rows or sitting in a circle? rows. 668. Have you ever read your own tarot cards? nope. 669. Which ones do you like better, the three old star wars movies or the 2 new ones? i don’t watch star wars. 670. If you scream in outer space does it make a sound? no idea. 671. If you saw The Queen of the Damned did you want to be a vampire/Goth afterwards? i didn’t watch it. 672. If you saw SLC Punk did you want to be punk afterwards? - 673. What is your favorite zombie movie? - 674. Best kids birthday party: ceramics, chuck-e-cheese, roller rink, bowling, sleep over, movie theater all of them are pretty cool tbh. 675. What were your parties like when you were a kid? i had some at home with a jumping castle, mcdonalds, parks etc. 676. Best teen (about 15-16) birthday party: ceramics, chuck-e-cheese, roller rink, bowling, sleep over, movie theater, house party, catered in a hall, restaurant, family trip, concert house party or restaurant. 677. What are/were your 15-16 year old parties like? everyone has either movies, house parties or restaurant birthdays lol. 678. Best 18th birthday party: ceramics, chuck-e-cheese, roller rink, bowling, sleep over, movie theater, house party, catered in a hall, restaurant, family trip, concert, club, pool hall, college party club. 679. If you are 18 what was your party like? i went clubbing. 680. Best 21st birthday party: ceramics, chuck-e-cheese, roller rink, bowling, sleep over, movie theater, house party, catered in a hall, restaurant, family trip, concert, club, pool hall, college party, bar, Atlantic city/Las Vegas trip a vegas trip would’ve been amazing. 681. If you saw The Craft were you interested in wicca/paganism/magic afterwards? sorta but i didn’t look into it. 682. What are your top 3 priorities? being happy, finding a new job and losing weight. 683. If you saw fight club did you want to get into a fistfight afterwards? i haven’t seen it. 684. What is your favorite smell? way too many to name. 685. Give everything below a humor rating (1 = laugh your ass off, 2 = lol, 3 = smile, 4 = lame, 5 = not funny, 6 = offensive): People falling 3 Rape jokes 6 Sarcastic comments 3 Blonde jokes 5 Dirty jokes 2 God/religion jokes 5 Long-ass jokes 4 Death jokes 5 Pain/sickness jokes 5 Animals doing cute stuff 3 Bodily functions 3 Knock jokes 5 Ethnic jokes 5 Puns 2 Ironic situations 2 685. If you saw Cruel Intentions did you want to have lots of meaningless sex afterwards? no, i was a kid. 686. Do you get at least three hugs per day? it depends who i’m hanging out with. 687. What should someone never say to you/call you if they want to remain on your good side? no talking shit about my family or friends pretty much. 688. If you saw Trainspotting did you want to do drugs afterwards? never seen it. 689. Do movies have a great influence on you? sometimes. they have to be good lol. 690. Do you have a favorite reality TV show? yes, a couple. 691. Are there certain roles that people are pressured to play in society or can they basically do whatever they want? sometimes it depends who your family is. at the end of the day everyone should be able to do whatever they want. 692. How does the 2004 Dawn of the Dead remake compare to the original movie? haven’t seen either. 693. Have you ever held a magnifying glass over an insect to burn it? i’ve tried that as a kid but it didn’t work. 694. Have you ever pulled the wings off a fly, butterfly or any other insect? noooo that’s so mean. 695. What would you think of a guy (if you're into guys) or a girl (if you're into girls) who wanted to take you to the park to feed the birds and look at the turtles and fish in the water on a date? i’d be down, why not lol. 696. Do you use public pools? i haven’t been to one in years. 697. Do you use public bathrooms? if i’m desperate. 698. Do you use public showers? no. 699. How old will you be in 17 years? 43. 700. Would it effect you at all if you knew that a very large meteor was headed towards earth that would impact in 17 years? as the time came closer, yeah.