#and how those symptoms affect them so they can go through it with their doctor

[our-ehlers-danlos-experience]

My EDS experience is being self diagnosed and wanting to get a cane but not knowing how to bring it up to my family doctor

If you're able to do so on your own, I say get the cane! You can usually find them fairly cheap on Amazon or at your local pharmacy. Just be aware of how using a mobility aid--especially the wrong size--can harm you. My go-to for measuring canes is to make sure the handle sits at about wrist height when I'm standing straight with my arms loose at my side. I find the advice to have the handle at hip height doesn't work for me, since I have longer arms, and having the handle at hip height tends to push my shoulder up uncomfortably.

[dead-girl-prolific]

Ticci Toby + Personality Disorders and Mood Disorders

this is based off of @necroromantics post, i felt very inspired to share my thoughts on it, although it took me about 3-4 days to get done i had a lot of fun!

this is mainly about BPD and ASPD(one mention because i don't know a lot about ASPD as a whole) as far as personality disorders go, i know the most about those when it comes to personality disorders. out of mood disorders, to stay relevant to the original post it'll just be the two types of Bipolar disorder.

I chose these three disorders as my topic because they are the most common headcanon for his character(and my headcanons).

PSA:

SOME OF THIS INFORMATION COULD BE OUTDATED, i haven't researched Bipolar in 2-3 years so if anything is wrong i'd like to address the fact that i am NOT a professional! also some/most of this is personal experiences and researches i've done!

now that that's out of the way. let's start rambling!

What is bipolar disorder?

From someone whos lived with both parents struggling with BD (Bipolar Disorder) (my mom shows heavy signs of it, but is not diagnosed, my dad is) it is very much possible i could have it too, but both BPD and BD have a lot in common but are still very different (symptoms). They both have severe mood swings, They share some symptoms, such as depression and impulsive behavior. The main thing that separates them is that BPD is a Personality disorder and Bipolar is a Behavioral Mood Disorder. BD is characterized by periods of extreme highs and lows, known as manic and depressive episodes. BPD affects how individuals perceive and interact with the world around them.

They are very hard to differentiate in a patient and people usually get misdiagnosed, the symptoms are VERY similar which is why it isn’t common to diagnose minors. (it’s not impossible to be diagnosed with both as a minor.) (this is what my doctors have shared with me)

a little tangent- my dad was diagnosed with BD at a very young age (i’d say 12 or/to 16) and it was only diagnosed because he had several…”episodes” (he broke several laws and maybe/probably committed a few felonies.) i don’t know much about my dad’s past, but from what my grandpa and him have told me he’s been bailed out of jail/juvie a lot. He was not medicated because he didn’t like what the medications did to him, so that’s probably why he was so “EXTREME”.

His episodes lasted for a while sometimes 3-4 months or less, but my episodes (i have BPD) can last a few months as well(but around 2-3 months), because of clinical depression(major depressive episodes) which is a huge symptom of BPD, the longest episode i’ve had was maybe two and a half months and it happens a lot about once-twice a year, with no rhyme or reason. i'm looking into getting diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder because i have a lot of symptoms that concern me, but it's possible i was misdiagnosed with BPD(i doubt it because of the symptoms i experience) it is very much possible i could have both, which is why i need to figure it out, it's dangerous for me to not be medicated properly.

Does Toby canonically have bipolar?

If you don’t know enough about something (BD) you shouldn’t create a character with said things (BD) or at least do research before. In my opinion Toby has a personality disorder, although I cannot quite pinpoint which. If i could psycho-analyze (it’s been a while since i’ve taken a full blown look at the entirety of the character.) he most likely struggles with Bipolar but it was misdiagnosed with BPD he also shows some symptoms and traits of someone with ASPD. TECHNICALLY he has canonical BPD through his behavior, but the creator of his character "misdiagnosed" him and gave him Bipolar disorder, but it's totally okay to headcanon him with something else (or something more "fitting") or just projecting, all of it is fine to some extent.

Do you headcanon Toby to have bipolar?(or a personality disorder)

Yes, to put it simply he has potential to be a multi-faceted character, and I know a lot of people like to project onto creepypasta characters in general, as a coping skill. Toby is also “canonically” “Bipolar” i use both of those terms loosely. As someone with (possible) Bipolar and has lived around those with Bipolar I’d be open to writing his character with Bipolar, as an informed writer I would prefer people to at least do research on the subject before making assumptions on how the character would behave/think. Overall if the character’s experience is written well I wouldn't mind reading it. I do not condone misinformation, but i do condone learning about it for a passion project such as writing. As someone who hasn’t struggled with ASPD i don’t necessarily feel comfortable writing it but if i did a decent amount of research for the character and the disorder it could change my mind as long as i get outsider viewpoints.

How to properly write Toby with bipolar?

do not romanticize it not getting treated, as someone who struggles with a disorder not getting treated, it is definitely damaging to my mental and physical health. so writing for a character who isn't being treated for something is something i'm a bit iffy on- but if you do research and don't go overboard, it could end up being really good for awareness.

(i headcanon that he was originally on medication but he didn't take into account the fact that he needs his medications, so he basically fucked himself over and regrets it (subconsciously) after a manic episode of course)

there is an author(s) who does a really good job writing his character with Bipolar/BPD if you are interested in reading their work dm me!/inbox me!

maybe write about how his work relationships would be impacted, and how his friendships would be, his romantic relationships all of it, don't just focus on "ooo i'm mentally ill" it would not only affect him but it would also impact those around him by whether or not they know about his Bipolar disorder and if they know hes having an episode.

it would probably, a few times, get him caught by the law given the fact that people with bipolar are very indecisive and it would mostly be chalked up to him being like "this is wrong, i don't want to do this anymore" to "ARSON!!!" (bad analogy but you get it) his emotions and feelings on the matter of is job would fluctuate all the time, even while he's on the job. it leads him to be erratic and spontaneous. he isn't a very reliable partner, which is why he probably only goes on single missions.

i feel like if he were to be medicated it would be at the expense of Tim's medications since toby can't get his hands on other medications that are used for mood swings and such.

What do manic episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

"Manic episodes are very intense highs in mood and energy. Despite what people say, real manic episodes are only experienced in people with bipolar disorder" @necroromantics

this is true, as someone with BPD, my "manic" episodes depend on someone that is my FP (favorite person) and when i am not having a "high" of energy i'm usually numb and my "manic" episodes are usually only an hour long or the amount of time that i am with my FP. BPD cannot get Manic.

although there are two branches of Bipolar, Bipolar 1 which is characterized as many manic episodes and less depressive episodes but Bipolar 2 is characterized as many major depressive episodes, that usually last a lot longer than the manic episodes. (this is worded as simply)

"A very real danger of manic episodes is that some people experience co-occurring psychosis alongside their episodes, such as delusions and hallucinations." @necroromantics

another thing Toby struggles with is hallucinations of his deceased sister Lyra.

"These highs can also lead to dangerous acts due to the recklessness and lack of proper judgement on whats safe/smart in that moment. There is also hypomania, which is a lesser, more mild form of mania." @necroromantics

you are mixing up both Bipolars... they are separated (from the studies i've done/researched)

Manic Episodes-

it would all depend on how exactly he feels/ the situation and how the writer decides to portray that. (if the writer is properly informed of course)

What do depressive episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

 "They typically last longer than manic episodes, usually about 1+ months." @necroromantics

this depends on whether or not it's Bipolar 1 or Bipolar 2, this is the "definition" of a Bipolar 2 Depressive episode. bipolar 2 episodes can occur for longer than a month, that is correct. bipolar 1 has longer manic "highs" than bipolar 2, bipolar 2 barely gets manic "highs" and when they do it's not for very long. (from what my doctors have told me/what i've seen in my dad (he has bipolar 1))

as someone who has seen these symptoms and had them i can assure you they are not fun, especially dealing with them WITHOUT proper medications, although currently i am very "manic" and getting a lot of shit done, kinda like i'm on adderall rn lol.(that's the closest comparison i can make to how I AM feeling.)

"He would probably disappear for a bit, to be left alone, because he doesn't want to be around anybody. He would spend his time sleeping as much as he can, and then the rest of his time doing proxy work, and then going back to sleep." @necroromantics

i wouldn't say sleeping is all he's doing, when i have depressive episodes (which episodes are different for everyone) i tend to go off my diet, make a lot of other regrettable decisions(EX: relapse, forget important stuff, become more "lazy" etc.) that prolong my episode. but sleep can also be affected such as; getting too much sleep or struggling with sleeping (i.e waking up every hour to every few hours).

What are mixed episodes?

 "This can look like feeling super energetic, but also horribly hopeless and depressed, or being on top of the world one minute, and then wanting to off yourself the next. They are very intense, and dangerous. It feels like you're losing your mind, and you can't catch yourself." @necroromantics

i am going to add to this. not only will you be super energetic but you'll want to do so much but have no energy to do it, like lets say you had a great art idea, oc idea, and writing idea, but you would be too unmotivated to do any of it. sometimes you can't pinpoint what to feel/what you're feeling, and that's totally okay! confusing, annoying but still its completely okay.

I'm free to answer with my personal experience, and headcanons and prior knowledge of mental health about any creepypasta characters! DM me or inbox me!

[mysadcorner]

Hello! Just wanted to start by saying thanks for your amazing writing and sharing with all of us! If it’s not too much trouble, could I request headcanons for Jason Todd with a significant other who has chronic pain? Personally I’ve got endometriosis (it’s a rude little thing) and that causes quite bad pain, so I’m being a bit self indulgent here. Thank you very much if you manage to get around to it! ♥️

Jason Todd x ChronicPain!Reader Headcanons

-Credit to the gifs owner - Please be specific about characters wanted in headcanons -

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I personally suffer from CFS/ME which also comes with frequent pain all across my body (as well as many other symptoms) so it was nice to get a request like this. Thank you! :)

Jason's first reaction to you having chronic pain would be instant sympathy, but he wouldn't want you to think that he feels any less of you. Jason just wants you to know that he wants to help as best as he can while also feeling bad about the situation you're in but can't change.

He would do his best to try to figure out what you need, whether that be lifestyle changes that you may need help with or just simple things that you go through everyday. He doesn't mind helping you out and will be more than happy to provide the things you need once he's figured out what would help you best.

He would also accommodate to you through things in his own life just because he cares about you so much, and he'd never want you to feel bad about these changes as he's doing them willingly. He would even change his schedule around completely for you if you needed it, just so that he can be with you during specific times that your chronic pain may take place, or need help getting places due to the pain causing you issues.

Jason and his family know a lot of people, especially those who are well qualified. Because of this he'll go out of his way to ask around as to what may help you even more, or asking about certain methods that could make things easier for you, and he'd prefer to do this than just listen to your doctor without looking any further for information as even he knows that a single doctor can be dismissive over problems or simply wrong about things a lot of the time.

If your chronic pain was impacting you a lot more than usual he'll take some time or even a few weeks off from his everyday activities so that he can look after you full-time until you're able to do some things on your own again, although he may need to leave during the night so that he can continue protecting Gotham. He doesn't mind doing this and would prefer if you're honest about when you're struggling so that he can make sure you're as well as you can be in the long-term.

If you're ever feeling anxious, or just simply want company, to appointments, then Jason will go with you and will be more than happy to do so. Not only does this make you both feel better about whatever nerves you're having, but seeing how your appointments go gives him a better idea of how your condition works and affects you in depth which then enables him to aid you better or give you reassurance about certain things.

Jason is distraught on the inside when he sees you suffering from your chronic pain, but he'll try his best to not let you see. He'll spend his time trying to look strong for you so that neither of you get emotional about it and you continue to feel supported by him. He will open up to you about how he was feeling in that moment a while later once the pain has decreased (if it does) so that he's still being honest with you but strong in the moments you really need him.

Constantly being stocked up so he can look after you - Jason is constantly checking how stocked up he is on pain medication for you, mainly since he regularly buys some for himself just in case he's ever injured while out as Red Hood. This makes things a lot easier for you since they're always ready to be used and you don't need to worry about not being able to go out and get it for yourself when you're pain is severe. Plus, this makes him calmer knowing that if he's ever not there you have something to minimise the pain by yourself rather than suffering until he's able to help if you feel comfortable letting him.

[cascadianights]

"Mental illness and neurodivergence aren't a physical disability" for SOME minority of people that is true! For the rest MAJORITY of people you're spreading the same gaslighting the worst doctors do when they tell you to exercise your way out of crippling anxiety!

"The brain isn't an organ/isn't part of the body" Wrong! I don't know how else to explain this!!! Wrong!!!!!!

"Mental illness/neurodivergence doesn't affect the body or physical ability" Are you??? A real person who's lived on this planet??? Are you being fucking for real with this??? Neurotransmitters and hormones affect EVERY SYSTEM IN THE BODY - in a panic attack your digestion is shut OFF, your whole body is burning energy and going through extreme duress. Depression and fatigue come hand in hand, and not because it's "all in your head." Not being able to leave your apartment for a week due to agoraphobia or schizophrenia affects every single part of your mental and physical health. Not being able to eat for a week because of exteme nausea (physical) from anxiety leads to the same shitty symptoms as if you couldnt due to not being able to physically prep the food (also something that happens with severe mental illness). Not being able to be in the moment or focus because of OCD and intense intrusive thoughts, not being able to concentrate enough to even read or process what's happening, you think those things don't in turn effect hormones and neurotransmitters and how you FEEL and how much energy you have remaining after being on high alert using every square inch of focus just to understand a conversation and communicate? You don't think emotional pain compounds and adds to physical pain and vice versa??? You don't think there's a reason Autism and ADHD have a million physical comorbidities that can be directly connected to living in a state of constant stress, organs shut down, brain and other organs in your body literally not producing the right chemicals or functions - IBS, CFS, stroke, heart attack, diabetes. Why can some of you understand being black or trans in America leads to direct physical health issues and Disability from the constant stress and gatekeeping and lack of resources, but not YOUR LITERAL ORGANS MALFUNCTIONING AND ORDERING EVERY OTHER SYSTEM IN YOUR BODY TO DO SO AS WELL????

The brain is an organ. The brain is one of many many systems affected and interconnected in mental illness/neurodivergence. Severe mental illness and neurodivergence are a full body disability. Full stop. Period. Excluding us is to exclude parts of yourself, it's cutting off the parts of yourself the doctors gaslit about your disorders in order to feel better, it's lateral violence, it's a false barrier since if many of us didn't start w "real physical disabilities" we will have them as a direct result of our mental ones within years. It's nothing but a way to falsely separate yourself from mentally ill and neurodivergent people, and WHY ARE YOU SO ///DESPERATE/// TO DO THAT??? What of those reasons don't come down to self hate or hate at the way doctors and others treated you or just fucking petty intergroup violence you refuse to accept as such based on an author from 50 years ago and some salty Opinions on other people's lived fucking experiences?

Nevermind how many people with mental illness and neurodivergence have other major physical disabilities and try to find community, and are greeted with constant constant separation and DNIs and assumptions? Literal attacks on people with mental illness cast as activism. Do you think your petty divide is WORTH the thousands of people seeing and feeling that immediate rejection of a place that should welcome them w open arms? "They talk over us" HOW MUCH OF THE TIME ARE YOU BLAMING AUTISTICS FOR BEING ANNOYING AND NOT READING THE ROOM INSTEAD OF YOU OR A MODERATOR COMMUNICATING??? AND HOW CAN YOU TALK OVER PEOPLE AT THE SAME LEVEL AS YOU???? Its false fucking dichotomies and lateral aggression and turning the harm done to you on others. That's it. I'm tired of people pretending it's flat out anything else.

[ssruis]

Idk the treatment of saki’s disability by the writers just irritates me bc like (& full disclosure this is written by someone who’s chronically ill but able to live w/o major symptoms) there’s so little thought put into how her disability specifically intersects with her mental health & overall life beyond a general Inspirational Look At Her Go She Can Overcome Anything type of take.

I dislike fully articulating my thoughts but to sum it up my experience with my own chronic illness was manifestation at 18 -> horrifically managed for 2 years bc doctors/parents did not take it seriously -> in so much pain that I couldn’t really move until i was put on immunosuppressants during peak covid and I watched close friends treat me like a burden for wanting the group to take covid precautions/abandon me because I couldn’t Party Hard anymore (to the point where one friend brought me somewhere where her friend fucking had Covid and sat next to me & then she texted me the next day like whoops heehee) -> severe depression & life ruining ensued. My family had to deny a good insurance opportunity bc my RA was an existing condition & they wouldn’t pay for my meds for two years and I had the fun side effect of my mom implying it was my fault/it was a burden over it. Etc etc. I don’t want to get into the full story because it’s unfun and also lengthy but I want to provide context for why saki’s treatment bugs me.

Her not really caring about honami/shiho not visiting bugs me. I get that life gets in the way but them going (semi?) no contact is a little shitty. Being disabled & not being allowed to be upset about the treatment you receive from your loved ones because you know they don’t see it as a big deal is. So frustrating. She deserves to be upset with them for that and have a conversation about it. There’s so much pressure on people w disabilities to essentially go “yeah I am a burden it’s my fault so I’m grateful you’re even spending time with me” that’s reflected in saki’s story and never challenged.

I’m too tired to articulate the complexity of her dynamic w tsukasa but it also frustrates me that it’s only touched upon that saki feels like she inconveniences him by being sick/she thinks him going out of his way for her is a burden. I love tsukasa and I’m obsessed w how much he cares about his sister but I also think saki deserves to be frustrated with how neurotic he is about an illness that isn’t his own.

So much abt being disabled (especially for those who are more affected than I am - I want to make that clear) is being told by society that you are a burden for needing accommodations/costing your family money/struggling with things able bodied people can do/etc. & saki very clearly feels a lot of that but it never gets challenged. Something that’s always stuck with me was seeing a tiktok where someone was like “actually I AM a burden bc I cost my parents money for antidepressants/adhd meds” which was so…. Buddy as someone on those meds and also 4/5 other drugs to manage the chronic illness I don’t want to hear shit from you abt being a burden. Imagine having panic attacks over career choices & fucking up your schooling permanently because you’re petrified of not having stable insurance to pay for the overpriced meds that keep you from being in agony and your friends/family don’t take it seriously because you look fine even though you can barely move without extreme pain and nobody in your life understands it or attempts to do so and you feel like the doctors don’t care because they give you meds & no diagnosis and you’re still in a pain that defies description. And your disability gets in the way of your passions and you can’t just muscle through it because doing so would fuck your body up even more. & then get back to me. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. Moving on.

I don’t know if the colopale writing team has anyone w a disability but I feel like saki’s chronic illness essentially being a thing of the past & she’s just like “I’m fine now” is shitty. Ig it fits with her character but also she’s a fictional character and the writers are capable of addressing this. and they’re not. I want to see saki being told that she’s allowed to be mad and she’s allowed to feel unwell and she’s allowed to not be inspiration porn and she’s allowed to have ugly feelings and address those & that she’s not a burden and it’s ok to rely on others when you’re struggling.

[myneurogenderramblings]

So, I want to break down this piece of “art” that I constantly run into when searching for autigender content. I’m doing this because a) I can’t sleep because it’s bothering me so much b) I want to help other autigender people who come across it and are similarly bothered. Break down some of the claims made. So, let’s begin.

First, the artwork itself.

First off, the implication that you’re the only autistic person who gets a say in the validity of the label is kind of weird. Every autistic person is different. “Your” autism isn’t a gender. “My” autism is. Our experiences are different. I know a frequent difficulty for autistic people is understanding that your perspective isn’t universal. So I’m trying to be understanding.

Now, the rant posted along with this piece of art.

You say this is not targeted towards transgender or nonbinary people. But the people you are targeting are literally trans or nonbinary. Autigender is an identity under the nonbinary umbrella. You say that you’re going after people who turn everything into genders. But why is that a bad thing?

Now we have the dictionary definition of autism. Seems somewhat accurate, if a bit dated. And yes, nowhere in the definition of autism is it listed as a gender. But this person appears to have a fundamental misunderstanding of what autigender is. Autigender is not “a gender that literally is autism”, though it can be that for some people. Autigender is a gender that is so fundamentally shaped by someone’s autistic experiences that the two are genuinely impossible to separate.

Yes. And your experiences with autism are perfectly valid. Doesn’t affect your gender? Not even a little bit? That’s all fine and dandy. Just because all autigender people are autistic doesn’t mean all autistic people are autigender. It’s like how all squirrels are mammals but not all mammals are squirrels. Just because your autism and your gender are completely separate doesn’t mean it works like that for other people. Again, I know this is a common trait for autistic people, so I’m trying to cut them some slack. I find it odd that this person felt the need to specify how their autism makes their life worse. Does identifying as autigender somehow erase the struggles autistic people go through? How? Like, I’m genuinely curious. I’m autigender and I would never say that my autism isn’t debilitating at times.

How does autigender existing make fun of your diagnosis? Or imply that autistic people aren’t human beings? The only reason you would think it implies that would be if you don’t see nonbinary people as human beings. Also, “actual” autistic people? I’ve been diagnosed with autism since age 5, and as soon as I discovered the term autigender I instantly fell in love with it. Next, this person, who just stated in their last paragraph that they are a cisgender woman, starts talking about what’s offensive to transgender people. What I find interesting is the fact that autigender people are somehow exempt from all the bad things that happen to transgender people. Someone who seeks out a trans person to commit a hate crime against isn’t going to stop if they see the person wearing an autigender flag pin.

Now we are being sent links to NIMH resources on autism, schizophrenia, depression, and anxiety. There’s this weird assumption that people who use these genders don’t know anything about the condition, which is very odd because these genders are exclusive to those with the condition. Yes, none of the resources talk about how said condition can affect gender. Because someone’s anxiety playing a role in their gender is mostly harmless. These resources are for doctors who need to know how to treat harmful symptoms. Gender identity can become inherently disordered (an example being Transgender-OCD), but for the most part a gender identity being affected by neurodivergence is not something that needs treatment. And once again, a cis woman deciding what constitutes transmisia.

I hope you enjoyed this breakdown. If not, I don’t care. It was cathartic for me and that’s why I made it. Now I should really get to bed.

[britcision]

Alright my lovelies, despite my Dragon Age distractions it is still WIP Wednesday and I still have snacks for you!

Today we shall be snacking on BRUCE! 😈

Things have picked right up again with this chapter since I’ve changed a couple scenes to Harley’s POV but I am gonna let it run long to make sure we get all the way through Croc so I can close the door on that lil side quest

The final chapter miiiight need to be posted in two parts, which I don’t like doing but then the next one after I get to boop back to the Ghost Zone, so we’ll see!

————————

A Good Excuse To Be A Bad Influence iv

Pulling himself slowly from sleep just a little past noon, Bruce had to admit he was feeling better. The headache had dulled to a low throb but he felt clearer.

More aware of himself, and after a glass of water, more like he could take on the day.

It was far from his first concussion and he was well used to navigating the symptoms over the next few days. So long as he didn’t get any serious memory loss he wasn’t going to worry about it.

He had far more serious things to worry about, but even they seemed more manageable after almost nine hours of sleep.

Honestly… he wasn’t surprised that Jason hadn’t come to the cave. Hadn’t agreed to stay away from Danny when asked.

It had felt like a reasonable request at the time, like the bare minimum of common sense. But they didn’t have that kind of relationship anymore.

Jason didn’t trust him. Didn’t trust Bruce’s judgement, in how to deal with criminals or anything else.

Jason hadn’t been the boy who’d looked to Bruce with such trust, such wonder and awe, even before he’d died.

Sometimes Bruce wondered where he’d gone wrong.

But there was no use dwelling on the past. Bruce would like to re earn Jason’s trust some day, but he wouldn’t ignore their present relationship.

Jason wouldn’t trust that Danny was a danger to him without proof, so Bruce would find that proof, if it existed. Hopefully before Jason’s condition became proof itself.

The first and most obvious step would be to consult the Justice League Dark at today’s meeting, and then make arrangements for this doctor from the Infinite Realms.

He’d have to look into those laws Jason mentioned ahead of the meeting. Perhaps bring them up to Constantine, see how it might affect matters with the Infinite Realms.

A bitter part of him mused that he wouldn’t be surprised if the magician was completely unaware of most international laws, let alone the ones of the various lands he travelled, but still.

The man had been so adamant that the Infinite Realms were completely beyond their ability to handle. That they should cut and run at any cost.

Bruce could hardly imagine he’d be pleased that the US had apparently declared its inhabitants the targets of its newest genocide.

Of course, changing the laws and having them struck down would take time, but Bruce still hoped that the act of beginning might be enough.

Enough for him to visit Jason’s doctor in the Realms or some other neutral ground, since the doctor couldn’t come here.

Jason had said that he would be fine, not that he was already fine. Bruce wouldn’t have believed him if he had, not really; Jason hadn’t been fine since he’d been dunked in those damn pits.

Their poison had stuck with him far longer than anyone Bruce had ever heard of.

Hells, Bruce had had his own dunking. He could just barely remember the rage that had forced itself down his throat, into his lungs as he was brutally thrust back into the land of the living.

He had controlled it, had mastered it quickly, and now it was nothing more than a faint scrap of memory. Even that was still enough to grant his deepest sympathy to Jason’s struggles.

If the rage had never left him…

But no, he decided, going through his morning routine like he was still the young playboy Brucie who never showed his face before 3pm.

There was no point in indulging those thoughts either. He had mastered the pit’s fury, and it released him. For whatever reason, Jason hadn’t.

And now they all had to deal with the consequences.

Still, Bruce let himself hope for the future instead.

If his children were right, if Jason was right… if Danny or this mysterious doctor from the Infinite Realms could help him with the pit rage…

He might one day see that little boy again. The boy who looked at Bruce like he’d hung the stars, who could fly because Robin made him magic.

There was nothing in this world or any other that Bruce wouldn’t give to see Jason whole again. To see him happy.

The United States government were going to learn (again) what it meant to come between the Batman and the safety of his sons.

The Justice League’s meeting would be in another four hours. He had plenty of time to do some research and amend their presentation.

So long as Jason was right.

And speaking of Jason… there was just one other thing he’d like to do this morning. Heaving a sigh while he had the privacy of his room, Bruce pulled up his phone again.

He didn’t quite indulge himself as far as making a face as he punched in Constantine’s number, because concussed or not he was an adult. And he was going to need the man’s help.

Surely Jason wouldn’t object to a single check in with a trusted practitioner?

As the phone rang, Bruce once again cursed the circumstances that kept Zatanna off world. He was about 75% sure that Jason actually liked her.

But maybe the extent to which Constantine annoyed Bruce would also cheer him up.

The call went through, and Bruce snapped his wandering attention back. Maybe he’d take the rest of the day off after the meeting. Heal up a little more.

Alfred would be proud.

“Constantine. A moment of your time before the meeting?” It even sounded like a question, not a command. Sleep really had done him a world of good.

——————

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[htbrpblog]

(OOC: Trigger/content warning for gore descriptions. It's basically just infodumping about wounds and treatments because, come on, he'd do this if he had a blog. Plus, it's an excuse for me to infodump). There are so many things that can go wrong from a cut, so I'm going to tell you some of them.

(OOC: Badeline sprite by Amora Bettany. Sprite edit by me. These are meant to be visualizations).

The first layer of skin is called the epidermis. The epidermis is very thin, and if you get cut only to that layer, it will not bleed. The epidermis does not contain any type of blood vessel. The very outer layers are often dead, so sometimes you will not feel anything if it is damaged, just like hair and fingernails. These won't cause too much damage, but you must wash them with soap and water anyway because they can still get infected. The next layer of skin is called the dermis. The dermis has arterioles, and capillaries. You might see veins and nerves there by proxy if you get to the reticular layer, but they are a little deeper. If you are bleeding, wash the cut, or it will likely get infected by something. Most of the time it won't be something deadly, but there are many deadly infections you could catch, so that is why it is important. If the blood squirts at this layer, you likely got an arteriole, and you should put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding. If you have healing medicine to put on the cut, use it. If a cut gapes, you must use medical tape or steri-strips to hold it closed. If you don't have either of those, use anything that can hold the cut closed for weeks. The best thing to do would be to go to the doctor and let them treat you, or at least go to the store and get the proper materials. If your cut is yellow on the inside and looks bumpy, that's the hypodermis, and you need to go to the hospital because that can turn very deadly, and you'll need stiches. Here is where the veins and nerves are, and if a nerve got cut, it's going to be extremely painful, and nerves don't always heal. There are arteries as well. If an artery is damaged, it will squirt blood, and it is very dangerous to leave untreated. This is how people can die of blood loss. I have hardly even mentioned the deadly diseases that could kill you from just a small untreated wound. The first one is gangrene. Gangrene is when your cells die because there is no blood flow. It can actually be caused by an infection, and some people have gotten gangrene and died from it after only having a minor cut. There are a few types of gangrene. Dry gangrene is the specific type I was informing you about a few sentences ago. Wet gangrene is when you get an infection on top of your gangrene, which makes it deadly. Gas gangrene is when there is gas under your skin, causing it to create bubbles. It is deadly as well. The last type is internal gangrene. It can happen if your organs are slipping through a hole in your body, also called a hernia. It is also deadly. Sepsis is when your body tries to treat an infection but gets confused and attacks itself instead. This is why it's so important not to let any wound get infected. When it progresses, it will turn into septic shock. You will feel like you are dying because you will be dying. Some symptoms are being very confused, flu symptoms, difficulty breathing, fast heart rate, low blood pressure, pain, or being unable to stand up or stay awake. If a wound goes septic, you have to go to the hospital immediately, or you will probably die. Back to the main topic, if you manage to get a cut to the fascia, which covers the muscle tissue and can look white, grey, or blue, you must go to the hospital. You can also get necrosis from an injury like this, which is like gangrene, but it's not from a lack of blood supply. It will damage whatever cells it affects permanently, and it usually will affect the deeper tissues. If you manage to get an injury that goes all the way to your muscle or bone, like if you aren't careful with an electric saw, you need to go to the hospital. That could sever tendons or ligaments, so you won't be able to move that area as much anymore. You should always clean your wounds with soap and water. Water does nothing by itself. Do not use hydrogen peroxide, it'll kill your cells as well as the bacteria. Cover your cuts with bandages. Go to the hospital of you must. Do not wait to treat you injuries.

[defilerwyrm]

Thank you for posting so authentically and tbh poetically about your transition. I was wondering if you have any gems of wisdom to share about your total hysto.. I was born with a malformed uterus (it is bicornuate) I've always had problems from it and I just want it gone. How was the process? And healing? How has the removal affected you in the years after? I appreciate you bro.

Heya, first off, sorry for taking so long to reply, and thank you! It’s been really rewarding to get to share my experience with others, answer questions, and hopefully dispel some myths. Bottom surgeries for trans men & trans mascs are too often maligned or erased and I’m grateful for the opportunity to fight against that with facts and experience.

The process was kind of funny. The admission and all such were your typical surgery stuff. They kept me overnight in the hospital pumping me full of saline with two jolly nurses watching over me. More or less every hour I woke up needing to piss like a racehorse, and the nurses would gently make fun of my woozy attempts to get up in these marvelous Georgia accents while helping me do so and disconnecting me from the drip, and I’d shuffle off to pee like half a liter (like…literally). This pattern continued until I was able to pass a certain threshold of how much I peed at one time. The purpose of this was to make sure my bladder was working correctly. After that, they let me sleep a bit and then I was released.

Before the surgery I had asked my surgeon if I could see the parts she was taking out, so she took photos for me of my insides during surgery and the whole kit & caboodle after it was removed, and printed them out on nice glossy paper for me. I was frankly astounded by how tiny the uterus actually is. Diagrams make it look like it’s the size of both hands put together or something but it would have easily fit in the palm of one! Also my liver is kinda cute. I still want to frame those photos.

I went home and mostly slept in a recliner a lot for the first couple of weeks. I wore sweatpants and kept an ice buddy (a penguin full of rice my friends got me) on my belly much of the time. I am pretty good at staying ahead of the pain with my meds without taking it more frequently than is safe, so I was only really a little sore and very, very sleepy. Bathing was a matter of wet wipes and dry shampoo for a while. I think I was off work for somewhere between four and eight weeks, and once I was past the first two or so, I spent a lot of time still in the recliner with the ice buddy, but this time binge-watching Critical Role and playing Stardew Valley. My cats stayed as close to me as they could the whole time. I think 4 weeks after the fact I was more or less fine.

Shortly after my spay, I started having hot flashes: since mine was a total hysterectomy (they removed the uterus, both ovaries—which, sure enough, turned out to be absolutely riddled with cysts—and the cervix), my estrogen level went from low to fuck-all, so I basically went through Menopause Lite. The hot flashes weren’t miserable. They were just stretches of time when I looked around and went “Is it just me or is it hot in here all of a sudden? Is the A/C on?” and it was, in fact, just me. Those came and went for maybe 3 months.

(A note for cis women and for trans/nb guys who aren’t on T: I attribute the mildness of my menopause symptoms to the fact that PCOS and HRT were already suppressing my estrogen production. If you have “normal” estrogen levels, there is a non-zero chance that yours will be worse. Ask your doctor for more info about this. If you don’t have your ovaries removed, you won’t go through this in the first place.)

Obviously I am now forever free of the misery of menstruation and the unacceptable risk of becoming pregnant. Both of those things are extremely awesome and I love them forever. Being sterile fucking rules! I’ve wanted this since I was 6 years old and no one can ever take it away from me! \:D/

This last section is about peeing so it goes under a cut!

The one and only downside is that I need to pee, like, all the time. Granted, the fact that I drink about a gallon of water every day does have a lot to do with that. But I’ve found that the sensation of needing to piss urgently comes a lot sooner than it used to. On a normal day, with me sitting here guzzling sweet, unchlorinated, high-quality well water all the time, I have to hit the head every 1-2 hours. If I stop drinking liquids about an hour or two before a road trip I can make a 3-hour drive without needing a pit stop. I asked my mom and a friend, both of whom have also had hysterectomies, if they go through this too, and they confirmed that yeah they do need to pee a lot more frequently than before the surgery. Just, y’know, not as often as I do because they’re not drinking 3-5 L of water daily.

The upside to THAT, actually, is if I need to wake up early, I can just drink a glass of water before going to sleep and I am guaranteed an early wake-up. I am an extremely deep sleeper, much to my own detriment—except where my bladder is concerned.

An odd little thing I’ve found, since my uterus is no longer helping to control where my bladder sits in my torso, is that how I urinate is a little different. Before, it was just the normal muscle movements I’d been doing all my life. Now, I find that urine comes in “waves”: it starts out normal, but then—it’s hard to explain, but I use a slightly different sort of muscle movement, a Kegel type thing, to…it feels like repositioning my bladder a little(???), and then I can feel the rest of the urine pouring down to my ureter, and then it’s normal pissing again. I mean…I’m just guessing at what’s actually going on in there based on what I can feel happening, so I could be off, who knows. It’s a little strange, but it’s not at all painful or anything, it’s just a neutral thing.

I very strongly recommend starting Kegel exercises as soon as you can if you plan on getting a hysterectomy, if you’re not doing them already. These can go a long way to making sure you don’t have problems with incontinence afterward. They were a standard part of my daily life for quite a few years leading up to my spay and so far so good.

[ask-the-clergy-bc]

AAAHHHH can you write some headcannons for the papas helping a depressed partner??

Happy to write this but always like to say a few things when it comes to this particular subject.

You're never alone and there is no shame in asking or seeking help. You don't have to suffer alone, and there is love and support for you during these hard times.

I hope these head canons can bring comfort to anyone who is just having a tough time mentally, right now.

Trigger Warnings for talks of Mental health, depression, depressive symptoms, and talks of doctors/medication.

Further Disclaimer: Every individual with depression has different symptoms and experiences. We all have our own needs and ways support helps us. This will not cover every experience, but I hope it covers a good general range. Thanks!

Papas Supporting Their S/O With Depression

Papa Nihil: Despite not having the best medical knowledge, Nihil knows depression and how it has affected many of his friends in life. Seeing you, his partner, be affected by it makes him sit down and actually learn all he can. Yes, he was always the supportive friend and mentor in his time as Papa. You couldn't be Papa without helping those in need. But it's different now that it's someone so important to him. Nihil makes it a point to sit down with you when you have the energy. The fancy medical text books and blogs can only tell you so much. Nihil knows only YOU know how you feel. That's the root of his faith after all, trusting your own mind and sense. So that's where he truly wants to start and support you! He asks how do YOU feel and what YOU are personally going through. Truthfully, it was nice for someone to ask and not just ASSUME you are having all typical depression symptoms.

You're also a bit flattered that Nihil is protective of you during initially working to feel better. He'd eat his own saxophone before jumping to conclusions that you were going to hurt yourself, or that 'he knew what was better for you.' Nihil trusts you and whatever path you want to take. Just know if it's seeking professional help you'll get the best, and if you felt like your doctor was dismissing you well... the doctor is going to have to deal with a lot of ghouls in their work place. Other than that, he will be by your side as long as you need him. He isn't a doctor, but he loves you with all of his being. So he will be there to carry you when you can't stand.

Papa I: His support is often very gentle yet firm, and goes at your pace. Papa will never force you to 'just get over it' or 'try to be better'. Actually, he often hates blind optimistic or overly cynical approaches to mental health. Neither are helpful, and he'd refuse to subject you to them. Papa is more prepared to ask you what you'd need, and WHEN you'd need it. Maybe one day you need his help entirely, and other days you don't want him messing with your progress! Either way, he's an unwavering presence. As a magic and faith user who supports medical advice, Papa would help shape some aspects of your daily routine to alleviate some of your symptoms. Anything that just makes getting through the day with less stress and hassle. It's slow but steady, but it makes life so much easier!

You find you like him not verbally reminding you to keep with your meds. Instead he incorporates them wordlessly with breakfast or lunch. Instead of energy drinks, he offers hand blended teas he uses from his own garden (He loves a good holistic approach when appropriate in his own aging body.) They are a good way to get a bit of energy and calm down. Papa encourages you to join him for some daily tasks- whether that's a small errand you can run together or a small activity. He worries about a lack of stimuli for you and tries to keep you out of bed as much as possible. But he will never force you. Instead he uses his deep and comforting voice to ask you join him just once. Most importantly? When you have no energy, he let's you rest. Let's you sleep it off because that's your body telling you what you need.

Papa II: I've often said that Papa II always has a tough time with issues he can't fix by punching them in the face. And trust me, if he could punch your depression he absolutely would. Papa keeps to himself how much he HATES watching you struggle. Because sulking about it on his end isn't helpful and he'd never put that burden on you. Instead, Papa tries to do his best to support you where he is needed and wanted. If you looked closely at your daily life, he does subtle things to make your life easier. Encourage you to get up with him in the guise of needing company, cooking to see if you'd eat because he took time to make it, or even just making small comments of 'Oh, I need my vitamin. Do you want me to grab your antidepressant?'

For big things, he goes where he is needed. Papa would be loathed to make you ever feel like you didn't have autonomy even on your low days. So you have discussions about it often. Papa and you have decided that, outside of emotional support, he would get more staff to help with daily tasks. And you appreciate it on days you just can't do anything. What you even cherish more is him always reassuring you that having help DOES NOT make you a burden or useless. Everyone needs a little extra help. And if that means hiring a ghoul or sibling to do some laundry or make food, then by Lucifer, he's going to hire the entire convent! And he'd be BLESSED before he let you feel like it wasn't ok to need support! Papa is always a strong rock for you.

Papa III: Papa has never told anyone about his own struggles with mental health. He's had some pretty bad lows in his life. So he knows exactly what you are going through, and he fucking hates seeing you like this. If it was up to him he'd take it all away and keep you safe. But life is not the fairy tale he'd like it to be. So Papa resolves to do what he always wished someone would do for him; be there to support you unconditionally. Papa offers this in MANY ways. But the most important one he wants to convey to you (should you be open to it) is just making sure you know you are NEVER alone. That, and letting you know you are such a precious person to him and you are NOT broken. Because truthfully, that's all he ever wanted for his own battles.

Papa does everything he can for you, whenever you want. His best expertise is letting you talk it out. Getting out all of your numbness, your fears, and even some of the events that triggered your depression. Other times, he tries to keep you occupied- even if it doesn't necessarily bring you joy. Just something to keep your mind off of how awful you feel AND knowing you have a safe person to do it with. Sometimes these are walks, sometimes these are cheesy horror movies, and even more they are just small activities to do together. Anhedonia was the worst for him, and Papa believes finding some sprinkle of joy in life is a good start to hanging on. For him back in the day it was finding he likes writing. So he's happy to help you discover what brings that spark back for you.

Papa IV/Cardinal Copia: Copia is a well known pillar of strength in his flock, even before ascending to Papacy. But it's distressing to him to learn that you, his beloved, has this problem. If it wasn't for the fact he has done this so much he wouldn't feel qualified to help you. But Copia REFUSES to throw a pity party for himself, especially when it's YOU who needs the help! So he's going to be there for you as the best partner he can be! Starting with encouraging you to seek professional help. Copia will always be there as a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on, but he knows his limits. One day when you mention you were considering medical intervention, he sat with you and encouraged you gently. Copia explains all the benefits to you and offers to go with you to your appointment. Even sheepishly he has had to do the same before. He won't be ashamed to admit he's had his own battles with anxiety.

Copia does what he can to assist you when needed. Sometimes he brings you to his office on less busy days so you can have some work. It takes your mind off of matters without being overwhelming. Copia makes all the time for you he can so you don't have to be alone. (or if you want space he gives you all of it you need between checking on you once in a while.) Copia is very big on sticking to professional recommendations, as the routine helped him control his anxiety a bit more. He offers his advice (when asked) and is happy to do tasks with you. With his Papa connections too he gets the best therapist when you ask, and will refuse to stop looking until you find one you have the best chemistry with. A bit over the top? Yes. But you're worth it to him, and he will do whatever he can to see you beat this.

[ruthlesslistener]

Hello! I'm not sure what proper etiquette is here so I hope I'm not overstepping, pls feel free to ignore if I am. You mentioned in a tag and/or post about having estrogen allergy? My wife is dealing with that, and it's... so difficult, most doctors don't know what it is and we thought we had a short term solution so she could finally get some sleep (she hardly sleeps at all anymore because of nightly itching). It's so hard to find ANY information on it and we're not sure how to proceed anymore. Just...wondering if you have any information at all? I'm sorry if this sounds desperate, it's because...it is lol.

Thanks kindly, from, your friendly neighborhood very worried lesbian wife.

Dw anon, you're not overstepping!! I've been in hormone hell since I was 13 so I know how much of a relief it is to find someone who understands for once. I don't believe that me or my mom (who's also affected) have the same allergic reactions that your wife is experiencing, but I'm hoping that I can help anyways.

Okay so first off, the doctors not knowing about estrogen allergies is bullshit. They may not be super common, but they've also been documented since at LEAST 1921. Just a cursory google search has yielded two scientific articles about it (that looked legit when I scanned through them before going to lecture, where I'm typing this rn), which I'll put right here:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5745953/

https://waojournal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40413-017-0176-x

I'd suggest trying to read through medical journal articles on it because despite the density of the information and the difficulty of the language, medical articles tend to be more comprehensive about the symptoms and causes than ones written for the general public. They also mean that you have the language to confront doctors about it if you wish- which you'll have to do, because if she's experiencing an allergic reaction like itchieness, then I'd also be concerned about potential anaphalaxis if her reactions get more severe. The intolerance that me and my mother had manifested in different ways (migraines, muscle weakness, disorintation, being hypersensitive to food/unable to keep food down, extreme drowsieness leading to being bed-bound), but those weren't quite on the level of being so itchy that you can't sleep. A more typical allergic reaction is something to be concerned about and I highly suggest not only stressing this to your doctor, but also getting confrontational about it and meeting multiple different doctors if needed before you get care. Force them to run tests, force them to listen to you. That's my biggest regret when it comes to my hormone issues, because they just got progressively worse and worse until I had to go to the ER for it. Turns out that I was not only estrogen intolerant, I also had hypothyroidism! And nobody in 10 years of appointments thought to check for that!!

As for what helps me and my mom, I found that progesterone hormone treatment was effective for us both (until it stopped working for me, but I still don't know why that is. It works for my mother). You might want to be cautious about trying this because in the articles I read, some people were just as sensitive to progesterone, but it's worth a shot. I used to get the DEPO-provera (or however its spelled) shot to offset the issues caused by estrogen, which is an injection once every few months. I also found that once I went on testosterone that a good chunk of my hormonal health issues straight-up vanished, but obviously that's not exactly the best option for everyone. I'm on a masculinizing dose so maybe you can do a really super low-grade dose, but I'm telling you about it mostly just to get the point across that HRT works. It's not just for trans people- cis people get hormone fuckery and need hormone therapy as well.

But there's also proposed solutions in the articles I linked, so I hope those are helpful or give you an idea of treatment options. Best of luck!

[genderkoolaid]

As a trans and disabled person, I have no strong opinions on endo systems but I actively hate “transdisabled” people. Most of the community I see treats disability like an aesthetic, like I chose to have my legs not work and that I look cool in my chair. And yeah maybe I do look cool but my disability brings so much fucking pain it feels disrespectful to act like it’s something I should be happy about. If you’re not in pain, you’re not in pain. Gender is a social construct but disability (to an extent, and I’m talking about my disability which severely impacts my nervous system and also causes access tissue to grow leading to severe pain) is not a social construct. It is something I have to suffer through every fucking day and to try and co-opt and draw conclusions between me and someone who doesn’t have to go through that is so disrespectful to me. You do not want this, it is painful and frightening and I have a good chance of dying before 30. If you feel like you have these symptoms and can’t afford a doctor I have no hate against self dxing. But acting like you have a disability with no symptoms is just a plain fuck you to those who suffer from them everyday.

Again, if you feel transdisabled due to an underlying psychological issue, I wish you the best and I hope you’re able to access adequate mental health care. But you do not have what I have. Your body is not twisted, you do not wake up everyday in agony, your body is not destroying yourself and I find it horrific of you to act like it is. For me transableism feels like it is treating the fact that I have had to fight for every step I take, every place I go, every time I’ve collapsed in absolute agony, the nights vomiting my guts out because there is tissue growing where it shouldn’t be, the amount of times I’ve screamed my throat raw into a pillow because my nerves are on fire and simplify it into a flag or an identity is so fucking disrespectful. If you have the same symptoms as I do and it is unsafe to go to a doctor or the doctor won’t believe you, I’m sorry and I support your right to self dx and I hope you find medication that helps. If you have BIID I hope you can find the therapeutic help you need in order to feel at home in your body. But you don’t have the disability I do, not to say BIID isn’t a disability or it’s a lesser disability, but you do not have what I do and it is infuriating to me to say you have what I have without experiencing a fraction of the pain that I have Final message: I don’t want to say I hate transabled people or I wish harm among them because most of them are younger people. But I want you to think about how demeaning it is to tell someone who’s body is twisted and overgrown and painful to say you want to be like that? To say you’ve been through the same thing? Stop. I know you’re not trying to be, but you’re being ableist. Trans people transition through a social construct by my pain is not social. Please seek psychological treatment for your BIID and stop making those flags

Okay, first, I need to clear this up: I do not have BIID and I am not transabled. I am already physically disabled, I use mobility aids, I am in pain constantly, my ability to eat normally is fucked up, and my quality of life has been severely negatively affected by my physical disability, to the point where it has been a major component of why I have been suicidal. Trust me, I understand. I would be pretty upset if someone came up to me and said they were envious of my disabilities, because it's rude to act that way about someone else's suffering.

My problem is, everything you have said is the exact same reasoning cis women have for seeing trans women as offensive. There are many cis women who have lived lives full of horrific misogyny, who have been deeply traumatized by misogyny, who view womanhood as intrinsic suffering and pain. And they feel that trans women are extremely disrespectful, because how could they possibly know what it's like to suffer through horrific misogyny? How could they act like womanhood is some fun game full of pink and flowers when it has been a major source of trauma in your life? These cis women feel that trans women view womanhood as an aesthetic, they only see the patriarchal construct of femininity and think it looks like fun, and they are extremely offended by the idea that a "male" can just co-opt womanhood and try to act like "he" knows anything about the horrible, traumatic experience of being a woman.

Now, disability and gender are not the same thing, nor do they function the exact same. But its the same arguments, and the same gut reaction to seeing someone seek out something that causes you so much pain, and feeling like they are spitting on your pain by doing that. Its an understandable reaction, but not one that is based in connection with those people.

The more I read about people with BIID/transabled people and their experiences, the more I really feel for them. Their experiences of dysphoria are real, and lead many to the strong desire to hurt themselves in order to relieve it, in lieu of available surgery; many trans people can relate to that desire. Their experiences of euphoria are also real- the few people who have achieved their desired disability seem to, fairly consistently (although the data is Scarce), genuinely feel relief and are able to live happier lives. Here is one study on a man who had his leg removed and was very happy with it, and another one on 21 people who were able to get surgery- for that one, every single person said they didn't regret it at all. They felt happy with their bodies, free from depression, and overall felt their quality of life had improved extremely.

Again, I understand the gut reaction to seeing someone say that they are envious of amputees or that they wish they could be disabled. It's not an evil reaction, it's not a bad reaction. But their desire does not negate anyone's suffering, just like a trans woman's euphoria does not negate a cis woman's trauma. Their pain and their joy are real, and it does not negatively affect me, or you, for them to experience and pursue that joy. They can definitely be ableist, and be disrespectful to disabled people, but that is not an inherent part of BIID/being transabled. And there are people who are already physically disabled who are happy with their lives and are fine with being disabled, especially amputees; why should that be fine, but transabled people are warped fetishizing freaks? And, again, their desires are not hurting disabled people. All of the people in the above studies spent years thinking about their desires and what it would mean (which I think is important to point out, because if you are basing your entire view of a group on teens on Tumblr, you probably aren't going to get the most nuanced, coherent perspective). I think it's rude to suggest that other people, who have never met a transabled person, just inherently know that they are fetishizing and thinking being disabled is a fun game. Shouldn't we listen to them on their experiences? Writing all of them off as not understanding what it's like to be disabled is a generalization, and the same can be said for trans people- how do we damn transabled people in a way that doesn't give fodder for transphobes? I feel like solidarity between both groups can be used to fight for greater bodily autonomy, no matter how strange their desired body seems to the culture they are in.

All in all, I completely understand why you feel the way you do. As I said, I would not want someone to tell me, to my face, that I'm lucky to be disabled. But that's not what having BIID or being transabled means- and I do think there is some value in the radical statement that being disabled is not inherently a lesser existence than being abled, and people can and are able to be happy and love their lives and their bodies as disabled people. I don't think transabled people should claim that they are physically disabled (unless they have transitioned and do have that disability), but their desires are not inherently ableist or awful. Their dysphoria is legitimate and they have a right to seek body euphoria, the same as a trans person, or someone who wants tattoos, or someone who wants to get body modifications to look like a lizard.

[multiplicity-positivity]

I don't know if there's anything to say about this situation we seem to be in. My psychiatrist has made it very clear she thinks my headmates are hallucinations, or dilutions and that if we get my antipsychotics right they will go away. I have no diagnosis so she might be right. But if she is then I'm going to feel very bad as though I've been lying and I'm going to lose people who've been very nice to have around with me. And if they don't go away she might try a different antipsychotic even though this one fixed the hallucinations that were actually issues. I feel like I lose no matter what. I wish all of this was much easier. Sorry if this all didn't make sense. Hope you're well. And if you're not I hope you are able to feel better soon

hey, we are so very sorry to hear you’re going through something like this. we’re not sure what sort of advice we could provide to help you here, but we’re seriously wishing you the best.

where we live, we get to have a say in what medications we take, and won’t be prescribed a medication that we’ll then be forced to take without our consent. maybe this is the same where you live? it may be worth it to look up the laws in your area regarding mental health medications and the rights of patients who are prescribed them.

our prescribing doctor also has recommended us antipsychotics in the past. we are prone to delusions and episodes of post-traumatic psychosis. however, we ultimately decided against taking them because, like you, we were nervous about how they might impact our system. in the end, we always have had the opportunity to agree or disagree with our doctor when it comes to managing medications.

it might be worth it to ask yourself a few pointed questions like:

1. what are my hallucinations like? do my headmates feel, act, behave, look, etc. similarly to my hallucinations?

2. are my headmates causing me distress? are they impairing me or making more difficult for me to function?

3. do i want my headmates to go away? is taking antipsychotics worth the risk of losing my headmates?

we’re not trying to persuade or disuade you from taking antipsychotics here. rather, we’re hoping you can do a bit of self-exploration to try and learn how your headmates are affecting you and what you hope to achieve with regards to taking medication in the future.

there are systems out there whose headmates are indeed hallucinations. hallucinations don’t have to be bad, and it’s quite possible to have pleasant or even helpful hallucinations. just because society scorns psychotic folks doesn’t mean those of us who experience psychosis should have to put a stop to our positive symptoms at all costs. you deserve agency and autonomy in your life, and yes, that includes agency to choose how you manage your hallucinations and delusions.

ultimately, we just want to express how sorry we are that you’ve been put in this difficult position. regardless of whether or not your headmates are hallucinations or delusions, you deserve the right to choose whether or not you can keep them around. we hope that, either your psychiatrist will have a change of heart and accept your perception of your system while allowing you to have a say in the medications you take, or you can find a better prescriber who is more willing to listen to you and take your concerns seriously.

good luck with everything. seriously, we are wishing you the very best.

🐢 kip and 💫 parker

[sunnygrey99]

Death Be Damned Pt. 4

~Trigger Warning: Typical TWD warnings. Minor Character death. depictions of violence. (minors DNI) If any other Triggers apply please let me know.~

A/N:Sooooo I took a bit of a break again and I was a bit stuck on what I wanted to do. Like I've said before I don't like how much unnecessary death is in the show but that doesn't mean there won't be any. I think some are important for character growth. I hope yall enjoy this chapter I am hoping to post another this week.

Wordcount: 2,035

Each member stood outside the doors of the now-locked shower room. They all stare in disbelief at the body laying in front of them. None of them dare to speak first until you and Daryl round the corner.

“The hell happened here?” Daryl’s question was hushed not to alert anyone who might pass through at this time of night. Glenn’s voice is the first from the otherwise stoic group, “No bites...had the doctor look him over. He said it seems like a flu virus of some sort.”

“We are having him and Hershel going around first thing in the morning to see if anyone else is having flu-like symptoms.” Sasha’s soft, clear voice rushes out as she crosses her arms.

“I’ll help them I had a few years in as a Nurse while I was in the military.” You couldn’t help but pipe up in the meeting of the council members, even if you weren’t one yourself. Daryl glanced over at you questioningly for a moment before choosing to ignore whatever thoughts he had about it.

Carol looked over at the two of you before speaking up, “We need to get ahead of this. Quarantine his whole cell block and post a guard. Keep anyone else from dying needlessly.”

“We can’t just send anyone over there and possibly get sick too” Glenn’s conscious speaking for him.

“I’ll do it. I was already exposed to Patrick just by killing him.” You couldn’t help but look back at the boy’s body. This kind of stuff never used to affect you but this time it’s different. These people are entirely innocent. “We all need to start wearing some type of mask too. If it’s a flu its mostly spread through the air.” Pulling your bandanna from your pocket, you start tying one around your head to cover your face. “What do I tell them when they ask why I’ve locked the cell block door?”

 Carol sighs as she looks over at you, “The truth...just sugarcoat it a bit. We better get a move on then. Try not to let this spread.”

With that, you take the key from Daryl and head to the cell block. Checking that everyone is in the cell block before locking the door and setting up a chair where you can see the whole cell block and its occupants.

 The night goes by in a slow drag. Eventually, people start waking up and coming to the front of the block to head out for the day. The first was a dad and his two girls. “What’s going on? Is there something wrong?” His worry is ever present in his voice as his hands grip his daughter’s shoulders.

You give him a tight smile as you stand to talk to him. “We had someone pass away from this block last night. The council is putting the block on lock down until everyone gets checked out by the Doctor. He should be here soon.”

“So...we...we are locked in here? What if someone else is sick?” You are quick to step forward and put a calming hand on the man's shoulder.

 “It's all under control. We have medicine to fight it off we just need to have the doctor make his rounds and once you’ve been cleared we will isolate those who haven’t been. The best thing for you to do now is take your daughters back to their room and keep them company.” The man looks down at his daughters next to him and he nods taking them back to their room. Each interaction goes about the same until the doctor finally arrives at the cell block door.

After letting Dr.S and Hershel in, locking the door behind them he fills you in on what the illness is. “It’s likely a mutated form of swine flu. It’s a fast-acting strain so if the whole cell block was exposed then they will either be asymptomatic ond non-contagious by this point. But the ones with any symptoms should be secluded from the others. I’ve already let the council know.”

Nodding you look around at the other cells. “What do we tell the others that aren’t sick?”

“I’ll have them all go to the showers to decontaminate just in case and stay in another block. This one will need cleaning.”  Nodding you head to the top of the block starting from the end while Dr.S and Hershel work the bottom row of cells. Only 3 of all the people examined seem to be experiencing any symptoms. Karen, David, and the father of the two daughters Ryan. It wasn’t until the final cell on the top row that things started to look grimmer. A growl has you pulling your hunting knife from its sheath. Pulling the makeshift curtains to the side it a walker makes its way to the bars. It felt like an eternity as the man got close enough. sticking the long hunting machete through the bars he simply walked into the blade himself. Pulling back and taking a deep breath you turn to look at Hershel and Dr.S talking at the bottom of the steps.

They give pause looking at the grim look written across your features. Shaking your head and walking down to give them the news. “Who was it?”

A shaky sigh escapes you, “I don’t know his name. I only met him last a couple a nights ago when he swapped me on fence duty.” He had been nice to you and given you a fresh water bottle before taking your place.

It was then that Rick and Daryl walk through the cell block doors. “Bathroom should be clear for the others to wash up now. How’d rounds go?” Rick’s calm voice has a hint of anxiety to it.

Not wanting to have the others relay the bad news to the others you take it upon yourself. Pointing up to the cell you give another sigh, “Only one passed. Must’a been sometime in the night, he locked himself in his cell. Only 3 others are showing symptoms.”

Daryl’s eyes followed where you were pointing. His stoic features only give away the sadness and recognition slightly. “That’s Charlie’s cell. Use ta sleepwalk.” His voice was quiet as the name left his lips.

Looking to Dr.S you decide to relay any other information as Rick and Daryl head up to take the body out to be buried.

The day progresses slowly until screaming can be heard at the front gate. By the time you make sure Judith is safe with Carl and Sophia, you make your way to the fence Rick and Daryl are already on the other side of the fence leading the walkers away with the sick pigs. Pulling your hunting machete out you make your way to the other side of the fence killing off any stragglers that get too close to the truck. Daryl shouts out the window at you with half a grin and the other half worry, “What the hell ya doin’ woman? Gonna get yerself killed!”

You only smile over at the man before you slice the closest walker’s head clean in half. By the time all the pigs were dead and all the walkers from the build-up were laying motionless Daryl and Rick swing back around to pick you up.  You plop down next to Rick who doesn’t seem very happy about today’s events either. You give him a knowing nod.

He gives a scoff and half smile, “Why the hell ya gotta be like that? That was stupid.”

You roll your eyes at him as you all re-enter the gates “I ain’t never been smart Rick you know that.” You wink at him and shove his shoulder. The small playful smiles on your faces fall when you both see a very upset Tyreese.

Everything seemed to happen all at once and one right after the other. On zero sleep You stand over the chard remains of three bodies. The same three that you had led to that room earlier in the day. Karen, David, and Ryan were all dead now. It isn’t until you have to help pull Tyreese off of Rick that it becomes so real and so fast. Your first thought going to Sophia and if she’s safe being here with a murderer along with this flu. Then the pain hits you that she isn’t yours to look out for anymore even if you desperately want to. At that moment you decide it's best for you to leave. This would cause problems if you don’t.

~3:00 AM ~

Sliding the last thing in your old bag you decide it's best to leave without as many people knowing as possible. Leaving a handwritten note for Carl, Rick, and Sophia laying on your bed for one of them to find. As quietly as possible you make your way to the front gate only to be stopped by a gruff voice.

“Ya really leavin’?” He has been the only person this whole time that’s been able to sneak up on you without even trying. Freezing to your spot only nodding at the man in the dark of the night. “Why? Ya found yer family here...”

Sighing at the man you turn to fully face him. “Daryl...I don’t have any family. My brother is dead. Sophia ain’t mine and well Rick was just Shane’s best friend.”

He scuffs, “That’s some bullshit and ya know it.” He starts pacing slightly like he usually does when he gets upset. You’d seen him do it a few times now.

 “I can’t stay Daryl. It’s not fair to them if I do.” Turning to walk off you stop as Daryl grabs your arm just tight enough to keep you from stomping off.

“They need ya and yer just gonna leave? Sophia still needs ya. Ya’ve been protectin’ her this whole time and now you are gonna leave her high an’ dry? I can’t accept that.” His grip tightens slightly at his words.

You rip your arm from his grip. “You’re gonna have to. Carol is her mom. Not me. I only promised her I’d get her back to her family. I should have just left that first night. Would have been easier for all of them.” With that, you stalked off. Daryl tries to follow after you but you make a break out the gate and toward the woods faster than Daryl can get them to close the gate back up. Tears stream silently down your face as each step gets harder to take away from the prison that was starting to feel like a home for the first time in your life.

After finding your bike that you had hidden away from the prison you made your way as far away from the camp as you could. Little did you know they would have needed you more than ever in the next few days to come. Weeks later you go back just to check on them. You regretted ever leaving since you ran out the gates. Seeing the overrun fences and the walkers everywhere your heart shattered. It was the worst feeling you could imagine. Anger coursed through your veins as you slashed your way through every single walker in the field then all the ones in the courtyard. Even the fatigue in your muscles was pushed aside by the pure rage burning through you. By the last walker you still hadn’t found any of them. Only a few were people you recognized but the others had to be out there somewhere and you were determined to find them again and make sure nothing else would ever happen to them again.

Part 5

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[intersex-questions]

Hello! I was afab and I've been iding as tranmasc for a while. I've had friends and family assume that I'm on testosterone but I never thought much of it I do have solid sideburns, am def hairier than my sister, and my voice reads as p androgynous, but it makes me happy so I never thought much of it. However, I recently started the process to get on hrt and I found out that my testosterone levels are already notably higher than is typical for cis women, if still below the standard male range-- my doctor actually assumed that I'd been diying. He told me that there isn't any point of looking into specific conditions unless I have symptoms that are causing issues, so I don't have any sort of diagnosis. Could I be considered intersex? Is there any point to thinking abt it if I'm abt to start testosterone anyways? (also-- are there any conditions that just cause androgenisation? Bc I don't have any of the other symptoms of pcos)

Hi there! I’ve sorted this ask into sections for organization and easier reading. Since this regards whether being intersex or not, I will make it clear here and several times within the post that I am very inclusive in what intersex is.

Are you intersex?

Immediately, I’d say yes, you are, fullstop. Hyperandrogenism is an inherently intersex condition (which is an opinion of mine that I believe is true). There is definitely a vocal minority of intersex (and especially perisex people too) who think that you need more “qualifications” to be intersex. However, I don’t think that to be true. There is a large number of people in the intersex community who will welcome and accept you as you are and understand and truly see you as another intersex individual. To those who don’t agree, ignore them the best you can.

I also saw that you mentioned that it’s not something you can self-diagnose which can be true, but one does not necessarily have to go through medical processes to figure out you’re intersex. It’s okay if you decide you aren’t inherently intersex because of your hyperandrogenism or that you don’t want to label that way, but you are absolutely welcome to. If you feel like something additional might make you count as intersex,

Many individuals learn they’re intersex without having gone through any diagnoses or hidden altering of their body by medical professionals and find out on their own time throughout their own life. For example, if someone had ovotestes with a formed vagina and penis, but this was missed throughout their life and they grew up as and were raised as female, they might one day begin to question if they are perisex or intersex, and it would be completely fair of them to decide being intersex describes their life experience without going to a doctor who can test to see if they have ovotestes.

How are you intersex?

You are experiencing hyperandrogenism, which is an intersex condition of excess androgen hormones. This leads to increased “masculinization” of the body based on traditional views of masculinization vs feminiziation. This is a condition that does not need a diagnosis to know that one has. Hyperandrogenism is not to be confused with the mazculinizing effects of testosterone HRT as many trans+ individuals who go on testosterone HRT develop features that those born with hyperandrogenism already developed without it.

Potential diagnoses

I see that you mentioned LOCAH in your second ask, which is a great start. Before you sent that, I was going to say you could potentially have NCAH/LOCAH as my main recommendation. If you’ve done your own research, you might know this already, but I’m going to explain again just in case.

CAH stands for congenital adrenal hyperplasia and it is a group of genetic disorders affecting the adrenal glands. Adrenal glands control cortisol, mineralocorticoids, and androgens. CAH is split into two categories–classical and nonclassic(al).

The chances of you having classical CAH are extremely low as it can be life threatening and is almost always diagnosed at birth. Classical CAH (usually just referred to as CAH) is split into salt-wasting CAH and simple-virilizing CAH/non-salt wasting CAH, the latter often being less deadly. Both of these produce too little cortisol and produce extra androgen. Salt-wasting CAH has an extremely low aldosterone count, which is necessary for processing sodium, hence “salt-wasting”. Non salt-wasting CAH is like salt-wasting CAH but with a less severe aldosterone count.

The symptoms of classical CAH include but are not limited to:

Ambiguous genitalia for those who were assigned female at birth (often with genitalia looking like a penis but having internal female sex organs)/clitoromegaly

Larger penis at birth for those were assigned male at birth

Premature puberty

Androgenization/masculinzation of those who were assigned female at birth (like the things you described, deeper voice, facial hair)

Infertility

Benign tumors

Nonclassic/nonclassical CAH, or NCAH, is a far more likely candidate. NCAH is also less commonly known as LOCAH, the “LO” standing for late onset. The symptoms of NCAH include but are not limited to:

Ambiguous genitalia for those who were assigned female at birth(less frequent and severe than classical)/developed clitoromegaly

Early puberty

Androgenization/masculinzation of those who were assigned female at birth especially during and after puberty

Larger penis with smaller testicles in those who were assigned male at birth

Irregular periods

Infertility

Hormonal disorders/issues with individuals with NCAH are significantly lower but not insignificant. Those with NCAH often have issues with the synthesis of hormones like cortisol that are associated with the adrenal gland are often asymptomatic or unrecognized in tests.

It’s totally possible you could have another intersex condition, or not this at all. Regardless of why you experience hyperandrogenism, you do, and that alone makes you intersex.

You could also have PCOS. Ironically, you can have PCOS without having cysts. Symptoms of PCOS include:

Hyperandrogenism

Irregular periods

Large ovaries

Cysts on ovaries

Clitoromegaly

Skin tags

Hyperandrogenism can be a symptom of an adrenal gland disorder, those of which include but are not limited to:

Cushing’s syndrome

Addison’s disease

Adrenal gland tumors

CAH

Adrenal gland cancer

Pheochromocytoma

Diagnosis advice and testing/screening

Whether or not seeking a diagnosis is worth it is up to you. Because you have to outward health concerns because of your hyperandrogenism, it can be hard to qualify for testing. Being diagnosed with an intersex condition can lead to medical mistreatment, malpractice, and abuse, as well as difficulty in transitioning. I don’t want to say what you should do because I don’t want you to make your decision based off of anyone but yourself.

It can be difficult to test for NCAH once you have gone on HRT as tests for NCAH are usually done via checking the hormone levels in your body. I was actually in a nearly identical situation to yours when I was questioning if I was intersex, so I totally relate to you on pretty much everything! I was already on T by the time I was questioning if I was intersex, which meant testing would involve me going off of T (which triggers my dysphoria) and could be difficult because of the effects T had on my body.

Based on my knowledge, there IS a genetic test for NCAH, but I’m not sure how easy it is to get. If you want to be screened for NCAH, ask your doctor about it.

You could also be screened for PCOS, but the screening for PCOS can be very dysphoria inducing if things regarding your genitals or genitalia being inspected triggers that if you have dysphoria, as well as the fact that many gynecologists aren’t trans+ friendly or intersex friendly. Gynecologists can also be tough because many gynecologists aren’t required or refuse to give patients things that reduce pain during procedures or inspections. It can be tough to find one, but don’t be discouraged!

Going on HRT

Any trans+ patients starting testosterone should be starting with microdosing and have various things in their blood checked before they start HRT (things such as red blood cell count, bone density, testosterone count), etc. After you start, especially since you have hyperandrogenism, it’s really important to have your blood drawn at least once a month to check various levels. (Or modified based on doctor recommendation.) Starting HRT must be closely monitored in order to know and ensure your body is healthy and to figure out if you should increase or decrease a T dosage.

When I started T HRT, my testosterone wasn’t checked before hand or the records of it were inaccessible to my doctors, so I went from having an above average T count for a person who was assigned female at birth to a person with a T count ABOVE the average for cis men regardless of body size. And you must consider I am a tiny person (I was 4’11 and ~95 lbs at the time). My doctors ALSO thought I was dying, haha. They called all freaked out! Turns out I was fine.

Trans+ health doctors don’t usually think to check for potential intersex conditions that could affect HRT in my experience.

Make sure you advocate for yourself during your transition. It can be difficut but it is necessary!

Final notes

I saw you mentioned that you’ve been IDing as transmasc and the phrasing sorta makes it sound like you’ve been questioning that, so just in case–if you’re are questioning if you’re transmasc or not because you’re potentially intersex, you can still be transmasc! Generally speaking, transmasc is used to be synonymous with FTM and means someone who was assigned female at birth and then later identifies as/realizes they’re masculine-aligned or male*. I’d also like to say just, gender wise, label wise, you can do whatever you want, always. It doesn’t matter what people think. If not, ignore me and my little soapbox because I just wanted to make sure you know that!

And thank you for the kind words about this blog, I hope I can reach more and more intersex people on Tumblr and help as many people out as I can. And don't worry about "spamming", you didn't spam but even if you did I love spam so no worries. If you want to chat further you can DM me on here or on my Discord (which I can give via DM or via an ask off of anonymous and then I'll answer you privately)

If you have any other thoughts, questions, comments, concerns, etc., please let me know! Even if it’s just that this helped! I love getting to answer asks and help people out.

If I accidentally skimmed past any of your questions or concerns, let me know and I’ll edit this post to include any information.

And to anyone, if you see any false information, typos, grammar mistakes, formatting issues, etc., please let me know and I will change it.

*I’d like to make it clear that I fully support people who use this term otherwise. There is a significant number of intersex people who identify as transmasc because it describes part of their experience even if they were assigned female at birth. The terms transmasc/fem/neu(tral), FTM, MTF, FTNB, and MTNB are often used differently or used in a way that doesn’t fit the traditional expectations of many other queer people by groups such as: intersex people, bigender, multigender people, genderfluid people, genderflux people, genderqueer people, genderfucked people, and more. I absolutely support genderfuckery but also acknowledge that understanding of the term in how it’s usually used is necessary for understanding many individuals or conversations when the term is used.

[iturbide]

Summer Storm

27,573/50,000 words

Miryn’s voice broke the silence, soft and slightly frayed with renewed nerves.  “Where do we start?”

“West, I think,” Lindulf replied, turning his steps away from the city.  “None of the guard patrols have never seen them on the usual route, but this is about as far as anyone usually comes.”  Truthfully, none of the other patrols even came this far: he’d wanted to be sure Miryn made it safely to town, and when he’d convinced Izzy to take the market morning patrol, she’d extended the route without him needing to ask.  “If the guard has never seen them, then they must have their trap out beyond what we protect.”

The mage made a quiet, troubled sound.  “They must have been watching for quite a while, to know exactly where to set their trap.”

Lindulf frowned, keeping a careful eye on the overgrown brush at the roadside.  “This has been going on for a full moon now…”

 “But they must have been preparing before that,” Miryn pointed out.  “At least a week.  More likely a fortnight.  How else could they be sure that they were outside the range of any patrol?”

…he hadn’t thought of that.  He wondered if Izzy had. 

Silence settled between them, leaving only the sound of birdsong, chirping insects, the breeze through the branches alongside them, and their steps on the hard dirt path.  Lindulf  heard the mage draw in a breath, and tilted his head, waiting for him to speak.  “What do they want?”

The guardsman shook his head.  “I don’t know.  The reports have been…less than helpful.  Most people remember the people in masks talking, but less remember what they talked about.”

“It might be from the poisoning,” Miryn murmured.  “Neville — one of the doctor’s aides — mentioned that confusion was a common symptom, along with headaches and dizziness.  It might affect what they can recall, or if they can even grasp what’s being said to them.”

From what he’d seen and heard, helping to take statements with Izzy and his brother, that seemed likely.

“The victims who can recall: what do they remember the people saying?” the mage asked. 

“…werewolves.”

He heard Miryn stumble, and reached out to catch his arm; the potion maker caught himself, if only barely, eyes wide as he stared at his warden.  “Werewolves?”

“That’s what everyone who remembers anything says they talk about,” he said, hearing his voice start to pitch into a growl.  “They ask what the group knows about werewolves, and go on about how dangerous they are.  Mindless, ravenous beasts who will destroy at the least provocation.”

“…are they behind the werewolf attacks?” the mage whispered.

“…we don’t know,” Lindulf admitted.  “But…everyone who’s worked on it so far thinks they’re connected.  Crazed werewolves showing up at the same time as a group who’s trying to convince people that werewolves are dangerous…”  Even he could see how those pieces fit together.