#and i promised myself a long time ago whatever i make of my education would be to benefit kids like her

[firefly-fez]

hank and john i love u, ur doing amazing sweetie but do u have any idea how hard it is to sound professional and respectable when im emailing charities about the p4a. i am trying so hard to make this sound like a lucrative promitional opportunity and then i have to say ‘worldsuck’ with a straight face. like its a great term and it captures the impossible persistent reality of suffering and injustice like no other but. buddy. it dont exactly have a professional flair. i am trying to establish myself as a humanitarian advocate and honestly nerdfighteria is, like, a genuinely good foundation for that kind of advocacy and volunteerism but it’s a little like i am trying to build on an admittedly very sturdy steel frame that also happens to have a million little smiley face stickers all over it. like. this isn’t technically impeding me but i am concerned im going to raise some eyebrows.

[earianne]

If I had spent half as much of the time I did numerating about a “beautiful natural, pain-meds-free birth, in a golden hot tub in the middle of a mountain surrounded by goddesses” (as social media will have you believe - more on that later) instead on postpartum, maybe I wouldn’t feel like I’m being “hit by all the things, all at once?” (r. 1) as one does when one has a baby.

Before getting pregnant, I did a whole lot of C-section-Avoidance Preparation. Social Media promises that if you “do this! It’ll only cost you $$ to find out what this is!” and get past all the gate-kept secrets that You, too! can have the perfect, “beautiful natural, pain-meds-free birth, in a golden hot tub in the middle of a mountain surrounded by goddesses.”

Okay, but if you’re broke, you can try and drink this, eat that, practice these meditations, do these stretches, and learn all there is to know about the nuances of maternal medicine so that you can “stand up” to the doctor and nurses who will certainly usurp all power over you! Oh, and if you don’t have this birth, it is entirely your fault or that of your doctor’s.

I had a moment when I did blame myself and my doctor for the way my baby was born. It was hard to accept a major abdominal surgery & birth all at once!

But, as it happened, there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. And it saved both of us from a very dangerous situation.

I’m not saying I followed my doctor blindly - there was indeed a time that I stuck my heals in the ground and it was good I had! However, doctors have years of experience, education, training - and me? Although I know myself and my body and I do have a strong intuition, I am no match against the strides modern medicine has made in maternal health outcomes over the past 50 years. At some point, I had to let go of the Social Media Knowledge I had collected and trust my very skilled, very educated, very trained, doctor.

What I could have spent more time studying and preparing for was the marathon that is having a baby.

A marathon that starts off with no sleep, outside the home, with the need for time to heal and recuperate.

A marathon where, in the place I live, doctors are not keen to be found. Yes, you can seek out help for specific issues, but you don’t have monthly check-ins from an expert like you do when pregnant. You don’t have books and pamphlets handed to you about what to eat or do or what to expect.

It’s hard.

I thought my baby would sleep 12 hours through the night and have 1-3 long naps without me needing to hold her. During that time, I would do what I normally do (whatever that was, months ago). Now, I sit here hurriedly typing my thoughts as a way to journal because I don’t have a free hand to write, pen to paper, anymore. I make the decision to take a rest or read my book while I’m holding my sleeping baby.

My freedoms were so blissfully unaware of their demise.

To be clear: I love being a mother, I just wish I hadn’t social-media’d away all of my pregnancy to a moment in time when I would have to rely on medical professionals anyway and instead spent it preparing to be the mum I wanted to be.

r.1 ↓

[nerdzzone]

-More Hearts Than Mine-

Summary: Raising a child is hard. Raising a child with one of Hollywood’s biggest stars is even harder. And raising a child with one of Hollywood’s biggest stars who you’re not actually in a relationship with is even harder still.

Especially when a global pandemic is sweeping the world.

With lockdowns and stay at home orders looming on the horizon, the uncertainty of their situation becomes almost too much for Whitney Taylor to handle. Chris suggests that they quarantine together to avoid any potential separations but, given what happened the last time they spent more than a few brief moments in each other’s company, that could cause more problems than it solves…

Chris Evans x OFC

Sequel to: Once Bitten - Twice Shy

Note: Again, just a reminder that all the information I have about covid restrictions in Massachusetts is from google, not first hand experience, so if something seems wrong please just go with it.

Part Three

______

Part Four

If avoiding difficult conversations was an Olympic sport then it's pretty safe to say that I would have earned myself a gold medal by the end of the following week. It wasn't all that hard to do though as the exhaustion from parenting during a pandemic was hitting us both. Especially because the weather for the first couple of weeks of April was abysmal. It was cold, stormy and raining almost every day and we were all getting quite stir crazy from being inside constantly - especially our lively and spirited child.

So, it was a massive relief when the sun finally came out.

It was also a relief that it lined up with Grayson's third birthday.

He was going to have a very different birthday than previous years - as most people would over the next few months - but we wanted him to have fun and he was quickly tiring of all the indoor activities that we could come up with.

We set the living room up the night before after he'd gone to bed, putting up a birthday banner with several clusters of balloons, and there was quite the mountain of presents in the corner as most of our family members had sent their gifts in advance. I had hoped to wake up before him, but when I woke up to excited cheers and Dodger barking from downstairs, I knew I was too late. A quick glance at my phone told me that it was only six thirty, but clearly the excitement had gotten him up earlier than normal.

"Whoa, Dodger, Grayson, shhhh," I heard Chris warn the pair of them, his voice still raspy from sleep. "You'll wake up the whole neighbourhood."

I smiled and quickly climbed out of bed. Chris wouldn't let him open any presents without me, I knew that, but I didn't want to keep him waiting for too long.

When I got downstairs, a very excited Grayson was bouncing on the couch as Chris sat next to him, watching him closely with a smile on his face.

"Happy birthday!" I cheered, catching his attention.

He sprang off the couch and bolted towards me.

"Thanks, Mama," He shouted, throwing his arms around my legs and looking up at me. "I'm three!"

"You are!" I smiled as I knelt down in front of him and pulled him into a hug. "You're such a big boy now."

He let me squeeze him for another moment or two before wiggling free.

"Can I open presents?"

Chris laughed at his clear priorities, shaking his head as I stood up.

"Let's just wait for Uncle Scott," he suggested before glancing up at me. "He's putting the coffee on."

"Very smart," I nodded. "I think we're all going to need plenty of that today."

Grayson proved my point by grabbing at his balloons and waving them frantically, setting Dodger off barking again.

"Dodge!" Chris scolded. "It's just a balloon, buddy. Chill."

The poor overwhelmed dog hung his head and came over to me for some sympathy. I happily obliged, cooing some comforting words and rubbing his back.

"Gray, leave the balloons, okay?" I requested. "I don't think Dodger likes them."

Grayson frowned, but instantly let go of the balloon in his hand.

"Sorry, Dodger."

"It sounds like we have quite the party in here already," Scott commented as he sauntered into the room. "Shall we see what's in some of these boxes?"

"Yes! Yes!" Grayson cheered, running over to the presents. "What first?"

"Whatever you want," I told him, smiling as I went to sit on the couch next to Chris. "Do you need some help?"

"No, I can do it!" He insisted, making a bee line for the biggest box and quickly ripping the paper off.

We watched as he opened gift after gift, an ear to ear grin on his face the whole time. Just as he was at Christmas, he was incredibly grateful for every present from the Paw Patrol Lookout Tower that was almost as tall as he was to the dinosaur books that were more educational than flashy and fun.

But there was one gift at the bottom of the pile that Chris wasn't particularly impressed by. The one that my brother had sent.

Grayson opened it, pulling out a t-shirt first.

"What does it say?" He asked, holding up the shirt towards us.

Chris' jaw dropped as I stifled my giggles and Scott burst out laughing.

"It says 'Team Iron Man'," I read. "Remember how Uncle Rob was in a movie with Daddy where they had a big fight? Iron Man was Uncle Rob's character and I think Uncle Jack wants you to be on that team."

"Oh," Grayson smiled. "Okay!"

"Okay?!" Chris protested. "You don't want to be on my team?"

Grayson shrugged as he pulled something else out of the box from my brother.

"Look!" He shouted, his excitement clear as he held up a very fancy electronic Iron Man helmet. "I love it!"

I wasn't even sure that he knew what it was as he hadn't seen any of the movies yet, but his enthusiasm compared to Chris' displeasure was killing Scott and I.

"Oh, it's such a shame that your brother wasted his money," Chris said, his words dripping with sarcasm as he had a forced look of pity on his face. "Those things are expensive and Grayson is never going to wear it."

"I'll wear it!"

Grayson's insistence was followed by him putting the helmet on his head and another howl of laughter came from Scott as a look of betrayal crossed Chris' face.

"Your brother is a jerk."

His words were quiet so Grayson wouldn't hear and I smiled.

"What can I say?" I shrugged. "We're an Iron Man family..."

Chris shot me a glare, but turned his attention back to Gray.

"Well, if you don't want to be on my team then I guess I'll just have to find someone else to have the last present that I got for you..."

Chris was teasing, but Grayson whipped off the helmet faster than we could blink. He looked around, a puzzled expression on his face when he couldn't see anymore boxes on the floor and I shared his confusion as I wasn't aware of anymore gifts either. But the Evans brothers exchanged a knowing glance and I knew they were up to something.

"Maybe Miles would like it," Scott suggested. "He loves Captain America."

"Me too!" Grayson insisted, tossing the helmet aside as if it hadn't been his new prized possession moments ago. "He's my favourite!"

"Oh, is he now?" Chris laughed. "Doesn't take much to make you change your mind, does it?"

Grayson shook his head, oblivious to the fact that he was being teased, but Chris didn't torture him for too long.

"Alright, do you want to see what it is?"

"Yes, I do!"

Grayson leapt up, bouncing up and down with excitement, making Chris laugh as he stood up from the couch.

"C'mon then," he told Grayson, nodding his head towards the door. "It's this way."

Grayson scurried after his dad and I followed, my own curiosity piqued as well.

"What is it?" I asked Scott, but he just shot me a smirk.

"You'll see in a second."

I narrowed my eyes at his secrets and paused at the front door where Chris was waiting for us, his hand on the door knob as Grayson practically vibrated with excitement.

"Okay, close your eyes," Chris instructed. "No peeking!"

"I won't, I won't!"

Grayson covered his eyes as an extra assurance and Chris' grin widened even more as he swung open the door. I put my hands on Grayson's shoulders and guided him through it, seeing a shiny blue bike with a big bow on the handlebars. I felt a flash of worry at all the potential ways for Grayson to get hurt riding it, but there was no time to dwell on that as Chris told him to open his eyes and he gasped with excitement.

"A bike!" He squealed with joy, leaping off the doorstep and running towards it.

He circled it for a moment as if he was really trying to take it all in while I looked up at Chris.

"There better be a helmet with this present," I warned him. "I'm already imagining broken bones and missing teeth."

"He'll be fine," Chris assured me with a chuckle. "It has training wheels, but of course I got him a helmet."

I opened my mouth, ready to share some more potential disasters that could come from this - because even with training wheels he could still fall off or lose control and crash into a tree - but Grayson cut me off.

"Help me, Daddy! Help me!"

He was trying to climb onto the seat, but as I took in the sight of him barefoot in his pyjamas standing in the driveway, I stopped Chris as he moved towards him.

"Wait, why don't we have breakfast first?" I suggested. "We have all day to play on your bike, but you're not dressed or even wearing shoes..."

Grayson's face fell and I felt bad being the mean parent, but Chris nodded in agreement.

"Your Ma's right, Gray," he told him. "Let's go get ready and then we can come right back outside, okay?"

Grayson looked sulky, but reluctantly agreed as he walked back over to us.

"Hey now," Scott said, catching his attention. "No pouting on your birthday! We've got some chocolate chip pancakes to make! Unless that sad face means you don't want them anymore?"

His previous smile slid instantly back onto his face at the promise of such a sugary breakfast and the pep returned to his step as he grabbed Scott's hand before dragging him into the house.

-

I had no evidence to prove my theory, but by the time breakfast was over, I was almost certain that it would have been more relaxing to be in the middle of a hurricane. There was pancake batter all over the room and we practically had to pin Grayson to his chair to stop him from sprinting around the room with food in his mouth. It was a miracle that he got through the meal without choking.

It was impossible to be mad though when he was having such a good time. He'd had so much to adjust to lately, seeing him happy on his birthday was all that I wanted and I was willing to put up with a little more chaos than normal if it made that happen. Within reason, of course. I did stop him when he suggested that we put the entire bag of chocolate chips in the pancake batter and I did make him help me clean them up when he dumped them on the floor in protest of my ridiculous restrictions.

Once the breakfast circus was over, Chris whisked him off to get him ready to play outside while I helped Scott clean up the kitchen before going upstairs to shower and get ready myself.

When I came back down almost an hour later, I felt considerably less frazzled, but the sound of excited squeals and giggles echoing from outside told me the energy levels hadn't died down much. It really was a relief that he was having such a nice day though so I braced myself for more chaos and headed out to find them.

The sight that greeted me melted my heart completely.

Chris was running backwards across the driveway as Grayson rode towards him. He shouted encouragement the entire time, reminding him to keep pedaling and to look where he was going and cheering as Grayson rode past him before turning around and circling back.

"Look, Mama!" He shouted to me as he spotted me by the door. "I'm doing it!"

"You are, baby!" I smiled. "Good job!"

I sat on the doorstep and watched him ride in circles, proud of how fast he'd figured it out, but after a few moments, my attention turned to Chris.

There were few times since I'd known him when I'd seen him look as happy as he did in that moment. When Grayson was born, when he took his first steps and when he first said 'Dada' were probably the only comparable moments I could think of. He looked absolutely gleeful as he chased after Grayson, laughing as he passed him before dodging a different way and waiting for Gray to catch up before bolting off again. The sound of their giggles and shouts filled my heart so much that it genuinely felt like it was about to burst out of my chest and a feeling of contentedness hit me so hard that it almost knocked over.

It was a feeling that told me that they were all I ever needed. Those two boys, making each other dizzy as they ran in circles. Their happiness and love was all I could ever hope to have and moments like these were all I ever wanted to see. I wanted us to spend every weekend soaking in this kind of joy. I didn't want to fight and argue and transport Grayson back and forth every other week. I wanted to give Grayson what he deserved, I wanted us to be a family.

But as fast as that clarity hit me, the knots in my stomach were there to remind me that it wasn't just about what I wanted. It wasn't about what would bring us the most moments of delight, it was about what would provide Grayson with the most stability and being a family might do more harm to that goal than good.

It was a constant battle between my heart and my head, but I was starting to realize that my head was losing. I was clinging to my resistance with all I had, but it was slipping away. I knew I needed to talk to Chris, to sort out the fog in my brain, but for the time being, I pushed it out of my mind. This was Grayson's day and we didn't have time for anymore heart-wrenching conversations.

I was snapped out of my thoughts as Scott appeared from the side of the house on roller blades and the unexpected sight pulled a laugh from my lips as he sailed past Chris and Grayson and headed down the driveway.

"Gray, follow me!"

Gray nodded, frantically pedaling to catch up with his uncle as they sped off down the long drive. Chris watched them for a minute before jogging over to me.

"He got it so fast," he puffed as he fought to catch his breath. "He's a natural."

"The training wheels help," I pointed out, shielding my eyes from the sun as I looked up at him. "But it's fine because he'll be keeping those on until he's at least eighteen."

Chris barked out a laugh, shaking his head.

"No way," he smirked. "We'll have them off by next week."

"Not a chance. I need at least six months to get used to that idea."

"How about we meet in the middle and aim for three?"

"Hmm, maybe," I bit back a smile. "We'll have to see how many injuries he gets with the training wheels on first."

"He'll be fine. He's a champ," Chris grinned proudly. "We've got a pretty great kid."

"We do," I patted the step next to me as I made room for Chris to sit down. "I can't believe he's already three."

Chris accepted my silent invitation and sat down next to me.

"I know," he sighed. "It feels like just yesterday that he was born..."

"He was so tiny," I reminisced. "And you had those huge Captain America muscles."

Chris laughed as he nodded at the memory.

"I was so scared to hold him in case I accidentally crushed him."

"I was so scared of everything," I admitted. "It wasn't until he was actually born that it really hit me that we were completely responsible for his well-being and keeping him alive."

"We've done well with that though!"

"We have," I agreed with a smile. "He's alive and thriving."

"We make a good team."

He flashed me a warm smile that made my heart beat stutter and it almost stopped completely when he stretched out a hand and placed it on mine. His touch was gentle and the warmth of his skin flooded through me even more than the sun streaming down on us. It was a simple gesture, but it eased the heaviness that had been hovering between us lately and I was grateful. I carefully flipped my hand over so our palms pressed together and let our fingers interlace. His smile widened as he looked back out at the driveway, his eyes settling on Grayson in the distance who was laughing at something Scott said.

"Thank you," Chris sighed, his voice quiet and filled with genuine appreciation. "I don't think I've ever said it, but thank you for making me a dad."

His words almost brought tears to my eyes, but I shook my head.

"Chris, you don't need to than-"

"I do," he insisted, cutting me off. "He's the best thing that ever happened to me and he wouldn't be here without you."

"I could say the same," I pointed out, trying to ignore the way his thumb was stroking the back of my hand. "He gets most of his good traits from you too. His kind heart, his sensitive little soul, his loyalty."

"His infuriating stubbornness."

"He gets that from both of us," I smiled. "He didn't stand a chance with that one."

"Well, I hope he gets some of your selflessness," Chris informed me, glancing over and looking a tad sheepish. "Because, as much as I disagree with it and I wish you'd be a little selfish, I get that you're trying to look out for him."

I felt my palms start to sweat and I wondered if he could feel it. I resisted the urge to snatch my hand away from his, trying to play it cooler than I felt. He was watching me closely as I mulled over his words until I found the strength to speak.

"I'm not so sure that it's just him that I'm trying to look out for," I admitted, exhaling a breath that I didn't realize I was holding.  "I do think we have more to talk about, Chris, but I don't think this is the right time."

"You're right," he nodded. "I just felt like I owed you an apology after the other night. I let my feelings get the best of me and I came across a little harsh."

I was about to reassure him that he hadn't when the sound of honking interrupted our conversation. Our attention was pulled to the end of the driveway where two cars - belonging to Chris' mom and his sister - were pulling in as Scott moved Grayson and Dodger off to the side to let them past.

"Did you know they were coming?" I asked, surprised by the little motorcade.

"Nah, I had no idea," Chris shrugged. "We'll stay outside though, keep our distance."

I wasn't worried about that really, I knew all of Chris' family were staying very isolated and being smart about staying safe and we were technically allowed to have outdoor gatherings of up to ten people anyway with the current rules in place. I was surprised to see them though as we'd warned Grayson that he would only get to see most of his family over FaceTime. His excitement at that being untrue was clear as he frantically pedaled back up the driveway to greet his guests.

"Mama! Daddy! Look!"

I let Chris' hand fall away from mine as we stood, smiling at Grayson's excitement as everyone started getting out of their cars. They burst into a rousing chorus of 'Happy Birthday' making Gray's grin grow even more.

"Happy birthday, Grayson!" Lisa beamed as Grayson ran towards her full speed. He threw his arms around her legs before we could even remind him to keep his distance, but Lisa seemed unbothered by it. "Have you had a good day so far?"

"Yes!" Gray smiled up at her. "I got a bike!"

"I saw that!" Lisa matched his enthusiasm. "You're a lucky boy!"

Grayson shot her another smile before turning his attention to his cousins.

"Wanna try?"

His older cousins were probably too big, but Stella's hand shot up first and beat them to it anyway.

"That's really nice of you to share," I called over to Grayson. "But share your helmet too, okay?"

He nodded and struggled with the clip for a few minutes before Lisa helped him take it off and placed it on her granddaughter's head.

Once they were all happy, chasing Stella and Dodger around the drive way, the adults moved over towards us. Lisa was the first to speak, a guilty look on her face.

"I hope you don't mind us just showing up like this, but we couldn't stay away on his birthday..."

"It's great!" Chris assured her. "Don't worry about it."

"And Grayson seems thrilled," I added. "It's nice for him to have other kids to run around with for a bit."

We all turned to watch them as they played until Carly let out a laugh.

"Are Grayson's shoes on the wrong feet?"

I hadn't even noticed, but I laughed as well when I realized that she was right.

"Some days just getting him in shoes at all is a victory," Chris defended himself. "And today was one of those days."

"He's like the energizer bunny this morning," Scott joked. "I can't imagine what he'll be like after we get some cake into him."

"Just think how well he'll sleep tonight," Carly pointed out. "He has to crash eventually."

"I hope so," Chris smiled. "He had me up at six o'clock this morning, I need an early night."

That earned a laugh from the group as his siblings teased him about being such an old man, but I felt a pang of sympathy for him, knowing that he'd been up early with Grayson a lot lately. Maybe it was because we were at his house so it was what Gray was used to, but Chris was definitely the favourite for the early morning wake up call.

We stood in our little circle for a while, just catching up as we watched the kids, all of us enjoying conversation with someone other than the people we were locked up with twenty-four hours a day. It was nice for me to have some female company as well even though Lisa was very pleased to hear that her boys were pulling their weight around the house and not just treating me like some kind of live-in maid.

It didn't take long for the kids to get tired of sharing the bike, especially the older boys who were too big for it anyway, and soon they were swarming around us demanding that we all play a game. After being cooped up for so long, it didn't seem like a bad idea to get us all moving around a little so we agreed and set about the daunting task of finding something everyone was willing to play.

Eventually, we settled on capture the flag - girls against boys. Lisa decided she'd make a better referee than a player so the boys team had one extra member, but they had three children to our one so it hardly seemed like the extra person would cause any unbalance. 

The rules of the game were simple: each team had three flags in our 'end zone' at opposite ends of the large grassy part of Chris' yard and the other team had to try to steal those flags. We had to grab it and run it all the way back to our own end zone to score a point, but once it was safely 'captured' it couldn't be stolen back. If someone managed to snatch a flag, but was tagged on their way back to their end zone then they had to give the flag back.

Lisa was very firm in reminding her children that tackling was not allowed as the Evans siblings were fiercely competitive and it had apparently led to trouble over the years. Once the rules were all set, we took our places and started the game.

The teams were fairly evenly matched. The boys had more strength, but we had more agility and were much better at communicating and working together which led to us easily scoring the first point. While Stella distracted Scott, Carly snuck past him to snatch the flag and she tossed it to Shanna who faked a pass to Stella before throwing it to me to get it to the safe zone. It was a beautifully executed play that showed the boys we weren't messing around.

"Oh, it's on now," Chris called out as he sprinted past me.

Shanna bolted after him, but he managed to grab the flag and throw it to Ethan before she caught up. With all the other boys guarding him, he made it all the way back to their end zone without getting tagged.

"I think having a super soldier on your team is an unfair advantage ," Carly huffed, but Chris shook his head with a smirk.

"Nah, because we have Scott too so it balances out."

"Hey!" Scott protested. "I'll switch teams if you're going to be rude!"

Stella jumped for joy at that idea, pleading with him to come onto our side, but the rest of the boys voiced their protests and he decided that, as long as there was no more hurtful comments, he would stick to his team for now. I used their bickering as a distraction though as I snuck closer towards their unguarded flags. I managed to grab one before Scott noticed and called out a warning to the rest of his team, but when I took off running and Grayson charged towards me, I didn't have the heart to out run him on his special day. I slowed down enough that he wouldn't realize I was letting him win and groaned dramatically as he tagged me, making me give up the flag.

"I did it!" He cheered. "Daddy! Did you see? I did it!"

Stella had a disappointed scowl on her face, but everyone else was understanding as they watched Chris scoop him up onto his shoulders, chanting his name as if he'd just won the World Cup while he carried him back to replace the flag.

Their celebration was short-lived though as we managed to steal the flag again almost as soon as Chris and Grayson were far enough away from it. After another perfectly executed play, the score was sitting at 2-1 for us. The pressure was on after that as we only needed one more point to win, it ramped up the competitive spirit.

We were off to a great start in the next round. Shanna got the flag quickly, but Scott had her cornered almost immediately so she tossed it to me. I got about ten steps before Chris was on my heels and I was forced to throw it over to Carly. Chris turned and went to chase after her instead and without even thinking, I leapt on his back to stop him.

"Hey!" He protested, slowing to a stop despite how he was clearly unaffected by my weight. "Is anyone seeing this? This has got to be a foul! She tackled me!"

"I did not tackle you!" I insisted, clinging to his shoulders with my legs wrapped around his waist. "If it was a tackle, you'd be on the ground."

Chris wiggled around, trying to throw me off his back as Carly sauntered into our end zone with the flag.

"The only reason I'm not on the ground is because you're too weak," Chris argued before shouting to his mom. "That doesn't count!

"No, Mama," Grayson joined in, running over to us looking very disapproving. "No cheating!"

I laughed, but slid down from Chris' back.

"Sorry, I'm sorry!" I held my hands up as I apologized. "I can't outrun Captain America, I had no choice!"

"Well, now you lost the point," Chris teased me, shoving me playfully and making me stumble a step away from him. "So, lets keep it fair and stop trying to cheat."

I swatted back at him as I stuck out my tongue while Lisa made the official call that the point didn't count and Scott took the recently captured flag back to the boy's end zone.

Chris had a new twinkle in his eye as the next round started. He hadn't let me get very far away from him and I quickly realized that I'd made a mistake by antagonizing him. I would be useless to my team if he was on my tail the whole time, but he was a tank and incredibly fast so getting away from him was next to impossible. I watched helplessly as Scott and Miles easily took our flag and dashed it back to their end zone to tie the score.

"Chris!" I whined as I tried to get around him like I was a cornered puppy, trying not to get caught. "Get away from me, you big oaf!"

"Oh, wow," Chris chuckled. "Let's not start calling names and being mean."

I tried to dart past him again, but groaned as he blocked my path.

"You're infuriating!"

"It's all part of the game."

The smirk on Chris' face had my competitive side firing up as I could see behind him that Miles had snatched our last flag. Stella was hot on his heels though, so he had no choice, but to pass to Grayson who was coming our way. Was I going to stop my three year old son from scoring the game winning point on his birthday? Probably not. But I had to at least make my attempt genuine so I came up with a plan.

"Is that..." I squinted off into the distance on the other side of the yard. "Is that Dodger chasing a cat?"

My Oscar worthy performance had Chris spinning around to check out what I saw and it gave me enough time to bolt away towards Grayson who wasn't far away from winning the game for his team. I made it an impressive five steps before Chris figured out what I'd done and came after me. Grayson saw what was happening and dodged to the left so I followed, but my change of direction gave Chris an opportunity. The next thing I knew, I felt a crash against my hips before I was lifted from the ground and found myself dangling over Chris' shoulder.

I let out a squeal of surprise as I kicked my legs, trying to get down, but Chris had a tight grip on me and there was no getting away. The ease with which he threw me around wasn't at all distracting and there wasn't a single part of me that was revelling in his strength. Not at all.

"This is absolutely a tackle!" I protested, focusing my mind back onto my predicament. "Put me down!"

"If this was a tackle, you'd be on the ground," he mocked me. "This is payback."

I had a nice view, my head only inches above 'America's ass' so, swept up in the moment of playfulness between us, I reached down and gave it a smack. He yelped and jumped, shaking me as he did.

"Chris! Put me down!"

My demands were weakened by the giggles that I couldn't hold back, but thankfully Scott stepped in to help me regain some dignity.

"Alright, you two," he called over. "Can we get back to the game now or would you like us all to give you some time alone?"

A blush covered my cheeks as I remembered that his entire family was around us and was relieved when he lowered me to the ground.

"Games over," Chris called back. "Grayson scored!"

Grayson jumped up and down happily, but Stella had a scowl on her face.

"Nuh uh! When Whitney tackled you, it didn't count!" She pointed out. "Grayson's point doesn't count too!"

The joy on Grayson's face fell into a look of anger as he stomped his foot at his cousin’s claim.

"It does!" He insisted. "I did it!"

"Now look what you've done," I playfully scolded Chris quietly before shouting to the rest of the group. "I think we're going to have to let them have the point, ladies. I wouldn't have been able to catch up to Grayson even if Chris didn't cheat..."

Stella's jaw dropped in clear shock that I hadn't supported her protests, but to stop the war before it could start, Chris chimed in.

"Grayson didn't need my help to score that point, I shouldn't have interfered," he started. "But why don't we call it a game and go have some cake?!"

The promise of sugar seemed to quash any animosity between the teams as all the kids let out a shriek of approval at that suggestion and took off running back to the house.

"Oh, yes," Carly sighed. "Because what my children clearly need right now is more energy..."

"It's Gray's birthday," Chris shrugged with a smile as we all followed the children at a much more reasonable pace. "We have to have cake!"

"And if it wasn't his birthday then I wouldn't have let you win."

My taunting earned a bark of laughter from Chris.

"Let us win? Yeah, sure, okay. You just keep telling yourself that you're faster and stronger than me," he teased. "Whatever makes you feel better."

I shoved him, but he was braced for it and I ended up more affected by the impact than him which proved his point, putting a smirk on his face.

"Asshole," I muttered as I shook my head, but I couldn't hold back a smile at how nice our affectionate teasing felt.

-

By the end of the day, we were all exhausted. It had been a fun and very special day for Grayson so we were thrilled for him, but exhausted nonetheless. Gray fought his bedtime with all the will power he had, eager for the day to go on just a little bit longer, but we won out in the end and he made it to bed on time. Scott had gone to his own room while we were fighting with him and Chris and I parted ways shortly after to get some much needed quiet time of our own.

I found myself distracted though, when I was finally alone, as the importance of the day had me feeling sentimental. Watching Grayson grow up and hit these milestones was a joy, but it left me feeling a bit reminiscent of the years gone by. Years when he was even smaller than he was now, just starting to figure out the world and how to speak, walk and be a part of it. The time was really flying by and as I began to scroll through old videos of his first year of life, the nostalgia was almost too much to bear.

Eventually, I stumbled on a video that had distinct parallels of today.

It was a video of Grayson's first birthday when we'd given him his own little cake and let him go to town on it. Of course, as many babies do, he'd stared at it for a moment before smashing his face directly into it. It was adorable and tugged on my heart strings considering how comparatively neat his cake consumption was earlier that day. He'd grown so much in such a short time and I felt compelled to share my discovery with Chris so I dragged myself out of bed and crept down to his room.

There was a fluttering of nerves in my stomach as I knocked on his bedroom door, the feeling only growing as he called out an invitation to come inside. I did as he'd asked and let myself in, finding him leaning back against the headboard of his bed - wearing nothing but his pajama pants - with his own phone in his hand.

"Hey," he smiled. "What's up?"

"I found a video," I told him, standing awkwardly near the foot of his bed. "I was feeling a little sad about how fast Gray is growing up so I was looking back, watching old videos and I found one that I thought you might like to see."

Chris’ smile widened and he eagerly patted the bed next to him, encouraging me to sit. I took him up on his offer and settled in as I unlocked my phone and started the video.

"He was so little..."

Chris' observation came as the camera settled on Gray where he sat in his high chair. Chris was right next to him, a grin on his face as he chatted happily to our son despite the nonsense babble that he got in response. I appeared on the screen after a few moments, carrying a tiny cake as everyone started to sing Happy Birthday. Grayson had a look of confusion on his face as he looked around at the crowd, but his eyes widened when the cake was placed in front of him.

"Go on, Gray," I prompted once the singing had stopped. "You can taste it."

He needed no more encouragement and simply face planted right into it, popping up a moment later with blue icing from the tops of his eyebrows to the bottom of his chin. He had a huge, cheeky grin on his face as he looked at us and, just as he did in the video, Chris laughed next to me.

"Oh, man, it kills you, doesn't it?" He questioned before clarifying. "How cute he is."

I hadn't realized that Chris' arm had found its way behind me when he leaned in to watch until I felt his breath on my hair as he spoke and I couldn't resist leaning back, tucking myself under his shoulder. The whole day, the knowledge that my baby was growing up, had me needing some comfort. It was exciting, to see him learn and shift from a baby to a little person, but at the same time, I felt the overwhelming urge for time to stop.

"It does," I agreed, letting my phone fall to the bed beside me. "I can't believe how much he's changed since then."

"In some ways," Chris agreed, looking down at me with a smirk. "In others, he's still that goofy, reckless baby."

"If he's anything like you, he'll probably never grow out of being goofy and reckless."

I felt Chris' shoulders shake as he chuckled at my teasing and I was reminded of the last time we'd been cuddled up, in a similar position to this, in his bed. I felt a flood of warmth run through my body at the memory as I was suddenly aware of how close we were, aware of how good he smelt and how strong his hard muscled arm felt as I leaned against it.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"I meant it as one," I assured him. "I like that you're goofy. Your recklessness used to give me anxiety sometimes, when you'd always insist that you just had to do your own stunts on Captain America as if you really thought you were a super soldier, but I like that you're willing to take risks."

"Awe, gee, Whitney," he teased, squeezing me closer against him. "It was nice of you to worry about me."

"Of course I worried," I rolled my eyes. "Your muscles are bigger than your brain sometimes."

"Not anymore..." Chris held up the arm that wasn't currently around me and flexed his muscles, showing off a bicep that was still much larger than most even if it wasn't quite up to the Avengers standard. "I'm out of shape."

Against my own best interest, I turned slightly, letting my hand drift up towards his arm as my head fell against his chest. I traced over the bulging muscle and watched as tiny goosebumps rose up on his skin at the sensation. Skin that felt so soft under my touch and I felt his breath shift as he clearly felt the mood between us change the same way that I did. I felt emboldened by how amorous our emotional day had left me as I let my head tip back to find him looking down at me with the same intensity he had a few months ago.

My breath caught in my throat and I couldn't help myself. Despite every alarm bell going off inside my brain, I stretched up just enough to press my lips against his. For a moment, he relaxed. His shoulders dropped as my fingers curled around the arm they were just stroking, but then suddenly his entire body tensed as if he'd been shocked by a bolt of electricity. He jerked away, sliding out from under me and off the bed before I could even realize what was happening.

"No," he said firmly, pointing his finger at me the same way he did to Dodger when he was being naughty. "No, no, we're not doing this again. Not until we talk about it what's going on here."

I felt the sting of rejection so harshly that it almost brought tears to my eyes, but I knew he was right.

"I'm sorry," I squeaked out, my cheeks burning. "You're right. I shouldn't have done that."

My voice was shaking as I scrambled to stand up, the stunned look on Chris' face only adding to my embarrassment. We stood there, staring at each other with the bed between us, but he didn't speak and after a few moments of silence, my shame was overwhelming, kicking my flight instincts into gear.

"I'll go," I mumbled. "Sorry again."

I didn't wait for a response before darting towards the door, but Chris' voice stopped me before I could make my escape.

"Whitney, stop." He didn't shout, but his tone was firm and demanding enough that I froze on the spot. "We need to talk about this. We can't keep going on with it hanging above our heads."

I turned to face him, discovering that he'd moved closer and was standing by the foot of the bed. He was still a few feet away from me, but close enough that it felt almost suffocating and I bit my lip as I stared at his feet, unable to look him in the eye.

"I don't know what to say..."

"I can take it," he insisted, a hint of resignation in voice as he continued. "You've had plenty of time to think it over since our last conversation and you said earlier today that we needed to talk. If you're gonna turn me down, put whatever this is to bed, just do it now and get it over with."

I furrowed my brow in confusion at his words, my heart beating in my chest so fast that I could hear the blood pumping through my ears.

"Turn you down?" I questioned. "Why do you think I'm going to turn you down? I just kissed you."

"That didn't mean much at Christmas."

He had a very valid point and I felt another pang of guilt at how badly I was treating him. I was hot and cold, affectionate and withdrawn, unwavering in my decision one minute and unsteady the next. I hadn't spared much thought to how cruel that was and now that I'd realized, I couldn't hold back the frustrated groan that fell from my lips.

"I don't know what to do, Chris! I think I know what the right decision is. It's what always felt like the safer choice, but then there are times when that's just..." I paused, taking in a deep breath to work up a dash of courage. "It's not what I want."

Chris watched me closely as if choosing his next words very carefully.

"If the safer choice isn't what you want then it sounds like maybe you need to take a risk. You can't live your life making decisions out of fear."

My eyes narrowed. He was over simplifying the situation. That way of thinking might work if it was just the two of us, but with Gray in the middle, things were more complicated.

"It's not that straight forward."

I shook my head as I spoke, but Chris countered with a nod.

"Sure, it is," he shrugged before asking a question that almost stopped my heart. "Do you love me?"

I stared at him, opening my mouth to speak and then closing it again when the words didn't come. I stood there, gaping at him like some kind of ridiculous puffer fish, until I finally got a word out.

"What?"

A smirk slid onto Chris' face at my floundering as he repeated the question.

"Do you love me?" He asked. "And don't say it doesn't matter or it's not important. Just yes or no."

I stared at him for a moment longer as a war between my head and heart raged inside me. Deny, deny, deny was what my head was screaming, but in the end the quiet reminder of now or never from my heart was what won out.

"Yes, I do," I admitted, proud of my voice for not breaking. "I always have."

There was a grin on Chris' face now, but my stomach churned because it didn't mean anything. As I said, I'd loved him all along and yet here we were, no better off.

"That's all that matters then," he insisted. "We can figure out the rest."

"But what if we can't figure it out?" I protested, crossing my arms as if I could somehow fold into myself and disappear completely. "What if it's nice for a while and then it all comes crashing down around us? What about Gray?"

He shrugged again. His whole demeanour miles away from my own. He seemed confident, hopeful, almost excited while I felt nauseous, terrified and paralyzed by fear.

"But what if it doesn't? What if it all works out nicely? Why are you so convinced that we wouldn't last?"

"Because you're you," I reminded him, my tone flat as I stated the obvious. "Hollywood super star, Chris Evans. And I'm me, a boring nobody. You could have pretty much any famous actress you want, the only person who wants to be with me is the creepy maintenance worker in our apartment building."

Chris looked taken aback as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What? I've never heard about this guy."

"He's just some weird guy who does the repairs," I shrugged. "He comments on my outfits and looks at me in this way that makes my skin crawl, but he's harmless."

"Doesn't sound harmless to me," Chris argued, crossing his arms as a thunderous look settled on his face. "Does he have access to your place?"

"No!" I assured him, but after my quick answer I realized that I wasn't so sure. "Well, I don't know. He might have a spare key, I guess. If most maintenance people do? They have to give me notice before they enter the apartment anyway."

"Unless he's sneaking in to perv on you."

"Chris! That's gross!" I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "Why would you put that thought in my head?!"

"I told you that you should have let me buy you a house," Chris huffed. "You're moving when all this covid shit is over."

"Oh my god," I groaned having flashbacks to our conversation a few weeks ago about him buying me a car. "All of this is so beside the point! We're talking about how you'd get bored of me and leave me heartbroken for some flashy Hollywood babe, remember?"

"Right," Chris nodded, letting his arms fall to his side. "But that's such a ridiculous idea that I thought it was hardly worth acknowledging."

His dismissal of one of my biggest fears sent a flash of anger through me.

"How is it ridiculous?" I snapped. "It's true!"

"You know me, Whitney," Chris sighed. "You know that my team had to practically force me into doing Captain America because I had one foot out the door of the whole acting gig and I hated the way Hollywood made me feel. Do you really think that I would give up a chance at a having family with you, someone who I really care about, for some wild, short-lived fling?"

His tone conveyed his disbelief, but he hadn't quite accurately interpreted what I meant.

"I think you'd regret it," I clarified. "I think that once the initial excitement wore off, you'd see that I'm nothing special and that I don't fit in your world."

Chris was looking at me as if I'd grown an extra head and I crossed my arms a little tighter around myself.

"We were friends long before Grayson came around and I've always thought that you were something special. Where is all this insecurity coming from, Whitney? Because I just don't get it."

I swallowed hard as I bit my lip. I felt incredibly vulnerable and the urge to run away and continue ignoring all my feelings seemed much preferable to standing here and analyzing them all, but I stayed strong. We were both adults and this was the only way to move forward. Whether it ended how Chris wanted or not, he deserved to know how I felt.

"I spent a long time convincing myself that you didn't care about me as anything more than a friend. I told myself that it was an insane idea because we're in two very different leagues so there was no point getting my hopes up. Then that night happened and I thought that maybe I'd been wrong, that it could be the start of a really good thing, but then you were gone by the time I woke up and you never called."

I barely choked out the last few words as I fought back the tears that were swimming in my eyes. An unmistakable look of guilt flashed onto Chris' face and he opened his mouth to comment, perhaps to defend himself, but I held up a hand to stop him. I needed to get it out or I never would.

"Then three weeks later, I found out I was pregnant," I continued. "I assumed from your silence that you didn't want to be with me and I knew that we were good together as friends so I kept my feelings to myself and spent the last three and a half years beating myself up for thinking for even one second that you would want to be with me."

"I did want to be with you..."

Chris was looking at me with those puppy dog eyes that he'd mastered and I sniffled as a tear slipped down my cheek.

"I know that now, but I can't just turn those thoughts off."

Chris sighed and rubbed his hands over his face before holding out his arms.

"C'mere."

I shook my head, wiping my tears as I worried that I'd fall apart completely if I stepped into his arms, but when he persisted and gestured me over again, I couldn't resist. I took the few steps needed to close the space between us and let my arms slide around his waist. He hugged me close to his body, burying his face in my hair as pressed mine into his muscled chest. We stayed like that for a few moments until Chris broke the silence.

"I'm sorry. I was an idiot," he apologized, his words muffled by my hair. "I should have fought for you. At the very least, I should have stayed until you woke up and I should have called, but I was scared too."

I felt more tears fill my eyes as I choked out a soft "I know".

Another silence fell between us before Chris spoke again, his words making my heart almost stop completely.

"I was going to propose." I pulled back at that confession, my eyes wide as I looked up at him unable to process his words fast enough to speak before he continued. "I called my mom up as soon as you told me you were pregnant. I wanted her to help me pick out a ring, but she talked me out of it. Said you'd think I was doing it for all the wrong reasons."

My heart fluttered back to life at the sincerity in his admission, but I nodded my head.

"Your mom is a smart lady," I told him. "I absolutely would have thought you were only doing it because you felt you had to."

"It wasn't out of obligation though," he insisted. "Maybe I was getting a bit ahead of myself leaping straight to marriage, but I cared about you. It was an opportunity to make it official, make that commitment and be a family. That's what I wanted."

I stayed quiet, resting my head back against his chest as I tried to take in all this new information. It was a lot to process especially when it directly contradicted the belief I had clung to for so long - that Chris and I would never work and for Grayson's sake we were better off apart. That assumption was so deeply embedded in my brain that it was hard to find the courage to take such a risk.

As if Chris could sense my lingering indecision, he continued.

"It's still what I want," he said softly. "Being here these last few weeks with you and Grayson as a family has been a dream come true. I wouldn't give it up for anything or do anything to jeopardize it if you'd just give me a shot."

The word 'okay' was so close to the tip of my tongue that it shocked me.

That was all I had to do, just open my mouth and agree and he would be mine.

My heart was pleading with me to do it, to take that leap and ignore any of the arguments against it that were running through my mind - especially now that those arguments seemed much less sound than they had a few short weeks ago. I was so conflicted that it almost physically pained me to have to make a decision and I couldn't help, but wonder how he could be so certain.

So, I leaned back and tilted my head so my eyes could meet his.

"How can you be so sure?" I questioned. "After how things have been these last few years, how can you be so confident in your feelings?"

"Because I love you," he told me plainly and with unwavering surety. "If you tell me right now that it's not what you want, then I'll accept your decision. But if there's a hint of a chance, then I'll wait as long as I need to. I've been waiting for years, thinking that I didn't even have a shot, I think I can wait a little longer now that I know that I might."

It was another heart wrenchingly honest explanation, another vulnerable admission, and something in the openness with which he spoke made me realize that over the last three years he had done nothing to earn any distrust from me. Even after the fallout from Christmas, he'd put his hurt feelings and pride aside to make things easier for me. He'd been sincere during every discussion we'd had since then and hadn't been cruel or impatient about my indecision. I had no reason at all, other than my own fear and insecurities, to assume that he was going to break my heart and tear apart our family.

He deserved a little bit of trust from me as well and a clarity washed over me as I finally knew what I had to do.

There were words I could have said, probably should have said, but I didn't feel like there was anything that would accurately portray how I was feeling. I settled for a more direct approach as I pressed up onto my toes and let my lips fall against his.

He tensed at first and for a brief, heart stopping moment, I thought he might push me away again, but he didn't. He relaxed, pulling me closer as my hands slid to cup his neck.

It was a soft kiss. A gentle, loving kiss, that I hoped conveyed what I couldn't figure out how to say. But when our lips parted and he leaned down to rest his forehead on mine, there was a concern in his eyes that told me I wasn't going to get away with it that easily.

"What does that mean?"

I bit my lip, staring up past his long eyelashes into his eyes. There was still a tiny voice in my head telling me to run, to stop being so foolish and leave now before I made a mistake, but my heart had found its footing now and wasn't going to back down. Listening to my head all this time hadn't made things any easier, so it was time to try something else.

"It means," I started, taking in a shaky breath. "I don't want to keep you waiting anymore."

Chris let out a breath of relief as a tentative smile slid onto his face.

"Really? You're sure?"

I swallowed hard and nodded my head.

"Yes," I breathed out, my voice thick with all the emotions swirling through me.

He dipped his head a touch lower until our lips were reconnected. It was a deeper kiss, more desperate than the first as his tongue slid against mine and his grip tightened on my waist, my nails scraping against the fuzz of his recently cut hair. I caved into him, clinging to him like he was a lifeboat in a storm until he pulled back to take a breath.

My chest heaved against his, the adrenaline of his touch and what this finally meant, almost too much to handle. I settled back down, flat on my feet and nuzzled my face back into his chest as I fought to calm my racing mind and just enjoy the moment.

"You really mean it?" Chris asked again, the shakiness of his voice filling me with another pang of guilt. "You really want to give this a try?"

"I mean it," I nodded against him. "Doesn't mean my concerns have all vanished in the last five minutes, but I...I think I need to trust you."

"I won't let you down," he murmured into my hair as he pulled me even closer. Another silence fell between us until I broke it with an embarrassingly large yawn and Chris' chest shook as he chuckled. "Do you wanna sleep down here tonight?"

As soon as he'd asked the question, it suddenly hit me how exhausted I was. Even just the thought of walking upstairs seemed like an impossible task when there was such an inviting, comfortable bed only steps away from where I stood. But a thought popped into my head that I couldn't ignore and I turned my head slightly so I wasn't speaking directly into Chris' muscles.

"What about Gray?" I asked. "He always comes to you in the morning..."

"Would it matter?"

His tone wasn't accusing or annoyed, but genuinely curious as sharing a child did add a strange new element to all this. I didn't really know what the best way to handle it was since Grayson didn't really understand our relationship or know how a typical family was set up anyway, but it didn't seem like the best way to introduce him to the idea.

"I think we should talk to him about it instead of just letting him stumble on us in bed together," I suggested. "But I think maybe we should wait a while?"

Chris' face fell as the look of worry returned.

"You want to keep this a secret?"

"I didn't mean it like that," I shook my head. "You can tell whoever you want, but I think we should figure things out, make sure things are stable between us before we try to explain it to Gray."

"Alright, that's fair," Chris agreed before leaning down to place another soft kiss on my lips. "I'll wake you up before he comes down."

"Okay," I nodded as I let my thumb stroke his cheek.

We reluctantly slipped out of each other's arms, but it was a brief separation as we climbed into opposite sides of the bed. Once we'd turned the lights off, we met in the middle and he pulled me back against his chest, letting me hook my leg over his hip as we settled against each other.

Chris ran a hand up and down my spine as he nuzzled in my hair.

"This feels nice..."

"It does," I hummed. With the darkness around us, the quiet that had settled in, I felt encouraged to say something that I'd felt I should have said long ago. "I'm sorry, Chris."

I felt him tense.

"For what?"

"For messing you around so much," I admitted. "Especially at Christmas...that wasn't cool."

"If I had expectations, I should have laid them out before anything happened." His answer sounded rehearsed, as if he'd spent a long time convincing himself of that fact. I wasn't entirely sure it was a fair statement, but he continued before I could question it. "I can understand where you were coming from, but I promise I won't hurt you."

I felt a pang of uncertainty because that wasn't always a promise that could be kept, but the sincerity in his voice gave me hope. I placed a soft kiss against his chest as his hands slid up under the loose shorts I was wearing to cup my bum.

"I love you," I mumbled against his skin.

"I love you too," he replied, making a feeling of warmth flood through me. "Thank you for giving me a chance."

I sighed happily as my exhaustion had my eyes fluttering shut. I wanted to stay awake, to keep this moment before the brightness of the morning could bring any doubts or second guesses, but I was powerless to resist as sleep overtook me.

-

Part Five

Tags:  @maggotzombie @moonlacebeam @mizzzpink @zaylaugh @flowery-mess @flowerjewels @njrronaldo7 @hockeychick10

[luvlyrv]

A Promise Under the Stars | Irene x F!Reader

Genre: fluff, idol au-ish but not really(?), romance is not extremely explicit

Summary: When you get to meet Joohyun again, you think back about a promise you two made long ago.

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Whew. First Irene writing that I’m posting as a stand-alone rather than a part of a series. Also can I say thank you for two of my posts reaching 100 notes within the same week? My very first fic, ‘Second Place’ and ‘Troublemaker’ seem to be very popular, thank you so much fhksadjhfk,

Date: 2/19/21

You collapse on the ground, all your energy expended during several hours of practice. Lying down you can feel the wooden floor under you, your heart pounding as loud as your breathing. As much as you physically feel pain, there was a greater pain building in your heart and mind. Will you ever make it? You've been waiting so long now, how much longer?

With nobody around tears threaten to emerge from your eyes, but the moment is lost when you hear a soft creak. Quickly, you compose yourself just enough to make sure no tears fall. You don't bother turning your head to look at who it was, instead staring at the ceiling as you hear footsteps growing nearer and nearer to your body. Finally, a familiar face emerges from the corner of your eyes. The girl leans over your face, smiling at the sight of you exhausted and sweaty.

"I figured you'd be here." She says teasingly.

"When am I not?" You say as your breathing starts to become steady again.

The girl offers you her small hands and you accept. She helps you on your feet, and when you're finally standing up on your own she doesn't let one of your hands go.

"Wanna cool down with a walk?" She asks you. You lazily nod your head, following behind as your friend, Joohyun.

She takes you outside the building, continuing to walk hand in hand on the sidewalk. You don't know where you're going, but frankly you don't care. Joohyun's mere presence is enough for you to calm down, to feel comfortable and safe. So you take the time to enjoy the feeling of her hand in yours, the night air passing by your skin, and the sound of your footsteps against the pavement. The silence between the two of you making you feel happy.

Eventually the two of you reach a swing set. She let's go of your hand and sits on one, tilting her head to tell you to sit on the one next to her. You go ahead and sit down, gently kicking the ground to create a soft sway. Joohyun does the same with her two hands holding onto the chains holding up the seat. You stare at your feet until Joohyun speaks up again.

"Look up at the sky. It's beautiful, isn't it?" You listen to her command and turn your head up.

You're quite literally star-struck for a moment, a smile appearing on your face as you admire the sky. You've seen the sky and the stars nearly every day of your life. It's the same sky as always, yet somehow on this night it stir something inside you.

"Sometimes I forget how good it is to be living, I let all the beautiful things pass me by." You admit to your friend. You stop looking at the sky, instead turning to face Joohyun. Your eyes follow the outline her side profile as you admire the amazement glazing over her eyes, the curve of her nose, the way her lips pursed together. The nighttime casts her in darkness but the moon gives her an ethereal glow. She stops looking at the stars to give you a smile similar to yours, a smile filled with endearment.

"It's nice isn't it? I come here a lot, just to recollect myself most of the time. It's my space. One where I can exist without worry, without trying to change myself." She says it as she recalls the many nights where she wanted to cry, the nights where she found herself walking here without thinking about it. "I wanted to share it with you though. You seem more stressed recently..." Her soft voice suddenly became laced with worry. You sigh before you start talking again.

"I guess I'm getting bad at hiding it." You try to joke. "I've been training for so long, you know? I've seen so many people leave. So many switch companies, so many debut. Sometimes I wonder if the last several years have been a waste. I don't wanna grow up with this kind of regret." Joohyun looks down dejectedly for a bit at your response.

"I know." She whispers. "I've been feeling the same thing. Sometimes I doubt I even belong. I don't know if this dream is achievable anymore."

You look down, not quite sure what you could possibly say to comfort the both of you. As another wave of silence envelopes the conversation, you kick a nearby pebble, watching it skid as you begin to launch yourself off the ground harder. You feel weightless as you get higher and higher, a little free even, from this restrictive life you live.

Joohyun sticks to the ground, not enjoying the idea of being at such a high height. Still, she begins to smile at the sight of you having at least some sort of fun. Things continue like this, the both of you contemplating different things in the silence under the same worries.

"Hey Y/N." Joohyun breaks the silence by calling for you. You're still staring at the stars as you swing in the air.

"What?"

"Slow down for a minute." You listen to your friend and start to slow down your momentum. When you're finally settled, Joohyun leans over from her swing with her hand out. She has her pinky finger raised while you look at her in confusion. "How about we do it?"

"Do what?"

"Let's complete our dreams. Together." You chuckle a bit at her sudden childish-ness that was different from her mature nature. Despite how out of character it was though, you couldn't help but feel appreciative for the act anyways. You stick out your hand and wrap your pinky around hers.

"Alright. Our little promise, between just the two of us."

"I know I can do it if I have you by my side." A pink hue paints itself on Joohyun's cheeks, complimenting the adorable smirk she gave you. Your heart pounds a little and you laugh at her.

"Since when were you so childish and greasy?"

"I don't know, since whenever it could make you smile like that?" You look away, feeling warmth flood your face.

"Whatever." You scoff light-heartedly.

For the past several weeks you felt like you were in a rut. Motivation draining away from you. Your promise with Joohyun though, her words, her loving voice, everything about her made you want to stay. Perhaps now you can complete your dream.

*

*

You're waiting in line, a smile is plastered on your face that you can't seem to wipe off. Finally, you can see her again.

You can still remember the day she told you she would debut. There was a part of your heart that hurt, but otherwise you were ecstatic for her. Of course out of consideration she tried not to talk about it much, but you assured her it was something that was worth celebrating. That it was an event and feeling you wanted to share between the two of you.

Things didn't turn out as planned. You kept training, but seeing Joohyun debut with seemingly no results for another year was disheartening enough to make you quit. It also didn't help that as Joohyun got busier, the two of you got to talk and hang out less and less. Everyday you would compulsively check your phone, only to be gifted a response on a rare occasion.

After your trainee years you moved on in your life, getting a higher education and joining a career that you found pleasure in. As you focused on your career though, you also found yourself with less and less time. It seemed like at some point Joohyun changed her number and forgot to tell you. For some reason it left you feeling a bit heartbroken. Although she wasn't really a part of your life anymore your memories with her graced your thoughts often.

Now though, as time has passed, your work life has settled down more. You've earned some money and took some vacation time to attend a very, very important event.

The person in front of you finally moves and you're face to face with Yerim, a girl you spent a lot of time with under the same company. She looks up at you with a smile and a face filled with both surprise and recognition. She signs your album before gently nudging the member next to her.

You move on in the line to meet Seulgi. She's happy that Yerim caught her attention to tell her you were here. She gives you a familiar smile and thanks you for coming to see the group. You get your album signed by her and two other members who you didn't get acquainted with during training until you reach the end of the table.

There she was, Bae Joohyun, the person you were closest with during those grueling years training. As soon as you're standing in front of her your heart threatens to jump out of your throat. When your eyes meet you almost feel like crying.

"Hey." You barely get the word to leave your mouth. The sound could hardly escape the tightening of your throat. Judging by the look on her face, it seemed like Joohyun was overwhelmed with feelings too, nearly wanting to cry. Instead she gives a light laugh.

"I've missed you." She says. Maybe it's in your imagination, but she's staring at you so dreamily. You don't know what to say, so you decide to just be honest.

"I've missed you too. I've been waiting for this day." You pause for a second before continuing. "I'm sorry I didn't make it." Joohyun shakes her head at your apology.

"Don't be. As long as you're happy with where you are now then I'm happy too." She gives you her signature smile that had always managed to comfort you.

"Let's make a new promise." Once again she sticks out her pinky finger at you. You take it without hesitation. "Let's talk. Like old times." Even though you haven't talked to each other properly in years, the feeling of her pinky and yours made you feel just as close as you were back in those days.

The staff are ushering you to go, the moment the two of you were sharing was holding up the line for too long. Quickly, Joohyun signs your album and you notice that she opens it and scribbles something inside. Could she have possibly written a message for you?

When go arrive home you admire the album with signatures strewn across it. The question that you had for the entire day though was what Joohyun wrote inside of it. Within the privacy of your home you finally felt safe to open and check.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

let's stay together this time ♥

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

❥ 𝓗𝓲𝓹𝓹𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓐𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓪

𝑃𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: 𝐻𝑖𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑠! 𝐽𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑌𝑢𝑛ℎ𝑜 × 𝐴𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑎! 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 (𝐹𝑒𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑒)

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: 𝑭𝒍𝒖𝒇𝒇, 𝑨𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕, 𝑭𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒚/𝑮𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒌 𝑴𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒚 𝑨𝑼

𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑪𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 11.2𝑲

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: 𝑴𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉, 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒂𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒆𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒊𝒐𝒏.

“𝑆𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝐼 𝑤𝑜𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑓 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑡ℎ 𝑓𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑓𝑜𝑟….

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝐼 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐼'𝑚 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑤𝑎𝑟.”- 𝑈𝑛𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤𝑛

❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ────── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖

The young woman panted softly, her soft [insert color] locks flowing behind her head, as free and wild as she was. Although her body was already aching and desperately crying out for her to stop, she pushed on even further. Her legs continued running, she felt an intense burn rip through them but she didn't care at all. Her gaze was fixed on the orchid tree just a few meters in front of her, the object she used as her finishing line. With a loud grunt she pressed herself forward, nearly loosing her footing but eventually touching the trunk of it. Raspy breaths came out of her mouth, she inhaled and exhaled deeply, nonetheless a satisfied smile was spread across her countenance, proud that she didn't give up this time, that she was able to break past her limit and endure much more.

Dusting the dirt off her tunic, she picked up her container of water, quickly taking a long gulp from it before starting her journey back home. The sun was already starting to set and would probably have completely gone down by the time she got back, but she didn't mind. She felt satisfaction knowing she did something useful and that would maybe benefit her in the future. Standing in front of the tall gated doors, the guards posted at each end took one look at her before bowing their heads to her in respect. The doors were immediately opened and she stepped inside into a grandiose hall of the palace. Red and gold silk drapes were hung on each of the windows that allowed one to look out into the courtyard which was most commonly used by the royal women to walk about and chatter while their husbands were inside discussing political affairs or training out in the sparring hall. She could probably guess that her father was probably in his study room, pouring over documents, studying them intently and making sure they were all correct.

As she was making her way towards her room, she heard the sound of tiny giggling and high pitched voices rounding the corner she was just about to take. One of the girls stumbled into her as she was not paying attention to what was ahead of her, instead busy chatting with her friend next to her. But she wasn't surprised, after all, she knew her cousin Ariadne better than anyone else, never watching where she was going.

"Oh! Y/N. Didn't see you there." She gave her usual apology she did to almost anyone she crossed paths with that resulted in disaster.

Her friend next to her properly bowed to Y/N. Just cause she was privileged enough to be friends with the princess' cousin and member of the royal family, it did not mean they were equal in any way or form.

"You really should look ahead of you sometimes."

Y/N walked past both of them to go to her bed chamber, not missing at all the strange glances both girls gave her nor was blind to the way they peered at her athlete tunic as if they were horrified at what they saw. Y/N was used to it by now, she had accepted a long time ago that she was vastly different from all the girls her age in Greece.

For starters, not only was she the princess but she was the only heir her father had. Although her father was disappointed at never acquiring a male heir, especially after the death of his beloved wife, he decided to make the best of his situation, in this case, it meant preparing his daughter and having her properly educated in governmental affairs and politics, even against the advice of all his council men.

"My daughter will be able to do anything a male can do and better!" He always stated, and he was always proud to show his prized possession off.

He especially loved to boast about one thing in particular: her athleticism. Ever since she was young, she had already demonstrated an incredible strength and agility that immediately put her to be trained alongside other boys her age or older in the academy for future athletes. Her specialty was running, and she truly did love it. The rush flowing through her body, the pumping of her heartbeat, it was all worth it. She never cared that court officials would look at her weird or the ladies of the palace, including her own relatives, would often scoff or sneer at her rather 'unfeminine' appearance. That didn't matter to her at all.

"I am Y/N, I am me, and I'm happy of who I am."

She repeated what she often said in front of her mirror every night like a ritual before going to bed, her limbs exhausted after the long hours of training she put herself through. She did not actually have to train, it's not like she could actually compete in any Olympics or games the country held every year. But she kept pushing forward, knowing one day she'd have a reason to be running, she did not know what it was, but she could feel it.

Something big was going to come.

❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ────── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖

"Too slow shortie."

Y/N grunted when her arch rival swiftly passed her on the track, a smug smile tugged on the corners of his lips. Wanting a take the smirk off, she pushed herself forward, wanting to catch up to him. She was a mere arm span away from him, which actually surprised him. She thrusted herself forward, but her ankle accidentally bent sideways, causing her to lose her balance and fall onto the floor. The golden haired man in front of her couldn't help himself as he stopped running and actually doubled over in laughter.

"Stop it Leon." She glared at him before inspecting her ankle to make sure there wasn't any serious damage to it.

"Or what? Will you ask your father to behead me?" He continued his teasing.

Not wanting to hear his annoying voice anymore, she quickly stood up and decided to just go find somewhere else to run instead of the track field. As she was leaving, Leon called out to her.

"Just give up Y/N! I'm the best runner in all of Greece! You'll never be able to beat me."

Y/N halted her steps, whipping her head towards him. He snickered at her attempt to intimidate him.

"What? Do you really believe you can beat me at least once?"

Y/N walked back over to him, looking up at him straight in the face.

"I don't believe. I will beat you one day and will make you regret all your words." She flashed him an icy smile.

"The day you beat me in a race is the day I'll die. I'll never allow myself to lose to a girl. " He firmly said.

Y/N lifted her hand up, unable to resist the urge to swing at him just once, but unfortunately a voice called out to her before she could even make contact with Leon.

"Y/N. You're needed back at the palace." The voice of her mentor and trainer, Milos, was sent to fetch her.

"Better run along now princess. It's time for your embroidery lessons." Leon winked at her before resuming his morning run.

Y/N angrily made her way to her mentor, who as usual had a small smile on his face.

"Morning to you my lady." He greeted her, extending a towel out to her

"Oh shut up. You distracted me from giving him a proper beating." She huffed as she yanked the towel away from him and draped it across her shoulders.

Milos let out a soft chuckle as he accompanied her back into the palace, leading her straight into her father's study room. Her father immediately stood up when he saw her.

"My beautiful daughter." He embraced her tightly, placing a kiss on her forehead.

Looking at her disheveled hair, glowing skin and red cheeks, he could guess where she had been.

"Did you have a good run today?" He was always curious about her progress.

Y/N immediately nodded.

"Good. Good."

Her father looked back at Milos before gesturing for him to allow them privacy. Once they were alone, her father suddenly got a grim look on his face.

"Y/N .....there has been much tension in these past council meetings."

Y/N guessed there was probably trouble. For the past month, her father refused to let any word slip out from his lips to her, which was unusual since he'd tell her all about them and sometimes even allowed her to join in on some of them so she could gain experience. Was she finally going to know what was going on?

Her father took her hands in his own.

"We have to talk about the future of the kingdom..."

Y/N felt a slight pang of fear as he said that. She always thought that the day they had the conversations she'd be thrilled, but deep down she knew there was something else going on.

"I tried, for years I've tried so hard to convince them to accept you as my heir, to allow you to rule our kingdom, put their faith in you as I have in you.."

Her heart was warmed everytime her father reassured his pride and confidence in trusting an entire kingdom to her.

"But they're not as open to the idea as I am. .... I fear it could turn into a civil war."

They both stood silent and grim. A civil war would be extremely devastating for the country, not to mention that it could last for years, innocent people would be slaughtered and the country could be divided by the end of it. Y/N understood the severity of it.

"So what am I to do?"

Although Y/N was ready to accept whatever her father asked of her, she was not prepared for what he said next.

"Y/N it's time for you to get married."

Her heart dropped at his words. Her hand went behind her body, steadying on the table behind her so she wouldn't fall. She took a deep breath just as she learned to do to calm her panic before a race. Only this time it didn't seem to work.

"Y/N, I promise it won't be that bad."

But that wasn't very reassuring. Y/N knew what it would implicate. She'd have to be behing someone for the rest of her life, be forced to live an idle life where she'd just sit there, look pretty and bear as many children as she could.....

She'd have to give up running.

"No! I can't do that!" She shook her head, unwilling to follow through what was expected of her.

Of course her father expected this reaction from her.

"Y/N please try to understand my position. It must be this way. There is no alternative."

Not wanting to listen to his words anymore, Y/N rushed out of the room, heading straight over to her room. Locking the door behind her, she flopped onto her bed, burying her face into one of her pillows so it could muffle the screams she was releasing.

She just couldn't allow this to happen.

❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ────── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖

"You're acting as if you're being sold off into slavery." Milos told her during her philosophy lesson.

Y/N looked up from her book, scowling at the middle aged man in front of her.

"You wouldn't understand cause you're a man."

He frowned slightly at her words but ultimately decided not to take it personal. He understood that this was a rather difficult position for her, something she never really wanted.

"Do you wish to suspend our lesson for today then?" He offered.

"And do what?" She groaned as her fingers massaged the sides of her head.

Not missing an opportunity to poke fun at his pupil, he taunted her.

"I could teach you how to crochet a nice tablecloth."

Y/N picked up her book and held it over her head, making a gesture as if she was going to throw it at him.

"I see you've already forgotten the proper way technique for shot put."

She quickly put the book down.

"It doesn't matter. None of it will matter after all. I'm destined to become a royal baby maker while my future husband rules over the empire my father and his ancestors worked so hard to build." Y/N couldn't help but lament over her situation.

"Cheer up child. There's got to be some good thing in this whole business. And if there isn't, well then....make something good out of it."

She shook her head.

"Not even all the marriage proposals that have come from other royal families seem to appease the advisors or council men. What? Do they not want to sort through papers and decide which candidate is the best option?"

"The problem with so many proposals is that it could cause dissension within the nation. You see, they can't pick one person or the other without offending all the ones that were turned down, which would cause us to loose allies and gain enemies. So of course it'll be a matter of great worry to them." Milos explained as he began rolling up the scrolls on the table.

Y/N's head started to pound against her skull as she thought about all the inconveniences her getting married would bring.

"Then why not just let me remain single? Besides, unlike all the other girls in the kingdom, I was never taught to embroider, sew, dance, play an instrument and much less style myself in the elegant and feminine fashions. It's not like I have anything to offer all these men except my throne, which should rightly belong to only me..."

Although she whispered that last part, Milos heard her very clearly. He too found it unfair that Y/N had to be stripped away from her rightful claim on the throne only due to the fact that she was born with an unfortunate yet lovely pair of breasts. He wished to find a way to comfort her. Having seen her grow up, he had become rather fond of her and almost thought of her as his own child, after all, he was the one mostly responsible for her upbringing and education. It pained him so to watch her grief and felt in utter despair that there was nothing he could do to change the destiny she was expected to lead.

Until an idea popped in his head.

"Y/N. What if you propose to marry on your own terms?"

Lifting her gaze up, she raised an eyebrow.

"Do tell me what'd those terms would be, because honestly, anything I suggest would fall on deaf ears."

Taking small steps until he stood right next to her chair, Milos placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"What about suggesting a race?"

Seeing the mischievous twinkle in his eye, now her curiosity was peaked.

"Think about it Y/N: you have all these marriage proposals lined up and they must decide on only one. Why not give yourself to the man that can outrun you? It would not only appeal to the public for entertainment, and would be a fair way to settle on a match, but it would buy you time as well. After all, how many men in all of Greece could actually outrun our dear Atalanta?"

She felt a surge of encouragement and hope after he not only found a momentary solution, but she enjoyed being called by her athlete name that he had given her long ago. Unable to contain her joy, she sprung up from her chair and embraced the man in front of her.

"Thank you Milos! Thank you thank you thank you." She squealed.

"All right all right child! No need to strangle me for it. Why don't you run along and tell your father? I'm sure he'd be pleased with the idea just as much as you."

Heeding his advice, Y/N swiftly exited the room, a stack of papers falling behind her and onto the floor from how fast she sped past them. Milos could only chuckle as he bent down to pick them up.

"A truly extraordinary girl."

❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ────── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖

The crowd were already all in an uproar of enthusiasm at King Iasus' words that echoed throughout the entire stadium.

"My fellow and loyal people. As you all know, my daughter, the precious gem in all of Arcadia, is finally of age and must of course, like all women in our beloved country, be married to an excellent suitor that must be worthy of her."

Resisting the urge to slump back in the chair, Y/N straightened her posture and kept her hands folded on her lap as she tried to calm her nerves. It wasn't the first time she had accompanied her father to admonish the people, but it was the first time she felt uncomfortable with her attire. All her life she had either stuck to the short athletes tunics she owned, or if her father absolutely insisted on her wearing something below her knees, she'd just wear a loose and plain beige or brown tunic. Now she was wearing an emerald green dress with golden lining on the hems, a similar colored sash was draped across her chest that was pinned to the butterfly style sleeves with large gold pins that had jade crystals adorned on the edges. Her female attendants had spent the majority of the morning crimping her hair into loose curls that were then styled in an elegant half updo, secured with a flower shaped pins that were sticking into her head in the most uncomfortable way. She felt so out of place and in her head she could already imagine all the people that were mocking or laughing at her appearance. She hardly focused on the words her father was saying until he reached the part that really interested her.

"After much discussion, we have concluded that the best way to decided is by means of a race."

A collective gasp resonated through the Colosseum, many heads turning to the one next to them, no doubt asking if they heard correctly.

"Yes it is true. Princess Atalanta, and my kingdom, will be given to the man that can outrun her in a race. Not only is this a perfect way to be fair, but it would provide much enthusiasm and joy for my dear subjects."

An applause that started small soon turned into a thunderous roar of hands clapping in approval for their king's speech. Y/N was beaming, she couldn't contain the smile on her face. It seemed as though everything was playing out perfectly for her. Once it was seen that no man could outrun her, they'd have no choice but to name her their rightful heir.

"And........" Her father paused for a dramatic effect.

"I'm happy to let you know that the first race will actually be held in one month's time."

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows at that. So soon? No one had told her about that part. The crowd was already hooked, waiting to hear more details on the matter.

"Our first competitor has actually presented himself already and it is none other than our prized champion, Leon of Mantinea!"

The applause and cheers of the crowd suddenly went silent in Y/N's ears. All she could hear now was her labored breathing and the thumping of her heart. She felt it difficult to breathe, as if she had suddenly sprinted out running without properly preparing and her body was now desperately begging for air. Her head began spinning, her vision becoming blurry as she could no longer distinguish any but one face in the entire crowd...

Leon, who was actually looking straight at her with a triumphant smirk that nearly had her doubling over, threatening to make her vomit her breakfast that she had a couple hours ago. For the first time in her life, she felt a tremendous fear that she had not felt anytime else.

As soon as the ceremony was over, she was dashing out of the stadium, nearly tripping on the long train of her damned dress. It clung so tightly on her waist and hips that no matter how hard she tried, it can nearly impossible to run in it.

"Don't you look lovely for once."

She recognized that tone of mockery before even turning to see the face it belonged to. She just tried so keep walking, not wanting to have Leon stare down at her when she was in such an agitated state, unfortunately for her, within seconds he was already in front of her, blocking her path of escape.

"Move aside Leon." She ordered in a harsh tone, but it did nothing to deter him.

"Are you asking me as the princess or as a runner?" He sneered at her.

"I'm not in the mood to hear any bullshit that'll come out of your mouth."

She tried pushing past him, but he grabbed her arm, forcing her to stay put as he looked deep in her eyes.

"Get used to the idea that you'll be hearing my sweet voice every day after our race. When you wake up next to me and when you lie down next to me..."

He couldn't help himself as his eyes raked her body up and down, making Y/N cringe at the filthy thoughts that were swirling inside his evil little mind.

"You can't outrun your destiny Atalanta, and you most certainly can't outrun me. So in the end, you're going to become my bride...."

She let out a soft grunt when he pulled her closer against him, their chests practically touching as his breath hovered above her lips.

"And I'm going to become the next king."

❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ────── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖

"You're pushing yourself too hard Atalanta, slow down."

Milos words fell on dear ears as Y/N only picked up her speed, pushing forward until she was a few meters away from the finish line, but her legs went limp from exhaustion at having ran nonstop for the past 2 hours. Y/N squatted down, hands clutching her chest as she tried to regain her breathing. Milos shook his head at her state. Walking up to her with a jug of water, he gently poured some of the cold water onto her back and head.

Can't...slow down....must...win-" Y/N coughed slightly, unable to form any more words.

"You're pushing yourself too much and with all this stress you're enduring, it'll only serve to weigh you down even further at the actual race."

Helping to her to her feet, he extended the jug out to her so that she won't get dehydrated from lack of water. Hastily, Y/N gulped the water down, some of it trickling down her chin and neck. Against her will, she allowed Milos to guide her to a nearby stone bench for her to sit on. She looked at the ground, not wanting to say anything. Milos was the first one to speak up.

"Forgive me for asking this, but have you ever actually beaten Leon in a match?"

Y/N thought long and hard before answering.

"Once...almost."

He shook his head.

"Almost will make you a bride. That's the reality you must accept."

"I don't want to talk about reality or accepting it. I just need to practice harder. I only have a month to train."

She got up, ready to start running her laps again, but Milos stopped her.

"Y/N....the month for training wasn't for Leon...it was for you and it wasn't so you could run..."

When he paused longer than she liked, she gestured for him to speak up.

"It's to train you to become a wife. Learn to behave as a women and learn all the proper things a lady must learn."

No sooner he finished his sentence, she turned, already sauntering off into the field, quickly gaining momentum as she began running away, back to the flower fields she so often visited and ran off to.

"Y/N! Be reasonable! You cannot run from this forever!"

But that was exactly what she was planning to do, even if it costed her everything.

❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ────── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖

On the morning of the race, she was astonished by the amount of people that had come to watch. People pushed against the barriers intended to keep them off the track, wanting to get a better look at the runners. Milos shook his head at how ferocious the people could get.

"All they ever care about is a good spectacle..no matter how tragic it can end."

Y/N turned her face at his words.

"Thank you for reminding me that you have no faith in me."

Milos was about to speak up and say that he didn't mean it for her, but remembering that he was forbidden from telling her anything, he just kept quiet and silently prayed it would all be over soon. When Leon finally showed up, everyone began cheering, already convinced that he would end up winning and becoming their new king. None of them noticed that he had lost a bit of muscle, his face looked somewhat thinner than usual and it seemed he and his friends had done an early celebration the night before which could explain why he wobbled at times.

Y/N most definitely didn't notice, her nerves shooting up and down as she tried to mentally brace herself for the race that would ultimately decide her future. Thankfully, her trusted mentor escorted her to the starting line, patting her shoulders occasionally.

"Remember all that I've taught you. Stand up straight and don't look scared. Don't let them see your fear. Walk with dignity, even if you're trembling on the inside."

After muttering a small hymn, Milos finally retreated back to watch and monitor the race. Leon took his place next to her, wearing that daily smirk he always had. As she crouched at the start, Y/N closed her eyes and did the first thing she was taught: drown out all distractions, and only look ahead of you. Her nostrils were filled with the scent of the sun baked dust underneath her feet. She waited for the horn to signal the start. Once it blared all over, she immediately opened her eyes and sprinted forward. Her start was rather well, but her opponents was even better as he sprinted with full speed ahead of her. Y/N was tempted to increase her speed, but then Milos words came into her head:

"Don't waste all your energy at the start. Save it for the end. Let your opponent tire themselves out first, then you can use that reserved energy to quickly bypass them and defeat them."

Y/N decided to follow through on that, essentially since they had to run 3 laps around the track. She watched as Leon quickly made it to the turning post, his eyes mocking her when he went past her. Y/N had an advantage at the post, due to the fact she was lighter, she could easily reverse in direction and pick up seconds into her time. Soon enough, the gap between them both narrowed, and the crowd was now adamantly watching to see what the outcome would be. Noticing that her rival seemed to be slowing down after starting the second lap, Y/N viewed it as an opportunity and began to slowly increase her speed, holding back the urge to go at her full potential. Almost by the end of the second lap, she was already running next to Leon, who upon seeing her, had a panicked look on his face. When they both rounded the final post, Y/N swiftly got ahead of him.

Now the crowd became extremely quiet, not knowing exactly how this race was going to end. Sensing that he needed to do something, Leon sped past Y/N, although his steps were somewhat wobbly. Y/N decided this was it, pushing past her comfort zone and tired state, she ran even faster, somehow not feeling any pain. Instead her body seemed to move by itself, adjusting and keeping its balance.

She passed Leon, and the crowd let out a gasp. He tried to push even further, but found he had no energy left. His breaths came in pained groans as he lost his footing and stumbled forward onto the track, unconsciously helping propell Y/N across the finish line.

As Y/N panted, she realized she had won. Although she wanted to smile, she could feel that something was off about her victory, especially given the fact that the crowd was not cheering and instead had looks of pain and anguish in their countenances. And even more puzzling was the fact that Milos didn't come to support her, as it was customary for the trainers to do for the winners. No one approached her. Instead two guards came over, but not to her, instead they helped Leon to his feet. His face looked disdained and his eyes now looked lifeless as he stared at the ground in shame.

Her father came forward in the royal box, a serious look on his face.

"What's going on?" She asked Milos when he finally came up to her, his arms placing themselves around her, not in a comforting or congratulating way, but instead, it felt as if he was trying to confine her, keep her from moving or running.

"You all who have gathered here know very well the conditions that were made for the race. It was a race to marriage..."

Milos tightened his grip on Y/N, serving to worry her even more.

"Or to death."

When she heard those words, she whipped her head to Milos.

"Wait! What does he mean-"

She had no time to ask as she witnessed in horror as one of the guards held Leon in place while the other drew his sword out.

"No! No!"

Y/N struggled to get free from her trainer's arms, but he held onto her that she had no opportunity to move.

She watched helplessly as Leon was slain right before her eyes, his blood pouring out into the sand. ...

❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ────── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖

Y/N stormed into her room, Milos trailing right behind her.

"Y/N-"

"Why didn't you tell me?!" She accused him.

He sighed.

"I was forbidden from letting you know about that. Your father knew you would have never raced had you known about the death penalty."

"Of course I wouldn't! I hated Leon but I never wished for him to die! Why would my father make up that condition?" Her arms flailed all over the air in frustration.

"Leon himself suggested it..."

Y/N couldn't believe his words.

"No...why would-"

"Think of his upbringing Y/N. He was the prized champion runner in all Arcadia. It was a matter of pride. How could he have lived with the fact he was beaten in a race by a girl? He would have much rather died than live with that shame."

Recalling what he once said to her, Y/N slumped into her chair, elbows resting on her knees as her hands supported her head.

"Leon....why would you do that...stupid stupid boy.."

Wanting to comfort her, but knowing she'd reject his touch, Milos decided to leave her alone.

"Just so you know, there's already 3 more competitors lined up to race against you. The conditions still apply to them."

"I won't do it. I refuse to race against them and send them to their deaths." Y/N adamantly refused, she would not be deterred from her resolution.

"You have no say in this matter anymore Y/N....

You're a woman and you do not dictate conditions." He said before shutting the door behind him.

Y/N felt the rage coursing through her veins. She hated being reminded that she had no power, that she'd forever be chained to obey as all men ordered her to. She was angry at everyone. Her father, Milos, Leon, the advisors, the people who watched a man get murdered just for entertainment, it was all sickening and most of all, she was angry at herself. Angry that she could do nothing about it, and even more furious at the suitors who still decided to run against her, knowing fully well there'd be no chance of outrunning her.

She stood up and walked over to her mirror. This time, she did not repeat her usual chant. Instead, she said a different thing.

"If I must keep running away from my destiny, so be it...."

❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ────── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖

In less than 2 months, Y/N had raced against 9 other competitors, all slain at the end of each race. She no longer shrinked back in fear, she had gotten so used to seeing them die before her eyes, she felt as if she was just like their lifeless bodies on the ground. The crowds seemed to enjoy it though. It had seemed to be now a killing fest rather than a race, and she was tired of it.

That's why she had now retreated into the top of one of the hills a few miles away from the palace. She sat by an apple tree, looking out at the sun that was starting to set. Hues of red, orange, yellow and pinks adorned the sky and at the very top, she could already see a few stars peeking out, ready to shine brightly once night set in. No sound was heard except the occasional chirping of a bird passing by or her deep sorrow filled sighs that would often escape her lips. She began to see no point in this. No one even called her by her birth name anymore, instead, everyone could only talk about the female runner Atalanta, even forgetting that she was the princess and these races were not for amusement or placing useless bets. It was to decide her future, which up to now seemed like it'd be filled with severed heads and split throats. Resting her head on her arms, she closed her eyes.

"It's too beautiful a day to be looking so sad don't you think?"

She jumped to her feet, startled by the voice that spoke behind her. Looking up, she felt astonished when she saw the most beautiful and tall man she had ever seen in her life. His skin was fair and perfectly unblemished, his hair was as dark as a raven's feathers, his eyes very large and dazzled as if they were a pair of rare and exotic gems, but the most captivating feature on him had to be his smile that seemed to radiate warmth and sunshine. He definitely wasn't from there or any other province nearby. He had a beauty that screamed he was from the northern countries.

"I'm sorry if I scared you. Forgive me, it was definitely not my intention." He bowed in an apologetic form, arm crossed over his stomach as he did so.

"I'm Yunho by the way, Yunho from Thessaly."

She debated whether to reveal her identity or not, especially to a stranger from the North.

"I'm Y/N." She opted for the safer choice, refusing to utter the name that would no doubt reveal who she really was.

Tilting his head to the side, he gave her a curious gaze.

"Y/N.....? Pretty name."

She blushed slightly at his words. Noticing the small pouch he was carrying, she pointed at it.

"Are you traveling here on foot?"

He seemed a little caught off guard but nonetheless didn't loose his enthusiasm.

"Kinda, not really. I left my horse back at the inn and decided to go explore these beautiful fields and mountains....."

He looked back at her, unable to suppress a smile.

"And the scenery definitely wasn't disappointing."

Y/N smoothed out the fabric of her tunic as she cleared her throat.

"Do tell me, what brings someone like you all the way to Arcadia?"

Yunho's friendly smile turned into a more mischievous one.

"Well I'm actually here on a little personal mission. You see, there's been a rumor that reached Thessaly saying how there's a young princess here who has offered herself and her kingdom in marriage to the man who can outrun her in a race. If he loses, he must be put to death. Supposedly her name is Atalanta."

Her heart stopped for a moment. She dreaded the topic and she was even more scared to think that this handsome man might actually ask to race against her.

"I came to find out if the rumor is true. Have you heard of her?"

Y/N nodded her head, which seemed to delight Yunho.

"Then is it all true?!"

"No! It's not true! She didn't offer herself and none of it was her idea. The first challenger was the one who proposed the idea of death be given to the loser.."

Yunho stayed very quiet as he heard her speak, studying her profile intently. Feeling somewhat embarrased that she spoke too much, she decided to fix it.

"I mean....everyone around here knows that."

Yunho nodded his head, but he still kept his gaze on the woman in front of him. His eyes looked her up and down in an unusual way, as if trying to figure something out.

"With such high stakes it really makes one wonder why the runners keep trying for her? If no one has even come close to beating her, why risk their lives for it?"

It was the exact question she had asked herself a million times yet could find no reasonable explanation. All she could do was look at the green grass underneath her, her foot swaying around occasionally. She failed to notice the fond and loving look Yunho was giving her.

"She must be very beautiful."

Her head jerked up at his words, a satisfied smile on his face.

"I see no other reason. She must be extremely beautiful if athletes from all over are risking their lives to just to have her hand in marriage."

"Or maybe they don't believe they'll lose to a girl... it's foolish really."

Yunho frowned slightly before nodding.

"I agree with you on that part. It's foolish indeed to risk their lives over a race or a woman."

Picking out a leaf from one of the branches above him, he studied it carefully before letting it fall to the ground.

"Life is too precious to be gambled away like that. The gods gave us the gift of life for a reason. It's truly ungrateful to repay their kindness in such a way."

Y/N felt a wave of relief when he said that. At least she wouldn't have to worry about racing him at all.

"Either way, I'd like to observe just one race while I'm here. I'm very curious to see just how fast she is..."

He paused as he scanned Y/N's face, which was now more illuminated by the ray of light peeking out from the mountain behind them.

"And to see what is it about her that make men so crazy."

Feeling a breeze pass by her, she remembered it was getting late and she had to be back in the palace before it got dark.

"I have to go home now. I hope you enjoy your stay here."

She quickly brushed past him and Yunho couldn't help but watch her as she left.

"Goodbye Y/N!" He waved at her, which she happily returned before walking away.

Y/N waited until she felt he was no longer watching her to finally let loose and run straight back to the palace, but he did notice. He also didn't fail to notice that not only was she wearing a rather short tunic that showed off her rather toned and muscly legs, but the tunic was made of the most fine linen there was available. Chuckling to himself he began his own walk down the hill.

"I think I know now..."

❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ────── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖

Walking into the library where she was scheduled for her morning studies, she was puzzled as to why Milos wasn't there but instead left a note telling her she was to go see her father in the track field. She suddenly felt uneasy.

'What if he decided to cancel the races?' 'What if he had to tell her some bad news?'

Her mind kept thinking about all the endless scenarios that could possibly happen, but the reality was something she definitely did not expect. She saw her father talking to someone, she couldn't quite make out who it was since the person had his back to her. When her father caught glimpse of her, his face shone brightly.

"Ahhh there is my treasured jewel! Atalanta, sweetheart. Come meet Prince Hippomenes. He's visiting us from Thessaly."

When he finally turned around, she was shocked to see none other than Yunho in front of her, still donning that cursed smile on his face. He didn't seem surprised at all when he saw her, his look was more on the amusing side.

"Pleasure to meet the most talked about princess in the land."

She had no time to react and frankly, did not know how to react when he suddenly took a hold of her hand and placed a kiss on the top of it, his eyes looking straight at her as he did, even sending a subtle wink to her that made her legs feel weak as if she had just run a 10 kilometer race.

"I was hoping to meet you. My father, mother, siblings and frankly, all Thessaly have been wanting to know about you, so I offered myself to come meet you."

Y/N still made no move to talk, frankly she was kind of upset at him. Noticing the tense air, her father knew he needed to suggest something quick.

"My dear, why not give our guest a tour of the track and tell him all about the races you've run? I have to go talk to the council about some commercial business that can't be held off much longer."

Kissing his daughter's cheek, he excused himself and left the two familiar strangers alone. She crossed her arms, now fully glaring at the male in front of her, who was confused at her cold treatment.

"What?" He asked .

"You lied to me!"

He held up a hand at her accusation.

"Actually, I did not lie. My birth name is indeed Yunho, but obviously my royal name is a different story. And I did come here to learn about the great fame you made for yourself."

Unable to help himself, he suddenly leaned in, his tall figure looming over hers as he smirked at her.

"And truthfully, do you have any room to talk? You concealed your identity just as I did."

She wanted to say something back but knew it was pointless since he was right.

"When did you find out?" She had to know.

"Last night. You're not very good at hiding things you know."

She frowned and was considering walking away, but Yunho seemed determined not to let her go just yet.

"So.....this is where your story unfolds.."

He looked around at the track, observing every square inch of it, his feet kicking softly at the dirt underneath him.

"Yeah....."

He noticed the sad look as she gazed at a specific corner in the field, her eyes seeming to be somewhere else instead of there. Yunho could only guess what she was thinking of. Not caring if it was improper, he placed his hands on the top of her shoulders, lightly rubbing the sides of them.

"You know....it's not your fault. You have your race to run.....and they had theirs."

He fought back the urge to wrap his arms around her waist and pull her against his chest. Y/N felt slightly comforted by his words, but nonetheless couldn't shake the guilt off.

"Maybe it would have been better if I was born a male. I often wish I had been born one."

Yunho shifted awkwardly behind her, but kept a small smile as he whispered in her ear.

"Then I guess I have much to be thankful for. I happen to like your present form very much."

He cleared his throat when she whipped around to face him, suddenly feeling embarrased for his bold words, while she, never been accustomed to men talking complimenting her or talking to her like that.

"Please excuse me.."

Just like the first time they met, she quickly left him standing there, confused and disappointed that their meeting was short.

"I'll see you at the race!"

Either she didn't hear him or purposefully ignored him, but Yunho didn't have it in him to give up.

"I'll be cheering for you, Y/N!"

Briefly, she halted her steps, her head tilting slightly before resuming to walk away once more.

❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ────── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖

The runners ran neck to neck. Y/N felt as if her lungs were being ripped out of her body. This guy proved more of a challenge than Leon ever did, even before the infamous race to death. They were only a few meters away from the finishing line. She felt herself growing weak, her pulse ringing in her ears, her brain thumping against her skull. She tried not to look at her opponent, knowing it'd only serve to distract her and make her loose focus.

Yunho sat next to the other nobles in the very front row, watching with excitement and anxiousness as it almost got to the end.

"Come on Y/N....you can do it."

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed her opponent was suddenly going ahead of her by a few inches. Soon enough, his foot would cross the finish line first.

No!!!

Not knowing from where the last burst of energy came from, Y/N pushed her body forward, tumbling forward, but eventually passing through the finishing line first. She fell onto the floor, her elbow and knee scraping against the sandy dirt, but it was nothing compared to the pain she felt in her chest. She heard the crowd roar in applause and cheer for her once again, but she could not join in on the victory. She felt Milos help her to her feet, but once she stood up, her head began spinning, her legs wobbling as if she was a newborn calf learning to walk.

"Y/N? Are you ok?"

She heard her trainer ask, but she couldn't speak, her breathing raspy and hoarse.

"I'm-I'm-"

The crowd gasped and several women began screaming when their beloved runner fell once again to the ground, unconscious and not moving. Not knowing what came over him, Yunho jumped up from his seat and ran over to her, not caring about anyone else.

"Y/N? Y/N?"

He placed a hand across her face, feeling the temperature on her forehead before taking her wrist to check her pulse. Knowing he couldn't waste any time, he effortlessly picked her up and looked over at Milos.

"Have her room ready, bring a basin of cold water in it and make sure all the windows are open."

They wasted no time in heeding his directions. Carefully, he placed Y/N on her soft bed. Grabbing a towel, he soaked it in the icy water before placing it on her forehead. He checked her pulse every now and then, satisfied when it seemed to be returning to a normal pace and freaking out when it suddenly became too low.

"Come on Y/N...don't give up on me. You've fought this long in your life....don't stop now."

Yunho refused any help, not caring that he spent hours by her side, making sure her body stayed cool. He wiped the sweat off his own forehead, exhausted but not wanting to leave her side until he was sure she'd be all right. It was late into the night when his eyes began to close slowly, feeling drowsy after not eating and being agitated for so long. He didn't know exactly when he his head fell on her lap, sleep overtaking him, one hand clutching desperately onto hers.

That's how Y/N awoke to find him. She felt so bad seeing him bent over in such an uncomfortable position, his hair tussled out and his hand still holding onto hers. She felt her heart flutter at the sight. Reaching her hand out, she moved a few of the front part of his hair away, admiring his beautiful features. Feeling her stir, Yunho opened his eyes to find her looking at him, the sunlight making her features look ethereal and almost heavenly.

"Gods in Olympus have mercy on me..." He mumbled softly as he sat up, stretching his arms out and yawning softly.

"What happened?" Y/N asked.

"It seems you got struck by heat stroke which combined with over exerting yourself, you fainted for quiet some time."

Y/N fell back onto her pillow, her hands covering her face.

"How embarrassing! And the entire city saw!"

"Frightening is the word I'd use. They were all worried about you."

Standing up, he sat on the space of the bed next to her and removed her hands away from her face, his eyes boring deep in her soul.

"And frankly I was terrified about anything happening to you..."

Y/N widened her eyes when she saw his face come close to hers, his eyes fixated on her lips. She closed her eyes and turned her face to the side before he could come any closer. Sighing defeatedly, Yunho let go of her hands and pulled away.

"Please take care of yourself. I don't want anything to happen to you."

❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ────── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖

Y/N stormed out of her room, not caring about the the fact she still had to stay in bed, muting the worried voices of her female servants. She asked around until she finally found out where Yunho was and quickly walked as fast as she could to the main courtyard. It took her quite a while to find him, but eventually she saw his tall silhouette admiring some of the sunflowers that were growing in the palace gardens. Fuming, she walked over to him, her feet stomping so hard on the ground that he heard her coming before he saw her. He seemed delighted to see her.

"Afternoon Y/N! Lovely to see you-"

"You can't race against me!" She shouted at him.

He stepped back at her harsh tone, but didn't seem surprised at her reaction.

"So I take it they told you about that." An apologetic smile formed across his lips.

"You can't do this. Take it back!" She demanded, but Yunho wasn't going to budge.

"I can't and I won't Y/N. I have to do this."

"But why?! You yourself said the men who risked their lived for a race were foolish and stupid! So why are you now doing the exact same thing?!"

Yunho ran a hand through his hair, letting out a puff of air as he tried to collect his thoughts.

"You're right about that and I truly still believe they were foolish for risking their lives for a race or even a kingdom..."

He paused as he looked at her before finishing his last sentence.

"But then after meeting you, seeing you.....I understand why they'd be willing to risk their lives just to have you."

Y/N felt a lump get stuck in her throat. She was afraid. Afraid of the way he was looking at her with such admiration and devotion, afraid of actually having to race him, and most of all, afraid of her own growing feelings for him.

"You know you still have a chance. Get out of this while you still can. Once I step foot on that track, I don't have control over myself and I won't let you win." She admonished him.

He merely shrugged.

"Don't go easy on me. Use your full speed."

"Oh my god! Are you even listening to yourself?! You have absolutely no chance! All the men I've raced were trained athletes, the best in all the land! You- you're a prince! You grew up with books, studying philosophy and prepared to rule a country. You've never stepped foot on a track before coming here, you.....you'll die."

She spoke those last words softly, unable to say them above a whisper. Tears began brimming at her eyes, her arms wrapping around her chest in an effort to calm herself and not cry in front of Yunho. Still he said nothing, instead opting to come closer to her, not bothering to stop himself as his large hands wrapped themselves around her waist.

"It's a risk I'm willing to take. Don't you get it? I.... I can't get you out of my mind. I have to have you. You're unlike any other woman I've met. You're fearless, strong, independent, and you're a lot smarter than most princesses I've met, even if you are terrible at stitching a flower onto a cloth."

They both let out a tiny chuckle at that.

"Blame my father for prioritizing my education over pricking my fingers on silly needles."

Yunho moved his hands from her waist to cup her cheeks.

"Point is.....I'm attracted to you ok? I want you all to myself as crazy as it sounds...

He bit his lips before uttering the next thing.

"I love you.."

She looked up at him when he said that confession.

"And honestly? I think you feel the same way..."

Before she had time to respond or react, his lips enveloped themselves around hers, capturing and covering her entire mouth in such a passionate and desperate kiss. Against her will, Y/N kissed him back, hands going to the back of his head as the played with the soft black locks he had. She forgot about everything in that sweet moment, the races, the deaths, and almost forgot about a long forgotten fear.

Almost.

Until she suddenly pulled back away from him as if he was death itself.

"No! I can't!"

Seeing her try to run away as usual, Yunho wasn't having it. He grabbed her hand, refusing to let go.

M"Why are you running away from me?! Are you afraid of me? Are you afraid of being married off? Having to give up the freedom that has been granted upon you since you were born?"

Y/N didn't respond. He had hit on the point somewhat. Not all of it, but definitely a reason why she didn't want to marry and kept pushing herself so no one would ever beat her in a race.

"I want you to know....I would never be that kind of husband. I wouldn't force you to stay home, knit, and be bored to death walking in gardens or just bear me children."

Letting go of her hand, he pulled her against his chest, his arms wrapping around her waist as his lips began whispering in her ear.

"I would never dream of taking away your freedom. I'll allow you to keep running as free as you are now. Anything you want to do, I'll allow you to. I just ask you to love me in return. You don't have to be afraid of me."

She couldn't contain her sobs at this point. Lowering her head so he couldn't see her grief stricken face, she finally poured out her feelings.

"It's not just that..... when I was a mere girl, an Oracle once came to reveal prophecies to some members of my family. Being curious, I offered them a gold brooch I had in exchange for telling me something about my future..."

Her eyes closed as she remembered the words the old woman said to her.

"The day you marry, that day will be the end of you."

She sobbed even harder now. Yunho turned her around and embraced her, allowing her to cry in his chest, not caring if it soaked his clothes or not.

"Y/N....perhaps the prophecy meant the end of you in a different way. Perhaps it wouldn't be the end of Y/N.....but the end of Atalanta. Think about it, the day someone beats you, you have to marry him, Atalanta will be no more, instead you'll be Y/N. Just Y/N. Also...... one loses themselves when you truly love someone. The end of something, also creates a new beginning."

Although his words comforted her, she could no longer hear him. The longer she stayed, the more attached she grew to him and the more it'd hurt her to see him lose against her.

"I'm sorry....I can't-"

Yunho let go of her hands and didn't stop her as she ran back towards the palace. He didn't even call out to her and he hoped she wouldn't turn around and see the sad and heartbroken look he had on his countenance for the first time in his life.

❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ────── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖

Y/N walked out into the field wearing a heavy grim on her face, the cheers of the crowd no longer having an effect on her. She felt like she was walking out to her own execution. If Yunho died because of her, she could never live with herself.

"Cheer up child. Perhaps he won't have to die after all." Milos hinted at her.

"He's not an athlete. Even if I use half my speed, he'd still lose."

Milos nodded at her.

"That may be true.........and yet....perhaps he could win who knows? He was gone all night yesterday sacrificing to the gods."

"All the other athletes sacrificed to different gods. To Zeus, to Athena, to Apollo, and look how they all ended up." She retorted.

"Perhaps they were all sacrificing to the wrong one. I can tell you this: Yunho sacrificed to one goddess none of them thought about......"

Y/N looked at him and waited for him to finish.

"Aphrodite."

Her stomach lurched, threatening her to become sick again.

When Yunho finally stepped out, the crowd, more specifically the women, began cheering loudly for him. During his short stay there, he had already attracted a pretty good number of admirers and fans. Some had even made beautiful embroidered banners with his name stitched across it. When he stepped up to her, he had that usual smile of his that always melted her heart.

"Good luck to you Y/N." He took her hand, instead of shaking it though, he placed a kiss on it, causing several 'awws' to emit from the crowd.

Y/N retreated her hand and cleared her throat.

"No offense but your tunic is not very well suited for a race. It'll cause you to loose speed."

Pointing at the odd pouch strapped around his waist, she looked at him for an explanation.

"Good luck charms." He patted the pouch.

Y/N was about to say something, but he stopped her.

"Y/N this might be the last time I ever talk to you let alone see you in this lifetime...so please...don't worry and don't say unkind words.... and let me say just in case that I love you."

He waited for her to say something but she said nothing. They just followed the announcers instructions to get in position.

When the horn blasted, Y/N took off running at the usual speed speed she tended to use at the beginning of a race. Unsurprisingly, Yunho was a long way away from her, a large gap in between them. Y/N rounded the first turn and doubled back and saw him as she was coming back, irked that he seemed to be running as if he had all the time in the world. When she got close to him, he took out something from his pouch and held it in front of her eyes so she could see before tossing it behind her. Unable to comprehend her own actions, she whirled around to fetch the shiny object he had thrown. It had fallen on the dry grass at the edge of the track and picking it up, she noticed it was a golden apple, perfectly smooth, with a stem and leaves that had beautiful and intricate engravings on them. She was so immersed in the apple that she forgot about the race until she heard the crowd cheer. Looking over, Yunho had rounded the first turn and was now coming towards her. She felt disoriented for a second, but eventually got back on the track, running with the apple in her hand, although its weight served only to slow her down.

Just as she was rounding the second turn, she saw another golden apple being rolled in front of her, this time rolling off the track at a greater distance. Once again, she went in pursuit of it, forgetting about the race as she chased after it. This time it was slighty bigger and heavier than the last one, but she was determined to keep it. She stood there, admiring its beauty until the cheers of the crowd snapped her back to reality. She was shocked when she saw Yunho round the last turn.

"Oh no!"

With the apples in her hand, she sprinted forward with all her ability, catching up to him in mere seconds. She was right behind him about to pass him until he looked back at her, flashing a third and even larger golden apple in his hand. Raising it up, he let the sun shine on it before tossing it behind him with incredible force. Y/N backtracked and chased after it. She didn't know what it was that made her go for it, but she just had to have it. She struggled to cram them all into her hands, but she refused to let go of them. She gasped when she saw that Yunho was a few feet away from the finish line. She sped up, apples in hand, sure that even with the added weight and time lost she could beat him, no one was faster than her and no one had beaten her.

She was so close, a hands length away from him when the crowd erupted in thunderous applause and screaming. Y/N looked around in shock as Milos and many of the other nobles began surrounding Yunho, congratulating his victory.

"I.....lost?"

Y/N couldn't comprehend it. How on earth did she just lose? And to someone like Yunho? She was so immersed in her thoughts that she didn't notice he had come up behind her until he swiftly turned her around and kissed her in front of everyone. She was so stunned that she had no time to push him off. When he pulled back, he had the brightest and happiest grin plastered all over.

"My beautiful bride." He cooed at her.

She had so many questions for him but unfortunately she couldn't ask him as her father quickly made his way to them, happily announcing Yunho victorious and declaring that preparations for their wedding would begin immediately. The crowd began to celebrate, happy at the thought of the new royal couple forming and praising all the gods in Olympus.

❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ────── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖

It wasn't until later that night that Y/N finally had time to go see Yunho, who was wandering around in the orchards. She came to him, the golden apples on a small pouch.

"I believe these belong to you."

Y/N slumped them back in his hands, Yunho letting out a soft "oof!" at their weight.

"Actually...they're not mine."

"Either way.....you cheated." She accused him.

"It can't be counted as cheating if it complies with a God's wishes." He counteracted.

"What?" Y/N raised an eyebrow.

Smirking, Yunho picked up one of the golden apples.

"These....are golden apples from Aphrodite's golden tree that grows in her garden."

Y/N widened her eyes at his revelation, making Yunho snicker at her reaction.

"She gave them to me after I sacrificed to her last night. She gave me instructions on how to use them so I'd win the race. No one, not even the prized runner in all Arcadia, could resist their magic."

Her mouth dropped wide open at his explanation.

"You see? They were all sacrificing to the wrong deities." He poked her nose.

Y/N huffed and crossed her arms as she mumbled.

"I still say you cheated."

Yunho laughed slightly at her embittered state.

"Come now my darling Y/N. Don't be so cross with me. Can you really blame me for risking my life just to be able to spend the rest of my life next to you?"

He tilted her chin up, looking into her eyes that captivated and bewitched him more and more as he stared at them.

"Aren't you.....aren't you at least happy to marry me?"

Y/N sighed softly.

"The conditions of the race were clear."

Yunho's hand dropped to his side in clear disappointment of her answer.

"I don't want you to marry me because you have to. I want you to marry me because you love me like I love you. I offer you my heart, soul, all of me and vow to love you with my last breath for as long as we remain on this earth."

Y/N clasped a hand over her mouth when Yunho got on his knees and looked at her with such adoration and love.

"Forget the race and forget about the conditions. That doesn't matter anymore. If you don't want it, I'll happily release you from that condition......but at least allow me to try it my way."

Reaching for one of her hands, he grasped it tightly with both of his hands which were trembling slightly.

"I love you Y/N. I love you with every drop of blood that runs in my body. And nothing would make me happier than to have you accept my love and accept to my wife from this night forward."

He gulped as soon as he finished the words, waiting impatiently for her answer, tears building up inside him as he feared her rejection. Y/N was already crying, overwhelmed by her emotions and the intensity of the feelings she had for him. But then she thought about living the rest of her life without him and that was even more terrifying to her.

"Yunho......I love you..."

His gaze that was on the floor suddenly shot up when he finally heard her say those words. Through teary eyes, she smiled at him.

"And I would love for nothing more than to become your wife."

Before her sentence was finished, he was already on his feet, picking her up and spinning her around as his lips began peppering kisses all over her face. Tears of happiness streamed down his face as he thanked Aphrodite and all the other gods for blessing him in such a way.

"You see? It was worth it in the end. I don't regret risking my life......and I'd happily do it again if it means I win you..."

❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ────── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖

[diavolodigitale]

Dream Sequence. Asra

It is kind of surprising but I wrote all 3 stories about dreams in one day. Did I nearly lose my sanity in the process? Yes. Did it make me have a terrible migraine? Yes. Do I feel like it was worth it? Also probably pretty much yes. Hard to tell now, I don’t understand what is happening in real life anymore. 

All parts of the trilogy: Lucio - Asra - Julian - All stories in PDF

A part of the "trilogy" about dream encounters dedicated to Asra (because he is a cinnamon bun). Nothing special, just You (or the Apprentice, or the Reader, however you view it) and Asra spending some time together (if you know what I mean, which you probably don't, so go ahead and read it, it's pretty short, I promise). My character was male, but you are free to imagine whoever you want since there are no references to it in the text.

Genres: Romance, Fluff, Comfort, Dreams, POV First Person, One-shot, Light-hearted

Pairing: Asra/Apprentice(or Reader or You or Whatever)

Characters: Asra, Reader/Apprentice/You

Rating: G for Geez that’s another good story, how come?

Size: around 2500 words again

I open my eyes just to see that I am surrounded by white emptiness. As my eyes are adjusting to how bright everything around me looks, I am beginning to discern the line of the horizon that separates the cloudless greyish winter sky above from the frozen bluish ground under my feet.

It looks like it’s winter but it certainly doesn’t feel like one. I am dressed in my regular outfit and still no cold seems to penetrate my shirt and bite my skin underneath.

This must be a dream.

There seems to be nothing at all in front of me except for the vast emptiness and leagues and leagues of distance, so I turn around to investigate other directions.

Not far away from me I manage to spot a person sitting on a large round rock with their back turned to me. I realise that it’s probably his dream, not mine.

I approach, already knowing who the person is.

“Hello,” I say and put my hand on Asra’s shoulder, trying not to startle him.

“Oh, it’s you!” he says with delight in his voice and turns to face me. “Seeing you here is definitely a welcome surprise.”

Asra smiles and I take a seat beside him.

For some reason he is wearing an elegant snake mask. It is long and slender with the eyelids half-lowered, and really seems to accentuate the delicate features of his face. There’s nothing out of the ordinary with his clothes, so I decide to cast the strangeness aside as a result of this being a dream.

“I felt your presence some time ago but thought I was only imagining. How did you get here?” he asks, staring into the distance.

I shrug my shoulders. I really don’t know, but it’s not like there are many options here. Usually it’s all the same – either he gravitates towards me or I towards him. We’ve lived and worked together for so long that I feel like I can recognize his energy anywhere and anytime.

“Your magic must’ve brought me here,” I say, sneaking a glance at him.

Asra nods and it looks like he is smiling under his mask, but it’s hard to tell.

“You’re incredible, have I told you that?” he asks and turns to face me again.

“A few times, yes,” I say, a bit flustered at how straightforward he is. “But I can only locate you because your magic is so strong and vivid. I don’t even need to make any effort to find out where you are.”

“If you say so,” he says and laughs it off.

A cold gust of wind blows and makes a mess of his hair. I only assume that it’s cold, but I still cannot really feel much in this realm.

“Yet it won’t be long before you outgrow me,” adds Asra after a short pause, sounding a bit upset, “I’ll be looking forward to that moment.”

I notice how worried he sounds and cannot help but wonder what troubles him so much. He’s always been pretty open with me unless it came to some of the feelings he didn’t feel comfortable sharing.

I try to read the expression on his face, but the mask turns out to be a real hurdle, so I reach out to remove it.

“What are you doing?” asks Asra but doesn’t pull away from my hand.

“I feel frustrated when I look at your face and see this mask instead, so I wanted to help you take it off. May I?” I say apologetically, thinking that I should’ve asked before I actually tried.

“This mask…?” asks Asra in confusion and raises his hand to touch his face. His fingers find the plain surface of the mask instead of his skin, and he looks at me in surprise. “Yes… Sure, of course. I must look pretty strange with it, right?” he asks nervously and lets me remove the mask from his face.

I look at him attentively and notice that the tip of his nose as well as his lips are bluish. I frantically look down on his hands and note that they’re also much paler than usual and even seem to tremble.

“Are you cold?” I ask, scared and disappointed that I didn’t notice it earlier.

Before he manages to respond, I pull him into a tight hug with one hand and grab both of his shaking hands in the other one.

“Are you not?” he mumbles into my shoulder and gratefully nestles in my embrace.

“No, the cold doesn’t seem to affect me,” I say thoughtfully, stroking his hands with my thumb. I can feel his body gradually relaxing, washed by the warmth I radiate with a little help from my magic.

“Then this moment is even closer than I expected…” he almost whispers.

I still don’t exactly know the reason for his brooding but make an educated guess that he is yet again referring to me being more talented in magic than he expected. I can’t understand why it might be a bad thing and simply try to look for ways to cheer him up.

“If I grow stronger…” I start quietly, and he immediately turns his attentions to me, his wise eyes staring into mine, “will it be you who will be visiting my dreams then?”

He stares at me for a moment or two before letting out a soft chuckle and squeezing my hand.

“Only if you want me to. It’s not like there’s anything worth seeing in mine,” he responds, his smile fading a bit at the end.

“There’s nothing I would like more,” I say and feel like the tips of my ears are burning. “If it’s with you, though, I think I would agree to go anywhere.”

He’s been quite distant from me lately but I hope to change it. There’s no use guessing over his worries if he doesn’t want to tell me so I just hope I have enough determination and patience in me to show him that I’m not going to disappear anywhere any time soon.

My words seem to have hit the spot so Asra relaxes more and natural colour returns back to his face and hands. He makes a fluid movement with his hand and, suddenly, I see sparkling soft snow falling down on us. There’s no wind, so it just descends slowly and lands on Asra’s shoulders and head, getting lost in his white curls.  

I look at the intricate little snowflakes that got stuck in his eyelashes and make a sad face.

“I won’t be able to make anything this astonishing any time soon,” I say and pretend to be sullen about it.

Asra looks at me with a storm of unreadable emotions whirling in his eyes and smiles, raising both of my hands and intertwining our fingers.

“It’s not difficult,” he says in his best instructional tone and winks at me encouragingly. Previously he’s needed a lot of patience to teach me something but now he even seems to enjoy the process.

I nod, signalling that I am ready, and he begins coordinating my actions.

“You need to imagine the snow as carefully and accurately as you can, with all the possible details. Try to feel it’s texture under your fingers, hear the crunching and squeaking it makes when you walk on it.”

“What about some tender single snowflakes?” I ask playfully, fidgeting on my spot. I always feel excited when Asra teaches me something new.

Asra laughs and shakes his head.

“I’m afraid, if you’re going to imagine that, it will take us infinitely long to create even the tiniest snowfall. So, are you ready? Don’t worry, I will be here to help you and lend you some magic. Close your eyes and try to channel it,” he says patiently.

I squeeze his hands to make sure he is there beside me all the time and close my eyes. I try to imagine the tangible whiteness, soft and cold. How it feels on my skin, how it falls to the ground… but all of my thoughts are scattered after I get distracted by a soft and warm touch on my lips.

I open my eyes abruptly and stare at Asra. His face is as calm and kind as ever and a wonderful smile is blooming on it.

“It seems that you couldn’t concentrate hard enough. Don’t worry, take all the time you need. Go ahead and try again,” he says as if nothing happened, but I see him smiling with his eyes more than before, almost like he is observing something incredibly amusing to him.

I throw one more suspicious glance at Asra before closing my eyes again.

Snow. White snow squeaking under my feet as I go. Little white snowflakes stuck between Asra’s eyelashes.  

I feel another touch of his delicate lips, this time prolonged and more insistent. I do my best to keep my eyes shut, but it doesn’t really help me concentrate and I still cannot gather my thoughts. Straining myself as hard as I can, I squeeze Asra’s hands. I feel him pulling me closer and putting my hands on his shoulders. There’re already little piles of snow there so I quickly sweep it all away and throw my hands around his neck. I don’t want to start over again so don’t dare opening my eyes.

I feel Asra’s hands gently resting on the small of my back and I don’t mind it at all. They’re not cold anymore, so I want to enjoy his touch as much as I can. I feel his curls tickling my face and, reflexively, wrinkle up my nose.

I hear Asra’s melodious and vibrating laughter and move towards the sound to give him an awkward kiss somewhere on the corner of his mouth. He kisses me a few times in return before I finally decide to open my eyes.

Having gotten used to the dark, I have to squint for my eyes not to hurt so much because of all the whiteness. The only thing that fits into my limited field of view is Asra’s face adorned with one of his most charming smiles.

“Well, it seems like you will need some more practice with that,” he says lively.

I feel a few tangled snowflakes landing onto my cheek and my first instinct is to shake them off, but before I can do anything, Asra reaches with his finger and gets rid of them, leaving his hand lingering on my face.

I move my hands up and cup his face as well. He looks so warm and shining to me, so overflown with magic that his body cannot contain it and it escapes, changing everything around him. He is captivating, and I cannot force myself to take my eyes off him.

We don’t sit like that for long because soon Asra becomes jittery and suddenly tugs on my sleeve.

“Come, and let us explore!” he says, and gets up from the rock.

“But there’s nothing…” I want to say but stop before I am able to finish my sentence. I blink once, and there is a whole new mountain towering in the distance. I blink twice, and a dense forest, starting not far from us, is already covering its slopes. Everything’s under a thick blanket of snow, but I can clearly see a gleam of magical visions hidden in the depth of the forest.

Asra gives me a conspiratorial wink and I decide to follow his lead and stand up. Happy to see that I want to join him, he makes a few hasty steps in the direction of the forest and I try to follow him, but there’s one thing I have completely forgotten about.

Though the ground below is not cold, it’s still icy and slippery so instead of moving forward, I awkwardly twitch and fall back, wildly flailing my arms around. Asra makes an attempt to prevent me from falling, but I’m gripping his hand so tightly and pulling so abruptly that it makes him lose his fragile balance and he ends up heavily landing beside me.

“Oh my, I’m so sorry! Are you alright?” I ask hastily and rush to him on my knees.

He blinks a few times and a couple of chuckles escape his lips. Before I know it, he’s already burst into laughter, lying flat on his back.

My tail-bone hurts from the fall so I hold onto it and stare at him, confused but somehow also pleased and glad. Asra’s cheeks are red and I suspect that mine are as well.

When he is able to overcome his fit of laughter, he covers his eyes with one hand, preventing the newly emerged sun from blinding him, and looks at me, his eyes still smiling.

“Let’s not make haste anymore,” he says to me.

“Let’s not,” I agree, “after all, we have all the time in the world.”

Asra looks at me without saying anything, and for a moment I am worried I cannot read the expression on his face. He, however, decides not to give me much time to consider it and pulls me down and into a deep kiss.

I try to steady myself but my hands keep sliding apart on the icy surface. It is horrendously uncomfortable and I feel that I won’t be able sit like this for long, but he makes me feel like being so desired and cherished by him is totally worth the inconveniences.

When I finally move away, desperately grasping for air, he looks awfully satisfied.

I don’t know what to occupy myself with after such an interaction so I direct my gaze at the marvellous forest stretching before us, attempting to escape Asra’s attentive glance.

“You did such an incredible job with this place… I am simply in love,” I mutter under my breath.

I feel Asra’s eyes staring, practically piercing me, and turn to look at him, trying to understand what is happening.

“I know how you feel,” he just says and smiles mysteriously. I feel like I would give everything I have to know what is on his mind right now.

Not receiving any reaction from me, Asra stands up and shakes off small particles of ice and snow from his clothing.

“Shall we?” he says and offers me his hand.

“Of course,” I say and accept, embarrassed by my helplessness.

He lands a kiss on my hand and smiles with content.

“There are so many things I want to show you here, where do we even start…” he says thoughtfully, staring in the distance.

I shrug, letting him make the final decision.

Before we depart, I look back at the mask lying abandoned and forgotten on the ground. I don’t think we will be taking it with us.

[melanielocke]

Conceal don't Feel - Two

Love is an Open Door

Taglist: @alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised @alastair-appreciation-month @writeordie-4 @amchara

AO3

Previous chapter: One: Do You Wanna Build a Snowman

Next chapter: For the First Time in Forever (to be posted)

Cordelia had never been so disappointed in her entire life. She’d been promised a guest, someone closer to her and Alastair’s age, someone who could end her days of loneliness and be her friend. Father had told her about it himself on one of his better days, he’d invited someone of her generation to come help Alastair. She knew the guest would be there mainly for her brother, of course, but Alastair hated being around people and she was sure whoever the guest was would have plenty of time to spend with her instead. She’d longed for someone to end her loneliness for such a long time she had started fantasizing about the person who would be staying until she’d gotten some admittedly unrealistic expectations. Instead, Charles Fairchild had arrived.

He wasn’t as close to her age as had been promised. Instead, he was eight years older than her, which she guessed was technically her generation, but he found himself far too mature to spend time with silly little girls like her. Not to mention, of course, that he was here for Alastair, and Alastair alone. With Father sick so often and Mother filling in, Alastair needed someone to teach him how to be a king. Somehow, her brother tolerated Charles’ presence whereas he still told Cordelia to go away and leave him alone whenever she approached him. After a few weeks she learned Charles had a younger brother around Cordelia’s age, but of course he hadn’t been invited.

With a groan, she returned to her practice with cortana. It was all she had these days, all she cared about. Even if she was all alone and her brother had barely spoken to her in years, she had been gifted the family sword, both a great honor and responsibility. She wondered sometimes why Alastair had chosen to gift her cortana, as it was tradition the sword went to the heir to the throne.

‘I knew it was important to you,’ was all he’d said when she’d asked, but for Cordelia that wasn’t a satisfactory answer. Giving her a powerful sword that was rightfully his because he knew it was important to her implied he loved her, yet nothing else Alastair did or said showed he even cared about her a little bit. If he loved her, he would spend time with her, not hide in his room and yell at her to go away.

Nowadays, he would only ever spend times with Charles, because of course while Cordelia wasn’t good enough for him, Charles was everything. They deserved each other, Cordelia had decided. They were both boring and stupid and could only ever talk about politics. The only time Charles paid Cordelia any mind was when he told her a princess shouldn’t be eating so much chocolate and maybe she should try losing some weight. He had a point, princesses were supposed to be slim and small and Cordelia wasn’t, but he didn’t have to be so rude about it. She didn’t understand why Alastair followed Charles around like some lost puppy. He used to shut the world out, and it seemed like he’d opened the door, but right after Charles had entered it had shut down with full force once more.

She wished she could let it go, and forget about her brother, but she couldn’t. She still remembered the fun they used to have when they were little, how he’d looked out for her and helped her build the most amazing snowmen. It had all happened so sudden, one day they were playing in the snow together, the next he wouldn’t leave his room and refused to even speak to her. Perhaps there was an explanation, something that would make it all make sense. But then why was Charles the exception, and what did Alastair see in him?

***

When Charles arrived in Arendelle, Alastair redoubled his resolve to get this power under control, to never let it show. Letting Thomas see had been a mistake. He’d trusted Thomas, had cared for him, and now they would never see each other again and how could he be sure Thomas hadn’t shared his secret? He had no reason to assume Charles would even accept the way he was. He could never know.

‘The palace of Arendelle is beautiful,’ Charles said. ‘A different style from the palace of the southern isles. Not that that is still in use, it has been turned into a museum. A real shame.’

Charles made no effort to hide the disdain in his voice as he said the word museum.

‘Why?’ Alastair asked.

‘Because there’s no monarchy anymore,’ Charles said. ‘My mother was the Queen of the Southern Isles until two years ago. She ended the monarchy and was elected as president instead. She thought it unfitting for an elected leader to live in a grand palace, so she decided it should be a museum instead to preserve our country’s history.’

Alastair stared at Charles with wide eyes. ‘That’s a possibility? I could just end the monarchy and have elections for a leader? And whoever has good ideas on how to improve the country could just sign up?’

He imagined all sorts of people would be willing to give it a try, and Alastair had never wanted the throne anyway. He had no idea how he’d be king and meet with cabinet members and foreign officials and never show the ice that rested inside of him.

Charles chuckled, as if he’d just said something ridiculous.

‘Perhaps not,’ he said quietly, already feeling stupid.

‘Being a Crown Prince is an honor, Alastair, a great privilege. Who in their right mind would give that up? Why would you not want to be king?’

Alastair sighed. ‘I guess you’re right. It’s just a lot of responsibility, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.’

‘That’s alright. That’s why I’m here. I might not be a prince anymore, but I have a lot of experience being one and later I helped with my mother’s presidential campaign and presidency. I know how to run a country.’

His friendship with Charles might have been a bit rocky at first, but Alastair soon learnt to trust him more. It was a bit like with Thomas, when Charles was near Alastair felt calmer and could control the ice.

Charles was knowledgeable and took his time to educate Alastair on everything he thought was important for a future king. He was often willing to make time for Alastair, even when it was not convenient for him, and Alastair thought as long as Charles was here, everything was going to be alright.

‘What will you do, when you return to the southern isles?’ Alastair asked him one day.

‘Run for president myself,’ Charles said. ‘It’s not the same as being king, but there’s still much good I can do for the southern isles. My mother has done a good job, but I fear she is too sentimental. I can make my country strong again, that is all I ever wanted.

Don’t worry, I won’t be leaving anytime soon. You still need plenty of my help, and I think together we can set up some better trade routes, build an alliance and find new ways in which we can help each other. I think both Arendelle and the Southern Isles could benefit from a closer relationship.’

Alastair was intrigued. Alliances with foreign kingdoms were what he feared the most of being king. He wasn’t charming, too blunt and straight forward to flatter, but perhaps with Charles he could get started on a good alliance without those skills. ‘Of course. Whatever you need.’

***

Cordelia was beyond excited. Alastair had asked her to join him for a picnic on the palace grounds this afternoon. This would be her chance to get her brother back and a picnic was a decent start. Perhaps someday coming winter they could build a snowman again. Cordelia firmly believed you were never too old to build a snowman.

She picked out her nicest dress, eternally grateful it still fit as she was always growing out of her clothes, and went out to meet Alastair in the gardens. For once he wasn’t with Charles, which was nice because Cordelia did not want to talk about politics all afternoon. She had more important things to discuss.

‘I’m glad you came,’ Alastair said.

He was tense, Cordelia could tell. It was hard to read his moods with Alastair, he rarely showed any emotion, but she had learnt to recognize the slight tension in his shoulders, his stiff demeanor, as if he was forcing himself to speak. She wondered why he would be tense.

‘Of course I came,’ Cordelia said. ‘As far as I know you’re still my only brother.’

‘I’m sorry, for the past years,’ Alastair said. ‘I know you must have been very alone.’

Cordelia nodded. ‘Yes. I know you have to study and prepare for being king and all, but why can’t we at least open the gates every once in a while? Maybe invite some girls my age, or even Charles’ younger brother?’

She knew spending a lot of time with a boy her age would be considered inappropriate, but that was still preferable to keeping the company of the portraits on the wall. She had so little experience with social interaction she didn’t even know how to speak to someone her age, and Father expected her to get married when she was older. How was she supposed to do that when she never met anyone? There was no way she was marrying Charles.

‘I’m sorry,’ Alastair said quietly. ‘We can’t do that.’

‘Father could invite Charles,’ Cordelia protested. ‘Surely we can invite someone else. I still don’t have a lady in waiting.’

‘That’ll have to wait, Layla. I’m sorry. I wish it were different.’

Alastair had called her Layla since she was a little girl, after a girl in a story their mother used to tell them, and it was a bit of a weak spot of hers. Still, she was determined not to let it go, because nothing Alastair said made any sense.

‘But why?’ Cordelia asked. ‘What are you so afraid of?’

‘I’m not afraid of anything,’ Alastair bit at her.

There was that temper she remembered from his childhood. It was good to see he still felt anything at all, but Cordelia did not want to make him angry the first time she’d spoken to him in years. Perhaps she should be a little more tactful about this instead of forcing answers out of him. One thing she knew for sure though, there was something Alastair knew and she didn’t. Perhaps more than one thing, Alastair always seemed to know much more than he let on. It was infuriating.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said and she hoped he would believe her apology was sincere. ‘I just wish I could have friends too.’

‘Maybe when you’re older,’ Alastair said. ‘I’ll do what I can, alright? But no promises.’

Cordelia decided to accept that for now. ‘Your life must have been very boring too. I mean, you have company, but it’s Charles. That might actually be worse than being alone.’

Alastair rolled his eyes. ‘He’s not boring. He’s a politician, and a very good one. He knows everything there is about being king, even if he won’t be one himself anymore. It is very generous of him to come here and help me.’

Cordelia made a face. ‘I don’t like him. Most of the time he ignores me, which honestly is fine, but he also tells me I eat way too much chocolate and need to lose weight.’

Her weight had become a bit of an insecurity lately. She was at the end of her growth spurt and quite tall, which she liked, she was even taller than Alastair, but while she’d stopped growing in length, she kept getting wider and had to throw out dresses all the time. Her mother had told her this was normal for girls her age, but Cordelia was pretty sure most girls her age were much thinner than she was, and princesses were expected to be small and skinny.

If Charles was to be believed, it was because of all the sweets she ate, and reminding her of it was hurtful, not to mention he was always rude and condescending about it, as if she couldn’t possibly know what was good for her.

‘I’m sorry, I’ll ask him not to bother you,’ Alastair promised. ‘But I really need him here, alright? I will be king one day, and I desperately need his help.’

Cordelia snorted. ‘Maybe if you wanted to learn how to be a better king, you could actually go outside and spend time with the people of Arendelle instead of hiding here in the castle.’

‘That’s not possible,’ Alastair said stiffly.

He was worried. Cordelia couldn’t tell what it was, but she was determined to find out.

‘Are you scared to leave the palace?’ Cordelia asked. ‘I read a book some time back about someone who was scared to leave their house. It was very intriguing.’

‘I’m not scared, Cordelia,’ Alastair hissed, but something about his stiff mannerism revealed otherwise.

She nodded. ‘Alright, so you have a fear of going outside like that character in the book. Maybe there’s a doctor somewhere who can help you overcome your fear since I have no idea how it’s done and I imagine dragging you outside might make it worse. But that’s alright, I could go out and into the city for you and report back what I learn. We could be a great team, like we used to be.’

‘No, Cordelia, that’s not… I’m not afraid.’ He stopped abruptly, twisting his fingers together.

Alastair was wearing a pair of fancy black gloves. Now that she noticed, he always wore gloves. Perhaps if he was scared of going outside, he was also scared of dirt? The palace was cleaned, of course, but some rooms weren’t cleaned as often because of the limited staff and would collect dust. She did remember her brother had always been rather neat, that had to be it.

‘We’re done here,’ Alastair said. ‘Goodbye.’

He stood up and walked away. They hadn’t even eaten anything yet. Cordelia ran after him.

‘Where are you going?’

‘Back inside. I changed my mind, I don’t want to have a picnic with you.’

Cordelia didn’t understand. He’d invited her, he’d wanted to spend time with her. Had she done something wrong to change his mind? It didn’t make any sense, she might have been a little pushy, but he had to understand it was for his own good, right?

‘Why? Am I suddenly not good enough for you anymore?’ Cordelia yelled, grabbing his shoulder.

‘Leave me alone, Cordelia,’ Alastair hissed. ‘I mean it.’

Cordelia was taken back by the sudden vehemence in his voice.

‘Fine, go back inside to stupid Charles and his stupid lessons!’ she yelled after him as he walked inside.

He didn’t look back, not even once. As if she was nothing. Great, that was her one chance to win back her brother, to improve her situation here somewhat. Now she had no idea what to do.

She returned to the picnic site and collapsed onto the blanket she’d laid out for the two of them. She stuffed some chocolate into her mouth. Chocolate she’d specifically requested for Alastair, because she knew he liked anything sweet, and loved chocolate most of all. Cordelia did too, curse stupid Charles and his stupid comments about her eating habits. She was the princess, she could eat as much chocolate as she wanted. She needed some way to cope with being alone all the time and if Charles thought it was bad for her maybe he should go find her a friend. As it was, she returned to days of loneliness and practicing with cortana. What else was she supposed to do?

***

‘Your father didn’t show up to our meeting again,’ Charles said. ‘We were supposed to discuss your progress weekly, but most of the time he isn’t there. Do you know if he’s alright?’

‘He’s just sick,’ Alastair said, terrified Charles would find out about his father’s drinking. ‘No one knows what’s wrong with him, but it’s been getting worse. Mother has taken over most of his tasks so he can rest. Thanks to you, I can start helping out too. I’ve been working on my correspondence, and I was wondering if you could double check my letter to the Duke of Weselton?’

Charles nodded. ‘I’ll look at your letter. I am sorry to hear about your father’s illness, Alastair, I know it’s been hard on you. How’s your sister under all this?’

Alastair sighed. A couple of months ago, he’d thought he was making progress. Around Charles he felt so much better, he felt as if the ice wasn’t even there unless he called for it. He had thought maybe he could give his sister another chance and he’d invited her to a picnic. If everything had gone well and he’d felt in control around her, he could have told her the truth there, and show her what he was capable of. But when he’d met with Cordelia, everything came back in full force and he’d have to fight with every bit of his willpower to repress his fear and keep the ice inside of him. Cordelia was still mad about his sudden departure, but he’d had no other choice if he wanted to keep her safe. When he’d gotten back to his bedroom, he’d lost control and caused a snowstorm. While he thought his control had improved since Charles had come, the size of any outburst that slipped through had grown.

He was lucky Cordelia hadn’t seen it and at least now that Father was drunk all the time, he wouldn’t notice and put Alastair in chains. He knew it was all his fault though, his father wouldn’t have started drinking if it weren’t for him.

‘I think it’s difficult for her,’ Alastair said. ‘She mentioned you made some comments about her eating habits the other day. I know you mean well, but she doesn’t like it.’

‘I’m just concerned for her. It’s unhealthy to eat so much chocolate,’ Charles insisted. ‘She’ll thank me when she doesn’t have to throw out another of her custom made gowns.’

Alastair didn’t think it was fair to shame her for growing out of clothes when he did the same. He’d started his growth spurt lately and most of his suits had become too short. They weren’t thrown away either, they were sold second hand, as were Cordelia’s old gowns.

‘I think she’s insecure about how she looks,’ Alastair said. ‘And she has plenty to worry about, I don’t think she should be worrying about her weight on top of that. Your comments aren’t helping her.’

He didn’t understand why his control was so much worse around Cordelia. A long time ago, he’d hurt her, and he was terrified it would happen again. Perhaps that was different with Charles. With Charles he could not feel, like he was supposed to.

The problem, of course, was that with Charles he did feel. Just like he had with Thomas. It had not appeared as fast as it had with Thomas, but it was so much stronger now that he’d gotten to know Charles, had spent nearly a year with him.

He wanted Charles. Loved him, even. Alastair didn’t understand why he felt this way. Years ago, he’d met his cousin Jem who’d told him how he loved both Will and Tessa romantically. Alastair couldn’t imagine loving more than one person at the same time, nor could he imagine loving a woman, but perhaps some men longed for the love of other men instead of women.

Perhaps being in love was what calmed his moods, as long as he wasn’t scared. Right now, he wasn’t, not yet. He knew it was unlikely Charles felt the same way. That was alright, because he still wanted to be near him and then everything would be fine.

‘You know, I always found it unusual how empty this castle is,’ Charles said one day. ‘No one else ever stays, your parents always travel to meet foreign leaders and never invite anyone over. There aren’t half as many cleaners and servants as there were in my old palace.’

‘We minimized the staff,’ Alastair said. ‘It seems wasteful to spend money on staff when that could be spent on improving the kingdom.’

‘You don’t even have friends,’ Charles said. ‘No other noblemen visit, ever. You don’t have any companions, nor a page. You sleep alone. It’s odd.’

Alastair frowned. ‘How is it odd that I sleep alone?’

‘When I was still a prince, I had a page. A boy around my age, who shared my bed at night. It was normal at home, for noblemen and women to have a page or lady in waiting share their bed. A good way to make sure your virtue remains intact and you do not share your bed with a woman you are not married to.’

Alastair wasn’t sure that would be effective. Who was to say nothing improper happened between the nobleman and the person who shared their bed?

‘There’s no one here I could lose my virtue to,’ Alastair said. ‘But I know what you mean, my mother does share her bed with Risa, her lady in waiting. My father doesn’t though, he sleeps alone.’

No one could find out he was a drunk. No one would believe in him as a king anymore, and therefore it was up to Alastair to keep anyone from finding out, just like he had to keep everyone from finding out about the ice inside of him.

‘I imagine you don’t have a page anymore at home?’ Alastair asked.

‘We had a fall out shortly before my mother gave up the crown,’ Charles said in a tone that indicated he did not want to talk about it.

Charles did not bring the topic up again for some time, not until he was complaining about his younger brother one day.

‘He’s been campaigning for the right for men to love other men,’ Charles said with a sigh. ‘And for women to love women. Here I was thinking he’d never give up on being silly and going out partying, but this is worse.’

Alastair tilted his head. ‘Why? Is he not fighting for a good cause?’

‘He will make everything much harder for me, for our family,’ Charles said. ‘People are shunning him, of course. They’re wondering, why is he campaigning for this, what does it mean about him? And my brother does not have the good sense to hide he likes both men and women.’

So Charles’ brother was like his cousin Jem, then? Alastair had not met Matthew Fairchild, but it was difficult to hear Charles talk like this. He felt a familiar tingling in his fingers, a warning he might lose control. Something he had not yet felt around Charles.

‘That is very brave of him,’ Alastair said.

‘I prefer to think of it as foolish,’ Charles said. ‘The people won’t accept him, he won’t change a thing. He’ll just make everything harder for himself, and for me. People will watch us more closely. No one batted an eye when Daniel, my former page, shared my bed for years.’

Alastair gasped. ‘You mean to say you love men?’

‘Unfortunately I do. It’s not easy for someone like me. I have to keep it a secret, or I risk losing everything. No one would vote for a man like me to be president. But with the proper precautions, I’ve been quite successful at hiding my affections and desires while still indulging in them. I wish my brother understood that.’

Alastair put his hand on Charles’ and felt the tingling fade. It wasn’t gone, not entirely, but he wouldn’t lose control. ‘Does your brother know about you?’

‘No. I never wanted him to. You’re the first person I’ve told after Daniel, I know I can trust you to keep my secret.’

Alastair felt special to be entrusted with such a secret, and could it mean Charles returned his feelings? Had Charles told him because he hoped Alastair might want to be with him?

‘When I’m king, I will do what your brother has been campaigning for, I will change the laws and allow two men or two women to be together,’ Alastair promised. ‘Get married, even.’

Charles waved his hand dismissively. ‘Don’t be silly, Alastair.’

His heart sank, the tingling increased. He had to tell Charles about his affections, or else everything would become snow and ice.

‘But I’m like you,’ Alastair said. ‘I like men. And I don’t want to hide forever. What’s even the point in being king if I can’t change such things?’

‘They’ll cast you out, Alastair,’ Charles said. ‘Don’t waste your birthright on something the people will never accept. Best to keep your affections a secret. You’re a prince, you can pick any boy you like to be your page or companion and share your bed. No one would suspect a thing.’

Charles put his hand on Alastair’s shoulder, a bit too long for it to be called friendly, right?

‘What about you?’ Alastair asked. ‘I feel choosing a page to be my love would be unfair. Like, would he even get a say in that? It wouldn’t be like that with you.’

Charles smiled and cupped his cheek with his hand. It was smooth, the hand of someone who had not done manual labor. ‘You’re in love with me, aren’t you?’ he said, his voice gentle.

Alastair rubbed his hands together, forcing the tingling to stop. He felt frost underneath his gloves, but it was still hidden. Conceal, don’t feel.

‘Yes,’ he whispered.

‘I suspected as much,’ Charles said. ‘I like you too, Alastair. You’re smart and beautiful, and you will be a great king someday. But this has to be a secret. You understand that, don’t you? I will be with you, but only as long as you can keep your affections concealed.’

Alastair nodded. ‘Of course.’

Then Charles kissed him, and it was like fire, a sudden heat that melted his frozen heart, that stopped the tingling in his fingers, that calmed the storm inside of him. Perhaps love was the answer after all.

Alastair and Charles explored much more than just kissing together. Charles came to share his bed, claiming it was improper how Alastair slept alone all night. No one suspected a thing, but then of course, there was no one who could suspect. It was the first time in years where Alastair felt he might be happy. Even if he was still too dangerous to be around his sister. He tried once more. No promises this time, he just sought her out in her room to see if they could talk. The storm returned almost immediately and Alastair realized his sister would never be safe if he went near her. The only one he could be around was Charles.

It was amazing at first. Long nights together, Charles touching him, making love to him. He’d never known being touched by someone could feel so good, nor that it would melt the ice inside his heart. Charles knew exactly what he was doing and what he wanted, and Alastair was happy to oblige.

It was wonderful outside of the bedroom too. He loved how Charles would gently touch his shoulder, his wrist as he guided him through their lessons. But it didn’t take long for the secrecy of it all to start to weigh on him. Charles’ younger brother had fled farther south for his own safety, confirming Charles’ beliefs it was better to keep their love a secret. Alastair was scared the same might happen to him, but what could possibly be worse than people finding out he was a monster with ice in his heart?

Perhaps it would be better to leave, to flee into the woods and snow touched mountains and make his home there. The cold didn’t bother him, he would survive. But Charles could not come with him there, and so he stayed. Even while Charles mocked his ideas, told him he was still too young to understand what it was to rule a kingdom and treated him like was a child despite being old enough to be Charles’ lover.

Once he’d been in control around Charles, but not anymore. He wasn’t sure why it had gotten worse, why he was so scared Charles would leave him, that he wasn’t good enough anymore. He redoubled his resolve, made sure to read everything Charles asked him to, be everything his lover needed him to be. Charles was all he had, he didn’t think he could survive being abandoned. They stayed like this for several years. Alastair never took his gloves, not even when they had sex, and never explained why. Charles thought it was odd, but had come to accept it.

Even when he lost control, the gloves kept it in for a little longer, offered a bit of protection, and the time to get away before the storm began. Whenever he didn’t trust himself anymore, he went to his own private bathroom, a place even Charles wasn’t allowed to enter. Now that Charles shared his bed, his bedroom wasn’t a safe place to lose control anymore and he couldn’t exactly ask Charles to leave. So instead, this bathroom had frozen several times over, and whenever he was going to lose control he just told Charles he needed to use the bathroom. At this point, all the pipes had broken, so nothing could be used, but everything had been cut off from the water network long ago and his outbursts didn’t affect the other bathrooms. Charles had not uncovered his secret, and although it was difficult to keep it from him, it was for the best.

***

Cordelia took her father’s hand. ‘Where are you going? Are you sure you’re well enough to travel?’

‘I’m feeling much better, Cordelia dear,’ he said with a smile. ‘Don’t worry about me. I’ll be back before you know it.’

Cordelia wasn’t sure where exactly her parents would be traveling. It wasn’t the first time he left, of course, to meet with foreign nobles, but this time he would be going on a much longer journey, and it had been a while since he’d traveled anywhere. He’d been too sick and Mother had written letters to keep up relations instead.

‘Can’t I come with you?’ Cordelia asked.

‘Not this time,’ her father said. ‘But I promise on my next journey you can come with me. It’s almost time for you to be presented to the world. But this is something I have to do myself, I’m afraid.’

The idea of being presented to the world sounded good, but perhaps that would be a bit much all at once. Perhaps it would be nicer to start with a smaller group of people who could be her friends.

‘What if the people won’t like me?’ Cordelia asked.

‘Of course they will. You are beautiful, compassionate and nurturing, what’s not to like?’

Cordelia could always count on her father to tell her she was beautiful, even if not long ago she’d had to throw out nearly all of her gowns because she’d gained too much weight to fit into them.

���I’ll still be here, azizam,’ her mother said, which surprised her.

‘Oh, I thought you were going too,’ Cordelia said.

‘I was, but Alastair insisted he was not ready to take over while I was gone and needed me to stay,’ her mother explained. ‘I know that’s not true and Alastair is more than ready, but I thought staying would put his mind at ease.’

Cordelia supposed that should make her less lonely, but her mother spent all her time on filling in for her father and she wasn’t sure where that left her. She knew everyone was keeping something from her, but she couldn’t figure out what and it was frustrating. She’d tried asking her father, who had told her not to worry, that everything would be alright in the end. Then she’d asked her mother, who’d told her that her brother was going through a difficult time, without offering any explanation. Apparently, boys his age often went through times like this, except in Alastair’s case that had been years now. Not that Cordelia knew any other boys Alastair’s age to compare his behavior to, but that was hardly her fault.

It turned out her father wasn’t back before she knew it. It took months to even get word from him. Of course, it was a long journey by ship and it made sense they did not hear anything at first, but after a couple of months Cordelia began to worry. They should have heard something by now, what could have become of him?

‘He’ll be alright, Cordelia,’ her mother had said. ‘We’ll hear from him soon enough. He must have decided to stay longer than intended and it would take time for a letter to reach us.’

But Cordelia could tell her mother was worried too, more so with every passing day during which they did not hear from Elias. Several months after he’d first left, a messenger came.

‘I am terribly sorry to bring you this news, Your Majesty,’ the messenger said, addressing her mother. ‘The King’s ship went down in the southern seas. There were no survivors.’

Cordelia had been in shock at first. Then she’d burst into tears. Mother had cried too, although a bit more concealed. Alastair though, had not shown a thing. He’d taken the news quietly, asked a few questions, and then retreated to his room. As if he didn’t feel a thing, as if he didn’t care.

The funeral was a quiet ceremony, and Alastair didn’t attend. She had been forced to ask Charles where he was and why he hadn’t come to his own father’s funeral. Charles didn’t know the answer either, said something about Alastair being upset and indisposed, but she could tell it didn’t make sense to him either.

Determined not to let him slip away from her like he always did, she went to his room after the funeral, knocking on the door. No response. When she was younger, Alastair would yell at her to go away, he would get angry that she had the nerve to bother him. As awful as that was, his silence was worse.

‘Please, Alastair,’ she said. ‘I know you’re in there. I don’t know why you didn’t come to the funeral, and maybe it was just too hard… But people asked about you, where you’ve been. And I want to be there for you. Just let me in, and we can talk about.’

‘Leave me alone, Cordelia!’ she heard from the other side of the door. He didn’t open it. ‘I don’t care Father is dead, that’s why I didn’t go the funeral. You shouldn’t either.’

It was not the answer she’d expected, although it wasn’t the first time it had seemed like Alastair did not love Father. Sometimes she wondered if Alastair could feel anything at all. She guessed not. There was ice inside his heart, and Cordelia did not know how to reach him anymore. Perhaps it didn’t matter.

With Father gone, her mother was Queen-Regent for now, taking on all of Father’s duties with some help from Alastair here and there until his coronation. Her mother was pregnant, and Cordelia didn’t think it would be good for her to spend so much time working while expecting a child. At least the pregnancy meant that once the baby was here, she would have someone to play with.

In four months, Alastair would turn twenty one and would be crowned king. He only ever spent time preparing for his coronation and his reign, Charles always hovering around him. It was impossible to catch him alone.

Of course, a coronation brought opportunities. Alastair couldn’t be crowned in a small, private ceremony, people from all over the country and even beyond would be invited. Cordelia would finally have a chance to meet actual real life people.

***

Alastair did not attend his father’s funeral. He’d expected knowing his father was gone would bring relief. No more hiding the empty bottles, no more covering up his sickness. No risk Cordelia would find out. Most of all, no risk Father would decide he was too dangerous and would chain him in the dungeons. He had never forgotten that day and even now he still had nightmares. Father had always been cruel to him, and he thought his death would set Alastair free. Instead, he felt empty, he felt a horrible guilt for hating a man who was now dead. He felt the snow and ice tingling against his fingers, seeking release. He pushed it back down with all he had. Conceal, don’t feel, that was what his father had taught him. No emotion, push it all down. Alright then, he would not feel. He would not mourn Father, would not care that he was gone. He would not attend the funeral and pay his respects, it was too dangerous anyway, and Father did not deserve that.

He knew people would ask why, where he’d been, and he made something up about being too sick and overcome with grief to attend. It was a lie. Even without the risk of exposing his ice, he would not have wanted to attend. He hated his father, and he couldn’t bear to listen to people speak on what a great king he’d been. Worse, what a great father he’d been. And there was no one he could talk to. Charles didn’t know what Father was really like, he believed in the lie of his illness. Cordelia was the same, worse even, for she adored Father, she always had. He’d considered telling her the truth, but that would be selfish. It would break her heart, and for what? And Mother had loved Father. Now that he was gone, she wanted to remember the good parts. She was having another baby, and was devastated the baby would never meet his father. Lucky child, he thought. That almost sounded like he resented the baby for getting the safe and carefree childhood he had never had, but that wasn’t true. He was almost glad Father was gone for their sake, and he hoped the baby would grow up happy and loved and protected, even if Alastair could provide none of that himself. It was too dangerous and he would never forgive himself if anything happened to the baby because of him.

***

‘Alastair, are you in there?’

No response. Sona had gotten used to that at this point. She had grown more worried every day. Alastair was to be king in a couple of months, but he had barely left his private quarters since Elias’ death. The only person he spoke to was Charles, and even then Charles had confided in her that he felt Alastair pull away from him. That he wasn’t sure Alastair was ready to be king.

She’d thought, perhaps, as his mother she could reach him. Charles didn’t know about the ice despite them being very close. But with her and Cordelia, all Alastair did was push them away.

He had seemed happy, at least, when she’d told him of her pregnancy, excited to meet the new baby. Mostly, he’d been terrified though and Sona thought perhaps Alastair was scared he’d hurt the baby. She didn’t know what to do anymore. She had to protect her baby, of course, but Alastair was her child too and she didn’t know how to reach him.

Sona knocked on the bedroom door once more. He couldn’t hide in there forever. It was Charles who opened, wearing a dressing robe. Sona knew Charles had been sleeping in Alastair’s bedroom for the past years. It was a way, apparently, to make sure Alastair’s virtue was intact for marriage. Not that Alastair had shown any interest in getting married and with his ice, Sona feared it was too dangerous. She wasn’t sure how Alastair had managed to keep his ice from Charles while sharing a bed, but that was impressive, right?

It pained her, she wanted nothing more than for Alastair to be happy, but she didn’t know how. She’d considered going back to Tessa, had asked Elias to reconsider, but he’d refused. ‘Alastair belongs here,’ Elias used to say. ‘That witch will only take him away from us.’

And now he was to be crowned king and it was too late. At least Charles had been good for him, right? Sona had noticed the way Alastair lit up around Charles, the way he seemed so eager to please him.

‘Your Majesty,’ Charles addressed her. ‘If I knew you were coming, I would have dressed for the occasion.’

‘I am sorry,’ Sona said. ‘Did I wake you? I didn’t realize you tucked in early, I’ve always been a late sleeper myself. I was just looking for Alastair, is he here?’

‘No, he must have left when I was asleep. Usually he goes to the bathroom, his own private one. Even I am not allowed in there. He’s very attached to his privacy.’

Sona knew about the bathroom, the place he went to when he lost control. It was good for him to have such a place right? Somewhere it didn’t matter if the ice became too much for him, because no one would get hurt.

Sona forced a smile. ‘Thank you Charles. I think I’ll look for him there.’

‘I don’t think he’d like that.’

‘He’s my son, and I am worried about him.’

‘He’s been showing progress in his lessons lately,’ Charles said. ‘I do not think you have to worry.’

Sona just nodded, and closed the door. Charles was smart, responsible, and he knew politics, but sometimes she felt he didn’t know Alastair, didn’t understand him. Risa hated Charles, acted as if he’d stolen Alastair away from them, but Sona felt that was a bit too simplistic. It was a difficult situation for everyone, and they were all doing the best they could. Alastair had chosen to spend his time around Charles, and if that was what made him feel better, who was she to judge?

Sona knocked on the bathroom door. No response.

‘Alastair, I’m coming in!’ she called.

She didn’t like invading his privacy, but at least he’d be forced to acknowledge he was in there if he wanted to stop her. He didn’t say anything. Perhaps he wasn’t in the bathroom after all, but it couldn’t hurt to check.

She pulled on the door handle. It wouldn’t budge. Had Alastair locked himself in there? When she pulled a little harder, it broke open and Sona realized why she’d been unable to open the door. It was frozen. Everything in the bathroom was frozen, about half a meter of snow lying on the floor. It was a good thing the door opened to the outside, or she would not have gotten it open at all.

Alastair was lying on the snow, covered in a thin summer blanket. The cold had never bothered him, but he had always liked to hold a blanket when he slept. When he was little, he would sleep with a thin summer blanket in the coldest days of winter, perfectly content.

Should she wake him? He seemed peaceful, at least, now that he was asleep. But he had lost control in here before falling asleep, and she wanted to know what had happened. He hadn’t responded well to his father’s death, and she knew Elias and Alastair had never had the best relationship, but instead of grieving with her and Cordelia, he’d shut them out even more. Sona didn’t think he was alright.

Before she could make a decision, Alastair opened his eyes and pushed himself into a sitting position. Sona wrapped her arms around herself, it was freezing cold in here. That couldn’t be good for the baby, but she was determined to talk to her son.

‘What happened, azizam?’ she asked.

‘I’m sorry, maman,’ he said. ‘I lost control.’

‘I know,’ she said softly. ‘What happened?’

‘I was with Charles,’ he said. ‘He told me he’d been writing with the Duke of Weselton.’

Sona frowned. ‘What’s wrong with that? He’s one of our closest trading partners. Charles has not sabotaged our relationship with Weselton, has he?’

‘No, not like that. You see, the Duke has a daughter around my age and no other heir, and Charles wants to marry her. She will be here for the coronation, and Charles intends to propose there. He thinks the Duke is a powerful ally for him as well as for us. And the laws in Weselton are pretty backward, so if the Duke dies his daughter’s husband will inherit the title, the lands, everything.’

Sona knew Charles liked power, of course. Risa hated him for it, thought he couldn’t be trusted, but Sona couldn’t help but see that even if Charles was a little too power hungry for his own good, Alastair adored him. But if he took the title and became Duke of Weselton, why would that upset Alastair so much? Wouldn’t he be happy for his friend?

‘What does any of that have to do with you?’

Alastair sighed. ‘I know, it’s stupid. But he’ll leave me alone if he marries her. He’d go live in Weselton in the Duke’s palace. He cannot stay here anymore. He’s all I have, I couldn’t bear it if he left.’

Sona took his hand. It was ice cold. ‘You always knew he would return home someday, right? Charles was here to teach you and prepare you, and he has done that. You are ready to be king, joon-am. I know controlling the ice is hard, but you’re smart and compassionate and you will do fine if he’s not there.’

Secretly Sona thought perhaps Alastair would do even better without Charles there. She knew Alastair was kinder, and she feared perhaps it came from a place of self loathing but Alastair was not the kind of king who’d put his own needs before anyone else’s.

Alastair nodded weakly. ‘But I’d be all alone. When Charles and I first became friends, it was the first time I could control myself. As long as it was going well, I mean. I did sometimes lose control when he was upset with me, but he never saw. I don’t know what I’ll do when he’s gone.’

Alastair was crying. The tears froze into snowflakes before they even reached his cheeks. Watching her son cry had always been one of the strangest thing, as if he started snowing. It was heartbreaking to watch, and Sona wished she could hug him, but she knew Alastair wouldn’t let her. He was far too scared he’d hurt the baby.

‘You’re going to be alright,’ Sona said. ‘You’re lonely, I know that. Cordelia is too. But the coronation offers opportunities. Perhaps you’ll meet someone else who helps calm your moods and your ice. You could invite someone to stay, if you want, open the gates.’

Alastair shook his head. ‘It’s too dangerous. Charles is the only one I can trust. I tried, maman. I tried with Cordelia, but every time I go near her I am so scared I’ll hurt her and then the ice takes over.’

‘Perhaps we should return to Tessa,’ Sona suggested.

‘No. The coronation is too close. This curse, it can’t be controlled. Best to be alone, and do what’s right for Arendelle.’

Sona guessed if Alastair wouldn’t return to the village, she’d try to send an invitation for the coronation. Perhaps Tessa could come here and help figure out why Alastair couldn’t control the ice. It was the least she could do for her son.

[giorno-plays-piano]

Rotten

Pairing: Steve Rogers x princess!Reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, captivity, forced marriage, brief mention of child abuse, allusion to death of minor characters.

Words: 3950.

Summary: "The princess will marry the very first beggar who comes to the castle gates," the King said.

P.S. This was inspired by König Drosselbart fairytale.

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Staring at the enormously huge black gates separating the castle from the outer world, you pulled the grey cloth over your head, covering your beautiful shiny hair. Before this morning you wore a tiara of your mother, and your dresses were made from brocade, silk and cashmere, not this rough wool that itched so badly and irritated your gentle skin. But now the only posession you were allowed to keep was that little cameo of your mother laying in the pocket of your simple grey dress.

The princess is obstinate, capricious, the King said. She thinks too high of herself. She rejects and ridicules all honourable men coming to ask for her hand in marriage. She is rotten to the core. She doesn't deserve to be the crown princess of the kingdom.

Locked away, abandoned by your teachers, refused to be engaged to any decent prince or lord, you were kept confined to your chamber for several years. Occasionally, you were allowed to visit the celebrations and balls held in the castle only to be laughed at your lack of manners and education by the children of the King and their entourage. You considered them your friends once, but those times had long passed.

You were the only child of the Queen, the true ruler of these lands, who got married the second time after an unfortunate death of her first husband, your father. She didn't give the new King an heir, but he had a handful of his own children from his past marriages. All of them, except his oldest one who stayed to rule the country of his father under the watchful eye of royal advisors, were brought to your kingdom. They are your sisters and brothers, the King said.

They were the ones who would take your place once the King found an opportunity to get rid of you, the true successor to the Queen.

All the men who came to ask for your hand were told you had no desire to meet them, and then, after the brief encounter with the King, they were sent away. You watched them, enraged by this unfair treatment, and their corteges to leave in haste, disappearing behind the black gates. You were never allowed to leave your chamber at these times, forced to look out the window at those princes and lords. If only they knew.

"Bow your head in front of your lawfully wedded husband." One of the guards demanded harshly, and you snapped out of your thoughts, looking at the huge man with wide shoulders, dressed in rags, his face hidden by the hood he wore.

The stranger was twice bigger than the guards surrounding you, and you felt rather intimidated in his presence. Despite his dirty clothes and wooden shoes, he didn't look like a beggar to you. If he was truly so poor, how come his body was so big and strong? No, the man wasn't a beggar. He was a bandit.

It would only make sense for the King to get rid of you, but you hoped he would keep his word as he promised to give you to the very first beggar who came to the castle gates. Apparently, he decided against it. The bandit who stood in front of you would either kill you or sell you to a brothel. If he was paid to end you, you hoped he would at least do it fast.

You bowed your head in front of the stranger who was now your husband and moved forward when the guards pushed you to him. The man said nothing, heading to the gates as if he didn't even care whether you followed him or not. Biting your lip, you came after him, watching your ugly wooden shoes.

However, once you stepped behind the gates, you saw there were dozens of people, their clothes dirty, tattered, and heavily patched, their faces grim - many lacked teeth and some even an eye - their expression turning wicked when they saw you coming after the stranger. Who were they? Beggars? Bandits? Villagers? You didn't know, but feared for your life as they started shouting loudly upon seeing you, and then you saw them throwing something rotten and smelling badly at you.

Why were they doing it? What have you done to them?

"WHORE!" The crowd yelled. "ARROGANT BITCH!"

A boy no older than ten threw a piece of rock at you, and it struck your arm painfully, making you yelp. He was encouraged loudly by the others, and you realized they would beat you to death. Why? What have you done to be so hated? You were a prisoner in your family castle. No one loved you. No one cared for you. No one came to console you even in the darkest of days. Why did you deserve to be punished for something you had never done? Why were you the rotten one when the sons and daughters of the King were spoiled beyond imagination?

Before the next rock hit your head, you saw the stranger shielding you with a big piece of wood he had taken from some man. Holding it like a shield, your husband grasped your shoulders with the other hand and started fighting his way through the crowd as you clinged to him, afraid to raise your head. All you heard were angry shouts and screams of pain as the man crashed their bones with the shield in his hand, the sound of cracking disgusting and frightening. People tried to clench your dress, beat you, snatch away the cloth covering your head, but the stranger was quick to push people away, and soon you two were running somewhere, your vision clouded with tears.

He held your hand in his until you reached the forest behind the meadow, far away from the castle and all those scary people who dirtied your simple woolen clothes and coloured your arms black and blue. Luckily, you were mostly unharmed just like your saviour, the man who hadn't uttered a single word still. At this point you guessed he might be deaf or lacking his tongue - you heard maids talking about the soldiers of the King cutting tongues of the ones who talked against him. But maybe the stranger just didn't want to speak to you. He probably thought you were an arrogant princess, humbled by your pride and haughtiness.

"Thank you." You whispered to him, and the man turned face to you, his beautiful blue eyes watching you intently. "Thank you for saving me."

The tears had long dried out on your face, but your eyes were still a bit red, your voice raspy. Running in the wooden shoes made your feet hurt so bad as if you were running barefoot at all.

When your newly wed husband came closer to you, you flinched involuntary and made a step back, staring at his strangely attractive dirty face, his dark blonde disheveled hair and beard.

"You're safe with me."

You blinked, unsure what to say to him in return. His low husky voice made you tremble a little, but if he told you the truth, he was going to take care of you. You hurriedly averged your eyes and bowed your head again, waiting for him to continue walking. You didn't dare to talk to him once more.

Your had been travelling by foot for what felt like hours, and you felt grateful for the dress you were given as it was lighter with just a few layers of fabric. Your wooden shoes, however, bruised your skin so much that they were slowly filling with blood. Nonetheless, you kept walking even with blisters covering your feet as your husband moved forward without a stop through the forest. Was he living here? Otherwise you didn't know how he navigated through the woods.

"You're slowing us down." You winced when you raised your head and saw him furrowing at you, standing a few feet away.

"I am sorry." You muttered, knowing you could hardly speed up with your legs hurting so much as if you walked into the fire.

The stranger squinted, coming closer, "Take off your shoes."

You complied without saying a word, showing him your bruised feet. Was he going to complain you were a shirker, unable to even walk? Maybe he had it on his mind, but he stayed silent, ripping the hem of your dress when you gasped and wiped the blood away. Then he had you seated on a falling tree and bandaged your feet so gently you gawked at him openly. You felt tears shimmering in your eyes at his kindness. He cared.

"I will carry you from here." Your husband said, wiping away the sweat from his dirty forehead. "We'll make a halt soon."

"I can walk myself." You said when he loomed over you, his strong hands gripping your under your lower back. "Please!"

"No, you can't." He grumbled, shooting you a look that forced you to keep your mouth shut. "You are my wife now, and you are going to listen to what I say."

You squeezed your eyes shut when the man lifted you in the air and hurried forward, moving carefully so you wouldn't get struck by the branches. Your body ached, your legs hurt so hard you were ready to cry, your eyelids growing heavy. Oddly, the man's presence wasn't as intimidating as before, his body heat slowly warming you and lulling you to sleep since he slowed down a bit and kept going forward cautiously. You decided to close your eyes just a little bit...

__________________

When you opened your eyes next time, you were tucked in a bed that smelled like old sheep wool - your maid, a girl from the village, had the same scent when she returned after visiting her parents. Even though this bed was three times smaller and tougher then yours, you enjoyed laying there under the dark warm blanket - or whatever it was - and listening to the cracking fire inside the stone oven. Your poor feet were terribly sore, and laying on bed brought you so much comfort.

However, when you were fully awoke, you shifted on the bed nervously and glanced over the house, finding the stranger sitting near the crudely made wooden table, a clay pot in his hands. He lifted his hood, and now you could see his matted blonde hair and dirty face covered in mud and what looked like ashes. Was it his house he brought you to? It was very small and looked like it was abandoned some time ago, but you couldn't be sure. He had no servants to take care of his house, so maybe it always looked like that.

"You're awake." He said, turning his face to you. "Don't stand up. Your legs are no good."

"I'm sorry." You mumbled, knowing he was perfectly right since it still hurt you to move.

"Next time you need to tell me when you're in pain."

"Why?" Curling your lips in a grim smile, you got under blanket again, covering yourself up to your chin. "Why does my pain bother you?"

The man narrowed his eyes down at you and set the pot aside, putting his elbows on the table tiredly.

"You are my wife. Your pain bothers me, and my pain should bother you."

"I see." You averted your eyes from his face lit up by the light coming from the oven. You didn't know much about marriage since no one considered you to be ever wed. It was like this, then? Or was it because your husband was a peasant and not an honourable man? There certainly was differences, but you had never expected a beggar to be so kind.

He wasn't a beggar, though, of that you were sure.

"What name do I bear now?" You asked him, watching his face growing confused. "Do you... do you have a name, sir?"

"You bear the name of Rogers." He sounded oddly proud, but you only sighed - now you lost even the name your father gave you.

You were the beggar's wife, not the princess living in high castle - you would work hard till your hands bled; give birth to unfortunate children forced to live in poverty, who wouldn't know how to read or write; you'd starve and beg, and then die young. This is what your maid told you how the people of her village lived - despite being farmers, the lands they worked on were poor, and most of the harvest was taken away to feed the ones living in a castle.

You didn't even have the land to work on as you saw the forest through the crack in the door. This hut was in the middle of the woods, probably.

"I made a salve for your legs. Let me put it on."

When he stood up from the bench, you shivered and took your eyes elsewhere, moving higher on what you supposed was an improvised pillow. The stranger sat on the other side of the bed and moved your blanket, showing your dirty feet with dry blood covering them. Then, as if he remembered something, he went somewhere behind the oven and pulled a jug with a slightly cracked neck, soaking a rag in it. Once he squeezed it and brought it to your legs, you winced in pain, but stayed silent.

The stanger had been kind to you beyound your understanding.

"So, were the rumors true?" He asked once he wiped your feet cleen and took a little jar with what you assumed was the salve.

"Forgive me, but there are too many rumors for me to remember."

"The one that says you are so arrogant you don't want to meet any of the men who come to ask for your hand in marriage. Watching them being sent away, you sit in your room in the high tower and ridicule them all."

You wanted to laugh bitterly at his words, but the knot in your throat didn't let you utter a sound. Was this what the King and his children had been telling to your people, feeding them lies for years? The princess whose spirit was too high to look at those she deemed lower than her. The one born with a silver spoon in her mouth who didn't care whether her people starved and died from diseases. What a perfect little picture the King had constructed in the minds of others.

"If you believe it, did you take me as your wife to teach me a leason, then? To punish me?" You whispered and clenched your teeth - every touch to your legs made them burn as if the man's fingers were covered with flames.

"No."

His ridiculously beautiful blue eyes bore into you with such intensity it made you want to grab the blanket and pull it over your head to hide from him. Oddly, you thought his face looked noble behind that layer of dirt on his skin. He didn't look like any of those who you met behind the castle gates.

"In truth, I've seen you up there in the tower once, looking out the window. But you didn't laugh at us. You cried."

You raised your head and stilled, watching the man anxiously. No, he wasn't a beggar. They had never been admitted to the castle.

"How could you see me up there? My room is too high." Your hands trembled a little, and then you let out a hiss of pain when the man rubbed some salve onto your skin.

"I have a good eyesight."

"How did you know it was me, then?"

"Because I've seen you before."

Your heart was pounding loudly in your chest at his words. Who was he? Who was the man sitting on your bed?

"Were you a part of a cortege of a man who came to ask for my hand?" You asked nervously, glancing at him rubbing more of that medicine that smelled like herbs into your feet.

The stranger nodded. "Then... where have you seen me? Was it before I was locked in the castle by the King?"

"Yes. I saw you when the old King, rest his soul, had been alive."

"I see. I must have been a child, then." You gave him a weak smile, remembering those times when you were still the lovely little girl, your mother always keeping you close to her despite the royal etiquette. It was the time when you still travelled, sometimes even outside of your own country. He probably saw you during one of your trips with your parents. "Have you been a part of the court? Maybe the one who served it?"

"Yes." His answer was noncommittal, and it only steered your interest. Did he lost everything just like you? Was he stripped of his titles? It must had happened quite some time ago since his big hands were rough, work-weary. Maybe he was the knight or someone who belonged to the army.

Knowing he was becoming agitated, you decided to stop there. You had no desire to test patience of the one who had only ever been kind to you.

"I only have one question left, sir. How should I call you?"

He smirked, tilting his head to the side.

"Steve. My name is Steve Rogers."

Steve Rogers. This name rang a bell. He could see you growing confused, wracking your brains, desperately searching for any memory that could give you the answer. Steve Rogers. Steve...

Stevie. Prince Steven Grant Rogers. The little boy who was so unhealthy pale he looked like a ghost. He was skinny and small despite being older than you. You knew his mother had been sick for many years, confined to her chambers, and, sadly, her boy took after her. You remember the whispers behind your back when you visited him for the first time as he laid in bed, watching you with his enormously big blue eyes.

"It can't be." You gawked at the man who was bigger than anyone you had ever seen, his arms musculed, his shoulders wider than the ones of the King's executioner. Little Stevie could never grow so big - you remembered his thin, strange body well. "You can't be prince Steve."

"I'm not. I am King Steven now, little girl."

Oh, you remembered you called him a little boy that made him pout at you. There was no one standing close to you at the moment when you bended over to him and talked quietly not to tire the prince. But how could he become so strong? Even his father wasn't as big as him now. Why was King Steven dressed like a beggar? Why did he take you in the middle of the woods, pretending it was his house?

"When I reached the age of 18, I've met a wandering mage who cured my illness. His charms changed my body, made me what I had to become if my mother didn't fell sick before giving birth to me. Do you like what you see?"

You felt your cheeks burning when you realized you were staring at him shamelessly and averted your eyes.

"You look stronger than any man I've seen, Your Highness."

"I know, little bird." Smirking, he finally finished rubbing the salve into your skin and set the jar aside, caressing your feet. "As I fulfilled my promise to you, I came to claim what's rightfully mine."

"What promis- AH!

His gaze grew dark as you stared at him wide-eyed, and his hand gripped one of your feet painfully, making you yelp as he pressed his finger to the blister. He didn't like you forgetting about something important, but you could swear you remembered nothing of a promise.

"I gave you my word one day I'd become better and then come to ask for your hand, my dearest. You said if it were to happen, you would choose me among the other suitors. Do you remember now?" There was something dark in his voice as he spoke, and you nodded immediately to make him ease his grip on your leg. Steve sent you a satisfied smile, caressing your foot gently with his calloused fingers. "I've came to you several years ago, but you refused to see me and sent me away. I caught a glimpse of you in the window, and then I realized something wasn't right. I've sent a few of my people to become the servants in the castle to learn the truth."

Strangely, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted. King Steven knew you weren't rotten to the core. He knew you weren't a spoiled princess who refused to leave the castle to see her miserable people, suffering under the heavy taxation laws imposed by the new King. Steve took you here not to make you learn a lesson how to be behave, but to hide you from prying eyes.

As he wiped the tears streaming down your face, you realized he sat much closer to you now - King Steven smelled like sweat and pine trees.

"When the King ordered to give you to the first beggar who would come to the castle gates, I had already sneaked into your lands, my beloved. If not his order, my people would take you away soon." He dropped a kiss to your forehead, touching the locks of your hair with his fingers.

"But the King would find out who stole me." You whispered. "He'd demand you to bring me back."

"Five thousand soldiers are waiting for my command to march to the King's castle. Why would I leave him the kingdom that belongs to you, sweetheart?" Steve smiled, and you saw something dangerous lingering behind his eyes, something that made you shiver and draw a shaky breath from you. "If I gave you such an army, what would you do with it?"

For a second you felt like your body was thrown right into the fire, burning your flesh to the bones. The tears stopped as you clenched your teeth.

"Burn the castle to ashes. Kill the King. Kill his children. Kill their entourage. Kill all of them who had abandoned and humiliated me."

You didn't know when the anger rose in your chest and took a hold of your tongue, make you spit venom and imagine your brothers and sisters scream and plead for their lives, but you enjoyed it. You enjoyed every second of it when you thought of their heads on spikes for the crows to peck and the entire kingdom to see.

No one had come to your rescue for years when you prayed to be saved, taken away from a place that became your prison. No matter how much you asked God to answer you, he had been silent, and your learnt you were left alone in the world where no one wanted you to be treated fair. Then so be it. If no one took pity on a little miserable child pleading for help, you wouldn't show mercy to the ones who had been torturing you for years.

You hadn't seen how King Steven face changed as he watched you, his expression growing more sinister and poisonous, but you felt his lips on yours when he claimed your mouth possessively and his fingers clawed at your shoulders.

"I will cut the King's head off and tie it to the mane of your horse, my beloved. Would you like it to be your wedding gift?"

"Yes. Yes!" You cried as he shushed you, pressing your head to his chest and caressing your hair like a lover would.

"Then it's as good as done."

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Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki   ​@helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin ​@void-hoechlin @abyssaint @navegandoaciegas @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @heeeyitskay @lovelydarkdaydream

[i-want-my-iwtv]

If Anne R. decided to publish another VC book in the future, how would you like it to be? What topics would you like to see explored? What's your ideal ending to the saga? L̶e̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶i̶m̶a̶g̶i̶n̶e̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶s̶c̶r̶e̶w̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶u̶p̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶

This is interesting, and possibly some very well-wrapped bait. The question about what we want to see in canon is usually framed the other way around, in the form of a statement about what we’re disliking about canon. I’ve seen so many salty posts and hot takes that criticize the series for lacking in many ways, and I can’t remember a time when I’ve had any interest to write one of those myself or engage in them. 

Those statements are often about the issue of representation in published fiction, whether it be LGBT+, POC, etc., “[Author name]’s long history of discussing X but not depicting X in canon” is itself an accusation (deserved or not); that [Author] should do something about it, now! Representation is a nuanced issue, essays have been written on it by people more educated on it than I am, and out of respect, I’m not going to discuss this further publicly. For more on this topic, I would recommend @olderthannetfic​. 

>If Anne R. decided to publish another VC book in the future, how would you like it to be?

Fanworks have fed me so well over the years that there’s not much Anne herself could give me that I can’t find elsewhere. If she can’t or doesn’t want to make the content I want, I’ll write it myself or see if someone else is writing/has written it.

I would say that my favorite fanfics, fanart, and the parts of VC canon (which are all basically sequels of IWTV in some shape or form) that I’ve enjoyed have all landed somewhere in the sweet spot briefly described below.

From “Star Wars - How To Kill A Franchise,” by The Closer Look:

“Imagine exploring the elements from an original story in the sequel like a gradient. On the left, you’ve got ‘Not enough change,’ in the middle you’ve got that ‘Sweet spot’ where they’re different but it feels like a natural development in their character... In a perfect sequel, everything carried over from the original story should be in that Goldilocks zone where they’re still the same characters... but they’ve been developed in natural, interesting ways that allows for entertaining new directions in the follow-up story.”

Then there’s further to the right... ‘For the love of God stop!’  Which is where we use the phrase “jumped the shark,” “Moments labeled as "jumping the shark" are considered indications that writers have exhausted their focus, that the show has strayed irretrievably from an older and better formula...”

>What topics would you like to see explored?

A return to the sweet spot, some ideas would be:

The hypothetical book she might have written thirty years ago as a follow up to QOTD instead of TOBT.

A story, any story, from Louis's POV where he has more perspective in the wake of TVL and QOTD. That last scene of QOTD with Lestat and Louis flying together and so on... Lestat wondered what it had done to Louis to finally learn all these secrets, after being told for so long they didn't exist. Currently, Louis is characterized primarily by his obvious top-level traits, which get exaggerated and turned into the entire depiction, which is so flat, and he has so much more to offer. 

Discussions about the consequences of Merrick, and how that’s changed the way Louis sees things and navigates his existence, whether he and Lestat have the intimacy they were unable to achieve from the end of QOTD to Merrick.

I would prefer that certain characters that had died were allowed to stay dead, and could be talked about and mourned.

The exception being - I’d be open to a Nicolas return! He died off-screen after all.

>What's your ideal ending to the saga?

Ultimately, every problematic thing can't be addressed and tidied up. All of the vampires in VC have killed tens of thousands of people. There's no reparation for that. It's weird to try to apply any kind of human-standard morality to them, because you start from "First of all, they're all mostly-unrepentant killers."

While it would count as possibly Too much change, I think it could be intriguing to make all the vampires mortal and human again; they age together; now that their lives are finite they realize they need to sort out their shit, they get therapy and learn to communicate, and resolve all their many and varied interpersonal problems.

I’m ready to see what Christopher does with it when he takes over. I haven’t read his writing myself, but I’ve been told it’s good, so we’ll see. Maybe he has the Ricean spark✨

>L̶e̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶i̶m̶a̶g̶i̶n̶e̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶s̶c̶r̶e̶w̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶u̶p̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶

You know, over the years, especially when there was more of a sense of humor and people could get away with hyperbole, I’ve made it publicly known that some of the books were not my cup of tea, but there are fans who come to the series from every one of the books. They don’t have the same calibration as I do, IWTV may not be the original material at all for them! One could argue that any of these books could exist as standalones, because AR never promised us a forge weld to them all, 40+ yrs and 10+ books later. It’s not delamination of the stories splitting off from each other and conflicting accounts of events (”unreliable narrators”) if the intention wasn’t a fused weld.

In some respect, AR has reflected, she often asks her FB followers what they like about certain books/characters/etc. and I think she does read those responses... and while I wouldn’t say she admitted she “screwed it up,” she has said the Mayfair/VC crossovers “did not age well,” even though she is proud of them:

So I think AR’s point is that she tried a direction, and now that years have passed, she decided that it wasn’t worth pursuing further, and it will impact her choices in future books (in this case, not to do more crossovers). I think it takes a lot of guts for her to post that publicly, and it gives me hope that whatever she writes next, I think she’s trying to capture her older and better formula. 

But just because she made us a magnificent cake once, I don’t expect her to make anything like it for us again, ever, and it gives me peace of mind not to expect her to. 

[khaleesiofalicante]

Hello Dani.

I wish I were here with some cute Malec fan arts to show you instead of what I'm about to say. But I'm not. I guess I just need to talk to someone. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. You don't have to answer me. I guess the fact that I was comfortable enough to tell you these helps me enough. To at least know that I'm no longer the only person who knows these anymore. To know that it isn't a secret I have to bare alone. Cause I'm fucking tired of it.

Ok, here's the thing. Here, in my country, students attend a national exam at the end of elementary school. Just before entering middle school, at 11. The results of this test show whether you can enter some special schools that are built to guide and educate the students who got accepted. The students society thinks are smarter than the others. As far as I can remember, I knew I should take that test and get accepted. When I was a child my mother told me about a long time ago, when she and my father were at high school. My father had wanted to become a doctor at the time. He'd tried and studied hard and eventually gotten accepted at the medicine school. But back then, it had been very important for the students studying important majors at university- like medicine- to have a good social image and other people's opinion about them mattered a lot. And at that time, my father's family had had some kind of quarrels and fights going on with some neighbor families, and thus when those people were asked about my father personality, they've talked shit about him and he got rejected. He had to become a teacher instead. I was just a child back then, but even as a child, I could see how my father always yearned for what he'd lost. The way he talked about how good of a job it is, how doctors can help people a lot, and how if I'm smart and hardworking enough, I can become a doctor one day. Long story short, from a very young age, every one told me that I was intelligent and should become a doctor. It would make my family and my family name proud and I knew it. So I tried, I studied and I got accepted at that special schools at 11( cause it has always been part of the path I was shown ). I not only got accepted, but also got the best marks at the test in the town. That day was the only day I remember my father looked very proud of me. I always did good at the exams, but there was always something lacking for them, like, although I become a top student, I didn't become the best, or although I became the best, some of my marks still could be better. So there was always some criticism waiting for me, no matter what result I gained. The only time that there wasn't any, was that one time that I got accepted in those special schools at 11. That day I only saw appreciation. After that, I always kept trying but I guess I was never hardworking enough. My parents used to say it was because I couldn't put my complete focus on studying. Because I used to draw, and play soccer, and also attend English classes. I loved all of those activities, but I dropped all of them when I entered highschool. Because everyone said they were distracting me from my purpose that was becoming a doctor. That I needed to study biology and math and not waste my time with arts and sports. So I did it. And I was ok with it, or at least I thought I was. Untill I wasn't anymore. Until suddenly this pandemic started one year and a half ago, and I no longer could go to school. And I started struggling to keep up with my lessons and studying. I understood that I didn't enjoy it, it had become like a chore. I didn't understand how much my friends, my teachers and my school meant to me and how much it affected my willingness to studying till I lost it. And it took me even longer to find out the reason I needed them so much. And I hate that reason. I totally hate it. But it was true. I needed school because they gave me the appreciation and approval I always yearned for. I found out that one of the reasons I studied well was that I liked everyone appreciating me. I like the looked of awe in their eyes when I solved math problems or when I answered a biology question no one knew of. And I no longer had those. I was all alone with my family, since school were closed. And I knew- I know- my family loves me, but their tactics for helping someone or something get better has always been criticizing the wrong things, instead of praising the good parts. And it helped, or it used to do, at least. But just as long as I got the praise and approval I needed from the others. But I didn't

get them anymore cause I was all alone with my family now. I just had them. And the criticism become harder and unbearable. Studying was like a burden, a chore. And it didn't help that with the whole staying home situation, I had more time to think and I realized how long it had been since last time I drew anything. Or played soccer. Or read my favorite novels. I realized I never once stopped to think about what I wanted to do. My life path had always been described for me. I'd always known what I was supposed to do, or what I was supposed to be. But I was no longer sure if it was what I wanted. And I was confused and lost and absolutely terrified. I didn't know what to do. Whether to continue my path, or change it. I tried to speak to my parents. But they didn't get it. They didn't get why I was suddenly hesitating and told me I was just ruining all those years of trying, for nothing. So I stopped talking about it. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't help feeling like I've always lived for others. Like, why the hell should I need my teachers and classmates appreciating and praising me? Why should not having that anymore make studying boring for me?? Why did I never thought about my future as a choice, not something that was always set to happen?! I was angry at myself but most of all, I was lost, I didn't know what the hell to do. And no one could understand me, so when my parents asked me how I was preparing myself for the national exam of universities acceptance, I lied. I lied and told them I was doing ok, while I totally wasn't. I couldn't tell them, I didn't want them to blame me, cause I blamed myself enough. I hoped it will get better by the time. But it didn't. Everyone thinks I'm a fucking Christopher Lightwood, while honestly, I'm more a Alastair Carstairs.

And now, here am I, not knowing what the hell to do. The exam for universities acceptance is in less than a month and a half. I know I still have time, but I no longer know what I want to do. And I no longer believe in my abilities. I think my parents were right, I think I just wasted my time hesitating and questioning myself. Maybe becoming a doctor doesn't make me happy, but isn't it worth it?? That at least it is what my father wanted for me all along? That I can at least make my family happy and proud?? Cause I don't know what makes me happy. And now, it's too late to think about it and find out. Cause I'm scared to find out. I'm scared that I make my family disappointed, like I made myself disappointed. I'm afraid it's too late and no matter what I do, I'm gonna make them disappointed. That while everyone thinks I'm gonna get accepted at the best medicine school, I won't get accepted at all. I wasted so much time questioning everything. If only I continued my path, at least my family would be happy. But now, I'm terrified that I make them disappointed and remain unhappy myself. Cause even if I was living a lie, even if I one day got up and see I didn't like my life, at least I still had a life. A life in which nobody had expectations from me any longer. And even if I didn't like my life, I was at least alone to do whatever I want with it. But at the moment, I just want to become a doctor, and pay off what I've always felt I owe my family. My father. That was the only thing he ever wanted from me. ( And it pays handsomely, sure. It's just, I was never sure if I enjoy doing it, not just its payment.)

But I'm now terrified that I've ruined my chance for even having this. I think I should've never questioned my life. It didn't help that I found out I wasn't happy. I can't help but think I fucked everything up. I always tried to be open to changes. To be brave, just like Alec was. But how can I do that when I don't know what I want? How can I even choose another job when I was practically raised to become a doctor since forever? How can I change my path when I sacrificed lots of things that I loved for it?? All those soccer games I didn't attend, all those drawings I didn't draw, just to have time to study! How can I do it?? And what if my family was always right, that becoming a doctor is best for me? What if I've had fucked up my chance of becoming a doctor even??

And more than anything, I'm tired of keeping all that a secret. I feel guilty as hell whenever I see my parents cause I lied to them, and it's making it all hard to breathe. I'm really really tired. I'm lost. What am I supposed to do? What should I do???

Hello, darling.

Thank you for trusting me with this. I'm glad you wanted to talk to someone. Whatever you feel, it's out now. You no longer have to worry this is a secret. I hope that helps you a little. I hope it lightens the burden you carry on your shoulder.

As always, I cannot tell you what to do. It's your life - something I do remind yourself more often. It helps. I promise.

But I can tell you what I think.

1. I think you are very smart. Like VERY smart. So, if you are worried about changing your academic course or career path, I would say you have nothing to worry about. If you can study biology, trust me, you can find your way through any other subject. It's nothing to be afraid of. Every subject is hard. But you seem like a relentless little fighter to me. So, you will figure it out.

2. I think the reason your father wants you to be a doctor is because he still feels the pain of not achieving his dream. If he doesn't enjoy teaching, then he knows what it's like to live a life of regret. Your father wants to spare you from that. But irony is cruel. Because that very effort has pushed you into the same path. I think someone *cough* you *cough* needs to remind your father that even if you become a doctor, you will not be happy. And while your parents might not be able to see it clearly as you do, it's what they want too. Success doesn't necessarily mean happiness. So, maybe you should tell your father that. Tell him that even if you become a doctor, it wouldn't make you happy. So, despite all their prayers and efforts, your parents would still fail. Because you would be living a similar life as your father had to.

3. One and a half month sounds like a very short time. But here is the thing. I feel like if you put your mind to it, you can get through this exam. But what about your heart? Where does it want to be? What does it want to do? For me, it doesn't sound like a problem of "can I do this?". Yes, you can. It's more a question of, "do I want to do this?". I don't know the answer to that. You are smart. Figure it out.

4. The best advice I've gotten in life is this "do what makes you happy." I know that many don't have the luxury of following that advice in every possible way. But you have the chance. do it. If something or someone is bringing you unhappiness, you should have the liberty to say "no fuck off." It takes a lot of courage to look at something and say 'no'. We haven't been taught to say that enough. Learn to say 'no'. If you take away anything from this response, it should be that.

5. You don't owe anyone anything. Just so you know. Not your family. Your parents. Not your school. No one. Nothing. But you owe it to yourself to be happy.

6. I have met many people like your father - and perhaps yourself - who have told me that "I couldn't follow my dreams. But when I have a child one day, I will do everything in my power to make sure they get to achieve their dream". It's truly a beautiful sentiment. But all I can think is...If it's possible for us to fight for an unborn child of ours, then why can't be fight for ourselves. If we are willing to fight in the future, then why not now?

I know you want your parents to be happy. I know you don't want to let them down. I know a lot of us think that way. So I ask - Why can't we show the kindness we are willing to show the ones we love to ourselves?

7. I don't know what you are going to do either, my love. But I know you will survive. So, even if these words get washed away and even if the confidence you feel is momentary and even if you end up taking the exam and do biology, I hope you remember that it is never, ever, ever too late to choose yourself. To follow your dreams. To stand up and say no.

8. You told me you are more like Alastair. So, I'll leave you with this.

"If you choose that for yourself, it is your choice, but you cannot choose for me”

All my love,

Dani x.

[idy-ll-ique]

Winter Baby.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None

Requested: Nope

Summary: Bucky and Y/N meet when he goes to her library for the first time.

Author's Note: Hi there!! Whew, that was a long hiatus... anyway, I feel like some of you might enjoy this; personally, I'm not a big fan of my old writing but since I've not written anything new recently (marvel-related), I don't have a choice. So enjoy!

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Y/N POV:

It wasn't easy owning a whole library alone.

But for money and livelihood, anything.

That was my mindset, I'm Y/N. I owned a small library in Manhattan, New York. To give you a more detailed address, it was on the same block as the Stark Tower, where the Avengers resided. 

Customers swarmed my library frequently, it had been well-known for decades. The thing is, it was inaugurated by my grandpa. It was then handed over to my mom and now, after her retirement, I handled the shop with a few of my friends. I loved the library with my life. 

Currently I was sitting on my seat at the reception, a Kafka book in my hand. When I heard the bell above the door ringing, I groaned in my mind. 

"Welcome to Twice Upon A Time, how may I help you?" I drawled, without looking up. When I heard someone clearing their throat, I looked up. My eyes widened slightly but I smiled at the Kennedy assassin, also known as Winter Soldier, or White Wolf, or, Bucky Barnes. 

"How may I help you, Mr Barnes?"

I was alone in the library, my friends having gone to eat lunch. I kindly refused, because someone needed to stay at the library. 

"Please tell me where the Divergent series is kept, doll," Mr Barnes questioned politely with a friendly smile. I stood up and led him to the fiction shelves. He got whatever book he needed, put the money on the counter and left. He said he'd return the book within seven days. As he left, I stared at the back of his head. 

To be really honest, I had a crush on him. I genuinely had a problem, I think, falling for the wrong person. First, my school bully (yuck), then Loki for a brief amount of time and now Bucky. As soon as I had seen him on the news, I was enticed. Obviously, I didn't tell anyone about my infatuation with Bucky. They'd judge. 

Once, I saw him in a café with Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson, laughing and having fun. That was the day when I realized I had actual feelings for the guy. My heart involuntarily fluttered in my chest, snapping me out of my thoughts. I chuckled, shook my head and continued reading Kafka. 

Bucky POV:

I stared down at the book in my hand, which was suggested to me by Nat. It was the first book of a four-book series. I entered my bedroom, running a hand through my hair. 

As I sat reading, my mind wandered back to the small, cosy library, with the cute receptionist. I think she was the owner, I wasn't sure. She was famous in the area. 

I did hear a lot about the bookstore, everyone had something promising to say about it. That's what made me go there in the first place. Now I know why everyone said that 'Twice Upon A Time is a great place to buy books!' One round around the bookstore, I fell in love. 

The library held all kinds of books, from educational to adult, fiction, non-fiction, sci-fi... I shook my head and continued reading Divergent. 

Throughout the book, I couldn't get the owner's face out of my mind. Her Y/H/C hair, eyes as grey as mine, small figure, her curves, her clothes... whoa.

"Goddamn it, Bucky!" I groaned to myself, snapping the book shut. I stood up, deciding to go back to the library to ask her her name. If I didn't, I knew I wouldn't be in peace until I did.

And maybe ask her to coffee, suggested my mind. I agreed. The library was quite close by, it took me five minutes to get there. When I walked in, I didn't see her anywhere. A guy was sitting on her spot. "How may I help you, Mr Barnes?" he asked, smiling. "Uh... you know that girl who was sitting in your spot an hour ago? Where is she?"

"Oh, Y/N? Wait." He got up and disappeared into the back of the library. I stood where I was, Divergent still in my hand. My hands started to sweat. 

Why was I so anxious? Maybe because Y/N was so cute. The guy returned, Y/N behind him. "Hello, Mr Barnes," she greeted with a smile. 

"Hi, Y/N, I wanted to ask you something," I implored, glancing at the guy who was watching us with a smile. He got the indication and departed. 

"Anything," she mumbled, perplexed. "I wanted to ask you if you'd like to have coffee sometime," I chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of my neck. 

"Of course, Mr Barnes, I'd be honoured! Shall I give you my number, so you can contact me?" she asked with a cute smile after being momentarily stunned. I readily handed her my phone. She added her number in and gave the phone back. "I'll text you," I nodded. "Okay, Mr Barnes, have a good day," she called out as I turned to leave. 

"Bucky, please." I gave her one last smile and left the place. I went back to the Stark Tower, only to bump into Steve on my way in. "Hey Bucky, where have you been?" he inquired with a smile.

"Twice Upon A Time," I shrugged, holding up my book. "Oh, the owner of that store is a really sweet gal, do you know her? She's so polite!" he gushed. He knew her too? Damn. "I'm taking her out for coffee."

Hearing that Steve smirked at me. "Have fun, okay? She's awesome, I'll be the happiest if you two start a relationship," Steve wiggled his eyebrows. I gave his shoulders a push, laughing. "See you, champ." We did a fist-bump and he left the building. I went inside, straight to my room. 

I smiled to myself as I started reading Divergent again. This time, I didn't mind having Y/N's face implanted in my brain. I read the entire book in 5 hours. When I finished reading the book, I gasped. That was such an interesting book, I wanted to read the second part! 

The next morning I borrowed the second installation of the series, met Y/N, went home, read the book and finished it within a few hours once more. That happened until I finished reading the series. After finishing the series almost 5 days after I met Y/N, I finally decided to ask her out. I couldn't stop thinking about her, she was... attractive. 

Y/N POV:

“Jesus, fuck-” I cursed when my phone startled me. Why would someone want to call me at midnight? Sighing, I picked up the call. "Hello?" I answered, instantly recognizing the voice on the other end. "Y/N, hey, I was wondering if we can have that date tomorrow."

"Oh." I checked the calendar, "Sure. Tomorrow's Saturday anyway, the library is closed on Saturdays." He dramatically heaved a sigh of relief, which made me titter. "How about 8 pm, we meet at the restaurant down the lane?" he asked hopefully. "El Diablo? Sure! I love that place! Bye Bucky, I'll see you later!"

He ended the call and kept my phone away. I stood up and stretched, yawning. I turned the TV off, picked up my phone and went to my room. 

---

“Where are you, Buck?” I was waiting at the entrance of El Diablo for Bucky, dressed in a sweet, green dress. It reached my knees and it was strapless. I normally didn't dress like this, I felt uncomfortable. My friend, Anne said I looked beautiful and I trusted her, so... When I looked around again, I saw Bucky walking towards me, dressed in a suit. 

I almost drooled, damn, he looked so handsome. His hair was tied back, a few loose strands hanging around his shoulder. His stubble seemed too perfect to be real. His grey eyes scanned the crowd until they landed on me. A smile bloomed upon his face as he walked towards me. With each step he took, my heart fluttered. 

"Hi Y/N, you look beautiful."

He took my hand and pressed a kiss to it. Such a gentleman! I smiled as both of us walked into the restaurant, Bucky's arm around my waist. Half the restaurant turned to look at us. Their eyes widened, because what was the sweet bookstore owner doing with the Winter Soldier?  Bucky and I ignored the looks and sat down at a table. Water was served and two menus were placed on the table. I didn't even bother. 

This date seemed too fantastical to be real. Never in a million years would I have imagined I would be on a date with Bucky Barnes. Yet, here I was maintenant...

When Bucky was done with the menu I called the waiter over and placed our orders. When he went away, Bucky turned to me.  "You didn't even pick up the menu," he teased. I shrugged and crossed my arms, unfolding them with a blush when I realized they attracted his attention towards my accentuated... ahem...

"I have been here 2-3 times before, I know my favourite dish from here," I chuckled, playfully glaring at him when he smirked at my blush. Both of us were  chatting until our food arrived. We talked about our favourite book series as we devoured our food. His favourite series at the moment was obviously Divergent, while I was an avid Potterhead. 

---

After dinner, Bucky decided to take me back to my house. As we walked down the lane, a gust of wind blew, making me shiver. "Cold?" Bucky asked instantly, taking off his jacket. He placed the jacket over my shoulders and I thanked him. When we reached home, I turned to him. 

"Bye Bucky, I'll see you tomorrow."

I hugged him, kissing his cheek in the process. When he pulled away, both of us grinned at each other. He left. After the first date, Bucky and I hung out at the library a lot. Sometimes, he even bought Steve and Sam along, who were fun to hang out with, too.

Eventually, a few weeks later, Bucky asked me out again. This continued for 3-4 dates. As the 4th date ended with us standing outside the door to my house, Bucky turned to me. "Hey, Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?"

I froze and looked at Bucky, who was smiling at me, confident. “Wasn’t that already established?” I smirked, crossing my arms. “I thought so too, just wanted to make sure you knew.” I laughed loudly at his joke and a lopsided grin bloomed on his face.

My laughter abruptly stopped when he pulled me close to him, cupping the back of my head and holding it close to his shoulder with such intensity that I melted against him. When the hug felt too elongated, I tried to pull away. Bucky surprised me again when he gently pressed his lips to mine in a perfect kiss, according to me. 

I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms went around my waist, pulling me closer. “I wanna tell you something, don’t be mad,” he murmured against my lips. I hummed in a questioning tone, my mind still reeling in from the brilliant kiss.

“I love you. I know it has been only 4 months since we’ve known each other but I’m sure I love you. I’m not expecting you to feel the same way, but I wanted to get it off my chest. I really do love you, darling.”

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I was flabbergasted. He loved me? Me, of all people? To be honest, I didn’t want to ruin this moment with unnecessary questioning, especially since I loved him back.

So I smiled.

“I love you, too, winter baby.”

“Never call me anything else ever again.”

“Deal, winter baby,” I chortled.

---

A/N: Please leave a like, it would mean a lot! Thanks for reading :)

[awritingtree]

A Chance

Draco Malfoy x reader

Summary: Draco left Y/N heartbroken, absolutely crushed it. So what does she do when he shows up at her doorstep, five years past since the last time she saw him? Will she find it in her heart to forgive him?

@fic-writer-heaven‘s October Event writing challenge: Angst prompt 10. “One of the cruelest things you can do to another person is pretend to care more about them than you really do.” and fluff prompt 5. “You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.” The prompts have been bolded :) I had loads of fun writing this.

Words: ~2.3k

Warnings: angst, a bit of fluff. Comment please if you think there are any other warnings to be added :)

A/N: DID SOMEONE SAY DRACO MALFOY? Hehe xD I was really going to debating on whether to have a sad or happy ending. But then I remembered my plans for another Draco fic and I thought that our boy deserved a bit of happiness :) I hope you like this xx

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

You never thought you’d see him again. But yet here he was, standing on your front porch. He looked different, a bit older of course; it had been five years since the Battle of Hogwarts. His white blond hair was shorter than you remembered. He wore black jeans, and a black peacoat over a green Slytherin jumper. He had gained a bit of weight; no longer sickly thin and pale. His grey eyes seemed brighter, happier. You couldn’t deny that he had aged well. He looked handsome; he always did look handsome. Nobody could deny it, especially not you.

“H- hi,” he stuttered.

You stared at him, your e/c eyes not wavering from his form.

Draco cleared his throat, “Can we talk?” He paused before adding a “please.”

“You weren’t so willing to talk last time.”

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

“One of the cruelest things you can do to another person is to pretend to care more about them than you really do.”

Your mother had told you this at a young age. At the time you had disagreed. Surely it was better to have someone pretend to care rather than have no one at all? You never really understood how wrong you had been until this precise moment where you stood in front of the boy that broke your heart, balancing tears, willing them not to fall.

“We can work this out, Draco. Talk to me, please.”

“I have nothing to say to you, Y/N,” said Draco coldly.

“There has to be something I can do. I can fix it, whatever it is, please. Just give me a chance. I can’t lose you,” you begged. You sounded desperate but you didn’t care. You loved Draco; you have since you were in your 4th year.

“You don’t get it, do you? I don’t care about you.”

You shook your head in denial, “That’s not true.”

“I never cared about you,” Draco spoke as if explaining something to a child. “You were nothing but something to pass my time with, something to experience.”

You felt your heart drop to the bottom of your stomach at his words. That couldn’t be true. He had to be lying.

“You’re lying. I know you are. You have to be,” you pressed on, hoping to break him out of whatever- out of what? You didn’t know. But you knew Draco, this was not your Draco.

“Listen to me. I have never loved you, I never will. I pretended to because I was merely bored. Did you really think I’d love a filthy half-blood like you?” he sneered.

You couldn’t hold back the tears any longer; they fell, streaming down your face. It did nothing to falter Draco. His cold, empty eyes glared at you. That’s when you realized the Draco you knew and loved, who swore to hurt anyone who ever made you cry back in 5th year, was gone. Replaced by the cold monster staring down at you.

You took a deep breath and stepped away from the love of your life. You walked away from him, suppressing your sobs. You refused to show him how much he affected you.

That day you promised yourself that no one would ever have the opportunity to break your heart again, like Draco Malfoy did.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

“I know,” Draco mumbled shamefully.

Draco raked his brain for a way to get you to listen to him. He didn’t know what to do or say that’d convince you to hear him out. “I can’t take back what I’ve done but please just give me a chance to explain, to set things straight. If after that you don’t want to talk to me or see me, I swear you’ll never see or hear from me again.”

You stared at the man in front of you. He looked desperate, probably as desperate as you had that unfortunate day when everything changed for you. Knowing you would somehow come to regret this, you sighed and moved aside, widening the entrance to invite him in.

Draco sighed in relief. He didn’t know what he would have done if you hadn’t agreed. He followed you down a hall. The walls were decorated with so many pictures; pictures of you alone, with your friends from back in Hogwarts and recently, pictures with and of your family. He noticed there were no pictures with anyone that looked like a partner which gave him a bit of hope.

You led him into the kitchen and put a kettle on to boil. Draco looked around smiling, this is exactly what he would’ve imagined your house and kitchen to look like. There were a few plants - no doubt some herbs - growing near the windowsill. Everything was organized in the wooden and glass cupboards, the white marble countertop spotless except for a few fruits in a basket. Handing him a cup of peppermint tea, you sat down at the small table in the corner of the kitchen. Taking a sip from your cup of lemon ginger tea, you watched him hang his coat on the back of the chair before taking a seat across from you. You continued to watch him for a while. When he asked you for a chance to explain, you expected there to be more, well, talking. But it seemed as though he was pretty content sitting there in your kitchen, drinking your tea in silence. You internally rolled your eyes, already frustrated.

Draco took a sip of his hot peppermint tea and sighed, pleased with the warmth that spread through his body. He knew you were waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t know where to begin. Every time he believed he’d found a way to start the conversation, his mind would chastise him.

“Well get to it, won’t you?” you said irritated, finally getting tired of waiting for him to say anything. Draco pursed his lips together and decided to just wing it.

“I didn’t know what else to do. The times were getting darker, my father was in Azkaban and with the pressure on me.  You were not safe around me; you were not safe around a Death Eater. I was scared; for you and for myself. If any of them found out about us,” he squeezed his eyes shut, attempting to get rid of the horrid images his mind was coming up with. His hands gripping the cup of tea so tightly, he was surprised it didn’t shatter. “I don’t know what they would’ve done to you. I didn’t want to find out.”

“Did you ever think maybe I didn’t care what could’ve happened to me? I would’ve gone to all lengths for you, Draco.”

“I didn’t want you to,” he shook his head lightly. “I couldn’t let you sacrifice everything for me. I couldn’t be selfish, not when it had to do with you. I had to protect you in the only way I knew how. You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought. I love you, Y/N. I always have, I always will.”

Even though you hadn’t and don’t agree with what he’d done, you could understand where he was coming. He was doing what he thought was best for you.

“I love you too,” you replied quietly, flustered by his last words. Draco beamed; maybe there really was hope after all.

“I want to forgive you, Draco. I really do. But what you did, what you said,” you trailed off, taking a moment to gather yourself and your words.

“You hurt me, Draco. What you said, no matter the reason, I can’t just forget it because of an apology. I can’t do that to myself again. I won’t.” You felt proud of yourself for being able to resist him. Though, you knew that it wouldn’t be long before you gave in.

Draco moved forward, reached out and took your hand in both of his and brought it close to him.

“I know what I did was wrong. There were other ways to handle the situation, instead I acted like an arse. But please, Y/N,” he pleaded as he placed a small kiss on your knuckles. “Just give me a chance. I will spend however long it takes to make this right, to make us right. I will do whatever it takes, just tell me what I can do.”

You couldn’t lie, you were a bit shocked. You never thought you’d see the day that the Draco Malfoy would be in your house, in your kitchen, begging and pleading with you to give him another chance because he was wrong.

After that unfortunate day, you’d thrown yourself into work. Excelling at every subject, making head girl in your 7th year when you returned to Hogwarts after the war. You were a Y/H and you would be damned if you let anyone, least of all a boy, get in the way of your education and goals. You graduated top of the class, went out into the real world and built a good name for yourself. All the hard work had paid off; everyone believed you had the potential become one of the best healers the wizarding community had ever seen, once you completed your training.

You’d promised yourself that no one would have the opportunity to break your heart again. But as you gazed at the man in front of you. You felt your resolve break. The clear desperation and tears welling up in his eyes tugging at your heartstrings. You knew you’d break the promise made to yourself almost seven years ago, over and over again for the man in front of you.

Draco could see the hurt he’d caused you years ago swimming in your eyes. He made a promise to himself at that moment, he’d do whatever it took and however long it’d take for that hurt to go away. And maybe, hopefully, it’d be replaced by something else, something more if it all worked out in the end.

You sighed, hating yourself for giving in so easily.

“Alright. I will give you a chance to make this right, but you have to earn the forgiveness,” you said softly. “Don’t make me regret this, Draco. Show me you deserve to be forgiven.”

Draco nodded, a wide smile taking over his face. Even after all these years, it knocked the breath out of you. You’d always loved his smile; it had been one of your favourite things about him.

“Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Draco said, placing butterfly kisses on your knuckles, overcome with a type of happiness he hadn’t felt in a long time, not since he made you walk away that unfortunate day seven years ago. “I promise you won’t regret this.”

‘I really hope so,’ you thought.

Draco let go off your hand, sitting back down, thanking Merlin that you had such a forgiving heart. If it was him in your position, he wouldn’t’ve let you in the house. Honestly, he would’ve slammed the front door on your face. For a moment back there, he thought you were going to.

But you didn’t. Of course, you didn’t. Because even after years, even after all that he put you through, somehow, you still loved him. You hated yourself for it. But one can’t help who they love; you can’t control who you fall in love with.

You both stared at each other, a new energy that wasn’t there before, when you opened the door today thinking it’d be Ron or Luna dropping by.

“Can I kiss you?” Draco whispered nervously. Was he overstepping? ‘Salazar, I shouldn’t have said anything. I should just be grateful that she’s giving me another chance,’ he thought, berating himself.

You hesitated for a bit. Did you want him to kiss you? Did you want to kiss him? ‘Of course, you do,’ you mentally scoffed at yourself.

You nodded timidly, looking down at the table. You heard the chair scrape against the floor as he stood up.

Draco made his way towards you, sweating with nerves. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself down. He leaned down on his knees beside you, lifting a shaky hand to the side of your face, bringing you to face him. He scanned your face, looking into your eyes, for any hesitation that would tell him he needed to back off. But he didn’t find any. He softly caressed your cheek with his thumb, gazing at you in awe. He thought you were the most beautiful thing in the world.

Draco slowly leaned in, his lips brushing against yours giving you a chance to pull back. When you didn’t, he pressed his lips against yours, relishing in the feeling that spread through his entire being. Your lips moved softly against his as your hands wrapped themselves around his neck, playing with the chain that lay under his jumper. Draco moved his other hand to the back of your neck winding up in your hair, pulling you closer to him. The kiss was gentle and tender, both of you savouring the feeling of the other in their arms after all these years.

You slowly pulled away when the need for oxygen became too great to ignore. But before you could put some distance between the two of you, Draco pulled you into a sudden hug. His arms wrapped around your waist, burying his face into your hair whilst your face buried itself into the crook of his neck.

Draco felt a small smile spread across your face against his skin.

‘Maybe it’ll all be okay,’ he thought.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

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[quillandink333]

Scarlet Carnations ~ Epilogue

BotW Link X Zelda ~ Detective AU

Rating: T

Word Count: 1.7k

WARNINGS: death, murder, loss, trauma, blood and gore, terrorism, organized crime, self-harm

Summary: Inspector Zelda Hyrule, assisted by the faithful Constable Link Fyori, is infamous for cracking the most confounding of cases in a town dominated by crime. Her latest assignment is to solve the murder of her own godmother, Impa Sheikah, the late CEO of Sheikah Tech. Incorporated, while staying under the radar of the dreaded Yiga organization.

Part I • Part II • Part III • Part IV • Part V • Part VI • Part VII • Epilogue • Masterlist

The first couple of weeks following the incident that had taken my long-lost mother from me was misery in its purest form. Link and I didn’t speak, not even by phone, during that whole stretch of time. In fact, I could rarely bring myself to answer the phone at all. The memory was still too vivid, the wounds still too fresh.

He’d gotten off scot-free in the end as he’d been deemed to have acted in the defence of others—namely, of me. It wasn’t long before I learned of his plea, that if I hadn’t come along quietly, I would have suffered the same fate that he’d brought upon her, and they had believed him. How I felt about this was still something I was struggling to wrap my endlessly pounding head around.

As dark and deep as this seemingly bottomless pit of despair that I’d found myself plummeting down was, however, someone did eventually toss a rope down for me. The time I spent apart from Link gave me the opportunity to properly reconcile with those whom I myself had wronged: Auntie Purah and Paya. The former and I found comfort in our mutual grieving, and even as Paya had never really known my mother well enough to mourn her loss (though, arguably, it seemed no one had ever truly known her), she was more gracious and understanding than I or anyone else would have been, which only made me regret even more deeply my past transgressions toward her.

One day, during one of our continual conversations, she shifted to the topic of the Yiga leader’s executioner. How she could even think of him at a time like this was beyond me, but I digressed. I told her everything from start to finish. It was the first time I’d allowed myself to talk to anyone about it at length. As I spoke, she listened calmly and carefully. Despite what I’d have liked to believe, she had always been the more levelheaded one out of the two of us, save for when it came to discussing things about herself.

By the time I finished, I’d begun bouncing my still healing ankle back and forth, which I’d crossed over my other leg to keep it from touching the ground. I didn’t stop even after I noticed what I was doing.

“It’s painfully clear to see how conflicted you are about all this.” Coming to sit beside me on the sofa in the Sheikahs’ sitting room, Paya placed an affectionate palm on my thigh, bringing its restless jittering to a halt. “I understand how hard this must be for you. But the way I see it, there’s only one question you need ask yourself at the end of the day.”

Whatever she was about to say, it wouldn’t be an easy pill to swallow, would it? I straightened my posture. “And what would that be?”

“Between the two of them, who do you think was the better person?”

She was looking me dead in the eyes, her hand still resting upon my leg. I uncrossed them.

I’d never thought to compare the two before. What reason would I have had to do so? But now that she’d mentioned it, I hadn’t realized how few memories I even had left of my mother, and the ones that remained were blurry and vague beyond any hope of being recovered. If only she hadn’t left me with the Sheikahs all those years ago, maybe I could have remembered more clearly what kind of person she had been.

On the other hand, Link had always been there for me. Even during the times when circumstances had driven us apart, the thought of him was what had kept my flame burning strong and hot throughout each arctic day, and what had protected me from myself, keeping me from doing the irreparable. He had stayed by my side to the bitter end.

No matter how I’d reflected back on that day previously, the sight of his steely, focused stare and the sound of his crazed breaths, short and sharp, had been ever dominant. But now, I recalled the way those eyes had then glazed over with unadulterated horror. How his arms had shivered as they’d clung to my broken form and how they’d continue to cling for what would feel like millennia until the rest of his unit would finally stumble upon the scene.

My stepsister-of-sorts gave my leg a soft squeeze as I looked back at her with a tremor in my lip. “He s...saved me,” I whimpered. “Didn’t he?”

After a month apart, I made plans with Link for a night out on the pier, where we would celebrate the end of the Organization. The ice cream I’d promised him was at the top of my list of priorities for the evening. Tonight was a dessert-first night anyway, I’d decided. From there, we went and found ourselves a bite to eat at a seafood restaurant within walking distance. I’d hoped eating with him would feel like old times, but he hardly spoke a word throughout the whole meal. I tried lightening the mood with some banter, but this proved ineffective when he brushed off everything I said with mere one or two-word replies.

It wasn’t until I’d gotten us both a bit of something to drink that he finally broke the silence. “Have you...” he started, but lost the confidence to continue.

I perked up at the sound of his voice, wanting to hear more of it. “Have I...?”

“A-Ah...” His fingers poked at the copious amount of chips piled onto his plate next to the practically untouched fillet of fried fish. “I was just wondering if you’ve thought about what you’re going to do now, since...you know...you’re not a detective anymore.”

“Ah, right. That.” I took another sip of my drink, its contents long having fled my memory. “Actually, my auntie talked about it with me and she said she’d consider letting me inherit the company once I’ve acquired the proper education. So to answer your question, I’m thinking about going to school for engineering.”

His brows rose. “Oh! My, that’s—” He cleared his throat. “That’s brilliant. I’m happy for you.”

I thanked him with a hesitant grin, then asked, “How about you? Do you plan to stay on with the force, or...?”

“Ahh, well...” What little there’d been of an upward turn in his lips vanished. “I’m not sure, to tell you the truth. It’s something I’ve been mulling over for a while now. Whether to stay on and honour my father’s work, or...whatever other options are available, I suppose.”

“Do you want to hear what I think?” He raised his head. “I think you should do whatever you think would make you happiest. That’s what you’re father would have wanted, I’m sure.”

This finally, finally, got a real, unsubdued smile out of him. And I intended to milk that smile for all it was worth.

After dinner, I dragged him back down to the arcade on the pier, where I managed to ring a few laughs out of him while we were still a bit tipsy. We steered clear of the toy gun target-type games, favouring other stands like the ring toss where he won me a plush frog that I could only just get my arms all the way around. His aim was spectacular, especially for someone who wasn’t entirely sober. Not only that, but I could never have imagined how sweet and charming he would be like this. For a fleeting moment, it felt as though we’d gone back in time again. That, or the light from the setting sun was playing tricks on me.

But by the end of the evening, he’d reverted back to that quiet, reclusive version of himself that I’d quickly grown to detest. We were out on the docks now, facing the sea. The breeze carried a mist of saltwater within its bows. I breathed it in, soaking up the feeling of it hitting me softly and coolly in the face. A hint of pink in my partner’s cheeks caught my eye, and I wondered whether it was the cocktails or my arms, which were currently wound about his waist from behind.

“Beautiful sunset,” I tried, hoping I could get him to spare me a glance at least. “Isn’t it?” But to no avail. He only continued to gaze westward at the rippling flames reflected in the water. “Hey...” Before I knew what I was doing, my palm had found the warmth of his cheek, and there was hardly an inch or two of distance between the tips of our noses. Without giving myself time to think, I tilted my head, leaned in, and started to close my eyes.

But when I realized he wasn’t doing the same, I halted. On the contrary, he’d been leaning back and away from my advances, his back so rigid and shoulders so stiff it were as though he would sprout wings and bolt were I to make any sudden moves.

“What’s wrong?”

A harsh, jagged exhale. “Zelda, I just can’t—” He grabbed both my wrists and wrenched my arms off of him. “I’m sorry. We can’t do this.” He was bent over the railing, arms folded in on each other. “Not now,” he said, dwindling, “after I’ve gone and...murdered your only family.” A weary chuckle shook him by the shoulders before he raked his hands through his wind-tousled hair.

I fell into quiet thought for a moment. Then, taking a long, thorough breath, I placed a feather-light set of fingertips atop his own. “That woman was never my family.” I’d made up my mind. Figuratively or otherwise, my real mother had moved on a long time ago. And it was time I did the same.

Link must have seen the resolve in my eyes or heard it in my voice, because now he was looking back at me openly, his body turned to face me. Though there was still an air of uncertainty lingering about him as he ran the crease of his cuff between his fingers again and again. But when I brought my arms around him and held him close, he sank into my lips, returning my embrace at long last. A lone pair of tears fell from my eyes the moment they fluttered closed—a culmination of all past ordeals—and as they fell, I couldn’t help but smile.

[chemist-ana]

The New Rules- Sams POV

Book: The Nanny Affair

Characters: Sam, Ana Schuyler (MC), Robin, Sofia, Mason Sr., Mickey and Mason

Pairing: Sam Dalton (male) x Ana Schuyler (MC)

Rating: 18+

Content Warning: Sexual Language, Adult Language, Sexual Situations

A/N This is a brand new series that I was inspired to write. I am going to go chapter by chapter in Sam Daltons POV. This story is completely inspired by Choices The Nanny Affair. I have used most of the dialogue from the actual story, anything written in BOLD was taken directly from the book and therefore is not my writing- credit to our good friends over at Pixelberry! All characters are credit to Pixelberry except for my OCs

Summary: Life with Sofia around isn’t easy, but we are determined to not let it get to us.

Word Count: 5018- I just can’t seem to control myself with this story.

Tag List: @txemrn @secretaryunpaid @lifeaskim @aussieez @pixie88 @thefrenchiemama @sfb123 @mainstreetreader @shewillreadyou @khoicesbyk @choicesficwriterscreations @lady-calypso

I rarely used to have sleepless nights. Now? They are the new norm. I always wake up before dawn, and try to run the sexual frustrations of my restless dreams of Ana out of my system. I should have known by now, months after introducing her into my everyday life, that running alone doesn’t seem to satisfy my craving of her.

I step out of the shower, feeling the all too familiar burn of my exhausted muscles. I place my hands on either side of my bathroom sink and eye my reflection in the mirror, noticing the dark circles that have formed under my eyes. I take a deep breath and shake my head, here we go again, duty and responsibility right Dalton? Who the fuck am I kidding?

I pad into the kitchen, desperate for a cup of coffee to kick start my clouded mind. I pause for a moment when I see Ana, barefoot in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for the boys. God, I could get used to this view. I think she senses my presence, because she looks up and flashes me her beautiful smile.

“Morning, Ana. Something steamy to start your day?” I ask as I grab the coffee pot and two mugs.

“You read my mind.” She responds with a smile.

I mix her a cup, a little sugar, a little cream. Just how you like it. I hand it to her, our fingers brushing for a moment before she takes it out of my hand. She takes a sip and her lips curve into a small smile.

“So, you are the kids are hitting Coney Island this afternoon?” I lean back on the counter, bringing my coffee to my lips with a grin.

“All the rides and games we can handle. Sure you can’t come?” She glances over her shoulder at me as she mixes the ingredients for breakfast. Waffles I assume, god she does love my boys.

“Tempting, but-“ I hear the elevator ding. The only person who would show up here this early is Sofia. Why didn’t she text me that she was coming over? I drop my shoulders and fight the urge to sigh, I just do not have the energy for this right now.

“Darling!” Sofia walks into the kitchen, setting a grocery bag on the counter and walking up to me, throwing her arms around my shoulders, what the fuck?

“Oh! Sofia, what are you-“

“Saying good morning to my boo-bear, duh!” She chimes, as she tries to pull me in again but I step back with a smile. My eyes flick over to Ana who is watching us with a frown.

“We have company.” I turn my attention back to Sofia and her eyes narrow at me.

“It’s just Ana.” She bristles.

“Yeah… I’ve lost my appetite anyway.” Ana moves to set her coffee cup down on the counter. Damn it Sofia.

“Ana, you don’t have to leave. This is your home too, and Sofia needs to remember that.” Boy I am going to be eating those words later… but Sofia just rolls her eyes at me.

“Whatever. I’m here to see Ana anyway.” Her lips turn up in a devilish grin as she turns her attention to Ana. “Grab me a cup of coffee, and let’s chat.”

I clench my jaw, and take a deep breath as I watch Ana’s face turn to annoyance.

“Sofia, we talked about this. It’s not appropriate to ask Ana to fetch you things.” I see Sofia’s shoulders stiffen at my words, but she turns to the coffee maker and pours herself a coffee. I watch as she purses her lips, clearly biting her tongue.

The boys come running into the room, perfect timing.

“Morning. What’s for breakfast?” Mason asks pushing his glasses up on his nose as he takes a seat at the bar.

“Oooo, waffles! Score!” Mickey smiles as he takes a seat next to his brother.

“I thought you boys could use a little treat for breakfast.” Ana grabs the plate piled high with waffles, a loving smile on her face. I watch her face turn to frustration as Sofia grabs the plate out of her hand.

“Hey!” Ana exclaims.

“Sofia, surely that’s not necessary-“ I try to diffuse the growing tension, but Sofia interrupts.

“This kind of unhealthy eating is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about, Ana.” Sofia says with a smile. Oh great, we don’t all want to eat your cardboard Sof.

“But waffles…” Mason looks at his brother, their excitement turning to anguish.

“Don’t worry, Mickey. I grabbed some fresh spinach and mushrooms to put in an egg white omelette for you and your brother.” Sofia removes the contents of her grocery bag onto the counter.

“I’m Mason.” I cringe at his tone but Sofia appears completely unaffected.

“That’s what I said.” She responds without even looking up.

You are making this so difficult Sofia… why can’t you just get it right? Her matter of fact tone sends a clear message, she doesn’t care. I try to catch her eye but instead she walks over to the trash can and dumps the fresh waffles right into the garbage. I pinch the bridge of my nose.

“Sofia!” Goddamn it.

“Nooooo!” Mickey calls out.

“Sofia! That’s so wasteful! You just threw out perfectly good food!” Red hot color is spreading up Ana’s neck, her fists balled up at her sides.

“We can afford it.” Sofia sets the dish into the sink and gives Ana a smirk.

“Food waste is about more than just money, you know.” I can see Ana’s knuckles turning white as the resentment in her tone grows.

“Sam, back me up here.” Sofia finally turns her attention to me with a challenging look. Oh fuck.

I look back and forth between Ana and Sofia. Shit shit shit, ok, diplomatic answer time Dalton.

“While I don’t agree with her methods… maybe Sofia has a point?” I think that was good?

“Really? Not you too…” Mason trails off. Not now Mason.

“Sam, I know you gotta defend your fiancee, but seriously?” Ana turns her blazing emerald eyes on me.

“We should try to eat a little healthier… as a family.” I give her a pleading look.

“See?” Sofia chimes with victory.

“But Sofia, you owe Ana an apology for throwing her breakfast out. That kind of behavior is not acceptable.” I turn my attention back to Sofia. She narrows her eyes at me and I can see her bite the inside of her cheek.

I clench my jaw, don’t back down Dalton.

Sofia slowly turns to face Ana and utters a quiet apology. God even Mickey could apologize better than that. I shake my head and turn my attention back to my coffee, which has grown cold. I set the mug on the counter.

“Can we still get cotton candy at Coney Island this afternoon, Dad?” Mason has disappointment written all over his face when I look up at him.

“Coney Island? That rat-infested germ factory? Absolutely not! Boys your age need to be educated, not entertained. There are plenty of museums you could go to instead.” Sofia places her hands on her hips and looks back and forth between Mason and Mickey.

I manage to stifle my aggravated laugh. Goddamn it Sofia.

“But Dad! You said we could go ages ago!” Mickey’s eyes widen as he looks between Sofia and I.

“Boys… Sofia is a part of this family now, and we have to respect the adjustments that might require.” I say imploringly. “Besides, a museum doesn’t have to be boring. You two loved it when Ana took you to the planetarium, right?”

“That was totally different.” Mickey looks down at his empty plate.

“Yeah, no one promised we could go to Coney Island first.”

I bite my lip in frustration with a shake of my head. It's going to be a long day.

***

“Isn’t your father back in town now?” Sofia asks breaking me from my thoughts.

I bite the inside of my cheek and take a deep breath. Why did I agree to ride with her again?

“Yes.” I answer without breaking my focus on the people walking down 5th Avenue.

“Sam, darling, you better not be upset about this morning.” She purrs as she places her hand on my thigh.

I turn my attention back to her.

“Sofia, I really would rather not talk about it. I have other things on my mind.” I turn my gaze back to the window. Like Robin, my father, and our meeting this morning. I pull my leg out from under her hand right as the town car pulls to a stop outside of Dalton Enterprises. Perfect timing.

“Well alright, bye boo-bear!” She leans in and presses a soft kiss to my cheek.

“Bye, Sof.” I exit the town car before her driver can open the door, stepping out into the humid morning.

***

I tap my pen against my desk, my mind racing. I glance down at my watch. Are they both actually late? I haven’t seen Robin since my engagement party, fuck, I hope he doesn’t bring up Ana in front of my father.

I hear my office door open and look up to see Robin, his usual cocky smirk plastered across his annoying face. I narrow my eyes at him and it makes him smile even bigger.

“Mornin’ Sammy. How is my favorite nanny?” He sits down in the leather chair across from my desk.

“Rob, I swear to god, leave her alone.” I clench my jaw and ball my hand into a fist on my leg.

He laughs and puts his hands up in defense.

“Sam, really dude? What is going on between you two anyways? Clearly she is into you, you know that right?”

I don’t entertain his question with an answer, instead I look down at the quarterly numbers.

“Sam. What the fuck? You do know. Dude, what are you doing? You are going to be the one to hurt her. I should be telling you to leave her alone.”

“You have no idea what you are talking about.” My eyes fly up to his.

My office door opens again, and I look over Robin's shoulder to see my father enter the room. I turn my gaze back to Robin and shake my head. He gives me a scoff and looks up at the ceiling.

“My boys, it feels good to be back in the city.” My dad takes a seat in the chair next to Robin, looking between the two of us. “What? Did I interrupt something?”

“Did you know Sam got a new nanny for the boys?” Robin places his hands on his knees and leans back in the leather chair. “She is pretty great, isn’t she Sam?”

My whole body stiffens at his words. I clench my jaw and bite the inside of my cheek. Fuck I want to punch that look off of your play boy face, you ass hole. My dad shifts his attention to me.

“Thats great Sam. We want to meet her, I will have your mother call you later to arrange that. Let’s get down to business, shall we?”

***

When I get home that evening, I find Sofia in the kitchen. I walk up and place a soft kiss on her cheek.

“Are the boys home yet?” I set my stuff down on the bar.

“Nope, just you and me. By the way, this house was full of junk food. I took care of it though.” She makes a point to brush her hands as if she was cleaning up a mess. She walks up to me and wraps her arms around my waist pressing her hips into mine. I look down at her brown eyes.

“Soon this will be our home together Sam, I just want everyone to be on the same page.” Sofia bats her eyelashes at me.

“I get it, let’s just take it one day at a time okay? These boys are dealing with a lot of major changes, we need to be a little forgiving.” I lean down and kiss the top of her head. I pull away from her embrace and grab the New York Times off of the counter. “I am going to go read this.”

I take a seat on the couch, my eyes settling on the darkness that is settling over Central Park. I am lost in the transformation that happens between the day and night in this city. I have lived here for damn near my entire life, but I still can appreciate this view. I hear the elevator ding, and then the sound of footsteps echoing through the penthouse. I look up and my eyes land on Ana.

“You’re back. How was your day-“

“We went to Coney Island, and it was the best day of my life!” Mickey interrupts with the biggest smile on his face.

“Don’t tell Aunt Sofia. Okay, Dad?” Mason walks up next to his brother with a matching smile.

“Excuse me?” Sofia walks in behind them, her mouth twisted in anger.

“Uh, boys… why don’t you go start your bath?” I look between the twins and flick my eyes towards their bathroom.

“Dad, are we in trouble?” Mason asks his eyes growing wide.

“Not at all. I’ll come help you in a few minutes.” I give them both a reassuring smile and they turn and run out of the room, avoiding Sofia’s glare.

“You took them to Coney Island? After I explicitly told you not to?” I see Sofia turn her sights on Ana, her scowl deepening.

“Sofia they still had an educational day.” Ana doesn’t back down and color rises on her cheeks. “I taught them about physics and-“

“That’s not the point!” Sofia interjects.

“It seemed like the point this morning…” Ana takes a step towards Sofia, her hands balled into fists at her side.

“Calm down, Sofia.” Shit that usually has the opposite effect. “It sounds like the boys had a good day, plus they got to let off some steam after all these new changes.” I look at Sofia imploringly.

“Are you seriously siding with her?” Sofia wheels on me, narrowing her eyes.

“It’s not about sides. It’s about what’s best for Mason and Mickey.” I say calmly, trying not to get defensive. “And while art galleries certainly have their place in a well-rounded educational experience, I approve of Ana’s decision to take them to Coney Island today.” And I am their father. I hold my breath, gauging her reaction to my words. She stares at me for a moment, I assume because she thinks I am going to back down. I rise to her challenge and straighten my shoulders.

“Fine. I can tell when I’m not wanted.” She narrows her eyes at me one last time before turning on her heal and walking out of the room to call the elevator. Fuck, I am going to be answering for this later.

I take a deep breath as I watch her leave the penthouse, pinching the bridge of my nose and shaking my head. I turn my attention back to Ana, her emerald eyes trained on me.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go after her?” The corners of her lips turn up in a small smile.

“It’ll be better for everyone if I give her some space before we try to talk.” I bite my cheek to keep myself from matching her smile. “She’s gotta learn this relationship is going to have its compromises at some point.”

I cross over into the kitchen, inhaling the sweet scent of Ana as I graze by her. I fight the urge to wrap my arm around her waist and pull her delicious body to my chest. Instead, I open a bottle of merlot and pour us each a glass.

“So, Coney Island, huh?” Our fingers graze as she takes the wine glass from my hand, igniting that all too familiar spark. I lean against the counter and take a sip of the smooth wine.

“Yup.” Her eyes dancing with humor.

“You could at least pretend you feel bad about starting a fight.” I watch as her cheeks turn a rosy pink and she looks away with a smile.

“I could, but we both know you’d see right through me.” Her emerald eyes rise back to mine.

“True.” I admit, taking a deep breath. “Honestly, I’m glad you went. Sofia can be unreasonable, and she doesn’t get the boys… not like you. You make learning fun for them, and you let them be kids. I appreciate that.”

I finally notice the prize she has tucked under her arm.

“I guess the twins aren’t the only ones you let still be a kid.”

“Oh, this old thing?” She pulls the stuffed penguin from under her arm with a smile. “I got this for you.” She take a step towards me and boops me on the nose with it. Eva used to do that… it makes me laugh out loud as I look at it in my hands.

“I’ll think of you every time I see it.” I look back up at her eyes which have grown dark. I feel her gaze in my core. Goddamn it woman.”Seriously, Ana. Thank you.”

“Sam, I wish you could’ve been there. You were the only thing missing from an otherwise perfect day.” She studies my face for a moment before looking back down at the penguin in my hands..

“It would’ve been nice to enjoy the day with the twins… and you.” Like a real family. “Next time. I’lll fake sick. Promise.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that.” Her eyes lock back on me.

I can’t help but stare into her eyes, and I hear her breath catch. The electricity arcing between us. Before I realize it, our bodies are only inches apart.

“Sam…” Ana whispers, her lips parting in anticipation. What are you doing Dalton? Robin’s words echo in my head. You are going to hurt this beautiful woman and its going to be all your fault.

“Dad, how full are we allowed to make our bath?” Mickey calls from the bathroom. A blessing in this moment before I do something else I am not supposed to…

The moment between us broken, Ana’s laugh echos in the room.

“You should probably go.”

I nod, searching her face. I wish I could tell her that we can’t do this… but the words die on my lips. I leave to finish the routine with the boys, her infectious laugh bringing a smile to my lips.

***

I glance at my bedside clock and groan. God, I am so hungry. I get out of bed and pull on my jeans and a plaid button down. I need to find something else to eat.

I pad out into the dark penthouse, flipping the lights on in the kitchen. I take a deep breath before digging into every cupboard, she had to have missed something, right? Nope. She got it all. I sigh before opening the fridge.

“Sam? What are you doing?” I jump slightly at the sound of Ana’s voice before shutting the door and focusing my attention on her.

“Same as you, I’m guessing. Searching for sustenance. Fair warning, it’s every man for himself out here.” I say with a mocking smile.

“Are you threatening to eat me?” She says her eyes growing wide.

I take a moment to appreciate her pajamas, the way her yoga pants hug her curves and the thin sheer fabric of her t shirt exposing her hard nipples.

“I wasn’t thinking about that, but now that you’ve mentioned it…” I see her blush at my words and she gulps, which makes my cock twitch. I know you taste sweet beautiful girl, but I need more tonight. “Seriously, though, you don’t have nearly enough gluten to satisfy me right now.”

I turn my attention back to the kitchen, closing all the cupboards with a sigh.

“Giving up?” Ana leans her hip on the counter.

“Going out. I’m thinking of sneaking off for a burger and fries… maybe a slice of pie… definitely a milk shake.” I look back to her.

“You’ll have to burn any leftovers.” She says with a smile.

“Oh, there won’t be any leftovers. Would you like to come with? The boys are asleep, and I’m sure Carter can hold down the fort while we’re gone. I think we both could use a little something sweet to tide us over…” Plus I wouldn’t mind spending an evening out with you…

She bites her lip and gives me a small nod.

“Let me go change first.” She turns quickly on her heels and leaves the room.

I type out a quick text to Carter and meet Ana in the foyer. We take the quick ride down to the street which is still bustling with people.

“Dare I ask where you’re taking me?” She smiles as I place my hand on the small of her back leading her down the street.

“You can ask… but I won’t tell. It’s a surprise.” I glance sideways at her with a smile.

“I’m not so sure I like surprises.” She says in a defeated tone. If only all surprises were as good as you.

“Really? I’ve recently come to like them.” I wrap my fingers around her waist as we dodge oncoming pedestrians.

“You mean like when Sofia surprised you on your birthday?” She looks up at me.

“God no, I was thinking more about when you suddenly appeared in my life…” I look down at her to see her lips spread wide in a smile. There’s that beautiful smile. “Ah, here we are.” I stop in front of Clements and open the door, ushering Ana inside.

“Ohmygod, is this heaven?” I watch Ana’s eyes flutter closed as she inhales the smells.

Close beautiful, especially being here with you.

The waitress gives us the go ahead to sit wherever we would like and I follow Ana to a corner booth in the back. I slide into the booth and Ana slides in right next to me, settling so our bodies are touching. I hear her sigh and I look down at her, a content look on her face as her eyes wander around the small diner.

“Comfy?” I ask her quietly.

“Very. I could stay like this forever.” She looks back over at me, her emerald eyes shining. Oh beautiful there are a lot of other ways I would rather spend forever with you, like on top of you, or under you.

“Really? There are a few other positions I’d prefer… although all of them do involve having you in my arms.” I remark, a familiar surge of desire shooting through me. ‘

Her eyes darken in response and I see her clench her thighs together, you have the same effect on me.

“What can I get started for you?” The waitress brings me out of my fantasy.

“What are the specials today?” I ask turning my attention to her.

“We’ve got the Sweetheart Special right now. Perfect for a couple like you two, if you’re interested…”

“Us? A couple? You caught us!” Ana says quickly before I have a chance to respond. I look at her out of the corner of my eye and I see her lovely smile. She reaches for my hand and we intertwine our fingers together. “We’re newlyweds, actually.”

I will play this game with you.

“Yeah, I can’t imagine my life without her.” I pull our locked hands onto my lap and flash her a loving smile, your hand feels perfect in mine.

“Makes sense! You have that glow about you.” The waitress looks between us writing something down on her pad. “Consider the Sweetheart Special on the house.”

I order the rest of our meal, and as the waitress leaves, an uncomfortable silence descends on our table. I can feel the nervous energy pouring off of Ana as she avoids my gaze.

“You doing okay over there?” I look over at her, our hands still intertwined on my lap, her gaze focused on the table.

“Totally! I was just thinking about how I’ve never been here before. It’s nice. I cook all he time, but it always tastes better when someone else does it for you. Especially if your cooking is terrible. Which maybe mine is. Ohmygod, I never asked you guys, I just assumed-“ Ana’s cheeks have turned rosy as she answers my question. She’s nervous Dalton, why?

“Whoa, whoa, slow down.” I give her hand a squeeze and I watch her take a deep breath. “It’s just me, Ana. You don’t have to be nervous.”

“Sam, I can’t help it. You’re you, and I’m me!”

“Exactly. We’ve had tons of conversations, just the two of us. Nothing’s changed.” Except everything is different right now, I know…

“This is… well, it’s different. It’s not the same as all the other times we’ve talked before.” Her eyes have grown wide as she finally looks up into mine.

“‘Cause we’re at a diner?” I ask casually.

“‘Cause we’re basically on a date.” She puts emphasis on her last word and her face drops as she looks back at the table. “And you’re still engaged to Sofia.”

She pulls her hand away from mine and places them in her lap. I watch her wring her fingers together for a moment. God, I definitely didn’t mean to make you upset… comfort her asshole. I take a breath and bring my arm around her shoulders, she immediately leans into my touch with a soft sigh. You fit so perfect…

“I’m sorry, Ana. I was being insensitive to your feelings. I didn’t invite you out here to make you feel bad. I just wanted to treat you to a piece of pie, promise.” And I wanted to spend time with you… alone… like a ‘normal’ couple.

“I know, it’s just… it’s all so confusing.” She responds quietly.

I know she was about to say more when the waitress returns to the table, setting down a large strawberry milkshake and two straws. When she leaves my eyes return to Ana’s face, hoping she will elaborate.

“Sam, let’s just enjoy the night. Starting with this milkshake.” She leans away from me, grabbing a straw and taking a sip.

“Are you sure?” I narrow my eyes at her slightly, not convinced she is alright.

“Positive. Dibs on the cherry.” She says with a laugh as she pops the cherry in between her pink lips. God I can think of something else I want to put between those pretty pink lips. The thought makes my cock twitch. The waitress returns with the rest of our meal and I watch the smile spread on Ana’s face. So beautiful…

“I was right, this is heaven.” She surveys the burger and fries.

“Wait ’til you try the pie.”

We eat in a comfortable silence, the nervous energy from earlier suddenly gone.

“Wow, you really don’t know how much you miss sugar until it’s completely eradicated from your diet.” Ana sits back with a sigh.

“In the future, we’ll just have to satisfy our sugar craving in other ways…”

“Oh? Got something particular in mind?” She looks up at me, her emerald eyes darkening.

Oh you know what I mean, beautiful. The waitress shows up with the pie, removing our empty plates and setting it down between Ana and I with a smile. Ana’s eyes never leave mine.

“You’re not getting out of answering that easily.” Her voice laced with desire.

“You already know exactly what I’m thinking, Ana.” I clench my jaw and lower my eyebrows. I watch her breath catch and a blush creep up her neck at the intensity of my gaze. I turn my attention to the cherry pie. I can see Ana’s eyes still trained on me as I take a bite of the pie.

“I want…” Her voice trails off.

“What do you want, Ana? Tell me, and it’s yours.” I look into her eyes.

“I want you to feed me.” She says breathlessly.

“Consider your wish granted.” I take another piece of pie and lift it up to her lips. She opens her mouth and a surge of desire shoots through me.

“Ohmygod…” She moans her eyes fluttering shut. Fuck you are making me hard, and you have the smallest bit of cream on your lip.

“You’ve got a little something on your lip.” I lean towards her, inhaling her scent, and reach my thumb up to wipe the cream from her lip. Before I have a chance to move away her tongue darts out of her mouth and licks my thumb. Fuck. I moan her name as I reach out and place my hand on her cheek. Her eyes flutter shut again, her long eyelashes fanning across her delicate skin. I can imagine you taste so sweet right now… cherries and Ana…

Suddenly my phone buzzes on the table. Ana’s eyes fly open and she leans back in the booth. I grab my phone to silence the incessant noise with a loud sigh.

I clear my throat when I see its my mother calling.

“Hello?”

“Hello Sam darling, your father told me that you have a new nanny for the boys.”

“Oh… yes. I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

“Robin told your father that she is quite the young lady and great with the boys.”

“Yeah, she’s great.” My eyes flick to Ana as she stares at me quietly.

“We want to meet her, and of course I want to see my grand children. Why don’t you guys come to the club next week?”

“You want to… Next week? A-alright, Mom. See you then.” Shit… goddamn it Robin.

“Ciao, Sam and say hi to the boys for me.”

I hang up the phone with a sigh. My eyes meet Ana’s.

“What was all that?” She eyes me curiously finishing another bite of pie.

“My parents. They want to meet you.”

I turn my eyes to the people walking by outside the window… fuck.

[mrs-dynamight]

Be Nice To Me 5

Part 4.

*************************************************

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!Reader, Denki Kaminari x fem!Reader

Warnings: Eventual mature content, angst, hurt/comfort, love triangle, the reader is lowkey toxic, everything will be adressed in every episode (:

Chapter warning: Swearing, steamy make out session (borderline porn but not really), mentions of other couples form 1A

Chapter: 5/?

Synopsis: You're in love with your best friend Bakugou, and you're cofessing to him but things get a lot more complicated when Denki starts to treat you different *wink wink*

Word count: 3.9k

Author's note: This is sooo long, but I loved writing it, I deeply suggest you listen to the song of the title (here). I'm honestly living my coming-of-age indie kid fantasy with this chapter, as always any suggestion is welcomed.

Chapter 5 First Day of my Life- Bright Eyes

Thank to every single Deity that my weekend was packed with internship work so I didn’t have a minute to think about the emotions bubbling up in my heart and my mind, I came to my room exhausted and directly to sleep.

I didn’t talk to any of my friends that weekend, I had a couple of texts from the groupchats, in one of them there were unresolved questions about my date with Katsuki, and on the other one were the flashes for the Fridays gig and good luck wishes to Bakugo who was going to leave the morning after the show, so they planned a goodbye party in the dorms after the gig, Aizawa surprisingly agreed but under any circumstances we were allowed to having alcohol or any other illicit activity inside the UA facilities, not like that could’ve stopped my favourite trio of dumbasses, Mina, Denki and Sero were already planning on smuggle some liquor to the dorms, that was going to be one epic night.

Monday morning finally came, and as much I would love to just spend the day in my bed sleeping and watching Tiktok I needed education, my muscles were sore of the whole weekend roaming the city with Mirko, who seemed unable to getting tired, but I stilled reunited the forces to get dressed, brush my teeth and tried to look like a decent human being, emphasis in the tried part.

As I climbed down the stairs to the common room for a bite of whatever was in the fridge, I saw a beautiful ash blonde guy drinking his usual morning juice with protein powder.

-Morning Draw, you look like shit-

-Well you look handsome as ever ‘Tsuki, thanks for the kind words of the day, you know how to make a woman start the week in the best way possible- I replied while heading to the kitchen

-But seriously what is that Bunny forcing you to do on weekends? Crack? -

I didn’t reply but instead I just blowed him a kiss and start munching on a toast with excessive amount of jam, Tsuyu and Ochako were eating cereal next to Deku, the three of them saw my whole interaction with Katsuki with those weird eyes that just screamed “marry him already”, I told them I had to talk to them, and they all agreed that lunch time with Tenya and Shoto were the gossip time of choice, I waited for the girls to finish eating and we headed class.

------------------------------------

-YOU TWO FINALLY KISSED?!?- Ochako screamed with excitement

-Is he a good kisser? - Asked Deku pulling out his notebook in the “Kachaan” section

-How’s that relevant to the hero notebook? – I asked Deku

-Wait, isn’t he going to another country on Saturday? –

-Well yes Tenya, that’s the other thing I wanted to talk you guys about-

Then I started to explain the whole predicament of waiting for him and his words about that.

-Wow did he really said that having a girlfriend would be a distraction? - said Tsuyu with a concerned look on her face

I didn’t really thought about that harsh phrase, but it was Bakugo, right? He always says things that hurt other people’s feelings, that’s just him

-He sounded honest, but he shouldn’t have hurt your feelings like that-

-It didn’t hurt my feelings, Shoto, I’m used to him saying things like that all the time-

-That can’t be good Y/N, you can’t just get used to people hurting you, especially if you want to have a relationship, and a long-distance one, where things usually get a little tougher- Said Ochako

-I would consider wait for him to return Y/N, so that way you can both be clear about what you expect for each other- Deku said hiding his face in the Katsudon plate in front of him

I wanted to talk to them about what happened with Denki, but I was afraid they just said that I was overthinking, we’ve always been very close friends; but so were they, why was I so reluctant to talk about me and Denki? Maybe saying it out loud could somehow make it more real.

We finished our lunch and headed to class, the rest of the day went pretty neutral, as well as the rest of the week, but the thought of Bakugo leaving haunted me, he didn’t said or did anything special, we didn’t talked about our kiss or our lovely words, it was like it didn’t happen at all, we came back to being just friends. Denki was purposely avoiding me, I could notice it, anytime I wanted to talk to him he just made up some excuse and leave quickly, the rest of the Bakusquad was busy with the whole party preparations and the Dekusquad was as lovely as always, they told me a million times in that week that they will be there for me no matter what I choose to do; as for me, I was just as confused as Monday morning.

I didn’t wanna go to the party, or the gig, I just wanted to go to my room, listen to sad music, and feel pity for myself until I ceased to exist, but it was definitely off limits, I promised Denki I would go with him to the soundcheck, there was only this last one class, but I wasn’t really in the mood for maths, so I decided the best for me was head back to the dorms and stop thinking so much about everything, missing a class wouldn’t kill me.

When my life crumbles down there is only one thing in the whole world that could make me feel better, and that is loud music, so there I was, headphones to the max, airplane mode on, eyes closed and mouthing every word like a prayer, I felt like every lyric was washing away my worries and doubts, reassuring me that everything was (not) okay, I was so concentrated in my music I didn’t heard the knocking on my door, and didn’t heard a certain blonde calling my name, it was until I felt a big hand in my shoulder that I realized that Bakugo wasn’t in class either, but in my dorm room, with a worried face.

-Fucking dumbass, why aren’t you in class? You’re going to fail math, again-

-I wasn’t feeling like going to class- I said with a bit of guilt, it probably sounded like a lame ass excuse, but at least it was the truth

-Not feeling like going to class? What the fuck do you think this is, a game? Math is your worst subject and if you fail I won’t be here to tutoring you, you can’t fail-

He was worried, I could tell, he just turned every emotion in pure acidic rage, not like knowing this would make his words hurt less, I didn’t want to admit that the thought of being far from him made my heart ache and my eyes water, and it didn’t help the lack of contact of the week, I was looking forward to another one of his tender kisses, or any sign that what happened last Friday was real

-I’m hurt Katsuki, a week ago it seemed like you wanted to be with me, despite everything and this past days you were acting like nothing happened, I don’t know what to think or what to do, I don’t know what's going on with you, how are you feeling, you don’t say anything, you don’t do anything, you just hide your feelings away in your cocoon of rage-

-See, that is exactly why I didn’t want to kiss you in the first place, I knew it would only lead to problems, that’s the reason I didn’t want to tell you I liked you before going away, I knew you would react like this, I told you the truth, I can’t be your Boyfriend, I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings-

And surprisingly I found myself inside his big arms in a tight hug, his face hiding in the crook of my neck, I put my arms around his slim waist and we just stayed there for a solid ten minutes before breaking the contact.

-I don’t want this to hurt you Y/N, I can’t be with you right now, I can’t give you what you need, and as I told you the other night, I don’t want you wasting your time waiting for me-

-I don’t wanna let you go ‘Tsuki- I said with tears in my eyes

-You won’t, think it like this, if this is meant to be, and I know it is, when we see each other again, in a better place, in a better time, it will happen. I don’t know where or when, but I promise you we will be together, but please don’t throw your life away waiting for me-

- That sounded as if we were breaking up-

-We aren’t, this is only the beginning, I promise-

I was being selfish, it was obvious that this was also hurting him, he was being mature and caring, thinking about what was good for the both of us, before the things we wanted, maybe he was right, this was meant to be, just not right now, right person wrong time troupe right, but with a happy ending, right?

That was one of the most bittersweets moments in my life, I was happy to know that Bakugo thought about us as endgame, just like I did, we were still young, we had plenty of time, all the time in the world, I shouldn’t have worried about his feelings, he told me I should never doubt that he liked me, and I was willing to make that compromise.

-Let’s have a good time tonight, ‘Tsuki, for what I know, tomorrow you could be kissing some European woman and forgetting our promise-

-You get jealous that easy, Draw? Already afraid you’d lose me, huh? - He said with a smirk on his face and getting closer to me

I swallowed with nervousness, but I didn’t break the visual contact

-Aren’t you afraid I fall for another guy in the meanwhile? -

-You’ll have to find someone better than me first, and we both know there isn’t such thing, and besides that, you’re not mine, I don’t owe you, I only own the feelings you have for me, and as long as those exist I’ll do everything to be with you. So, that’s a no, I don’t care about any other guy- He said with his lips softly brushing against mines -But right now, I want to be the only thing in your mind- And saying those words he kissed me.

He wasn’t being gentle like the last time we kissed, there was a hunger, a neediness within his kiss, he wasn’t being rough tho, but I could feel the burning intensity in his movements. He pulled apart and looked into my eyes for any sign of discomfort, but when he met my half lidded gaze filled with love, he slammed his lips against mines one more time, his tongue brushed my lips asking for consent to enter my mouth, to which I responded opening it just enough for him to start moving it, massaging it with my own with a rhythmic pace, his hands travelled down to my hips, it seemed like he wasn’t nervous at all, but I on the contrary was almost shaking, we broke the heated kiss with flushy cheeks and sweaty hands, I looked into his eyes and I could see the lust behind his crimson irises. A million questions started bubbling in my mind, does this means he want to have sex with me? Right here and now? He must have noticed the concerned look in my face because his next words were

-Hey, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, sorry if it was too much-

-It wasn’t, it’s just I’ve never, I mean I haven’t… have you? – I asked with an obvious blush on my cheeks

-Just once, it wasn’t bad, but I figured out it could have been better if it was with someone I loved, like you. We don’t have to do anything tho, I just wanted to kiss you-

A strange relief passed my body, he didn’t want me to give myself to him in this exact moment, and I was glad for it, as much as I loved him I felt like this wasn’t the right moment for it, but I still wanted to do other things with him, I mean, this was his last day in the UA, and my first time making out with somebody, we still had a few of hours before the soundcheck. I lead him to my bed and pushed him into it so he could be sitting.

-Y/N are you sure you want to do this? – He wanted to be sure that there was no pressure in doing anything I didn’t want to

-We don’t have to go all the way in, I just want to make sure you feel loved and have fun on your last day, and besides, we already missed math class- And just as this last words escaped my lips I sat in his lap and started kissing his cheekbones softly, his hands went from his sides to my hips as he started to plant open mouth kisses in my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.

-And what about you? You want to feel loved too? – He said against my ear, nibbing at the lobe, I nodded softly, closing my eyes and giving myself in to the feeling of his strong hands in my body, his raspy voice in my ear and the feeling of his lust between my legs.

Our heated make out session made me forgot everything I had in my mind, I was only focused in Bakugo, I couldn’t even began to explain how loved he was making me feel in that moment.

-I have to go packing, but I really like your lips, see my problem here? – He said with a sigh, after a while -I’m actually not in the mood for a party tonight, I would rather having a good night of sleep-

-You’re so boring ‘Tsuki, you sound like an old man with two divorces who is starting to get bald-

-‘Tch, would you rather seeing me drunk and staying up late and doing dumb shit I’ll regret about when I sober up like the rest of those losers? –

-Yes! Only this one time, before you have to go away, let’s get drunk and watch the sunrise, then I could go on with my life in peace-

- Ugh and being hungover in a 7-hour fly? Really, that is your idea of a last night with me? –

I tried to make the best puppy eyes I could as I just said “pretty please” in the most dramatic way possible.

-UGH fine, but don’t you forget that you owe me something for being a fucking loser in Mario Kart-

-Anything for you ‘Tsuki- I said while planting a kiss on his cheek

With a smirk on his face he told me he would tell me what he wanted right before leaving, and I was okay with that, we said goodbye with one last kiss and he went to his dorm room to finish packing. Then I remembered I had my phone on Airplane mode, as I deactivated it I saw a bunch of unread messages, most of them were from my concerned friends asking if I were okay, I answered in the dekusquad groupchat that everything was fine, and immediately they began asking questions about Bakugo and me being both missing math class, I replied a single smiling emoji and they knew we were together. Denki messaged me about ten minutes ago “Hey Y/N I can’t wait for you to come to the soundcheck with me” followed by a cursed image of someone T-posing on top of a drumset, I couldn’t help but laugh, and I replied with an even more cursed image.

-------------------------------------------------------

I was in Denkis car, Katy Perry blasting through the speakers and Denki and I having a carpool karaoke singing Last Friday Night like our life depended on it, it felt like he hasn’t being avoiding me all week, there we were laughing and having a good time. The soundcheck was actually really funny, Jirou who is usually very quiet was obviously the leader, giving orders here and there, I wasn’t completely alone while the band was getting ready to perform, Momo was an official member of the band but she didn’t continue playing with them, but she never missed one of Jirous’ performances, they were obviously very much in love, I couldn’t help to notice the way she looked at Jirou the whole time, and I wondered if that was the same way I looked at Bakugo, I remembered the words that Tsuyu said to me, does everyone knew I was in love with Denki?...

Shit, my mind pictured Denki when my train of though was about Bakugo; it probably were because I was watching Denki plugging his guitar and waving at me at that exact same moment, or did I really thought of Denki when I was thinking about love? A feel of guilt started to build in my heart, just a few hours ago I was making out with Bakugo, and now I was watching Denki going different directions with cables and amplifiers and I couldn’t help but feel like I was in love with him. Momo probably noticed my worried expression because she asked me if everything was right, I just had to lie and tell her that I was okay when in reality I was panicking, I excused myself and went to the bathroom to splash some cold water in my face like the actresses do in every movie to calm themselves down, and apparently it worked, so with more confidence I walked out of the bathroom. When I came back to the table Momo and I were sharing I noticed that people were starting to arrive, I sat next to Momo again and tried to have a casual conversation about school, training, internships and just normal student stuff when I felt a well-known pair of hands covering my eyes.

-Hi Denki- I said as I chucked

-How did you knew it was me? – He genuinely asked

-How couldn’t I? -

-Hey Kaminari, we’re starting in ten- Said Jirou planting a kiss in her girlfriends’ lips

Bakugo arrived just in that exact same moment, I almost forgot he was also going to perform, I didn’t know how to act with other people around us, I wanted to kiss him, but I also didn’t want Denki to see it, I couldn’t help but feel like an awful person for my last thought.

-Hey Draw, long time no see you- Said Bakugo like his tongue wasn’t on my throat a few hours ago

I flipped him off with a smile and blowed him a kiss and continued talking with Denki about who would win in a fight between a bear and a shark, we were currently discussing how long the bear could hold his breath, I turned my head to look at Bakugo and he was already staring at us with the saddest expression I’ve ever seen, and as he noticed my eyes on him he changed it to his usual annoyed one

-You two are the dumbest persons I know- He said, giving us one of his angry looks

-Guys, we’re up- Said Tokoyami grabbing his guitar pick and heading to the stage

-Break a leg guys! - Said Momo giving Jirou one last good luck kiss

Bakugo winked an eye to me and went to the stage without saying anything, my eyes followed his figure to the stage when a sudden voice in my ear made me jump a little bit

-Keep your eyes on me- Whispered Denki in my ear before planting a kiss on my cheek

They started the show, the powerful voice of Jirou quickly caught everyone’s attention, they gotten better over the years, you could tell they were in their prime, usually my eyes were always fixed in the blonde drummer, but tonight they were mesmerized with Denkis fingers skilfully playing with his guitar chords, pearls of sweat in his forehead, a big smile on his face, and golden eyes all over me, he looked perfect.

Suddenly I began to notice everything the boy did, every time his voice intertwined with Jirous’ for a perfect harmony, every movement looked so natural and… sexy? I didn’t noticed I was holding my breath until I heard Shotos’ voice next to me, trying to be heard over the noise coming from stage

-Sorry we’re late, Tenya got lost-

I heard it, but my mind was somewhere else, it was in Denkis’ Kaminari palm. It was almost an hour of absolute bliss, without a single thought crossing my mind just the image of the boy in front of me. I heard the last song of their setlist and prepared for the usual announcement of the end of the show but instead they all waved and came down from stage, all except one, Denkis’ voice was a little shaky when he spoke on the microphone:

-Hi everybody! Thank you so much for coming today, hope you’re doing alright, now we don’t usually do this, but you’ll see, tonight is a very special night, the last one for a while because we’re going to be drummerless tomorrow morning, sooo anyways, I would like to sing a very special song for a very special someone who is here with us tonight, she’s just everything to me, Y/N this is for you-

I felt like I was on fire, the rush of blood went straight to my cheeks, I was suddenly shaking with nervousness, my palms were sweating and I swore everyone could hear my heartbeat, I didn’t wanted to look away from Denki, but I could feel my friends eyes on me. Was this actually happening? The first chords of Denkis’ acoustic guitar confirmed that it wasn’t a dream, his soft voice drowned every other sound, suddenly everything else went dark, it was only the two of us. I paid attention to the words he was saying, he was pouring his heart out, in front of everyone, for me

"Yours was the first face that I saw

I think I was blind before I met you"

This was a love song; Denki was telling me he loved me with every syllable coming out of his mouth and every note from his guitar

"And so I thought I'd let you know

Yeah, these things take forever, I especially am slow

But I realized that I need you

And I wondered if I could come home"

It was perfect, I couldn’t help but tearing up, nobody has ever done something remotely as romantic as this, he sounded so sincere, so drunk with affection, he was obviously nervous, but his eyes were fixed on me

"I'm glad I didn't die before I met you

But now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you

And I'd probably be happy

So if you wanna be with me

With these things there's no telling

We just have to wait and see

But I'd rather be working for a paycheck

Than waiting to win the lottery.

Besides, maybe this time is different

I mean, I really think you like me."

The last strumming of his guitar vanished in the air, and suddenly everything went back to normal, the people around us, the noises, the shocked faces in my friends faces, and the absence of Bakugo.

************************************************

Wowowow this was an emotional rollercoster, but what can I say I love drama, thanks to @warrior-princess1 for proof-reading this

Taglist: @mikasalt

[pen-observing]

Tall, dark, handsome stranger (Ruin)

A devoid life in high society makes you question what making a choice for a passionate life really means. A party brings Lucifer, that beautiful creature, as an answer to what you’re truly looking for.

Warnings: mentions of abuse and infidelity, Lucifer uses a fake name, reader is gn!, I legit hint at you being horn knee but try to be very poetical about it

MASTERLIST

How many years have you spent standing on side-lines? How many years have you already toyed with the concept of regret between your fingers? Some may claim that time is an illusion; a filthy thief drenched in dread – it seems like an excuse; not a justification. An excuse of the lowest kind for those who have trouble admitting that time is very much real. It’s perception, it’s effect, it’s reminders. Time reminds you just how much you are choking in this very room. Nothing but a small human; with a delicate neck, heart full of pain and a wish to live something out on your own terms.

Your wish is as grand as this very room; all golden shine and lights that could be eternal. Delicate order of decorations that scream extravagance. A royal place fitted for the higher educated. A place with such dazzling faces which just pass by without making an impression on your soul. If you dislike it so much; why are you here?

History would claim it was security. History would claim it was a privilege. You just claim it was fear that resulted in a fitting circumstance for a better life. Right now, you are married to a rich noble who, sadly, only has that to offer. It is enough to survive, not enough to fill a void inside your head; inside your soul, inside of this damned ballroom.  

Was it a blessing or a curse which brought you alone to this party? Having to chat empty words with emptier minds as the music plays was torture. However, your spouse’s presence would make things even more unbearable.

As much as you want to break out, explode; turn the gold into dust – you could not bear such fleeting hope after 5 years of the same life. The same parties, the same ruin. Why should something about tonight be different? Perhaps, because you did not imagine time to play illusions on you, yet, alas, time plays along and alone.

Smooth words and fancy talking are never as interesting as hearing about a new face in such a boring crowd. Apparently, a man of black and red with enigmatic features came tonight. Nobody knows him, but - they all talk. It was only a matter of time before someone directed your attention towards him. An unimportant Madam made a casual remark about how: ‘‘All the handsome charms of this world could be in one man, but he would still be unfitting for company.’’ Why?

He was leaning against the wall opposite of you; a gloved hand holding a wine glass. Looking to the side outwardly showing distaste and unamusement for tonight’s crowd. If only you had the luxury of doing so. He was a free man while you were just a human tied to societal standards. Perhaps your eyes lingered a bit too long, perhaps time decided to play again; whatever the excuse or justification you want; your eyes met.  

An invisible string of connection.   Apparently, a strong pull.

When the Madame stepped away and you secluded next to a neighboring pillar; that string tugged his presence closer to you. It must have been his intention. You’ve seen his types before, why should he be more interesting than the surface? He would probably try to flirt just looking for trouble.

“It would seem that you have a strong desire to escape this place. Tell me, where would your soul rather be?”  

Inside of somewhere and something that doesn’t cry of emptiness. “Instead of answering such a pointless question, I will just acknowledge that you were able to see through my joy filled act.”

Was he observing you or just naturally gifted at judging other people? His words were fancy but not without genuine interest in his tone. Did he actually care?  

“If that is the case allow me to acknowledge how rude it is to ask a question without properly introducing myself. My name is Amias.”  

Looking back at such an introduction now, you know you should have stayed away. Why nurture the small hope while time sings a song about how this could be the one thing you are looking for? The song is tantalizing, your soul dances along to the melodious promise.  

You’ve been inside of these circles long enough to spot a dangerous man. You should have been more logical instead of surrendering to emotions. Why? For what cruel game are you dancing with him right now? For what purpose is his scent so captivating, his eyes so seductive and his touch so smooth? Why is his hand trailing down your back?  

Why aren’t you worried about the higher society? Why? You are married with a vow to a noble who seems to embody goodness to everyone inside this room! Even conversing with this handsome stranger can create rumors. Dancing with him creates a scandal.  

Why, why? You could have continued a historically secure life without tasting what is forbidden, would that have been so wrong?!  

Wrong? No. Creating more of that emptiness? Yes.  

Perhaps, you glided under gold with this man because only you know how a secure life for you means only financial stability. Your spouses’ hands are never this gentle, your spouses’ voice is never this delicate. His voice, however, is honey.  

Dancing, trembling with excitement as the anticipation grows from what this man does to you; this, this was the one thing you’ve been chasing. A chance to not play it safe, to not stay on the side-lines. Something to fill the emptiness of this life which has been a void for so long.  

This was a matter of choice only. Amias could give you whatever you longed for. Why wouldn’t you discretely invite him home? Why wouldn’t you give this man your body and soul while well aware about how his name itself was a lie?

His eyes are so pretty. His touch is so satisfying.   You want more.  

Yes. This is your choice.   You choose your own suffering. It might as well have some pleasure woven into it.   After all, Anna Karenina made a similar choice as well.

These strings are binding.   You are not free, he is. You are tied inside an empty life chasing a spark.

If you choose ruin, why not choose the hands of a beautiful stranger to bring it to you?

What is this? This is just an idea I got months ago for which inspiration finally came! Rejoice oh thee who cares! I tried to make it appropriate. One anon recently said they were afraid of asking too many questions so I am here to officially state: ASK WHATEVER YOU WANT! Be free! Honestly I read Anna Karenina in high school and remembered her while I was thinking about this. Speaking of reading, this might be my way of procrastinating on all the assignments I have. Am I rambling? Definitely. I just hope tumblr does this fic justice with tags!