#and i wish ppl would stop insisting otherwise

[infiniteorangethethird]

"oh but talking with people is so easy and emotionally rewarding!" well maybe your brain comes equipped with "ability to read social cues" and "automatic supply of appropriate responses". I have to do that shit manually and let me tell you, not only is that more exhausting, it also gives space to a lot more fuckups for which I have to clean up the mess afterwards

[natewriteslol]

Hello! Can I request some fluffy headcanons of kalim, ruggie, duce, Leona and riddle (separately please) with an S/O who just walks up to them and kisses them all over there face and ends it with a big kiss on there lips and then just walks away? Like it's just happeneds once every day to the point that it's a routine lol. And i hope you have a good day/night!

Reader is gender neutral

Kalim:

-The first day you do it, he absolutely loves it 

-Doesn’t matter where you are and even if you’re in front of others he’ll only get a tad bit embarrassed

-He needs it at MAX every 2 days, even then you’re pushing it

-Kalim wants to be showered with love all the time, otherwise he claims that you’re “starving” him

-“Y/NNNNN... where is my kiss special?”

-“Kalim, I just gave it to you like thirty minutes ago?”

-“That’s too long Y/N and you know it!”

-smh rich ppl being so demanding

Ruggie:

-He will request this if he’s going off somewhere important or if you’re just cuddling in bed

-It helps him destress and he really loves attention

-One day you were getting up to go to go get some snacks when you were resting in the Savanaclaw dorm

-However, Ruggie insists that he goes and gets them, however there is a catch

- Whenever he does a circle motion around his face, it means that he wishes for the kiss special

-It’s basically one of his forms of currency for him to do things for you

Deuce:

-Isn’t really used to touchy feely with romantic partners

-So when you did that to him, and then just walked away, he was incredibly flustered, telling you to come back 

-He slowly gets used to it, but never do it in public or else he’ll die of embarrassment 

-But he does love the attention you give

-Do it every once in a while and he’ll absolutely love it 

Leona:

-You were wishing him goodbye before you went to one of your school clubs

-It was in the hallway, and instead of giving him a regular kiss on the cheek, you kissed him everywhere

-And he started to get fussy in the middle of it, however he just “allowed” it 

-Despite “disliking” this affection he actually loves it and misses when you don’t do it

-He won’t ask for it verbally, however you can most definitely tell from the mood improvement after you do it that he wanted it 

Riddle:

-If you do this infront of other people he would be so embarrassed oh my goodness, never do that

-He needs to keep his reputation of having himself together, and you smothering him with love (while he likes it) is just too much

-However in private he really needs it, it reassures him alot and it’s very comforting

-But that doesn’t stop him from getting flustered, his face would erupt into a blush while giggling

-But in public he would try and shoo you away, straight up beat red with his friends snickering at him and your lovey dovey-ness

[bread52487]

This is an idea I had, so. Enjoy ig? It's probably gonna be a one shot unless ppl like it and I get more ideas. Uhm, in this universe I'm writing in for plot reasons the rifts from the end of season 4 didn't happen as bad. They still happened, and it still shook things up enough. A pretty decent earthquake basically. But it didn't split the town like a bad relationship.

There are still some sizeable rifts, but basically it's a universe where they either killed vecna or just hurt him enough he went crawling into a hole somewhere before he could finish doing his big bad things and split the earth open totally. Just some bigger than normal hellportals.

Also I have no clue what to call this lol.

⚠️ warning for relatively cannon typical blood and violence and bullying. Also descriptions including kinda gross sounding words lol. ⚠️

Tags: fix-it, steddie, pre-steddie, humor (?. Idk am I funny?), cannon divergence, vampire Eddie (sorta), kas Eddie (also sorta), weird Demobat hybrid Eddie (yeah mostly that)

~~~

The Upside Down was the same as it had been last time Steve was here, and the time before that. It was still and quiet, like a photograph of the town from the day the first gate had opened. A snapshot of Hawkins through some fucked up filter. The ash still rained as it always did, and the sky was red and angry as it always was. Your shoes still stuck to the ground just enough that it was difficult when you walked.

Steve didn't want to be back here. But, Dustin had insisted.

The Kid had come racing into Family Video that way he'd done a month prior, kicking off the start of the latest season of "What's The Hell Dimension Under Ours Gonna Spit At Us This Time?" His bike was left abandoned on the sidewalk, back wheel spinning idly and kickstand forgotten.

The first thing Steve had noticed was the guitar slung across Dustin's back. It was a Warlock. Eddie's Warlock.

One of the thinner strings was snapped and curling, bouncing as Dustin hunched over trying to catch his breath and talk at the same time. His words were incoherent, but he kept trying until Robin finally stopped him.

"Breathe first. Then speak." She rolled a water bottle to Dustin across the counter, and glanced at Steve. A wordless look that was aimed right to Steve's crossed arms and narrowed eyes. Asking him is he was really going to scold Dustin.

He was.

Steve waited till Dustin was done drinking-- Because yes, Steve Harrington is a decent human being and isn't gonna yell at the kid when he's got a mouthful of water and can't defend himself-- and then bore down on him. A glare directly at the ash still settled in Dustin's hair.

"Didn't I tell all of you to stay away from The Gates? Because I'm pretty sure I did."

"But-"

"You could have gotten stuck! Or attacked by something in there. Not to mention you could've brought back something. How would you feel if someone else's cat got eaten because of some hitchhiker you brought from Hell?"

"I had to bring back something! Before I couldn't anymore." Dustin huffed, struggling with the guitars strap for a second before sliding it gently onto the counter.

It was covered in dust and ash, minus the spots Dustin had grabbed it, but otherwise it looked the same. Just like it had when it's owner left it in the parallel trailer park a month ago.

Robin warily eyed a spattering of... something across the body of the Warlock. "Dude. That thing is probably covered in all sorts of diseases.

"It's- Well, actually it might be. But... it's also all I- we have left..."

Some of the tension bled from Steves shoulders. He understood. He still woke up every night with a sour taste in his mouth and his eyes burning, a memory painted behind his eyelids of having to pry Dustin, broken eyes and going voice, from the body of someone Steve wished he'd known sooner. That hadn't gotten wrapped up in this. That might be here if he were luckier. Of telling Dustin they had to leave the body, because they were running out of time. Because they couldn't grieve yet, because they had to go. And leave Eddie behind.

Robin though, turned her skeptical look to Dustin. "And that's all you brought back. Right?"

"Wh- Yes!" Robin raised her eyebrow, "... Okay. I did go down for him originally but... I couldn't find him..."

"...Are you sure you were looking in the right spot?"

"You think I would forget where he was?" Dustin spat, and Robin held her hands up.

"Hey, I'm just saying"

"Well, yes. I was. I'm sure. His blood was there, but... he and the dead Demobats were all gone."

Silence. Then Robin looked at Steve, eyes wider and jaw clenched. Steve gave her the same look, already shedding his uniform vest.

He and Robin had already talked about this. About going down and bringing Eddie back. They'd been planning since El had walked into Family Video about a week after the earthquake. She'd told them that the Gates were closing. That she had already told the rest of The Party. That her and Dustin had already been tracking it, but there wasn't any consistency in the speed at which they closed only that they were closing, and it was unpredictable and unstoppable.

El had then rented a movie, because apparently Max had suggested she watch Carrie and she was already at the video store, and then left. Leaving Steve and Robin with partially eaten sandwiches from the Subway down the street and the same thing on both of their minds.

From then Steve had declared that none of the kids were to go near the gates. For fear it might draw something out. But it was mostly an unnecessary rule, since most of them weren't at any risk of trying to jump back into The Upside Down. Most of them.

After, he and Robin and started to plan. To think of a way to, before the Gates were too small and when they were ready enough to go back, bring Eddie back topside.

To give themselves, the kids, and Eddie's Uncle the closure they deserved.

To end the gossiping, the people that talked like they knew for sure Eddie had done it. That they were sure Hellfire Club was responsible for the Earthquake. The whispers whoever Wayne Munson was around. And the kids at school that seemed more brutal than ever towards those like Dustin who still wore their Hellfire shirts proudly.

And, to keep Dustin out of trouble.

The first Steve had heard of Dustin's misbehaving was from Claudia. She had called him one day, nearly in tears out of concern for her baby. Asking Steve to look out for him. She told Steve about how Dustins first day back at school, when it reopened two weeks after the 'earthquake', was spent in the Dean's office.

Apparently, some kids had decided to take a sharpie to Eddie's locker. They had already blotted out a good deal of the drawings Eddie himself had done, vandalizing them and, when Dustin had seen them, they'd been writing something across the metal that Dustin refused to repeat.

Dustin had retaliated in a way that would have made Steve laugh proudly. If it weren't so uncharacteristic for Dustin to retaliate at all.

He had picked the locks of the vandals lockers, a skill Steve remembered Dustin mentioning Eddie had taught him after they'd been locked out of the Drama room, and attached the parts from Shock Gum he had gotten from the gift shop back at Camp Know Where to the insides of the doors.

The only reason Dustin was caught was because the lockers were right outside the gym. The PE Teacher had seen Dustin and called to him, and in trying to run away Dustin had tweaked his bad ankle. The PE teacher caught up and marched Dustin all the way to the Dean's office to explain what he'd done.

Since then, Claudia had brought up more things she was concerned about. Dustin's grades were slipping, and he was spending more time locked up in his room than was probably normal for a teenage boy. After this Steve had a sneaking suspicion that the other kids weren't fairing any better.

This was the last straw. Dustin had gone back into The Upside Down. Put himself in danger. So Steve decided it was time. Time to put his and Robins, still admittedly half baked, plan into action. "Rob. Stay here with Dustin. He's not allowed to follow me. No matter what he says."

"What, why?!" Dustin straightened, glaring at Steve.

Steve glared right back, hands on his hips, "Because. You've already been down there for who knows how long once today, I'm stronger so I'll be able to carry him, and I know your ankle is messed up again. You were limping on your way in... I also don't want to have to explain to Claudia if you go missing."

Dustin deflated. It was clear that he hadn't wanted to go back, his hands were still shaking, but he still seemed disappointed. "Fine. But you have to bring him back. And Robin and I are watching The Holy Grail while you're gone."

"Sounds like a plan to me Dusty-Bun!" Robin smiled, just a little too tight, and pressed her palm to the top of Dustin's head. Steve relaxed as Dustin shoved her off with a squawk, like none of this had happened. Like there wasn't a hell dimension under their own. Like Steve wasn't about to hop into it to drag their friends dead body back to reality.

Now, Steve grimaced as he looked across the landscape. Bat in hand, he had jumped into the one where Fred had died. It was close enough to the trailer park it wouldn't be too far of a walk, but far enough that it wasn't swarming with people from the lab.

It was almost the same. Down to the gross squish when he stepped. Except... there was something missing. A pressure in the air was gone. The feeling of the place, like you were being judged. Watched. Hunted. Gone, along with seemingly all the beasts that roamed it.

Not a single bat, no unfurling faceless faces. Not even a screech of something Seve never wants to see.

Nothing.

And so he walks, stopping occasionally at imaginary sounds or to look at the ash falling from the clouds. It was almost like snow, except with the stench of rot.

The feeling Steve had come to associate with The Upside Down and the beings within it finally made its presence known the closer he got to the trailer park. Yet despite the uncomfortable yet familiar weight on his shoulders, he still saw and heard nothing.

It was pretty clear the closer he got that Dustin was right, that the bats were noticeably gone. But, when Steve could finally see the amps atop the trailer in the distance, he stopped. Because he could see it again. See him again.

He could see Eddie, torn to ribbons by those bats. The same as he had looked a month ago. See someone that could have lived if he had been there. Had been quicker.

Steve blinked away the burning behind his eyes and forced down the limp in his throat, and at a second glance Eddie's broken body on the ground was in fact gone.

So Steve crept closer.

Dustin was right, all that remained was the tan dirt stained a red-brown.

But what Dustin hadn't mentioned, or maybe hadnt seen, was the footprints. Maybe Steve had been too busy trying to not die last time he was here to notice them either. But, now he could see footprints in the ashy dirt.

There were fresh smaller ones, Dustin's probably. And some more, various sizes and a bit filled in with ash and dirt. Probably from a month ago. And, there was set going around the area, the blood and the trailer, and then off to somewhere that he knew none of them had traveled. And those same footprints seemed to return and leave to and from the same direction.

So, like the totally sane adult he was, Steve followed them. Off into the twisted, skeletal afterimage of the woods behind the trailer park.

The ash seemed to fall thicker despite the gnarled branches overhead, and the ground turned spongey with wet, rotting underbrush as Steve walked. The trees were draped with... something. Something stringy and slimy that Steve would rather not touch.

He wasn't too far in when he heard something. The first sound he'd heard since he'd come through the gate.

It wasn't identifiable. Not as the low, chest rattling chitters of a Demogorgon, nor the rolling screech of the Demobats. But rather something in between. Something he didn't want to meet.

It was too low to be a Demobat, but too high and hoarse to be a Demogorgon. And it sounded like a call to hunt.

In response to the demonic starting pistol, the trees came alive. Steve ran.

Wings. So many wings. The slimy, leathery wings that plauged his nightmares. All behind him, chasing him.

Steve ran faster.

And then he fell.

A tendril, shriveled and solid, dead and twisted like a comically placed tree root right in his path sent Steve sprawling onto his hands and knees, nail bat flying to his left.

The wings got closer, and the Demobats dropped to the ground. They surrounded him, hobbling closer on wings and tentacles, segmented mouths snapping when Steve tried to reach his bat. There were more in the air, he could hear them. They were calling. Calling for the something that called them to action.

Membrane covered branches broke with wet snaps and the underbrush squelched as the Something got closer and closer.

A flash of huge leathery wings and needle sharp teeth set in a too wide mouth through the dark and the thought of 'I really hope if I live this doesn't give me another concussion' was all Steve got before he was pinned to the ground, hand still reaching for his bat and eyes squeezed closed.

But, nothing happened. The claws digging into his shoulders didn't let up, but the Something didn't move. Steve could hear the Demobats rustling. They sounded annoyed, or confused. But none of them were flying anymore. Then something happened, because the Something was no longer dripping saliva onto Steve's neck.

So, he opened his eyes. And looked straight into the eyes of someone he was so sure had died, far more human looking, a month prior.

Eddie. Eddie. With shoes long gone, Hellfire shirt torn to shreds, covered in what was probably his own dried blood. With wings and claws and a mouth that was closing at the seams to a more normal width than before around too sharp and too white teeth. With big doe eyes and curls matted and dirty. Eddie was pinning Steve to the ground.

Steve stared for a good few seconds, and Eddie stared back before seeming to realize what he was doing and sit back on Steve's legs.

"Thank fuck you're here. I can't find my baby and I'm losing my calluses! See?" He shoved his clawed fingers into Steve's face, "Oh, well I guess your probably can't... there's a lotta dirt. And blood. Well, I don't really think it's actually blood? Do the things here bleed?"

[mxbbadperson]

If not Keiwa's, the wishes that would more likely to get praised by ppl is if it's done for someone else like family, such as Ginpen and Lopo's, so I guess Keiwa doing it for his sister would still be seen as at least like that.

Otherwise, his talk about only doing world peace for his sister seems to be taken for granted by some, dunno why but I guess it can be that it's interpreted as just his tirade due to being so broken and downcast for losing his last family. Or interpreted as being suicidal with him claiming he can't go on living to Tsumuri and his self-harm henshin pose.

Maybe they just see Keiwa's reaction as completely natural for any humans, instead of his setup arc, to put family above anything and/or bad enough tragedy will always reduce sanest man to lunacy - hence the blame to Ace and Neon to not "ease" up his tragedy and prevent him going off the deep end by being his support systems (also seen as natural).

Another reason may be that, Keiwa is seen by people as nothing but the nicest guy before, in how he'd sacrifice himself to save people and be the distraction to let other players proceed (other Riders can get hated for rejecting Keiwa in ep8 for 'only caring for their wish instead of people's safety') and frequently gives his buckles to players, overall not prioritizing winning over helping others, thus the reasons above of 'world peace for Sara claim' feeling like natural tirade, as his actions speak otherwise to them.

There are people who do see his arc as being forced (and useless/not needed) due to the difference of that claim to his actions, also lack of support system, in their eyes.

keiwa is naive in being too nice (maybe even self absorbed in insisting everyone be nicer when the game IS NOT like that at all) and...

"but I guess it can be that it's interpreted as just his tirade due to being so broken and downcast for losing his last family. Or interpreted as being suicidal with him claiming he can't go on living to Tsumuri and his self-harm henshin pose" OTHER CHARACTERS ALSO FELT BROKEN AND DOWNCAST AND SUICIDAL but people don't give a single SHIT abt them lmao why is keiwa so special? come on, anon, guess!

no support? it'a not abt him having no support lmao it's people NOT CARING ABT ANY OTHER CHARACTER EXCEPT KEIWA so they're dismissive of what other people are doing. ace is WORRIED abt his SISTER being forced to suffer for eternity like his MOTHER and neon being so helpless as the world goes to shit and she gets kidnapped FOR FUCKING REAL THIS TIME

and they're a difference between seeing that keiwa's arc is forced/useless or whatever the fuck and NOT UNDERSTANDING IT AT ALL SO THEY LOOK LIKE THEY DON'T WATCH THE SHOW

in short, stop defending these dumbasses, anon, i don't have time for that and i don't have time for YOU

addition: and of course they don't mention lopo and ginpen, anon, can you guess? come on! isn't it obvious? bc they DO NOT care abt them, they barely care abt ace and neon (who's motivations ARE also abt their families, HUH funny that) so why would they care abt other people who still AREN'T keiwa lmao

[carolmaximoffs]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAIT OMFG i can’t believe so many of the coolest ppl in my life that i know are aquas. ily you’re NINETEEN that’s wild!! you know i love a good roommates or friends w benefits fic gimme gimme gimme 😗💜

a/n: THIS IS SO LATE AGH...here is your long overdue wanda x reader roommates fic, my love! so sorry for the wait, but thank you for your sweet words and your patience <3 @subtlebucky

pairing: wanda maximoff x reader

warnings: none really? maybe a curse. references to drinking, partying. jealous! reader. apologies to anyone named jillian, beck, or yasmine. sharing a bed, but not in THAT way. 

WHEN YOU WAKE UP, you smell coffee already brewing. You stretch leisurely as you pad into the main part of your shared apartment, faux-flirtatious smile already gracing your lips.

“Smells good, baby!” You call. The laughter dissipates from your body as you pause in the kitchen doorway. Wanda is indeed sipping coffee in the kitchen, but is also standing between the legs of a tall, rather buff girl you’ve never seen before who’s perched comfortably on your island. “Oh.”

"Jill, this is my roommate, Y/N," Wanda says, perfectly at ease. You wonder if your eye really does twitch at the sight of Wanda's hand on Jill's thigh, but you pray it's just your imagination.

“Hi, uh, I didn’t - we’re not - hi.” Your face burns as you duck past them, reaching up into the cabinet for your mug before realizing it’s missing. You whirl around, about to ask Wanda, when you see it. And Wanda must realize it the same time you do, because she gives you this tight smile and wide eyes. Jill sips idly from your favorite cup, the one with the funny handle and your initial in rainbow gradient. Pietro, Wanda’s brother, had gifted it to you a few Christmas’s back - you know he’d have stopped Jillian from using it. Instead, you fill the most boring mug you and Wanda own - black, with a white outline of Sokovia in a red heart - and send your roommate a sour look. “I’ll just...”

You jerk your head towards the bedrooms, and stalk off. Maybe out of embarrassment, but mostly out of stubbornness, you pretend not to hear Wanda apologizing and making excuses on your behalf as you leave.

.......

Two weeks later, just when things are returning to normal, it happens again.

Well, more or less. It’s significantly darker out now, and this time you’re putting leftover Chinese food in the fridge when the door bursts open. Wanda all but falls into your apartment, a sharp-nosed girl with a deep violet buzzcut hot on her heels. Space Army Cadet and your best friend are hand in hand, the latter barely tossing you a glance as she drags her guest down the hall. And yeah, you’ve seen Wanda bring people home before - even brought a handful of people home yourself. Hell, one of you two’s closest friends was an ex of hers; oddball physics major, Vis, had been Wanda’s lover for the notable first three years of college.

 Lately, though, you’d noticed this...pit in your stomach, carved a little deeper with each new bedmate. Every time you shook it off - it wasn’t any of your business what Wanda did in her free time. Was it because they were women? You catch yourself wondering, but no - you’d never had an issue with that, why would you start now? Shutting the fridge, you shuffle back to your room, turning your TV up to drown out anything from Wanda’s room next door.

The next morning, the eccentric friend is nowhere to be found, but you did find there was a severe lack of alcohol in your coffee as Wanda cheerily filled you in. Buzzcut’s name was Yasmine, she was in Wanda’s European lit. course, and they’d gone out for drinks to celebrate Yasmine nearing the acquirement of her masters. You stare into your cup and hum at all the appropriate points, choosing not to point out that it was only November and nowhere near graduating season. Maybe Yasmine was on the fast track - Wanda always did like the smart ones. 

You become so absorbed in thought you don’t notice at first that your housemate has stopped chittering away. When you look up, it’s to a pouty frown. You shift in your seat, suddenly uncomfortable. “What?”

“Are you...okay?” Wanda’s frown deepens, brows furrowed as she brushes a stray lock of auburn from her face and folds her arms over her chest. “We...You’ve been a little distant lately, I guess.” 

“I’m fine,” You say breezily, rising to your feet to dump the dregs of your coffee in the sink. Some irritating heartstring twangs at your tone - you hate brushing Wanda off, but what are you supposed to say? Hey, can you stop bringing girls home? I think I’ve caught homophobia. You repress a shudder at the mere thought as you move to sweep past her and get ready for your first class, but a small hand curls around your bicep.

“Just...don’t be a stranger, okay, kedvesem?” Darling. Swallowing the lump in your throat, feeling curiously parched, you can only nod. Wanda lets go, but you can feel her fingerprints burning like a brand even when you’re lying in bed that night.

.....

The holidays go off more or less without a hitch; there’s a very scary hiccup shortly before Christmas when you come home to find Wanda curled into Vision’s side on the couch, the pair of them sharing a blanket. But Wanda looks...as if she’s been crying? Love Actually is playing, Wanda’s go to Christmas comfort movie, and Vision is texting someone called ‘Peter M.’ with an alarming number of heart emojis, so you continue onward. 

Your subconscious must be looking out for you otherwise, because it’s not until New Year’s that you see Wanda with a mystery lover. Actually, you don’t see much of Wanda at all outside of Christmas, and even when you do, it’s always just the two of you at home. Of course, because of this, she insists on dragging you out for a New Year’s party. When her twin, Pietro, gangs up on you via Facetime, you give up arguing and steal a shimmery black slip from Wanda’s closet before flipping them the bird. 

Pietro arrives around 10 to pick the pair of you up, obnoxiously laying on the horn outside of your apartment building. Wanda trips several times as she tries to shove on her other heel and put lipstick on at the same time. Making it out the door is a whole other ordeal - after a short spat about Wanda needing a jacket, an awkward moment when the elevator doors open on some neighbors practicing for midnight, and finding Pietro just about to buzz in to get you, you and Wanda are sliding into the backseat of Pietro’s obnoxiously cramped sports car.

“Ladies, your prince, or princess, awaits!” Pietro announces grandly as you pull up to a shabby loft just a few blocks away. You can hear the music from the street, sighing inwardly as you force yourself to get out of the car. Wanda smooths out her flowy black pants - you keep your eyes trained politely above her shoulders to ignore the fitted, maroon sequined top with the plunging V-neck she’s paired with them. 

“I’m actually meeting someone here,” She says casually to her brother as the three of you make your way in. Pietro waves her off with well-wishes, but throws you a questioning glance. All he gets however is a shrug in reply, this is certainly news to you. He accompanies you to the makeshift bar where you fill a cup with copious amounts of liquor. It usually wasn’t your vice, but the strobe lights alone could be cause to drink. You made a mental note to ask whose idea this party even was in the first place. when you turn around, though, Pietro, too, has slipped off into the crowd.

So you do what one is supposed to do at sweaty, too-loud functions such as this one - push yourself from your comfort zone, get comfortably tipsy while you wedge yourself into the mass of bodies and move with strangers. As mentioned, liquor and strangers have never been favorite pastimes of yours, so once you finish off your second drink (maybe third - you deserved it), you set out searching for Wanda. Her glittery form is tucked into a corner with a small group you don’t recognize, but you definitely note that she’s in the lap of a tall, dark, and handsome type. She spots you before you can get to her, making excited grabby hands as you get closer. 

“Y/N!” The bubbly young woman squeals over the music. She leans forward to be heard better, and you gulp. “This is Beck! And Jade, and Marcie, and you remember Yasmine!” 

You offer only a wave and tight smiles as you, too, lean in further. “I’m gonna get an Uber!”

“What?” Wanda pouts dramatically, Beck snaking an arm around her waist to steady her as she jolts back in disappointment. “It’s not even midnight yet!”

“No, I know, I’m just not really feeling it, I guess!” Yasmine leads over to whisper something to Jade; it’s the furthest thing from your mind as Wanda reaches out to squeeze your hands understandingly. 

“I’ll see you later! Kisses!” You repeat the word weakly before shoving once more through the mass. The sidewalk and cool bite of the outdoors is a welcome respite - your driver doesn’t speak all the way to your apartment, and you give them 5 stars for it. After a cold, quick shower, you curl up in your fuzziest bathrobe with a cup of coffee and flick through Netflix. You know when midnight rolls around when the neighbors upstairs, hosting a party of their own, cheer and shout to each other. It can’t be 20 minutes later that your door is met with a tentative knock.

On the other side is Vision in the most disarray you’ve seen him in - he’s in pajamas, for Pete’s sake, hair and glasses askew over a chunky knit sweater. He’s supporting an equally-bleary but much more drunk Wanda, and passes her to you with a wrinkled nose.

“Y/N!” She crows, dissolving into giggles as you shushed her. “I wondered where you went.” 

“I told you I was coming home, bubs,” You mutter, hugging her back briefly before you notice Vision is still standing in your entryway. “Hey, how about you go get changed, and then I’ll make you some eggs?”

Wanda agrees, talking animatedly even as she walks away. You look back at Vision, smiling wearily. “Thanks for bringing her home safe, Vis. Did you want a cup of coffee, or...?”

“No, thank you,” Vision quips, polite as ever as he tugs his sweater down over his hands. He jerks his dimpled chin the direction Wanda had disappeared in. “Take care of her, please.”

“Of course,” You reply, instantly, brows furrowing. He nods briskly before turning to leave. “Thank you again.”

“Of course. Goodnight.” He’s almost to the elevators when you call a ‘Happy New Year’ after him, and that earns you a smile. “Happy New Year to you as well, Y/N.”

Back inside, you find Wanda spread eagle on her bed in mismatched socks, an old college hoodie, and the same underwear you’re pretty sure she wore to go out tonight. You poke her heel and she makes a frankly unhuman gurgle into the duvet. “How much did you have?”

“Nah a lah,” Is her muffled reply. “We’on dwink anymo’.” 

You realize she’s right, though you figured she was at least taking some of those dates to bars. Maybe not, though - Wanda was always a romantic. You push the mere though away and tug at the arm closest to you. “Yeah, I know. You’ll feel better if you eat something, though.” 

Her protesting grunts are less effective than when she kicks out blindly, narrowly avoiding your hip, and you huff. “Fine, I’ll bring the food to you.”  You make to leave, but she’s captured your wrist now. Wanda turns her head to make powerful puppy eyes at you. “Stay. Sleepy.” 

“I...yeah. Okay.” You were still a little tipsy in your own right - neither of you were college kids anymore, after all. Wanda’s smile was blinding as the pair of you made your way under her numerous layers of blankets. When she turned the lamp off, you wondered if she could hear your heart thundering in the dark.

“Y/N?” She whispers, just when you think she’s fallen asleep. 

“Yes, Wanda?” 

“I love you.”

You hum in acknowledgment, brushing it off as dreaming.

--------

Midday, you’re roused by someone laying across your stomach and shaking you awake. It’s Wanda, long lashes fluttering prettily as she rests her chin on folded elbows. You scrub sleep from your eyes as you croak, “Morning, sunshine.”

“Morning, Y/N.” She says your name with purpose - sort of always has, you realize. You’re running over last night in your head, and like a mind reader, Wanda answers your every question. “Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“Still love you.” Wanda murmurs. You meet her gaze - completely clear, if not a little glazed over with absolute adoration. She pushes up a little, lips hovering over yours. They brush just barely when you speak, sparking like live wires. 

“I love you, too,” You breathe, and finally, finally, she kisses you. 

Things make so, so much more sense then.

[flodaya]

Hey, could you explain what happened in Lola’s season that made everybody so mas? I honestly stop watching in the middle of Imane’s season when I realized it was terrible and it was not gonna be fixed. Also, what are the criticism people give Crisana and Kietou? They are both amazingly written and performed season, like there is not much to complain about.

look, i do have issues with all three seasons, it's just the insistence of some people to nit-pick these seasons apart but turn a blind eye to the same issues in the same remakes non-wlw seasons that's bothering me

for lola's season it's mostly how absolutely overloaded with themes and topic and issues it was

it wasn't enough to make her deal with grieving a parent (which btw would have been an absolutely amazing topic for a season and the first episode set it up really well) but they added drug addiction, mental illness, the whole biological father mess, kind of a love triangle, they also wanted to talk about eliott's bipolar disorder and daphne's eating disorder, the eliott/lucas fights, they introduced us to a whole new set of characters, then we had the suicide plotline, and somewhere all in between she fell in love with maya

i mean at least coming out wasn't also made into a issue so that's something at least

otherwise, lola herself is a well-written character, her and maya had more or less solid development, the lola/daphne relationship was really well written and the new characters were fun

cris' season is objectively the best out of the three imo

i think my personal only 2 criticisms is the ending because i feel like the last break up and eventual reconciliation happened so far at the end of the season we didn't get enough pay of afterwards, so i kind of wish we would have had more one on one time between cris and joana

and the other thing is that, i believe there can be made an argument for crisana being at least slightly desexualized, like i do think it's weird to have a m/f sex scene but no wlw sex scene in a season about a wlw couple; but i also want to say they are all teenagers and i think sex scenes are never necessary in shows about teenagers, especially when the actors are still very young too

the thing most people criticize about eskam is that it's "panphobic" which it's not but i'm not going to get into the whole argument (again) and that the cris' actress is problematic, which yeah fine she's made a very ignorant stupid selfie which i get it if that makes you not want to watch her season, but that happened wayyy after her season aired so really it's so excuse for og skam fans but whatever lol

for fatou's season, my baby, the one i will defend with my dying breath

honestly, ppl wanted to dislike this one from the beginning, i remember people who already complained about the first kiss, and in my biased opinion the first 6 episodes really didn't have anything to be upset about

there were a few pacing issues in later episodes, and the last clip of episode 8 is stupid but overall her season is well written and executed and gets disproportionate criticism for like the 2 plotholes in episode 7 and 8

like this season did so much outstandingly well but people want to throw all that away because it wasn't 100% flawless, give me a break

so tl;dr i'm overprotective of these three seasons and i will fight anyone who willfully wants to make any wlw who loves one or more of these seasons feel bad for it

[normal-thoughts-official]

Actually, anti parabatai plot as a criticism of the oppressive regime would have been super interesting. Like they literally perform some magical ritual on minors. Moreover, it’s seen as prestigious and is highly encouraged. Moreover, if children have doubts they can’t even properly discuss them. Notice how in 2x03 Alec is left so alone he only has his baby sister to share his misgivings about the ritual. Moreover, he isn’t even happy about the upcoming ceremony. It really feels like he only ->

-> out of obligation (reminds me of ‘are you happy’, ‘yes, I’m following my duty’). Idk maybe it was indoctrinated that cancelling the ceremony once you gave your word is unthinkable, dishonourable, shameful or some other shit. Anyway, Alec didn’t look enthusiastic AT ALL. We don’t see what role Maryse and Robert played in this but they were probably their toxic selves. Besides, it’s strange to make a team out of two people so different both personality and career wise. And speaking of indoctrination, you can see children getting ingrained with this shit from the very young age. Like little Izzy may not have wanted a parabatai herself but you can see she was still affected. Jace legit said that they were gonna be REAL brothers as if something stopped him seeing Alec as such without a magical tattoo which is major yikes

EXACTLY!!! you get it!!!!!! not only that but the whole "the biggest pain a shadowhunter could ever know is losing a parabatai", "parabatai are the most important people to each other", "parabatai are in perfect tune" etc like so much shit that was straight up NOT SHOWN TO BE TRUE throughout the plot. valentine and luke were parabatai and he betrayed him, jace basically never gave a fuck about alec's wellbeing, he couldn't even tell when alec was literally dying lol also the bond isn't even that strong, like if ur away for a while or try to TRACK THEM it breaks??? and in the books robert and michael were parabatai as well and then they never talked again and robert legit straight up couldnt tell when michael DIED AND WAS REPLACED BY VALENTINE WITH A GLAMOUR like My God

my hc for this whole thing is that the parabatai thing was invented to increase sh loyalty to each other as well as their teamwork, and they made up this bunch of bullshit about it being like family and super important and their pain is your pain and blah blah blah to seem more desirable. kinda like how spartans encouraged relationships between soldiers to make them stronger? or how compulsory monogamy teaches you that the way to achieve happiness is through One Single Person who will be perfect for you always oops

actually o shit there are plenty of parallels between parabataiship and compulsory monogamy and i think i'm gonna go into that now. so mandatory disclaimer that compulsory monogamy =/= your monogamous relationship, just like heteronormativity =/= your heterosexual relationship. okay? okay. if yall come for me screaming that Monogamous People Aren't All Toxic i will ignore you because that's not what i'm saying and i just explicitly stated that. okay? okay

so i’m gonna skip the historical part because compulsory monogamy is very intimately related with the invention of capitalism, private property and etc., and that doesn’t work quite as well in the context of sh since it’s more of a military society than anything, and again, i do believe that it’s more of a “making them more likely to be loyal”/less likely to question missions and stuff thing. but the effects of parabataiship as it is constructed in sh lore are very similar to those of compulsory monogamy in real life:

the whole loyalty thing that can be very easily turned into toxicity/co-dependency/straight up abusive and unequal dynamics. again, i’m talking about monogamy as a system, not saying that all monogamous relationships are toxic, okay? if i sound insistent here, it’s because you wouldn’t believe the amount of times i put 4981749318 disclaimers like that and ppl still got offended on behalf of their monogamous relationships i wasn’t talking about

i’ll go further into that. monogamy ideology, like parabatai ideology, tells us that there’s a kind of relationship that is superior to all others and should be prioritized above all others (romantic relationships for monogamy ideology, parabataiship for parabatai ideology. compulsory monogamy and amatonormativity are more than just intimately related, they are a part of the other). this means that not putting the person you have this kind of relationship with above all others is seen as a crime and betrayal. and i’m not talking about cheating here, i’m talking about stuff such as “would you let your partner go to parties without you?”, seeing you at a place without your partner and asking where they are and why they didn’t come with you/assuming that you must have fought or broken up, considering that a relationship is doomed or not very close if its parts are not literally inseparable, turning the two parts of a relationship into some kind of almost symbiotic creature, where you stop being “A and B” and become “A-and-B” (this exact wording is even a trope in romantic fiction, esp fanfic), “would your missus let you come with us?”, having huge fights because one party wants to go somewhere and the other doesn’t and they can’t come to an agreement on that, etc., i think you get it by now

this mindset that the person you have this particular kind of relationship with should be prioritized above all others, that a part of your sense of self should be merged with theirs, that you essentially have to become a unit, and that it’s hard, but you have to fight to make it work (”love hurts”, “love is tough, it’s like that”, “if you love someone you have to make sacrifices for them”, etc) makes people feel guilty whenever they don’t put that person and their wishes above all else, or even when they want to do something without them, because that is seen as not loving them enough. not only that, but monogamy ideology promises you that once you find The One™ you will achieve a kind of happiness and perfection in your life that you couldn’t get any other way. this means that people are effectively scared of breaking up or of not having/wanting a relationship like that, because it means that they are broken and will never be truly happy (see what i meant when i said that amatonormativity and monogamy ideology are a part of each other?). that’s why you see people saying shit like “my greatest fear is to waste many years on a relationship and break up in the end”, “if you aren’t dating to get married you’re dating to get your heart broken”, etc. 

so you see people trying their damn hardest to stay loyal to the relationship even when it obviously doesn’t make them happy, feeling guilty for not being happy, and accepting toxic mindsets and abuse because they feel like they owe it to them. especially the weakest link in the relationship - notably women in monogamy ideology, as monogamy is also inherently linked with the patriarchy and in monogamy ideology specifically a woman in a het relationship is seen as more than just a part of the man she is in a relationship with, she’s seen as his property, but that dynamic can also be inverted or ruled by other factors such as race, sexuality, gender identity, class, etc. - are way more likely to be seen as owing their partners loyalty. not just that, but in particular with people who are otherwise oppressed, being loved is seen as almost a favor, because again, being in a romantic relationship is supposed to be your exclusive golden ticket to heavenly happiness and whatnot, and oppressed people (esp queer ppl and poc) as seen as undeserving of that, and effectively denied that in many ways, so they are more likely to want to stay in a toxic relationship out of fear that they won’t ever find anything better (it’s not a coincidence that “no one will ever love you like i do” is such a common phrase to hear from abusers). also, let’s not forget that even the right to break up in itself is something that had to be fought for. the feminist movement spent years trying to make divorce legal (in the places where it is) and still fights to make it be seen as acceptable. if it weren’t for other pressures trying to change the rules of monogamy, a “breakup” would quite literally not even be allowed, and this always benefits the strongest link

so now that that’s been explained, back to parabataiship. i think the parallels here are very clear - i mean, for one, you can’t really break it up, unless you purposefully use soul tracking or stay away for a long time, so it’s like, old fashioned monogamy. but more than that, breaking your parabatai bond is seen as terrifying. there is a lot of purposeful rethoric that directly says that the pain of the parabatai bond being severed (whether by will or by one of the parts dying) is unmatchable, and that plants a horrible fear into people, to the point where villains use that against parabatai shadowhunters (for example, the owl possessing jace and telling him that it’ll kill alec so he knows what the pain of losing a parabatai is like). this means that loyalty is owed, because even if you just want to be away from your parabatai, this might break the bond and put you through unspeakable pain (in theory. as i’ve been saying, it’s basically been proved that that’s not true, because when jace died that was far from being the worst pain that alec’s ever felt) 

moreover: the whole thing about how this kind of relationship is sacred, above all else, and will bring you a kind of happiness that is impossible to achieve otherwise. this is said many times - like you said, parabataiship is seen as something desirable and that brings honor. the vows are very similar to marriage (the highest pillar of monogamy) vows (“your family will be my family, your people will be my people”, “entreat me not to leave thee”), clary is constantly told that she could never understand the relationship jace and alec have because they’re parabatai and being parabatai is special and basically uncomparable to anything else, even by izzy, who never wanted to have a parabatai (and in the end she ends up wanting to, which reminds me of the whole “oh, you’ll want it once you grow up” trope with heterosexual romantic relationships. like, basically, you’ll want it once you find the right person. that is something aro, gay, and non-monog ppl hear all the damn time). the whole thing about how obviously jace is supposed to be the one alec loves the most, they’re parabatai, the whole thing about how “alec would die for me, we’re parabatai” like that is unquestionable; the souls becoming one, the being able to feel each other’s feelings and blah blah blah. in short: sacred, above all else, and, unless you do something very wrong, able to bring you a kind of connection and happiness you wouldn’t be able to get otherwise no matter how strong your feelings or your compatibility is; and once you get it, you can’t get out

and then there’s the imbalance it brings. like i said, notably in monogamy as a pillar of heteronormativity the imbalance lays on women, altho other factors can change that balance or be more prominent. with parabataiship, there’s an obvious trope of queer people getting heterosexual parabatai and being very obviously the weakest link (alec with jace, michael with robert, there are others but i don’t remember. the exception to this is luke, who is written as equally heterosexual and, in the books, equally white, to valentine, but who’s still the weakest link anyway because valentine gains power and prestige luke doesn’t have). again, the whole “alec would die for me” thing tells a lot. he didn’t say “we would die for each other”. he said “alec would die for me”. despite the rethoric being that both parts should be endlessly devoted, the expectation that one should fulfill that obviously falls harder on one than on the other. with monogamy, there’s even a kind of rethoric that you have to work for the reciprocation to be there (for example, victims of domestic abuse being told that if they dedicate themselves to their partners enough, the abuse would stop, like they owe their partners dedication and love and comprehension, and then their partners will give it back only once they get enough of it) that we haven’t really seen with parabatai (at least i don’t remember it) but that i wouldn’t be surprised to see present there. after all, alec can feel it when jace gets a papercut and jace can’t tell when alec is literally dying, and none of that is ever questioned in canon

and then the imbalance is kept because, again, breaking up parabataiship is unthinkable and shameful, not to mention kind of impossible/not allowed to do officially. so the weakest link is basically stuck in this situation of imbalance and, in many cases, toxicity and abuse, but can’t break out of it and effectively feel guilty because according to everything they’ve ever been told, they should be elated that they’ve found their one and they should be happy. if they aren’t happy, then they’re broken, or not trying hard enough, and it’s taboo to even talk about that

again, i’m not saying that all monogamous relationships or all parabataiships are toxic, okay? i’m saying that, as a structurer of our society (and sh’s fictional society) they favor this kind of dynamic, allow it, and justify it through their ideologies. in the same way that heteronormativity allied with misoginy makes it more likely for women to be abuse or r-word victims than men. is every het relationship toxic? no. is heteronormativity toxic? yes. monogamy works the same way

in short, parabataiship is not a relationship model. or rather, it is, but way before and more than that, parabataiship is an ideology that is specifically structured to subjugate shadowhunters, notably queer shadowhunters, and keep their loyalty to each other and to the clave, and most of its rethoric (nothing can ever be stronger than the love for a parabatai, nothing can match the pain of losing a parabatai, parabatai are one and the same and they share a soul) is absolute bullshit built to make it more desirable and make sure that structure is left unquestioned. a plotline that questions the buildings of parabataiship and shows how the whole myth that’s around parabataiship is that, a myth, built to subjugate and control people, would have been amazing, but of course we couldn’t get that so crumbles of meta it is

me: i’m tired of discourse in my blog i’m going to chill for now. me the very same day: what if i went on my first more detailed anti-monogamy rant when that is 100% guaranteed to attract aggressive people who can’t read and also criticized sh fandom’s beloved parabataiship all in one post?

[unproduciblesmackdown]

another prompt saga

April 8th: Talk about friendship. How important are friends to you? Do you find it hard to make and maintain friendships? Are your friends generally supportive? Is there anything about having friends that confuses you?

another big question for me to go on plenty of tangents lol

well i haven't often had friends Really, there's like, being amicable with classmates, being friends with people While We're At School Together, being friendly acquaintances lmfao, or like, the occasional "yeah ig we're sort of friends, not exactly very close tho" lol and then rarely where yeah i'd call someone a close friend, although naturally, it's not like i completely discount those other, less close relationships. and, even more so, not like overall i'm like "oh friendship? yeah that's pretty frivolous and unimportant and it's just something mildly entertaining vs the Real Shit & True Emotional Support & Love of your biological family and romantic soulmate" lol, Friends Are Important and it's entirely serious 2 me

also natch i Do find it hard to make and maintain friendships lol. goes back to like, preschool and being around a bunch of age peers regularly for the first time, where my "best friend" defaulted to this one person who sought out interacting with me when i was otherwise doing my own thing during preschool recess, and i was pretty enthused about getting invited to a bday party one kid invited a bunch of us to, because that was like, a Friend thing, and a fun social thing, and i was included.....that i Do remember just feeling like, socially, everyone else was playing a game i didn't know the rules to and so couldn't expect to participate and, furthermore, i ought to stay out of the way of whatever everyone else was doing, where i Did often choose to do stuff by myself, but it's like, you know, the way "autistic" is even used figuratively (which. i have a lot of disdain for) because it's like oh the defining thing really is that telltale "doesn't want to interact with other people or form relationships, probably because also they have no feelings / normal and intrinsic qualities of Humanity" but it's like, if you pay any attention or god forbid ask autistic people about their own experiences, sure everyone has their own varying social approach and anyone might not always be raring to be the center of the party or Not want to do their own thing, but it's not that oh all autistic people aren't interested in social connection, but that like even when you are a small child it's like, oh all these other kids are interacting in this way that isn't really my social style and that shuts me out, and/or attempting to interact with people results in this even subtle, quiet rejection / exclusion that can be picked up on. i wasn't making friends and was often keeping to myself / keeping my head down as it were, but it wasn't because i didn't want to have friends or socialize. my mom was insistent i was a Shy Child lmao and i'd always argue that i wasn't Really, without further explanation though lmao, but it's like, again that i felt that sort of emergent exclusion, and there wasn't any space to interact much on my terms at all, and like, yeah i often stayed quiet / didn't want to mingle with other kids / if i was in a Situation i wanted to know the How To of navigating it / what to expect

being friends with people at school was fine, except the drawbacks of stuff like "we're only interacting at school, rarely hanging out outside of that" & "someone in the same grade is in a diff class in elementary school so we just never see each other now" & "for some reason that 2nd grade teacher made a whole giant Example out of me and a friend, god forbid, not paying attention or whatever the fuck, so now i feel like we can't interact at all anymore" & "changing schools entirely between elementary / middle / college" & "not being in school" lmao similar to work friends too, we're At Work, might not see each other outside of that, might change jobs & stop seeing each other, & still overall rare, b/c the Preschool Experience never Really stopped imo, had different versions of it even into college and like, being at jobs with other adults lmao, socializing is still Like That, came up with the Je Ne Hate Quoi where like, people kind of just Know to exclude you / consider you an exception to whatever other social stuff is going on.

and then like, the difficulties even when socializing / interactions Are happening, where like, it's always funny like. i'm very Verbose / Chatty and very opinionated but like, this will surprise people, that i Talk actually and have a ton of takes, b/c i was keeping to myself / not sharing that with them and so it's like well, that must of course be the realest version of me, no way i was filtering myself, i just must have Not Wanted to talk, and/or had nothing to say & hence no thoughts or feelings i might wanna share lol, of course....and tbh like, it sure Can be true that i don't wanna talk lmao like. i wanna talk About Stuff that isn't really "personal" generally, which can be like, yeah i wanna talk about this book, or about birds, or about this trivia topic, or whatever, whereas idk so much how to do like small talk about your day or otherwise share Casual things about Yourself, like, idk, being aware my interests are things about Myself but also aware that it's Weird / wasn't the kind of stuff you were supposed to talk about, and i felt that things about my life were otherwise Not The Right Stuff, or too boring (never hanging out, not doing much except being at home reading / doing shit by myself or w/siblings) or too Unfun (able to pick up the sense that At Home Shittiness was a private matter lol......) and it'd be like, idk what to say, things about myself don't seem to fit..........but also it can be that i do not enjoy the Vibe of an interaction lmfaoooo like, i truly do not want to talk to you people. like that i can sometimes vibe with someone inebriated people better lmfao because then, idk, they have some sense of humor and can muster some enthusiasm for anything, but also i'm not really a fan of knowing that someone isn't sober lmfao like. ppl will be like "omg were you drunk" like no, that was just my personality, whereas i am not Heartened to know other ppl Will have to have been drunk to get on my level, for example, don't understand when people cannot muster being even a little silly. it's goofaround hours. but then you have like, being around a bunch of cishet people when they're drunk, and their humor is as nonexistent and boring as ever but they're even louder / more insistent about it, nightmare. and, yknow, just people talking and i'm like "i'm not interested in this at all, whether re: conversational Style or Subject, i would not want to participate" and times when it's like. i know if i was gonna chime in with what i Would say you would not be able to handle me here lmfaoooo so. i truly would prefer examining the wall and thinking about my own shit or texting with someone i do like talking with

but that yknow, in groups / conversations i would be at least someone interested in, i can still be like, idk, Hesitant To Talk b/c of all the instances you've been taught like oh you're socializing Wrong and everyone hated that, sorta like the post about making a comment about salsa that brings the gc to a halt and you're wondering how you fucked up and if salsa killed someone's parents and forgot or whatever, i've been Disheartened re: hanging out when it's like, well, nice to be included, but i'm a friendship third wheel here, not being included in the entire convo and nobody misses it, there's been instances where it's like, two people talking, i chime in, i am completely ignored multiple times, this is frustrating lmao. or there's been times i've tried to put myself out there in a way, like yeah sure i'll hang out with this group, but also i'm anxious and it's like, if people are doing homework i'm also bringing this thing i'm working on as this parallel task, only to find out down the line like people then regarded you as a joke or something b/c it was Rude or Wrong when you know, actually that was you reading some weird shit that didn't exist into the situation, and just like, idk it's wild how people will have like "graciously" declined to express something to your face, and you either can pick up on shit at the time but not be able to say anything which just reads to people like "oh they didn't notice this / that means you can push it a little further next time even" or like, figure out later that something that seemed positive or decent actually ft. people not liking you / not wanting to include you Yet Again, and as a bonus you're left with you know, having to always worry about if people Seemingly being amicable & accepting is actually them wishing you weren't there or solidifying some Interpretations of you that they're then gonna Talk About or Act On behind the scenes, like, beautiful thank you, always very touching, so glad you were so Considerate of someone's feelings and Nice about this where it just ends up being this whole letdown / feeling like even more of a rejection if there was this weird like stringing along lmao like. can allistic people be normal for five minutes

anyways and tied to that sort of, it's also like, simultaneously Cagey About Things and always worried about like, i could tell this person this thing and maybe it'd be Incorrect for the interaction and they won't care, whether because it's too mundane and boring a thing about you or because it's too #Real, i think i glimpsed something a month or so ago about like "do other autistic people have trouble where like, you can be friends with someone a long time but not get particular Close to them" or whatever lol, where like, well i have to hold everyone at arm's length and often Then Some because there's just matter of fact stuff about me that i nonetheless think i can't or shouldn't share, if i talked about something it might be out of the blue b/c i just was hardly confiding in people about it, or it's boring, or it's like, i don't actually feel like i'm close enough with this person that saying this isn't gonna be like "whoa overshare!! i just feel awkward & weird!" lmfao like. there were people i hung out with in person the year i lived out of my car and i did not mention this at all to them / kept it a secret b/c it's like, not out of like ohh this is a secret b/c No One Can Know, some people Could know lmao (shoutout to the person i Did confide in about these problems and who talked with me at what must've been like 3am in that timezone when i was like "well the rich people around here made sure to get cops to harass an unhoused person, e.g. me, would you believe it, it sucked" lmfao) it's that i knew idk, it would be pointless, they'd just feel weird about it and switch into that "for some reason, this is being Nice" where everyone will go into full Putting On A Front mode to be Polite like, that really sucks actually lmao could you Not. but it's like, idk, all this stuff where it's like "this thing about me / my life would be too Boring or too Awkward or Depressing or Etc Etc" turns out to be isolating / alienating b/c like, of course it would be. and idk nobody i ever made friends with in person i was Confiding in, not a ton of them re: me either, because you know. being cagey and wary, on top of like ohhh this person is Standoffish if they're hesitant to interact with people generally or do their own thing or i don't think they're socializing Right / have incorrectly inferred their feelings/motivations/intentions or whatever

and furthermore on that lmao it's also like, again, while i'm Verbose & Opinionated people will think i'm quiet & have no takes to provide because it's also like, even when it comes to stuff i sure feel i Could talk freely about, it's like, if i have a different opinion here will that just be a conversational Interruption ruining things for the real participants, probably nobody wants to hear me talk about this Subject, probably nobody wants to / would let me talk about it at much length without interrupting, even Online lmao i can be just going all out in terms of [how much i can talk about something] and while people can be Into that at that time it's like, people aren't into that beyond that one back and forth on one day, shoutout when people do enjoy the extensive discussing and/or have patience for it other times lol.

then supposing i Am talking to people lmao it's like, idk i'm an acquired taste or what have you, like, on top of the Talking A Ton it's like, the being opinionated and argumentative and sometimes pedantic or whatever on top of being irritable, could stand to be a bit more patient lmao, The Hater Friend to use the figure of speech lmao i have hardly been in a Group to be The [Any] Friend lol, also if my sense of humor doesn't fit it's like well how am i supposed to be silly, if being sometimes Enthused doesn't fit, again kinda an issue......have described myself as A Bit Much, humorously, but already not doing that as Much b/c it's like, i think i'm still too much like considering other people's opinions too "objective" here when like, first of all that's never accurate lmao, second of all i can easily forget that idk, i can at least in theory expect people to just regularly Like me and Enjoy interacting with me lol so. an acquired taste few can sample..........like hey even if other people don't vibe with me, it can just as much be the case that i'm not vibing with other people, don't worry lmao. and yknow, kinda parallel to Masking to seem acceptable in any casual social situation it's like, if i feel i'm suppressing my whole personality here / putting up a front / like i have to Get Through what should be a friendly interaction rather than be able to enjoy it myself, it's not exactly that rewarding. and plenty of times it's like, i like to be around people, but it can be strangers, i don't feel like "oh i wanna go out to eat / see a movie / go to this event, but if i can't get any friends to go, guess i can't!" like get out of the way i'm readily doing shit alone, it can even feel Better that way if otherwise it's like, now this occasion is about performing peak Agreeability for this other person/people, and like, not like i have ever been like "yes i have people i can readily ask to hang out and they'll be like Ya" anyways lol so. used to operating solo, where you can't be like "aha this is because this person has no Human Interest in Human Connection" when it's like. well it was never all up to me was it

well and so also it helped when i was 14 and able to be Online consistently, vs at home lmao. time for online friendship, which i don't think is like, oh that's not Real, like what sorry have you never known about people who have Remote friendships before, phones & letters & telegrams and also [nowadays when many ppl are Remote even if they usually lived near enough to hang out with] where it's like, you have this different format for socializing that can sure play out differently than Real Time, In Person interactions, and ever since i'll be posting mostly to myself lmfao but able to thusly talk about Interests and like, people will come along who want to talk more about it, then we do. i suppose also it can sure help that i'll draw (and Only draw, lol) for said interests, although tbh i think most of the time it's the extensive text posts that do it? really and great litmus test or whatever lmfao like, well already this person must not hate the verbosity. and then you can end up vibing with these people further, or not, but it's like, again, there's this chance for From The Start like, oh this person Likes that i have this niche interest, they like &/or don't mind talking A Lot about it lmao, vs in person introductions where that can sure happen but it's like, that's gonna be chance & spontaneous, whereas ppl might have the opportunity to Seek Out this interaction / content of yours......even online though, i'm still like, not as inclined to reach out or make the first interaction move or whatever lmao so. and then it's like, people make galaxy brain remarks like "ohh people who are very Online don't have friends, irl, they aren't Personable, irl," like yes congratulations i'm autistic and i don't have many In Person friends generally, sometimes maybe not any, don't really know where people think they'll land their argument here. like, follow it through, are you just calling people losers. is it "social media makes peopel Not social" like nobody is Doing Anything when they're online or everyone is embracing strangers and having heart to hearts every weekday morning with whoever is nearby if only they weren't on twitter? plus the fact that like, if i don't have access to people i interact with online, that doesn't like, force me to become neurotypical so that i then have a thriving in person social circle, it just means i'm more isolated? meanwhile, turns out it helps a lot if it's like, yeah i can Expect to interact with people

and then still like, all the time it might be like i still can feel Confused as it were about How To Talk To People lmfao like. there's not much "Just Be Yourself" when being yourself has meant filtering yourself, actually, and being v self conscious about trying (and often failing) to appeal to other people (which, then if you do succeed, it's like oops this person likes me but if i've been putting up a front the whole time, not super Validating) and not exactly a ton of practice getting to do Otherwise, and it can again be like. is this too boring to talk about, or just somewhat arbitrarily like "oh i'd better Not talk / say whatever" for no real reason lmfao, i Can just get like. Real Time Chatty as it were, but it's difficult actually lmfao like i need a lot of momentum, and it's easy for that to be Not the case.......and just like, again that it's easy to forget you don't have to be in "nobody wants to hear you talk" mode, or think like, okay, i can't just say anything, i have to say something Good, aka of interest or funny or whatever lmao but then it's like well i guess i Can just say anything. don't much know how to do that tho

(also, sidenote from "wtf is thinking being friends w/someone online is faker than when you're friends with someone sort of from being in the same building every weekday, what is the conclusion of 'what a loser geek whatever if you care about connecting Online who can't be popular Offline'" where it's always funny when someone is also like "wow even in person Fandom is, like social media, something that only people who suck at socializing Normally are into" lmfao like. not very relevant b/c nobody wants to really be in a broader fanbase rather than find particular kindred spirits through it, and who actually wants to go to comic con or whatever, sounds like a nightmare, but it's still such a faux analytical perspective lmfao like, again, first of all, what's the Conclusion to your argument here? and secondly honestly like. all versions of Small Talk are kinda gonna be bullshit, even amongst say, nt people, there's nothing Universal, and people can certainly be inconsiderate / preclude any genuine connection via what they might consider to be this neutral part of the ritual, and yknow, i find it kinda exhausting like it's peak Time To Mask and then i'm hardly in the mood to Really talk further, like yknow what. idk i'd be annoyed if someone demanded i Correctly Complete some sort of fandom reference by way of greeting, but i'm also annoyed when someone demands i Correctly Complete whatever maneuvers you're supposed to do with a rhetorical "how are you :)" lmfao like. you're a cringe nerd in the rigid social ritual of pleasantries fandom)

anyways and uhh yeah i also yknow, hashtag alana beck, it's like, glad to pretend Friendly Acquaintances makes sense, i guess it can, but it's great when it's like, oh i Don't have to only expect to be really peripheral in people's lives, or to only be friends with people i don't feel like i vibe with That much or also talk to that much about anything, when i can definitely feel like Yes this person is a Friend, no "are they actually closer to an acquaintance at this point" disclaimers needed, again, taking it back to the fact that friendship sure is Significant to me and when i have it that's v important thanks

so it's like uhhhh yeah difficult to make friends, don't have general appeal or whatever lol, ppl aren't on my wavelength or i'm not on theirs, hard to talk to people even though it's not because i don't/can't talk plenty lmfao.......and re: being Supportive it's like well, i don't really tell people In Person i'm autistic but naturally if you follow me Online here i am talking about it lol, and not like anyone who already knew me & was friends with me was like "oh nvm don't like interacting with you now" and i also gotta mention the like Handshake Lgbtq lifehack, where plenty of times it can be like, oh if we vibe on That wavelength it can be easier to befriend people, and/or that people will at least be more like, amicable / supportive based on Knowing you're handshake on that lol. b/c really it's like, i'd also like to just be allowed to talk and/or simply be around people even if we are not Personal Friends, aka that you can expect to be treated decently with some basic respect / consideration and like you're generally allowed to exist and be present and interact with people where you're not only guaranteed to Not be punished / excluded for it if someone's your individual friend and allows you to be here, so. once again it's like, can allistic ppl be normal for 5 min

[sidespromptblog]

I wish I could hate you...

(Requested by anon) 

Summary: Apathy AU. Roman wishes a lot of things when it comes to Apathy.

Apathy stared down at the puzzle pieces that were stretched out before him, a good chunk of the puzzle was already put together on the dining room table, a thousand pieces, or at least that was what the box said. Knowing Logan, the logical side was the kind of person to keep every puzzle piece in their respective boxes, Morality though, not so much.

So that’s where he was, bent over the table as his eyes scoured the many pieces, slotting them together until they would eventually create a large picture of a cat riding a rainbow. It was a good way to practice as Virgil told him, on how to make sure that he wouldn’t infect the bright colored puzzle pieces with monochrome touch. There he stayed, as piece by piece it eventually started to come together. At least until he heard the heavy footsteps traversing down the stairs, and coming towards the kitchen and dining room.

His dull black gaze shifted for a moment, from the puzzle on over to the flash of bright color that caught his attention, his upper lip twitched faintly. Creativity, how utterly fantastic.

In all honesty, Roman hadn’t been expecting anyone to be there when he came down to indulge himself for some lunch that he had missed out on. Patton had assured him that the casserole that he’d made, was safely packed away in the fridge when he wanted to eat it. So leaving his room after a particularly rough brainstorming session, that really would have been made a lot faster had Logan been there. Roman made his way to the kitchen.

Just to stop, his muscles coming to a complete halt at the grey spot on the edge of his vision that was leaned over the table. Logan. His head snapped over in the direction of that grey spot, Logan’s name was right on his tongue when said tongue suddenly turned to lead at the sight of the blander and more irritating version of their logical side. Their looks just another reminder that it wasn’t Logan, but someone who was committed to taking his place and never leaving.

It’s not Logan, he’ll never be Logan. No matter how much he fools himself into trying, he won’t...be ours.

It became hard for Roman to swallow the thought down, as his head lowered and his footsteps led him to the kitchen as he had intended to do. However, he didn’t even have the strength to bother even warming up the leftovers that Patton had left him, instead he ended up spooning it out on a plate before carrying it into the dining room. His heart seized in his chest, as he looked at Apathy, bent over his puzzle and working away.

His eyebrows were scrunched together, and his teeth worrying away on his bottom lip. His shoulders were tensed up, as he moved his hips back and forth while looking over the hundreds of puzzle pieces that were sprinkled all over the table. The sucker stick poked out from his lips, and he moved the candy around in his mouth. He was concentrating.

Just like Logan would do.

“Is there a reason that you are staring at me Creativity? Because the average person does not like to be stared at,” Apathy slowly drawled, dragging his gaze up as a tingle of static brushed against his senses, Logan was waking up.  “That is unless however there happens to be a problem?” He lowly asked, his voice was as bland as ever, but even so Roman was no fool. There was a threat hidden under the other side’s words, a threat that he wasn’t going to go against.

At least not in the normal fashion.

He set his plate down, with a loud clang seeing Apathy’s head twitch a little at the loud sound before he sat down without another word. Digging his fork into the food, the silverware scraped against the plate, making a sound that was akin to nails on a chalkboard. Sound that made the hairs on the back of Roman’s neck rise, but for Apathy, it was like being told to stick one's hand into a blender and trust that nobody would turn it on while you weren’t watching. All it all, with each noise, it became more and more grating for Apathy.

“Enough Creativity!” It took all of two minutes for Apathy to finally snap at Roman, his upper lip curled in his usual snarl that was like the calm before the storm. The emotionless side marched around the table, clamping his hand around Roman’s wrist practically wrenching the fork away from him, before tossing it down the other end of the table. “Just what is your problem Creativity? Why must you insist on being a nuisance all of the time?” Apathy sneered down at him, and yet something didn’t sit right with him, Roman seemed almost..too calm, too aware of how his actions would rile him up, and he just stared up at him. He didn’t seem scared of him, or his touch.

With a quick and sudden movement, Apathy jerked his hand back the moment that he felt Roman’s warm, too warm, hand resting over his knuckles.

“My problem,” Roman slowly began, before scooting his chair back and slowly standing up, he had an inch on Apathy now as he stood at his full height, coupled by the fact that he was wearing his heeled boots today. “Is you.” He whispered, poking Apathy in the center of his chest where his heart would be.

Leave, get out. Run. Run. Run. Logan whispered into Apathy’s ears, his hushed voice coated with a healthy amount of fear, fear that Apathy could not feel as Roman took another step closer to him.

“I wish,” The creative side moved a step closer, and Apathy didn’t move an inch. Logan would have back up at this point, Roman’s stature and the presence he oozed would have intimidated the logical side. “That I could hate you, I wish that so damn much.”

Here, Apathy cocked his head to the side as Logan went silent in his head.

“You look like him, you talk like him, you even act like him sometimes. You think that you can take his place, and you expect all of us to just take it! I wish I could hate you!” It was Roman’s turn to snarl his words, as he stood chest to chest with Apathy.

“I don’t.” And those two words turned everything on its head.

“Don’t? Don’t what?”

“I don’t think that I can take his place, and I don’t think that you have to take it.” Apathy began, pressing his hand to his chest for emphases. His expression didn’t change as he placed his pointer finger on Roman’s chest, where the creative side’s own heart would be. Roman flinched, expecting some numbness, or some kind of a pain to occur, until nothing happened. “I know that I have replaced him as logic, and that is all, I know that you all will have to take time and get through this new development. I am here instead of Logan, because he needed my help to show all of you something that you couldn’t see.” Apathy sternly said, still standing there like a tree against the gale force of a storm.

“See what?” Roman felt almost too scared to ask at this point, and yet he did so anyway.

“That he wished he could hate you too, but even now he can’t. Which is why I’m here, he was too soft to tell you. But I am not. Your actions are hate-worthy, all of you are hate-worthy.” Apathy’s face remained ever unchanging at this revelation, even as Roman’s pallor paled extensively.

“Up until the point you prove me otherwise.”

Tagged:

@neko-ereri

@seas-space-and-stardust

@estraevelyn

@katatles-the-fish

@greeneggsandham1998

@ibelievewhatsontv

@sleepyssnail

@thats-so-crash

@serious-ppl-wear-neckties

@secretlyanxiouspersona

@nerd-in-space

@blue-wolfbane

@cats-vetal-miking-vomit

@ab-artist

@moonstonefox12

@echomist13

@goofigami

@temmiecupcake

@nyamafriend

@cyberpunkjinx

@noahlovescoffee

@iaminmultiplefandoms

@entpscarleharrrr

@dragonsight9

@sanders-is-awesome

@tea0-0stache

[indianqueen-blog1]

( sonam kapoor, 30, she/hers ) silence! can you not see his/her majesty, rashi singhania, has arrived? It seems the queen of india is willing to compromise for peace, which is surprising when everyone calls them the the intractable. have you tried approaching them? i heard they can be rather unyielding + overcritical, but their staff say that they’re determined + benevolent. - ( nikki / gmt + 4 / she & hers )

MUN

hello i’m nikki 

way too excited to be here tbh

sixteen and in the ib program so i am dts ( down to scream ) 24/7

i like the pittsburgh penguins because im basic

indian af

i have rlly bad social anxiety so it takes me a while to message ppl back pls be patient with me i am a lil bean

anyways here’s rashi, the loml. 

PAST 

rashi is the oldest of four children, but was never destined for the indian throne to begin with, simply due to the fact that she was born a female.

her younger brother, varun, was born just a year after her and was crowned heir apparent as soon as he was born. he was pampered and spoilt all throughout his childhood, something that made rashi incredibly jealous. after all, she was as good as he was, maybe even better in some aspects. yet she was restricted and denied due to the fact that she was a princess, not a prince.

nonetheless, rashi never let this jealousy turn into outright hatred. she loved her brother dearly, and he loved her back just as much.

in fact, it was because of him that rashi progressed onto higher education, instead of just getting the very basic one that most princesses had. he’d insisted that she accompany him to every one of his classes for moral support, and threw a fit every time she left his side. 

her father died when she was fifteen, peacefully and in his sleep. her brother, just fourteen, was crowned the new king with tremendous pomp and show. 

was betrothed to the crown prince of a neighbouring country when she was sixteen. it didn’t come as a surprise to her, nor did she mind it very much. marriage was the fastest way to strengthen relationships and build alliances, something that india desperately needed during the times of war.

her wedding plans came to a screeching halt after her brothers unexpected death on foreign soil. the detectives say that it was a hired assassin who did the deed, but they cannot say for certain. the wedding was called off, and the royal officials scrambled to hastily put together a coronation.

she was crowned queen a mere three days after her brothers death, aged sixteen. she was denied the chance to mourn her closest sibling, and thrust into a world of politics and decision making that she didn’t quite understand.

PRESENT

now aged thirty, rashi has ruled over india for close to fourteen years.

she has instated a lot of changes during these fourteen years. she’s tried to fix the religious barriers that had once torn the country apart, and she’s also tried to make the laws more friendly towards people of lower status. she’s also a passionate supported of education for girls, and has built several girls-only schools around india in an attempt to get parents to send their daughters to school.

the country has conflicting views on her and her reign. some view her as a kind and just monarch, who’s reign will bring about true change in a country that desperately needs it. others think that a woman should have never been given such power to begin with, and that she’s too blunt and outspoken to ever be a good queen.

she’s referred to as samraat rashi singhania on a lot of official royal documents and announcements to the public. samraat means ‘king’ and is generally reserved for use by male monarchs. it holds high value in the court and also in the eyes of the general public. therefore, rashi uses it to gain respect and to establish that she is a regnant in her own right, not just a queen consort.

for her, a peacy treaty being reached is preferred but not necessary. she knows that if her people have to fight, they will be willing to fight with courage. she just wishes that her visit to switzerland will be short so she can get back to her regular duties.

although her advisors want her to find a royal spouse as soon as possible, rashi herself is not too keen on the idea. she likes the freedom and independence that being regnant gives her, something that she would not get as queen consort. there’s also the fact that some of the courtiers will inadvertently try and put her husband above her, just so they can get a male back on the indian throne.

PERSONALITY EXPLAINED

unyielding → once rashi has made up her mind on something, it is very difficult to convince her otherwise. this makes it hard for her to look at consider other people’s points of views and make a holistic judgement. in addition, it makes it incredibly troublesome to get back on her good side once you have double crossed her.

overcritical → this aspect comes from her upbringing. as the king’s oldest daughter, she was subjected to a lot of pressure to be perfect from a young age. sure, this pressure didn’t pertain to intelligence or military tactics, but it was pressure nonetheless. as a result, she hates making mistakes, especially those that have an effect on others. she will berate herself for hours just for the smallest mistakes, even if they are not of much significance.

determined → rashi’s stubbornness can also be a positive sometimes. once she has set her mind to a certain task, rashi will work diligently and not stop until her goal has been achieved. this means that she is able undertake even the most strenuous of projects, even those which would have been abandoned under the reign of any other monarch.

benevolent → to her own people, rashi is incredibly kind and considerate. she holds public festivals every second week in order to keep up the spirits of her subjects. she isn’t beyond going to these festivals herself and socializing with the commoners. she also grants reasonable loans to anybody who comes to her with a good reason, wanting her money to be put to good use.

CONNECTIONS I WANT

monarch of the country where her brother had died → fair warning that rashi isn’t likely to be very nice to this person to begin with. she thinks that the monarch may have been involved in her brothers death in some form and maybe even hired the assassin who killed him.

ex-betrothed → although their engagement ended abruptly, it was on good terms. it is very clear that there is nothing romantic happening between them anymore, but they still remain fairly close friends.

i can’t think of any more off the top of my head but pls feel free to shoot me a message if you have an idea !!

[closetcasefabray]

when you traced your fingers, drew my spine [part 3/3]

for @ijustkeepitmovin bc good ppl & clexa. also, YAY I FINISHED IT. totally didn’t edit btw bc i smoked & it wouldn’t really improve it anyway. i’ll end up in a blackhole of weird medieval history if i tried. so forgive me for any weird mistakes.

summary:

You braided her hair, then tied it back with a ribbon your father gave you.

“Green,” you said, “to match your eyes.”

“I cannot—”

“A gift,” you said, resting your hands on her shoulders. “You were by far the best gift, Alexandria. It is only fair, for all your work and your company.” You found your own face warmed at the confession.

She smiled graciously at you in the mirror. “Thank you, Your Highness.”

“You’re welcome.”

or: one of the many lifetimes where clarke & lexa find each other. medievalish!clexa

rating: M

note: still historically inaccurate. still gay.

part 1 // part 2

When You Traced Your Fingers, Drew My Spine

3.

You’re distracted as you dine with Forwin’s family. Your nights have been spent with Alexandria pressed against you, the cool night air filled with the sound of her breath and your name whispered as something holy. You are sure you’ve never felt more blessed.

“Is Princess Constantine feeling ill?” Forwin’s father asks, nodding at your full plate.

“Perhaps not ill, but with a child?” his mother adds with a grin.

Forwin’s family isn’t entirely pleased with your marriage, but they understand the necessity. They are gradually warming up to you, but politics doesn’t demand they love you dearly as their lawful daughter.

“I do not believe so, but we are trying,” you say with a large smile, one you have mastered in all your political dealings. You take Forwin’s hand, who gives you a small smile as well. “I have no doubt we will have a strong son, like our union of your land and ours.”

Everyone seems pleased by your declaration, but you notice Forwin slip his hand from yours to reach for his wine. When he sees your inquisitive expression, a hint of a smile graces his lips and he gives you a subtle nod. Rather than express you confusion, you focus on taking a few bites of your meal.

Forwin wraps his arms around you as you lie in his bed. “Is this okay?” he asks.

You nod, and he keeps his body gently pressed to your back. He is muscular in the way other men aspire to be. You prefer Alexandria’s smooth skin and soft body, but you feel safe in his embrace. You know Alexandria is sleeping in her own quarters for the night after a long day of cleaning the ballroom in preparation of some extravagant dinner Geoffrey insisted on hosting with your father, so you don’t rush off.

You’re both quiet, and it’s no longer awkward—it’s understood between the two of you. You have a good friendship, and you find that Forwin makes you laugh quite often when you spend leisure time together. You’ve learned a lot about him, like his love for archery. He confessed that his father once took him hunting when he was ten, and poor little Forwin wouldn’t stop crying after killing a buck in one shot.

After inquiring about your little sketches in the margins of your academic writing, you showed him a few of the sketches you’ve done. You have a natural talent, but art isn’t something princesses are to devote much time to. He understands the burden well, and much of his humor is based in the ridiculousness of the royal lifestyle. You find it refreshing to be with someone so very aware of the dated traditions. His humor and your small escapes give you both freedom from the narrow walls of the castle. When he said he was scolded for being a “dreamer” by his father as a young teen, you said, “I don’t think people dream enough. Without dreams how do we make a better reality? I like that you aspire to change things.” He kissed you on the cheek so tenderly and whispered a thank you.

“It’s nice,” he says quietly, “to have someone to hold.”

You nod and turn in his arms to face him. “It is.”

He grins and runs his hand up and down your bare arm. “Before you return to your chambers, could we speak openly?” he asks in a gentle tone.

“Yes. Of what?”

“I would not mention this if I weren’t concerned for dear Agnes’s health,” he says with a hint of a grin.

“Is something wrong with Agnes?” you question, having been quite oblivious to her older maid’s state.

“She came to me three nights ago, obviously torn about something she wished to tell me…” he hesitates, but then continues to trail his fingers along your arm, “about your maid, Alexandria.”

You feel the blood drain from your face and swallow uneasily. “What worried her?” you ask, forcing your voice to sound as calm as possible.

“She has noted Alexandria’s absences from the servants’ quarters,” he states, “as have a few others who asked Agnes to speak with me.”

Your mouth is dry, and you hate that politics has entered the bedroom. You try to take a steadying breath, but it escapes you as a kind of whimper.

“Oh, darling,” Forwin says softly, bringing a hand to caress your cheek. “Constantine, I worry not about her absence. She is a fine servant.”

You shake your head and pull away from him, sitting up in bed. Tears begin to flow freely. “And what do you make of her absences?” You curse yourself at the sound of your trembling voice.

“I know she isn’t causing harm, and she is always on time for her duties and completes all the tasks asked of her. There is nothing to make of it.”

“But the rumors,” you manage to say as he sits up beside you, “I’m sure they were delivered as well.”

“They are but rumors,” he says quietly.

“But—”

Forwin cuts you off by taking your chin in his hand and holding your gaze. “Constantine, there will be many, but they are simply that,” he continues. “Like the rumors that we are not lovers, or the rumors that the prince and princess have other lovers. Rumors… they won’t harm us… nor will they harm Alexandria. Do you understand, Constantine?”

You wipe the tears from your cheeks as you look at him. “You…”

You can’t finish your question, but he nods. “My father,” he says in a quiet voice with a sigh, “has taken other women to his bed for his own pleasures. What we don’t discuss doesn’t exist. What we don’t argue with the peasants will never become a problem.”

You swallow down your nerves and nod. “But you… have you…?”

Forwin grins a little and shakes his head. “Perhaps in the future, but I have never been one to lust for another’s company. Love must come with it,” he says. “You… are a very special woman, Constantine. Your heart is strong, and if it beats strongest with Alexandria, I would never want to stifle that.”

Without much thought, you throw your arms around him as a new wave of tears escape you. Instead of crying in dread, you are overwhelmed with this blessing.

“We must, however, keep this from my father,” he says into your embrace.

“Even though he laid with others as well?”

Forwin nods solemnly as you part. “He is… traditional. He finds women have no right to lie with another, that it corrupts the bloodline. I fear he would at the very least excommunicate dear Alexandria.”

“We’ll be careful,” you promise.

Forwin rubs your shoulder reassuringly. “You should dress and return to your chambers to rest.”

You nod in agreement and stand to retrieve your clothing. After you slip into your dress, you turn toward Forwin who still lies in his bed. “What did you tell Agnes?”

He grins. “I asked if she too felt close to other women when she was young, so I explained that you find company of a young woman your age comforting. I’m almost certain Agnes came into the world as a worried woman with graying hair, but it was enough of an answer for her to feel relieved from her burden of knowledge.”

You smile in return. “Indeed. She has always done the worrying in the palace.” You pause as you consider Agnes’s concern. “Do you think she believes it?”

He shakes his head. “No, but I think she holds her duty as a servant to our families higher than her status among the gossiping peasantry.” He smiles in reassurance. “You’re loved by many. I would say most people worry not about who keeps you company at night; they care about food for their families and a place to make a home. Hopefully someday, more people will understand that.”

“Thank you, Forwin.”

“Goodnight, Constantine.”

“Goodnight.”

Two months pass, and Forwin has been nothing but kind toward you and Alexandria. Agnes sometimes interrupts your mild flirtations with Alexandria if you’re in public, but otherwise, no one seems the wiser.

The main concern, however, is the nausea still wreaking havoc on your body. You’re with the nurse after a morning of vomiting, Alexandria helps comfort you, rubbing your lower back and wiping your forehead with a cool cloth.

“When did you last bleed?” your nurse asks as she hands you fresh juice.

You sigh as the sweet berries erase the bitterness from your morning illness. “Over a month.”

“Well, Your Highness, you should worry not,” she says with a grin, patting your back. “Our princess is carrying our next heir. Should I tell the rest of the royal family?”

You nod and smile weakly before consuming the rest of the juice. When she’s gone, Alexandria kneels beside your bed and takes your hand.

“Are you feeling better?” she asks, resting her chin on the bed.

“Yes,” you say, watching as Alexandria takes the small cup from your hand and places it on the small table. You take her wrist and gently pull her toward you. She climbs into the bed and lies facing you. “Does this make you think differently of me?”

She shakes her head. “It reminds me of what a strong woman you are.” She places her hand over your stomach. “He’s yours. How could I not love a life you carry?”

Your eyes sting as tears form. You let out a small laugh as you rub them. “I hope I won’t be crying each day until the child’s born.”

“You can feel however you feel without judgment from me,” Alexandria says. “Forwin has been kind to us. A child of his and yours is sure to be strongest when it comes to his heart.” She places a kiss to your forehead and holds you close. With Alexandria’s words of comfort, you fall into a restful sleep.

On the nights Forwin invites you to his chambers, he gently presses his hand to your stomach and prays for a son. Many men hope for a son, but you know he wishes for one to relieve you from the burden of having an heir. Your father was unwilling to have another child when your mother almost died birthing you, and the public’s shaming wore heavily on him; he never regretted it though, and he always makes sure to tell you with each parting how much he loves you.

The nights you spend with Alexandria, she also feels your stomach. She looks at you with awe when you take her hand and press it to where the baby is kicking.

One night, when the child is especially active, Alexandria rubs your back as you sit up in bed, hoping the pressure on your back eventually passes and he’ll shift his position.

“He seems to be training for battle,” Alexandria jokes, and you manage to laugh through your discomfort.

“You’ll have to train him,” you say, holding your now large stomach.

“I am sure Forwin will find him a skilled swordsman,” she says, applying some pressure so the baby moves ever so slightly. “I would prefer caring for the child in gentler ways.”

“What ways do you speak of?” You let out a long sigh when you feel the baby’s head shift away from your back so you can lie down.

Alexandria curls up beside you, taking your hand and entwining your fingers. “Bedtime stories,” she says with a grin. “Lullabies.”

“You sing?”  

“Not well,” she says, blushing slightly.

“Sing a song. A lullaby.”

Alexandria doesn’t argue. She just sighs and kisses your cheek. Then, gently rubbing your stomach, she begins to sing a lullaby you’ve never heard before. The accent with which she sings tells you it must be from her homeland. Her voice is quiet, but it never wavers. It reminds you of the wind as you rode on your horse together, the calm carried in the melody.

“You are a lovely singer,” you say when she finishes.

“I can only hope he thinks the same.”

“He will,” you say, resting your hand atop hers. “I think he’s asleep now.”

“We should sleep as well.”

You hum in agreement. Alexandria puts out the candles before settling back into bed. Wrapped in her arms, her lullaby continues to play in your mind as you fall asleep.

You wanted to speak with Forwin about traveling to the town markets in the morning, so you are almost at the door of a council room where you know he was meeting with his father when you hear raised voices.

“How can you be sure?” you hear King Geoffrey ask.

“There is no other man in her life, father. She is my wife. She is the mother of my child. Our child, rather.”

“She does not act as a wife.”

“You are in her family’s castle. Do not speak disrespectfully of her,” Forwin demands.

“Then what is this I hear of the company she keeps at night?”

“Who speaks of this? Servants?”

“Yes, because it seems as if it may be one of their own.”

Without much thought, you burst through the door. “You will cease this conversation right now.”

“It concerns the legitimacy of the heir to the throne,” Geoffrey says, standing tall and looking at you with disgust.

“Forwin is the father, and that is all you need to know.”

“So Forwin need not worry about your preference of keeping vermin in your bed?” he spits.

You feel your blood boil, and you’re sure if you were closer you would strike him.

“You will not speak to my wife that way!” Forwin shouts in a loud voice, one filled with anger. You’ve never heard him speak with anything but patience and kindness.

The shouting must have traveled down the halls because Agnes and Alexandria appear in the doorway.

“I apologize for disturbing your rest,” Forwin says in a gentle tone to them. “Please return to your chambers. We were just ending this conversation.”

They both nod, but Alexandria looks at you with concern. Before they can leave, Geoffrey interrupts. “No, let them stay.”

You turn to him with a cold glare.

“Dear Agnes,” Geoffrey says in a grossly sweet voice, “you have served as a maid for Princess Constantine all her life, yes?”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” she replies quietly.

“Would you say the princess has been honest her whole life?”

Agnes bites her lip under the king’s scrutiny. “Yes. Other than small lies as a child, she has always been honest.”

“Honest… and pure?”

You see Alexandria clench her fists as she stands beside Agnes.

“Yes, Your Majesty,” Agnes replies.

“Then what is this I hear of Constantine keeping company in her chambers at night?”

“I am not aware of—”

“Your name came up, Agnes. You spoke to my son about it even,” Geoffrey says, approaching the maids. He turns his gaze upon Alexandria, who stands with a stolid expression and clenched jaw. “And you? You see Constantine to sleep, yes?”

“Yes,” Alexandria says, almost a growl. “Those rumors are unfounded.”

“It must be one of their own,” Geoffrey says, chuckling as if this were all for his amusement. “Why else would they play dumb?” He turns back to Alexandria with a smirk. “I didn’t buy her for her intelligence though, so that should have been expected.”

“You will stop this at once,” you demand in a harsh voice. “King or not, you are in my home. You are speaking to my maids. I will not have you hurling insults at me, my husband, Agnes, or Alexandria.” Geoffrey seems unfazed, but you step up to him. Even though you’re a few inches shorter, you refuse to let him tower over you. “I’ll arrange to have you leave in the morning.”

“You are quite a hostess, Princess,” he replies with a sneer.

“I can arrange you leave now, if you wish to avoid the vermin we keep,” you hiss.

“I’ll tell my wife, and we’ll have our things packed by morning.”

“The Queen is actually needed tomorrow to meet with my father about the coming ball, so you’ll be traveling with your servants,” you say. “She is a courteous guest, and we find her knowledge in planning such events to be very important.”

Geoffrey merely scoffs before all but storming out of the room. After watching him exit the room, you turn to Forwin.

“I would apologize if I actually felt I made a mistake,” you say, trying to read Forwin’s expression. “I only regret making you uncomfortable for such words exchanged with your father.”

He shakes his head and chuckles. “You are a fierce princess, and I admire your adamant defense of your values. You rule with a head and a heart, and I am very proud to have such a wife.”

You feel your heart clench at his last word, but you smile and nod.

“Dear Agnes, you are dismissed.”

She nods, but her expression is somber. “I will accompany you to your chambers,” you say in a kind tone. “Alexandria, would you ready me a bath? I feel I need one after such a night.”

“Yes, Princess,” she replies quietly.

“Goodnight, Forwin,” you say, walking over and kissing him on the cheek. “I am proud to have married such a caring man.”

“Goodnight, Constantine,” he replies with his half-grin.

You walk quietly alongside Agnes for a moment before you finally begin the conversation that’s been looming. “You must know, dear Agnes. I am sorry if it is burdensome.”

She looks straight ahead and opens her mouth as if to reply, but then stops to think for a moment.

You stop walking and take her hand to have her face you. “Are you angry with me? Do you find me foolish?” you ask, genuinely curious as to her thoughts of the whole thing.

“Love is foolish in any way,” she says with a sad smile. “I care so very much for you, darling. I wish you could have that love with Prince Forwin, but you cannot force love.”

“It is not forced with Alexandria,” you confess. “She’s special. She’s brave and strong, but so very gentle with me. She makes me stop to take in beautiful moments I would have otherwise missed. She adds color to my life, and so many things were so grey and dreary before I met her. It feels something like a miracle to know she loves me back.”

“I believe you,” Agnes says, taking both of your hands in hers. “I will do all I can to ensure your love is safe. The greatest gift, ever since you were a child, is your happiness.”

At her words, you throw your arms around her. “You are a wonderful woman, dear Agnes.”

“As are you, Princess.”

After leaving Agnes to ready for bed, you make your way to the baths. When you enter, there are candles around the bath and moonlight coming in from the window. It’s peaceful, smelling of fresh perfume and oils.

“Are you okay?” Alexandria asks, appearing with clothes to dress you.

“Yes,” you say, walking up to her and taking the clothing from her hands and placing them on a nearby chair. “Are you?”

She nods.

You start to unlace her dress, and she looks at you with an inquisitive expression. “We both need a bath,” you reply with a grin. You almost laugh when you watch her swallow at your words, and you’ll always enjoy the moments when you get one of her modest reactions. Her dress pools at her feet, and you stare openly at her in the moonlight. She captures your lips in a deep kiss, and you feel her begin to untie your own dress before it joins hers on the floor. Agnes would have a fit seeing your clothing on the ground, but your entire focus is on the feeling of Alexandria’s skin against yours, her tongue gliding across your bottom lip.

You both step into the bath, and Alexandria lets you lean back against her front so she can rub your shoulders. You sigh as you feel the tension slowly leaving your body. You laugh when you feel the baby move.

“What is it?” Alexandria asks, pausing her massage.

“The little one is moving about,” you say, taking one of her hands and placing it on your stomach. He seems to find a comfortable position and stills. You sigh and lean into Alexandria’s embrace. “I dreamt he had your eyes,” you say with a little laugh. “Which is impossible, but I wish it could happen. I wish he could be yours too.”

She chuckles lightly, and you feel her breath on the back of your neck. “I’ll love him dearly, and that will be enough for him to know he’s mine in a different way.”

You eventually get out when the water begins to cool, and you both laugh as you dress for bed. Forwin visits to ensure you and Alexandria are feeling okay after the earlier argument. He bids you a good night after you both assure him you’re calm. And you are, falling asleep with your ear pressed to Alexandria’s heartbeat.

Prince Amfrid is born with almost a full head of brown hair, a bit small in size, but healthy. Forwin stood to one side of your bed, Alexandria to your other. When Amfrid is placed in your arms, you can hardly make out his face as your cry. You kiss his forehead and wipe your tears, wondering how this little infant would one day become a man, how he was once part of you and is now his own being. You smile because you wonder if he’ll have your eyes, perhaps Forwin’s smile, and you laugh lightly at the idea of him stomping his foot like you did when you would throw small tantrums as a toddler.

You let Forwin hold him, and he whispers softly to the baby. Alexandria adds a couple pillows behind you so you can lean back but remain upright. When you do, she uses a fresh cloth to cool your warm face.

“Thank you,” you say, taking her hand and smiling.

She leans down and presses her lips to your forehead, paying no mind to a few other servants moving about the room. Some servants still see such interactions and stare for a moment too long in curiosity, but the topic of your relationship with Alexandria never reaches above a dull murmur from the servants’ quarters.

You hear Amfrid cooing and see him moving his head about as Forwin walks him around the room. When he rounds your bed, he quietly gets Alexandria’s attention.

“You have raised him as much as I in the past months,” Forwin says with a kind smile, “so it seems right you hold him.”

Alexandria nods, and you watch her swallow nervously before Forwin places him in her arms. If she were at all hesitant, it doesn’t show. It seems natural, and Amfrid fits so perfectly in her arms.

“Hello, little prince,” she whispers with a small grin.

Amfrid coos in response, and Forwin chuckles. “He probably recognizes your voice, which is much more pleasant than mine, I’m sure.” You place your hand on his as he sits to your side. “What a beautiful child we have,” he says, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. “I’m glad you are both healthy.”

“Me too,” you say as the fatigue sinks in and your eyes begin to droop.

You both quiet when you hear Alexandria start to sing the lullaby, and the sound of her voice lulls you and Amfrid to sleep.

You and Forwin return to the castle at dusk after a long day of meetings with councils and advisors. You manage to gracefully hop off of your horse and walk her to the stable boys. Your riding has only improved over the years, and it has proven quite useful for your travels.

You round the gardens, the clack of wood against wood echoing off the walls of the castle. A little voice cheers, and you smile at the sound of his little claps and giggles. When you reach the courtyard, you find Alexandria teaching Asher more sword work while Agnes holds Amfrid in her lap to the side.

Alexandria sees you and smiles, but in the time lets her guard down long enough for Asher to strike her. Alexandria stumbles back, a bit surprised, but recovers well and praises Asher. When he follows her gaze, he quickly bows his head and greets you with a, “Princess Constantine.”

“Good evening, Asher.”

“Mama!” Amfrid yells, running as fast as his little legs can carry him to you.

You bend down and pick him up into your arms. “Hello, my darling,” you say as he brings his little hands up to your cheeks. “Have you behaved?” He nods excitedly, and when you look to Agnes, she nods in confirmation. “Perhaps Grandpapa will have a treat for you then.”

Once Alexandria has the wooden swords packed away, she ruffles Asher’s hair, even though he’s getting older, he grins. He admires her just as much as he did four years ago, and now that he’s fourteen, he’s truly growing into a man. Asher bids you a goodnight before leaving for home for the night. Alexandria finally makes her way over as Amfrid is in the middle of telling you about his day. She rubs his back and gives his cheek a kiss, making him giggle.

You turn your head to her and welcome the familiar feeling of her lips against yours. “Welcome back, Princess,” she says quietly. “Did you fare well in all your meetings?”

“Yes, but I’m glad to be home.”

“I’m glad you’re home too, Mama!” Amfrid exclaims, throwing his arms up.

“The two of us are. I’m afraid it’s time for you to sleep, little one.”

Amfrid immediately pouts. “Mama, can you and Awexandia put me to bed?” He is still working on pronouncing some names correctly.

“Why not Papa?”

“I want Awexandia to sing, and Papa isn’t a good singer,” he says with a furrowed brow.

You laugh. “This is true. Papa has to work with Grandpapa tonight anyway,” you say as the three of you make your way back into the castle.

You and Alexandria bring him to his chambers, smaller than yours but cozy and without ridiculous embellishments like Geoffrey wished to bestow on him. Forwin stops in to wish him a goodnight and kiss his forehead and give him his goodnight “bear hug,” where he picks up Amfrid and hugs him tight with a growl. Forwin wishes you and Alexandria a goodnight before making his way to the library where he is to meet with your father to discuss politics and smoke their pipes.

You laugh as Alexandria hoists Amfrid onto his bed as she usually does. “Why, Prince Amfrid! You’re growing like a beanstalk!” she says in a shocked voice, a tradition whenever she dresses him for bed. He giggles, and your heart swells at the sight of him lightly bouncing about as Alexandria gathers his nightclothes. He raises his arms up straight, and she pulls his shirt off and then dresses him in one of Forwin’s old shirts Amfrid likes to wear as a nightgown. Amfrid always like to run his hands through your or Alexandria’s hair as he falls asleep, but since you’re trying to have him sleep in his own bed at night, Agnes has stitched the green silk ribbon into his blanket, which he rubs between his fingers until he falls asleep.

You and Alexandria tuck him in, and he’s already yawning when Alexandria begins to sing his favorite lullaby. You rest your head on her shoulder as she sings, and soon enough, Amfrid is asleep with a little smile on his face.

You take Alexandria’s hand as you walk back to your chambers.

“How was your day?” you ask as you close the door.

“As good as a day can be without you,” she replies, smiling as she begins to untie your dress.

When she moves to retrieve your nightgown, you gently take her wrist and shake your head. You let out a small laugh when she flushes. You are both still young, and your love holds a kind of innocence and excitement. You slowly start to undress her, and you let your lips graze the exposed skin.

You fall into bed, and you capture her lips, suddenly craving her as the time without her catches up. You’ve spoken so many words, delegating tasks and discussing strategies with your father and Forwin. Now you don’t need as many. You just need to whisper “I love you” and “Alexandria” into the night, and your bodies speak of yearning, of desire, of wholeness when pressed together.

You refuse to let Alexandria touch you first. You watch her come undone beneath you several times, making sure she knows just how much you miss her when you’re away, before you let her pleasure you. You both are falling asleep in one another’s arms when the chamber door opens. You throw on a nearby nightgown when you hear Amfrid call for you. Alexandria dresses quickly as well, rubbing her eyes as she sits on the edge of the bed.

You walk over and pick him up, carrying him to the bed, too tired to walk him back to his chambers and convince him to sleep by himself. Alexandria lies back into the bed, and Amfrid immediately snuggles into her.

“I had a nightmare,” he mumbles into her shoulder.

“Nightmares aren’t real, darling,” Alexandria says gently as he begins to play with a strand of her hair. “But we’ll keep them away for tonight.”

You climb back into bed and curl up beside him. Alexandria’s hand finds yours in the dark, and soon you hear their quiet, steady breathing as they fall back to sleep. You close your eyes and let yourself fall asleep, knowing in this moment you have so much love so near—that love like this lasts so much longer than mortality.

[bwicblog]

SA: I am still troubled by this insistence it is just a leaf. It is a shamrock.

SA: In other words. a clover.

ID: 🍃

SA: don't encourage them. it's a shamrock.

SA: 🍀

SA: here, for the fight.

SA: now you will be lucky.

ID: i don't need luck, but thanks for the support. =:)

SA: if you could use your psionics you could eviscrate your opponent and none would stand in your way.

SA: If only.

SA: oh, wait, this was a nonlethal fight.

SA: Nevermind.

ID: uhhh i better be able to use my psi.

ID: for non-lethal uses of course.

ID: does this fight come with a rulebook. =>:I

SA: i thought it was exclusively a melee weapons fight? you know. to be.... accurate.

ID: my psi can be melee weapons!

ID: psi are accurate to the times. =>:I

SA: are they...

SA: is that what the lady in the lake was.

SA: maybe she could do what you do.

SA: throwing out glowing psionic swords.

ID: i have no idea what you're talking about, but yes.

SA: that was very cool, by the way.

SA: I enjoyed that.

SA: I am sorry I had to leave to sleep.

ID: good! did you have to sleep because you used your psi?

ID: i noticed you were getting. sloppy and rubbing your neck at the end. =:/ you gonna be alright?

SA: i am alright. It has just become harder as of late.

SA: i am on my last set of medicine.

SA: I do not know what will happen after this.

ID: =://///

SA: but my inhibitor is now trying to regulate my telekinesis by more physical means instead of chemical, as it is drained of thechemical used to nullify it.

ID: what's the chemical? maybe i can find a way to. hook you up.

SA: It's alright, Hadean. I already searched the black market for it.

SA: it has to be smuggled from the colonies and they've cracked down on the runners lately.

SA: but if you must know, this is the list.

SA has sent InhibitorRounds.txt

ID: i mean it's not alriiight.

ID: do like. the usual psi null shit work? you know, like. the stuff they use on psis they catch and stuff.

SA: No, that is too strong. It would also turn off my clairvoyance.

SA: perhaps if it could be diluted.

SA: but I do not know how that would be done.

ID: i mean. if it's having no psi or being dead. which is better?

ID: i'll see what i can find out for you though.

SA: I don't think I will die. But it would be lonelier without my clairvoyance.

SA: it would be like living in a world that is completely silent.

SA: but thank you, friend.

SA: I will remember this.

ID: well i'll do what i can. =:I

SA: how was pizza?

ID: good! now i'm gonna get makeup done so i can look glam while kicking ass. =:D

SA: make sure it's waterproof so you don't sweat and become one with the clowns during the fight.

SA: will you change or is the hooker outfit for the entirety of the fairs part of your contract

ID: sip is doing it and she fights all the time, i'm sure she knows what she's doing.

ID: and no! definitely back to normal clothes. t-shirt and jeans are what i'm used to fighting in.

SA: oh, I didn't know Sipara wore makeup in her fights. Then again I have marginal knowledge of her fights.

SA: t shirt and jeans...

SA: I would almost prefer the hooker outfit 😮

ID: rude!

ID: i'm sorry i have no fashion sense. =>:I i tried shopping with gliese for clothes but everything is all. old-timey. or garish!

SA: oh, no I didn't mean it like that.

SA: rather that I would be uncomfortable fighting in that.

SA: but if it's what you're used to then it's no problem

ID: oh. well. yeah, i'm used to it. since that's my wardrobe like. every night.

ID: what do you fight in then?

SA: my uniform. 😮

SA: I don't have any photos of it.

ID: do you still wear it? =:?

SA: yes, on jobs that I anticipate will be dangerous

SA: do you only have one set of clothes?

ID: i mean i have three sets of practically the same outfit.

SA: oh.

SA: would you like to go shopping with me?

ID: i mean. sure bud! you seem to have more idea of what to wear than i do.

SA: do you like suits?

ID: i've never. worn a suit.

SA: then I have no idea if I have any idea of what to wear better than you do all I wear is suits and baggy shirts

SA: people often tell me I am too thin otherwise.

SA: we can go ugly shopping then. And pretend we know.

ID: well i doubt a troll can gain much weight on sushi and coffee.

SA: most of my diet is desserts and fruit unless I'm eating out

SA: I don't know how you don't gain weight. Three pizzas, Hadean

ID: just eat out all the time! you have the money for it. or hire a cook to cook for you.

SA: that's as many as twenty slices. And that's a lot

ID: my psi burns it all up. why do you think i'm poor?

SA: oh, it isn't internally generated energy?

SA: it relies on a metabolic process?

ID: it doesn't rely on it, but it messes up the process or something?

ID: i don't know. it's just something i deal with and don't think too much about. i'm no scientist.

SA: I see.

SA: i am sorry.

AA: wassup, did someone mention S C I E N C E? >:}

SA: also, I do not think my roommate would like a cook. And they may rob me. And I will fight them.

ID: no.

SA: hello, AA

AA: arne you surne it's yrn psi, and not just you hiding food in yrn horns forn latern??

AA: suuup, prnisma.

ID: and don't be sorry pris, i mean it's fine.

ID: do my horns look like they can store three pizzas. stop being jelly of my horns.

AA: they totes do. rnight, prni??

SA: I think they are cute horns.

SA: but I want to touch the orb.

SA: and remove it

ID: it is not removeable.

SA: were you hatched with it?

ID: and it'll shock you.

ID: no. it, uh. grew in. Like I had a lumpy ugly horn.

SA: Sipara, I think it would take very condensed pizzas to manage that

ID: and then the lump broke off.

ID: and now i have a much cooler horn.

AA: but what if we comprnessed em way thin??

AA: like. rnoadkill thin.

SA: they would have to be ribbon pizzas to wrap properly on the outside, but I am unsure about the inside.

SA: oh

SA: I still wish to touch it

SA: I wonder what would happen if someone places a psionics field around it

ID: no experimenting on my horn, i was about to say you could touch it but now i'm rethinking things.

ID: also stop talking about me having pizza-stuffed horns. rude.

ID: ps sip are you gonna make me pretty yet.

ID: i don't think i'll be hard since i'm already gorgeous. =:P or at least have some flawless skin.

SA: I wouldn't try to do anything to it, just touch it.

SA: make him prettier, Sipara

SA: his ego craves this 🙃

ID: you can touch it. just be aware it'll feel weird.

AA: y, y, y, just finished up lal, so I'll give him the boot and you can get yrn ass in Phern's van. >:} AA: gonna make you soprnetty that evernyone's phones crnack frnom fucking envy. AA: orn frnom yrn lameass clown tatts. >:P

ID: fuck off they aren't clown tats. =>:P

AA: prni. prniiiiiii. AA: arne you coming orn n?? ain't got any yellow shit, but can totally deck you up in marnoon. phern's got so much marnoon. AA: orn jade. you feeling gothy today? >:}

AA: stfu, they totes arne.

ID: c'mon pri, wear my colors since you're gonan cheer for me. =:P

ID: they are not! they are ancient designs i found in an old scroll that looked kickass.

AA: yyyy. become an honornarny rnustbucket. join the parnty. >:P

AA: and. AA: in an old scrnoll? srnsly? oooh my god.

AA: you A RN E a nernd.

SA: I will wear Hadean's colors. That is fine.

ID: uh you're the one who cuts trolls open to look at their psi organs. so you can't judge you super-nerd.

SA: please do not cut us open

SA: how does jade relate to "gothy "?

ID: ...are you asking because you wear jade pris.

AA: bc jades arne drninkerns and can go out in the sun, and, like, fondle zombies, and shit.

SA: no.

SA: oh, like Perdia wants.

SA: yes, alright.

SA: I wear almost exclusively black and lime

SA: it tells people to mind themselves

AA: no cutting open unless you ask. >:} dnw, we'rne all bosom buddies herne, yeah??

AA: lmao, wow. lime?

ID: if i go down in the fight pris don't let her get to my body. =:I

AA: >:{!!!

AP: I can't actually go in the sun, thank you.

AA: rnude!!

ID: ruder to want to cut my poor body to pieces. and what? laaame ap.

AA: yeah, see, that's what jades say. kinda like hads saying he won't gimme his bod.

AP: I'm pretty sure there's a reason people generally don't like having their body swapped.

AA: and yeah, yeah, you can be like B'L U H B'L U H, hads, but what I'm hearning is yrn totes selfish.

AA: mb I don't W A N T yrn bod forn science. so therne

SS: (Maybe your bod ain't cut out for sciencing? (\unu/) )

AP: ....

AP: That was really good

AA: >:D

AP: Nice

AA: neway, y, you two get yrn glutes overn herne and i'll make you HELLA prnetty.

ID: you wound me bonnie. omw sips. you can sigh in envy about my perfectly even skin.

ID: other than, y'know. the tattooed parts.

AA: dude, if I wanted to sigh in envy, I'd look in a mirnrnorn. >:}

ID: i mean you could if you wanted to break the mirror. =:P

SA: where are we going?

AA: phern's carnt. but also like wait n back this shit up. AA: can I also touch yrn weirnd horn tumourn??

AA: orn is that prnops of prni only? >:}

ID: i suppose. the cart can turn in to a hadean petting zoo.

ID: feed me some damn pellets while you pet me.

AA: yesss. and n, fuck off.

AA: gotta do a trnick forn pellets.

ID: my horn is the trick. =>:I

AA: like, say hello in nerndfesterntongues.

AA: yrn horn is a weirnd abomination I wanna poke. that's not a trnick!!

AA: unless you grnow anothern. in which case: yes, a+ trnick, you should grnow like.

AA: E I G H T.

ID: fuck no one is enough staring as is. =:I

AA: but, dude, think abt it.

AA: you could thrnow them at ppl.

ID: i can throw psi at people already. =:I

SA: yes. It is very impressive.

SA: sorry, I was resting again.

AA: horns arne bettern than psi. forn starterns, they'rne heaviern. >:P

SA: I will come to the cart when you all do. I wish to see Hadean pretty.

AA: .. duuude, lmao. you sick, brnah?

AA: orn just like. tirned? >:?

SA: I always sick semantically speaking

ID: oh! sip!

AA: L M A Ö. >:}

ID: pris needs a null.

ID: but not a full-null.

ID: is there like. half-nulls.

SA: quarter even

AA: haha, what.

ID: sure quarter.

AA: .. let's switch chats, loserns. >:}

AA: wtf you need a null forn?

ID: pris' psionics need flattening.

ID: he used expensive fancy drugs but can't get them anymore.

ID: =:I

SA: my inhibitor restricts my telekinesis to prevent me from causing inordinate harm.

SA: using them dry results in the inhibitor causing me physical pain to incline me to stop.

SA: like having an nerve pinched.

AA: hads. haaads. AA: yrn lucky I like yrn dumb ass, bc, like, if I didn't? you popping up like Y, NULL MY DUDE would be totes fucking weirnd. js.

AA: .. what, and you can't just, like, not use 'em?

ID: some psis have a mind of their own sip.

SA: I do not know if it will spread to my clairvoyance as well the longer it goes

SA: also: I enjoy using my telekinesis to clean.

SA: it allows me to defend myself within reasonable margins but as long as the inhibitor thinks they cannot be regulated then it will keep hurting me

AA: lmao. 'kay. ppl gotta sparnk, i guess. >:} phern won't stop using his shit neithern, but eyy. AA: that's fixable. AA: gimme yrn inhib deets.

AA: it internal orn, like, ext??

ID: it's a big giant thing on his back.

SA: it's a model built specifically for my program. The chemicals are inserted via rods or injectors.

SA has sent InhibitorRounds.txt

SA: these were the chemicals I had been administering

ID: yeah that so can you fix it?

AA: mb, mb. could make something to, like, sornt of synthesize some of that shit? like row h's a naturnal byprnoduct of the saturnine undernpernfornmern rnoadrnoach. AA: but lmao, row a is some srns wadern shit.

ID: ...i have no idea what any of that shit you typed means. =:I

AA: mb if I rneplaced it with.. hmmm. AA: idk, I can trny. >:} but idk how well it'll wornk. orn, uh. side effects. AA: you allerngic to anything?

AA: bc if you dunno, we'rne gonna F I N D Ö U T.

AA: ... and dnw, hads, that was just all S C I E N C E. also, like, tl;dr: bug juices.

ID: oh okay. =:/

AA: do you want me to brneak it down forn you?

AA: .. bc like if you want to get in on the nernderny, i'm all abt that schoolfeed shit. >:}

ID: uh.

ID: no.

ID: i mean. why would i want to?

ID: my psi are cool.

AA: idk, dude, yrn the one making =:/ faces.

AA: and still won't tell me wtf yrn psi is. >:P

SA: I don't believe I would have been finished if I had allergies.

SA: only the best generically were

SA: nevermind

SA: we will find out if it causes me catastrophic harm

SA: I am not particularly worried

AA: ???

ID: my psi are the coolest and that's all anyone needs to know. besides, i showed you a construct!

AA: haha, wait, shit, I forngot. yrn a clownbb, arnen't you? AA: yeah, prnobs no allerngies. idk. we'll see. >:} AA: get some juice beforne you come up, btw, prni, I'll do yrn mugs and then I'm taking chrnome.

SA: clownbb?

SA: why is Hadean a clown baby

AA: no, you, dornk.

SA: why am I a clown baby

AA: he just looks like one. >:P

AA: bc!

AA: oh my god, you don't know anything, jfc. >:{

AA: hads. go fuck off and rnead a rnecipe blog forn a min.

SA: Hadean translates for me usually. I'm sorry

AA: yyyy, ino, stfu. AA: it's nbd.

SA: what does juice have to do with chrome

ID: i am now reading blogs or whatever.

AA: gj. AA: so, like, you got nornmal folks with psi, like, idk, phern n hads. then you got clownbbs like you and phern's fuckboy and rniccin. AA: hanging arnound w highbloods and getting shit shoved in you.

AA: make sense??

SA: Pheres's fuck boy?

SA: I don't really like the term clown baby but I understand what you mean.

AA: the blue one.

SA: I would rather be a clone than. A clown baby even if it isn't accurate.

SA: kit?

AA: kit?? cottontail orn w/e. >:} AA: and loool.

AA: y, guess yrn not wearning paint, so you can't be one. >:P dnw, will find anothern ternm just forn you.

AA: and chrnome is yrn blood. which I'm taking. so I can check if yrn gonna get anaphyletic on me bc I used cheap shit.

SA: oh.

SA: okay.

SA: I have good veins.

SA: 😃

AA: W Ö W, gj, +10 crneepern rnight therne.

SA: that's what the staff told me

SA: anyways.

AA: oh my good. AA: anyway. y. any othern qs??

SA: no not particularly.

SA: thank you

SA: I can give you money.

AA: yw. dnw, dn-- LMAO no. AA: stfu and keep that shit.

AA: 'kay, hads, we'rne done talking science. >:}

ID: okay sweet. i got myself a pastry while i was waiting.

SA: what kind?

ID: just some sort of roll with berries in it. and frosting. tasted good.

SA: scone?

AA: what type of bernrnies??

SA: i should find juice and eat something. This reminds me.

SA: tell us Hadean

AA: y, go do that. no fainting in the van. >:} AA: and brning me something, all we've got in herne is coffee.

SA: lemonade?

AA: food!!

SA: oh! Oh. Yes. I will do this.

ID: no, not a scone. and a bunch of berries. i dunno, i didn't stop to examine them. i just ate it.

SA: he consumes

SA: I will go now. I'll see you all soon.

SA: 💗

ID: sorry i'm hungry all the time. =:P see ya.

AA: haha, omg. awww. >:}

ID: my body is a mess but it's my mess.

AA: lmao. AA: idk, dude, at least it's only one horn on firne. >:}

AA: can you rnly be a mess until then? yrn just, like, a tiny trnash heap.

ID: wow, doubting my mess status. i'm hurt.

ID: ps do you think fighting in a t-shirt and jeans isn't good? like. what do you fight in?

AA: oh, n, yrn totes a dumpstern firne, dnw. just not a M E S S. least, not aftern I'm done w yrn makeup. >:P AA: and idk. whatcha fighting against?

ID: emerel. duh. =:P

ID: and generally other trolls.

AA: no, dornklornd, what strnifes??

ID: ...i can use most stuff alright. whatever i need to use!

AA: you need mobility?

AA: orn you want padding?

ID: well apparently he uses a halberd so i'm going to try and stay in close quarters.

AA: 'kay, jeans arne fine but it's gonna rnip like tissue if he's got a knife. leatherns bettern, tbh. suede?? waaaay hardern forn anything to get thrnough.

ID: i can make armor in a pinch. enough to take most of a hit probs.

ID: gotta remember i have to worry about overheating.

AA: haha, yeah, soon as you starnt moving, dude, you'll prnobs steam. AA: and y, mb you can, but do you have the rneflexes to make arnmourn forn yrn thigh when his fist is in yrn face?